#i didnt even ask to be born

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

You’re my favorite blog with an amazing costume and stellar art, so I hope to bestow upon you the small pleasure of asking you:

Trick or treat?

Thank you very much! I'm incredibly honoured to be your favourite blog! I know this is late but please accept this treat, happy belated Halloween!

#asks #fanart #tintin #adventures of tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #comic #halloween #trick or treat #i have no time to check for mistakes in this i will just have to live with them #haddock knows what a child is #i cant really imagine tintin and haddock celebrating halloween normally because it just wasnt really a thing in europe until very recently? #like im 24 and it was introduced here a little before i was born #halloween as it exists today is pretty american #i know a lot of people who arent that old who didnt even think about it growing up lol #i love halloween tho #it's a holiday that's purely optional and you can celebrate however you want it with whoever you want #alcohol tw

[inheroes--wetrust]

hardest lines in the locked tomb go

#the locked tomb #deleted this by accident i am a fool #hopefully i can remember all of mine lol #life is too short and love is too long OBVIOUSLY #probably because you asked #THE SIMPLICITY OF IT #it gets me every time #harrowhark i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it #especially paired with i gave her my whole life from gtn #there had been another girl who grew up alongside harrow - but she died before harrow was born #SUCH a good sort of reveal #cytherea saying she became a lyctor because she didn't want to die #first for the reread potential #and second because its the worst thing shes ever done its haunted her for years and the motivation is so simple #she didnt want to die #so loveday did instead

[amygdalae]

told myself i was gonna keep on top of shit w classes but im only like 2 1/2 weeks in and ive already fucked up w a few assignments for one of em :/ ill just hafta be better in the future ig

#its been sooo fucking hard i hate being a student so much it makes me wonder what even is the point. but thats the devil talking #i still have no idea what i want to do with my life so i just sorta keep existing #at this point im just doing this cuz its better than being completely aimless lmao #like at least im trying to do something approximating building towards a future and it keeps parents and adults in my life off my back #i dunno. i didnt ask to be born

[finniestoncrane]

said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol

#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY #£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH #Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided #remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite #remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me? #remember that? remember my trauma? remember? #because I DO!!! #I was not born to have friends I don’t think #I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people #I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself #this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol #like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to? #try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore? #please it is not great advice Ruth #THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’ #and she asked where the proof was #and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard #so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium #and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on #and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff #but it was just not the time lmao #finnie shouts into the void

[jonny-b-meowborn]

It's so wild to me to think that most people are just able to have jobs. Like, even if they don't like it, they're fully able to look for jobs, do interviews, and then actually do the job for years. How is that possible. I want to throw up even thinking about having a job. I imagine myself going to an interview and just, puking. Passing out, crying, possibly just not going at all. I don't know if that's even possible for me, I don't think my body and mind could handle that. It scares me so much. I don't want to live with my mom all my life. But I don't see myself ever having a job. I genuinely, 100% believe it would kill me in one way or another

#im a dog i shouldnt be forced to do all of that shit #im so scared all the time #i need to figure out a way to make enough money to survive without doing the things that humans do #i dont even believe himans were supposed to live like this. i hate that you have to spend so much of your time working just to survive #i didn't ask to be born. i love being alive but i didnt ask for it. why do i have to pay for that now #you know #bee buzz

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[hiveswap]

Being an older sister in a dysfunctional family living separately from the parent who is raising the kid is like actually being subjected to all circles of hell whenever you think about family too hard

#i want to be a good sister but i have absoutely no time i dont know when they want me around either because they wont call #and i mean. the kid is half a year old already. fuck #i want to help!!! i want to go hang out!! i want the sort of family my peers have!! #its 12th year i need to study so much and they dont live in the same city as i do. #i have to take the bus back home and then keep going from there to another city if i want to visit #last time my father spoke to me it was a text on my birthday asking if im home. when i said no he didnt even respond #last 2 times i visited them it was me initiating despite him promising he'd also call more #i dont feel like he actually wants me around. thats fucking stupid but like the guy has a baby now why would he need a grown ass adult kid #before she was born i wouldnt have give a fuck honestly cause he sucks. but combined with the fact that again i wanna be involved. #and im worried about his parenting bc he 'parented' me so hard im an avid tumblr user now #im certainly in a mental state today bc ive been thinking about this since i heard a baby make cute baby noises on the bus today.... :(

[authoralexharvey]

It's my mother's birthday and all I can think of is all the ways she traumatized me growing up.

#There Was the Year She said I ruined her BDay Because I Came out as Bi #There's The One Time I tried to Tell Her I was NB and She Scoffed at Me #There's the Time She Threatened to Report me to the Police and Make Sure I Could Never Have Animals Again #Because Our Ferret's Water Bottle was Broken and I Didnt Know Until She Screamed at Me #When I was 12 She Said I Ruined Her Life by Being Born #When I Cut Myself and She Found Out She Made me Sit with Her and Plan What to do WHEN not IF she Found My Body #When I Tried to Kill Myself She Made it All About Her #I Did Choir for One Year and Stopped Because She Never Came to Concerts and Acted Like it was the Biggest Chore to Even Come Get Me #The Time She Accused me of Lying to my Fiance About Being Abused Because He Told Her I Have Panic Attacks When She Yells #All the Times I had to Be her Personal Therapist For Her Love Life #She Likes to Make Me Do Karaoke to Show Me Off #She Refused to Help Me Get a License #When I Told Her I Wanted to Live with Dad She Said My Bros Would Come With and theyd Never See Her Again #She Constantly Badmouthed Him Wherever She Could #Made Me Mad At Him Because He Wouldnt Be at My Birthday Parties (because Military) and Try to Make it Seem #Like He Wasnt There on Purpose #Would Refuse to Help Me with School and then Berated me for Failing #When I DID Ask for Help She Would Do it All then Yell at Me for Making Her Do it #Constantly Compared me to My Older Siblings Who I Didnt Even Know Yet and Made me Resent Them #I Took Care of My Brothers Growing Up. Not Her. But she Acts Like that Never Happened #A Bunch of Other Shit I Cant Even List #I Was Her Doll. Her Mini-Her. And Because of That my Bros Got it a Lot Worse #Anyway I have to See Her Today and I want to KMS #alex has the floor #tw: suicide #tw: abuse

[fujianvenator]

someone fucking killll meeeeee im opening a bank account and its asking 4 my place of birth BUT IT WONT LET ME SELECT COUNTRY OF BIRTH IT ONLY LETS ME SELECT PROVINCES IN THE PHILIPPINES BUT I WASNT FUCKING BORN HERE

#vic.txt #STUPID FUCKUNG APP AAUGGHHHHHHH #i cant even ask my mom what she did 2 navigate this (she was also born overseas) COZ SJE DOESNF FUCKING REMEMBER #ive been reduced 2 dming the bank on fucking TWITTER #I HATE THE PHILIPPINES ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #if u saw me bitch abt this in private only 2 post abt it on tumblr no u didnt

[caffeinatedopossum]

I just accidentally brought back a bunch of memories of stuff my mom used to say to me :')

#she said she wished id never been born. like girl that was on you not me #along with 'i could just get rid of you' as a threat multiple times #i thought she meant sending me to foster care but now... im not entirely sure she didnt mean unaliving me #she also used to threaten to cut off my thumb #i would say it was an empty threat but shed pull out the knives or scissors sooo maybe not #she would frequently ask what was wrong with me #call me ungrateful or a brat #remind me of all the things that she did for me and how much worse it could be #its hard to remember the stuff she said #idk it probably doesn't sound that bad but it seriously messed me up #she used to scream at me until i cried #shed call me a liar or satanic because i self harmed #god and im still not sure what rumors she spread about it but she definitely told people something #i would say she said something untrue but honestly idk. it could have been something i did actually do but phrased badly idk #i never got to find out #once the first person confronted me about it i had a mental breakdown because i didnt know what was going on and no one would explain #but clearly it was something bad because of how confrontational they were being #actually that wasnt even the first person kind to think of it #god im like shakinv just recalling it #she also called me selfish a lot #oh yeah she said she didnt care if i starved to death one time #which i mean. she clearly didnt care if i died but whatever #neither did I really #i want to remember everything but i can't :(

[tunderilona]

also at the party i asked him how old he was, he said 27 and i was like ok. then like 10 mins later i asked if he was born in 1996 or 95 and he found it SO hilarious for some reason. he was like 'were you seriously thinking about this for the past 10 minutes? 😂' well as a matter of fact, yes i was.

#anyway he was born in 1996. but idk when his birthday is i didnt dare to ask lest he find that even MORE hilarious

[navramanan]

I wish i could stop feeling pathetic and made to feel pathetic by the people around me it kills me

#i really really feel like i lucked out on friendships like a curse was put onto me the moment i was born #i have this one friend from uni it was december i last saw her & she told me she'd finish her degree this year & move back to her hometown #and she knew that would make me sad and said we should see each other more before i do #some months passed it was like may i think i asked her to hang out she was out of town #she didnt get back to me so a week later i asked again. she said she didnt have time. i didnt ask again. neither did she get back to me #she ignores messages doesnt react to memes i send didnt even react at all when i congratulated her on finishing her thesis #and it all makes me feel so pathetic and desperate bc i just dont get it vallahi i dont #i dont know what i did to attract such people as someone who really really hates messages being ignored n never replied to #i feel so so stupid worthless forgotten replaceable and i've been feeling this way all my life i keep trying and always fail #and it breaks my heart so so bad to watch people leave my life this way #nesi rants

[todayisafridaynight]

detail i appreciate about the dds files for some face textures is that they leave a note on what age they are. like No Shit obviously the models are going to be different and ergo deserve a different name so attaching an age indicator is good but still its a neat way to verify ages ig

#snap chats #ALLEGEDLY. im assuming. #like there's sawashiro models that have 15 > 21 > 39 #meanwhile masato has 5 > 16 > 23 and arakawa has 14 > 25 #whats interesting is that arakawa's 90's-2000 model doesnt have an age attached to it. dont ask a woman her age ig idk #the face models for aoki and 2019 jo dont seem to have age indicators either but. makes sense ig #if im to assume This Is True.. then it didnt dawn on me arakawa was 14 when his pops died girl omg-- #ALSO IM SO CERTAIN THESE ARE AGE INDICATORS masato would have been 23 in 2000 december #anyway... idk what to do with this info... #cant really say knowing jo's 21 doesnt do much for birthday estimates since. masato was born literally at the end of the year ☠️ #but hey....... the more ik ig idk #for some reason ive been telling myself masato was 7 when jo met up with him ???? even tho jo says its been five years ??/ mental. #ok bye i wanna try to draw something before i start classes tomorrow..

[uncharted-constellations]

Also I dont know why but in my head the dcau/btas version of bruce is fucking huge. 6’5 at minimum, meanwhile canon bruce cannot exceed 6’3 in any capacity, including boots. He’s tall sure but not Huge like btas bruce.

Like there’s a reason old man bruce is still intimidating as hell and it’s not just the cane and Ace. At the same time there’s probably a good dozen or so videos from back in the day of Brucie Wayne smacking his forehead on the frame of a car door while getting in and out of a lambo and on low door frame’s in the manor. He did it exactly once walking through a crime scene by accident in the early days as Batman and Jim remembered it forever, even if he never brought it up.

Old man bruce is still taller than canon bruce even with a cane. Terry complains about being tiny even though he’s average height, and noone from the canon batfam understands why until they finally meet old man bruce. Its another check on the “Terry is NOT Bruce’s Bio-Son” list that they’ve been working on.

#i dont care how tall this would make the other dcau og heroes #they can all be massive for all i care #my favorite thing in batman beyond is when terry goes from looking average #or even tall #to fucking tiny just by moving into the same frame as a giant adult #he’s supposedly 5’10 #that isnt even short #but yeah ive mentioned before that i personally dont care for the epilogue reveal but #at the same time terry and matt have to look confusingly similar to bruce for my own amusement #terry doesnt mind being refered to as bruce’s kid but he just assumes its because canon bruce is an adoption fiend #i think backstory wise for the divorce it makes sense if mary cheated on warren with Someone #but it doesnt add anything to terrys story to have the bruce dna swap nonsense #i dont mind if theres something odd about terrys origins i just dont care for it to be bruce related #if you ask why dna tests arent done on either side #bruce knows he didnt sleep with terrys mom #while cloning is definitely a worry in canon its not so muvh in dcau #and even if terry Was bruce’s he wouldnt match canon bruce anyways #i personally prefer the idea that while most of the same people are born at the same time #or the same age range as necessitated by sliding timelines #theyre not gonna be the same sperm and eggs #thats just silly #if you ran btas bruce against canon bruce i imagine they show up as brothers at best #more likely as cousins #or possibly depending on how far back the dimensional differences go #not at all #like btas tim drake is essentially completely unrelated to canon tim drake #might have a miniscule connection on the dads side but thats it

[cybernet1c]

Watched house of wax with my stepfather last night but I'll have to rewatching it again when he's out bc jfc shut THE FUCK UP geezus but uhm. Lester and I are now happily married my favourite part is either the scene where fucking uhm. Wade (idr how his last name is spelled sorry but Sam Winchester for u girlies) was still alive under the wax but Nolan or whatever his name was was tryna get him out but was just pulling his skin off. Or the infamous super glue scene, but the whole scene not just the.. scene. Also when Bo snipped the tip of her finger off 💕💞💖💗💓💝💘 so who wants to kidnap Lester and Vincent to give them better lives and kick bos ass (even if I still love him </3) I love that the whole town is wax but it's simply unrealistic. They're in fucking Louisiana. It's hot as fuck there. That shits MELTED. my favorite death was probably Paris Hiltons character, Paige, who was also the smartest in the movie. MC whatever the fuck her name was been walking up the stairs whenever she CANNN like BRO THE HOUSE IS MELTING GET OUT DON'T GET HIGHER. Her brother threw the bottle at Bos truck who could've killed them if he had a gun and wanted to. Nolan's whole personality was dumbass with a camera (still love him tho) Wade decided to get into Lester's car, y know, the guy who has a big ass pile of roadkill- But Paris and her bf were pretty smart, horny, but smart. Her bf went to turn the music back on and was ambushed, she was asleep yet STILL had that scene with Vincent, and just because Vincent caught her doesn't mean she wasn't smart. Esp when she hid in the car

#thought you liked minecraft 🙄 #he kept asking about Minecraft stuff that i didnt even know abt #so i told him that and he was like #then continued to talk for about 49 minutes about how its because i was born a woman

[thebestestbat]

raven and jgy are also kind of complete opposite characters bc jgy's entire teenage and young adult life was about trying to find a way to become his evil father's right hand man and raven's entire teenage and young adult life was about avoiding her evil father's attempts to make her his right hand woman.

#so mdzs is kind of like if there was a side character who was like raven except it was raven whose dad hated her and she wanted his love #so bad that she got so smart and good at committing evil crimes in the hopes that he would notice and love her #but then he only used her and never loved her and in the end she realized he was just a piece of shit rapist and killed him plus 29 women #AND THEN her old best friend. whose older brother/father figure she killed while working for her own dad. knew what she had done #and concocted a whole plan that would out raven as evil (and in mdzs this raven cares so much about her reputation like sooo much) #if raven did not kill herself. and then the friend changed her mind (its a girl friend if raven is a girl) and tricked raven's best friend #into killing her. and also the old friend had dug up arella's body and destroyed it. #the end :) #ALSO ON THE OTHER HAND. so ntt is like what is jgy was raised by a cult who taught him cultivation but made him feel guilty about it #and that he had to use it to help people or he was evil. bc he was born evil and has to change it #and he has no friends and no mother. they didnt even let him talk to his mother #and he realizes that in order to save the world from himself he has to leave his mother and everything he knows #and he can never go back. and the people he finds to help him don't understand him and he doesn't understand them #and he still has to use his cultivation to help people and everytime he does it hurts him #and he thinks he made a mistake to leave his home because his evil father is getting even closer and closer and everything hurts so much #and it is so much harder now to not be angry. and he cant ask anyone for help because he left behind the person who would always tell him #how to get rid of emotions #THE END i dont actually know the end of raven's story alskdjf havent read that far #jgy #raven