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#i don’t have the mental energy for the grind. also all the pop-ups at the start of the game are so overwhelming to me lol
themetaluna · 5 months
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baby, you're a haunted house chapter 13
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chapter summary: opening night happy fun times
a/n: god i am sorry i was gone for so long, mental health tanked and writing was the last thing on my mind, but thank you to anyone who reached out xo hopefully 6.5k words will make up for the lack of update. also thanks as always to @junosjukebox for beta reading for me
[🦇 read on ao3 🦇]
“Happy opening night, bitches!” Kerri called from downstairs. “Breakfast is ready.” 
Daya blinked slowly as sunlight peeked through the blinds as her head pounded. She groaned as she covered her face with the plush duvet. 
“Oh, you’re suffering right now, aren’t you?” Bosco asked, pulling her in closely as she remained covered. 
“I hate everything. What happened after I threw up?” 
“We all decided that we should stop drinking so we didn’t end up following your lead. Don’t worry, we made sure that you took off your makeup and got ready for bed.” 
“I am full of regret. My head is pounding so fucking hard.” 
“Don’t worry about it, this happens every year. You’ll be fine by tonight.” Bosco went to uncover Daya’s face.
“No, stop,” she whined, keeping a deathgrip on the blankets. 
“You can’t stay in bed all day, diva. There’s water on the nightstand for you. Drink it.” 
Daya groaned. “I don’t want to.”
“You’ll feel better.”
“Fine!” She dramatically sighed when the sunlight hit her face as she reached for the plastic bottle. “I’m never drinking again.”
“I’m sure that’s what you said that night with the plastic bag with the hole in it, too.” 
“Yeah, well.” 
“Bosco! Daya! Stop fucking and come get breakfast!” Willow called as she sped past their door. 
“I’m way too fucking hungover to fuck, Willow!” Daya responded, rolling her eyes. “Ready?” 
“Let’s go.” 
When they arrived downstairs, everyone else was already sitting around the table, excitedly talking to one another around a spread of some of the most delicious breakfast food Daya had ever seen.
“Morning, sunshine!” Angie greeted sarcastically. “How’s your head?” 
Daya flipped her off. “You’re all way too energetic right now.” 
“It’s opening night!” Kerri exclaimed. “Sit. I have plates for you both.” 
“So what is tonight going to look like?” Camden asked.
“It’s going to be busy. People take Hauntfest so incredibly seriously. Probably three to four times busier than staff preview was.” “It’s gonna be fucking awesome,” Willow said. “Opening night energy is the best energy.”
“I’m just excited I’m going to be crawling on someone who doesn’t want me dead,” Bosco said. 
“I never said I wanted you dead…” Daya trailed off absentmindedly stabbing at the food on her plate.
“You just wanted to punch her in the jaw,” Kerri said.
“To be fair, that’s valid. I also want to punch Bosco in the jaw,” Willow joked. “Camden, Daya, how are you feeling?”
“Nervous, truthfully,” Camden admitted. “I’m sure it’s just opening night jitters.” 
“Baby, you’re going to have so much fun,” Angie said. “How about you, Daya?” 
“Nervous, but only because that Tik Tok popped the fuck off. Me and Bosco joked on the way here. What if our scene sucks because we don’t have an extreme amount of sexual tension?” 
“Well, that would just be unfortunate, then,” Kerri said. “I looked when I woke up, people are currently putting two and two together that Bosco was winding and grinding up on that pole last year. The simps be simping. For both of you.” 
“Hell yeah,” Bosco said, holding up their hand for a high five.
“Love that for us,” Daya said as she reciprocated. “The comments are so fucking unhinged and I love them.” 
“Crystal’s got to know that the Tik Tok went viral.” 
“Oh, I’m sure.” 
“Willow’s got the earliest calltime, right?” Kerri asked.
They nodded. “Then Daya. We all get to hang out with Irene. By the way, Irene knows everything, Bosco.”
“No, she doesn’t. I haven’t told her shit.” 
“Babe, your sister is a psychic, I swear to God. That, or you aren’t as subtle as you think you are.”
“No, she’s just a psychic,” Angie said. 
“She’s not a psychic. She’s just observant.” 
“She knew that you were off the last couple days, and then she went on and on about how you like me. She was trying to grill Willow and I about it, and obviously that made everything really uncomfortable. I lied and said I was seeing someone to get her to stop.”
“Irene scares me,” Kerri admitted. “I only met her that one time in passing, but baby, I think she saw right into my soul.” 
“Wow, now I want to meet you sister, Bosco,” Camden said. 
“Like Kerri said, she sees right into your soul,” Willow echoed. 
“Yeah, and she wants to fuck Willow. Honestly, you should just do it to get her to shut up,” Bosco suggested. 
Willow rolled her eyes. “It’s not going to happen. More important matters, we can do a house tonight after our last set. We have to bust ass to get into the queue before two AM, but we have time.” 
“I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve never been in a haunted house,” Camden admitted. 
“Baby, you’re going to have so much fun,” Angie said. 
“I’m excited.” 
“Good. You should be.” 
Daya glanced at the time on her watch. “I’m going to dip early. I need to go home and change since I didn’t drive myself here.” 
“I’m going to head out, too,” Bosco said.
“I’m so shocked,” Willow said flatly. “Have fun fucking.”
“We’ll have the best time, don’t worry,” Bosco said, firmly placing her hand on Daya’s ass. 
“I mean, consider they’re all but fucking on stage, no one is surprised.”
Bosco gasped dramatically. “We don’t buttfuck, Angie!”
“What do you mean? I’m a virgin, I only do anal,” Daya joked. “See you all in a few hours.” 
“Irene actually asked that I come around the time you and Willow do,” Bosco began once they were outside. “She needed to talk to me about something, and she said it was too important over text. Which is really weird of her. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her. Do you wanna just ride together?” 
“You mean I have to spend more time with you than initially thought? Ugh. Of course. Speaking of. Are you telling Irene about whatever the fuck it is we’ve got here? The untitled era?” 
“Irene does not need to know about the untitled era.” 
“Got it. She’ll probably figure it out, since she's, a psychic."
Bosco rolled their eyes. “She’s not a psychic. She won’t figure it out. Speaking of ‘figure it out,’ does Crystal know that we don’t wanna end each other?” 
“No, but I think she’ll figure it out.” 
“If I ask you something will you be honest?” 
“Yes?” 
“Whenever you came over after rehearsal, what did Crystal actually tell you before we left?” 
Daya hesitated, waiting until she was buckled inside the car before responding. “I think you already know if you’re asking. But, I told her that my opinion of you is going to be based on you, and not the opinions and whispers of others.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Of course. And I don't think Crystal meant anything shitty to you by it, she’s just trying to protect me.”
“No, absolutely. She’s like your older sister.” 
Once again, she hesitated. “I may have told Crystal, Gigi, and Jaida everything that happened at the party the day after. I don’t think that Jaida and Gigi are very much fans of yours now. I’m so sorry.”
Bosco shrugged, focusing on the road. “It’s okay. I deserved it.” 
“You really didn’t, though. I was a brat, you were a slut. Objectively speaking.”
“Those are just two factual statements.”
“A brat and a slut walk into a bar and… I don’t know.”
“The slut teaches the brat how to play darts. That’s what.” 
Daya raised an eyebrow. “That’s the shitiest joke I’ve ever heard. You’re really fucking bad at this.” 
“I’ll literally crash my car right now.” 
“The danger will turn me on.”
“Exactly why I’m doing it. Constant horniness is a must.”
“Won’t turn me on as much as the clowns turn you on…” Daya joked before putting her hand over her heart dramatically. “I just wish I was enough.”
Bosco sighed just as dramatically, taking her hand. “I’m so sorry, I have a need deep within myself that only clowns can fill. I’m so sorry. Thank you for understanding.” 
“I’ll be there for you in any way that I can.”
“I really appreciate that. Thank you.”
“How does it feel that this is going to be your last opening—” 
Bosco put her hand up and shook her head. “I don’t want to think about it being the last. But, it’s a hell of a last year. And for all I know I could decide being a professional horse girl sucks and go back to it.” 
“You’d never.”
“Absolutely fucking not. No, I’m going to miss it, but I’m not going to miss making just above minimum wage for putting my body through the ringer for two months straight.” 
Daya smiled fakely. “So ready to be covered in more bruises! You said you’d be gentle with me in rehearsals that one day. That clearly went out the window.” She poked the large bruise on her forearm, watching it change color. “You got me good.” 
“I still feel awful about that, by the way. I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “The bruise really adds to the aesthetic, to be honest. We’re really going above and beyond here.”
“We both fucking committed to the bit, didn’t we?”
“We really did.” 
When Bosco pulled into Daya’s driveway, she said, “Well shit, now I have time to run upstairs, change, and then we have to leave again. I’ll drive this time.”
“I get to be the passenger princess?” Bosco gasped dramatically.
“Get in my car while I change before I change my mind.”
-
“—and that’s why I think that Mr. Schue from Glee could be  possibly considered a war criminal,” Daya concluded as she pulled into the staff parking lot.
“That was absolutely fucking unhinged. And I loved every second of it. I don’t know if you’re right, but goddamn you really sold it.”
“Which is why I said possibly. How did I even start talking about Glee ?” 
“We were literally talking about clowns again. I have no idea,” Bosco shut the passenger door. “It’s just so easy to talk about nothing with you.” 
“How gay,” Daya said as she locked her car. “Let’s go.” 
Bosco reached for Daya’s hand who shook her head. “Nope, Irene can’t know anything. Her psychic ass would somehow know.” 
“She’s not a psychic!”
“Not just Irene. I’m not trying to profile here, but I think the lady in the wardrobe department would have an aneurysm if she saw two gays hold hands… Why is she… like that?” 
“She’s such a bitch! I thought it was just me,” Bosco said as they reached the door to the wardrobe department. 
Just as expected, the woman was sitting at the desk, working on a crossword puzzle, and just like always, Daya stood there for a moment wondering if she’d notice. After a few seconds, she cleared her throat. 
“Badge.” 
The woman snatched her ID from her hand even more aggressively than normal as she put her glasses on, examining the card before scanning it. 
“Wait here.” 
The woman returned and just as she always did, shoved the bag into Daya’s hands.
“Badge?” The woman looked at Bosco.
“Here, ma’am.” 
“Mmm.” 
Bosco and Daya exchanged glances and rolled their eyes. 
“Here.” The woman tossed the bag in Bosco’s general direction.
“Have a great day, ma’am.”
“Mmm.” 
“I’m convinced that she hates every living being,” Bosco said once they were on their way to the makeup trailer. 
“She’d be a hell of a haunter herself.” 
“She already looks like the Crypt Keeper.” 
“I mean…” Daya trailed off. “Have we ever seen the wardrobe lady and the Crypt Keeper in the same room?”
“Oh, shit. The wardrobe lady is in fact the Crypt Keeper.” 
“You didn’t hear it from me.” 
“I’m going to tell every person I know,” Bosco said as they approached the makeup trailer. “Sorry.” 
“Wow, I trusted you,” Daya said flatly as she held the door. 
“Sup slut,” Irene greeted, not looking away from the prosthetic she was applying to Willow’s lips. “Hi, Daya.”
“You stupid bitch.”
“Hi, Irene.” 
“You can sit. I’m almost done with Willow.” Irene glared at Willow who was staring straight ahead in the chair. “Don’t talk.”
Willow did as instructed, instead flipping both Daya and Bosco off before making a heart. 
“Love you, too,” Bosco said as they sat.  “What was it that you needed? What was so important that you couldn’t text me?”
“What?” Irene didn’t look up from her work. “Oh. Nothing. I just needed proof that you were into Daya, that’s all. Not only did you show up together, but I can tell just by the way you’re looking at her.” She locked eyes with Daya. “Like I said, I always find out.”
“Damn,” Daya muttered under her breath. 
“I was right. I knew I was right. I’ll leave it alone now. But Bosco, I’ve never seen you simp over someone this hard. Granted, it makes sense, Daya, you’re hot.” 
“Thank you.” 
“I’m not simping.”
Daya raised an eyebrow as Willow started laughing as Irene stopped her work to stare at Bosco. 
“You skank, you are simping for her so goddamn hard. You’re simping for her more than everyone in the comments of that Tik Tok,” Willow managed somehow barely moving their lips. 
“Willow. Stop talking.”
As they always did, they sighed, “Sorry.”
“Just fuck me and we’ll call it even.”
Willow rolled her eyes and shook her head. 
“It’s not my fault she’s fucking perfect,” Bosco took Daya’s hand. “And Willow, please just fuck her so she shuts up about it.”
Daya couldn’t help but smile as Irene made a gagging noise before asking, “Wait, is that why you were being so weird the last couple of days?” 
Bosco nodded. “Daya wanted me dead.” 
“Not dead… Just maybe a little battered and bruised.” 
“Why?”
“Because Bosco’s a skank whore, that’s why,” Willow chimed in. 
“Willow…” 
“What? She’s making it way too easy. I’ll risk you skinning me alive. It had to be said.” 
Irene sighed, fixing the edge of the prosthetic that lifted from Willow speaking before it had finished drying. “You’re so lucky you’re so pretty.”
“Just fuck already,” Bosco said. “Jesus Christ.” 
Willow narrowed her eyes at Bosco, once more flipping her off. 
“Thank God I’m amazing at what I do and salvaged that edge. You smudged the paint, but honestly it looks intentional. I’m ready for you, Daya.” 
Daya removed her oversized sweatshirt as she stood in front of Irene. 
“Oh my God, Bosco, it’s your last opening—” Irene began.
“Nope. Not thinking about it. I don’t want to think about it being the last.”
“Oh my, are you about to show an emotion?” Willow asked incredulously. 
“Ew, absolutely not. I just want to enjoy it, okay?” 
“Yes, ma’am,” WIllow saluted. 
“This is already the best year of Hauntfest and it’s not even started,” Bosco briefly glanced at Daya. “No reason, though.” 
“God, you’re such a fucking simp.” Irene applied powder to where the prosthetic was to be applied. “It’s wild seeing you like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you both but…” Irene’s eyes widened. “It’s crazy seeing you like this. That’s all.” 
“Right,” WIllow echoed. “Bosco being in their simp era is something I’d never thought I’d see.” 
Bosco’s face was slowly growing redder as she stared at the ground. “No idea what you mean.”
“Aw babe, you’re getting all flustered,” Daya cooed before laughing. 
“Daya, I don’t know what you did to her, but goddamn, you’re powerful,” Irene muttered as she continued working. 
“You’re all terrible people, and I hate you all.” Bosco crossed their arms. 
“We’re all just genuinely happy for you, you stupid bitch,” Irene said. “Genuinely. But we’ll lay off of it now.” 
“Thank you.”
“Simp,” Willow muttered under their breath before smiling widely at Bosco. 
Irene, Bosco, and Daya continued joking, mainly at Bosco’s expense. Daya couldn’t help but feel so comfortable around all of them, even though Irene did threaten to skin her alive once for laughing too hard at one of Willow’s jokes. 
“I look so sickening,” Daya examined herself in the mirror as she took her phone from her pocket to take a selfie. “Get in this!” 
After posing a few different times, Daya was satisfied. “We look so good. Thanks for fucking up my face, Irene!”
“That selfie’s going to be at your guys’ wedding.” 
“Oh my God, you’re so funny, tell it again,” Bosco said right as they slammed the door to the makeup department before adding, “Love you, bitch.” 
“Good luck.”
“Fuck," Bosco sighed once they were outside. "I wasn’t going to tell Irene anything about the untitled era. She always does that.” 
“Psychic,” WIllow muttered as they began walking toward the offset trailer. 
“She’s not a psychic.”
“Sure.”
The energy in the offset trailer was much higher than it had ever been before as everyone got ready. By the time they arrived, everyone else was well underway getting ready. 
“Hi, baby.” Kerri applied an eyelash not looking up.
“The energy is radiating,” Daya mused. 
“Welcome to opening night,” Bosco said. “I promise like halfway through the season, we’re going to be dead inside covered in bruises.”
“But that’s all part of the charm,” Willow added. 
Camden stopped applying her blush. “Excuse me? Bruises?”
“Oh, not you. You don’t have a scene partner. You’re just gonna be hot and mysterious. You’ll be fine,” Willow said before making eye contact with Bosco and Daya. “They, however, will not be.”
“Of course they won’t be. They don’t leave room for Jesus in any stretch of the word. Of course they’re gonna be covered in bruises,” Angie said. 
“Angie…” Bosco began. “If Jesus is all around us, then there’s plenty of room for him. He’s just greedy and is probably a voyeur. Creep.”
“I mean…” Kerri trailed off. “Hallelujah?” 
“I don’t believe in god, but I believe in two of my hot friends grinding on each other with reckless abandon,” Willow joked. 
Everyone laughed as Crystal approached.
“Hey, Crys! What’s up?” Daya asked.
“Can I talk to the two of you?” 
“Absolutely,” Bosco said as she led them to a quiet corner. 
Crystal hesitated. “How are… things?” 
“What? Oh. They’re fine. We’re in an untitled era.” 
Crystal raised an eyebrow.
“Crys, that means things are good.” 
“Okay.” 
“You should be happy for us.” 
“I am. I’m happy that you’re getting along.”
“No, happy that we went viral.”
“Viral? Wait, what? Where? How did I miss that?” 
"On Tik Tok?"
"Wait, what?"
“How haven’t you seen this?” Bosco passed Crystal their phone. 
"Gigi and I have been busy with a lot of appointments for... 4 million views?” 
“Read the comments.” 
Crystal scrolled, laughing harder as she continued. “Oh, they know.” 
“They know.” 
She pursed her lips.
“Crys, what is that look for?” 
“Would you guys be down to play that up?” 
Bosco and Daya exchanged glances. “Absolutely.” 
“Obviously, I don’t want you to like fuck on stage, mainly cause that’s illegal, but feel free to… have fun. Have the most fun.”
“Oh, we will. Don’t worry,” Bosco said. 
“You guys are the best. I’m so glad you don’t want to kill each other still.” Crystal glanced at her watch. “Oh, shit, I have to rally the troops.”
“Good luck,” Daya said as she returned to her friends. 
“Okay, everyone!” Crystal began. “Happy opening night!” Cheers erupted from everyone in the trailer. “I know it’s going to be an amazing season, your dress rehearsal and staff preview showed that. Go out there and have fun. You’re all going to fucking kill it! Let’s go to the alley!” 
Everyone cheered as they migrated from the trailer to the small alley between the guest-facing area and the staff area. 
“I’m literally so excited.” Daya jumped up and down as she stood in the alley next to Bosco. “I’m so, so ready.” 
She stared at Crystal intently waiting for the “all clear” sign. The second she saw it, she sprinted from the alley screaming at the top of her lungs. She knew she’d probably come to regret it, but she’d worry about it later. The sounds of Jasmine and Jorgeous’ chainsaws revving filled the air as guests timidly walked down the street. 
Daya panickedly ran to a group of guys her age. “Run while you still can! They’re going to kill you.” 
She started running behind groups before begging for help, a strategy she realized to be extremely effective. After scaring a few more groups, she decided to stumble around, periodically lunging at people. As she continued walking down the street, she saw Bosco and Willow tag team a group of screaming teenage girls. 
Once the girls had run all the way down the street, Bosco made eye contact, smiling slightly as Daya ran her hand through her hair. Just as she had at staff preview, Daya ran down the street. She didn’t make it far when she felt Bosco grab her waist. While she pretended to try to escape their grasp, she felt how strong their hold on her was. 
The guests noticed what was about to start happening as the majority of them followed them to the stage, phones recording. 
“Help me!” she screamed, arms outstretched toward a group of men. 
“They’re not going to help you, sweetheart,” Bosco said. 
“No, please!” 
“So polite, but sorry. You’re not going anywhere.” Bosco pushed her onto the bed before stroking her face, causing cheers from the audience. “Shh. This will be way easier for you if you behave.” 
As she always did, Daya jumped up from the bed. Almost immediately, she was being thrown back onto the bed, noticeably gentler than dress rehearsal and staff preview. 
“Oh, you wanna do this the hard way, don’t you?” They took her by the jaw as she struggled against them. “You’re going to be so much fun. 
“You don’t have to do this.” 
“Yes, I do,” Bosco replied as she climbed onto the bed.
“Kinky!” someone screamed from the crowd. 
“You should make out!” someone else called.
“If only they knew,” Daya whispered before pretending to cry. “Please…” 
Bosco tenderly touched her face. ��See how much easier it is when you don’t fight me?” 
Daya didn’t respond but instead turned her head away, crying. 
“Shh… Be a good girl, it'll all be over soon.” 
The moment Bosco said the words, “good girl” screams erupted from the audience. She leaned into a backbend so she was looking at the crowd
“You people have some dirty, dirty minds, don’t you?” 
The crowd erupted with applause and screaming. 
"I like it. Should I let her live?” 
All the guests simultaneously screamed “no.”
“What is wrong with all of you?” Daya screamed. 
“I agree.” She sat upright, facing Daya, taking the pliers on her apron. 
“No!” Daya tried to push Bosco off of her, which caused them to rock their hips forward as the audience hollered and whistled. 
“I thought we agreed you were going to behave.” She forcefully held her face. “Way to make it harder for yourself.”
Daya screamed, attempting to turn her head away as Bosco came in closely with the pliers. The closer they came, the louder she screamed until she held her hand over her eye. 
Just as she had earlier, Bosco leaned backward so she was looking at the audience. 
“Do we think she’s had enough?” 
“Fuck her up!” A voice called. 
“Or just fuck her,” someone else called. 
“Well, I can only do one of those things right now, unfortunately .” They sat up as they took the knife and ran it over Dayas cheek, trailing it down her torso.
Somehow Daya managed to scream even louder as her stomach got slashed and Bosco took the fake intestines from under the sheet. 
Bosco leaned backward again wrapping the intestines round her neck as Daya slumped forward in the bed as the audience went wild while the curtain dropped. 
“You’re not gonna wanna scream like that for all the sets. Save your energy.” Bosco smacked her ass like a football player. “Good game.” 
Daya chest bumped her before pulling her into a kiss. 
“Is that how team sports work?” 
“Something like that. Good game.” 
Daya went down the back stairs before she aimlessly wandered around watching her cast as they lunged and screamed at passersby. 
“She’s so fucking hot dude,” a teenage boy said, pointing to Kerri. 
“No but the one who got her guts ripped out, though.” 
She slowly trailed behind them before yelling, “Help!” 
The boys all ran in different directions as Camden and Angie waited to strike. 
She managed to scare a few more groups before Daya saw Crystal hold up the light wand. Despite having the most fun she’d ever had at a job, she felt relieved at the thought of getting to sit down. 
When she made it back to the trailer, Daya exhaled as she sat on the tattered couch. Bosco sat next to her as everyone else followed behind. 
“How was the first official set?” Kerri looked at Camden and Daya as she removed her crown.
“Exhausting, to be quite honest.” 
“I’m going to lose my voice by the end of the week,” Daya absentmindedly touched her throat. 
“It should come back by Thanksgiving,” Willow said. “It’s around when all the mystery bruises go away.” 
“So comforting.” 
“Anytime.” 
“Baby, you gotta use that sparingly,” Angie warned. “We got three more sets. You don’t wanna lose steam already.” 
“Y’all slayed out there,” Kerri said. 
Daya looked at Bosco and smiled. “It was so fun.” 
“You ready to do it three more times?” 
“Absolutely.” 
“Are you both trying to make it as wildly sexual as possible, or is that unintentional?” Camden asked. 
“We may be playing it up a little…” Bosco trailed off. “To be fair, Crystal asked us to.” 
“I love that for you both.” 
“You really went up there, called her a good girl and thrusted on her and then gutted her like a fish.” 
“Yup. Sure did.”
“Iconic.” 
“I feel like by the end of the season you’re going to just be full-on fucking,” Willow said. 
“You’d like that wouldn’t you, you fucking freak?” Bosco joked. 
“Willow, I don’t do that shit for free.” 
“As you shouldn’t!” Kerri exclaimed. ”Know your worth.” 
“Have the simps found your personal social media yet?” Angie asked.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh, you’d know. Last year I got like 250 followers in a day,” Bosco said. 
“But you barely post anything, and when you do it’s all horses…” 
“Excuse you, there’s like one or two actual pictures of me.” 
“Yeah, upside down on a pole, legs spread fucking eagle,” Kerri said. “Not that any of us are complaining, honey.”
“Didn’t you get some unhinged comment about someone wanting you to ride them like a horse?” Willow asked. 
“I sure did. Multiple times.” 
“People really will say anything, won’t they?” Camden mused as she scrolled on her phone. “The comments on the Tik Tok are just getting better and better.” 
“They’re so goddamn thirsty for us,” Daya muttered. 
“Y’all are hot,” Angie said. “Objectively speaking, of course.” 
“You could have just said, ‘no homo,’ Angie,” Bosco said. 
“Well, then no homo.” 
After what felt like a few short minutes, Crystal made her way back into the offset trailer.
“Okay, everyone. Get ready. B’s just about done, and then you’ll be up again. Bring that same energy, okay?”
Daya watched in the alley as the B cast walked past, immediately seeing her equivalent, holding out her hand for a high five, which the other girl reciprocated. 
The rest of the sets went off without a hitch. Everyone maintained their energy, loosening up as the night continued. Jasmine and Jorgeous struck at guests like piranhas with their chainsaws. Meanwhile, Daya learned very quickly her favorite thing was to team up with Willow and Bosco to scare groups on all sides. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction as she made a grown man run onto the sidewalk for the first time. 
With each set, the crowd for Daya and Bosco’s scene grew larger and larger until a large crowd gathered at the bottom of the stage before they even started their scene. They made sure to follow Crystal’s instructions, making sure to play into their chemistry. Each set, at least one guest screamed something wildly inappropriate, ranging from funny, to out of pocket, to unhinged. 
Daya wasn’t quite sure why, but for the last set, she decided to be as defiant as possible, electing to not cry. Instead of leaping off of the bed once as she normally did, she managed to escape a few times, before Bosco ultimately pinned her arms down above her head. As to be expected, the crowd went insane as she wriggled against their grip. 
“Why was that so hot, though?” Bosco smacked her ass once the curtain had dropped. “Good game.”
“Good game,” Daya chest bumped her. “That was fun, and the audience loved it.” 
Bosco pulled her into a kiss before they descended down the back staircase. 
“I can make you scream louder than she could, baby girl,” a man who closely resembled a pig slurred, clearly having had too much to drink. 
She ignored him entirely, instead focusing her attention on a group of girls that definitely overheard him.
“Men should die,” one of the girls said.
“I agree,” Daya muttered under her breath as she watched Kerri lunge at the pig man, causing him to scream, dropping his overpriced beer. 
“You fucking cunt!” the man screamed, trying his darndest to intimidate Kerri despite being four inches shorter than her. “I’ll kill you!”
“Oh hell, no,” Kerri muttered. 
She sped over to one of the attendants before pointing to the man. The attendant immediately approached him. Daya wasn’t able to make out what the attendant said to him, but it wasn’t long before a security guard approached the man and led him out of the street. 
“Damn,” Daya said quietly while walking next to Kerri.
“They don’t fuck around. If at any point anyone’s disgusting, they’re out.” 
“Good to know.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Daya saw the blue light wand in the air as she breathed a sigh of relief. 
Once everyone was inside of the trailer, Crystal stood in the middle of the room. “Great job, everyone. Go enjoy a house or a street. Go ride a coaster. I don't care, you deserve it. You killed it, and I just know it’s going to be an incredible season. I heard that Seguine Speakeasy is a really great house. Sexy vampires, what more do you need? Anyway, I gotta get back on the street, but if tonight is any reflection of how the rest of the season is going to go, it’s going to be incredible. Get home safe, everyone!” 
“Wanna go do that one?” Willow asked. “It’s the one closest to here, so it’s not like we’re booking it to The Landing or something.”
Everyone in the group nodded in agreement before Bosco said, “Let’s fucking go, then.” 
“What order are we going in?” Kerri asked once they were in the queue. 
“Well, obviously Camden has to go first,” Willow said. 
“Me?” 
“You’re losing your virginity, it has to be good,” Bosco explained.
“It’s okay, baby, I’ll protect you,” Angie said. 
“How cute,” Willow said. “Past that it doesn’t matter.”
“We’ll just go like this then. So Camden, Angie, Daya, Bosco, myself, and lastly Willow?” 
“Oh my God, I get to see Daya be a bitch first hand.”
“I’m not a bitch, Willow.”
“That’s exactly what a bitch would say,” Bosco and Willow said in unison. 
She flipped them both off as she rolled her eyes. 
“Babe, I wish that you could just watch yourself go through Drive because then you would also believe that you are in fact a bitch.”
Once more, Daya rolled her eyes, despite the fact she was doing everything in her power to not melt into a puddle from being called “babe.”
“It’s okay, Daya. We aren’t all insane people who laugh maniacally every time they get scared like some people,” Kerri said. 
Willow looked Kerri up and down. “Miss Colby, you literally fell in Graveyard Gatherings last year and crawled through an entire room.” 
“Okay, and?” 
The line was moving quickly, and before they knew it, they were the next group to go in.
“How do you feel, Lady Camden?” Willow asked. 
“I’m really fucking terrified, actually.” 
“It’s okay, I’ll hold your hand,” Angie said. 
“How? It's a single file line.”
“Put your hands on your shoulders.” 
“What? Why?” 
“Just do it!” 
Camden did as instructed, feeling a sense of security when she felt Angie take her hands. 
As they entered, Daya put her hands behind her back, reaching for Bosco’s. 
The first room of the house looked like the outside of a speakeasy, a flickering neon sign was the only visible light in the room as barking dogs and sirens provided ambience. While there were no actual scares, sound bites of glass breaking and cats yowling filled the air, causing Daya’s heart rate to spike immediately.
The next room was the interior of the speakeasy which was decorated impeccably, looking straight out of a movie. A statuesque woman was on the stage in an opulent green gown while singing to the crowd of sharply dressed patrons all holding glasses of blood. Daya could tell that some were fake and some were real. Just as she had the realization, one of the men lunged at her, causing her to grip Bosco’s hands tightly while she screamed. 
When they rounded the corner, a thunderclap caused everyone in the group to scream as a flapper fed on a body before dropping it on the ground and lunged at Willow.
“I am so turned on right now,” Willow yelled. “Legally that’s a joke.” 
The flapper was only meant to be the diversion. The group screamed even louder when another woman came running holding her neck. 
By this point, Daya was well aware she was crushing Bosco’s hands, but that didn’t stop her from gripping them even harder when a man who was attached to a harness lept overhead. 
“They can fucking fly?” Daya screamed. “The fuck?” 
The next room was an extremely narrow hallway, wooden signs of advertisements for different speakeasies lined the walls before they slammed loudly to the bottom of the wall, revealing disembodied heads on spikes. Another neon sign flickered faintly as the posters dropped. Just when the group thought they were safe, another vampire came leaping at them attached to a harness. 
“Oh shit!” Kerri exclaimed. Daya looked behind her and saw that Kerri’s legs had failed her, and Willow was doing her best to make sure she didn’t end up on the ground. 
“Kerri! Get off of me!” 
“I’m trying!” 
“Try harder, bitch!”
“She’s like a goat!” Bosco called, not looking behind her. 
The next room was the largest in the house, tables of patrons sat sipping blood out of glasses. In the middle of the room were several slabs with people tied to them, screaming. A man dressed in a fancy suit stood above one of them with a dagger, lifting it dramatically above his head before plunging it into their neck before feeding on them. Meanwhile, several other  vampires rushed up to the body with empty goblets. 
Several vampires leapt up, striking at the group as a woman followed the man’s lead, killing the other human strapped to the slab. She looked Bosco up and down before licking fingers.
When they rounded the corner, they found themselves in an alley. Out of nowhere, a vampire lunged toward Angie, who was busy being diverted by a sign on the wall. When she looked back, she was paralyzed with fear momentarily before finally screaming. “Oh, Jesus, no!” She ran as though her life depended on it, leaving Camden and everyone else behind.
“Angeria!” Camden called. “Don’t leave me!” 
“Fend for yourself!” she called as Camden was lunged at by a vampire on the other side, who in response, ducked down as far as she could. 
They continued down the alley before reaching the vinyl strips as they exited the house. 
“Angie what the fuck?” Bosco managed through laughs. “I’ve never seen you do that before.” 
“That was a flight response if I’ve ever seen one, goddamn,” Willow said. 
“Angie, we’re twins. I did the same exact thing in Drive.” 
“I have no idea what came over me, I have never once in my life done that.” 
“You’re usually decent…ish about keeping it together,” Willow said.
Angie rubbed her temples. “My lord… Lady Camden, please forgive me.” 
Camden pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow before saying, “You’re pretty. It’s okay.” 
“How was losing your virginity?” Bosco asked.
“Pretty fucking great. Speaking of virginity, why did that girl lick her fingers at you?” 
Immediately, Bosco’s cheeks reddened as the group began walking toward the staff parking lot. 
“No reason.”
“You fucked her, didn’t you, babe?” Daya asked. 
Bosco nodded sheepishly. 
“That’s why she looked familiar!” Willow exclaimed. 
“Willow, I want to apologize, I didn’t mean to almost take you down. But, because of you, I didn't have to crawl through another room,” Kerri said. 
“Okay, important question,” Camden began. “Am I a bitch?” 
“No, you definitely aren’t a bitch,” Willow replied. “You were left for dead, and you got through it.”
“There was that bit where I randomly decided to duck down, as if that would do anything to help.” 
“Camden, I couldn’t this time because I was holding Bosco’s hands, but whenever it was just the two of us in Drive, I went into tornado drill mode.” 
“Wait, you were the only ones in Drive?” WIllow asked. 
She nodded. “Yup. It was so scary. I didn’t know where to go.” 
“If you were the only ones in there, that makes you less of a bitch.”
“I still think you’re a bitch.” Bosco pulled her in closely. “It’s okay, though. We can’t all be winners.”
“Gay!” Willow called.
“I may be saying this a bit prematurely, but so far, this is the most fun job I’ve ever had,” Camden said as the group reached the staff parking lot.
“Not premature at all. Why do you think we do it for as long as we do?” Willow asked.
“Willow, it’s because we’re fucking sociopaths and this is keeping us from being serial killers, don’t even try to hide it,” Bosco said flatly.
“Don’t even joke, because y’all could be serial killers and I’d absolutely believe you,” Kerri said. “I’m parked here. Bye, y’all.”
“Get home safe, everybody!” Angie called as she and Camden veered toward her car. “See y’all tomorrow.”
“Bye, bitches!” Willow called. 
“So now that’s just life for the next two months, then?” Daya asked as she started the ignition. 
“Yup.” 
“I’m so excited. This was so much fun.”
Bosco placed their hand on her thigh. “The first month flies. Trust me.” 
19 notes · View notes
adjacentperception · 2 years
Text
Witching Hour Curly Fries (Pt.2)
Summary: Sitting in a parked car in the middle of the night, Quinn and Atticus have serious discussion on whether or not Atticus is really okay. Atticus, against his own better judgement, spills everything. 
See Also: Sometimes you can’t fix your friends problems. Sometimes listening is enough.
3000 Words
Click Here For The Rose & Laporte Directory
_________________ _________________
Two friends sat in silence as they watched the reflected light of a mostly sleeping city dance across the surface of the water. Atticus had still been relatively uncomfortable as he waited out the car ride in the front pocket of Quinn’s silky pink robe, but it had little to do with the garment itself. He never liked the feeling of being crammed into a small space; there was a distinct lack of control that came along with pocket rides that made him nervous, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle by grinding his teeth and shutting his eyes. It was always going to be temporary, and hopefully with time they would work out more ways of getting around that didn’t involve it, but he was far too exhausted to want to think about it too much at this hour. They were parked, the world was silent, and he was indulging in a single curly fry as he sat cross-legged on the dashboard.
“So.” Atticus huffed at last, breaking the silence, “Did you want to talk about something?”
Neither of them had said much since leaving the apartment outside of Quinn’s chatter at the drive through and the few statements made while transferring in and out of the robe pocket, and it was starting to feel like an undetonated bomb sitting between them. Sure, these late night trips for fast food had always been intended as something casual to burn some energy and kill some time, but they’d always inevitably lead into a more serious discussion. Quinn knew it when they offered, Atticus knew it when he accepted, and yet neither of them had wanted to make the first move.
“Mmm, yes and no.” Quinn hummed in response, popping another curly fry into their mouth in an effort to stall for time, “Rather, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I knew what I was getting myself into whenever I asked to come. This happens every time.” Atticus grumbled. He’d been given several outs at this point, and though he’d consciously chosen to pass them all by and continue forward, he could not help but feel pangs of annoyance. Quinn definitely had some thoughts they were looking to vocalize, and Atticus had long since grown weary of dancing around the subjects with them any time they came close, “This isn’t what you were losing sleep over, was it?”
“Oh no, I just couldn’t drop off in general.” A long sigh escaped their nose as they tossed the words around in their head, trying to figure out the best way to go about asking. Thus far, every mental re-write had sounded worse and worse, and they had finally reached the point of just wanting to be blunt. They didn’t need ask gently, they just needed to ask.
The question was not a crime.
“Are you okay?”
A simple enough question, with several hundred complicated answers. There was no way for them to have posed this without dredging up the horrible feelings they were hoping to address, and any attempt to soften the blow would have only ultimately made it worse.
“Oh.” Atticus said simply, blinking a few times as he stared at the massive curly fry that he’d been picking at this entire time. He’d expected that something like this was going to come up, but he had not anticipated how straightforward it was going to be. “Has it been that bad?”
“The dead look in your eyes, the general apathy, the fact that you look like you’re melting even when you walk… it’s all been pretty concerning.”
“Melting? Jesus. I didn’t realize it had been so obvious.” Atticus had always assumed he’d been fairly decent when it came to concealing his moods, but this was hardly the case. Quinn would be the first to tell anyone that Atticus was someone who practically blasted his feelings through a megaphone without having to say a word.
“Every day I don’t find a puddle of ooze where I expect to find you is a small victory.” The monster nodded, leaning back in the drivers seat a bit and finishing off their fries. “I expected you to have some lows, I was prepared for that, but it’s been… concerning.”
Atticus furrowed his brow a bit as he mulled this over, re-analyzing every single movement he had made over the last week, wondering where he’d gone wrong and what had made Quinn worry. He was already enough of a burden on his very best friend; the last thing he wanted to do was cause them any distress.
“I mean… it hasn’t been a great but I’m not about to huck myself off the nightstand in an attempt to end it all or anything.” The musician shrugged, bothering to look his friend in the eyes for the first time in the conversation. Quinn met his gaze, and the two stared at each other with the full knowledge that it wasn’t that simple of the scenario.
“Just because you’re not looking to kill yourself over it doesn’t mean it isn’t cause for concern.” Quinn stated flatly, causing Atticus to wince a slight.
“I dunno what you want to hear Quinn. It sucks but we’re dealing with it.”
“I mean, just hearing your honest thoughts on the situation would likely be of some value.”
“Those are my honest thoughts. Anything outside of that is just going to be redundant.” Atticus sighed, leaning back on his arms as he locked his eyes on the night sky on the other side of the windshield. Maybe this would feel easier if he could just pretend he was confessing to the stars instead of Quinn, maybe that would make him say the things he didn’t want to hear out loud. With one deep breath his tried to let it all go, but it was never going to be that easy. “Sometimes I feel like I’m on the upswing, you know? Like, I feel as if I’m really adjusting to everything that I might be able to find… like… hhh, I’m not even looking for happiness at this point. That’s a big ask of the universe apparently, and I’d be content to feel neutral about the whole thing…”
“Looking for neutrality is a start at least…” Quinn mused quietly, not wanting to interrupt the other too much.
“I can’t say I’m ever going to be happy living like this. I mean, I can try and all, but it’s just hard for me to imagine that I could ever stop feeling at least vaguely pissed off at the situation. I can live with that feeling and still just reach a point where it isn’t miserable. I don’t like the idea of being a sad sack forever.” He paused for a moment, letting his words and mind catch up with one another before he pressed forward in spilling it all out, “And sometimes I get there, y’know? Sometimes I’m finally leveling out and starting to accept what reality is… and then something will happen that brings me crashing back down to square one.”
“Fatima’s text, for example?”
“Perfect example.” Atticus responded quickly, almost cutting Quinn off in the process. Now that he was speaking, now that the mental dams had been breached, suddenly this was all starting to spill out of him quite naturally. “Like damn, I spent so much time working on not feeling guilty all the time or not feeling crippling amounts of shame at the thought of someone looking at me, that I almost forgot that my dreams were unobtainable. It’s as if the Universe saw that and went ‘Aw, let’s dangle those dreams within arms reach and really drive the point home’. How the hell is anyone supposed to keep sane in those circumstances?”
“Hence my concern…” Quinn said quietly, “I’m not going to annoy you by giving you a whole speech about not giving up and finding new ways to go about achieving things-“
“-Oh no. Logically I know this, Quinn. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to mourn what I could have had otherwise though.” Atticus snapped, though the words held little anger. They were blunt if anything, but only because this was something Atticus was going to stand his ground on. He did not have the energy nor the willpower to want to pretend that missing out on the opportunity to play music with one of his favorite bands wasn’t going to tie his stomach into several knots at the very thought for years to come. That was never going to be and easy thing to recover from, and he wasn’t going to force it if he didn’t have to. “It’s not just that though.”
“Oh?” The statement itself wasn’t inherently shocking, but Quinn had never expected Atticus to continue after saying so much already.
“The whole thing is incredibly isolating.” It was a sentence he’d tossed around in his head ten thousand times or more already, but had never had cause to say. It wasn’t a feeling he’d ever really wanted to bring attention to for fear that it would come off as strange or melodramatic, and he had hoped that before long he would be able to bury the feeling altogether. He’d had little success thus far though, and if Quinn was already concerned there was little reason to hide it any longer. Something about the witching hour conversations held in the isolation of a vehicle always had a way of bringing out the truth. Sitting in the dark with only the stars eavesdropping made those truths seem digestible; simple facts and nothing more, granting clarity to those who might not have known them.
“I don’t think I had considered that…” Quinn whispered after a long silence, “I mean… I guess it makes sense when I think about it…”
“It’s hard to explain.” Atticus muttered, casting his eyes back to the heavens as if he were asking for guidance, “I miss going to the store to pick something up on the way home, I miss popping into a record store and browsing around for something I don’t already own, I miss having a life outside of our apartment that didn’t entirely depend on me having to ask for someone to get me there. I miss kicking it on the couch with you for fucks sake, which we still do, but it’s not the same. It’s not like when you’d flop down and spread out and drape your legs over my lap even though I told you it annoyed me when you did it. It didn’t fucking annoy me, and I shouldn’t have lied about it because now that I don’t get to just have those dumb little things…” His voice had picked up and the words were almost coming too quickly, so much so that the sudden pause sounded like a needed break more than anything. It was getting a little to real, a little too heavy, and Atticus wasn’t sure if he should reel it in or let it all continue to come out. It wasn’t as if he was going to have a lot of choice in the matter, things were spilling out of him now that he’d never considered vocalizing in a million years. “Hhhh. I dunno man, I really have a hard time with it. Like I know I’ve got the points and all, but that’s not the same. I’ve got a mental timer going on whenever that happens, and usually I’m trying to cram in a few tasks while I have the chance.”
“I wish there was something I could say or that that would fix that for you… I really do.”
“There’s nothing else that you can do, Quinn. You already do more than enough.” Atticus croaked, trying to hold back the feelings that were bound to come along with this topic. It wasn’t that he currently wanted to bury them, he just wanted to get through his thoughts without being compromised by a flood of tears trying to tangle with his vocal cords.
“I mean, I try to help where I can, but nothing is ever really enough. Anything I do for you feels like it’s just basic human kindness, or like I’m just putting a band-aid on the situation.” They admitted, the each word sounding like an individual weight off of their shoulders, “I can’t really fix anything, I can just make sure you’re comfortable.”
“And I appreciate it Quinn, I really do, but that’s another thing about it all… I mean… what am I supposed to do without you?” A hint of panic had seeped its way into the end of the sentence, but Atticus had quickly tried to cover the fact with a quick clearing of this throat.
“How do you mean?”
“I mean I know we’ve been joined at the hip since the sandbox days and everything, but you shouldn’t be committed to having to help me for the rest of our lives. You have your own life, you have your own things going on, and eventually you might want to live independently or with a person you love or something and I just… I don’t want to have to be a part of the package deal, you know?”
“Atticus, you and I have always been a package deal, curse or no curse. There’s not a version of my life without you in it somewhere.” Quinn reminded him in a firm but gentle tone, though they were truly starting to see how much this had worried the other. He was sitting up again on the dashboard, hands fiddling in his own lap as he tried to distract himself from the growing panic in his soul. Quinn had seen it a million times or more in Atticus; if he wasn’t holding his sides, his hands would most certainly be fidgeting in the case of extreme discomfort, “This has really been bothering you, huh?”
“Of course it has!” The statement flew out of him louder than he had ever intended, but he couldn’t stop the energy now that it had initiated, “I always assumed eventually one of us would find our respective life partner and want to go our separate ways as far as the living situation goes… I don’t want to stop that from happening for you… I don’t want to be the baggage you have to carry around as some sort of litmus test to see if someone is worth it. Heaven forbid they do, and now I’m their problem as well! How does that not sound like a total nightmare to you?”
“Because you’re my best friend, and I love you.” Quinn said simply, a fact as plain as water being wet and the sky being blue, “Who’s to say you wont find someone yourself? I don’t think you’re giving your prospects nearly enough credit. Maybe you wont need me at all.”
“Stop.” Atticus replied through a pained laugh, shaking his head and rocking a bit at the very idea, “I’m not going to find anyone like this. That part of my life is basically dead in the water and I have to accept that as well. Like, sure, maybe I’ll find some friends along the way, but no one is looking to sign up for a small man shaped burden with nothing to contribute but a couple songs.” Quinn’s eyebrows knitted together, their eyes becoming sadder with each passing moment as they truly began to consider precisely what it was that Atticus was saying right now.
He really truly thought his life was over, that he was going to be nothing but a weird little inconvenience that was doomed to existence as Quinn’s baggage with little life of his own. Quinn had known that he was having trouble adjusting, and that this was always going to be a huge shift for him, but they had never truly considered how deep those things might run outside of the general shame and guilt. When they considered those feelings in combination with the missed opportunity with the Audacious Coyotes and everything else… stars, they were suddenly unsure of how Atticus had managed to hold it together as much as he had. In his place Quinn could not say that they might have made it as far as he had. It was hard to know what to say to it, because as much as they wanted to dispute the idea with him, they knew in their heart that they would feel the same way about it.  
“You’re worthy.” The said at last, when nothing else of any use was coming to mind, “Even if you don’t feel like it will happen for you… just know that you’re as worthy of love as you’ve ever been.” Atticus didn’t respond to this; the words which were flooding forth from him moments ago had now left him. Getting it out of his system left him feeling almost dry and empty. He didn’t feel worthy, but he also didn’t feel it was worth the argument. In lieu of immediate response, he simply nodded and laid back on the dashboard, spreading his limbs out as he went back to staring at the sky. “It isn’t your job to fix it Quinn, even if you could.” He sighed, at long last starting to feel the edges of sleep crawl into his pulsing brain, “Just listening is enough.”
“Sure, but-”
“-Thank you, Quinn.” Atticus interrupted, his voice picking up just enough to make sure it could be heard over Quinn’s, “I don’t need solutions tonight. Saying it was enough.” Quinn opened their mouth a few times in an attempt to debate the point, or at least offer some nugget of wisdom they were sure they had knocking around, but ultimately they stopped themselves. Atticus was right. Sometimes, with an unsolvable problem, just being aware of it was worth its weight in gold. A small hint of a smile tugged at the corners of their lips as they saw their friend approach the early stages of dropping off the mental map. They were likely more awake now than they had been before the adventure, but it wasn’t something they minded so much.
For now, they were content to sit in the car, watching the lights dancing in the water, waiting for the first hints of morning.
Listening was enough, knowing was enough, being there was enough.
And Quinn Rose would always be there.
20 notes · View notes
iironwreath · 1 year
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Verklempt [Vierna]
Arjun came running at the sound of shattered glass. Vierna half expected Azul to show up behind him since they’d been training but he was, gratefully, alone. She didn’t want her daughter to see her this way. She couldn’t let Nepenthe, either.
“Vierna?” he asked. His gaze fell to the entrails of her toppled test tubes, flasks, beakers, and their liquid. Some popped and sizzled on the stone, others changed colour—there was even a spilled line of Lolth’s blood shivering in the crystal light. She could spy it immediately not just because of its unique consistency, but its subtle call to her. 
The way Nepenthe described its effect didn’t match what Vierna felt, though—for her it was subdued, like it didn’t want to fully commit to her. It either wanted someone physically stronger, or the Chained Oblivion had diluted any chance of a full, unbroken connection she could have had with Lolth. 
She towered over it all, heaving, nails cutting into her palms, ready to pull her hair from her roots. She’d redirected that energy at the lab equipment instead. 
“What is it?” Arjun prodded when she didn’t answer to her name. 
“What’s not to get?” she asked hotly.   
He shrugged at the mess. “I’ve never seen you destroy your equipment before. I can’t think of what could make you lose your temper.” He pointed at the trickle of Lolth’s blood following the shape of the crevices between stones. “That might even be considered a crime.”
Vierna scoffed. He wasn’t wrong, but he also wouldn’t tattle. Some drow—driders, mostly—would have happily licked it off the ground. Would Nepenthe? The thought of her wife drove a fresh stake of anger through her chest. 
“It’s useless,” she spat. “Give me a thousand years, and I’ll still never be able to fully unravel the secrets of Lolth’s blood.”
His brows fell flat over his eyes. He stepped lightly on the broken glass to reach her; it crunched like gravel, grinding her nerves into powder. “Vierna? Explain.”
“I can’t make a cure,” she claimed, a note of desperation creeping in. “Not a proper, permanent one. Lolth is a goddess. She can never be understood, and so my solutions will always be imperfect. I sometimes wonder if the reason it even partially works is because Lolth allowed it. She gave her blessing for my tests, but she never specified if they would fully work. Wouldn’t she enjoy it? She enjoys pain on behalf of devotion to her. Nothing proves loyalty quite like it.”
“Don’t say that. You’ve come this far, I don’t see why you can’t. If anyone can do it, it’s you.”
She sliced a hand through the air. “I don’t care if you believe that, it won’t make it true. Once her blood is consumed, it alters you forever. You become close to Lolth in a way that can’t be undone; she’s part of you, and you her. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve already lost Nepenthe.”
“But you haven’t,” Arjun argued. “You can’t give up on her like that. She’s important to me, too, Vierna. To Azul, to a lot of us.” One corner of his nose creased upwards. “And if she ends up closer with Lolth, how is that bad? That’s not lost.”
“The version we know of her would be,” Vierna clarified, but she realized how she sounded; doubtful, weak-willed in her belief of Lolth. In Dumaran, that was nearly as dangerous as her experiment. “She would have to leave Dumaran. You see how she’s changed physically, and it’s affecting her mentally. She’s in—some kind of pain when she’s not a drider, always thirsty. Not giving into that does damage to her psyche over time.”
Arjun thumbed his holy symbol, a sharp-limbed, bejewelled spider sitting on his collar that was identical to Nepenthe’s. “Maybe that’s a more perfect form? She understands something we never could.”
Vierna wanted to scream; that was part of what infuriated her. She didn’t like being in the dark. She agreed; maybe driders were meant to be just that, and not somewhere in the grey between drow and monster. “You’re not wrong. All I know is I don’t want that outcome, but it’s already too late. All of this is mitigation, nothing more.”
Arjun took hold of her upper arms, squeezing. “If that’s your goal, don’t give in to despair. You’re afraid and angry because you love her deeply. Use that, let it be your strength and your motivation.”
Vierna felt brittle, ossified and ready to crumble. Arjun’s grip held her upright. “Precipatory fear is still fear, Arjun. All of this is too new; I don’t know the rate of acceleration, I don’t know how much time is on the clock I’m working against. I feel like I’m grieving every day.”
“All the more reason to keep trying. I refuse to give up hope, but if it's as useless as you claim, then appreciate the time you’ve had with her, and will have. Celebrate. You are making a difference whether you agree or not.”
She bit back tears, leaning her head against his chest to hide her watery eyes. “I was confiding in you. Don’t tell Nepenthe any of what I’ve shared.” Azul, too, but he knew that; she had no idea what Nepenthe turned into, what went on in Vierna’s lab. 
“She doesn’t need to know,” Arjun agreed. “She has pride in who—and what—she is. I don’t know that she sees herself as something to be cured. She worries for you. No matter what happens, she loves and appreciates you.”
Vierna didn’t know if that made her feel better or worse. She didn’t know that anyone here, her wife included, would understand her point of view. Arjun was wise and a physical comfort, but he had known Nepenthe longer than Vierna. He was on Nepenthe’s side. He revered Lolth unconditionally; Lolth was their first love before Vierna had entered their lives. Maybe she was being selfish the more she tried to hold onto her.  
Azul would understand, perhaps. She was the closest to understanding by not having the full truth. Vierna wasn’t certain what depth Azul stood in her faith with Lolth—whether it was ankle-deep, waist-high, or like her wife, an oceans-worth of water above her head. Would knowing that Nepenthe became a drider make Azul feel more secure? Less? Her lack of insight made her question things—would having an answer ruin that?
More questions she wouldn’t have answers to because Azul wasn’t allowed to know. Not yet; there was the distant, very-real chance that her daughter would join her wife among the chosen who drank Lolth’s blood and then suffered her palliative remedy. 
She burned. If she couldn’t save her wife, then she had to forge ahead for her daughter. No matter the size of the chance, she had to.
Vierna drew away, drying her eyes and retrieving her cane from its alcove in the desk. “Thank you. I’ll clean this up. You should return to Azul before she gets curious.”
Arjun held up a hand. “Let me; you should take a break and eat. Azul will be curious regardless.”
Food and tea didn’t sound unappealing; they’d probably help. “I have magic.”
He wiggled his fingers. “I have gloves.”
“Fine. You can help, but I'm not leaving.”
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pezidevil · 3 years
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wah super late to the party but i figured i’d talk abt my mc’s lore too dhshjfjf reading everyone’s different takes on lilith was so fun so i thought i’d share 👉👈
in my canon mc lilith is more a guardian angel than a ghost! i think after she died she stuck to her own family’s bloodline for a bit, but it eventually fizzled out, so she just… moved on to another family. this is admittedly one of the weaker parts of my story because i’ve only gotten to lesson 21… i’m sure there’s more development as far as how “special” (magical?) mc is, but i just don’t know about it lol.
anyways. i’m assuming the whole “mc is special thing” was apparent from their birth, and that’s when lilith began to watch over nico: when she was born in 1940.
i think that maybe while watching her grow up, lilith got kind of attached? nico had a bit of a rough childhood, but i think near the end of her (nico’s) life, when she actually became happy, lilith saw a bit of herself in her.
but it wasn’t for long. nico died in 1965, when she was only 25 years old. lilith makes the executive decision that she doesn’t want nico to be dead (either because of magical destiny reasons or just bc she doesn’t want her to), so she musters like. all of the magic she has left and makes nico immortal.
nico has absolutely no clue why it happened, and she doesn’t figure out it was lilith who did it till chapter 16. it leads to a lot of complicated feelings and drama, but it works out in the end through the power of friendship and love 😌
anyways i guess this got kinda long but i’ll literally use any excuse to ramble about my ocs lol. and if YOU need and excuse… my ask box is open 😳 same if u have questions or whatever fhshfh ok i love you byeeee
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andromedasstarship · 3 years
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i could not choose between 77-80 so i overbearingly ask u to use each of them with spencer reid if u wish 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
80. “Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner.” + 77- “If you want to leave, we can leave.”
send a prompt + character from this list! 
pairing - spencer reid x gn!reader
warnings - stress?? mostly fluff 
a/n - tysm kenna for requesting this i love you and i loved writing this. i also went overboard on this one bye! ive also never posted something this long in an ask reply before so if this looks weird BYE!
Your car had long gone cold, but you still couldn’t find the energy to pull yourself out yet. It was futile to try and wrestle your emotions into a tightly sealed box; as soon as you crossed the threshold of the town-home you shared with Spencer, you knew he’d be able to read you like a book. Damn genius profiler skills.
Taking a quick look at the time you knew you had to suck it up and go inside; you were pushing how ‘late’ you could be without him worrying something had happened on your commute home. With a deep sigh, you grabbed your bag from the passenger seat and exited the car; taking your sweet time with locking the car behind you and digging your house keys out of the bottom of your bag.
To put it simply, it had been a difficult year. It was the final year of your Phd. program and while- all things considered- you had had an amazing time, the past few months had been both physically and mentally draining. What was once your lifelong passion had suddenly started to feel like a chore; a chore you felt you weren’t even good at anymore. Almost every day was spent either in your own classes or teaching undergrads. Almost every night was spent on the final edits of your thesis or grading work from your students. The few moments of freedom you found were spent doing the boring parts of adult life: housekeeping, getting your car fixed, calling elderly family members, etc.
Neither of you had formerly addressed it, but you knew it was taking a toll on your relationship. Spencer being busy was a constant, but it was normally balanced out by your typical 9-5 schedule. But recently, even on the nights he was home you’d be too wrapped up in your own work to even sit down and eat dinner with him. By the time you crawled into bed he’d be long asleep and in the mornings you’d been leaving for work earlier and earlier in order to get research time in at the university library. It felt like the two of you hadn’t even been awake in the same room for weeks, let alone do anything relationship-y.
Tonight was supposed to change that. Kind of. His team was having a fancy dinner to celebrate some major milestone that you couldn’t remember. It’d been on the books for months, but kept getting pushed back by surprise cases. It felt like everyone held their breath this week, waiting for a case to pop up, but instead everyone was left pleasantly surprised when no such thing happened. It was going to be a great night: classic Rossi pasta dish, all partners and kids invited. Even though the two of you wouldn’t be alone, it’d still be a perfectly good excuse to get out, put on some nice outfits and have a fun evening with friends.
Spencer had been particularly excited. The past week, you felt as if it was the only thing he ever talked about. Not that the two of you were having extensive conversations. He kept talking about how great it would be to get out of the house and how much he was looking forward to having a totally work free evening. His excitement warmed your heart.
Which is why you were taking so long to find your keys. Today had been one of the hardest day you’d experienced in a long time. The thesis meeting you had with your advisor- that you’d been staying up late every night editing for- had gone horribly; it was as if everything you prepared was wrong. Almost every student in the class you taught scored poorly on the latest assessment- on a unit you considered yourself an expert on-, something you viewed as a failure of your ability to convey the info. And to top it all off, even though you felt as if you’d spent hours upon hours working yourself to the bone the past week- in order to clear space for tonight-, you still felt as if you had piles of work to catch up on.
You knew the stress and tension of the day would read clear on your body as soon as Spencer got a look at you. And with how excited he’d been, you absolutely didn’t want to ruin the dinner. You’d hate for him to feel as if you were being selfish or that you couldn’t even prioritize him in your schedule.
You took one last deep breath, before going to put the key into the doorknob. Just as you touched the handle, the door swung open from the other side.
“Jesus!” You exclaimed, one hand clutching your chest as you nearly jumped out of your skin. In front of you was Spencer, smiling down at you with that irresistible grin of his.
“Did I scare you? Sorry. I thought I heard you car pull up earlier and when you didn’t come in I thought maybe something was wrong so I wanted to come check-”
You quickly cut him off- even though you did find his worrying a bit endearing- by pressing a quick kiss to his lips. 
“A good song came on just as I pulled in, couldn’t just get out.” You lied, adding a small laugh for effect. It was an on brand situation for you, something certainly believable. If Spencer had any doubts, he didn’t question you, simply moved out of the doorframe so you could step in.
Inside the house, you set your bag down by the front door like you always did. While kicking your shoes off, you pulled your jacket off, smiling when Spencer had his hands already open to hang it on the rack. You knew he had that ridiculous memory- and you had a pretty set routine-, but it still made your heart swell every time he anticipated your next move and went the extra mile to be helpful.
“So, how was your day?" Spencer asked, as the two of you made your way to the kitchen area. “What’d Professor Addams have to say in your meeting?”
You clenched at the handle of the fridge, grinding your teeth before pulling the door open. When you turned to look at Spencer, you saw he made himself comfortable on one of the countertop stools.
“Went well. They gave me some uh, um, some comprehensive revisions.” You said flatly, turning back to face the fridge; missing the skeptical look Spencer was throwing you.
“That’s good?” He said slowly, before adding, “well how was class? You just wrapped up the last unit didn’t you?” You both knew he knew the answer, but was just attempting to further the conversation. Had it been any other day you would’ve found it endearing, but today just wasn’t that day.
You slammed the fridge door shut, just hard enough to be cause for concern. “I thought tonight was absolutely no shop talk. Huh? Why don’t we just start that rule now.” You said, a slight edge to your voice. It’s not his fault, it’s not his fault.
“Are you okay-”
“Yes! I just don’t-”
“If there’s something wrong, you know you can tell-”
“There’s nothing wrong-”
“Do you need to stay-”
“Stop!” You exclaimed, bringing an end to the constant cutting each other off. “Everything is fine. Okay?” You said, unable to maintain eye contact.
Spencer slowly nodded, though you could tell he didn’t believe an ounce of what you had just said. Luckily for you, he seemed to let it go, falling back in his seat.
“I’m gonna go shower and get ready and then we can leave, alright?” You asked rhetorically. When he just nodded again, you very quickly walked up to him and pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
---
The ride to Rossi’s was silent, something that normally wouldn’t have bothered either of you had it not been for the borderline argument you had in the kitchen. As you pulled up a few cars down from the house, you caught Spencer staring at you from the passenger seat, a slightly concerned look on his face.
“Stop doing that.” You huffed out, but there was no real bite in your voice.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked gently, reaching out to push a piece of your hair away from your face. God that was sweet.
You quickly nodded and threw a very forced smile his way, not quite meeting his eyes. “I’m fine. I promise, come on.” You said, killing the engine and pushing open your car door.
Before you could fully open the door, Spencer’s arm shot out across your body and pulled the door back shut with a bang.
“Spencer!” You yelped, startled by his sudden movement. You turned and gave him a bewildered look.
“You always look over my head when you lie.” Spencer stated.
“Oh I do not-” You started, but letting the sentence fall flat as soon as you realized you currently were looking over his head.
“Your favorite song came on the radio, twice, on the drive here and you didn’t react at all either times.” He said. When you still didn’t say anything he continued. “What’s going on? You know you can tell me.”
The look he was giving you was making you feel all sorts of guilty. Of course he cared, that’s why you loved him so much. You just didn’t want to ruin something that’d been in the works for so long, all because you had a bad day.
“Spencer,” you started, giving him a very pointed look and making sure to hold eye contact, “I’m fine. Can we just go in?”
Spencer shook his head, externally searching your face for more clues while also internally thinking back to any clues from your kitchen fight. “We aren’t going anywhere, until you talk to me.” He urged.
It probably wasn’t the best move on his part, seeing as you both were incredibly stubborn. The two of you were unrelenting, both staring blankly at the other; hoping the other one would break first. After nearly 5 minutes of silence, it became very clear that neither of you were standing down anytime soon.
Spencer reached his hand out again, gently cupping your cheek; internally you cursed your body’s natural reaction to lean into his touch. “What’s going on?” He asked, voice much softer than earlier.
You were internally screaming over how caring he was. Damn him! You cursed yourself for not being able to just play the role of perfect partner for one night.
“I’m exhausted.” You said, voice quiet. “My meeting went horrible day. I absolutely failed at teaching my students the last unit. I’ve been bringing so much work back to the house I haven’t even been able to give you a second of attention. And now we have this dinner that you’ve been looking forward to for months and I don’t want to ruin-”
This time, it was Spencer that quickly cut off your rambles with a kiss.
“Do you want to leave?” He asked, as if it were the most simple thing ever
You gave him a shocked look. “Spencer, you’ve been talking about this dinner for weeks. I, I can’t ask you to put this off, you and the team rarely get time to-”
“If you want to leave, we can leave.” He said. His voice was so sincere it made the whole thing that much more difficult. He was too good.
“Spencer, no.” You said, putting special emphasis on the ‘no’. “We haven’t even walked in the door, there’s nothing to leave yet. I’m not going to ruin the dinner we’ve all been planning on for months. I’ll be fine for a couple hours.”
He didn’t answer, instead pulled his phone out and quickly started to type out a text.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting Rossi, I’m gonna tell him you aren’t feeling well and we can’t come anymore.”
“We’re outside his house! It’s not a big deal-!
“Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner!” Spencer cut you off, giving you a very pointed look. You weren’t sure your heart could take the swelling much longer.
“Spencer, you’ve been planning-”
“I don’t want to hear it-”
“You’ve wanted to get out of the house for so long!” You stressed, giving him a ‘duh’ look.
“We can go do something else!” He replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Just us, no pressure to be ‘on’ in front of anyone else.” That did sound good- No!
“I’m not gonna be the one who keeps their boyfriend away from his friends-”
“I see them every day. Every day. One dinner means nothing.” Spencer said confidently, clasping your hand tightly between his.
You contemplated for what seemed like hours; though it couldn’t have been more than twenty seconds. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.” Spencer said, giving you a very mock serious look; you couldn’t help but laugh at that. “There you are.” He said, smiling to match yours.
You turned the car on, clicking your seatbelt back into place. “So, where to pretty boy?” You asked.
“Well, I heard of this new ice cream place that just opened up. Their ‘claim to fame’ is they make over 50 flavors in store every single day. Did you know on average it takes nearly three hours from start to finish to make a single batch of ice cream? Or that when ice cream-”
You shook your head in amusement, chancing a couple glances in his direction as you were driving. You loved his excited ramblings and animated hand motions as he further explained the history of ice cream; as well as all the random facts about the place he was directing you to. As you got closer to your new destination, all you could think about was how lucky you were to, to be loved by someone who always knew just what to say.
---
permanent tags - @sunflowersandotherthings
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simpsiren · 3 years
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the ukiyo standalone;
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park jisung x reader
Jisung is everyone’s joy and prized possession. Being the youngest of his friend group and with his child-like nature, he’s certainly the one that everyone favours. He’s adorable, innocent, pure. You would think he’s well known in college but in actuality, he’s pretty hidden, living his life in the shadow of his friends. He didn’t mind it really. He didn’t need to feel the crowd prying their eyes into his business like his friends, which was why he actually isn’t seen with them often in the first place, he didn’t need to stand out.
genre. fluff, angst, emotional, heart warming aNd heart breaking 
word count. 20k~
description. In this current fast pace world, there was never really a time I could take a break. I did choose this path as a lawyer major knowing I would be drowning myself with papers every single night and pulling all-nighters for an inhumane number of days. As much as I want or even need to rest, I never could. This was the path I’ve chosen. And my pride was too high to let myself stop the grind. That is until I made a mistake of calling an unknown number who belonged to a guy named Jisung at the campus library. I thought he was a waste of time till I realised he showed me to slow down, not having to force my body to move with the world’s speed, to be my ukiyo; my floating world.
!as they should masterlist!
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Jisung liked doing social experiments. It was practically his side hobby, something he’d do when there wasn’t anything important on his to-do list. He was simply interested at how the students at his campus would react upon weird occurrences around them. It got students talking whenever he did something, the fact that they didn’t know it was his doing is one of the reasons why he does it in the first place.
On this particular night, where Jisung was staring out of his window from his study table that was directly in front of it, giving the clearest view of the stars and especially the bright moon that reflected its light through his cracked open window and onto his study table, he was wondering about what to do next. What would get people to feel weirded out. What would get them to react a certain way.
When an idea came to mind, the light bulb hovering over his head switched on, the gears began to turn. It wasn’t the most brilliant idea, but it could go both ways. Either the students don’t bother even taking in their surroundings to notice it, or suffer the loss of not getting help. Jisung’s a dance major but he liked doing these projects for the fun of it so might as well. Jisung peeled off a random piece of sticky note from the stack with his other stationeries. Clicking his pen, he immediately went to writing.
When times you aren’t feeling fine, just call this number. I’ll try to be available 24/7.
Jisung frowned slightly and tilted his head. If he were to paste his numbers all over the school, he would probably be bombarded with calls every two seconds. It also didn’t make sense for him to be available 24/7. Clearly that was impossible. His frown deepened. He thought for a long moment, trying to phrase a sentence that was more suitable for what he wanted to do. With a smack of his lips and an unsure hiss, he grabbed a new sticky note and started again.
Glad you came to notice this note laying wherever you are in the library. Feeling stressed? Need someone to talk to? Simply need a friend? My number’s below. You don’t have to know who I am. I’m just here to help you out, mentally I guess. I’m available from 1PM-3AM. Call whenever you feel the need to. Have a nice day :D (don’t worry I’m not some stalker or whatever i’m just a bored student here)
Jisung clicked his pen against the table to close it, his eyes scanning over his words, which might he add was beautifully written, like calligraphy. Jisung couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that thought. He threw the pen off to the side and went to his printer with the sticky note, now moving on to making copies. He wanted to copy a reasonable number, not too little till no one noticed or too many till it was extremely obvious, but well enough for him to get at least a small chance of getting a response. With a number in mind, he began printing.
The next day, he went for his lecture in the morning. He preferred having the morning lectures just so he could spend the rest of his day doing whatever. And on today’s agenda was the pasting of his notes. With the weight of his bag pulling his shoulders and back down, he wished he could go back to the dorms right now and start of his assignment but he wanted to settle this first.
He entered the library. It wasn’t too crowded. Students were fairly spaced apart from each other in the study area, sparse. Some students were at shelves. With his hands still shoved into the pockets of his black Adidas jacket, he make his way over to a random study table. He needed to do this quick to avoid suspicion. But why would students notice anyway? They had their heads digged into whatever work that was incomplete.
Jisung slowed himself down and took out the a note from the small file he had in his bag along woth a large clear tape role. He had to put his bag down, searching for the scissors. He cut a reasonable amount of tape after placing the note in the bottom right corner and placed it over top, sealing the note onto the table. Jisung back away for a moment, taking a long look at it. It was small, but still noticeable. With a satisfied shrug, he went on to do the same for some other tables, even going to bookshelves and randomly pasting them anywhere he wished.
What he didn’t know, was that he was being watch.
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I had my brain wrapped around this essay for who knows how long now. Hours, days. Having to redo my research for the fith time was about to have my head spinning till it lolled, out of energy and brain power to hold up. I stared down at the notes scattered all over. The table was a huge mess, loosing track of how many pages I’ve flipped and how many articles I read online, as well as time of course. I sighed quietly, leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting to rest them for a brief moment.
When my eyelids opened back, I couldn’t help but notice the person that had been hovering around the study tables for far too long. It was distracting, watching him move from table to table at the corner of my eye. And though my attention had been on my papers, he was still to be seen in my peripheral vision. I blinked my eyes rapidly and shook my head, refusing to let a small matter tick me off to the point where I wasn’t able to do my work.
I straightened my back and adjusted my shoulders. Closing back my eyes, I took in a deep breath, chest puffing up as I gave myself a determined nod. I shot my eyes back open and with full exhilaration running through my veins, I got back to work, shutting the world out so it was just me and my work, wanting to get it done and over with.
Again I lost track of time, but in a much more productive way than how I was in the morning. I didn’t have classes today, making full use of my free time on my work. I pressed the final key on my keyboard, ending my essay with an exhale of satisfaction. I leaned back into the seat, throwing my head back till it went past the backrest. I placed my hands on the arms of the chair, and it was then did I realise that the library was extremely quiet.
I took in my surroundings, slow scanninv my eyes over the library. It was already dark, some areas pitch black while other were visible with the help of the moonlight shining through the windows. It was only the light at my study table that illuminated the area around with a orange hue. I didn’t mind being the inly one here, but sometimes it felt eerily quiet, like tonight. I grabbed my phone that was shoved into my bag. Lifting it up in front of me, the lockscreen showed itself, as well as the ungodly hour blaring at me.
“Three in the morning? How did I even...” I tilted my head slowly in awe, surpised at just how time flew by when I was immersed in completing my assignment. I read through my essay, having to close my eyes halfway due to how bright the screen of my laptop was. I was scanning through the first paragraph when I immediately went to shut down, already too tired to have one last scan through and making the mental decision of doing it tomorrow.
I packed up immediately, the thought of my bed and sleeping now being the number one priority. I shoved all my things in my tote bag, slinging it on my right shoulder. I was already taking off, a mere few steps away from the exit when I saw something shining at the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned on my heel to the study table. Slowly, my eyes trailed to the bottom right corner where the source of my pause came from. Turned out it was simply the light reflected of a tape. But upon further inspection, I went closer noticing it wasn’t just tape, but a note.
I read it over, having to brush some strands of hair behind my ear that was annoyingly covering the note. I quirked an eyebrow in a questioning manner, leaning back to my standing form once I was done reading, yet my eyes were glued to the impressively written note. “Who gives out their number just like that?” I couldn’t help but wonder under my breath. Too tired to even register any more information, I let this weird occurrence slid out of my mind, continuing to make my way out of the library and back to my dorm where I instantly fell asleep with no second thoughts.
The next day I got up, the light shining through the small holes of my curtain blinding me awake. I searched for my phone under my pillow, plugging out its charger while I scrolled through my social media, specifically Twitter. The first thing that popped up on my timeline was a tweet from the campus’s very own account. No one knows who it was made by, but you can bet that whoever they are has their eyes everywhere around the school, tweeting about the latest gossips or news around campus grounds. Today’s one sparked a memory from last night.
Someone’s at it again stirring up the attention of our students by having their number out in the open for everyone to see in our library. Was there more to it than just wanting to offer help through call service?
I scoffed, glancing away for a moment before retrieving my gaze back to my phone. “Do they actually want people calling them?” I asked myself while scrolling my thumb up to look at the other tweets below. It did come to my attention that night, now picturing the note in my mind. I didn’t remember the number, but it was there, and something about it was drawing the curiosity in me to find out more. With a grunt I shot myself out of bed, getting ready to head to the library again to study.
I hadn’t expected how much time would pass by just from me studying. I’ve been in the library for almost a full day. I was being sent on an emotional roller coaster ride. Some hours being a breeze as I studied the easiest topics, while others had me wanting to rip my hair off my scalp from trying to shove all the information in my brain when it felt like it was at its full capacity. I wasn’t myself today. I kept looking at my phone that was a distraction, which was something I never did at all while studying. I was off the edge.
With exams coming up in a month’s time, I knew I was studying too much too early. But I always had to stick to my life motto. “Get it done and over with.” I muttered to myself. But tonight, at one in the morning, my body and mind couldn’t register any more information. I couldn’t. I was tired, exhausted. Drained. The stress came barreling in full force and I hated how I was making myself feel this way by always being on edge and doing things too fast to keep up with everything else in life.
Wanting to clear my head, I began gathering some of my notes, stacking them up to the clean the table that was in a huge mess. My eyes have grown used to this sight, but I was simply cleaning for the sake of procrastinating and putting off the desire to complete aoother topic. When I was done cleaning one section of the table, something struck my attention. I looked to the bottom right corner of the table. And there it was. The note that’s been in the hidden folds of my mind when I pushed them back to focus on studying.
My eyes went from left to right, specifically at the number since I’ve remembered the note unusually vividly. “Should I?” I whispered. I looked around, no one was to be seen. Weird, since I’d usually see at least one student here despite the late hour. I exhaled softly, letting the cold air that circulated around me in the night cool my skin while I picked up my phone from the table and keyed in the number. I wasn’t thinking about what I was getting myself into. At this point, I was already overloaded with my studies that I was malfunctioning, clearly not thinking straight.
I placed the phone up to my ear, leaning forward and letting my upper body rest against the table while I placed my chin in the palm of my free hand. The ringing went on for five times, and I was about to hang up when I heard the sound of the phone being picked up. “Hey. Who’s this?” It was a guy. Could it be the one that I saw lurking around that day? I gulped and cleared my throat, opening my mouth and letting out an “Uh..” while trying to figure out what to say. “Your number is here. One the study table at the library.” I simply said, wondering what he’ll respond with.
Sudden shuffles could be heard. It went on for a brief moment till he exclaimed, “Oh! Right, right. Hey! I’m at your service, what do you need?” His voice sounded dry and coarse, like he had forgotten to drink water before he slept. Was he sleeping and picked up while he’s half asleep? I ran a hand through my hair, adjusting to get comfortable. “A listening ear. That’s all I need.” I murmured through the speaker. I had to let it all out. And it came to the point where I’d rather actually talk to a stranger about my problems than anyone I knew. But that’s how we all are nowadays, right? Too self conscious and simply wanting to put on an act for the whole world.
“Go on. I’m all ears.” He replied back, sounding attentive and somewhat interested. I didn’t want to think much of it. He was clearly like this to everyone else who called for “his service”. Being receptive and responsive. Kind and willing. That’s what he sounded like. The first person to actually say something that felt like all those things at once, to me.
“Do...” I trailed off, shaking my head and wondering what I even wanted to say in the first place. I smacked my lips. “Don’t you just feel tired? Of like the whole world. Everything and everyone around you. You’re tired physically and emotionally.” He hummed in response. “Of course I do. A lot of people feel that.” I scoffed softly, biting my bottom lip. “Yes but, the other thing that’s making me tired... is myself. I have this habit of just overloading my brain with lots of things. It feel as if I’m making myself stress on purpose.” I couldn’t help but chuckle weakly as the words left my lips.
“I always wanted to the best I could be. And that led to me just grinding and grindinv everyday with no end. I barely get to sleep, and even if I did. I’ll wake up and the whole cycle will repeat itself. I fucking hate that I’m in this loop. But I chose to be here. I can’t break out.” My voice began to crack. It took me awhile to realise that I was crying till my tears fell on the papers and made its mark by crinkling the paper while it soaked up my tears. I blotched them off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Hey, if-”
“And don’t.” I cut him off instantly before he could even utter another word. “Don’t tell me other people are going through the same thing.” I shut my eyes close, heaving a slow and heavy sigh. “I know. Everyone in my major goes through the same process. I’m weak. Even though I try to act like I’m the best student. My tolerance level can go down the drain for all I care.” I paused for a moment, mentally telling himt to resume whatever he wanted to say but knew he couldn’t read my mind.
But from the pause he knew what it meant and picked it up quickly, clearing his throat. “I was about to say if you want to cry, you can. I can tell that you’re holding it in and I don’t even need to see you.” I sniffled, the feeling of wanting to burst into tears again came about, rising in my body and making my chest clench. “It’s okay.” As if on cue, I screamed, cried, poured it all out. I threw my phone down, the call still on as I wailed into my palms, pressing my face against them. I’ve never had such a breakdown in months, simply shoving it to the back of my mind and kept ignoring it till it came out like this. A full blown terror.
I wanted to talk, yet my mouth couldn’t form any words. All that came out were sniffles as I calmed myself down. “I don’t really have much to say on this. And you probably don’t even want to hear me talk but you should take a break. Really. Just one day. You need it. Because you seriously don’t sound okay.” I couldn’t help but breathe out a short laugh, a very weak and effortless one. “I never thought of that, Captain Obvious.” I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking through for a brief moment.
He chuckle on the other end of the line. “You thought of it but didn’t put it into action.” He stated, sounding slightly firm. “Yes.” I admitted dryly. A few beats of silence passed, I could hear his breathing, calm and soothing. “I think I should, um, go now?” It was suppose to be a statement but due to me trying to recover from my mess, it came out as a question. I could hear him licking his lips. “Yes of course. Oh and hey.” “Yeah?”
“Do you need help with that rest day of yours?” I didn’t reply, giving it a long throught. “I probably won’t even be doing it.” I said through a sigh, beginning to pack up my things to head out of the library. “But you should. Actually, you will. I want to make sure of it.” I couldn’t help but furrow my eyebrows at his unexpected tone of determination. “Don’t you have other people to attend to for your call service?” I questioned.
“You’re actually the first one.” I could tell he was feeling rather embarrassed, letting out a tight laugh after his statement. “And I don’t even know who you are.” I was now walking out of the library, phone still to the ear while I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder. “For starters, I’m a dance major. I’d like to mostly keep my identity hidden for now. Unless you want to meet.”
I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly, somewhat in disbelief. “You want to meet?” I echoed his question back to him, head tilted mere degrees to the side. “Well I have to make sure you have that rest day of yours. How can I when I don’t meet you?” I chuckled softly, the corner of my lips perking up. “I’ll think about it. At least I have your number now.”
“Always at your service, miss. Have a good night.”
With that, the call ended. I didn’t realisd just how much time passed by simply talking to him. It went by so fast. It was already getting pretty late by the time I checked my phone for the time. I made my way back to the dorm, the cold breeze of the night kissing my skin gently and blowing strands of hair into my face that I had to brush off. I looked up to the sky, for once the world was quiet, at rest, and just for these few hours, I had always admired how I could breathe the freedom of mere minutes while I went to the dorm.
Yet, while admiring the ink black sky, the conversation I had with the call service guy resonated in my head, I laughed at how weird it was, pouring all that I’ve bottled up till now to someone who was of no significance to me. He probably won’t even remember we had this conversation, only passing it on as his first service call. He was also only doing his job, simply being there for me to talk. Why was I even taking this seriously? I could never rest. I could never take a break. I always had moments like these to treasure at heart before I awaken to everything going full speed yet again.
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I walked to the lecture hall, watching students happily walking on campus with their friends with the sky a mix of blue and white. It was a regular day. Hopefully, if I didn’t have any assignment and I could focus on studying.
Just then, a whole ton of screaming could be heard, but it was muffled and drowned out due to how far I was from the source. But it sounded horrendous. As if a boy band had just entered the campus and send billions of fangirls to their way. I wanted to continue walking but the squeals of excitement got louder and closer to me. I turned my head to the back. “Ah... why didn’t I think about that?”
There’s the group of guys again. Too popular for their own good. Everyone was shouting their names, swooning over each one of them. I wonder how they didn’t find having to deal with that annoying. Or perhaps it was just an act. I backed away from the hallway to watch them strut by casually, the group of girls following closely behind. But just then, for a brief moment, a guy wearing a black adidas jacket walked past me, mutttering “I really shouldn’t have followed you guys today.” He rolled his eyes and went out of sight. I turned my head to the right, where I could now see his back. He looked petite yet lean, with orange hair of a natural tone, the under part of it being black. What stood out to me the most was his adidas jacket. Wasn’t that the one from the library?
“Do you guys actually go through that every single day?” Jisung groaned out finally taking a breath of fresh air as they entered the room, feeling as if he got swallowed by all the attention throughout their trip to the playroom. Mark picked up a basketball from the side and began bouncing it casually to the couch where the rest were getting settled. “Today’s especially crazy because it’s our group’s anniversary.” Jisung gave an unimpressed look. “Do you think I don’t know that?” He shrugged in a blasé, god-could-care sort of way.
“How’s your call service thing going? We know it’s was your doing. My timeline’s blowing up about it this whole time.” Jeno questioned. Jisung sat at the corner of the couch. placing his forearm on the armrest and leaning his body to it. “Funny how it’s all girls and they all talked about how they couldn’t get you guys to notice them. It always had something to do with one of you.” Jisung laughed carelessly, remembering back the calls he’d been receiving throughout today. Jisung tried his best to suppress his laughter to not sound rude. Even if Jisung found it ridiculous, he wasn’t in the place to say anything about it. His call service was meant for him to console the people who called, no matter the situation he was being told.
However, another thought that came to focus was the call that he specifically had late in the night. It was his first call. And whoever that girl was, she certainly made an impression on Jisung. How she was letting it all out, being free enough to tell someone like him about such deep feelings. It was raw and transparent. The conversation never left his mind. Jisung zinged back to attention when he heard Haechan scoff loudly. He turned to him, seeing him leaned back, shoulders and back relaxed and cool while he had his weight placed on his leg and his arms folded. He then clicked his tongue and said, “Not surprised.” nonchalantly, clearly showing that he was already used to the large amount of girls swooning over him through his voice.
“So are you guys free tonight? We could take a break and hang out.” Everyone nodded their heads followed by hums filling the room signaling that everyone agreed, except for Jisung. “Jisung, you in?” Renjun asked. Jisung took in a deep breath, glancing sideways and giving it a thought. He slowly shook his head. “Why? Are you busy?” Chenle asked quizzically. “Have an assignment.” Jisung blurted out, though he had other reasons.
The rest planned to head out together after spending time in the playroom. Jisung was left in his dorm, pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other, eyes looking to his phone each time to turned. What was he waiting for? He wanted to ask himself, as if he didn’t already knew the answer. He was so drawn in to her. The way she spoke, the honesty in her voice. It’s as if he didn’t even need to look at her to know how she was moving and what she was doing.
Jisung scratched his head furiously and on the edge of his bed heavily, grabbing his phone and letting it sit in hand loosely. “She wouldn’t call again, would she? But I did imply that she could meet me if she wanted to. She might not even call again.” Jisung muttered to himself constantly, hopping from one possibility to another, raising his hopes up and bringing them back down. Jisung groaned loudly in frustration.
“Why am I even...” Jisung threw his phone to his bed and stood up again with a grunt, wanting to resume his assignment that was almost finished. All it took was one call to have him this tangled and have his mind wrapped around a simple phone call. Worst part is he didn’t even knew if he could ever see her. He could only depend on his chances and luck that she’d want to contact him again.
This time I decided to study in my dorm, too lazy to go down to the library. It wasn’t the best environment to study. My bed was literally mere inches away from my study table, constantly wanting to pull me into throwing myself on it and shut out each time I looked at it. It was a bad decision to have my room planned out like that, but I was too lazy to move it. I tapped the end of my pen against the table rapidly, my mind going black as I simply stared at a random spot on the wall. I wasn’t having the adrenaline to do my work today. I was simply doing it for the sake of doing it, not having a clear goal.
I turned to my phone, being a remembrance of my call with the service guy. I had thought about it the whole day, whether I should give him a call. But I was overthinking it. What if he’s busy? What if he had other people’s call to deal with? All sorts of questions popped up, but after giving it a long thought, I flipped my phone screen faced down harshly, shaking my head vigorously and tensing my hands on my scalp.
“Concentrate.” I stated out boldly to myself right smack in the face. I repeated the same word as I got ready to resume my studying. I couldn’t be thinking about a mere call. It was just a call. One time I let out my now spilled out feelings. I was empty now, so there shouldn’t be a need for another call. I could continue what I always did.
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Jisung’s friends had been realising how he’s been zoning out more often than usual. And he wasn’t as outwardly as he had always been. They pampered him a lot and treated him like their own child. But there was something that made Jisung feel different around them. Jaemin nudged Jisung in the elbow, making him jolt to sit up right in shock and shooting his head to Jaemin. “Huh?” Jisung let out.
“Have you been okay lately? You seem to have something on your mind often.” Jaemin asked, his eyes scanning the room and seeing the rest of their friends minding their own businesses. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head. “You sure?” Jisung puffed up his cheeks and let the air out through a sigh. “You know my call service?” Jisung began, he knew Jaemin would recognise the slightest change in Jisung’s behaviour. Everyone did, that was how much they cared about him. But Jaemin was the first one to bring it up so might as well. Everyone will know eventually.
Jaemin hummed in response. “My first call. It was very late into the night when. It’s a girl. And hers, was different than the rest I’ve received. As she talked, I felt that she was hiding nothing from me. That she was letting it all out for me to hear, not caring about who I was.” Jisung whispered. “I felt her desperation, her cries of help. Though she said she’ll manage it somehow, I got the feeling that she wouldn’t be able to. That she’ll crumble the more she continued.” Jaemin nodded his head slowly, processing Jisung’s words. “And so?”
“I mentioned to her that if she ever needed a call, she could do so. Or better if we meet. But she never called. And I don’t know who she is, which is what’s been on my mind. The frustration that she made such an impact yet I haven’t found out who she is.” Jaemin puckered his lips and looked upwards thoughtfully. “Did she mention anything about herself? Her major, or anything?” Jisung recalled their conversation that was etched in his mind. Jisung frowned and shook his head.
“What time did she call?” “One or two in the morning?” Jaemin gasped in disgust. “Who the hell-”
“Law and psychology students.” Jeno suddenly came into the conversation seamlessly and casually. Jisung leaned back and raised brows. “Really?” Jisung asked. Jeno scoffed and nodded. “They have tons of shit to study. From what Jaehyun tells me, they’re always staying up super late going through papers.” Jeno imitated a gag and a shiver in objection. “I could never.” He added.
“There’s so many students in those majors. How am I going to find her?” Jeno arched a questioning brow. “Find who?” Jisung sighed and motioned a hand to Jeno while looking at Jaemin, raising his brows for a moment. Jaemin waved a hand at Jeno when Jisung dropped his hand on his lap. “I’ll tell you guys later.” With that, Jeno shrugged mindlessly and went off. Jaemin adverted his attention back to Jisung, who looked even more discouraged than before.
“My poor baby. Listen, I’m sure you made an impression just like how she did on you. If she doesn’t call again, who knows. She might try finding you instead of giving you a call. Or you can just pray and gamble your luck. If you want, I’ll help you find her. You know my connections always come in handy.” Jaemin flashed a reassuring smile that Jisung didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, though it was smaller. “I’ll figure something out.” Jisung muttered, clicking his tongue.
I didn’t want to do this at first, but it kept bugging me the whole day, as if it was something that just had to be done by occupying my mind for almost the whole day. I walked out of the lecture hall, head scanning across the campus with my eyes wide open and attentive to find him.
From what I remembered, he said he was a performing arts major. And the only person I knew in that major was the one and only Ten, who I always saw lurking around the cafés on campus while I made my way back to the dorm. Luckily, I saw him sitting on a bench outside one of the cafés, munching on something while he played his phone. I instantly ran up to him, feeling a sense of hope rising while I accidentally poked Ten in the arm too hard to get his attention, causing him to wince. He looked up and recognised me, instantly flashing a welcoming smile.
“Oh, hey!” Ten shouted, his eyes forming a thin line while he waved at me with his chocolate croissant in hand. “Can I ask something briefly and perhaps even do me a favour?” I asked, slow and nervous with uncertainty. Ten raised his eyebrows quizzically. “Mm sure.” He simply replied. I exhaled and looked him in the eye. “I’m assuming you’re having your break now. Would it be possible for you to take me to your practice room? I know it’s random but I have something I need to check.”
Ten didn’t reply for a long minute, probably wondering why such a vague request came out from someone who would most likely have her time occupied almost 24/7. After waiting in anticipation, he finally shrugged and rose from the bench with a grunt. He proceeded to stretch his back, turning side to side and sighing in satisfaction. “Alright. I can take you there now.” With that, he went forward down the hall, walking as if leaving me behind. I stared at his back for a moment before quickly moving up to meet his pace.
We didn’t talk on the way there. Luckily I didn’t have to worry about us being awkward since the walk from the cafés to the practice room was only a few minutes. I was looking around when I almost bumped into Ten due to his sudden stop of motion and turning to face a door. I peeked inside and I could already see the full wall mirror that I saw dancers usually use. I turned to Ten, who jerked his head to the door, motioning me to open and enter the room.
The moment I placed my hand on the door handle, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of nervousness in me, wondering if I would even find him since I have zero idea on how he looked like. The only evidence I had was the fact that I saw someone wearing an adidas jacket who I assumed to be the one I was looking for. But that was such an unreliable assumption that I knew I couldn’t fully trust, but still try to find a way to use it to my advantage either way.
I pushed the door open, instantly bombarded with hard stomps coming from the people dancing. I felt the floor shake tremendously from the intimidating impact that created. The music was blasting from the speaker in front of them, along with a bottle which I assumed to be marked as the center of the stage. I watched silently, feeling Ten’s presence behind. With a glance over my shoulder, I could tell he was eyeing the performance with much concentration and intensity, eyes squinting as if analysing each and every one of their movements to a T.
I brought my focus back on them. It didn’t take my eyes long for it to focus on one person. The adidas jacket guy. One guy was wearing it. He was also wearing a black cap, blonde hair poking out from the bottom. His figure was small yet attractively lean. I couldn’t see his face at all. Yet, I was so drawn to him. Not just because he could’ve been the one I was looking for, but the fact that his dance was engaging, and nothing compared to the rest.
They got to a moment where everyone exited and it was just him alone in the center of the room while others waited by the sidelines. My mouth gaped open slightly, watching him go. His movements are seemingly perfect, every part of his body moving fluidly like water yet intricate and hard hitting. It was impactful, loud. He stood out, and I could picture the whole room going dark with a single light shining on him, and only him. I could tell he was expressing himself and giving his all. I didn’t need to have background knowledge on dance to see that in him.
The dance lasted for about five minutes, and I had my eyes locked on Adidas Jacket guy the whole time, too immersed to the point where I didn’t even feel Ten poking my shoulder. “_____?” He called out, making me blink my eyes rapidly upon hearing his voice and turning my head around. “Yeah?” Ten ruffled his hair. “They’re done. You can check whatever you need to check now.” I let out a soft, “Um...” while turning my head back to the front, eyes glazing over the room and looking for Adidas Jacket. I stood there frozen, not exactly sure what I even wanted to do in the first place.
I turned around fully to face Ten, adjusting my tote bag. “Actually, I think I’m good. I’ll go now. See you around?” It was more of a greeting than a question. But either way, Ten downshifted his head and moved his body out of my way to the door. “You too. Come more often if you’d like.” Ten smiled kindly. I simply reciprocated back the smile and walked out, not saying anything about Ten’s last comment.
At the dorm, I had my arms and legs spread out while I laid on my bed, blankly staring at the plain white ceiling while I tried to connect the dots, or even just simply having everything laid and mapped out in my mind. How was I even sure that could be him? His physique seemed to be similar from what I remembered, the jacket was another clue too. But how could I confirm it? I have yet to check the time the moment I came back, and I already knew hours had gone by.
“Who even are you?” I asked to the ceiling, directing it to the mysterious call service guy who had my mind hung up in him and having my busy life off balance.
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“Who are you?” Jisung questioned silently, though it was loud enough that Renjun had to peek his head over the bunk bed to look at Jisung who was below. “What are you talking about?” Renjun asked. Jisung turned his head to the side, showing Renjun his side profile and closing his eyes with a quiet sigh. “It’s nothing.” Renjun shrugged and headed back to sleep.
Jisung had his mind on her the entire time, who could she be, how he could find her, and even where to start? He knew nothing about her. And that’s the thing. He didn’t know exactly what was making him think about her so much, it was just their call in general. He had zero information on her. And if what Jeno said was true, then he was probably thinking about going through such extend with his idea to get even a glimpse of her.
That very day once he ended his dance practice which was around evening with the sun beginning to shine brightly, he went to the library. What was his plan exactly? He wanted to wait in the library till he could find her. But how would he even know? He didn’t even know why he was doing this in the first place. He was simply placing his bet on faith and praying that the hours he was about to spend in the most dreadful place ever would not go to waste.
Not knowing what to do, he ended up huddled in a corner of the library, using the bookshelves on both sides of him to lean back and rest his head. He hated being in libraries, he hated anything to do with academics, which was why he chose to pursue his passion for dance. Though there was still dance theory, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. But being surrounded by books that offered him no information he wanted to know about had him feeling dizzy and bored to death.
He checked the time on his phone, eyes widening at how late it was. He felt his stomach squeezing, a low grumble coming from it while desperately asking for food to enter his system. He face suddenly lit up, remembering how he had leftover bread from the bread store he dropped by during his break. He instantly took it out and ate, watching the sun come down through the windows and turning the sky from blazing red to ink black, welcoming the night with the moonlight shining in.
He has yet to notice anyone that caught his eye. He started to think that he could have possibly missed his chance. What if she was here but left when Jisung had his guard down? What if she wasn’t even here to begin with? Should he just leave and not waste more time? Jisung was desperately holding onto his last string of hope, that was already fraying and could snap in a matter of seconds. Too tired of staying in one place, he decided to take a walk around the library.
Jisung went to the study area, the spot where he stood from gave him a clear view of everyone in their seats. Fair enough, there were students who looked like they were about to stay the whole night here, which made Jisung sniffled in disgust. How could anyone even put up with that much studying?
He was roaming and scanning his eyes lazily over the books tucked neatly and tightly on the shelves, taking long strides while he walked. Suddenly, his phone vibrated in his hand. He brought it up in front of him, seeing an unknown number displayed. Picking up the call, and he greeted, “Hey! Always at your service. What do you need?” in the most cheerful way he could put out. Though the exaggerated sigh he let out while picking up the call might’ve been heard from the other end.
“Um hey. I don’t think you remembered me but I’m the first one to call. You know uh, stressed out girl? Need a rest day girl?” Jisung widened his eyes at the realisation. It was her. “Uh...” He stammered, quickly bringing his phone down to take a screenshot of her number before placing it back on his ear. “Hey! How have you been? Glad you called again.” Jisung turned around to lean again the bookshelf, arms folded while he looked down.
“It’s been fine.” She replied. Jisung could already feel the uneasiness in her tone, shining through her words. “You aren’t.” Jisung stated outwardly, unintentionally sounding harsh. “Have you taken your rest day?” Jisung asked out of pure curiosity. This was the moment of lucky coincidence, one that he had to make full use of so he wouldn’t let her slip out of his grasp. “Not exactly? I’m at the library again. Had to complete a project.” Jisung’s eyes widened again, this time till his eye ball could’ve fallen out of his eye sockets.
Jisung quickly and hurriedly made his way to the study area, where he last stood. And there she was. He could feel the hairs behind his neck standing upright like soldiers with goosebumps being sent all over his body. She’s the only student there, the orange lamp illuminating the small area surrounding her. Jisung could only see her back unfortunately. Jisung would’ve ran up to her and surprised her. But something in him made him want to just admire her from afar. “You seem to be putting that rest day off? Have it tomorrow. It’s a Friday either way.” Jisung mentioned, eyes narrowing down on her back.
Jisung watched as she sighed and a ran a hand through her hair quickly, somewhat in distress. “Can you force me to?” She whispered, lowering her voice. Jisung blinked his eyes for a moment. “You want me to force you? I don’t want you feeling forced.” She chuckled through the phone, sending a shiver down Jisung’s spine. “I know I won’t do it on my own will. I’m just like that. Like I said before, I’m basically driving myself into insanity trying to keep up with my work. Always grinding, always on the edge. And I can never slip off once.”
I called on impulse. My hands couldn’t keep away from typing in the same number now permanent on the bottom right corner of the table. As I hear him speak on the other end, I weirdly felt safe, and comfort. A sense of calmness. “I’m anxious that if I shut myself from the world from one day, I’ll miss out on a lot, and just stress over it while I try getting everything done to be back on the same level.” I gulped, laughing weakly. “I’m stressing myself for no reason.”
Jisung walked from the back of the bookshelves to shift his angle of sight, attempting to get a better look of her instead of just her back. He managed to get a better view, but the side of her face was covered by her hair as she kept looking down on the table, which only made Jisung frown. “Did you consider about the meet up?” Jisung questioned, peeking his head upwards and standing on his toes, trying everything he can he get a glimpse of her without actually approaching.
“Why do you want to meet me? Hasn’t there been anyone else that called you service? You are required to comfort them too. Why am I so important that you would even want to meet me?” Jisung left a long pause. He never expected such a thought. He didn’t know how to reply either. He bit the inside of his cheek, glancing sideways as he tried to force something out, knowing that she would have already suspected something from the long silence he gave. “If I’m being honest, the other calls were boring. Calls that have only been made once. You’re the only person who called back.” Truthfully, he had many other answers, but he all got blocked out when he narrowed his eyes down at her back.
“So me stressing over my life is much more interesting than the rest? I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jisung let out a soft chuckle, taking note to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t get caught. “Sure. Mm if you would escape to anywhere, where would you go?” She hummed in reply, most probably thinking long and hard. “I would...” She trailed, but it was followed by another longer pause. “Actually, I read about a Japanese term before. It’s ukiyo, the floating world.”
Jisung nodded his head, taking it in. “It when someone being detached from the bothers of life.” She sighed loudly through the phone, but Jisung could hear it clearly from the bookshelves. “I wish I could experience that floating world.” Her words grew into a whisper till it became inaudible at the end. Jisung saw her tilting her head down lower to the table, eventually using her forearm as a rest for her head. “Oh I have an idea.” Jisung replied quickly. “What if I become your so-called Peter Pan? Like, I can take you to Neverland for as long as you need. And that Neverland is just for you. It can be anything you want it to be.” Jisung suggested.
She laughed through the phone, a soft laugh that made Jisung’s already wavered heart skip another beat. “I’d love that.” Suddenly, she pushed her chair back, rising up from her seat. Jisung’s heart began to race, swiftly and silently turning his body to the back of the bookshelf. She was walking to the bookshelves a few rows down where he was at. He pressed himself up against the books in anxiety. “And what if I give you the free will to make Neverland? How would you want it to be? Because I know nothing about having a break.” Jisung heard her footsteps, one foot down followed by a few seconds of silence before placing down the next. It was slow and throwing Jisung off guard, thinking about what he’d do once she began to step close.
“I have two options. I’d either fill it with the things you love, or fill it with things I love and have you explore.” Jisung slid over to the nexy bookshelf ahead in fear, now keeping his voice lower than how it initially was. “I’d rather choose the latter. What do you like doing?” Jisung stared down at the floor. “Dancing, obviously. I like to hang out with my friends. Going out to the pet store just to look at hamsters.” Jisung and her giggled softly after hearing him say the last line.
“Hamsters? That’s cute.” Jisung took awhile to process the next part. He suddenly saw a pair of feet, inches away from his. He instantly shot his head up, seeing her standing in front of him. He tilted his head down a few degrees, realising that she was a lot shorter than him and needed to level the eye contact. For some reason, Jisung’s ribcage began to clench, suffocating his lungs and not letting a single grasp of air into his system as he looked at her. She wasn’t breathing either. The pin drop silence fill the small gap of air between them.
I brought my phone down from my ear, letting my hand fall to my side and my phone loosely hand by my fingers that wrapped around it. I glanced down for a moment before looking back up to him, he was extremely tall. “Wait you’re...” I tried to recall my memory while I took a close look at him, specifically his physique and body structure. It looked exactly like the one that caught my eye back at the practice room. “Were you the one dancing?” I questioned, not sure how to phrase it.
He tilted his head to the side and slowly nodded his head. “Um I’m always dancing?” He replied back with another question. But his head slowly tilted back straight, as if something had dawned on him. “You! Were you the one that came in the practice room that other day?!” He shouted, leaned back in shock as he covered his mouth that immediately gaped open at the realisation. I blinked my eyes rapidly and nodded my head. “Adidas jacket guy. It’s you.” I almost copied his posture entirely as I remembered.
The blonde hair, the thin yet lean body. It all matched. It was him. The cap didn’t give me a clear view before. But now, his face was right in front of me. And he was attractive. He had that baby face. All features of him were stunning and fit perfectly into his small face. He even had the looks to be an idol even, especially with those dance skills. “I’m Jisung. Park Jisung.” He finally introduced himself. In all honesty, I didn’t picture him to look like this while we chatted, his voice was low, and didn’t exactly suit the kind of build he had. “_____.” He hummed in response.
“This is...” Jisung broke his eye contact with me, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck while he breathed out a chuckle. “An unexpected way to meet. How’d you even find me?” I flashed a devious smile. “You weren’t hard to notice. I could hear shuffling right behind me then I heard your voice.” I shook my head. “What were you doing here though?” Jisung stammered, struggling to even form a sentence of reply. He looked like he was hiding the shakiness under his skin. “I thought I could find you by waiting here in the library.”
I squinted my eyes at his answer. So was he trying to find me all this time while I tried to do the same? “You actually waited here for hours?!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice a notch, too shocked when he downshifted his head. Why would he go through such lengths? Did he not think about the factors? Like how I would’ve not even come here in the first place? Or that I’d walk out and he’ll miss his chance? I had all those questions wrapped around my mind, but as much as I wanted to ask, all I could let out was, “So, Peter Pan.” I stated out loud, resuming the conversation we had on the phone.
Jisung smiled. It was a friendly smile. A warm one that embraced the space around them in the coldness of the dark. It also made him look a hundred times more attractive, with his eye smile that looked as if the world got brighter, and with his teeth showing. He kind of resembled a hamster, oddly enough. “Looks like I’m your Peter Pan now.” Jisung clasped his hands behind his back. “And my first order of business is getting you out of whatever hell hole you’re suffering from. And I don’t care what work you have to do. I’m not going to make you do it.” Jisung shook his head furiously, his bright orange-blonde hair swooshing as he did so, making it clear to me that it was extremely as light and fluffy as it looked to be.
“I’ll clear up my day. I have no lessons tomorrow so I’d usually study-” Jisung brought a finger up in front of my face, articulating it from left to right which a frown. “Nope. None of that. Being serious when I say you need a break. I feel like you have mental breakdowns like the one when you first called like once every week.” Jisung said, a soft hint of whining shining through his tone. “Wait do you?”
I bore my eyes into his, face feigned expressionless. “I mean, I had two mental breakdowns so far. That’s not bad, considering how many times I force myself not to.” I folded my arms, taking a step back to place my weight on one leg as I stood nonchalantly. “Yeah. But you still aren’t living your best life.” Jisung bent forward and smiled innocently, with eyes that looked into my soul and read my heart and mind.
“Pack up. You’re not studying anymore. Sleep. And I’ll meet you tomorrow at 2. Wake up at your own time. Don’t force your body into getting out of bed. Hear me?” Jisung began walking away, and I quickly followed, though I was struggling to keep up due to him taking big steps with his long legs. “Fine.” Was all I said, as we made our way to take our stuff from our separate places. We met back at the entrance, Jisung opening the door for me as I downshifted my head in thanks and went out.
“I watched you dance. It was incredible.” I suddenly let out, thinking about what else I could say about it. “It gave me a feeling that I can never pen down in words.” Jisung ruffled his hair and shook his head, adjusting his hair that looked messy. “Really? That’s nice to hear. But I know I can do better. I’m not the best.” When we stepped out of the library, I felt the cold breeze brushing my skin, too cold till I accidentally let out a shiver. “You seemed to be the best one there. I mean, the one that stood out to me the most.” Jisung raised both his brows, as if surprised such a comment came from someone. “Well I’m glad I was able to touch your heart.”
Moments of silence breezed through us like the cold air as we walked down the pathway. I didn’t know where Jisung’s dorm was, but it certainly wouldn’t be at my building. Was he walking actually wanting to walk me back? Either way, the silence wasn’t awkward. Jisung kept humming and nodding his head to the beat playing in his head, shoulders bobbing and making small movements. All I wanted to do was watch and smile. It made my stomach twist a knot, sending butterflies fluttering along while doing so. He would occasionally make eye contact and let out a cute giggle.
“Wait where even is your dorm?” I questioned. Jisung froze for a moment before quickly bringing his focus back on me to answer. “A few blocks down yours.” He simply said, bringing his index finger up to point in front. It was only now that I realised we were already at the entrance of my dorm building. “No wonder I’ve never seen you on campus before.” I muttered, nodding my head. Jisung adjusted the straps of his bag on his shoulders. “I’m not popular. Not like my friends. But at least my major mates know me.” I chuckle and blinked. “Of course they do. You’re talented.” I sighed and looked up to the sky, which was plainly a blank canvas with stars that could only be seen if you squint hard enough.
“I wish I had something to be proud of.” I whispered under my breath. Before Jisung could even say something back, I brought my eyes down from the sky and shook my head. His mouth was already opened and ready to speak, but he didn’t. “So I’ll see you tomorrow? Is there anything I should prepare myself for?” Jisung shrugged with a soft smile. “Nothing. We’ll just do the first thing that pops in my mind. I’m the type to be impromptu.” I hummed, saying goodnight to him one last time before going into the building, not looking back. Yet I felt his eyes glued to me, which only made me self conscious till I was completely out of sight.
One thing’s for sure, I already knew something that was different about us. I didn’t even meet him for long, but I could already tell Jisung was so laid back, relaxed, moving with his day like a breeze, no worries for the world whatsoever. He liked being impromptu, while I always had my days scheduled so meticulously. He seemed to be the complete opposite of me, yet he was still able to have order in his life. Curiosity spurred in me. I was having that urge to know him more, how he was able to live like that, how Jisung, was Jisung.
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Funny enough, Jisung didn’t tell me about where to meet. Which was why I chose to seat the bench right outside my dorm building. I didn’t know how long I was waiting. I did follow his advice. I woke up quite late and stayed in bed watching Netflix shows. I took my time to get ready. And I actually went down a little over 2. I had my earphones plugged in, scrolling through Twitter since I had nothing else better to do on my phone. I didn’t have any games on it, or much of any form of entertainment. I never had time for those either.
Out of the blue, I heard something that resembled a buzz of some sort right beside my right ear. I instantly turned my head to it, leaning back and almost falling off the bench as I sent my bottom to the edge, shocked at seeing a drone flying right beside me. It wasn’t just an ordinary drone. It flew closer to me, and I squinted my eyes for closer inspection. There was a camera. It made me jump off the bench and taking steps back. And with each time, the drone flew closer to my face.
“Hey calm down!” I heard for a distance. My eyes adverted to the voice, seeing a small sized Jisung standing far from me. He tiptoed and waved his hand high, the other hand holding the controller of the drone. I could only laugh nervously as he ran up to me. “Good afternoon to you.” Jisung greeted cheerfully with a bright smile. I gulped and forced a casual smile, though I was still weirded out by the drone that was now circling in front of us. “You like me drone? My friend made it actually.” Jisung giggled.
I pursed my lips. “You chose to greet me with that?” I pointed my finger out with skepticism in my tone. “I’m sure you noticed the camera.” Jisung reached out for the drone, and held it in his hands. How can his hands hold something that big with so much ease? Or maybe the drone was small and his hand made it look big. “I was thinking we could record your day. If you were to actually have fun, you’ll have it on tape so you can watch back and remember the fun when you’re going through stressing times.” While Jisung was explaining, I couldn’t help but notice how brightly he was smiling. It was like the one he flashed at the library that night, but this time it was two folds of it, making the effect of butterflies in my stomach fluttering two fold as well.
“You really thought deep...” I whispered, leaning in to examine the drone while he moved it around for me to look at it from different angles. “It’s not so deep. I thought it only made sense for us to record a day like this. It’ll be fun, trust me.” I could only chuckle and stare down at my feet for a moment before looking back to meet his eyes and asking, “So, Peter Pan, where’s our first stop?” Jisung took out his phone and scrolled through it, I took a peek and realised he was on his notes. It had a list and it was labeled “TODO LIST FOR D-DAY” I giggled softly. “You’re making such a big deal out of today. I’m shocked.”
Jisung chuckled and ran a hand through his hair after placing the drone down on the floor. “Mm I like doing things like this. You know like, doing things out of the ordinary. This is certainly one of the time.” I furrowed my eyes at him while he had his on his phone. He probably felt my eyes searing into him, making him lift his eyes up and staring cluelessly. “So I’m out of the ordinary?” I questioned, tilting my head and feigned intimidation.
“What? No, no! I meant the fact that there’s someone who I need to plan a day out for. This kind of things don’t happen everyday.” Jisung leaned back and lifted up both his hands in defence, only making me laugh loudly and shaking my head. “Calm down. I was just teasing. I’m much for weird than I look.” Jisung raised both in eyebrows and jerked his head down to my phone. I blinked my eyes rapidly at his action. “I can already tell. Who has their timetable as their wallpaper?” Jisung faked a gag, which only made me frown as I glanced at my phone. “Nothing’s wrong with that!” I retorted, huffing and walking forward. I barely took a step before Jisung pulled me back.
“Peter Pan hasn’t even tell you the location, dummy.” He flicked my forehead with his finger, making me grimace. “Oh you dare to do that?!” I gaped my mouth open and scoffed in amusement, glancing sideways before retrieving my eyes back to Jisung. “I’m getting back at you!” I growled. “Till you do something that deserves the need to do it.” My voice grew softer with each word and my shoulders bobbed up while my expression turned into an embarrassed one. Jisung laughed out loud, he seemed to be enjoying himself, leaning back and holding his stomach from all the laughter he did for a full moment.
“Till I deserve it? Why are you so uptight?! Come. I’ll let you do it.” Jisung leaned forward, face meeting my level as he closed his eyes and a child-like smile played on his lips. I stared at him for a long moment. And when he didn’t feel any impact, he opened one eye in question. “Come on.” He urged, motioning his hand to his forehead. I chuckled at this, my hand being brought up like it had a mind of its own and flicked Jisung’s forehead with much force. He grimaced, but covered his pain with a sincere laugh the second after. “There aren’t any rules. Do what you want to me, okay? See, I can be your punching bag if you need me to.”
I gave Jisung a disinterested look. “Mm sure. Enough chatting just take me wherever already.” Jisung laughed at my impatience, sliding his phone into hus back pocket and getting himself ready to fly the drone. It flew up and almost went to my face. Luckily my quick reflexes allowed me to avoid it quickly, resulting in Jisung hissing and mumbling, “Sorry.” under his breath. He began to walk forward with me followed closely behind him as he played with the drone and letting it hover around as it recorded us from above.
We were walking quite a distance. I didn’t expect it to be this far. The sound the drone kept making was already imbedded into my memory. We were walking down a street I was completely unfamiliar with and the sun shining brightly above us wasn’t helping at all, only with occasional times when the clouds covered the sun for mere moments before it became blazing hot again. “Where are we even going?” I questioned, taking a look around my surroundings. Jisung finally let the drone come down from the air. He picked it up and motioned his hand with the drone to the building right in front of us. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up to the building.
“I thought about us enjoying the simple things in life. I didn’t want to take you to any fancy or high end places because well, I have no money for one. But it’s also because if you’re going to do this again, I’d want it to be something affordable. A place you can go to anywhere, anytime.” Jisung shrugged while he explained the reason of choosing this place which I still have yet to know its purpose since I saw no sign that gave me a single clue. “That’s deep.” I simply said. Jisung pursed his lips and nodded his head. “That was unintentionally deep.”
Jisung fiddled with the drone to turn it off and passed it to me for me to hold as he opened the door and gave me way. I downshifted my head and went inside. I looked around. It seemed to be a lobby. There was a small counter at the corner and in front was a deep hallway filled with doors left and right. What was this place? I felt Jisung’s presence behind me as he went to the counter. With a smile, the woman behind gave him a key. He went forward in front of me and tossed the key in the air for it to drop to the floor. I raised a brow at his action. I assumed he tried to expertly catch the keys again but failed to do so. I wanted to face but I kept my neutral expression. Jisung picked it up quickly and turned to flash a soft smile before proceeding to walk. I again followed behind.
While I walked down the hallway, I could hear different music coming from each door. Some rooms were silent while other were blasting music so loud yet muffled due to the door blocking out the music. There weren’t any windows on the door that I could peek into to see what was inside, which only made me more skeptical as I tried figuring out what this place was. Jisung abruptly stopped in front of one door, which was at the very end of the hallway. I almost bumped into him but stopped myself by placing a hand near his shoulder where I would’ve bump into.
Jisung slid the key into the keyhole and fiddled around for a moment for the key twisted and the door opened. Once again he made way for me to head in first. A gentleman, that was another thing about Jisung I took note of. I walked into a pit of darkness till I heard Jisung flip a switch and the lights turned on. I gaped my mouth open in awe and nodded my head slowly as I took unsure steps in. “Is this like...” I tried to form my sentence but I was mesmerised by the blank space of the wooden plank floor and the wall sized mirror that stretched from one end to the other entirely. “Your own dance studio?”
Jisung smiled softly and hummed, standing beside me while we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. “Wait. You aren’t actually telling me to...” I very slowly turned my head up to look at him, realising he already had his eyes on me before I even made eye contact. I brought my index finger up and swirled it around beside me to motion to the the dance studio. “Dance, right?” Jisung didn’t reply, only forming a sly smile for a split second before walking to the side while scrolling through his phone. Music began to play through the speakers from the top corners of the room. He placed his phone down and began moving his body to the beat while making his way back to me.
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” Jisung smiled brightly and giggled, proceeding to close his eyes and continue grooving to the music being played. It was upbeat and relaxing, not like the ones played at clubs. It was chill and something anyone could move to. Except, I couldn’t. With arms folded and wrapped around my chest, I stared at him with a tilted head. Probably feeling my eyes on him, he fluttered his eyes open and looked at me with an innocent look. “Try dancing!” Jisung shouted, blinking his eyelids rapidly. I only narrowed my eyes in response. Jisung groaned and suddenly brought his hands out to hold my wrist, eventually holding my hands in his.
“You said we can do what I like. And I like dancing. It relieves my stress. I’m sure it’ll have the same effect on you if you actually try.” Jisung begged. He slowly brought my hands up, moving side to side, urging me to follow my lead. I was skeptical. This was never my thing. My body was as stiff as stone when I tried following Jisung. I didn’t know how he was simply so natural and fluid. He wasn’t trying hard at all, unlike me. “Hey.” Jisung suddenly whispered, leaning forward so his face was just mere inches away from mine. My breathing hitched in my throat. “You’re trying too hard. Loosen up. Feel the music.” Jisung’s advise was soothing, whispers that went in my ears and could stay in my mind for ages as he looked into my eyes and searched for the specks of uncertainty that he so desperately want to get rid of.
I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders. With Jisung’s large hands still with mine, Jisung slowly and naturally pulled me closer to him. I composed myself and tried to keep my cool as much as possible, putting my mind at peace and solely focusing on the music. Jisung hummed and tried to move me again. This time, I was slowly able to let my body loose, getting the beat of the song into my head and slowly bobbing my head to it. I couldn’t help but smile as I began to move however I want, being free. “You’re doing it!” Jisung shouted happily, letting go of my hands and allowing our bodies to dance.
I wasn’t looking at the mirror this whole time. But when I did, I grimaced in disgust, leaning back and sticking out my tongue. “Jeez I look so ugly dancing.” I sighed with a frown. Jisung laughed loudly and nodded. “Indeed. But that’s the whole point. No one’s here to judge you. I can be weird with you, if that’s what you want.” Jisung clasped his hands behind him and leaned forward again, flashing his cheeky smile. I scoffed. “Please, how can a great dancer like you dance weirdly? I mean look at you. Everything you do is flawless.” I huffed out, folding my arms.
Another song began to play. This time it was a slow one. Nothing sad or emotional, it felt like a song that was meant to bring yourself back down to earth. “I wasn’t even good last time. It took a lot of effort to get to where I am today.” Jisunv explained carefully, weary so that he wouldn’t sound like he was beinf boastful. Jisung suddenly looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully and after a moment he opened his mouth like a light bulb of thought above his head switched itself on.
Jisung immediately ran to the door, flicking the switch and turning the lights off. It was dark, but some light was still able to shine through from the cracks of the door, making me see Jisung’s figure, but not the details of his face only if I looked close enough. He went back to me and said, “There. With the lights closed, you can do whatever and I won’t see it clearly.” Jisung shrugged triumphantly. I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement.
After that, multiple songs continued to play. His playlist was probably on shuffle mode but they were all songs I could dance to. I could see Jisung and I moving in the mirror. Again, not obvious, but still seen. Out of nowhere, Jisung pulled me in by grabbed my wrist lightly. He pulled me hard till my chest bumped into his. “Sorry.” He whispered, chuckling awkwardly. Jisung was clumsy, yet cute i. his own way. Another feature of his I began to take note of. It took me awhile to realise how close we were. He could probably feel my breath on his skin at this moment.
I looked up from his chest, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, my surroundings blanked. The music drowned out into nothing and the darkness of the room got even darker. And at the same time, Jisung’s face began to be the only thing that was clear to me. I did notice how attractive he was. But this situation was only making it ten times harder for me to handle to emotions that suddenly spurred inside me. My heart was beating fast and my cheat began to clench tightly, giving me no air to breath in as I stood there breathless for a long moment. Jisung didn’t move either, his eyes wandering my face as if looking at every inch.
It was at this moment that got me to think that indeed, I was stress-free. I wasn’t thinking about the pile of books I had to read and analyse. I wasn’t thinking about what was due next week and what my schedule was. All I had my focus on was Jisung and I. The freedom and lightness I was feeling. It was something I never felt for so long. It’s as if I barely knew such a feeling existed. And all it took was doing something that I wasn’t even good at. Doing it with Jisung. It would be too early to say this, but he could very well be the first person that made me feel this way in my whole college life.
“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Jisung beamed at me as we made our way back to the counter to return the keys. I breathed out a light chuckle and sighed in satisfaction. “Mhm. It was actually... very fun.” I puckered my lips. Jisung went to the counter and leaned forward after placing the key down for the woman to take. He whispered something to her and she nodded her head. She went to the back and Jisung turned around to meet my eyes. “Got a little present for you.” The woman came back with the same key, or perhaps a replica of it. Jisung downshifted his head in thanks and handed me the key. I took it wearily.
I glanced down at it and trailed my eyes back to Jisung. “Why would you give me the key?” I questioned. Jisung took a step in and had his eyes on the key in my hand. He brought his hand up and closed the key in my palm. “I’m giving you access to my most private space ever. That’s because I want you to feel the same way I do whenever I’m in there. Carefree. Effortless. You can go in whenever you want, whenever you need. I don’t have to be there with you all the time. You don’t even have to dance. Just let the atmosphere of the studio calm you. Basically, do whatever. I just want you to be free.”
With each word his voice got heavier with meaning and sincerity imbued, and my heart grew lighter with each breath.
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Days go by, and though I didn’t meet Jisung again, he’d occasionally call me late at night to check up on me. And every time I said I was doing work, he’d let out an exaggerated groan and force me to sleep. He sounded like those mothers that keep nagging at you. And with his talkative nature, Jisung and I could go rambling for hours on the phone till one of us sleeps. It’ll mostly be me since I could already drif off to dream land the moment my body hits the bed.
Today, I was feeling trapped in my dorm room. Something in me was feeling the urge for an escape as the walls caved in with every hour passing by. My brain was beginning to slow its gears and I wasn’t able to boost my motivation back up. I glanced to my phone where it showed the time blaring onto my face. “It’s only a ten minute walk.” With a shrug, I dumped everything I wanted to get done by tonight and headed out the door, not giving a single care to look neat and going out in my sweater and sweatpants.
I went into the building, it was dark with only the moonlight from outshine shining in through the glass entrance. I made my way to the dance studio, key in my hand that I already shoved into the pockets of my sweater on my way here due to the cold of the night. I unlocked the door and entered. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. Instead I switched on the small lamplight that Jisung told me he placed there in case I needed it. I silently thank Jisung in my mind as I began to unpack my things.
I took one look around the studio. It was spacious, the plank floors leaving the space wide open just for me. Though I came here to do work, my mind was slowly trailing off to Jisung. His figure slowly appeared, picturing him in my mind as I let his shadows dance in the dark. It was his dance that caught my eye and it was his personality that was making me crave to know him more. I was mesmerised, enchanted by every move he made. Every word he spoke, every clumsy gesture. It was all those things clumped into one that was sucking me in.
I startled out of my thoughts with a quick shake of my head and got to work. Quite a long time had passed by. Jisung was right. The atmosphere of the studio, silent, peaceful, nothing to disturb my serenity. For some reason, I didn’t think twice when I grabbed my phone to call Jisung at this timing. Before I could even press on his contact number, my eyes flickered to the time. 2:30AM. For one moment I thought he’d be asleep. But with remembering about his call service, I knew he’d still be up. My hopes filled me up with I called and placed the phone on speaker phone, placing my phone back down beside me while I continued to write.
Jisung picked up in a matter of seconds. “Hey! How are you?” I smiled softly. No matter the time and place, he never failed to sound cheerful and bursting with energy. It felt as if he was being like that just for me. “Nothing. Just work.” Should not have said that. “What?! It’s two in the damn morning? How are you even- no more studying. Makes me puke every time I hear that.” Jisung feigned a gag and I laughed loudly in response to his disgusted reaction. “I’m almost done, alright? I’m actually at the music room. It’s quite nice being here.” Jisung hummed and I leaned back, placing my hands behind me. “Oh you’re there? Want me to join you?” Jisung’s voice suddenly grew excited. The sudden burst of energy shocked me. How was he able to be so energetic in the dead morning?
“You don’t have to! I was just about to go anyways.” I squinted my eyes and formed a quizzical look on my face. Why did I even say that? I wasn’t even about to leave. “I don’t have classes tomorrow so I can stay up. I know you don’t have any either.” I raised an eyebrow, my eyes going to the screen as I saw Jisung’s name still flashing at me. “What are you even suggesting?” I questioned with a confused tone. Jisung smacked his lips. “Mm to have a night out with you? We didn’t go out for so long.” Jisung cried out. I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly and tilted my head a few degrees at his suggestion.
I leaned forward to my phone, my voice lowering itself to a whisper. “You... actually want that?” I blinked my eyes rapidly, waiting for his answer. Jisung breathed in once and said, “I just said that, didn’t I?” I frowned. “But I want you to rest and-”
“Already out the door!” Jisung ended the call. I sighed. But a smile cracked on my lips at the thought of him coming here.
“What is all this mess?” Jisung complained in disgust. Face scrunched up and nose crinkled at the sight of my books and papers while he helped me to slide it back into my tote bag. He grabbed a stack and placed it on his thigh. Flipping through. I could only see cluelessness in his eyes. “Jeez. This is so not to my liking. Or understanding.” Jisung shrugged and shoved it into the bag, making it the last stack.
Jisung stood up and carried it on his shoulder, instantly crying out as he leaned over to the side where he hung the bag, the weight of it pulling him down. “How do you carry these all day?!” Jisung shouted with utmost shock. I simply shrugged and made my way for the door. “You’d be surprised at how much my shoulder hurts every week.” I said nonchalantly due to the fact it was truly something I’ve gotten used to. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Jisung bringing himself back up and trying to get used to the weight while walking to me. I opened the door and with a kind smile, moved my body aside to give way for him to exit, which he gladly thanked for with a whisper.
“Anyways, there’s a twenty four hour ice cream shop that just opened nearby. Are you in for a treat?” Jisung questioned, looking down at me. I turned my gaze from the floor and to him, glancing sideways for a quick thought before nodding. “Sure.” I simply replied. I could only follow Jisung, once again not knowing where he wanted to take me. I was familiar with the neighbourhood around campus of course. But I’ve been staying at the campus for so long that I never got the chance to find out what was new about it. Such as a new ice cream shop I never knew existed till now.
The walk there was comfortable silence. I took this time to look at Jisung’s outfit. He was wearing his signature black adidas jacket, track pants and a black cap. It felt like it was something unique only to him. A person I could identify instantly with what he wears. I like Jisung in it. It was a lazy look but he somehow managed to pull it off, naturally good looking. My focus trailed down to what I was wearing, and I couldn’t help but think about just how bad I looked at this time of the night.
Jisung once again abruptly stopped. I was able to dodge him this time and stand beside him. He looked inside the shop while I had my eyes on the sign that said they were open. “They actually do open twenty four seven.” I muttered, instantly realising that Jisung had already entered the shop when I heard the sound of the bells above the door ringing, the door swinging open. I quickly caught up to the door, making it just in time before it closed fully and entered.
I stood beside Jisung, the two of us scanning through the menu above the counter. “Is this your first time here?” I asked. Jisung bobbed his shoulders. “It is. You?” I shook my head. “I didn’t have time to be going out and trying out food that the neighbourhood has to offer. I stick to the food on campus most of the time.” Jisung scoffed softly and turned to me. “Which is practically convenience store food. How boring of you.” My jaw dropped and I breathed out an unbelievable chuckle, punching his shoulder gently. “And how rude of you to say that.” I feigned exasperation and looked up to the menu again after the two of us laughed softly.
I was the first to walk up to the counter, Jisung quickly following behind as I felt his presence being awfully close to my back. “Can I get three scoops of chocolate chip cookie?” The woman at the cashier nodded and turned her attention from me to Jisung. “You?” She questioned. I turned my head to him as well. Jisung squinted his eyes while he looked up to the menu again. He stuttered for a moment before responding. “I’ll just get two scoops of strawberry swirl.” The woman cracked a small smile, almost invisible as she keyed in our order. She told the price and looked at the two of us, waiting for the cash. When Jisung didn’t respond, I quickly took out my wallet. I glanced at hi for a brief moment, noticing that he was looking at me and didn’t hear the cashier. But before I could even slide out my dollar note, Jisung slammed my hand down lightly and took out his money in one swift motion.
“Thanks.” I softly whispered as the two of us walked to the side t wait for our ice cream. I folded my arms and placed my weight on one leg. Jisung sighed loudly, assumingly to break the silence between us. “Three scoops? That’s a lot.” Jisung mentioned. I frowned and waved a lazy hand at him. “Calm down I’ll pay for the three scoops. I’m just craving for it.” I breathed out, now feeling slightly bad that I spent a lot of Jisung’s money since the price was quite expensive. Jisung looked down on me, quirking up a questioning brow. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying it’s a lot. You don’t need to pay me.” Jisung quickly retorted with assurance imbued into his tone.
My mouth formed an ‘O’ at the realisation and slowly nodded my head. “We can’t be eating here, right? So where are we going to go?” Jisung ruffled his hair, adjusting the strands that laid naturally and nicely down his forehead. I was still able to see his eyes despite having it covered by the layer of hair. “Our spot.” I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Our spot?” I echoed back, completely clueless. 
Jisung flashed me a disappointed expression along with a sigh. “The studio. That, or we can just eat at the park nearby. Oh and don’t expect me to protect you if we get kidnapped. I won’t be strong enough to protect you.” I laughed at the joke, Jisung chuckling along with me. “You dance with such energy and you’re telling me you can’t beat a kidnapper?” I scoffed loudly in amusement. “You’re quite something.” I added on. Jisung looked down, somewhat in a shy manner and smiled before lifting his head back up. “I really am.” 
-Just how much was I missing out on
We walked out, ice cream in hand. Jisung seemed to be texting someone with his free hand while I simply looked down on my ice cream and be the first to dig in. The bite felt like a trip down memory lane. How was it that I didn’t enjoy simple things like ice cream during college? Don’t get me wrong I do still eat ice cream, but I never experienced one that tasted authentic, way better than the ones sold in convenience stores. “You seem to be enjoying it.” Jisung suddenly let out, making me head shot up to him and then to my ice cream, which I already noticed that I took more than just one bite already. 
Jisung slid his phone into his track pants and got to eating. His jaw dropped and his mouth hung open so wide that it could reach the floor. With the ice cream nestled on the surface of his tongue, he gasped loudly and looked to me instantly. “This is so good!” Jisung squealed with much happiness and excitement, taking another bite instantly and moaning in satisfaction. The two fo us ate in silence as we walked, allowing ourselves to sink into the ice cream’s captivating flavours like a bath. 
We entered the park. It was dimly lit, with only the lamps that lined the pathways and lighting the place with an orange hue. Jisung took quick steps forward to sit on the nearest bench. I sat down beside him, a small smile forming on my lips. All that we could see were the lights and trees that had its leaves and branches swaying in the gentle breeze. Jisung had his full attention on his ice cream, ow seeming to be taking small bites to preserve the ice cream and take a longer time to finish it. 
“One question. How long have you not come to this park? Or have you never?” Jisung’s question got my mind blank. I thought about it for quite some time, till Jisung had to hum to see if he even got my attention. “The only time I’ve been here was two years ago. For helping out at an event as a job.” Jisung moved his lips to one side. “Question two. Was majoring in law what you wanted to do?” I already knew this conversation was about to get deep. And at that moment, if I’m being really honest, I’m glad Jisung’s the one I’m having this conversation with.
“Yeah. At first I thought lawyers looked cool in those Korean dramas. My only goal at that time was to do any major that I seemed to be interested in and one that could get me rich. Those were my only two requirements that satisfied me. I was always hardworking but I never knew my work could get this overloaded. I wasn’t ready for it.” I took in a deep breath to compose myself, realising how real I was getting about myself. “I only started having breakdowns at the end of last year. Never bothered to take a break due to constant anxiety on how much I could miss out on. All because I want that simple goal of doing well in college for a job that’ll give me good pay. I didn’t even think about what I’d do with the money. I never bothered to expand my goal beyond that. And I think that makes me very low, and shallow minded.” 
I slowly tited my head up, wanting the cool air to cool my face. The sky was nothing but plain ink black darkness with only the small moon shining it’s moonlight on us. I closed my eyes, not really caring if Jisung responded to anything I just said. Letting it out for him to hear was all I wanted, all that I need. I kept my breathing steady and collected, the simple calmness of the quiet surrounding putting my mind at ease. “But have you ever thought that you don’t need to keep up with whatever’s around you?” Jisung whispered. I fluttered my eyelids open and brought my eyes down to meet his. We locked eyes, and Jisung reached out in front of me to grab my now empty cup, making my breath hitched in my throat. He always made me stop breathing whenever he got close. What was he, death?
“What do you mean?” Jisung puckered his lips, seeming to be deep in thought before replying. “I get that you want to do well. But you don’t always have to go at the speed this world’s at. It’s not always in the hustle.” Jisung whispered carefully. His eyes never met mine. And with each word and every one that was going to come after, could drive it’s words deep into my heart and soul, like he was seeing right through me. “Look around you. This place, the studio. You would’ve never discovered them if you were so focused. Slow down to see the prettier things in life. Isn’t that what they always say?” HIs words were definitely meant to bring an impact. And it did. My heart sank, not in a bad way. But simply because the realisation and reality was weighting my heart down. 
“Technically, you introduced me to the studio and park.” Jisung brought his hand out, as if putting his words on it and placing it in front of me. “Exactly. You wouldn’t even get to know me if you never took time to look at your surroundings and finding my note.” I licked my bottom lip that was extremely dry. My eyes absentmindedly went down to his lips, that still looked unbelievably smooth despite the dryness of the air. “I told you, didn’t I? I can be here for you. Whatever you need. So don’t always think college is everything. I mean, look at me.” I chuckled. 
But Jisung was right. I did took time to look at him as a person. He was doing something that wasn’t just interest, but what he loved and had passion for. He’s able to do well and not have to stress over things too much and too often. Jisung was able to carry himself how he wants to and be satisfied with life when I would be satisfied with mine long years down the road. He was the physical representation of ukiyo. The floating world that didn’t bother about the worries of life, and living it his own way, no matter what could appen to him. He was a ukiyo standalone. 
“Slow down to see the prettier things the life.”
Jisung might just be that prettier thing.
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Jisung and I got close, real quick. It wasn’t a surprise. I already knew I’d want to meet him more often, wanting him to be my escape from the whirlpool of life. He was always a breath of fresh air, a sight for sore eyes. He never failed to make the time I spent with him meaningful to the last second. I quickly grew to realise that I needed to meet him on a regular basis. I needed to take my mind off work, and he was the only one who could do it for me.
I was just finishing lecture, carrying the heavy pounds of books in my hand with much struggle. I was trying to juggle my book on my forearm while the other tried to find for my phone in my pocket to text Jisung, saying I wanted him to come over to accompany me. With a quiet grunt I tried to type with one hand, which to me was an extreme struggle. Just when I decided to stop walking to get myself gathered together, I looked up from my phone, suddenly seeing a group of guys walking just past me.
Murmurs and whispers from different angles could be heard from far away, I raised my brow, watching their backs. One that caught my eye was the adidas jacket. I knew instantly from his figure and bright orange natural looking hair that it was Jisung. I instantly ran up to him, shoving my phone into my bag to just I could have a free hand to tap on his shoulder. “Jisung!” I screamed happily, after giving him a tap I placed a firm grip on his shoulder to stop him. The other guys surrounding him turned around, noticing how Jisung abruptly stopped.
“Who’s she?” One of them asked, his voice sounding arrogant and cocky from the get-go. Jisung gulped and looked left and right, glancing over his shoulder. He suddenly seemed anxious. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly, sucking in his lips while he rubbed a nervous hand at the back of his neck. “I-I don’t know.” Jisung quickly replied. He stared at me for a moment, eyes cold and would probably feel like ice if I were to maintain it any longer. Jisung shoved away the hand I had on his shoulder roughly, only making me scoff loudly. “What the heck? Jisung you good?” I was about to reach my hand to punch him lightly on the shoulder, thinking that the way he’s acting was just a joke, but with him having quick reflexes, he got a firm grip on my wrist in a matter of seconds.
“Look. I don’t know you. Why are you treating me like you’re my friend?” Jisung’s words were meant to slice. And it worked. I was in disbelief, the large wave crashing over me and wiping me out and the words rolled hard on his tongue. Jisung slammed my wrist down, my whole arm swinging backward slightly from the strong impact before it fell down my side. I looked to my hand and trailed my gaze back to Jisung. I stiffened, trying not to shiver under his gaze. What was going on with him? Another friend of his placed a hand on his shoulder and jerked his head forward. Jisung pushed me off with his cold gaze one more time and turned around sharply to walk away. I gaped, eyes widened as the other looked to each with unsure faces and disappeared along with Jisung.
I stumbled a few steps back from Jisung’s impact. The impact in his words, actions. Why was he like that? He said he didn’t know me. I took a moment to head over to a nearby bench to place my books down and have a break, but it was mostly to think over about why Jisung suddenly acted different. He never seemed like that before. He looked... cold and unapproachable. That look in his eyes when he made eye contact with me, it felt as if he never knew me at all. What was with that sudden shield?
Later that day, I tried to text Jisung. Give him a call, sending multiple texts. He wasn’t responding to any of it. He used to always be free 24/7. Why was he suddenly not online, especially after what had just happened. I wanted to know why. This was the first time he ever acted like that towards me. And it was too odd. We would never meet too often. But without him texting me at least once a day, you could say I was falling apart again when he began to not get into contact with me for a whole week after the incident.
I tried to find him again. Seeing him on campus whenever, I tried to approach him. This time I walked up to him quickly and had a firm grip on his wrist. “Jisung? What’s wrong with you the other day? You acted as if you didn’t even know me.” I said with a nervous chuckle, wanting to seem like it didn’t bother but failed tremendously. Jisung looked at me blankly, expressionless. Like nothing went through his mind with that I said. Or even looking at me. Jisung bit his lower lip, glancing sideways as if he didn’t want to give a single care about my presence.
He slid my grip off his wrist. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.” Jisung said in a monotonous manner. He glanced to his left and right quickly, eyes meeting mine for a brief moment. And in that small second of eye contact, I felt something. His eyes looked sad, like he was feeling sorry. But that look disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Jisung was out of sight once again.
I was in bed, eyes up to the plain white ceiling that gave me the free will to think about anything. Anything and everything, but it all lead to Jisung. I simply couldn’t shake it off. The way Jisung looked at me. I felt the impact of his push so vividly. I kept replaying the scene in my mind. It was just so not Jisung. It was so off from what he’s like. It seemed like it wasn’t Jisung at all. I turned to my side, phone right beside my face. I picked it up, instantly going to my contacts and clicking on Jisung’s name.
“What’s going on with you...” I said in a soft whisper, my mind trailing off yet again as I stared at Jisung’s name on my screen, so bright and so big. Yet it suddenly felt distant. Jisung, felt distant. A long while had past, and I still contemplated on whether to give him a call. I gave up doing so a few days back. Why did I still have hope? He didn’t seem to want anything to do with me. And I knew it wasn’t because he’s busy. He didn’t want to contact me. He’s ignoring me.
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, slow and steady to calm my mind. I was beginning to jump to conclusions. And I really would never want to have that perception of Jisung. Never once thought of him that way, and never will. I would never. I groaned out loud, turning off my phone and placing it back down beside me harshly with the screen faced down. I curled myself up into a ball. It had only been a week. And I was already missing him. His voice, his clumsiness, his cuteness. The sudden change of his attitude, to the whole ignoring and growing distant thing. It was too much. Again I was falling, cracking at places where it got pieced together when I was with Jisung.
Unable to sit still, I got up and walked to my study table, slamming my body down and beginning to do work. I furiously began writing, doing whatever I can to suppress myself. I was growing mad, and if I had to let out my anger, I’d be doing it in the productive way. However, I was only able to keep that adrenaline up for a few minutes till I got to frustrated that I threw my pen on the wall in front of my and balled fists into my hair, screaming till my voice disappeared. I shut up eyes close, allowing the tears that had been welling up this whole time to finally fall, sending myself into a breakdown.
I cried and shouted with all my heart. I couldn’t beat it. I couldn’t do anything without Jisung. I didn’t know what to feel. Anger, rational, disappointment. Perhaps it was all those balled into one emotion I didn’t know the name of. I shook my head vigorously, running a hand through my hair and slamming both hands down on the table, wanting to swallow down my flood of emotions. I can’t be going through this. I had work to do. Jisung’s a waste of my time, and my energy. My feelings for him will not stop me from moving forward. I knew I shouldn’t have met him. He led me to this, to suffering even more on top of my large pile of other stresses I had to handle. He was once my ukiyo, but how he’s far from being one.
“I can’t fucking keep doing this!” Jisung screamed, pacing back and forth in his dorm. Luckily Renjun wasn’t here to hear his rant. He’d been stressed out about it for weeks. It’s almost been a few months. He couldn’t keep this up. He was this close to showing his anger if his friends were to ever hung out with him again. Jisung had one arm wrapped around his torso while the other rested and had his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. He was missing her. He wanted to see her. But he couldn’t. Not when his friends are around 24/7.
At the party later that night, Jisung had no mood for any of it. Not the drinking, not the games. He was at this stupid party just because his friends dragged him. Although he never said no to the offer. Jisung simply went with it to satisfy his friends. He was sick of the people around him reeking of alcohol, people bumping into him every which way, the loud music that could possibly bloa his eardrums. Just how many of these parties had he been to already? And he still couldn’t get used to this.
Jisung was standing by the drinks area, watching his friends on the couch and getting wasted. They’re finding their own way home somehow. Jisung knew they were capable, so there wasn’t any reason why he had to take care of them. He seemed to be so fixated on one spot that he didn’t even realise Jeno was standing beside him after he let out a, “You seem to be having fun.” Jisung came zinging back to reality. “Yeah.”
“I know you aren’t.” Jeno gulped down the red cup and placed it down on the table behind them. He leaned back casually, eyeing Jisung which intimidated Jisung just a little bit. “What’s been going on with you?” Jeno leaned his head forward and closer to Jisung, making sure his words could be heard over the loud music. “Nothing.” Jeno scoffed. “It can’t be nothing.”
Jisung turned his head to face Jeno, flashing him a look that read, “I really don’t care.” Jeno smacked his lips and folded his arms. “I’m the closest one to you. Even though they all treat you like you’re our own baby, I’m the one that knows you best. So spill. There’s no hiding from me.” Jisung groaned out loudly and grabbed Jeno’s wrist, pulling him to a room closed and isolated from this mess Jisung simply hated.
Jisung went in and slammed himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge while Jeno raised both his eyebrows in shock at the little man’a temper, closing the door behind him slowly as the music finally got drowned out. “So?” Jeno began, leaning against the door and placing one leg over the other. Jisung threaded his fingers through his hair, keeping his hand at the back of his head as he tilted upwards to find a way to say his feelings, as if the words were out there for him on the ceiling.
“I have this girl I like. We’ve been hanging out for a long while. But we stopped because one day I decided to be a prick and push her off when she saw me with the rest of us.” Jeno opened his mouth and clapped his hand once. “It’s that girl isn’t it?!” Jeno pointed at Jisung with surprise. Jisung wasn’t exactly sure if Jeno and Jisung were thinking of the same girl, but either way Jisung simply nodded.
“I don’t know why I did it in the first place. I guess I was embarrassed of you guys knowing her and you’ll keep bugging me about it all the time if you knew.” Jisung groaned out, the frustration expertly imbued into his tone though it took no effort to do so. Jeno narrowed his eyes on Jisung, a look that made him know that a long lecture was about to come for him. And he couldn’t escape.
As Jeno pushed his back off the door and walked forward, he said, “So what? You didn’t want us knowing you have a girl you like because you think we’ll invade your privacy? If you want to know, most of us guessed it already. You kept going out at such late hours almost all the time. Did you think Renjun wouldn’t have noticed?” Jeno tilted his head, making sure it was extremely obvious. “That’s why we were shocked when you did that to her.” Jeno added on. Jeno squinted his eyes and blinked them rapidly. “Then why don’t you just explain it to her?”
Jisung frowned, head slowly tilting down to cover his face. “Because I felt bad for doing it and thought she’d be mad at me and wouldn’t want to talk to me again.” Jisung sighed loudly for three days. “I didn’t-” Jisung inhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to face her because I didn’t want to feel the pain of having her get mad at me.” Jeno chuckled, the kind that was in disbelief. “Jisung! You don’t even know if she felt that way!” Jeno slammed a palm to his forehead. “Yes she’d be mad but you should be making the first move to apologise to her! She’s probably crying in bed wondering why you suddenly cut off all ties with her, you dummy!”
While Jeno was giving him an earful, Jisung fiddled with this thumbs, scarping at the hang nails and growing deep in thought. Jeno was right. Why didn’t he do anything to solve it? He simply backed off because he was too afraid to face her after what happened. He was caring for his own feelings more than hers. And now she’s definitely in a way worsr position than he was. “Fuck I’m dumb.” Jeno hummed in agreement, only making Jisung shoot a glare at him while letting out a ‘tsk’.
“Might be too late but talk to her. Right now she needs an explanation. No matter how long ago it was.” Jeno had his voice firm and advisory.
Jisung made his way to her dorm. He had a sinking, anxious feeling in his chest while he walked down the hallway and inched closer to her door.
I was at my table, still studying the life out of me. I knew I’d be walking out of this dorm brain drained and walking like a living corpse when I go for my lecture tomorrow. Just when I wanted to rest my head down, there was a knock on the door. I thought I misheard, but after a long moment the knocking came again. I quickly walked up to the door, swinging it open. Everything paused. My motion, my eyes. It was glued to the person in front of me, which was Jisung.
“Can I come-” “I have work to do.”
I tried to close the door, but Jisung stopped it with his foot. “Please. I owe you an explanation.” Jisung said, voice filled with softness and sincerity. I couldn’t bear to resist. I knew I never could if he came. I sucked in my lips, sighed quietly and opening the door. I walked in, sitting at my study table and turning my chair around. I watched Jisung close the door behind hIm, making his way to the bed, each step seemed to be weary and careful, watching out for himself with every move to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong.
Jisung and I locked eyes for a long time, silence circulating the air. I cocked my brow up in curiosity as to why he wasn’t saying anything. Jisung quickly noticed my change of expression and shook his head as if bringing himself back from a moment of deep thinking. “I’m sorry. For that day. I know I was rude. First I did that, then I completely ignored you.” Jisung bit his lower lip, now avoiding eye contact like he was too embarrassed to meet my eyes. “I did it because I was scared of what my friends thought of me having someone.” My quizzical expression became more prominent.
I sat there, not sure of what to think. Like I said, I never wanted to think badly of Jisung. But after hearing that, it seemed that my underlined feeling of anger became to surface itself after being forced to suppress itself for far too long. “So you did that to me then you ignored me. On top of that completely removing me out of your life like I was invisible. Then you didn’t bother to try and fix this sooner. All this because of what you’re friends would think of me? Of us?” I pointed to myself, my voice growing scarily louder with each sentence.
I smacked my lips and nodded. I didn’t need his verbal reply to know the answers to that. And it disappointed me. “I never thought I’d say this. But that was shallow. Very shallow of you.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Did you know how much I was going through when I couldn’t contact you? All those times I texted and called, you didn’t reply to any of them. And why? For your pride? While I was here balling my eyes out every night unable to do my work.”
I allowed a moment of silence to pass, though I could’ve continued without having to catch my breath. “You used to be my escape. Someone I came to when I needed to destress, be free. But now... you’re just the person that’s stopping me from my goal. Getting work done, it could be stressing yes. But if I’m unable to do work just because of my feeling for someone as low as you...” I shut my eyes closed, wanting to hold back my tears. My opened my eyes and forced them to blare at Jisung with firmness. “I don’t see why you should be in my life anymore.”
I stood up, taking slowly strides to the door. I held the doorknob, turning it and opening the door. I brought my free hand out, motioning to Jisung. “Don’t come back. I can’t bear to see you anymore without having these confusing feelings. It’s something I shouldn’t be spending my time worrying about.” I said sternly. I watched Jisung. He seemed far from stable. He seemed to be cracking at the seams, he was at the edge of tears. He didn’t bother to hide them, the tears seeming to be clouding his vision as it welled up in his eyes. He had his eyes glued to the floor the whole time. A long moment went by till he finally stood up and walked to the door.
Before Jisung left, he stood right in front of me. His eyes met mine, shivering with guilt and instant despair. It broke my heart to see him like this. But in situations like these, I had to choose. Either lose Jisung, or lose myself. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, almost inaudible. He blinked his eyes once and the tears streamed down his cheeks. I reached my hand out, slowly and shakil to place them on his shoulder. He looked down on it, simply letting it slide off when he went. He walked away, and I bit my bottom lip. That was the last moment I saw him.
Closing the door, I let my back lean against the door and slide down till I reached the floor. I thought I wouldn’t feel a single sense of sadness or regret. But at that moment, when I couldn’t even handle seeing Jisung’s back disappear as he walked down the hallway, the shell I had carefully built around my heart shattered, and no number of words of reassurance repeated to myself will piece it back together. I shook my head. If I kept my expectations low, I would stop feeling the throbbing. If I cut off all my emotions, I wouldn’t be so weak. And that was what I was determined to do.
Jisung felt every single word struck deep and low, like a bell toll that shook inside him. As the her hand fell off his shoulder, so,too, did the warmth. He began to shiver. Only cold and pain remained, sharp enough to numb everything else. All his adrenaline, gone, and with it, his sense of feeling. All his life, gone. The ground caved in, and he hit bottom.
Jisung walked away with a heavy heart. Everything he did for her. From the moment she unintentionally made that call to the last time they met, Jisung had it flashed in his mind like a movie tape. She was al the more right to be like this to him. He knew all too wel of the consequences. He had to bear this pain. It was the only right thing to do. He didn’t know how he’ll get over it. But even if he eventually does. he’ll never forget her. Not for a single second. Even if she would be shoved to the back of his mind, he’d dug up for it again. She meant so much to him. And how Jisung will be seeing her no longer.
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“Jaehyun stop I swear!” I giggled loudly as Jaehyun continued to tickle my sides. He carried me away from the cashier with his arms around my waist. I laughed out loudly and beg him constantly to put me down. He finally did when I gave him a hard smack in the arm and made him wince.
“You’re laugh is cute.” Jaehyun said with a light chuckle. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. “Yeah well you don’t have to keep tickling me for you to hear it.” I feigned exasperation, leaning forward against the counter to place my chin on the palm of my hand. “Really? Good to know but I’d still prefer to tickle you.” I shot Jaehyun a death glare and all he did was threw back a playful wink to which I responded with a ‘tsk’.
Jaehyun got close to ruffle my hair. And when he had his hand on my head, the bell above the door opened, signalling that someone entered. I swatted off Jaehyun’s hand, him laughing lowly at my defensive act as I pat down my apron. “Welcome to-” My voice stopped in its tracks. I was frozen. The moment I looked up, I instantly knew the person in front of me.
“Park Jisung.” I whispered, voice growing soft. I gulped, wanting to swallow away any feeling that might surface before I even continued. Our eyes locked. And Jisung... he was suddenly bringing in the sense of comfort through his gaze. I didn’t know how he did it. We’ve never met for almost two years. Yet here he was, suddenly showing up in front of my face, with not a single thing of him changed and giving me the exact same feeling I had back then.
“I’d like to talk. Over some black coffee?” Jisung offered, slowly pointing up to the menu, his eyes never leaving mine. I blinked my eyes rapidly and took this time to glance at Jaehyun, who seemed to he confused yet didn’t want to question or interrupt whatever was happening in front of me. “Why? You have no reason to.” I said simply with a nonchalant shrug. That was clearly a fake move.
“Just a chat. We used to be friends, didn’t we?” Jisung questioned back, pushing his shoulders back and allowing his chest to puff up ever so slightly with confidence. I didn’t know where he was going at, why he was here in the first place. Either way, I didn’t give him a reply, simply turning around to start making the coffee with Jaehyun giving me space.
I went to the table where Jisung was seated, placing the two cups of black coffee on the table. I took a seat at the opposite side. Tight silence circulated us. It made me want to choke due to how awkward it was. I was running my finger around the rim of the cup slowly. “Have you been well?” Jisung asked. “I’m doing great. Got into university and I’m working here part time.” I breathed out. “You?” I asked back. I was genuinely curious.
As much as I was able to get over Jisung, his unknown well being got me to he on edge whenever I thought of him. That could be said with my buried feelings for him as well. “Got admitted into an art school. I’m apparently capable enough to start my own dance crew.” Jisung breathed out a light chuckle and took a sip of coffee. “Look. What I’m here for is...”
Jisung closed his eyes for a moment before opening them back and have it darted to meet mine. “What I’m here for is that I want to start over.” I gave him an expressionless look, mainly because I didn’t know what emotion to show. It was all spiralled into something unrecognisable. A mix of lots of emotions. I had no reply for Jisung, which only gave him a signal to keep talking.
“Every day I’ve carried the burden of missing you. And each day it grew heavier and heavier. I knew it was the weight of my actions, their consequences. And I miss you too much. You meant so much to me, and you still do. I was trying to not break our friendship but I only made it worse. Trust me I regretted it everyday after that.” Jisung’s eyes softened and I grew weak under his gaze. It was gentle and light, it made me fall in a matter of seconds if I didn’t care to put in energy to have a guard up.
“And on top of that, it wasn’t just our friendship I missed. I missed it all. You. I didn’t get to say this, but I’ve liked you. And I always have. It was a feeling beyond the mutual one. It was something more and I came here afraid of how you’d think. I came anyway. Because I’d do anything to get to start over with you again.” I swallowed. It took me time to allow his words to sink in. I wasn’t able to form a reply right off the bat.
I did have feelings for Jisung as well. Though it wasn’t prominent at the start, it began to grew the more time we spent together, which was why it made the situation two years ago far more painful than it really was. Apparently Jisung felt that way as well.
“If I allow it, will you be my ukiyo again?” I whispered, looking down to my cup that I have yet to drink a singe drop of coffee from. Jisung leaned in closer and, his face now inches away from mine. My breath hitched in my throat. He still had this affect on me. The ability to have me frozen and stiff with his gaze and actions. It was something only he knew how to do, the only one who could do this to me. 
“Your ukiyo, your Peter Pan. Please...” Jisung leaned forward to rest his chin on top of my head, tilting his head down slowly to place a soft, loving kiss on the crown of my head. One that made me feel as if he was touching something so precious and fragile, the most important thing in the world. “Take me back.” I closed my eyes and took in one deep breath. 
“Take me back to the studio after my shift.” 
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Hello, darling! I hope you are doing well~ i wanted to participate in your new game!
My favorite fall emoji are these 🍁🍂! And halloween town is my favorite movie! I would've put Alice in wonderland by tim burton but idk if that counts as a fall movie even if i think it is fjdjd thank you again for the game!- M.R
Hiii Mahanoor!
Does that translate to massive light / radiant?
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Honestly I'm a little floored by your energy. I kept going off in tangents everytime I sat down to do your reading
And the funny things is
I got the King Of Pentacles for what you should romanticize about yourslef this season. What you have to celebrate is your ability to put your foot down, and say that I deserve the best. Your vibe attracts goodness, luxuries and splendor. You're comfortable in who you are, and all that you build. You're loved, vlessed with good business sense/ creativity should you choose to exercise it. I also feel like you give solid, reliable advice. Think Taurus like traits. I was also drawn to the bull figurehead, nod to your strength. Shiny horns. Polishing, preening yourself. Having the ability to move mountains should you choose to. You're not afraid of labour. Basically you can get stuff done when you want to call it quits with taking a break. What do bulls do when they're caught up with work? They rest like lords under the cool shade of a tree. Leisurely life.
Love. The garden. Shade. Sitting under a tree. Or in your happy place. Apples. Orchard visits. Fruit picking. Feeling whole. Knowing or seeking your purpose. Soulmates. Or people who feel liek they are part of you. Your relationships. Innocence. Trust. Beauty. Your mom / maternal figures. Write them a thank you note.
🐍What to accept?
The truth will ouch. Wisdom comes at a price. The cost of true knowledge is an awareness of suffering. Being aware means you see the ugliness that surrounds the beauty. The snake in the garden of Eden. Anxious thoughts. Embrace your worries. Some things will stress you out. It just means that you've found something you care about. If you didn't care about the outcome, you wouldn't worry. So use that nervous energy to make the best of any challenges that arrive . When asked to pick between fight or flight, choose to fight for your dreams. Pick your battles. Embrace mental agility. Intelligence. Skills. Dedication.
👋What to sweep out like it's popped bubble wrap
Juggling too many things at a time-sorry love but you're spilling the good crockery.
Keeping your ideas to yourself. - the millions in your head won't do you much good if you don't implement the business ideas. Duuh 😛💡create. And release.
Second guessing yourself.
will this work mentality. Idk if it will work. Try it out and tell me. Make notes.
Letting effort scare you🤐😬(eesh, major callout)
All of these cards came out in reverse so it feels like you should get out of your head a little and act on your ideas more 💚 use virgo season / fall to plan and start taking small steps to turn your imaginations into a shiny new reality 😍 start small, but start strong😎
🖤
We believe in you
💫
Love and hugs
Your spiritual team 💙
Cosigned - 🌍your glocal tarot reader
Jahn
Please reblog / leave feedback if you enjoyed this reading. And if you do actually make some positive changes based off these notes , I'd be so happy to feel included in your self dev victories 🎉📚
Here's to acing the daily grind 💯🥳💚
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cosmokyrin · 3 years
Text
Acquired Taste
Summary: During one of their dates, Ruby gets curious if Penny can eat. Turns out she does, but a little differently.
Ship: Ruby Rose / Penny Polendina
Rating: General
Length: 1,336 words
Notes: Simple exploration, just general fluff and dorkiness from Ruby and Penny. Also no beta coz we love dying like Summer.
Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28979826
(Full story also here)
***
That Saturday morning was probably a little sweeter for Ruby. During her days off she opted to roam around Atlas, or if she felt like it, Mantle. With all the rush of the battle, she’d never gotten much opportunity to explore the nooks and crannies of Haven. Now, as an officially licensed Huntress, she had plenty of chances to go anywhere in Atlas and looked forward to doing so. Being the Kingdom with the most advanced technology in Remnant, she was more than happy to discover something new everyday. Something, or someone, just like the android who walked with her that morning.
“Thank you for accompanying me, Ruby. I very much look forward to spending time with you!” Penny chirped as she almost bounced in place.
Ruby smiled as she finished mulling over which chocolate chip cookie variant she’d grab. “Me too, Penny.” Her heart skipped a beat from saying that. She thought back on how much more cheerful Penny had been during the week, or was that just her perception, being chipper herself? She turned by her heel, ready to approach the cashier. She offered a hand for the other girl to hold. Penny was absolutely delighted to do so.
For some reason, the weekends themselves weren’t as busy as Ruby originally thought. It was reasonable, though. People rested during the weekends, freer than they were from their weekday grind. Less stress, less Grimm. It also meant Penny had a lighter load for the day as the Protector of Mantle.
It was sunnier than usual, too, and with Penny’s arm hooked around hers as they walked around the vicinity of Mantle’s walls, Ruby mentally thanked whoever for what she thought was a perfect day. She found the perfect cookie flavor as well. It was, in Weiss’ words, blasphemously sweet, but just the kind she loved. Just enough saltiness that barely registered on her senses, finishing off with a mild bitter aftertaste. How she wished she could share it to Penny and know what taste she preferred. 
Then a thought flashed by and Ruby stopped halfway biting a cookie. She met bright green eyes staring at her as the question popped in her head. "Penny, can you eat?"
The redhead beamed. "Yes, Ruby! But not in the way as you do."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Like you, I use food as fuel for my systems. But I do not taste them the way you would."
"So you can't taste?”
“Not in the concept of sweet, sour, salty or bitter as you do.”
Ruby mentally gaped. “Does it mean you can eat anything?"
Penny tilted her head a bit and put a finger to her chin. "Theoretically, yes, because my system filters only the essential components of anything and discards the rest by pulverizing them and releasing them as minuscule particles that slowly evaporates through small pores in my skin. I take only what my systems require, or those that could provide heat and useful chemicals that help my chassis run.”
Ruby almost stumbled from the concept despite the fact that she was used enough to technical weaponry jargon. "Wait, you mean to say you do have a stomach?"
"A biofuel converter, if it can count as such. It is placed at the lower central part of my body," Penny replied, circling a hand over her stomach area. “While it can filter any possible kind of chemical, it’s designed to efficiently consume only what’s edible for the human body.”
Ruby's eyes visibly widened. "That's so cool."
Penny chuckled, shying a bit. She had to admit, her biofuel converter seemed to whir up a bit more whenever Ruby praised her in any way. Watching Ruby chew her food, curiosity nagged her thoughts. "Ruby, what is 'sweet' like?"
Ruby shifted her gaze down and held back something Yang would have said. Something along a pick-up line, but either way she murmured so low when she thought Penny wouldn't hear. "You."
"Me?"
Ruby dropped the cookie packet in surprise but caught it halfway, through her speed Semblance and Penny's reflexes. The short adrenaline rush had her tightly holding Penny's hand as the android firmly held the cookies. Did she casually forget the kind of superhuman hearing Penny had? Ruby's fingers twitched a bit, aching to pull away but also just wanted to stay there. Despite being in a relationship with Penny since a week ago, she still felt like the younger girl she was at Beacon around her girlfriend. In fact, she held Penny's hand for a couple of hours after her bumbling confession, but Penny didn't mind and simply took the time with her as if tomorrow would never come.
"Ruby, what do you mean by 'me'?"
Ruby's lips remained zipped, but feeling the warmth of Penny's hand right there, she took the cookie packet from her and laced their fingers together. "W-well, since you told me you can't taste things as I do... I couldn't really think of any other way to describe what it means."
"But why do you say it's me?"
"Because..." Ruby glanced at their intertwined hands. Blush peppered her cheeks as she squeezed them. "Whenever I'm with you, I feel… I feel giddy, happy, warm. I-I feel like, you know… You’re so kind, and thoughtful, and affectionate and... I mean that’s not necessarily how the taste is, I guess, but it’s the best feeling I could associate it with.”
Penny remained still for a few moments. With hands still wrapped together, Ruby brushed her thumb over hers. She patiently waited for her analysis to finish. Ruby was always fascinated watching how Penny processed things.
"I think I understand that one, Ruby," Penny said about a minute later. She pondered a bit more, repeatedly tapping her chin. Then she smiled wide. With eyes that conveyed the thrill and joy of discovery, she looked at Ruby.  "I feel the same about you."
Ruby couldn’t help but grin and get redder, almost covering her face with the cookie packet. “See, when you’re like that… being you… that’s really sweet.”
Penny leaned over and kissed Ruby’s cheek. “Like that?”
“Like that.”
Satisfied with the answers she got, she further explored her curiosity. “Ruby, may I take a bite of those cookies?”
“Of course.” Ruby offered one and Penny gingerly bit a portion. Chewing for a few seconds, her expression changed to a pout. 
"Ruby, I must say... the components of these are not very good for you. There's too much glucose that--"
"Hey, hey, hey, I'm an active girl! I need lots of energy."
"Well it's your day off today."
"My brain needs it! It's hard to think without sugar, you know. Besides, sweets provide me quick relief when I need it."
"I suppose so,” Penny said as she swallowed. “But most sweets don’t have the necessary nutrients your body needs. They only have plenty of glucose, and that’s not all your body requires. In fact, your breakfast today didn’t have any fruit or vegetables. You should consume something healthier..." Penny gave it thought. Then a slight twinkle dashed in her eyes. "If you need sweets to give you relief, then is being around me enough?"
Ruby blinked in surprise. She figured Penny’s adaptive learning was enough to sweep her off her feet every time. Slowly, a smile crept on her face. "Definitely." She tiptoed and kissed Penny’s lips. That simple act was enough to get her through the day. Ruby hoped Penny felt the same.
“If that’s the case, then will you promise to eat healthier food?”
Ruby groaned internally but also found Penny’s concern endearing. She just gained a personal health coach. “Sweets are still on my diet, though. You’ll have to take it from me by force.”
“Then I will make sure to be sweet enough that you won’t need it.”
Penny closely watched as Ruby laughed, filing them under her newly formed associations. That morning was filled with questions of taste, but with Ruby around her, Penny remembered sweetness the most.
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ikehorganics · 3 years
Text
HOW TO REDUCE BINGE
EATING OVEREATING,
AND BORED EATING:
disclaimer: i am aware that binge eating is an eating disorder, but not a lot of people have access to professionals to help them, and this guide could help a number of people struggling with binge eating, it could be successful to some binge eaters but not all. i hope this assists you, and this all comes from a place of good faith not malicious intent. i am also aware that binge eating does NOT equate to bored eating or overeating.
skip the preface if you want to skip straight to the tips!
PREFACE:
I have been in quarantine for nearly nine months, and I have struggled with multiple aspects of my everyday life that have had to be changed and adapted to the new rules of society. Since the beginning, I have always preached about staying in doors, social distancing, not going out to into open places without a mask etc because this is a direct reflection of the respect you have for yourself and the people around you. In this strong belief, I found myself struggling to juggle being a first year university student, my fitness, mental health, food and constantly being bored within my house.
Food was the hardest aspect, and with being surrounded by food 24/7, weight gain was inevitable. At first, I had not realised how I ate on a regular basis, I woke up at 6am, and would be at uni between 8am and 5pm from monday to thursday, where i would usually only eat one meal and a snack between that, whether it be left overs from dinner for lunch and an apple or piece of fruit for when i feel a bit peckish, and 2litres of water. My day consisted of four lectures ranging from 1 hour to two hours and walking around a lot because I hated sitting for a long time, and occasionally doing summaries or watching netflix between lectures. And when i got home, I had dinner and would go to bed. That was my routine and it was never truly surrounded by food constantly available at my every beck and call.
During quarantine, I was filled with procrastination and demotivation to attend lectures online or read my books. And all that extra time was filled with having an efficient workout routine and eating, but then that eating turned to eating quite frequently whether i was watching television, and mainly eating for the sakes of eating and in gross portion sizes because it was now available. Let's talk about how I broke out of that cycle of over eating and bored eating:
1. PLAN YOUR DAY PRODUCTIVELY.
I needed some direction in my life, I forced myself to plan every hour of my day so I can do something productive for myself. I planned the times from when I would wake up at 8am, to the time it took to fix my bed, brush my teeth, workout, stretch, eat my meals, nap, spend time outside, spend time on social media and more. Not only did my eating habits straighten out, but I got more done with my day.
2. SET EATING TIMES.
Setting eating times was the best thing I had ever done. Breakfast was always at 12 midday, lunch at 2 pm and dinner at 6pm, but these were my eating times, especially since i was intermittent fasting. These times helped me plan my day accordingly, between eating times I would usually fill my day with studying, and doing summaries, catching up with work I had missed. This helps especially if you have a restrictive diet or fast a lot! Restricting calories and fasting for extended periods of time only adds to the urge of falling into a binge cycle because your body feels the needs to refeed!
3. LISTEN TO YOUR CRAVINGS.
Listening to your body is so important. If you want to eat pizza for lunch, don't eat a salad, eat the pizza because it will be mor satiating than that salad or pasta that you might not want as much. Because that pizza might just pop into your mind late at night and you will have a little late night feast, this applies especially if you are counting calories. Having cravings are normal, and unless you are on a no bs diet that is extreme, you shouldn't deny yourself of something that you really want for something that won't leave your soul satiated.
4. DRINK WATER DURING MEALS.
I won't say much on this, but having water before, during and after your meal is so important. It aids in better digestion and adds to the feeling of being satiated when you are done eating, plus it's an easy way to get your water in. Replace that coca cola or soft drink with water, especially if you know you don't get enough glasses of water into your day.
5. LEMON WATER.
A cup of warm water and a wedge of lemon juice squeezed into it is super refreshing, sip on it throughout the morning before breakfast, to aid in digestion. Lemon water is a thing that is constantly brought up, and shut down for being "ineffective" but it works for me, and I believe that it is a phenomena of the mind. If you believe lemon water can help, it will definitely help you because you have manifested its impact on your health. Lemon water and warm water is one of those things that 'curb' hunger, and if you are one of those people who sometime wake up hungry but can't bring yourself to eat so early because it could make you nauseous, then water lemon water in a glass is the drink for you.
6. EAT WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING FOODS.
Calories are a touchy subject, and they add up very quickly very surprisingly. A bowl of oatmeal will have a lot of volume, leave you satiated and keep you full longer than toast and nutella. No one is saying do not eat the nutella, but adapt it into a meal that will leave you full and satisfied for example, if you want something sweet, heave oatmeal with a tablespoon of peanut butter or nutella inside of your oatmeal! Eat foods that will nourish you and give you enough energy to go about your day.
7. PORTION CONTROL AND PHYSICAL FULLNESS.
Portion sizes are all up to you as an individual and how satiated a portion size leaves you. Eat portion sizes that leave you satiated, but remember that being satiated does not equal to being so physically full that you feel uncomfortable as a result of eating too much. Being satiated is very difficult because sometimes you eat food that tastes amazing, and even though you are physically full, you feel like you could eat more and that becomes problematic because you've eaten past your bodies physical limit. Eating what you are craving ( number 3 ) comes into play with this aspect, as you have to be able to know when enough is enough. If you feel as if your portion sizes are huge and want to reduce them, then reduce it gradually whether it means you want to go from eating 4 slices of pizza to 2 slices of pizza, then begin with eating 3 and a half slices or eating one less scoop of pasta than you usually eat. If you have no idea how to stop eating past your physical limit, eat until you feel like you're just about to be physically full, do this for a week, and see how you will become satiated with the portions you are eating, gradually lessen the portion sizes overtime until you are happy with the amounts you are eating! This won't happen immediately, it is a gradual process.
8. DON'T EAT TOO FAST. CHEW YOUR FOOD.
A lot of the time, we do not realise how fast we eat and how we don't thoroughly chew our food. The food isn't running away, take your time to enjoy your meal and chew it instead of swallowing after a few times of grinding your teeth. Take in the flavour of your food and really enjoy it in the moment.
9. IT IS OKAY TO FALL INTO OLD HABITS, BUT BREAK IT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
Nothing in life happens in a linear manner, everything is gradual and has its ups, its downs, its regressions and just general moments we are not proud of. If you find yourself in a binge cycle or overeating cycle for a day or a week, it does not meal all progress is lost. It means you are human, you are not engineered to be perfect constantly. Have a mantra for yourself that you repeat to comfort yourself: “it is okay, tomorrow will be better.” or “it was just one day, i can go back to normally eating tomorrow.” or “I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it happens to everyone.”
10. INCORPORATE HEALTHY FOOD GROUPS INTO YOUR MEALS.
Make your meals satisfying and as colourful as possible! Don’t just eat pasta or pizza, eat it with something healthy like a side salad or a side of fruits or a side of healthy carbs like roasted potatoes! Never just eat one thing especially if it doesn’t have any greens or vegetables!! It doesn’t have to even be a salad or anything fancy! It can be cut up tomatoes, or cucumbers or apples!
11. HEALTHIER ALTERNATIVES MEAN YOU CAN EAT MORE FOR LESS.
Your oven, grill or airfryer is your bestfriend. Fried food is delicious, but you feel insecure at times after eating something that was cooked in heaping amounts of oil. Remember an airfryer is just a small oven, and can do wonders too. If you want a burger and you have time, home made burgers are always amazing and tastier than their fast food counterparts! Make your burger at home so you can control what goes into it, or make your fries in the oven so you can have a much more healthy alternative for less calories, and have more of it! I’m not saying make your burger buns something like lettuce buns, but making your burger at home can significantly reduce the calories in comparison to ONE mcdonalds burger, and you can have two for less calories than once burger if you make it at home.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Hopefully these tips can assist you day to day, and you take them into consideration and even test it out! These tips worked for me, and I know they won’t work for everyone but some of them might be helpful to you!
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Text
Feline A Little Clawstrophobic ||Nicole & Nadia
TIMING: Back in April  PARTIES: @nicsalazar & @humanmoodring SUMMARY: Two cat ladies walk into an elevator CONTENT: Drug manipulation (balam ingesting catnip)
Lack of focus was always a problem for Nicole, but it was safe to say things took a turn for the worst in the past weeks. She was hardly present anymore. To the point where she jumped on her truck and drove aimlessly for hours. Like sleepwalking but conscious, she mused. It was better to drive than to walk, though. Not only because she was forced to do light activity after breaking her ribs, but it was better for her if she put her mental energy into an easy task. Walking used to be how she processed things, and she wasn’t ready for it. She couldn’t think about that night without fear constricting her throat.
Wandering around the shopping center was manageable. It would take real bad luck to break her bones again. Nicole held onto a bag items she didn’t recall buying, and tired of just circling around the same places, she headed towards the elevator. She pushed the button for the first floor, but as the doors were closing, another person entered. The eye contact was minimum before she lowered her gaze, shoulders tensing at the presence. Her lips pressed into a thin line. The woman would be able to tell it was meant to be a smile, right? It didn’t matter, in a few seconds she would never see that stranger again.  
With the weather getting less shitty, and with her body healing more and more each day, Nadia was slowly but surely getting more comfortable with going out and doing things. And, seeing as she hadn’t done shit for her own birthday but it was well over a year since she’d found and rescued her cat, Rhiannon, Nadia decided she was going to do something nice for the little fucker. She was grateful to have the cat back in her apartment, even if she woke up with a giant mound of fur crushing her. It was a good reminder that she was still alive. She’d gone to the store and bought a few cat toys with her groceries, ended up snagging a thing of catnip before she was starting to feel fatigued and decided it was time to head out.
The woman in the elevator with Nadia felt like grief and fear and something numb, familiar and numb. Even if it was probably not as overwhelming as it could be, something that she was beginning to expect from many of the residents in White Crest, it was still a lot, and she felt herself tensing up in response. Still, she managed to give the woman a tired smile of her own and a murmured “thank you” before she shifted her weight a bit and waited for the elevator to take them down. Except there was a grinding noise, a jerk as the elevator came to a violent stop. Nadia grabbed at her side instinctively, even though she wasn’t at risk of stitches popping open this late in the game. “Shit,” she hissed, looking around, trying to figure out what was going on.
Nicole lifted her head when the elevator came to an unexpected stop. For a split second she expected the doors to open for another person, but the woman’s reaction made her realize what was happening. The elevator malfunctioned. They were trapped. “Uh—” she swallowed, slowly processing the situation. The feeling of being caged wasn’t exactly one she was fond of, and she fought to keep her rising anxiety in line.  She let out a nervous breath, eyes fixing on the emergency button. “It— it should be fine” she shrugged, leaving her bag on the floor. The less effort she made carrying extra weight the less oxygen she took out of the room, right? “Un— less...unless there’s a blackout or some— some shit like that” She pulled at the extra hair tie on her wrist, absently playing with it. What could be worse than being in a confined space with a stranger? Even her nightmares were nicer than that. “But... it’ll be fine” she met the woman’s gaze through the mirror on the wall, before pushing the button a few times. When she took a deep breath in, something tickled the back of her throat. Brow furrowed, she glanced at the woman again, trying to decipher her scent. Nothing was particularly strong, yet— she licked her lips, trying to concentrate on the smell.
This was cool, this was fine, Nadia thought as she felt her own nerves mingle with the stranger’s. She wasn’t a fan of tight spaces, she was learning, the way it reminded her of being able to look out her own eyes but not move as she lacked control of her own body. She dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands, the gesture grounding. She was real. It was a shitty situation, but she was real, and she was fine. She almost wished she could walk through the fucking wall like she was still a ghost. Almost. She never wanted to be like that again. “It’s totally fine. Someone’s gonna come, and, yeah, it’ll be fine.” The other woman just really kind of radiated a sense of anxiety that Nadia couldn’t quite get over. This was great. This was why she didn’t get out much. “Just my fucking luck,” she muttered. “Go to the store and get stuck in a damn elevator.” She leaned against the wall and slumped a bit, her bags hanging by her side. When she met the stranger’s eye, she tried to give a half-hearted smile. The other woman’s emotions had changed a bit as her brow furrowed, though Nadia couldn’t quite tell what it was. “Is the, uh, the help button working, or are we in a dead zone?”
Right. It was a good thing they were both staying level headed considering the situation, Nicole thought. Everything would suck so much more if one of them started panicking and sucked all the air in the small elevator. She looked down, hiding a smile at the woman’s words. It was nice to know she wasn’t the only one annoyed by the situation. Had she been better at conversations, she would’ve enjoyed spending the time complaining about shitty luck and poorly maintained machines with her. That was a thing adult women bonded over, right? “No… don’t think it’s working” very slowly, she lowered her hand, as if she still held a glimmer of hope that something would happen. She retreated back to the opposite wall, licking her lips again. What was in the air? It was familiar, yet she couldn’t place it yet. Some sort of plant. Nicole blinked once, twice, tongue poking between her teeth. Wide brown eyes stared intensely at the other woman. Searching, assessing. And then— She took a bite of air. Oh, no. Her heartbeat raced. In the back of her mind she was aware of what was happening, but she didn’t think she’d be able to stop it. Fuck. Still conscious, she tried to pass off the odd movement as a yawn. Good, quick thinking and — Oh, it was creeping on her so, so fast. Premium shit, it had to be. She didn’t think she’d care for long.  “I’m— I’m...do you—” poor woman, Nicole smiled lazily. “Have...cat?”
“Oh, good. Hey, I was worried this would be resolved quickly, right?” Nadia sighed, running a hand through her hair and hoping she wasn’t coming off as an ass. It was just, fuck, being stuck in an elevator wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined to spend the day, and at least she wasn’t alone, but she also wasn’t alone, which meant she had to deal with herself as well as someone else. Normally, she preferred that, preferred that she could focus on someone else instead of herself for just a bit, just a fucking bit, but maybe not while both of them were stressed over being stuck in a goddamn elevator. Nadia liked being able to focus on positive emotions, or even fun emotions like anger. Not anxiety. She had enough of that on her own. There was no need for anymore, thank you. She checked her phone. Yep, yeah, that seemed about right. No fucking service. She bit at the inside of her cheek before she felt a wave of just… mellow wash over her. She looked up at the other woman, the smile on her face and the look in her eyes, and Nadia raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’ve got a cat. She’s a total asshole. I actually came to the store to get her a few things and…” she trailed off. “Do you… like cats?”
Nicole inhaled deeply, enjoying the absence of stiffness on the side of her chest. She took in as much of the scent as her lungs allowed. The cast on her wrist was forgotten. The effect was much stronger now that her brain recognized the minty fragrance. She tilted her head back against the wall, transfixed by the emergency lights. “Fuck” she let out a breathy laugh. “I’m so so—” she wanted to apologize, knowing she would embarrass herself, but the words faded from her brain. Nice. “Mmm...I’m cats” She closed her eyes, a blissful smile plastered on her face. It was hot inside the elevator, Nicole registered. But for a few seconds there was nothing to worry about. No dreamscape, no cliff, no anger getting out of control. Just the fast beat of her heart to focus on. Not quite euphoric yet. She needed—  craved more. The scent just wasn’t enough. Her mouth was watering. Pupils were blown when she opened her eyes again. She got off the wall, taking a few clumsy steps towards the human. She offered a mischievous smile, nodding at the bag. “Hey... c’mon” she pleaded softly, before getting close enough to peek inside. Her prize. It was driving her wild. She gripped the human’s wrist, forcing her to lift the bag, before rubbing her face against it. Almost. Her patience ran out quickly, the human was so slow that she smacked the bag out of her hands, content spilling on the floor. She dropped to her knees, trying to rip the catnip bags open.
“What the fuck do you mean, you’re cats?” This was a little weird, even for Nadia, but she couldn’t deny that this chick’s emotions? They felt so much better than her own. Pure fucking contentment and happiness and relaxation. It’d been awhile since she’d felt that, and, sure, maybe it wasn’t full-throttle, but, god, it felt nice. It was weird as hell though. Nadia backed a bit into the wall, pushing herself against it. The woman grabbed Nadia’s wrist, the one that had been snapped sometime during or before the exorcism, and Nadia winced. “Hey, hey, no grabbing, let’s not-- let’s not grab, okay?” Nadia… knew this feeling, sort of. She recognized it from the few college parties she’d been dragged to, the way she’d felt it coming off of people from the crowd and filling her, making her want to go back for more. “Dude, are you-- are you fucking high right now? How? We’re in the-- you just spilled my shit, holy fuck.” She watched as the bag of catnip and toys spilled out on the elevator floor and the woman went down to the ground. “I just bought that. Fuck. Wait-- you’re cats. You… you want the catnip.” Okay, cats. Cat people? Cats. This was fine. This was totally normal. “I’m stuck in an elevator with a high cat lady. I wish I was a high cat lady,” she muttered, and she slid down the wall to sit, shooting the woman a tired look. But, hey, at least she was relaxing.
Nicole heard the sounds. Words, she knew. Vaguely. Not that it was ever her strength, but she couldn’t exactly form a coherent sentence at the moment. Her head bobbed without a clear direction, attempting to nod. A cat lady. Curious eyes observed the woman for a moment, waiting for some sort of reaction, any reaction to her trying to tear the bags opens. She was rude but not that rude. It confused her, tilting her head as the woman quietly slid down the wall, but it was the permission she wanted.
She crushed the catnip between her fingertips, nostrils flaring when more scent was released. All tension left her body. Nicole was weightless. She brought the catnip to her mouth, getting a taste of it. A hoarse grunt escaped her mouth. Shit. Shit. Her body tilted forward in slow motion, until she couldn't keep her balance and face planted on the ground. She rolled on her side, letting out a strangled laugh. Something out of the corner of her eye made her jump. She was ready to pounce when she realized— Oh right, the forgotten human. She could enjoy the catnip too, otherwise why did she buy it? Nicole wasn’t selfish. She pawed the air, until she got a hold of her sleeve and pulled her down to the floor. She laughed at that, before breaking down some catnip.  “Here…” she mumbled, her clumsy hand rubbed it in the woman’s face.
There was a woman getting high off of catnip, and Nadia was stuck in an elevator with her. That was what was happening. That was her life now. At least the woman seemed to be enjoying herself. Nadia could feel the relaxation and ease that was working its way through the woman, and it was nice to hear a laugh. Nadia managed a small one herself as she watched the woman struggle with movement. It was funny. It was enjoyable. It almost made being stuck in an elevator for the near future something that was almost tolerable.
Or, at least, Nadia could have believed that it was tolerable until she was pulled over and down to the floor with a groan. “Hey, no, no-- fuck.” She was on the floor with a woman that was high on catnip, and that woman was dragging her down and rubbing catnip in Nadia’s face. Sure, it smelled alright, but it wasn’t, like, weed or shit. “That was for my cat,” Nadia said, her tone dry as she plucked a piece of the catnip out of her hair. “But, hey, glad you’re enjoying it, you know?” It was hard to stay mad with the good vibes.
Nicole gave the woman a blank stare. She wanted to understand what she was saying, she really did. The words were floating above her, but they sounded like a foreign language as they reached her ears. She hummed in response, trying to keep a serious face. Whatever she was saying sounded important. Her cat, something about her cat. Her smile kept growing however, stretching until it hurt her cheeks. She buried her face in the bag again, taking as much as she could before discarding it somewhere on the floor. She allowed herself to close her eyes for a moment, eyelids heavy as warmth swept her body. The sensation was barely familiar. But it wasn’t new, just long forgotten. Like feeling loved or cared for. Being safe on her mother’s lap. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt anything similar.  
Jealousy filled her chest. The human had to be a great cat owner. How come no one was doing that for her? She turned her head to see the woman, watched her remove the catnip from her hair and while confusing, the message was understood. “Oooh” Nicole would’ve been embarrassed by what she was doing. So embarrassed that she would’ve considered moving out of town. But when the scent of catnip was impregnated in every corner of the elevator, shame was hard to register. A clumsy hand reached out to help, patting her head with no delicacy and tousling her hair in the process. Her human brain still pushed to communicate, thank the woman for bringing such a nice gift to her. Making her feel safe. But words kept failing. Instead, she settled by her side, gently pressing her forehead against the woman’s shoulder. Her breath slowing down.
The cat lady, who was a different kind of cat lady than Nadia’s type of cat lady, was well and truly high on catnip. Of all the things that she expected to happen when she came to the store, this just wasn’t it. Maybe, like, getting attacked by one of those fucking mime creatures. She could have seen that happening. Or maybe the sky raining fish. She’d been there, done that, even if she didn’t get the t-shirt. But this was… a little weird. Not the worst thing in the world, but a little weird. It was hard to be too mad, though, when the woman was smiling and felt genuinely content. It was weird as hell, but she wasn’t, like, malevolent. Nadia had been in worse situations.
“Shit, fuck, ow, yes, thank you, thank you, that’s very nice,” Nadia said as the woman swattered at her head. It was just like dealing with Rhiannon. If Rhiannon was a grown ass woman that was swatting at Nadia’s head. Really, it was practically the same thing. She reached up to fix her hair before giving up and resigning herself to it. Then, the woman leaned against her, calm and relaxed and, yeah, okay, maybe Nadia relaxed a little bit, too. Despite being locked in a fucking elevator, this really, really wasn’t the worst. “Maybe don’t, like, fall asleep. Just in case someone comes to get us out of here, soon.” But she was also a little tired. Just a bit. Not much. But Nadia was always tired. Always. But this was kind of relaxing.
Nicole could hardly remember what her life was before she was on the elevator floor cuddling with a stranger. Nothing extraordinary, surely. But she couldn’t care less. The back of her head was tingling pleasantly and that was all that mattered. She had a moment of utter relaxation and she was going to make the best of it. The human beside her wasn’t too bad either. She made a decent cushion compared to other human cushions, and some of the catnip scent had impregnated on her clothes, making her perfectly comfortable. She barely registered what the woman said, because it was time for a nap. And what was more important than that? So she hummed, letting silence fall on them as she enjoyed the best moment in her miserable 27 years of life. Nothing was going to ruin it.
The floor underneath them shook abruptly. The metallic sounds so jarring to her sensitive ears that her body jumped, suddenly on high alert. Nicole was on her feet faster than it was humanly possible, taking her surroundings in. Her brain was foggy, and though it felt like she should’ve been worried about the source of the sound, all she felt was confused. Not yet conscious, but the sensations gradually subsiding. She narrowed her eyes, staring at the woman on the floor with a puzzled expression. “Wha—?” she let out a big laugh, trying to understand why a woman would be lying on the elevator floor in a mess of bags and herbs.
Nadia was resigned to this. This was her life. She lived in this elevator now. She’d never get home. Her only hope was that Ms. Carmody would see about Rhiannon when it appeared that Nadia wasn’t going to go home. She’d never leave this elevator, and she’d die being essentially cuddled by a stranger that was high on catnip. Her saving grace was the second-hand relaxation that poured off the woman in waves, making Nadia not totally perturbed by her situation. Really, it could be worse. There were more tragic ways to go out. More terrifying ways. More nightmare inducing, memory tugging ways that she thought about all the time. This? This was fucking peaceful. Nadia could allow this, even if she’d miss her friends, her people. She was relaxed. She was chill. She was--
She was jolted away when the elevator started moving again, as well as when the woman moved. Nadia sat up, brushing the catnip out of her hair for real this time as she looked around them. The elevator door opened up, and she stood, grabbing her things. There was a guy that opened the door.
“You ladies alright?” he asked.
“Fine, totally, appreciate it,” Nadia said. She looked at the other woman who was still dazed. “We, uh, we should get off.” Nadia couldn’t tell what happened, but she’d gone from high to coming down relatively quickly, and that seemed to have left a lot of confusion in its wake. She didn’t even mind being laughed at. “Unless you wanna stick around the elevator, that is.”
The rumbling continued, and the elevator began to descend. Nicole felt as if she was being pulled in two drastically different directions. On one side, she tried to navigate the thick fog in her brain, recall important information, like who the fuck was the woman with her and why was she suddenly fond of her. On the other, she gripped the sidebar, her stomach filling with the primal urge to hunt down whatever monster was causing those awful sounds. It didn’t make any fucking sense. She gritted her teeth, but it wasn’t enough to contain the hiss she directed at the emergency lights. Her cheeks flushed, embarrassed. Great. Her awareness grew, but somehow so did the grogginess. Part of her was falling asleep while the other was waking up. And no one seemed to agree on who was going to take control yet.
When she looked down again ,her companion was sitting, brushing off whatever it was she had on her. Cat...nip, she read on the bags. Catnip. The wheels began turning faster. She breathed out, relieved to be able to read. The scent was still floating in the elevator, but it had no effect on her anymore.
The smile still playing on Nicole’s lips faltered, and as the door opened, everything clicked. Well, fuck. The woman’s voice came, and she saw part of her confusion reflected on her face. Nothing but babbling sounds came out as she tried to speak. God dammit, what did she do? And why did she still want to laugh? She nodded curtly at the suggestion, picking up her bags and following the woman. She clenched her jaw, wondering if she could spontaneously combust due to the humiliation. The doors closed behind them and there was silence. “Yeah, uh— sorry about...” she shook her head, pointing in the direction she was about to go. Making a mental note to never leave her house again. “Know what? we...we don’t have to,” they didn’t need to talk. Ever. Why bother? “We’re just not gonna...never” she continued to nod, gripping her bag with sweaty palms. Yeah, that was perfect. She turned around, too scared to wait for the woman to add anything. Eyes fixed on the ground, she bolted towards the nearest exit.
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iamsexytrash · 3 years
Text
Are you sure I’m not high? Pt 24
[Authors note: Ah, the things you can accomplish when you’ve had like…2 mega monsters and 3 iced coffees. Managed to get this drafted in like…2 hours? and that was mostly by memory too.]
Secondary authors note: Apparently this isn’t showing up in the tags, so if possible could you please reblog as well as like if you happen to come across this chapter?
In this chapter: An existential crisis, Luther is a jackass, and for once we take charge and lead the family.
TW: Description of blood, Cursing, Alcohol use
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Taglist: @80strashbag, @youcandalekmyballs, @stitchers-in-stitches, @residentdormouse, @gretaamyk, @weird-pale-blonde-person, @slytherin2319
                                          I heard a rumor Pt 2                                  The wrecked and the worried
After your…breakdown, Klaus had moved the two of you to his room, you were both just trying to enjoy whatever peace the two of you had left, before it got taken away.
“My minds speaking every day and i’m losing my shit over what it says all day finding brand new ways like i’m lying to myself and its got me feeling kinda cray Another sleepless night Another day where I think I’m giving up the fight Come forth the morning light Now my visions getting blurry Everything is slowly fading out of sight” You were singing quietly, laying on Klaus’ chest while he was fiddling with a ball of yarn. Looking down at you in confusion, Klaus brushes a strand of hair away from your face. “I don’t remember that song.” “Yeah, you wouldn’t.” You sigh. “It’s from my universe. It’s called, ‘the wrecked and the worried’, by Nathan Sharp. He’s kind of a big deal on YouTube.” “What’s YouTube?” You wince and look down. “My point exactly.” Klaus catches your chin with his fingers and tilts your head up to look at him. “Hey. Talk to me, what’s going on in that head of yours?” So, So much. And absolutely nothing at all. It’s like a black hole and a supernova are colliding inside your skull, but there’s no pain. It just cancels itself out and leaves you empty. And that’s what you feel right now. Empty. “I don’t…feel whole. Like, everything I ever was, was just a lie. And that doesn’t remove what I feel for you.” Moving to sit up, you look Klaus in the eyes hoping he could understand what you’re going through. “I still love you, that hasn’t, and will never, change. But everything else? My childhood, my life…my disownment? how much of that was real, and how much was your dads influence?” Sitting up, Klaus leans forward and softly kisses the top of your head. “Dammit dad.” He moves to cradle your head in his hands. “I don’t know. I don’t think we’ll ever know. And maybe we don’t need to.” He begins stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Finding answers like that will only make you second guess everything you’ve ever done and that kind of mentality isn’t healthy. Who you are right now? That’s all that matters. That’s all that will ever matter. Don’t let my dad ruin your beautiful mind. Because once he’s in, he’ll never get out.” Before you can respond Five knocks on the door and walks in, dressed in his usual schoolboy outfit. “Hey, both of you get up. We’re going.” “Where?” You ask. “To save the world.” Klaus scoffs. “Oh, is that all? Great.” As Klaus moves to put on a shirt (how did you not even notice that?) Five starts pacing around the room. “So, you said that Dad killed himself to get us all back together again, right?” “Yeah, so?” Klaus asks. “So, how’d that crazy bastard know to kill himself a week before the end of the world? Because I don’t believe for a second that he saw all of your show in your universe, and even then things can change. Time is fickle like that.” “Well I-” Five interrupts you with a “Don’t answer, that was purely rhetorical.” You snap your jaw shut and fix him with an unimpressed look. “Truth is,” He continues, “Our whole lives he’s been telling us we’d save the world from an impending apocalypse.” Klaus slips on a shoe and grunts a bit, while you grab your red leather jacket. “Well, yeah. But I always thought he said that to get us to do the dishes.” “Me too. But what if the old man really knew it was going to happen?” “I mean…he is old as balls and an alien. Every possibility he’s known from the get-go.” Your words are casual but when nobody says anything you turn and see Five and Klaus just staring at you. “What?” Five only shakes his head. He’ll question you on that one later. “The fact remains, his fakakta plan worked. We all came home, we’re here. We might as well save the world.” “What, like the four of us?” Four? You look at where Klaus is pointing and spot Ben leaning against the wall. Glad to know Klaus is including Ben more, at least. “Ben’s here?” Five asks. “He must have popped in a few seconds ago.” You respond. “And uh, ideally, no. But I’m working with what I’ve got right now, so…” And with that you slip on your shoes and let Five lead you all out the door. ——————————————————————————————————————- Walking down the halls, you’re struck by the sight of Diego running into his room, throwing off his jacket. “Where the hell have you been?” Five demands. “Patch’s house.” Diego shoots you a grin. “We might be starting over again after all. Long story, where’s Luther?” “Don’t know. We haven’t seen him since uh…” You glance at Klaus and Five. “…since breakfast.” You’re kind of hesitant to say “mental breakdown in the security room” which is in, fairness, what you had, but now isn’t the time for an overprotective Diego going ham on a dead man. You can try and explain what you found out about yourself to him later. Hopefully. “Yeah, he picks a great time to go and drop off the grid.” Klaus sighs. Diego clips on the last of his leather harness and his eyes widen. “Shit. We gotta go, Allison’s in danger.” You try and think about what that could mean. This is episode eight…which means… Oh FUCK. You and Klaus glance at each other with wide eyes. Allison is in way more danger than the others know. After searching for at least a few hours, you all eventually find Luther drinking at a bar. You look around in disgust. You wouldn’t come here even if you were drunk off your ass. “Look.” Klaus points out the big guy sitting and nursing a beer. “Trying a little hair of the dog there?” He teases. Groaning, Luther only let’s out a “Guys, leave me alone.” “You know, the point of the hangover is to tell your body to stop drinking, not pour more booze down your throat.” Luther only glares and flips you the bird. You raise your eyebrows in shock. When did he get so brave? “Guys, give us a minute.” Diego insists and the three of you move off to the side and let Diego and Luther have their moment. You start nervously biting your nails and Klaus has to grab your hand to keep you from bolting. Five gives you a weird look. “What’s going on with you?” He asks. “Allison isn’t just in danger. This is the night she gets her throat cut. And we aren’t quick, this could also be the night she loses her life.” “I thought she doesn’t die. Just loses her voice.” Klaus points out and you shrug. “Normally I’d agree. But, like Five said. Time is fickle. I’ve changed things, I don’t know what stays the same, and what’s different.” Five nods. “They’re right, and with him being a convicted felon with an obsession with you, who knows what might happen.” and then winces at what he said. Oops. Bad timing. “I’m sorry, a WHAT with me?!” Seriously, was there any other life changing discoveries you had yet to encounter?! Luther prevents Five from answering when he shouts “Well, you should have led with that! Jesus Christ!” and rips open the door. Klaus holds it open for you and Five and you pile into the car, with Five somehow driving and you and Klaus in the passenger seat, sitting in his lap. At this point, road safety laws don’t mean shit to any of you. ——————————————————————————————————————- Its quiet in the car and everyone is tense. Nobody more than you. Your shoulder is burning where you got shot but you don’t have the time to care about that. You have to conciously unclench your jaw to keep from grinding your teeth, and find yourself playing with one of Klaus’ hands idly, to keep you calm. He’s biting his nails with the other and you hear Luther lean over from the backseat. “Can you go any faster?” “Ask me again, and I’ll burn you with the cigarette lighter.” Five’s voice is monotone, but tinged with annoyance. He’s just as worried as everyone else, only he knows how to hide it better. “We’ll find her, Luther.” You try and reassure and Luther just glares at you from the backseat. “Coming from Dad’s pet project, you are the last person I want to hear reassurances from.” You wince and look back down, tears stinging your eyes. Klaus shoots Luther a glare and he just sighs and mutters out a “Sorry.” Diego looks between you all, confused. “What’s he talking about? Pet project?” “Long story.” You all reply. Mumbling under your breath, you add “about 30 years long, apparently.” The rest of the ride is silent after that. ——————————————————————————————————————- When you pull up to the cabin, there’s a tense nervousness in the air. It’s palpable, you can taste the negative energies surrounding you, and it’s making you uneasy. Gripping Klaus’ hand tighter, you see Luther bound ahead of everyone else and burst through the door. “Allison!” You run ahead and what you see is…gruesome. There’s blood all over the floor, on Allison, staining her clothes. Dark red like your jacket. It was matting her hair, and you can see her eyes dart around the room and land on Luther. You were so lucky you weren’t squeamish at the sight of blood otherwise you would have been sick. “Please look at me, Please…” Pushing everyone out of the way, you rush to try and stem the flow of blood seeping out of her neck. You fix them with a hard look. “Okay, I’m taking charge. Allison’s lost a lot of blood, but there’s still time. We need to get her to Grace. Someone help me pick her up.” They’re all still staring shocked at the sight. You roll your eyes. “NOW!” Klaus would later deny it, but at the time he could have sworn he saw your eyes flash electric blue for just a second. Luther jumps into action first and grabs Allison, with you right behind, still holding her neck. “Diego, take the wheel. You’re the only one we know who can drive like a maniac without breaking road laws. Luther, Klaus, keep her conscious. Talk to her, slap her, anything! I don’t care, just keep her awake!” You crawl into the backseat with Five in between you and Luther, Allison laying across both of your laps. “Five, help me keep pressure down, the harder the pressure, the less blood we lose.” Five immediately places his hands above yours and you pull away from the cabin, rushing back to the manor, and hopefully Grace could help fix this. Your hands were steady, voice smooth, but inside your thoughts jumbled to one single sentence. 'It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault…’
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kyber-kisses · 4 years
Text
I, Alone
Dean Winchester x Reader
Warnings: cursing, canon level gore, character death. . . angst.
Summary: when a simple hunt goes terribly wrong, y/n is the only person who can attempt to fix it. . .but at what cost?
A/n: had this idea rolling around for the past few days, if it gets enough likes I’ll write a six part story for it! Hope y’all enjoy and feedback is appreciated! I was also listening to Ashes by Claire Guerreso so if you really wanna vibe with this fic. . .
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Pacing back and forth across the old frayed carpet of the run down motel you gnawed almost mindlessly are your nails, eyes darting across the darkened room to the two motel beds. The silhouettes of two bodies making your stomach churn. Your tears had long since dried on your cheeks, your energy drained to almost nothing.
It was never supposed to go like this.
It was supposed to be a simple hunt. Three hunters against a couple spirits. No big deal. Ghosts where practically a milk run case at this point in your career. . . So why did it end the way that it had?
You had to think of something. Anything to fix what had happened.
You paused your pacing at the foot of the nearest bed, eyes falling over the now cold corpse of one Dean Winchester. Through the darkness you could still easily make out the massive tears in his shirt, now darkened with drying blood. A few feet away his brother lay in a similar position, chest still and unmoving.
You wanted to cry, scream, anything to release all the emotions bubbling up inside you, but you remained stoic, too tired to even attempt a lone shriek.
They were gone. The closest thing you ever had gotten to a family now lay lifeless and cold on faded cotton sheets. Hazel and green eyes now permanently shut to this earthly plane-
No. No- quickly shaking the thoughts from your head you ran a bloody hand through your hair, sinking to the balls of your feet between the two mattresses.
“Please forgive me.” You whispered, popping back up on your heels and reaching for the impalas keys.
You had one card left to play, and damn if you weren’t going to use it.
*. *. *. *. *. *.
Emotions were an annoying thing.
They always found a way of weaseling through the cracks in the walls you put up to keep yourself steady. They gnaw at your insides and make you lose control of what little you did have reined in. But right now you were trying harder than ever to force them back down your gullet.
This was for the best. . . Even if it meant giving up your days to make sure they had some left. 
The countryside lay dark and quiet as you walked across the ground, boots crunching against gravel while you shifted the small box in your arms. The air was thick with the scent of yarrow flowers, almost to the point in which you believed you could wrap yourself in it. Jaw clenched like a shock absorber for your emotions you knelt down to place the old shoe box in the ground.
It almost seemed too simple- at least for something of this scale. The contents of the box rattled as you set it down. Grave dirt, the bones of a black cat and a picture of yourself. The three small ingredients that would cook up your fate.
Quickly burying the box, you said the words before waiting patiently. A soft summer breeze blew across the crossroads making a shiver crawl up your spine. You weren’t scared though. You were just eager to put things back together.
If Dean were here he would be telling you that you were blinded by grief, that you weren’t thinking straight. . . But then again if he were here you wouldn’t be doing this in the first place.
Dean was gone. He was laying lifeless in a cheap and darkened motel room next to his baby brother. . . But he wouldn’t be that way for long- not if you could help it.
Growing impatient, you threw back your head “You really gonna make me wait here all night?!”
“Careful Sugar, you’ll wake the neighbors.”
At the sound of the new voice you dropped your shoulders, spinning around on your heel to meet the black eyed gaze of the crossroad demon before you. Long black hair cascaded down her shoulders, red lips twisted up in an amused smirk.
“You normally keep people waiting like that?” Shoving your hands into the pockets of your coat, you took steady strides across the empty road towards her, showing her that you weren’t afraid.
“Only ones with an attitude like yours.” Tilting her head she stepped forward, heels grinding against the loose gravel as she circled you. “Now tell me, what is Nancy Drew doing all the way out here? I doubt the Hardy boys would be pleased to hear you’re out in the dark with a demon. . .” She paused, eyes scanning over your face. “That is unless they’re d-“
“I need you to bring them back.” Your words coming out sharp as you glared back at her, jaw still clenched.
“Oh and why would I do that? If the Winchesters are really dead- then it’s best for my species if they stay that way. Doesn’t make much sense to bring our biggest threat back onto the playing field.”
Taking a deep breath you continued to try and keep you emotions under lock, but unable to hide the waver in your voice. “Please. They’re all that I have.”
You watched her expression shift momentarily, pausing her steps to think. After what felt like an excruciatingly long minute, the corners of her lips turned up in a smirk.
“Alright, fine. I’ll bring back your precious Winchesters. . . But you will not be around to see it.”
You wish you could say you were shaken by her words, but wasn’t that the whole reason why you came out here in the first place? To pawn away your life in exchange for the people you loved most in this world?
“Fine by me. My soul is yours for the taking.”
“Oh I don’t want your soul.” She cooed, moving to drag a single perfectly manicured nail along your jaw. “Seeing as I am bring back the Winchesters of all people, I thought I would make it a little interesting.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, that instead of marking your soul for hell, I’m going to strip all memories of you from their minds.” She explained, watching in amusement as your face fell. “They wont remember you and you will have to live the rest of your days knowing that.”
“Why?”
“Oh I think you should be able to piece that together for yourself. Yes I could always physically torture you in the pit- but mental torture is so much more fun.” She grinned. “That is the price if you want me to bring your beloved Dean Winchester back from the great beyond.”
Her last words successfully made you freeze, your entire body going rigid as your wall keeping your emotions back began to crack.
“Oh yes, I know about that too. It’s so easy to see in the way you look at him.” She cooed, clearly finding your pain amusing. “Miss Y/N Y/L/N. . . In love with the righteous man. Too bad he’ll never know.”
Push them back down Y/N, push your emotions back down. She’s trying to break you. Don’t let her.
“Deal.”
And with one quick step she had her lips against yours and your fate was set in stone.
“Oh, and best be gone before they wake up. You wouldn't want your deal to go bad so soon.”
*. *. *. *. *.
The air felt heavier from the moment you slid back out from behind the wheel of the impala. Maybe it was the fact that you knew it would be the last time you sat on the worn leather seats- or maybe it was just the utter weight of emotions still rising inside you.
Rolling the keys in your hand you slowly eased open the door to the motel room, stepping back into the poorly air conditioned space. You didn’t bother turning on the lights, the neon sign just beyond the moth eaten curtains illuminating the area just enough. All you had to do was grab your belongings and high tail it out of there before they woke up.
Quickly crossing the room, you placed the keys of the impala back on the nightstand where Dean had last left them before crossing over to the small table and haphazardly tossing all of your things into your duffel and shouldering it.
It was best if you moved quickly and didn’t dwell on your emotions. If you stopped you were sure to break. No second glances or momentary pauses. Eyes on the road ahead. Don’t look back.
Unfortunately you made it all of five steps to the door before that entire plan flew out the window. Your steps faltered and before you could stop yourself you were looking back over your shoulder at the occupied beds.
Even from your spot you could see that your deal was already taking affect. Their shirts were no longer in tatters and the blood was gone, almost as if it had never been there to begin with. In the dim light you could see the slow and steady rise of Deans chest telling you that he was alive. That’s he was okay. And that your work was now done.
Slowly sinking to sit on the side of the bed, you folded your hands, finding it difficult all of a sudden to look up. You had to say something- even if he couldn't hear you.
“Goodbyes are never easy, are they? And it isn’t easy to leave when it’s the only option available.” You words coming out in almost a whisper as you spoke. “I have so many things I want to say to you- but they fall short knowing that you won’t hear them.”
Another crack in your wall formed when you looked over at the relaxed facial expression on Dean, his eyelashes fluttering in his sleep. It was rare to see him this peaceful- this calm. But you drew comfort knowing you had helped make him that way.
The crack was enough to fill your eyes with tears. “And here I am having to say goodbye to the only person that I felt cared, the only person that I felt happy around.” You paused, finding the words stuck in your throat. “How am I supposed to just do that without feeling like I’ve lost a part of me?” Your voice finally cracking as you felt the first wave of hot tears run down your face. “All those times we would just laugh and talk and do normal things that normal people did- I had never been more happy.”
As much as you know it’s best for you, and him- and everyone you can’t ignore the inexplicable pain your carrying in your chest. Even though you want to hug him and stay by his side longer, you can’t. Waking up to a stranger would be a confusing feeling for him and a painful one for you.
“I never expected our lives to separate one day.  We’ve known each other since we were kids.” You continued, delicately lacing your hand through his now warm one. “But I’ll never forget the moments you laughed with me, cried with me, helped me. . . And vice versa. But you’ll still have Sam and Cas. . . And in the end you’ll be okay.”
Pushing yourself up from the bed, you let go of his hand, using the back of it to wipe away the tears. Before you could walk towards the door though you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, paying no attention the the stray tear splashing down onto his face.
“Just know that whatever comes next, I love you.” Your whisper barely audible to your own ears. The words were pointless though. He wouldn’t hear them or remember them.
And before you could realize it you had your duffel back on your shoulder and you were slipping out the door. Leaving everything you called home behind.
Crossing through the almost empty parking lot you set your sights on the future. The next course of action was to hot wire a car and get back to the bunker. You still had belongings there that you needed to pack up before the brothers returned home.
Walking across the street you could feel the rough cracks in the asphalt through the soles of your boots, each steps feeling as though you had lead strapped to your feet. It was only when you reached the alleyway close ahead that you stopped once more, the magnetic pull of your family tightening around your core as you looked back, just in time to see shadows pass by the now lit up room you had just exited.
And the remaining pieces of the wall you had tried so desperately to fortify crumbled, taking you with it. A choked sob left your throat and your hand flew out to steady yourself of the brick wall- but the support didn’t last long before you knees buckled and you slid down the wall, sobbing into your hands just beyond reach of the nearest street lamp. Tears of both relief and anguish soaked your cheeks and you didn’t try to stop them.
They were alive. But you weren’t so sure about yourself.
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hazzmedicine · 5 years
Text
his replacement pt. 3
a/n: Here is part 3!! It took me about 4 hours so I hope you enjoy! There will be a part 4  2.7K 
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2 days. Harry had no idea what to do in LA for the next 2 days until his flight to the Bahamas. By default, he was gonna spend them worrying. Thoughts ran through his mind of all the things Y/N and Shawn could do in a paradise. Perhaps she’d let him see her in the same intimate way Harry had seen her so many times before. Or maybe she’d decide he was much more of a gentleman and completely rid Harry from her life, although he knew he deserved it but it still hurt. 
But he couldn’t dwell on it too much. He spent two days reflecting on the events leading up to this moment. How this messy situation started and what drove her away. Including the argument that he didn’t think would make such a drastic change between them.
A few days before they were supposed to leave for their trip, Y/N had arrived at Harry’s house to hangout like she usually did. They were sitting on the couch, some music on for background noise. Harry was busy on his laptop - business emails awaiting him - and Y/N was scrolling through her social media apps to pass the time until she had his attention.
“Oh my god, Harry, look at this.” Y/N tilted her phone his direction so he could quickly glance at the picture of a friend of hers posing on the beach. It may not have been the same beach where they were heading to but it was still beautiful. Harry only responded with a lift of his eyebrows in an uninterested expression before going back to typing. “I can’t wait for our trip. Which reminds me, have you packed yet?” 
Y/N could tell he wasn’t listening, she’d learned he’s not very good at focusing on two different things at once. He confirms her thought when after a long pause, he says, “What’d ya say?”
With a slightly frustrated sigh, she repeats herself slowly. “Have you packed yet, ya know, for our trip?” He fully looks up from his device with furrowed brows.
“Uh, no. What trip?” At first, Y/N thought he must be joking. But when he stayed silent and the questioning look remained, she realized he truly forgot.
“Harry, you really forgot?! The trip I booked for us 2 weeks ago for the Bahamas.” The  more details she gave, the more he still didn’t recall any of these plans.
“Why would you plan a trip for us?” Y/N went on to explain the discussion they had those 2 weeks ago. She mentioned him going on a vacation a few weeks before he went on his world tour because she knew how restless touring got. And he told her what a great idea that would be but of course he didn’t want to go alone. And as she continued to elaborate on the details, she found herself getting more and more angry. Here they were a few days away from what was supposed to be a nice, relaxing vacation (that she lowkey hoped would develop their relationship) and he couldn’t remember a single thing about what they had talked about. 
He took note of frustration in her voice, and decided to add on to his list of mistakes that night. “Ok I didn’t mean to forget, but either way I’m not going.” That sentence is all it took for her jaw to drop. Meanwhile, he goes back to focusing on whatever emails his team has sent him.
“Wh-what do you mean you’re not going?! I plan something nice for you that you seemed so excited for last week and now all of a sudden you’re not going?!” The disbelief in her voice is clear
“Listen Y/N, I don’t have time to go on holiday, okay?” His patience has run thin and his tone has turned rude. “I have a world tour I need to prepare for. So as I just said. I’m. Not. Going. I don’t get why you care so much anyway.” His excuse ignites a flame inside her while his lack of compassion stings her heart. 
Grinding her teeth, she takes his laptop from him to get his full attention. Before he can even protest, she cuts him off. “I care because I’ve spent all this time planning and paying for a trip with you. But here you are canceling on me very last minute! And that’s frustrating, Harry, because this would’ve been our last chance to spend time together before you disappear for months on tour.” Y/N mentally pats herself on the back for staying composed as she tells him how she’s feeling. Now this would be the time when the Harry she knows would see the other side and apologize or try to come to a compromise. 
Too bad this wasn’t the Harry she knows. “God, Y/N, spending time with you isn’t my top priority right now. You’re not my fucking girlfriend so get off my back. I’ve got things to take care of here in LA, the beach isn’t going anywhere. So if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of something.” He grabs the laptop back from where she had put it before she could respond.
But she didn’t even know how to respond. She was hurt to say the least, but also mad as hell. Across from her was a total asshole who felt no guilt for degrading her after she had given so much of herself to him. How does one respond after being blindsided like so?
“Fuck you, Harry.” 
And Harry hasn’t seen her since. He hasn’t talked to her in any way since because she won’t respond to him. And now he has to wait impatiently to apologize in person in two days. These are about to be the longest days of his life.
--- 
Y/N and Shawn, however, know exactly how to pass the time on their trip. They visit the beach everyday, whether it is to swim or just for a nice morning walk. They fell into a routine of Y/N either cooking or ordering breakfast while Shawn meditates on the back deck. And then they choose something to do that day. 
Yesterday, they went swimming with pigs and snorkeling. And today, they headed onto a boat to explore the ocean and surrounding island. It was the evening activity that they were looking forward to the most. The beach bar. Luckily for them, the legal drinking age is 18 so Shawn could join in on the fun.
And that’s exactly what they did. After a fun boat trip, that she even got to do a little steering, they cleaned themselves up and went to a beach bar within walking distance. 
Shawn can’t figure out if it’s the lighting in this mostly outside bar or the two beers that he has already downed, but something has him noticing Y/N’s beauty more than usual. He’s always saw her as a gorgeous girl and sometimes her laugh made his knees weak, but at this moment she looked ethereal. The sun that she has endured has tanned her smooth skin, that is noticeable in her shorts and tube top, and lightened her hair in a way that makes it look perfect as it rests on her shoulder. 
But it’s the smile she’s wearing as she strikes up conversation with the older, local bartender that has him mentally swooning over her. He’s never had a chance to admire her for her kindness. His thoughts consumed by her are temporarily distracted as she pulls him back into their conversation and continues to hand him alcoholic beverages.
By the end of the night, the alcohol is having a strong effect on both of them, Shawn more than her. She wanted to be able to walk them to their temporary home when they were done. She says goodbye to the bartender, who she genuinely enjoyed talking to, and takes another drink out of Shawn’s hand. 
“Goodbye you two. You guys make a beautiful couple by the way.” The words of the bartender, although incorrect, make it impossible for her not to smile. She thanks him and collects Shawn from his seat.
The walk back was interesting. Y/N was sober enough to know how to get there but she definitely didn’t it walking in a straight line. And Shawn, oh that boy. He'd occasionally start yelling lyrics from infamous songs out into the quiet night. He would claim to get dizzy every once and awhile so he held onto Y/N to keep his balance. She didn’t mind his physical contact to say the least. 
When they arrived at the house, Y/N had dropped him off at his door and let him figure out what to do from there. She had gone to her own room - the one that faced the beach and the waves could be heard - and undressed into pajamas. She pondered if she had enough energy to remove her makeup and decided to just do it so that morning her wouldn’t be mad. 
Y/N hadn’t even been in bed for 5 minutes before there was a knock on her door. “Yes, Shawn?” she groaned. He opened the door enough to pop his head in, some curls dangling onto his face.
“Y/N, can I ask for a favor.” This piqued her interest because what could he possibly need this late and this drunk.
“Sure, what’s up?” 
“It’s just that,” he interrupted himself with a soft giggle, “I’m kinda, a little, tiny bit drunk.” His slurred words and his need to state the clear observation makes Y/N laugh at how adorable he is. “And well, I can’t sleep in my room because the waves are too loud and are giving me a headache.”
Shawn’s room was in the opposite direction from hers, which means it’s farther from the beach and the sound of the waves are much fainter. Y/N knew this even with the alcohol running in her system. But she didn’t say anything because she knew this was his attempt in sharing a bed with her, and she could use some harmless company. 
“Fine, get over. Don’t hog the covers though.” The edges of his lips perk up into a smile and he rushes in before she can change her mind. She takes in his appearance. Somehow he was able to undress himself in his state and now all he has on are his signature Calvin Klein  boxer briefs. 
Even under the influence, Shawn is still respectful and keeps a good amount of distance between them, not wanting to cross too many boundaries - at least not all in one night.There’s a moment of silence between them and she thinks he may be asleep from how deep his breathing has gotten. However, Shawn clears his throat to speak.
 “Y/N?”
“Shawn?”
“I agree with Lukas. We would be a beautiful couple.” 
Speechless. Y/N can’t find words. What kind of response was he looking for? Was that his way of admitting he had feelings for her? So many things she was thinking about. And luckily he had fallen asleep soon after, giving her the time to sort through her thoughts.
---
 All that sorting had put her to sleep and when she wakes up in the morning she had noticed her pillow had shifted from fluffy cotton to muscly flesh. Lifting her head to observe her position, she sees that her head was rested on Shawn’s chest, her arm draped over his stomach, and their legs intertwined. She has always been a cuddly person so she’s not surprised she migrated towards him in her sleep. 
She looks up to his face to see that he is still asleep, soft snores leaving his slightly parted lips. He looks so soft and peaceful. She continues to admire him until a weak headache begins pounding on the back of her head. Slowly removing herself from Shawn, which causes him to stir a little, she tiptoes to her bag to grab the advil she packed. She grabs some for herself and then leaves some on the bedside for him to take when he awakes. She leaves the room to get some water for the both of them and order some breakfast. 
She returns right as he starts to stir awake. She crawls back onto the bed and sits on her knees. “Morning, sunshine.” He groans in pain from the headache the alcohol has left him and from the brightness of the sun shining through the window. Wordlessly, she hands him the water and the pills to help with the hangover.
“How’d I end up here - I mean I’m not complaining, just wondering,” he asks after successfully swallowing his medication and gives her a sly smile. Y/N didn’t know if she should bring up the “beautiful couple” part from last night.
“You practically begged to cuddle with me last night and I was feeling generous.” He could tell right off the bat that she wasn’t being serious.
“Oh really? Are you sure you weren’t the one begging for me?” His teasing words cause a faint blush on her cheeks.
“I’m positive. You were the drunk one so it’s not like you can remember.” Oh, but if only she knew the parts he did remember. He remembered the way he clung onto her on the way home and how much he missed her presence when she had left him in his room. He even remembers his last words before falling asleep and waking up in the middle of the night to her nuzzling into his chest.
“Is that so? Then what else am I forgetting about last night?” Y/N is internally panicked. Bringing up his previous statement from the night before could lead to a conversation full of answers to her many questions. Or she could just embarrass herself because maybe he didn’t mean it.
She would never know unless she asked. “You may have mentioned something about us.”
He raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Us? What about us?” 
She bites her lower lip out of nervousness. “Oh, just something about being a beautiful couple, no biggie.” He lets out a soft chuckle at her faux chill attitude.
“And how did you feel about that?” She scooted closer to him. She stayed rested on the knees as the one side of her leg rested against the side of his leg. He was resting against the headboard and moved his hand to rest on her knee.
“Honestly, I haven’t decided yet but it’s definitely not the worst idea I’ve heard.” It may not be a clear yes, but the way she talked so shyly, her response has made him giddy and full of hope.
“Well then maybe I can help you make up your mind.” He moves his hand from her knee up to cup her cheek. She takes note of how sexy he looks with that devilish smirk on his lips. He slowly leans in until his face, or more specifically his lips were inches away. “Can I kiss you,” he asks softly. It looks like she got the answer to her many questions.
She doesn’t respond before closing the distance between them. Her hands automatically moved to the back of his neck. Butterflies swarmed her stomach when she felt his tongue lick her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She gladly accepted and, with his guidance, she moved to straddle his lap.
The sound of the doorbell is what breaks their heated kiss. Shawn raises his eyebrows in question as to who is at the door. “I ordered breakfast. I’ll be right back.” Y/N swings her leg up and over to get down from the bed. Just as she starts walking away, Shawn grabs her wrist lightly and turns her around. He pulls her in for a quick sweet peck to the lips and lets her leave to get their food.
His sweet gesture makes her giddy and smile like a lovesick idiot. How can she not when she was just kissing Shawn Mendes, hottie extraordinaire. She felt at peace for how things were turning out for her. She grabs her wallet off the counter to pay for the food. The impatient delivery man knocks again. 
“Relax,” she says as she answers the door, “I’m right he- Harry?”
Since when did Harry Styles become a delivery man?!
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crasherfly · 3 years
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What I’m Up To
Taking a brief pause from my fantasy screenplay to talk a bit about what I’m playing/reading/listening to these days.
VIDYA GAMES
Cities: Skylines- Still working on my shithole city in all its glory. San Cruz has expanded to over 100k residents and in the past week I’ve built a level 3 park, extensive monorail system, and even extensive helicopter pickup lines. It’s still a terrible place to live, but it’s also fun to grapple with the challenges of a desert map. 
Yakuza 0- I’m gonna post this take here, since we’re not on twitter and I’m safe from the mobs- Yakuza 0 is the experience everyone promised me Witcher 3 would be. Thrilling combat, a fascinating game world, and lovely, meaningful side quests. If this sounds like I’m digging at Witcher 3, I promise I’m not. I personally didn’t enjoy that game. But obviously, many, many people did and would disagree with my critiques. That’s totally fine! I’m just saying I’m enjoying Yakuza 0 for merits similar to what I’ve heard in connection with the Witcher franchise- and I could also see people having similar gripes, too! I’ve been on a well documented single player drought over the past couple months. Yakuza 0 finally broke me out of that, and it’s been a thrill. Getting out of the COD grind cycle has been a joy. This is a lovely experience that rewards curiosity by sparking yet more curiosity. I can’t wait to see how it continues to open up. Expect my Twitter account to go on about this for a while.
Mario 64- I have 8 stars! I’m told I have like, 113 more to go, a number which makes me groan.  So far, Mario 64 has felt like an obligation that is occasionally fun. It’s very dated, but it has the DNA that would go on to make later games like Odyssey an absolute joy.  Games like these feel more like an exercise in filling in my gamer history gaps than they do labors of love. Like most retro games, I have a hard time getting into Mario 64 for longer than 20 minutes at a time. So this will likely be a long-running project.
Star Wars: Squadrons- I probably should have known better, but I picked this game up ‘cuz the reviews were decent and the price felt right. Good news is that in the couple of hours I’ve spent with it, the gameplay is mostly solid and the graphics are beautifully rendered. It feels like both Rogue Squadron AND X-Wing, which is a hell of an accomplishment. Bad news is several of the missions appear to be badly broken, requiring numerous restarts. The game is generous with checkpoints, so it’s not a huge deal, but it is annoying. Hopefully they patch that stuff. I also haven’t tried multiplayer yet. None of my friends have bit on picking this up, so I’m not sure when or if it will happen. Assuming I can power through the hammy story, I’ll at least finish the campaign sometime down the line, even if I can’t be bothered to care how any of this fits into the larger world of Star Wars.
Warzone- Still doing that Season 6 thing! Subways have been mostly a disappointment for me so far, and the new marksman rifle has made the current meta a veritable hell for anyone with underdeveloped quick scoping skills, but I still get a couple matches in every day.
ANIME
God of High School- To say God of High School moves fast is an understatement. True to form, it sprinted its way through the finale. It’s got some lovely sequences, and I can’t wait to get my hands on the OST, but beyond a couple of choice battles, it didn’t leave a strong impression on me. I’m glad I saw it, but I’m not thirsting for a new season.
Dragon Ball- I switched over to the English dub of this show. I don’t usually do that, but I was struggling to keep my attention. I think in a way it helped? The English dub actors are far more cartoonish and silly, which really plays to the absurd animation and story turns. I’m on S1E13, and the first summoning of the dragon just happened. I won’t spoil except to say...this show has a deeply specific sense of humor, and I’m starting to dig it?
Fire Force- Season 2 is finally taking off for me. I’m on ep 14, and the focus has shifted over to the mysterious Joker. The battles have been compelling, as have been the mysteries placed by his storyline. I was struggling with feeling invested in S2 thus far, but the past few ep’s have reminded me of why I found this show special in the first place- when it gets serious and stays focused, it’s one of the tightest active shonen stories.
Manga
I’ve been on a bit of a manga break lately. Today I did take time with another chapter of Fruits Basket, which continues to be a lovely delight. I also recently received Master Edition copies of both Fairy Tail and Berserk. This week, my goal is to finish both Fruits Basket and my latest volumes of One Piece so I can dive into my new Master Editions.
Music
I haven’t had much change in my music tastes lately. I’ve been listening to a lot of Kompany and other dubstep artists, mostly ‘cuz I find the deep bass and variety of sounds soothing to me while I’m writing and zoning out during sessions of Cities: Skylines. I also enjoy its tempo while I’m running. Anything that helps the time pass, really.
Tabletop Games
I played 6 hours of DND this weekend. It was mostly a free-form improv session where I let the players do basically anything they wanted to within the gameworld we established during The Lost Mines of Phandelver. It was very heavy on roleplay, without a single instance of combat. While I was personally exhausted after the session, the players expressed that they had a very good time. We’ll be looking to finish up what they started in a bonus session for October!
Wrastlin!
My WWF Discord group just finished 1999 King of the Ring. Mr. Ass won! One of our folks actually got her bracket right. I had predicted Kane winning, so I was obviously out of luck on that. In the last RAW, Stone Cold Steve Austin just won the Heavy Weight Title from the Undertaker in an unlikely win! We’ll see how long that stint lasts...
Streams
I tried streaming from my personal Twitch using a schedule last week!
It...had mixed results.
My Warzone streams were my most popular, which is funny, ‘cuz I’m not that good at Warzone. My least popular were my Dungeon of the Endless and Yakuza 0 streams, which is not a big surprise. Those games aren’t that fun to watch.
I wanted to do the schedule as a an attempt to see if I could get a small audience or find some new meaning in games I was working through by presenting them as content.
I found the answer to both was more or less “not really”.
And that’s okay!
I also learned streaming, even just for an hour a night, is hard work. We should all be kinder to our content creators and in awe of the friends we have who do it even when on one is watching. Content creation is so unforgiving. Maybe if I stuck with it longer I’d have found my niche, but honestly, I just enjoy games for the games, and turning them into content just isn’t my speed. 
I’ve been doing the whole SpriteClub thing per usual. I’m a paid subscriber now! And I even am on a greeting basis with some folks. That’s been really cool. We had debuts this weekend too, where creators submit new fighters. The system matches them with other fighters to determine ratings. It’s a lot of fun, and the event always has this festival atmosphere to it. 
I’ve also been watching a lot of streams from the gals over at hololive-EN. Specifically, I’ve been watching Gawr Gura, Amelia Watson and Mori Calliope. It’s become nightly viewing in my household. I’ll save the debate on V-Tubers for a different place, suffice to say I have enjoyed the games they’ve presented and the personalities they’ve developed, and I think the success they’ve found is well earned. There are some talented folks behind these projects, and I find the streams to be relaxing, enjoyable, and at hours I can actually tune in for.
Personal News
Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty down. This can be easily correlated with the shift in temperature, for sure. I know a lot of people really dig fall, and I used to be a SPOOKY SEASON guy myself, but as I get older, fall has shifted into this period of mourning as I recognize the shortening days and the coming winter, which has always played hell with my body.
I’ve been struggling with a number of phantom symptoms that seem to pop up this time of year- bad digestion, terrible sleep (likely resulting from mild apnea), fatigue and heart palpitations. In turn, my mental health has been seriously flagging. 
At the suggestion of my therapist, I’ve started up a new vitamin regimen including a multivitamin and magnesium. I’ve also focused on finding potassium enriched foods and have cut back significantly on my drinking and caffeine. So far, this has actually resulted in me gaining weight ‘cuz I’ve been indulging in a lot of sugar as a coping mechanism, but I’m working through getting back to a healthy place where I can both track my intake but also be content with where I’m at. Right now I’m doing my best to try and fight the urge to become a Nap Guy. 
Last week I took several naps, even on my off days, and I’ve had a hard time sustaining my energy throughout the day, so I’m doing a better job of getting the sleep my body asks for while also structuring my day with more purpose so I’m left with less time just lying around wondering what to do.
Last week I broke my personal best for a 5K, breaking 24 minutes. For today’s run, I plan to try and break my 7:30 time on my mile run to the gym. 
For weights, I’ve gotten into a rhythm of 3 times a week, with Mondays and Fridays focusing on my core exercises- presses and curls, with Wednesdays focusing on pulls that are centered on working out my back, as well as bodyweight exercises such as dips and pull ups. This variation has given my limbs more time to heal up, which is welcome. Now if only I could be kinder to my body AFTER the gym, I might see some actual progress!
Work continues to be what it is. I’m at 30 hours now, which continues to be a huge positive. I don’t think I could keep at it with 40 hours. Change is a constant, and they seem to find new ways to make our jobs more convoluted every day. I have a quarterly review coming up with my new supervisor, but I have a feeling it won’t be nearly so traumatic as the last one, as I’ve done a good job of straightening up and flying right.
As I get more distance from August, I’m starting to recognize it- the events of my workplace disasters, my unplanned vacation, my off the rails spending and drinking- for what it was- it was a breakdown. And I’m still recovering from it. I was deeply unwell, and I took on some trauma- some of it wasn’t stuff I was looking for, some of it was stuff I brought on myself. I’m working through it. I wish I could say things like therapy have made a huge difference, but frankly, most of the work comes from stuff like this, where I’m just writing and being transparent with myself. That’s where I find the most healing work happens.
I still have a lot of my social media muted. When I need news, it typically filters through into my Discord, or Yahoo dings my phone or I see it on my Facebook feed. It’s fair to say that lately it’s felt like everything just Happens So Much.
I feel for my friends who are directly impacted- by the election, by the supreme court, by...just, everything. It all makes my own personal journey and endeavors feel...deeply small. At the same time, I just don’t have the emotional capacity required to house this perpetual crowd of events or constantly process everything in real time. I’m not sure when, if ever, I will have that again. I struggle to read ANYTHING- even friendly sites like Defector or The Discourse, without feeling an immense downswing.
I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I could just gut up and stay constantly plugged in for the sake of pals who might need to openly hash this out or draw attention to their causes or needs, but based on the past few months, I’m not sure I can take care of myself, let alone others. As I often tell close friends, my priorities these days are this small and in this order- Stay Healthy, Stay Kind, Stay Employed, Stay Productive- anything that goes right beyond that feels like a bonus in 2020.
At any rate, thanks for reading the update, y’all!
I’ll try and post these more regularly. I just wanted to check in with everyone and let y’all know how everything is going these days. Stuff like this helps me keep honest, as lately I’ve had a hard time sussing out what my direction is these days. Stay safe and well, and hit me up with what you’re up to, when you find a moment!
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raendown · 4 years
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Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 4390 Chapter: 17/? Summary: Not all wars are fought on the battlefield. Some are fought at the conference table, with whispers in the shadows, or even in the bedroom.
In a world where the Senju and Uchiha traditional lands were too far apart to have ever made them enemies, Butsuma and Tajima are the ones who come together and sign a treaty of peace. Madara isn’t happy to have his life signed away for him in a political marriage to strengthen the bond between their clans. He is even less happy to have Tobirama make assumptions of him from their very first night together. What follows from there is a journey of healing, of learning, and finding the places to belong in the places least expected.
Follow the link or read it under the cut!
KO-FI and commission info in the header!
Chapter 17
Of course, because nothing else had gone right for the entire duration of this stupid mission, they were still several miles out when Tobirama felt the approach of multiple chakra signatures he recognized as the ones that had ambushed them several days before. Even before he took the time to inform Izuna of what was happening he turned and bolted in a different direction. Neither of them were in any condition to put up a proper fight quite yet and if Izuna’s leg took any more damage Tobirama feared he might lose the limb entirely.
For a mile or two it seemed like they’d turned aside just in time to escape unwanted notice and after a quick explanation hissed over his shoulder Izuna agreed that they might actually make it out of this without any further trouble. They were both proven wrong almost as soon as they reached that rare agreement. As if to mock them for getting along in even that small respect the signatures Tobirama was mentally tracking took a sharp turn and began heading in their direction at high speed, clearly with a single purpose in mind.
“Hang on tight,” Tobirama murmured. As he had tried to impart on many of the younglings he’d taught over the years, there was no shame in retreat if it was the only option with any chance of keeping you alive.
Unfortunately his body was still too tired to reach the same levels of speed he was so infamous for. No matter how hard he pushed his legs the squad behind them was catching up and Tobirama wanted to grind his teeth with frustration when Izuna reported their pursuers were now in visual range, still several miles out from the city. With safety just barely out of reach he stopped and put his back to the biggest tree he could find to gently slide his mission partner to the ground. Fighting with Izuna still clinging to his shoulders could only lead to both of them getting killed; better to play the defensive role with a miniscule chance of success rather than basically throwing them both headfirst in to their own graves.
“Well look here,” the woman in front cooed mockingly as they all stopped a dozen feet away. “Two birds fluttering around in a cage. Time to die little birdies.”
“You aren’t half as intimidating as you think you are,” Tobirama informed her coolly.
“And you’re not half as dead as – shut up! Laugh it up, Senju, while you’ve got the chance!”
Tobirama narrowed his eyes as all four opponents facing him came forward in a close knit formation, quite stupid for anyone who knew of his abilities in battle. Flexing the fingers on both hands and already studying the patterns of their movements, watching for an opening to steal a weapon for his own, he tutted as though to reprimand a child for misspeaking.
“You should really research your targets a bit better. I am a married Uchiha now and you would do well to remember that,” he scolded them. The same woman scoffed as her associates stopped in a tight bunch just behind her.
“Why, what are you going to do, roast us with a little flame now that you’re an Uchiha?”
Since he was a professional shinobi Tobirama didn’t see any reason to give her the satisfaction of a warning but yes. That was absolutely what he had planned to do.
Digging deep in to the mostly empty well of his chakra he pulled at the scraps and edges of energy he couldn’t really spare but was prepared to use anyway and brought one hand up in front of his lips. The woman had no time to scream when he breathed a tongue of flame in her face. Her skin melted and the clearing was immediately filled with the scent of burning hair, increased by the two others behind her that also got caught in the blast. Tobirama staggered and nearly collapsed after expelling so much of what little chakra he had managed to recover but forced himself to stay standing. After all the effort he had gone to just to keep Izuna alive he was hardly going to fall over and let him die so easily now. Unfortunately his bit of fast thinking left him unable to reach for the only big defense they had left. The Raijin no Ken lay sealed neatly in his arm but without the chakra to wield it or even to activate the seal it was little more than a pretty tattoo mocking him in black ink. For now the only weapon he had was his own body, finely honed yet nearly empty of all energy.
With one opponent down and two frantically trying to put out the fires on their heads that left only one very angry man to come at Tobirama in an insultingly sloppy frontal assault, not a single thought for his weakened state or how easy it would be to take him out from afar. Not that Tobirama was all that upset at having a chance to defend himself with tired arms that felt like lead as he forced them to lift and block each blow with very little finesse.
It was more dumb luck than anything else that knocked the kunai out of his opponent’s hand, a poorly executed swing that he managed to intercept at just the right angle to hit a nerve ending and jar the man’s hand, sending the blade spinning down in to open space. Tobirama snatched it out of midair on sheer instinct and jamming it in to the side of the neck exposed to him was nothing more than a natural extension of such a movement. He was almost surprised when he found himself the one left standing but there wasn’t much time to contemplate his victory, not when the other two had finally gotten themselves sorted out and were both coming towards him with matching expressions of angered pain.
Holding his defensive stance had never been as crucial as it was in that moment, knowing that an ally lay behind him immobilized and unable to defend themselves. Tobirama forced his arms to lift and fall, redirecting the weapons seeking his already tired flesh, forced his legs to shift and sway as he utilized every obscure taijutsu trick in his arsenal just to stay alive. Out here in the middle of the forest so far from home he knew that no help was coming and he would either have to see them out of this situation himself or fall here and allow Izuna to follow after.
Clearly his only option was to pray for a miracle.
And, incredibly, a miracle is what he got – two of them, in fact. The first miracle came when one of the men attacking him lost their footing and gave him the perfect opening to jam his stolen kunai straight between the second and third ribs, losing his own weapon when it got stuck in a bone but catching the sword that dropped from a spasming hand. With the new blade he had a longer reach and managed to drive the single remaining opponent back while the one he had just stabbed fell to one side and bled out of the forest floor. Something that felt a great deal like hope began to swell in Tobirama’s chest as it looked like he might actually make it out of this alive.
His second miracle was more of a convenient tragedy than anything else but he was so tired already that it was hard for him to tell the difference anymore. Izuna’s warning shout was so much of a surprise that Tobirama stupidly reacted to that rather than the man rushing him from the front and yet in a stroke of luck he still managed to bring his sword up at such an angle that when his opponent ran him through he returned the favor leaving them chest to chest, each with a blade in their stomach.
They stood locked together and all Tobirama could concentrate on was the surge of adrenaline finally kicking his brain in to gear, the world around him standing out in crystal clarity. He was about to die. Already injured and at the end of his rope he didn’t exactly have much blood left to lose and now here he was with a sword in his gut and his weight rocking forward to balance himself on the man that had put it there. The plan he came up with was stupid and reckless and he knew that the moment he came up with it. He also knew that there wasn’t much time to think of other options.
When he pushed himself away from the man dying in front of him he fell close to where Izuna lay screeching and cursing him six kinds of a fool. Ignoring the vicious swearing in his ear, Tobirama did his best to ignore the searing pain as he lifted the pouch he’d just stolen from a stranger’s belt.
Every shinobi carried a medical kit of some kind on them even when they carried little else but weapons. Their lives were danger and blood. Anyone who couldn’t keep that blood inside wasn’t likely to make it back home. His own had been all used up and discarded already but here was a freshly stocked kit delivered oh so kindly right in to his hands and there was only one item inside he was interested in.
“I’m about to do something really stupid,” he choked out. Struggling to get himself in to a sitting position, Izuna gave him a wild-eyed look.
“You just did about fifteen other stupid things! What the hell! You don’t let people stab you, that’s battle lesson number one!”
Tobirama ignored him as he started in to really a good rant, tossing the kit aside once he had what he wanted and popping the cap off a small clear vial. His hands were already shaking enough to encourage several of the little pills inside to roll out on to his palm. Before Izuna could protest he had shoved them all in his mouth and crunched down.
“What the hell were those!?”
“Chakra pills.”
“You just–! With that many you’ll overdose!”
“Maybe.” Tobirama swallowed the powdery mess dry, wrinkling his nose against the bitter taste. “Shut up for two seconds and listen. This is what’s going to happen. I’m going to take us back to the capital city because it’s closer and I’m less likely to blow out most of my chakra pathways getting us there. You’re going to scream bloody murder and get us to a hospital. If I’m lucky maybe you can get me there fast enough that I don’t die.”
Izuna spluttered with rage while Tobirama closed his eyes, feeling the unnatural surge of energy boiling uncomfortably under his skin, bubbling like a pot about to overflow and filling him up until he could almost understand what a volcanic eruption felt like in the moments just before the explosion.
“You’re insane!” Izuna told him. “And what the hell do you mean you’re going to take us in to the city? We’re still miles away!”
“Let me introduce you to my new favorite jutsu,” Tobirama murmured.
Just before it felt like the excess chakra might burn him up he slapped a hand down on Izuna’s arm and reached for the seal he had placed on the contact they met with before this whole fiasco began. The world blurred around them for less than a second and when it solidified again they were in the center of the bright seething mass of chakra that had been calling to him like a beacon of safety since they crawled out from underneath that blasted tree. Clearly he had been right in identifying their poorly disguised contact as the Daimyo’s personal assistant; he would know those disgustingly over-embellished ceilings anywhere.
A wheeze escaped him before he could say anything but that was fine. Someone nearby was screaming and even through the high-pitched ringing in his ears it sounded enough like Izuna to assure him that things were all going according to his slapdash plan. The rushing massive intake and output of chakra left him feeling hollowed out as though someone had scraped at his insides with a jagged rusty spoon and he was all too grateful for the darkness creeping in at the corners of his vision.
Whether he lived or died now depended on how quickly others reacted to save him but that was out of his hands now as he had known it would be. Tobirama wasn’t sure if he closed his eyes or if his body was failing him. All he knew was the fading until all the world was silent for a blissful moment. And then he was gone, pulled under the tide.
-
A flash of sound, distant, distorted as though underwater. It called to him. Tobirama considered answering for a brief moment. Then it was gone and he slept again.
-
Light. The rosy backs of his own eyelids with sunlight pooled warm over his body. Someone was touching him. He wanted to tell them to stop but his limbs were just so heavy. It was easier to let the darkness rise and lose himself again.
-
“-bury you under a fucking mountain or something, I swear. I’d say throw your body in a river but you’d probably like that. Freak. With your water and your teleporting and your stupid self-sacrificing. Aniki is never going to let me live this down. You better wake the fuck up or I swear-”
Izuna’s voice continued to drone on but Tobirama had already lost his grip and gone back to sleep.
-
The world was quiet when he finally woke completely. The insides of his eyelids were dark enough he thought he might have come to in the middle of the night until he cracked them open with a great deal of effort to see that curtains had been drawn across the window beside his bed. By the luxurious décor he guessed himself to be in the palace still but that seemed less important than staring up in to the empty space above him and coming to terms with the fact that he was still alive. Against all odds he had survived.
Several parts of his body protested when he struggled his way upright but since it was less of a screaming muscle situation and more of a sulking grumble he ignored it easily enough, too curious and brimming with an unexpected amount of energy. The room around him looked like the usual sort of apartment important guests might be given by the daimyo, which probably meant that he had been tended to by a private doctor while he was unconscious. One corner of the room had an ornate dresser decorated in such a way that it nearly disappeared in to the wall designs. Several of the drawers were opened, clothing spilling out from each of them, and on top he recognized the shredded remains of his own shirt. He wondered why they had kept such rags.
Only a few minutes of blissful silence had passed before he picked up the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallways and set his sights on the door, waiting patiently until it opened to reveal Izuna with his eyes already in the middle of a disgusted roll.
“Pompous idiots,” he was muttering to himself.
“You are not a fan of the upper class, I take it.” Tobirama allowed himself a tiny smirk when his question made Izuna jump.
“Holy shit. About time you woke up! Fuck, you sure took your time. If you had slept another couple of days I was about to send a letter for your brother to come take a look at you himself since clearly these ‘high class’ physicians have no idea what they’re doing.”
Tobirama blinked and then shuddered. “I am infinitely grateful that you did not resort to that.”
“What, don’t want big brother to see you being a big weak baby?” Izuna asked in a mocking tone.
“On the contrary, I would rather no one else attend me if it’s necessary. But to call him all the way to the capital because you can’t wake me up? He would be inconsolable and by the time I woke up the entire city would have been drowned in tears. If possible I would rather not deal with that.”
He tried to get a better look at the shadows coming through the curtain to determine the time while Izuna mulled that over. Eventually his companion twisted his mouth in a wry expression and nodded slowly; he’d clearly had enough interactions with Hashirama by now to understand. Other than Mito there weren’t many people who had the patience to deal with so many wild emotions swinging back and forth at a moment’s notice.
“Don’t move,” he commanded. “I’ll go drag that useless physician back here so he can clear you to leave. And don’t you dare tell me you don’t feel like leaving because I am very prepared to drag you with me. It’s been days. I want to go home.”
“Exactly how long have I been unconscious?” Tobirama asked.
“Half a week. So sit down, shut up, and if you move I will beat you back in to a coma.”
“That sounds counterproductive.”
Izuna ignored him, spinning on one heel to exit the door he had just come through. His footsteps echoed just a little more loudly as he stomped down the hallway. In direct contradiction to what he’d been told, Tobirama swung his legs out from under the heavy blankets and stood up from the bed as soon as he was alone. If the doctors here were really that useless then he might as well evaluate himself before anyone else could bungle it. He had picked up enough things from Hashirama over the years that he knew the warning signs of underlying conditions someone with just a smidgeon more pride than him would have ignored.
Thankfully, however, the only thing underlying on his person were the clean undergarments he very much did not wish to know how he had gotten in to. Clearly someone had dressed him a little too intimately while he’d been unconscious. Definitely not something he would include in his tale when he recounted the events of the mission to his husband.
Even if Madara wasn’t going to touch him there he certainly wasn’t going to let anyone else do so. The Senju were raised to take their marriage vows quite seriously.
Careful movements and slow stretches gave him a good idea of how well his body had recovered and a quick internal scan told him that his chakra levels were back up to where they should be. None of the bones he had suspected of being broken seemed to be causing any pain, most of the bruises from their mission were fading gradually to yellow, and all of the places where he hadn’t had enough thread to sew himself up after he’d done the same for Izuna were all healing well despite that. Overall the only thing that wasn’t top notch was his belly but even that seemed to have gotten some sort of professional attention. Perhaps Izuna’s poor review of the physician had been a little exaggerated.
He had his chance to find out soon enough when the door opened once again to admit Izuna, who immediately looked pissy to see him out of bed, and a portly man in his middle years with well-oiled facial hair and clothing that had clearly been gifted to him. No medicinal professions Tobirama knew of paid enough for the finery this man was wearing. Yet his expression was kindly and his voice soft as he urged his patient back towards the bed for a proper examination.
The questions he asked felt endless but Tobirama could at least see the purpose behind each one, which was all that kept his patience in check until finally he was allowed to stand again and resettle his shirt to hide the bandages around his middle.
“I recommend light physical activities until the wound has completely healed. The stitches will need to be removed by a doctor in your own village but they must remain at least until the flesh is able to stay closed without them.” He smiled as he packed up the instruments he had used for his exam. “Remember to stay hydrated as well. Many people underestimate how important it is to drink water and eat properly during a time of healing. Give your body the tools and in return it will build you strong again.”
“My thanks, doctor. I will remember.”
“You are both free to go then, so long as your journey will not be strenuous. I know how you shinobi types enjoy hopping between the trees as you do but I would strongly recommend against it.” He tutted disapprovingly and Tobirama couldn’t help but smile.
With a respectful bow as low as he could manage with an injured stomach, he thanked the man again and then cast about the room with a questioning look as soon as he was alone with his mission partner. “I’m not walking home in pajamas. You look like you’ve got some nice new clothes and the daimyo is many things but he isn’t stingy. Where’s mine?”
Izuna grumbled but stomped over to one of the open dresser drawers and pulled out a small pile of fabric to throw in Tobirama’s face.
As Tobirama dressed he listened to Izuna recounting how the Daimyo reacted to the knowledge that his niece had indeed betrayed him, colluding with those who opposed him to plan a coup with the intent that she might take his place ruling over Hi no Kuni. Like a true politician he had allowed nothing to show on his face but, according to Izuna, there was no hiding the pain in his eyes. All things considered Tobirama couldn’t say he would do any better in the face of such heart breaking news as the betrayal of his own beloved kin.
Once he was dressed they attempted to present themselves to the Daimyo but were told that he was much too busy dealing with the consequences of the news they had survived to bring him and so they slipped quietly out of the palace without delay. Both of them chafed at the slower speed of walking as soon as they stepped foot outside the city borders. Izuna eyed a horse-drawn cart when it passed them by, a textile merchant on his way back from market, and although Tobirama could hear the longing sigh he said nothing. All the bumps in the road would probably hurt his belly more than leaping about through the trees would; if he didn’t want to tear out his stitches they were better off taking the slowest route.
“Kami this is going to take forever,” Izuna whined after they had walked for a half hour and covered less than half the distance they should have.
“If you complain the whole time it will certain feel that way,” Tobirama muttered under his breath.
“Can’t you just flash us home the same way you flashed us in to the city?”
Tobirama wrinkled his nose. “I’ve never had occasion to test my range with that jutsu and I’m not sure it would be the smartest idea to do so when I am already recovering from an injury.”
“You mean I might get rid of you faster? Damn. You should do it.”
“How very thoughtful of you to be so concerned for my wellbeing.” Now it was his own turn to sigh. “Unfortunately you’re just going to have to exercise your patience. Either that or you can go on ahead and explain to our fathers why you chose to abandon your assigned mission partner despite being well aware of his delicate health.”
Izuna gnashed his teeth together. “The only thing delicate about you is your sensibilities.”
“Ooh. Ouch. Someone get me some ice for that burn.”
“Hey fuck you!”
“I would rather you not.”
“Ew! Not with a ten foot pole! I hate you so much, Senju.”
Tobirama’s first instinct was to snap back that he was, in fact, an Uchiha now. Instead he turned his head to snicker at the trees lining both sides of the road they were walking on. He was more than aware that laughing would only rile Izuna up a little more but after everything he had gone through over the past few days he was pretty sure he’d earned the right to a bit of entertainment.
As predicted, it did feel like it took forever to make their way back to the village. In fact it took them two full days when they could have covered the same distance in less than twenty-four hours if they were travelling at full speed. The closer they got the more Izuna almost seemed to vibrate with energy until finally they were close enough for even someone without Tobirama’s sensing abilities to feel the roiling mass of chakra signatures that was Konohagakure. Just being close enough to feel their loved ones nearby, healthy and calm as the evening grew later, was enough to draw almost all the tension from their bodies.
Closing his eyes and trusting his feet to carry on along the path, Tobirama passed over Touka and Hashirama and Mito, took a moment to identify Kagami and several members of his birth clan who had carved out a soft spot in his heart, before turning his attention to the burning star that was Madara. In the middle of the Uchiha district where they had made their home his chakra smoldered with the specific banked ember feeling of someone sleepy and ready for bed.
Hopefully he hadn’t been too worried to have his brother and husband both coming back from their mission a week or more after they were expected to. Tobirama supposed he would find out soon enough. Whether Madara would be angry or snippy or even disappointed in them for making such a mess of things, Tobirama was still looking forward to seeing the man.
He had missed his husband.
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hail-langdvn · 5 years
Text
A Fluffy, Floaty Baby
Summary: michael is being a bad boy and y/n isn't having any of it
Warnings: young!michael, CEO!fem!reader, jealousy, spanking, mommy!kink, overstimulation, subspace
Word Count: 2.5k
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(Y/N) had bigger things to worry about than what was already on her mind. She had meetings galore and paperwork-- none, in which, too important, but regardless she should be focused.
After her first meeting concluded she made her way down to the fourth floor to attend her second meeting. That conference room was on the same floor as the cafeteria. As she stepped out of the elevator, she noticed a familiar blond boy leaning up against the wall while some level one tech broad was flirting with him. Michael smiled back at her, allowing her to touch him.
(Y/N) didn't have time to call him out, not that she would've in the first place. Yet, it made herself crawl out of her skin seeing someone touching on what's hers. She was a selfish bitch, how else did she get to where she was?
Throughout the meeting, (Y/N) clicked the heel of her stilettos down making an annoyed tapping noise. She even didn't know what this was all about and after all the commotion settled, she was going to make Michael read it and report it back to her.
“(Y/N)? How do you feel about all of this?” Gallant, also the COO of the company, called. What an ass, he saw me spaced out the whole time. She groaned mentally.
(Y/N) opened her mouth to speak, gathering up some bullshit words. “How much did you say this would cost?” She asked, turning the focus to the CFO, Madison. They explained it to her before coming back. “Well, then go for it. Madison should know our financial state, she'll plan it out and you guy report back to me in two week. If you'll excuse me.” (Y/N) propped herself out of her seat and exited the conference room heading up to the top floor where her office resided.
The elevator dinged, making Michael's head pop up. Anytime he saw her, it made his stomach do flips. But she gave that effect to any other guy who watched from afar, her beauty and confident radiated and it was hard to miss.
When she approached Michael's desk, her hand comes down hard on the wood. “In my office, now.” Her voice more monotonous than angry if anything. Michael gives her a confused look, but still popped up following her into her vast office, shutting the door behind him.
“Bend over.” She commanded, pointing at the empty space on her desk.
“I'm sorry?” Michael looked at her more confused than ever.
“Bend over.”
“Did I do some-” He stopped himself, not allowing her to get any angrier. He hated an angry mommy. Michael trudged his ways to the desk, bending over allowing her to slide his slacks down.
“Who was that in the cafeteria, touching you.” (Y/N) asked pacing a bit. It all clicked in his head.
“It was no one. She just was asking me what it's like to be your assistant.” Her ring cladded hands rubbed over his cheeks, making him shiver.
“Didn't look like nothing to me. Seemed like you liked it.” (Y/N) accused, getting ready to spank the bad boy bent over for her.
“I didn't, mommy.” He whined, gripping the edge of the desk. Just by that one word, (Y/N) was intoxicated.
“Regardless, mommy couldn't focus. I had a whole meeting, but all I could think about is her talking to my baby boy. You'd rather have her touch you, instead?”
“No, mama!” He instantly replies, not wanting her to even think of that. Michael adored (Y/N) so much, it bewildered him to think of any other woman touching him the way she did.
“You're going to count it out while mommy spanks you. Are we clear?” She asked, leaning toward his ear. He nodded feverishly. “Good.”
Instantaneously, Michael's body shudders as her hand lifts and quickly lands with such a sharp sound coming from the impact. He coherently mumbled a one. (Y/N) wasted no time going into the next one. Two. Before Michael knows it, she's on the fifth one. He was already aroused from the spanking, only his mama could ever make pain feel so good.
“Oh, bubby, nice and red for mommy.” She cooed, the coolness from her rings soothing the heat. Michael moaned at her sudden gentleness, but he was surprised; (Y/N) always did that, she would be angry one minute then lovey dovey the next. Not that he could ever complain, it mixed perfectly. “C'mere.” She says, ushering him to go onto her pristinely white leather couch in the center of her room. Michael pushed himself off the desk and followed her orders. He sat down hesitantly, his rear still aching from her spanking. (Y/N) caressed his face, moving his tousled hair out of his face. “Maybe I should send you back to work and deal with that hard cock yourself, bubby.” She planted multiple kisses along his strong jaw.
“No, mommy please.” He whimpered, gripping her forearm. She smirked, halting her sweet kisses, taking a look at his hard cock. She didn't spank him often, but if it caused that much arousal, why hadn't she done it sooner? “Please touch me, mommy.”
(Y/N) couldn't resist the sweet boy and his greedy whining. She loved how vocal he was for her. Her hand slid from his cheek to his inner thigh, spreading them apart a bit to make room for herself. (Y/N) had her own little plan and by the time she was done with him, he wouldn't be able to move.
(Y/N) knelt down on her knees. She spit on his cock, allowing her saliva to drip down. (Y/N) licked her hand, getting them wet enough. She then gripped his base, squeezing it to tighten her loose grip. Michael let's out a soft moan. (Y/N) pumped her hand up and down, not quite ready to use her mouth yet. Michael kept pushing his hips upward. She uses her free hand to shove his hips back down while the other picked up the pace. “You think that shitty tech that was flirting with you could make you feel this good?”
“N-no, mommy, fuck.” He moaned, trying to contain himself. The top floor had two more offices (for the the COO and CFO) all in which who had assistants of their own. Michael knew well if he were to get too loud (Y/N) would stop. So, would try to keep it at a minimum.
“Haven't even used my mouth yet, darling.” She teased, watching him spiral out of his own control. The walls were paper thin, but that didn't bother Gallant, he'd just tease her about tomorrow during lunch.
The shlicking noise from (Y/N) rapid hand movements throws Michael on edge. Her hand was already dripping from his immense amount of precum, she was just waiting for him to plead for her to let him cum. And it was just on cue. “Please, mama.”
“Please what, baby?” She dumbfounded tilted her head, despite her still jerking him away. He didn't know how to get a single word out.
“C-cum, mommy. I'm,” He lets out an ungodly moan, “Please, mama, can I cum?” His soul almost left his body from how long it took for her to respond. But when she said yes, he had no hesitation, cum shooting out on to her lip and over her hands. He watched her intently as she goes to lick everything up, in a matter of a minute, (Y/N) was clean and ready to follow through with her plan.
Without letting him know, she grabbed ahold of him tapping the head against her lips. He looked at her shocked that she was already going into the next thing. She only did that when she was awarding him for being a good boy, wasn't she just mad for that girl flirting with him? Michael couldn't put anymore thought into it, (Y/N) already had her mouth wrapped around the tip and was swirling her tongue around. “Oh, fuck mommy.” He groaned, grabbing her hair. She smirked knowing this round was going to be the easiest. (Y/N) glanced at her clock in the corner of the room, the one facing her. She wanted to see how fast she could make him cum. Once noting the time, she instantly takes all his length (and oh boy, was it a lot of length) bobbing her head while her hands fondled his balls. Michael was already a moaning mess and she barely started a minute ago. (Y/N) slides his cock out of her mouth catching her breath for a second before deep throating him again. All it took was four minutes to have his hot cum shoot down her throat. Not the fastest but good timing for her.
By then Michael wanted her more than anything, but he knew better than to ask. (Y/N) didn't plan on riding him, but it just happened. She was dripping wet from touching him, hell just looking at him could make her wet. She didn't want tease him because then she'd be teasing herself, but it was in her nature to. She straddled his hips, hiking her pencil skirt above her own hips, and sliding her panties to the side. His nails dig into her hips. (Y/N) could feel impatience.
“Please, mama. Don't tease me.” He groaned, wanting her more than ever before.
“Why shouldn't I, darling?” She asked, grinding her clit down on his cock while rocking forward and backward. “Didn't I just let you cum twice, spoiled boy?”
“Yes, but-”
“Tsk, tsk. I might just leave you here, should you decide to say anything else.” His mouth clamped shut while his eyes followed her every move. She stared for a few seconds before guiding the tip into her as she dropped down slowly. “Fuck.” She hissed, sliding his full length further into her. Her jaw dropped from the feeling of his thick, veiny shaft filling her up and giving the full sensation no one else before him could.
Because Michael had already offered up two orgasms, he didn't nearly last as long as he normally would any other day. (Y/N) found it amusing. Gripping her hips so tight, sinking his fingertips so deep it was sure to leave bruises. Right before he was about to cum, she slid out and grabbing his cock, finishing him off with her hands. The third one that day. Michael's head fell back weary from the three orgasm. He was done, it was clear. He didn't even have the energy to pull his pants on. He just wanted to sit on the couch, the leather now warm from sitting there for that long. However, (Y/N) wasn't done.
“You can give me one more.” She tells him, stroking his cock between her delicate fingers. He whined, grabbing her wrist instantly.
“Please, mommy, I really can't.” He sighed, this is what she wanted. Pleasure as a punishment.
“But you can, baby.” She urges. It wasn't the first time they did something like this. In fact, (Y/N) probably threw him into this state majority of the time. He didn't mind it later, but in the moment he felt like he couldn't cum anymore times. “You always make it to at least four.”
A low growl left his mouth as she spit on his cock, allowing it to drip down again. Once her hand started the up-and-down motion, he felt himself go somewhere. No, not physically, but he just wasn't present. Michael was floating and watched his lover with a pleasant smile on his face. (Y/N) noticed.
“Such a good baby boy.” Michael let out an adorable giggle, a sound he wouldn't make outside of this state. “You're Mommy's good boy, huh?”
“Of course.” The corners of his mouth curled upward and his eyes stared in awe. “Your good boy.” He mumbled.
“Exactly, bubby. My good boy.” She recited. It was dire to compliment and allow his ego to soar when he's floating, otherwise it wouldn't be so pretty. A cheerful, floating Michael was better than anything else. “You're going to cum for me, yeah?”
“Mhm,” he hummed in focus. His cheeks were pigmented in a rosy red and over he looked flustered, nevertheless, seemed to enjoy it all. Minute going by, the cum, more or less, seeped out due to his lack of energy. However, it was still a very powerful orgasm.
(Y/N) got up to get some tissues or napkins she kept in her desk to clean him up, but before she could even turn away, Michael snagged her wrist. Instead of the glorious smile that resided on his face moments before, a terrible frown played on his lips. “You're leaving me here by myself, mommy?”
She looked at him so pitifully. “Of course not, bubby, just going to get something to wipe you up. You're all sweaty, darling.” She tried to explain but the words didn't really get through to him. “Michael, I'm just going to be a second.”
His scowled at the sound of his name, sounding so wrong coming from his mommy. “Michael?”
“Here,” She ignored, easing his grip off her wrist and started to put his feet between the two whole of his boxers. “Up.” She commanded when it was time to push his hips upward to get them on. She followed through with the same motions for his black work slacks. (Y/N), then, fixed the little details such as his tousled hair and slightly wrinkled shirt.
“Can we cuddle now, mama?” He asked sweetly, pressing the side of his head into the couch cushions.
“Not here.” (Y/N) deadpanned, kissing his sweaty forehead. “You know not at work, bubby.”
“Why?” It seemed like the end of the world to him. All he wanted was to be held after all of that, why couldn't he get that?
“We aren't at home.” She explained from her desk, checking her phone seeing about ten texts from Gallant telling her to keep it down. His sighs became shakey, she could hear it. “Please, not here, baby.” Floaty Michael was a burden, but one she was willing to carry. Just not at work. Michael couldn't help it, his mentally was infiltrated with the thoughts further than what it really was.
Little sniffles were enough to get (Y/N) to pile all her work into her bag and decided to do everything at home. She knelt on the floor and caressed his cheek, wiping any little tears that left his eyes. “What's wrong, baby?”
“You're too busy for me, mama.”
“I could never be too busy for you.” She grinned, resting her head on his knee. “I was just packing up so we can go home. You can have one of my vanilla-cherry scented ones, the one that comes out red.” He smiled, floaty Michael was almost as sweet as regular Michael.
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