#i am gonna lose my ever loving fucking mind

[ysrjune]

Tell Me What You Want

pairing - scott monroe, sam monroe 🍒

summary - sam and scott are twins, both have a crush on you.

part 5! of tell me what you want

Scott stayed over at his friends house for a whole week. He had texted his parents that he was staying over, but not with a reason. He was old enough to make his own decisions, so they had only told him they loved him and to be safe. Scott explained the whole story to his friend, Ray. The poor boy cried his heart out to Ray after explaining it all. Scott was never the kind of guy to think being emotional was stupid or something to be ashamed of. Neither was Ray. “You'll find another girl, Scott. She doesn't deserve you.”

“Ray, you don't get it. I don't want somebody else! I want her. I've always wanted her.” He sniffled, making Ray sigh. He knew how much you meant to Scott no matter what you did to him. “Why don't you just talk to her, man. You've been ignoring her texts and calls all week.”, “Because I don't know what to say. Am I supposed to apologize? Expect her to apologize?”

“Why are you gonna apologize to her? You didn't do anything but love her. You only dated her for a couple of weeks, but I'm pretty sure you're the best boyfriend she's ever had.” Ray was right. You've dated guys behind your parents' back, but never lasted long because they were all jerks and only dated you because you're pretty.

Scott didn't reply to Ray. He just stared at the ground, mind blank. It's not like you were his only problem, either. He had to apologize to Sam. Even if what Sam did was fucked up, he tried to explain, and Scott didn't let him. Then again, he always forgave Sam for everything, especially when they were kids. “Scott?” Ray repeated his name for the 3rd time. “Huh?” His puffy eyes shifted to the boy.

“She's calling again. Are you gonna pick up this time?” Scott looked down to the ringing phone. He sighed and answered. “Hello?” He sounded so congested. You nearly think you're gonna have a heart attack just from hearing his voice again. “Bab—” He was quick to cut you off. “Scott,” Yeah, you really messed up.

“Scott,” you sighed. “Listen, you don't have to forgive me. I know what I did was wrong, and I should have told you. But I wanted you to know that I want you. You were the first boy to make every second count in our relationship. If you were on the phone while we were hanging out, you held my hand. You never stopped texting me throughout the day. You took me out almost everyday—you spent all your time with me. Dating or not. I know you probably don't want me anymore, but.. I'm sorry. You deserve the biggest apology ever.”

“I'm sorry too.” Sam's voice chimed in, making Scott a little taken back. “I'm your brother, I should act like it. I never meant to hurt you, Scott. I didn't know what I was doing. I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did, but I hope you can. I don't wanna lose my brother's love and trust.” His voice cracked a little. It sounded like he was trying not to cry. “Please, Scott. I can't eat or even sleep knowing that you're this upset with me. I want my brother back.” It wasn't any form of lying or manipulation. You could tell Sam was genuinely sorry.

Scott was silent throughout the whole phone call. Not because he didn't want to answer, but because he didn't know what to say. He never ever received any apologies like this. Was he supposed to say it's okay? thank you? Absolutely clueless until Ray mouthed ‘thank you’ to Scott, helping him out. The blonde bit his lip and hesitantly answered.

“Thank you.” Then he hung up.

You and Sam look at each other, confused. “Um. Do you think he actually forgives us?” You ask Sam. “More like did he forgive us at all.” He sighed and turned on his back, grabbing a pillow and hugging it over his chest. “I think he needs more time. He'll come around eventually.”

“You dont know that.” You say, picking at your nails. “Kay, I dont wanna sound stuck up, but, like. I know he's gonna come back and accept our apology if he already didn't. Scott's a very forgiving person.” It did sound stuck up, but you trusted Sam's word. I mean, they're brothers. He would definitely know of Scott would forgive him or not.

Scott didn't come home until a week after your phone call. Sam told you not to come over either, so you waited even longer. You didn't even get any updates. However, you did hear yelling coming from next door. You could make out a few words, like “idiot” and “whore”. What if that was Scott saying that you're a whore? No, he would never.. you think.

2 days passed since Scott came back. You scrolled on social media to find that Scott had posted something on his story, but you didn't wanna open it too fast in case he has just barely posted it, so you decided to wait 15 minutes. God, those were the longest 15 minutes of your life, but once they were over, you clicked his story. It was a dumb photo of Sam side eyeing the camera with his smudged eyeliner and messy hair.

Okay, so things seem to be fine with them if both of them are in Sam's room. As long as they weren't fighting, you were happy. At this point, you couldn't think of reasons why Scott would forgive you. At least you didn't have them stop talking to each other for the rest of their lives.

Later on, Chris knocked at your door. He knew the whole story since the day after everything went down. Your brother was the only one keeping you sane right now. He offered to take you out to eat and to shop, which was super sweet. Did he think you were a slut? No, but was he disappointed? Yes. But no matter what, you're his little sister and will always be there for you.

He tried so hard to keep your mind off those boys and was successful, but only until he left. Today, he had news.

“Scott asked me if he could come over later. I'm gonna talk to Sam about Alyssa, and.. well, yknow. You're gonna talk to Scott.” Chris mumbled, holding your hand. He knew you were scared. What was Scott going to tell you? Was he officially gonna end things? You had no idea.

“Thank you, Chris.” He was confused. Why the hell were you thanking him? “For?” He asked, cracking your fingers. “For being there for me even when I was the one in the wrong.” Tears filled your eyes. He looked up at you and smiled, rolling his eyes. “Aw, come on. Don't cry, you dork.” He pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head.

“You're my sister, I'm always gonna be there for you.”

Tears were shed.. mostly by you—and lots of affection was shared the whole time you thanked your brother. But then the time came around when Scott was coming over. You quickly fixed yourself up while Chris went to the door to get Scott and leave to talk to Sam.

The door opened, and your heart dropped. Scott looked.. good? For some reason, you expected him to look like he's had no sleep or whatever, but he looked normal. “Why?” He asked, standing at the door.

That simple question really said a lot. You bit your lip, not knowing exactly what to say. He sighed, looking out your door, then back to you and closing it. “You had so much to say over the phone, but now you dont wanna say a god damn thing?” His words were a little cold, but his voice was soft just like it always was.

“Angel, come on. You don't have to be scared to tell me what was goin’ on. Im asking you why.” The name he always called you gave a little bit of comfort. “I dont know, Scott, I'm sorry! I was stupid. I didn't think about what I was doing!” Your voice cracked, and tears started running down your rosy cheeks. Scott seemed a little frustrated that you were the one crying, but he didnt say anything.

“I just had a thing for Sam, I guess. After we..” You looked at him. You didn't even say you had sex with his brother, but obviously, he knew what you meant.. and he looked sad about it. “But when we were done, he said he was never gonna do it again. I'm pretty sure he was gonna ignore me afterward.”

“So do you like me, or do you like Sam.” He made eye contact. Seriously, was he not gonna cry? It embarrassed you that you were the one crying. “I like you, Scott. I love you. I realized I took you for granted before we were together. I realized how much you really liked me and how great of a boyfriend you are.”

“Do you mean that, or are you just saying it so I'll forgive you.” How could he even say that, of course you meant it! “Scott, I mean it. I regret doing that to you.” He came closer, standing in front of you while you were sitting on your bed. “Okay, I forgive you.” He crossed his arms, sighing. “Do you wanna give this another try? I mean. I still have feelings for you, baby. Nothing will change that.”

Wow, he really was a forgiving person. It surprising he was giving you a second chance, and who would you be to say no. “Yes. I wanna try again.” You nodded, looking up at him. Those eyes he loved so much. Even though your eyes were red and puffy, they were still mesmerizing to him. “Well, I shouldn't have put it like that, I guess. We never broke up in the first place. So think of it as we're not in a tight spot anymore.”

You nod as he fell to his knees, now pretty much the same height as you. “You gotta promise you'll never do some dumb shit like that again. Not to me, not to any other guy if we really do end up breaking up eventually.” You nod. “Will you stop nodding at me and use your words, please?” His hands rested on your thighs. You wanted to nod again but didn't. “I won't do it again, Scott. I won't ever be stupid like that again.”

“Good.” His hands left your thighs so that he could wrap his arms around your chest. You slide a little to reach him and hug him over the shoulders. You buried your face in his neck, kissing it gently. “I missed you, Scotty.”

“I missed you too.” He rubbed your back and pulled back to see your face. “Can I kiss y—” You didn't let him finish that question. As soon as you heard kiss, you went for it. It was slow and passionate. It turned into a little bit of a makeout, but hey! who were you to complain.

Afterward, he wiped your cheek with his thumb and smiled. “You taste good.” He let out a little chuckle. “Like cherries.” You smile back, digging your hand into his blonde hair. “It's the chapstick you bought me a few weeks ago, remember. You said you liked cherries and wanted my lips to taste like them everytime we kiss.”

“Bold of you for assuming we'd kiss tonight.” He pinched your cheek. “Yeah, well, it was definitely an assumption.”

Hours went by while you two really got deeper into the whole thing. He told you that he was anxious about even coming over to talk to you and that he was actually just gonna end up breaking up with you after you gave him an explanation. But of course, he didn't, and also told you why.

More kisses were shared, along with hugs. “I love you, angel.” he whispered into your ear as you fell asleep in his arms.

It took the rest of the summer to even get a little more comfortable around both boys, but it happened. School started up again, so you didn't get to see Scott all day, but once you got home, he was outside your porch.

God, telling your parents that you were dating Scott sent them to another planet, but at least it was Scott! If it was anyone else, your dad probably would've threatened to shoot them. Sam liked to keep his distance from you, which was understandable. But that didn't mean he was gonna stop saying hi when he saw you, or give a hug here and there when you came over.

Scott was such a good boyfriend, indeed. Taking you out almost every day to hang out just to eat. When you were just friends, he got along with your parents just well, but now that he was over more, his dad LOVED him.. mostly cause Scott would actually pay attention to your dad's nonsense and genuinely enjoy it.

“I dont know how you dont tell him to shut up and leave.” You say, combing his hair while he laid in between your thighs. “I dont know how you do! He tells me all these things from when he was in high school and stuff. I like hearing about it.” He shrugged. “Mm.” You hum. He smirked and turned himself around, burying his face in your clothed crotch.

This made you a little nervous since, well, the last time he's ever touched you was THAT day. “Scott, what are you doing..” You asked, hips bucking when he rubbed his thumb up and down on your crotch. “Nothing. Can I not touch my girlfriend? Make her feel good?” He bit his lip, making eye contact.

Yeah, this was going somewhere good cause you being all nervous and shy turned him on real bad and ended up with him eating your pussy and fingering you. At least he was being slow and gentle. Your parents were home, too, so the risk excited him a little more.

And of course! he fucked you, too! he even recorded it.

Scott Monroe is the best boyfriend you could ask for. He always knows what to say when you're sad, what to do when you're mad, and how to just keep you happy. He loved you so much. He was already fantasizing about marrying you after 3 years of staying together. Yeah, you both were still young, but he was never gonna let you leave him..

-

I KNOW YALL HATE ME UGHH IM SORRY I JUST COULDNT DO DATING BOTH @ THE SAME TIME CAUSE THEN IT'D END UP IN MORE PARTS AND IM LAZY 4 THAT 💔 anyway erm!! the part where hes like ermm eating you out I was lwk thinking of it being like this (8:46 — 19:33) but jajaaj anyways tell me what you want is FINISHED 😈😈😈

@heartsforanakin @sockiess @anakinstwinklebunny 🎀

#hayden christensen #sam monroe #life as a house #scott barringer #sam monroe x you #sam monroe x reader #scott barringer imagine #scott barringer x reader #higher ground #scott barringer x you

[teddybeartoji]

thinking a lot of thoughts about bf!gojo :(

he will be the sweetest bf ever.. it's a bit concerning with how attached he is to you, bordering on codependency but he just cant help it he loves you too much :(( everytime youre both together on something like lunch with friends or hanging out the sight of you two is enough to give anyone who spares a glance cavities.. his eyes are so in love and hes always got that dopey smile on his face, his touch is always gentle and caring despite him being a teasing asshole sometimes 😭

and behind closed doors ... dear god this man is INSATIABLE.. always has to have a hand around you and touching you !!!! and his sex drive.. erm.. yeah.. idk i see him as the type to want to do it everyday because he just loves you too much and he doesnt know what to do with himself and all this love he has !!!! theres something sweet about him just always wanting you and wanting to make you feel good eufnhffhehrjfnf

the stark difference between you two being such a sweet couple in public but also .. having seen each other INSIDE OUT quite literally is so hot and cute.. :( that level of intimacy .. :((( BF!GOJO WE NEED YOU !!!!!! ok this has gotten too long im sorry HAVE A GOOD DAY THANK YOU

HIIII MY SWEETHEART I'M SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! BUT I'M HERE I'M HERE I'M HERE!!!!! I'M HERE AND I'M FEELING TERRIBLY SOFT FOR HIM AND I NEED TO HAVE HIM IN MY ARMS RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!!!! i agree with everything you've said nonnie!!!! and i am covering you in kisses as thanks!!!! mwah mwah mwah!!!! wait also!!!!!!!!!!!! more exclamation marks!!!!!! please please please don't apologize for rambling!!!!!!!!!! i will always hear you out!!!!! i want more actually!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok everybody get comfortable bc i have some of bf!gojo headcanons for you!!!!

his pupils are literal hearts whenever he's with and whenever he's Thinking about you!!!! (i'm saying that his pupils are always like that)(he is simply unable to get you off his head)(he's not even trying)(he's so fucking in love with you).

he's constantly resting his head on your head or on your shoulder. this just came to me. he wraps his hands around your middle and he always gives you a squeeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a kiss on your neck. and he probably (read: definitely) smells you. and then hums into your skin. omfg i need to hug him so badly. i am losing my mind here nonnie...

okay and i just talked abt him taking naps with you too, right? and i just can't stop thinking about him always taking pics of you whenever you fall asleep on top of him:(((((((((((((( drooling or not, he's taking the pic!!!!!! AND i truly believe that he has begged (literally begged down on his hands and knees) shoko and suguru, so that they'll take pics of the two of you together aswell!!! satoru has a folder with like a THOUSAND pics of you both just napping together:((( he goes through it whenever he's really missing you:(((((((

ok and he loves taking showers and baths with you. loves, loves, loves. he just wants to sit under or in the water with you, just feeling your skin against him. feeling your heartbeat against him. he likes the intimacy of it all. it's so tender and so soft and so loving and he just wants to do everything with you. he's gonna take a fucking piss with you if you'd only let him.

he loves your smile sm. this is such a basic little concept but he does. nothing else in this sick world brings him as much joy as your smile and laughter. and oh my fucking god his heart feels like it's going to explode whenever he makes you laugh (which is all the time let's be honest he's very fucking funny and he is not afraid of making himself look like a fool just for you<3). he loves it when you laugh at cat videos, he loves it when you laugh at whatever the fuck is playing on the tv and he loves it when you laugh at a joke one of his friends make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he goes a little insane whenever he sees you having fun with his friends:((((((((((((((((((((( it just means the world to him:(((( and you and the younger ones too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg when he sees you coddling gumi and yuuji and nobara:((((((((((((((((( stop, he literally feels like he's going to cry every time i am also crying i can't do this anymore

btw he always swings your hands whenever his fingers are interwiened with yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!! and he has that big dopey smile on his lips again and his dimples are showing and he's laughing so loudly that everybody is turning to look at you both on the street but you couldn't care any less!!!!!!! how could you when your boyfriend is making your heart grow twice the size it was before and you just feel so giddy and so full of love and you want to kiss him stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he loves spending his morning with you. i actually think of him as more of a morning person actually idk how popular that concept is but yeah. don't get me wrong - he refuses to let you up from the bed for at least an hour after you wake up but he does have a lot of energy. he wants to kiss and he wants to hug and he wants to tickle and he wants you to play with his hair and he wants and he wants and he wants and you will give and give and give!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's a little lovesick puppy and he needs your attention like he needs air!!!!!

and then he wants you to brush his teeth for him. yes. you read that right. he sits you down onto the bathroom counter and bares his teeth at you like the puppy that he is and HE'S SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEE FUCKKKK CUTENESS AGGRESSION IS SO REAL I NEED TO JUST SQUEEZE HIM A LITTLE AAAAAAAAAAA I NEED TO PINCH HIS CHEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! he still looks sleepy and his smile is so fucking big and his hands are resting on your hips, his thumbs are drawing hearts into your skin. and he most definitely kisses you before he actually rinses his mouth.............. and then laughs when the toothpaste gets all over you. it's a mess and he's laughing and you're in love.

he loves it when you baby him. he does ask for it as a joke but when you genuinely do it he gets a little flustered. the tips of his ears always turn into a shade of dark pink and he's looking at you like puss in boots. you know what i'm talking abt. big eyes, fluttering eyelashes - he loves you so fucking much. he loves it when you tuck him in bed, he loves it when you kiss his nose, he loves it when you pinch his cheeks i am biased i just said i want to do that don't look at me, he loves it when you tickle him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT STOP HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU TICKLE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! HE WANTS YOU TO STRADDLE HIM AND TICKLE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM HE WANTS TO LAUGH WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i died

he also loves it when you cling to him. in any way. hands around his neck, around his body, around his arms - it does not matter. he wants you to quite literally climb him like a tree. he loves it when you snuggle into him and when you refuse to let him go. and when you hold his hand and try to stop him from leaving. he's not going to go. it doesn't take a lot for him to give into you. he's folding immediately. he doesn't want to go either. he loves it when you're needy. he loves it when you whine. he loves it when you tease him. he might pop a boner. at everything you do. he just loves you sooooooooooo muchh!!

18+ HE IS INSATIABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS THEE LOVERBOY!!!!!! i think he does like to get a taste of you every single day, no matter whether it's actually having sex or it's eating you out or it's just making out or it's entertaining you with his beautiful slender fingers or it's dry humping etcetcetc. he wants to touch you, he wants to feel you - it's a must!!

i already said it but he loves intimacy!!!! like yeah ofc he likes his freaky sex as much as the next guy (he most definitely likes it more than the next guy) but he loooooves when he can just be in the moment with you!! he's always savouring you - holding your hand when his burying his dick deep inside you, he's snaking his arm around your body as he grinds into you from behind. he's licking and nipping at your skin because he just can't get enough of you. he's sucking on your tongue, he's pressing your hips down against his, he's kissing every fucking inch of your body. i truly think he wants to eat you and he wants to devour you and he wants to merge the two of you together forever<33

okay i have officially melted away... i am a puddle of love Goo... ily nonnie

#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #HE'S SOOOO SWEET:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( #I AM FEELING SOOOOO SOFT ABT HIM RN:((((((((((((( #MY BABY MY LOVE MY DEAREST OF THEM ALL #ok didn't mean to make that rhyme but go off ig #i luv him i luv him i luv him #i want to kiss him i want to cuddle him i want to live with him i want to spend every second of my life with him i'm fine #mickey is daydreaming #angel boy #gojo satoru #gojo satoru headcanons #gojo headcanons #gojo fluff

[dazai-ritualist]

BURNT OUT

— love comes in different forms; some are passionate, and some are quiet. and, some loves are meant to burn out

— this is so me and my ex friends core xx

out of all the positions in hell to be, being the lover of the radio demon isn’t so bad. he’s quite the gentleman and very kind. he gives you everything you need— materialistic desires, home cooking with his own recipes, even his love.

but, his love— it doesn’t feel real. or moreso, it doesn’t feel genuine. from the people in your lives; love is supposed to be fiery, passionate, and strong. yet, alastor’s love is quiet, but undying. every touch gave you butterflies, yet there was no passion in his fingertips when he’d hold you close. he didn’t treat you differently from how he treats others, why? did he just not see you as worthy of special treatment? of his affection? as stupid as it sounds, you felt neglected and tossed aside like a little lost puppy.

still, you stayed. ‘he just doesn’t know how to show it, it’s okay.’ you always thought. and while true, it started to get harder to reason with the part of you desperate for his time, his story behind the man, his everything. you tried to reach out— hold him and let him be vulnerable, but he refused. after all, alastor is a dignified man, he wouldn’t cry in front of anyone. he has to always keep that calm demeanor of his.

in the end, you started to lash out, picking disagreements with alastor, because ‘if he’s arguing with me, he must care for me to some extent. right..?’. everyday, there’d be another small thing that you’d be angry at. and at the end of it all, everything blew up in your face when you yelled out those three words— ‘i hate you.’

you didn’t mean it, you don’t hate alastor. you just… yearn for him so much, it makes you angry. and, that in turn, makes you think you hate him. “do you now? what is it about me that you loathe so much?” alastor mused, raising an eyebrow at you.

“ugh!” you grunted, your mind running paces as you tried to think of something to say. “didn’t i tell you before, dear? i am a demon to my soul, no amount of love from you could ever change that.” he spat out, almost coldly. “well, you’re right! is that what you want to hear?!” you rolled your eyes. “you’re right, alastor! i couldn’t fix you, i shouldn’t have even fucking tried!” you glared at him, desperately hoping that he has something to say.

“are you done now?” he asked, tilting his head.

“no, i’m not done!” you stomped towards him, coldly staring him in the eye as you vented out all your frustrations. “is that all that matters to you— the fact that you’re right?! i fell in love with you, for god’s sake! you shouldn’t have said anything that would’ve gotten my hopes up if you were gonna let me down like this! i stayed because i thought you could learn to love, but again— you’re right, nothing can fix you!” you hissed out, tears starting to wet your face. “and, one day… someone will love me. and, that’ll make you regret losing me.” you sighed out, a weight falling off your chest, as if you’ve been freed from your shackles.

it was then that alastor held you against him, patting your back as he comforted you. yet still, it was as if he wasn’t there at all. it was faint and cold as his claws kept you close to him. “is that what has been troubling you, dear?” he asked. “no, it’s not just that. i’m done, alastor.” you sniffed through your tears. and from your words, he seemingly tensed. “why the sudden change of heart?” alastor asked.

you stared at him in disbelief, did he believe that after all you’ve said, this was just another quarrel? “for someone so smart and collected, you’re kind of stupid when it comes to this stuff.” you said. alastor sucked a breath through his teeth, as if holding his anger back. “i just can’t keep pretending we’ll work. it’s clear we’re not made to love each other, we both still have things from our past that we need to deal with. and, let’s face it— we can’t recover from this. we’re done.”

“i see.” alastor said, his tone uncharacteristically glum and cold despite the smile on his face. his grip on you loosened as he let you go. “you were a wonderful experience, alastor.” you sighed out. “i don’t… hate you at all, i was just angry. and even though we aren’t meant for each other, there’ll always be a part of me that loves you.”

alastor stared at you, amused by your words. “hm. well, that is just darling of you. i will still try to keep you alive, i suppose it is my job after all, ahahaha!” he laughed as you awkwardly stepped away from alastor’s touch.

and, though you yearn for each other, there’s no use in trying to ignite a flame that’s been burnt out.

#you were a wonderful experience!!! YOU WERE… EVERYTHING #written w ppl in mind xx #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hasbin alastor #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor hc #alastor headcanons #alastor the radio demon

[hella1975]

you ever have a fic get you in such a chokehold you start pacing your room and talking to yourself

#THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN FOR ME SPECIFICALLY #BURN IT ALL DOWN BY DOROTHYCANFLY ON AO3 THIS IS GENUINELY ONE OF MY TOP 5 FICS OF ALL TIME EVER #IT'S GOT THE BEST DABI CHARACTERISATION IVE EVER COME ACROSS IT'S GOT REALLY WELL WRITTEN DABIHAWKS #THAT FITS BOTH OF THEM LIKE THEY'RE MEAN AS HELL ABOUT IT AT FIRST #IT'S GOT STUPIDLY DEVOTED TOUYA-SHOUTO IT'S GOT PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER TOUYA #IT'S GOT MENTAL ANGST WRITTEN LIKE A DREAM THE WRITING IN GENERAL IS INSANE #IT'S ACTION PACKED BUT DONE WELL SO THAT IT'S NOT TEDIOUS IT'S FUNNY IT'S GOT TWISTS #IT'S KEEPING ME ON MY TOES I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING OR HOW FAR THE AUTHOR IS WILLING TO GO #IVE LITERALLY READ 300K WORDS IN TWO DAYS AT THIS POINT LIKE I AM ABSOLUTELY FINISHING THIS TONIGHT #WHAT THE FUCK EVEN AM I GONNA DO WITH MYSELF AFTER THIS #EVERY NEW THING THAT HAPPENS LITERALLY HAS ME GETTING UP TO PACE ABOUT #I CLOCKED OUT OF MY MUM TELLING ME OFF EARLIER BC I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS FIC #DO U KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS BASO JUST SIGNED MY DEATH WARRANT BUT I DIDNT CARE #losing my goddamn mind respectfully <3 if anyone has read this pls yell with me about it #and if anyone knows mha and wants a fic rec PLEASE let it be this one it's my fav mha fic ever and ive read A LOT #it gets quite smutty in the middle but if that's not ur thing the author tws very well and u can kinda just scroll #so that u still get the important character developments without it being just pure smut lol #god this FIC. holding it in my fucking fist and squeezing the everloving life out of it im going INSANE #i cant remember the last time a fic got me this way im literally giggling about it all #HE FOUND A REASON TO LIVE AGAIN THEY TOOK THIS MANGLED BLOODY BOY AND SAID WE LOVE YOU #YOU ARE GOOD YOU CAN STAY YOU CAN REST NOW WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND HE CHOSE THEM! HE CHOSE THEM! #OVER HIS REVENGE AND HIS RAGE HE CHOSE THEM! IM GOING TO BE VIOLENTLY SICK #like the author LETS DABI BE A CUNT. the first chunk of the fic he's actively not a good person #and his coping mechanisms are shot to shit and we WATCH HIM GROW FROM THAT i have cried several times over the most mundane shit #goddddddddDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAKSJFJKAGSFIUAHGJKAKG #mha #fic rec

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by

#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it #txt #el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg #putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now #nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left #would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck #shit im so hurt this is the worst #trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds #tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself #and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again #but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg #and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what #and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide #like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort #this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG #denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf #i feel sick #feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out #god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit #and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh #i could really go for a hug right about now s'all

[navree]

i am going to shoot the domina showrunners in the head i have had enough

#personal #what the fuck do you MEAN we're doing this livia/agrippa shit!!!!!! tf!!!!!!!!! WHY #i don't even watch this stupid show i saw a gifset and i have been consumed by the boiling waters of rage #what in the absolute everloving FUCK #why is it so hard to just tell the story the way it was!!!! it's a good story!!!!!! it's interesting!!!!!! #i feel like i wanna fucking die knowing that we're not gonna get anything from this time period for a while after #if hollywood ever gets its shit together and pays the writers and the actors and things start up again #i am just gonna *need* to make my augustus show #i can't be white house chief of staff anymore i gotta make the show so there's like an actual historically accurate and GOOD period piece #about these people i feel like i'm losing my mind #first rome with agrippa and octavia now domina with agrippa and livia for the love of all things holy #these are the most bORING takes #augustus is right there!!!! they were historically really insane about each other!!! lean into it!!!!! god!!!!!!

[nimomo-mo]

vent

#i was hungry today so i think my appetite is coming back despite the pills #and im not sure if thats a good thing #i still cant focus so i mean. lol. lmao even #at least i cant make myself start tasks and my executive dysfunction is as bad as ever #now i have the issue of if i keep getting hungry like before im gonna gain weight again and i dont wanna #look theres nothing wrong with being fat or chubby and god knows im not aiming to be a stick figure but oh my god i dont want to gain weigh #i should work out and get fit like a normal human and that means i should eat right. but i still have that nagging feeling #i love myself. i do. i have the dissociation thing where i cant recognize myself in the mirror tho. and its not good this time. #usually i dont really mind since its like. you know like its not me anyway so what does it matter if that girl is fat or not #but im really self conscious and feel gross and i dont know why it all started back up again #i want to measure it. want to weigh myself. want to count calories and check with measuring tape #but i really shouldnt and i know that if i do i will trigger such a bad episode i might end up in the fucking hospital #i need to hold out until this episode goes away. i need to stand it all until i get my head back together. #i dont wanna get malnutrition or lose weight so fast my skin gets flappy #but every little thing i eat ends up nagging at the back of my head about how if i eat more ill get fat and noone will like me then #its not true. i know its not true. and i know fat people are gorgeous and i am already chubby so what does it matter #but i feel horrible. i dont want to look like this or feel like this or be like this #i want to be the best i can be. i want to reach my full potential. but its not exactly working. i swear to god i wanna love myself #i want to be loved. i want to be adored. i want to be the one someone picks even if the room is full of gorgeous and competent women #i want to be the first choice and for the person to see me as the most beautiful person in the world #to be the first choice and to be everything someone wants and needs. to be the ideal. to be the perfect one even with my flaws #i want someone to look at all the ugly sides of me and look at my fat and my emotional fuckery and my ugly crying and still love me #i want someone to love me so wholeheartedly i wont ever feel like theyd like someone else. that theyd pick someone else. that im not no.1 #i want to be that person you do a double take of. to be the one that people get jealous of. to be the spotlight. to be the prettiest one. #its egoistical and selfish and childish and mean and dumb and naive and self absorbed i know. i know that it is #but its still there and its embarrassing . but im not gonna pretend like i dont have these thoughts and feelings. #im not smart or pretty enough to stand out. i dont know what could make me special. i dont know what i do that makes me unique. #what am i? who am i? how do i get better? i want to be better. i want to be better i want to be better i want to be better #i want to reach a new level i want to reach their level i want to be at the top i want to be special i want to be better i want to be proud #i want to be genuinely proud and special and outstanding enough to not feel insecure or inferior anymore

[raggedyflowers]

“Wrap me like a Christmas gift” 🎁

summary: op men reacting at you being… their christmas gif ?? you wrapped in a red ribbon ??? that’s it, that’s the post

character: Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Law x female reader

cw: 🔞 smut and fluff. oral sex (male and female receiving), penetrative sex — very misuse of ribbon 🎀

Zoro:

the strawhats decided to exchange the Christmas gifts on the desk of the Sunny

you were so happy unwrapping all your present, but even happier when you saw the reaction of your friends when they opened the gifs you made to them

only one persone was left without a gift from you

“Gonna give my gift for you later” you winked at Zoro

“Hope it’s gonna be the biggest bottle of sake” Zoro rolled his eyes

Later when you two were left alone, you smirked to him. “Wanna unwrap your gift now?”

He looked disinterested, but when you lose the knot of your dress and let him saw what you got under it…

or maybe… what you didn’t wear under them

only a red ribbon placed between your breast and a smile on your face

Zoro maybe did lose the capacity of speak

“Woman you’re gonna kill me” he shook his head walking toward you

“Before you die, don’t you wanna enjoy your gift?”

he did enjoyed your gift — all night long

“I — I can’t take it anymore” you mourned after the first two orgasms.

“I though you were my gift” he said to you, lifting his fece buried in your pussy. “Be a good girl and gimme another one on my tongue and then I maybe give you my cock — thing of it as my gift”

the bastard smirked before returning to licking your cunt enjoying his gift

Sanji:

almost everyone was already gone to bed

Sanji was left behind, cleaning the kitchen

“Pretty boy” you called him. “Do you wanna sneak a look at my gift?”

“Of course, love” he said. “Just let me finish here”

“But it’s getting cold” you whined

only in that moment Sanji turned back to your and his face reddened on the spot

He also got a nosebleed

“Y/n, love” he cried

you could only smirk at him, naked but for a apron and a red ribbon between your hair

“Is this your gift?”

“Only for you, pretty”

He walked near to you, kissing with passion and immediately slipping his tongue on your mouth

his hand traveled on your body, brushing against your nipples and making your shivering

“All of this just for me” he whispered to your ear “Am I the luckiest man alive?”

there wasn’t any doubts Sanji would’ve loved your gift

and he proved to you when he bended you on the kitchen table and fucked you against it

“So good for me” he said, voice filler with arousal. “My pretty girl giving me the best gift”

“Yes — yes, only for you” you repeated the mind fuzzy.

He kept pounding you from behind with a fast pace while keeping whispering loving nothings into your heard

“Too bad my gift for your was the same”

“Too bad — we should repeat this on our room”

Ace:

“Hey Hotshot, what gift do you want for Christmas?”

so, your boyfriend was the best… but he wasn’t really helpful in those situations

“I only want you” he said, kissing the top of your head

… really sweet, but you needed something more.

but then and idea come into your head

“Hotshot” you called him some nights later, when everybody was already sleeping after unwrapping their christmas present. “I actually have a gift for you”

Ace looked at you with curious eyes and a beautiful smile on his face

“Did you?” he asked exited

“Yes, but you have to take this off” you smirked pointing at your red and white dress

Ace was taken aback, but then smirked back at your and started to unbuttoning your dress

When he found the red ribbon wrapped around you where your underwear was supposed to be, you felt his hand become even more hotter then usual

“You said you only wanted me as a gift”

“Not what I meant — but so much better”

Maybe he didn’t asked for anything, but your gift was so much better of what he could’ve ever think

“Come on Babydoll, keep going” he said with his hands tightening on your hips while you rode his cock

“Ace ~ ” you moaned with shaking legs. “Can’t you just fuck me already?”

“I thought this was my gift” he said cupping both of your breast with his hands and playing with your nipples

“Okay Hotshot, enjoy this. But after that you’re gonna eat me”

“At your orders, Babydoll”

Law:

Law problem was that he couldn’t tell you what he wanted for dear life — especially in your newfound relationship

you could only try to guess what his desires were

and finding a gift for him had become an impossible mission

maybe what you planned was mundane, but it was the only thing you could’ve thought

“Traffy ~” you called him for the thousand time. “Come to bed already?”

“Just one minute, y/n-ya” he said to you for the tenth time

“If you come now, I’m gonna give you your gift early” you tried to convince him

“You bought me a present?” he asked you, lifting his face from his book for the first time

“Well” you smirked to him. “There is a red ribbon attacked to it… but the ribbon happened to be down there”

When you pointed at yourself his face blushed, even if he tried to hide it under his hat

“I thought it was a gift you wanted to unwrap in private”

He did unwrapped his gift in private, in your shared room, enjoying every second of it

“Traffy — Law, please” you begging him, crying on his fingers insieme of you.

“My baby is so impatient, even if it was my gift”

“Sorry Traffy, I want — want ” you sobbed when his fingers curled inside of you hitting your g spot.

“Tell me, baby, what do you want?”

“You” you moaned. “I want you”

“Where do you want me?” he lowered toward you, kissing you more sweetly compared to his rude movements.

“Inside” you could only say on his lips before kissing him with so much force and desperation.

“Alright” he said. “But you’re being a little selfish, it’s still my gift after all... will you let me fuck you all I want tonight?”

“Yes — fuck, yes. Use me all you want” you said back, only wanting his dick inside you and his lips on your body

“Always so good with me” he caressed his cheek. “Now let me hear how pretty you scream my name”.

#one piece #one piece fluff #sanji x reader #trafalgar law #one piece fanfiction #sanji black leg #one piece zoro #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #law x reader #portgas d ace #ace x reader #ace op #reader insert #one piece smut #trafalgar d law x reader #op smut

[old-lorarri]

꒰꒰ ‧₊˚𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄'𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐎 ─ 𝐅𝐀𝟏𝟒 ˚₊· ꒱꒱

─ summary . . . ❨ everyone's fav Y/N stan fernanado is at it again lingering in fan pages and being everyone's fav himbo ❩  ─ pairing . . . ❨ fernando alonso x fem! mega-famous! pop star! reader ❩  ─ genre . . . ❨ social media file ❩  ─ author note . . . ❨ okay so I saw the request and could miss the opportunity to use queen taylor as a face claim so enjoy! ❩

❨ taglist | masterlist ❩

ynworld

liked by fernandoalo_oficial 762 others

ynworld Y/N L/N spotted at the Singapore GP supporting Fernando Alonso as he finishes in P3

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user OUR FAV HIMBO LIKED!?? ⤷ y/nworld IK ⤷ y/nworld fernandoalo_oficial TELL Y/N I LOVE HER ⤷ fernandoalo_oficial 👍🏻

user the way they support each other >>>

fernandoalo_oficial mi amore ⤷ user I AM NOT OKAY

user I love how fernando just follows a bunch of Y/N pages ⤷ user he is so real for it

user MY ROYAL COUPLE

user they are parents your honor

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fernandoalo_oficial . 3hrs ago

seen by yourinstgaram lewishamilton 67,687,898 others

ynupdates

liked by fernandoalo_oficial 23,787,323 others

ynupdates It’s official: “Anti-Hero” has won Song of the Year, Best Pop Song and Video of the Year at #VMAs this year and with Y/N leaving with a total of 9 VMA's!!!!

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user What’s a girl gonna do? A diamonds gotta shine!!!

user UGH WHAT A GOOD DAY TO EXIST AT THE SAME TIME AS Y/N L/N

fernandoalo_oficial VAMOSSSSS!!!!!

user here for the nando comments

user 9???? Wow! Take this #Kanye and #Scooter

user sexy 🤤 ⤷ fernandoalo_oficial back off werido

user good day to be a Y/N and F1 stan

user She come back stronger than a ’90s trend

user thats a real fucking legacy!!

barbie Boss 👑

user MOTHER REALLY MOTHERED TONIGHT

user Ladies and gentlemen, the music industry 😍🥳👏

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ynnation

liked by fernandoalo_oficial 12,213 others

ynnation Y/N L/N at the Abu Dhabi GP as her boyfriend Fernando Alonso win's his 3rd ever championship

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user supportive mother

fernandoalo_oficial fiance actually

user I'M LOSING MY MIND RN

user FERNANDO WTF YOU CAN'T JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THIS AND DIP

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yourinstagram . 1hr ago

seen by lewishamilton landonorris 129,787,277 others

─ requested by . . .

anon ─ Alonso with a pop star (ex. Taylor Swift level fame) her fans love him b/c he’s such a himbo fan and he loves the fans. But he’s not afraid to put creeps in their place.

#꒰꒰ ‧₊˚📁 ─ my works ˚₊· ꒱꒱ #f1 x reader #fernando alonso x reader #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #fernando alonso imagine #fernando alonso x oc #fernando alonso fluff #fernando alonso smut #fernando alonso angst #fernando alonso drabble #fernando alonso blurb #f1 imagine #formula 1 imagine #f1 social media au #formula 1 social media au #f1 au #formula 1 au #f1 fluff #formula 1 fluff #f1 smut #formula 1 smut #f1 angst #formula 1 angst #f1 #fernando alonso #f1 fanfiction #f1 fanfic #f1 fandom #f1 x you

[astonmartinii]

worlds biggest fan part two | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

y/n is the president of the official max verstappen fan club, but nothing can come of that, right?

part one

masterlist

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, martingarrix and 6,708 others

yourusername: not much going on right now

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user28: and now we're quoting taylor swift huh?

yourbff1: you're fake as fuck for posting this after not replying to me for two days

yourusername: what if i told you my phone died?

yourbff2: i would fight u

yourusername: i'm outside pull up

user29: the way they're still bickering as if y/n isn't well known now

yourbff1: she'll never dodge these hands

maxverstappen1: 🧡

user30: you ever gonna progress past an orange heart WHERE'S THE FLIRTING?

yourusername: blushing

user30: there's something suspicious amuck here

user31: ur right

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,309,561 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: i'm her biggest fan

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user36: i am going feral i need to be put down

danielricciardo: who is this man and what did you do with max verstappen?

maxverstappen1: i'm not allowed to appreciate my girl? danielricciardo: my bad, y/n is a very beautiful girl you're very lucky maxverstappen1: I AM AWARE

user37: yall i think max is losing his mind

yourusername: wow who is this girl who definietly should be in a lecture and not monaco

maxverstappen1: but i'm more fun than your professor yourusername: better take that maxy he's a big fan of yours maxverstappen1: okay he's a cool guy but i'm cooler yourusername: i'm not going to debate that

user38: so like did he fly her out for the dinner or did they go to dinner and then get on so well they went back to max's in monaco? i like desperately need to know

yourbff1: so this is where you've been @yourusername

yourusername: sorry not sorry yourbff2: we've been collecting notes and work for you and this is how we're thanked maxverstappen1: name a race and i'll get you there yourbff1: i take it back you can fuck off to monaco whenever you want yourusername: you change your tune fast

maxverstappenarchive

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 39,671 others

maxverstappenarchive: max enjoying his summer break

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user39: i know y/n is loving reporting on herself on this account

yourusername: maybe am i, maybe i'm not

yourbff1: she definitely is

user40: not to sound cheesy but i've never seen max this happy victoriaverstappen: neither maxverstappen1: i'd rather wait this long for a love like this, than have something less than what i feel right now yourusername: awwwwwwww i love you too maxy user41: i'm sorry ? LOVE ? user42: i feel like this is way too fast maxverstappen1: i'm an f1 driver all i know is fast charles_leclerc: good lord that is cheesy mate user43: @charles_leclerc what are you doing in the comment section of a max fan account charles_leclerc: being nosey and gathering data for the group chat user43: what group chat? charles_leclerc: the one where we make fun of max for being a softy

f1wagsandtea

liked by user44, user45 and 2,198 others

tagged: yourusername, yourbff1, yourbff2, yourbff3

f1wagsandtea: y/n y/ln, the girlfriend of max verstappen, will make her debut this weekend at silverstone and has brought along three of her closest friends and housemates.

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user46: omg y/n is finally going to a race

user47: i want her to go to zandvoort at some point i know the girlies there would treat her well

yourbff1: we're famous now oh wow

yourbff2: i mean it's just a wag account bro don't we hate these?

f1wagsandtea: catching strays on my own post

yourbbf3: deserved xoxo

user48: i am so excited for y/n omg this has all happened so fast

redbullracing

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 569,341 others

tagged: yourusername, maxverstappenarchive

redbullracing: a famous face in the orange army was with us in the garage this weekend. y/n has been a long-time fan of her boyfriend max and finally got to attend her first race here in silverstone

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user49: this shit is straight out of a damn fanfiction

yourusername: thank you so so much for having me, truly an insane experience i am so grateful

redbullracing: there's still race day to go

yourusername: don't remind me i'm so nervous

maxverstappen1: i thought i saw an angel in the garage after fp1, turns out i wasn't hallucinating

yourusername: you're too sweet

user43: @charles_leclerc i got one for you

charles_leclerc: thank you for your service

maxverstappen1: how many of you are in this group chat

charles_leclerc: none of your business

user50: god when will it happen to me

f1

liked by lewishamilton, lancestroll and 881,208 others

f1: RED FLAG. the marshals have thrown the red flag after a collision between max verstappen and lewis hamilton. the impact was 51g and verstappen has been escorted via helicopter to the local hospital but is awake and talking. we will resume within the hour.

comments are restricted on this post

maxverstappenarchive

liked by maxverstappen1, victoriaverstappen and 67,033 others

maxverstappenarchive: i cannot express my disappointment enough in the way the situation was handled this afternoon. it is to my understanding that the fia have considered this to be a racing incident, though i do not agree, that is the ruling so i nothing i can say will change that. HOWEVER, i am deeply disappointed in the manner in which lewis decided to celebrate despite the severity of the crash to max. i am lucky enough to be with max now, he is okay and his scans indicate that there is no internal damage, but i do believe there should be some introspection to how we celebrate while being unaware of the wellbeing of the other party. you can call me bias, but max will come back stronger and this will only motivate him more for the title fight. game on.

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user51: holy moly she did not come to play

user52: i don't even know how to feel about this whole thing

user53: i was there and oh my god it was so intense

user54: i'm just glad both parties are okay

user55: this title fight is so intense oh god

user56: i have a feeling this is not over

maxverstappen1 added to their story

[caption: thank you for being there for me, we'll come back stronger]

note: HOLY MOLY this felt like it took so long to write lol. i've been at work every day and finally sorted my living situ out (i.e. i'm gonna move into the dodgy house and just wait to be evicted lol). i like writing cause it's such a distraction from my current shit show life lol - i may make a part three of this if y'all want idk i love the drama of it all xxx

#f1 #f1 x you #f1 instagram au #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen #max verstappen x you

[jilixthinker]

SKZ AS SUBS - HYUNG LINE 🥀

as the self-proclaimed sub!skz ambassador, i felt the need to share my version to the internet just because this was boiling inside of my brain for too long, so... i am sorry ♡

(also a big thank you to my bub @straykeedz for listening to my rants at 2 a.m. ❤️‍🩹)

content warning: smut, sub!skz, dom!fem reader, unprotected sex, mention of subspace, edging, overstimulation, orgasm denial, spanking, mommy kink, praise kink, oral fixation, cross dressing, pet play, sexting, pegging, free use, mention of somnophilia, mirror sex

HYUNG LINE MAKNAE LINE

➛ Bang Chan

- sweet baby channie is 100% good boy, and he will do anything in the world to please you;

- wants to be your own fuckdoll and pleads to be used just for your pleasure. edging? yes ma'am. overstimulation? another big yes! he would satisfy every little kink of yours just to see you getting off because of him;

- service top !!! he has a great stamina and would go on for hours, fighting against every impending orgasm to make you enjoy sex as long as he can;

- he worships you. like a lot. he would call you his goddess, his princess, his angel, his light. he is a sucker for prasing you and your body;

- ... and he is also a sucker for being praised. call him your good pup or good boy to see his pretty face all flushed and his thrusts become erratic;

- he is into orgasm denial for sure, because it means he can please you more and see your face fall apart under him;

- soft grunts while he gently pounds into you;

- he probably has a daddy/mommy kink, but he likes to be called daddy just because he enjoys being slightly degraded by you. "Daddy wants to make mommy cum? But mommy is not done using daddy yet".

- "please please please please PLEASE". and "am I doing good enough?"

- if you spank his butt he will lose his mind and whine a lot, but he has the cutest voice when fucked up, so... why not?

- prefers staying on top of you because he doesn't want you to move one single finger and enjoys feeling like a big sized dildo for you;

- "Oh God, baby, b-baby. Can you let me cum? Are you letting me cum inside of your pussy? I don't... I don't d-deserve it".

➛ Lee Know

- minho is a fucking TEASE. 101% brat material;

- will answer back every single time and won't take a punishment without grunting and cursing;

- he will start arguments just because he is bored and you can swear to god he is the most annoying and restless thing on earth. it's not clear if he does it just for fun or if he enjoys the after treatment, but be ready to stuff his mouth full with something - a shirt, a sheet, his own underwear - because he won't shut the fuck up for one second;

-he becomes pliant just after you spanked him so much that he cums untouched on the mattress, face all flushed and drool over his chin;

- he secretly has a praise kink but he will never admit it. you just know because the only way to stop his trantrum is to remember him that you want him to be your pretty toy, your good boy to play with;

- drooly. leaky. just wet all the time;

- oral fixation. he will suck anything you present in front of his pretty mouth. your tongue, your tits, your pussy, your fingers, your strap;

- enjoys pain as long as paired with you sweet tone while you twist his nipples in between your fingers or gently scratch his balls with your pretty nails;

- after you tame him, he becomes almost non verbal and he falls quickly into his subspace. He enjoys being called pretty things while you ride him and milk him dry;

- "Uh, ah mmh, nffgh- uhh", that's all you are gonna hear from him;

- wants to be played with after he cums and loves to hear you calling him your little pretty boy after he drove you crazy the entire time.

➛ Changbin

- sub enthusiast agenda at its finest !! binnie is just so happy to be there for you that he could jump from excitement;

- the most obedient boy ever. not whiney, not sobbing, just pure and honest happiness everytime you are intimate;

- def into cross-dressing as in pink fluffy sweaters, cute aprons and lacey panties. he doesn't steal from you though! he politely asks if he can borrow some of your clothes, sending cute texts while you are at work. you spoil him by buying several matching sets for every occasion and he just beams;

- i can see binnie being into soft pet play. all of him is soft either and, of course, you are never harsh with him. he likes being addressed as a cute little puppy, being petted and fed from your hands while he gently humps your leg until he cums with a loving moan;

- similarly to chan, he loves being good for you, but binnie never gets desperate about it because he knows that he is the best boy. he enjoys the praise because he loves feeling pampered, but he doesn't crave it as much as chan since he is very confident about it;

- he smiles a lot. you give him a slow handjob? he smiles. you suck him sloppily? he smiles. you fuck him or you let him fuck you? he always smiles. he is the actual embodiment of the sun itself. he enjoys being your sub more than anything in the world;

- not embarassed to ask you anything. he will talk to you about every little kink and scene he wants to try and he is super vocal about it!!;

- very very loud. he has the loveliest grunts in the world and, since he's not shy, he will let you know exactly how he is feeling. "Ah, baby- feels so good. So good, so warm. Please let me cum, I've been so good to you. You're too tight, it's unreal".

- he loves to be pegged. honestly, he will ask you after a couple of months just to be sure you know each other for a sufficient amount of time. once you reassure him that you would love to try with him, he will kiss you all over to thank you. his moans while you pound gently into him and look at his pink rim engulfing your strap are enough to convince you that you should be doing this more often;

- he will sext and send nudes a lot, so... be prepared to see his chubby rosey cock appearing a lot on your phone screen;

- "Baby, I love you, I love you, I love you I - ungghh - love y-you";

- he cums a lot and he has a decent stamina. but he will make sure that you are fully satisfied before asking you if he can keep thrusting even if he already came;

➛ Hyunjin

- pillow princess. do we have to add something else? i don't think so;

- he is your baby, and wants to be treated like one. his submissive side is not just sexually oriented, it's more like his way of seeing your relationship dynamics;

- wants you to feed him and dress him and tell him he is the prettiest boy you've ever seen. it's the truth, and you will learn that you love pampering him till the end of your days;

- whiny? bratty? sobbing? screaming? requesting? yes. all of it. hyune is not an easy sub and taking care of him requests a lot of time and effort, but seeing him under you, all open and stretched and flushed is the best reward you could wish for;

- despite all of this, he is very romantic. he will make sure to kiss you a lot and tell you that he loves you so much several times a day;

- he is very open to the idea of free use, even if he is not properly active. as long as he feels nice and you are milking him good, he is more than okay to be used as you please, even during his sleep;

- the filthiest mouth. he knows that you won't deny him anything in the entire world and that you love hearing his voice, and he uses it to his own advantage;

- "Wanna be sucked, baby, wanna feel your lips around me. Let me feel good, let me cum in your mouth. And then fuck me and let me cum in your pussy too. You know I deserve it, right?";

- mirror sex is probably his biggest turn-on. he will convince you to fill your shared bedroom with mirrors until every wall has a reflective surface on it. he will look at his own fucked up face while you have your way with him and he cums hard every single time;

- likes to be pretty, of course. he will send you tons of artsy nudes while he wraps a hand around his leaky cock and spurts hot cum all over the red corset he put on for you;

- "can you fuck me to sleep? wanna be held by you".

taglist: @jisunglyricist @hannahhhhs-things @hyuniehwa @changisworld @hyunjinhoexxx @yoobears @rockstrhanji @yongboks-stuff @taliavaleska @hw4-l1z @4-chan-inpadella @k-cock @biglipsfattits @vanillacupcakefrosting @simpity-wimpity

if you see your name in bold, it means that I couldn't tag you!

©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.

#skz smut #skz imagine #stray kids smut #skz hard thoughts #stray kids hard thoughts #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #skz x female reader #stray kids x female reader #skz x you #stray kids x you #skz sub #sub skz #sub stray kids #stray kids sub #sub!skz #sub!stray kids #bang chan smut #sub bang chan #bang chan sub #lee know smut #sub lee felix #lee know sub #changbin smut #sub changbin #changbin sub #hyunjin smut #sub hyunjin #hyunjin sub

[jwonsite]

attempting to ride jungwon but failing cuz it's js too much to handle (his ego just boosted like x1000) and resulting in him fucking you dumb you can barely talk ☹☹

the way i forgot this was in my inbox goodbye im so sorry

warnings: dom jw, riding, unprotected sex (wrap before u tap), he cums inside </3, hitting it from the back lmao, petnames, reader is afab

anyways i think about this a lot ngl,, like me personally i am a BOTTOM like the most bottom bottom to ever bottom,, pillow princess type shit,, and won feels like he would just love that,, like just being able to take his gf in anyway he wants :( if you ever suggested riding him he would be a bit surprised at first but DEFINITELY is not saying no.

he would lay back against the headboard of the bed,, both hands behind his head at first,, letting you do all the work. as you settle yourself over him he's going to have the biggest smirk on his face oh my lorddddd,, like hes gonna love it. when you finally sink down onto him he is going to lose his MIND. def is moaning out loud,, hands flying to your waist to hold on to it. he'll make you sit there,, fully inside you for a few seconds before removing his hands from your waist as a sign for you to start moving. expect him to be soooo vocal as you're riding him,, moans,, whines,, and praises falling from his lips every couple seconds.

"you're doing so good for me pretty"

"my baby doing so well just for me"

"fuck,, you look so pretty fucking yourself on my dick"

when he notices you starting to get tired/overstimmed,, lawddd he's gonna tease you so badly.

"is it too much for my baby?"

"pretty girl can't even stay focused enough to finish yourself off"

"are you tired pretty?"

you'll probably so fucked out that you won't even answer him,, whining softly at his words. he'll just coo at you and flip you over,, telling you how he'll do all the work just for his pretty pretty girlfriend. he'll flip you both over,, having you face down ass up as he pounds into you from behind,, not even giving you a second to breathe. he def is making you cum at least 4 times before he finally does,, spilling into you as he continues to slowly fuck his cum into you </3 he'll pull out and pull you onto his chest,, your naked sweaty bodies meshing together as he rubs your back gently,, whispering sweet nothings into your ear about how much he loves you and how good you are for him :((

#enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #jungwon hard thoughts #jungwon smut #jungwon #jungwon x reader #yang jungwon #lee heeseung smut #heeseung smut #heeseung #jay hard hours #enhypen jay #jay smut #jay enhypen #jake enhypen #jake sim #jake smut #sim jaeyun #jaeyun smut #enhypen jaeyun #sunoo smut #enhypen sunoo #sunoo #sunghoon smut #park sunghoon #jwonsite anon! #jwonsite asks!

[l13]

♡ cod men and their nsfw visuals part 2 ♡

part 1 here

WARNINGS : NSFW, 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI, the links are literally p#rn, proceed at your own risk.

CHARACTERS : alejandro, gaz, keegan, ghost, soap, price, könig

alejandro vargas

♡ this man just doesn't give a single flying fuck. He's gonna control the pace, if he wants to, and that's a promise. Holding you by the back of your thighs and bouncing you on his cock is just one of his fave ways to do so- "Shit- such a wet fucking pussy you have, cariño" "Let me ruin it,"

♡ well. if you're gonna beg him so sweetly to fuck your face... that means you're ready for it right? Wrong. You'd never be ready for how this man face fucks even if you took monthly courses for it. The fact is, no matter how dirty, rough and down right sinful this man treats you when he's face fucking you- he'd gaze down at you softly each time he pulled out, "You good, baby?" grinning lazily as you assured him you were fine- tears running down your cheeks as you heaved, "You sure?"

♡ i am mentally not okay. "Stop crying, mi vida, we're not done yet."

kyle 'gaz' garrick

♡ think it's safe to say gaz seems like he'd enjoy anal don't you? LMAOOO "babe please can we try somethin'? I bet you'll love it." oh you loved it alright.

♡ sometimes kyle is just so desperate for you- he can't even wait till your clothes are off and he's situating you over his cock, grinding his hips up at you as you roll your own, and there's sweat dripping down his temple as you both get lost in the pleasure, "Shit- just like that," "Ffuck yeah, baby- you're so good t'me," he truly almost loses his mind at how good you feel even over all of your clothes

♡ if he's fingering you, gaz is taking his sweet time in doing so- he's soft and slow as he uses his fingers to rub your pussy- pressing needy kisses on your parted lips each time you moan, "You like this, babe?" "Want me to go slower?.. No? Y'want me to go faster?...Nah that doesn't sound right"

keegan russ

♡ what can i say he's a 'i'll paint your pussy with my cum and shove myself back inside immediately afterwards" kinda guy, gets the biggest ego boost each time he fucks you fr "Ah fuck- baby..." "Best fucking dick you ever had, isn't that right kid?"

♡ RAUDGDGHH i'm so sorry ill contain myself- basically he would gladly spend hours just in between your legs, teasing you, touching you over your underwear no matter how many times you beg him to hurry up and do smth already he just chuckles lowly, "Nah, I'd rather be doing this.." fucker has the biggest hard-on as well but just won't stop playing with your pussy

♡ no because- no becauuuse listen to me. LISTEN TO ME. I'M RIGHT. KEEGAN LOVES FUCKING TEASING YOU and he runs with it. "Pussy's so wet, doll.. Why's that, huh?" spits on your pussy for good measure and resumes sliding his cock over your puffy clit, "You fucking love this, I know you do,"

simon 'ghost' riley

♡ not even gonna say anything

♡ there's nothing in this world ghost loves more than when he gets you absolutely drunk on his cock, head thrown back, thanking him repeatedly as he thrusts inside you like there's no tomorrow-as he fucks you so well. "Fuckin' cum on me again, love. I know y'want to," "Ah fuck-Pussy's gripping me so tight, jus' let go and I promise I'll give you more, yeah?"

♡ not gonna say anything again HOLY SSSHIT. THIS IS SIMON AND YOU CANT TELL ME OTHERWISE. GOODBYE FOREVER. LOGGING OUT OF LIFE

john 'soap' mactavish

♡ john 'i want to engrave you and your body in my soul' mactavish. man just wants to worship you fr

♡ sometimes soap just wants to make you feel good, no matter how hard he is, no matter how much you tell him you don't have to- he wants to. Absolutely loves to rub your sweet cunt, making you come undone as many times as he can, and also loves how needy you get- pressing kisses all over his face, so thankful by how good he's treating you<3333

♡ y'know what- soap would definitely film smth just like this on his phone, and he'd just love watching it when he was away, groaning as he looks at your hot body on his phone, his fist not making him feel nearly as good as yours would. But he makes do, imagining that it's your hand that's holding his cock, your hand he's rutting up to as he moans, eyes rolling back. "Yeah, yeah just like that. Mmso fuckin good-baby fffuuuuck" God, he needed to see you.

john price

♡ tears in my eyes. tears in my fucking EYYYYESSSS. Price loves nothing better than coming home after a long ass day, and just make you come over and over and over, whispering praises on your ear, his cock twitching in his briefs each time you jump and try to escape his hold, too overstimulated to form words- and this asshole just chuckles, "Stay right where you are, or I won't fuckin' stop till you're cryin' for me to put my cock inside you."

♡ price is a patient man unless he's pushed to his limits. Now, imagine he's trying to sleep after the most gut wrenching day he's had this week, and his brain just not shutting the fuck up to let him sleep. What better way to get over his insomnia than to wake you up and fuck you till he's pussy drunk? At least then he'll go to sleep thinking of you. "S' good, darling" "pussy's s' fuckin' good for me, innit?" "So good lettin' me use you like this, honey.."

♡ in the rare occassion that john fucks you doggy style, you stay down like a good pup. Or else.

könig

♡ Even König gets mad sometimes. And yeah, he does get mad when you openly show affection to someone that isn't him. And he was this close to bash ghost's face in if you hadn't pulled him aside, clueless eyes staring up at his now cold ones. "Who's fucking you now, hm?" "Can he fuck you like this?" (he prob can but yknow) "Maybe I should invite him to watch how dumb my sweet liebling gets on my cock."

♡ yup. yup yup yup.

♡ könig will cum so fucking hard just by rubbing his cock on your pussy, head tilted to the side and brows pulled together as he pants, eyes never leaving the movement of your hand as you rub his dick back and forth on your cunt-

no thoughts head empty just cod men.

#cod smut #cod x reader #cod mw2 smut #cod mw2 x reader #mw2 x reader #mw2 smut #cod visuals #mw2 visuals #john price x reader #john price smut #price x reader #price smut #simon riley x reader #simon riley smut #ghost x reader #ghost x reader smut #ghost smut #soap x reader #soap x reader smut #john mactavish x reader #john mactavish x reader smut #john mactavish smut #konig x reader #konig x reader smut #alejandro vargas x reader #keegan russ x reader #kyle garrick x reader #gaz x reader #gaz x reader smut #keegan russ smut

[lostfracturess]

symptoms and causes | ch. 11

x pairing professor!gojo x med student f!reader (medical au)

x summary he's arrogant, self-centered, and he's your professor. renowned for his brilliance in neurosurgery and infamous for his allure. too bad you have to work with him on this research team. now you're stuck with dr. satoru gojo, delving into the complexities of both the brain and the heart—and of how far you'd go for a love that could destroy not only him but you as well.

x wc 13.5 k (enjoy your meal lol)

x warnings [18+] this story contains substance abuse/addiction, overdosing, (rough) smut, mature themes, self-destructive and abusive behavior, manipulation, (heavy) angst, mentions of death / illness / blood, graphic medical procedures. reader discretion is advised.

x author's note hey loves!! thank you so much for your patience, i know it's been a while. buckle up, because we're taking another trip inside satoru's mind, so yeahhh. it's gonna be wild, oh and we're continuing right were we left off in the last chapter. this chapter is again in satoru's pov!! i've also updated the trigger warnings, so please take a look before reading (might be spoiling tho). and lastly, credit to the fanart in the cover, if you know the artist, pls let me know!! can't wait to hear what you all think & thanks for sticking with me!! ♡

series masterlist + playlist + ao3 + wattpad

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They say before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself first.

And there lies the damn problem. 

I don't know how. 

Never have.

Why am I thinking this now? 

I knew this was right. 

Right for her. 

But then why does my heart feel like it's being ripped out by the fucking roots?

Suguru will take care of her. He always does. That's the only thing that keeps me from screaming, keeps me from chasing after her.

I trust him, damn it, but it shouldn't be him.

It should be me holding her. Me, who knows how she likes to be held when the panic claws its way up. Me, holding her until the world feels less sharp, less cruel.  

Me, who knows that she doesn't want to talk about it. Me, who knows to give her space. She needs space. My strong girl needs space first. 

I hope he gives her space.

But he wouldn't know any of this. He couldn't comfort her in the ways I instinctively knew how. 

Me, who knows how to soothe the invisible wounds, the ones even she denies exist. Me, who knows the soft words she needs to hear after it passes.

It shouldn't be him. 

Sorry. 

It shouldn't have been him.

Past tense. 

It all might be past tense now.

And the thought is more than I could bear.

Shattered. 

Was that the word?

Was there even a word for what I felt in that moment?

How could I ever convey this suffocating agony that's tearing me apart with mere words?

Words are meaningless in the end.

Meaningless when they couldn't be spoken to her, couldn't reach her, couldn't make her understand, couldn't heal the wound I'd carved into her heart.

So, yeah, maybe shattered is the right word. 

The wrong word.

The sterile air was acid in my lungs. Each ragged breath felt like sandpaper against my throat. I held my breath, a desperate plea for the world to stop spinning, for the clock to rewind, for a chance to undo everything.

But time doesn't care. 

It marched on, relentless, while I stayed trapped in this hell, drowning in the mess I made. 

My lungs burned. My vision blurred. I waited until she disappeared. The world seemed to tilt sideways, losing all color and shape, leaving only the sharp, agonizing realization that I'd made her walk away.

I didn't want to breathe anymore.

Not in a world where every breath ached without her.

"Dr. Gojo?" A voice, distant, muffled. 

Irrelevant.

My gaze flickered to Sukuna. He watched, a predator savoring the kill. 

His twisted smile fueled rage within me. But there would be no fighting this. No grand defense. Not when her life was the bargaining chip.

So, I lied. 

Each word a nail in the coffin of the connection I craved more than life itself.

Each word a drop of poison forced down my throat. A self-inflicted wound, a desperate mutilation of the only thing that had ever felt real.

Her eyes, those beautiful eyes I loved so fiercely, wide with confusion and horror. The strangled gasp, the way her body went limp in Geto's arms — a haunting image that would forever be etched on my heart.

Muscles screamed, a silent protest against my own pathetic stillness. But I remained frozen. 

This was my punishment. 

I had to watch her leave, had to sear the pain into my very being, an endless penance for the choices I'd made.

The door clicked shut behind them.

That simple sound, final, absolute.

My lungs filled with air, a betrayal. Oxygen I didn't deserve, didn't want. 

My own body, this treacherous thing kept going, kept me alive against my will, kept me tethered to this cruel reality.

The room swam back into focus, the judges' accusing faces nothing but a blurry backdrop. The sounds of their inquest washed over me like meaningless noise.

"Dr. Gojo? Can we continue?"

I nodded.

They pressed on. More questions about the research, her involvement, their accusations of favoritism.

How stupid.

Of course, I favored her. 

How could I not? 

She is everything.

Oh, sorry. Forgot. Past tense.

She was everything.

Did I regret it? 

Did I wish I could go back and treat her with the same damn indifference I afforded everyone else?

Yeah, maybe.

A familiar craving stirred my senses, the desperate need for the numbing escape that would mean failing her even more. My fingers clawed at my forearm, trying to replace the hollowness with physical pain. It wasn't enough.

My responses were rote, mechanical.

Yeah, I favored her. 

Yeah, I let her into the OR because of it.

Yeah, and she outshone every damn surgeon twice her age. 

No, she didn't know I'd set it up. 

No, she never asked for special treatment. She just worked until her eyes were bloodshot, pushing harder than anyone else.

And hell no, she didn't do a single thing wrong.

Except maybe — maybe loving me. 

After what felt like an eternity, the judges seemed satisfied, or perhaps just exhausted by my robotic replies. 

They painted me the arrogant professor with a weakness for a young student, who abused his power, who played favorites.

Whatever they wanted to believe, fine.

Didn't even have the energy to care anymore.

Let them drag my name through the mud, tarnish the reputation I'd worked so hard to build. 

Because the title, the position, the facade of success meant nothing when all I wanted was to rewind time, to undo the damage I'd done to the one person who truly mattered.

I didn't feel anymore.

I was done.

─── ·✧· ───

I burst out of the courtroom.

I needed escape, not just from this sterile prison of a room, but from my own traitorous flesh.

That itch.

It was a wildfire beneath my skin, a thousand insects gnawing their way to the surface. My fingers twitched, claws desperate to tear, to bleed out the poison of this relentless craving.

My legs moved without conscious thought, pushing me towards my office. Somewhere. Anywhere I would be able to breathe again. The guilt was a serrated blade twisting in my gut, each movement slicing me open anew.

Her terror-stricken eyes seared into my very soul.

The walls of my office closed in, the familiar space suddenly too small, too suffocating. 

My fist slammed into the desk. Papers scattered to the floor, a meaningless sea of white against the dark wood.

They didn't matter. None of it mattered.

A half-finished coffee mug followed. Porcelain shattered. Dark liquid splashed against the wall. 

My blood roared in my ears. 

Across the room, my framed diploma. I ripped it off the wall. Glass smashed. Sharp edges bit into my palm, drawing blood. But it wasn't enough. I hurled the frame against the wall.

Blood, hot and slick, coated my hands, the pain nothing.

In the shattered frame, I caught a glimpse of myself — wild eyes in a sweat-slicked face, a man on the verge of collapse.

It was a stranger.

I was across the room before I even registered the decision.

The drawer.

My fingers ripped it open. 

There, like a coiled viper, the amber vial gleamed, a venomous promise of oblivion.

Don't —

Don't come at me now. 

Did you really think I wouldn't keep a backup?

My hand reached, then hesitated.

The world lurched to a sharp halt as a knock pierced the chaos. My breath hitched, the vial a burning brand in my bloodied hand.

The door creaked open.

And there he was. Sukuna. 

He leaned against the doorframe, that sickening smirk plastered on his face. It was like a lit fuse to a powder keg. The rage that had been gnawing at my insides, tearing me apart, finally found its target.

Before a single rational thought could form, I was on him. Fist to jaw, heard the crack, felt it in my knuckles. He stumbled back, the smirk finally wiping off his face.

I pinned him against the door. Forearm across his throat, crushing his windpipe. His eyes widened, but even then, there was that damn flicker of amusement.

"Well, well," he choked out, "this is a nice welcome back."

"Funny to you?"

He coughed, a harsh laugh scraping out of him. "C'mon, Satoru, relax. I did you a favor," he sputtered. "Your precious little student, she's better off now. You know I'm right."

Every muscle in my body tensed.

He was right. 

In his twisted way, he was. 

And that's what made it all so much worse.

My grip on his throat tightened. But there was nothing, no satisfactio, no release in the violence.

Sukuna saw it, the hesitation. His mouth twisted into a smirk again. "See, you get it. Sweet thing doesn't belong in this mess, does she? It's not for her, Satoru. It's for us."

His words scraped like nails on a chalkboard. 

Yes, she was safer now, untouched by the rot that festered within me. Some desperate, logical part of me clung to that. But how could I hold on to that when my heart was screaming for her closeness?

"Or maybe," Sukuna drawled, pushing the knife deeper, "maybe you wanted to see where this goes. Stain her a bit, make her just a little bit more like you."

My breath hitched. For a split second, the floor vanished beneath me.

"Hit a nerve, did I?"

"Shut the hell up!" I couldn't face it, couldn't face the ugly truth as it would tear me apart. "You twist everything. Play with lives just for your own sick amusement."

This was his game.

Sukuna thrived on chaos, on exploiting pain. 

He knew my guilt, my fear for her, and wielded it like a scalpel, laying bare the raw nerve of my fragile sanity.

"Perhaps. But ain't I right?  You needed to end it, but you lack the guts for it. Waited a bit longer, it'd be a total disaster."

I hesitated, then my grip on him slackened. I stepped back.

"You know I'm right," Sukuna continued. "You know how this would have ended. Suspension. Scandal. She'll be doomed forever for getting involved with her professor for favors. You wouldn't destroy her like that, would you? You're not that cruel."

"I'm not so sure." I ran a hand through my hair.  It had taken everything in me to push her away. 

But I can't deny that an ugly part of me wanted to keep her close. Drag her down with me. 

See her drown.

"Damn, you hit hard," he said, rubbing his jaw. "Go beat up some students again, not me."

"Stop giving me reasons to punch you."  Exhausted, I slumped into my desk chair, burying my face in my hands. My head pounded, the infuriating itch worsening with each damn moment. "Was this your plan all along?"

"What?" he scoffed.

I lifted a single eyebrow at him.

"You think that low of me? Honestly, Toru, a bit of credit, please. It was your pathetic indecision that made this entertaining. You basically gift-wrapped this mess and handed it to me."

"Besides," he continued, "let's be honest, you were holding her back. Now maybe she'll have a chance to become someone who might surpass you one day. You wouldn't deny her that, would you? No thanks needed."

He was right, and I hated that more than anything.

Sukuna sank into the chair across from me, a picture of smug satisfaction despite the visible bruise. "Damn, that punch still stings."

I opened my desk drawer and wordlessly tossed him the bottle of opioids. His eyes widened in surprise, before he gave the bottle a knowing shake. "Still on the hydromorphone?"

I didn't answer. The sound alone threatened to shatter what fragile control I had left. The itch was unbearable, each nerve ending screaming for relief.

Sukuna observed me, a predator watching its prey struggle. "Withdrawal never suited you," he said, popping a pill. "You always get so—" he paused, savoring the word, "—tense."

"Yeah, real supportive of you."

"Actually, I'm being incredibly supportive. I'm leaving for a little research trip overseas—four months. Ethics committee can't meet without me, so—" He leaned back in his chair, his grin widening. "Gives you time to get your shit together. Isn't that nice of me?"

"Shut the hell up."

"C'mon, I put in a good word for you too. No suspension for now. You can keep teaching, just no surgeries. Yaga really hates my guts, doesn't he? But hey, at least you're not totally screwed."

"You expect a thank you?"

"Relax, Toru, the show's over," he said. "Trust me, they don't want a scandal, let alone lose their star surgeon. When I get back, a slap on the wrist, maybe a semester's suspension, then you're back to the boring old grind."

A bitter laugh escaped me. "Last I checked, you were the one pushing for a scandal."

He rolled his eyes. "Someone had to do it. Knew you'd drag this out forever, playing the tragic hero. Needed a villain to get things moving." He gave a mocking bow. "At your service, my friend."

"Also," he continued, leaning forward in his chair, "the focus is off you now. The committee's sniffing around those implant engineers. Funny, isn't it?" 

Sukuna paused, savoring the moment. "Honestly, never thought there was anything wrong with your surgeries. You wouldn't make that kind of mistake. Tech malfunction more likely."

Of course. 

The bastard never doubted the damn research. It had all been a game to him — my career, my sanity, her — just pieces on his chessboard.

It should've made me furious, lash out, pound his face in again — but all I felt was a bone-deep exhaustion, a weariness that seeped into my very soul. I was too tired, too hollowed-out to do anything but swallow the bitter truth.

"That supposed to make me feel better?" 

"A little," he said, tossing the opioid bottle back. "This, though? That'll do the trick even better."

I caught it, my fingers clenching around the plastic.

He rose, stretching with a theatrical sigh. "Well, time to go. Remember, you owe me big time. You should take one," he gestured towards the pills, "you look like shit."

My grip on the bottle tightened. I looked up at him. "When all of this is done, I never want to see your damn face again."

He laughed. "We both know that's a lie. You and me? We need each other."

"The only thing you need is some damn therapy."

"Ah, Toru," he dismissed me with a smirk, "you'll come crawling back soon enough. We both know how this works."

With that, he was gone. I was left alone in the echoing silence, the pill bottle a burning weight in my hand. The world seemed to sway around me, my eyelids growing heavy.

The will to fight simply wasn't there anymore.

─── ·✧· ───

Cruel. 

Cruel how one little pill can undo everything. 

Cruel how one little pill can silence everything. 

Cruel how one damn pill can soften the world, make it — bearable, almost.

Unfair. 

It's truly unfair.

The screaming under my skin, that relentless itch — it's still there, but it had dulled to a faint hum, pushed back by the familiar numbness.

Finally.

Oh, finally some fucking silence.

I let out a shaky breath. It wasn't peace, not really. I knew that all too well. Borrowed time, each second ticking closer to the inevitable crash, the return of that relentless screaming in my head.

But for now, it'll have to be enough.

I collapsed on the couch, smoke curling lazily before my eyes.

I knew I shouldn't mix opioids with cannabis. That's something they teach you within the first year of university. What I used to teach students within the first year of university.

What a hypocrite I am really.

Another drag — harsh, burning down my throat. 

The urge to close my eyes, to sink into oblivion, was almost overwhelming. But sleep wouldn't bring respite. Only nightmares. I knew that only too well.

So, I lay there, staring up at the ceiling.

It really came down to me failing again, huh?

What was it now?

Attempt number five? 

Six?

I started losing count.

Maybe this was my fate.

A broken record, stuck on the same damn track.

Deep down, under the chemical haze, guilt gnawed at me. It was a dull ache now, no longer the searing pain of earlier, but a constant, insidious reminder. 

She were out there, her life forever marked by my choices, while I was — here. Hiding in a haze of pills and smoke.

God, I hoped Suguru was looking after her. Making sure she ate, making sure she was safe — that she didn't hate me too much.

I brought the joint to my lips again, the smoke curling up towards the ceiling. It left an acrid taste in my mouth.

I watched my hand for a second.

Bloodied earlier, the wounds had scabbed over, the blood dried. It was perfectly still now, the trembling smoothed out by the chemicals in my blood. 

I clenched it into a fist, then unclenched, watching the movement like it belonged to someone else.

Traitor.

This body was a traitor — betrayed myself, betrayed her, betrayed everything I held dear.

Weak. 

Broken.

A pathetic mess.

Was that it?

Living as a slave to these chemicals to patch up my crumbling sanity one day at a time? 

Chained to pills, each dawn a ticking clock until the next dose, until I could silence the screaming for a few damn hours?

My eyes locked onto the half-empty vial on the table. 

Took too many, didn't I?

I knew that, even through the haze. But a cold certainty twisted in my gut. There'd be more. Always more. Until there was nothing left.

Before I could think, I threw another down my throat. Bad idea, probably, after a few clean days.

Suddenly, the haze warped, twisting into nausea. Bile rose in my throat.

I lurched to my feet, the world tilting precariously with each step. Surfaces rippled, the bathroom light stabbing into my skull.

I barely made it. My stomach heaved. Each retch wracked my body, leaving me gasping, weak.

Too many. 

Way too many.

How the hell did I forget? Forget my body's limits? Somehow, I felt like some reckless student again, stumbling through experiments, blind to the consequences.

Stupid. So damn stupid.

Darkness swam at the edges of my vision.  Another wave of nausea, and I was back, hunched over the toilet. 

I hauled myself up, hands shaking, clinging to the sink. In the mirror, a stranger stared back. Eyes bloodshot, a sheen of sweat coating his skin.

This wasn't me anymore.

I splashed cold water on my face, trying to wash away the acid burn. Didn't help. Drops of water ran down my face, felt like they were melting the damn skin off.

My knees buckled. I slid down the wall, my head heavy against the tile wall. 

The bathroom light, needles in my brain moments ago, seemed impossibly distant now. Each breath was a ragged gasp, each pulse a dull throb in my temples.

I waited for it to pass, the nausea, the haze. But as minutes crawled by, a new, searing pain gnawed at me.

My fingers trembled against my abdomen, pressing into the tender spot. Liver, of course. 

Wrecked it, just like the rest of me. I'd known the risks, had ignored the warnings, and now my body was demanding payment.

How pathetic.

Darkness gnawed at the edges of my vision, pushing back against the stubborn spots of light. My head felt heavy, detached from my body. Arms and legs useless.

Each breath a battle I wasn't sure I'd win.

Time warped. Stretching, then snapping, leaving me floating in nausea and pain. Then I heard something — muffled, distant. Footsteps, getting closer.

My eyes struggled to make sense of the shifting shadows.

Then, a voice. Soft, achingly familiar. I couldn't make out the words, but the warmth of it—

I knew that voice — would always recognize it.

Cold water hit my skin. Hands, gentle, but firm, on my face. I strained to focus, to see her, to soak in the sight I needed, yet feared more than anything.

Oh, how desperately I needed to see her. Needed her to be real.

But my eyes betrayed me.

She must be so beautiful. She always was.

Then, a touch on my outstretched leg, a flash of metal — was that a scalpel?

Agony ripped through me, shattering the haze. I jerked back, my scream ragged against the tiles. My head slammed back with sickening force.

Before I knew it, a needle pierced my skin.

The room spun as whatever she'd injected battled the comfortable blur of the pills. Nausea churned in my stomach, the numbness receding with terrifying speed.

Groaning, I shifted on the floor.

My vision sharpened, my senses returning with brutal clarity. 

The first thing I noticed was the metallic glint of the discarded syringe beside my leg. 

Then the cut, a ragged gash through the fabric of my dress pants where she'd stabbed the needle in — the unnecessarily deep and brutal cut — but in the chaos, I let it slide. Didn't even register the pain as I watched the blood drain from the cut. 

I reached for the syringe and read the label. 

Adrenaline. 

Smart girl. 

But as I turned it over, a frown creased my brow. Two fucking milliliters? Was she trying to give me a damn heart attack?

I lifted my head, the question burning on my tongue. But the words died unspoken as my gaze locked on hers. 

She stood there, just a few feet away, her breath ragged, her eyes — those pretty eyes.

Terror. 

There was raw, unadulterated terror etched in her eyes. But I was right. She looked as beautiful as ever. Even with those terror-stricken eyes she was breathtaking.

She stumbled back, slumping against the wall opposite of me with a choked gasp, pulling her knees up. I didn't move, couldn't move, my gaze locked with hers.

The terror faded slowly, replaced by a weariness that was far worse. 

For a fleeting moment, I saw a flicker of that familiar defiance, the spark I both loved and feared. But even that felt strangely muted now, as if even the energy to fight had been drained out of her.

She simply watched me. In silence, in that devastating silence.

How I hated her silence.

Because her silence was far worse than anything she could have screamed, any insult she could have hurled my way. Her stillness, her silence, was the most terrifying weapon she'd ever wielded against me.

And for the first time in a very long time, I was truly afraid.

Time stretched, then I choked out, "You're angry."

Her answer was blunt, devoid of emotion. "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

I glanced down. Blood still seeped from the gash in my leg. With a trembling hand, I fumbled for a towel and pressed it against the wound. "Your cut is kinda deep. Was that on purpose?"

She didn't say anything.

It probably was on purpose.

My gaze fell on the syringe. "Where'd you get that?"

"What happened to your hand?"

"I asked first."

"Don't try to play games now, Satoru. You're walking on thin fucking ice," she snapped.

"Shattered some glass," I said after a pause ", and punched Sukuna."

"Stole it from the hospital."

"What?"

"You think I'd date an addict and not have adrenaline on hand?"

My lips twitched into a weary smile. Oh my beautiful, brilliant girl, always prepared.

"But you know, two milliliters is a bit much." I moved my leg slightly to check if she had cut any tendons, which would complicate the healing a bit. "Or are you trying to kill me?"

Her gaze pierced me, colder than any scalpel. "Looks like you're doing a fine job of that yourself."

My smile faded.

Silence.

Oh, that cruel silence again.

She didn't say anything. Maybe I should be thankful for that, because if she said anything now, I'd probably crumble completely — if I haven't already.

Ironic, wasn't it? 

How much power this woman had over me. 

Yet it was me who destroyed her.

She dropped her head, ran a shaking hand through her hair, then looked at me again. "How much did you take?"

Huh?

Why would she ask that?

Didn't she see that it's over?

That I'm too far gone?

It was unbearable.

It was unbearable, how she could still look at me and see someone worth saving. It was unbearable, knowing she believed in me even when I didn't. 

Almost pissed me off, how stubbornly she clung to that stupid hope. Because seeing that hope in her eyes — it made me hate myself even more.

I wouldn't change, couldn't. Not for her, not for anyone.

"Doesn't matter. It's over."

"Satoru, please," she choked out, pain raw in her voice, the pain I caused, "cut the crap and tell me. Now."

"It doesn't matter," I repeated, my voice cold. I couldn't bear the flicker of hope, couldn't bear to fail her yet again.

Then, the first tear rolled down her cheek and my heart shattered, the fragments piercing me from within. 

I'd never wanted to be the reason those beautiful eyes filled with pain, the reason her sweet lips trembled. Every fiber of my being wanted to pull her close, erase the hurt I'd caused.

I would have given anything, sacrificed anything, if only I could make it stop.

But I couldn't.

Because I was the problem. I was the poison.

She buried her face in her hands. "I'm tired, Satoru."

"I know."

"I'm so fucking tired," she whispered through tears.

"I know, love."

My eyes burned as I watched her fragile body shudder. Each sob of her driving a stake deeper into my already bleeding heart. I bit my lip until I tasted blood. 

I hated myself, hated myself, hated myself, hated myself, hated myself because — because I was the reason for all of this. 

She'd never wanted this, never wanted to fall in love with me to begin with, but I dragged her into it anyway.

Because I was selfish. 

Knew how it would end.

And now, I could only watch — only watch in this unbearable silence as the woman I loved wept over the man I hated. 

"It's for the best, believe me—"

"No," she cut me off.  "You're sacrificing me for this—this reputation of mine you think matters. It doesn't. I don't want any of it without you. I don't want a future where you're not in it."

She looked up then, eyes red and filled with unshed tears. "Because I love you, Satoru."

What?

The words turned my blood to ice.

After everything — the lies, the ways I'd hurt her, the desperate attempts to push her away — there it was, the confession I'd craved and feared in equal measure.

My heart was being ripped apart and stitched back together again in that very moment — vulnerable and yet so unbearably full. 

She loved me, she said it.

She loves me.

She loves me.

And I love her.

God, how I loved her. More than I thought possible.

I've never once loved in my entire life. 

Not until her. 

Not until she changed me completely. 

What is that, anyway? Love?

How can I possible describe the type of feeling I feel when I'm with her? How can I ever convey the words when they are not even clear to me? 

How cruel it is. How utterly cruel the type of feeling is, that she makes me feel.

Because how could I ever live without it.

Not when she showed me how to breathe.

How to live.

How could I ever go back to what I was before her — was there even something before her?

Not when she showed me how to breathe.

With her.

For her. 

Because she is the air that fills my lungs.

The pulse that keeps me alive.

And nothing can ever change that. So how could I ever go back to what I was before? 

Oh, how she tortures me, tortures me with feelings I rather not feel, tortures me with her love that I deserve so little. 

Nothing. 

I deserve nothing and yet she gives me everything.

Why can't I give it back? What chains me, binds this rotten heart? Why does it fail me so cruelly to love her the way she deserves? 

Because she does. 

She deserves everything. 

She is everything. 

Yet there is only my own failure in loving her. I'm failing her again and again. I hurt her again and again. I hate myself, hate myself for the pain I cause her.

Still—

How can I let her go, when she's the only good thing in my life? 

It is selfish, selfish to say the least, to want to keep her close when all I do is fail her.

Her tears were molten iron searing my insides. But I clench my jaw, refusing to let them break me. If she saw weakness, she might hesitate. Might stay and continue to be broken by me. 

Every fiber of my being wanted nothing more than to reach out, to comfort her, to tell her it would all be okay.

More lies for a heart that deserved nothing but the truth. So I swallowed down the love threatening to spill from my lips. 

I would give her anything, my life, the last shreds of my sanity — except the one thing she asked for, the only thing she ever ask for. 

Because loving her, truly loving her, meant letting her go. Even if it destroys me.

"I spare you," I rasped.

"No." She slowly shook her head. "You're killing me. Can't you see?" There was a cold edge in her voice now. "You're killing me."

"I can't change. Love isn't enough. I can't stop."

"You're the only one who thinks that." Her reply held a flicker of her old, beautiful defiance, a defiance I loved so dearly. "I'd follow you anywhere, Satoru. Even if you can't get clean, then so be it. I don't care. I won't leave you."

The sincerity in her voice was a blow, a beautiful, terrible blow. Complete, unwavering acceptance of who I was, in all my brokenness.

And in that moment, I finally realized. 

It wasn't about saving her. It was about saving myself from the terrifying vulnerability her love demanded. From the weakness that threatened to drown me if I let her in.

Perhaps I'm just a coward after all.

My heart was too damn small, too messed up. Of course I had to push her out, deny her the love she offered so freely — because it terrified me.

Her love terrified me.

"I can't do this to you," I choked out, the words scraping my throat raw. "You deserve—" I swallowed, the words catching in my throat. "You deserve better." 

"Better?" She leaned forward slightly. "You are my better."

Oh, love, that's not true.

You are my better. I'm your worst.

I wanted to say that, should've said that.

But I remained silent, unable to say anything. 

"Say something, Satoru." 

I couldn't, simply couldn't. Because mere words were too hollow, too insignificant against the depth of her pain.

"Say something, damn it!" 

"It will get easier someday," I chocked out. Each word felt like a stone I was forcing down my own throat. Each word empty — we both knew it.

"Is that what you hope for?"

"I have to."

She closed her mouth. Her silence more devastating than any scream. She didn't explode, as I half-expected. Instead, she straightened, her movements slow, weary.

I watched her, unable to move, unable to look away, as a horrifying realization bloomed across her face. It wasn't anger, wasn't sadness — it was a terrible understanding.

She knew. She always knew.

Perhaps that's what I hated about her the most.

"That's it?" she asked.

"That's it."

She watched me.  Not in anger, but with chilling detachment. Her eyes, usually so filled with warmth, were now as distant as those of a stranger. 

Still, I burned the image into my soul, knowing it might be the last time.

Then, without another word, she turned. And walked away.

When she finally disappeared from sight, a wave of crushing despair washed over me. It wasn't just the loneliness. It was the terrifying certainty that there was no going back from this. 

I had destroyed the best thing in my life — a sacrifice she didn't even ask for.

But then again, my sacrifice is really only an illusion after all, masking a desperate, terrified selfishness.

Because I'm selfish.

I do love her.  Gods, how I love her. 

But my fear was stronger.

And I was too damn weak to fight it.

─── ·✧· ───

Four weeks.

Was it four weeks?

I can't remember.

Time — it didn't tick or flow anymore. 

It was a shapeless thing. Punctuated only by the empty thump of my heart in this wrecked chest.

Those first days — or weeks, who knows? — they melted together in a haze. After she left, I was — raw. One giant exposed nerve.  

Each damn breath without the pills felt like scraping sandpaper across it, a reminder  of what I'd lost — no, what I'd destroyed.

So I was barely sober.

My body didn't even protest. At first, it was almost — nice? The rush, the way it wiped out not just the pain but any thought at all.

But the crash was always brutal. Mornings, if you could even call it that, I'd wake up shaking, sick to my stomach, and terrified of — what was I even terrified of? Somehow of everything and nothing at all. But I knew the fix for that. 

It was a sick, relentless cycle.

The phone rang, vibrated with messages. Suguru mostly. His messages growing more urgent with each unanswered text. Liver issues. Treatment. Something about irreversible damage.   

It was all white noise compared to the screaming in my head.

Her name, though, cut through the haze.

There were nights — or was it days? — when a desperate, clawing need to hear her voice, to see her face, would rise up in me. I'd reach for the phone, fingers hovering above her name. Then the fear would crush that impulse. 

I knew that reaching out to her would be the final act of cruelty.

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next. 

Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

─── ·✧· ───

I stood in the corridor outside the auditorium.

My fingers fumbled with the familiar pill bottle. Just enough to numb the edge, get me through the lecture. With a bitter swallow, I tilted the pill into my palm, chasing it down dry.

Four weeks. Four weeks of barely holding it together, four weeks since I almost OD'd, four weeks since she left, and the weight of it all threatened to crush me at any moment. 

Yet, muscle memory took over.

I limped slightly as I walked into the auditorium. My leg still hurt after she basically cut my muscle in half. 

She definitely did that on purpose. She was too smart not to not know what she was doing.

The usual chatter died down when I walked in.  Old routine. Time for the performance. Pretend I'm the professor, pretend like this whole thing isn't ripping me apart, piece by piece. It should have been comforting. 

Once, perhaps, it was.

Wordlessly, I grabbed a marker, scrawled my name on the board. Like they didn't already know who I was, right? 

Everyone on campus knows, especially after this summer's mess.

With a sigh, I turned towards the class.

And there she was. 

My breath hitched, the marker clattering to the floor. My lips parted, but no words came.

Of course.

Of fucking course. 

Second-year lecture. 

How the hell could I forget that?

She was here, after everything, right in front of me. The pain of the past weeks, that suffocating emptiness — it all melted away, replaced by a pounding headache in that one instant.

My eyes clung to her, unable to look away, drinking in the sight of her. That stubborn tilt of her head, the pain in those beautiful eyes — God, how I'd missed her. 

Yet with every beat of my yearning heart came a fresh wave of guilt. I longed to reach out, to apologize, to tell her how much I'd missed her. 

But I knew it was wrong. 

Then, it hit me. Every eye in the room was on her, following my gaze like a spotlight burning into her. Damn it.

Still, she didn't flinch.

Endured it like she has always endured everything.

Clearing my throat, I managed to speak as I adverted my gaze. "So, uh, let's start the lecture."

My voice echoed in the now tense auditorium, words tumbling out in a forced attempt at normalcy. The lecture blurred. My own words were just noise in my head. I pushed through the lecture. Don't even remember what I lectured about.

It was routine, should have been easy, but — not with her there. Never with her. 

Every damn minute, my eyes flicked towards her, drawn like a magnet. I couldn't help it. Because all I could see was her. But she avoided my gaze.

Should've expected that.

Shouldn't make me angry, right?

Still did.

Finally, thank god, the bell rang. 

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I remained behind my desk and gathered my notes. Students surged towards the exit, a faceless blur of motion. My traitorous gaze remained locked on her as the auditorium slowly emptied.

She and her friends passed by me. Before I could even think, the words tumbled out, "Wait, not—not you, first-year."

Silence. 

Her friend's chatter halted abruptly. I hadn't meant to say it, hadn't thought before the desperate need to speak to her had short-circuited my brain.

Now, it was done.

Her eyes, those beautiful eyes, met mine. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. 

Her friends exchanged glances. I could feel Zenin glaring daggers at me, didn't even need to look. She'd always been fiercely protective.

"I'll catch up later," she said then to her friends, a strained smile plastered on her face. 

They left, leaving us alone in the vast, suddenly suffocating auditorium.

Silence again.

My heart hammered against my ribs, so loud I feared she could hear it.

Finally, she spoke. "You know I'm not a first-year anymore."

I rounded the desk, the wood rough against my fingertips. "Yeah, right. Sorry." Leaning against it, I crossed my arms.

"Didn't you get suspended?"

"They postponed it."

She watched me for a moment, those beautiful eyes drilling into me. Her eyes held a coldness I've never seen before. For a sickening moment, I thought I might throw up.

"How are you?"

"Don't," she snapped. "Don't ask me that. Don't you dare pretend to care after—" 

She stopped herself, the silence louder than any accusation. After everything you did. After you pushed me away. After you nearly killed yourself.

She didn't need to voice it.

My hands clenched into fists against the edge of my desk, nails digging into my palms in a futile attempt to ground myself. Needed to maintain this thin illusion of control.

I do care. Dammit, I care more than you'll ever know. 

I wanted to scream it, to tear open my chest and show her the bleeding wound she'd left behind. But the words stuck in my throat. 

Pointless now, anyway.

Knuckles turned white, nails digging deeper.

She stepped closer. Her hand darted into her bag, then shot out, palm open. Keys glinted in the harsh light — the keys to my apartment. 

I watched them for a second. Should've expected that. Shouldn't hurt me. Still did.

"You don't have to return them. I want you to keep them."

"Why? I won't need them anymore, will I? Or are you planning on overdosing again?"

Each word was acid on an open wound.

I deserved this, the anger, the contempt, it was all on me. But why the hell did it make me so fucking angry?

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

I tried to speak, but she cut me off.  "Don't. You. Dare."

"Four weeks," she went on, her voice sharp, laced with a fury that cut to the bone. "Four weeks of silence. Ever think I might be drowning, haunted by what I saw? Or were you too busy numbing yourself with pills? Hell, I didn't even know if you'd overdosed for good this time!"

Her words hit me cold, but they weren't the storm tearing me apart. It was the image of her, terrified, holding my barely-alive body, that ripped my insides out. 

Those eyes — her eyes filled with a terror that was all because of me. The guilt choked me. Seeing my near-death through her haunted eyes is twisted a knife in my gut.

It was the look of someone who'd had a piece of her soul ripped out. 

It was the look of someone who loved me.

"But then again, you never cared about me, did you?" she added, the raw hurt bleeding beneath the anger.

My stomach twisted. "Don't you dare say that," I rasped, the words ripping from my throat. "I care so much it damn near killed me. You were the only thing keeping me alive, the only reason I fought at all! Don't you dare say I don't—" I choked, the pain unbearable.

The room seemed to tilt, my anger threatening to consume me. 

I took a step towards her, closing the distance in one move. We were so close, I could smell her damn shampoo. "Every damn thing I did, every stupid decision—it was all because I care about you too much."

Her eyes widened. But only for a second. Then, that cold defiance was back, and it cut deep. 

"You're really pathetic, you know that?" she spat. "You talk about caring, but in the end you threw everything away. Because you are too terrified to let yourself love me. Because apparently your own damn peace is worth more than me."

Her words were knives, finding their mark with cruel efficiency. 

"Shut up," I whispered. "You know nothing."

"Oh really?" She glared at me, "then let me paint the picture for you—the minute things got difficult, the second you had to face actual consequences for your actions, you used it as an excuse to back away. Shut yourself down."

She moved closer still. "Convenient, wasn't it? Pushing me away, destroying us—it absolved you from having to confront anything real."

Her accusations hit uncomfortably close to home.

And I didn't want to hear it from her lips.

Not from hers.

"Shut up," I growled.

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up," she snapped back, her voice rising. "You don't get to play the victim here. You did this. You ruined everything."

Fury ignited, not at her, but at myself. 

Blindly, I reached out, my fingers gripping her jaw so tight it bordered on violence. I forced her to look at me, my eyes burning into hers. "Shut up, or I swear to god, I'll make you."

Her chin lifted, eyes narrowing. "I dare you."

The words set me on fire. Every rational thought, every vestige of self-preservation was devoured by a sudden, desperate need. My gaze fell to her lips, slightly parted, a vulnerable target I craved to claim.

Without even thinking, my hand went to her waist, fingers digging in as I pulled her impossibly close. My other hand tangled in her hair, forcing her head back. Our eyes locked, some kind of messed-up challenge.

I could feel her rapid breaths on my skin, smell that damn perfume of hers that I'd always loved, but now was driving me to the edge of control. Her heart pounding against mine.

Everything in me screamed to close the distance, claim those lips that had haunted me, haunted me for weeks. 

I wanted to claim her, to silence her, to lose myself in her, but my last shred of sanity held me back.

Because pushing her further into my nightmare was the ultimate act of cruelty. 

"Uncomfortable, isn't it? Getting confronted with the ugly truth?" she whispered against my lips.

My grip on her tightened. She really didn't know when to stop, or maybe she simply wanted to watch me burn. Perhaps both.

"Don't push me."

"Why? Scared of what you'll find if you let yourself be honest for once?" Her head tilted. Her gaze was fire, and I was already ash. "You run, Satoru. From everything, but most of all, from yourself."

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

Oh, she could be so viciously cruel when she wanted to. So disgustingly cruel. It was one of the things I'd fallen hopelessly in love with. Even now, as it tore me apart, I still loved it. 

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

"You're right. You're always right. Maybe that's what's terrifies me about you so much."

"You're not terrified of me," she whispered. "You're terrified of yourself."

The air between us crackled. Every rational thought in my brain begged me to stop. Still, I couldn't resist. I inched closer, helpless against the force that binds and burns us both.

My hands tightened their hold as I took a sharp inhale. Her eyes fluttered shut, lashes trembling. 

Our lips hovered, almost touching, two aching souls suspended in that impossible space. So much unspoken words, so much hurt, and the destructive pull between us that had always tethered us together.

Then, the auditorium door creaked open. 

Her head snapped towards the sound. But I couldn't look away, wouldn't miss a second of her. Because this, right here, was all I had left.

Had to be Suguru anyway — anyone else would be screaming their heads off by now.

After a pause, she turned back at me. "You know, I'm still waiting."

"For what, love?"

"For it to get easier."

I looked at her, the woman I loved, and guilt clawed at my insides. That hurt, that anger on her face — I deserved it all. Because it was the consequence of the pain I'd caused.

"You said it would get easier," she added.

It was a lie. Nothing about this was easy. Nothing ever would be again. Suddenly, the room felt too small, the air thick and unbreathable.

"I don't know if it ever will."

Perhaps I was only meant to love her in silence.

In distance.

Because at least then I couldn't hurt her anymore.

Suguru cleared his throat. He stepped into the room, breaking the moment.

Reluctantly, I let go of her. She stepped back, eyes holding mine for a second, something flickering there that I didn't dare try to read. Then, without another word, she turned and walked away.

I watched her go.

Suguru approached me, stopping close by. He didn't say anything.

I leaned against the desk, running a hand through my hair. The adrenaline from that almost-kiss crashed, leaving behind a hollow ache.

The sound of the door slamming behind her echoed in the empty auditorium, way too loud.

Suguru's hand landed on my shoulder. 

"You really have a thing for bad timing," I muttered.

"Bad timing," he echoed, "or good timing to stop you from doing something stupid?"

I didn't answer. The memory of her, so close, choked every thought out of my mind.

"You know it was the right thing to do. With everything going on, letting her go was the right decision."

"I know," I said, pushing off the desk and rounding it to gather my things. I couldn't meet his gaze. "I'm trying to remember that."

Suguru then started placing pill bottles on the desk with a serious expression. The first clink of plastic on wood cut through the silence. 

"Prednisone for the liver inflammation." Another bottle. "Lactulose for the hepatic encephalopathy." Then another. "Vitamin B and K for the nutritional deficiencies."

"But you know the first step would be to—" he paused for a second then placed another two bottles in from of me. "Methadone, to manage the withdrawal and craving. And Naltrexone, to block the euphoric effects of your opioids."

Hesitantly, another bottle appeared. "Clonidine, in case you feel like you're dying."

"Suguru—" I began, but he cut me off.

"Satoru, you have to get clean. The pills won't do a damn thing if you keep wrecking your liver."

"Yeah, it's a little late for that, don't you think? It's the only thing keeping me sane right now."

He sighed.  "You're the absolute worst patient ever."

"Aw, come on, I thought you liked a bit of challenge. You're the best doctor, you'll figure something out."  I rummaged through my bag, pulling out a folder.

"Even the best doctor on earth can't help if you don't—"

I shoved the folder across the desk, cutting him off. "What's this?"

"It's a patient. An anyeurism. I'm still not allowed to do surgery, not until this thing with the ethics committee is over."

Suguru opened the folder, flipping through the pages.  "You want me to do it?  Is there something special about this patient?"

"I want you to take her with you," I said quietly. "She likes aneurysm clippings."

Suguru looked up, that familiar crease between his brows.  "She'll figure it out. Sooner or later. Latest when you're in the hospital waiting for a liver transplant, not lecturing anymore."

Silence stretched. My eyes fell on the pill bottles lined up on the desk. 

I sighed, then gathered them and crammed them into my bag.  "Let's go. I need fresh fair," I said as I brushed past him, putting the withdrawal meds back into his hands.

Without another word, I left the auditorium.

─── ·✧· ───

My eyes snapped open.

I sat upright, a strangled gasp tearing from my throat. My heart hammered against my ribs, each beat threatening to burst right out of my chest. 

For a disorienting second, the world was a blur. Sweat drenched my skin. My lungs screamed for air.

Damn nightmares. 

Another night of that shit. 

I clutched at my chest, trying to quell the frantic pounding. Cold sweat made my shirt cling to my skin. The room spun. My pulse thundered in my ears.

I fumbled for the lamp, the sudden brightness stinging my eyes. But it didn't chase away the image seared into my brain. Her face, cruel, beautiful, cruelly beautiful, twisted in absolute terror. My stomach twisted.

My fault. 

Always my fault.

I couldn't breathe right.

Sleep was a lost cause now. First decent rest in a week, and my brain decided to torment me again. Exhaustion was its own kind of hell, but it was nothing compared to this. That, more than anything, was the real torture.

I slumped forward, scrubbing a hand over my face.

I'd hurt her. 

I'd hurt her, the one person who meant something.

Every day, it felt more like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Letting her go, pushing her away, I—

I hated myself. 

Hated the way I ruined everything.

Hated the way I ruined every chance at something good. 

It was like a damn curse.

Nothing good ever lasted for me. I should've known that by now.

Damn it, I knew it was wrong. But how the hell could it be wrong when it'd felt so damn right? When she was the only thing, the only person, that cut through the crap, made this whole mess seem like it might have some sort of meaning?

How could that possibly be wrong?

Guilt ate at my insides. Had I been a damn coward? Too scared to fight for something that made me feel, really feel?

Perhaps.

Easier to push her away, sabotage the whole damn thing, than risk actually letting her in. Letting anyone in. Losing control. But it didn't matter now, did it? 

It was over. 

I needed out. Out of my head, out of this apartment, out of my own damn skin. 

The silence was unbearable.

I pushed off the bed, muscles screaming in protest. I slipped into running clothes, the routine automatic. As I laced up my shoes, a sharp sting shot through my leg from the still-healing cut on my leg.

That bitch. 

The more I thought about it, the more sure I was she'd done it on purpose.

Good thing I was addicted to painkillers, huh?

I drowned a pill — no two, for good measure — before stepping outside into the pre-dawn chill. 

Cold autumn air bit at my skin. Each step echoed on the empty street. The pills kicked in, dulling the sharp pain in my leg. Good. Long as the cut didn't split open, I didn't damn care.

I pushed myself, needing the burn in my muscles, the ache in my lungs, to drown out the constant echo of her voice, her name, in my head.

The world blurred. Streetlights, shadows, it all melded together. The only reality was the ache in my body, the cold air forcing its way into my lungs. My mind, for once, was mercifully blank. 

No nightmares, no guilt, no memories of her haunted eyes — just the simple focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

I didn't set a goal, didn't choose a destination. 

Just moving, pushing, escaping.

Sweat dripped, but I barely registered. With each mile, the crushing weight eased. Not gone, hell, not even close to forgotten, but  — manageable. 

I ran until the city was a smear of lights, until my legs burned and my lungs screamed. 

Finally, gasping for breath, legs threatening to give out, I stumbled to a halt. The neon lights of a Seven Eleven cut through the pre-dawn darkness. My throat was sandpaper. I pushed through the door.

Inside, the harsh lights stung my eyes. I grabbed a water, my body on autopilot as I shuffled toward the register. The bored-looking teenager behind the counter gave me a sidelong look as I fumbled for my wallet.

"Rough night?"

"Something like that." I glanced down at my leg, the still-healing cut a visible red line. Wincing, I shifted my weight, favoring the uninjured side. 

I pulled out my card to pay, but then a flash of color caught my eye. Beside the cashier's register, stacked in a gaudy pyramid, was a display of energy drinks. I starred at them for a second, the name oddly familiar.

I knew why the name was so familiar.

I reached for a can and placed it on the counter. "And this."

Outside, I downed the water in a matter of seconds. Then, I cracked open the energy drink. The first sip hit my tongue. Surprisingly, it didn't taste half-bad without a shot of stale coffee to ruin it. 

But the taste wasn't the problem, wasn't it? 

Memories flooded back. Her, hunched over a massive anatomy textbook in the dim library, those beautiful eyes ringed with exhaustion. Beside her, half-empty, a mug of coffee — spiked with the sickeningly sweet energy drink I currently held.

Just the thought of that awful mixture made my stomach turn.

Still, a smile tugged at my lips.

Dammit, I didn't want to think about her. But to be fair, thinking, not thinking — it was all the same. The dull, constant ache of her absence throbbed beneath it all.

I chugged the rest of the energy drink, crushing the can in my hand.

Ah, fuck it.

Before my sanity could interfere, my legs were in motion.

I knew this was wrong. Knew every step took me closer to more pain. Knew all along this was stupid, reckless — inevitable. 

I couldn't stop.

The pull towards her was too damn strong. I needed to see her, to confirm her existence, to know she was real, to fix — what? What the hell could I fix? What the hell did I even think I was doing?

Finally, gasping for breath, I stumbled to a halt outside her apartment building.

A glance at my watch confirmed the hour — well past 3 am. Insane. I hadn't expected her to be awake. Just needed the pathetic reassurance of her presence. But as I looked up, my breath hitched. 

In a second-floor window, a flicker of warm light spilled into the darkness. And there, etched against that warmth — her silhouette. Unmistakable.

A heavy exhale escaped my lips. 

She was there.

Here.

On this same cursed world with me.

My heart pounded against my ribs. I knew, I had no right to be here. But god, I needed this, needed to see her.

She sat on the windowsill, book in hand. My future wife. Even in the dead of night, she was studying. How I loved her.

My gaze traced the familiar curve of her shoulders, the way the soft lamplight painted her skin with warmth, highlighting the strands of hair escaping her messy bun. 

In that stolen moment, I could almost convince myself that things were different, that my actions hadn't irrevocably shattered something precious.

But then, she moved. Rising from her seat, she stretched, drawing the fabric of her shirt upwards. Before my mind could catch up, she was at the window, pushing it open. I froze.

She was staring down — right at me. 

Shit.

I held my breath. For what felt like an eternity, we simply stared at each other. A muscle in her jaw twitched. Then her gaze dropped, breaking eye contact.

"You're bleeding."

I glanced down. The edge of my shorts was soaked through, a fresh stain of crimson spreading. Damn it. The cut had reopened.

"Yeah," I said, looking back up at her, "I'm a mess."

I braced myself for whatever was coming. The anger, the disgust, the righteous fury — it would all be justified. I deserved it. But she simply watched me. Her gaze was steady, devoid of emotion. 

"You know where the entrance is," she said finally, then leaned back into the soft glow of her room and closed the window shut.

Before my brain could catch up with how wrong this was, I walked toward the apartment building.

─── ·✧· ───

I sat on the edge of her bed, she on a chair in front of me, her hands already on my leg as she pushed the fabric of my shorts up. "How could you not notice that?"

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off, "Wait, forget it." 

Yeah. Now she remembered.

With practiced efficiency, she began cleaning the wound. Her touch was surprisingly gentle, considering how pissed she must be. 

The silence was heavy, broken only by the rustle of bandages and my occasional  sharp intake of breath when the antiseptic hit a raw spot.

My eyes wandered. Her space, even small and half-finished, felt warm, lived in. Smelled like her. Books spilling everywhere, papers scattered on a desk, a yoga mat forgotten in the corner — the organized chaos was so perfectly her.

Then my gaze landed on the half-unpacked boxes stacked against the wall. She really still didn't fully move in. Occupied with my mess, huh? 

Guilt flooded me. I didn't deserve this, didn't deserve her gentle hands on me, not after everything. 

Yet, a selfish part of me wanted nothing more than to stay exactly like this, wanted nothing more than to keep her hands on me.

With a sigh, I sank back against her pillows. Exhaustion seeped into my bones. Pain returned as the effects of the pills wore off.

Her fingers brushed the reopened cut. I winced, throwing an arm over my eyes. The relentless pounding in my head threatened to split me open, spilling all the ugly thoughts onto her pristine sheets.

"You've had nightmares again, haven't you?"

Huh? 

I lifted my head a fraction, struggling to meet her eyes. She glanced up briefly, her eyes guarded, then focused back on my leg.

"Yeah, something like that." My head thumped back onto the pillow. "Hard to sleep when your head won't shut up."

"What dose?"

"You really don't want to know."

"I asked because I do," she countered. The sharp tug as she tightened the bandage around my leg was enough to make me speak.

"Ten milligrams," I admitted, wincing. "The usual."

She scoffed, then another, even sharper, tug had me gritting my teeth. "Ngh—fuck," I moaned. 

I really needed a pill now.

She stood, gathering the first-aid supplies. "Heals slowly, doesn't it?"

I knew it.

I popped myself up on one elbow, raising an eyebrow at her. 

"Don't give me that look. You know damn well you deserved it."

I let out a dry laugh. "You really are a bitch sometimes." I dropped back onto the bed, my hand reaching for my throbbing head. 

I needed two pills now.

"You've got some damn nerve. You show up here in the middle of the night, injured, high—"

"I'm not high—"

"Save it," she spat. "You know what your fucking problem is? You can't stand being alone. Alone with your thoughts, with yourself. So you run. You run to pills, to whatever distraction you can find, anything to fill the void."

Yeah, how the hell am I supposed to want to be alone after feeling what it's like to be with you, stupid.

"You're too damn scared to face your fears," she continued, her voice laced with a bitter edge, "and when someone threatens your artificial peace, someone who might actually force you to look in the damn mirror, you panic. You sabotage it, push them away before it all gets too real, too close."

She stepped closer. "Because it's easier, isn't it? Safer to stick with the misery you know than risk having to face that void."

Every word stung, but I couldn't deny it, couldn't lie anymore.

"You're right. And I'm sorry—"

"Don't." She rose a hand at me. "Don't pretend you care, Satoru. You've made it clear how little I matter."

How little you matter? 

Oh, love, you couldn't be more wrong.

A harsh laugh escaped me. 

"You find this funny?"

"No, love," I said, pushing myself up. My leg throbbed in protest, but I ignored it. Everything narrowed down to her. I moved closer, a strange recklessness fueling me. "Quite the opposite."

Something flickered in her eyes — surprise? wariness? — but the anger remained.

"Keep going," I insisted, moving closer. "Let it out. Yell at me, tell me how pathetic I am. Make me feel something, anything other than this damn emptiness."

She hesitated. Her eyes searched mine, and for a breathless moment, I hoped that her fury, her anger, would burn away the numbness, making me feel something, anything.

Because even her anger was better than her indifference.

I couldn't stand being indifferent to her.

Might as well make her hate me.

"You want me to yell at you?" Her voice rose, the first hint of the storm I craved. "Fine! You wanna be a pathetic mess? Go ahead! Piss away your career, your life, whatever the hell you care about, I don't give a damn anymore!"

Each word hit me, but there was a desperate relief in it. Finally, she wasn't looking at me with that chilling indifference, that cold pity that twisted a knife in my gut. 

Her rage, it was fire — scorching and brutal, but alive. And I loved it.

Because it was prove she still cared, even if it was just to hate me with every fiber of her being. It was better than the void, that terrible chasm that had opened up between us after I'd pushed her away.

I closed the distance, enjoying the anger in her eyes. She flinched, but didn't back down.

"More." I grabbed her waist, lifting her with ease, and hauled her towards the bed.

"You're weak!" she spat, pushing against my chest, her voice rising with each word.

Yeah, so damn weak for you, love.

"You're selfish! So consumed by your own self-pity you can't see how you hurt everyone around you!"

Her words should have hurt. They probably would have, under different circumstances. But right now, I couldn't care less.

"Keep going," I rasped, my pulse pounding in my ears. I forced her onto the bed and hovered over her, my body trapping her between the mattress and my own. "C'mon, love, let it all out."

"You don't deserve me," she continued. "You don't deserve anyone who gives a damn, because you only know how to destroy things."

Each word was a knife. Yet, with each insult, the suffocating hollowness inside me eased a fraction. I wanted her anger, the full force of it, wanted the burn only she could inflict on me.

"More."

Her breath hitched, eyes narrowing. "You keep breaking my heart over and over, then come crawling back when it suits you, like it doesn't matter!"

"You're right." I leaned in, my thumb brushing over her bottom lip. The thin fabric of her shirt did little to hide her shivers. "C'mon, love, give it to me. I know you can do better."

In one swift move, I ripped my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor. I leaned down again, my breath ghosting over her lips. "Hate me." My hands went for the flimsy waistband of her shorts. "Tell me how much you despise me."

Her breaths came fast, quick gasps against my skin.  I could see it all over her face — the rage, the fear, and maybe — yeah, maybe that darker edge, the same desperation burning in me.

"I fucking hate you, Satoru. Hate that you made me care, made me fall for you, then crushed it."

"Don't stop," I said, my voice a hoarse rasp. "Say it again." Before she could react, her shorts were down, exposing her to the night air. My own pants followed hasty, desperate. "Say you hate me."

"I fucking hate that you treat me like I'm just another damn plaything to fill whatever void your messed-up mom or whatever left you with!"

Okay, now it gets personal.

"I fucking hate that you act like you can control me," she hissed, but her body betrayed her, shivered running down her skin as my hands gazed her collarbone. "Hate that you make my choices for me, decide what's good for me, like you got to have control over something when you obviously can't control yourself!"

Damn, Freud himself is on to something tonight, huh? She really doesn't know when to stop.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

Her eyes widened, then narrowed. She lifted a hand, as if to slap me, but I was faster. I caught her wrists and pinned them above her head, pressing them hard into the mattress.

"You know it's true," I pressed, relishing the way she struggled against my hold. "It's hard always being the composed one, isn't it? The responsible one. It's draining. Maybe that's why you're drawn to me. You love the thrill as much as I do, don't you?"

She stared at me, silent, her lips a tight line. 

"Prove me wrong, sweetheart. Call me a liar, and I'll show you just how wrong you are," I leaned in closer, my voice a harsh whisper against her lips. "We're the same, you and me. We feed off each other. Even if you hate to admit it, I fill that emptiness inside you same as you do for me."

"You arrogant piece of shit!" she spat, twisting and bucking against my grip. "You think you know everything, control everything!"

"Don't I?" My grip tightened, feeling her pulse throb against my fingers. "Seems I've got you pinned pretty damn well, wouldn't you say?"

"You know it's true. You love this. Makes you feel something your books, your fancy grades never could."

"Screw you, Satoru," she hissed, venom in her voice. "We're nothing alike."

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—"

Her spit hit my face. I closed my eyes for a second, then a smile twisted across my lips. 

My future wife just spit in my face — what a good anecdote on our wedding day.

"That's my girl," I rasped, shoving her legs wider. "Tell me how much you hate me. Scream it."

"I fucking hate you Satoru, I hate you—"

Her words died on her tongue as I thrust forward, filling her completely. I closed my eyes, letting my head hang heavy for a second. 

My god, the things this woman's body could do to me. I could feel her body trembling beneath me, her heart racing as she arched her back.

How treacherous a body can be, huh?

"Hate you, Satoru," she managed to say before she closed her eyes, biting down her lip as I thrust deeper still. Her thighs spread further apart, inviting me closer, urging me onward. 

She's so damn beautiful.

I grinned, my hands still holding her wrists in place over her head. "I know you do, love. But you know what?" My lips were only a breath away from hers. "I hate you, too. I hate how you make me feel, how you expose every broken piece of me, how I crave you like I crave another fix."

Hell, I might just be addicted to this woman.

I pulled out fully, before thrusting back into her. Her head fell back, pressing into the mattress as a strangled moan escaping her lips.

She felt incredible.

Pulling back slowly, I watched her body react to the absence, her eyes flickering open to meet mine. Those pupils dilated with need, mirroring my own hunger for her. 

In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not our fight. Not our problems. Not our insults that had left our lips moments before. Just us — two halves coming together in a perfect whole. 

I pushed back into her, deeper, harder.

With each thrust, I felt myself sinking deeper into her, losing myself in her. Fuck, if there was anything better than this — well, I hadn't found it yet.

This woman owned me — plain and simple.

It was madness, this pull towards her. 

Insane, perhaps.

But it was also undeniably real. So real that even though dawn threatened to break soon, stealing away whatever remnants of darkness remained, I couldn't help but chase after that high only she could provide.

Even knowing full well that when morning arrived, reality would crash down upon us, forcing us back onto opposite sides of the divide.

"Look what you've done to me, love. You're making a fool of me." I whispered against her lips without touching them.

Weren't together anymore after all.

Kissing would be too much.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly beneath me. Her nails dug into my skin where my hands gripped her wrists. With each deep thrust, I watched her face contort with pleasure and pain, her features illuminated by fleeting streaks of moonlight seeping through the curtains.

I loved that look on her face.

I wondered if I could make that look even more pathetic.

I pulled out, dragging the tip of my length across her clit before pushing back in. She squirmed underneath me, arching her back. But I denied her, keeping my unhurried pace. I wanted to draw out this sweet torture for as long as possible.

Hours passed — or perhaps mere minutes. I couldn't tell anymore. All that mattered was this woman writhing beneath me.

Groaning in frustration, she attempted to break free from my grip. "Dammit, Satoru. If you won't finish what you started, then get off me!"

I smirked. "Why so eager, love. Can't handle the wait?" I leaned in to kiss down the side of her neck. She shivered beneath me, her breath hitching as my teeth grazed her skin. 

With my free hand I reached down, running my fingers down her quivering stomach, relishing in the shivers that coursed through her body. 

She glared up at me, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "Stop calling me 'love'. I don't belong to you, not anymore—" 

She gasped into my mouth when I found her clit. Slowly, deliberately, I began to circle it with my thumb, feeling her surrender to me. I plunged deeper, thrusting into her mercilessly.

Let her hate me all she wants. She can't deny the chemistry between us — a spark that refuses to fade, no matter how hard either of us tries.

She must have hated this — hated how she surrendered to me, even with all that anger. Made me wondered if I could rail her up even more.

"You think you're so much better than me?" I rasped. "So strong, so selfless, always putting others first? It's a lie, and you know it. You're just bored."

"You fucker!" Before I knew what was happening, she broke free of my grasp and had flipped us over so that she was now straddling my hips. 

Without warning, she reached forward, gripping my throat with surprising strength as she leaned down, her hair falling like a curtain around our faces. I couldn't help but smile.

"Don't project your bullshit on me," she seethed, her face inches from mine. 

Her words sent a chill down my spine, stirring up a fresh wave of desire within me. Damn, this woman was infuriating — and captivating in the worst way possible.

We glared at each other like enemies preparing for battle. 

"Aren't you a little tired? Pulling up that act all the time?" I choked out, feeling her fingers dig in further. "Deep down, you're just as bored as me, you're just too righteous to admit it."

"Shut up," she hissed, pressing harder, choking the words out of me.

This was madness. Destructive madness. But for this one desperate moment, I didn't care. It was exhilarating, addictive. Because love, our twisted, broken love, wasn't supposed to be pretty.

It was messy, chaotic, and borderline abusive. But sometimes all you need is a firm grip around the throat to remind you that you're alive.

"Harder, love," I gasped, a laugh bubbling up in my constricted throat. "Come on, make me feel your rage."

Slowly, deliberately, she began grinding her hips against mine, setting a maddening pace that left me reeling. Fuck, I think I love it even more when she hates me.

"Ahh, shit," I gasped, clutching at her thighs as she rode me mercilessly. "That's it."

Eyes squeezed shut, my head rolled back. Chills prickled my skin, possibly due to the cool breeze drifting in from the window. Or perhaps it was merely her.

She rode me with increased speed, and I could barely contain the overwhelming sensations coursing through my body. Every fiber of my being screamed for release. 

My knuckles on her thighs turned white from the force. "Oh, shit, you're going to kill me," I moaned between choked sounds that escaped my lips. 

My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive."

"You're wrong," she said, increasing her pace making my cock twitch inside her. "We're nothing alike."

"Keep telling yourself that," I replied, struggling to catch my breath, as she made me lose my mind. "But I know the truth—we're two sides of the same coin."

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"Why else would you be here, like this, with me?" I countered. "Face it, we're addicted to each other—the highs, the lows, the constant push and pull. It's exhilarating, isn't it?"

"You're the only addict here."

"Liar," I rasped.

Her muscles clenched around me, drawing me deeper inside her. She was close. Each contraction of her pushing me further towards a peak that I knew would soon shatter me.

But I wasn't ready yet. Not quite.

I shifted our positions, sitting upright before spinning us around so she was now beneath me on the mattress. I positioned myself behind her, forcing her down onto the mattress.

I slowly slid my hand along her spine as I pushed her further down, feeling her tremble beneath my touch, the softness of her skin beneath my fingertips. 

It was intoxicating to watch her submit to me.

"Fuck, you'll be the death of me."

Leaning down, I pressed my lips against the small of her back, feeling her shiver once more. My hand continued its descent, stopping just short of where she needed me.

"Satoru," my name fell from her lips.

Oh, how I loved it when she breathed my name like that. I couldn't resist her — could never resist her. I was at her mercy. Even now.

She arched her back, silently pleading for me to continue. I slid my hand between her legs. "God, you're so fucking wet," I murmured, slipped a finger inside her, then another. She was so tight, so warm. 

I couldn't wait to be inside her again.

She gasped, pushing back against me. "Don't stop."

Curving my fingers, I searched for that spot that I knew would drive her mad. When I found it, she cried out, her hips bucking against my hand. Her hands scrabbled at the sheets, grasping for purchase as I started to move inside her.

"Yes, fuck," she moaned, spreading her legs wider. "Right there."

Oh, love. I know you like that.

I smiled, relishing the fact that I knew her body better than herself. I knew every inch of her, every freckle, every scar, every sensitive spot that made her squirm. 

"More," she begged.

I happily obliged, adding a third finger and thrusting deeper. She was soaking wet, her juices coating my fingers as I fucked her with my hand. Her moans grew louder, more urgent. She was close, so close.

I increased the pace of my fingers, pumping them in and out of her as I used my thumb to apply pressure to her clit. 

However, as her moans reached a fever pitch, I withdrew my fingers, denying her release.

She gasped, glanced over her shoulder at me, her mouth open, but said nothing — probably out of breath. 

I brought my fingers to my mouth, savoring the taste of her. It was so uniquely her. I couldn't get enough.

Leaning in, I pressed my body against hers from behind, my hard length probed at her entrance. 

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear.

She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you."

I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her. 

"It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

With that, I pushed her head down into the mattress. Her cry muffled by the sheets beneath her as I thrust into her once more, bottoming out inside her with a groan.

I began to move in and out of her. Faster now, harder until the headboard slammed against the wall. Her muscles clenched around me, drawing me deeper inside her. She clawed at the sheets beneath her, her moans muffled by the fabric.

As her cries grew louder, I quickly pushed her face further into the mattress. "Quiet, first year," I murmured as I angled myself to rub against her G-spot, making it harder for her to keep quiet. "Wouldn't want to disturb anyone in the middle of the night, would we?"

Neither of us spoke a word — not that she could but — perhaps because there was nothing left to say. Instead, we communicated solely through our actions, saying everything that needed to be said without opening our mouths.

I increased both the pace and pressure. Nearly causing her to fall forward hadn't I held her in place with one hand on her waist and one sill in her hair. Her breath hitched, her entire body tensed as she approached her breaking point.

Oh, how I loved feeling her tighten around me.

Bringing her closer to the edge was a thrill like no other. Watching her lose control, hearing her cries and moans, feeling her body tremble beneath me — it was intoxicating.

I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, my balls tightening as I approached my own release. 

Her cries grew louder, more urgent, until finally, she shattered around me, her orgasm triggering my own.

With a final thrust, I emptied myself inside her, filling her completely. Her contractions milked every last drop from me, her body still quivering around me. 

I stayed inside her, savoring the feeling. It might be the last time.

I was panting, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to catch my breath. My cock was still twitching inside her. Reluctantly, I pulled out with a low moan.

I stayed behind her for a moment longer, admiring the curve of her waist, the sheen of sweat on her skin in the sliver of moonlight. 

Don't know when or if I'll ever see that again.

Time seemed to stand still, suspended indefinitely as we tried to find our breath again.

Then she turned her head. "You're a fucking idiot," she finally said.

"Tell me something I don't know."

She shifted to face me, her expression serious.  "Promise me something."

"Anything you want, love."

"Promise me, you won't kill yourself with your pills."

I swallowed hard. That's not what'll get me, I thought, as I felt a sharp pain lancing through my right side.

I moved closer, cupping her face with my hands that trembled slightly. For an insane moment, I wanted to kiss her, but I knew I couldn't — couldn't ever again. "I promise," I rasped.

The words heavy with a lie we both knew.

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

author's note: wooooaaa, another insane!gojo chapter lol. this chapter really killed me, was crying, screaming, throwing up while writing.

i'm equally scared and excited to hear what you think about todays chapter, ngl. originally i didn't plan a smut scene in this chapter, but you know, somewhere down that line gojo just happened and here we are. 

also like, i think now both their's darkest secrets are now out — in the worst way possible. also because i keep getting messages regarding how much chapters are left of the story, idk i write form chapter to chapter. we're down somewhere the 60—70 % line with the story i guess, but we'll see. still more to uncover of gojo's past and all that.

also sorry for the people asking of for more fluff and happy moments, ehhh, there will be some in the future?? also i'm still sticking to the plan of a happy ending, so don't worry!! gojo fucked up big time and the next chapters will center about him trying to fight his fears and get shit together — let's see if he can do that. curious myself.

so thank you so so much for sicking by with the story. sending kisses to all of you lovely people seeing me messages, leaving likes, comments and reblog stuff. it really makes my heart happy everything i see a notification. love you all sm!! ♡

okay my last note, just so you know, i'm going on vocation soon, so the next chapter will be a bit delayed again, sorraaaayyy!! wishing you a great day or night and an awesome weekend ahead! ♡

🏷️ @sad-darksoul @aerithsthingss @mylovelessnightmare @bbyxxm @musababy @neuviloved @ykehqqy @hexrts-anatomy @fvsm4x @tw0fvced @heijihattorisgf @sadmonke @thatsopanu @sirencholia @sugurusdiscordmoderator @erwinslut @shervinss @certainlysyko @mechalily @purplehallow11 @kendall0111 @bloopsstuff @therealestpussyeater @louoi7 @whereflowerswenttodie @billiondollarworth @deluluforcarlos55 @starrynight-777 @vina21 @michelleeveline @boba-is-a-soup @cre8inghavoc @love-jelly @daimiyu @d0nk3y-k0ng @mo0nforme @smolbeanzzz @oneiricals @ynishalee @gojolvrr34 @nanasukii28 @ariiiii0938 @kelppsstuff @tojisdollx @drakenswifeyy @bakarinnie @vina21 @phoenix-eclipses @nanamis-baker @neptnszn (pls comment on the series masterlist to get tagged in the future!)

#symptoms and causes #gojo saturo #jujutsu kaisen #saturo gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x you #gojo x female reader #satoru gojo smut #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo angst #gojo angst #jjk smut #gojo satoru #jjk x you #jjk fanfic

[promptfairy]

❥    𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐃𝐘𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐒    [   𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂    ]   .

designed for ships, but can be used for a variety of relationship types. change gendered language/add context to your needs. happy roleplaying !!  ♡

❛  it feels so good to be bad.  ❜ ❛  it really makes me wonder if i ever gave a fuck about you.  ❜ ❛  give me something to believe in.  ❜ ❛  i don’t believe in you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i wonder if it even makes a difference to try.  ❜ ❛  so, this is goodbye.  ❜ ❛  one day i’ll wake up & it won’t hurt anymore.  ❜ ❛  it’s like i can’t even feel after the way you touched me.  ❜ ❛  you’re everything that i want, but you don’t want me.  ❜ ❛  am i a regret, yet?  ❜ ❛  was it worth what it costed?  ❜ ❛  you make me nauseous.  ❜ ❛  you’re overrated.  ❜ ❛  when i think of you, i just want to throw up.  ❜ ❛  all my friends say that you’re toxic.  ❜ ❛  why does love suck?  ❜ ❛  love hurts whether it’s right or wrong.  ❜ ❛  i can’t stop, i’m having too much fun.  ❜ ❛  you can’t save me, baby.  ❜ ❛  you never call or listen to me anyway.  ❜ ❛  where were you tuesday, october tenth?  ❜ ❛  how is your jacket covered in blood?  ❜ ❛  how was the party? did you have fun?  ❜ ❛  i fell in love with the warning signs.  ❜ ❛  the only time i feel alive is when i’m touching the warning signs.  ❜ ❛  if you tell me to stay away, i’m gonna dive in again.  ❜ ❛  my favorite color is red like the flags you fly overhead.  ❜ ❛  well, i should have known.  ❜ ❛  didn’t you see it coming? didn’t you see the signs?  ❜ ❛  i’ll break your pretty face.  ❜ ❛  bite your tongue & choke yourself to sleep.  ❜ ❛  you can hold my hand if no one’s home.   ❜ ❛  do you like it when i’m away?  ❜ ❛  you’re a pond & i’m an ocean.  ❜ ❛  all my emotions feel like explosions when you are around.  ❜ ❛  i am a wreck when i’m without you.  ❜ ❛  was it something i said to make you feel like you’re a burden?  ❜ ❛  tell me, is it worth it?  ❜ ❛  she’s a lady & i am just a line without a hook.  ❜ ❛  do what you want as long as you stay here.  ❜ ❛  you’ll change your name or change your mind & leave this fucked up place behind, but i’ll know.  ❜ ❛  if you ever try to leave me, i’ll find you, [name].  ❜ ❛  i’ll be the bad guy, now.  ❜ ❛  i couldn’t be there, even when i tried.  ❜ ❛  seasons changed & our love went cold.  ❜ ❛  i knew that this was doomed from the get-go.  ❜ ❛  you thought that it was special, but it was just the sex, though.  ❜ ❛  it’s only me; what have you got to lose?  ❜ ❛  you should take it as a compliment that i got drunk & made fun of the way you talk.  ❜ ❛  you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong.  ❜ ❛  you’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much.  ❜ ❛  you’ve ruined my life by not being mine.  ❜ ❛  you’re so gorgeous, i can’t say anything to your face. ’cause look at your face.  ❜ ❛  i’m so furious at you for making me feel this way.  ❜ ❛  if you’ve got a girlfriend, i’m jealous of her. but if you’re single, that’s honestly worse.  ❜ ❛  you’re so gorgeous, it actually hurts.  ❜ ❛  you make me so happy, it turns back to sad.  ❜ ❛  there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have.  ❜ ❛  guess i’ll just stumble on home to my cats. alone … unless you wanna come along?  ❜ ❛  you look so happy when i’m not with you.  ❜ ❛  i don’t know why i run away.  ❜ ❛  take me back, ’cause i wanna stay.  ❜ ❛  i kept my distance ’cause i know that you don’t like when i’m with somebody else.  ❜ ❛  i couldn’t help it; i put you through hell.  ❜ ❛  i realize that it’s much too late, & you deserve someone better.  ❜ ❛  i’m not the best at breaking up.  ❜ ❛  i like my alone time, but i want somebody to hold.  ❜ ❛  i get what i want. i keep it for a minute. then i let it go.  ❜ ❛  i hate it when you’re there for me, but i like it when you hit the spot.  ❜ ❛  i don’t do fake love, but i’ll take some from you tonight.  ❜ ❛  i don’t expect you to understand.  ❜ ❛  i’m ready to die holding your hand.  ❜ ❛  i can’t hide how i feel about you inside.  ❜ ❛  i’d give everything up tonight, if i could just have you be mine.  ❜ ❛  i’d give up everything for you.  ❜

#sentence starters #sentence meme #rp starters #rp meme #rp prompts #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay prompts #small text is no longer a thing on this blog bc tumblr makes it impossible to format long lists like this with the stupid #character limit rule so enjoy this normal sized text <3

[yourlovermumu]

imagine tying up your boyfriend while his sleeping and he wakes up to find himself literally at your mercy, saying its revenge for how he treats you in bed. and his like ''come on sweetie i am not mean to you in bed. what are you talking about?''

you tease him by kissing and licking his inner thighs. and his so frustrated. like why wont you just give him what he knows you know he wants. his telling you to just hurry up and touch him. and you tell him not until he does some begging. which he refuses to do at first. but after awhile manages to let out a little ''p...please touch me.''

you give in eventually but your just softly touching his cock while he goes, ''thats not nearly enough, baby. put it in your mouth.'' but you again, simply tell him to beg for it.

and he refuses this time again. saying no you wont get him to beg for you. and your all smug like okay then get comfy cause your gonna be tied up like this for a while.

and then your teasing him so damn much. giving his cock feather like kisses everywhere but you just wont put it in your mouth at all. nor would you stroke him properly.

and his just soooooo frustrated that he swears once he gets out these ropes, your really gonna get it. he says his going to absolutely show you no mercy at all. and your just giggling at his threats like ''as if, your the one tied up and helpless. not me.''

but luck really wasnt on your side this time. because turns out he was slowly loosening the knot while you were busy teasing the leaving day lights out of him.

''still want me to beg, baby?'' he laughed at the panic on your face as he yanked you by your arm. slamming you down on the bed. he pinned both of your hands above your head and tied you with the same rope you used on him. ''yeah? do i still need to beg, princess? beg for you to suck my cock? do i?'' he taunted. a smug grin plastered on his handsome face.

needless to say...he quite quickly had you regretting ever playing around with him in the first place.

you cried and squirmed. jerking your hips away from him only for him to pull you back by the hips. ''keep doing that and i might not let you cum at all tonight.'' he said sternly, slapping your thigh to somehow make you behave. all you could do was just sit still and take it. you had lose count of how many times you had been edged. your mind clouding with the need to get rid of the uncomfortable arche.

''p-please-! i- i am sorry!! i- a-ah...let me cummm...p-please i am s-so sorry...'' you sobbed. begging him pitifully.

''aw...my poor baby wants to cum so badly, doesnt she?'' he cooed. stroking your cheek tenderly while his thumb brushed away tears.

you nodded dumbly in respond.

''...'m sorry baby, your gonna have to prove to me you deserve to cum.''

you frowned, pouting sadly before a yelp left your lips when he pressed the vibrator to your clit again.

''its no use pouting, baby. dont try to use your cute little face to get your way.'' he chuckled. biting his lip when his eyes landed on your pussy again. so fucking drenched. soaking the sheets and yet you havent even came once yet. he cant help but let out a dreamy sigh at the sight. fingers prodding at your hole before slipping in with ease. they slip in so nicely. ''..god you take my fingers so well.'' he groaned.

and truthfully he is rock hard. has been since your little teasing session. it was only a matter of time before he gave in. the only reason he has been able to have some self control for this long without drilling you full of his cock was because he gets off on seeing you cry and beg. he loves it. the wracked state your in and the how vulnerable you look. the way your pussy is just begging to have his cock inside. and so is your mouth, letting out pleas after pleas to just let you cum. you even tried tempting him to fuck you full of his cock. sly little thing. it almost worked. almost. if he hadnt slapped your ass and threatened to not let you cum at all you probably would have been able to get him to fuck your tight little hole. but now....now he wasnt sure how much longer he can hold on and not just fuck you dumb.

''how about this, you gimme a kiss, and if your able to kiss me back properly while i stuff this pussy full of my fingers...then i'll let you cum. how's that sound? hell i would even give you cock. yeah? you want my cock, baby? mhm...sweet little thing..such a mess right right now..need to be full of my cock so badly, huh?''

he chuckled seeing you desperately reach to kiss him. your just soooooo adorable.

his lips were soon on yours and oh you were winning straight into his mouth. trying so desperately to keep kissing him without your mouth hanging open to moan loudly from how good his fingers were hitting your insides.

the kiss was messy. his tongue finding its way into your mouth and tangling with yours. small groans slipping from his lips as he kissed you like a starved man.

the kiss was messy with your mouth latching onto his yet you couldnt help how distracted you were by his fingers toying with your cunt. his thumb rubbed at your clit as two of his long, thick fingers drilled into.

and it turns out kissing was proving to be a little difficult with how good his fingers were making you feel.

but even if you werent able to kiss him back properly, he wouldnt hold it against you. he cant hold it against you. hell, he would be lucky if he could even think about anything other then the feel of your tight, warm walls squeezing his fingers and the twitch of his cock at the thought of replacing his fingers with his dick.

''h-hah...you wanna cum baby? you wanna cum, right?'' he spoke in between pants. breathing heavy as he held direct eye contact with you. his eyes heavy with desire.

he smirked smugly when you nodded your head over and over, mumbling out a breathy ''yes''.

''..yeah? of course you do.'' the words left his mouth as his palm came to lay flat against your cunt, slapping it. you yelped and he only snickered at your reaction. ''..dirty, dirty little girl...look how messy you're down here..its beautiful.''

his eyes were fixated on your wetness that made not only a mess on the sheets but also his hand.

without a word he brought his hand to your lips, poking at your bottom lip as he urged you to open your mouth.

''c'mon princess, you know what you have to do...open that pretty little mouth and suck.''

you didnt have to be told twice. already parting your lips open to take his pointer finger into your mouth. you took it in inch my inch, and he didnt rush you. just letting you take your time with it. but by the sight of something so erotic...his not sure how much longer he would last. his already at his limit. and you just had to look up at him like that while he had his fingers in your mouth, sucking them so, so gently as your tongue swirled around the digit. and he wasnt even thinking before shoving another into your mouth. and you welcomed it gladly.

''...d-addy..please f--uck me...'' your voice came out muffled by the fingers that stuffed your mouth. but he heard you nonetheless.

''...damnit.'' he mumbled under his breath, his jaw clenched as he finally deemed he really cant hold back anymore. he needs to fuck you. right. now.

he was quick to slip his fingers out of your mouth just as quick he was with shoving them in. both his hands now gripped your hip in a way that was sure to leave bruises.

his hand slipped down from your hips to your thighs, his strong arms pushing them back to your chest. he leaned over you, bring his mouth to your wrist and ripping of the thin silk ropes. he pulled the ropes off of your wrists with his teeth before spiting it out on the ground.

it wasnt necessary to have you tied. not anymore when his cock alone is going to leave you senseless. not to mention he loved it when you left your scratch marks on his back.

''gonna fuck you hard now baby, hold on tight, kay?''

GOJO SATORU, TOJI FUSHIGURO, GETO SUGURU, shoei barou, reo mikage, JINGO RAICHI, ryusei shido, OLIVER AIKU,MICHEAL KAISER, kei tsukishima, tobio kageyama, TETSURO KUROO, TURO OIKAWA, YUJI TERUSHIMA, ATSUMU MIYA

#jujutsu kaisen #nanami smut #gojo smut #geto smut #geto suguru #nanami kento #gojo saturo #toji smut #toji fushiguro #blue lock smut #reo smut #reo mikage smut #jingo raichi smut #jingo smut #ryusei shido smut #ryusei smut #oliver aiku smut #aiku smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu #kei tsukishima smut #tsukishima smut #tobio kageyama smut #kageyama smut #kageyama x y/n #tetsuru kuroo smut #kuroo smut #kuroo x reader #turo oikawa smut #oikawa smut