#i cant wait for this semester to end so i can go back to my fishes

[s0dium]

Teachers pet

Professor!Toji x Student!Reader

A/n: This is for @sanoinc collab (sorry if im early)! Hope you guys enjoy. Also if you're a writer and want to be moots, drop by my inbox!

Synopsis: In which you have a deep infatuation with your professor Toji Fushiguro

Warnings: Inappropriate relationship, unprotected sex, rushed sex, pet names, age difference, masturbation, (reader is 18-21 and Toji is in his early/middle thirties) semi public sex, choking, riding, dry humping, spitting, squirting, cum eating

Toji Fushiguro was what all the girls of the campus would talk about and if you were lucky enough to be able to take his class, then you'd understand why.

Its because Toji Fushiguro was an enigma in the most alluring and fascinating of ways.

Everything about him exuded attractiveness and charsima. From how he spoke with conviction in each of his lectures to just how infuriatingly handsome he was, it was almost impossible for you not to slip a hand under your panties to the thought of him on top of you at night.

You swear that every time you lock eyes with his green ones as you sit in the lecture room, your heart stops. And when he says your name, god when he says your name, you wonder if that’s what herion feels like.

You know it’s wrong. You know it’s wrong that you’re spending more time on your appearance before a class, wearing shorter skirts and tighter t shirts in hopes he’d spend a just a second longer looking at you. Or how you sweetly smile at him with glossed lips just to see the scar on his lip move as he smiles back. And you know it’s wrong when you watch the muscles underneath his tightly fitted polo shirt move and you just can’t help but your your thighs together in neediness.

And you know it’s just puppy love. You’ve taken a few psychology classes before so you know it probably has something to do with daddy issues or what ever. But even as you stand in his office you can’t help but let your eyes wander to just how big his hands. And you cant help but wonder how they will feel inside of you.

“Y/n are you listening?”

Tojis stern voice snaps you back and you quickly compose youself.

"Yes, sorry Mr.Fushiguro." You respond as you clear your throat.

Toji raises an eye brow before readjusting in the seat behind a wooden desk and slightly leaning over the surface.

"Miss l/n" His voice lowers and you cant help but shiver "Over the course of this year you have proven to be an exceptionally bright young lady, one of my best students. So why," He reaches for something in the desk draw and pulls out a few papers. "Have you been failing these final tests, just weeks before the semester ends?"

You glance at the tests and gulp, keeping your mouth closed and lips pursed resulting in Toji to let out a sigh.

"Y/n, you know if you continue on this path, you will have to retake this class."

You slowly nod.

"And the remedial class wont be taught by me."

You're face fell upon hearing those words.

"Wait what?" You stammer. "I-I thought, thats not why I-, wait no why didnt anyone tell me I-" You cut your self off when you find your self looking at a wolfish smirk spread across Toji's face.

"So I'm the reason why you're failing." He says slyly and your face immediately erupts into a bright red hue.

"NO! No its not like-well it is but, NO no-"

"Y/n come here."

He cuts your blubbering off by motioning for you to come around the desk toward him. You comply, keeping your eyes glued to the floor as you approach him, playing with the ends of your skirt.

"Y/n."

You dont look up, continuing to play with your skirt with your hands.

"Y/n look at me."

You look up not only when you hear the command but when he grabs one of your hands and holds it in his own.

"Why do you want me to be your proffesor that badly? Its not like im going any where you can always drop by my office to say hello."

You harshly bite your lips at his words and furiously shake your head.

"No Mr.Fushiguro, I cant- its because....."

You can hear your heart beat in your ears and your throat seems to be closing up. You're not even aware that the words are slipping past your lips until you hear your self.

"It's because I like you." Your voice comes out as a meer whisper and you have to bite back the tears that threaten to spill from your face.

"What was that?"

"ITS BECAUSE I LIKE YOU!" You practically yell. "I've liked you seen I first saw you and I cant stop thinking about you Mr.Fushiguro you're all I think about day and night and I know its wrong, I'll get over it but," It was too late, there was no going back now, adrenaline rushed through your veins as you spilled every thought that coursed through you're mind. "I cant help it! You're the reason why I spend so much time getting ready in the morning or why I stay after class to help clean up. So please cut me off now before I say anything more because-"

Sure you asked him to cut you off, but what you dont expect is it to be done by him pulling you down by your hand for a kiss.

It takes you so by surprise that you dont even react for a few seconds, until something clicks in your brain and you immediatly start to reciprocate the kiss.

Its messy, spit smearing on either side of your lips as you both hungrily make out with each other. You let out a soft whine when he brings a hand to the small of your back and guides you ontop of his lap so you're fully straddling him in his chair. You thread a hand through his dark hair in an attempt to bring him impossibly closer to you, so you can taste even more of him warm mouth then you already have.

As you separate for air, a string of spit connects your tongues.

"I've been thinking about you too y/n." Toji says under his breath before diving into another kiss.

You let out a yelp when two of his hands grab either side of your hips and start to grind your cunt onto his hardened buldge underneath his pants. The stimulation to your clit has you whining but its not enough, so you reach down underneath your skirt to move your white panties from your sticky cunt to the side, revealing your bare cunt.

"Oh shi-" You gasp when you feel the friction on your clit and immediately bury your nose into the crook of Tojis neck making him chuckle. It was the type of scent you could breath in over and over again, the type that made your cunt squeeze around nothing and your gut twist. You dont even notice that he's unbluckling his belt and undowing his pants until you feel him reach under and pull out his dick.

You're eyes go wide when you're met with the sight of his angry red tip that was leaking milky white fluids from the slit. It was big, your imagination did no justice to Toji's size. Your mouth goes dry and another wave of arousal washes over you.

"W-will it fit?"

Toji lets out a snort and you notice the glint in his green eyes, how he seems a little more wild, unhinged.

"I'll make it, come on we don't got much time."

Toji guides your hips up so your hole is aligned with his weeping tip. Your about to slowly lower your self onto him when Toji grabs either side of your hips and slams you down onto his dick. A guttural moan escapes from your mouth as the absolute wind is knocked out of you.

Dull pleasure and pain clouds your brain from how the tip of Toji's dick smushes against your cervix and you cant help but let your eyes roll to the back of your head. This feels like a culmination of all your desires, everything you've been dreaming about for the past year, it was all so overwhelming.

"Come talk to me y/n." Its taking every last bit of Toji's self restraint to keep himself still inside you, to check if you're ok before he cant hold back anymore. You felt better than he expected, his fist was nothing compared to the warmth of your wet walls gripping his dick.

 “S’fine,” you manage slur out, “M’fine, just feels so good.” 

At those words, Toji grabs your ass, the fat of your skin filling the creases of his fingers like dough, and begins to lift you up and down the length of his dick. He is slow at first, letting you get use to his size before you start to take lead; using the strength of your thighs to lift yourself up and down.

"Yeah thats it," Toji hums, moving his hands to lift up your t shirt, cursing under his breath when he see's your not wearing a bra.

You alternate between grinding on him and bouncing up and down and Toji latches his mouth onto one of your bouncing nipples and moans into your skin.

Only seconds later fatigue starts to hit you and your arms and legs begin to tremble. You let out a whine and Toji catches on.

"I got you baby." Toji grabs ahold of the underside of your ass and thrusts up in out of you at a frightening speed.

The pap pap pap of his hips against your fill the room and the chair shakes with every movement. You're both a sweaty moaning mess as you fucked each other in carnal desire; lips frantically attaching to each other in a wet mess and breathing ragged, fast and sometimes slow.

“You’re so warm.” he murmurs into your ear. "Cant get enough of this cunt." Toji chuckles, lowering his head and letting a glob of spit land right on your pulsating clit. The thicker liquid covered it completely, as he pressed his groin on it, making sure that the stimulation of it now is unbearable.

The burning pit of desire in your stomach was causing you to feel something weird, something different.

"Ah, m'feel weird T-t-toji, m'feel different."

"Oh you gonna cum? Better do so soon before class starts."

You dumbly nod at his words grabbing the cloth of his polo shirt for dear life.

Feverishly, your pussy tightens around his cock, your mouth opens but no sounds come out of it. His hands that were holding your legs could feel the apparent shaking while he watched you struggle to contain yourself with the burst of liquid from your entrance.Your orgasms runs through your body like a lighting, igniting every single nerve just to come crashing into you in a wave of relief.

Toji works you through you're orgasm until his hip stuttering as he buries himself deep and comes so hard he's seeing white.

"Oh fuh-" He gasps, eyes fluttering and lips slightly parting, and you swear to god its one of the most beautiful sights you've seen. You whined at the feeling of warm seed filling you up to the brim and you unintentionally, probably instinctually, squeezed around him, drawing more out. Without thinking you reached down where some dripped down at the base and brought the liquid to you're mouth; licking you're fingers clean and savoring the salty taste.

"Shit, you're really a piece of work Y/n."

#toji smut #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk smut #sukuna smut #toji x reader smut #jjk toji #toji x y/n #toji x you #toji drabbles #toji fushiguro #toji thirst

[equallyshaw]

home | luke hughes ↠ warnings: a few swear words! alludes to sex and just a broken heart. ↠ word count: 2.8k ↠ part two?

blair and luke met their freshman year at michigan, when blair had come over from scotland for her bachelors in art history. the two met in a gen ed writing course, and had sat with each other on the first day. as the course went on, luke realized he needed some help so he enlisted her and in return, luke taught her all about hockey. after some witty jokes and sarcastic banter, she agreed to learn about the very thing that kept luke going - through everything. and through it all, they fell for each other. and fell for each other hard.

°

after two years at michigan, luke had made his way over to jersey which made blair feel expectedly bittersweet about it. she was losing her best best friend for good at michigan during a time of uncertainty about her own future at michigan. when she returned to the states for her second year, she had difficulty readjusting. sure, her friends were still there as well as her roommate, and ofcourse luke. but things felt different. and then the possibility of luke leaving after the season, made things even more uneasy for her. the dark-haired girl had an inkling, that it too would be her last there. the fall semester was especially rough, with constant homesickness weaving in and out of her life. luke had been a godsend, as well as his parents; always inviting her over for meals or just to hang out. but it wasn't enough at the end of the day, especially as she missed out on seeing her grandmother before she passed. after she came back for the spring semester, she had made her decision. this would be her last, but as the season began to get more chaotic; her chance to tell him never came. and then luke made his debut in jersey, she did not have the heart to tell him after the game when his parents flew her out.

and as luck would have it, she would tell him when he came out to visit her.

luke arrived in the city of edniburgh around july 19th, and luke felt like he had never been happy to see somebody in his entire life. he quickly wrapped his arms around the brunette, twirling her around just a bit. he set her down, arms still hooked around her and looked down into her green eyes. "hi pretty girl." he whispered before kissing her. his hands found their way towards her pale cheeks, as hers found his wrists. "welcome moosey." she hummed, as they parted. she then took his hand in hers after he swatted her hand away from his suitcase, and the two walked out towards the parking lot. she opened up the trunk of the audi and he lifted it with ease. she rounded her way to the driver's side, and quickly turned it on. "coffee?" she mused, looking over at him a small smirk. "coffee." he responded, and she quickly pulled out of the spot and the two were on their way towards the heart of the city.

the two grabbed their coffee's before walking around the historical part of the downtown, catching up with one another since they had seen each other last. "i think tomorrow we can head over to my uncle's vacation home in roslin, which isn't too far from here. and we can have some quiet time together." she said with a soft smile as the two got back into the car. he looked over and then leaned over before pausing a few inches near her face, "cant wait." he hummed gazing at her rosy lips, before connecting for a kiss. her hand distinctly found the back of his head, pulling him closer and eliciting a soft moan from the hockey player. she pulled back by a few inches, looking into his hazel eyes, "god I've missed you." she hummed before reconnecting their lips together.

°

the two found their way back to her parents house, and her parents were ready to greet the 6 foot boy, as they shut the car doors. "so good to meet you me darlin." her mom gushed, pulling him in for a hug as her dad took his suitcase from blair. "good to meet you son." her dad said shaking luke's outstretched hand, "good to meet the both of you. have heard so many wonderful things about you both." he said sweetly, as blair walked into the house in front of them. "oh we've heard so much about you boy!" her mom gushed again, causing blair to roll her eyes. "do you like tea? we were just about to put the kettle on." her mom said with inquisitive eyes, and luke peered at blair who smirked in response. "sure! i may need a lot of sugar and cream." luke mused, causing her mom to giggle. "oh not a problem! just how blair takes it." her mom said making her way past them and towards the kitchen. "let's get you situated upstairs, and then we will be back down." blair said pulling him towards the stairs. "ten minutes!" her mom screamed from the kitchen, making blair and her dad chuckle.

luke and blair headed upstairs, and showed him the extra bedroom. "here you go." she said and luke walked in behind her, shutting the door softly. he nodded as she sat down at the door of the bed, and luke found his way between her legs. he placed his hands on her pale cheeks and brushed his thumbs against her soft skin.

god, she was going to miss these moments.

he leaned down and kissed her softly, which turned passionate quickly. he slowly pushed her back into the bed, and hooked their legs together before they pulled away from one another. "as much as i'd love to continue this...i also don't want my parents to walk in." she whispered, and he chuckled laying down on top of the girl. his head rested on her chest, as they took in each other's familiar warmth that they had missed for the past two months. it felt like home, for the both of them. her fingers absentmindedly found themselves, pulling at luke's curls softly; not wanting to break them or pull them apart. the two heard her parents downstairs, sarcastically bickering with each other and luke picked his head up; "now i know where you got your sarcastic humor from." he teased causing her to blush, as he kissed the spot right between her chest, right above her ribcage. the exact place that made her body flood with heat and butterflies. "don't worry luke...two nights without anybody in 5 miles...will be heaven." she hummed as he kissed that exact spot a few more times. he groaned, plopping his face, face first into her chest again. she chuckled, and they laid there for a few more minutes before they heard her mom from the foot of the steps, calling for them.

"lets go big baby." she said trying to move, but he held on tighter. "come on giraffe, we gotta go." she teased, and he groaned again but began to move off of her. he placed one last peck on her lips before pulling her up by the hands, and in front of him. the two walked downstairs and headed towards the back living room that was used for tea. blair quickly sat down on the white plush couch, with luke right beside her. she pulled her legs to her chest, before reaching over and plucking a few sugar cubes and poured cream in it. she pulled it up to her lips and blew on it, as her parents began to ask luke about his family, and how their offseason was doing. "yeah as soon as you made your debut, we brought a sports package - probably illegally - to watch the playoffs." her dad said feeling so proud of himself, and that made luke's heart swell. "we don't know anything about the sport or how it works, but we've enjoyed getting into it. we also plan to watch a new york team or both. but from what blair said, you guys are rivals with the rangers?" her dad questioned and luke nodded. "that's what I've been told at least. it was pretty heated during our run. but yeah." he said shrugging. the three of them continued to talk about his schooling and his futures for his degree, and what not. "oh yeah in addition to my mom telling me i needed to finish, miss blair over here has been relentless about it too." and blaire snickered. "lest we forget." she said before snapping her fingers, and he nodded. "her and my mom both have given me the lecture on how fast things can change and they are right. i plan to take the minimum amount of credits this season. thankfully all my classes have online options." he said and her mom nodded. her dad gaze found his daughters, and he gave her a smile before lifting his tea cup towards her a bit.

"speaking of which, im super happy the university of glaslow also has online options. that means it'll be easier to go visit him." her mom said sweetly, and blair felt her heart plummet. luke looked over at her with a confused look, "wait what?" he questioned. her mom looked between the two before looking at her husband, who was looking away towards the sliding french doors. "what..?" he questioned, and finally blair looked towards him. she licked her lips before speaking, "it is true. im staying here, im staying home." she said and it felt like a blade had been lodged within luke's heart. "you know what? your father and i planned to run to the shop's today, we'll will be back soon!" blairs mom announced, pulling her husband up from the chair and out the room, and once they heard the front door close- luke let out a breath, he did not realize he had been holding in.

"what?" he asked again, but this time his voice gave out. tears pooled both of their eyes, as realization was settling in. and now that blair was not responding, luke's heart really began to break. "when?" he asked looking at the floor now, "when did you decide this? when blair, tell me now!" he said heatedly and cursed himself for his budding anger. she shook her head, wiping away a few tears. "blair baby, please..." he asked softly before grabbing ahold of her hand softly. she shook her head, before breaking down into a sob. he instinctively brought her body to his, wrapping his arms around her shaking figure. "im so-sorry lukey, i wanted to tell you i really did i just didn't know how and then you left - and i uh-" she paused to let out a strangled sob as she began to shake. this is what she'd fear would happen if she hadn't picked the right moment. luke placed a kiss to her shoulder, trying to calm her down a bit. "i was struggling so badly luke..like hell, i missed saying bye to my grandma and i hate that i couldn't be here. i hate myself for choosing a university over 3,000 goddamn miles. i hate that i wasn't here when my mom was simply losing it, because frankly, i was too. and i needed her and wanted her and i was there!" she said, making it sound as if she regretted meeting him too. she sniffled, "i was so fucking depressed last year lukey...i couldn't bring myself to show you last year. i couldn't distract you or have made you worried last year. i couldn't." she whispered, and that made his heart break even more.

he let out a loud breath, "did you regret meeting me? regret us?" he asked as loose tears fell from his eyes. she shook her head and looked up at him, pulling his face to her's. she pressed their foreheads together, "i have never and will never regret you luke. ever. i promise." she said looking into his eyes before pulling him in for a deep kiss. her hands rested on his cheeks, as they pulled away. "so you've decided then?" he whispered, hating that he was asking this. something he thought he'd never ask. she nodded, frowning. she pulled away, wiping her nose, and chuckled softly. he felt a smile growing and shook his head, that little chuckle she did always put a smile on his face.

she licked her lips as she stood up, and then looked back down towards luke. "how about we head to my uncles earlier? we can sort everything out there." she said and he nodded, and she held out a hand for him and he gladly took it.

his flight back to detroit was scheduled for the next morning, and after eating some thai food they found themselves wrapped in each other's arm before bed. she turned towards luke and kissed him passionately, to which luke recriproacted. his arms found her lower back as he pulled her on his lap, having her staddle him. she pulled her hair to one side before taking off her t-shirt. she leaned back into luke and pulled him up in a sitting position, pulling his shirt off now. he sucked that spot in between her chest, causing her to moan quietly. her body became inflamed, as he continued to kiss around her chest before his lips found her neck. as he continued to assault her neck, she sighed heavily. "luke..." she trailed off and he quickly found her gaze. "make love to me one more time, please." she begged and luke didn't need to be told twice.

°

the next morning luke woke up to an empty bed, and sighed. the anxiety in his chest seized, when he heard footsteps on the stairs and then he saw an exhausted blair walk through the door with two coffees and two breakfast sandwiches. "sorry, i popped down the street a bit ago." she said sitting up in bed and handing him his share. he nodded, taking it and sitting up. "i placed an uber for you to be picked up in about an hour and 20 minutes." she said sipping her coffee a bit more. luke sighed, "you didn't have to do that." he said giving her a knowing look. she shook her head, "least i could do for breaking your heart within 2 hours of you being here...and having to go back today." she said shrugging, and he took a bit of his sandwich before he said anything he'd regret later. "my parents send their well wishes...they feel rotten about everything and how it transpired." she said guiltily. he nodded, "your parents are lovely, you are the perfect mix of them." he hummed and she smiled. "yeah." was all was said for awhile. as the uber app notified her that the car was on it's way, the two found themselves at the front door, saying their goodbyes.

the two stared at one another, not sure what to say for a few minutes before luke pulled her in for a hug. she melted into his hold, savoring what felt like home. or what once was, home. "thankyou luke for our two years. ill forever be grateful for our time together." she whispered, and he pulled her in tighter. "can you promise me one thing?" he asked softly, "anything." she responded quickly. "promise me that if you find yourself back in the states, you'll reach out? promise me you'll say something and not from social media." he said pulling back just a bit to embrace the brunette. she nodded profusely, "i promise." she said feeling herself beginning to cry. he wiped away the tears, and her eyebrows crinkled. "do you...do you think we'll find each other again?" she asked softly and he smiled softly. "absolutely." he responded before bringing her in for one last kiss. her phone dinged, letting them know that the uber was here. she pulled away too quickly for the boys liking, but allowed her to roll the suitcase towards the awaiting vehicle, and allowed the uber driver to take it from her.

she turned it back towards luke, and pushed a few curls away from his eyesight. "have a safe flight and good luck with the upcoming season." she said and he nodded, "and good luck in glasglow." and now it was her turn to nod. she pulled him in for one more hug, and her hand found the base of his head and threaded her fingers in his curls.

oh how she'd miss them.

"tell everybody ill miss them and tell your brothers i wish them well this upcoming season." she whispered before pulling away. luke nodded, "i promise." he responded before hopping into the vehicle. she stood there as it made it's way back into town and towards the airport. as she turned to go inside her phone dinged, and she saw that a deposit had been transferred to her account. tears swelled in her eyes as she saw a greater amount, well above the uber ride and a note that read, "when you need a way home."

im so sorry, but i would love to write a second part to this ngl

random tags: @toasttt11 @cuttergauthier @bedsyandco @jackhues @lukehughes43 @hockeyboysarehot @heavenlyhischier @mirrorballhughes

#luke hughes #luke hughes x oc #Luke hughes blurb #luke hughes imagine #new jersey devils #umich hockey #equallyshaw masterlist #nhl #hockey #nhl blurb #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #hockey blurb

[cupid-styles]

omg ok so blurb idea for ginger ale bc u said u needed inspo

i know u kinda already touched up on this in the main story but what if mias like completely drained from school like its exam season and she has to study but shes also somehow failing classes even tho she studied and is swamped with work but cant get up to do anything bc shes panicking and stuff and idk maybe she pushes him away bc shes freaked out and hes like huh bc she never snaps at him like that bla bla and then some angst and fluff and comfort 😭

im so sorry this wasnt supposed to be that long but inspiration struck😭💀obviously u dont have to write it jus a suggestion

omg LOVE THIS!!!!! here's a little something for you :))

word count: 1.7k

content warnings: angst (all is solved in the end), harry being a dummy, age gap romance (8 years)

based on this one-shot!

masterlist | talk to me

. . .

Harry has never seen Mia so exhausted before.

Granted, they've only been officially dating for a few months, but she's typically a relatively organized student. It's something that he's always admired about her — he can think back to his days in university and immediately remembers scattered deadlines and far too many hungover mornings, resulting in constantly missing classes.

Then again, he's never seen her during finals season, and it's apparent that she's feeling the impact of papers, exams, and one too many late nights spent studying.

Because of the nature of their lives, finding time to spend with one another without work or school is often difficult. It's important to Harry that they actively set aside an evening or two each week that's just for them. No discussion of board meetings, lectures, or any stressors — he likes to keep it simple with a delicious and filling meal, a movie on the TV (whether or not they watch it is a separate factor), and his girl nestled into his side.

But for the first time ever, Mia's texting him to cancel.

Under any other ordinary circumstance, he'd be more understanding. Truly. But it's been almost a week since he's seen her, and he's feeling... well, needy. He misses her! And he knows that distance is good, blah blah blah, but this is their time — and it feels like she's just brushing him off, as if he barely matters.

It's why he ends up calling her on his way home from work with Reese driving smoothly and calmly up in the front. Harry drums his fingers against his knee as he listens to the dial tone, a frown on his lips as he waits for her to answer.

"Hello?"

Relief washes over his chest despite her anxiety-ridden tone. "Hey, I'm heading home from work. Do you want me to have Reese come pick you up?"

She sighs frustratedly, "Harry, I just texted you that I can't come over tonight. I have to study."

"You can't give up a few hours to spend with your boyfriend?" he fires back, an accusatory edge to his voice, "I've barely seen you lately."

"You've been in school before, H, you know how stressful exams season is. I need to do well."

"Mi, you're the smartest person I know, you'll be fine if you take some time away from—"

"I won't be, actually," she suddenly snaps. "I'm already failing one of my most important classes and if I don't get at least a B+ on the final, I'll have to retake it next semester. So no, I can't just slack off for a few hours, I need to study, Harry."

Immediately, he pauses. Mia has never gotten angry with him before, vice versa. And he doesn't think he's being particularly unreasonable — if anything, he feels she is — but he's mature enough to know that nothing's getting solved in this conversation. Not when she's clearly tired and stressed. Instead, he opts for the more caring-boyfriend-approach.

"I didn't know you were failing a course. Why didn't you ask for help?"

"Because you can't solve everything!" Mia exclaims, sending a pang of hurt rattling through his chest. "I need to go, alright? I'll see you soon."

With that, the line goes dead.

. . .

Even when Mia falls asleep on her couch, textbook in her lap and a highlighter between her fingers, she can't believe Harry.

The next morning, when she has a persistent ache in her neck and her back feels like it's broken in two, she knows school isn't the only stressful thing her body's responding to.

She thinks dating an older guy is great. Dating Harry is great. Until moments like this, when he somehow forgets that people — including his girlfriend — need to work to get certain things in life, and that they won't just be given an entire company a month after graduation. She doesn't doubt that he understands that on some level, but from the perspective of a partner — well, she thinks he's being pretty insensitive.

Her fingers twitch at her sides in class as she tries her best to pay attention, wanting nothing more to grab her phone from her bag to see if he's texted her. Midway through the day, though, there's still nothing. She can't believe he still hasn't apologized for how he acted the previous night, and it only makes anger fester in her chest even more.

Finally, by the time she trudges home in the cold (December is nearing, and with that comes miserable gusts of wind and flurries of snow), she's had it with his silent treatment. She's barely through the door when she decides that she'll be the one to break the tension — only, when she kicks her shoes off at the door, she notices that her kitchen and living room lights are on, and she surely turned them off before heading out this morning.

Gripping her phone in her hand, she quietly tip-toes out of the entryway, nervous that there's some sort of... homely intruder eating her snacks or watching TV. Instead, she gasps out in shock, clutching her chest when her eyes fall on none other than Harry.

"What the fuck?!" Mia exclaims, her heart thumping quickly with anxiety. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you."

She squints her eyes, feeling her eyebrows nearly shoot up to her forehead. "So you call. Or text. Not break into my house!"

"You gave me a spare key, Mia—"

"That's for emergencies!" she shouts, suddenly feeling like the living room is slowly getting smaller and closing in on her.

"But you never would've let me come over—"

"Harry, I was literally about to call you when I walked in the door. I'm still mad at you for last night! And you're only making me angrier by being here!"

Tears well up in her eyes as she spits the words out at him. She never thought she'd be in this position with him — it hurts her to even verbalize her anger.

"Wait," Harry stands from the couch, a furrow in his brows as he crosses his arms over the button-up he likely wore to work today, "You're mad at me?"

Mia stares back at him like he has two heads.

"Yes," she slowly replies. "Do not tell me you're mad at me."

His throat bobs. "Yeah. I am."

"For what?!" her anger festers in her chest all over again, exploding like an overflowing pot of boiling water.

"You— you haven't been around lately. You haven't been spending time with me or treating me like a priority."

She squints her eyes, her fingertips finding her temples as an ache begins to settle at the sides of her head. With a shake of her head, she turns around, stomping back towards the entryway of her apartment.

"You need to go," she decides, not even bothering to shed her jacket off yet, "I can't talk to you right now. You're being incredibly unreasonable."

"So you just want to walk away, then? We're not gonna solve anything, we're just gonna keep ignoring each other?"

"I was never ignoring you! I was waiting for you to apologize to me, only to find out that you think I'm in the wrong!"

Harry scoffs as he follows her down the hallway. "Well, I'm not leaving. I want to fix things. And I'm not going until we do."

"Is your approach to annoy me into apologizing?" Mia snaps.

"No," he mutters with a roll of his eyes, "Maybe we're both just being emotional."

She shrugs her shoulders.

"Do you still want me to go?"

Mia shifts her stance from foot to foot. With a noisy sigh, she shakes her head before mumbling out, "No. Let's just... talk about it."

He nods. There's a silence lulling between them as she stands with her back pressed against the wall, stubbornness apparent as she crosses her arms over her chest. He swallows and rolls his lips into a thin line.

"I'm sorry for coming over unannounced. That was very immature of me and crossing a boundary. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to see you."

She keeps her eyes on the floor. "I just wish you'd texted or called instead. I waited all day to hear from you."

"I'm sorry," Harry repeats, his sock-clad feet taking a hesitant step closer to her, "It makes me feel stupid, how needy I can get. I know we're both busy with our own lives but I adore you, Mi. And I hate being away from you."

"I hate it, too," she mumbles, her bottom lip slightly pouted. "And you're not stupid for being needy... I just need you to understand that I'm working hard trying to get my education, and I need you to respect when I'm stressed or busy."

"I will. I'll do better."

She glances up to look at him. He looks tired, his eyes sad. With a quiet sigh, she lifts her hand to press her palm against his warm cheek. The prickles of his facial hair serve as a harsh juxtaposition from the soft skin beneath.

"I'm sorry, too. I never want you to feel like I don't care or I don't want to be with you. I just get so overwhelmed."

"I understand," Harry coos, wrapping a hand around her wrist to bring it to his mouth. He presses light kisses into her palm. "I know you care. I have to work on being more secure in our relationship."

Mia hums at his kisses, his gentle nature a welcomed change from their arguing.

"You know, you could always move closer," she murmurs with a smirk. He chuckles.

"Yeah. Or you could always just move in."

She rolls her eyes, "Then I'd really never get any work done."

"Mm, but think about how nice it'd be," he mumbles, slipping an arm around her waist to pull her closer. "I'd cook you dinner all the time, bring you snacks and tea while you study... you'd have your own office, of course. We could get a dog or a cat, too. Share a bed every night... you wouldn't have to use travel sizes of all your skincare stuff either, because everything would be there already."

She smiles to herself as she leans her head on his shoulder. The thought is nice. So nice. But they both know it's too early in their relationship, regardless of how deeply they feel for one another. Maybe it's a dream to work up to — a sweet, domestic life together.

"And you know what would be the best part?" she asks, brushing her lips up against the shell of his ear.

"Hm?"

"I'd get to use your heated bathroom floors every day."

#bestie asks #this took FOREVER #sorrrryyyy hehe #sugar daddy h #writing

[sallytwo]

can i get the talii summary 🎤 what’s the deal with talii 🎤 do you have any talii trivia 🎤

taliiii my dear girl. she grew up on the station with just her mother and older brother (i think her dad walked out idgaf) and she was this little starfleet fanatic. wanted to get into the academy and become an officer, had all these posters, etcl. she wanted sooo badly to get off the station and prove to everyone that she could do it, because as a kid she hated seeing all these people resigned to their shitty jobs. her brother was a solar skipper and farily happy with his job. he took a rotation on the renaissance, a brand new ship, the ship disappeared, you know the rest. talii was 16/17 at this time and had just gotten her offer to starfleet academy. and she was obviously devastated but represses this bad and ends up going off to school anyway. has a total breakdown, makes no friends, spends all her time in her room, and fails out after her first semester and comes back home. everyones like omg!!! our talii is living her dream!! we cant believe you made it !!! and shes like loll yeah its so awesome!!! i flunked out. haha. she switched out of command (HER LIFELONG DREAM) and decided to work in ops/navigation as a skipper instead, fully resigned to the fact that she failed and will never amount to anything. girl has had like low-grade depression for years but never acknowledges it.

the homely ghost is a pretty well known and respectable ship, and the only way talii got to work on it was by lightly manipulating faduhl. she's like heyyyy your son died on the renaissance no way my brother did too!!!! (side note faduhls son, aubrey, and taliis brother were very good friends). and everyone on the ghost hates her because she's lazy and apathetic and never puts any actual work in. and she uses this as a little pity party like ohhhh my life is so hard no one likes me :'( even though she's choosing to be a petty mean bitch and act hostile to everyone.

she also hatessss jonathan SHE HATES HIM!!! she was the young inexperienced junior officer and everyone hated HER and then he walks on (young inexperienced junior officer) and everyone likes him and thinks he's nice. girl has 0 self reflection skills. alsoooo sidenote sidenote the talii/jonathan paralells they both grew up on the station and lost a family member to the job but jonathan represses this and is energetic and eager and this bright young officer whereas talii has accepted it and become resigned and apathetic to how much her life sucks.

torwardss the end in season 3 she does get some self reflection skills after chyell leaves and she starts becoming besties with jonathan. THEYYYY DO BECOME BESTIES... their relationship (slightly older junior officer/ unoffical mentee slash bestie) parallels her brothers relationship with aubrey. since jonathan is alwaysss living in his shadow being compared to that bitch).

oh also her mom very fanatically thinks her older brother is alive out there and waiting to come home (his death really just broke her) and talii retaliates by believing he's stone cold dead and refusing to even say he's "missing". she has crazy mommy issues. in a draft (HAVENT DECIDED IF ILL KEEP IT BUT ITS FUNNY AS HELL) she has another older brother who's off in another system basically this like 30 year old stoner that she has like nooo contact with. and he shows up one day and she's like ugh this is my stupid brother. and everyone like. YOUR BROTHER??? and she's like ughhhh no the other one. the lame one. which makes it so funny that she was obsessed with getting off the station WHEN SHE HAD A DIRECT FAMILY MEMBER WHO DID. SHE JUST NEVER MENTIONS HIM.

she sucks. so much <3 she's always going around bringing up her dead brother and traumadumping and everyones like CAN YOU NOT!!! she's a chainsmoker she's would be a tiktok girlie if she lived in 2023. she's mean and rude to everyone then acts like the victim when everyone acts mean to her. she's probably nonbinary but too busy with her job to deal with that. her and chyell are roommates and have the worst most toxic yuri in the history of star trek. she did really love chyell and when they left with no warning it absolutely broke her. because of her brother and then chyell and then max leaving her with no goodbye she has the worst separation issues everrr. if she read warrior cats she'd kin needletail. she's actually very smart (she got into the academy early) but refuses to apply herself or take anything seriously. she tries to flirt with alekis sister. talii ^ i hate her she's my favorite everrr

#homely ghost #talii beder #SORRY ITS LONG SHE MEANS TO MUCHHHH TO ME.

[silentmoths]

When will I see you again? (In your dreams)

Writing fairy chose violence today, I don't usually write a lot of angsty stuff so idk if im actually any good at it but here you go kids.

Now I wish i knew what it was called, but this is actually based off an old animation i remember, likely a college final thesis work so I cant claim all the spain for it but I hope yall like it.

Zhongli x Afab Reader

Hurt/very little comfort, angst, modern setting

Your parents were fighting...again.

It was never anything new, the status quo always seemed to dictate that every time you trudged through the door after a long day of college classes, they'd be at eachothers throats, yelling about something.

Money, the car, house maintenence, affairs.

You just...wished they'd hurry up and get divorced...only a couple more months and you could finally move out, leave all of this behind.

but until then, you slink past their screaming mach in the kitchen and up the stairs to your room; your safe haven, and you immediately crawl into bed for a nap.

As soon as you descend into sleep, a hand brushes your cheek and you immediately feel at home.

"How was class?" The familiar, warm, deep voice beside you asks as you simply lay in the grass, content to let him pet your cheek and your hair.

"Long..."

"Are they fighting again?"

"when aren't they, Zhongli?" You sigh, finally fluttering open your eyes to look up at him.

Of all the things that were a constant in your life, Zhongli was definitely the prettiest.

He'd been here, in your dreams, since you were a child. When you'd begun to make your own world to retreat to when your parents raised their voices. A calm, comforting presence that loved you and wanted you.

No one cared to hear about Teyvat, and all it's whimsical glory, all the interesting characters and magic; they all said you were crazy, it was just make-believe and you would grow out of it.

Yet here you are, nearly twenty-two, and still escaping to this world whenever you could.

Zhongli smiles softly, and leans down to press a kiss to your nose, laying to settle beside you so you could shuffle into the warm familiarity of his chest, hear his heartbeat and feel his breath.

"Soon, darling...you are still planning on moving next semester, no?"

"yeah...my friends are organizing a place..." you confirm "and then I'll be outta here..."

Zhongli hums and nods, long fingers playing with your hair. "I do hope you'll continue to visit me."

You snort, looking up at him "Of course I would, every time I fall asleep."

---

A month to go.

Just one more month of dealing with three-am screaming matches.

Between studying for your exams, assignments, and your parents godawful screaming, sleep had been hard to come by.

You tell the doctor as much, leaving out your parents fighting. She taps away at her keyboard, eyeing you up and down as you fidget nervously in your chair, the bags beneath your eyes dark and prominent, the anxious energy overflowing; you can tell she's trying to figure out if you're just bluffing for drugs, but eventually she nods and hits print.

"One of these a night, fifteen minutes before bed, do not take more than one a day, I know its nearing the end of the semester so I'll give you a single repeat, and then if it's still a promblem, come back and see me." The doctor sighs, handing the prescription for sleeping pills to you. you take the sheet gratefully and scuttle away.

Zhongli is waiting when the pill kicks in that night, pulling you into his arms and simply swaying with you a while.

"I thought you were avoiding this place." He sighs, nose contently buried in your hair. "Avoiding me..."

"never." You croon, content at being held and loved, burying your own face into the crook of his neck "I was trying so hard to come back..."

"Is it getting bad?" he asks, you nod. He does not question any more, arms shifting to scoop you into his arms.

"Soon, my darling." He reassures, you nod, praying he's right.

---

You'd failed the exam.

You stare despondently down at the mark, it's horrible, it's so bad that your professor has even scribbled a comment in red marker.

'I expected better of you'

that stings.

you'd have to go see him later, ask if there was a makeup exam or some extra credit you could do, something, anything, to imrpove your mark; but for now you needed to meet up with your friends, to sort out moving dates.

--

"do you really want her moving in?"

"Pshh no! I said it to be nice I didnt actually expect her to take the offer! hell I'd prefer you moved in instead! She's a freak! always talking about her stupid make believe world. It was cool when we were kids but now? Now it's just sad. she needs to get laid or something..."

Your 'friends' dont see you, pressed against the wall, dont see the tears spilling over your cheeks, hand pressed to your mouth to muffle your sobs. When you do finally make yourself known to them, they just...look at you.

Theres no remorse in their eyes or in their words, apologies halfhearted and shrugged off with a 'but it's kinda true though'.

you turn and leave the campus.

--

Your mom finds your grades.

She's screaming, at you now.

And when your dad gets home? well, for once they agree with something, they scream, but not at each other; at you.

"If you think we're going to pay for failing grades, you have another thing coming!" your dad shouts, they do not pay your tuition, you do.

"Pull your head out of your ass before we pull you out of school!" your mother adds, they cannot pull you out of school they do not pay your tuition.

when they're finally done yelling at you, they once again turn back to echother, blaming one another for their failing daughter, as you trudge up the stairs, fingers rubbing the red hand-shaped mark on your cheek as you drop your bag and shut the door.

what were you meant to do now?

You feel your resolve crumbling away.

---

Your little world seems to be...crumbling a little when you finally open your eyes.

Zhongli looks over his shoulder before rushing to you and helping you up, pulling you close.

"Darling, what's going on?" He asks, frantic as you smile softly up at him.

"Oh Zhongli...everything's wrong..nothing is alright..." you whisper as Zhongli looks around, frantically as buildings and scenery crumble around him.

"What did you do? what's happening?"

"I took them. all of them"

"Took what, darling?"

"The pills."

You watch as Zhongli's eyes grow wide with horror.

"The Sleeping pills!? Darling why? why would you do that!?" His voice shakes as he sits you down, prying your mouth open and jamming two fingers right to the back of your throat, but this is nothing but a dream, there was no gag reflex to found.

"So I could stay here, with you...forever." you whisper, smiling up at him, reaching shakily for his face to wipe away a single, golden tear "Dont cry, Li...we can..be together now...just like we were meant to."

"Darling-" He chokes out, pulling you close as the very fabric of this reality begins to collapse around them "You're dying! you have to wake up! if you dont..."

You shake your head, leaning your face into his chest as he curls around you "I dont...I dont ever want to leave...never again..please...stay with me?"

His tears are warm as they splash across your cheeks, but he takes a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in his throat before settling beside you, holding you in his arms as he manages a small, sincere smile and presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

"Every time I fall asleep."

taglist: @stygianoir @meimeimeirin @ainescribe @rjssierjrie want to be added to the list? shoot me an ask!

#Silentmothwrites #moth is not silent #Zhongli genshin #Zhongli x reader #Zhongli x reader angst

[topgunruinedme]

Welcome to the danger Zone - Maverick has stepped to far out of line, with DADT hanging over them and trigger happy CO’s waiting around the corner. It’s too much of a risk to let Maverick continue without dragging them all down. Ice and Slider take it into their own hands too put Maverick in his place. “You wont be able to walk straight after I'm done with you”.

Dagger's Daycare - Maverick finds himself in a situation he cant explain. The daggers are unavailable, and he finds himself in need of help from his old crew. Of cause this wasn't the reunion they expected. “Did you kidnap an orphanage Mav?”

Less Than Achievable - The time Jake was finally shown he meant something to someone. Warnings: Abandonment issues, Daddy issues, Neglect, Self-hatred, Sacrifice TW

Seen Not Heard - Rooster and Payback pull a prank on Hangman, not realizing it could have been fatal. Maverick and Iceman step in to help the pilot recover. "He will never be allowed to fly again; do you realize that?"

You can lead a man to water (but you can't make him drink) [Goose/Mav] - "What about Carole?" Mav protested weakly, his breath hitching still taken back by the proposal. Goose grinned softly placing his hands on Maverick shoulders urging him to lay back gently, "I'm sure she will understand". Or Maverick goes through a dry spell while on deployment and Goose offers to lend a hand.

Tip my Hat to you - After returning from the uranium mission, Bob finds out his long-term 7-year boyfriend was cheating on him. Bob goes to the only person he knows who wont ask questions. Jake Seresin.

Burning in - Jake Seresin wasn’t good at listening to orders, everyone knew that. So why couldn’t he listen for once in his life? If he did he wouldn’t be in this situation. Than again interrupting a kidnapping of an Admiral hadn’t exactly been a part of his plan anyway.

Flat Spin - When Phoenix pulls out a mission last minute, Bob is left with at temporary pilot. It was meant to be a easy scouting mission. So why was he suddenly in a flat spin plummeting towards the ground?

At the end of the storm [Mpreg Jake/Cyclone] - A year after being thrown out of the Daggers, Jake finds himself pregnant. With no one pack to fall back on and his carreer in risk, he has no idea what to do. Luckily Cyclone has an issue with adopting strays. Or Jake gets pregnant and Cyclone takes him in.

I'm Ready Goose, Take me Home - Sarah forces Tom to pick, her and the baby or his wingman. He lets Maverick wondering for a few years, from placement to placement. Leaving Maverick to wonder, why everyone he loves leave him? He has no one left, so why should he stay?

#topgun #topgun maverick #top gun 1968 #top gun fluff #top gun fanfiction #poll #wip update #WIP

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 7: WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?

warnings: flashback, death mention, drugs mention, idk anymore let me know if you think i should add more

prev chapter

next chapter

word count: 4442

A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys i just started my 2nd semester of uni and life has been ROUGH but aye here's the new chapter :D

***

Yaera

scratchy skin. i run my nails over it till brown becomes red and im bleeding all over my pyjammas. it doesn't hurt. not as much as i do.

surrounded by darkness, bawling my eyes out in silence. it feels like im paralysed, like i can't breathe. like its a chore to be alive.

"yaera?" a soft voice calls me. i know its not her. my heart wishes it was.

my mind tricks me. i feel her get onto my bed and put her warm hands over my open wound. it feels like a bandage, like im being healed but i know its not real.

it isnt real.

the soft pale light turns on beside my bed and i see her face. her deep brown doe eyes gentle with sadness. my sobs choke in my throat, threatening to go louder. i cant.

"im here, don't worry," she tells me and rubs my face. "he wont hurt you anymore."

"why'd it have to be you?" i ask her. "i wish it was me instead."

she frowns how i imagine she would if she were here. "dont say that. youre making me feel guilty."

"i cant do this, yasmine. i cant. no one here is you. they dont know me the way you do. i dont know if i can go on anymore."

"you have to," she sadly smiles. "im still here."

but she wasnt. and it was hard to accept that.

there are people in this world who you can show your worst self, your best self, and the your most vulnerable self. the self that cries when feeling any kind of emotion. the kind who feels overwhelmed all the time.

yasmine was my person. shes gone now.

but my brain wont let me forget it. it wont let me forget anything.

"what the heck, whats wrong?" she asked when she found me sobbing into my knees under my window pane. she bent down next to me, immediately pulling my head onto her shoulder.

she wouldnt get it. i couldnt explain it. the way he kept making me feel powerless in a house full of people. so alone. so afraid. the touches started off like nothing, a fleeting thought, it was easy to brush off.

not anymore.

"c'mon, yae. you can tell me. was jongho mean to you again?" she asked innocently. cluelessly. "i will speak to him for real this time. he always thinks being mean as a joke is cute but–"

i wanted to tell her. maybe i should have. i told her everything. why couldnt i tell her? she was all i had. i should have told her.

"Mr and Mrs Marino. We need you to come in to the police station. A body was found–"

***

San

Y: I can't make it for lunch today, sorry. I'll just come by to let you know the news.

I adjust my glasses as I eye the message and the time on my screen. I can barely read it because of the cracks but end up getting the gist of it.

I sigh and close my chemistry notes. I guess she's done with her shoot then. Woo is passed out on my bed, for some reason the asshole decided to stay here.

What am I going to do with him here? I guess I'll have to talk to her outside. It doesn't sound like she'll stay long anyway.

At four thirty in the afternoon Yaera knocks on my door. I make sure to squeeze through the gap when I open the door, closing it behind me quickly so she doesn't see inside.

She gives me a suspicious look but doesn't say anything. She looks different. Maybe its the dark red curls that are spilling down her back that look so out of place compared to the thick hoodie and pants she's wearing.

"Hey," she greets, sounding off. "I won't be sleeping over, don't worry. I just came to say today went well."

Went well? It sounds like she'd rather be anywhere but here.

"I gave the pills out to three of my model friends. If all goes well, they'll want more by this weekend. I told them to give me a call."

"What if this doesn't work?" I ask skeptically. After all, models doing drugs so freely can't be a good thing.

"It will," she assures me, too sure. "And if it doesn't, I always have a back up plan."

She always has everything so figured out, doesn't she? I can't help but be wary of her. There's something about people like Yaera. People who act so calm and nonchalant about doing and going through problematic things. They're usually ticking time bombs on the inside.

"I want to talk about money," she says suddenly. "I know I said twenty percent but I need thirty."

I widen my eyes. No way she's asking for that much. "Thirty? What?"

She narrows her eyes, completely on edge. "What? Do you have a problem with that?"

"I'm just trying to figure out where this is coming from. What makes you think you're entitled to 30%? I know you gave me all your savings but—"

"Fine!" She bursts out, making me drop silent. "Do you want more then? I can get you more money. I can pay off how much you owe, how much that Yunho guy owes–it doesn't fucking matter to me. I just need to leave here. I need to get the fuck out."

Something happened. Her voice tells me all. Its full of anger, desperation and frustration. She's looking at me like she wants to kill me but at the same time her eyes are glossy.

I might be an anti-social loser but I can tell when someone's about to cry.

"Can you fucking answer me?" She tightly asks.

"Did your parents say something to you? Is that why you're so out of it?" I ask warily. Wrong move, San. Completely dumb fucking move.

She laughs, its a bitter, miserable laugh that leaves me more confused. Its the exact same one from before, when she figured out I knew about her dead sister.

"Don't ask me stupid questions like you're my therapist or something," she snaps at me. "And I am not out of it. You're just refusing to be straight up with me."

"You're not out of it? Then why are you acting defensive?" I snap back. "Be honest with me on why I should give you more money. Its so obvious this is more than getting away from your family. You're running from something."

My temper is at bay because I can clearly tell something's wrong, but I know she's dodging me. Her eyes start tearing and it immediately makes me feel terrible but I can't help it. She's not being honest.

"I'll help you, Yaera. Just be honest with me. What are you so afraid of?"

"Fuck you!" She shouts through her sobs, shoving me in the chest. "Fuck you, Choi San. Why the fuck should I explain myself to you when I don't even know why you're selling drugs or in a gang? Huh? Why the fuck should I be honest? Go to Hell."

Anyone who sees us will assume we're going through an awful break up. Yaera's entire face is red and drenched with tears and I'm standing without a clue of what's going on or what to do. She gives me a sarcastic look when I fail to answer her.

She sniffles, trying to collect herself as she shakes her head. "That's what I thought. Fuck this."

Yaera leaves down the hall and doesn't look back at me once, and I'm not sure what it means at all. All I know is something is wrong. Is it the memories of her sister? Her parents? I don't know.

I try not to think about it for the rest of the day, but fail miserably.

***

Yaera

For the rest of the weekend, San tries to reach me. I'm an asshole, I watch as his messages come and go, each one getting deleted after each other. I don't think he's tech savvy enough to know I can still see the receipt after they're deleted.

A small part of me is happy, even a little girlish to think that San, in our hot and cold dynamic, has decided to pull the rope and chase me. The more sane, rational part of me is embarrassed.

So, so embarrassed.

The sickening feeling doesn't leave me all weekend. It grows with every day that passes, because I know I've made San confused and feel like shit. He doesn't know why I freaked out, why I ignored him and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get the words out.

I'm too fucking scared.

The thought of it alone leaves me feeling cold and isolated from everyone else, knowing no one around would understand, or care. The awful fear of feeling like a cornered animal, so unprotected, so lost and wanting to rip off my own skin because it feels tainted.

How do I say that to a guy I'm blackmailing for money? Someone who has a horde of problems of his own. My brain has been feeding me awful scenarios all weekend. Its part of the reason I can't face San.

With every day that passes, Saturday grows closer. My parents are running around organizing fits and lifts for the gala, where their collection will be showcased before it hits the market. I'm nauseous knowing that I won't be able to get out of it. Why?

1. Because I gave San my word I would sell his drugs.

2. Because I'm being shown off at this stupid event.

3. Because Santo will be there, waiting.

I thought of lying about contracting a virus. I even hoped San would message me Sunday night saying there would be more thugs to deal with. I hoped that we'd go out and that I'd get stabbed, end up in the hospital and have to miss that gala entirely.

I try coming up with solutions to dull the utter sense of panic in my bones. Most people don't know how far I'll go to escape my fears. I'm very good at being a coward.

My brain tells me, maybe if I don't show up enough, just maybe Santo will drop me and my parents will disown me. Maybe if I cling to my father all night, Santo won't get the chance to corner me. But knowing my family, they'll have no problem throwing me to the wolves.

When Monday rolls around, I'm in the parking lot against a wall waiting for San to come but he never does. No one comes by, the parking lot is empty that morning and I am all alone.

I look at San's chat on my phone and feel like sobbing. I'm so pathetic really. I don't know why I'm such a loser. Why am I so emotional all of a sudden about apologizing. Its not like we're dating. 

I'm so embarrassed by all I said that I texted him good luck on his test today and he read it with no reply. Karma, I think. I ignored him all weekend and he's just returning the favour.

This is ruining my life. I shouldn't care, right? All I should care about is my money and running away. I shouldn't care about fixing things with a guy I barely know.

What if Santo leaves me alone because I'm with San?

That thought is dangerous. Not only that, it bothers me all morning because of its openness. There's only two ways he can react.

Santo can back off when he realizes I'm with someone my own age and not interested in getting groomed OR he can get super possessive and probably get San thrown in jail for some obscure and non real reason.

But the chance he could leave me alone forever is enough for me to hang onto hope. I'm on my way to biology with this hope in my heart, hoping I'll see San and he won't look at me like I'm some ugly bug.

Unfortunately when I get to biology, Mrs Evans gives me a tight smile. "Miss Marino, how delighted to actually have you in class today."

I completely forgot about her. And it seems like she's aware I skipped her period last week. "Uh, good morning ma'am," I greet awkwardly.

Quick. Think of a good lie.

"You know Miss Ella is back in school, right? I'm sure you don't want to see her so soon again," she says to me, vaguely threatening as she eyes my hair. "I should send you there for your unnatural hair colour, but I'll let it slide if you tell me you've made the effort to get a tutor."

"I..."

I sigh. Another thing I completely forgot about. I need to care about school if I want to graduate, but my life is so shit right now its taking everything out of me to not shower with a toaster.

"Mrs Evans?" A voice speaks. I feel my stomach flutter. I look behind me and San is standing there.

He's looking right at me with that unreadable, dark and mellow expression on his handsome yet cold face. He looks so pretty with his long hair and glasses, but my admiration hits an abrupt block when he looks away suddenly, no warmth present on his face.

"Yes, San?" Mrs Evans voice automatically softens. He must have that effect on everyone.

"Yaera and I came to an agreement. I will tutor her."

I can't think straight. What is he doing? I can never tell what he's thinking.

"Oh," even Mrs Evans is surprised. "Uh well, I'm happy you changed your mind. Hopefully Yaera can actually listen to you."

I sit through class without a single coherent thought in my brain. I sneak looks at San, thinking of what to say to him once we get time alone. I should apologize for losing it. I was weak, I nearly crumbled infront of him.

It can't happen again. It just can't.

So when class ends, I plan to go after him. San leaves first, showing no signs of waiting for me. He goes to the abandoned stairwell as per usual, and I'm about to make my presence known but stop when I hear his pissed off tone.

"Woo, I fucking told you don't call me at school, you asshole," San turns into Count Dracula and hisses into the speaker. "No you don't get it, you dropped out, I didn't."

"I told you I have a test today!"

"No, I'll be writing it during school hours. You don't have to pick me up from school, I'll meet you at my apartment."

His voice significantly quiets down, and by now I know he's not talking to a relative. At least not his close family.

Actually, San doesn't strike me as the type to talk to any member of his family like that at all. Which means this is obviously 105ths related.

"No, Woo, don't bring a fucking gun do you want those people to kill us?!" San groans as softly as he can.

So San is definetely going somewhere after school today. Which means I'm going somewhere. Great.

"I'm telling you it's a bad idea! We just need to knock out that asshole and go. Do you want this shit to turn into a shootout? Get real."

San hangs up and roughly tosses his bag to the ground, I hear the harsh landing from around the wall. I decide to wait a few minutes before building up the courage to show myself.

His handsome yet scowling face drops when he sees me, his expression awkward and taken aback.

"Hey," I break the ice. "I just wanted to say thanks."

"For?" He sounds genuinely clueless. Is his memory that bad?

"For covering for me. In Bio."

"I wasn't covering. I figured I could use the extra credit," he says, slightly cold. "So just say when you're available and I'll bring my books."

I'm dumbstruck. San is actually going to tutor me. If I'm already struggling to focus I wonder how hard I'm going to fight now.

"Oh, okay," I say dumbly. I can barely meet his eyes after Saturday. I hear my own cracking voice screaming at him between tears and it makes me cringe.

"I'm sorry," I say with difficulty. "For what happened on Saturday...it was uncalled for. I wasn't myself. So yeah, sorry."

San is quiet, looking at me like he's reading a book he doesn't understand.

He nods. "Okay. Can you explain what happened?"

I blink dumbly. "What?"

"Tell me why you freaked out and showed up to my place on edge. What happened at that shoot?"

My skin heats up and I feel like scratching. I struggle to hold his gaze and its embarrassing. He wasnt supposed to question me. Hes not following the script I wrote up in my head.

"I..."

"I can still give you the money," he tells me. "If you really need thirty percent, I'll give it to you. It cuts our deal shorter. You'll be able to get your money faster and this partnership won't have to last all year. But just tell me why."

I'm vaguely annoyed that I'm being pushed and still Ive received nothing. I know I barely know San for a week, but why am I the only one having to be honest here?

Crumbs, my brain suggests. I should give him crumbs, then he wont bother next time.

"I had a bad day," I admit with difficulty. Fucking understatement. "My parents and...everything. It was overwhelming for me. My sister used to do this, and she was a natural. And now that I do it...it feels like I'm being forced to take her place."

"Is that all?" San asks suspiciously, as if he knows I'm holding something back. Fuck, hes so smart I hate him.

Time to make him regret asking at all.

"I had a panic attack," I continue. "Lots of people dont know this, but my parents are awful people. They made my sister do inappropriate shoots when she was just a kid. Then when she died they did the same thing to me. Lingerie, fucking weird ass outfits that didnt belong on the body of a sixteen year old girl.

"It was never a problem back then because all the shoots are published now. All the pictures my parents post of me are two years old. They still make me do weird shit, but I'm not a minor now, so its okay, I guess. I know it doesnt sound like a big deal, but I really hate being forced to show my body and its just...very...it makes me..."

I dont finish because I find myself getting genuinely upset. I take a deep breath and look at the ground, swallowing hard. This fucking sucks, San is pitying me in his head, I can feel it.

"You didnt deserve that," he says quietly. "You should be running then."

He doesnt know the half of it. But a part of me is happy Im hearing those words. And from a man who appears like he cares about nothing. Maybe hes not that bad.

"Thanks for understanding. Can we talk about you now?"

San nods. This is weird. We're being civil.

"What happened after you visited your boss? What did she say?"

"Uh...mmmm."

San shrugs and crosses his arms. "Uh, she didnt say much. We dont have to worry about it. Its out of my hands."

"What?" I frown. It didnt sound like that on the phone at all. "So she really let you off?"

San nods with his lips in a firm line. This bastard is lying to me.

Really? After everything? I hide my volatile feelings with a soft hum.

"That's crazy. How are they letting you off so easily for losing 7k and yet they made you eat a cigarette for not delivering 10?" I question.

San shrugs again, not doing a good job at covering for himself. But why is he lying. After our last conversation I thought he'd know better.

"I guess Yunho is taken care of then. I can't say for sure."

"Do you have plans tonight then?" I test. "I think we should have a tutoring session at your place."

San grimaces. Go ahead, asshole. Lie through your teeth.

"I can't actually. I have to go somewhere. It's not gang related."

"Oh really? Is it family related then?"

"I don't have to tell you that," San shoots me down ungracefully, if I was shocked I would gasp.

I just told him why I need more money, and he responds like this. I want to laugh so hard. He's such a hypocrite.

"That came out the wrong way," he sighs when he sees my face. "Yes, it is family related. I have to do something with my cousin, that's all. I can come by tomorrow though."

I force a smile. "No, don't worry about it. Good luck with your family."

I walk away to hide my fuming. San has chosen to lie to me, its evident. He's going to help his 'cousin' who suspiciously has a gun. He must think I'm a fucking moron.

I wonder what his rationale is this time. Either way, it's going to piss me off. Shit, I'm already pissed. Because clearly he doesn't respect or take me seriously. It's like everytime I think I'm breaking through a layer with him, he brings up a worse, even more piece of shit layer.

And he's unashamed about it either. I just know when I confront him about lying, he'll be the most angry person. But I don't care, I'll be ready then. I didn't give him my fucking savings just for him to leave me out of the loop and toss me aside with a shitty lie.

When lunch rolls around, I'm on my way to the stairwell when I'm nearly knocked over by the horde of soccer players just forcing themselves through the halls. They have to move like a herd for some reason and trample everyone in their path. I'm forced against the lockers on the floor, my eyes widening when I spot  a brand new pair of expensive Nike soccer boots on one of our star players.

I smile to myself, watching his blonde head of hair disappear around the hallway. I bet those shoes must have costed a fortune. It probably sells well too.

My temptations are halted for the time being. I do need money, month end is two weeks away and San isn't showing signs of being a very cooperative partner. If he's hiding things from me, I might as well hold onto my methods of self-preservation.

***

The day ends and I see San sneaking through the parking lot this time. He doesn't know I'm watching him, but he definitely knows he's being watched. The paranoid asshole tosses suspicious glances over his shoulder every five seconds as he leaves the driveway.

My parents pick me up as usual, though this time my father is a lone ranger. We barely talk as expected, he asks me what I did in school, I tell him "the usual" and we move on with The Beatles blasting in the car.

"Where's mom?" I ask when we get home, noting the very peaceful silence is something out of the ordinary.

"Your mother is at one of the boutiques doing checks and balances," my father blandly responds, walking up the stairs. "I'm going to take a nap. There are bread rolls in the fridge."

I smirk to myself,  that means I don't even have to lie. My opening is wide enough. I immediately go up to my room and slide out of my school uniform, putting on rather... inconspicuous clothes.

A black hoodie and navy sweatpants with shoes fit to run in. I'm thinking of a weapon to carry with me, but all I have is a tiny pocket knife. Hopefully I don't have to use it.

I check my phone and roll my eyes when I see his name in my notification bar.

Sannie~: Sorry, I only saw this message now. Thanks 

You... asshole. You know I can see when I'm being left on read, right? I almost want to say it but I take a deep breath. You are not crazy. Don't act crazy. It doesn't matter if he's only responding to my good luck message only now.

I scowl and type a message back.

me: Hope everything with your cousin goes well.

San immediately reads it, and he types back for a long while. The message never comes through because he stops. Yeah, can't come up with more lies, can you?

I tighten the strings of my hoodie and get out of my house, catching the bus to his apartment.

This is the only way to see who he actually is. I've discovered him before by following him once, and then I found out the truth. Now I'm going to find out why exactly he lied to me, since healthy communication is clearly not on the table.

I don't plan on going inside, instead I find a spot nearby and just wait for him to leave. I know he's going somewhere, there was a mention of guns and some person named Woo, so I suppose he's the partner for tonight.

For about five minutes, nothing happens. I keep checking my phone and San's online status is inconsistent. He comes on every few seconds, probably checking for any updates from this person. When the sixth minute hits, a black Ford transit van rolls up infront of San's apartment building.

The windows are tinted, so I miss whoever's in the driver seat. San comes down a few minutes later, dressed in a classic hostile outfit. He has a mask over the bottom half of his face and pulls open the door of the van... and of course, he has his crowbar in hand.

I catch a glimpse of the inside of the van before San violently slams the door shut. It's empty. Just before they drive off, I end up stopping a cab by sliding over the bonnet. The driver stares at me like I'm insane, about to shout obscenities but I toss a 300 bill his way and slide in the back.

"You see that van? I need you to follow it," I order. The van is halfway down the road when the driver steps on the gas and we push forward.

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #choi san #choi san fluff #san angst #gang au #ateez ot8

[27emailsicantsend]

what do you think will be the conflict for rina in s4? i honestly think it will be a fresh take on a conflict we haven’t seen before. or at least hopefully i really don’t want anyone coming in between them (especially bc i’m sorry but i cant imagine either of them even beginning to give someone else the time of day) but maybe there’s a chance there will be a true sharpay character? like in the way “i want troy (ricky)” way? kinda like a hsm2 plot in a way idk if that makes sense i’m just kinda gearing up for someone to try to come in between them. but anyways i think and hope it’ll be a new conflict we haven’t seen in the show before. and they’ll make it out stronger. however i feel like if they get a s5 then the conflict will be ricky graduating. i’ve always loved this conflict. my prediction for that is it does result in a breakup in s5 but they get back together by the end.

Thank you for this question, anon! I think a lot of people are nervous for the conflict because they worry that it will be a repeat of what we’ve seen before. As we’ve seen from Tim’s interviews, he knows the rinas have been through the absolute trenches. He called the kiss a “small win”. Not because there is more hardship to come, but because I think this is small in comparison to some of the other wins we’re going to see. Also from Tim’s interviews, I’ve seen time and time again it’s imperative we pay attention to what happened in the doc. That’s how we’re going to know what the characters trials are. Without prompting, Tim brought up Jet’s crush on kourtney a couple of times (this seems like something he finds a really big deal and will be focused on quite a bit).

Because the doc was a lot about ricky and gina finally getting together, it wouldn’t make sense for another triangle. Not to mention, the triangles were more so that we could see ricky and gina do better with each other than their “next best options”. To me, it makes more sense that we’re going to see actual couple struggles.*knock on wood* I think tim wants us to have rina together as our “big win”. I don’t think he is going to throw this ship in the flames more than it already has been. I think it will be more normal and healthy with some typical ups and downs (kind of like redlyn s2).

I also agree that ricky graduating seems like a logical conflict. Tim described s4 as “now or never”, because he understands this could be their last season. As much as he wants the show to go on, unfortunately tv execs have the largest say at the end of the day and do really, scummy things regardless of the direction the show is going or could go (girl meets world RIP). So I think he wants to tie loose ends if he can. Where it’s Ricky’s senior year, ricky making plans for post graduating seems pretty logical to me this season. ESPECIALLY because it would make less sense for him to figure it out next season. He hates change, so planning something out in advance seems like him. He might put it off a little because he’s scared of the change, but I think ultimately he would embrace decision making. What wouldn’t be like him it waiting until his last semester of high school to make a decision on a college (my ADHD brain did the exact opposite and I waited until like two weeks before a decision had to be made and then made one 🙃).

TL;DR: I think ricky is going to try and make a graduation plan and overdo the stress of planning because it’s in his nature to prepare as much as possible (so it feels like the least amount of unexpected change). I think gina is, once again, going to provide that polarity for him and be a sounding board for his stress. She’ll probably try to remind him that even if they end up not together after graduation, it doesn’t mean they won’t have a future together. She might even try and give him resources that keep him close to home, but she will help him embrace the inevitable change. I think ricky has been getting a lot better at eventually embracing change, but now he’s getting the real test: can he embrace a world of change- completely on his own- as an adult? We’ve seen him overcome the stress of dealing with the things changing around him (things out of his control, his parents divorce, Nini going to Denver and pulling away, etc.), but what about the things happening to him (things within his control, like where he goes to college). Sometimes it’s easier to be mad at and get over the things out of our control, because that’s all they are at the end of the day: the things that come and go. It’s the decisions that we proactively make to create change that can be the hardest, because we have to be fully responsible for them. It might make someone want to… Scream? 😉

#rina #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #ricky bowen #gina porter #ricky x gina #anon #asks #send me asks

[fragileizywriting]

sobbing crying dying i promised myself that i’d sleep early in preparation of my semester starting tomorrow but i ended up coming up with a lil oneshot where it’s— wait this one might get long, hold on

there we go okay it’s where luka goes to bed very very late because he’s busy just staring at them both while in a side chair. both adrien and marinette are hidden in that massive cluster/mountain of pillows like he’s made them cozy up into it. (he did. marinette looks so comfy. adrien looks like a little kitten.)

he’s sitting there in the dark just eyeing them, afraid to go to bed and wake up with all of it gone and he’s back in hell and all of this was just a dream. it’s that type of fear where the stomache feels heavy and tight and cold and you can’t swallow; nervous and sweaty palms, too, just to complete the look.

marinette wakes up after a bit. shuffling around against the pillows trying to find him, and he sees her eyes kinda dart around when she realizes he’s looking at her from the dark room.

“luka?”

“here,” he murmurs. adrien is dead asleep, and probably won’t move for the next 3-5 business days unless they drop kick him.

i just want them to have a talk. marinette convincing luka to come talk about it in bed with them, where she drags her fingertips on his forehead and down his nose while he tells her of his fear. i want marinette to tell him: “it sounds like you’re too scared to truly live.”

“can you blame me?” he murmurs. “the last time i cared about my belongings and my family, i lost them. i cant keep losing the things i care about.”

“losing your family is hard,” she agrees. with a drowsy yawn, she adds: “it’s so hard to keep up when you think about all you’ve lost. but you can’t punish yourself for loving and wanting things, luka. it’s not a sin to love. it’s not a sin to care, either. you’re allowed to do that.”

he doesn’t have a response. not yet, anyway. she seems okay with it, sticking her cold nose against his collarbone and touching her tiny freezing hands against his side. tucked underneath him, he gets it. he gets what she means. his heartbeat is starting to slow down, too, which helps so much.

a kiss to her hair.

and though luka doesn’t sleep till much later, he internalizes what she’s said.

#speakizys #demon lovin

[dualitysdownfall]

medical oversharing in form of sentence fragments below cut

knees prone to hurting after i walk more than usual ("usual" in this case being a very low threshold) particularly in situations like school where im also carrying heavy stuff (not very specific i guess. began couple months ago, not immediately after start of semester which is interesting (what changed???) didnt do good job logging occurrences and circumstances.)

not normal right? what do about this. not bad enough to be debilitating but enough to notice -> enough to cause concern. can power through. semester just ended, no more school anyway. not expecting problem to occur during break. so like should i even worry about this rn?

why this happen though? would simply reducing weight load help? or just minimize walking altogether? not muscular pain. ...wait for problem to worsen? cant think of anything immediately implementable that would reliably assuage or prevent. at least not without knowing whats going on.

i know in my brain preventive care is just as important as addressing stuff thats already happening but. how. feels like making big deal out of something manageable. logically know any issue at all is deserving of attention and relief, indicator of Not Fully Able Bodied but not sure how to address while still certifiably Not That Bad, Actually /genuine (esp considering, like i said, probably not a concern now that semester is over) like idk what kinds of things would reduce/prevent on such small scale without feeling like overreacting. don't exactly want problem to get worse but if it did at least that would justify getting something for it

also not really sure of patterns, again, did bad job recording data. sometimes convinced "i did so much walking today, this is gonna hurt tomorrow" then it doesnt. not sure what exactly triggers it or when. i do know once when it happened, sitting down for an hour made it virtually go away, then i started kicking my legs as a stim and pain began to seep back. like "ooogh augh you're still making us move, why this".

idk theres probably more details but. brain gone

should have carefully logged everything pertinent, would make easier to detect patterns or lack thereof

sometimes pain when laying down going to sleep. very distracting. like what more do you want me to do im already laying down.

like pain in response to movement but on a delay.

at worst maybe a bit unsteady, not thrilled about getting up and moving but can.

#wonder where get advice from chronic pain havers #this is what this is right? or at least heading toward that sort of area #planned to schedule doctor appt but then dad got covid #dont want him to have to go into places until asymptomatic #tired want to express thought fast no time for grammar #you want articles? go to newspaper IDIOT #harper babbles

[coffeeandmorningskinny]

So a a bit over a month has passed since my last exam, but god it felt like a whole fucking lifetime... first of all, this bitch is single again, my dear ex bf waited exactly for my exams to be over, so for my whole semester break i have been living with my parents which honestly fucked me up way more than the breakup itself. Weirdly enough i found an apartment for myself right away which i just finished moving into, thank god cause the new semester starts next monday.. So now im just trying to get all my furniture sorted and shit so when classes start i can really focus on that, cause i actually passed all the exams last semester and now im determined to get better grades and not just pass. My ex and i have been seeing each other again, weirdly enough it seems he cant keep away from me cause everytime i come over hes super cuddly and affectionate and im honestly just so confused, so were going to talk about that towards the end of the week so i can also sort all of my emotional shit before classes start.

One advantage of the breakup is, that i couldnt smoke at my parents place at all so now i just smoke ocasionally and that seems to work pretty well, and i hope i dont fall back into old patterns when the semester starts.

Work is also extremely messy but honestly if i would explain whats going on there i would probably end up writing a whole novel so ill leave it at that.

Hows everyone else doing?

#study blog #chaotic academia #science #academia #university #dark acamedia #chaotic aesthetic #messy life #new semester #life update

[zoppzoop]

hello lish tis the monthly council who hopes ur doing some variant/s of good, well, wonderful, fine, dandy, rested, reposed, lavished and leisurely in these hours, and if not, will be doing soon. hello!! hope ur good, how u doing?? just wanted to let yk ur art is like a cookie to me i see it everytime and i want to eat it while flaking crumbs all over me and assembling them afterwards so that i can have more of it. ur animatics!!!!! im too speechless to say in tags but know that they blow my mind always!!!!! hope ur good and having a fun time!! do tell me 5 songs u love listening to rn or anything u want to talk abt!!! have a good day!! (solar)

also ps im not sure if tumblr is eating my asks?? but i did try to send u valentine cards and if they reached, yay<3 and if not, happy (belated) valentine's day to this site's belovedest user<3

hello solar my beloved i love and adore you and your regular check ins so much <3 not doing too great at the moment but hopefully things turn up for the better <333 also 🥺 thank you so much i love seeing the tags you leave on my art and i regularly keep going back to them <3333333

the 5 songs! oh um!!! pacific by chase petra, from the start by good kid, smoke with the devil by kian stone <3, allies or enemies by the crane wives and the sureshot by nathan hanover <33 ive been so deep into the jrwi podcast lately, i'm like almost done with my second listen-through for the whole riptide campaign and yeah <33 i cant wait for this semester to end so that i can go back home and be less burdened with managing my finances so that i can get the patreon content and listen to the rest of the campaigns theyve got <3

also ps, i did your valentines ask! and i replied to it with an ask of my own saying that i wanted to keep it in my inbox forever because yeah <3 hoarding it <33 but it seems maybe tumblr ate that ask?? because i do remember sending it that day itself-

anyways! happy (belated) valentines day to you as well <333333333 and thank you so much for that ask i appreciated it a LOT and it made me very happy <3333

#asks #solar (=￣ω￣=)♡

[deadchovsky]

Ok nvm more yapping under the cut. Tumblr is my diary and baby, I'm writing in pink glitter gel. Ignore this <3

I'm formatting this like greentext bc its funny

Big Font.

😨

Ddo you like Wilbur soot. Cuz I do

Anyways:

>be me on NYE

>one of my friends asked me to take a picture out of this end of year video thing I post on my 15 subs youtube channel every year at the end of the year.

> he says because his phone screen is visible and hes worried about what's on it. Says it might be some rp server he was on at the time the picture was taken and thinks it could he embarrassing. (This is important remember this.)

>I zoom in on the picture, it literally looks like a black screen.

> he says hes still worried about someone seeing it

>okay whatever. I try my best to remove this picture that last for like 2 seconds out of a 15 minute long video. (Sidebar, this picture was already in a different video months ago and he was fine w it then and literally has never brought up removing it from that video once.)

> I save changes to the video

> "okay I think I got it, but there might be like .5 seconds of it still, bc YouTube's editing thing sucks"

> he says its fine, because it's a 15 minute long video and the longest that clip is in there for is like. A singular second.

> 2 months later

> be me

> this mf hasnt talked to me, or basically any of my friends since new years.

> guy literally dropped out of the play despite wanting to be in it since September

>guy is literally in all 4 of my classes and hasnt attended a single one since the second day of the semester.

>I'm walking around the school bc the gender neutral bathrooms are closed, so I'm going to the least scary girls bathrooms near the front of the school.

> guy and one of my friends show up and stop me in the hallway.

> friend: "hey guy needs to talk to you."

> me: "bro I have to piss rn can it wait"

> apparently not.

> Guy: "I know you don't understand why I feel this way" (most condescending tone possible)

> turns out changes didnt save in YouTube video and the picture is still in the video for literally 0.003% of the entire runtime.

> tells me to remove it because he thinks that he was "texting his mom about his attempt at the time"

> picture was taken a month before the attempt. also he told me it was the rp server the first time I tried to remove it.

> ok whatever. I say I'll remove the picture.

> interaction is very awkward(mind you we're standing in the middle of a high school hallway while hes telling me all this) I leave and go piss

> I go back to class after pissing

>friend (who was with guy) says that was the first time guys talked to her in a few weeks.

>I show her the picture on my phone, bc I feel like I'm going crazy. The phone literally only looks turned on bc you can see a slightly outline of a white keyboard. Not to mention the photo is BLURRY.

>friend confirms that you can't see fucking shit on the phone in the picture.

>thank god because I thought I was somehow wrong for thinking you cant see shit

Also, bro saw that video that the picture was in once, freaked out bc he thought you could see his rp server in it, then tried to tell me TWO MONTHS LATER (and almost 10 months AFTER the picture was taken and posted in a different video THAT HE SAW) that he was talking to his mom about a suicide attempt in there. I didnt even remember about that bro how tf did he manage to keep that in his brain for two fucking months. Get different meds you fucking dweeb like oh my god. Clearly whatever you're on now isnt working.

#liveblogging irl #Youtube

[how-gross]

2:37am — December 23, 2023

I’m so fucking sick of everything. Whoever said you life doesn’t end at seventeen was a fucking liar. I’m sick of this. All of this. I hate everyone and everything and I really just want to go to sleep, and never wake up.

It’s almost my second semester of my senior year of high school. My college application deadlines are coming up. Scholarship application deadlines are coming up. I might not even win some scholarships since I waited until the last fucking minute to apply— I DIDNT EVEN APPLY YET.

I wanted to apply for scholarships before the school year even started, that’s why my mom’s friend suggested. But the minute before I submit the application, my mom’s like, “wait don’t do it yet. Wait until we can do it together”. So I wait, but then other people are talking about getting scholarships, so I beg my mom to help but she goes ahead and tells me that her friend says I should do it myself. I FUCKING TRIED TO, BUT YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT UNTIL WE DO IT TOGETHER, SO I WAITED FOR YOU TO TELL ME WHEN YOURE READY TO DO IT TOGETHER. And then you want to tell me that you already have enough stuff on your plate so I can’t expect you to remember when to do those applications. But if I were to go up to you and ask you to do it, you’d be hostile or exhausted and either way I’d end up feeling bad. And then you want to turn the conversation around, asking me if I want to do applications tonight, but when I tell you I’m tired from the week alone — WHICH I AM. I AM TIRED. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE FUCKING TIRED — you wanna say, “you made such a big deal out of it”.

YES. BECAUSE IT IS A BIG DEAL. I WOULDN’T HAVE COME TO YOU IF IT WASNT A BIG FUCKING DEAL. AND SOMEHOW THIS IS MY FAULT ALL OVER AGAIN. YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH A PERSON LIKE YOU. I HATE THAT IM SO FUCKING RELIANT ON YOU TO FUCKING SURVIVE.

And now, during Christmas Break, a fucking old lady wants to mention, “yeah, around this time scholarship deadlines are coming up”. Oh yeah, just what I wanted to hear. I know that already, shit-for-brains. You heard me mention scholarship applications, you see me trying to make the effort, you think I don’t know that applications are coming up? Why the fuck do you think I brought my backpack with me on fucking holiday break? And then when I try to apply for scholarships and get ahead on things, listing out the different ones I want to apply to, my mom’s like, “Let me check grammar before you submit”. But as I’m sending you the stuff to let you check, you can’t because you’re in a meeting. And then I try to talk about how I can stay organized by making a spreadsheet and asking you to help, you’re like, “I promise we will work on it together while I’m off”. But then, when I say we could work on scholarship applications the next day after you get off from work, you’re like, “do we have to do it tomorrow?”. YES. YES WE DO, BECAUSE AT THIS POINT IM GONNA BE FUCKING DROWNING IN DEBT. IM GONNA HAVE TO WORK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THIS AFFECTS MY FUCKING FUTURE AND YOURE TREATING IT LIKE ITS A FUCKING SIDE JOB. AND YOU WANT TO YELL AT ME FOR PROCRASTINATING AND SAYING I NEED TO WORK ON TIME MANAGMENT, BUT YOU DONT WORK ON TIME MANAGMENT YOURSELF. YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FUCKING EXAMPLE— SOME SHIT OF AN EXAMPLE YOU ARE.

My holiday break isn’t even my own. I can’t relax, at all. Because if it’s not schoolwork, then it’s college applications or scholarship applications, and if it’s not those, it’s family.

Oh by the way, forgot to mention, MY FUCKING GRANDMOTHER IS LIVING WITH US NOW. YEAH, CUZ MY FUCKING MOTHER DECIDED TO JUST PICK HER UP AND BRING HER TO OUR HOUSE, AND NOT BRING HER BACK HOME BECAUSE SHE CANT LIVE BY HERSELF SINCE SHE HAS DEMENTIA. And now my fucking grandmothers insistent on going by home, arguing with my mother, and I’m expected to take sides as usual. My mom’s trying to get me to be on her side and understand her issue, but it’s like; you lied to her and told her all this shit and you expect her to be okay with it? You know how she gets and how stubborn she is about her own independence, what the fuck did you expect when you lie to her, tell her she’s not going home at the last minute, and expect her to just deal with it? You do this shit with everyone; you make decisions for other people and expect them to just suck it up and deal with it, just be subservient to all your fucking needs. This is why I hate you. You don’t let others make their own choices.

And I get it, because my grandmother is too unstable to live by herself. She forgets things and asks for stuff multiple times. She mixes up her own medicine. She creates these scenarios in her head and believes they’re real. And it’s even harder on my mom because my aunt doesn’t do jack shit besides paying for groceries once in a while, and even then it’s half-assed. But for fuck’s sake, you could have handled it differently instead of just bullshitting your way through. Sure she probably would have reacted the same, but at least it wouldn’t have the added effect of, “dealing with this shit at the last minute”, and “being lied to”.

And yeah. It’s almost Christmas too. That’s fun. Fucking fantastic.

Everything is happening all at once, I’m overwhelmed, stressed and so close to just relapsing heavily, and I’m just expected to be okay with it? Just expected to suck it up and deal with it because everyone else is going through this and it’s hard on everyone, not just me? Everyone just expects me to communicate with my mom, like it’s the easiest thing in the fucking world— but you don’t have to fucking live with her. She doesn’t see you the same way she sees me. And that’s the fucking problem.

I hate all of you. I hate this. I hate everything and everyone and I just want it all to be over. I’m sick of this.

#vent #tw #trigger warning #tw cursing #tw mention of self harm #mother knows best

[rrxnjun]

if i could i would fight the school system just so u would have the time and mood to write >:T but i'm glad u could write a bit and waiting for ur next fic!!!🥳🥳 (your post about a fic u are writing seems pretty fun :o and love jihoon as a side character!!!) AAA IM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT I WOULD LOVE TO READ TREASURE FICS FROM U ESPECIALLY THE JIHOON ONES HIHI!!! I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR UR FRIEND WHO CONVINCED U!!!!

hmmmm idk if its reveal vibe or not but my fav ep from them is the thrill ride ep (probably has a special place in my heart cuz that was my first cb with them lmao but that era was so well done and i really love the songs!!) i think their new ep is really great my favs are especially awake and savior aaanndd their breaking dawn album slaps as a whole i love it so muchhh and for my last recommendation from them would be survive the night which is a song that was fully written by sunwoo and it's definitely one of my favs (there is also a song from giuk featuring sunwoo that just dropped and u might like it if u are interested) and i really hope u will like some cuz idk if any of these would be the type of songs u would listen to;-; the last longer content i watched from them was come on the boyz but eric isn't in it cuz he was on a hiatus at the time:( but it's really fun! i also started to watch back the boyz timeout (and had to stop cuz school >:T) and that is also really good and everyone is there:D so i would recommend those if u want like a series (?) type of thing with them but for "shorter" contents their mafia games are very fun to watch!!! their idol human theater videos are great as well!!! and the last one i would say is they just made a video with the fo squad and that seemed very funny although i didn't have the time to watch it yet;-; (IM VERY SORRY ABOUT JUST RECOMMENDING SO MANY THINGS AND FOR THIS LONG ASS LIST I WENT A BIT OVERBOARD D: )

KEVIN IS SUCH A LOVELY GUY his bubble messages are usually either very funny or just very meaningful and his posts are always top tier🤌 i think he would just solidify his place in ur heart lmao and eric is just such a bestie material!!! well u know i just came in here in the middle of ur treasure era being like 🧍the boyz🧍and i don't want to interrupt u with just randomly talking about them 🧍(which i deff did so im sorry and sorry again for the long ass list of recs)

ooo god gifted kid burnouts suck so much;-; but tbh yeah the grade doesn't really matter just pass and get the paper in the end cuz that's the most important ig and u would get it with even just passing (although im just🤡 cuz i will never think like this sadly so) i don't think my experience will be different ngl;-; so im trying to get myself ready to just not be sad about it cuz it's bound to happen lmao

AHH UR REPLIES JUST MAKE ME SO HAPPY LIKE U READ MY LONG ASS RAMBLINGS AND U ARE ALWAYS SO LOVELY SO I JUST🥹🥹 I APPRECIATE U VERY MUCH!!!!!! (liebestraum anon💗💕💕 sorry for disappearing again☹️)

SJSJSJ its okay because the motivation is that once its over i have the whole summer to write is making me go through this more easily 😙😌 also im handling things a lot better than last semester LMAO so im good over here 🤞 DJSJ glad u liked the posts abt the fic so far, jihoon is kind of the main character unfortunatelt (he is in the fic more than mark i-) but the brainrot cant be helped. IM GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIEND TOO she's a real one 😙 i'll let u know abt the blog if i manage to set one up after all hihi

first comebacks with a group are always the most special istg i thought about this the other day. like for me rock with you, hot sauce and can't you see me? are really special too😭 i havent had time to listen to these but i promise that by the time we talk again i will and i'll have my reviews ready!! 😌😌 also i love how u can kinda get my music taste w western artists (like when u recommended me hungarian songs and were spot on) but w kpop u rlly cant tell😭😭😭 i love me some kpop group variety shows tbh so i will definitely watch all of these later !! DONT BE SORRY ABT RECOMMENDING SO MUCH I GET U IF I WAS ASKED FOR RECS FOR ANY OF MY FAV GROUPS I WOULDVE DONE THE SAME THING. i saw kevin's weverse (?) replies on tiktok today and i- 😭 my man is a comedian i love him. the same w eric. icons. SJSJS dont worry about interrupting my treasure era i can handle it (im also suddenly into cix as well so i can handle everyone atp)

and u get it u get it !!! like it does feel good to get academic validation from time to time (i got a 45/50 on my essay today❤❤❤) but as long as its not an F i do not feel disappointed. esp when i get reminded of the fact that im studying on one of the best unis in my country and that my major is actually kind of hard 💀💀 get ready for the terrors of university i mean u can expect it but actually experiencing it will be just as shitty so i just pray u dont take it as badly as i did for a lil while🤞 im here for u if that happens tho!!

always appreciating u and smiling at your asks, mwah mwah ‼

#💌ask #liebestraum anon