#i am feeling productive

[parachutingkitten]

Send me drabble requests. I need writing inspo.

#hopefully y'all know what will get me going #i am feeling productive #but not creative #very bad predicament to be in #ninjago

[tildexart]

The Magnus Archives (Season One) Production Design Project

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself- I'm Tilda (or Tilde), and I'm want to be a production designer.

Production designers create the overall look of a piece of media. From costumes, lighting, environments, props, etc., these designers make sure that everything looks cohesive and sets the mood.

So, I thought it would be fun to put my skills to the test by designing season one of The Magnus Archives. My winter break started as soon as I became interested in the show. Needless to say, a new obsession and an abundance of free time go well together.

You may have seen these illustrations posted separately, this is a master post of the whole project. My thoughts, processes, and critiques are all included under the cut. If you read them, I hope you enjoy! If, not, thank you for supporting my work regardless.

The Characters

When designing these characters, I tried to avoid being influenced by fan interpretations. Though, that was a challenge (especially with Jon and Sasha). I found that I looked to my friends for inspiration. Certain elements (Jon's glasses) were based off of what they wore.

Pinterest was also useful for finding clothing and pose references. Some looks were based off of different actors- in particular, Tim was inspired by Nicholas Galitzine and Elias inspired by Matthew Lillard.

Jane was the most fun to design! I believe in making terrifying characters actually terrifying.

Elias's design needs the most work. Having now finished the show, I see that it doesn't fit him. The purple is overly saturated, especially compared to the set. He looks out of place! I'd reverse the color palette to mostly green/yellow with purple accents instead. Although, I will forever defend the purple tint in his gray hair.

The Set

Jonathan's office was a treat to design! Balancing the color and clutter was especially important. This room is meant to be claustrophobic and uncomfortable, but not overbearingly so.

The wood looks to be full of splinters, but not so worn that it can be thrown out. The chairs offer no back support, and the shelves make the room smaller. The goal was to represented Jon's mind. Intricate, messy, and suffocating (Note: that is more of a season two description).

One goal was to capture the look of an actual archive. Valuable times was spent researching the different kinds of storage, files, paper, etc. The texture and color had to be accurate.

A split-complementary color palette of blue-green, yellow-green, and red was used. Of course, I had to get green in there, and the varying hues and desaturated reds worked well for the wood and filing supplies.

Jane's ashes and the Web lighter on the desk place this set at the end of season one. I find details like this to be important, it's one of my favorite parts of design. There is much needed abundance of eye imagery as well. Most obviously in the carpet, but eyes are carved into the table and watch from the shelves.

My main critique is the lighting- the filters used could be adjusted as to not distort the colors of the boxes. They look inconsistent. The Web lighter could also be more obvious, yet it is small and pixelated.

The Props

I designed these as I re-listened to season one, and it is the most recent piece I finished. Combining the details described in the show with what the objects would have realistically looked like was interesting. That was most useful for the clown, the Ming vase, and Ex Altiora.

Each of these objects came from a specific time with a specific look. Ex Altiora was bound in calf leather from the 1800s, so those books were referenced. Same with the frills on the clown's outfit.

The Ming vase was especially interesting, as it is from the Jiajing period. When looking at photographs of Jiajing vases, I found that many of them lacked handles and had an hourglass shape. That was fascinating to me, as many artists depict a standard oval-shaped vase. Also, the vase's design is described as straight lines that create distorted patterns when looking at it. That effect was achieved using chromatic aberration and the liquify tool (chromatic aberration was used to create a vertigo effect on Ex Altiora).

My critiques are... nitpicky. minimal. The shading on top of the garbage bag is unnatural. The thickness of the gold engraving on Ex Altiora is uneven. The "I" in "Immediate Consideration" is not capitalized. Other than that, I'm happy with how the props look.

Conclusion

First off, if you read everything, thank you!! It is a lot, I know.

My greatest takeaways are that 1) ask for critique, always 2) research skills are necessary for design 3) references are your friend! Seriously guys, use your references.

I hope you enjoyed this project and I'm excited to share more of my work in the future!

#and before anyone asks #i am not doing this for any other season #feel free to ask any questions about this project! #tma #the magnus archives #tma season one #production design #tildexart #tilda rambles

[applebutterfemme]

my therapist told me he was proud of me today and then i treated myself to a pumpkin cold brew, so my day is already made.

#text post #journal #entry #i am feeling productive #i am feeling energized #*knock on wood* #i am kicking chronic fatigue's butt today

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[kyannnite]

only part of a wip but. despite the fact that i CANNOT draw a violin this is going very well

#had a very productive day of chores leaving me incredibly primed and ready to sit down and draw and i am feeling very happy with the results #i’m fine tuning my erik every time i draw him… someday i will draw the Perfect One #wip #my art tag #phantom of the opera #poto #erik phantom of the opera #erik poto #phantom of the opera art

[decisions-at-3am]

How cruel it is, To have so much love. And no one To give it to.

#writerscreed #original poem #poem #spilled ink #dark academia #poetry #my poetry #original poetry #poets on tumblr #writers and poets #my poem #writerscommunity #love poem #love notes to no one #love #just a silly little scribble #because i am feeling the big sad rn #and i would like to be productive and write instead of wallowing in sadness + insomnia in bed #also hilarious evolution here #my gp called me to tell me i'm showing signs of anxiety + depression #so i have to go in for a chat with the mental health specialist #my mum is acting very concerned lol - and whilst ik it's coming from a good place #i wish she'd stop #there's too much that i've hidden from her for various reasons #and i will not be getting into it ever - i have no resentment #if i could go back i would do it all the same #however i am considering being completely honest with the mental health person #i've never told anyone the full extent of everything and i'd like to...

[foldingfittedsheets]

I used to worry people wouldn’t like my silly nsfw stories if they followed me for cute long gay comics and now that two of my sex shop stories are blowing up I’m fretting all the new followers will get annoyed about the long gay comics.

Repeating my mantra: this is my blog and I post what I want to.

#ramblies #had a friend tell me I’m trying to be famous and I was like ??? I don’t think wanting people to see my art or read my writing is the same #I’m happy I’m getting more followers because it means more people interact with my creative works #which feels objectively different to how I think of Fame #I want people to like the final product: the art or story. I’m not necessarily building a brand around who I am as a person #I did originally make this tumblr to post my funny sex shop stories then moved on when I switched jobs and didn’t have an audience #and now that I do I have such a better writing voice to share them with so I’m happy people are enjoying them finally

[erabu-san]

Hi ! Long time no see ! I was pretty unactive because such a weird adblock strike me, and IRL was a bit overwhelmed SDKFDSFs SORRY And about daily tighnari, I won't do much as before. I kind of start to lost interest on genshin ): Still into it tho because I can't get rid off easily ! I also forgot to answer ask ! On my way !! And also some doodles I post on twitter and insta but not here

#talk #I won't promise anything lol but now I feel productive #I post on tumblr again !!! #Thank you for sending me ask ! I am so happy to interact with you all

[witchspeka]

It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!

But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh

I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes

#im hungry i should do homework i should also finish all of my other drafted posts BUT I AM LAZY #ive been starting to write fic tho at least thats productive. fic thats kind of relevant to this actually hm #listen i just want more Mob content where he does smth reckless or stupid with his powers he deserves it #or just in general tbh i need more content of mob being kinda mean or having arguments with ppl like to a healthy degree ok #but i still want him to. yanno. lash out and stuff. experience emotion. have him get angry over petty stuff #the first mp100 fic ive ever started writing/drafting had mob and ritsu having a proper fight post canon #i just need it for my OWN mental health. let them have dumb sibling fights and have mob express his annoyances #itd be funny and cathartic. for me at least. ill finish that shit one day its been assembled and disassembled but ill figure it out #eventually #let mob feel and express all of the ugly emotions he didnt allow himself to acknowledge for years pls #its my favourite thing #anyway. #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #cine te a intrebat

[lesbaurinkos]

do u guys wanna unionize and put on an unauthorized riverdale play wherein we make our jarchie visions realized and then get cease-and-desisted until one of us manages to work our way up to chief creative officer of archie comics and we can set the wheels into motion and the cycle continues and

#AND IF WE ALL GOT TOGETHER TO PUT ON A FULL PRODUCTION OF JUGHEAD'S WEIRD FANTASY...? #it would be beautiful and it would be deserved. is what it would be #WE will be the ones in the cycle this time... WE will play this damn story out until we get the ending we wish...... #and then you'll allllllll see. you'll all see #sorry this is my joker moment i am feeling quite joker-esque. hearts #truly. truly i do wanna like. go into comics. is the thing. i could be our sleeper agent. just u all wait #riverdale #jarchie

[trans-cuchulainn]

two questions to ask yourself when you start looking for pre-christian material in medieval literature:

1. when are these texts from

2. when did christianity come to this area

i can guarantee you in the vast majority of celtic-language sources (and others) the answer to 2. is several centuries before 1. and at that point you gotta ask yourself... how likely is it that these people would be writing about something that has not been a thing for them or anyone they know for, like, four hundred years (or, in many cases, eight or nine hundred years), especially given that most of the people doing that writing are not merely passively existing in a christian society but are, yunno, monks

there are exceptions! but there are way fewer exceptions than you think there are gonna be! and the exceptions are almost always extremely nebulous sub layers that can't be disentangled from the other layers (which are christian) with any certainty so are always somewhat speculative!

and most importantly those other layers are interesting too, but if you only ever treat them like dirt to dig through to get to something "real" underneath you're sure gonna be disappointed a lot of the time (and you're gonna miss a lot of cool shit that would be really exciting if this was an actual archaeological dig and not a metaphor)!!

#this feels a bit like lobbing a grenade into a crowded theatre #but tbh everyone who is mad at me for saying this has probably already blocked me #given that I've been saying it for several years at this point #i think these days people are so used to religion being a personal thing #they don't really comprehend what it meant to Live In A Christian Society As A Medieval Person #like. we're not talking primarily about faith or what someone personally believed #but how society is structured and ordered and the paradigms its literature lives within #AND WHO PRODUCES THE LITERATURE #education is ecclesiastical. book production is ecclesiastical. literacy itself is in many cases ecclesiastical #the christianity is coming from inside the house #anyway whatever why am i trying #i had two (2) entire sips of wine this evening (i don't drink and don't like wine) #so maybe that's why i'm posting this lol

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

#bungou stray dogs #seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want #but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this #either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it #if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol #maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk #also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing #like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost #not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it- #-would have been extremely different otherwise #i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with #and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story #I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen #BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga #like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible #so I at least am still perfectly happy lol #(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao) #anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already #please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-) #it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda #Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please- #Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 #MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

[the---hermit]

17|02|2024

I decided to finally get the armchair of my dreams as a gift to myself after the exhausting exam season, amd I am so unbelievable happy. I do not feel guilty about spending money on myself, it was something I have wanted for a long time and it's definitely going to be good for my back since now I won't have to read on my bed all day to stay quiet. And honestly my exam season was destructive but very successful so you know what? I deserve this. I have also finally started to read Babel by R.F. Kuang and I am loving it so far! I am trying to enjoy the last few days of no studying at all, and I do plan on slowly getting into studying again next week. The guilt of not working is trying ro haunt me but I am fighting it with all my strenght. My main goal for the upcoming weeks is going to be to get back into my studying routine slowly and by small steps. I am still recovering from burn out and I do not want to make it worse. The first step is going to be to create a plan of everything I need to do academically in the next while, and to schedule as much time for myself and for resting as I need during the week. I don't care if I end up taking only one and not two exams in April, I need to get back on my feet and I need to prioritize my mentsl and physical health.

📖: Babel by R.F. Kuang

#no productivity list for today because i don't feel like it ajfbeidkdh #look at my chair !!!! i love it so so much #i am now planning to cozy-fiying that corner of my room bc the chaif faces the side of a wardrobe #and i would like to get a nice poster or smt to hang on there #studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #journal #journaling #studying #productivity #bookblr #knife gang #calm hobbit winter #mine #the---hermit

[jakeperalta]

I know after every rerecording I go "wow this is so good! definitely no cause for complaints!" but like for real this time if I see anyone complaining I will be baffled because these songs sound SO similar

#i'd imagined that this would be easier to recreate #since her voice sounds pretty much the same between now and then #and it feels like this style of production would be easier to replicate since it's more digitised #compared to like trying to recreate an exact guitar twang (not that i have any music knowledge about what's actually easy) #but still i am so impressed #also props to christopher rowe whoever he is! #I'd expected him to solely fill in for the nathan chapman produced songs but to be also doing so much of 1989 #is impressive given how different it is to fearless or whatever #talking #taylor swift

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks