#i KNEW my sister and i referring to litter as poop rocks was gonna bite me in the ass one day

[call-me-corvid]

I can never go back to my local petsmart

I went in to buy more cat litter, and i was at the counter waiting on the cashier to ring me up, and was giving her my phone number for the rewards, when i looked down and cut off mid-sentence, said “shit me sideways” and then BOOKED it out of the store doing a perfect T 1000 Terminator sprint across the parking lot

The lady before me forgot her phone on the counter. I saw it, saw her halfway to her car, and didnt think twice before sprinting after her. I returned her phone, returned inside, then slapped my card down on the counter and said, while making full eye contact with this poor, bewildered cashier (who, from her perspective, just saw a customer suddenly bolt from the store to sprint a lap in the parking lot for no fucking reason), “I’ll pay for the poop rocks now.”

Because apparently when im panicking i’ll just say whatever comes to mind first.

Im never going back to that petsmart again jesus christ

#i KNEW my sister and i referring to litter as poop rocks was gonna bite me in the ass one day #and also #what the FUCK is ‘shit me sideways’??? #i mean i know what it is #it was me wanting to say ‘fuck me sideways’ #but there were kids at the next lane over #so i tried go clean it up #which apparently means i default go subbing out ‘fuck’ for ‘shit’?????? #listen #im not good at the spontaneous speaking of any sort #so when i have to improv literally ANY part of a conversation with a stranger #then i cannot be held liable for what bullshit comes out of my mouth #story time #pets #i guess