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#i am not having a good day
pastafossa · 1 year
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I don't understand how people do this, how do I do this without the headphones to block noise, you just sit and concentrate on your task even though your clothes are noisy and the light is too loud??? You don't hear the furnace the neighbor is fixing 5 houses down??? You ignore the leaves on the street, each rustle needing to be catalogued by your brain as if they are visiting dignitaries and you are security tasked with knowing their location at all times in case of hostiles??? You don't do that???
Witchcraft.
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medicalunprofessional · 4 months
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shameful
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dwarvendiaries · 29 days
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Having a cold is seriously annoying because you’ll feel like your head been tightened twice in a G-clamp. t Then you’ll blow your nose and and it’ll feel like the world’s become 5 times more vivid and you can here 2times further. Then that feeling will slowly fade until you repeat again in 5 minutes
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Oh my god I'm going to lose my mind.
Back in Fall of 2017, I auditioned for a local professional choir. I got in, I joined up, yippee. I did the fall/winter season and then returned for the spring season, and it was fun. I did choir my entire life growing up, audition/honor choir 12-18, and musical theater in college. I had missed singing with other people a lot, and it seemed like a good opportunity to be social and get to sing in a group. I even got a few solos; good times.
Fast forward to Fall of 2018. I return for the fall/winter season. Shit is hitting the fan with my grandmother and that whole situation. My mental health is in the gutter. My self esteem tanked out entirely. I was barely making it through. Then the conductor starts introducing "choreography" and I tried, I really did, but I ended up leaving rehearsals (repeatedly) in tears because I was so embarrassed. Finally I hit a breaking point and went "I can't do this anymore, I need to get myself together". So I made my apologies, notified the proper people, and withdrew from the choir. Thought about going back in 2019... didn't. Then COVID hit, and things went virtual for 2+ years. I wasn't interested. Then my mom got hurt, and I have essentially been a caretaker since then. My time was not my own. The choir started meeting in person again this January. I missed singing. I missed the people. I rejoined. Six weeks later, my uncle got sick and died very suddenly. It was extremely traumatic for my family. I became overwhelmed emotionally and in regards to time management. When it became clear I was going to miss more than three rehearsals, I made my apologies and withdrew from the choir, but always with the intention to return for the Fall season. This is something I made explicitly clear to the conductor, the manager, and the staff as a whole. Then in August, my grandmother died very suddenly. Far less emotional fallout, but my time was-- once again-- not my own. I had no idea what dates or deadlines we'd be dealing with, what all needed to be done, etc. but I knew we would have to clean out their apartment, move my grandfather in with family, and handle all of the post-death bureaucracy. The choir season started; I did not join. One week later, everything wound up resolved and wrapped up and I realized I really miss choir and will be able to make rehearsals, at least September - December... so I send a message to the conductor asking if it's alright that I return. No response. I messaged a friend who is in the choir and she told me to just come to rehearsal (something that is done all the time). I notified the manager and relevant staff, filled out the paperwork, and went to rehearsal. I had the most fun I've had in weeks. People were excited to see me, and I them. The music for this season is gorgeous and it felt good to remember that I can look at music and know how it reads and how to perform it. It felt good to remember another language I speak outside of writing alone in my room: music. I went out for drinks after with one of my closer friends in the group and we chatted for hours. I made plans to hang out with a few others, and I got excited about the prospect of the retreat this weekend, spending a whole day working on music in a beautiful building instead of the usual pre-birthday sobbing alone in my room for three straight days. And then the conductor emailed me. I am certain I'm reading too much into it, but it basically said, "You're a flake and I want you to think long and hard about the commitment you're willing to make to this choir." And she CC'd the new head of the organization, a woman who has never met or spoken to me. All the good feelings instantly vanished. I'm sad and frustrated and angry. I waited a while, and cried a lot. I drafted a few different replies. I finally returned her email (and CC'd the same person so she'd see my reply as well). I politely but pointedly said "I had two deaths in the family this year unexpectedly, which changed my schedule dramatically in a way that was out of my hands. I did ask your permission to come back, but since you didn't reply I figured it was better not to miss another rehearsal than to wait on an answer. Let me know what you want me to do. If it's preferable I'll just return the music ASAP and remove myself from the roster."
I'm not going to the retreat on Saturday. I'm convinced I made up all of the positive reactions to my presence in my head and now am wondering if people asked her to try to get me to leave because they probably don't like me, anyway. I'm reviewing and overthinking every interaction I had, and I keep coming back to standing in a group of a few of us, looking for an excuse to go out to dinner or karaoke, and one of them saying, "Well my birthday is October 3rd." I said, "And mine is September 24th!" (which is stupid and I should not have said anything and I hate that I said anything at all). And then they just continued, "Oh, yeah let's go out for (other girl's) birthday!" and that was that. And I do not like my birthday. I do not want to do anything for my birthday. It's already miserable and it hasn't even come yet. But now, of course, in my head it's like, "No shit, Sherlock. No one gives a fuck about you or your birthday, just keep your fucking mouth shut, idiot." When the conductor finally replied to my email, she basically just said that they expect singers to commit September - June, and not much else. I feel like I'm out of ways to say, "I can give you September - December, but I can't promise anything past that. If that's not ok, please tell me now." I just want her to tell me, because if *I* make the decision to leave based on what she's saying, I'll look like I'm proving her right and flaking out. But if she tells me, hey, sorry, that's not gonna work then I can at least be like, "Oh, there were logistical issues." So now I'm just stuck in this spiral of: no one likes you, no one wants you around, everyone thinks you're unreliable and a bad friend and annoying, just shut the fuck up and go away and for the love of god stop trying.
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back-from-hell-again · 6 months
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we had to make the executive decision to take out Seb's eyebrow bar. he'll be sad about it but it's rejecting and it's infected and it hurts. so unfortunately we had to do that. maybe we can get it re-pierced for him someday.
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jamesmaddisons · 4 months
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my friend is running late so we’ve pushed the meal we’ve booked back and thank god because one of my false lashes just fully fell off on the train so i need to go to boots lmao
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captaindibbzy · 5 months
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Ooo. They almost got time then. Lol. Nope. We are not arguing with goblins on the internet. We're blocking them and walking away.
I am, however, reminded that I'm so fucking glad I turned anon asks off months ago.
These moss crumpets accuse me of being a Terf and perpetually online and then think it's acceptable to talk like that to a stranger. Imagine.
Me: respect people's pronouns even if they're not what you think they should be.
Them: you're a TERF.
Ass backwards fucking used chewing gum fart bubbles.
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itsevanffsbutspam · 5 months
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i am bashing my head against the wall STOP UPDATING THE UIS THERE'S NO FUCKING ISSUE WITH THE UIS STOP DOING IT UNLESS WE TELL YOU HEY THERE'S AN ISSUE WITH THIS UI PLEASE CHANGE IT/GIVE THE OPTION TO CHANGE IT THEN STOP MOVING SHIT AROUND!! STOP MAKING THINGS WEIRD AND SLEEK IT WAS FINE BEFORE
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professional-termite · 5 months
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i slept in a chair last night and now my back hurted. OW OW OW
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iamthemaestro · 6 months
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don't you just love when just about anything triggers a different problem in your brain
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arctasy · 9 months
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shoutout to queer people queer people are so cool and awesome i love queer people
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pagerunner-j · 8 months
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Being stressed out and overwhelmed and crying in front of strangers in your own home is not an experience I’d recommend.
Neither is still going through days of home repairs (again) or having the sale of your childhood home delayed because some asshole at a bank refuses to believe you’re allowed to sell it unless you send a bunch of additional documentation that should not be necessary, necessitating a whole lot of phone tag with real estate agents, the title company, and lawyers trying to figure out how to fix it.
Ostensibly there’s a game plan in place now, but I’m so exhausted and so miserable about all of it, because this hurts. It’s not even about the money at this stage (although sure, I’d like to have it, because I want to move out of my place with its fucked-up water pipes that keep causing problems — although I still can’t really go anywhere until the three months of deck and stairwell repair are done, because that’s happening too, and who else would want to deal with that?).
Above all, though, I want this to be over. The emotional burden is doing me in.
You’d think being the only child of two people who declared you as their only beneficiary would make this process simple, but I GUESS FUCKING NOT.
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touchlikethesun · 1 year
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how long do you think it took sirius to learn not to cry in front of walburga? and how long until he taught regulus not to either?
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theflyingkipper · 2 years
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who needs psychedelics when I can just completely trip out sober in the middle of my room
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cyberspaceoddity · 10 months
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Why is having other people in the kitchen so STRESSFUL
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catgirlwheels · 2 years
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Sometimes you simply cannot rate your pain a 10 because like, you could always be hurting more. This isn't the worst pain that could ever happen. What if all of this plus my hand was broken?
Sometimes you go to imagine how things could be worse and all you can think is that the extra pain might be a nice distraction actually.
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