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#i am still actively trying i just Hate all of them now cuz it's been so long lmaooo
andypantsx3 · 2 months
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Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!
So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.
How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene
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Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...
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WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!
I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.
Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)
I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>
(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )
Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.
I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.
I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.
I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.
And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL
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burnt-coffeepot · 5 months
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i've decided that it doesnt matter if i fear i might be transgender just cuz of x
i fear i might be trans just cuz i feel uncomfortable with people treating me as nothing more than a sexy doll, just cuz i feel uncomfortable when people see me and they immediately think about sex.
i am uncomfortable with the thought of female sexual roles being associeted to me in other people's mind, and i want to control this as much as possible.
i am still really uncomfortable with the thought of sex and i dont let myself enjoy my sexual life cuz the shame and the uncomfortableness is just too big.
my friends still are shocked when it comes up and they discover i've been active, i've been the dominant part all the times. cuz they see me and then think about me as a sex doll and i hate it cuz it's not their fault and it's just the way society is built but it's not my fault either and i dont want to be associated with sex in this way.
im not a top, i am a switch, i probably would enjoy partaking in sexual acts in other positions of control, but i dont feel comfortable with what derives from it.
i fear im gonna be treated as a class B citizien Even More.
but being a guy, no one would care. being a guy my personhood would not be diminished because everyone assumes im dominant, so who cares. I feel helpless, and it doesn't help that the people around me comment on my body, on my boobs and my ass all the time to say how fuckable i am.
it all comes down to this, being born a female:
how fuckable i am in the eyes of others.
BUT THERE IS MORE TO WOMANHOOD THAN THIS and i love women and i dont think about sex when i see a pretty woman, even when she's dressed in a way that may lead most to think immediately about sex, i just see a fucking person.
so i dont understand why (in my mind) this applies Only To Me.
only I am perceived the wrong way.
that's why i feel i'd be more comfortable being a boy. and i've been a boy for a while now and I Am much more comfortable, really. But not everyone knows I'm a boy cuz im still stuck dressing in a way that communicates "womanhood" to the people around me.
I am not allowed happyness cuz it doesn't matter how much i try, everything everyone sees when they look at me is a fucking fleshlight that walks.
i feel like i am being denied personhood.
to think about my gender as something totally unrelated to sex for the past years has been so freeing
i have been experimenting: my gender is gaming, my gender is neon colors, my gender is black holes and nebulas, my gender is space pirates, my gender is gayboyfag, my gender is flapping my hands when im excited, my gender is glitter, my gender is an artwork made in paint ms.
this has been a liberating experience
but it's not enough yet
i need to start wearing clothes that match this idea that i have of me in my mind. i would love to be a lesbian too, if it weren't that i am bisexual BUT I STILL WOULD LIKE TO BE A LESBIAN
Like, I Mean if i lived 20 or 30 years ago, i would be rolling with the butches and the femmes, i would have found community with them, i would have started a riot grrrl band.
but i started "pretending" to be a boy on the internet when i was age 13/14, and i dont think that the liberation that i find in being perceived and treated as a boy (or boy adiacent genders) is gonna go away soon
so yeah, i think im transgender, im not an imposter, i really am.
why? cuz thinking about myself as a boy has only made me happier since i've started, and it has helped me get on the path to liberate myself from social pressure about sexuality and behaviour/manners.
if thinking about yourself as X gender makes you happier, EVEN IF YOU DIDNT THINK OF YOURSELF AS X GENDER ALL YOUR LIFE, then by all means i think you should be able to say you are X gender.
Chase happiness
Create Your Self
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decepti-thots · 1 year
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I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;
I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.
There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.
People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:
Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)
Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.
In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.
Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.
Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.
There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.
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Mental health ramblings and a literal vomit rant
Thanks for the amazing messages of support recently. I read them all and take them to heart, and do a LOT of beating myself up for not always responding. Thanks for being understanding about that. In my support circle, there's is a secret 4th "person" that I have been saved by many times, but actively try not to rely on because that would be bad for many reasons. That secret 4th person is The Positive Interactions I Get On Tumblr.
Hm... Pounded By the Positive Interactions I Get On Tumblr sounds like a GREAT new title for @drchucktingle.
Anyway on to the title of the blog.
Am I sick, or am I depressed?
Like, vomiting feels near. Headache, check, full-body "medicated" feeling, check, hot and cold flashes, check, possible fever sweats or maybe just normal sweats cuz weather's bein' real frickin weird in the Land of Oz in March, check.
Circumstantial evidence suggests stomach flu is likely - it hit The Father, The Kiddo, and a huge percentage of my city's population *crosses self*.
Is it both? After several weeks of my version of pushing myself, this may be the natural low dip.
Is it my period? Probably that, too. The ol' endo pain has been tickling (that's not the right word but it's poetically speaking not the wrong word) at my sides, *checks* yup, boobs are sore. And last month's pimples are nearly healed indicating just about enough time has passed before I can expect new ones (I have a gyno appt on Friday next week - believe me, I am finally asking about getting The Scoop or whatever needs to be done to make this STOP).
Or, is it this weird 4th/5th thing where I'm a bad person and making this happen somehow with my attitude and tendency to "overstate things" (oooh, ouch, I'm still hung up on that). And codependency. Can't hurt to throw that in there (last sobriety meeting covered codependency And It Stirred Things).
Mainly I just wanna know if I'm gonna start projectile vomiting, and since I can't know until it's happening, I'm needlessly documenting this despite the increasing headache, AS WELL AS PREPARING UTTERLY.
Now for my very weird take on vomiting. Here's your chance to opt out of me non-graphically (imo) explaining my personal history with vomiting, vomiting technique, and vomiting etiquette. I do not have a purging eating disorder (no no, just the binge for me, I'm already near my disorder limit for my lifetime). You might be sensitive to/bothered by the following if you do deal with eating disorders.
For my kinksters, this is not about emotophilia. However, feel free to get off on this in the event that that is your thing. I don't love it, but I fully support YOU loving it. (Oh gawd I've turned into that Cringe Kink Parent... Hooray!)
The observant reader can very much tell I am an alcoholic( 172 or 3 days sober, 4 years into recovery journey).
I've long said of myself, even though it's a very weird thing to say facetiously though it's meant, "Self," I says, "if I'm ever being tortured for information (ha!), all they'd need to do is make me nauseous."
I can handle most anything else they could think of, but I'd break under nausea in an instant. I hate, I hate, I HATE nausea. No one loves it lets be real (wait, let me Google that... well, that's just gonna have to be for another day, and possibly a different search engine), but I do think I may have an irrational intolerance for it. I damn near panic. If I can't know for a fact that I can't hydrate, Pepto, or THC my way out of it, my finger is going DOWN DOWN DOWN my throat until enough momentum is going for a full sesh. And if I stop prematurely, that finger is going BACK down.
Additionally, vomiting is messy. Rarely is that the only "evacuating" you're doing at the same time (at least when you're me). And I hate nothing more than cleaning up puke or other fluids. So if I am lucky enough to have some forewarning, you will find me ON a toilet, with a nice, clean bucket or trashcan to puke into (just don't come looking for me, please, why would you do that).
There will be a cup/bottle of water there already, and I will have hydrated enough to make this a smooth operation. There will be a washcloth/towel. Once I even managed to have the space heater in the bathroom waiting for me, because I get really fucking cold AFTER puking. The fan will be on hand somewhere close by to point at me when I get hot before and DURING the vomiting.
I cannot parse the reasons why, but I'm still flattered by the compliment from my last ex - "Wow, you know how to puke like a professional." So many red flags lololol.
So anyway that's the end of my Puke Ted Talk. I'm gonna try and sleep and we'll see if I wake up at the witching hour to puke. Because it's always the witching hour. Have YOU ever woken up to puke at 2 am or 4 am? No. It's always 3.
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preggomancer · 2 years
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There had been many times in the last few months when Alan had considered murdering his former roommate, and this was definitely one of them. 
After Dave had managed to get himself knocked up in perhaps the stupidest way possible by performing a spell to birth a series of ancient heroes anew on a dare, Alan had felt a sort of responsibility toward him. Alan and his girlfriend had both gone through magical pregnancies of their own, and Dave… wasn’t exactly the kind of guy to take great care throughout the process. 
As it turned out, though, trying to teach Dave about pregnancy was sort of like trying to give cooking lessons to a microwave. Apparently Dave’s baby was under some protective enchantment, so it wasn’t in any danger from Dave’s rampant bad life decisions, and he wouldn’t even be keeping the kids—there was an entire ancient order that had prophesied their return and would raise them for their divine purpose. All of which Dave took as great reasons to disregard all pregnancy advice and drive Alan completely crazy in the process. 
Unfortunately for Alan, he did still care about his friend, which is how Dave had ended up here, camping out at Alan’s apartment while he waited for the baby to come.
Dave had spent most of the last nine months shockingly active, in total disregard of the baby growing inside him, but Alan had outright refused to let him spend the last couple weeks before delivery in his wild party house. Alan liked to think he wouldn’t mind babysitting his pregnant friend so much if Alan hadn’t also had an eight-month-old of his own and two more on the way, rounding out his own belly at seven months enough to already outmatch Dave’s full-term bump, and if Dave’s little impregnation stint hadn’t landed his due date smack dab in the middle of finals week. 
Alan was good at multitasking, but right now, this was pushing his limits. He was trying to finish a twenty page paper, keep his baby entertained, all while Dave was apparently on a personal mission to drive him to distraction. 
Dave was on the couch, propped up on pillows, using his protruding belly as a table for his laptop, complaining nonstop about the math final he was supposed to be studying for. Alan tried his utmost to just ignore him, but once he heard Dave mutter “fuckin Greg, more like gre… gre.. more like… peg, cuz he’s such a stiff fuckin loser,” he put his head in his hands. 
“Dave. I am trying. To focus.”
“Oh right, sorry bro,” Dave said, very sincerely, and then continued to mutter to himself loudly. 
Alan turned around in his chair, which was no small feat with a belly that size to maneuver, and glared at his guest. “What has gotten into you?”
“Uh, a baby?”
“You’re not usually this annoying!”
“Thanks!” Dave rubbed his taut belly. “Sorry, man, I kinda have a stomach ache…”
Alan paused. “Wait, are you having contractions?”
“Uhhhhhh no.”
“You hesitated.”
“Nah, bro.” Dave waved his hand. “I just ate some weird wings or something. It’s been happening like all day.”
“Okay, are you sure, because early labor feels a lot like regular stomach cramps—“
“Alannnnn my maaaann I’m fiiiiine!” Dave rolled his eyes, giving Alan the look of an irritated teenager. “But, uh. Could you help me up? I gotta whizz again.” 
Hours passed, and Alan continued to tap away at his essay, all while Dave was getting antsier and antsier on the couch. 
“Hey, uh, Alan,” he called. 
“What.”
“Do you have any anti-tummy ache shit maybe?”
“Dave, are you sure this isn’t—“
“Yes! I ate week-old hot wings, okay?”
“Why. Why would you have done that.”
“I’m living la vida loca!” 
“God, I hate you.” 
Alan managed to find some Tylenol, trying to conjure up some sympathy despite how worn-out he felt dragging around his own massive belly, his swollen chest aching and back screaming with the weight of his front. Night was falling, and after he got his son to sleep he returned to find a very uncomfortable looking Dave. 
“You feeling any better?”
“Yeah so no actually—“ Dave cut off with a grimace. “…I would say worse is actually the one. Yeah.”
Alan sighed. “Okay, why don’t you go lie down in the other room for a bit?” Dave nodded stiffly, and Alan finished, “And if you don’t feel better soon, we are calling the hospital, okay?”
“You mean the ancient order dudes,” Dave corrected. “Cuz they have the magic shit. They said normal medicine won’t work for the pain or whatever.”
“See, that is the kind of information that would have been helpful to know weeks ago—“ Alan stopped himself and took a breath. “Okay. Let’s get you comfortable.”
Once he left Dave, Alan returned to his chair and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Reveling in the quiet, he dove into his essay headfirst, only to be broken out of his trance when by his son’s cries on the baby monitor. When he got back from rocking little Benny back to sleep, he finally glanced at the clock and realized just how many hours had passed. 
A feeling of dread crept up in Alan’s stomach. He glanced at his bedroom door, where he’d left Dave. 
“Please just be asleep, please just be asleep,” he muttered to himself, and peeked into the room. There, Dave was lying on his side, limbs curled around his heavy belly. Alan paused for a second, almost smiling at how sweet he looked. Until he heard a low, quiet moan come from the bed. 
Ah, fuck. 
Alan rushed over to the bedside. “Dave!” he hissed, only to be met with another moan. Alan’s eyes widened as he realized he could see the contraction passing over Dave’s belly, the muscles of his torso contracting violently around his womb. 
He shook Dave’s shoulder as the contraction passed. “Dave! Why didn’t you say something!!!”
“Oh, hey, Alan…” Dave’s voice sounded weak. “Hey, uh,  I think I might be in labo–hrk.” Dave convulsed again, breathing in sharply. 
“Please tell me you called the wizard guys at least.” This was bad. If Dave couldn’t get out a full sentence between contractions, that was not a good sign.
Once Dave could catch his breath, he squinted. “Oh shit. Right. Forgot. Ow.”
“Fucking hell, Dave. How far away are they?”
“Uh ow ow ow fuck ow, uh, um, like, threeeee hours?” He gulped a breath of air, wincing. 
“I’m going to kill you someday, you know that?”
“Can it be now?” Dave replied weakly.
“Okay. Shit. Um. Can you take your pants off?”
Dave gave him the look of someone who was incredibly confused about the truck he was being hit by. “...Why?”
“I need to see how far along you are, okay?” 
Dave nodded, then groaned as another contraction hit. Alan waited through it, then tried to disrobe his friend as casually as possible. He was glad Dave was at least distracted. Then his eyes widened. 
“Jesus christ,” he whispered. Dave looked like he was almost fully dilated. Alan thought hard. There was a very, very good chance Dave wouldn’t last until the order showed up. He had no doctor, no midwife, nothing. The nearest hospital was far enough away it would risk the baby coming in transit–or, best case scenario, Dave would have to give birth alone, in a cold, strange place, surrounded by strangers, with zero pain management options. Not a great option for anyone, and definitely not for a young trans guy. 
“Okay.” Alan put a hand on Dave’s shoulder. “Dave. Listen. I had a home birth, I was there when my girlfriend had her daughter. I’m gonna help you do this, because you’re gonna do it here.”
Dave’s eyes widened. “Huh? No nononono, I don’t wanna do that–”
“Then you shouldn’t have–okay. Never mind. I’m gonna grab some supplies.”
Alan quickly shuffled through his apartment, tossing things aside as he tried to remember everything on his own home birth checklist. Ask he tore through his linens cabinet, a cry came from the other room. 
“ALAN! ALAN SOMETHING IS WRONG ALAN ALAAAAAAN—”
Alan stumbled into the room, dropping his supplies and scrambling over to find Dave had pushed himself into a semi-seated position, and had a horrified look on his face. 
“What?? What’s—” Alan took a look, and stopped. “Oh. It’s okay, Dave, your water just broke. That’s supposed to happen!”
“WHAT.”
“Man, there go my sheets…” Alan looked mournfully at his bed. There was no saving that bedspread now. 
Alan dunked a washcloth in a small bucket of water he’d brought and wiped it across his friend’s brow. “Hey, come on, let it out, Dave! You’re keeping it all in.”
“A-FUCK OW—hhhhh-actually I think it’s coming out against my will??”
“No, I mean, you can scream and shit.”
“Oh.” Dave blinked, and then started screaming his head off. 
Oh dear god please nobody call the police on us, Alan prayed to no one in particular. He stayed close to Dave, trying to get him to breathe, stop thrashing around like a maniac, and stay calm, mostly to no avail. 
“Listen, Dave, listen to me,” Alan said, catching Dave in a brief moment between contractions when he stopped yelling long enough to hear anything, “this is called transition, and this is the hardest part, right? So after it you’re going to—“
He was cut off while Dave started screaming again. He waited a minute. The scream ended. 
“Okay so you’re going to start feeling the urge to push soon, and that means transition is over. So right now it’s just about—“ (scream, thrash) “—about getting through the pain, so just try to focus on your breathi—“
Dave’s back arched, and he let out a howl of agony so intense it felt downright cinematic. Dave turned to Alan. “BRO. WHY DOES THIS SUCK SO MUCH.”
“Well, um, when we evolved as apes to stand upright we sort of sacrificed a pelvic structure wide enough to accommodate a reasonable birth canal, so—“
Dave panted. “That fucking SUCKS, FUCK monkeys all my homies hate monkeys let’s go back to being wolves or whatever the fuck—oh Jesus fucking christ—“
Alan’s eyebrows raised as Dave made the most strangled expression he’d ever seen on a human being. “Um, Dave, you okay there?”
Dave responded with a sound sort of like “HHNNNRRRRGGGGKkHH.” 
“Hey, talk to me, what’s—“
“HOW DO I NOT PUSH??”
“Wh—” Alan’s eyes widened. “No, DO push! Pushing is good!”
“OH. HOW DO I PUSH??”
“Uh. You just.” Alan thought for a moment. “Huh, that’s interesting, I actually don’t know how to describe it! I just sort of did it on instinct, now that I think about it. Hm, how to explain it… well, it’s sort of li—“
“HNNNNNNNERGGGGGGGGGH.”
“Yeah, like that.”
Dave’s chest heaved, his forehead glistening with sweat. “Is-is it stuck or something??” He looked desperately at Alan. “Do you have to pull it out??”
“Boy, I sure hope not.” Alan started helping Dave into a squat. “It’s gonna take more than one push, man.”
“Wh-how many? Three??”
“Um, well, the pushing phase lasted about four hours for me, though that was on the longer side…”
Dave’s eyes widened in horror. 
“But it’s okay!! It’s, uh, it’s not that bad!”
“I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING STABBED WITH NINETEEN KNIVES.”
“Okay yeah it is that bad.” 
Quickly arranging the towels he’d managed to grab from his closet, Alan guided Dave into a reasonable position, legs spread beneath him. Alan slowly lowered himself down to kneel in front, offering his shoulders as a support. Dave continued to rotate between his sort of grunt-moan-yelling as he pushed with all his might and the brief pauses of respite between contractions in which he mostly looked… kind of bewildered. 
“You’re doing great,” Alan said softly while Dave caught his breath. “Just keep breathing, try to relax while you push…”
“Is this—is this-“ Dave took a huge gulping breath. “Is this like, normal??”
“Well, every birth is unique!”
“But the-the stabbiness? And the wanting to chew your skin off thing?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s, that’s kind of standard. Unless you have an epidural, I guess. Uh, I don’t know about the skin part though?”
“Yeah man I’m really not a fan of having skin currently I’m kinda fixating on i—“ Dave cut off as another contraction crashed into him, and he pushed with all his might. Then, Alan gasped.
“The baby’s crowning! Come on, just a little more!”
Dave looked down and screamed. 
“Oh Jesus, please tell me you at least knew that’s where the baby comes out of—“
“YES I KNEW THAT BUT OH MY GOD THERES A BABY THERE??”
“Yes, please stop thrashing around, that’s the baby—”
“NOO NONONO I DO NOT LIKE THAT.” 
Dave’s look of terror turned quickly into pain as he let out a strangled sound and gave into pushing. 
“Oh boy, um, Dave, maybe don’t look down.”
Dave’s eyes opened as he panted and immediately looked down. He let out an even higher pitched shriek. 
“AAAAAAAAAA???”
“This—Listen, it doesn’t come out all at once-“
Dave continued shrieking. Now, personally, Alan had been too relieved and excited to feel much else when he’d been at this step. But he was starting to see how having a baby’s head sticking out of you could be… a little disturbing.
“AAAAAAA GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT”
“Then push!”
“OKAY.” Dave made a noise, his breaths coming hard and fast. Then he dug his fingers hard into Alan’s soft shoulders and pushed with all his might, yelling from the strain even as Alan yelled back in excitement, reaching forward, cloth ready. 
Dave opened his eyes to see Alan hold up a crying baby. He blinked, staring at the tiny screaming infant, and collapsed immediately. 
When Dave came to, he was tucked neatly into Alan’s bed, the fresh smell of clean sheets surrounding him. He turned to see Alan sitting next to him, feeding the teeny baby from his breast. 
“Heheh,” Dave mumbled weakly, “titty…”
“Dave! You did it!” Alan grinned. 
“Wooooo.” Dave pumped his fist about one millimeter in the air. “I am a bad bitch.”
“Members of the order should be here in fifteen minutes.” Wiping the baby's mouth, Alan held her out toward Dave. "Do you want to hold her?”
Dave squinted at Alan, looking over the wrinkly little thing in his arms. It was strange to think, but even as Dave’s belly deflated, he knew he wasn’t done yet. His ritual still bound him in its terms, and even now the next baby would be forming its first cells inside his worn-out womb. It would remain full of life until all four children were born, one after another. 
“Nah,” he answered. “I don’t really like babies.” 
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goodieghosty · 1 year
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Reading about the pool again and how Logan shows Janus and Remus especially nice alternate timelines to cheer them up. Has Janus ever asked him about a timeline where he and Virgil ever dated. Even if just for a little while? Cuz I'm now obsessed with onesided god anciet angst.
(I give you this long goofy drabble)
"Oh come now, Logan." Janus sighs, "You already know how this is going to end, so may as well get it over with and show me already. I don't have anywhere else I need to be for a good millennia or so."
Logan-God of Knowledge, Seer of All, Keeper of the Pool of Pathways-stands there with a mug of black coffee in hand. He knew he would need it. "Janus." He starts, but he also knows that what this scaled god says is true. "... very well."
Unfortunately.
This was better than the other outcome, he tells himself. Better than leaving Janus to sate his curiosity and getting distracted by the location of a divine weapon. That Janus was never himself after. Stuck in a never ending loop wherein he can't tell what's real or not. Poor man.
"... you mean it?" Janus sits up straight, eager. Like a child on Christmas.
"I wouldn't have said so otherwise. You will not tell the others what you see. Especially not Him." That isn't a threat. Or a condition. That's simply a fact. Logan knows it.
The pool is warm, welcoming. A light swirls around Janus once he steps in.
"I've set the path. All you need to do is let yourself float. And do remember, nothing is actually happening. You cannot change or do things a certain way. Also," he pauses, his third eye rolling in disgust. "I've already seen to it that you will not be experiencing any 'special activities' during this."
"Did you have to start doing that because of Remus?" He mused.
The silence was answer enough.
He's surprised to be reliving their first meeting. It's just as terrifying and exciting as the first.
"This was the start. In this path you did something he thought was... charming." Logan clearly didn't think so.
Before he could wonder what that could have been, Virgil growled. That same, deep, thundering sound that he knew so well. And what did this Janus do? He stood tall. Firm. Puffed out his chest-and he copied it.
Well.
To the best of his abilities anyhow.
"That's... embarrassing."
"Not to Virgil. Mind you he was still a tad feral at this point. But this is what started it."
"You can't be serious. Something so little?"
"Well, it did help that you had just gotten done with a war and reeked of blood and fear. Moving on."
There's a flurry of images now. Small, brief glimpses of tender moments. But things felt... wrong? Off. Somehow. He was sure that if he had lived these moments they would have felt nice. But there was something... weird.
"Wait-no, I don't remember this war." Janus looks up, confusion on his face. Logan is grim.
"That is because This Janus started it. To feed Virgil. It was... something done out of love, but without thought of the consequences. Or the people it would effect."
"To feed... but-Virgil would have never allowed that! He hates senseless war! Why-"
"Because he was always so Hungry. And you were sure he would waste away if he didn't have anything. And then... so much fear, all at once. He became gluttonous. You thought you were helping. But you only made him worse."
"Why... why didn't anyone try to stop me?"
"They did. But by then it was too late. Virgil was already teetering on an edge from the moment he came into being. Anything could have tipped the scales. In that path he became... something foul. He made all the rumors of himself true. All of them." Logan rubs his face. "That Virgil launched a war on the rest of the gods who didn't immediately side with him. All he wanted was fear. More fear. Humans were mere cattle to him. And you were just the hand that fed him."
"I am... sorry this wasn't what you thought it'd be. Not all of the paths are good. But I had to show you that one first, otherwise you would have done something really... bad."
"Oh... would it be troublesome to ask to see one of the good paths? If I promise not to do anything wild, I mean."
Logan pauses a moment, thinking it over, but then he nods.
He shows Janus a festival. One he chose not to attend. Here, he sees Virgil in his old armor, leaning against a pillar as he watches the people celebrating.
And then he sees himself, disguised as always, approaching him. He tries to trick Virgil, no doubt, but of course he doesn't fall for it. He can tell that he's only playing along. But his heart still skips in time to this Janus' when Virgil takes his hand to his lips. And only then does this Janus reveal himself by dropping the facade. Virgil's laughter is infectious. But Janus is sore about being found out, and feeling cheeky.
"If you had wanted to kiss me I would have preferred elsewhere." Is what he says, right before stealing himself a kiss, and then immediately rushing off into the crowd of people before he can find the consequences of his actions.
This would have been a good bit before Virgil met Orpheus, he wagers. He still has both arms. Which he uses to grab Janus when he's found hiding in an orchard. The two share another kiss.
There's a mighty big skip there, Logan appearing very flustered indeed. This makes Janus laugh.
"Ah, well. You, Virgil, and Orpheus later become what the kids call a 'throuple'. It's incredibly awkward for Ajax when he discovered that. And admittedly Orpheus did get a little ego boost when he found he had not one, but two gods falling for him. You have a child together. In this path. Very adorable. Raven hair and golden eyes. A little older than Remy. She would have became a goddess of War and Strategy. You call her-Janus." Logan stops in his rambling, watching as the god leaves the pool. And once he does Logan is once again able to use his powers to see what his intentions are. "Janus don't you think it's a little rude to ask your friends to-"
"Spring is near and you just filled my head with images of a little baby girl, whatever I do now is on you. And you know it."
"...." he sighed, "Ah, baby fever."
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anony-mouse-writer · 1 month
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“How are you doing?”
- cost of livings increasing
- everyone i know is miserable at their jobs, spanning at least 4 broad range fields (ie, retail/food service of any kind, engineering, and ‘works at computers in a capacity beyond microsoft word/excel’) largely due to managerial or company based incompetence or greed
- planets on fire and it looks like the ppl who have the power to change that dont want to cuz theyre greedy bitches
- theres like three social media platforms that arent teeny tiny and theyre all shit and actively getting worse in ways that are profoundly effecting and blindingly stupid
- multiple fights in the past half decade trying to convince people that my job is not something a computer should have
- the same people who tell me that my work is very good and i should monetize it (i am thanks) think that computer work is either just a fad that will pass soon or the just something i should accept and do not see how these conflicting messages might be frustrating
- theres a globally televised genocide happening and like half the ppl who are supposed to stop that are funding it
- KOSA and other internet censorship laws continue to get closer to passing
- “woke” is increasingly synonymous with “anyone who has basic human decency” according to several major governmentally active political parties
- casual and “just common sense” transphobia is now at an all time high as terfs are told that outright killing trans kids is frowned upon and they should try bullying instead
- food prices are so high but i have to eat
- increased social pressure to shun anyone who isn’t spending all their energy being loudly upset at the above issues and/or dying due to the above issues
- companies have more rights than we do and the government would save them first in a crisis. this is “normal” and “fine” and giving a fuck about it is also “woke liberal shit”
- our best hope for a new shitty fire hazard apartment building going up is that the rich bitches everyone hates for building their houses in ‘thats gonna fall down dumbass’’ zones decide to fight for their ‘view’
- pandemics still happening. they dont even stock masks at stores consistently anymore
- my landlord still hasnt responded to our request to fix the flickering kitchen light we have been told we are Not Allowed to try fixing ourselves
- kids are increasingly fucked over by a system that was already failing and is now failing worse due to covid-related fuck ups
- school districts are pushing to graduate kids on time despite the Actual Fucking Plague these kids had to live thru
- speaking of, kids are apparently largely not taught basic computer literacy because they can just teach apps instead
- or any kind of internet safety oh my god. i have had to personally teach every child ive met for the past two years under the age of 15 to not to tell strangers online their full government legal names. i was on roblox for 30 seconds and watched two separate children half dox themselves
- its february and i kinda miss the sun
“I’m doin’, thanks! Hope spring comes sooner than later tho haha.”
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transfemlogan · 2 months
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16?
- 🌧️
i have already answered 16 for the positive one here . & i have been asked 2 answer it 2 more times after NSHSJDNDH so instead. i will answer 16 on the negative one & if i can think of another small detail in canon ill talk abt it. it's just hard 2 know whats a "small detail" & whats not
negative fandom ask game
you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
i can't understand why everyone loves soulmate AUs.
that's a lie and exaggeration, i do get it to some extent. i understand that it's because the concept of having a "one true love" that will love you forever and ever is appealing & comforting 2 a lot of people. i respect & understand that.
but i fucking hate soulmate AUs.
for background: i am a relationship anarchist & a nonamorous romance + sex repulsed aroaceapl. i do not date, i do not have sex, i find romance & sex repulsive, i do not have queerplatonic relationships, i don't feel platonic attraction most of the time, i'm touch repulsed, i want to live alone; the idea of "dying alone" & "being alone forever" is the most appealing thought ever. & it's how i want my future to be.
SO. i find soulmate AUs to be the most horrifying & terrifying thing on the planet DNEHRKFNFJ
ignoring the fact that all soulmate aus are aphobic & actively ignore aspecs, the ones that do attempt to include aspecs tend to still exclude people.
"well you don't have to have a romantic soulmate! you can have a platonic one!" what about aplatonic folk? what about people who don't want to have friends?
& then its "well not everyone gets a soulmate!" what about aspex who DO want a soulmate? like genuinely what does that mean? how can you take in account every single unique sexuality & experience. i understa d that obvs soulmate aus r not trying 2 do thst but like. how does that work.
& you never ever see a soulmate au that takes in account aromantic allosexuals, because obviously having sex w/o feelings attached to it is evil & wrong. (HEAVY SARCASM!)
i do not want the universe/government/etc to pick who I get into a relationship with? who's the universe or the government or whoever tell ME who i can & can't date???
i think relationships need to be built and made and formed. I understand it's like "oh, but you have someone who is destined to love you forever", but it's like... i'd rather have someone who chooses to love me. not is forced to. someone who is willing to build a relationship with me & is choosing to love me.
i have wanted to write a soulmate au where a side (probably logan) actively ignores their soulmate & goes against the rules but i havent done it yet & i probably wont.
IDK I KNOW THIS IS ALL JUST SILLY BUT LIKE. HOW DO YOU GUYS FIND THAT ... APPEALING??? THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING. if there was someone out there destined for me??? That i HAD to get into a relationship with whether i liked it or not???? whether it was my choice??? like ABSOLUTELY NOT. i don't want to be forced into a relationship just cuz the universe told me i should be. & i dont want to be forced into loving someone just because someone else told me I should be. that i had to love them because they loved me back!!! like this sounds like an abusive manipulative horror story waiting 2 be told (<- which now i def want to see. someone get on that. write a soulmate au where the persons soulmate uses it as an excuse to abuse & manipulate them & guilt trip them that'd be cool)
AND THEN SOMETIMES SOULMATE AUS HAVE THE MOST TERRIFYING SYMPTOMS EVER??? i saw one where you are constantly hearing your soulmates thoughrs. thats fucking terrifying. to never have a moment alone? to never have fucking privacy?? in ur own head? i saw a fic, which like no hate 2 the author it was beautifully written just so terrifying to me, where janus shares his thoughts w/ logan constantly & tells logan 2 "shut up so he can get work done" or whatever. LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHERE AM I.
maybe its just cuz i was abused as a child & have been in an abusive relationship & im traumatisdd & its affected my way of living & entire life, but all i can hear when i see soulmate aus is how genuinely terrifying it would be if you were in an abusive relationship w/ a soulmate.
imagine have your thoughts always be read by your abuser. that no matter what happens, your abuser will always hear what you're thinking. you can't think of ways to escape or even begin to examine your relationship, because youe abuser will always be able to punch that down. & even if somehow you do escape, you will never bs free of them. thats fucking terrifying. & also a great metaphor for experiencing an abusive relationship & having ptsd after it can someone write that too. someone get on that.
if i shared my thoughts w/ my "soulmate" id probably actually kill myself i knkw thats a wild fucking thing 2 say out of no where but i am not joking. if i could never ever have a moments alone in my own head id actually be ending it right now. its almost 1 am can u tell i havent gotten sleep at all.
ANYWAY I HATE SOULMATE AUS. NUMBER ONE SOULMATE HATER !!!! ITS TERRIFYING & SO UNCOMFORTABLE 2 EVEN THINK ABOUT
negative fandom ask game
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fandomfluffandfuck · 2 months
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Hi S,
I was scrolling through Tiktok and I saw a video of Chris Evans and president Joe Biden. And Chris was smiling and laughing. When I tell you I was shooketh! I know Chris was into politics, but damn! How did this even happen?
Also now my hate for USA politics will show, cuz why are the presidents almost always grandpas? I know it’s the system, but why? We’ll at least he isn’t shaking hands with Trump.
Do you know what happened. I think you are from the USA (I’m not sure), so maybe you got some information.
Thank you!! <3
(I also loved the post with Seb on the Syrian)
ah, yes, this video for ASP
Lmao, it's all good, you're welcome to hate on US politics here 💀💀 I may unfortunately be from the USA, but I, too, hate them.
(Putting this under the cut because I get rambly, and I understand that most people aren't here for politics)
I absolutely feel you, though. I was shocked to see Chris and Biden shaking hands. Of course, Chris was at the White House, so it's not impossible, that is where the POTUS is most of the time, and I believe Chris has been to the White House before. I could be wrong there, but, if nothing else, he's certainly been in and around Washington D.C. before with A Starting Point.
(A Starting Point being, according to Wikipedia, "A Starting Point is a website, launched in 2020, devoted to presenting videos by elected officials (current or former), presenting various points of view on issues that are of interest to the United States electorate. It was started by Chris Evans, Mark Kassen, and Joe Kiani.")
So, ASP is how, even if I didn't realize that many people used ASP, lol. I am very involved in politics outside of the fandom space--generally reading and watching and educating myself, as well as attending political events on my campus and speaking to my friends about it--but my involvement doesn't come from ASP.
But, still, the president and Chris meeting, shaking hands, smiling, and laughing feels different. It's a cross-over in a way I would, honestly, rather have not happened.
Don't get me wrong, the purpose Chris was there for, with ASP, trying to get more young people engaged in voting is immensely important. Young people in the US are more likely than any other demographic to vote blue (democratic), and that is something that, with another Trump presidency (GOP/republican) on the possible horizon, is especially important. However, I wish he could've done it without shaking hands with the president. Yes, Biden is a figure head, he doesn't do much (generally and specifically at his age, sitting in the presidency). But, also, with the genocide of Palestinians going on and Biden's active, ongoing support to Israel... I don't enjoy seeing them together.
As far as age... yeah. It's the system. 🙃 If you ask me, the minimum age for being able to run for public office should be lowered (it's 35 at least for president, though, the youngest president was 42, the average age is around mid 50s at inauguration), and there should be a cap on how old you can be and still run as modern medicine continues to prolong life and technology and education provide young people with more resources.
I will admit, growing up in the US, I have absolutely been indoctrinated to see the president and feel something. When I first saw that video my reaction was just, what the fuck!? in a lighthearted, laughing manner. A cross-over, like I said previously, they don't feel like they exist in the same world, y'know? But once I thought about it for half a second longer... it felt different.
Chris can do what he likes. Obviously. I do wonder how it happened, though. Maybe it was something he was approached with by the team for ASP, like, hey, wanna meet the president? Maybe it was something that activated the same indoctrinated kid in him--they teach you young to idolize presidents, past and present--so he said yes, thoughtless. Maybe it was something he thought about and weighed the options of, thinking it would help the cause of getting young people to vote even if it would also, inevitably make people on the Internet mad (maybe rightfully so, too, shaking hands with someone with blood on their hands. As presidents do. Biden's blood is fresh enough it's dripping, though). You can't deny that it made news--Captain America and President Biden shake hands!!! That might give a spark to some younger Marvel fan, tuning in to see what's going on with politics when they otherwise wouldn't. Maybe it was something White House staff and the team for ASP worked on together and surprised Chris.
I don't know.
It's odd. You are correct, though--at least it wasn't Trump (1:26).
If anything, though, it reminds me of the 2016 USO tour Chris and Scarlett went on for Marvel. Like, I appreciate what they did for the individual active service members as people. I think we need to do more to support veterans alongside people who are directly impacted by war--their lives destroyed or altered. However, I am very anti-military, anti-war. So, I don't like that he agreed to do that (granted, it may have been required from Marvel, not something that he could get out of, that's unclear). And I sure as hell hate some of the things he did on that USO tour. Still. My differing opinions on Chris can coexist. I can like what I know of Chris, what he shares of himself, and dislike other parts of him or actions he does. Humans are flawed. I may run a fan blog, and may seem like a stan, but I can also disagree with things people that I am a fan of agree with.
Lmao, thanks! The out-out-place reference to Sebastian on a sybian is related to this, lightening the mood
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ssaalexblake · 1 year
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sometimes i wonder how much more leeway i’d give dhawan!master had i Not been forced to read years worth of takes blaming 13 not being nice on everything he does like he’s just a precious babe, all innocent and naive. 
cuz like, trying compassion never Hurts but holy fuck i am so sick of people acting like his main victim is obligated to be understanding and compassionate to him when he’s just taken Her past and made it all about him, and then had a breakdown over it, that i now just Actively hate the idea of her being nice to him. 
Especially since i kind of uhm and err on whether I think it’s trying to actively Say something about him actively pushing her away meaning he has nobody to help him. I think it’s a reasonably valid read considering that’s what 13 does with the fam and they are always mirrors of each other, if nothing else. In which case, it’s his Own fault and own self centred reactions that got him in this mess to start with and they’re making a point about it by having 13 Not show him any leeway or compassion. 
I mean. I still believe truly that he was hoisted by his own petard here, if he hadn’t had bigoted views towards Non time lords before all this it would not have given him a species crisis and sent him in a self hating spiral, and that the worst of this epic breakdown would be dissolved if he got over the simultaneous superiority and inferiority complex, but still.
I just. Would rather stab my own eyeballs with cocktail sticks than once more read about how 13 being a Nice Lady and helping him through this would solve all these problems he’s having when he’s got So much more going on here than Just his personal feelings towards the doctor.  
and I do have sympathy for him, because he is correct in his assumption that he actually Was violated by what was done, he’s not wrong? He’s allowed to be disturbed by this. But he also decided to make it All about him and then try and torture 13 over it, which is where I lose any urge to see her try and help him through it and lose stomach for reading about how she could at least fix some of it. Not her job. Definitely not after what he did. Even if she Could help him, why would she?  
They Could have commiserated over it together. They didn’t because of what He did. If he showed up waving a white flag in s12 and told 13 what he found out as an attempt at friendship, i doubt 13 would have been Chipper, but she would Not have done her spyfall special on him either. They could have built. She only hits breaking point on him After the gallifrey thing, she treats him showing up as a normal scuffle between them before then, so she’d have relented eventually. 
Buuut really all the piss poor takes from the same people who think she was a big old meanie to graham that keep trying to force her to be maternal in some way have Really dented my ability to like the idea of her treating him any better than he has treated her. 
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zumpietoo · 3 months
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Xmas Edition
Before lunch out....
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If I were 78, I'd be retired, but okayyyy..........meanwhile.....imagine being pressed that I spent the AM of my Xmas Eve giving myself a morning off to be NOT productive....while, in fact, spending YOUR Xmas eve obsessing over how I spent MINE?? (and BTW, yes, I did other stuff, yesterday.....not that I need justify how I spend that or any other day).
Maybe you should remember YOU exist, Silly/janASS and Ketel0, especially given how deeply this upsets you. And how you couldn't actually debunk anything, just a lot of "oh hahaha!!! She likes Cole!!! LOOOSSSEERRR!!!"
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Ummm.....since I'm really busy lately (holidays and two jobs), uhhh....nooooo??? And what manifestos are those? The ones you sent me? Cuz I sent nothing to anyone....
And not sure who I called "fat and ugly", but isn't that YOUR "proof" of unworthiness as a human? Oh yes....and being A Poor....
So I guess you guys must be really lacking in self awareness, after all?
Plusss.....ofc, WTF do you care what I do?
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A) guess the "bender" rumor's true
B) why okay for you, Silly/janass?
C) So spending your Xmas Eve wasted AF off faux Mexican IS the mark of inherent superiority???? Got it! (but, again, why all the judgment on Cole about it?)
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OML.....the saaaadddd desperation.....
Ummm, again, SweatBoi's friends who hate her----and she hasn't for over two months, now? And, honestly, are juvenile total nobodies with 10000% 0 talent, so WTF do you even care?
Far moar interesting that she kreeped on Duan's post last nite, which had a fair amount of Cari/Dylbabs in it, as Peepster continues to try and be part of a world/life she actively avoided for the 4 years she could've been part of it and now really creepily pines for it....
Or are you still insisting she found all of them grody.....even tho CabanaBoi's friends are always fucking blotto, which I thought was evvvollll???
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girlwithfish · 5 months
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big therapy session w myself 🙇‍♀️🤓🎀⛵️
my willfull self isolation behaviors r so bad that when i was in that red zone (im still trying to come up w terminology suited to my experiences to describe my episodes snd different like states ig i remember my therapist asked if i cld describe it w a metaphor like a pressure cooker or smth. i think usually i imagine myself as a pot boiling over or like falling off a cliff) and then my bfs constantly trying to contact me when im in that place splitting and in extreme distress bc conflict makes me go into fight or flight mode etc lol and so im jsut retreating further and then when that doesnt work i lash out and start screaming at him to go even when hes trying to be loving bc he sees ive reached that place but in my head its like u cant be loving to me now if like ten min ago we were arguing and i didnt feel that love and that whole conflict just felt like a lot of my needs were not being met. so how can u love me now. very split-esque mindset lmao. and so all i can do is scream at him and yell to go away and its horrible bc i hate lashing out and i am trying to be more accepting to like my actions r still my actions and responsibility even if there were outside triggers even tho its still hard for me to take that accountability sometimes. and then i just got all my extreme intense emotions out by sobbing it out but all i did was cry and scream and curl on the bathroom floor even though i was so angry and upset and just feeling like i was at a 5/5 on intensity scale and distress and emotional pain. and then once i couldnt cry anymore but i still wasnt feeling well i made a playlist for myself and that action of like curating a playlist actually fkn helped me bc it was a distraction and leaning into an activity i generally enjoy and also is taking up some of my thoughts and attention atm. healthy distraction. and then i listened to music at max volume and therapized myself in my notes app bc lately all ive been doing is therapizing myself. im therapizing myself rn a little. but it is helpful to reflect on past situations and try to understand my emotions and what i needed and what didnt help and idk. its just hard. and saddest thing is my bf was tellig me later its really hard for him to hear me crying and how he had to just put in earphones since i was consistently pushing him away. i still try to figure out why i do that bc sometimes it doesnt eben make sense really like ill want them to help me deep inside but i also have so much holding me back and im also angry and also feel like it wont help and etc. idk smth to unpack later. but it did help hearing that he cared and maybe help me be less resistant to help. its crazy cuz i like fear abandonment so much but i also will do everything to make that person leave anyway like LOL... girl. ok therapy sess over 🤓👍
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junkyarddook · 2 years
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How has this news not ruined your enjoyment with CEC? (/gq)
Animatronics are a big SI for me and I regularly go to CEC, but after hearing this it makes me feel sick. It's completely ruined my enjoyment immediately and I've taken all the CEC stuff off my blog because I can't even bear to look at it.
This is just personal experience, if you don't want to I understand I just want to know how you can manage it because I really hate losing this part of me I've held since childhood...
tbh, working at chuck e, being severely mistreated by them, nd learning how horrible of a corporation they are rly has made me build up a lot of resentment toward them. but tht just makes me wanna speak up, cuz they r not gonna stop till they go bankrupt.
after i quit i had to take a long break. i quit with 0 notice bc they literally broke me. quitting with no notice is something i have never done before, i dont like 2 do that. i had to take 2 weeks off from work after tht because they put me in such a bad mental state
after they mistreated me, i also could barely look at cec stuff because it made me so upset remembering what they did 2 me.,.. and tht something that made me so insanely happy, was ruined by horrible management, ableism and corporate greed. i went from absolutely loving my job and having it b the best part of my day, to throwing up due 2 anxiety before/ during every shift cuz i waz so scared of my manager screaming in my face orr threatening my promotion again, (which i never got btw!! they held a promotion over me for months, had me doing all the responsibilities for it but refused to give me the pay raise they promised me for it.) as well as having multiple anxiety attacks/ having to step outside bc i was bawling cuz of the way they treated us. every. single. shift. the worst part about it was they just took advantage of us, the ones who actually cared about working there. they went easier on us if we didnt like the job, but if they see u will put in the effort, time, commitment, and they wwill use that passion u have to run u into the ground. thatz so wrong to me.
at the samee time, this iz smthn I was already kind of prepared for, i am aware of, having a large corporation as my special interest. all corporations are evil, they just try 2 hide it. this was sadly going on the whole time. small stuff, or big. the way they advertise things is purposely confusing to try and get more money out of u. stuff like tht is super fucked up 2 me. for example at my location they charge a $2 fee to activate playpasses, which i was encouraged to hide from the customer. i was literally only allowed to tell them if they asked why they are being charged $2 extra. chuck e has been supporting autism speaks for 2 years now. they just deleted our comments last year becausee they dont fucking care about us. all they care about is money.
what makez me happy about chuck e cheese is not going there, or supporting them,, for me itz the characters, music, videos, merch, animatronics and art. all of these things u can access without supprting CEC entertainment..,. theres so many ways to still engage in this interest without supporting chuck e cheese as a corporation. draw art of the characters. watch content through other YT channels, not the official cec one. theres so much fan-created content at this point, that we dont need corporate. the new stuff theyre putting out is mostly garbage in my opinion anyways. im not gonna miss seeing them use the same 2 renders of rockstar chuck over and over lol. i luvv rockstar, but evrrything coming out now just has this vibe of "we slapped this together to trick u and get ur money". theres no effort put into anything. its just whatever is quickest, cheapest and will make them the most money. barbara the barnyard barber? just a song they bought the rights 2 and slapped cec adlibs on top of.
i love chuck e cheese so much that i can never give it up, its my special interest, its one of the only things tht brings me true happiness. u dont have to give it up either. u can still love chuck e and not support the company. i even still go sometimes to film the bots, i just dont buy any games, merch or food. u can go to a chuck e cheese completely 4 free, which is definitely a huge "fuck u" to corporate imo, since all they want is ur money.
tl;dr : u can still lovr chuck e cheese without giving them money/ supporting them. imo its not morally wrong if u r speaking up about the bad they r doing, or at the least, not ignoring it and not pretending they did nothing wrong. u just gotta find alternative ways to engage with the content.
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melodythebunny · 1 year
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Time to ramble about your OCs. Any OCs you have, tell us about them? What's lore do you wish to tell of them? Funniest things about your OCs? What inspired your OCs?
I wanna ramble about my original work ocs... Bc its been a while since i talked/thought about them. Let alone drawn any of them.
So ill answer this with my original characters if that alright
👉👈
i have a bunch of ocs. Many are still in drafts cuz ive been busy with fan works. But i have two to 3 series one i am trying to turn into an animation series (@the-mis-adventurers ) and another that is gonna be a collab comic series with @strawberry-mangoprincess (she's more active one her Insta compared to me lol) one is just merely a fun concept i think about every now and then.
Overall my ocs are inspired by other fictional characters. mainly from whatever media i consume and enjoy.
Starting with the concept one.
I only have two ocs made for it so far. Ember and Crystal. They are sisters with fire and ice elemental powers hence their names. Ember like fire embers and crystal like ice Crystals. Orphans dunno who there parents were. Not clear if their powers ran in the family/curse/etc.
Ember always had trouble controlling her powers especially with having a fiery temper. She's the more friendlier sibling however. Crystal despises her ice powers. She has an easier time hiding them so she can blend in with normal people. (I gotta draw them again sometime)
Crystal doesnt hate her sister but isn't close to her either. Feeling the need to take care of her since she's the last of kin.
And now for my (slightly) more thought out ocs from my wip series, the misadventurers
In a nutshell i want this series to be about the power of friendship (i blame my mlp phase for this-)
There's four main characters. All girls bc why not?
Their names are mink, jing, Raine and jennifer.
Mink is the more calm and responsible one out of her friends. Mom friend type. Her hair was actually blonde but turned pink to unknown reasons. (I took inspiration from lofi music when creating her) She proudly owns a pet turtle named fern. Will kick butt if her friends are hurt.
Jing is a goth who enjoys making music. she plans on startd her own band someday. (Eventually she does with her friends. Its called rock n pop. Pending title for now) has a rivalry with another oc of mines, Lillian. Loves to scare the others with pranks and horror movies.
Raine is the artist of the group. She tends to break the fourth wall whenever she wants. Also whatever she draws with her paint brush becomes real. her name is also a pun. Raine strom. (You can see her on my tumblr header harassing my old sona) Very zany in a good way. Has a crush on a dense boi*
Jennifer is a social butterfly. Heart's too big for her sleeve. Pacifist. Tends to let wild animals in the house. And thats how she got a pet goat who may or may not actually be one. Her mother wishes she'd be more responsible.
Now for some reccuring characters-
Lillian - famous star, used to be childhood friends with jing. And now they hate eachothers guts. Primadonna gurrrrllll. All she ever wanted was the worrrrldddd(Took alot of inspiration from the song for her) is an attention hog and will do anything to be popular.
*Milo - Also known as peppermint boi/j. But seriously look at his color pallet-. He does enjoy mints and always passing one out to people. Very dense and doesn't get when he is getting on someone nerves. Just as zany as raine. Uber positive. Don't let him get too excited tho. Cuz he'll LITERALLY explode.
Cole - college drop out. Wonders why the haystack milo and raine won't leave him be. Also tends to be their third wheel on their 'not' dates. He hates it. Very moody. Legend has it he's never laughed or smiled before.
Derek - just some rich dude. Comes up with so many back stories like Horst from ratatouille so its hard to tell which is fake and what is real. Tries really hard for Jennifer to fall for him but doesn't work out.
I already rambled to you about max and min. Buttt I can tell you a it more about them at least about their absent/missing parents
Thymes (pronounced Times) and Divid are the twins and Equan’s Parents.
They are both scientists who worked for [REDACTED]. Thymes and Divid were both pretty much crazy but in a ‘not so dangerous’ type of way.  always ready to invent stuff even if it held no actual purpose.
It did concern them greatly when Equan started going through a Frankenstein phase. At least they assumed it was. Probably didn’t help much they were pretty much working even at home leaving their kids pretty much unattended(And boy oh boy did they learn…)
And sadly disappeared due to unknown circumstances.
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deathsbestgirl · 1 year
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3.13 syzygy
(had to include 3.13 cuz that’s my anniversary <3)
under a cut cuz ofc this is longer than it needs to be
oh right that’s ryan reynolds !!!
i love these two actresses, i think they’re so good. but i think their characters’ names should have been switched 😂
*also* am i supposed to believe they’re straight? i only see gay activity
it’s the way mulder & scully are bickering the first moment we see them. why are they on each other’s nerves already lmaooo
scully looking *so* annoyed when mulder explains her skepticism to white — top notch.
scully judging a woman for her hair?? so ooc. only acceptable in this episode because it’s the whole point.
it’s my opinion that all of the annoyances are very real & in character — but every single one of their actions & reactions regarding it is what’s out of character. they hide their feelings better when ~emotions are involved, and professional disagreements is what their entire working partnership is based on. and only when they hit boiling points do they have real arguments about their difference of opinion.
i love scully poking holes in detective white’s theories is beautiful. and she’s literally so right. like. they have no evidence of what these girls are saying?? nor have they identified anyone.
“look, we’ve been working together for what, two years now? we have differing opinions, but i didn’t expect you to ditch me.”
SCULLY IS SO RIGHT. mulder trying to claim he didn’t ditch her specifically because he was annoyed with her *correct* assessment that this isn’t the work of satanists??
it’s funny though, because it is like him to ditch her, or maybe from his perspective, to pursue his hunches, try to prove his theories. but he usually only ~ditches her when he thinks it’s necessary. and it just is not necessary here. to give her no option or heads up? also weird of him to badly defend her to det. white.
and like i know scully’s jealous BUT she just feels more in the right. unsurprising for me to think/feel that lol
what i love though is how ambiguous her reaction & emotions are. it would be very easy to believe what she said about his behavior & thinking it’s about his professionalism — but when she’s smoking in her motel room, muttering to herself?? a little more difficult. could still say that she’s professionally annoyed because he’s trusting this detective he doesn’t know & has no rapport with. meanwhile they’ve been partners more than two years now, she has proven herself an asset, gained his trust & trusted him in that time — and with det. white, she doesn’t have to do anything.
the whole scene in mulder’s motel room weirds me out. it makes me so uncomfortable. like i know he’s trying to see if she was the one wearing his “favorite perfume” but touching intimately like that, and not just standing close to her? WEIRD. drinking, slightly ooc. he’s all messed up cuz him & scully are off so i don’t think it’s out of the question.
DRIVING WHEN HE WAS DRINKING?! no. NO. nope. i hate it.
(honestly this whole episode just cracks me up but that really bothers me, cuz he’s so not inconsiderate in that way. he can be in a lot of other ways, but something that could endanger others and not because of their line of work. it’s a hard ooc moment for me to swallow.)
the ~big macho man~ and ~little feet/pedals~ comments are absolutely hilarious. mulder having white drive with scully — hysterical. and so so interesting that this is when they finally get some answers. even if those answers are scientifically unexplainable for fbi purposes.
was the doctor crossdressing out of character for him? the paranoia in the small town? believing the murders are the work of satanists? what are these people really like?
their conversation about margi & terri is hilarious. it’s the only one so far where they seem to be properly communicating and then scully says ~sure. fine. whatever.~ for the second time.
OH and the movie 😂😂😂
“hey girlfriend” queer activity !!!
all of the guns firing and the desks moving — literally how does scully explain this to herself? does she think it was like a fever dream lollll
also mulder dragging & throwing margi into a room is so fucking comical. and scully throwing terri in too? and then they just wait it out??
the paranoid town folks come with their pitchforks l, ready to exact their own justice and then as soon as they see the girls, POOF. but they still insist it was the devil 😭😭 even mulder is exasperated at that point lmao
and literally what the heck was detective white doing? opening the door with a mob right there?! she’s kind of really dumb…
scully driving like a lunatic, ignoring him, running a stop sign — hilarious. i fucking love it. “shut up mulder” “sure fine whatever”
this is a very special unhinged episode. cuz like. sure they’re a little ooc but it still very much feels like them. like the worst thing is actually their choice of substances and the disregard they show each other.
and still i just think — they’re so good at communicating about their work and i don’t understand why that doesn’t cross over into the more personal. like the way scully actually goes at mulder for his behavior with detective white is crazy, so unlike how she behaved when it was phoebe, bambi, or fowley. the differences in her behavior from p > b > f is actually kinda sweet. i think it reflects the stage of their partnership & her (internalized) recognition of her feelings. but detective white? her reactions are a little over the top for where they currently are. even if the undercurrent has been there since the beginning.
and now i’m just thinking of squeeze 😩😩 because mulder was pretty territorial but still pretty lowkey. and he’s acting surprised at this point that she feels territorial of him and protective of their trust & partnership. what an idiot
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izzy-b-hands · 1 year
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34 & 44!
Connie!!! Thank you!! 💖💖💖💛💛!
34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?
This is where the Autism kicks in akdnfkgng, even if I dislike a song (like actively hate lmaooo) if I hear it enough it will be stuck in there, fully remembered, forever. I can't remember my cousin's bdays without it being marked already on a calendar, but if someone asked me to sing any song I hate for karaoke? (Let's go with Blurred Lines because I watch an old Big Fat Quiz ep and guess what they played more than once 🙃): I could do it. It might not sound good, but by god every word would be there.
On the plus side, songs I love also stick in there easily, which means there's also a selection of MCR, anything that's ever been on a Saints Row soundtrack, the entire OFMD soundtrack (literally have not relistened to The Chain because it's been in my head on repeat since I watched it 😂)
Fuck the Autism also kicked in on this answer (and the next im so sorry ilu) what a book, forgive me for these lmaooo
44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?
Okay so I'm v stoned and got waaay too deep into this question ngl like. considering who and the concept of revenge and vigilante justice and would seeking the other person's death really create an overwhelming sense of fulfillment and peace, or simply mutate the current grief into something twisted and painful that haunts one until their death? Then thinking if I undertook manipulation to ensure the death of someone else but had to spend time in their company as a result am I then no better than them for having taken their hospitality which comes from their horrific actions?
Then I realized the best answer is probably Thomas Hardy or (and hoo boy am I a little scared to note this one hence writing it to evade tags) J./K./R./
The first because I hate having to read his sad sack books and like. I think it would be a mercy to kill him and put him out of his fucking misery. "Because we are to meny" fuck u Tommy Boy that shit destroyed me
And the second because her work was a huge part of my childhood. I loved that shit; I still have merch from my middle school days even that is in storage to be burned later. At one point I had planned a tattoo of a fave line even (I'm glad I waited, but had I gotten it I think now I would just be figuring out a good cover up design. That's just me personally tho cuz like. who tf gets a fun fandom tattoo and then expects This Shit from the author, ya know? I didn't as a kid, planning for that tattoo while I reread the books.)
As a result of who she's revealed herself to be and what she believes, I've cut that part of myself out like a cancer (tearing up the old books and using them for art projects, the merch burning is probably going to be done this or next summer or whenever we aren't in a damn drought with bonfire bans) but bits of it linger, ya know? Like I'll think of a song from middle school and then be blasted with the memory of how I played it on repeat while reading the latest in the series, and then remember Why i haven't been able to listen to the song in years
I wish i could literally erase all of it from my memory, never see the books or merch or the movies (on streaming sites too) ever again. But since I can't, though I keep on trying, I would settle for doing to her what she thinks should happen to people like me
However she also seems like a scrapper and she's taller than me so tbh I dunno if I would be successful or if it would be a mutual fight to the death, but I would be fine with that too. Not a win-win, but not every situation is in life lol
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