#i can't watch the crying scene without thinking about how he's wearing these shoes

[worstloki]

more appreciation for the loki show putting loki's feets in little white velcro strapped shoes

#you just KNOW loki wouldn't be caught dead in these under any other circumstances #like d*mn no socks either?? #TVA really are the villains here #i can't watch the crying scene without thinking about how he's wearing these shoes #this is why Loki hates you TVA #you keep pulling stunts like this #such a waste of ugly beige jumpsuits and white velcro shoes to change people's clothes just to incinerate them #the Loki show #loki spoilers #loki show spoilers #his lil white velcro feets tho #this is the guy that attacked New York everyone

[nanakah]

about Ishigami, his growth and Miko's role

most people, myself included, thought at some point that Tsubame's rejection (or acceptance) could wrap up Ishigami's arc and even his past's flashbacks neatly, but Osaragi's arc suddenly revealing there was more to his relationship with Miko made me reflect more and think nah...if anything we're halfway there. It also showed glimpses of him already struggling to find his place in the world by quitting his clubs, even though he was successful at them and there was no Ootomo incident yet to undermine his self-image.

It seemed odd that despite everything he went through he still has his "hair=shield/averting eyes" theme going strong, but it makes sense if you consider even though Tsubame helped him see the way to be more accepting of people and cleared his name, his self-esteem still is super low. I spoke of this in my "sutera" meta, but to Ishigami, his life still has been a sucession of failures and almosts. At his core, he still hasn't fully opened up to people or learned to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage.

If I have grabbed your interest thus far, keep reading for more considerations!

Tsubame is kind to anyone and attempted to do good for him, but ultimately he was never fully himself around her, nor she tried/he alllowed her reaching out to the deepest parts of his insecurities. She doesn't show her own flaws to him either and to this day we get the feeling we don't know her well, just the best parts that Ishigami wanted to see. Kaguya, Miyuki and Chika contribute a lot in a sibling-like way, but there's a limit to how much Kaguya in particular can inspire him. Miko however, has scratched a little beneath the surface and has expressed an interest in helping him with that, even if he himself is still avoiding the topic. She's also more relatable to him in the sense that the rest of the stuco has a history of successes in their lives, while he was able to watch Miko's hardships and failures closely. Their panic attacks even look similar and they're always watching the other to provide backup (in a very roundabout way, at least before) when they happen.

While their personalities are fundamentally different, his arc and struggles remind me a lot of Miyamura from Horimiya and today, as I was musing on what is so different about them as of now, I believe it's how Miyamura didn't have a single *traumatic* mistake to get over, so he goes down his development road much faster. Putting it another way, it's ultimately that Ishigami hasn't yet learned to be kind to himself like Miyamura has through Hori. Like Shirogane and Kaguya are through themselves. In Miyamura's case, sympathizing with how Hori despite her strong exterior can be very fragile inside but still support him (fight for him, defend him, accept his true self, not judge him, hear him, make him feel good enough) made him feel compelled to grow stronger to protect her back.

Miko as she was at the beggining of the story couldn't provide Ishigami this sort of stability (and that's where Osaragi's "prettier story"/"you weren't there for him" reasoning fails) even if deep down she wanted to, but now after making many mistakes, learning from them and becoming more flexible, she absolutely can. Both Ishigami and Miko have deeply rooted issues that took them more than just each other to flesh out and develop, but they're very much the missing puzzle piece the other needs.

Miko still very much has room for growth as well, mainly concerning finding a middle ground between her "bad girl" and "good girl" personas that Ishigami can easily see through, as demonstrated by the consolation chapter. She tried being "bad", she attempted lying but was still saying half-truths, because her love of justice isn't just out of parental abandonment issues or loneliness - she does believe them sincerely. The moment Ishigami headpated her and shared genuine, spot-on words of concern and admiration (thus a hint of fondness), it was all over for her trying to keep up the love-warfare upper hand.

That's not actually new - Ishigami has always demonstrated he was able to see glimpses of her true self, be it teasing how she's an otaku or a closet pervert and such, he never fully bought the strait-laced image she aspired to make real. But it did take him being around her more to see she could be sweet to him and as he puts it, that smiling more is not a bad look on her. Miko says to Osaragi your true self only comes through interacting with others, so given how lonely she has always been (and how the one person close to her - Osaragi - was actually keeping things between them superficial because of her own problems), it's no surprise she's only finding out now who she is. Ishigami can help Miko find a better compromise of good/bad after both not following any rules at all for so long and recently learning that hard work can pay off. Miko immersing herself in his hobby will clash with her rigid study schedule sooner or later, and he'll know how to help her with that better than anyone else.

On the other hand, Ishigami's moral compass, romanticism (love for flowers, planing dates etc) and idealism aren't things he is proud of...yet. He protects himself with layers of cynism, especially in his first appearances, but he is always being contradictory and letting it slip how idealistic/pure he is at heart. He also is only now learning to like his outward image with things like fitness/studying and finding out it's not like he never cared about it - it's just that he was scared shitless of failure, thus never even tried hard in the first place to avoid being hurt. And as I have advocated for in the Sutera post, I expect Miko in some level to help him come to terms with seeing good in himself. Heck, even being able to game with her now and showing off how good he is and having her appreciate it is gonna do wonders to make him feel more "adequate". Tsubame's arc had a lot of him changing himself to become "better", but Miko on the other hand is trying to put herself in HIS shoes to maybe go "hey, I like you as you are. I'm trying to understand you more and put effort in for you".

Ishigami and Miko start out watching out for each other behind their backs - which instead of helping their relationship, drives them further apart because they think the other side is showing no appreciation. As the story progresses, they're slowly learning to make each other more aware of their support, and it is making them open up more in general.

They have a strong belief the other wants to be rescued and there is truth in that. Both want help and to be recognized for their efforts, but won't cry out for it. In the unplugged earbuds chapter Ishigami takes it upon himself to protect Miko's reputation in spite of himself, the election arc has him actually putting effort into the campaign just for the sake of protecting her and at first posing as a rival of hers to Shirogane only to reveal he's trying to "make Miko smile", he is constantly fending off men from interacting with her as protection (while also sounding jealous), he was way more protective of her when she was wearing that cast than needed and is now being able to openly headpat her and sounds almost like her "soothing sounds" from the days of yore lol Sure Tsubame seems like his start to becoming "a better man", but all the way back on the election, it was for Miko's sake that we first SEE him putting effort into *anything* without being coerced by anyone to take action.

And while it's more discreet compared to Ishigami's "white knight" attitude, Miko also tries hard to protect him - cheering him on during the sports festival race and wanting to console him before the stuco intervened, telling him he should study (but he thinks it's just nagging), christmas (which I'll elaborate bellow), making sure he was able to graduate middle school by actually confronting school staff and, of course, their very first meeting as recently revealed.

Many people hated the entirety of Osaragi's arc, but 232 gave very juicy info indeed. Ishigami's reason for supporting Miko from the shadows comes from admiration AND part gratitude for her attempting to talk to him and listen to what troubles him, and seeing they actually had a "falling out" argument was game changing.

He looks sad and troubled to have shut her down there, not simply angry, and so does she (there's tears in her eyes when her face is shown in the next page) - despite her black and white sense of justice at this point of the story, she still wanted to listen to him. And even after that outburst she still believed the rumors weren't real, unlike Osaragi sees it - otherwise she wouldn't have made the effort for him to be able to move on to high school. Why would she care, if she truly hated him and thought he was in the wrong?

If any further proof was needed at all that this info is important, I'm happy to say we have more. I noticed the Christmas stairs scene mirrors this exact falling out moment: "Go away"/"Suit yourself"

But this time Miko had already decided to change, had already seen the mess their relationship became the last time she did not reach out to him and thus already had their previous falling out in mind - meaning she decides to chase after him.

I don't like how the scanlations handled this scene because reading the japanese raws, my interpretation was that Miko was sounding "annoying" because she was still kinda drunk/unfiltered and freaking out when talking to Ishigami, not outright berating him like the Jaimini's box translation made it look like. She also sounds too angry after the fall, so I generally thought Viz's version (the panel shown above) was closer to the original.

"I always have to take care of you! You keep putting youself in danger. You can't make it on your own." is a better translation than Jaimini's, and also parallels better what Ishigami is often telling Miko as well (That she keeps putting herself in danger and that he has to be around to keep her in check). But with 232 in mind, I think it misses a nuance of the original line: "ほんとあんたは 私が居ないと危なっかしく駄目ね" - "Honto anta wa watashi ga inaito abunakkashiku dame ne" - while I'm a novice at japanese studies, gathering from what I can read and trying to get a feel of the whole sentence, it's closer to "So it really is dangerous to you if I'm not there/ It's no good if I'm not around you". You can take that as her being full of herself, which is the route Jaimini's goes ("You'd be screwed without me") but that's too hostile - Viz's got the spirit of wanting to protect him better, but the original has an implication that she has "tested not being there"/failed being there before (due to not fully siding with him in middle school) that's absent elsewhere.

IMO the reason Ishigami's "closed his eyes" arc is not over yet is because he hasn't accepted or gotten over or fully learned from his past yet, he simply shut it down. That's why briefly during the sports festival his eyes are in plain view, then go back to their usual for the balloon gag. I'm not sure if Ootomo herself will make a comeback, may or may not - regrets are regrets and sometimes the only solution to them is letting them stay in the past. But the topic of how he saw Miko in middle school and the letter certainly are being set up to still show up in the story.

If I compare him to Miyamura again, he'd still be at the point before Miyamura's haircut - not wanting to face the parts of himself he doesn't like, not quite ready to change. Not quite ready to patch up his own wounds yet and instead silencing everything from his past.

In this sense, Miko does wonders to make him feel more confident even if he hasn't realized it yet, and she's always dropping little hints she'd like him to worry about his future not in a naggy way, but because she genuinely prays for his success. He unconsciously wants Miko to think well of him and it fills him with confidence and a more prideful image of himself he doesn't really display to anyone else, not even Tsubame - like his usages of "ore" (a more manly/confident way of addressing himself) around her (AND HER ALONE):

( I don't like the available translations to the staircase scene either, lol. Zaibatsu has conveyed the tone of the second scene up there perfectly. For the staircase line, I've seen "I'll be there to catch you" and "I'll save you" which are contextually correct, but to me the original "俺が絶対守る" - "I (ore) will absolutely protect you" carries a much more romantic nuance or ambiguity, regardless of him realizing it at that point. It's like, the title to one of the most romantic moments/songs in the CCS Clear card anime ost, for instance. OF COURSE MIKO LOVES HIM. The narrator doesn't overexplain or take apart Ishimiko's interactions like for Prezguya, but all the evidence needed is there. And I gotta add the very next chapter to the staircase one is the "eternal love" x "real love" I'm super fond of that says fate is irrelevant and to find real love you must use your head to realize/understand things, so makes the romantic subtext even greater.)

This whole affair is also making me open my eyes that I should try to study japanese more...of course I'm happy to have translations and scanlators working hard, but there is something inherently lost in adaptations because it robs you of connecting with the author's intentions unless it was the author who wrote the translation in the first place

Thinking back on Ishigami's early "i wanna die/i'm going home/don't look at me" role, it seems unbelievable we're at the point he's now able to directly confront a "stranger" (lololol) or make serious promises with so much confidence.

PLEASE DON'T END SO SOON MANGA, I NEED MORE.

( off-topic kind of, but i'm lazy to make a separate post just for it: Since I mentioned things lost in translation, I saw something on Discord about Ishigami having an unreliable narrator moment in the "compliments" chapter/Iino Miko cannot love part 4 and holy molly, it is true. He first says something akin to "You're just too beautiful" out of context, Miko HEARS IT - and that's why she looks so shocked before asking for clarification - and he DID SAY IT in the speech bubble, but after she's nice to him and he thinks back to what he said he adds a "Your handwriting is just too beautiful" to his flashback. I'm ONTO HIM. ONTO HIM I SAY. It is what he meant, but it's like his mouth betrayed him. Whether it's unconscious or denial...it totally is something. The scanlation completely skips this and had the same line both times it's mentioned.)

#kaguya-sama #kaguya-sama spoilers #meta #ishigami yu #yu ishigami #ishimiko #it's ishigami focused but i'd be a dirty liar to say i'm not at least a lil bit biased #longpost #spoilers #yes i am an overthinker and overanalyzer did u notice #horimiya spoilers #yeah i kinda mentioned miyamura lol #i'm not even procrastinating anything this time i just rly care for them #kaguya-sama meta #this is a clown here that procrastinated 3 months to write a thesis but is churning out meta after meta for manga #plz forgive typos i'm still lazy to spellcheck this one lol #ishiino #ishigami using ore again to invite miko to the dance makes this post qualify for fridge brilliance now

[aceofspadegrass]

Hey hey hey! Haven't been requesting for quiet a while.

Remember the chishiya kitty and Niragi kitty ya know pre-border kitties!

Yeah can I have a part 2 where *inhales* NIJIRO CAN'T FIND A HOME FOR THE BOTH OF THE KITTIES SO HE ADOPTED CHISHIYA WHILE DORI ADOPTED NIRAGI AND THEY BOTH TAKE THE BOTH OF THEM TO WORK IN THEIR STUDIO WHILE FILMING (yes fanta is there too, and the other doggies) AND WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR DORI TO SHOOT THE FLASHBACK SCENE WHERE NIRAGI GETS...ya know..I AM SAD OF THAT SCENE OKAY!? HE GOT BRUISES AND ALL-

and after that scene Dori comes looking for kitty Niragi and saw the kitten all shaking beneath the black chair that say's the word 'NIRAGI' in the back, ya know those chairs right? (Fanta is there right next to the kitten licking it's head in reassurance what good pupper! He is trained so well-)

The rest is up to you!

Pre-BorderKitties, Now with a Baseball

Characters: Sakurada Dori, Murakami Nijiro, Yanagi Shuntaro (Mentioned), Niragi Suguru (Technically), Chishiya Shuntaro (Technically and also only mentioned)

Genre: Fluff with a little angst. Just a tad. Poor kitty Niragi, he saw baseball season.

1.5k words

Well here you go buddy! It was fun to write, but poor kitty Niragi, he saw something he wasn't supposed to. I like to imagine Niragi later got to hang out at the 'Beach' in a separate room as they filmed the rest, without seeing the fate of his owner wearing the future human version of him. ✨

(Also I'm reusing the liner from the other one because it's nice.)

The next few days turned into weeks, much longer than the either were expecting.

Murakami came by every day to help Sakurada with the kittens faithfully, as he promised. Since then, the kittens have warmed up a little to them, and by the end of the month they ended up adopting a kitten each. Murakami thought it would be more funnier to take the cat after their character, so now Sakurada had a little dark grey kitten as well as his precious dog. Niragi was still pretty much the same as he was the first day Sakurada met him, skittish and wary of everything, but now a little more willing to cuddle next to Sakurada.

Today was filming day for Alice in Borderland, Sakurada driving over to the site where they were filming one of the scenes, Fanta happily chilling in the backseat with Niragi sitting next to the pupper, the both safely fastened to the car so they couldn’t get thrown around if something happened. Fanta was using a leash while Niragi was just huddled in a little cloth that was attached to a smaller strap, but it was effective enough.

Sakurada parks by the rest of the cars and gets out, opening the door and releasing his pets from the car, Fanta hopping down to walk besides Sakurada. Niragi was carried out instead, the three heading over to where the others where, Sakurada waving at the others there as he passed by and went to the dressing trailer they set up. Later on in the day they’d be shooting the other parts of the Beach episodes, and he didn’t need to be staying in his Pre-Borderland outfit for that long, so it was just a quick change here instead of coming already dressed. He spots Murakami not that far away, the man there despite not filming any scenes until much later in the day, Chishiya cradled in his arms and apparently sleeping.

“ Hi Sakurada!” Murakami waves to Sakurada from a distance, then comes closer and bows properly. “ Good luck during filming today!”

“ Thanks Murakami. What are you doing here?” Sakurada asked, Murakami smiling at him as he straightens up, Chishiya still fast asleep despite the brief squishing he just endured.

“ Well, I just came by to watch! That and I heard you were bringing your pets to work, so I wanted to see them too!” Murakami chirps, Sakurada chuckling. He gestures to Fanta, who was still by his feet, Murakami bending down and petting the pupper. Fanta gives a soft bark and wags his little tail, happy to be getting attention without having to do much. Murakami stands up again and waves to Niragi as well, who was curled up in Sakurada’s arm.

“ Well, I better get going now. Talk to you later!”

“ Okay, I will!”

Sakurada goes to gets dressed and heads out once he finished, placing kitty Niragi down on the chair with his name on it. The kitten mews up at him the moment Niragi left Sakurada’s warm hands. Sakurada smiles at Niragi and gently pets the kitten, which earns him the tiniest of purrs and a loafed bean when he lifts his hand up. “ You stay here and rest for a bit, okay Niragi? I need to go work for a little bit~”

Niragi only stays here and watches as Sakurada heads towards the bridge where the scene would be, not far from where everything else was. Sakurada could see Fanta happily playing with Yanagi’s dog Merry not that far away. Sakurada appreciated that Yanagi came by just to hang out with Fanta once he heard that Sakurada was taking his dog to the site so that when they were released until later on they could just hang out and do normal people things. Maybe they could walk the dogs together, that’d be fun.

The scene itself was thankfully taken within a few shots so Sakurada didn’t have to worry about any real bruising on his beautiful face. The hits weren’t as hard as it looked, they made sure to use softballs and not apply as much pressure as it was depicted to prevent any real damage, but the acting (and extra makeup they applied to make it more realistic) still had to make it seem they were the real deal. Sakurada congratulated everyone for the good job, the others even coming over to check to assure he was perfectly alright before they broke for a break and moved locations to film some more scenes at the ‘Beach’ indoors, the nighttime outdoor scenes taking much later in the day.

Sakurada heads back to the break area, but pauses when he notices something wrong, Murakami wandering around with worry on his face.

“ Murakami? Murakami, what’s wrong?” Sakurada jogged over to his friend, Murakami looking up at Sakurada.

“ I can’t find Niragi.” “ Huh? What do you mean?”

Murakami looks at the ground, eyes flicking around to try to spot the kitten. “ Well, I thought it’d be a good idea to let the kitten roam around a little, under my supervision on course! So I took him off the chair you left him on. But….”

Sakurada raised an eyebrow as he waited for Murakami to finish, although panic was already seeping into his bones. “ But…?”

“ Well, I think Niragi saw you guys acting out that scene, and he suddenly ran off. I don’t know where he went. Goodness, I hope he didn’t run far…”

Sakurada frowns, then nods. “ Let’s look for him. Go see if Yanagi spotted him too.”

Murakami nods in return, and they part, Sakurada looking around to see if he could find the skittish kitten, including underneath places a kitten could’ve been. He shouldn’t have ran far, but since this was a fairly open area…. Sakurada shivered at the thought of what could happen. He even called out the kitten’s name a few times and asked the others if they saw where Niragi had scampered off too, but no results.

Sakurada was about ready to start looking outside the area where they had all been in when he felt paws against his shoe. Sakurada looks down to Merry, who barks and runs off almost immediately, Sakurada following after the dog.

“ What is it Merry?” Sakurada asked, the pupper stopping in front of the black chair where he last had left the kitten. “ Wait, is he….?” Merry barks in response and wags her tail, the trots off after apparently having completing the mission the dog set out to do.

Sakurada lets out a small chuckle at the dog’s antics, then finally checks underneath the chair, finally getting his prize of finding his kitten. Niragi was curled up right underneath the shade of the chair, easily fading into the shadows with how dark and small he was. Sakurada reaches out for the kitten, and the moment his fingers grazed the kitten he felt the poor thing shaking, and a short mew erupted from Niragi, full of fear. Sakurada instantly started hushing the heightened kitten, staying still and reassuring Niragi that he was alright..

“ Oh, did I scare you? I’m sorry Niragi, I didn’t mean to. I’m alright, see? Nothing’s gonna hurt you either you little vanilla bean, oh I’m so sorry if that scared you….” Sakurada says in a soft tone, the kitten mewing again while he continued to shake, fur puffed up all over and resembling a dust bunny.

The sad mews seemed to have caught Fanta’s attention as well, the dog padding over and laying next to Niragi, licking the kitten as if he knew the best way to calm a crying bean.

The two laid there underneath the chair comforting the kitten for a while, and while others did come by to see if everything was okay, Sakurada always politely sent them on their way to reduce Niragi’s stress. Eventually he could scoop the kitten up, getting into a sitting position as the kitten trembled against his chest, a paw moving to press against his chest, which was still in the school uniform he was supposed to wear.

“ It’s alright now Niragi, I’m here. I’m here.” Sakurada continued to soothe, cradling the kitten as he heads to the trailer. After all, he still needed to change out and get the makeup wiped off so he could head to the other location for more filming.

Afterwards, he gets up and heads to his car, grabbing the little cloth pouch with the strap. Thankfully, it also functioned as a sort of carrier, Sakurada tying it around himself and settling the kitten to rest within, right up to his heart so the kitten could listen to his perfectly alright heart. Within seconds the kitten began to quietly purr, curling up safely in the comfort of Sakurada. Sakurada nods in satisfaction, and he heads to where Yanagi was, the man offering the extra leash he brought so they could walk their dogs together, Sakurada quickly thanking him. He calls his dog over, Fanta trotting over and letting Sakurada clip the leash to him. Hopefully Fanta would walk for a fair distance, knowing how much more he preferred to just flop and become a fried dumpling instead, the two setting off for a nice brisk walk until they had to head down for the rest of filming.

Niragi, at the very least, was safe and comfortable, the best way Sakurada preferred him to be after that harrowing experience for the kitten.

#aib #alice in borderland #sakurada dori #murakami nijiro #yanagi shuntaro #chishiya shuntaro #niragi suguru #pre niragi kitty is trying his best to interact but people spooky~ #poor baby saw his owner get smacked as his human version :( #also kitty chishiya is just sleeping because he simply isn't bothered #good thing kitty niragi didn't run off too far that'd be disasterous #i haven't the slightest of clue of the order they filmed everything so i made it as i went #maybe kitty niragi learns the gremlin behaviour from watching sakurada play as niragi at the beach :0 such a smart kitty #fanta is so precious~ #so is merry :D #ask

[l000ey]

mamas 2019, pt. 1 ━ venus

𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 ━ 𝗆𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝖽𝖺𝖾𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗅 𝗑 𝗂𝗆 𝗃𝖺𝖾𝖻𝗎𝗆 ( 𝖿𝗍. 𝗆𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗆𝗈𝗈, 𝖺𝗋𝖺𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖺 𝗅𝖾𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖾 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗄 )

𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 ━ 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝟤𝟢𝟣𝟫 𝗆𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝗓𝗒

𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺 ━ 𝗋𝗈𝗌𝖾́ 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗉𝗌𝗒𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖺𝗍𝗁 𝖻𝗂𝗍𝖼𝗁, 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗋𝗒 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗆, 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖾𝗑

𝑨/𝑵 ━ 𝗂 𝗌𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖺 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝖺𝗀𝗈, 𝗂'𝗆 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 𝖿𝖺𝗂𝗅𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝗆𝗀

𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹 ━ 𝟤𝟢𝟣𝟫

• 𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘶𝘴’ 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

A feeling of excitement and euphoria ran through the place, the glitters of the idols' expensive clothes decorated the city of Nagoya, and the screams of the fans, excited to see their favorite artists perform. But Moon Daesoul didn't feel that but a great pressure and anxiety that made her hand tighten more and more against Hwasa's. She didn't want to attend the awards, but because she hadn't told anyone what happened that night she had no choice but to smile and nod like she was a sweet and silly girl.

She rolled her eyes, erasing her tight, fake smile as they escaped the flashes of the paparazzi on the carpet. Hwasa's hand was still trapped in her grip as they walked into the stadium ━rather laughing at the wig that Solar would have to wear for the performance━, she remained quiet until they reached their seats for the night watching the toes of her heels appear and disappear as they walked, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone.

She listened as Wheein thanked the staff girl who guided them as she sat down. She did a quick visual inspection and sighed in relief, at least Exo hadn't come. Her eyes met Storm's, who moved her eyebrows in her direction in a playful way at her making her eyes roll.

"Well, place your bets" Byul spoke attracting the attention of the four, who looked at her curiously although the curiosity faded as their eyes fell on Dae "Will something happen between JB and Vee or will they just look at each other like every damn event?" The tired and annoyed tone that she used to pronounce the last sentence made Wheein laugh, her laugh was accompanied by an exaggerated gesture that expressed the annoyance of the members every time the former couple starred for a moment from afar.

Immediately her body stiffened. They didn't know about Baekhyun, they didn't know that she was almost in a relationship with the Exo singer, but most of all, they didn't know about that night. Guilt returned to fill her body when the words and thoughts made a knot in her stomach and went up her throat wanting to come out of her in the form of vomit. She swallowed hard, diverting her gaze from her sisters, who were looking at her waiting for an answer.

“Maybe something will happen, but with someone else.” The leader's words reached her ears making her frown, but she still didn't look.

Hwasa gave her a light blow on the arm "Explain".

"I heard that a member of that new group, Ateez I think their name is, he is a very fan of our Venus" She raised her eyebrows and the girls laughed sounding like schoolgirls when they saw the boy they liked although to Dae they sounded more like old ladies bored with their husbands and gossiping about the misfortunes of others.

"Most of the members of that group were born in 99, I don't think Vee likes them so young." The other rapper denied skeptically, she was a fan of Jaedae.

Before any of them could answer the lights went out and the screaming increased. Venus smiled, she wouldn't have to hear them anymore until they had to go backstage or win an award.

Which happened eventually. She sighed before giving a staff boy a smile as he helped her down the stairs from the stage that led backstage. She looked at her groupmates before approaching Solar, touched her shoulder to get her attention.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, see you in the dressing room" The leader nodded, checking her with a worried look.

"Are you okay?" Venus nodded and gave her a small smile before handing the headphones and microphone to the staff, she headed to the bathroom giving some smile and bows to the idols she was meeting on her way to her destiny.

Shit.

She froze when she saw Got7 coming in her way, she looked down at her shoes to avoid making eye contact with any of them. She smiled in relief as she managed to enter the bathroom, her smile growing even wider when she saw that it was empty. She went to a cubicle but before she could open it a hand of her pulled her, alarmed she turned around.

Double shit.

She almost fainted when she saw the boy in front of her, she opened her eyes and pushed him away from her body. Her eyes moved to the door before looking back at him "Are you an idiot?! What are you doing here? If anyone sees us━“.

"We have to talk, it will only be a second" He interrupted her. The girl began to move her leg up and down, nervous about the situation.

"I don't want to talk, Jaebum" She took his arm in her hands to start pushing him towards the door.

"We have to talk about what happened, Vee." He put his feet on the ground making it impossible for her to move him. She snorted moving behind him to push him by the back but still he didn't move, he was so much stronger than her.

"God, someday you're going to kill me" She clenched her jaw and frustrated she moved away from him, she had no choice but to listen to him. She would let him speak, he would leave, and she would empty her bladder.

"I-I have sent you messages and I have even called you" He turned around to see her better, she looked at him with no expression other than annoyance.

"I know".

"You have not answered".

"I know".

JB dropped his head in defeat, this girl really got on his nerves when she got stubborn.

"Is that all you had to say? Well goodbye!" She tried again to push him but, again, she failed.

The long-haired boy placed his hands over hers that were positioned on his chest, the rapper swallowed hard when he looked at her.

"I can't stop thinking about that night" That's it, he said it. An awkward silence entered the bathroom, both former lovers looked into each other's eyes without being able to move their gaze from each other. Without knowing how or when, Moon's back met the wall of one of the cubicles while her tongue fought against the Im, her legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands traveled all over her body in fast and clumsy movements, excited to get around every curve again.

He moaned into her mouth when her hands met his hair and she smiled, forgetting that they were in a public bathroom in a building with millions of cameras and eyes that would benefit quite a bit from the scene. They were so focused on each other that they didn't even realize that two more presences had entered the room.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It was just sex, for God's sake!" A raspy but feminine voice made both of them stop the kiss, still tangled they looked at each other in panic. Venus was grateful that they closed the cubicle door.

"But I love you, Arabella!" The girl widened her eyes when she heard the name of her friend while Jaebum raised an eyebrow, curious.

"Fucking hell, I don't want to have anything with you" The BTS member made a face of disgust when the other girl got too close to her, took a couple of steps back raising a hand to not hit the wall and be cornered but in instead she pushed the door of the same cubicle in which both lovers were hiding, let's say they had not closed the door very well since it was opened revealing the other two idols in a very compromising situation. Arabella frowned when she saw how Rosé's face twitched in shock "What now?."

"Bells" Hearing the new voice, the italian made a little jump in her place before turning and seeing her two friends.

She pressed her full lips together causing them to disappear into a fine line "Shit".

Before anyone could say or do anything a flash and the "click" of a camera echoed throughout the bathroom, panic quickly filled the former couple's body as Lee turned around again to look at Blackpink's singer smirking at her as she moved her phone in her hands.

"Rosé, give me the phone."

"Come back with me and I will not publish the photo" The little girl pointed to the two older people in the room, who had already separated and left the cubicle "You don't want your friends' lives to go to hell do you?"

"This happens to me for having sex with virgins" She murmured to herself before giving the girl a wry smile "Am i that good in bed? because jesus, I don't think you want to date someone like me. "

"One click and it will be all over Naver" She unlocked her phone causing Venus to raise her hands to stop her.

"No, please" She begged, kneeling before her, her tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Jaebum walked over to her to pick her up.

The other rapper tensed her jaw seeing how her friend began to cry in the man's arms, she sighed in defeat.

"Okay, okay, I'll do what you want but delete the fucking photo" The singer smiled widely, this time the smile was a happy one before approaching the tallest one and planting a kiss on her lips.

"I'll erase it when you take me on a date, babe." She giggled sweetly when Arabella tried to grab her arm but she was faster than her and managed to avoid her before leaving the bathroom.

"Fottuta puttana" She cursed in a murmur with her gaze still on the bathroom door.

On the other hand, the couple was still holding each other, Venus cried on JB's chest while he stroked her hair and murmured in her ear trying to calm her down.

The girl looked at them with pity, went over to the sink and washed her lips trying to remove any trace of that manipulative bitch. She made eye contact with the boy through the mirror, gave a quick look at the girl in his arms and sighed wiping hdf hands "Go, I'll call Hwasa and tell her that she feels bad, my manager will take her to my house and keep her company. When this shit is over go there, we will talk about this."

After thinking about it for a few seconds, the black-haired man nodded before making the girl in her arms look at him, he placed his hands on her cheeks and wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks with his thumbs. He gave her a sad smile "I'm so sorry, Vee."

He kissed her forehead before releasing her and leaving the room.

#mamamoo's 5th member #mamamoo addition #mamamoo #mamamoo hwasa #mamamoo solar #mamamoo moonbyul #mamamoo wheein #jang seungyeon #clc #crystal clear #kpop female additions #kpop additions #bts #kim chungha #bts's 8th member #bts female addition #bts female member #got7 #im jaebum #got7 jb #ateez #kpop escenarios #kpop imagines

[moon-stars01]

5 ways to say I love you

Wonwoo x Reader

Author:leechansmile

Summary: l/n y/n was just pure stupid sometimes.Note the sometimes because it seems like her stupidity only shows with this person; or where y/n is huge ball of mess but gets a lot more messy when Jeon Wonwoo was involved.

Pairing:Wonwoo(Svt) x Reader

Gene:fluff,pinning,cute,affectionate Wonwoo

Rating:General Audiences

Word Count:2800

•5 ways to say I love you•

[ 1 s t w a y ]:

pure stupidity.

that is y/n right at this moment as she picks up her broken phone from the ground.

great! it's damn broken, l/n y/n

"why exactly did you throw it?"

Y/n isn't suppose to hate her seokmin oppa for asking an innocent question but she really doesn't want to rethink it right now, right after the embarrassment that just happened.

you see y/n was minding her own business as usual, it was practice break as she stood up and went to one of the speaker where her phone was placed, she did stuff normally like a normal person would but just as she was about to come back to where she was sitting before, she was approached

and it wasn't anything special, just one of her sunbae's of course, what's so wrong about that to the point you'll throw your phone to the ground for no apparent reason?

well it was Jeon wonwoo

it wasn't a surprise to say y/n admired her friend and how much of a good sunbae he is to her, but it was terrifying everytime she heard her heart beat so fast... because it wasn't normal, her heart shouldn't feel like this for someone like one of her sunbae's.

but it was too late to shut her heart up.

because just as she looks up to her sunbae, the bright smile and the messy hair matching with the bright eyes that looks back at her, she realized something and damn how much she hated that her heart did a flip and it felt normal to her now.

and just from everything, without even a word, she throws her phone to the ground.

matching with the gasp as she looks at what she had done with the device that was now smashed on the ground, probably broken from the way y/n threw it, and y/n made the stupidest decision and looked back up at the reason why that just happened.

and she saw him.

but he was shining, from the room's light he looked flawless and y/n realized

She's in love. She's in love with Jeon Wonwoo.

"Y/n your phone!" Wonwoo looked at the broken phone on the ground with a shocked expression, the members close to them looking over at the scene.

"what happened?" seungcheol made his way looking at the two before looking at the ground and seeing the phone "why is your phone on the ground, y/n?"

She's in love with her sunbae, not just any human but the one that basically raised her.

"did y/n's brain came along with the phone? because both look broken" and at this point y/n would've cursed and chased  seungkwan already but her heart held her body, controlling her feet from moving.

She's in love, oh god she's in love.

[ 2 n d w a y ]:

after the phone accident, y/n almost couldn't take it everytime she was with the older, but that seemed really impossible.

and she thinks she really lost it when it was Wonwoo who bought her a new screen saver with a 'super strong, no drop could break it' phone case, and the phone case was matching with the older's too and it just absolutely made y/n crazy.

but what y/n shouldn't have done is trying cook while Wonwoo was there, because mixing stupidity, being unlucky and cooking together doesn't really match well, so when y/n cracked one damn egg into the pan and a newly woken up Wonwoo ,with messy hair and puffy cheeks, walked into the kitchen, y/n knew she was about to do something she's gonna regret.

at first it looked all fine, like she was left alone by the charm of stupidity for awhile, but when her naturally affectionate Sunbaemin came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, y/n's brain went hostile.

She felt like she was the one being fried and not the egg on the pan, it also didn't help that y/n was just wearing shorts so she absolutely felt wonwoo's pajama rubbing on her legs and just the warmth of the older wrapping around her.

and as much as she loves it and is almost used to it, her brain still failed to associate it as platonic, and made y/n's body just completely panic, so when y/n muttered to the older about the food being ready and the older finally lets go of her, she quickly grabbed plates.

and plates mixing in with y/n wasn't really a perfect fit, hell anything breakable isn't a perfect fit for panicked y/n so as expected, her brain mulfuctioned as the older sat on one of the stools, taking sight of her again, y/n dropped one of the plates, making her and the older jump at the sound.

"whoa y/n are you okay?" Y/n didn't notice her shaking hands and why it was shaking was also unknown as the older stands up to grab a broom to clean it off.

Y/n felt herself grow embarrassed, her face felt a lot hotter and she felt her hands trembling and she just wants to jump out of her skin at that moment.

Y/n also didn't realize that she was just about to step on the broken pieces of the plates until a hand on her wrist snapped her out of her trance again, a worried Wonwoo held onto her wrist as y/n looks at him.

"Y/n you'll hurt yourself, just go and sit on the counter and i'll clean this up" and y/n was about to protest, wanting to be the one cleaning up the mess that she made, but the other knew her way too well that he immediately gave her a strict look making the younger sit down on the counter top watching the older clean up the broken plate.

"you shouldn't be cooking and stuff when you're still half awake, you could seriously get hurt if you're not careful" and y/n wanted to cry in frustration because the other latter doesn't know what he's doing to her.

"but really i was fine, just lost balance a bit–"

"no buts, you can seriously get hurt if you do it like that again, good thing your trusty sunbae is here, huh?" the older held a smile to reassure y/n that it was okay.

but again y/n wanted to cry.

the older had no idea, and y/n was just helplessly falling deeper for him.

[ 3 r d w a y ]:

"i noticed that a plate is missing–"

Y/n spitted out the coffee she was drinking as hansol patted her back as she coughs.

"first of all yuck,y/n what the hell, and two the plate that was missing is jeonghan hyung's favorite so he kinda freaked out"

seokmin rests his hand on the table and told y/n about how jeonghan was trying to find the missing plate and how many times he had interrogated some of the members about the plate y/n broke because of her stupid feelings.

"he asked me right as i came out of the bathroom and i accidentally threw my toothbrush at him" and that made hansol laugh to the point that he was punching

y/n's arm over and over.

"does he really love that plate?" Y/n sips her coffee that was surely too sweet as  she tries to cover up her light nervousness from the topic.

"it was bought by seungcheol hyung, it had a swan on it and hyung absolutely was so smitten over the fact that cheol hyung said that he reminded him of a swan because of hyung's beauty" hansol explained and y/n took more sips as to prove that she was innocent.

"but cheol hyung already calmed him down about it and told him he would buy a new set of it and hyung seems satisfied with that" and with seokmin's shrug y/n's heart felt more relaxed again.

Y/n reached over again for her coffee to take a sip and realized it was empty, "that was my coffee, y/n." and with that y/n smiled awkwardly, standing up to get a cup of it again to give back to hansol.

and glad to say that she successfully got there without anything breaking or something weird happening and she filled the cup with coffee again, ready to get back to the table.

"Y/n i was just trying to find you–" Jeon freaking Wonwoo, oh god no

and just with a gasp y/n tilted the cup to the point that it spilled all over wonwoo's pants and white shoes and was she so happy for doing that (mark the sarcasm).

"–for another practice" the older looked down onto his shoes, the once clean shoes were now stained with coffee and the black joggers was also wet with the drink.

"i am so sorry! oh god" y/n didn't know why she was bowing or why she felt more nervous than any of the time she messed with her other sunbae's.

Wonwoo's face looked shocked and a little bit confused, to which y/n got alarmingly scared of because of how calm he was.

"i'll wash it when we get to the dorm, i'm so sorry!" and y/n was almost crying,she didn't know why but she was close to tears. how many times does she need to mess things up with whom that she fell in love with.

"Y/n, i-it's fine, honestly just–" y/n got scared as Wonwoo sighs "–maybe you need rest just a for a little while, you seem weird for awhile now..."

he noticed. he freaking noticed.

and again y/n wanted to just scream and cry because she's already out of luck of making him return her feelings but also he found her weird. weird!

"i'll get going now y/n... maybe just go home and rest if you wanna" and maybe it was the weird smile he gave that crushed y/n or the view of the other walking away, but either way she was messed up.

in all sorts of way.

[ 4 t h w a y ]:

the beach.

the beach is always fun, especially with your friends or family and to y/n it was an easy place to relax and just have fun, like build sandcastles and play in the water but sadly y/n can't do it because of the weird feeling of being awkward around someone, someone you particularly like more than a sunbae and is probably one of the bestest things in y/n's life.

it was seungcheol's idea for the them to take a break, because they had been on a tight schedule recently and is drained from all of it (or maybe Wonwoo told seungcheol about y/n acting weird and this is a way for y/n to rest, atleast that's what she thinks)

so here is y/n, playing a sport she isn't even good at or doesn't even know that rules of it, it was beach volleyball and seungkwan of course made her join.

don't get y/n wrong,she did know the simple things like serving, receiving and all of those stuff but in over all she just wasn't really into the sport like the others are, but either way she just joined because maybe this will clear her mind up for a bit.

and it did! surprisingly it did, y/n didn't think of the older as they were playing, she heard his voice time to time and she doesn't know if it's because Wonwoo was really there or she was just going crazy but either way she was doing just fine with it.

until of course she messes up.

you see they changed sides of the court as they get into another set, and this time joshua's team was facing the clear way, while y/n's team was facing their hut, where the other guys that are not in the game are resting and y/n almost didn't want to do it because the chances of Wonwoo appearing is huge, much larger than y/n not messing up more likely.

and for some reason it was y/n's turn to serve the ball and it was fine and all,she knew how to do that, it may not be amazing but it was just okay but what wasn't okay is that as she is about to serve the ball her eyes catched Wonwoo walking over at the back of joshua's team, causing y/n to hit the ball not on the other team's direction.

but wonwoo's direction

and before the ball could land she catches wonwoo's eyes and just as it hits the other latter straight on the head,and what made it worse was that it was normal to the other guys but to her it made stuff way worse.

like before y/n bowed and apologized to the older which ended up with the older, again, shrugging her off but what made it worse was wonwoo's last words.

"at this point i don't know if something's wrong with me or is it just you"

and it may mean something else but all if did was the same thing,,, crush y/n's heart.

+ f i n a l w a y+

as soon as they got home after the whole week of suffering for y/n, the younger immediately went to the practice rooms to dance her little heart out, frustrations all released by the dance, making her heart lighter than the weight it was before.

but it seems like she just can't catch a break.

as she dances to a random song from her playlist, the door of the room opens revealing a Jeon Wonwoo looking to want to do the same thing y/n is doing at the moment.

and for some reason her phone's music logged, stopping y/n and making her face the older who is at the door with a blank face.

"Wonwoo–" "just tell me what's wrong y/n?"

Y/n felt her heart in her throat as she gulps down the feeling, looking at the floor and finding it much more interesting now.

"nothing's wrong, everything happening is just accidents–"

Y/n's words gets cut off as Wonwoo walks closer "accidents my ass! it just seems like you're uncomfortable with me, like you're avoiding me, like you're afraid of me–"

Y/n taps her foot on the floor, a sign of nervousness from the older's words

"–you keep on spacing out when you're with me, you get tense and you do all these things and you apologize like the world is mad at you for it! Y/n what the hell is wrong? cause i certainly do not know"

and y/n's walls break, tears slowly falling, it was just small but the drops were enough for the older to see, stepping closer.

"Wonwoo-nim, i-i just–

i fell for you, okay!?"

Y/n felt her breathing being heavy as the air swallows her full, not taking notice of the older stepping more closer to her.

"i love you more than i should've, and i don't know why everytime you're there everything i do gets messed up when all i wanna do is say i love you!" and that's it, y/n felt the air swallow her whole as she looks down again.

"breaking your phone in front of me was an i love you?"

Y/n looked up at the older as she takes a step back and older takes another step closer.

"breaking jeonghan hyung's favorite plate was an i love you?"

step back. one step closer.

"spilling coffee on me was an i love you?"

step back. one step closer.

"hitting me with a volleyball was an i love you?"

Y/n feels the cool glass of the mirror behind her back as Wonwoo corners her in the corner, face closer than before,she can feel the older's breathe on her lips.

"where all of those an i love you?"

Y/n looks down "supposed to be, but–"

"do you think all of those were enough for me to get what you were feeling? huh?"

"no but–"

"then tell me. tell me the exact way."

Y/n closes her eyes "i love you..."

and she felt a pair of lips on her's and she thinks she's dreaming but once she opened her eyes there he was, Jeon Wonwoo with his smiling glory.

and y/n was about to speak when Wonwoo dropped his phone

"i love you too, y/nnie"

maybe her stupidity isn't that bad at all.

+ 1

"you broke your phone too?"

"long story hyung..."

jeonghan looked over at seungcheol as he questions the two

"also hannie-nim i wanna tell you something..."

"hmm?"

and just as that seungkwan broke into the room looking knowing as ever

"JEONGHAN HYUNG Y/N BROKE THE PLATE!"

"oh that's– wAIT WHAT?"

"Calm down, these two just got together we should be happy–"

"L/N Y/N EXPLAIN!"

#seventeen #wonwoo #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo x reader #kpop #stories #wonwoo seventeen

[80s-roger]

Not On My Watch (pt 8:finale)

Pairing: Dad!Roger x Mum!Reader

summary: you’re divorced with queen’s roger taylor due to constant cheating and irrational behaviour towards you. but u have one person in common: your daughter, Laura aka your favourite human on earth. Your marriage with Roger had its ups and downs but Laura was the happiness in it. Now that she’s 8 and starts to realise how your terms with roger are, you finally tell her that you’re seeing another man except her father and she took it really warmly. She seemed excited to meet the new man unlikely your ex husband who accidentally learns about it by Laura, the weekend you would leave her at his place: on weekends you had some cute getaways with R/N because the court decided that Laura could stay or visit her dad on weekends and stay with him for five days each Christmas and easter vacations. Roger now, fights to get Laura and you back. R/N isn't as it seems and Roger helps you to keep him away from you.

catch up: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

masterlist //dialogue prompts

taglist: @madeinheavxn @namelesslosers @stacymaytaylor @drwse @cherries-n-rocknroll

words: 3.505

warnings: FLUFF IM GONNA CRY

You were on your car, following Roger for about a quarter until the paps lost you. It was a crazy moment you don't want to relive again. As you parked outside the pub, he opened the door for you to walk in. Always a gentleman. You noticed his bandmates' figures from a corner and walked closer with Roger behind you.

"Oh hello Y/n!" Brian greeted you and made some space for you to sit.

"Hi Brian, Fred, John." You smiled at them and waited for Roger to bring an extra chair to sit next to you.

"We didn't expect you here, how are you, darling?" Freddie asked.

"I'm a little upset." You were straightforward, Roger was aware and he placed his hand on your thigh, trying to calm you down. Brian noticed his move and understood something was wrong.

"You want to talk about it?" Brian asked.

"The man she was seeing appeared at her work and embarrassed her to death. I was there at half of the scene and intervened." Roger started.

"Oh, fuck." Freddie gasped.

"I'm afraid he saw us last night." You turned to Roger, referring to him fucking you at his cabinet.

"Yeah, you're right. Well, at least he's staying at the police's cell tonight. He was acting irrationally in public. He caused trouble." Roger spoke to his bandmates too.

The waiter came to your place, took yours and Roger's order and left. "Y/n, where did you find this man? He's such a troublemaker!" Freddie said.

"It doesn't matter where I met him, he just won't accept the fact I want to get back with Rog." You admitted and felt your heart beating fast. Roger wrapped his arm around you, feeling extremely happy of your declaration.

"So, you also want to get back with him?" Freddie asked surprised.

"I'd give it one more chance..." you sighed and stared at Roger, wishing he'd be different this time.

"Wow, that's big news!" Freddie said.

"What are you going to do with R/N? He won't give up this easy." Roger asked.

"I have no idea. I'll come up with something." You sighed.

The beers arrived and so on, you spent these couple of hours with the Queen members, drinking and having fun. They always liked your company but most of them, Roger. He enjoyed watching you having fun with his bandmates. He liked seeing you laughing and joking around. Later, you drove off to your own apartment, knowing it's safe to walk in to get more clothes and personal stuff including your daughter's. You were about to move out soon and didn't want to tire Laura anymore with all these movings and rides. You had to talk with your landlord about moving out so you didn't waste time.

Time passed fast and you drove at Roger's place again, with your suitcase hanging on your hand. He saw you coming closer to his door and there he was, standing happy at your presence.

"Hi." He smiled and leaned in to kiss your lips. "Come on in." He made way for you to walk in and suddenly Laura's cheering voice echoed to your ears.

"Mummy!" She cajoled.

"Hello, my little baby!" You knelt down to kiss her. "How was your day? I missed you!"

"I got an A in maths!" She jumped showing her excitement.

"Wow, that's amazing sweetheart! Well done!" You praised your blonde little girl and kissed her again.

"Women of my life," Roger started and Laura and you turned your gazes to him. "I have an announcement to make," he cleared his throat trying to make it funny for Laura.

"What is it, dad?" She asked.

"Tonight we are going out, the three of us. Diner at nine, how's it?" He asked waiting to hear your affirm.

"That's great!" You said with a huge smile on your face.

"Wow, dad! Yes! I'm so happy! I'm just gonna rush to my room and finish my homework!" She was as excited as you and maybe a little more because she barely remembers Roger and you being lovebirds.

"Don't rush it, love, your answers might be wrong! I'll come and check you!" He joked and laughed. He then came closer to you. "You brought a suitcase?" He asked as he checked it.

"Yes, I talked with the landlord, he has no issue with me moving out. I can leave at any moment. Are you surely okay about it?" You asked him trying to hide any possible doubts turning around your heads.

"I'm more than sure about it. To get things straight, I was never okay with the divorce-" he started.

"Me neither, it was your behaviour towards me." You stopped him.

"Let me finish." He gestured his hands on you and let him speak. "I know, I was unfaithful and an asshole, but this time I do want to settle down with you.". His eyes spoke the truth to you and wanted to believe him. You were questioning again what if he becomes what he was like before? What if he cheats on you again?

"Okay." You nodded with your eyes on the floor and then you looked at him again. "This is the last chance. You know it didn't work back then." You whispered and he agreed with you. But now, he wants to fight to gain your trust back.

"What about the rest of your clothes and stuff back at the flat?" He asked.

"I called the furniture mover company. They are willing to move our stuff here on Friday." You answered.

"Oh the sooner the better. Can't wait to live with you again." He pulled you in arms, hugging you tight. "Oh," he pulled away for a second.

"What is it?" You asked confused.

"I didn't have the time to tell you how sexy you look on this tight shirt, did I?" He winked, trying to flirt with you.

"No, you didn't." You laughed at his compliment. "Guess it's your kink?" You asked.

"You are my kink." He winked and kissed you softly. "Now go to my bedroom. Tonight, I want you to wear that dress hanging on my closet." He bit his lip and that feeling again got you again. He always bought you dresses you never asked for. But you gotta admit, this man has taste. In everything.

"You didn't have to, Rog." You said with a soft smile on your lips.

"I chose it for you. I want you to wear it. It's a gift." He said back, trying to not hear any other discourage from you.

"Thank you..." your eyes sparkled and kissed him again before going upstairs to see it. He was spoiling you and he liked that.

Later-----

You dressed in the dress Roger bought you: a blue sapphire satin dress, with a smooth cut on your leg, and your torso. It was flattering your waist, your visible leg and your breasts. It fit you like it was made just for you. Roger knew you really well, he knew your body size and type. He could choose the ideal dress for you without worrying if it's not your colour or the fabric that could flatter you less. You couldn't stop looking yourself at the mirror, it was a dreamy dress, one of the best you've ever worn.

A gentle knock on the door awakened your daydreaming. "May I come in?" It was Roger who obviously wanted to get into his bedroom.

"Sure." You coughed after stepping back from the mirror.

"Holy shit." Roger gasped when he walked in the room. His eyes couldn't be taken away from you. "You are stunning." He came closer to you, checking the dress out. "It looks more beautiful on you than I thought." He smiled at you and twisted you around with his hand.

"You think so?" You asked with a giggle.

"I'm certain." He stared at you for a few seconds before returning back to reality. "So, I dressed Laura for tonight, she's ready. I just have to wear my suit and fix my hair a bit and we're leaving." He walked through his closet to grab one of his thousand ironed tuxedos.

You carefully sat on his desk's chair, crossing your legs and actually noticing you have no shoes to wear. You only had the heels you wear at work. They don't match your dress. "Uh, Roger?" You asked.

"Yes?" He replied while he was taking his clothes off to wear his black tuxedo.

"I, um, only have one pair of shoes here. You know, the heels I wore today." You stood up going closer to him, helping him with buttoning his suit after he wore the pair of trousers. He was carefully watching your movements and then your exposed torso, he was absorbed by your hands and then your pink lips.

"I have a surprise for you Cinderella." He joked around and grabbed his blue tie, ready to wear it around his neck.

"Again?" You looked surprised. "At least let me fix your tie." You tied the tiny fabric carefully as if it was made of porcelain. Moments such as, remind you of some award shows he occasionally took you with. It felt nice fixing each other's clothes and details. It was all so magical, even your thoughts travelled together.

"Y/n?" He asked.

"Mmm?" You absentmindedly returned.

"Remember when we went to the Brits nine years ago? I think it was the first time I asked you to attend an award show with me." He smiled.

"Yes, of course, I do. I was at my first trimester at the time, I was throwing up at the toilet." You laughed.

"You did?" He was shocked at your confession as if he doesn't remember.

"Don't you remember? I was leaving our table all the time." You reminded him.

"I guess I was too focused on winning the best single. I'm sorry in delay." He laughed and his hands found your waist, hugging you warmly.

"Apology accepted. But it didn't matter, I was so happy for you. You were winning the one award after the other, you impregnated me..." you giggled after remembering that night.

"It was planned though." He joked. And now that his tie is fixed, he wore his black suit jacket around and made you sit on the chair you were before. "You think I didn't think of your shoes, Cinderella?" His fingertips teased your leg, after grabbing a box from the drawer.

"Oh don't tell me!" You awed.

He opened the box and inside of it, there was a beautiful pair of black heels, special for a night out. He gently wore the pair on your feet and helped you stand up on your feet. They were really comfortable and easy-to-walk heels. "Thank you!" You kissed him.

"Your welcome." He approached the door and waited for you to go downstairs.

You walked down the stairs and Laura was taken aback by your total figure, she hasn't seen you glowing in happiness. "Wow mum, you're beautiful!" She gasped.

"Thank you! Shall we go?" You asked her and she came closer to you, grabbing your hand.

"Wait for me at my car outside, I'm coming," Roger stated and you did as he said.

-----------------

The car drive was silent, not awkward though. You could feel Roger feeling apprehensive about the diner. He was trying to change all this time. You just didn't let him, until the last two days when you saw him trying to reach you for real and R/N showed red flag signs. Laura knew nothing about him but she'd obviously prefer her father than him.

"Here we are..." Roger broke the long-lasting silence and reduced speed when the fancy restaurant was right opposite you. Flashing lights hurt your eyes when paps noticed Roger's car slowing speed. At least, the windows were non-transparent so Laura couldn't get too distracted.

"Baby, don't look at the flash, it's cameras everywhere." Roger turned to Laura to warn her about the paps. She is aware of having a dad celebrity but thankfully never talks about it to her classmates, let alone brag. "Let me park the car and we're getting out. I'll keep you on my arms until we get at the foyer." He drove a little closer to the parking before you were ready to get out. You haven't felt yourself be taken photos for a long time. It frustrated Roger and you but mostly him because he disliked being papped at his personal moments, let alone when his child is with him. Many were the times when Roger and Laura were papped whenever he was with her on weekends or vacations. "Y/N, cover your eyes as you walk to the entrance door." He advised and then you both opened the car's doors to walk inside. You started walking to get some paps with you so Laura and Roger could walk with ease to the restaurant.

"Y/N, are you getting back with Roger?" Paps started questioning you but you knew you had to stay silent. You never spoke to them. You let Roger do the negotiations. He's the public figure, not you. "What are your statements about today's event at the place you work?" Of course, they'd reported it.

You reached the entrance door and waited for Roger to come to you. He carried Laura on his arms and her face was buried on his neck, trying to not be seen by the cameras. He looked at you with the are you okay look and you nodded until the receptionist opened the glass door for you.

"Have you made a reservation, sir?" The receptionist asked checking the list.

"Yes, it's Taylor." He put Laura down and you all patiently waited.

"Nice, table for three, follow me." He smiled and followed him to the table the reservation was. Next to the window, great. Paps could see you now so you told Laura to sit behind the window so her face couldn't be seen.

"That was crazy out there." He sighed as you all sat down.

"Yes, I internally panicked. Laura are you okay?" You asked your kid when she drank some of the water, the waiter served her.

"Yes, I am." She assured with a smile.

"What will you drink sir?" The waiter turned to Roger.

"A bottle of Chardonnay, we'll need it." He laughed and checked on you.

"Right away, sir." He left and now all three of you started talking.

"So Laura what do you think of tonight's diner?" Roger asked her.

"I didn't expect that. I thought you weren't together anymore..." She declared. "Mum, didn't we expect R/N for diner tonight? What happened," she asked confused.

"Laura um.." You cleared your throat before starting to talk. "I talked with your dad and we thought we should get back together." You started. "How does that sound to you?" You hoped she would be positive about it.

"Really?" She asked and looked both at Roger and you. "Mum, dad, that's wonderful!" She gasped.

"You think so?" Roger asked.

"Yes! I was sad when you were arguing all this time. I just hope it won't be the same anymore. It's lovely when we are under the same roof, I feel we're a family but when you argue, I can't stand it..." She admitted and a wave of guilt took you over. She was witnessing your Homeric arguments all this time, neither said a word, nor burst out crying. She was silent and never complained regardless of how much she missed her dad.

"This time's, going to be alright. We discussed it with your mum and it feels right to be back again. Because hands-off, but we missed each other. That's a fact we can't argue over." Roger laughed at Laura and she was happy to hear it.

"So mum, we're leaving our home?" She asked.

"Yes, we're going to dad's." You smiled at her.

You drank and ate like a proper family. It was a worthy diner and definitely full of surprises. You had no idea. Roger excused himself and stood up from his chair and got down on his knees next to you. Laura lost it at the sight of her dad kneeling to you. Your mouth was wide opened at his body position. People around the restaurant were looking at you now. They probably knew who Roger was and they were all awed at the sight of the hot drummer of Queen getting on knees for you. "Roger, what are you doing?" You gasped with your hands on your mouth.

"Y/N..." He started and took out from his pocket a small red box. You were ready to tear. Laura came closer to you, she had to enjoy the scene. "You're the love of my life." He added and that sent you to heaven and back. "When we were apart, I couldn't find love." His eyes found yours. He was honest and that blue colour of his irises sent you shivers. "That divorce awakened my love for you; I was unfaithful, I know. I was dishonest, I know that too. What I didn't know was that I couldn't live without you. So..." He took a deep breath and revealed a platinum ring with three diamonds on heart shapes. It was beautiful but not as beautiful as Roger's statement. "Y/N, will you marry me again?" His eyes were glowing as his fingers carefully grabbed the ring and wore it around your fourth finger. You stared at him as if he was the most special thing in the world. You then looked at Laura who was crying from happiness.

"Yes, I'll marry you again." You tore as you accepted his proposal and now he let out a relieving smile. Roger stood on his feet again and picked you up, asking for a loving kiss. "I love you." You whispered in his ear, not letting go of his hug.

"I love you too." His hand hugged your entire body, your back was covered by his arms and hands. His eyes caught Laura's who was the happiest kid on earth. She has the chance to see her parents getting married. Again. "I promise I won't be the asshole I was." He confessed to your ear. People at the restaurant couldn't stop applauding and congratulating you two. It was a delirious moment.

3 MONTHS LATER

You and Roger got married two weeks after his proposal at the city's town hall with Freddie and John being witnesses. A little later, The Magic Tour started and your husband had the bright idea to take Laura and you on tour since she was done with school priorities due to summer break. You were hanging out with Queen members and the two other wives. It was a great experience, probably the greatest tour of the band. Laura was the happiest you've ever seen her. You all had some spare time to explore the cities, enjoy each other's company and so on. Needless to say that Roger and you had sex at the early dates of the tour and now you have your period delay for a couple of months. In this time, you vomited a lot and felt dizzy, so a pregnancy test was the answer to all your symptoms. And yes, you were pregnant again on Roger's kid. You felt extremely happy about it and now that you know about your pregnancy, you wanted to share it with him, with your husband.

You were at your hotel room, in Madrid, eating at the balcony some junk food you bought earlier. You heard Roger entering the room, probably alone because Laura was with the other Queen kids.

"Y/N?" He searched for your figure until you answered from out there. "Oh, there you are." He smiled and leaned closer to kiss you. "I thought you were at the pool."

"Well, yeah, I was hungry." You smiled and took another bite.

"Again?" He smirked because he was suspicious about your condition. He has noticed your irregular sleeping and eating schedules and definitely saw you feeling disgusted. "Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked and sat next to you.

"Like what?" You raised your brow, playing around

"Well, I don't know," he moved his shoulders in confusion. "Something personal?" He tried to check you out but you couldn't be seen behind the table you were sitting.

"Come with me." You stood up and caught his hand to follow you inside.

You removed your robe and stayed at your bikini, letting him notice anything different on you. He was way too focused at your belly, trying to notice the tiniest.

"I'm pregnant!" You announced with a huge smile on your face and Roger needed a few seconds to process it.

"P-pregnant?" He asked ready to explode from happiness. "Oh God, I'm gonna be a dad again?" He tore and ran to you hugging you and kissing you.

"Yes! It's been two months, already..." You tore with him and felt happier than ever.

-----1987-----

And somehow, Roger and you stayed together after getting married again. Nine months later, you'd give birth to another blonde baby girl and now that Roger focused on his solo projects, he had more spare time to spend it with his beloved family.

#roger taylor #Roger Meddows Taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #queen #queen band #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x oc #roger taylor x female reader #roger taylor x Y/N #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon

[carreraleigh]

Between Games and Truths

Part 1.

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Lia)

Rating: PG

Words: 1367

A/N: This is the first Ethan x mc story that I wrote and I'm really happy with the result, hope you all like it! And thank you so much again for reading this first @vienroose, you know how much I appreciate your guidance. Love u.

Summary: Ethan and Lia go to the conference in Miami, Lia saves Ramsey from an uncomfortable situation and Ethan doesn't know how much more he can resist his feelings.

Tags: @courtesan-of-garage @the-red-jhon @vienroose @lovehugsandcandy @zig-nazario @client-327 | if you want to be in the tag list just ask.

"Where is she, where is she" Ethan said and checked his wristwatch, impatient "She's five minutes late" he looked at the main entrance, watching people come and go excitedly. He was about to call her again until he received a message.

"I'm here" - Lia.

Ethan put his phone in his pocket and sat down next to the bar, he ordered a drink and continued to scan the crow. The bartender put a glass of whiskey in front of him and Ethan drank it in one gulp, his eyes looking at anyone who was passing by, until a figure blocked his view.

"Ethan Ramsey" he heard his name and payed attention to the girl who was in front of him "I can't believe it" she extended her hand, he hesitated to take it, but finally agreed.

"Sorry, do we know each other?" He said with a forced smile, he was not in the mood to talk, not while Lia hadn't arrived at the conference yet.

"I'm a big fan of yours" the girl moved her hair, trying to expose the great neckline that her dress had, bringing her breasts up. He looked at her for a second, then returned to pay attention to the people who were arriving.

"It's good to know that someone values ​​my work" he said seriously, not paying attention to her "Now, if you'll excuse me" he tried to head for the door, but the girl blocked his path.

"I was thinking we could get to know each other better" the girl put a hand on his chest, he looked at her, surprised at her movement.

"¿And your name is?" he said, annoyed.

"Ashley" she said and winked at him.

"Ashley" he took her by both arms "Look Ashley, I don't know what you want, but whatever you're thinking is not going to happen"

"Why?" She said taking a step forward, trying to shorten the distance between them "Are you waiting for someone special?"

"It's not that..." Ethan was going to speak, but was interrupted by a voice behind him.

"Good evening" the girl said as she cleared her throat.

Ethan turned around and saw her. Damn. Lia wore a tight blue dress, her hair was elegantly pulled back, exposing her neck and collarbone, her eyes and lips were highlighted by the makeup she was wearing, she was smiling warmly, her teeth were extremely white and the shoes she was wearing made her a few inches taller. She had a martini in her hand, holding it with elegance. Ethan didn't take his eyes off her.

"Rookie" he said after a moment, regaining his composure. Lia looked at Ashley, who was standing next to Ethan and looking her up and down. lf looks could kill, Lia would already be ten meters underground.

"Ethan" Lia approached and took Ethan's hand, intertwining his fingers "Who is this girl, love?" she looked at Ashley, who was still looking at her angrily.

"She..." Ethan tried to find the words, but they didn't come out, and he never ran out of words. He remained focused on his hand, feeling how his skin and Lia's were rubbing.

"Ashley" the girl extended her hand in disgust, Lia took it with a smile.

"Nice to meet you, Ashley" the sarcasm could be heard in her voice "I'm Lia, Ethan's girlfriend. What can we do for you?" Lia put her arm behind Ethan, and he automatically did the same. Ashley looked at Ethan, he smiled at her as he pressed Lia closer to his body.

"I just came to say hi" she faked a smile "I'm glad someone has already come to keep him company" she looked at Lia "Excuse me"

Ashley turned around and walked away from them. Lia broke into laughter, delicately covering her mouth. Ethan looked at her again, still not saying anything while she laughed, his face was serious, but his heart was pounding harder than ever. Their eyes met again, and Lia noticed Ethan's serious expression. It was there that when they realized that they were still hugging, Lia stepped to the side, he did the same and cleared his throat.

"You're finally here" he said as he put his hands in his pockets, still staring at her.

"Yes, I'm sorry" she put her martini on the table "I had some problems with my makeup" Lia looked away, embarrassed. Ethan sighed and put his hand on Lia's arm, squeezing her.

"Thank you" he said, and when Lia's eyes met his gaze, he was smiling. He looked at her with an intensity in his eyes that she had never seen, and that made her curious. Ethan had never been someone who showed any kind of feeling in his expressions, he always kept that serious face, the deep look, you never knew what was going on in his mind until he said it, but that look was different.

"I could see from the distance that you needed a little help" she said, pulling back the lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face "I hope it didn't bother you"

Ethan was still looking at her with a smile, and inside he felt something he couldn't explain. Yes, he had seen her many times at work, yes, they had already been alone in a room, but that was the second time he had really admired her, the first time was night they she went to his home to talk about Dr. Banerji. This was different. He noticed for the first time how pretty her brown eyes were, and that she had a small mole next to her right eye, his lips were fleshy and well defined. A thousand images came to his head, and all involved things that he certainly couldn't say in front of all those people. He cleared his throat trying to get those thoughts out of his head.

"Not problem at all" he returned to his serious expression "I'm glad you arrived" he took out his wallet and gave some dollar bills to the bartender

"For the martini" he said.

"Ethan, that's not necessary," she said.

"You've earned it, Rookie." He smiled and offered his arm "¿Shall we?"

Ethan and Lia approached the stage seats, where a person in a suit stood talking into the microphone. Lia could see her name and Ramsey's name in the front seats. The two sat and turned their gaze to the stage. Lia took an agenda from her purse and began to write down what she was hearing.

Ethan looked at her as she wrote frantically in her agenda, trying not to miss any word of what they were listening to. He thought about the first time he had seen her, and how rude he had been with her that time. He was sure that Lia wasn't going to last a week in the hospital, that she was going to leave crying at the first obstacle, but there she was, next to him, taking notes and listening carefully. She was there because she deserved it, because although it was difficult for him to admit aloud, he had to eat back all his words about her. Suddenly he was so eager to hug her, to kiss her, to have her by his side, and he hated that sentiment because he thought it was totally unprofessional. She was a resident, he was the boss, and if anything he had learned from his relationship with Dr. Emery, is that love and work should never be in the same sentence, ever.

¿But why did he still feel his heart speed up every time he looked at her?, ¿Why did he run out of words with a single touch of her skin when she grabbed his hand?

He was losing control, and he didn't know how much he could resist.

"Lia" he said her name, and she turned to look at him. Lia saw how Ethan's eyes shone with the same intensity as a few moments ago. She looked at his lips, which were half open.

"¿Yes?" she said timidly. Ethan stood up abruptly, and without looking at her he straightened his tie and said.

"I need some air" he made his way to the balcony as fast as he could. Lia watched him leave, ¿was it something she had done?, ¿something she had said angered him?, maybe he had been bothered by the scene at the bar. Thousands of doubts crossed her mind at that moment. She let him go, trying to give him space, and her attention went back to the agenda.

Ethan went out to the balcony and, for the first time after hours, he felt relaxed. He sighed in relief and approached the balcony railing, he could see the entire city from there. His heart was still beating fast. "I don't know how much longer I can resist" he said to himself as he looked at the sky, trying to find strength to continue repressing those feelings that threatened to come out.

He stood there for a few moments, losing the notion of space and time, submerged in his thoughts, until a voice called him back to earth.

"Doctor Ramsey" he heard Lia calling him "Doctor Ramsey" her voice felt closer "Doctor Ramsey" he could hear her voice now right behind him.

He closed his eyes, trying to control himself. He felt Lia's hand on his shoulders trying to make him turn around, but he refused.

"¿Is something wrong?" she said, he still didn't look at her "If you feel bad or uncomfortable, we can..."

"Fuck this"

Ethan didn't let Lia finish the sentence.

He kissed her.

#open heart #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #choices #playchoices #pixelberry

[wildstrandsblog]

An Unconditional Love Story: Take Flight, Sisterhood

Issue 2 - May 7, 2021

(Suggested listening)

My original plan after hiring Fernanda to help around the home was for her to work twenty hours a week in the morning time for the first four months after having our third baby, but that idea changed as we approached the end date. I was neither physically or mentally prepared to take on the full breadth of childcare for my three young children, ages three years old and under, and all the homecare, too. Life, however, was offering up a different set of plans for us. After giving Fernanda the greenlight she could stay on indefinitely, she said that may be all the time she had. Her visa was running out and she was having to fly back to Brazil with hopes of getting it renewed. She explained how it was a very rigorous process. She was scared it wouldn’t go through and wasn’t ready to let go of her dream of coming to America fighting back the tears. I wasn't ready to let her go, either. Her love and her light were the best thing keeping my little family afloat. We had no choice, though. She had to go. So in my Christmas shopping I found something that caught my eye, something I thought might be the perfect gift to tell Fernanda how much I thought of her, perhaps something we both needed. It was a necklace with an engraving that read, “Be Brave” on it. She was in tears receiving it with feelings even a little misplaced, unsure of what to do with that kind of encouragement from a near perfect stranger. I’m sure it wasn’t common. I remained stoic, putting all my energy back into the hope that the little message in the necklace would somehow bring Fernanda back to us.

Those four weeks she was gone for me were long and brutal to be without her. It was a hellish Christmas working through my husband’s depression and anxiety which were in need of unhealthy attention and me not strong enough for all of it still. Fernanda, however, got through all her tests with flying colors at the Brazilian Embassy like doors suddenly opened. She even had enough time to go run into the ocean, their summertime, wearing white, the custom for the Brazilian New Year starting things off brand new. I received her back in Virginia with exhalation and praise for getting through all the tough parts. I suppose I silently praised myself, too. I was hopeful for the dawning of new days with my newborn son beginning to sleep through the nights. But the pressure of supporting everyone as the family’s lone caregiver had gotten too much for me. My forearms and hands were feeling like hot irons stuck in a fire. I was barely able to hold a glass of water to my lips, holding on to too much psychological debris like many Empaths. I had no one to pour it into.

“She was holding up the part of the sky I couldn’t, not coming into my space, as I called on the mountains, seas, skies, and all the galaxies combined to support me. It was all I had left getting me through, getting the worst from too many loved ones I had once considered home.”

I poured as much as I could silently into my art and writing but it could only support so much. I went in search of help again, this time through an energy healer and found a woman fifteen years my senior. She was a Yoga Therapist who was the most intuitively-gifted person I’ve ever met and had three children of her own. Through her conversation and massage therapy work to dislodge some of the emotional trauma, I began to see many of the cycles I had been missing. Having written about some of these illuminations in a previous post (see “Pulling The String”), I’ll progress [quickly] through what happened next once I made the choice to surrender and got sent full throttle like a rocket crashing into the sky inside - a three fold process.

With the internal pressure of everything I carried getting greater - caring for three very young children, supporting a depressed and anxious husband with childhood trauma, supporting my own severe childhood trauma, large psychological upheavals within the worlds of loved ones, and even larger unknowns still left for myself from an invisible world continuing to open up my heart and mind and wary not to repeat the same “almost-death” part - by May 2019, I was left with only two choices to release it. It was a pressure so great it had me crying for a full hour and half in the hands of the Yoga Therapist and I could’ve probably cried longer. I kept thinking, “How is she tolerating this?” It was that kind of cry only an unconditionally loving mother could love, moaning, gut-wrenching, curled-up-in-a-ball, body-practically-seizing kind of cry. I was unable to speak though encouraged. The only words I could get out by the end of the session were, “My husband is hurting me.” It was that kind of hurt that can’t be touched, far deeper than any physical wounding. It was wounding from abandonment in my greatest hour of need, a care I had long needed, for me to be loved and to be heard unconditionally, not with questions just expansive listening that only requires a nod to know the person is still engaged. I had loved myself fully and unconditionally already. It was what ferried me through my opening processes and completed my individuation during my spiritual awakenings. I needed more, though. I needed to be seen for how human I was, and am, without feeling I needed to use any superpower to make anyone love my human self, that part of me that has always been drawn to a person and their pain, even a stranger, and never running away. It is the human and the ether in those tears that they have manifested from I have always loved.

My spirit was cracking and I couldn’t put the pieces of a fragmented self and family back together even though I had been trying. Nothing I was doing was helping. Even asking for help from others went disregarded or downplayed, and I was reminded of the voice of my mother who told me as a young child after telling me the story of her assault and rape in a public mall parking lot as well as her own home in front of her two young sons, “It is better to yell ‘fire’ than to call out for help. People run away when you ask for help. They come running when you yell ‘fire.’” Undeniably, I was getting myself to a similar place where my pain had nowhere to go, nowhere to be heard, and I was scared for my safety. My two choices were to go nuclear or get some space. I chose space and called one of my best girlfriends who was happy to put me up for an extended visit over the Memorial Day weekend. I couldn’t have known, though, that even in choosing the more sustainable approach, the Universe only had one set of plans for me and wouldn’t let me go until I saw the entire picture way beyond myself. It needed me to be a witness to the fact that I wasn’t the only human suffering, in desperate need of a universal culture shift and it was calling me up on my best girlfriend’s phone.

I left my home in haste, though clear conscious, kissing my children’s heads and waving goodbye to everyone. A few hours later, I was received into my girlfriend’s home, who I’ll call Lauren, leaving a pool party she had been at with her husband and two friends, another couple, to come be with me. After a long vent-fest and both of us feeling clearer about each of our troubles, no sips even needed from the wine we broke out, Lauren and I headed from her home to go see our alma mater, get some ice cream, and were making plans to head to the beach the following day to play some volleyball with friends. I was in love, totally in the space I was needing. We got diverted almost instantly on our drive with a text from her friend, the other woman from the pool party Lauren had left to be with me, who I’ll call Crystal. Crystal asked Lauren to come back to the townhouse to come pick up her husband, who I’ll call Tom, in a vague text where Crystal wrote how her boyfriend had hit her and Tom was beside himself. When Lauren and I got there, Tom said, “Kayt! Sing me something! You used to be a singer!,” to help get his mind off things. With care, I obliged and began singing the first thing from the library of recent songs I had just been listening to. I pulled out Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust,” like an omen. Tom soon equalized and we all went inside the townhouse to collect the shoes Tom was missing - myself, Lauren, Tom, and Crystal - but something told me not to stray too far from the front door.

It was like a Hollywood film where all three white girls go inside the townhouse with the belligerent, drunk white guy without any reason, but the one thing different was than I had some. The unseen boyfriend off camera, who I’ll call Greg, was back on the scene within ten minutes. Greg walked back into his townhouse hitting me hard on my left shoulder with the front door I was standing in front of. The hit triggered something, remembering how I had just avoided a cataclysmic car collision on the drive down because of a surge of pain coming through my left shoulder that told me veer right, and right then a little sports car peeled out. I jolted as this unknown guy walked by with a strange feeling that said, “He’s got a gun.” I then saw him lunge for the door, his hand swiftly going for the lock. I reacted quickly by putting my left foot in between the door and the door jamb and had it slammed on looking the man square in the eyes. He left me to have it out again with Tom, a continuation from earlier, who was two sheets to the wind. Lauren, myself, and Crystal watched as two alpha males were facing off, ready to finish each other off this time in a drunken rage. I ran out of the townhouse and watched the rest of them stay inside. I was screaming for Lauren to get out of there but she wasn’t going to leave Tom behind. I looked down at my purse and had nothing to help me, no car keys, not even my phone. Do I just watch? I could already see what was going to happen next. I was going to hear and see more fighting, then a flash from gunfire, and a woman screaming. I couldn’t just stand there. I ran back inside the townhouse summoning up my big voice to tell Tom to back down. I was starting to get a response and he began to back away. The other guy, Greg, though, with shadows not keen on stopping, leaned in to raise the fight back up.

I turned to him, a black man with a white girlfriend who he had cruelly thrown down the stairs just hours earlier, was now aiming his sights at me. This was one of the unknowns not given in Crystal’s vague text while Lauren and I were off living carefree. Standing there, now, in the den of an unknown townhouse, I could feel how Greg wanted to believe I was there to help him. He was desperately hurting, fueled with anger as a mistreated black man and military veteran with mental illness whose mother, as well as his best friend, had just died a cruel death from cancer months before and he wasn’t coping. He had nowhere to go, just like me. Nowhere to be heard. He had made a choice that weekend, too, but he was going with nuclear. With racism, domestic violence, mental illness, gun violence, and a ceaseless cycle of blame and denial rampant, it was the inevitability I could no longer elude, darker than dark and beyond twisted. I found myself at the center of the Labyrinth, drawn to the Minotaur that looked more like a human to me with tears he hid.

I could feel how broken Greg was as I was yelling at him to back down. I was now standing inside his pain because he had let me in. He may have even loved me in that moment because someone was finally showing up to be with him in his great hour of need and he wanted to show his appreciation in the same way he had been shown love all these years. With me working to save Tom from annihilation, Greg decided he would now point the intended gun at my head and said “You’re a fucking racist!” and my life flashed. Bang. Episode 1. I felt my mind shift in that moment, in surprise I was able to walk away. It was a flashlight Greg was holding to scare me with his gun was too far away, although none of it I truly knew, it was all still just a feeling. Reality struck on my drive home with Tom while escorting him away from the scene he kept racing back into even after the police were called and Lauren stayed behind with Crystal to give testimony. Tom in anguish revealed to me Greg had pressed a gun against his head, repeating, “Oh my God!,” multiple times in his storytelling, after he had tried to stop Greg from brutally beating his girlfriend in front of him and almost died. Tom continued saying how the world was fucked and we might as well blow it all up. In the end, both men were eventually arrested. And in the alternative ending where my presence wasn’t there taking Lauren away from the pool party, I imagine things may have happened so quickly they might’ve even made it just in time for the 6 o’clock news.

After an explosive first part to the trilogy crashing me into the sky inside, Episode 2 began with the swirling mind of an Empath that got sent through the imaginal realm of time and space of personal traumas, ones I had experienced and further back that were not my own. None of the original pain I was carrying before I left my home that weekend got disposed off. They were all now amplified, carrying Lauren’s, Tom’s, Crystal’s, and Greg’s pain. Lauren, who I had hugged leaving her home the next day, both of us promising not to disconnect, was now avoiding me. I was struggling with the fact she was banging on her bubble, too, but in too much denial about her abuse from her husband’s alcoholism. I wanted to help her. I was also sad she wasn’t loving me the way I needed to be loved, too, even having gone through a shared traumatic experience. I was beginning to attract more negative energy at this point including my husband’s, direct from his childhood trauma. The psychological levies were broken and spilling. I called my husband’s father in a desperate plea for help again to talk his son out of his anger aimed at me. His father handed the phone over and I got told, once more, how I was the one spiraling out of control. I couldn’t deal with hearing it again. I threw the phone down. Not again.

Then out of nowhere we got a call from my father-in-law’s wife who was screaming over a voice message I could hear even through the standard audio of my husband’s phone. My father-in-law was dead, his wife finding him on the floor when she got home just a day and half later after the last words I spoke saying, “I need your help,” not even a week after having the Universal gun pointed at me. We were all in shock. It was an aneurysm with no symptom leading up that would’ve alerted us that took him. I lead my husband through each step of shock turned trauma and stepped up to lead the last rites of passage for my husband’s family through our completely unexpected loss. I had never done anything like that before. I felt called and my husband’s family believed I was the one to do it. Things were moving so fast there were only glimmers of Fernanda during this time. I imagine her watching a fallen woman, gray in skin color, pushing through severe episodes of apathy, still directing like she knew to do, unable to feel anything besides a rollercoaster of sensation, waking up in agony, and being thrown curve balls left and right. My reputation was now up for debate by my family and Lauren who had been talking behind the scenes during all of this. My family, with negative projections of my mother now placed on me, all thought I had gone crazy and were hell bent on fixing the situation. They believed I was out of control. In the midst of it all, Fernanda was there doing exactly what I needed her to be doing. She was holding up the part of the sky I couldn’t, not coming into my space, as I called on the mountains, seas, skies, and all the galaxies combined to support me. It was all I left to get me through, getting the worst from too many loved ones I had once considered home.

[Issue 3 coming May 14th!...]

SNEAK PEEK:

“One could believe that would be the end to the merciless saga, just like I did, but that was just the eye of the storm. Episode 3 still held a second wall to break through which opened up a month later while I lay on my front lawn and police showed up.”

#Spotify #writer #writing #Empath #unconditional #unconditional love #take flight #sisterhood #wildstrands