#i cant fathom living like that

[niishi]

I realized my disconnect when it comes to talking about one piece, and why I always say I like talking to dudebros more even if they're the worst... Is, I like to analyze literature. I like to analyze the source material and the canonic information. Shipping and stuff is for fun but I see it separately. The intersect bc canon inspires fanon but fanon CANNOT change canon.. I don't mix the two things especially not when I'm doing analysis... So I'll say things that are factual and ppl who are stuck in their headcanons or personal biases will think I'm saying something bad. What I'm saying isn't good or bad. It's not judgmental of the character I'm talking about. Nor is it a bias bc I like them/dislike them. I'm analyzing odas writing and his intentions as an author and what he's trying to say and portray. Most ppl online are too caught up in headcanons and personal bias while having no media comprehension and they think that I'm attacking their made up fanon stuff..... Noooo..... You're over there playing pretend and I'm over here doing analysis. We are not doing remotely near the same activity. They don't always need to intersect. Anyways it's hard to have genuine analytical conversations with ppl fully indulged in fandom and fanon. The only group of ppl who doesn't do that are dudebros but also... They get hung up on other stuff that doesn't matter too. Idkkkkkkkkk.

#ppl have said im an irl bootlicker bc i like garp #and that i think sabo is a horrible person and hate him bc i said hes a terrorist #garp is an amazingly written character #he has so much purpose and nuance #ace was used as a plot device to further his and luffys story #period #idc how much any of u like ace that doesnt wash away the intentions of the author #sabo IS a terrorist. by definition. so is luffy. #thats not me saying i hate them #canonically in the one piece universe #they commit acts of terror on large governing systems #luffy has left countries destroyed and in lawlessness bc they no longer have a governing system to oversee them #and just like most americans #theyd rather live in comfortable ignorance than be extremist and change the situation #and guess who takes care of them after luffy does this? not luffy #the marines. #oda is writing a story thats way too fucking smart for some of you #performative activist types who cant even fathom reading anarchy or history books #some of you have no ability to comprehend media in the least bit #im just tired of me analyzing media and ppl with peanut brains getting offended bc i said something factual and truthful #about their fave #when what I'm saying was fully intended to come across that way by the author #dont come and play dolls all over my analysis

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[netrix-at-centric]

HE ATE THIS SCENE UP SO MUCH AND HE DESERVES TO FINALLY MFING JUSTICE FOR THIS MAN 

ABOUT THIS PARRALEL ,,,

#THE FACTS ITS PARRALELING BACK TO THE FIRST MOVIE?? #OH MY FOD I CANT #NAH BECAUSE IM SO GLAD IT WAS ANDY TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT INSTEAD OF EVERYONE ELSE #THE FACT THAT ITS BEEN 34 YEARS AND ANDY SAID HE WAS ALSO TERRIFIED AND SCARED? LIKE ABOUT DAMN TIME HE ACTUALLY FACED HIS FEARS #IK HES NOT ACTUALLY DEAD BUT THE FACT THAT ANDY WAS THE ONE TO DO IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE HE WENT THROUGH SO MUCH #ANDY JUSTICE IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND THIS SCENE IS SO MWAHHHH CHEFS KISS FR #chucky tv series #chucky spoilers #chucky #andy barclay #childs play #i cant actually even fathom LITERALLY that andy is so GOOD THIS SEASON?? #WITHOUT HIM BEING BARELY PRESENT?? #THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING PULLED IT OFF?? #THERES SOMETHING SO GOOD ABOUT THIS SCENE ABOUT ANDY AND ACTUALLY COMING TO TERMS AND FACING HIS FEARS ABOUT THE WHOLE SUTATION LIKE OH MY G #GOD THIS SCENE IS GOING TO LIVE RENT FREE SO MUCH IDC #IM SO HAPPY IT WAS ACTUALLY ANDY TO KILL HIM !! LIKE THE WRITERS CHOSE HIM AND IT COULDVE BEEN ANYONE ELSE!! AND THEY PICKED HIM!!! #GOD IM SO HAPPY THEY DIDNT INGORE HIM LIKE IT GENUINELY MAKES ME HAPPY THAT ANDY CHARACTER IS LITERALLY NOT BEING THROWN AROUND #AND HAVING HIM NOT HAVING ANY REVELANCE TO PLOT OR CHR AND THEY DID IT!! LIKE THIS IS IT ISTG #GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THIS SEASON THEY UTILIZED HIM SO MUCH AHHHHHH

[these-are-the-first-steps]

I just wanted to come on and apologize for my spotty activity. One of my favorite musicians, who I've loved dearly for at least the past 20 years, faded away suddenly on stage in October and I get hit with the sorrow in waves. It's still a gut punch.

Those of you who have figured out my main blog and follow over there have seen streams of posts of him at odd bursts- like sticking your hand repeatedly into the fire expecting the outcome to somehow be different. I can't help going into the tags sometimes even though I know it's a mistake.

Time is ruthless, and entropy is slowmotion disaster we cannot escape. All we can do is pick ourselves up best we can and keep struggling for that next step forward until we finally crumble to dust and pass through the veil to meet everyone again. The struggle is worth it, because fuck time and fuck entropy. Leave marks of yourself behind and win against the both of them. Sounds easy enough, right?

#is this too dark? #sorry #i just can't seem to dig myself completely out of this place #i feel time passing so keenly i might as well be already 90 on my death bed #i hate it i wish i could live like normal people blissfully ignorant sometimes #he was only 57 he was too young #one of the most beautiful men to ever walk this earth if not the #i cant fathom and yet am so grateful to technology because we can keep those captured facimilies forever if we play our cards right #beauty and talent and feeling and words don't have to be lost necessarily forever now and he gave us 36 years of his life #i'm stopping here because I'm just rambling now

[arthur-kingsmen]

told my brother my nic vape and weed vape are both about to die so im gonna ride that out until they’re done and then see how long i can abstain before getting a new one of either. dude then takes me to his room and pulls open a drawer full of nic vapes and asks me if i like kiwi. apparently he just, buys vapes and if he doesnt like them he sets it in the drawer and buys a whole new one immediately. so now i have a brand new kiwi dragonfruit nic vape but also cutting back on thc has been going well <3

#i felt like i was in a shady alley doing a suspicious deal #‘you like kiwi 🤨’ #he goes thru an elf bar a week hes living a life i cant fathom #nicotine mention #weed mention #personal

[guinevereslancelot]

i hate tiktok and any social media that you must be camera ready and hot to participate in. not bc i'm not hot tho bc i am. for other reasons <3

#i like my privacy and anonymity and i have been stalked in the past #also i dont think im ugly or anything but i dont photograph well tbh but like that should not matter #i want to be able to post my silly little memes and jokes in textnpost format not video format and be anonymous #i dont want my dumb posts associated with my actual irl face 🤣 #i cant even fathom how tiktok got popular tbh #anyway i joke i am neither hot nor ugly and societys fixation on beauty is evil <3 #i am happy and comfortable with my appearance i just like my privacy and im not a narcissist lol #this has been a shitpost #anyway tumblr live die bitch #also this goes without saying but #tiktok die bitch

[magicdyke]

if that were the case then serizawa would be the only person aside from asagiri that knows directly what mob went through.

#oh my god. could you imagine how horrible he felt for him. and how much mob had learned about him. #and how they now know more about each other than like anyone else in their lives #serizawa is such a protector of kids i cannot fathom how much his heart like broke both for himself and for mob #and i cant imagine how close mob now feels to serizawa because of this

[apathyfairy]

.

#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like. #i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i #understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom #i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking #4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am #and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself #i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies #in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still #not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight #or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week #because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of #knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and #i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally #Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead #then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just #i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it. #but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i #want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess. #and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk #that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.

[crimsongrimoire]

i have been trying to write lately and it's been insubstantial but of course I get struck by absolutely random inspiration at work huh

#crow.txt #kaeluc #genshin #snippets #angst #have i even USED that tag #sfw #god i just very much love the idea of kaeya (with diluc ONLY cause hes not telling anyone else) just like #happening to think of Everything and flippantly go haha crazy how things work right? #and for diluc to look him dead in the eye (figuratively at least unless/until i change stuff around here) and go #no thats actually extremely fucked up that you were subjected to that. its not right and it should never have happened much less to a child #possibly even going so far as to flat out say kaeya is stronger than he ever could be because he cant fathom how he would ever live with it #if it had happened to him instead #and kaeya having an extremely strong moment of oh. he's right huh. #like sure hes probably had the thought himself but there was nobody he could TELL and have it AFFIRMED for him that hes not being selfish #to not want to have to live with something like that #and for it to be DILUC that tells him? OUT LOUD? directly indelicately (toward everyone else not kaeya) and not mincing words at ALL? #indelicate isnt quite the word but yknow. zero regard for whoever thought it was okay to do that #like just KILL ME at that point. im already fucking dying #absolutely losing my mind over this #imagine!! the relief!!!! he cant change it sure BUT at least he FINALLY fucking has someone go thats fucked up and youre allowed to hate it #kaeya being flippant abt his own trauma is going to Fucking Kill Me. #over a week since ive posted something decent. shameful smh. idk if theres anything else worth sharing yet tho.. #i just need kaeya to be told that it WASNT his fault and hes NOT inherently irredeemably horrible forever because of shitty circumstances #or else i will fucking explode cartoonishly like a water balloon full of red paint #grabbing his shoulders and shaking him like a ragdoll. its fucked up and you dont have to laugh it off all the time I Promise.

[niishi]

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

#im so glad i learned i had autism #bc...... other ppl control so much of our existence #thinking im a bad person my whole life when in actuality #i was always rejected for my sense of justice #and only accepted if i mirrored triggering behaviors #if i was doing what everyone else was doing it was fine #but if i spoke on my sense of justice i would get rejected #so id try to mirror and it always felt bad #like really bad #i was telling my mom yesterday that #her my dad brother and sister have all done things that #would keep me up at night sick with guilt for the rest of my life #and how i cant fathom how they can live their day to day lives without being burdened with extreme guilt #and she said she just doesnt think about that stuff #i feel guilty for a girl i was mean to once in 2nd grade still to this day #i know every instance in which i hurt someones feelings without a reason and i feel guilt about all of it still #it hurts me so much that id rather fight with ppl who think that behavior is okay #rather than mirror it #but i would mirror stuff sometimes bc it's like “will this make me normal?” and the answer was no #it just made me copy behaviors of bad people who dont have remorse #and that had huge negative effects on me #im glad to know that im not an evil person

[lesbiradshaw]

just found out liam is gonna be pushing 30 in That movie no one contact me for 6-7 business days.

#they said scott is older than posey now and posey is 30 so at MINIMUM liam has to be like …. 27? 28? #which isnt like decrepit or anything im just . in shock! #whole time i thought scott was gonna be like 25 and liam would be college age but NOW THEYRE OVER THIRTY? #that certainly explains some of the hairlines im afraid. #wasnt going to stream the movie anyways bc im bitter about what they did to my cousin kira but…. #mason becoming a bald cop instead of a druid like the show ending set ip… #no corey. no theo. apparently the actors weren’t contacted which makes me irrationally paranoid chimeras limited lifespans are canon now. #liam’s hair is as fried as tfatws bucky…. scott is also bald… #no danny. no isaac. no braeden. no kira. no stiles. derek has a white baby. #they hired a replacement asian girl for a kira stand in bc apparently we’re interchangeable #whole movie revolves around kira’s lore but they couldn’t pay arden right . #what has life come to…. #ANYWAYS….. #liam is my baby i cant fathom him being this much older than me ITS SICK. #joker smoking gif #we live in a society. #‘teen wolf’ you mean middle aged

[clovercacti]

incredibly fucked up that we have no say in anything actually important happening with laws and everything we need rent control so fucking bad

#ciry.txt #why is the only shit we get to vote on like.. random taxes and shit how do i stop This??? this is like. bro #the fact that landlords can just raise rent as much as they want is insane. what do you mean. #like what could Possibly go wrong there. are you fucking kidding me??? #how are people supposed to live in this world. #i cant fathom it bro it is actually hard to wrap my mind around

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#after almost 3yrs of not being able to write anything substantial fic wise. ive managed to write 6.5k in like 2 days? #i think the hope was for about 10k but i think im gonna overshoot that a bit. hopefully not by much #i need this to let me go pls. i have things to do #i cant help it tho. im a sucker for hurt and comfort thru ghost stories #terror to generate affection and just so much. basically im just using my beloved 1ruka to heal ppl bc i lov him #i dont write him well bc he is a loud mouth extrovert and i cannot fathom how such a person would behave #but im doing my best. ya kno #ugh ive not dont anything productive in like 2 days tho. which is prob a good thing but i am miserable when i work too hard and miserable #when i dont work enough. there is no winning #i did start the phd search. but quickly got overwhelmed. sigh. its so hard to search for v specific topics #and ive gotta decide where i wanna live next. bc i really dont wanna live in the desert anymore. i mean its not terrible here but #imagine if i lived in a place with mountains and trees! magic. and closer to home too. ive not seen my family in 3 months and not been home #since January. and my parents were up on the lake today for my dads birthday so :-/ sad vibes #ugh. im so tired. i need to sleep. maybe ill b productive tomorrow. maybe not #unrelated

[knaveofmogadore]

Kfkdks

#messages from knave #im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations #younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it #but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments #siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it #but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them #siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica #they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because #they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it #siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault #oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say #'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer #siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional #a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not #wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly #and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own #people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna #you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible #had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me' #and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and #'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out' #people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings #with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing #and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers #youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men #< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation #only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill #food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually #weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food #meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates

[bingobongobonko]

feelin outta place in my own body for the first time in a while but ig yeah. its gonna pass. what else can you do man. you exist. what more is there to do

#fool's monologue #my everything just feels keenly off #my face my voice my everything #and im not like. im not saying it isnt mine #im just wishing i was someone else #sometimes u cant help but wish you were someone else entirely #its mine ig #this is me #and its finee i can live with that #i have days where i can look at myself just fine #but now i cant even fathom looking in the mirror #i coulda been someone else #somebody cooler than me #but man whatever i live in it. shaking my own hand. you exist. you cant do anything about that. you exist as you are #you are so many things and yet nothing at all #anyway im complaining im in a bad mood so it comes with the territory #mfw dysphoria and other identity issues come hitting in full force at the exact same time

[invertedspoon]

everytime i watch a jerma video i always put it on fullscreen so he's really there. i feel like he's not real enough and needs to be closely monitored at all times

#i cant fathom that this man was born one day #like if there was any escaped alien living in society i think it's him #jerma #jerma985 #jermaposting #jeremy elbertson