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#i am invested in these fictional relationships already and i am not liking this suspense at all
theweeklydiscourse · 2 months
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Ok I’ve already discussed this passage before but I’m going to talk about it again because I can’t get it off my mind.
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The fundamental issue with this passage is that it feels distinctly out of place as something Zoya would say. When I call this line 'unnatural' or 'out of place' I am mostly referring to the phrasing of Zoya's statement as opposed to the contents of it. This is because what she's saying is technically true, the Darkling did do those things and he has readily admitted to it. But, Zoya's particular choice of words makes her retort break the reader's immersion and exposes Leigh Bardugo's authorial hand.
To begin, I'd like to point to what Zoya decides to lead with in her retort. She starts by directly referencing the Darkling's relationship with Alina and characterizes it as one founded on manipulation and a motive to 'steal her power' a sentiment that is to be expected given the general tone of ROW. This element of Zoya's statement elicited an eyebrow raise from me because it seemed so unusual for her to place the manipulation of (1) girl above the Darkling's more severe crimes. So why does Zoya lead with a crime against Alina in her indictment of the Darkling? Why is that the first thing she mentions? Especially when, in the very next sentence she references an attack that killed her treasured Aunt and was the catalyst to her defection from the Darkling's forces.
Zoya didn't have a particularly close relationship with Alina, so she's not expressing offense on Alina's behalf. Zoya has never been shown as a person who was invested in Alina's emotional anguish during S&B. Zoya didn't have a similar experience that resonated with Alina's and led her to be especially sympathetic. It's strange as hell for someone like Zoya to bring up that relationship BEFORE she talks about the slaughter of innocent civilians. There's no reason why she would emphasize that particular crime, unless...
It wasn't Zoya speaking at all, she was just a mouthpiece for the author.
For a moment, the curtain slips to reveal the creator's hand, and the suspension of disbelief is henceforth broken. Obviously, Bardugo would prioritize the supposed "manipulation" of Alina by the Darkling over the mass killing of a bunch of nameless civilians. To an author, the manipulation and deception of a main character would be far more consequential than hundreds of disposable extras. But would that same logic apply to a character who exists within her fictional world?
I might be having a tin foil hat moment but…I can’t resist the opportunity to do a close reading of the text. Plus, this line is so irritating that I HAVE to try and explain why.
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foxounderscorecube · 1 year
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Foul Lady Fortune - Chloe Gong
4½ ⭐
This was a good story!
I don't read many spy novels, so I don't know if it was especially tropey or anything like that, but the political climate in this book is so complex and really fun to try to unpick. I think there's a lot of foreshadowing and breadcrumb trails that'll be more obvious on a re-read - there was certainly enough of that that I was able to piece some bits together (and feel very proud of myself for doing so!), which was really cool.
The romance element is incredibly cute and agh, they were both so silly… I wanted to be like "just kiss!" except they'd already kissed. "Just kiss but with your real feelings", I guess? On the face of it, where it's ice queen and playboy and oh no, they have to pretend to be married, I'm sure they certainly won't catch feelings, it didn't really appeal to me, but their relationship grew naturally and I got really invested in it. When it turned out Orion was the one committing the attacks, and his guilt and horror at what he'd done - not just in general, but also how he'd betrayed Rosalind - ah, pain! Just awful!
I think the only thing that I wasn't a big fan of was that, although the vast majority of the twists were great, I wasn't wholly convinced by the reveal at the end. Maybe on a re-read it'll seem less like it was pulled out of Gong's arse that Orion's mum was behind it, but as is, it was just kind of like. Oh. Huh. Whereas a lot of the other reveals I responded to out loud or at least did a :O kind of face, you know? Nonetheless, I am absolutely going to read the sequel because I HAVE to know what happens next.
Phoebe/Feiyi is the best character. Absolute brilliance in bimbo form. A queen. Her being Priest was a reveal that I didn't see coming, but makes perfect sense. So in character for her - right down to her acting jealous that Silas was listening to recordings of Priest so often. I love her. I'm a big fan of Alisa, too, and Celia and Oliver are adorable together. Honestly, I enjoyed all the characters a lot - and the fact that you're perpetually side-eyeing all of them because there's so many double-agents and secrets and layers to everything.
One thing I will comment on, although I don't know if it's a piece of criticism or not myself, is that I thought some of Rosalind's poison weapons were a bit silly. They were good fun and I liked them, but for a book that overall seems to want to be taken seriously, it seems a bit too campy and pulp fiction-y to have, like, heels that snap off and if you hit them just right a dagger comes out; or an entire blowgun and darts that are just sneakily hidden in a qipao. Most of them are just fine with a little suspension of disbelief, but a few are like, okay, you had fun thinking this up and I'm glad, but come on.
Basically, I liked this novel a lot. I do think it could have been a bit shorter, maybe? but then again, I suppose better that than it feeling rushed.
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fairytale-lights · 3 years
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In the book I'm reading the main characters have separate love interests from each other already and I am so incredibly nervous that they are going to break up those relationships and put the main characters together
I like the main characters and their love interests as characters and I really like the relationships they already have too. I don't know why the author would've set up these relationships before if she was just going to break them up, and based on the fact that the characters actually get along well and love each other and have reasons for it, I logically don't think she will. If she's really just trying to create suspense for what will happen, it's working
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kelasparmak · 3 years
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hello! might i ask for podcast recs? literally anything ! i trust your taste xxxx
Awwww, you! I’ve kept the descriptions short because there’s a LOT, but I’ve given you genre/vibe because I’m not sure which aspect of my taste you like. Also it’s still very long so sticking it under a cut.
Campaign Podcast: Always my number one rec. Improv comedians play a TTRPG and chaos predictably ensues. There’s two campaigns, Star Wars and Skyjacks, the first one is complete and the second one is ongoing – they have slightly different vibes (think TAZ Balance vs Amnesty, I guess). VERY funny and will occasionally punch you in the heart.
Wooden Overcoats: Very funny, frequently heartwarming, excellent acting. Easy to get through (there’s 3 seasons with ~8 episodes each) and even though the characters are usually very stressed and in ridiculous situations, it feels pretty low stakes to listen to so it’s a fun one for if you’re stressed.
Caravan: Western/fantasy which I don’t think is actually a comedy but is still frequently very funny. Great acting, very fun and relatable protagonist who just keeps on choosing compassion over violence. Thoughtful coverage of mental illness, being brown and queer, and sexy vampires. 18+ but not super smutty and has content warnings.
The Strange Case of Starship Iris: Sci-fi drama about revolution and found family. The plot is pretty serious and involves galaxy-level stakes, but/and the series is very much driven by very well-written and realistic human connection right from the start – it’s very good at making you-the-listener genuinely invested in what happens. Loads of queer characters and the crew has two South Asian women, an East Asian woman, a trans Jewish man, and a nonbinary character. I probably don’t need to tell you this, but the world of popular audio fiction is Pretty White, so it’s nice to see podcasts where that’s not the case esp in genre fiction.
Victoriocity: Drama/comedy set in an alternate universe London. Feels very Discworld – really inventive worldbuilding, fun twisty plot, political intrigue, hilarious deadpan narrator, great acting.
In Strange Woods: Musical about grief, trauma, and how small and powerless humans are compared to nature. Really, really good. You’ll cry. It’s  a quick listen – 5 episodes, all less than an hour long.
Oblivity: Sci-fi drama comedy, very funny, very found family. You’ll be surprised how much you care about the characters given how stupid it is.
Alice Isn’t Dead: You’ve probably been recommended this already but it bears repeating. Really well-written, acted and produced. This one’s not got a lot of humour in which isn’t usually my preference, but it’s really good. It’s got a lot of the Something’s Not Right energy of Nightvale, but goes full creepy with it. Really immersive but maybe not one you’d binge or listen to right before bed...
Greater Boston: Drama more than comedy but also deeply funny. Lots of apparently separate stories converging, clever writing (really good at giving a massive cast of characters distinct personalities), really emotionally impactful coverage of topics like grief, racial inequality, addiction, classism and more, doesn’t try to give easy answers but is also very focused on community power and optimism. Also there are cheese robots.
We Fix Space Junk: Sci-fi drama comedy, very anticapitalist, big found family feelings. Lots of fun, job-of-the-week episodic format makes it a relatively low-focus thing, even when the stakes are high it feels very safe to listen to, and the characters are v likeable (even the ones you really wouldn’t have expected).
Girl In Space: Sci-fi drama, found family and revolution, you may be noticing a pattern. It’s a lot of fun, the protagonist is super likeable and draws you in from the start. For Vorkosigan Saga fans, if you liked Shards of Honour, you’ll like this. Deals with fraught parental relationships, grief, loneliness, anti-imperialism, and more, but even though the stakes are high I didn’t find it stressful to listen to.
Death By Dying: Dark surreal drama. I don’t know if I’d call it a comedy per se but it’s very funny. Big Nightvale vibes. Deals with grief and mental illness pretty prominently, but in a very reassuring way.
The Prickwillow Papers: Fantasy drama. Lots of fun and incredible voice acting. Deals with the difficulty of letting yourself be helped, coping with guilt, and not being ‘special’. Features the most cantankerous fae you’ve ever encountered. I love her.
Middle:Below: It has GHOSTS it has CATS it has a PICARDIGAN. What more do you need to know? It’s a lot of fun to listen to, often funny and sometimes genuinely spooky (which hits all the harder for how chilled out and cosy it feels most of the time).
Mabel: Dark fantasy drama. Really poetic, well-acted, really good at suspense. Very cool modern take on changeling/fae mythology. Not much humour and very intense, which is not my thing at all, and I’ll be honest I didn’t find it an easy listen, so it took me a long time to get through it. But it’s really good and it’s definitely worth checking out, I did enjoy it, it’s just not necessarily one you’d want to de-stress to at the end of the day.
The Amelia Project: Drama/comedy about an agency that helps people fake their deaths. Great voice acting, very fun, and I really enjoy how international it is. Uses the episodic ‘client of the week’ format in combination with big picture plot in a really engaging way. Feels a bit Leverage-y especially because of how clever/absurd the plans are.
Harlem Queen: Drama set in the Harlem Renaissance. Another serious one, and deals explicitly with heavy issues including racism and violence, without much reprieve in the form of soft moments or humour. But it’s very well-made and worth a listen, and there’s not a lot of it.  
The Orphans: Sci-fi drama. Expansive space opera type show with mindblowing amounts of worldbuilding. Revolution, ethics of cloning, anticapitalist, etc. Not a comedy but has some really funny bits. You’ll need to pay attention especially because it starts off with a pretty big cast of characters who don’t refer to each other by name super often and many of them have similar voices. But don’t worry too much about that – you’ll still know what’s going on even if you can’t tell them apart for the first few episodes, and you’ll be able to tell at least some of them apart.
Midst: I’m only a few episodes in but I’m enjoying it so far! Cool worldbuilding, really interesting collaborative narration/storytelling, not a comedy per se but often funny.
I Am In Eskew: Surreal horror, mostly psychological. It’s another Nightvale-y one but again without really any of the humour. It’s really good, but I’ll be honest, I’ve only listened to about 10 episodes so far, even though I started it ages ago.
 ….and probably lots more that I’m forgetting? I listen to less stuff at the moment because I’m working pretty much all the time, so anything I need to really focus on or that’s emotionally challenging is p much out of the question.
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nnegan13 · 4 years
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Okay, so the Boat Scene (as I am hereby calling it): chock full of symbolism and metaphors and it’s making me yell, quite frankly. 
Given that this is a period romance, each interaction between designated or potential love interests should be looked at with a Romantic Lens, which is how I drew these metaphors. I am no expert at script writing or directing or filming or anything involved with TV production, plus it’s really late and my brain isn’t working super well anymore lmao. Forgive me for not being the most coherent I’ve ever been. 
I’ve written a transcript of the dialogue as well as actions I find significant to the scene. It can be found here, along with where I use it in this meta. The video of the scene can be found here (ok it’s not working in my drive but I'm leaving it there in hopes that I'll remember to come back to it in the morning). also bc tumblr hates me I've put this all in a doc that has the original formatting I used if you want to, like, not be as confused as the tumblr formatting of this meta will make you lmao. 
now to the meta. @viviansternwood thanks for being my excuse to do this  lmaooo <3
The scene occurs in four shifts: rowing, rivers, boats, and rowing again. 
Shift the first: rowing 
Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  C: I’m no expert.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you. S: I wonder.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 
The dialogue is innocent enough, but the metaphor can be drawn looking at this line from Sidney: 
S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.
In years should immediately draw attention, given that Sidney also hasn’t been in a relationship since his with Eliza, years ago. With this connection, the metaphor that rowing skill is romantic skill is established. The scene reads much differently now: 
Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  —> Do I look ready for a relationship? I mean, in your opinion?  C: I’m no expert.  —> I don’t know, I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m no expert on them.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. —> I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on romance either, I haven’t been in a relationship in years.  Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you.  —> *thinking about the fact that his last girlfriend is back* I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you to work it out again.  S: I wonder.  —> *thinking about everything that’s gone wrong with Charlotte rather than Eliza in any capacity* I doubt it.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 
Now for the oars. I’m real big on word definitions so: 
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Oars are specifically used to propel boats through the water. Sidney takes a set, Charlotte takes a set, they both end up in the boat. Onto shift two. 
Shift Two: the river and philosophy 
Since the romantic lens is already applied to this scene, we can just look straight at the dialogue without establishing the romantic connection.  
Charlotte begins to turn back to the tent.  —> Sidney sees her leaving and immediately calls her back. Like literally look at the video I’m gonna attach to the end of this and just scream. As soon as he sees her turn around he launches into this concept like, Sidney, dude, you’re not being subtle.  S: A man cannot step into the same river twice, you ever heard that?  —> I don’t think I can get back together with Eliza. Do you understand why?  Both sets of oars are now placed in the boat. During the last line, Sidney put Charlotte’s oars down as he spoke.  —> think of the definition of oars while I hold you in suspense for Shift the Third C: He is not the same man and it is not the same river.  —> You are not the same and neither is Eliza.  Sidney smiles.  —> Damn you understand me better than I understand myself.  C: It’s Heraclitus.  —> I have to cite my sources that aren’t my personal investments in your romantic life.  S: Yes. Of course you’d know that. Well— —> The fact that you know that pleases me to absolutely no end. 
Metaphor established: the river is Eliza and Sidney’s relationship, Sidney can’t step back into it because he is a different man. 
According to this neat philosophy website, Heraclitus’s original quote is more like  
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Which apparently means something like this:  
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Which in the context of our dear Sidney and Charlotte means that over the years, since personalities are not stagnant and people do change, Sidney “stepping into” Eliza would prompt not Sidney and Eliza getting back together, but Sidney turning toward Charlotte instead. 
Here’s the mental math bc I’m still a little confused (I’m not a philosopher, clearly): 
River = Eliza  River also is the same according to Heraclitus  Heraclitus also said “not everything is changing, but because some things (ie, Sidney) change, other things come into existence (ie, Sidney and Charlottes relationship) 
So, basically, the Heraclitus quote on the surface level is saying that Sidney and Eliza are two different people, so their relationship won’t work anymore, and on a deeper level (ie, fucking looking up the context of the Heraclitus quote for a meta about fictional characters) it’s saying that because Eliza hasn’t changed but Sidney has, Sidney and Charlotte’s relationship sprung into existence rather than Sidney staying the same with Eliza. 
If you don’t get the deeper level, it’s cool bc I also don’t really get the deeper level. The surface level works just fine for this conversation lmao. 
Shift the Third: boat 
Now, the third metaphor drawn is that of boats. Our Romance Lenses are on. 
Sidney unlashes the boat.  —> It’s already been established Sidney is Looking for Romance through the line “do I look ready to you?” Him unlashing the boat is him establishing that he’s trying to enter a relationship. He himself is unsure of exactly what he’s doing, but the fact that the scene is happening with Charlotte instead of with Eliza is pretty telling. He’s more unsure of what to do that who he’s doing it with. If you can’t tell, I have zero doubts about who Sidney has feelings for and who he doesn’t have feelings for.  S: —I need a second person to balance the boat, would you mind?  —> *Sidney, knowing that his relationship with Charlotte has been touch and go, realizes that he needs to be clear through all of this and establish that he does want her* I can’t exactly have a relationship by myself, do you want to do this with me?  He offers her his hand to help her get into the boat.  —> before this he looked away, which is where I got the idea that he realized the undertones/my meta of the situation as it was playing out. Gotta look away to compose yourself before asking the love of your life if she wants to get in a relationship with you, amirite?  C: I’m not sure if I —  —> Sidney, you confuse the ever-living hell out of me, I don’t even know if I’m the person you want to be with— S: Come on.  —> Charlotte, please, I want you.  Charlotte, unsure, gets into the boat, grabbing one of Sidney’s hands. His other hand goes to her waist. She rushes a little, and rocks the boat. He does not let go until the boat is steady again. —> The rocking of the boat is tell-tale of Charlotte’s character, she often rushes into situations without thinking them through, similar to how she gets onto the boat in a bit of a rush and it rocks. Sidney doesn’t let go of her waist until the boat steadies. Even with my interpretation of what Sidney said, Charlotte’s uncertainty means Sidney needs to be more explicit.  S: Careful. Sit down behind you.  —> It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m here for you, it’s not just you here in this thing, I’m gonna be with you the whole time.  Sidney pats her hand before letting it go. He sets an oar in place, pushes them off, and starts rowing. —> He gives her a reassuring pat on the hand before letting her go. He lets her know where the best place to sit is, essentially reassuring here that he’s there to help her. The oar’s purpose is to propel the boat, Sidney sets the boat in motion.  
Jumping out of that last one to collect my thoughts. Since the boat is a metaphor for their relationship, Sidney is essentially asking Charlotte to enter into a romantic relationship with him (“I need a second person to balance the boat” meaning he can’t be in a relationship by himself). The entire way into the boat, Sidney is there to reassure Charlotte she isn’t going to fall into the water: they grasp hands, he takes a hold of her waist, he waits for the boat to stop rocking, directs her to where she can sit, and then lets go when they both know she’s not going to fall. 
Finally to the oars. Oars are meant to propel the boat forward and steer it through the water. Since the boat is the relationship, the oar is a metaphor for the effort put toward propelling the relationship ahead. Sidney first rows, as we can see from 1.06 and other bits of 1.07: he asks Charlotte to come to the ball with him, he stays by her side for the beginning of the party and only leaves when he has to help Tom. I assume once he was done he went to find wherever Charlotte went, and immediately asked her to dance. “I don’t want to dance with anyone else,” “I might wait for you downstairs if you don’t mind” (into 1.07 territory, now) C: you’re not nearly as unfeeling as you pretend “Well, if that is the case, I would ask you to keep it to yourself, I have a reputation to uphold.” (the fact that Charlotte is the only one to know he’s a big softie,,,,,,the implications of it all, also he’s establishing a teasing relationship with her here), plus everyone’s favorite from the end of the episode that I’m including just because it’s my meta and I want to lmao “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” 
He’s been doing the metaphorical romantic rowing (and for good reason, Charlotte’s been the one all season to fix their misunderstandings with one another, so he needs to step up lmao), and so he puts in the oar first and rows first. 
Shift Four: rowing, again 
Now that rowing has been established as a metaphor for the propulsion of their romantic relationship, the undertones of the physicality in this shift come out just as much as the undertones of the dialogue of this shift do. 
S: May I ask you something, Miss Heywood? Why is it, that when I finally have a chance at happiness, I cannot accept the fact?  —> Literally the girl I was going to marry is back and yet I can’t get myself to date her C: What is it that you cannot accept?  —> I want to die low-key over the fact that we’re talking about your ex, but I’m a good person so I’m going to help you talk through this. Also I want to know what you’re thinking.  S: I had convinced myself I was destined to remain alone, that I was ill-suited for matrimony. —> I thought I was gonna die alone but now I have trouble believing that? And coincidentally that trouble started up when I met you  C: I don’t believe that anybody is truly ill-suited to marriage, not even you. —> It hurts that you think you won’t get married because look at your face. Also I’m taking a jab at you because that’s how our relationship works. Also what the fuck do you think ill-suited means? Marriage isn’t a job that you have to have certain qualities for.  Sidney laughs.  —> I’m gonna get into the difference between matrimony and marriage below okay? Prepare yourself. Also Sidney has a thing for teasing big time.  C: I supposed it’s just a question of compatibility  —> Ill-suited doesn’t even mean what you think it means, you’ve got to try at marriage Sidney and just because your ex dumped you and is back now doesn’t mean you automatically have to get back with her. Destiny isn’t real. Marriage is about finding someone you work well with, not fulfilling some fairytale, destiny, fate thing.  S: Yes. I supposed you’re right. Now, its your turn, give me your hands.  —> I’m in love with you, just a little bit. Now let me teach you the art of metaphorical rowing.  They start rowing together. Both watch the progression of the oars to make sure it’s going smoothly.  —> Rowing has been established as propulsion of the relationship, Sidney is showing Charlotte that he wants her to row, he wants her to be a participant in their boat of a relationship.  S: Roll/row your hands. Good.  —> Sidney has seen here that Charlotte’s rowing works with his, he’s telling her that her rowing is working for him and for their boat.  Charlotte takes a moment to watch her rowing.  —> She’s looking to see what he’s seeing.  S: That’s it. Yeah, keep your back straight.  —> More reaffirmations that what she’s doing is working for him, that this is what he wants and that she’s doing great. Also an excuse to touch her because they’re both repressed horny on main this is a period romance and all touching automatically charges a scene both for the audience and for the characters. Sidney wants Charlotte to get that this is romantic.  Sidney touches her waist, she readjusts herself, he smiles. They’re both smiling wide, Sidney is laughing, Charlotte looks sure of herself for the first time in that scene. Camera cuts wide to show them on the boat together. Sidney lets go and Charlotte rows by herself. Eliza enters the scene and when it cuts back to the boat, they’re both rowing together again. When Sidney looks over when she calls, he’s smiling. Eliza looks unsure of herself. —> got slightly carried away on that last little bit but imagine the stuff about the waist touch down here. Now that Sidney’s reassured her, Charlotte’s uncertainty disappears, she looks sure of herself for the first time in the whole scene because Sidney has given clear indications that he wants to be with Charlotte which is what makes the entire scene with Eliza and Lady Susan later that much more heartbreaking she’s finally been given indication that her feelings are returned, that she’s not foolish for feeling as she is. When Sidney lets go, it’s an indication that the next batch of romantic rowing (beyond the end of the episode) is going to be done by Charlotte because of his declaration at the end of the episode. The camera cuts to Eliza but when it cuts back to the boat, they’re rowing together again, indicating that they’re together in what they’re feeling and that their relationship and feelings are strong. Sidney is fucking smiling when he looks over at Eliza on the shore because he was smiling at Charlotte when Eliza called to him. If their feelings weren’t strong, why would Eliza be looking so worried about the race she only entered because she knew she would win? 
Okay I kind of got carried away explaining in that last bullet point but you get the picture. Sidney rows first because he initiates the romantic development of their relationship (as in the development that can be looked at in universe, not just by the audience, as romantic), them rowing together is an affirmation that they’re on the same page (for the moment, soon ruined by the appearance of Eliza and Sidney’s loyalty and politeness to meaningful people in his life), and Charlotte rowing by herself is an indication that in the end, the decision is hers to add to the propulsion of the boat (ie decide whether or not she wants to be with Sidney), because the boat can’t be rowed by a single person. 
Now into the discussion of matrimony versus marriage.   
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The definition of matrimony focuses on the ceremony of being wed, whereas marriage focuses on the partnership and relationship aspect of being wed. Sidney says he didn’t believe he was suited for matrimony, as in the ceremony. He focuses on the formal action because that’s what it’s meant in his life. The one woman he wanted to marry left him for someone with more money, clearly teaching him that marriage is a business transaction, not something romantic. Charlotte uses the word marriage, which emphasizes the actual relationship itself and being with another person, because she’s a romantic. She’s shown time and time again her belief in love throughout the season. Sidney doesn’t think he can participate in the business of matrimony, whereas Charlotte believes he can experience marriage and romance as long as he finds someone he is compatible with. Lads, 
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Harmony brings us back to balance (“I need a second person to balance the boat”). Together brings us back to the rowing. 
Other thoughts/observations outside the shifts 
competitors: Stringer and Sidney, Eliza and Charlotte 
“Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.” —> call back to their conversation in 1.06, Charlotte calls him unfeeling, he says his life would’ve been easier if he was unfeeling, the romantic metaphor of the rowing shows that this line also means that Sidney regrets, at this moment for reasons we as the audience don’t know yet Charlotte, wishes he’d had romance in his life between when Eliza left him and now. 
“Of course you’d know that.” —> in-conversation kicking himself for underestimating her 
The rowing is a test of their compatibility. Idk if I got that in during all of that up there, but it’s late so I don’t feel like checking atm. 
He’s so gentle with her throughout the entire scene. He knows being abrasive is just going to get both of them angry, and while that can be productive for their development (try to tell me it’s not, please), it’s not at the moment because it involves pushing away before coming to a better understanding. He wants to skip the pushing part, and also Sidney is just Soft™ deep down, especially with Charlotte when they’re not at odds. 
Also the balancing, their entire development throughout the season has been about them balancing their extreme characteristics 
In conclusion 
The entire boat scene is a metaphor for Sidney asking Charlotte to be with him and Charlotte being unsure because his ex-fiancee is literally here (and he literally was the one to bring her to Sanditon) and Charlotte and Sidney’s relationship has always been a bit rocky. If Eliza hadn’t shown up when she had, I’m sure that boat ride would’ve ended with Charlotte feeling a lot more confident with where she stands with Sidney. 
Since Sidney was confident with his feelings the entire time, he feels comfortable enough to make the Heraclitus joke/reference in conversation with Charlotte later, but Eliza hijacks it and turns it from a nice moment between Charlotte and Sidney into a moment of competition, which sours the conversation in a similar way that Stringer and Sidney’s conversation after the boat race is soured when Stringer brings up “the prize he wanted.” 
Even though I’m annoyed that Eliza interrupted their boat ride, I think it was necessary so that the conversation later could go as it did (also this meta about that convo is great) and so Stringer and Sidney’s conversation could go ask it did and because it allowed Eliza to think she had “won,” so to speak, and prompt her to talk to Sidney. All three of those interactions influence how Sidney was feeling and ultimately culminated in Sidney going to Charlotte that night and saying “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” So while it sucks that it was interrupted, it was ultimately necessary for Sidney to confess and put Charlotte in the position of choosing (ie, rowing by herself) next episode. 
And I guess the conclusion to this conclusion is that the Boat Scene was fully of heavy romantic metaphor and symbolism, Sidney is a hundred percent into Charlotte and Charlotte only and he was even when Eliza showed up, he just needed time and a few gentle kicks to the head (Eliza being rude about Charlotte constantly, seeing that Stringer is interested in Charlotte, seeing Charlotte’s uncertainty about his feelings) to shake off the residual feelings for an ex-fiancee that your family won’t let go about you guys being destined to be together again, and Charlotte gets to choose if she wants to be with him next episode. And I’ve got a feeling she’s going to decide she wants to. 
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sometimesrosy · 5 years
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i love bellarke, and i was just wondering what actually makes them great for each other? why are they so good together? all my love!
I had to stop and consider this ask because this is not really the way I think about it. Clarke and Bellamy are not real people, so there is no “good for each other” about their relationship. They aren’t “good together” the way two real people would be, because they are created specifically to act against each other for the purpose of the narrative. I get why you’re saying that, because we relate to the fictional characters we see on screen as if they are real, but I don’t love Bellarke because i find their relationship aspirational. It’s far too tragic and painful for that, and rocky. I’d prefer Marper’s story, dependable, not narratively interesting, peaceful, true. 
BUT the question of what makes them such a good love story? That’s a different thing all together. And I need to be clear that this is why they are good for ME, not for everyone, because I do not consider their story to be a typical romance story, which tend to be a lot slighter and simpler, more focused on the resolution of getting the couple together than on BUILDING the relationship. Which I also enjoy, but this love story seems to be on another level for me, and THAT’S what makes it a good love story for me. 
Their relationship is the center of the non-romantic story. Who they are together REFLECTS the main intentions and journey of the fate of humanity. They need to be together because HUMANITY needs to be together. As Bellarke get closer, we reach for unity among our characters. And I like that macro/micro repetition of the theme.
Their relationship is shown through symbolism and allusions to many other archetypal stories. Yin/Yang, Sun/Moon, Chess King/Queen, Penelope/Odysseus, Rapunzel/Eugene-Flynn, The Head and The Heart.
Their relationship has continuously been given a LOT of attention, very patiently and slowly. That is hollywood commitment. I love the way it built up every season, from antagonists, to respect, trust, friendship, need, care, protect, devoted, believe, centers, etc and we haven’t even gotten to the typical romance yet, but their love for each other is evident without any of the kiss/confess/sex. Fandom may be frustrated by the lack, but I ENJOY the development and the recognition that real love is deep and a LOT more than the superficialities of words, kisses or even sex. Yes those can all be used to deepen a relationship, but a relationship like Bellarke is already deeper than most fictional love stories. Consummation of their relationship will actually be a RELIEF, not a confirmation, because the confirmation is already canon and in the narrative and character development. 
Pride and Prejudice is my favorite romance. I see Bellarke taking the same trajectory in its romance, from s1 to s5, which seems to be (almost) the very end of the 2005 movie narrative. Looked at in that light, it’s a lot less frustrating. Because you can see the same sort of slowburn delay of reaching completion. Plus, it’s romantic! The longing. And frustrating! OMG Elizabeth stop being so dumb! And there are twists and turns! Wickham! Collins! Georgianna! Anne De Bourgh! Charlotte! Caroline!
I like that every season, Clarke and Bellamy have to fight their way back to each other, that everything falls apart if they are not on the same side, that they have to work with their team even when they are angry, that there is no victory without Bellarke together. 
I HATE that Bellarke keeps being separated, however it does raise the tension and keep me on the edge of my seat waiting for them to be reunited and that is part of why I care. Without real risk, there is not real suspense, and i don’t get as invested. It is necessary. Plus it makes all the emotions bigger.
I love the way Bellarke is shown POETICALLY. The storyline and plot and character development may be the prose story, the what happens and how, but the music and imagery and fades, the way they look at each other, the connotations of things that are said and left unsaid, the symbolism, the lighting and the close ups, all things that are pretty much ONLY given to Bellarke in this show? This is POETRY. That shot of Clarke in Eden looking up into the stars wishing he were home, and the direct cut to Bellamy in the stars looking down on Eden wishing the same thing??? OMG. I am NOT being extra. That is literal poetry. A visual poem. The action show may not be the fancy part of this show, but the Bellarke narrative is cinema. They are consciously creating more depth and resonance with poetic filming techniques. You can track the growth of Bellarke emotions by following certain visual stories, like the hand/touching images and closeups. 
As for their relationship, I love how they are equals, and the writers have gone to pains to keep them so. They balance each other out because they know what the other is going through. This allows them to be more open with each other than anyone else. They deserve each other. They are equally good. That means they are equally bad, too. They’ve done as many bad things. They’ve saved as many people. They aren’t always equal IN THE MOMENT, but that’s also good, because Clarke can pull Bellamy back from the brink and Bellamy can pull Clarke back from the brink. They are each other’s checks and balances. When they were alone for 6 years, they had to internalize the other in order to find that balance, but they weren’t QUITE there, externally, they managed, but internally they were in pain over it. They are complete people on their own, but they also NEED each other. And it’s NOT to get things done anymore, it’s because they just do. Because they love each other.
I love how they’ve both grown, from these terrible/amazing young people with unlimited potential into these terrible/amazing adults who UNDERSTAND what it means to be responsible for lives and deaths. THAT is something none of their other friends really understand. Maybe Monty (but he was at MW with them, wasn’t he?)
The YEARNING, omg the yearning. How could their yearning POSSIBLY get any yearnier every season??? There’s just no way. But it did. The mutual pining taken to an EPIC level. They yearned through time, space and death itself. The way you can tell they want to touch each other, want to be more intimate, but can’t, for all their various reasons. #teamfuckingkissalready but even when they don’t? the feelings just get ramped up ANOTHER notch? How many more notches ARE THERE?
I was going to say I liked them because they were hot, but they have transcended hotness at this point. They aren’t the teen soap stars anymore. Their story is so deep now that when they get together, it won’t be about hotness at all, it will be about YEARS of love and longing and trust and need and devotion and commitment. They are freaking SOULMATES, built for each other, the clear and truthful mirror of the other, the other half of them, the head and the heart. They make each other better, stronger and happier. They give each other comfort. They believe in the other when no one else did. LOVE. OMG are they just made from love. ugh. 
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wethesoc-i-ety-blog · 4 years
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List of LGBTQ+ Media
Feel free to add on to this! Please, if you do, put the name of the source down, and if you want, where you can find it, and some thoughts on it! To clarify, I’m listing pieces of media with:
- Healthy representation - please, no 2018 LeFou. No-one needs that.  - ‘Real’ representation - i.e. not queer-baiting (which is why Voltron should not be added to this list) - Present representation - no gay side characters who are solely present for the purpose of being gay and providing writers with a chance to look diverse, in hard quotations. 
Video:
The Politician (2019)
I binged this on a Tuesday, and I’m an IB Student, so you know it’s gotta be good. 
Starring Ben Platt, the former star of the revolt of a musical Dear Evan Hansen, and his co-star Laura Dreyfuss, this show is absolutely magnificent representation in the sense that it is completely normalising, in a way that made me tear up and laugh and feel deeply inspired throughout and after I was done with it. This show is gorgeous, with a rich colour pallet and a deeply intense sense of fashion; if that’s not enough to make you watch it, it’s basically a run of a US election scaled down to a high school, and at this point (October 26th, 2019) scaled up to a localised senate election, which it does hugely well at representing. 
When I talk about the show being normalising, I mean this: you know character tropes? Twisting, turning plot lines of romances that are usually confined to straight folks? This show throws forth multiple fleshed-out, informed, refined romantic and non-romantic relationships between queer characters, never parading its LGBTQ+ themes for the media but nonetheless including them in a way that I have never seen so whole-heartedly done before and I was deeply impressed by. I won’t spoil too much, but here’s the thing: a wlw relationship, a mlm relationship and a relationship between a non-binary character and female character are all included, and all of them are well fleshed out, meshing well with the story and not just ‘there for the sake of it’, as I know can become an issue. There’s an LGBTQ+ person of colour, too. And I know this shouldn’t be something I have to say, but all the queer characters are played by queer people, and that’s pretty great for media repping. 
I love this show, can you tell? No spoilers - but the first song is a miracle. 
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Steven Universe (2013)
She says, running away.
Steven Universe follows, funnily enough, Steven Universe, on his quest to develop the powers he derives from the magical gem on his bellybutton, in order to become a better help to and eventual member of the Crystal Gems, a group of gems taking human forms who fight against the gems of Homeworld, the gem home planet, to defend the Earth, an organisation set up by Steven’s mother, Rose Quartz, whose gem he now possesses. Wild, I know. It gets wilder.
This show started airing in 2013, a relatively-early time for LGBTQ+ media with proper representation of healthy relationships as well as unhealthy ones. It is a kids’ show, fundamentally, so some issues are oversimplified, but in my experience, growing up with this show was fundamental not only to normalising my own sexuality for myself but to understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship. The show is very much central around this concept; what is ‘healthy’, and in turn, what represents ‘unhealthy’ relationship dynamics? On top of that, it also deals with a traditionally feminine protagonist who is male and, from what we understand, straight, combatting masculinity stereotypes which are particularly damaging. A great show to hand your kids or younger siblings, because it’s got a huge plot line, and now that the show’s finished, it lacks the issues of upload schedules which it had had before when new episodes were constantly being produced.
The gems are all ‘feminine’ (though they avoid some criticism, I think, because they’re literal rocks and therefore cannot be gendered) and are referred to as she/her for the length of the series; they undergo a process called fusion by which they can combine their bodies to create a product larger than both their parts, an oversimplified but useful framing of a relationship. These fusions can be forced - unhealthy - or desired - healthy. In this way, gems commonly match up, giving good representation, even if it is slightly forfeited by the fact that they’re not human, to wlw relationships, and in ways that address unhealthy dynamics as well as healthy ones that can also apply to straight relationships. 
The show is heavily left-wing, so if that’s not exactly your thing, be wary. I’m not here to argue about what’s right and wrong about the show - just to say that it’s got good representation, and if you’re down for a little suspension of belief, this is the way to go. 
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Love, Simon (2017)
One of the most mature pieces of coming-out story fiction I’ve ever seen. It gets flack because it’s popular, but it’s popular for a reason, and many many many of my friends have had a personal experience with themselves in watching this film. Simon is a teenager struggling with an undercover mlm relationship and with coming to terms with his sexuality while also being a high school student. When word gets out about his sexuality at school, he has to deal with that on top of everything else, too.
If you’re going to watch a teen movie, this is the one to take a stab at. The material is sensitively handed; the show deals with a troublesome parental situation in terms of Simon’s eventual coming out, as well, which is unusual for these types of movies. Usually it’s either radically ‘you’re gay so we want you out of our home’ or ‘you’re gay and we accept you’ but here there’s a good balance between the two that still resolves itself non-problematically, with a great conclusion to the undercover relationship that will appeal to theatrics. This movie also deals with the issue of outing, which is something that surprisingly few people understand well, in a context that is terrifying for the protagonist. He is not prepared to come out, and deals with positive and negative consequences; the movie does a good job at giving both sides equal time, and at producing resolutions to those situations that aren’t unbelievable.
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Adventure Time
I have to confess that I stopped watching AT in the same religious sense that I did as a child early on, but I resumed my watching when I reached that queer milestone of recognising characters as gay and seeing Marceline and Bubblegum, as I think they were always intended to be, as those two lesbians we can all relate to. I don’t feel like this is a spoiler because most people know already, and because there are hints from the beginning - it’s just a question of whether or not it’ll be properly fulfilled.I love how they finished the series, because it wasn’t a Voltron ending where the ‘will they or won’t they’ ends in ‘they won’t, because of our producers’, as opposed to ‘they will, because we’re finishing what we started’. No spoilers, but there’s gayPDA, which is important, especially in kids’ shows, because it shows that yes, we do kiss each other, and yes, it is possible. Our faces don’t repel like opposite sides of a magnet.The queer characters are archetyped stereotypically as goth and geek and not as the typical butch and prep thing you see with lesbian representation, which is great because the show is focusing on the people themselves and recognising the LGBTQ+ part of those characters as factions of their personalities, not the other way around, the best way to normalise. Great times.
Youtube:
Thomas Sanders
I, I think like many other older viewers, started watching Thomas Sanders because of his web series, Sanders Sides (which is a whole other boat of representation for mental health considerations, but we won’t get into that), and fell in to his other contact like a little queer magpie clicking on rainbows. 
His video on Pride discusses a lot of useful stuff, in a lowkey fashion, for people all over the spectrum and for those not really sure what the spectrum is. How can I stress that he needs to be shown in schools to groups of young people? He’s all about positivity, respect and being openly proud, not just LGBTQ+-wise but also generally - and his channel features a very diverse group of invested people, so if you’re looking for down-to-earth, unstrained representation, this is where it is. 
mackdoesit
Basically a big ???
Hosting such great video titles as REACTING TO ANTI-GAY COMMERCIALS BECAUSE I’M GAY, Mack is one of those Youtubers you watch when you’re comfortable with yourself and just want to enjoy some gay shit. You can’t go anywhere on his channel without seeing a rainbow flag. If nothing else, he’s great because he is so openly embracing of his sexuality without even needing to state that he is; it’s so evident in how often and how well he talks about it that he’s comfortable and it sets a great example of where you should want to be in terms of yourself, especially if you’re young and uncertain of where you are on the spectrum. 
Miles McKenna
Ah!!!
Miles started his (now completed) transition (ftm) in early 2017, with a video entitled ‘So I’m Trans’, having previously identified as female and a lesbian. I started watching Miles, then Amanda, early on in 2015 because he was deeply constructive as an image of a lesbian role model for me, when I thought I identified the same way; since then, there have been a few changes and I now watch him as a queer icon and as an excellent educational tool.
Miles posted this great video in April of 2018, I AM MILES, showing snapshot clips of his transition over the year since he started T, and it’s honestly deeply emotional, personal and, critically, a great demonstration of transitioning, its struggles, and its benefits for the person going about it. I have learned a lot from Miles - generally and also about myself - and I would recommend his channel to anyone off the bat. There’s some good stuff in there - including a classic ‘things get better’ scenario, because his deeply religious mother, who had rejected him for years on the basis of his sexuality and then transition, has recently started participating in Miles’ videos. 
Eugene Lee Yang (another Youtuber, attached to the Try Guys)
Watch I’m Gay by Eugene. I’m serious. That video didn’t change my life, but it changed my perception of what I needed from queer media icons, and this fulfilled some part of me never touched before.
Eugene is openly gay, and has been for some time; his videos have also centred around his experience as a drag queen, which is a very rarely well-represented field and should be exposed more by people accessing young audiences. Go, watch. He’s good for the soul. 
Books:
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Benjamin Alire Sáenz
My favourite book. I actually picked this up because a Youtuber I used to watch, John Green (who wrote Will Grayson, Will Grayson, another LGBTQ+ staple which I haven’t personally read yet but intend to) recommended it in a video list. It follows Aristotle (Ari) and his life in Mexico in friendship with a boy he meets at a swimming pool, Dante. They bond over their unusual names and Dante’s proclivity for reading, poetry and swimming; the book follows their friendship’s progress after he moves to Chicago and has to write rather than talk to Ari.
Without spoilers: Aristotle and Dante is this tremendous achievement because it describes a person’s struggle with their sexuality in the frame of international content and masculinity, two things which pose a huge threat in some circumstances to a person’s journey with their sexuality. Both of the titular characters witness a sharp, studied detailing of their progress into accepting themselves, in the context of their lives and stories, in a way that is deeply touching and, on your first time reading it, so cleverly executing that when the moment comes it’s genuinely surprising. I lay down and thought about my life for a few hours after finishing it in one go. It’s not a difficult read - Sáenz writes beautifully - but it is emotionally challenging, so watch yourself.
Please go read it!
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Simon versus the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Becky Albertalli
This is the origin story for Love, Simon, so everything I said about her applies the same for this one. I have to betray my book-loving instincts and say that I didn’t actually enjoy the book all that much, at least not as much as I adored the movie - by the time I finished this one, I had already read all the other books on this list and come to the conclusion that I was sated with representation for a while, so I wasn’t really wowed until the movie came out. That being said, if you’re not a fan of movies, the book is just as well-written as the others on here, and honestly provides you with a better-developed story just simply because of the fact that it’s a book. 
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They Both Die at the End, Adam Silvera
Before Aristotle and Dante, this was my go-to recommendation for queer reading. Adam Silvera is a beautiful person and writes a lot of good LGBTQ+ stuff, but They Both Die in the End has that quality of life-ending-ness and inevitability about it that makes it devastating to you as you’re reading up to the end, because, obviously, you already know what’s going to happen.
How do I describe this book? Two boys meet each other on their death day, something predicted by a mysterious agency who can’t tell you when, where, or how, except that you will die within the next 24 hours, and it could be in 30 minutes or in 23.5 hours. It isn’t the type of book I’d normally read, and it also isn’t the type of book that has what I like to call ‘the queer outset’, which is nice, because Silvera isn’t baiting his readers. It was this pleasant surprise in the end when you uncover the LGBTQ+ part of it that justifies its classification under the LGBTQ+ shelf at Waterstones. 
It changed my life completely outside the realm of LGBTQ+ stuff, just because I consider every moment more precious, now - but in truth the representation of a mlm relationship here is excellent, and I was and am struck to the core by it.
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* I want to put C. N. Adichie’s wonderful (hah) book, Americanah, down. The first use of LGBTQ+ characterisation is in a character from Nigeria connecting a gay man she meets at an event to witnessing the beating of a gay boy at her school in her youth. This is said in passing, but it can be triggering. There is more representation as the book goes on - I include it because it is one of those rare novels where LGBTQ+ people are side characters, but in a way that is incredibly normalising, and not for that ‘diversity’ factor. 
Shows and Theatre:
Everybody’s Talking About Jamie
I have to confess, I haven’t seen this show. I’m asking for tickets for my eighteenth.
That aside, I heard from my friend, who recently transitioned, that it was great. The show follows an aspiring drag queen, Jamie, in a British state school - that in itself is great for us Brits, who don’t often have that LGBTQ+ representation in our media except for if its transitioned over from the States, but drag queens don’t get much representation in the media either, especially few cases that are healthy and constructive. 
History Boys, Alan Bennett
I put this play on last year with a group of English Literature students who read the play and loved it; unsurprisingly, all those students are now a part of SOC(I)ETY, my school’s GSA, which speaks to the nature of the text. It follows a group of state school students in the UK (again, go Brit representation!) who are applying to Oxbridge for History and return to school for a seventh term after their A-Levels to be coached on how to pass the exams. The boys are strung between the new substitute Oxbridge tutor, Irwin, who is regimentally focused on pass marks, and Hector, their longtime English teacher, with a more nebulous style of teaching. The boys progress through the preparation time taking sides with these teachers. 
Here’s the thing. There are four queer characters in this play: Posner, a young Jewish (!) boy who is openly gay for Dakin; Dakin, another student, arrogant and who is later revealed to be attracted to (although this can be challenged) Irwin; Irwin, who exhibits a level of attraction towards Dakin but is morally resolute-ish; and Hector, a homosexual and arguably a paedophile, who gropes the boys when he brings them home on his motorcycle, which they take with a good-natured grain of salt. 
These characters are not necessarily healthy characters in terms of representation. Dakin represents at least a bisexual character, which is great, and Posner a relatively unproblematic Jewish LGBTQ+ figurehead; but Irwin and Hector openly discuss potential relations with the boys in one of the final scenes, and although nothing ever happens, there is the sense that it would have done had it not been for a major event in the play.
Read it if you can stomach the material. It never gets explicit physically; but there are a lot of swear words, so if that’s not your thing, be careful.
Some further ones that aren’t really great for representation, but for one reason or another deserve a spot:
High School Musical
I know this is meme’d to high hell at this point, but Chad and Ryan and I Don’t Dance are seminal moments in LGBTQ+ media representation, and quite frankly, at least in my opinion, considering when it was made, one of the best shots at introducing LGBTQ+ related concepts to young children that didn’t threaten its widespread takedown in the early days of the 2000s. As a young queer I watched every High School Musical movie the week it came out, once on the actual day and once on the weekend with my family. Looking back on it, it’s pretty insane to see how we all missed that one and yet still learned a lesson from it.
For those who haven’t heard, the song I Don’t Dance has been reconsidered recently because it hints heavily at something (loosely-defined) going on between Ryan and Chad. The main thesis of the song is this: Chad, a stereotypical high school basketball player, wreathed in typical attitudes, is confronted with Ryan, one of those early ‘meant to be LGBTQ+ characters’ from a time when it was more acceptable to represent gay men as pink-wearing, song-singing musical theatre people, and assumes that Ryan is not able to play baseball, his sport of choice at this time. Ryan smashes it, of course (we stan a queen), over the course of the song, proving him wrong while also doubling back on the idea that Chad himself says that he doesn’t dance. 
Note the wording here: not I Can’t Dance, it’s I Don’t Dance. The implications here are clear. The song, at the very least, works with defeating stereotypes associated with masculinity, which is a hugely-pressing issue to this day and deserves more appreciation like this in the media; but the undertones of LGBTQ+ presence in both of these characters is there and important. Ryan himself is one of the less offensive, at least in my opinion, versions of this ‘flamboyant man’ archetype and therefore has some credit as a character for introducing that concept to young kids anyway, but Chad hits differently. Because he’s a jock. Because he’s a high schooler, a sports player, and, clearly, was intended to be LGBTQ+. And don’t we need more representation like that?
Lil Nas X
Please follow this man’s Twitter. That is all.
As I said, please do add to this! I hope you all indulge. 
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fyrapartnersearch · 5 years
Text
And your next line is...
Strike a pose!
Hello, the name is Aylo and I am a dedicated on and off role-player with a tendency of writing original stories in the hope that one day, my own vision gets pushed out into the world. But that dream is still a far away concept as most of my works are still in the making. Since I am still on summer break, I’ve got some time at my hands that I’m interested to fill it with some juicy writing. 

Roleplaying is one of my greatest hobbies on the side! I enjoy it greatly as it gives you the opportunity to build a world and gripping plot with a partner. Also, a little about me before dive into it. You must be at least 18+ of age when you want to start original roleplay with me, just to be upfront and honest with you. I am in my twenties, thus I have no quarrel, or rather much prefer, mature adult themes. I accept anyone, but they have to be willing to fill some of these categories mentioned down below. What I expect is a decent (if not, very good) grasp on grammar, the ability and will to write creatively and shoulder half of the plotting and responsibility as well as the passion for roleplaying. Of course this should be seen as a fun way of passing the time and inspiring one’s muse, but I really like to invest… I wish for my partner to take equal initiative. 


This request is a bit of an unusual one as I am targeting a fandom that you may have or have not heard about. 
Currently I am on the hunt for someone who would like to start a JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure themed RP with me! Yes, as odd as it sounds, but the series had captured my heart in the most bizarre way (I couldn’t resist, apologies) and I simply fell in love with this odd, quirky world of JoJo. I started binging the series a year ago but now, I really became invested and grew to crave for an experience in writing it with a partner!
Regarding which era of the JoJo’s we could take this, I am fairly open, though I have yet to watch Part 5. 

Since the world of JoJo is so vastly open and brimming with possibility, there’s no exact limit. Unless of course, the characters are overpowered, then we might have a problem. However I’ve rarely encountered cases, so I wouldn’t worry that much about it. I have a strong penchant for including original characters and ideas that can be added to the pre-existing plot. Also very happy to expand on the given worlds and open to AU’s. Okay so I am a really big nerd when it comes to the supernatural, mysterious, urban myth and fantasy. Love combining those given elements with organised crime, complex characters, cataclysmic events and dark schemes that all unravels as time goes on. JoJo is a perfect breeding ground for it all.




Which JoJo is the best JoJo?


In my opinion, I love all of them <3
Just to be frank here! 
I am going to list all of the parts I am open and willing to do, down below:
JoJo: Phantom Blood (Part 1)

JoJo: Battle Tendency (Part 2)

JoJo: Stardust Crusaders (Part 3)

JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable (Part 4)
Now I know there are seasons of the series that I’ve yet to read and watch, but there is so much of the world already, I am perfectly content with focusing the story on those four! 

 Writing: 3rd person perspective. My writing is wide-ranging and flexible, which means that frequently, word count will go up 1000+ per reply - though it highly depends on the given situation and partner. Quality over quantity as they say - but why not both? I love detail in description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. My partner should have a basic grasp on grammar, punctuation and somewhat of an interest in knowledgeable writing. I also double! (preferably, but we can always discuss whether it makes sense for our roleplay our not.)

What it entails:

Alright, so you are writing with some of mature age. I have 11 years of writing experience when it comes to the game. This will be a fair warning that this request is not for the faint of heart. There will be violence, swearing, gore, intimate scenes, uncomfortable subjects, drama, conflict and other dark themes included within the story. I have few limits but I will respect the boundaries of my partner, so do not shy away from telling me. Just so you know, I won’t fade to black or skip out on the nitty gritty. Go big or go home. Interests: My line of interests are very dynamic when it comes to genres. I love conceiving my own lore inside a stories, be it an original or a pre-existing story. Gothic fantasy among others are one of my favourites. I am not opposed to tapping into some science fiction, action, romance, crime, action or thriller genres, in fact I encourage it. Inspirations for me are Lovecraft, Hellsing, Blade, Underworld, etc. As for the fandom inspired RPs, I am more than willing to bend some rules and be a little indulgent. World building and sharing the burden: You should be active and help me shape the world around our characters. Even if we discuss many things during and before the roleplay, how we wish for things to play out and take its course, I am always happy to be surprised with a secret of my partner’s character I didn’t know before. You don’t need to lay out all your cards on the table… keep it a little mysterious and suspenseful. Just enough so we can work with the ideas, but not completely kill off the suspense. Characters: I write canon as well as OC characters. Faceclaims, GIFs, drawings, mood boards or just a plain physical description is absolutely sufficient. Whatever floats your boat when it comes to visualising your character and their backstory, I’m on board. Characters should be written as opulent, flawed, unique, talented, heroic, villainous, spiteful, angry, and everything in-between figures. In other words, don’t be scared of making them ‘human’, even when they are non-human. Romance: Openly play and accept characters of both genders, preferable m x f pairings, but I am open to m x m and f x f relationships as well. I have more experience with m x f relationships, so I might be more adept with this one. If the chemistry of two characters compel me, I will ship them no matter what! When it comes to sexual scenarios and intimacy (intercourse, foreplay, all that jazz). I encourage erotism, but always in a tasteful, sensual manner (that goes for romance as well). The passion must be felt through the screen, even if it’s just a mere description of someone’s deep train of thought. Content: Drama, violence, implication of sexual content, metamorphosis, symbolism, action, romance, pretty much everything is a-okay. I am unbothered by certain subjects that may or may not be uncomfortable for the general public. Roleplays are fictional stories and we best keep viewing them as such. If there are things you are uncomfortable with, name them and I shall respect those boundaries. But don’t be surprised when suddenly one of our characters bites the dust, or gets tortured. It may be difficult to write and read, but it is all part of the story and furthering the plot. My roleplays imply and involve brutality, mayhem, psychological and physical torture among other things. But I also greatly endorse beauty, serenity and placid moments, scenes or characters. I love it when it comes full circle… everyone- and everything has a beautiful and hideous side. Both should be embraced like Yin and Yang. Communication and friendship: OOC-chat friendly! I love meeting new people and making friends and as we all know, communication is key. Plus it strengthens the compatibility between us. Communication is the alpha and the omega. If there is anything that bothers you, or if you think you are left out in some way (be it a mistake on my part or if we’re both at fault here), don’t be frightened to tell me. Really, it won’t be taken personally since I know that we all slip up every now and then. We’re only human after all. It is also completely sufficient if you only type out a few messages per week. I am super chill about it. It doesn’t bother me re-writing a scene to fit the narrative more. If there are mistakes, they can be corrected - just to get that out there. We can always exchange opinions and see what would benefit the story most. I will also voice my opinion should something arise that could be bothersome. Partnership: An active roleplayer is wanted without a doubt. Can’t do the thinking for two now. Let’s row this boat together Limits: Subject matters I avoid are pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, vore, scat, furries and various other bizarre fetishes. Also no one-liners or text-talk messages. The sentences have to be cohesive, coherent and decently structured. 
 
I live in CET central Europe. My response rate varies throughout the weeks, depending on my schedule. 
If I should hit a hiatus, I will let you know as soon as possible. I understand when you are busy as well and won’t be able to respond, though I highly appreciate if my partner does disappear without notification. At least give me a heads up on what’s going on so I can adjust and put the roleplay on hold if needed! 
Mediums I roleplay on are email and google-docs. I also have Discord in case for OOC chat, but I rather much prefer email at first because Discord can be somewhat messy from time to time.

I prefer if my partner messages me first on email, giving me a brief description of themselves, their cravings as well as ideas. That way I can see if we’re compatible and if it bears any potential. 

Message me here:
EMAIL: [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon! Lots of love!




Sincerely yours, Aylo
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clairen45 · 5 years
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I feel a great disturbance in the Force...
I am getting more and more anxious asks about Reylo in IX from anons . “What if Reylo doesn’t happen?”, “What if JJ avoids it to please the fans?” (what fans, may I ask? Because obviously, Reylo fans are also fans!), “what if it’s too controversial?”, “what if...”
Guys, I hear you loud and clear. And I only bring you this:
CHILL!!!! Stop worrying! It’s all going to be ok.
I fell for Reylo big time after TLJ in December and never looked back, mad at myself for being so casual about what I had somewhat sensed in TFA. I had no idea there was such a thing as official Reylo accounts and metas, and art on the internet, Tumblr, or fanfiction. None. So I blissfully spent two years of ignorance between TFA and TLJ about the Reylo wars. I can only imagine the madness it was pre TLJ as the first wavers were the laughing stock and target for every self-righteous pompous troll on the internet. I really admire them for their relentless dedication to pointing out all the parallels and tropes with other movies and books that buttressed each of their argument. You would think that post TLJ, the validation about Reylo would be a moot point, but it’s really sad to say that we still have a long way to go. Even despite the plethora of evidence we got since TLJ with comic books, merchandising, novels, and interviews. People who still wage war against Reylo as a concept are seriously deluded at this point.
Look, I do understand the anxiety and concern about some who think that even if RJ validated the concept, JJ will no go there and seal the deal, and that episode ix will write off any possibility of a romantic conclusion between Rey and Kylo. I do empathize. But...
Baloney.
Let’s go there for a sec and imagine, why not, that JJ (as in JJ the one that came up with the design of these characters and had them eye-f... the first chance he got) does write off Reylo.   LOL.
Well, who cares anyways? As if the passion of fans invested into this pairing would just vanish because it is not “canon”... Gasp... That didn’t stop people from shipping Stormpilot, Kylhux or whatnot.. First there is the wonderful work done by fans. In fandom, Reylo is obviously a force to reckon this. But it’s not just fandom culture. Reylo has been widely validated in pop culture. Look at the parodies, the merch, the cartoons, that recent Nerdist youtube song, the twitter accounts from official businesses proclaiming their support of Reylo, the jokes and references made by celebrities. It is real. Reylo as a concept exists and is recognized. EVEN IF (internal giggle) episode IX did not go that route, Reylo is not an illusion. Reylo has already happened, and will always be its own thing. EVEN IF (roaring laughter) we did not get a Reylo endgame in IX, I’d be cool with it because I know it was part of the journey and will always be a thing in the SW universe, even as something that "might have been” and played an important part in the storyline of the characters. No one will take Reylo away from Star Wars. Ever. So if you ship Reylo, dudes and dudettes, no one will take it away from you.
Now, seriously. Do you really think that this is not going to be happen? Because I don’t. Absolutely don’t. I never worry about it. Not even one tiny bit.
The tale has been told anyways, guys. They are done shooting. They made their choices, wrote their dialogues, shot their scenes. It is over. Some people somewhere know how it all ends. And some of these people report on social media how proud they are of what they did. Cast, crew, directors... Anyways, nothing we can do about it. We are not going to sway them one way or the other. And that’s fine.
We have a few months to go towards IX. Choose what you want to believe and how you want to be spending this time. Is there any reason to fret and worry? Nope. If Reylo is not endgame, well, big oopla, it’s only a movie with fictional characters. I will be glad that SW gave me this epic relationship and my favorite fictional character ever, no matter what. If anything, it’s great to get a new SW movie! So much fun! But if/when it does happen, well, I will have spent all these weeks and months rooting for them and not stressing out about what might or might not be. Even not knowing for sure is fun. Just like falling in love. The anticipation. What an awesome time to be having. The suspense, the teasers, the trailers, the first pictures they will release, the campaign, the poster... like WOW guys. Think of all these golden nuggets. Like a big Advent calendar. And every time getting closer to the prize. The FUN. It is what it is all about, guys. FUN. No need to worry.
And between you and me, seriously, of course Reylo is Endgame.
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Here it is! My first ever blog post under my Asian Drama Blog Series. The following are the dramas I watched during the month of January 2019.
// Okay, I kinda felt the need to explain. Most of the dramas I watched this month are those of EXO Members’. As I’ve said in my 2018 Highlights, I only decided to officially spazz kpop recently and this is sorta part of it. I really wanted to watch most of the members (if not all) to somehow catch up to whatever I’ve missed when I still haven’t “stanning” as much as I can so I watched and am continually watching their dramas. //
SERIES
1) EXO NEXT DOOR Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 16 Running time: 15 minutes Genre: Web Series, Comedy, Romance Plot: 23-year-old Ji Yeon-hee is extremely shy and introverted with zero dating experience tends to blush like a tomato when talking to someone she likes. One day, four young men move into the house right next door to hers. Much to her surprise, they turn out to be Chanyeol, D.O., Baekhyun and Sehun from EXO, her favorite boy band who are trying to lay low for a while.  Thoughts: It’s like your typical boy band fanfiction that has been adapted to become a tv series. I don’t know if it’s because I watched so many dramas already or the fact that I grew up reading fanfictions or because I watched it few years after it’s hype that’s why I said this??? Had I watched this during its release, I would have been really stoked! (Probs because I’m much younger back then) But of course, I am not any less glad even though I watched it years late because it’s still like a dream come true of some sort to have seen your idols actually act as the characters in a plot that you have only been imagining or you have just read in a fan fiction. We’re talking about audio-visuals here lol.
This is actually the first drama where I saw Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Sehun act. I have watched Kyungsoo before in Pure Love and 100 Days My Prince (he’s also the main reason why I decided to finally look up and stan EXO lol) and it irks me a bit to see him do the second lead this time. Sehun was really funny here. Total maknae! I can never forget you, brotha. The series is actually short. I finished it in two nights alongside with another drama I was watching. You can totally finish this in one sitting! Finished Watching On: January 09, 2019
2) THE UNIVERSE’S STAR Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 6 (MBC) Running time: 30 minutes (MBC) Genre: Fantasy, Romance Plot: Byul is a 19-year-old student who has been struggling to keep up with her job to guide dead souls to the afterworld as a Grim Reaper, learned that her favorite singer Woo Joo, is expected to die soon. She decided to save him as he is the only memory that she had in her previous life before she got into the accident which caused her life.  Thoughts: It’s a little refreshing for me because I haven’t came across a fantasy plot between an idol and a fan, more so a mystic entity in this case, for quite a while. Although it’s a bit predictable (perhaps for me since I’ve read a lot of fan fics/ teen fics and watched so many dramas already or it really is predictable), I still liked how it ended and also a bit sad over its bitter-sweet ending. Finished Watching On: January 11, 2019
3) BE POSITIVE Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Very Light plot No. of Episodes: 6 Running time: 10 minutes Genre: Web Series, Romantic comedy Plot: Film major student Hwan-dong prepares for his graduation project as a movie director. He is facing a difficulty in finilizing the film due to lack of funding. Left with no choice, he asked Hye-jung, an actress of present time and alumna of his university who happened to be his ex-girlfriend to play the main role in his production. Thoughts: It’s really light but it’s understandable since it’s only a web series/ promotional series. To be honest, I only watched it since Kyungsoo is the lead role. I think it’s the perfect drama which portrayed relationships that ended without proper closure. Can relate. I like to commend this because true to its mission to “send a message of support to the younger generation”, it actually showed how we must really own up our mistakes and be mature enough to talk any misunderstandings out. Kyungsoo was really cute here huhuhu. It’s super duper short! I mean it’s only an hour!!! I seriously finished this in one sitting. Finished Watching On: January 12, 2019
4) STRONG GIRL BONG-SOON Rating: ★★★ ★ ☆ | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 16 + 1 (Special) Running time: 70 minutes Genre: Fantasy, Thriller, Action, Romantic comedy Plot: Born with superhuman strength,  Do Bong-soon dreams of creating a video game with the main heroine as herself. Her strength is hereditary and passed along only to the women in her family. She is desperately trying her best to become a willowy and elegant woman to meet the ideal type of her long-term crush, In Guk-doo, a police officer. Due to her strength, she was scouted to be the bodyguard of Ahn Min-hyuk, a rich heir and the CEO of a gaming company who recently received anonymous threats, blackmails and a series of stalking.
One day, a series of kidnapping cases break in Dobong-dong, the district Bong-soon lives in. After her friend was targeted, she became determined to catch the culprit. As they try to find the suspect, the three found themselves in a love triangle. Thoughts: What’s there to say aside from it being super good? It’s a mixture of suspense, romance and cuteness. The romance isn’t annoying at all. I really liked how the kidnapping case added so much spice to the plot and how after all the ruckus it all went down to family being your major strength.  Finished Watching On: January 18, 2019
5) TERIUS BEHIND ME Rating: ★★★☆☆  | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 32 Running time:  35 minutes each / 2 episodes per day Genre: Romantic-Comedy, Mystery Plot: Go Ae-Rin suddenly loses her husband. A mysterious man, Kim Bon, lives next door. Kim Bon is a legendary NIS agent. He was involved in a failed secret operation wherein the woman he loved died three years ago. He has since become disconnected with the world and decided to live alone quietly. He helps his neighbor Go Ae-Rin uncover a conspiracy which her husband got involved with. Thoughts: Watched this because of a trailer I came across on Facebook and So Ji-sub!!! This has been on my list since last year and I only got the chance to watch it this month. It’s a breather from my usual teen fictions so I was hooked. Super Ioved the twins, they were super cute. I especially enjoyed the part where they had to deal with the bioterrorism coz I can 10/10 relate, my Microbiolog(ist)y heart was very happy and was very amazed to at least see it be executed/ planned even if it’s just on screen. It’s not the most perfect spy series but it’s enough for me (or because I never really watch spy shows). The traitor in the ending (a supposedly plot twist) wasn’t very surprising to me... not sure if it’s predictable or because I have watched so many dramas already that I did predict who’s who already.  Finished Watching On: January 24, 2019
6) SEVEN FIRST KISSES Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 8 Running time: 9-12 mins Genre: Romance, Comedy Plot: Lotte Duty Free store employee Min Soo-jin has never been in a relationship before. One day, she meets with the goddess of date who grants her an attempt to pick the perfect partner for her first kiss among seven men. Her options are firstly, a religious tech billionaire (Lee Joon-gi), a serious yet romantic boss (Park Hae-jin), a sexy secret agent (Ji Chang-wook), an adorable younger male friend (Kai), an innocent chaebol heir (Ok Taec-yeon), a beloved k-idol (Lee Jong-suk) and finally a free-spirited travel writer (Lee Min-ho). Thoughts: Bukod pala sa babaeng lahat. Charot! I have watched this during its release but I failed to catch up with every episodes. It’s only now that I decided to watch it as a whole again. Watched this after finishing Memories of the Alhambra as a rebound/ to ease my broken heart. It’s super light, tamang kilig and fantasize sa oppas. Literally watched in one sitting. Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019
7) SECRET QUEEN MAKERS Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 7 Running time: 15 mins Genre: Romance, Comedy Plot: A travel agent who lacks confidence in her appearance finds her hidden beauty with the help of six men she met at Lotte Duty Free stores. Thoughts: Watched this because of Chanyeol and Sehun!!! I only knew it was also a short series the moment I decided to watch it so I also ended it in one sitting. Dunno what to say other than it was cute and fun and short. I suck at reviews but this is another usual fan fiction I have read huhu but ofc, I love that I have seen it with my eyes than just imagining it. Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019
8) MEMORIES OF THE ALHAMBRA  Rating: ★★★★☆ | Heavy plot No. of Episodes: 16 Running time: 65 minutes Genre: Fantasy, Suspense, Sci-fi, Romance, Melodrama Plot:  After receiving an email regarding a groundbreaking AR game about medieval battles in Alhambra, Yoo Jin-woo, CEO of an investment company that specializes in optical devices, travels to Granada, Spain to meet the creator of the game, Jung Se-joo. However, Se-joo is missing and there, he meets his sister Jung Hee-joo, owner of the hostel he stays in and a former guitarist. Both get entangled in a mysterious incident and the border between the real world and the AR world built by Se-joo begins to blur. © Thoughts: Watched this while it’s on-going. 11/10 would recommend!!!! At first, I felt like it has the same vibe as W and got super amazed then I only learned mid-drama that both drama were written by one writer that’s why they have the same vibes. Super crazy plot! I honestly couldn't quite catch what’s going on in the first few episodes, I thought I was going stupid and going crazy myself but got a hang of it din later on. Super genius! Everything is astounding... except the ending. LOL I’M SO MAD!!!!
I decided to delay watching the finale for a week to “emotionally prepare” myself but I never thought I would be betrayed like this??? Had I known, I would have prepared for a month. Have already watched tons and been watching kdramas for several years already, I shouldn't be surprised and disappointed to open-ended stories anymore BUT I AM!!!???!!! So proud of Chanyeol here and my girl, PSH, still never disappoints! Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019
MOVIES Never a fan of watching movies but for EXO, I watched them loooool
1) SO I MARRIED AN ANTI-FAN Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot Genre: Comedy, Romance Plot:  Top star Hoo Joon ended up living together with his anti-fan reporter Lee Geun-young. Thoughts: Literally a fan fiction ripped straight off of Wattpad... charot! Not sure which came first but that’s what it was for me. Not that I don’t like it... again, it’s a dream come true to have seen my favorite idol actually act as the character I have only imagined before but I read a fanfic with the same plot before I watched this. Watched on: January 05, 2019
2) HYEONG/ MY ANNOYING BROTHER Rating: ★★★★★ | Light plot Genre: Comedy, Drama Plot:   All thanks to  Doo-Young, his younger brother, Doo-Sik was granted a parole from prison. Doo-Young is a then promising judo athlete but got involved in an accident before the selection for the national team which made him lose not only his break but his eyesight as well. After 15 years, Doo-Sik (Jo Jung-suk) suddenly appears in front of Doo-Young and they begin to live together. Thoughts: Of course, watched this because of my bias Kyungsoooooooo. Seriously this guy knows how to tickle your lacrimal glands and make you cry. Almost all of his movies were tear-jerker!!!! I felt super proud of him here. He literally pulled it off #nobias. It’s super relatable especially because it tackles about sibling-hood. Watched on: January 26, 2019
3) SO YOUNG 2: NEVER GONE Rating: ★★☆☆☆ | Light plot Genre: Drama, Romance Plot: A wealthy young man pursues a young woman of modest means, but circumstances often separate them as the years pass. ©  Thoughts: The movie was said to be an adaptation of a novel. Honestly, I didn't clearly get the plot in whole? I was confused what happened in the end. Not sure if it’s because it’s poorly shown or the fact that maybe the Chinese characters that were flashed (which I can’t transcribe) held a significant role that’s why I didn't understand the ending. I saw a clip on Facebook and it seemed interesting + it’s Yi Fan’s movie which lead me to watch it. I had to search for reviews and summaries in hopes of finding enlightenment about the ending but I haven’t found any which clearly explains what happened. About the characters, I had to say that the relationship was kind of toxic and they were really immature, I’m so mad! (says the mature one lol)  Watched on: January 27, 2019 Soooo that’s it. Please understand that these are all based on my personal opinion. I am in no way a professional in making reviews. I’m just a plain nobody who loves watching asian dramas. The way I see a plot (as a light or as a heavy one) may be different from others and the ratings I gave could be different from anyone else as well. Most importantly, your thoughts might differ to mine so you do you. I hope I was able to help you find what to binge next!
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icecreambat · 7 years
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Story time: Dating everyone in P5 turned Joker into a sociopath
The first time I ended up dating more than one girl in a Persona game, it was an honest accident. I’d already imprinted on Chie in Persona 4, and had no idea comforting Yukiko during her social link would turn me into a two-timing douche. A quick save-state reload rectified this mistake, but it taught me an important lesson: in Persona games, monogamy is not the limit of your teenage life.
As Persona 5 rolled around, I grew fond of Makoto on my first playthrough. With her on my side I experienced the Phantom Thief thrill ride, maxing my social links while gently turning other girls down. It wasn’t until the NewGame+ that I wondered: wouldn’t it be interesting to try the multi-dating thing? That way I could fast-forward all romance scenarios and not watch them on Youtube later like a loser, duh. If this game was intentionally giving me the opportunity to be Tokyo’s biggest Don Juan, then by Mona, I’d do it!
Little did I know, though, that as I embarked on a quest to bag all the single ladies* the whole atmosphere of the game changed. What had been a more or less generic adventure about truth and justice took on some… rather disturbing undertones, ones that went beyond the actual dating scenarios. In fact, the game turned out to be such an interesting social experiment that I wanted to write about it, so here I am. So, this is a recap of how dating multiple people in Persona 5 turned my Joker into a sociopath.
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* except for Makoto, because a) I already romanced her before and b)…. it didn’t feel right, her being my first and all. SO SUE ME I’M A LOSER AFTER ALL
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So. Here we are again, moving to Tokyo, whoop de doo. NewGame+ means not having to waste days on working out the ropes, so you can focus on the stuff that matters: getting as overpowered as you can in the least amount of time possible. For me, this meant maxing out Kawakami’s social link as fast as I could, because her bonuses are pretty swank – I really could have used the post-Mementos or post-palace massages during my first playthrough too, but kinda forgot about her right after Operation Maidwatch. Well, no more! I was bringing that teacher home left and right at every possible instance, so obviously I ended up maxing her link first. Ergo, we entered a relationship. 
I’m not gonna lie: the Kawakami romance is some weird (and arguably illegal) shit. Maybe that kinda set the tone of this adventure from the start, giving me an mc who was 100% ok with romancing his homeroom teacher slash part time maid. Uh… huh. Given that my suspension of disbelief went out of the window right about there, it was easy to pick the “omg i totally like, care about you and stuff” dialogue options that went with it; I mean, I was doing this for science and stuff, no big deal.
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That’s why it surprised me that when it was time to romance the next (un)lucky girl, I felt like shit about it. Not because of Kawakami, but because Ann wasn’t some ludicrous dating option pulled out of the “lol what if we let the players date everyone!!” shitpost book. Instead, Ann and the mc had already been through Some Shit together, best friend suicide attempts and sexually abusive PE teachers included, and she was a teenage girl looking for her place in the world. So when Ann confided in me about her feelings and told the mc she loved him, “returning” her feelings –while knowing I was already dating my…. uhh, homeroom teacher slash part time maid– genuinely made me feel like the absolute scum of the earth.
“I can’t do this,” I thought at this point, “Even if these are fictional characters in a fictional game, I feel like shit lying to these girls that I care about them, because obviously that’s not true if I’m so callously dating someone else behind their back. How can people do that in real life if I can’t even do it in a video game? Oh, naïve me! Because my lesson in the callousness of man had only just begun.
Anyway, so. Here I am, dating Kawakami and Ann. I think I figured that lying to my teammates didn’t Feel Very Good so headlining for randos seemed like the better choice to make next: Ohya the reporter ended up being the third girl I romanced, and it was relieving she seemed to understand the unlikely nature of our relationship. “I get that we probably won’t stay together forever,” she was telling me, almost like she knew she was only the third wheel in my extended trailer truck, headed to nowhere fast; the same kinda goes for Tae, the punk rock doctor, whose reservedness somehow made it easier to ignore the serial cheater vibes in the dynamic.
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Chihaya, on the other hand, was different. Seemingly a little younger than the other grown-ups, she was already a lot more straightforward about her interest in the mc, and harbored all sorts of weird fantasies about them staying together forever. Which is exactly what I told her would happen. Not! Funny that for a fortune teller she couldn’t see I was also spouting this same shit to four other girls, huh? Chihaya reminded me of Ann, in a way, which is why the Bad Feels actually started to resurface here – it’s one thing to lie boldly in the face of girls (women) who aren’t really that invested in you to begin with, but when it’s people who actually believe said lies… well.
Now, I know, I know. There’s no actual reason to feel guilty, because these choices don’t affect the gameplay in any way. Whether or not the mc is an asshole in some ways will still result in everyone loving the shit out of him, and being sad when he leaves. Sure, there’s the scene after Valentine’s Day where you get beat up for being a cheater and the girls kind of call him out on it, but that’s about it; this isn’t Mass Effect, you can’t go full renegade, etc. etc. But even if the game barely acknowledges the clear disparity in the mc’s words and actions, it’s really hard to overlook as the player, and as I said, it kinda changes the tone of the whole game.
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You see, during the course of the story the mc ends up establishing a whole bunch of social links: Ryuji, Yusuke, Mishima and even Sojiro are but few of the guys you end up making heartfelt bonds with too. Only problem is, once you go the Lie Route with the girls, the mc hardly comes across as any more honest with the guys – and this is what really puts a spin on his reliability. Everyone’s always going on about what a great guy he is, but none of them know what a quadruple-timing, lying asshole he is at the same time. And why would they? All he does is tell people what they want to hear!
Apparently the devs of Dream Daddy wanted to challenge the notion that this kind of behaviour automatically leads to “good endings” in visual novels, because it only makes the mc seem a little sociopathic. Sure enough, that’s exactly the word I would use to describe how my mc started to come across in all his social interactions in P5. Well, not all, actually; there was one character whose exchanges with the mc came across as genuine even when virtually nothing else did. Yeah, you guessed it: Akechi.
I’m taking a brief interlude here to talk about Akechi, because my social experiment with the mc’s romances actually ended up underlining how similar he and Akechi are as people. It’s what the game hints at continuously with the whole ~two sides of the same coin stuff anyway, but the point really gets hammered home when you repeatedly watch the mc fake his way through life just like Akechi puts on his own double persona (pun not intended). In that sense, it’s only natural that the two would recognize each other as equals, and that their interactions ring more sincere than any other discussion they have in the game.
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But back to serial dating, if you will. After Chihaya, I started dating Hifumi the shogi girl, but to be completely honest I sort of mentally fazed her out; with every new girl I tricked into dating me, the initial unease seemed to diminish until I couldn’t remember what had made me feel so disgusted in the first place. I mean, I was already lying to so many people, what did it matter if I lied to one more, right? It’s not like I actually hung out with anyone ever again after I “entered a relationship” with them, and it’s not like my actions carried over to pre-scripted cutscenes, so who cares, right? Nobody (well, apart from a physical game engine) was forcing these girls to believe my bullshit, so really, the fault was theirs for being so gullible, right!!11
…Well, I might have been able to go along with that type of douchebag logic if I’d only kept dating randos. Since I skipped Makoto, the next girl I got cozy with was Futaba… and this is where the skeezy-ville started to nag on my consciousness again, because like with Ann, you know that Futaba’s been through A Lot: she basically spent the past couple of years as a hikikomori, convinced that her mother committed suicide because of her. Trust is a really big thing for her, so throwing a cheating mc into that equation gets really ugly when you think about how he gains that trust just to betray it. When you add in Sojiro, you’re essentially screwing both of them over while pretending to be a happy little family. If you take these events at face value, it kinda makes you wonder: seriously dude, what on earth is your damage?!
If that wasn’t disturbing enough, we finish with Haru. She is also running from one abuser but, if dating a cheating mc, kind of ends up in the arms of another. Although she enters the story fairly late in the game, it’s no less shitty to listen to her be so grateful for your “support”, knowing you’ve sat through variations of this scene with half a dozen other girls already. I just kind of kept staring at the mc’s poker face (pun not intended, again) while wondering how much worse it seems that none of these choices affect anything tangible in the game, even when the whole theme is helping other people (and shitty authority figures, sure, but mainly helping people).
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And you know, it’s really that endless poker face that gives the whole thing such a weird ass vibe: this is a 17-year-old kid who’s moved to Tokyo for a year, and ends up constructing a meticulously crafted fake personality that has everyone treating him like the greatest guy on earth. If you perceive this as the intended story (as opposed to the mismatch of a fixed script and optional gameplay choices that it actually is), Persona 5 suddenly becomes a story much darker than its original premise. Who is the real mc, and why is he doing any of this? What is his actual sense of truth and justice, if he spins it so grotesquely to suit his given situation? How troubled does he have to be for this kind of behaviour to emerge, and what caused it?
I know getting busted on Valentine’s Day is played mainly for laughs, but when you put all this together it’s obvious just getting dumped doesn’t even begin to cover the actual consequences of the mc’s actions should have. For the 100% fake personality he’s clearly constructed up until this point, how anyone can still follow him into the depths of Mementos is beyond me. But hey, I know we’re not operating on earth logic here.
Still, as I mentioned, this levels the mc with Akechi a lot – suddenly it’s very hard to condemn Akechi, even in theory, for the route he ended up taking in life, because isn’t the mc basically doing the same thing? Taking advantage of as many people he can to advance his own ends, with the only difference that he ended up on the winning side? Not only that, but it makes it harder to root for the “good guys”, knowing that you’re not a good guy – you’re just some guy with a big enough charm stat to make people follow your fake ideals, whatever those might in reality be.
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Personally, I was also surprised at how easy it was to go from “this is horrible I hate this I can’t lie to these girls” to the “eh whatever, I’ve done this long enough that I’ve distanced myself from giving a shit”, then back to “oh shit oh shit this is so wrong” over the course of a single game. I know this sounds like a hyperbole, but in that sense I’m… actually not that surprised at how people find themselves ignoring those same patterns in real life. Which is why it’s so disheartening there’s only one scene dedicated to the consequences; it would be so interesting if there was something more tangible to remind the player that yeah, you’re entitled to picking these options, but it does turn the mc into someone pretty damn messed up.
I mean, damn – by December I’d maxed out all my social links, and suddenly had shit all to do, and because I couldn’t sit through a single fake date with one of my fake ass girlfriends again, I ended up making my mc train every day and night just so I had something to occupy my time between going out and murdering things in Mementos and/or a palace. Watching him do shirtless pull-ups in his room I sorta realized: Oh my god, I turned my mc into a high school version of Patrick Bateman. This game sure took a turn.
So I suppose the point of this story time is that while dating anyone in P5 (and most Persona games, I’d assume) is ultimately only a gameplay element meant for the player’s extra entertainment, sometimes those seemingly superfluous gameplay elements can turn into unintentional story elements – in this case, an experiment of how easily lying to one person turns into lying to everyone, and how sometimes it’s not that easy to tell at what point you stop being genuine at all. Wow, them video games, huh? Always a source of profound inspiration.... or something.
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islamcketta · 4 years
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2019 has been a busy year. Between raising a 4 year-old, investing in my adult relationships, making Head of Content at my day job, and trying (always) to keep writing, I have not blogged here as much as I’ve wanted to. I have been reading, though, and I thought I’d take one quick pass at sharing all the things I loved most with you in one fell swoop. I’ve linked to longer reviews that I did manage to write, and at the end of the post I’ve included links to where my own (recent-ish) work can be found.
On Being an Artist
Witches’ Dance by Erin Eileen Almond
Classical music, madness and a tale of genius that doesn’t go quite the way you think it will? Mix that all up with some great writing and you have Witches’ Dance. This book helped me get past some of the fears I have about committing to the artist’s life (and I’m so grateful).
What Light Can Do: Essays on Art, Imagination, and the Natural World by Robert Hass
This book sits in the precarious pile of “books I can’t live without” to my right as I type right now. Bob Hass is always thoughtful and intelligent and this collection of essays covers so many topics I love—from poetry to fiction to art—and reading it was like spending an evening in deep conversation with the dearest of friends. In one essay where he’s writing of Judith Lee Stronach, Hass says, “the practice of poetry was for her, a centering, a way of being clear-eyed, of discovering feeling in verbal rhythm” which helped me see why I’ve returned to this essential practice in recent years.
Create Dangerously: The Immigrant Artist at Work by Edwidge Danticat
There are many things to admire about this collection of essays by Danticat, but what I connected to most was the connection she made between being an immigrant and being an artist. “Self-doubt is probably one of the stages of acclimation in a new culture. It’s a staple for most artists” perfectly captured for me the combination of humility and striving for better that drives my own artistic practice. Danticat’s insightful reflects on her own experiences and those of other artists living between cultures is a worthwhile read, whether you’re interested in art or simply the human condition.
Ambition and Survival: Becoming a Poet by Christian Wiman
Somewhere in the middle of musings on the loneliness of poetry, the need for technique in writing, and the importance of the negative space that silence imparts in poetry, Wiman accomplished the very rare achievement of making me laugh aloud while reading. He also reminded me that part of the beauty of America (which can be hard to see these past years) is how much change is part of our very essence. This is a good book to read to osmotically improve your work while growing your own artistic survival suit.
On Womanhood Today
Red Clocks by Leni Zumas
Red Clocks is the dystopia we all fear is right around the corner. It’s brilliantly constructed to portray a myriad of women’s individual experiences while also reflecting the many sides of what could happen if we don’t protect the rights of women. It scared me right into action and I’d highly recommend it if you need a kick in the pants.
Landscape with Sex and Violence by Lynn Melnick
I read this book in a hospital in Spokane while someone I love was being ravaged by a surgeon’s knife. It was strangely appropriate and adequately devastating given that the book is about the life of a sex worker. It’s a painful book to read and also an important one as it humanizes the women we so often fail to see. It’s helped me look more deeply at the lives of those forgotten women in my own community, like learning about the number of serial rapists victimizing them within a few miles of my home.
What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence
Mothers and daughters… it’s a fraught landscape that’s ripe for literary mining. The essays in this book do just that. From abuse to deep love, it’s a worthy read that’s helping me heal.
blud by Rachel McKibbens
I saw McKibbens perform one of the poems from this collection at AWP this year… about the rape of her grandmother and how the man helped her make sandwiches for her boys after. The mundanity of the violence against women in this book is devastating, because it’s everywhere and it’s accepted and because McKibbens is brave enough to look it right in the face and name it.
The Guineveres by Sarah Domet
Being a teenaged girl is hard. Being a woman trying to love the teenaged girl you once were is not easy either, but this book put me sweetly in the mindset of that time in my own life in ways that helped me heal a bit (all while telling a compelling story). I loved the myriad portraits of the different Guineveres—they were a good reminder to look deep into any group to see beyond the stereotypes you think define them.
Educated by Tara Westover
If you haven’t yet read this memoir of growing up in a fundamentalist LDS household in Idaho, you might be alone. I read it while flying over Idaho and Montana and it brought back so many memories of what it was like to live in a place where individual rights are paramount to everything. Westover’s writing is really, really good and her portraits of a very flawed family are as loving as they are terrifying.
We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
This little book speaks big, even just from its title. I was gifted this book during a semi-annual Ladies and Literature event that I live for because it’s an evening filled with intelligent, worldly women talking about the books they’ve loved. The premise seems so obvious and yet I know how necessary it is. The woman who gifted it to me said she was glad I was getting it because someday my son should read it, too. It’s based on Adichie’s TED talk, but goes deeper, so start with this video and then commit to the full 52 pages some afternoon when you have a moment to become a better human:
For the Craft
The Story of My Face by Kathy Page
If you struggle at all writing compelling suspense, this book is deeply educational (and it’s a great read to boot). We learn very early that this strange story begins with the protagonist’s face being horribly disfigured as a teenaged girl. As the book weaves between the now of her adulthood investigating the odd religious sect she once encountered and the then which led to her injury we are constantly reminded that there is a story to her face. But Page knows that all the details leading up to that story (both in the then and in the now) are compelling enough that she can dangle the mere mention as we follow her like salivating dogs through the full narrative. It’s a fascinating read for a non-writer. For a writer, it’s essential.
Shapes of Native Nonfiction
I could have put this book, deservedly, under any number of categories, but I chose this one because the essay by Stephen Graham Jones shook me to my artistic core. It’s a gorgeous collection of writing by Native authors and I learned many names I should have known long ago. This anthology is filled with artful essays about everything from literary craft to the deep pains inflicted on Native peoples as the US was colonized. I am grateful to the editors (one of whom I call a friend) for expanding my reading horizons and allowing me to read much more deeply about the country I call home.
The Paris Review, Issue 228
I’ve been reading The Paris Review for ages, because it made me feel smart, cultured, and literary long before I had the guts to just write already. But I haven’t always connected with the work in the magazine, especially the poems. This is the best issue of the magazine I’ve read to date. The interviews introduced me to new and exciting ideas, the stories were fascinating, and I think I loved every single poem.
House of Day, House of Night by Olga Tokarczuk
Is there any fame in saying I loved Tokarczuk before the Nobel? This book is layered and complex and exceedingly well written. I wanted to read it because it reminded me of the Poland I once knew, but what I got was a much better understanding of how telling a story from a wide variety of perspectives yields nuance and beauty.
A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki
I already wrote in depth about how very much I enjoyed the braided narrative of this book. It’s accessible and yet complex and I was recommending it to a friend just this week. I love Ozeki’s work. This might be her best book yet.
Field Notes on Science & Nature
I learned about this book in a session on poets who cheat on poetry with prose during AWP. Or maybe it was about prose writers cheating on prose (with poetry) but the upshot is that there are so many ways to see the world that we ignore if we’re just looking at literature. This book included a wide variety of scientific perspectives that were fascinating and also very enriching. I loved it so much I bought if for my sister-in-law. I also shoved my copy into my husband’s to-read pile. When asked recently what was the thing I loved most about my son I said, “He’s curious about the world.” This book is for the curious. Enjoy!
To Love Widely the World
McSweeney’s #52
This particular issue of McSweeney’s focused on stories of movement and displacement and I adored it. I met authors I’d never read before (particularly a couple from Africa that blew my mind) and felt that glorious thrill of seeing how very similar and how very different we are at the same time. I learned new techniques of storytelling and dug into histories I’d never really understood before. It’s a fantastic read that only lacked for not including anything by Elena Georgiou.
Night of the Golden Butterfly by Tariq Ali
When I started this post I’d only read this last book of Ali’s Islam Quintet and I wanted to recommend it here because I loved the ways the diverse array of characters helped me look at modern-day Pakistan anew (and also because it reminded me of travel tales my dad would tell me about the Khyber Pass when I was a kid). But the holidays wore on and I continued to be obsessed with this series and I’m now almost done with three more books in it. I’ve learned about Muslim Spain, Saladin, and turn of the (last) century Turkey and I can’t get enough. The best books are the ones where Ali really flexes the dialogues between the characters, but I’m loving them all and how they’re adding layers and layers to my understanding of the world.
Turn Me Loose: The Unghosting of Medgar Evers by Frank X. Walker
A poet friend recommended this book to me at AWP this year and I was very glad I read it. Not only did it help me expand my own understanding of the Civil Rights era in the US (something we could all use a refresh on, it seems), but I learned specifically about Medgar Evers. The switching of voices between Evers’ wife and that of his killer and his killer’s wife was devastating and rich. Read this to break through “our great tradition / of not knowing and not wanting to know.”
Video Night in Kathmandu and Other Reports from the Not-So-Far East by Pico Iyer
I love Pico Iyer’s way of looking at the world as a sort of permanent exile. The experience of being in-between cultures is something I always relate to and it’s in his work that I feel most at home. I don’t know if this book is better than The Global Soul, but it’s the book of his that I’ve most recently read and I very much enjoyed the throwback feeling of reading about a completely inaccessible China (among many other things) and thinking about how far we have (and have not) come.
BOMB Magazine, Number 146
BOMB has to be my A-1 magazine for inspiration. Although it’s only published quarterly, I carry it with me for weeks on the bus as I read interviews between artists of all types to learn about the synchronicities in artistic practice and what parts of the zeitgeist different disciplines are feasting off of now. This particular issue is one of the best so far. I don’t know if it’s because the throughline of water helped me look deep into the very many ways that one subject can be approached or if it’s because it raised my environmental and social awareness or maybe because it exposed me to more Native artists than I’ve ever encountered. But it was fantastic and I hope to carry it on the bus for many weeks to come.
If you’re interested in reading any of these books for yourself, please visit Powell’s and I’ll earn a small commission.
My Own Publications
Touting your own work is always a little weird, but I am proud of my writing and this has been a good year for getting poems published with 34 submittals (most of which contain multiple poems) and four acceptances. Two aren’t yet published, but here’s where you can find the two that have been, plus some other work I may have forgotten to ever mention.
“Bhanu Kapil in the Night.” Minerva Rising: Issue 17. In print only. “Kenneth Patchen on a Bookshelf.” {isacoustic*}. Online. “Re: Emergence.” Riddled with Arrows. Online. “The Needle.” antiBODY. Online “Swans.” Towers & Dungeons: Lilac City Fairy Tales Volume 4. In print only. “Marco Polo.” Poetry on Buses, 4Culture, King County. Online.
I also published “Yet All Memory Bends to Fit” at Cascadia Rising Review. Their site is currently under construction, so I’m including the text here:
“Yet All Memory Bends to Fit”
Reading Harjo I see the end of my memory— her ancestors, my severed line not at the ocean, but even after. Though we paint pysanki, our frozen pierogi are served with a side of poppy seed cake, courtesy of Moosewood. And the branches more established? Daughter of the American Revolution, I once ran a welcome wagon (kind of) until my wealth ran out, or I was given up, my siblings too many. I Rosied rivets and spoke Welsh with the old nostalgic for an accent I’d never heard. What can I claim? How can I know where I start if I can only love the memory of coal dust that darkens upper leaves. And maybe that’s what’s with this city wrong, where so many of us came to start anew— severed, floating while all around us Natives hunkered down, frozen shadows, street corners and basements— a tripline of roots we’d rather not see.
Cheers to a new year of reading adventures in 2020. Please always feel free to share your favorite books with me. It’s a wonderful way to connect to what makes us human.
The post The Best Things I Read in 2019 appeared first on A Geography of Reading.
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