#i cannot believe im acting like this for this

[cringefail-clown]

hear me out, but i dont think alt!calliope is that much concerned about canonicity of the story all that much. theres some deeper motive going on here

when john defeats lord english (and gets promptly unsubscribed from life, since his narrative purpose is completed) and davepeta hurls him into the black hole, on the other side in candyverse alt!calliope waits for him to appear and, when he does, devours him to gain the power-up needed to escape the timeline and goes on a hunt for ult dirk to stop him from starting another sburb session

and this is where lord english storyline should be put to rest, but its not as simple as that. this dudes like a cockroach, you just cant get rid of him, he just doesnt disappear, hes always there no matter what, looming over the narrative. and, now thats he was absorbed into alt!calliope, whats left of him? his masterpiece self now residing inside ult dirk

and dirk always had a close connection to caliborn - cal liked dirk the most from all the alpha kids, chatting with him regularly, hal - dirks splinter - became a part of cal and also doc scratch, who was also the host that brough lord english into the universe after beta kids created the green sun (which he also manipulated them into)

basically what im trying to say, dirk wanting to start another sburb session isnt really about maintaining their connection to canon, but it also is about it. caliborn lords over the alpha timeline, and is intrinsically tied to the canon. hes always there, hes already there, and he will always come back. and dirk is narratively tied to the one guy that was responsible with brining him into the story. excellent host, you might say

the point of starting another session is ultimately to bring caliborn back to life, and this is the goal of ult dirk, as the one whos carrying the last splinter of his soul. and thats why alt!calliope is so focused on stopping him. its all about the powerstruggle between the two cherubs, once again

(would also like to point out that rose got fooled twice into bringing lord english into the narrative - once through doc scratch manipulating her into believing deploying the tumor would destroy the green sun, and now through dirk manipulating her into believing starting another session will stop the timeline from deteriorating. girl cannot catch a break jesus)

tldr ult dirk is acting as another doc scratch, and the goal is to revive lord english

but tHATS JUST A THEORY-

#homestuck beyond canon #homestuck meta #dirk strider #ult dirk #lord english #caliborn #calliope #alt calliope #long post #considering what happens to doc in canon... this doesnt bode well for dirk huh #will his head explode again #the hemoanarchist post about lord english being a splinter of dirk only further solidified this to me #maybe ill be proven wrong but i mean. the evidence is there isnt it

[mueritos]

its crazy how coming into clinical social work, i really just thought I was up against systems and cycles of trauma....but it turns out i'm up against those two things AND other therapists. the amount of work spent correcting mistakes from other clinicians--whether with clients or during the classroom--is fucking crazy.

i totally get we're all on different journeys in terms of being clinicians. but it is insane finding out day after day of therapists and clinicians saying the worst things ever to clients. demeaning them, telling them "it's all in their head", the racism and the ableism and harm that is caused. like no fucking wonder people are afraid to seek therapy (on top of the accessibility issues). while i'm a little biased and think that at the very least clinical social work training focuses on viewing people within their environments (so not engaging in the medical/individualist models of practice that a lot of counseling programs focus on), that doesn't mean it gives every person the skills to be an effective therapist. i'm also not saying i'm the best clinician ever--I'm literally in training--but boy! it is jarring seeing how some of my peers interact in class and wondering...is that how you are with your clients??

my social work program at the very least also has a focus on anti-racism, but i know students from other programs and some of them don't even mention racism AT ALL and focus entirely on diagnosing people "correctly", or finding the perfect form of therapy to use on a client. but man, what none of these programs teach are basic life skills. wanting to be a clinician isn't enough, especially considering that an inhumane amount of people in my program are 1. so nervous about making mistakes that they lose scope of their practice 2. have so much internalized racism/white guilt to work thru 3. or they have absolutely no listening skills.

again, im not trying to make it seem like I am the number 1 clinician in the world ever. I don't even have a psych background or bachelor's in social work. my reasons for going into social work are quite selfish (I want a job that is very flexible, easily transferable, and can be done in different contexts), and the helping people part is just a plus. i'm just saying it's very jarring seeing other people in training and realizing they too are working with clients. i have conversation after conversation about these issues with other BIPOC/queer/marginalized clinicians, so I know i'm not the only person worried about some of the people that will be out of this program in a few years practicing on their own or with vulnerable populations.

#muerto talks #just rambling #maybe im just a hater virgo with a strong sense of justice #i am just forever perplexed #learning that some of my classmates believe that you can be racist to white people is crazy #learning that some of my classmates are rude and dismissive to BIPOC students but they work in BIPOC communities #learning that some of my classmates weaponize their mental illnesses as an excuse to act shitty to professors classmates or clients is craz #there are zionists??? trying to be social workers?????? #i literally have classes with zionists #some people r doing a whole ass career change because they had a spiritual calling to help people?? #again not saying im such a great clinician im in training just like the rest of my program #but you cannot like tell me to even try to be hopeful about some of the people who will be my collegues in a year #because i have no hope for them #and its going to take making serious mistakes for them to maybe snap out of it #and that fucking sucks #nothing in my body feels safe around those people #like idc maybe im an elitist with impossible standards #maybe im the one asking too much from these people..... #the cognitive dissonance is real in these people man

[rubra-wav]

Me: *several WIP requests already in the making*

My brain: *craving Vox fluff like a desperate, starving feral creature*

The way I want him is fucking abnormal. I wanna sink my teeth into that man and THRASH

Not literally

But RAH RAHD RAHSHA GRR AHSB RAHWHSJ

#vox #hazbin hotel vox #i TRULY #am a ride he would not fucking survive #if this man was real he would need therapy over me #i want him so FUCKING BADLY IN EVERY GODDAMN WAY #i cant believe im this down horrendous over a man wirh a literal tv for a head bruh #i wanna wine and dine him #act like his sweet natured little malewife #make him feel all important and loved (as he should be) #then im gonna screw him so relentlessly after dinner and drinks he cannot walk straight #im talking the lights will be flashing fucking horror movie poltergeist style #then im gonna give him the best aftercare hes ever fucking had right after #why am i like this 💀

[transmechanicus]

Calls you over to my desk, kisses you gently, and then takes detailed notes on your response before grabbing your collar to repeat the experiment~

#my stuff #im reading my papers and taking notes like wow cannot BELIEVE no one is here to see me be a sexy little bookworm #so upset that modern research does not involve the library unless you're insane. how am i supposed to bump into other cute ppl in the stacks #how am i supposed to act all haughty and superior to cover up that i think they're super pretty and i think they should invite me over #wym grad school isn't romantic. well it SHOULD be #also basically everyone in my program is already married or has a long term partner like HELLO #we've got a range of ppl from 22-29 and i swear everyone is either taken or guaranteed not interested like who has the time for a- #new relationship when every day but saturday has you so so busy #like i fuckin BET this experience is easier when you have a guaranteed rent buddy and source of physical affection ooh i fuckin bet #like i read an article last year that you need 10 hugs a day to be Emotionally Fufilled and um well im not meeting quota

[boopboops22]

I truly think this was the most painful line of the whole ep for me.

Like ohhh my god oh good grief

#Can you believe this shit aired the day before my birthday #and i watched this. On my birthday #all excited like hehehehe !!! yippie !!! finale time !!! #AND THEN. #Crowly says 'you cant leave this bookshop' to mean 'you cant leave us' because they cant talk explicitly #but Aziraphale is God's more autistic being and doesn't fucking realize that #in his mind of course he can leave the bookshop. If it means he can be good and with Crowley he'll give up earth #and says 'nothing lasts forever' #After they have risked everything to stay and stay and make things last. To stop Armageddon #And Crowley is heartbroken #because Aziraphale is throwing out that 'fragile peaceful life Ive carved out for myself' 'I thought we carved it out for OURselves' #Crowley never trusted Aziraphale to be able to let go of heaven #but that 'nothing lasts forever' kills a bit more of his hope #because he's interpretating it to mean 'we cannot last forever' #IM GONNA GO INSAANNNEEE #anyway im gonna go do my homework and act like a normal human being 👍 #good omens

[sunshinequeer]

Me reading this book series after years of fanfic preparing to discuss how the sex scenes are and they don't even use real words to describe it and I'm going to have to pretend I have not read the kinda things that would make them catch on fire that my personal friend that I know had me read for spelling errors before they posted it for casual and noncasual viewing

#mo moans #there has to be more coming #i cannot believe this is where it peaks #it's literally known for being smutty #dont get me wrong the plot is actually pretty dope and i like alot of the writing and the world #but i know im gunna have to act like i havent read the most downbad fic imaginable #im going to focus on the stuff i like about it and steer the convo that way

[tothechaos]

oh yeah i got cast as the lead in a show despite knowing literally nothing about the show prior to my audition. i walked in fully head empty, acted for the first time in roughly four years, and got the lead. so like. always believe in yourself. you too can accomplish anything through the powers of sheer, unprecedented levels of cunt severity

#im dionysus in the bacchae. btw #cannot stress enough. i knew nothing about the show. just walked in. #i walked in and the director/various board people were like 'hi michael. did you fill out the audition form' #like obviously i didnt. look at me. i have no clue what im doing. but im going to act like i know what im doing and youre gonna believe me.

[t4tnalu]

I live my life in an impossible state of "constantly angry at my mother" and "cannot ever be angry at my mother because I need to protect her". Anyway. This is a large contributing factor to why we will never be having the conversation about how I felt growing up.

#because im MAD and RESENTFUL about that but i also cannot trust that she can handle that #even if she says she can. because uh. she still sure acts like she cant! #and even if she did get to that point. idk if it will ever be possible for me to believe it #💋

[pinkseas]

when the line changes from meaning "im the ruler of my own world" to "i finally have worth because i am finally the ruler" because this character has never been allowed to break the rules and never been in control of their own life. and now that they HAVE broken their every most significant rule in the worst, most traumatizing ways possible, they've both changed drastically as a person and warped the entire situation in their head: they blame themselves, they KNOW that the situation is their own fault, but they cannot handle the weight of that guilt and have forced themselves to blame absolutely Anyone else instead because of it. in losing everything that defined them as a person and Taking control for the first time in their life out of an inability to face themselves and their own actions, they think that they've finally found worth in themselves, that they were meant to be the ruler. that THIS was god's plan and what they were meant to be all along. and even then, supposedly having finally broken the rules and their meaning and their worth, they're still not actually in control. they're in denial of the truth of what happened in spite of knowing it deep down, they've lost everything that defined them as a person and have NO idea how to find it again or to discover themselves without it, and though their revenge plot has given them power over perhaps the entire world they still aren't actually the one in control. taking revenge and pleasing the only gods they know for certain exist is one last desperate, terrified attempt to save themselves from the consequence of what they've done and from ever having to face themselves.

#maybe Im the one who has the heavily warped perception #<- girl who feels she has a deep understanding of grace chasity's character and motivations but who is also #deeply enamored with her writing and everything about her AS a character as well as extremely biased in trying to see the best in her #rather than facing that maybe she just Isn't a good person #<- like im so fr i CANNOT believe she had bad intentions i CANNOT believe she acted out of malice as opposed to #just being in shock and denial and genuinely having NO fucking idea what to do as things spiraled rapidly out of control #it was HER plan all of it was HER plan because of HER feelings !!! the first time she's ever been the leader instead of the follower #and everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. all her fault. and she KNOWS it's her fault!!!!! but the worst things get the harder it is #to actually face that. she almost turns herself in she fully intends to take the blame and make sure steph and pete arent punished for #HER choices and HER mistakes. and then the mayor shows up and ghosts and gods become involved and it Just Keeps Getting Worse and it's STIL #grace's fault !!!!!! #i need to shut the fuck up before i start going off about the football field scene too god help me im so srs #alyalyoxenfree

[ubersaur]

legit tho wats the point in working 40-48 hrs a week, have no time or energy for friends, family, or hobbies, and still not enough money to have my own place to live

#bitch im tired #14 years of retail can u believe #tryna research other jobs and they're all like #Pays Great!! Work in the dead of night #act like mandatory overtime is a PERK #fukken hell my guys i cannot do this no more #u

[louismygf]

Pick ONE Louis moment from this year that you will cherish forever. Just ONE moment. Go!

ltwt 2022: manila 🫶🏽

#louis tomlinson #ltwt22: manila #MY SHOW #i can think of So Many moments but since you insisted on only ONE…………… #ltwt manila 🥺💞😭🫶🏽 made my year fr #louis in manila………………… ik i shouldnt be that surprised since 1d did do 2 nights here but 🥺 it's different ok!!!!!! #i just . never actually thought in my entire life that i'd get to see him live....‚ like i was fully content just watching ig lives‚‚‚ #louis added the manila date so late we had less than 2 months to buy tickets + plan everything 😭 insanity #my baby was so happy & giggly & so hot in manila Goddddddd i miss himm 😔💔 #just a great crowd. very loud and so energetic ! also vv scary bc it was my first concert ever 😭 #standing tickets for intl acts here are At Least ₱10k+ so seeing his ticket prices surprised me #i really think louis is the only artist im willing to get standing/vip/pit tickets for #this is the most low res moodboard youve ever seen u can blame my android phone for that <3 #i just . actually cannot believe i was in there!!!!!! like . i was part of that 😔 ''it's just a concert'' TO YOU BUT NOT TO ME 😭 #will forever cherish ltwt manila 💞🫶🏽 #anon #this probably doesnt even count as only One moment but to me 🫶🏽 yes :) the entire ltwt manila experience !!! #also if we're being critical then ok- louis shaking his ass in xylo will be The moment for me in 2022 #it's just so funney he did that in xylo lmaoooo

[toytulini]

hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔

#toy txt post #wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them #thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM #I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN #i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which #felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help? #to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up #but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or #like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented #maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits #and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe #we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being #too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how #to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming #logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various #medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us. #i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites #hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track #i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare #at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly #p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that #i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol #like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was #slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything #to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them #but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear #over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed #i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it #candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately

[mercymornsimpathizer]

.

#in this weeks episode of 'getting annoyed at ppl i ostensibly agree with' #i hate hate hate this position ppl take that everyone secretly agrees with them and sees things they way they do #and anyone pretending otherwise is maliciously lying #like. the position that anyone claiming to disagree with u is necessarily acting in bad faith is just so :/// #idk im just so skeptical of anyone who thinks that the only reason ppl do or believe bad things is bc those ppl were just like born evil #and that therefoŕe anything u urself do cannot be bad or harmful bc u were born good. #idk idk idk i should just delete tiktok shouldnt i :/

[cosmicallyavg]

being a closeted queer person is always just saying “yeah idk im just not interested in dating” or “im not really looking for anyone rn” “i like being alone” and all of these other excuses and so everyone genuinely believes youre not interested in relationships and some of the stuff they say because of that just really hurts because its like... i Want those experiences but i cant talk about them in the same way as you. i cant risk saying something that i shouldnt. i cant make myself lie so i just say im not interested

#coworker today was talking about how she wants to have a boyfriend. that she misses the attention of it and everything #wants someone to care about her #and she goes #'youve never dated anyone so you dont know what youre missing out on' #like oh you have no idea how much i know im missing out #ive never dated bc im in a small conservative town and still live with my parents #and i cant date who i would want to #the people i want to date dont exist out here #if it werent for my circumstances i probably may have dated someone by this point in my life #you got to experience teenage love and i didnt #i can never have that back #its gone #believe me. i want to know what its like #and sure i would love to talk to you about it but #if i talked about love and relationships i would out myself #we might have similar ideas about love but we're picturing different genders here #the best i can do is stay neutral #but i cannot make myself lie and talk about boys #so i just have to act like i dont care about love #and so thats how people see me always #that i dont want a relationship and all this #which i mean #its not really a priority of mine i dont think? even in the grand scheme of things #but it would be nice #it would be so nice #anyways #long rant #will probably delete #whatever

[oflgtfol]

it is really unfortunate the way suicidality is talked about nowadays because it’s either all a joke so it’s hard to discuss in a serious capacity or it’s so upsettingly serious that you can’t even discuss it without fear of like being institutionalized

#brot posts #im really glad to say this but ive had such a huge improvement this past month that like #for the first time in YEARS. i am not suicidal #dont know if its permanent but like it genuinely feels permanent because i have not gone this long without #thinking about it at least in passing #to go this long without a single thougjt of it at all feels like its permanent and i have to remind myself its literally been A Month #but anyway #sorry i saw a post thats only tangentially related to this but im like. irked right now #like its hard to stress this in the current har har i m gonna kill myself era. but like if you seriously think negatively about #people who are suicidal or have killed themselves; if you're religious and believe suicide is a mortal sin; if you cannot offer #any sort of reasonable sympathy for someone who is suicidal #then like. im sorry! but that is ableism! #it feels kinda wild to associate ableism with suicidality what with the current environment and weird funny-zation of being suicidal #but like legitimately. this is a mental illness. it is not a laughing matter and it should be met with kindness and an appropriate #level of weight that it deserves - not levity. not annoyance. and not brushing it off for whatever reason #im saying this with the clear head that i now have a month into zero suicidal thoughts after years of daily suicidal thoughts #having that stark contrast in the quality of my life really shines a light on just how utterly fucked it was to live like that #and it really smarts at me to finally reach the light at the end of the tunnel and then have people act like it wasnt as bad as it was #people who have never experienced it before themselves - like who are you to tell me my own life and experiences and illness? #to act like it wasnt even an illness in the first place?