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#hunky hot redhead
equilibriumgirl · 1 year
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So Fuse TV has been showing three-hour blocks of Buffy lately, much to my delight.  But after today's block ("Teacher's Pet", "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date", and "The Pack"), I can't believe people were out here showing their whole ass with the NERVE to say Buffy was the show's worst character, when Xander was right there.   He's passive aggressive.  He's possessive.  The epitome of the fake "nice guy."  His bad behavior is shrugged off because of monster of the week reasons (Fandom decries any attempt to make Spike a good guy after the events in "Seeing Red" [a debate for another post], but everything Xander said and tried to do to Buffy "The Pack" was totally hunky dory because "Hurr Durr Hyenas?"). Meanwhile Buffy is actively saving the day and trying to live her life while forgiving her friend for his shitty behavior.   (Including, but not limited to trying to throw off Buffy's date with another dude by both insisting Buffy wear a parka, and saying that red lipstick will make her look like a whore, AND telling the dude that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed or touched?)  I have even less sympathy for all his whining about being single when he didn't have to be.  Buffy may not have noticed you, dude, but Willow is there and wants a piece.  Hello, hot redhead is into you, you idiot - even though you don't deserve her, either.   (And this isn't even touching the Joss Whedon of it all. The entire time, Joss Whedon was saying that Xander was the character he was most like.  Maya Angelou had it right - when someone tells you who they are, you should listen.)  
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dollycas · 1 year
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Something's Guava Give: A Tropical Island Cozy Mystery by Carrie Doyle #Review
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Something's Guava Give: A Tropical Island Cozy Mystery Cozy Mystery 2nd in Series Setting – Caribbean Island Poisoned Pen Press (January 25, 2022) Mass Market Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1728232368 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎978-1728232362 Kindle ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0915QZ6WD
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Nothing ruins an ocean view like a body on the beach! Plum Lockhart went out on a limb when she ditched her corporate job in New York City and moved to the Caribbean island of Paraiso. Now the head of her own villa broker agency, Plum spends her days chasing down clients and lounging on white sand beaches. But the sweet life turns sour when a publishing heiress is found dead at the mansion of an eccentric tycoon, Dieter Friedrich. Even worse, Plum's old colleague cashes in a favor and asks her to investigate. It looks like she'll need to fit a murder case into her already jam-packed schedule! Friedrich is known for his shady dealings, but he's not the only bad apple on the island—Plum will have to contend with a scheming millionaire, a sleazy rockstar, and devious B-list celebrities. And joining Plum once again is Juan Kevin Munoz, the distractingly gorgeous Director of Security. Despite the sparks between them, they'll need to stay focused on the case—there's a murderer hot on their heels! Dollycas's Thoughts Plum Lockhart took a big step leaving New York for Paraiso, a Caribbean island overflowing with tourists. Now she takes another big step by starting her own villa brokerage agency. In the midst of finding the perfect tenants for her clients, renovating villas, and trying to get in a little beach time she finds herself in the middle of another murder investigation. A young publishing heiress runs into a little trouble in paradise and an old employee from New York, someone she fired right before she was let go, Gerald Hand, begs Plum to help the girl, his new boss's daughter out of it. Plum does but then the next day she learns the heiress was found dead on the private beach of Dieter Friedrich, an eccentric fat cat with a crazy theme park-like estate with a group of bizarre friends and staff. Soon Gerald arrives on the island and moves into Plum's guest room to help her catch the killer. Gerald gets more caught up in island life while Plum deals with Dieter Friedrich, his employees, some B-List Celebrities, a rundown rockstar, and other assorted island residents as she works with the hunky Director of Hotel Security, Juan Kevin Munoz, to catch a killer before they become victims themselves. _____ Paraiso is a zany island if you live there, hopefully, the tourists can avoid all the drama. Feuds between families, jealousy, greed, lust, envy, heck all the seven deadly sins are apparent on this island of paradise. Sadly our protagonist, Plum, a tall redheaded American, gets caught up in it all as she tries to find her place and solve a murder. Her new friend Lucia, a small sixty-year-old grandma Paraison, accompanied her to start her own villa broker agency Plum Lockhart Luxury Retreats. Lucia knows everyone and the ways of the island. It will take both of them to make the business a success. I wasn't really a Plum fan when reading the 1st book in this series, It Takes Two to Mango, but I liked her much better in this book. She is still adjusting to island life but still has a lot of New York attitude to work through. It is Juan Kevin Munoz, the Security Director that I really enjoy. His laid-back way of life is just so comfortable. He grew up on the island so while he takes things like murder very seriously he understands how to handle danger on Paraiso. His interactions with Plum are filled with romantic tension and are very entertaining. He is doing his best to keep her safe while the murder investigation unfolds. He knows she can't keep her nose out of it and that knowledge is half the battle. Of course, having Gerald tagging along in his leather pants on a tropical island adds to the chaos but sometimes it is pretty darn funny. Yes, there are a bunch of secondary characters but they all have unique traits, good and bad. Some live on unique estates too. The author's descriptions really brought the people and places to life. Let me tell you, Dieter Friedrich has some outlandish tastes and weird things on his estate and I easily envisioned it all from her words. The mysteries are very well-plotted and Ms. Doyle sets a quick pace. There was a slew of suspects to work through and again Plum isn't always the best amateur sleuth, she needs to work a little more on her questioning and eavesdropping techniques but that just adds to the fun for readers. There were several twists and turns too but all the clues do come together setting up a very satisfying reveal. Something's Guava Give was a very amusing cozy mystery. Heavy on quirky characters but set on a delightful island paradise. The mystery was complicated and kept me guessing the whole way.  I am looking forward to reading The Girl With the Dragonfruit Tattoo soon.
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Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent
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Carrie Doyle is the best-selling author of multiple novels and screenplays that span many genres, ranging from cozy mysteries to chick lit to comedies to Young Adult. A born and bred New Yorker, Carrie has spent most of her life in Manhattan, with the exception of a six-year stint in Europe (Russia; France; England) and five years in Los Angeles. A former Editor-in-Chief of the Russian edition of Marie Claire, Carrie has written dozens of articles for various magazines, including countless celebrity profiles. She is also a screenwriter, and her movie Intern (co-written with Jill Kargman) premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Carrie has three books that will be published in 2021: Death on Bull Path (the fourth book of the Hamptons Murder Mystery Series); The Murder Game; and It Takes Two to Mango (the first book of the Trouble in Paradise Series.) Carrie currently splits her time between New York and Long Island, with her husband and two teenage sons. Website
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Also by Carrie Doyle
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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Receiving a complimentary copy in no way reflected my review of this book. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. Read the full article
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zensasian · 2 years
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southern-god1 · 2 years
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What are your thoughts on these NFL QBs as a dominating giant: Josh Allen, Baker Mayfield, Joe Burrow.
How would you rank them from most like to see them as a dominating giant to least? What would you like to see them do?
Hmmm.
1: Baker is from Texas, and is probably the hottest of the three in my opinion. Maybe grow him and unleash him on Cleveland as a giant, crushing puny Yankee runts, eating handfuls of them, drinking giant beers and rumbling out beer burps. He was also featured as a gargantuan god in a couple hot stories by steponme23 on Coiledfist, so that’s probably influencing my like of him.
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2: Joe Burrow is cute. He’s from Iowa, so he’ll need some Southernization, but I can see him being a cute giant, crushing Yankees, crushing Cincinnati and his former fans, maybe alongside the hunky Texas redhead and former Bengal, Andy Dalton.
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3: Josh Allan…he’s pretty cute. From California and playing for a New York team, so definitely needs Southernization before being grown, but I can see him stomping through Buffalo, crushing his former Yankee teammates and fans.
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Interesting ask! Thanks!
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lunarianillusion · 3 years
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A change in fate
a maribat fanfic
Chapter 02
Along with the changes to her room, Marinette had also changed her wardrobe. She now wore a cropped baby blue hoodie over a grey-purple shirt, that matched her leggings. Over her leggings she wore a high waisted demin coloured skirt with matching heeled ankle boots. A new larger purse, more a satchel really, hung from her shoulder. It allowed her to carry her sketchbook and other tools more easily. Her hair now mostly hung lose over her shoulders with two braids coming from the sides and connecting at the back of her head.
Once she was ready Marinette walked at an easy pace to the agreed meeting spot. Duusu Had taken to hiding within her hood, so that they could drink in all of the sights. Being both not used for a hundred or so years and being broken, made this a real treat for the little peafowl. Marinette could practically feel the little god vibrating with joy, to be outside in the world again. 
The sun was shining through the clouds and a soft breeze made the early autumn leaves rustle in the trees, as the two reached the park. Marinette could already spot the red-haired omega sitting on a bench close to the pond in the shade of a willow tree. He was fidgeting with a pencil and his sketch book lay on his lap. His posture looked tense.
By the look of it he too had a wardrobe change. Marinette was gonna bet that Marc had helped with the ensemble. Those two were inseparable. He wore a white long-sleeved turtleneck shirt with grey stripes on his chest. Faded navy pants and a jacked tied around his waist. A black and white backpack with rainbow details sat beside him.
“Hey, Nathaniel,” Marinette called out, gaining said boy’s attention as she neared.
“Hey, Marinette,” Nathaniel greeted, his shoulders losing the smallest amount of tension. “Glad you could come. I hope you weren’t too busy.”
“Circumstances made it so that I had nothing scheduled today. But I do hope you were not lying about it being important. Otherwise I will send the Fury’s of art upon thee,” The blue-eyed girl exclaimed in a posh voice. Marinette hoped that it would lighten some of the tension that was flowing through the air and it seemed to work. There was no need for an Akuma today.
“Oh, I beg mercy of thee. Do not condemn me to such a fate, for I would not dare to break my vow,” Nathaniel exclaimed in kind, placing his hand on his heart. It made both of the omegas chuckle and the hidden kwami purr softly.
“So, what is it you wanted to talk about?” Marinette asked, as nonchalant as possible. As she sat down on the bench and pulled out a thermos from her satchel. Which held the gods elixir, coffee. “It sounded quite urgent from your text.”
“Yeah, it is,” Nathaniel said sheepishly, scratching his neck. “But it is not an easy subject to start a conversation with. Or to talk about in general, I believe. So, let me first ask you how you are feeling. I know you have probably had this question asked to many times already. But I know what it is like to be akumatized and of the nightmares that follow so don’t try to say that all is just hunky-dory great.”
Marinette hummed at his words, raising an amused eyebrow at the last bit. Before turning her gaze away from the redhead. Her sharp eyes scanning the surroundings for any uninvited guests. While she knew Nathaniel would keep to his word the scent anxiety kept her slightly on edge. Paranoia had settled deep into her over the past few years. Only the little hidden kwami’s presence was what kept her calm. For Duusu would inform her if someone with bad intentions was to come close.
After a moment of thought Marinette answered. “I was a bit shaken after the whole event, who wouldn’t? All considered though, I think I am doing pretty good.”
After the whole reveal of her being a true soul, Duusu had helped sort out her emotions. They had given her a few suggestions on how to more healthily coupe with the more negative ones. Who knew writing your problems down on a slip of paper and then watching it burn could be so therapeutic.
She turned her gaze back to Nathaniel. “As for the subject of our meeting. Just be blunt about and we will go from there. Keeping it bottled up and it will only stress you out over time and I really don’t wanna deal with an akuma right now,” She accentuated the last part of her statement.
“Yeah, that would really kill the mood wouldn’t it,” Nathaniel sighed. He took a small breath to collect his courage as Marinette took another sip of her coffee. Then Nathaniel bluntly stated: “I know that you are the original ladybug.”
Cue spit-take from Marinette. Mental panic has reached its peak! Abort!! ABORT!!!
“Uhm…I don’t know wha-”
“Don’t even try Marinette. The amount of times I saw ladybug land on your balcony only for you to leave through the front door and vice versa. Was a big enough give away. After that your physiques just matched up,” Nathaniel boldly interrupted. Leaving Marinette in a stunned wide-eyed stare. “Hey, I might not be a fashion designer, but I am an artist and have an eye for these details just like you.” He said quickly with a small stutter. Since he was feeling a little unnerved at her wide-eyed stare. It was as if she was staring into his soul.
“How long have you known?” The female omega asked tentively, her scent spiked with anxiety. Her body language screamed that she was ready to bolt.
“For maybe seven months now,” Nathaniel replied carefully.
“Did you tell anyone?” Marinette asked further, the tension not leaving her.
“I told no one, not even Marc. I know of the importance and reasons behind a hero’s secret identity,” Nathaniel told her sincerely, allowing Marinette to breathe a small sigh of relief. The redhead then let out a small growl of annoyance. “Unlike a certain tabloid reporter and two-faced liar.” Now that that really got the noir haired girl’s attention even more than him knowing her secret.
“The spell broke,” Marinette whispered as his words settled into her brain as her eyes widened even more, if that was even possible, in surprise. While she had been frightened at the fact of him knowing her secret, but he had not told anyone. She could tell that he was honest in the fact that he had not told anyone.  Since otherwise her identity would have probably been public news by now. Secrets like this would spread around like wildfire with the slightest slip off the tongue.
So, she was now more interested in the fact that he called Rossi a liar. It meant that he had broken through her spell and she wanted to know how he came to this revelation. Had it come after he had fond out about her hidden I.D. or was it something else. She was practically vibrating with a curious need to know and asked him about it.
Nathaniel turned his eyes to the sky, several emotions running trough them. Most prominent was the look of shame and pain. “It did weaken her hold over me, but what really made me realise she was a liar was when she promised to introduce me to one of my idols. One I know to have passed away. I won’t say their name, but that really broke the illusion for me,” He spoke bitterly.
Marinette let out a pained hiss at that. Knowing how painful it is to have someone disrespect your inspirational idols in that manner. She softly rubbed his shoulder in comfort and gave a small apology. Nathaniel let out a gloomy laugh and turned his eyes to the ground.  “You have nothing to apologize for Marinette. I should be the one to apologize. For never mastering up the courage to stand up for you even after I realized Lie-la’s grandeur was nothing more than empty words. And I am truly sorry for that. Because after everything you have helped me with, I really should have.”
Marinette felt her heart flutter at his apology and then he just kept on rambling about how he should have stood up for her. How he should have trusted her. Making her feel hot tears gather in her eyes. She had waited so long to have one of her friends back and here was one. Trying his best to make amends and unlike the rest of her class, he had never hurt her in the same way the others had. He always remained kind to her even before he knew of her secret. He may have been afraid to stand up but did not try to ruin her life like the others. So, she had no trouble pulling him into a hug. At first it shocked the boy, but he gratefully returned the gesture.
“Don’t blame yourself. You did not do anything wrong. You did not turn your back to me like the others did. I don’t blame you for not standing up against Rossi. You would have only painted a target on your back, and she would have made you feel miserable. Like with me,” Marinette whispered. “And I need to thank you for keeping my secret all this time. It means the world to me.” Nathaniel tightened his hold on the girl as a few tears of relief and gratitude fell from his eyes, as the words left her mouth. Duusu nuzzled against her neck in comfort. A feeling of pride washing over the kwami of emotion at his little bird.
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After they let go of each other they settled back into more comfortable sitting positions. The atmosphere feeling lighter than it had been around them for a long while.
“If it is okay to ask,” Nathaniel spoke carefully. “Is the new ladybug permanent? Because if I am being honest, I don’t really trust her.”
Marinette let outa pained sigh. “I made a grave mistake and because of that this new ladybug has the ladybug miraculous. I don’t know how to rectify this mistake, but I will find a way. That is a promise.”
“You always find a way,” Nathaniel assured. “I’ll keep my eyes open as well. I might not be the bravest, but I want to help. After everything I need to help. Even the tiniest bit.” Marinette wanted to say he did not have to. He did not let her say it. “You have forgiven me, but now I need to forgive myself. So let me help. Paris is my home to.”
It made Marinette smile as she felt the sincere emotion and determination flood of her fellow omega. “Now if only I knew how Lie-la is capable of keeping our classmates and others at her bag and call. That might help take bit of stress of my back,” She sighed. Her eyes scanning the sky, hoping it held the answers.
This made Nathaniel scratch his neck again sheepishly. “Marc and I may have a theory on how she keeps everyone under her spell, actually,” He mumbled off.
Marinette whipped around so fast it was a wonder she did not get any whiplash. She grabbed the redhead’s shoulders and looked straight into his turquoise eyes. Her own silvery blue crystal eyes were ablaze with a cold fire. “Please explain how that two-faced bitch is killing all the fucking braincells of the people around us and turning them into fucking sheep,” Her voice had an icy chill to it that sent shivers up the Nathaniel’s spine.
“I didn’t know you could curse,” Nathaniel said trying to curl away from the internally raging female omega.
It resulted in Marinette raising an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Trust me when I say Chloe can swear like a bloody sailor. So, I learned a few things from her,” She huffed a small smirk on her face. She then let go of his shoulders, giving the redhead some room to breath, as a curios gaze replaced the once cold fire. “Please share. My curiosity is going to kill me.”
Before Nathaniel could start telling her about the theory however, a loud explosion penetrated the air. Both omegas turned to the source of the sound. A good distance away they saw a person a top a glider. They cackled madly as they threw loud explosives around.
Really Hawkmoth, can’t they have one day of peace? 
The answer: Nope.
“How about we continue this conversation tomorrow over lunch. Chloe and Marc can join in on the theory. I do believe Chloe will be thrilled to know how Lie-la is capable of maintaining the utterly ridiculous situation at school,” Marinette proposed. Her eyes never leaving the new akuma.
“You are going to investigate, aren’t you?” Nathaniel asked nervously. Marinette simply nodded not looking at him. He sighed, “I won’t be able to change your mind, will I? How can I help?”
“It would be best for you to get to safety,” Marinette advised. Turning to look him directly in the eye and stopping him from objecting. “You have no need to worry about me. I still have an ace up my sleeve. So, trust me,” She assured with a mischievous look in her eyes.
Nathaniel stared uneasily at his fellow omega before nodding. “Alright but be careful, okay, I better see you at school tomorrow.” Was the last thing he said before grabbing his stuff and turning away to go to one of the akuma shelters. Leaving Marinette alone.
Taking a quick survey of her surroundings, to make sure the coast was clear, she asked Duusu to come out. “Are you ready?” the little god asked. Marinette smirked in reply. Let’s see what they were capable of.
“Duusu, Spread my Feathers”
Authors note: hey i hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. a few people have been asking me about adding them to my taglist and being honest i am not sure of how to do that. i am still very new with tumblr, but once i finally stop being dumb i'll be sure to do that. i hope you will stick around to the rest of the story. stay save.
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papipopsicle · 3 years
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AFTERTASTE PART FIVE
Pairing: Archie Andrews X Reader
Genre: fluff and some angst
Summary: In which two best friends since childhood test whether sex and friendship can co-exist without causing conflict. Including OC's Flick and Cherry, a bisexual and lesbian in a sapphic relationship who are best friends of Y/N.
Song: Candy by Doja Cat
Warnings: swearing, minors consuming alcohol
Words: 3.6K
MASTERLIST
feedback is always appreciated
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     Y/N lasted two weeks before thoughts of even throwing the bet came to mind. She had been strong so far; making sure to wear her tightest outfits and highest heels, being extra touchy-feely with Archie and not reacting to his moves in the slightest. Her personal favourite moment was sitting on his lap at the Twilight Drive-In and giving him a hard-on whilst Kevin and Betty sat next to them non the wiser.
But now, on day eighteen, she needed reinforcements. The redhead realised his attempts were failing miserably and he couldn't help his reactions to Y/N’s provocative movements. He turned it up a notch, becoming rather possessive of the five foot blonde knowing she enjoyed that side of him. He carefully walked the line of teasing and taunting like a tightrope, always whispering in her ear and letting his hand rest on her inner thigh under the table. And now, Y/N found herself wanting to pounce him whenever he caught her eye. It was getting out of hand, so she called for the only two people who could possibly help.
"Have you tried doing the bend and snap?" Cherry asked out of the blue, her head rested on her girlfriends lap as the three watched Clueless from the comfort of Felicity's bed.
"Babe," the blue haired girl said with a sigh and took a handful of M&Ms, "I love you but I don't think our answer lies in a two-thousand's rom-com."
"Hey, it worked on you, didn't it?" The brunette grinned smugly and leaned up to kiss the girl above her, earning a handful of chocolate to be launched in their direction and a disgruntled groan from the blonde sitting beside them.
Y/N pouted, "Please stop reminding me how single I am."
At this, the two girls pulled away and sent her the same bewildered look, "You wouldn't be if you told that hunky ginger you're in love with him!" Flick barked, a hand playing with the hem of her partner's shirt whilst the other flew up in desperation.
The y/h/c girl sent her friends an incredulous glare, it only growing when their shared 'you know I'm right' smile made an appearance. She took a handful of sweets and irritably shoved them in her mouth, "I am not in love with Archie Andrews... I just want his body on my body... in a variety of ways, and locations... multiple times."
"Right, so let me just get this straight," Cherry sat upright and gathered her hair over one shoulder, she paused the film and sent the petite girl a serious look, "you really think a no-strings-attached relationship can actually work? Have you even seen Friends With Benefits? It doesn't work! Sure it's all fun and games now but it's only a matter of time before one of you catches feelings and shit gets real. Then we'll have to pick sides, obviously you automatically get us, but I really liked Archie, he was promising..."
"What my gorgeous girlfriend means, is that we won't have this relationship ruined because you two can't keep it in your pants. We've put a lot of work and effort into this ship and it isn't going to waste, this isn't some TV teen drama shit, there's no need to wait until season 6 to actually be happy. Don't be Lydia and Stiles." Flick rounded up, taking the remote and pressing play.
Y/N simply sighed and slouched against the pillows, her attention turning back to the TV as she sulked, "I came here for your advice, and honestly now it feels like my moms are telling me I can't have sex with my hot best friend because they ship us too hard romantically. How can sex ruin a friendship? That's like saying extra sprinkles ruin ice cream! Anyways, none of that matters unless I win this stupid bet."
"You know Y/N/N, asking a lesbian and a bisexual whose only ever been with a girl on how to seduce a boy isn't exactly your best move." Cherry commented, snuggling under her blanket with a near-empty bowl of mini-pretzels at her side.
"My advice? Just be yourself, dumbass. Clearly for some weird reason he's into that, so it's only a matter of time until he gives in and this insanity will end. Boys think with their dicks and have a lot less will-power than us. For fucks sake, he's sprung when your name's mentioned in passing conversation, clearly he wants to bone your brains out. Wait it out, you're one stubborn chick when you want to be, you got this."
Two days later, on one rather fateful Friday night, Y/N found herself in the midst of a party thrown by none other than the Blossom twins. It had been a while since she'd spoken to either of them, but since their entire year was currently making out on the couches, the invitation wasn't all that strange. She and Betty had spent the evening getting ready whilst rocking out to the cheesiest music known to their generation. The smaller blonde wore a little red number with lace cutouts, and only managed to convince her taller friend to ditch the mom-jeans for a conservative royal blue knee-length dress. Baby steps, she told herself whilst trying her best not to cut a deeper neckline in the mass of material.
Betty Cooper had absolutely no idea what was going on between two of her three best friends; and although she'd always been silently jealous of their closeness, she was used to it and didn't think twice to question it. Y/N spritzed her neck and wrists with her favourite perfume, Daisy Dream, and gave herself a final once over in the large mirror beside her wardrobe.
With perfect timing, like some magical intuition, Y/N’s phone buzzed, notifying her their ride was outside. She grinned at the taller girl and slipped her black Louis Vuitton's on, "Ready, m'lady?"
"I-I don't know, Y/N/N." Betty panicked, wringing her hands together as a worrisome look etched onto her face, "What if my mom sees us leave? She'll kill me if she finds out we're going to a Blossom party."
"She won't. And even if she does, she'll only see us getting into a car with Cherry and Flick, just tell her they invited us over for a girl's night or something... Stop worrying about the future, and start living in the now! You look smokin', I look hot, we are not wasting my precious work on Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore again, capisce?" Y/N didn't allow even a millisecond to pass before dragging the taller girl downstairs with her where they met Polly and Ren.
The four took a few quick photos together and hightailed it out to the red convertible sitting on the edge of the drive. Polly switched places with Flick and the happy couple sat in the back on each other's lap, leaving Y/N and Betty sat beside them like two spare wheels.
When the group of girls arrived, Cheryl graciously directed them down to the basement. Thoughts of being led down to a torture chamber came to mind as the redhead opened a large squeaky door, but those died down when the smell of liquor and sound of house music hit them like a brick wall.
So now, an hour into the night, it was just Betty and Y/N standing at the side of the room with a red solo cup in hand. Polly ran off to find her beloved boyfriend as soon as she arrived and Y/S/N just so happened to find herself hitting on a nearby houseplant. 'Flicky' were playing beer pong, well cider for them, against Reggie and Moose, and were winning with only one cup standing.
The petite girl, who still stood below her friend even in four inch heels, was about to save her sister from some terrible mugshots, but a strong arm stopped her in her tracks and pulled her back into a muscly chest.
"Where'd you think you're going, gorgeous?" A deep voice breathed in her ear, and a second later she ripped herself away from the boy, instantly recognising him and wishing to be the other side of the building right now. Though her actions were quick, the brunette pinned her to the nearest wall and stared hazily into her wide chartreuse-coloured eyes. Y/N actually laughed at the irony of the location, finding it funny that the last time she was in this position it was rather enjoyable.
"Fuck off, Chuck." The girl took another sip of her drink, not bothering to pay the boy any attention because that's exactly what he wanted. Though, when his arms moved from the wall to around her waist and neck, forcing Y/N to look up at him, she felt like punching the stupid smile off his smug face. But with one hand stuck at her side and the other holding her drink, she simply settled for chucking her remaining vodka-lemonade at the boy.
He chuckled cynically and wiped his face down, eyes darkening as he pushed himself against her with even more force, "Now, now. That's no way to treat the best fuck you've ever had. Why don't we go find somewhere quiet, for old times sake." He commanded, his tone leaving no room for questioning or any form of verbal consent.
But Y/N scoffed and chucked her now empty cup at his face, "Do you really want to be known for rape, as well as leaking a fifteen year old's sex tape, that you were a part of let's not forget?"
He sighed and brought a hand up to cup her face, coarse fingers gripping her jaw achingly tight, "Y/N/N, aren't we past that? I was mad and you embarrassed me in front of the entire football team, what did you expect me to do? Can't we just forget about that?" His other arm aggressively tugged her closer, "C'mon, you know you want me, slut."
Y/N had her eyebrows raised intolerably the entire time he spoke, and when she realised this had no affect on him, she cocked her head ever so slightly. That word felt so good coming from Archie's lips weeks ago. But with Chuck's intoxicated breath panting down on her made up face, she felt completely and utterly violated, physically and mentally.
She hid the look of disgust as best as possible and simply let her best fake alluring smile grace her features; Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and looked ever so sweetly into his darkened eyes, "Clayton, we were together for what, eight months? And somehow, in that entire time, you never made me orgasm, not even close. I feel sorry for any girl, or whoever else who has to put up with your shitty oral. Don't you ever, ever use that word against me or any other girl. Don't touch me, you do not and shall never have consent to touch my body, remember that." She smoothly spoke, her voice laced with sugar-coated venom.
Using his drunken and shocked state to her advantage, Y/N unhooked his arms and rushed off to find one particular individual. She fought through the endless crowd of teenagers and after ten minutes of searching, Archie was nowhere to be found. A light tapping on one shoulder caused the y/h/c girl to spin on her heels, ready to slap a bitch if it were another jock.
But thankfully it wasn't, and Y/N let out a sigh of relief when her eyes found Betty's figure. She took her taller friend by the arms and asked, "Have you seen Archie at all? There's three fucking gingers at this party and I can only spot two."
"Last time I saw him he was in line for the bathroom, and that was around five minutes ago." The taller blonde said, peering down at her friend in concern as a hand smoothed down her signature ponytail instinctively, "Is there anything I can help with?"
Betty's question almost flew right past her as she searched for the toilet queue, but thankfully she managed to make out a few words, and quickly put two and two together. Y/N shook her head and finally looked at her friend, "It's alright, but one of us is about to lose a bet, I'll tell you who once I find out."
Betty's expression contorted at that, and she began to feel an uneasiness settling in the pit of her stomach. The Cooper girl did her best to hide her jealousy along with her crush on Archie. She'd always viewed Y/N as the unwanted cog in the machine, but as the months went on she couldn't help but feel like a spare part.
With that, the petite girl marched off and soon found herself pushing through throngs of her drunken classmates until a head of fiery-red hair poked up above the crowd. He was joking and laughing with Reggie, both wearing giddy smiles whilst sipping from from their cups every so often.
Y/N was used to being easily knocked, because she was so tiny in relation to the 6 foot something masses of muscle she called her friends, so it came as no surprise when someone practically rammed her right into the middle of the boys' conversation. Luckily, being the gentleman he was, Archie's arm instinctively wrapped around her waist to steady her toppling body. Their chatting ceased and it took Reggie no less than a second to start talking to someone else, leaving the red-haired boy looking down in confusion at his best friend.
"You okay there, Tiger?" He asked, gingerly hooking a few strands of her y/h/c hair behind her ear, making Y/N crane her neck up to watch him intently for a moment. She bit down on her lower lip and let out an intoxicated little giggle, "My knight in shining armour, however will I repay you?"
Archie breathed out a deep chuckle and smirked, "I can think of a few ways..." he all but muttered. Y/N’s thoughts flickered back to just moments ago in the lull of silence, and that was all the boy needed to lead her out of the packed basement. He saw the look confliction in her eyes, not quite understanding it, "has something else happened, Y/N/N?"
"Do you remember last spring, when I finally broke it off with Chuck... and then he, you know?" She tried to clarify, but her words wavered and fell short.
"Released a video of you two without your consent and only got suspended for a week?" Archie almost growled his voice felt so heavy. He hated remembering their relationship. Not only because he wanted Y/N to be only his, but because he was forced to see his best friend humiliated and heartbroken all at the same time and couldn't stop it.
"That's the one." The girl looked down, unable to meet his eyes as her mind raced back to one of the darkest weeks of her life. But she pulled herself away from the horrible memories, "Look, it happened and I can't change that, but I really don't want to be around him right now."
"We'll go back to mine right now, Tiger." Archie affirmed with his hand now cupping her made up face, bringing her gaze back to his own.
"Woah, didn't realise you two were a thing." A slurring Reggie turned back around and winked at the pair with his usual cheeky smile, "Don't worry, I won't tell."
Y/N giggled and hiccuped at the same time, "Fuck off, Reg."
"Hey, if you hurt her, Andrews, I'll knock you into next year." The Asian boy only partly joked with his best friend.
The Robins girl pulled herself away from the wall and wrapped her arms around Reggie, "My hero!"
"Yeah, yeah." He hugged her back, not too hard though as in his drunken state he was scared he might snap her in half with all his muscular might. "I love you too, Y/N/N."
She gave him a sweet peck on the cheek before returning to Archie's side, clasping his hand in her own and leading the both of them away from the raucous party. Nobody seemed to notice in their happy little haze, even if they did, most people assumed the two were sleeping together anyway.
"Does it bother you at all?" Y/N small voice called as they walked down the narrow roads back home. She didn't know whether the answer would be something she wanted to hear, but it had been bothering her for the past minute or so.
Archie's brows furrowed, slightly more sober and completely not understanding his companion's train of thought, "Does what bother me?"
"That people assume so much about us? That we're sleeping together? That we're a couple?" She pondered.
"Not unless it's something that puts you in a negative light, otherwise I really couldn't care less about other people's opinions. Everyone has them, but the only ones that matter to me are my friends and my family's." Archie reassured her.
Y/N giggled at her own joke, "I thought you were going to say they're like assholes?"
The boy looked at her incredulously.
"Everybody has one." She grinned and wrapped her arm around his waist as his own found its way to her shoulders, pulling her into his warmth. The rest of the walk was silent after that, cool summers air bringing an ease to Y/N's tipsy frame. Twenty minutes must have gone by before they saw the Andrews' household finally in view, it was anything but awkward though. Their hands clasped swinging between them, the girl's feet beginning to ache from the regrettable choice of five inch heels.
They shared giggles and passing comments that wouldn't make sense the next morning, gleeful smiles hanging from cheek to cheek. Before Archie had the chance to hunt for his key, the front door opened with Fred sending the two teenagers a short look of annoyance.
"Get in already." He rolled his tired eyes, not wanting to question why his son's best friend was currently looking up at him with hidden adoration as she slipped off her shoes.
Y/N hiccuped and sent the adult an apologetic smile, "Sorry if we woke you, Freddie."
"I couldn't sleep anyway, kid, don't worry about it." Fred gave her a kind smile and felt her small frame hug his own. He returned it as always and after a few moments, let the teenagers carry on upstairs. The girl immediately went into the bathroom and found her small bottle of cleanser under the sink, removing her heavy make up before returning to her best friends room.
Y/N couldn't help but gawk at the sight her eyes were greeted with, the redheads body clad with tight boxers with his warm bedside lamp lighting the room, and his muscular build, perfectly. Her hands lightly traced his back, making Archie jump before leaning into her touch.
"I'm still going to win this bet," She whispered, shutting the bedroom door and pulling the boy down to his bed with her, "but Arch, can I ask you something?"
Y/N's head nearly reached the wall as the redhead towered over her, hot breath tickling her skin while he rest himself against her without putting any weight down. "Of course." The words floated from his lips so easily, knowing his whole life he'd do anything or answer whatever she wanted.
"Do you think we're meant to be more than friends? I think I've finally realised it's not that we were never and will never be romantic in each other's minds, it's always been that way but we've just never really known." The Robins girl seemed so sure of her words, staring up into his amber eyes with so much honest admiration.
He watched her for what felt like forever, not knowing whether it was the alcohol in them both or just that the little game they were playing didn't matter anymore, and decided to throw that away. A short gasp fell from Y/N's lips as Archie caught them, rolling over and pulling her on top of his chest.
"You're right, I've always wanted us to be more than friends Y/N/N, ever since Leonardo went missing when we were in sixth grade and you kissed my cheek when I found him." Archie propped himself up and returned that same gesture. She stole a kiss but he didn't let it end, running his fingers through her curled blonde hair.
"Arch?" Her small voice called out, sitting atop of his torso still in her revealing red dress. He nodded back with the biggest smile, unable to control the pure joy as her next words tumbled into the world, "Will you be my boyfriend?"
"I don't have a choice, since I lost the bet, do I?" He mocked, smile not falling as she hit his chest and rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course, yes, I'll be your boyfriend."
PART SIX
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handthigh · 4 years
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Soooo I may or may not have gone crazy and gone stupid and wrote a whole ass one shot fanfic of Tianshan in the office AU
ETA: this is now also available at AO3! (ETA 2: This is now a multichapter fic!)
Big thanks to the people over at Tianshan discord for taking a read and giving me the feedback. The fic follows right after this paragraph, with notes at the end of the fic.
He Tian (Work):
Little Mo, pass me a stapler (6:35pm)
Frowning at the message notification, Mo Guan Shan wordlessly takes the stapler lying on his desk and wheels his chair out of his cubicle to pass to his next door neighbour who grins upon receiving the stationery from the redhead. The reciprocity is not returned however, as Guan Shan wheels back into his cubicle to complete a report the supervisor had dumped onto him 15 minutes before the time he ends work. It is already bad enough that he is working overtime on a Friday while being the only one stuck with He Tian, the last thing he needs is for the annoying colleague to interrupt his progress.
The report turns out even more taxing than expected, further souring Guan Shan’s mood. He glanced at the time displayed on the laptop, “6:55pm”. Great, the report’s barely done and closing time sale at the nearby sandwich shop is already over. So much for a “quick task”, he scoffs bitterly at his supervisor’s words.
As if He Tian can read his mind, comes another text:
He Tian (Work):
Little Mo, are you cursing out the boss in your head again? (6:57pm)
Damn it, not another interruption. Glancing at the new message, Guan Shan cringes at the accuracy of the guess. Guilt quickly turns into irritation however, as he glares at the cubicle separating him and the culprit of these messages. This has been going on for about 3 months now, ever since he was assigned to be seated with He Tian at the corner of the office. The reason? The supervisor claims that only the short tempered Guan Shan is immune to the raven haired’s hunky looks while workers of all genders in their department are too busy admiring He Tian to work productively. Guan Shan tries to suppress his gag upon the memory.
First of all, Guan Shan does not appreciate being called short tempered. He just has little patience and a lot of irritation for mindless small talks and forced formalities, that’s all. Second of all, seriously? Of all words, hunky? While Guan Shan admits that He Tian is a looker because after all, he has eyes; but that is certainly an exaggeration. Sure, He Tian has the physique and face for the magazine covers, but he’s not that good looking. Especially not when he assigns Guan Shan that stupid nickname and constantly texts him for no justifiable reasons despite already repeating many times that he only wants to reserve the texting to a minimum and keep it strictly to work matters.
Wait, what the fuck? Why is he thinking about him again? Ugh, this is why he emphasises on keeping social interactions to a minimum! The report and the constant texting must have really gotten to him, because the next thing he knew, Guan Shan picks up his phone and types at his source of annoyance.
Me:
Yes, genius. Since you’re so smart and volunteered to OT with me, why don’t you make yourself useful and help me out with the report then you chicken dick! (7:05pm)
Normally Guan Shan tries to keep his temper in check, wanting to believe he is no longer the moody middle school boy that he was. Besides, this is the first job he managed to get right after graduating university 6 months ago, just in time before the recession. Thus, he is not trying to screw up an opportunity just because he got involved in some petty office drama. However, the combination of working overtime, growing hunger and unnecessary buzzing of his phone followed by He Tian’s unnecessary messages is making Guan Shan throw both caution and formalities out the window. 
He is not the only one surprised by his own outburst however, as He Tian guffaws and rolls his chair out of the cubicle to meet the redhead, currently glaring at him and asking what’s so funny.
“Chicken dick? What kind of insult is that? Also, I dunno, I just thought you’d never asked me for help.” He Tian replies with a shrug and his signature grin.
He Tian is not wrong - Guan Shan seldom asks for help, believing that it’s better to be self-sufficient than to rely on someone else. Furthermore, it allows him to avoid having to keep up with forced interactions with others. But it’s getting late and the report doesn’t seem to be finishing soon, and there is someone in the office right now, might as well right?
“So are you going to help me or not?”
“Sure, anything for you Little Mo~”
“Stop calling me that! Give me your email, I’ll share the document with you on the cloud.”
So, here they are at 7:30pm, working in a shared online document together - cubicle to cubicle. Guan Shan mainly typing out the content of the report while He Tian formats, elaborates and adds any figures and charts where appropriate; explaining his rationale to the other while he works.
As Guan Shan sees the report transform before his very own eyes, he is now confronted with the thought he’s been trying to will away for 3 days, ever since he overheard the company executives discuss whether to promote He Tian. 
As much as he hates admitting it, He Tian is talented and hardworking when situations call for it. Not only is he able to easily handle the tedious formatting that is typically required of such reports, he also goes the extra mile of further perfecting any tasks assigned to him. It also helps that he has great social networking skills to accompany his equally great looks, not only charming the other coworkers around them, but also clients and other company staff alike in network events. 
Attempting to ignore the ache of admiration growing in his chest, Guan Shan wonders why is someone as good as He Tian working at an entry level job like him in a medium sized company when the latter can easily negotiate for a much higher salary in a conglomerate. What he heard about his raven haired coworker isn’t helping much with his curiosity either.
While Guan Shan prefers minding his own business, he also doesn’t live under a rock. He has heard the rumours - that He Tian had interned for various big names while he attended an Ivy League business school and graduated a valedictorian. He was also rumoured to be taking over his family’s multinational company branch in China while his older brother gets based overseas to look over their international branches. Yet somehow, here he is, working overtime in a too small cubicle with an aloof coworker who has nothing to boast for. After all, Guan Shan’s resume mainly consists of mediocre grades in a local university that is far from being a C9 League, one proper internship experience and multiple part time odd jobs to help him pay his student loans. 
He Tian has everything going for him, and yet, why? Guan Shan is so lost in his own thoughts that he does not notice an arm reaching out to his laptop and folding it down, clasping his fingers that are resting motionlessly on the keyboard.
“Ouch! What the fuck?!” Guan Shan stands up and yelps in shock, spinning around to glare at the culprit. This proves to be a mistake as he realises he is face to face with He Tian, barely an inch away. 
Suddenly, the room feels hot and all Guan Shan can hear is his heart rapidly beating in his ears as he sees a totally different expression from the latter: lips twitching up, high cheekbones raised making them even more pronounced, coupled with a pair of grey eyes sparkling and curving in childish amusement. Even though he knows that He Tian is laughing at his expense, somehow, Guan Shan could not bring himself to break eye contact, wanting to look as long as possible until he commits He Tian’s genuine smile to memory.
“Earth to Little Mo, I said I was done with the report and had emailed our supervisor, and was thinking of treating you to a sandwich as a thanks for your effort.” He Tian replies, amusement laced in his voice as he breaks the silence.
“...How do you know I like…” Guan Shan dumbly replies, still feeling overwhelmed by the close contact to even retort He Tian as he feels his face getting even hotter.
Breaking eye contact, He Tian steps to the side and fishes out his car key, hooking the key ring to his finger. As much as he finds his flustered colleague both amusing and endearing, he makes sure to give Guan Shan some space in case the other gets too stunned and passes out. “Well, who else in this office eats those except for you? So what do you say, it'll be my treat and I can drive us there.” He Tian says as he leans back on the cubicle wall, spinning the car key around.
“.... Uh… mm” Guan Shan nodded, feeling too light headed to speak properly.
“Let’s go then.” He Tian steps out of the cubicle, making his way out as he turns off the office lights.
Guan Shan’s mind is reeling as he follows He Tian from behind. Why is he suddenly reacting like this? Why did he agree to have dinner with him? Most importantly, WHY IS HE SUDDENLY HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS OF THAT ANNOYING CHICKEN DICK?
God, he hates working overtime.
Notes:
If you made it here, thanks for reading! I’ve been wanting to write a fluffier, slice of life office romance with Tianshan for quite awhile now - an AU with no mafia drama, no She Li being a creep, just coworkers dicking around and relatively normal problems here and there. I only committed after getting reminded of this official Tianshan art by Old Xian on the discord. Aside from 19 days, I also draw inspiration from a webcomic called Senpai ga Uzai, Kouhai no Hanashi. I’m a huge sucker of slow burn fluffy Tianshan where Guan Shan is initially annoyed at He Tian and slowly and reluctantly falls for him. Hehehehehehehehe *continues to laugh in fujoshi*
Not going to lie, I do feel nervous posting it. However, after seeing many Tianshan fics (they are good! don’t get me wrong) that doesn’t have a workplace AU, I thought I’d manifest it onto the internet space! Do let me know what you think, as I am considering expanding this into a multi-fic once I stop being lazy. 
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dollycas · 1 year
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Something's Guava Give: A Tropical Island Cozy Mystery by Carrie Doyle #Review
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Something's Guava Give: A Tropical Island Cozy Mystery Cozy Mystery 2nd in Series Setting – Caribbean Island Poisoned Pen Press (January 25, 2022) Mass Market Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1728232368 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎978-1728232362 Kindle ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0915QZ6WD
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Nothing ruins an ocean view like a body on the beach! Plum Lockhart went out on a limb when she ditched her corporate job in New York City and moved to the Caribbean island of Paraiso. Now the head of her own villa broker agency, Plum spends her days chasing down clients and lounging on white sand beaches. But the sweet life turns sour when a publishing heiress is found dead at the mansion of an eccentric tycoon, Dieter Friedrich. Even worse, Plum's old colleague cashes in a favor and asks her to investigate. It looks like she'll need to fit a murder case into her already jam-packed schedule! Friedrich is known for his shady dealings, but he's not the only bad apple on the island—Plum will have to contend with a scheming millionaire, a sleazy rockstar, and devious B-list celebrities. And joining Plum once again is Juan Kevin Munoz, the distractingly gorgeous Director of Security. Despite the sparks between them, they'll need to stay focused on the case—there's a murderer hot on their heels! Dollycas's Thoughts Plum Lockhart took a big step leaving New York for Paraiso, a Caribbean island overflowing with tourists. Now she takes another big step by starting her own villa brokerage agency. In the midst of finding the perfect tenants for her clients, renovating villas, and trying to get in a little beach time she finds herself in the middle of another murder investigation. A young publishing heiress runs into a little trouble in paradise and an old employee from New York, someone she fired right before she was let go, Gerald Hand, begs Plum to help the girl, his new boss's daughter out of it. Plum does but then the next day she learns the heiress was found dead on the private beach of Dieter Friedrich, an eccentric fat cat with a crazy theme park-like estate with a group of bizarre friends and staff. Soon Gerald arrives on the island and moves into Plum's guest room to help her catch the killer. Gerald gets more caught up in island life while Plum deals with Dieter Friedrich, his employees, some B-List Celebrities, a rundown rockstar, and other assorted island residents as she works with the hunky Director of Hotel Security, Juan Kevin Munoz, to catch a killer before they become victims themselves. _____ Paraiso is a zany island if you live there, hopefully, the tourists can avoid all the drama. Feuds between families, jealousy, greed, lust, envy, heck all the seven deadly sins are apparent on this island of paradise. Sadly our protagonist, Plum, a tall redheaded American, gets caught up in it all as she tries to find her place and solve a murder. Her new friend Lucia, a small sixty-year-old grandma Paraison, accompanied her to start her own villa broker agency Plum Lockhart Luxury Retreats. Lucia knows everyone and the ways of the island. It will take both of them to make the business a success. I wasn't really a Plum fan when reading the 1st book in this series, It Takes Two to Mango, but I liked her much better in this book. She is still adjusting to island life but still has a lot of New York attitude to work through. It is Juan Kevin Munoz, the Security Director that I really enjoy. His laid-back way of life is just so comfortable. He grew up on the island so while he takes things like murder very seriously he understands how to handle danger on Paraiso. His interactions with Plum are filled with romantic tension and are very entertaining. He is doing his best to keep her safe while the murder investigation unfolds. He knows she can't keep her nose out of it and that knowledge is half the battle. Of course, having Gerald tagging along in his leather pants on a tropical island adds to the chaos but sometimes it is pretty darn funny. Yes, there are a bunch of secondary characters but they all have unique traits, good and bad. Some live on unique estates too. The author's descriptions really brought the people and places to life. Let me tell you, Dieter Friedrich has some outlandish tastes and weird things on his estate and I easily envisioned it all from her words. The mysteries are very well-plotted and Ms. Doyle sets a quick pace. There was a slew of suspects to work through and again Plum isn't always the best amateur sleuth, she needs to work a little more on her questioning and eavesdropping techniques but that just adds to the fun for readers. There were several twists and turns too but all the clues do come together setting up a very satisfying reveal. Something's Guava Give was a very amusing cozy mystery. Heavy on quirky characters but set on a delightful island paradise. The mystery was complicated and kept me guessing the whole way.  I am looking forward to reading The Girl With the Dragonfruit Tattoo soon.
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Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent
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Carrie Doyle is the best-selling author of multiple novels and screenplays that span many genres, ranging from cozy mysteries to chick lit to comedies to Young Adult. A born and bred New Yorker, Carrie has spent most of her life in Manhattan, with the exception of a six-year stint in Europe (Russia; France; England) and five years in Los Angeles. A former Editor-in-Chief of the Russian edition of Marie Claire, Carrie has written dozens of articles for various magazines, including countless celebrity profiles. She is also a screenwriter, and her movie Intern (co-written with Jill Kargman) premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Carrie has three books that will be published in 2021: Death on Bull Path (the fourth book of the Hamptons Murder Mystery Series); The Murder Game; and It Takes Two to Mango (the first book of the Trouble in Paradise Series.) Carrie currently splits her time between New York and Long Island, with her husband and two teenage sons. Website
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Also by Carrie Doyle
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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Receiving a complimentary copy in no way reflected my review of this book. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. Read the full article
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letteredlettered · 5 years
Note
what does David and Patrick doing grocery shopping look like. they must do some grocery shopping sometimes I suppose.
There’s this great fic called have you met my family that is about how David doesn’t want to return to the grocery store where he had his failed experience has a grocery bagger and Patrick makes him.
I can’t imagine they do much grocery shopping for quite some time in their relationship because David eats out almost everything and has (imo) very low interest in cooking (I mean, to me he seemed horrified that Moira made him make the enchiladas with her). Meanwhile Patrick does it on his own because it’s not an enjoyable activity to him and he’d rather spend time he gets with David doing things they both enjoy.
Eventually when they do go together, Patrick has a list and starts at one end of the store and goes down to the other. David, who has never really grocery shopped (in NYC he does things like pick up stinky cheese or pomegranates or once he stopped at a convenience store to get milk to make white Russians and felt like One Of The Common People. In Schitt’s Creek he orders his toothpaste online, buys local products, steals Alexis’s yogurt [she gets someone to buy it for her. Probably Twyla] and thinks he’s “grocery shopping” when he buys bagels at the grocery store bakery. He never does that again because they are not New York bagels so what is the point) is kind of fascinated by this and likes to watch Patrick push the cart and thinks that Patrick would be a very hot dad shopping for his children, except that David doesn’t want any children and doesn’t want Patrick to be a hot dad but a guy can fantasize. Like what if Patrick was a single dad at the grocery store shopping for his three kids and he met David (a stranger; in this fantasy they don’t know each other yet) in the freezer aisle and maybe one of the kids was with him (ew) and the kid was fussy and Patrick had to pick up the kid (hot) and David was just walking along and saw this hunky redhead (”I’m not a redhead,” Patrick interrupts, as David is narrating this fantasy) juggling the freezer things (”What freezer things?” Patrick wants to know.
“I don’t know,” says David, “things you buy in a freezer. Ice cream and mozzarella sticks.”
“You think I would feed my kid ice cream and mozzarella sticks?” Patrick asks, appalled).
“ANYWAY,” David says, “You’re juggling all the freezer things and I have to help you because of your squalling off-spring, and we meet that way, and hit it off–”
“We hit it off with my squalling infant?” Patrick says.
“You put the kid away somewhere,” David says.
“Like in the freezer?” Patrick says.
“It falls asleep,” says David.
“Maybe you offer to hold it,” says Patrick. “That would be very charming.”
“I choose death, thanks,” says David, and doesn’t narrate the rest of the fantasy about maybe making out in the freezer section, because Patrick is right, it doesn’t work with the kid there. None of it works with kids there, but Patrick would still be a hot dad; maybe he can just be a hot single guy and they meet in the freezer section.
“But why the freezer section, David?” says Patrick. “Can it be by the vegetables?”
“And you find out I don’t know how to cook?” says David, “and you offer to give me private lessons.”
“Would you offer to pay me?” says Patrick, “because if I’m a hot single dad, maybe I don’t have time to–”
“I changed the dad part,” David says impatiently. “Keep up.”
“We don’t need those,” Patrick says, because David has just put popsicles into the cart. David is trailing along behind him while Patrick is methodically going over his list, and it’s like sudden fits of passion overcome David because so far he has put leeks, artisnal cherry salad dressing, and lime popsicles into the cart, and none of it makes sense. “Your shopping makes no sense,” Patrick tells him.
“You think that now,” David says.
It never does, except for the olive oil David always insists on buying, because they do the cooking lesson fantasy, and olive oil gets used in very inappropriate ways. “It’s appropriate,” insists David, who suddenly gets a new idea. “What if you were a hot single porn star, and I met you in the olive oil aisle?”
“There isn’t an olive oil aisle,” says Patrick, but they do that fantasy too.
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futurewriter2000 · 5 years
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Changing titles ~ Pt. 1
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A/N: I felt like writing something angsty and I’m pretty good in the angsty sibling area so this is only a part one and I’ll do a part two???maybe I don’t know but probably yes. Hope you guys like it. 
REQUEST: would you be able to do a James potter x sister! reader, please?💓
xx
Having a sibling was complicated. Sometimes you can get along really well and the next you’re throwing something in their face and shouting.
That was the case with your big brother, James. The two of you went along great before Hogwarts and even when he was in his First year but after you came to Hogwarts everything changed.
It was more of a prison for you as he followed you everywhere around the school but the only place he couldn’t come to, was your dorm. Because you were a Gryffindor, sure, but you were also a girl and boys weren’t allowed to girl’s dormitories. Not in a single house.
To be honest you were never the kind of girl to actually follow the rules. You might have gotten that from James but you were more of a rebel than he was. He was on the good side with your parents, the first child, a son, the golden boy... while you were a girl, an extra as you always felt like it.
That is why you never much hung out with James and his friends. You didn’t want to be known because of him. You wanted to be your own person. (y/n) Potter.
“ Hey, (y/n)! “ your friend Chilli called after you as you kept walking down the Great Hall. She was in Gryffindor as well and she was your best friend.
“ Hey Chilli.” you smiled and wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “ What’s up?”
“ Hogsmeade. You, me, Thomas and Jeffrey.” she smiled and you rolled your eyes.
“ No. Not Jeffrey. You know I don’t like him.” you whined and she jumped in front of you.
“ Come on, (y/n). You’re my best friend and Thomas is hunky.” she showed you her gorgeous brown puppy dog eyes.” Plus, Jeffrey is not all that bad.” both of you turned to the Hufflepuff table, seeing two boy laugh, one, who was Jeffrey, kept trying to push all sandwiches from the plate to his mouth. “ Okay, maybe a little but at least he’s hot.”
You threw her an ugly look before rolling your eyes again and giving up on it. “ Okay fine. But he better be a good kisser.” you winked and walked away, turning around the corner and bumping into no other but you famous brother.
“ Sis.” he nodded.
“ Brother.” you replied and pushed by, walking through his group of friends and finding your way to Potions.
Because that was the thing. You and James weren’t close anymore. Maybe the two of you never were and that was the sad part.
---
After Hogsmeade, you and Chilli made your way to the common room covered in snow and made your way to your favorite seat in the corner. Both of you were laughing like two idiots but everybody was already used to that. To be honest, most of the people envied the two of you because you were both fun to be around with. Nice and a bit crazy, always up to make good and unforgettable memories.
“ I- I didn’t even know-” Chilli laughed as she tried to catch some breath. “ And while you were sno-snogging Jeffrey she came around the corner and just stared.”
“ Hey! Not my fault he’s a cheater. I didn’t know either.” you laughed.
“ But the snowman!” she laughed. “ The way she ran away- OH MY GOD!” she continued to laugh, both of you gripping your stomach and tearing up.
But on the sofa near the fireplace, there was a couple trying to enjoy their time together. But one of them, a redhead and current girlfriend of your brother was getting a bit annoyed by the laughing pair in the far corner.
“ That’s it. I can’t!” she moved away from James embrace and stood up to walk to the two of you.
“ Lily don’t.” he groaned and looked back to see what was about to happen.
She stomped her foot on the ground, crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared. “ Excuse me!” she spoke quite ferociously.
Both of you looked up and quickly calmed down, exchanging looks and smirking. “ Yes?” Chilli spoke first and you smiled.
“ Oh no.” James tilted his head back as he saw that same smile on you as he did for the last seventeen years of his life whenever you had something planned. He got up and walked towards the girls.
“ Can you keep it down with your hyena laugh. There are other people in the common room.”
“ As I remember, the common room is for everybody, not just the Head of the houses. “ you tilted your head, provoking her a little bit.
“ I can take points you know?”
“ Lily, just leave it.” James took her by the hand and tried to pull her away.
You looked at him, he looked back but nothing was there. Not the bond the two of you used to share. It was like the two of you were strangers.
“ Take points from your own house?” you scoffed in disbelief.
“ Oh, honey, be our guest. I wonder how the Gryffindors will feel after they found out that the Head Girl took points from her own house because two girls were laughing in the common room.” Chilli smiled wickedly before looking at you. “ What do you think, (y/n)?”
“ Oh, they would be so mad. Probably gossip behind her back don’t you think?” you kept your eyes on Chilli, ignoring the raging red-head beside you.
“ Actually, if I found out like that...I’ll probably hate her because then we would be losing the House Cup, you know. But I guess, the Slytherins would deserve it. They would never take house points from their own house.” Chilli finished and both of you looked at them.
“ So what’s it gonna be red-head?” you smirked while she just took a deep breath in and stormed off, leaving only you, Chilli and James behind.
“ Really, (Y/n)?” he glared.
“ I never liked her.” you smiled.
“ I never liked you either.” he spat out and stormed away as well, leaving you in complete shock.
You sat there, frozen, feeling the tears starting to gather in your eyes but kept them away from anybody to see. Chilli’s expression fell immediately down as well. She took you by the hand and looked at your teary eyes.
“ Don’t. He’s just being an ass.”
“ Yeah. Yeah. I know.” you smiled through the tears and wiped them off your cheeks. “ Just you know...he was always someone I looked up to and now we barely speak.” you continued to smile even though it squeezed you tightly in your chest.
“ Yeah...I know.”
---
James was in his room, fixing up his tie as he heard Sirius snore on the other bed and making him chuckle. He grabbed the pillow from his bed and threw it o him with much force. “ Wake up, sleeping beauty.”
“ Ughh.” he groaned, turning on his stomach. “ Nao.” he mumbled into the pillow.
“ Susie McLaggen is always early at breakfast. Might have a chance with her Pads if you go down early.” James smirked and Sirius immediately opened his eyes wide.
“ Really?”
“ Yeah. She’s a Prefect, of course, she’s always down the Great Hall first. “
“ But I heard Josh Parkinson is going to ask her out.” said Remus who just walked out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth.
“ Oh, yeah!” James beamed. “ I heard that too.”
“ What?” Sirius started to panic a bit, smiling widely, however. “ Not if I ask her out first!” he bolted out of the bed and to his trunk of clothes.
James and Remus both laughed, watching Sirius run to the bathroom and spraying himself with his favorite cologne.
---
They met again back in the Great Hall, Sirius stomping proudly back to his table. “ She said yes.” he grinned, jumping down on his seat and helping himself with some toast.
“ And?” James looked up at him from his book.
“ And what?” Sirius grinned, his head in the clouds.
“ Will she end up crying?” He smirked, taking a bite in his piece of bread.
“ Don’t they all.”
“ No. Never saw (y/n) cry,” said Remus all of a sudden, reading the Daily Prophet.
“ Lies, Moony.” Sirius immediately jumped forward.
“ Yeah, Moony. She was one hell of a crying baby.” James added and continued to chew on his food.
“ Plus I saw her crying yesterday. “ Sirius suddenly softened his expression. “ Di-Did the two of you had a row again?” he asked more seriously while James kept staring at him, his piece of bread half in his mouth and a half in his hand.
“ No. We just exchanged words.” James brushed it off, finally deciding to bite down on the bread, his appetite disappearing.
“ I don’t know Prongs. She always gets a little weird when it comes to you.” he continued, glancing down the house table and not finding you there yet.
“ Yeah. Because I’m her brother.”
“ Not what I meant but if you-”
“ Pads, leave it alone:” James snapped and all three of them looked at him. “ I have McGonagall. See you later.”
---
Sometimes it really got you thinking. Everything with James...
Somehow the words never got out of your head and you knew he probably didn’t mean it...but at nights like this, you wondered what if he really did.
You felt the sheets rumble from the other bed and steps approaching your own. Chilli laid down next to you and took your hands. “ You want to talk about it?” she squeezed your hands and looked at you with her brown eyes.
“ No.” you smiled. “ But I’m hungry...” you grinned and she immediately got the idea.
---
“ I’m just saying, my dad should have told my mum.” she smiled as she scooped another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “ But you should have seen the look in his face when I got the letter. He just went like.  ‘Bollocks. Katherine, we need to talk.’“ she finished and you laughed.
“ Did he really think he could get away with it?”
“ Imagine my mom’s reaction when finally that flying toast when I was 7 made sense.”
Both of you laughed and put down your bowl of ice cream. “ Switch.” and the two of you switched your bowls, continuing to talk and laugh together.
“ What the hell do you think you’re doing?” James came not so soon after the two of you decided to leave. “ It’s after bedtime and I catch you in the kitchen with of course who else than Chilli herself.”
“ Don’t get all mad when you do the same thing with Sirius.” you glared back, suddenly catching the red-head behind him and making you scoff. “ Really? “
Chili beside you realized what you thought and what James meant to do. “ Wow, James. Bravo!” she clapped her hands, walking in front of you. “ To stoop so low and choose your girlfriend over your sister, BRAVO!” she started to get furious.
“ You just waited, didn’t you? Looking at that piece of parchment to catch me breaking the school rules and to take points from me!” you started to get irritated just like Chilli.
“ I actually brought her to do it since you were so mouthy to her last time.” he smirked.
“ What did she ever do to you, Potter!” Chilli started to shout, standing dangerously close to him.
“ I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Gonzales.” he stood his ground and tapped his head boy badge. “ Threatening a Head Boy...not a good-”
“ I don’t care if you’re fucking Dumbledore if you speak to her like you don’t even slightly care about her-”
“ Chilli, that’s-”
“ You’ll what? Murder me. You can’t even charm Leviosa let alone murder someone. You’re nothing but a half-blood boasting on your father’s side of the family but really, you’re a worse witch than any Muggle-born.”
“ JAMES!” you cut in. “ What the bloody hell?!” you glared, pulling speechless girl behind you and taking her place “ From all the people to say that, you were the least to expect that from.” you glowered and he smirked. “ Oh yeah. You just smirk you ignorant piece of trash. Unregistered Animagnus, which you think is so cool. Bullying everybody who you feel is underneath you- you-you are nothing but a spoiled momma’s boy!” you felt your blood boil as his expression suddenly changed.
“ Momma’s boy? Hah! Well, better to be that than you!”
“ What’s that supposed to mean!”
“ They didn’t even want you! I didn’t want you! And here you are trying o get their attention because all these years you’ve been jealous of me and because I got far more mom and dad than you ever did! You were just an extra child they didn’t want to have!” he spat out and you shut up, feeling tears streaming down your cheeks.
“ James, that’s enough!” the red-head girl behind him took him by the hand and pulled him backward.
It hurt in your chest to hear him say that. It felt your knees were about the strength of a baby, barely holding you up. Tears continued to soak your cheeks and you put your hands up to your heart as you felt it was going to jump out of your chest.
That was when James realized what he has said. When he saw not the girl who was in her 6th year of Hogwarts, always up in some trouble and mischief...but the 6-year-old girl who used to look always follow him around and do everything as he does. And that little girl, who stared at him with her teary eyes and broken heart, was suddenly...gone.
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thegingerpowers · 5 years
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NEW MAN CRUSH!!
Color me HOOKED!! 
I know I’m always late when it comes to what’s hot on television but that’s because i don’t watch much.  Sue me.  So this Christmas, my sister got me the last season of a show called “Lucifer.”  I’d never seen it so the final season seemed a bit wasted on me but I smiled, said gracias, and lugged it back home to Lousiana.
Fast forward to three nights ago when I asked the hubs if he didn’t mind looking for the show so I could tell sis that I’d watched.  He did. We did. And now it’s the current Netflix binge show at our house. (It’s only competition is Corner Gas which the hubs adores for its small town, dry wit... and i believe the hot brunette who works the diner.) 
So, back to my crush. Tom Ellis. He’s british. He’s tall. He’s confident to a fault. He’s satan. He SINGS! And on the show at least, he PLAYS the PIANO. *sighs* I be in lust land. And if you have a prob with him being the man from down under... way down under... then know that I did too at first. But his charm won me over and the writers seem to recognize that christian women like hunky guys too but only if they don’t make us think we’re going to the sulfur pits just for ogling them.  (If any of this paragraph made you do a doubletake, I suggest the old adage... don’t judge a book by its cover.)
Gotta bolt.... Lucifer Morningstar is waiting. And so far the only redheads he’s met on the show are murderers... we NEED to change that. *winks*
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