#i am desperate to show i love you and i’ll do it any way possible. and if you accept that and love me in return then isn’t that something.

[parkerslatte]

Fighter

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: blood. injury. near death experience.

Summary: Azriel was severely injured on a mission and his chance of survival is low and his mate and wife refuses to leave his bedside.

A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist

•••

Azriel was laid motionless in his bed. The only indication of life was the shallow rise and fall of his chest that seemed to get slower and slower day by day. On the left side of his bed, Rhys and Cassian sat looking helplessly at their brother before them. There wasn’t anything they could do for him no matter how much they wanted to. 

Sitting on the right side of Azriel’s bed was Y/N. Her hand clutched his still and cold one between hers tightly. There were dried tears under her eyes as she looked at her mate and husband before her. The blanket covering his body did little to show the large scar staring from his hip and ending at his shoulder. It was an angry red but Madja had calmed everyone that the redness would go down with time. 

“If only I didn’t send him on that stupid mission,” Rhys mumbled. “Then he wouldn’t be here.”

No one responded. The only sound heard was the rain hitting the window outside. 

Y/N brushed Azriel’s hair away from his forehead. After the mission it had been caked with blood and grime and now after many washes it was soft to the touch. She only wished she could listen to his small content sighs as her fingernails scratched his scalp. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Rhys,” Y/N replied after a while of silence. “He would have gone on that mission regardless.”

“But I could have gone with him,” Cassian said. “I could have protected him.”

“And possibly gotten yourself hurt as well,” Y/N responded, finally lifting her gaze to meet Cassian and Rhys. “Then we would be in a position where both of you could have been severely wounded.” Y/N’s gaze returned to Azriel. “I don’t wish for Nesta to feel the way I am right now.”

“You shouldn’t be feeling like this at all, Y/N,” Rhys said. “You two should be in your own house safe and sound.”

“Well that is an impossibility right now, Rhys.” Y/N’s tone was clipped and short. “I’m sorry to ask you this but could I be alone with him?”

Rhys and Cassian immediately got to their feet. “Of course,” Cassian responded. 

“If you want or need anything Y/N, make sure to ask,” Rhys said as he placed his hand upon Y/N’s shoulder. 

“I’ll be okay.” It was all Y/N said. It was all she could say. 

When Rhys and Cassian left she barely heard them as she let fresh tears fall. “Az, you need to come back to me, baby.” Y/N shuffled her chair closer to the bed, her knees knocking painfully against it but she didn’t care. “I need you to wake up. I need you to open your eyes.”

There was no movement from Azriel and it only made Y/N’s tears fall in a more rapid succession. 

“Madja healed you the best she could but she made no promises that you would wake up. But I need you to, my love. Please, just give me a sign that you are in there, please, just anything,” Y/N’s voice was full of desperation and she spoke to her husband. Y/N didn’t even know that something could be as painful as this.

Y/N watched Azriel for any sign of him listening to her. But there was nothing. No flicker of his eye under his eyelids. No stutter in his breathing. No twitch of his finger. There was absolutely nothing. 

Y/N screamed. 

***

The sun was high in the sky and Y/N stepped through the gate to her and Azriel’s cottage. It was on the edge of Velaris, far from the centre of the city. In her small wicker basket, Y/N had two fresh bouquets of flowers, courtesy of Elain. The blistering heat made Y/N wipe the sweat from her brow as she approached her front door, fishing the keys out of the basket. 

As she went to place the key in the hole, she found that the door was open the smallest amount and Y/N’s guard immediately went up. As her grip tightened on the basket, she pushed the front door open. Their living room was large but cosy, filled with many blankets and pillows of all different textures. The windchimes hanging just beside the front door sounded out as a small breeze blew bast. 

“Hello?” Y/N called out, reaching for the dagger concealed behind a painting Feyre gifted her. 

However, Y/N immediately dropped the dagger and basket as her mate walked around the corner. A smile immediately spread across Y/N’s face as she launched herself at him. 

“Hi, baby,” Azriel’s low voice whispered in her ear as she wrapped her arms around him. His arms making their way around her, his hand cradling her head. 

“You weren’t meant to be back yet,” Y/N said. 

“I finished what I needed to do early,” Azriel mumbled into her shoulder. “The first thing I did was come here, even Rhys doesn’t know I’m back.”

Y/N gripped onto him tighter, afraid that if she let him go, he would disappear. It had been two months since Rhys sent Azriel on a mission and it had been two months since Y/N had spoken to Azriel. The only contact she had with him was the wave of love he sent through the bond each night, but that was never enough. Y/N craved to hold him within her arms. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Y/N replied. “I would have stayed here to wait for you.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Azriel said.

“Well it has been the best surprise ever,” Y/N said, pulling away from the hug to capture Azriel’s lips with her own. 

Azriel dropped his arms to her waist, wrapping them around her tightly. Y/N pulled away and rested her forehead on his. “I missed you so much,” she said looking into his eyes. The colour ingrained into her brain.

“Well you’ll be happy to know that I won’t be going on any missions for a while,” Azriel said. 

“Why? Are you okay? Did Rhys tell you to take some time off?” Y/N asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought of the worst possible reasons. 

Azriel smiled brightly. The smile only Y/N got to see. “I’m fine, Rhys doesn’t know that I am taking time off yet.”

“Then why are you? Not that I’m complaining or anything,” Y/N said, pecking his lips. 

The smile on Azriel’s face only seemed to light up his face further. “Well since you and I are going to be planning a wedding, I will have no time for my duties.”

“Wedding?” Y/N asked. “What wedding?”

Azriel reached behind him. “Ours.” He revealed the most beautiful ring Y/N had ever seen. It was simple but it was perfect. 

Y/N stumbled back. “Az, you can’t be serious?”

“I’m completely serious,” Azriel said. “Will you marry me, Y/N?”

“But we have already been mated for years and you have never mentioned anything about getting married,” Y/N said.

“I saw how you looked when Elain and Lucien got married,” Azriel said. “And I’ll be honest that I bought this ring nearly a year ago, long before the wedding.”

“You want to marry me?” Y/N said, tears springing to her eyes. 

“I want nothing more in my life,” Azriel replied, taking her hand in his. “It would be an honour to call you my wife.”

A single tear fell down Y/N’s cheek but she smiled wide. “It would be an honour to call you my husband.”

“So is that a yes?” 

Y/N nodded. “Yes, Azriel. I will marry you.”

***

Y/N awoke with a smile on her face as she reached to the other side of the bed, searching for her husband’s warmth. Only when she opened her eyes did she realise what her reality was. Azriel was still laying in the bed and his breathing seemed even shallower than it had been before she fell asleep. 

Her chair scraped the floor as she leaned closer to caress his face. His dark eyelashes rested delicately on his cheeks, Y/N had always been jealous of them. There was no small flutter of them at all. All Y/N wanted him to do was open his eyes. His beautiful eyes. 

“Please,” Y/N whispered, her lips brushing his cheek. “Please wake up.”

“Y/N?” Feyre’s voice came from the doorway. Y/N hadn’t heard her open it. “I brought you some food.”

“I’m not hungry,” Y/N said, her voice void of emotion.

Feyre sighed and made her way further into the room. “You need to eat something, it’s been days.”

“I’m not hungry,” Y/N said, settling back in her seat but kept Azriel’s hand firmly clasped between hers. 

“At least have a drink of water,” Feyre said, offering a glass to Y/N. 

Y/N tore her gaze away from Azriel and looked at the glass Feyre was offering. She didn’t want to take it but her mouth was dry. With great reluctance, Y/N released one of her hands from Azriel’s and took the class of cool water. 

“Have you been here all night?” Feyre asked. 

“I haven’t left since he was brought in here,” Y/N answered. “I can’t leave.”

“I know that you don’t want to leave him, Y/N, but you need to take care of yourself too,” Feyre said gently. “Why don’t you get dressed in some clean clothes? I will stay here with Azriel and if he moves, I will immediately come and alert you.”

Y/N looked at her mate and husband laying on the bed. “I can’t leave because I know that if I do, there is the possibility that he stops breathing.” Tears glistened in Y/N’s eyes as she looked up at Feyre. “And I will regret for the rest of my life that I was not there with him while he passed.” 

Feyre placed her hand on top of Y/N’s and gave it a small reassuring squeeze. “I have not known Azriel as long as you, Y/N. But what I do know about him is that he is a fighter. And above all, he will always fight for you, he will always fight to come back to you.”

Y/N sighed. “I know. And I will always fight for him. But this time it is different, Feyre. I have seen Az injured beyond what I thought could be possible. I have seen wounds like you would ever believe, but he powered through it. You never saw the look on his face when he appeared on the doorstep. He was scared, Feyre. I had never seen that look on his face before.”

Y/N took a shaky breath and stood from her chair and perched on the edge of Azriel’s bed. Her hand gently cupped his cheek. 

“I had never seen such fear in his eyes. When he collapsed in my arms he whispered one thing in my ear, ‘I will always love you both’. He did not believe that he would survive. He risked everything so he could see me one last time.” Y/N said. 

“‘I will always love you both’? What did he mean by that?” Feyre asked. 

“I’m pregnant, Feyre,” Y/N said and allowed the enchantment that concealed her scent to fall. “We were going to tell everyone after he was home and we had a few days just to ourselves. But it seems like we will never get the chance. I can feel the bond fading every single minute. It feels like I am clutching at air trying to hold onto it.”

“He will wake up, Y/N,” Feyre said, determination lacing her tone. “Even if I have to wake him up myself, I will make sure he comes back to you. I will make sure he will meet his child.”

Tears fell freely down Y/N’s cheeks. “I really need him to come back, Feyre. I can’t do any of this without him.”

“He will wake up, Y/N. Az would never leave you alone. In the years I have known you both, I have never seen two people so in love with one another. Whenever you walk into the room, he lights up. Whenever your name is mentioned he listens in. Whenever you smile at him, his shadows always seem happier. He thinks no one notices but we all do.”

“I love him so much, Feyre,” Y/N sobbed. “I need him so badly.”

Feyre shuffled closer and hugged Y/N. “He will come back. You will get to hold him in your arms again. He will meet his child and the two of you will live happily. There is no possible way on this planet where Azriel would let you live in a world where he isn’t in it.”

Y/N nodded into Feyre’s shoulder. “You make him sound like a stalker.”

Feyre let out a quiet laugh as she pulled away and wiped the tears from Y/N’s face. “Now let’s get you some proper food. Because you know that Azriel will kill you if he finds out that you are not taking care of yourself.”

Y/N smiled. It is small and barely there but it was a smile. “Yeah, he would.”

“I need to make Nyx his lunch so what do you say about sandwiches?” feyre asked. 

“Sandwiches are fine with me,” Y/N answered. 

As Y/N began to pull her hand away from Azriel’s, she felt his fingertips curl around hers. He head snapped to where they were connected. A small gasp left Y/N’s lips as she clutched his hand a little tighter. In return she was greeted by his grip twitching within hers. 

“He moved,” Y/N said. “He moved Feyre.”

A soft smile appeared on Feyre’s face. “He knows you’re here,” Feyre said. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

As soon as Feyre was out of the room, Y/N sat back down by Azriel’s side. “Hey, baby. I miss you and love you.” Another gentle squeeze of Y/N’s hand. She smiled, tears in her eyes. “I can’t wait until you wake up. It may be many months away, but our child is desperate to meet you. They’re desperate to hear your voice again. And so am I. I can’t wait to listen to you tell me about your day, about how much you love our small family. I can wait to hear a stupid joke you heard that you will only ever tell me. I just can’t wait until you wake up.”

Azriel didn’t squeeze Y/N’s hand again but deep down Y/N knew that he heard it and knew that she was there. She brought his hand to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss against his knuckles before placing it down by his side once again. “I love you and I will see you later.”

***

It had been three days since Azriel had first squeezed Y/N’s hand and he had been making more movement since. His chest rose and fell in a healthier succession and there was the occasional twitch of his fingers, always in the direction of Y/N. Azriel was always reaching out in the direction of his mate and wife. 

Y/N still constantly remained by Azriel’s side, but occasionally took breaks to look after herself and the baby growing within her. Y/N had taken the time to inform the rest of the Inner Circle about her pregnancy and the news was greeted with congratulations but Y/N could tell they were holding back. The one other person who should have been celebrating with them could not be there. 

“I’m just saying that if it's a boy, you should name him after me,” Cassian said. 

Y/N had found herself once again in the company of Rhys and Cassian. Both of the males wanted to sit beside their brother in hopes he would wake up. Unlike the first time the three had sat together, the atmosphere seemed to be a little lighter. 

“Az is certain that it's a girl,” Y/N responded. “He wants to name them after his mother.”

Y/N looked down at Azriel with a small smile on her face. She could still picture his excitement when she told him that she was pregnant. Almost immediately he wanted to go out and start buying things for their child. 

“That’s sweet, but Cass can still be a girl’s name,” Cassian remarked, a teasing grin on his face. 

Y/N shook her head, a small amused smile creeping onto her face. 

Cassian groaned. “Rhys, when you and Feyre have another kid, what about the name–”

“I’m not naming our second child after you either,” Rhys replied. “Maybe go and pester Elain and Lucien next.”

Cassian laughed. “I still think it's a great name. You are missing out.”

“I’m not naming my child after you, Cassian,” A new voice entered the room. It was quiet and groggy.

Y/N’s gaze immediately shot down to the bed and noticed that Azriel’s eyes were opening and the grip he had on her hand tightened. 

Tears sprung to Y/N’s eyes. “Az…”

Azriel groaned as he shifted his head to look at Y/N. As soon as his eyes met hers, Y/N felt the bond come to life and that was when she broke down. So many emotions filled Y/N within seconds and she threw herself down on the bed, her head resting on Azriel’s chest. 

“My love, I thought you were gone,” Y/N wailed. 

Azriel slowly moved one of his hands to caress the back of her head. “I would never leave you. Either of you.” His voice was quiet and hoarse, yet Y/N could hear the love within it. 

Y/N lifted her head to look at Azriel and noticed both Rhys and Cassian slowly making their way out of the room. She noticed the tears shining in their eyes. 

“I never thought I would see you again,” Y/N said.

Azriel slowly pushed himself up on the bed, wincing in pain as he did so. 

“No, no,” Y/N said, placing her hands gently on his shoulders. “You need to rest.”

“I’ve done enough resting,” Azriel said, settling back against the headboard. “All I want to do is look at my wife and hold her in my arms.”

Azriel gently tugged Y/N forward until her forehead rested on his. “I heard everything you said to me.” He revealed. “I tried to move, I tried everything but I couldn’t. I had no way to reach you. I never thought I’d ever see you again. I never thought I would meet our child.”

A single tear fell down Azriel’s face and Y/N hastily wiped it away.

“It’s okay,” Y/N said, gently cupping his cheeks. “All that matters is that you are here and you are okay. We don’t need to think about that anymore because you are awake and here.”

“I love you,” Azriel whispered. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too,” Y/N replied. “Just promise me that you are not going on any missions for a while.”

“I won’t be,” Azriel said. “I will not be leaving this court at all until our child is born and probably long after. I don’t want to be put in this position again. I don’t want you to ever nearly lose me again. I want to see our child grow up. I want to be by your side for eternity. No mission or job could ever come before my family.”

Y/N gently pecked his lips. “I am so glad you are here, my love.”

“I will always fight to get back to you, Y/N,” Azriel said, nothing but love in his tone. “I love you too much to ever let you go.”

Y/N didn’t respond verbally, instead she gently shuffled forward and wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head into his shoulder. Azriel’s arms immediately latched around her, keeping her pressed against his body. Even when Y/N tried to pull away slightly to not hurt him, Azriel refused to let her. Y/N just relaxed into him. 

“Madja will need to come and check on you at some point,” Y/N mumbled. 

“Not right now,” Azriel said. “I just want to hold you right now.”

“Rhys and Cass will want to see you too,” Y/N said. 

“They can wait,” Azriel said. “And all the others can wait. Just for tonight I want to spend my time with my family. Just you and our child.”

Y/N pressed a soft kiss to the side of his neck. “Then let’s just lay here all day then. I can’t think of anywhere else I would rather be.”

“I cannot believe how lucky I am that I have you in my life, Y/N,” Azriel said, the stubble on his face scratching her bare shoulder from where her robe had fallen. 

“I am the lucky one, Az,” Y/N said. “I am lucky enough to have someone who would fight so hard to come back to me.” Y/N leaned back from the hug and placed his hand on her stomach. “To us.”

“I love you,” Azriel said, wrapping his arms back around Y/N’s body. “I love you both.”

Y/N only hugged him tighter and that was the way the small family remained, completely wrapped up in their own little world.

#azriel angst #acotar x reader #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel fluff

[luffyvace]

dunno if you do shalnark x reader fics but i can barely find any of my silly goober so here i am asking 😭🙏

its chill if you don’t, dw about it, but i was wondering if you could do one of shalnark and like a closed off reader that he tries so desperately to open up to him. make it as fluffy or angsty as you want 🙏🙏🧎 WWW

UM YES I DO?! I LOVE OUR SILLY LITTLE NOT SO RUSSIAN HACKER⁉️💗💗

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA?! Why has no one thought of this?? Hcs are popping into my head as I TYPE THIS. I’m going to make it fluffy bc I’m a sucker for it 😊 thank you for requesting anon!! :)

(btw I don’t really do fics, just hcs, but I’ll write it in a sort of fic way as possible <3)

For these I’ll do reader who’s in phantom troupe or at least knows he’s in it

the reason for you being closed of may vary, you could naturally be like that or you could be scarred with trauma

who knows?

You.

in which I let you decide why you are the way you are :)

besides the point

shalnark really does do everything to get you to open up to him

every love language, every bribery possible, even light empty threats!

nothing.

You don’t crack a bit.

first is love languages:

“N/nnn why don’t you talk to me today??”

he came over to you and snuggled up close to you

you either turn away or completely ignore him

”come on now, I’m your boyfriend! Don’t you wanna talk to me??”

you attention doesn’t move at all from what you were doing

“Your so coldhearted towards me, don’t you care about me at all? Don’t you love me?” He pouts. He knows the answer. He just wants you to show it

”I’m in a dangerous criminal organization you know? I could die any second! Won’t you care??”

you don’t bat an eye

he chooses not to sigh and give up today

he playfully starts kissing you all over your face

hugging you tighter, caressing your hair

still nothing

i feel this is another reason he likes you

your a enigma to him

he doesn’t view you as a toy though—of course not! He loves you, but your so fascinating to him, you really know how to keep a man on his toes

he can’t figure out why you are the way you are and you won’t tell him

you accept his proposal to be his s/o but won’t say you love him? Won’t cuddle or kiss? His gifts collect dust?

this man hardly knew love in his childhood and now your still deriving him of it 😗

you may or may not know that and you may or may not feel guilty about it

but as for words of affs

”_____ I love you”

”…”

”I love you, _____”

”okay?..”

”your supposed to say it back!”

”I said okay”

”say you love me too!!”

”so what’s the troupes plans?”

”stop changing the subject!”

bro is never getting that I love you 🤦‍♀️

gifts??

”_____ I got you a gift!” *insert him handing you something you really love that he found out through hacking not from you*

“I don’t want it”

”liar! This is your favorite!! Just accept it ___”

“Put it on the table..”

*que shalnark dropping his shoulders with a dull look while tossing it on the table

he knows your never gonna touch it

or at least never let him see

as far as quality time that’s the one he gets away with the most

LOL

he could spend all day with you and you really wouldn’t say anything

following you around and such

the fact that you never do lets him know you do love him

eventually he figures it might be your love language

If someone in your past did this to you?

you can bet he tracked them down and gave them to feitan >:)

he didn’t tell him what they did tho he just said ‘hey here’s another victim’

now he’s not really a torture guy but we know he is somewhat apathetic himself

maybe even sadistic

either way he definitely watched this torture session

he wouldn’t want to miss out on the pain of the one(s) who hurt you

:)

he likely tells you afterwards to see your reaction

he could tell if it still traumatizes you based on that and if it is he tries extra hard to get you to open back up

if not he’s kinda back to square one..

About the light threats

he’d threaten to reveal embarrassing moments and secrets of yours if you don’t give him a kiss in the next 24 hours

the first time he did this you glared thinking he would

but after you found out it was empty you ignored all other threats

the reason you ignored the first one was you didn’t really like people anyway so you were kinda just like forget it, whatever

If you did give him the kiss- PROGRESSSSSSSSS

finally⁉️

you don’t fall for it twice after you realize it was empty though

but this means your not against it! You just prefer not to!

and now it’s confirmed you love him!!

YIPPIE

I hope you enjoyed your hcs anon! they were a bit short but i like the ending :)

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE SHALNARK HCS RN!! (I love the gif i put of him)

#anime #anime and manga #luffyvace #anime headcanons #fluff headcanons #fluff #fluffy #fluffy headcanons #shalnark #shalnark ryusei #shalnark hxh #shalnark x reader #hxh #hxh shalnark #phantom troupe #phantom troupe x reader #phantom troupe shalnark #Shalnark phantom troupe #hxh 2011 #hxh x reader #hunterxhunter headcanons #hunter x hunter headcanons #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter #hunter hunter hcs #enjoy <3 #anon ask #answered #thanks anon! #torture tw

[captain-mj]

WEREBEAR KÖNIG ANON HERE, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE PART 2. Thank you so much for writing it! Of course I am here to request a part 3 too, maybe even for horror night (no pressure to get it in in for that tho, I am already excited for any of the monster/horror stuff coming out that night) I need them to go running in the woods together, fuck, them intuitively helping each other out in their own way can be so soft and so personal. KÖNIG GIVING HIM HIS FUCKING HOOD. I love the dynamic you started building here, Ghost needs and deserves a pack and people he can trust and rely outside of himself. Seriously, man, thank you for this.

Yes Yes Yes!! Part 1 and Part 2

Also I told myself I should post more and then I checked and although I post a little less, everything is like twice as long as it usually is and I feel less bad

König had gotten his hood back the next day, washed and dried. At first, he had worried that Ghost had put it through a machine and it had been shrunk but upon further inspection, he could see it had been hand washed and air dried. He brought it to his face and breathed in the smell of the soap. It wasn't his. It smelled like the one Ghost used on his clothes. Something about the thought made König's thoughts spiral. 

It was close to winter, meaning König was getting tired. Part of his body wanted to eat more and get stocked up for the winter, but he doubted Ghost would let him just take up real estate in the bedroom like that. He'd also need to ask for the time off and extra rations and dozens of other little things. It was hard to explain this to his instincts, but he was a human at the end of the day and he could just ignore them. Well, most of them. 

As much as he appreciated the gesture, Ghost had made the hood almost unbearable to wear. Everytime he breathed, it smelled like Ghost. He’d need to rewash it because this was hell. People kept trying to talk to him and all he could think about was his Lieutenant and what he was doing and how he was feeling. 

Then, the question reappeared. How long had it been since Ghost had shifted? It had been vaguely explained to him that Ghost was rather wild while shifted. Dangerous and lethal. It’s why he was usually put on missions where it wasn’t needed to shift at all or where his nature could be used. Seeing how he went for the killing bite with no hesitation, even with the small rapport they had between them, König had no doubt it was true. The soft look in Ghost’s eyes when he shifted back showed he desperately needed to shift more. It wasn’t particularly healthy to stay locked in as a human all the time. 

This led to a rabbit hole of thoughts though. If Ghost shifted, he’d need someone nearby to help him. It would have to be König of course. And that meant König would be near him. Both undressed. 

His face turned so red he was worried people would see through the mask somehow. Ghost had been so pretty when he had seen him. He wanted to see more. So much more. 

König made the decision without really thinking about it. He knew if he kept thinking about it, he wouldn’t do it so he had to ask as soon as possible. 

“Ghost.”

“Yes, König?” Ghost looked up from where he was practicing his sniping. He had such light eyelashes. 

“Do you want to go out tonight?”

Ghost paused his movements on the gun and moved so he was laying on his back and looking directly up at König. “What?”

“Tonight. Do you want to go to the woods?”

“Why?”

König shrugged, anxiety creeping in. “To shift. Blow off steam, ja?”

Ghost continued to stare at him for a few minutes before nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Seriously?”

“Ask me again and I’ll change my mind.”

König quickly just nodded before grabbing a gun and sitting next to him. They were both excellent at hitting the targets, but König twitched occasionally. He’d bounce his leg or shake his arm like he had something on it. Ghost watched him do these things, thinking of how it was clear why they wouldn’t let him be a sniper, but also finding the need to move rather amusing. 

“Sorry…” König sounded sheepish. 

“It’s fine.” Ghost blew the head off of one of the dummies. “Ah. They really need to improve the quality of these. They’re rather bad.” He got up and stretched, joints popping as he did. He offered König his hand and he gladly accepted, letting him pull him up. They went their separate ways and it wasn’t until after dinner they met up again. 

“So how do you usually leave base?” Ghost appeared next to König who luckily did not jump. 

König hummed. “Usually just walk out the back door.” 

Ghost nodded. “Fair. Doubt anyone would try to stop a big guy like you.” He meant it as a compliment. König didn’t know how to feel about it but he nodded. 

Ghost followed König, looking around nervously. It was odd, being switched like this. König walked around confidently. Ghost blamed everything he was feeling on the fact that he’d be shifted. 

God. 

He’d be shifted. 

Ghost hadn’t thought this through. 

König led him to his favorite spot, a thickly wooded area that had a few paths that made it easier walk around when he was a bear. He, again refusing to think, started to undress. 

Ghost stared and he let his eyes roam over König’s back. Thick scars from claws wrapped around his sides, most likely from grappling with other animals. A few bites here and there. And then once the hood and mask was removed, he saw the thick scars again. Now that he could take a good look, even with the moonlight making it hard, it was clear that it was from a collar. Ghost slowly took off his gloves and then his jacket. His hands shook when he went to remove more clothing. 

“Stay turned around. I’m not out here to let you ogle me.” Ghost grumbled at him. 

König put his hands behind his back and stayed at attention. 

Ghost pulled off his shirt and then his boots. He kicked off his pants and shifted. 

König heard the thump of paws and subsequent growling and took that as a cue to shift as soon as possible. They looked at each other and König tensed, just in case the wolf decided to brawl. He was a bear so it wouldn’t be the most intelligent thing to do, but cornered dogs and all.

Ghost jumped at him, slamming their heads together before jumping back again and barking. He slammed his paws down and König was bewildered. Maybe he should’ve read up on wolf mannerisms before doing this. 

Ghost barked loudly to get his attention before trotting around dramatically. His tail wagged and König realized he was trying to play. There were so many thoughts in his brain but he ignored them all to lumber after Ghost. He had to be careful. Ghost was big, but he was still bigger and he really didn’t want to accidentally hurt him and ruin the first time he had shifted for fun in a while. 

Ghost ran off and König chased after him. He couldn’t do sharp turns too well but when Ghost noticed, he did them less, trying to keep them in pace with each other instead of running off. König eventually managed to trick him and pin him down. 

Ghost’s tail wagged harder but he bit König’s limb to make it clear he did not want to be pinned. He rolled in the grass and looked… happy. 

König rolled next to him and wiggled so the grass would scratch his back a little. The stars were pretty. 

Pretty soon, Ghost was up and at ‘em again, trying to tussle with him.

Their playfighting was a little awkward but they were having fun. König noticed Ghost letting him win rather easily and wondered why. He stretched and yawned. Ghost jumped back and his ears went down, staring at König. He calmed down as soon as König closed his mouth again. Something about his teeth… Too big. 

Despite how much fun they were having, they couldn’t stay out there all night. They still had things to do in the morning, so regretfully, they had to shift back. 

Ghost’s body popped as he shifted back. He groaned and twisted to make the rest of his back pop, still lying on the ground. 

König felt awful. Horrible. Ghost was vulnerable. The soft look on his face. 

But they were shifted and they were right next to each other and then König’s lips were on Ghost’s. It was soft. Sweet. Ghost’s eyes fluttered closed and he didn’t move just yet. 

König pulled away, already ready to apologize when he saw how cold Ghost’s eyes were. How blank the expression was. But he was yanked down before he could think about it. Their lips met again and König gasped into it. Ghost’s mouth moved against his own, tongue pushing past his lips to map him out. 

König slowly put his hands on Ghost’s body, gently touching him like he’d shatter or snap. Ghost had no such reservations as he bit König’s lip and then ran his hands down his back. He yanked him away by his hair, feeling such a rush at seeing the bigger man let him. 

“I want you. Right now.”

König blushed bright red. “We don’t have lube. Or protection.” 

Ghost flipped them over and grabbed his coat. “Vaseline works right? I’m clean. Get checked every six months and I haven’t slept with anyone sense.” He forced König’s legs open, glad he hadn’t let him get dressed yet. König

König nodded, covering his eyes. His whole body had turned as red as strawberry and Ghost got the urge to bite him like one. So he did. He made pretty indents of his own teeth. 

König squirmed and panted as he worked him open, not going easy on him. Ghost growled at him. “You’re too tight. Relax.” 

König panted softly and tried, but it was a bit difficult. He clenched around Ghost’s fingers in a death grip and Ghost slowed down. He made circles on König’s hips with his thumb and moved his fingers steadily instead. Once he found his prostate, he brushed it gently, watching König shiver and arch his back. König bit his lip hard and he tried to press back against him. Ghost didn’t let him do more than brush against it, working him open a lot easier now that König had a goal in mind. When he pulled out, he thought König would start crying. 

More vaseline and then he was carefully lining up with him. König grabbed his hand tight and his legs wrapped around his waist. Ghost pushed in slowly and had to pause to catch his breath. 

König was gorgeous. All littered with scars and freckles and muscle. His tummy was a little soft, perfect to grab and his waist was definitely… what did they call it? Slutty little waist? 

But he was also deathly tight. It was almost painful but König whimpered and Ghost needed to hear more of those. He slid in a little more and König let out a shuddering breath, looking anywhere but Ghost. 

“So big…” His accent had thickened and the words were barely comprehensible. 

“That all you can take?” Ghost meant it genuinely. He wasn’t exactly small and he didn’t want to hurt König. 

König only heard it as a challenge. “No.” He pulled him closer and Ghost grunted as he bottomed out. Those damned whimpers. It took too much self control to not start rocking his hips into him. Self control Ghost didn’t have. 

König’s hands gripped Ghost’s hips and at first, he thought he was trying to make him stop but he just held on to him. He brushed his sweet spot again and König moaned and then buried his face in Ghost’s shoulder to hide. Ghost learned from the prep and moved slowly, now hitting it dead on and being steady. 

König was breathing pretty hard and kept clenching desperately. He clearly wanted more, but Ghost was going to make him ask for it. Took longer than he was expecting, but König was anxious at the best of times. 

“Please, Simon.” 

Ghost slammed into him and König bit him in retaliation. He refused to make any more noises besides the whimpers he couldn’t choke down. Ghost’s arms wrapped around his waist as they held on to each other, being more feral than they should be. More feral than they had the excuse to be. König’s raked his nails down Ghost’s back, noting the scent of blood but ignoring it. Ghost moaned when he did and nuzzled against him encouragingly. They found each other’s rhythm, slotting together like puzzle pieces. 

König pushed one of Ghost’s hands to his cock and it was embarrassing how little he needed to finish. Ghost pulled out and finished on his thighs. He hadn’t asked to cum inside and he didn’t feel like asking now. They panted for a bit and Ghost shook his head. 

“I shouldn’t… If I cro-” König yanked him down to kiss him. Words didn’t seem to work well with Ghost so he was trying this instead. 

Worked perfectly.

#cod #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare ii #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #König x ghost #König

[try-set-me-on-fire]

If you’re still taking soft prompts - can I request buddie in the bathtub? 🧡🧡🧡

I’ll count this under “long showers” because i do love to check off a to do list. Send me soft prompts! Find the finished ones on ao3!

It isn’t long into this apocalyptic fire season when they decide to take opposite shifts. It’s awful, being out here in the hills working himself to the bone without Buck at his side, and even worse when Buck is the one at the front line and Eddie is sitting at home and helpless to do anything if something goes wrong. It’s October, though, and the city has been staring up at flames on the horizon on and off since August, the sky a choking reddish gray, and after the first evacuation order for their neighborhood went out when they were both in turnouts up in Malibu beating back the other edge of the 200 acre blaze and they’d had to talk Carla through what to pack and where to find important documents over a call turned staticky by phone lines overtaxed by the scared and desperate, they’d decided that Christopher should have one of his parents with him whenever possible. So it’s been Buck for the last 30 hours that should have been 24 but replacements were held up in some other hellish pocket of usually picturesque landscape, stranding Eddie, and some members of the 133 and many people he’s never met before who aren’t even from LA, up near the Getty Villa. He’d been there just last spring, a field trip with Chris. The gardens had been nice.

Finally, finally he’s headed home. They’re back in the house again, for the third time. The fire itself had never actually gotten close, but they’d always returned to ash caked thick over the building, working its way through any crack in the house to coat their things in fine toxic dust. They’d spent their last overlapping downtime cleaning together, Chris still at Maddie’s place a little further out of the danger zone, washing everything that could be washed in water they’d been warned not to drink. That had been a full week ago. Eddie hadn’t seen his husband for more than a quick kiss hello-goodbye since, and he’s uselessly mad that the 24 hours they were supposed to have together before Buck heads out has been cut down to something more like 15 with travel time, and that he’s so exhausted he knows he’s going to sleep through most of it. He can hear Buck in the kitchen when he gets through the door and then slumps back against it, kicking off his shoes. It’s late, near one AM, so Chris is probably asleep even at the terribly old age of 14 where official bedtimes are mostly a thing of the past. Eddie can smell food of some sort. If he can just make himself walk a few more feet he’ll have a hot meal and loving arms around him. He takes a deep breath, head tilted against the door, eyes closed, trying to summon some impossible reserve of energy.

Buck, of course, comes to him.

“Hey,” he hears, soft and familiar, a moment before warm hands slide up his chest and rest on his shoulders. Eddie opens his eyes so he can just see Buck for a second before he folds forward into his arms.

“Hey, you,” he breathes into Buck’s clean shirt. Buck just hums, and kisses the side of his head. Eddie should tell him not to, he’s still filthy, but it just makes him relax further into his hold.

“You want food or a shower first?”

“Oh god,” Eddie lolls his head back to squint at him. “Dunno if I can stay upright long enough for either.”

Buck grins just a little, one half of his mouth, an eyebrow raised, and points a finger in the air. “I have a two part solution to this.”

Eddie laughs through his nose. “Please, enlighten me.”

Buck takes his hand, pulling him along to their bathroom and propping him up against that door instead, making a show of it and drawing more quieter laughter out of Eddie. “Wait just a second,” he says, kissing his cheek and darting back out to the kitchen and returning in record time with a still warm quesadilla on a paper plate. It’s cut into sixths and Eddie gratefully stuffs a triangle into his mouth as Buck moves around the room. He zones out a little, blinking when Buck appears in front of him again some amount of minutes later. He’s cleared the plate without even noticing, and Buck takes it from him and sets it on the counter.

“Figured it’d be good to make an easily eatable food. No utensils needed! All self-contained!” Buck smiles wide and pleased with himself and Eddie smiles back, and pulls him in for a clumsy little kiss.

“Good step one,” Eddie concedes, still sort of pressed against his lips. “What’s next?”

Buck gestures at the tub, now full of steaming water. “So you don’t have to stand up.”

Eddie could blame the fact that he tears up on how tired he is, but he gets blindsided by Buck’s gentle care often enough when he’s completely awake to know it would be a flimsy excuse. He tugs on him again, kissing him steadily, one hand coming up to hold his face as he tries to start undressing with the other. Buck huffs a little against his mouth, and joins his own hands in the effort, getting Eddie’s pants and underwear off, kissing him a little harder before they have to part to rid him of his shirt. Eddie leans in again, but Buck dodges.

“C’mon, get in.”

Eddie tries to pout at him, but it’s ruined by the adoration writ in every feature. Buck holds his elbow to steady him as he steps over the edge of the tub, provides strength to lean on as he lowers himself into the water. He groans a little as he’s submerged, the almost too hot water eating away at the aches in his muscles. Buck grabs his body wash as Eddie settles back against the edge of the tub, and lathers up a washcloth.

“Is it ok to even do this? Water advisory is still on.” Eddie mumbles as Buck starts carefully cleaning away dirt and soot.

“Just don’t swallow,” Buck says, voice shaped around a laugh that Eddie lets out. He taps on Eddie’s shoulder so he leans forward, and Buck scrubs at his neck and shoulders, taking his time over the left one. Eddie had stumbled up on a slope somewhere in the early morning dark towards the beginning of his shift, and he hadn’t had the time to check but he was pretty sure he’d gotten scratched up back there. Eddie watches Buck’s face. He looks concerned, but only gently, so it must not be too bad. Buck kisses the area when he’s done, and then hands Eddie the cloth to get at the submerged parts of himself as Buck grabs the shampoo. Eddie cleans himself quickly, and he can tell Buck wants to take the cloth back and make more careful work of it, but Eddie plugs his nose and dunks his head underwater before he can say anything. He wipes water away from his face when he reemerges, then leans over and leaves a wet handprint on Buck’s shirt as he goes for another kiss.

“Please,” Eddie says, nodding at the shampoo.

Eddie is not a man used to being taken care of- not in an intimate, physical way. The 118, and Frank, and even his family, have dragged him into accepting care and support from those around him, but relaxing enough to let another human being touch him, surrendering control, letting someone else do the work of maintaining his body is something that took him a long time to admit he wanted. Buck has always been good at finding ways to burrow past any wall Eddie constructs, however, and it had only taken three showers together after they’d started dating to discover how much they both enjoy it when Buck washes Eddie’s hair. Buck just likes touching him in general, in any way, as much as he can, and Eddie had been glad to overcome shyness and indulge him in the impulse.

Buck glides foamy fingers through his hair, combing out tangles and dirt as he goes. He works so slowly, paying absolute attention to the task at hand. His fingers against Eddie’s scalp makes the aches and fear of the day (the week, the last several months) melt away into the bath water. He relaxes utterly into his husband’s hands, very nearly lulling into sleep and not even worrying much about it. He knows Buck will keep him above water.

“Hold your breath,” Buck quietly instructs, and then there are rivers of water flowing over his scalp and face, again and again until he’s clean. He opens his eyes when it’s over, and Buck has his chin propped on his arm resting on the edge of the tub, just watching him. He smiles when they make eye contact.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers.

“Hey, you,” Buck says, tilting his head. He’s beautiful. He’s kneeling on the tile floor and his shirt is soaked and filthy and it’s probably closer to two now, judging by how tepid the water’s become, and it’s felt like the end of the world since August and probably since a long time before that, and here they are in it together, and Buck is beautiful. Eddie reaches out to touch his cheek.

“Conditioner?”

Eddie thinks about it as his fingers explore his nose, trace his birthmark for the thousandth time, but he shakes his head. The water is cold. “I want to go to bed.”

“Ok,” Buck says, turning his head quick to kiss Eddie’s fingers before getting up to grab a towel as Eddie pulls the drain. Buck gracefully ignores the ache-y noises Eddie makes as he stands, wrapping him up and leaving to grab clothes. He gives himself a onceover in the foggy mirror as he brushes his teeth. He’s looked worse, but he’s looked better. Buck comes in with sweatpants and an old Buckley LAFD shirt that’s permanently migrated to Eddie’s side of the dresser.

“You should probably change, yourself,” Eddie waves at the run off filth down Buck’s front. “Sorry.”

Buck shakes his head. “Probably should have stripped too,” he says, tossing in a wink because the sentence calls for it, heading back out for his own change of clothes.

Eddie follows, and then walks on tender feet further down the hall, opening Chris’s door as quietly as he can. His calm breathing competes for noise over the air purifier a few feet from his bed. There’s a book on his bedside table, and his DS on top of that, and the dinosaur stuffed animal Buck had got him at the natural history museum years ago that had lived on a shelf for a long time when he’d outgrown it is back on the bed beside him. He’s not as sound a sleeper as he was when he was a child, and Eddie can’t go to his side and press a kiss into his curls without waking him up, and they could all use any rest they can find, so he stays in the doorway and just watches until Buck comes to find him.

“He’s alright,” Buck whispers. “You know how brave he is.” He looks as haunted by the words as Eddie feels.

“Yeah,” he breathes, taking one last look. “I know.”

They walk back down the hall hand in hand, and Buck lets Eddie lead him to one side of the bed, laughing as Eddie pulls him down on top of him. With just a little bit of wiggling they’re able to get situated under the covers, Buck draped over his chest in the way he insists is comfortable and Eddie can never figure out how he manages without his neck getting stiff. He’ll never tell him to stop, though. Laying there with the weight of Buck over his heart is the safest place in the world, and always draws him immediately towards sleep. Eddie manages to resist the pull long enough to glance at the clock. 2:15. Buck has to leave at noon. He sighs and wraps his arms around him, and Buck burrows impossibly closer. For now. They have right now.

#started writing. drank tequila. here we are #hopefully its coherent #buddie #my writing #911 abc #new era…. #eddie diaz #evan buckley

[landofzero-archive]

Ibara Saegusa - Worms Within the Lion’s Body (1)

Writer: Kanata Haruka

Season: Winter

(Location: S TV (Central TV) )

Ibara: Thank you for your hard work again today! Even I am proud that you’re so competent in all areas ☆

Since today’s recording emphasised on ad-libbing that wasn’t in the script, I was a bit worried myself. But it’s great that my worry was unfounded.

Here is some ice cream as refreshments from the tv programme’s staff. Would chocolate flavoured ice cream be fine with you, Your Excellency?

Nagisa: …… It’s ice cream. Thank you, Ibara. This is today’s reward isn’t it? I’ll accept it, then.

(...... Hurk!?)

Ibara: By all means, I look forward to your continued success in work tomorrow as well, Your Excellency!

Nagisa: ……

Ibara: Is there something wrong, Your Excellency? For some reason, you’re making a difficult expresion. Was it my ineptitude?

If that is the case, I will aim for improvement immediately, so please do not hold back in telling me the problem. This Ibara Saegusa will show you that I can overcome any difficulty if it is Your Excellency’s wishes. Ahahaha ☆

Nagisa: …… You’re being loud. Shut up a little.

Ibara: Heh…….!?

Eh? Y-your Excellency? Why are you angry, so suddenly? Have I really offended you somewhere?

If there is something, I will rectify it right now!? Right this moment! So please talk to me peacefully!?

(Location: CosPro Office Conference Area)

Ibara: —And that was what happened.

Hiyori: Ahaha. That’s so funny. I guess Ibara was spooked by how intimidating Nagisa-kun was.

Ibara: This is no laughing matter. It’s been a few days since that incident, but His Excellency still hasn’t talked to me.

Hiyori: Hmm. So then, Ibara has come to me to ask the reason for Nagisa-kun’s anger?

Ibara: Exactly. As it is His Excellency’s day off today, I wanted to grab the opportunity to figure out the specifics.

Hiyori: I think there’s no need for you to be so nervous. It was just a ‘worm’ in a bad place. (2)

Ibara: Even so, I didn’t think that His Excellency would be so mad at me for that.

Hiyori: Fufu……

Ibara: Is there something wrong? This really is nothing to laugh about, Your Highness.

Hiyori: Nothing, I’m just thinking that this Ibara that’s panicking a lot more than I was expecting is really cute.

Ibara: No matter how much one knows, one has to be wary of landmines as one might not know where they might be buried.

Up till now, when I had angered His Excellency, I was able to figure out the cause to some extent. But this time, I could not even find a lead to the cause.

I can’t defuse the bomb properly, in this case.

Therefore, as Your Highness is the one who is the most knowledgeable about His Excellency, I implore for you to lend me your power!

Hiyori: ……Heh, Ibara is being unusually and admirably meek, aren’t you?

Ibara: If His Excellency’s mood continues to be bad, it might start to become a hindrance for our future activities as “Eden” and “Adam.

Thus, I have decided this incident should be resolved as swiftly as possible.

Hiyori: I see. Now I understand why you’re so desperate.

I do certainly know the reason for Nagisa-kun’s anger. So it would be absolutely correct for Ibara to seek me out.

Ibara: That’s quite fortunate! Well then, shall we—

Hiyori: However, it’s boring to just tell you so easily like that, right? Since you’re asking me for help, you have to show me your sincerity.

Ibara: Sincerity? How would Your Highness like me to demonstrate that? Would prostrating myself suffice? (3)

Hiyori: Fufun, I want Ibara to accompany me to go window shopping.

(Location: Shopping mall 1F)

Hiyori: Mmhm, I was able to get a variety of cute spring clothes. Lovely weather ♪

Ibara: It’s nice to hear that Your Highness is satisfied. However, this is such a luxurious way to spend your time.

Hiyori: You can only say it’s luxurious when you’ve managed to entertain me.

When I asked for preferences on clothes, you only gave me model answers. Even though you know the latest trends, in the end, you only talked about whether they will go out of style or get more trendy.

Talking with you isn’t exciting.

Since Ibara usually only works, I tried to teach you about noble games, but you can’t be taught at all.

Ibara: For me, work and producing results are like playing. Therefore, there is no need for Your Highness to worry about such things. Ahahaha☆

Putting that aside, isn’t it about time you tell me the reason for His Excellency’s anger?

Hiyori: Hm. Well, it’s fine. We’ve managed to kill some time, and you’ve even become something like a luggage carrier.

Well then, the reason for Nagisa-kun’s anger was it?

Fufu, the reason Nagisa-kun glared at Ibara is—

Ibara: That is……

Hiyori: Just a dental cavity. (4)

Ibara: ……Ha? Eh……Dental cavity?

Hiyori: To be specific, the reason was ‘a toothache’. It’s not confirmed to be a dental cavity just yet.

If I remember correctly, on the day he glared at Ibara, eating the ice cream refreshments he got from staff made him feel pain in his tooth.

But he thought that if he reported the pain to Ibara, his ice cream would be taken away and that thought made him grimace.

Ibara: …… Then, you mean to say the reason I’ve been worried sick up till now is just a dental cavity?

Hiyori: Nagisa-kun took a day off today because he made up his mind to go see a dentist.

Look, the dentist’s is right over there. Nagisa-kun should be going there today. The treatment should almost be over soon……

Nagisa: …… Hiyori-kun, you’re here to pick me up.

…… Eh? Ibara is here too? Why?

Hiyori: Sorry, Nagisa-kun. Ibara was really worried that he had offended you, so I spilled to him about the dental cavity.

Nagisa: …… Is that so? Sorry, Hiyori-kun, for causing you trouble. You too, Ibara. My teeth are fine, so you can rest assured.

Ibara: Is that so…… Yes. That is good news. It’s good that Your Excellency’s teeth are doing fine.

Nagisa: …… Ibara, I’m sorry about the other day. I spoke to you a little too harshly.

Ibara: I do not mind. Since I know of the reason for Your Excellency’s anger now, I can relax.

But, Your Excellency, I must apologise for my rudeness.

For the time being, Your Excellency is banned from any sweets whatsoever!

Nagisa: …… There’s no need to ban them. After all, it’s not a dental cavity, it’s just sensitive teeth.

Ibara: It doesn’t matter! Whether it’s dental cavities or sensitive teeth, the fact that you felt the pain is all the same!

Nagisa: …… The dentist also taught me the correct way to brush my teeth. With this, there are no other problems right?

Ibara: No, this is a definite decision! No matter what Your Excellency says, this decision cannot be reversed!

For the time being, I will be personally overseeing your mealtimes and your teeth brushing times.

I’ll even brush Your Excellency’s teeth myself!

Nagisa: …… Don’t get carried away, Ibara. I’ve told you this before, but I think it should be repeated. I’m your superior, Ibara is my inferior—

Ibara: That sort of threat won’t work on me this time. That’s because this time, I was the one unable to properly manage Your Excellency, leading to your ruin!

Lately I’ve been giving Your Excellency too much freedom. That’s why this chink in my armor was able to be put on full display for you.

Nagisa: …… What should I do, Hiyori-kun? Ibara is scarier than usual.

Hiyori: Seems like Ibara and Nagisa-kun’s positions are flipped now, huh? Getting in the way of this particular Ibara is kind of a bother, so you should run away with me when this happens, Nagisa-kun.

Ibara: I’m not letting you. I will never let this farce happen again! Never again!

---

TL NOTES

1. Not a Christian reference, yet still a religious one. The title is a direct reference to a Buddhist analogy; Worms within the lion’s body. (source) The saying bears the meaning that ‘followers of Buddhism destroys it’s teachings just as worms born from the carcass of the lion devour the lion’. The story’s title however is a pun, as the first character for the original phrase is read as ‘religious leader’ but the first character for this story title is read as ‘lion’. Both are pronounced the same way. In this context, the ‘lion’ is Nagisa and the ‘worm’ is his tooth cavity.

2. He literally said ‘bug/worm’ ( 虫 ) The reason for which will be explained further down the story.

3. Dogeza.

4. Cavity/tooth decay = 虫歯. Written with the kanji for ‘bug/worm’ ( 虫 ) and ‘tooth’ ( 歯 ).

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #ibara saegusa #nagisa ran #hiyori tomoe #era: !! #type: idol story

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 3 Rewatch Drabbles: 3x9 Save Henry

Summary:  A series of 100-500 word drabbles to accompany my    rewatch of season 3 of Once Upon a Time.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.  Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an emphasis on Captain Swan’s epic love story.

Word Count: 843

Other Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Note: It had been my plan to keep at least 3a thoroughly CS focused in these drabbles, with the POV changing from episode to episode between Killian and Emma (this episode was meant to be a Killian episode), but after watching this episode, the big sister/aunt/godmother in me, who has been around and helped care for babies all my life, absolutely had to step in and have someone give first-time mom Regina a little advice about how to handle a crying newborn. (disclaimer: I’m not a mother, so I’m well aware I can’t possibly know the full extent of what it means to be a parent, and I’m not in any way trying to lecture or Monday morning quarterback anyone about parenting, but I am affectionately known as “the baby whisperer” among my family, so I’ve got to be doing something right, right?)

Regina was at her wits end.  Everyone said parenting a newborn was hard.  Everyone said the lack of sleep would be difficult.

No one told her it would be like this.  She was so tired she felt like she was perpetually walking around in a fog.  She did everything she could for Henry–fed him, changed him, held him, rocked him, even tried singing lullabies to him, but nothing worked.  Nothing stopped the relentless crying.

Finally, desperately clawing for something, anything, that could help her, she’d brought her baby to Dr. Whale, sure that there had to be a physical reason for it all.

But he told her Henry was perfectly healthy (before scaring her to death by mentioning the possibility of genetic issues that she had no (legal) way of determining.)

Clutching at that last straw, she’d decided to call Sidney and have him dig into Henry’s sealed adoption records, and to get a moment of peace to do so, she’d handed her baby off to Mary Margaret.

The last thing she’d expected when she turned back around was to find her baby quiet and peacefully cooing up at the school teacher.

Regina’s heart dropped even lower.  What if it wasn’t a physical or genetic problem? What if it was…

”How did you do that?” she asked, walking over to her erstwhile nemesis.

”Do what?” Mary Margaret asked absently as she smiled and cooed down at Henry.

“Make him stop crying.” 

Mary Margaret shrugged.  “I didn’t do anything. He’s so sweet.”

Now was not the time to analyze the ins and outs of why this miracle had occurred.  Now was simply the time to enjoy it.  Regina took Henry from Mary Margaret.

And he immediately started wailing again.

 “Oh no!  No, no, NO!”

Mary Margaret fluttered her hands looking distressed. “I’m so sorry!  Did I do something?”

A cold, stinging sensation settled deep inside Regina.  It wasn’t anything Snow White did.  It was her.  All her. ”No.  No, you didn’t.  It’s me.”

“Well, that’s just nonsense,” came the no-nonsense voice of Granny Lucas as she breezed onto the scene.  “Here, hand him over.  I’ll show you a thing of two.”

While Regina’s first inclination was to stand to her full height and tell the woman she was fully capable of caring for her own son, she realized she really had nothing more to lose.  She deflated and passed Henry over to Granny.

The older woman took him, smiled down at him, and then placed him up against her chest, her hand gently but firmly holding his head to her with her other hand under his little bottom.  She began to bounce and sway, making little shushing noises.

Henry’s wails faded, and then came to a stop.

“But…how?” Regina asked.

“You don’t raise a daughter and then a granddaughter without picking up a few tricks along the way,” Granny said.  “First off, you’ve gotta relax.  You’re wound as tight as Leroy when I run out of bacon.  Babies…they can feel your tension, so you feel yourself tensing up?  Take a couple deep breaths.  Let ‘em out.  Set him in his crib where he’s safe and step away for a few seconds if you need to.  I’m telling you, it’s the key.  You relax; he’ll relax.”

“So…just breathe?  That’s your solution?” Regina asked, with a sardonic raise of the brow.

“Of course not.  That’s just step one,” Granny said.  “Next, look at how I’m holding him.  Ruby refers to it as the ‘Granny choke hold.’  Don’t look at me like that; I’m not choking your baby!  I’m just holding him tight.  Babies like to feel secure, and they like to nestle on your chest where they can hear your heart.”

“Breathe and hold securely.  Got it,” Regina said, “anything else?”

“Last step,” Granny said, “I like to affectionately call the ‘baby jig’.  Just kind of bounce and sway.  It’s soothing.  Gets tiring after a while, but then usually once you get ‘em calmed down you can generally move to a rocking chair.  You wanna try it?”

Did she?  Well, she quite literally had nothing left to lose.  Regina nodded.

“Good,” Granny said with a nod, “now take that deep breath.  That’s it.  Now let it out.  Feeling relaxed?”

Regina nodded.  Granny nodded again and handed Henry over.  He began to fuss, annoyed at being moved from his comfortable position, but remembering the steps Granny gave her, Regina carefully maneuvered him up onto her chest.

And then a miracle happened.  

Henry not only stopped crying; he actually burrowed into her, sighing contentedly.  A warm rush of maternal love washed over her, and she knew she would do anything for this little boy.

Parenting may be the hardest thing she’d ever done, but they would be okay.  They were a family.

Note: I learned how to hold babies from watching my own grandmother who liked to walk around holding babies exactly as Granny does here.  We always used to jokingly call it the “grandma choke hold”, but never fear.  Like Granny said, there is no choking involved.

NEXT CHAPTER->

#season 3 rewatch drabbles #cs fanfiction #ouat fanfiction #my fanfiction #3x9 save henry #regina mills #mary margaret blanchard #granny lucas #unsolicited--but very much wanted--parenting advice

[multifandomgrabage]

Random and non cohesive HB thoughts, particularly season 2:

I don’t condone or support Stella’s actions, but I am very disappointed in how she is written. Im fine with her being a villain, and I’ll even let a lack of a backstory slide! My main issues with Stella are:

A) Being 1 dimensional. Please, give her traits outside of “bitch” and “angry at Stolas”. The majority of the fan base already is (somehow) in support of Stolitz, you don’t need another prop to keep your ship going. (subpoint to a): Also, not a fan of the “wife finds out that her husband is queer” trope, but whatever, she is a villain. Its pretty fucking basic though.

B) Her lines. My fucking gosh, her lines are so fucking flat and weightless. You’d think that something an abuser says would stick and sound intimidating, but no. We get “I LiKe ToRmEnTiNg YoU”. For fucks sake, what was that?! As someone who grew up with an abusive mother, I can confidently say that no one will say that. Its like they didnt respect their ADULT audience enough to figure things out and felt they had to have a giant ass neon sign screaming

“LOOK HERE, THIS IS ABUSIVE, SHE SAID SHE LIKES HURTING HIM! A-B-U-S-E! NOW GO AND FORGET ABOUT ANY TERRIBLY TOXIC THINGS STOLAS OR BLITZO HAVE DONE”

Clearly the show is meant for adult audiences. We don’t need to be told what is and isn’t abuse. Why not do a little something called “show vs tell”? Some alright examples they have previously done are the portraits usually having just Stolas and Octavia, or a pissed Stella. Or seeing how she threw a fucking imp butler across the room.

I got a bit off topic, but here are some ways id probably write her:

A narcissist. To the outside world, she is friendly Stella, who just likes to party and smile. She has a perfect family, and everyone loves her. But under the surface, in order to feel superior she puts Stolas down constantly, through verbal abuse and perhaps some physical. Her love for Octavia is conditional, she is only pleased as long as everyone is doing everything to her command. All this possibly stems from an inferiority complex that she desperately covers through a high ego, false confidence and making sure others feel lesser to her.

Some possible lines?:

“You are nothing without me. You think you can make it on your own without me? You cant even take care of Octavia, what makes you think you can handle yourself”

“You would choose a lowly imp over me? I guess I shouldn’t have expected more from someone as low as you”

“You don’t even deserve to have me, consider yourself lucky that I am willing to stay”

“You look so damn stupid like that, singing in your self pity. Had you stuck with me, you wouldn’t have been in that position.” That or someone else mentioned Blitzo and Stella being childhood friends, her being arranged with Stolas, and then having the cheating incident

whoever had that idea is a genius.

C: Why is her design so damn good? I love fancy pigeons and they made her a fancy pigeon. (this isn’t a complaint but a thought)

Moving on from Stella, lets get to S2 E2…

I was so excited to have an episode where it wasn’t the Stolitz shipping show. I got my hopes too high. The one positive thing Ill say is that I enjoyed the adoption flashback. Maybe I read too much into it but it feels kind of like a commentary in how shitty the adoption system is, especially to teenagers. Any kid really, as they’re treated like literal dogs, and then kicked out on the street.

Back to me complaining about shit:

For one, why did we spend so much fucking tome in that stupid ass sitcom? If Stolas is such a caring dad, shouldn’t he just leave and look for Octavia? So much character growth could have happened in that time.

I know that Loona didn’t just tell Octavia to just deal with her dad neglecting her just because “he’s trying”. Its HIS responsibility as a parent to take care of his kid, and Octavia has every right to be upset st him and her circumstances. Her parents have been unstable, but after a divorce, even more so. Her dad has straight up ignored her, in favor of arguing with Stella. She did nothing wrong and has nothing to apologize for. I got so excited when Stolas started to apologize, but then Octavia apologized.

Did I mention that there was 4 minutes of Octavia and Loona together at most? Despite the thumbnail? Yeah, that blowed.

Honestly the only reason I keep up anymore is because of the animation and the weak dying hope that it’ll get better.

thats all ig, please don’t be rude in the comments. You can disagree but keep it civil. Going to bed now, bye

EDIT: So Imma randomly add a brainbarf of thoughts here too, because I do not feel like organizing shit. My brain's thoughts just expand everywhere, so bare with me.

Another reason why Stella's abuse doesn't really land is because Stolas just... doesn't seem afraid of her at all? For someone who claims to love tormenting someone, she sure is doing a shitty job at it. The way that Stolas would just have the balls (or cloaca ig) to keep going out using Blitz, worry free despite his wife doesn't give the vibes of "Victim of Domestic violence, verbal and physical abuse" to me.

To continue on why her abuse doesn't land, it has to do with the nature of this show and how it portrays stuff. It gets very confusing. Loona assaulting Blitz, Blitz and Asmodeus (on separate occasions) touching Moxie's groin area (without consent) and Multiple characters using slurs against Moxie is supposedly "funny".

Personally I don't find it humorous, but I do get somewhat jaded and desensitized to stuff like that happening. Not to say that it's acceptable behavior, but you do kind of get used to it and take it a little less seriously in the context. In S1E2 Stella is seen screaming and throwing shit around. This *can* be seen as portrayal of abuse, but given that many characters do similar shit it can also be seen as another unfunny attempt at humor.

Fast forward to season 2, if you've lasted that long you should expect some edgy shit like that to be written in a way that tries to excuse it. But all of a sudden, we get "Actually, abuse is bad. Feel bad for Stolas because he is abused by his wife. Yeah, we constantly make our characters do abusive things too, but it's funny when they do it, just ignore it and feel bad for Sad Gay Owl Man."

What? The fuck? Is the deal with powers, especially human disguises? Initially I thought that maybe only Succubi and Incubi, as well has hellhounds had the power because some hellborns are more powerful than others. How would that work if Hellhounds are below Imps in the hierarchy though? By that logic, shouldn't Imps also get that power? So that idea doesn't work. I don't fucking know why or how any of this works. Theres no storybuilding or explanation for it. For something that appears so often, I think there should be. The purpose of a human disguise is to blend in among the human world, so I can see Succubi/Incubi having that power because I'd assume they're some of the only demons allowed to go to the human world. I wouldn't know why a hellhound would come to Earth, but I guess they just have the power too?

Speaking of rules about demons on Earth that weren't explained!

Stolas is able to summon himself in some big scary owl demon form without his book ANYWHERE near him in "Truth Seekers". Yet in S2E2 he can only conjure up a poorly designed human form because now his powers are attached to the book? HUH?! Where is the consistency?

Also, given that IMP is big enough to get a commercial, how have they not gotten in trouble for breaking what I assume is one of hell's only rules? We know that they aren't supposed to be there, and yet this seems to have no consequence? Having them have to try and fly below the radar in hell would raise stakes a lot more imo.

But whatever, fuck the rules, because there are none!

______________________________________________________

Unrelated rambles, but still kind of relevant and similar? I just don't want to make a separate post.

I don't like Andrealphus' design. It's way too bright and saturated and honestly has my eyes strain a lot, despite not being red. I kinda wanna redesign him. Also I feel like he's gonna be yet another gay stereotype, which is always fun to have /s.

Lucifer's design is underwhelming. Not necessarly because the design is bad on its own, but because of two things:

A) Too many characters look like that. We have too many skinny white Tumblr Sexyman Twinks. We have too many characters with that copy paste smile. Too many characters in suits. He just doesn't stand out. This leads me to my next point.

B) His design doesn't say "Lucifer, King and Ruler of Hell, Fallen Angel". It says "Generic Vivziepop Snarky Guy with a quirky interest". BEFORE SOME OF YALL START SAYING "B-but ackshually he pwobably haz a more dwemwonic fowm 🤓", respectfully, no. I feel that the leader of hell should have a default design that commands some kind of respect out of fear, it doesn't have to be crazy, but it should be intimidating, and stand out. What kind of king just blends into a crowd of his own people? Especially in a fantasy? This is fiction, and there is no reason to hold back and not try something new. In fact, 90% of the characters being skinny could actually be used as an advantage, because then you could just make Lucifer's bodyshape different from the default and he'd already stand out much more.

Fuck it, two redesigns coming up. When I'm done I'll link them here.

#helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss critical #helluva boss octavia #helluva spoilers #helluva loona #anti stolitz #helluva stella #rambles #not edited #now its edited #anyways uh #if anyones wondering im not really an anti of the show #but im not really a fan either? #ill see it come up and watch it casually and have thoughts

[pianocat939]

Am not sure if you're taking request or write for kingdom but if so

Dark Cacao x dragon!reader?Possibly The reader working with Dark Enchantress trying to take down the kingdom like in chapter 13-14? Then getting captured after getting caught by one of the warriors? The rest is up to you

Could I possibly go by 🕯️?

I might not have declared this enough but yes, I do take Kingdom requests.

Welcome to the forever cursed blog 🕯anon.

The canon story might change a little bit but not too much. MC is allies with D. Enchantress cookie but they’re not a part of the villains. (I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a Yandere, but if not then I’ll rewrite it) Btw, MC’s font is red this time.

Tw: Kidnapping (kinda), Betrayal, violence, mentions of blood (jam), MC cries a bit, There’s a reference to DILF but not in story (don’t judge me ok)

(I went off from the request sorry.)

Broken Walls

• “Y/n Dragon, do you swear to protect the Dark Cacao Kingdom and its descendants with every breath and claw?” The king spoke, his thick Hanbok flutters in the wind, like a flag on a battlefield.

(한복, aka Hanbok is traditional Korean clothing btw)

• A cookie dragon stands before him, their eyes stinging from the snow and wind. “I swear to protect your kingdom and its descendants, my King; in return, I require respect and acceptance from your subjects, and yourself.”

• The Licorice Sea’s waves crashes against the walls, trying to erode the cocoa blocks.

• It was an unusually cold and bitter day, even for the Dark Cacao Kingdom; this day however, was the establishment of the alliance between the Dark Cacao Kingdom and Y/n Dragon.

• “Then I, Dark Cacao Cookie, will bring respect and acceptance to your table. For our reunion!” He bows, showing great respect and honor.

• “For our reunion!” Y/n Dragon does the same, bowing in a sharp angle.

• What a rigid but serene day it was, if only the rebellion hadn’t occurred.

——————————————————

• “Get out of our kingdom! Get out of our kingdom!” A group of Cacao cookies chant, holding up Pujok(s) with ‘Protection’ written upon them.

(부적, Pujok is a blessing paper/amulet)

• The cookies are trying to get the Dragon out of their Kingdom, despite what Dark Cacao cookie swore to do.

• Y/n Dragon lay in their home, trying to keep the protestants from tearing into the paper screens.

• They feel betrayed and angered. Did Dark Cacao forget what they agreed on?! What was even the purpose of the alliance when the other couldn’t fulfill the promise?

• Having enough with the mistreatment, the saddened dragon went to the back door. As soon as they step outside, the cold surrounds their entire being. The air was crisp, invading their body in a soothing way.

• With the abundant of space, Y/n Dragon turns into their Dragon form and flies away.

• As they fly, the snow falling down makes it difficult to see; a punishment for being in the eternal winter-land.

• When the cookies see that the dragon hears their wishes, they cheer. Finally, that wretched dragon was gone from their homeland!

• “Move out my way my subjects!” Their kings yells, trying to slice through the crowd. He enters the newly abandoned home, and kneels in defeat.

• He was a failure, a disappointment, for his friend, ally, and the one he loved most.

• “I will bring you back, Y/n Dragon; I will never let any of the my subjects treat you in such horrendous ways ever again.”

• He then motions his soldiers over, standing up once more. “I want all of their things transported to the Citadel, make sure they’re handled with extreme caution. One rip, and I will bring retribution.”

• As the soldiers go to work, he appears in front of the crowd’s eyes again. “My subjects…You have disappointed me, and now, you will be punished. You have broken our laws and alliance, so you shall be guilty of your actions.”

• The crowd panics, then try to desperately apologize to Dark Cacao, but he pays them no mind.

——————————————————

• “While we are infiltrating the Citadel, you will be attacking the towers from above, correct?” Pomegranate questions, confirming the plan.

• “Yes, there may be watchers and soldiers flooding the walls so be wary of them.” The dragon responds, looking at the Kingdom below.

• “Don’t worry, with Dark Choco by our side we shall have no complications.” She motions over to Dark Choco, who stands with an indescribable expression.

• “Defeat your father once and for all, Dark Choco. For me, and the Soul Jam.” The dragon then takes off, on their way to attack.

——————————————————

• “My king, won’t you eat some of these delicious rainbow jellies? Their quite tasteful you know.” An attendant suggests, holding the desserts in an appetizing manner.

• “Later, I have something to attend to.” He ignores their concern and shuts himself in his personal chamber.

• He goes over to a shrine placed near his Yo. On one of the shelves of the shrine is a portrait. A portrait of Y/n Dragon.

(요, Yo is a traditional sleeping mat)

• He lights up an incense stick and sticks it in the ash pot. He silently prays, then proceeds to mutter, “My adored one, please come back to me.”

• “Your majesty! The walls are being attacked by monsters and- and Y/n Dragon!” The servant from before calls, hidden by the paper screens.

• Dark Cacao’s eyes flung wide open, in shock of the return. “Prepare for battle! Tell them that I will deal with the dragon personally!”

• He’ll finally have them back.

——————————————————

• The towers crumble from Y/n Dragon’s flames. The watchers were no use against the beast.

• The attacker then places their claws upon the wall, slightly crumbling it. “Dark Cacao Kingdom! Your doom has arisen! For your betrayal to me will beat down the walls and flood you with the Licorice Sea!”

• “Y/n Dragon! Please, our people have realized our mistakes! We know we have done wrong! But please, spare our kingdom!” A senior watcher yells, kneeling down and clasping their hands together in defeat.

• “Your time is over! There is no room for pleading!” More towers crumble, falling down into the abyss below.

• In the distance, a sword shines purple. Right in the direction of the Dragon’s back.

• “Blame it on yourselves and your king for the rest of this falling kingdom!” They roar once more, unaware of the cookie ambushing them from behind.

• The grape jam sword slashes into the dragon’s back, spilling red jam all over the snow and cacao bricks. The searing pain makes the dragon cry, falling off into the Licorice Sea.

• Due to their growing weakness, Y/n Dragon turns into their cookie from, floating on the shallow side of the sea.

• Had they lost…Already?

——————————————————

• In the King’s chambers, a small fire is lit, covered by a frame to stop it from spreading. It was warm, but in the corners of the room it was still bitter cold. Near the fire sat a couple—Dark Cacao and Y/n Dragon.

• Dark Cacao sits on a cushion crossed-legged. On his lap was Y/n Dragon, sleeping while they lean on his junction between the neck and shoulder. The two are coveted by a thick blanket, ensuring that the cold wouldn’t pierce their bodies.

• A few moments later, Y/n Dragon slowly wakes up, unaware of their current environment. They start to look around, trying to take-in where they are.

• “You’re awake. Good, I was worrying if you were going to end up well.” Dark Cacao confesses, holding their body tighter to his. Y/n Dragon realizes who the cookie was and starts to struggle.

• “Let me go! I don’t want to be in the Kingdom that betrayed me! Especially with you!” As they try to break free, a sharp pain from their backside stops them.

• The King’s expression darkens, “Don’t move, the injury on your back is still fresh.” He carefully nuzzles against the crown of their head, his best attempt at showing affection.

• “Let me go. Please, I don’t want to be hated again.” Y/n Dragon bats his face away, but fails from their weariness.

• Dark Cacao hesitantly pecks their hair, remorse consuming his heart. “I know that my subjects disrespected you. It was my fault, but I won’t let it happen again. This time, I’ll keep you right by my side.” Y/n Dragon silently sheds a tear.

• “I don’t know anymore. I trusted you with my entire being, but a year before I left they- they-” Y/n Dragon couldn’t finish their sentence and looks down in tears. “Started to mistreat me.”

• “I know, I know. No need to dwell on those cruel people. I’ve rightfully punished them.” He lifts a nearby cup full with steaming tea. “Drink this and go back to sleep. We have a grand ceremony to go through tomorrow.” Y/n Dragon obediently accepts the tea, the liquid supplying them with warmth.

• “What do you mean by grand ceremony?” Dark Cacao slightly smiles, staring into the bright flame.

• “I told you I would keep you by my side. To do that, we are going to wed.” The dragon’s tail springs up in surprise.

• “W-what? That’s so sudden!” He rubs their shoulder to relax them, his hair brushes against their hands while doing so.

• “I know it is. I would have courted you first, but considering the state of the Kingdom and the lack of time, this is the only option.”

• If only they had broken those walls, then maybe they wouldn’t have been here.

(I’m sorry for this lazy edit lmaooo)

——————————————————

This is a really good work in my opinion. It just flows so well.

Writing this was extremely enjoyable. Anything from the Dark Cacao Kingdom is easy to write for me because I live in a place where it’s winter for 9 months. I easily understand the environment so I really love writing for it.

Nice DILF content.

- Celina

#dark cacao #dark cacao cookie #Yandere dark cacao cookie #Yandere cookie run #yandere #Yandere x reader #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #Yandere cookie run kingdom

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello I’m here!!

Raaah I meant to talk about the latest chapter sooner but I kept forgetting :,))

But anyway! This chapter really hit home for me and I really resonate with Grian, and I feel so SO scared for him at the same time. The idea that he’s so dead set on hurting himself so badly and mumbo has no idea - along with the rest of the hermits - is very scary, and very effective.

And the fact that they’ve already witnessed him trying to hurt himself in such a way and they’re all trying to cope with that is so. It’s so good. The way you show how each person is dealing with Grian’s attempt is so good because you’re showing them all experiencing different forms of grief.

Mumbo yelled because he was afraid. Tango is trying to help Grian any time he can. Scar is trying to make him laugh. X is dead set on finding a way to save him. Pearl is upset with him. It’s such a good way of showing that grief can manifest in so many different ways, and no one is perfect- they do things like yell because they’re scared, or overstep because they want to help. No one prepares you for grief, and you do an amazing job of showing that.

I can’t express how badly I want to hold Grian’s hand. To me he feels like such a lost soul that feels there’s no hope for him. I have so much sympathy for this depiction of him.

It feels so.. “doomsday” to me?? If that makes sense? The way Grian talks about wanting to go outside and experience the sun and the grass and the sky for one last time before he leaves for good. I feel the bittersweet feeling he must be feeling; not wanting to hurt his friends’ feelings but simultaneously feeling like there’s no other option for him and he just has to do this, so he wants to have a good last day.

It pains my heart so much but in a good way- this is all extremely /pos I cannot express that enough. I think it’s so impressive that you’re able to capture such intense feelings through writing- that’s seriously incredible and if what I’m feeling when reading your story is what you’re after; you’re doing an amazing job!

Ok, I don’t want to overwhelm you so I’ll stop there- but needless to say I’m super excited to see where this story goes and I hope you’re doing well <3

- binge reader

BINGER READER ANON MY HEART....... ohhh this is such a sweet ask and im so unwell abt it /pos

Words cannot express how happy i am that you're resonating so hard with my fic 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel so honored to be touching people's lives with this, i literally dont know how to articulate how much messages like these mean to me. And im just!!!! So pleased that you like what im doing with all these varying depictions of grief!!! From the start i truly wanted to explore different reactions and what i felt these characters would do when placed in such a fraught and urgent situation, and im indescribably glad im hitting the mark on what ive been aiming for.

Its been really enriching for me to explore all these myriad reactions to grief; i remember when i first wrote Mumbo in chapter 3, i was a bit worried about the potential reception-- but it felt so right to let him express his fear through anger. And with Pearl, ive loved taking a deep dive into her own fear and trauma and letting it play out in front of Grian during this situation. Literally everyone is so fun to dive into for all the reasons you've said-- Tango is in fix-it mode, Xisuma is pinning all his efforts on one desperate hope, and Scar is deflecting and trying to buy as much time as possible just to keep Grian alive a little longer. Their various reactions are so important to me, especially in how, like you said, nothing truly prepares you for grief-- and it often manifests in unconventional ways. Its been a real treat to depict that, and its something that i feel has some overlooked merit in the emotional realism department that im glad im able to bring to the table

Im truly so touched by this commentary, so don't worry about overwhelming me!!! Im just so genuinely happy people are getting so much out of my writing, its all ive wanted for such a long time, and finally being able to really reach people with it is a dream come true❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #OUGH OUGH OUGH [POISON DAMAGE TICK SOUND] /POS #also im so ;;;;;; abt grian too like i know im the one writing him but it genuinely is tragic how he feels rn #it makes me want to wrap him up in a hug #gods..... im so excited for chap 10 guys yall have no idea #RAAAAAAH #thank u binge reader anon one thousand kisses for u mwah mwah this made my day #txt

[starseneyes]

Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S1

Your resident shipper of ships here with yet another edition of Meta analysis. I’ll begin by saying I understand the canon of these characters (from what we’ve seen), so I have a fairly good sense of what is and is not possible for the future. That said, I’m enjoying the ride and I’m curious what our fearless leaders will do with what I consider is some considerable wiggle room in the saga.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I know there are many ship combinations out there, and I respect them all! I mean no disrespect to any ship in the Star Trek universe. I only wish to highlight and discuss one that has surprisingly become one of my favorites throughout this season.

This is a Meta. I will spoil the entire season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Turn back now if you wish to remain un-spoiled! Otherwise, welcome to the ramblings of the girl with stars in her eyes. This one’s going to be fun!

“I’m gonna mess with your genome. You first.”

Their first interaction. Nurse Christine Chapel is a civilian on-loan with a heckuva lot of intel and attitude. She has grit and guts, but she also has a wild side.

I love the way she looks to Spock, immediately zeroing in on him as the one to flirt with. My guess is that since she’s mentioned previous friendships with Vulcans, it’s one of those things she likes to do—flirt with the Vulcan to see if she gets a reaction. Kind of like those people who take photos with the Queen’s Guard in London eager to get them to twitch.

Spock notes the extra attention and looks to Pike, who offers a “it is what it is” smirk. Nobody’s going to rescue him from this.

From everything we learn of Christine in season one, she struggled with commitment, romantic relationships, and opening herself up. She uses humor and intelligence as defenses. Flirting with an emotionally unavailable (see what I did there?) Vulcan is insignificant to her at this point. It’s just a flirt. No harm, no foul, right?

“You ready for this?” “I am more than capable of managing any pain you can induce.”

A casual exchange with a factual response from Mr. Spock. But Christine Chapel can’t resist the opportunity to needle him a little.

“Mr. Spock! Now you’re just toying with me.”

Watch Uhura’s reaction. After just the “Mr. Spock” she’s already clued into the massive flirting going on right in front of her. It’s blatant! It’s in the open!

Again, for Christine this is no big deal. This is harmless flirting and it’s never going anywhere. I spent years in the theater, and this reminds me of a lot of us who might have flirted with one another at various times but had zero interest in hooking up or a committed relationship. It was just fun to flirt! Christine strikes me as one of us, at her core—battered, broken, but still finding the fun.

Of course, the implications of a little rough sex might have flown over Spock’s head, but the raised eyebrow suggests to me that it did not.

“That was not my intention.” “I’ve noticed.”

Uhura is still looking back at them like, “What the hell did I just witness?” and I love it. It’s like when you bring someone from outside the theater world backstage where half the cast’s naked, one guy’s randomly dry-humping friends for fun, and the rest are performing choreographed musical numbers from another show in the hallway. It’s mayhem and from the outside looks like madness.

But to us, it’s just a bit of fun. Same for Christine here... it’s just a bit of fun.

After episode 2, these two don’t see each other again until episode 5.

“Um, sorry, I really need to go and check on my friend. I’ll call you later, okay?”

Ortegas had offered to be there as a backup with Lt. Devers, but Christine thought she was in the clear. To her great horror, Devers doesn’t want to hook up in the back, but wants to get his hooks into her and bring her over to his ship. The overwhelm strikes her and she’s desperate for an out.

This isn��t about her seeking another guy to get away from one guy. This is looking for an out—any out—to get out of a bad situation. Because, from her point of view, it can’t get much worse than this.

Spock is her excuse. And I think the ONLY reason Devers doesn’t abandon the bar right then and there is that he sees Christine’s headed over to talk to a Vulcan, and few red-blooded (red-shirted) men would be concerned about their human girl having any real sparks with an emotionless green-blooded Vulcan.

I say few, because I’m sure there are some men out there who might think something could happen. But, from what I gauge of Devers, he is not that man.

“But you’re also an idiot.” “I feel I should have seen that coming. Please, elucidate.”

Clearly, they’ve been talking a bit, and he genuinely seeks insight. Though he has only had a few interactions with Christine at this point, he’s known her to be truthful (”This is going to be painful”), thorough, direct, and consistent. Her calling him out in this manner only emphasizes what he already believes to be true about her.

Vulcans, by their very nature, tend to be honest. We’ve heard many times in this series how Vulcans cannot lie in the way that humans do. Christine is a human who has the option to lie, in Spock’s eyes, but in this moment she’s chosen to be truthful about her assessment. That is why I believe he asks for more.

“You’re supposed to put her ahead of your duties. That’s what being in a relationship is. It’s mutual sacrifice. Pretty much why I avoid them.”

Christine is a strong, independent woman who wants to continue her current quality of life. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! But she knows that being tied down to someone would get in the way of her getting to lead that life. She’s consciously choosing not to engage in a dedicated, committed relationship.

Spock, on the other hand, is very much engaged. And Christine genuinely wants to help him see the other side in this. She’s coming at it as a friend, especially considering her friend-with-benefits is still pining for her at the bar over her shoulder.

Then, Spock drops the bombshell—he’s worried T’Pring thinks he’s too human.

“Okay.”

I love this little moment. She doesn’t offer judgment. She doesn’t try to discount it. She says “Okay” and nods to him, a nonverbal cue asking him to continue. She’s making space for him to say his piece, and I think that’s a very important part of how Christine sees friendship—it’s a give and take.

Then, he starts to open up, to share about the isolation he felt as a child living on Vulcan. Christine leans forward, her body weight shifting as she relates to their shared experiences of bullying. It’s the first real thing between them, the first connection point.

“Teenage Spock had a pretty lousy time of it, huh?” “I was bonded to my pet shlat I-Chaya.” “I had a malamute named Milo who may or may not have bitten this girl who called me stupid. Sharp teeth.”

And with that, this conversation has completely shifted. Instead of Christine coming in as a sounding board for Spock, she’s now engaging with him. They’re trading stories. They’re connecting. They’re bonding over very real aspects of their lives, and they don’t even realize it.

“I hope the girl did not repeat the mistake again.”

There’s the hint of a smile in his face as he says it. It’s the closest she’s seen to his human side coming out, and she catches herself smiling back at him. Oh, no. In her mind, he’s becoming a friend. Yes, she likes to flirt with him, but that’s completely one-sided and not at all indicative of anything real.

But that moment between them is the first real moment of connection. It was honest. It came out of nowhere. But it happened.

And Christine wants none of that.

So, she shifts the conversation back to T’Pring and away from the two of them. Helping Spock with his relationship helps put that wedge between him and Christine back in place. It’s a defense mechanism.

“What are friends for?”

Again, she’s putting that line of friendship out hard to remind herself that it exists. That’s all they can be, just friends.

“What are friends for...” “That was a rhetorical, Spock.” “Oh, I know. Humans are almost as easy to tease as Vulcans.”

And there’s that hint of a smile, again. He played a trick on her. Yes, a small one, but enough to get an honest smile out of her. She ducks her head, looking away, but, darnit, that was cute and she can’t deny it.

“Is that Spock’s girlfriend? Hard to tell, but does she look pissed?”

Spock (in T’Pring’s body) is sprinting to Christine for help. Christine thinks she’s looking at the real T’Pring, the fiancée of her friend, and she is nervous. She really meant all of her advice to Spock in good faith, but you never know how it’s going to turn out, or how a woman might feel about their man talking to another woman about their issues.

SIDE NOTE: And can we talk about this location? The two seats encircling toward one another, separated, but identical in shape and form. Can there be a more perfect metaphor for where Spock and Chapel are in this series?

They are very alike, in some ways, and while each of them feels a pull toward the other, like the chairs that do not touch, they can never truly be joined. Whoever was the set designer or location team is breaking my heart today. It’s perfect.

“You clearly have a relationship opportunity.”

Leave it to Christine to find the silver lining in this mess. T’Pring is trying to save his career, so she encourages him to help T’Pring out. It’s the mutual sacrifice she was talking about, but now he gets to live it.

“It is well known that you are betrothed to the son of Sarek... you defend Vulcan ideals with one hand, insult them with the other.” “Hey.”

Both Spock and Christine are getting a little upset here. Poor Spock has had to endure this BS his whole life. Now he’s seeing that it can impact T’Pring, too. From Christine’s point of view, she just learned this week how much people like this hurt her friend, and she doesn’t want to let it happen, again.

“You know what? I work with Spock. He’s twice the Vulcan you are.”

Spock (as T’Pring) tries not to react, but you can tell he appreciates her stepping in to defend him. I doubt many did when he was a child.

“Humans evolved from apes, did they not? You’ve kept many of their charming qualities, it would seem.” “I would caution you to stop insulting my companion.”

And now it’s Spock’s turn. By comparing Christine to an ape, this man is essentially trying to diminish her, much like the girl who called her “stupid” as a child.

“To tell you the truth, I came here today with every intention of considering rehabilitation, but the company you keep changed my mind.”

That’s it. Spock’s had enough.

Because Christine is more than his shipmate. She is a friend. She is a companion. She is someone who has accepted him, listened to him, helped him, and defended him... all without ever offering judgment on his validity as a being worthy of existence.

And this sh*thead just went too far.

The human side of Spock that feels kinship and appreciation for Christine asserts itself in the form of a right hook that sends Vulcan pea-brain sprawling.

Christine was ready to defend herself, but her friend stepped in.

Think about that. The girl whose malamute was her only defense against bullies has a friend who stepped up to defend her. He came through for her. That’s no small thing for Christine.

“Perhaps we should keep the details of how exactly we captured Barjan between us. My response was a tad too human.” “I’d say just the right amount.”

The look Christine gives him is so... nuanced. There’s gratitude. There’s admiration. There’s appreciation. And, again, she’s not condemning a single part of him. She’s accepting him just as he is. And he’s not used to that.

“Nurse Chapel.” “You know you can call me Christine.” “Christine.”

Hearing him say her name has an unexpected impact. She was content to continue working when he called her Nurse Chapel, but her first name on his lips draws her eyes to his. There’s a weight to it that hits unexpectedly.

“I want to thank you again for your help.” “Hey, no big deal.”

She puts distance between them physically, attempting to disengage from the impact.

“Perhaps not. But for me the deal was very big, very big indeed.”

The whole experience has bonded them even more than that conversation. He came to her in confidence, and she kept his confidence. She helped him do T’Pring’s job. She defended him. She was there for him.

And she’s trying to help him be honest with himself. That’s always been tricky for him, especially with being raised on Vulcan around Vulcans. But Christine’s words get through to him, and he is honest with himself and with T’Pring.

Christine is having an impact on him. At this point, it’s only friendship, but it’s a growing friendship. She has proven herself reliable, and he’s done the same for her. They are going to help one another, defend one another, protect one another. There are no doubts on that front. And having that foundation is a beautiful thing.

But, as is the case with these two, it can also be a little dangerous.

“Be honest” “It would have to be the right guy... I, uh... No.”

She can’t say it. Because our homegirl is starting to get a crush and she knows it. That dinner together was the start of something, but she thought she nipped it in the bud. At the end of the episode when she and Spock were talking in Sickbay... there was a new layer to everything.

The tone completely shifted from the two of them talking at a table in a busy restaurant/bar... to nobody else being in the room. No other sounds. No distractions. Just two people sharing a quiet moment of honesty.

And Christine values honesty almost as much as Spock. He showed appreciation for her, gratitude, and genuine caring. It flustered her, though she wishes it didn’t.

And that’s why she can’t say a word to Ortegas about it. Putting it out there in the world as a spoken thought would give it too much powers... and Christine still wants to stamp this out before it goes outside her comfort zone.

“Earth to Spock!” “I am sorry. I am distracted.”

It’s another few episodes before the pair share a significant moment. I find it fascinating (excuse the word choice, but that’s the one that popped out) that we transition from our virtual chat between T’Pring and Spock to an in-person one with Christine.

On a stroll to meet Dr. Aspen, Christine notes Spock’s complete lack of focus. From his very first reaction, she can tell that something is off. I love that she knows him so well that she can tell when he’s completely in his head.

“I need... a friend.” “Ah, spill it.”

Christine seems to be ducking out of the latest T’Pring/Spock drama, but when he pulls out the “friend” card, she gives in. This is fully within the limits that she has set, and she really does want to help.

“T’Pring has been researching human sexuality. She has been quite thorough.” “That doesn’t sound so bad.” “One would imagine.” “But...”

I love that “But”. From her perspective, sexuality is not a bad thing! It’s not a bad thing to research and be aware of at all. But, she can sense that “but” coming, and she wants to give him space to say what he needs to say.

It reminds me of the “Okay” and nod from the dinner conversation in Spock Amuck. She recognizes he has more to say, even if he’s still formulating in his mind how to say it. It’s a way of not rushing him to the point, while acknowledging she knows there’s one coming.

“She appears more eager to explore my humanity than I am.” “Spock, are you telling me your girlfriend is moving too fast for you?” “Reconciling my divergent cultures of origin is complex. The journey is challenging.”

This friendship is deep. He’s opening up about some scary stuff. But he also has the experiences of Spock Amuck to inform him. He’s told her before about the bullying, and she got to see some of the disdain first-hand. She defended him, even. So, he knows that he can talk to her about this without judgment.

“Spock, do you know why it’s fun to be friends with Vulcans? Because Vulcans are honest. Don’t try to be smarter than the truth. That’s what got you in trouble last time.”

I love this. If you recall, T’Pring is trying really hard to be accepting of Spock’s Human side, and each time Christine has reminded him to try addressing T’Pring as a Vulcan. That’s what she’s saying here... not that he has to be a Vulcan to be honest, but that Vulcans are intrinsically honest beings. Leaning into that will help him with T’Pring.

And he knows Christine is right.

��Also, pro tip, pay better attention to me when I’m talking... because?” “You are very charming and I am completely missing it?” “Progress. You’re learning.”

I love this return to flirting. After the weirdness at the end of Spock Amuck, Christine truly believes she’s regained her friendship footing with Spock. He’s clearly parroting back something she once spoke to him (or many times, for all we know), and she’s flashing a flirtatious smile his way in response.

Box achieved. From both their points of view, the rhythm is back and nothing’s going to shake it.

You see where this is going, right? Of course you do. You understand just when a character gets comfortable, it’s time to shake them up somehow.

“I lost the man I love, even if it was to a Vulcan prison, not pirates.” “You stole a Federation ship, and are blackmailing Vulcans for love?”

I love the absolute disdain in Christine’s voice. to her, this is a lot further than she’s ever considered going for love. Then again, Christine bolts before love has a chance to take hold.

“I apologize in advance for any liberties I take. Please follow my lead. “Okay.”

This is that trust I was mentioning before. Christine has no idea what’s in his head, but she’s going along with it.

“I have been giving in to my human side. More so than I wish to admit. I cannot deny the emotions within me any longer. Nurse Chapel and I-”

Christine gets it. She doesn’t get why he’s doing it, but she already told him she was going to follow his lead, so she’s following. She can tell he’s faltering and steps in to help.

Side Note: WHY is he faltering NOW and not earlier in the declaration? Why was he able to get through the rest of that without struggle? I believe because a small part of him knows it’s true. A small part of him is aware of the growing connection between himself and Nurse Chapel. He never would have otherwise admitted it, but it serves the needs of the moment.

“He’s trying to tell you that we’re having an affair.”

The framing is gorgeous. Christine steps alongside Spock, and you can see a confused T’Pring in the center, watching them. There’s the distance of her watching through a screen while Spock and Christine stand nearly shoulder-to-shoulder.

“We’re in love. I’m sorry.”

Angel isn’t buying it. Not for a second.

“No, I...”

Nope. Words aren’t coming. Why aren’t they coming? We can argue that his Vulcan nature is stepping over his human nature, making it difficult to lie. But, rather, I think he doesn’t know how he really feels to even make a declaration, and that’s tripping him up.

That’s why he resorts to physical affection—to showing T’Pring something that might sway her.

Spock awkwardly brings Christine to face him, then leans in to kiss her, thin-lipped. Her hand instinctively rises to his neck, but her eyes remain open. Gotta stay disassociated, Christine. Don’t feel. Don’t feel.

But she feels.

Her eyes close as the kiss deepens. Her right hand shifts from his side to his back, and as it does, everything in Spock shifts.

He can feel her. He can feel her desire for him, and that sends off a cascade of feelings within him. His hands glide over her back, his right hand plunging lower as he shifts from thin lips to open-mouth.

He shifts sides, lips parted, tongue touching hers as she leans up on her toes, hand grabbing tighter around his neck as her brow furrows.

They pull apart slowly, lips parted.

That’s important. At least, it is to me. They entered into this kiss completely thin-lipped, two friends embarking on a mission to deceive. Instead, they exit it more open to one another than they’d anticipated, and the ones they’re deceiving now are each other and themselves...

Their eyes flicker open, and Christine’s come to rest on his lips, processing what just happened. That wasn’t some thin-lipped peck.

There was Spock tongue. Repeat, there was Spock tongue!

Her eyes travel up to meet his, wide and terrified. That felt right. Why did it feel right? It wasn’t supposed to feel right! All the boxes and zones she had in place for Spock are shattered... and she knows it.

Spock’s response is more muted, of course, but it’s there. The way his eyes flicker away and then back, again. He knows that something in him has shifted toward her... something he couldn’t have anticipated.

Spock turns back to the monitor as Christine’s hands awkwardly fall away from his chest. She and Spock can’t look at one another. Her job done, she goes back to her post over his left shoulder while Spock and T’Pring decouple.

“I think there’s more to life than logic... and so, I suspect, do you.”

Watch Angel in that little pause, how their eyes trail to Christine, then back to Spock. I really do worry that’s going to come back to bite them at some point. Much as Angel was able to call Spock’s plan, it’s impossible to watch that kiss and think there was nothing behind it (unless, of course, you’re T’Pring).

“I apologize for the... incident between Nurse Chapel and I.” “Why apologize? It was an impressive gambit...” “You knew?” “Of course. I never actually believed you could have feelings for Nurse Chapel.”

Watch. His. Face.

Because, truthfully, Spock himself isn’t so certain. He wants to be committed to this relationship completely, and has done everything he can to do so. The times he has spent the most time with “Nurse Chapel” have actually been in service to his relationship with T’Pring, whether discussing his relationship or assisting T’Pring’s career during the body-swap.

I honestly think he hadn’t considered having feelings for Christine until T’Pring speaks it. It’s part of my whole theory that words have power. Christine couldn’t tell Ortegas about having a crush on Spock. Spock couldn’t consider having feelings for Christine until someone else said it aloud.

Because he was faced with having to either refute or confirm the assertion, he then had to consider it.

And I don’t think he’d ever considered it before.

“Of course not.”

Oh, sweet baby Vulcan... You’re in denial, my friend.

“Your human side can be a source of strength. There is no way you could have sold the passion of that kiss without it.”

She earnestly believes this. She believes he tapped into some ability to deceive that he had been hiding rather than the truth—he quite accidentally tapped into his human side that he’s been suppressing.

Think about it. He started this episode talking about his reluctance to explore human sexuality. No blaming or shaming here. I’m known as a prude around my friends and family because I’m a demi-sexual who gets SUPER uncomfortable with sex scenes to this day. So, seriously, no judgment!

But he encounters human sexuality in a subtle way with that kiss... and I doubt he expected himself to respond in the way that he did. I doubt he’s ever actually kissed a human before... and when he felt Christine’s response to him, something in him responded to her.

That passion wasn’t an act. But, he’s willing to let T’Pring (and, to a degree, himself) believe it. I don’t think he truly wishes to deceive his fiancée in this moment. Rather, he wants to believe what she’s saying. It’s simpler if he can be a half Vulcan/half Human who has the ability to lie about feeling anything for Nurse Chapel rather than... really feeling what he feels.

That’s messy. That’s complicated.

“Thank you. You know me well.”

I feel like this is... a wish. Because, if she truly knows him well, then what she is saying is truth and he can believe it. He can trust it. He can ignore the part of him that’s questioning everything.

But, as so many have pointed out... he doesn’t even know himself.

“I came here to thank you and applaud your performance on the Bridge.”

Watch Christine... she has a nice little rhythm with what she’s doing, but as soon as she hears his voice, her pacing slowed. She had hoped she’d avoid this talk. I mean, it took her several chances with Dever to finally be open and honest with him about not wanting to be with him... THIS is not her strong suit—talking about her own feelings.

“I thought because you are human you might need to discuss your feelings.”

When I was a little girl, I didn’t like to ask for my mother’s time. She was a hair and makeup artist in the film industry and always working. When she was home, she was exhausted and often on edge... as a single mother of two young kids, she had a lot to handle. So, I never told her when I needed to talk to her about something.

I’d ask her if she needed to talk. “Momma, do you need to talk?”

I see the same thing here in Spock. Yes, he does think that she needs to talk, but he’s using it as a cover for the fact that he really needs to talk, too.

As I said, I think when T’Pring said it was impossible for Spock to have feelings for Christine, he actually had to consider if he did... and was left confused. Even the phrasing here, “your feelings” echoes back to T’Pring’s verbiage.

“Spock, like I said earlier, I like Vulcans. I know where I stand with you. You’re an honest man. You’re not the guy who would chase after another woman while you have a girlfriend. So I know for certain there’s no feeling between us.”

Some have argued the Christine put Spock in the “Vulcan box” with this speech, but I disagree. Yes, she references their earlier conversation and leans into the inherently truthful nature of Vulcans. But then she says, “You’re an honest man.”

The term “Man” is not typically used to describe a Vulcan. I went on a whole research binge on gender and Vulcans. While there are names that traditionally had a male or female gender connotation, those conventions do not hold across canon.

Plus, we’ve been told in canon that TRUE Vulcan names are almost impossible for non-Vulcans to pronounce, even with the help of Universal Translators. So, these names that we’ve come to know them by are not even their given Vulcan names.

Merriam-Webster defines “man” as “an adult male human being.“

Human.

So, in her speech, she is actually acknowledging both parts of him and pulling them into the whole—a person who she will not let out of the friend-zone.

It’s not so much about defining him as it is about defining where they stand. We have already seen that Christine is fiercely loyal to her friends, and with that comes a sort of trust that she refuses to break, let alone let another break it.

Spock has trusted Christine with a great deal, and she has trusted him as well. And now they must trust one another not to overstep boundaries that must stay in place... for so many reasons.

“I’m glad to hear it. You know me well.”

This is the echo of what he told T’Pring, likely because he hears reflected back to him what he wanted to hear—there’s nothing between them. He wants to believe these two women know him better than he knows himself... because he struggles so much with knowing who he is on his own.

Eventually, he’s going to have to stop relying on other people to tell him who he is, and find a way to reconcile all the pieces of himself into... Spock. But, that’s a topic for another blog!

“You’re a good friend, Mr. Spock.” “As are you, Nurse Chapel.”

She puts up that friend-zone firmly, even going so far as to step into formalities. And from her point of view, he seems to get the message, as he answers back in kind.

“Spock, one last thing.”

And in the next breath, she’s fallen back into the informal and he comes running when she calls. No, it’s not a sign of “oh my GOSH they’re going to FALL INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS and MAKE LOVE ON THE FLOOR OF SICKBAY”. I’m not deluded. But it does show how easy it is for them to trust one another. There’s no hesitation.

“You said that on the Bridge you suddenly realized the identity of the prisoner that Angel was trying to free.”

This is where that trust comes in, again. Spock answers her freely. He holds nothing back. He shares with her intimate details of his own family by telling her about his brother.

Because, no matter what is going on between these two, they have tightly woven a cord of trust. That’s the foundation. That’s the basis. They trust one another explicitly.

“Lieutenant Duke. He did not account for potential instabilities in the Jeffries Tube.” “Duke wasn’t paying attention.” “Indeed.”

Two episodes later and we get a few small interactions at the beginning of the episode (and an important one at the end), but I love the subtlety of this one. We saw in the previous scene that Christine is more than willing to be his guide through Human culture (the drinking game) while everyone else just ignored his confusion.

Here, Spock is able to talk in a manner that Christine automatically understands what he really means. She understands him on a very deep level, and a small interaction like that really shows it.

“I understand that, uh, Vulcans have a strong, hidden primal nature. I bet you’re a tempest when you’re angry.”

Of course, this whole conversation is to set up Spock’s arc in this episode... what happens when he lets out a little emotion? A little anger? A little rage?

“It is true without proper mindfulness Vulcan emotion is dangerous. We use logic to not succumb to anger.” “It’s good to get mad sometimes.”

This reminds me so strongly of T’Pol from Enterprise. While my least favorite Star Trek series of those I’ve seen, T’Pol and Trip held a very special place in my heart both apart and as a couple. Her journey of trying to more deeply understand pure Vulcan emotion was incredible to watch. But, like Spock, letting out that first little bit was incredibly dangerous.

From everything I understand of Vulcans, they are taught to suppress emotions... not how to handle them, how to work through them, how to work with them. Spock is half human, too, so he’s got a wide array of emotions and hormones, no doubt, to deal with.

The loss of Hemmer is too much for him.

“The people you love the most can cause you the most pain. But it’s the people you love that can mend your heart when you feel broken. That’s what Hemmer’s purpose was. To fix what is broken. And he did.”

Spock has been standing there struggling with his emotions, clenching and unclenching his fists. Christine can see it... that he’s on the edge.

When he peels out of there, she follows. The rage bursting inside (and thinking he’s alone), he slams a fist into the bulkhead.

“Spock!” “Do not follow me.” “What’s going on?” “I’m warning you, back off!”

She raises a hand to his shoulder, but as it connects he grabs it away. He freezes, his hand around her wrist. Christine looks down at her hand, then back up to Spock.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

I love the emphasis... It’s on “me”. Because, this isn’t just anyone asking. It’s her. It’s the woman he has trusted with so much in such a short time. It’s the woman who has never judged him and won’t judge him now. It’s HER asking.

“I can’t control it.”

And in an instant, without hesitation, he tells her. It spills out of him without stops or sputters. It’s a truth he doesn’t want to carry... but more than that, I think he desperately doesn’t want to carry it alone.

Spock has the distinction of being the only of his kind... a half Human, half Vulcan raised on Vulcan with the expectations of being a “good little Vulcan”. This is not how a good little Vulcan behaves.

“I’ve let something out Rage. Pain.” “It’s your emotions.” “My mind has gotten weak.”

And there it is. “I’m broken.” “I’m wrong.” “I’m not good enough.” It’s all there. All these perceptions of who he is supposed to be and how he is supposed to act. He’s not supposed to give into his human side. He’s not supposed to feel.

But he’s feeling.

“No. No.”

She reaches for his face with both hands, and you can see how he tenses and start to pull away from the touch. But as the second hand lands, he settles into it.

“It doesn’t make you weak, Spock. It makes you human.”

That’s a terrifying thought. And while some say, “Oh, now she’s trying to put him in the human box!” I don’t feel that way. When I see this, it’s more her saying that it’s not wrong. It’s simply a part of him... the part of him that’s human.

That’s what she’s trying to say... You aren’t broken, Spock. You aren’t wrong. You are good enough. This is what it is to be human. We feel things. BIG things, sometimes. And that’s okay.

She pulls him into her arms, using the power of an embrace to communicate caring. She did the same with Uhura earlier in the episode as Hemmer delivered his final words of advice. Now, she pulls Spock against her, both of her arms winding under his.

He stand there a moment, caught between his two worlds. But the longer he stands with her, the more he feels something else.

Comfort.

Spock’s eyes drift closed as he soaks in the feeling, nestling his cheek against Christine’s. His arms lift to wrap around her, settling as he leans in against her, eyes fully closed. He rests in the embrace. He rests in the feelings running through him.

Not feeling of rage or pain... but of warmth. The kind of warmth that comes from loving acceptance and caring.

They pull apart. As they do, their eyes flicker up to meet one another’s. Then, Christine’s flash to his lips and his follow to hers. Her eyes trail back up to his eyes... but his gaze is locked on her lips.

She realizes it, and as she does, he peels away... leaving her standing alone in the corridor.

Because his emotions are still close to the surface... all of them. And those emotions from Serene Squall that he’s been trying to convince himself were part of a deception aren’t as easy to push down when Pandora’s Box of emotions is cracked open.

And she knows it. She knows that look, even if she’s never seen it before on his face. She wants desperately to be his friend and him to be hers... but there are undercurrents that are growing more undeniable as time passes.

"Massive cerebral trauma. Major blood loss. Spinal fractures. Radiation burns across 40% of his body. I’m not sure that he will recover from this. But if he does... he will not be the same.”

Speaking of time passing... in the flash-forward “What if” finale, we get a glimpse of a stricken Christine frozen over the near-corpse of Spock. We don’t know what has transpired between them, but there’s obviously still caring. There’s obviously still concern.

A Sickbay full of people and she’s frozen over his bed, holding it together, but clearly distraught.

We know that’s not the future for this duo... and we know the weight of canon that implies they never find their way to one another. But, however long this journey is, it’s a joy to watch.

Ethan Peck and Jess Bush have effortless chemistry, bolstered by smart script choices and elegant directing. This season of Strange New Worlds has been a masterpiece, in this humble Trekkie’s opinion.

For context, my Freshman year of College my final persuasive speech was a 10 minute effort about why people should give Star Trek a watch... I aced it. So, this gal’s a hardcore fan.

And I’m definitely a fan of these iterations of Spock and Christine Chapel.

I’ve seen some people whine on the internet about Christine Chapel... “Who is she except a Spock love interest?“

Who else is Christine Chapel? Christine Chapel is a nurse. She is a brilliant scientist who is even interested in medieval medicine, which involves sewing people back together. She is part of an incredible initiative at the cutting edge of science to help with protecting First Contact protocols.

Her attitude is a mixture of devil-may-care and I-care-too-much with a dash of did-she-really-just-say-that. She’s not a gossip, but she does love to talk and listen.

She is incredibly competent on her own in the medical field, but also an amazing support for Dr. M’Benga. Trust me. I’ve had so many surgeries I’ve learned to watch the nurses and assistants. She’s an incredible assistant, quick on her feet, and often moving in complete rhythm with Dr. M’Benga without him having to ask.

She grew up bullied and took comfort in her pet, a welcome companion. She’s had many lovers of her choosing, and she’s afraid of commitment and relationships. Though, she shows a great understanding of what a relationship should look like, which makes me believe she grew up seeing what it shouldn’t look like. Trust me. I have first-hand experience on that one.

She is a caretaker, always asking how people are (La’an in All Those Who Wander). She’ll be the one giving you a hug (Uhura and Spock in All Those Who Wander). And she’ll let you talk when you need to talk it out. Christine is a good friend who is desperate to trust even as she is terrified to do so.

She’ll help carry your bags without being asked (Spock Amuck), and she’ll go on long walks in nature to talk about life (like with Ortegas). She can totally kick *ss with nothing but a hypospray (Serene Squall). And she is willing to join Starfleet’s cause to boldly go.

I see some of myself in her, so maybe that makes me more drawn to her and her story.

I know they’ve wrapped shooting Season 2, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us. If it’s anything like Season 1, then we’re all definitely in for a treat!

As always, thanks for reading! All the best to you and yours.

#Star Trek Strange New Worlds #Strange New Worlds #Ethan Peck #Jess Bush #Spock #Chapel #Nurse Chapel #christine chapel #ST:SNW #SNW #Star Trek: Strange New Worlds #Spapple #Spock x Chapel #Star Trek

[ladysternchen]

Betrayal- Wronged

Prompt #2: The Sleuth. Your character learns something shocking. When you decide what it will be, you can open the next prompt.

“Have you heard me, Lúthien?”  She jerked out of her daydreams, noting the heat creeping up her cheeks. Couldn’t it have been anyone else but her father who found her so deeply in thought about Beren that she had not noticed anything around her. She looked rather guiltily up at Elu, who gazed back at her gravely. “No. I am sorry, my mind wandered.” She knew something was very off when her father did not return her smile, and was confirmed in her suspicions by the austerity in his tone when he answered. “Clearly. If you can spare me a moment, I should like a word with you.” “Since when do you ask my time as if it were an audience?” Lúthien asked, bewildered. Her father, however, did not answer, instead gesturing her towards the edge of one of the many fountains that played within Menegroth. They sat down on the rim, and Lúthien bathed her hand in the cool water, greeting the spring like a living thing, a pet dear to her. The King still said no word but watched her quietly, until Lúthien could no longer bear it. “You’re frightening me, Ada!” she said at last, leaning her head against his shoulder, or rather attempting to, for he held her off. Lúthien stared at him. Never before had he dejected her in her showing her affection.  “You frighten me, too, Lúthien.” he said quietly instead. A cold dread settled in the pit of Lúthen’s stomach at those words, and at the sincerity she sensed behind them. Whatever could have befallen to have him act like that? “How so?” “You spend a lot of time in the woods of late.” Lúthien inwardly flinched. But he couldn’t possibly know about Beren. “I do so every summer, Ada… since when does that cause you any concern?” That’s none of your business, was what she had really wanted to say, and she would have done had not her father seemed so unusually grave.  “You are right, of course. What you do at you leisure is indeed nothing to concern me… but if Doriath’s law, my law is broken, it is my concern.” There was a strange rushing sound in Lúthien’s ears now. He knows, she thought, and fear flooded her body.  “What do you mean?” was all she could get herself to say, desperately playing for time. He bowed his head, contemplating his own hands. “I think you know…” he said quietly at last. “…but if you want me to, I’ll tell you. Daeron came to see me…” Lúthien did not need to hear any more, and her heart ached. Daeron. Her dearest friend. How could he have done her such wrong? The King seemed to notice that Lúthien was not listening anymore, and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t. Please. How could he?” But her father only shook his head sadly. “Don’t go blaming Daeron. He was caught between his loyalty to his friend and that to his king, and his concern for your welfare has tipped the scale in my favour. But how could you, Lúthien? Men are not permitted into Doriath, you know that full well…” She laughed, an entirely mirthless laugh that more resembled a snort. “Ha… no, I never heard of such a thing. It’s not like you remind everyone who would listen of how much you hate the Second-born…” Elu did not react to her taunt in any way, which made Lúthien all the angrier. If they indeed needed to have this fight (and truth be told, she had known deep down that it would come to this ever since she had fallen in love with Beren), then she wanted her father to at least make as much of a fool of himself as possible. “I do not hate them, as I do not spare them as passionate a feeling as hate, I mistrust them, hence my laws.” “And it doesn’t make you consider one bit that a man passed through the Girdle? Does that not tell you anything? Do you mistrust your own wife if…” “That is quite enough, Lúthien.” he said, and though he had spoken those words without heat, Lúthien knew that she had really crossed a line there. Well, if you don’t like me jumping to unjust conclusions, don’t do it to me, either. Keep your nose out of my love life, then I’ll keep my nose out of your’s, she thought viciously, and perhaps her wrath showed on her face, for her father again reached out a placatory hand. “Just… just tell me who he is?” “No.”  Lúthien was adamant in this. She needed to know that Beren was somewhere safe before she told anyone anything, and however much her father pleaded with her to tell him -in everything between desperation and anger-, she did not yield. At last he gave her a long, scrutinising look, then said with a sigh: “Alright. I swear to you an oath that I will not harm your… lover, nor imprison him. He walks safe and free. Will you now tell me who he is?” A vivid image of herself, Daeron, Galathil and Celeborn sitting scowling before their parents came into her mind.  Just tell us what happened, we won’t get angry… She almost laughed at the memory. “I honour your oath, Adar, and I trust you to keep it. Give me until tomorrow to explain to you and Nana. Alright?” She needed to find her mother, to talk to her. She would understand, and certainly would have a solution? Why Lúthien had not thought of asking Melian for advise before she did not know herself. Only that for such prudent a move it was now too late.  

#silmarillion fanfiction #silmarillion writers' guild June challenge #secret gate #matryoshka #the tale of beren and lúthien #lúthien tinúviel #elu thingol #doriath #betrayal #wronged #chapter two

[cabinofimagines]

Holi-days ten; Leo Valdez vs your ghost of relationship past

A/N: Personally my family doesn’t compare me to other people but bOY are they obsessed with love lives -Danny

Pairing: PLATONIC Leo Valdez x gn!reader 

Words: 2,017 (Yes I still love Leo more than the rest I won’t apologize)

Warnings: Fake dating. I’ll try to make the interactions as platonic as possible. He’s committed to the bit.

<- prev - mlist    

“I’m begging you, do not answer more than what the question needs,” you begged Leo while getting closer to your parent’s house. “Otherwise we’ll be tripping in lies.”

“Stop underestimating my talents,” he scoffed. “I can keep up with the lie, it’s you who worries me, you’re a shitty liar under pressure.”

“I am not!”

“Not with our friends, but everyone folds in front of their parents. It’s okay though, I don’t know any of these people so I can lie, I just need you to tell me who your ex is so I don’t fuck up.”

“Name’s Gil, you’ll know who it is as soon as we enter, it’s like a children-magnet, puppy-charmer.”

Leo gave you a confused look. “That tells me nothing.”

“Trust me,” your gaze darkened. “You’ll know.”

Leo knocked on the door because your hands were full with presents and food for the party, when the door opened it was your uncle who welcomed you in.

“Y/N/N!” He smiled, but before you could even step in, his eyes landed on Leo and his entire face lit up at the sight of a new character. “You brought someone!”

“Hi, I’m Leo,” your friend reached for the older man’s hand. Was it your imagination, or was his voice slightly deeper than moments before? “I’m Y/N’s boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend!” Your uncle pulled Leo in, leaving you at the door, ignored and struggling to carry everything you’d brought with you. “Everyone, Y/N’s here with a boyfriend!”

Several voices came from the living room, the first people to show up were your cousins and aunts. Your youngest cousin squealed in excitement and beamed at Leo as if he were a guy straight out of her favorite novels.

He was wrapped in a conversation with your cousins, and since they were the least annoying of the whole group, you decided he was safe at the moment, and you made your way to the kitchen.

“Hi..?” Your parent welcomed you in with open arms, smiling at you like it’d been years since your last reunion. Sometimes it felt like that. 

“Y/N! Let me give you a hand...”

As you both placed everything you were carrying on the large table, your parent glanced at you with a little grin. 

“Did I hear right? You brought a boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, hoping it looked confident. “He’s in the living room, do you wanna meet him?”

“Sure, but just so you know,” you walked out of the kitchen together, lowering your voices. “Gil’s in the living room too, so this is gonna be a little awkward.”

You tried to keep your smile on your face, Gil was about to go down. “It’s okay, we’re all grown-ups, right?”

Although you weren’t feeling that grown right now, you were back in your teens desperately trying to get Gil to look your way, even if this time around it was for completely opposite reasons.

You didn’t understand why things had gone down the way they did, I mean, Gil was the stranger in this situation, and yet your family had always fawned over your friend. You’ve met in middle school, way before you’d fully submerged into the demigod life, so you could say back then you were the same. 

Then you started to grown, and you started to like each other a bit too much, and suddenly Gil was your first kiss, your first prom date, and then in college you sorta fell out of love, mostly because you were never around (demigods are never when you most need them and always where they least should be) and you broke up, but at first it was okay.

Sure, you’ve always been a little annoyed during the relationship because everyone was always pointing out how little you were there and how Gil was always doing everything for you and then some. How Gil was amazing at handling school, work, and your relationship. Then you broke up, and it just got worse, because now Gil was in a relationship with your whole family, and you were perpetually third-wheeling.

“Y/N, there you are!” Leo showed up at the living room’s entrance, finding your hand and intertwining your fingers. “Is this..?”

“This is my parent, Y/P/N,” you gracefully pulled Leo closer. “This is my boyfriend, Leo Valdez, he’s from my summer job.”

Your parent knew well what your summer job was, but you would call it that way when the rest of the family was present to avoid awkward conversations as to why on earth were you still going to your childhood summer camp.

“Nice to meet you, Leo,” they shook hands briefly, but something in your parent’s eyes gave you the icky feeling that the lies weren’t that solid.

When Gil and Leo first interacted there was nothing dramatic to it, Leo was surprisingly casual and natural, so was Gil. However, you could notice the little things and you were living for them.

At some point while talking about jobs and what not, your aunt mentioned Gil’s newest promotion and pointed out that your job seemed to be a little harder than your ex’s, considering how long it was taking you to move up.

Leo was quick to intervene.

“Oh, that’s gotta be my fault,” he sighed, “I have this charity organization that travels across the country and Y/N helps me from time to time, so they have to work from home often— of course it’s an advantage that Y/N’s friends with the boss, and we can always tell her about our trips so she can give Y/N the week.”

“I keep telling Leo he’s got no fault in this, I’m happy to help,” you smiled big, delighted with his performance. “But yeah, my boss was Leo’s teacher in college and she holds him in great esteem, I’m lucky he’s such a man of the people.”

Gil glanced at you briefly from across the table, but you pretended not to notice.

“So auntie,” you continued. “What about your son? Is he graduating High school at last?”

Leo choked on his drink, but he managed to turn away before your aunt could notice.

“No way.”

“I swear.”

“No, there’s no way you’re the one who designed that new rollercoaster at the San Francisco fair— that thing’s amazing!”

“For a change it’s the first attraction where I don’t feel like it’s so terribly built I could die at any moment.”

“That’s cause I’m good at my job,” Leo said proudly. “No but seriously, that’s something I made with my mom, she’s crazy good at building that kind of structures, and my little sister’s a fan of rollercoasters, so...”

You locked eyes with Leo and winked at him, he had all of your cousins wrapped around his pinky, and your aunts were slowly melting at his apparently selfness nature, he had tons of stories from his time helping the youths and then some more about this camp where he counseled the little kids.

Only the uncles were a little unimpressed, but you had the feeling it was closer to jealousy, Leo was really checking all the boxes of a model citizen and your uncles... were, most of them always left things to be desired.

As for Gil... Gil seemed to be enjoying Leo almost as much as everyone else, and you weren’t sure of how to feel about that. If you were honest, however, this whole rivalry thing you had going on... it was pretty much just you, fighting against the made-up expectations you felt you had to cover.

Talking about the devil, Gil finally got up and approached you, smiling from ear to ear.

“Leo’s fantastic.”

“I know, right?” You beamed. “Can’t believe he agreed to come— I mean, that he had time to visit.”

Gil looked at you funnily, but if something sounded wrong about your story, it was never brought up.

“You know, I’ve been worried about you.”

You frowned. “What?”

“Yeah I mean, your family is amazing, but I don’t know... ever since we started college— god, even before college, at some point you just... grew distant. It felt like there was something keeping you, and I thought that breaking up was the best idea...”

“I broke up with you,” you said defensively.

“Yeah, well I let it happen,” Gil brushed it off. “But you didn’t get better, and I felt awful cause I thought I’d left you alone to deal with whatever it was you were dealing, but I was wrong...”

Gil turned and nodded at Leo with a warm smile.

“I’m glad to see you’ve been in good hands.”

Leo looked way too comfortable with your family, but looking at him made you think of everyone else. Gil couldn’t understand, would never understand why you’d left everyone out of your life— but your camp friends understood. 

They knew you better than anyone ever could, they were willing to travel and disregard their own holiday plans only to back you up against the worst enemy of all: blood relatives.

 You smiled at the thought, nodding a little. “Yeah, I’m quite lucky, aren’t I?”

“Hi again,” Leo nudged your arm. “Been a long night, right?”

“Could’ve been worse, honestly,” you sighed, returning the nudge. “Thank you for coming, you really didn’t have to. I could’ve just lied.”

“Yeah but I wanted to come, to be honest is like good practice for when I actually meet my actual partner’s family. What reminds me... what are you gonna say to them if they ask about me again?”

You snorted. “What makes you think I’m letting you go so quickly? I hope you’re ready for the long run, cause we have a fake wedding to plan.”

Leo laughed. “How about just marrying for real? If I die you get my life insurance and if you die I get yours!”

“If we’re both single by thirty we marry?” You joked.

“Yes!” He put an arm around your shoulders. “See? Great minds think alike.”

You snorted, elbowing him playfully. “I talked to Gil a while ago.”

Leo’s mouth fell open, he got a little too excited. “Don’t tell me Gil tried to get you back?!”

“No no,” you rolled your eyes. “Don’t be like that, is not that kind of gossip.”

“Ah damn, I was so ready to make a scene,” Leo sighed. “What did you talk about, then?”

You briefly told him the whole story, and at the end Leo tilted his head, a funny look in his eyes.

“Huh. Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Really?”

“Well, dating mortals is not easy,” Leo shrugged. “Especially if you’re not willing to tell them the truth. I guess that from outside, it does look like we’re just a bunch of depressed and secretive people. Gil’s right, none of them can really help you out with your olympic struggles, but you have us for that, so it’s okay.”

“So... you’re saying I’ll die alone?”

Around you, everyone started the countdown to the New Year, Leo grabbed two drinks and handed you one of them.

“C’mon, Y/N L/N won’t die alone. You’re too cool for that. And if everything else fails, you have me to play your handsome fiance for the next...” he squinted, “two years? You better get to work, otherwise you’ll be stuck with me forever.”

“I could say the same to you,” you grinned.

“FIVE... FOUR... THREE...”

“Meh, could be worse, honestly,” he admitted, putting an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer. He’d noticed your aunties were watching the two of you from afar.

“TWO... ONE!”

Fireworks could be heard in the distance, the “Happy new year!” choir came from all over the house, hugs were exchanged around you, and Leo planted a loud and dramatic kiss on your cheek.

“Happy New year, baby,” he said out loud in the cheesiest voice he could muster.

You cringed, but luckily enough managed to do most of the suffering on the inside.

“Happy New Year... babe.”

Leo laughed, ruffling your hair and kissing your cheek once more, for your grandma’s sake.

#Danny's writing #pjo fanfic #hoo imagine #xmas 2022 #leo valdez x reader

[feederandfeedee]

I saw some other dating related asks so I hope it’s okay if i shoot you with one as well! I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for a few months now and I want to open up to him about my sexual desires as a feedee. I am a bigger girl, undoubtedly fat, and he’s said he likes that. He thinks my chubby arms are cute, and he’s called me plump in a sultry sort of way. I know he likes my body and my size, he doesn’t mind when I eat a little too much, and I’ve asked him to play with and squeeze my belly during foreplay and when we’re cuddling because I like it. I don’t think it would weird him out too intensively or scare him away, but it still makes me nervous to bring up the whole feederism aspect. Any advice on how to go about doing so? Thanks so much, I love your content! ❤️

Let me just start off by saying your bf sounds like a sweetheart and I can only hope that your relationship gets stronger by you opening up to him! I answer questions like these all the time so you might see some similar ideas mentioned in my other asks. But honestly I love answering these questions cause I want as many people to experience the joys of feedism irl as possible💓

So I would suggest really focusing on what it is you want your boyfriend to take away from the conversation.

•Do you want him to know that you identify as a feedee and what that means?

•Do you want him to know more about the types of kinks you have and how to turn things up in the bedroom?

•Do you want him to actively participate in your fetish as a feeder or encourager?

•Do you want to gain weight and in turn, want him to be accepting of that?

All of the above?

If you answered yes to 1 of those questions then let me know which and I’ll divulge my tips for handling that specific subject. But more than likely I think you probably answered yes to more than one of those questions.

So take it slow. You may have to break this conversation up into pieces so that it’s more palatable for him. Start with informing him about feedism. There’s a chance he has no idea what feedism is (or if he does, he might have an inaccurate idea of the kink). I would come prepared to the first conversation only after having researched feedism a little more and with a pre-filled out copy of the jar of kinks. The jar of kinks is helpful because it shows a lot of the different aspects of feedism but also helps him understand the aspects you’re into. Also I would suggest that you write a list of things that he’s done in the past that have “scratched” that feedism itch you have. Make it known that he turns you on regardless of your other kinks.

Personally I recommend that when planning for this conversation, it’s best to try and “butter your partner up.” How important is this to you? Is it really important that your bf accept these new details about you? Then put forth some effort into your night and partner when you want to have this conversation. Invite him on a date over dinner. Make him dinner. Set the scene so that he thinks “wow this conversation must be important because she bought me flowers, or paid for my meal, or did something she doesn’t do very often”.

Lastly always prepare for a negative reaction. I’m not saying that he will react negatively but you never know. Coming out of the fat closet to a boyfriend can be shocking for both of you and it’s important not only for him to be understanding of you, but also you of him. Make him feel loved and appreciated no matter what. You’re opening up not because you’re desperate to bring feedism into the relationship but because you want to bring him into the deepest and most vulnerable part of yourself.

Good luck!

#askfeed

[yukidragon]

How far do you think Ian could go to get us back?

Ok, I know you have already written many scenarios where Ian loses his sanity and tries to get closer to M/C but seeing more there is... do you think that Yandre Ian could be worse than Jack?

Apart from that I saw a post where someone made a hypothetical scenario where Shaun stays with M/C and they start a family, only for Ian to show up...in that hypothetical scenario, How far do you think Ian or Yandre Ian would come?

It’s hard to say for sure how far Ian is going to go to try and get back together with MC in the game. So far, he’s resorted to making numerous phone calls, leaving a ton of voice mails, stalking their socials, talking about past memories in an uncomfortably manipulative way, swearing he’ll fix things, making promises, and he has a plan to “fix” things that involves his new job with a starring role in a kids show.

While I did theorize that all the love interests in the game are yandere for MC, it’s admittedly not a theory that has much in the way of evidence. It’s mostly a “wouldn’t that be cool and these things might foreshadow it” sort of theory. It’s hard to say for sure how far Ian will go, even if this teaser gives some yandere vibes. For all we know, he won’t go that far.

That being said, I am still inclined towards this theory, if only because I think it would be very interesting. I think a yandere character can be taken in many different directions, as there’s more than one way to be love sick to an unhealthy degree. (I still need to get that post dissecting the yandere trope done, but, alas, I am easily distracted by rambling about Jack headcanons.)

Jack is canonically a softcore yandere. He has stated he can’t and won’t do anything his sunshine doesn’t want. It seems as though he supernaturally is unable to do anything without MC’s consent. There’s limitations in place for how far he’ll go when it comes to MC.

The same wouldn’t necessarily be true for another yandere.

I think if Ian is a yandere, it’s hard to say just how far he’ll go exactly. I wrote a what if where he poisoned Shaun due to that one yandere AU picture Sauce drew where he was covered in blood and holding a bottle of (presumably) poison.

Given the nature of the game, I doubt any yandere character is going to go as far as non-consent. I certainly don’t want to go there in any of my headcanons either. So while they are technically capable of that, from a meta perspective, there’s a hard limit on how far they’ll go there.

A yandere is someone who is not well mentally. Their feelings of love for someone have taken to an unhealthy extreme. This can be taken in a lot of directions, so it really comes down to your preferred flavor of yandere, I suppose.

For me personally, I think a yandere Ian would probably go as far as the what if scenario I wrote, not being intentionally violent against MC, but going to desperate lengths to have them back. Given how rough he is with MC when it comes to sex, he could make assumptions about his advances, but given too how apologetic he is, I think it’s entirely possible even in his most yandere mindset, he’d genuinely regret making MC uncomfortable with, say, an unwanted kiss.

A yandere Ian might even apologize for slaughtering other people in order to “fix” things between them.

It would be kind of twisted for a yandere to do some unspeakable acts of violence, only to cry and apologize afterwards... but still be willing to do more in order to keep the one they love. It kind of fits Ian to be this sort of yandere given what we’ve seen of him so far.

I doubt I’ll go as far as Ian poisoning someone in Sunshine in Hell though, even if I do follow through with the yandere route with him. I’m still deciding on the exact flavor of yandere for each love interest, but, in the end, it’s hard for me to not want to give these characters a happy ending. Sure it might be bittersweet that Ian and Alice can’t reconcile, but sometimes that’s how things go.

With a non-yandere Ian, I can imagine him seeing MC move on with someone new is going to break his heart, but he can only hopelessly regret the relationship he ruined, knowing it’s all his fault that things ended the way they did.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore  

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask

[anonymous-tals]

So, it’s obvious that leaving their parents is what the Bluth siblings(Gob, Michael, Lindsay and Buster) need to do to improve. And, you, imagined audience member, may look at them throughout the show and think, “Why don’t they just leave their family?” Well, imagined audience member, I’ll tell you.

It would’ve taken a lot of strength for any of the siblings to leave. They’d have to confront their parents and risking more abusive vitriol being spat their way is something they have learned to try and avoid. Over and over, “deserved” or undeserved, they are berated. They’ve experienced emotional and verbal abuse their whole lives and they all are no match for their parents’ manipulation. They’d have to stay strong in their position and not succumb to their comments. Making it through victorious wouldn’t be an easy feat. We see Michael, who seems(and probably technically is) to be the most functional and well adjusted of the siblings, succumbing to the need for approval that’s been programmed into them all over the years. He gets the closest out of all of them to escaping and is the most well equipped to try and take on this challenge and yet he still fails to ever leave his family for good, alway coming back(until the finale, I like to believe he fully leaves then). And, even if they just left without saying anything, where would they go? Whether they confronted their parents or just left without a word, sure, they’d be free but they also now have no family, no friends, no money, no place to live, no job, no life skills and a lifetime of trauma they have no clue how to properly deal with weighing down on them during every waking moment. That’s not something one could easily accomplish and survive.

And, to clarify, this isn’t to excuse the behavior of the Bluth siblings. Their parents’ abuse doesn’t absolve them of all the wrong things they’ve done. What I am saying is that this scenario isn’t an easy fix. The Bluth siblings are children of manipulative people who use the trauma they gave their kids against them for their own benefit. Leaving the family would mean going out on their own with no support system whatsoever and they all need much more than just a friend and a stable job. Like, they all need so, so, so, so, so much therapy. Without some kind of support, I don’t think it would be possible or, at the very least, it would be immensely challenging to rebuild on their own(Michael probably could but I think he would struggle a lot if he were to truly never come back).

Like, for example, Gob is incredibly desperate for his father’s approval. He goes to great lengths in the hope that maybe now his dad will love him. Even with how poorly he’s treated, he always prioritized his father over everyone else and would sabotage anything good he had if it meant possibly making his father proud(nothing ever did). Gob stays in that constant cycle until we get to season five. The only time we see Gob willing to finally, truly leave his family is when he has the hope of escaping with Tony. He tells Tony how he would want to hit the road and run off together. He’d be leaving with someone; and that someone being a person who loves and supports him. Once he has someone who can counteract that little voice telling him he can never be loved and that he’s a failure and that his parents will hate him forever if he does this so he better stop, he’s able to find the courage and strength to want to leave. A character so desperate to drop everything for even the smallest amount of positive acknowledgment from his parents and entirely firm in his unwillingness to give up the chance at being loved by people who would never give him anything even close, once with a person who would support him, was brave enough to fight to wriggle free from his parent’s oppressive reign in spite the trauma that still had him in it’s grasp; now, held a little less tightly.

All the Bluth siblings, to some extent, are aware that their parents treat them badly. As oblivious as some of them may seem, deep down, they know that they get treated poorly. Or, at the very least, they know that, in their current state, they’re perpetually unhappy. Over and over, we see them realize(Buster much less so)that they’ve fallen to their parents manipulation yet again, even when they attempt to go beyond it. There are a lot of times where we get to see how much they really are affected; seeing past the wall(or the sheer curtain) they all put up to try and protect themselves and repress and ignore the problems and matters that lay behind it(once again, with Buster, it’s much less, but he has his moments). As awful as their parents may be and as awful it feels to stay, this family is all they have. Even though it’s been nothing but terrible for them and their mental wellbeing, at least it’s something they know. It’s familiar as opposed to great unknown that would lay ahead of them if they were to leave. Escaping would be hard and possibly cause even more scarring AND now their parents will truly never love them(not that they would’ve if they stayed) or stop loving them(not that they ever truly did) so why risk putting themselves in even more pain than they’re already in? Why risk the chance that they might end up floundering even more than they are now? And, ya know, maybe their parents are right. You gotta stay in the family! You have to support the family! And, if they leave and realize that it was a mistake, they might never be welcomed back so maybe it’s worth it just to stay. It’s not that they’re taking the easy way out by not confronting their problems(which they obviously do need to do). They’re taking the safe way, doing all they can to survive under the expectations put upon them and avoid being subjected to even more abuse from their awful parents. When they try and stand up for themselves, it almost certainly sentences themselves to more abhorrent treatment, the confrontation not even guaranteed to lead them anywhere and, if it’s does, might not lead anywhere good. In the Bluth family, it seems a lot more worth it to suffer in silence than rock the boat.

#another day another arrested development essay written #arrested development #the bluths #gob bluth #michael bluth #lindsay bluth #buster bluth #george bluth sr. #lucille bluth

[anonymeqaupdates]

Chapter 38 thoughts

Man I been waiting for this chapter for so long and it is worth and can't for the next one. No wonder why it took long, I assume it is because of work but I love the chapter right now.

Ruggie is lucky majority of them forgive him, he would have deal with his entire school year being the one to causes this. (Although i hope Jamil gets his comeuppance) Hope Ruggie is okay given that he is crucial to stopping Azul in chapter 3.

Okay Deuce dealing with his friends is both hilarious and sad. The fact majority of thinking it is perverted thing to do (which it is) led to many misunderstanding. I wonder how the Savanaclaw wrap up arc will end given how the situation is still conflicted.

Man Azul has been through alot that I am looking forward for chapter 3 especially how Jamil will be more involved in him. I can imagine Azul will be more unhinged than last time as he is showing more distrust to everyone and being paranoid, even he couldn't tell what Jamil is up in his head. Tweels needed to tell the impenending doom group (I forgot the name) about Azul before it is too late (Although unlikely) I get they are trying to stop his overblot but they are doing what Leona did by not telling them which will lead to someone getting an overblot.

I also think of any suspects of who will get poisoned: Tweels (the people that Azul hurts the most when they kept secrets), Yuu, Kalim, Ruggie, Leona, Riddle.

Speaking of, it seems you add the fact about Ursula having a sister. Since you took influence on the Lion Guard and Lion King 2, I can tell there some references on Little Mermaid sequels in his chapter.

Jamil will one day get his comeuppance and needed help as the more time goes, the more he is getting worst. I have a theory that chapter 3 will be where he got expose before Azul got overblot, but it is also the revelation of time traveling come to light. Azul having a breakdown about betrayals, secrets, and many more that led to his overblot. Kalim really needs Azul and the Tweels since they are major parts of chapter 4.

So what to expect for chapter 3? There's already a study group in the lounge and I can Ace and Deuce will be involved but I am curious on Kalim's magic training in the ramshackle dorm,I want to see many of them being impress on his magic. I also looking forward for Pomeferio and Ignihyde to be involved since they are the least to be involved especially you mentioned Ortho and Epel being involved, I do want Idia to be involved on the overblot process especially him possibility on monitoring Ruggie.

I do like you add details on Vil and Rook dating and how Vil used to date Jack, and love the insight on Cater and Trey dating. Seems you shipped most of them.

Also agree that everyone came for Jamikal, only to be involved on crazy second chance with angst.

-🧋

Actually it took so long because I was sick as a skunk the last two weeks of November and I was also desperately trying to finish book 6 in time for book 7 with varying degrees of successes. 😭😭😭 you can all thanks Epel robe card or I’ll be still stuck on that god forsaken earth titan boss!

I’m planning to let Ruggie suffer just a little more but don’t worry he’ll have his kick back moment to compensate! As for Jamil that whole poison business is this karmic comeuppance.

As for Deuce’s friends, they have a visit by the Trey, I mean the Tooth fairy planned. However their involvement to Savanaclaw resolution ends in chapter 38. They sadly did their part in making the situation worse.

Azul is going to be so unhinged they’re won’t be any doors left in Octavinelle. However you’re way off on your potential victim list even if the aim is indeed to hurt the Tweels!

I loved the little mermaid 2 as a child! It was one of our favorite movies with my sister. TBH we watched the sequels of Aladdin, the Lion King and The little Mermaid more than the originals! However The little Mermaid 2 unlike with the Lion King 2 can’t really be fitted in my plans for book 3 except for one traumatizing scene. If you know, you know. Also congrats on catchin on the Lion Guard reference! I really liked the Hyenas in this show, so I named Ruggie’s uncle after them! He’s not dead btw, it’s just Ruggie’s parents whose gone.

For Book 3 the one braincell trip will still get scammed but not in the same way as before. Azul can’t rely on the Tweels anymore so he’ll have to improvise. Also there’s going to be some FloRid getting involved but something might poison the whole dynamic. As for Jamil…

#fixing it before it broke #twst fanfic #thanks anon!