#i come to tumblr for no one to see anything that happens

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA trying to contact my ex about our dog's health insurance after he asked me to stop contacting him?

My ex and I recently got divorced. We had a dog together (Gus), but in the divorce I got to keep him. Last weekend, Gus got really sick and started throwing a ton. I rushed him to the vet for treatment and called my ex for the first time in months. He had told me that if anything happened to Gus, to reach out and he'd help. Well, I called him to check on the details of the Gus's health insurance because it was through his work (he got a $5 discount each month). He told me that Gus was insured and to send him the bills and he'd file the claims online. Also, it was my ex's birthday that day by pure coincidence. I didn't want to contact him on his birthday, but I had no choice! I needed to figure out the health insurance so I could know how much of the bill would be covered before paying thousands of dollars.

Turned out Gus had pancreatitis, nothing too serious with treatment. I spent about $1500 in vet bills that day. After paying everything under the assumption that insurance would ultimately pay $900 of the bill and I'd only pay $600, my ex texted me to never contact him again because "he needed space" and that talking to me was "too painful." I told him, okay I'll stop messaging you but just give me the insurance login so I can file the claim or transfer ownership of the policy to me (as my name was not on the insurance policy, I have no access to it at all unless he transfers the account to me, authorizes me, or gives me the login information).

He refused. Every time I kept messaging him, asking him to do one of those two things, he kept turning it around on me and telling me that I was being selfish and disrespectful by ignoring his boundaries, that Gus isn't his problem and since I got to keep him, I have to pay his bills. So now I have to not only pay all the bills and follow-up care, but I have to get a new policy and with how insurance works in the US, Gus will no longer be covered for future issues related to pancreatits or his skin allergies, because those are now considering "pre-existing conditions." 🙄

Well, I kept bugging him for days. I offered to pay him $200 to make the transfer. I threatened to message his sister and see if she would talk sense into him and he claimed that "I nearly gave his mom a stroke" because of the whole divorce so to not message his family. I requested he attend mediation with me so we could handle the issue, and he said he could meet with me in JUNE (this happened mid March) which will give him plenty of time to cancel the policy, I'm sure. I considered getting a court order to attend mediation with me but that'd cost $300. He kept refusing to help me, so I kept pushing and texting him and trying to call him, despite his requests to leave him alone. The $1500 vet bill is whatever. It sucks but I'll pay whatever I have to to keep my baby boy healthy. I'm just furious that this will make me get a new policy and that if more of the same issues come up, it won't be covered when it SHOULD BE. He just needs to transfer the policy (that he was still paying btw) to me.

I'm sure I'm not the asshole but my ex clearly seems to think I am, so I came here to open the question to tumblr. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole

[iron-strangers]

we will raise warriors

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Female Jedi!Reader

Tags: Established Relationship, Mand’alor Din Djarin, PWP, Vaginal sex, Creampie

CW: Breeding Kink, No use of Y/N, Smut (MINORS DNI)

Length: 2.036 words

Read this on AO3: we will raise warriors

Link to the series on ao3, tumblr

-

“Happy love day!” You greet Din at the front door of your home by tackling him with a bear hug, armors and all, presenting a small gift, wrapped rather messily, with a huge, silly red bow on top. “Got you a little something, cyare!”

Din just walked into your home, a grand three-bedroom apartment-style room in the eastern wing of Keldabe Palace. I want to see the sunrise every morning, cyare, you had said when Din asked you to pick your family wing upon moving to the ancient, though newly renovated palace. Din had no preference. No actually, he’d prefer not to live in the old castle. He’d rather live in a house in the countryside, somewhere near a body of water, where he can enjoy nature with his family, away from the responsibility of being The Mand’alor. But anywhere is just as good if he has his beautiful riduur and their foundling with him, Din claimed.

You help your riduur to pull off his cape, hanging the long fabric on its stand near the door. Gone is the old and tattered one, replaced by a floor-length, crimson, soft fabric that more often than not got folded into a birikad for Grogu. You excitedly rush him towards the karyai, sitting him down on a couch and placing the gift in his hand. Not used to getting presents, Din eagerly removes his helmet before pulling the red ribbon off, revealing a small T-shaped metal in a transparent box. He stares at it with a puzzled look on his face before looking back up at you with his head tilted sideways.

“Is this, uh, a new bullet?”

”It is not a bullet, don't you dare to load it into your blaster,” You scold, snatching the box from your riduur's hand. “You remember how we’ve talked about trying for a baby? We’ve been planning it for a while, and then there was that time when we kinda, you know, get excited about it in the throne room?” Oh yeah, Din can’t forget that one, nuh-uh, top ten moment of his life. “So, here it is. This is an IUD, mine. It’s my birth control. I went to the healer this morning to take it out.”

Din stutters, his eyes wide open, looking back and forth at you and the IUD, so expressive behind his helmet, trying to process what he just heard. You smile at him patiently, your hands steady on his shoulder, rubbing tight circles with your thumbs, giving him some time to process the news. A few seconds later, the frown morphs into a smile, a huge grin now adorning his handsome face as he then pulls you to his lap and claims your lips in a flurry of hungry kisses. His hands come up to your jaw to cup your face, holding you ever-so-gently as he peppers your face with kisses, stealing giggles out of you.

“How soon can we start?” Din asks eagerly, beaming to you like a verd’ika who just got his first set of beskar’gam, holding you by your ass and lifting you both from the couch, ignoring your protests, holding tightly around his neck.

“Well, my healer said it might take a few weeks to purge the hormones outta my system, but she also said that anything can happen,” You shrug, absently playing with the tuft of hair reaching his neck, he needs a haircut, you duly noted. “Anyways, the elders are begging for us to start training heirs already, so how about you give us what we all want and fuck a baby into me, ner Mand'alor ?” You lean in to whisper playfully, lightly nibbling on his earlobe.

You watch with a smirk when Din is, once again, completely at a loss for words. His pupils are dark with desire and you can feel him starting to harden in his pants against the swell of your ass. Smirking, you grind down on his growing erection, earning a groan from him, always so easy to tease. “Dont start something you can't finish, Rid'ika,” He warns you, pressing your back against the bedroom wall.

“But we all know how much you want to,” you tease, trailing your hand down his beskar-covered chest all the way to the tenting length straining his flightsuit pants. “Want me all soft and pregnant, looking absolutely yours . Your riduur, your baby- Oh !”

Din throws you on the bed, ignoring your squeals. He immediately crawls on top of you and pins you down with a kiss. His hand sneaks down to pull your armors off one by one. He studies you thoroughly, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing his left vambrace that you have worn since your riduurok. He brushes your robes aside, sliding his hand down your belly, admiring your body for a moment. You take his gloves off, wanting to feel your riduur's blaster-calloused fingers on your skin. Your breath catches and the feeling of his hands on you makes you shudder. His middle finger slips beneath the panties and between your slick folds.

“So fucking wet for me, cyar’ika.” Din's lips are back on yours, swallowing your gasps as he circles your sensitive nub. You break the kiss with a sob when you feel Din gathering up your slick on his fingers and he nudges his thick fingers into your heat. You gasp as he slides his fingers deep, crooking his fingers into your sweet spot.

“Right there, Din,” you whine, throwing your head back onto the bed. Your riduur’s hand travels up, cupping your breast and rubbing the pad of his thumb over your pebbled nipple, pulling and pinching. He watches as you chew on your lower lip, trying to stave off your moans. 

“Fuck mesh’la , I can’t wait until these are filled with milk. Aching and leaking all day long until I can milk you dry.” Din leans closer to you, rolling your nipple with his tongue. His mouth closes around you and he sucks hard while his other fingers are still leisurely pumping in and out of you, ignoring your pleas.

“Please what, cyar'ika? Where's that smart mouth now, hmm?”

“Please fuck me! Need you to come inside, fill me up with our verd’ika, please, ner alor- ah!” 

Din swears hearing your needy whines, eager to give whatever his riduur's wants. He pulls his fingers out of you and taps your drenched folds with the tip of his cock. Din growls, he has denied himself for way too long, tucking his face in the crook of your neck he buries himself all the way into you in one thrust, knocking the breath out of you. 

“Force, you fill me up so fucking good .” You moan, letting your head fall down the pillow and grabbing a fistful of the sheet as Din immediately pounds into you. Your walls flutter around his girth, struggling to take him. 

Din burns with desire and his primal need to breed takes over. One rough snap of his hips makes you scream as the head of his cock nudges your sweet spot just right, severing the connection to your brain for a moment.

“You like that, cyar’ika?” He leans down, kissing your sweaty temples. You nod, trapped underneath your riduur, wailing and begging and taking everything Din is giving you. He claims your lips and kisses every plea from your mouth before he pulls back, indulging himself by staring down where his cock is buried inside of you. His length is wet and sticky with your arousal and his pre-cum, making him growl and pace himself harder, faster, rougher.

“I know how much you want it, rid'ika- fuck , look at you, made such a mess on my cock, mesh’la. You don’t want me to stop fucking this pussy until you’re all round and swollen with my ad’ika, huh?” 

“Yes, please, Mand'alor, please fuck a baby into me, wanna make you a buir.”

“Manda - Soak my cock, mesh'la, c'mon, gonna get you all wet and pregnant.” he snarls, spitting filthy promises as he thrust harder. “That’s it, cyar’ika. Keep on squeezing me like that, sweet girl. Not gonna stop fucking this tight pussy until you're all nice and full with our verd'ika.”

“Yes, yes, fuck yes, Din, cyare,” you moan, rolling your hips greedily. “Wanna give you a baby, Din. Come inside me, please. Please give me your cum, oh, Force-”

Din can’t control himself any longer, he growls gutturally, his fingers digging into your hips as his pace grows sloppier and he shoots the first of his hot, heavy load deep inside of you, holding you hard against his front and rutting his hips as he pumps his seeds into your willing womb. The feeling of Din's seeds flooding your insides is overwhelming, your mind is whiting out, legs trembling and you’re cumming hard, milking the thick shaft, enticing him to pump more loads into you until it leaks down your thigh. 

“Don't waste any drop now, cyar’ika.” Din hums, grinning and kissing on your jaw. Slowly he eases himself out of you and watches his cum dripping out of you. He tuts with dismay, gently fingering it back into your puffy cunt, then he gives you his fingers to suck clean. 

You settle in his arms, making out with him lazily when he pulls away and smiles, his hand a comforting weight on your tummy. His smile gives you butterflies. Running your fingers up and down his forearm, you beam to him and he almost tips over with the weight of his love and adoration for you. 

“I'm so excited,” you whisper softly, admiring the blissful look on your riduur’s face as he sounds his agreement and presses a tickling kiss on your nose. Din plays with your hair, brushing the strands sticking on your sweaty forehead back. “Mesh’la? I like the name Aranar,” Din thinks, and you beam at him, nodding and testing the name on your tongue.

The sun is setting, painting a beautiful glow on both his and your mismatched vambraces. There's a peaceful silence between you, the sound of his breathing evening out lulls you to sleep, almost swallowing you into a slumber when you remember something-

“Oh, I have another present for you, an actual present!”

Din tries to protest, claiming you’ve already given him the best present in the galaxy when you shush him, levitating an equally small box from the side table. You open the box, revealing two identical keys on a plush velvet. Din eyes you curiously, picking one key up.

“Remember that one house we saw near your covert?”

“The one with the big yard near the pond? Did you- No, cyar’ika!”

“It’s ours! No, listen to me,” you huff when your riduur tries to protest again. “We can’t live in the palace forever, Din. I won’t let you to. You don’t like it here, and therefore, neither do I. I figured we’d stay here until Mandalore is stable enough, or until we’ve reached about seventy percent of our rebuilding goal, then we’ll move out. We’ll get speeders to get here every morning, show our adi’ke around, then we’ll come home when the day is done, to a place where the Council of Alor can't steal you away from me. We can make it work, my love.” 

Din stares at you adoringly with his big brown eyes, too overwhelmed with the weight of your love to honestly do or say anything other than holding you close and kissing you, caressing your jaw lovingly with each kisses, murmuring a soft thank you over and over again against your lips. “I’ve never- No one’s ever do this much for me,” he mumbles, holding your hand to his heart. “You don’t like it here too? Why don’t you tell me?”

“Oh cyare, you deserve the world and you gave so much for me and our foundling, so of couse I will try to give you a place we both can call home, where we can watch our aliit grows,” You lean into his touch, nuzzling his hand with your jaw, offering him a smile. “And no, I don’t like this place, the force ghosts of previous Mand’alors are creeping me the fuck out!”

“THE WHAT NOW?”

-

Mando'a translations

Karyai: main living room of a traditional mandalorian house

Riduur: Spouse

Birikad: Baby harness

Mand’alor: Ruler of mandalorians

Alor: Leader

Cyare / cyar’ika: beloved

Riduurok: Love bond / Marriage agreement

Mesh’la: Beautiful

Verd’ika: Little warrior

Aranar: Defend

#expanding clan mudhorn #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female reader #din djarin imagine #din djarin #din djarin x you #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x female reader #the mandalorian x you #star wars #star wars fanfiction

[diazfox]

(A tentative guess about your BuckTommy vs Buddie post)

I guess a big part of it is because it's canon ? It's canon and it seems to work, and it seems to be make Buck calm and fluffy and happy in a healthy way, which is what a lot (all ?) of us want. So we can get behind that, for now.

Your "why not a similar support behind his exes / fetishizing MM relationship" question is valid and i think the difference is because it's the first time someone Buck dates seems to really fit with him without having something that we can pre-shot is going to be a problem, and the first time he goes into a relationship (getting myself ahead of things there) without it being to heal something in him ? And as I've read other people point out, Tommy's not silo-ed out, he has a backstory with the Begins episodes, he is friends with some of the 118, so it makes him less of a plot device than Buck's female exes.

And about the second part, the fetishizing part, i think sadly it's just a real thing that happens here, on tumblr and in fandom spaces : men are seen enjoying being together and fandom smooches them together together. One could even argue that it's the same for Buddie, wanting them to be together together when canon just factually says they are BFFs. I don't think anyone is erasing anything, but all that is canon about Buddie is that they are BFFs (a lot can be read as more that friends but ultimately it's with shipping goggles on, only - i'm not a very optimistic person, though).

I guess some of us think that if they didn't make Buddie happen for this long, then it may be because it is meant to stay on the fandom shipping side ? And we're given this incredible chance to have a canon lgbt character with an unusual story of self-discovery that doesn't happen a lot in tv shows so we're just enthusiastic to go with the flow ?

And if it turns out that the writers have the guts to get Eddie his own self-discovery journey, and if that later leads to Buddie happening somehow, then I think all BuckTommy shippers will be glad that it finally happened, and that it is canon, and is finally the Truth.

damn, thanks for your insight! i do see how things being canon and properly canon (like Tommy having a "backstory") can cause shifts in perspectives looking into the future.

i 100% understand why some might think buddie is a form of fetishization too. ngl i've seen strong arguments like "why can't 2 male characters share a strong emotional bond platonically? why does it have to lead to romance?" i guess my main reason for bringing up fetishization with respect to bucktommy is the fact that they are quite lacking in the "strong emotional bond" department. so it feels pretty much like "2 hot guys kissing and touching each other hell yeah" to me.

but i realise i'm overlooking the fact that this is bi buck's first relationship, though. i forgot to consider the fact that majority of this support for tommy comes from the fact that this is the first love interest of buck's to whom he can give all of himself and get twice as much with all the freedom in the world AS A BI MAN. thank u for putting me on to the fact that i've been misinterpreting this enthusiasm to some degree.

thats not to say that just bc something is canon or just a headcanon everything is set in stone. writers and actors themselves have made it very clear time and time again that audience reactions and engagement matters when it comes to plot development. in your own line of thought, right until 7x 03 they didn't make bi Buck happen for so long. so would u say it was meant to stay merely on the fandom shipping side? i just think the possibilities are endless, and maybe we as a fandom can try to have a bit more resilience to see through fan-originated storylines instead of a "i'll just go with whatever is canon bc it's easier" ethic.

#911 #911 on abc #evan buckley #buddie #911 abc #eddie diaz

[necessarymeanstoanend]

string the sinner by his wings. in his head, a brittle bone. (advice - alex g)

could not for the life of me think of a background so we’ve got this weird circle thing happening again.

this original piece was called “nosebleed” for this reason but i decided that i liked the other version better

without background and sketch

#if nigel were a planet what planet would he be? #the quote is just there because i think of nigel everytime i hear that lyric #really everytime i hear that song. which has been nonstop lately #his eyes look so dark in this scene #i’ve seen a couple of other people draw this one so i wanted to get more creative with it so nobody thought i was copying them- #-but it just wasn’t happening. no matter how hard i tried #the brain could not come up with anything interesting at all. and i gave it three days of this bitch sitting on my ipad before i gave up #but i changed the colors a bit and called it a day #this one is very obviously referenced so i’m not going to take FULL credit but i still spent almost six hours on it (5 hrs and 52 min) #it’s more fun to draw with references and it’s important for the learning stage so i’m just gonna take this slow and let myself have it #anyway #let me know when you guys get tired of seeing me strictly draw nigel #also thanks so so so much for the love guys. you are all so sweet and it means everything to me omg #murderous intent #like minds #like minds 2006 #nigel colbie #art #fanart #drawing #digital art #artist of tumblr #nigel colbie fanart #tom sturridge #like minds fanart #procreate

[ell-arts]

Excuse me, I hope Im not bothering you, but I have a couple questions on some of the things you would prefer when it comes to the fandom.

When it comes to dark or twisted au's that other writers create, would you prefer something more just a real 'what if' like 'An Interesting Arrangement' from @ribbondee ? Or would you dig deeper into something that would show more of a dark side to the characters like the 'Amnesia' segment from @cartooncadet666 ?

And of course the only other question I have right now (hence why I said a couple questions) When it comes to the art style diversity, what kinds of art have you seen the fandom make and if you have any favorites, which ones do you love the most?

Not bothering at all 💙

Interesting questions. I have to start off with saying that, ultimately, what I "prefer and not prefer" about the fandom should not be an indication of whether someone's work is good or not, nor should it bar the fandom from creating whatever they want. I have my own tastes and preferences just as much as the next person, and naturally we're all drawn to work that mostly aligns with our tastes/preferences.

Your first question is whether or not I would be more drawn towards an au exploring a character's dark side, or towards one with a 'what-if' scenario. My answer to that is that it depends on the content.

I like both dark au's and what-if au's, it just depends on how well they are written, and sometimes it also depends on the characters. I know this is going to break a lot of hearts, but since Betrayus is not my favourite character, I'd feel less inclined to check out a work centred completely around him in favour of checking out a work that features my favourite characters. This is not the be-all-end-all though, sometimes a work can pleasantly surprise me even if it doesn't have my favourite characters. It really all comes down to writing.

And as for your second question, hmm. A tricky one. I'd say that most of the fandom's art styles are generally cartoonish/2D stylised, but there's a wide swath of diversity within that category. If you show me a list of artworks in the fandom then I can easily point them out and name the artists behind them (at least on Tumblr), which is great because it shows that each artist has a recognisable style. I really don't like choosing favourites though, so I'd rather show you a list of pmatga artists whose styles I really enjoy, if that's okay!

@anti-cosmofangirl @inkteresting-art @ninjastar107 @pacgacha @breezoreceiver @toad-in-a-trenchcoat @xelys-xlys @ghostbunnyarts @famitendo @polina-quail @ask-nova-valentine @slumbergoblin

There are others, but these are the ones I can name on top of my head and who are generally still active (or actively posting pmatga art). I'm sure there are also a bunch of hidden gems out there that I've yet to stumble upon!

#ask #pmatga #pacman and the ghostly adventures #I want to re-iterate that these are just one person's preferences/opinions! #Just because you didn't make it on the list doesn't mean your art is bad or anything! #It's just a list of people who show up on my dash frequently and so they happen to be the ones I'm thinking about first #There's lots of good artists in the fandom #and lots of good fic-writers too! #Tumblr is just really tedious when it comes to finding them all #And I've really not been active on Tumblr recently to see people's stuff so that's another factor #so heads up: I'm still going to be relatively unresponsive for a while #I'll get to everyone's asks eventually I promise #My art/fics/responses to asks are REALLY slow at this time because of urgent stuff thats keeping me busy irl right now #so apologies if I've missed anything! #I'm tired man ;n;

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[obitohno]

(quite possibly) going to change my username when i come back from my hiatus >.<

#♡ jordy is thinking ♡ #this (semi) hiatus was unintended #mini story: #there’s been a lot of stress these past couple of weeks #an incident happened at home n the police were/are involved #we’ve had a lot of measures put into place to maintain our safety #but the last few weeks have had me paranoid n my anxiety has been up n down a lot #i had wanted to come back to tumblr much sooner but i feel like i’m all over the place rn #it doesn’t help that i’ve also had a lot of stress at work too #(bc our class teacher is making our work life hell) #n i just haven’t had the chance to catch a break #on the plus side #i’ve been going to the gym regularly #n i’m finally starting to see some changes #(n may have accidentally developed a crush on one of the guys who work there) #hhh #anyways #i think a new name is needed bc i don’t particularly feel anything towards this one anymore so i’ll try to think of something cute #i hope things will settle soon n i hope to be back to writing/posting at some point in the near future #missing everyone n i hope you’re all safe n doing well #<3

[myriadsystem]

.

#i cant do it i cant any more im worn out!! and i know i have no right to be! #ive been worn out for a long time. i know everyone has. i know i cant take a break from the internet because Palestine still needs coverage #and now with the *drama* happening on tumblr. i dont want to tag it i dont want o be delet but you know the one #feels fucked to even have to call it drama but im one blog. im one little blog and im gonna be devastated if i get got for speaking out #ive had one blog removed by an authority figure it was soul crushing and i only had that one for like 3 years #this is over a decade of my life. if its gone my soul goes with it so i cant risk speakin out in any way that matters or is too conspicuous #but its all just too much. i need to go grocery shopping and it feels hard and bad. i try to come to my one safe place on the internet #to give me courage but its just post after post about more bad news. i saw a photo of a group of soldiers smiling and laughing #about murdering diabled people and taking their walking aides. i know the captions were people saying how horrible those soldiers were #and the active participation in ending diabled lives those soldiers had to take those photos and im just. why was it posted at all #we know the worlds bad. we know. why are you giving these people more publicity. i dont want to see that sickening smile #i just cant any more. i cant deal with anything its all too much its too much on a personal note and its too much internet wide #but i cant complain about it because im not the one being actievly genocided or harrased and i also cant leave because the people who are #need as much support as they can get and i want to support. i want to help #idk idk im crying im stuck i just wanna be able to get groceries but everything real life and internet is too fucking much

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[boomerang109]

one thing that sucks about theatre is that it literally is built around people coming to see it so no matter how good a production is, if there wasn’t good advertisement beforehand, it isn’t nearly as satisfying

#also it extra sucks that i had like 3-4 irls who said they were gonna come and they just didnt #and im not mad or anything. its spring break and also life happens and everything #but it just sucks to work so fucking hard on a production and barely have any audience #and even the audience thats here like. isnt people i know/care about #shout out to my one friend who DID come though and after giving me a tiny gift was like ‘okay i have to run my flight is like in four hours #I need to sleep’ THAT is more dedication than I would’ve given personally #but yeah to my irl who follows me if you see this I promise this isnt @ you #i just use tumblr like a diary #(but I gotta say I reaaaaally hope you don’t see this lmao) #but also i kept being like ‘okay i just need to hold out i KNOW this one specific irl is coming’ and they didnt :(( #and i cant even be upset cause theyre chronically ill and they were doing big things the rest of the weekend so I bet they were having #a flare today. AND they’re gonna take me to get blood drawn tmrw which is like. the biggest favor in the world #so like expecting them to come see a two and a half war play on top of that is excessive #but I just. I was really proud of this show and I am sad i didnt get to share it with any of my friends yknow? #(AND i wanted to be able to talk to people and then to the actors be like yeah this is my friend—- AND I COULDNT) #also my roommate literally told me last night she was coming and i don’t think she’s here #but im pretty sure she’s hungover so im not too surprised lmao #anywayyyy im just complaining its fine im excited to get HIGH and play viddy games tonight

[castielmacleod]

Fics I will never write: IT GETS BETTER

Set in a canon divergent season 11, It Gets Better is a short fic exploring the abusive relationship between Cas and Dean, from Cas’ perspective. Traumatised from being nearly killed by the man he loves, struggling with agoraphobia, anxiety attacks, and depression, a broken-winged angel contemplates what it is he wants so he can decide if this is working or not. Character study with themes of trauma, self-worth, unrequited love, the paralysing effects of being trapped in an abusive relationship, and healing.

#Fics I will never write #Safeantidestiel #My posts #Not that I’m obligated to spill my guts on tunglr dot com but this would be coming from a place of authenticity. #If I could write it in the first place that is #This would be very depressing but it ends with Cas learning to play piano as an outlet #The scene is very clear in my head. Cas finally works up the courage to venture outside the bunker and ends up at this little pub #that has a piano and he goes and sits at it and finds a tune he likes #The pub is mostly empty except for the bartender really. And she comes over to talk to him because she plays piano too #And Cas says he’s actually never played before but *some ridiculous angel thing about music and notes and math* that let him figure it out #And it goes over the bartender’s head but she ends up teaching him the heart & soul duet and they play it together #Then she closes up the bar and tells him goodbye and to keep well and he stands there outside the door until she’s out of sight and then #breaks down crying. #And anyway some more things happen and then one day when Dean is out hunting Cas decides to leave the bunker for good #I am putting this in my fics I’ll never write series but I actually could see myself pushing to write this one. It’s meant to be short #Like not multi chapter or anything. And I need to get some of this shite off my chest anyway #Like I need to put how their relationship makes me feel into words beyond ranting tumblr posts you know #<— Cas and Dean’s relationship I mean #Tw abuse

[scuopsie]

Does anyone else feel… bored? Not even necessary on tumblr. But in mbb verse or kpop in general.

Like… monsta x are on tour and i feel like we have so little content (especially here on tumblr)? Which doesn’t make sense.

#this is more of a rant than a complaint #and definitely not a complaint at update accounts. thats not what this is about #like sure we’re getting fancams every stop but thats not all concerts were about #i mean… I remember from my previous experiences when my ults would tour aside from getting the usual fancams #we’d be getting so many interaction vids going viral #and ments #ments were so huge…. they were usually different at every concert and after every shown we had to wait for them to get translated #(ofc this isnt the case here bc mx are touring the us and they either speak eng or they have a live translator) #but i feel like im barely seeing anything new every stop #idk if they’re not happening or they are but just not going viral #like… sure there are a lot of clips on twt but i fucking hate consuming shit there #and no one reposts stuff on tumblr anymore #Ame is inactive and im clearly not doing it #and i know these clips arent something update accs usually repost #like does anyone else remember having 3-4 different angles of an interaction or an incident that everyone would talk abt for days? #like i cant tell if im growing out of mx/kpop or is it just genuinely not as fun as it used to be #i dont even make sense to me so if anyone else feels remotely the same please come forward im going insane ldfkkdkd #niki screaming into the void #another thing #weren’t a lot of these old hilarious vlives that we talk abt to this day from tour eras? #like them just doing group vlives in their hotel rooms and doing/saying dumb shit? #what a situation bro? prank call? minhyuk and jooheon’s secret bonding experience? #im pretty sure all of this happened in hotel rooms #AND SO MANY MORE

[medicinemane]

Anyway, all the fucking magic books and astrology books, and just... all the fucking books like that, all the tarot decks, all the shit she wasted money on that was gonna solve everything... that's why I don't really believe in much of anything

Like I don't care about magic and I don't care about whatever god because all I know is there's shit that needs doing and the only way I can be sure it'll get done is if I work to do it

I'm not saying anything is or isn't real, I don't have access to that data. I'm not saying I don't get pretty damn lucky sometimes, and that maybe that isn't... me being unintentional sorcerer supreme or whatever, or it being part of some vast eternal plan for me to get this house for instance... what I'm saying is I needed to take steps

You can wait for stuff to work itself out, you can use "The Secret" (ie new age prosperity gospel), or you can start working on making things happen as best you can

This isn't a bunch of "hard work blah blah blah" rhetoric either, cause let me tell you some people bust their backs till they die and don't get shit, the world isn't fair and it isn't a meritocracy no matter how much we might like that

No, all I'm saying is that... ok, first I'm saying do what you like, this stuff isn't wrong unless you start being an ass to people. Pray, cast spells, do what you like. I'm not telling you any of it isn't real, I'm telling you why I can never subscribe to any of it... cause I've seen where depending on it over everything else gets you

Believe what you want, try and influence things how you want, but then get ready to try and figure out the next practical step to make it happen (which... sometimes doesn't exist)

Most of all though, if you want to see someone helped you better be ready to get down in the mud with them or accept they may never be helped. We can't fix everything, but...

You know that joke about the guy where there's a flood coming and people keep offering him a spot in their car or boat or whatever, and he says no god will save me, drowns, and asks god why he didn't save him only to be told "who do you think sent all those people?"

I'm saying the inverse here, I'm saying you gotta assume that if you don't offer someone a spot in your boat there's no other help coming

I don't know... just some thoughts on shit

#going through boxes isn't exactly great for my mental health #remembering the past is the last thing I should ever do #like I literally with no exaggeration repress so many memories and it wouldn't work if I didn't #remember the last time I did remember a bunch of shit; 99% of you didn't see it #but one person on here happens to have a message box full of me out of my mind that night just train of thought typing #fucken told em if they could kindly save a copy of that so I can hand that to a therapist without having to remember that shit again #even as we speak I'm repressing the shit that comes up #so yeah... going through boxes isn't great for me cause I 100% should never remember anything more recent than like... #whenever I made my tumblr blog at the earliest #and really there's like 5 people on here and if you figure out who I met earliest we can make that my cut off date #seriously don't need to remember anything before certain people

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

#November 5th #november 5 2020 #the fifth of november #just a random ramble #November 5th 2020 is such an important day to me #it really is a holiday #but it does confuse me when I see people analyzing it primarily as a supernatural thing #instead of a ‘hysteria over an election reaches a breaking point when inane zero stakes fandom news comes out and we all latch onto it’thing #but yeah!! #this is my personal essay out of love for the holiday

[seventh-district]

my sincerest apologies to anyone who’s messages, comments, etc. that i haven’t replied to yet. i’m just so terribly stressed and busy irl that i’ve barely even been online at all for the past week and at this point i can’t make any promises about when i can update things or reply to things but just. know that i’m trying my absolute best and lowkey running myself into the ground over here and i know it’s probably not obvious and it sounds like an excuse cause i don’t seem like a busy person but there’s a lot of things that happen in my life that i can’t/don’t/shouldn’t/won’t talk about and i really am just. so overwhelmed from it all that i can’t have the consistent online presence i’d like to have. i’m sorry.

i will get back to any comments or messages on all my various platforms as soon as i can. i promise. i just don’t know when “soon” is at this point.

#Seven.txt #cw vent post #this little announcement also applies to more than the last week. it’s really for anyone i’ve ever left without a response anywhere #at any time. and also for any time it happens again in the future because this is an ongoing problem of mine. #so yeah. i know there are some people that hate me and think i’m a bad person because i oftentimes don’t have the energy/spoons to stay #consistent when it comes to like. literally anything. wether it be writing projects or conversations or any kind of commitment and. yeah. #that probably does make me a bad person. i’ve accepted that i’m not a good person a long time ago at this point. not because i enjoy it but #because i can’t outrun my nature and i guess that’s just the way i am. constantly overwhelmed and unable to maintain consistency #and that’s. bad. when you’re trying to be a good person and be there for people consistently. i just. guess that i’m not one of those people #that can do that. but i’m trying to be. believe it or not i really am trying to be a good person and a good friend. and it’s way harder than #it should be. not because of other people but just because of the way i am. i wish i were different and i’m really sorry that i’m not #okay. anyways. enough rambling. i can barely think straight today but i made myself sit down and focus long enough to write this #because the guilt is eating me alive ahaha #so to anyone that’s been waiting on a response from me for literally anything for however long it’s been. i’m sorry. #you don’t have to believe me because i know words mean nothing when your actions don’t back it up. but i really do plan on responding to #every single one of you eventually. no matter how long it’s been. i just. haven’t been able to yet. #anyways this is lowkey pointless cause hardly anyone follows or checks my personal tumblr but i don’t have it in me to post this elsewhere #so hopefully the people that need to see this will see it. now or sometime in the future. #okay. i feel very nauseous rn so i’m gonna go try to calm down from the terrible morning i’ve had and maybe eat something to settle my tummy #hopefully tomorrow will be easier cause i could use a fucking break lmao #sighs. i am just. not cut out for caregiving. i can hardly even take care of myself! like. how the fuck am i supposed to be a caregiver for #other people when i literally need one myself??? i am not cut out for this responsibility!!! but there’s no one left but me!!! #so i shall continue to suck it up and do it until things get easier or i simply collapse from the weight of too much responsibility #also my stress is making my OCD even harder to handle so that’s just great. that’s exactly what i need is for every single aspect of my life #to be made ridiculously harder by constant irresistible compulsions! #okay i am shutting up now. this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post but i always gotta make everything about me i guess #today’s weather report is uhhhh… Routine Maintenance by Aaron West and The Roaring Twenties #i had no clue when i first heard that song however many years ago that one day it’d describe my life but. here we are

[ao3commentoftheday]

my biggest obstacle as a writer is that i desperately want to be a popular and well-known fic author, but my main fic inspiration comes from characters most fans don’t want to read fic for, or ideas that go against popular fanon/characterization and so are doomed from the start. i end up feeling paralyzed and like i can’t write the unpopular ideas I want to write, because i hate knowing i could have done better by writing something with broader appeal. but whenever i try to write solely for numbers i lose motivation while the halfway through the fic. so i end up unable to write anything and feeling miserable because of it.

i want to see my unpopular ideas come to life, but i don’t want to see my fics crash and burn and keep missing the chance to create fic that people really love. so most times, i don’t write anything, but i hate that i’m so hamstrung by my own anxieties. i so desperately wish i could create one of those extremely well-known long fics that most people love and always rec everywhere, but i feel like i’m completely incapable of that. i know i should be writing for myself, but i’m greedy and want results and for people to like my fic, however unlikely that is. wanting to write my ideas but knowing i’ll limit my audience if i do is something that’s constantly on my mind. do you have any advice for me?

My biggest question after reading your ask is simply: why?

You're very clear about wanting to be a popular writer. You want to write a fic that lots of people talk about, and you want people to know who you are. Have you examined that desire at all?

You say that the things you actually want to write are not the things that will make you a popular author. That means you have a choice:

write things you don't care about with no guarantee of becoming that Big Name Fan or

write things you love and enjoy spending time writing and know that BNF status will probably never happen.

Writing fanfic is really not a great way to try to become popular. It's an even worse way to try to become "famous" in any kind of way. So dig into what it is that you hope to get from the "broader audience" that you could appeal to by writing something you don't really like.

Are you trying to get a feeling of being liked? Respected? Looked up to? Do you want to be someone other fans look to for advice or for setting the tone of the fandom? Do you want love? Power? Some kind of community connection? Recognition of the effort you put into your works?

Some of those things likely will require you to pretend to be someone you're not. You might even manage to write that one big fic that gets thousands of comments and tons of people talking about it on tumblr (or wherever else you care about, social media-wise).

Others you can probably still get by writing your "unpopular" ideas but seeking out your fellow fans. It will take more legwork to find them and you'll need to be willing to be the first one to reach out for a conversation, but it can definitely be done.

I'll leave it up to you to decide what you actually want, anon. But take your time and scrape off the top layer of shiny thoughts about popularity first. Then you'll be able to see what's underneath.

#asks and answers