#i can't even like properly feel bad because i'm always too tired or just. don't have the capacity to feel strong emotions about shit

[woso-dreamzzz]

Heart II

Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader

Summary: You try to recover

You stay in the hospital for nearly two weeks as your new heart gets used to its new home in your body.

Ingrid and Mapi are with you the entire time.

Sometimes, one of them even skips training to come and see you. You're in a special hospital room and they have to wear silly facemasks when they come to visit that makes them look all weird.

They bring you lots of things to play with while you're stuck in bed and all of their friends send you flowers and food to keep you happy. Your caseworker comes in sometimes and she gets Mapi and Ingrid to sign lots of documents and helps them to sign you out of the hospital to take you home.

"Okay," Ingrid says as you all come up in the elevator together," You ready?"

You're wearing a special party hat because Mapi said that you were going to have a little party to celebrate your new heart. You don't really know why getting your new heart means a party but you also know that a party means lots of food and fun so you're happy to go back inside.

A few of Ingrid and Mapi's friends are already in there but you head straight for Patri and Pina because they're holding Bagheera, who's wearing a party hat too.

"Whoa, there," Ingrid says softly, still holding your hand tight like she's scared you're going to wink out of existence," Let's take it slow, alright?"

You frown and shrug. "Okay."

She keeps hold of your hand as you move to greet Bagheera. She mews at you softly, bumping her head against your chest.

"I know," You say," I've got my Santa heart." You look up at Pina and Patri. "Santa got me a new heart for Christmas. It goes boom-boom properly."

"Really?" Patri asks," That's cool. Do you feel better now?"

"Little tired sometimes," You reply, rocking back and forth on your feet," But still good!"

"She's been healing up very well." Ingrid's fingers run through your hair like yours run through Bagheera's. "The doctors are going to do another check next week and then we get to take her out again."

Even though you're out of the hospital now, you're not allowed out of the house for another week just so you can adjust to everything back home again.

"It'll be good to see you at training again," Pina says," We've been missing our little cheerleader."

"And you can join in now!" Patri exclaims and you whip your head over to Ingrid.

"Can I?"

She thinks for a moment. "We'll see," She says," Let's get through next week and then we'll see if you're strong enough to run around."

"Okay." You go back to stroking over Bagheera's fur and adjusting her party hat when she gets annoyed with it. You like Bagheera. You'd never seen a cat in real life before you came to live with Ingrid and Mapi so it's nice to have Bagheera with you now.

You yawn when you're about halfway through the movie Paredes put on and you climb up into Mapi's lap to lay on her. Her big hands rest on your back, gently stroking up and down until you're head feels too heavy for your body and it flops against her.

"She looks much better," Alexia says as she notices that you're out like a light.

"Yeah," Mapi says as she reaches for a blanket to drape around your body," They had her on a ventilator those first few hours after surgery and she looked so bad when they took her in. But...But she's better now, just a little sleepier."

"She just had major surgery," Alexia says," I think she's allowed to be a bit tired. I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did."

Mapi laughs, gently rocking you. "I should put her to bed. I can't imagine those hospital ones were comfy."

Your weeks dissolve into a steady routine after you get your Santa heart. You still have to go to the doctor every week and they do tests on your new heart and they take out the little staples they put in your chest.

Ingrid still sticks to your side and she's always giving you cuddles and kisses. She lets you run around more now that the doctor says it's okay but she still wraps you up nice and warm because you still sometimes have issues with being cold.

A few months after you're declared fully fit, your caseworker comes to visit.

Ingrid lets her in while you've opened your mouth so Mapi can give you your medication. The doctor says that even though your Santa heart is working very well, you'll have to take medicine every day to make sure that your body wants to keep it.

Well, he said lots of big words and complicated stuff but Mapi explained it to you like that when you went to get ice cream after your appointment.

You case worker says hello to you before briefly looking around the house ago and then making you sit down in front of the tv with her. That makes you a bit nervous and you hang on Mapi's hand.

"With Mapi and Ingrid?"

"In a minute," Your caseworker says," I just want to have a little talk with you without them."

Your brow wrinkles. "And Bagheera has to go too?"

"Bagheera can stay," Ingrid promises you, kissing the top of your head and steering Mapi into their bedroom.

You stroke Bagheera's fur rhythmically as you sit in front of your caseworker.

"How are you feeling now?" She asks," With your new heart?"

"Santa got me a good one," You reply," But I've still got to take special medicine."

She writes something down. "And you always take your medicine?"

"Ingrid reminds me," You answer, getting a bit distracted by the way a single ray of sunlight is peaking through the blinds," And Mapi hides it in icing sometimes for when I don't want to take it."

She writes down something more. "That's good. And you like it here, with Ingrid and Mapi?"

The topic of your favourite girls makes you perk up. "They're my most favourite! Mapi is so cool! She's got lots of tattoos. She says that one day, she'll let me draw her one to put on her body."

Your caseworker nods along, her pen moving along the paper. "And what about Ingrid?"

"Ingrid gives me cuddles all the time," You say," And she lets me help make dinner and cookies and she takes me to the park and we go down the slide together."

Your caseworker stops writing and flips her notepad shut. "Do you remember what it means to have a caseworker like me?"

You nod.

"What does it mean?"

"It means that you find adults to look after me because I don't have parents."

Your caseworker nods. "Adults like Ingrid and Mapi," She says," They're fostering you."

You give her a little look. "I know." You don't know why she's talking about that. It makes you feel all weird inside and briefly, you wonder if your Santa heart is going boom-boom wrong like your old one.

"Sometimes," She says," Fostering is more temporary."

You don't like her words. It makes you feel all icky and bad inside. You shake your head. "No," You say," No! Stay here!"

Your caseworker hands you a picture. It's got a little family on it, a mummy and a daddy and two boys who have the same hair colour as you.

"This family doesn't want to foster you," Your caseworker says when you throw the picture on the floor and hold Bagheera close. "They want to adopt you. They think you'd fit in well with them. Like a forever home instead of a foster home."

You shake your head, your bottom lip wobbling. "No...No! Forever home with Ingrid and Mapi!"

Your caseworker sighs deeply, shuffling the picture of the little family back into her folder. "You want to stay here?" She checks," With Ingrid and Mapi?"

"And Bagheera," You say stubbornly," Because this is forever home. Mapi and Ingrid are forever with me and my Santa heart."

"And you don't want to live with this family?" She reaches for the picture again and you turn away.

"Ingrid and Mapi," You say firmly.

"Okay. Let's get Ingrid and Mapi in here."

You're near to tears when they finally come back in and Ingrid pulls you into her arms immediately. You wipe your cheeks dry on her shirt and blindly reach for Mapi.

"Stay," You beg," Stay here. With you."

Mapi whips her head to your caseworker. "We've already begun to file the paperwork!" She hisses," Why would you bring them up to her?"

"I'm just doing my job. I couldn't let her stay here if she didn't want to!"

"Want to stay!" You say, hiding yourself away in Ingrid's neck," Want to stay!"

"You're stressing her out," Ingrid cuts in plainly when it looks like Mapi and your caseworker are going to start yelling," I understand you're doing your checks and you have to get her opinion but she's barely been out of the hospital for a few months and the doctors said that undue stress isn't good for her Santa heart." She strokes a hand over the back of your head. "We've filed the paperwork. She wants to live with us over the other family that expressed interest. We want her here with us."

Your caseworker sighs. She does that a lot. "I can't promise this will stay private. You're public figures. Your papers will be rushed through as soon as possible."

When she leaves, you finally peak out from your hiding place. With big, wet eyes, you look between Ingrid and Mapi. "Stay here?"

"Yes," Mapi says with an air of finality," You're staying here."

#woso x reader #mapi leon x reader #mapi leon #ingrid engen x reader #ingrid engen #woso community #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso

[soap-ify]

soap x fem! reader

soap acts mean with you after he caught you humping your teddy while he was out

wc 1.6k

cw degradation, spanking, p in v, pussy slaps, implied dacryphilia ??, orgasm denial, basically johnny being a meanie who loves mocking your voice (neil reference!!)

notes guys i only uses like little scottish vocab because i'm SCARED to try and write a scottish accent, buy i will surely do it in the future !! just don't wanna butcher it right now.

18+ under cut, mdni.

"johnny! please, i'm so close!"

johnny's voice rang in the bedroom, laced with mockery while he purposely tried to make it high-pitched enough to mimic your voice. a wolfish grin adorned his lips as he watched you struggle on top of your teddy pink, your hips twitching and grinding clumsily, you being bare except that shirt you were wearing — which you had seemingly borrowed from him.

"f-fuck you..." you would sob out, your voice nothing but sweet despite the frustration lingering on it.

it all had started off when johnny had caught you humping on your teddy like the needy little thing you are, loud moans leaving your lips. he had just came back home from buying some groceries, and you just couldn't control your needs for a few hours, could you?

you were an embarrassed mess once you had spotted him from the corner of your eyes as he stood at the door of your shared bedroom, his royal blue eyes watching you in amusement. you were quick to hop off your teddy and cover your botton half with a blanket, cheeks all pink whilst excuses and babbles left your lips. "sorry, johnny... didn't mean to! got so needy i just..." you whined in embarrassment, all frustrated and needy from not reaching your climax, yet somewhat ashamed at the same time for being caught.

"tch, such a naughty lil' lass you are." he clicked his tongue and folded his arms, feigning betrayal as a frustrated pout adorned his lips. "havin' fun all without me?" he grumbled under his breath, taking heavy long steps towards the bed, his eyes darkening up a bit.

"go on. why did ya stop, bonnie? don't want me watchin' you?"

that's how you found yourself back on your cute big teddy, arms slung around the big head as you tried to steady yourself, tired legs trembling whilst your wet, aching cunt rubbed against the teddy's torso, your lips letting out soft whimpers.

"oh, come on. my baby wasn't moaning so quietly earlier." johnny chuckled and playfully delivered a gentle smack on your plush ass, his fingers kneading onto the soft flesh before letting it go, callused hands grabbing your waist and lifting you up your teddy with ease.

he was quick to flip you on your stomach and pin your down on the bed, straddling you from above. "fuckin' naughty lass, can't even fuck the poor teddy properly." he clicked his tongue, feigning frustration as his hands moved from your waist and back to your ass, right hand raising up to deliver a harsh slap that was enough to make you sob and bury your face in the soft plush of the pillows.

"what happened to oh please, johnny! or wanna cum so bad!, eh?" he sneered, using that high pitched voice of his once again. he had this sick habit of always mocking your moans and pleas, loving the way you would hide your face in embarrassment while your eyes would tear. you didn't mind it tho, did you? it was all fun, and in the end, he loved you too much to actually hurt your feelings.

"sorry... just want you so bad, can't think anymore..." you would babble in between your sniffles, head turning back a bit to look at him with those teary eyes of yours that were enough to make him melt internally.

"poor baby." he cooed, leaning down to press soft kisses on the back of your neck, your brain going all mushy at the sudden affection. "can't do it on your own, mmh? only need your johnny's cock, right?" he whispered lovingly, that familiar condescending tone lacing his words, making your hips twitch in his grasp.

you were such a mess right now, your ass stinging from the slaps whilst your cunt was a big wet mess, thighs quivering in need while tears streaked your cheeks, your hands grasping onto your teddy and pulling it next to you so you could cuddle it. "please, johnny..." you sobbed quietly, squirming impatiently beneath his weight.

johnny rolled his eyes, pretending to be exhausted of your pleas as he gripped your waist and flipped you on your back, eliciting a surprised squeek from your lips. "actin' like a bitch in heat." he clicked his tongue, his hand quick to snake down to palm your slippery cunt, his thumb pressing down on your clit. his cock was throbbing in his jeans, aching to be free though he resisted the urge, for now.

his fingers would gently dip into your folds to collect the slick precum, slowly spreading it all over your cunty. he was just filthy like that, loved painting everything in your slick. just as you thought he was going to be gentle and take care of you, his raised his hand to gently slap your needy cunt, causing you to squirm in surprise, thick tears rolling down your cheeks.

"this is what you get for not being good and touching yourself without me, m'eudail." he growled in your ear, royal blue eyes flicking up and down your splayed out body — taking in the sight of your tear-streaked face and messy hair, the shirt - his shirt that you were wearing now all hiked up to reveal your tummy, your spread out legs and your flushed cunt. such a messy thing, all for him.

"s'okay, bonnie. gonna make you feel so good that you will forget 'bout anythin' else that could give you pleasure." he grinned cheekily, hands impatiently undoing his jeans, tugging him down alongside his boxers to reveal his cock — a nice length of 7.5 inches, curved and uncut, and oh fuck was it girthy.

his hands would guide your knees to press up against your chest, your hands immedietly supporting your thighs, cheeks flushed in embarrassment while your whole cunt was in full display. "fuckin' gorgeous." he hissed, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your pouty lips before he pulled back and pressed the raging swollen tip of his cock against the entrance of your heat, causing you to gasp and tense up.

"ssh, relax. s'gonna feel so good." he whispered gently, a stark contrast from his earlier mean behavior. he would press kisses on your temple to calm you down, a shy smile forming on your lips as your sniffled, a shaky sigh leaving your lips.

"i love you..." you mumbled out softly, your hands holding onto the back of your thighs tight whilst your teddy was still snugged by your side. johnny would slowly slide his cock into your cunt, feeling your walls instantly tightening around his girth. despite his earlier actions of degrading you, he was very gentle when he was pushing himself in, not wanting to cause any wounds. all sweet, just for you.

"i love you too, lass." he grunted out, hands moving from your knees before he pressed both elbows of his above your shoulders, caging you. "fuck... just like that. so perfect f'me..." he groaned into your ear, face nuzzling into your neck while you felt his stubble tickling your sweaty skin. once his cock was all snug cozy inside your warm, comfy cunt, he began to slowly thrust in and out, hips move in an experienced manner. you both were quite the noisy onea, him grunting and groaning in your ears while you were whimpering and moaning in his ears, your eyes fluterring ship whilst your legs were wide spread. this position made his public hair grind against your clit, causing you to twitch in pleasure.

your ass was all red from his earlier smacks, all marked up by him. no damn teddy could make you cum, only him. was he really being fussy over a teddy? yes. but he couldn't help it! you were only his. his eyes would send glares to the teddy besides you before they focused back on your face, watching your brows knit in pure pleasure as his cock hit the spongy spots inside you, slamming against your cervix whilst stretching your cute cunt out — creating a nice mix of pain and pleasure that you just loved.

his pelvis continued to grind against your throbbing clit whilst his cock fastened up its pace, ramming into your cunt. your legs trembled with each deep thrust while he practically fucked your brain out, your leaking cunt tightening around him. "need to cum, please...!" you sobbed out, feeling the familiar knots tightening up in your stomach.

as soon as you were about to reach your orgasm, johnny stilled inside your cunt, slowly pulling out. you whined in surprise, teary eyes widening in disbelief as you saw a familiar mean grin forming on his lips once again, panting softing. "heh, not so fast, bonnie." he breathed out heavily, his hand giving his throbbing cock a few more strokes before thick strings of cum oozed out of his cock, spraying over your tummy and thighs.

you could only stay still and cry softly while your mean boyfriend denied you your orgasm while cumming all over you, a hoarse chuckle leaving his lips.

"bad lasses don't get to cum. now why don't you beg in that cute whiny voice of yours, eh? then i might reconsider."

#soap brainrot tonight #guys its like 3 am i cant #when neil ellice does that girly voice to mimic the fans... OH GOD. #mean soap truther #johnny soap mactavish #soap mactavish #soap x reader #johnny soap mactavish x reader #soap mactavish x reader #cod x reader #call of duty #mw2 #soap mw2 #cod smut #rurufic

[heard-nsfw-is-back]

When the 141 + König try to get your attention.

They'll have extra bandaids, hair scrunchies, socks, and ammo for your favorite guns. Anything you could possibly need as an emergency that you might not get easily. They carry around hygiene products for you too if you need. "Dammit I need." Bam immediately in your hand. "Oh I should have taken extra." Don't worry about it they gave enough for a month. Have an illness or need medication they have the supplies you need on hand always. You're tired and can't sleep because you have watch? Oops your shift has been covered, go get some rest.

Ghost:

You've noticed it eventually. He's always got whatever you need and soon it becomes so regular that you're just subconsciously turning to him when you need something. He's always got it too. Without fail. It's not till Price, smug as fly shit, tells you Ghost is covering your night shift that you make the decision to confront him. In the military a man doing you favors could mean anything positive or negative but it could definitely be used against you. You find him and sidled up next to his side. "What are you doing?" You ask eventually. He grunts, pretending to be confused. "You're always doing me favors on the field and now you're taking my watch. What do you want?" He looks down at you. "Don't want anything." His sentence feels incomplete and you just glare up at him. A sigh and then, "Alright I do want something." Ice crawls through your stomach. You had hoped it was just him trying to make you feel comfortable in the group but no, there was a string. You look out to the range and track in your base. "Name it." You bite the words, trying to shove as much terror as you can in to your sentence. "Go to dinner with me." A beat, you inhale, another beat and you decide whether or not this counts as harassment. "You've been doing this to...get me to go on a date?" Trying to make the situation clear from your perspective. "Can't really flirt to save your life, the only way I knew what to do. I'll still do it. I just want you. You're a damn good soldier and an asset to the team. And you leave your work out of the base. The team likes you." He tilts your head back to him, as gently as anything. "I like you."

You loved your dinner and plan more date nights.

Soap

With Johnny it was harder to figure out if something was going on. He was always carrying extra things for the team. Ammo, meds, clothes, whatever. It's not until you get a smoke grenade to the face and you have to rip your contacts out to flush your face properly that you don't have extra, and your goggles that have your prescription is in your room. Keeping the pillows company. "Fuck all this." You're basically blind without them and there's no way you can fake it till you're back to base. It was stupid and careless. Price was going to have a field day with this after he reams you for an hour at least. "You alright?" Soap slumped down next to your still prone body. "No it's dumb I left my glasses and contacts. I'm going to have to evac. Or just wait." Soap laughs and you're about to get mad before he pulls out goggles for you. It's your old script but it's not too bad. You make it back to base with nothing more than a headache from your aching eyes. There's no reason he should have your old glasses. In fact, it's made you start to question how he always knows where you leave your things. He's genuinely nice and not in a bad way, even Ghost is gentle around him. Still, you need to talk, cause that's weird. Looking around you find him and you ask him to follow you in to the conference room. He does, glancing at you in confusion. You keep your face neutral and when the two of you sit down he's relaxed but nervous. "Everything alright?" "No not really, why do you have my old glasses? Pretty sure I threw those out, plus it's weird that you always know where I lose things." You lay out your concerns and his shoulders drop. "One, yes I notice where you lose things but you're always losing things and it makes you frustrated. So I've just been making sure to pay attention when you put something down or when you drop something. Two, you did throw them out but I had an extra from when your glasses once on a mission. So I've always kept one just in case. I'm sorry I made you unsettled. I really meant no harm. Plus I, wait no, sorry not the time." He waves his hand. "No no go on it's ok." You feel comfortable again and willing to go back to how it was before and hopefully set boundaries better for yourself. He leans forward. "I like you. I've been trying to get you to look at me, actually look at me." You feel your face go hot. "Dinner, maybe? Or something?" He continues, trying not to laugh at your agape expression.

You have dinner and a movie and happily wonder what your next date will be

Gaz

You were so focused on getting your exercise this morning done before it got too busy that you missed the breakfast call. 'Dammit!' There was no way it wasn't packed with people now. All the good food would be taken and you are not going to touch those breakfast bars, more crumb than food honestly. You make your way to your room, hoping that you would have something in your stash of snacks. As you comb through your drawers you find a single bag of popcorn. You had been meaning to go up to the shops and restock but you've been so busy or do tired lately. And now your stomach was growling. Great. You finished your popcorn on the way to the mess hall. The line was long but you slide in and wait. "Hey morning." Gaz bumps your shoulder friendly. "Hey!" You smile, he was always nice to you, and welcomed you to the group easily. "Got your favorites already don't worry about the line." He points over where the 141 was sat and a plate in front of an empty chair. You frown, "Yeah those are my favorites? How did you?" Gaz scoffs. "You eat like the same 6 things it's not hard to remember." Actually now that you think about it, he always makes sure you had your favorite food. Even if he for sure had to go out of his way. He looks over to your concerned face. "Hey you ok?" "No that's really weird. But thank you I think." You pick up your plate and go back to your room. It's too loud and the sound of other people chewing makes you want to scream today. Gaz followed you. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." You sigh and stop. "I'm good at what I do except this. Let me start over. You, me, dinner?" He asks and you look over to him. Before you can stop it a smile creeps over your face. "You were flirting?" He laughs, sheepish. "Badly, obviously." You shake your head, still smiling. "Ok you know what? Dinner sounds nice."

You both enjoy dinner so much that you end up taking all your meals alone together. It becomes so commonplace that Price sends those fold away tables to your rooms.

Price

You were new and the transition from your old squad to the 141 was strange. The base was private, secluded and unfortunately for you the nearest stores were about 15 miles away. It made shopping for hygiene products so annoying so you had to stock up. Until you had been gone for two months on a mission and you came back smelling awful and you had been run ragged and all you wanted was a shower and maybe a two week nap. You walked up to the base and Price walked out. "Good to see you, welcome back." "Good to be back Sir. I'll feel better after I get settled." He laughed and walked you in. "We had a bit of a move around. Your room was moved." Nervous now you followed him. "Something happen?" Shaking his head, Price lead you to a new door. "I should have had this done before but it turns out there's no real way to get plumbing to where your room was so we moved you here." You walked in and your things had been carefully moved. Wait. "Plumbing?" "Built you your own bathroom. Little bit of your own space." "I don't understand. I was fine with the one we already had." You looked under the sink and there was one more box of pads and tampons you absolutely were sure you didn't buy. That was creepy. "Let me know when you need new ones by the way I'll put in the order." Your head was screaming danger. No man in his position of power would just do that for no reason. Danger. No one would build a bathroom for one person and get the exact private things you would usually get. Danger. Slowly you stood up. Option One, get a hold of someone above Price and get out of here quickly and quietly Option Two be nice and grateful, (which you are Ghost and Soap are big fans of bathroom sex and any chance to not see that again was fantastic), but see if you can get out of this room without him noticing you freaking out. "What's wrong?" He asked, noticing your tension. Fuck, option one then. "It's kind of weird you know my order and the things I get. You also built me this. Captain, you have to know how this looks." You turn and face him. He looks at you and the gears start to turn. "Oh shit. No it's not like that I completely understand. I'm just trying to make you feel at ease. Give you your own space. Also your products are coming out of the squad budget so it's not any string I had to pull. I only noticed what they were when it was being packed away." You really think about it. Mull it over and over and slowly nod. "Then.. thank you Captain. I do appreciate it. It's so nice." Your own bathroom. You would have killed for this in your old squad. "Just want to take off my favorite girl." There he goes again. The easy banter. "I thought it was no big deal." You tease. "If I wasn't your favorite girl then you wouldn't do this?" He chuckles. "No I would. I wouldn't have any ideas about what goes on in this shower but I would still make it happen." "What kind of ideas?" You lean on the doorframe and he takes a few steps to you. "Let me show you."

You must have been in there a while because when you both make your way to the kitchen Ghost and Johnny are sitting around looking vaguely impatient. "Thank fuck." Ghost sighs and Johnny laughs. "Finally done? Thought you'd never finish."

König

You and König are good friends coming in at the same time, the two of you bond over trying to figure out your place in the squad. He's got your back and you've got his. When you get stuck in rain or fall in to water puddles too deep and they seep through your boots, he always has an extra pair of socks with him. Or a shirt when you need to rip one for an impromptu bandage. But it's especially odd when he happens to have a belt that is your size that you use to hold up a gun you swipped off an enemy body. "We're gonna talk about this when we get back." You tell him, matter of factly. And you do. You come up to his room and he let's you in. His body language is tense and he's actively making himself look as small and non-threatening as is physically impossible. "You always have spare clothes for me. You always have a hair tie or like today with a belt that I checked and is my size. It certainly isn't yours. So what's going on?" He slumps, and admits that he just wants to take care of you. "I'm not sure why I picked that but. For me it's strange I have to order my clothes or make them so I always like to make sure that you have clothes? I think. I'm not sure what I mean." He stands up and your eyes follow his. "I'm sorry my dear for upsetting you." You scoff and wave him off. "It's not weird you didn't upset me. Besides I think it's kind of cute that's how you show you care." König runs his hand over yours. "I do care. A lot. So much it drives me mad sometimes." He leans down, your head straining back, baring your neck to him. "Show me." You plead. "Not yet. I'm told I need to wine and dine before indulging, no?" You can see his eyes crinkle in mirth and damn if that isn't cute and hot at the same time.

"Ok I'm dined, I'm wined. Can we indulge now?" His laugh, deep and warm, is a balm and a flame at the same time.

Can you tell König is my favorite? None of this is healthy btw. I'm walking through the factory where they make the red flags and I'm asking for the gift shop and menu anyway. I need an exorcism.

Edit: can't believe I forgot Kyle. Ugh. Sorry for the late addition folx

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #john price #könig #könig x y/n #ghost x reader #soap x reader #könig x reader #price x reader #ghost x y/n #kyle gaz garrick #kyle x reader

[grandlinedreams]

what about ace waking in the night with you sobbing quietly in his arms, still trying to deal with the fact that he is here, with you, despite the marine ford incident? idk but just the idea of being so emotionally overwhelmed after seeing your partner almost die, and then him trying to comfort you warms my heart <33

PLEASE yes i can I was in my ace feelings today :')

[Heads up!: mention of Marineford, hurt/comfort]

"Thank-you for loving me."

You wake with a sharp inhale, cheeks wet and lips parted around a silent scream of Ace's name. It takes a long moment for you to register where you are, the room dark save for the spill of moonlight through the window.

You're not alone, either ㅡ there's a familiar set of arms wound around your waist, anchoring you to a body that always runs far warmer than your own.

Ace.

You stare at his face, relaxed in sleep ㅡ unaware that you've been woken from another nightmare about his death. A death narrowly avoided ㅡ you trace unbroken skin, shuddering at what could have been. He'd gotten lucky. He's here, alive, safe.

And yet you can't stop crying. You try to stay quiet, keep the shuddering hiccups soft ㅡ but either you're louder than you think or Ace isn't sleeping as well as he says he does, because he stirs.

"That nightmare again?" He asks softly, heart aching at the shine of tears on your cheeks, wondering how long you've been awake. You nod, reaching up to scrub at your eyes.

"I'm sorry," you mumble, voice wobbling. "I woke you up."

"Shh," Ace soothes, moving to tuck you further against him, humming as you cling to him. "It's okay. You're okay, I've got you."

Ace lets you cry. He hates it, hates that you're hurting like this ㅡ but he lets you cry until you have nothing left, rubbing your back as you shudder.

"It was just a bad dream, okay?" He kisses your shoulder, murmuring against your skin. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"You don't know that," you protest weakly, even as you cling to him as tight as you can.

"No," Ace admits softly, adjusting enough to kiss your cheek, then your temple. "But we'll take it day by day, okay? We can do that."

You pull away enough to look at him properly, and his heart twinges at how tired you look. "I'm scared, Ace."

"Me too." He kisses your forehead. "We can be scared together." His lips ghost along the bridge of your nose. "But as I said, we take it day by day, step by step. Let's start by getting some sleep, okay?"

"Okay." Your voice is soft, a barely there whisper. But it's still an answer, and Ace rewards you with a proper kiss, soft and slow. "What if I have that nightmare again?"

"Then I'll be here to help you feel better," Ace answers, cuddling you him, bodies slotted together like puzzle pieces. "I'll be here for as long as I can, for as long as you want me."

#ㅡmine. #one piece x reader #one piece scenario #ace x reader #portgas d ace x reader #ㅡanswered. #anonymous #–ml: ace. #welp im sad now time for bed #but also manifesting more ace requests

[willowser]

ma’am i only found your blog yesterday but your ex hubby bakugo got me in a trance, and i hsjsksksksksk, but ill present you: ‘drunk ex husband bakugo’ i- i mean he would be so silly and calls you at 1am to tell you how much he loves you and the little one and how much he misses you, babbles away all the nonsense else, but the way he murmurs and mumbles silly things on the phone got you giggle at midnight (and sad at the time because holy hell you miss him too), then you have to talk him out of it to go home and sleep, he listens, he goes home, yeah, and 10 minutes later he shows up at your front door (still hella woozy) because he is just that stupidly drunk and he has always wanted to go home to you :((

ANON ??? OUCH ????? THIS MAKES ME SAD AKFJSODHAIA

i've always wanted to do drunk ex-whathaveyou bakugou that shows up at your door too late 🥺 but in this instance !! i feel like. you get a few calls in the middle of the night, but they're very short ?? like you wake up to your phone ringing and it's his number, so you're reaching for it, but it stops before you can answer. and you're thinking, "darn i must have slept through the first few rings," and as you're typing out a text to check in with him, he calls again for like two rings, and then it stops. and then he calls and it rings for one and then it stops.

and so now you're like — okay maybe he's butt-dialing me LOL but he tries again like 20 minutes later and you're so tired of the ring-tone that you answer it as fast as you can and just listen, waiting to see if you can hear his voice distantly, as if you're down in his back-pocket.

but he grumbles, "—the fuck? hello?"

and you ask him, "uh hey, have you been trying to call me?" but you're almost certain he doesn't hear you, because half-way through you are able to hear the loud background music and then the sound of shuffling, his grumpy lil "—the fuck off me, 'm—shut th'hell up—'m on the DAMN PHONE!"

clearly, there's a struggle, so you just kind of wait, worried you're about to hear your ex-husband get nerfed while on patrol maybe ?? but then the music drops away and is replaced by a barely-there scratchy wind, and he's breathless when he asks if you're still there.

"yeah, no, i'm still here. is...everything okay?"

he huffs, so heavy into the phone that the static almost hurts your ears. "whadda'you think?"

it's bitter enough that you blink in the darkness of your room, before glaring at the opposite wall. "excuse me?"

"fuck, 'm sorry, i—fuck." he inhales audibly, stuttering. "i'm sorry."

you frown, head turning; he sounds lazy, like he can't be assed to speak properly, and he's speaks impolitely on the regular — but it's never this bad. all his words sound curved, looped together, and he's shuffling too much on the other end, sniffing loud and mumbling to himself. almost like he's—

"are you...drunk?"

you're expecting an immediate no, even if evidence is proving otherwise, because he's not a drinker. occasionally, when he's out for dinner or at one of kirishima's backyard barbecues, but it's so infrequent that his tolerance is low, for someone of his size. it doesn't take much to have him a little sloshed, and he hates it, not only for the feeling the day after, but because his mouth tends to run. more than usual.

"it's that fuckin'—dunce head ass 'n his—stupid piano teeth, tape-face—"

kaminari and sero, you think. you think.

"'n i didn't want to fuckin' come to shit like this, ever. because they're so 'blah fuckin' blah, get over yourself', as if i'm—whatever. dumbasses." he pauses, and before you can finish piecing together what he's trying to say, he continues. "'n i'm not even like them, because they're fucking losers, and i don't—i don't even want that chick's number, okay? i don't fuckin' care, okay?"

your heart throbs dangerously, suddenly swollen and too tender, at the very thought of him and someone else, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut tight. "bakugou—"

"bakugou?" he cuts you off loudly, offended. "'r'you fuckin'—sorry, shit. bakugou? you're a goddamn bakugou—"

you have the throw the blankets off your lap so that you can hurry to your bedroom door, to shut it before hissing at him. "i'm not gonna sit here and get cussed out, katsuki. we're divorced."

"sorry! fuck, i'm—i mean—sorry, sorry. 'm not—it ain't at you, y'know? you know that, right?"

and you do. you do know that. it's just how he talks, he would tell you, and he would cut down on it for a little while before it inevitably came back and — it just hurts, at times. to be on the receiving end of his hottest flame.

"yeah," you tell him quietly, leaning against the door when he sighs. "yeah, i know."

"she—" he groans, deep and frustrated. "she fuckin'—god, sorry. she did that t'me all th'time, y'know? 'cut the fuckin' attitude, katsuki,' 'n then fuckin' SMACK!" you can hear the sharp sound of his slap, metallic, like he's against a lamp post or something. "but then she's comin' up t'my room, all like, 'y'know i love you' 'n—how 'm i suppos' t'know that stuff?"

he's never really spoken about his childhood; his parents, yes, through comments here and there about how they irritated him, but nothing serious. you've seen firsthand how tumultuous his relationship with his mother is, and she still smacks him around, but he's big now, much bigger than she is; you never considered what it was like for him, when he was younger.

even if he is drunk, even if he won't remember tomorrow — you still want to be there for him.

you realize he's waiting for an answer, with how long he's quiet, and you shrug to yourself before gently saying, "i don't know, katsuki. it sounds like it would have been very confusing."

"yeah, i mean—" he exhales slowly, though the end trails off into a growl, as if he's grown frustrated again. "i would never fuckin' hit you."

"i know that, katsuki, and i've never thought you would. and i would never hit you, either, y'know?"

"yeah," he repeats, and you can hear him swallowing, the sound so thick that you think he might choke. "i'd never hit you, or—or—hey, where is he? i wanna talk to 'im."

at the mention of your son, you peek down the hall to make sure his door isn't open, that he's not snooping around like you've caught him doing lately — but it's still mostly closed, and you don't hear any little feet against the hardwood.

you squint at your phone, blinded momentarily at the blue-light as you check the time. "it's the middle of the night, katsuki, he's asleep."

"did he have a good day?"

"yeah, he—"

"tell me about it. tell me th-the whole thing."

and — you do, as he listens and grunts and murmurs little things you don't catch. occasionally, he'll groan, really quiet like he's trying not to cry, and it's after the third time he asks to speak to him again that you finally decide to call him an uber.

and you put in his home address !!! but not thirty minutes later, you are sort of roused out of sleep because he's lightly knocking on your door, in the middle of the night, and you have to get up and go check so he doesn't wake your son up !!!!

and he's probably a MESS, all red-faced and SAD, rubbing at his eyes, almost tripping into your house because he was leaning against the door. it's not even worth arguing about getting him to his actual home because it's late and he's being a little loud, so you just give him some water and make him lay down on the couch and — he's out like a light right away LOL

but. you wake up a few hours later to him laying in your bed, on top of the blankets, his pants are on the floor but his shirt and jacket are still on LOL and he's not quite touching you, but if you jostle even a little bit, his face will press into your back 🥺 you don't know when he got up and came into your room, but he was sober enough to be quiet about it, and when you wake up in the morning, he's already re-dressed and sitting with your son at the kitchen table 🥺

WAAAAHHH i made this so sad. i'm so sorry akjfajfajaljfa he's such a BABY !!! god help me, bc if it really was me, i would take him back in a heartbeat LOL

#he looks like shit — well as shitty as someone as beautiful as him could possibly look LOL #and he's clearly so hungover but your son is eating breakfast and bouncing in his seat bc his dad is here 🥺 #and kiri eventually shows up to get him and bakugou just awkwardly apologizes and promises he's never drinking again LMAOO #cw children #✿ willow writes #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: dad bakugou #✿ theme: ex husband bakugou

[bonny-kookoo]

Thank you for all the new stories! Can’t wait for every drop!

I didn’t forget about into the wild 😭 I miss it so much! What happens if MC wakes up in the middle of the night because idk due to some voices outside or the heavy rain and gets scared and seeks out Jungkook?

You're not used to this. Something is making you terribly anxious.

You're alone in Jungkook's cabin, trying to sleep- but there's no way you can find any rest with the storm outside forcing the rain against the windows, wind throwing itself around the wooden home. It's weird- because you feel terribly tired, but you can't fall asleep.

Something's.. missing.

Jungkook moves in his bed, and you hear it way too loudly in your ears, as if your senses have sharpened. He's sitting up now, and you can spot the faint glow of his eyes in the darkness as you poke your head over the back of the sofa. "Everything okay?" He wonders quietly, voice a bit raspy. He must've fallen asleep already. How come he woke up?

"Just.. odd." You admit. "It's fine." You reassure, because honestly, you don't want him to feel obligated to help you fall asleep. He wouldn't be able to help anyways, now that you think about it. What was he supposed to do? Sing you a lullaby like you're some child?

"The storm's quite bad." He chuckles, getting up now to walk closer, taking his.. blanket with him? "And it's a bit cold, too." He mumbles, sitting down next to you on the couch. His blanket over his shoulders had his scent, and it's oddly soothing to you.

"Is it.. always this bad up here?" You wonder, and Jungkook shrugs.

"Maybe? I grew up here, so I'm used to it." He explains. "We build the.. houses, in very specific spots. Where the wind catches in the trees and such, so it's safer long-term." He explains. "So, don't worry about that. I've put a lot of effort into this home, it's made to last." He proudly explains.

"Are you like.. self-substaining?" You wonder, but Jungkook shakes his head.

"No, most of us work from home remotely because of regulations. I'm the only one together with another packmate that works in the city." He explains, moving his legs up to rest on the couch as he becomes more relaxed next to you. "I work at a gym as a fitness coach." He shrugs. You nod.

"It.. you look like it." You say. He smiles.

"I take that as a compliment." He wiggles his brows playfully, before you laugh as well, eyes becoming heavy. He watches you, a knowing glimmer in his eyes as he helps you lay back down, moving around for a bit to put some blankets in front of the couch you're sleeping on.

"What're.. you doing?" You slur sleepily, and he just chuckles.

"It's called guarding." He offers as an explanation as he builds his little sleeping spot. "We usually.. do it for those who feel unsafe. Like pups, or packmates who are sick." He shrugs, before he lays down.

"...but I'm neither?" You wonder, and he laughs softly to himself, laying down.

Not giving you an answer, because you're already fast asleep before he can even properly lay down himself.

#bts imagine #bts fic #bts fanfic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #hybrid imagine #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #werewolf jungkook #werewolf bangtan

[fairypowerful]

Before I begin, I just wanna throw these out:

• “ ‘Missing out on love’ isn't something that matters as much when your society isn't amatonormative.”

• “When the world around you doesn't emphasize marriage and romance and all that, then wouldn't you view cultures that do as a tad odd? Not weird in a bad way, just different.”

• “[…] People cannot fathom the concept that other people might experience romantic attraction, and do so intensely, and yet value something else above romance.”

• You just don’t have those feelings of “I need romance, I need marriage” when your society isn’t broken by being amatonormativity. You just don’t have those feelings when you’re already fulfilled in a community. You just don’t have those feelings when you have a purpose in life.

• “Call me crazy, but I know for a fact that I would not want a romantic relationship if I was a Jedi […] […] […] I honestly don't understand the assumption that ‘the Jedi are miserable because they can't get married,’ I really don't.”

• There’s romance and marriage in every single media and literature, so why should it be inserted into a fictional monastic culture? If you don’t think entire groups of people could choose to have no romantic commitments their entire life, then there’s over a thousand-year nonfictional accounts of monks and nuns and priests choosing to live a single life in an environment that, too, forbids them from romantic commitments, and they lived in contentment and peace.

————————————————

I wanted to show all that first, like a little preview, because this post is not only about why the Jedi are not wrong for disallowing romantic commitments and marriage, but it’s also about amatonormativity which has always been an enormous problem in the real world, and it clearly impacts how people view communities like the Jedi within fiction.

———

“So why can't Jedi marry? The Jedi believe that children and spouses deserve complete attention. They believe that people deserve present parents and involved partners. Being a Jedi isn't a job. It's a lifestyle. How dare they preach compassion and fairness and justice whilst leaving some abandoned child somewhere? How dare they teach kindness and love and self sacrifice while having a neglected spouse?” — @popupguidetothegalaxy (original post here)

This right here! It wouldn’t stop the criticisms within that part of the fandom, it’d just redirect it to a different one.

Even if the Jedi did marry and have families, y’all (Jedi antis) would then criticize the Jedi for prioritizing the galaxy (which is literally their vocation, their aspiration, and their lifestyle) over their spouses and children.

On top of their daily galactic duties that « take them away from the temple on assignments or missions, away from the planet that temple is located on, and always on the move interstellar-wise » ,,, antis think the Jedi should/could be able to marry and raise a family properly with zero neglect of either spouse and child?

Forget about being burnt out like a nurse in a severely understaffed hospital, it’s just simply an impossible commitment!

———

I watched “Tiger Cruise” rather recently, because it’s one of those Disney movies I never watched growing up, and one conversation in the movie puts this into even more perspective – because the teenaged main character is sick & tired of always only seeing her Navy commander father for a few weeks every few months, begging him to quit the Navy and come home for good.

Maddie: Dad, when are you coming home?

Commander Dolan: What do you mean? We're gonna be docking on Friday.

Maddie: No, I mean… When are you coming home for good?

Commander Dolan: Is that why you came on board? To ask me that? [pause] Look, this is my job.

Maddie: Then get a new one. You've got the degrees, you can do like anything you want.

Commander Dolan: This is what I do.

Maddie: [pause] Must be nice .. travel all over the world, no responsibilities.

Commander Dolan: I'm responsible to a lot of people.

Maddie: To strangers, Dad. What about us? [pause] We’re strangers too. We move all over the place, see you for a few weeks every four or five months, or whenever the Navy says it's okay.

Commander Dolan: The Navy is a way of life. I mean, you go into it and you know the sacrifices you have to make.

Maddie: Well, you’ve done it for my entire life.

Seriously, is this what Jedi antis want? It’s misery, and not necessarily on the parent’s part — he’s HAPPY and LOVES his job. He has the degrees to do anything he wants, as Maddie pointed out, but he doesn’t leave the Navy. It’s the same with the Jedi, as they have the best education and biggest library in the galaxies. And yet…

(some Jedi-Critical) and Anti-Jedi fans think the Jedi are miserable and why the Order is “wrong” for disallowing it [which is just projecting their subjective view of “what a fulfilling life is supposed to look like” onto a monastic people who value and find fulfillment in something other than romance], but it would actually be miserable if they did have families.

Pushing aside the fact that the Jedi are a monastic (and not only martial) organization, there’s a legit reason for disallowing marriage and committed relationships. It’s not fun and games. You can’t combine two enormous commitments and think you can handle it without neglecting the other. There’s no such thing as a part-time Jedi, it’s not a job title!

Jedi are able to leave the Order peacefully, they aren’t forced to stay, but on this specific topic, you just don’t have those feelings of « I need romance, I need marriage » when your society isn’t broken by being amatonormativity. You just don’t have those feelings when you’re already fulfilled in a community. You just don’t have those feelings when you have a purpose in life.

How dare they be happy and fulfilled by being Jedi? How dare they show their commitment to the Order by making the active and daily choice to be Jedi, when they could leave any time? How dare they stick their middle finger up at the no-romance/no-marriage rule? How dare the Jedi not conform to the “education → graduation → relationship → engagement → wedding → 2 kids and a dog” trajectory that only an amatonormative society expects of you? How dare the Jedi be monastic and live like it too?

———

(Words belong to @phoenixyfriend)

• “ ‘Missing out on love’ isn't something that matters as much when your society isn't amatonormative”

• “When your culture is one that emphasizes compassion for all [...] Don't you think that people might just not think of marriage as something worth striving for?”

• “When the world around you doesn't emphasize marriage and romance and all that, then wouldn't you view cultures that do as a tad odd? Not weird in a bad way, just different.”

I just keep thinking about the real world and how so much of the obsession with marriage and so on is a sociocultural thing. You don't want a big white dress because it's a big white dress: you want it because it is the symbol that your culture has been pushing on you since you were two. Girls are taught to fantasize about weddings and marriage and to like A Certain Look for it, sometimes to such a degree that they can spend decades in denial about things like their sexualities.

And we're unlearning that as a society, people are being more critical of the institution and how they engage with it, are starting to question what it is that our media teaches us, asking 'why is marriage the most important thing in a girl's life, or in anyone's life' and generally moving towards a world where marriage exists but is not treated as a universal life goal.

But the Jedi are just. Already doing that.”

• “Marriage is not an inherent human/sapient want. Companionship is! We are biologically wired to be social creatures! […] But marriage? A signed sheet of paper? That's not...inherent. Fidelity and monamory? Sure, maybe. Plenty of species mate for life. But... humans have been proving that's a choice for most of history.”

— (original post, here)

Even without the galactic scale of their lifestyle and duties, is it really so hard to understand or believe that people wouldn’t be miserable in a society where romance is not considered an important thing at all?

If you don’t think entire groups of people could choose to have no romantic commitments their entire life, then there’s over a thousand-years history of monks and nuns choosing to live a single life in an environment that, too, forbids them from romantic commitments, and they lived in contentment and peace.

They’re not only connected to other Jedi through the Force, they are connected to the rest of the universe through the Force; they find joy in their selflessness, in helping people, in trying their best to do good in a universe permeated with corruption. They love being a Jedi, there’s nothing a romantic relationship can give them that’s as fulfilling as being Jedi.

Just…stop projecting your amatonormative misery onto the Jedi.

———

If millions of people around the world in real-life can choose not to ever get married and have children (without even being a part of a close-knit community like the Jedi), despite being bombarded with amatonormativity in media and literature almost everyday, then what’s so weird about a fictional group (who are literally warrior-monks and whom have all of their companionship needs met within their non-amatonormative community) choosing to be single in favor of a higher calling and lifestyle that’s far more valuable and fulfilling than having a romantic relationship?

———

(Words belong to @jedi-enthusiast)

• “Call me crazy, but I know for a fact that I would not want a romantic relationship if I was a Jedi.

If I lived somewhere where I was a part of a community of people that I considered my mentors, my friends, my family; if I lived somewhere where I was encouraged to learn, to travel, to help people, to enjoy life as it is, and better myself; if I lived somewhere where I was supported and loved and cared for by the community, and I did the supporting, the loving, the caring for other people in the community as well; if I lived somewhere where it wasn't constantly implied, or sometimes outright stated, that my worth was tied to me marrying a man, popping out children, and making money...

...if I was a Jedi, I can honestly say that the thought of pursuing a romantic relationship probably wouldn't cross my mind at all---not unless I met someone specific whom I felt that sort of connection with, but even then, I probably wouldn't give up being a Jedi to be with them because I'd feel more fulfilled as a Jedi than I would in a romantic relationship.

I honestly don't understand the assumption that the Jedi are miserable because they can't get married, I really don't.

If you feel like you wouldn't be able to be fulfilled without a romantic partner, then that's fine! Everyone's different! We all have different wants and needs! But just accept that you wouldn't be fulfilled without a romantic relationship and stop acting like it's impossible for anyone else to feel differently.

The Jedi all seem perfectly happy as they are.”

— (original post, here)

I also wanna add, because I don’t know where to put this statement … there’s romance and marriage in every single media and literature, so why should it be inserted into a fictional monastic culture? They’re not only warriors, they’re monks too.

It’s a rhetorical question…but I think either they’re so marriage-obsessed that they hadn’t thought of this. Or they are consciously aware of the over-saturation of romance within media when they talk about how the Jedi Order are wrong for disallowing romantic relationships, but they don’t care because they think higher callings are stupid and anything else is inferior to a romance/marriage.

———

(Words belong to @tookas-have-teeth) (original post here)

• “There is a difference between people saying that everyone feels romantic attraction and that it is necessary to being human [arophobia] and the comments a lot of people make about the Jedi.

Oftentimes, when I see complaints about the Jedi, it's because people are angry that people who DO feel romantic attraction might not choose to act on it, or might be part of an organization that requires its members to give up romantic relationships and marriage. People cannot fathom the concept that other people might experience romantic attraction, and do so intensely, and yet value something else above romance.

People consider this to be a cruel denial and repression of one's feelings, rather than seeing it as a choice people are making to prioritize things they value. People have SO bought into the idea that romance is the Ultimate Form of Love, that romance is necessary to live a fulfilled life, that they cannot imagine folks finding other forms of love more fulfilling, especially if those folks experience romantic attraction.”

—

[a comment within the post linked immediately above] “By claiming that people who experience romantic attraction *must* act on it or else they are oppressed, one is functionally insulting every priest, monk, nun, or any number of members of a religious order who choose, of their own free will, not to pursue romance in favor of a higher calling.” — @supersaiyanjedi14

———

There’s only two other fictional worlds that I can think of off the top of my head, that are non-amatonormative. Blissfully fulfilled and happy …

… Equestria (My Little Pony) and Pixie Hollow (Disney Fairies).

After learning the word, I could now put a name to why these two worlds are my top favorites: It’s a non-amatonormative society where everyone’s happy with just a community and a purpose in their life, where romance is 100% not an important factor.

“But in Pixie Hollow, there’s no reproduction, so of course there wouldn’t be any relationships.”

There’s still love and attraction.

Rosetta gets a crush on Sled in Secret of the Wings, Queen Clarion and Lord Milori reveal they fell in love in the distant past. And Terrence has a crush on TinkerBell (although that might just be the printed media, ‘cause I don’t remember it being obvious in the movies).

Is it really so hard to understand or believe that in a society where romance is not considered an important thing at all, and people have (literal) power and a job that they love and a whole damn community for companionship, then those people wouldn’t be miserable?

So, again, stop projecting your allonormative and amatonormative misery onto the Jedi. ‘Cause that’s all it is: your projection.

It’s so sad that the real world can’t be like the aforementioned worlds. Our world makes it so hard for people; a majority don’t have jobs they love, or they don’t have time or money to pursue and grow their talents, and there’s no true community among us. It’s literally dystopian, and we only see it as “this is normal, it’s real life” because we don’t know any other way. But that’s quite a different topic, so…

—

I just wanted to add these, unrelated to Star Wars and fandoms, to point out how destructive it [amatonormativity and allonormativity] is in the real world. ‘Cause I do see tweets on my timeline, from time to time, where a user will be torn over not having a relationship at a certain age or their life not following the ‘right’ trajectory.

[posts by people outside of the Star Wars fandom]

— @uncanny-tranny (original post here)

• Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

— @/acegirleatscake on Twitter

• Allonormativity and amatonormativity normalizes ableism: the “you must be cold, sick, delusional” or “there’s something wrong with you” if you don’t have sexual or romantic attractions or don’t want those types of relationships. Being single is seen as “being unwell.”

@/0p4l3sc3nt for this one (below)

• […] single people are constantly questioned about the legitimacy of our happiness […] In an Amatonormative society, our romantic relationships will always have ulterior motives (often subconscious) – which arise from us being conditioned to see romantic relationships as the means to achieve personhood, happiness, and TRUE purpose.

———

Sincerely, everyone in the Anti-Jedi circle needs to go outside, touch grass, and reflect on it.

If our society wasn’t amatonormative (if there was no such thing as our idealization of romance and marriage, if romantic relationships weren’t seen as the most important thing at all in our society), then nobody would have an issue with the Jedi Order disallowing it — for many legit reasons, might I again remind you! Their reasons make so much sense, yet your amatonormativity floods in and turns your brain into worms.

• “Fiction doesn't necessarily map onto people's real life opinions, but the statements people make about this topic are often very broad "the Jedi are bad for forbidding marriage, because people NEED romance" type statements that definitely sound like they're general worldviews rather than just opinions on fictional characters.” — @tookas-have-teeth (again)

This post was left in my drafts from a month ago (early August 2023), but seeing the topic come up again just made me kinda snap; and I don’t want to just scream into the void, so I’m posting it.

And I don’t care how repetitive some of it is, because that was very intentional. They’re like little reminders, so you don’t miss the point and might actually reflect on it.

HAVE A GOOD DAY!

#star wars #amatonormativity #pro jedi #fictional monastic cultures do not need romance or marriage when every single media is non-monastic and oversaturated with romance #in defense of the jedi #long post #allonormativity #this was in my drafts but I’m taking it out ‘cause I’m just sick and tired of ppl acting like the Jedi are miserable over the Order’s rule #I’m taking it out because I’m just so sick and tired of ppl acting like the Jedi don’t make the active daily CHOICE to be a Jedi #I’m sick and tired of allonormative and amatonormative-minded ppl in the fandom #thank you George Lucas for creating the Jedi #sw meta #star wars meta #I wish our society could be more like Equestria and Pixie Hollow and the Jedi #Our society is a dystopia

[honeygrahambitch]

"Everything okay?" Jack asks and Will feels like his head is completely underwater. The question comes as blurred.

"Yes."

"You don't look okay. Do you have a fever?"

"No."

The fever would have felt better. He would have chosen the fever in this situation. He has to pull himself together. Just 6 more hours to go and then he could go home and drown everything in a glass of whiskey.

"Will. Are you even able to look at the crime scene? You are not going on the field until you tell me what shook you."

He wants this questioning to be over already. He doesn't want to dive into it. Not again.

"A dog got hit right in front of me while I was driving to work."

"Oh, I thought something else happened. I'm glad you are healthy." Jack says and pats his shoulder. "Man up, the crime scene won't be pretty either."

Will smiles and nods.

A crime scene would at least take his mind away from it. He knew no one would give it that much importance. Accidents happen every day, right?

~

"What's the deal with that look on your face?" Alana asks as she watches him sit at his desk in an empty classroom. "Was Jack too salty?"

"No, nothing to do with him. Today." Will says and fakes a polite smile. "I'm just tired."

An excuse which always works. He is the tired guy who looks at the worst crime scenes in the country. The fact that a dog got hit is nothing, right? There are more terrible things.

Alana would absolutely be more sympathetic than Jack but he doesn't need the sympathy nor the pity. He only needs to go home.

~

The time finally comes and he goes home. First thing he does is to poor himself the whiskey he has been waiting for. His dogs greet him happily. He feels like a traitor. He feels a burden he has never felt. Not even when he had to reconstruct a crime scene.

Maybe it's the exhaustion, maybe it's the whiskey but he ends up dialling Hannibal.

He is surprised by Will's call. And for the first 10 minutes Will doesn't even get to the subject. He talks about his day, about the crime scene, about Jack being annoying.

Hannibal knows he is avoiding something deeper. He tells Will he is a little bit busy and that he will come back to him in a little.

Will doesn't protest. It was stupid anyway. He and Hannibal would often discuss heavy stuff, the idea of telling him something so childish felt pointless.

Maybe it is heavy, but just for him.

The time passes and Will doesn't go to sleep. Maybe he is waiting for Hannibal's call or maybe he is just afraid to go to sleep.

He leaves his armchair when he sees a car in front of his house.

"I apologize for the late hour. I brought apple pie to make up for it." Hannibal says as he gets out of the car and greets Will.

"Thank you." He mumbles and remembers to invite him inside. He also remembers to grab a glass for Hannibal too. His mind is not so alert after the amount of whiskey he has ingested.

And that is something Hannibal learns after he glances at the bottle.

It's funny that he is so tired that he doesn't even ask Hannibal what he is doing in his house at this late hour. Not that it matters, part of him is relieved to see the person he is the closest to.

"Healthy coping methods." Hannibal notices and accepts the glass. It's high quality at least.

"My psychiatrist won't prescribe me any medication." Will teases him. "And I noticed I can't avoid sleep for more than three nights in a row."

"What happened, Will? You look haunted and it's not because your cruel psychiatrist is not prescribing you Xanax."

"Bad day at work. An ugly crime."

Even though he is tipsy, he is aware his sentences sound stupid. And that his masking is not...well...masking.

"Worse than the usual?" Hannibal says, not convinced at all.

"Yeah...it was..." He can't even properly recall what it was. "Violent."

They both stare at each other.

"It's stupid." Will says, talking about what he was trying to avoid. "Can't be worse than what I do for a living."

"But it feels like it is worse." Hannibal completes his sentence. He is curious about what could have wrecked Will so bad. They both know well enough he wouldn't be so down about a crime scene.

Will's eyes fill with tears and he blames the damn alcohol for making him emotional. At least it's Hannibal and no one else in front of him.

"I ran over a dog. And then he died in my arms before I could do anything." His voice is shaking and his eyes are instinctively on his dogs.

"I am sorry to hear that." He says. He is genuine. He understands.

"Maybe I was tired. Maybe I wasn't careful enough. I didn't see him coming, I tried to stop the bleeding but..."

"It happened, no matter what was the cause."

"I was the cause." He whispers and the tears are finally leaving his eyes. He hates it because he knows they wouldn't stop soon.

"The average person wouldn't have thought too much about it, you know, Will? And I don't think that means it's less important or that it's childish. Or that your job makes you face things that are worse. I think "worse" is a very relative term."

Will sobs quietly while violently gripping his glass. His knuckles are almost white.

"I think that for someone who has such a beautiful stray family," Hannibal says as he looks at the dogs who are watching them "it's actually quite a traumatic experience."

"I should have been more careful."

"Maybe." Hannibal replies and they sit in complete silence for a few minutes. If Will needs to sit in complete silence, then he would sit with him.

"I am not very entertaining tonight." Will tries to crack a joke.

"You are not my TV. I don't need you to be entertaining. I need to make sure you are not spiraling too deep."

"Is this your way of making up because you are not prescribing me meds?"

"No, it's because I care about what happens to you. And you sometimes need someone "to fish" you from your dark thoughts."

"Have you ever held a fishing rod, Hannibal?" Will asks trying not to show the fact that he was touched by the first part of Hannibal's statement.

Hannibal rises an eyebrow which feels very funny to Will.

"What gave me out?" Will asks curious about the reason why Hannibal paid him the visit after their phone call.

"You were talking too much about Jack."

Will found that amusing too.

"You know, Will, the things we lose come back to us. In some sort of different form."

They talked more, until Will fell asleep. Hannibal put a blanket on him and left after he made sure he was sleeping deeply enough.

And maybe his words were somehow related to the fact that Will found a new stray on his porch the next morning.

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal series

[otomiyaa]

Profile Tag Game 💕

Hello - Lol hi I'm Ginny and this is a fun something I was about to do on my previous blog, and I remembered it! So I decided to still do it here. It's a random self introduction based on genshin impact character profiles! Maybe even a better fit for me to do it on this new account.

Chat: Tickling - I may have said this before, but I am a very bad tickler. In fact, I can barely remember tickling anyone properly so far in my life. I've done some quick pokes and scribbles, but I just can't go much further than that. Everything I wrote in my fics and hcs is just pure creativity and imagination. Not experience.

When It Rains - I get all cozy when I'm indoors and it's raining, like right now! But when I have to go out, it can make me frown and whine a lot.

When It Snows - I hope I don't fall down... I've got quite a number of experiences already, of slipping and falling in the snow.

Good Night - It's almost 1 AM. I should probably go to sleep. Ah, I'm too wide awake at night these days. And too tired during mornings hahaha.

About Me: Language - I speak Dutch, English, and Japanese and in all languages I sometimes struggle with formality levels at work. Especially when Japanese people call me by my first name without 'san', I am like..!!!! It's always a challenge to find the perfect balance of not being too impolite, and not being too formal and distant. I get the feeling I worry more about language and formality aspects than others.

Something to Share: Subscriptions - I've actually got way too many subscriptions running - Cinema, Spotify, Netflix, HBO Max, Amazon Prime, Disney+, Nintendo Switch Online, and Just Dance+. I kinda pay too much for things I don't always need, but I do need them a little and can't get myself to cancel any, even when they shamelessly increase their prices. Does it make me a money disaster? Hm.

My Hobbies: Journaling - My friends and I all have bullet journals and working on those while chatting and listening to some music is one of the most calming and satisfying things in life for me.

My Troubles - Needing a new laptop so I can play games like The Sims and Honkai Star Rail, but my current laptop isn't so old yet. Also, the Taylor Swift store doesn't ship to the Netherlands, I cry.

Favorite Food - Sushi, bibimbab, spaghetti with meatballs.

Least Favorite Food - Cheese.

About @ticklygiggles - On June 16, 2016, Mia sent me a message on Tumblr, starting a conversation. I messaged her back, and from that moment on we just... talked daily, grew closer and closer, watched anime together, wrote fics together, called and sent voice messages, and last month for the first time we FINALLY were able to play genshin together (Mia made a new acc because we weren't on the same server, huhu dedication girl). We did the Heart Island thing in Mia's world.

About @ragewerthers - We talked about it recently but our friendship started so smoothly and sudden. I was reminded it was because of Ragewerthers getting randomly shadowbanned on Tumblr, as well as our mutual interest in the soccer anime Days, Final Fantasy XV and Minecraft.

Tagging some fellow genshin fans @ticklygiggles @wertzunge @lovelynim @shy-lee-chu @eliankrios @xsezzie @kusuguricafe @fuckparty and ofc anyone else who would like to do it:) Feel free to add more / use other lines or do literal voice-overs! I'll stick to just text hehe.

#tag game #genshin impact #personal #profile tag game #tickling #tickle community

[etincelleart]

From what little I've read of the posts about it, I feel very bad for you, but at the same time I'm happy at how well you treated him from the beginning to the end of his life, and I'm sure he was happy all that time too.

Unfortunately grieving is also an important part of loving someone, so don't try to run away from that feeling: if you feel like crying, cry, the same goes for posting things about it here, remembering good times… Just go through the process, taking your time.

Once you feel less bad… Well, look at how you took care of him and had a happy life together! you certainly have few regrets, and the ones you do have, you did your best in that situation, and that's the best way you could have lived with him.

A bad thing about life is that it happens everytime : a really good game or series that came to an end, a friendship that lost touch, an empty plate after lunch…. We can't control how things end, but the way you lived with your cat was the best way to live: you did what you could and enjoyed every moment. Our life may one day end, but nothing takes away our right to make the most of it while we can.

I apologize a million times if this makes you feel worse or anything, I just want to help you to get through this moment and feel better. A big hug, you'll get through this.

It doesn't make me feel worse and I appreciate talking about it so thank you ♥

Honestly I'm just glad this is something I realized ever since I lost my first cat. Fripon isn't the first cat I lose, but he was the one I had a special bond with, even if I was close of the others too. The first cat I lost was closer to my mom and Fripon was basically my cat child, just like Citrouille aha

When you realize that it's so important to enjoy every moment with them, it probably makes things easier because you know you took the time to make them happy. There will always be regrets, especially in the last moments, because you had things to do or maybe you had to go somewhere, but it's so unpredictable so it's hard and I think the last moments will never be perfect... But you still can make it as good as you can as much as you can

That's why when Oskar (the first cat I lost) left, Fripon cried so much because he was really close of him, and I remember playing with him and cludding with him after coming back from high school, even if sometimes I was just tired and wanted to lay in the couch

And I'm not saying all that to say "look what I did" like, it's just to say, spend time with your pets ? I just wish more people could realize how short their lives are and how we're a lot to them, we all have our lives but what they know most of the time is us ?

When we found Citrouille in the garden it's the same too, she was so small and scared, not used to humans, so for a solid month in september I stayed with her to play outside for a few hours until she was ready to come inside. And after that it was also important to idk, spend time and play with her, raise her because it was a baby, just enjoy time with them because they're not just here for decoration

I'm rambling a lot but animals are so important to me, and my cats are my babies and I just learned so much from them, and when they show me trust idk I just feel great to see the impact I had on their lives

So it hurts I had to say goodbye to Fripon in such a brutal way, but I'm at least glad I was here, and I'm happy it was during my vacations so I'm able to process everything, and don't have to deal with anything else, and I was able to say goodbye properly and put him somewhere where we'll plant flowers when the weather's better, and where we put candles. Giving him daisies and violets and his favorite toy, and just be able to say goodbye peacefully is also so important

It's like a family member, I just hope what will remain will be good memories, of him helping me with my studies by acting stupid, or licking my hands, or eating tons of tuna, or purring to ask for more food aha ♥

♥♥

#cat #fripon #loss

[olichat-reads]

Friends don't

Hawks x reader

Summary: You finally confront your bestfriend on your 'more-than-friends-less-than-lovers' relationship.

Words: 1388

A/n: so. i kinda malfunctioned yesterday & my loopy, sleep depraved self ended up with 3 lectures to catch up with & this little oneshot. um. if it reads a little off, i think so too but cut some slack to my drunken little self hm (｡T ω T｡)? i'm too tired to proofread this properly. bestfriend to lovers!

🌟

You were not subtle about the crush you had on your best friend. You were certain of it. Anyone with eyes could see how much you're absolutely whipped for the number two hero- & if they didn't, they had to be an idiot.

And here you're starting to think you actually were in love with said idiot.

Because there was no way you weren't obvious about your feelings. You've fallen hard the moment Hawks made that god awful bird pun to make you break the overly serious facade you wear whenever you're nervous. And ever since, your feelings have only gotten more & more obvious, with your relationship getting less & less platonic. You were sure you literally had hearts in your eyes whenever you so much as think of him at this point.

Yes, you were best friends but friends don't do things you guys did right?

Friends don't walk together hand in hand- be it entangling your fingers, his arm around your waist or you hanging off his arm like a baby koala.

Friends don't casually share their entire wardrobes, exchanging hoodies & sweatshirts & sweatpants until neither of you know whose are which.

Friends don't take you dancing in the sky, in the dead of the night just to cheer you up after a bad day, knowing you love the wind in your hair, always so carefree & so happy when he took you flying, but not the attraction it called from the onlookers below during the day.

Friends don't end up cuddled in the same bed every other night- you tucked in his wings, away from the world, his arms holding you close, your hand in his hair at a useless attempt to pat down the tangled mess it was, as you exchanged mumbled nonsense whilst dozing off.

Friends don't say 'I love you' with those eyes- eyes that gloss over with so much unsaid emotion, that scream so much more.

Friends don't love like you did. Right?

You were pretty sure they don't.

And it was driving you absolutely nuts.

Which led you to you silently losing your mind on this fine evening, the two of you lounging on the couch in your living room. Hawks popping in unnanounced after his patrol, bringing over takeout from your favourite chinese restaurant, your usual order practically memorized. He'd showered here, in your bathroom which always held two of everything- two toothbrush, two towels, two loofahs, because he stayed over so much. He'd changed into his t-shirt & sweatpants that weren't the only pair that he kept with your clothes in your closet.

The guy practically lives here for god's sake. And you knew it was the same for you at his place.

"Hey, you okay? You seem distracted, Dove," he asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"Do you not like me or something?" You blurt out. Probably not at the best time though, shocking your winged friend enough to have him hacking & coughing up the sweetened coffee he was sipping on. You huffed out annoyed, but reached out to soothe his back with firm pats anyways. This idiot needed to live if you were going to have this conversation.

"Baby, what on earth?" Hawks choked out, still wheezing to get the air back into his lungs. His choice of words making you narrow your eyes at him. Friends don't call each other every single petname meant for your significant other. Birdie & Dovey? Sure. A platonic babe every now & then? Okay. Baby, honey, sweetheart, darling, love?? Unironically? As friends??? Seriously??

"Ugh, you drive me insane!"

"What did I do?!" He cried out defensively, his wings puffing up just like a cat's tail would when threatened, making you huff at him in exasperation.

"I can't figure you out! I've been flirting my ass off for over a year & I have not been subtle, sir. Its just- You don't reject my advances but you never- you never-," you cut yourself off to growl out a frustrated strangled shriek.

"Are you- are you just ignoring my hints? Because you don't like me that way? Is it possible you didn't notice? But I made it so ridiculously obvious! You can't be that oblivious, can you? I know you're not the kind of guy to play with people's feelings like that so Mmh-"

You were cut off by soft, chapped lips pressed to yours in a sweet kiss, effectively shutting you up. But almost just as quickly, Hawks started to pull away, making you growl in displeasure, hands shooting to his hair to pull him back into you. His breath hitched in surprise, the sound sending a pleasant shudder down your spine, before you felt him melt into the kiss. He let you take the lead, let you pour out your frustration into it until you had to pull back for air.

"I'm sorry I'm just stupid. I- um. I had a crush on you for the longest time but I couldn't tell if you liked me the same way," he breathes out, a little breathless. "Now that I think about it though, you were pretty obvious, i just- I was just scared of somehow being wrong? I swear there's a brain in here but I just malfunction around you, Dovey. I'm- stupid. Thats just it, really."

You pulled back a little to lock your gaze with those golden ones you love so much but are very much infuriated with right now.

"..are you seriously telling me you thought I was acting as just a friend-"

"A very, very good friend-"

"But a friend," you bite out. "All. This. Time."

He swallowed at that.

"..yes?"

And at that revelation you head butted your crush of 1 year 2 months & 16 days, no you weren't counting, hard enough to have both of you groaning in pain. You left your head resting against his as the pain ebbed away, watching his eyes flutter open to stare back at you.

Before the dumbass started laughing. Uncontrollably. You wanted to stay mad at him, keep glaring, make this unbelievable idiot squirm a bit longer but goddamn if this man didn't make you soft. You didn't last long before the corner of your lips twitched.

"I hate you."

"I am so sorry, Birdie," he managed to sputter out between laughs. The audacity of this man. You reached behind him to tug at his wing, making him yelped in surprise but going right back to giggling, his hands gently catching your face to keep you close.

"You're so stupid I can't believe you."

"I know, baby," he mumbled, a silly smile on his face as he planted quick pecks on your pouting cheeks that are starting to heat up.

"Dumbass. Bird brain. Idiot." You hissed, trying to halfheartedly bat him away to no avail.

"Should I remind you that you're the one thats in love with this idiot?"

"I regret this already."

The last of your irritation melted away as the winged hero smiled this goofy grin at you, before leaning in for another kiss. This time a little slower, a little sweeter than the last.

Goddamn those were going to get addicting fast.

"So, just to make sure we're both on the same page, we aren't friends anymore hm? We're a couple? I feel like I need to verbally confirm everything with you after this," you teased, tapping his forehead lightly.

"Oh my god," he laughed out. "You're never letting me live this down are you, Love?"

"After the anguish you put me through for how long because you can't read social cues? Hell no," you puffed out in faux offense, crossing your arms with a little hmph for extra effect.

"In fact, I should've been worried if you thought all the things we did up til now were normal amongst friends. Who knows if you've had platonic cuddles with Endeavour behind my back," you theorize with a smirk, watching the number two hero cringe at the mental image you planted in his head.

"Sweetie, stooooop," he whined dramatically before bursting out into laughter all over again, having trapped you in his embrace, making your body shake with his. This time you couldn't help but join in, your weak attempt at remaining mad at this red winged dummy you've been pining for so long cracking way too easily.

"You're right, you're right," he hummed out contently, as his giggles died out, leaving behind an air of serenity.

"Friends don't. Its just that we do."

#hawks fluff #hawks x reader #keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #oliwrites

[bluravenite]

Can people please put content tags and warnings when they talk about regressed ghouls????

CW: mentions of trauma and abuse, fetishization of age regression, sexual abuse, parenting? Just complaining about people romanticizing age regression, trauma, abuse and treating other mental illness/disorders badly... Also very brief mentions of self harm and eating disorders...

Summary: I'm upset

I feel like people baby ghouls a lot, and while I understand that age reg and little space is a trauma coping mechanism, trust me.. I know... I also just feel like sometimes I open Tumblr to a bunch of people babying ghouls in ways that make me upset...

I think often the way people handle regressed ghouls is by treating them like dumb little babies, instead of the actual procedures that should take place to ensure someone who is regressed is emotionally and physically safe... It's not just about which toys they love playing with, or which sippy cup they use most, it's also not A GATEWAY FOR YOU TO WRITE AGE REGRESSION AS A SEXUAL FETISH, I understand that sometimes when you regress your body may still experience those feelings, but mentally???? It's not going to be safe or enjoyable, cannot consent properly either BECAUSE ITS UNDER A TRAUMA RESPONSE, and also??? It can be even more traumatic and DANGEROUS for a person HANDLING a regressed individual, to engage in sexual acts WITH A REGRESSED INDIVIDUAL

I get that Tumblr used headcanons as comfort, but if you're going to talk about traumatized ghouls experiencing age regression and instead of having people/other ghouls take care of them safely and properly, then I can't stop you but at least TAG THEM PROPERLY??? This goes to mentions of SH and EDS, should not be romanticized... Can it be talked about? Part of a story? Yes, just like it can be part of people's lives and needs to be discussed... But please just don't romanticize it... Don't make regressed ghouls engage in it too if you're not going to properly explain the content and the reasons why it's there.

I have my own way of dealing with small children, age regressed individuals (and littles)... It may not be correct, but it caters towards listening to the individual I am responsible for taking care of...

You don't know what they want or need, you need to talk to them and ask them how they're feeling, how you can help, what they would like, what is safest for them. Get them something of comfort, something for entertainment, and at all costs try to ensure their safety, even if you fail, you can talk them through calming down. I do understand that 1. Children can be difficult sometimes, it depends a lot on the kid... 2. Not all instances will have bad experiences or feelings involved, but sometimes they might, which is why you need to understand age regression is a trauma response... 3. You cannot treat children as dumb brainless babies, AND YOU SHOULD NOT TREAT AGE REGRESSED INDIVIDUALS HAVING TROUBLE PROCESSING EMOTIONS like CHILDREN.

My point being, just try to learn some gentle parenting. It doesn't always work, it doesn't always ensure everyone's safety... Yes you can still have your cute headcanons of things people enjoy and it does not have to be exclusive to age regression...

I have spent entire summers volunteering with special needs and disabled kids, as well as having my own mental issues and disorders and I'm just tired of seeing people treat a lot of them like they're toys to play with and sexualize... And since I know I can't stop anyone from doing that, AT LEAST FOR SATAN'S BELOVED COCK, USE TAGS

#raven vents

[naffeclipse]

I saw that drabble of Mer!Eclipse and Y/N dying together and thought about some things. Vanessa is long gone, and they've been nothing but the reader and eclipse for a while, a whole generation grew up without Mer attacks and life is peaceful. Sometimes the kids go to the beach and meet this mysterious person who tells them stories of mers and how he worked hand in hand with one, and Y/N is kind of a weird being because everyone knows he has lived too long, they know why, and they can't do anything or peace will end on their island. It's a silent deal once again, Y/N makes sure the island has its fish and the boats don't sink and they can live peacefully, telling stories to the kids where the mers can be bad or good. And when he finally one day just disappears, a feeling of sadness runs through all those who heard his mers stories.

Curiously, not long after, the mers return and they are not exactly friendly, the stories are not accurate with their cute songs and gentle hands, but rather they are thunderous, terrifying symphonies that betray all belief. And a small child strolls along the beach, as that mysterious person did every morning, and hears a familiar, sweet, tentative song that makes them turn away from their yellow-haired caretaker to chase after the curious sound.

The yellow eyes are familiar, the small cove is familiar, there is a dejavu and everything is so new but it is as if it has happened before. It actually turns out that the song of a mer can bind two souls, even in more than one lifetime.

Just me rambling on how I think everyone could be reincarnated, even Vanessa, and become a tradition little by little where a child becomes attached to a mer and they both take care of the peace of the island. There being more than one story of them, sometimes dying of old age, sometimes in combat, but always coming back together. And no one realizes that it's really one reincarnation after another, only that it's better not to interfere as if it were some kind of prophecy.

I'm not into reincarnation for Deep Dreams but sort of an old tale retold? I dig that! If anything, I'd want to do a loose sequel.

The island is still superstitious, but there are a few more believers that not all mers are death and destruction, and the old fisher that disappeared out to sea (properly assumed deceased after being around for far longer than they should have been) a handful of years ago is remembered with a little fondness by some of the locals, most of those younger folk and less inclined to be afraid when there haven't been mer attacks in so long.

Y/N is a little kid who loves to swim. You're a natural in the water and know to avoid the riptides that can drown even full-grown adults. Your parents warned you to be careful going down to the beach to play like you do any other day, however, you forget to mind your surroundings just this one time. There's a riptide, and it's taking you out, far, far from shore. You're a good swimmer, but you're getting tired, and farther away from land, and you're trying to not cry—

Until you see a little face in the water, watching you struggle to keep your head above the surface. It makes you think of the sun. Then there's another little face, a little scarier with its red eyes, but just as intently watching you, and you think this one must be the moon.

You start to sink. You go under, but before the air you managed to catch in your lungs burns away, small hands, a lot of small hands, grab you and yank you up once more. The little fishes, the sun and the moon, are so small that they have to work together to get you back to shore, but they manage. When you scrap against the sand in the shallows, you gasp and turn around to look at your new friends!

But they're gone.

You frown. That's not what friends are supposed to do. You have to at least thank them for helping you!

So, when you go home that night and tell your parents that you made two new friends who are fish, they laugh and sweetly tell you "That's nice, dear." (Mers haven't been spotted in ages, save for the occasional report of a big red/orange one, but even those have ceased in recent years. The attacks have stopped. The mers are gone. There's no need for superstition anymore.)

This is just one more reason you march back down to the beach, determined to find the sun and the moon and prove that you are their friend, too.

#in deep dreams between the waves #technically number two #mermaid!sun #mermaid!moon

[bots-and-cons]

A new year has started...

I'm going to try to post once more this week, but I have to start my school work too so I don't know if it's gonna be today or tomorrow. Next week I'll try to be more active since I've only got school on Friday for like 4 hours, and I should have time.

School started on Thursday (11th of January) and I basically went to school while being sick, because I couldn't miss it. Same thing on Friday, but I felt even worse. I didn't have a fever or anything, I just felt freaking miserable, and now I can barely talk because my voice is almost gone. So fun...

I had a 2h presentation with one of my classmates, that we had to do for the rest of our growth-group, since it was our turn. I was really nervous for it, but it went really well and I'm glad it's over. (A growth-group is this thing for professional growth, and we also have to make a learning diary during the two years we have the growth-group meetings.)

On Friday I started a "neurodivergent problems and special-ed" course. That's very roughly translated, but you get the idea. I really liked the first classes already and it's very enlightening.

VENTING BELOW, DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO

On top of being sick, I have been feeling a bit messed up mentally. I've noticed myself thinking I want something bad to happen to me just so I could get out of uni for a while. I know what comes next too, I'm going to continue to get more and more tired, until I actually fall quickly back into deep depression, and/or have another bad psychotic episode. I've already been having very intense paranoia, and I basically stared at shadow people on the walls of the classroom during half of my swedish class yesterday, so that was fun. I haven't really lost my grip on reality for a while, like I know the things I'm seeing are not really real, but they are there 100% and I am seeing them. I don't really know how to explain it properly. It's like I know it's not real, but at the same time they are there, and I can see them and feel them.

Intrusive thoughts have not been nice either, the most frequent one I have is that I should swallow razor blades. I should probably get rid of them, but I always somehow talk myself out of it and I just can't.

I'm supposed to do practical training for three weeks this winter/spring season too, and then preferably another six-week set too. I'm terrified of that whole thing and I don't fucking want to, but I have to if I want to go forward with my studies. The three weeks thing is the orientation training and the six-week one is the first of the professional ones.

I've been toying with the idea of taking some sick leave from uni, but I also don't want to fall behind, so I'm not allowing myself to do that. I know I'm gonna end up burning out, but I feel like I would disappoint a lot of people if I took a break, so my brain won't allow me to do that either. I fucking hate being like this. I feel like a lazy piece of shit, even though my rational mind tells me I'm doing things, and going forward in life, it just doesn't FEEL like it.

#ony speaks #psychosis tw #intrusive thoughts

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello Kait, how are you doing? I hope your day have been well and the cold season is not too bad at your place.

Actually, I've been sick for a while now and went to the clinic a few hours ago. I feel like... I'm tired of dealing with sickness and medication. Of course, I'm not sick enough to the point of having chronic illness. But I'm also not that healthy either since I've always prone to getting sick since I was a child.

I used to have countless doctor appointments back then. Sometimes, I even have to go through 3 different doctors from different departments on the same day. I don't even know if I have the right to complain about this when there's literally a lot of people out there going through worse illness than me...

But I'm really not coping well with all these medications. Sometimes the side effect can be harsh to deal with too. I wish I could say to someone that I don't want to take pills after pills anymore. At some point my stomach churned at the thought of hospitals and clinics because I don't want to go through the appointments again.

I also hate how physically and mentally vulnerable I am whenever I got sick. I'm always the one who take care of myself and while it taught me how to be independent, sometimes... I just wish I had someone to take care of me. I want to know how it feels like to be taken care of for once in my life.

I guess that's where Saeran comes into the picture. The fact that he knows exactly what I feel about everything and would be glad to nurse me back into health... it's a nice thought, a nice distraction even for a bit.

I'm sorry for the long ask. I have a lot of things in mind and this sickness is making me want to let everything out of my system.

Saeran has been to Hell and back when it comes to his health.

Things have been looking a lot better for him ever since he got out of Mint Eye. However, leaving that place didn't instantaneously free him of what he had been dealing with since he was a small child. It simply allowed him to begin the process of taking care of himself properly, and while he is doing that more often these days, his immune system is shot and he is susceptible to your seasonal flu and cold a lot more than your average guy.

A small cold could knock him out of his shoes whether he likes it or not. It's not the best time in the world when he gets sick, but boy, he has learned all kinds of tricks and tools in his research online. Sure, it is possible to a doctor now, God knows Jumin has helped him get a lot of help that he couldn't have otherwise had before, but still, being able to take care of himself is no walk in the park. He can't just sleep off the illness all day long.

There are other things he can do, and any trick he learns going into the back of his head to not only help him, but to take care of his loved ones, too. Sure, it's a learning curve to make sure you're comfortable, but the same can be said about anyone! He just has to find how what helps you feel best. What meals are easy? Do you like to rest? Do you prefer to bundle up? Do you watch comfort shoes? What drink do you like when you feel anxious?

Whatever you need, he's got you covered!

But, today, most of all, what you might need is for him to be by your side as you try to rest. His hand tracing patterns into the back of your shirt again and again, your tired eyes shutting as soon as you nuzzle your head against his chest, and his voice ringing through your ears like a rumble.

"I know you feel awful right now, but I'm here for you, my love. I wish I could take the pain away, but I know I can't... so, I'll do the next best thing... and hold you close to my heart... so our love can remind you that you're not alone, no matter how bad you feel."

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #mm #choi saeran #ge saeran #tw health issues #princessjung

[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

I don't know how to say this. I especially don't know how to say this when all available words regularly leak out my ears when I'm stressed or tired or both or neither. Um. So.

It'll take me a little while to write this, I imagine, and I won't be "back" here properly, whatever that means, until I write and post it.

Sexuality is a funny ol thing, and I'm not fully certain where I fit with it.

Most of that uncertainty comes from - not in knowing what I think, or want, really, but in not knowing if I can have that, safely for me.

I don't think I can, in person. I don't think it's in the least sensible, for me.

It probably sounds,, odd, given how much of myself I share here, and given the usual,, way things go.

I don't know how other people feel or experience,, life, everything, I only know what I do. And I don't know what I don't know, either.

But I think, generally, based on previous experience but very little practical evidence, really, that anything in person would be,, too much for me. It wouldn't be an exciting level of intense, it would be a panic-inducing level of intense. Probably. And I don't know how I'd react to that, without having experienced it. I do know how I react to some things - crowds, and fireworks, and like club music type - and I know that my reaction is not always clear to other people, and I know I can't always articulate what's going on in my head, I can't always "make the words go", I can't always explain myself and I tend, in the situations I know cause me stress, to stand stock-still until whatever it is stops, cry if it's really bad, or if I can then I'll cry and clench my jaw and keep walking until I'm away, if I can, if I can make myself move. And, I don't think I could make myself speak or move, if I was in that situation and overwhelmed, with something that isn't just a situation happening and rather a person who,, maybe hasn't expectations of things happening, but there is nonetheless still things happening.

Anything I have done in person has been. Very small, and a very long time ago, and while I was very drunk. It was good, but I'm not sure that I could do anything larger, any time soon if ever, and I'm certainly not getting drunk ever again, even if it does take the edge off my brain - because it takes the edge off my brain, and I'm not doing anything that I would need that for.

If that makes sense at all.

It's easier and safer, all round, to. Avoid that.

People say you have to leave your comfort zone, but my comfort zone is there for a reason, y'know? It's a good reason, and I'd like to keep to that reason.

I know myself, I'd like to stay myself.

I like it here, I do, it's a good place to be, it helps to have somewhere and someone/s to talk to. Y'know.

The conversations (and 'conversations') I've had, they're just as much for me as something in person might be, given I can't and don't want something in person.

I do say, fair often, honestly, it shows something of me to say it, but I do anyway - imagine it's my hands on you, I'm imagining your hands on me - y'know, I imagine that's something fair standard in this situation, where whoever is miles or a world away, y'know

It's true, true as anything I say, and I've never been a liar, that I'd want that, that I'd like that - I just don't think I can have that, in person, without such high levels of trust that I don't think are possible enough to outweigh my,, issues with all of it.

It's taken me a long time to recognise that this is. Not shame at feeling this way, really, not shame at being queer, at wanting anything - it's not, it just presents in a similar way, if you see what I mean? But there is some shame wrapped up in it - not in wanting it, the way that's I imagine more common, but in wanting it and not being able to have it, the way "normal people" do, in person.

Wanting it and talking about it - I should imagine some people would say it's only talking, tho it's not any "only" for me, really - that's all I can have, that's all I want, anything more scares the very bones of me, and will not be happening.

Everything I've said has been truth, I hope I've been clear - everything I've said in reply or in DMs has been truth - I am imagining that, I do want that, this is good - because I can do this, over such a distance - it's the distance that makes it easier to do, because while I want hands on me, I couldn't cope with hands on me, do you follow? And it being over text is also good, because I've got words there, when I can't say them aloud, do you see?

Sometimes it's been for not amazing reasons - anything since say January is from a good place, I'm in a far better place now, physically and mentally, than I was before then - if you want more information, I was grieving two grandparents at once, and dealing with Not somehow having lost most of my family due to being trans, and moving house, all at once. So while as I say all I've said has been truth, I was doing things in 2023 for reasons that,, were not sensible. I was doing too much, because to be frank, in hindsight, I wanted to feel good and wanted so that I stopped feeling so bad. I did feel good, but it's not the sort of feeling good I'd like to continue - same as I deleted all my old photos because they came from that sort of place, in favour of things that are from a better place for me, you know? I explained that in another post I think.

I have been in a better place since January, everything I've done since then has been from that better place.

It's tricky, some, I guess, sometimes, because I can be switchy - I explained that in another post, too, a bit, how easily I can turn from one to another, and how I don't sometimes know how to manage that, when I know someone wants something else from me - that hasn't happened while talking with anyone, but it is something that needs to be known of, so I can feel comfortable in mentioning it, if it were to ever.

Not to put anyone out or off or whathaveyou, I just want to make myself as clear as I'm able to. I hope I have done.

I'll not be really around until next week, but I'm likely to see if anyone sends me anything, y'know, to let you know. I just mightn't answer just yet 🤍🩵💚