#i cant bring myself to do things i want to do

[grzybjek]

Stuff that I wont finish and doodles that arent worth posting on instagram. Enjoy these tumblr i love tumblr

#i literally can post whatever I want and i dont feel anxious about it #i love sharing my art even if its unfinished ans i dont like it #i cant bring myself to finish anything recently by thr way. im awfully art blocked #i literally think everything i make recently is so bad and i struggle with the simplest drawings. idk what to do anymore honestly #but i had fun drawing these things today #not to mention like other 30 sketches i made today that are just outright BAD and i hate them

[shoezuki]

This next chapter of my doctor fic is jusm its Not Doing It. Like i wanan write i wanna write so bad but theres a Block yknow. Like thos ch is sposed to be short n i dont technically have much left of it but i cant write it. Idk what the fuck is up like.

Its where sampo finally takes gepard back to belobog because he realizes gepard is going to die id he doesnt. N so he makes a sort of sled out of things he's found in the abdandoned houses nearby n literally drags gepard all back while he's injured himself n like. The cumulation of sampo learning to not be selfish and realizing just how much he cares for gepard to the point of causing himself irreparable damage. And its GOOD i love it and im excited for the second part of the fic after this n cant wait to write that

But i jus. Am so stuck w it. Idk what it is but i feel like im missing something or its jus not good

#negativity #???? #idk its. i dont know what my hangup is #well somewhati do theres a few loose ends im trying to pull together #specifically i wanted sampo to try n bring back gepards broken shield but idk how he could n i am stuck on that?? #i feel like i have loose ends that will be left out there yknow like. things ive forgotten or ive written myself #into a way i cant pull it back togethet #i think i jus need to . write.

[cowboy-robooty]

me when i read the gay porn genre comics and get mad theres gay porn

#I HATE WHEN THERES SO MUCH SEX UGHHHHWGSJJE #BEING A YAOI HUNTER IS SUCH A GRIND #I CANT STAND WHEN I GO IN AND THERES BAM BAM BAM SEX SEX EVERYWHERE #I WANT THEM TO HAVE SEX AFTER 50 CHAPTERS OF GETTING TOGETHER AND DATING N SHIT #NO MORE SEX BEFORE ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP.... ITS A HARD MF THING TO EXECUTE WELL AND IT AINT WORKING 99% OF THE TIME #so many good yaoi have this as a ball and chain dragging dem dwon... i still love em but like... *cries* #bring me to the universe where all the sucking and fucking stops.... #me fighting in the yaoi wars i cant afford to limit myself to only shounen ai because 1) i do like sex when its established relationship and #has build up and 2) i consume yaoi every fucking day i need to keep my options open #some of these... like... the sex just never ends... the sucking and fucking never stops #its like eating a cake with nuts in it except its 99% nuts with cake barely glueing the handful of nuts together #LIKE GODDAMNIT BITCH JUST LET ME EAT MY CAKE!!!! #A FEW TOO MANY NUTS AND A MOUTFUL OF NUTS (lol) FOR THE FIRST BITE I CAN TAKE #BUT NOT EVERY GODDAMN SPOONFUL!!!!

[calamitys-child]

FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.

#the problem is. TECHNICALLY I've been saving to move out #but until my monthly pay is 1. stable and 2. a lil better that is simply not a sustainable achievable goal #and now . i have enough money to actually afford lasik. #which i want very badly bc i hate wearing glasses cause it inhibits me doing activities i love and enjoy #but equally i fucking HATE spending money like i cant comprehend things being more than like. £100 #and this would be a 4 figure sum of money #thats. too many figures. and i feel like i shouldnt ever use it for something that isnt life threatening #but also it Would enable me to like... go to gigs. perform. work out. manage my migraines. #i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world #having the ability to spend money on something just For Me thats more substantial than. say. a £30 gig ticket #is absolutely foreign to me #and it makes me sick with fear that if i ever spend it ill be two months from risking homelessness again even though #logically i know im in a stable home right now #anyway!!! poverty is traumatic as fuck and if jobs paid a real living wage for a weeks work maybe i would be able to be normal about this!!!

[hella1975]

Hi, I followed you for your fic and I saw you had some posts about having ADHD.

I'm also ADHD, could you tell me about your writing process? I get stuck with things staying in the notes app and they don't really get past that stage.

I'm not sure if it's an interest thing, if the notes fulfill the want so there's no need to put it together. If you have anything thoughts about how to keep up the consistency for fic that'd be appreciated.

Hopefully this isn't too serious of a question, I just have some trouble with wanting to write but not having a purpose for it and I was wondering if that was a brain thing/relatable.

Thank you in advance for any response ☺️ also good luck with your uni stuff~

thank you anon! and dw this isn't too serious at all. i think it's interesting that you ask about keeping consistency bc ironically the biggest tell of my adhd in my writing is my INCONSISTENCY, as you can see with the way updates happen. i wrote 200k words of taob in one year and now i update twice a year on average. i wrote 60k words of tams within a few weeks and now it hasn't been updated since july. and these are just my public projects where i at least have the added pressure of knowing people are waiting for an update, you should see the state of some of my original wips! basically my point here is that my adhd is VERY apparent with my writing habits, but these days i work with it instead of trying to fight it. even before i knew i had adhd, i was aware that my writing came in periods. id go a few weeks churning out insane amounts daily and then dry up for months on end, and each time id enter the 'have i lost it??? will i ever write again???' spiral until low and behold, something would inspire me again and id be back to typing like a madman. i used to seriously fight my dry periods bc of that fear of 'losing' my writing, but that never helped and honestly turning writing into a need instead of a want probably made it worse.

it's one reason - aside the fact it is rude and annoying, i dont want to pretend it isn't or put the blame on me bc that's not what im saying here - that constant demands for fic updates bother me so much, bc people dont realise that the writing style i have now where yes we unfortunately go long times without updates is actually how my writing comes out at its best standard. so yeah! it can be incredibly frustrating and even scary to feel physically unable to write, but if it's something you like and want to do i do truly believe it'll always come back sooner or later, or at least that's my experience :)

#but if it is literally you cant get it out of the notes app i do also have writing sessions #where i sit myself down one day and go 'we are going to WRITE' (this is where all my coffee shop posting comes from #bc ive associated coffee shops so viscerally with writing now that if im in a particularly bad/long block i find a free day #and just sit and something about being in a coffee shop just. brings it out of me) #ive known this about myself long enough now to know which periods are just my normal dry ones #and which need that extra push but maybe learning to differentiate like that could help you? #see what happens if you give yourself some kind of target? like take one of your ideas in your notes #and literally treat it like an assignment like 'i want 500 words on this by friday' #EVEN IF IT'S BAD! i feel like that mental block even if it's subconscious is often what stops people #just treat it as something between you and the document. no one else is gonna see it. it could be the worst thing ever written #and nothing is gonna change bc of it. taking those kind of pressures off yourself makes INSANE amounts of difference #good luck! i hope even just one part of this was helpful but remember experiences with these things are individual #ask

[canni-killer]

finish drawing. feel proud! see three pieces of art. i want to kill myself.

#ive been drawing for years why am i so bad #inconsistent also #bad AND inconsistent #anyways did anyone see the pic i drew haha its good right #who am i fucking kidding its awful #everything i make art writing knitting sewing etc its all terrible #no matter how much i practice i never improve #i cant write either my writing is terrible #and ive p much abandoned knitting #i occasionally sew holes in clothes but im bad at it #i have no fuckng skills #i should be good at this stuff its all stuff ive been doing sonce i was a fucking child #why is my baby cousin better at knitting than mr #why is my cousin so much better at art when were the same age and ive been drawing longer #i cant act either. or sing. i used to want to do musical theater but yknow #i cant bring myself to pick up my guitar cuz i know ill never be good at it. it frirates me to practice. #i played trombone for 2 ½ years and never got any better #i couldn't even read a single scale and my playing was quiet and bad #fuck #fuck fuck fuck #ill mever be good at anything #im a hack. talentless. unskilled. in every way possible. #can i find one fucking thing that im good at #“do it for yourself!” I CANT I FUCKING CANT if no one else likes it then its not good #and if its not good theres no point to it #becuz its just another way in which ive failed #i hate myself. im a disgusting failure #and im too cowardly to even kill myself #“im living for so and so :3” LIES LIES ITS ALL LIES IM ALIVE BECUZ IM A COWARD #everyone else will be fine without me. maybe happier even. i just cant do it cuz im fucking scared. another gd thing im a failure at.

[toastsnaffler]

okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It

#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks #its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue #wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it #even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it #ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm #but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought #it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter- #most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting #but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it #and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself #im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud #aaanyway #im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up..... #ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick #yawns so loud bye for now #.diaries

[paleiido]

Trying to learn new programs like they all want me to die personally

#ravings at the square #im trying rlly hard to learn things with the little time I have 👍 #some people are just more gifted than me. have more patience and motivation or idk cos goddamn #the prospect of learning how to make a game and working at the same time is so hellish I cant even bring myself to DRAW or write when #working full time. energy drained fr. but ok. i will be optimistic #if u see me whine and cry in two weeks no u dont #learning unity btw. i want. to create my silly little games. #Thats what I want the most in the world is to create. and if nobody will give me the opportunity to do so ill create it myself #Something so so so scary about being nearly 30 and having no direction in life and realizing you haven't mounted to anything but I'm not #dead yet so I still have a chance 👍 I can still create beautiful things as long Im kicking

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[shaddydraws]

Is it just me, or does art school positively drains you of any kind of creativity-juice? :(

I (finally) graduated a month ago but im still struggling with insane burnout and art block. Which sucks because I really miss drawing, but I just cant bring myself to do so.

#the only stuff i might post in the future are gonnsa be months if not years old #sort of vent but more like an update on the status of things #i know ive been rlly inactive and i feel rlly bad :c #wanted to do some more ineffable wives art since s2 dropped but i just cant bring myself to draw #its frustrating sadly :(

[biohazard-inevitable]

Me: awe heck yeah I get to go home a whole 4 hours early today! I cant wait to go home and do a thing I normally only do on my days off!

Also me: *does nothing up until the time I would usually get home and by then dont have time do do the thing anyways* fuck.

#adhd #actually adhd #IT SUCKS IT SUCKS SO BAD #WHY CANT I DO THE THING IM HOME EARLY #WHY AM I STILL IN WAIT MODE?! #OR TASK MODE OR WHATEVER #mild vent #wanted to play bald gate but i cant bring myself to do it??? #ugh #adhd things

[trahoalai]

cant believe Im the oldest in my friend group but also the most ugly awkward and stupid like its so truly joever for me

#:( #love my friends I try to be as supportive as possible #ig lately it feels like they're trying to hide achievements from me #bc they think I'll feel bad about myself???? #I remember last summer a friend said she was going to boston #I said cool have fun 🤗 and like months later I found out (through her sister) that she had flown there by herself to attend berklee #she was what 14???? at the time maybe 15 cant remember #Ive noticed some of u are 14 #and equally as talented <3 #now shes producing music for her own short films which is something Ive always wanted to get into #and she didnt even ask me for help </3 #Im aware shes allowed to do stuff on her own without me #but its starting to feel like I'll never be able to do that myself #whenever I like something casually and bring it up to someone #they always go “omg thats so crazy I love that thing and Ive actually been doing it my whole life and Im a real professional” #ok so I should go fuck myself???? lemme have just one (1) thing

[bethiewhimsy]

i’ve been stricken with so many problems.

#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting. #2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird. #3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment. #4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore. #anyway i’m fine 👍 #i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags. #haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute #not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi) #ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here #OH ANOTHER THING. #5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT. #it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right #at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend #im going to see a ballet !!! #but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life. #like we can’t all be on the stage but hell #like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell #and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet. #which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot #idk. IDK. #anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends #and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die. #damn i guess this is why people journal #maybe i should pick up journaling #i think it’d help tbh #anyway im rlly truly actually done now #edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM #6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony #7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[trans-estinien]

its so wild seeing how non mmo players exist and well. i dont like it!

#i saw an iceberg bass by and i. dont want to be anywhere near that iceberg #if youve never played over 100 hours of any mmo. i dont trust you or your opinions about video games tbh. #like sorry talking to people on a video game is scary. skill issue. #also. also. also. controversial opinion but subscription based games arent actually bad. shocking i know #its a super big pet peeve when people hate on mmos for being. mmos. like. what did you expect lol??? #or they hate on mmos for. gasp. needing consistent funding to keep running #if i said my opinions about single player games yall would attack me with hammers #single player games are boring as FUCK #ive only ever beaten two singleplayer games and it was hollow knight and nier replicant #i cant bring myself to play any other ones cause theyre just not interesting #like in theory i like bg3 but in practice i cant. be fucking bothered #that game is just. Too Much #which is rich coming from a FFXIV player who LOVES Bozja but like #i love being around people at all times and i hate doing things alone on the account of the autism #and unless i drag people into playing bg3 with me when i want to play it its just not worth it #i have to figure out the systems by myself and i have no motivation to keep playing (yeah i could just google it but. thats not my point) #like honestly. singleplayer games make me feel like im wasting my time. #why would i play bg3 by myself when i could be afk in limsa watching people argue in shout chat. which is much more fun

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag