#i am away that i'm filling up this tag with useless posts and i don't care

[danpuff-ao3]

New Goals!

While writing my dear friend Bethy this morning, I sort of made the decision to scale back and rethink all of my grand plans.

Now, I am a lady who can do a lot. That ADHD + OCD combo can be good for some things, I suppose, especially when properly medicated! Accomplishing a lot makes me feel good and happy and gets me all riled up to do more! What I at times fail to remember is that this energy and focus isn't endless. And my sense of responsibility and perfectionism will mean my doom when I inevitably slow down.

My therapist and I have been working on me recognizing and celebrating what I do accomplish, even when they're not on my "list." I have a bad habit of feeling useless when I did 10 things in a day but none of them were on my "list" or in my "plans" and so I chalk the day up as a failure. It helps me to stop and look and say "Hey! I did that! That is a thing that I did and that's very cool and good of me." And that helps.

But it also helps to recognize when my Brain (also named Brian, per my friend Nina, based on a misreading of a Tweet some months ago, haha!) is getting overexcited and dancing around and adding more and more grand plans to our plate. It also helps to verbalize because, for me, and my dang Leo Moon, I need to share and to be seen and understood.

So while there is plenty I'd like to do, I've narrowed down my goals for the year to 3 pretty solid goals:

Snarry-a-Thon

Snarry Bang

Project: Three of Hearts

While the plan is to complete and submit fics for the above fests, my Project is just what I plan to work on in between times. My goal is progress there.

So regarding the above goals, this is where I'm at:

Snarry-a-Thon: Rough Draft & Edit 1 done. Off for beta reading now.

Snarry Bang: teammate chosen and as of yesterday a plan nailed down!

Project: Three of Hearts: Very loose outline. And chapter 1 done! I figured my struggle with the outline might be helped by starting it, to help give me more of a feel for characterization and dynamics. I think it helped because my "vague outline" is starting to feel a bit more solid!

WIPs I would like to make progress on this year, but am refusing to to stress about:

Dralbus fic

Scarry fic

Lavmione fic

Contempt-verse fic (Kinktober?)

Contempt-verse fic (Christmas?)

The Christmas Prince 2

Goals I've cut: mostly Year of the OTP. I wrote Again (and Again) and Lovestruck to fill YOTP prompts, but while it seems fun, it's just too much. I have been panicking in the back of my mind about what to do for a March prompt and it's just not worth it. I don't want to feel obligations to finish things out. So I'm going to remove the Year of the OTP tags from those fics and try to forget I ever heard about it. The part of me that must finish everything it starts is deeply unhappy, but I need to scrub away all sense of needing to finish it, so I don't beat myself up when I fail.

The downside is that, with the idea of doing Year of the OTP and posting a new fic every month, I would definitely have reached 100 HP fics this year! I'm ever closer to that goal, but...if not this year, then certainly next year. There's no rush, really. Also: even though the OCD part of my brain rails at this a bit, I should at least celebrate that I do have 100 works on AO3! If we could my astro meta and my old Marvel fics, I'm actually at 103!!!! (Still trying to talk Brian into accepting that win.)

The thing is, I still do a lot, even if I don't get everything I hoped or planned to do done. Other plans for the year include:

More rec lists! (And I've already done rec lists for this year so everything here on out is gravy!)

More general meta (have I done this yet? Who knows. I'm sure I'll feel inspired sometime.)

More HP Astro posts (already done! All else will be bonus!)

2 fests to run! HP Chan will wrap up next Monday, and that same day HP Fruit Fest starts!

Reading and commenting! I've already done that! And I hope to do more!

Learn bookbinding! I still have supplies to gather, but I started doing test prints of short fics to play with programs and typesetting and printing and such. That's a start!

Mostly I just want to be involved in fandom. I want to interact with my community and chat with my friends and meet new friends. I want to give as much to the fandom as I can, in whatever form I can, be it recs or meta or fics or what have you. Or even just fangirling hard on Discord servers! It would be fun to do more podcasts this year (hint hint @careofmagicalshippers and @fanficmaverickpodcast LOL.) Or...idk, what else can I do? Idk, but no stress to me! I'm here to have fun and spread love.

And I need to keep that in mind. And give myself the love of self-care. And focus more on what's fun and what inspires me over how productive I am, or being self-critical.

Do I take fandom too seriously? Mayhaps. But only because I love it so much!

Anyway, 10 points to your House if you made it this far. Leo Moon = need to share. So thank you for letting me share with you!

#danpuff stuff #personal #mental health #writing #goals

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I feel like anyone who knows me knows what a big Bangel fan I am-- like I make so many posts about them these days, and sometimes I feel like I'm even unintentionally taking up way too much of the tag for them and sort of feel embarrassed about that. And I'm so sorry if that's true. ^_^'

So, yeah... clearly a big Bangel fan here. And obviously, most of that comes from the shows.

But now that I've started reading the tie-in books, there's a part of me that feels like they handled them better.

It's just that they have so many nice moments in them. And, I mean, obviously the shows aren't without their nice Bangel moments: I wouldn't be here if they didn't have them. But I guess I feel like the novels have room to breathe more? And that makes sense, because they're sort of missing moments.

Well, that's not entirely true. And that sort of takes away from them. That makes it sound like they're just slice of life fanfictions or something. They're more like missing episodes. But I guess since a lot of them weren't beholden to the overall season arc, maybe that's why it feels like they had more room to add in some nice romantic moments. Also, more page count to do so.

I also feel like Joss Whedon and team eventually got too caught up in the whole "Buffy and Angel are Romeo and Juliet and can never be happy, or else the audience will lose interest in them" thing: so much so, that they forgot they also needed to give them good moments with each other, in order to make the audience care at all. And I feel like a lot of writers of TV shows in this era had the same problem. It was the whole, "The obvious intended canon pairing can never get together, because the audience will stop watching, so we must throw in all this useless angst and crazy road blocks!" thing. Looking at you, eight seasons of Clana Smallville pain, even though I do ship Clana. (As an aside, I hate this idea and trope so much. It's almost a sign of a lack of creativity and lazy writing to me, because I feel like if you were a good writer, of course you could keep your audience around once the canon couple becomes, well, canon, by giving them other things in your show to be interested in! I feel like if all an audience cares about with your show is a ship, then you have writing problems. But that's a rant for another time.)

And don't get me wrong, these book authors definitely try to stay true to canon and do a wonderful job doing so--and there's definitely angst here--I just feel like they're not dripping in angst, like I feel the show (and especially the S8-12 comics and Angel & Faith!) later were, if you feel me.

And I just think the tie-in novels had the time to show some of the stuff that we knew were going on in the show, and that were definitely hinted at there (and that we saw a few times), but to give it to us a lot more: like Angel being the one person that Buffy opened up to and was her comfort through the storm, so to speak.

Like, when you watch the show, you kind of feel like there was probably a lot of stuff going on with Buffy and Angel that we didn't get to see, that helped to explain why they loved each other (especially in season three, that really seemed to jump around a bit). And the tie-in novels really seems to fill that in for me. IDK.

If someone who wasn't a Bangel fan read the tie-in novels, they might change their mind about them. Or at least see why we like them. That's kind of what I'm getting at here. And that's one of the reasons I think the writing is pretty exceptional.

Edit: You also have to appreciate that the tie-in novels allowed for more crossover moments with Buffy and Angel, after they had their separate shows, that eventually we didn't get with the actual TV shows, because of dumb legal reasons: which I think was the original intention/dream, for them to have more moments like that, even after they'd separated.

#long post #bangel #buffy the vampire slayer #i do still love all their stuff from the shows though. don't get me wrong

[peterrparrkerr]

Stockholm syndrome - read on ao3

Tagging: @lokitonypeter @just-things-things @thegreenmetblue @someonepostedart @andacheesyoneliner @bluestarker @lilcoffeecup @useless-fanfictions-for-mcu @tnpt @sarcastich

Sorry, I meant to put this on a scheduled post and it posted anyway so I'm reuploading it.

*-*

Peter doesn't know what he expects when he walks into the interrogation room, but its not Tony Stark.

The man had been missing for over a year -his case now collecting dust with the other cold cases.

The man who once owned Stark Industries -the man who was nominated hottest man alive five years in a row, most eligible batchelor, billionaire playboy.

Peter has seen him on TV, had read the tabloids, the magazines. Tony Stark was worshipped by most, and many people claimed he was taking over the world with his high tech weapons.

The man Peter was looking at now was not that Tony Stark. This man was thin, malnourished, pale. His hair had grown out from an obvious at-home cut, his face scruffy with an unkempt beard.

He was wearing ratty jeans held up by a belt that looked ready to snap at any second, and a tshirt that looked like it hadn't been washed in years.

Peter didn't know what to do. What to say. He shut the door behind him, making his way over to the once-great man.

The man that had been missing for nearly two years.

"I'm detective Parker," Peter started, keeping his voice soft as he sat down in the chair opposite Tony, setting the file down in front of him.

The man didn't even acknowledge Peter. "I'm with the New York police department, I'm gonna be in charge of your interview. Can I get you anything to drink? Are you hungry?"

He waited for Tony to respond, but after a while it was clear he wouldn't.

"Can you tell me what happened the day you went missing?"

The man is hunched in on himself, looking down at the table between his wrists.

Peter sighed. "Hey, Tony, its alright now. You're safe here."

"M'not."

Peter almost missed the mumble. He sat up a little straighter, leaning into his elbows on the table.

"He's not going to get you here," Peter said, trying anything to get the man to open up to him.

"Yes," the man whispered. "Yes he is."

"I promise, he wont," Peter said. "You're safe here. No one will get you."

This time, the man lifts his eyes, looking at Peter with a desperate gleam.

"He's gonna come back for me," he said, voice gaining volume as his hands begin to shake. "He's coming for me."

Peter shakes his head. "He wont-"

"He promised!" Tony snapped, slamming a first onto the table. Peter jolts, eyes widening. "He promised he'd come back for me."

Tony's eyes fill with tears and he quickly wipes them from his cheeks as they fall.

"Tony," Peter said, feeling his chest tighten. "He's not going to come back for you."

Tony shook his head. "No, no, you're wrong. Beck-Beck told me he loved me. He told me- he's coming back for me."

"Tony, he didnt love you, he abducted you," Peter explained, voice soft with sympathy. "He left you. He's not coming back."

"He is," Tony says wetly, sniffling as tears flowed freely from his eyes. "Hes coming back, he told me he'd come back. He loves me. We're in love, can't- can't you see?"

Peter doesn't know what to do. He's never had a case involving stockholm syndrome before. But Tony's getting upset, and there's a strong chance he'll get violent.

Peter -thinking quick on his feet- decides to change tactics.

"I believe you," he says, watching as Tony settles at his words, blinking at Peter. "I believe you, Tony."

Peter glances down at the file in front of him before pulling out a sheet of blank paper and settling it on top of the closed folder.

"How about I help you find him," Peter suggests softly. "He probably doesn't know you're here, but I can go get him."

Tony glances around the interrogation room, realizing what Peter means.

"Yes, I want Beck," he says.

"Okay, good," Peter smiles. "I can go out and find him for you, and bring him here. Do you know where he lives?"

"He doesn't want anyone to know," Tony shakes his head. "He gets upset when people come to the door."

Peter nods, faking understanding. "Do you think if I told him I knew you, he'd come to the door?"

Tony seems to think for a moment before nodding. "Yes, he will," he says. "Beck is probably looking for me. He's probably so worried. I never leave the house. He's probably wondering where I am."

"Where do you two live?" Peter asked. "Do you know?"

Tears fill Tony's eyes as he shakes his head.

"Thats okay," Peter reassured. "He drove you, didn't he? You guys drove to the park, right?"

Tony nodded. "Yes," he said. "Beck wanted to have a special day."

"Good," Peter smiled. "Thats good. Do you know how long you drove for, before you got to the park?"

"I don't know."

"Thats alright," Peter said. "Do you know what kind of car he was driving? So I know if I see it?"

"Uh," Tony tapped his fingers against the metal table with anxiety. "Blue, and, and it was a truck."

"A blue truck," Peter repeated, writing it down. "Did it have a logo on the front? Maybe on the steering wheel?"

"I don't remember," Tony shakes his head, tears welling in his eyes again.

"Thats okay," Peter smiled. "You're doing great, Tony."

"I just- I just want Beck, please, I want to go home."

Peter feels his heart break at that, but he forces himself not to show it.

"I know," Peter nods. "I'm going to do everything I can to get him here, okay? I promise."

Tony gives a small nod, wiping at his eyes.

"What does he look like?" Peter continued. "I'll need to know who to look for."

"Uh, tall," Tony said. "Almost my height."

Peter gets a rough description of the man -Beck- from Tony. It takes lots of clarifying questions, but he gets enough to work with.

"Okay, thank you Tony," Peter smiles. "I'm going to have someone bring you some food and a blanket, okay?"

Tony looks up as Peter stands, tucking the file under his arm. "You're going to find Beck?"

"Yes," Peter nods, heading for the door. "You stay here, okay? Someone will be in soon with something to eat."

He shuts the door behind him and locks it before leaning his back against it, heaving a sigh.

"How'd it go in there?" Rogers asked, stepping over from the bullpen.

"He's bad," Peter sighs, stepping away from the door and running a hand through his hair. "I got a description of the man and the vehicle he was driving. I want to get a BOLO out on both."

Rogers nods, glancing at the door before following behind Peter.

"Do you still have the number of that psychologist? The one that works with victims of stockholm syndrome?"

"Yeah," Rogers nods, rifling through his desk as Peter drops into his chair. "You think the guy's sympathetic to his captor?"

"He's in love with him," Peter sighs, filling out a BOLO from his computer.

"Jeez," Rogers whistles.

"Give the psychologist a call, have her come over as soon as possible. The sooner we get Tony to realize what's wrong, the better. I'm going to work the streets, see if I can find this Beck guy."

"Sure," Rogers says, picking the phone up from the receiver and pinching it between his shoulder and ear as he types.

"And see if we can get him a sandwich or something," Peter said, already heading for the door.

#marvel #tony stark #peter parker #starker #sfsummerbingo21 #my writing #ao3