#i didn't get into baseball until i was 13

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 13

Daddy Cop AKA "Friends Don't Let Friends Murder Board… Alone"

After watching 5x13, I really didn't think I could write the Meta until I had 5x14 for additional context. But after taking a step back and re-evaluating my hangups, I found a way. I do hope you enjoy it!

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a nice, safe, spoiler-free zone... I'm sorry, this ain't it. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and perhaps the entire series to date. It's a LOT of fun, though, if you're up for it!

Ready to see what awaits our delightful duo now that Chenford Coitus has been achieved? Let's dive in!

Nobody Puts Timmy In A Corner

Lucy is sitting at the back of Roll Call so she can keep an eye on Tim. He doesn't even have to turn around for her to feel the misery coming off of him, even through the walls.

Tim hates this. But it's what he has to do for love, right?

My Chair is Moving

Like, this was so personal, and yet so sweet. She totally turned his chair toward her, and he was happy to go along because—let's be real—she's the best part of his day.

Seeing Tim without his set up for his camera on his chest is strange. I know it hasn't been there all along series-wise, but it really stood out to me watching this scene. No need for them to monitor what he's doing with the public because he no longer see the public. He sees... part of a window.

It's been one week based on Canon, so we know he's already bored out of his mind... no matter what he tells his girlfriend. (I will never get over getting to call Lucy Chen that! She's Tim Bradford's girlfriend)

"I thought we said we wound never lie to each other."

There are a million conversations happening between these two that we never see. We have fan fiction where we can speculate on it, but at first blush I really appreciated this glimpse into their shared code.

Now, they spend the entire episode going against said code (which I'll get into at the end of this Meta), but I do like that we have insight into what happens when the camera's not rolling between Tim and Lucy.

"That was a lie." "You're miserable."

She knows her man. I mean, anyone paying attention can tell that Tim's having a horrible time working at a desk. Now, he's got productivity up and whatnot, but he's miserable.

We saw him make the sacrifice play in 5x12, but now seeing him living it is akin to us hearing about the Monster that was his father and then meeting the man, ourselves. It's about as bad as imagined, in both cases, but there's something about seeing it that makes it more "real".

Desk work for Tim Bradford is bleak. But, he'll do whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves.

"No. It's not that bad. Nice people. Low stress. Wait, wait that reminds me... next week." "Thank you." "You're welcome. Be safe out there. I'll see you at the end of shift."

I'm reminded of 4x01 when Lucy asked Tim to be careful over the phone. "I always am," he said. This time, it's Tim who's staying in place and Lucy who's on the move.

And the face she gave him when he gave her the thumbs up? Like, "don't give me the bad baseball thumbs up!" She gives him an aghast look, but he follows up quickly enough to reference the end of shift—his happy place.

The same schedule means they can see each other every day, yes, but during the day it's bloody torture for Tim. There was a song in my youth about living for the weekends. Right now, Tim is living for end-of-shift. (originally I typoed to "end-of-shirt" and that kinda works, too, if ya know what I mean)

When she walks away, he exhales, thinking his charade worked. Hell, no, Tim, my boy. Your girl knows when you're hurting. ("I rode long enough with you to know when you are being you and when you're upset")

Lucy is in the best relationship of her life. No way she's going to stand still while he's struggling. This is the ultimate give-and-take. Tim steps back for Lucy, Lucy steps up for Tim.

"I'm just trying to find a way to keep him from losing his mind." "Is there no other position he can move into?" "No. Everything's at a standstill."

Stripping away the "do they know" question (which I cover in the summary at the end of this Meta), I'm going to just talk about Nyla and Lucy watching out for Tim.

Lucy intervening on Tim's behalf is not surprising. She stood up for him against the Sergeant who wasn't taking the fender-bender case seriously. She recorded multiple books-on-tape for him so he could study for the Sergeant's exam. Heck, she helped renovate his home while he was dating Discount Barbie.

So, Lucy stepping up for Tim would never be what raised red flags on their relationship status change. Yes, I expected someone to comment on Tim being "punished" or something if they weren't aware of the relationship, but since they didn't, we work with what we've got.

And what we've got is everyone aware that Tim's in a job he hates and wants out of.

"Alright, well, then you're going to have to shake things up… create an opening... It means you've gotta get creative. Find a weak link and start a 5-player trade." "Say more."

"Say more" cracks me up. It's so smooth and welcoming.

Girlfriend is finally seeing an angle for her "find Tim a new job" plan. It reminds me of her telling him, once, that he's the king of coming at problems from a sideways angle. Looks like the student really has become the master!

"Metro would be a good fit for Tim... I mean, Hicks might be up for a transfer, a bit more family time... if he left Metro, Tim could take his spot."

The one part I skipped over here is the part that I think would be an interesting test for Tim and Lucy—can they navigate the brutal hours?

I tried to look up the LA Metro to get a little more intel (yes, I'm that Meta writer), but information's sparse online in terms of actual timelines for the teams and shifts. There's likely good reason for it ("Hey, coppers! When will you be off the streets so we can pilfer some golden duckets?"), but I had to check. It's the journalist in me.

It's not like we've never seen Metro before on this show. I was watching an episode the other day where they radio'd to call in Metro and we saw a bunch of folks we didn't know in tactical vests show up. They'll find ways to tie Tim in, I'm sure, but I'll be curious to see if/how it affects Tim and Lucy's relationship.

"What could go wrong?" "A lot for both you and Tim. If Sergeants feel like they're being manipulated, they will never trust you again. And they talk. So the next time you need a favor, and you will, the answer will be no. Forever. So, tread lightly."

Will there be any consequences for all this? I've seen the speculation, but I think all this warning did was encourage Lucy to be crafty. See Exhibit A below.

"Uh, listen, my roommate is an excellent babysitter and she's always looking for work if you ever need someone."

Never underestimate the power of childcare. Especially for parents of multiples. I only had twins, and I can still imagine the chaos of that poor man's house and life. It's a gift, yes, but I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy.

Every time I see a character on a show having multiples, I wonder who in the Writer's Room hated them, because it's a tough, tough road. I love my boys forever and ever. But it's a unique challenge raising multiples.

And Hicks is intrigued. Because finding people to watch multiples can be a nightmare, too. Trust me. I've been there and tried all the sites before I finally gave up on Brick-and-Mortar and started working for myself.

The Gang's All Here

This was my second favorite scene of the entire episode. I love the Found Family trope. I love that there is this core of people who have decided to not only work together, but to do life together.

I don't have that through any of my brick-and-mortar jobs (mostly back-stabbers and high drama, there), but I do have it from University. 20 years with the best friends in the world. So, I see these scenes and I see my own Found Family reflected there.

As each group files in (and someone over on Twitter noted quite brilliantly how each door opening coincides with a different method of announcement—knocking, ringing, walking right in), it's adding the layers to the scene. It's not convoluted or complicated or cachophonic. It's harmonious.

You can see how all these very different people work together, compliment one another, and fit together into a jigsaw puzzle of friendship.

And to know that Tim's friends band together to come to his aid means so much. But I hate that he doesn't know.

I understand the subterfuge of doing something great for someone you love—orchestrating a great something. My husband did it for me through a four-hour scavenger hunt marriage proposal that took me through several cities before arriving in the theater where we met. He had production meetings for that proposal.

So, I'm not frustrated at the fact that Lucy did this without taking credit for it. I've done things in secret for my loveyby and him for me.

However, I wish Tim knew how much he was loved. I don't think he fully comprehends that yet, and since this wasn't used as an opportunity to demonstrate that to him, I'm hoping that'll come down the line.

Look, when you grow up thinking you're unlovable, it's powerful when your friends come through for you.

My husband and I had to get a new fridge a few months back. Old one died. But we couldn't afford to go through a box store, so we went Outlet and had to transport it ourselves. One friend fractured a finger. Four others worked together to dismantle and reassemble it to get it into the house. It took 2 hours. They had come over for Matthew's birthday party and instead we moved a fridge.

And not one person complained. We all laughed. We took hilarious photos. We had an amazing time. Because, finally, we have people in our lives who love us without condition.

Tim has that, too, but I sometimes think he doesn't fully understand it. I do wish he knew how much they love him and how they all came together to help him as an act of love.

And if he doesn't find out about this, I do hope there's still a time down the line when Tim Bradford will fully realize how much his Found Family loves him.

"Oh, you look surprised. Wait, weren't you on the group text?"

I'm DYING. DYING that they have a group chat and somehow Nolan still missed it. I know he said that he unplugs when he gets home (which is a great thing to do, but I don't know if he'll continue to move up the ranks without being more easy-to-reach). But it really made me cackle.

And I have to say that the choice to put the post-its on the windows so they could shoot through was really genius. My favorite logistical decision of the episode. Credit to the writer, director, set designer, or whoever said, "This is the way".

But Tim's reaction to Nolan throwing up his arm to block his way cracked me up. Like, Eric Winter's physicality as Tim never fails to amuse and amaze.

And Lucy's "where the hell do I put these things!?" face had me rolling. Melissa O'Neil has had a lot of room for humor these past few episodes, and it's fun to see her show off her chops.

"Is that Lucy's car?"

Yes, Tim. And Wesley's, James'. It's a party! But, of course, the only one he cares about belongs to his love.

And how on-brand is it for Tim that he doesn't care about the air conditioning ("air conditioning makes you soft") but he was all about getting to watch the game? I cackled.

Tim clocks Lucy across the room and Angela clocks their interaction, casting knowing glances towards Bailey and Nyla. Hermana, never change. That choice was all Alyssa Diaz and I love it.

"You okay?" "Yeah. Couldn't be better."

It's not a lie! But, she certainly has a lot on her mind, and as soon as he walks into the room, Tim's forgotten the game. He's focused solely on her.

Smitty and Lucy

This is a tiny detail I spotted as Lucy walks into the room, but it made me laugh. The sign on the door has been switched to "occupied" but the door is wide open. Did Smitty set it to occupied but forget to close the door? Did someone else switch the sign to warn of Smitty? The possibilities are hilarious!

And Lucy Chen loves Tim Bradford so much that she's willing to make a blind deal with Smitty, of all people. And does Smitty know about Lucy and Tim? Is he writing fanfiction of the two of them at his desk instead of working?

"Nothing weird." "Nothing weird. I promise."

Because with Smitty, you have to clarify. Still, she's braver than I am to make this deal with zero idea what he'll demand in return for this favor.

"Deal."

Taking your husband's words? I stan a couple who are so in love they pick up on one another's phrasing. I can think of two recent examples of Tim ending a conversation with "Deal" from my re-viewings. With Genny at their family house, and with Lucy when she told him to ask her out, again, after she dumped Dead-Weight-Chris.

So, Lucy's subconsciously picking up on Tim's words, and that cracks me up.

My husband picks up on my phrasing, but it's more obvious because I make up things. Like when our twins were tiny and complaining about random things, I'd call them "Complainababy" and if they were congested they were "Conjestababy". Yes, I understand normal people don't do that. I embrace who I am.

And watch how she flexes her hands as soon as she leaves the room to rid herself of the awful feeling of making a deal with the Smitty. Sorry, Lucy, but there won't be enough hand sanitizer in the world to save you from what he has planned for you.

"Hey." "Hey." "I just heard Lauren Fuji is retiring." "Really? That's surprising."

I have thoughts about this that are at the bottom of the episode notes, so skip there if you want my honest thoughts on this right away. Or you can keep reading the Meta and we'll get to that later.

"Don't you get it? It means there's an opening in Metro. Well, at least there was."

This is the first information to Lucy that's new, and she cocks her head at it. Because it is completely plausible that someone else swooped in and took the position she tried so hard to hand-carve for Tim. And that would suck, but it can totally happen.

And I love the way Tim (via Eric Winter) is punctuating his words, here. Tim is pumped up and excited, and it's so beautiful to see. He has been through so much heartache throughout the run of this show. We've seen Tim Bradford at his lowest.

But now we get to see him on the way up in a big way.

"Lieutenant Pine just called me 15 minutes ago, and I'm going over."

Timothy Bradford, you are gushing with excitement as you talk to your woman. I love how he leans forward toward her, like a kid with a secret that they can't help but share on the playground.

"That's great! Congratulations."

Lucy gives him a chest tap because she is truly excited for her man. I'm a tapper, myself, with my husband. So I think it's cute we share that, me and my fictional bestie.

But, she's also looking around the station to see if anyone noticed.

"Thanks. Grey gave me rock star review." "Well, he should. You're amazing."

Lucy's heart eyes and Tim's smile are sending me. He is smiling with all his teeth and every beautiful laugh line is alight with pure joy.

I'm also strangely excited to learn that Eric Winter's nose wrinkles like mine when he smiles big, sometimes, and that's so oddly comforting. My Eldest's nose does the same thing.

And how telling is it that we've had 5 years of watching Tim Bradford before I knew this little fact about his smile because we have never seen him smile like this before?

"I'm excited." *giggle* "I'm excited!"

There is something so sweet about excitement being such a foreign emotion to Tim that he has to verbalize it. Like it's bubbling out of him at a rate he can't control because he isn't accustomed to joy.

The last time he was happy, he was working the beat and was married to Isabelle. But, I argue, this is joy, not happiness bred of happenstance. Tim Bradford is bubbling with joy.

Professionally, his greatest fear has been advancing to the point that he's trapped at a desk. Tim likes to be on the streets, in the middle of the action, making things happen. Sitting might be great for Smitty, but not for Tim.

He took that hit for the love of Lucy. Now, everything in this episode implies that this was a waystation situation, where Tim was waiting for an opening to make a move. Grey tells him to "hang in there" and Nyla seems completely aware that they're waiting for something to open up to move him over.

His main goal in taking this desk job was to keep Lucy at Mid-Wilshire. The icing on the cake was that they got to see each other every day and didn't have to deal with syncing shifts.

Lucy knew before Tim took the job that he'd be positively miserable. The staging literally has him in a corner with his back to Roll Call, his back to the action, his back to what he loves.

Now, he's moving up to Metro, and it's definitely movement forward in his career, gets him back out on the streets, and keeps his relationship with Lucy from crossing any lines that might warrant an IA investigation.

The Tim Bradford we met in the Pilot was a man whose life was on pause. He was in a holding pattern with his job, with his wife, with his sense of self. Lucy entered his life, and it's like someone pressed "Play", again.

And it wasn't even romantic, at the beginning. Lucy is just this ball of light that stepped into his world. At first, it was blinding to him and he bit back at her as much as she snapped at him. But as she refined her glow, he softened his gaze, and they somehow met in the middle when the time was right.

Tim Bradford today is a man who has faced his trauma with his father head-on. Is there still healing to do? Hell, yeah. But he's on his way, now, instead of repressing and avoiding. He's working on his relationship with his little sister.

He's trying to be a complete human being—not only running from the image of his father, but embracing all the best parts of himself and owning them as his own unique identity.

Tim Bradford is closer to himself than he's been in a long time. Peeling back the layers of anguish, trauma, heartache, and abuse... it's taken time. And Lucy's been there for so much of it. For her to be the love of his life? Only fate (and the writers) could weave the tapestry so aptly.

Tim is excited. He has something to look forward to every day in his job. He has something to look forward to every night with the woman he loves. He's no longer looking back. For the first time in his life, Tim can truly look forward with excitement.

And Lucy's giggle!? I love her giggle. I doubt she's ever seen Tim this giddy and it made her giggle. And, yes, we know that she made that happen.

And, let me tell you, it's fun when you can make something happen for the person that you love. Puts a special warmth in your chest the bubbles out, sometimes.

"Let's go to dinner tonight and celebrate."

The cadence here reminds me of Tim telling Angela to proudly show off her baby belly while wedding dress shopping. It's a type of abandon we've heard in Tim's voice only when directed at other people and never at himself.

Tim wants to celebrate this amazing achievement. He wants to celebrate something amazing that happened to him. Before, he wasn't that jazzed about his award, except for how it could help with his forward momentum. Jackson built a shelf for his (with Nolan's help), and Tim probably has his in the back of his closet.

But Tim was excited about making Sergeant (remember his pride hanging up his new uniform before he opened his locker to see the booties?) and he's proud of this. But, it's amplified because Tim Bradford's life is finally coming together.

Career. Love. Found Family (even if he doesn't yet realize it). Sibling Relationship. Finances (he and Genny made bank on that house sale in the LA Real Estate Market). Tim's life is coming up Roses.

"Do you need any help?"

I have seen a few people disappointed that Tim didn't show up to help her at the end, but he asked her if she needed him and she said she had to do it alone.

He's not going to go against her wishes because he has learned to trust her and her judgment. He knows that if she truly needs him, she will ask. Lucy's far past not asking Tim for what she needs.

He talked out Emmett with her once he understood that's what she needed. He gave her a hug after Jackson's death.

"But tomorrow it is a date. We are gonna celebrate you. Congratulations. They're really lucky to have you." "Thank you."

Tim can't help himself. He reaches for her left hand with his right. He wants to touch her. He wants to be closer to her. Because he has never been this happy.

Lucy giggles as he briefly holds her hand before she separates herself. But, I swear, that man looked like he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

"Good Job!"

She taps his arm, again, as he goes. And, wow, I can't remember seeing Tim smile this much with teeth ever. He's beaming as he watches her go, his eyes trailing after her until the last second he can no longer see her.

He nods to himself. "Yup. That's the woman I'm going to marry." Not right this moment, obviously, because we're all enjoying the ride and there's no rush. But, someday. And he knows it.

I've seen folks worried about his face falling, but I think we're simply unaccustomed to seeing Tim's face resolve to neutral after a big smile. Something about his face threw me back to 5x02, so I went back and looked. And, yup, tears in his eyes, here, too. Tears of joy.

Tim Bradford is joyful, my friends. So full of joy that it's overflowing. And after all the heartache, heartbreak, and pure hell of his life... it makes it all the sweeter.

This man would do anything for her. She would do anything for him. In one another they've found their equal—that one person who meets them where they are in intensity and devotion.

One flame does not overwhelm the other, but they help each other's glow brighter and stronger. When one is dimming, the other provides the light.

This give-and-take is the culmination of years of long nights, early mornings, complex conversations, deep dives, flare ups, cool downs, in-jokes, and trust building. It's fictional, sure, but we're getting to see true love in real-time, and I am so thankful for this ride.

"I'll admit, I've been lax about cleaning it." "How lax?" "Either Clinton or Bush was the president." "Which Bush!?"

I laughed so hard at this line. It cracked me up so bad I didn't even hear the next lines. Of course, I went back and figured it out, but I love Smitty. In small doses, he really does add a bit of levity to the show.

Also, Lucy in a hazmat suit!? The things she does for love.

Because, even though we didn't see Tim and Lucy in a post-coital cuddle-fest, or a shirtless trek through Lucy's kitchen, or even a kiss between these two this week... we're getting to see sacrificial love. Not the kind that gives too much, but the kind that gives-and-takes.

Tim and Lucy are in love (even if they haven't uttered the words, yet). They're demonstrating it through how they treat one another, and it's such a beautiful reminder that relationships are so much more than sex and attraction.

It's about growing together, supporting one another, calling each other on your crap, and finding ways through the hardships of life together.

This is a place where The Rookie really excels. They show couples who work through life together, who love each other even when there is no cozy morning-after because they overslept, or the alarm went off too early, or a dog or kid needs something.

Love is complex and layered, and I love that we're not seeing Tim and Lucy in pound town every week. Like, sure, they're going there, but to see a healthy relationship? That is what both Tim and Lucy have lacked until now.

Tim and Lucy finally have a love that matches their souls. I'm grateful for every morsel of it that we get to see on screen. But just knowing that Tim and Lucy are this unbelievably happy and they're together? That's enough for me.

I used to watch Janeway and Chakotay touch once every 10 episodes and call it a victory. Mulder and Scully danced around each other forever and I was able to cope. So, the scenes we get of Chenford feel like four course meals, and I'm thankful to eat them again, and again, and again. The meals... I mean.

So, what were Rachel's hangups on this one? Lies, Clarity, and Metro. For separate reasons, I got a little stuck on these three.

Lies

I have a big problem with lies, as some readers know. When Lucy and Tim mentioned they promised not to lie to one another and then spent the entire episode lying, it got under my skin.

Now, I'm all for Loving Spousal Surprises. I've given them (my husband's 30th Nerf Battle Surprise Birthday) and received them (4-hr scavenger hunt Engagement).

But hearing the promise at the beginning followed by a whole episode of lying triggered my trauma.

I started writing the Meta and it was too colored by my own experiences. So, I stepped back, deleted everything I wrote, and started fresh with just the bones.

Sometimes, we have to be careful our past prejudices don't ruin our present experiences. At least, that's something I've learned.

Clarity

The ambiguity as to whether the team is in-the-know, oblivious, or pretending-to-be-oblivious regarding Chenford was frustrating. It made it really hard to write because I felt like the cues from the scenes shifted throughout the episode going in multiple directions.

I am not a person who minds that we didn't get a Morning After (plenty of time to see Domestic Chenford), or that we didn't get the DOD Tattoo (it's hers, not theirs), and I wouldn't even mind if we missed seeing everyone find out/announce they know.

From the first scene with Nyla, I thought they were obviously open about their dating. But, then at Nolan's, Angela was giving "knowing" eyes and Tim kept his distance. Then it was over to the final Chenford scene where Lucy and Tim both look guarded about who might be watching.

My take? I figured everyone knew but Chenford thought they didn't. But, that's a far bigger guess than most of my guesses, so I felt uncomfortable writing it. I like to draw from what I see, not try to draw over it. I'm a hapless fan sharing uneducated interpretations, not the writer of the scenes.

So, I tried to avoid talking about it with this Meta since I don't feel like I can yet speak with certainty on the matter.

Metro

"If you ever do consider Metro, give me a call."

If it was this easy, why did Lucy have to go through a thousand hoops? Sure, it was great practice for the inevitable Wedding Place Setting game down the line, but why was this line here if it wasn't an option for Tim?

And why didn't Nolan say anything during the brainstorming session? I know we like to talk about him being clueless, at times, but he's far from idiotic. It might've been pertinent information, or an "in" to help expedite Tim's ascension.

I struggled with the directionality of the scene. Watching it the first time, I was convinced it would feed into the quest to find Tim a new position. If it wasn't there for Tim, was it to show that Nolan isn't where he's supposed to be? Are we setting up for Nolan to pop over with Tim at some point?

And, again, why didn't anyone think to give her a call about Tim, an officer who is far more seasoned and qualified for the position? No shade thrown at Nolan, but that's objectively true, and I couldn't fathom why this scene was structured the way it was if it wasn't going to help Tim. Maybe it's planting the seed for another episode down the line...

EDIT: The amazing @wordgirl40 pointed out in the comments that all the moving pieces on the board were Sergeants, and that hadn't stuck with me when watching the scene. I still think Nolan could have put in a phone call to help with things, but even that tiny clarification makes it easier to follow. Thank you!

Enough of my hangups. Thanks for bearing with me.

I want to draw out one line that I thought was really interesting, considering the "Found Family" angle of the episode.

Grey told Celina, "You have a new family of brothers and sisters. Remember that."

It's true. Big Brother/TO Tim was the one to realize what was bothering Celina and call her out. And how soft was he with her once he assessed the whole situation (no, he's not single, Carla. Ay, dios mio!)?

Big Brother/TO Nolan ran into the building to retrieve Celina. They had her back professionally and personally.

And the team had Tim and Lucy's backs. Like, this really is a beautiful little Found Family.

When Lucy and Tim do get married, if her parents don't show up, Grey can walk her down the aisle. Tamara will be her Maid of Honor and Tim's Best Woman will be Angela, of course. They'll be surrounded by people who love them without criteria or constraints.

Found Family is often stronger than bio family, I've found. And for Tim and Lucy—two people for whom "family" is a bit broken—their Found Family will always be there for them. For Tim. For Lucy. For Chenford. And for the family they'll build together.

Because love is a gift best given freely and with abandon. That is what this ensemble of characters have. At the end of the day, they will never lack in love.

As always, thanks for reading and bearing with me on the delay on this one. It was the most challenging, thus far. But I'm still loving every second of this Chenford ride.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

[norashelley]

15 People, 15 Questions

I was tagged by @oftwodarkmoons, thanks so much! This is long and I don't want to make people read it if they don't feel like it so I'll tag people first and put the rest under a read more! So if you feel like doing this I will tag - @murderballadeer @grusinskayas @chantalstacys @maudeboggins @jwclapton @emmybrown @nitrateglow @filminghere @oldhollywoodholla @joanleslies @valancystirling48 @ritahayworrth @patdevilles @gayworths @audreytotter

1. Are you named after anyone?

Although it's my grandma's middle name I was actually just named after a flower as were my other sisters.

2. When was the last time you cried? with physical tears? it's been a few years. my eye's are no longer capable of making tears. I cry internally at least once a week though.

3. Do you have kids?

No~

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Never had any opportunities to play any but I always pretended to play sports, I won so many gold medals in various sports, figure and speed skating, gymnastics, track, and hockey, and the baseball world series, it was great! All the imagined glory, none of the stress!

5. Do you use sarcasm?

With my family, we all use sarcasm very heavily. I had to train myself to hold back with other people when I realized it was upsetting some of my friends who didn't get/like sarcasm. Now I wont use it at all unless I am sure we have a mutual understanding and enjoyment of it.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

In person I will notice hair first, that's usually the thing I focus on with people most since I have hard time looking into faces.

7. What’s your eye color?

Green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Between the 2, happy endings. I'm scared enough in real life I don't need to add to it, though half the time scary movies I've sen aren't scary and just bore me. Although some movies I've liked are in the scary movie genre but they have good characters and plots and story development and are just kind of spooky, not scary.

9. Any talents?

Not really. I can do some pretty fancy whistling but that's a pretty pointless talent.

10. Where were you born?

In a tiny back room in my grandma's house.

11. What are your hobbies?

consuming media I suppose, movies and music mostly. I also enjoy spending time in nature and taking photos when I can.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have 3 cats now, only had 2 until recently when my neighbors moved and left their cat behind, had to save him from starving to death and dying of an infected wound he had so now he just lives with me.

13. How tall are you?

5'4, most average height ever.

14. Favorite subject in school?

History/literature, basically I just loved to read anything historical but I didn't like having to write about it. I'm only good at intake not output.

15. Dream job?

I don't even have one anymore... in a different life I would have liked to do cartoon voice acting or a food reviewer or something involving driving but those aren't things I could do now so I need to create some new dreams I suppose!

#about me #tag game #personal

[froggo-man]

"Fuck.." (Y/N) sits at his dark oak desk, face buried in his hand from stress. Recently he was put on the case of a murderer, a man who does things that make (Y/N) feel sick to his stomach.

"Estás bien detective?, You've been sitting there like a stump for about 12 minutes" (You alright detective?)

(Y/N)'s assistant Cody peeks his head in through the door, holding some coffee.

"Yes I'm alright Cody, it's just this case has been dragging on longer that I would have liked.." ,(Y/N) stated groggily, lifting his head and looking towards his assistant.

With that but of reassurance, Cody left the detective to his thoughts. (Y/N) looked over his files once more,

File Report #1: The Night Fuse, a mass murderer had set his eyes on a group of five adults that seemed at least in there early to late, twenties. He followed the first to slump away from the group, followed him home, and waited until he was asleep untill he made a move,

(Gore) bounding the man to his bed, gagging him with a used bloody rag, then getting him to wake up with a cut to the thigh, deep and jagged. The man woke cause of this pain and cried in agony into the rag as he tried to break out of his restraints. The sounds of his cries only feuling the monsters intend to drag on with the kill.

The monster brought out baseball bats, hooks chemicals and more, after hours, the man's eyes became dull and his pain-filled screaming turned into nothing. The monster knew that it was time to end the meeting so he took a knife and shoved it through the man's neck, and chopped away at it to finally chopped it off.

Smiling at his work he grabbed the head and shoved it into one of the clothing drawers and left the house.

End File Report #1.

When the officers searched the scene of the crime and found the head, they had put it in a separate bag from the body bag, as they wanted to search for fingerprints yet found none. Countless people have lost their lives because of this monster and he didn't stop at just that man's house that night, (Y/N) had eight more files on his desk somewhere for that knight specifically. The stress is getting to him faster than the midnight monster could cut off a leg. 'There has got to be something, some clue that could get us closer..' (Y/N) thought trying to calm his nerves.

(Y/N) got up from his desk and left to the room that held some things that could help find the suspect, walking to a door that was labeled 'Evidence Room Staff Only', opening said door with a key-card, once he was inside he went towards one of the many tables neatly organized by each case. There was only one thing that caught his interest though, slipping on his black medical gloves he pick up a small box, opening it carefully there is one single peace of paper and it said one thing that he knew was ment for him,

' Don't come for me,

The widows have been set free,

The fool I enjoyed making of you,

Shows at 6th fountain near 2,

I will show you what I can do,

Even if mama said don't play with my food,

You will shake and shiver,

At what the end delivers.

Signed - X.A.H '

(yes I just thought about that on the spot)

"Who does he think I am? Sherlock?" (Y/N) said, aggravated with how riddled the poem was.

Looking over the poem again and again, 'Shows at the 6th fountain near 2' that had to be some type of clue, where have I heard 'the 6th fountain'....' thinking hard a long on it, a sudden idea came up in his head, 'the 13 fountain formation in the middle of the City, Now, is near 2 am or pm.....', Going with the more reasonable answer (Y/N) got ready to head to said location

(Time skip to the. 13 fountains) this story is like 2 years old and it was late at night tryi g to finish this before I passed out)

(Y/N) has been waiting out here for a few minutes and nothing has happened, he's thinking about leaving when suddenly "NO, PLEASE STOP JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, PLEASE NO MORE!!!", a shout cane from one of the dark and we'll shaded parts of the fountain.

(Y/N) ran to the noise ready to help who ever needed it, when (Y/N) reached his destination all he can see if some figure on the ground backing away from someone who looks like a mid-weight male towering over the fallen man. "Pitch your singing with the night....", The standing man said in a croaky, deep, low, aggravated voice.

"W..what..?", The fallen man asked.

"Dr. Suese is telling you to shut the hell up, your voice is a lot louder than you think genius..", (Y/N) said, stepping closer to the scene, he eyed as the man standing as he turned towards him and the man on the floor, scramble to get away.

Now standing alone with the man, (Y/N) stood out in the lights of the fountain while the man stood in the shadows. The man walked closer to (Y/N), "I can only assume that you are X.A.H? You have two options; come with me or I'll have to gun you down..", (Y/N) said stepping backwards slightly while reaching for his gun at his belt.

'X.A.H' chuckled deeply and shook his head, "Your words don't sound as scared as your face and body look~, mabe you should get your hand away from your toy gun and come here little man." (Y/N) could hear the snarky sly smirk He had on, it made a shiver run up his spine.

"Already shaking, all I said was a few words. You are so pathetic it's beautiful, and it's making me hungry to hear your screams in pain!" 'X.A.H' laughs deeply.

'X.A.H' Runs straight for (Y/N), (Y/N) pulls out his gun and shoots it in 'X.A.H's direction, as quickly as he shot, (Y/N) ran in the other direction, away from the now wounded murderer. Now with (Y/N) running back around to the front, past the 6th fountain and down to the parking lot were he ran to the far end near the entrance, getting out his car keys in the process, unlocking his car just before his car was in reach and rushing in locking the doors behind him.

Once he is safe he looked out and back the way he came, all he could see was the first two fountains and the man right in the middle back turned to both the light and the third fountain. The same way the executions used to look like. With the sight locked into his head he pulled out of the parking lot and sped away.

X.A.H Pov:

'He got my hand that bastard', I gunt and head back to my hide out.

_-•The Next Day•-_

(Y/N)'s Pov:

"And then he ran at me like a fucking dog.." (Y/N) explained to Cody what happened the night before, trying not to be to graphical seeing as though he was still a rookie.

"Are you sure you should be here and not at home resting and recovering?", Cody looked at me with a very worried eye.

"I'll be fine kid, just be safe going home until we get him under wraps" (Y/N) said making sure Cody understood how dangerous it was.

Deciding to take a break from all of the work (Y/N) went home and started doing some extra paperwork that was put on hold because of the case he was put on.

_-•A Few Hours Later•-_

The sun had just got to the end of setting when there was a knock at (Y/N)'s door, pulling him from his work and forcing him out of his home office. He went to go see who it was, once opening the door he came face to face with nothing.

Looking around he found a box roughly packaged and looked almost about to combust, "I don't remember buying anything from ups", (Y/N) joked with himself. picking up the box he took it inside and placed it on the kitchen counter, making himself a mug of coffee he took the box cutter from the drawer and cut the tape off of the box.

Once the tape was off he opened the box and there was a plastic bag and a letter. Picking up the letter he read it carefully.

Letter:

'You've perked my interests little detective,

I've never been hurt doing what I do best, you even figured out my super easy riddle not even officers more experienced that you could figure it out.

Let me cut to the chase, I've killed every single officer that was put on my case, I like to call it the death touch case. I am usually able to get them in at least three days but I've been watching you for weeks, an you haven't shown your neck open yet.

I decided that if I can't get to you, I'll get to what's around you, just to break away the forces you have. I was nice enough to stop chasing you after you shot me but I was still angry. So of course I had to do something to punish you.

Look in the little bag and you will find something beautiful.

I'll love it when you cry,

X.A.H'

(Gore)

(Y/N) looked over at the bag skeptical and fearfully, soon enough opening the bag to a horrid smell an sight. In the bag were two circles of skin and blood, on the circles were eyebrows finely plucked. He threw the bag as far away from him as possible, a photo catching his eye. His aunt... With circles cut into the flesh and removed was cut off above her eyes, she had what looked like a bullet wound and several stabbed wholes in her chest...., She was now dead. (Y/N) felt himself start to lose his composure, a bit after he started uncontrollably sobbing and even threw up onto the tiles.

X.A.H's Pov:

'Pathetic', He chuckled to himself, 'Breaking him will be easy~'

#male reader #murder mystery #bottom male reader #male yandere x male reader #male x male #m4m

[felixcloud6288]

Higurashi: Curse Killing Chapter 13

In the intro poem, Frederica Bernkastel talks about herself and several others being trapped in a maze. Of note, the person who knows they're in a maze but doesn't know there's no exit is referred to as "he". I guess "he" is Keiichi who's been trying for three arcs now to figure out what is causing all these terrible events.

Everyone else just lives their lives oblivious to the maze they're trapped in.

And the story as a whole has escalated from the death of a few friends to the death of several villagers to the death of the entire village.

On the one hand, shock would probably make it hard for him to process the situation even when he sees the body bags and the corpses packed into the trucks. On the other, I feel like the buildup to everything was longer than it should have been.

Like, it shouldn't have been gentle. We should have seen Mion or Rena's bodies being packed into a body bag. The story should have slapped us in the face and said 'Yes. Everyone is dead!" and then we get the shots of the hundreds of body bags and the news reports about the disaster.

And then Keiichi freaks out when he remembers that he wished for the death of Hinamizawa.

That one line from the personnel with Keiichi as he passed out "It's not okay for life to die", I don't know why, but it resonated with me.

And some things of note in the death list:

Jirou Tomitake is not his real name

Chie and Kameda (The guy from the baseball game) died in an accident in the mountains.

Teppei is still not reported dead

Shion and Kasai (Who we haven't met) died two months later at the hospital

The very last part of the chapter is like something you'd hear on a conspiracy theory true crimes podcast. A bunch of dudes would be talking about Hinamizawa and claiming it was some government conspiracy and the government killed all these people and claimed it was a gas leak cause government gonna government and this was actually to hide the aliens or something.

And then they'd bring up Keiichi and be all "There was one survivor Keiichi Maebara, who died four months later" "Of course, the government wants to keep him silent." "And he never testified about the disaster" "Oh he probably did but the government came in and stopped any testimony from getting out there." "Or so we thought cause in 2003, a tape recording believed to be an interview from November 1983 was found. Here is that recording."

I kinda want to see if it would be possible to trick an actual conspiracy podcast into thinking this was a real thing that happened.

I was going to mention this in the spoiler section until it got brought up in the chapter itself. Yeah, Keiichi should not be alive if Onigafuchi swamp released enough gas to asphyxiate an entire village. Carbon dioxide is heavier than air so it can be trapped in lower areas. And Keiichi was at the bottom of a ravine so the gas should have settled around there first.

And that reporter did not escape Keiichi's curse. It took 12 years but he drowned just as Keiichi said he would.

At this point those true crime podcasters would be freaking out and be like "Yo, this ain't aliens, it's ghosts! The governments trying to hide that they made contacts with ghosts!"

In chapter 5, Rena asked Keiichi how would he react if the village was destroyed in a volcanic eruption and he was the only survivor. She was trying to make him understand that he should cherish the fun times he has with his friends because those days will end eventually.

It's almost ironic what ended up happening though. An eruption did destroy the village, but it didn't mark the end of Keiichi's happy days. His happy days had already ended so he let the village be destroyed.

back

Spoiler Discussion

I'm making a lot of conspiracy jokes, but there is definitely one here.

Alongside what the interviewer mentioned in the chapter, I also want to bring up how Keiichi had apparently attempted suicide in August. Do you know what else happened in August? Shion committed suicide.

And isn't it interesting that Chie and Kameda died in an accident trying to evacuate from the disaster? People from the nearby area had to evacuate as well but isn't it quite the coincidence that someone from the village ended up dying in an "accident".

What I'm getting at is everyone connected to the village died. I bet Shion and Keiichi didn't attempt to kill themselves in August. Someone tried to get rid of them, but medical staff found Keiichi before he was killed.

#higurashi no naku koro ni #higurashi no naku koro ni reread #higurashi when they cry

[delusional-mishaps]

so basically. i died. anyway days 10–14 of badsansuary :3 only more doodles and little blurbs of writing because, again, I Died :(

day 10: vibe check

this is like his love language or smth idk. bashing someone in the back of the head with a baseball bat <3333 (also whoa full body picture of my sona... yea their feet are paws mwahahha :3c)

day 11: rival

"stop!" jet screeches, kicking at dust defensively.

"stop—stop kickin' me!" he shouts back, leaning away from their kicking paws.

"not unless you stop beating my ass!"

dust growls, kicking back at jet while clutching his controller tighter, trying to focus on the tv screen despite the assault.

"not my fault you suck at smash," he spits, glaring over at them before his character hits jet's off the map once more.

jet cries out dramatically, wailing as the round ends and, once again, dust comes out the winner.

"i know you said you suck, but you really suck," killer quips from his seat across the living room, snacking on a chocolate bar. jet scowls, tossing the controller at his head. he easily catches it.

"let's see you do better." they roll their eyes, slumping in their seat.

as expected, dust wins once again. it seems to be his one skill, being good at this particular game. it's maddening.

day 12: haunted

ik papyrus is actually a hallucination but i think its funny if hes a ghost sometimes and its convenient for this little silly scenario so. anyway smth smth dogs can see ghosts whatever

"can you tell your brother to shut up?"

dust jolts, glancing up at jet where they sit, thrown over the armchair across the room.

"i... uh..." he stutters. the hallucination of his brother falls silent beside him.

"i mean, all he's been doing is, like, complain about you and complain about me and it's really annoying," they continue when dust doesn't say anything.

"you can... see him?" dust asks slowly.

jet scoffs, rolling their eyes and looking up at dust.

"and hear him. tell him to fuck off or something."

dust turns to the... ghost?? of his brother. ghost? he's not a hallucination?

"... could you always see him?" he asks quietly, if not a little annoyed. he thought this was a hallucination all this time, and it's actually a ghost of the brother he killed...

"i mean, he pops in and out, but generally," jet answers with a shrug. "he's really mean."

dust snorts humourlessly. yeah, like he didn't know that. he's the one papyrus has been cussing out for killing him.

as if to add salt i to the wound, papyrus decides to pipe up then, "I TOLD YOU, SANS."

"fuck off, paps."

day 13: shadow

i think its silly when hes like literally an eldrich abomination beneath his hood LMFAOOOOO

day 14: tears

just a coupla losers being goobers <33

"babe."

"hm?" dust grumbles as he rouses from his nap, glancing over at jet. they're surrounded by a pile of half-folded laundry. laundry day...

"look." they hold up one of his t-shirts. dust looks it over before looking at them again.

"what?" he asks with a yawn, stretching lazily.

"look!" they emphasize, sticking their finger through a tear in the fabric. dust sighs, sitting up.

"you woke me because there's a hole in my clothing."

"yes!" jet replies proudly.

"why?"

"cause, like, all of your clothing i've folded so far has been torn. to shreds!" they cry playfully.

"to shreds, you say?" he repeats.

"to! shreds!" they confirm, wiggling their finger through the hole for emphasis.

"so what'll we do?" dust asks, rolling onto his stomach and pillowing his skull on his folded arms.

"well, i guess you'll wear shredded clothing until you get more." jet shrugs.

dust shrugs as well, moving a little closer to burrow his face in their legs.

"'kay. can i go back to sleep now?" he rumbles.

jet huffs, patting dust's skull.

"sure."

#badsansuary #jesters art #jester writes #self insert #dust x self insert #dust sans x self insert #dust #dust sans

[eriquin]

15 people, 15 questions

Tagged by @maikaartwork and I'm up for answering questions so why not.

1. Are you named after anyone?

I almost was named after my great-grandfather, but they backed out on account of a little bit of murder. I didn't learn this until I was much older, but yeah. Apparently, it was a tradition and Mom was like "okay, I could do that, but my grandpa killed his brother back in the day so maybe not." I was almost a Constanza! So now I'm using that name when I need a self-insert in stories. :D

2. When was the last time you cried?

Probably at some emotionally manipulative video about life and children and things. I always fall for that.

3. Do you have kids?

Yep. One son, who is almost 13.

4. What sports do you play/have played?

I used to play soccer and baseball as a kid, but wasn't a huge fan of running for those. Turns out, I have asthma. Have had it since I was 10 and didn't get diagnosed until I was 25 so... that's probably why I didn't handle running well.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I will answer this without using it. Yes. Definitely. But not as much as I did when I was younger. Mostly, I do it to keep up with my kid.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm not really sure.

7. What’s your eye color?

Brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I don't mind scary movies but most of the time I prefer one with a happy ending.

9. Any talents?

I'm not sure how to separate out talents from hobbies. How about: I'm very good at Tetris.

10. Where were you born?

Pennsylvania, USA.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, knitting, cooking.

12. Do you have any pets?

Three: two cats (Spot and Stripe) and a dog (Zelda).

13. How tall are you?

5'2" on a good day.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Math. Always math. Even when it got complicated

15. Dream job?

I would like to not. I'm job hunting right now after having been laid off and I just. Don't wanna. But I'm pretty good at managing engineers and data science so you'd think... eh, that's where it falls through. I want to do something like that for a company that's vaguely ethical and have said job not take up all my time every day.

Tagging: @mercurialkitty, @findafight, @sidekick-hero, @gettingovergreta, @agentchimendez, @greenlikethesea, @beenherewaytoolong, @blackmosscupcakes, @weronlystardust, @lingeringmirth, @streetcornertwoam, @tiffanybluesclues, @patchworkgargoyle, @h-i-raeth, @disastardly

#tag games #life and times of eriquin

[aki-draws-things]

@oh-surprise-its-me

Because you wrote javy played baseball , and I've returned from watching my sister's team game (for playout, but still)...I want the boys playing~

~~

Chris finds out something he never knew about ron and tom until Javy comes along one afternoon and asks if someone could drop him off at baseball practice. Mom's car broke amd they have a big game soon, he needs practice. They dont know he doesn't play with Jake, cause they're always together, except on that apparently. They took him there, and decide they'll go to the games too. Every game. Unless they're the same.time.as Jake's, but it usually doesn't happen.

He plays left field, and he's quite good at it too. He did quite some saving, but he's not the strongest hitter.

He's a mean pitcher, tho, Ron realizes. He's good. He's fast.

His coach doesn't agree, they already have a designated pitcher and he's very good. Javy is mediocre compared to that guy. (That's a lie, the pitcher is good but not top level. His father is inside direction tho)

Ron takes it on himself to train him.

Chris walks up to them as Ron is telling him how to fix his curve so that he goes faster.

Secind time he walks up to them tom is complaining that he didn't call curve ball and ron pitched one anyway.

"Look, haven't done it in years... it curved on its own!"

They used to play before joining the navy, and they were good, except their roles weren't what people expected. Ron, being bigger was expected to be a catcher. Nope.that was Tommy. Smaller, sure, but alsomthe only one who could do it when ron was on the mound.

Ron could have become a very nice player if he didn't join navy instead.

(In all that, I bloody forgot the slider is actually a pitch. As much as I love embarrassing story of ronnie not seeing a sliding door , well... team (starting from tommy) started to call him Slider because that's his best pitch. The name stuck on him, became his callsign)

During a friendly game, like the volleyball one, mav hits the ball, Ron doesn't manage to catch it fast enough because of sun glare and gets hit in the head/eyebrow/forehead. It knocks him out. He will be fine, maybe will spend the night at the hospital, and will have a hell of a bruise for months to go and mav will have the decency of feeling guilty.

(The bruise sticks around like months, so does the pain..happened to my sister when she was like...13. Her pitcher caught her slightly off guard with a fastball... spent good part of her summer with the blackest eye ever. No, that didn't stop her from playing, though she changed role, but unrelated to that)

#ron slider Kerner #tom iceman Kazansky #chris seresin #javy coyote machado #tom x ron x chris #baseball #the boys help javy training

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Laws of Attraction Ep. 4:

1. This has no bearing to the plot whatsoever but I think the actor who plays Tanthai somewhat looks like Fiat Pachata. He is just a whole deal taller than Fiat 😅

2. Ngl, if somebody bullies any of my nephews (like those kids did with Tonkhao), none of them would go in their own homes without experiencing a sharp smack in the head. 😅😅😅

3. What are you doing, Tin? Also, nice fighting skills lol Although, I don't know why none of Tanthai's bodyguards have a gun 😅😅😅

4. Yeah, who the fvck had the sense to lock Tanthai's car before the fight went down??? 🤣🤣🤣 <after five seconds> so they do have a gun. The fvck did they waste their time with baseball bat and knife then???

5. Tanthai's main bodyguard (don't know his name) is kinda decent, but also dumb. He could have teamed up with Tin and Charn to help release Tanthai from Thattep's clutches.

6. Again, Tin frustrates me. Yeah, moral beliefs are great, but so far, it hadn't helped bring justice to his niece. He wants to play fair but his opponents and the playing field are not. If I'm his grandma, I would have smacked Tin's head until he comes to his senses. Several times, in fact 😐😐😐

7. These rumour mongers.....it's like they don't use their brains. Also, Charn unintentionally showing his weakness (Tin) to Thattep is not smart. What will Charn's next move be?

8. At least, Tin is now self-aware. Better late than never, I guess. 😅

9. Ohhh. I haven't had lunch yet. That bowl of noodle looks delicious. So, are Tin's and Charn's smiles to each other. 🤭🤭🤭🤭

10. Maybe, there's a rat in their side. How did Thattep knew the frameup, otherwise.

11. The fvck? Did they paid somebody to take the fall on Tonkhao's hit and run? Also, I'm with Charn. Why didn't they used a fallguy in the beginning? But Tin also makes a great point - maybe Tanthai is guilty of something else. What the fvck is happening in this series???

12. Miss Clubowner being a fan of Birkin is such a letdown. All their bags look the same lol.

13. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Tanthai's bodyguard is not helping his young master. If he really cares, he should consider flipping sides.

14. Charn turning his charm on all the way up to trick Tanthai's friend to spill all the beans is 🤌🤌🤌

15. So, if Tanthai did not kill Tonkhao, why did they say that Tanthai did it in the first place??? What would they get from it???

16. Got distracted by Silvy's voice. I'm okay now lol

17. So, I guess Tanthai and the bodyguard are a side couple, which means a redemption arc somewhere in the later episodes.

18. Where did I saw the same premise that if you looked back, that means you are romatically interested with the other party??? Because that is what's happening in that goodbye scene with Charn and Tin.

I can't with the preview. Charn is still concerned about gaining money and power, justice be damned. Also, at this rate, it looks like Thattep killed Tonkhao. I just don't know why put the blame on his son and not the gardener, in the first place. And it also seems I'm right about Charn's assistant being sus. I am kinda excited for the next episode.

#laws of attraction #laws of attraction ep 4 #tincharn

[artdecosupernova-writing]

Partners

Reagan Gilmore and Ben Murray are desperate to take their music and comedy act—aptly called Gilmore and Murray—to the big leagues. In New York City, the year 1950 to be more specific, when and where you can’t swing a baseball bat without hitting someone demanding a duo act with talent, that doesn’t seem to be too hard. The tricky part, however, is rising to the top of the heap when you’re indebted to a particularly notorious crime syndicate.

Protagonists

Reagan Gilmore • 29 • August 15th, 1921 • Ireland

Reagan moved to a small town in New Jersey with his parents at age 9 and met Ben the same day. Some would say it was love at first sight, as the two have been inseparable ever since. At age 13, Reagan’s parents moved back to Ireland and he stayed behind since he couldn’t bear the thought of being so far away from Ben. He’s got incredibly good looks in spades and the charisma to back it up, which he’s learned to use to his and Ben’s advantage. He can have as big a heart as he wants but he’s deeply flawed and he’s tried to quell it for decades.

Ben Murray • 25 • February 27th, 1925 • New Jersey

A mama’s boy through and through, Ben has abandonment issues and a heavily codependent relationship with Reagan. Until age 5 it was just him and his mom, Shoshana, against the world, and meeting a little Irish boy new to town chucked a very welcome wrench in that cozy dynamic for the rest of their lives. Something dark brews beneath the complex surface of one Benjy Mertz. He fears being alone, even in his own apartment, and going as much as a week without seeing his best friend is practically equivalent to being imprisoned.

• • •

"Well," Ben said suddenly. "...What if we could work and celebrate Charlotte's birthday at the same time?" Reagan paused in the midst of kneeling to hand Carolyn another wooden car. "What?" Ben swiveled to face him, hands on his hips. "What if we didn't have to miss her birthday after all? We could...have a celebration at the Heron." Reagan and Carolyn exchanged a glance, the concern doubling in her face. "Have a child's birthday party at the Heron?" Reagan pushed himself to his feet. "Have you cracked? Geevo wouldn't allow a child to look at the Heron, and you think he's gonna let one waltz into the house just 'cause we work there?" "All we gotta do is ask, Reggie." Reagan lifted his eyebrows. "Be my guest." A quick jab of fear split through Ben's chest. "Wh—why's it gotta be me?!" "It was your idea. You're the one stupid enough to think you can ask something insulting of the man almost certainly involved in the mob that just so happens to hand us our paychecks after every performance of lascivious smiles and flop sweat." "It's a good idea," Carolyn interjected. "If you could pull it off, it would be better than missing out for six years in a row." Without breaking eye contact with Ben, Reagan released a slow breath, the weight of Carolyn's words once again sinking into his shoulders with the strength of a weighted blanket. He eventually lowered his gaze to the toys in her hands.

• • •

"He pays us," Reagan reminded him through gritted teeth once the door clicked closed behind them. "He lets me live in a house with my family, and lets you live, full stop." "With money that he likely inherited when someone went the way of the executed," Ben hissed, shrugging Reagan off of him. They hurried through the hall to get as far away from the office as possible. "We don't owe him shit! If anything, we're the reason that shit-head rakes in as much as he does every goddamn week!" Reagan shoved him into the wall. "If he hears you mouthin' off like that, I will let him wring your pencil neck, do you hear me? He's got all the right ties to all the wrong people." "Or is that the wrong ties to the right people?" Ben said, rubbing his shoulder as they turned a corner. "With Geevo Jones it doesn't matter. You'd be dead either way and I wouldn't know what to do with myself." "It'd tear you up that much, huh?" Reagan came to a stop and turned to him, picking up on the neediness behind the faux-casual question. "You've been my best friend for twenty years. You think I would've stuck with you that long if I didn't care about someone blowing your brains out?" Ben paused, nose scrunching. "...Didja have to get offensive?" "Yeah." Reagan smiled.

#Partners #PI #wip intro

[containatrocity]

"I'm 41, not dead, come on, pitch like ya mean it, damn!" It's been a few hours of chatter and the tell-tale report of a metal bat against a baseball out back of the North ranger station, the staff clearly having decided on a slow day to blow off some steam with America's Pastime, the 'bases' on the ground a set of old almanacs they'd found waterlogged in the storage building a few hours earlier- Duck tapping the bat against the one at his feet. "Hey- Rain's comin' uh- 40 years ago- we should be prepared fer- RUSTY CHRISSAKE." He yanks to the side, the baseball screaming past him and into the glove of the ranger behind him. "Wait a minute!"

"YOU SAID TO PITCH LIKE I MEANT IT!" the other man reminds- reaching up to catch the ball- and at the least, waiting this time for Duck to ready up- the warden's swing catching the ball straight on- and sending it sailing well out of their makeshift diamond. "Well. you're goin' to get that one, Romero." Rusty informs, watching it vanish over the roof of the station proper- Duck already taking off after it.

He tracks it down, but not until it's rolled to a stop beside somebody uninvolved in their game, Duck twirling the bat once and flinging it up across his shoulders to rest his arms. "Hey- I didn't hit ya, did I?" He's not in his usual outfit, dark hair tucked under a baseball cap, chest bare under an unbuttoned jersey, 'Romero' emblazoned across the back over the number 13 and a pair of sweats that had certainly seen better days even today given the stains on gray fabric. "Cleared the whole damn station with that one- I'd say it's a personal best." He laughs. "But I can't take that as a win if I nailed ya with it."

#huntsvillestarter #d.threads

[kittymilk-coffee]

These are some snipe headcanons that I just made up so don't freaking judge me 😃 cause I love this man with all my heart

His actual name is Dannosuke Hara and his first name means "bullet" "assistance" "this distance" and his surname means "plain field" (not confirmed I just created a name for him cause his basically forgotten by horikoshi

His half Japanese and half African American so his black

His father was japanese while his mother was African American

His born in Japan but was raised in America some part of his life

He has 2 older sister his the youngest

Since his half American I feel like his middle name would be Xavier

His mom inherited a horse ranch somewhere in Texas and and a bit of other animals, he grew up loving horses and growing up his favorite activity was racing with his siblings and archery as well

His always doubt himself about his ability

His father's quirk is "perfect aim" while his mom was "zooming"

His favorite food more of a comfort food is his mothers homemade meatball soup where she'd make everything from scratch and how it's served is well there needs to be a bed of rice and flood it with the meatball soup and for extra flavor some soy sauce, sesame oil and chili oil and no one makes it better then how his mama does it

His father wasn't always around since he was a soldier

Well his father met his mother at a bar in America one day and well they quickly clicked

They'd go back and forth from Japan and America

His father was a sniper and one of the most respected ones as well

And Dan admired his dad alot and wishes to be like him some day especially since his in the elite force

When he was just 8 years old he lost his father while he was serving in Afghanistan and died as a hero taking a bomb for the group and other civilians and broke the 8 year old

His mom feel into a great depression leaving his oldest sister to raise them while she gets better

But when he grew to be around 13 years old he was a victim is a lockdown and his eldest sister who died protecting Dan just in time to shove him in the locker while the shooter was distracted

His mom made them move back to Japan to live with thier dads side of the family and they didn't feel like they fit is due to Thier hair and skin color

He went to ua high school when he had come of age but didn't think is quirk was suitable as a hero since he basically shoots bullets

And that's why after graduating and rather then go and fullfil his duties as a hero he went to university and went to get a masters degree in chemical engineering

He never once touched his uniform after graduating cause it kept hurting him since he always hurtted his friends and teachers during training because of his bullets

And well while he was graduating from university he feel in love

And after graduation he went to try and recruit himself which he passed everything

Dan trained harder than before since he wanted to make his dear father proud and he keeps his dad's bloody and crocked dog tag

And he was one of the best cadets there and obviously he became a sniper

And he has kids this man has a set of twin boys with his fiance!

But after a few months of deployment he came back to see his fiance cheating on him on thier bed infront of the 2 year old boys...

And snipe he lost custody over those boys and his been trying so god dam hard to see them but couldn't

He got depressed and started drinking...

But a few weeks after that happened he lost his mother due to old age...

And that's when he decided to be a teacher at ua to get his mind off things...

He split his time alot

He kept trying to see his boys again but never had the chance...

For years he never saw them until they were 14 and snipe finally won custody over his twin boys

He had never felt this happy in his life...

He felt alive for once

He tried his best as a dad and raised them well

Snipe also likes playing baseball since he used to play baseball with his dad everyday when his at home so he did the same with them

Snipe did not tell anyone! I mean nobody that he has kids! Extra the principal he knows and helped him alot in the process

Since his from Texas his mother would slaughter him if he can't make good ass Texas barbeque

He once actually fainted when he saw his father slaughter a cow at 6 years old and he was actually supposed to help him but he ended up fainting in the pend and they just laughed at him

And he actually turned vegan for like a month after that happened but he un vegeaned himself soon

For a guy like him he likes reptiles and lizards he has a pet chameleon

His twins have been begging for a puppy for a long time and everyday they'll actually spam his texts with pictures and videos of dogs and puppies! Even memes! But he did get them a puppy

And when he kept saying no everyday and when the puppy came well Dan was the one attached to her even more than the boys

His basically a guy who has like 4 lives! -his a teacher,hero, soldier and a father

And no one knows about him being a soldier as well and his a colonel now so that's great

And that is all! Thanks for reading and disclaimer this is all made up and nothing is true except his quirk, being a hero and and a teacher!!! (Ps sorry for being on hiatus)

#mha headcanons #bnha headcanon #all for one #all might #snipe mha #my hero headcanons #mha deku #katsuki bakogou #shoto torodoki #ua high school #principal nezu

[callsignspark]

Be real with me, Elle, how much is ‘the life that could have been’ going to ruin me??

(‘Your lap is my safe place’, I’m looking at you.)

I would apologize for this but, as with everything, this is all @gretagerwigsmuse's fault. below the cut because I do not have the ability to be brief, warning for mentioned miscarriage.

but when Bradley and Mary buy their house (the house that Carole always said she wanted to move into, a house big enough for their family, for their friends, the house they spend their entire lives in together) the twins are three and starting to get to the point where they're starting to think about of giving them their own rooms. so they start going through all the stuff that has accumulated when you build a life together - old clothes, holiday decor that never gets used, your parents' stuff.

Bradley is going through a box of paperwork that Mav had after Carole died; it has a lot of important stuff. copy of her will, his parents' wedding certificate, and oddly enough, a folder with Carole's medical history. he flips through it, figuring she must have requested a copy when she got sick for insurance purposes or something, and a few pages in he wishes he had just put it back in the box.

October 13, 1986: Patient admitted to emergency department for severe abdominal pain and heavy vaginal bleeding. Diagnosed as spontaneous abortion, estimated to be between 10 and 12 weeks. Patient chose D&C treatment, local anesthesia used. Follow-up appointment scheduled for two weeks.

he feels like he's going to pass out. he was almost a big brother; he is a big brother, technically. he heads over to Mav's house immediately, barely saying bye to Mary which worries her but she doesn't press; she's seen the look on his face a lot. specifically, three times a year - on his parents' wedding anniversary and on the days they passed. she knows what he was looking at, figures it must have upset him and she sends Penny a heads-up text.

at Mav's house, he finds out that his mom didn't even know she was pregnant. that didn't tell Mav until Bradley was about 6 and she had a breakdown on the anniversary of her procedure.

he drives around for a little bit, ending up at the beach behind the Hard Deck, imagining what his life would have been like if his little brother had been born. it was too early to tell, but Bradley has been picturing a boy. Mav said that Carole had always liked the name Marcus, Marky for short, after Nick's father.

it goes through this in-universe AU I've been developing, where everything is almost the same except Bradley doesn't go into the Navy but he's a history teacher and he takes care of his little brother. does all the parent things - goes to parent-teacher conferences, goes to all the baseball games, takes a stupid number of photos at prom, etc. and it explores his feelings of watching his brother live the life he pictured for himself.

it ends with him coming home to the life he does have. his beautiful wife, his daughters he would do anything for, his uncle and the family he built for himself. Mary is like "you need anything?" and he's goes "just you baby doll, just you." the final bit is AU Bradley bumping into a pretty brunette in his bakery, "I'm Mariella, but you can call me Mary." because these two find each other in every universe, no matter what.

#and now I'm literally crying at my desk #I have so many ideas for this one #also Jordan: do you have any idea how far back in our conversation I had to go to find these messages??? so far back. #asks answered #sometimesanalice #MM fic #alexa tag 💖

[yourmomni]

Here with me- Park Jay

A/n: I've had this in my draft forever I hope you enjoy this

Watch the sunrise along the coast as we're both getting old

When I was 13 I found love. I found love that I never knew could feel like this. It was just a normal day as I walked through the park taking in the scenery. The sun was setting with a beautiful orange hue over the sky. I found a bench and sat down enjoying the way people lived their lives. I saw a couple having a picnic and a old married couple walking their dogs. Siblings playing at the playground. Different types of love. "Beautiful isn't it." I jumped looking at the boy sitting beside me. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you I just saw you sitting alone and thought you could use some company." He wore baggy shorts a vans shirt with a baseball cap turned backwards.

I stared at him his lips were bright pink and his eyes shinned like the stars in the sky. It felt like time stopped. Is this love ?

I cant describe what im feeling

I felt like we were looking at eachother for hours but it was nearly 30 seconds

He looked away first blushing and staring at his hands. "I'm Jay I live in those houses across the street we just moved her saturday." " im Y/n" He smiled up at me and I smiled at him

"

I wish I could live through every memory memory again"

"Just one more time before we float off in the wind"

We were now 18 and college was going to start soon and I new it was nothing I could do to change it " why can't you just be happy for me I finally did it I made it to their dream  school my parents are finally going to be proud of me for once why can't you just accept that." He yelled. I threw my bookbag on his bed. " I am happy for you but have you thought about where you want to go not them." He scoffed "Thats not something worth thinking about you know that ." " but just think about it you could go to any school in the world you just- " " Y/n just stop" He blew up. I flinched back. " Just because your parents dont give a fuck about where you go or what you study doesnt mean mine think the same ." He gritted his teeth  pointing a finger at me as he talked. I stood their wide eyed. I snatched my bookbag off of his bed. " You know what fuck you jay." He looked at me in shock. " Fuck you, Fuck your stupid college, fuck this stupid house and fuck what you think about me." The tears feel down my face. He took a step towards me. "Y/n  wait i-." I took a step back from him." No just stay away from me and have fun in college." I ran down the stairs and out the door slamming it on my way out. The tears poured out as I walked to my house I slammed the door and ignored my parents asking what was wrong with me running to my room. I closed my door and layer on my bed. I cried myself to sleep that night.

When graduation finally came around I finally noticed how long I spent with Jay. Almost half my life. When the ceremony was over I gave my dad and mom a huge hug as they both handed me bouquet of flowers. After taking a few pictures we went home and chilled the rest of the day until their was a knock on my door. My dad kicked my mom's leg so she would get up but she didn't budge. I giggled " don't worry ill get it." I walked to the door and opened it too see no one was there. " huh weird." I began to close the door until I saw a vase full of beautiful flowers. I tilted my head in confusion and leaned down to inspect the beautiful bouquet I found a note hiding behind a yellow rose "congratulations Y/n we did it we graduated I'm sorry about everything i said to you that day if i could take it back i would I'll be leaving today after graduation so you'll probably never see me again. But you'll be happy to know I took your advice life is too short to live other people's lives so I'm gonna live my own. Anyways I hope you never forget me because I will never forget you .

Love, Jay

Oh P.S. doesnt the sky look beautiful

I looked up and saw the orange hues like I saw they day I met him. I bought the flowers inside and put my shoes on " I'll be back dont start the next movie without me." " y/n-" I ran out my door and down the street to his house. No cars were in the driveway.  Hopefully I'm not to late. I ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. "JAY" I banged on the door. " Park Jongseong." I yelled. I backed up from the door and went to where his window was on the second floor. I picked up pebbles and began throwing them at his window. " Jay please." I fell to my knees  in exhation. I whipped my tears. " I never got to tell you how proud I was of you." "You can tell me now." I jumped at the voice and I saw Jay leaning beside me. I looked at him and it brought me back to that day. The day I met him.

He sat down and started pulling at the grass. Something he does when he's nervous. " your probably still upset with me but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and-." I threw my arms around him. He hugged me back immediately. I pulled away and looked at him as he looked at me I glanced down at his lips and he did the same for me. He leaned it and so did I our lips connected. He deepend our kiss and wrapped his arms around me tighter I pulled away we both were out of breath. " I love you I've always loved you." He rambled looking throught my eyes. I smiled " and I've loved you since they day I met you."

"Save your tears,it'll be okay all I know is you're here with me."

#black reader #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #enhypen jay #black reader x kpop #your.mom.ni #Spotify

[daydreamodyssey]

15 mutuals, 15 Questions

Tagged by @blind-the-winds thank you so much!

1. Are you named after anyone?

My mom named me after a character in the Big Valley. A surly, rough fighter who was loyal to his family and could be a softie sometimes.

2. When was the last time you cried?

A breakdown last week.

3. Do you have kids?

No. I think I'd like to in the future, but I need to trust who I'm with, and there's a lot in the world I'd like to see and do without that on my mind.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sometimes. Used to when I was younger but like Jax it could get twisted a lot, and honestly could be meaner than I intended, so I try to do it in close company or very cheekily.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Physically, hair. Mentally, their attitude.

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both lol. If it's a whatever watch with other people or I'm bored, scary. If I really like the movie and have a lot of care for the characters, then happy.

8. Any special talents?

Not that really stand out or feel practical. I'm creative in different mediums (writing, art, singing, sculpture, carpentry, etc), can solve puzzles and games pretty consistently, and can remember facts on animals, history, and other interests.

Sorta like Jax also there's a lot of things that maybe would've killed me but didn't, and just made me extra nervous and anguished or doggedly determined.

I can also roll my tongue like a burrito and can move my butt cheeks independently from each other. :D

9. Where were you born?

In a hospital.

10. What are your hobbies?

Like the arts and crafts earlier, reading (fiction of most stripes, biology, history, social sciences, biographies, manuals), hiking, learning Japanese and ASL, RPGs and video games, dancing, volunteering, list making, monologues.

11. Have you any pets?

Yes! Right now, a German shepherd who's going to be 7 soon. She's a bit of a hyper brat but she's very intelligent and loving.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Not professionally because of physical impairments, but I used to like a lot in school. Baseball, dodgeball, mini golf (pro golfers are on thin ice), soccer, football, volleyball, basketball. I was bad at most of them but I liked the activity and rare times I won.

13. How tall are you?

5'4.

14. Favorite subject in school?

History, writing, art, and biology. Wood shop was cool too. I used to like math until my teens.

15. Dream job?

Different things pop in. Sometimes i want it to be biology or environmental science, sometimes an esteemed librarian, a niche writer, or a different thing popping up I try to merge with the others.

Tagging: @aquadestinyswriting @ayzrules @bloodlessheirbyjacques @crewneck @digitalcheesecake @emelkae @howdywrites @imissmypants @neonhorn @olivia-online @perringwrites @pluttskutt @somewhatlargerobot @tf2protipto @the-godtier-ninja-duelist @thecrateofaus @wordwizards

[thewhiskersonkittens]

It's been over a week since I saw it and I still can't stop thinking about the Barbie movie. It's like I'm still in shock. No one cares but I will write out my full thoughts here under the cut.

PROS

Like everyone says, I 100% agree on the set design of Barbie Land and the costumes. They did a fantastic job! I expect they will win some awards for those categories.

I like most of the soundtrack although there's probably about three artists on it I actually know. (I feel old.)

Ryan Gosling. To me, he had the best performance out of the whole cast. Ironically, in a movie literally called "Barbie", I found myself caring for Ken more. I think that is a testament to just how good of an actor Gosling is. They butchered Ken's character (just like they did Barbie's) and wrote a really half-ass script but Gosling STILL delivered.

Weird Barbie. I'm not much of a Kate McKinnon fan but I think she did really well. I love this concept of a "weird Barbie" because it's so true to life. Of course there would be a Barbie some little girl messed up! 😂

Speaking of "old", my favorite scene was the one with Barbie on the bench next to the elderly woman. I think this movie's message could have easily been about ageism more than tHe pAtRiaRcHy...

CONS

The biggest issue for me is what they did to Barbie and Ken's relationship. They are one of the most famous couples of all time, albeit a fictional one, but I just wanted them to be in love and kiss. 😭 I'm a hopeless romantic. I am tired of the idea that a Strong Female Character™ can't have a romantic relationship with a man because it makes her "weak" or "not as cool". One thing they could have done is say of course Barbie doesn't need Ken. But she chooses Ken because she loves him. She DOES love him. (IDC what Gerwig or Robbie says. They got it wrong.)

The plot(s) are all over the place! I can't remember but I don't even think the mother-daughter part of the story even got resolved or if it did it was done in like two seconds?! I don't remember, by then, I was getting bored and restless.

There was no point to Will Ferrell and the Mattel CEOs. After the chase scene, I completely forgot about them until they randomly reappeared at the end. I'm inclined to think they were only included to be a red herring for when they cut the trailers for the movie.

I didn't like how they named everyone else "Barbie" and "Ken" in Barbie Land (Aside from Alan and Midge). I get they are saying everyone can be a Barbie or a Ken no matter what you look like. But did they not know about all the characters in Barbie's world? Skipper, Courtney, Kelly (a.k.a. Chelsea), Stacie, Christie, Francie, etc? Just seems lazy IMO.

"The Message". Don't tell me "yOu jUsT diDn't GEt iT!!!" 😑 Oh, I got "the message", all right. IDK how anyone can watch this movie and not "get it" when they might as well beat you over the head with a goddamn sledgehammer. When I was a kid, I had a Life Size Barbie. Why don't you get one of those and write "FeMiNISm!!!" all over her body, take her by the heels, wind her up like a baseball bat and beat me to death for two hours?! In hindsight, it would have saved me time and money for sure.

If you liked this aspect of the movie, all the power to ya. You are allowed to like whatever you want to like. But everyone acting like this shit was so deep and profound... ??? I'm sorry, are you kidding me?! It's about as deep as a kiddie pool. I think there are rain puddles out there deeper than this.

They could have gone about the women's empowerment message in a much better way and a lot more subtle and a lot less hateful.

Which brings me to my next point about what I didn't like.

IDK what this movie was trying to be? It had some funny moments but most of the humour was corny and flat. I've been craving an unapologetically girlie, "chick-flick" movie for a long, long time now. The kind they used to make 15-20 years ago or so. Think "Legally Blonde", "Clueless" or "13 Going on 30". Or think even further back to the 80's with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" or "Teen Witch". What better movie to make a return to that kind of genre than with a live action ✨BARBIE✨ movie? She is the epitome of girlie-ness and femininity. But I guess that's too "problematic" now or something.

Why did only Ken sing? Don't get me wrong, he did great, but does it seem weird to anyone else why he was the only one? It seems kind of random IMO. Why didn't Barbie sing a solo? I have no idea if Robbie can sing or not but still. Again, what is this movie trying to be? It could have worked as a musical but it wasn't.... but they threw in a Ken song and dance number out of left field?

And lastly,

Margot Robbie. I HATE to say this, really I do. Because I really like her as an actress. I had so much faith and hope in her with this role. I thought she was a MUCH better choice for Barbie than Amy Schumer ever was!

Robbie looks the part of Barbie to a T. She's beautiful. But as the movie went on, I felt like she wasn't giving Barbie anymore. At least not Barbie in the way I imagine the character. It feels like she was playing a completely different character. Barbie in this movie never really helps anyone but herself. Barbie is not supposed to be an emotional manipulator but here, she is.

It's not Robbie's fault because Gerwig didn't write her character correctly. Same thing with Ken. He's a himbo, for sure, but he's not supposed to be some pathetic simp. I feel like both Robbie and Gosling were kind of wasted. They are both so talented but their characters were not written right.

So, all and all, if I had to rate the movie I'd give it a 5/10. I feel like they got some things right, some things they could have done much better, and some things they just shouldn't have done at all.

This is all just my honest thoughts and opinions. If you enjoyed the movie, I certainly don't want to take that away from you. I'm a huge fan of Barbie and I left the theater incredibly disappointed by the final product and I was SO excited for this.

#barbie 2023 #barbie spoilers #i hope we can still be friends #barbie

[heymacy]

Oh god I love your head canon! Thank you for answering my question haha

Here’s another one for you- when do you think mickey realized he’s gay? Has he always known but couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud? Was he in denial for a while ? Who was his first crush ?

-anon xx

oh anon, you're breaking my heart with this one 😭 i’m gonna put my answer under the cut because it got a wee bit long (staying on brand here lmaoooo)

mickey's journey to accepting his sexuality was no doubt long and arduous and deeply painful. we see a lot of this in canon, his inability to admit to himself or anyone else that he's gay. we see it in season 1 with how he reacts to [redacted] catching them in the freezer. we see it in season 2 with how desperate he is to get rid of frank after he catches them in the same place. (hey, boys, maybe try somewhere other than the freezer?) we see it in season 3, though he seems to be coming to terms with his feelings for ian, at least until [redacted, once again]. i think the most significant component to his inner turmoil was his father, and even though he's now happy, married, and free from terry's clutches, he no doubt still has some internalized self-loathing to work through. even after accepting who and what you are, those thoughts and feelings don't just go away. it takes a lot of time and work to fully accept your sexuality when you've rejected it for so long, and there's no doubt in my mind that mickey's struggles with his identity didn't end when he came out, or when terry died, or even after that. but i do believe that eventually, with some therapy and support from his husband, that he's able to embrace and accept exactly who he is, completely free of self-loathing.

i think mickey knew from a young age that he liked boys instead of girls, but i don't think he acted on it or verbalized it to anyone. he was raised in a home where being gay was one of the worst possible things you could be, so that narrative ringing in his ears definitely didn't help his journey to self-acceptance. i think once he got a little older, probably all the while hoping these feelings would fade, he realized that girls were of zero interest to him, and that probably triggered a whole new onslaught of self-loathing and shame. the denial portion probably kicked in around 12/13, when those hormones and emotions are at a new and unprecedented high. it was terrifying for him to feel the things he felt and think the things he thought. but i think regardless of everything, he always knew. he didn't want to be gay, but he was. he is. and grappling with that, living where he lived, being around terry and his racist, homophobic family members - good god. i can't even imagine. i want to hug young mickey so badly and tell him that everything will be okay.

i have a little headcanon that ian was actually mickey's first crush. i think he took a shine to him during little league but of course, children are terrible at verbalizing complex emotions, so he probably expressed his crush by throwing baseballs towards second base and kicking dirt in ian's face when he slid into first. he liked him, and that made him happy and sad and a little bit mad. hence the dirt kicking. but ian was always there, in the back of his mind, the cute redhead with the crazy family that took baseball way too seriously.

also, steven seagal. canonically and headcanonically. (is that a word? it is now) we know the man loves himself some seagal. i like to think that at some point during their marriage, mickey tells ian he should grow out his hair so he can have a "powerful ass ponytail" too. ian shuts it down FAST, but it still gives them a good laugh.

#is macy in her headcanon era? perhaps #god thinking about little mickey makes me cry every time #aka i'm crying right now #macy babbles #anons #tw abuse