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#i always feel weird using the word hyperfixation but like. if thats not what this is i dont know what is
woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh · 6 months
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Christine Canigula was socially ostracized & developed a complex to protect herself: an essay
(suddenly i NEED to infodump about Christine actually so here)
Something I only noticed on rewatch: the way Christine will say something silly and then just kind of gingerly wait to see if Jeremy reacts well to it before continuing, almost like she's asking permission?? (e.g. the gap after the first stanza of "Play Rehearsal"). And it's only after he riffs off her bowling alley bit that she feels comfortable talking about her personal feelings with him (right before "Guy that I'd Kinda be Into"). The same happens with their "weird noise" exchange immediately before "It's pretty killer to sit and chat with you." I know theater relies on being succinct, and that 'bonding over shared quirks' and 'feelings talk' are both just crucial parts of relationship development... but I don't think it's a coincidence that it always goes in that order!
It's like Jeremy has to pass these *trials of weirdness* before she feels safe opening up to him and it drives me BONKERS so I wrote a whole 1000 word thing about it under the cut and this got too massive and I'm sorry. Also some autistic Jeremy meta at the end if that sweetens the pot hehehe
Table of contents:
Why she was ostracized
How she was ostracized
How that might inform her pattern of relationship development with Jeremy and Jake
How gender caused Jeremy's experiences to differ from hers, and how that affects their current relationships with "popularity" and peer acceptance.
1. Why she was ostracized
I am just so certain that Christine has been bullied or at least majorly outcast for a lot of her life. She's very obviously neurodivergent and because of that she can have these obnoxiously deep and repetitive interests, she can't judge if a piece of information will be genuinely interesting to someone, and she doesn't take social cues very well.
She frequently interrupts people when they're talking (an ADHD symptom btw), even when they're literally talking to her about the thing she wants to hear!
(C: "Do you find that? Because I totally find that!" J: "Uh, yeah, I-" C: "-And no matter how hard I try....")
(J: "I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but-" C:"Jeremy, just... say what's on your mind.") (girl I'm sorry but that's what he was doing..... I have a whole other thoughtpiece on how this particularly fucks with Jeremy while they're dating but thats another thing...)
She doesn't seem confident in her interpretations of people's emotions and she'll ask/talk about them point blank (both theirs and her own) in a way a lot of people would find rude
("Uh, you seem really nervous...") ("Popular people are fucked up! *mutual laughter* …I mean, you're one of them!") ("I am flattered, this is new / still I'm not sure what I should do" <- as a response to getting asked out, that's pretty bold! Plus the entire part where she laughs at Jake's "rich boy routine") (also compare and contrast to Jeremy's "I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now." idk. are your allistic stage dorks in the room with us right now motherfuckers)
I'd go on about her hyperfixations/special interests too but I think Play Rehearsal pretty much sums it up lol
2. How she was ostracized
All this to say that I am CERTAIN she spent a lot of her schooling having "nice girls" patiently let her sit with them at lunch for weeks at a time until they finally get sick of her rambling and faux pas. Only when they leave does Christine realize that they didn't actually care about anything she said... And this happens over and over and over. (I know this seems hella specific but I swear it's an actual phenomenon... at least I'm pretty sure? sdjflksjf)
But anyway, it's clear that by the time they're juniors, Christine has kind of (and I do only mean kind of) figured out what behaviour other people respond poorly to. And from evidence I stated in the intro, I think she's become really careful about which people she lets herself get attached to. She doesn't want this to ever happen again - which means if she's going to hang out with someone, she has to know that they actually care about her, that they know she will sometimes be obnoxious or blunt, and they'll still be okay with that forever.
3. Applying this to her canon relationships
You can extend this to Jake, someone who sees her in her element in drama rehearsal (the thing everyone finds annoying about her because she won't shut up about it) and STILL likes her. I think it's a totally valid reading that her bluntness with him later ("Upgrade") is just because she misreads him / doesn't quite get the social standard that she should be white lying instead. But I think you could also read her as testing the waters. If she's really going to commit to dating this guy, she's gotta know he's okay with her being herself. And the fact that this guy (and I think it's significant that he is a boy, for reasons I'll explain in the end note) genuinely seems to like her is a whole new level of peer validation ("I am flattered, this is new") -- so of course she's gonna fall at least a little! It doesn't hurt that he's "tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am..." just like her!
Her history with being pity-liked makes Chloe's "advice," that Jake's just toying with her and is going to move on soon, even scarier, because that's genuinely happened to her (on a platonic level) so many times before.
Jeremy is also a good candidate from the beginning because he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in and he doesn't wanna fit in you ever see him without this stupid cardigan on? that's weird! And she keeps warming up to him not only because they're getting to know each other but because he gets progressively more willing to not only tolerate (as Jake does) but *participate* in her weirdness!
First, she does something weird and he tolerates it ("Play Rehearsal"); the next time she's weird, he participates! (bowling ball before GTIKBI). Then finally finally finally he initiates the weirdness and lets her join in! ("weird noises" exchange before GTIKBI reprise).
And notably, it is THIS moment that canonically signifies that they've hit the apex of their canon relationship development. If there was an achievement called "Befriend Christine," it would have popped up right then and there!!!
IN CONCLUSION: YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM T_T
4: Christine vs. Jeremy: Gender differences & how that ultimately impacts their social goals
I also think all of this would have happened to Jeremy too if he'd been a girl. But because, generally, young boys feel less social obligation than girls to take pity on the autistic kid (and because boys tend to be more quickly recognized as autistic) he just ends up completely alone for most of his school life (Michael nonwithstanding - and yeah there's an important distinction between your childhood friend putting up with you and knowing that, woah, I guess literally nobody else ever will).
Meanwhile, Christine has had people "put up" with her, and she's SICK OF IT!
That's part of why their complexes are so different, because Christine is trying to check everyone she meets to make sure they'll be okay with her weirdness before she gets attached, Jeremy is trying to eliminate his weirdness altogether because he's never even experienced his peers listening out of *pity* so how the hell can he expect someone to ever listen to him out of *interest?*
Jeremy has never had someone pretend to like him before, so he completely lacks Christine's fear of befriending someone who secretly hates you. He doesn't realize how bad it'll hurt him if he destroys his real self for popularity, if he befriends people who would have bullied his real self. He doesn't know what disingenuous friendship feels like, so like a very young Christine he's still actively trying to get there because he thinks it's the only kind of validation he'll ever get.
Do you see what im saying? Do you see it???? AUAUGUGUUGGH
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THANK YOU FOR READING!!! If you have thoughts or even rebuttals please share i am so desperate to discuss the blorbos
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I HAVE THINGS TO SAY PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HEAD THUNKS.
Okay so recently i've come to the realization that i might be autistic or have adhd. Or both. Maybe. IDK.
But the thing is i'm not very sure. Like at all really!
When i read about the symptoms about the tism or adhd i feel like some of both apply to me. And its confusing me really really really badly. Because any attempts to answer questions raise more and more.
Like i'm the type of person who hates loud noises so much to the point where i run to the bathroom and cry but when its quiet i yell and talk loudly and it doesnt bother me. Some loud noise i'm used to but i still hate. And when it comes to things i can control like music or tv shows i can put them on full volume and not give any flying shits. I havr no volume control :/
And i never really noticed stimming till up until recently. I used to jump and do a weird "SQEEERK" sound whenever i was excited or i would flap my hands. It was only after one too many weird looks that i kept it to myself. Table tapping and also leg bounce everytime i was overwhelmed.
Never had much problem with eye contact really. The opposite actually! If u talk to me i stare the secrets out of your souls and it makes both me and the other person uncomfortable when i realize it.
And hyperfixations. BOY ITS A WILD RIDE WHEN IT COMES TO MY HYPERFIXATIONS. I've always been fixated on art. Ever since i was like, two. And thats the longest running fixation i have i THINK. But lately its just been animated tv. (Rottmnt. You all know it.)
AND AND AND AND AND I HAVE NO SENSE OF ANYTHING. i genuinely forgot the word for it. But its like "oh i'm hungry i'll go eat!" But then i'll see my sketchbook on the way to the kitchen and realize that i'm almost out of pages and now my brain is telling me to get a new one and THENNN i'll see that the table is dirty so i wipe it down and i forget what i'm doing. Go back to my room, and realize. (Truly a pain)
I understand that if you boil some tomato in a pan you aren't automatically making sauce. But i think i have the ingerdients to say that i MIGHT be making sauce.
I can't tell my parents because they're abelist as fuck and think all autistic people are stupid and the devils spawn or whatever. No professional help either theres literally none because i'm a MINOR and i can't get any without my parents knowing.
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alchemiccolored · 3 years
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i love eyestrain art so much but ive never gotten the hang of it... trying again with my most recent hyperfixation!!
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panics-side-blog · 2 years
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Sun/Moondrop headcanons to stop my thirst for more content (sfw)
Sighs another day another hyperfixation with another broken promise with delivering art (i genuinely hope i will finish at least their line art).
Buts thats another thing for another day *cracks knuckles* it's time for some headcanons
Also smol waring i am a simp for them so if you don't like to read some simping ignore this upload headcanons under the cut
🌞&🌚; they both are autistic and have ADHD with some serious anxiety and separation anxiety (they seriously gave an animatronic mental illness and neurodivergents)
🌞&🌚; they both are around 8-9 feet tall, their so freakishly tall to be able to grab any child that is on high places but can't/is too scared to get down (totally not because i have a thing for height differences and wanting to have a "good" view on them,,, respectfully of course)
🌞&🌚; they both speak, french, english, spanish (and all their different accents/variant words of it depending on the country speaking it) and portuguese
🌞&🌚; they both use he/they and it pronouns
🌞&🌚; probably agender/ transmasc/demifluid??? Also they are in the ace spectrum (i may be a horny simp for them but i really really like this headcanon it fits really good to them and who says that ace people can't dance the tango)
🌞&🌚; they both don't get treated well by the staff (probably all of the animatronics do,but i headcanon it's for them worse bc they handle really smol and young kids). So verbal abuse is normal. The staff and the people don't realize that they are so advanced that they are their own person with goals and ambitions and treat them as just objects easily replaceable (this gets even worse after the corruption)
🌞&🌚; they both wish too see their respective sky representation (?) Their based off and hearing the birds sing touch the soft grass. All away from the loud and terrible treatment they gotta endure
🌞&🌚; they are touch starved too no end. Not being able and allowed to feel warmth and comfort from another adults (or robots for that matter) really upsets them both. It's more visible on Sun since they have problems hiding their emotions while Moon just masks it or gets grumpy
🌞&🌚; they both would listen to jack stauber, lemon demon and will wood i don't take criticism shut up
🌞&🌚; they both have safety pads that soften their inside of their hands for the kids. Their body overall is much more softer then the others. Mainly wood that has a protective lair against water.
🌞; Is really bad with confrontation, when a Karen blows up on him or talks shit about him it hits him really bad and they get really self conscious about it
🌞; while he loves the kids sometimes they just kill the last bit of it's nerves and is really close too throw a pillow at their face with the full intended of maliciousness
🌞; A lot of people think and forget that he isn't just cute wholesome robot bae. They are feral and a gremlin. His high energy and gremlin attitude can be a real struggle for others even for the kids (please don't give it the infantilism treatment like papyrus, i do love naive baby man wholesome robot, but please I AM BEGGING don't overdo it)
🌞;Sun is also big on pranking people wich only adds to it
🌞; sun smells like a weird mix of glue, plastic,maple and lemon with a hint of oil
🌞; really bad at singing
🌞;loves puzzles and rope skipping
🌞; a bit oblivious and naive on peoples struggle since he is programmed to be more positive and energetic. At the beginning he had some serious toxic positivity ™©® problems. But after some work not anymore.
(before the corruption)
🌚; it was a really pleasant and soft spoken caretaker (even if he took their job a bit too serious).
🌚; kids loved it when they gave a good night song or told them Storys be it from books or made up on the spot.
🌚; really good with handling neurodivergent kids, while sun is a bit too much of a nervous wreck moon is a master in calming and helping them. He always knew what too do and how too help
🌚; had a slight sarcastic streak with some smart assery and smugness. But they never crossed the line and did use it more to make the kids laugh
🌚; very patient and understanding. His empathy for children never knew an end and if they saw a kid getting upset by something they stop it ASAP
🌚; very good at comforting children
(after the corruption)
🌚; the change of their personality wasn't immediately so it was a shocker for everyone when they realized what's going on with it
🌚; now the boogyman for the kids, has almost no patience for the children and his empathy was thrown out of the window
🌚; his job is now even more important too him and he doesn't care if it scares the children as long as they stay quiet and sleep
🌚; no sing songs and Storys anymore. Still would get the kids some water or milk if they ask nicely
🌚; though love™, his smugness got amplified and can be a straight up creep with the way he watches people and crawls around the play ground like a spider.
🌚; is almost always grumpy
(other things after the corruption)
🌞&🌚; sun was more programed too be the physical support animatronic and give the kids a good exercise plus entertainment. While moon was meant to be the emotional and mental support for kids
🌞&🌚; when moon got corrupted sun tried to also give the mental and emotional support but it's really hard to be calm and gentle with kids when you are ADHD and anxiety on steroids.
🌞&🌚; sun tried to tell the staff that something is wrong with moon but they didn't listen. Now he gets punished for it's wrong doing. Wich adds PTSD to their list of problems. Moon being in the same body and sharing a mind with them picked up on this bad mistreatment and develoed a complex of needing too punish people for small things. He believes that it's okay and right since the staff does it to sun.
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iceglade · 3 years
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yo this tarot shit has me genuinely so irl-stressed out bro 😭😭 i gotta either indulging in my hyperfixation fueled absolute-worst-outcome pessimism or get completely out of astro/tarot unless it’s super 100% /pos cos this is a horrible combination eeee
🌻 flower for you! tarot can be brutal, blunt, and harsh, and just out-of-context enough to only make sense in hindsight. thats just like life ahaa. i swear i also get way to stressed out (i am also too invested, ahahaa), but for me divination helps calm my anxieties a lot. let us help you :D tl;dr. the genre is angst with a happy ending.
you've struggled with insecurities before, and are right now, yeah? not just about the future, or about other people, but about yourself, too. its human!! the clearest messages anyone's readings always have for us whenever ANYONE asks about this topic is: so is dream. hey, y'know, both you and him deserve comforting when anxious, especially if you're scared about the future. even if you make weird decisions because of that fear. dream has baggage, yeah, but he is a hardy dude. he's willing to put in the work. you KNOW he is. he's defied fate before. and hes not alone.
if anything: (imo) tarot is like a pocket-sized mirror. its a small divination tool that you can use to see How Things Are At The Moment. try to think of future predictions like a motion vector graph - if you keep keep driving forward, you may clip the side of that jollibee
i try to keep a healthy level of skepticism, but divination on this topic it means something very profound to me, when everybody, over and over again, is getting the same cards -
"what will the meeting feel like": the sun. the world. joyful, full-circleness - it may feel to them like finally being free, or finally coming home.
"what is gnf feeling on this topic": the lovers. two of cups. queen of cups. compassion, unconditional love (p or r), experience and understanding,
. all of the above is no matter what deeply personal issue someone's cards may call him out for. tarot doesnt roast dream because hes malicious, or because it hates him. it roasts him because sometimes you get scared of the truth - and tarot is about as blunt a truth-teller as you can get. for all george's unhingement, he has this grace that people overlook because he hides it. his home-work seperation is strong. that's very very admirable! but we're not his friend. dream is.
dream shouldn't be scared of gnf. in the most pure sense of the word: he loves you, dude. whatever the situation is. he loves you. unconditionally. you. oh god. oh god. hoooh
its not just negatives that people can't avoid. but if theres one thing i can GUARANTEE: its that regardless (romantic or platonic) it doesnt MATTER, as long as they're together, the story will have a happy ending. they work hard and play hard, and they've done this for years. they are stuck together. forever. its too late bro!! they're stuck!! sure this is backed by astro but you can see it clear as day in what they do every day even unconsciously (i.e. obsess. cling. mutually!! and with full awareness of the other!! that is part of the appeal!!!) and they both represent something so earth-shatteringly important to each other, it makes me wanna shatter something.
"someone will stay by your side."
or maybe
"you are lovable as you are, with all your mess." or something else equally moving. but every possible is just as impactful as these ones. smth smth "yeah we plutonian. we leave deep lasting impacts on each other's lives that fundumentally change the other forever. keep scrolling." i know you're braced for the negative, but you cant escape the posi side of the wheel of fortune. you can try though. we can all try.
that's what brings ME comfort when doing readings, anyway. that plus this is a natural part of life. these lessons get learned by everyone. it just so happens that dream's is gonna be live and with FOOTAGE 😭 poor guy!!!!!/lh
. the genre is angst with a happy ending. watch how it plays out irl: someone will always surprise you. dream's too dedicated to positivity, and to george, for anything less than that. it'll be alright :O
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yelenasdog · 4 years
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romance and espionage (eggsy unwin x fem reader)
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genre: fluff w/ whole lotta angst
summary: who knew names could be such a touchy subject?
words: 2.4k
warnings: literally saying fuck everyother sentence, kissing, golden circle spoilers (is that a thing? idk), mentions of harry’s supposed death, mentions of roxy’s death, guns, and i think thats it.
ok, all my cm moots don’t judge me. 
a/n: ight so uhh as i’m posting this i’m finding out taron is an incel so that’s kinda oW but uhh i haven’t seen the secret service, i just rewatched the golden circle the other night and hyperfixated on taron so... uh here’s this LMAO. also! this takes place after the golden circle, and reader took roxy’s spot as lancelot. ok enjoy!!
♔♂♔
“God, Eggsy, would you quiet down?!”
He snarled meanly in a way that could make Bennie and Jet’s metallic forms cower in fear, his thin lips turning into a grimace.
“Don't call me that here. It’s Galahad, and Galahad only.”
The other agent only scoffed, rolling her eyes.
Lancelot’s surroundings were dark, although quite stunning nonetheless. It was clear and starry night sky, perfect for romance, the worst for espionage. The air felt so refreshing on her skin, allowing her to feel free in some way, even just for a moment, which she savoured, as a feeling such as that was rare in her line of work.
Now, if the girl had been with someone other than the annoying, prickish, and (even though it pained her to the highest degree to say it) handsome fellow, she maybe would have tried to have a little fun to pass the time. Maybe fool around a bit, fraternize with a coworker, eh?
But alas, ever the one with amazing luck, she was stuck with him. 
Which meant rather than perhaps getting crescent shaped markings on her hips from a quick rondevu under the indigo sky and sparkling stars, so roughly placed to match the moon that hung in it, she was crouching uncomfortably, only wishing that the former scenario was taking place.
 Not that she meant with fucking Eggsy, of course.
Well ok, maybe, just a tad.
“Fine, have it your way, Galahad.” She flailed her arms about in a jazz hand motion, making the blondy roll his twinkly eyes in a boyish manner. She fought the urge to grin widely, a warm feeling blooming in her chest, even at his obvious arrogance and upset towards her.
She wanted to blame his feelings towards her on her being a freshmen agent, recruited right after the convergence of Kingsman and Statesman in an effort to rebuild the organization. She had been childhood friends with Roxy, who had long ago tried to get Y/n to join the agency. When faced with her friend’s death, she wanted to honor her wishes, even if this wish was a little, well, extreme.
He only sighed in response to Y/n, tapping the side of his thick rimmed glasses twice.
Y/n’s eyes followed his hands as he did so, enjoying what she was seeing a great amount. She bit her bottom lip subconsciously, losing all focus that was there to begin with.
“Lancelot? Lancelot? For fucks sake, Y/n!”
She snapped her head up, her eyes becoming magnified even further through the faux tortoise shell glasses that Unwin would never admit framed her face wonderfully.
No, not a chance.
He wouldn’t dare even let the thought about how the soft skin of her freckled nose looked even more kissable, her eyes even more full of depth and wonder, or how kind and sweet she looked when she tucked a stray strand of hair away from her face. All because of the damned glasses. Never.
So rather, he settled for pointing over to where the subject of their stakeout was now standing, gun in hand as he conversed with one of his comrades.
But although her body followed his, listening to his directions, most of the information was going in one ear out the other, her brilliant mind occupied by a certain agent and his endeavors.
She was hard in thought, wondering about names of all things. A simple subject, easy to address, you would think. But apparently it was not so, not at all.
You see, Eggsy never had called Y/n by her name. It was always either “Lancelot”, or “Agent”, Y/n only being used for the exception of if he needed to quickly grab her attention.
And on the flip side, she was never allowed to call him anything other than Galahad. Agent was sparse, it put her on very thin ice, close to splitting at any second with no prior notice.
Now obviously, with Y/n being Y/n, she was determined to crack his rough exterior, despite however much he presented himself as “unbreakable”. (His words, not hers.) So, much to his displeasure, she often called out a quick “Oi, Unwin!”, or a “Jesus, Eggsy!” whenever he got in her way, which usually resulted in a similar distasteful glance to what she was recieving now being shot in her direction.
“Alright, Eggsy, I’m thinking that his partner is-“ She used her glasses X-Ray feature, confirming her suspicions. “The partner is in the abandoned pharmacy across the street, should we wait or go now?” He was silent, staring straight ahead, scrutinizing nothing in particular with a stare that was set in stone. 
She whistled lowly, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Eggsyyy-“
“Lancelot, would you shut the hell up! Don’t fucking call me that!” He stood up, leaving a vulnerable feeling Y/n in his wake.
Y/n’s jaw was suddenly like it was wired shut. She was paralyzed, unable to speak, only keeping her gaze fixated on Galahad.
“Look, I’m sorry-“
“Yeah, well good, then! When will you ever learn, we’re not friends, nor will we ever be. Get it through you’re fuckin’ head. It’s like you think you’re Roxy or some shit-“
Sadness and guilt turned to anger rather quickly for Y/n at his unfortunate choice of words.
“Stop it! Would you please, just stop it! For fucks sake!” Her voice was harsh, something he never would had never expected out of Y/n. Tears sprung into her eyes, and her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, no doubt drawing crimson liquid in the process. She tasted iron on her tongue, feeling it seep into her taste buds.
“Lancelo-“
“Fucking hell, shut the fuck up! Really, please, Galahad, listen to me, for once in your life.” She was the one who shot up, inching closer to him with every word. The sticks and leaves crunched under her feet, causing her to cringe at the sound, hoping it didn’t alert the targets.
He nodded solemnly, his jaw locking up, and his hands she had been admiring only seconds before clamped into fists at his sides.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, Harry’s words of “remember your training” ringing through her head. She internally began chanting it like a mantra of sorts.
But if she was being honest, she couldn't quite remember a chapter in the Kingsman handbook (that she most definitely did read during training) that talked about emotional distress due to your coworker who you’re extremely attracted to calling you only by your dead best friend's name, but hey, who knows.
“I know I'm not Roxy. Nobody else could ever be Roxy. I know that, you know that, hell, she knew that. And I would say that you have no idea how it feels to be reminded of one of your closest friends who is dead every time someone calls you by a name that feels as if it isn’t your own, but you do, Galahad. Or you did. But now Harry is back and- and Roxy, well Roxy is gone!”
A single tear slipped out of her left eye. The agent in front of her felt a strong urge wipe away the tears he now felt guilty for playing a large part in. But he resisted, his hands remaining stuck to his side.
“So why would you do this? Say these things, act this way, when you know I have to live every day with you for some reason calling me Lancelot in every situation and me having to call you Galahad all the same! Maybe I shouldn’t have stepped up to be Lancelot when Roxy was killed, if I can’t handle it, can’t handle the dehumanization that comes with only being known as an emotionless fuckin’ agent to you.” 
She stopped, hanging her head. She looked over to the flickering neon lights of the pharmacy, watching the outlines of the targets move around.
“I honestly have no idea if any of that made sense, or if I’m just rambling, I don’t fucking have the slightest idea what the fuck I’m even doing anymore.” Her voice got significantly more quiet, her sentences reduced to mumbles.
Aside from the target and his partners yelling at each other, it was so silent you could hear a pin drop.
His usually stern tone he took with the girl was softer now as he spoke, “You made perfect sense.”
She gave him a half smile before continuing, feeling oddly validated by his words. 
“But what I’m trying to say, Galahad, is that I’m a fucking human being. I have a life outside of this Godforsaken job, and-and emotions, too! I mean, I might even have kids that you don’t know about!”
He internally rolled his eyes, yet again fighting another urge, this time to smile widely at Y/n. Weird.
“Do you have kids I don’t know about-“
“Of course I don’t!”
They shared a short laugh as their words overlapped, harmonizing in a sweet way, their voices like thick and golden honey. Weird.
The two were then succumbed to a blanket of comfortable silence, but only for a short moment before the hushed whispers of Unwin’s voice were heard.
“D’you wanna know why?”
Y/n cocked her head, beckoning him to go on with whatever it was he was going to say. “Why what?”
“Why I only call you Lancelot, why I don’t let you call me Eggsy.”
She nodded, sitting down once more and tucking her leg under her chin in a manner that Eggsy found endearing and adorable. It distracted him slightly, but not long enough for his starry eyed staring to become creepy. Not that Y/n would have it in her capacity to ever think that of him, if she was being honest.
“If I start to think of you as ‘Y/n’, rather than Lancelot things get too real. If you hurt, o-or if you get kidnapped, or God forbid- die.” He momentarily paused, looking up to meet Y/n’s eyes.
“It would make it all too real. I can’t do that, Y/n. After what happened to Harry and then Roxy, and everyone else,” he shook his head, his expression showing him close to crying at the thought of what he was speaking of.
“I can’t lose you too.”
It was like her soul had become visibly lighter, feeling an unimaginable relief flood throughout her system at his proclamation. She was able to come down from her, so to say, “high” almost as soon as she had started it, placing her hands on his, using them as leverage to pull herself up.
“You can’t be so afraid, Galahad. You gotta, you know,” she shrugged, offering him a small smile.
“Live a little.” She moved to look down to meet his eyes where his head was suspended in shame, forcing him to look back up.
“And also, try not to let your fear turn you into a dick, which is by all means just a suggestion.” Y/n laughed at the last bit, smiling and glancing to the side slightly.
They both shared a second laugh together, and it seemed as if for a short while, time stopped. It was just the two of them, features illuminated by the pale moonlight. No target, no saving the world, nothing. Just them. 
So he reached forward, unsure if what he was doing was the right thing, just like always. The damn question of righteousness was engrained in his brain, restricting him like it did majority of the time. But for once, he decided to disregard it in it’s entirety.
So throwing all caution to the wind, unable to contain himself any longer, he closed the small gap left between the two, connecting their lips in a long awaited kiss.
One of his hands flew to the side of her face, the other wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer with a squeal. He laughed into the union, and she only smiled. One of her hands went to entangle itself with his on her waist, the other resting on his shoulder.
She could smell his cologne that he most definitely should not have been wearing per Kingsman on the job regulations, and welcomed the scent, doing her best to commit it to memory, a permanent reminder of what it felt like to be so close to the man.
After what seemed like a long time (but never long enough, honestly) they pulled away, panting for breath. Their foreheads rested on each other’s, the cool night air flowing around them, calming the pair completely.
Still struggling to catch his breath, Eggsy reached forward, taking both of her hands. He ran small circles over her knuckles in a way that made her heart flutter, before dropping them gently, reaching a hand out.
“Let's start over.”
She giggled and widely grinned, and he swore it was becoming his favorite thing in existence when she would do either of those wondrous things.
“Come on, put her there.” He shook his hand slightly making a silly face as well, widening his eyes and looking back and forth from his hand and her face. She placed it in his, proudly smirking as she did so. Their shiny rings clanged, which resulted in another small giggle errupting from her throat.
 He shook it back and forth, a sly smile painting itself on his lips. 
“Pleasure to meet you, Eggsy Unwin.”
She quirked an eyebrow, retracting her hand momentarily, letting it linger in the air.
“Eggsy, hmm? Bit of an odd name, don’t you think?”
He scoffed, placing his hand over his heart in false offense.
“Well if it’s so bad, what’s yours then?”
“Y/n Y/l/n.”
He looked to his feet momentarily, lifting his hands on either side of his head. “I digress, you win.”
She bit her bottom lip again, wincing as she hit the same spot from before. She ran her tongue over it, breathing out quickly.
“I’m not so sure. I think Eggsy is growing on me.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
They smiled at each other like lovesick teenagers, still lost within the moment.
And although the bubble of ignorant bliss they were in was something the two of them never wanted to leave, it was sadly inevitable that it would be popped at some point in time.
And almost like an alarm to wake them up from a beautiful dream, gunfire was able to be heard ringing throughout the building across the way.
They pulled apart with a groan coming from Y/n, and a “For fucks sake” from Eggsy. With displeasure lacing their expressions, they began to run towards the pharmacy when Y/n felt a hand tug at her wrist.
“Y/n wait!”
Her eyes widened as she looked at him as if he was a mad man, only slowing to a backwards jog. She gestured around her to the burst of red and orange explosions that were now going off around her, screaming “What?!”
He sprinted to catch up with her forcing her to come to a complete stop with a firm hold on her shoulders.
“Eggsy, come on! Lets go- Ah!”
He cut her off with a firm kiss, gripping the sides of her head, scrunching his fingers in her hair. She let a small moan slip out at the feeling, which he responded to by chuckling. He then pulled away, a shit eating grin written on his face. 
She stood in shock, unable to move from her place. He started running, turning over his shoulder.
“Come on, Y/n, keep up!”
Not focusing on where he was going, he tripped over himself, letting out a small yell of surprise. Y/n laughed loudly, going to chase after him with a miniscule shake of her head at his antics.
But nonetheless, the only thing going through Y/n’s mind during that situation that should have been horrifying, was that maybe she was wrong all this time.
Romance and espionage did go well together, especially when it was with Y/n and Eggsy.
♔♂♔
hello!!! so this was a multi-fandom account to begin with anyways so honestly i feel like i should start a seperate masterlist for “hj’s hyperfixations”. but yah this was my first fic for him and idk if i’ll do another but i hope u enjoyed this! also it’s my bday tomorrow (sept 7th) so this is a self indulgent fic. as a treat. ok love u bye!
xx hj
also avery asked me to tag her so @spideyspencer​ LMAO i’m so sorry for this mess.
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jamesvanriemsdyk · 3 years
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happy new year yall
i have a lot to say, not gonna lie. im not sure im going to get to say it all, but here goes.
ive met a ton of people on this site this year, and I love you all so much. if i forget someone, which i probably will, i'm sorry. i love you all the same. this might get stupid long because there have been a lot of days where i genuinely didnt think i would make it through this year, but i did! im proud of myself, and i love my friends so much for the support theyve given me, and so thats what this is, i guess.
@catboygretzky : alex, i love you so much. so, so much. i dont know how to put it into words. it seems impossible we havent been friends all our lives; it seems impossible that you live across an ocean. i love love love you.
@butchtysonbarrie @steadyfreddie : hi im so sorry im grouping you together but yall are associated with each other in my mind so do with that what u will. become friends, youd love each other. but what i really wanted to say to you both is that being your friend has made me feel so much more myself. youve both followed me for fucking ever, and you know me really fucking well (unfortunately to follow my tumblr is to submit urselves to the mortifying ordeal of knowing me, oops) and youve both just accepted me for who i am, no matter my name or pronouns or hyperfixation of the month, and i cant put into words how loved that makes me feel. i love you both so much, and im so glad this year gave us the gift of becoming friends.
@mathewtkachuk @winnipegpatty : hi. i fucking love the hbg, and i love talking to you guys. we’re all living very different lives, which youd think would be weird but it isnt. i love you both, and i feel so so lucky to have met you.
@couturriere : im still honestly kind of floored that you talk to me. youre intelligent and resourceful and kind and such a strong person and mother, and every time i talk to you, im more and more glad for your presence in my life. i absolutely adore you and your daughter, and i cant wait to have lunch with you :)
@wejusthangingouthere : my lovely jb anon. ur still my favorite anon ever, maybe, even though i know who you are. i absolutely fucking adore you, and i love watching you get into hockey, and i love your questions and your curiosity and the way you love this stupid sport. im so glad you sent me those asks and im so glad for the messages we’ve exchanged since.
@pencilhoarders : another lovely friend ive made through anon!! i love you so much. even when you feel like youve made a mistake, know that i still love you. you work so hard and i am so in awe of the talent you have because of it, and more than that, for your absolutely genius mind. youre incredible. i hope you always know that.
@akutaguwa : getting to know you in the back half of this year has been an absolute treat. you always make me laugh, and youre another person that just stuns me with how smart you are. i love and admire your strength, and i love your voice, too. we should read soon lmao
@girouxes : my lovely beautiful wife. i love you so much, yknow? im so proud of who you are, and im so excited to get to know more versions of you as time passes. i cant wait to marry you, honestly. its gonna be a fuckin blast.
@fuzzyeldritchhorror : it was really hard for me to write this, because i got really choked up and couldnt actually see the keyboard for a few minutes, because i love you so goddamn much. im home when im with you, and i never ever want to stop feeling that. its been a while because of this goddamn pandemic, but ill see you soon, yknow? i love you to the moon.
@pattersonluke : i dont know what to say. i never know what to say. itll probably come to me if i keep typing, but every time ive tried so far ive just like. cried. so here it is: i love you beyond words, beyond poems, beyond everything ive tried to write down and it just never seems to come out right. we lose our shit a lot over the fact that love is a choice, and it is, and ill keep choosing you every fucking day, even when i want to stop breathing, because the friendship and love and trust we have is just. so worth it to me. i feel so lucky to have had this year with you, and even luckier to know ill have the next one with you, too, and tons more after that. i love you to the moon and to saturn.
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bakatenshii · 3 years
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This is kind of a weird question but do u ever get scared when u write something and ask a friend to edit it bc they might be too nice and not give good critical feedback? Idk how to explain it but I love that the tumblr community is so nice and kind to each other, but it makes me wary to ask ppl to review my work cuz I feel like it sucks and ppl r just being nice?
not weird at all!! I absolutely feel that way, that sometimes people may just be too nice to say anything. I’ve written things I reread and hated but something @theygottheircages always tells me is that when we reread something we’ve written, we’re always connected to our mentality from when we wrote it. We can never truly have an unbiased experience reading over our works.
more rambling below, yall know the drill
For example, works I’ve stressed over and fussed over and forced out, when reread, all sound awkward and contrived to me. But that’s partially because I know how much I struggled writing it, if that makes sense. Readers, friends, etc, they’re all reading it for the first time as a blank slate, so they take in what you give them without any preconceived ideas of what to expect. It’s a lot more enjoyable to read something without the hypercritical lens you’d give yourself.
I know this isn’t answering your question exactly but I just wanted to put that out there— that you, as a writer, have spent so much time and effort stressing over your writing, fixating on every tiny detail, that when you’re reading it you’re looking for mistakes. You’re searching for faults within your own works because thats what we do as writers; we stress and hyperfixate and are extra critical on ourselves.
What I’m saying is you may think something you wrote is terrible when in fact it’s not; you’re just too hard on yourself. (And that’s okay! We should strive to be better & keep improving!! but sometimes cut yourself some slack ya know?)
And to answer your actual question omg sorry I took so long— I do feel that sometimes people are too scared to give you a real critical review because they’re too nice. But I have friends who know that, as hard as it is (for them as well), it’s more constructive for me as a writer to receive criticism.
It would start with something small like, hey this part was actually a lil confusing! maybe switch this around! or; hey this parts quite wordy, I think you can get away with cutting a bit of it out!
Small suggestions can build up the comfortability (??? thats not a word) towards not being too scared to hurt the other person’s feelings. I’m not sure if any of this is helpful/answers your question! But I definitely used to be really worried about it, and I still am.
General rule of thumb is if you’re not too familiar with someone they’ll be wary of giving you constructive criticism, and sometimes people’s personalities just don’t allow for them to do it. AHH I’m not sure how to end this whole preachy ramble so I uM I HOPE THIS SORTA HELPED AND ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION? and if u want! I can deffo give u (harshness of ur choice) constructive criticism if you ever want me to!!
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evilform · 3 years
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soup eater, Gimme the works (all of the)m
AUTISM ACTIVATED. ok fuck this is gonna be long. under the cut it goes
📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?
😔 i am an anime enjoyer sadly enough. theres also the manga but i havent read that SO im just gonna be focusing on the anime for this one. uhhh (digging through my brain) none of this is going to be worded intelligently im sorry give me a moment.
there are these kids and some of them can turn into weapons. actually theres just weapon people in general and thats like Normal. dont ask too many lore questions. and they uhhh the kids go to a high school called the DWMA (lit. demon weapon-meister academy) focused on keeping the balance between good and evil. i uhhhhh
The anime is based on the Soul Eater manga series by Atsushi Ohkubo. The plot of the episodes follows Maka Albarn, a "meister" of the Death Weapon Meister Academy (DWMA), and her living weapon, Soul Eater, as she seeks to make the latter into a "death scythe" through absorbing the souls of evil humans.
thanks wikipedia
📌  how did you find your hyperfixation?
uhhh if im not mistaken an old friend introduced me to it back in 2018!! (hi holly the chances of you reading this are slim but hi) and it recently bubbled back up into my brain. ive been here for 2 years :heart:
✨  what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?
i think that drew me towards it initially was the very halloweeny, early 2000s feel to it (and.. fair enough, it WAS made in 2008-2009 so its authentic) but what kept me reeled in was a lot of the themes and symbolism that i am waayy too tired to get into rn but i am just telling you bro this anime hits.. a little deep
and also canon nonbinary (even if shoddily translated at first) and psychotic characters win
🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?
i DO but i am keeping this spoiler free for you wife. these are all tearjerkers anyways so
🎶  if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?
just one? 🥺 honestly the anime’s entire OST goes hard as hell and its super hard picking favorites but here:
LOTUS JUICE - PSYCHEDELIC SOULJAM DJ SHINYA - NEVER LOSE MYSELF LOTUS JUICE - STEP UP
and this one isnt part of the ost butttt....
CHIAKI OMIGAWA/KOKI UCHIYAMA - SOUL EATER CHARACTER SONG (Soul&Maka) - MAUVE IRO NO SYMPATHY
💕  tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!
i could say crona and talk about their character development and how much i see myself in them and how we share the same trauma. or i could say maka and talk about HER character development and how i see myself in her in the sense of always trying to be good enough and pushing her limits to be strong and resilient in the face of everything. or i could say stein and go in depth about how hes written as a psychotic character while still not letting that define his entire being and how much i see myself in HIM. or i could talk about kid and liz and patti a
💔  tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.
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🏳‍🌈  do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?
lesbian maka, trans/intersex/nonbinary/lesbian crona, transmasc blackstar, nonbinary kid... literally all of these kids are neurodivergent (i see myself in them moment part 3845875)
🍀  do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation?
that’s a little personal don’tcha think?
all jokes aside i don’t think i “kin” but uhhhh. honestly most these characters are comfort characters to me. soul eater in general is comfort media
💎  are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?
*does a silly little dance* OHKAY!
none of the soul eater games (there were 3 of them) were ever released outside of japan
black☆star is voiced by women in both the jp and eng dubs
maka was chiaki omigawa’s first VA role
💢  what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?
this isnt anime specific and i am thinking heavily of the manga crona boobage weirdness but every time atsushi ohkubo writes something weird with these characters i feel like this image. it fills me with primal rage
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anyways thanks for listening this took me over an hour to write amd i kept bouncing around my room because i am so autistic and this series makes me so happy
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boogiepilgrim · 4 years
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Spread some happiness in the world 😊 💕💕
to be honest when u first sent me this i couldnt find much of a will to do it because today has been really shitty and im still pissed but oh well what can u do. so now im going to take this as an opportunity to ramble about some of the things that i love. also thanks for your kindness
may we begin with elton john. consistent source of happiness. inspiration. comfort. his music never fails 2 make me feel something. whether thats better, or sometimes you like to get a little bit melancholy with him because sad songs really do.. say so much. and either way, it's good. but also just him as a person; his words, knowing hes out there and doing his thing, it makes me really . content? i dont know. i love him. and as axl rose once so eloquently said the knowledge of things he (elton) has been thru has and will always help myself get thru things each and every day, too. like i could be crying and wanting to drop dead but stick on a tune of his and i WILL nod my head & sing along. i finally had enough money of my own to buy tickets to see him in 2018, was meant to be seeing him in november of this year, but i doubt itll be happening. which is understandable but it's still... depressing. gotta hold out hope tho. listening to all that im allowed by him n may i just add, again, his music is insanely good. his voice too goddd. relatable. MOVING. underrated, honestly. because a lot of people tend to see him as like a gimmick almost these days: like lol he wear de funnie glasses. cwockodile wock. rather than ..... the amazing evergreen talent that he is. anyway. im thankful for him
second: music in general + other artists i admire most in music ? all of my faves have different powers lol and effects on me? like . you know theres a certain mood that only elton john can be a counterpart to. theres certain feelings where all i wanna hear is michael jackson, another for guns n roses, another for t rex, or queen. you know? and each of them evoke like such core, nostalgic associations and feelings. but i also love listening to new music (not necessarily NEW all the time, but just new to me) it's cosy. i love songs and how they make you feel. i love music's power. another reason i vibe with elton so much, cause he Gets that feeling and i love that
third: learning new things. i love watching documentaries/videos on things i havent got a huge interest in just so i can know about it. and i love seeing other people's perspectives. i love hearing people ramble about stuff theyre passionate about or love. i love watching content about stuff i DO love just so i can know more.
four: on a similar note. people? i love that we're all the same and we're all just trying to figure it out. nobody knows what the hell we're doing here, not really. and i love that. it's kinda daunting on one hand but it also gives me the same feeling of when u were on a class trip in primary school and you felt like a little family. i love that we are genuinely all little weird self-aware apes that have so much empathy and we're like . living and feelin and existing and being. think about that a lot
five: i loved the sense of community that i used 2 feel on here. i first came to tumblr as a classic rock/primarily axl rose blog back in ye olde times of 2013 or so. lol. still rock out to them, still one of my all time fave, go-to bands but anyway.. and it was so much fun. i dont talk really on my main blog and any time i do these days all my old mutuals r like non-existent or dont vibe with the same things anymore and thats fine but it makes it so like. it's not the same. which is why i made this blog to dump all my super-permanently-hyperfixed / i have a crush on elton john im so sorry ass shit on so i wont be annoying. but like. on top of that a lot of you guys are very sweet and it kinda feels like it did when i was 15 in this part of tumblr and i luv that truly, so i tend to also gravitate here when im lookin that
,🧡🧡
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batlegacy · 4 years
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Social distancing tag
tagged by @lorceone ,thank you:)
Are you staying home from work/school?
Yes,I do.If I really wanna call it studying whatever im trying to do,then yes,im studying at home.Its the worst part about it,i could do this staying home thing for years,the only thing im worried about is studying.I havent actually joined any of my online classes yet,and even tho i have a reason for not joining them all and some of them i just watch as videos later, i feel like this is gonna end bad..at least i have that one person at uni who helps me survive,or like we’re helping eachother to survive but if i was more social i would just be in one of those group chats where people just ‘illegally’ send all the exam stuff in,so that everybody already knows everything about their next exams,while we’re doing random videochats to do our exams together with this guy..better than nothing but..i blame myself more for my social anxiety since im studying from home..its kind of funny how i feel like social distancing requires more social skills than normal studying..
If you’re staying home, who is with you?
my family.my mother,my dad and my older brother.
Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?
myself.sounds bad but being alone would be fucking nice now...i love my family but ive spent a month with them..i wasnt alone for a minute in the last 4 weeks..or 3..i dont even know...its weird how everybodys going crazy cuz they feel alone in quarantine while i want it to end so that i can finally be alone...and its just frustrating...im used to hearing my dad yelling and swearing but now i hear my mom yelling too and also i hear my brother swearing all the damn time..im the only one in the family who holds in the stress when sth goes wrong and maybe thats the reason i cant stand hearing peoples yelling all the time..it really fucking stresses my out..
Are you a homebody?
i am but i kinda hate that im forced to stay inside..i would probably not go out any more if it wasnt lockdown,but i need the feeling that i could...its like when you were a kid and you got that random burst of motivation that you are now gonna do all your homework and study and its gonna be awesome and then your mom came into your room and told you that you cant do anything until you did your homework and then you felt like ‘well fuck it then...doing my homework suddenly became the last thing i wanna do...’
An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?
Harry Styles concert :( It broke my heart...
What movies have you recently watched?
im doing a marathon on everything that includes Hugh Laurie cuz i guess i ran out of new hyperfixations and i got back to the ones i had as a 12 year old..so i just watched Stuart Little again and im planning to watch every weird movie he took part in..
What shows are you watching?
i watched supernatural but they are on a hiatus as well as every celebrity i love,i started watching Zoe’s extraordinary playlist and im so in love with it,im rewatching House(thats where the whole hyperfixation started lol),and i started watching Chance...for obvious reasons..
What music are you listening to?
i find myself listening to a lot of 80′,90′s playlists on spotify and for some reason i always do a playlist for my current hyperfixations so im listening to those as well..but im listening to everything,literally..blues/piano stuff when im coding cuz its chill enough,death metal when my family fucks me up with the yelling,a lot of one direction(did anybody use these words in the same sentence before me?),80′s/90′s hits when im drawing...todays pop when im curious..if theres any music genre im uncultured at its todays pop music...im not proud of it...and a lot of weird hungarian quarantine playlists they are the worst...
What are you reading?
i got a book from my mom like two months ago about how to be a functional introvert,i read that when i cant sleeep...so quite often..
What are you doing for self care?
im not sure i know what self care is...i sometimes work out..but besides that...i dont know how to take care of myself...i do what i have to and i listen to music,draw and watch tv shows for my own entertainment...
and this time im gonna try to tag some people soo: @h-bea92 , @wannabe-loser , @sammyimpala-67 , @youreabadliar ,  @danisalutations
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paig · 5 years
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Album Analysis: Neotheater
neotheater is possibly one of my favorite albums of all time. i love the way the album opens and closes, it really reminds me of a show and almost like an overture while also being a unique song. the sentimental value each song obviously holds made me want to cry and smile at the same time. in my opinion, the click’s theme or message was about balancing what you want to be and what other people want you to be, and i think that this album is about the ‘human experience’ and things everyone goes through but never talks about (like the Peter Pan factor, which is explained later). I loved the messages of 100 Bad Days and Birthday Party when they dropped, and Dear Winter brought me to tears.
But it’s always better to go in order, so starting from the beginning, Next Up Forever: wanting to never actually peak because then it means you’re never going to be better/or as good as you were at one point or another. this song also pushes into motion the Peter Pan factor that reoccurs throughout the album, not wanting to grow up. but then the flip side shown in the song is not wanting to be left behind. “I know i have to grow up sometime, but i don’t think im ready yet” is the line that really drove it home for me. This song is also musically beautiful and i love love LOVE the chorus.
Next, Birthday Party: Firstly, i love the transition between the songs. i also love the little “wow”s! This song also captures the ‘human experience’ in my opinion because it mentions thoughts everyone has, but doesn’t ever really say out loud (with a few exceptions). Not to mention the upbeat music that for me represented the outlook that the song has, even if it is in a sarcastic way.
My personal favorite to get hype to, 100 Bad Days: this one i feel contributes the most to the theme of ‘the human experience’. the song is about surviving what hurts, and becoming more interesting because of it. it also talks about coping with failure and everything going wrong, which is something that everyone ever can relate to. “i aint scared of you no more” is such a powerful line, saying ‘hey yknow what? im not going to let this keep me down’ which is also something everyone can relate to. This song holds a special place in my heart because it has helped me through a lot even though it hasn’t been out for very long.
Don’t Throw Out My Legos: holy. crap. i heard this song first when i listened to clips from people on The Click tour, but hearing it produced and really complete is an entirely different experience. This song contributes to ‘the human experience’ because it’s about being stuck in this feedback loop of having to let go but not being able to. it also represents a first step to me, because moving out but not moving on is the first step towards being really independent. this song may have the most peter pan feel to it of all!
Break My Face: the way this song starts is my favorite thing ever omg. this song is kinda like realism, cause it gives the pros and cons to every situation in an unbiased way, but also makes a little joke out of it. human experience shows in this one through how it almost sounds tired of life’s crap. “life gives you lemons, at least it gave you something” is an iconic line, and the little callback to Birthday Party with “everything is going great” is super sneaky cause it sounds perfect.
Turning Out Pt.ii: wow. this song is really raw, and it honestly makes me feel so aware of everything. the universal shared experience of being in love with the idea of someone is already near heartbreaking, but then the way it is compared to growing up and, well, turning out and loving how you turn out really drives it home. not being able to actually tell someone and instead having to indirectly imply it is also something people can relate to.
The Entertainment’s Here: if someone were to ask me what song i feel embodies who i am, it would be this song. the alarm part really called me out to be honest. being someone who hyperfixates on things alot, this song is about being bored and starting to think about things way too much and getting bored but then content (in this case, entertainment) is available and i use it as a distraction. “you don’t even gotta use your brain from here” is the most hard hitting line for me. this song embodies the human experience, because it’s about needing to be distracted constantly which is how life is now.
Karma: This song is just.... beautiful. i love how the song is from the point of view of someone at a therapy appointment, because that is something alot of people will be able to latch on to and feel really close to home. another thing people will relate to is doing your best for as long as you can, but not getting any good karma in return and getting gradually frustrated. The callback to 100 Bad Days really hit hard, because it ties the songs together. One, about pushing through everything life throws at you, and the other, about being wound so tightly and straining from said pushing through and never getting a break. The outro of the song is another thing that is going to resonate with so many people. “the universe works in mysterious ways but im starting to think its not working for me” is the summary of it.
Beats: This song reminds me of Im Not Famous, cause it’s about the moral argument of selling out/not selling out. this song is very human to me because it has the recurring theme of being afraid of being forgotten/left behind/fading away. It also gives me Come Hang Out vibes cause of the end.
Wow, Im Not Crazy: This is another song that i think its the epitome of the ‘human experience’ because hearing someone else confirm that youre not alone in something you think is weird about yourself is such an amazing feeling that i feel was captured perfectly in this song. the tone is perfectly reflective of the feeling you get when you hear someone say something you’ve been thinking about forever.
Dear Winter: I have almost no words for this song. The first time i heard this song, i was having a really bad day, some of friends were out together without me, but i watched the video and listened to the song on repeat and things were a little better. The idea of planning your life and skipping over certain parts you can’t actually plan is so relatable, and i think that it says alot about us as humans. It’s in our heads from the beginning that we have to have a plan and we have to know what to do, but sometimes thats impossible and we can’t, so we don’t, and we hope instead. and i think this song reflects that beautifully.
Finale (I Cant Wait To See What You Do Next): The way this song echoes the first track but is still it’s own song is so beautiful. I also love how both songs are reminiscent of old movies or old shows that you would go and see in a theater, but theyre still new (hence neotheater!!!) “They wanted heaven from me, i gave them hell” is so powerful on it’s own, because it is about expectations piling up and just exploding and throwing them off. this song really does a good job of communicating that message. There’s also that little feeling of being behind and overwhelmed after such intense expectations that the song does a perfect job of putting into words and music. It also brings a little of the Peter Pan factor back, talking about not wanting to be forgotten or left behind. being welcomed to the neotheater at the beginning and the end was my favorite little detail in this album.
Overall, this album is an emotional rollercoaster. there are songs that make you think “hey, how did you get into my head?” Theres songs that you listen to get pumped up, songs you listen to to cry, songs you listen to to smile, and much much more inbetween. Overall, this album is about the Human Experience and the things we don’t talk about but always think. Congratulations on your bit of success! welcome to the neotheater, we can’t wait to see what you do next.
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aunclesquishy · 5 years
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I try not to vent on my blog so much nowadays but I feel like I need to put these thoughts somewhere altho this gets rly long and rambly
sometimes I feel like I let my Hyperfixations™️ become my Personality™️, which sucks bc like—and this next bit is gonna come out wrong bc I’ve retyped it several times—
I became obsessed w sex and my sexuality etc after getting The Talk bc I was so goddamn terrified and confused that I couldn’t stop thinking abt it (which I looking back I think is attributed to my ocd etc), and I spent my adolescence doing research etc in a ‘know thy enemy’ kinda way
and then once I more or less figured out my asexuality I still obsessed over it bc I was so relieved (and arguably still do but out of a mix of pride and insecurity), same goes for my previously crippling fear of intimacy—id been so averse to it basically forever (idk why), and simultaneously (tho unrelated) struggled w self-esteem/anxiety/depression, and once I overcame p much the biggest fear I had ever had, my confidence shot up and I guess I’ve been riding that high ever since (and I’m going back and forth between ‘yeah I did it I’m amazing’ and ‘jeez chill out it’s nbd’)
not to mention I got rly into Discourse™️ and that fucked up my sense of Idenity/Pride and ever since I’ve been trying to overcompensate and that’s why I always feel weird abt going to pride, at least beforehand, bc I feel like it’s just one more way for me to like... perform queerness? like ‘ofc I’m #queer, look at me, I go to pride, I’m on tumblr, I have The Look™️’ and now it’s hard to tell to tell what comes from pride and what comes from insecurity
and the unnerving thing is once I started taking Zoloft for intrusive thoughts of death etc, the thoughts abt sex etc went down too, so that... says smth, I think (like it was def intrusive thoughts as a teen so I was surprised it’d go down w meds even after I got over the fear)
and tumblr is basically pride month every month so it’s hard to be like ‘k break time’
plus also as I’ve been trying to improve my Spanish, working in a mostly Hispanic community w mostly Hispanic coworkers, plus like idk, being out in the world and being aware of shit? and having grown up p sheltered in a mostly white/liberal (~I don’t see color~ vibes) environment in the 90s/00s (or maybe it’s just bc I was a kid/teen) it’s weird how different things are and how... aware of everything u have to b? (and I know this sounds like ‘u can’t say anything anymore w/out offending someone’ but it’s not quite what I mean...? Like I mentioned before, this is gonna poorly-worded) I’m not saying things were better before, just that overall at least growing up p privileged things were more... neutral? (again, I was a p sheltered kid so I was also just plain unaware) (this is v hard to explain and this post is hella long so whatevs)
I feel like every time I’m like ‘hey let’s get tacos’ or reblog a queer meme or reblog smth abt social justice anything that it comes from a place of ‘HEY DID YOU FORGET IM QUEER AND MEXICAN? CAUSE I AM, LOOK HOW QUEER AND MEXICAN I AM IN CASE YOU FORGOT BC THATS ME, IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS, THATS ALL THERE IS TO ME’
and I think it somewhat stems from adhd hyperfocus and ocd obsession and whatever the fuck else and abt other ppl but it rly annoys me
then again I’m not super abt my gender/sexuality to most ppl but boy howdy will I jump at the chance to talk abt it bc I love talking abt myself (which is also why if I’m not careful I’ll use my friends as therapists)
on top of that add how easy/comfortable it is for me to sink into like, making myself a victim and/or craving validation, so it makes sense that I would post smth like this for validity points
TLDR: I’m a big coward and def overthinking this and I need to get over myself bc I’m rly annoying myself
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