Tumgik
#i cant remember what it was like to not think about them constantly
caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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Suddenly realizing I've had seizures before :0 but this was just the first one where someone who knew what it was was there to witness it (my girlfriend)
That's so cool and definitely not terrifying /s
#for context i dont spasm uncontrollably like people imagine seizures#i think from the outside it probably just looks like im having a bunch of tics and staring intently and being unresponsive#but then afterwards i end up being really confused and disoriented and forgetful#so its been very easy to forget about the seizures i had in the past because i didnt remember them#until just recently when i was like 'huh that felt familiar-'#from my perspective though its like uh idk its really weird#its a bit different every time but just in general#i tend to be unresponsive even if i can tell whats happening around me#i cant talk or control what my body is doing but i know what part is moving (usually jerkinv my head or arms)#my muscles feel either really rigid or really lax#and then my vision gets so weird#everything is sparkly like colorful static and the edges of my vision gets really dark#and there's intermittent flashes of lights or floating shadows#it feels like im extremely focused and very spaced out at the same time#i keep describing it like my brain is smashing all the buttons at once cause thats what it feels like#its also kinda similar to the feeling of being electrocuted? but i dont think many of you will know what that feels like#hopefully you wont at least#i just happen to#its like a weird buzzing just under your skin that doesnt exactly hurt but doesnt exactly not hurt either#it would be like the pain of a constantly tightened muscle- not painful at first but like strenuous to endure ?#and thdn painful if it stays like that or gets worse#i feel like im not allowed to say i had a seizure because i cant go to doctors about it so i cant get diagnosed >_<#but the thing is not bei g diagnosed isnt gonna stop me from having them#yay denial /j#im hoping theyre just dissociative seizures because god i cannot deal with epilepsy on top of everything else rn#and also because i cant see doctors right now sooo#god im exhausted and scared but i feel like those words dont even measure up to how im doing right now#i dont know. im just enduring#thats all i can really do i think#but i hope i dont have to much longer...
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woosansang · 2 years
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.
#jazzy talks#delete later#hahahhahha who would have thought that avoiding going to a therapist for years would suddenly make it#extrmeley difficult for you to go back to a therapst hey#how does one even do therapy i dont remember#like hi hello nice to meet you i dont even know whats wrong with me half the time but sometimes i go mute and i think i have autism and#and ive been having a gender crisis for about three years also i want to date girls but dont want to talk to people#and i dont know if i actually had a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the world of if im just that lonely that ill make up#feelings but also every day that goes by when i dont speak to them i feel strange like not sad but i just want to talk to them#or anyone but also i dont want to talk to anyone lol how does tjat work#and i sort of hate my job but i sort of love it sometimes and im way too scared of change to move schools but i dont think#i can survive another year and a half at this school#also someone i havent seen in a few years told me yesterday that i look like ive lost weight which i have#but i drink like an australian and ive started snacking constantly again and i know that's going to reserve everything i worked so hard for#and i am self aware enough to know this yet i cant seem to stop lol#im moving out with my sister and her bf in a few months and idk if thats just going to make me realise even more how lonely i am#with my three and a half irl friends who never make the time to see me#who all tapped out of my birthday party bc they were tired or busy or whatever#when my sister and her bf want to do things without me i feel sad except thafs their relationship not mine#so instead i live on tumblr and photoshop and do badically nothing else for days in a row until the two of them want to do smth with me#im not improving in one of my dance classes and want to drop out of that class#and the dance class i teach is horible sometimes and also makes me want to stop taking them#i work at least an extra working day every single week if not more which is basivally seven days a week#and i want to use my money to travel and do things but the idea of taking that much time off work makes me feel#almost as anxious as actually going to work every day#i want to call my friends but i cant#i want to text my mutuals but i cant#i want to go to sleep but i cant stop thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow#where does the part come where you actually start living instead of just getting through the day bc its been like this for too many years#and i am just tired of it. i am so tired of it yet im going to do exactly nothing to fix it. sigh.
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akitsuneswife · 2 years
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vent in the tags
tw for mentions of eating disorders / suicide
#not my aunt demanding an apology after she found out i said that i felt like shit bc she constantly hurt me verbally when i was 14#she almost pushed me to have a ed. i actually used to wish and pray i would get one just so i'd be skinny just like she wanted me to be#i developed a lack of self esteem. depression. insomnia for an entire year. all i thought of was suicide.#yeah i made some shitty things that hurt my family once but it doesn't mean i dont care about them#but apparently i dont have the right to feel sad about things that haunt me to this day bc i dont have it as rough#worst thing of all is i will HAVE to apologize or she will cut me off but she will never acknowlodge that she hurt me#bc she did so much for me (which ok she did) but in her mind that absolves of all the shitty things she said to me#i dont even know if i want to be around her even if i apologize. what i did remember is why i dont share anything with my family#the reason i put walls in between them and the things i want to keep private. the way i can't trust them.#bc every fucking time i try to open up im fucking backstabbed and then im the one to blame#im the one to blame when im taken out of the closet without my consent. im the one to blame for being depressed.#im the one to blame when something bad happens to them and i dont show emotion the way they want.#and now im thinking about suicide again. every time it seems things will get better im dragged down.#im not going to do it. but i cant help but wish she could eat her words and carry them with her her whole life.#knowing she could've let all of this pass.
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spacebell · 9 months
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you know when you’re at that point when can’t stand someone that every little thing they do is so so annoying... that’s how i feel with my grandma right now
#sometime i feel like i am a horrible granddaughter (and i know im not the best one either#i dont even try sometimes bc i dont have a relationship with her growing up bc we moved when i was 4 i dont remember much of my childhood#i have very few memories of her and most of them are about her scolding someone)#also the image i have of her is what my mom had told me about how she was growing up. she wasnt a nurturing mother#i dont think the hit her kids but she wasnt warm and caring#i also know that she (my grandma) had a very hard childhood and overall life#so when i think about that i feel 100 times worse bc i know its not her fault that she's like this#but also when she's here my mom gets very very stresses bc their relationship is horrible#but she cant go bc she has doctor appointments and procedures that have to me done here#so im getting really annoyed by everything she does#she watches tv at full volume. she chews loudly and talks with her mouth full. she speaks really really loud#and its worse when shes speaking on the phone#she is incredibly stubborn and dismisses my mom constantly#she leaves cups with scraps on the kitchen counter and doesnt let anyone touch it bc she will drink them later (some have been there for a w#week before my mom throws them out)#also since shes been here we havent had the chance to go away for a weekend or to eat outside bc she doesnt like to leave the house#and when she wants to leave the house its when my mom is super busy (and i dont have my driver's license and tbh i wouldnt+#+want to go out with her either) so my mom ends up being the bad guy#shes been here for 5 months and shes not leaving anytime soon but i want her to leave#ok venting helped#mariana.txt
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tortademaracuya · 10 months
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i watched some urban exploration videos again today and while thinking how disrespectful and annoying the whole video was I remembered my OC lol he would fucking do all that shit
#i cant remember his username <\3 it was some edgy cringey shit on purpose#his actual name is Gregorio tho because he ahd a Gregorio face#he dresses like an eboy and is always pulling out weird shit to get attention#ends up getting into urban exploration and constantly sets up fake stuff and the tiktok kids eat it up#he always goes alone tho. because hes a jerk and has no friends and believes he can do everything better alone#i csnt decide if some ghost finally gets mad at him or if he just gets unlucky#but he ends up dying after falling during one of his explorations and getting trapped#hes in the middle of a live but no one attempts to help him. or thinks this is another one of his lies. so he dies all alone#hes like. those horrible content creators that are absolutely horrible but people hatewatch (or actually like seeing what he will do next)#like we r talking doxxing and sending death threats constantly type of behavior#he just can never stop bitching about everyone. everyhing is content for him. as long as it gets him views he doesnt care#he ends up becoming a ghost after that. the second he discovers the gravedigger's daughter can see him he starts haunting her#aka he annoys and bullies her everysingle day of her life and her meek ghost friend#i actually have a lot of silly doodles of this mfer i even intended to make him a sticker sheet. both in ghost and human form#i kind of miss doodling him it was therapeutic tbh#haunted.txt#gregorio (oc)#creepy content youtubers make videos about his case and it makes him mad as hell he cant capitalize on that. those r his views dammit!#if he could he would have done that deadtube thing lol#he has very unnerving eyes and likes staring at people to make them uncomfortable. both as a human and a ghost
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dykecadence · 11 months
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is there a word or fandom or something for people who are super into trailers for stuff? like people who really like how theyre edited/the vibe? am i weird? i have a whole youtube playlist of trailers i like and i dont even like all the movies. not just in the "oh okay this gets me excited for the movie" kind of way, its like the trailer is its own thing (and sometimes they are literally soooo different from the final product they might as well literally be different things) and theyre usually based on building up one theme or emotion to crescendo for the title splash and its like !!!! yeah!!!! thats movies baby!!!! the trailers just move me
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mrfoox · 1 year
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Oliver ranting about politics for 30 mins: that was a good talk (:
Me, who have said like nothing: (: nice
#miranda talking shit#Also: oliver: complaining that there are people who get money without giving the proper papers etc#Me: -crying bc i remember hpw fucking awful it is having to handle that and then still get called and questioned about it etc-#Oliver: what did i make you sad? Did i say something mean? Why are you sad????#Bro buddy... Im remembering the trauma of having to prove to the government im not mentally stable both by providing 15 different papers#And then having them call me constantly and wanting me to explain everything and i felt like some kind of impostor#I mean i get what he means theres probably a lot of people who gets money without providing all the correct things etc but like holy hell#Can also say theres probably a big amount of people who avoid even trying to get support they are entitled to bc they know its an#Exhausting battle. I probably wouldn't have bothered at all if i didnt get help from others to fix all the paperwork i needed to even apply#And even with that help it was so fucking daunting... Thinking about it gives me mad anxiety and makes me tear up its ridiculous :')#I could probably discuss this better if i didnt always feel like an impostor. I always feel like im faking everything and am abusing the#System and goverment money. Despite having add+autism along with deppression/anxiety disorders and i literally have doctors who have writtn#That miranda dont and cant function as normal people and need more help. Still im like... Oh no im faking... Im stealing...im a fraud...#I guess its bc its not... 'obviously' something wrong with me so i feel bad for even saying something. Its bc its me#Anyone else says the same things as me im like yeah thats understandable... But me? God no i am a waste of space and i should die
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madamefortressmommyy · 11 months
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If you are ever thinking of an autistic person and say to yourself "I never really have to make any/many accomodations for them."
Yeah.
That is because WE are the ones making the accomodations for YOU.
You always hear about how we need all this support and patience but no one ever talks about the sacrafices ASD people make for he NTs in our lives that they never even see or know about.
Oh, you think I am "well spoken?" Thats cuz i spent a ridiculous amount of time rehearsing my lines and facial expressions to make sure they meet your liking.
I don't seem to have any sensory issues? My guy, i have nerve damage from raw dogging the pain. You ever watch a lactose intolerant person eat dairy? They aint gonna shit their pants in front of you. You dont have to follow them into he bathroom to believe them.
Oh you mean you dont remember me ever having a meltdown? I locked myself on the bathroom to have my "temper tantrums" in private since i was 5 years old.
You think I dont stim? Let me roll up my sleeves and show you the gashes and scars from clawing myself under my shirt. The inside of my mouth looks like a crime scene. I can taste the blood. You cant. I would much rather be "squirming" or wearing very strong perfume but i know that bothers people so i find another way.
You think i am "smart?" Yeah i might be, but that is because i am constantly using my problem solving skills to quietly and covertly solve problems i am not "supposed" to have. Problems that would never even occur to you. Problems you would never even know about because i am fucking terrified of what people would say if they knew it takes me 3 hours to get dressed and shower sometimes.
I have given myself perminant nerve damage just because i was afraid to make other people even a little uncomfy.
You understand body language because it comes naturally to you.
I understand body language because it comes naturally to you.
We are not the same.
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etherealkissed88 · 6 months
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the reason why circumstances seem so annoying is because 1. your adding meaning to them 2. you are aware of them.
1. adding meaning to circumstances:
you dont realize that all “circumstances” and everything in the 3d, even the 3d itself, is neutral and literally doesnt come with any original meaning. meaning only comes when ego judges what the senses view. think about it: its all about perspective; two people both get 80% on their test. person A doesnt care because she decides its a neutral grade while person B freaks out because she thinks an 80% means she isnt smart enough since she believes she should have gotten a 100%. so person B cares and adds meaning to the score and even adds meaning to herself: “im not smart enough” “i should have studied harder” “i knew i was going to do bad”. person A doesnt add any meaning to it because she simply doesnt care, therefore she doesnt change her identity like person B did. person B still knows who she is and isnt letting a circumstance change her identity. when adding meaning to neutral circumstances, ofc you will feel annoying and you could feel like things are out of control because you are giving up your power to something that originally has no power.
2. being aware of circumstances:
ofc some circumstances can be right in your face and its something you cant ignore. but constantly being aware of them to the point where you start to believe them as true is what not to do. remember that life is a game and remember that you can instantly change circumstances. why do people manifest wealth in the most shitty circumstances for example, manifesting wealth while being homeless and neville goddard manifesting he was back home while being drafted in the war. circumstances never matter. you continuously accepting them as true is a no-no. when a circumstance hits you, realize it only exists because you are currently aware of it. things only exist when you become aware of them. you are aware of the your device you have right now but when you are sleeping and dreaming, this device doesnt exist because you arent aware of it anymore. circumstances are so temporary. the only thing giving them power is you and your fear of failure. if you keep being aware of something you dont want, ofc it will be annoying and it will seem like your stuck with it forever. thats a lie. circumstances are so easy to get over once you realize all of this is under your complete power of imagination and all you have to do is be aware of having what you want in imagination, instead of being aware and dwelling on circumstances.
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triptuckers · 4 months
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on the bottom of the lake - percy jackson
Request: yes! "I love ur writing!! could you write something w Percy helping anxious reader?? I’ve been super stressed lately and idk this show is keeping me sane lmao" Pairing:  Percy Jackson x reader Summary:  you've been stressed and percy knows the perfect way to help you relax Warnings:  reader being stressed, some swearing, anxiety Word count:  917 A/N: I drew so many pjo characters yesterday I cant wait to share them when I'm done with them :) thanks for your request, enjoy!
you don't know if you've ever felt like this. sure, you'd been stressed before. but now you're losing sleep over it. and not a few hours, just nights without zero sleep at all.
you've got a big project you need to do for school over the summer. if you call, it'll be your last strike and you'd be expelled. like it was your fault you had trouble reading and concentrating.
when you arrived at camp half-blood at the start of summer, you thought some of your worries would go away.
the opposite happened.
you saw everyone around you having a good time. they didn't have to worry about some project. they slept peacefully from night til morning.
even if you can't work on your project, you're constantly thinking about it. your mind never rests.
percy noticed you've been stressed and tries to talk to you about it, but you always shut him down. it's enough to think about it all the time, let alone talk about it.
after a couple of days, percy tries again. he really wants to help you, but he don't know why.
'hey, y/n?' says percy.
'what's up?' you say, looking up at him. you're supposed to help your cabin prepare for tonight's bonfire, but so far you're not helping much.
'about your project-'
'gods, will you leave it alone, percy!' you burst out. 'I think about that fucking project all day don't you start about it as well!'
percy takes a step back and you realise it's because of you.
'I'm sorry! sorry!' you say, getting up and grabbing one of his hands. 'I'm so sorry I didn't mean it.'
you feel tears slowly starting to fall.
'hey, it's okay.' says percy softly. he reaches up and brushes a tear from your cheek. 'want to go to the lake for a while?'
you nod. percy leads you to the lake. you close your eyes and let the breeze calm you down. but still the project is on your mind. if you go to your cabin now, you could get some work done.
percy tugs on your hand and you open your eyes to look at him.
'get in.' he says, nodding his head toward the lake.
'now?'
percy nods.
'percy, I don't want to go swimming right now.'
'do you trust me?'
'of course.'
'then get in.'
you sigh. what did you have to lose? maybe a swim would be nice.
'let me get my bathing suit.' you say.
'nope.' says percy, pulling you by your hand as he jumps in the lake. before you can stop him, you're pulled forward by his momentum. seconds later, the water surrounds you.
you want to yell at him for getting your clothes soaked, but you remember you're under water. once you get your bearings, you open your eyes, letting them get accustomed to the water.
you try to swim to the surface, but percy still holds on to your hand and pulls you further down, all the way to the bottom of the lake.
good for him, he's a poseidon kid. you aren't. you can't breathe underwater. surely percy knows that right?
he lets go of you hands and swims to the bottom of the lake.
you're going to have to go up for air soon.
you can see percy sitting down on the ocean floor, gesturing at you to join him. you squint your eyes. it looks like the water is less murky down there.
you let yourself sink down to percy's level. the water is less murky here because there is no water here.
'I didn't know you could do this.' you say, looking around the air bubble you're in.
'pretty cool, right?' says percy, smiling proudly.
'why are we here?'
'I mostly come here when I need to be alone. if you sit here in silence for a while, the fish will come up to you. and I always thought the waves are soothing to look at from down here.'
you look up and watch the waves for a while. sunlight pours through the water, giving it a soft glow.
you move closer to percy and rest your head on his shoulder.
the two of you sit there for a while. and percy was right. after some time, fish start to swim around your bubble.
percy tells you about the lake and the animals and after a while even two water nymphs come to say hello. percy knows them and introduces you to them.
you sit there for so long you lose track of time. it's getting late, so you decide to swim up to the surface.
normally you would have been soaked, but thanks to percy you're warm and dry.
you stifle a yawn as percy takes your hand in his and starts walking towards the cabins.
'thank you, that was nice.' you say.
'one of the bonuses of dating a poseidon kid.' says percy, lightly squeezing your hand.
he notices you hadn't talked about your project at all when you were in the lake. and you look genuinely tired. he hopes you can get at least one good nights sleep tonight.
'want to stay at my cabin tonight?' he says.
you smile and nod. 'yeah I'd like that.'
the two of you head to percy's cabin to get some sleep. and percy had been right, you got a good night of uninterrupted sleep. you dreamt of nothing but the comfort of the lake, and percy's presence next to you.
A/N:If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit
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kayseed · 2 years
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stuff in tags read if u want if u see. cannot stop you im just having a bad night and wanted to put a warning
#it is getting really bad tonight.#i would be lying if i said ive been doing alright for a while i just... havent brought it to light. ignored it#i just feel so... pathetic.#college failee#stuck in some fuckshit town#with no hope. job makes me sewer slidal ever time i have to wake up and go#and i cant even fix *that.*#constantly Constantly feeling like i am just on the BRINK of every single thing falling apart around me thinking for 20 or 30 minutes on#what to say to something. and just always always always believing it is the worst most damaging thing i couldve said.#that i am one wrong word from every thing and person i love and have loved just disspearing from my life again.#and outside of that. just being so hopeless. i will never get out of this state letalone town#i will never ever in my life feel the embrace of true unabashed love in any way it make come#i will never get a moment to just be happy about it all. that SOMETHING is looming over me to remember that#you know. this could all go horribly!-isms#and i can never ever ever talk to people about anything derectly. whats the point? itll weird them out. or make them sad. or distant#or angry or scared of me or something and i will be back at step one again in my life#alone and scared.#that i am some freak who thinks these things constantly never ever out of my head if even just a little bit#so DELUSIONAL always hearing and seeing this situations always always ALWAYS playing out and praying to some god i know would smite me#and oh but i have a good day one good day out of a year and i i smile and laugh and be happy and remember just always thinking#this is the last one i will EVER have. with people i love.#every time. and it makes me so sad. and so scares#and i just dont know what to do.#i just dont.#that i am just some villain. horrible person for thinking these things. that i deserve these things#because of some thing i mightve said or did wrong#and i just want to say sorry. a million times over#i am so so so sorry. to something or some one#i just am tired of feeling like this.#writing this through tears caused by myself wanting to just cry myself to sleep so i can fucking go back to work in 12 hours
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starrshaddow · 3 months
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part 2 of that university mizu i wrote
So you have her hoodie right?
Its so big on you btw (reaches your thighs) but it's also very comfy.
You're on your way home, on the bus. She waved at you goodbye from outside the window. Of course you waved back. Without her hoodie, she's just wearing a plain tee shirt.
It's not even cold in the bus.
Hell, its not even that cold outside too.
So u cant help but smile at her caring gesture.
Your hand goes up to your lips to suppress the big smile on your face.
then you realize her hoodie smells like her too.
Now her perfume is stuck on you too.
You could still smell her perfume even after you've taken off her hoodie
___
You texted her that you'll return it tomorrow. You both have your respective classes. she has morning class while you have afternoon classes.
Lmk if your class is done, im waiting outside ur building :))
That was your mesage an hour ago. She didnt respond.
You constantly looked at the time and checked her schedule, double thinking whether or not this is her actual building.
Ding!
I'm omw
it wasnt too long until she walked out of the building with her bag slung over her shoulder. You smile.
Then you notice there was someone else with her.
Whoever he was, he was creating years amount of stress on mizu's face
"Why'd you keep telling me to go away? Not like i'm going to scare her off! Or maybe you're scared. You scared she'd ditch you for me once she sees me? What? You scared?"
"shut up." mizu said through gritted teeth
Then her serious and annoyed expression quickly shifted to a more softer and gentler when she sees you.
Her brow relaxes and she stops walking fast, trying to escape her chatterbox of a 'friend'.
You smile at her and you wave.
You look at the man beside her a polite smile and an acknowledging nod.
You walk to Mizu to give her a paperbag
"thanks"
She looked confused as she peaked inside the paperbag
"its- uh, your hoodie," you point yourself, "the one you let me borrow? Remember? Yesterday?"
She huffed a laugh at your stammering
"i was hoping you're not going to return it."
Huh?
She gave you back the paperbag
"keep it."
You look at it in uncertainty, you glance at the man beside her who also seems kinda surprised, then to mizu who looks at you encouragingly.
Take it.
Is what she seems to say.
So you did, but unable to look her for long in the eye from being flustered.
"Thanks?" you laughed. "Do you want to have breakfast?"
"It's eleven."
You rolled your eyes
"then brunch."
Then you remembered her friend,
"oh,- uh, he can come with if he wants to! What's your name, by the way?"
"Taigen!-" "Absolutely not."
Taigen looked at Mizu like she just told him to go to hell. (she kind of did, in her mizu way)
even you were taken back by her cold COLD COLD voice.
"he's busy." mizu said with finality.
Taigen frowned
"What's with you? Can't i atleast meet your new friend? Its not everyday you get a new friend! Dude, come on!"
Mizu turns to him with a sharp glare behind her glasses.
Taigen huffs and walks away.
"Whatever. Fucking rude." then he smiles at you, a very good smile that probably has the intent in looking handsome. "My names Taigen by the way, if you ever get done with Mizu's bitchiness my number is-"
Mizu just pushed him away by his face and went to you, grabbed you by the hand and speed walked out of there (it was hard to keep up, she walks fast).
"he's something."
"something to get rid of, more of." she responded quickly, it made you laugh.
That was when you started asking her if she have other people in the uni she's close with. She said yes and told you about akemi and ringo.... and taigen.
"out of all of them, i like being with you the most."
GIRL COME ON
SHE'S SUPER INTO YOU BUT YOU DONT WANT TO JUMP INTO CONCLUSIONS
THIS UNI READER AND MIZU IS MAKING ME PULL OUT MY HAIR
Mizu: i am literally in love with you
Reader: oh haha i love my friends too
___
Mizu started introducing you to her friends one by one after that. She wasnt surprised to see you and ringo get along since you both share a very calm and kind vibe.
Akemi, you were a bit hesitant at first. I think you felt somewhat insecure? She just looks so pretty, and...
"Oh, this is (Y/n)? It's nice to finally meet you!"
But when she spoke to you and you start talking to her, she's a very interesting person. She's kind, have that fierceness in her, but honest and polite. She's cool, and you got along well with her.
Then there's taigen.
You didnt hate him, but he does get overwhelming at times. He does say funny comments.
You thought him and mizu's interaction was the best it can be but man, is seeing him, mizu, and akemi banter is the best.
It's like a sitcom. Insults thrown here and there which usually ends with taigen with his ego or face bruised.
___
the most memorable thing you two had was during a party
Its so full of people, like touching shoulders at how many there were and you were both just there to pop in and say hi to akemi, wish her a happy birthday. Stay a few hours and leave to hang out somewhere.
You two love doing that. going in a very extroverted place just to say you went only to leave early to do whatever introverted stuff you two want to do (like stop by the grocery because you needed to restock, or stop by the park on mizu's way home because there are cats there)
anyways, so there were so many people right?? And they were havng fun, its loud, they're dancing. and you're starting to feel bothered by them. You and mizu are holding hands to get through the people. You both want to go home but you still have to find akemi.
She stops to make sure you're close behind her, and just as you were about to catch up to her, the crows moves like a tidal wave you end up being caught in it like a fish caught in the currents.
You get shoved so hard that you let go of mizu's hand and end up stumbling forward.
Youre pressed up to someone
and youre too embarassed and too scared to look.
Then you smell their perfume
Mizu.
Your heart thumps.
And you stopped breathing when she shifts, so your head is tucked under her jaw. Her hand finding its way around your waist
it was like she was shielding you away from the people, a crowd that you hate so much.
She's warm. super warm
Or maybe its just you and your lesbian disaster tendencies?
The fact that your height difference was even made more obvious in this situation wasnt helping
Then the crowd shifts and finally there's space again.
And even when there was space, she didnt pull away.
So you did.
You pulled away because you didnt want to make her uncomfortable, not knowing she cherished every single second of it.
That was the first time you two even made physical contact. Like straight up somewhat intimate physical contact that goes more than hand holding and arm touches.
None of you mentioned it on the way home.
But you were both thinking about it.
(i bet mizu felt giddy over it but her face remained stoic lmao)
___
i think mizu thinks you dont like her back the same way she likes you. (come on, she might as well marry you at this point)
So i think what she did was she wanted to enjoy your presence and convesations and decided she'll tell you when she can see that you feel the same way. if you still dont reciprocate her feelings then she'll definitely court you (in a non obvious way) until you do
___
when she came over to your apartment it was when you definitely trust her lotsa to be there.
You guys watched movies in a projector. Overtime it made mizu sleepy and she drifted off.
You were so invested in the movie you just noticed it when you heard her low soft breathing. (she's quiet during the movie, she made little comments and remarks like "why would she go there? Is she stupid?")
SHES SO CUTE WHEN SHES ASLEEP OKAY
She looks so unguarded.
So you took your phone and snapped a pic. You even replaced her contacts picture to it.
Her hair was down today (rare times). You think it looks great on her too.
when she woke up, she was super embarassed and apologetic
"no, its fine! Dont worry about it." then you showed her her picture. "you look really cute by the way."
Mizu didnt know how to react??? But she did march towards you to grab your phone but you easily held it away and dodged her.
She gave up
so she stood there and looked you directly in the eyes. Face half amused and adoring
"you're such a fucking brat."
Then she left and went back to your couch. Her long hair swaying behind her.
i'd be lying if i said that statement lived rent free in your mind
That was the first time you heard her curse
___
if she went in your home, you did too in her dorm. it was during a school break. Her roommate was away visiting her family.
Turns out she lived closer to the uni than you. It's just a few minutes walk away.
it made you feel warm knowing she had to walk maybe ten minutes? just to wait for the bus with you, and walk another ten to go back here again.
She never mentioned it too
Mizu's a real clean freak kind of person, she wants everything to be organized. But you also learned she cant cook. She even burned a pasta, how do you burn a pasta?!
"i didnt know i had to boil water first."
"well what did you do first?"
She was silent then she turned away from you
"...i placed the pasta in a pan with oil."
You dont know what to say anymore
I think youre the one to teach her (other than ringo) how to cook.
Also when you both were cutting vegetables, mizu held her knife wrong so you'll correct her and teach her how.
"here, let me show you."
You held her and positioned the knife properly on her hand. While you explained and taught her how to easily slice a cabbage, you missed how she cheekily smiled.
We all know how great mizu is with a knife.
She just wanted a reason to hold your hand.
"ringo, i dont think i'll be going to your cooking lessons next week."
"what? why? Is my teaching skills not good?" ringo asked worriedly
"no, you're great, ringo. I just..." she smiled, "want to learn from someone else."
___
I think the gang had enough of you two pining each other like a bunch of idiots, so they all had the plan of getting you both drunk after exams under the excuse of 'celebrating'.
But it didnt work
Because you were incredibly responsible and drink slowly (two hours have passed and you're still drinking from the same glass)
While mizu didnt drink at all (she knows what they're doing and she doesnt like it because she wants you or her to confess during the right time and place while being sober. hell no is she going to drunkleny confess to you at the sidewalk).
The gang (mostly taigen) tried to force either of you to drink but it didnt work.
Akemi nudged taigen from under the table. And that was their cue to go to Plan B.
Plan B? Taigen starts hitting on you (was supposed to be inconspicuously but he's bad at being inconspicuous)
compliments you, jokes that made you laugh, and jabs of insults to mizu.
anyways, i think mizu got annoyed and went up to go to the bathroom.
You notice and excuse yourself from the group. You go after her.
She was cleaning her glasses with the end of her shirt when you got there.
You see the slight furrow in her brow and the tightness on her jaw.
You smile comfortingly at her.
"Wanna ditch this place with me?"
"You can stay. You look like you're enjoying yourself, anyways."
She doesn't return your smile like she usually do. She wasn't joking.
your smile falters and you slowly approach her.
"What do you mean? Of course i am, they're our friends."
I think mizu's upset because she's starting to think you really dont like her at all. Or maybe you just don't like a 'her' in general. You don't giggle the same way as you did to taigen, nor do your eyes shine when he compliments you.
She wants to leave and think.
Mizu sighs and turns to you
"i'm going. Tell them that for me."
"what?" you grab her hand when she walks past you. "Mizu, what- where are you doing? What's wrong?"
Should she say it?
Say how much she likes you that it's absolutely breaking seeing you not realize it?
She wanted to scoff.
Hell no. She's not going to admit just because fucking Taigen started hitting on you.
Then she looks at you, and just like that all her frustrations and annoyance washes away.
You looked genuinely upset and worried for her.
Your eyes are sad, and you're looking up to her like she just told you she's leaving forever.
Oh
She sees it now.
That all this time you have been looking at her differently, but she wasn't able to see it because she sees you all the time.
You look at her with so much longing and care that it made her feel weak.
So she holds your hand that's gripping her wrist and offers you a gentle smile.
"I'm going to tell them we're going. How's that?"
There it is.
Your heartfelt smile.
"Okay."
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patnpran · 11 months
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It's so funny to see people try to process Zac Oyama's whole vibe and style.
On one hand, you have the people who thinks Zac is so underrated and underappreciated. His whole silent and chill energy certainly adds to that perception. He always seems in tune to what the scene needs and elevates every scene he's in without needing to be flashy or center of attention but also constantly figures out where the plot is going. He tends to hide in the background until he has something hilarious and relevant to say.
I think that's what people are picking up on because every so often, he does his stuff as usual, and people remember how amazing he is and then you see another reddit post of Zac appreciation and how underrated he is and hey, I agree and i think everyone should be singing him praises more so im not complaining.
On the other hand, i feel like he is, and was, always one of the fan favorites. I remember them saying the compilation of Gorgug asking if people are his dad is the first viral dimension 20 thing. I wonder if there are even people here who doesnt love Zac Oyama. There is never a lack of love for him and his characters in the comments. Even in the College Humor skit era, people are always on the comments saying how funny and attractive they think he is.
I also feel like even the people on the table with him also love him and even mention in the early stuff that he's also a crew favorite. Even Matt, Aabria and Anjhali seem to be enjoying him a lot this season and I think it's the first time they play with him.
Anyway the bottomline here is that Zac is just a charismatic mf who has his way of stealthily stealing your heart and staying in your mind and I love him and yeah everyone should be appreciating and talking about him more because i cant be normal about him either.
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ramons-elevator · 6 months
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I wanna write a thousand essays on today about every team, but I feel like Bolas?? egg base and how they played today showcases their team very fucking well
First, the base was insane. If you didnt watch their streams recently, they weren’t 100% confident in their base. It wasnt as complete as they wanted it to be. It was half done and rushed at the last second.
But yet it was the most confusing and efficient base. Etoiles was mining at the base for like 15 mins, screaming about how he is confused on where the fuck the egg is. Hell, everyone including team Bolas hated the base because it was just awful to go through. And yet the other teams nearly found it like 4 times.
I feel like that Bolas in a whole. They are unpredictable and confusing. One of them says they dont wanna harm any farms yet another later on destroys a farm. Someone will say they are dirt poor while the other will say they are incredibly rich. They will light themselves on fire just to make sure you dont get want you want.
And yet they are careful with covering their tracks. They have so many different layers to their base to the point the other members are confused on what is what. They make sure everyone thinks they live on their old island. But yet they are prepared when someone finds their base and they have to move
Now going to how they all acted today holy shit
Foolish and Philza being sneaky rats and constantly climbing into Greens egg base. Foolish at one point was dead quiet as everyone around him was searching for him. Phil paragliding over and over again and just trying to hit them off their base.
Baghera being the agent of Chaos and fucking chasing people down with her chainsaw, having the time of her life. It was a terrifying image, but also an insane strat because he was destroying peoples armor. I remember Etoiles and Forever yelling about it being like what the fuck??
Charlie coming in last minute and doing what he can and just being himself. Chasing people down, only for them to one shot him. Just being in peoples way so they dont find the egg.
Cellbit being bloodthirsty and going for people, but hesitant when he saw Roier. He only hit when Roier hit him. Then constantly making sure no one saw the egg base and giving commands when things were getting scary
Jaiden helping out and kicking ass. Jaiden being in peoples ways so they dont spend more time at the egg base. Also just getting into fights as much as she can.
Who is to say if Phil killing the Egg statue is going to make a difference or not because we are just as blind as everyone else. We can make up as many theories at as we want, but you cant deny that team Bolas with the amazing help from team Soulfire deserve that win and that Cellbit and Foolish did an amazing job on the egg base.
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drawnfamiliarfaces · 7 months
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what would they look like as villains? I know that some have canonical versions, but I would like to see your intropritation (let's be honest, for most - the evil alterego is an exact copy, but only with a slightly modified color palette and frowning eyebrows)
(I'm sorry for my English)
oh, this was a wonderful ask to get on the eve of spooky month ;D im not god at villain (re)design but it was a fun thinking exercise! (also im assuming you were asking about HoMies xD so)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I mean, there is only so much one can do to remake protagonists into villains and yet still have them remain recognizable, so no wonder evil!versions often are just recolor/frowny sort, but I tried my best to be creative ;D
(and your english is alright! no worries)
also while you can imagine them being as villanous as you want in these designs, there are some little blurbs/backstories i made up for myself as I tried to design them, if you are interested (they are various shades of dark, since you know, tragic backstory and all that lol):
Kim Possible - Hero for Hire turned Mercenary for Money - Kim is widely known for her profeciency in hand-to-hand and quick thinking when on the jobs, but one time something went terribly wrong. Maybe client info was unreliable, or a freak accident, but as the result both Kim and Ron got hurt, leaving Ron in a hospital permanently, and Kim with scars and trauma. After that the girl who worked on favors and rides lost her trust/belief in goodness of people, becoming jaded by reality of a job she accidently found herself in. Kim changed into someone very cold and calculated, someone who started taking jobs that required using serious weapons instead of gadgets, and more importantly getting paid, so she could support her best friend (who is in coma and thus unable to influence this downwards spiral Kim find herself in).
(in contrast to canon!Kim's free flowing hair, she ties it back in order to never be distracted in crucial moment. has a lot of new scars due to more dangerous jobs. i still cant decide if she kills with her weapons or not, but she certainly learned to hurt people. also a very complicated relationship with Shego, since Kim is also a mercenary now, but Shego still remembers that girl she was and is conflicted about this new Kim)
Danny Fenton/Phantom - Ghostly Hero turned Ice Prince - s3e6 Urban Jungle turned out differently, when in the end, defeating Undergrowth, meant also hurting everyone he had been connected to at that moment (level of hurt depends on your preference for angst i guess lol), but anyway, Danny horrified by what he have done (and with memory of Dan still haunting him), still technically unstable with his Ice Powers, flees back into the Ghost Zone to the one place he knows he won't be able to hurt anyone. Sequestering himself in the Far Frozen, he goes full Elsa, and become a remote Ice Prince, that even Far Frozen Yetis are still nervous around, with his only contact being Frostbite. Slowly he wastes away, freezing from his powers not only physically but also like emotionally.
(fun (?) tidbit: fur on his new snow cape/coat is from yetis, unfortunate to wander too close to ice prince. so there are a bunch of partially bald yetis in far frozen lol. Danny is constantly covered in bits of ice and frost, since his ice powers are unstable due to emotional damage. Danny's crown is not a conscious choice, but rather a manifestation of Far Frozen starting to bond with Danny's ice core to become his lair and also sort of recognizing Danny as future Ghost King.)
Jake Long - American Dragon Guardian turned Corrupted by Dark Magic Dragon - Series Finale The Hong Kong Longs, ended differently, when Dark Dragon left a parting shot before he was inprisoned for another Millennium. Since meeting Jake, Dark Dragon has been interested in aquiring him as minion/apprentice(?), and had been steadily trying to sway him to his side. But as he lost he made a last ditch attempt, infecting Jake with Dark Magic. As the result, Jake now cannot control his Dragon Form, being steadily consummed by the Darkness and turning more Draconic as time passes, until he will become full Dragon all the time and under the thrall of Darkness. The change is harsh and as the result Jake falls into violent moments during which he hurt his loved ones that fight to keep him from changing. In one of his more lucid moments, Jake flees to hide away in order not to hurt anyone.
(it seems an interesting thought to expand on the possiblity that the Dragon form can overwhelm the human part and that it would associate with dark magic to succumb to its baser instincts, and also would be a great opening to all those wonderful draconic fan headcanons fandom made about Jake lol)
Ben Tennyson - Hero Wielder of Omnitrix turned Corrupted/Hacked Ultimatrix Unstable User - During Alien Force Ben tried multiple times to hack/meddle with Omnitrix settings, and when he continuously tried the same with Ultimatrix in Ultimate Alien, something has gone wrong. Ultimatrix has bonded deep into Ben's DNA and body, and now every change is felt acutely, not to mention the alien perceptions are now unfiltered and Ben recieves the raw experience of being a different speices/state. It comes to a point when it start to mess with his mind, only made worse by Dagon's reemergence and all the enemies. In the final showdown of Ultimate Enemy goes differently, how? no idea (again depends on your preference level of angst lol). But as the result, Ben, unstable and a little crazy, is on the run with his corrupted Ultimatrix, his reputation in tatters and is considered dangerous by Plumbers.
(i had a little extra idea of Omniverse continuation, where new Plumber Rook Blonko, now has to hunt his hero turned crazy tragic villain Ben Tennyson. Very emotional and angsty (and a bit gay lol), where Rook continuously trying to unsuccessfully catch crazy Ben and convince him to let Azimuth and plumbers to help him.)
Juniper Lee - Youngest Te Xuan Zhe turned Corrupted/Fallen Te Xuan Zhe - in this case in Out of the Past, what Ah-Mah Jasmine feared about Fallen Te Xuan Zhe Kay Yee managing to corrupt Jun has sort of came to pass. After defeating Kai Yee, being touched by the overwhelming power of Magical Elders has left its mark on Jun, as well as Kai Yee's words and Jasmine's initial fear about/distrust in Jun (she is like 11-12 people, it would FUCK HER UP MENTALLY???). As Jun goes through her rebellious teen phase, the unfairness of her trapped position as protector and the demands of it, grates on her more and more, and she finds refuge in studying magic. As the result, her magical ability grows and as her desire for freedom, and the smallest seed of corruption from the events of Out of the Past grow too. So in the end, Jun learns magic to wield it , like Kai Yee, but unlike Kai Yee, not just for battle, but for personal goal of freeing herself and any future Te Xuan Zhe of her family line.
(fun tidbit, Jun doesn't continue to dye her hair pink, instead she uses blood from battle ;D morbid i know but i couldnt help it i like the imagery of her passing her bloody hands through the white part to paint it. she has lightning scars all over her body, that appear only when she uses magic - a manifestation of her brush with orb of magic elders.)
Rex Salazar - Last Hope Against EVO turned Contained and Controlled Weapon of Providence - Rex's return 6 months after Breach transported him and his introduction to Black Knight goes very differently. Instead of prolonged mind games, Black Knight just imprisons Rex pretty much right away while he is vulnerable, content to attempt to trigger Rex's amnesia ad use the mind-control collar, to turn him into her mindless weapon. She was sorta successful? But with Ceaser on the inside, he managed, with the help of Six and Holiday, to free Rex, even if it was too late to save his mind. As the result, whatever reeducation Rex suffered from Black Knights left him instinctively reacting with force and in defense. The whole last part of the season goes very differently in this state, and the finale also ends differently, with Rex, overwhelmed with power of Omega Nanite (God) but in no mind to actually control it. So in the end he is forced to be contained as his friends and family try to figure out how to save him.
(the angst of mind-controlled Rex is something I enjoy, but since he canonically is immune to it, the idea of an induced amnesiac episode seemed like a best bet for this one, but with like double the angst since Six&Holiday would have to struggle not only with Rex being turned into amind-controlled weapon but also him not knowing them)
Randy Cunningham - Chosen Norrisvile Ninja turned Disgraced/Fallen Ex-Ninja - relatively early in his career, after accidently releasing Tengu and Howard getting possesed by it, Randy makes an ultimate sacrifice by burning the Ninja Mask in order to defeat Tengu. However, he didn't expect that Tengu-possesed Howard to be sealed away together and the Ninja title being taken away from him for his reckless (even if noble) decision. Frantic, because he lost two important parts of his life, his best friend and heroic purpose, Randy tries to get the reborn mask back, but it, along with the Ninjanomicon were spirited away by the Messenger to pass on to another candidate. And thus starts Randy's panicked downward spiral and frantic attempts to get back the mask in order to free Howard. Since he still has his memories, Randy trains to become a better fighter. He knows he has to fight the new ninja for the mask, since he believes the Ninjanomicon would advice strongly against New Ninja helping Randy free Howard. In school He becomes known as resident outcast with bad reputation who lost his best friend under suspicious circumstances, and magical underbelly of Norrisville another antagonist for the Ninja to battle. However he still retains an odd sense of honor about Ninja (because he was one) so when opportunities to team up with Sorcerer, McFist, Sorcereress come up, he either ignores them or uses them for his own goal. The closest thing to hit home for him was when Mac Antfee also tried to get mask back, but for his own selfish purposes unlike Randy, well, lets just say Randy was pissed.
(i feel bad since i practically nipped Randy's career right on the bud, unlike others, but this one felt like a good turning villain opportunity unlike season finale. also! the idea of Randy beng an antagonist to the next ninja, while struggling with his own goodness and desire to save Howard is incredibly interesting to me lol. also he got scars from Tengu)
Zak Saturday - Heroic Fighter for Cryptids turned Cryptid Kur re-Reborn - the last episode, where Argost took powers of Kur and subsequently Zak died for about 3 minutes, Zak didn't reawaken unscathed. Kur is not only powers to control Cryptids, it was a person once, and after Zak died and was ressurected, a part of Kur has come forth, because some part of Zak has been lost in his death. A changed Zak Saturday worries his family, with him being quiet and introspective, not to mention pale/golden eyed and slightly zombie-like from his brush with death. Inside, parts of Zak the Kid and Kur the Olden Cryptid mesh and mix, leaving this new Zak struggling with who he is. As time passes however, Zak the Kid is slowly loosing the battle with a much more powerful older part of the soul of Kur (it wouldnt normally happen but Zak the Kid lost a significant part of his spirit when he died, which was filled with Kur) slowly regain his abilities (like in TGAS). At some point a change happens, and Zak retreats from his family, starting to wander the world as two parts of him struggle for dominance.
(fun tidbit! Zak's outfit is the same from his future vision of him overtaking the world as Kur, it seemed approrpiate lol. Also for some reason I kept thinking of Van Kleiss (from Generator Rex) when designing evil!Zak. they kinda have the same vibe)
Jenny XJ-9 Wakeman - Robotic Hero of Earth turned Robotic Overlord - this is a bit of mixed influences from different points: in season finale Dr. Locust turns Dr. Wakeman's creation against her; Jenny's Older Brother Armagedroid; Vexus attempt to sway Jenny to her fellow robots side; the whole year where Jenny was mind-controlled by a bratty kid and everyone feared her and even her mother planned to create a new XJ-10 in order to defeat her; and also a bit random but that one time Jenny pretended to be a villain Ruby Rocket (hence the red color scheme with bits of Armagedroid/Cluster designs). I have a bit less clear timeline for this, but lets just say its gradual and that at some point a lot of manipulations Jenny suffered turned her against humanity and their use of her robotic brethern. While she does not desire to destroy humanity like her brother, she certainly lost her trust in it, and after a manipulation one time too many, she snaps, turns into a leveled up version of Ruby Rocket/Anti-hero persona, she takes her sisters and leaves to Cluster, where Vega welcomes her. Jenny still protects Earth, but admittingly from afar and in a more evil way I guess?? She loves her mother, but she struggles with Dr Wakeman's previous disregard of her siblings and just callous regard to her creations (Wakeman can be cold/serious/to-the point, without Jenny constantly reminding her that she wants to be like a normal girl).
(Jenny was the hardest, because I couldnt find a clear point of turning in the series for her, so I decided to go with gradual change of mind about humanity sort of deal.)
oof this turned a bit long lol, thank you anyone who read through this clusterfuck! As you can see i sort of went with 'Were a Hero - tragically turned Anti-Hero due to circumstances' kind of vibe, since Im just unable to imagine these guys be like trully horrible evil villains (and this way is more angsty, since, like Fallen Heroes and all that). Im not that creative lol. Anyway, i hope you were as entertained as i was when creating this haha ;D
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