#i also have to look for a therapist for a top surgery letter and i know this will suck especially because therapists are always fully booked | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mxjackparker · 7 days

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With all the propaganda and rhetoric against top surgery that "Gender Criticals" and general transphobes are spreading, here's some info on what top surgery was actually like for me, from surgery all through the healing process! (This post will include some images of drains and a little blood!)

I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria (which is necessary in the UK for surgery) around May 2020 and started testosterone February 2021, all through GenderCare. I got a letter from the gender therapist and a surgery referral from GenderGP and consulted with my surgeon then booked surgery for 14th Feb 2022.

I had to travel all the way to Manchester, on a coach that took many hours, and book a hotel. I raised surgery money via GoFundMe because despite being referred to (now closing) Tavistock GIC in early 2020, my appointment to even be assessed wouldn't have been for over 5 years.

I had a double incision top surgery (double mastectomy) on February 14th 2022 as scheduled! I woke up in a fairly minor amount of pain, still on painkillers from the surgery, with drains. As you can see, I was also so happy that probably made it hurt less!

My top surgery took a few hours. Pre-surgery, my chest size was a 32 H. That's a lot of tissue to be removing, and so I did end up with drains for the first 48 hours after surgery, though drains aren't used as broadly in the UK anymore and not by default.

I was discharged from the hospital the morning after my surgery (some people go home the day of, but I pre-arranged to stay overnight). I took no painkillers after surgery at any point during healing. I was up and walking around from the moment I left!

If you take painkillers, that may make you more fatigued and/or constipated, so those things are totally normal. If you need painkillers, you should absolutely take them - it's not a point of pride to suffer more than you need to. I didn't take any painkillers because I have a history of addiction to them. However, I found the pain entirely tolerable even despite the lack of medication.

The evening after I was released from the hospital, I was pacing my hotel room carrying my drains! Moving promotes healing and prevents blood clots. I was very hunched!

Directly after surgery I got to briefly see my chest, but not for long given that I needed to have the compression vest on! I didn't have too much swelling, so I could see what my chest actually looked like and was so excited. Once I got my drains out, I got to see it for longer!

The pain post-surgery was manageable. I had to bend forwards a little when walking so as not to pull on my stitches and make it hurt more, but I never took any painkillers and the pain was never intense enough to make me feel compelled to. I kept wearing my compression vest!

The drains were honestly the most painful part of the experience for me, and once they were out the most pain I felt was from my back from walking hunched forward. I wore the compression vest on and off for 2 weeks then abandoned it completely, because I had such little swelling.

3 weeks after surgery, I got my dressings off (except nipples). I could see the full scar. I told my surgeon I wanted scars that were mostly straight, and that combined with the size of my chest meant the scars needed to meet in the middle in a little triangle.

Everyone's scar shape is different, and you should talk to your surgeon about what you want. I didn't want semi-circle shape scars, because I wanted the scar to follow my pectorals so I'd have the option in the long-term of fading/medical tattooing and mostly hiding the scar.

3 weeks after top surgery, I was well-healed enough that I went into London for the Sex Work Strike and did a speech there! I was well-recovered by this point, though still fatigued. (A link to my speech if you're interested.)

Around a month, I took off the nipple dressing as instructed by my post-op nurse, and one was healed enough for no dressing but the other took about another week to be as healed. Healing isn't perfectly symmetrical.

Once all of my dressings were off and I was able to probably clean my nipples and scars, I got to see the full result of my chest. This is the thinnest my scars ever were, because they hadn't developed as scars yet - they were healed shut but weren't done scarring.

Once I was past a month of healing, all of the physical effects of top surgery had dissipated. I was no longer fatigued, my scars didn't hurt (though they did itch!), and I was in the secondary healing phase. My chest below the top of the nipple had minimal sensation.

I got phantom sensations, like water being poured over my chest, as the nerves reconnected. It wasn't painful, but it was weird! By month 2, I regained full sensation in most of my chest, with very little sensation on the scar and the skin directly between it and my nipples.

I have pretty much full sensation (including erotic sensation) in my nipples now. It's important to note: double incision almost always results in some loss of sensation, especially in the nipples. I'd have been fine with that, and this was an extra bonus for me!

This is my chest and scars 8 months after surgery.

And this is my chest now, just over 2 years after top surgery:

I'm very happy with how it looks, with how it feels, and I have zero regrets!

#trans man #ftm #trans men #nonbinary #top surgery #transmasc #transmasculine #transgender #lgbtq+#trans

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gatheringbones · 1 year

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[“I never felt like I was born in the wrong body,” he says, referring to the dominant medical discourse, though he hated looking in the mirror and says he “felt extreme discomfort” with the body he had. Lucas has been binding his chest for two years using a compression sports bra, always a little too tight, usually followed by a T-shirt and a man’s shirt. He does so for safety, because he sometimes goes to rural Putnam County: “very small, really Southern places,” doing HIV education. “If they knew I was queer, let alone trans, I would probably be killed, so I kind of have to keep all of that very much on the ‘down low’ when I’m doing work out in the community.” But to his co-workers he is “very, very out.” For Lucas, undergoing top surgery is an assertion of what some feminists call bodily autonomy. Pro-choice activists argue that the government has no right to tell women what to do with their body; transgender activists say that they have the right to change their body if they please.

Lucas is at the surgeon’s office with Oliver, a former boyfriend who is also a bearded trans man; and Rachel, a bisexual Latina, his “soul mate and sister.” Lucas says he has “always known” he wanted top surgery,” even before he began injecting testosterone. A few friends in Gainesville who had undergone surgery with Dr. Garramone became mentors to younger trans people in town like Lucas, directing them to friendly therapists and doctors, and helping them get letters for testosterone. Having crowdfunded the $7,000 he needed for top surgery, Lucas is giving away $500 to charity.

And then there is Nadia, a twenty-eight-year-old from St. Louis who works as an employment coach at a nonprofit agency. The odd girl out, she is having her chest masculinized, but not as part of a gender transition. As a how-to book suggests, top surgery is “not just for those transitioning from female to male” but also for others on the gender spectrum, including “gender non-conforming, gender fluid, bi-gender, butch, and so on.” Nadia feels some camaraderie with trans men undergoing top surgery and considers herself “near the trans community, but not in it.” She has short brown hair, bushy eyebrows, and olive skin, and she is wearing large horn-rimmed glasses, a men’s shirt, and hip-hugging straight-leg jeans that look baggy on her slender frame.

When Nadia was twenty-one, her breasts suddenly grew to about a 32C. “They just went boom,” she says, and she told me they felt outsized for her small frame. At certain points in her monthly cycle, when they bloomed even more, she couldn’t even bring herself to get dressed. She felt more comfortable in an androgynous style, wore men’s clothing, and hated the way her buxom bosom made her clothes fit. And she loathes having them touched. She identifies as female and has no interest in taking testosterone, but she sees her breasts as an impediment, a part of her body that does not reflect how she sees herself. Nadia’s queer circle includes trans friends with whom she shares a deep sense of alienation from standard-issue notions of femaleness. She is here with her girlfriend, Flora, an art student whom she met on OkCupid four years ago; the two were drawn together by their mutual interest in art, politics, and graphic novels.

Nadia upends conventional notions of what women should look like and how they should be. She’ll remain female, but she shares with the others here today the belief that their breasts don’t fit and that by changing their bodies they can become more comfortable in their skin and more successful in their lives.”]

arlene stein, from unbound: transgender men and the remaking of identity, 2018

#arlene stein #currently reading #gender stuff #lesbian literature

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bugbuoyx · 8 months

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Hi, you said you were open to any top surgery question so here i go with a weird one : based on your expérience do you think it's doable to travel alone by bus or train with you know a bag and all like 2/3 days post surgery ? (I'll ask my surgeon anyway when i'll see/choose them dw) but basically my problem is that there aren't a lot of surgeons in my country who are ok with performing surgery without a letter from a therapist and i don't want to see one (bad previous expériences) so it let me with a list of 4 surgeons in the whole country and none are near and while i'll be able to not live alone for the recovery i don't think any member of my transphobic family will be ok with driving minimum 4/5 hours to come get me after surgery...... so if you answer that's literaly impossible i'll have to consider that too and already start saving for a driver or find a squat i can stay in until i recovered enough or something 😅

From my experience, absolutely not. Especially directly after the surgery you are just fucked up. I vaguely remember being helped into a wheelchair and then into my friends car but I actually don't remember getting out of the car and into bed lol. I also spent the next 3 days mostly sleeping. The med cocktail they give you just makes it extremely dangerous to be in a vulnerable position on your own, such as a bus and like genuinely a stiff wind could blow you over. I remember we went to a bookstore and I just waddled around lol. After about a week you'll be much better but there is a reason why they recommend 3 weeks minimum before you do anything.

The only advice I can give is to look and see if you can find a therapist who is willing to write you a letter for the surgery. It may be different in other places but here in the US it is possible to find therapists who only require a single appointment and that is just to get your name and info to put into the letter. You can try asking around, the worst they can say is no (which sucks) but if you do it through email you can just delete it and pretend it never happened so yknow.

Also I do not have experience with this as I was able to stay with my best friend, but if you can find LGBT+ groups in the area you plan to be in, there may be someone willing to help you! I recall a story where someone was cared for by a lesbian couple they didn't really know. Just be careful and vet whoever you find. Again, you will be *very* vulnerable especially the first few days.

#transmasc #top surgery #i know this isnt the answer you wanted im sorry #its so stressful trying to get everything together for surgery my biggest issue was also getting a ride esp since i cant drive #luckily my best friend has her gay drivers license #but seriously i could barely even move my arms for like a week especially my upper arms + shoulders #danvice #lol forgot my advice tag #also if anyone else has advice for anon please chime in!!

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honeybeeofficial · 1 month

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Hey, Ezra! It's Rose from the ue olde YWP nano group. So I've recently decided to get top surgery to alleviate my dysphoria, but I don't know where to start. What were the first steps you took to get the care you needed?

Hi Rose!! How are you?

I think one of the first things I did was just join the r/topsurgery subreddit and start reading through posts and comments on there to work on desensitizing myself to the medical anxiety/squeamishness I’d been feeling. (This is totally not an issue for everyone but before I started looking, I couldn’t read about the details of the procedure or recovery without tons of anxiety and revulsion even though it was definitely something I wanted, and reading other people’s accounts and (cautiously) looking at recovery pictures helped.) This can also help you get a sense of what type of results are possible, and what type of results you personally want.

At around the same time, I started researching top surgeons in my area. You can look for recommendations on reddit, or google “gender affirming surgery [state]” or any combination of relevant terms. You’re looking for plastic surgeons, ideally ones with top surgery explicitly mentioned on their practice’s website.

As you find some surgeons near you, check for reviews and results online– lots of people post about their experience with specific surgeons on reddit and on transbucket.com. (You have to make an account for transbucket.)

Once I found a couple of surgeons I felt I’d be happy with, I called around to their offices to schedule consultations. I just said “Hi, I want to schedule a consultation for top surgery/mastectomy with [surgeon]?” and the receptionists took it from there! God bless our troops (kind receptionists who know what to do when nervous dweebs call them)

At some point, you will likely need a support letter from a therapist or psychiatrist. If you already have a therapist, start talking with them about your goals and bring up the need for a letter! If you don’t, look into either starting to see a therapist or services that will help you get your letter. Most insurances require the letter in order to preapprove the procedure, and my surgeon required that I get the letter –> preapproval before they would schedule me for a surgery date.

I can say plenty more about my experience but I don’t want to overwhelm you haha 😅 but please feel free to ask questions!! I am more than happy to talk about it (and am no longer squeamish about it! no question too TMI)

#lamppost #question trembley iii

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wyrdify · 9 months

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This is not at anyone here. This is at the U.S. healthcare system, particularly as it relates to neurodivergent trans people. Rant below the cut.

So, back in April, I asked my med manager for a referral to get evaluated for autism. Said med manager does not do it herself since she doesn't do diagnoses, and neither does the facility she works at, so she referred me out. I was then told that the place will be in touch with me to get me scheduled, and this may take up to 6-12 months as they have a waiting list. But, I can check on that referral at any time by calling them. Cool.

More background information: I started taking Effexor more than a month ago (probably close to two months now) since Zoloft, my old anti-depressant, wasn't really working. I noticed that, on the 75 mg dose of Effexor, I sometimes experienced brain fog, muscle weakness, and other things I associated with my seizures. Effexor worked, but I felt it was also lowering my seizure threshold. Med manager, who prescribed the Effexor, told me to contact my neurologist about it since my neurologist handles my epilepsy. Fine. No problem. That usually isn't an issue.

I couldn't reach my neurologist. I called her office at least twice and had her medical assistant call me back, who promised me my neurologist would call me back. That never happened. So, I tried another method, which was MyChart. I sent a message to my neurologist there on July 6, and I never heard back. Nothing. I don't see her until the end of November, so now I need to try and basically move up my appointment just to get a basic question about a prescription answered. I schedule my appointments with her a year in advance, so I don't know how much luck I'll have there.

So, that's one fail of the U.S. Healthcare system. Let's move on to what happened yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I meet with my med manager to go over a few things. I bring a list with me because not only has it been about a month since I last saw her, but I wanted to get the ball rolling on a couple other things. I wanted to see if an evaluation for ADHD was separate from the one I was getting for autism, and I wanted to get a referral letter for top surgery. For those who've known me for a while, you've known I've lived with gender dysphoria since 2016-17. It's been a long time. I want to get that started now and not keep waiting around.

What she ended up telling me: an ADHD eval is part of the autism one I'm going to have since it's a full neuropsych eval. Okay, that makes sense. Cool. I move on to the next subject: top surgery. She tells me to go to a place in the city to talk to them about surgery. They don't do anything with top surgery. Yes, they do gender affirming healthcare, but I was specifically asking for a referral letter. I looked into what I needed for top surgery in my state before this appointment (not directly before, but days before). I need at least one letter from a mental health provider for it. Why did my med manager refer me to somewhere that doesn't do that and will likely just tell me to go back to her?

She said that she or my therapist, who works in the same facility, could write the letter, but still. STILL. She sent me to another place first. I am a trans person who doesn't need hormone therapy. I need top surgery. My gender dysphoria is well documented in their system. I checked. It became abundantly clear to me in that moment that she doesn't have many trans patients. At all. That facility in general probably doesn't considering the last med manager I had there was transphobic. Anyway.

Today: I called this morning to check on the status of my referral for the neuropsych eval. It turns out that they couldn't accept my referral because they don't have a specialist, so they sent it back for my PCP to handle (same facility as my med manager and my therapist). My med manager didn't see this at all. I'm not even sure she was looking at my chart to be honest. If she did, maybe she would've saw this and said, "Oh, I need to refer you to somewhere else or have your PCP do it." But no, I get to be back at square fucking one again. Because I couldn't ask my med manager to get that referral for a neuropsych exam. I had to go through my PCP to do it. Make it make sense.

I am so goddamn frustrated with this system. I'm just trying to take care of my health and be somewhat proactive about it, but I fucking can't. At this point, I don't know what to do. I might leave this facility all together and start over with a new PCP, new therapist, and new med manager. But, then I run the risk of not being in therapy for months, not seeing a med manager for months to a year, and not seeing a PCP for months to a year as well. And I'm in the middle of a med change too. Not only that, but I don't want to be a difficult patient or someone who just quits doctors or places willy-nilly. This is my third med manager, fourth therapist, and fourth PCP since I moved here nearly 10 years ago.

I don't know what to do. What the hell do I do? I want to cry, scream, rage. I hate this healthcare system so much.

#thewriter; post #tbd #long post tw #negative tw #medical tw #doctors tw #healthcare tw

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alienpupy · 11 months

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About your top surgery:

Firstly, though, hoi! I'd like to say that I am happy for you, but I don't really feel happiness. Just nothing. But I am proud of you that you got the top surgery and seem very happy about it.

And going through your posts about it, I realize that I want top surgery, too. But I'm also genuinely afraid of the post-surgery time. And this makes me wonder, were you nervous or anxious before the surgery? (Also, apologies for the rambles and for not feeling the happiness for you)

no worries im happy to talk abt it :] i was anxious in the weeks and days coming up to the surgery, yea, but it was more anxiety abt stuff around the surgery than the procedure itself (like, ik several people who got top surgery at the same clinic and everything n they're super reputable so i wasnt worried about the medical aspect, just the preparations + i had to move appartments 10 days before the surgery + had to pack up AGAIN bc im actually staying with my parents for a month or two bc you absolutely need ppl to assist you with stuff during early recovery)

the closest thing to anxiety abt the actual surgery i had was one time a few weeks before it i was like "wait. what if i don't actually want this what if this is a mistake" and then to test it i put a bra and tshirt on and realized yeah no absolutely not thats just pointless self-doubt and i still hate these

it was rlly surreal tho if im being honest? idk if its even fully hit me that this was real and actually happened. I've wanted top surgery since i was like 13 but obv for most of that it felt like it was really distant in the future, and yet now that im flat it just feels. normal? like im still super early recovery so i havent actually seen my chest w/o the bandages yet but still just looking in the mirror with the bandages flat on my chest it just looks natural to me. its been less than a week and im already forgetting what it was like to have tits lmao (altho to be fair i've been binding for years so its not like they were ever a huge part of my life, just a major inconvenience)

and post-surgery really isnt that bad. i've complained about the weird nerve stuff, yea, but that does clear up eventually (altho ik it usually take years for the nerves to fully 100% heal, they're the slowest thing to regenerate). I've had basically zero pain, but i was still prescribed pain meds to take if i need them and given a lot of advice for healing as best as possible. the most important thing is definitely to have someone (or multiple people) be able to take time off to help you with everything (like, from food to drains to making sure you're comfortable and checking on you, you're not supposed to move your arms a lot or lift anything heavy for the first 6-ish weeks).

Post-op depression can be a thing for a lot of people too, but it hasnt hit me (at least not yet) and it can be avoided/mitigated by making sure you're not alone. having friends over, or calling people, making sure you still have games or movies or art to keep u occupied helps a ton.

also i dont think i've said it here before but i got top surgery at GRC montreal, and gender-affirming surgeries are covered by the government here in canada. I sent my paperwork/referral stuff there in may of last year, and it took them a couple months for each stage of processing but they gave me my surgery date (june 7th) a couple of months before, so (not counting the time to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis + letters from doctors and therapists and junk) i only had to wait about a year.

#sorry for the rambly answer dhshjfhsd #i hope it was helpful?? feel free to ask more tho i like talking abt it #green-cryptid-text #top surgery

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arb0k · 1 year

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As someone who is traveling states next week to meet doctors for the possibility of top surgery, may I ask what the process has been like for you? If this is too personal of an ask please feel free to ignore, of course.

not too personal at all, I enjoy talking about it! Interesting information to have archived too.

!Overall time between getting a referral to the clinic from my GP and the actual surgery date was one year. Waited about 7.5 months between making an appointment and the day of the consultation, and 4.5 months from the consultation to the day of the surgery. (They actually offered to move my surgery up by a significant amount because they hada cancellation, I turnedthem down because I didn't want to have to deal with recovery and grad school at the same time.)

The consultation is mostly about picking what exact procedure you're going for, keyhole double incision etc. Mine was super uneventful because I had DDs lmao, I walked in and said "I promise I am too big for anything other than double incision" and he took one look at me and was like "yeah". It was over pretty quick. I'd say if you have any questions you want to ask them you should write them all down in advance, I tend to come up blank when put on the spot. Mine provided before/after photos when asked but didn't offer unprompted, so if you want those be sure to put that on the list.

also it does involve being naked from the waist up and poked and squeezed. The surgeon really does need to know, but I was anxious and in a hell of a mood the rest of the day afterwards so maybe don't plan on anything too mentally draining. (Nature of the curse, pre-op for dysphoria surgeries is just kinda hell for people with dysphoria specifically).

You will need a therapist letter if you don't already have one, any surgeon worth a shit follows the WPATH guidelines which you can look up in advance (they're all publically available on the WPATH site). Even if they don't, it's mandatory for all the major American insurance companies. It isn't urgent until closer to your surgery date tho, so don't stress too much if you don't have one this second or they reject it the first time for wording issues. The requirements for top surgery are a lot more lax than the bottom surgery ones, at least!

Also make sure you ask them if they've worked with your insurance company before. I lucked out in that my surgeon is contracted with my insurance company specifically, so they already knew all the requirements and got all my pre-auths to go through first try. They were a much better resource than the insurance website itself (depends on what you've got obviously but mine in particular has zero gender dysphoria requirements in writing and makes you call them on a case by case basis every time, which I didn't have to do because the clinic already knew what they wanted from working with them in the past).

They'll give you most of the instruction information then, feel free to glance through it. They also called me two separate times over the following months to read the instructions to me out loud and confirm I understood them. It's mostly all the stuff you need to avoid in the last weeks before anaesthesia, which are NSAIDs like Ibuprofen/Advil, any hormone injections, smoking and alcohol (weed edibles specifically are fine tho! fun fact)

Surgery week itself was three appointments: a pre-op a day before so he could draw the incision lines on me with a permanent marker, the actual surgery the next day, and then a follow-up to get the drains removed six days after that. The pre-op is more shirtless grabbing, but he also used just a normal hardware store level to get the incisions to line up and made me hold it between my tits, which was so funny that it mostly made up for it.

You have to shower with a special anti-bacterial soap the morning before you go to surgery, so you'll have to start getting around way before your actual surgery time. My surgery of 7:30 had a check in time at 5:30 and I had to be on the move before that so like, be aware, make sure you have the ride situation sorted out. I think they let some smaller chested people go home same day if they want but honestly shell out for the night in the hospital if at all possible, the good pain meds are worth it.

I just got dropped off at the hospital and didn't plan on anyone staying with me or visiting and it's honestly been fine, once I recovered from the initial anesthesia I've been coherent enough to text people and chat (and the hospital bed has a USB port in it so you can plug in a phone charger!). They asked me for the phone number and cell carrier of the person picking me up so they could get live text updates , which you should absolutely sign up for. I promised a bunch of people I'd personally text them when I was awake and then wasn't actually coordinated enough to for several hours, oops c':

I'm lucky enough to be local to a good clinic (20-40 minute drive) so I don't really have input on the out of state thing unfortunately. Make sure you have someone with you, I'm independent enough to feed myself and go to the bathroom myself but the pain is def proportional to how much you move and you won't want to be up and down constantly. also I'm not squeamish about emptying my own drains but if you are you'll need someone else to do it

The main restriction mobility-wise is that you can't raise your arms above shoulder level (tho they told me that it isn't a hard rule, just try stuff and stop if it hurts, you won't fuck anything up by letting your body let you know. I was kinda horrified to move at all at first but it really won't hurt anything haha). Main repercussion of this is you won't be able to put shirts on over your head, so get out every button-up you own. Shelves and microwaves and such are all also out of reach for me but that's an easy thing to ask for help for, I just really didn't want someone else to have to dress me lmao.

uhhh that mostly covers things so far? I'm in less pain and more coherent than I expected (when I'm awake anyway) so like make sure you have your phone charger and maybe a book or something!

#feel free to ask questions btw!#if it's too personal I'll just say that. the actual asking part won't offend me~#zero rambles #medical talk cw

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calamitys-child · 2 years

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How long did you have to wait for your referral to go through to the GIC? I’ve been on a waiting list since 2020 and heard nothing back.

So my timeline in essence has been like. A little chaotic, I have adhd and was in a pandemic so i dont have the greatest grasp on how time passes, and obviously people not in central Scotland may experience things very differently but.

February 2018 - Self referral to Sandyford clinic in Glasgow pretty much the instant I was 18 and financially independent

2018-2020 - got thoroughly ignored by Sandyford

~April 2020 - got made redundant due to The Covid, my bosses tried to fuck me over by not paying severance but someone else at the company pointed out that meant they owed me over a grand in back holiday pay. Immediately had a lockdown breakdown and spent all of that going private, rendering myself Very Skint

July 2020 - first appointment with private clinic YourGP in Edinburgh, got my first letter of diagnosis here. Costs ~£350 per appointment iirc and you need three appointments before you can start T or anything

July - December 2020 - those happened. Two diagnostic appointments, one of which was a therapist/psych screening, and a prescription appointment during which they lost the psych letter and had to delay prescribing. Medical Competence :)

December 4th 2020 - started half dose (1 pump daily) testogel. I went for gel because it was the cheapest option (~£35/bottle plus £20 prescription fee, I'd pick up two bottles at a time so it was ~£90 every couple months) and because I could self administer it, because. It was 2020 and every nurse in the world was so fucking busy. However my plan was to switch to sustanon when I was able to access a GP more reliably

~ March 2021 - started full dose testogel (2 pumps daily). This was also roughly when Sandyford finally picked me up so I no longer had to pay my prescription fee. Legally changed my name

October 2021 - asked Sandyford to change me from testogel to sustanon, and to refer me to the Chalmers clinic in Edinburgh as I'd moved back to Edinburgh now

EVERY SINGLE WEEK between December 2021 and April 2022 - emailed Sandyford saying "Hiya! Neither myself nor my GP have yet received the prescription and referral I was due to receive last October. Can you please confirm you are sending us this information? Thank you for your help!". Got ignored every single time until ~April 12th ish when they finally called my GP

April 22nd 2022 - finally started sustanon, 1ml every 3 weeks. Was given a list of potential top surgery providers to look into

July 26th 2022 - first appointment with Chalmers. Reviewed 3 months bloods - my T levels are slightly low but it could be due to not being bang on the 3 months mark, so we're gonna wait another 3 months to see if this evens out or if I would do better on nebido. Wrote up surgery referral letter and I just need to call and confirm with my final decision on which surgery team I want

July 27th 2022 - I have been on hold for forty six minutes with increasing fits of nervous laughter at the fact the main top surgery team people in Scotland get referred to is. Man Chester.

From here - it'll probably be about 2 years till my surgery at this point given wait times

I hope this is a vaguely helpful overview, if you've any questions about any of it in more detail just shout - im happy to answer pretty much anything asked in good faith and will just politely say no if it's something I don't want to discuss publicly:)

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gatheringbones · 1 year

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[“Alex tells me he had long been aware of the existence of transsexuals, and he had even contemplated transitioning earlier in his life. He had known a couple of people over the years who had transitioned, but he had no idea of how to go about doing so, and he lacked the money and the wherewithal.

In the early 1990s, “the conversation changed,” he says, making it possible for him to contemplate transitioning. He heard about support groups for transgender men. FTM groups were forming in San Francisco and Seattle. A burgeoning “queer” movement was challenging the dominance of radical feminist ideas and was offering female-assigned individuals who wished to embrace their inner maleness a way to do so affirmatively, with a sense of pride. Writers and activists like Sandy Stone and Kate Bornstein were talking about a different, more expansive understanding of the radical potential of gender switching, rejecting medicalized notions of trans people as having the “wrong body,” or as being mentally deficient. The term “transgender” was established as a way to move beyond the medical model of “transsexualism” and to include a broad array of gender-variant persons who wished to challenge the binary. It enabled Alex to call himself transgender.

“I did not want to have to say I was ‘crazy.’ I don’t even like saying I’m dysphoric, though I fit the narrative,” says Alex. “I didn’t start T until I found a very good doctor who didn’t demand a letter from a therapist. I wouldn’t confess dysphoria in order to get access to top surgery. I won’t do it. Why would I want to make myself even more marginal?” However, once there was a “weakening of pathology, of judgment,” he decided to move forward.

Meanwhile, Kristin, Alex’s closest friend, settled in Seattle after graduation, where she found an accepting culture and a lively butch presence in the lesbian community. She worked for a state representative, and when she visited the state capitol to lobby on his behalf, people sometimes perceived her “as a boy.” But mainly she felt okay about looking different, and she fell in love with a woman, Jennie, who affirmed her right to be who she was. Kristin is pretty flat chested and small hipped, and “looks like she wants to,” more or less. She presented as a masculine female. It helped that her family tended to be supportive. “Even though I don’t really operate as a woman, I operate in the sphere of women, and there were a lot of really strong women in my big Polish family!” Also her dad, now deceased, was queer, and her brother (who appears in this book) is a transgender man.

Because Kristin, unlike Alex, received a lot of support for her gender nonconformity, she said it never became a major source of distress for her—which isn’t to say that it hasn’t been a challenge at times. She contemplated transitioning for a while but eventually made peace with her body. Being in therapy helped. “I thought that my anxiety was special and everyone else was normal,” she tells me. But as she found ways to ease her generalized sense of anxiety, she became more comfortable with her body and her gender nonconformity. “I thought, ‘Why do I care so much about what other people think about my gender?’ I have a right. I have a fucking right to be who I am,” she tells me, her voice cracking.

And as she became more comfortable with herself, she found ways to deal with bathroom confrontations. “Now when people come up to me and tell me I’m in the wrong bathroom, sometimes I look my body up and down and look at them quizzically and say, ‘Oh, really?’ Thanks!” She makes light of it. “The more comfortable I am, the more likely they are to think I’m in the right place and leave me alone. Now it’s even funny at times.” But airports, she says, are still particularly challenging. Heightened security seems to extend to the policing of gendered bodies in bathrooms. The other day, a blond woman in her fifties came over to her as she entered a bathroom stall and started yelling, “You’re in the wrong place—the men’s room is over there.” Kristin just smiled and said, “Thank you,” and the woman left in a hurry.

“I get why some people transition,” says Kristin, “to be normal, and not have people gawking at you all day. It takes a whole lot of energy.” Still, she came to the conclusion that transitioning would not solve her problems, and that it might open up new, unknown challenges.

Alex, on the other hand, made the decision to modify his body and present as a male, and it has made his life much easier. He no longer gets harassed walking down the street, and he’s no longer as angry. “I still look young,” he tells me, “but at least the beard and receding hairline prove I’m through puberty!” He is much happier now, he says. “I honestly don’t feel I’ve changed that much. That is, ‘transitioning’ didn’t change me so much as it forced others to see me as I saw myself. Yes, the bodily transformations were welcome and comforting. I felt that I was finally ‘home.’ But how do you separate that feeling from the sense that you’re finally recognized by others for how you see yourself?”]

arlene stein, from unbound: transgender men and the remaking of identity, 2018

#arlene stein #gender stuff #currently reading #trans literature #lesbian literature

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asexual-means-no-attraction · 2 years

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I have a bit of a loaded question, so the area I live in doesn't have many places that offer hrt or any help for transexuals trying to start the process of transition and places that do cost thousands, I've been living in poverty for years and cant afford health insurance and my dysphoria has gotten worse over the years so can I ask how you went about transitioning or some advice on things you did to ease dysphoria? even if it's just minor stuff that I can try for now

Don't worry about asking too much. And feel free to ask more clarification on anything I say below. This is gonna be a long post so buckle in.

How I did my medical transitioning process in the USA:

-While Ohio certainly isn't a super progressive state, we got the Cleveland clinic which has an entire LGBT center that has been super easy and simple for me to work with.

-I talked to my primary Dr about getting a referral to the LGBT center. All they needed was a therapist letter showing that I do in fact have gender dysphoria/medically transitioning is an important part of improving my quality of life.

-from there I had an appointment to discuss what I want (hrt, top/bottom surgery, freezing eggs, etc etc). You don't have to do everything. But they all involve different drs so they wanna know who to reach out to.

-I got on hrt pretty quickly but I had to save a lot before I got top surgery since insurance wouldn't help at all.

Tips for paying for medical transitioning shit:

-goodrx is a good site for finding cheaper meds while still going though legit channels. You just need a prescription and a goodrx coupon. They're good for almost every us pharmacy.

-DO NOT GO THROUGH OTHER CHANNELS.

-I repeat. Do not get your meds through anyone except a Dr office. It's very unsafe and the risks are not better than the rewards. I know it sucks not being able to medically transition. And me telling you it'll be ok won't make it any more easier for you in this present moment. But I promise, it will eventually be ok. You'll get there and one day you'll be able to get everything through legit means. I'm sorry you have to be patient. You shouldn't have to be.

-poverty definitely makes things harder. I had a supportive family that donated money and art commissions I did to help fund my top surgery over the course of a year. But I am not at poverty level. I definitely wouldn't of been able to do that in your situation. I wish I had good advice for that but I don't. I'm sorry.

-does your state, county, city, etc have any LGBT support groups?? Sometimes they will have resources to help with funding and shit.

-there are scholarships for trans people to help with stuff. Can't promise it's easy to get, but it's worth looking into.

-I have seen people use this one thing to grow facial hair?? I don't remember what it was and I don't know if there's side effects. It was like a thing you rub one and it's for cis men to help hair growth. I'm not endorsing it, but it might be worth looking at.

-if you're gonna do binding make sure you look up how to do it safely and you buy it from a safe site. I know that it can sometime get pricey with that but binding unsafely will cost you more in the long run.

General tips for transitioning/suggestions for dysphoria (focusing on trans men):

-there's other things besides medical stuff. You can look into legal name changes too. You do usually have to pay which sucks, but it can be a really nice step when you can't afford the more expensive medical shit.

-even if there are no lgbt support groups in your area, there are online resources you can find too.

-dress for your body type. What styles work for one person, might not work for someone else. You don't have money to throw around so trail and error is a lot harder. But you really have to try and find what works best for you. That can take time.

-I found vests helped my chest look smaller which was nice. Button down shirts with fun designs also do a good job at making chests look smaller. The designs should be non symmetrical. The idea being that the design will drive people's eyes all over and not focus on your chest. I also liked t-shirts with large designs that went across the entire front part of the shirt as they don't have text/designs that exist right there on your chest focusing everyone's eyes there 🙄🙄🙄.

-I have a round face so I found that hair styles that make my face look more rectangular to be extremely helpful. To find what hairstyle is best for you, the best bet is to do some research. Don't go too short though or it'll come off as more of a pixie cut than a male hairstyle.

-one of the worst things for me was my voice (and it still kinda is). I found singing along to songs with male singers help. Both deep and high voices ones. With the music up high so it's harder to hear myself.

-try and figure out what stuff makes it worse. I know some people find seeing their naked body to be terrible and showering/getting dressed in the dark can help with that. If you can determine what makes things worse, you can find small solutions to them.

-when it's really getting you down, remind yourself of things that are gender affirming that you have/can do instead of lingering on everything you can't do.

-there are sports bras designed to make you look smaller which can also be helpful.

-not so much something to help you pass. But I have a hat that makes me feel better when I'm down. If you have a comfort item using it can help a lot when dysphoria is a bitch.

-for my body type I found cargo pants that were loose around the shins to be very helpful in making my hips look smaller.

-not sure about your home life. But if you can, don't shave. I honestly tell this to cis women too just cuz shaving is so much work. But not shaving can be very gender affirming (more so because of the society we live in). If anyone asks you can just say you're too lazy to shave and that tends to satisfy people without them going "you're just doing it for social commentary" (<- which isn't a bad thing anyways 🤷‍♂️ why do people care so much about hairy legs and armpits???).

-again. Don't know your situation. But just having people call you "he" around you can help more than anything. Even if you don't pass, just the acknowledgement that they see who you are will go a long way.

-remind yourself that it's ok that you don't pass. You're still a man.

-I had a really bad spiral of depression from dysphoria before. And I won't say I managed it perfectly. But just trying to get yourself to not care as much about what others think can help.

-this might sound counter productive. But don't slouch to hide your chest. I found that walking with my back straight with that "confident" strut helped make me feel a lot more comfortable about my body.

-if you have someone to talk to, talk to them. Telling someone about how your feeling won't solve the problem but it will make it easier for you to get the emotions out and think more clearly. I can't tell you how much easier it was to think of solution, and how much better I felt in general, by opening up to a supportive person.

-I always found hats to be gender affirming. There is no reason for this as it does not matter what kind of hat.

-we live in a covid world. Get yourself a mask that is "masculine." I say it like that cuz that's full bullshit and cloth has nothing to do with gender. But when I wear a cute cat cloth mask vs usually a black/gray mask I found I got gendered very differently. It's stupid but you might as well use gender stereotypes to your favor.

-don't avoid bright colors cuz you think they're feminine. It's a lot more about style and design than color for clothes.

-remind yourself that you don't need to pass. It's not the end all be all. You're no less trans. And you're still you no matter what people see you as.

-there are voice exercises to make your voice lower. I don't have recommendations but I know they're out there.

-get some boxers. You can't wear them on your period unless you do tampons or get period underwear that's boxer designed. But a majority of the time you can still wear them. And you'll find you get a lot less wedgies which is nice.

-get gendered shirts. Stuff like "world okay-ist brother." Even if you don't pass you can just tell people it's a gag shirt. And it's really nice to wear for yourself.

-People watch. I cannot stress this enough. People watch. Look at men. Look at how many are actually short, have wide hips, have baby faces, have high voices, have long hair, have soft eyes, have long eyelashes, have curves, have less hair on their arms. Look at how they sit, how many also cross their legs, how many also curl up in balls, how many also get flustered and cute, how many say aww at cute cat videos. Really look at them. Because there are so many cis men around you that have a lot in common with you. We've just been taught that these things are feminine or masculine when they aren't and dysphoria makes us exaggerate these differences even more. But they're natural on bodies of all genders. Actions/thoughts that we all share. And it's ok that you have those features. Look at the men around you and see how much you have in common. You aren't that different.

-lastly again. Remind yourself it's ok to not pass. Dysphoria will get worse and it will get better. You'll get over this wave of dysphoria. You'll find a way to manage. And one day you will realize you're thriving in ways you never thought you could. Its hard and I'm sorry it has to be hard. But you aren't alone. And you are already enough of a man as you are now. Even if you don't feel like it yet.

#feel free to add on #answered #ask #not discourse #trans #trans advice #transmen #long post #super long post #on Mobile so i cant add a read more #sorry #i hope at least one of these points has been helpful #but we're in different situations so i cant promise they will #my depression actually got so bad that i just became dumb to my body #so the dysphoria was easier to manage since i didnt actually recognize myself #i had to focus a lot on clothes and hair styles #how others would view me #before i could actually start looking into how i see me #just because i needed others to see me before i could start recognizing myself #thankfully i have a very large support group #and that made that whole process a lot easier #once i started medically transitioning it entered a whole new ball game #never thought id like myself this much #it does get better #I'm sorry you cant be there yet #but there are things that can help you now #good luck #i believe in you

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boba-t-butch · 2 years

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Was your top surgery covered by insurance? I'm kind of ????? Re gender identity, but I know a lot of insurances need you to ""prove"" your transness via dysphoria, psych eval, etc. All I know is I'm not a trans man, and since you're not either, can you please explain how that process went for you? If you'd rather not discuss it, totally understandable.

hi! i'm comfortable talking about my experience bc it was fucking complicated. i was really really lucky i was able to get top surgery for a $4 copay through colorado medicaid. insurance required a letter from a therapist and a letter from a pcp in accordance with WPATH standards. there are templates online that was helpful to send to my providers. my therapist did her own research and work which i'm grateful for. but for less reliable providers, they can essentially plug in your info into the blanks.

i was able to find a therapist while living in nyc that i really trusted who continued to see me via telehealth after i moved. and my therapist let me take the lead on how i wanted her to word things. i think my surgeon also worked with many nonbinary patients and affirmed that CO medicaid doesn't give you a hard time for saying nonbinary rather than trans man. she "diagnosed" me with gender dysphoria and wrote about how my dysphoria affected my mental health, but was clear with me that the language she was using was just based on her research of what insurance was looking for and not reflective of like. who i am as a person.

i had a kinda shitty pcp at first who took a really long time to write my letter and made me jump through a lot of hoops. i also found out i have hEDS in the process and had to get a heart echo done to get approved for surgery. and then she didn't fucking sign the letter she wrote. and that took so long that my insurance had to be renewed and some small changes happened that meant i had to resubmit everything. ended up getting a new pcp who wrote me a letter super fast and had top surgery get scheduled, cancelled, and then got a new surgery date and found out my surgery was approved 6 days before getting the operation. the hospital was also really understaffed so some of the delays was the surgery scheduling team literally not submitting my documents to insurance in time. and i was in a really privileged position to be able to stay unemployed and keep medicaid for two years.

i literally started the process of trying to schedule top surgery at the same time i filed for medicaid. and they told me the process would take 3-4 months and it took 13 months. so they definitely make you work for it and it should not be this fucking hard. but ultimately i did get my tits off for $4!

#top surgery

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ordinarytalk · 2 years

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Hey, I saw your tags about hair loss/voice changes and top surgery, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents. First, for hair loss, look at both sides of your family and see if there's a pattern of male hair loss. That can help. I also know there's supposed to be some sort of medication that can prevent hair loss alongside taking HRT but I don't know much about it. Maybe I think nothorses has some info, so you could search his blog.

My spouse was worried about losing their voice, but they're on a low dose of T for over six months and haven't lost their upper range. There's also voice training you can do via youtube to help keep your vocal chords in shape.

And for top surgery, I'd say it's be worth it. Depending on how you want your "tie" to look, you could also look into a reduction so you can bind easily and safely or have breasts when you want. But there are also breast forms cosplayers use so you could actually have a couple different ties in the reserves depending on what you want/need.

Obviously, this is a lot, and your anxieties over T are valid. I personally have loved the changes I've had on T and look forward to yeeting my tits, but I'm not everyone lol. If you've got a therapist, it's worth speaking to them about it. And if you're low income, your city should have resources. I don't have to pay for therapy and I see a therapist once a week and working through a potential ADHD diagnosis atm and got my letter from her as well.

Thank you for sending this! I'm the sort of person who likes to research everything before making any decisions, but there's not much hard data on trans healthcare (even less on HRT for nonbinary folks), and I appreciate any information I can get.

For top surgery, honestly I'd probably prefer to just launch my boobs into the fuckin' sun, and stick with the breastforms for the more tit-ular outfits. I even might have enough money to do it, if I saved up! I'm more worried about the recovery. I know it takes a while, and involves tubes and bags of goo, and you almost definitely need someone to help you out, and I live alone with a cat who likes to step directly on my boobs at every opportunity which would probably not be ideal in this situation.

I...really need to try and find a therapist at some point, probably.

#asks and answers #how very very queer #personal stuff

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briamichellewrites · 11 months

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My son, Brian. Mike and Brad were doing everything they could to understand what being transgender meant. The gender Brian was born into didn’t match the gender he felt inside. He gave them a lot of credit for doing everything they could to understand what he was going through. They learned that gender dysphoria could happen in young children, teenagers going through puberty, and even older adults. Even toddlers could affirm their gender identity was incorrect.

I’m a boy. As much as Brad corrected his child, he always told him he was a boy. Yeah, he knew the differences between boys and girls. His body was changing and he hated it. He wanted to be a boy. It took two years of therapy for him to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria. His therapist thought that transitioning would do a lot of good for him.

She would even write a letter of recommendation for him. Even though he had changed his name, gender identity, and clothing, he still didn’t feel like a boy. At sixteen, he was able to articulate more clearly what he was feeling and experiencing with his body. It wasn’t just based on gender stereotypes, though he did want muscles like Brad because he thought they were cool. Brad laughed when he heard that. Mike had to agree that they were very cool with him.

Even George and Matt were trying to understand what he was going through. When he was younger, he was always unlike any child they knew. He played with toys but he often preferred making up stories in his head. Brian didn’t follow gender norms like playing just with dolls or Barbies. He played with all toys, regardless of gender.

Now, he was becoming the man he wanted to be. His driver’s license stated his birth name and gender. Would he change it? Yeah, after going through his transition. He was leaning towards having chest surgery and then deciding if he wanted to go through hormones and bottom surgery. Having chest surgery would help him feel less like a woman because men didn’t have breasts. His were small, so they would be easy to remove. They just had to consider the risks because it was still surgery.

Brad did some research and found that the legal minimum age for top surgery - or a double mastectomy and chest reconstruction was sixteen, with parental consent. He contacted a doctor recommended by Bria’s therapist for a consultation. Brian was excited and nervous. He would feel discomfort after the surgery for a week or two. Then, he would be able to get back to his daily routine.

The doctor asked a lot of questions about his dysphoria. He also looked at his chest. Yeah, it would be easy to do because of his small size. He went through their options one by one and he explained everything in a way they could understand and consent to. They were also encouraged to ask questions. After the consultation, they scheduled the surgery for the following week. He was required to stop smoking beforehand because it could affect the outcome of the surgery.

Brad laughed as he stated he would do that. Wow. He was going to do this. When they got home, they talked with Mike about the consultation and their schedules. They could both take him if that worked for him. Brian had no problem with that.

“Hey, Brian. Don’t even think about stealing my cigarettes”, Brad joked.

“Don’t remind me”, he groaned.

They laughed. Was he supposed to stop smoking? Oh, yeah. He was going to go through cravings for an entire week. They would have to keep him distracted. He jumped up and down. Was he having cravings? No, he just had a burst of energy. Though he initially didn’t want to transition, he changed his mind due to how much it would improve his body image and mental health.

“It’s weird because when the doctor was showing us different types of chest surgeries and I couldn’t tell the difference between them”, Brian said.

“There were subtle differences. I think you made the right decisions.”

“Are you excited”, Mike asked.

“Hell yeah! And nervous.”

“That’s more than understandable.”

He joked that it was a good thing he was doing his surgery during Pride Month. They didn’t realize that but yeah, it was. He could be proud of being himself. After bouncing around, he went outside. Brad used that opportunity to hide his pack of cigarettes. Mike told him that was a great idea. He would go outside and keep an eye on him.

He found him getting his keys from his pocket. Where was he going? Nowhere. His car was a mess, so he was going to take it out and clean it. He stood back as he pulled it out of the garage and parked it in the driveway. His passenger side had wrappers and other junk. It did need to be cleaned out. How the hell could he find anything in there? He couldn’t. That made him laugh. After turning the radio on to a classic rock station, he started going through it and putting the garbage in a plastic bag.

For his sixteenth birthday, Brad handed him the keys to his black custom-made four-door Jeep Cherokee. Brian loved his car! He decorated it and made it his own. It wasn’t long before he filled up a plastic bag of garbage. He threw it away before getting another garbage bag from the garage. Brad came out to see what they were doing.

He had successfully hidden his cigarettes in a place he wouldn’t find them. Mike explained what he was doing. He was on high ADHD energy and was going to get shit done. When he pulled out a Chipotle bag, Brad jokingly asked him if there was food in there. No, just an extra plastic fork and some extra napkins. He usually took more napkins than he needed because he never knew how much of a mess he was going to make.

He would then leave the napkins he didn’t use on the table for the next customers. This time, he decided to bring them home. Then, he forgot about them. It took about twenty minutes for him to get out all the garbage. His car would no longer smell like a drive-through restaurant. They laughed and told him, good job. He felt satisfied and accomplished. It looked just like it did the day he got it.

He had an air freshener plugged into the air vent, an organizer for grocery bags, some change in the front cup holder, and a dashboard bobblehead Bulldog. Despite the garbage, he was taking good care of it. Brad checked the oil and tires. They were still good. Mike laughed at the bulldog. That’s cute. He touched the head, making it nod up and down. Where did he get that? He found it at Target and he bought it because he thought it was adorable.

“It’s great for when I’m sitting in traffic and bored. I named him, Bob the Bobble Head.”

“That’s awesome!”

After a while, they went back inside. He pulled his car back into the garage before following them. It was almost time to make dinner. Brian went to his room because he was cold. Brad came up behind Mike in the kitchen and kissed his cheek. They said I love you before he went to the refrigerator. After grabbing a hoodie, he came back down and joined them.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia @boricuacherry-blog

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