#i can safely say that they need a whole team of therapists

[wheredafandomat]

Shrink - P1 | You need to get laid

Random short thing I thought of. It’ll probably only be a few parts.

Avenger! Loki x therapist! Reader

18+ | there will be some bad language and probably mentions of sex throughout etc. Also, this is a lil unethical

Next

With a long exhale, Loki rolled his eyes as he settled back against his chair, slouching as you continued to speak. He didn’t like being here, judged, therapized, forced to confront his feelings or whatever other taradiddles Thor had conjured up to get him here. He tried to look interested, gaze meeting yours as you paused before continuing when you had his attention.

“I personally feel your hostility and aggression towards the other members of your team may be rooted into something else.” You concluded as Loki narrowed his gaze questioningly at you. “Loki, I’m going to ask you a very personal question and I want you to answer truthfully.”

“Go ahead.” He nodded.

“Remember in here” you started, gesturing around the room “is a safe space.”

“Get on with it.”

“When is the last time you’ve had sex?” You questioned.

Inhaling and exhaling, Loki’s gaze began wandering around the room as he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

“Well there was—and— and I can’t forget—” he began mumbling to himself as you took a sip of water before he was looking at you again “if I were to hazard a guess, I’d say around a century ago.”

Gasping, you almost spat out your water.

“Relax, only a midgardian century, time moves very slowly here I’ve gathered.” He tried to console.

“I thought it moved faster here?”

“Perhaps” Loki shrugged “I don’t know, I was just trying to quell your shock and distress.”

“I wouldn’t say I was distressed, just” you swallowed thickly “surprised.”

“Well, I’ve not found anyone I want to be intimate with.” He spoke matter of factly.

“No one?” You queried incredulously.

“I don’t spend much time out. I’m usually helping my brother and his team of delinquents.” Loki explained.

“They’re the Avengers, Earth’s defenders Loki.” You countered.

“Well I hope your planet musters up a more capable team, sooner rather than later.” He mocked.

Instead of defending the organisation further, you kept your professionalism.

“Look, Loki, if I’m being honest with you, I don’t think you’re angry, I think you're sexually frustrated” you proposed. “it’d explain the irritability, the edginess and the dreams we spoke about last week.”

“Sexually frustrated.” He repeated, mulling over the words. “And how would one go abouts curing this sexual frustration?” He asked, earning a cynical look from you. “Right.” He realised.

“For you, this week's homework is to go out and get laid, safely.”

“Get laid?”

“Have some sex, do I have to spell everything out for you?” You huffed exaggeratedly.

“Right.” He smiled.

“So, same time next week?”

“Yes.” He agreed, making his next appointment before leaving.

Making his way back to the compound, Loki thought about your words. Could you quite possibly be correct? He didn’t want to admit it but he thought that there was potential for you to be right but then that’d mean that the whole concept of therapy wasn’t as useless as he had previously argued and he didn’t like being wrong. He despised it. Huffing to himself, he thought there was probably no harm in testing your hypothesis. Once he reached back, he was greeted by Thor.

“How was therapy?” Thor asked.

“Do you and Jane have sex?” Loki questioned causing Thor to swallow thickly, clearly taken aback.

“Yes, yes we do.” He answered. “Why?”

“Well Doctor y/l/n recons that I’ll be all better if I have some of the sex.” Loki explained, causing Thor to stand straighter.

“Well we must settle this at dawn, whoever survives will be the one Jane—” Thor began before Loki interrupted.

“What on Midgard are you going on about?”

“What on Midgard are you going on about?” Thor narrowed his gaze.

“I have to find someone in which I can have the sex with and then I’ll be all better. Don’t fret, I don’t want Jane.” Loki insisted.

“Oh splendid.” Thor clapped happily.

Meanwhile, you had just finished up with your last client before you heard a knock at your door, looking up, you smiled as you gestured Natasha inside who was holding food. Once she entered, she sat down as you both tucked into the meal.

“So, how’s your week been, any good client stories?” Natasha asked.

“Natasha” you exclaimed “if I were to share information about my patients with you, I’d be at risk of losing my license.”

“I won’t tell” she baited you “besides, I’m not asking you to be specific and use names, just give me the rundown, we used to share everything with each other.”

You couldn’t disagree with her, you became best friends when your office was based at SHIELD headquarters and she was a trainee agent.

“You’re a terrible influence, pour me a glass of that wine.” You relented.

“Soo, banging anyone?” She asked, both of you with glasses in hand.

“No, no one rocks my boat.” You sighed.

“What about that accounting guy?”

“We were at my apartment and let’s just say an encounter with a spider left one of us almost in tears and the other completely turned off.” You cringed at the memory causing Natasha to laugh. “I want a man Nat, he was always just so—”

“Weak?” She finished.

“I was going to say submissive and not in the sexy way. I guess I’m just done with always being the one making decisions, always being the one in control.” You rationalized.

“You wanna be dominated.” She figured.

“Yes.” You agreed.

“You should have just asked.” She teased.

“Very funny” you smiled “but yes, I think that’s it. Like if we’re having sex, I want him to hold me down and fuck me you know, not just cuddle and dry hump me until his boners gone down.”

“Accounting done that?” She interrupted you, aghast.

“He said he only wanted to have sex romantically.”

“What does that even mean?” She laughed.

“Who knows?” You shrugged. “Maybe it means after a date?”

“So then what did he do the times he was just at your apartment?”

“Not get rid of spiders” you laughed “he was more of a friend really. We just watched films together and hung out.”

“Wow, that’s crazy.”

“I know.”

“Girl you need to get laid.”

“I knowww.”

“So, what’s the plan?” She grinned.

“I’m looking for a man that can remove spiders from the home and pin me against the wall.” You giggled.

Next

Tags

@lokisgoodgirl @thenotoriouserg @chantsdemarins @donaweasley @xorpsbane @mcufan72 @loz-3 @evelyn-kingsley @sailorholly @lovingchoices14 @lokiedokiee @noideakitten @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @lokiprompts @lulubelle814 @fictive-sl0th @peaches1958 @gigglingtiggerv2 @tmilover1993 @lyds247 @dustychinchilla74 @lokis-dark-queen

#loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki fanfic #loki (marvel) #oc fiction #loki fanfiction #tom hiddelston loki #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki x avengers #avenger loki #loki x reader fic #loki imagine #loki au fic #loki au

[happy74827]

Just Words

[Siobhan Roy x GN!Reader]

Synopsis: Words can be hurtful (especially to most) but with Siobhan’s “5-star” personality and ability to not care about anything other than herself, you can’t help BUT spill some words. {GIF Creds: @olliviacooke// I took this off of google (fair warning) so I had to dig deep to find the OP}

WC: 2274

Category: Slight Fluff (?), Enemies to… trope {Trigger Warning: Foul Language (I really channeled the Roy family here), Logan}

I did not expect my first succession fic to be Siobhan… but honestly, I’m not complaining 👀 (fyi: this was a request and I stupidly forgot to “answer” so hopefully the anon who requested lovely Shiv finds this 💀)

『••✎••』

Siobhan Roy… mega bitch. You hated her. Well, that might be an understatement; you despised her. From the moment you met her, she was just a total and complete pain in your ass. Not to mention completely and utterly self-absorbed. She had the attitude and ego of a child.

So when you were made to work with her, you were less than pleased. Logan Roy, the only man who could top Siobhan in terms of being an insufferable asshole, had made you a deal. If you and Siobhan worked together to find a solution to the media shitstorm he was currently experiencing, he would put you on the team that handled the IPO of Waystar. It was the opportunity you had been waiting for, so you sucked it up and agreed.

You and Siobhan sat in the meeting, both of you looking like a pair of miserable children. It made Roman look like a ray of sunshine, and that was really saying something.

Logan slammed the door, causing you to flinch.

"Fuck," he said, taking his seat.

"What?" asked Siobhan, a tinge of irritation in her voice. It’s amazing how her mood could shift on a dime.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit tired of this fucking circus."

"Well, what the fuck do you expect? You made a public promise. If you can't make good on it, why not just say so? Why continue this fucking farce?"

Logan narrowed his eyes at her.

"If I wanted to hear that, Siobhan, I would have gone to my wife's bed. I don't need a cunt in my ear right now."

Siobhan rolled her eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ. I'm a realist. You're the one who wants to live in your fantasy world. Just fucking drop the bomb, tell the truth, and let's move on."

"The truth? And what is the truth? That my son’s a psychotic, drug-addled mess? That Kendall is a sniveling, entitled little fuck? A pathetic, whiny, little shit stain who can't do his job because he's too busy jerking himself off to his own sob story? Is that the truth you want to set free?"

Siobhan stared him down, and once again, you were surprised. You had thought the woman was completely brazen, but there were still limits.

"I'm not your therapist," she said.

"No. You're not. And I'm not going to sit here and listen to a woman with the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon telling me how to handle this situation. Now, I need to get on the phone with my PR team. Fuck off, all of you. Get back to work."

You and Roman both jumped up, quickly leaving the room. Once you were safely away from Logan, you took a deep breath and relaxed a bit.

"Jesus fucking Christ," you muttered, "I don't know how she does it."

Roman smirked, "Oh, she's a special snowflake—a real ball buster. You should see her with Tom. It's a fucking bloodbath."

“Tell me about it. It’s a raging dumpster fire, even saying more than two words to her. I feel like she's going to snap my head off any minute. I’m so tired of her bullshit, and she's the least of my worries. The whole family is a fucking disaster. And I don't have time for any of it…. No offense.”

Roman gave you a half smile. "None taken. You're right; I'm the best of a very bad lot."

"Well, at least you're self-aware."

“You fuckers talking shit about me behind my back?"

You turned and saw Shiv leaning against the wall.

"Always," replied Roman. "And it's fucking hilarious."

"Well, don't let me stop you," she said, rolling her eyes. Her eyes then shifted to you.

"I didn't realize we were having a fucking slumber party."

"Just having a bit of a break," you said.

"Oh, well, that's very fucking nice. I'm glad everyone is taking a fucking break because I've been dealing with our father, who is a raging psycho at the moment. You know, while the rest of you are fucking around, the company is dying. It's falling apart, and everyone is too fucking busy to give a shit."

"Come on, Shivvy. Take a breather. You’re starting to act like Kendall… and that's never a good look," said Roman.

"Fuck off, Ro.”

Shiv glared at him, then glanced back at you. The glare made you want to hide, but you refused to show fear in front of her. You had done it in the past, and it only fed her.

"Well," she said, "aren't you going to say anything? Or are you just going to stand there with your mouth open like an idiot?"

"I think I'll take option B. I'd like to live through this," you replied.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I think it's pretty clear."

"Yeah, I suppose it is. I guess I shouldn't expect someone like you to understand."

"Someone like me?"

“Shiv,” warned Roman, trying to interject. Personally, despite his whacked-out sense of humor, you actually enjoyed his company. He was definitely the least obnoxious of the Roy siblings. “Let’s not get into this now, okay? Just drop it."

"No. No, go ahead, Shiv. Let's have it out. Right here, right now. Let's see if you can handle it."

Shiv stared at you for a few moments, then she smiled. It wasn’t her usual smug, condescending grin. It was different, almost sincere.

"You think you're tough?" she asked.

"No. I know I am. It's a little different, don't you think?"

"Okay," she replied, her eyes darkening. She leaned forward, her face just inches from yours. Roman just looked at the two of you as if watching a tennis match. "You're so sure you can handle me. So why don't you prove it?"

"Prove it? Like, what, punch you in the face? Is that what you want?"

"Although, as satisfying as that sounds, I was thinking we all should just move on… maybe have a drink, talk it over? Yeah? No?”

Shiv just looked at you. "Yeah, I'll pass. I'm not here to make friends, and I'm certainly not here to kiss your ass."

"That's good. Because, honestly, I don't see you as the ass-kissing type. Tom, yes. You? Not a chance. You're the type who wants everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. I'm sorry, but I'm not the maid. I'm not going to serve you or kiss your ass. I'm here because I have a job to do, and I intend to do it. That's it.”

"Oh, right. I see. Well, then, why don't we cut the bullshit and just get right to it. How about you go back to whatever shithole you crawled out of and let the real people get on with things."

“Guys-” Roman started.

"Real people? Real people? You think you're real? You think this is real? I hate to break it to you, Siobhan, but you're not a princess, and this isn't a fairy tale. You're not the queen. Your father isn't the king. You're a spoiled brat, and he's… well, he’s Logan. He's not even a king. He's just a bully."

"Is that supposed to hurt me? To insult me?"

"No, but you seem like the kind of person who doesn't take criticism well. You’re doing a terrible job.”

Shiv stared at you, her lip curled up in disgust. She looked as if she were about to hit you, but the rage was just a facade.

"Well," she finally said, "It's a good thing we're not here to play fucking games, then. So why don't you shut the fuck up and get back to work? Unless, of course, you don't think you can handle it. Maybe you should just go back to where you came from, and let the real people get on with things."

Your nostrils flared. It took every ounce of strength in you not to smack the look off her face. But you knew better. If you started a fight, Logan would take your head off, and that was a fight you couldn't win. So, instead, you smiled.

"Fine," you said. "If that's what you want. I'll do my job, and you do yours. But, just remember, the day is coming when this little charade is going to come to an end, and when it does, it's going to be a lot worse than it is right now."

You didn't wait for her reply. Instead, you turned and walked away, leaving the two of them standing in the hallway.

Once you were back in the safety of your office, you collapsed into your chair and let out a sigh. You had just gotten your first taste of a Roy fight, and it was worse than you had anticipated. The worst part was Siobhan had gotten the last word. It didn't matter that you might’ve won. She had gotten the last good word, and you hated her for it.

As the hours ticked by, you became more and more frustrated. You were angry and bitter. You were pissed at yourself for letting Shiv get under your skin, and you were angry at her for getting to you.

So, when your phone rang and you saw her name, you were tempted to ignore it. You let it ring for a few seconds, then decided to answer.

"Yes?” Your attitude was short.

"Get your shit together," she snapped. “We have a meeting in five minutes. We have a lot of ground to cover."

That was, in fact, false. By the time you arrived, the conference room was deserted, and only Shiv remained. She was sitting at the table, her laptop open in front of her.

"What the hell?" you demanded.

"I'm sorry. Did you want a fucking audience? Because that can be arranged. But, if you don't mind, I would prefer not to have any interruptions."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that we are both here, and we have a job to do. Now, either sit down and help me, or fuck off. I really don't give a shit."

You stared at her, and she looked up from her laptop, raising an eyebrow. There was no audience, and there wasn’t going to be one. So, you had two options. Either walk away and look like an idiot, or stay and possibly get chewed out again. You took a deep breath and sat down.

Shiv just hummed in response, then looked back at her screen. "Good choice."

For the next couple of hours, the two of you worked together, trying to figure out a way to turn the situation around. Arguments arose, shots were fired, and at one point, Shiv threatened to kick you out, but overall, it was a productive session. Logan wouldn’t be pissed, so that was a win.

"So," Shiv said as the two of you left the building, "Did you cool down?"

"What?"

"I'm asking if you cooled down. Do you feel better now?"

"Um, yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I? You know, besides the fact that we were at each other's throats for hours and the fact that we both wanted to kill each other. I'm peachy."

"Mm, peachy." She said the word like it was an insult. "That's a strange choice of words, don't you think?”

“What? The real people don’t use the word peachy, huh? Is it beneath you, Shiv? Do you only use fancy words and proper grammar?"

"Oh, I can be a real commoner when the situation calls for it. It's all about knowing your audience."

"Really? So, is this the commoner Shiv? Should I expect a new side of you?"

"Maybe.” She smiled oddly again. The one that made you nervous. "Maybe not. That depends on you. Do you want to know the real me?"

"No, not particularly."

"Good. Because I'm not interested in showing you. I’m just curious if you have what it takes."

"To what, put up with your bullshit? To put up with a spoiled brat who thinks the world is hers for the taking? Mmm, yeah, I think I've got what it takes."

"Okay, first off, fuck you. Second, you're a piece of shit. Third, I have something to tell you. So, listen up. This is important. Okay, ready?"

You were about to say something, but her expression stopped you. Her voice was low, her tone serious. You nodded.

"I'm a bitch. And, yeah, I have a temper, and I'm not a warm and fuzzy kind of girl. But, that's the thing, I don't need to be. I don't need to pretend that I'm anything other than who I am. I don't have to fake it because I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to go after it. That’s what you need to understand. It's not about what you think you need. It's about what you want and what you're willing to do to get it."

You just stared at her, unsure of what to say.

"So, let me ask you, what do you want? And are you willing to do what it takes to get it?"

You thought about it for a second. "I want a drink. A strong one."

A little comedy never hurt anyone. And judging by her expression, you could tell you had made her smile.

"Well, that's a start." Siobhan had a smirk on her face. "Alright, fine. Let's get that drink. Then we'll see how far that gets you."

"Yeah," you muttered, "I'm sure."

But, as you walked down the street, you couldn't help but think about the question. What did you want?

And what was Siobhan offering?

#siobhan roy #siobhan roy x reader #siobhan roy x gn reader #siobhan roy/reader #siobhan roy x you #succession #sarah snook #sarah snook x reader #shiv roy #shiv roy x reader #shiv roy/reader #kendall roy #kendall roy x reader #roman roy #roman roy x reader #succession tv #succession show #tom wambsgans x reader #kendall roy x you #tom wambsgans #roman roy x you #connor roy x reader #greg hirsch x reader #connor roy #greg hirsch #x reader #fanfic #reader #fanfiction #succession fic

[fluentmoviequoter]

Locked In

Day 7 of 12 Days of Ficmas

Pairing: David “Deacon” Kay x fem!wife!reader

Summary: You surprise Deacon and 20 David with Christmas cookies, but while you’re there, an active shooter enters the station. Deacon tries to concentrate, but can’t until he knows you’re safe.

Warnings: angst, fluff, parts could be viewed as a little suggestive but that wasn’t my intention (oops), David and Deacon are used interchangeably. (set in season 1 or 2; Jessica has a very small role in this)

Word Count: 2.3k+ words

A/N: We’re just pretending that Annie doesn’t exist lol. Jay Harrington as Deacon is the only reason I watch SWAT (not kidding; I don't even like the show, I just love him), so I am excited to try my hand writing for him! I’m open to a part 2 as I plan to keep writing for Deacon!! I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

(Picture from Pinterest)

You reach over, your eyelids fluttering open when you feel the cold sheets on David’s side of the bed. Your husband isn’t supposed to be at work yet, and he went to the gym last night, so you’re expecting him to be beside you when you wake up before your alarm goes off. Rubbing your eyes, you slip out of the bed and walk to the kitchen, wrapping your arms around yourself to stay warm.

“Hey,” you say quietly, walking through the kitchen, Christmas lights twinkling in the living room.

David looks up from a book, sending you a soft smile as you approach. He leans back in his seat, raising his hands to your hips as he leads you to stand between him and the table.

“Are you okay?” you ask, laying your hands on his arms.

“Yeah, just- just been thinking.”

“About?”

He stays quiet, his eyes bouncing between yours.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, David.”

“I do, it’s just hard.”

“Hey, I get it. You’ve been through a lot in the last year. You can take the time and space you need.”

“I don’t want time or space from you. But I also don’t want to pile everything up on you. You’re my wife, not my therapist.”

You smile, stepping forward to straddle David’s lap as your arms wrap around his shoulders while his arms lay heavily on your waist.

“Why can’t I be both? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“I do. Thank you.”

“I love you, David Kay,” you whisper.

“I love you, Mrs. Kay,” David replies, smiling as he leans up to kiss you.

“You have to go to work,” you mumble against his lips as his arms tighten around you.

“You’re my therapist, write me a note,” David replies, kissing your jaw between each word.

You laugh, which turns to a squeal when he stands, lifting you in his arms and carrying you back to the bedroom. He tosses you on the bed, laughing when you bounce on impact.

“What do you want for dinner?” you ask.

“Turning into a housewife?”

“What can I say? You have that effect on me,” you joke.

He pulls his uniform out of the closet, hanging it on a hook before approaching the bed.

“You’re distracting.”

“You’re easily distractible. But, I’ll let you go to work.”

You sigh as you stand, kissing David one last time as you walk by him to get ready.

“Have a great day.”

“I always do, when I know you’re waiting for me.”

✯✯✯✯✯

After David leaves, you spend the morning wondering what could be weighing so heavily on his mind. You know that he puts on a brave face, but you don’t want him to have to be a rock around you - for you - all the time. Deciding that David could use a little Christmas cheer and a special visit at work today, you walk to the kitchen and start baking cookies. As you bake, you come to a realization of your own, and your first thought is that you need to talk to David about it. Every cookie recipe David has ever told you he enjoyed or eaten too many of is baked and decorated before you’re ready to visit him. You’re sure his team won’t mind the abundance of cookies.

Someone says your name when you enter, and you smile as Jessica approaches.

“Cookies for… the whole LAPD?” she guesses.

“It started as cookies for David, but I think I went a little overboard. Think anyone is interested?”

“Oh,” she pauses to laugh and wrap an arm around your shoulders. “The whole team is very interested.”

You let her steer you through the station, your smile growing when you hear David's voice.

“Guys, look what I found,” Jessica announces when you enter.

David says your name, his eyes wide as he walks to you.

“Are those cookies?” Street asks, standing on his tiptoes to see at the plate over Deacon’s shoulder.

“Figured everyone could use some holiday cheer,” you say, letting Deacon take the plate and set it on the table.

He points between Tan and Luca, demanding, “Do not eat them all.”

Hondo laughs, teasing them more as Deacon hugs you, keeping an arm around you as he reaches forward and takes two cookies.

“Man, you married up,” Hondo says around a cookie.

“Sure did,” David agrees.

“Can I get this recipe?” Chris asks, holding up a tender sugared-gingerbread hybrid cookie.

“No,” Deacon answers, while you nod and wink at her.

“Thank you so much,” Tan tells you.

“Yeah, you have no idea how much we needed these today, Mrs. Deac,” Luca adds, hugging you.

“Of course. Merry Christmas, guys,” you reply.

An alarm goes off, and you step back as the team crowds around the monitors. Deacon reads something, then looks over his shoulder, first at Jessica, who looks up from her phone, then at you.

“Get her somewhere safe,” Hondo commands. “Gear up!”

David takes your hand, and you wordlessly follow him, jogging alongside him as you travel through the station. He opens a door, pulling his sidearm out to clear the room before instructing you to sit. He kneels in front of you, holding your face as he speaks.

“There’s an active shooter,” he informs you gently. “I need you to stay here.”

You nod, but he shakes his head and adds, “I need you to tell me, promise me, that you are going to stay here and stay safe.”

“I promise, Deac,” you say, leaning into his hands.

He rocks forward onto his toes, kissing you quickly before standing. He sets a radio on the table beside you; he doesn’t tell you, but you know it’s in case you need him. A worst-case-scenario savior that he prays you won’t need.

“Go,” you whisper. “Be safe.”

He nods, slowly pulling his hand from your shoulder as he leaves, the door locking behind him.

“Keep him safe,” you whisper upwards.

✯✯✯✯✯

After he leaves you, he joins Hondo and the rest of 20 David, but he barely registers Hondo’s direction as his mind stays on you.

“Deacon, Street, you’re with me,” Hondo finishes, looking directly at Deacon.

They navigate the hallways slowly until Hondo signals for them to stop. He pulls his phone from his pocket, reading a message before turning to Deacon and Street.

“Jessica and Hicks think the DA is the target. He’s holed up outside the armory. Rocker is with him now, but they need an escort,” Hondo relays the information to them quietly. “You two go get the DA, get him secure, then meet me.”

“You got it,” Deacon says as Street nods.

They move carefully, pausing at each corner. Just as they reach the DA and Rocker, a gunshot sounds in the distance. Deacon tenses, trying to deduce where the shot came from.

“Shooter located. Hallway southeast of the armory,” someone says over the radio.

Deacon releases a breath, his tension leaking out now that he knows the shooter is moving away from you. Street puts the DA between him and Deacon, allowing Deacon to lead the way. Deacon decides to move north, away from the shooter and closer to you. Street recommends the same room you’re in, and Deacon quickly agrees.

The door moves, and you grab the radio before moving against the wall. David comes in, and you step away from the wall, dropping the hand clutching the radio to your side. Two more people follow him into the room before they close the door and it locks.

Deacon tilts his head, silently asking you to sit down. You do, and he sits beside you, pulling his glasses off to look into your eyes. 

“Shooter moving toward you, 20 David. By our count, he should be running low on ammo,” Rocker radios.

“Go,” you whisper, seeing Deacon’s eyes widen at the idea of his team under attack.

He nods, but you stop him as he begins to stand. Raising your fingers to his jaw, you turn his face toward you.

“Promise me,” you say. “Promise me that you will focus. You have to be safe for yourself, for your team… for me.”

“I can’t just push you out of my mind like that,” he admits.

“Then remember and think about the version of me that can protect myself. But I can only do that if I know that you’re coming back to me.”

David nods, his eyes glassy as he whispers his promise. You know he means it, and you send a comforting smile to the DA, offering him cookies when the situation is clear.

“That- that would actually be really nice. I could use some cookies today,” the DA says, chuckling.

“Seems that most of us could,” you agree.

✯✯✯✯✯

You hear two gunshots and thundering footsteps echo before the doorknob rattles.

“We’re comin’ in,” David says through the door.

“It’s okay, they’re SWAT,” you inform the DA, who’s backing into a corner. When he sees their uniforms, he relaxes and walks out to talk to Hicks and Cortez. 

David’s arms wrap around you, holding you tight against his chest. 

“It’s all clear. We got him,” David tells you as he leads you back to the team.

“Thank you for coming back to me,” you tell him.

“I always will,” he replies.

When you turn the corner, you see 20 David gathered around the table, looking no worse for the wear as they each grab another cookie. The previously full plate has dwindled to nearly nothing in the short time since you arrived.

“The DA said you offered him a cookie?” Chris asks, smiling as you walk in.

“He looked like he was going to cry,” you defend.

Deacon laughs as Jessica yells her agreement from outside. Deacon’s arm is still around you, and he pulls you closer as the team talks about the DA’s reaction to the situation. They silence suddenly, and you look over to see them staring at the last cookie.

“Can I have the last one?” Street asks you, smiling kindly.

“What? No, man. I’ve known her longer, I should get it,” Luca argues.

“I caught the shooter!” Tan adds incredulously.

They look to you, but Deacon speaks instead. “I’m married to her.”

Everyone else groans and looks up at the ceiling.

“Street, you can have the cookie,” you answer.

He cheers as Deacon looks down at you with wide puppy-dog eyes, an accusation of your betrayal ready.

“There’s more at home,” you whisper conspiratorially.

“You guys want to come to a Christmas party next weekend for more cookies?” Deacon asks; you’d be surprised at his willingness to share if you didn’t know him so well and love him for all the reasons he’s demonstrated today.

“We’ll be there,” Hondo answers, smiling as the rest of the team nods. “And thanks for the cookies today.”

Hondo walks around Luca and Tan, who are still arguing over the cookie, to stand beside you. “You’re pretty brave for a cookie elf,” he teases you.

“Have you ever had to try cookie recipes until you found one that David Kay liked enough to request again? Being a cookie elf is no simple task, Sergeant Harrelson,” you reply.

Hondo laughs, patting your shoulder as he walks by. David smiles at you and offers to walk you to your car. As you leave the room, he looks over his shoulder quickly.

“I’ll be home soon. My shift is ending,” David tells you as he opens your door.

“Okay. Thanks for protecting me, David.”

“Always.”

He kisses you quickly, leaning down to buckle your seatbelt.

“Um, David? Can we talk about something when you get home?” you ask, remembering your earlier thoughts.

His brows furrow even as he nods.

“It’s not important - I mean, it is important but nothing you need to worry about.”

“Of course.”

✯✯✯✯✯

David gets home just a few minutes after you do. You meet him at the door, smiling and raising your arms for a hug as he walks to you. He laughs but humors you by pulling you close.

“Hondo let us leave a few minutes early,” David says into your shoulder.

You pull back to ask him how everyone is, but he doesn’t give you the chance before he kisses you. The kiss is the one you assume he wanted to have at the station after the shooter was captured; it says that he loves you, will always protect you, and will be by your side forever.

David’s arms wrap around your waist, tapping twice to signal you to jump up. You wrap your legs around him, smiling into the kiss as he hooks an arm under your hips and walks inside, kicking the door closed behind him. He carries you into the kitchen, setting you on the counter as the smell of cookies greets you. When you smell the cookies, you realize how prevalent the taste of ginger, brown sugar, and a faint undertone of chocolate is.

When you feel like you can’t catch your breath, you place a hand on David’s chest and lean back.

“You taste like cookies,” you accuse breathlessly.

“I ate the last one,” he whispers.

“Jim wanted it.”

David smiles, pinching your waist before kissing you again, reminding you who you’re supposed to make cookies for.

“Hey,” David interjects, pulling back again. “I know you said you wanted to talk about something, but can I go first?”

You nod, keeping your arms hooked over his shoulders as his fingers trace circles against the skin of your sides. 

“Our anniversary is coming up on the 23rd and I’ve been thinking that I want to do something special. Today made me realize that I was right, we do deserve something big. I think we should renew our vows.”

You smile, pulling yourself forward to hug David. 

“I love that idea. I wanted to ask the same thing,” you admit. “We’ve changed, our priorities have changed, but I’m still wholly devoted to you.”

“Really? We had the exact same idea?”

“Great minds.”

“And great cookies,” David adds, smiling as he leans in. “Merry Christmas to us.”

#fluentmoviequoter12daysoffics #david kay x reader #david deacon kay x reader #deacon kay x reader #david kay #david deacon kay #fluff #fem!reader #swat cbs

[stuckybingo]

It is time to Resurrect Stucky!

Reclists Part 5

Back in December, the call was put out for fans to create a Stucky Renaissance on Tumblr. We at Stucky Bingo are all about our two favorite centenarians and participants for this event helped to create a series of reclists for all of our fellow Stucky enthusiasts to enjoy.

This reclist is dedicated to Multi-Chaptered Fanfics and Series. Those long reads you save for the long flights and spend all night reading while telling yourself "just one more chapter" all while keeping it safe to read at work.

James Barnes: The Underworld's Best Friend by PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson, WinterSabbath (Teen, 31k) “I get called in every time these things happen.” James motioned to the room. “Then I offer my expertise.” Steve blinked. “Do these things happen often or something?” “Well, not to this magnitude, no.” At the blank look the team gave him, James shrugged. “Usually it’s a vampire forgetting they can’t prey on humans anymore. Or a banshee causing trouble in California. The occasional fairy goes on a chocolate-stealing spree and it’s my job to give them a stern talking to. That kinda stuff.” “Excuse me?” Tony held up a hand. “What the fuck?” In which Steve meets James Barnes—SHIELD’s consultant for all things supernatural—and discovers that there is a much bigger world waiting to be explored, and the man who introduces him to this world is a lot more charming than Steve expected.

Without You Here, We Are A Worse Version Of Who We’ve Been by endlesstwanted, Estelior (Teen, 10.9k) Bucky has to plan how to do his physical therapy when, by chance, he finds therapist and gym owner Steve’s videos on YouTube. Located two blocks away and encouraged by his roommate, Bucky goes and meets Steve, gets the help he didn’t know he needed, and a couple of things more in the way.

if I'm going to get back to you someday by napricot (Teen, 46k) “What’s the plural for a group of Steves?” asks Natasha, and it’s weirdly comforting that the question has a hint of whimsical hysteria to it. Good, Bucky’s not the only one who’s not dealing well with all of this. “A clusterfuck,” he says. “A clusterfuck of Steves.” Despite how little sense his life has made since he got on a battlefield to fight a bunch of aliens, Bucky's pretty sure he knows exactly what's happened when a much older Steve appears after the mission to return the Infinity Stones: he left Bucky behind to get his much deserved happily ever after in the past. Only then another Steve shows up, and another. And Bucky realizes he still hasn't got any idea what's going on.What he does have is a whole lot of Steves, a fraught relationship with his own Steve, and tentative plans to leave. But the more Bucky talks to all these different versions of Steve, the more he begins to wonder if leaving really is what's best for him and his Steve, or if there's a way to make something new out of their long friendship.

Forgive Me If You Remember by Judeyjude (Teen, 53k, Warnings: Canonical Character Death, The Deaths Are Temporary) When they finally tumbled into bed, Bucky straddled Steve and said, “Just because we danced, doesn’t mean you can die.” Steve pulled Bucky down and kissed him slowly. “Never,” he whispered in Bucky’s ear. Part 1: In which Bucky yells at a National Icon, grieves the aftermath of the world losing half its population, and somehow falls in love along the way. Part 2: When time rewinds five years, everything Bucky had ever wanted suddenly becomes true—to have his family back. The price paid? Worldwide memory loss.

No Such Men Return by glasscaskets (Teen, 52k, Warnings: Period Typical Attitudes, Non-Consentual Body Modification, Body Horror, PTSD, Implied Torture) When he is thirteen, Bucky Barnes decides he has to learn to fight to protect the people he loves. This singular mission never really stops. OR: Filling in the gaps of three Captain America movies and the life and times of James Buchanan Barnes and the first and best thing he ever loved: Steve Rogers.

take my hand (take my whole life too) by SgtGraves, spinawren (Teen, 36k) HYDRA may have been revealed and taken down in the span of a few hours, but the repercussions are far more extensive. Steve Rogers, now ex-SHIELD agent, expects to be feeling them in his life for years. What he didn't expect was for them to reach into him and change the most fundamental thing he thought he knew about himself - that he doesn't have a soulmate.

Stop Trolling Me! by GoodbyeBlues (Teen, 21k) When the dust had settled and James was collecting his $10 winnings to the congratulations of the other Bingo patrons, Steve not included, Steve vowed that next week he would not be pulled into the sexy vortex of this Bingo playing bad boy. If Steve never saw James, darling of the Bingo hall, Russian sex God, and ruthless troll collector again, he would be fine. Just fine. ... A.K.A Oblivious Steve is very bad at having an arch-enemy. (Particularly because he confuses 'dating' with 'acts of war.')

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Venom by ReformedTsundere (Teen, 19k) Steve Rogers has a secret. By day, he's a scrawny illustrator with bad lungs who can barely get up the rickety stairs to his apartment. By night, he's known as Captain, a mage of extraordinary power and a fighter for justice.

Beyond the Yellow Book Road by crinklefries (Teen, 30k) Before he was Captain America, he was Steve Rogers, knobby kneed and wild-eyed, with scrapes on his knuckles and a book in his hands. In 1942, he leaves for war and eventually crashes the Valkyrie. That's only the beginning of his story. In 2011, Steve's body is dragged from ice off the coast of Greenland. In 2015, he meets a bookstore clerk. This is what happens when a superhero loses his way home and the only way back is through the Yellow Book Road.

This Feeling We Carry In Our Souls by jinlinli (Teen, 26k, Warnings: Panic Attacks) Bucky hasn’t seen his own soul mark in seven years, not since a doctor sawed off his left arm to save his life. So it’s a little bit of a shock when he walks into Stark Tower and sees at least a dozen people with his soul mark proudly emblazoned on their skin. And that’s how Bucky finds out he’s soulmates with Captain fucking America.

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail by owlet (Teen, Series, 264k, Warnings: PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dissociation) The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

Workplace Hazards by AggressiveWhenStartled (Teen, Series, 33k) Today, Peter was honest-to-god going to see Captain America himself up close, in person, and not from a rooftop or tiny crevice like a creepy stalker fanboy. Even better, he was going to watch Steve Rogers make history by soldiering his beleaguered way through the most intensely awkward and honestly ridiculous press conference in the history of ever-- jaw thrust out and spine ramrod straight. Trying hard to be polite and respectful in the face of adversity. While a bunch of assholes with cameras and microphones shouted at him about Iron Man’s adolescent dick.

#stucky #resurrect stucky day #stucky bingo #stucky fanfic #fanfic #sfw fanfic #multi chap fic #stucky series

[chenfordsbby]

"Redwood"

Season 1 Episode 11: “Redwood”

“An unscheduled visit by the vice president of the United States puts the station on high alert; the Secret Service tasks Nolan and Bishop with checking out a possible threat while the rest of the team tries to keep the streets safe for his visit”

Original Air Date: January 22, 2019

Written By: Ally Seibert, Liz Apler

Directed By: Sylvain White

Happy Sunday! Do we like that I post these on Sundays? I am just trying to gauge when people are hyper active on Tumblr and the first blog drop seemed to be a success on Sunday early night- but I don’t seem to be getting the same response on the rest of the drops as much as I did the first one.  Either way, it is not going to stop me from doing these!!!

I am excited to get into another one, let’s Get in the Shop, shall we!

______________________________________________

The cold open, a classic riot, I have gathered that whatever the opening scene is, really has nothing to do with the storyline of the rest of the episode, but I think that is the point of them.  It brings a bit of banter, comedy, tragedy, all at the same time or individually.  Nothing like an elderly woman bringing in pistols and land mines into a police station!

The episode begins with John talking to Ben about the tragedy of his past life- his old house that he shared with his ex-wife is being listed on the market, and he’s being nostalgic about it; but like Ben says, Sarah (John’s ex-wife) is moving in and living in the present and so should he.

The station is packed full with every officer- the Vice President is coming into town and everyone is now on high demand.  Everyones gear bags are stacked to the brim with extra weapons and precautions. 

John and Talia get assigned to a special task force- a “Level 2” on the presidents watch list- a person who has made and posted numerous times online threatening the vice president.  Talia is a bit more positive this episode and John notices and points it out to her; she is trying to approach every day a bit differently than the last.Stanley, the man they were tasked to watch- ends up running with a bag full of flares; enough evidence to lock his ass up.  Back at the station, John is still hung up over his old house, he can’t quite seem to let it go, but everyone else around him is telling him he should.  When Grey assigns them a new task, Talia is more than cheerful to accept it and even Grey notices that Talia is acting strange, why is she so chipper and happy.  They get tasked to be the “Gofers” of every other cops that are on VP cleaning duty: whatever the other cops need, Talia and John are there to help and support them.  While walking through the streets, a road rage incident turns deadly when a tractor trailer driver takes out his shotgun to scare the other driver but in doing so, shoots a women who was in her car behind him in the chest, and she dies within seconds.

In trying to decompress from the events that just happened, Talia tells John that the reason she has been more positive is because her therapist told her to.  John admires how brave Talia is by sharing that she is going to therapy, especially because it  is looked down upon by the “men in blue”.  I feel like therapy should be the first thing police officers would want to do every day after being on the job.  The stuff that they witness and experience can be traumatizing, and therapy would only help them work through it.  John gives his kudos to Talia.  Who John and Talia have to clean out a whole new street for the VP to get a sandwich, they are sweep the streets and get a peak at a some dirty happenings going down in a shady street…a robbery is about to happen at a dispensary.  With no back up on the way because of all the road closures, its just them and I have to say, Talia is super impressive in this moment.  She knows what to do and exactly how to do handle this situation.  The guys come out of the dispensary and shots are immediately fired.  Angela and Jackson come to help John and Talia, and take the driver of the getaway car to the hospital as he was shot in the neck by one of the stray bullets.  At the end of the day, John thanks Talia for talking to him about his worrying over the selling of his old house and she jokes around that, “she’ll send him the bill”.

How long has it been since we have seen Tim and Lucy in the same scene together for more than 5 seconds? Oh yeah too long! We start right off the bat, with Lucy looking forward to being called in on her day off, as that means overtime and more money.  All Lucy is thinking about is fixing the air conditioning in her car, but her eagerness quickly fades away as Tim shuts her down real quick, “Air conditioning makes you soft.  You gotta get comfortable with being uncomfortable”.  I think we have officially been introduced to the Grumpy/Sunshine trope of Tim and Lucy and I am appreciating it.

With having too clear out majority of the streets of LA for the VP, Tim and Lucy end up going to a street occupied by all homeless people to inform them of just that.   When Lucy breaks up a fight between two of the homeless women, she gets thrown in between them and knocked down.  When Tim comes over to help her, he’s immediately serious.  They both look down and Lucy is stabbed by a very used and very old hypodermic needle.  When Tim pulls the needle out, there is blood on the tip.  I think this is the first time that Lucy’s life is at risk while on the job, Who knows how many people syringe went through and with whatever drugs was pushed through it as well and now it ended up in Lucy’s body.  Her panic is setting in quick and fast.  Tim and Lucy get to the hospital for Lucy to get examined- the on call nurse tries to have Lucy to sit down and fill out paperwork, and because Lucy doesn’t know any better, she starts to do just that, but that doesn’t work for Tim.  Lucy is an on-duty officer with a utility belt loaded with armed weapons who just got STABBED by a dirty needle- the paperwork be damed, she is getting put into a room with a doctor immediately.  My words aren’t doing justice to how Tim stood up for Lucy.  This needle got Lucy, but this also affects Tim as well.  You saw it in his face when he was the one who spotted the needle in her.  He became soft again, worried.  If something tragic happens to Lucy, in hindsight it’s going to happen to him too.  

When Tim goes into Lucy’s room after her blood test is done, she is anything but calm.  Tim grabs her phone, and Lucy is down the WebMD rabbit hole of HP-V and Hep-C, among anything else that she could potentially get from a dirty needle.  Lucy is spiraling and Tim picks up on it.  Lucy is thinking of every single worse case scenario is this results come back positive and what that means for her future as a cop as well as Tim’s.  The Lucy we saw excited to be working OT is long gone in this exam room.  You can see her quivering, trying to hold back her tears;  In no surprise though, Tim is being exactly who Lucy needs to be around right now and saying everything that she needs to hear.  No matter what she things or googles, none of that is going to change whatever the results say.  Tim is being his full sincere self in trying to get Lucy through this and she sees it.

While Lucy is putting herself back together in the bathroom, she talks to a distraught women who is more than upset over her brother, who was just in a car accident.  When she leaves, Lucy looks behind her and sees a bottle of bleach on the floor of the stall that she just came out of.  Lucy follows her into her brothers room and she has a syringe filled with bleach aimed at her brothers neck.  I mean to kick one when they’re down is putting it lightly.  Lucy just went through her own hell with a needle, now she has to come face to face with another needle in an entirely different situation all while not even being over her own ordeal.  Its too much for her to handle on her own, and she radios for TIm.  Lucy tries to be empathetic towards this woman, and talk her out of doing it, but it’s no use, as the woman has made her decision.  SHe inserts the needle directly into his neck, but doesn’t have enough time to push the plunger as Lucy tases her.  Tim has to go back to the station, but lets Lucy know that she should stay at the hospital and wait for her results.  As he’s leaving, she stops him and thanks him, with Tim immediately responding, “For what? Doing my Job”.  Lucy would still be in a completely different head space if it weren’t for Tim.  He knew what to do the second Lucy was stabbed and didn’t even bat an eye.  They have been riding together for 4 months t this point, and some type of friendship has been established between them, its very evident.

Lucy’s results are in and with Jackson by her side, the doctor informs her that she is negative for any diseases such as HIV and Hepatitis, but she does have a staph infection, and needs to start IV antibiotics.  You can literally see the weight being lifted off of Lucy’s shoulders when she gets her results.  Pure relief.  Without even asking Jackson tells Lucy that he will call Tim for her so he can be there when she gets out.  Its a nice gesture on Jackson’s part and one that he doesn’t even have to do.  

Jackson starts the episode being distracted with his cell and continues to be distracted with it.  Commander Grey doesn’t like it and neither does Angela.  Distractions call for trouble.  Angela and Jackson respond to protesters outside of a hotel and inform them that they need to move or get cuffed.  Yeah, nobody budged.  Jackson and Angela are going through an apartment complex to have the residents remove obscene flags in everybody’s windows.  They have gotten though to everyone and when they get to the last apartment, something is not right.  Jackson kicks down the door so he and Angela can get in and come face to face with an elderly women tied up to her wheelchair.  She tells Angela that her son, Luke, did it to her and when he comes back in Jackson is on edge and ready to throw some nasty words.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact he has been pre-occupied by his phone all day with his mom.  Angela and Jackson arrest Luke, the son, for elder abuse. 

Jackson finally lets Angela in on why he’s been so distracted, his mom.  They haven’t been talking since before he entered the academy and on his first day off in a while, aka today, he was going to meet her for lunch to talk. So with being called into work, plans got thwarted and he’s been trying to smooth them over all day.  Angela thanks him for letting her in, but like she said, “being distracted on the job will get you killed”. Jackson and Angela hear the call from John and Talia and are told that they can’t leave the complex, but were talking about Angela here.  They come to John and Talias rescue.  The road closures make it harder to get the GSW victim to the hospital, but Angela and Jackson get him there and in time for surgery.  While cleaning himself up, Jackson spots Lucy sitting in the waiting room, and Lucy tells him what is going on with her.  Nobody knows what happened with her except for Tim and with Tim gone, Jackson waits and sits with her.  I think the friendship between Jackson and Lucy is starting to form and grow into something special.  Jackson starts to open up to Lucy about his family and what he went through right before entering the academy, and in doing so, we find out why Jackson and his mom haven’t talked, because of his decisions of choosing the academy over his own family.  Angela finds Jackson at the hospital and tells him how far he’s come in his training. 

The episode ends with John, Lucy and Jackson all hanging out together at Ben/John’s house and we finally see John signing the papers and relinquishing his old house and you can tell that it is bittersweet for John, but in ones Ben with a package and its a doorjamb from Henrys room at the house, and its a nice closure gift for John.

_______________________________________________________

Honorable Mention: Ben. He isn't a major character, but when he is on-screen, he gives us everything.

Episode Peak: Soft Tim

Episode Pit: Injured Lucy

Quote of the Episode: “I thought air-conditioning made me soft”~ Lucy Chen

Episode Rating: 8/10.  I liked this episode.  It gave us some of the more iconic Chenford scenes and it showed us the early stages of the forming friendships of Jackson and Lucy and even Tim and Lucy.  Before this episode, al we have seen is T.O Tim and Rookie Lucy, but this episode we saw some real foundations of their friendship/relationship starting.  We got a little bit more of everyones personal life as well! I can’t wait for more!

Thanks for reading along for another one guys, whether you just look at the pics, skimming through or giving e a like for the hell of it, I really do appreciate it all!

Until next time on, “Get in the Shop”…

#The Rookie #Season 1 Episode 11 #Redwood #Tim Bradford #Lucy Chen #Chenford #1x11 #John Nolan #Angela Lopez #Jackson West #Melissa O'Neil #Eric WInter #get in the shop: the rookie re-cap blog #thank you all so much for continuing to read my thoughts #I appreciate you all #I love doing this so much #Talia Bishop #Wade Grey

[dissociativedreadtheatre]

Were currently struggling to accept help. Its been hard and confusing but our whole lives anytime anyone (doctors and therapists included) try to validate us or even when reading other peoples experiences that we relate to our stomach twists up, our mind gets fuzzy and our chest feels like its getting stabbed.

Something stops us from being able to relate to people, to feel valid and safe. The feeling of warmth and safty always gets ripped from us. Its isolating to say the least. We know that at one point we were seen as some godlike entity or that one could talk threw us? So were not "suppose" to have anything wrong with us and were really not "suppose" to relate to "normal people" but this often leaves us feeling like we have nothing wrong with us and so arnt allowed in victim spaces if we dont idetify with anything having happened to us even tho we do logically know it did.

Even when doctors tell us somethings wrong with us we cant believe them. Even when we DO logically believe them its like no matter how much I want to I just cant. I can get blood tests to come back positive on illnesses and STILL cant get myself to believe any of it.

I know we have programed parts set to not take medications and not listen to medical or social cues unless approved by someone of power. Im not sure if there are just more programs then we know about or if one just kinda permeates all of it. We recently left the family behind but the mother was the only person our programs listened to. Were just not sure what to do anymore. We want to join your discord, we want to access recrosses, we want to be able to take our medications, we want to believe our doctor when they say we have a chronic illness and be able to use our mobility aides. But we just cant...something stops us each and every time and it hurts and im at my complete wits end over it all. Sometimes its a spinning feeling, sometimes its a painful feeling, sometimes someone else fronts and they stop us, sometimes fragments stop us, its all just so much to much to type up. We have no way of finding a therapist for help to break any of this down. At times me and my system cant help but feel like failures. Before finding all of this we use to think we were a really shitty system for how disordered and debilitating our systoms with DID are. People say you can live a healthy plurl life and you can work together if you just work on it and splitting happens less and you can send out alters to help were you need it and like...we try our hardest we all really do. and i love my system for everything and yes we have been able to work together but also we just split more and more and more and the nightmears and hullusiations are so sary and we cant get ahold of ourselves and we DONT work like a big team there are to many of us and so many people ahve to split up their prioritys betwene parts and honestly were just to damn tired. were just to exsaughted to keep doing this alone. oh im so sorry :( we didnt mean to rant like this were sorry

You genuinely have nothing to apologise about, you are allowed to use our asks in such ways to yell and scream because it means that you are getting it out rather then keeping it in.

The first step in healing is acknowledging the fact that how you're existing at the moment needs to change. It is the want that is really important, you want to have access to resources and take medical aids that will help your quality of life. That is the first step, and you've admitted that to us, which means you genuinely want to change the way things are.

Deprogramming is something that can not be forced, yes therapy and medical settings do help for a large sum of people however sometimes that privilege is not there and sometimes therapy doesn't help. It is understandable that accepting help is difficult, especially if you have been programmed to quite literally not accept it. However right here and now, you have reached out to us, that is a really big step in the right direction of healing! That is genuinely incredible and you should be proud of yourself!

For systems who are survivors, when you're just starting to realise the trauma you went through, even listening to other survivors is daunting, and horrifying. It takes time to realise that what happened, is not your fault, you didn’t have any control over it, and you can't change what happened. Living in denial is a coping mechanism that can be incredibly harmful, however if it is what you need to do right now to exist, there isn't anything wrong with leaving the trauma processing to another day.

It is a hard battle between you logical and mental thinking, often logically you know so much but attempting to convince you irrational thinking? Your emotional thinking? That is incredibly difficult and hard to change, and it definitely will not change over night, it takes time, and energy. So instead of attempting to fix it all ASAP, take your time, take your time in the world because attempting to rush your healing, will make it infinitely worse.

A part of programming is denial programming, a failsafe for your thinking process that is used against you to make you believe, and truly believe, that none of your trauma happened. None of your hurt that you feel happened. It is an incredibly hard program to over come because you logically want to heal and take steps forward but you feel dragged back by other parts. It sounds like a lot of the things you exhibit such as spinning, and a painful feeling, are all forms of programs that I and several others exhibit.

It is hard to believe that you are not alone in this battle, but I promise, you've reached out to us, and that is incredible process. Incredible process to begin healing. To recognise that what happened, happened, and the responses you get now are valid because what happened, was fucked up, and it majorly effected you. Take you time, I know I am sure as hell not going anywhere, we will always be here, take your time with healing. You healing will take as much or as little time as it needs.

Take your time, you're not alone, take deep breaths, and know, you are allowed to not be okay, its okay to not be okay. I believe in you, you've got this.

#ramcoa #ramcoa server #tbmc #dbmc

[brothersgrim]

FRUIT HEADCANON ASKS

@asteraex​ asked:

🍐- Taker

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?  

Oh, he’s a smart guy. He's had to be. He was fourteen when he stopped receiving any kind of formal education, mostly because he was dead. Also because he was a slave. That didn’t help. 

But he’s smart. 

Like, let’s just look at all the things he, canonically, knows how to do. First off, he’s a carpenter. Yes, he makes coffins and caskets, but there were other projects in the workshop WWE gave him, including wagon wheels and furniture. Given that that’s HIS workshop, those are also HIS projects, so it stands to reason he just makes all sorts of things. I like to think he handles most of the carpentry/repair jobs in the Valley. (This actually has historical basis, too. Most carpenters were also undertakers back in the day, and vice versa. That was the case in my home town, anyway.) He’s also a blacksmith. A lot of people forget this one, but he is - he works a forge in some of the late 90s promos. He makes most of the hardware for the caskets and his other projects himself. He also repairs his own tools. 

Speaking of repairs, he fixes bikes. He has a wide collection of them, and he’ll repair them, or even sometimes build them from scratch, on his own. It’s his favourite hobby, outside of working out and fighting, and he considers it almost a form of meditation. His bikes are his babies. 

He can also draw, and, from the brief glimpses of his work we see, he’s a pretty talented artist. We mostly just see the blueprints he makes, but the anatomy is clean, the lines are crisp, and it seems to have a slightly cartoon-y style, which is oddly cute to me. I dunno. 

Anyway, he's also a practising mortician. He does the whole embalming, dressing, and clean up process on his own, especially when Paul's not around. That requires a lot of knowledge of human anatomy, chemistry, and colour theory, among a lot of other things. It takes a LOT.

He’s canonically at least bilingual, speaking both English and Ancient Gaelige. (The second is mostly in his Ministry Era, but he does speak it on multiple occasions - including the chants in the Ministry theme song.) 

He’s a great fighter, which requires strategy, problem-solving, and a knack for quick thinking. If you can’t make plans, you can’t fight, simple as. If your opponent can outthink you, you’re going to lose. And he’s a damn good fighter. 

He’s also pretty people-smart, which surprises a lot of those who know him. There are a few examples of this. First off, again, he’s a funeral director. He has to know how to talk to grieving families, and if he does a bad job of that, the home goes under. Second, he’s really good at handling Kane. Yes, he loves his brother, but there’s more to it than just that. The way he talks to Kane - and I know I’ve said this before - is actually exactly how therapists recommend talking to people in abusive relationships. It’s not your fault, it’s okay, you’re safe, I’ll be here for you no matter what, you don’t have to choose between us, so on and so forth. When Kane messes up the Last Ride in their match against Kai and Tai, instead of getting mad at him, Taker pauses the match, shows him how to do it properly, and makes a point of expressing pride and approval when Kane gets it right, because he knows that’s what his little brother needs. Even outside of Kane, the other guys in the locker room have a tendency to listen to and respect Taker, and even go to him for advice. This is most obvious during the American Badass era, and even more so during the Invasion era. Vince, Chris Jericho, and a bunch of other guys say that they need Taker in meetings for anyone to take them seriously. This even extends to other eras - in the mid 2010s, Team Smackdown can’t agree to work together, so, after Edge and Jerry Lawler fail to get them to play nice, they call in Taker to make people behave. 

It works. 

Yes, he threatens to murder them, but it works. He deals with different people different ways. 

The last example I can give of this is how he deals with Shawn during the feud with Triple H that lead up to the infamous cage match. This is a brutal thing that mostly involves Hunter gaslighting the fuck out of Shawn to pit him against Taker. Interestingly, Taker in this feud mostly retaliates by trying to build Shawn back up. Hunter convinces Shawn that Taker is shit-talking Shawn behind his back. This drives Shawn to yell at Taker, retaliate to how he thinks Taker is talking about him, and Taker doesn’t yell back. You can tell he’s annoyed by the whole thing, but he keeps it pretty reeled in, all things considered, and tells Shawn that Shawn should know him well enough by now to know he would never talk behind anyone’s back - but Hunter would. This culminates later in a face-off between Hunter and Taker, with Shawn standing by. Hunter was trying to get in Shawn’s head again, Taker comes out, and gives one of my favourite lines of his  - “Remember when I said that Shawn was better than you? … He is.” And leaves at that. It’s great on both ends, because he knows that’s what Hunter hates most, he knows Hunter’s insecure as hell behind the front he puts on, and more than that, he also knows it’s what Shawn needs to hear - and saying it in front of Shawn means Hunter can’t say it didn’t happen. 

He’s a manipulative bastard when he wants to be, that deadman. 

But, yeah. All this to say, he’s clearly demonstrated high intelligence in a number of different areas. As for where he learned it all, in most fields, he’s largely self-taught. Mortuary sciences, carpentry, smithing, he started to learn that from his parents, yeah, but he was twelve when they died. He got a lot of hands-on experience, he watched them his entire life, but again, he was twelve. He only had so much time, and there was only so much his parents would let him do at that age. Motorcycle repair, that’s self-taught. The Gaelige, he started learning that from his mother, picked it up later from some residents of the Yard (and the Morrigan, who is only there sometimes and doesn’t fully count). The fight smarts, that’s self-taught. It had to be. You either learn to fight, or you wake up in the crypt again. And his people smarts, I think it’s a mix of self-taught and learned. Some of what he’s working with, you can’t be taught, you have to just be the right person for it. Some of the kinder aspects, again, he learned from watching his parents. He learned from watching them with each other, with him and Kane, with the grieving families the home served before the fire. Some of it is, again, just who he is under all the emotional armour. The mean stuff… Well, that’s the same way. Except he learned it from Paul. He learned it from Paul, and Ted, and even Vince to some degree, and the people they dealt with. 

He learned a lot from them. 

#&& reburied; ooc #&& whispers from the crypt; deadman answers #&& necronimcon; deadman headcanon #asteraex

[soullikethesea]

I've spent the whole rest of the day trying to calm down.

T was hard. It was even quieter than usual (for obvious lack-of-voice related reasons). I tried to coax T into taking more of a lead by talking about a previous T named L.

T really went with that idea and made L her imaginary co-therapist. She kept asking what L would do or say. The whole session mostly turned out to be about safety. It didn't feel safe enough with her to actually go and do trauma work.

It was strange to notice how scary it felt when T asked me to stand up. I was so glad when she said I was allowed to sit back down. I kept panicking more and more about not feeling "hidden" enough when I was standing.

And yeah, we also talked about insurance. She's involved in the policy making, so she has a lot of insider-info.

She assured me that we wouldn't just break off sessions all at once if I couldn't afford it anymore. And then she started talking about referring me to a trauma center. She introduced it by saying that she works with them. So first I thought I would be with them administratively and would still be able to see her, but no. She works as a psychiatrist for them, so realistically in my case she wouldn't see me anymore (but she didn't say that). She said that people there are always seen by teams.

And then I burst into tears. From (a) losing her, and (b) all the fear from the clinic experience. The first thing she said was that I don't need to convince her. That hurt my feelings a little bit, obviously I wasn't trying to "convince" anyone, I was just upset. But then she asked what was so upsetting and I said that I don't think I can work with multiple Ts. Because it already takes me forever to be able to talk with one person. T added that even now it's still hard and that she sees my fear. She said that just the thought experiment brought on a very big fear response. She said she'll tell the policy makers that not everyone can handle working with a team. And that we will find an individualized solution.

But I find myself not being able to trust her words. I've been crying all day. I think it's mostly from the clinic experiences coming up.

Realistically, maybe it will be OK this year. But in general, I don't know how much further she can help me. And it's all so so scary.

Oh, and I had to leave right at that moment that I cried, so I couldn't help feeling abandoned with that as well. Even though that's really unfair.

[randomsmilingpotatoes]

2 x 02 commentary

- the principal must be getting so annoyed getting all those calls aha

- Simon has such a beautiful voice 🥺

- the money issue really plays into everything damn

- omg sara wtf that’s so rude???? sorry they couldn’t afford a nicer pair??

- okay wille you don’t have to ignore Simon in PE like you can pass it to him😭

- oooh smarrttt to convince Vincent

- omg wille stop being so passive aggressive just sit there and let Simon have space please😭

- IT IS MALIN FORCING HIM NO😭😭 doing her job but still😭😭

- the symbolism of the snow globe breaking omg:(

- “at least you don’t have to be crown prince”:/

- okay that’s an interesting take to say that they’re okay with it if he keeps it private til an adult and it’s on his own terms. that doesn’t change the way everything else is though, and the thing is, it wasn’t on his terms and it never will be . I think that would’ve been okay if he didn’t already have to deny the video but it’s not a normal coming out situation now

- he should see a therapist though I do agree with that

- Simon went to the principal?? wow I was wondering what he was doing, he has a huge heart

- I’m ngl tho wille would be an annoying ex I’m sorry HAHAH it’s feeling real

- okay pls tell simon the whole truth

- wille you CANT just expect Simon to go back to you like that

- GOOD SIMON. such a mature way to look at it

- don’t tell me sara is going to go try sleep with august

- omg the phone. can she do much with that information tho? like she can tell august but he can’t tell anyone- I guess he’d treat felice like shit though:/

- awe smelling the jumper and looking at the fish🥺 and wearing the jumper omg

- I love that Simon is expressing his feelings through song this season, he’s so lovely to listen to and it also gives him an outlet without someone else constantly sharing their own opinion

- the symbolism of taking the jumper off and feeling freer 🥹 this is what he needs rn

- the way he’s looking around Marcus’s place exactly like wille did to his, calling it cozy and everything 😭

- omg SIMON that was smooth

- okay that’s so sweet but I feel like Simon DID kinda want to fuck lmao. this is why you don’t use people as a rebound, Marcus’s feelings are gonna get hurt 🥴

- SARA WHY IS AUGUST MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH FELICE EVEN

- and now they’re gonna fuck? ugh

- okay that was a WEIRD experience for him lmaoo

- wille please just make the most of the situation . Like even if he never talks about the video he should talk about Erik.

- the anxiety pamphlet!! yes!!! this is what he needs🥺

- awe come onnn not MARCUS at whatever they’re doing to distract wille😭 poor wille

- this does not feel safe having wille shoot things when his ex’s new guy is there asdfgh

- you cant blame Marcus though like he’s just vibing, he didn’t even seem to know who wille was so I feel like he doesn’t even know about the video and Simon

- yesss !!!! august is OUT of prefect positionnn

- the little smile HAHA

- damn I didn’t even think about how felice quitting would affect sara too. too bad , good on felice for quitting!!!

- okay as much as I hate august he was much better at being team captain than Vincent will be💀 that’s so mean to valter what

- cheating?? hmmmmm. For simons sake I’ll accept it but idk

- ITS THE SAME SONG FROM SEASON ONE

- “do you know him?” WILLE you know DAMN well

- hmm we will see what is happening with the Queen and august hmm

- DONT SNOOP

#young royals #yr s2

[genevalentino]

#CaseFatalityrates #COVID-19 #gainoffunctionresearch #governmentwrongdoing #HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE #IVERMECTIN #Masks #Moderna #Pfizer #retroviralvectors #spikeproteingeneticallyengineering #vaccinations

[xseildnasterces]

perfect.

I am currently battling intrusive thoughts. Thoughts of never wanting to wake up, of wanting it all to just end. 

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday. She upped my usual medication, and also encouraged me to take the much stronger acute medication that she prescribed me last time I saw her. I have been very hesitant to do so due to the possibility of addiction, yet she has assured me that both her and my therapist think I will be fully safe taking the medication and show no signs of being prone to any form of addiction. To that, I certainly agree. After the appointment I decided that I will take that medication once I am back in the US and know that I need to be in the office. She wants me to stay home as long as possible. I’m not sure how long I could push it. I also don’t want to be out of the country when the new boss starts, or when the new team member starts. 

Currently I am in the UK and on sick leave. It was not a planned visit at all, but a necessary one. I simply could not face a 14-15 hour flight back to DC after my work trip to Abu Dhabi. I need caring for right now. I need people around me that love me. I need to feel safe and wanted. I need to recover from this emotional rollercoaster and heal. I need to let people take care of me. 

I’m hurting a lot right now, and I’m not sure when this will end. The thought of going back to work fills me with so much dread. Seeing his name pop up in an email sends me into a panic, his lack of response to any work emails and removing me from meetings increases my already off the charts anxiety. I love my job, and I really miss it dearly, however, I don’t know how to enjoy it when he is there. He says he will be leaving and he is currently looking for another job but so far no such luck. I need him to leave now. Ideally, I want him to have left by the time I go back to DC, but I don’t think there is much chance of that happening. I just hope with everything that I have that he has decided to stay. At this point, I have no idea of his intentions. I have not spoken to him for almost two months at this point. 

I’m glad to be home, but I feel a sense of longing. I miss my job, I miss my old day to day life before he ruined everything. I want everything to go back to normal, but it can’t. Not now. 

My therapist posed the question of whether I was letting him ‘get away with it’ by ‘hiding’ and not being in the office. She said I need to take charge of the work (which is not being done by him right now - he never seems to be in the office, and when he is he never seems to be doing anything) and ensure things are running as smoothly as possible, but I don’t think I can do that right now. Right now I just want to lie in bed and die. Yet regardless, the day will come when I need to fly back across the ocean, hold my head high and walk back into the office. When that day comes I will need to discuss the current breakdown of communication between us and how we need to fix it - at least in a way that enables us to do the work - until he bids us all farewell and we cheer that he has gone. (Of course there will be mixed feelings around this).

I find myself bursting into tears at random times with no way to stop the tears falling down my face. I wake up feeling crushed and hurt all over again. 

This whole thing is creating a Crohn’s flare, something that I had done so well to avoid since starting my injections, but now it seems my body is not coping with the stress, anxiety and depression. It is no surprise of course because I feel like every part of my body right now is not coping. I, am not coping. I just want it all to be over. I want some normalcy in my life. I want to feel pretty, to feel loved and wanted. I don’t want to be used and disrespected. 

But most of all, I just want to be happy. 

[Blog title: Perfect - The Veronicas].

#life #thoughts #feelings #diary #journal #me #love #relationships #depressed #anxiety #perfect #work #the veronicas

[sincerestarlight]

The Introverts Guide to The Meaning of Life.

Yeah the title is a bit grandiose but I like it.

This is coming from a place where I wanted to be able to help people. I don’t always know the best words to express what I think when I speak but lately I’ve wanted to work in a space where I could just speak at length about what I feel I’ve learned in my life. About how I think and relate to people and the world at large. And I wanted to do so in a space I felt would maybe be seen and help a person or two.

Hence I made the decision to come to Tumblr.

Call it Madness or Wisdom, you’re still probably right.

So this is going to be my partial diary, partial wisdom blog, partial hard record for whatever therapist wants to look at me down the road. Hopefully they appreciate the documentation.

So I guess the first thing I want to kinda dwell on is, as the caterpillar asks…

Who are you?

TBH I think about this question a lot. Sure I can answer with my name, and that’s indeed who I am in society, but where I begin questioning is who I am to myself.

To anyone who is reading this, Lils is fine.

One of the things I’ve always had a problem with is trying to describe myself. The concept of ice breaking activities fills me with dread, or more commonly these days it’s the ominous “tell me some of your strengths and weaknesses”.

Whoever came up with that question needs to be sentenced to having to use the bathroom on stage in front of an audience.

Seriously there are no good answers to that question! If you say to many good things, or those good things in the wrong way, you’re perceived as arrogant. If you say to many negative things, you lack confidence, or worse they lowball you in pay cause they think you won’t fight back.

And the thing is that you should have confidence in yourself! We are in a big old universe that, as far as we know, stretches on for immeasurable lengths, distances where you can only measure in how many years it would take light to reach it *and it can still be millions of years*

On top of that matter that had at one point just been floating in the void floated into each other *so hard* that it became a giant floating rock. Then this rock managed, through scientific fuckery, make water! An atmosphere! *Fucking Life*. And whatever you think about *what* made life, the fact is that from there, millions of years passed, dinosaurs happened, then they stopped, then humans. Greece, Rome, Wars, and all that time has led to you.

You.

And then fuckin life happens.

Oh yeah, it’s a miracle but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck a whole bunch of nards. Christ almighty, it’s a miracle when a kid makes it out of high school without some form of lasting trauma. And then we mold ourselves around that trauma, in the worst case passing those issues onto the next generation.

Why bring up trauma? Well I think that’s why I have a problem with the initial question of who I am.

I used to really like ice breaking activities when I was younger. I always saw them as an opportunity to make friends, maybe if we have similar likes or interests, one of the peeps in my new class will like it too, and we can bond over it and then boom, friend made. So a lot of times, I would talk about what I liked, or things I learned from properties that I liked. It seldom worked the way I expected, but again, stories for another time.

That was my safe spot you know? The things that I liked. I knew those. Give me two options and I can tell you what one I prefer. Tv shows? No problem. Video games? Piece of cake. Sportsball games? I might not be super into them but I can tell you what team I prefer over a different one, even if it’s just based on their uniforms or mascot game.

But then everything changed when the question did.

See, you *have* to go to school. You *have* to do your homework. For stricter upbringings like mine you *have* to get good grades. Living within those confines is it’s own form of comfort. You know what you’re going to do, the question was doing it in a fashion that you like. And after many years of picking between Pokémon starters, that was an easy task. But then one day, maybe later than other people, I wasn’t asked “what do you like”

I was asked “what do you want to do.”

For some people, that question is easy. They know what they want to do. Doctors, artists, scientists, parents, people know what they want to do and the most tenacious of us make it with jobs in their chosen field and I am genuinely thrilled for people who follow their passion. But when I was addressed with that question, I froze. Want was never included in my world up to that point. There were things that sure, if I had complete freedom and unlimited money I’d like to do, but being invested in anything like that was merely fantasy. Sure, being able to lie on the beach in a nice chair with a book in hand sounds like paradise but it’s not really a realistic goal. Same with world domination.

After that I struggled…a lot. I started learning about the things that I like, maybe I could refine down what it was that I liked about them and magically, like an epiphany, I would see the thing that would make me happy, the passion and determination that others had when it came to their craft. But nothing came. I got a retail job after that and spent a good long time basically chasing that next bit of Serotonin. Nothing dangerous but definitely not good for my mental health. If passion wasn’t in my future the least I could hope for would be comfort.

Then I moved into my own place. I had a job that could (barely) afford, and then I looked around and said “well. Now what?”

That was the goal. Self sustainability. And I don’t mean to sound dour about the whole thing, it’s an accomplishment that I am proud of, but a ghost loomed over my head. The concept that now that I am self sustainable, what did I want to do? Obviously there are limits, but now I could exist beholden to no one but myself and…I didn’t know what to do with it. I still don’t. and it’s felt very lonely. Lonely because I feel this bright passion inside of me and I have no way to share it. No way for it to exist in this world.

I don’t know what I want to do but I want to do something.

I want to live my life in joy

I want to love whomever I want at my own pace

I want to be passionate and excited and run into the future with the confidence of the ball of conscious stardust that I am.

And even if no one reads this, writing it down helped a lot. The fact that the very thought exists somewhere helps.

#random thoughts #mental health #idk what else to tag #tumblr diary #self help? #self help

[tm95-snarl]

I’ve had my 2 hour nap. And my 5 hour panic attack. Burgh called a Nurse Joy for me. Nurse Joy and Audino helped me calm down. Breathing exercises and Heal Pulse helped. Nurse Joy said she recommended I have some health tests done, and I get some extra vaccines that I need. I can do that. But first, I’m going to list some evidence. To help me think something through.

I can’t take a punch like my family can. Bugs don’t bother my little cousins. Bug type bites hurt me a lot, I had to get specialist treatment when a nest of small durant bit me but my cousins don’t need care for their bug bites. Every therapist that I’ve went to had psychic types as a helper and I ended up quitting therapy because they couldn’t literally read my mind. Which is too high of an expectation now that I think about it, but the ones who specifically advertised it as a service couldn’t ever do it to me.

The “therapy” when I was a kid. It wasn’t just teaching (forcing) me how to mask my autism. It was teaching (forcing) me how to not act like a Zorua. I bet the stupid mirror therapy where I had to practice facial expressions and shit for hours on end after I had to stare at pictures of my dads and moms faces and body language was to get me to get me to look like them. Was the whole “no, you can’t talk to Pokémon, that’s just a silly kid make believe thing” even right?!?

My dietary issues. Onions and garlic hurting my stomach. Every time I go in the fish market I have to hold myself back from just grabbing a raw fish and eating it. My families long history of lactose intolerance.

When I entered college, the blood tests for certain diseases said I tested positive for pokerus. I had to quarantine for a month before they told me it wasn’t an active case.

The sudden change I had around half a year ago. I suddenly could do so much more things. I felt more, more alive and myself. I wasn’t terrified of driving anymore. I didn’t have any more of my small blackouts. I could just do like ‘adult crud’ without screwing up completely. Dang it, I bet I evolved then.

“Why do you want that Zorua? Isn’t it creepy? It’s a dark type. It has illusions. It isn’t safe. Why not a nice pidove? Or a patrat? Or a sewaddle like your aunt Isla? Your uncle Jolt’s galvantula just laid eggs, you can have a joltic! A munna would be great for your nightmares! An Audino would be a perfect Pokémon for your health! A timburr! A minnichino! A lillipup! A venipede! No dark types! Anything but the Zorua, even a Trubbish would be better than that!” That’s why they didn’t like Prince Shade! That’s so messed up.

“We don’t use Pokeballs, they aren’t safe.” That’s why! This is why!

They knew! I bet they knew! This is messed up!

Are they some sort of Pokémon too?!?

My family, on my moms side, have always been extra resistant, or rarely even immune, to usually not malicious ghost types tricks and extra tough at taking punches. They do tend to be hurt a lot by the nastier pranks and dirtier fighting that dark types tend to like. I always chalked that up to the scholarly bent to our families little culture, and the endurance we have to have to survive our families genetic health issues. Our family patriarch preached that we were all born with hate in our hearts, all of us as a species, and that it’s something we have to overcome and be kind. I thought he meant humanity - that’s part of why I didn’t see Team Plasma and Neo Plasma as wrong. Maybe he meant as a species of Pokémon?

I have to call my mom.

But first, some medical tests. I am comfortable with medical tests. I trust Nurses. Crap, the Nurses all probably found out and didn’t say anything cuz they thought I knew and was keeping it a secret. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone in a position of power has done for me other than the doctors who worked so hard to keep me alive when I came into this world an early runt.

#pkmn oc #real pkmn #pkmn rp #pkmn irl #pokereality #pokeblr #pokeblogging #pokemon rp #pokemon irl #real pokemon #unreality #pokeblog rp #tm95-snarl #snarls originals #Prince Shade #tw ableism #ableism tw #snarls angst #snarls species

[izusun]

bakudeku x therapy is the ulti ship

tbh idek why i did this but look at shoji though. he’s perfect. love my fella <3

#I HAVE TO START MY OTHER PAPER BUT HAVE THIS INSTEAD #im not even joking when i tell yall that this was from a belieber stan page that was just reposted in pinterest #it was so funny i had to recreate it as bakudeku #ok but??? do they or do they not need therapy #because after taking two psychology courses in the past two semesters #i can safely say that they need a whole team of therapists #and a whole lot of distance from afo #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #shoji mezo #bakudeku #bkdk #dekubaku #this is so funny idek why

[55mph]

fjskfjksbxosjrleuflsn

#im literally #im freaking out? maybe. the new place is. hm. i was like so excited but now im genuinely nearly convinced it was a terrible idea #one (1) shift and i am genuinely reconsidering If I Am Cut Out For This #and i dont know im so #ive got myself into a proper self doubt hole but the thing is am i wrong #and u know. just wish i had friends to talk to about it... lol #im so isolated and starting in a whole new team who haven't had a new starter in a Long while is like #fucks me up. i barely spoke to anyone today because it was like. no one wanted to talk as they were all so busy talking to each other while #i sat awkwardly in the middle trying to chat #im sure (im not. im blindly hoping.) tbat when i get back w the patients i'll be fine #but right now my brain and everything is screaming at me to not go back idk why the experience was so fucking overwhelmign and painful but #idk i dont kkow #just needed to vent to someone and tumblr tags u are the best friend of all. #post #dl #ijust have to find the energy to go back tomorrow and then. idk. what is the right amount of time to give it before #i can safely say i Don't like it #my brain is all over the place and my therapist is unavailable and i just desperately need someone to listen to me and help me figure out #what the hell is wrong with my brain #and i just want to. cry and scream and die a little. and idk why. im being so dramatic but its #i cant control it because its not just the new job but that is not Fucking helping #snd part of me wants to say to my new manager and idk mention to the supervisor or whoever about Things but #i feel like that will. backfire. and blow back into my face #and IDK!!!!!! #i dont know what the shit to do!!!!!!

[sailorkamino]

Happy Ending

relationships: past alpha!steve rogers x omega!reader, alpha!steve rogers x alpha!bucky barnes, eventual alpha!stucky x omega!reader, platonic!alpha!nat x reader {fem!reader}

word count: 2.3k

summary: when Steve’s mate joins the team you push down your feelings for the alpha, but you can still be his - well his and Bucky’s. Love triangles rarely have a happy ending, but this one does.

warnings: a/b/o dynamics, bucky is initially jealous of you, steve is jealous of you and nat, crying, angst, hurt/comfort, bucky has an anxiety attack, polyamory obviously

a/n: part 2 is up and it's smut ;)

For the first time since Bucky has moved in Steve is going on a week long mission. They’ve all been very short term up until now and while the brunet is going to miss his boyfriend, he’s preoccupied with his own mission. Talking to you.

Bucky doesn’t know what exactly his goal is but he can’t stand seeing his mate like this, his apple pie smell turning sour whenever he sees you. Or when something reminds him of you. Which is almost everything, you do live in the same building after all.

To avoid Steve you had been working a lot lately, which only served to worry the alpha more. He often asked the other avengers about you. Being the only omega on the team everyone’s a bit protective but for the captain it’s more than that. It’s love.

You two never officially dated, but you had liked each other for a long time and he had finally started courting you when the whole Hydra thing happened. It’s safe to say the budding romance between you and Steve went on the back burner for a while after that.

When Bucky first learnt about your relationship he was grateful someone was caring for his mate, the last time the dumbass was left alone he nose dived into the ocean. But he couldn’t deny there was a small, insecure part of him that wondered if you would be a better match for the blonde. Two alphas has always been seen as unconventional, maybe it was time Steve settled down with a nice omega.

But Bucky Barnes was a selfish man. He couldn’t let his love go, so he moved into the Avengers tower. And while Steve had never been happier, he still longed for you. The brunet could tell, he knew his mate better than he knew himself after all. Then you started distancing yourself from the captain.

Bucky hates himself for it, but he was a little grateful at first. Until he watched the way Steve would crumple whenever you left the room, the stench of rejection and sadness almost making him sick. He really needed to fix this. The final straw came when the brunet found him crying.

Steve Rogers is not an emotional man. Bucky can easily count the times he’s seen the other alpha cry and he’s known him his whole life. Bucky felt panic rise in him as he rushed towards his sniffling boyfriend curled up in their bed.

"Stevie? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

He looked up, tears clinging to his long lashes. “Not me. Y/N.”

"What?”

Steve’s voice cracked as he struggled to explain. “Y/N, she was- she was hurt on her mission. Not bad but I got so scared when I heard. I went to go see her, and,” he cuts himself off with a heartbroken whimper. Bucky immediately climbed into bed, desperate to comfort him.

“She just brushed me off, Buck. Didn’t even want me there. But she was fine with Nat all over her,” the blonde croaked into his boyfriend’s chest.

Despite Natasha being a fellow alpha Steve had never had a problem with her before, she understood the importance of doing her job and always followed his orders. But this wasn’t a mission, and Steve had no right to tell her to back off. Besides he didn’t want you to see him as some controlling knot heat. You deserved better than that.

Bucky stroked the other’s short hair, searching for what to say. His therapist says acknowledging someone’s feelings is a good place to start. “I’m sorry baby, I know this is hard for you.” He placed a tender kiss on his boyfriend's forehead. “And if it makes you feel any better I don’t think she’s with Natasha.”

Steve’s head snapped up so quick Bucky worried he gave himself whiplash. “Why? Did she say something to you?”

“Well, no, but Y/N obviously still has feelings for you and is hurting. Nat is like her best friend, of course she’s gonna comfort her.”

Steve pouted in a way that was usually adorable but now just miserable. Bucky hated it. “Yeah, well we were best friends too.”

The other man shuts his mouth, not knowing how to respond to that. He simply holds his mate, thinking of how to repair your relationship.

⍟ ✪ ‎⍟ ✪ ‎⍟ ✪

Bucky knocks on your door. Your routine was the same most days (not that he had been watching you or anything, he’s just observant.) You always train in the morning, take a shower, then eat lunch with whoever’s free. Today, that will be him.

When your voice yells, “coming!” he prepares himself but his brain short circuits when you open the door. You’re in a towel. And nothing else. He watches a water droplet run between your breasts and quickly averts his gaze, face burning. You aren’t doing much better in terms of embarrassment - you definitely weren’t expecting Bucky Barnes out of all people.

You try not to sound rude as you use the door to shield your body, “oh hey Bucky, um, what are you doing here?” You rush to add, “not that I don't want you to be here! I just wasn't expecting you! So, um… how’s your day going?”

Your rambling makes him smile softly without realizing. It’s cute. You’re cute. “I just wanted to ask if you have lunch plans. Sorry for surprising you, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He already knows you don’t have lunch plans (the building told him) but you don’t need to know that. He tries for a charming smile that used to work a lifetime ago, “and my day’s going pretty good, thanks for asking. How’s yours, sweetheart?”

He sees you flinch at the nickname and realizes Steve probably calls you that. Or used to. He mentally facepalms, wondering how he already found a way to upset you. God, this has to be a new record or something. You manage a polite smile, “it’s… unexpected, but not bad. Would you like to come in? I could order take out?”

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, that sounds nice.”

You nod, stepping aside to let him in and suddenly remembering your lack of dress. Your face heats, “um, let me go change. Make yourself at home,” you squeak, rushing to your bedroom. Bucky nods, smiling reassuringly. He tries not to react to your vanilla and fruity scent on every surface, tinged with a sadness that he doesn’t like. He needs to fix it.

Those thoughts make him pause. Maybe your distress just upsets him so much because you’re an omega. You’re the only one he’s been around in decades so he doesn’t know if this is standard. Or maybe he just really likes the smell of peaches and… whatever that is. Sam once said you smell like peaches and mangoes. Bucky doesn't know what a mango is but he thinks he would like them if he ever tried.

A few minutes later you come out in a simple sundress that has Bucky trying not to look at your perfect legs. You sit on the couch beside him somewhat awkwardly, smoothing your skirt.

"So, I’m guessing you’re here to talk about Steve?” You venture, turning to look at the alpha beside you. He looks at you sheepishly, “I guess I wasn’t too discreet, huh?” You try to force a smile, dreading the conversation already.

He sighs, running a hand down his face. “It’s just… Steve really misses you.”

You sigh, feeling a sense of deja vu as you explain yourself. “I miss him too, but you're his mate. I don’t want to come in between that.” Of course triad relationships aren’t unheard of but Steve and Bucky have been together their whole lives. You just can’t see how you could fit into that, not without hurting one of them.

"I know, and that means a lot to me, but Stevie’s miserable.” Bucky deflates, his blue gray eyes full of vulnerability, “I don’t know how you feel, but he’s hurting real bad.”

You let out a shaky breath, softly confessing. “I am too.”

“Well maybe we could spend some time together.” He nervously tucks his dark hair behind his ear, “all three of us.”

You blink at him in shock, trying to process what he was saying. He takes your silence as a bad sign. “I know I’m not a great alpha, but-”

“What?” You interrupt loudly, making him jump. “You’re like the perfect alpha, Bucky! You’re strong, and nice, and well- you look like that!” You splutter, gesturing vaguely to his sculpted body. He raises his brow, looking amused, “look like what, baby doll?”

You feel yourself blush, abruptly standing up. “Well I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day. Where’s my phone, do you still want takeout?”

He laughs, gently grabbing your hand. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. If it makes you feel better I think you’re the perfect omega.”

Your stomach flutters. “Thank you. So, um, Chinese?” You ask, inwardly cringing at your own awkwardness. Bucky doesn’t seem to mind though. His bright smile, complete with adorable eye crinkles, makes your knees weak. “That sounds perfect.”

⍟ ✪ ‎⍟ ✪ ‎⍟ ✪

For the next few days while Steve is on his mission, you and Bucky spend time together - much to the team’s shock. They watch with wide eyes as Bucky quietly follows you around, even smiling at your comments and jokes. All though both of you are worried about the blonde you manage to keep each other content. Until that night.

You had spent the entire day together, finally parting after dinner and movies to go to your respective suites. You’re struggling to fall asleep when a message from Friday has you sitting straight up. “Sergeant Barnes is at your door. I detect symptoms of an anxiety attack.”

You race to the door at a speed usually reserved for missions and other life or death situations, opening it to reveal a heart breaking site. Bucky looks scared and lost, eyes teary as he wrings his hands. His normal campfire, earthy scent smells burnt. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go."

You start to reach for him but hesitate. “Can I touch you, honey?”

He nods somewhat desperately and that’s all you need, pulling him into your suite. Needing to get him somewhere safe. “Oh alpha, you wanna go to my nest? I have a Captain America bear, I’ll even let you snuggle him for the night if you ask nicely.”

He lets out a watery chuckle, leaning into your gentle pets, “thanks, doll.”

Once you get him to your bedroom you quickly tuck him in, fluffing all the blankets and decorative pillows around him. He watches with a soft smile, grabbing your hand as you adjust one of your stuffed animals just so. “Sugar, it’s perfect. Thank you.”

The new pet name has you all but purring as you climb in beside the brunet. Alpha likes your nest. He wraps around you protectively, finally relaxing now that you’re in his arms. “Do you wanna talk about it?” You mumble into his solid chest. He strokes your back soothingly, “no. Just wanna hold you.”

You hum, nuzzling into his neck, taking in his comforting, woodsy scent. “Sounds nice,” you murmur, already sleepy.

Bucky eventually falls asleep himself but of course doesn’t stay that way for too long. He blearily opens his eyes, searching for the clock. 0500. Well at least he got a few good hours in but he wonders what woke him. Then he hears it. Someone is in your suite.

A growl starts in his chest, making you stir. He quickly soothes you, making sure you’re okay before getting out of bed. He knows it’s probably just another Avenger but his mind still races, what if it’s Hydra? He clenches his metal fist. He won’t let those sick fucks anywhere near you.

He stalks into the dark living room but freezes at the broad frame. He would recognize those big ass shoulders anywhere. “Steve?” He hisses, turning on a nearby lamp, illuminating the startled blonde still clad in his dark blue suit.

The captain blinks, “Buck? What are you doing here?”

He steps forwards, trying to keep his voice down, “me? What are you doing here, you aren’t supposed to be back yet! And why can’t I smell you?”

Steve silently reaches to his neck, pulling off the patch that masks his scent. Bucky is greeted by the familiar aroma of apple pie and cinnamon, instantly relaxing him. “The mission ended early. I went to our room and Friday said you were with Y/N,” he explains.

Bucky pulls his boyfriend in for a hug, now that the shock has worn off the worry has set in. “Are you okay?”

Steve nuzzles into him affectionately. “I’m fine, Buck.” He pulls back, raising his brow questioningly, “so, you and Y/N?”

Just then you stumble into the room, holding onto your Cap bear. You rub your eyes in a way too adorable way for such a dangerous woman. “Stevie?”

"Peach,” the blonde breathes out. How can you look so good when you literally just woke up? And holding that toy he won for you at Coney Island? Well, it’s enough to make Steve’s heart feel like it’s gonna beat out of his chest.

You smile at the familiar nickname. Bucky extends a hand to each of you, pulling both of you closer. He looks to his boyfriend, “a lot has happened in the past few days but I think we should just cuddle for now.”

Steve can’t help but softly laugh. “That sounds perfect. I really missed you two.” You purr, tucking yourself into his neck. You kiss his scent gland, “we missed you too, handsome”

_____

a/n: i haven't wrote in a super long time + this is my 1st attempt at abo so i'm a little nervous to post, i didn't really know how to end it. i would love some feedback! &lt;;3

#bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #stucky x reader #stucky #alpha bucky #alpha bucky barnes #alpha stucky x reader #alpha steve rogers #alpha stucky x omega reader #omega reader