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mynewfangledlife · 5 years

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We're all just a little bit broken, and a little more lost than found.

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

- Meatloaf - Paradise by the dashboard light.

2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

- I had a corgi mix girl named sandy.. my best bud.

3.) have you ever been drunk?

- a few times, yep.

4.) have you ever tried drugs?

- just weed.

5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

- every damn day of my life.

6.) have you ever made someone cry?

- yes.

7.) has someone ever made you cry?

- yes.

8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

- when I looked at her and knew I could never begrudge her, that I would love her no matter what came of us. She taught me love, and for that I will always be grateful.

9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

- does anyone actually care?

10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

- Transmasc Bisexual, so yeah.

11.) how many siblings do you have?

- Two, little buggers, loves em.

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

- ha.. yeah.

13.) are you a good cook?

- I can hold my own in the kitchen yeah.

14.) what is your favorite tv show?

- currently? I'm really enjoying Lucifer.

15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

- probably the notebook. I can't remember.

16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

- oh Jesus, a few. Most recently, you say by Lauren Daigle.

17.) do you have a middle name?

- I do.

18.) have you been out of your country?

- A few times, yes.

19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

- Depends on the chocolate, lately I've been obsessed with crunchie bars.

20.) how many people have you kissed?

- idk, like 10?

21.) what is your favorite album?

- I don't have one. Not off hand anyways.

22.) what is your dream car?

- 1965 Ford F250 with full bench and a lift kit.

23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

- 27.

24.) what is your favorite flower?

- The Primrose.

25.) books or movies, why?

- I love a good book, but I can follow a movie better.

26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

- Yes, twice. Never again.

27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

- Lol.. it's a fact of life. Shit happens.

28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

- Not that I'm aware of.

29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

- Thing? I don't really think I can stick it to one thing more than another.

30.) do you have neat handwriting?

- It's legible.

31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

- I guess you could say that. Yeah.

32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

- Not necessarily the one I have.

33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

- A bird.

34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

- Once in my life, yes.

35.) have you ever met someone famous?

- I have, a few actually.

36.) how many concerts have you been to?

- I dunno, half a dozen maybe?

37.) which concerts have you been to?

- Heldey, Rex Goudie, Sean Kingston, Karl Wolfe, And two summer fests with like 6 bands each.

38.) do you have a hidden talent?

- Define talent.. lol

39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

- Smoke.

40.) do you think money can buy love?

- I think it can buy you the illusion of love, but no, not the real deal.

41.) how old would you date?

- 5 above, 3 below.

42.) have you ever done something illegal?

- Yep. A few things.

43.) what is your biggest fear?

- Living a long life.

44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

- Not a fan of snakes, also not a fan of living.

45.) can you drive?

- Yes.

46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

- Spirits? Yes.. Bigfoot? No.

47.) do you believe in karma?

- The ten fold rule.

48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

- Loyalty.

49.) do looks matter?

- Yes.

50.) does size matter?

- Eh, preferences, but no, not requirement.

51.) who is the last person you forgave?

- Myself.

52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

- Hoofprints.

53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

- French, some German, and very little Gaelic.

54.) ever been on a plane?

- Yep.

55.) ever been on a boat?

- Yep.

56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

- Yep.

57.) are there any friendships you regret?

- Fuck yes.

58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

- Not that I haven't already made.

59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

- All the time.

60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

- Yes.

61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

- Yes.

62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

- Nope, love em.

63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

- 11.

64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

- Working.

65.) do you miss anyone right now?

- Meh, I miss who I thought they were.

66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

- My best friend.

67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

- The power to erase people's memories.

68.) who is your favorite superhero?

- Does deadpool count?

69.) are you dirty minded?

- Well isn't this coincidental... Not. Lol.

70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

-80s It's a toss up, the safety dance, or under pressure.

- 90s baby got back

- 2000s Like a bird

-2010 somebody that I used to know

71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

- 3.. or maybe 5.. I want a few.

72.) who is your biggest OTP?

- Wade and Vanessa.... Fuck them for killing her off.

73.) what is your favorite food?

- Idk.. pasta maybe?

74.) do you want to be married one day?

- Yeah, I mean, I'd like to. But that requires someone willingly wanting to spend the rest of their lives with me.. so like.. probably not.

75.) dogs or cats?

- Both, but I'm allergic to cats.

76.) do you drink enough water daily?

- Not even close.

77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

- Few times yes.

78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

- Do I get to stay there?

79.) how many best friends do you have?

- Just one, but I have a few solid friends.

80.) when was the last time you cried?

- Today.

81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

- All the time.

82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

- A few times that I'm aware of.

83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

- Machu Picchu.

84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

- Compassionate, Loving, Forgiving.

85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

- To a fault.

86.) what is your favorite season and why?

- Fall, not too warm, not too cold, pretty colors.

87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

- Yes.

88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

- Not really, no.

89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

- Yes.

90.) what are you allergic to?

- Cats and Penicillin.

91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

- Yes. Every damn day of my life.

92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

- I'd like to be Jason Momoa.. can someone make that happen please?

93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

- Fucking Ellen, she's a queen. Or maybe John Mulaney? He seems cool.

94.) are you outgoing?

- Ish.

95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

- I will regret it for a very long time, but yes.

96.) are you a good flirt?

- Ahahahah.. no.

97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

- Both, yes.

98.) which planet is your favorite?

- Mars.

99.) are you superstitious?

- To an extent.

100.) are you a good listener?

- I try to be.

101.) are you a good kisser

- I haven't had any complaints?

102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

- Mhmm.. one in particular, but yes.

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consequencesoflatecapitalism · 7 years

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part #1

Dear you -

staying together despite the hurricanes exceeded my expectations for a perfect summer.

---

I got on one knee at 11,23 pm, on a cloudless summer night, on a bare rooftop with a view of the city. With my back to the Basilica du Sacré-Coeur and the Eiffel Tower, leaving – as usual – the best view for her to enjoy. My previous attempts to pop the question in Montmartre and on the Pont de Bir-Hakeim had miserably failed. Knowing she’d call me crazy for proposing so soon – six months and fifty thousand miles into the relationship - I had equipped myself with a mont blanc, overfilled with whipped cream. “That’s not crazy… this is crazy!” - I shouted– as I smashed the pastry on my face - rising frantically from the depths of my helplessness. The mess had been made – I got up and kissed her to buy her some time.

---

We have had such different appreciations of the world before the universe (some call it God; others call it Michael) made our paths cross. My experience on Earth, or perhaps the nature of my soul, my karmic bonds, have put me in conflict with conformity for as long as I can remember. Pursuing consciousness and pure experience, and a burning need and desire to give and receive love have and have had me behave in ways that may look unconventional to most. I am aware that dealing with that alone requires patience.

---

Three days after she kind of accepted/kind of declined my proposal, she could not help but noting, in front of my parents, how her sister’s engagement ring carried a one karat stone. Hers carried a mere 0.34, and had cost me a mere fifth of my annual income.

---

Degio’s trip to Seattle, the newly-found unity in our wolf-pack following Iosefa’s accident, my liaison amoureuse with Seattle – in the highlight reel of last summer, she is more of a mythological character – a faux ami at best - than a beloved protagonist. Brittany pointed out how most of my anecdotes from the past two seasons end with – “and then I went home, and Kim and I fought until four am over the most senseless crap.”

---

Blah, blah, blah – amore mio, there is a degree of irrationality that is always going to guide my every action and my every breath. That is where my lucky breaks and my blessings have always come from. Being in the place where I am right now, just as scared as you are and – despite the madness - addicted to the sound you make before you smile, has proved my instinct right.

---

She loved fart jokes. We bonded over fart jokes. She bonded with her forty-seven-year-old, Gabibbo-looking boss over fart jokes. He’s everything I am not. Wealthy, neo-liberal, overweight, bold, dominant. He fought in Operation Desert Storm, I am appalled by the military complex. She loved boats. We’d go on dates to Alki Beach, just to get on the water taxi to West Seattle. Towards the end of summer, she became a regular at the Gabibbo’s boat parties. I hate baseball, but I’d happily go to Mariners games to make her happy. He’d buy her $500 Diamond Club tickets and promise her to introduce her to her favorite players.

In early September, as I was cleaning our room, I found a card shaped like a beach ball with a miserable attempt at profoundness inside “I like beach balls b/c they remind me of perspective. People see the same ball yet different colors at the same time.” I took a picture of it, sighed, and shook my head.

She was not scared, she was mindless.

---

I left roses on her windshield later in the afternoon.

---

This relationship for me is a constant choice of being with you as it is yours of being with me, but also of being where you are. Imagine me, trying to extend my every tissue trying to reach Seattle, Torino and New York at the same time. Constantly missing not only the people in each of the places but also the parts of me that are not where I physically am at that moment.

---

The more flaws I found in her, the more I wanted to give her all my life - she needed it more than I did.

---

Facebook Status:

“can’t remember a time when i didn’t have plans to leave - not to say i always craved having/making plans to leave. yet, now

any time i leave any where i wish i didn't have to leave ever again resorting to hyperbolic juvenile poetics - eerie reminders that without you i'm just me”

---

Of all the times I have left home, leaving Seattle at the end of that summer must have been the hardest. I genuinely did not know that I could love someone as much as I loved her, and need someone’s presence in my life as much as I needed hers.

---

Flight DL244, SEA to JFK. Does wishing for the plane to crash make me suicidal? A terrorist? Both?

---

She loved fart jokes, I used to sign my letters to her “Fartfully yours.”

---

It’s in those moments that my love informs my every gesture and my every vision – seeing you wear a white dress, dancing merrily on a cliff looking down on the lagoon in Santorini, or fantasizing about chasing you, playfully yet with my heart pounding in my throat, in crowded streets, squares and alleys of Quito. Yet, of all the places where I could desire you, of all the exotic and remote corners of the universe, home is the one I constantly look forward most, where I envision cherishing you most. Nothing cast me as the king of the world as walking to Safeway to get you coffee on a Saturday morning. That is what being with you has been since day one - turning the ordinary into the extra-ordinary, which feeling at home is for me.

---

Early in the summer, as we were driving home from LA Fitness via 15th Avenue W, I told her I had never been happier in my life.

---

A healthy adult male can release between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation. I can’t help but think of the patterns of Gabibbo’s loads on the Victoria’s Secrets floral nightgown I bought her last summer.

---

“I know it’s not an excuse, but I was really unhappy.” Then why are you using it as one?

---

One of the most triggering locations is the Baskin Robbins on Elliott Avenue - my memories there are from a night she was with him on his boat. I was with Lydia at Micheal's. Iosefa wasn't home. Lydia had picked me up from the King Street train station - I had been spending some time in Maple Valley with my host family early in the week. On our way to Michael’s apartment in Magnolia we made a quick pit stop at home and headed to Whole Foods. We got bacon and eggs, I got coconut milk yogurt, she paid for it. At Michael’s, I cooked some carbonara pasta, I rolled a joint with the weed we bought at the little shop in Queen Anne and we smoked it on the balcony overlooking the Interbay Golf Course and Smith Cove. The three of us messed around a bit and eventually watched a silly noir film with Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe.

On the way home, Lydia and I stopped at Baskin Robbins. She got bubble gum ice cream and I cannot recall the other flavor - I wanted her to try coconut walnut caramel. Kim came home late, with beautiful frizzy hair and a guilty stare, she gave me a quick goodnight kiss in the hall then jumped in the shower. She said she had fun, she reassured me there were other people on the boat - older coworkers from the IT department. It was a beautiful night. Such a beautiful night. We fell asleep on our sides - a few micrometers and a million intentions apart. I am not sure I remember the ice-cream flavors correctly.

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