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soft3spresso · 2 months

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Red satin and a sundress

Sanji x gardener!reader

Warnings: Fluff, confession, angry reader (just for a moment) fem reader

Word count: 1,944 words

Summary: In which Sanji confesses his love for you but you don’t understand what’s happening. From my gardener!reader series but can be read as a stand alone

˖°𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧.𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

“Are you afraid?” Yo dropped your pencil, turned eyes wide and a gasp escaped your mouth “Robin you scared me half to death!” You collected the pencil from the floor as the woman sat in front of you with a coffee mug in hand “Are you?” You looked at her puzzled “Afraid of what?” Robin motioned her head to where you were once glancing before she made you jump in your seat, the cook serving an afternoon drink to Nami “Sanji?” You laughed “The only man that scares me a little in this ship is probably Zoro” you said while looking back at your notebook “I meant, are you afraid to love, y/n?” Robin asked while pointing at the sketch of the blonde you had made beside your annotations. Red colored your face, hands sweaty “Quite the contrary actually… but him” you glanced at Sanji again as he swooned around the annoyed navigator “I don’t think he likes me the way I do, I just happen to be a woman and he happens to love them” the black haired woman giggled as you looked at her confused once more “If you allowed to open yourself to him, I’m sure you’ll change your mind…”

So you did

You talked and talked to Sanji, spending time together, flirting back every now and then even if it made you mad nervous and making sure he noticed how you’ll treat him differently from the rest, you were patient, understanding and caring. Of course he didn’t stop being a huge flirt with every single woman he’ll stumble upon on, but he did something more meaningful for you , he made you a space in his heart. He would tell you about his dream, his passions, his past and just all about him, parts no one else saw but you, as well as he saw parts of you one else did, and eventually Sanji realized that love wasn’t always loud and over the top, love was looking at your person and feeling safe, warm and at peace. So yeah maybe he would skip and spin while serving Robin a coffee and would make heart eyes whenever Nami addressed him, but with you, he was himself and nothing else.

“Are you coming to the Island?” You were leaning in the door frame of the kitchen, Sanji jumped, he was seated at the counter with a cooking book in hand absolutely lost in thought “Oh Flower! Didn’t see you there” he closed it immediately as he saw you standing in the room “No dear I… I’m staying to keep watch on the ship!” You frowned.

This last week the cook had been acting quite strange, whenever you wanted to initiate a conversation he would cut it short, whenever your hands brushed he would back up, his eyes wouldn’t even cross your way. This was absolutely weird behavior considering you two were considerably more close than anyone in the crew, you hoped to talk to him about the matter during a walk around the Island “But you always restock the fridge” you walked closer which made him flinch “I gave the stupid moss head the list of things we need, I’ll wait here!” a piercing silence filled the room, he felt distant “Sanji what’s wro-“ you were loudly interrupted by Luffy who barged in “Y/n!!! Are you coming or not?”

“Yes, I guess I am”

Did you smell? Did you said or do something wrong? Did you looked uglier? Was there something different? Was he bored of you? He was probably all this time super sweet to you for mere entertainment right? A million questions overwhelmed you, you just couldn’t place what had possibly changed between you two.

“Y/n? Are you even listening?” After buying new plants and seeds for the garden, you decided to join Nami and Robin at the local boutique, you needed a distraction but it seemed you were the one distracting yourself “Is there something wrong?” Robin asked quite worried, you shook your head and tried to brush it off but your hands grew green moss and sharp roses, you couldn’t hide your emotions even if you tried. The two girls shared a look, they respected your decision to not talk about the matter and they were not gonna pressure you to say anything you didn’t want to “How about we find you a new sundress?” Nami smiled your way “Nah, I’m a gardener, dresses are not very practical”

But you underestimated the navigators persuasive abilities, now you had tried 6 dresses already, none of them convincing enough for your friend. You heard Robin’s muffled laugh coming form outside the dresser “I had never seen such a serious hunt for a dress” you sighed “Tell me about it” yet another dress appeared hanging in the door behind you “Ow c’mon you guys this is fun! I’m having fun” Nami defended. You tried on the next dress and for your surprise it planted a smile on your face, it was red and it tied with a delicate bow in the front, giving apace to show all the beautiful jewelry you always wore around your neck, with short princess like puffy sleeves with an opening in the side of your legs that showed a white fabric with red flowers under it. As you came out of the dresser and spinned around for your friends, it was like you had completely forgotten about the cook “I am amazingggg” Robin clapped at Namis incredible styling skills “Are you sure you still want to be a pirate?” You asked her, smile wide “I can be a pirate AND a stylist” she winked

You decided to head back to the Sunny, inevitably insecurity made its way trough your stomach, you still weren’t ready to face Sanji about whatever the hell he had going on. You arrived and to your surprise there was no sight of him, you thought he was keeping an eye on the ship… you payed it no mind and went to your room to cool off for the day. After putting your shopping away, you decided to slip on the red sundress and have a little picnic by yourself, picking the fresh fruit from your garden and reading while sitting in the sunset sounded like a perfect plan for you… but it seemed like someone beat you to it.

As you walked closer to the garden delicious smells filled your senses, it made you close your eyes in enjoyment and took in a big breath, confused but curious you looked for the source of the smell. There standing next to two beautiful plated dinners in a picnic blanket, a rose and a candle in the middle of the food and drinks already poured in was Sanji, who played with nervous hands with the ring you had gifted him that now hanged form his neck. He looked handsomely dressed in coincidentally a red satin shirt, buttons loosened up, sleeves were up showing his strong arms, formal black pants and he had gelled his hair back enough to show both of his ocean blue eyes that enchanted you and most importantly no cigarette in sight! “Sanji? What the hell is happening?” The blonde cook surely didn’t expected you to show up in such a beautiful dress, mouth agape he stuttered “I.. uhm” you got closer and dismissed the book in your hands, now you really could witness how nervous the man was, cheeks and ears red and shaky breath.

You looked… upset? confused? Sanji couldn’t place the look in your face, he was already nervous looking at you and now he felt sick as he witnessed your brows scrunch together at his sight “I made this for you” was all he could let out, but you couldn’t even look at the scenery as you frantically searched for his gaze “Are you serious?” You let out a sarcastic laugh “You really think I’m just gonna ignore the fact you suddenly started to avoid me like the plague and was just overall rude to me just because you did a picnic for me?!” What? “What?” He didn’t understand what was happening, him rude? To you? That sounded atrocious. All around you the plants in the garden grew and surrounded your figure “I am not just one of your lady friends thats gonna fall for your stupid games Sanji. If you really think you can just ignore me because you got bored of me and then try and win me back with a flirty date night you’re out of your mind”

Then everything clicked in the cooks mind, he had indeed messed up. He had been planing this whole thing for so long, down to every last detail that being around you made him nervous and he would’ve quite probably spoiled everything, so he didn’t notice how to you, who had no clue about what was happening, his behavior may have came across as rude. You shook your head, you didn’t even wanted answers anymore “This is stupid” as you tried to turn around and leave, Sanji stopped you by pulling your wrist which made you stumble into his embrace; as he held you close you could listen to his heart and swore you could feel it against your own skin, it was pounding like crazy “It would be impossible for me to treat you like a simple fling my love, for me you’re my forever”

Now the one nervous and embarrassed was you, his voice echoed through his chest as you started to realize what was actually going on, the plants that once surrounded you now gone “I was so busy trying to make this picnic perfect for you that I didn’t notice how I was acting, the mere thought of you made my heart stop” you stepped back a little to look at his face, Oh~ “I’m really really stupid aren’t I?” You whispered as your face matched the color of both your garments, your head had played terrible tricks on you, the blonde just laughed “Sunlight, were both stupid” time seemed to had stopped around you, Sanji had positioned one hand in your lower back while the other held your face, yours intertwined with his chest. Suddenly everything seemed to make sense, you were supposed to he right there right in that moment; In the Sunny that held your dearest memories and favorite people, with waves that crashed in like an old tune, in your sacred garden your safe place, sunset shining from behind the man you had poured your heart out to making him look like a being of light and warmth, you had dreamt of this “You know what would be pretty stupid of us?” your lips brushed as you stand on your tip toes “If we didn’t kissed” you said before closing the space between you.

And finally you kissed him, like a so long awaited promise you had made yourselves finally coming true, your hands traveled to the back of his neck to deepened the kiss, as if you didn’t wanted him to run away. Your breaths danced with the breeze of the ocean as your hearts felt finally full, flowers bloomed from your head and hands inter-wining Sanji with you. You gasped for air and broke the kiss, your eyes immediately looking for one another, comfortable silence and sweet smiles in front of the sunset was all that could be heard, before Sanji spoke “Could you please break this spell you’ve casted upon me, and please be mine?”

“Yes, yes I can”

And finally you could confidently say that you are not afraid to love, as long as it’s him

˖°𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧.𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

Omg I wrote this like 3 different times but here it is they finally said it WOOO. Like always feel free to suggest scenarios for these two idiots and correct me if I made any mistakes English is not my first language 🫶🏻

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azurlily · 11 months

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Hi, can I get what dating Azula would include? Please

Well hii!! Sure, I got you!

Dating Azula Would Include:

Azula isn't...the nicest. She's kind in the way that she loves you, but also wouldn't hesitate to laugh at your mistakes.

Azula, to say the least, is a good lover. As long as you get over being a massive bitch sometimes. She'll laugh or snicker at some servant or pedestrian doing something stupid.

Dating Azula means being friends with Mai and Ty lee. You have no choice. Once the two girls learn about you, it's all over, this is your life now. You have no choice.

Dating Azula means you get recognized a lot, meaning people see and know who you are. Just one glance at you, and you're recognized by everyone around you.

Dating Azula means you get kisses at the randomest times of the day. You two could be walking around and she'll pin you to a wall and pull you into a deep kiss. She then prances off, acting like she didn't just kiss your lips off.

Azula is only affectionate in private or around people she trusts. She allows Mai and Ty lee to see her kissing, touching, loving you.

Azula doesn't share. By no means are you allowed near ANYONE she would consider competition. Mai and Ty lee are on that list too. She has no issues keeping you away from anyone she doesn't like.

Azula has a hard time expressing her love, with the life she has lived it's understanding. She more than likely buys you things, things she deemes worthy of your touch. So you see a dress or a peice of jewelry you like? Just ask.

Azula tries her hardest not to be a bitch when your feeling down. Dating her means you see the vulnerable side of her, she knows you'll show that side of yourself too. In her eyes seeing the real you, it's a pleasure and a bit overwhelming.

Azula gets her red lipstick all over your face when she kisses you. Make out sessions are very evident to those who pass by you. All they see are red smudges and an even redder face. Too bad she enjoys seeing you all quiet and flustered.

As your girlfriend, Azula takes care of many things for you. She knows that being in a relationship with her is hard, so she takes the workload off you. This is one of the many ways she says 'I love you' without actually saying it.

She doesn't care if her father approves of you. It doesn't matter, I mean at first it did. Now though, now she'll do anything you say. If you say it nice enough.

Azula will take you everywhere with her. She's paranoid that you might get hurt without her. So, the obvious option is to bring you with. She's so smart.

As your girlfriend, she doesn't get a little control happy. She decides who gets to give you attention, she decides what you eat, everything. Although that's just her paranoia and control complex. Dont worry, after about 5 to 6 months of dating, that's stops.

While she hates people wanting you, she loves to show you off. Oh? There's a big important banquet coming up? You're coming with.

"You look amazing, it doesn't matter what they think so hurry up. I know what I said- shut up!"

You more than likely make fun of her. For what? For her getting embarrassed by the fact that you're holding hands in public. She might not seem it, but trust me, once you two are in private. That bright blush comes out of her cheeks.

Azula gets angry when you think bad about yourself. If you're good enough for her, you are 10 times better than anyone else. That is just a fact.(in her eyes)

"Am I supposed to care? I don't care that you think your fat, you're better than any man or woman. The fact that I love you, is more than enough proof."

Aggressively loving. She gives you everything aggressively. Her love, her anger, her joy and happiness, her lust. Everything is aggressive. Thata how it should be though.(wink wink)

If you two were to ever break up, it's more than likely because of her status or controlling nature. She feels the need to prove she loves you, even if it's a bit crazy sometimes.

She'd be mad about the breakup, she'd do anything to get you back. I mean anything, she'd give you the world. Azula is more than definitely scared of losing you, not like she'll admit it.

Azula will yell, scream, fight. She'll do anything except admit she's afraid of losing you.

If you two get back together, she's even worse. Not for long though, especially if you already had a very long term relationship. She'll feel weak for letting you almost leave. She's angry, but at the same time afraid. Azula takes measures to make sure you never leave her again.

She is loving person...just ask Ty lee and Mai.

Hoped yall likes this. I'm finally getting back into writing!! I'm going to be doing as many requests as possible. I more than likely wont finish any of the yandere month challenges on time. So I'll do them when I want to and I'm getting back on requests. Have a good day/night yall!!

#wlw #lesbian #avatar the last airbender #azula #azula x reader #dating hcs #kinda angsty #lil bit of dirty stuffs #im gay af #writing is haaaaaaaaard

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junosmindpalace · 8 months

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Hello :) I was wondering if I could request saiki k x reader where the reader has an ability like Wednesday where when they randomly get psychic visions when they touch a certain object/person? I am obsessed with both saiki and Wednesday right now lmao. If you don’t want to that’s perfectly fine ❤️

hi there! thank you so much for your request! i hope it's alright i did this in a hc format, since none of my oneshot ideas really worked out :(

He doesn’t know whether to feel comforted by having another psychic friend who shares his ability to see into a future predicament or not. At least you had enough common sense to not run your mouth over your abilities, but that just made your reactions to your visions all the more questionable.

Your psychic powers differed slightly from Saiki’s. His visions tended to play out quicker than yours, and unlike you, he wasn’t able to see into the past. Even still, he was able to relate to the anxiety they produced.

Typically they weren’t anything too horrible. You could deal with them rather well, just like Saiki has grown accustomed to his own intrusive powers. But on certain days when the universe just seemed to be throwing anything out there into the world, it could easily get overwhelming.

Though you could see into the future for a brief couple of seconds like Saiki, you didn’t always have the means to deal with them, let alone deal with them efficiently. However, Saiki had an assortment of different psychic powers at his disposal, and so sometimes he helps you out to avoid being responsible for anything bad that happens to you.

He makes it out to be a huge hassle of course, but the second you try to take matters into your own hands, he stops you, deals with the issue himself, and scolds you for not being more careful.

Treats you a little bit when your visions are just a little too much. He completely understands being overwhelmed by your powers, and so he’ll do things for you that personally help cheer him up, such as buy you a treat or spend the day lounging around with you in the security of his home.

This was usually the routine that followed, so much so that it just became a part of your normal.

You’re always using your powers for some kind of good, and though it sometimes tires and stresses Saiki out with how often you put yourself on the frontlines, he can’t help but find it a reason to like you so much. You were just so kind and generous, always going the extra mile just to make someone else's day a little easier- and that included him too.

He’s surprised when you seemingly read his mind and do something he's been meaning to for him, such as getting him a treat he’s been eyeing for a couple of days or delivering an item he accidentally left behind at school. At first he’s confused, but once he realizes you must’ve touched something he had earlier, the dots connect.

If the rest of his psychic friends try to badger you into using your powers to help them with their own business, he immediately steps in to defend you from getting your kindness taken advantage of, since he knows that your sweet natured heart would never allow you to say no.

”But could Y/N just--” “No. Get lost.”

”But I just need--” “Figure it out yourself.”

Truly romantical of him.

Other than those bits, he doesn't linger too much on your powers.

He's glad he can feel confident leaving you alone without making some sort of large commotion with your powers, but he still likes to stay close and take care of you where he can, even if he'll never admit to it outright.

#happy shibuya day!! i had no ideas so i finally posted this eheh #the disastrous life of saiki k oneshot #the disastrous life of saiki k x reader #the disastrous life of saiki k headcanons #tdlosk x reader #tdlosk fluff #tdlosk oneshot #saiki k x reader #saiki k fluff #saiki k oneshot #saiki k imagines #saiki kusuo x reader #saiki kusuo oneshot #kusuo saiki x reader #kusuo saiki oneshot

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novaacanee · 5 months

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To The Things I Can’t Control

AlucardxBlack!Reader

Pt.2

“To The Things I Can’t Control

It has been two years since the passing of my parents at the hands of the church. I miss them both dearly. I am currently spending my days working at a Botique known as Modiste. My boss is a lively French woman who sometimes lets me barrow some fabric to make myself a new dress.

These days, I’ve been think about the past and those who encapsulated it. Adrian, my first love. I miss him most deeply. His father has waged war against all of the humans after the church murder his human wife Lisa Tepes. I hope he is okay. I do wonder if I can find him. Would you even allow me to find him again? Will he even recognize me?” The pen in her hand came to a halt. A feeling of sadness overwhelmed her spirit.

She closed her notebook and stood from her bed, walking over to a tote laying in a velvet chair within her bedroom. Verena placed the book inside, along with a pen and some spare clothing. Though she appreciated all that Genevieve had done for her but, she must set out.

Within the last few years, she had been plotting revenge for what the church had done to her. What they did to her family and her home. Her mission was to speak with the Speakers that we’re currently residing in Gresit for the time being. They were familiar with almost all legends and information that circulate around Wallachia.

With her bag in hand, she went down the spiral staircase and left an envelope on Genevieve’s desk before heading out. She has saved up enough coin to buy herself a horse for the harrowing journey ahead.

The ambient sound of the leaves moving in the wind surrounded Verena. Her instincts on high alert as her and her horse travelled through the woods. The sound of leaves crunching under the horses hoof broke her attention momentarily. She was very familiar with the presence of what was know as night creature within the surrounding lands.

A dagger sparkled under the moonlight as it laid firmly in her grip. A chill went down her spine as she felt a presence besides her own. “I know you’re here. You smell Fucking disgusting. We’re so close to a stream and you have forgone bathing all together?” She huffed, hopping off of her horse. “Come out, I have places to be.”

And with that a tall-winged beast flew out from the surrounding trees. A hellish screech leaving its mouth. “Ohh so you’re one of those night creatures everyone has been raving about? Definitely quite ugly…” she said as the monster swooped down at her, aiming its sharp claws for anything it could reach.

Verena managed to dodge just in the knick of time. She held out her weapon, aiming it towards the creature making its second round towards her. With all of her strength, she through the sharp metal. The sound of it being sheared into the head of the beast was rather nauseating but satisfactory. It signified that she was to live another day.

Tattered clothing now stained with grass, night creature blood, guts and dirt. A shaky hand rested on her chest as she felt herself breathing heavily. Verena moved closer to the beat ,analyzing its corpse that laid in front of her.

Through the trees, she could see a small village. “I hope to whatever god that that is Gresit and not a completely different village. You would think Father would have taught me how to read a map.” She chuckled bitterly and went over to where she left her horse only to find it deceased. “Fuck! I saved up for 4 months.” She exhaled sharply.

She sauntered over to the horse and kneeled next to the animal. She reached into her bag and placed it next to the horses gingerly. “I’m sorry I put you in this position. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten.” Verena ran a hand through the blood soaked mane before standing again. “Onward I guess.” She hummed, making her way toward the direction of the village.

The village was rather nightmarish; much more so than she remembered. Puddles of blood stained the perimeter of it. The building practically ruins at this point. It was a miracle anyone could still call this place home. She was about to continue on her way when she bumped face first into the chest of a man “God it’s not even the evening yet and people already drunk. Men.” Verena thought she had said this in her head…she did not.

“And who the fuck are you?” A gruff voice answered. “Talk a lot of shit for someone who bumped into me first. I didn’t say anything about you looking like a failed attempt of a noble.” The man towered her figure. Chocolate locs and striking blue eyes was the first thing she noticed. The second thing was the crest on his Tunic.

Her eyes widened a little as she felt her heart drop. “Belmont…? I thought you guys got wiped out? The hell are you doing here?” Verena asked, praying to any and every god once again that her fangs weren’t visible. “Yeah well her I am. Who the fuck are you?” He asked, drunken annoyance coating his tongue. “My name is Verena. My family name is of no importance to you. I’m only here to converse with the speakers.”

“I really didn’t ask for your life story hun. You’re in luck though, I’m looking for em too.” Verena’s ear perked up as she heard this. “Well then, hope you don’t mind me following you then since you obviously know more than me.” She responded sarcastically. “I do mind actually.” Trevor began to walk away from her, turning into a small alleyway. Verena followed suit, she quite honestly could give less of a fuck if he wanted her there or not. She had a mission that she needed to accomplish.

She noticed 3 men brush past Trevor. Two of them in church attire and the other in a purple cloak. They seemed to be antagonizing the poor old man. “I’m not getting involved.” Trevor mumbled to himself, still watching the altercation. Verena turned to look at him. “Flagitium hominis (disgrace of a man)” she spoke in Latin. “He’s just an old man. He has no means of defense against them.”

Trevor groaned aloud. “What are you the rebirth of Christ? Fine.” A heavy sighed escaped his lips as her reached for his whip just in time to save the older speaker from enduring any injuries from the clergymen. Verena watched as Trevor fought against them a little amused. “Not bad for a human.” She thought to herself. “Wait, I’m part human too, I shouldn’t insult myself.” Trevor scared off the two clergymen and turned to her . “You really don’t know how to not say your thought aloud huh?” Verena gave him a blank look. “Oops.” She shrugged.

“The violence wasn’t necessary however, your kindness is much appreciated.” Trevor shrugged. “You’re welcome although, can I accompany you to your lodging?” Verena physically face palmed at his forwardness however; the speaker abliged. “We speakers are nomadic individuals however; you both are welcome to accompany me.”

The walk to the speaker’s lodging was short. The older speaker invited them in and explained their current situation with their presence in Gresit and the church as well as his missing Grandchild. Verena watched Trevor speak with them, drinking some water. “You might as well help them, ain’t got shit else to do.” She whistled, taking another sip of her water and ignoring the side glare he had given her. “God if the night creatures to Fucking kill me, the sound of your voice will.”

#adrian tepes x reader #castlevania black!reader #alucard x reader #alucardxblack!reader #castlevania alucard x reader #castlevania netflix #castlevania nocturne #netflix original

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sugajimin · 1 year

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unhelpful tips and resources for gifs&gfxs

Hi everyone, I don’t know how useful this post will be but I wanted to share some of the things I learned through the years of creating content for tumblr and also new information I find every now and then. I see lot of new people who start creating content here and I want to help with what I know.

Note: I won’t upload any tutorial of mine or anything because I believe the resources I will link here will be more useful than just a tutorial that I won’t be able to explain well because English is not my first language. Let’s start!

First of all, few words about tumblr and how it works. Tumblr is a site with many communities. Every user has its own blog that can post many kinds of content, including a text,photo,video,audio,art etc. When you first join the site it might be overwhelming but in reality, it is not (*whispers* I personally find instagram harder to understand how it works).

Like every site tumblr has its own search bar, tags, likes, reblogs(share on fb,rt on twitter),and follows. When you search a blog to follow and you see their posts you can like their post by tapping on the heart and share(reblog) by clicking on the two arrows button that looks like the recycle icon.

What does reblog mean and do?

Reblog is as we said the “share the post” of facebook, with reblog you don’t repost someone’s content but you share it with your followers and help it to be seen bymore people that way you actually help the creator to promote their creations.

Likes

Unlike, instagram,twitter and facebook, when you like something the website doesn’t recommend the post to your followers unless they go to your blog via their phone and go to your likes page, if you have it unlocked, so basically, likes don’t help with supporting creators as much as reblog does.

Tags

Tagging system on tumblr, in my opinion, is pretty fun both for the op of a post and for the reblogger. With tagging you can organize all the posts on your blog by anything you like. For example, if you tag artworks as #art and you want to find a certain artwork you reblogged a time ago you can just go to the tag and find it.

For op you can use tags the same way as other sites to promote your work, as I remember the first 5 tags will be shown on the general tag like if you search on tumblr #artwork and you have the tag #artwork on the first 5 it will be shown there.. but I am not sure if this changed.

Creating a post

As you can see from your dashboard(timeline on twitter) you have the option to create a text form post, a photo form post.. etc. You can experiment with all of these, don’t be afraid. I will focus on photo form posts because we will talk about gifs and gfxs.

The photo form(with the camera icon) post, is what most content creators use to post their creations like designs/graphics,art/fanart/photography, and gifs.

The site allows you to post 10 photos(if you want to post more I think Text form allows more).

The size of your photos and gifs must be under 20mb for photos and under 10mb for gifs.

As for dimension, tumblr has its own dimension but you can always post whichever you want, the bad thing is that the quality will be reduced on the dashboard and the viewer will have to click on every single photo in order to see the original quality. Here are the dimensions:

For a single photo/gif per columna it is 540px horizonatally

For 2 photos/gifs per columna it is 268px x 268px

For 3 photos/gifs per columna it is 177px x 178px x 177px (be careful the middle one always has to be 178px)

Themes

When you feel comfortable with using tumblr, you can customize your blog with beautiful themes that talented people have shared here!

You can find and learn about themes here: @/theme-hunter

Gifs/gfxs

In this part, I will provide links and tutorials for gifs and graphics, But first of all you need a program for content creation. The most common one is Photoshop, you can buy a subscription from Adobe(it is expensive) or you can find crack version on the internet.

Chaoticresource has a whole tag for photoshop and many more programs for you to start with photoshop. Not only that they have a whole list of resources for both giffing and graphic making. You can find their tag list with everything you need to here.

Here are some tutorials on how to make a gif

Tutorial by: misty-quigley

Tutorial by: kylos

Tutorial by: hayaosmiyazaki

Tutorial by: cal-kestis

Tutorial by: gr-ogu

Tutorial by: misfitsexual

Tutorial by: unbrokencolorings

Tutorial by: josefnewgayden (also has many resources)

Tutorial by: dunkzilladaddy

Tutorial by: theedorksinlove

Tutorial by: ashleysolsen (with more resources)

As you can see there are many different ways to gif, experiment with as many as you like and choose one you feel more comfortable with.

Usergif and deenafier and cillianmurphy have collected many tutorials in their page/posts so I recommend reading them.

Some random yet helpful tutorials I have and I find myself going back here and there are:

The coloring tutorial by @/ daisylouisejohnson

The coloring tutorial by @/magnusedom

The color table tutorial by @/ggroupsdaily

The coloring tutorial by @/lee-haechan here and here

Coloring tutorial by @/binariesuns

Layer mask tutorial by @/daisylouisejohnson

Transition tutorial by @/fionagallaqher (and coloring tutorial)

Blending tutorial by @/linda-darnell

Blending tutorial by: @/morningstr

Channel Mixer tutorial (REALLY IMPORTANT IMO) by @/zoyanazyalensky

Glitch effect tutorial by @/nobodynocrime

Glitch tutorial by @/sarah-snook

How to fix orange-washed characters by @/zoyanazyalensky

Colored background tutorial by @/rafael-silva

Sharpenning gifs by @/joelmillrr

Coloring tutorial by @/yelenafbelova

Coloring tutorial by @/yenvengerberg

Don’t be afraid to experiment with gifs, try different styles and most important have fun!! I know thereis a lot to learn but trust me, it can be pretty fun! Good luck!

Now for graphics.. all I have to say is just have fun and experiment, experiment and experiment more! Here is a list ofresources I have collected that helped me improve my skills and find resources.

Where to find fonts/textures/vectors/mockups.

deviantart (everything)

unsplash (photos)

pixeden (mockups,photos)

graphicburger (mostly mockups)

freedesignresources (everything)

spoongraphics (mock ups)

graphicgoogle

rawpixel (photos)

digitalbrushes (brushes)

zippypixels (mockups)

dafont (fonts)

fonts by google

behance( under the tag freebie)

fonts.ilovetypography (fonts)

gvfxarmy on twitter did an amazing job collecting resources.. you can find them here

List of youtube channels that will help you with tutorials and educational information on graphic design

Envato Tuts

Madia Designer

elliotisacoolguy

Brad Colbow

LearningScreen

PiXimperfect

The Futur

The Futur Academy

Jeremy Mura

Blue Lightning TV Photoshop

Nemanja Sekulic

Digital Art Creation

Will Paterson

Nobu Design

Satori Graphics

Logo Design Ideas

Adobe Creative Cloud (recommend to watch some of the livestreams they are interesting)

Gareth David Studio

Spoon Graphics

PSD Box Official

creatnprocess

Jamie Windsor

Dansky

Daily Photoshop Tutorials

How to Graphic Design

Photoshop Tutorials - PSt

Yes I'm a Designer

Photoshop Tutorials

PHLEARN

Some other sites and links that i find interesting:

designbolts

thefutur free resources

The most important compositional principles in graphic design(article but check the site too)

The power of color (article, check the site too)

bezier.method (site to practice the pen tool)

aiga

httpster.net (site for inspiration)

access.mymind (color inspiration)

How to design a logo (article)

How to design a logo (article 2)

The Importance of Branding in 21st Century (article)

Color combinations

Lastly here you will find books and more resources for graphic deisgn! Thanks to @/isaaczara_ on twitter

That’s it! Hope you find this post helpful! I tried my best to not forget anything!

Have fun on tumblr and on creating your content! Don’t give up and have fun creating!

#masterpost #a rushed masterpost #long post #hope it helps #resources #its not the masterpost i said i ll make its a similar one

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liyawritesss · 1 year

Text

ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ

Pairing: MCU!Riri Williams x Black!Masc!Reader

Genre: Fic

Synopsis: In which you can’t believe anyone ever truly falls in love with you, until Riri Williams attempts to show you otherwise.

Warnings: mentions of severe anxiety, very bad breakups, cursing, an unspecified situationship between reader and Riri, use of cannabis and other herbs for smoking, mentions of domestic abuse

A/N: In this fic, the reader has severe anxiety and mania that causes her emotions to become too overwhelming to control; therefore she uses cannabis to dull her emotions to a tolerable level. Songs to listen to while reading: Halsey’s “Sorry”, Chase Atlantic’s “I THINK I’M LOST AGAIN”, Ella Mai’s “Trip, Lul Sis’s “I Remember”, SZA’s “Shirt” & “Special”

Tags: @inmyheadimobsessed @verachii @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @rxcently @chrome-edition @liv444me @yvxmpire @hippiedippyshit @secretgyals

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.

It’s a riveting story, really, of how you became acquainted with the cannabis-filled paper roll. A bundle of contentment your first ex introduced you to. The only thing you had control of in that relationship, and the only thing you took from it. A young, naive sixteen year old desperate for affection, who fell into the trap of an eighteen year old who only cared for self satisfaction. But what better could you have known?

And now you stare at the blunt between your fingers, with the base of your car turned to the max and the speakers blasting whatever song you had on your playlist, watching the red ring around the end inch closer and closer to your skin. If it was bad day, you’d let it reach your fingers, allowing the embers of the blunt to burn into the tip of your thumb and forefinger as they’ve done before. The sting of it is far more satisfying than the sting your lungs took with every pull of the brown little stub.

But you’re too conscious to let it happen. That, and you have company coming.

There’s a loud knocking on your tinted car windows, the perpetrator none other than Riri Williams. You can’t hear what she’s shouting, but you're sure it’s something about how you need to open the car door because it’s cold as shit outside.

Your unlock the passenger door and turn down the music to a tolerable level - Riri never liked it when you played your music loud - and turn up the heat for the passenger side of the car. The engineer sports some black sweatpants, a pastel blue crop top, and her black bubble winter jacket that’s overly shiny and plastic-y in texture. Despite the many times you’ve offered to buy her another, warmer, less annoying coat, she refuses. ‘She still has a year or two left in her!’ She’d whine.

“I don’t know why the fuck,” she starts, as she fiddles with the zipper on the cropped bubble coat in an attempt to get it off, “you got me waiting outside,” and at this point, you’ve already reached onto the back seat and grabbed your hoodie, the only one of yours she’ll ever wear because, of course, it’s your favorite one, and it’s just big enough for her, “and it’s cold as fuck outside!”

Once her coat is off and tossed into the back seat, she all but snatches the soft hoodie from your hand and tugs it over her upper half. “Manners much, lil’ girl?”

“Shut the fuck up and get to drivin’,” Riri shoots back, tugging on the strings of the hood of your sweater, closing it tight until only her eyes and nose are visible. She’s even chucked her Ugg boots off, opting to tucking her feet under herself, practically sitting criss-cross in the passenger seat.

“Where the hell am I even goin’?” You retort, starting the engine to your car, “You just called me and said pull up, ain’t tell me shit ‘bout nothin’ else!”

“To Navy Pier!” Riri responds, “The fireworks are tonight, remember?”

“No, I don’t remember, ‘cus you ain’t tell me nothin’!”

The bickering between you two could last for ages, but apparently, Riri was stretched for time, and she was also hungry, and a hungry Riri was not a fun Riri.

“Okay, fine, sorry, but we gotta go! They start in like forty-five minutes and traffic’s already shit!” She whines, tugging on your arm like a toddler begging for candy. You roll your eyes, playfully of course, as you pull out of the parking spot and start driving down the road.

“Have you even eaten yet, while you in here barking demands ‘nd shit?” You ask, your free hand instinctively going to rest on the cushion of her thigh, your thumb softly kneading into it. Glancing out of the corner of your eye, you see she’s busying herself by connecting her phone to your car’s Bluetooth feature. No doubt she’s about to turn on some Summer Walker or SZA, as she’s been listening to those two artists a lot as of recent.

“Uhh…” her voice trailing off is enough of an answer for you, and as you pull up to an intersection, instead of turning left which would have taken you to the expressway, you turn right - right into the McDonald’s that sits on the corner.

Of course, Riri is groaning about how you’re gonna be late for the fireworks show, but you’d rather deal with her being upset over that then her being upset because she’s hungry. Only one of those is actually tolerable.

“Shut up, you’re the one that can’t seem to feed yourself,” You scold the other girl as you pull up to the drive through. You recite to the person over the intercom your orders - a ten piece chicken nugget meal for the engineer in your passenger seat, and for you just a fry and a drink.

“It’s not my fault!” Riri protests as you pull up to the payment window, handing the fast food worker your card. “Really? How come it ain’t then?”

And in the few minutes that Riri finds herself trying to come up with a lie to satisfy your scolding eyes, your order is ready. You place her bag of food in her lap, yours in your own, and your drinks in the cup holders.

You notice quickly the silence that befalls the car once you’ve pulled off from the restaurant, to which you peer over to Riri in the passenger seat. “Keep talking, I’m listening,” you say.

Riri looks up from the bag she’s fiddling with, trying to fish out a few fries to satisfy her growling stomach until you both get to the pier. “Right- Um, so I was workin’ on this AI thing - uh, artificial intelligence; think of it like a computer that can talk back you-”

“So, like, a robot…?”

“Just shut up and listen!”

Soon enough you’d pulled into an empty parking lot by the lakefront, close enough to the pier so that you’d be able to see the fireworks at a good proximity. It was a cheap alternative to having to pay to get into the show itself, plus it made for better intimacy.

You and Riri sat in the back seat of the car, allowing more room for comfort. She’s put on one of her playlists - there was a song by H.E.R. playing low on the speakers - and you had a fresh blunt in hand. The window on your side was cracked a little to allow the smoke to escape and not cloud in Riri’s face, and despite her occasional complaints of the chilly wind that would pass through, she knew it was necessary.

She’s cuddled up to you; her arms wrapped around your own as she took interest in the tattoo sleeve that riddled your arm. Different designs, multiple lines to trace, the stories they held.

The reason why they were there.

Your mind begins to muddle once more as you take another drag from your blunt, the sting in your lungs the only thing telling you that you were alive, that you were capable of feeling. That, and the dull feeling of Riri’s acrylics tracing your skin, intrigued.

“Y’know, you never told me exactly why you got these,” She mutters.

Your hand, which held Riri’s legs over your lap, with your thumb which kneaded into the meat of her calf, stopped in its motion.

“Just wanted somethin’ different,” You muuttered, taking another pull from your blunt.

“Nah, i’on believe that,” Riri replied, as she started tracing a particular part of your arm. “You have a reason for everything.”

Your chest became tight as she continued to poke and prod at that one spot, intrigued by the design chosen to take its place. “Damn, this must’ve hurt.”

The tattoo, no. But the scar under it? It still left a mark only visible to you. And the pain from it never truly left you.

“Stop fucking throwing shit at me!”

You’re sure the neighbors could hear your pleas, but whether they cared enough or not to call the police for you, you wouldn’t know.

“Why the fuck were you with her!?”

You stood behind the couch, your only defense as you refused to lay a hand on your ex. She stood on the other side with a deranged look in her eyes, a look you’d never seen before. You’d never have thought that her jealousy to reach this feat.

At first, you found it endearing. Her possessiveness, the need to let others know that you were hers. It made you feel wanted, loved.

But as she stands across from you, enraged at the fact that you spent the afternoon with your cousin, the one you had told her about numerous times, the one she even met, the one you had told her you had plans of seeing her this weekend when she got into town, opened your eyes for what it truly was.

Your ex was, for lack of better words, psychotic.

“That was my fucking cousin! The one I been told you about!” You shouted back at her. “You fucking met her a couple months ago!”

“Oh, sure, your fucking cousin!” The woman shrieks as she chucks another random object in her vicinity towards you. You managed to block it with your arms, but the second it took to distract with it, the woman made a dash for you. There was something else in her hand now - a much more sinister weapon.

A pocket knife.

“Baby, baby please,” You begged as your ex inched closer and closer to you, ready to strike. You still refused to defend yourself physically, not if it meant you had to hurt her in the process. “Put the fucking knife down- just listen to me-”

There was a shriek, which followed a hard thud on the floor, which was now painted in your blood.

You hurriedly snatched your hand away from Riri’s prying ones, and in an attempt to keep your cool, opted to drape it around her shoulders instead. It brung her closer to you, so she didn’t complain, but the suddenness of the action left her with questions.

“That is the reason. Just wanted somethin’ different.” You reiterated, dragging out another pull from your blunt. It was a deeper inhale than the others before, which made your lungs sting even more, but you needed to forget.

You needed to forget that night. It made you feel too much. And right now, You didn’t want to feel anything. You couldn’t bear to feel anything. You just…couldn’t.

“Hey,” Riri’s voice sounded, as she looks up at you from your side, “It’s me, (Y/N). You know you can talk to me.”

Her words made you look down at her. And for a moment, you consider it. You consider telling her the origins of your sleeve, the origins on most of the tattoos that littered your body. Maybe that would alleviate some of the overwhelming pressure that sat heavy in your chest, in your heart. But the very thought of it had your chest closing in, your eyes prickling with tears, and your body trembling. The thought of remembering it all, reliving it all, feeling everything, everywhere, all at once. It was too much to bear, too much, too much, too much-

Without thinking, your blunt meets your lips again, and the sweet sting to your lungs and the fog that muddles your brain calms your heartbeat. You look at Riri and sigh, turning back to the lightshow before you.

“Maybe next time, Ri,” you murmur, your free hand going back to massaging her legs. You feel her body relax into you. You wish yours could do the same.

“You wanted to talk?”

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.

Until Riri Williams came into your life.

It was interesting, really, the story of how you two met. Having taken interest in one another at a park all those months ago, you two became fast friends. From late night drives to fast food runs, to even helping her raid junkyards for her engineering projects, you two would do almost everything together.

Until one night, when an alcohol-influenced kiss changed the course of everything.

“Yeah,” you reply, busying yourself around your kitchen, trying to act like you were preparing some semblance of a breakfast for yourself. As much as you got on Riri for not eating, you didn’t need the same lecture returned to you. At least, not today.

“Was just gonna tell you I probably won’t be on my phone that much,” you add on, pausing your fiddling to direct all your attention onto the small frame of your phone, where a sleepy Riri currently was pictured.

Damn, she was cute. The way her eyes were half-lidded, riddled with sleep; the way her short bob-length butterfly locks framed her face; the realization that she had another one of your hoodies that she wore to bed. This girl was depleting your hoodie collection, and you didn’t like that.

Frankly, there were a lot of things Riri did to you that you didn’t like. But they never stopped you from coming back to her.

“Is that my hoodie, lil’ girl?” You question with a raised eyebrow, to which the girl on the other releases a small hum in response.

“Mmm, no…” Riri replies, but you know it’s a lie. She does too, which is why she’s trying to cover herself up with her blanket.

“Yeah, okay,” because there was no way you were getting her to admit she stole one of your hoodies again, but at least you knew it was somewhere safe and in good use.

“Did you hear me, ma?”

“Mhm…”

“Ri, what did i say?”

“You not gon’ be on your phone, I heard you.”

“Aight. I’ll call you tonight, let you know what’s up, okay?”

“Mhm…”

There was no use in getting any real words out of Riri this early in the morning, so you just took her word for it and bid her farewell. The engineer said her goodbyes in possibly the softest, sweetest tone you’d ever heard from her. It made your heart hurt to hang up on her, but you knew that it was better this way.

Your head had been a mess lately. It gets bad like this whenever certain months of the year come around. These particular months, your body has associated with the horrible exes that plagued your existence, and the horrible things they’ve done to you.

Of course Riri knew of your exes - though much sooner than what you had intended on. She had did something to accidentally triggered you and it sent you into a spiral of heavy breathing and cursing, lashing out at the girl unintentionally. To this day, it’s one of the things you heavily regret happening to her. You’d never raised your voice at Riri, never once shied away from her touch or spoke to her in a disrespectful manner. But that night, too much was happening all at once, and her saying the word ‘stupid’ in your general vicinity was what caused everything to spill out.

Though you shouldn’t, another memory protrudes your thoughts, unwelcomed, of the ex that ruined your sense of self.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

It’s a question you didn’t care to answer, as the answer to it had been said numerous times before. And frankly, you weren’t in the mood to argue.

“...so you just not gon’ respond to me?”

“I told you already. Dinner party for my grandma.”

“You ain’t say shit about your grandma, (Y/N),”

You turn away from the mirror to face the woman on the bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone, somehow finding the concentration to do that and try to start an argument with you. Which you’ve done your best to avoid, but knowing her, she’d pick something small to blow up over.

“I very much did. And I’m not about to argue with you about this. I’m trying to enjoy the night with my grandma, and I refuse to have it ruined.”

“Oh, so I’m spoiling your mood now?”

Fuck, you fell for it. A sigh pushes its way through your lips as you make your way to the edge of the bed to grab your phone and keys.

She was muttering under her breath and you honestly couldn’t care to react to her right now. Your mind was on your family dinner, and you wanted to at least look a little happy when you greeted your grandmother. But she was making it very difficult to be passive.

“You not even listening to me! This the stupid ass shit I’m talking about, I’m tryna talk to you and you just walking away.”

By this point, you’d made it to the living room of your apartment, sitting on the bench at the foyer to lace up your boots you chose to wear for the evening. And yet, the woman beside you would not stop her taunting.

“You know, you lucky I put up with your bullshit. You’re so fucking stupid you don’t even realize I can leave right out this bitch and not come back! Then who you gon’ call when you need somebody? Cuz it sure as fuck wont be me-”

“Then leave.”

“Excuse me?”

As your putting on your coat, stuffing the pockets with your necessities - phone, wallet, keys - you turn to look at the woman who had been shouting obscenities at you since you woke up this morning.

“If I’m such a horrible girlfriend who can't seem to satisfy you, why are you still here?”

“Well, obviously, because I fucking love you, you dumbass!”

“Nah, you don’t love me,” you replied, twisting the knob to the front door, “You love what I can do for you. But I’m done with your shit.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to-”

“I’m serious this time. I’m done. I’m tired of it, and I’m done.”

And the door closes on another relationship as you exit your apartment. But in an effort to put on a strong face for your grandmother, you suck up the tears, and walk down the stairs to your car.

The surround sound in your living room now blasts SZA, an artist you never thought you’d catch yourself listening to, but due to your consistent presence around Riri, the genre of music rubbed off on you.

It’s a song called ‘Shirt’, with a hypnotic base and lyrics that you’ve been relating to all too much these past few days. Especially when you find yourself reopening a text message from a number you should have long deleted.

“I miss you, baby. I know I did you wrong, but I’m ready for us again. Can we please talk? I know you still have my number. I love you <3”

You replace your phone with a new blunt, a sigh escaping your lips. After lighting the dark green-ish roll, you lean back into the comfort of your couch. Yet, you don’t take a drag from the joint. You just watch the light red embers around the rim of the blunt slowly burn down it’s length. You let the music consume you, with the base so powerful it influences the beat of your heart, and the lyrics hitting too close to home.

With an intake of air, you allow the music, and your emotions, to consume you.

“Riri, I do not know about this…”

“Relax, it’ll be fine, I’ll tell her before she gets too upset.”

Shuri’s concern fell on deaf ears as Riri was finding a hiding place for the pack of blunts in her hand. Though she knew she’d probably get a talking to for her little stunt, the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Riri had been staying at your apartment for the weekend since her mother was out of town, and with the engineer not wanting to be alone in her mothers absence, you allowed her to come over. You were comfortable enough with Riri to let her into your space, to which she was greatly appreciative of. Though your home was a great contrast to the childhood bungalow she grew up in, with it’s modern grey finishes, black appliances, and overall sleek look, there was a warm and welcoming feel to it. Riri was surprised to feel so welcomed, being that it was her first time coming over to your place since the two of you started talking.

“Those TikTok trends will get you in trouble, friend,” Shuri says, the sigh in her voice audible through the cellular device. “If she is as dependent on those cannabis-rolls as you describe, I do not think hiding her source of sanity will be a good idea for a prank.”

“Oh my god, for once please say blunts. I’m begging you, for my own sake,”

“I cannot! It does not sound right!”

“And neither do cannabis-rolls, it sounds like cinnamon rolls’ suspicious cousin!”

“You just refuse to listen to reason, don’t you?”

Riri was silent on her hand, though Shuri could hear small grunts, of which she assumed to be because the other scientist had finally found a place worthy of hiding the pack of blunts.

“She won’t be too mad. She can’t stay at me, she never does. Imma just tell her where they are before she gets too upset, and all will be good!”

“...and that is how you tell her you love her? By hiding something important of hers? My, you Americans have a very weird way of showing affection.”

Riri scoffed at Shuri’s accusation, rolling her eyes as she returned to her place on the couch in the living room. “First of all, miss ma’am, it’s called having a bit of fun! I’ve got it under control.”

That wasn’t an entire lie. Riri had a good understanding of your behaviors and actions - at least, she thought she did - and while she didn’t take advantage of the soft spot you had for her, she did have a habit of letting her intrusive thoughts get the better of her. There was no telling how this would play out, but Riri was ever the optimist, and was sure that nothing would get too out of hand.

“And don’t be talking like you ain’t got no lil’ boo thang you don’t get weird around! I be seeing how you look at your phone on Facetime.~”

Before Shuri could respond to Riri’s incredulous accusation, the sound of the front door opening caught the attention of the two genius women. Riri whispered a quick goodbye to the Wakandan royal before quickly hanging up her phone, taking a laying position on the couch, and pretended to be surfing Netflix as you came back into the apartment.

“You know you’re expensive as shit, lil’ girl.” You huff, as you plop down the bags of food on the coffee table before Riri. She had purposefully sent you to get seafood so that she would have enough time to scour your home and get familiar with the place, as well as to plan out her prank. And maybe because she wanted some seafood as well. She knew the effect of her puppy dog eyes on you, and it worked every single time.

She feigned a gasp as she sat up, a smile from ear to ear plastering itself on her face. “Aww, you do love me!”

Riri watches as you head into the kitchen to get some additional utensils. Now all that was left was to play the waiting game.

Since your return, things had been chill. Riri had put on a Disney movie and the two of you dug right into your food. That, however, was two hours ago, and its just now that you decide to leave the living room to go to your room, for what Riri assumed was your blunts. And when you came back out with a weird look on your face, the engineer knew that the real clock had just started.

From then, Riri could tell you weren’t really focusing on the next movie being played. Your eyes may have physically been on the screen, but your mind wasn’t there. Three hours in, your knee began shaking, whether it was out of frustration or just as a form of stimulus, Riri couldn’t quite tell.

Four hours in, and Riri started to notice how you were creating more and more distance from her. She had been giving Shuri the play by play at this point, to which the Wakandan Royal was already preparing her ‘I told you so’s to the young engineer. You went back into your room again, this time for longer. Riri knew that you now knew your joints were missing from your nightstand. She could hear the rustling and movement of objects from your room. Anxiety began to pool in her stomach. Though determined to see things through to the end, she’d sat her phone up in a position she thought not so visible to record the interaction.

At this point, five hours had passed, and you were becoming noticeably restless. Not having the one thing that could keep you calm and collected around Riri was driving you insane. You knew you put your blunts on your nightstand, you had pre-rolled them before you went to pick Riri up from her house that afternoon. You were certain that they were there when you left, and the fact that they weren’t made your anxiety spike.

“Riri!” You called from your room, actively breathing in and out to try and ground yourself from the tightness that was forming in your chest.

Riri jumped a bit when you called her name. It was loud, and uncommon for your voice to be at that volume. “Y-Yeah?”

Riri saw you come out of your room, and your entire demeanor has changed. Riri had only ever known you to be this cool, stoic person, who always had a handle on things. Besides that one night where she accidentally triggered you, this was the first time she’s seen you so…rigged.

“Did you see a pack of blunts anywhere?”

Maybe Shuri was right, Riri thought, as now there was guilt also pooling in her stomach from the sight of you agitated.

“No…no I don’t think so-”

You barely gave her enough time to respond before you started searching the television stand. Perhaps you had moved it last minute, you thought, but the surface of the furniture gave away no clues. You then made a beeline for the kitchen, thinking that maybe you could have misplaced the pack there when grabbing your keys off the countertop.

Riri got up from the couch, approaching your searching figure. “It ain’t too late, maybe call your plug or somethin’?”

The utensils drawer you let go of closed a bit too loudly, at least, louder than Riri had expected.

“My plug is out of town,” you told her, exiting the kitchen via the other side of the island that rested in the middle. Your next target of search was the couch - maybe it had slipped between the cushion, “he won’t be back ‘til tomorrow, and those were the last two blunts i had till then.”

Damn. Riri fucked up.

Throughout your search the engineer could tell how visibly worked up you were becoming. Agitation in the way that you walked, anxiousness in your voice. And then your next words brought absolute dread to Riri.

“Why is your phone sat up like that?”

Shit. She was caught.

“Uhm…”

“Ri, are you fucking with me right now?”

Riri didn’t like the tone in your voice. It was a tone you never held with her. One of anger, and hurt. “Are you tryna play a fucking prank on me?”

“Okay, okay, okay, before you get mad-”

“Riri, I’m not gon’ ask you again-”

“I was just tryna be funny-”

“Where is my shit, Riri?”

Your words had begun to overlap, and nothing the two of you were speaking were reaching each others ears. Quite frankly, you were hurt. You didn’t think Riri of all people would pull something like this. It didn’t take a genius to know that you smoked for a reason, and the reason being to cope. A stranger could have put two and two together, what could have motivated Riri to do something so careless and inconsiderate?

At some point in your word exchange, Riri became less sorry and more upset, defensive. “It ain’t like you’ll die without them, (Y/N),” she scoffed, and her words made you suck your teeth in annoyance.

“Because you don’t understand, Ri-”

“What do you mean, ‘I don’t understand’-”

“-just tell me where my shit is!-”

“-naw, tell me what I don’t understand, (Y/N)! You don’t talk to me enough to understand shit!”

“Why can’t you just tell me where my blunts are! What the fuck is so hard about that!?”

“I’ll tell you when you tell me what the fuck I don’t understand, (Y/N)-”

All of a sudden, a loud crash broke the yelling match that your exchange had broken into. It happened too fast for you to register, but the broken vase that laid on your floor next to your feet spoke enough volumes that your voice could not convey.

“You wanna know what you don’t fucking understand, Ri?!” The volume in your voice caused the other woman to go quiet, a lump forming her throat.

“You don’t understand that I love you, okay? I love you, but I can’t love you, and I can’t love you because I love you-”

There was a pause in your outburst, and when Riri went to open her mouth and release an involuntary ‘what’, you cut her off.

“You make me feel shit that I can’t fucking deal with- I can’t deal with it, cuz I don’t know how! You do little shit, and-and part of me wants to let that shit in but I can’t! Cuz ain’t nobody every do the shit you do to me, make me feel the way you make me feel! All I fucking know is hurt, and pain, and mu’fuckers never doin’ right by me, and you fucking know that! And it’s too much for me to comprehend, too much for me to fucking feel and the only way I can deal with it is with my fucking weed!”

To say that Riri was shocked was an understatement. The guilt that she was feeling was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. Of course, her intentions were never to hurt you or to cause you to have another meltdown, but her actions and language had said otherwise. She had truly fucked up.

“So please, for the last fucking time, just tell me where my shit is, Ri!”

There was a long silence that followed after that. Riri could not look at you, too riddled with guilt to face you head on. And for the first time since your outburst, you noticed just how small and closed in she made herself.

“....behind your game…in the tv stand cabinet…” her voice came out small, meek, as she forced herself to speak and give you the directions to the hidden pack of blunts.

Within the second, you’d went back to the TV stand, retrieved your blunt packets, and Riri heard your footsteps trail off into the distance. Her body flinched as you slammed the front door behind you, leaving Riri to stand alone in the living room in a deafening silence from the mess she created.

Half an hour had passed with you outside, but you could care less about the concept of time. The cold had since penetrated your thin hoodie, but it was a while before your skin could actually feel it, as you were still heated from your argument with Riri. Now that you were in a rational state of mind - as rational as one could be with their mind muddled with cannabis - you replayed the exchange like a loop in your head. The things you did, the words you said.

You’d laid everything bare, and not in the way that you wanted to.

You took a drag from your blunt, your lungs oddly welcoming the sting that accompanied the intake of smoke. Having not smoked at all that day, the thought of it being fresh air to you was ironic, especially with the crisp winter breeze that was competing with the cannabis smoke for room in your lungs. Your head found refuge in your hands, struggling to hold back the tears you desperately wanted to cry, but the voice in your head told you to hold in. The same voice that told you to uphold this stoic persona for protection, and yet, you think it’s actually hurt you more than anything else.

The front door to your apartment building opens behind you as you sit on the steps. While there’s no snow on the ground, there's a light flurry of snowflakes swirling in the wind.

Riri is behind you, hesitant, with a blanket wrapped around her, but big enough for the both of you.

“It’s cold out here,” she speaks, though not confidently like usually, as she slowly approaches your sitting form. When she sees she meets no resistance, she chooses to sit next to you, albeit keeping a slight space between the two of you. She drapes the blanket around your shoulders, and although you don’t show much of a response, she hopes that you’re thankful for the added layer of protection against the cold.

“I’m….I’m sorry, (Y/N)...” Riri confesses. “It was just supposed to be a joke, I didn’t-...I didn’t think shit through…shouldn’t have done it in the first place…”

Without a word, you stood up, letting the blanket fall onto the place you once sat. Your feet took you a few feet away from the staircase of the brownstone apartment building, smoke escaping from your lips as you took another pull of your blunt.

Riri stood up as well, taking the discarded part of the blanket and wrapping it back around herself. “I know I said some shit I shouldn’t have said, okay? It was stupid- I was stupid, and I’m sorry, okay…can you please say something?”

What could you say? What did you want to say? A moment of silence passed before you turned your body to face the engineer that stood on the steps.

She looked beautiful. The snowflakes that made a home in her butterfly locs, her pink nose becoming even more rosy from the cold. A simple appearance to anyone else, but absolutely ethereal to you. It made your chest hurt.

“I’mma be real with you, Ri,” you began, twirling the blunt in your hands with a sigh, “I don’t know what you see in me.”

It was true; till this day you still had no clue why the engineer was even attracted to you. Physical appearance could only go so far, and after a year of talking, what could you had possibly given to Riri for her to like?

“I’m a fucking mess. I can’t even think without a blunt in my hands. I can’t love myself; love is a concept that’s been fucked up for me for the longest…I feel fucking broken because I can’t return the simplest of affection to you, when you do it like it’s nothin’...what could I have possibly given to you for you to stick around for a year and not get tired of me and my bullshit?”

You hadn’t realized that Riri had moved from her position on the steps, and was now in front of you. The engineer reached for your free hand, holding it close to her chest. You could feel her heartbeat, the muscle pounding furiously in her chest.

“It ain’t bullshit, (Y/N),” She starts, and your immediate reaction is to scoff but the eye contact that she holds with you is so unmoving, your body forgets about the action, “and you’re not broken…you’re hurt. And I hate the bitches that did this shit to you, made you think this way, because you’re not, do you hear me?”

Her words create a tightness in your throat, and now, there’s a wetness on your face that isn’t coming from the snowflakes that land on your cheeks.

“I love you…I love you because I know deep down under all that hurt, and pain, and wanting to hide, and being scared of love…there’s a heart in there. Its hiding because it don’t want shit to repeat, but I promise you, if you let me have it…if you let me have your heart…I can make all that go away.”

It was a tempting offer, really. One that you’d kill to hear over and over and over again, but Riri gave it to you without even having to ask. It made you wonder just how much had she given to you, and you were to busy shielding yourself to realize it?

“...you mean that?”

“Would I be out here in the freezin’ fucking cold with you if I didn’t?”

Her words brought some semblance of a laugh from your lips. Your hand began to move on its own - you watched as it broke free from Riri’s hands and instead went to caress her face. It was a small act of affection, but for you it was something incredibly big and hard to do. Yet, there wasn’t a strain in your actions, nor hesitancy. It felt…right.

Your gaze went between the blunt in one hand, and Riri who occupied the other. Gulping down the lump in your throat, your gaze refocused back onto Riri, staring right into her chocolate brown eyes.

“I’m about to do something,” You said, “I’m about to do something, and it’s been a long time since I did it, and-”

“Baby,” Riri interjects, and the pet name she uses for you sent a wave of shivers throughout your body. You couldn’t remember the last time that happened to you. “You ain’t gotta tell me…just do it.”

Your gaze went back to the blunt in your hands, burning away, the smoke from it easily getting lost in the wind. With a deep breath, you tossed the joint onto the concrete ground beneath you, take Riri’s face into both your hands, and brung her in for a kiss you waited a year too long to give her.

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could rely on was your music and a blunt.

But as you stand in the December snow, kissing the woman who you’d been too afraid to give your heart to, a realization comes to you.

The realization that maybe, you could open your heart once more. Maybe you could depend on Riri Williams, too.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

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honeybunniii333 · 1 month

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somethin gay

(Hello, sorry I've been gone. I died of ailment and still am, though I'm a lot better now. So back to work! I was really in the mood for Ed angst. And naturally, I made it gay too.)

"Are you okay?..."

The question caught him off guard, and he wasn't sure exactly how to answer it. Because no one ever really asked him that. Aside from Blue, no one ever seemed to worry over him. Not that Edward blamed them. Why would they worry? He was Edward Quinton, school king! He was always okay. Nothing bad ever happened to him. He was perfect. He wanted it to look that way. He didn't want anyone to worry for him, so he took no offense when no one did. But he was tired, he was drained and overwhelmed. His schedule was far too packed, and he barely had time to think anymore. With sports, school, family issues, friend issues, his status, and all the supernatural stuff he had lately, he was starting to crack.

It would appear he'd slipped up somewhere in his little act because now Isaac was looking at him with that look, that look that said he knew something was wrong with him and God did Ed hate it. He hadn't gotten that look since middle school. Sitting alone in the office covered in bruises cause kids were mean. Adults and children alike looking at him as if he were a poor pathetic stray puppy kicked to the curb.

"I'm fine." it came out harsher than he meant for it to. He hadn't meant to sound so snippy, but it was an instinctual reaction he hadn't yet figured out how to stop. Isaac didn't seem to take offense fortunately, unfortunately, though he didn't seem to buy into his answer either.

"Are you sure..? You look really tired. When's the last time you slept?" The blonde pressed further. He couldn't really remember. He hadn't slept hardly at all this week. He wasn't sure what exactly was causing it, but he just couldn't seem to sleep at night. And it appeared that his prolonged silence had answered whatever questions Isaac had. The little shit had clearly come to his own conclusion, so Ed didn't bother to try answering. There was a long moment of quiet before Ed felt hands on his chest. "Lay down."

"Huh..? why?.." his face scrunched up a bit, but he let his boyfriend push him down and let out a soft oof sound as the smaller boy draped himself over Ed, tucking his face into the crook of his neck and sighing. "You need to sleep, so we're taking a nap." Edward could shove him off if he wanted. He was stronger, and Isaac weighed the equivalent of nothing to him. He was heavy against his chest but not unbearably so... actually, it felt kinda nice. The weight was grounding... in a way he hadn't realized he'd needed until now.

He felt the tension draining out of him as his face flushed, and he wormed his arms out from under Isaac to wrap them around him. "Fine..." he grumbled. He didn't have it in him to fight, and it felt so nice to be close. A hand in his hair, fuzzy blankets pulled up over them. He felt warm, both literally and metaphorically. It was a cheesy thing to think about, he knew, but he couldn't help it. Isaac just did that to him... He let out a soft sigh, his eyes drifting shut as he held the other closer and felt sleep taking him at last. He was supposed to be okay, but he supposed this once he'd allow himself the leisure of vulnerability...

#ibvs #ibvs posts #isaac beamer versus the supernatural #edward quinton #isaac beamer #Haha i could breathe for like 2 weeks #Ed being terrifed of vulnerability and admitting hes not always ok #hes just me #i love them so much #i wanna but them in a blender

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spacesurfing · 10 months

Text

Definition of Peace

Cal Kestis x Reader

(Chapter Five of Defintion)

Summary: Definition of Peace: freedom from disturbance; tranquility.

Warnings: none!!

•--•

You didn't know if it was the atmosphere or the planet itself, but Cal had told Greez and Cere that we would rest on the planet for a day longer before leaving to our next destination. It didn't take anything for you to be on board with that plan. Before boarding The Mantis after returning, you swiftly removed the folded paper and tucked it into the waistband of your pants, handing back the satchel filled with goodies.

It itched your brain the whole night; the anxiety, the curiosity.

The overwhelming feeling that you had just grabbed the puzzle piece of a different puzzle. Or a piece you simply didn't want to use in the first place.

Of course you wanted to know who you were. But you felt a shock jog through you along with the anticipation - what if you didn't want to be who you were meant to What if you wanted to be the girl with her new crew that never knew her full name? The girl that would make her own when the time came. The girl that was finding herself, even if she was finding the version the universe hadn't originally intended.

You took a seat on the curved couch farthest from the opening of the ship, watching Cere come out from her respective room to see what Cal had picked up. Meanwhile, Greez had only been interested in what Cal had bought from the fruit and meat stands.

"You know how rare this stuff is? You can hardly find a nice batch of jogan fruit anywhere in Corusant! They always price it at so high," Greez grumbled, grabbing the clear cannister of jogan fruit and making towards the kitchen.

Cere took out a cloth of scrap metal Cal had salvaged from some trinkets that were laid out in an alley, looking at some of the parts with an interest that you couldn't say you reciprocated. A few loose bolts that she separated into her hand she used to pick at the scraps, curling her fingers around the parts loosely.

"Maybe you can use these to repair BD's scomp link. Would be worth a shot," Cere suggested.

"I'll check in the morning, if I start now I may never get to sleep," Cal said with a chuckle. He looked over at you, "Oh, that reminds me."

His freckled hands both dipped into the string bag that he carried on his back through the markets and pushed around some items he had purchased before pulling out a black utility belt. It seemed to clip on the side, and the opposite side had a large gun holster and few sewn-on pockets. It was brand new, all clean and untattered, making your eyes sparkle as you looked back up at Cal. You hadn't even remembered him buying it, but you remembered when he left you alone to scout. In that time, he must've seen it and quickly purchased it.

He stood in front of you with the belt in his hands. You tipped your head back, looking at the way his features were softer in the shadows away from main lights. He pushed his arms out, presenting the utility belt. Up close, there were a few loops in the front of it, allowing for things to be hung and attached.

"It's yours," Cal said, "I saw it, and I knew immediately it was yours."

You hesitantly reached both your hands out, one picking it up as if it was a fragile piece of glass. As you moved it to rest in the other palm, you ran your thumb over the rough material. Picking it up almost made you feel loved, realizing that this hadn't been something you had asked to have. Looking back up at Cal, you could only feel your body begin to go rigid and your face became wet.

Crying. You were crying again, involuntarily. "Why," your voice shook at the first word, "Why am I crying?"

You went to look over to see if Cere had any input on your emotions, but her and Greez were gone, as if they noticed your tears and left. Cal reached a hand out and touched your face, "Look at me."

You turned your head and followed his words. Cal smiled at you, rubbing away the tears with a thumb, "It happens, I think you've just been overwhelmed recently. How about we go outside for a little, there's something I want to show you."

Cal took the belt out of your hand and set it down on the cushion. Taking the cue, your body stood up straight, waiting for his next move. Your crying stopped, as if his touch and recognition of what was happening was enough to make you feel more in control. Maybe he was really what had been holding you together since you had finally started interacting with other sentients. Cal seemed to piece in the parts of the world that you didn't seem to always catch.

Taking you by the hand, Cal led you down the gangplank. You had left the ship just as the blue was draining from the sky, and replacing that was a new range of color. You watched how they danced across the horizon while waving the sun a goodbye. The sight was new, one you had never caught while lounging on Bogano. The paper felt heavy in your waistband now, but you weren't exactly ready to share it with Cal.

He sat down, pulling your arm gently to sit with him. His legs came to a criss-cross. Your own were pulled up, knees pressing to your chest as you allowed arm to hug your legs together. You kept your left arm extended to keep a grasp on Cal's hand. You didn't feel like you should let go, and Cal was making no movements to release you.

A peach color blended into a yellow, which faded into the pale blue of the sky. It was a view like no other, the fluffy clouds dusted with the reflections of pink and yellow, and orange starting to creep up on the other colors with it's intense hue. You never realized that the sky did that when the sun was setting. There was a word for what you were witnessing, but the more you begged for that word, the further away TeeZee seemed.

The silence that grew between you didn't feel as if it was filled by a thick fog, but instead was thin and content. You didn't need to speak, nor did you always want to. You felt Cal's presence through the way he watched the same sunset that you currently did. You were the first to break when it was time.

"I saw two people today," you noted.

You saw his head turn out of the corner of your eye, but you kept your watch on the sky. He was waiting for you to elaborate.

"It was two women. They were both holding hands, one of them was talking, and the other was watching her. They looked... they looked so happy. But not in..." you turned to look at him, both sharing the same gap that was once between your bodies, "not in a friend way. Not in a blood relation way. They were..."

"-in love?" Cal completed my sentence.

Your lips parted, like he had found the word but it felt foreign.

"Love?" you asked.

Cal's eyebrows ticked up slightly with the forest in his eyes deepening, like they were continuing to watch the path that was yourself. You only knew that you were getting lost in those countless trails.

"Do you know what love is?"

You paused, your eyes panning over his figure. Light-brown dots pressed into his skin and smeared across his hands a little. You mentally noted the way his nose would darken before the tips of his cheeks did, or the way his lips would go dry before his nose darkened.

You shook your head, and that rich forest suddenly got shallow, like Cal had found the right path to follow. And you were always following close behind. A blanket of silence fell over the both of you. It was like time had paused and it was just... you and Cal. You couldn't tell if the world had stopped spinning for him as well, but you hoped you weren't alone in that moment.

When he spoke, his voice was quiet. "It's a... difficult thing to describe. Love is when you care about someone a lot, but usually you know when you feel it."

"Have you ever been in love, Cal?"

He shifted his jaw, chewing at the skin on his bottom lip. "No. Being in love is different from loving someone."

The end of his sentence told you that he didn't know enough to answer all the questions that floated in your mind. You never put together how close in age the both of you were, young and human, still new to the universe.

A call of Cal's name made him finally look at you, seeing the way you intently stared at him. You thought maybe it would make him feel uneasy but it only pulled a smile from him. You returned it. He stood up and wiped off the back of his pants, "You can sleep in my bunk if the nightmares come back, okay?"

Your voice barely spoke up to his volume, a tiny confirmation to his question as he walked back towards The Mantis. The disappearance of his form into the ship allowed your hand to reach under your poncho and into your waistband, pulling out the crinkled paper.

They were still looking for me. They had to be looking for me. You barely convinced yourself. Unfolding the paper felt like edging yourself towards a steep cliff, trying to knock your legs out from underneath you. The name underneath the photo made you feel nauseous. The photo of your toothless grin, the first name, the ship, it all make the poster so much more real.

And there is was at last, a last name that fit you like shoes 10 sizes too big. It might have made sense at one point, but now it had no meaning, no correlation, it made no sense. You folded up the paper and shoved it back in the waistband of your pants, giving the sky your attention once more.

Maybe it made no sense to you, maybe you couldn't relate that name to anything but who you were meant to be. But you could relate it back to two people.

Your parents.

•--•

#cal kestis x reader #cal kestis fluff #cal kestis x reader fluff #star wars x reader #star wars fluff #star wars x reader fluff

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sch-com · 5 months

Text

Specific manifestations of anankastic / obsessive-compulsive PD in my life

see similar post for schizoid PD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Disclaimer: I am going to combine DSM V and ICD10 criteria, and omit those that do not apply to me

Using DSM V + ICD10 criteria for OCPD that are relevant to me:

1/ A preoccupation with order and details that results in the person missing the point of an activity / Perfectionism that hinders the completion of tasks

This manifests in a very classic way for me. I get overfocused on aligning shapes in my presentations instead of focusing on, well, the goal of the presentation. I get fixated on trying to undestand everything in my classes/courses - instead of seeing what the entire course is trying to teach me, I get anxious and feel like a failure for not understaning one concept. It prevents me from moving on and trusting the process.

A big one that deserves it's own point is when I am organising things. I organise everything in my life, and I get into those organisation obsessions. When I am in one, it's all I can think of. How to put those notes in order, where to put this thing, how to create a system that makes perfect sense. Instead of recognising that the organisation part is supposed to help me with the things I am trying to organise, I get obsessed with the details of the organisation system itself.

2/ Undue preoccupation with productivity to the exclusion of pleasure and interpersonal relationships to an extent that is excessive and not explained by economic needs

Very much connected to 3/ for me, more on that there.

When I was still in school, the feeling of obligation was overwhelming. I can't quite even find the words to describe the extent of this feeling. I neglected everything, literally everything to do schoolwork. Sleep, relationships, family, my health, just because I felt this enormous pressure that Have To. I refused to meet with friends, or to watch movies with family, or to do anything fun, or to even go to the doctors because I had homwork, or an exam. And I know everyone does that from time to time, but the frequency and intensity is what made it dysfunctional. Also, as it turns out, it only caused me more harm than good - me getting a good grade 5 years ago absolutely doesn't mean anything anymore now. And me not making any long-lasting relationships? Absolutely does affect me to this day. My priorities were not serving me.

Now I don't have this singular intense big obligation that school was for me, but I still am rather obsessive about trying to gain skills that would make me employable / not useless. Granted, I am failing miserably at that, but it is my main focus. And I still neglect other things and relationships because of work or some other task I deemed an Obligation. I literally work full-time and then study part-time on the weekeds, I don't think I would do that if I cared about friendships or fun...

I can't allow myself to do anything fun / think about anything else when I have an Obligation planned. And it doesn't have to be anything big - even when I Have To buy someone a gift, I will not fully relax as long as I fulfill the obligation. Which is stupid, because there are always things to be done, so I am permanently stuck in this.

And all of the above is so irrational... Like I come from a relatively well-off family. I have had a full time job for a year now, with permanent contract. And yet, I still feel this sense of Danger and that I Have To do all the things, like work and studying, to make sure I don't die (it feels like I will die if I stop).

3/ Reluctance to spend money on oneself or others and a belief that money should be hoarded for emergencies

The motivation for all from point 2/ always has been fear of spending money, fear of being useless, fear of not having the skills for people to employ me and ultimately fear of ending up homeless. I was thinking of this even when I was like 13yo learning geography. I don't know how normal that is. So, I have always saved up as much as I can, to have the money when something bad happens. I am saying when, and not if, because it feels inevitable.

Everything costs money, and when I am afraid of spending it it affects so many aspects of life. I don't go to fun events for which you have to pay. I feel bad going out for dinner with friends, so I isolate instead. I don't buy clothes unless the ones I have are absolutely unwearable. I postpone going to the doctors, or getting tests done when I have to pay. I feel bad even bying basic groceries.

This is a big factor contributning of me not going to therapy, because it's expensive.

I also feel even more guilty when other people spend money on me. Like, I absolutely don't have to work actually, my parents could pay for my university. But it feels too wrong. I can't. I physically can't allow them to.

4/ Reluctance to delegate tasks to or work with others unless things are done his or her way

Pretty related to 1/. Other people just don't care about the details, or doing things right as much as I do (which actually, good for them because I am the one in the wrong, but I can't help it). I hated group assignments in school because of this. And then I would put too much effort into a stupid project that ultimately meant nothing, and so the cycle continues.

On the flip side, it makes me refrain from tasks, jobs or even basic activities which involve other people, because I know I will suffer with trying to ignore the "imperfections", or they will suffer if I nag them about them. So it may be limiting in terms of what I take on. Like not choosing work that I would maybe like / benefit from because it involves groupwork. And let's be honest, in today's complicated world there aren't many things you can do completely alone. All big, important projects involve cooperation.

5/ Excessive conscientiousness and infexibility related to morality or values (not explained by one's culture or religion)

The main value I hold in my life is to cause as little harm as possible. And you know what is the easiest way to cause as little harm as possible? To do as little as possible. I try to not consume much. I isolate because I don't want to hurt anyone with my broken brain. I chose the line of work and study not because I truly want to do them, but because they are viewed as more useful/benefitial than what maybe I would have chosen otherwise. I don't want to be a waste, and a burden.

I also hold some other tangentially related philosophical beliefs, that most likely don't serve me, but they feel too right for me at the moment. To name a few: antinatalism, nihilism, atheism, pessimism (in the philosophical sense). I like to think I could become convinced otherwise, but that I just haven't heard good counterarguments, but I don't know. Some poeple have said to me that I am just stubborn and refuse to listen, so maybe it is my infexlibility and not the weakness of the arguments.

6/ Feelings of excessive doubt and caution

The thing that have defined my life since I can remember is this feeling that the world is a dangerous place. That I am unwanted here and that I have to prove that I deserve to stay. That I have to make the right choices, and be cautious to avoid pain.

It's hard to find specific examples, because it's something so ingrained I can't imagine how I would act otherwise? But even such things as avoiding going out at dark (impossible to do 100% of the time) that made me miss out on fun or important things. I never trust people fully, especially that they will fulfill their obligations to me. I never trust myself - that I deserve to be where I am, and I always feel at danger of getting kicked out of places. I don't trust strangers on the streets to even not attack me, even though it never happened? I could go on and on. I just have this feeling that I always have to watch myself, and my steps, and to prepare for the worst always.

7/ Intrusion of insistent and unwelcome thoughts or impulses

Probably a lot is covered in 6/ as well

I want to also mention my bfrb - skin picking. It's embarrasing to be honest. I pick everywhere, but especially on my shoulders to the point I look like I was burned. I like doing it, but I guess it is unwanted in the sense that I wish I didn't? I don't know, it's complicated.

I would also classify my obsessive need for organisation here. Like sometimes I wish I could just do something, instead of having this need to organise and plan everything neatly first.

For thoughts, it's pretty standard talk of not being enough, of not working hard enough, of comparing myself to others. I recently also started having flashbacks to random memories. I don't particularly want to think about the past anymore, and I wish they would stop.

I also get some thoughts that are like what many people think is going on in OCD - I get anxious about not locking the door, not turining off the oven, stuff like that. I do occasionally have to go back and check to calm myself, and even after I do I still think "but what if I didn't???". A big and constant one is thinking I lost/forgot my keys, wallet and phone all the time even though I am literally touching them in my pocket lmao. I don't think it's to the extent of a person with OCD though.

Fighting all of that just takes a lot of brainpower in my day-to-day, and that is pretty distressing itself because then I will spend my brainpower on thinking about how much brainpower I am using on those things? Ridiculous cirular thinking, that I am also experiencing in other aspects, but this post is long as it is.

#schcomtalk #anankastic personality disorder #obsessive compulsive personality disorder #ocpd #cluster c

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booobooothefool · 1 year

Text

He spent so much time on them and for me he got lazy

Oh my sweet holy angels...this was something I started after Indigenous day last year (2021) but never got back around to finishing it. I've been having really bad writers block and haven't been able to finish writing the Dark!Thor fic (that I also started back in 2021) yet, but it's like 2/3rds of the way done...a lot has changed since I last posted a fic...for example I recently decided to take a break from school and dropped out of this fall term...I've also been working overtime so yeah...finally had a day off today and I spent it finishing this piece of junk... anyways, hope ya'll enjoy this trash dumped from my overworking brain (๑~๑) I also refuse to proof read...and I will die on this messy anti-beta reading hill (because my eyes hurt and I am too lazy to bother) this is also 8,798 f*cking words..so yeah

-Growing up, you were all alone until you met Steve and you two bonded over being outcasts, but after the serum, you're left all alone again...or are you?

*18+!!!*

WARNING: horrible grammar, NOT edited, bad English (please be nice I know my English is bad, it’s not my first language 🥺) mentioning of unprotected sex (wrap your willy before you get silly), mean and dark Steve, angsty, fat-shaming, ED, pregnancy, noncon, breath play, choking...honestly read at your own risk because I am a warning all on my own

...

You had the biggest crush on Steve Rogers, you fell for him the day you met him. The scrawny little boy who stood up for you when a group of kids cornered you and berated you for your weight, acne, and stubby stature. You two would get made fun of, pointed and laughed at whenever you two went out together, so instead you both would meet privately, getting away from your harsh reality to somewhere no one could disrupt you two, your shared safe space. You two began to date secretly, no one knew about you two, not even Bucky knew. When Steve would get set up with another pretty girl that was friends with Bucky's latest flame, you couldn't help but to worry if he'd lose interest in you. Steve would always reassure you that he'd never fancy such shallow women, that he only had eyes for you.

When Steve first told you that he was accepted and would be leaving soon to join the army, you fought every fiber in your body to not break down and beg him to stay, you understood that this was Steve's dream. That was the night you lost your virginity to Steve, holding him close before he would leave you for war. After Steve left you cried as you held onto the shirt he left behind for you, allowing yourself to let go off all the emotions you refused to show to within his presence.

Steve would come and visit whenever he could, whenever he came back, you two would spend most of your time together in bed, wrapped up in the sheets with every inch of your bare bodies touching. After Steve wrote and explained to you that he had received the serum you did your best to not let your fears get the better of you, this was good for Steve, he was healthier, happier, and could now achieve all his dreams with less roadblocks in his way. Steve stopped visiting just before receiving the serum, all you had left of him were his letters, but when those became more and more scarce you had to remind yourself that Steve had more responsibility now that he was the face of America, THE Captain America.

Your parents had sent you to buy things from town for dinner, as you were browsing the store shelves your eye caught a familiar blond man. He must’ve felt you watching him, Steve looked up and it was as if he was a child caught stealing candy. “Doll!” He quickly recovered and suddenly you were engulfed in muscular arms, “Y/n, what are you doing here? I was planning to surprise you.” You couldn’t reply and only stared at Steve with wide eyes, you hadn’t seen him with the serum and felt overwhelmed by his tall and muscular frame, you awkwardly returned his sudden hug.

"What happened to you Stevie? Why are you so..." you paused, your tongue stuck on what words to use that wouldn't be impolite and rude.

"Big? Healthy? Strong? Well it's thanks to the serum doll." Steve smiled down at your with his breath taking boyish smile, the same one that always made you swoon. "I've got something I must tend to, can you meet me at the Wellington Hotel? I am in room 214, be there by 10 sharp." Too stunned to realized what was happening you simply nodded your head as Steve roughly pulled away and left you standing in the aisle with all your questions and words floating in the unspoken air around you. After standing in the aisle like an odd buffoon, you managed to collect yourself and process what had just really happened. As you finished getting what you were instructed to and on your way home, you couldn't help but to wonder why Steve was staying in a hotel and not in his apartment that you helped upkeep for him in his leave, he still paid the rent regularly, you would know because you had just been there not too long ago to dust and care for his things so that they wouldn't ware away with time.

Your eldest brother's fiancé Jenny had asked for your help at the sewing mill, but instead of going you decided to use it as a cover to go meet Steve. You'd already talked to your parents and Jenny about working tonight so they wouldn't question where you were, and with the war becoming so intense they also wouldn't question you about when you'd return. Many people often found themselves working day and night in order to try and do their part for the country. Your father and brothers worked to scrap metal for the war, your mother worked to feed the family on rations, and you worked at the local sewing mill.

You did your best to be discreet in order to not draw any attention when you got to the hotel, it was indecent for an unmarried young woman to be meeting a man in a hotel like this. You carefully knocked on the door of room 214 and twiddled with your fingers nervously, you yelped when the door suddenly opened and you were yanked into the dark the room. "Wha-" Before you could finish speaking, you were silenced by Steve's hand covering your mouth.

"No one saw you coming here did they? You didn't tell anyone you were coming to see me did you?" You pulled Steve's hand away from your mouth and huffed a few breaths of air before replying, "No, it would be indecent, I made sure to be careful." Steve seemed to relaxed and sighed in relief, "Good, I don't want to risk anyone knowing." You wanted to question Steve as to what he meant and why the lights were off in the dark room but before you could ask him he was already pulling at your clothes and kissing your jaw, your mind clouded as you melted like goo in his arms.

You gasped as Steve lifted you and wrapped your legs around his waist, something you two had never done before due to your size differences. He walked you over to the bed and threw you onto it, he open the front of your dress and pushed down your bra as he slid down your body while his mouth bit and sucked its way down from your jaw to your breasts. The room filled with the sounds of your panting and moans of needing more, but Steve didn't seem to make a sound. When you reached up to hold Steve close, he roughly pulled away from your touch and grabbed your wrists, holding them down with one hand as he used his other to bunch up your dress around your hips and ripped your underwear off to place himself at your entrance. You could feel that he still had all his clothes on and had simply taken his cock out of his pants. Without warning Steve shoved himself inside of you, when you opened your mouth to scream from the pain of not being prepared properly Steve slammed his free hand over you mouth, covering your nose as well. As he barbarically pumped in and out of you, he finally began to moan, and instead of your name coming from his lips, Steve repeated another woman's name.

Peggy.

Your tears wouldn't stop as you felt yourself losing consciousness from the lack of air and pain of Steve's brutal thrusts. As you tried to free your hands and shook your head violently side to side in hopes of removing his hand from blocking your airways, you felt yourself becoming more and more tired until everything eventually faded and you lost consciousness.

It was still dark out when you woke up, you found yourself laying sprawled out on the floor in the cold with nothing covering you. Carefully gathering yourself and doing your best to stand on your aching legs as your neither regions screamed in pain, you looked around for Steve and saw him sleeping peacefully on the bed. When you couldn't stand anymore due to the painful aftermath of what Steve did to you, you decided to settle on the edge of the bed, but as soon as you sat Steve suddenly kicked you off onto the floor.

"Get out, people will be waking up soon." You sat stunned, unable to move as you replayed his words in your head over and over again. "Did you not hear me?" Steve got up from the bed and roughly grabbed your arm and dragged you towards the door, "Fix your rags and get out."

"Steve..."You felt as though the air was suddenly as hard as the bricks that made up the walls around you.

"Y/n, I gave you what you wanted, now get out. I will not be repeating myself." Steve's nose flared in anger as he glared into your soul.

"I...I thought you loved me?" Your tears began to fall again, your mind scrambled, unable to understand what was happening.

"Y/n, look at yourself and then look at me. I am every woman and man's dream, why would I be with someone like you? You are fat, your face is covered in acne scars and you are far too short for me. My status is too high to be associated with someone like you. Before the serum I was just as much a loser as you, but now I am the image of perfection, I cannot be with someone who is the definition of 'other'. After I received the serum I came to the realization that we couldn't be together anymore, I've also met someone else...last night was just me making sure that I truly loved her, and it can also be seen as a goodbye to you. I used to feel guilty, but being with you last night made me realize that your body does nothing but disgust me now that I've been with the true love of my life. Now get out before people start waking up, or else I will call for security and tell them that you are a crazy woman who came in here in hopes of harassing Captain America." Steve didn't spare you another look as he opened the door and gestured for your to leave. You quietly gathered yourself and limped out of the room as he shut the door behind you before you could turn around to say goodbye to him.

You limped and made it home before the sun finished rising, you decided to shower and scrubbed yourself clean of evidence from the previous night, hoping to scrub away the pain of Steve's brutal assault and his words with the crusted cum on your legs and breasts. After you finished cleaning off, you decided to sleep in hopes of sleeping away the pain and to avoid seeing your parents in your current mental state. No one disturbed your sleep, thinking that you had spent the whole night at the mill working.

When you finally awoke, you didn't know what to do or think...you seemed to go through the days with little to no emotions, you became quieter and withdrew from everyone around you more and more, feeling disgusted with yourself and replaying Steve's cruel words over and over again in your head, you began to skip meals. When asked about your sudden change, you simply blamed it on the stress of war times and that worked, until you came down with what you thought was a stomach bug that wouldn't leave. But even then you ignored it, even when your clothes started shrinking despite you starving yourself, or when your monthlies never came, you ignored all the signs and evidence of that night until you couldn't anymore. One night after you came home from the mill you found you parents and brothers all sitting in the dining room waiting for you.

"Sit y/n." Your father sat at the head of the table, in this house his word was the law. You sat and looked down at the table, refusing to look up and meet the eyes of your family members or down at your lap that was covered by your growing middle. "William asked Jenny about what happened at the mill four months ago, specifically the night when you limped home and refused to speak to anyone before sleeping the whole day and night away. She said that you never made it to the mill, so tell us y/n, if you did not go to the mill then who did you meet? Because whoever it is, I know that they are the father of that bastard child you are caring." You felt the tears fall one at a time until suddenly, all at once. You finally let yourself go and allowed the sobs to take over your body as everything you'd been ignoring came crushing down on you.

"Oh dear..." your mother came to your side and held you in her arms as your sobs violently shook throughout your body. She carefully wiped away your tears and whispered soft words to you. "What happened dear, tell mom, I won't be mad. Please, you are my only daughter, I've seen how you no longer smile, how you've become withdrawn and dulled."

After a few hiccups, you finally managed to whisper out the words you'd been dreading to face, "I was raped..." As the words left your tongue, your sobs grew louder and you felt your body give out, falling slack into your mother's safe embrace. Your brothers sucked in a breath and your father sat stunned, they seemed to piece together your mother's words and observations with their own experiences with you the last few months and digested it alongside the three horrid words you spoke aloud.

"Y/n..." Your eldest brother William whispered your name and looked at your broken state as the rest his words died before he could speak them. There were always stories of young girls being assaulted, but that was something that only happened to other people...except now it had happened to you, their little sister, and they didn't know what to do or feel.

"Did you see how he looked like?" Your father's voice cracked, betraying him as he tried to hold a strong front at the head of the table. You didn't trust yourself to reply, unable to lie to your family anymore, so instead all you did was cry harder, conflicted with what you were facing. Your mother cried tears of her own as she hushed you like a child and held you closer to her, she looked up at your father with pleading eyes and he understood what she was asking. Even without words, your mother's pained eyes pleaded at your father to not force you to speak and relive the pain you'd experienced that night, and although he wanted to know more in order to try and help you, he complied to your mother's unsaid plea and nodded at your brothers to hold their tongues. "Y/n, you are my only daughter, your mother and I love you very much. But in order to protect you, we must send you away. Your late uncle left your mother his farm, it is far but also close enough that we can come to visit you from time to time...it would be safest and best for you to live there. If you stay here then people will talk, and both you and your child may become endangered due to gossip."

You held your mother tighter, shoving your face further into her chest as you nodded and tried to drown out the sniffling of your brothers silently crying around the family table. The rest of the night was spent packing your things, by morning your things were all loaded into your brother John's work car and everyone waved goodbye to you as your parents drove you away from your childhood home.

When you arrived at the deserted farm your father unloaded the car as your mother helped you clean and unpack some of your things, the drive had taken a full day and night of traveling. You felt guilty and insisted your parents rested a day or two before they returned home, but because of work they ended up only staying that day before starting the drive back.

A month passed and you slowly became accustomed to the house, you worked to sew and fix up old clothes and shoes that Jenny would have William give to John whenever he came by to drop off necessities for you. Your belly grew bigger and it soon became harder to do things around the house, you often found yourself walking around barefoot on the cold hard wooden floors since it had become too hard to bend and put on your socks and shoes. Because John would come to drop off things for you to help patch up, you were able to make a few pennies on the side to prepare for the baby's arrival. You also sent letters home with him and received many from each member of your family, especially your mother.

But John suddenly stopped coming, and then your mother sent a letter through the mail telling you not to try and contact home until John came back. She didn't detail why but you felt that maybe some folks from back home may have started gossiping about your sudden departure, so you respected your mother's wish and stopped writing as instructed and waited for her to write you again or for John to visit and let you know of when this sudden ban would be lifted.

After 2 months of nothing but silence, you became worried. You wanted to return home to see if everything was alright, but now that you were around 6-7 months pregnant, you decided against it and did your best to sit tight in the nearly empty house. You missed seeing your brother, you often found yourself sitting in silence with your ears subconsciously searching for the sound of an old engine, hoping that John would be back to collect the items you'd patched up and with letters from your family with him.

One night while you were upstairs getting ready for bed, your ears caught the sound of an engine. You thought maybe your mind was play tricks, but the sound got closer and before your knew it, your legs began to waddle their way as fast as possible through the house. From the window you could see that there was a vehicle in the front of the house, you were a bit confused at first, you knew what John's work car looked like and it definitely wasn't the one outside, but you chose to ignore the bad feeling at the pit of your stomach after reminding yourself that only your family knew you were out here in the middle of nowhere.

There was a loud knock at the front door and you tried to fasten your pace to go open the door to greet your family after not seeing them for so long. Who you came face to face with stunned you, your instinct kicked in and just as quickly as you'd opened the door, you shut it again and locked it.

"Open the door right now doll, you don't know what I've gone through in order to be here." Steve banged his fist against the door over and over, each one harder than the last, "if you don't open the door then you're gonna regret it. I'm serious y/n, how do you think I found you? I have your family and if you don't open this door then you're never gonna see them ever again." Afraid of what he'd do to your family, you quickly unlocked and opened the door for him.

"What are you doing here?" Your words wavered like your bravery, showcasing your fear.

"Why else would I be here doll, I'm here for you and our child." You stared at Steve and carefully studied his features, he looked older, rougher, his hair was no longer the bright blond it was those months ago, it was now a darker dirty blond. After a while of standing and staring at each other in silence, Steve carefully pushed his way inside. "I know you must have more questions, but I'll explain more inside."

You numbly led him into the living room and stood away from him "Where is my family? What have you done to them?"

"I'll get to that doll, first come here and let me hold you, it's been so long since I've seen you." Steve walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you before you could get away.

"Let me go Steve, tell me where my family is now." You tried to pull away from his embrace but Steve just held you tighter.

"You know y/n, your reaction is a bit different from your family's..did you know I went missing? That I was presumed dead after saving the world by diving myself and a plane loaded with a bomb into ice cold water?" You scrunched your eyebrows together, not understanding anything Steve was saying, he was very clearly alive and in front of you. As if understanding something Steve laughed bitterly as he released you from his embrace and grabbed your upper arms to shake you, "You didn't know? You claim to love me and yet you didn't know that I, the father of your child, died?" He paused to think for a second and scoffed, "Well I guess it does make sense that you wouldn't know, after all, you're out here in the middle of nowhere all alone."

"Steve I don't know what you're talking about or what you want, so please just tell me where my family is and leave me alone." You became more and more frightened by Steve's odd behavior and the crazy things he was saying.

Steve shook his head and looked down at you, "Your family is safe y/n, they put up quite a fight when I came back from the dead to find you. They kept claiming that you'd gotten married and left, but I already knew the truth, I knew that you hadn't left because you got married. I checked for your records when I woke up in the future y/n, couldn't help but wonder what happened to you after I found out that Peggy went off and married, she lived a happy life without me. Should've known that the bitch would move on as easily as she was to fuck. But imagine my surprise and pain when I found out that you'd died in childbirth around 9 to 10 months after we'd spent our last night together?" Steve's hold on you became rougher, he pulled you to him and neared your face, "Imagine that y/n, learning that the one person who ever truly loved me, died trying to give birth my child all alone in a bathtub in the middle of nowhere with no one to be there for her in her last moments. I tried to find your and our child's resting place you know, but everywhere I looked all landed in a dead end, because you two were buried in some unmarked grave on a piece of random land that your parents sold after you died. If your brother hadn't confessed what happened to you on his death bed, then I never would've known about any of this." you gasped in pain as Steve's hold on your upper arms became unbearable, Steve held you closely against him, your bump being squished against his hard body.

Steve seemed to be deep in his own mind when you felt a strong kick from the baby, expressing their displeasure at being woken up from how hard Steve was squishing your bump between you two. Steve's eyes widened and his hold on you softened, he pulled back carefully and looked down at your bump. As if on cue, the baby decided to kick again and Steve saw the way your stomach slightly stretch out where the baby had kicked, he carefully placed his right hand over the spot and felt the baby kick a third time. Steve started crying as he fell to his knees and hugged your waist and rested his head on you stomach.

"I'm so sorry y/n, I never should’ve left you or did what I did to you. But I'm back now, and I can fix things, I swear, I'm not gonna let you and our baby die this time." You tried to pull away from Steve but with every attempted tug, he held on tighter and sobbed harder.

"Steve please get up..." You became more uncomfortable, but no matter how confused or scared you were, you also understood that this wasn't your Steve, this Steve was someone else, someone broken and far more dangerous. You had to be careful not to provoke him. Steve stood and hugged you, he buried his nose in you hair and inhaled the smell of your hair.

"I'm gonna make this right y/n, we're gonna be a happy family. Just like we always used to talk about." You didn't say anything, too afraid of this fragile yet dangerous man...all you did was nod slowly and carefully pulled away from him.

"You seem tired, how about we get some rest and talk more about this in the morning, it's getting very late... I understand what you said, but it's just hard to process... there's a spare room upstairs, you must be tired from driving..." You spoke with a soft tone, careful to not trigger the strange Steve, hoping that he would take this is an act of submission and he wouldn't become aggressive like before.

After leading Steve to the spare room, you returned to your room to sleep. As you were about to fall asleep Steve suddenly barged into your room. You'd debated locking your door earlier but decided against it, too afraid of possibly provoking Steve. Before you could question if he needed anything, Steve walked to your bed and climbed in alongside you and pulled you to his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head. "I can't sleep without you, I need to hold you. After everything I-... I refuse to spend another night without you in my arms." As uncomfortable as you felt, your fear greatly outweighed it, so all you did was nod your head and pat Steve's back in hopes of pleasing the stranger with a familiar face. After some time, you felt Steve's breathing even out and you followed him into your own dreamless sleep.

During the middle of the night you woke up with the intense need to pee, as you were carefully untangling yourself from Steve you accidentally woke him up. "What are you doing?" His rough and booming voice scared you.

"The baby is pressing on my bladder, I have to pee..." he hummed and released you from his hold.

"Hurry back." you nodded and headed to the bathroom out in the hall to do your business. After you finished peeing, you noticed the dry feeling in your throat and decided to get some water from the kitchen. While on your way back upstairs from the kitchen you passed the living room and saw the keys to Steve's car, you looked back and forth between the set of keys and the stairs leading up to where Steve slept, unaware of the idea that popped in your head.

You quietly grabbed the keys, slipping on an old pair of shoes that were too big for your feet, you carefully opened the front door as quietly as you could and walked out into the night towards the car. As you were unlocking the car and getting in to try and adjust the seat you saw the living room lights turn on and the front door swing open. Steve face twisted into the most horrendous look of anger you'd ever seen in your many years of being alive. Panicked, you shoved the keys into the emission and started the car.

"Y/n get the fuck out of the car right now and come here before I break your fucking legs." Steve marched his way towards the car, just as he was about to grab onto the car's doorhandles you stepped on the gas and drove away. As your sped away you heard the Steve growl angrily. You didn't know where to go, but you knew that you had to get away from here and closer to civilization. As you were speeding down the road you caught a glimpse of Steve running alongside the car, afraid you tried to press on the gas but that didn't seem to work. Before you knew it, Steve jumped onto the car and yanked off the passenger door handle, you stepped onto the brakes with full force and threw Steve off the car. The car swerved out of control and fell into a ditch, crawling your way out of the car, you felt your left leg shooting with pain, as you looked down at it you saw your bone sticking out. As you laid panting on the side of the road, you placed your arms around your bump and was thankful to feel the baby kicking away to show their unhappiness at the situation. You turned your head when you heard footsteps approaching you, look at the cut up bare feet and all you felt was despair course its way throughout your being, how had Steve survived?

He didn't say anything as he crouched down and pulled up your nightgown to check your stomach, spreading you legs apart to look between your thighs, "There's no bleeding, that's good, means you didn't hurt our baby pulling that dumb stunt of yours." He roughly grabbed your left leg and looked at the bone sticking out, without another word he grabbed your right leg with both his hands and snapped it at the knee, breaking it too, you screamed from the excruciating pain, "I told you I'd break your legs if you didn't listen. This your own fault doll."

Steve stood up and went to open the trunk of the car, "You know, I wanted to keep my words and let you see your family, to let you say your goodbyes before I returned with you despite my displeasure at them for keeping the both of you away from me for two whole months, but now that you've done this, I won't feel any guilt for refusing you your goodbyes." Steve came back with some weird looking clothes in hand, he first put it on himself before he stripped you and put the clothes on you as well. Steve pulled out some weird devices and scooped you into his arms bridal style before the world around you swirled together into weird shapes and colors, blurring together into muddled nonsense before everything went black.

You woke up feeling completely numb, you couldn't feel your arms or legs. The memories of what happened came crashing all at once, causing you to have a bad headache. As you opened your eyes you tried to ask for help, but instead of words rolling off your tongue, you moaned out unintelligible nonsense, alerting the nurse checking your vitals that you were awake.

"Oh, you're awake, I'll go get Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark, and Dr. Banner." The nurse walked away without further explanation and didn't to try and comfort your very clearly distressed self. Not long after she left, Steve and two strange men came into the room.

"The baby's fine, she's got a few broken bones, but considering that you were the one who deliberately caused one, I'd say there’s really not much to worry about. Just monitor her injuries for infection and try to get her some more nutritious food, the tests came back with some slightly worrisome lack of proper vitamins." The man with glasses explained to Steve with a small smile on his face, acting as if this was all normal and Steve purposely breaking one of your legs was a sort of joke between them.

"I had some people move and set up some things for her at your house. Pepper also had a field day with the baby prep stuff, just like when she went on a spree when we had Morgan." The man who spoke had an arm that didn't look human, he was holding a weird piece of glass in his hands spoke without ever bothering to look up from the weird thing in his hands.

"Thank you both, tell the rest of the team I said thanks to them too, everyone has been so helpful." Steve smiled at the two men and walked up to the side of the bed, he caressed your head and bent down to kiss your forehead.

These people were insane, how could they act as is this was normal. "No need to thank us Steve, you deserve some happiness, we all do...we've all been through so much." A woman with red hair suddenly spoke up from the door, she walked over and hugged Steve. "It's good to see you back, some of us worried when you didn't com back sooner."

"Hey Nat, sorry, got held up dealing with some people when I went back." Steve chuckled and shook his head, they all continued to ignore your presence and spoke amongst themselves before they all eventually excused themselves and went off to do their own thing.

"Well doll, those were some very important people, I'm glad you behaved. Bruce and Dr. Cho both gave the OK so we'll be going home after the ultrasound later." You again tried to say something but nothing came out, only a weak and course croaking sound came out. Steve quickly stepped towards you and carefully helped you drink some lukewarm water that was resting on the table beside you. "Sorry doll, your throat must be so dry."

After drinking some water with Steve's help you took a few deep breaths and looked up at him, "Where are we?" Your words so soft that it could've been mistaken for the wind blowing through the window.

"We're in the compound's hospital suite, after the OBGYN finishes giving one last ultrasound we can head home." Steve smiled down at you with a glint of a crazed look at the back of his eyes. He sat on a chair beside your bed and held your hand in his, he kissed your knuckles, drawing your attention to where he kissed you saw a shiny ring on your ring finger. "After the baby is born and you've completely healed, we can hold a beautiful ceremony. For now just focus on getting better doll." You realized what he meant and scrunch up your face is disgust, how could he expect you to marry him after all that he's done to you.

"I want to go home Steve...please...I'm sorry...please just let me go home..." you didn't know what else to do besides plead for Steve to let you go home.

"I know doll, we'll go home after they check on the baby one last time." He smiled at you reassuringly, clearly not understanding what you meant by home. Before you could correct him and explain, a woman came in with a strange machine contraption, she introduced herself as being a doctor and explained that she was going do something weird so that you could somehow see your baby on the machine, you didn't understand what she was saying but Steve kept nodding and seemed to understand everything. The doctor moved exposed your belly, she placed a weird substance on it and used an odd object to push along and spread the substance around your belly. The machine showed weird shapes as she moved the object around, she smiled and stopped when a big weird shape that looked slightly human-like showed on the machine. She turned and touched some things on the machine before the room was filled with the sound of a loud steady beating.

"That is your baby on the screen and their heartbeat sounds very strong." Steve had tears in his eyes as he held your hand and looked at the shape on the machine, you didn't fully understand, but you did understand that you were looking at your baby and you were hearing their heartbeat. The doctor moved the object and pushed into your stomach slightly as if searching for something and faced to you when she did find whatever it was that she was looking for, "Congratulations, you're having a boy Mr and Mrs. Rogers." she continued explaining more and talked with Steve for a bit, but you drowned out their conversation, all you could focus on was the news she'd given you. When you came back to, the doctor had cleaned everything up and was saying her goodbyes as she left.

Steve carefully helped you put on a loose dress and carried you onto a wheelchair that a nurse had brought in after the doctor left, he wheeled you past strange rooms filled with even stranger things. After placing you in a weird yet comfortable car, Steve drove you through a city covered in large screens that displayed odd images with vibrant colors, people wore weird clothes as he drove past them. Steve did not seem phased at any of this, acting as if this was all normal to him, "I know, it can be overwhelming at first doll, but don't worry too much about getting used to it, we won't be surrounded by all this at the house." You wanted to say something, ask all the questions that tornado'ed around in your mind..but you were left speechless and overwhelmed. As Steve continued to drive, you slowly felt the hum of the car moving lull you to sleep.

"Come on doll, I know you must be so exhausted, but you gotta wake up and eat some food." Steve's soft voice woke you up, this time when you looked around, you saw that you were in a room full of sharp looking objects, there was no warmth around. "I know, everything looks very monochrome and modern, but that's just Tony's style, we can get stuff and decorate the house more to your liking after you get better." Steve carefully helped you sit up on the soft bed and hand fed you food he blew on to chill.

You closed your mouth and turned your head, refusing to eat the weird food that he was trying to feed you. "Steve...where are we...I want to go home, I don't know what’s going on and why you're doing this or what I've done, but please just take me home. I don't know what you want, but I'll try to give it to you...please...just let me go home...I wanna see my family..." you cried as you finally managed to voice your pleas to Steve. He let out a frustrated sigh and placed the food on the table beside the bed.

"Y/n, you are home. I'm doing this for us, I know I hurt you with how I left, but I'm doing my best to make it up to you alright? I travelled through time just to bring you to the future so that we could have the life we always dreamed of. As for your family...that is your own fault, if you'd just listened to me then I would've let you see them and say your goodbyes, but instead you decided to put yourself and our baby in danger. Please stop crying and looking at me as if I'm a monster, I'm doing this for us, for our little family." Steve placed his hand on your bump and caressed it lovingly, "When I first came out of the ice and realized that I'd lost nearly 70 years, I felt lost and broken. Then after I managed to learn and adapt, I looked for answers. When I learned that Peggy had lived happily without me, I felt defeated, I'd saved the country and countless lives, but it cost me my own life and happiness. While I grieved the lost of Peggy, I had a dream of you one night. After that dream I remembered how I'd broken your heart and wondered what'd happened to you, so I searched for answers...at first every lead I had led to a dead end, it was as if you'd disappeared off the face of the earth...that was until I found out that your brother William was still alive, I eventually managed to arrange a visit with him and told him we were old friends in school, that we'd bonded because of our loser statuses and he opened up like red sea did for Moses. He told me about how your parents sent you away to live on a farm all alone after your family had found out you were pregnant after getting raped. He told me about how your brother John always drove back and forth between home and the farm house, how overtime John became frustrated and irritated that he was always the one who had to drive back and forth, he told me about how you would never talk about your rape, how John became suspicious that you knew who it was and was trying to protect their identity. William wept as he told me about how John had refused to come see you after you'd refused to talk to him about who had assaulted you. He barely managed to make out the explanation of how John and him found you dead and covered in your own blood, you’d died trying to give birth in a cold bathtub, all alone. How John blamed himself for refusing to drive to check up on you, William also detailed to me about how the guilt ate at John until he couldn't live with himself anymore and he took his own life as well.".

Steve reached out for your left hand and played with the shiny ring he'd placed on your finger without your permission, "When I asked where you and our baby was buried, William just stared off and said that he couldn't remember, that your family had buried you in what used to be the garden of flowers before you parents sold the old farm off to a company. When he couldn't grasp why I was so invested in what happened to you, I revealed to him the truth. That I'd been the one who raped you, I told him everything and I watched as your brother died of anger, frustration, and heartache. I could've called for a nurse or doctor, but I didn't I watched him die a slow, pained, and guilt-filled death. What I did to you wasn't right, but how your family casted you away and left you and our unborn child to die alone in a cold bathtub in the middle of nowhere was worst." You trembled and tried to pry your hand away from Steve's hold but he just clicked his tongue and continued to play with your fingers.

"I lived in regret, you'd spent your life loving me...truly loving me, and I'd thrown that away for someone who couldn't even wait a proper mourning period for me...but you, you died trying to bring a piece of me into this world..." Steve was beyond delusion, you hadn't gone through the pregnancy for him. Steve had built this narrative of his own, he believed that you'd died trying to birth a part of him so you could stay close to him, when in reality, it was simply because this was YOUR child who you loved, not because it was Steve's.

Before you could correct him, Steve went on, "When Tony found a way to go back to the past it hadn't even crossed my mind to use it to come back to you, in fact when I saw Peggy again I'd forgotten all about you, the old feelings of what I felt for her came rushing back...when I went back to return the stone to her timeline, I had planned to stay with her, but I saw that she had already moved on and I was beyond furious until I remembered you and our baby..." Steve released your hand and began to caress where your baby was starting to kick, "I came back and explained everything to the team, they all agreed that I deserved my happy ending too, so I traveled to the past one last time, this time it was to bring you two home, to save you two from your untimely deaths."

You didn't know if Steve somehow delusionally believed that his explanation was supposed to woo you, but you did know that it did just the opposite of that. "But your family was so selfish, they'd refused to tell me where you were, and when I'd confessed that I was the father of your child, they refused even more...so I did what I do best, I beat it out of them. It took your family two long months before William cracked after I threatened his precious Jenny. Despite how annoyed I was with them for keeping us apart for even longer, I was still willing to let you say goodbye and see them one last time before I brought you back to the future with me...but then you just had to pull that dumb stunt with the car..." Steve looked up at you and smiled smugly. "Y/n, this is home now. We'll be happy here, you can never leave me, you don't know anything about the future, and I plan to keep it that way. I'll never let you go now that I've finally got you back."

Steve climbed on top of you as he revealed your future to you. You tried to move away from him but stop when he purposely put pressure on your broken legs, "Don't provoke me y/n..." In a swift move, Steve tore off the blanket that separated you from him. Like a crazed animal he ripped off the loose dress you still wore, "God, I wanted to wait until you healed, but it's been so long since I've been in you doll." Steve squeezed your breasts with no remorse, your breasts leaked and squirted milk everywhere. Steve moaned loudly at the sight, he bent down and began to suck on your right nipple, drinking as if he'd been deserted for days without water. Just when you thought he was going to stop after he released your right nipple from his mouth, Steve began to suck and bite your left nipple as well, coaxing your breasts to continue feeding him its nectar.

Steve's hands roamed you body, rubbing their way all over until one of his hands wandered its way between your thighs and found the very sensitive nub you always tried to avoid touching after accidentally brushing over it once when you were showering. You thrashed you body around, trying to remove his hand from it, "Do you know what this is doll?" Steve gripped your hip and forced you still with his left hand as his right thumb rubbed circles around the nub between your thighs, "This is your clit...god you don't even know all the things I'm gonna do to you, if you thought what we used to do as teens was good, then you're gonna die of bliss from what I'll do to you tonight."

You felt your body grow warmer as an unknown feeling bundled at the pit of your stomach near your bladder. Steve continued to rub your 'clit' and ignored your pleas for him to stop, you began panting harder and harder, trying to catch your breath as the bundle of nerves near your bladder threatened to break loose. Steve bent his head and bit down on your right nipple, throwing you over the edge and breaking the bundle of nerves loose. Your back arched up, thrusting your breasts up towards Steve as your breasts both squirted and leaked milk everywhere and your thighs shook violently as the bundle of nerves near your bladder broke, you sobbed in humiliation as you felt and believed that you had just urinated on the bed. Steve moaned loudly and brought his right hand up to examine it, his hand was covered in a clear substance. You knew that the liquid like goo on his hand had come from your outburst, and to your utter shock, Steve licked and sucked his hand clean. "Fuck, doll, you taste to fucking good." You covered your eyes, refusing to look at Steve after what he just did to you. "Ah, ah, ah...what a bad girl...don't you dare look away from me." Steve grabbed your hands and roughly tied them behind your back with his belt, you hadn't even realized that he'd taken off his pants and shirt while his was drinking your breastmilk.

Steve lifted you like a rag doll and made you sit on his lap, your back on his front and making you face a big screen that was on the wall at the foot of the bed. "Jarvis, replay the footage of y/n cumming." After Steve spoke to no one, the screen suddenly lit up and displayed you sobbing and moaning lewdly as your back arched and spread breast milk everywhere. "See that doll? God you look so fucking gorgeous cumming like such a cock-hungry whore." As As horrified as you felt from watching yourself on the screen, you also couldn't concentrate because of Steve's hand that was once again rubbing your 'clit'. Steve slid two of his fingers inside you, making you throw your head back from the feeling of being stuffed with something after neglecting your needs for so long. "Jarvis, display live footage." the screen switched to you sitting on top of Steve who had his fingers pumping in and out of you and his thumb rubbed your clit. Steve used his free hand to force you to look at the screen. "Look at yourself doll, what a lovely whore you are...keep your eyes on the screen as I make you come again." Steve curled his two fingers inside of you and pressed up against a sensitive patch inside of you and made you watch the screen as you once again screamed out like a whore in heat and arched your back, breasts leaking and squirting milk all over your bulging stomach and broken legs that were both wrapped in casts. You held onto Steve's forearms in hopes of stopping him, but this seemed to just fuel him further. "That doll, was your g-spot." Steve laughed manically as he moved his hand from your jaw down to your throat, he began to squeeze harder, closing up your airway. As you became more light headed Steve licked you tear off your cheeks and removed his fingers from inside you to roughly pinch your clit, your body tried to jerk away but Steve ignored it and aligned his cock it at your pussy hole that was twitching from cumming twice. "Watch as I fuck you, watch as your greedy cunt stretches and swallows up my big cock. Just like it did the night I raped our baby into you."

You watched in horror as Steve tightened his hold on your throat, completely cutting off your airway as he thrust his cock all the way into you all in one go and pulled on your clit with the fingers that was pinching it. Your body spasmed and you saw nothing but stars as you cummed harder than the last two times, the feeling was so intense that the world went black for a bit before your regain consciousness and saw that Steve holding your hips to fuck you up and down his cock, treating you like the nickname he always called you...doll. "Fuck that as so hot, I can't wait to fuck another baby into you doll." Steve grunted and shoved you down onto him so hard that you felt in crush against and nearly past your cervix, even though you had just woke up, you found yourself cumming again. Steve moaned loudly as he came inside you, painting your insides with his cum.

Steve let go of your hips and your fell back against him, unable to move a single muscle or bone in your body. You saw yourself on the screen panting for air like a dog. Steve wrapped his arms around you and carefully caressed your bump, he kissed the top of your head lovingly, "I love you so much y/n, I can't believe we can finally live the rest of our lives together, just like we used to talk about..."

...

Goodbye all 🫡 now for me to go drown myself in some holy water and fall off the face of the Earth again...

#1940s steve rogers #1940s steve rogers x plus size reader #angsty #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #dark steve x reader #dark steve rogers #mean steve #crazy steve rogers #dark avengers #crazy avengers

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giddlygoat · 1 year

Text

some of my thoughts on drawing, learning the accordion, and how they apply to each other.

i have been drawing my whole life. the last time i can remember feeling genuinely ashamed of my artistic skills was when i was probably 12. at some point i was able to look at my art and realize it wasn’t anywhere near perfect, and i became okay with that. nowadays, i have no anxiety about posting my art or leaving a piece with flaws, because i like my style and i’m comfortable enough in my skills and the knowledge that there will always be room for improvement to allow myself to simply enjoy what i create.

i have always been fascinated by the accordion. around age 11 i started considering learning to play it. by 13 i saw one at an antique store and seriously considering buying it for a long time, but did not. as the years go on i find that artistic burnout is becoming more of a frequent issue with me, and i often find myself desperately wishing i had a gratifying way of expressing myself other than drawing.

i’m always humming, and doing the mouth trumpet, and clicking and clapping out tunes all day. singing and scatting are some of my favorite pastimes. i can do all this but it’s not the same as playing an instrument. i feel like it can never quite extend past my fingertips; like i’m cranking out all this energy and excitement but it can’t go anywhere. it’s like not being able to get past the sketch when you have a whole painting inside you.

about three months ago, i finally picked up the accordion. i don’t know how to read music. my understanding of the technical side of music is pathetic, although i have a good natural sense for it, and now, a good teacher. i am scared.

i have all the usual beginner issues: my hands don’t know where to go, i’m not used to the weight of the instrument, and it feels alien in a way, just to name a few.

there’s another problem, too. i’m good at drawing.

everywhere i go, i see things i want to paint. i’m taking pictures of the pickled jalapeños and carrots at work because i want to study how they interact with the opaque black plastic container, all little dynamic shapes of green and orange swimming in vinegar. i’m watching a cat stretch and yawn on the concrete and lay down in a sunbeam that looks too heavenly to be real - it gives me an idea for a sketch.

i look at the arms of the man loading hay bales with me, and try to commit to memory how the muscles move under the skin, what foot he puts his weight on, how he wipes his forehead and shifts his weight. it makes me want to draw pages of people doing mundane things, studying how weight and action and stylization works together to create something satisfying and alive. i want to do the beauty of the universe justice.

when i open procreate to draw, i am not thinking of anything. my hands know where to go, i don’t even have to look at the buttons or tools to know what i’m doing, and all these complicated layers interacting with each other and their applied effects and backgrounds etc come like second nature to me now.

the first day i used procreate, i was so overwhelmed, i was afraid to touch anything.

the first day i held an accordion, it was the same.

my problem is that i know how to look at art and examine why techniques work or not, and i don’t quite have those skills when it comes to music. sure, i can slap beautiful harmony onto any song, but heck if i know what notes they are. i couldn’t tell you what key the song is in or what defines a measure.

and i realized that while now i am looking through this frosted glass trying to make out the basic shapes behind it, one day, i will be able to peel back the mystery and truly understand not only how this instrument functions, but how music flows, too. because i see art in everything. i understand the weight of people and objects and how they would interact in a cartoon. the colors of a blooming cactus in my yard become lemony saturated in the early light and pale and dusty in the late evening. i can see the line of action in characters and better understand the composition behind paintings, and why it works.

it’s my hope, that as time spent with my accordion goes on, i will start to see music in everything, too. there’s nothing i want more than to understand it and speak its language as i do with art. i want to someday pick up my accordion and make up a melody as i would sketch out a doodle. this is the kind of stuff i think about all day.

#thoughts #i know i like never make posts like this but i’ve been having these thoughts a lot lately and wanted to be able to look back on them later #accordion

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sunlightandsuffering · 7 months

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talking about bareback

from time to time I still think about that series of drabbles you wrote of Armin asking Eren tips for buying condoms and Eren’s like idk man I don’t use condoms and Armin is shook - “baby roulette!!” I often wonder how this Eren and Mikasa are doing

AHAHA I think they're doing well with their baby roulette lol!!! I just love how overconfident they are ahah as I said a few asks ago I'M INSPIRED NOW! So idk if it makes sense with the timeline i wrote in that drabble but here lets add to it, first time EM with a condom. "Condom?" Mikasa hisses out, her last working brain cell screaming in her head, telling her to be responsible despite the overwhelming pleasure she's feeling, that delicious pressure teasing at her cunt, the aching fullness she knows will follow if only she just lets him. Just the tip, it'd feel so good, just a little taste, the blunt head of his cock bumping at her seam, the slightest press open-no! Bad Mikasa!

"Condom," she breathes out again, her tone pleading and Eren groans against her neck, cursing. "Fuck I don't think I- Do you have one?" He's nibbling at her neck, his hips pressing insistently against her, gluing them together in all ways but one and distracting her immensely, he's just out of reach fuck!

"Check the nightstand I might," she tilts her head back so he can get a better angle at kissing her, sucking a mark into that little spot on her neck he knows so well. But to her great dismay he heads her words, leaning over to reach into her nightstand, his cock dragging deliciously across her tummy, weeping pre all over her abs and she almost whines at the sensation she needs him inside.

"Magnums?" Eren questions as he pulls back, his lip caught between his teeth and in all his messy glory, sweat lacing his brow, green eyes wild with lust and yet he's still pouting. "Thought you were a virgin," he mumbles petulantly as he tears open the package and Mikasa growls, her sexual frustration taking over as she snags it from his grasp. Her tone is fraught with need and irritation, "I am you fuckwad, Sasha gave it to me last year now let me fucking put it on, you're too slow." He shuts up after that and this time it's Mikasa forcing him to the bed, spread out on his back, his cock bobbing hard and thick against his stomach, and fuck is he ever big. She swallows nervously, her confidence leaving her as she reaches out tentatively. Eren hisses as her fingers trace over the veins of his cock, unable to wrap around his thick girth. She's gentle with him, unsure and Eren groans at her light tough, eyes shutting in pleasure, "Baby you can grab it, please you're fucking killing me here." "I've never done this before!" "Then why didn't you let me do it!" Her mouth snaps shut and she refuses to admit it's just because she wanted to, wanted to hold him hard in her hands while she slips the latex over his cock, jerk him off a little bit before he slips inside her.

"Shut up," she settles for, grasping him more harshly this time and Eren grunts in pleasure, dropping his head back against the bed and completely giving up on micromanaging her, content to let her do her thing. Tentatively, she brings the latex circle up to the tip, her lip bitten between her teeth in concentration, what was that she learned in health class? Just to roll it down ?

So she tries just that, but to her immense horror, it does not work at all. At first, it seems like it'll work, that it'll fit, but it's tight, that much is evident, much, much tighter than it had been when she'd practiced on the banana, stretched thinner than she'd like, almost like it could snap at any moment.

It doesn't quite roll down to the base of him and Mikasa curses inwardly, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"It doesn't fit." Eren is the one to say it allowed, peaking up at her through one eye, "It's wayyy too tight Miki, if I blow my load in this it's gonna break." "Fuck!" Mikasa curses, slipping it from his cock and throwing it from the bed in aggravation.

"Well, I guess we should turn in then, we'll just get some tomorrow or whatever." "No! I'm losing my virginity tonight, I want you inside me." "That's hot," Eren says, his eyes twinkling with mirth now, "We could go bareback, or I could pull out-" She cuts him off by bringing her hands back to his cock, she just needs to think, run through her options, and it doesn't hur tot familiarize herself with the cock thats going to split her like a fucking tree, god he's massive. He probably needs like an XL or something if those even fit at all.

"What size are you normally?" "Dunno," Eren murmurs, "I'm a virgin remember?"

"Just let me go bare Mika It'll feel better anyway, no barriers I'll just pull out." Why is that so hot, she's supposed to be a good responsible girl here, why is it so hot that her boyfriend wants to fuck her raw, why does the idea of having him shoot inside her turn her on? It's irresponsible!

She lazily jerks him off as she tries to think, and Eren's eyes flutter shut all over again, "Fuck Mikasa." "Quiet," she snaps, trying to figure out options. She's on birth control, but no condom isn't great still and she's only just started, she's worried the pill won't be effective just yet. "I can't contribute meaningfully to the conversation when you're doing that- fuckkkk," Eren groans, his curses turning to whispers of his love for her as she pays special attention to the head, thumbing at the tip, and then gripping him all the way back down to the base, leavig not an inch out. "Can you promise to try and pull out?" "I'll promise you whatever you want Mikasa, my balls are quite literally in your hand baby, it's whatever you want." "Okay," she mumbles, she wants him too much to stop just for one lousy condom. "Just pull out," she reiterates as she lines herself up, ready to split herself off on the monster below her, she's been waiting forever now, wants to feel that full of him, that connected. Spoiler alert: He doesn't pull out, and not because he doesn't try, but because Mikasa won't let him. And after that, they deem themselves a no condom couple because Mikasa will be damned if there's ever a barrier between them now, she can't go back. It's simply not happening.

#me copping out bc I don't feel like writing a full sex scene lol #i have to go write one in switch anyway lmfao #lys's drabbles

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lady-de-mon-coeur · 9 months

Text

Skin to Skin

Chapter 2

Ao3

[1]

More tooth-rotting Adrinette fluff.

"Girl, will I ever get a clear answer about what's going on between you and Adrien, the boy you're absolutely not in love with anymore?" Alya asked, glaring angrily at her bestie.

She and Marinette were sitting on the couch. It was their sixth sleepover at Marinette’s in a row.

"Nothing romantic, I swear, Alya", Marinette said, giggling bashfully.

"Uhm… yes?" Marinette said with a sheepish grin, realising full well how ridiculous it sounded. "I know everything looks like we're a couple, but I swear we're just friends. It's just that Adrien is extremely touch-starved and just wants physical affection from his friends. What's so strange about it?"

"You said this a hundred times before. I'm not buying it anymore. Do you want me to believe that all these hugs, holding hands, cuddles, and little kisses are perfectly friendly, huh?" Alya retorted while counting on her fingers, and you could hear it in her tone that she was running out of patience.

"Oh, nothing, absolutely nothing." Alya assured her somewhat sarcastically. "Maybe except one little thing—have you ever thought about why he's so desperate to get physical affection from you and you only?"

Marinette froze. It's never occurred to her before, but now that Alya uttered it, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Why her? Adrien had plenty of friends. Could it be that he had some sort of a soft spot for her?

"I really don't know, Alya," Marinette finally mumbled, for lack of a better response.

Alya leaned closer to her and said in a loud whisper, though there was no one to overhear them:

"You were spotted sitting on his lap during the lunch break today. What else have you got to say for yourself before I declare you two man and wife?"

"Stop it, Alya!" Marinette shrieked, turning dark red in the blink of an eye. "I know it looked ambiguous, but I swear It was still perfectly friendly."

"Girl, who are you trying to fool here?" Alya said in an exhausted tone.

"Look, Adrien said he used to love sitting on his mother's lap when he was younger because he was as close to her as possible this way. And he suggested that we should do the same, he and I, but since he couldn’t sit on my lap, I sat on his. The rest is history."

Alya let out an exasperated sigh.

"You two are hopeless. Okay, I believe you for now. But be careful, because the whole school is now sure that you two are dating, and I highly suspect that Chloé is up to no good."

Marinette shrugged it off.

"I don't care as long as Adrien is happy," she said with sudden firmness.

"Yes, I'll give you that," Alya admitted, her gaze turning soft. "Our sunshine boy is literally glowing with happiness since he started getting closer to his very special friend." She reached out her hand and patted Marinette’s shoulder. "Great job, Marinette! Adrien deserved to be happy, especially in a perfectly friendly way."

-x-x-x-

Alya was sitting in her room, trying to get through submissions her followers had sent her for the Ladyblog, when her Alliance ring started beeping. Alya checked the holographic screen—it was Marinette.

"Hey, Marinette! How's things?" Alya asked as soon as Marinette’s seemingly confused face appeared on the screen.

"Uhm... Alya," Marinette started, her ears and cheeks a little bit of a reddish hue, "I know we were supposed to have a sleepover tonight, but can we delay it for a few days?"

"Sure, no worries, but what's up?"

Marinette took a deep breath, as if she were about to dive headfirst.

"Adrien is coming for a sleepover." She finally blurted out.

Alya nearly choked. That was totally unexpected.

"Who? How am I supposed to believe that?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, he's packing right now." Marinette was beaming. "Can you imagine, his father is out on a business trip for three days, and Nathalie allowed Adrien to spend all three nights here. I apologise for uninviting you, but Adrien said he'd like to be alone with me, if possible."

Alya was too overwhelmed to feel anything besides, well, being overwhelmed. She was sitting there, trying to process the news.

"I know what you are going to say," Marinette continued hastily, "but I promise it's a perfectly friendly sleepover, just like the ones you and I are having all the time."

Alya, for once, wasn't going to say anything. She was fed up with all this perfectly friendly nonsense. She just sighed and adjusted her glasses.

"Are you sure you will survive?" She asked worriedly.

"I really hope so..." Marinette mumbled, fidgeting with her fingers. "We've been so close lately, so I think I can finally handle sharing a bed with him."

Alya nearly choked once again. How many surprises was she supposed to get in one day?

"You're going to do what?"

"Oh, my bad, I totally forgot to tell you that. Adrien said he was really happy to be super close to me, yet he feels so alone at night, so he asked me if he could also stay overnight here sometimes. He really wanted to know how being close to me while sleeping would feel. And now he has a perfect opportunity."

"And what are your parents thinking about that matter?"

"They allowed him to come, but they don't know we're going to share a bed." Marinette explained, licking her lips nervously. "I wasn't sure they would approve of that, so I didn’t tell them. Adrien is supposed to sleep on the sofa in the living room. Is it too bad I didn’t tell the truth?"

Alya shrugged.

"Do as you wish, girl. Don't worry, I'm not going to give you away."

"Thank you, Alya! You are the best. Now wish me luck."

"I, Alya Cesaire, hereby cast an anti-freaking-out spell on you. Whoosh!" Alya responded eagerly, drawing circles in the air in front of the screen with her free hand.

They both laughed in relief.

-x-x-x-

After the call was over, Alya scrolled through the photo gallery of her ring.

There it was—the picture from a few days ago that someone had sent her the same day it was taken. The picture of her best friend sitting on Adrien's lap.

His arms were wrapped around Marinette’s waist, and the blissful smile spread all over his face left no room for doubt about the way he was feeling.

Marinette’s arms were thrown around Adrien's neck, while she was nuzzling the hollow of his neck.

Alya sighed. These two lovebirds were about to drive her insane. She definitely should send this picture to a publishing house for them to use it as an illustration for the word 'denial' for their next vocabulary edition.

-x-x-x-

Marinette’s room was dark and quiet. The light was turned off a long time ago.

Adrien had positioned himself behind Marinette, as close to her as he could get, and wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling her shoulder.

They were quiet at first. But then Adrien whispered, his breath tickling the skin of Marinette’s neck:

"Thank you for letting me come over, Marinette. I've never been to a sleepover before."

"You're welcome, Adrien," Marinette whispered in response.

"I hope I’m not a burden to you." He said coyly.

"Oh no, of course you are not!" Marinette assured.

"Your closeness is something I really can't get enough of," Adrien explained, wrapping his arms tighter around Marinette. "Your warmth and affection are what help me keep going. I don't know what my life would be like without you."

Marinette said nothing, but she put her hand on his, trying to convey her love to him through this gesture.

They were quiet again for a while, and by Adrien's even breath, Marinette assumed that he was falling asleep.

"It'd be great if I didn’t need to leave your side at all," he suddenly said dreamily, unaware of the state this confession put Marinette in. "I know it's impossible right now. But I'm happy with what I have. Just seeing you and hearing your voice makes my day, but holding you in my arms is really the highlight of my day. Thank you for making me happy, Marinette! Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams, Adrien!" Marinette mumbled breathlessly, feeling that the effect of Alya’s anti-freaking-out spell had worn off.

Adrien let out a happy sigh and placed an ever-so-soft kiss on the back of Marinette’s head, making the poor girl's heart nearly stop.

Soon his breath became even again, which probably meant he fell asleep this time. He didn’t loosen his grip on Marinette’s waist.

-x-x-x-

Marinette suddenly woke up a few hours later. She must have turned in her sleep because now she was fully facing Adrien, her head resting on his chest while his arm was wrapped around her shoulders.

The moon was shining down through the skylight, casting a silvery glow on Adrien's face.

He looked like a sleeping angel, with this calm and serene expression spread over his face.

Marinette couldn’t help but smile tenderly at the view.

She moved slightly while watching Adrien. This move, as slight as it was, was followed immediately by Adrien's instant reaction.

"Marinette…" he murmured in his sleep, tightening his grip around Marinette’s shoulders and pulling her closer to his chest as if she were his prized possession.

Marinette let him do it. There wasn't a place she'd rather be than in Adrien's arms. If she had the power to make him happy, then why not use it?

If you'd like to have me by your side forever, I'll do my best to make it real.

She stretched herself to reach Adrien's cheek and left a featherlight kiss there.

"I love you, Adrien," she whispered before letting sleep overtake her.

#ml fanfiction #my writing #adrinette #fluff #ml season 5 spoilers

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theyoungoneed · 8 months

Text

The Brave Barista Part 1

(Klaus Mikaelson x Reader)

Summary: Carina Newman just moved to New Orleans not long ago from New York. While at work working as a barista she meets the infamous hybrid Klaus Mikaelson whom invites her to a family event at the Mikaelson compound. Things take a turn and Carina's courage is tested.

Word Count: 2,638

Warnings: blood, killing

A/N: inspired by Klamille and how Klaus called Cami the brave bartender, only this time I got the idea of the brave barista.

Carina Newman brewed what must have been her one-hundredth cup of coffee of the day (or of that day). Moving to New Orleans only a few weeks ago, she happened to work at the busiest corner cafe on Frenchmen Street. She loved the rush and chaos of it all, although at times it was overwhelming. In fifteen minutes her shift would be over and Carina can finally take a breath. Finishing taking an order from a table outside, a certain man catches her attention. That’s a new face she thought. Carina saw numerous people a day, some were regulars, others only stopping by, but something about this man was mysterious. He sat leaning back in his chair at the last table under the shade of an umbrella.

Black sunglasses covered his eyes as his index finger tapped on the menu. Carina nervously made her way toward his table.

“Hi, what can I get for you today sir?” The man slowly looked up at her, removing his sunglasses.

“Hello love,” he said in a British accent, grinning with gleaming dark-blue green eyes which stared into the soul. They were like hooks digging deep, enchanting, hypnotizing, intriguing, wanting to know more. Strands of his dark blonde hair swayed in the wind. Carina now had a closer look at the man, she absolutely thought he was attractive. Little did she know, she had been staring at him for a good ten seconds until she was brought back to reality when she realized he was speaking to her.

“I’m sorry,” she cleared her throat, “what did- what did you order?” The man chuckles to himself looking down at the ground.

“It’s alright love, I tend to have that sort of effect on people, being charming and taking their breath away, “ he said in a cocky tone of voice grinning alluringly. Carina gives out a nervous laugh trying to hide her flushed face and a nervous habit of fidgeting with her pen when taking orders.

“I’ll have a cup of your finest hot coffee with one cream and no sugar.”

“One cream and no sugar, coming right up.” She smiled as she turned around going back inside. Carina was burning hot with embarrassment. She allowed herself to take a few deep breaths behind the counter before making his coffee. Who was he? She felt as if she was being put in a trance. His confident demeanor made her heart skip a beat and create butterflies in her stomach. Carina anxiously prepared his order hoping to not mess anything up. She even added a cheesy touch of her signature latte art heart. Carefully, without spilling, she brought his cup of coffee and placed it before him.

“Thank you, love.” He seemed satisfied with the heart.

‘Enjoy,” she tells him. Right as she was about to leave the man stops her.

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No-I um just moved here two weeks ago from New York.”

“What brings you to New Orleans?” He studied her slowly moving his eyes to the nametag on her shirt. “Carina,” he points out.

“Just Cari is fine,” she tells him. “To answer your question, I moved here to get away from complicated family drama.”

“Now that we have something in common,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee. Carina lets out a heavy sigh.

“Family. You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them, am I right?”

“I couldn’t agree more, love.” Every time he said the word “love” Carina would get shivers down her spine. Anxiously she played with her fingers trying to buy time until her shift was over and make small talk.

“So, have you been here long or-” He lets out a sharp chuckle as if the question was some sort of inside joke.

“I used to live here a long time ago with my family. It feels as if a hundred years have gone by, but now we recently moved back.” He traced the rim of the cup with his finger and displayed a wide cheeky grin. Carina noticed he was finished with his coffee.

“I can get you another one if you want,” she said, grabbing the empty cup.

“No, that’s alright love,” he replied getting up from his chair. He was taller than I expected, she thought. Intimidating even. “Carina?” he asked. “My family is throwing a ball tonight and I was wondering if you would like to attend?” Carina hesitates. She only just met this mysterious man, let alone doesn’t even know his name.

“I- I don’t know. I don’t even know your name.”

“Pardon me, love, where are my manners? Klaus Mikaelson.” That’s a name, she thought.

“Klaus,” she said. “That’s an old name. “ He chuckles at her remark.

“Here,” he reaches into his inside jacket pocket and hands her a white envelope.

“This is the invitation. The address is on the back. I hope to see you, Carina.” His side smile made her blush. Carina looked down at the white envelope and opened the invitation which read: PLEASE JOIN THE Mikaelson Family THIS EVENING AT SEVEN O’ CLOCK FOR DANCING, COCKTAILS, AND CELEBRATION. Before Carina had a chance to say anything else, she looked up and he was gone.

The dress hugged her body, the off-white fabric laid against her beautiful pale skin. Her light brown hair was in wavy curls, cascading down her shoulders. After touching up her makeup and applying some lip gloss, Carina was ready to leave. She took a taxi to the address on the invitation. During the ride, Carina’s stomach was in knots. She had no family here, no friends, how can she trust a stranger she has only met a few hours ago? The location of the ball was at the Abattoir in the French Quarter. It was a very large house dating back to the 17th century.

The light brown bricks shone under the setting sun. Two floors of the house contained porches that stretched around the building. Carina got out of the taxi, her white heels clicking behind her. Flocks of people started entering the building with shining gowns, fancy suits, and masquerade masks. The place was grand. Bright blue lights flashed all around, glitter fluttered down from above, with acrobats hanging from the ceiling on pieces of cloth. Fire breathers and tall towers of flowing champagne were everywhere.

Carina scoured the room for Klaus. Her eyes gazed through the crowd, wandering, searching. Suddenly she feels a presence behind her.

“Carina,” said a voice. She turned around and their eyes met. His black suit and dark blue tie fit him nicely. “Thank you for coming, you look beautiful.” Carina blushed at the compliment.

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” Carina admired the place. “Wow I can’t believe you live here, it’s beautiful.”

“It has been in the family for centuries.

“Really? I didn’t know you were royalty,” she teased.

“Would you care for a dance, love? A King needs his queen.” Carina bit up her lip.

“I’d love one,” she replied. He gently took her by the hand and guided her onto the dancefloor. His fingers brushed the side of her waist before placing his hand on the small of her back. They held each other’s hands as they swayed slowly from side to side. Carina softly placed her hand on his shoulder. Their cheeks were almost touching. The two of them took in the moment not saying a word, letting the music sweep them away. Carina’s heart was pounding out of her chest as they danced. She tried to control her breathing but the presence of him being so close to her made it impossible.

“Are you alright, love?” He looked at her with deep concern.

“Yes, I’m just a little bit nervous, that’s all.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about. You’re with me,” he tells her, smiling. His facial expression was alluring. Klaus gazed into her eyes as he cupped her cheeks in his hands, leaning closer.

“You are alright,” he stated. “There is nothing to fear.” His shrunk and dilated as they stared into Carine’s eyes intensively. Slowly, he removed his hands from her cheeks.

“Now love, how are you feeling?”

“I am alright and there is nothing I should fear,” she replied. Confused, Carina broke away from his stare blinking rapidly. It felt as if she had been hypnotized. She didn’t know how or why but she knew she no longer felt nervous.

“Wow,” Carina said surprisingly. “I don’t feel nervous anymore. How did you?-

“He compelled you, darling,” said a woman in a tight shimmering black dress with blonde hair. Carina gave her a quizzical look.

“He what?”

“Oh come on brother. You know better than to compel your date.” Brother? Carina turned to Klaus.

“What is she talking about?”

“No need to worry about that, love,” Klaus told her. “Carina, meet my lovely annoying sister Rebekah. Rebekah, Carina.”

“Charmed,” she said, faking a smile. Suddenly a man approaches us bringing Klaus into a big embrace.

“Klaus Mikaelson!”

“Marcel, fancy seeing you here.” The man puts his hands on Klaus’s shoulders. “Let’s get you a drink. I have a lot of important things to tell you.” Klaus quickly glances at Carina and then back at the man.

“Marcel, this is Carina.” The man turned around to face her.

“Pleasure to meet you. Me and Klaus go way back.” The two made small talk until Marcel slowly whispered something into Klaus’s ear which made his jaw tighten. Carina couldn’t help but notice the grave expression on his face.

“Rebekah, would you be so kind and take Carina to get something to drink while I have a little chat with Marcel?”

“Why do I have to?” she whined.

“Go or I’ll compel you, little sister.” That word again. Before Carina had time to process, she was staring deep into Klaus’s eyes.

“You will go with my sister and have a drink. Forget everything you heard her say. I will find you shortly.” Next thing she knew she was at the bar staring at a full shot of glass of vodka. Carina watched as Rebekah drowned down a shot, slamming it on the bar counter.

“Your turn.” Deep down Carina didn’t want to drink, but she couldn’t shake off the feeling that she had to. The alcohol burned her throat as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“So, is Klaus your only brother?”

“No, I have three other older brothers, but they’re not here tonight,” she says, taking a sip of champagne.

“How come?”

“Family squabbles tend to push them away,” she tells her. It was obvious to Carina that Rebekah did not want to engage in any sort of conversation with her. Although, there was something Carina was curious to get off her chest.

“Earlier, I couldn’t help but overhear the word compel being thrown around-”

“Listen sweetheart. You seem like a nice girl, but I would rather be anywhere else than be sharing a drink with you. Oh, and by the way,” she continued, “stay away from Klaus. He is not who he thinks he is and frankly, you do not want to stick around and find out. Cheers.’” she said walking away leaving Carina all by herself. At this point, she wanted to leave the party alltogether, until she felt a gentle touch at the small of her back.

“Are you alright, love?” Klaus asked, holding two champagne glasses.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied.

“It seems like you need a drink,” he tells her, handing her a glass of champagne.

“I think I’m going to need more than that,” she chuckles. “Thank you.” Klaus watched as she drowned down her champagne, clearly seeing she was agitated.

“Don’t mind my sister Rebekah she can be-”

“A bitch,” Carina interrupted. Klaus laughs at her response.

“But in all seriousness, you shouldn’t let her get to you.”

“Duly noted.” They stare into each other’s eyes before Carina broke eye contact.

“She got all mad because I mentioned the word compel and I don’t even know-

“Listen, there are some things that are hard to explain-”

“What is hard to explain? What’s going on here? It’s like part of me feels like I am in some sort of hypnosis doing things I don’t want to do but for some weird reason have to.”

“Carina listen-”

“No, you listen.” Carina became furious. “Who are you? Your sister told me you are not who you really are and that I should stay away from you.”

“Do you want to know who I am? I am a man damaged by his demons. I don’t want to be controlled by them. I admit that I may not be the one for you because of it. Yes, there are things you do not know about me but it is best for your protection that you do not know.”

“Protection? Protection from what?” His mouth slightly opened but his eyes moved in a different direction to something in the distance.

“Get behind me,” he said, grabbing Carina by the arm. “Stay close to me.” All of a sudden a group of people in nice tailored suits entered the party. Without hesitation, a woman with long black hair quickly grabs the closest person in the crowd. Opens her mouth revealing sharp fangs, and bites their neck. Chaos unfolds, screams break out, and everyone is scattering to get out. Klaus takes Carina by the arm and with great speed sprints with her behind a wall, hiding. How did we get here so fast? Am I that drunk? Carina watched in horror as more people were being attacked and blood spilled on the floor. Carina thought she must be imagining all this. Come on wake up, she told herself.

“Who are they?”

“Werewolves.” Klaus looked back at her and smiled.

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me, love.”

“Werewolves?” Carina starts laughing hysterically. “This is a joke right?”

“No, love werewolves are very much real, and so are vampires,” he tells her. “Stay here.” Klaus ran in a flash towards one of the attackers snapping their neck. Carina watched him with great force, threw them across the room, and ripped out their hearts. I must be going crazy, she thought. She hid deeper behind the wall shaking. Forget who he was, what was he? Carina didn’t know if she should run or wait for Klaus to return. As she peeked behind the wall the odds were not in Klaus’s favor. Blood ran down his face and he had taken a large gash on his side. Not only was he being cornered by ten or more werewolves but so were Rebekah and his friend Marcel.

Carina felt a rush of adrenaline through her veins as she noticed a broken pipe laying on the ground. Quickly, she picked up the pipe and with all her might, as crazy as she thought this whole thing was, she ran towards the werewolf about to attack Klaus, and plunges the pipe into their back. The werewolf flopped on the floor. Carina gasped out of breath. With the werewolf dead, that gave Klaus an advantage. One by one the werewolves dropped dead. All of a sudden a werewolf runs up behind Carina although her fast reflexes made the werewolf only scratch her arm. She winced in pain.

The werewolf continued running towards Klaus but Carina was faster. She got in front of the werewolf and plunged the pipe into his heart. The werewolf fell to his knees gagging blood, yet with one quick move Klaus ripped its heart out and it was over. Blood trickled down Carina’s arm. The dead werewolf’s heart was still beating in Klaus’s hands. They looked up at each other out of breath. A smile crept on Klaus’s face.

“The brave barista.”

#the originals #the originals fanfiction #the originals fic #the originals imagine #the originals x reader #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaleson imagine #klaus x reader #klaus mikaelson fanfiction #tvd universe #new orleans #the mikaelsons #rebekah mikaelson #marcel gerard #mikaelson compound #werewolf #the originals fan fic

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dragondemoness · 2 years

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Hey just wanted to say I love your writing! If you'd be willing could you do the reader coming out as autistic to some of the girls? (Miu, Kaede, Sayaka, Mukuro, and Celeste for specifics :) Thank you in advance if you do 🙏

Thank you! Now, I myself am not autistic, so I did some research for this one. If I missed any details or anything comes off as offensive, please let me know ^^

Miu, Kaede, Sayaka, Mukuro and Celeste Reacting to their S/O Confessing that They’re Autistic

Miu Iruma

"Oh, you are? Cool."

She doesn't mean to be insensitive

She just doesn't see it as something to worry over

If you're worried her opinion of you changes in any way, she's quick to dispel those worries

She still loves you, no matter what

Now Miu is a fan of teasing

She loves to see the reactions of her classmates when she playfully flirts with them or teases them

But if you don't like when she does it to you, she'll stop

Or if you took something she said seriously

She can be a little rough sometimes, and she often says things without thinking

For most people, she doesn't care too much if they get offended, but when it's you, she feels terrible

"Oh, um... I was only joking. Sorry if I hurt your feelings, (Name)."

She really does feel bad though, and she'll make it up to you afterwards

If you're nonverbal, whether that's in general or periodically, she'll learn sign language for you

It's not perfect, but she tries

She has no problem speaking for you if you need her to

She loves listening to you talk about your special interests

Sometimes, you do it while she's working on something, so it might look like she's not listening, but she's secretly making a mental note of what kind of gifts to buy or make for you

It's one of the ways she shows affection for you

If you have any kinds of stims, she will gladly accommodate you

If they're vocal stims, she'll kind of just let you do your thing, but she might join you if you wanted

If you like to stim by playing with her fingers, her clothes, her hair, anything like that, she'll allow you to do so

If you have some stim toys you like, she'll remember what kind so she can buy you more

Better yet, she'll even make one for you

If you take any kind of medication, she makes sure to remind you when to take it

She often sets timers, and she never forgets once

She'll also be stubborn about making sure you take it, and she'll get up and bring the bottle to you if she has to

If you're getting overwhelmed, anxious or agitated in public, she's quick to pull you away from the situation

She takes note of the things that tend to trigger you, and does her best to keep you away from them

She'll take hold of your hand, or if you're comfortable with it, gently wrap her arm around you and pull you to her side

If you don't want to be touched, she'll bring you to a secluded area until you're feeling calm

And if anyone makes any kind of derogatory comment towards you, she is quick to shut them down

If you don't like loud noises, she'll cover your ears, because she's gonna start yelling

Overall, Miu is very protective and accommodating towards you

Despite her rough edges, she really does love you, and she'll do whatever she can for you

Kaede Akamatsu

When you tell her, she smiles and hugs you (if you're comfortable of course)

“Thank you for telling me, sweetheart.”

An incredibly supportive girlfriend

She doesn’t think any less of you for telling her, and she’s sure to let you know

Kaede is pretty transparent about how she feels

She’s not brutally honest, but honest anyhow

But she’s careful not to say anything that might hurt your feelings, or in a way that might hurt your feelings

It doesn’t happen often, but she feels really bad when it does

“Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

She can also be flirty and enjoy teasing, but if that makes you uncomfortable, she’ll stop

She’ll make it up to you afterwards, however you like

If you’re nonverbal, she’ll learn sign language and speak for you whenever needed

She has no problem speaking for you when you need her to

If you infodump about your special interests, she is more than happy to listen

She loves seeing how happy and excited you are when you talk about something you love

And she’ll definitely buy you gifts and products related to those interests

Kaede is a pretty affectionate person, but if you don’t like being touched, she’ll respect that

But if you do, she’ll give you all the kisses and cuddles you could ever ask for

She loves your stims as well

If they’re verbal stims, she’ll do them with you

If you like to stim by playing with her fingers, hair or clothes, she’ll gladly allow it

If you have stim toys, she’ll always make sure to have some on hand and buy you more

Or if you like to play with her piano keys, she’s perfectly fine with that as well

And if you take any medication, she’ll always remind you to take it

Sets alarms on her phone so neither of you forget

She’ll also be a bit stern about making sure you take it, and will bring you the bottle if needed

She also takes to care to remember any things that trigger you, so she knows to keep you away from them

If you’re in public together, and you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, Kaede is quick to guide you away from the situation

She’ll soothe you and help you calm down, whether that’s with physical touch or just her words

Then she’ll ask if you want to stay or leave

She has no problems with either; it’s all up to you

And she’s not gonna let anyone bring you down either

She will sternly but calmly shut them down before walking away from them

Overall, Kaede is very sweet and supportive of you

You deserve the world, and she’s gonna give as much of it to you as she can

Sayaka Maizono

She smiles and takes your hands in hers

“Thank you for telling me, (Name)! I promise to help and support you in any way I can!”

Super sweet and supportive towards you

If you have any worries of her thinking less of you, she’s quick to shut them down (gently of course)

Sayaka is a kind person, and she’s also fairly honest about how she feels

But she speaks her thoughts in the kindest way possible

Especially to you

It doesn’t happen often, but if she says anything that hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, she feels terrible

“Oh! I’m so sorry, (Name)! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings! It won’t happen again, I promise!”

After, she’ll make it up to you however you want

If you’re nonverbal, she’ll learn sign language to communicate with you

She’ll also speak for you when you need her to

She has no problem doing that at all

She loves listening to you infodump about your special interests

The way you get so passionate about the things you love makes her smile

She’ll buy you gifts related to those interests

Sayaka is also fairly affectionate, but if you don’t like physical touch, she will respect that

If you do, she will give you all the cuddles, and sing to you as well

She likes your stims as well

If they’re verbal, she’ll do them with you, often in the form of singing

If you like playing with her fingers, clothes, hair, she’s all about it

If you have stim toys, she’ll always have some on hand and buy you some more

She also makes sure to remind you to take your medication

She has an excellent memory, so she knows exactly when to remind you

Speaking of memory, she also knows what things are triggering for you, and thanks to her intuition, she usually knows when they’re nearby so you can avoid them easier

If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed in public, she notices immediately

And she leads you to a secluded area to help you calm down

She can hold you, sing to you, talk to you, whatever you need

And after you’re calm, she’ll ask if you’re ready to go or if you want to stay

Either way, she doesn’t mind as long as your comfortable

Oh, and if anyone decides to be hateful to you?

She won’t yell at them entirely, but she will be very passive aggressive about telling them to screw off

But in the end, Sayaka is very loving and attentive to you

Mukuro Ikusaba

When you tell her, she nods in understanding

“I see. Thank you for telling me. So, what exactly does it entail?”

She’ll ask you about your experience with autism, and what she can do to help you

She doesn’t know a whole lot about the topic, and she wants to help you in any way she can

But she is super supportive

She assures you that her opinion of you does not change at all

Mukuro can be a little, well, guarded about how she feels

She doesn’t always say when something is bothering her, unless it’s more severe

So you don’t usually have to worry about her saying something hurtful

But if she does, or if the way she feels is unclear and it’s worrying you, she’s quick to fix it

“Oh! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I promise to be more open from now on, okay?”

If you’re nonverbal, she’ll learn sign language

She’s a quick learner, so it’s not too difficult for her

Despite being a quiet person herself, she has no problem speaking for you when needed

Speaking of, she loves hearing you infodump about your special interests

She doesn’t talk much when you do, instead nodding in understanding

But hearing the excitement in your voice makes her smile

She’ll buy you gifts and different types of products related to your special interests

Sometimes, she might even do her own research on the subject so she can join you

She loves your stims as well

Vocal stims, she’ll sit with you and smile

Playing with her fingers, hair or clothes, she’ll sit patiently and watch with fascination while you do it

Stim toys, she always has some with her and buys the kinds you like to use

She’s pretty touch starved, so she won’t initiate physical touch unless asked, or if you initiated it first

So she doesn’t mind if you don’t like to be touched

But if you do, she enjoys that as well

She’s also good at reminding you to take your medication

She has a great memory, so she remembers when it’s time to take it

If you’re feeling anxious in public, she’s quick to lead you away from the situation to help you calm down

If you were okay with it, she can hold you, or just hold your hands, and soothe you that way

If not, she’ll try to soothe you with her words

Then she’ll ask if you want to stay or go home

And if anyone decides to be mean to you?

She’ll usually just glare at them and warn them to back off

She doesn’t want to do anything, well, violent, but she does consider the option

But in the end, Mukuro is a very supportive and caring girlfriend

Celestia Ludenburg

When you told her, she nodded and gave you a small smile before taking one of your hands in hers

“I see. Fear not dear, for my opinion of you is completely unchanged. Now, what can I do for you?”

She’ll want to know your experience with autism and how she can help you

You have her complete and utter support

Now, Celeste can be... Rather intense sometimes

She’s incredibly honest about her feelings

And she will not hesitate to bust someone’s butt for messing something up

With you, however, she is much different

She is very careful not to say or do anything to upset you

But sometimes, it slips out, and she hates when this happens

“I’m so sorry, my dear. I did not mean to upset you. I promise to be much more careful from now on.”

She’ll make some tea and cuddle with you to make up for it, if you want

If you’re nonverbal, she’ll learn sign language

And she’ll speak for you when needed

She loves hearing you talk about your special interests

The sparkle in your eyes and the excitement in your voice makes her internally gush over how adorable you are

And she will 100% spoil you with gifts related to your special interests

She loves your stims as well

Verbal stims, she’ll sit with you with a warm smile

Playing with her fingers, hair, clothes, she’ll often let you do it while she’s drinking tea or reading a book

A relaxing time for the both of you

Stim toys, she buys you all the kinds you like to use and makes sure to have some with her

She doesn’t mind physical affection when it’s with you, but she’s also completely fine if you don’t like it

If you do, you’ll often curl into her side while she’s doing something, or rest on her chest while she plays with your hair

And she has an excellent memory, so she always remembers what time you take your medication, and reminds you if necessary

And she’s quite stubborn about making sure you take it, as well

If you’re feeling overwhelmed while you’re in public, she quickly leads you away to help calm you down

If you were okay with it, she’ll hold one of your hands and help soothe you that way

If not, she’ll soothe you with her words

And she’ll ask if you want to stay or leave

She doesn’t mind either, as long as you’re comfortable

And if someone decides to be a garbage trash person and say mean words about you?

She makes sure you’re not around, because she’s getting angry

But, in the end, Celeste is a very supportive and caring girlfriend

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #danganronpa killing harmony #miu iruma x reader #kaede akamatsu x reader #sayaka maizono x reader #mukuro ikusaba x reader #celestia ludenburg x reader

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