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#i always keep that in mind but sometimes my heart still falls for them -w-
sasukes-spouse · 9 days ago
Dmvmfskgkfk oh rip- I know that feeling cause a lot of my f/os are from youtube media so if it's like the youtuber doing a live action thing of the characters I'll end up liking the youtuber cause of it skgmgkbk
sfjskdl I am a serial youtυber crusher-onner lol I never had an ego f/o or a character f/o from a youtυber, but when I was 18 I had a HUGE crush on Mаrkιplier, and rn I have a crush on a couple of my favorite youtυbers 👀
This new crush doesn't shock me too much tho cuz when I watch certain youtυbers, I act like I'm hanging with a buddy fjdskl and specifically with this youtυber I call him by name a lot and watch all his videos so it was bound to happen man;;;
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jarigui · 25 days ago
haikyuu boys as different tropes !
includes iwaizumi, atsumu, and ushijima
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genre/s: fluff and crack
pairings: iwaizumi hajime x reader, atsumu miya x reader, ushijima wakatoshi x reader
contains: fanfic tropes, only one bed trope, fake dating, “ooh you wanna kiss me so bad” trope, one pride and prejudice reference
note: this is my first scenario/drabble for haikyuu or for this blog so im a bit nervous. but i hope you enjoy <3 also, sorry if any of the characters are a bit ooc, im still trying to improve my writing, i hope you’ll be patient with me.
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THERE’S ONLY ONE BED TROPE — iwaizumi hajime
iwaizumi almost felt his soul leave his body when he saw that there’s only one bed.
“there’s supposed to be two,” he muttered. he fished his phone out of his pockets, “wait, i’ll call the team. there must be some mistake.”
“i don’t mind.”
he freezed at what he heard. “what?”
you were walking around the room, then you turned to him and smiled. “i don’t mind, plus the bed is big enough for the two of us.”
you pointed at the bed and iwaizumi followed your hand with his eyes. he can feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. it’s bad already that he has to spend the night with you as his roomate but now he has to be in the same bed as you?
now, he doesn’t mean it as bad bad. he likes you. he thinks you’re cute, cool, calm, smart, beautiful, and friendly — and did he mention that you’re pretty? he just thinks that he’ll make a mistake out of nervousness and embarrass himself. he’s the ace of sejioh. you said that you think he’s cool and that you look up to him in volleyball. he doesn’t want to ruin that reputation. he just loses his cool when he’s with you. you turn him into this nervous mess so he has to be more careful not to slip up.
“hey, iwa?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “we don’t have to share if you don’t want to. i can sleep on the floor, or i can find another room to sleep in.”
you rubbed the back of your neck and looked down. “and i was the one who tagged along to this away game so i should’ve figured that rooms were already booked beforehand.”
iwaizumi raised his hands. “no! no! it’s okay, we can share the bed. i don’t mind.”
that’s what lead to him and his crush being on the same bed. iwaizumi kept on staring at the ceiling for half an hour now. his body felt stiff because he can feel you beside him.
he turned to his side to get more comfortable and to finally get some sleep. but he stopped when he saw that you were facing him while sleeping.
he smiled warmly. you look cute while sleeping. you were bundled up in a blanket that you stole from oikawa’s room. the light from outside the window gave iwaizumi the right amount of light to admire you. iwaizumi brushed aside the hair that was falling onto your face. he froze when you moved at bit.
“cold,” you mumbled in your sleep. you moved closer to iwaizumi’s space and stopped when your face almost touches his chest.
iwaizumi felt his heart pounding loudly in his chest. he was worried that it’s loud enough to wake you up. he can feel the heat rush to his cheeks again.
you moved closer to him again, unconsiouly trying to look for warmth. you’re cuddled up against him now. iwaizumi swore that he can hear his heart beating in his ears.
he relaxes his body and puts an arm around your waist, ready to provide you warmth for the night. he smiles, maybe this is a good kind of bad.
he was awoken by your sudden movement. he peered his eyes open to see you sat up on the bed, still with bedhead hair, sleepy eyes, and a hand on your mouth.
“iwa, im so sorry. i must’ve cuddled up to you while alseep.” your voice was a bit husky.
however, iwaizumi had no complaints. it was one of the best sleep of his life. although he stayed up late at night trying to get comfortable and sleep, he doesn’t feel exhausted at all. he feels energized, light even.
he remembers that the two of you cuddled all night and smiled to himself. “i don’t mind.”
“you don’t mind?”
he propped his elbows on the bed. “yeah, you were cold. also my sleep was great so i don’t really mind.”
“oh. okay.”
he laid back down and opened up his arms. your brows furrowed. maybe it’s his brain still processing his words, or the idea of you cuddling all night got to his head but he felt confident this morning. his words just seem to slip out of his mouth. and honestly he couldn’t care less. all he wanted now is to wrap his arms around you again.
“i provided warmth for you last night, it’s only fair that you give me one more hour of sleep.”
your eyes widened a bit at his statement. you didn’t know what to say. “um, uh,”
“come back to bed. please?”
iwaizumi’s normal voice was deep but his morning voice is huskier. and if you hear iwaizumi’s morning voice, how can you say no?
“okay,” you lay back down and iwaizumi wraps his arms around your waist.
“you’re warm. let’s stay like this for one more hour, okay?”
you hid your face in his chest, and you can feel iwaizumi chuckling.
for the next hour, iwaizumi didn’t sleep. he didn’t feel sleepy at all. he just wanted to savour the feeling of you close to him. your face was pressed to his chest, his arms were wrapped around your waist, and your legs were tangled. he pretended to sleep though, but it was obvious to you that he was pretending. i mean, who smiles while sleeping?
miya atsumu was a menace, always going out of his way to annoy you everyday. it feels like his day isn’t complete without seeing that scowl on your face.
“you’ll get wrinkles by frowning all the time,”
he’s leaning by the lockers next to yours with that smug grin of his. it’s already part of his everyday routine to make your day miserable.
you turned to him and glared. “i think the frown is only present when you’re around, miya.”
atsumu pouted dramatically. “miya? i thought we’re on first name basis already?”
“and why would be on first name basis?” your brows furrowed.
“because you like me.”
you rolled your eyes. “you wish.”
“ah, but it’s true! i mean, why else would you flirt with me everyday if you don’t like me. hm?”
you turned to ignore him, trying to get your things before class starts. “it’s you who keeps on bothering me everyday.”
even from the corner of your eye, you can still see that annoying smirk of his that you want to wipe off so bad.
it would always be the same routine. every morning, he would catch you by the lockers and pester you. then during lunch, he would try to sit with you and your friends. and before their practice, he would annoy you and try to convince you to watch their practice.
to watch me be awesome and maybe you’d fall in love with me, he would say.
you still don’t know how and why it started. you were in the middle before you knew you had begun.
“are you insinuating that it’s me who’s flirting with you everyday?”
you paused, getting caught off guard by atsumu’s statement. you’re sure it’s just him trying to get you riled up even more. i mean, that’s what he’s doing, right?
“isn’t that what you’re doing?” you smiled teasingly at him.
you hate how atsumu always makes you play his stupid little games.
he shifted his weight and placed his arm on the top of your locker. “you just noticed it now?”
your eyes widened. yes, he’s blunt but you haven’t heard this before. atsumu can see you getting flustered by his statement and (if it’s possible) his smirk just grew bigger.
hee likes seeing you getting riled up. he likes seeing your reaction towards his teasing and taunting. he likes seeing your expressions whenever he says something flirty. he likes seeing that teasing smile of yours.
he likes seeing you everyday.
“w-what are you on?” you stuttered.
he leaned closer, trying to see your face better. “did you just get flustered?”
“no.” you scoffed.
“then why can’t you look at me in the eye?”
you closed your locker. already had enough of atsumu’s flirting and teasing at the same time. “go to hell, miya.”
“ooh, just admit that you wanna kiss me so bad.”
“what?” you faced atsumu with your brows furrowed.
“well here they are, all ready for you to smooch.” he pouted his lips and started making kissy faces.
you rolled your eyes. “you’re annoying.”
you turned your back on him and started walking away. you can already feel your cheeks heating up. curse atsumu and his stupid flirting, teasing, and taunting. curse his stupid smirk on his stupid handsome face.
“i’ll claim that kiss someday!”
you heard him call after you. curse miya atsumu for making you flustered.
FAKE DATING TROPE — ushijima wakatoshi
ushijima never had a girlfriend before. being the star player of shiratorizawa, his schedule didn’t allow him to find a girlfriend for himself. but that doesn’t stop girls from crushing on him. they would give him gifts, food, and love letters. although ushijima is flattered. he always wanted to reject their gifts for him. i mean, he doesn’t get the reason behind it.
he just shrugged it off for the past few months but it has become worse these past few weeks. since his last year in shiratorizawa is about to end, many girls from different year levels have been following and giving him gifts nonstop.
he wanted to tell them to stop but he doesn’t know how to. so he went to the only person he thought could help him, which is tendou. but ushijima probably forgot the fact that tendou comes up with the craziest randomest ideas sometimes.
“just tell them you have a girlfriend.” tendou smirked as he glanced at ushijima.
ushijima’s brows creased. “but i don’t have a girlfriend.”
tendou shrugged. “i don’t know. make up a fake girlfriend or find a fake girlfriend.”
ushijima hates how tendou’s words can stick with him sometimes. he hates how he always takes tendou’s words into consideration, no matter how random or crazy it is. he lists down all the things he hates about tendou’s crazy ideas as he walks up to you.
you turn around and a smile immediately made its way to your lips. “hi wakatoshi,”
you’re ushijima’s only girl friend. although many girls have a crush on him, none of them actually made a move to befriend him. you’re the only one who was friendly to him with no ulterior motives.
is he really ready to risk this friendship over something trivial?
“do you need anything? you seem distracted.”
he snapped his gaze towards you again and shook his head. “no, no. i just, uh,”
his mouth felt dry and he couldn’t find the right words to say. ushijima scratched the back of his head and looked up to you. “i need to ask you a huge favor,”
you nodded. “sure, what is it?”
“it’s a really big favor.”
you chuckled. “it’s okay, i’ll do whatever i can to help you.”
“canyoubemyfakegirlfriendsothegirlswouldstopbotheringme,” he said all in one breath.
he didn’t think that you’d be able to understand it but felt the air in his lungs come to a stop when he saw you with wide eyes. both of his hands came up to his chest to take back everything he said. ushijima can feel his cheeks burning. shit.
“you want me to be your fake girlfriend?”
he slowly nodded.
there was minute of silence between the two of you. you were still trying to process ushijima’s words. you couldn’t even believe that those words came out of his mouth.
meanwhile, time seemed to drag on for ushijima. he felt more uneasy and nervous as each second passes. he seemed to look at everything except your eyes.
that made him look at you.
“sure, i’ll help you out.”
you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. saying that ushijima is handsome is an understatement. there’s a reason why he’s so popular with the girls. he’s tall, athletic, handsome, and a gentleman. you aren’t immuned to his attractiveness.
he smiled geniunely. seeing him smile is a rare sight, and it puts a smile on your face instantly.
“thank you.”
and so you two acted like a couple for weeks. he would walk you to your class, and would help you carrying your stuff (even though you told him that it’s okay). he would also walk you home.
i want to make sure that you get home safe, he would say.
the two of you being together all the time made people think that you’re together. word spreaded like fire and the girls that flocked ushijima lessened.
you both aren’t that big on pda since he’s not used to it, but ushijima would always show his affection through simple gestures. he would pat your head, guide you while walking by touching your elbow and arms, and on the rarest occasions, he would give you a hug.
that went on for weeks and the two of you became more comfortable around each other.
he would invite you to watch his practice, and soon you became close with the rest of the shiratorizawa volleyball team.
ushijima and you would spend more time together outside school by stopping by a bakery, cafe or convinience store to grab something to eat.
it was a big game for shiratorizawa and he invited you. honestly, ushijima felt more at ease when you watch his games. he’s always at the top of his game and would get even more motivated when he sees you at the stands.
you hugged his jacket tighter around you. it already became a tradition for him to give you his jacket whenever you would watch his games.
he says that you should wear it so you won’t feel cold. secretly, he would want you to wear it so everyone will know that you’re with him — that you’re his girl. he likes showing you off in the most subtle ways.
it was an intense game and even you can see that ushijima is struggling to outplay the opposing team.
but still, they pulled through and won at the end.
you went down the stands and walked up to him. he was talking with tendou but turned around when semi nudged him.
a smile immediately came to his face when he saw you.
“congrats!” you beamed at him.
to everybody’s your surprise, he engulfed you in a hug. you froze for a second but started to relax, wrapping your arms around him.
he pulled away. “thank you for coming,”
“of course, i wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
for a second ushijima was just admiring your features, his hands still placed on both of your arms. “hey,”
“go out with me.”
your froze again. go out? with him? what does he mean by that?
“but we’re already going out, aren’t we?” you whispered, because it seems like the entire crowd has their eyes on you.
his brows furrowed. “no, for real this time. i like you.”
“okay,” you nodded with a huge smile on your face. “and i like you too, wakatoshi.”
he pressed his lips against yours. the whole crowd seemed to gasp at the sudden affection that ushijima showed. even tendou let out a low whistle.
after you both pulled away, he engulfed you in a hug again. according to tendou, this was the day he saw ushijima smile the most. it was honestly creepy to him (in a good way).
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bookiemonsterph · 25 days ago
Serpent & Dove
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Bound as one, to love, honor, or burn. Book one of a stunning fantasy duology, this tale of witchcraft and forbidden love is perfect for fans of Kendare Blake and Sara Holland.
Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.
As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.
Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.
Set in a world of powerful women, dark magic, and off-the-charts romance, book one of this stunning fantasy duology will leave readers burning for more.
Title: Serpent & Dove Series: Serpent & Dove Author: Shelby Mahurin ISBN: 0062878034 (ISBN13: 9780062878038) Pages:  560  pages (Paperback) Published: August 4th 2020 by HarperTeen (first published September 3rd 2019) Characters: Reid Florin Diggory, Louise Margaux Larue Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult, Romance, Magic, Paranormal
I feel like I can’t even begin to describe just how pleasantly surprised I was by this novel. I am not a big fan of romance-heavy stories and one of my least favorite tropes of all time is hate-to-love relationships—so basically the two things the entire plot hinges on. Needless to say, I went into this very hesitantly. Very intrigued to learn how Lou and Reid end up in the position they do and to experience this story everyone has been raving about, but also keeping my expectations as low as I could. I did not for a second expect to come out of it knowing it will, without a doubt, be on my list of favorite books of the year. This is one of those books that I believe truly lives up to all the hype surrounding it.
Serpent & Dove is a dual perspective narrative following Lou le Blanc, a witch, and Reid Diggory, a Chasseur, or witch-hunter. Lou has escaped from her coven and has taken refuge in the city of Cesarine. She lives in hiding. giving up magic and surviving as a thief.  In Cesarine, witches are seen as a danger to all of society—they are hunted and burned, and no woman is above suspicion.
Reid is sworn to the church and charged with the hunting and capture of witches, sworn into a role that demands he will not let a single witch live. In a surprising turn of events, Lou’s and Reid’s paths cross in a way neither of them could have ever expected. A way that leads to their marriage, that forms a seemingly impossible love, and that brings Lou under the roof of the people who could be her source of protection—or her death.
The writing in this book is absolutely superb and cements Shelby Mahurin on my list of favorite authors. Her writing is gorgeous and so easy to fall into. It is incredibly clear how meticulously she formed every aspect of this novel. Both the plot and the setting are incredibly intriguing and captivating. I loved the French influences in all aspects of the story—it makes for a very vivid and enticing atmosphere and Cesarine is the perfect backdrop for everything that takes place. She also does a wonderful job with the dual perspective narrative and creates two very individual voices for our two main characters.
Even though the romance is the main focus of the story, the fantasy aspect is very strong as well and is of almost equal importance. The fantastical elements, though more of a side plot for now, don’t really take a backseat in terms of detail or how significant they are to the overall story. Mahurin crafts an interesting and intricate magic system as strongly as she crafts the romance. It’s something I’m particularly looking forward to seeing in more detail in the next book.
The only minor issue I had plot-wise was the event that sends Lou and Reid down the path toward their marriage. Though my opinion shifted by the end of the novel, as I was able to see every event throughout in a different light, the scene still felt a little bit clumsy and heavy-handed and also completely random, maybe a little too much so. It wasn’t at all what I would have expected and was a bit of a letdown for me, so I sort of wish it had been done differently. But overall, this barely affected my enjoyment of the story as a whole.
This novel holds one of the most brilliant and beautiful casts of characters I’ve ever come across. Lou is everything. She is one of my new favorite characters of all time—I fell completely and utterly in love with her right from the very start of the novel. She is so strong despite the pain she has been through and the terror and uncertainty of her life now. Lou is sassy and sarcastic and absolutely hilarious. She’s tough and guarded much of the time, but underneath, she is so intensely loving, caring, and loyal—just an absolutely beautiful person. I connected with her so easily, and it was an absolute joy reading from her perspective and following her journey.
It took me a while to warm up to Reid, but I definitely had by the end of the novel. He’s quite set in his ways and his prejudices against women, always acting in a very traditional way toward Lou. They are living in a time when women are little more than the property of their husbands and this is something that is clearly ingrained in Reid. He is protective of her and chivalrous to a fault, but it takes a while from him to sound anywhere near loving, even after it’s clear he has feelings for her. At first, I struggled a bit reading his chapters because his attitude and initial inability to be open-minded frustrated me so much. However, there is one major reason I noticed that I think prevented me from connecting with him sooner.
Yes, he is very close-minded in many of his beliefs and his actions, but I felt that there were a few times where things sort of got lost in translation in a sense. There would be scenes from his point of view where his actions and words felt a bit confusing to me and I took them as negative. But later on, something would cause me to realize what exactly he meant by what he said or did and that it wasn’t in fact negative. I don’t think I explained that particularly well, but basically, I think there were times where his point of view could have been written more clearly. In the end, though, I did end up really liking him and it does become very obvious how much he truly cares and would do anything for Lou.
I ended up absolutely adoring the relationship between Lou and Reid. It unfolds and transforms in such a natural way. As I said before, hate-to-love is one of my least favorite tropes, but it is done so well here that I didn’t really mind it. It’s still not something I enjoy reading about and that obviously does impact my rating of the novel slightly. However, few people can get me to like a novel that features this type of relationship, and Mahurin definitely nailed it. My problem with the trope tends to stem from the tension being completely nonsensical and feeling like it’s just thrown in to create drama, and you will not find that in this book.
The tensions between Lou and Reid feel so realistic and necessary—they have every reason to be wary of each other. Understandably, that they sometimes overlook what they truly know about the other as a person in favor of ideas and prejudices that were hammered into them from a young age. They are both strong characters that are unapologetically themselves and, while it causes them to butt heads at first, it turns into a mutual respect for each other and, of course, love as well. The issues that create conflict, in the beginning, are what come to be the things that pull them together rather than drive them apart. And the sum of both of them individually—the strengths and the flaws—is what brings them each to love the other wholly.
There are also some stellar side characters in this story. Coco was, by far, my favorite—she is totally someone I’d love to be friends with. The friendship between her and Lou is so lovely and I’d gladly spend hours just reading about them. They have such a fun dynamic and they always have each other’s backs no matter what. They are the definition of found family and their story warmed my heart. Ansel, a bit like Reid, took me a while to start really liking, but he turns out to be an absolutely wonderful person and a great addition to that lovable found family.
Now for one of the most surprising things I’ve probably ever said and also one of the biggest contradictions when it comes to my typical taste in stories. As I’ve already said, I’m generally not a fan of books that heavily focus on romance. However, this book was so well written that one of my absolute favorite scenes in the entire story was the scene where Lou and Reid make love for the first time, as well as the truly heartwarming lead-up to it.
I am beyond picky about how sex scenes are written in novels. So many fall into the trap of using overly descriptive and flowery prose and a lot of just plain weird words for everything. While I think that being extremely blunt and cold about it is not a good direction to go in either, the flowery descriptions and oversharing of details tend to make these scenes feel very awkward and unrealistic.
The sex scene in this book does not fall into either of these traps and I absolutely adored it. It just feels so realistic and natural, and that is exactly what I frequently find is missing from these types of scenes. Mahurin continues to write as beautifully as ever but is, I felt, fairly minimal on the exact details of the scene. And this is exactly why it works so well.
While yes, there is still detail, she relies more often on the reader’s knowledge of what takes place during a sexual encounter, which cuts out the need for the overly flowery prose and questionable word choices. In a number of places, she writes it in a “fade to black” way without actually fading to black. Mahurin has created a perfect example of how a sex scene should be written and how it should feel to the reader. The focus is on the passion and love between Lou and Reid—on not just physical feeling, but emotional and mental as well. It is so beautiful and natural and is, by far, one of the best-executed scenes I’ve ever come across.
Suffice it to say, I really enjoyed this book. It is so beautifully written and captivating—it is very easy to fall into and get lost in. Shelby Mahurin has created a magical and emotional tale, both heartbreaking and heartwarming that, at its core, brilliantly demonstrates the power of love of all kinds. The story and especially the characters will definitely stick with me for a long time. I’ve honestly been thinking about it constantly since I finished it a few months ago. And, of course, I am absolutely dying to get my hands on the next book in this series. I love how this ended and I cannot wait to be back with these characters once again and see their story continue.
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noirkkat · 26 days ago
when you catch genshin impact characters cheating on you !
note: this is a request!! but i accidentally deleted the message 😭☹️ i hope you’re still in the mood to cry HAJJSAL + this is so bad i am so sorry i tried my best hehe i hope you like this tho ^^
pls block the tag [#ez.nsfw] if you’re uncomfortable with semi nsfw
📍masterlist | part two
warnings: angst with no comfort, cheating, swearing/cursing, implied sex
characters included: diluc, scaramouche, childe, x gn!reader
category: angst, short headcanons
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♱ diluc
it was late at night and your beloved husband isn’t home yet. normally he’d be home at an earlier time, but these days, it felt as if you don’t have a husband anymore.
you of course understand how busy it is to run a family name and business but... a little time off wouldn’t hurt right?
you wanted to confront him but he’s always away and you thought you’ll get that chance today since he did told you that he’ll be home early.
worry started to increase minute by minute. you started texting him and calling him but he wasn’t answering. your mind immediately thought that maybe he was caught in an accident.
you picked up your coat and headed to his tavern in mondstadt. it usually is busy at night but your instinct keeps on telling you to go see him.
and now here you are, greeting the warm streets of mondstadt, as people smiled and waved at you. you were pretty much known here since you are Diluc’s wife.
you were almost there when you saw his brother, Kaeya, running out of his tavern and looked as if he saw a ghost.
you decided to approach the said man to know if he’s alright and what’s wrong. he stopped in his tracks with wide eyes as he saw you running towards him.
“Kaeya are you alright? what happened?” you asked, worry was evident in your voice. he didn’t answer your question and tried to calm himself down.
“it’s probably not the best time to go to the tavern. it’s pretty late, don’t you think so?” he grabbed your shoulders trying to look calm but you know better.
your heart beating so fast now that you know there’s something wrong going on inside the tavern, resulting to Kaeya stopping you to go there.
you frowned at him and marched your way to your husband’s tavern. you swung the door open and your heart dropped at what you saw.
it was him, your husband, making out with another person. a person who makes you insecure just by their figure and appeals. you were no match for them, you thought.
you couldn’t move, it was as if the heavens wants to break your heart even more by making you stay. you watched him smile between their heated kiss, tears rolling down your cheeks like waterfalls.
you couldn’t believe it... you were his everything... or maybe you were too blinded by love to even see the signs of his cheating.
the way he comes home late at night, sometimes not even at all. the way his mood changes when you’re hugging and kissing him... it all made sense now.
what hurts you the most is that he knew you were there, standing and sobbing, but still continued to make out with another person. he was looking at you while kissing another person.
all those years of making memories with one another.. are they even anything to him?
before you could even walk away, Kaeya pulled you out of the scene and hugged you so tight as you finally cried your heart out, your legs barely working at the pain you were feeling.
“where did i go wrong, Kaeya? w-what did i do?”
the answers to your question were never answered. now, here you are, clapping your hands at the newly wedded couple, as your vision becomes blurry...
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♱ scaramouche
you and scaramouche often bicker about this and that and sometimes will soon end up to you ignoring each other, waiting who’s gonna say sorry first.
a fight happened between you two and it led to those outcomes. usually the fight will end for about a week. but now, it felt like you don’t have a boyfriend anymore.
afraid that you might lose him, you decided to cook his favorite dish. baked some pastries too! your boyfriend is with his coworkers, probably drinking or just chatting about their lives.
Scara isn’t the one who enjoys gatherings like this, but these days he decided to show up more. you didn’t bother asking him about the sudden change of attitude, instead you were happy for him for finally mingling with others.
when you’re done cooking/baking, you smiled to yourself while you admired the work that you’ve done. you couldn’t wait to surprise Scara and end the cold tension between you guys. you were ready to swallow your pride.
you headed outside and the sudden cold wind brushed against your skin, making you shiver. it was really cold in Snezhnaya.
you soon heard laughing and shouting at a certain tavern near your boyfriend’s workplace. no doubt that he was there.
and just as you thought, your eyes caught a familiar violet orb, sitting with his back behind you. you slowly walked towards him, wanting to give him a back hug.
you stopped on your tracks midway to him when you saw his arms draped around another person, the person was leaning on him and he would casually massage their hair.
you were curious why they were so close to each other. maybe they’re just really close friends? but Scara never really introduced you to his friends in the first place so how would you know?
you didn’t bother thinking about it and continued to walk to your boyfriend.
“Scara! i missed you!” you said as you finally gave him a hug and sat beside him.
you placed the dishes that you made on the table in front of you and started plating for him. you saw your boyfriend frown at you. is he mad? of course he is you two got into a fight.
“Scaramouche! i see you have a lover now huh!” you heard guy said while smirking, the others were cheering on him.
you smiled and was about to say something but was cut off by him.
“lover?! you must be joking, i would never love anyone like them. besides i already have [person’s name].”
you stared at him wide eyed, tears forming in your eyes but you tried your best to hold it in. everyone went silent.
you tried to smile at them and continued plating for him. his hands grabbed your wrist so hard that you felt as if it might break.
“what the hell are you doing? you’re expecting me to eat that ugly piece of-”
“b-but i really worked hard on it, Scara..” you whispered to him but he didn’t listen.
he stared at you for a while before taking the basket filled with goods and-
“here! eat up guys! we don’t want them to go to waste now shall we?” he threw the basket to his friends and they all started eating it without a second thought.
all you could do was stare. you looked down as tears were now falling from your precious eyes.
you looked at him once again. “why are you being a bitch to me Scara? is it because of the fight we had? im here to tell you im sorry so please.. can we go back home now?”
he scoffed and held your face with one hand, making you look him in the eyes. “don’t you get it? im sick and tired of you. i don’t love you anymore.”
and with those words, your heart shattered to pieces. pieces that he put back together and made you whole again.
now you were left alone in your empty house crying in the corner, hoping that this was all a big nightmare.
why is it that the one who mended you, will also be the one to break it into a million pieces?
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♱ childe
he’s the sweet one in the relationship. he will give you gifts even though there’s no occasion to celebrate.
all in all, he’s a great boyfriend. you’re very thankful that you have him in your life. he’s always trying to make you smile and be happy.
you were cooking dinner for the two of you late at night. since his missions these days are very complicated and couldn’t be done in just one day, according to him.
you happily sing to yourself as you put the last ingredient in the pot. that was until your someone held the sides of your waist and swayed with you.
you turned to whoever’s grabbing you and readied a knife. but as you saw who’s behind, you immediately dropped the knife and jumped onto them.
“Childe! i missed you so much!” you giggled at him while he ruffled your hair and kissed you. the kiss got deeper but you stopped him because obviously you were cooking and didn’t want the whole house to burn.
“i missed you too, baby! argh i wish i could be with you all the time!” he pouted and looked at the ground, his shoulders slouching.
you cupped both of his cheeks and made him look at you eye to eye. “that’s fine, Childe. i know how hard it is to be a harbinger, i just want to spend every minute i have with you right now.”
he stared at you for too long even after you stopped cupping his cheeks and continued to serve him some dinner.
“can we dance? it’s only gonna be a minute..” you turned to him and saw his pleading eyes. you could only laugh a bit at his tactics but obliged anyways.
he grabbed you by the waist, his other hand holding your left hand. you both stared lovingly in each other’s eyes before he started swaying you side by side and back and forth.
you lie your head on his chest while doing so. his heartbeat making you calm more than ever. Childe on the other hand couldn’t contain himself and pulled you in for a kiss.
the kiss deepening as time passes by, his kisses were so breathtaking you could only tug at his shirt. hands soon traveling inside the back of his shirt.
before you could feel his bare skin, he pushed you away. your eyes widened at the sudden aggression coming from your boyfriend.
“i-i just remembered that i have work tomorrow. hehe we should eat now.”
you weren’t convinced and attempted to pull his shirt up again but he only caught your hand looking at you. he seemed tensed and you didn’t know why.
“Childe. let me see your back.” your voice was now firm and he knows that when this happens you were dead serious.
you saw him gulped and was about to say something but you quickly pulled his shirt up.
your stomach dropped when you saw scratch marks. you quickly knew what was happening. you and Childe haven’t done any sexual inter course these days since he was always away.
now you know that he was just away to fuck some other person.
he turned around hoping you wouldn’t get the idea but you were now marching in your bedroom and packing your things.
“[name].. pleasee i-i can explain!”
he was holding onto your knees, crying his heart out. he tried to stop but you knew that if you stayed, your relationship would never be the same ever again.
tears falling down, you pushed him away and into Liyue’s empty streets you go.
you were thankful for him and there he was... thankful for another person.
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♱ tags: @hua-chenqs @genshin-time-reblogs @ventisboyfriend
( if you want to be in my taglist pls see my navi. and click “general taglist forms” )
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ragingbookdragon · 27 days ago
History In The Making
Jason Todd x M!Reader
Word Count: 2K Warnings: Explicit Language
Author's Note: I forgot to put the title in this a few moments ago, but nevertheless, this is still the hill I'll die on and it's still Jason being wooed by a southern gentleman and you can fight me on it. -Thorne
The bar was in full swing when he stepped through the door. He smiled at the bouncer beside the stairs. “Evenin’ Jack,” he greeted, and the man nodded.
“Hey Beau. How was work?”
“You know me, ain’t nothin’ changin’ but the weather.” Tipping his head towards the bar, he asked, “Anything happenin’ tonight?”
“Mary’s got a buy one get one going on.” Jack replied. “Already thrown a few drunks out ‘cause of it.”
“Ah, it happens.” He patted Jack’s shoulder. “Lemme know if you need any help, bud.”
“Thanks Beau. Enjoy your night.”
“You too!” he responded warmly, sliding around him towards the bar, slipping between an older gentleman and a young man who looked to be about his age, with dark hair and teal eyes. “Miss Mary!”
The brunette woman spun around, smiled, “Beau! Good to see you!” she set a shot glass on the bar and filled it with whiskey. “Take a shot.”
He huffed a laugh, but didn’t refuse, knocking back the shot with a practiced ease. Handing her back the glass, he asked, “Have any work for me?”
“Oh, quit trying to butter me up. You’re still paying for your meal.”
“Miss Mary,” he lamented, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’m ashamed that you’d think this young southern gentleman wouldn’t pay for his meal.” He smirked at her. “But I would also be willing to pay through service and you know good and well how handy I am with fixin’ things.”
She pursed her lips and pointed a frosted beer mug at him. “You keep on and you’re gonna slip on all that syrup you’re pouring.” That had him laughing and even the young man on his right was too, quiet but still chuckling along. “But I do actually have—”
“I already said no! How many times do you have to hear it!”
“C’mon babe. Just an hour.”
His attention was drawn to the conversation a few people down on the bar and he took in the sight of a young woman and man arguing. He frowned, watching them for a moment and when the man grabbed her wrist, the young man beside him was getting to his feet with an angered expression.
He placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back to sit down, murmuring, “Lemme handle this, friend.” He walked over and took the man’s hand, removing it from the young woman’s wrist before stepping between the two of them. “‘Scuse me,” he interrupted. “but I believe this lady said she wasn’t interested.”
The man looked him up and down, scoffing, “Piss off, John Wayne, this isn’t your business.”
“Probably not,” He said. “But this young lady said no multiple times and then you grabbed her.” Standing to his full height, he glared down at him darkly. “When someone says ‘no’—they don’t mean ‘keep asking until I say yes’.”
Letting the man go, he added, “Now, I don’t think this needs to be made into a big deal so why don’t I pay your tab for you, and you go on ahead and leave. Because I think you’ve had one to many tonight and it’s going to your head.” The man seemed to think against it before he nodded; he smiled, turning to the woman. “Miss, are you—”
“Look out!” she yelled, and he spun, grabbing the man’s wrist coming at him. Spinning them, he slammed the man’s chest into one of the wooden supports, twisting his elbow up behind his back until he squawked in pain.
“Let go!” he yelled and started thrashing around.
“Shut your mouth,” he commanded, and the man fell silent at the tone of his voice. “Now you listen to me. I told you to leave but you decided to get physical.”
“You’re gonna break my arm!”
“Not if you don’t stand still and shut your mouth like I said.” The man quieted again. “We’re gonna handle this one of two ways. Either I pay your tab and you leave…or I have Miss Mary call GCPD and myself, this young lady, and every patron in this bar will give their testimony that you physically assaulted me and her.” He leaned until the man could meet his eyes. “Which way do you want? To leave? Or spend the night in a cell?”
The man seemed to sober up instantly and he muttered, “I’ll leave.”
“And you’re gonna go home and stay there for a few days.” He corrected. “I don’t wanna see you in here for a week, you hear me?” He grunted and he let him go. “Then get on with it.”
As he headed for the door, he watched him until the door slammed shut and he turned to the woman. “Are you alright, Miss?”
She smiled brightly. “Yes! Thank you! He just wouldn’t leave me alone and then he grabbed me, and I didn’t know what I was gonna do.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you earlier,” he apologized. “I would’ve gotten over here sooner if I’d have heard.” He smiled. “Lemme pick up your tab too as repayment.”
“What? No! You don’t have to do that!” she exclaimed, and he shook his head.
“Nah, don’t worry about it Miss.” He glanced at the bar. “Miss Mary, lemme pick up this lady’s tab too!”
She waved. “Will do! Now come sit down, I’ve got your food ready.”
He nodded at the young woman once more before moving back to his original spot; the older man had left by then, probably scared off by the disturbance and he looked to the young man still in his spot. “Mind if I take this seat?”
The young man shook his head. “Go ahead.”
“Thank you kindly,” he smiled and took the seat, groaning lowly as he slouched just a tad. Mary put a plate in front of him, a Reuben sandwich and some French fries. “Ah, thank you, Miss Mary. I’m starving.”
“I’m sure you are,” she chuckled. “Working hard all day around the city and stopping bar fights in here. You’re running yourself ragged.” Meeting his gaze, she asked, “Want a beer?”
“Just one,” he said. “Well, Jack said you had a buy one get one, so two then, but after that water, please.”
“Mhm.” She acknowledged, placing a beer mug in front of him.
He sipped it lightly picked up his sandwich, biting into it. Part of him wanted to start a conversation with the young man beside him, but the other part told him that whoever he was—he wasn’t interested in talking and he stayed quiet, eating in silence until someone touched his sleeve.
“Excuse me,” they said, and he cleared his throat, wiping his mouth before turning, a smile on his face as he saw the young lady from before.
“Yes ma’am! What can I do for you?”
She smiled. “Well, I’m leaving for the night and I just wanted to thank you again for your help.”
He chuckled and waved his hand. “Ah, don’t worry about it, Miss. I just did what any good man woulda done.” His tone turned solemn. “But I hope you’re not leaving alone. Have you called a friend or family member to come get you? I don’t think that man will be lingering outside but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.”
“Yeah, my roommate’s coming to get me.” She leaned close just a tad. “But I was wondering if maybe…you’d wanna come home with me?”
His jaw went slack for just a second before he recovered with a smile. “Miss, I absolutely appreciate your invitation but I’m afraid that dames…aren’t exactly my taste.”
Her eyes widened and she put a hand on his shoulder. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know.”
He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “It’s quite alright, Miss. As I said though, I’m flattered by your advance. If I liked dames, I’d take you up on that offer.”
She giggled and removed her hand. “Thanks.” It was all she said before leaving him to go back to his food and he pulled his wallet out, handing Mary a crisp hundred.
“Here you go, Miss Mary. For her tab and the fellers.”
She took it from him. “It’ll never cease to amaze me how kind you are, Beau.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “You’d better be careful with how you leave your heart on your sleeve. It’s going to get bruised one day.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” he retorted nonchalantly. “But better to be kind than be bitter. Sometimes people just have bad days and a little kindness can go a long way for that.”
“Mmm,” she cocked a brow. “Still think you should’ve laid him flat.”
He chuckled as she wandered off to another patron and he glanced at the young man beside him. “About that,” he started. “Sorry for putting you back in your seat earlier. But I was afraid that if you got to him first, you were gonna stomp a mud-hole in his ass and walk it dry.”
The young man huffed a laugh. “Oh, I was gonna do a whole lot worse than that,” he replied. “Nicely handled though. Were you trained in self-defense? That wrist grab was impressive.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “I just grew up roughhousing with my brothers and the neighborhood boys in my town.” He shrugged. “You learn to watch for what’s coming after you turn your back.”
“Speaking of ‘town’…what’s a…” he gestured to him.
He cocked a brow, but he was ultimately amused as he offered, “A small town southern man with a massive amount of sugar in his shoes doing up here in upstate New Jersey?”
The young man cackled. “That’s definitely one way to put it.”
He shrugged, teasing, “Just wanted to see if all the rumors about Northerners were right.” He held out his hand. “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).”
“Jason Todd,” the young man met him with a firm handshake. “Though I thought your name was Beau. Everyone’s calling you that around here.”
(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah, it’s my nickname. And either everyone’s callin’ me that because of my obvious good looks or because I’m a southern man.” He elbowed Jason lightly in the ribs. “I’d like to think it’s the former and not the latter.”
Jason snorted. “I can see it being both.”
“Is that so?” he asked, eyebrow arched just enough to portray his curiosity.
“It is.”
“So, I’m guessing your door is revolving, hmm?” (Y/N) inquired and Jason nodded.
“And I’m guessing yours is one way only?”
He chuckled. “It used to revolve, honestly, but then it got stuck one day and that was the last of it going round and round.” He thought Jason was going to fall to pieces from laughing so hard and he glanced at his watch. “Ah, I gotta get going,” he said, standing from his seat. (Y/N) placed another hundred between the beer mug and his plate. “Thanks for chatting with me, Mister Todd. I appreciated your conversation.”
Jason spun slightly on the bar-stool. “Do you ever get tired of calling people Mister and Miss?”
“Funny thing, when manners have been ingrained in you since birth, it’s hard to let ‘em loose.” (Y/N) smiled. “Most people are often surprised at my politeness, but I don’t have an issue with it. I like that they know I’m respecting of them even if they’re strangers.” He nodded at him. “Have a good night, Jason. Stay safe.”
As he turned, Jason reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his dress shirt. “Hey,” he called out lowly and (Y/N) paused. “Do you come around here often?”
“Every Friday night,” he replied with a smile. “But if you’re asking what I think you’re asking, meet me back here tomorrow evening at about seven and I’ll show you a little joint around the corner that serves the best pizza.”
Jason arched a brow and grinned. “It’s a date.”
(Y/N) smirked and put the hat on his head. “That it is.”
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channoticedmeuwu · 29 days ago
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— 𝐧𝐚 𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧 as....son of hades !
p : jaemin × fem!reader | g : fluff, humor, jaemin isn't human, human!reader | w : vague concepts of death and destruction
a/n : pls tell me if you'd like to see more things like this! I'm still experimenting <3
also I haven't used any pronouns in this, as I refered to reader as "you" (normally I go "she") but this is has underlying fem!reader and isn't proofread, so yeah just a heads up!
oml someone help me
Okay so nation's badboy coming through!
Make way peasants
Anyways so see, Jaemin is adorable we all know that
But this kid oof he's a different breed
quite literally bc he's not human so
now see, jaemin was born in the overworld and pretty much lived there his whole life.
The underworld was like a second home type place
Jaemin was, sadly, never his daddy's boy oml I'm getting personal
so rather, he'd run off in the overworld to pretty much very often
it's his happy place (◡ ω ◡)
happy place soon to turn into wtf place when he found you
pretty much, he could appear as human, bc that's the form he took in the overworld
of course, he'd walk around dressed in all black, carrying some sort of weapon behind his jacket, with an unwelcoming glare on his stormy eyes
he really liked how the overworld was so cheerful, he took pity on the mortals on the earth how sweet oof ( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)
no one really noticed how doom literally followed wherever he went
like, my man opens a bag of chips, BOOM some car crash happens somewhere
So naturally, he tries to not do much up there
Just sit in the warm sunshine and absorb everything that he wouldn't get in the underworld
so that no one was harmed
Oml he has a heart of gold ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ
Now right now, Mr I-have-no-feelings-so-you-should-totally-believe-me-when-i-say-idc-about-you is sitting on a rock on some mountain, swinging his legs and watching the clouds <( ̄︶ ̄)>
he's so amazed by the Earth's beauty that he sometimes forgets that he's the son of the god of the underworld
when he notices that there's some soft shuffling noise behind him
Like, someone is tip toeing in grass which is a dumb idea if you ask him bc slow motion grass crunching doesn't change the fact that you're still there and trying to sneak up on someone
BUT ANYWAYS also bc maybe his senses are beyond a human's duh my mans a god
when you appear from behind the bushes, some sort of shocked expression on your rather cute features
Jaemin was like wEOWWWWW (ノ*0*)ノ you can hear that don't lie
you were >:( cute >:(
BUT OFC mr badboy didn't show that
So he's like ಠಗಠ
"uh, what do you wan—"
now he's taken by surprise
Did you just say....soul-less?
Now he's thinking :
are you some sort of special human × monster breed or what bc why are you seeing things? Soulless grass?? Is that a thi—
That's when he looks down and sees a trail of dead grass right behind him where he walked
And he's like ",,,,,oh (・_・;)"
now you're a human, A FREAKING OUT ONE, and if he told you he was a fucking god, you wouldn't believe him >:(
so now he's panicking
So it's just two cute idiots panicking
*camera pans to my face* are we just here to suffer?
ANYWAYS *kicks camera back to the scene* YEA so two dying idiots
now you're like trying to come up with logical reasons for the dead grass
"did you spray paint it?"
"did I what?"
then you looks down to the grass around where he's sitting and it's literally spreading dead
cue another panicked scream from the both of you
you grabs some soft of...stick?
And point it at him
His arms are raised and he's staring at the stick, his eyes literally crossed rn
"stay away from me you demon"
now jaemin was internally all (╯︵╰,)
did you just call him a demon :(
the disgust on your face was real
but he didn't seem fazed on the outside, instead he just raised an eyebrow
he sighed and said "come sit next to me and I'll tell you"
And you're like "nO—" but you do it anyway bc HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS INSANE
so now its two idiots swinging legs while gazing at clouds ( ・ั﹏・ั)
"so you're telling me, you're a god?"
"son of the god of the underworld, yeah"
cue him dead panning to you
"uh yeah, how did you kno—"
he keeps forgetting how dramatic humans are
"yeah, and you're talking to his spawn right now ರ_ರ"
"woah, so that explains the dead grass"
he pretty much sighs now, because killing whatever you touch is a curse, not a blessing
he plucks a flower growing next to your leg
And goes "watch this"
soon, the flower dies in his fingers, the petals fall off and shrivel, the stem curls up from dehydration
he flicks away the delicate, decaying remains away in the sky and watches them float away
and you're watching in awe
"so, anything you touch dies?"
"depends," he only shrugs, "my power isn't as powerful as my father's. If he would walk on the grounds, the earth would open and swallow people whole. I just cause minor doom."
you hum at this and then focus on swinging your legs
he watches you quietly
Like oml that's kinda cute she's not running away screaming am I befriending a human!?
and then you look up at him, grinning stupidly
If he must say, it was hella cute
"if you touch this kid in my grade, will he die?"
"wOAH WOAH WOAH," now he's backing up in disgust, "I can't just kill anyone for fun, that's against the rules!"
"you have rules for existing?"
"well, I mean, if death was literally in my hands, which it is, killing someone for the betterment of yourself, when their time hasn't come, is basically requesting a banishment wish."
"oh, I didn't know you couldn't kill just anyone."
he's staring at you like (ー_ー゛)
"no, there are consequences"
then you're nodding like "yessir makes sense"
then you fall down, placing hands behind your head as a cushion as you gaze at the sky
"does it get lonely?"
He tilts his head in confusion like a baby puppy
"what do you mean by that?"
You shrug, "I mean that, since anything you touch can die, it must be kind of upsetting to live with"
Suddenly his lil wil godly heart does a flip
"I mean," now he's trying to squeeze next to you, "Yeah, it kinda is"
you turn your head towards his now, and you examine his face for the first time
the first thing you notice is that his eyes aren't just stormy, there are literal souls roaming behind those black things
Like black glitter floating in water
You stared into it for a while, of course, because it was literally a portal to view the worst deaths you could imagine
jaemin notices your facial expressions flatten as you look even closer at him, your eyes turning dark, your skin turning pale
so he snapped his eyes away
he didn't want you to see that and it was affecting you clearly
so he just sighs while staring at the clouds
"yeah, that's just me"
you hum now, snapping out of the daze
"wanna hang out with me? For a while?"
"why would you want doom following you around?"
"why not? You're not all bad"
now his stomach goes 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Did you just say he's not all bad??
"what's your name, son of eternal darkness?"
he had to hold himself from squealing bc DID YOU JUST CALL HIM THAT?
"u-uh it's jaemin."
you hum again, smiling a bit
"so then, jaem, let's be buddies :D"
"I'm sorry wha—"
"I'm right next to you, can't you hear me? (٥↼_↼)"
cue jaemin fake coughing
"y-yEAH I CAN HEAR YOU *cough*"
things just fly on from there
like zooM up the clouds
he'd summon when you're alone most of the time
Like a walking home from school or going to a convenience store
He was like a silent angel following you around and keeping you safe (*˘︶˘*)
it was cute indeed
he was like a cloud :] floating around with you :]
you'd hear him in your head when you're doing something sometimes
Like in school, you're doodling and the teacher catches you
"y/n, what's the 17th element in the periodic table?"
"cmon, spit it out, since you were so focussed in that art book of yours."
Now you're screwed.
suddenly this voice invades in your mind, speaking to you "chlorine, you idiot"
and then you blurt it out and WOOOOOOOOO it's correct
cheating suddenly became easier :>>>>
vdidgdidhdBDJDG but yeah, jaemin also never showed himself visibly unless he was sure you were alone to hang out with and no one would pop out
so it was pretty rare when you saw his physical form
you were sitting on your rooftop, it was the very raw moments of the night
Everyone in your neighborhood was asleep, and you were sitting there, feeling the night wind and the lights of the city when you felt some sort of particles moving to something beside you
You look over to see jaemin pop out of a black hole of darkness
the particles and the dust in the night took form of his sharp features as they sculpted into him
his eyes were closed, so when he was finally present and next to you, he opened his eyes
they were way more prettier in the night compared to when you first saw him
you barely saw him smile too, since he always said it was "tiring" like okay dark much?
he licked his lips and the corner of his lips tugged into a smile
"why hello there"
you'd chuckle at him, his pasty pale skin was glowing in the moonlight
"what are you doing here, jaem?"
"I saw you alone and decided to finally summon."
you only stared at the sky
"aren't you supposed to be in the underworld at night?"
"I have the ability to sneak out, y/n."
that's probably when it hit you
Why would someone, or something so powerful as him, take time out of his godly life to follow you and stay with you, a pitiful mortal?
it didn't make sense
why would someone so capable of anything like him do that for you?
you only?
"am I someone special to you?"
he was caught out of the blue
"um, what do you mean by that?"
now HE knew that YOU knew
If he was being honest, he just wanted to be friends
But staying with you, following your daily routine, keeping an eye on you, it made him so invested in your life
he couldn't help but fall in love with you and your habits
he loved to be with you, even if it was rare to hold your hand and even if it was hard for him to hide away
He'd risk it and now
he didn't notice you staring at him with a soft smile
"jaemin? Do you like me?"
"of course I do!" he licked his lips, "that's why I hang out with you, fool."
"yeah," you rolled your eyes, scoffing, "I mean, do you like like me?"
you narrowed your eyes, a stupid smirk on your lips as you inched closer to his face
now you're flustering a fucking god damn y/n????
his skin turned a shade of soft pink as he was interrupted by a series of coughs
"you're so funny, y/n"
but you're not dumb
"shut up, jaem, you have a crush on me, admit it."
"no I don't! I'm not human, we don't have feelings."
"then why are we buddies?"
"aha!" You pointed at him, triumphant, "I knew it!"
he found you so cute when you knew, and most of all he was just HAPPY THAT YOU DONT HATE HIM FOR IT
naturally, his icy cold fingers slid in yours when you smiled so big
he just loved it when you do that, his hands just automatically reach for yours
you felt the familiar cold spread through your bones, but it soon turned warm as it roamed your skin
"you know why I like your hands?" he hummed as he inched closer, placing his head on your shoulder, "They're really warm, they feel safe"
"it must be cold wherever you go"
"yeah, it is."
he turned around to look up at you with his glittering eyes
Damn homeboi's in love
"do you like me too?"
"of course, you idiot," you sigh, placing your head on his too, "That's why we're friends, aren't we?"
now you BOTH knew what he was thinking
you both look at each other, blushing like nuts
"do you wanna be more than,,,, uh,,,, people who just meet normally platonically?"
"Jaemin!" You push him a bit, smiling like crazy, "Humans don't say it like that!"
"I don't know, I'm not a human, y/n!"
"we say, 'do you wanna date me'"
"ah, yes, wAIT WHAT!?"
that's when you just attack his lips with your own
lmfao I'm so funny
if your hands were enough to warm him up, then your kiss is gonna make him EVAPORATE BITCG
because even though his lips were rather cold and tasted like sour pomegranates, he could feel your warmth nip at his skin
a thing he could do, too, was sense how much life was left in someone or something
and he could feel how full of happiness you were with that one kiss
your entire fate flashed in front of his eyes when you held close to him like that
he watched everything with that one kiss, your marriage, your first love, your family, even your death
it was sad okay he started crying when you tore your lips away
He held on you close after that, just giving you a soft hug
he felt safe and coldish, like snow under sunlight
he smelt something like dew and dust
it was strange
it was also a very heart warming thing when you heard him sniffle a bit against your shoulder
CUT! that's it okay I'm sorry this got depressive ;-;
Bruh please this was sad
I listened to rainbow while writing the ending scene IM SO SORRY
This wasn't supposed to even exist LMFAO I just made it up as I got emo-ier
LMFAO PICK MY DISH okay I'm off have fun dating or whatever
Last note : Jaemin marry me okay bye mwah
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main taglist (hmu to get added) : @wonciel-main @kisshim @allegxdly @stayctday  @yunntext  @neotism  @jungwon-luv-bot-pt3  @bluejaem  @leetaeyonglover  @radiorenjun  @sleepylixie @oifelixcmerebrou  @coffeevddict @mrkcore @imdamnconfused  @reinjunn @sicluvz
I'd appreciate if you'd give me a little feedback on the drabble if you read, whether it's an ask, a reply or in the tags of the rb! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
139 notes · View notes
titan-fodder · 29 days ago
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Prima Vista Part VII
[ previous ]
Rating: E (explicit; mdni)
Warnings: dramatics, gaslighting, pining pining pining, drinking, attempted drugging, blacking out, vomiting, Nile and Hitch hook up, did I mention pining, one Greek word (thank you again, @cynnyc .)
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It’s nearly ten PM as you climb the steps to the PKA house. The brisk October air makes you pull your jacket tighter around yourself and move toward the door faster. You probably should’ve texted your target first, checked to see if he’s even here, but you’re not about to stand outside and wait for a reply, not when you can just knock and ask a living soul.
 It’s Reiner who answers, looking extremely tired with dark circles under his eyes. You idly wonder if he and the other new kids are being kept awake as another stupid fucking hazing ritual, but you don’t really have the time for small talk. 
 “Erwin here?”
 The blond nods and steps out of the way. “His room. Might already be asleep.”
 Shrugging, you walk inside, mumbling, “Just gonna have to wake his ass up then.”
 Which you do, climbing up to the third story after Reiner tells you which room he’s in now. You knock on the door a couple times and almost feel bad when Erwin answers, clearly rumpled in pajama pants and bedhead. 
 He squints at you, and you snort. “Sleep before ten? You some kinda nerd or somethin’?”
 “What do you want?” He gruffs, voice a little scratchy. 
 You can see part of the room behind him, looks pretty similar to the one from last year. That had been the only time you’d really gotten a close look into his space, and it had not ended well. You hope this time will be different. 
 “I needed to talk to you about something.”
 Erwin scrubs a hand down his face then rests his head against his doorframe. “I’ll take a wild guess and say this is about Mike.”
 You push your lips out in a pout and respond, “Maybe.”
 He lets you into his room, catches you off guard when he asks, “Door open or closed?” 
 “Depends. You gonna come onto me again?”
 He chuckles and shakes his head. “I learned my lesson last time.”
 “You can shut it then.”
 Taking up the chair at his desk, you watch as Erwin just crawls back under his covers and fixes cerulean eyes on you. 
 “Why haven’t you been talking to him?”
 Something in your stomach flips, eyes growing as you splutter, “I haven’t been talking to him? He hasn’t been talking to me!” 
 Erwin frowns. “What? He’s been bitching to me incessantly.”
 “And, I’ve been bitching to Hitch incessantly.”
 Groaning into his pillow, Erwin holds out his hand, and you hear a muffled command, “Give me your phone.”
 You do without hesitation, rattle off the passcode then sit and wait as Erwin scrolls through what you assume to be your settings or contacts. The thought that you should be a little scared crosses your mind—you do have some compromising photos in an unlocked folder—but judging by Erwin’s current mood, he doesn’t seem interested in anything except sleeping. 
 “That motherfucker,” he grunts.
 “You blocked his number.”
 “What?” This time is much louder and panicked. “No, I didn’t! I swear I didn’t.”
 He tosses you the device back and gestures in a ‘see for yourself’ manner. “Someone did.”
 Your blood begins to boil as you stare down at your short list of blocked contacts, Mike’s name right on top.
 “Are you fucking kidding me?” You quickly tap to remedy the problem, hands beginning to shake. “I don’t even know how—”
 “My money’s on the shitty boyfriend,” Erwin mumbles.
 You want to text Mike, but you have no idea what to say. Sorry we haven’t talked in over a month. Zeke figured out my phone password and blocked your number haha. You doubt that would fly.
 If you had just come to Erwin sooner, most of this could have been avoided. You don’t know if you’re more upset at Zeke or at yourself.
 Zeke. Definitely Zeke. That is some wildly possessive behavior. That’s isolation. The idea makes you nauseous. This is just another instance of him showing what you believe to be his true self. Between all the fighting and grudges, you’re at your wit’s end. Just the other day, the two of you had gotten into yet another argument when you happened to get a glance at the Tinder icon in his app list. 
 “Why do you still have that?” You’d asked with a frown. You really hadn’t planned on it turning into an ordeal. 
 “Have what?”
 “What are you talking about?”
 Then, right in front of your eyes, he had deleted the app. You saw it, but that didn’t stop Zeke from looking at you with a straight face and telling you, “I think you’re just confused, babe.”
 That’s when it turned into an ordeal. That’s when you got defensive and incredulous. That’s when he just kept telling you that you were wrong, that you were just seeing things, and after a good thirty minutes once you were nice and high strung, he actually had you halfway convinced. 
 Because he always sounds so sure of himself, always makes it so that his word is law. You had doubted yourself—you’re still doubting yourself. 
 “Jesus, I can’t believe this,” you breathe, leaning back in the rolling chair and staring up at the ceiling. You can believe it, actually, you just hadn’t expected him to sink that low. “What do I even say to Mike?”
 Erwin finally pushes himself into a sitting position and stretches. Seems like he’s just resigning himself to being awake. “Whatever it is, you should probably talk it out in person.”
 “Might be a little difficult now, though.”
 Heaving a sigh, you mutter, “Yeah, I assume he's pretty pissed at me.”
 Erwin hums, but his voice comes out a little unsure when he says, “Well, that, but also…”
 You're suddenly sitting straight up. “Also what?”
 Making a face, the man across from you enlightens you to the fact that, “Mike is kind of seeing someone. I think.”
 You blink at him, trying to process what he’s telling you. Mike is… With someone? You feel sick.
 But, you shouldn’t because he’s allowed to branch out. You surely did, and you hurt him in the process. 
 “It, uh… It gets worse.”
 Swallowing, you try to hide the lump in your throat when you rasp, “How?”
 Don’t cry. Do not cry. You have no right to cry. 
 “I’m about ninety-nine percent positive it’s Zeke’s ex.”
 Every muscle in your face suddenly relaxes, but it isn’t in a good way. Instead of frowning, your brow softens into its normal position. You release the tension in your jaw, the teeth that were just clenched falling away from each other as your lips part. Erwin moves in and out of focus as your gaze becomes blurry, hot tears gathering at your waterline, and now you don’t even try to stop them from falling. 
 Fucking Rhi. She had been nothing more than an annoyance before, a peppy little annoyance trying to grab your boyfriend’s attention. But, now… Now, you’re ready to fight. Parking lot brawl, throwing fists and pulling hair, and screeching—you want to destroy her. 
 “Oh.” You sniffle then wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “That’s good. I mean—” a quiet cough, “—that’s good for him. I’m glad.”
 Erwin snorts. “No, you’re not,” his volume rises a bit. “So, don’t pretend like you are. God, why are you guys so bad at this?”
 You let out a humorless laugh and shrug. “‘Cause I have shitty timing, I guess.” You bite your lip and look back to the ceiling, trying not to weep too openly, but your lungs are burning, preventing you from breathing, and your heart is bruising your ribcage, and you think your bones just might shatter inside of your chest. 
 There’s a rustling on the bed, and when you look back at Erwin, you find him laying down again but holding the blankets up in front of him. 
 “Come on.”
 “W-what? Erwin, that is literally the last thing we—”
 “I’m not trying to fuck,” he says, eyes heavy as he stares at you. “You need to relax, and I need to sleep, so just come on."
 You consider for a while, looking from Erwin to the mattress. You’re really not that close, would barely even call him your friend, but you did come to him tonight. You had chosen to confide in him. He makes some pretty questionable decisions sometimes, but you still believe that ultimately he’s a good person. 
 “Fine, but put a shirt on.”
 “Then, grab one. Second drawer. Make sure it’s soft.”
 You roll your eyes but do as you're told, running your hands over a few t-shirts until you find one that he should be pleased enough with. He tugs it on then collapses back on the bed, and you kick your shoes off then slip out of your jacket and under the covers.
 You’re facing him, trying to keep a few inches between yourself and his chest, but as you think about the position you’re in—why you’re in it, the tears start flowing freely again, and you’re holding back little whimpers, shoulders shaking at the effort. Erwin breathes in deeply then uses the arm he isn’t laying on to pull you to him, shushing you as he rubs the space between your shoulder blades with a warm hand. 
 “We’ll get it sorted out,” he promises, voice quiet as he starts to doze. 
 It’s not how you expected to end the night, but you suppose there are worse ways.
 Mike learns a lot of information in a very short amount of time. Nile meets him outside of the fitness center to give him the scoop, trying to look casual as he walks, but Mike can tell he's nervous. 
 He starts by asking if Mike has talked to you at all recently, and no, he has not. So, Nile tells him that you broke things off with Zeke and apparently it got messy. 
 "Something about him being a manipulative bastard," Nile waves a hand. 
 "Doesn’t surprise me. Took her long enough."
 You've been hanging around the Pike house again, sometimes by yourself and sometimes with Hitch—"Who's really fucking cute, by the way." Obviously Nile and Marie are in the 'off' portion of their relationship cycle. "And, you would know all this if you would just start coming around again. It's stupid to pay dues and not actually engage with the frat, dude."
 "I've just been busy with school," Mike tells him. It's only a half lie. His senior courses are kind of kicking his ass, but he's also been busying himself with Rhi who is… tolerable. 
 "Whatever. Halloween party is in, like, a week. If you don't show up, I'm gonna be real pissed."
 "I'll be there, Nile."
 "Okay, then lemme prepare you for one more thing."
 Mike stops walking and looks at the smaller man who inhales deeply then blows air out through his teeth. 
 "So, uh, she's hanging around again, right? And, you're not there, so it seems like she's sort of, uh, latched onto…" He makes a face, and Mike leans back. 
 "Don't fucking tell me."
 Nile cringes. "Yeah. I don't think they're fucking or anything. I haven't heard them in his room like I used to hear the two of you."
 "She goes into his room?" Mike has to flex his hand by his side, but the brick wall of the library they've stopped in front of is looking mighty nice. Break a few bones, bleed a little, it'll feel good. 
 "Yeah, but, like, they're nowhere near as close as you and her."
 "How close we used to be. It's been so fucking long since we've even talked, dude. And, any time I try to catch her on campus, the dickbag is with her—"
 "Well, at least you don't have to worry about that anymore."
 "Yeah, now I just have to worry about her fucking my best friend. Fuck, she just—" Mike growls in his throat, contemplates turning to go back to the gym because he needs to get this energy out somehow. "She drives me fucking crazy."
 "Yeah, I know, man. I just didn't want you to be surprised at the party when you see 'em all buddy-buddy."
 "I'm gonna punch him," Mike states. "Just lay him out in front of everyone."
 "Please don't," Nile sounds genuinely worried. "Maybe use the party as a way to, I don't know, talk to your girl? Like an adult?" 
 "Obviously not my girl, and I've been screwing around with Rhi anyway. Maybe it's just time we went our separate ways or whatever." 
 It physically hurts to even suggest, but he's trying to put on a brave face for his friend—act annoyed rather than fucking crushed, but god, he is aching. His stomach has opened up into nothing, his chest feels void of everything that was once inside, and he knows he's being dramatic, but fuck fuck fuck, first Zeke and now Erwin? What is it that Mike doesn't have? What can't he provide you with that they can? Just tell him, and he'll fucking fix it. 
 "Yeah, I think we both know that's not gonna happen. Plus, you do realize Rhi is probably just using you to make Zeke jealous."
 "I'm not fucking stupid, Nile, of course I know that." But, Mike is really tired of his love life revolving around that asshole, like he has to wait for Zeke to call all the shots. "I'm using her as much as she's using me, so—"
 "As a distraction?" 
 Mike lets his head loll to the side, peering down at Nile from the corner of his eyes. "What do you think?" 
 The other man gives him a light punch to the shoulder and once again suggests, "Talk things out. Just pull her aside at the party." 
 It's easier said than done. When Halloween rolls around, it's a little insane. It's too big and too loud with a flashing strobe that hurts Mike’s eyes. There are all sorts of costumes, making it hard to recognize anyone. The jungle juice is a mystery, one Mike doesn't plan on touching but that many people will. He has a feeling that more than a few party-goers are gonna end up sick, probably passing out in various locations of the house. 
 Mike has opted for an easy costume, the tacky tourist complete with his pink Hawaiian shirt, a straw hat, sunglasses, and a fanny pack. It's so awful, it actually made him laugh, but Rhi, clad in a spandex tiger suit, is not nearly as amused. She probably wanted him to go the sexy cop route or something equally as cringey, but Mike just doesn't have it in him tonight. 
 Nile is a shirtless cowboy, Hitch is a Catholic schoolgirl, Gelgar is Freddy Krueger with a pompadour, Reiner is a werewolf, the list goes on and on. Sexy, bloody nurses, superheroes, Harry Potter, and so on. 
 When his eyes land on you for the first time that night, Mike comes close to drooling his drink. Lola Bunny in her skimpy basketball uniform and a rabbit ear headband. Your face is painted, and you're carrying around one of those foam balls kids use to dunk into Fisher Price hoops, and he has no doubt the prop will be lost by the end of the party. 
 Mike thinks back to Spring Break, to you wincing at his movie choice then trying to sleep through it. You had woken up to him flipping through the photo album, then chose to finally open up to him. 
 So, why this costume? Why "torture" yourself like this? 
 And, speaking of torture, you're sticking to Erwin just like Nile said you would. The blond is in a tailored suit, his face painted like a skull. It's both classy and creepy, and Mike hates him for it. In fact, it calls for another drink. 
 Rhi finds him in the kitchen after making her rounds, taking up her former place on Mike's arm as he uses the counter to pop the lid off a fresh bottle. They watch the game of beer pong playing out in front of them, but Rhi doesn't seem content to just sit. 
 She has to stand on her tip-toes and shout into his ear, "Wanna walk around some?" 
 No. He really doesn't, but he can placate her, especially if it means getting laid later tonight. 
 They trek back to the main room, observing the debauchery taking place. People are grinding and stripping to Monster Mash. Several couples are spread out in the chairs or up against the wall getting pretty close to full on exhibitionism. 
 They stop to talk to "Officer" Marie for a while then move on to Nile and Hitch to whom Rhi spills everything she just heard from the busty redhead. They joke with Gelgar and his catch of the day, some of the pledges—Jean, Reiner, and Eren—who are just trying to survive, and then at last… you and Erwin. 
 Mike sees the way your chest rises with a deep breath, how your fingers tighten around the little basketball. Your eyes flit from Rhi to Mike, flashing when Rhi greets you. 
 Oh, you don't like her. 
 "Love the costume," she tells you. "Who are you supposed to be again?" 
 Mike chokes on his drink, and you suck your teeth before replying, "Lola Bunny. The Loony Toon."
 "Oh, is that, like, Bugs Bunny's girlfriend?"
 "Kind of?" You try. 
 Rhi looks to Erwin who visibly cringes when she asks, "Why aren't you dressed as Bugs then?" 
 Mike wants to turn around, to put as much distance between all of you as possible. 
 Erwin clears his throat. "Because that would be a couple's costume, and we're not…"
 Mike knows his expression is skeptical, cold even, and when he settles it on you, you give him a little shake of your head that he doesn't really believe. 
 "Oh, alright," Rhi concedes only to chime, "'Cause I heard—"
 "Wrong," Erwin cuts her off. "You heard wrong, Rhi." A hard, blue stare lands on Mike, unforgiving when he tells him, "I think it's time you two talked."
 "I don't think that's really—"
 "Oh, fuck," your swear gets everyone's attention, and Mike takes in the shock written all over your face then follows your line of sight to the entry way where Zeke god damn Jaeger is making his way through the crowd. 
 "What the hell is he doing here?" Erwin spits. 
 "You and Nile decided this should be an open party, dumbass," Mike reminds him with a roll of his eyes. 
 "Oh, so we're name-calling now? Jesus Mike, grow up. You're just assuming shit!" As he rants, Erwin takes hold of one of your arms and pulls you behind him, snatching the furry headband from you so the ears don't stick out. 
 For a split second, Mike thinks he's trying to protect you from him, but then he nods to bring Mike's attention to the approaching figure behind him, and Mike understands. 
 He turns his body to face Zeke who's walking over, fragmented by the strobe, his icy eyes piercing straight through his glasses. Mike, despite his anger toward you, feels the primal urge to protect you. 
 "The fuck do you want, Jaeger?" 
 "Woah, calm down, bud. Just looking for a brat—about yea high, spreads her legs for any athlete she comes in contact with. You guys seen her?" 
 Mike steps toward him, but he's stopped by a hand that fists in the back of his shirt. 
 "Ah, there she is," Zeke smirks, and Mike looks over his shoulder to see you now in front of Erwin with your fingers clutching the pink material across his back. 
 "He's not worth it, Mike."
 Mike thinks he is, though. He feels like he keeps getting whiplash, going back and forth between who he wants to hit at any given moment because it seems to change by the second.
 He's just been so incredibly frustrated for the past few months. Lacrosse doesn't help, and  the gym doesn't help, and fucking Rhi doesn't help. Mike has just been stewing, letting everything fester during the radio silence between the two of you. He's mad at so many people including himself, and all he wants to do is shove his way out of this stupid fucking party and take off his stupid fucking fanny pack and be alone in his apartment under his dumb fairy lights. 
 He shrugs out of your grip, figures the best thing he can do right now is get away from all of you. Zeke stumbles when Mike shoulders into him forcefully. He's not even a little surprised when Rhi doesn't follow him, choosing to vie for Zeke's attention instead. 
 It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Mike gets another drink in him. 
 He tries not to watch the way the heated conversation turns out, the way you bow up to Zeke and Erwin has to once again put himself in between you and the other blond. He tries not to smile at the fire in your eyes, that blaze he's seen so many times (usually when you're annoyed at him), and yes, there's that pain again, barely overshadowing Mike's anger. 
 You yell something at Zeke. He yells back. Erwin feels the need to add his own opinion, but the music is too loud for Mike to be able to make any of it out. Whatever is shouted makes Zeke huff and walk away. Rhi prances after him, and Mike resigns himself to the fact that he probably will not be fucking her after this shit show. He could always find someone else, but that takes effort (not much, but still), and then they usually get clingy afterward, and he just can't be bothered with all that right now. Mike can't be bothered with anything right now. 
 So he drinks. 
 He keeps an eye on Zeke who doesn't actually leave the party, and he drinks. He stares at you from across the room, bunny ears back in place, and he drinks. Somewhere between Boom and Beer Pong, he loses the fanny pack, looks down at some point and finds that it's just no longer there. All he had in there was a lighter and a couple condoms, so he isn't too broken up about it, but he does wonder—
 Mike isn't sure what makes him look over at the counter where all the different drinks are set out, but he does, and it's just in time to see Eren hunching over the bowl of jungle juice like some shady motherfucker, and when Mike makes his way over, world spinning just a little bit, he sees the younger Jaeger brother emptying a little plastic bag of green pills into the punch. 
 "What the fu—" Mike has him by the collar before he can even finish his own question, tosses the kid away from the counter so that he actually falls to the floor. It causes a few people to hop out of the way, their drinks sloshing and spilling on the tile. "What the fuck are you doing?" 
 Eren looks up at Mike with wide, panicked eyes, like he's scared and waiting for someone to save him. 
 "I—I don't know what you think you saw, man—"
 "I know exactly what I saw, you little creep!" 
 Everyone in the kitchen is looking at the two of them as more people trickle in. 
 "What even was that? You trying to roofie the whole fucking party or something?" 
 "Just one person, then? That one special girl," Mike hisses.
 He walks back to the counter and grabs the large bowl of juice, carrying it over to Eren who's still on the ground. The kid covers his face just in time for Mike to empty the contents over his head, drenching him so that red drips from his hair and trickles down his arms. 
 "Drink up, bitch," Mike snarls before throwing the bowl so that it bounces off Eren's head. 
 Naturally, a bigger crowd has gathered, and Nile shoves his way through, shouting over the music, "What is happening?" 
 Mike leans over to yell in his ear, "Saw him pouring pills into the punch."
 "Are you serious?" 
 Mike nods but steps away when Eren pushes himself off the wet floor and nearly throws himself at Nile. 
 "I didn't do it! I don't know what the fuck he's talking about!" 
 Nile arm-bars Mike when he tries to move toward the little twerp, lips pulling back from his teeth because it has been a shitty night. A shitty week. Shitty month. And, now his fury has shifted yet again. 
 "Did anyone else see it, Mike?" Nile asks. 
 "Probably not since everyone is fucked up—"
 "Including you."
 Mike looks over at his friend in genuine surprise because it's starting to sound like Nile doesn't believe him. 
 "Why the fuck would I lie about something like this?" 
 "Maybe because he's Zeke's brother," Nile suggests. 
 Mike is heated. He can feel the blood underneath his skin cooking his god damn insides, frying his brain so that all he can think about is throwing a punch or two (or twenty). 
 Jaw sliding, Mike shuts his eyes, takes a deep breath to steady himself, to stop his hands from shaking as he tries to figure out when his friends started looking at him as some unhinged freak. 
 "What are you doing—the fu—dude, stop!"
 Opening his eyes again, Mike sees that Gelgar has inserted himself into the situation and has Eren pinned against the counter as he shoves his hands in every one of his pockets. He's growling something at the younger man, keeps shoving his face down against the linoleum any time Eren squirms, and after about a minute of people watching and gasping and making crude remarks about the position the two are in, Gelgar straightens up with a plastic bag identical to the one Mike saw Eren emptying into the jungle juice. 
 "It's just Adderall, I swear!"
 Gelgar scoffs. "This is definitely not Adderall. Believe me, I'd know." He tosses the pills to Nile who takes a long look at them before glaring at Eren. 
 "Get the fuck out before I call the cops."
 He should call them anyway, Mike thinks, but he understands Nile's hesitance. There's a lot going on at the party—underage drinking, party drugs in various rooms, etc. Eren wouldn't be the only one taken into custody if the police showed up. 
 Another voice rings out, asking the same question everyone else has, "What the hell is going on?" and Mike comes close to hurling the closest bottle at Zeke as he makes his way to his brother. "Why are you…" He gestures nebulously as his eyebrows pull together. Rhi is close behind him, and further still, you and Erwin are peeking into the kitchen. 
 "They think I drugged the jungle juice!" Eren looks at Zeke with puppy eyes that probably worked when he was a kid, might still work judging by the way the blond whirls around to face Mike and Nile. 
 "Have any proof, or are you just trying to—"
 "Pipe down, Jaeger," Nile cuts him off, holding up the bag and explaining, "Mike saw him dropping these in the punch."
 Zeke is silent for a few solid seconds before rounding on his brother again and grabbing him by the shirt right where Mike had previously held him, and everyone watches in rapt attention as he steers Eren through the crowd, shouting at him the entire time. 
 Having both of them leave is a relief, but Mike is a little disappointed that he didn't get to fight either of them. It would have been nice to feel a nose break under his fist, but he supposed it's better this way. 
 "Hey, thanks for catching that, dude," Nile says, slapping Mike's back. 
 It doesn't make him feel good. If anything, it pisses him off. Mike would understand if his friend had been skeptical of one of the pledges or second years making the accusation he had, but Nile is one of his best friends. They were inducted at the same time, were hazed side by side. Mike never would have thought Nile had such a low opinion of him, that he’d believe Mike’s little broken heart would cloud his judgement to the point of slandering someone without cause. 
 "Whatever," he shrugs before grabbing another drink. 
 He should just go back home. He isn't having a good time. He's angry at just about everyone he looks at. When Rhi decides he's worth her time again, Mike actually tells her to fuck off. He's lost the accessories to his costume, and he's about to lose his mind. 
 It's getting late. Mike isn't sure how late because as the night progresses, he gets steadily inebriated. He tries to avoid anyone and everyone in his fraternity, hanging out with people he knows from lacrosse or his classes instead. They play a few drinking games, take body shots off some sorority girls (or maybe it's the same one, he can't tell anymore). The music becomes bearable, and the strobe light stops hurting his head, and eventually, Mike just… forgets. 
 He forgets about Nile's lack of faith. He forgets about the fuckhead Jaeger brothers. He forgets about you and Erwin walking around and laughing together oh, ha ha we're so close now. He is finally spared from all of his negative thoughts. 
 Mostly because somewhere between shot number seven and beer number who knows what, Mike pukes into a plant (maybe?) and blacks out.
 "God dammit. Erwin," you tug on his jacket sleeve and point to the corner that is home to a fake ficus that Mike is currently throwing up in. 
 Erwin groans, "Oh, Jesus Christ," and starts making his way over with you hot on his heels. 
 A few people are making faces as they glance at Mike, moving away as he coughs, straightens, then bends over again. 
 "Mike, come on, buddy," Erwin pats his back, waiting for Mike to pause in his retching so that he can duck under his arm and support him. "Gotta get you to a bathroom."
 "No bath," Mike snorts. "No green there, no…"
 You take a place on his other side, not that you can help much in getting him down the hall and in one of the downstairs restrooms, but you at least support his other arm and steer him in the right direction. 
 "Why is he talking about green?" Erwin grumbles as you both lower Mike to the tiled floor in front of the toilet where he promptly pukes again. 
 "The leaves maybe? I don't know, dude. Just…" You cringe as you notice the way Mike's shaggy hair hangs down into the toilet bowl, subject to all kinds of splash back. "Do you have a hair tie on you?" 
 "Literally why in the fuck would I have a hair tie on me?" Erwin asks incredulously, and you laugh because a couple weeks ago, he never would have used that word in this context since it's wrong, but the more you spend time with him, the more he picks up on your vernacular, and that really doesn't matter right now because—
 "Water," Mike croaks, voice echoing off the ceramic. 
 "I don't think you'll be able to drink any right this second, man," Erwin tells him, squatting beside him. 
 Mike shakes his head. "Wanna feel—feel water. Cold."
 "He sounds like a fucking caveman," you snicker. 
 You're really just trying to stay calm, masking the sick feeling in your stomach with amusement, but you've been watching Mike all night as he downed beer after beer, mixing various liquors as he took shots and licked salt off some chick's stomach. You figured he would get sick, but there wasn't really much you could do about it. He had made it pretty clear he isn’t interested in speaking to you. Still, you had purposely remained mostly sober just in case something like this happened (also because you make bad decisions when you get fucked up at frat parties).
 "Yeah, he definitely won't remember any of this."
 "Waterrr," Mike tries again, and you look at the way his arm is dangling over the side of the tub, the faucet on the opposite side, and glance at Erwin at a loss. 
 He shrugs, eyes darting around until he sees the plastic cup upside down on the shower rack. He grabs it, turns the water on and fills the cup, then dumps it over Mike's hand. 
 Mike groans, slowly wriggles his fingers under the stream, and drawls, "Thaaaank."
 You shake your head and motion for the cup, talk loud enough to be heard over the faucet, "I can handle this. You go back outside."
 "What? No."
 "There's no reason both of us have to be in here. He's just gonna puke his guts out for a few hours and then pass out." 
 Erwin doesn't seem sold on the idea. 
 "Come on. You've gotta go back. You're vice president or whatever."
 He stares at you for a while then deflates. "Fine. Do you have your phone on you?" 
 "Always." You gesture to the elastic waistband of your shorts, phone pressed to your hip as it hangs on the inside of the material.
 "Text me if you need help, alright?" 
 "You got it, boss."
 He leaves just in time for Mike to violently retch into the toilet, one hand clutching the bowl as his spine curves. You fill the cup back up, pour it over his hand once again, and repeat the action over… and over… and over.
 His face and hair are gonna be a mess, probably his shirt too which is actually a blessing because you'll finally have a legitimate reason to burn it. Pepto Bismol pink and sketched palm trees stare at you as you sit on the edge of the tub, and all you can think of is the first time you saw Mike wearing the terrible shirt, how that had ended up, how you left with it the following morning. 
 How had the two of you gone from that to this? Sure, you weren't super fond of him at the beginning of it all, but he grew on you. A lot. He's your best fucking friend. Through the last couple months, through this weird fight you're having, he is your best friend. It's why you're here right now taking care of his drunk ass. 
 It'll pass. This phase will pass, and you'll make up, and you'll get your chance to be honest with him, to tell him how you feel about him. It may have taken you a little too long to arrive at your destination, so to speak, but better late than never. Soon, you'll both be able to look back on this and laugh. 
 People knock on the door here and there, and you scream at them to go away, eventually getting tired of it and just clicking the lock into place. 
 Any time you stop pouring water over his hand, Mike whines and attempts to say something, choppy words that don't make a ton of sense. You wonder if you need to call an ambulance, look for the signs of alcohol poisoning, but he doesn't feel cold, his breathing is even between bouts of vomiting, and his arms aren't curling in that tell-tale way. 
 More than likely, he just made himself sick. He knows better, too. He's been partying for a long enough time to be well aware of the mixing rules. Beer before liquor and all that shit. He may have just not cared tonight, though. From what Erwin has told you, Mike has just been in a generally bad mood for a while now (and Erwin has not tried to be subtle about why). He's barely around the Pike house anymore, he keeps getting called for personal fouls in lacrosse, and he's sleeping with Rhi which is nobody's business but is also strange considering her history—some kind of mutualistic symbiotic relationship that nobody is a real fan of. 
 Not my circus, not my monkeys, you think to yourself, emptying another cup from your place on the floor now. The ceramic was starting to hurt your ass, and you know your arm will probably be a little sore tomorrow, or later today since it's nearing three. 
 Fatigue is beginning to set in, and you know Mike is exhausted because he keeps dozing off on the toilet seat so that you have to nudge him back awake. Until he can speak in mostly coherent sentences, he's not allowed to sleep. 
 Sitting in the bathroom gives you ample amount of time to think. You go over some mental flashcards for a while, notes you took with the help of Mike's magic textbook. Then you think about going to your mom's for Thanksgiving and how much you aren't looking forward to it. Then you think about Zeke showing up only to have to escort his shady brother from the house. God, you had not been happy to see him. You'd been a little afraid, if you're being honest. 
 After figuring out that he had, in fact, blocked Mike's number on your phone, you had stomped into his apartment and initiated a screaming match. You got loud, he got louder, called you a stupid bitch and punched a hole in the drywall. You had decided that was a pretty good time to leave, both the apartment and the relationship. He's been lurking on campus around your most frequented spots—the science building, the library, but you've been doing a good job of camouflaging yourself in groups of other students. Even if he can see you, he can't do much about it. 
 You've thought about reporting him to campus police, but you know nothing will come of it. The golden boy can do no wrong. It's why you've been spending so much time at the PKA house again. You know most of them have your back, and you are absolutely not above asking any of them to walk somewhere with you to fend off your angry ex. 
 You can't wrap your head around what his fucking deal is. Surely he didn't treat Rhi like this after they split. There's no way she would still be so infatuated with him if he had. Is it just because you're the one who dumped him? He had to have seen it coming once you started putting the pieces together, the way he constantly tried to make you feel guilty, isolating you from your friends, invading the privacy of your phone to not only block Mike but also to turn your fucking location on so he could track you (you had found that out after that first trip back to the frat house to talk with Erwin. It had not been pretty).
 It's hard to believe you put up with it for as long as you did. It was only five months, but that's still five months too long. 
 Mike is quiet for several minutes, and you sigh when you see that his eyes are closed once again. He makes a noise of displeasure when you use your foot to gently shake him, grumbling, "Sto-o-op."
 "Nope. Gotta stay awake, Miche. Can't have you fallin' into a coma or something'."
 "Nooo. No Miche."
 "Yes, Miche," you laugh. 
 He scrunches his face up, shakes his head, but the motion seems to make him sick again. 
 When he finishes gagging into the toilet, he lets out a deep, "Gu-uuh," then sniffs. "No Miche. Jus' she—she—...Jus' her."
 You can figure out the rest, but you can't decide if you want to smile or cry. Only you can call him that. Well, you and his mom. You miss her. And his dad. And Scout. You hope to see them again. 
 "Okay. Just Mike then."
 He hums in confirmation then shakes his hand in the tub so that you'll douse it once again. 
 "You're a needy drunk, you know that?" 
 Mike doesn't respond to that, just takes a few deep breaths as his eyes close yet again. 
 "Sleep now," he mumbles. 
 "No, no sleep now."
 "Sleep now."
 "Oh my fucking god."
 His mouth drops open a little, and the first thing you think to do is splash him in the face with the cup of water. 
 He spits and splutters but doesn't shift much, still wrapped around the toilet. You try not to look inside when you stand and reach to flush what's already gathered, trying to shield some of Mike's face from any flying droplets. Then you wash your hands and sit back down. You figure you'll be here for at least another couple of hours. The sun will be coming up soon. Thank god it's a Saturday. 
 Both Erwin and Nile knock on the door for an update, and you yell that you're okay. Mike isn't throwing up as often, and when he does, nothing is coming up anymore. He's gonna be in a world of pain when he returns to his normal self. 
 So fucking stupid. He's so fucking stupid. 
 He mutters nonsense on and off. Sometimes you can translate what he's trying to say, but other times not so much. 
 "President… dumb boyyy."
 "Hy-poc-risy an' jealous… Hypocrite… I…"
 "Hand… wanna hold…" but when you grab it, he just gurgles, "Waterrr." 
 There's really no pleasing him. 
 "Why-y-y… dick… Erwin."
 "Volcano books… n' space jam… come an' sam… an'... to the jam."
 You laugh too loudly, and Mike cringes at the noise, but the corner of his mouth still lifts. You don't think he knows what he's doing or saying yet—isn't downloading any new memories—it doesn't matter because you will remember this for the both of you. 
 "You're fucking ridiculous."
 Mike pushes himself back from the toilet to sit against the wall, hissing and clumsily rubbing his chest. His shirt is wet and disgusting, and he must know on some level because he says, "Shower," and starts pulling himself over the tub. 
 "Jesus Christ, Mike."
 He's too tall, dangling an arm and a leg over the side and sinking lower. 
 "Water, pleeeease."
 He apparently isn't aware of the faucet that is still on. Whoever has to pay these bills… You feel sorry for them. 
 "No, dude. I am not letting you drown."
 Mike fucking giggles, "Lifeguard," then tries to take his shirt off. He doesn't have the motor skills to handle buttons and looks to be confused by them anyway, so his next solution is to just rip the material down the middle. 
 "Yeah, okay, I guess that works."
 The showerhead is turned on, and you sit on the edge of the tub again, shivering when the cool spray blows toward you while keeping an eye on Mike. Reaching over, you turn the temperature up a little, knowing that the alcohol has dropped his body temperature some. You're almost tempted to slide under the water with him, but there's no room, and you're not about to just make yourself comfortable on top of him.
 So, you just sit and stare and think about how tired you are. Physically and mentally and spiritually tired. You just need some time to not exist—just a few days. It feels like this semester has been nothing but drama so far, and it is exhausting. Maybe that's why Mike did this to himself. Maybe he just needed to not exist. 
 He starts to sit up a little in the tub, but his hand falters and sends him sliding back down. "Fuck."
 Not caring about getting wet at this point, you simply stand up between his spread legs, the shower drenching you immediately, and grab his hands to tug him upright. 
 "Come again?"
 "Means thanks," he mumbles, slumping forward. 
 You think of his family again, how he and his mother had just fallen into Greek as soon as you'd stepped into the house, leaving you surprised and impressed and warm in several different ways. 
 Squatting, you tilt your head to catch his half-lidded gaze. 
 "You back with me yet?" It's been nearly four hours—Fuck, why is there music playing still—but he might need more time. 
 "Can you tell who I am?" 
 Mike does his best to roll his eyes. "'m drunk, not a amnes—amnesic—"
 "Amnesiac," you supply with a smirk. Smartass.
 "That," he nods, pointing at you with a finger gun. 
 He can actually understand you now, so that's good, don't have to worry about him dying anymore since he's making progress. 
 Opening his mouth, Mike catches some water in it, swishes and spits. You expect him to tell you that you can leave. He can take care of himself, doesn't want to see you, all manner of hurtful things he has every reason to feel. 
 Instead, he blinks at you, extends his arms, and makes grabby hands. 
 "Can I help you?" 
 He doesn't say anything, just keeps reaching for you. He could grab you without issue. His fingers are already brushing your knees, but he either doesn't notice or wants to wait for you. 
 "Mike, I can't get any closer," you laugh. 
 Switching tactics, he pats his chest. 
 "Oh, no. I am but about to put myself in the line of vom just 'cause you wanna cuddle or some shit."
 Truthfully, you would also like to cuddle, to feel Mike's body against yours again, trace your fingers over his skin and listen to his heartbeat, but…
 Not like this. 
 "Please. No more vom. Promise."
 "I don't think you're in a state to make promises like that."
 He says your name followed by one more, "Please," and you give in, letting out a long breath and grunting as you find a way to lay between his legs with your head on the lower part of his sternum. You're curled a little awkwardly, one foot up against the ceramic while the other is curled beneath you. It is not by any means a comfortable position, but it's what Mike wants. 
 A few months ago, laying like this would inevitably lead to other things. Talking and joking would lead to giggling, maybe some well aimed prods to your ribs. You would bite in retaliation, his shoulder or, if the angle was right, his nipple, until he pulled you up further to sit in his lap, hot mouth finding yours, and so on and so forth. 
 This is different on every possible level. Neither of you are speaking. Your hands are unmoving on each other's bodies. There's no heat save for the water that's pouring down on both of you, plastering your silky costume to your skin. 
 Still, it's enough to lull you into a drowsy state, the ache in your eyes urging you to close them, but as soon as you do, Mike speaks. 
 "'m mad at you."
 Your stomach drops. His words don't come as a surprise, but they still sting. 
 "I know," you sigh. "I'm mad at me too."
 Your head moves with his chest, a gentle up and down that could—and has—put you to sleep. 
 "Still love you."
 You bite your lip, fingers lightly digging into Mike's warm skin as you remind yourself that he's drunk, and he hates you, and he probably won't remember any of this when he wakes up anyway. There's no reason to get emotional over it. No reason. 
 "I love you too, Miche."
 Silence closes in around you once more. You drift in and out for about half an hour until a loud knock jolts you awake. 
 You scramble off of Mike and hop to the door, leaving puddles and drops behind you. Both Nile and Erwin look panicked in the hallway, the shorter man nearly shouting, "Is he fucking dead in there?" 
 "Not deeeead," Mike calls from the tub. 
 Erwin peers over your shoulder at him, then at you, then takes on a disappointed expression. "You didn't. Come on, he's so drunk."
 "What do you—" You frown as you piece together his implication, then squawk and shove Erwin with two wet hands. "I didn't fuck him, you perv! What is wrong with you?" 
 He chuckles and bats away your hands. "I never know with you two! You can't blame me!" 
 "You're disgusting."
 "Look who's talking. Have you seen yourself in the mirror?" Erwin raises his eyebrows. "Less bunny and more… I don't know, ghoul?"
 God, you had completely forgotten about the face paint. 
 "Shut up, yours isn't much better." His black and white paint is smeared in several places like someone ran their fingers through it. The collar of his shirt is stained, and his hair is tousled. You can't tell if it's the result of getting frisky or falling asleep. 
 "Stop flirting in front of meeee," Mike whines loudly, sitting up and pushing the shower knob a little too hard to shut the water off. 
 "We're not—" You and Erwin start at the same time.
 Nile interrupts with a drawn out, unconvinced little note and informs both of you, "You guys get a little flirty sometimes. Sorry to break it to you."
 You frown at the blond and he frowns back, then you both frown at Nile who shrugs. "I'm just saying. There's a reason people are thinking things."
 It's not important, and you'd rather not dwell on it because you know the truth, and Erwin knows the truth, and Mike will if he'll just fucking listen, but he's fucked up right now, so that's a problem for another day. 
 "Whatever, we'll work on it, but for now…" You watch as Mike tries and fails to pull himself out of the tub. 
 "He looks like the girl from The Ring," Erwin snorts. 
 "Yeah, if she was giant. And, a guy," you add. 
 Wet hair is hanging over Mike's eyes, still sopping wet and dripping. He's all awkward angles as he hoists himself up, kicking a leg over and swearing. 
 "We should probably help him," Nile says, fighting his own smile. 
 Between the three of you, you manage to transport Mike from the bathroom to Erwin's room on the third fucking floor which is no easy feat. Nile waits for his friend to be dumped onto the mattress, then announces that Hitch is waiting for him to come back to bed. You don't know how long that will last, but your friend falling into the same frat boy trap you did is mildly hilarious. 
 It leaves you and Erwin to make Mike comfortable. You wrap his head in a towel you found poking out of the hamper, murmur, "Hope this doesn't have anything gross on it," to which Erwin responds with an unamused look. 
 You peel the ruined, tacky shirt from Mike’s shoulders and toss it into a corner but you let Erwin take care of the rest. You've seen everything Mike has to offer, but that doesn't stop you from feeling weird about seeing his dick when he can't really stop you. So, like Mike did last year when he spilled water on your shirt, you turn your back to allow him some privacy. 
 There's some rustling and grunting, but when Erwin tells you it's safe, you look to find Mike in a pair of gym shorts, hair still wrapped, looking more disgruntled than you've ever seen him. 
 "'m still wet."
 "You sure are, big guy," Erwin agrees, slowly guiding him to lay down on his side and explaining, "You need to sleep like this, alright? Otherwise you might choke and die."
 "Erwin!" You throw your hands up in the air. "Why would you even—?"
 "Know how it works, dumb… butt."
 "Oh, dumb butt. That's a good one," Erwin grins. "Very creative."
 "Don't panotrize me!" 
 You have to cover your mouth to keep from cackling, and Erwin shakes his head, corrects, "Patronize, Mike. Patronize."
 "That's what I said!" 
 It takes a while to get him relaxed again. Apparently, Mike's favorite thing to do while drunk is run his mouth to Erwin, so while he's busy dealing with that, you raid Erwin's closet for a shirt and then his dresser for boxers. Once you are mostly dry, you snatch the towel from Mike's hair to wipe your face and toss it away, then step up onto the bed near the pillows, urging Mike to shift so that you can sit against the headboard. 
 He immediately rests his stubbled cheek on one of your thighs, then wraps both arms around the other, his fingers melting into the fat just below your ass as he grunts, "Mine."
 "All yours, buddy," Erwin assures with a grin before glancing at you. "I'm gonna pass out in the chair—" he gestures to the one in the corner of the room, "—if you need me for anything, just wake me up, okay?" 
 "Yeah, thanks." Then, "Hey, Erwin?" He hums in response. "Don't tell him about tonight, like, me staying with him."
 "I don't want him to stress out about what he may have said or done. 'Cause I know he will."
 "Whatever you say," Erwin shrugs, collapsing in the chair without even changing or washing his face. All three of you are gonna look like characters from a horror movie whenever you wake up, and the thought makes you smirk as you card your fingers through Mike's damp hair. 
 It's getting longer. He could probably put it up if he wanted to. He's been letting his beard grow a little too. You aren't sure if it's laziness or just trying a slightly different look, but whatever the case, it's hot. 
 He keeps your leg clutched tightly to him like some kind of stuffed animal until he drifts off to sleep. It's nearing five, and you know you probably won't get any quality rest while you're here, so you figure you'll just doze for a while until you can safely extract yourself from Mike's grip. He probably won't appreciate waking up like this anyway. No matter what he's said to you and Erwin—declarations and staked claims—it'll all be worthless in just a few hours. 
 A symphony of snores plays through the room, Erwin splayed out in his chair like he's passed out in a cheap Vegas hotel while Mike drools on your thigh, and if it was anyone else, you'd be disgusted and shove him away, but since it’s Mike, it’s weirdly endearing. He can slobber on you all he wants, it won’t bother you in the slightest. 
 Eventually, the sun shining through the window becomes too bright for you to even fall into a light sleep, so just as you planned, you gently untangle yourself from Mike, pausing when he grunts and frowns, but when he doesn’t stir any more than that, you manage to slip out of the bed. 
 Grabbing your phone and costume, still a little wet and cold because of it, you leave as quietly as you can. Your shoes are still in the downstairs bathroom along with Mike’s shirt, and you have a legitimate mental debate over whether you really should just toss it, but as much as you hate it, you decide against it. 
 You have to step over several bodies to get to the front door, more than usual which is concerning since the punch Eren spiked was thrown out (or really, thrown all over him), but you’re able to make it out without tripping.
 The drive to your dorm feels too long, sun beaming right into your itchy eyes the entire way. You nearly cry in relief when you finally fall onto your mattress, already well aware that most, if not all, of your day will be spent under the covers. You’re more than fine with it, allowing yourself to just not exist for several hours exactly how you wanted to.
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califox73 · a month ago
A Very Punchable Face
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Punchable Face German
A Very Punchable Face Review
A Very Punchable Face Chapters
A Very Punchable Face Audiobook
© Crown Before the debut of his upcoming memoir A Very Punchable Face, the SNL writer and Weekend Update anchor spoke to EW about bombing on live TV and his favorite Scarlett Johannsson performance.
A Very Punchable Face did not disappoint: Colin tells tales of his childhood, of his time as a SNL writer and everything in between. I think his surfing story with Jimmy Buffet in St. Bart’s had to be one of my favourites, and the anger in Colin’s voice on the audiobook as he describes what happened to him at the Google offices had me. About halfway through Colin Jost’s new memoir, A Very Punchable Face, he tells a story about the time he passed out drunk in a Helsinki cemetery. “I’m the kind of person who, once he gets sleepy,”. In Colin Jost's memoir A VERY PUNCHABLE FACE, Jost describes growing up on Staten Island, dealing with his mother being the chief medical officer for the NYFD, and finding comedy at Harvard and never looking back. Jost has some great stories of his time at SNL as well as funny memories of stand up comedy shows gone horribly wrong. Told with a healthy dose of self-deprecation, A Very Punchable Face reveals the brilliant mind behind some of the dumbest sketches on television, and lays bare the heart and humor of a hardworking guy—with a face you can’t help but want to punch. It’s Colin Jost’s dedication and the very first joke of his book. Simple, absolutely hilarious, and sets the tone for the entire book. In reading his memoir, A Very Punchable Face, it’s easy to see why Colin Jost is the head writer for Saturday Night Live as well as holds the coveted position as one of the hosts of Weekend Update.
By simply browsing through Saturday Night Live co-head writer and Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost's new memoir, you'll quickly realize the 38-year-old comedian excels at two things: embarrassing himself by accidentally pooping in public (Seriously. In just one page, he says the word five times.), and nearly embarrassing himself for an almost completely unnecessary reason. Somehow those are two very different things, especially when talking about the time Jost avoided a crisis leading up to SNL's now-famous Diner Lobster sketch starring John Mulaney. The following story is defecation-free, guaranteed.
'In the dress rehearsal for Diner Lobster, the tank was getting pushed out to reveal Kenan [Thompson], but the tank got stuck and began rotating,' Jost tells EW. 'Here's Kenan with a French revolutionary costume on. The tank is rotating, and he's still maintaining the majesty of that part.'
The lore of that sketch is described in further detail in A Very Punchable Face, out July 14, in a chapter where Jost takes a walk down memory lane of some of his notable sketches and moments on SNL. Famously, the first version of the Les Mis-spoofing Diner Lobster which aired in 2018 bombed during a table read back in 2010.
'The read-through is usually around 40 sketches,' Jost explains of the initial sketch co-written by him and Mulaney, who was a writer on the show at the time . 'You can sometimes have a sketch and it's just in a weird place in the read-through, where maybe the sketch before had something strange in it that threw the room off. Or it's late in the read-through and people are tired. [Diner Lobster] never ignited people. It just didn't work as a sketch at the table read.' For all they knew, the sketch was dead. Comedy gold, lost.
© Provided by Entertainment Weekly Will Heath/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank/Getty Images
Years later, after the success of Mulaney's stand-up specials, he returned to host the show in 2018. Mulaney and Jost pitched a revised version of the sketch, still with Thompson as the lobster singing while in a rolling water tank. Luckily, nothing happened in the live version, but the near-disaster is indicative of a theme in Jost's life: rolling with the punches, even when they're aimed (or literally rolling) straight toward you.
Punchable Face German
Throughout the rest of A Very Punchable Face, Jost looks back not only at his 15-year tenure on Saturday Night Live, but the many times he's been the butt of a joke at the expense of his family, friends, and, well, all of social media. He's fallen asleep in a cemetery. He's broken his hand playing an arcade game. He was pelted by fruit while on vacation in Paris with his fiancée Scarlett Johansson.
Before the book's debut, EW spoke with Jost about his streak of embarrassing moments, and what his SNL future looks like given the current quarantine. We also put Jost in the hot seat to answer what his all-time favorite Johansson performance really is.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What's most embarrassing, being caught with poop in your pants on a golf course or bombing on SNL?
A Very Punchable Face Review
COLIN JOST: For me now at this point, anything with SNL like a joke not working is so much more embarrassing to me than pooping my pants. Just because at this point I've been there, done that. I've let go of all the shame related to [the pooping].
Speaking of embarrassing, in the book you talk about you being one of the first people to be on Facebook since you were at Harvard when Zuckerberg created it. Back in the day, do you remember having those typical embarrassing posts?
Video: Mike Rowe says ‘Dirty Jobs’ reboot is about showing folks ‘what really happened that day’ (FOX News)
A Very Punchable Face Chapters
No, almost never. Ever since it started I truly thought that it was a gigantic waste of time. I just never went on it because I was like, I could really throw away my entire day doing this. No one's ever looked back and said 'Wow, I'm so glad I did put that on Facebook.' You never see a book that's like 'My Best Facebook Posts' and think that's a real accomplishment.
You have a little bit of a connection to Conan O'Brien in the fact that he's an SNL alum who also worked at the satire magazine Harvard Lampoon when he was at Harvard. Was that something you guys ever talked about?
I actually only met Conan very briefly when he came to SNL and stopped in the writers' room maybe 10 years ago. I always looked up to him. I remember he spoke at a graduation, a Harvard graduation one year. I read the script. It was before I was there. I thought it was one of the funniest graduation speeches I've ever heard. I actually sent him the book and wrote him a letter. I wanted to send it to him because he was someone that was very inspiring to me. He sent me back such a really, really funny and sweet letter typed up on a typewriter. It's something I will always treasure.
Speaking of SNL, do you expect them to start in the fall in-studio given what's happening with the quarantine?
I have no idea. I would love to go back to the studio. It's hard to do it remotely. You also miss the production value. We'd much rather be in a studio if it's at all possible. So we might be in the studio [next season], but in a modified way. You know, or we might have to do it from home. It's hard to say.
A Very Punchable Face Audiobook
Whether you return to SNL or not, what do you plan to keep yourself busy with beside the show?
There's definitely movies I want to work on. There are also television projects that are exciting. And I think in the future, other kinds of books would be really fun to work on, too. I'm always someone who tries to focus on whatever is ahead of me, immediately. Focus on one thing at a time.
That's a very NBA press conference answer
I base all my answers off NBA press conferences. I try to dress the same. I try to answer the same. Whatever [Houston Rockets point guard] Russell Westbrook's doing, I try to do in my own life.
Back to your book. You have a chapter that details your meet-cute with your fiancèe Scarlett when she hosted SNL in 2010. You even say you wrote that Super Sweet Sixteen spoof she was in. We have to ask, what's your favorite Scarlett performance of all-time? No pressure.
She's made a lot of great movies, but I would say Lost in Translation. When I saw it, I guess in the theater, I just thought her and Bill [Murray] together was such a great performance. It was a beautiful movie. It's funny now looking back, because I obviously never watched those movies thinking, someday I might marry someone in this movie. [Laughs]
Don't you mention in the book you actually went to Murray's Christmas Party once? Give us a tidbit.
I couldn't possibly divulge any secrets.
Maybe in your memoir sequel, a follow-up to Everybody Poops?
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Absolutely. That's book number two.
Germancompound word for a 'face that should be slapped'
When GWB smirks on TV, my German friend Uwe tells me that he sees a 'Backpfeifengesicht'.
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v. collectively or individually finding someone/something to blame for a problem, as opposed to brainstorming which connotes finding solutions to a problem n. the act of finding someone/something to blame for a problem (from a TV ad for HD television)
The committee commenced blamestorming over the situation rather than seeking solutions to the problem.
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A German compound word/term that loosely translates to 'Cheek pipe face'. In common use it means something to the effect of 'A face badly in need of a fist' meaning this is a person that needs to be punched. Alternate translations list the given action as 'slap' rather than 'punch' or the given weapon as 'crowbar' rather than 'fist'.
Uwe Boll's offenses against the video game industry would not be as bad were he not a Backpfeifengesicht.
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From German: Backpfeifengesicht A face that deserves to be slapped ( - or in the case of a Hackfresse - punched as hard as humanly possible and/or hit with a chair). See also: Sean Hannity
He's the biggest backpfeifengesicht I've everseen.
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German compound word for a 'face that should be slapped' - and growing in English usage thanks to Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta).
My God, the Backpfeifengesicht on Ted Cruz - and he really is that much of an asshole! Are people actually voting for him, or just voting against old Captain Comb-over?
by EazyBeezy February 24, 2016
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myfavouriteshadeofblue · a month ago
Chapter 3 - Missing You?
To Timothy -
I thought it was just in my mind.
I thought it was just a lie.
Really sad. Sad Beautiful Tragic vibes.
Hate him.
Awful brother. Why did I miss him so much?
Loathe him.
Betrayal by my own kin. That has to be punishable by the death penalty at the very least, right?
Picture to Burn vibes.
If it was anyone else, I really wouldn’t have minded half as much.
Hormones. I bet that’s it. He still hasn’t gotten over Cathy. Ew. Cathy, not the hormones. Don’t Blame Me vibes, except he really has gone crazy.
But if that were true he wouldn’t have gone for Lily. Tim’s like that; he’s completely absorbed and devoted over only one girl at a time.
But maybe he’s back to Cathy because he hasn’t seen Lily in ages.
But that really doesn’t sound like Tim.
How should I know? It’s not like I really know my brother anyway. Not after today.
Carrie’s chucking cupcakes at my window but they keep falling on Tim’s window so he finally stuck his head out to shake his fist at her. If I wasn’t dying I’d be worried because that means he’s really keyed up but, like I said, I’m dying. I’ll be worried about him after my funeral. (No roses please, too cliche.)
The Last Will and Testament of Olivia Renee Wisteria
I, Olivia Renee Wisteria, of 15 Brickwood Lane, revoke all former testamentary dispositions made by me and declare this to be my last will.
I leave my cat, Mr. Cuddles, and my fanciest pen to Caroline Jean Stells, my bestest (I’m dead so fuck you if you still want to point out that’s not a word, Carrie) and most treasured friend. I would also like to leave her 30% of my love and my deepest regrets that I could not taste the cupcakes she kept pelting at my window. That last Red Velvet one looked especially good.
I leave all my clothes, minus the brown fedora with a peacock feather in it, to Isabella ______ Vaughan (I don’t know her middle name! Just send them to the house on the right) as she has all the potential of becoming a fabulous fashion designer one day. I also bequeath her my blue box with a bow on it, that is full of love letters written by Carrie Caroline from fourth grade, as well as apologies if some of them have some grape jelly on them.
I leave my yellow feathered boa to Amber Hailee Gretel, for all the crazy times we had writing last year’s Fall play’s script. I hope it reminds her that sometimes, the best things happen when you’re impulsive. I would also like to leave her a request to train Carrie while I rot in my grave, even if it means leading her to the auditions with a gun to her head.
I leave my aforementioned fedora to that eagle at the docks with a black stripe around his left leg, as a peace offering, along with my sincerest apologies for calling it a pigeon. I hope it enjoyed my bagel.
I leave my mother all my awards and my handwritten manuscript of The Last Dynasty, along with 50% of my love and assurance that she was in my mind and heart in my final moments.
I leave my father (if you manage to find him) that framed picture of my middle finger that I made him the day he left (‘cause fuck you, Dad), the brown album of family photographs (I’m hitting it where it hurts) and the lilac box under my bed.
I leave my snow globe, piggy bank w/ its contents and the remaining 20% of my love (if he’s stopped acting like a fucking moron) to my asshole of a brother, Timothy Ashton Wisteria, along with orders to grow some balls man up and resolve things with Lily.
I leave my entire collection of socks to “Dr. Cupid” (very sus name) because I know a surprisingly short list of people. He better take good care of them or I swear I will come back from the grave just to haunt him.
And, um...I’d like this book to be buried with me. If I can. If I can’t...burn it. That should be all.
I hereby blah blah blah
May her good (ish) soul rest in peace.
Olivia Renee Wisteria
Load of old tosh anyway. I need a proper executor and all that jazz.
Carrie’s outside my door and telling me to stop being so overdramatic. Psh. Overdramatic, me? Carrie’s in the house. Interesting. Tim probably felt guilty enough to let her in. Good. He should.
Ok I’m done. Starving to death was too long and tiresome and painful anyway.
8.52 p.m., 26 August 2020
Carrie was really relieved that I stepped out of my room but then had to go home for dinner so now I’m at the dining table watching Tim cook his famous creamy mushroom pasta. Yup, he’s definitely cringing with guilt. I think I’ve recovered enough from the trauma to write out what happened.
So, I couldn’t stay at Carrie’s drinking hot chocolate forever (as much as I’d like to) and I thought I’d pop home to get my script so I could start working on Carrie. That was when I got the biggest shock of my life.
Here’s a few things to know about the Wilsons:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilson went to the same secondary school as my parents and were “highschool sweethearts” but were about the nastiest couple ever. It was a match made in hell.
Dad used to be in the school band and Mr. Wilson used to bully him (being the prick that he is) until Dad punched him in the face one day. It was epic. Mr. Wilson was belittling my mom’s paper mache (like, come on dude. Do you hate all types of art?) when my Dad just went up to him and POW! Wish I was there.
Because of this, we kind of have a bit of a feud with them. I mean, we weren’t prejudiced against them or anything (Dad was) but after I stole Krissy’s sand toys on the first day of kindergarten, I guess it was just in our blood.
2 years after Krissy was born, Mr. Wilson’s great-uncle died (fine fellow, still used to come to community centre parties even though he was like 80 and the Wilsons thought it “beneath them”) and they inherited a huge sum of money which is why they’re still so filthy rich to this day.
Around the same time, Dad lost an equally large sum of money in his business when his partner ran off with all the money. We became kind of poor and Mom and Dad were taking on as many jobs as they could. Things are much better now (Tim helped to pay off the last of the debt by working as a part-time ice cream vendor last summer) but everyone still remembers us as “poor” which gets really frustrating sometimes.
The Wilson daughters are the same age as Tim and I, respectively, which is kinda annoying because it means I have to endure Krissy’s face for another 3 years AND because Cathy Wilson will not back off from my brother. She is like obsessed with him to the nth degree and keeps accosting him whenever Tim’s home and wears barrels of sickening perfume with thick layers of makeup slathered onto her face. Ew.
The Wilsons love their eldest daughter, i.e. she is incredibly spoiled. Everything she owns is branded, she gets designers to personally make clothes tailor made to her (because, as she won’t stop telling everyone in earshot, stores just don’t stock sizes small enough for her) and she’s gotten a brand new car for her past 2 birthdays. This year it was a dazzling white Rolls Royce that is Very Distinctive.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I find the aforementioned car right outside my house and Cathy talking to Tim in the doorway. He hasn’t even been home a week! Thank god Tim had the sense to not let that thing into the house. But, instead of her usual antics (talking all breathy, twirling her hair, batting her spider-like eyelashes), she had her hands clenched into fists and was very stiff. I could only see Tim’s face and he was also nodding gravely. The lack of smile made him look so much older. I was too busy gawking at...well, everything, to realise when Cathy stalked off (giving me the stink-eye). I gaped again, not quite recognising Cathy without her usual layer of makeup. You could actually see her face with only light touches of makeup here and there. She almost seemed...beautiful. Tim opened the door wider and jerked his head towards it, not quite meeting my eye. Alarm bells were definitely going off in my head now. Tim agreeing with anything Cathy says never bodes well.
I complied, though I may have stomped my feet to the door a little (to show how it was so unjust to treat me like this when I had no clue what was going on), scraped the mud off my boots at the welcome mat for the first time that year (to show how I’m really such an excellent child and any allegations made may have been blown out of proportions) and went to sit on the couch. I heard Tim close the door and shuffle behind me. I admit, I was startled to see him look as grave as ever. Did he not pick up on the subtle nuances of my body language? Apparently, he didn’t, because it still looked like I was going to be lectured. I never get lectured by Tim. He always laughs and goes along with my goofiness.
It was then that I noticed the letter Tim was clutching in his hand. He shifted it out of view when he saw me staring at it. He was sort of sneering now.
“So.” (mocking tone. Who replaced my brother with an extremely accurate lookalike?)
“...So?” (confused, still have absolutely no clue as to what was going on.)
“You’ve been busy.”
“That’s one way to put it.” (with a winning smile that always melts my brother.)
“Why did you push Kristina into the fountain?”
I gaped. Again. These are too many shocks for my fragile little heart to handle, all in one day. I didn’t expect him to find out so quickly. Or from anyone else who was not me. Honesty is very important for the two of us. I spluttered a bit, acting outraged for a few minutes while Tim calmly watched me.
Damn it, he knows me too well.
I cleared my throat and looked as injuredly as I could at him. Then started whining.
“You don’t know the whole story!”
“I’m pretty sure I do. Catherine filled me in.”
“Like she’s not a biased source.”
“She isn't. Not anymore at least.”
I was growing irritated for the second time that day. Why was my brother so hell bent on making me the bad guy?
“Oh, please. So she looks a little more human this one time. It’s not like she’s really changed.” “But she has-” Tim stopped abruptly. And began turning red. Very red. I was stunned and confused because I kept wracking my brains for what he had accidentally let slip. As his forehead turned crimson, all the gears clicked into place.
“You’ve been meeting Cathy Wilson.”
I was in numb disbelief. I get it, he was hurting from whatever happened with him and Lily, but Cathy Wilson? Really? I don’t buy this whole “she’s changed” act either. Even if she has, no one could change as much as Cathy would need to to become a decent human being.
Tim straightened up and his frown deepened as the red receded from his face.
“That’s not the point. The point is, you could have seriously hurt Krissy. What if she got a concussion? (I would have started tap dancing) I don’t blame Cathy for coming over to talk to me about this. Can’t you imagine how I would feel if someone pushed you into a fountain?”
“You haven’t even heard my end of the story yet!”
“Go on, then. I’m waiting.”
A million things were ready to come rushing out of my mouth. But I glanced at Tim, his expression stony as ever, and faltered. I looked down at the floor. I couldn’t tell him some things, like Carrie’s crush on Isabella. He seemed convinced that Cathy had reformed, how would he believe that Krissy was the same as ever?
So I just slowly shook my head, getting ready to leave, when I heard the rustle of paper. I glanced up, curiosity burning through me as I suddenly remembered that mysterious letter. He was reading it with his mouth twisted in distaste, mouthing a few words here and there. He looked up and put it away when he saw me watching him and I quickly reverted my gaze to the carpet.
“Pushing people into fountains is not all you’ve been doing.”
I looked at him, confused, but also relieved that the atmosphere had lightened considerably. Or so I thought. I gave a tiny smile and tilted my head a bit to show that I wasn’t quite on the same page as him.
“You’ve been writing to my friends?”
My stomach dropped. This was bad, very bad. I would have preferred it if his eye started twitching, or if he started yelling in me. But he was disappointed. Disappointed that I broke his trust. Disappointed that I went behind his back. Disappointed that I didn’t think I could talk to him about it.
Whenever Tim was around, we would spend as much time as we could together. It was like we could communicate telepathically,in a way I couldn’t with anyone else, not even Carrie. Every year, after Tim left, people would always be like ‘you probably miss him’, or ‘don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.’ I didn’t really miss him. As cliche as it sounds, you can’t miss someone unless you think you’re out of touch with them. And I was never out of touch with Tim. True, I couldn’t contact him when he was away, but he was always in a corner of my mind. And when he returned, he would always hug me so tightly I could barely breathe, and it would feel as if I had just seen him yesterday.
But not this year.
Because as I looked at him, and he looked at me, I realised there was a gap between us. An emotional gap. It was like one day, I woke up and just stopped divulging every little thing or thought that went on in my crazy head to him. I stopped telling him all my worries and fears. But I can’t remember when that happened. And I don’t like it.
I got up and went up to my room, at the same time Tim’s expression suddenly softened a fraction. But I didn’t care. I discovered the reason Tim suddenly softened. Tears. Stupid things.
9.30 p.m., 26 August 2020
Tim’s finally done with the pasta. And watching me carefully. Turns out, when you’re agitated, things seem a lot more bleak. We didn’t have an emotional gap. I wasn’t feeling it anyway. Tim asks why I keep writing while eating. I ask him why he’s so nosy. Tim asks what’s an emotional gap. I glare at him and he backs off.
Ah, the sweet taste of normalcy.
Tim’s apologising. Really lengthy, and he seems so sad I could just hug the life out of him, but all he’s getting for now is squinty, narrow rodent eyes.
“I was just hurt that you had to resort to things like owl-napping instead of just talking to me, like you normally do.”
“Ok, first off, Ernest didn’t need much coaxing. You were neglecting him to the point of animal cruelty. Secondly, you were really out of it, what was I going to get out of you?”
“First point, conceded. Secondly, I’ve been out of it before.” “Not like this.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I think it’s time you wrote to Lily.”
Stunned silence.
He’s still quiet.
Did I break my brother?
Ok he’s back. Lots of confused spluttering; Ah, I’ve hit the nail on the head then. Blabbering about how there’s nothing to write about, confused questions as to how I know about her, and so on.
“Relax, I only know the PG stuff.” (“There was no non-PG stuff!” yeah, right.)
He’s calmer now, and eating my pasta, but he needs it so I’ll stay mum just this once.
“I’, I’m…”
“NO! I mean, not that it’s wrong to be gay, gays are great, better even-”
And now I’ve brought out his hardcore gay advocate side that I didn’t know he had.
Oh thank god he’s stopped. I was about to hit him over the head with my now empty plate.
“The thing is...there’s nothing to resolve.”
“I don’t want to hear your pessimistic nuances of love; Love will prevail or whatever nonsense Carrie keeps spouting from her Jane A-”
“No, I mean, there’s no miscommunication between us. Talking’s not going to help here.”
“You do realise this day is living proof that it does help, right?”
“Not between people who’ve broken up. For good.”
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bunnyywritings · a month ago
true love’s kiss
tenya iida x gn!reader
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word count: 1.5k
requested by @coleluuviida : So may I request a iida tenya x gn! reader? The plot I want is where reader likes reading a lot of books and comics, they will read romance, action, horror, etc. So then one day reader and the dekusquad are eating lunch together, reader was quick eating their lunch so that they can continue reading their book but then iida ask about what their reading and reader go on and on how, and why they like the story with passion iida was listen with joy even the dekusquad are listening in. After that reader let iida borrow their book the rest is up to your imagination!
[a/n: thank you so much for trusting me with your request sweetheart!! i’m sorry it took so long but here it is, i hope you enjoy! I kinda got carried’s been a while since i’ve properly written so i apologize if it’s not very good :/ without further adieu, here’s some adorable iida content cause he’s the best and deserves the world - yours truly, bunnyy -`ღ´-]
It was never strange to see you with your nose buried in between the pages of a book. Your friends found it endearing.Some people, literally just Bakugou, found it a bit ridiculous. 
Denki and Kirishima made a game out of it. They would bet on the genre you were reading purely based on your reactions alone. If your cheeks ever got flushed and your eyes wide, 10/10 it was probably a cheesy romance manga. If your brows were furrowed and your bottom lip was caught between your teeth, it was a mystery novel. A forlorn look in your eyes ment it was some type of magical book with Knights, Wizards, and Dragons (oh my!)
But somebody in particular, albeit enamored by your love of literature, was also concerned.
Iida was in your group of friends and so he had witnessed first hand your obsession with finishing a book. Sometimes you wouldn't eat during lunch because you were so enthralled and when he did get you to eat something, you raced to finish your food so you could grab your book once more and pick up where you left off. You weren't much of a talker and no one at the table really minded your lack of conversation and let you be.
However, this time around, it was different. Iida noticed the bags under your eyes and knew that you hadn't been sleeping. You had been engaging in class and you were keeping up with your studies but the second you guys were allowed a break or you all were let out for lunch, you picked up your book and resumed reading.
Even as you walked with them to the cafeteria, your eyes hadn't left the page. You had your book in one hand and your other was gripping the end of Shoto's blazer, leading you to where you needed to go.
 "It must be a really good one this time." Kirishima muttered to Denki, both watching in amusement as you were being led around by a nonchalant Shoto.
So as you sat at the lunch table, Iida watched in concern. Even with your favorite food in front of you, you still hadn't put the book down. As much as he hated what he was about to do, he just couldn't do nothing.
"(Y/n), as much as I hate to disrupt your reading...I must know, is a book really more important than sleep? Or more important than eating a healthy meal?"
All conversation came to a screeching halt. No one had ever really disrupted your reading no one knew what to expect when Iida spoke up. The seconds were tense as they ticked by and as you moved your hand, they all held their breath, but instead of bookmarking your page, your finger deftly slipped under the corner of the page and turned to the next one.
 "Huh...they didn't even hear you." Ochako giggled.
Sighing, Iida reached over and placed his hand flat on the pages, successfully obstructing your view of the letter on the pages.  
Normally, you'd be a slight bit annoyed that someone had interrupted you but it was Iida. Sweet, sweet Iida.
"Oh. Sorry." Your cheeks burned in embarrassment, "I must've not heard you. What's wrong?"
Iida sighs.
“I'm just concerned, is all. What's got you so interested?"
 "You really want to know?" He noticed how your eyes twinkled with excitement.
 "Yes, I really want to know."
And with that, you went off on a whole tangent.
Explaining the story from the very beginning. Giving character description with wild and elaborate hand gestures. Even going as far as adding sound effects to fight scenes. This was nothing new for Shoto or Midoriya. They had often asked about the stories you read and quite enjoyed hearing you re-tell them. Shoto never had anyone tell him bedtime stories but he assumes
this is what they would've been like.
Iida was stunned. Absolutely stunned. He's never seen you speak about something so passionately, other than the time he had asked you why you wanted to be a hero.
So as you went on and explained what you've been reading, he felt himself fall even more. He was intently listening.
You had been reading a rom-com style, action book about two knights going on a quest to slay a dragon to break an evil curse. There were wizards and mystical forest creatures. Once you finished, you had asked if he wanted to read it once you were done.
Now...this wasn't really Iida's cup of tea. Don't get him wrong, he loves sitting and enjoying a book but fantasy books
aren't really his style.
  "So..? Would you want to read it? Ya' know, see for yourself?" The look in your eyes was absolutely adorable, he couldn't possibly say no.
    "S-Sure, I'd love to borrow it."
He wasn't too worried though, you still had a few chapters to go and surely you'd forget about it.
Boy was he wrong.
As he was getting ready for bed, the knock on his door confused him. Upon opening the door, there you stood in your pajamas
with the book tightly clutched in your hands.
    "Sorry I took so long but here you go. Let me know what you think." You had an excited smile playing on your lips.
    "Oh...thank you." He reached out and took the book from your outstretched grasp.
He read through the first chapter before going to bed, slightly intrigued.
It took him about a month to read, maybe a little longer since he definitely took breaks and focused more on school than anything...but eventually, he finished. 
You had been hanging out in the common room when Iida had walked in, book in hand. It took you a while to notice since  you had been buried in another . 
    “Oh, hey Iida!” Ochako grinned. 
You turned and took notice of what was in his possession and your smile grew.
    “You finished! What’d you think?” 
    “Uhm well, it was quite...quite interesting-” He was fumbling with his words, something that’s a bit unusual for him. 
    “ didn’t like it?” your face fell and his heart dropped a little.
    “No, no! What I mean is that-!”
    “It’s okay, you can be honest. It’s not for everyone.” 
    “I did like it but there’s something that I didn’t quite understand. Why would they risk leaving the magma gem? From my understanding, it would’ve given them the abilities needed to slay the dragon.” The complete and utter confusion on his face was adorable. 
    “Come on, Ingenium!” You chuckled quietly. “If they had gotten the gem, they wouldn’t have been able to save their partner. Remember, sometimes the best strategy is to run and get help instead of fighting a fight that you can’t win.” 
    “But they didn’t even slay the dragon!”
    “They didn’t because that wasn’t needed to break the curse. The only way to break the curse was with true love’s kiss.” 
    “That’s not very logical. How would that break a deadly curse?” 
    “Don’t underestimate the power of love, Iida. It’s quite strong.” 
Upon hearing those words he looked up from the book and into your eyes...had they always been that mesmerizing? His heart hammered in his chest as he parted his lips to speak once more. 
    “W-would you show me?” This was a big leap of faith for him. He had confided in Midoriya a while ago when he realized his feelings for you, and ever the observant one, Midoriya had a feeling that you felt the same way. There had been multiple times where he had caught you gazing longingly at the class rep. 
Now were stunned. Your cheeks had flushed red and your mouth was agape. Taking your silence as a rejection, he swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. 
    “I apologize, that was quite forward of me. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He placed the book down on the couch and got up. Once he turned away from you, you had realized that the words in your head never left your mouth so you reached out and grabbed his wrist. 
        “Wait…” your voice was barely above a whisper but he heard you and turned back around. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable, I’m just surprised that you feel the same way I do.” 
There was a small silence that followed but your body seemed to move on its own. You held his face in your hands, the feeling of your thumbs gently caressing his cheekbones sent the butterflies into a frenzy. 
    “Can I still kiss you?” Your voice was hesitant, quiet, and it made him smile, gazing into your eyes with such a fondness that it made your stomach do flips. 
That was all you needed before leaning in, his eyes and yours fluttered shut as your lips met. Both of you were unsure but he trusted you and you trusted him. The feeling of his lips moving languidly with yours was absolutely euphoric. He tasted like mint and black tea, and his lips were soft. Gaining confidence, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer. 
After finally pulling away, he rested his forehead against yours. 
    “Believe it’s strong enough now?” 
    “Hmm…” His chest vibrated as he hummed in feign thoughtfulness. “I may need more convincing.”
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smallblip · a month ago
Yooo, so idk if you’re taking prompts by i have one, it’s angsty
Normally I don’t like angst (unless it has a guarantee happy ending or there’s comfort, w/ a happy ending) but this one can be either pure angst or happy end or one of them has a crush on the other and is using this song as a metaphor or something to cope with their feelings idk 😅
So, truth untold by bts popped up in my head and the song is abt a forbidden love and it’s based off this story called ‘La Città di smeraldò’ which is abt this “ugly” man who hid in an old castle and would rarely come out, then one night he a saw a thief stealing flowers in his garden. He went into town one day to try to catch the thief (i think) only to find that the thief was a poor girl selling his flowers for money. He then grew more flowers for her to sell and one day grew the smeraldo flower, which is the rarest and most expensive flower. I think he was planning on revealing himself to her then only to find she never came back and then discovered she died......
Here are some lyrics that stood out to me that can spark a story or au:
And I know
All if your warmth is real
The blue flower your hand was picking
I want to it but
It’s my fate
Don’t smile to me
Light on me
Because I can’t get closer to you
There’s no name you can call me
You know that I can’t
Show you me
Give you me
I can’t show you a ruined part of myself
Once again I put a mask on and go to see you
But I still want you
Hopefully you find this ask and if it sparks something, great, thanks and good day.
Hello @potato-an0n 💖 this is such a lovely prompt? Thank you for the song rec, I haven’t heard this one and it’s just beautiful💖 I wrote a drabble based on the first thing that came to my mind it’s not as literal as I wanted it to be but! I hope I did your prompt justice:
This garden is filled
Levi is familiar with ghosts. He’s lived amongst them. Some would call them bureaucrats. He’s also familiar with spirits. People he had come to love, people who occupy space in his life, people who are now but ash and dust. The soul doesn’t go anywhere. It can’t. So it becomes a ghost.
The soul weighs twenty one grams. Or at least, that’s what Hanji had told him. So he assumes that’s what a ghost would weigh too.
Levi’s familiar with ghosts. So he’s sure the figure he sees in his garden- of a person he had come to love, who occupies so much space in his life he might as well be dead- isn’t one.
Levi sees her every night in his garden. She’s glowing almost. Ethereal and beautiful and young. She doesn’t look a day over thirty. And Levi- well- Levi has lived a full life- one filled with pain, with loss, with enough love to fill a garden.
So he watches her every night from his window. Like she’s in a painting and if he does so much as catch her attention she would fade from the canvass. Sometimes she plucks at the dandelions, sometimes she sits on the grass and looks at the skies. She’s always smiling.
But tonight is different. There’s a knock on his door and he wheels himself over to answer it. There’s a moment of hesitation. Something that claws at the pits of his stomach like a warning. Lucky Levi, cursed Levi, it’s better to leave it alone. Nothing good comes from longing.
But tonight is different.
He opens the door and there she is- smiling, always smiling. And as always, she takes his breath away.
“Why are you here... Hanji...” he breathes.
She laughs, it’s clear as day, “I can’t come unless you invite me, Levi...”
“Like a vampire?” He says. Silly, meaningless conversation to fill the air. He has so much to tell her.
“Yeah...” she chuckles, she remembers telling him that. But the memory is distant, out of grasp. It belongs to another life entirely. “You’ve been thinking of me haven’t you?”
I haven’t stopped thinking of you, Levi wants to say. But from the way she’s smiling, smug and impish, he figures she already knows.
“You planted those flowers for her? Your Hanji?” She sits across him at the table. And it aches in a way Levi can only describe as heart wrenching. Because if there’s a picture he had to burn of a life he wanted after the war- this was it.
He nods, “they’re weeds...” he adds. Words to fill the space. She already knows, he thinks, after all, it’s Hanji.
“They grow on you...”
As she did.
“What are you?” He asks. He felt her in his embrace and he’s sure she’s more than just twenty one grams and a time of death.
“I come here in my dreams. I’m asleep in my world.” She replies. She drinks her tea with as much gusto as he remembers. And he remembers saying something about wasting his good tea on her.
“What happens in your world?” He asks.
“We got married...” she shows him the band on her finger, “we have two dogs, a cat, three hens... Oh and two kids...”
There’s something clawing at his throat, the same wretched feeling prickles at the corner of his good eye. “Sounds like a crowd...”
Hanji chuckles, “oh it is!”
“What are they like?”
“The dogs?” Hanji quips, heart swelling when she scoffs, just as her Levi would. She thinks about their kids- the brats- Levi calls them. “They’re the best... You spoil them...” Her daughter has his eyes, she keeps her mother in check. Her son has raven hair, and he wants to be just like his father. And-
“They have my nose...”
Levi breaks a smile. “Yeah?” he says, breathless, and he sees it in his mind, clear as day, a picture he’s never gotten round to destroying.
“What happened in your world?” She asks.
“I lost you...”
“Looks like I fixed you up pretty good...” She whispers, leaning across the table to run fingers along the scars on his face. He closes his eyes. She’s warm. He nods. She tells him he’s the most handsome old man she’s ever seen.
“You made it to the forest like you promised...” Hanji says. Every river meets the sea, in every universe, every lifetime, they find the forest.
“You’ve always liked the forest...” he says.
“The light is different in the forest...”
“It’s magic...” they say together and Hanji laughs, eyes holding all the affection in the world. In every universe, the river meets the sea.
But she can’t stay to watch sunlight warm the earth. She has another life to lead. One in which they survive the war. One in which their scars serve as memorial to their lives as soldiers. One in which they pretend to sleep through their kids making a ruckus in the other room. One in which her Levi kisses her cheek when he gets up earlier to feed their animals.
“Will you come again, Hanji...”
“Only if you think of me... Like a vampire remember?” She winks.
Only every living moment.
After all, this is a picture he’s never learned to burn.
With all his heart,
All twenty one grams of his soul.
Levi falls asleep when the light touches the earth.
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snickiebear · a month ago
Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤
mittens!!! loml!!
1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)
oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)
2. Why do you write fanfiction?
OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way. 
point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer. 
plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself. 
3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?
i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA
also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?
but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭
6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?
plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO
and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace. 
OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!
16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?
mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah
(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)
27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?
oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh. 
but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time. 
there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with. 
its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world. 
29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?
yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA 
33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?
hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES
but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!” you see my issue? HAHAHA
also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance! 
35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!
aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)! 
but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...
writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.  
ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)
BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh. 
shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr. 
this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH 
anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))
pick my brain!
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dameronology · a month ago
more than anything {poe dameron}
summary: poe can be oddly insightful in his own way, and with the pressure of the resistance pulling you down, it's exactly what you need (for @disastersim !! i hope you enjoy angel <3)
warnings: language, one slight innuendo
- jazz
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Working for the Resistance could be exhausting in every sense of the worst - emotionally, physically, mentally. Constantly fighting for a cause that had no guaranteed pay off was beyond challenging and the fight - the wars and the battles and the bloodshed - didn't seem to be coming to an end anytime soon. There were days where you made leaps and bounds towards entirely wiping out the First Order, in the same way that there were days when they made strides towards completely wiping out your side of the fight. It was a constant tug of war between good and bad; of course, it wasn't all that black and white, but it was difficult to see what anyone saw in the First Order's extreme principles. That was especially the case when your own comrades packed up and left the base to join them. With that said, there were more than enough people who left that side to come to yours. Ones who saw the Resistance as a source of hope- a light at the end of an awfully fucking long tunnel.
That's what you had to constantly remind yourself off: light. Hope. Courage. All the things that you'd sworn to fight for as long as you could remember - the very values that you so desperately held onto in an attempt to not completely lose it - and the ones you kept so close to your heart. Sometimes, it was easy to do so; easy to believe that the Resistance was going to pull through and that light would shine on the galaxy once again. Other times? Not so much. It was normal to have dark days and sad days but as of late, it had been dark weeks and sad weeks. Your team of fellow mechanical engineers had done their best to lift your spirits, but the weight on your soul was a little too much. It was just something that would have to pass naturally.
It had been effecting your sleep too, to the point where you found yourself wandering the base alone at night. The only other people who were awake were those on the nightshift, and the occasional droid that would whirr around the corner. From where you sat in the garage, you would hear the clank clank clank of Threepio fumbling about the base - he would sometimes say hello, and other you help with whatever it was that you were repairing or tinkering with. For the most part, though, he kept to himself. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, because his famous catchphrase of we're doomed! wasn't entirely the best thing for your morale.
So, there you were at 3AM, Poe's t-shirt hanging off your shoulders and the contents of his X-Wing laid out in front of you. Really, you were just taking it apart and putting it back together as a past time - like some kind of weird puzzle - but you were also looking at potential improvements. His only request was that you made it faster, which seemed a bit counter-intuitive when he of all people could have learnt the value of slowing down. The man was like a whirl wind, breezing in and out of different missions and meetings, barely stopping to take a break to think. The only time he truly and really calmed down was when he was with you; you were his safe space, and the only place he could let his barriers down. The pilot spent hours upon hours curled up against you, murmuring sleepily about nothing and everything all at once.
"This is a stupid time to be awake." (Speak of the devil, and thou shall appear).
Tossing your spanner down, you turned around to see Poe. He was leaning against the door, brown hair tousled with sleep and dark eyes heavy with his remaining tiredness. He was a heavy sleeper, so more often than not he didn't even realise you were gone - but if he woke up and saw your absence, there wasn't a chance in hell that he could get back to sleep. He needed you beside him at the best times, but especially at night.
"I couldn't sleep," you confessed.
"There's been a lot of that going around lately," Poe replied. He slowly approached you, holding out his arms as he did so that you could fall against his chest.
"I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, there's a stupid owl outside my window that woke me up," he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He gently tangled your fingers together and brushed his thumb over the back of your hand. "I sent BB-8 to deal with it."
"Of course you did," you smiled. "I just gotta put this back together and I'll come back to bed."
"What's keeping you up?" Poe asked. "You've been really quiet lately."
You'd always been hesitant to tell Poe about your doubts: he was the epitome of what a good Resistance fighter was, and the beating heart of the entire cause. He never seemed to slip up, or lose hope, to the point where you sometimes wondered if he was naive. It did make sense, after all - his mother had fought hard for the Rebellion, as had his father. Having perfect balance of a rebellious side and a heart of pure fucking gold was probably engrained into his very D.N.A.
"There's a lot on my mind," you admitted. "It never seems to quieten down."
"I get that," Poe gave your hands a light squeeze. "Wanna talk about it?"
"It's probably dumb-"
"- your feelings are always valid, even if they're dumb."
Hopping up onto the wings of the jet beside you, he stuck out his hand and helped you clamber up beside him. The hangar itself was freezing cold - even in the tropical climate of Ajan Kloss - so he wound an arm around your side, pulling you closer to keep you warm. Just Poe's presence alone was enough to pull your mind out the dredges, and the gentle smell of his shower gel and aftershave was a comfort too. It was a mixture of spicy and sweet.
"Go on," Poe said. "I'll be your therapist for the next ten minutes, and then forever if you want."
"What do you charge per hour, Doc?"
He nudged your side with a grin. "We'll get to that later."
You rolled your eyes, but continued all the same. "Everything's just been a lot, lately. All the fighting and the missions, and we keep having set back after set back and I'm tired. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I have no way of shifting it."
Poe's brown eyes flickered away from you for a minute as he pondered on your statement. Unbeknownst to you, he absolutely related - despite his outwards hopefulness and resilient exterior, he had days where he was exhausted too. It was made even more so by the fact that people turned to him to keep them encouraged too - he did have his own brand of ironic wisdom, after all - and it really took it out of him. It was like everybody around him expected him to keep them afloat when he felt like drowning.
"I understand," Poe replied. "The galaxy is a demanding place and sometimes it's more than we can handle. I have days where I feel like everything is going wrong and I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep forever."
"Sounds so tempting," you murmured.
"It does, but that's not how it works, sadly," he continued. "You just gotta...push forward, you know? That's much easier said than done but I find the trick is to take it day by day. Have some caff, get a hug from your favourite person and just pull through til you can collapse into bed and hide under the covers."
"And you do that? Every day?"
"Not everyday," Poe said. "There are good days too, like the ones where we get to eat lunch together, or the ones where BB-8 hacks the big screen in the canteen and shows the video of Hux falling over."
You couldn't help but laugh at that. The little droid had his own way of brightening the lives of those around him, but it was that video in particular that never failed to make you laugh. He'd accidentally recorded it on a break out mission and whenever people needed reminding that the slimy bastards at the First Order weren't completely untouchable, BB-8 would be on it.
"I love those days too," you gently smiled. "The whole day by day things sounds a lot more manageable than trying to digest the concept of time as a whole."
"Exactly," Poe nodded. "And you gotta find joy in those little things. Like, whenever I'm having a really bad day, I'll come and find you and annoy you. That little smile you get when you're trying really hard not to crack and laugh at me always makes things a thousand times better."
"I like that," you replied.
"Then one day, when we've won this fight and we can go home, we can still take things day by day, but it'll be little steps towards other things, like...marriage? I think that's the next logical step."
You thinned your eyes at him. "Is this a proposal?"
"If you have to ask whether it's a proposal, then it's not a proposal," Poe shot back. "You'll know when I'm asking you to marry me."
"I look forward to it," you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for listening to me. You can be weirdly philosophical."
"I'm smart and good looking," Poe cheekily grinned. "Man, I really am the whole package."
"And moment's gone-"
"- I'm sorry!"
He quickly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest. His cheek was pressed up against your forehead, stubble tickling your skin as he held you, softly swaying from side to side.
"I love you," he murmured. "And truth be told, that's the thing that gets me through those bad days."
"You going soft on me, Dameron?" you quietly joked. "I love you too - more than anything."
Poe released his grip on you before taking your hand and helping you climb down from the jet. You still had a few hours till you had to be up and now that the emotional weight on your brain had been relieved ever-so-slightly, you were more than ready to collapse beside the pilot and get some much needed rest.
What Poe had said had begun to change your perspective on things; rather than viewing the galaxy as one whole glob of shitty things, you had to go through it with a fine toothed comb. Find the little things that were sprinkled amongst the bad things, like the way Poe looked at you with a sparkle in his eyes, or the way Finn laughed at words that sounded naughty but weren't naughty. Then there were the times when Leia would give you warm hugs, and when Rey would try and make everyone pancakes on quiet moments.
So yes, the galaxy could suck and yes, the Resistance could be tough, but you had the best people around you. They were the life support that was going to help you see it through.
"C'mon, baby," Poe tugged your arm slightly. "Let's go to bed."
"Yeah," you replied. "Let's."
He wound his arm around you and held you tightly, guiding you back to your room.
78 notes · View notes
pipiripi · a month ago
[19.57] Playing around.
Hello! This was a request by a beautiful anon! I hope you like it!
I wrote this at 6am so,,,,
1.4k, sub!beomgyu, dom!reader(gn), virgin beom, unprotected sex
english is not my native language so if you notice any mistakes, sorry!
requests are: open!¡ (they take time)
“There you go, I win!” you exclaimed from your seat on the floor, making a mocking face toward the boy at your side.
“It’s not fair Y/N! You always win, I’m pretty sure you are cheating at this point, there’s not an explanation for you being so good at this game” he pouted, grabbing a slice of pizza and filling his cheeks with it, whining in fake sadness and making your heart just melt at him.
“I’m sorry Beomie, but what can I say, it’s not my fault that you are a bad player” you said joking but making your friend look at you offended and turn around groaning.
You giggled at him, putting the control aside and moving toward him, placing yourself on his lap and hugging him “I’m sorry Beomieeeee, don’t get mad, pretty pleaseee” you said with a forced sweet tone, but feeling how the boy under you turned static, avoiding your gaze.
You didn’t pay much attention to it, still hugging him and making him turn his head “Come onnnn, if you keep avoiding me I’ll not leave your lap for the entire night” but when you saw his face, his cheeks were tinted with a soft pink color and his eyes were shiny.
“G-get off Y/N…” he said, but without doing anything for removing you from his lap, he was actually trying to not move which made you look at him with weird eyes.
“What happens Gyu? Are you really uncomfortable?” you asked, now taking the situation serious. The boy looked at other side again “It’s not that”.
“Then what happens? Tell me so I can help you Gyu” you fixed yourself on his lap, feeling something hard pressed against you and hearing the boy whimper at the movement, of course that told you everything “So this is what happened huh” you smirked at the poor boy who looked like a shrimp because of the embarrassment.
An idea surged on your mind, you wanted to take advantage of the situation, you rolled your hips once more, feeling how the boy squirmed under you “S-stop Y/N, w-what are you doing?” he said, trying to calm his body but causing you to hush him with a kiss, moving once again your hips and still hearing his whimpers.
He tried to pull from the kiss “Y-Y/N…Stop, this is not okay” you separated from his body, looking at him once again “Oh come on Beomie, you are acting like a virgin”.
When you said that, his expression changed, now he looked indeed uncomfortable, trying to escape from his place, you grabbed him for making him stay still, this causing to both of you fall, you on top of him.
Still grabbing his hands you asked “Beomgyu, are you a virgin?” he just blushed even harder in response, too shy to admit it but you still understanding everything.
You pressed a peck against his lips “There’s nothing wrong with it, you know it?” Beomgyu sighed and finally spoke “Yes, I know, but I also know you do have experience so it kinda makes me feel dumb”.
You now hugged the boy tight "There's nothing to feel dumb about, and well, I can help you getting experience" you left the hug and felt like blushing "Only if you want of course...".
The boy gasped at your proposal, his breath became erratic with that, it took a while for him to answer with a small nod.
"If you don't use your words then I'm not doing anything baby, I need to be sure you want it" still on him, your face went for his neck, starting to place leave kisses all over the sensitive zone.
He squirmed and tried to fix his throat "Yes, I want it Y/N..." that sentence making your lips curve in a smile against his soft skin.
You were still leaving kisses on his neck, sometimes biting or licking, your hands moving softly over the arms of Beomgyu, sliding them to his torso for touching his hard nipples over the cloth, soft whimpers leaving his mouth.
Your hands now moving to the edge of his shirt, slowly introducing them inside of it and feeling the warm contact, making the boy shiver.
Your lips now going for his, caressing the sides of his body, attacking his mouth and trying to remove his clothes, the boy sitting on the floor for helping you with it and laying once again there, trembling at the contact with the cold surface.
His dumb hands slowly going for your shirt, don't knowing what to do but attempting to take it off, making you giggle and helping him with it.
Now the both of you were naked from the torso, you still on him, moving your hips and creating friction with his buldge.
"F-feels good" he struggled saying, you left a kiss on his lips and said "If this feel already good, then prepare baby boy".
Moving aside and leaving his lap, your hand were for his jeans, unbuttoning them and pulling down the zipper, with his help removing them and staring at his beautiful body, just wearing a pair of white boxers, all at your mercy.
Your hand moved to his crotch, softly pressing it and making him whimper, he closed his eyes, but tried to speak "Y-your clothes..." he wanted you to take them off as well, so you did, removing your jeans and revealing yourself for him.
"At least open your eyes huh" raising an eyebrow and looking at the embarrassed boy open his eyes, him pressing his thighs together at his gaze.
You placing your hand again on his buldge, moving them to the waist band of his boxers "Should I?" you asked, trying to make sure he really wanted that, he nodded and made a small sound of agreement, allowing you to proceed and you did, taking off his underwear and freeing his leaking dick, grabbing it and making the voy squirm.
You pumped it a few times before leaving it again for taking of your underwear, both of you completely naked.
You attention went once again to his dick and your mouth to his nipples, Beomgyu practically seeing stars at the amount of pleasure he was experiencing, not knowing what to do and being there just like a pillow prince, letting you take the lean while he just moaned and babbled.
He was hard enough and you were dripping at the state of the boy, now leaving his body and placing yourself on top of him.
You spitted your hand, using the saliva as lube and spreading it all over Beomgyu's dick, his eyes rolling back and his mouth wide open at the touch.
"Baby, you really wanna do this?" asking, still touching his parts and with the other hand on one nipple.
"Y-yes! W-wanna feel m-more of you Y/N" and that was it, with his dick on your hand, you alienated your hole with it, slowly sitting on it and pushing it inside of you, Beomgyu left a loud whimper left his mouth, almost screaming at the sensation.
"T-too tight! Agh! S-so good!" he said, you didn't start moving, trying to get used at his size.
When you finally felt like it, you started moving on top of him, it was a slow pace, but Beomgyu was just crying in the amount of pleasure, making you smile at him, you also enjoying it but going softer that you would like, just for the boy.
"Mhh! I l-love it" he cried, now moving his hips for feeling more, increasing the pace by his own and satisfying you as well.
Both of you were a mess, he was doing such a good job for being his first time, the thrusts were erratic but deep and hard, you were bouncing on top of him, your head back and your moans mixed together.
"I'll cum, I-I'm gonna cum! Ngh!" he said, thrusting hard into you and drooling over it, a loud groan left his lips and a warm substance filled your inside.
You collapsed on top of him, removing his dick from your inside and feeling his warm cum dripping. Hugging him and leaving a soft kiss on his forehead, praising him for doing a good job.
Trying to control his breath, he said "Y/N...".
You looked at his worried face, confusion taking power over you "What happens hun? Feeling okay?".
"Y-yes... It felt good but... You didn't cum...".
He was so worried over it, feeling guilty for not making you feel good enough.
"Baby, it's your first time, don't worry, we have tons of opportunities for you making me cum" and you left a peck on his lips, still both of you lying on the uncomfortable floor.
He nodded and blushed, hugging you "Uhm Y/N" he said once again.
"What now baby?" you sighed asking.
"Can we at least move to the couch? The floor it's cold and it hurts...".
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joyaphoria · a month ago
Hi! This might be a really weird ask, and probably means I have a problem, but if you ever do a part two to your 'Haikyuu Characters reacting to you self harming' , do you mind adding Iwaizumi please?
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characters: iwaizumi, bokuto, tanaka
warnings: self harm, comfort if your squint, sorta fluff if you squint rlly hard, mentions of skin cutting, mentions of pain, after effects, mentions of mental illnesses? mentions of blades, mentions of blood
note: i’m sorry this took so long, i was only updating this draft when i felt genuinely upset 😭 this is unedited so please bare with me, i rlly threw it out there. i was also half dead writing this <3 trigger warnings under the cut.
word count: 1.64k
part one here
© 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢
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you've always struggled to love yourself
you constantly compared yourself to others, and it was really unhealthy
except you refused to talk to others about it, because you felt like you were dumping your issues on them
then again, you always accepted other peoples issues with open arms
iwaizumi had befriended you when you two got partnered for a project
when you weren't answering his calls one time (he needed to know if you submitted your part of the assignment) he snuck into your room through your window) and caught you sitting on the ground, a crimson-stained blade in hand
you freaked, but he promised to not tell anyone
instead, he listened to you; that night, you became more than just a therapist
but you should've known that it wasn't going to last; not when you felt iwaizumi slowly drifting away from you
then again, you weren't dating, and it wasn't his job to look after you
if iwaizumi could hear your thoughts right now, he would probably be upset. he spent all that time fixing you, only to have you throw it all away.
you knew that it was wrong, but you could help it. you were running out of options, and with the few you had left, this was definitely the safest one.
refusing to eat dinner for what seemed to be the fifteenth time in a row, you escaped to your room with a glass of water.
plopping down in front of your mirror, you took hold of your tummy rolls. maybe plastic surgery would do it.
why couldn't you look like the pretty models on your feed? was it that hard? why could you do it?
maybe if you did, iwaizumi would like you back. throwing a hoodie on, you curl up in bed and sob.
a few minutes into your breakdown, you stomach grumbles. you pause for a moment, your mind falling into senseless rage.
"are you stupid or what?" you growl, wipping your stuffy nose on your sleeve. "you're no fucking help."
infuriated, you throw yourself off your bed, rummaging through your desk.
after finding the pocket knife, you pause for a minute.
was it worth it?
nevertheless, you sit on the floor, back against the bed, and wipe down your arm.
refusing to look, you cut aimlessly, then spray it down with perfume.
you scream into your pillow when it starts stinging, clutching at your arm.
"you good?" the familiar laugh sounds from the other side of your bed, and your body freezes up. "sorry i wasn't able to talk much, i had so much shit to study for..."
his voice trails off when he makes his way to the other end of the bed, your sprawled figure coming in to view.
"holy shit.." he stands there, taking in the blood that was dripping down your arm.
"i'm so sorry, i-i.. i don't know.." you keep your head down, the pain in his eyes too much to accept.
before long, he's on the ground beside you, holding your trembling body in his arms. he was crying with you.
"what changed?" he whispers, his own shaky voice soothing you.
"i'm so tired of everything." you sob into him, the blood soaking into his t-shirt disregarded. "i hate myself, i hate my body, i hate—"
"your body?" he pulls away to meet your eyes. "are you kidding? you're so beautiful."
you look away again, but he takes your jaw in his hand, and redirects your gaze at his face. "you know that i love you, right?"
you gulp, and he scoffs playfully through his nose. "there you go again, disregarding my feelings."
your head whips back at him, confused. "what do you mean feelings?"
"how many times do i have to tell you that i love you, for you to understand?"
"i-i thought you meant as friends...”
he chuckles lightly, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “of course not.”
to keep it short and simple, bokuto never knew
he’s had the biggest crush on you throughout highschool, and when you returned his feelings during your third year, you guys hit it off
your relationship was wonderful, but everything was too good to be true
there were things you just couldn’t tell him, because he just seemed so carefree and happy, you didn’t want to ruin that for him
so you kept it all to yourself, including the scars on your thighs
this took a toll on you, and never helped anything very much
point is, secrets are made to be told eventually
you should’ve known that you wouldn’t be able to hide it forever
“yes, i know!” you scream, your head pounding from all the noise.
“you’re a lazy bitch, you know that? you sit in there all fucking day!”
you close your eyes and regulate your breathing, your moms screams from downstairs setting your emotions off.
yea, later you can come over. you reply quickly to bokuto, shutting off your phone.
“i’m trying to do my homework!” you sob, digging your nails into your palms.
weren’t the straight a’s good enough?
“you just sit and talk to your fucking friends! you’re so useless.” she yelled from downstairs, the front door slamming shut.
you break down in tears, your fists refusing to clench.
your body shakes and you tremble, and you open your mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.
the sobs you let out shake your entire body, searching for any kind of relief it could take.
you don’t mean to do it again.
it’s not like you want to, but you needed it. your body craved it, and your head felt like it was gonna spin off.
you were gonna hurl.
there was a smell in the room now, and it fogged your mind up, your senses in overdrive.
the feeling was overwhelming, but you didn’t hate it. you never hated it—that feeling that hypnotized you into thinking you were flying.
a feeling so—
“hey, sorry i’m-”
and just like that, the feeling is gone. it vanishes in a second,  quickly replaced with embarrassment and shame.
“bo.” you whispered softly. it’s too late, the damage is already done. you can’t hide or persuade him into thinking that this isn’t happening, because it is.
“w-what is..” he’s approaching slowly, getting down onto his knees beside you. “y-you do this?”
theres a wide variety of emotions visible on his face, as if he doesn’t know how to respond to a situation like that. he doesn’t have a solution, he can’t even figure out the problem.
“i’m sorry, bo.” is the only thing you can choke out, wishing that you haven’t done it again.
the painful look ripping his pure heart apart is enough punishment for you, the hard reality of your selfishness.
“y/n..” and bo’s crying, quickly gathering you in his arms as he rocks you both, the safety of his body bringing you a sense of tranquility.
no words had to be said, they were all silently released through his heartfelt actions that night.
this physically pains me to write because hes so baby
tanaka always knew that you struggled when it came to overwhelming emotions
you had a hard time expressing them, and the fact that you hated talking about your problems didn’t help at all
you didn’t want to express them, you didn’t want to talk about them, what else could you do?
see a therapist of course, who just so happened to be tanaka
he got you to open up to him, and used the excuse that ‘communication is key in a relationship’
it’s just that sometimes you felt as though you were making everything about you, and that he didn’t want to hear about your issues
you lied about getting better to him, and he didn’t think you would lie to him when it came to something like that
so he believed you
overwhelming emotion of the day: guilt.
“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”
you whisper to your sister over and over, and with tears in her eyes, she assures you that its okay.
but you knew that it wasnt. you slipped up and told your mom about something your sister did, and now you knew that she was in a shit ton of trouble.
she retreated quietly to her room, but her sobs managed to reach your ears, even through the door.
you know it’s your fault, even if she wants to tell you that it isn’t. you know you fucked up again, just like you did last time, and the time before that, and before that.
you fumble for your phone to message tanaka—to tell him how you’re feeling before the feeling becomes too much—but you remember; tanaka is at practice. he doesn’t have time for you right now, and you’d be selfish if you were to bother him.
so you sit on your floor, curled into a ball, punching, and slapping, and hitting yourself.
“stupid.” you whisper, hitting your head over, and over, and over again. 
your head rung and you were dizzy, but you weren’t done. not yet.
maybe if you had stopped there, you wouldn’t have passed out. maybe if you had stopped there, you would’ve noticed the way that tanaka stood in your doorway in shock, unsure of how to respond to the situation.
when you open your eyes, tanaka is hovering over you, crying.
“why were you hitting yourself like that..” he hesitates to ask, secretly hoping that you’d reply with something like “i don’t know.” because if you don’t know, it would probably be easjer to stop.
“because there’s nothing else to do.” you sob out, your head still ringing from the constant abuse.
and tanaka doesn’t know what to say the that, but he tries his hardest to talk you through this, even with the words and struggles unspoken.
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furyfought · a month ago
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abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.
loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.
+ pinterest, stats.
hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎
agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?
when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 
agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.
agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.
agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 
but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 
i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.
anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 
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"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !
i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3
if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3
conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.
fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 
someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3
omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!
agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?
an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?
agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.
agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3
if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.
omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 
on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3
budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 
i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..
college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.
tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.
agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 
speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.
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love-amihan · a month ago
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translation of the title: special someone
amihan's note: thank you for beta reading mga bebilabs @/lumpiang-toge @okakamaki @kirakirasaku 😚😚 ahh the ending reminds me of a filo advertisement, a jollibee ad to be exact. here you go, let me hear your thoughts on what you think about this ^3^ might have spelling/grammar mistakes will fix it soon, happy reading!
summary: sugawara koushi has been your long-time boyfriend since you can remember, he already met your mother and grandfather! even got both their blessings. all that's left is for him to get down on one knee and for you to seal the deal.
࿐ྂ hq masterlist
bf!sugawara x fem!reader
song inspiration: kathang isip by ben&ben
event; piliin mo ang pilipinas by @lumpiang-toge
translations: tita (auntie), tito (uncle) - usually used for calling parent's friend, lolo - grandfather, iho - what elders usually call boys/men
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"Sugawara Koushi, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" the priest smiles at the groom, encouraging him to say those two words.
koushi turns to his side and glances at his bride whose gaze was fixated towards the priest, he turns back and opens his mouth about to utter the words, "i-" he was pulled out of his dream by his long-time friend, "daichi?! what the hell" he whined, rubbing his face with his hand frustrated having his pleasant dream interrupted.
"hey, i'm not the one who you should be angry at" daichi complained, koushi let out a sigh and looked up seeing his group of friends looking at him a little taken back. he let out a sheepish smile, his usual calm demeanor slowly falling apart "morning" he muttered, the group blinks back at him grunting greeting in return.
"were you... were you just having a dream about a wedding?" shoyo pointed out causing for ryunosuke to tense seeing koushi's eye twitch, he smacks shoyo's back harshly "now now, let's not talk about that" he quickly pulled shoyo out of the room scolding him in the process.
you walked inside koushi's room expecting for koushi to be awake now considering you sent the whole group to do so, "you're awake!" you cheered making your way towards him, as soon as koushi saw you it was like the room was filled with flowers.
"seriously where were you when we needed you the most?" daichi mutters, taking his leave with the group to give the couple some privacy, koushi looks back at him sticking his tongue out childishly. once the two of you were alone, he smiled giving you a peck in the cheek "way to start a good morning" you giggle snuggling to his side,
"mom missed you, wanna go home with me later?" you mumble to his chest, his hand comfortably resting at your back, "i'm starting to think that tita favors me more than her only daughter" he teased poking your side. you laughed a little humming, actually agreeing with the statement.
it always has been like this with koushi, one way to describe the relationship would be comfortable. how you two started was such a blur for the both of you, it all happened way too fast. you still remember how you did not invest in this relationship before, how your friend's advice made sense back then. how you believe that you two will eventually break it off.
'Sumabay sa agos na isinulat ng tadhana'
translation: 'go with destiny's flow of writing'
the day where your friend gave you advice from experience saying that, "relationships that progress fast usually ends as fast as it started" it was not only you who had this thought in mind, koushi was also having second thoughts back then.
but what you felt as your relationship grew stronger, it was different… different with him, the two of you thinking that maybe the relationship both of you had is far different from theirs. that maybe... just maybe that does not happen all the time and you two will be the living proof of that.
as koushi always reminded himself, the relationship was still building for five whole years, getting stronger as days passed by. or so he thought...
"tita! we're home" koushi made his presence known as he slipped on his slippers by the door, "good to have you here, 'nak" she shouted from the kitchen, "ah, iho is here?" a gruff voice from one of the rooms said, koushi's shoulders tensed a little.
"tito!" you cheerily greeted running towards them, "n/n i told you to get over that old habit of yours, i'm old now. i'm your lolo not tito" koushi trailed behind you gulping hard, he didn't know your grandfather would be taking his visit. you just giggled, "it's mom's fault for not correcting me at an early age" you take his hand and display the filipino culture of pagmamano, koushi soon followed smiling at him slightly.
you dashed your way towards your mother helping her in the kitchen, his eyes following your movement. he felt a heavy hand patting his back "what are you so tense for, iho?" he let out an airy laugh, koushi stuttered with his words mentally slapping himself. he cleared his throat looking him in the eyes, "nothing tito, still nervous around you i guess" his hand rubbing the back of his head, your grandfather shakes his head remembering the first time you introduced him.
"t-tito, this is sugawara koushi" you gestured to koushi who's slightly sweating. that day was also hard for you considering your grandfather can be harsh sometimes. plus, he had never given any of your suitors or past boyfriends a chance.
the result was a surprise though, koushi managed to get on his good side. the only one who got his genuine blessing of acknowledgement as your boyfriend. which koushi takes pride in, that's right he's the only one who can do that. your favorite grandfather who you always look up to, gave his blessings to him.
"so when are you proposing?" your grandfather who has his arm around koushi's shoulder snapped him out of his trance, now moving his gaze towards your direction. "i-i haven't t-thought about that yet" he mumbles quickly averting his gaze. "ehhh, better move fast iho. i wanna see my grandchildren before i die" koushi became flustered a little, panicking a little.
first, he just had a dream of you two getting married and now he's here imaging you in a kitchen with kids running around. he shakes his head trying to think anything other than the two, "come on now tito, don't scare him" your mother came to his side as he took her hand,
"sorry about him 'nak, it was an unexpected visit" koushi shakes his head "no, it's okay tita" he smiled at her, your mother laughs pinching his cheeks "ahh, i would also love to see you as our little y/n's husband" you grumble making your way towards them, "don't pressure him now" koushi looked at you, 'yeah i would love that too' he thought smiling wider.
'Gaano kabilis nagsimula'
translation: 'how quickly it started'
"i do" he heard you say, he never thought hearing you say those two words would be anything but feeling happiness surge through his inside. yet, here you are back facing him "w-what?" his voice inaudible, not believing what’s happening right now
'Gano'n katulin nawala'
translation: 'was how it quickly ended'
"i'm sorry" you tried voicing it out as loud as you can. you began walking the opposite side of him, his hand reaching out for you as you slowly fade away from his vision. 'no no no no' he chanted in his head, this was not supposed to happen.
'Bawat kilig na nadarama sa tuwing hawak ang iyong kamay
Ito'y maling akala, isang malaking sablay'
translation: 'every thrill i felt whilst holding your hand
this was all a misguided thought, a big mistake'
you were not supposed to leave him, you two were supposed to be endgame, you two were meant together, you were different. the thing you two have is different, you were supposed to be his last, supposed to be his wife... he clenched his fist, gritting his teeth. this has to be a nightmare, you would never leave him, his nails digging into his palm, the two of you were all set, all he had to do was say those words. but how did it end up like this? why? what happened?
'Maaari ba tayong bumalik sa umpisa?
Upang 'di na umasa ang pusong nag-iisa'
translation: 'can we begin again?
for this hopeful lone heart'
it was going good, better even. you two were so comfortable, settled, maybe that was where he's wrong... maybe he has a far different view of your relationship with him. maybe he was envisioning too much, looking forward too much, and maybe he was feeding himself lies that he always chose to believe.
'At sa aking bawat paghinga
Ikaw ang nasa isip ko, sinta'
translation: 'with every breath
you're in my mind, my love'
the sudden change of melody from the organ snapped koushi out of his thoughts, he looked at the end of the aisle, seeing you look beautiful in your white wedding gown. the white veil concealing your appearance as you walk down the aisle holding the bouquet with two hands, he smiled softly.
he was glad you gave him a second chance, he never thought it would end up like this. how he will witness this special moment with his own two eyes, his imagination failing to capture your very beauty as you look back at his direction.
someone cleared their throat, koushi slightly jumping in surprise. he looked at the person, his stomach dropping at the sight... that's right, you indeed gave him a second chance, however, it would never be the same. you were not looking at him lovingly; you were looking at your groom lovingly. your groom who's standing in front of him, koushi let out a breath, his heart hurting by his own thoughts.
'Na minsan s'ya'y para sa iyo pero minsan, s'ya'y paasa'
translation: 'that someone's for you but sometimes, that someone gave false hope'
"relax man" he encouraged the groom, patting his back gently "you're lucky to have her" he reminded which the groom smiled at nodding, "yeah" he looked at him, mumbling a quick gratitude. 'so lucky to have her' he thought, here he is standing by your groom's side. a best man at your wedding, this was not how he imagined seeing you in a white dress... but if it means seeing you this happy and smiling brightly, it's all good for him.
you let him come back to your life, let him attend your wedding, there is nothing more he can complain about. all he could do was hold back his feelings and stop this delusional imagination of his. he should move on; let you be happy in your new life, leave you be, set you free.
his smile pained seeing the groom take you from your grandfather, exchanging quick greetings. yet, he can't. he's so angry with himself, why can't he bring himself to do so. he bit his lower lip, feeling his heart would crush with how tight it's feeling at the sight of you two exchanging vows. his whole frame trembling, he took a deep breath trying to get himself together. but he will try, just for you.
'Ako'y gigising na sa panaginip kong ito'
translation: 'i will wake up from this dream'
all he wanted was for you to be happy, even if it means he will have to let you go, let you have your happiness even if it’s not with him. he looked back at the two of you, a small smile on his face. if you're happy with him, he will be too. that was his final thought as the two of you shared a kiss, sealing the marriage, the crowd erupting in joyous cheer.
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animebw · a month ago
Happy belated mother’s day, everyone! This fic goes out to the mothers of Symphogear, all of whom deserved more screentime. I also get to give Hibiki’s mom a name, since she doesn’t have an official name. Huzzah!
As always, I’ll post the fic below the Keep Reading bar in case you’d prefer reading it on Tumblr over AO3. Be sure to like/comment/kudos/whatever if you liked it, and feel free to check out the rest of my Symphogear fics, all of which take place in the same continuity. Hope you enjoy!
Hibiki groaned and rolled over. “Mmmmmm.”
It was no use. She opened her eyes and sat up. The room came into focus around her. The weathered ceiling. A softly humming fan blowing in cool air from the open window. The bed’s pale orange sheets. Miku lying next to her, her chest rising and falling gently with each breath. Faint streaks of moonlight glistening in her hair, caressing her cheek like-
Hibiki sighed in defeat. Sorry, Miku. I’ll admire your sleeping face properly next time.
She forced herself out of bed. Hidamari’s crib was on the opposite side of the room, with a little rocking chair beside it. Most nights, she was a remarkably quiet sleeper. Every once in a while, though, she needed to stay in Mama’s arms or she’d spend the whole night wailing.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Hibiki plopped down in the rocking chair and picked up Hidamari. “I’m here, sweetie. I’m here.”
“Mmmmmm.” Hibiki rocked slowly back and forth. “Listen to you. Where do you get that loud voice, I wonder?”
“Probably from you.”
Hibiki glanced up, embarrassed. “Sorry, Miku. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay.” Miku gazed at her from the bed, her turquoise eyes shimmering. “She really is a loudmouth, isn’t she?”
Hibiki felt her heart beat faster. The moonlight spilling across Miku almost made her look like an angel. Shem-ha, give me the strength to hold myself back.
“Shhhhhh.” Summoning all her restraint, Hibiki tore her eyes away from Miku and went back to rocking. “There, there.”
“Want me to help?” Miku sat up. “Maybe with two of us-“
“No, you get back to sleep. I’ll be okay.”
“You sure?”
“You’ve stayed up with her so many times already.” Hibiki smiled at her wife. “This time, let me pay you back, okay?”
Miku giggled. “My hero.” She lay back down. “Well, call me if you need me.”
“I will. Sweet dreams.”
“Love you.”
“Love you.”
Soon, Miku was asleep again. Hibiki rocked slowly, cradling Hidamari in her arms. As the minutes passed, her wails quieted to soft burbles. She nuzzled up to Hibiki’s chest, almost like a puppy. Hibiki traced a finger through her golden curls, already so shockingly full for one who just celebrated her first birthday two months ago. It seemed like only yesterday she’d first laid eyes on her newborn baby. How was she growing up so fast?
It still didn’t feel real to her. Being a mother. Raising another human being. She’d spent so much of her teenage years fighting to keep the world safe; even before her Symphogear days, she put everyone else’s needs before her own. The thought of having a family- hell, even just the thought of being with Miku seemed as foreign to her as being lumberjack in the Russian wilderness. And yet, here she was, rocking the child she’d carried in her own body to sleep. What would her fifteen-year-old self say if she could see her now?
What have I done to deserve this happiness?
Hibiki’s hands trembled. Sometimes, the thought of raising Hidamari scared her. She was still barely an adult. Her own family had gotten all kinds of messed up. What did she know about being a mom? What if she was doing everything wrong? What if her fists were still good for nothing but fighting? What if taking Hidamari in her hands would only result in those hands hurting her? What if-
For once, Hibiki was thankful for the interruption of her daughter’s screams. She held Hidamari close and rocked. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
But she couldn’t not think about it. She had to think about it. This wasn’t some imaginary hypothetical; this was her real-life flesh-and-blood daughter. She deserved everything Hibiki could give her. But how could she know if she was giving enough?
Hidamari belched softly. She mumbled something incoherent and cuddled closer. Hibiki wondered if she could feel her mom’s heart beating. Was it loud? Rushed? Did it betray how scared she was? Could a one-year-old even tell?
She looked up at the ceiling. The cracked lilac paint always seemed to calm her down when she was anxious. It reminded her of Miku. The sweetness of her perfume. The warmth of her smile. Her piercing eyes as they silently asked Hibiki the questions she tried to ignore: So, why don’t you stop trying to worry about this on your own?
Hibiki smiled. Even asleep, Miku was still looking out for her. You really are my sunshine.
She was right, of course. Hibiki couldn’t figure this out alone. She needed advice. Advice from someone who knew what they were talking about. And Hibiki knew exactly who to ask.
She just hoped she’d survive the embarrassment.
* * *
“Advice on being a mom?”
Hibiki glanced around the room awkwardly. “I’m just wondering, you know. If there’s anything important I should know.”
It had been some time since Hibiki last visited her old home. Taking care of Hidamari had kept her and Miku pretty busy. But here she was, sitting across from her mother, Ruka, at her old dining room table covered with all the stains she’d left on it over the years.
“Goodness.” Ruka chuckled. “When you called and said you had something to talk about, I was worried it was something serious.”
“This is serious!” Hibiki looked at her indignantly. “I want to be the best mom I can! Can’t you help me?”
“Sorry, sorry. Of course I can help.”
Hibiki sighed in relief. “So… any advice?”
“Hmmm.” Ruka tapped her fingers on her teacup. “Well, my first piece of advice would be to not have a baby when you’re only twenty-one. But I suppose that ship has sailed.”
“Moooooom!” Hibiki blushed beet-red.
“I’m just saying, it’s a big responsibility! Akira and I didn’t have you until I was twenty-seven, and even then we were worried we might be rushing things.”
“W-well, Miku and I didn’t want to wait.”
“I know.” Ruka smiled a teasing smile. “You two were very brave, getting started so early.”
Hibiki sank, if possible, even deeper into her chair. “Anyway.”
“Anyway.” Ruka sipped her tea. “Is Hidamari eating well?”
“Sleeping well?”
“She… stays up all night crying sometimes.”
Ruka smirked. “She must get that from you.”
“Mooooooooooooom! Only Miku gets to tease me about that!”
Ruka laughed. “Does she? My bad.”
She sat up straight. “Well, just make sure to keep an eye on her. Trade nights with Miku so neither of you lose too much sleep. How often does she wake you up?”
“Once a week, sometimes twice.”
“Let me know if that gets any worse. Did you know you used to have trouble sleeping as a baby?”
Hibiki blinked. “Really?”
“Really. You kept me and Akira up for almost a week straight. We had to give you a special medicine to help you sleep.”
“Huh.” Hibiki looked down at her lap. “And I thought I was always good at sleeping.”
“You got there eventually.” Ruka downed the last of her tea. “Hidamari shouldn’t need any medicine yet, by the sound of it. But if she starts waking you up more, I can help you track it down. I’ll bet I still have the prescription receipts lying around somewhere.”
Hibiki didn’t answer. A curious feeling was welling up in her stomach. She remembered when things got really bad after the fateful concert, when her house was attacked by strangers and her dad walked out on them. Her mother did her best to keep a positive attitude around her, encouraging her not to give up and promising her they’d be okay. But there were days when she’d see her mother sitting at this same dining room table, her head in her hands. The world might have fallen to pieces around her and she probably wouldn’t move a muscle.
Hibiki never had the courage to talk about seeing those moments. She’d always creep away unnoticed, and the next time she saw her mom, she’d be just as cheery as always. As if the depressed, helpless woman sitting at the dining room table was some other mom, a mom both of them had a silent agreement never to mention. A secret kept between two people wearing their best smiles like masks on the verge of cracking apart.
“Hibiki? Is everything alright, sweetie?”
Hibiki realized she must have been staring at the ground for a while. “Sorry, she mumbled, looking up.
Ruka stared at her with a worried expression. “You’ve got a lot on your mind, haven’t you?” she murmured.
Hibiki wet her lips. Part of her wanted to smile, wave her off and let the whole thing wash over. But the thought of doing so again suddenly felt very tiring. How did she do it so easily in the past? Put on a happy face like nothing was wrong when she really wanted to break down crying?
“Hey, mom?”
“What is it?”
“What… was it like? Raising me?”
Ruka blinked in surprise. “You’re curious about that?”
“Yeah.” Hibiki crossed and uncrossed her legs. “Is… that okay?”
For a moment, Ruka seemed speechless. Then, she smiled. “You really are growing up, you know that?”
“Alright, alright. No more teasing.”
She leaned back in her chair. “You were always loud. Hungry, too. Your appetite was incredible from the moment you were born. I was afraid you would drain my milk dry.”
Hibiki blushed again. “Sorry.”
Ruka laughed. “Let’s just say I was quite relieved when you could finally start eating solids. But you were still a handful. Always off on some new adventure, always getting into trouble and poking your nose in where it didn’t belong. One time, you got your head stuck in the neighbor’s pet door because you were trying to pet their cat. Remember that?”
“God, don’t remind me.” Hibiki let her forehead rest on the table. “I still have nightmares about that.”
“Poor thing.” Ruka reached out and patted Hibiki’s head.
“Were you ever scared?”
Ruka’s hand paused. “Scared, huh?”
“Yeah.” Hibiki felt her mother’s fingers in her curls, still as stone. What kind of face was Ruka making right now? She didn’t dare raise her gaze to find out.
For a moment, the silence lingered. Then, Ruka’s hand rested comfortably flat on Hibiki’s head. “You bet I was scared.”
Oh. It was like a warm shiver passed through Hibiki’s entire nervous system. “Really?”
“How could I not be?” Ruka’s fingers resumed tracing through Hibiki’s curls. “You were my only kid. Still are. I wanted to be the best mom I could, but I was learning on the fly. Half the time, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I still don’t, sometimes.”
Her hand came to a rest again. “God knows, I wasn’t perfect. If I could turn back time, there are so many things I’d change. Especially…” Her voice trembled a bit. “Especially after the Zwei Wing concert.”
“What?” Hibiki finally looked up. “Mom, none of that was your fault!”
“But I could’ve tried harder. Every day, I wish I’d done more.”
“More what?”
“I don’t know. Anything.” Ruka clasped Hibiki’s hand. “Anything to save you from having to suffer.”
Hibiki felt her bottom lip trembling. “Mom…” she whispered.
“Hibiki.” Ruka looked her in the eyes. “I can’t tell you to never mess up. I can’t tell you how to be the perfect mom. But I can tell you this: Try. Try and make mistakes and learn from them. Do the best you can, every day, bit by bit. And when things get too hard, don’t forget you’re not in this alone. You’ve got so many people ready to help you if you need it.”
She brushed a stray hair out of Hibiki’s face. “It’ll be hard sometimes. But I know you can do it. You and Miku will be the best parents Hidamari could want. You know why?”
“Why?” Hibiki was shocked at how choked up she sounded.
“Because you’re my daughter.” Ruka smiled. “And you’re the best daughter I could ever ask for.”
That was it. That was all she could take. Hibiki didn’t even feel the tears as they started falling. She just felt the heat behind her eyes, the ache in her chest, the wet sobs overtaking her breath. There was no way of stopping it. All she could do was hold her mother’s hand and let herself fall apart.
“Oh, Hibiki.” Ruka was by her side. “Come here, baby. Come here.”
Hibiki buried her face in Ruka’s chest. Her body shook with sobs. There was so much she wanted to say. Thank you for being such a great mom. I’m sorry for all the trouble I put you through. I hope I can give Hidamari even half of what you’ve given me. But none of the words came out. So she simply cried, cried and held on for dear life, cried in the arms of the greatest mother on the face of the earth.
“I love you, mom,” she finally managed to get out.
“I love you too,” her mother whispered back. “I love you so much.”
They held each other for minutes on end. Hibiki felt the last of her sobs pass through her, leaving her trembling body behind. She sucked in a long breath and let it out. How many years ago did she last cry in her mother’s arms like that? How long had it been since she decided she was too old for that anymore?
Maybe it was okay to be a child again sometimes.
“Well?” Ruka kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling?”
Hibiki looked up. There were so many things she could’ve said, but in the end, she decided to tell the truth. “Still scared.”
“Want to stay here a little longer?”
“Of course.”
Hibiki rested her head against Ruka’s shoulder. Her mother’s hug was so warm. Warm enough to chase away the cold fear within her. Warm enough to make her believe she actually deserved it. Warm enough to say everything it needed to say without a single word passing between them.
Will I be able to hug Hidamari like this? she wondered.
Of course you will, the hug seemed to whisper back. Your hands will definitely reach her.
She smiled. A real smile. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Nothing.” Hibiki snuggled closer.
She couldn’t wait to see her family again.
15 notes · View notes
admiringlove · a month ago
hurtful things
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+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.
+genre: angst; headcanons.
+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.
+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.
+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]
+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D
+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.
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“i’m better off without you.”
you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 
you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 
"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"
you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"
"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."
he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."
"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).
"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."
you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 
so that's how it was, you think. 
the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 
ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 
he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?
and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 
did you really feel that bad about what he said?
in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 
"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"
jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."
"how long has it been?"
"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"
"i.. don't know."
he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 
maybe it was for the best.
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“you’re nothing but a burden.”
after taking on a few abyss mages and matachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 
you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."
"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"
"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."
your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"
and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 
he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 
the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 
only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."
it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 
he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 
maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.
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“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”
it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.
just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  
a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."
the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 
the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 
when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."
"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."
"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."
"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 
"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."
"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"
you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 
"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"
he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 
your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."
"wait, i didn't mean-"
"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."
it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 
it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.
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“i’d like you to leave me alone.”
zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?
he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."
he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."
because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 
you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 
so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?
it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."
he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 
had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 
he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.
he couldn't breathe without you. 
he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."
you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."
god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 
he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.
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malibumiu · a month ago
[Shy stud Makoto AU]
for @makoto-naegi-ultimate-stud contains naejunko this one is just fluff
Makoto sighed as he leaned back against the grass, he adjusted a few times just to get settled on the ground normally he would use his blazer as a thin blanket of sorts but thanks to his new size. (which remind him that he needed to go to town this weekend to hopefully grab a new one he might have enough if not...maybe sex counts as payment right?) The blazer made use as a makeshift pillow if balled it up enough so if was fine. 
He was a secluded corner on the grounds of school, well it was a bit more in the reserve course territory but none of them really came over to this spot since it was so close on Ultimate’s terf. It was the same Ultimates too close to the reserve course. Which was fine by the stud, it was a place that he found rather sacred even now with his new form, he was away for now at least. From horny classmates and staff, semi-aggressive and overly-obvious jealous guys it was just him and nature. With the soft chirping of birds and gentle winds whispering to him, he closed his eyes and ignored the world around him.
Junko hummed as she trotted around the courtyard, but she wasn’t doing this for a leisurely stroll no no! Junko Enoshima was on a mission for a big guy with a equally big stupid heart, with as big as he was it was a surprise he managed to slip out of any of his peers eye sight. So now she knew at least half of the girls were on a scavenger hunt to find the stud even her own bitch of a sister was. But unlike her and many of those other hussies, she had an ultimate that could even surpass the ultimate detective, she was the ultimate analyst. She could predict anything, and find infinite ways to do said things, but when it came to Makoto even when she first met him she couldn’t predict him. Not him, not his cycle, not anything there was no telling what Makoto Naegi could do despite his average looks. But this time it seemed she was at an advantage.
Taking a turn the fashionista scanned the environment around her, the difference in the area could be told, as one side appear more greener, prestige and well kept compared to the other side of the invisible line where there was particles of discarded items and the grass was more brown and dying she predicted that it at least has week or 2 left before it died completely. ANYWAYS! There was a point where said invisible line ended at the end of it led to a small field that connected to the woods. The grass there was combined making it taller along with the seasonal flowers and fallen leaves and branches scattered about. She walked closer, having a sneaking suspicion that the herbivore man was over here (he was even in a herbivorous habitat how convenient) her suspicion was right as after treading through the grass for a bit she came across his slumbering body indented in the grass. She could make out the outline of his pecs and abs from his tad too tight n’ thin dress shirt, his chest heaving up and down, she wonders if the button straining on his uniform will hold. Muscular arms relaxed as they were situated behind his head, he looked rather peaceful even a bit boyish. His ahoge appeared to be slack for once bobbing along to beat of the wind, she scoffed in amusement. 
She was tempted to just to climb on top of him, maybe surprise him or his manhood both perhaps and maybe worked up enough to the point where he could pound her ass into the ground-.
A yawn escaped Makoto’s lips as shifted around, his hazel eyes lazily focusing on her. She gave him a smirk as she lowered herself down onto him directly on top of his zipper, she shivered a bit she could already feel his bulge though he was flaccid it wouldn’t be for long beginning to move her hips rubbing herself on him. “The one and only babe~” 
“O-Oh mm” He mumbled letting out another yawn, “Do you wanna join me?”
She stopped, “Huh?” 
“Like for you know a nap you models do take those right?” 
She wacked his abs earning a small yelp from him repositioning herself, legs on either side spread open giving him a nice view of her blacked laced panties she wiggled her hips to try and entice him.  
“Of course I do but~” she wiggled again more aggressively this time, “ Wouldn’t you rather spend some time in me instead?” The image of her getting savagely pounded into the ground with the slight possibility of someone passing by and witnessing their shameless interourse...Ooh just the thought made her tingle with excitement.
“Mmm” Suddenly she felt big hands around her waist suddenly she felt her head squish against something rather soft. The hand moved up from her waist and gently patted her head which felt...rather nice.
“You trying to feel me up with your own chest you hunk?” she teased, rubbing against him her own bosom was rather large, easily overfilling one or even two hands any normal man would be 
practically drooling at the sight of them. But as normal as Makoto claimed to be he didn’t get all blushly or stuttering mess or anything..well not right now at least. 
“W-Wha? Nooo Junko come on just relax with me…” he muttered again, tightening his grip on her waist sealing her fate. 
She let out a dramatic sigh, but still snuggled closer to the man, she had to admit the tight grip he had on her wasn’t an uncomfortable one in fact it was rather comforting…(I-it's not like she liked it or anything!!) She was honestly a little disappointed when he stopped patting her head, she knew the big oaf was probably dozed off into stupid lala land with one of those other bitches. (but she ugh HOPED that it was her, after all it would be rude not to the dream about the fucking hot model laying on him!!) 
“Hey Junko..” His voice came out more timid than normal, more like when she first met him it was so weird to hear it now. “..Thank you for deciding to relax with me and...not alerting everyone.” Junko blinked and slowly went to stare up at him, her usually electric blue eyes were flat and blank with an expression he couldn’t really scared him a bit did he say something wrong? Oh god should he have just done something else? Should he have gone back to his fantasy- A soft and more cheerful sounding laugh filled his ear, Makoto nearly thought to look around because a laugh like shouldn’t have come from the Junko Enoshima but it did! They didn’t even fuck and somehow he broke her!
“Geeeeez Big mac you’re soooooo sappy sometimes it's gross,” She said a sickly sweet voice “Are you that drained from us completely?” ‘’Us’ hah... Us and seemingly every other girl and milf that comes within a mile radius of me.’ It's not that he really minded the stares he got though it took sometime to get used to it. But as much as he enjoyed the girls and their endless endeavors of seduce him which leads more often not to them fucking even he valued his alone time (after all his balls did need to restock, his sperm wasn’t completely everlasting you know.)  
“No! No! It's not that and you know that!..” He sometimes wonders why Junko seems to like to play these kinds of mind games (and why he falls for them), being the Ult Analyst and all but then again a bored Junko often becomes scarily mischievous Junko so its better to entertain her ideas than ignore them. 
“Phuhuhu.. Don’t get a knot in your cock peasant! Of course the court knows why~.” The haughty tone in her voice already told him all he needed to know ‘Of course she knows she always does Makoto.’ 
He rolled his eyes before nuzzling his head back into a comfortable position, letting the sun’s rays beat down the heat making him drowsy. He could feel Junko squirming around before settling down. A comfortable silence formed between the two, the only noise being that of the air around them, for just even a moment it was peaceful in the fields of Hope’s Peak.
“Hey Makoto…” Junko called out softly almost like a whisper, “Don’t get the wrong fucking idea but maybe...could we do whatever the hell this is...sometime…again?” A beaming smile as bright as the near sun in the sky had formed one the stud’s face, how dare it made her sadistic little heart race?!
“O-Of course Junko! Just let me know-” A finger forcefully pressed itself up against his lips, her red pointed nail touched the tip of his nose.
“Shut the fuck up!” she hissed, “Someone might hear us! The last thing I need is those damn hussies trying to steal this away from me!” After whipping her head from side to ensure she saw no one she let out a sigh and repositioned herself yet again, this time laying directly on top of the stud. Their chest squished together she lazily fiddled with a stand of his hair, a neutral expression her face the latter took this as a moment to speak again. 
“I’d be happy to do this again with you Junko, and don’t worry..” he gave her a wink, a twinkle in his eye. “I can keep a secret.”
“Hmph! You better,” she muttered, “Look what you did all that yelling got me worked up! You're going to repay me by being my body pillow!”
“Let's pop these titties free bitch!” hastily she ripped off the two straining buttons from the top of his shirt, his pecs now somewhat free. She had to move a bit to lay on them more comfortably without her own breast getting in the way but once she got comfortable she found herself dozing off, the soft beating of his heart music to her ears. 
‘Man… girls can be strange.’ (He thinks as a girl types out this line)
Without another thought the stud closed his eyes again, this time there were no interruptions just him, Junko and the sounds of nature around. And in that time n’ moment that's all he cared about.
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