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dantelionwishes · 3 years

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life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs!

MIDDLE SCHOOL

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED–

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad)

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless)

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha oc comeback #mha #bnha oc #mha oc #lionhe(art)#I know I havent exactly written stuff from meeting toshinori onwards #but thats for another day!!#I only ever wrote Sato's backstory pre meeting all might #yet all I drew as a teen was them as a couple lMAOOO #idk if anyone would wanna read that but honestly iM SURE THE STUDENTS WANT THAT SPICY RELATIONSHIP INFO JHSDJGHAJHJK #my 17-year old self would have been happy in my place ;;3;; !!!!!#i finally got to share his lore!! that was a lot so if you seriously read it all thank you so much aaaaaaaaaaaa #Osamu sato-sensei

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

Text

A Different Kind of Education: V Is For Vanilla (Chapter 1)

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, light dom/sub dynamics, light dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, protected sex, vaginal fingering, light breast/nipple play, nipple sucking, light biting, i think thats it, honestly this chapter is (as the title says) pretty vanilla. But things will get more intense in later chapters.

Words: 7,128

A/N: ahhhhhh it’s finally here. This professor Rog idea has been kicking around my head for months now and finally I’m actually doing something about it lmao

This series is going to be LONG (like in my plan it’s 15 chapters) because I have So Many kinks I want to squeeze into it. Some were chosen by me and some were chosen by everyone who voted in the poll I put up a few weeks ago and i am seriously so excited about what’s coming.

Smut scenes in this and all future chapters will be marked with stars so that if there is a kink you’d like to avoid you can skip over it and still enjoy the rest of the series.

Also, I know the chapter title doesn’t super make sense since he’s a university bio sciences professor which doesn’t have a lot to do with the alphabet but 🤷‍♀️ that was the working chapter title and it kind of stuck. Plus, ya’ll know I love chapter titles that have a theme lmao. Anyway, no more stalling. Enjoy the filth and start preparing yourselves for it to get so much filthier.

(the ultimate hot professor rog moment tbh)

@atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

His office door was open when you got there which didn’t give you much time to hesitate or rethink your decision to ask your Professor for help. He would have seen you approaching or stalling in the doorway and invited you in anyway to query you about your reasons for being there. So, instead, you raised your fist and rapped a pattern on the door frame with your knuckles. “Professor Taylor? Can I have a word?” “Miss Y/L/N,” he seemed surprised to see you, his eyes widening behind his spectacles, “come in. What can I help you with?” You closed the door behind you and took a seat, fidgeting with your fingers as you tried to remember how you’d planned to broach the subject. Professor Taylor – Roger, as you’d been told you could call him – waited patiently. “It’s tricky, Professor. Umm, see, well um,” “Is this something to do with the coursework? If you’re worried about the last assignment, you don’t need to be. It was really good, what you handed in.” “Really?” “Mmhmm. I was going to give you all feedback next week but if it’ll help put your mind at ease I can show you the comments I have for you early,” You were half a second away from asking to see them when you remembered that wasn’t what you’d come to ask about, “A-actually that’s okay Professor.” “Oh? So was it something else you wanted? I know that this Masters course is more work than previous classes you’ve had with me but you seem to be keeping on top of it all. I’m very impressed by what you’ve accomplished so far.” “Thank you Professor, but, um, that’s not really what I’m here about,” “No?” He leaned forward resting his chin on his hands, “You know, there’s no need to be nervous about talking to me, I’m not going to fail you,” he chuckled as he sat up straight again, clearly trying to lighten the mood though his expression became more serious as he said, “if you’re having trouble with something, or someone, please tell me and I will do what I can to help, whether it’s pointing you in the direction of someone more able to support you or talking to people on your behalf.” You nodded, feeling marginally calmer though still nervous, “I was actually hoping for some private tutoring,” “Oh? Well if you’d like to put your name down as a tutor I have a form here somewhere, if you fill it out I can pass it on and have your name added to the database,” Roger rifled through a stack of papers on his desk, only stopping when you spoke again. “No, not, uh, not tutoring work. I more meant tutoring from you. In an area that this Uni doesn’t provide classes in,” “Miss Y/L/N I’m going to have to ask you to explain because I’m not quite sure what you’re after,” You took a breath and resisted the urge to speak to the floor, “My boyfriend dumped me last week.” “I’m sorry to hear that but I don’t see how-” “He dumped me because apparently I’m not kinky enough. I don’t know, he always wanted me to be super obedient in the bedroom but I never really understood it.” Roger shifted in his seat, “Miss Y/L/N I don’t think this is app-” “I want someone to explain it all to me, teach me how to be what he wants so I can get him back. If I can show him that I can learn, that I can submit in the way he expects, then we won’t have to break up. I love him and I’d do anything to get him back and I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’re the best person to teach me.” “I’m not sure I understand why you would come to me with this. I am very sorry to hear you’re dealing with that but it’s not really appropriate for me to be discussing such matters with my student.” “Just…” you held your hand up to try and stop him from standing and opening the door for you, “You must realise that you have a, um, a reputation.” Roger was taken aback by that, throwing you a confused expression as he settled back into his seat. “Surely you’ve heard the rumours about you. About what you like to get up to with women.” “I can assure you I haven’t,” “Seriously? Everyone talks about it. I mean part of it is probably just because you’ve got that whole DILF thing working for you so like half the students here have crushes on you. But then you throw in the gossip about how you like to tie women up and all the rest of it,” Roger closed his eyes as if he couldn’t quite keep up with everything you’d just said, “How- I mean, those rumours have no bearing on- on anything and they aren’t even- what I mean to say is-” “Professor, it’s okay. It’s just gossip, nothing serious in it. But if you do like that sort of thing, I could really use your help. I won’t tell anyone, all I want is my boyfriend back,” Roger pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “This is insane, what you’re asking is insane.” “No it’s not,” “Okay, lets, Miss Y/L/N, just for a moment, let’s imagine that, hypothetically, I say yes to this. What then?” “Well, I’d expect we’d meet up once or twice a week, you’d teach me the basics of kink, anything you thought I should know. Then in four months’ time I can talk to Dylan and show him what I’ve learnt and he’ll take me back.” “Why four months?” “Oh, we’re pretty much guaranteed to see each other then. Two of our mutual friends are getting married and we’ll both be at the wedding. So will you do it?” “Miss Y/L/N, I don’t know that this is a good idea,” “Why not?” “Well our ages for one thing,” “So what? You’re mature and experienced and that’s what I need. Plus, surely having someone half your age throw herself at you is a bonus.” He smiled slightly, “All the same, it’s wrong. I’m your teacher.” “Exactly, who better to teach me?” “The ethics of this- and the rules of this university. If anyone found out I’d lose my job, you’d lose your place at this school so you wouldn’t get to complete your degree. Not to mention I’m sure you have family and friends who would chop my bollocks off before they ran me out of town.” “It’s not like I’m underage, I’m doing a bloody Masters. And no one would find out. We can meet in secret.” “It’s still so risky, Ms Y/L/N,” “Look, Professor, I wouldn’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. As long as we’re careful about when and where we meet no one will find out. Please, Professor. I need this,” you thought you could see his resolve cracking but decided to give him a final push, “But if you really don’t want to then I’ll find someone else. I’m sure I can meet someone online. Fetlife? That’s a website for this kind of thing, right?” “Fine, I’ll do it.” He said suddenly, “But we do it my way. And certainly not on campus.” “Okay,” “Are you free tonight?” “You wanna get right into it?” “I want to discuss this further, off campus, to set some ground rules, and I think we’ll both be more comfortable discussing it over dinner.” “Dinner? Like a date?” “A business deal. Miss Y/L/N, if you can’t take this seriously,” “I can, I promise. Dinner where?” “Well, public places are out of the question. So you can come over to my house. Be there by Seven and make sure no one knows. Here’s the address,” “Thank you Professor,” Roger grunted as he scrawled his address on a scrap of paper, holding it out to you, “Go, out of my office before I come to my senses,” You nodded and scurried off, taking heart from the bemused tone behind his snippy words. In a matter of a few short months you’d be able to put this breakup behind you and show Dylan just how much he meant to you.

A few minutes before seven o’clock you rang Roger’s door bell, looking around at the long driveway and the tidy garden beds at the front of the house as you waited. He opened the door quickly and hurried you inside glancing around the front yard as if someone were spying on him. “I brought wine,” you said, holding the bottle out, “You’ve got a nice place,” “You sound surprised,” he said as he took your jacket from you and hung it on a coat rack to the side of the entrance before taking the wine with a gracious nod and examining the label, “Y’know being a university professor doesn’t actually pay too badly.” “Yeah but this place is massive,” He chucked, “I inherited a little from my Nan and Pop and then there was the album. That was enough to buy this place.” “Album?” “Oh, I was in a band in my youth, one mildly successful album and a couple of writing credits on the singles set me up nicely. Not nicely enough to retire on but still.” He shrugged as he led you through his sizeable house, up a set of stairs and towards the back balcony, “Plus, this place didn’t seem so big when I was sharing it with my ex-wife and our kids. Uhh, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Now, make yourself comfortable out here and I’ll just go check on the food.” You nodded, still trying to wrap your head around the sheer number of rooms and hallways you’d passed as well as the fact that your old Biology professor had once been in a band. It was hard considering you’d only ever seen him presenting lectures to an audience of tired and often hungover students but you supposed he did have a kind of magnetism that would have been at home on a stage. Still, you’d have liked to see pictures.

Roger returned a few moments later with two plates of food, a couple of wine glasses tucked in the crook of his arm. You quickly reached to relieve him of something, before one of the glasses could shatter and put an end to all your plans. Though perhaps a broken glass would have helped break the ice. It wasn’t the most comfortable dinner you ever had. You found it hard to swallow, hard to sit still, torn between wanting to jump right to the main topic and wanting to let Roger bring it up in his own time. The last thing you wanted was to come across as just trying to get a leg over the hottest professor on campus as if for a dare or a joke. Him retracting his agreement was a very close second last. Instead, you gulped down your drink and tried to focus on the reasonably nice meal Roger had prepared for you. Finally, after watching you top up your glass for the third time, he put you out of your misery. “Why me?” “What?” “Why did you approach me with this idea of…tutoring?” “Like I said before, the rumours abo-” “Okay but there must have been something beyond that. There could have been rumours about any staff member. If the school gossip had said Professor Richardson had a sex dungeon where he tied up women and spanked them, would you have approached him?” “So you have heard the rumours,” “Of course I have. Answer the question,” You stalled by taking another drink, though only a sip that time, “No, I wouldn’t have.” “So, why me?” “You’re hot?” Roger gave you a look you’d seen in the classroom – his stop fucking around look, usually reserved for first years who still treated dissection and cadavers as a joke. You shrugged, “You’re one of the best teachers I ever had. You always said we could come to you with any problems we were having and whenever I took you up on that offer to go over the coursework you were encouraging and supportive and knew how to push me in the right direction without giving me all the answers. I guess I felt like I could trust you. Like you’d take me seriously or at least hear me out before shutting the door in my face. And if the rumours happened to be false then you seemed like the sort of person who wouldn’t be offended by them or my proposition.” Roger smiled to himself, but it was only for a few brief seconds and then his professional demeanour was back in place, “Alright, well, I’m listening now so why don’t you tell me about this ex and the sort of things he requested of you. And then I’ll decide whether to kick you off my property or not.” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he wasn’t serious about throwing you out, but it didn’t stop you from feeling timid about the conversation, “Umm, okay. His name is Dylan. We were both in your Bachelor bio class, that’s how we met. Or kind of. We were aware of each other but went to different parties and hung out with different people. It wasn’t until last year that we actually met and got chatting and started seeing each other. I thought it was the real thing, like proper love, soulmate stuff. So when he broke up with me it took me completely by surprise. Everything felt perfect with him. Except for the sex.” You paused, feeling a little self-conscious about speaking so frankly about your personal life, and with your professor no less. Roger removed his spectacles and wiped them on the bottom of his shirt, “Ms Y/L/N, you’re going to have to be able to talk about sex with me if you actually want this to work.” “The sex was fucking great okay? Especially at the start. But the longer we went out the more he pushed for me to be submissive to him. He’d joke around about wanting to fuck me while I was asleep or mostly asleep, and he’d dirty talk by calling me his toy or saying that he owned me or sometimes about pimping me out to his friends. I indulged some of his ideas like when he wanted to be especially rough with me, pushing my head down into the mattress, pulling my hair, slapping me, things like that. And it was fun, but I never enjoyed it the same way he did and whenever he brought up the sleep stuff or if he tried to bend me over while I was cooking dinner I always stopped him. He’d laugh about it and say he was just joking but I guess he meant it more than I thought he did.” Roger remained quiet, watching you thoughtfully until he was sure you were finished, “If we did this what limits would you want in place?” “None. I want to be the perfect submissive for Dylan, I want to prove I can be whatever he wants.” Roger shook his head and put down his glass, “What was it you told Dylan when he suggested using you while you were in the middle of something or if he brought up the sleep stuff?” “I just told him no, I wasn’t into it or I was busy.” “Then that’s a limit. If you don’t want to do those things, that’s okay. Everyone has limits.” “But that’s the point. I need to learn how to be into those things so he’ll have me back. My limits are what made him leave.” Roger exhaled heavily though his nose, “Okay then, is there anything you would consider a turn off?” “I don’t know,” “Well I don’t believe that. I’m sure you have at least some idea of what you like and what you don’t.” “Yeah I guess I do but if I’m the submissive one then it doesn’t matter what I want. This is about Dylan and doing what he wants.” “Personally, I’m not big into feet stuff – toe sucking, foot jobs, anything like that – it just doesn’t appeal to me, whether I’m acting more dominant or more submissive, and I’ve made sure to tell every one of the women I’ve been with who hinted that they’d be into doing that kind of thing. A lot of women, in my experience at least, don’t like anal or things like knife play or scenes that feel violent or menacing.” He paused, watching your reactions, “From what you’ve just told me, it sounds like Dylan might be into free use and consensual non-consent so if either of those things sound like a turn off to you, you should let me know. Dylan will have limits of what he’s comfortable with and comfortable doing to others, I guarantee it. You need to make your limits known too. It’s all part of being in a D/S relationship and playing with any kind of BDSM type kink. The main rule we follow is safe, sane and consensual, and believe me, I will make sure we follow it during our lessons. So, is there anything you would consider a turn off or anything you wouldn’t want to do, even for Dylan?” “Can I think about it and get back to you?” “I suppose so. If it helps I can give you an idea of things I could teach you and you can tell me if any of them don’t feel right.” “Yeah, I think that would help,” “Alright umm, obviously because this is about what Dylan likes we should address consensual non-consent and free use at some point, but they would come later. Somnophilia too. I’d probably start with something easier or more common anyway. Spanking is nearly guaranteed, basic bondage methods – cuffs, ropes, that sort of thing – maybe some more extreme bondage too depending on how much you enjoyed the basic bondage. Ummm, choking, maybe some gags, tease and denial for sure. Any of that sounding too scary or intimidating or just not fun?” “They all sound okay I think, although some of them I haven’t heard of before.” “It’s a start at least. Of course, I would begin with the smaller kinks and work our way up to the more intense ones, and hopefully by that point we’ll both be more familiar with your limits and what you are interested in taking further.” “So, does that mean your agreeing to tutor me?” “I can definitely work with this.” “You mean it?” “Yes. Apparently I do.” He trailed his gaze over you for a moment, “How would you feel if I suggested we move this to the bedroom?” Your heart skipped a beat and you hoped your shock hadn’t shown on your face, “You want to start now?” “Sort of. What do we do at the beginning of a science experiment?” “Measure a control group,” “Exactly, you do a control before you mess with variables so you have something to measure them against. In this case, I think we’ll be able to tailor kinks to you better if I have some idea of what you enjoy during sex and what it takes to get you off. Is that okay?” “Yeah, of course, yeah. Makes sense.” “If you want to wait a couple of days we can,” “No, now’s as good a time as any. And the sooner we get into it all the better really.” Roger chuckled and stood, holding out his hand to help you out of your seat, “You’ve always been an enthusiastic student.”

Leaving your plates and glasses on the balcony table, Roger led you towards his bedroom. You wished you’d had a little more to drink, just to dull the sudden wave of nerves that had risen up. You were about to fuck a professor. Professor Taylor. It was a bizarre scenario you’d got yourself into and in an effort to distract yourself a little and calm down, you focused on his bedroom wall as he busied about closing curtains, eyes trained on a framed watercolour of a lake under some cherry blossom trees. “You like it?” “Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s pretty,” “I got that while I was in Japan a few years ago.” You nodded, not sure what to say next. “Are you okay?” You turned and found Roger much closer than he had been a moment before. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes, sorry, just a bit nervous I guess. Feels kind of odd now that I’m actually here. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really expect you to agree to this.” “I did tell you your idea was insane. But that’s okay,” he slowly reached forward, his hand settling on your hip and gently tugging, encouraging you to step in closer, “It’s kind of weird for me too. So, we’ll go slow. And if you want to stop at any time we can.” You nodded, eyes glued to Roger, and let your tongue wet your lips. His eyes followed the movement, “Does that mean you want to kiss me?” There was a playfulness to his voice, teasing almost, and you found yourself relaxing and agreeing that you did. And for the first time you realised just what it meant for those rumours to be true. “So then kiss me.”

******

A kiss you could do. Pushing aside the realisation that this was your first kiss since Dylan left, you leaned in and pressed your lips to Roger’s, though you pulled away quickly. Roger didn’t say anything, just waited, lips lightly parted. Your heart was racing with excitement and uncertainty, but you wanted more. He welcomed your lips the second time they met his, his hand gripping your hip harder now that he was certain you were going to stay. It was almost needy the way he kissed back, something you’d not have expected from your Professor. His nose bumped yours and yet he didn’t seem to care, leaning further into you, his tongue tickling your lip seconds before you felt it slide against your own tongue. Familiar but entirely different from the kisses you were used to. His hands didn’t move like Dylan’s did, not grabbing but gently squeezing, reassuringly firm. His leg was suddenly between yours and you took a step back in surprise. Roger followed so you took another and another until you felt the edge of the bed behind you. Dylan and your nerves almost entirely forgotten, you reached for Roger’s belt. He let you unbuckle it and pull it loose before he grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, kissing you between looks heavy with desire. He broke away for a moment and toed off his shoes, bending to take his socks off too, “So, is there anything you particularly like, any positions?” You copied his movements, kicking your own shoes just under the bed, “Not really. I can work with whatever.” “Stop trying to please me and tell me what you like Ms Y/L/N,” he said, reaching for your hips again so he could push your jeans down. “I mean I guess I like being on top, riding, whatever you want to call it.,” you quickly unhooked your bra and let it drop to the floor, “But Dylan tended to like me under him.” “New rule,” Roger said, kicking his own pants off his ankle as you tugged his shirt from his shoulders, “No talking about your ex when we’re this close to being naked. Okay?” “Yeah, sorry, good rule.” “Y’know I could have taken your bra off too,” “Faster this way,” “I’ll let you have it this time. But next time I unwrap you myself.” You shivered at the implications of the statement as Roger resumed the kiss and pressed you backwards onto the mattress, quickly climbing on top of you, his hands braced on each side of your head as he leaned down to kiss you once more, hungrily.

He didn’t stay there long though. A few seconds later he’d shimmied down your body, creating a trail of kiss warmed skin, until his face was positioned directly above your breasts. You raised your head and watched enraptured as he his eyes met yours, the hint of a mischievous grin lighting up his face, and then he lowered his lips to the top of your left breast. You let your head drop back to the bed and ached your back a little, pushing your chest towards him. “Yeah, you like that?” he asked, voice rougher than you’d ever heard it before, “what if I do this?” slowly he let his teeth sink into you, just for a second. It was enough to pull a small hum of appreciation from you so he repeated the action on your right breast. “Feels good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out, softly. “Yeah?” he asked, pushing himself up so he was straddling your waist, “What about this?” You felt his warm breath surround your nipple before you felt his tongue lap against it or his lips enclose it, letting your eyes slip shut as you drew your lip between your teeth. He seemed to appreciate the response and made sure to repeat the action a few times against each nipple, sucking on one as his gently flicked the other with his thumb. You tingled at the sensation of his warm saliva cooling and gently squeezed your legs together. “Don’t be shy,” he said, sitting up again and laying a hand over each of your breasts, “I can tell you enjoy it when I play with your tits,” You pulled in a shaky breath as he squeezed your breasts, “Mmhmm, yeah,” “Do you want some more?” “Yes, Professor,” He made a short clicking sound with his tongue, “I think we’re past Professor by now, you can call me Roger. And you can tell me what you want,” “I want more,” “More what?” You hummed again at the feeling of him massaging your boobs. “More what? Should I keep sucking on your perky fucking tits? Jesus they’re so fucking soft,” he cleared his throat and shook his head a little, “Or, should I give some other part a bit of attention? Your pussy’s probably feeling a bit left out, huh?” You’d expected him to boss you around, make demands, and you’d expected a bit of dirty talk (the kind where he’d tell you how sexy you looked or that he couldn’t wait to fuck you). But the reality surpassed everything you’d considered likely. You certainly hadn’t expected to get wet just from his tone and his words. And you definitely hadn’t expected to be doing what he asked, agreeing with everything he said. But that’s exactly what was happening, and it felt good. “Please touch my pussy.” “It would be my pleasure,” he smiled softly as he climbed off of your waist and pulled your underwear down, “and yours.”

The change of position gave you a moment to catch your breath but also to take in Roger’s appearance properly. You had to admit you liked what you saw. Of course, you already knew he was attractive. More than once you’d found yourself distracted in class, mind on what a cute bum he had or how shapely his hands were or else on his fluffy hair, light blonde but with streaks of grey blended throughout. He was the epitome of the hot teacher really, especially with his gravelly voice and the youthful sparkle of his eyes, magnified by his usual pair of glasses. What you hadn’t seen before, and what you were revelling in now, was his naked torso. There were muscles in his arms, not Hollywood style bulging biceps and you’d certainly never have noticed them under the sleeves of his work shirts, but they were revealed as he shifted his position and you had the sudden urge to reach out and squeeze them. A light fuzz of hair covered his chest, though it was so light it was barely visible, and a marginally thicker thatch of it trailed down into his underwear. And in between was his stomach, the years of fatherhood evidenced by how it softly protruded out over the hem of his underwear. Once, a few years ago, someone had found a photo of Professor Taylor taken in the 90s when he was twenty-something and, thanks to the university meme facebook page and a few students with near influencer levels of followers, just about the whole school had seen it and had wet dreams about it. He’d been stick thin then, eyes ringed by dark grungy eyeliner, long messy hair falling about his face, and his plaid shirt unbuttoned. The Roger settling beside you now was miles away from that boy but you liked his current look, from his shorter hair to his rounder body, though he seemed to have the same skinny legs. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he propped himself up on his elbow to look you over. “This is…better than I thought it would be,” “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t know, I just...I could never picture it before, actually being with you. But you’ve made it feel easy and, well not normal, but y’know, not too strange either.” “So you’ve been liking it so far?” “Mmhmm, it’s felt really good,” “Good, that’s what I want to hear. But,” your breath hitched as you felt his fingers stroke between your legs, “experiments not done yet.” He watched his hand as it moved, his fingers sliding between your lips, spreading the wetness that had begun to pool with his earlier attentions. Each shift of his fingers pulled soft sighs and small ohs from you as the pleasure began to slowly build and you pulled him down into another kiss, wanting to feel him closer. He eased the first finger into you gradually, whispering questions about how it felt and if you were ready for more. You’d have expected his constant quizzing to be annoying but he peppered them between comments about making you feel good and dirty talk about getting you ready for his cock as he pulled your hand over to his crotch to give him some small relief. And somehow everything just seemed to turn you on more, his obvious desire to make sure you were comfortable included. You barely registered when he added the second finger, pumping both into you rhythmically as he delicately sucked at your pulse point, though you knew the third was coming, a response to your pleas for more. You’d meant his dick really, ready to move things along but he’d been adamant about making sure you were properly stretched out, not relenting until he’d fit four fingers inside you. “Fo-four?” you whimpered as he pressed the last one into you, “Three not enough?” “Just to be on the safe side. My cock is about average length but its girthy,” “I – oh Roger – It feels huge to me,” “Please, I’m 46, I know it’s not the biggest thing in the world. But I also know it doesn’t need to be to fuck you so right.” You weren’t sure how to reply though he didn’t give you many options, jerking his fingers inside you and making you moan. “I know there are nerves involved which can impact how wet you get and I don’t want to do anything that would cause you pain or discomfort, so I’m going to finger you until I’m ready to stop. You can beg all you want but I won’t fuck you until I decide you can handle it.” Even that was hot though you weren’t exactly sure why, but whatever it was you found yourself nodding in agreement, staring at him through eyes half lidded with pleasure.

When Roger was satisfied that you were ready for more than his fingers, he pulled them from you and got to his knees, shuffling around to rummage through his bedside cabinet. A moment later you realised why as he kicked off his underwear and tore open a condom. You watched as he rolled it down his shaft, noting he’d described himself quite accurately. “Sorry,” he said as he caught your eye, “did you want to do that?” “No, that’s okay,” you chuckled, “just that Dylan never liked to wear them,” “Hey, we have a rule remember. And this is the first time I’m fucking one of my students, I’m not doing it raw, are you kidding?” “Sorry. And yeah, you’re probably right to use one.” “Hey, this is just the control remember. Condoms are a variable we can change later.” You laughed at that and nodded as Roger squirted some lube into his palm and began stroking himself, letting out small groans at the contact. “Are you going to fuck me yet or is there something else I have to wait for?” “Careful Ms Y/L/N, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of attitude.” He smiled as he crawled over you again, catching your lips quickly before he sat back on his heels and pushed your legs wide. With a final look, as if to give you a chance to end things before they went any further, he lined himself up and pressed himself into you. You gasped as he filled you easily, bottoming out. “God you feel good,” he panted, “are you okay? Can I move?” “Yeah,” you nodded, “please move.” He breathed out a small sigh as he pulled his hips back and snapped them forward again, finding a rhythm. As he got more comfortable in the moment, Roger leaned over you again, pushing his face between your breasts and laving your skin with his tongue. He rediscovered the spots he’d found earlier, humming around your nipples and squeezing your boobs as he thrust into you. “Feel good?” “Yeah,” “You close yet?” “Not really.” “That’s alright,” he said softly as he readjusted his position, sitting back and lifting your legs over his shoulders. You felt the angle change as he fucked into you harder than before, his pace a little faster, “Play with your tits for me.” You didn’t hesitate to do as he asked, panting in sync with his thrusts as he dropped his fingers to your clit, rubbing in tight circles, forcing more moans and whines from your throat. “That’s right, tell me how good it is to be spread out under your professor, full of my hard cock. Christ you’re so fucking tight. Why didn’t I fuck you sooner?”.” You let your moans pick up a little as he ploughed into you, willing yourself to reach your climax. “Yeah? You like that. Are you close now?” “Uh-” “So no.” “Sorry, i-it just takes a while usually. I could f-fake it if you wa-nt to stop.” “No!” his voice sounded strained as he stilled inside you, “This is about getting you off and I will keep fucking you even if it takes all night for you to cum. I just need to readjust again.” Your laugh became a small whine as he pulled out of you and rolled you over so you were on top of him, “what are you-?” “Ride me. You said you like being on top so ride me,” You smiled and pressed your lips to his quickly before settling yourself over him and carefully sinking down into place. As you took him as deep as you could you halted a moment to enjoy the sensation of being full again, gently rocking your hips as you braced your hands on Roger’s chest. He held your gaze as he slipped two fingers into his mouth, pulling them out when they were dripping with saliva. He pressed them together with his thumb before bringing the wet digits to your right nipple, massaging it until you arched your back and tilted your head backwards. There was no way to resist any longer and you raised yourself on your knees before sinking back down, grunting as he hit just the right spot. “Better?” he grunted. “Mhmm,” you managed to get out before a moan, once again lifting and dropping yourself. You settled into the flow of it, the movement of your hips and the way you pulsed around him as you took him harder and faster, feeling the pleasure build and build and build. Until Roger’s voice, cracking with the effort, broke through your concentration. “Fuck, I’m close, I’m close. I’m gonna cum,” “Okay,” you said, not sure what else you could say, a little disappointed that it was going to be over before you could finish. So much for all night, though you supposed he’d only said that to help you relax and finish faster. At least it was hot watching him unravel beneath you, his grunts and groans loud and shameless, his hips spasming under yours. You waited until he was done, eyes closed and chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and then lifted yourself to dismount him. Or you would have, except you felt his hands grab you by the hips and press you down again. “Your turn,” he said it so earnestly, no hint of the dominant teasing from earlier or any egotistical overconfidence, that you found yourself agreeing immediately, shocked into doing what he was guiding you to. You raised your hips again, let him pull you back down hard and before long you’d found your rhythm again. He let go of your hip, moving the hand to messily rub your clit as you shifted a little, changing the angle by a fraction. It was enough to have you careening towards the edge, even as Roger pulled air through his teeth as the extra stimulation. “So close,” you muttered before he could ask, eyes shut, intent on your mission. “C’mon, cum on my cock, show me how good it feels,” You nodded unthinkingly as he encouraged you, feeling it just out of reach until finally the familiar warmth washed over you, a long moan slipping from between your lips as you swivelled your hips, prolonging the orgasm as long as you could. “There you go, good girl.”

******

Roger gasped as you climbed off him and carefully removed his condom to throw it out. “I could have done that,” “You did enough.” He was smiling when you turned back to face him and beckoned you over to join him on the bed once more, pressing a kiss to your jaw and the corner of your mouth before he found your lips again. You sighed against him, lost in the blissful warmth of the moment. “I’ll do it. I’ll tutor you,” Roger said after some time, his arm draped over your side, your faces inches from each other. “You mean it?” “Yes.” “Because I’m a hot shag?” He let out an exhale of laughter, “Because I would rather you learnt about that kind of stuff from someone like me than some random on the internet who thinks that being dominant means being cruel or causing pain. At least I can make sure you approach things from a healthy angle with your own enjoyment in mind as much as your ex’s.” “Thank you. So…when do we start?” “Give me a few days to plan out some lessons, put together a curriculum.” “Oh, so it’s going to be like proper tutoring then.” “You’re the one that came to a teacher about this.” “Fair enough.” You would have happily stayed there longer and you later wondered if Roger would have let you had an alarm on his phone not gone off, a reminder to put his bins out for collection in the morning. He frowned as he realised the time and glanced at you. The piercing melody had brought the reality of the situation back to both of you. “I guess that means I should leave, right?” Roger sat up and scooted a little further away from you, “Yes, you probably should.” He paused for a moment, “No one can know about this.” “I know, I understand. It’s our secret.” He pulled in a breath, “Exactly, our secret. Do you need me to call you a cab?” “No, it’s fine, I drove here.” “Okay. Well, why don’t we get dressed and I’ll walk you out.” “Are you okay with this? If you really don’t want to teach me, I’d understand.” “No I want to. More than I should.” “That’s okay. No one will know and we’ll do things your way, whatever you think is best.” “My way,” he muttered to himself, “Yes. Exactly. Okay. Um, tell you what,” he swung his legs out of the bed and bent forward to retrieve the underwear he’d discarded earlier, pulling them up under cover of the corner of the bed sheet, “I will grab my things and go collect our dishes from dinner. You can stay here and get changed and then when you’re ready to go, come find me in the kitchen, okay Ms Y/L/N?” “Sounds great, Professor Taylor.” He nodded at you once more before he left, bending to collect his pants and shirt on his way. You waited a minute or so, mind racing with the events of the evening and the promise of what would be coming, before you too stood and began to redress.

When you felt sufficiently tidy you stepped out into the hallway and headed in the direction you hoped led to the kitchen. Roger was there, redressed and hardly looking like he’d just got out of bed, leaning against the bench, eyes out of focus. When you arrived though his head jerked around towards your movement. “All good?” he asked, “got everything?” “Yeah, think so.” “Well,” he said, leading you towards the front door, “it was great having you. Over. Having you over. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” “It was great for me too Professor.” “I will see you in class on Monday, don’t forget about that reading you’re meant to do.” “Got it. Um, can I ask about my next tutoring session, when would that be?” “I will talk to you about it after class on Monday if that’s okay.” “Absolutely, whatever works for you Professor.” He opened the door, standing on his side of the entrance as you stepped outside, “Right, well. Goodnight Ms Y/L/N,” “Goodnight Roger,” you said, quickly leaning in to kiss his cheek, “and thank you.” He still looked a little stunned as you got into your car, wondering just what you’d got yourself into.

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #roger taylor imagine #professor roger taylor #it feels so good to be posting this tbh #i cant wait for ya'll to read it and also the rest of the series ksjflsflsjflsjf

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keigoslego · 4 years

Text

Dadzawa Pt 2

You dont need to read part one for this to make sense, its just kinda the same AU

Sorry for like not uploading in awhile ;; My health is HORRIBLE so ive been lowkey dying but im back now. I’m still not too confident with my smut yet so have this short domestic thing with Aizawa

part one

It’s been about 4 months since Aizawa and you welcomed your daughter, she inherited almost all of her father’s looks-- which made you a bit disappointed but you only hoped that she would start to take some of your traits when she grew older.

“It’s not fair,” you complain with a sigh. Even though she was only 4 months you were back on the job, even if it was just paperwork.

They needed you out there, and nobody but fellow heroes and a select few of the U.A students even knew of your daughter. Her entire existence was like a target on you and Aizawa’s back.

She was the biggest secret in your life, you wanted to protect her for as long as possible. And you dread the day she becomes public knowledge because she could get hurt or worse.

It was hard enough keeping your pregnancy on the low while you would walk outside, baggy shirts and multiple layers were to go to whenever you wanted to go outside. Thankfully the small neighborhood understood Aizawa’s and Your concerns and kept quiet about the ordeal.

“I can take her tomorrow you know,” Aizawa says, setting down some coffee in front of you.

You take a sip, “I don’t want to trouble you though.”

Aizawa raises an eyebrow, “You do realize that it’s my kid as well right? It’s not fair for you to have all the responsibilities.”

Taking another sip you look at your husband, “You’re gonna take her to U.A tomorrow?”

He shrugs, “I don’t see why I cant, she’s pretty quiet for a baby anyway so I doubt she’ll cause that much trouble. I’ll drop her off before I go on patrol.”

It’s not that you didn’t trust U.A, it’s the wild students that your husband was graced with that made you worried. But, you really needed a break from her to focus on your work-- even if it meant only a few hours, “If your students touch a single hair on her head I will be committing manslaughter.”

Aizawa chuckles and kisses your cheek, “I don’t doubt that.”

Your husband leaves your office for a moment only to come back with your daughter. She was glued to his hip, having some of his hair crunched in her small fist. Looking at them like this you could really see the resemblance, not that you would ever cheat on Aizawa but anybody would know that the kid is his.

The raven hair, his eye shape-- she was his little twin. She even shared the same laid back personality and almost never cried. If she was having a moment it only takes Aizawa’s touch to calm her down.

“I have a feeling she’s gonna pick you as her favorite,” You smile taking another sip of coffee.

Aizawa smirks, “I mean I’m not exactly complaining. She’ll learn how to fight from the best teacher out there-- it’s me if you haven’t guessed”

“Shouta I swear to god,” You laugh.

“If you think I’m gonna let her leave my house without knowing how to put somebody in their place,” He pauses to wipe her mouth with his sleeve, “I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong husband.”

“She better come back in once piece tomorrow, In fact how will you watch her while you teach?” You ask taking another sip.

“Didn’t we just get that carrier thing?” He replies.

“I mean I guess you can use it,” You roll your eyes playfully, “thought you would carry her all day.”

“Are you challenging me?”

The two of you look at each other before breaking out into laughter.

#aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my hero academia #fanfic #boku no hero academia #dadzawa

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dyketectivecomics · 3 years

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No ones asking but I’m gonna Go Off abt this idea anyways. And also say this may or may not be canon to my Book Ends project that’s been languishing for years now ANYWAYS

Night Force but College AU aka

"No Magic but the gang still gets together to lay about in their college library and play DnD every other weekend" jdfksla;f

The kids are all attending Hudson University in NY as undergrads in varying fields, but the thing that brings them together (as is often the case) is their overlap in dorm accommodations and elective courses. They claim a study room in the library and Make It Theirs

still thinking about their degrees and might change em, but here's what Im thinking so far:

Raven is premed/psych (yall already know it depends entirely on my Mood™), Traci is either criminal justice or prelaw (sticking w/ her living with the Dibnys and that inspiring her to rlly dive into wanting to be a PI, so those are like, the bare min to getting Started), Zach's a theatre arts major & Eddie's a film major (& they both end up in a lot of projects together bc OFC), im thinking Lori is an english major to start off (bc she Doesnt actually know what she wants to be doing but she knows she at least doesn't hate lit analysis) but maybe she changes her mind idk, we'll see. and finally Klarion is Undeclared at first BUT (and stick with me here) i think it would be fucking hilarious if he was a math major. bc no one would fucking expect it and also im projecting shut up LISTEN.

Amy is absolutely there, but she's a HS student who's shoehorned her way into the group bc her parents both teach at the Uni OBVSLY (thats like, actual canon btw) and so she's just Always hung around campus and now she's part of their group :)

(similarly skye's part of the group, but she's gonna come n go a bit more. i'm still Mulling over exactly where I want her to be/how i want to use her & if i want to get too wrapped up in giving her a major or not... bc-)

skye's gonna Cause some Drama bc we CANT just have an AU, oh no we need PLOT and instead of a Bad/Dying End for her, shes just gonna transfer to Gotham State or Metropolis U or smthn fjkdlsa;

Enter various Shadowpact/JLD members as like, professors or grad students or w/e i don't have anyone there figured out Just Yet obvsly but also they're not the Focus anyways so-

Winters is the like, a librarian/archivist for the Uni & lurks around the same study room (bc its right around the corner from his office) and he frequently tries to get the kids to run errands/do favors for him bc he was using the room as extra space originally and now they're RUINING THAT and he needs to get them OUT

idk, i'll think of more stuff eventually but thats the uhh, Ground Work for now.

#the night forge adventures #new night force #randywrites #to write #god i havent thought abt book ends in forever tho either fjdka #also college aus should be way more of a Thing... like.... the Freedom they afford with a lot of the same tropes that you can copy/paste #from hs aus too.... the Range you can implement while being right in the Cusp between the final teenage years and the beginnings of the 20s #theres just!!!!!! a lot abt college!!! im barely out and i do miss campus ngl!!!!!#maybe thats also partially why im writing this up rn fdjkals; already romanticizing something that hasnt long yet passed #getting way to existential for 1 am ok time for bed. thanks for coming to my tedtalk

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

#it lives spoilers #ilitw spoilers #it lives #salt #long post #drugs tw #cops tw #police brutality tw #racism tw #victim blaming tw #anti connor green #ilitw #lucas thomas #ask #identity thief anon #self harm tw

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 4 years

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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depressionbelikeamanda · 4 years

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Just felt i should start writing cause nobody would understand the way i do. So a letter to my future self.

It’s funny how depression is seeing like something that's just in your mind, no one treats depression like a broken arm, or an injury but ‘’try to think good things’’.

Nice to meet you, my name is Amanda, I’m 22 years old, a brazilian girl currently living in Ireland, working as a caregiver, doing IT, trying to survive my mental condition everyday, trying really hard by the way…

I’m not writing so people can see this, but because i need a place to express myself and not being judge. Maybe not even this, but a place that i can just write everything I’m feeling.

I don’t think most of people can understand what it is to have depression, anxiety or some mental problem, maybe because they are too busy with their lifes, maybe they just dont give a shit, maybe they way they were raised was so though they just don’t want to accept that people can have mental problems, or maybe smth else that i cant think right now. But yeah, everybody has their own reasons to not believe this is a real thing, but what can we do right? Even though there are many people struggling with depression, others mental problems, and studies that proves it’s real and we are not making this up, people still think it’s nothing, it’s just something that we can just turn to happy thoughts, right? If you can’t see the problem it means there is NO problem.

Anyway, I started writing this because I’m literally in the middle of a mental breakdown but (not saying the company i work for) the person who’s in the emergency line of my company doesn’t give a shit for mental health.

Is it fair that I called 2 hours before my shift starts that I was in the middle of a depression crisis?

Is it fair that she needs to find someone to cover me in this short period of time?

But I dont think it’s fair with myself as well that i have to work while I’m crying, feeling I’m gonna faint, vomit, that I’m feeling so weak my stomach is hurting, that I can’t barely breathe (No, it’s not corona cause i did the test and it was negative), that I have to cycle to EACH client even though I’m feeling all these things and I can literally fall from the bike, that I wasn’t taking my depression/anxiety medicines cause I didnt have enough money to pay for my medicines cause i dont even have money to pay my own rent (at least my friend gave me some so i dont have to freak out for some time). Yeah, I’m not working that much since when the pandemic started, used to work 43/45 hours per week and now I’m working just 23. I have my rent, bils, food, medicines, student loan… but as the emergency woman said ‘’you can’t stay without your medicines, it’s not that expensive, around 10 euros.’’, but i paid 36 and yeah, it’s not a lot of money, but for a student who has to pay everything by my own, it’s not working as much as I used to, don’t have money to pay my rent, food, imagine medicines… so, it’s just 36 euros, i’d love if someone could pay my medicines, i’d love if I could get strangers medicines, but I dont even have money to pay my medicines, imagine to pay the doctor AGAIN, and then start paying more for a medicine that right now I dont even have money to pay the ‘’normal’’ one. (Idk if it makes sense in English, cause not my first language, anyway). And I’m here in my client’s house waiting her to finish her conversation with her daughter so i can start working, my shift starts at 17:00 and it’s already 17:26, and i have to make her tea, smth to eat, wash the dishes when she finishes, but yeah, at least i dont have to talk with her cause im feeling so sick, my face is so huge right now cause i couldnt stop crying, I took 3 medicines to get better to finish this day but idk if is helping or making worse cause i wanna vomit so bad that idk whats happening.

Anyway, i finished my client and called my friend so he could help me to sort this out before i go to my next client at 20:00, he was teaching me how to breath so i can calm down, it worked a bit not even thought i was feeling tralking with someone who really knows and the best thing is that shes a psychologist, so I called her, i was crying like hell, explained everything that happened and she said that (not exactly in these words) i need to get help from a psychiatrist cause I’m always gonna have smth going on if i don’t get help, and as she said ‘’Headache, sore throat, depression crisis, that all these things that i have/feel is connected to my mental health…’’. I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed after she said this cause I know that ny mental health is because of my emotions 99% of times, but it’s dont think my sore throat was caused because im feeling sad. Two weeks ago when i felt my throat hurting I was pretty ok, I haven’t stoped with the medication at that time cause i still had it, and I was pretty ok actually, I just reported to the office cause when i got the virus for the first time the first symptoms i had was sore throat, and i dont have this often, like, in over 2 years i just had 3 times, the first time was tonsillitis, the second was because i got the virus, the third was two weeks ago and i still dont know what it was, cause i felt a bit strange so i reported because i thought it might be the virus, cause it was exactly what i felt before, so i did the covid test and it was negative so i know it wasnt the virus, but i didnto go to any doctor because as I said in the beginning of the text i dont have money to pay my rent, my medicines, I DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO SEE WHY MY THROAT IS HURTING, so i still dont know what it was, but i got throat medicines from my friend and then got better, so maybe smth like tonsillitis but not that strong cause tonsillitis feels worse than what i felt, anyway, coming back to 2 weeks ago, i just reported because I was afraid that it could be the virus and my clients were in dangerous, but now that i know how she feels about myself (even though it can be true) I won’t report any other symptom (she works in my company office), not cause im trying to get attention, cause no one is reading this, but myself, but cause i feel that the company doesnt take me serious. Anyway, I just wont report anything anymore, I just hope i don’t get anything that i can spread to my clients cause i do love them, and i care for them more than for myself, cause i dont give a shit if i die because of the virus, or anything, but if if my clients get this because of me id never forgive myself. Anyway, it’s just sad that a friend and a psychologist thinks that cause my emotions i have sore throat and headache and i’m not able to work because of THESE. Normally I’m not able to work for good reasons, I’m always honest with my company, I could totally pretend i felt from my bike so I couldnt work, I could give a really good excuse to not work, but instead i said the truth, cause i couldnt get my medicines cause I’m not working that much so i dont have money to pay anything and i was having an abstinence crisis and I was shaking, feeling vomiting, dizzying… anyway… Unfortunately people can’t understand whats happening with others cause they are not others, and even if we try hard we could never understand, unless we’re going through the same. The only thing we can do is support who we love, even if it doesnt make any sense for us, because for them it does.

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fakeboitherottengirl · 4 years

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Classrooms Should Not Be A “Safe Space”

There should be no classroom where a student feels unwelcome for trying to learn and better themselves. Especially in areas like racial/cultural/gender studies, these should be places of LEARNING not just regurgitating what you all already agree with. Let people ask questions. Let people get it wrong and correct them.

Sophomore year, I joined a sociology class that required no prerequisites or major (aka a beginner class open to everybody) and was really excited and open to the fact that it was run by the Black Studies department because I thought “wow, something other than the white upper class sociology professor, cool.” When I got there, I was the only white person, and one of three non-black people. All the students appeared to know the professor already from other classes, who gave off that “cool guy” vibe by opening his classes with music videos and saying ‘fuck’ a lot. I mentioned him to a friend who had taken a class with him before and knew him as a person (she was black) and she advised I drop the class right away. I thought she was saying this because the class itself was hard, but when I asked her, shed taken a different class and still advised me to drop it. We were reading “All the Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men, But Some of Us Are Brave” which is an amazing book and I was really into the class so I didn’t.

I sensed some hostility from the professor building until one day I got up to go to the bathroom and he started yelling “You have no respect, you think you can just come and go you don’t respect the class or me” and I profusely apologized and explained that the Disability Resource Center should have sent him a letter that I was on medication and would likely need to use the restroom once or more per class. I went to the restroom and took all my stuff and left crying (Im REALLY bad about being yelled at by authority figures) and one of the boys followed me out and was another person who told me, concerned, “Drop the class”. I had to keep the class to have a full-time schedule or I couldnt live on campus so I had no other option by that point in the semester.

A few weeks later, I was reading along on my laptop (which id brought to every previous class, as my disability accommodations allowed it) and he thought i wasnt paying attention so he came by me and slammed a textbook to the ground next to me as hard as he could. Im autistic, and the loud noise startled me and I started sniffling and he grabbed my laptop really roughly by the screen so the bottom part was hanging, saw that i was reading along, and then dropped it back on my desk with no apology. I had a panic attack and left the class and, according to somebody who stayed, changed the topic of the day to my “white fragility” and that I was a “crying white woman” (which like technically yea but i wasnt crying because white guilt or being called racist I was crying because I was autistic and startled with a sudden loud noise which is a major trigger).

There were other smaller incidents (he had a major problem with my absences and took them personally even though i have a chronic illness and was absent from every class just the same, I even went out of my way to try to get to his because I was so afraid of him by then). There was a time where we were talking about drugs and he asked a question about “what drug can get you a life sentence in jail” and I answered “LSD” because there had recently been a case in the news of exactly that happening and so of course I thought he was referring to that and was looking forward to finally getting something right. How he corrected me: “This girl, again. Black people don’t DO acid”. Then he went on to talk about the crack epidemic and i was like oh that makes sense but what I said wasnt wrong?

He was yelling at me “Do you ever pay any attention? You barely even show up. You probably expect me to hand you an A just for taking this class”. This was at the end of class, and I said to him (crying, again, because i cant talk to ‘real adults’ without melting down) that I had autism and ADHD, that they were both on file with the DRC, and he said my learning disorder and disability were excuses that white people used “to give a head start to their lazy children” and that it was “entitled” of me to ask that my accommodations be respected because my disability was really just white laziness and he made a really good point about how black kids are less likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities and are treated as behavioral cases which yeah 100% correct but he used it as a way to say “these disabilities dont really exist” not “these disabilities are under-diagnosed in certain communities”.

The final straw was my midterm paper. I wrote on the book I mentioned above, a really good paper that I worked really hard on that met all the requirements of the rubric. It came back to me marked C- without any notes or corrections on it, while everybody else had red writing all over their pages. I mentioned it to my friend who had taken his class before and she said “Oh, he wont give the white kids higher than a C-, its the lowest grade he can give without having to cite a reason. Hes bragged about it” (she knew him on a personal level, like been-to-his-house-for-dinner personal). So I ripped the paper up and never went back to his class and just let him fail me for attendance. It was the first class I ever failed.

The entire time I was trying to learn, I was treated like an outsider. This was not the BSU or the African Heritage Society or any place where I should have been treated any different than any other student (those places would have been well right to reject me as those are not my spaces). This was an entry-level classroom, but to the professor I did not belong there even though I paid the same tuition as my classmates. Every question was treated as hostile. Every mistake was a personal insult. Ive seen the same thing happen in my women’s lit classes or feminist-related sociology classes done to male students, although I can only speak to my own experiences, its distressing for EVERYBODY in the room, not just the person the professor targets.

If you are in a classroom in good faith willing to learn, you belong in that classroom. Professors who act otherwise do nothing but scare people who want to learn away from knowledge (I was afraid to take any classes that overlapped with the Black Studies department after that until my senior year when I took a literature class that overlapped, which was lovely and I learned a lot because the professor was interested in teaching). There are clubs, student unions, etc that are wonderful to serve as a safe space and a space that excludes those outside of the community but the classroom, where we all pay the same to be, can NOT be a “safe space”. Classrooms, if anything, should be a DANGEROUS space full of ideas and feedback that threaten the world view you walked in with.

IDK mostly this is just venting about a shitty professor because Im tweaking but yeah him and this lady I took a “women in drama” class with were two of the worst professors in existence and you shouldn’t take pride in making somebody afraid to learn. IDK. I feel like these kind of classes can really bring out abusive personality types because it is somehow implicit that there are some students you are allowed to abuse and take the high road if you get called on it (a MAN complaining about his FEMALE teacher in a class on WOMEN automatically looks bad). IDK. Abusive teachers are real and do real damage.

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 5 years

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So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so!

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down)

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building)

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively!

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major)

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything)

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak.

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others.

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself.

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

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doctormage · 5 years

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hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

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hp-fanficc · 6 years

Text

Tutoring Troubles - Chapter 1

As Hermione levitated the last of her posters in the library, she was really hoping that someone would reply to her offer to tutor them for exams. She was willing to teach any subject, up to practice OWL exams, as she was already preparing for her own. The library was about to close, and she sighed as she made her way back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Truth be told, while studying with someone would be beneficial, she could really use the money, and the sooner the better

Draco had noticed Hermione putting up posters around the school for the past hour and couldn't help but find it slightly amusing. When noticing her on her way back to the Gryffindor common room, he thought he'd have a little fun. "Not had enough time making yourself feel smarter than others, granger?" He called after her, the smile lingering on his lips

Hermione swiveled on the spot upon hearing her name, but immediately regretted it. She started to turn away without saying anything, surely Draco Malfoy would know nor care about her money issues, with his royalties and parents sending him anything he desired as fast his owl could deliver it.

"Going to ignore me now?" He asked, walking towards her while his grin played on his lips. "Now tell me, why do you want to tutor people? Isnt doing weasleys homework enough for you?"

"If you're not going to inquire about the service, just walk away, Malfoy." She said, an exasperated tone to her voice. She really had quite enough to deal with to put up with him, on top of it all.

He couldnt help but laugh. "And how would i inquire?" He asked, his tone quite jokey still

She turned around. "Do you need help in any subject, advancing from first year to OWL-level?" She asked in a curt fashion.

"I might do. I'm more interested in how i would ask for your... Help" he said simply, hiding the fact that he was honestly asking instead of annoying her

"It's tutoring, Malfoy. I'm not going to complete your assignments for you." she answered point-blank, assuming that's what he'd want

Nevermind then" he shrugged, walking away from her. "Good luck getting clients" he said over his shoulder as he heads towards the dungeons

The next day in potions, Draco sat with his head quite low as he struggled to get the instructions to work with what was happening in his cauldron. Snape has swept by the Gryffindor table giving his usual snide remarks to Harry and Ron, and kept silent at Hermione's cauldron, meaning he found nothing to criticize. "Just ignore it.." Hermione said softly to her friends as Snape walked on. After Draco himself received a disappointed look and a grunt off Snape, he walked away. Draco turned off his cauldron and sat in silence at the back of the room with his head on the table. As the bell rang, they started to pack up and Hermione, passing the Slytherin table, scrunched up her nose. Someone's potion had failed horribly, not that Snape would dare subtract points from his precious house. Draco waved his wand, quickly clearing the potion when seeing Hermione scrunch her nose. "Looking at something?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her She shook her head quickly. Now wasn't the time to instigate anything, right under Snape's nose. Even Harry and Ron knew better.

After about half an hour, an owl was sent off draco to find hermione at her dorm later that night. He didn't want people knowing he needed a bit of help from the gryffindor princess. "Meet me in the library at nine." Hermione read this over and over. She wasn't sure if it was a serious offer, or an attempt for someone to catch her out of bounds, after the library had closed. Only one way to find out. "Hey Harry..."

She stood in front of the library in Harry's invisibility cloak at 8:50. Either this person would show up, or they wouldn't. Draco entered the library at 8:55 and hung in the shadows as he looked around for hermione. Maybe she was coming. As students started to filter through the hallways back to their dorms the only one staying put was Draco Malfoy. She wasn't quick to trust it was him but as he, too, continued to stay he had just as much risk of getting caught. Taking off the cloak behind a pillar, Hermione emerged and walked towards him calmly. He raised an eyebrow as she approached him. "Nice to see that you came" he said simply, his eyes glided to her

"So you were the client, then?"

He gave a quick nod before moving to sit on a table near her. "Yes but before anything else, we need to talk conditions" he said firmly

"Yes, and somewhere more private."

"Where would be better for you?" He asked curiously. "Slytherin dorms?" He asked with a smug look

"Ha ha..." She led him to an abandoned classroom. He followed her silently, a grin playing on his lips as he noticed Hermione's unease to being out after hours.

"Firstly, how much does it cost for your silence to helping me and sneaking around so no one sees us together?" He asked bluntly, walking towards her.

"Technically, it wouldn't cost anything extra." she replied honestly. "What subject do you need help with?"

"Im not talking technically, think of it as compensation" he suggested, not letting her move on yet

"What I meant to say," she put it more plainly "is that I wasn't going to disclose anyone's information, anyway"

He rolled his eyes. "Is 30 Galleons a session enough?" He asked, sitting on the table and having hermione stand in front of him

She stared with her eyes as wide as the Galleons. "That's more than what I was going to charge, honestly."

"What's your rate?" He asked casually, knowing it won't make much difference to what he'll pay

"5 galleons per session" she replied honestly

He couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Because of your moral and that I'm going to have you sneaking round after hours with me and lie to your little friends about where you are, ill pay 30 a night" he said softly in her ear

"D-done"

He couldn't help but smirked at her stutter. "I think you noticed how badly im doing at potions this year so that's where im going to need your skills" he said simply, still whispering in her ear. "Do you have any rules?" He asked curiously

"Where exactly are you having trouble?" She raised her head up, opening the book

"You didnt answer my question. Are you sure thats wise not to have any rules of your own?" He asked playfully. "You never know what may happen"

"I'll let you know if I think of any." She replied curtly.

He shook his head and laughed. "Right, its not that um struggling but i cant seem to get the instructions to go from book to cauldron without messing up" he admitted.

"The application is the hardest part for sure, but with lots of concentration is it possible. Additionally, understanding the principles will serve you better than just following the instructions"

He gave her a curious look, running his hand through his hair. So where do you think we should start?" He asked, suddenly feeling more unsure and vulnerable infront of her than what he was comfortable with. She leafed until she reached the current chapter. "did you have difficulty understanding this?"

He glanced down at the page and frowned slightly, reading the instructions without saying anything to her. "Granger, im struggling in practical not theory" he pointed out. "Im fine with copying a text book"

"But that's my point, you have to understand it before you can apply it!"

"What are you talking about Granger"?" he sighed, his hand running through his hair. "So getting high marks on the essay isnt the right thing to do?"

"Not if you're just memorizing facts without any comprehension? what, do you think you'll spend the rest of your life just blindly following orders without understanding wh-" she cut herself off, and dropped her gaze back the book.

He placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. "Finish what you were saying" he said bluntly, staring her in the eyes

"Look, we're not here to talk about what you're planning on doing after you leave school." She said equally as blunty

He rolled his eyes. "Never shy away from finishing your sentence. It annoys me far to quickly" he warned. "I'd rather you say it and tell me not to take notice instead of cutting yourself off" he said simply, still holding her chin

"And I'd rather we focused on the subject at hand." She said, moving her face back, out of his reach.

He nodded. "So what do you want me to do?" He asked, looking back at the book.

He sat there listening to her talk through everything to do with the potion. He stayed silent, trying to take in any and all details possible."Any questions?" she finally asked. He looked slightly overwhelmed and dropped his eyes to the book. "Errmm... " he started but trailed off

"Dont cut yourself off," she reminded him. "Look, if you do what we discussed, Snape should give you at least an acceptable, but if you keep practicing, it should go up to an E or maybe even an O by the end of term"

He nodded slightly, still not believing her on it. "So how does that work with the practical?"

"Because the practical is application of the theory" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, getting a little stressed off her reply. "Same time, next week?" He gave a slight nod.

#dramione #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fan fiction #harry potter #draco x hermione

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strawberryspeachy · 3 years

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K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

#alt

0 notes

comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

January 10th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on January 10th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi~! (http://www.cllcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

my favorite scene so far is probably...well okay its not really a scene so much as a moment in a scene. but when soren is walking around with valentin and noticing that valentin already has like 1 billion friends. i can just severely relate to soren in that moment. it has some fantastic facial expression and i just love the panel framing too. theres kind of this sense of isolation whenever you see valentin interact. and even though soren is there, you get this sense he is the one out of place. and i just really think the visual aspects alone express that kind of loner thing he has going on

eleviken

haha hi! i'm the creator of Chasing Little Lights and i'll stick around here for a bit!

RebelVampire

glad to have you, @eleviken ~!

eleviken

i'm really glad you took note of that scene! i wanted to capture their different personalities - they are friends and get closer as the comic progresses, but soren is quite shy and valentin is a classic extrovert! i think valentin doesn't intend to single out people sometimes but he can give off that vibe

RebelVampire

actually honestly i really love valentin and soren's interactions. theyre very different people, and usually when you have an extrovert and an introvert they kind of butt heads. but nah, in this case valentin is like "hey buddy lets get bubble tea" and to me thats just super refreshing to see.

another scene i really like was the fencing scene. it played out exactly how i imagined it would: elena got her arrogant butt beaten by someone with infinite more years experience. but what i like more is that she doesnt expect this. instead to retreats further into her belief that she just wasnt on her a-game. cause i feel this is a moment that is true to how a real person would act.

and i also like how it preps for future drama

eleviken

that's great!! yeah i wanted valentin to be a good hearted person inside, even if he gives off an absentmindedly popular vibe! but of course there will be fights between the characters>:)

mhm! for me the fencing scene got quite tedious actually, as i wanted to have the action play out in maybe a few weeks, rather than dragging on for over a month. but i can only make a page per week with school and all, so i'm glad you enjoyed that!

all the characters are good people despite their flaws- elena's is arrogance obviously. we'll see how her character growth plays out in the future!

RebelVampire

yeah theres no doubt in my mind theyre good people. but i love all their flaws because theyre poignant and feel super realistic. not to mention i really enjoy a lot of the elements that stress them out cause to a degree it helps to make them feel their age.

eleviken

mhm, in future chapters - especially chapter 4, which is coming up soon, there will be more dramatic/challenging obstacles in the plot that will test their innocence as kids

i wanted to emphasize the coming of age aspect in the story because some challenges force you to grow up

RebelVampire

exactly what im hoping for. cause these kids are def in a situation where their innocence is gonna be tested. what with all the air pollution.

this is not s etting of happiness

K.E. Karlsen

yeah thats a theme i like seeing in stories and i can definitely see it happening in yours, whatever may happen

can i ask where you got the idea of a setting with air pollution sickness?

mathtans

The little one is in bed for the moment, but I might have to leave unexpectedly. ^.^

Rebel - I kind of liked that scene with Valentin having all the friends, but I think what I liked more was kind of the follow-up, when Kasen sees Soren with Valentin and thinks, geez, that guy's already got a friend. Kind of a perspective shift.

eleviken

i live in Shanghai, China, and air pollution has been a pretty big issue here! it has gotten better over the past few years but it's still very polluted. air pollution is also quite bad in areas like mongolia and india and other parts of asia

mathtans

Nice closer to Chapter 2 also.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. The comic’s setting is one where air pollution can be rampant enough to cause a fatal sickness called contamina. Given Valentin’s blood-filled coughing, do you believe he has contracted contamina? Why do you believe he is so intent on hiding his symptoms, especially from Elena? If Valentin does have contamina, do you believe he’d come to accept it or continue to live in denial? Whether he has contamina or not, how do you believe the others will react to finding out about the coughing? Overall, do you think Valentin’s health problems will change the group’s opinions on how normalized the air pollution is? How might this change their future goals?

mathtans

Characters need flaws, or it's boring.

eleviken

mathtans - to add on i think soren and kasen are more similar in personality than elena and val, defnitely! but they face very different challenges, so i think it makes them different in that way too:))

i am also a high school student! so i think CLL is at least semi-autobiographical in many ways

mathtans

Truth, probably makes sense that the siblings are a bit alike too.

eleviken

on question 2 - i won't give away too much

mathtans

I've been reading most of your little author notes btw eleviken. I think it's very cool that you're using your location as a setting. (Also, your field trip to Mongolia sounds really interesting, possibly more interesting than it was, I dunno.)

eleviken

but of course val will eventually be forced to face the issue

mathtans

I think Valentin is hiding the symptoms for a couple reasons. One, if people start talking about it, that makes it "real" and harder to deny to himself. Second, since his parents died due to pollution, he doesn't want his sister to have to go through the same kind of thing again.

eleviken

what really!!! i love leaving the author notes as a record to what i'm up to that week, but i didn't expect too many people to take note! my trip was a culture/service trip and it was definitely interesting, as it was quite different from the big city life in Shanghai

RebelVampire

you mean val doesnt just gain immortality and thus is rewarded for his denial?

eleviken

Maybe val /is/ an immortal!

RebelVampire

see

confirmed

no problems here

O_O;;;;;

mathtans

I wonder if on some level, like subconsciously, Valentin is hoping for a breakthrough that helps out his own health. And Elena's dismissal of his attempts at research may not be helping with that (though I get why she does it).

Valentin - There can be only one.

eleviken: Yup, I'm one of those readers who tends to check out Q&As and Author Notes and stuff. In particular I was interested because I've never been to China or anywhere in the far East. Cool!

(I'm also a high school teacher, so there's that side of me, pleased to see students doing creative things. )

RebelVampire

i honestly feel the denial is more for valentin's sake than elena's sake. because hes what, 14? 14 is not the age where youre ready to accept mortality. 14 is the age where you believe youre super invincible and nothing ever bad will happen to you ever. can do whatever you want for you are the immortal one. and to accept he has contamina is to accept that whatever he had planned in his future is now kaput. and i just dont think hes ready for that, thus the hiding.

not to mention denial is the first stage of the 5 stages of grief

eleviken

valentin is definitely an optimist, and as the creator it even makes /me/ sad to see (or make lol) him suffer. he's definitely holding out hope for a miracle about his health, whether it turns out to be contamina or not. he is definitely at a point of denial, by filling his life with fun and his new friends to forget about the problem!

mathtans

Oh, the denial is probably more for his sake, you're right. The not telling might be for Elena's sake a bit though.

eleviken

mathtans - no way, that's amazing! Thank you for teaching, it's definitely hard work!

mathtans

Valentin is kind of the type to throw caution to the wind too, like I don't know the specifics of the disease, but he wanders around without a mask like that won't make the problem get worse faster or something.

Oh, thank you eleviken.

RebelVampire

eh i feel that the hiding it from others goes along with hiding it from himself. cause i get more the impression hes hiding it from the others to protect himself more than to protect the others. cause if he told elena, shes going to make a fuss and treat him like hes dying. and he cant very well live in denial about dying if everyone treats him like hes dying.

mathtans

That's a good point too, Rebel. (Who knows what's going on in his head!)

RebelVampire

although im sure there isnt no element about protecting elena cause of what happened to their parents. i just think self preservation is the overriding factor

eleviken

val and elena definitely have the petty sibling dynamic, but with their parents gone they are also looking out for each other. elena isn't good at expressing her emotions, though, so it's not directly stated that she's protective! i think part of his not-wearing-a-mask-stupidity is denial as well. as someone who's inclined to be happy, Val really wants to hold on to that happiness!

mathtans

Maybe Soren will come up with the cure. Can't kick him out of school if he does that.

eleviken

Ah soren's grade issue is quite important too! i think the pressure to achieve perfect grades is a reality for many students, and i especially see it at my school.

RebelVampire

although tbh i get the hint of a stigma? like at least that guy in the bathroom was kind of...apprehensive when he thought valentin might have contamina. even tho its established contamina is not contagious, its kind of got the cancer affect it seems. where everyone is like eww gross stay away from me sick person. and for an extrovert like valentin, that would probably be devastating. to be avoided because of something like being sick.

mathtans

Speaking as a teacher, I feel like society (well, North American society at least) is starting to put way too much emphasis on grades, and not enough emphasis on, y'know, actually learning stuff. Students tend to ask me "how can I get an 80%" not "how can I understand this unit better".

Rebel: Good point. It's said to not be contagious, but if people think that only poorer types who can't afford to replace their masks get the disease, that might be part of it.

eleviken

that's definitely very true at my school - as an asian school with an american system, the pressure to get 4.0s, have extracurriculars, and get into ivies is supersupersuper high. i'm under that pressure myself!

RebelVampire

haha that emphasis on grades over learning has been in the us for a looooong time. but now you have helicopter parents so a good portion of teachers in the us are just giving the grades anyway. because administration wont back the teachers up in the face of angry parents.

but i digress.

eleviken

mathtans - i'm going to admit i never thought about the "poorer people" part, that's very smart!

mathtans

You never know what will be read into things, feel free to run with it.

Yeah, it's not as bad here in Canada, but we still have some standardized testing. Anyway.

Hope you're able to weather the pressure, eleviken. The fact that you can keep up with a comic shows pretty good time management skills.

RebelVampire

i definitely feel that valentin's dilemma will make all the kids confront the air pollution. especially elena cause seeing another person she loves get contamina has to make her confront the idea that air pollution is bad and they shouldnt just go "nah its fine and normal were kids"

eleviken

thanks mathtans! i'm managing to keep up :))

i think high school can definitely be a bubble from real-world issues, and val's problem is forcing him to face the real world. that's a big coming of age part!

RebelVampire

yeah and i definitely love that about this story. that theres this whole conflict and theme of the child bubble world vs the actual world with all its huge problems that are overwhelming to deal with

mathtans

It's one of those things too where, if you see it every day, it just becomes normal. Why confront something that's normal? Whereas for the transfer students, it's not a normal thing, so maybe they can help with that.

Superjustinbros

peeks in

eleviken

hi!

mathtans

Good point, eleviken.

Superjustinbros

Hello there~

Just thought I'd drop in till the end

and this comic of yours is pretty interesting, @eleviken

eleviken

speaking of that, i am heading to class! i will still be here for the most part, though. :))

thanks!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! Kudos too for representing all these different countries

(And shoutouts to Soren's hair)

RebelVampire

hey super~!

Superjustinbros

Hi Rebel!

RebelVampire

good luck in class, eleviken!

Superjustinbros

Secodned!

RebelVampire

and thats also true math. i definitely get that impression from val and elena

mathtans

All the best with classes!

RebelVampire

that theyre just so used to it they cant even fathom what clean air is like even

too normal

just everyday life

mathtans

Yeah, the choice to have a bunch of countries was cool. I like the little flags in the dialogue bubbles.

RebelVampire

although speaking of normalization though, i really loved that dialogue piece where kasen was saying "did you hear about that celebrity who died of contamina" to elena and elena just said what a shame i liked their music.

like man

mathtans

I'm also impressed that Valentin can already speak 5 languages.

RebelVampire

thats great characterization on how they view the world

yeah

valentin dying is a tragedy

dawgofdawgness

Is this still going? For CLL

mathtans

Rebel - Great point there.

RebelVampire

cause he seems super smart

yes it is~!

we still have another hour left

eleviken

DAWG!!! HEY!!!

dawgofdawgness

HALLO

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Kasen and Soren are both characters who have to deal with academic and parental pressure for various reasons. Do you believe Soren will be able to maintain a 3.5 grade average? Or, do you think even with the help of the others he’ll continue to struggle and fall behind? Whether he fails or succeeds, do you believe the school will continue to honor their scholarship agreement? In the long run, do you believe Soren will be able to help pull his family out of poverty with his potential academic success? Kasen, being the headmaster’s daughter, has to deal with similar pressures. Do you believe that Kasen will be able to convince her father to let her go to art school? How might she accomplish this? Alternatively, do you believe she’ll give into her father’s reasoning? Lastly, how might these similar struggles help or hurt the groups’ relationships with each other?

dawgofdawgness

I saw your wall post lmao

eleviken

rebel - ngl i added that dialogue in later, probably about a year into the comic. i really wanted to emphasize the air pollution part!

dawgofdawgness

I thiiiiink that Soren is gonna have to make some sort of sacrifice to maintain his GPA

eleviken

ok i love these questions! i won't spoil but it's great to see this discussion

dawgofdawgness

I think what's keeping Sore n back is his self confidence lol, that's one of the things about his character - he's always putting himself down and getting really anxious about everything

Superjustinbros

That's pretty much what happens at all these CTP's

dawgofdawgness

and Kasen , she's a bright student but needs to be pushed - what's holding her back, I think, is inexperience

mathtans

Just want to add, I think all the characters have parental issues, even the other two mains because of how their parents passed on. It's an interesting theme.

Superjustinbros

That's sad.

eleviken

yeah! kasen is quite smart, but she doesn't want to ~try~ at school because she wants to do art. as a creator i think she still should to an extent, but the pressure from her father is quite high

Superjustinbros

I can relate to that so much

dawgofdawgness

oooh that's relatable

mathtans

Dawg: Yeah, I'm reminded of the "reading difficulties" thing that was alluded to, and how the book he was reading at one point said "you're going to fail" or words to that effect. So definite self confidence issues. I wonder if Soren does have some kind of learning disability though, like dyslexia or something? Or maybe just has trouble with English, is better with German.

eleviken

me too! i don't have plans to go to art school, but the pressure to do well is quite high

dawgofdawgness

ohhh right yeah

Superjustinbros

I was good in school but lots of times I would just zone out and think of making art/games because it gets really tedious.

RebelVampire

i definitely think soren has self confidence issues, but i dont think thats the only thing holding him back persay. i think hes probably suffering a bit from actually being educationally behind. because private schools have way more intense curriculum and generally better educational programs than public schools. so its like someone whose only taken algebra that now they have to do calculus.

dawgofdawgness

Soren maybe has a language barrier as well? Since he's going to a prestigious college out of the country

eleviken

mathtans - nope! english is just not soren's native language

yeah, and ASI is a very competitive school

Superjustinbros

But yeah just saying I can relate to that feeling of wanting freedom

mathtans

I also don't feel like Soren will be able to pull off the 3.5, but that maybe there will be extenuating circumstances (from his friends advocating for him to Soren discovering a cure for the disease) that might prevent him from being kicked out.

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

dawgofdawgness

wait what's soren's gpa at right now?

or is it unknown

mathtans

Rebel: That's also a good point, about private schooling.

RebelVampire

he mentioned it

its under 3.5

close but under

eleviken

under!

dawgofdawgness

oh ok

he'll be fine pfpfttt

RebelVampire

3.2

dawgofdawgness

I have a feeling that he's going to reach that GPA through hard academic studies, and then get kicked out for smoking weed or something

RebelVampire

http://www.cllcomic.com/comic/83/

Superjustinbros

These feels

eleviken

HAHAHA SOREN SMOKING WEED!!

it seems like the most unlikely thing he'd do but at the same time i can see him doing it

RebelVampire

i think he can do it cause hes super close to a 3.5. so he only has to do a smidgen better in a few classes and just not do worse in others

Superjustinbros

Meanwhile I'm looking at these pages and just feeling sorry for Soren

RebelVampire

this is what soren will do in college when he find out high school was worthless and basically a cruise ship

Superjustinbros

I second that

RebelVampire

buuuuuut

i also feel if he hits 3.5 theyre gonna raise the bar on him

and say "good job soren. now get a 4.0 or we kick you out"

cause i feel like that counselor would not care at all about the struggles and triumphs he went through to even get a 3.5

Superjustinbros

That's harsh.

RebelVampire

i mean not that im hoping thats the direction

but that counselor gives me bad vibes man

like theyre just waiting and hoping to kick soren out

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

RebelVampire

i feel bad for soren that its being put on him to pull his family out of poverty

especially cause his academic success doesnt even gurantee that

getting a job is a whole other ballpark

dawgofdawgness

With Kasen, wasn't it also implied that she has social problems on top of academic problems?

I remember there beeing a scene where she looks out the window and is sad i think

RebelVampire

idk if she has social problems? she seems better adjusted than soren socially speaking. although shes definitely less outgoing than elena and val

although i do get the impression shes maybe not the best at expressing herself?

like i kind of feel she holds back some

dawgofdawgness

oh right

ShaRose49

Hi!! I really wanted to make it to this chat cause I read all of the comic. I think poor Valentin is misguidedly thinking he’s being selfless in that he doesn’t tell anyone. And he probably doesn’t think it’s contamina

Superjustinbros

Oh hello there. ^^

ShaRose49

Hullo!

mathtans

Back. Little one was fussing in her crib.

Superjustinbros

Welcoem back!

dawgofdawgness

Yupp, Val's gonna have to accept his sickness or else he will have consequencesss

Superjustinbros

Hope the little one's doing alright @mathtans

RebelVampire

tbf val's acceptance is irrelevant to the consequences

dawgofdawgness

I gotta go, I have to do AP bio (which is a course that Soren takes) no wonder he has a 3.2 GPA the homework is ass

mathtans

I was wondering about that counselor, if she had hearing problems or something. Because the first time we meet her, we see Soren knock at the door, he comes in, and then she says "knock next time". I was thinking, like... he did? Where were you?

dawgofdawgness

goodluck @eleviken !! goodbyee

mathtans

SJB: Oh yeah, she's fine, just not much of a sleeper.

Superjustinbros

Bye!

mathtans

Dawg: Best with it!

(I was never into bio.)

RebelVampire

good luck dawg!

i dont think the counselor has a hearing problem

she was probably just focused

which i get

when im focused i legit cancel out all sound

Superjustinbros

aah I see, Math.

mathtans

ShaRose: Interesting point, about the being selfless thing.

RebelVampire

i think the counselor has a being a bitch problem cough cough

ShaRose49

@mathtans yeah I guess

mathtans

Prejudiced against Germans.

ShaRose49

Yeah that counsellor sucked

RebelVampire

but im sure she has reasons and stuff

Superjustinbros

I'd believe it if she did have a bitch problem

RebelVampire

but admittedly as someone who was as socially anxious as soren at that age

i wouldve been in tears if i had knocked and someone's reply to me was "knock first"

so that moment specifically angered me to no end

in the good way

mathtans

Yeah, character feels.

ShaRose49

Yeah I felt sorry for Soren. My Dad is German so I guess that makes me half

Superjustinbros

Soren is nothing but feels

ShaRose49

And nice hair

Superjustinbros

yes the hair too

I just want to hug him.

mathtans

I want to see Soren do some of his music stuff.

ShaRose49

Same

Superjustinbros

Secodning the music stuff

ShaRose49

Also the hug

eleviken

i love drawing soren's hair!

it's my favorite

RebelVampire

im personally more interested in seeing kasen and art stuff. cause just cause she wants to go to art school doesnt necessarily mean shes good enough to get in.

which actually would be an ironic twist

Superjustinbros

That would be interesting

Also great to hear Eleviken!

I love drawing characters with fun/wild hair myself, it can be pretty fun sometimes, is a biiiit hard.(edited)

mathtans

That's true. Kasen's possibly my fave character, just because she's in a tight spot by virtue of her father, which she can't do anything about.

ShaRose49

But the pollution aspect was really intriguing to me. It’s a real problem in China. But I can relate a little because here in Canada there have been so many fires in the summer especially BC that the air is all smoky all the time and some people have respiratory issues. I could be wrong but I think some people died because of it or at least got sick. I wasn’t bothered by the air when I visited bc

mathtans

Oooh, I should be shipping Kasen and Elena.

ShaRose49

@eleviken Hi there, author!! I was hoping you’d be here

Superjustinbros

That sounds scary, ShaRose

ShaRose49

But I was surprised that the air in BC didn’t really bother me at all

It was a little. I hope next summer isn’t bad. I’m sure it was very scary and awful for the people in BC @Superjustinbros

Superjustinbros

yeah...

Hopefully it's not so bad next year

mathtans

Roommate ships are best ships. ^.^

ShaRose49

Yeah. The news said the pollution because of the smoke was as bad as the air quality in China this summer

Superjustinbros

...Jesus christ.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite her generally good nature, Elena has her own sorts of troubles to deal with. Do you think Elena should have been captain of the fencing team as she believes she should have? Why or why not? Do you think Fenya views Elena with the same disdain Elena has for her, or might Fenya feel differently? Regardless, how might their rivalry affect their teamwork? Overall, do you think that Fenya and Elena might be able to patch things up and become friends? As shown recently, Elena also has to deal with her parents having died from contamina. Assuming she finds out, how might Valentin’s situation change her opinion about her parents’ work (if at all)? In general, how might Elena’s experiences at school change her as a person?

ShaRose49

I think Fenya might be just ignorant but I could be reme,Bering her wrong

RebelVampire

i really love kasen and the dad's dynamics as far as the future goes. cause as a child i def was kasen, wanting to pursue that creative dream. but as an older adult i actually get a lot more with the dad is coming from cause creative pursuits are a hard path. which is why im curious how talented kasen is in the first place. cause she might come to realize that even if she wants to art, she may just not have the talent for it

K.E. Karlsen

no i dont think she should have been captain of the fencing team.

ShaRose49

I liked fenya she was big and strong and had green hair

Superjustinbros

Green Hair is always good

K.E. Karlsen

the girl who won (apologies its been awhile since i read, i have been reading since its updates and havent had time for a reread and forgot her name ;;;) i think it was best she won, she clearly knew more what she was doing

mathtans

Oh yeah! I wanted to mention that was real clever, having Fenya and Elena meet early on, then have them become rivals later. Though I don't think Fenya really sees Elena as a rival or with disdain or anything, like just, there's this other girl who fences decently but doesn't watch where she's going, whatever.

ShaRose49

@K.E. Karlsen @Superjustinbros yup yup

K.E. Karlsen

oh is her name fenya?

RebelVampire

yeah i agree. elena did not deserve to be captain. especially cause she was a sore loser.

yes her name is fenya

ShaRose49

Yup

K.E. Karlsen

ok thats who im talking about sorry!! im bad at remembering names

RebelVampire

thats okay

no shame in getting help with names

mathtans

I'm also bad. It's why I have the cast page up in another window. (For a teacher, I'm soooo bad at names.)

Superjustinbros

I'm bad at names in general

ShaRose49

I forgot too the question helped me remember

RebelVampire

fenya is a passable offense anyway cause shes more a side chara than main cast. so her name isnt mentioned a whole ton compared to others

i kind of agree that i actually dont think fenya views elena as a rival at all. i kind of feel fenya is just like "oh yeah its that teammate i wonder why shes glaring at me how weird."

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

and that any rivalry elena has just created in her own mind

cause the world revolves around her

Superjustinbros

Plot twist: it does

ShaRose49

Just what I was thinking

mathtans

She's also an immortal.

ShaRose49

I really want the story to show more of the streets on China, like I’d love for them to have a downtown scene, and I want to see more of the relationship between the brother and sister characters

I want to visit China someday

mathtans

Actually it's funny, when I first went to the comic I saw the latest update, with Elena talking about how they were going to get Soren's grades up, and I thought, huh, is she their mother or TA or something but why are they all laughing. Made more sense in context. All that to say, Elena does have leadership skills in terms of motivating people, but I'm not sure about delegation and such.

eleviken

hey yeah!

mathtans

It would be interesting to see more China.

eleviken

rebel - kasen's artsy side has yet to eb elaborated on

Superjustinbros

Yeah, do some more worldbuilding and more excuses for epic landscape shots (edited)

RebelVampire

id be interested in seeing more of china as well. though more to see how the world in general deals with the pollution. like i feel thered be other world things goes on besides the masks.

math- i do feel like elena has potential as a leader, but i also think she lacks the humility to do so. i think as she is right now shed be a self absorbed leader. so concerned with her own skills and showing off than helping anyone else on the team to get better

ShaRose49

Like Leonardo ughhh

Superjustinbros

And I just realized that's why everyone wears the masks on the main visual(edited)

ShaRose49

But she’s not all bad

Hooboy ya just noticed now?! Lol it’s alright

mathtans

Good point, humility's a problem.

RebelVampire

nah i dont think elena is all bad at all

i just dont think shes ready to be captain

mathtans

SJB: It's because it's Halloween.

RebelVampire

cause arrogance is a big thing to work through and elena isnt confronting her own flaw as of yet

ShaRose49

@RebelVampire wow you seem wise

I’m not being sarcastic sorry if that’s weird

Superjustinbros

lol

Guess I'll wear a "sick" mask on Halloween

ShaRose49

RebelVampire

thank you i think XD idk if id label myself as wise, but i appreciate the sentiment

Superjustinbros

That'll scare the trick-or-treaters real good

RebelVampire

ya know the comic did give me halloween vibes from teh banner. so before i read it i thought it was gonna be some spooky halloween thing

ShaRose49

Yeah me too!

Superjustinbros

I did not think that at all, I jsut thought "why is everyone wearing masks"

ShaRose49

But I was pleasantly surprised. No offence but the other comics I tried were all too dark for me

mathtans

Huh. I didn't think about it at all tbh.

Just figured there'd be an explanation and there was.

RebelVampire

i was also guessing post apocalyptic so i was pleasantly surprised it wasnt that either

did not expect a coming of age story

ShaRose49

We got another wise person here

Haha I was kidding mostly I meant that @mathtans knew and we didn’t

Or well he guessed better

mathtans

Incidentally, any thoughts on the title? "Chasing Little Lights"? Like, I wonder if it's sort of metaphorical, like you need to chase after the people or subjects who bring light into your life... or if it's more about the idea of chasing grades and things, thinking they'll bring enlightenment or something.

ShaRose49

I think it’s a compelling drama I just hope it doesn’t get so sad it’s depressing

Maybe there are actually little lights that help stop pollution or something and that’s why they’re chasing them! CRAZY THEORY TIME

RebelVampire

i assumed it was metaphorical about chasing dreams or something

thats what val was talking about that elena didnt want to listen to

they separated the lights form the pollution

ShaRose49

I can’t remember that very well. What Lights?

Superjustinbros

All these wise people

mathtans

Oooh, didn't think of the pollution analogy.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros We a buncha sages we are

Superjustinbros

\o/

ShaRose49

I’m too into science fiction so my theory is probably too fun for this kind of story

Superjustinbros

Nothing like a tea party for all the Sages to gather

ShaRose49

Not that it sin’t fun

Superjustinbros

also Science Fiction is good

mathtans

Oh yeah, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Kasen is going to practice her art by drawing nude models of Elena, which is how the two of them end up dating.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros amen

mathtans

The modelling also helps with the fencing, in terms of seeing how Elena's weight is balanced.

ShaRose49

@mathtans I was thinking more about crazy theories about the pollution aspect I guess

RebelVampire

tbh i ship elena and fenya more

gotta have that slow burn rivalry turned to romance

Superjustinbros

we setting ships on sail already?

mathtans

Rebel: I am okay with that.

I still find Kasen precious though. Hope there's more of her. That was a cool image of her to start off Chapter 3.

Superjustinbros

Also before the comic tea party ends, I'd like to wish you luck with developing the story further, @eleviken. It's really developing well so far.

RebelVampire

they can bond when elena needs fencing help and asks for some private lessons

mathtans

Agreed.

About the developing that is, not the fencing. Though that'd be fun too.

RebelVampire

kasen is adorable though. i really like her hair in particular for some reason. its so fluffy and bouncy seeming

mathtans

"Don't fence me in."

ShaRose49

I don’t think this story is super romantic I’m not a huge romance person

@mathtans great pun

RebelVampire

oh its not. i will be surprised if theres romance at all. but shipping can be part of fun theory time

mathtans

True, I don't see the comic veering heavy into romance. (I just like adding yuri romance wherever I can.)

I also wonder if we'll see Soren's sister again. Like maybe one of the others will end up talking to her.

ShaRose49

I guess I like adding cartoony scifi wherever I can

Superjustinbros

No probs with that

ShaRose49

I loooove stories about siblings

mathtans

In fact maybe Soren and his sister is a parellel to the relationships between the Lins? Hmm.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros thanks I think you and I would get along fine XD scifi in me bloood

@mathtans oooh, I like this theory

eleviken

i am currently in class but i want to say thanks you all for coming!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome!

Glad to be here. ^^

ShaRose49

@eleviken thank you for coming and giving us something to talk about!

RebelVampire

i would like to see soren's sister again. cause theres gotta be a degree of tension there since soren can come off as the favorite since hes the one who gets to go to the prestigious academy

mathtans

Thanks for putting it out there, eleviken! (Also, maybe you shouldn't be messaging in class while the teacher is talking, the way Valentin got called out. )

I tease.

RebelVampire

thank you as well, eleviken~!

eleviken

i wil catch up later, sorry i couldnt participate!

mathtans

Rebel: Good point about that.

Superjustinbros

Have a good rest of the day/evening, Eleviken!

mathtans

I also wonder a bit why the headmaster's from Sweden, if they're in China. I wonder if that will be addressed.

Anyway, best with the comic!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Evelyn Shi, as well, for making Chasing Little Lights. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Evelyn Shi’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read the Comic: http://www.cllcomic.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #chasing little lights #evelyn shi

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