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jockbroski34 · 2 months

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How Things Used To Be

I wonder how long it took me to notice that there was something wrong with Nathan. We had been best friends for years, ever since the 5th grade, and we always hung out together both in and out of school. I was hoping things could’ve stayed like that this summer, but it seemed like fate had other plans. Between family vacations and college prep, it seemed like he didn’t have time for me anymore. And to make it worse, whenever he wasn’t doing that, he was hanging out with some other guys who I had never met, and he never even bothered to ask me if I wanted to come with. I know people grow and change, but I didn’t want to see it happen to my own best friend. On the bright side, we’re going to the same college, so I hope I can see him around.

And I did see him. It was the third week of courses, once I was starting to get acquainted with campus life. For once, I was actually being more social, trying to fill the gap that Nathan left. I used this opportunity to start talking to people in my classes and I found that we had some similar interests. I wish I could say the same for my roommate, but he mostly keeps to himself and we don’t have much in common.

Okay, back to Nathan. I was walking back to the dorms after my last class, texting one of my classmates about the homework. I was interrupted when I walked headfirst into another student. I should’ve been paying more attention to my surroundings. I looked up at the giant in front of me, probably 6’3”, before apologizing.

“James, is that you?” the giant asked. The voice sounded very familiar, yet at the same time, different. I took a closer look at him. “Long time no see, huh?” I was surprised when I realized who it was.

“Nate? Woah, what happened to you?” I couldn’t believe that this person in front of me was my best friend. This was not the same Nathan from three months ago during graduation. He was always a bit taller than me, but he had to have grown at least 3 inches. He used to wear glasses, but it seemed like he switched over to contacts.

In the warm August heat, he was wearing a tank top which revealed his newfound biceps for the whole world to see. The tank top clung closely to his chest and I could see his newly-formed six-pack through the fabric. He was wearing basketball shorts that were short enough that I could catch a glimpse of his thighs, which were just as big as his arms. I never knew Nathan went to the gym, and if he did, he never told me. But still, I couldn’t comprehend how he became so huge in just three months, which made me more curious about what he had been up to. A backwards hat fit tightly atop his head with Greek letters on them. Sigma Lambda Chi… Had Nathan really joined a frat? To be completely honest, he looked like he was cosplaying as a frat bro, a far cry from how I knew him.

“Like what you see, bro?” James chuckled, as he flexed one of his arms. He definitely never came across as a cocky showoff, but I was too distracted by his flexed bicep to notice. I caught myself staring for a second too long, before feeling my face turn red hot. Me and Nathan knew everything about each other, but there was one thing I never told him. I was gay. To tell you the truth, I had a crush on him, but I knew I could never tell him to preserve our friendship. But now he looks even better, and he hasn’t made time for me at all. Now he really felt out of my league.

“I’ve been working out a lot lately. I’m glad you noticed.” He still had his signature smile, but it looked out of place on his new body. His face especially looked a lot more angular and masculine. A visible tan glazed over his body like a fresh coat of paint.

“Daaamn! You look great, dude!” To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to feel talking to him again. On one hand, I was happy to see him again, and, admittedly, a little surprised to see him like this. On the other hand, he ditched me this whole summer to hang out with some other guys. It felt so bittersweet.

“If there weren’t other people around, I’d let you…I mean uh, how have you been bro? I know I’ve been busy a lot lately. Sorry about that, dude.” We told each other what we did over the summer, and wow, was his summer more interesting.

As we caught up, I learned more about what he has been up to. Apparently, he joined a frat and he was hanging out with the guys there more and more. He promised that he’d bring me to a party sometime, but I was hesitant because I’m not much of a party animal. That lifestyle just isn’t for me. He also said he was thinking about joining our school’s football team at the request of his roommate, which I found even more surprising because Nathan never played sports in high school. I did track, but I was never that big into sports myself. Our conversation was interrupted as another guy entered the scene.

“Yo, Nate! Finally found you. You seriously need to get better at texting me back, dude. And who’s this dude?” The guy was wearing the same hat as Nate, so I figured he was one of his frat bros.

“My bad, bro. Brett, this is James. We go way back. James, this is Brett. He’s my roommate. We met over the summer and we’ve been hanging out since.”

“Alright, cool, bro,” Brett responded, clearly impatient and indifferent towards me. He dismissed me entirely, almost like I wasn’t worth his time. “You still going to the gym with me or what?”

“Sorry, bro. I just ran into him and we were catching up.” Nathan responded. “Hey, I gotta get going. We should get food sometime. Peace!” I watched as Nathan and Brett walked away in the opposite direction of me towards the gym. As they moved further away, I could hear Brett chastise him about something. This is the guy that Nathan ditched me for? I hope I’m wrong, but he seemed like kind of a dick. I know I was jealous of him for taking up my best friend’s time, but I didn’t trust him. As for me, I returned to the dorm to work on the assignment with my roommate.

The next time I saw Nate was that weekend, when I held up his promise to get something to eat. I tried to ask him about it earlier in the week, but he was doing stuff at the frat all that time. I was at least grateful that he took time out of his schedule for me for once. He mentioned that he normally doesn’t hang out with anyone who wasn’t in the frat, almost like they were some exclusive bro clique that I was excluded from. For once, it was good to hang out with him one-on-one without any of his frat bros getting in the way. I expected things to be like how they were before, but I couldn’t be any more wrong.

It’s not that I disliked the new Nathan, but I felt like we didn’t have much common ground anymore. It was like he was a completely different person. He didn’t seem to care that much about our old interests anymore. He didn’t have time for video games and he just wasn’t that interested in watching movies or photography anymore. All he seemed to care about was working out all day and partying all night. All he would talk about was some stupid stuff he or one of his bros did.

Plus, he told me he switched his major from mechanical engineering to be a personal trainer. It seemed like he just became a total gym bro overnight. The studious and witty Nathan that I loved kinda just seemed to be a stereotypical meathead now. The worst part was that I knew that this was the same Nathan deep down, and he still treated me the same even if he was a lot busier. I felt like maybe I was the problem since he was clearly still having a good time, and I wasn’t. Why do I feel this way?

I felt my mood change as we talked. Eventually, I figured it was time to cut off the conversation and return to the dorm, but Nathan definitely knew something was off. He texted me later that evening, asking me if everything was alright. To be honest, I wanted to make some lame excuse that I was feeling sick, but we’ve always been honest with each other, so I told him how I really felt.

Me: Nate, to be honest, I think I need some time away from you. I don’t hate you or anything, but it feels like we’ve been growing apart and I feel like you’ve become a different person. I feel like when I look at you, I don’t see the Nathan I’ve known for years, but someone else entirely.

I wanted to say more about how I felt about his new changes, but I didn’t want to escalate things.

Nathan: James, I’m sorry you feel that way about me. I felt like we had a good time today. I’ve grown and changed a lot recently, and I’ve realized a lot about myself, but I’m happy with who I am right now. I know I’m spending a lot of time at the gym or with Brett or my other bros, but I still care about you deeply, bro. You might be right though. Hanging out with you isn’t the same as hanging with the guys at the frat.

Me: Do you honestly see yourself as just a frat boy? You’re more than that. You’re my best friend. But now, you have more in common with the jocks from high school than the Nathan I knew. It’s hard talking to you now since all you care about anymore are your gains and partying. You’re nothing more than a meathead now.

Nathan: So that’s how you see me, bro? The reason I had been avoiding you is because I knew that you wouldn’t like seeing me like this. I guess I was right, bro. But trust me, I’m happy like this. I’m a lot more social than when I was when I was with you, and I’ve even become more in shape too. I care about our friendship more than you can possibly imagine, but I guess this is for the best. To be honest, I think it would be a lot of fun if you were here in the frat with me, but I know you wouldn’t say yes.

I didn’t bother responding. I could never picture myself joining a frat. I would never get along with his frat bro friends, especially Brett, who seemed to be the one he was closest with. I still couldn’t believe Nate would choose him over me. I wasn’t sure whether to feel angry, or sad, or disappointed towards him. I felt like he was wasting his life partying when he should be studying. To think this was the person I cared about more than anyone. It was at this point that I figured I probably wouldn’t have my old friend back. Or so I thought.

A couple weeks passed and I tried to move on from Nathan. I always saw him on his story drinking and partying late into the night at the frat house or posting selfies at the gym. He looked like he was fully embracing his new frat boy persona now. If he didn’t still care about me, it would’ve felt like he was doing it out of spite. As for me, I started to hang out with my classmates more and more, and there was even a guy I went on a date with. It was a nice date and I did like the guy, but for some reason, the thought of Nathan lingered in my mind. Even though I hated what he had become, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about him. I couldn’t deny how much he turned me on. Why was I still thirsting after a stupid fucking frat bro? One afternoon, after I returned to my dorm, I received a text on my phone. To my surprise, it was Nathan.

“Hey bro, can we talk? There are some things I need to get off my chest.”

I didn’t know what he could possibly want with me now. I suppose I can hear him out just so I can see what he wants. I went over to his room further down the hall, and thankfully Brett was not here to ruin the moment. Nate said that he was doing some preparations for some stuff at the frat. When I asked, he didn’t specify what though. It always feels like stuff at the frat is kept under wraps.

“Did you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

“Even if it’s beer?” A mischievous grin appeared on his face. Was he seriously offering me beer? I knew that alcohol wasn’t allowed in the dorms, but clearly that rule didn’t faze him. Obviously he knew how to get his hands on some drinks. To be honest, I had never drank alcohol before, but I figured this would be the easiest way to try it before I turned 21. Plus, it might alleviate the tension between us. Either that or make us fight like two drunkards in a bar.

“Sure, why not.” Nate went to get two bottles for us. I took my first sip and was disgusted by the bitter taste of the beer.

“You don’t like it? Neither did I at first,” Nate chuckled. “After a while, you get used to it.” Nate turned the TV on as we chatted. I apologized about what I said about him last time we talked, but he said it was no big deal. I felt like I was a little too harsh on him. It could just be the alcohol, but I found that I got along with him better than I did weeks ago. As we chatted, my body started to tingle. Was this how it felt like to be drunk?

“Hey, Nate. I feel kinda weird, but not like drunk weird. Is this normal, bro?” I asked. By this point, we both had two drinks each. I didn’t mind the taste of the beer the second time.

“Nah, you’re fine bro.” Nate responded, with a smile on his face. Compared to me, he appeared to be much more sober. “It happens sometimes, especially when you’re not used to it.” I figured he knew best, since he was the one drinking and partying all the time, so I ignored this foreign feeling rushing through my body. I felt as if my body was overheating as I felt my arms and legs throb and pulsate. Sweat was leaking off my armpits and down my forehead. There was part of me that knew that something was off, but it was drowned out by the alcohol. As I took another sip, I felt my arm spasm as I accidentally spilled some beer onto my shirt. Shit, I wasn’t expecting to do laundry later.

“Damn bro, you made a mess. You alright? Do you wanna change your shirt?” Nate asked. I nodded and he quickly went to his room to pick out something for me. It wasn’t the first time I had to wear his clothes. “Sorry about that, bro. First thing I found. Hope it fits you.” It was a stringer tank with Sigma Lambda Chi on it. I bet Nate looked like a walking symbol of the frat wearing that stuff. For some reason, the idea was kinda amusing to me because it seemed so over the top. I wondered how I would look dressed up like that. I’d probably look really stupid.

I stripped out of my wet shirt and changed right in front of him. I caught a whiff from my armpits, and I thought I smelled like a sweaty gym bro. The tank appeared to be a size up and it hung loosely on me. Still, it was better than nothing I guess. Despite that, it had a nice familiar smell to it though. It smelled like Nathan, but at the same time, it had a different flavor to it. He smelled a lot more manly than I remembered. I bet he wore it to the gym often.

Eventually, after my third drink, I went to go to the bathroom. My body was starting to ache, like I had just done a workout with Nate earlier. Workout…Was that what happened earlier? …I think so? Did we work out after class and come back to his place for some brewskis? For some reason, the events of today felt incredibly fuzzy to me. I was starting to forget the reason I was here in the first place.

I clumsily stumbled over my feet which looked bigger than usual. After I took a piss, I looked at myself in the mirror. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t always look that big, right? From a first glance, it looked like I was looking through one of those distorted mirrors they have at amusement parks. I had to have been really drunk at this point. I chuckled at the figure in front of me. At this point, I almost looked like one of those frat bros! I decided to flex my arms like they would, oblivious to the fact that they already grew just a little bit, before joining Nate on the couch.

“There you are, big man!” he said as he squeezed my muscles. I have been working out recently, I think. “I thought you passed out in there. Most guys don’t last that long for their first time, but you look good enough for another brewski.”

After downing our fourth drinks, the conversation took a different turn.

“Yo, James. I knew you said you weren’t too big on the idea of joining our frat last time we chatted, but how do you feel now, having thought things over?”

I remembered our last conversation. Honestly, I was so drunk that I didn’t remember why I turned him down in the first place. The idea that seemed unappealing to me at the time seemed like it was perfect for me at this moment. I didn’t even understand why I would be so reluctant to join. I needed to join more than anything else. I would do anything to join, even if I had to completely humiliate myself in front of my fellow bros. At this point, nothing was too extreme for me. The fact that Nate was in it was enough reason to join, so we could hang out more like we used to. Plus, I could get to hang out with all my other bros and drink and party whenever we want.

“I’ve given it some thought, and yeah bro, I’ll join,” my voice slurred as my mouth moved before my mind could. I had committed at this point. No backing out now. I’m a member of Sigma Lambda Chi for life.

“Sweet, bro!” He grabbed me on my far shoulder and pulled me close. “I’m glad you said yes, because I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes, bro.”

I closed my eyes as Nate went into his room to grab something. Did I actually agree to join his frat? I’m not sure what’s going on with me today. When he came back, I felt Nate press on my head as his “surprise” fit tight around it. “You can open them now.”

I realized I was wearing the same hat that Nate always wore, with his frat’s letters printed on it. “We’re gonna be matching now, bro. Isn’t that awesome? I know you’re gonna want to wear it whenever and wherever. But you’re wearing it wrong. Let me fix it for you, dude.” He turned the brim around so it faced my back. As my hat turned backwards, I felt my mind fog up and any tension or brain activity screech to a halt. I was unable to realize what I signed myself up for, unable to protest. My conscious mind was drowned out by the alcohol and this hat was like a lock, sealing it away. Not that I was against this, as a wave of pleasure surged through me. I felt my mind slow down, almost as if it was stuck in molasses, as my thoughts began to simplify. It felt good though...

I would follow the example of my fellow brothers. Look like them, think like them, act like them. Almost like a hivemind of bros, you know, bro? By this point, the changes were irreversible. Nate had turned me into another frat bro just like him.

“Everything worked out as planned, bro. You see, when you, my own best bro, told me you didn’t want to join the frat with me, I was actually really hurt. So I talked to Brett, and had him “work his magic”, to help me do to you what he did to me. I don’t like to lie to you, but it’s a frat secret, so now you get to know bro. Like I said, it’s a secret, so don’t talk about this with anyone.”

“Don’t worry about it bro. It’s all…uh…

Fuck dude, what’s the word…water under the bridge? Huhuhu…” I really had to think about that one. I found it harder to articulate and use complex words, as I mainly just spoke in bro-speak. To be honest, I wasn’t really that upset that he lied to me. He did what he had to as a member of the frat. I never stayed mad at one of my bros for very long.

“Now we get to be brothers for life,” he said as he gave me a big bro hug. We clung to each other like two giant masses of muscle. My huge biceps wrapped around his firm back as his did for me. Afterwards, he handed me my fifth drink and we cheered to me joining Sigma Lambda Chi. He laid down all of the rules, what everything was like, telling me about the coolest guys there, and so on. He said he’d bring me to the frat house and introduce me to everyone tomorrow. “They’re gonna love you for sure, bro. I’ve got an eye for cool bros like you.”

As it got later, and we moved on to drink numero 6, I felt myself get very tired as we both passed out on his couch. I woke up a couple hours later, and I looked out the window to see a pitch black sky. Shit, it was almost 10 PM and I had to turn in my assignment at midnight. But for some reason, I didn’t really care right now. I didn’t mind turning in assignments late as long as the teacher still gave me credit. I felt no different from the way I was a couple hours ago, just another Sigma Lambda Chi frat bro, but I liked it. It felt right to me. It was where I, no, where we belonged.

I looked down. Nate’s tank hung tightly to me now. It took me a second to notice my arms…Holy shit, they were fucking huge! I looked awesome, bro. As I admired my new body, Nate was still asleep, his hand on my meaty thigh. Just above that, my dick throbbed through my pants. Fuck, I was so horny for some reason. Eventually, Nate slowly regained consciousness.

“I usually don’t drink this much on a school day,” Nate said, still a little hungover as he rubbed his eyes. We sat in silence for about a minute before he spoke again. “By the way, there was another reason I invited you over. There’s something that’s been on my chest for a while.”

“Go ahead, bro. I can take it,” I responded confidently. My voice sounded deeper and more bro-like than usual, just like him.

“Here goes, dude. I think I like you, bro. Not like you, but I think I like like you. I know it’s hella gay, but I couldn’t stand to see you be so cold to me. That’s why I had to make you a bro like me. I’m sure you’ll love it here, bro. And hey, if you’re not gay, that’s cool. We can forget this shit ever happened and go back to being bros for life.”

At first, I honestly thought I was still dreaming. First, he turned me into a frat boy, and now, he was confessing his feelings to me? How crazier could this night get? For all my life, I thought he was straight. I remembered being glad when he broke up with his girlfriend two years back. I couldn’t stand her. When he joined Sigma Lambda Chi, I assumed he was 100% straight and that he was banging some sorority chicks every night. To think he felt the same way I did all this time.

“Bro, I like you too. When you stopped talking to me, I started to get kinda jealous. I didn’t want to accept you for who you are. But being your bro just isn’t enough for me, bro.” I leaned in for a kiss, my inhibitions still nowhere to be found. It was my first kiss and it was with the person I cherished most. I felt like I was in heaven. I didn’t really care that I was a dumb frat bro like him anymore. I never did. That shit was stupid anyways. But now, Nate fixed our friendship and made us closer than ever. I loved the taste of his lips against mine and I didn’t want it to end but eventually Nate parted our lips.

“Wanna fuck me, bro?” he whispered in my ear. A flirtatious smirk was plastered on his face, and one of his hands was still wrapped around my neck. This was real. I nodded as he took me to his bed. I had never done this before, but I’ve seen plenty of porn, so I knew what to expect. He laid down on his back and stripped naked. I never felt this aroused before. My dick even looked bigger than it used to be. I was so pent up that I felt like I was holding this load in for months. I guess frat bros really are as horny as they say. I lubed up my larger cock before sticking it into Nate’s hole.

My serpent stretched out his tight hole as he had clearly not seen much action down there until now. I pounded his ass as my dick went in and out of him. In and out, in and out, in and out…It was a steady rhythm, my dick was like a metronome. My hands clung to him as I held him in place, pinning him to his bed. My hands ran all over his shoulders, broad and muscular, built like a football player’s. We both felt absolutely euphoric as our deep, masculine moans filled the room. The moans were loud enough that the students on the other side of the wall could easily hear them, but I didn’t care about any noise complaints as I fucked him harder and harder. After half an hour of fucking, he both hit our orgasm at almost exactly the same time. I ejaculated inside his tight hole, my hot, sticky seed flooding his insides as Nate came all over his abs. At this point I was exhausted and still hungover and I basically fell on top of him on his bed. We were both panting and out of breath.

“I knew you were a good fucker, bro.” he whispered seductively as he kissed me. We stayed in that position for several minutes until we heard the door open.

“Yo, Nate! Did you do it? How did it go?” a voice asked, shouting loudly from the other room. I recognized the voice as Brett’s. He peeked into the room, witnessing the two of us cuddling together naked. To be honest, I thought he would’ve been grossed out. Guess I had the wrong idea about him.

“Better than expected, dude,” Nate responded. He didn’t seem to care that we were both naked in front of his roommate and that we just got back from our trip to Pound Town.

“He looks way better this way, don’t you agree, bro? But man, dude, now I know why you wanted him to be a pledge so bad. I was wondering why you wouldn’t fuck any of those sexy sorority babes. More for me, I guess.”

A week passed and by then, I joined the frat officially. Me and Nate started dating shortly after, but none of our bros minded. It didn’t matter if we were gay, we were still brothers. I also learned how Nate met Brett. He was taking a tour of the campus over the summer and he ran into Brett who was recruiting people for the frat. Brett took a liking to him and kinda took him under his wing like some sort of mentor and they started hanging out since he only lived a town away from us. Brett was our age, but he had more seniority and authority because his older brother Brad was very popular within the frat. Turns out Brett and some of the upperclassmen knew how to turn guys into the ideal bros for their frat. They wanted to bolster their numbers to make Sigma Lambda Chi the biggest and coolest frat in the state, with the biggest bros and the biggest parties, and naturally both me and Nate were chosen. Not that either of us minded. Nate joined the football team with Brett and some other guys in the frat, and the rest of us would go watch them play every game. Our section of the stadium was always the loudest and rowdiest, especially when one of our bros scored a touchdown.

Apparently I grew a ton during the night that I was with Nate, but I was too drunk to notice just how massive I had become. It must’ve been something in the beer, huhu. I started working out with Nate and Brett, and sometimes some other bros too. I even ended up changing my major. I chose business because my bros said that it was the easiest shit ever and I wasn’t feeling psychology anymore. I didn’t really feel like thinking much anymore and I found that focusing on education so much was a chore and that I was wasting my college experience. I’d rather be partying and drinking or hanging out with the bros at the frat house, watching sports, playing video games, or playing ball outside. I got to see why Nate grew to enjoy this lifestyle so much, and I was mad at myself for not seeing his point of view sooner.

Three years later, me and Nate are still dating and we’re set to graduate this semester. We’re thinking about getting a place in the city not too far from campus, probably with Brett and another friend of ours to save money on rent. We’ll probably still throw parties every weekend like we used to. College was such a memorable experience and I wish I could live it again. I only have Nate, Brett, and all my other bros to thank for making college awesome for me.

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davidtennantgenderenvy · 3 months

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My Two Cents On The “ Is David Tennant Queer” Drama

As some of you know, I spent a solid third of the past year working on a movie-length video essay about David Tennant. This video essay features an eight minute section titled “Gender, Vulnerability, and Why David Tennant Is A Queer Icon”, which does not speculate on David’s own sexuality, but discusses the queer coding and subversion of gender norms in plenty of his roles and his importance as an ally to the LGBT community. At the same time, I was also coming to terms with my own identity as nonbinary and bisexual, and it ended up playing a crucial role in me finally working up the courage to come out to my parents. Characters like Crowley and the Doctor, both in terms of how they present themselves and how and who they love, have been absolutely instrumental in me developing my queer identity, and my comments section was full of people who had had similar experiences, who’d realized they were trans, nonbinary, gay, etc thanks to David and his characters. And as a result, I won’t deny that if David himself were to be queer, it would mean a lot to me.

Do I think David is queer? It’s certainly possible. I see a lot of how I express my queerness in how david chooses to express himself, most prominently through his frequent queer coding of characters who don’t necessarily have to be played as such. This can especially be seen through his Shakespeare characters, such as Richard, Hamlet, and some would argue Benedick as well. When I was 15 I played Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, who I chose to play as a closeted young gay man harboring an unrequited crush on Romeo. I think I saw this role subconsciously as an outlet for my own repressed queerness, both of gender and sexuality, as I had experienced an unrequited crush on my female best friend the previous year which I was still in denial about. I’ve described my gender identity as “a girl with a chaotic tortured gay man inside of her that needs to be let out every once in a while”, which has never been more true than with Mercutio- a character who I might add, I took a great deal of inspiration from David when playing! In terms of using roles as an outlet for one’s queerness, I could absolutelt see this being true with David, especially when it comes to Crowley, who seems to have had an impact on David’s style, behavior, etc in a rather similar way to how he’s impacted me. I don’t want to act like David wearing pink docs means he must be gay, I think people should be allowed to wear whatever they want regardless of sexuality, but taken in conjunction with so many other things about him, it does make one wonder, and the fact that a seemingly straight man has been so many people’s queer awakening is a bit puzzling to say the least. I won’t pretend that these “signs” (if you interpret them that way), haven’t been increasing somewhat in the past year, and if I got to share my own coming out journey with the man who inspired it, I would be absolutely thrilled. I also can’t specifically think of an instance where David has SAID he is straight, as opposed to Taylor swift, who has.

With all of that said, where I personally draw the line is when mere speculation crosses into interfering with the subject’s personal relationships and the sense that one is OWED something. I believe that what matters to David more than anything is being a husband and a father. I believe he adores Georgia and his children and would not do anything in the world that he believes would jeopardize his family. As happy as I would be for David if he were to come out (probably as bi) I realize that that would put so much unwanted attention on his marriage and family and I think that’s the last thing he wants. I don’t think it’s IMPOSSIBLE that he and Michael Sheen are having a passionate love affair behind everyone’s backs, but I absolutely don’t consider it my place to insist that they are, because as much as I may feel like I do, I don’t know these people! And besides, if David were cheating on Georgia, he really would not be the person I thought he was.

So many queer people see themselves in David and his characters, and that is beautiful. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with having theories that David might be queer himself. However, it must be acknowledged that these theories are THEORIES, and they should not be used to invalidate people’s real life relationships- after all, it’s totally possible to be bi/pan and also be in a loving and healthy heterosexual relationship like David and Georgia at least seem to be in! If David were in fact “one of us”, I would welcome him with the openest of open arms, but unless and until he himself decides to proclaim himself that way, I will not expect anything of him other than to be the incredible artist and person we know and love.

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mothmanssweetsucculentass · 6 days

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Ok here’s my two cents that no one asked for on the current (sort of?) debate going on in the Creepypasta fandom on here rn.

For starters, I grew up with Creepypasta. I also grew up mentally ill. I am also autistic. So I know my way around good and bad mental health rep at this point. And to be honest? A lot of the original stories DID suck balls at representation or just horror writing in general.

However, nowadays I see other people on here, often mentally ill or any other social outcast, taking these characters and reshaping them as their own to fit their own feelings and experiences, and I don’t think anyone has the authority to criticize things like that. Cringe culture is supposed to be dead anyways, nevermind the fact it’s inherently ableist at its core.

We also need to take into account kids still exist in the fandom. Pre teens who got tired of shit like scooby doo and wanted something more “mature” or “edgy” to get into without fully going off the deep end into full blown horror movies. At least that’s how it was for me. Not everyone, especially someone who’s younger, is gonna be comfortable with the grit and gore a lot of Creepypasta “purists” are pushing for these days, and that’s okay! When a fandom gets popular it’s always inevitable and unavoidable to have the popular characters get two dimensionalized.

There’s also the whole mascot horror thing that I don’t wanna get into, but I’m 90% sure that also plays a part in the old favorites like Jeff and slenderman being brought up again. They were and still are recognizable characters. Recognizable characters aren’t a bad thing. Making horror more approachable for younger audiences isn’t a bad thing. People having their own interpretations based out of their own experiences isn’t a bad thing.

Some of us grew up and wanted the more edgy and reality based content, and that’s also not a bad thing! But neither side should be dictating or policing how the other enjoys content in this fandom. If you personally don’t like the way something is written, characterized, depicted, or drawn, no one’s forcing you to look at it. No one’s claiming it as canon. No one’s asking for you to accept it as the end all be all.

At the end of the day this fandom was built on OCs and personal depictions of stuff. I can’t name a single character or story in this community that was created by some outside party like a movie or TV studio FIRST (because I know some got so popular they breached the fandom and got their own shows/movies/comics/etc). Everything here was created by someone who wanted an outlet for their creativity, or their pain, or their coping, or whatever else.

Realism and dark headcanons aren’t bad, and neither are any of the headcanons out there who just wanna make a goofy found family of social rejects as a form of escapism.

A 13 year old drawing a fictional layout of a fictional mansion where these fictional characters live isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the horror, I promise, it’s not that deep and it never was.

A 22 year old making a dark comic on the realistic origins of Jeff who is a fictional character in a fictional world isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the more softhearted side of the fandom.

Sure, there can still be a split if people are so adamant about that, but as someone who personally enjoys both the brutal horror side and the “haha Jeff is 15 and gay” sides equally, y’all need to at least learn to be civil to anyone who has a different headcanon than you. And if that seems like too much still, the block button exists for a reason.

TL:DR this fandom is based entirely off OCs and headcanons and people can do whatever the fuck they want because none of it is real and horror comes in many shapes and sizes and intensities and no one should be bashing anyone on their headcanons or views or rewrites or whatever else.

EDIT:

Actually wait I think I have more to say-

Horror, like any genre, has NO AGE LIMIT. And by that I mean, if someone younger wants to delve into scary stuff, they should be allowed to do so without criticism. I personally grew up on “child friendly” horror media like Scooby-Doo, and the older I got the more horror I wanted to experience.

There’s no right or wrong way to “understand” horror, and I frankly think it’s ignorant and stupid to say if you don’t fully “understand” something, then you shouldn’t be involved in it at all. Horror isn’t always about gore and unspeakable violence and the eldritch entity that wants everyone’s skin inside out. That’s why horror has sub genres for fucks sake. Gut wrenching brutality against innocent people isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay!

However, bashing anyone’s tamer headcanons, or calling anything anyone interprets differently than you “stupid”, that’s not okay. God, I feel like an exhausted parent giving this lecture to fellow adults, but this really needs to be said and stressed.

I am an adult. I like when stuff in the fandom takes a dark turn. But for nostalgia’s sake, I also love the fanon so much, because that’s what I was exposed to.

And for fucks sake if it comes down to picking sides, I would rather stick with the part of this fandom that gives zero shits how you see a character as long as you’re having fun.

You can have your serial killer 30 year old Jeff and your canon-accurate-to-that-one-image eyeless Jack, but don’t shit on other people if they don’t want the same thing. Your interpretation isn’t canon, and neither is anyone else’s for that matter.

Realistic, dark, gritty Creepypasta isn’t a new concept, and neither is “adult” Creepypasta. And by the way, Creepypasta was never stated to be for adults. That’s like saying kids and only kids can eat trix cereal. It sounds that stupid on paper.

Let people interpret things the way they wanna interpret. No one is infringing on YOUR character ideas. Creepypasta has no age limit, nor a set way the horror has to be presented. Those who do continue to claim that just sound like pretentious assholes.

Very small side note, I personally think it’s inappropriate and rude to keep using Toby as a “bad example” of mental health rep when the creator has stated multiple times the character is old, not researched, and not even in the fandom anymore. Leave the poor guy alone.

#creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #jeff the killer #rant #I’m not a professional in anything don’t @ me #I’ve just been here for years #so I at the very least partially know what I’m talking about #I personally think this purist mindset and behavior is bs if you go and attack other creators #just be nice to people Ohmygod #update #eyeless Jack #slenderman

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forestdeath1 · 1 month

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Sirius’s early maturity as a result of family views and traditions. Romantic and sexual behaviour

18+

First of all, I'd like to leave a link to this meta by @artemisia-black so I don't have to write the same things that are already covered. The part about boundaries is especially important.

Next, I'll add my perspective.

1. Most likely, Sirius couldn't be a playboy or casanova due to the social organisation of their society + his personal attitude towards boundaries of other people, including women, as described in the post above.

2. However, that doesn't say much about his sexuality and romantic behavior.

More likely JKR wanted to make him straight and prone to non-committed relationships, but canon itself says nothing about his sexuality and I think everyone can read him as they want. Honestly, I personally don't care who Sirius is sleeping with/not sleeping with in people’s HCs. I care about his personality, and his sexuality doesn't change anything about his canon characterisation, so I don't particularly see the point in arguing about his sexuality (straight/gay/bi/ace/whatever) with foam at the mouth. (And he is not queer coded.)

But there is some interesting things that I’d like to discuss.

1. First of all, why the playboy/casanova version seems the most untenable to me, besides what was written in the post above?

A bit about the school and society:

In my opinion, for the WW, it's quite illogical for a student to have a large number of sexual partners. Firstly, with whom? In some fanfics, Sirius finds a new partner almost every week and fucks someone every night. Where does he find so much time for casual sex at school/during the war and where do so many people wanting casual sex come from? No matter how handsome Sirius might be, not all girls and boys are willing to have casual sex. Most people want relationships, not casual sex.

So in my view, if in your headcanon Sirius never got out into the Muggle world of the 1970s, then he couldn't have had a large number of casual sexual partners at least in school, although the playboy reputation could have been there. To have that reputation, you don't need to do anything, just being charismatic and attractive. Reputation often precedes the person. Maybe that's why Remus said 'he always got the women'. They just paid attention to him. But if we consider the WW, especially the school, there's simply nowhere to get 'many partners' from.

2. Ignoring a girl as evidence of a certain sexuality.

The fact that Sirius ignored girls' glances at him doesn't say anything concrete. But it's often cited as an argument in favour of his homosexuality and/or asexuality.

But in reality, it can be interpreted in any way. As asexuality/homosexuality or simply as a demonstration that he really was attractive to many people, but Sirius himself, accustomed to such attention, no longer paid attention to the constant attention to him. When a person knows his attractiveness from his youth, he will not pay attention to every flirtation or every person who looks at him with lust. Often such attention can even be annoying.

Also, this character was probably well aware of his attractiveness and could see it in other people. The comments about Snape are very vivid. If appearance is not at all part of a person's values and they doesn’t pay attention to appearance, then a person is unlikely to insult someone based on their appearance - it’s usually a blind-spot. But attractive appearance, given by nature, are often seen as something that can't be taken away, it's always with you, and so the attitude is simple — if you can't wash your hair, fine, it's not that important. And knowing about his attractiveness and constantly receiving a lot of attention from other people – the value of this attention diminishes. A person just no longer pays attention to it.

That’s why he might have simply ignored the girl who was looking at him with interest (who had been studying with him and probably had been looking at him with interest for more than a day).

3. The age of consent. Early maturity. TW Underage.

The age of consent in the Muggle UK is 16 years old. And in the WW, people become adults earlier, at 17. However, Pollux became a father at 13. Cygnus became a father at 13. What was the age of consent? When did they get married? Was there even a concept of age of consent in the wizarding world? Perhaps their age of consent was 12 (given that in 1275, the first age of consent was set in England, at age 12 and only in 1875, the Offences Against the Person Act raised the age to 13 in Great Britain and Ireland, and the International Statute of Secrecy was signed in 1689, it's possible that wizards are still stuck with laws from that time). Or maybe Pollux and Cygnus got married later. For example, at 15 (17-2). Or maybe they have no concept of age of consent at all and there is no prohibition on marriage before reaching legal age, so they could get married whenever they wanted. Considering that marriages are magically contracted without the involvement of authorities, this option seems viable.

I'm not here to judge fictional characters, I'm discussing facts from the canon. There is every reason to believe that for some families in the WW, "maturity" came much earlier than it does for us now, and it wasn't nonsense. Rather, it was casual liaisons that were condemned as something that could cause unwanted pregnancies. But not marriage and sex itself before the age of 17.

Even in our time and in our society "an estimated 55% of teens have had sexual intercourse by age 18". These percentages have gradually declined since 1988 when 51 per cent of female and 60 per cent of male teens have ever had sex".

Your right to consider this something bad and refuse to write/speak about it, but it was, is, and always will be a part of teenage life, and judging by the Blacks, in the WW, the attitude towards this was quite... "old-fashioned", if it concerned marriage and childbearing.

I am inclined to believe that it was the Blacks who had this attitude towards early marriage and early childbirth, and therefore towards early sex, BUT not casual sex, because nobody wanted unwanted pregnancy.

And this could have influenced Sirius's attitude towards himself, his sexuality, and how mature he considered himself. Sorry, but when your grandfather became a father at 13, as did your uncle... well, you definitely look at growing up a little differently. He put up Muggle posters too because his parents were annoyed not by the fact that he was a 14-15 year old thinking about sex (although he might not have thought about it at all, he just knew it would piss his mum off), but by the fact that he was thinking about sex with mudbloods, which horrified his parents.

Just imagine what must be going through the mind of a 14-15 year old who decided to piss his parents off. What would James do? Well, paint the room red. Put dung bombs on the head of everyone who walked in. What did Sirius do? Erotic posters (women in swimming costumes are erotic posters to their world).

In my opinion, this says a lot about all the Blacks and the fact that they have some peculiarities in their family dynamics. Where did he even get the idea for this, if Sirius and the Blacks were innocent in their attitude towards teenage sex and growing up? I can totally see them yelling at him after these posters 'if you get someone pregnant, you'll really regret it!'.

The posters themselves don't say anything about Sirius's real intentions or his sexuality – he could have just put them up to piss her mother off, knowing that it would annoy her, or he himself might have liked them.

Meanwhile, James and his parents probably had a different dynamic, and they probably treated James as a child for much longer. So James matured sexually in his mind later. His parents probably didn't even talk about such things. And considering that they went to a conservative school, then further than kissing for him at 15 was probably not even a topic, if they even got to kissing.

Most likely, Sirius's 'early maturity' and all these posters are exactly the result of intra-family traditions and views.

4. It's confirmed by Word of God that he didn't have a girlfriend, but…

If we consider only the books as canon, then we don't know anything about his girlfriend/boyfriend, and he could have had some romantic relationships, because the canon itself doesn't say anything about it.

But I'll specifically analyze the case with 'Word of God':

Well, Sirius never had time to get a girlfriend, let alone marry.

Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married.

This means only one thing: he didn't give any commitments. That's it. It doesn't mean anything more than that. He could have had no partners at all, meaning he could have been focused only on friendship. Or he could have had a sexual partner (of any gender) without commitments. One or more. Who mutually wanted this. And these relationships didn't take up much of his time.

Non-committal relationships can be with sufficient respect for the partner. This doesn't make the character a Casanova/Playboy/fuckboy.

In the monoromantic concept of serious relationships, respect for the partner is often perceived only within the context of monoromantic relationships. But that’s not the only option. In non-committal relationships, there can also be a lot of respect for the other person's boundaries because the person isn't lying about their attitude (unwillingness to have a serious relationship), does not pile on false promises and usually does not confess eternal love. But playboys and casanovas can often lie to get someone into bed.

The view on purity and filth is very interesting, but in my opinion, purity for the Blacks is conceptually not the same purity as for the upper class in the Muggle world raised in a Christian reverent tradition. Purity is primarily 'noble blood.' To be pure is to be noble, and Sirius has his own understanding of nobility, not based on blood purity. For him, honor and nobility mean being loyal to friends, being honest, not betraying, and that's why he uses epithets of impurity for Peter. Peter lacks nobility.

As I said, having one/several partners without commitments doesn't automatically make the character a playboy and casanova – in other words, it's not about the Erot of perverted Aphrodite – people who love only the body, not the inner world (seeing people as objects, ignoring the person as a whole).

So, taking into account the Word of God, I actually see only two options.

He didn't have sexual relationships at all/tried it and didn't like it/ wasn't interested/ found it not very interesting or just was more focused on his friends and other things in his life.

Or the second option – he had non-committal relationships, which were always based on respect for the partner, but it was never like 'my girlfriend/boyfriend,' more like sexually-friendly relationships where he treated his partner not just as an object for sex but as a person.

The third option, if we discard the Word of God – he could have had regular monogamous romantic relationships of any nature with any gender, as there's nothing in the canon about his sexuality.

As I said, I don't think it fundamentally changes anything about his characterisation, so no matter what his sexuality is, he should retain his canon personality traits.

#sirius black #sirius black meta #hp meta #the noble and most ancient house of black #the marauders meta

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sizzleissues · 6 months

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Can I just speak for a moment about how much I love my own future au for miraculous like guys its what I fall back on when all else is tired. I need to talk about it! Just the idea in general of the future lovesquare children — all the possibilities

Like look how sneaky she is - so cringe fail at all times

The au is primarily focused around the Emma - Adrien relationship. Adrien’s complicated feelings around his lineage and his renouncing of the cat miraculous while his daughter worships the old heroes -especially Chat Noir (and then becomes one herself). That as Kitty Bell, she tries and tries and tries and fails to be a hero like Chat Noir but she’s not like Chat Noir. She isn’t good at being Chat Noir and it’s so obvious to her that Plagg is disappointed. But she doesn’t fully understand that her desire to be like the old heroes is holding her back, she needs to be herself. When Plagg says she’s not like Chat Noir it isn’t him asking her to be more like him, it’s asking her to stop trying to be him.

And Adrien, oh Adrien, who just wanted to keep his family safe. Never thought any of this could return. Thinks at least his daughter is safe, at least there are new different heroes protecting them and they can’t be his daughter because he’s a better father than Gabriel so he’d notice. He should notice but he doesn’t until it’s too late and he has to find out her identity in the worst of ways.

And I need to write a fic on it so I can just finally feel it.

I doodle and draw them all the time and I’m redesigning everything as we speak. Literally drawing Ladybird and I can’t wait to talk about her too. The love square is so so gay in this I need you to understand. Kitty calls her Birdie (and my lady of course) and Birdie says ‘ma belle’ and so many more. And and I wrote them to do this I can’t be this obsessed

I want this to be a Paris haunted by the past. So fucking scared that it’s coming back. They saved the day 20 years ago but that doesn’t mean things were happily ever after and ooooooo things are just so fucking sweet and fucked up. And the young people just don’t get why people are so afraid. It’s all lalalala until the first big battles hit.

There’s so much in my brain I just can’tttttttt

#futures au #miraculous ladybug #sizzle rambles #emma agreste #adrien agreste

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novelconcepts · 9 months

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Watching my mom evolve over the years has been such a fun experience. For context, she's got nine kids (at least five of whom have turned out to be queer; at least four of those have turned out to be non-binary), and for most of my life, she was just your average Gen-X Irish-Italian Catholic mom. She didn't really do vocal homophobia or whatever, but she also clearly didn't know how to handle it when her firstborn interrupted a Red Wings game to announce, "I think I'm gay." (Spoiler alert: that was me at fifteen or sixteen. In retrospect, of course the Tomboy For Life who had never been remotely interested in boys but was ALWAYS talking about actresses/female friends at school a bit too much wound up being gay. And announcing it. During a hockey game. Of course.)

She also didn't really know how to handle that same kid starting to date in college, bringing a girl home, and so on. She did a bit better when the next kid came out as a lesbian, but when that kid came out as non-binary (shout-out to that sib for doing some of the heavy lifting first), it was a whole new deal. It clearly had never crossed her mind before, that this might come up. Gay? She was figuring out gay. Gender stuff? Whew. A shiny new Pokemon of a situation.

The changed pronouns have been a bit difficult for my mom. The new names still get jumbled. (In fairness, the old names got jumbled, too--it was always a laundry list of names before she got to yours, no matter what you went by, because there were just so goddamned MANY of us.) It gets harder when she's stressed, and sometimes she just seems not to be getting it. I know it frustrates my siblings deeply. It can grate on me, too. You just want people to understand out the gate, to take you at your word, to shift gears without a slip-up. You don't want the awkward conversations, the painful skips, the rough patches. It's tempting to just give up on people if they don't stick the landing immediately.

But if you look a bit deeper, there's such a soft mama bear energy to my mom. Such a stubborn determination to get it right where it really counts. My mother, who never once skipped Sunday mass as I was growing up, has left the church completely because "they don't treat my family well." My mother, who once told me not to bring a girl home because it might confuse the youngest children, bought Converse sneakers expressly for my wedding to a woman. And my mother, who had never known the word non-binary, who didn't seem aware of the trans umbrella at all before her kids started huddling beneath it, keeps leaping to tell me all about the shows she's watching lately. The ones where "there's a non-binary character, and it's so cool that people can see that now!" The ones where "and this one is non-binary, and they're so great, and maybe it'll teach the shitty politicians of the world that they're just people, you know?"

Sometimes you just have to give people a little space. Let them stumble occasionally. They're going to. They're going to trip up. My mom hurt my feelings so many times when I was young, said so many of the wrong things right on the heels of the right ones, confused and upset me because I couldn't understand why she just didn't get it. But here she is, almost sixty years old, and so gleeful to tell me about the power of queer representation on TV. She doesn't always get it right, but goddamn, does she love her kids, and goddamn, does she want the world to love people like her kids, too.

#lgbtq #queer stuff #i love my mom #watching her go from an 'eh politics whatever' catholic to someone who actively pays attention #watching her and my dad put love is love signs up in their yard #watching them work to untangle decades of thought patterns to figure out how to support their kids and people like them #it takes time. it takes more time than you'd like sometimes. but it's been so reassuring #people change. they can grow. they can learn. and they can be powered by love above all else #that's just the fucking best #and so is my mom

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transmasczeroone · 5 months

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On coming out as trans:

I live in a very middle-class, Christian, conservative area, so I was bracing myself for the worst when I decided to come out publically to my co-workers and customers. (I work in a restaurant/bar that attracts a particular demographic: Imagine middle-aged ladies coming to brunch, older men coming for a pint after work, families bringing their children and dogs, most of them white, wealthy, and cishet. For context, I'm also 5 ft 4, and pre-everything, with a gender neutral name that leans towards the girly side, at least in my country.)

The first co-worker I came out to was a low-level supervisor, a gay cis guy in his 20s. He was a bit confused at first, had to ask a lot of questions to understand exactly what was changing, but ever since then he has been unconditionally supportive. He volunteered to tell the other managers that I'm trans, so I didn't need to go through the stress of that conversation multiple times.

The rest of the managers/supervisors (all cishet) at some point or another said that I can go to them if customers or other staff bother me (which hasn't happened at all), and all get my pronouns right most of the time, and are quick to correct themselves when they don't. They even go out of their way to use affirming language - one of my co-workers realised one day that that were no women on shift at the time, turned to me and said something about it being a boys' club and included me in that category. They celebrate my small wins, and the big ones, everything from "nice haircut!" to "ohmygod you're going on testosterone soon?? I'm so happy for you!!"

One of the managers - a cishet woman in her 50s, and the one I expected to have the worst reaction - asked a lot of questions to better understand me and offered to introduce me to her friend, who is also a trans man. This is a big deal to me, because I don't know any other trans men in my area. According to my co-workers, she's better at getting my pronouns right than almost anyone else.

Another cishet guy I work with is in his 60s had to ask what my he/him badge meant when he first saw it, and now he always makes a point of getting my pronouns right, especially in front of other people who she/her me based on my appearance or who need a reminder.

The male customers I serve on the bar tend to ask what the badge means (although some prefer to stare at it in confusion and not comment at all). My usual response is, "It's to remind people that I'm not a girl, since a lot of people think I am," which omits a huge chunk of the truth, but isn't a lie. I've never had a bad response, though.

When I explain, they often say, "Wow, I never would have guessed you were a man" (ouch, dysphoria) and apologise genuinely and quite profusely for calling me "she" or "sweetheart" or whatever earlier in the interaction. They're eager to assure me that they meant no disrespect. Some even notice the badge and apologise without having to ask what it means. Nobody contradicts me, nobody is sarcastic or thinks I'm joking, and nobody has ever said anything transphobic to me or asked invasive questions. Some get confused and sort of gloss over my explanation, but nobody has been hateful. Sometimes they seem to accept me as a cis guy, other times they're clearly aware that I'm trans, but it doesn't affect their response either way.

The worst thing I've encountered is customers who see the he/him badge, blatantly ignore it, and then misgender me throughout the interaction. Not ideal, of course, but far better than what I was expecting.

This entire experience has reminded me of a time I read in a comment somewhere that transphobes are a very vocal minority, that transphobia feels like it's ramping up recently because transphobes know they're losing the war and are screaming in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously. They're scared that all their fearmongering and hatred is, in fact, getting them nowhere. Maybe there's some truth to that.

As I said before, I live in a conservative, middle-class area, and there are no queer bars, bookshops, etc. for miles and miles, but there are at least 3 churches within a 15 minute walk of my house. And in the 5 months I've been out publically, the worst transphobia I've faced from a co-worker or stranger is just them not using my pronouns until corrected.

I'm not saying don't be careful when you come out. I'm not saying that things always go well. Sometimes they go awfully, and I've had my own bad experiences.

What I am saying is that my faith in cis people has been restored to quite an astonishing degree, that sometimes people can surprise you in wonderful ways, that there are people out there willing to accept and respect us, and sometimes you find them where you least expect them.

#transition #coming out #trans #transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans boy #trans guy #ftm #zero.text #transmasculine

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kimsohn · 10 months

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we all want what we can't have

pairing . prince! jake x knight! gn reader (ft. yuna of itzy) about . 5.4k words, fluff + angst warnings . i wrote this 2 years ago so brace yourself. there's angst but it has a happy ending! jake is a flirt and yuna is gay (cause why not). this is written in a style that is meant to mimic romantic old-fashioned fantasy but i didn't do a very good job of it 😭 as always, terribly sorry in advance for this monstrosity.

synopsis . you thought coming face-to-face with prince jake would be the end of you, but sadly, getting dubbed by him seemed to be the least of your worries. note. this was originally a secret santa fic with a different idol, so sorry if there are name mistakes! this is also a repost from my old account if it seems familiar. i also apparently wrote this at 4am so please excuse the mess that this is. tagging . @stealanity @haerinz

Far, far away, past the weeping willows of the dark forests and the scorching sands of the sunburnt deserts, there laid a small vine opening, covered with twigs and vines, embedded in secrecy. Only those who seek this door could enter, and only those who dared to venture could truly experience the treasure they were meant to seek for.

Here beyond this secret entrance lay the land of Senkō, a land filled with prosperity and enchantment alike. Home to one of the world’s most charming cities, this empire carried an aura of purity that wrapped around and around and encased you tight, never wanting to let go.

And in the center of it lay a prince to match, feasting on the fresh pears from the palace garden and radiating a smile that could rival that of the blazing ball of fire that shone upon him.

“Master Jake! You shouldn’t be eating those pears; those are for the royal family’s bouquet at the end of the month!”

Jake leaned against the tree, eyeing the half-eaten pear in his hands, before glancing at the short maid who had come to warn him against his irresponsible actions.

And then he grinned.

He watched the maid’s cheeks turn bright red, resembling the rubicund apples in the orchard nearby. Nations far and beyond have acknowledged Prince Jake’s dazzling smile and incredibly handsome aura, and he was well aware of it, using it to his advantage to get out of trouble. Being flattering was simply a pastime for him.

“Are you sure I can’t have a few more pears? I’m sure I can… let you have a bite of this one if you wish.”

The maid turned profusely beet red as if she couldn’t have possibly turned into more of a tomato, and with a quick squeal, she scampered back into the castle, leaving behind a laughing Jake and a half-eaten pear.

“Didn’t know you were the designated castle flirt,” a familiar voice remarked, causing Jake’s eyes to shift to the new subject.

“You seem quite observant, Commander Sunghoon. I wonder if you would like a bite too?”

Jake dangled the pear in front of Sunghoon, commander of the royal army and his best friend, only to be met with mock disgust and a silent scoff.

“Quite humorous aren’t you, Prince Jake? Anyhow, I’ve come to ask for your presence at the induction ceremony for our recruits. Can’t have the nation’s brightest soldiers be dulled by the absence of the ever so coquettish prince, can we?”

Jake, biting the last part of the almost-finished pear, met Sunghoon’s glance with a smile. “Well, what are we waiting for? Lead the way.”

You were quite nervous.

Throughout all the rigorous training you’ve endured for the past two years, you’ve never felt so anxious. Wielding a blade and charging headfirst were tasks that came most naturally to you, but social integration and public speaking were far from your line of expertise. A million uncertainties were running through your mind at the very prospect of failure in being dubbed a soldier, and you hoped you wouldn’t end up being the nation’s royal laughingstock.

What if you tripped on stage? What if you accepted the wrong award? What if you—

“Nervous?” you heard a voice murmur next to you, filled with light amusement and tender undertones.

“In your dreams Ni-ki,” you whispered back, not willing to show weakness, although you supposed your best friend knew you better than you knew yourself.

He let out a soft chuckle, well knowing of your dishonesties, and patted your uniform-covered shoulder in a gesture for comfort.

“You’ll be fine Y/N. Besides, everyone tends to get a little weak-hearted while standing next to Prince Jake. If anything goes wrong you can just blame it on him!”

It’s not that simple, you wanted to retort, but you didn’t have the heart to diminish Nishimura’s extra-cheerful attitude today. So, you just dipped your head in respect as a mere thanks, hoping your nerves would settle down and let you breathe.

“Oh, that’s my name! See you on stage Y/N!”

You watched as Ni-ki pranced onto the carpet-covered stage, a smile flitting across your face in pure affection. Eons ago, you both had vowed to become the finest soldiers of the royal guard and here you were today, fulfilling your dreams side by side.

You found your eyes shifting from the now kneeling Nishimura to the man upright in front of him, slender hands repositioning a blade from Ni-ki’s left shoulder to his right, a movement proclaiming your best friend’s newfound royal status.

Prince Jake. The man of everyone’s dreams and desires alike. You wished you weren’t prone to his charms, but alas, everyone has their weaknesses. Jake Sim’s smile just happened to be yours.

Having been lost in your contemplations, you hadn’t realized time was nearing your turn until your wandering eyes noticed Ni-ki making his way off the stage.

“And now, let us welcome the highest-ranking recruit of this division, Y/N!”

It felt like a blur walking onto the platform, clad in combat boots and your royal uniform. Despite the loud clapping and the shrill cheering from your comrades, your eyes were trained on the man adorned in regal blue, a man you supposed you’d need to grow accustomed to.

Your breath hitched as he stepped forward to perform your accolade, and you mentally cursed yourself for having the qualities of a fangirl at this very moment. Ni-ki was right; Prince Jake had the vexatious ability to take anyone’s breath away (not that you were complaining).

“I don’t suppose you need this dubbing,” you heard, the faintest whisper of a melody so familiar yet so unique, “for your skills are far more worthy of recognition than my blade.”

Cheeks burning, you turned akin to a beetroot as you bowed your head in respect, heart thumping at the mere delight of such a wonderful man praising yours truly.

“We mustn’t skip formalities, your royal highness,” you whispered back, kneeling on one leg before him, “because even one as skilled as me would enjoy the honor of your unsheathed steel on my shoulders.”

You sensed the lightest grin pass across his face as he performed the rite of passing, and as he helped you stand back up to shake his calloused palm, he leaned in to make the faintest promise.

“One day, I hope I can have the opportunity to duel with you, the ever-so-skilled Y/N, in a match of fencing. After all, you aren’t quite the only one to receive such honor, hmm?”

True to his word, Jake arranged a duel with you. Rather than just wanting to see your form in action, the fight was arranged for a more subtle aim: Jake’s desire to get to know you. Surprisingly, or rather, unsurprisingly, he admitted that he still remembered every detail of your first encounter. He knew it seemed a little obsessive, but then again, all the male characters in books have been victims of the love-at-first-sight syndrome.

Why exactly he found you so fascinating? He didn’t quite have the answer to that himself. Maybe it was the way your confidence was nowhere to be seen despite your highest-ranking title, or the fact that you were still able to utter out cautions about formalities despite looking like you were to go faint any moment. He couldn’t deny that he found you a little cute (just a little). He’d never had a knight fancy him, especially a high-ranking one, but he wasn’t one to carp. The thought of your duality merely aroused his attention, which is why he was so keen on carrying out this match.

Although, Jake’s plans didn’t exactly schedule themselves as he wanted, because when he arrived at the grass training grounds, uniform poised and blade in tow, he was met with the faces of the rest of your peers, eager eyes ready for action.

“Sunghoon, what is the meaning of this?”

“My apologies Jake, for how would the elders take it if the royal prince wanted an individual match with a recruit?”

“Oh, you know I meant no harm—”

“Obviously, however, other people simply don’t have the pleasure of knowing your royal highness as well as I do. I kindly ask you to adjust to the current circumstances and carry this forward as a teaching lesson, rather than a chance to fancy yourself with a new lover.”

Jake paled at Sunghoon’s words, turning to face him with an impeccable glare.

“Don’t be so surprised Jake; I too am capable of noticing wandering eyes. Whether your thoughts start as mere interest or mad infatuation, please be cautious of your actions. Tis the season to be betrothed, after all.”

With the warnings ringing throughout his ears, Jake stepped up to the platform, meeting your curious eyes. Simultaneously, you both bowed, and Jake was taken aback to the formalities you’d mentioned previously before. Today you looked more at ease, and he couldn’t quite figure out what for. Was it because combat came naturally to you? Or perhaps it was the reconnection of you both? Only time would tell.

Although this was an obligatory battle, seemingly for educational and ritual purposes, Jake could sense that you wouldn’t go easy on him. That wasn’t what worried him. Jake also wasn’t the most skilled in hand-to-hand combat, and he knew what the outcome of this event would be. That wasn’t what worried him either.

What worried him was the realization that he was excited to be with you again. He recalled the past few days, tracing through them to find that his mind had often wandered off to the upcoming battle with you. The thought of getting to know how you carried this particular interest of yours, the thought of meeting your gaze again, the thought of merely perceiving you had plagued his mind until this very moment. He felt like a fool, like a little boy eyeing a certain pastry he had craved through the windowsill. Maybe Sunghoon’s wandering eyes were right; maybe he was smitten with you.

He looked up to see you unsheathing your sword, preparing for the beginning. He mimicked your action, the blade unfamiliar and uncomfortable in his hands, designed to flaunt rather than to function. The both of you poised with your arm outstretched, blades crossing and knees bent.

He could tell by the slight grin on your face that you were well aware of the outcome. He wondered if you knew he visited for entirely different reasons than battle, but judging by your expression he knew the answer was quite evident.

He was so distracted by you that he didn’t even realize the start of the duel. He focused to see that you had knocked the heavy blade of out his hand (doing him a favor, really) and as it soared in the sky, you twirled him around and pulled his back flush against your frame, encompassing him in a body lock. Jake couldn’t care less about what you were doing to him. The mere feeling of you sharing contact with him was enough to make his brain go dizzy. And quite surprisingly, he sensed that you were affected too, due to the evident rising heartbeat against his chest.

As the fight commenced and the audience clapped (blasphemy really, Jake hadn’t carried out a single action the entire time), his attention focused on your figure, which was walking off the platform. He noted your slight trembling hands and your heavy breathing, accompanied by the lack of eye contact he had once received before.

Were you nervous? Embarrassed? Or perhaps, blushing? These thoughts haunted Jake as he returned to his chambers, falling into a restless sleep filled with you, you, and only you.

A couple of weeks later, you had the opportunity to tour the extravagant castle. It was a part of your training, in case the palace ever fell under attack and you were required to defend it, however, most of your comrades took it as an opportunity to finally experience a sliver of royalty that they had never had growing up. As most of you came from poor backgrounds, the diamond chandeliers and velvet carpets seemed daunting and awe-striking, and you swore some of your units had hearts in their eyes as they dragged their fingers along the winding corridors of the palace.

You, however, weren’t quite as interested. The sole purpose for your visit was education and you made sure to concern yourself with only that, disregarding most of the accessories and amenities the palace had to offer. You didn’t really focus on most of the extravagant interior (although that was probably the most vital segment in your training) because you knew it was filled with barely-touched rooms designed to complement and boast. All fortresses were built with the sole impression of looking majestic, and the only part you deemed important for your training were the places in which the royal family frequented.

You were told that Jake enjoyed the palace gardens, so you ventured off to exactly there, mentally mapping out particular landmarks that you help you familiarize layout. You could see exactly why he frequented this location; the white rose bushes and worn stone paths resounded a sense of serenity, and you soon forgot about the actual reason you were here, continuing to inhale every petal and feel every path of grass underneath your sole-covered toes.

Somehow you had found your way to the fountain, sitting on the edge and tracing your palm across the clear water drawing ripples. You had laughed when you first found the location because of the angel sitting atop the basin, reminding you exactly of the man behind the reason you had come here.

Jake. It always seemed to steer back to him. After your duel you simply couldn’t stop your brain from wandering off to his presence, the way he moved, his pretty eyelashes, his kissable li—

“Y/N, are you okay?”

You hadn’t realized you were extremely close to falling into the fountain until Jake’s voice resounded, bringing you out of your quite embarrassing daydream. A flush covered your rosy cheeks as you locked gazes with him and nodded, letting him pull you up to your feet and away from the water.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, gripping your shoulders lightly.

Your brain felt dizzy from the direct contact, and your throat dried up as you attempted to speak.

“Training, walking around memorizing—”

“Calm down Y/N, I understand. Please take a seat love, you must’ve had quite the shock from almost falling into that fountain,” he responded, gesturing to a patch of pasture as he pulled you down next to him.

If your brain wasn’t malfunctioning already, it definitely was now. Love. The word floated through your head like dandelion seeds in rough winds, like a kite gone lost. No one had ever called you such an endearing term before, and despite not knowing Jake’s intentions behind it, you still cherished the four letters he had chosen to label you.

You wondered what Jake would say if he knew the reason you almost fell was the fact that you were daydreaming about him. Or perhaps he already knew? You turned to ask him something of the sort, only to meet his preset gaze on you already.

Maybe it was a part of your imagination, but he stared at you as if you held the universe in your arms. If Jake Sim was the sun, he stared at you as if you were an even brighter star speckled somewhere far, far away from his vicinity, yet so, so close. His stare was so warm, so tender that it made you want to shine more brilliantly to keep that expression within his eyes and his heart and never, never ever let go of it.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” you found yourself asking instead, your tense atmosphere dissipating and shifting into something more fond, more affectionate.

“Like what?” he returned, a slight grin on his face indicating he already knew the answer.

“Like you’re in love with me,” you blurted out, the impact of your words hitting you only after you’d recited them.

His gaze shifted, turning into something rawer and more emotional, almost as if you had crossed an unknown boundary and he didn’t know how to react to it. You could feel regret filling your feelings, and maybe he sensed that too because he changed the topic, effectively shutting down any potential outbursts.

“Come on Y/N, let’s get you back to the castle. Your comrades must be worrying about your absence.”

Since then, it had become quite the regular occasion for you to cross paths with the prince in the palace gardens (willingly or unwillingly, you wouldn’t answer). Sometimes you had Ni-ki in tow (only for him to be cast aside anyway), and sometimes you strolled alone, subconsciously keeping an eye out for the man that had somehow bewitched your heavy heart.

You didn’t know when the line blurred between admiration and romance, but you quite simply didn’t care because the Jake Sim had given you his time in return for conversation. He seemed to be enjoying seeing you, talking to you, breathing with you, sitting with you so close that your shoulders almost touched and you could lean over and kiss him. Out of all the pretty humans, he wanted your time, your affection, your words, and your smiles. And you certainly weren’t complaining.

At times you’d find yourselves talking about anything and everything in the world, and at others, you’d fall into silence, bedridden with comfort. His presence grew consolatory to you, an aphrodisiac you’d simply succumbed to throughout the routine of your lifestyle. His figure often occupied your thoughts before you slept, and you’d wake up to the chirping birdcalls in anticipation of your next meeting. Dreaming, you were, as you floated with your feet in the dappled clouds blessed with the warm sunshine that was Jake’s laughter.

Deep within your mind, buried for a later reflection was the hidden notion of restriction, of not being allowed to fall for the charms of his royal highness. A dangerous tightrope you pranced on, shying towards his flirtatious advances and straying away from the acceptance of your feelings. You knew that one day had to come to terms with reality, but that day was not today, not yesterday, not tomorrow. Soon, you presumed, soon enough to infiltrate your worries but not soon enough for you to distance yourself from your growing affections.

One day, when the night sky was particularly clear and the white stars were particularly bright, Jake asked you a simple question.

“Y/N, what happens when you… you want something you can’t have?”

You turned to your side, meeting the heavy, cautious glance of the human next to you. Jake always seemed very grown up to you, perhaps because of his princely duties, but at this very moment, he resembled a childish boy, as if he had broken a vase behind his mother’s back and tried to hide from his consequences.

You couldn’t tell if you enjoyed his cautious vulnerability, but you did have the slightest inkling of the layers hidden underneath his seemingly simple question.

“Well, it’s human nature, your royal highness. I suppose it—”

“No but, what happens?” he prompted, effectively cutting your words off and leaving you wordless.

“Well,” you started after some consideration, trying to phrase your answer quite sensibly, “well then, it’s simple. You bear the consequences. Because Jake, we all want what we can’t have.”

And the look on his face haunted your dreams for many nights.

The royal banquet was an event many anticipated, Jake very well included. Delicacies from far and wide were served upon gold platters (made with numerous ingredients such as the pears Jake was discovered feasting on), and although it served as a chance for royal delegations with countries much like theirs, the entire palace staff was invited. It was an occasion simply to remember, and Jake being excited was a bit of an understatement.

Jake couldn’t deny that a factor of his enthusiasm was your attendance this year. Despite having many acquaintances, the only person Jake typically interacted with at formal events was Sunghoon, and your presence would be a nice contrast to his usual experience.

(And maybe he’d been waiting for a chance to see you outside of your occasional garden getaways, but he’d never admit to it.)

From the moment Jake arrived at the occasion, his eyes were searching for you. Although he knew training kept you for quite a while, his gaze was always focused on the entrance, hesitantly waiting with a chocolate mousse in hand.

“Sunghoon, when do you suppose the knights will arrive?”

“Your Highness, not to be disrespectful but you’ve asked this question thrice already. They will be here soon, I swear.”

“Sorry Sunghoon,” Jake responded, embarrassed but too bashful to care, “as you can see, I’m quite impatient.”

“It is quite obvious, your Highness. Here, why don’t we preoccupy ourselves with conversation? I’m sure our comrades from far and wide will be expectant to speak a few words with you, hmm? It will take your mind off, ahem, a particular other person.”

Conversation was the plan and Jake followed it, mingling with his guests to distract himself. As a prince, Jake was born and raised to frequent polite manners and converse equivalently, but truth be told, his usual acquaintances were young women seeking a way to his heart (and his money). At normal times he wouldn’t be bothered by such minor inconveniences, but today he just couldn’t seem to return the same flirtatious advances.

Maybe it was due to the certain soldier lingering at the tip of his tongue, the corners of his brain. Jake was extremely lucky that he was graced with a good enough appearance that women seemed to be entranced by because, without it, he most likely would’ve received complaints regarding his obvious disinterest towards people who garnered it.

He was able to flutter around casually until his mother pulled him aside, excitedly urging him to direct his attention to his father’s annual oration. Jake was, simply put, perplexed as to why she was so enthusiastic about a simple speech, but he followed his mother’s orders, anticipation bubbling inside his ever-so-faint heart.

He should’ve protected his heart while he could’ve.

“With proud honor, I would like to announce the betrothal of my son, Jake Sim, to the elegant princess of the Shin kingdom, Princess Yuna!”

The only emotion Jake felt was numbness. Despite Sunghoon shaking his shoulder like a madman and a multitude of cheers resounding around him, the only thing that phased Jake was the distant sound of a plate crashing, igniting an unknown fear hidden deep within his heart.

And as clapping echoed around Jake, he whipped around to see broken shards of glass speckled on the floor, and the love of his life running away with the intention of never seeing him again.

In many novels you had read the phrase ‘the heart grows fonder with distance’, but you never assumed it to be true until you started evading the prince.

It had been approximately three weeks since your last meeting (not that you were counting), and you seemed to be facing insanity. Once a narrative that followed romance novels, your tale now diverged into that of heartbreak and sorrow, betrayed by the person whom you were most bewitched by.

No books in your library explicated how to heal a torn heart, so you confided in the most trustworthy source you knew: Nishimura Riki.

“See Y/N, this is why you should never trust a man.”

“But Ni-ki you—”

“I’m the exception.”

Was your best friend the most suitable option for comfort? Mayhaps not, but he tried to the best of his abilities, and you appreciated his efforts.

Three consecutive knocks startled the both of you and before you could even stand upright, Ni-ki had opened the door, coming face to face with the royal commander. The both of you bowed to your superior, who merely waved the formalities off and requested an audience for a short while.

“Knight Y/N, I request you see the prince immediately as—”

“With all due respect Sir Sunghoon, I have no desire of interacting with his royal highness ever again.”

“Y/N—”

“My decision is final.”

With a dejected expression and a heavy heart, Sunghoon left the building, leaving you with a shattered mind and a dull ache in your chest. Today’s interaction had broken the thin wall you had mentally built to separate you and your lover, and you traveled right back to the beginning as if you had just run away from a shattered glass plate and a wedding announcement.

The only word to describe your predicament was reality. You and Jake had spent weeks floating around in the heavens, soaring through the skies like kites let free. Now your feet were grounded, bound in shackles that hauled behind you, growing heavier and heavier with each teardrop.

You suppose there was a way to free yourself, but it wasn’t a solution that would be found yesterday, today, or tomorrow. Once soaring, you were now drowning, ruined in the faint memories of him, him, and only him.

Days passed with monochromasy, and you buried yourself in work with the hopes of distraction. The gardens were a plate untouched, unseen to your naked eye, and instead, you frequented the confines of your bed, once slumbering with dreams about a certain man now only to slumber with cold rivulets gushing down your cheeks instead.

Hatred filled your once curious heart, seeping deep within chambers once filled with pliant affection. You found yourself obsessively irritated at training, lashing out at your colleagues for the simplest of matters and aggressively sparring during practice. As a knight, you well knew that patience was key, but Jake Sim had ignited your murderous streak and cursed you with eyes of red vision, fury the only lens through which you noticed your surroundings.

But most ironically, you hated that you wished him back. Dusk was spent with tear-stained cloths and torn newsletters, every inch of your being reminding you of who you once were. And you hated that while you were suffering, he was enjoying his new fiancé, frequenting ballrooms and relishing lively conversation.

You wanted him gone (and yet you wanted him close). You really did.

“So, Jake, what’s your favorite color?”

Jake hated everything about this setup. Currently, he was spending time with his bride-to-be (his parents had forced him to for a good relationship), and he wouldn’t be lying if he said this was extremely awkward. There was nothing wrong with Yuna per se; in all the right circumstances, Jake would’ve thought her an ideal bride. However, she wasn’t you. She wasn’t the one that he was in love with, the one that flitted through his dreams every night, the one he spent every day thinking of, the one he was smitten with.

“It’s blue. Yours?”

“Mine too!”

They both fell silent. Silence. Whenever the noise diminished between you and Jake, it felt comfortable. It was nice to cherish and he basked in it. But this silence? This silence was awkward, something he wanted to throw off a jagged cliff and never see again.

“You’re in love with someone, aren’t you?” Yuna suddenly asked, chewing on a piece of asparagus.

“What? Of course not. And even if I was, it wouldn’t matter.”

“Jake, I don’t want to spend an eternity with someone that doesn’t love me.”

His heart softened at her words, and he turned to glance up at her calculating gaze as if he was a mathematics theorem she was meant to prove. And Jake despised math.

“But we can’t—”

“We can Jake. If you will for something so badly, the universe will grant your wish. And I can see your desperation, Jake. You’re in love.”

“Stop. Please. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

They both fell silent again but this time it seemed tense, conniving. After a few moments of shifting the uneaten steak on his plate, Jake spoke up again.

“I apologize. I shouldn’t have been so impolite,”

“No no, the fault is mine. I intruded into decisions that you should be making, and I just heavily influenced you.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, have you ever been in love with someone Yuna? Do you know what it feels like?”

Yuna stopped playing with the food on her plate, freezing at Jake’s words.

“I have been in love, actually.”

Jake waited silently, noticing Yuna’s shaking hands.

“Love is a fragile thing, Jake. Once shattered, no matter how much you try to put the pieces back together, they won’t ever fit the same. I shattered it, Jake. I shattered my love for her because I wasn’t brave enough to back out of this arrangement.”

With caution, Jake outstretched his arm, silently holding Yuna’s as a sign of comfort. Although he couldn’t see her teardrops, he could hear them.

“Please Jake, please don’t make the same mistake as me.”

He looked up at her, teary-eyed and soulless, urging him on.

And then he ran.

He ran and he ran, as far as his legs could take him and even past the point of that, with only one goal in mind. Time felt supersonic, a blur that he seemed to experience only with the presence of you. Your name was all that echoed in his mind. He didn’t know where you were, or how you were doing, but he knew he had to find you. To tell you how much he loved you, how much he wanted you, how much of a fool he was letting you go. He was an idiot. But he was yours.

Your house was the first place he had visited, opening the door to a slightly angry Nishimura who relaxed once realizing the situation. He didn’t know where you were. He tried the training ground, only to see it empty. The garden, and the banquet hall, all empty. He felt like he was losing his mind, a game of cat and mouse making him a madman.

And then it hit him.

He burst open the doors to the stage, seeing you sitting on top, tracing mindless circles into the polished wood. You looked up at his entrance, your eyes filling with rage and angst as you turned to get up and leave the area.

He hated it. Eyes once filled with love and affection towards him now were violent. He loathed that he was the cause of your misery. And he was going to do everything to fix it.

“Y/N! Y/N please, please don’t leave. Just listen to me for five minutes. That’s all I ask.”

You stilled, your backbone facing him. “And why should I?”

“Because, because I made a mistake. I’ll admit it; I knew that day would come. I knew my fate was predetermined and it was my stupid fault for being a coward to not change it. And yes, I made a mistake in falling for you.”

“Is this what you—”

“But I don’t regret it. Not one bit. Because if loving you was a mistake, then I’d make it over and over again for the rest of my life. If loving you was a mistake, then suddenly I adore mistakes, because loving you was the best thing that could ever happen to me.”

He trudged up the platform, facing your tearful eyes.

“You once told me that we all want what we can’t have. I couldn’t have you Y/N. But I wanted you. I still do, so, so badly.”

He kneeled, handing you the sword he’d dubbed you with the first day you two had met.

“I want to be with you Y/N. No matter how hard it is, I want to try. So will you dub me as a knight for your love?”

He couldn’t tell what you were thinking. With tears streaming down your face and his heart pounding out of his chest, he braced himself for the worst, closing his eyes shut.

Only for you to shakily shift the blade from his shoulder to shoulder, dropping down to your knees and hugging him, crying into his shoulder.

“Knights swear an oath to never do the wrong thing, you idiot,” you speak softly, breathily, and he can feel your small smile against his shoulder. “Then I’ll be an idiot. Your idiot.”

214 notes · View notes

respectthepetty · 10 months

Note

Well well well well!

I have seen you being asked about your fav TW BL dramas. but I’m here to ask about…… your top 10 (or however many you want tbh) BL thai dramas!

Teeheeheeee!!

Ps: can someone else pop up and then ask you too Korean BL dramas? *wink*

Anon, I think YOU will have to come back and ask about my top Korean dramas because after people see this list, they will realize how trashy I truly am and never seek a response from me again. I've already written about my Top GMMTV Actors, my Top GMMTV Pairs, and my Top Five Taiwanese BLs, but this requested list will really show people that I am a dumpster fire, so let me present my

Top Ten Thai BLs

Before I start, I need to list my personal preferences since I have watched over 150 Thai BLs (if not 200), with a third coming from within the past year and a half alone. A show must meet at least two:

Don't bury the gay (MANDATORY!)

Be gay. Do crime! aka "Eff the police" (literally or figuratively)

I'm a messy bi, and I'll cry if I want to

Adulting is hard like my sexual attraction for you

Vice Vers(a) - Flipping the norms and changing dynamics

Next, I need to establish some ground rules:

The series must have completed prior to June 1, so Step by Step, Be My Favorite, La Pluie and other running shows cannot be considered.

It had to be marketed as a BL, so 3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, and Great Men Academy cannot be considered.

I could only pick a pair once, so most of GMMTV shows couldn't be considered if I picked another show the pair was featured in.

It couldn't have hurt my queer feelings, so My Only 12%, Until We Meet Again, I Told Sunset about You, and 180 Degree Longitude Passes through Us were cut for rubbing salt in real-world wounds.

A third of the final list had to be BL shows that aired prior to 2022.

Narrowing it down with those two filters, here are a dozen shows that didn't make the cut with a brief reasoning:

The Eclipse - pair already picked

Triage - the gay died each time the clock reset

Ghost Host, Ghost House - not within my personal preferences

Never Let Me Go - aired in 2022. Sorry Jojo!

My School President - pair already picked

Secret Crush on You - aired in 2022

Bad Buddy - it knows what it did to me

Together with Me - pair already picked

Lovely Writer - not within my personal preferences

A Tale of Thousand Stars - pair already picked

Between Us - it knows what it did to me

My Ride - not within my personal preferences

One more thing before I give you the list -

Honorable Mentions

To Sir, With Love

I was raised on soap operas and telenovelas, so this lakorn was seventeen episodes of blissful drama, yet served one of the best pairings and family members of 2022. It was also a historical drama, so the ending being happy was unexpected, but much appreciated.

Destiny Seeker

All the shows on my list have color coding, but this show wins every color-coding award I can give. As a self-proclaimed color demon, this show fed my soul and my heart with its color exchange between two great characters who were just trying to unify the Pretty Boys and the Jocks in a tale as old as time, yet more colorful than ever.

Now, the actual list

Top Ten Thai BLs

#10 - Dark Blue Kiss

Pete and Kao went from a bit toxic in This Kiss series, to a solid couple trying to navigate the difficult situation of having one person in a relationship still in the closet. The reason was realistic as well - career. Kao coming out could have not only hurt his future, but his mother's job as well, and the socioeconomic difference between Pete and Kao was front and center during these discussions. Mix all of that with the addition of Sun and Mork and their dynamic of light enemies to lovers, and this ended up being a surprise favorite. It also had beautiful cinematography at a period when the production value of BLs was being elevated which is greatly due to director/screenwriter Aof and cinematographer Rath.

#9 - Big Dragon

If someone would have told me during the first episode that I would like love this show as much as I did by the end, I would not have believed it, but here I am, in love with this show. It started off with two idiots being at their peak toxic level, yet ended with the softest men in love. The cinematography was beautiful, Mangkorn and Yai had a natural chemistry when teasing each other, and the music was good, so good that I actually listened to the lead sing his love confession…twice! Mos and ISBANKY made me excited to see what else Star Hunter has in store, and that was a door I had closed long ago. Big Dragon 2 when?

#8 - Bed Friend

Much like Big Dragon, I showed up for a raunchy series about fuck buddies, but ended up witnessing two men work through trauma and showed that with support, healing is possible. King was the biggest green flag that has ever graced my screen, and the way Net's big brown eyes portray lust, love, and devotion is a skill that only matches James' embodiment of a sex kitten. I watched them in Catch Me Baby, but Bed Friend brought an entire new level of chemistry from them that balanced the heavier aspects of the show in a way that any other pair would have squandered. Because of NetJames, this show will remain in my tops for years to come, and makes me even more excited for Love Upon a Time.

#7 - You're My Sky

We, collectively, did this show dirty. As BL fans, we did not appreciate it enough, and still don't. Because it came out in 2022, a year stacked with excellent BLs, it was pushed to the sidelines when it should have been at everyone's top for any number of reasons like the pairings were solid (childhood friends, senior/freshman, pseudo-enemies to lovers), the plot was consistent, and the cinematography was beautiful. We have a few sports-related BLs which do a great job of discussing the connection between toxic masculinity and male-dominated sports, and although this series didn't lean all the way in, it gave us a glimpse of what men must sacrifice in order to be considered the best in such an environment, especially when it comes to love.

#6 - Not Me

Every character is shippable with every other character. That is the power of this series. Yet, because I’m petty, I’m still holding a grudge not about GramBlack (Eugene/Gene, really?!) BUT that ToddBlack did not happen! In a show that was queer in several aspects (marriage equality, society’s disapproval, found family, etc.), it was strange that it didn’t deliver on the Black front examining how power dynamics, socioeconomic inequality in regards to privilege, and performance of masculinity affect queer experiences (all possessed by the ToddBlack pairing), but what it did deliver was a great premise about fighting back against oppression (labor discrimination, educational gaps, monopolies), which is why even though the ending was shaky, it still deserves a top spot for existing.

#5 - KinnPorsche

As much as I wrote about this show, I’m shocked it isn’t #1, but sitting through the final episode’s credits believing what I believed about Vegas left me feeling a certain type of way that I’m still not over. It had all the elements I love: Be gay, do crime, messy tears, vice vers(a), and the cinematography was perfection. Symbolism and foreshadowing were intertwined into every scene, so watching each episode was an experience and the aftermath was devouring hours of meta analysis. This was the first series I was excited to watch live unmuted and at normal speed, and I liked each pairing, plus rooted for others who were never going to happen (Big & Chan, Khun & everyone), which made this a fun journey even after the final credits finished (World Tour, anyone?!).

#4 - Love Mechanics

I LOVE MESS, and this show gave me ten glorious messy episodes of the messiest mess. Much like the chokeholds VeeMark excelled out, this show had me by the throat (implication intended). I was shocked when it was announced En of Love: Love Mechanics would be remade and extended from four episodes into ten. I liked the original, but the basic plot (drunkenly having sex right at the beginning – how very Together with Me of them) did not sit well with me the first time around, yet once I saw the remake’s trailer, I WAS SOLD! Look at the angst! Look at the pining! Look at the chemistry! Look at the same steps and dorm from Together with Me! I could write forever about this show because it is better than the original, it was so similar to Together with Me that I had to squint to make sure it wasn’t, and the happy ending with Mark’s tears, although never doubted, feels like a personal win, which is why it was my number one of 2022.

#3 - Manner of Death

MaxTul own me. Every couple I watch gets compared to MaxTul and the chemistry they bring. Together With Me is a favorite, but when Manner of Death aired, it spotlighted the evolution of MaxTul in the most beautiful way imaginable. The dark plot of drug and sex trafficking was difficult for most, but both of these characters' commitment to finding the truth in their own way while taking on the ACAB attitude even towards the one police officer they did like was a buffet that just kept serving me. I was truly worried because of the nature of the show that a happy ending wouldn't be possible, but not only did the show end with vows being exchanged, but the promise of another season as well. TRANSPLANT WHEN?!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken

This was an adult show and toes the line of being truly queer media rather than a standard BL. I felt seen every time Jim sat silently examining his life and his choices. His hesitation to open his heart again to another person after being hurt in such a realistically queer way in a country that doesn't have marriage equality almost made me cut this show due to hurting my queer feelings. However, if I was willing to give up three pairs (FirstKhao -The Eclipse, GeminiFourth - My School President, and EarthMix - A Tale of Thousand Stars) for this one show, I knew it had to included. Aof working around the grief of losing a parent while examining gentrification and generational trauma all through a queer lens is a feat most would fail at, but this show shines, literally and figuratively thanks once again to cinematographer Rath.

#1 - He's Coming to Me

I must end where I began - Aof, the director and screenwriter, changed the Thai BL game with this one, and hasn't slowed down since, which is why two of his other pieces are in my top ten, and several others are featured in my short list. Cinematographer Rath has also made his mark on this list, and it all started with this one for me. No other BL series has stuck with me the way He's Coming to Me has. Not one element of this show doesn't work. It's cohesive. It's emotional. It's everything to me. I cannot give this show enough praise. It created a unique magic in eight episodes that hasn't left my heart for four years.

And probably never will.

Now, who wants to ask about Korea?

#top thai bls #he's coming to me #moonlight chicken #manner of death #love mechanics #kinnporsche #not me #you're my sky #bed friend #big dragon #dark blue kiss #to sir with love #destiny seeker #thai bls

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johannestevans · 6 months

Text

So you finished Our Flag Means Death…

What show do you want to obsess over now?

Also read on Medium / / Read on Patreon.

So, Our Flag Means Death, unexpected workplace romcom chock-a-block with anachronistic 18th century fun, piracy on the high seas, gay and trans and otherwise genderweird and queer characters, not to mention neurodivergent and disabled ones, is over for at least another year. You’re aching for something of a similar flavour to fill the gap — especially if, like many of us, the finale has left you disappointed and eager to watch a show with a bit more care for its queer audiences.

Want recs?

After finishing Our Flag Means Death, I’m in the mood for…

Ed cradling Stede’s face in S1 of Our Flag Means Death. Via IMDb.

… more (relatively) light-hearted queer comedy!

The most obvious example I can start with is, of course, What We Do In The Shadows. While its fifth season was weak, its sixth season was in my opinion its best ever — a spin-off of the Taika Waititi-directed (and starring) mockumentary film of the same name, WWDITS is a fun-filled, ridiculous and deeply silly show starring a variety of incompetent and bumbling and blood-thirsty vampires and their various friends, enemies, and companions. It’s constantly and continuously queer, with the majority of the cast of characters being openly bisexual, and one of them being gay and having an emotive coming-out arc with his family.

Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and Guillermo de la Cruz (Harvey Guillén) in WWDITS. Via IDMb.

WWDITS follows the adventures of Guillermo de la Cruz, fat and gay and badass and so fucking pretty, the familiar to a vampire named Nandor the Relentless, a big himbo ex-warrior plagued by insecurity and ready to enter in power struggles with anybody from a fellow warrior to a household appliance, and the rest of Nandor’s household — Laszlo Cravensworth (once an English aristocrat, still a dandy, charming, slutty, and well-spoken — and often tinkering with experiments or DIY), Nadja of Antipaxos (once an impoverished member of a Mediterranean village, dramatic, intelligent, sharp-witted, and wry — and often getting involved in various misadventures), and Colin Robinson (an “emotional vampire” who feeds by boring those about him, dull, mundane, and painfully cringe at all times in the best of ways). As a mockumentary, its tone is silly and light-hearted, but it’s not without its emotional stakes, and there’s so many references to other pop culture vampires.

The BBC’s sitcom, Ghosts, is a great sitcom to go for if you’re in the mood for more of a neurodivergent found family vibe, with sumptuous costumes and a complex and intriguing cast who have a lot of wonderful moments with each other. The show follows Alison and Mike, who inherit a manor house and find when they start to refurbish it that it’s full to the brim with silly, ridiculous, and unrelentingly friendly — not to mention antagonistic — ghosts. Ghosts, like Our Flag Means Death claimed to be prior to its S2 finale, is a tremendously loving and kind show — it spends a lot of its time building up flawed characters and encouraging them to change and grow, giving you time as a viewer to love them.

See any familiar faces? Many of the Ghosts cast also appear in Horrible Histories. Via IMDb.

The show is not as continuously or constantly queer as WWDITS, but it does have elements of queerness dotted around the main cast, particularly in the character of the Captain, the ghost of a WW1 soldier who was never deployed abroad, but spent his time in service yearning for the intimate company of a fellow soldier.

Brendan Scannell and Zoe Levin in Bonding. Via IMDb.

Want something a little weirder, a little kookier? Crave a bit more of the BDSM flavouring around Our Flag, more whips, more leather, more latex, more kink? You might like to try Bonding — this show features a woman who begins moonlighting as a dominatrix and then employs her gay BFF as her assistant. It suffers from the tendency shows like this have to sideline Pete a bit as the gay BFF, with some of his characterisation being squandered to prop up the less interesting protagonist, but it’s really funny and honestly super heartfelt.

And if you want really weird, really kooky, and unabashedly and delightfully and wonderfully queer, there is always The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo, which is a gorgeously funny and loving gay comedy that you can watch online!

Apart from those above, you might like to try Special (a sitcom exploring the romantic and sexual misadventures of a deeply selfish and flawed character a la Stede Bonnet, this one a young gay man with cerebral palsy), Schitt’s Creek (a sitcom about a posh family falling on hard times and featuring several queer characters, particularly the bisexual David Rose, played by Dan Levy), and Grace and Frankie (a show about two ageing women who are best friends, and whose husbands leave them to start a romance with one another).

… more of the stunning cast!

You’ve watched Our Flag Means Death and you’re craving more of the spectacular and incredibly skilled cast.

If you want more of Nathan Foad (Lucius Spriggs) particularly, you’re in luck — last year, Foad wrote and served as executive producer on a show loosely inspired by his early life as a weird boy growing up gay in Nottinghamshire, Newark, Newark. It’s very silly, funny, full to the brim with love, and also deeply silly and willing to get in touch with the cringe side of life. It’s only three episodes, but starring the unparalleled Morgana Robinson as the harried mother of Leslie, the closeted-but-not sixteen-year-old who is trying desperately to lead the tragic gay life he’s seen on TV, it really makes the most of that limited runtime, and it’s so fucking good. Nathan Foad even has a cameo in it as a freaky and overfamiliar employee at the bowling alley.

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He has a cameo in another great show, too — Bloods is an incredible sitcom about two NHS paramedics working in an ambulance together. It’s rapid-paced, it’s messy, it’s horrible and hilarious, and it stars Jane Horrocks as Wendy across from Our Flag’s Samson Kayo (Oluwande) as Maleek. The two are chalk and cheese in the front seat of their ambulance together, and Kayo is so incredible in the lead role balancing Maleek’s own desire to appear as cool and tough whilst also being vulnerable and having his own insecurities, especially because Wendy challenges him on so many points. Wendy is great as well, the two an exercise in contrasts, but Kayo and Horrocks are spectacular among an equally spectacular cast — you get to see so many different dynamics at the depot and in other settings, amongst other NHS staff, and the show is non-stop with the punches and the punchlines. If you really enjoy how well-balanced and how fitting the soundtrack to Our Flag is, you’ll love the music and its pacing in Bloods. Foad’s cameo in this is as Wendy’s neurotic and kind of a fuck-up son, and he’s so messy.

If you want more of Joel Fry (Frenchie), he stars in the first few seasons of Plebs — this is a goofy comedy set in Ancient Rome, and it’s not dissimilar to The Inbetweeners in its tone and content. Some of the jokes are funny, sometimes. I don’t recommend it because it really gives Joel Fry his full acting chops — but he’s hot and he’s funny and he’s cute in this, and even if you’re not super passionate about the show, if you like Frenchie, you probably will like Stylax too.

Joel Fry and Con O’Neill (Izzy Hands) also both play characters in season 2 of Ordinary Lies, which is an anthology series, so you don’t need to watch season 1. The premise of the show each season is that the narrative jumps between characters in a workplace and explores the ramifications of the small lies they tell themselves and each other. While O’Neill’s role is a more typical set of lies that concerns adultery (or not), Fry’s involves vigilanteism and attempts at superheroism, and the plot is quite fun. This show is obviously a drama, and is tragically heterosexual on many points, but for all that, has its good and intriguing elements too.

But what about Con O’Neill doing what he’s good at — playing wet, pathetic men? Very wet, very pathetic men? In Happy Valley, O’Neill plays a gloriously wet and pathetic man named Neil Ackroyd, who enters into a relationship with the protagonist, Catherine Cawood’s, sister, Clare. Clare is an alcoholic in recovery, as is Neil, and they have a really sweet and mutually supportive relationship — Neil’s particularly gorgeous in the most recent series, where he really dotes on Catherine’s grandson, Ryan, and he and Clare play a great duo. Neil is introduced in the beginning of season 2.

The premise of the series is that Catherine Cawood, a police officer in Yorkshire, is attempting to solve crimes while at the same time her grandson, Ryan, is curious about and desires to make contact with his father, whom he has never met. Ryan’s mother was raped by his father and died by suicide after Ryan’s birth, whereon Catherine raised him alongside her sister. Happy Valley is a cop show, and Catherine Cawood is really funny as a character. She’s a deeply conservative and cruel, reactionary woman who constantly engages in police brutality whilst trampling over people’s rights — she believes that people are born evil and bad, effectively, and while she often talks about the effects poverty have on people’s outlooks, lifestyles, and actions, she can’t quite make that connection with her beliefs. As a cop show, it’s really interesting because it’s very pro-cop and tries to be on Catherine’s side for much of her crueller actions, but at the same time is so starkly blunt about the awful shit she does that it doesn’t exactly make you put faith in cops no matter the intent. Clare Cawood, and then Neil, are naturally far more critical of Catherine’s perspective.

But if you really loved Izzy at his best in S2, if you love Izzy full of love whilst also being precise and cold and calculated in the defence of his family, if you love him beautiful and wonderful and unabashedly queer, you’ll undoubtedly adore Val, who appears in Uncle as the transfem and gorgeous dad of Gwen. Uncle isn’t a great TV show, it’s an example of one of those shows where they give a deeply dull cishet white dude who feels insecure a show where he sort of masturbates about how much he sucks and how he’s unlovable, but really, isn’t it on the people around him to love him anyway?

But Val is great. She’s so much fun, she’s funny and sharp and full of quips, she’s flirtatious, she’s hot, and she has some tremendous gender stuff going on as well as some gorgeous costuming throughout. If you like Uncle’s humour, watch all the episodes — if you don’t, just skip everything that doesn’t have Val in it. Val is where the good stuff is.

Or don’t watch it at all, and just watch this scene pack on YouTube:

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Taika Waititi appears far more in great movies than he does TV shows, although he’s also one of the producers on Reservation Dogs, which is excellent — it’s a native-led and starring comedy series, and it rocks. Most of the time when Waititi does TV, it’s in cameos.

Apart from the cameo he makes in the What We Do In The Shadows TV show, I mentioned in the sitcom section, Taika Waititi also appears in the Flight of the Conchords TV series, starring the band members of the band of the same name. Rhys Darby also appears in every episode as Jemaine and Bret’s fictional manager, Murray Hewitt, and Murray is such a fun, bizarre character — and with a wholly different facial hair situation than you might have imagined for him before.

Wholly different facial hair. Via IMDb.

… more sailors!

Pickings are slim for a good pirate show, or indeed, any good show with nautical flavours to it — scenes at sea are high budget and hard to shoot, and as was evident with much of Our Flag Means Death’s second season at the hands of HBO Max, many studios do not want to proffer the budget for such things.

Let’s start with the best of recommendations — a show that’s unapologetically queer, anti-imperialist, anti-establishment, and full to the absolute brim with pirates, historical and fictional. Interested in Mary Read, Anne Bonny, Calico Jack, Benjamin Hornigold, Israel Hands, or of course, the inimitable Edward ‘Blackbeard’ Teach, real historical pirates who are portrayed and played with in the course of Our Flag Means Death, and want to see a very different take on them? Enjoy lesbians constantly scheming to kill each other, torture each other, and generally make one another miserable (sexual)? Read Treasure Island, perhaps, and ever wonder what came before?

Not-Yet-Captain Flint (Toby Stephens) and Thomas Hamilton (Rupert Penry-Jones) in Black Sails. Via IMDb.

Black Sails has all of the above and more — while it is very queer and anti-establishment, I will say that it’s far more similar in tone to Game of Thrones than to OFMD. The comedy bits are hilarious in part because the stakes are so high, but Black Sails is firmly a drama, and a gritty, violent one at that. It lacks the escapism present in OFMD — there is constant and continuous sexual violence, brutal gore and brutality, racism, classism, deep misogyny and homophobia from the society around the characters. The characters on offer are varied and complex, flawed, and interesting, but your mileage may vary with how much you vibe with them.

Making use of some of Starz’ old set pieces for Black Sails, including some of their ships, the new One Piece live-action reboot — an adaptation of the anime of the same name (itself an adaptation of the manga) — is a fast-paced, fantastical, and colourful new release. If what you loved about Our Flag was its playful relationship with real-life piracy and chronistic details, its flexibility with “reality” and its eagerness to play around with tropes and expectations, with its creation of found family through a ragtag and varied mix of individuals. What it isn’t, unfortunately, is textually or explicitly queer, let alone as unabashedly queer as Our Flag and Black Sails are respectively.

HMS Terror and HMS Erebus sailing through the surface ice in The Terror. Via IMDb.

If you’d rather have queer sailors at any cost than having ones that aren’t explicitly queer, there is, of course, season 1 of The Terror. Based off of Dan Simmons’ magical horror reimagining of the real events of the lost ships in the Arctic, the HMS Terror and HMS Erebus, the first season of this anthology horror series is itself a deeply anti-imperial story following the events of two British ships that become stranded on the ice whilst attempting to discover the North-West Passage, and in so doing poison themselves and the land and people around them. Stuck in place in a cold and unfamiliar environment that does not have sufficient resources to sustain them — and in any case, an environment and resources that as invaders of, they do not know how to live in relationship with — they are hunted by an Inuit spirit, a representation of and manifestation of the imbalance they’ve caused by their mere presence.

The Terror has a few more explicitly gay dynamics in the book than in the TV show, but the show does feature an unstable, cannibalistic bastard of a man whose favourite hobbies are identity theft, violence, and emotional manipulation — and he’s gay. Representation win!

As you might imagine from that description, The Terror is not a cheerful, happy show — it’s deeply violence and very at home with hopelessness, but has some fascinating exploration of British imperialism, whiteness, class dynamics, queer men on ships, and chilling horror.

And it’s not a TV show, but I would be remiss if I did not mention and recommend Taika Waititi’s favourite romance movie — Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003, dir. Peter Weir). Based off of Patrick O’Brien’s long-running Aubreyad, starting with Master and Commander, this film is about Captain Jack Aubrey and his duet partner and best friend (wink wink) Stephen Maturin, the ship’s surgeon. It’s a gorgeous film and while of course not explicit, it’s pretty fucking gay — although unlike the other pieces I’ve mentioned, as Napoleonic-era fanfiction about British navymen, it’s not nearly as critical of British imperialism as one might like, with the majority of the criticism coming from Maturin, and might leave a poor taste in the mouth compared to pieces more critical of the British imperial evil.

… more queer period dramas and historical shows!

Anne Lister (Suranne Jones) contemplating her hat and gloves. Via IMDb.

Let’s start with a historical drama — Gentleman Jack, starring Suranne Jones, is set in the early 1800s and is an biographical look at the life of the cryptic diarist and all around delightfully butch lesbian dirtbag, Anne Lister. Apart from the obviously intriguing concept, the show has some sumptuous costuming and set designs, and there are so many different characters and dynamics throughout. I’m always a sucker for an epistolary piece, and as it’s based off of Lister’s diaries, this show has a lot of epistle work throughout.

If you’re a sucker for lesbians in period dramas, though, you might just like Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries — the eponymous Phryne Fisher is not the lesbian in question. She’s a flapper and private detective in 1920s Melbourne, complete with a little golden gun, and is very hetero — but her best friend, a doctor named Mac (short Elizabeth MacMillan), is gay, and she’s so much fun. Where Phryne is really high-energy and excitable, constantly jumping from idea to idea, Mac is a lot chiller and more smooth, and she’s so suave and so much fun. Miss Fisher is a fun show — alas, a cop show, but it’s a lot more light-hearted, and it does a lot of playful stuff with the period and particularly with costuming details and things like cars, weapons, and various inventions.

Getting dressed and leaving the boytoy still abed. Via IMDb.

If you’re open to a miniseries that’s a lot dirtier and nastier than much of the above, have I got the recommendation for you: A Very English Scandal. Starring a relatively innocent and easily manipulated Ben Whishaw across from the deliciously greasy and depraved Hugh Grant, this is a dramatisation of the Thorpe Affair — a political scandal in the UK in the late 1970s — and it’s so fun and so sexy. If whilst watching Our Flag you’ve been giggling and kicking your feet whenever the more fucked up shit goes on in intimate ways, you will almost certainly delight in this one.

… more of… something. Surprise me!

You might have heard of NBC’s Hannibal, which is a gay take on the dynamic between Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham, but the same creator, Bryan Fuller, also did Pushing Daisies, which is a gorgeous 2-season show that was cancelled long before it ought have been. It explores intimacy at a necessary distance, and has some wonderful queer themes throughout, and stars Lee Pace.

The new TV adaptation of Anne Rice’s books, Interview with the Vampire, is glorious — it’s openly and unabashedly gay, it’s so full to the brim with depth, and unlike other shows I can mention, it really doesn’t try to shy away from the cruelty of abuses in intimate relationships, or try to shift the blame for abuse entirely onto the back of the victim in a last-minute attempt to foster more sympathy for the abuser. Interview goes so deep into the loneliness and isolation of being separated from society’s mores and expectations, of how that isolation leaves you at much more risk of leverage and abuse by intimate partners, of the brittleness of found family under heavy pressure, and alongside all of that, like…

It’s a vampire show! It’s sexy! It’s full of blood and horror and misery and grief — the grief of being alive when you should be dead, and at the same time, being halfway dead when you seem to be alive. It’s funny and it’s dark and it’s just full to the brim with poetry, has some honestly gorgeous dialogue, and on top of all that, it’s well-paced, beautifully costumed, and tremendously shot and scored. Watch!

Looking for queer movies, as well as TV shows? I have a big rec list of gay movies here:

#musings #our flag means death #i'm gonna write about how shit the ofmd finale was and what a pisstake it was in the week #but in the meantime here #have this #watch a better fuckin show #Youtube

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