#i also used to be able to do a perfect gollum impression before my voice kinda changed

[papenniesandbentoboxes]

Face Reveal!

Yay! I have 100 lovely, wonderful, amazing followers! Thank you all for being so awesome! 

As promised, I’m doing a face reveal!

That’s me.

I also promised a chaotic mini biography, so here goes. This is worse than Nigel Mookerjee’s memoirs. Also, his memoirs are iconic and beautiful and I could never compete with him.

(btw by mini i mean mini by nigel mookerjee standards so this is extensive and not mini by normal standards and very chaotic)

When I was born I was very very tiny. I had bright fiery carrot red hair with white around my crown. I was a genetic rarity since there was only one other redhead in my family in the past 100+ years. From the moment I could move my hands I did jazz hands and acted like a game show host instead of being a baby. 

Going on to preschool, I remember spending all my time playing with the musical instruments and coloring outside the lines because I hated the strict teacher and then they locked me in the bathroom for five minutes of time out. 

I started reading chapter books at 4. When I was 5, my mom borrowed a book called How to Teach Your Child to Read or something like that and I straight up just read that book. I started reading Nancy Drew books when I was 6 and Hardy Boys when I was 8.

When I was eight, I started professionally acting. I played Tiny Tim in the Act Theatre’s A Christmas Carol. I hated the guy who played Bob Cratchit because he was a jerk.

When my sister turned 6, we had a birthday party where my mom and I made her a DIY pinata out of paper mache and an oatmeal box thing. It took an hour to get it open. All the kids tried with the plastic bat and eventually the bat broke. After that, we got an ax handle and used that to hit the pinata. Didn’t work. We eventually had to get a chainsaw and use that. After we got the pinata open, everything was just plastic and candy dust.

I was in team level gymnastics by the age of ten, but I never competed because my mom and I weren’t gonna pay $100 for a leo, tshirt, and flipflops. I was in level 5 gymnastics when I quit.

I was homeschooled in the Pacific Northwest (where it is wet and grey 97% of the time) and moved to the high desert areas of Washington when I was 13. It is very hot and I hate heat. If anyone tells me this part of Washington isn’t a desert, I will show thou pictures of the natural vegetation with is DIRT, SAGEBRUSH, and FRICKIN TUMBLEWEEDS.

I’ve never gotten carsick in my life, but both my dogs do and they have both thrown up on my lap on three separate occasions.

In my freshman year winter break, I came back to school in January sunburned. 

When I was 14, my sister and I joined a circus. A youth circus, but still, a circus. The other kids were like, “You’re first years, you’ll only be clowns in your first year.” So, being me, I rebelled and proved them wrong, getting into 6 acts my first year. Suck it, haters. My main acts that I did were spansets (it’s an obscure circus act), Roman ladders, tumbling, swinging ladders, and tight wire (low wire without the poles). I eventually became a ringmistress and got to wear a really neat red and gold tail coat and a top hat. I had to quit circus after a knee injury from falling off of low wire and then making it 10x worse after my tumbling act.

The fabric on my spansets feels like if cheese graters were a fabric. It has ripped off my skin and I hate it.

My favorite person at circus taught me how to do a back flip through Newton’s First Law of physics.

When I was 18, I won 3rd place in the mezzo soprano category at State for vocal stuff. After I collected my medal, my choir teacher and her husband (the vice principal at my highschool) took my mom and I to eat Mexican food. The waiter there flirted with me and because I lack all social skills, I said, “Yike, buddy, I really like this cheese.” My mother, my choir teacher, and her husband laughed hard about that.

I sing opera, gospel, jazz, musical theater, and country. Because I was bored, at the beginning of quarantine, I got dressed up in my Legolas costume and sang “Kerosine” by Miranda Lambert in my front yard with my giant karaoke machine speaker.

When I was in Les Mis, I played Fantine and at the end when I was standing on top of the barricade, the lights would go black and then we’d have to go off stage to get ready for bows. I fell off the barricade more than one time. I was also a barricade boy so I got to die twice in the same show. I wore giant sideburns and a black wig and I was A MANLY MAN.

I played Scuttle in The Little Mermaid and nearly got killed because I rammed my head into a speaker and then fell off the stage and into the side door. It was fun.

My first roller coaster was the Incredicoaster in Disneyland.

After my first crush and heartbreak, I got over that stupid ass guy by going rock climbing, repelling, and white water rafting. If you ever want to get over a guy, just do something that could potentially kill you without safety gear.

I got nicknamed Buffy by one of my college roommates because I have arms not unlike Thor’s. I like the nickname, hate the person who gave it to me. She was an asshole and made my depression worse.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 19 (just this February) and it was like watching a TV show with a twist ending and then looking back at all the foreshadowing in all 19 seasons of this weird TV show.

I’m allergic to cashews and we found out the hard way.

I lack most social skills unless I am in a professional setting and then I turn into a weird charmer. 

I can gargle “What A Wonderful World” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.

I won my church’s Star Wars trivia night and won a nice basket of Star Wars stuff. I also won my library’s Star Wars trivia night. No one else knew what Boba Fett’s ship’s name was.

This is my sister and I at circus. I was a ringmistress that day and she was Lead Clown, Do-See-Do. I did her makeup. 

So that’s me. This is the face behind all the memes.

Stay rad, dudes. Yeet.

#clue crew #it's meeeee #face reveal #clue crew face reveal #i frickin love memes #one time when i was in the musical Oliver! there was this one boy who kept annoying me so i took my prop bowl and broke it on his head #i also used to be able to do a perfect gollum impression before my voice kinda changed #it was depressing #i read les mis and i am not a fan of the parisian sewer systems #my dogs are weird #one is a catahoula and one is a rat-chi #they're both psycho #one more than the other #my sister knows every single lyric to toxic by britney spears #and when i told her about my joe headcanon she recited the entire song to me #i was like #i didn't know you knew that song #she was like #of course i know that song #i mean #idk anymore #one time at college it was karaoke night and i sang girlfriend by avril lavigne #the sk8er boi #then teenagers by mcr #then welcome to the black parade #everyone was surprised i knew emo music #bruh #i don't look emo but i am on the inside #my best friend is 10x more emo than me

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #199 - The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) According to IMDb:

New Line Cinema wanted Peter Jackson to start the film with a prologue done by Cate Blanchett, something that Jackson didn't want to do. Ironically, a year earlier, New Line Cinema had been opposed to opening the first film with a prologue narrated by Blanchett, something, of which, Jackson was in favor.

2) Beginning this film by revisiting such an iconic moment from the first (The Bridge of Khazad Dum) and continuing to push said moment past where it ended in Fellowship helps to make the film unique. It won’t just be a retread of familiar material but instead something which continues to push the story forward as all the best sequels do. It also sets the bar high for all ensuing action, as this was one of the (if not the) best moments from the original.

3) This film really doubles down on deepening the relationships introduced in Fellowship, with the romance kinship between Sam and Frodo. It is their relationship which the audience invests in, it’s something personal we can attach to. Sure Frodo losing his life or soul to the ring would be awful, but seeing how it effects Sam just ups the pain.

4) Andy Serkis as Gollum.

Holy shit, Andy Serkis as Gollum. Don’t let the fact that this is a CG role fool you, this is pretty much ALL Andy Serkis. Gollum’s facial features were based on his performance by the animator. All the physicality, all the vocals, the emotion, the heart, the character is Andy Serkis. He is so freaking otherworldly as the iconic character, blending completely into the role in a way only the best actors can. You don’t SEE Serkis in the part because he casts anything that is him aside to embrace the devious Gollum. And while I cannot possible undersell the importance and absolutely stellar work Serkis put into the part, a motion capture role is either limited or supported by the animators behind it. The character of Gollum is a perfect marriage between animation and performance, making you not doubt for one second that this is a real living character. Stealing pretty much every scene he’s in if not the entire film, Serkis should have been nominated for an Oscar because of his role in these films but wasn’t because it was motion capture. But this does not undermine the fact that Serkis by far gives the best performance in the entire trilogy.

5) The fact that the Fellowship was broken up in the last film allows for much more character development in this one. The heroes are not fitting for screen time or development in a scene with eight other characters. By separating them into the groups of Frodo and Sam; Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli; and Merry and Pippin, all the characters get more room to shine and be developed.

6) Karl Urban may not have a lot of room to shine but that doesn’t mean he’s not as good in this movie as he is in others. Urban is a wonderfully gifted character actor, able to blend into any role which comes his way and Éomer is no different. You don’t see Urban so much as you just see the character.

7) One of my favorite things in the entire trilogy really begins to take form in this film and that is the bromance between Legolas and Gimli.

Legolas [after Éomer threatens to cut off Gimli’s head, pointing an arrow at him]: “You would die before your stroke fell.”

8) There’s this wonderful scene in the movie where Aragorn and company are at the site of the orc fight (where Merry and Pippin last were). What makes it work is that we briefly got a glimpse of this moment earlier. The orcs began fighting attackers and it looked like Pippin was going to be crushed by a horse when it just cut away. But by flashing back to what really happened while Aragorn figures it out for himself does two things well. First of all, it follows the rule of show don’t tell. Secondly: it doesn’t waste the audience’s time by showing us what happened THEN having Aragorn realize it himself. By combining it the film’s pacing improves.

9) Treebeard.

I really like Treebeard, he’s a wonderfully multifaceted character. He is able to be slow, paced, patient, but also has some deep anger sometimes. Voiced by John Rhys Davies (who also plays Gimli), the actor does a good job of making Treebeard sympathetic and interesting when (in lesser hands) he could’ve come off as boring. I dig it.

10) As with many parts of the trilogy, the Dead Marshes scene has a wonderful sense of place to it. It’s viscerally creepy and eerie, making your skin crawl and your stomach turn. Peter Jackson’s roots as a horror director really come in handy in these scene as it’s a place you know the characters should leave ASAP.

11) Can I just so: Gandalf is really freaking dramatic.

When he’s revealing to Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas that he’s been RESURRECTED (dramatic enough on its own) he even disguises his voice to make it sounds like he’s Saruman just to screw with them. And then we have this wonderful moment after Aragorn calls him Gandalf:

Gandalf: “Gandalf? Yes, that is what they used to call me.”

Dude! You did NOT forget your name! You remember literally EVERYTHING ELSE! You remember Aragorn and Merry and Pippin and everything. Take a chill pill, Gandalf.

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

12) I really like the whole Merry, Pippin and Treebeard subplot. It’s largely conversation but it brings up a lot of really interesting ideas about why the trees should participate in the war. Not only that, but it very organically develops Merry QUITE well. He and Pippin both started out as pretty immature in the first film, but by the end of this movie (through the subplot with Treebeard) he’s accepted his responsibility and is ready to fight for what’s right.

13) Miranda Otto as Éowyn.

Although Éowyn really gets her shining moment of glory in Return of the King (and the best damn moment in the entire trilogy), I love her from the first moment we meet her in this film. She’s my favorite character in the entire trilogy. I love that she can cry/grieve but still comes off as incredibly strong. She always has the best for her people and king in mind, always looking to fight against those who threaten those she loves and constantly frustrated when others try to get in her way. She is a great leader and a great fighter, as no moment fills me with such joy as seeing this badass royal practicing how to fight with a sword. I just…gah! I fucking love Éowyn.

14) This is one of those lines in a movie which has stuck with me my entire life.

Théoden: “No parent should have to bury their child.”

It really speaks to the grief Théoden is going through and an honest truth. Children are meant to outlive their parents, not the other way around. According to IMDb:

One time while Bernard Hill was in England, a woman came up to him and told him about how one of her children had died shortly before then, and that parents shouldn't have to bury their child. His confrontation with this woman affected him so much, that he asked to have a line put in about it.

15) Cutting between the three groups in the film could have easily dogged down the pacing, but the film knows when to make their cuts. The tension continues to build organically and the structure is never disrupted.

16) The conversations between Gollum and Sméagol.

Mostly I talk about how scenes like this work from a storytelling aspect as opposed to a technical aspect. And while these moments clearly illustrate the conflict and layers within Gollum/Sméagol, I am actually more impressed with the technical aspect of it. The scene works very well with two basic rules of filmmaking: Eye line and the 180 degree rule.

You can probably gleam what eye line means just from the name of it, but it’s making sure that when you cut between two characters looking at each other between shots the eyes match. Not only is that done very well here, but so is the 180 degree rule. The 180 degree rule is very simple: it means that when two character are in the same scene they should always be on the same side of the frame. Whether the shot is a wide, over the shoulder, or whatever, unless there is movement going on in the scene they should be on the same side of the frame so the continuity matches. In this scene, Gollum is always on the left while Sméagol is always on the right. Even though they’re the same physical person sitting in the same spot, the way the scene is framed just drives home the idea that they’re talking to each other because it follows the 180 degree rule. I just really dig that.

17) One of the most tragic things about Sméagol/Gollum is that for like MOST of this film he’s actually trying to redeem himself. He’s trying to be the good buy, he’s trying to help Frodo and Sam, but it is the harm done to him by fearful men which results in his regression back to a greedy backstabber. The more you sympathize with a villain, the more powerful they are.

18) I like the little update we get on Arwen and Aragorn’s relationship via flashback, but the later extended sequence with her, Elrond, and Galadriel is always something I zone out during. I like that she’s not forgotten but also the 15 minute segment where her arc is developed can feel a little pointless TO ME at times.

19) The Wild Riders attack.

While a little long, the set piece is very well done. It has interesting, well choreographed action which takes advantage of the wide space its in and a wonderful sense of tension. And it has some very real consequences, with Aragorn not being the untouchable hero trope but instead taking a fall off a cliff and being presumed dead. Also, Legolas and Gimli have their first of many competitions of who can kill the most bad guys in it and I love that.

20) A film is a story told in cuts.

Wormtongue [after talking about how it’ll take tens of thousands to take Helm’s Deep]: “But my lord, there is no such force.”

[Saruman shows Wormtongue such a force.]

21) I get that Elrond is Arwen’s dad and he’s worried about her, but she’s an adult who is living her life. Can’t he just respect the choice she’s made to live for Aragorn instead of pressuring her out of it? Please?

22) David Wenham as Faramir.

There’s a lot more patience with Faramir than his brother Boromir had. You can see a far amount of grief in Wenham’s performance. He’s wiser than his brother but not as favored (as we will get a better peek into in Return of the King), which causes a conflict in him. He wants to please his father and make him proud, but he also understands that his father is not always the best decision maker. This conflict shows greatly in Wenham and he’s able to make the character very interesting because of that.

Faramir: “A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality.”

23) Get friends who react to you not being dead like Gimli and Legolas do with Aragorn.

Gimli: “I’m going to kill him! [Not 30 seconds later] Bless you!”

Legolas [after thinking Aragorn died]: “You look terrible.”

24) I know the source material dates back to 1954, but I HATE the, “get the women and children to safety,” trope. Like, Éowyn proves that women are capable of defending themselves just as well as men can. But they’re constantly infantilized, LITERALLY thought the equivalent of children, needing to be protected and hidden away from danger. If they trusted women to fight in the battle of Helm’s Deep there wouldn’t be all this talk about, “Oh, we don’t have enough men to fight for us.” THEN FIND SOME WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD WITH A SWORD! YOU’RE LITERALLY HAVING TEENAGERS FIGHT, YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN FIND A WOMAN WHO IS AS SKILLED WITH A SWORD AS TEENAGERS!?

25) Aragorn really gets to go on a great journey throughout the three films. I mean in the first film he’s a loner, a ranger who doesn’t lead men. But in this film he begins to accept his responsibility as a king and lead the fight in the Battle of Helm’s Deep. It’ll only grow in the third film and I appreciate that.

26) One thing that these films do really well is they don’t let situations get too dire. This is a story largely about hope and fighting because of that hope, so to have a battle be too depressing goes against that idea. Legolas and Gimli are great of keeping the human heart of a scene.

Gimli: “What’s happening out there?”

Legolas: “Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?”

[Gimli laughs.]

27) Battle of Helm’s Deep

This is an absolutely incredible climax to the film in the truest sense of the word. While the battle is INCREDIBLY long the filmmakers do a great job of carrying the action and pacing so that it never loses your interest. Legolas and Gimil help with that, but so do the character choices. Théoden gives up, Aragorn is ready to fight. The battle has tides, it changes favor, and it really just does a great job of holding your interest the whole time.

28)

Théoden: “Is this it? Is this all you can conjure, Saruman?”

[Battle starts to get worse]

(GIF originally posted by @welcometoyouredoom)

29) I love this exchange.

Treebeard: “This is not our war.”

Merry: “But you’re part of this world!”

30) While this film does feature a tone of development for Merry, it is Pippin who knows what to do so Treebeard will get invested in the war. So he’ll fight. He’s a tricky one, that hobbit.

31)

Théoden: “What can men doe against such reckless hate?”

Honestly (and Aragorn’s actions prove this): unite. Stand up against hatred and bigotry together and show the world that you will not stand for it.

32) One thing I haven’t talked much about for this film which also plays a much larger factor in Return of the King is Frodo’s continued corruption. The ring is getting to him, it’s darkening him, tempting him, causing him to doubt and fear. Wood plays this VERY well, this development. It feels organic, it makes sense even if it is brought upon by an outward force. It just really works.

33) According to IMDb:

When Frodo (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) are in Osgiliath, Sam says, "By rights, we shouldn't even be here." This was a nod to the deviation the screenplay had taken from the book's storyline. In the book, Sam and Frodo never passed through Osgiliath.

34) I freaking love this. I forgot about this exchange and honestly it gives me hope.

35) Deciding to end the film on Gollum/Sméagol deciding to betray the hobbits in Return of the King I think works really well. It resolves his crisis of identity that has been featured in this film. He tried to be good and it didn’t work so now he’s going to be bad. I think even when a film ends on a cliffhanger there needs to be some form of resolution to it.

There’s really not a weak link in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Two Towers continues the excellence which began in Fellowship by giving each character more room to shine, continuing the battle of Middle Earth in an epic and investing way, while making sure these films still have a beating human heart to them. It’s just really great.

#The Lord of the Rings #Andy Serkis #Elijah Wood #Viggo Mortensen #Ian McKellen #Miranda Otto #Bernard Hill #Karl Urban #Orlando Bloom #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Peter Jackson #JRR Tolkien #John Rhys Davies #Christopher Lee #Sean Astin #Dominic Monaghan #Billy Boyd #David Wenham #Take It Easy Joan #Movie #Film #GIF

[drizzlydaybeforethespring]

Let’s talk fighting strategy.

So the scene in book 2 where Selena goes down into the secret catacombs is a mess on so many levels.

I’m going to attempt not to scream constantly, but it’s going to be hard with all the completely asinine fighting decisions our “best assassin ever” makes. I cannot even impress upon you enough just how horrible of a strategist she is.

To start off with, the catacombs involve magic, and unknown danger. She has a spellbook and learns only ONE spell--the spell to open the door into it. Not any basic defensive spells. She just waltzes down there.

All the way going, "A voice in the back of her head said it was a bad idea, but she did it anyway.” WTF. Assassins are the best and survive by listening to that voice, not just going, “I’m the best so it doesn’t matter."

Then. She gets to the halls with doors on either side. She goes, "I wonder what this is?” and says there's no evidence such as bloodstains or weapons for it being a dungeon. THEN SKIPS ON HER MERRY WAY CALLING THE DOORS "CELLS" AND CALLING IT A DUNGEON WTFFFFFFFFFF

Making assertions and not proving them (which this author does quite a bit) is bad enough. But having your character act like a sleuth for two seconds to show us that it’s not necessarily one thing and then telling us multiple times, with no proof, that it is that thing just makes me see it even more as a wild assumption.

Assassins don’t stay alive by making assumptions.

She finally gets to the clock tower and decides to get the hell out of there, and sees that all the wall sconces have been put out.

She then decides that since her torch, the only light, “makes her a target,” she puts it out.

THAT'S A CLEAR INVITATION FOR SOMEONE TO ATTACK YOU BEFORE YOUR EYES ADJUST.

Which she would certainly be expected to know if she’d been trained so rigorously.

Just a minute ago she traipsed down here with a torch, lighting all the wall sconces: anything down there knows she’s there already. Stealth is not an option. She’s going to have to fight it, and I know I'd rather see when something comes up to attack me than douse my light source when it's not even a given that my attacker can't see in the dark!!! Selena, you’re in a fantasy novel, remember??

She could have also used that fire as an additional weapon. There was no reason to put it out.

ESPECIALLY SINCE HER TORCH MAKES LESS OF A TARGET THAN THE FLIPPING GLOWING AMULET ON HER CHEST LMAO "SHOOT HERE BITCHES"

Enter the creature. Which is basically a human-sized Gollum. And since she’s seen it once outside the catacombs, it MUST be able to open magical doors by itself!! No one could have possibly let it out, even though that was my first thought when she originally saw it in the hallway!!

And it attacks her in the darkness (though not right after she put out her light, the dumbass) and she swipes at it with her huge-ass ancient magical sword, and is verifiably able to wound it. It smacks her in the face and she gets knocked to the ground. Now, the question of the day is, would you do in this situation? Faced with a magical creature of unknown abilities, except that it can open magical doors by itself and can be hurt with a magical sword; holding that same freaking magical sword in your hand; being the greatest assassin on the flipping continent who can cut down multiple people coming at you at once (ala warehouse); and being positioned in a very defensible hallway; do you: A) Scramble upright and put your back to a wall or corner, and kill the thing when it comes at you again?

B) Scramble upright, turn your back on it, and run away?

WHICH OPTION DOES OUR DARLING ASSASSIN PICK?!?!?

Then, as she finds out, it’s freaking strong and fast and it grabs her from behind lmao didn’t see that coming.

She gets free and stands there facing it, and, c o n v e n i e n t l y, instead of attacking her it randomly starts clawing at itself and screaming. (It was probably supposed to be in response to her, “What are you?” question, but that’s not what the author said. She said, “suddenly.” So I went, “...ok.”) Being stared at hatefully by a strange creature somehow makes her think it’s the most dangerous thing she’s ever seen, so she turns her back and runs away again (Hellooo, you killed a ridderak with that very sword.), and magically seals a door behind her to give her a few extra seconds. (Finally, one good decision!)

She meets D0rian, who also, by the way, had absolutely asinine logic for following her into the until-now-lost underground catacombs: just wait ten minutes and you can totally pretend it's a coincidence that you ran into her!! Yeah. Definitely.

Tall Gollum busts through the door, and they both run for the entrance to the catacombs in the secret part of the library. They have NO plan about how to kill it, and are just presumably going to, instead of facing it down in a simple hallway, let it follow them into the freaking library, where there are a multitude of places for it to get away from you and hide and pop out and kill you.

They are conveniently being able to outrun Tall Gollum this time, but only because Selena is super amazingly strong and fast and drags both herself and a fully-grown man up the stairs, even though she couldn't outrun the monster on her own 5 seconds ago.

This leads to a really contrived bit where they have to hold the door shut while they find the spellbook. If she had simply learned the binding spell beforehand, they could have done the same thing back in the hallway, and it could have served the same purpose of revealing both of their magic, without most of the illogical choices and contrivedness. The prince could have made it further down to her while she fought the creature, and if she couldn't kill it, she could have slowed it down and bolted out the next door, which they could have held closed, the prince using his fae magic, while she drew the wyrd magic spell. They open the door, she cuts off its head. Boom.

The author also could have kept the imagery of the amulet flaring in the dark and making the creature hiss if she simply had the creature knock the torch from Selena’s hand and put it out. Selena putting out the torch herself was indefensible in terms of actual strategy, and when you sacrifice logic and good fighting technique simply for a moment of good imagery, you lose a ton of respect with me.

And another thing bugs me. Selena has ONCE mentioned looking for footprints in dust: in the first book, in the secret passage out of her room. Then she never uses that again. Never once that I can recall on her trip through the catacombs did she look in the dust for footprints...but makes a huge deal about how everything's covered in cobwebs.

And if the king and co (and creature!) have been traipsing around, there should be clear evidence!

Once again (ala squeaky doors), the author has done a little research, stuck an intelligent tidbit in once, then completely forgotten about it. This is what I mean when I say she hasn't committed to the "badass assassin” theme. She likes the idea, the aesthetic, but she's not thinking like an assassin every second she writes the character. Selena should be acting more like Mad-Eye Moody from Harry Potter. Instead, the author just mostly refers to Selena as "the assassin" a lot and has her brag about how awesome she is to everyone around. It’s not even all about killing people--there are other ways to prove one’s competence. But Selena fails. Being an assassin is as much a mental game as a physical one, and if she’s been through such brutal training under Arobynn, I would expect her to act like it.

You can either have the best assassin on the continent, or a young fractious girl who makes all the stupid mistakes while attempting to be an assassin. You can’t have both.

Selena’s actual skill level tends to change based on what's convenient for the plot. Sometimes she does everything right and butchers a kajillion people at once, and sometimes she makes stupid mistakes or simply has actual real-world limits. The assassinry is more, "I am a shadow, I am a wraith of the night, look at me being epic and poetic," with a few inconsistent accuracy details, than, "I'm a human who's going to actually follow my damn training and that's why I'm so good." I end with a book recommendation. If you hated all the stupid decisions made by Selena here, you should read Ranger’s Apprentice by John Flanagan. That series is how I learned enough to stare at the inaccuracies in Throne of Glass with horror and frustration. ;) Perfect it’s not, but he tells an amazing story and you should totally check it out.

#anti tog #anti sjm #selena: i didn't slice deep enough! #me: SLICE DEEPER NEXT TIME #selena: I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY NOW #sure karen