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#i am serious about this but not actually angry
katabay · 7 months
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I'm going to be honest finding your account has sent me down a rabbit hole I did not expect to find myself in, yesterday I spent six hours, looking at all of your stuff and I'm absolutely amazed, I have no words. Your art and everything you talk about I'm absolutely fascinated in a very normal way I don't mean to sound weird. I was wondering if you had any thoughts to share with someone who's hating everything they draw and have lost the fun and passion when creating, I want to snap out of it.
I've been holding onto this ask for a minute because a few years back I went through a phase (I call it a phase, I fully intended never to pick up art again) where I also hated everything I was making
ultimately, what got me out of it was mostly doing other stuff. not even in a 'get a new hobby,' kind of way, I hated drawing in my sketchbook, so I started cutting out washi tape as clothes over old sketches and filling in the negative space between scribbles with highlighter and pen colors I thought looked nice. I went out to daiso, bought $10 worth of stickers, and started putting them where I thought it would look nice when I got the urge to do something but still couldn't bring myself to actually pick up a pencil.
if there's something that you know for sure you don't like about art, it can help to confront it and then go in the other direction. there were a lot of things I used to draw because I felt like it was expected, only I was unhappy all the time, and once I realized I was unhappy because I wasn't actually exploring what I thought was interesting about the subject holding my attention, it was sometimes easier to see what I DID want to do, I just had to acknowledge what I DIDNT want first.
that said, I still have an on-off again antagonism with myself and art, it's messy and it's always going to be that way for me, but whenever I feel stuck, I do try to change things up, or head off to a space that I feel has absolutely no expectations from me whatsoever. like. whenever I get really annoyed on my history blog, I actually turn to watching 2PM's vlogs on youtube. I have enough 2PM art in my sketchbooks I almost thought about making a dedicated HOTTEST twitter account lmao.
probably my last thought on this might be: try keeping two sketchbooks. nothing expensive. one can be something more serious, but keep a space just for yourself to fuck around in. don't draw in it unless you want to. put stickers in it, press flowers that you think look neat. buy some cheap water colors and see if you like the blues that you get out of it. it's okay to feel antagonistic towards art, but if you aren't ready to break up with it (and art will always be there if you want to go back, that's an important thing), I've found the straightforwardness of 'I like these stickers, so I'm going to put them on top of this square of blue I liked,' to be akin to leaving messages for someone you aren't ready to talk to face to face just yet, but maybe someday.
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themyscirah · 12 days
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Thinking about current continuity Vanessa and just getting pissed off again
Like one, LET HER REST oh my god dc you ruin her FUCKING life like an asshole only to bring her back as a villain after she finally got out oh my god-
But also like its just so bad. This is a whole other woman with her name like why are we doing this. Like first you kill her mom (JULIA NOOO) and erase her YEARS of history growing up around diana (the thing that actually made her villain turn [if you can call it that w the level of manipulation involved] interesting and fucking heartbreaking) for some shitty "oh I saved you we were friends" run of the mill whatever. Then to use that and say Nessie had a crush on her OWN SISTER (Diana, so like informally adopted, but still 😡) now????
And then they took away her curls and made her a redhead but not even the realistic kind. DC SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT
It just makes me so mad. Freaking guys. They could have used another name like oh my god. She's not even the first silver swan why the fuck would they do that if they're not going to explore her history w diana (which she no longer has!!!!) or how intensely fucked up everything got for her. What is even the fucking point of this then other to drag a main character of the ww supporting cast through the mud again for genuinely no reason. They could have easily had her be Valerie Beaudry (sorry Val) instead or just MADE UP ANOTHER NAME because it's obvious that no one actually cared about her as a character they just wanted the wondy villain back so like !!!!!!!!!! Why even bother
#her entire treatment just makes me so angry#like in general it makes me mad and sad and a million other emotions#but the fucking robinson version just makes me enraged. beyond pissed off. because theres no fucking reason for it its bullshit and its the#one in current continuity right now. so i get to see tom king ww panels put on my dash that have this stupid fake vanessa and its so#infuriating. like thats NOT her!!!!!!! oh my freaking god people#her hair is BROWN and CURLY and shes dianas BABY SISTER who she lived with for YEARS like she was a MAJOR supporting ww character for the#longest time. like shes got about 100 appearances (just checked) preboot this is not a minor character#so freaking frustrating#blah#ALSO. FUCKING ALSO. THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE CURRENT VANESSA TURNED EVIL BC SHE REALIZED SHE WASNT SPECIAL TO DIANA BS. FUCK YOU THERE LIKE#OH MY GODDDDD “isnt special to diana” im going to fucking kill you. what do you mean she doesnt care about her specially. thats her FUCKING#BABY SISTER. not to sound like vanessa herself a la silver swan but those clowns at dc would never say that shit about cassie oh my god#not special my FUCKING ass. nessie and her mom were literally the first people invited to themyscira in post coie continuity#like yes diana trevor and steve trevor and even baby julia kapetelis washing ashore but like the kapetelises (and you could even say just#nessie bc again her mom had been there before) were the FIRST ones invited there like you cannot say diana didnt care about them more than#the average joe dc i fucking despise you.#this girl has been through so much why is dc incapable of throwing her a bone ever. nessie i am so sorry they did that to you sweetie.#gonna tag it bc her tag deserves the traffic#vanessa kapatelis#just makes me so mad#doing all that to the normal teen girl character in a wonder woman comic is so fucked actually like dc comics i should not have to explain#that to you. what message do you think you are sending here be serious
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yourcalamity · 2 months
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i just carry a lot of bitterness right now but no matter how much things hurt i have to keep going and if i dont communicate and talk about my feelings then its my fault but every time i have tried to have a serious conversation it cant just go bad it has to go so badly that i want to open up even less, and if i do that whose fault is it? mine. salt and bleach and draino and fire ants and franks red hot directly into the wound on a regular basis
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partyintheunderworld · 10 months
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Favourite Henchman moments?
always love henchman !! especially fond of the moments in a very devil christmas . more importantly though , his autism coding makes me so insanely happy . its genuinely the best representation i’ve seen in years , it makes me feel so so seen for the way i am , and i especially adore how he’s never mocked or ridiculed for the way that he behaves and how he perceives the world . peak writing if you ask me
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moe-broey · 1 year
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I'm too lazy to illustrate it (plus I think I'd get too caught up in the process LMFAO) but when drawing/adding personal touches to Lif's design I am channeling Lio Fotia Promare for his armor (ESP the Mad Burnish armor) Lewis Mystery Skulls (less aesthetic similarities reflected but like, kinda similar broad chested body type similar vibes and important heart motifs) (heart motif isn't pictured in this Lewis image but if you've seen the animated music vids you get it) and literally just any 2D animated Disney villain who is Shaped and Dramatic (and has a huge fucking cape or coat -- tbh the specific ones I think about are Maleficent and Cruella just from the dramatic/big cape standpoint, purely aesthetic)
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(fuck it after a lot of thinking Hades is a good one too)
#no main tags about it but. i need everyone to understand my vision.#ig maleficent is more sleek than i'd ever draw lif but it's about vibes. fucked up dramatic evil vibes.#when it comes to body language i am always imagining him moving around in that dramatic disney villain way too#like i adore the serious art of him that captures his canon very well i adore seeing his severe and threatening side#but to me when i portray him he is just a little campy.#i can't help it LMFAO everything i touch gets a little silly and gay AGSJHAKSKAK#THE FLOURISH. THAT'S WHAT I'M ALWAYS IMAGINING. THE EVIL FLOURISH.#and like v important he's still so serious. and angry and full of grief. a threatening foe and liability as an ally.#someone you love but don't fully trust.#i feel like i. don't always capture the full scope of complexities in my work. too busy staying silly ig LMFAO#fe lif#<- one main tag actually. but only so i can find this later on my blog if i need it 👍#THINKING THIS OVER AGAIN the reason i gravitate towards maleficent is bc of the Sharpness in her design#like dr facilier/the shadow man could fit v well here too aesthetically and hades thematically esp#but also full disclosure i haven't watched any classic disney movies in years LMFAO#literally was just frantically looking up 'most iconic classic disney villains' to look at their character sheets#bc i was SO hard pressed by the maleficent inspo. i feel like she is the EPITOME of dramatic disney villain#and i happened upon cruella and was like OH FUCK YES BIG FUCKING FUR COAT!!!!!!!!!!!! implementing this forevwr now#pouring over model sheets i almost feel like dr facilier is a bit too flamboyant actually?#like he's too playful actually. fantastic vibes but not quite for lif.#i think hades captures the silliness/exaggerated rage/movementa i think of and cruella also captures this#AND she has the big fur coat. i desperately wanna watch 101 dalmatians now LMAO#just to see how her coat moves and the weight of it.#but also i think maleficent captures the Classic dramatic and severe villain i was also imagining.#she has a lot of seriousness to her too. plus big cape. and drama. ect.#CATEGORY 5 AUTISM MOMENT. I KNOW. I NEED TO STOP THINKING I WANNA DO SALMON RUN
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AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE DESERT OTHERWORLD TIME DIFFERENCE
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year
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. windblume
#3.5 spoilers#windblume spoilers#genshin spoilers#this is my first windblume haha i missed weinselfest too bc school so its neat to see a festive mond!#ive already seen festive liyue at least 3 times haha so its an interesting change of pace#anyways not to be like the umpteenth person to say this but cy.no lore???!!!#getting gradually more and more interested in him mostly bc he seems to be another case of 'poor desert student gets taken in by akademiya b#beneficiary and [etc etc]' and hm. on one hand idk how to feel about that! there are a variety of implications of that some of which are ver#very 'hm!. this could go very wrong!'#on the other hand i like his puns <3 the serious way in which he tells all jokes is so good#seen some people talking about col.lei's change from angry girl to uwu shy introvert#haven't read the manga AND don't have strong opinions on her but i suppose it is kind of tiring for a large portion of the female chars to b#be. like that rip#also al.bedo lore?! i am fully on the cynobedo train rn theyre so ?!?@??!? idk good pls put them in a room more#also that cutscene. and the lore??? girl why isn't this a main quest a) funny as hell b) literally drops hints about actual main quest c) en#endearment factor and mild to moderate character development d) funny as hell see point a#ngl i got lowkey turned off by su.crose and col.lei bonding... it might be because of the shy introverted female thing ... im sorry mond fan#the npc romance tho lmaoooo. truly the only characters getting bitches in the game /hj#also . bedo blowing through the rankings of 'characters who don't let on 90% of what they know' every single quest with some lowstakes myste#mystery mond gimmick he's ALWAYS the one who figures it out and says fucking nothing#shaking him what do you know#ok bye i hope everyone has fun playing it the quest is good <3#ramblings!
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svtskneecaps · 1 year
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yknow as a wee bab i always kinda assumed i'd be the range type of video game fighter yknow keep to the background, wait for a chance, preferred weapon is a bow or whatever
nah. "sprint in and mash the attack button until it stops moving"
#my point here is my botw playstyle as it turns out#equip a sword and hit it more than it hits you that's my motto#anyway i've explored all of hyrule castle now + gotten every memory + finally purchased the fucking ancient set except for the helmet#bc 1) shit's ugly 2) i had 1944 money and it was 2000 YES i was angry#found the spring of courage (i feel so stupid); defeated the camel blight; killed two moldugas; killed a blue lynel;#killed the white lynel in gatehouse two (PANICK); finished the darkness trial; found an ENTIRE FUCKING STABLE I SOMEHOW MISSED;#finally found it within me to shoot farosh in the face twice; set up a system to shoot both naydra and dinraal in the face every night;#stalled a blood moon in hyrule castle so that was a weird month for the citizens; finished tarrey town; filled out more of the compendium#(while trying to find a FUCKING stealthfin trout to upgrade the sheikah set bc NO i am NOT looking it up >:(( )#actually used urbosa's fury on purpose; accidentally used urbosa's fury while trying to stasis launch a slab of rock; accidentally#used mipha's grace against the lynel (i swear that guy was white maned but the wiki says blue?? literally checked w camera before charging)#still have used revali's gale. twice. ever.#yea so anyway fuck that bird i guess like at this point i'm gonna beat ganon and like. i am only going to have used his shit. two times.#my ass sprinting up the mountainside: NAYDRA'S COMING I GOTTA GET ABOVE HER FOR THE BEST SHOT RN HOLY SHIT#THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GAIN ALTITUDE#not kpop#shut up vic#shoutout to my homie recommending i use revali's gale to evade guardians unfortunately for us i'm fucking dumb#i think about it constantly EXCEPT when i open the game i am being completely serious
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pepprs · 1 year
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the bull smashing plates in my brain right now.
#dangerously mentally ill atm. about to snap and start screaming and crying hysterically in the middle of meetings.#purrs#it’s fine btw i just need to be honest and i need to ask for comfort and accept it. but i fucking can’t. but i need to and i have to so hel#me god except nothing is going to make up for not getting to be held at b*rth so……. lol. like you can’t just ask people for that. but it’s#the way that i need to be married so bad so i can finally be normal. im completely serious. i need to be married. being someone’s number on#will fix me. and i also need to not have k*ds i think bc mike birbiglias the new one special made me SO deeply angry and upset and i can’t#even take it. like i think maybe no one in love should have kids ever again. i truly believe that. if you can’t give a kid your deepest tru#truest love then it fucks them up for life and if you can do that then it erodes the relationship you have with your partner so. basically#wish i didn’t exist kinda. and i wish none of the good things in my life had happened to me because it gave me hope for things that can’t a#actually happen and i have just been delusional about someday being healed all this time. i will be wounded and alone forever and i want to#go lie in the trench they’re digging in the backyard about it 💃🏻🥳#delete later#i just want to play wobboedogs on the switch and forget i am a human being. that’s all. that’s literally it#cominng back to this a couple weeks later um this was one of the most mentally ill posts i have ever made in my life. sorry 😚✌️ x
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gorefetishizer · 1 year
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Ppl who heavyly dislike the 5th tma season DONT interact if u didn't enjoy the fear exploring poetry i dont trust you
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galacticlamps · 2 years
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your posts about how /obviously a trap/ Waterfield's plan is made me think hey, what if he did that on purpose, not knowing how truly stuck Two would be without the TARDIS and hoping he might just walk away? and now your tags about Two potentially building warnings into the traps for Jamie and Kemel have me like. what if Evil is just one big nest of 'I'm being forced to do something to you but I'm trying so hard to subvert that as best I can but you don't realise it and think the worst of me'
ooh that's interesting! & definitely not something I thought of before! with Waterfield I was just looking at it from the perspective of him being under-prepared and unenthusiastic about playing the role of a schemer, and turning to tropes from fiction to craft his trap because that's easier than coming up with something totally original, especially under pressure
but this explanation would honestly make a lot of sense (I mean, in the novel, he literally does choose to let Ben & Polly walk away, and I can't imagine the Daleks presented it to him as 'hey, do what you want about these people, it's cool'). Plus, judging by some of the things he says in episodes 2 & 4, Waterfield really hated what he was doing in the '60s, and didn't even feel totally satisfied with it all being justified by the fact that they had his daughter - so, yeah, I definitely think it's possible he was kinda hoping his own plan would fail before dragging anyone else down with it.
On the Doctor's end I'm, like, fighting with myself - because I don't want to just read things into the script solely because I'd like to see them, of course, but also, Episode 4's camera script is particularly messy compared to the others, so I'm a little bit hesitant to base anything off of it alone.
But then on the other hand, what if the only reason that explanation never occurred to me before looking at the script is just because the episode’s missing? Plenty of surviving serials from the era make a point of linking up cuts between a plots & b plots with shots that juxtapose the two directly - you can even find some evidence for that style in this serial in the surviving episode 2, when we get a crossfade from the portrait to Victoria, or before that, when we cut from a live close up of the Doctor's face to the photograph Waterfield's about to use as bait for his trap - and the antique shop sequence is full of brief shots of Waterfield that have no dialogue, including some of him checking the device he has that shows him when doors have been opened, and can lock/unlock them remotely, to let Two, Jamie, and Perry in to find Kennedy’s body. I feel like if that episode had been a recon, those moments would probably have read as more of a general “Waterfield’s carrying out his plan simultaneously” and less of a direct cause-and-effect - so maybe if we still had the visuals, in real moving time to the soundtrack, that linkage in Episode 4 would've also been an obvious conclusion? And the fact that they scripted that line for Jamie & also that it got cut (possibly because it wasn't getting the point across clearly enough?) is a pretty compelling idea...
But also, even if there were no basis for it at all in anything 'canon' I would still argue it's not a bad interpretation of what's going on in the serial - that whole 'yes I'll be the one to do it, not because I want to, but maybe because I can do it more mercifully than anyone else' thing fits with both the Doctor & Waterfield's reluctance to work with the Daleks, even after they both know that Jamie & Victoria, and their respective homes are all at stake. And it's a serial already full of mind control and manipulation and henchmen/subordinates with varying degrees of commitment to their superiors, and competing loyalties among people who perceive themselves to be on the same side - all in all I think that'd fit right in, whether the writers were trying to imply it in that one scene or not
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bloodmoxley · 2 years
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A thousand deaths upon you officeboy
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angeltrapz · 1 month
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not the misgendering again
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screamingatkyle · 5 months
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being aromantic is exhausting
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assassinsblade · 3 months
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Heavy Weather
In which yours and Azriel’s mission is disrupted by a major inconvenience: your cycle.
WC: 4.1k
Warnings: Nothing really, just fluff and period stuff!
—————-
Gods, it was cold.
The snow fell down in sheets, covering the forest floor and soaking into your leathers. Azriel was trekking about twenty feet in front of you, eyes scouring the area, although his grip was loose around Truth Teller at his side.
“The Winter Court…” you grouched, mimicking your high lord. “Why couldn’t it have been Day Court. Or Autumn.”
Azriel chuckled. “You wanna spend time with Helion and Eris? I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
The air in front of you steamed as you let out an exhausted breath. You both had been pushing through this snow for hours. You couldn’t even remember what you were looking for at this point. You had only been there for about ten hours, and a little into the cold wilderness, you found your brain becoming foggy and your body fatigued. You really needed a blanket and sleep.
“Helion would never let me freeze. He likes body heat too much. And Eris has fire powers.”
“Something tells me Eris wouldn’t be too keen on helping.”
You shrugged, lifting your foot to step over a snow-covered log. “He’s always been fine to me.”
A muscle in Azriel's jaw jumped, his wings going tight against his back. You could barely make out the pink coloring of his mouth through the snowfall. “I don’t trust him,” he said. “Not after Mor, and not with you.”
“So dramatic.” You attempted to ease the tension in the air at your mention of the soon-to-be High Lord of the Autumn Court.
“I’m dramatic? You live in the Night Court and suddenly you act like snow is going to kill you.”
You did feel like it was going to kill you. You didn’t know what had you so exhausted, why the snow seemed to be soaking through your clothes and seeping its way straight into your bones. You had slept okay last night, hadn’t you? You were wearing weather-appropriate clothing. You had done enough training and exercise that this hike shouldn’t be wearing you down this much.
You hadn’t realized that Azriel had turned around to look at you, stopping in his tracks as he waited for you to catch up.
“Are you actually okay?” His voice was more serious this time, less teasing.
Giving him a nod, you focused on putting one foot in front of the other. “Yeah. Let’s just make shelter somewhere soon. I really am cold.”
He nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. You didn’t blame him, you must have looked pathetic. Your teeth were chattering so loud the same spies you came to the Winter Court to track would no doubt be able to hear you if close. Your body felt like you had weights pulling you down under the earth, with each step comparable to trudging through quicksand. And you just felt off - like you could pass out or throw up at any moment.
Azriel waited until you were by his side once again before continuing to move.
“There’s an abandoned cabin not too far from here. We’ll camp there for the night, get you some rest. Maybe a blanket or two.”
The wind burnt your cheeks as you tilted you head to look at him. He seemed completely unaffected. In fact, it was as if he was taking a stroll through the Summer Court, right along the water, basking in the breeze.
“How are you not freezing?”
His lips quirked up at your angry tone. “Believe it or not, Sunshine, I grew up in the snowy Illyrian mountains.”
You nodded, only half-hearing his response. And then your feet were stumbling over one another, and Azriel had to reach out quickly to prevent you from falling.
“Not too far now,” he reassured. But he kept his hand on your leathers the rest of the way to the cabin, monitoring your movements and ensuring you wouldn’t just topple over. Every so often, you felt him look over at you, as if he didn’t trust his hand and wanted to make sure you hadn’t fallen behind again.
It felt like hours before the rickety structure came into view, and by that point, you truly knew something was wrong with you. Had you been poisoned at some point during the trip? Were you sick? You didn’t think you’d ever been sick in your entire life as fae.
Once you were at the landing of the cabin, you realized Azriel had been supporting your weight much more than you had intended or thought. His entire forearm was supporting your back now, pushing you forward until you crossed the threshold into the enclosed space.
You heard the door shut tightly behind you, sucking the sound of the wind out with it. In the silence, you nearly collapsed.
There wasn’t much time to take in your surroundings. You briefly saw a couch, a kitchen area, and a fireplace. There was probably a bathroom down the hall, maybe a bed if you were lucky. Your thoughts didn’t go past that though as you stumbled for the sofa.
Azriel watched as you fell into it, your head tipping back and eyes scrunching closed. You tried to school your features into something less uncomfortable, but you doubted it was convincing.
“I’ll get a fire going.”
You heard his footsteps move toward the fireplace, the scuffling of movements as wood was moved from the keep to the hearth. However, despite his action to get the cabin warm for you, you could still feel his eyes drifting toward the couch intermittently.
Wood began cracking, a light forming in the corner of your vision. Still cold, still weak, you tried to breathe steadily.
You were about to say something to distract Azriel from your odd behavior when you felt fabric being laid over your body. Your hands automatically went to grip the blanket, pulling it up to your chin weakly before peeking your eyes open.
Azriel was already moving away from the couch, but he didn’t leave the room before muttering a quiet, “Get some sleep.”
Sleep, unfortunately, did not come easy to you. You alternated between feeling like you were going to vomit and feeling like you were being stabbed. Your muscles ached, and it seemed to take all of your energy to rise your chest in a breath.
You tried to focus on the fire, on the way sparks flew from the wood, briefly illuminating the dark stone. The warmth of the flames was drifting toward the couch now, and you tried to adjust your body to move closer to it.
In your movement, though, you noticed the way your damp clothes felt different against your skin. The snow had soaked into the fabric, but the feeling you recognized in your core at your movement toward the fireplace had you nearly whimpering.
Azriel was there before you could make it fully off the couch, reaching his hands out to catch you from falling.
“What are you doing?”
“I- I need to-“
“-Lay down,” he interrupted. “Rest.”
You tried to breathe through the pain. Your vision was becoming blurry with each stab through your abdomen, and you honestly did not understand how you missed your symptoms earlier.
“I can’t, Azriel… I need-“
“-I know.” He gently guided you back onto the couch, hands pulling the blanket over you once again. “I know. Just breathe. I’ll be right back.”
Did he know? Could he sense it now? Could he smell the blood? Recognize the symptoms too?
There wasn't time to be embarrassed because he was gone again quickly, and you couldn’t help the tears that escaped at the pain running through your body.
When you had first met Feyre and she had told you the difference between fae and human cycles, you had nearly cursed the Mother for torturing your kind. You had been literally stabbed before, beaten, and burned, and nothing compared to the pain of your cycle.
“Here,” Azriel said, reappearing before you. He laid some sort of steaming broth he must have found in a cupboard on the table in front of you, along with some torn pieces of cloth, presumably from a towel found in the rest of the house.
You looked at the items, tears blurring your eyes again. You felt like you couldn’t move, everything ached, everything hurt, everything felt wrong-
“I need help,” you got out through your tears, your voice sounding weak even to yourself.
“Okay.” Azriel nodded. “That’s okay.”
He gripped under your legs and behind your back, pulling you up until you were on the edge of the couch. "I have changes of clothes for us in my bag. Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?”
You nodded, too embarrassed to look at him. Azriel didn’t say a word though, instead grabbing a few of the pieces of cloth, his bag off the ground, and scooped you up into his arms.
He walked you both to the bathroom, and you kept your face buried close to his chest both so you wouldn’t have to see if you got anything on the couch and so that Azriel wouldn’t see the redness in your cheeks.
When he entered the bathroom, he set you onto the counter before setting the supplies down. From his bag, he pulled out the extra pair of underwear, pants, bra, and shirt you had packed for yourself.
“Do you want to wash off?” He asked genuinely, glimpsing over his shoulder at the antique bathtub.
Did you want to be clean? Absolutely. But your entire body felt like it was going to fall through the floor, weighed down with aches, pain, and exhaustion. You weren’t even sure you could get your arms to move enough to scrub yourself clean.
You whimpered at your inability to do what you needed, at how weak you felt, and the frustration that coursed through your veins.
"Hey, it's okay." Azriel brought his hands up to cup your cheeks, bringing your eyes to meet his own. "What do you need? What can I do?"
You just shook your head, face flushing red. "I can't ask you to help me with this."
Because this was embarrassing and some males thought it was weak and gross and something to be kept taboo. You were quite literally bleeding through your leathers, with your abdomen, back, and legs all twisting and cramping in pain, heat scouring your body, and you felt like a little kid again -- needing to be taken care of, unable to do the basic task of looking after yourself. It was humiliating, but especially in front of Azriel of all people. Someone so composed, so strong.
It wasn't as if your friends didn't know about your cycle or what you female fae went through. On the contrary, they always offered to help where they could. If you missed out on training because of your cycle, Cassian would always bring up some tonics or some extra food and water to make sure you were okay. A few cycles that were particularly bad had Rhys sending after Madja, and Azriel rushing when he heard. He was the one who had advocated for Madja to give you some sleeping tonics to help you sleep through the pain instead of withstanding it.
But here? On a mission? This was too much.
"Why not?" Azriel's question brought you back to the present. He looked genuinely confused, his brows furrowing slightly.
"Azriel..." you pleaded with his questioning, arms wrapping around your stomach as pain hit you again. You swayed slightly on the counter, Azriel's hands dropping from your face to your waist to steady you.
"You're in pain." His voice was serious, and you wanted to hide your face in his chest. "Let me help you. I don't like seeing you like this."
You swallowed, trying to reign in your shame and embarrassment. It wasn't a big deal, you told yourself. This was natural. And Azriel is over five hundred years old, surely he's seen and dealt with cycles and all they entail before. It doesn't have to make a difference being yours.
"Okay," you whispered. "Could you- could you uh, help me wash off? I don't think I can..."
He didn't make you finish your sentence once he realized you didn't know how to explain your own weakness at the moment. He just nodded, bringing his hands to your arms and rubbing up and down comfortingly.
"Of course."
You nodded, more-so reassuring yourself that this was okay. He was okay. Right? He'd say if he was uncomfortable?
Azriel turned and twisted the faucet to the bathtub, fingers resting under the water that came out until he found the temperature pleasing. The water was clear, thankfully, and the tub looked clean as well.
Once that was filling, he turned to the cabinets you were seated on, bending down and looking through them for any kind of soap and towels. Finding the supplies he was looking for, he set them by the edge of the tub and turned to where you were sitting.
"Arms up?"
His question was hesitant, asking more than if you needed help. Did you want to completely undress? Were you comfortable with him seeing you like this?
You lifted your arms, the weight of your limbs feeling heavy. You wanted to throw up, to go to sleep, to cry.
Azriel's gentle hands moved the fabric up your torso, keeping his touch to the clothing only. Once it was free from your form, you nodded at him to keep going.
He grasped your hips and lifted you to stand, holding onto the majority of your weight when you seemed unstable. His hands gripped your own and brought them to his own torso.
"Hold onto me."
And you did, allowing yourself to lean into his strong form as he unbuttoned your snow-soaked pants and began to pull them down. You rested your head on his chest, turning your face into him to hide your embarrassment at the blood that no doubt coated your pants and your middle.
Tears pricked your eyes at how vulnerable this all was, but you blinked them away as Azriel backed up, your bare form now before him.
His casual look over you wasn't one of lust or desire but of care and concern. He was looking for injuries, hypothermia, anything that would need immediate attention before the bath. When he was satisfied, his gentle touch led you to the edge of the tub, grasping your forearm and helping you ease into the water.
You sank low into the heat, releasing a breath you hadn't known you had been holding from your cramps.
Azriel seemed to notice how you had been holding your breath too. He brought a hand up to push some of the sweat-slicked hair back from your forehead. "Make sure you're breathing, sweetheart."
You nod, closing your eyes and trying to relax through the stabbing in your back.
You could hear the soap bottle cap opening, the sound of liquid meeting a hand, and scrubbing. Peeking an eye open, you see Azriel getting his hands wet and reaching for one of your arms.
"Is this okay?" He asked.
Your heart thumped in your chest. He was too good for you. Better than any male you had ever met.
"Yes. Thank you." Your voice was small, weak in your state, but you both could hear the emotion in it.
"You don't have to thank me," Azriel responded, his hands moving up and down your arm softly before reaching for the other. "I'm sorry you have to go through this."
Humming in response, you sat up so he could help get your back. He was mindful of your comfort, sweeping over any vulnerable or inappropriate places lightly to ensure you were clean but never lingering.
While he washed, he told you stories of Rhys' sister. How when they were younger and she had gotten her first cycle, Rhys hadn't known what to do. None of them had. They thought she was dying, and Rhys' mother had to corral them together into the living room to get them to calm down and stop their panicking. He laughed at the story, and you couldn't help the relaxed giggles of your own.
"I can't imagine the stoic shadowsinger panicking over a girl's cycle."
His lips curved into a soft smile, eyes bright with adoration. "What do you think I'm doing now?"
You looked up at him, smiling. You couldn't believe how comfortable you felt, how normal this all felt. You were completely naked in front of him, completely bare to his touch while he sat clothed next to you, but it felt safe.
"You don't seem too panicked," you tried to tease.
He scoffed. "You should have seen me in the kitchen when we first got here. I was borderline scrambling."
You laughed, and he led you to a sitting position, stroking your back with his fingers lightly. "You ready to get out?"
At your confirmation, he scooped you up into his arms, no doubt getting water everywhere on the floor and also all over his own clothes. You squeaked in protest, but he didn't seem to care, only setting you back onto your feet and wrapping you up tightly in a towel.
Teeth chattering at the newfound cold outside of the bath, you gripped the towel around you, staring up into the bright hazel eyes of the male in front of you. He was still holding you tightly, eyes surveying your form. You wondered what he was thinking in this moment, but you wanted nothing more than to lean forward and let him keep holding you.
His hands moved with the towel, rubbing your arms before bringing the fabric down to your legs.
Right. You needed to get dressed.
"Here we go." Azriel grabbed your spare change of clothes, starting with your underwear. He took some of the makeshift pads he had created, placing one in the underwear before leaning down.
He looked up at you from his knees, and you wanted to frame the image. The sight of this angel, his dark hair messy from the snow, hazel eyes shining with care, on his knees for you, hands open to help take care of you. You wanted to jump on him, kiss him, and never let him stop touching you.
But this was Azriel, and he had never given you any inclination that was something he wanted.
You stepped into the fabric, allowing the shadowsinger to pull it up your legs. Once those were on, he bundled you up in your new shirt before holding the pants in front of you.
"Did you want to wait until we leave for these? They are leathers. I don't want you to be more uncomfortable just for the sake of feeling like you have to wear them."
"I'd rather not."
He nodded, setting them aside before wrapping an arm around your waist and guiding you back to the couch.
You were feeling a little better now that you were clean and not bleeding down your legs, but you still felt drowsy and like someone was hacking your insides apart. On your way back, your knees nearly gave way with the pain of a particular cramp, and you couldn't help the cry that escaped with it.
Azriel caught you swiftly, hiking you back up into his arms.
When he laid you back onto the couch, now covered in blankets with even more on top of you, you looked up at the exhausted male. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said. He sounded genuine, but you couldn't help but feel guilty.
You gritted your teeth through the pain, gripping your abdomen tightly. "I ruined this mission."
"Nothing has been ruined."
He walked over to the fireplace once you were settled, stoking the logs to get the fire rising again. "Well," he continued. "Except your pants."
You couldn't help but laugh, and the shadowsinger actually cracked a smile at the sound. But then you were grimacing, tears coming to your eyes and your breath hitching in your throat at your body's attack on itself.
Azriel frowned, hands twitching at his sides.
"We'll get ahold of Rhys," he reassured. "Get you to Madja."
You tried to breathe through it, knuckles white from gripping the blankets around you. You could hear his footsteps getting closer, feel his heat as he kneeled down next to the couch beside you, feel his strong hands unravel your fingers from the blanket and grip them in his own.
His other hand came up and slowly stroked your hair back, gently weaving his fingers through the strands. Your eyes fluttered shut at the gentle touch, despite how tightly you squeezed his hand.
"I'm okay," you tried to convince him. "It's just a cycle."
You weren't sure why you were trying to downplay your pain so much. Were you trying to come across stronger than you were? To impress him? Did you think he would truly find you weak?
"I've seen fae be out for a full week because of a cycle. Not eating or drinking, just trying to make it through... You don't have to be okay."
And it was as if you needed his permission, because as soon as the words left his mouth, you tilted your head back, eyebrows scrunching in pain, and let the truth flow past your own lips.
"Yeah, it fucking hurts."
He laughed, but the sound was sympathetic. Bringing your hand up to his lips, he placed a gentle kiss there, and you nearly shot up at the action. You tried not to think too much into it but his lips on your skin was something you couldn't just ignore.
"Is there anything else I can do?"
His voice was soft, gentle, reverent. And he was looking at you like he would do anything you asked. Like you could tell him to go sit in the snow for an hour while you basked in the heat, and he would stand up diligently before marching his way into the blizzard.
He looked at you expectantly, and your heart swelled. One day you would tell him. Tell him how you loved him, how you thought that maybe there was something there between you two, something that tied your souls and hearts together.
"I'm still kind of cold," you admitted. "Could you lay with me?"
At first you thought the question was a bit of a risk, something he might not be comfortable with. But then you thought about how you were completely naked before him not even twenty minutes prior, and you felt less embarrassed to ask.
"Are you sure? There's not much room."
You nodded, and he looked down at his own snow-soaked leathers. He grunted in disapproval and discomfort, reaching down and lifting the tight clothing from his body. You nearly gasped at the action, at the toned body that now faced you. Gods, he was beautiful.
He walked away briefly, presumably to gather his other change of clothes. He might have even cleaned up a bit, because when he appeared again, he looked clean and comfortable. And then he was reaching under the blankets to adjust where you laid.
His body sunk into the cushions of the sofa, and he gathered you into his arms until you were halfway on his chest, his soft and clean shirt overwhelming your senses as you curled into him.
You hummed. "This is nice."
His arms were loose around you, but his hand was resting purposefully curled around your side, his fingers inching over onto your abdomen in a protective and comforting gesture. As if he could take your pain away with just a touch.
"Try to rest. We should be able to get back to Velaris in the morning."
You pushed away the pain radiating through your body, the disorientation and dizziness, and instead focused on the warm muscled body underneath you. The way he encased you, the way he made you feel safe and at peace despite your current state. The way he cared for you.
You would tell him soon -- how you felt.
But for now, you buried your face deeper into his chest, your body falling lax against him. For now, you would rest and savor this moment.
For now, you would pretend like he was doing this because he loved you too. And you held onto that until sleep took your pain away.
2K notes · View notes
lewisvinga · 6 months
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birkin mom ! | lando morris x fem! reader
summary: everyone wondered why y/n disappeared from the paddock and stopped posting until lando accidentally revealed something grand
fc; zara janice
warnings; none??
birkin mom pt 2
masterlist !
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landonorris posted on their story!
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 1,002,928 others!
yourusername: surprise ? ( p.s. i was serious when i said i wanted to be a birkin mom ) ( p.p.s. i did yell at lando )
landonorris: i said i’m sorry!
yourusername: baby said u gotta work for it & buy mama a bag
landonorris: she can’t talk yet??
yourusername: ok.
landonorris: WAIT I’M SORRY!
username: y/n said really said “walk him like a dog”
liked by yourusername!
username: oomf was right omg
username: mother (actually)
username: bye not lando apologizing so fast after y/n said ok😭😭
oscarpiastri: congratulations! surprised lando didn’t reveal it sooner he almost exploded!
yourusername: because i made him promise to wait but he broke that promise :)
landonorris: i said i’m sorry💔
username: con😭grat😭ula😭tions😭
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liked by yourusername, mclaren, and 1,403,937 others!
landonorris: the prettiest mom to be 🌷
tagged; yourusername
yourusername: oh lando norris, you know how to make a woman cry 🥹🥹
yourusername: curse you pregnancy hormones!!
yourusername: i forgive you💗💗
yourusername: even if i’m still kind of angry w u
landonorris: i love you too💓
username: HER MATERNITY PICS😍
username: she’s glowing, she’s gonna be such a pretty mom😩
username: imagine the y/n l/n as ur mother omg
mclaren: 🧡🧡
liked by landonorris !
carlossainz55: how is lando having a child when he is a child himself??
yourusername: i’m going to have 2 kids soon, can you believe that??
landonorris: i am a grown man? and responsible?? and a soon to be dad???
yourusername: babe, you wanted to name our baby papaya….
landonorris: it’s literally such a cute name idk what ur talking about
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liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 1,730,028 others!
yourusername & landonorris: welcome to this world, baby norris, mama & dada love you very much 💗
username: i am crying
username: y/n’s smile omg
username: they’re gonna be fantastic parents, i can just tell
danielricciardo: so when can i meet my goddaughter ?
oscarpiastri: who said you were going to be the godfather??
carlossainz55: who said either of you were going to be the godfather?? it’s going to be me
oscarpiastri: ha funny joke !
landonorris: battle to the death!
yourusername: see what i mean when i said i was going to have 2 kids…
username: new grid baby unlocked ✅
mclaren: newest and cutest addition to the papaya army, welcome baby norris!! 🧡🧡
liked by landonorris & yourusername !
username: y/n really manifested being a birkin mom 😭😭😭
username: so excited for mom y/n vlog content!
yourusername posted to their story !
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3K notes · View notes