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iwannaban0nym0us · 5 days ago
I’m watching DS9 and when the changeling said that changelings don’t like solids my response was:
Well guess what! I’m not a solid! I’m genderfluid!
Genderfluid Trekkies unite and come meet changelings with me!!!!
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skinnyarsonfrog · 10 days ago
do i want to kill myself or become skinny then kill myself
I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room
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iwannaban0nym0us · a month ago
My grade is planning for a prank day (which is a tradition for our school) and the doc is chaos so here is an [amended] copy of it:
[my grade] Prank Day 
hi guys convos can take up some space but go ahead we can just delete them later
Ideas (that we could use and are actually legal)
purge sound effect (or anything really) through the emergency speaker system or fake fire drill
replace the pop chips with vegetables or something
a fort in the [building name] plaza
shrines for people (bucky barnes, wanda, [grade dean], pop chips, amogus, taylor swift, emperor pika of the greater chu)
clever way to rick roll
obstacle course in the sport court
make utensils all knives (I feel like spoons would be better)
make the lunch a grape
put a gigantic shrek stuffed toy in the middle of the j plaza or an inflatable one
Make a loudspeaker announcement during the day saying something that we vote on
Cover [science teacher who left’s old room] in photos of [science teacher who left]
Rickroll literally everyone
Send a fake IT alert(we already have a fake tech office email account that I ([my friend]) made last year)
Dino to [newest building]
Send out a form and we do the thing that got the least votes
Announce a whole school meeting where literally nothing happens for 30 minutes (would have [school dean] do this or smth this isn’t possible with covid use your brains theres this thing called a zoom call you might of heard of it we have like csl days that are whole school
Let’s fill the sinks with orbeez
Hang up sharks around the I-lab (this is an FTC reference) (no its referencing the fact that the ilab is underwater) 
switch the outside [cafeteria], inside [cafeteria], and [building name] plaza tables and chairs
Delete the [grade below] they’re soo annoying
 Get a bunch of Mariachi bands to play across the school have them play different songs in different keys and time signatures but while next to each other and at the same time
 Baby on baby
 Switch all the class links on the [school name] website with someone else’s in a different grade
 Detour signs that go in a circle
 UWU into intercom
 TP [writing teacher]’s room (& [grade dean]'s?) yes do this please (I don’t even have [writing teacher])
switch all the one way arrows you realise that they are all permanently stuck to the floor then go over them
block the walkways to the [newest building](both of the ones by the [cafeteria]) (just do the detour thing to divert people away from it)
hold up honk if you (dis)like [my grade] signs at drop off (they do this every year we need to do it too)
fill a teachers room with balloons
Also here are some things that got deleted before I copied it:
Ideas (that we could use and are actually illegal)
bluetooth speakers or something + minecraft cave sounds AND MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU POOP in bathroom
Give everyone a kazoo and just constantly kazoo around campus
Give everyone toothpaste oreos >:) no hummus oreos instead, how do we get white hummus? hummus oreos actually taste good
Encourage people to take a bean boozled  “hey guys come eat my mysterious beans very covid safe” good point
Cover rooms with Taylor Swift covers :DD JKJK LOL NO NO NO OKAY IIKIK BUT HAH
who’s a chill teacher that would come to school lat like six am
Prank them by not doing a prank, but then at lunch we do our prank 
make an announcement saying the wifi is going to go out on campus (does it actually go out?) ddos the school (someone get LOIC) was about to send the link to it (it is literally malware but its because its a botnet) (so  download it anyways) (all of you) ask the admins if they give just sl cache permission we are better off just unplugging the wifi then ddosing the school yeah that’s probably a better idea
Can we get like food for everyone like cupcakes or something pleaseeeeee <3 this isn’t a prank IDC IT COULD BE PART OF ONE poison the cupcakes TAKE ME TO THE PLACE WHERE THE POISON IS laxatives (or we could just get food for the people who set up prank day)
Guys we should go to all the bathrooms and hang up a bunch of finneas in the boys and a bunch of billie in the girls bathrooms YES AGREED, and then in the gender neutral ones we can do taylor duh
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thatwouldbeunfortunate · 5 months ago
If god isn’t real, how do you explain the return of the Ray Ban sales on Tumblr for the last hours of 2020?
Checkmate, atheists.
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illeteratetolkienfan · a year ago
Me - is cleaning pool
Younger Brother: Dad sent me to help you. I'll be emotional support.
Me: I don-
Bro: Most people have dogs or small ponies. We have two dogs so.
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27candlestyx · a year ago
So I was just watching Spider Man 2 and at the very beginning when that guy goes “Woah, he stole that guys pizza!” I quietly whispered he is that guy’s pizza and started laughing so hard I oculdn’t breathe anymore and at that moment I lost all faith in myself and my sense of humor.
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emeraldoodles · a year ago
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Finally I am coloring the Draw the Squad sketches. I do love that I called all the files weird names, like this is “Fuck Him Up”. 
I now hc that Ariana is crazy and thirst for blood lol. But for real I loved drawing her. Also, I could draw Aberforth being angry all day. 
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last-cat-standing · a year ago
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So I forgot to put Venturiantale when looking up Tommy Casket and hmmm
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emeraldoodles · a year ago
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Had fun with the Draw Squad challenge. Drawing angry Aberforth is a blast; I want to draw him more, also Ariana.  Bathilda being the matchmaker was fun to draw too.
Thank @bloodtroth for suggestion to draw this. I’m planing on coloring and posting them individually... we’ll see lol
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fearmypaintbrush · a year ago
I’m taking one look at the state of the Hermitcraft fandom right now and I’m sliding over to Masa’s Minecraft modding stream and chilling in Mango streams because as much as it needs to be talked about there’s only so much you can say to people who don’t listen. I’m not blocking, but I’m slowly moving on because I’m getting tired of all the shit.
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Breakfasts in a broken home - UNCOMPLETED
Part II?
There is a small gasp as my consciousness finds me. And I force my eyes to open, heart drumming inside my chest.
I remembered most of what happened, if not everything. The fall on the bathroom, some blood, the ride on the ambulance. Plus the awareness of how out of it I was at the moment. It was a similiar feeling of when I was little and spent an entire day on the beach, that sensation at night of the waves still moving me as I laid in bed.
My eyes shut to the brigh light from the hall, and I realize how late it must be already given the dark that lurks behind the hospital curtains. Had much of the day passed? Where was Matteo? Who was taking cafe of him?
All of these questions danced in my head and a murderous headache comes with them. Groaning, I took my hands to my temples.
The bed creaks and shifts, but I'm not the one moving. I lift my head slightly, unsure what I expect.
"Hey, you're awake" his voice was hushed, and one of his cheeks had obvious sheet marks on them. Like he'd just taken an unexpected nap.
"You... you're here?" is all I could muster, scanning his face slightly.
"Yes well, your husband is with Matteo right now, and well... one of the maids decided I am the closest thing to a friend you have so I've been here for a while now."
A small chuckle escapes me, and I allow my head to fall back on the pillow "My neighbor is the only 'almost friend' I have these days, how sad."
"Consider me offended by that remark." Despite his words I knew he was smiling.
"Only kidding"
It was a relief, knowing that Matteo was with his dad. And soon the headache started to give in, allowing me to open my eyes again.
"So have they said something? Am I dying yet?"
Pratt was more than used to my dark hummor by now, probably because of the couple of times we've hanged out. But maybe saying them while in a hospital bed isn't as funny.
"Well they aren't really telling me much, I didn't fit the 'family' description. Not even for being famous."
I snort a bit "Well you are like the fourth of the Chrises so you're out of the trinity I guess"
To this he does laugh, a vibrant sort of laugh that makes me smile.
"I should just leave you here, you would rot without my care y'know?"
"I am only teasing, you're the second Chris in my list neighbor."
"Yeah, same in my kid's list."
This time I am the one sent into a laughing fit, that makes me grasp my head tightly. After a moment or two I cut my laughter short, not wanting to worsen my headache.
"Am I interrupting?"
His voice seems to ice my skin and warm my heart all at the same time. Face hidden behind a small but colorful flower bouquet, as if ashamed of something. Blonde strands of hair
... editing
"You're hurting? I can call up a nurse, I'm just waiting for Evans to get here but I don't mind."
A weird kind of silence falls in the room and I look over to the window outside, wondering how long have I been here. But before asking I'm cut off.
"I never really bought the whole 'Depression can look like this' posters where they put pictures of like, really happy people" Chris starts, and I look at him "But, when your maid called my house... she thought you'd killed yourself. I thought 'that can't be, she's always so bright' and I don't need to know how or why she reached that conclusion. And I really, really don't mean to pry but.. if there is something that you need to talk about, if something bad is going on I am here now. I'm very willing to listen, and help you in any way that I can."
It caught me by surprise, it really did. But to say I wasn't moved would be a lie. My mouth went a little dry and I felt my eyes swell up with tears, but the least I wanted was for him to realize just how close he hit home. So I chose to embrace him in a hug, instead of letting myself cry.
"You have no idea how much I appreciate it Pratt, I do." he is quick to hug back, one hand around my back and the other on the bed to support his weight.
"I mean it, I really do."
When the moment is over I sit up and rest my back on the pillows. Fidgeting with my fingers for a moment.
"I'm not gonna say everything is fine, but um, I don't think that I would ever reach those lengths. I know I have my son to care for, and I love him way too much to damage him that way. I really do feel like there are many things to look forward to, so don't get the wrong idea please. There's only, stuff, that is going on at the moment."
"I understand, I should remind you that I recently divorced. So, maybe I understand more than you may think."
Hell, could my possibly failed marriage be any more obvious? For a minute there is silence, and with a small smile he retires from the room.
"I'm, glad your maid called me.." he adverts his eyes "maybe you see it as an indiscretion on her part but, you would have been by yourself if not. And that's kinda shitty."
If this conversation went to where I think it's going Lord help me.
"I've been asleep mostly so it's not a big deal, but I'm glad as well Pratt." Keep it short, keep it smooth.
- I am posting the uncompleted version since I no longer plan on finishing this or any other pieces.
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apollosfavoritekid · 2 months ago
ik i'm def not the first person to talk ab this, but, plz, we have to see some persassy x gen Z hummor in the Disney + adaptation, it would take persassy to a whole new level, like, "it's the being turned into a tree for me 💅" at thalia, or "suffering, but make it sassy"
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sumankumarpaal · 2 months ago
• #happybirthdaykapilsharma Sir 🥰❤️🌻 No. #1 in Sense of Hummor!!
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dabisburntforeskin · 3 months ago
Funny Dabi proposing
╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗ ➥First off in my opinion (which has nothing to do w religion) Dabi don‘t care / believe in marriage, like he’s not into it bc he doesn’t see the difference between marriage and a regular relationship, anyways let’s get started 🧍🏿‍♀️
⇢ so to start off he‘s most definitely isn’t going to buy a ring
⇢ so , what would he get ......
⇢ it was l 3 AM IN THE MORNING and he came through the front door of the apartment laughing ⇢ “little shit “ he said as he walked into the room
⇢ you stared at him in annoyance “what Dabi” you said as you walked up to him
⇢ he let out a little laugh before getting on his knee’s
⇢ ”close ur eyes and put out ur hands“
⇢you did so hesitantly “Dabi I swear to god, if this is some weird shit I will slap you“ you said as you held out ur hands
⇢ he pulled something out his pocket “keep them closed “ , after that he slid something wet on ur hands “DABI-“ you said snatching ur hand back
⇢you opened ur eyes to see a CONDOM RING ON UR FINGER
⇢ you both stared at eachother in silence until busting out in laughter
⇢ ”Dabi I hate you , you know that right “ you said still laughing uncontrollably
⇢“yeah I know , I love you too dollface” he said has he sat on the ground still laughing
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cronopioastronomo · 3 months ago
Para papá
Conozco tus botas y es esa desagradable experiencia la que me hace sentir insegura. Conozco tus gestos de amor y es eso lo que me hace correr cuando te siento cerca. Conozco tu hummor negro y esa es la señal que mi existencia necesita para alejarse. Conozco tus manos, sus secas y grandes manos, y se que me cargaron, pero también se que fueron las mismas con las que empuñaste el cuchillo con el que más tarde me apuñalaste. Conozco tus vicios y se que soy uno de ellos, y también se, que los vicios estan mal. Y conozco tanto que moriría por no saber nada de ti y volver a nacer para que tu tal vez, realmente cambies, realmente me quieras y desde luego, realmente vivas. Es una lastima papá.
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wonderwomanfantasy · 3 months ago
Favorate smell
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writing for Betas is so fun
Alpha!Kirishima x Beta!Reader
warnings: smut, dirty talk, ABO things 
word count: 1,000 (about)
summary: You buy perfume so kirishima can smell you better but Kiri already knows you smell great. 
“Does it ever bug you that I’m a beta?” you asked one night while you were curled up on Kirishima’s chest. He looked down at you and squeezed you, poking your cheek
“Is that bothering you again?” he asked you wriggled away from his prodding finger and burrowed deeper into his chest. 
“No,” he mimicked. 
“It’s just, I don’t know I feel like all alphas talk about how much they love their mate’s sent and how it calms them down and we just don’t have that,” you mumbled quietly. Kirishima hummed. 
“Never really thought about it,” he said shrugging. 
“Seeing you makes me feel better and helps calm me down, I don’t need to smell you,” He declared, soothing your worries. Of all the times you’d been insecure about your status as an beata this was maybe one of the sillyer things. 
“But what about scenting? Don’t you want stuff that smells like me for when you fo into rut?” you pressed. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Suddenly, kirishima flipped you pinning you to the bed.
“The only thing I want during my ruts is you,” he purred his red eyes flashing with hummor. Erijou tilted his head to the side and kissed yout neck, scrapping the skin with his sharp teeth. You gasped, your hand flying to his shoulders. He growled in aproval at the small noise that you had made. 
You knew that he was doing this to help comoft you, and to get your mind off of it, but having him so close only amplified his scent and made you think of it even more. 
“If you’d like, we can go shopping tomorrow, and buy you some fancy perfume for you so you can scent me,” he offered. 
“I’d like that,” you said instantly. And he went back to kissing your neck, humming happily. 
It quickly became clear that Kirishima didn’t have the nose for perfumes. Half of them made him sneeze and the other half just didn’t sit right with either of you. 
“I didn’t think this would be so tricky,” Erijou said rubbing his nose and trying not to sneeze again. 
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” you sighed, dejected. 
Kirishima hadn’t really cared about this whole endevour before heading out. Like he had said the night before, he had never given much thought to your scent, or lack there of. But seeing you look so upset was a step too far for him. His alpha refused to let his mate stay unhappy. 
“Nope, we’re not giving up yet,” he decided.  “Just because perfume didn’t work out doesn’t mean nothing will, theres like body spray stuff right? Lets check that out,” he said looping his arm through yours and dragging you out to a different section of the store.
You had much better luck with the body sprays eventually. Finding one to settle on. Strawberry pound cake. 
“I like this one,” Kirishima said nussling your neck.  “Let’s take it home and then you can scent me, yeah?” he teased making you flush. You still had marks from last night you couldn’t belivie he was trying to get in your pants again
“We’re in public you horn dog,” you chided. Kirishima’s arms circled your waist and he rested his chin on top of your head. 
“Can you blame me? I’ve got this pretty little Beta all to myself of course I’m excited,” he teased. 
Kirishima had already set aside some shirts for you to scent, and he practically threw the clothes at you as soon as you got back to his room. 
“There, now I smell like you and everyone will know we’re together,” he said. Kissing your cheek playfully. His scent overwhelmed you while he pulled you close to his body, but this time it’s mixed with the scent of your own fragrance. Vanilla and sandalwood mixed with strawberry and sugar. 
Then he’s kissing your neck again as his hands wander over your body. “Erijou,” you say as a warning and you swear you hear him whimper. 
“Baby, I need you, I want to make my bed smell like you, pretty please?” he asked pouting. You sighed his rut must be getting close or something. Not that you really minded, you could lready feel warmth beginning to spread in your belly. 
“Okay Alpha, make me feel good,” you sighed, tightening your body readying to get pounced on. Kirishima did not disappoint, the title always awoke something inside of you, the red head tossed you down on the bed pouncing on you and ripping your clothes off your body. 
He growled lowly, looking down at your naked body.  “You do have smell you know,” he said pushing your thighs apart and running his nails down your legs. His eyes locked on your exposed cunt. 
“Right here,” he purred tapping your clit with one finger making you jolt. 
“I can fucken smell it everytime this sluttly little cunt gets wet you know that?” he teased bringing your legs up over his shoulder and bringing his face close to your core. 
You squeaked and impulisivly, you reched down to stop him making him growl. 
“I’m sorry who’s pussy is this?” he snapped as you retracted your hands. 
“I-It’s alpha’s pussy,” you replied meakly. 
“That’s fucking right,” he said to himself lightly blowing on your wet folds making you shiver before he inhaled deeply through his nose, apparently smelling your arousal. 
“Better than any fucking perfume,” he purred lowly, before lowering his head and devoring you, his lips suctionsing around your cunt while his tounge fell against your clit, trashing enough to make you scream.
This time you couldn’t stop your hands from flying to his head, quickly getting lost in his spikey red hair.  Uselessly you tugged at his head trying to move him but Kirishima staid routed firmly against your sex. Only his groans let you know he even felt your hands.
“You’re a pretty little girl,” Kirishima purred pulling away from your pussy with a wet pop and replacing his mouth with hhis fingers. 
“ ya’ smell good too,”
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