#i cannot infodump without a prompt

[ahamkara-apologist]

Some quick Aeris facts for y'all before I go to bed:

-Really likes lemon-flavored candies and lemon cake. Also a big fan of those fluffy donut holes with powdered sugar on top of them

-Very soft-spoken and usually mumbles when he talks, if he talks at all (yeah I based a lot of him off the Guardian in-game, but the Guardian's voice in game is super deep and that always takes me out LOL). He's also very blunt and has a hard time not sounding either deadpan or having a slightly off cadance to his voice, and most of his 'snappy comebacks' are from action movies or watching other guardians. Because his humour is extremely dry and he has a soft spot for puns, its sometimes hard to tell if this is deliberately done for comedic effect or copied because he's trying to come off as cool

-Will also infodump about his friend's interests and studies if prompted and in a good mood, and enjoys being infodumped to in turn. It gives him a starting-off point for him to engage in a conversation without Ghost's or Marcie's help

-Hates the popularity and 'placed on a pedestal' nature of being The Guardian(tm) and cares very little about fitting in socially, but also really wants to please those he looks up to/not upset people.

-Cannot sit normally on anything. He's a Hunter for a reason. He has to crouch-perch on everything and be on top of the tallest thing in the room. Half the time its just to see that he can do it

-Ghost is still officially named Ghost because he's got a Thing about names being special and also because neither of them can settle on one they like (I've called him Hoarfrost in the past but they are STILL debating on that). Also, he prefers to go by 'Guardian' because 'Aeris' is close to 'Eris' and in his reasoning, 'she had the name first so she gets seniority rights'

-Actually really likes tactile stimuli. He won't initiate physical affection much, but you bet your ass he's gonna cuddle if given the chance, though the person he usually only actively cuddles with is his sister, Marcie, or Ghost

-Has an apartment in the Tower that he never uses. Pretty much lives in the Eliksni quarter exclusively bc they don't pick up on the fact that he's autistic as fast as human people and he really likes that

-He's got Archer Muscles(tm) and is pretty pleased with it. He doesn't think much of his appearance often, but thats one of the few aspects of it that he's proud of

-Crow is one of his best friends, and while they had a whole tense thing with Crow having a crush on him pre regaining his memories that Aeris couldn't reciprocate and felt guilty for, they're still on pretty good terms (thats a whole other seperate thing I can get into tho)

-Actually hates fusion rifles, but was too polite to correct Saint when he said Aeris's favorite gun was a fusion rifle so

-Sexuality is like. Aro/ace/gay. He's aro for sure, and most of the time he barely thinks about or desires sex with people, but when he does it's only with men, his taste in which is...questionable, most of the time.

-(Misraaks. Taniks, if he had the chance. Drifter. You get the point.)

-Also, he's a bottom and likes to be shoved around bc of afformentioned 'doesnt like being treated like the Chosen One' shtick

-Pre death and rez: He's the result of a cocky, boastful human man getting frisky with an Awoken warrior. Said man married for power later, and was VERY unhappy when Aeris was dumped on his doorstep as a kid, esp. since he got his wife pregnant already (that was Marcie)

-Aeris's mother was named Iliya, he was brought to term, born in the Reef, and dumped on his dad bc his dad said they wouldn't need contraceptives bc Awoken and 'normal humans' couldn't interbreed. She pretty much birthed him out of spite

-He DID go back to the Reef a few times as a diplomat from Earth (his dad was politically savvy, if a douchebag), but I doubt his mom ever bothered with him much. Marcie was the only person he was close to, as he was her older brother and he ADORED her, and that was a bond that persisted even after their death and rez together

-she died in the Skolas Incident btw so no meeting her son again post-rez for her.

-This is something that Mara knew vaguely about, bc while Awoken/Humans are viable, they're really rare in the Reef. That she knew of his birth pre-death and who his mother was is part of the reason Aeris doesn't like her- it weirds him out. The only info that he got about himself pre-rez was from Marcie's diary (which was on her corpse when they were rezzed) was that the swearing woman underneath him in a rusted-out shelter in the cold of Old Russia was his half sister and that his father was a no-good whore, so the fact that someone out there knows of the other half of his family...it bothers him

-Despite that, he still has an instinctual connection to the Reef and a longing to fit in with it and gets really shy when Petra calls him 'cousin', since he's not quite right enough to stick in with Humans and too boring to be Awoken back on Earth, so it makes him feel included

#destiny 2 #oc: aeris sharphawk #the young wolf #my ocs #im also working on some osiris hcs/analysis but those are more in depth and cell bio got me stumped #so gotta wait for those #also also. still figuring out uluran bio specifics

[blackjackkent]

4 and 9 for Lae'zel

8 and 20 for Astarion

Just to switch things up a bit, haha

(Character ask game!)

4. Lae'zel - If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Hm. Interesting question (and highlights how little I get around to seeing movies these days).

I would be intrigued to see Lae'zel interact with Klingons in Star Trek. She is - to the extent that Forgotten Realms has the concept - an alien herself, so she wouldn't be out of place among Trek's cast of characters, and I think the gith and Klingon cultures are just similar enough (warrior race, concepts of honor/duty) without being identical that the interaction would be quite entertaining. :D

9. Lae'zel - Could you be roommates with this character?

Could I be roommates with her? Sure. :D I suspect she would be a good influence on me in the realms of discipline and health, she is very subtly hysterical and probably amusing to get drunk with, she would never be late with her portion of the rent, and she wouldn't take it personally when I occasionally needed to be left the fuck alone. Plus if I was lucky, she'd like the cut of my jib and I, unlike Hector, would not "choose banality". ;)

Could she be roommates with me? Absolutely not. I would be dead within a week when she realized I'm a massive nerd who would unironically infodump at her without prompting and also that I leave stuff laying around everywhere in a mess for no reason.

I think she and my cat would have an entertaining relationship however.

8. Astarion - What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

While I truly, deeply, and fervently believe that everyone can have whatever headcanons they like as long as they're not hurting anyone else, I personally cannot really get behind the idea of Astarion being a soft/romance-y sort, especially not during/immediately after game. The man is a dick! It's a really important foundational aspect of his character.

Disclaimer: I love Astarion, I think he's a fantastic character, and also I haven't finished his romance run yet, so maybe there is nuance here I'm unaware of. However... I think it is a disservice to his character's depth NOT to acknowledge that he is a dick, and that his dickishness is the product of a several-hundred-year-long campaign to eliminate any sense of overt compassion or vulnerability in him. That he is able nevertheless to connect with an LI/friends and start to move past that programming is a powerful thing, but it deserves to be treated as something that does not come easily to him, that it has to be worked at, and that someone who cares about him has to learn how he expresses these emotions in his own way.

I did like that post that has gone around a bit, about how it's much more likely that Astarion would respond to being treated with kindness with all the subtlety and acceptance of a cat being dragged to the vet for shots. XD

20. Astarion - Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Hmmmmm. [ponders, looks at BG3 character list] My initial inclination is to say Karlach, though this feels like kind of a copout answer because Karlach is a good friend to EVERYONE because she is a sweetheart and also the best. I do think she's a good candidate though, because she is very much the sort to be kind to him regardless of whether he's a dick to her in return. And, more specifically, as I pondered quite a bit in this post, the two of them actually have quite a bit in common, in terms of having been trapped in situations where they had to do terrible things to survive and had no reason to think they would ever be able to get out. I think it would take a long time for Astarion to acknowledge this, if he ever did, but I'm pretty sure Karlach understands it right off the bat.

#bjk talks #ask meme #astreamofstars #:D ty for the prompts! <3

[vespertin-y]

liveblog o’clock! this time the second part of ch3′s daily life!

-”well? what is it? if you have something to say, say it!” [suddenly, a thought flashed into my mind! a...man’s...fantasy...wh-where is this thought coming from? not from my mind...from my heart? yes, my heart! for i have love on my side!] “i understand now, monokuma. you’re telling me...that it’s time.” [the girls are going to go play in the pool, which means they’ll be in swimsuits. that *must* mean a zany-yet-romantic scene will play out! and i’ll be there! but...should i? is it really okay to be doing something like that? tenko would kill me...no, i can’t back down now. the power of love in my chest has filled my throbbing heart! full charge! i have no choice. i *must* go!] NO!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-uhhhhh the student council has formed. miu has started working on the computer. kokichi continues to bitch very loudly about maki’s existence and has started writing on the horse a rock. idk man i’m still processing monokuma’s magic pervert brainwashing.....

-”umm...i don’t think the resurrection ritual can really bring the dead back to life. it’s probably more like...returning the dead to us.” whether the necronomicon uploads a dead student’s personality/backstory into a new contestant, or just puts a ‘dead’ student back into the VR simulation, angie’s right! i can see why her insistence that they were ‘never dead in the first place’ would freak everyone else out, though. unless she knows far more about the nature of the game than we were lead to believe, this is some serious escapism.

-”monokuma and the exisals are evidence of ridiculous scientific advances...” AND YOU *AREN’T*, KIIBO???????

-”why do you deny me so fiercely, shuichi? do you not care about those who have died? i didn’t realize you were so heartless.” [that’s...not...true. i still want her...i want everyone to be alive.] shuichi loves all kaedes and non-kaedes equally!!

-WHITE ANGIE *AND* WHITE GONTA CG....THE HORRORS.....

-i wanna know more abt gonta’s grandma!! it sounds like she was rlly the only one who was kind to him,,

-this game cannot decide if tsumugi’s hair is parted in the middle or on the side and it infuriates me. at least shuichi’s eyes changing color is funny.

-[i saw it. i then immediately questioned the morality of my actions.] I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE SO, SHUICHI! WHAT is kodaka’s obsession with having exactly zero of his fanservice be consensual!? it’s not like i would protest seeing a titty the normal way!!

-FTE time! this time with kaito! we learn that a) he tells just as many ridiculous stories as kokichi does, and b) “there’s no way i, kaito momota, luminary of the stars, would ever follow a map to adventure! a life free from maps, finding my own adventures...that’s the life for me!” he’s a nightmare to go on a roadtrip with.

-they chose gonta next! gonta running at top speed with shuichi fluttering like a napkin behind him continues to be hilarious, gonta’s insistence that he’ll do *anything* for shuichi less so.

-”it’s pretty thoughtless of him to bug me to train with you guys, then flake out...” “ah, well, he *did* say he wasn’t feeling well-” “why are you making excuses for him?” do you think she knows not working out if you’re feeling sick is normal...? probably not.

-not maki infodumping a full paragraph about the ways she was tortured, shuichi trying to empathize, and her saying she ‘didn’t ask to hear his life story’ 😭. girl you told him your entire backstory with no prompting whatsover!! what did you expect to happen!!! shuichi is so *unfazed* about it too, i’d be throwing hands...perhaps i’m just not built to be friends with a tsundere....

-the student council all confront maki at once to tell her not to go out at nighttime - smart. considering how impulsively violent she’s been shown to be. *i* certainly wouldn’t want to try and take away her freedom without some very buff witnesses on my side.

-and that’s the end of day eleven! see you next time!

#dr #mem liveblogs

[qsmp-slime]

may i ask you to infodump about this au? If you want to ofc! -🍎🧃🍎

EHEH we are hAPPYYY to we just get Social Anxiety over just talking without prompting

OKOKOK so. its kind of just a general thing we have but we do have like. we wanna write an actual story set in the world that is essentially "michael growing up and learning magic stuff from all the witches around him". its gonna focus on michael / be his pov sort of. and just him growing up. learning things.

we don't have an actual big overarching story, its just kind of "happy / slice of life au and also everyone is a witch because i SAY SO!!!!"

we have VERY specific ideas for all the characters but uhh general overview for a vibe

ranboo works mostly with void / star magic

tubbo works with herbal / chaos magics, and has DEFINITELY managed to make things explode on accident

techno is a very.. "traditional" witch ig uess you could say? not adhering to any specific practice/belief, just kind of the general like.. oo spooky cottagecore, weird person living in the woods, oddly superstitious/picky about some things, etc. the kind of "spooky witch character" some fantasy medias use a lot if that makes sense. i cannot think of a comparison /hj.

wilbur just does whatever the fuck he wants. unfortunately, magic takes an extreme amount of focus, dedication, and general stable mental state that wilbur does not have, and most of his spells manage to horribly backfire on himself. it is a running joke. people have tried to curse him. it doesnt work, because he has almost always managed to curse himself. sometimes ifhe is visibly having a horrible day, someone will jokingly ask if he did it again. they are usually met with a glare and a threat.

niki is a kitchen witch but please do not let that fool you she is not uwu soft cottagecore grandma type shit. she can and will stab you. or she'll just poison you.

to follow with wilburs horrid track record and techno's Very Specific Things, wilbur is not allowed anywhere NEAR technos house. if he is there anyways, techno can an dwill spend the next while after he leaves cleansing the house.

puffy's a sea witch and so is sally.

i have. uh. an absolute fuck ton more but this is a very general vibe. its all just silly goofy. the angstiest thing is erets relaitonship/issues with HER magic and its kind of just a prolonged identity/heritage crisis. if a specific topic piques curiosity we will accept further questions /lh /nf

#wither.txt #wither.ask #dsmp witch au #applejuice anon

[meimeikyu]

i want to draw but!!! hand say no :(

#please i need to draw the characters or ill explode #might just end up rambling about festivalverse again if i cant draw them #uhmm yea send me more festivalverse asks (ik i have a few i havent answered yet shh-) #im best with like. asks about specifics then just like 'ramble about them' asks bcs. i cannot infodump without prompting i find TuT

[mammoneymelon]

How the brothers would react to finding out that MC is autistic

before anyone says anything, i’m autistic and just really want some representation

TW for ableism! the boys are doing their best but no NT immediately knows everything about autism

it’s a bit random, but i headcanon that lucifer has misophonia, so it’s only a matter of time before a noisy/verbal stim starts to drive him up a wall

“what in the devildom are you doing?” he’d ask, eyebrows scrunched in frustration

you have no idea what he’s talking about; after all, you’ve just been sitting on your DDD playing some rhythm game

“what do you mean?”

“you’ve been making that noise for hours; cut it out before i have to go find the packing tape.”

you know him well enough to know he isn’t joking, so you nod and do your best to stop, ignoring the feeling of dread beginning to well up in your chest

you go back to your game, and soon enough, you’re back to ‘making that noise’

you see lucifer stand up, bringing your action to your attention.

“oh, sorry! i didn’t realize i was doing it again, sorry!”

“oh?” he asked, looking down at you. 

“it’s stimming. autistic people do it a lot more than others, and sometimes we don’t even notice it.” there’s a moment of silence but you realize you just told him something you hadn’t even told your human friends

“ah, yes, i do remember reading about that in your file. i didn’t want to say anything so as not to offend you.”

you shake your head. “dude! that’s personal business! i don’t like telling people.”

lucifer’s gaze seems to soften. “don’t fret, MC. i won’t tell a soul.”

and he doesn’t.

he also totally buys you quiet stim toys

it’s not long before mammon realizes you are terrible at reading the room

you have a terrible habit of cracking a joke at the worst time or saying the first thing that comes to your mind, even if it was at the expense of others

at first, mammon, mammon thought you were really brave. now, however, he sees that you just have no idea what you’re doing

currently, your knack for trouble had landed you in detention, something you’d gotten fairly used to in the human world. mammon was sitting next to you - he was paying for trying to defend you

“lucifer’s going to kill us. again.”

“and whose fault is that?”

“sorry,” you mumble. “it’s not like i was trying to get us here.”

“really? because it’s startin’ to seem like you are. not that i blame ya, if i were you i’d do anything to spend more time with the great mammon.” he gives you a smile, and you really hope that means he isn’t mad

“i really don’t like upsetting people, i just don’t really get tone? i didn’t even realize the teacher was mad until you stepped in. “

“dude, she was on the verge of killing ya! what do ya mean you “didn’t even realize”?

you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration. “it’s part of a disorder i have. autism. i just don’t get some stuff that comes naturally to other people.”

“ohhh.” mammon slaps his head, feeling like an idiot. “sorry,” he murmurs, and you barely hear it

mammon, being, well, mammon, will probably forget.

it’s not that he doesn’t care! it’s just not something that comes up in conversation.

of course, when the two of you do talk about it, he picks up on the symptoms pretty quickly. he’s a pretty smart guy, and he’ll do anything and everything for his human

the two of you are working on a co-op dungeon while you talk about your current special interest

“wow, MC, you know a lot about this!”

“thanks,” you respond, and it hits you - you’ve been infodumping almost this whole time

“haha, yeah, blame it on the autism brain,” you joke absentmindedly, not really caring if he knew. you two were good friends, why would being neurodivergent make a difference?

levi, on the other hand, does a double take. being the gamer he is, he’d definitely heard the word used as an insult, but he’d never thought about anyone actually having autism - much less his best friend

“MC, you have autism?” he turns to you looking genuinely confused, his controller sitting, forgotten, in his lap

“um, yeah? it’s not really a big deal,” you say, shrugging

“yeah it is! i mean i knew you were pretty weird, since you hang out with me-” he stops mid-sentence, realizing his mistake. “NOT IN A BAD WAY, OF COURSE! ah sorry, i said something stupid, like always.”

you shake your head with a small smile. you can tell he’s trying. “trust me, i’ve heard much worse. you’re fine, levi.”

he glances up at you, face red from embarrassment, and your smile widens. “i mean, i don’t think like ‘normal’ people anyway, so yeah, i kinda am weird.”

once you leave his room, he’s at his pc, researching more vigorously that he’s ever done for a class

the more he learns, the more annoyed he gets at the complete misunderstanding of the disorder

ultimately, he just wants to make sure you feel supported and understood

you’re sitting in the library, doing your homework while satan looks over your essay, checking for errors

“oi, MC”

“what’s up?” you respond, still focused on your work

“are you scared of me?”

this prompts you to look up, focusing your eyes on his hands

“i was when i first came here, and i definitely would be scared if i really pissed you off, but no, i’m not scared of you. why do you ask?”

“you never look me in the eyes. or my brothers, actually.”

oh. you’d been hoping no one had noticed. “oh, i just don’t like eye contact. it makes me uncomfortable.” you return your eyes to your paper, hoping that was enough.

“how so?” 

so it wasn’t enough.

“i’m autistic, genius. i figured it was obvious by now.”

“oh. that makes sense.” that’s all he says, so you try to return your focus to your homework.

satan is probably the most comfortable talking to you about it. he’ll ask you questions about your personal experiences and make an effort to understand you better

one day you look over his shoulder to find him reading an article on masking on his DDD

he cares deeply for you, even if it’s hard for him to say so

asmo has wrangled you into yet another shopping trip

“MC, look at this!! you have to try it on!”

one look at the article of clothing and your face is already scrunching up

“absolutely not.”

“awe, why not?” he gives you the biggest puppy eyes and you sigh. he knows your weaknesses.

“the material. i hate it.”

“but it would look so good on you~”

clearly, he’s not going to give up unless you explain yourself to him

“sure, for a couple seconds, until i have a complete meltdown,” you remark. “i’m autistic, so some textures just make me feel really bad.”

his mouth makes an ‘o’ shape, and then he goes back to looking confused. “i hadn’t even thought about that as a possibility! you should’ve said something earlier!”

he feels really bad about all the times he’s touched you without warning. he thought your shock was cute (and he still does), but he knows that autistic people sometimes dislike touch - he’s definitely had at least a couple autistic ‘partners’ in the past

he’s quite the observant demon, quickly picking up on sensations you d and don’t like. if you’re bothered by smells, he does his best to lay off on the perfume - granted, it’s a necessary part of his routine that he absolutely cannot give up completely. he lets you play with the dimmer in his room so you can find the amount of light that works best.

occasionally, he’ll have to tell you that he’s trying his absolute best to flirt and you are giving him nothing. you’re just like “oh shit i didn’t realize”

asmo’s just a sweetheart who wants you to be comfortable

beel unfortunately has to learn about your autism because of a situation out of your control

you’re in the gym, keeping him company while he works out

you’re searching his bag and you realize you don’t have your headphones

oh fuck.

you always bring your headphones to the gym; the sounds of televisions, music, people talking, weights clinking, treadmills rumbling... it’s too much

not to mention the stench of sweat and the florescent lights - truly an autistic person’s nightmare

you squeeze you eyes shut, but that only makes the noise worse. you’re surrounded by noise and you can’t stop it. it occurs to you that you’re no longer breathing properly but it’s just too loud and you’re so small

“MC?” beel’s voice is soft and filled with obvious concern. you open your eyes, seeing him kneeling in front of you. your eyes sting, and you realize you’re tearing up. “MC, are you alright?” 

all you can do is shake your head

“do you want to go home?” you nod, biting your lip as he stands up, making you feel even smaller.

he quickly packs his things into his bag and offers you a hand, helping you get up

he quickly escorts you outside, where you practically gulp for air. 

he waits patiently with you while you slowly ground yourself. 

“okay, let’s go home.” you explain sensory overload as you walk, then tell him about your autism

beel, like asmo, is very observant and he learns surprisingly fast. 

he’s also very protective of you. if someone triggers you, he won’t hesitate to tell them off before doing a grounding exercise with you

he’s basically you’re giant therapy demon and you love him for it

it’s becoming way too much. you’ve been masking heavily for months, monitoring your every move while doing your absolute best to thrive in a (literally) completely different universe than what you’re used to

you’re laying facedown on the couch, practically unable to move. you want to go to your room, but your body won’t let you

“mc?” you hear belphegor’s voice. “are you trying to imitate me?” he teases

you simply groan in response, not wanting to bother

for a moment he goes silent. then, you feel a hand on your shoulder

you jolt up, swiping his hand away as you let out a small shout. belphie’s eyes are widened in surprise

“don’t touch me! ...please,” you add as an afterthought, feeling bad for scaring him

he sits with you on the couch, taking care to leave space between the two of you. “what’s wrong?” you don’t respond. “mc?”

“burnout. too much. feel bad.”

belphie has absolutely no clue what that means, but he figures he knows something that might help.

“want to take a nap with me?”

you have to think about it before responding with a “sure” and slowly crawling into his arms (if that’s something you’re okay with)

it’s night when the two of you wake up. you still feel awful, but you can at least cope better.

once belphie’s more awake, he asks you what the hell happened

“two words: autistic shutdown”

“that doesn’t explain anything” - belphie really doesn’t know anything about humans

you do your best to explain - you were born with a brain that works a bit differently than most humans. some of the symptoms are an aversion to change and ‘odd’ behavior that’s difficult to hide. when you get too stressed, you just kinda ‘shut down’

he takes a bit to really understand, but once he does, he does his best to support you.

he falls asleep to your infodumping and you find it endearing

he gets good at recognizing when you’re starting to shut down and he always convinces you to take a break via a cuddly nap

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #autistic reader #tw ableism #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me levi x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmo x reader #obey me beel x reader #obey me belphie x reader

[hyperfixationtimego]

the three wingmen of thh; Leon (chaotic), Kyoto (lawful), and Hina (neutral)

Kyoto was 100% the reason Celeste is dating Junko, it’s canon now. She is extremely involved in seating for extracurricular activities (i.e. the tea parties), and commonly puts them together. She finds putting Taka and Mondo apart...helps them?? She has no idea why but if they’re seated far from each other, they are immediately cuddling once they leave the room.

Grey-hair and Blue-hair girls are dating, no I do not take criticism (grey hair has braids I think and protects a mob guy?? and blue hair is the mastermind ig, she has black glasses apparently) - queer eye anon

oh my god yes???

Leon and Chihiro were some very powerful masterminds behind ishimondo ngl 👀 like chihiro’s brainpower combined with kuwata’s sheer strength of will?? UNSTOPPABLE those gay bitches never stood a CHANCE

although to be fair, most of their plans DID involve using a digital lock and/or utilizing alter ego to somehow force them into an empty room and keep them locked in there until they finally confessed 💛

Leon ALSO wingmans for sayaka because they’re besties who hate each other ❤️ he’s constantly cracking jokes with her about how she should just text Mukuro that she wants to fuck, or jokingly advises her to use raunchy pick-up lines on Sakura. He’s come very close once or twice to just. Blurting out “HEY MUKURO! SAKURA! SAYAKA’S GOT A HUGE FUCKING CRUSH ON Y-” only to have the idol clamp a hand over his stupid dumbass mouth <3

it’s okay because sayaka absolutely gets her revenge when she has to wingman for him and makoto (the only reason she doesn’t completely fuck up kuwata’s chances and embarrass him is because she’s besties with Makoto, too, and knows the poor guy’s ALSO got it bad. There’s a lot of Sayaka (and literally everyone else too) having to deal with some gross oblivious loveydovey pining from these fucking dorks, so she gets her fill of teasing)

And Hina wingmanning for Sakura???? Bruh okay u have no IDEA how much serotonin platonic sakuraoi gives me simply because????? Them?????? They????? Love???????? I love them???

And basically Hina’s just the right amount of empathy/sympathy and logic!! Her main, go-to piece of advice is “just talk to them!” And - surprise - trusting her on this usually leads to having fun and making good memories with the object(s) of affection !!

She’s such a sweetheart??? And like yes ofc she doesn’t have an answer for everything, because her heart is just a lil bit bigger than her brain sometimes (ok but mood tho like no shame this is both kin and projecting) but she’s trying her best!!! As she always listens to whoever needs her at that moment and gives the best advice she can - which isn’t even limited to romantic situations!!! She’s one of the go-to students for when someone’s having, like, an everyday problem or feeling stressed because she’s so non-judgemental and soothing to be around!!!

It’s Hina appreciation hours 💛

Anyway, Kyoko-

she also (unfortunately) is forced to wingman for Makoto and Leon, which means a lot of listening to naegi ramble on about how cool and nice and interesting and pretty and blah blah blah kuwata is (don’t get Kirigiri wrong, she adores Leon, but a girl can only take so much, y’know?)

and requests for Makoto to simply......TELL LEON are almost ALWAYS refused because nope no way in hell absolutely not and so she’s like great I’m gonna go bang my head against a desk because I seriously cannot take the two of you anymore

eventually she (secretly) goes and talks to Leon, without betraying Makoto’s trust or disclosing any information she feels he would not be comfortable with, does her best to subtly hint at the fact that hey. koto’s got a crush. you should fucking ask him about it before I go completely insane. Leon doesn’t fully get the hint but does go talk to Makoto, which FINALLY prompts some goddamn CONVERSATION about it thank GOD

also sorry sorry not to ramble but I just????? an idea hit me like a gd truck and I need to talk about it because I love???? I love????? I love

sometime after all this, Kyoko gets inadvertently wrapped up in co-wingmanning with Makoto for Komaru and Toko/Jill. Except. Those three have no clue about the fact that there is any wingmanning going on.

so kyoko’s like “why are we doing this”

and makoto’s like “because she’s my sister and she’s in love and I want her to be happy!!!”

“Okay but shouldn’t they work this out on their own”

“Not if I have anything to say about it!!!”

“*Sigh.* Goddamnit.”

And then Leon eventually hears about it, as well, because of course makoto’s gonna talk abt it with his boyfriend, why wouldn’t he, and anyway kuwata’s like OH?? POG??? because he and Toko and he and Jill are friends!!!! So he’s like I’ll totally help omg Fukawa and Syo are gonna STOKED

(Makoto does not comment on the fact that Toko most likely will not, in fact, be stoked by the idea of kuwata meddling in her love life, but does at least advise his dear 0-braincell partner to be careful ❤️)

okay okay sorry I’m a simp for tokomaru and syomaru on main but anyway back to kyoko and seating charts-

YEAH ON GOD???

And poor Kirigiri already has trouble comprehending how social interaction works that this kinda shit just???? Completely breaks her?????

“Why.....do people.....react different.......like I will accommodate for it but.....I do not.....understand......”

does not fucking compute

(Also shhhhh don’t let Korekiyo know that there was something about human behavior Kirigiri didn’t understand because somehow they will materialize from the shadows to go on a softly excited special interest infodump ramble/lecture that lasts hours and hours)

But yeah???? Ironically enough, she’s honestly the only person from her class who’s able to, for the most part, figure out how Celestia’s mind works, and so she’s able to use that to her advantage when setting her up with Junko!!! (The thing with Celeste was that it sort of became a case to Kyoko!! Celeste was so Obviously different in her behavior and mannerisms than everyone else that Kirigiri basically ended up treating learning about her the same way she would treat trying to solve a crime or something similar!!)

For ishimondo she chalks it up to “absence makes the heart grow fonder???” she guesses????? seriously she has No Clue

also she doesn’t pick up on it but they DO give each other pining puppy dog eyes from across the room the whole goddamn time like they’re just [y e a r n]

And OKAY ANON???? HEY ANON????? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE FUCKING GALAXY BRAIN JUICE???? HELLO???????

I. how is it possible to not know the games and yet,,,,,,,conjure up a concept so incredible????? Pekomugi,,,,,,,,,my g o d

Ok ok ok ok ok hold on hold on lemme gather my thoughts because holy fuck

FIRST OF ALL, Tsumugi is a GIANT nerd, so the thought of having a SWORD GF???? A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS A SWORDSMAN???? HOLY FUCK?????? she can live out her wildest samurai anime fantasies,,,,,,,because she quite literally has a swordswoman girlfriend who would protect her with her sword oh my g o d

SECOND OF ALL, Tsumugi also????? fucking loves sitting in on Peko’s training sessions to watch her beautiful incredible wonderful darling partner spar??? and use badass techniques and strategies???? Literally Tsumugi is always blown away??

and she ALWAYS comes and barrels into Peko to give her a gigantic hug and shower her with kisses once training’s over!!!! And Peko doesn’t understand because

“I am hot and sweaty. I am currently very gross, why are you kissing me,”

“No!!! You’re stunning and perfect and charming!!!! You make me swoon!!! Oh, dear knight, hold me in your sweet embrace....”

meanwhile peko’s just like babe pls let me go take a shower

and okay final thing I promise, but....Peko is absolutely astonished by Tsumugi’s cosplay abilities???? Like with a lot of her works, Peko can hardly even believe that that’s her gd girlfriend????? Like sweet JESUS her datemate is damn good at makeup and disguising herself and whatnot

“cosplay is an art and you have perfected it,” like catch tsumugi fuckinf crying

#pekomugi.....anon ur MIND #dragged me down to rarepair hell but Y’know what it’s fine I’ve been here before #hell I’ve made my goddamn home here at this fucking point sndbsndbdbd #queer eye anon #queer eye au (danganronpa) #danganronpa #leon kuwata #Sayaka maizono #chihiro fujisaki #kiyotaka ishimaru #mondo owada #ogamikuzono #makoto naegi #aoi asahina #Sakura ogami #sakura oogami #Kyoko kirigiri #Komaru Naegi #toko fukawa #genocide Jill #celestia ludenberg #junko enoshima #peko pekoyama #tsumugi shirogane #makuwata #tokomaru #syomaru #ishimondo #celeshima

[pathos-logical]

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56​ with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium. 

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

 Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

… 

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. 

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know 

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

 Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-” 

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.

#logince #roman sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #my writing #a whole dictionary of love letters

[rickktish]

Sometimes it occurs to me

just how much my family just... does because of my dad’s autism, and how it translates into things we just do with my own. 

My dad wanders off in stores. My mom rolls her eyes sometimes when she’s trying to get his opinion on something and can’t find him, but other than that we just expect it, and account for it. My brother and I joke that he’s gone off into another dimension to fight vampire zombie pirate ninjas.

My dad will, on the rare occasion he feels he’s done enough work and enough housework to stay on top of it and enough research to understand the current advancements in his field, simply wander into the TV room and turn on a game, and whoever is interested will casually drift in there and sit down and quietly watch. Or he’ll start a movie and we’ll just... join him. Because he uses whatever media he’s putting on as an invitation to spend time in each others’ presence without having to talk or discuss anything, just enjoy being together. It has been that way my entire life.

My dad loves biology and computer science. We have a box garden in our back yard, because growing things in clay is hard and we had to get better dirt, which we don’t care for as often as we should but when we do, my dad will infodump on us the entire time we’re out there about the structure of plant cells or how Darwin’s theory actually works or why genetics work the way they do. My high school biology teacher refused to help me understand anything she was teaching and once exclaimed “am I speaking Chinese?!” when I visited her after school to request clarification on something I didn’t understand, throwing her hands in the air and refusing to explain it to me. I passed that class because my dad was always willing to tweak the language he used in his info dumping to help me get it. 

I just... never thought of these behaviors as autistic. Because in my family they were normal. They’re just things my dad does, things I’ve never known him not to do, so why should I be surprised when he wanders out of the room in the middle of a conversation? Why should I be surprised when he goes out and tinkers in the garage with no explanation? I don’t think my mom even notices when she’s reading my dad’s mind anymore because she knows that when he goes out to the garden, he has a plan. When he pulls out this device or that tool, he has something in mind which he probably brought up months ago and is now finding time to do.

And it’s not all the same, but it’s always been really similar for me?

Like, the first thing my mom asked me to do every day she picked me up from school was info dump on her. And I would talk the entire way home about whatever interested me that day, usually something linguistic or historical, and she’d listen and ask interested questions and follow my random jumps to other topics just fine. And I never thought it was anything weird to talk the entire way home about one verb form in French or a single person in history because she never made me feel like it was anything but normal. She actively tries to have just enough base knowledge to follow along in whatever thing my dad and I have taken interest in; she was a computer science major with him for a little while before she went into math instead and can follow the ideas behind my dad’s tech-related rambles. She’s terrible at spelling because of an auditory processing disorder and being nearly deaf in one ear, but she can follow along on my rants about the vital differences between two similar suffixes that convey deep, religious meaning to me about the nature of the words they make. When the rest of us are too distracted by what we’re doing in the garden to continue to prompt my dad, she’ll lean back and ask for clarification on a point, or ask if something is similar to what he’s been talking about, and then he’s off again.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my mom does really well with autistic people and never made me feel anything but normal, partly because to me, my dad was normal. And I could never understand in school why other people didn’t think the way I did, and my teachers never quite understood why I would randomly start info dumping in class (partly because almost none of them ever thought I might be autistic), but my mom got it. And as rough as we had it for several years, especially when I was younger, I’m really grateful to her for normalizing my dad’s autistic behaviors in our home. Because I would be a very different person if my mom had said “shut up” instead of “this needs my attention right now, can I listen to you in just a minute?’ or “stop wandering off” instead of “hey, can you get x from the other side of the store if you happen that way?” or “Stop. Be still.” instead of “Can you try to stay a little bit closer? It’s hard for me to understand when your back is turned toward me, especially if you’re farther away.”

I just think about the fact that I never even heard that it was normal to look people in the eye when you talk to them until I was in middle school and read a book about a girl with Asperger's. I think about the fact that instead of saying “look at me” my mom said “If you look at people’s mouths when they talk you can understand them better” and instead of telling me not to stim by chewing on my arms because it was gross or weird she explained that she was worried about the bruises I was leaving because she didn’t like seeing me hurt. She gently scolded me when I took up nail-biting instead and continued to express mild concern but no outright control of “you cannot do this” for years until I finally decided to break the habit in middle school because I found other ways to stim. She understood when I said I hated the feeling of cutting my nails and rather than only forcing me to do it anyway she helped me soak them beforehand so the skin could adjust more easily to being newly exposed to air-- which was really important, because the awful sensation of adjusting meant playing my violin got hard at times and she helped with that. 

I think about how normal Autism is at my house and I can hardly believe it now. Because my mom chose to marry an autistic man and chose to learn to understand his behaviors instead of rejecting them. And they both chose to work to understand and put up with each other, my mom with my dad’s emotional distance and small expressive range due to years of trying to numb his extreme emotions, and my dad with my mom’s temper tantrums when she would forget that she wasn’t always the victim of every circumstance. 

They each actively and independently chose to do whatever it took to be able to live with each other forever. And that meant accepting autism as a way of thinking, as a way of being, and that meant accepting that mood disorders and childhood trauma continue to affect life long after you’ve left your parents house, and that meant accepting that everyone needs a therapist sometimes and it doesn’t mean you’re broken it just means you’re lacking certain skills. 

And now that I’m at college? Living with roommates who are very neurotypical and have never had to deal with someone with autism and selective mutism before? My mom continues to remind me that I can learn things, I can do things to make my life better. I told her I had nowhere to be alone; she told me it was okay to move my mattress under my bed and drape my spare sheets over the top. I have a cave now. My roommates have no idea why and give me weird looks every now and then, but don’t say anything. She reminded me it’s okay to have needs, even odd ones related to my autism. I complained to her at my grandfather’s funeral that I had no idea how to talk to people, I don’t understand the purpose of small talk, and people greeting each other on campus as they pass is the bane of my existence because I can’t speak fast enough to still be facing them when I reply and I thought people were supposed to face each other when they talk. She said I should ask one of the counselors at the school to be my social coach so I can ask what normal interaction looks like and how to behave and respond in a socially acceptable manner. So I did. And I have a better grasp now, because while he thought it was a little odd, he answered my questions and helped me understand.

I guess all I’m really trying to say is that in my life, autism has always been the norm. And even now that I’m away from home-- so very, very far away from home-- my mom is working to make sure that I know it’s okay for it to continue to be the norm. And that’s really made all the difference.

#rick's rambles #rick's mom #rick's dad #autism #normalization

[salemruinseverything]

free infodump coupon!! infodump about whatever you want :]

anon i love you for this but i need something more specific than this

#i cannot infodump without a prompt #at least give me a topic i'll write you an essay #salem answers a question

[unfortunately-orange-curtains]

I kind of want to take a second to say a little bit about the Austere Academy and how I processed it as a youngin because I have ramblings to sort through and I don't want to commit to assigning a notebook to be for personal thoughts about things.

For context, Past M took way longer than was needed to read that book.

I don't quite remember how long it actually took because my brain dumps all information it doesn't immediately decide is needed into the flaming pits of Hell, but I do know that I got about halfway through it at normal pace, put a bookmark into it, and didn't pick it up again for over a month. That was in no way normal behavior for me at the time (I wasn't cycling through being either too distracted, too busy, or too drained to read for the sake of reading back then), and this was the only book in ASOUE that I did this with intentionally. I passionately disliked the Austere Academy at the time, and it is still definitely not a book I go to when I want to reread something.

In reviews of the book and its episodes in the Netflix adaptation, people seem to mention how they find much of what goes on in the boarding school absolutely, completely out there beyond the realm of plausibility. Nero making the students eat like dogs for being late to class? The whole school having an anti-orphan policy? Carmelita being allowed to harass anyone she wants to? Preposterous.

I didn't really think so as a younger person.

In the present day, I know that a lot of Nero's policies would not be considered legal, and that I personally cannot speak for the administration in private schools as a whole, but, as a small human, I recognized a lot of how the school around me worked in the pages of tAA. Largely in regards to Carmelita at the time, but now I see some of the teachers' behavior in teachers I have (or have previously had).

It isn't a big plot twist that Carmelita is essentially allowed to mistreat her peers however much she likes. While there are theories about why she acts like this regarding how her parents raised her, the school does not make any real effort to curb unacceptable and actively harmful behaviors that she exhibits (implied to be because Nero is an incompetent, malicious, self-centered fool who can't make any efforts to manage the children under his "care" properly). This is not something that strikes me as outlandish at all, as I've seen students get off with barely a slap on the wrist for actively bullying others, while other students are reprimanded considerably more aggressively for standing up for themselves. I've been the student getting reprimanded for standing up for myself. Hell, I've been the student getting reprimanded far worse for not being able to focus well and for reading when I wasn't supposed to than a lot of the kids who would target myself and others for being different could expect for long-term bullying a student (not me, a classmate who they also didn't like) into transferring entirely into home schooling.

A lot of what I'm about to discuss is my personal experience when I was 10 years old. I would have been beginning to read ASOUE around the time, as my parents decided that I needed to read things that were not the 32+ book long series I'd developed a strong hyperfixation on at that point. Information needed to provide context for some of what I'm going to talk about includes:

I have ADHD. I was actively being medicated + seeing a counselor at the time.

I experienced intense hyperfixations on content that was not considered socially acceptable by my peers and lacked the social filters to avoid constantly infodumping about said hyperfixations in conversation.

I had the motor skills of a recently deceased animal at the time; this was most noticable when I ran, as I galloped awkwardly instead of running like a human. I legitimately didn't know how to run properly.

During my fifth grade year, I was placed in a class with no friends, under a teacher who didn't actually require that students respected anyone in the room other than herself. I was repeatedly placed into groups of students who actively bullied me, even in front of the teacher, without punishment. In spite of me having far fewer issues with any other people in the class that this teacher would occasionally, by some miracle, group me with, she never seemed to grasp that forcing me to interact with people who would mock me, kick me under the table, and point-blank tell me that I was worthless was a bad idea. These kids didn't get let off the hook for a lack of me reporting incidents or them concealing their nonsense particularly well; I'd talk to the teacher in private about them, but she never made any attempt to pull them aside and say anything to them about issues. The teacher didn't take my claims seriously, despite them often doing these things in front of her. The only time that things went to a really serious phase was when I wound up being accused by one of these kids of telling him to fuck off. The teacher pulled me aside, made a big deal about the accusation, and wound up sending me to the office when I disagreed with her.

I'd told this kid to back off because he was continuing a running joke at my expense about how I was the horse girl since I didn't run correctly.

The principal, the former Vice Principal who got a promotion and was not given a new VP due to budget cuts, heard me out and called the guy accusing me and one of the other guys who was in on the joke up to her office, where she lectured them and forced them to apologise. And did nothing else, despite hearing nine months of shit they and a girl in this class had been pulling. The guy who accused me was removed from the school for the remainder of the year shortly after for bringing a taser onto campus and attempting to tase other kids with it. The second guy and the girl remained assholes for the duration of the year, still not getting punishments beyond a stern talking-to. I got the school's equivalent of detention for reading during the wrong parts of the day.

The administration of Prufrock Prep's lack of response to Carmelita (and her behavior overall, if I'm to be completely honest) were too real for Past M. I couldn't deal with that at the time, so I didn't.

On a more recent note, I had a teacher a few years ago who talked about a lot of inappropriate stuff with his class of 14 year olds, a teacher who would give us nonsense essay prompts and take planned absences while leaving her subs to explain that we had multiple group projects to do in class at once in separate groups, and a Spanish teacher who made students who didn't pay attention during her classes too many times buy her candy to make up points that she'd dock them.

TL;DR:

I didn't like tAA because Carmelita was too real for younger me, and I've had teachers who lined up too well with teachers in tAA after reading it.

#asoue #i ramble about things #i talk about my life in an unholy infodump #the austere academy #school mention #block this hecking tag if you don't want to hear me talk about stuff that makes no sense and is moderately too personal #long post #not what you followed for