#i cant read over this because i lost track of time and have to be in a zoom in three seconds oh god oh no

[pssyinboots]

The Dance- Wally Clark

ok this is my first time writing a full fic so i’m sorry if it’s bad,but please tell me what you think (also i didn’t know how to end this so it ends kinda abruptly)

you and wally have almost started dating about 100 times (it's actually 102 you've been keeping track). you guys even kissed on new years last year, but somehow someway you guys have never actually made it official. and then a new ghost appeared, maddie nears. and suddenly it felt like wally forgot about you and his only focus was maddie. you love maddie you really do,you're not the kind of girl to hate another girl just because you're almost boyfriend (of 102 times) decided to become fascinated with helping her live her death and solve her own murder.you’re trying to help her too.plus you guys have gotten super close, connecting over having crappy home lifes. you've seen how she helps the ghost and shows empathy towards all of them while also trying to figure out what happened to herself.

honestly you can understand why wally has become so enamored with her.it’s just been really hard to see wally spending all his time with her instead of you. he just wanted to help and make her feel welcomed and you knew that his intentions were pure. yet you still couldn’t help but envy her, especially when he chose to spend field day with her instead of with you breaking the tradition you guys have had for the past 5 years. but it's fine it's totally fine atleast y'all still have homecoming ,"so i asked maddie to go to homecoming", you swear you could of cried. your attention quickly transfer from the book you were reading to him. you look up to already see wally’s eyes on you trying to anticipate your reaction while gnawing on his lip."you asked maddie but we always go together, we've been going together for the last 5 years". you can tell wally is starting to get nervous, he's doing that thing where he slightly scrunches up his eyebrows and refuses to look at you."yeah i know but look it's only one night i just want to help her start living her death ya know and plus it's not like we won't be able to hangout too"

you're really trying to understand his point of view, but from where you're standing it just looks like he's leaving you behind and replacing you with funny, beautiful, kind, mysterious maddie nears. you quickly grab your book from the table, and hastily pushing your chair back causing it to make that horrendous scraping sound now you could stand up. "yeah ok i get it, you know what i actually have this thing i forgot about with rhonda so i have to go". before you can make a break for it wally grabs your arm, "hey are you sure you're ok", "yeah wally have fun with maddie i'll talk to you later".

you find rhonda in the teachers lounge with charlie, you probably looked like you got ran over by a car (again). as soon as you enter the room their attention falls onto you charlie is the first one to actually say something, “what’s wrong babes you look like you’ve seen a ghost”. rhonda rolls her eyes at his attempted joke before joining in “yeah cherry pop what’s up”. you try so hard not to look upset but you just couldn’t help it the guy you are in love with was replacing you with the new girl.“wally is taking maddie to the dance”. you tried so hard to keep you’re voice calm and level but you could hear it crack. “oh” they say in unison all you can do is flop down on the couch across from them.“yeah i think it’s actually over i lost him” you move your arm to cover your eyes now you can avoid their pity stares. “cherry pop you cant lose him, that boy is in love with you” charlie nods his head with that cute pity smile creeping onto his face. “yeah babes he is just trying to help maddie live her death and stuff you know he likes you and always has”. you peak at them over your arm,you really try to believe them, but there’s a part of you that been slowly growing over the past couple weeks that tells you that he’s done with the game that y’all are playing and he’s moving on. “yeah thanks guys i think im just going to go outside for a minute” you get up from the couch trying to avoid their stares and sympathy smiles and start your trek to the football field.

you lay down in the middle of the field and just stare up at the stars getting lost in your thoughts. you and wally used to always come out here when something was bothering one of you. it was your one true comfort, which meant a lot to you since there really aren’t too many comforting things about being dead and trapped in your high school. you were so far in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice wally laying down next to you. “heyy what’s up? rhonda came yelling at me to check up on you”, jumping slightly you turn your head to see wally already staring at you with that stupid cute concerned expression on his face .looking away from him you kneel up on your elbows sighing heavily hoping he’ll just drop it,but you can feel his stare burning into you. “ok so i know you’re just trying to help maddie, and i think that’s really sweet of you but i’m feeling sort of left behind”. you refuse to look at him scared of his reaction. you close your eyes tightly waiting for him to say something, “ohhh…… honestly i didn’t think the dance would be that big of a deal i mean we’ve been together for the past year and have been going to that dance together since you’ve got here and maddie’s never been so i thought it would be nice if i took her as friends ”.

your eyes pop open and you look at wally in shock “we’re together???”he cocks his head a bit raising his eyebrows “aren’t we?? we’ve been spending everyday together since you got here, im pretty sure you know more about me than my own mom.” he turns to his side now he can fully look at you.“yeah but wally you’ve never actually asked me to be your girlfriend ”. you look up at him with a confused expression trying hard to keep your head from exploding. “oh-i thought it was kind of just implied,remember new years when i said you were the best thing to ever happen to me and we kissed??” your face heats up reliving the memory. that was the best night of your life or well death. “of course i do but we never really talked about it since then”. “…oh ok that’s my bad. so then will you be my girlfriend??”. you swear your heart stopped. wally just looked at you smiling waiting patiently for a answer. “yes wally of course i’ll be your girlfriend” you swear you here him whisper thank god before he leans down now you guys were at eye level. your lips are about a centimeter apart, if either of you leans in anymore they would be touching. you watch wally’s eyes move between your lips and your eyes. “can i kiss you” he says softly while looking at your lips. you don’t bother responding just pulling him in by his gold chain. it was the best kiss either of you guys have ever had. it was way diffrent from the shy soft kiss you had on new years, this one was full of passion from the past 5 years.

you finally pulled away when you ran out of air and rested your forehead against his. he kisses your nose causing you to let out a soft chuckle and he slowly pulled away from you. “so should i tell maddie that she’s going to be third wheeling us at the dance ??” he questions while holding your hand running his thumb up and down your skin. you look up at him and quirk your eyebrow “you want me to go with y’all?? it’s ok wally i understand you can go with her as friends i just felt a little jealous”.he smiles at you and looks at you with adoration. “well technically she will be going with us.but yes there’s no way i’ll be hitting the dance without my girl.plus i can’t have you be jealous now can i ”.you just laugh and lean your head against his shoulder and he rests his head ontop of yours. “yes wally i’ll go to the dance with you.” “yes ok cool let’s go tell maddie” wally gets up aroubtly causing you to fall down into the grass “oof sorry babe” he gives you his hand to pull you up which you take and he leads you to go find maddie.

#school spirits #wally clark #wally clark x reader #milo manheim #school spirits one shot

[002yb]

reading your spicy jaydick headcanons like oomphhh

omega!jason is where its at!! especially jason with a big chest. its your average hard chest until dick starts fucking him and massaging it, and then it becomes softer and softer until he has to wear a during his heat because milk keeps coming through

if you cant tell, i love jason and his toddies

Dick is in the middle of his shift when he gets Jason's text: a pin of Jason's location alongside a series of messages that devolve from suggestive to concerning because Jason refuses to give context and tell Dick what's wrong. 'need u' becomes 'hurry’ becomes 'come alone’ becomes 'when i die again im coming back to haunt your alpha ass where are you'

Considering their pillow talk consists of casework, of course Dick's thoughts make an immediate leap to worst case scenarios. Just a few nights ago when Jason was coming down from his heat, the omega had been running through any number of pending caseloads he had, getting himself back on track from time lost and brushing off Dick's offers to assist because, 'you're welcome in my nest, not my territory, alpha.'

The pin is very much in Jason's territory, but the text is invitation enough, right?

Not that it matters. With little more than a mumble to his partner about how Dick needs to leave, he's grabbing his jacket and keys and jogging, running to get to his bike - to get to Gotham, to get to the Alley and to Jason. Dodging his coworkers as he texts Jason back because 'are you okay?' and 'on my way.’

A part of him wants to send one of their siblings despite Jason’s insistence it can only be Dick. If it's an emergency, if Jason is in danger, any of their siblings could be there faster to help until Dick can get there, himself. If not Tim, then Steph. If not Steph, Duke. Hell, Damian would burn the city down if need be. It's not like they don't have options.

All Dick gets in reply is a cryptic: 'death would be kinder than the mess i'm in rn'

Even through text, Dick picks up on Jason's usual brand of dark, dry humor and sarcasm. It doesn't speak much to Jason's safety or his condition, but whatever the mess is can't be too bad if Jason is texting and being ornery about it all.

Regardless of that assurance, Dick makes a forty minute drive in twenty and tracks Jason to a discreet alley off the main road. The omega has tucked himself away behind a dumpster and with how Jason curls in on himself, arms clutching his front, Dick's heart sinks in fear that Jason has been shot or something equally as terrible.

Dirt and grime be damned, Dick rushes to Jason and kneels in front of him - hands already running over him in a clinically concise check to look for any hurts.

It takes some coaxing, but when Jason lifts his head from his knees Dick startles because oh. Jason's face is flushed. There are actual tears welled up in his eyes, arms drawn around his chest and body curled forward as if to hide himself. It reminds Dick so much of when Jason was younger and despite the circumstances he feels charmed and endeared by the show of vulnerability and how Jason trusts him with it.

"It's okay, I've got you." Dick promises. "Tell me what's wrong."

Jason's upper lip lifts in a snarl and that sweet Robin Dick remembers from a lifetime ago falls away to the omega Dick falls in love with time and again. The vicious snarl wobbles soon enough though, wrought with whatever emotion it is Jason is feeling and then Jason keens with…mortification?

It startles Dick to attention, but what's more surprising is how Jason lowers his hands and - and - and-

Jason's top is soaked through. Wet with...

Dick swallows thickly. He can't stop staring. There's not a thought in his alpha brain besides how his omega is milking.

He starts to smile despite the circumstances and Jason smacks him for it, bemoaning Dick and his incessant kneading of Jason's tits and how this is all Dick's fucking fault. Fucking knothead alpha!

'It's natural!' Dick defends while shrugging off his jacket to wrap over Jason's shoulders and give the omega a sense of modesty and security.

But Dick really is a fucking knothead alpha. Discreet as he tries to be, he tries to smell the milk and Jason growls at him, too embarrassed to deal with Dick's antics in that moment because this has never happened before.

And Dick can't help himself again, he preens a bit. Taking pride in himself as an alpha and laughing when Jason slaps at him.

"Sorry, sorry," Dick apologizes, pulling Jason in for a hug to comfort him. The omega settles against him, but grumbles all the while, a constant rumble of displeasure over the inconvenience. Dick rubs his hand along Jason's back and kisses the side of his head, smiling brightly as he heaves a sigh, "Fuck, I was scared you were hurt."

"My pride is hurt." Jason complains and as an afterthought whines, "And my tits are so fucking tender."

"I can - " Dick starts.

Jason nips him and growls, "Not a fucking chance. You've had your fun, alpha."

"Fun's just starting, omega." Dick promises, nipping Jason's ear back in retaliation before pressing a kiss to Jason's cheek and resting their foreheads together. Nuzzling gently to soothe Jason's riled nerves. "Let's get you back to your nest first though, huh?"

#dickjay #jaydick #omegaverse #anon you've got fine taste #nothing better than some hot toddies

[intersectionalpraxis]

Person on X, formerly known as Twitter writes: Palestinian political prisoner held in solitary confinement by Israel for 11 years loses his mind cant recognise his own family. [source: @ broseph_stalin] Caption in video states: I forgot my family!!!! Israeli prisons which are graves for living Palestinians get the Palestinian prisoners body without soul. This Palestinian man spent 11 years in solitary confinement in Israeli prisons and as a result he lost his mind. He can't distinguish his family. [Brief video description: a man, possibly in his late 30s, or early 40s, is gently escorted by people, I am assuming to be his family. He wears a matching grey track pants and t-shirt, with slides. He has a large beard, and looks completely disoriented. The people around him gather, one person even strokes the top of his head. The Palestinian man just released seems numb; unable to interact and be affectionate with his family.]

The United Nations' Mandela Rules state CLEAR minimum standards for solitary confinement; that includes how those imprisoned should always be treated with dignity and care -and be protected from torture and abuse (although we know this is a systemic issue -and many prisons around the world are HORRENDOUS, I wanted to state here that it's 15 DAYS -that's the standard.

The United Nations Committee Against Torture established the excessive use of solitary confinement as a violation of the Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment-this man, like so many Palestinian prisoners, are undergoing cruel and inhumane treatments and are SUFFERING endlessly because violent settler-colonizers are keeping them in isolation and are torturing, abusing, and verbally assaulting them DAILY. Solitary confinement is also stated as a LAST RESORT:

"The Rules restrict the use of solitary confinement as a measure of last resort, to be used only in exceptional circumstances. Mandela found solitary confinement to be “the most forbidding aspect of prison life. There was no end and no beginning; there’s only one’s own mind, which can begin to play tricks”.  

Solitary confinement is a form of psychological torture. The effects will be SEVERE as more time passes. It is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, and to put any human being in that state for any period of time -and over a decade at that... is beyond depraved. I cannot imagine a decade of someone's life being spent completely isolated and void of contact from loved one's, from any stimulation and joy in life. Israel must have consequences to mass human rights violations, crimes against humanity, war crimes, genocide -do NOT stop posting about this. I have attached a few references/articles for those interested in reading about Mandela Rules and The United Nations Conventions against Torture.

End the violent occupation, ceasefire permanently, and free Palestine!

#feminist #feminism #social justice #palestine #freepalastine🇵🇸 #free palestine #free gaza #israel is committing genocide #israel is a terrorist state #israeli apartheid #israeli war crimes #settler colonialism #settler violence

[nicomrade]

I saw your tweet about Usogui happening in 2008, if so, on what date did Kaji and Baku meet? Since during the chapter 2 we can see on the horse race ticket it says 06/04/2006. If we assume that they are on the previous day, then Baku met Kaji on April 5, 2006.

oh anon you have insanely good eyes. i reread the first couple chapters trying to see if theres any time indications there n never noticed its right there on the ticket, so thank you for catching this! its kinda blurry but itd be 2006年4(?)6日, right? i cant read japanese i just vaguely know what dates look like so i cant tell what kanji is after the 4, im assuming its for the month

my 2008 claim comes from 2 places, one (the simplest) is during the air poker gamble its said eba died "10 years ago". we know he died in 1998, so air poker happens in 2008 (and so does everything else since radio tower since we know theres only 1 month between it and drop the handkerchief) but maybe this is supposed to be "almost 10 years/a decade" and the nuance was lost in translation?

the 2nd place i got it from (and what i first noticed, and ill admit its less precise ence why ill say i "guessed" it happens in 2008) is during the paper labyrinth gambles we can see the whiteboard w dates available for the gamble. uhm i realize this is kind of convoluted to explain why it takes place in X year, but heres the explanation in short

yukiide has a 10 year memory gap that he only woke up from 2 years ago. he wants to fill this gap through this gamble, therefor hes only offering dates FROM this 10 year memory gap. (chapter 83)

the dates range from may 1997 (at the earliest) and december 2006 (at the latest) thats almost a full 10 years length so there IS some wiggle room here but not a lot (chapters 84 and 89 give us the best views of the board)

SO yukii was unconscious until somewhere around late 2006/early 2007, and that was 2 years ago. so its AT LEAST 2008 in canon. i KNOW this isnt 100% solid proof cause itd mean if he woke up at the earliest on december 24th 2006, labyrinth takes place at the earliest on december 24th 2008? but we know what happens on that date thanks to the Eba death info, and its the protoporos arc! not labyrinth! so lets accept wiggle room into all of these indications ("eba died almost ten years ago", "i woke up roughly 2 years ago", "i was in a coma for about 10 years") i think its still a strong case for protoporos happening in 2008.

one last thing that might be my strongest point, but its out-of story info so i dont like defaulting to "the real world" as the definite truth-holder for fiction. but in this case, in usogui world there is a leap second added to january 1st of whatever year protoporos ends on. in the real world, there was a leap second added to 31st december 2008 (US time, january first 2009 for japan) in usogui its also said "its been 3 years since they last did it" which aligns with 2005 (2006 for japan) in the real world. (aside- protoporos cant end on january 1st 2006 since that ticket is dated to april 2006, no need to check if itd lign up with 2006 as the starting point) all the info about the leap second in chapter 525 aligns with my quick read through of the real world wikipedia page. again its not because it aligns with the real world that it HAS to be the truth (my own webcomic is not in sync with the real world moon phases, it doesnt make it NOT happen in 2023 all of a sudden though) which is why im NOT contesting the 2006 horse track ticket. it says 2006 therefor the story starts in 2006 end of discussion.

but it DOES brings up a super interesting question cause when i talked about this with people we all kind of assumed the story didnt take place in over a year & agreed on the 2008 confirmation with the eba line, but this would make the story span 2 years. when i read usogui again ill pay attention to time more (again) n try to get a coherent-ish timeline out of this seemingly 2 years gap? if anyone else has ideas about where all this time might be coming from you are also so so free to add your own speculation onto this. usoguis too big for me alone to remember everything about it no matter how many times i reread it lol.

though the simple answer is usogui started being published IRL in 2006 so the early chapters use 2006 as the placeholder year (including on the labyrinth whiteboard?) and then sako toshio changed his mind/forgot by the time he got to protoporos and made that 2008 to lign up with the real world leap second. i value what art has to bring to us over what the real world can bring to it so ill reject that notion but other people are free not to care as much as i do

#usogui #ask #anon #usogui timeline #this took forever to answer cause i had to go back in my files + private discord server to find my pages again orz #also i oddly appreciate messaging me on tumblr & not directly on twitter im more comfortable on tumblr LOL. hi anon from twitter :) 🐝 #usogui meta

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 271 - 308

There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most.

I think it’s kinda funny how people will be all over the meta parts of Homestuck but act like it didn’t start until like halfway through the comic when you have the Exiles who literally make use of the medium of the comic’s command system in-universe.

I gotta bring up this GameFAQ section, I haven’t been talking about it much because it’s mostly just Rose in her prosey words describing what’s been going on, but here we have uh

a choice of words???

Removing the lid signals the moment your life becomes a great whirling batshit pandemonium, somewhat resembling the chaos of an especially ethnic wedding. Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question "Who's mule is this?" at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality.

I just... what???? huh???? excuse me????? Rose???? Hussie???? what did you mean by this???? what the fuck are you talking about??? bro????

things are looking FUCKED.

Homestuck except John’s sprite is the side-side-side-villain of the entire story.

Homestuck except John’s sprite is a racist.

also what is he doing.

EB: no, i have to go! bye! TG: wait wait TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous TG: sending men in space for savin us TG: see which playa's more couragerous TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust TG: wait TG: uh TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he TG: ill have to make a rap about TG: i dont know TG: morgan freeman or something TG: being the president TG: itll be called TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore" TG: see youve got to fill me in on whats going on TG: so i have something to rap about besides all your dumbshit movies

I very much like the visual of Dave being completely alone without anyone to talk to and simply resorting to making up a shitty rap called "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore" which is such a CinemaSins-style film critic thing to say might I add.

I have to give partial credit to Homestuck for the inevitable modern day memeification of Barack Obama, it was ahead of its time.

SHOCK.

look at John smile as he talks to Jade, how adorable.

and then Dave is still fucking going.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption" TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned EB: aaaaaarrrgh! TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention

There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most.

haha yeah Rose imagine falling into the dark arts, ha.

her ass is READING‼

I’m a big fan of the fake Lovecraft lore going on here.

god these intro pages for the kids are so cool.

but this one is not the coolest, there is a cooler one.

and then we continue onward and OH MY GOD IS THAT DAAAVE STRIIIDERRRR FROM HOOOMMEESTUUUUUCK?????

#homestuck liveblog #hs liveblog #hs reread #liveblog #reread #live read #liveread #homestuck #hs1 #hs #home22tuck #Act 2 #Flash #dave strider #Beta Kids #Exiles #wayward vagabond #wv

[stownnn]

My brown eyed boy. 2/6/24

i’m not going to sit here and say we weren’t supposed to meet each other, or we came in each others life at a bad point. in ways i don’t believe that, that exist.

i think things happen for a reason, i read too many books and i know too many love songs to not have this imbedded into my brain.

i cant explain what i feel for you without putting it into writing, because when words fail me in the moment - they win after when they’re on paper.

to start off, i want to say i’m not broken and im not damaged. i have been through so much when it comes to love within the past… honestly my entire life. i never was loved properly and even when i was - the person and i weren’t able to love each other properly due to our current situations and my past i couldn’t let go of.

i have since let go of the past in many ways, i have moved on from things that has happened to me. i don’t associate them with every person that comes my way, family friend or significant other. i am utterly aware that everyone is different and that not everyone is the same.

but i have developed a response to things where if it comes up as history repeating itself, its a self defense fight or flight in me that is quick to just walk away - to walk away before i get more hurt.

im usually, typically, right away am ok. i don’t feel any empathy or remorse for doing what’s best for me - why would i when i know im protecting myself??.. but then there was you. who i instantly felt regret and felt the pain that came from doing that to you. i didn’t understand it and im still trying to. because even though i walked away and i said i needed space, i never was able too come to terms with the peace of it. there was only one time i felt this way and with one person, but there’s was more concern over their wellbeing cause they were mentally unwell.

with you, it was more. i worried about you, i wanted to be in your life, i enjoyed my time with you, and i saw you involved in my life more outside of a romantic relationship. even tho my romantic relationship with you was something that was overly passionate and strong on my end, since the moment i kissed you.

i can easily explain what kissing you felt like to me, but i don’t want it to be taken anyway. because no obviously i didn’t fall in love with you - love is simple but made out to be complicated to some people. love for me is something intense, meaningful and euphoric. it’s something that feels like a high, a good one that you don’t come down from and if it’s the good kind of love, it always feels that way. if it’s the bad kind, the euphoric feeling is mixed with overwhelming sadness, anger and anxiety. so no, i didn’t fall in love with you, it was way too soon. but i did have feelings for you.

kissing you felt like from standing in the cold December night to it suddenly bring a warm cool July breeze summer night. How perfect and soft your lips and kisses were that it made my head and thoughts go silent, as if nothing else was surrounding me. how when you kissed me and you spoke between the kisses telling me to let you know when i got home and to drive safe along with the feelings of your hands on my face. and when you pulled away and walked back to your apartment the feelings of your lips still lingered on mine, and the tingling of your hands on my face. how i lost track of my words and thoughts, and couldn’t process anything.

i knew i already liked you from how you spoke about music, in a different but similar way that i am. my music and passion comes from the sounds of guitars, bass and drums. the way the guitar can be plays in multiple ways and create different sounds with capos and notes on different frets and how notes can be changed played with a single guitar string. you got lost in your own music and style - and that was the first time i ever seen someone get lost in it like me. i don’t necessarily know if you find it an escape like i do because i can sit and play for hours on end, and be lost completely as if im the only person in the world playing - but from us listening to music and talking about it; seeing how you got and your passion, it seems pretty close to mine.

when it comes to what happened with us, i do wish i handled it better where i just stated i needed a break and space in a calming way - where i don’t feel as if we hate each other, or feel that we can never fix things or at least not for some time. i don’t believe im wrong with how i felt. i know i said my feelings are invalid here, from what you stated. i personally don’t believe that. i said it to make the fight end, but i don’t believe it. i was hurt and am still hurt. i’m hurt i was led on, im hurt you didn’t give me closure, im hurt from what i saw and heard - im hurt that i felt like i meant nothing to you. i’m hurt that, that night ever happened with us. and im not referring to what happened later that night when you kissed me down my neck and i let my self respect and boundaries go out the window - im only referring to spending the night, the laughter, the jokes, the playfulness, the snuggles, the kisses and how you looked at me after we kissed. How you were all over the place and then just stopped and turned around to grab my face and kiss me as if no time has passed and as if nothing happened. for you to not say the words “im not sure if this is what i want” and only said “i have a wall up and im proceeding with caution” making me believe that we were trying, broke my heart and confused me in so many ways i can’t explain. i felt like an idiot for thinking anything.

i can typically walk away without a problem, i can do it without giving closure. i can do it and not write a paragraph because the person knows what they did for me to walk away, an explanation for mistreatment is never needed to those who do it. but with you i found myself always writing one out, and that was because i wanted you to try to fight for me and us. i thought this is what you wanted and just played in my face, and i wanted to see if you fight and try but you just let me go each time. you wouldn’t handle it, you wouldn’t try to fix things, you wouldn’t try to have me calm down and see your side. you only said “i wish i knew this sooner so I could've change it” instead of “no stop let’s fix this now talk to me, don’t walk away from this” instead you added more fuel to the flame that i made by lighting a match and throwing it onto the gasoline you poured and you watched it burn.

you let me walk away. you let me leave. you let me cry. you let me go without giving closure like i asked. you allowed yourself to hurt me, with knowing all the pain and hurt i been through. you let my heart break, and me feel so unsure of myself and feel like an idiot. i just wanted you to fight for me to show me you cared, but you proved to me that you didn’t and don’t. from someone who said “i just want you happy” when i was going through my toughest battle mentally months before this happened, to someone who breaks my heart, and the worst part is i don’t think you understand or see that..

even with all this, i actually forgive you. i don’t know if you’ll ever come back into my life. i don’t know if i’ll ever put the wall down to let you. but oh my god, if i could rewind time, i would. i would go back to before anything happened. before i allowed myself to go numb for months, i would have allowed myself to let you in, maybe things would be different.

but i don’t believe you were ever a mistake or believe you came in my life at a wrong time. because even if i didn’t love you and with everything with us being short, like sand falling through my fingers and not being able to grasp any of it and stop it. you were my favorite one of all. my brown eyed dark fluffy hair boy, you were my favorite and will forever be my favorite.

i hope and pray that this really was never the end of us, i really truly do..

till we speak again.. always take care, always smile, always laugh, always succeed, and know i am always supporting you and randomly watching your streams and hoping and praying you succeed more than you ever imagined you could. my sweet handsome brown eyed boy. I hope you dont forget me and think of me whenever you see a dodge charger or see a loud dark hair Italian girl with big hazel eyes. I hope you think of me when you see a French bulldog. I hope you think of me when you see books. I hope you think of me when you see a cute couples post. I hope you think of me when you close your eyes and drift to sleep and remember who laid next to you last (if that was me..) I hope you always remember that short feisty girl, you playfully smacked your arm one too many times and than hugged you saying sorry because she felt bad. The girl who is stubborn, stressful, but beautiful. I hope you always remember me, as the girl who wanted nothing more than you and your time. I as well say this in a pure way, not an evil way. Because one thing I know for sure, whether or not we find our way back - I will never ever forget you. My brown eyed boy

#poetry #writing #writer #creative writing #late night thoughts #late night #romance #heartbreak #brown eyes #brown eyed boy #literature #writers on tumblr #writings #creative

[bridgyrose]

Recently divorced Ruby Rose (former Ruby Schnee) is trying out dating again. She meets a special someone who reignites the fire in her life, even though Weiss is clawing to get back with her.

Ruby sighed as she started to flip through a few dating applications on her scroll, swiping through a few pictures as they were recommended. After a few moments, she dropped her scroll down onto the table and leaned back with a groan. “Why does this have to be so hard?” 

“Because its only been a month since your divorce with Weiss,” Blake answered back. “Shouldnt you give yourself a bit more time before rushing back into a relationship?” 

“Probably. But… I dont know, maybe the divorce didnt hit me as hard as I thought it would. I love Weiss, but we lost the passion we had and it felt like a relief for us to finally end it. I… I think I’ve been ready to date again for a lot longer.” 

“Then maybe I can set you up with someone.” 

“I’m not going on a blind date.” 

Blake grinned a bit and pulled out her scroll. “It wouldnt exactly be blind. You remember Ilia, right?” 

Ruby slowly took Blake’s scroll and looked over the picture of Ilia, pausing for a moment. It had been a few years since she last talked to her, only briefly as an acquaintance when Blake brought her around to help with a few changes in Vale. “She’s still single?” 

“She’s a bit picky with who she dates. But I’m sure she’ll like you.” 

“So you dont know.” 

“Its hard to get a read on who she likes or what she likes in a person.” Blake sighed and took her scroll back from Ruby. “I’ll talk to her and see if she’ll agree to go on a date with you. Worst case, she says no and there’s no time wasted.” 

Ruby nodded and smiled a bit. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot. But if she says no, then you have to agree to no more set ups.” 

“Just as long as you quit complaining about your dating luck.” 

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weiss paced around with her scroll in hand, flipping through flower shops. “She’ll take me back, I just need to make sure I have the right things.” 

Yang rolled her eyes. “Werent you the one who wanted the divorce in the first place?” 

“It was mutual at the time,” Weiss said as she stopped in her tracks. “But I need her back in my life. I… I didnt realize what I was messing up at first.” 

“Then you’ll have to talk to her.” 

“I cant just talk to her about it! I… I have to set things right and make sure everything is perfect when I talk to her again! Which is why I came to you for help.” 

“And why would I help you?” Yang asked as she folded her arms with a scowl. “You’re the one who started talking about a divorce a year ago! You’re lucky I’m not trying to hurt you for putting Ruby through all of that!” 

Weiss sighed and sat down. “Because you know that if I was trying to hurt Ruby, you wouldnt have even bothered to let me talk to you in the first place. I… I know I messed up. I threw myself into my work and I know she wasnt happy with our marriage. I thought I was doing the right thing with the divorce, but now… now I realize where my mistake was. And I want to make it right with her and start over.” 

Yang pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to stop you from trying to get Ruby back, but I’m not going to help you. As far as I care, that ship has sailed and sunk. But I swear to the gods, if you hurt her-” 

“I wont hurt her.” Weiss gave a small smile. “I promise, I wont hurt Ruby again.” 

“Fine.” Yang stood up and started to walk out. “But you’re on your own.” 

“Can you at least tell me the name of the bakery she likes-” 

“No.” 

Weiss winced as she heard the door slam, nearly dropping her scroll. She crossed Yang’s name off her list and stared at the ever shrinking list of names that she thought she could go to for help. Jaune, Yang, Nora, and Pyrrha refused to help, more than justified in being upset at her, Blake never got back to her, which left Ren, Neon, Flynt, and Penny as her only options to help win Ruby’s heart. She sunk back into her chair and started to run through the bakeries in Vale as she tried to figure out how to ask Penny for help. “I’ll get this right and I’ll get her back. No matter what it takes.”

#ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #drabbles #rwby #divorce au

[impending-day]

Why Three Legged Dog by The Bengsons is a DL!Pearl song, an essay

hello, people of tumblr. i propose to you this.

i will be touching on the following points throughout this essay:

the dog metaphor

the dependency of another person

various other lyricism examples

the vocal quality

1. The Dog

if you cant tell, this song is called three legged dog. the singer, abigail, talks about being a dog caught in a trap (could be interpreted as the life series, or the specific soulmate aspect. more on that later). there isnt much more to it. shes a dog caught in a trap, and shes gonna chew off her foot to get free.

2. The Trap

her soulmate, scott, left her. and she never got over it, no matter how hard she wanted to, thanks to the soulmate mechanic. she was left hurt and stranded, forced to make do with the situation she found herself in.

now for some lyrics:

When we met, I broke in pieces And half of me went into you When you go, my shards will scatter Half of me is dying too

this is peak double life pearl. absolute peak double life pearl. she lost part of herself seeing scott and cleo team. she actively hurt herself, just so scott would hurt too. but in that, the same applies. when scott gets hurt, so does she.

I'm supposed to just keep walking I'm supposed to just move on No, I can't breathe without him l'll be nothing, yeah, I'1l be nothing yeah Oh when he's gone, when he's gone

she makes it her mission to mess with scott. she practically goes insane messing with scott. shes stuck like glue to him, even when he kept brushing her off for someone else.

l'Il be a pile of salt I'll be a river of salt

same as before: she doesnt get over his betrayal. at all. she holds that grudge- she holds lots of grudges- until the end of the line.

3. Other Lyrics

if im being honest, for these i dont have reasons. take them as they are. they fit.

I'm a dog in a trap I'm gonna chew off my foot And leave it behind Leave it behind in the ashes and in the soot

kinda fitting. you see it right.

I can't do it anymore I'm not strong enough for this I never, I never said that I could Well I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I Can't I can't I can't I can't I'm sorry

more on this in the fourth section.

I could leave this pain, I could leave this pain behind I could leave this behind Erase, erase my mind, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna rip my flesh I'm gonna, I'm gonna set myself Free! Free...

4. The Delivery

abigail is an incredibly talented vocalist. the track begins with her singing in a rather reserved way, but once she starts talking about the pain of the trap, the intensity picks up.

i would love to note the delivery of "i'd be a three legged dog." she says it three times in a row, and each has its own emotion. the first is ruefully factual, the second is the weight settling in, the third is cracking under the pressure.

and then comes the "i can't do it anymore" lines. theyre delivered in a way where you can hear the pain shes going through. its almost difficult to listen to because of how raw they are. they only get more unhinged when the other party is mentioned, such as the "half of me is dying, too" line.

she sounds desperate to "leave this pain behind," especially in the "erase, erase my mind" line (one of my favorites). and once she does, theres a moment of pause. the acknowledgement that she set herself free in one way, but part of her remains stuck.

thus, the "i'm supposed to just keep walking" lines, all the way to the end. shes still so bitter to the person who did this to her. she laments becoming a three legged dog, though it gave her freedom.

overall, one of my favorite vocal performances of all time.

and with that, my essay concludes. thank you for reading 🫡

#trafficblr #traffic series #double life #double life smp #dlsmp #dlsmp pearl #double life pearl #pearlescentmoon #double life analysis #dl pearl #dl pearl analysis #the bengsons #song essay #Spotify

[youabandonedthem]

Slick dog ownership history and detailed breakdown

this is a story about a few of slicks dogs that he captures from various sources and takes home and how long they get to live before droog has had it and cooks them and serves them for dinner (based on a true story)

there is a timelapse of a few months between each dog but the time may vary. the photos represent the approximate appearance matching the breed

Mikey Fags

Slick found it in an alley and took it to the hideout where deuce named it Mikey and it began humping droog’s leg so slick christened it Mikey Fags. he calls it “he” and kept the name even after boxcars checked and found out that it is "actually a bitch." Boxcars actually respects it and calls it she and deuce interchangeably uses he or she or sometimes they when he cant remember .

it lives chained to a wallpost outside their house and subsists on a nutritionally complete (for dogs) diet of slicks leftovers because he has a jordan Peterson diet. He lets it inside sometimes but droog HATES this and resolves to cook it around the 3rd time it enters and he finds a singular dog hair on his tie. Deuce also built a "nice doghouse" but the chain doesnt reach and whenever it rains she curls up outside the entrance sad and whet.

Slick sees this scene one day when he goes to feed it during a storm and lets it inside where it proceeds to shake off all the mud and wet onto their furniture and walls. Then droog walks in and just stares and the dog is so excited to see him and runs up tracking mud and dripping and jumps up and puts its muddy paws on his shoulders. it possibly licks his face. that moment seals her fate as tomorrows dinner. Mikey Fags is cooked by the next day. slick wonders where he went and Droog says it must have gotten lost in the rain...

The universal trait of these dogs that slick picks up is that they are drooglet loving animals even though he grabs them by the neck to shove them away from him and does not indulge them with any treats or attention. when he is sitting reading his newspaper the dog will trot up to him and he keeps angling his newspaper to block it out. the dog inserts its head onto his lap and he will put his hand on its face and slowly push it away. The dog will climb onto his lap and he pushes it off. the scene is like when patriarches are against getting a puppy until it arrives and it's so loving and cute that he becomes its biggest fan but instead of smiling and laughing and falling in love for the first time as it licks his face with soppy tongue he just snaps its neck.

Jorje

mexican hairless that lived in a pet shop in a big money district. slick has been eyeing it in the windows for weeks and convinced the crew to rob the store but while they're getting the cash he just takes the dog and says some shit about oh they can hold it for ransom or sell it off on the dark web since it's a rare exotic breed theyll get fat cash. then it ends up staying at the hideout for excessively long before droog deals with it. This one also managed to evade his wrath for longer due to not having hair (aside from the mohawk) to get onto his clothes but enough is enough...

When they bring it home these are the crew's reactions: Deuce says aww he's so cute it's sad we havta sell em awww can we keep em boss awww. Boxcars comments on how a dog could be worth so much it's just a dog. Droog has narrowed eyes and saw through slick since the beginning (not that boxcars didn't but droog is the one to be offended over this) but all he says is that he should get rid of it quickly and find people who will buy it. Slick is debating over what to name it shortly afterwards and whinging to droog, what do i name it, it's a MEXICAN... Droog does not look up from his paper and says give it a mexican name. why are you naming it when we're selling it soon. Slick is already researching mexican names and remembers the name of the last hispanic person he talked to and christens it Jorje except he pronounces it JorJay. Deuce interprets this as georgie. Boxcars knows the name is supposed to be jorje but when he refers to it he just says ...georgie. Droog does not refer to it or any of the other dogs by name.

It is obvious slick will not look for any prospective buyers himself so droog does this and tells him he's contacted so and so about the dog and they seem interested... Slick's eyes go wide for a second and he almost says WHATT?!? but he says Yeah, of course, good. Droog begins to arrange meetups with the possible buyers that slick thwarts without fail so that they'll always back out. it is like a little game they play with each other without talking about it once even though they both know the other knows exactly what theyre doing. Slick will be the one supposed to bring it to the meeting and he comes half an hour late lumbering by with the dog on a pink leash with heartpattern and yelling AAWWWAAW AAUUHH HHH AWAWAWW making a show of it nipping his arm with its teeth and then he gets there and it immediately pisses and then bites a buyers arm. droog is staring. Slick launches into a story hysterically fake laughing and says aww this one time, this is such a great story I love this fucking thing, this one time it shat all over the new couch...and before i could even clean it up, it tore the whole thing to SHREDS so i didnt even have to!!! classic JOR-JAYYY

When the buyers obviously reject they're both walking home. droog is silent and slick is laughing going AWW that went HORRIBLY!!! did you see the look on their faces when i told them about the special texture of its shits hahaha i guess we have to keep this thing now until the next masochist comes up i mean what, a, shame. hahaha!!! Then he begins open mouth kissing the

Anyway the teaching of these aggressive tactics eventually lead to jorje chewing or pissing on droog's hat or one of his jackets which signals the end for him. Droog says the felt killed it and it was very unfortunate because it was such an expensive dog.

of corpse there are a lot more doglets that slick finds and droog cooks but the basic idea is conveyed and there can be addendums in the future. although a lot of them probably have a similar story to mikey fags so any outliers can be the ones to be noted. There are a few more potential dogs for slick:

^^^General way that they look when slick plucks them from the street

#spades slick #diamonds droog #dog #homestuck #midnight crew

[logically-asexual]

im just so intrigued by the fact that i wasn’t able to understand a single movie or book i watched or read as a kid. i could never keep track of the story or the characters.

ramble got long putting it under a read more

i always felt like when you tap on the first episode of a show on netflix but for some reason it starts playing the first episode of their latest season and you’re super confused about everything because there’s three seasons of lore you’re missing.

i don’t remember the story of a single book we read in school. i remember short scenes here and there that surprised me or made me feel emotional for some reason but that’s it. i never knew the context. i never understood the whole story. i don’t know how i ever passed spanish or english class.

for a while we used to go to the library and they would read to us a chapter of a book each week and i could never pay attention. i just remember zoning out staring at my nails or the table or anything. we read the hobbit that way i think and i always felt like i had missed a class and very important info with it but no. i hadn’t.

silent reading time was also torture. i couldn’t read i also just stared at nothing for twenty minutes and it was excruciating.

and i also cant remember any movies i watched at the cinema. i remember when we got together to watch the hunger games (and i had allegedly read the book) and everyone was talking about what the movie adaptation did or didn’t include and i was so absolutely lost. no idea what anyone was talking about.

the only thing about my childhood i remember understanding and processing alright was tv shows. i perfectly remember nick sitcoms and cartoons. i think it has to do with the fact that i could watch those over and over again before a new season aired, so i got enough time and repetition to seal stuff in my memory.

i don’t know. i think that wasn’t normal probably. then one day some time after eight grade maybe i was just randomly granted the gift Understanding Media. well. mostly movies, i still struggled with reading in high school. i remember i never read things fall apart, but a children version of the book i had for some reason, and i passed somehow. i still don’t know what the book was about.

i remember my piano teacher saying when i was fourteen that i was at an age when i should read so much because teens are so emotional (in a good way) and full of wonder so romantic (as in romanticism, not romance) stories were great for letting all that bloom or whatever. but that only made me feel bad because i felt how time was slipping away from me and i was missing my chance at enjoying a big chunk of literature.

i don’t think i have adhd or some kind of disorder that could cause that level of inattentiveness but who knows. if i did then why can i suddenly understand movies and stuff? did my brain just develop too late in that aspect?

i usually attribute apparent adhd symptoms from my childhood to anxiety and burnout. because it’s way more likely since i’ve always been anxious and the executive dysfunction and lack of memory can easily be explained by anxiety too. but this thing about the movies and books remains unexplained and i don’t know if i will ever truly know what happened there. and also adhd seems to come with this “hyperfixations and obsessive consumption of media” thing that is exactly the opposite of my entire life experience. that’s the main reason i steer away from the term.

i am trying to actually read now. i know it’s an insane thing for a 22 year old to say but i don’t know when the last time i read something that wasn’t a textbook was before dracula daily. now that it’s over i’ve proved that my brain can keep track of a written story, at least when it is serialized and i have time to process its parts like with the kids tv shows.

i want to read more to get out of this hole. but i also want to know why the hell i am in this hole in the first place. i have almost nothing to look back on nostalgically like people who loved star wars as kids and made their own halloween costumes and had a toy collection and more. i just watched sitcoms and cartoons to laugh and escape from the world, not to understand any themes or messages. i feel like something was stolen from me and i’ll never get it back.

#anyway i signed up for the substack that will send you moby dick over the course of two years #i don’t think i’ll make it but one can dream right #vent

[rheaweary]

beyond the fleeting gales by crying is no joke the best album i have ever heard in my entire life, like both for personal and objective reasons. the album art is somewhat crude and might put people off about the quality of the music but it seems to be an ongoing joke the band members have going on bcs Look at this shirt lmfao.

the first tracks honestly the only one that I initially did not like listening to because it takes a while to pick up, but over time I’ve come to appreciate it as part of crying’s ability to have a setup and a payoff that’s unpredictable and unbelievably euphoric when it hits you. There are several microexamples of this within every single track on the album, my favorites being in ‘well and spring’ and ‘wool in the wash’, by foreshadowing the final chorus with 2 or 3 lush choruses before it that showcase a new direction in the sound pallet, but leave a bit more to be desired. this is no problem though because that desire is WAY more than met by the end of the song with an explosive final chorus that can only be described as being continuously pummeled by a professional boxer and peaceful waves on a beach at the same time. this method crying uses sticks with me personally because as a musician myself i often find myself making things that i wish i had a way of expanding upon more because i know they have potential, but im just a weak little thang though so it takes a lot of time and effort to make any kind of progress and i usually end up scrapping things. i think that’s one of the common struggles associated with being a musician, but crying’s riffs consistently flesh out their ideas and fully realize them in every single song in BTFG. And they *know* that they can because of the intentional foreshadowing to the epic ending chorus with the little mini choruses. it’s awesome and fresh even after countless listens because the pacing in every concept is so expertly built up to, and none of the grand choruses feel like a truck hitting you in a bad way. its definitely still a truck. but you know youre abt to be hit by it, and know itll feel good. what even is this analogy anyway. im gonna return to the album cover i brought up at the start. have you ever like looked at a piece of art for so long u start seeing things that might not be there? i feel like the album cover for BTFG does this because the painting kinda sucks but i find it to be full of life and revitalized by the music; im finding qualities of it that i like because the music gave that extra dimension to it by association. in a way i think the album cover is like one of those prechoruses that leave more to be desired but are inevitably met by the bandmembers’ artistic vision and confidence plus Skill cos i cant undermine how freaking technical every single moving part of every song is, even the minimal parts bring out a new component. the vocals take the spotlight and turn the vibe knobs to 10 whenever the synths dwindle to the little analog bweep bwoop thingys, and the syncopation with the keys and the guitar is absolutely nuts, especially in solos like the one in wool in the wash. i read a comment once that that song made the OP straightup cry and they couldnt understand why, and that’s exactly the beauty that the songs i BTFG consistently pull through on. I have this thing where i really struggle piecing lyrics/movie dialogue together without captions and even then I really *feel* the passion and vision that the bandmembers wanted to convey. it oozes out of every single second, and so many ideas are packed into each section. sometimes it does feel busy but idec cos it sounds good and thats also just a statement to how much these people love their craft. they put all this time and crammed it into every second, like it all HAD to be there at once before they lost it or something. im kinda the same with my writing style lol but no english teachers grading this so 🖕the lyrics are also some of those poetic interpretable kinda deal, or maybe theyre not and im dumb but Idc. I interpret them to conflicts in my life and they r a nice place to go to to swim in some of my less nice thoughts comfortably, and i think the only other album that’s ever done that for me is vdc by sweet trip. i can keep going but ya this is what happens when nobody responds to me spam posting songs on twitter LOL. thanks for reading

#crying #crying band #album #album review #music review #music #prog #beyond the fleeting gales #crying beyond the fleeting gales #btfg crying #crying btfg #beyond the fleeting gales crying #best album evrrr #i hit the word limit and didnt wanna make a second post so i stopped waahh #listen to this album u wont regret it #one of the best things 2 happen to me #my gender is wool in the wash by crying

[spacentimecreature]

@aomitois SO HAHA FUNNY THING

i got your ask but i cant answer nbecvaise tuimnlr is stpid

OKAY OKAY OKAY

Congrats my brain is buzzing at the speed of light. And honestly? Yeah I completely agree. Romfan, especially manhwas, ALLLLLL are extremely similar and it's. FAIRLY SAD. COME OOOOOOON WHERES THE "im going to make my own country, fuck you" people? where's the "so turns out i was born dirt poor, and im ambitious" stories? wheres the "IM A FUCKING WAR CRIMINAL AND I NEED TO ESCAPE BEFORE I DIE BECAUSE PAST ME WAS AN IDIOT" stories??????

SOooo, out of spite, what if we combined 1 and 2? We already know canon is weird SO if we take that as permission to make any orv au as fucked as canon,

Yoo Jonghyuk corrupts Kim Dokja who corrupts Yoo Jonghyuk who-

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN YET. Okay so- lets start with 1 actually akjshajkhs

Kim Dokja has little luck, and he has even fewer happy memories. Life isn't kind to people, but sometimes... he honestly thinks he got one of the shorter sticks out there. (It makes him feel guilty, sometimes, because he knows there's people with worse lives- but he gets better at rationalizing it and himself. (The feeling doesn't go away though.))

One of the lights in his life that kept him going was the throw-away comment from some webnovel author. "if you don't like it, write it yourself. It's freeing, and I think that maybe it'll take that-"

in honesty, ignoring the later profanity of the response... it was probably the only thing that kept him alive this long. He was young when he switched tracks from reading to writing, and he didn't have the courage to publish any of it. But... it was soothing. Being able to write whatever he wanted, do whatever he wanted and create whatever he wanted? There wasn't anything like it.

Reading was a means to ignoring the world, immersing himself in a place where he was only a spectator. Writing was creating a stage, the rules to it, and then unleashing the characters in his mind (the darker thoughts that took hold of them, forming into darker and interesting characters).

He grew up and later, his writing dwindled. He would reread the story often, agonize over the mistakes and then fix them later, but he became busy with work.

And then he had to switch gears from part-time highschooler part-time worker surviving to job-hunting adult with taxes and about 15 new problems to solve and he... forgot about it. Kim Dokja forgot about the story. Life was hard, and trying to just survive was harder.

Then he wakes up as a long-since forgotten duke who he'd heavily projected onto, when he was deep in his self-loathing 'phase'. (he never grew out of it, he just stopped thinking about himself enough for it to matter.)

Kim Dokja has officially been dealt the worse sort of hand. He knew the end of the character he was now forced to play, and he didn't want anything to do with any of it. And that, my dear, is UNFORTUNATELY WHERE I LOST ALL WILL TO WRITE ANYMORE. Bug me for more please :)

#villain maker orv au #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint

[gay-and-n3on]

heyy uh idk if this is a little tmi but anyway LIke 2 years ago i was tested for autism, it was supposed to be two parts and part one was like describing people in photos, what they were doing, what there expressions ment, ect then i was read to and had to recite sentences. but uh, the lady testing me couldn't get the second part of the test because someone lost the key to the room it was in, so i only ever did that first half? and i was supposed to have a full meeting w/ her and my dad to go over the results but we just, didn't? and all that was sent was an email that said that i was totally normal and theres nothing to worry about dont worry about it ur totes fine (btw i live in Australia if that matters)

Two years later and ive been hesitant to really say much about it for fear of being labeled as like “o em g i have autism and its so cutesy fun and i also have 20 other mental illnesses” but more than once ive had multiple friends be like “huh r u sure your not autistic? and googling symptoms it seems like i have more than a couple symptoms, im also afab, um could someone point me in the directions of some resources i could perhaps take a look at? im not really sure what to do, ive made an appointment with a doctor for next week, but im just not sure what to do with myself in the mean time? am i over reacting with the test thing? whenever i bring it up with my parents they sort of glaze over it and say that im fine, im not sure i have austisim as i really really dont want to self diagnose, and ive also had friends tell me that I might have ocd? I am constantly suffer from executive dysfunction to a point were im failing my classes, i also get sensory overload frequently and extreme audio sensitivity. I also have compulsions to say words, like saying things i see and repeating words (eg, saying worm every time i see a worm, or repeatedly saying the word worm aloud after seeing one) and also feeling the need to touch things to specific parts of my body, usually something smooth/ oddly textured to the center of my hand. i also have a poor social filter, i will say things that i ment kindly as compliments of neutral statements but will then make people upset and i normally wont understand why until the tell me (Eg, saying I love your eyebags, or you smell like a stick insect! or your nails are so pretty and long, they would be perfect for picking up baby snails  ((these unfortunately are things ive actually said to randoms at school and i will never live down)) and also,,,,,,,, god im rambling thanks for still reading, i also tic and stim, i frequently experience premoitory urges to touch parts of my skin, crack or move my neck and flinch. i frequently flap my hands. oh and i also have lots of urges to eat things that are not edible eg, paper, rubbers, wood, metal wires, dirt, rocks, plastic, ect ect. ALSO i regularly end up making rules for myself in my head, like “you cant eat the chocolate until you have finished this video” or “you cant go to the bathroom until you find and watch and like a yt short” and i also tend to think to do things in a specific order, like i will chop the vegetables then clean the pot im going to put them in, then ill get nervous and upset when someone cleans the pot for me before i chop all the vegetables. ok um this got off track fast, uh anyways if anyone can link some stuff i would like that please and thank you

#autisim #mental illness #undiagnosed mental illness

[suchsaccharine]

5.10.23

tossed it all again. two days ago. day 2 clean.

late for work yesterday. genuinely accidentally set my quiet 5am alarm instead of regular alarm sound. (cant remember wy i originally did this) anyway...i am scared to weigh myself because i know that no matte4r what it says, im not anywhere near those numbers giving me pleasure. rather just sort of wait til im thin again. whats the point of keeping track obsessively again? idk i just really really hate this. about this time 3 years ago i won $60 at work for winning a weight loss challenge. i think i lost like 30 lbs in like 3 months? gosh dude ....ugh.

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im making chicken nuggets for breakfast because i feel like if i dont eat something that i will become obsessed with eating everything. i should maybe throw some cabbage in there too. oh yeah! i got my physical trainer cert lmfao isnt that weird?

yesterday was kids last event of season and s.o was too busy with things under their control to come. so were at a point of contension with that. but i dont wish to continue to argue with them because they only spew venom. they don’t converse.

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i don’t think i ever want to get married. although my whole life i have chased the comfort and contentedness that i thought babies and union would bring, i have only found in myself very recently. i like being alone. i like reading books and watching riveting teen drama series and not cleaning my house when i dont feel like it. i like eating according to my personal diet and not spending money on kitchen full of groceries to make for someone else to eat and not for me to enjoy. although i do truly love cooking for people, thats sort of compromise i make for not being able to eat the same food. i was so torn up and su!ci/2l when i found out i would have to get ivf to have any more kids but maybe the ed did this to me and its a protective way of keeping me from overwhelming my body and mind like that/this again.

i ate my 6 chicken nuggets for breakfast. (im at work now. my lady here is taking a midmorning nap it seems so im just typing on this dying computer. whenever i get my charger out i will switch over to my nurtition book because thats what im really interested in. i think the phsy. training is good on top of nutrition but yeah i think the latter will be my specialty just bc it always has been.

#never felt so alone #i want to be alone #eedee #runwaway #lost my mind #no sense of time #omw home #i want to be alone with myself #leave me be #mental illness #not easy #dont want to do this #please just leave me alone

[qualityempathshoebear]

2022, a crashing rollercoaster

Hey you,

its been a while. Ok yeah, maybe a little more than "a while". The year is over, and i think its time to reflect. But first, let me catch you up on everything thats happened since I last came on here.

Im still in Leeds, and will realistically stay here until I leave for University. Youre probably wondering what happened, why im not in Singapore. Well... my dads job didnt think he had enough experience, so what was supposed to be a delay, turned into a cancellation. So I have basically had to go to a school i wasnt supposed to be at in the first place, for a whole half-year. It was absolutly horrible and I had no friends. There were three (sometimes four) nice girls who I would sit with during snack and lunch. But it was almost always just us sitting in silence or me going on the computer in front of me, so I didnt look like an absolute fucking loser. I would go on VG and read the news every day and must have looked like such a loner to the people behind me. The girls were nice, but I didnt feel like we ever got to know eachother, I felt so fake the entire time.

And dont get me fucking started on the morning forms. I fucking hated coming in there just to sit in awkward silnce while staring ahead. And those horrible meditation sessions that the form tutor would do. I would just sit there with my hands in my lap, hoping for it to end. The girl sitting next to me was nice tho. I think she could tell I wasnt enjoying myself. I can honestly say I had no friends in that place, and that it was single-handedly the worst school experience I had ever had. And I know parts of it was my fault. I wasnt willing to make friends because everything felt so temporary. Even being in England still does. But wait, why are you talking in past tense? Im happy you asked. You see, I begged my dad to send an email to IB headquarters and ask to get the official copy of my diploma so I can apply directly into college (Englands equivalnce to highschool), without having to take their middle school exam (because fuck that!). And it luckily arrived on the last day of chistmas break... so I dropped out.

The plan now is that im going abroad to stay with my aunt until september, because I honestly just cant deal with staying in this horribly sad country. Everything about it is sad. The weather, the food, the disgustinly chlorinated water, the people, the buildings, even their fucking buildings are sad. I just cant fucking deal with it, It so similair to back home. No, its ven worse here. What was even the point of moving.

I have been so incredibly stressed because of the whole situation and its really taken a tole on me. I have had so much anxiety, to the point where I cant even sleep at night without panicking. Im constantly tired, I have lost so much weight, I have a breast infection in both my breasts (to be fair, I did have it before coming here), im depressed, and honestly, a little sui*idal.

To make matters worse, my parents have become religous freaks. And its definelty not helping that my mom has befriended some super religous woman, with the same background as us. Theyre making me do some weird post-menstruation shower ritual every fucking month (yes, theyve been tracking my period, gross!). Dont get me wrong, I dont actually end up doing them. I protest for a while and then I lie and pretend like ive done it. Around two weeks ago my dad came to my room to tell me to do the ritual, and I told him I couldnt because I was sick (and i actually was). Long story short, he didnt believe me and started yelling at me. I told him he was pressuring me into becoming religious. He freaks out and basically threatens me and pushes me (at some point even yanking my phone out of my hands, saying hes going to take it from me). All this while my mom watches and doesnt do anything besides saying my dads name and grabbing his arm every now and them. She even left at some point, but made sure to come back to gaslight and guiltrip me. I told her that if anyone touched me ever again I would call the cops immidielty. I havent really spoken to dad since. Its honestly really strained the relationship with my parents, and its making me realise that we will never have a normal relationship. In some ways I wish I could just be religous so I could save myself the anger, stress, and constant fighting with my parents. But whenever I give the idea further thought, I cringe. Even religion is ruined for me because of them. I feel that I shouldnt be religous, as revenge. The only way I could ever see myself becoming religous, is if I married a muslim man, and he helped me heal from all this fucking trauma. But I dont think I will do that. The only upside is that he wouldnt leave me, because of the stigma of divorce in muslim communities. But heck, I honestly just want to be loved. As gross and sappy as that sounds.

This year was supposed to be filled with laughs, new starts, new frienships, money, and much more. And instead I got none of it. I dont know, maybe this is what I deserve. Its safe to say that 2022 was my worst year yet. There were some highs, but mostly lows. Real fucking lows.

Im honestly just happy that I get to leave this wet-red brick country (even if its just temporarly), and hopefully in the meantime, my dad will get a job somewhere else so we can leave. If not, University is my only way out.

Now youre pretty much all cought up with whats worth to be cought up on. Before I leave, Ill share my new years resolutions and what I hope to focus on in 2023.

New years resolutions:

-Drink 2L of water a day, Gain weight, Workout once a week, Grow finger and toe nails, start daily journal, Grow hair and repair hairline, Get a new hobby, Grow eyebrows and eyelashes, Read 3 books, Solve Cains Jawbone, Clear skin, and to watch a musical live.

And in 2023 I hope to repair (as much as possible) my mental and physical health.

That would be all for now, until next time! <3

[thewaywardbruja]

~ Just Witchy Things ~

Hey guys! I hope you all are well - I'm still struggling a little with this sinus infection, its worse in the mornings, but I'm getting through it.

My new work schedule is a bit hectic, so thats why there hasnt been any tarot updates, and with being sick, sitting in front of a computer for a long period of time is a bit difficult. But I'm going to start working on getting my backlog of readings uploaded. I need to.

So expect to see those soon, they wont have photos as I would rather just have them as text, and then the future ones have photos, its easier, because - to upload the photos I have to put them on twitter, then save them, then upload them to here and it gets confusing. So I'm going to be working through my Wise Dog book again, and hopefully get those uploaded soon.

Recently I've been using my Light-Seer's deck and my Tarot Familiars, the Wise Dog one hasnt been touched, I havent been drawn to it in a while, but its because White uses both the aforementioned decks to speak to me now, so I feel close to her when I use them.

Things are going well, I've done two readings since I got sick, and I'm working on getting them written down, - its taking a bit because again I cant sit still long, but I'm getting there.

I did a Rune reading today, that was cool, just one rune, and got Sowilo. <3

Sowilo: "Sun" - Honor, Resources, Victory, Wholeness, Cleansing, time of joy, abundance and luck, success of goals, justice, joy, happiness.

So that made me happy, White's just telling me I'm on the right track <3

I've been speaking a lot to White about my grandma, as I am missing her terribly, its been hard, everything in my life is finally coming together and I cant share it with her. I'm struggling with her not being here, but I've been talking to her, in my own way. Which I find deep comfort in.

I asked White if her beloved dog Sassy was still at her side, and she said no, and then I thought for a moment and asked if White herself had been teaching Sassy to be a spirit guide, and the answer was a HUGE yes. Which made me so happy. And then I asked if Sassy was a spirit guide now, and she answered Yes again. <3

Sassy's going to make a wonderful spirit guide to someone. I love it. <3

I asked if my grandma was coming back, and I got a strong "No" which I already knew. I just was looking for the confirmation.

White and I are so very close now, and I feel like I'd be lost without her. Its amazing, and wonderful, and I feel so blessed to have such an amazing guide. <3

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Not much else is going on. I went for a small walk with my adopted sister / witchy mentor yesterday, and enjoyed the view of the sea from where I was standing, and the wind against my skin. I take it all in now, and it feels amazing.

College is going well, I went to my English Class, which I freaking love. We have a project due in December, a speech about any topic we want to talk about, and I think I'm going to talk about Witchcraft. My teacher seemed fascinated by it, and I want to share my journey and what it entails with my class <3 I was going to share about Parental Narcissistic Abuse, but I really dont want to go back to the dark part of my life, and doing research, and stuff would take me back there. I'm moving forward, not backward. And as much as I want to create awareness about it, this isnt the time or place.

Monday I work 8 Hours and then have 3 hours of College, and an assessment exam in Math, that I know I'm going to fail, because my teacher hasnt given me the tools to pass, so Tomorrow hopefully my dad-in-law can help me learn quickly how to do a bit more of what I'm struggling so much with.

I've never been good at math, and its one of those things I struggle deeply with, because I need it explained to me over and over.

Its okay though, if I fail, I dont lose anything, I just stay at level 1 until I'm ready to move onto level 2.

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Its been so nice getting back into my craft, and practice. I've been so sick I havent been able to do anything for almost a week, and when I picked up my tarot cards I knew it was time to again. I was ready.

Today, I've done runes, and spell work, and just enjoyed being at my altar. Its felt good. And talking to White. <3

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I'm feeling good mentally, even if I am stressed to the gills. I'm positive and upbeat, ( this infection can gfto though xD ) and focusing on what I need to do to move forward. Need to do to be happy. Its been nice.

I have been driving everywhere, learning the rules of the UK roads, and how others drive ( Mayhem ) and its been exhausting but fun. I am so happy and glad I got my freedom back once and for all. Its made a lot of my stress go away, and I feel so proud of myself for sticking to it and doing the test until I passed.

Husband and I are sharing a car at the moment, and its going to be that way for a while, but he doesnt mind that I want to drive everywhere. I let him drive when I'm mentally exhausted, or too tired to drive. But he knows I need to learn and get used to the roads just the same.

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So yeah, theres an update for ya. I'm still alive xD

But anyway, I'm doing good, back in my practice and happy :D Life offline is super stressful, but I'm trying to make the best of it, because thats all I can do <3

#witchcraft #hedge witch #white #wolf #spirit guide #beginner witch #divination readings #tarot cards #tarot #witch community #witchblr #writers on tumblr #nordic runes #elder futhark runes #spellwork #self care #spiritguides #sigils #college