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thegeminisage · 3 years

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my secret galaxy brain reading of spn s11 is better than yours

or: why season 11 is good actually. this is a long-ass meta, so it's going behind the cut

some disclaimers before we get going

absolutely all of this is accidental. nobody does this shit on purpose. this is ~my interpretation~ or whatever. i'm not actually trying to argue the writers meant to do this lol. what i'm saying is that this is the way to make season 11 make sense in your brain because it makes sense in mine and it's one of my FAVORITES. it could be one of your favorites too if you stop limiting yourself

there is heavy discussion of sexual violence in this meta so read safely etc also spoilers for all of s11 obviously

unless you watched the anime, i've seen more supernatural than you have, so i'm right >:)

for the uninitiated, the basic plot of season 11 is that eons and eons ago, before there was heaven or hell or earth or humans or angels, there was only god (chuck) and the darkness (amara). amara kept destroying what god made, so he and the archangels locked her away in a cage, which removing the mark of cain from dean's arm opened. amara escaped and dean was the first thing she saw, so she spends the season using some kind of thrall over him to make him feel drawn to her and unable to hurt her, and also looking for chuck so she can give him a little payback.

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO

season 11 & sexual violence

you don't need to look very far to find examples of sexualized violence and outright sexual violence on supernatural, but s11 is lousy with it. just to name a few examples:

amara's "thrall" on dean, which we will absolutely get into more later

crowley's jokes about altar boys and the tastes of catholic priests

ALLLLL the pedophile jokes made when crowley was raising baby amara

angels torturing cas and threatening to cut his genitals off, only to send in hannah (an angel who formerly had unrequited romantic/sexual feelings for him) to play good cop(/honeypot??) in hopes of making him talk

the return of lucifer, who possessed sam (spn has a history of equating possession and sexual violence) and is heavily implied to have raped sam in hell, and the MULTIPLE times he menaces sam throughout this season, including forcibly touching his soul

lucifer possessing castiel and using him to enact violence on the winchesters, his loved ones

i absolutely REFUSE to acknowledge the lucifer/crowley stuff but if you know you know

the episode with the kissing curse, using "love" as a means to deliver death

dean's possession in the soul eater episode

the "chitters" monsters involving mating, orgies, and forcible impregnation

you get the idea

i could write a whole essay on almost all of these but for this post we'll be sticking mostly to dean & amara

@marcusantonius pointed out while we were watching season 11 that what amara does to dean is basically speedrun his two major attachments - sam and castiel. she starts out as a baby, someone in need of protection, and quickly grows into an adult who attempts to romance/seduce him. the feelings dean has around amara aren't feelings FOR HER, they're feelings he has for SAM AND CAS that are being TRANSFERRED onto her through means of her power. (this is important for later.)

what amara does to dean is sexualized violence bordering on outright sexual assault. compelling him to feel drawn towards her and to protect her, frequently getting in his personal space and touching his face, and even kissing more than once when he is quite literally unable to resist (it's stated many times that he is unable to kill or even harm her, so he is completely helpless in the presence of someone who makes no secret of her intentions for him, sexual or otherwise).

dean says many times that what he feels for amara is not love or desire or attraction. he can't put a name to it at all - not once in the entire series is he able to properly define this thrall she has over him, which leaves us the audience a little confused (amara asking "what IS happening between us?" in 11.06 as a teenager making sexual advances on a grown man does give me a good laugh, because it was written SO WEIRDLY)... BUT we know that it is definitely sexual in nature, and not at all something dean wants to be happening.

this is addressed kind of strangely in 11.13. the villain of the week is a witch moonlighting as a hairdresser, who puts a kissing curse on her clients. the curse must be passed along like a hot potato - if you kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. if they kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. but eventually, a monster called a qareen will show up in the form of "your deepest desire" and kill you, and work its way backwards to the original curse-ee. in the episode, dean kisses the vic (i'll point out this was also technically done w/o her consent, though it was a very businesslike kiss) to put the curse on himself and protect her. the qareen takes the form of amara, and she gives Dean this little speech:

Qareen!Amara: You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it's cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it? Just give in.

then, at the end of the episode, after dean reveals who the qareen was for him, we get this conversation between sam and dean:

Dean: You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire? Sam: She isn't? Dean: No! She can’t be! Sam: Why not? Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I'm… Sam: Means you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah. Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She's the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I'm not.

the "shame" part of both of these is really what stuck out to me - the word itself isn't in the second passage, but dean's vibes are absolutely filled with shame. to me, this always read as being shame about the sexual violence and about the complicity/weakness that "allowed" that violence to happen.

and as a reminder, sam is just a few episodes past the confrontation with his own rapist (he returns to the cage to speak with lucifer in 11.09 & 11.10, and canonically struggles with what happened there even after the confrontation ends). sam made a point earlier in this episode of making sure the victim of the curse knew it wasn't her fault her husband died, but the fault of the witch who cast the curse. sam is VERY emotionally intelligent, and i honestly believe that he was speaking as one survivor of sexual violence to another here. what he's telling dean is something victims often need to be reminded of: it's not your fault. you weren't complicit, or weak. you didn't have a choice. you don't deserve blame or judgment.

we've had bad guys make sexual threats at both dean and sam many times before this and a few more times after, but as far as i can recall, this is the only conversation in the entire series that even attempts to address the impact of that particular kind of violence on dean. it's short, and strangely written, but nonetheless: there it is.

season 11 & the dean in the closet

for the purposes of this post, i'm not going to go through the entire series and find examples to try and prove dean is bi and has feelings for cas. if you don't believe that then what are you doing here? we're skipping to the goods.

actually, i always got annoyed at people who read the fake-amara's speech in 11.13 (or any of the other times people spoke about dean's shame regarding amara) as being about dean's sexuality, because in my mind it was ABSOLUTELY about his being a victim of sexual violence, which was far more important to me, as it is discussed far less often.

BUT, knowing what we know now (that cas was always canonically in love with dean, and it's all but canon that dean really was bisexual), i'm willing to entertain another notion:

Sam: ...you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah.

the "evil" bit never really sat right with me as part of the narrative of sexual violence, aside from touching on dean's general self-loathing, but it fits the narrative of being closeted MUCH better. dean, a self-hating homophobic bisexual, would probably use a similar word, if not something heavy as "evil," to describe the way he feels about other men. it's a malevolent feeling. (if you're like me and ascribe to the jackles headcanon that dean resorted to turning tricks to make food money when he was underage, we could also consider the extremely fucked up fact that almost every queer man dean's ever met is someone who hurt him.)

dean is ashamed of who and what he is, and the way he feels about cas. living like that, that's violence. he lives violently day in and day out with that feeling. (and amara knows it. it's worth nothing that she uses cas to communicate with dean MULTIPLE times in this season, both by carving messages on his body and psychically, through his own connection to dean - and when dean "betrays" her to rescue casifer, she's horrified at whatever she sees in his head.)

equating sexual violence to the violence of being closeted

but what's amazing about this weird badly-written little 11.13 conversation (and indeed, the season-long plotline of dean and his shame) is that we don't HAVE to assign it to the purposes of being about sexual violence OR about being closeted. it can be and IS both.

my favorite reading of this is that BEING IN THE CLOSET IS INHERENTLY A VIOLENT AND TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. many of the same feelings are involved: shame, guilt, self-loathing. sam's comforting words to dean - that he will not be blamed or judged - are equally applicable in both cases. dean is a victim of sexual violence, and he is also in the closet, and both of these experiences are traumatic ones, and they are intermingled with each other in a big way (again, if you're into dean-turned-tricks headcanon, they are intermingled INSEPERABLY - the sexual violence being one of the direct causes of dean not wanting to accept or address his own sexuality).

the bait-and-switch

the real galaxy brain moment of this whole thing begins at the end of 11.22 (an otherwise lackluster episode that played sam's lucifer trauma for laughs how dare they ugh god whatever that's off-topic but i HATE IT) when amara and chuck finally have the confrontation she's been fighting all season for. she is attacked by witches, demons, angels, and then stabbed by lucifer himself, before she's finally on her knees before chuck, and then we get this little exchange:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything. Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed into that cage alone and afraid...

maybe you already know where i'm going with this. a cage isn't so different from a closet when we're working with metaphors, right?

amara talks about her grievances with chuck many times throughout season 11 - that he was spoiled, that he created the earth to stroke his ego, that he couldn't handle her as she was. and once he finally makes his appearance he tells it his own way - that he had no choice but to lock amara away, that she couldn't stand the things and people he made, that he did it to protect people. but something about THIS conversation in particular - even though it's not written into the dialogue - gives me a particular kind of vibe.

there is something innately, unspeakably WRONG with amara. i don't mean unspeakable as in very bad, i mean unspeakable as in LITERALLY undefinable. it's just like dean being unable to put a name to the pull she has over him. no one talks directly at it or about it, they go in circles around it, but facts are facts: amara simply couldn't be allowed to exist as she was because there was just something innately wrong with her. and it's this conversation in particular, the first one they have together onscreen, that really slams that feeling home for me.

the entire time chuck and amara are talking, the camera repeatedly cuts to dean - he is so visibly upset that the first time i watched this, i was certain he was about to jump into the middle of things and put himself between the two of them. we're meant to believe that dean has trouble hearing this because he "cares" about amara, but i have a different take.

i think it's empathy. real, actual empathy - not the kind of feeling that amara had to force out.

stay with me here. eventually, after chuck tries to lock amara away again, she gets her second wind, attacks him, and leaves him for dead - and as he dies, the sun dies with him, and so too does all life on earth.

in the following episode, the finale, amara finds her way to a park, where she takes in god's creation, visibly upset as she realizes that his flowers die at her touch (again, hammering home the point that there is something innately wrong with her that means she cannot live in this world), and eventually speaks with an old lady feeding the birds.

Woman: Do you want to feed them? Amara: I shouldn't. Woman: I've been feeding these birds going on 20 years now. They're practically family. And I know that makes me sound like a crazy old bat, but...heck. My husband died a couple of years ago, and my son keeps slipping me these brochures for retirement communities - a.k.a. where they send old folks to die, but not to make a fuss about it. Amara: So you hate him. Woman: Well, a little bit. Sometimes. But you know family. Even when you hate them, you still love them.

this speech brings tears to amara's eyes. what's more, she spends this entire section with her hands in her lap. after a season of killing her way through humanity to get god's attention, she is afraid to touch these birds for fear of killing them. she feels empathy for them. she and dean are connected, after all - so as soon as he began to feel true, genuine empathy - so did she.

when dean shows up to kill amara (via a bomb made out of souls hidden in his chest), she immediately clocks his plan. she practically dares him to do it, and - he can't. he is, as always, helpless against her.

what dean does instead is talk to her. more importantly, he listens to her. when she says her brother sent dean here to execute her, he tells her chuck actually didn't want this - that it was actually his very last resort. he asks her if this, the death of everything, is what she wanted, and she tells him all she really wanted was payback. again, dean EMPATHIZES:

Dean: Yeah, that's revenge. It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great... for about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam, we have had our fair share of fights—more than our share. But no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got—family. Now you might be a—an all-powerful being...but I think you're human where it counts. You simply need your brother.

what's really neat about this section, and the scene before it where amara confronts her brother, is that they mark the first times dean felt any sort of genuine emotion for amara at all - one that she didn't force out of him or one that he felt for someone else that she just took for herself. dean genuinely EMPATHIZES with her - after everything she's done to him and his loved ones, and to the people on earth, dean sees the humanity in her. that's kind of his and sam's M.O., loving monsters into men - the number of non-human adversaries who eventually became allies because of the winchesters’ empathy or liking for them or even just their influence is staggering. cas, gabriel, meg, benny, crowley, rowena, metatron, to name a few off the top of my head - and now amara.

and then we get THIS:

Dean: You don't want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me... 'cause I'm not him.

(emphasis mine)

and here's my galaxy brain take: dean empathizes with amara - TRULY empathizes with her - because they're both queer (or queer-coded).

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS NUTS BUT LISTEN. this weird creepy stalkery hetero "romance" was fake on both sides all along. dean and amara are the same. that unspeakable and innate wrongness lives in both of them. they're self-loathing and furious at god for his failures and callousness, outcasts in a world that isn't for them, a world that has HURT them simply on account of them being what they are. the violence done to amara was done to her BECAUSE of this unspeakable wrongness about her - her queerness, or her queer-codedness - and we already decided this was, for the purposes of this season, functionally the same violating and traumatic experience as sexual violence.

amara's been using dean to try and replace chuck this entire season. it's some weird comphet bullshit tied in with the fact that dean was the first part of chuck's creation she ever saw. it stands to reason then that she was trying to force dean to be with her and love her the way she wanted to force CHUCK to be with her. that's part of why she started life as a baby - as someone he'd protect as he did his own sibling.

so in some weird, warped, very roundabout way, amara was enacting on dean the violence that chuck enacted on her - making him feel the same shame and weakness that chuck made HER feel when he locked her away eons ago. if amara unknowingly replaced chuck with dean, then she also unknowingly took part of her revenge on him. the only way she knew how to love someone was to force them to do it, because the only ways she had ever been loved until now involved violence - until dean and his moment of genuine empathy.

consider this final speech:

Dean: Maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can't. Maybe if I pull this trigger, we all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter, because maybe there's a different way. So I'm gonna ask you again. Put aside the rage. Put aside the hate. And you tell me...what do you want?

dean is the only person in BILLIONS of years to ask her this! one queer to another! and it turns out that and all she wanted - the ONLY thing she needed - was to be understood and accepted by her family. immediately after this, amara summons chuck to their park, and the two of them talk it out in what is genuinely a very moving scene. amara - perhaps because of her connection with dean, perhaps because she's finally admitted to herself that she does still love her brother - sees the beauty in the world now, and feels love for it, and she doesn't want to destroy it anymore.

and at the end, after she's made her peace with god, and the sun has been turned back on, amara says:

Amara: Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.

and what do we get at the end of this episode? mary winchester, risen from her grave. dean's family. and - SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 - though at first mary rejects dean (and sam) as being the same children she remembers from 1983, after a long and rocky road, at the end of the season, they eventually come to a reconciliation where she sees them for who they truly are. it's never ABOUT being queer because this show uses the fucking hays code when it comes to dean's sexuality, but it's still about being queer!!

dean gave amara what she needed - acceptance from her family - and she gave him that back in turn. all it took, the entire time, was one SHRED of empathy from one queer to another. all dean had to do was recognize her - REALLY recognize her - not as a replacement for sam or cas but as who she really was. and he saw himself in her, and the empathy that followed was genuine because it was the most natural thing in the world. in the end neither dean nor amara needed the "romance" they thought they did/were forced to want. they never did. they only needed acceptance and understanding.

supernatural is always about family and the power of love, and this season is no exception.

other great parts of season 11

if you're still not convinced, season 11 is full of other things that make it amazing:

GOD'S RETURN. after SIX YEARS he's back, this is canon, we finally get to hear what he has to say. they did more with him in a handful of episodes in this season than all of season 15

also, something else returns after six years. i'll give you a hint: it glows hot in god's presence. it was last seen being dropped into a motel trash can.

and of course the big one: lucifer and sam. what great callbacks to seasons 4-6 when lucifer and what he did to sam in hell was actually scary and mattered a lot! lucifer returns to being scary in this and i can't get enough of it.

this is also inseparable from sam's arc involving his faith - he begins praying again, having visions again, and is GUTTED when those prayers and visions lead him back to the place of his worst trauma. he gets to MEET GOD this season. it's fucking insane

the inherent melodrama of castiel, someone loved and trusted by the winchesters, being possessed by someone who they hate and who has hurt them. you get all of the sam drama with him accidentally trusting lucifer with his soul and his brother's life, and all the dean drama where he watches the devil run around in his boyfriend. also, misha collins does an uncanny impression of mark pellegrino. it's actually really creepy

somehow, they managed to make metatron, a deeply hated villain by all, ACTUALLY LIKEABLE. for TWO whole episodes. it was NUTS

this season starts off rowena's long arc with lucifer and her lucifer trauma that eventually becomes the catalyst of her bonding so profoundly with sam <3 best friends forever <333

sam and dean bond with a pair of canonically gay hunters who DON'T DIE

billie is introduced in this season and she's super hot and cool and awesome

eileen is also introduced in this season. her arc mirrors sam's so well, it's SO good. i never though i'd care about sam and a girl who wasn't jess, but i care about them SO MUCH it makes me insane. if you don't love eileen you're wrong!

anyway, watch season 11. it's weird but it's really fucking good. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[spn masterpost]

#supernatural #dean winchester #amara #supernatural meta #destiel #in a roundabout way #i needed a 5th tracked tag lol #i stayed up ALL NIGHT writing this but im gonna be a smartie and schedule it to go up at noon when ppl are awake #liz watches spn #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #liz makes stuff #long post #just in case the cut fails #this meta really is 3800 words long lol #as a bonus it was implied in late season 10 that amara is the older sibling #even though they retconned it and made them twins later #like amara and dean are both eldest sisters.......

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sciencespies · 3 years

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This week's deadly heatwave shows we need a new way to talk about climate change

https://sciencespies.com/environment/this-weeks-deadly-heatwave-shows-we-need-a-new-way-to-talk-about-climate-change/

This week's deadly heatwave shows we need a new way to talk about climate change

New normal. Record-breaking. Unprecedented.

In recent days, as Western Canada and the United States have been broiling under a climate-fueled heat crisis, all sorts of superlatives have been used to describe never-before-seen temperatures: the British Columbia community of Lytton hit a mind-boggling 49.5 C on June 29, breaking all-time temperature records three days in a row.

People are understandably shocked and scared by those numbers. But should this have come as a surprise? No.

Scientists have been warning about the link between longer, more intense heat events and climate change for over 40 years. The language of “normals” and “new records” is rapidly becoming meaningless.

But the notion that humanity should have known, or should have done something about the crisis earlier — that we should be ashamed for our lack of inaction — is unhelpful for dealing with the climate crisis.

Talking climate

So, what’s a better, more helpful approach to communicating climate change?

The first thing to do is to spend more time talking about climate change. There is far too little discussion around this issue in the public sphere. Global heating is the biggest emergency the planet has ever faced, but one would not know it reading or listening to the news.

Last year, stories about climate change represented just 0.4 per cent of all major US broadcast news coverage. In 2019, it was 0.7 per cent. Even in the midst of an unprecedented heat wave stretching from California to Yukon, references to climate change are few and far between.

Information deficit model

Ironically, one of the biggest blind spots has to do with how information about this issue is shared with the public.

The conventional approach relies upon what’s known as the “information deficit model.” The deficit model builds on the assumption that people will take action on climate change if they have more information about it.

This information-based approach has shaped all sorts of communication, from public safety ads on drinking and driving to news reporting about climate and other important issues.

Unfortunately, the relationship between how much people know and how they act is not always linear. Feeding more facts to someone who is highly politically motivated to dismiss climate change will not convince them to pay more attention to the problem.

Climate change is a tricky story to wrap one’s head around. It can feel too big, too scary and too difficult for any one person to fix. Information, while important, is not always enough.

For there to be engagement with this subject and, by extension, political action, the climate crisis must feel personal, relatable, understandable and, most importantly, solvable.

Above: Estimated per cent of adults who think the Earth is getting warmer. The Yale Program on Climate Change Communication bears no responsibility for the analyses or interpretations of the data presented here.

Charts and graphs — even polar bears — rarely achieve that goal. Eighty-three per cent of Canadians agree that the Earth is getting warmer. But just 47 per cent think climate change will harm them personally.

To have people connect on climate, we need to have more conversations about how people are working to solve it and how those solutions are improving their quality of life where they live. These conversations foist an otherwise abstract, intangible and scary subject into the realm of the everyday — and make it feel solvable.

youtube

Solutions matter

Environmental communicators have long pointed to an excessive use of fear messaging around climate change as one of the main problems with engaging the public on this subject.

The challenge is to pair fear messaging with information about efficacy, namely what people can actually do to mitigate the fear. The combination of fear and efficacy leads to what is known as “danger control,” actions to mitigate the danger, as opposed to “fear control,” actions to shut down the fear.

In the case of COVID-19, the sense of efficacy was clear: hand washing, social distancing, masking. With climate change, efficacy information is far less obvious, and more difficult to act upon.

It’s often argued that the large emitters, notably fossil fuel producers, are the ones that harbor the most blame, and are responsible for cleaning up the mess. The Guardian points out that 100 companies are responsible for 71 per cent of emissions.

Yes, it’s clear the world needs to stop burning fossil fuels — oil, gas and coal. But to get there, individuals can also set examples of what pro-environmental behavior looks like.

It can be as simple as posting photos to social media from community cleanup drives, nature walks or posts about any kind of pro-environmental behavior, such as taking transit. This form of communication — as opposed to images that promote a high-carbon lifestyle — normalizes the urgency, importance and possibility of protecting the Earth.

Some of the most effective communicators are TV news meteorologists, who often have loyal followers. More of them are discussing ways the climate crisis is being addressed where people live.

Seeing is believing

Most communication around risk, builds on the standard of moral injunctions — that one should or must act to do something, or else. For example, a park sign might tell visitors not to feed the ducks because human food is bad for them. And yet, visitors keep feeding the ducks.

Instead, communicators should rely on “descriptive social norms,” descriptions of behavior that others, like them, are already doing and benefiting them.

In the United Kingdom, a 2015 campaign urged people to “Take your litter home, other people do.” It was more likely to reduce illegal littering than signs that said “Please keep your park clean by not littering.”

Solutions, notably in the form of stories about people and communities taking action to solve the climate crisis, are among the most effective ways of communicating the emergency.

The National Observer‘s “First Nations Forward” series is a great example of this type of reporting. Story after story details how First Nations communities in British Columbia are leading the way in the transition to a renewable-energy future.

Mainstream news media outlets, like the one I work for, Global News, are also spending more time on climate and rethinking how they cover it. One recent national story reported on the massive energy transition already under way in Alberta.

Such stories about change that is working send a message that action to mitigate the climate crisis by ordinary people is doable, normal, empowering and desirable. They energize and mobilize members of the public ready to take action, by providing visual examples of who is leading the way.

They also move the conversation beyond the conventional emphasis on skeptics and deniers, and normalize pro-environmental values and behaviors for the growing number of people who are already alarmed or concerned about the climate emergency.

Far from driving the fear narrative, stories of climate solutions unlock people’s sense of efficacy and agency in the face of impending danger. In other words, they engage the public on climate change by doing what all good communication does: meeting people where they are at, through a mobilizing story.

This is storytelling 101: engaging audiences, not turning them away, as most climate reports do.

Kamyar Razavi, PhD candidate in the School of Communication, Simon Fraser University.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

#Environment

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mst3kproject · 3 years

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The Phantom from 10 000 Leagues

I found this movie online while looking for From Hell It Came (which I haven’t yet found – someday I will and then you’ll all be sorry) and it looked bad, so I checked out the details. Turns out it stars Kent Taylor from The Crawling Hand, Cathy Downs from The Amazing Colossal Man, and was written by Lou Rusoff, who was behind It Conquered the World, The She-Creature, and… oh god, he also wrote Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow. This is gonna suck goat nads. I must watch it right away.

You shouldn’t picture me groaning when I write stuff like that, by the way. You should picture me giggling like a maniac and rubbing my hands together with glee.

A monster is killing people at sea near an incredibly bleak and depressing California college town, and the bodies and wrecked boats it leaves in its wake are scorched by radioactivity! Washington sends Agent Grant to find out what’s going on, and he soon discovers that the Pacific College of Oceanography is positively overflowing with suspicious characters. There’s the reclusive and paranoid Professor King, who is working on weird experiments in his locked laboratory. There’s King’s assistant George, who follows him around and hides in the bushes to watch what he’s doing. King’s secretary Ethel blames the professor for the death of her son and wants revenge, and George’s girlfriend Wanda is a foreign agent. Not to mention the visiting Dr. Stevens, a radiation expert with an unsettling habit of turning up just in time to discover the bodies. Someone among this motley crew has created a sea monster… and someone else is planning to sell it to the highest bidder!

You know how some movies save their monsters until the last minute, in order to build suspense? Or because what we imagine is always scarier than what we actually see? Or because the monster sucks and they’re ashamed of it? Or some combination of the above?

Phantom from 10 000 Leagues is not one of those movies. Before we’re even a full minute into it, the monster has appeared on screen in all its ridiculous glory. Stevens calls it a hideous beast that defies description but I think I can make an attempt. It looks sort of like the lovechild of a saber-toothed tiger and the Horror of Party Beach. There’s a ridge down its head and back like an iguana and a poorly-camouflaged window in its neck so the dude inside can see what he’s doing. The whole costume is also rather buoyant, and the actor is having to work hard to stay underwater. Sadly, this beast remains lurking in the depths and never shambles out onto the beach to menace sunbathers, which is the only thing it would have needed to make it a perfect bad movie monster.

The creature is not the only nuclear threat in this movie… or even the silliest one! During an investigatory dive, Stevens discovers a glowing patch on the seafloor which he says represents an ‘activated’ uranium deposit with the potential to form a naturally-occurring death ray! We finally get to see this in action when stock footage of a ship passes over it – and turns into a different ship that immediately blows up! I’m just sad this only happens once. The glowing stone itself is represented by a mirror with a light shining on it in underwater shots, and by the reflection of the sun when seen from the surface.

So the effects are not special and make an already silly threat even more hilarious. What about the story? Like all cheap monster movies, the focus of The Phantom from 10 000 Leagues is not the creature killing people but the investigation into it. There’s a large number of potential monster-makers here, which could have made the movie a bit messy – but by the time the words The End appear, we know who all these people are, how they’re involved, and what they hope to accomplish. Even the women are given distinct motivations and personalities, although those fall neatly into the ‘maiden, mother and whore’ tropes I’ve discussed in the past. The dialogue is not exactly subtle, but it seems like I can’t wholly blame Lou Rousoff for Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow.

It’s also nice that, despite the preponderance of White Men In Suits (Stevens and Grant both walk along the beach in suits and ties at all hours of the day and night), the characters all look different enough that I can tell them apart! None of the cast are great actors, with a lot of stilted or awkward line deliveries, but then, a lot of the things they’re saying are completely ridiculous, so I probably can’t lay that entirely at their feet.

Unfortunately, the plot of Phantom From 10 000 Leagues is rather unfocused, and like so many of these films it’s not sure who its main character is. It seems like either Agent Grant or Dr. Stevens, who are each conducting some kind of investigation into the goings-on, ought to be the protagonist… but both are introduced in contexts that make them seem potentially suspicious. Dr. Stevens is actually significantly more suspicious than Grant, because when he first turns up he gives a fake name, and later proves to have actually performed experiments with mutating sea life in the past. Yet for much of the movie, it’s Stevens we’re watching, as he cozies up to Professor King and flirts with King’s daughter Lois. He actually gets far more screen time than Grant, with the latter sometimes being out of the movie for long enough that the audience kind of forgets he’s there.

Stevens and Lois’ love story is, as is probably inevitable for a movie of this kind, completely bland. Kent Taylor and Cathy Downs have no appreciable spark between them, and one gets the uncomfortable impression that he’s about twice her age. The movie never offers even an approximate age for either character, but Lois is still unmarried and living with her father, which in the 1950s suggests she’s in her early twenties. King describes Stevens as a ‘young man’ but between his appearance and his impressive academic credentials he’s obviously not, and when I looked up the actors I learned that Taylor was forty-eight when The Phantom from 10 000 Leagues was made, while Downs was twenty-nine. That’s… well, they’re both adults, but he’s still old enough to be her father, and the younger we assume they both are, the worse the two decade gap gets.

Once we actually get to know the characters, the solution to the mysteries is fairly obvious, but this lets us spend some actual time with these men and find out what they think about the situation. Stevens, who’s been down this road before, wants these terrible experiments to stop before any more people get hurt. King, hearing about it for the first time, is more excited about what he might be able to learn by building on Stevens’ work. This represents an interesting inversion because if you’ll recall, King is supposed to be significantly older than Stevens (though actor Michael Whelan was actually born only five years before Taylor).

Usually knowledge and wisdom are both associated with age. This is a very old trope and has some fairly sound logic behind it: the elderly have had longer to learn and to experience. In Phantom from 10 000 Leagues, however, we have the older Professor King excited by the ground-breaking discoveries made by a younger scientist and wanting to learn more about them, even when the (supposedly) younger Stevens warns him about Tampering in God’s Domain. Each assumes the role their ages might make us expect of the other.

This is reflected in their respective fields: depending on how you define it, oceanography is as old as mankind. Humanity has been mapping the seas for as long as we’ve known how to sail across them, and marveling at the monsters we pull from its depths for as long as we’ve been catching fish. That is the Professor King’s domain. Stevens, on the other hand, is a specifically nuclear scientist. Nuclear physics technically begins with the discovery of radioactivity in the 1890’s, but it seemed like a new and scary field in the 1950s, as the development of atomic weapons forced scientists to take a closer look at the phenomenon’s effect on living tissues. To King, who is an expert in another field, the possibilities of this relatively new work outweigh the potential consequences.

As sloppy and poorly-made as Phantom from 10 000 Leagues can be, this contrast between Stevens and King does make it a movie with something to say. It of course has the standard moral for a fifties atomic monster piece, about paths science is not meant to tread, but it also wants us to think about that connection between age and wisdom. On the one hand, King’s interest in Stevens’ work tells us that you’re never too old to learn something new. On the other, just because somebody is young doesn’t mean they have nothing to teach. If King had taken in Stevens’ wisdom along with his knowledge, a lot of suffering need not have happened.

Even if you’re not into that, the crappy monster, the bad acting, the ridiculous science, and all the sneaking around and backstabbing that goes on makes Phantom from 10 000 Leagues plenty of fun watch. It’s much like Beginning of the End in that it ticks all the MST3K boxes, while remaining coherent enough that you can enjoy the actual story along with the badness.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #phantom from 10000 leagues #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen #50s

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chibivesicle · 3 years

Text

Golden Kamuy chapters 269-270. The cliff notes meta edition.

This will be a less detailed meta as I’ve just been spread too thin recently and the current events of the manga have been underwhelming to me, making it harder to engage with the content.

Having an online presence has been a double-edged sword for me and as we mark 1 year of pandemic life, it is hard for me to invest as much time in it since I have to do so many more things online for work. Sitting down to write meta isn’t as fun and relaxing as it once was when you have 7 zoom meetings over the course of several days. Add on the fact that I have not left the county were I live since February 2020 nor I have a seen any of my family or friends . . . yeah writing meta isn’t a much of a priority. As an aside, I think more people need to be stating that being ‘productive’ and ‘leveling up’ during these times is either unrealistic and even more damaging by creating completely unrealistic expectations of how we should respond to things.

[steps off of soapbox]

Chapter 269, quickly shows us how the chaos that Tsurumi unleashed on the divided Ainu resulted in a tragedy and Wilk is the only one who managed to survive the massacre.

Tsurumi is able to sort out that there were eight Ainu, and that Wilk staged his own death by working quickly to conceal the identity of the dead partially by removing the eyes.

Kikuta is the first one to find the man who dies soon after discovery and Tsurumi seems to be in awe of Wilk’s escape plan.

KIkuta also shows he’s a more empathetic individual worried about how they contributed to the death of Ariko’s father. Did Tsurumi push Kikuta away after the war since he knew Kikuta would feel bad about doing the ‘things’ needed to be done for the gold?

It further highlights that Usami and Kikuta were never on the same page. I do like how the following page shows both Kikuta and Ariko continuing to tie the narrative that Kikuta feels a connection with the younger man. Shiraishi and Sugimoto spot Ariko, calling him Ariko Ipopte, which is an interesting choice to use a hybrid name for him. Kikuta uses his full Japanese name, while these men use a mix.

The final panel showing a reflective looking Kikuta walking alone in the rain really emotional connects with the grief surrounding all of this unnecessary death. Tsurumi sought to be a leader of men by giving them love and being the stand in father for them. I think that Kikuta is the character who is the natural and honest father figure - we know he has a deep relationship with Ariko and we also know he has some sort of connection to Sugimoto.

Tsurumi continues his ‘discussion’ of events with Asirpa and Sofia. Tsurumi has such a complicated relationship with Wilk. He’s both in awe of the man’s determination to survive but at the same time he wanted him destroyed at such a great cost.

Tsurumi really lays on the guilt to Asirpa that Wilk did everything to protect her - under the assumption that she’d be unfairly treated if her father had killed all of those men. Perhaps that is the case, perhaps not. It seems contradictory to his own actions where he gave Ogin and the Lighting Bandit’s child to Huci to care for it. He has this weird approach to the impact of the ‘sins of the parents’ on the child . . .

Tsurumi doggedly pursues Wilk and they immediately recognize each other and he flees onto the lake with his canoe. By shooting at Wilk, he forces him to capsize the canoe and items sink down into the lake. Honestly, I’m not sure what Tsurumi was hoping to achieve by this - make him swim so that he could capture him more easily. We don’t know how skilled Tsurumi is with a rifle and I’d be more concerned about killing Wilk and loosing the information. It seems reckless in my opinion since the ultimate outcome was Wilk appealing to Inudou thus achieving protection from the 7th.

I think Tsurumi was fueled and blinded by his emotions which only made things more complicated and drew the hunt for the gold out even longer (to the present time).

The rest of the chapter explains how Kiro felt. First, the grief at the loss of Wilk, trying to move on my having a family, but ultimately coming back to realize that Wilk was still alive after the war. Really, Wilk underestimated Kiro’s intelligence since he figured out that Kimuspu was the seventh man, not Wilk. As a Kiro fan, I of course favor him, but he really showed he’s a good leader and actually willing to take risks. What is most important is that having a family only lead him to want to fight for them - even more.

Kiro sees the flaw in Wilk’s plan of Hokkaido as an independent unit as a place for various native peoples, while ignoring all of the logistical issues that Kiro already pointed out to him previously. The Far Eastern Federation has the flaw that it is connected by land to Russia, but would me much harder to lay siege to. But Hokkaido as an island could easily be cut off - and with not much industry within itself, you still can’t do a whole lot with all of those raw materials if you can get industrial technologies from elsewhere. If it were blockaded they’d be screwed. Sure, you wouldn’t starve, but you wouldn’t be able to advance quickly. All that gold and nowhere to spend it.

Thus, Kiro believed he was acting in regard to their original goals and had no choice but to remove Wilk from the equation. As Wilk had become the very wolf that he had observed as a child and played with its pelt. That is some next level foreshadowing by Noda, if I do say so.

In the end, Kiro remained much more committed to their fight as partisans than Wilk did. You have to give it to him, he stuck to his original plans and he died believing he did the right thing. Now, looking back at how upset Sofia was when she first saw Kiro, we know why she slapped him in the first place. I’ll take it to mean that she was upset by Kiro’s actions but at the same time understood what he did. But then Sofia let it go, as she would soon go on to also speak fondly of Wilk and his desire to be like the wolves. Therefore, I don’t think Sofia was completely angry with Kiro, instead she knew the decision that was made and perhaps, she too, would have understood that there were divided in their goals once they moved on with their lives.

The next chapter starts off with the bottle mobile boys and Ariko on horseback as they determine what to do next. Sugimoto is amazingly still not rushing in like a maniac which is out of character for him. Are you okay Sugimoto? Or have your encounters with Kikuta and Boutarou begun to have an impact on you without being aware of it?

The settle on letting Ariko go ahead, even though he doesn’t answer their question. I’d say he doesn’t have a clue what side he is on. He likely cares about Kikuta. But he wants to see Asirpa succeed since he feels ashamed by his own approach towards life in Hokkaido as an Ainu.

Off he goes alone to figure out how to rescue Asirpa. Really, a terrible idea since sure he’s a tough guy, but we don’t know what his fighting skills are like in the first place. . . . At least he isn’t a hothead, so sending him in alone will be less of a disaster than Sugimoto.

The action returns to Tsurumi trying to turn up the heat on Asirpa. She asks him about Kiro’s fingerprints at the crime scene - a lie that Tsurumi fed to Inkarmat to get her to help him. He writes it off as him doing a good thing for her - she closed a chapter of her life - then again - he doesn’t know that Koito let Tanigaki and Inkarmat escape. The next several pages are a slow psychological technique that builds up to Tsurumi reveling that the bullet that killed Fina and Olga had been from Wilk’s pistol. Dum da duuum!

So, according to Tsurumi it is Wilk’s fault all those Ainu died. That he should have never left Russia for Japan. That even his time in Russia resulted in Fina and Olga’s deaths. Everything is Wilk’s fault!

This page ends with how Tsukishima let go of the woman he had loved and his memory of her - yet Tsurumi kept the bullet and the finger bones of his family! We can see that Tsukishima is barely holding it together, so upset by this knowledge!

As a master manipulator of people, Tsurumi thanks Sofia for what she has contributed to the story - he can help her feel better by telling her that she did not kill his wife and child. . . . on no, he only uses it as a way to add even more pressure on Asirpa!

To Tsurumi, Asirpa is no child, she is the direct tie to all of his anger and pain and his twisted soul.

I mean, he kept Wilk’s skinned face and he’s using it to get her to break! What is more interesting is after the initial shock, Sofia quickly regains her calm while Asirpa - well she’s clearly buying into Tsurumi’s explanation of things.

She is thinking about how her father ‘turned’ Tsurumi into the person he is before her . . . . I’d be willing to say that Wilk influenced Tsurumi - as much as Tsurumi influenced Wilk. Yet, Tsurumi as a human being is responsible for his decisions and he alone can respond to them in a constructive or destructive way. It is clear Tsurumi went for the latter.

Sofia’s calm in this pressure situation is clear as she asks him if it was for revenge. She’s a smart woman and has lived long enough to see these types of things through.

Tsukishima is ready to kill Tsurumi - it would make him a hypocritical leader - having him let go of his own earthly attachments only to serve a man bent on revenge. Koito is listening closely as well, unsure of how he’s going to respond.

Tsurumi makes it clear he could have killed Asirpa any number of times. I think this is another case of Tsurumi playing a verbal slight of hand. He’s asked if he’s doing this out of revenge, and his answer is - I haven’t killed her yet. Gee, based on how messed up you are Tsurumi, we both know that there is more than one way to take revenge. Killing someone in retribution is one way to take revenge or the worse way - make their life a living hell. It is clear that Tsurumi is going for the second one to break Asirpa.

There is a dramatic two page spread as he explains that he is doing this for Japan - and the implied increasing militaristic activities of the late Meiji government to expand their domain.

If feels - like a performance to me as a reader. The pages are remarkably light in tone giving it an optimistic and feeling of purity. Yet, Tsurumi is a broken and corrupt man . . . cruel in his intentions. He only says this as a way to combat anyone who were to contradict him . . . .

It is too perfect - too convenient - too good for Koito and Tsukishima to believe in my own opinion. As both of the men seem relived to have heard these very words as a type of closing statement.

Tsukishima looks relived that Tsurumi is continuing on the behalf of all of their fallen comrades and families. Again, this sounds too perfect like Tsurumi’s speech isn’t for Asirpa nor Sofia, it is for Koito and Tsukishima who are eavesdropping. Since Tsurumi is a next level planner/manipulator he likely came up with this well rehearsed speech to placate all issues around his inability to move on from his family’s death. It makes him look mature and that he’d moved on from his more basic human needs.

Koito looks like he’s trying really hard to believe Tsurumi and how Tsurumi’s words would comfort Tsukishima. But is that how you really feel Koito? That face looks - so - fake. Like Koito is overdoing it again and is actually unsure how to react. So, he he looks elated, Tsukishima will feel better - or something.

What I really want to know is why they are just there hiding and watching Tsurumi? If they are wanting to think independently and beyond Tsurumi why do it while hiding? It seems no matter what either man may think, they are still under Tsurumi’s thumb as far as how they react to his behavior and the current events.

And I’m gonna have to hold things here while I find a way to read the more recent chapters with non-shady software to decompress the files since I’ve been using Mangadex the entire time I’ve been reading GK (in addition to the english versions of previous chapters).

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy meta #asirpa #tsukishima hajime #koito otonoshin #kiroranke #tsurumi tokushirou #sofia #wilk #sugimoto saichi #Shiraishi Yoshitake #warrant officer kikuta #ariko rikimatsu

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with-love-anu · 4 years

Text

Don’t pretend then

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader Summary: You take up the job as a healer to work at the order and fall in love with the ridiculously handsome head of house Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, drinking problems Word Count: 2,883

As (Y/n) made her way into the order’s headquarters; she couldn’t help but wonder whether she’d got the wrong address. Surely there were better places than this hell hole. Mrs. Weasley must have seen her as she came beside (Y/n) in a blink.

“(Y/n) dear! How are you?” she said as she practically engulfed her.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley.” (Y/n) told her with a smile.

“Come on in, let me introduce you.” She said as she ushered the young woman into what was supposed to be a dining room. She took in the morbid surroundings as she noticed people glancing towards her. She shook hands and greeted people trying to remember as many names as possible. To her surprise, most of them knew her. It was because of her recent interview for the daily prophet. (Y/n) was a passionate girl. She had always dreamed to be a healer.

After graduation from Hogwarts she was off to Romania for 7 long years researching more and more about human anatomy. She had been a part of breaking several curses and discovering remedies and cures for various diseases. That was one of the reasons why her ex-headmaster visited her one day to come to work for the order. She had agreed readily, wanting to step up against the death eaters as soon as possible.

“Miss (Y/l/n), I hope it was a smooth journey?” Dumbledore said softly.

“Yes it was, professor.”

“Please, its Albus, you’re not my student anymore.” He said before turning towards everyone. “Lets begin the meeting, shall we?”

***

At the end of the meeting Dumbledore directed (Y/n) towards Sirius Black, owner of the Black household. She had read about him only in the newspapers, and she did not know what to expect. Dumbledore had told her about his story, his real one back in Romania. (Y/n) had felt saddened by the fact that an innocent man had to go through such unfortunate circumstances. She had met with Remus before coming to the headquarters and he had told her more about Sirius and their years at Hogwarts.

“Mr. Black, this is Miss (Y/l/n), the healer I was talking about. She would be staying here, so as to help directly.” Dumbledore said.

Sirius gave her a nod and a tight lipped smile. (Y/n) nodded back. She guessed he didn’t like to talk much.

***

Sirius woke up with a grunt. He honestly felt trapped these days. His colleges were all out there fighting, whereas all he did was sleep, eat, drink and repeat. He got up and brushed his teeth, taking a quick shower. He went down thinking about grabbing a bottle of milk and cornflakes. He hated the thought. Instead he was greeted with the smell of fried bacon and eggs. He saw (Y/n) wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair pulled up in a messy bun; moving through the kitchen. He smiled. She looked so cute. He had noticed her the day before. She had an innocent face and twinkling eyes. But there was definitely something sharp about her that seemed to draw him towards her. Sirius shook himself. What was he thinking? She was a lot younger than him and he was no longer the same boy, who could party and make his way through different women. Who in the right mind would even look at him right now?

“Oh, hi there Sirius! How do you take your eggs?” (Y/n) asked breaking Sirius’s chain of thought.

“You don’t have to do that.” Sirius said as his stomach grumbled, making him wince. (Y/n) raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

��I love cooking actually. I was making it for myself and thought to make a little for you too.” She shrugged.

“Well, then half-fried” he replied scratching the back of his head. He went in and grabbed some plates.

(Y/n) hummed as she served him and herself some breakfast. Sirius let out a small moan eating the delicious bacon.

“Oh- this is so delicious” Sirius said with his mouth full making (Y/n) blush and let out a small laugh.

They ate rest of the breakfast in silence, which was majorly because Sirius ate a good and warm breakfast after a very long time. After he finished he cleaned both their plates and dishes used for preparation.

“Sirius, would you like to help me pot some plants?”

No. His first instinct wanted to say. Why should he? His brain provided. But what else could he do in this big miserable excuse for a house?

“Sure, why not? Nothing better to do anyway!”

(Y/n) beamed making Sirius feel a little flutter in his chest.

They went to an empty room where (Y/n) took out her supplies and a few books. Sirius followed her instructions as he set the very gross seeds in. He felt like a teenager working in the greenhouse again.

“Why did you become an amingus, Sirius?” (Y/n) asked after some time.

Sirius smiled. He launched into the story of his adventures as a kid. Making best friends, finding out the suffering of his dear friend, wanting to help. (Y/n) nodded and laughed along.

“You seem to have one of the best times at school. It was a very noble thing you and your friends did, Sirius. Reckless, yes; but noble.” Sirius barked out a laugh.

They spent rest of the morning chatting and laughing. Sirius didn’t remember a time where he connected so much with a person other than his best friends. Conversation flowed smoothly, he felt like talking to her was the most natural thing he did.

***

After that, Sirius would spend most of his time with (Y/n), sometimes helping her, sometimes just sitting in silence. Sirius saw little things about (Y/n) like the way she would light up telling about different curses she was so close to break, the way she bit her bottom lip in concentration leaving them plump and full; driving him crazy. Sirius had reminded himself over and over again that (Y/n) was young and deserved someone better than him. That didn’t help the way his stomach twisted in knots or his tendency to want to touch her whenever she was close.

(Y/n) seemed to be in a different yet same predicament. The more time she spent with Sirius, the more she grew to like him. His addictive personality that drew everyone towards him whenever he was around. Him being able to cheer her up if she ever felt down. And every single day it became harder for her to ignore the throb in her heart. At times she felt like he did like her back but mostly all she could think was how someone as handsome and smart and funny and charismatic as him could like someone like her.

“(Y/n) you need to rest!” Sirius said as he entered the dining room to find (Y/n) trying to clean the chandelier. He sighed. (Y/n) had the tendency to work until she was truly exhausted and Sirius could see it was taking a toll on her.

“I’m almost done” she whined as she continued with the cleaning spells making Sirius groan. He smirked, as an idea popped up in his head. He transformed into padfoot running towards her. He knocked her over and licked her face making her burst into giggles.

“Sirius stop!! Gross!” she said as she continued laughing. She gripped his forefoot and tackled him into the ground, placing herself above him. Sirius transformed back, his face red from laughter. As they slowly settled down next to each other, goofy smiles painted their faces.

(Y/n) couldn’t help it. Sirius was looking at her so adorably; she went forward and kissed him. She realized what she was doing and pulled back. Sirius looked blank. He didn’t know what to say or do. He knew he was not at all good for her, but in that moment all he wanted was to crush his lips into hers. (Y/n) on her part tried to breathe. She desperately wanted Sirius to say something, anything.

“I… I… I like you Sirius.” She said softly pleading to god that Sirius felt what she did for him.

“(Y/n)… I…” Sirius found himself unable to find the right words. He took too long.

(Y/n) tried not to shake. Of course he didn’t like her.

“Its fine” she stuttered. “I must have misread things.”

She tried to give him a small smile as she got up and left, leaving Sirius to wallow in his misery. He did the right thing, he repeated to himself as he descended into anxiety.

***

For the next few days, (Y/n) avoided Sirius. She would be sure to leave him whatever food she made for herself casting a warming spell on them. They would see each other once or twice and give a small smile but other than that nothing. No late night talks, no laughs over the little garden of medicinal herbs they created, no arguments over books. Sirius tried to give her space. He knew he’d hurt her but the thing was that he had become so used to her presence that he now felt like he was entering his dark hole again. He started drinking early, transforming into padfoot at times. It was like someone had finally given him something to live for and then snatched it back cruelly. He missed her, even though she was so close to him. It was much more than just physical attraction he loved her, her soul, her very essence.

At one such night, he frowned as he tried to drink from the now-empty bottle. He stumbled towards the cabinet trying to find a new one. As he fumbled for an opener he heard a voice behind him.

“Sirius, I think that’s quite enough for a week.” (Y/n) said concerned about his health. She knew Sirius had started becoming depressed easily, an aftermath of living in Azkaban for such a long period. She felt guilty for spoiling their friendship and then not talking to him for what felt like forever. It was torture for her too. She felt that maybe distancing herself would help her. But, seeing the toll it took on Sirius she felt ashamed.

“If 20th no, 21st no 20th” Sirius tried to count but his brain refused to respond. “Doesn’t matter. If the 20th drink is what it took to get you to talk to me I would have done it a lot earlier.” He smiled and then slipped falling on the floor with a thump.

(Y/n) quickly went towards him and picked him up. Sirius continued mumbling and (Y/n) couldn’t make out anything. She carried him to his room and gave him some medicine to stop the headache tomorrow. As she turned to leave, he grabbed her hand stopping her.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t” she tried to say but Sirius had already passed out. (Y/n) sighed, putting some blankets over him and turning to leave the room.

Next morning, (Y/n) was ready. She couldn’t let this friendship destroy. When Sirius entered the kitchen she took in a deep breath and gave him a warm smile. Sirius looked unsure. As he settled down to eat she started repeating the long rant she spent the entire night preparing but somehow could only get a few sentences out.

“Sirius, I like you but more than that; I value our friendship. You’ve been one of the best people to talk to and I can’t afford to lose you. I miss you, which is strange because you are in the same house as me.” she let out a laugh. “It will take time, but I would soon feel comfortable talking to you again. Please know that I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

Sirius smiled.

“Okay” he said.

“Okay.” She repeated.

***

After that (Y/n) and Sirius spent time together again. It wasn’t the same as before, but it was better for them both. Or so they thought. Sirius found himself itching to hug her again, to hold her close. It was torture even more so than before. It wasn’t just a passing infatuation and Sirius was reminded that every single time he was close to her. Every time she would smile, Sirius would feel his heart flutter.

It was soon to be Christmas and house was bustling with life and joy. Harry was there and Sirius felt at his best. Everything was going smoothly; Sirius had Remus, Harry and (Y/n) the most important people in his life with him. He couldn’t ask for more.

“(Y/n)! I hope you didn’t miss me much!” came the voice from the dining room door. It was Molly’s second son, Charlie, the one that worked in Romania.

“Charlie!” (Y/n) shouted as she launched herself into his arms making Sirius’s stomach twist. He clenched his jaw as she didn’t seem to move away from him. (Y/n) dragged Charlie towards him.

“Sirius, this is Charlie, my absolute best friend!” she said smiling.

Sirius forced a smile shaking Charlie’s hand.

Over the next few days, it seemed Charlie and (Y/n) were inseparable much to Sirius’s dismay. It was gut-wrenching. They always seemed to have an inside joke and he wanted to be the one (Y/n) had them with. They would be seen at the corner of the room giggling and laughing. Sirius was told that Charlie and (Y/n) were childhood best friends. The way they behaved, no-one wouldn’t be surprised if they started dating, even though that thought made him furiously angry. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. He was the one that pushed her away. But that didn’t stop him from feeling hot with jealousy.

It was the night before Christmas. Everyone had made efforts to prepare the big dinner. The twins had put on some music and Sirius had fun seeing his best-friend Remus dance with Tonks. Remus had a crimson blush on his face as his niece put his hand over her waist. It was about time Remus did something for himself.

“They’ll make an excellent couple.” (Y/n) said standing beside him.

“I think so too. But Remus thinks he’s too old for her.” Sirius said looking at her. She shook her head.

“What’s age anyway? I know Tonks is old enough to take her own decisions. If two people love each-other, does it really matter when the other was born or how many more years they’ve lived?” she said with a twinkle in her eyes and Sirius felt as if he should tell her, right then that he loved her; had for a very long time.

“(Y/n)!!! Come on I don’t wanna feel lonely between all these lovey-dovey couples, dance with me!” Charlie said taking (Y/n)’s hand. (Y/n) giggled as he took her to the middle of the hall with him. Charlie twirled her around the floor and she moved elegantly with him. They laughed swaying to the beats of music looking the happiest people in the world.

It all felt too much. Sirius excused himself as he left the room trying to calm himself. He wanted to scream. He tried breathing exercises wanting to control himself. After a few minutes he was able to compose himself and he moved to return back.

“There you are!” (Y/n) said as she came towards him. When she came near though they froze. He tried to move but couldn’t. He looked up to find a small mistletoe growing. He gulped.

“You’ll get out after you kiss!” said George as he ran away.

(Y/n) looked up at him hesitantly and bit her lips. Damn! Did she have to do that!

“Let’s just do a quick peck.” (Y/n) told Sirius as she tried to breathe. Her feelings for him had only increased and now this?

(Y/n) tiptoed and gave a peck on Sirius’s lips feeling the spell wear away. Sirius cupped her cheeks, moving forward and kissed her deeply, pressing his lips firmly against her plush ones. (Y/n) froze. As Sirius moved his head away from her she felt like she was in a trance. Those silver grey eyes seemed to convey so much emotion and she wasn’t sure she understood it all.

“Why?” was all she could croak out.

“I love you. Have for a very long time. I felt I was unworthy; didn’t deserve you. Lets be real, I’m a fugitive.”

“Wrongly charged” she interjected.

“Fine; wrongly charged and old. I don’t have a job and I possibly couldn’t take care of you but I can’t. I cannot pretend to not want to hold you or kiss you or call you mine. I cannot pretend that I don’t get jealous whenever I see another man make you laugh when I should be the one doing it. I cannot pretend that you drive me crazy like never before even though I spent years in Azkaban. I am being selfish but I want you. I-“

(Y/n) put her hand over his mouth making him stop.

“Then. Don’t. Pretend.” She said smiling as she hugged him so tightly he felt air leave his lungs but he didn’t care as he hugged her back with the same fervor. They pulled away only to pull each other in a passionate kiss.

Charlie’s whistling broke them away.

“About time” he shouted as Sirius snuck an arm around (Y/n)’s waist.

A/N: Let me know what you think!

#sirius #sirius black #siriusxreader #sirius black x reader #sirius x reader #harry potter #sirius imagine #sirius black imagine #my work #Anu writes

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kieraswriting · 3 years

Text

Coffin Chapter Five

Masterpost

The humans were all gone. Roman had left first. He didn’t seem to spend much time at the house. Logan and Patton had left later on.

Virgil had been here for a few weeks now. He was allowed to do what he wanted in the basement, except at night, when the cell was locked again. There wasn’t much to do. There were several games in the cabinets, but most games required two or more people. Logan brought down some books, and that would have been nice, had they been anything he could understand. They were very technical, and not in subjects he knew much about. So Virgil ended up playing a whole lot of solitaire and making card houses.

There was a familiar sound from above him. The front door was being opened. Odd. He’d thought they would be away for much longer.

“Patton! Are you home?”

Ok, no. That was not any of their voices. A friend maybe?

Footsteps went all over the downstairs, and then probably the upstairs, where Virgil couldn’t hear as well.

“Go away,” he muttered. “They aren’t home.”

Virgil put the cards back in the package.

Then the footsteps came to the basement door. It was locked. He was sure. He hadn’t checked, but he knew they always locked the basement door. He’d be safe down here. But he hadn’t checked!

Then he heard a key being turned in the lock and the door opening. Virgil raced into the cell and pulled the door shut. He didn’t watch where he put his hand, and got a burn from the silver, but it would heal soon enough.

“Hello? Is someone down here?”

Crap. He should’ve just been quiet and still.

A man came down the stairs. He was in his forties or fifties, but clearly the kind of man that took pride in his strength. But looking at his face, Virgil had no doubt that he was related to Patton. He carried two silver pistols openly on his hips, and probably all those pockets had other implements for either capturing or killing vampires. He had a badge on his chest that proclaimed him to be a Vampire Hunter.

All hunters smelled bad, like Death herself had shared her perfume with them, but this was the worst Virgil had smelled yet. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t smelled it as soon as the front door opened.

He also hasn’t known that hunters were open like this. He’d heard stories of hunters before, but that was because he was always around vampires. Some people were still suspicious that vampires existed, how were hunters able to just declare themselves like this?

“Oh, are you the one sent to Patton?” The man asked.

Virgil didn’t make any kind of reply. He didn’t know him. He didn’t owe him anything, not even a reply. He just hoped the man wouldn’t try to come into the cell.

“Not very aggressive, are you?” The man walked further into the room, noting the cards on the table.

Virgil watched warily. There was no way that the man didn’t realize the door was unlocked. Roman had come in. If the man kept coming closer, he might come in as well.

“Haven’t even got a muzzle on or anything…” the man said, turning to stare at Virgil. “I bet if I came in there you wouldn’t try to bite me, would you?”

Virgil’s breathing sped up. He did not want some strange dude coming any closer.

“No, that was a question. Answer me. If I came in, would you bite me?” The man’s voice had turned harsh and commanding.

Virgil shook his head.

The intensity faded away. The man pulled a massive key right out of a pocket, and searched for awhile. He found the right key, and locked the cell. Virgil wasn’t sure how he had keys to everything, but he didn’t doubt that this man would shoot him if he protested to anything.

After locking the cell, the man went back upstairs. Virgil could hear him, either talking to himself oddly or on several different phone calls. It was another three hours before Patton got home.

•^*^••

Patton got home and was surprised to find the front door unlocked. He was sure that he’d locked it when he left.

“Oh, Pat!” He heard his dad say as he stepped inside.

“Dad! Hi!” Patton stepped around the corner to the living room and stopped dead. “What are you wearing?”

His dad grinned, looking down at the numerous tools of the trade that were attached very visibly to his clothes. “You know I had a meeting with the board today.”

“Yes…” Patton frowned slightly. “I thought you were going to call and tell me how it went.”

“It’s all far too big to say over the phone.”

Patton sat down. “Ok. What happened?”

“We’ve decided that we’ve been wrong, doing things the way we’ve been.”

Patton nodded.

“Now, China still disagrees, and several from Africa and one from Canada, but all of the European representatives completely agree with us.”

“Wait, this was a big board meeting? I thought it wasn’t bigger than America.” Patton interrupted.

“Well, it wasn’t going to be, but once we decided, we went ahead and contacted the other branches, and set up a whole big thing!”

Patton nodded again.

“So, it’s been decided that hunters should become public.”

“What?!”

“I know! But it’s been a long time coming. We can only do so much if we can’t let anyone know about it. Even silver guns are still pretty loud.”

“But I thought that the whole reason of keeping it a secret was to avoid people panicking.”

“Yes, but when we weighed a few weeks of panic against the lives vampires could be taking while we slink around, trying to do things slowly, it’s been decided that we should just out with the whole thing.”

“You think they’ll all be caught in a few weeks?”

“Eh, not all, but I’d say 90% is a safe bet. If the vampires get exposed, we’ll have people handing them in left and right.”

“But if people try to hand them in, those people could get hurt.”

His dad shrugged. “Not more people than the other option. So, because of all this, we’re gonna get badges, and I’m working on getting the police to work with us, it’s gonna be so much to do!”

Patton nodded, a bit dazed. “Yeah, I see the badge. What are you going to do with all the vampires? Surely there isn’t that much room to hold them all.”

“We have a decent amount of room, but what we’re going to do is have them split up between the ones that are controllable, and uncontrollable. The uncontrollable ones we’ll stake, and the controllable ones we’ll work with to give something back to the community. That’s where you come in.”

“Me?” Patton squeaked.

“Sure! You’ve always been able to get nearly any vampire to do what you wanted inside of a week. I’ve been downstairs, noticed how well trained that one is already. You could really help with this, Pat.”

“It’s… it’s a lot, Dad. I don’t know yet.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine! You’ll just have to show a couple of our guys how you do things, and then they’ll be able to do their parts by themselves. It’ll be good practice for you, make it easier for you to take over my job one day.”

Patton turned his instinctive grimace into a kind of a smile. “Yeah… I guess, knowing the people already would make it easier.”

“It’s not just knowing them, Pat. It’s taking a leadership role. You’ll lead the hunters, and they’ll see your natural genius with vampires, and you’ll start making the important connections you’ll need when you get to be my age.”

“It’s still just a lot, Dad. I think I need time to think it over.”

“No, you don’t understand, we’re doing this today.”

“Today?! Why?”

“The sooner the better! We’re going to jump them, before any news can leak out and they hide away. I’m expecting you to come with me tonight on the first big hunt.”

“I—I just, I’ve only just heard about this—“

“Let me rephrase this, if you don’t come tonight, not only will I be disappointed in you, but I’ll be embarrassed in front of a very large group of people.”

Patton froze.

“And frankly, I’m surprised that you aren’t excited about this.”

Patton could handle his dad being upset with him, it happened. He could even handle him being disappointed, though that definitely hurt more. But how could he embarrass his Dad? And publicly? And he’d be doing it on purpose. He couldn’t. He could just do that.

“I’ll be there. When does it start?”

“Sunset. I’ve brought you and your friends badges. I’d love to stay until then, but I’ve got to contact the rest of the hunters in this part of the country, and there’s not much time left now.” He stood up and set three of the badges on the table. “I can’t wait to see you again tonight.”

Pat mustered up a weak smile.

“I love you, Pat.”

Patton accepted the hug his dad offered. “Love you too.”

•^*^••

Virgil had been listening carefully to the conversation going on above him. It sounded bad. Really bad.

He knew that they were hunters, but hearing Patton’s dad talk so casually about staking large numbers of vampires, and probably enslaving the rest, sent a cold chill through him.

Then Patton’s dad left, and Patton started downstairs.

“Virgil?”

Virgil wasn’t sure what to say. “...hi.”

“Are you alright? My dad said he came down here earlier.”

And then Virgil was reminded that he was talking with Patton. Patton who was kind, and tried to be considerate even to a vampire. Patton who could possibly be convinced.

“I-I heard you two talking…” Virgil said, testing the waters.

Patton’s eyes went wide, and then a little ashamed.

“Patton, please, don’t help do something like this.”

“I have to.”

“No, you really don’t. It’s not even— I don’t know why you do any of it. You don’t have to.”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“My dad lost my mom and my brother, and nearly me too, to vampires. I can’t leave him. He needs me.”

“But surely you don’t have to do this. Surely you don’t want to!”

“I don’t want to hurt innocent people, vampires or human, but most vampires aren’t innocent, Virgil. You aren’t like most of them.”

“Your dad doesn’t want to find out who’s innocent.” Virgil said, leaning against the bars of the cell. “He wants to find which of them are useful as slaves and kill the rest.”

Patton sat down heavily, scrubbing at his face with his hands. “There isn’t anything else I can do. I can’t go against my dad. I won’t.”

“If you don’t, you let innocent people get hurt. And die.”

Patton squeezed his eyes shut, and tears leaked out. “I know…” he whispered.

The door upstairs opened. “Patton? I’m home.” It was Logan’s voice.

“Um…” Patton swiped tears off of his face. “I’m downstairs!” His voice sounded shockingly happier to Virgil.

Soon Logan came down the stairs. Of course he noticed Patton’s slightly blotchy face, but didn’t comment.

“Is there some sort of conversation going on?”

“Yeah, my dad came by. It’s uh,” Patton gave a dry laugh. “It’s pretty big news.”

He explained quickly to Logan.

“I see. And what are your thoughts on this?”

Patton shook his head. “I don’t know. I have a lot of thoughts, but they’re all twisted up right now.”

Logan nodded understandingly. “And what are your thoughts, Virgil?”

“I think it’s going to catch a whole lot of people that didn’t do anything wrong.” Virgil said bitterly.

Logan nodded, a curious look on his face. “And what percentage of the vampire population would you believe is similar to you? In their desire not to hurt others, primarily.”

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t know that many vampires.”

“Then what leads you to believe that such a large number of people caught in this effort would be innocent?”

Virgil shrugged, but gritted his teeth anyway.

“I truly am interested in your opinion and thought process.” Logan said. “Please elaborate. I am unable to understand you from mere shoulder movements.”

“Just— they can't all be violent! It’s not like we lose out feelings or memories when we get turned. Even if they do hurt people, they could be doing it on accident, or they felt like they were driven to it. And… and I’m also scared. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else, ever. But this sounds almost worse, and he was talking as if it would be a lot of people.”

“I’m going to infer that you also are concerned that you would be thrust into a difficult or painful position again, correct?”

Virgil chewed on his lip, but nodded.

“Your concerns are valid. I do not know precisely how to address them at this time, but your points are still valid. I personally intend to go this evening, if only to gather more information. I would be open to another conversation upon my return.”

“It’s not the time for information gathering!” Virgil insisted. “They’re going to be killing people tonight. Maybe a lot of people.”

“I personally do not believe that there will be many, if any casualties tonight. I believe that many others will be caught just as off guard as we have been. The hunters, while certainly more energetic, ought not to be any more efficient than usual. And they will be in the open. Any vampires will have adequate time to find a place to hide for a night.”

Patton looked downright hopeful at hearing this.

“In the next four weeks, however, there is indeed a potential for much bloodshed, and it will likely be influenced by the events of this evening. I find it imperative that I be there as a witness.”

Patton was nodding.

The front door banged open. “Guys! Have you heard the news?! Patton? Logan?”

“Downstairs!” Patton called.

Roman bounded down the stairs, the most exuberant Virgil has seen him yet. “Have you heard?! This could be it for me!”

“Yes, we have heard, Roman.” Logan said calmly. “And yes, you could possibly ‘make a name for yourself’ this evening.” He even did air quotes for the expression, which Virgil found amusing.

“You just… you have to be careful what kind of name.” Patton said, his face creased with worry again.

Roman was practically bouncing up and down with excitement, for once not deterred by Virgil’s presence, a badge already pinned to his shirt.

•^*^••

On the tv, playing in Thomas’s house, came a woman’s voice.

“It seems that the hunters have finally found a vampire. We have not confirmed this fact yet. They’ve— oh. Oh, dear God, they’ve torn it apart… No! Do not put the camera near it. Oh. Oh God.”

Thomas turned the tv off. He knew that Dee had to have heard, even from his hiding place. He put his face in his hands and sighed deeply. Life was about to become a nightmare.

•^*^••

When Virgil heard the humans get back in the early morning, there was the unmistakable sound of crying.

#sanders sides #vampire au #vampires #blood #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #emile picani #remy sleep #my own work #coffin #violence #speciesism #vampire virgil #platonic moxiety

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eukennedy · 3 years

Photo

⟨ LORENZO ZURZOLO. DEMIBOY. HE/THEY. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, KENNEDY MORETTI-KING is actually a descendent of A T H E N A. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-THREE year old MEDICAL STUDENT from MILAN, ITALY has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite BRILLIANT & SELFISH.

FULL NAME: kennedy moretty-king. NICKNAME(S): he prefers his full name, but gets ‘ken’, ‘kenny’ and ‘king’ often. AGE: twenty-three. BIRTHDAY: november 1st. GENDER: demiboy. PRONOUNS: he/they. ( mostly goes by he, but doesn’t care ) ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: panromantic. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual. MAJOR: he’s currently in med school, but completed a bachelor’s of science in neuroscience. HEIGHT: 6′1". MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral evil. MBTI: ENTP HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin. TRAITS: ambitious, intelligent, disingenuous, judgmental, quick-witted, selfish, petty, passionate, outgoing, charming.

short bio blurb.

for your first few years of life, your cries are met with warm consoling arms, kisses over scraped knees and meals around the dinner table. as you grow older, the concept washes out of sight like a salty tide: slowly, then all at once. your parents draw the lines and your nannies color them in, and with time you realize you might in fact be the only kid in history who doesn’t resent them for it. not one bit.

a son of two brilliant surgeons ( your godly parent delivered you as a gift, but your real mother is not athena ), your life has been filled with ten-minute holidays and interrupted birthdays. as you grew to understand it, you discovered you hardly minded much. after all, you inherited your parents’ desire for medicine and excellence, and you aspire to be so busy one day, crave it, actually, so you fill your need for attention elsewhere and allot the rest of your time to achieving perfection. you’re in the stars and you know it; there’s no time to hold success against the people that drove you there.

though your family’s social circle shifted its orbit to the rich and powerful, they remain grounded as ever. for this, your ego is your best kept secret at home. mother and father would grill you for your narcissistic reputation, so you hide it when you’re back for the holidays behind big smiles and perfectly plated meals. they want you to be proud, not arrogant, but it’s not your fault: you just can’t help that you’re always right.

if you fall, though, you fall far –- the morettis and the kings don’t throw money at problems.

they solve them.

your desire for greatness burns bright in your belly and your affinity for it has a habit of taking over the more tender parts of your heart. you’re not cruel, just destined, and nothing puts you on your toes faster than a threat, so you remove them. poll ten people and seven might think you brutal in your ambition, but all is fair in love, war and the pursuit of knowledge.

you’re focused but more romantic than what meets the eye. while chocolates and flowers aren’t your forte, but loyalty and dedication are. there’s no better lover than one who has a habit of sinking its teeth into anything they love, and you’re a dog whose never given up a bone in his life.

your softer inner workings are there underneath and you’re not ashamed, not at all, they’ll bring you the other piece of the puzzle one day. someone to help you hold that trophy high above your head and someone to smile while they do. vulnerability doesn’t set you back; it propels you, but you’re still skating around how to equip it just right. you’re prone to using words like fire to mask your ego, and communication fizzles out by a stinging touch.

now, you turn your head toward the future. the snap of latex gloves and the slice of a scalpel. the desire to invent, to perform, to heal – anything along the way is a blip, a moment, but nothing that can’t be solved when you refuse to stop. your fate is in your hands.

background breakdown.

kennedy moretti-king is the son of two famous surgeons: dr. giada moretti-king ( mostly known as dr. moretti ) and dr. jason king. both have made several advancements in their fields, dr. moretti herself working on innovative tools to advance laparoscopic surgery as a general surgeon, and dr. king as a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon.

dr. jason moved to america to italy where he met giada and that’s also where they were gifted little kennedy here, so he was raised in milan for the most part, where both his parents work at grande ospedale metropolitano niguarda.

while many others have struggled to find where a godly parent or a demigod child fits into their lives, their family was completely different. kennedy was an experiment of sorts, a gift from athena to one of the most intelligent human couples that couldn’t bear their own children. for that, athena has remained relatively removed from kennedy’s life, though he’s almost always been aware of her existence. athena remains quite happy with kennedy and his parents raising him as their own, and kenny knows giada as his mother, not athena.

although his parents were absent more often than not due to their demanding work lives, kennedy knew from a young age that he wanted to follow in their footsteps. raised mostly by various nannies over the years, kennedy was bothered when he was younger when his parents didn’t make it to every recital; however, this was mostly erased as he grew old enough to understand their occupations.

it was love at first sight when kennedy visited the hospital. maybe not the bloody surgery part, but medicine in general, the intense need to know about the body. why it worked the way it did. he was absolutely fascinated. the time he did spend with his parents was used to soak up all the knowledge he could, and they never minded much. it gave them common ground to love the same thing.

the kings were glad to have one son that wanted to follow in their footsteps, and so even if there’s a large distance between them at times, kennedy has always had a fairly good relationship with his parents, even if that comes with immense pressure. his parents would’ve been equally as happy should he had wanted to pursue something else ( all they wanted was a happy and healthy child ) but kenny’s desire to pursue the same line of work was a welcome coincidence. they teach him everything they know, but they’re well aware it won’t be very long until he knows far more than they do.

due to his constant pursuit of knowledge, athena’s never quite bothered to interfere in his life but the threats that lurk outside the protected walls were the reason kennedy chose to pursue education within eonia’s campus.

it should also be said that his parents are extremely dope people, they both did a lot of pro bono work, charity work and partook in doctors without borders. they are Rich Rich and so is kennedy, but they very much wanted him to have a down-to-earth experience. it failed, in some ways, but while kennedy could be years ahead in his studies, it’s limited so he’s only about a year or so ahead of his peers. they wanted him to have a social life! and not be an emotionally stunted child genius! but alas, it did not entirely work out <3

personality breakdown.

to say he’s a perfectionist is an understatement. he simply refuses to go into a field and be the flop of the family, so his pursuit of knowledge is pretty unparalleled. he takes his studies seriously, and doesn’t really relate to the college life of skipping 8ams to nurse hangovers.

not that he doesn’t have them -– but we love a man that perseveres.

wish i had his confidence of just assuming everything’s going to go his way. his label means force or necessity, and that’s because kennedy has a way of making things working in his favor with pure force. ‘kennedy, aren’t you worried you’ll fail?’ ‘no.’ ‘how?i’ ‘because i won’t let myself. duh’

although he doesn’t have the softest personality due to the lack of being hugged as a child, kennedy, at his core, isn’t entirely evil. he’s capable of caring about people and does. he’s a passionate person, and that can translate to love and loyalty for the right people. he doesn’t half-ass anything, so when he commits it’s on.

still, the boy has quite an ego. for him to think something is good enough to commit to takes a bit. he’s got particular taste, never backs down from a fight, and almost annoyingly always thinks he’s right. his ambition can sometimes blind him to the point of selfishness at times, even if his heart is in the right place.

he’s got his good qualities, though! for someone he loves, he’s there. he’s quite dependent when he wants to be, and he’s smart as anything. if you need help getting out of a jam, his brain is basically hardwired to know how to land on his feet.

kennedy is very organized and put together. never catch a wrinkle, even on his plain t-shirts. he shows his love through helping: he’s more likely to help you clean your dorm or organize your study notes for your test than deliver a monologue on his love for you, but it counts! you just need to know what to look for.

a brat but sometimes a lovable brat.

wanted connections.

a best friend. kennedy grew up without serious parental figures ( not by choice, but they were busy rip ), so i’d love a childhood best friend with him that accepts him for his personality flaws. he would be hella ride or die for this person, which he isn’t for much of anyone else, so that means quite a bit! someone to keep him grounded, call him out on his bullshit, but not completely destroy his ego.

exes. honestly, kennedy can be quite the petty betch. i can envision a lot of ugly breakups in his past OR we can plot some exes on good terms! he’s not totally emotionally stunted, can be quite a good boyf when he wants to be, but also a complete nightmare too. any gender feel free !

hookups. self-explanatory. college life. the nature of their relationship will be entirely dependent on the muses and their dynamic, but kennedy isn’t always the nicest to his casual flings depending on their dynamic. some friends with benefits could work, though, for positive casual connections.

enemies. okay, look at this bratty bitch. there is no way he doesn’t have some, if not many, enemies. he has a temper and doesn’t like to be told no, so if you ever wanna verbally spat it out, feel free. he won’t swing, tho. those are surgeon’s hands, baby.

hate-to-love friendship. someone dopey or complete unambitious that somehow kennedy still loves despite them being total opposites. he doesn’t get why they don’t do their assignments, or why they fall asleep drunk in the bathtub twice a week, but he really can’t deny that they amuse him and he cares about them.

anything else!

#euintro

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dandivinity · 4 years

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Madokannon: Religious Symbolism in Madoka Magica

If there’s one word I’d use to describe the show, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, it would be deceptive. If you’re wondering how a cute Sailor Moon rip-off with even brighter colors and a moe art-style is deceptive, congrats, you fell for the deception. As the series continues, it becomes clear that the show is not a cut-and-dry monster of the week where good always triumphs. Rather it is a pastel-colored Faustian bargain where even the best intentions can lead to dire consequences. In the end it is only through the titular characters unshakeable hope and faith and no small amount of divine intervention that the series reaches it’s bitter sweet conclusion. This is obvious upon a first viewing. What is less obvious is the nature that this divine intervention takes. While the show occasionally makes direct connections to Christianity, It seems to me that the theology implemented is Buddhist through and through complete with Four noble truths, samsara, vile rebirth, and an allegory of the bodhisattva Kannon.

Let’s start with the basis of the show, the wishes. This is one of Madoka’s most prominent aspects and the largest concern from the beginning of the series before the villain’s true underpinnings are revealed. For those of you not familiar, 1). Why are you reading this? And 2). The set-up of the Madoka, like most magical girl anime, involves a cute animal mascot offering the girls magical powers in order to fight monsters. What makes this set up unique however is that the oh so cute cat-bunny-thing known as Kyubey also offers the girls one wish as an incentive so that they would accept it’s “contract”. Now the use of the word “contract” is an obvious red flag meant to alert us to the Faustian nature of the deal. And yes, the agreement comes with several hidden clauses that Kyubey conveniently leaves out such as the fact that becoming a magical girl involves having your soul removed from your body and placed into a gem because it’s “easier to protect”. But Kyubey’s not exactly stealing it like a Christian devil would. More importantly than the hidden clauses though, is the wishes themselves.

Now stories of the devil tempting people with promises of wealth or power are quite common in Western literature, as are tales of djinn or monkey paws providing wishes that always go wrong in Near Eastern lit. But what’s extraordinary about Madoka is that for the most part the wishes the girls grant are simple in nature and rather generous. Our main focus point, and the only wish we see pursued from beginning to end in chronological order is that of Sayaka Miki. Sayaka is established to be crushing on a boy who was a former violin prodigy before a car accident left him paralyzed with no hope of playing ever again. Sayaka wishes for him to be healed, and just like that, it’s done.

The boy does not relapse, nor does he lead into another accident. He simply starts a miraculous yet slow path to recovery, until the series finale where he is shown without crutches and playing beautifully for a wide audience. The problem? Well as pointed out before Sayaka even makes the wish, she’s wasn’t actually doing it for him: she was on an unconscious level hoping that he’d be forever grateful to her. Does she hold this over him? No. Does he reject her? No. She simply doesn’t ask. Sayaka is too busy with her new responsibilities and ashamed of what she has become to ask.

And frankly the importance of Kyosuke in Sayaka’s fall is largely overstated by the fanbase. Yes, he’s a large factor but even more so than wanting to heal him or his gratitude, Sayaka wants to be a hero. This is heightened when their magical mentor dies within the first three episodes. Sayaka now feels like it’s her responsibility to protect her city as no one else will. Unfortunately, she’s simply not as strong as her former mentor or the new morally unsound magical girls that seeks to dispose of her (both Kyoko and Homura). This is really what leads to Sayaka’s downward spiral as she comments, “The world doesn’t need a magical girl who can’t even kill a witch”. Sayaka wants to be a hero, and she wants to get the guy and she gets neither. Her desires, both fulfilled and unfulfilled, all lead to her suffering. This is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.

I realize this isn’t the most convincing argument on its own but let’s zoom out a bit here. What is desire if not earthly attachments? Attachment and inability to let go of attachment is a concept found in nearly all the wishes in the show. It doesn’t matter if it’s Sayaka’s wishing for her friend’s health, Mami literally trying to cling to life, or Kyoko (in the most directly religious moment in the show) wishing that people would come to her father’s sermons so that her family could have enough to eat. All of these desires are moral in some way and yet they are still desires. More importantly, they all involve a longing for what once was, and are attempts to return things to how they were rather than moving on. This inability to let go is characterized not just in the wishes but in the reason they’re implemented in the first place.

When Kyubey finally explains why they knowingly cause suffering to countless adolescent girls throughout time, they explain it’s to harvest enough renewable energy from the emotions of magical girls to stave off the entropy of the universe. The whole process is rather convoluted and -let’s face it- an excuse to deconstruct magical girl tropes, but that doesn’t change the fact that preventing the heat death of the universe is still Kyubey’s number one goal. That combined with their inability to truly understand the suffering they’re causing has caused some of the community to question their villain status or at least say they’re a villain with a just cause. And while postponing the heat death of the universe may be noble in the long run, it is a literal fight against the impermanence of the universe. A fight that we know from Buddhism is doomed to only lead to personal trauma in the face of inevitability of a changing world. But it is this fight against impermanence that kyubey embodies so well, and one that is baked into the wish-based magical girl system they run.

Ok, enough beating around the bush. It’s time to talk about Homura. After spending most of the show as a mysterious red-herring villain that knows far too much, Homura finally gets an episode dedicated to her near the end of the show where it’s revealed she’s a time traveller who restarted the timeline over and over again in order to make her wish come true; to be able to save Madoka. Specifically Homura has to replay the same month over and over again until she can succeed in saving Madoka’s life and cannot escape until this goal is reached. This obsession leads to a very literal samsara, by repeating the timeline again and again Homura is actively choosing to trap herself in endless cycles of suffering, death, and rebirth all because of her attachment to the mortal world. Through this process we can see Homura fall apart becoming more and more monstrous in her single-minded focus to save Madoka at the expense of everything else. By the time she arrives at our main timeline that the rest of the show takes place in, Homura is comparable to a hungry ghost. She’s directly accused of walking through the world as if dead, unable to feel anything except for the desire that damned her in the first place, her obsession with Madoka. When even this too seems lost, she nearly becomes a witch.

In Mahayana Buddhism, rebirth on earth is not the worst thing that can happen after one’s death. If one leads a sufficiently desperate life they can be reborn as an animal, hungry ghost, or in hell. This is where Madoka’s witches come from. Perhaps the most tragic twist in Madoka Magica is that if a magical girl falls into despair (usually due to her wish’s inability to make her happy), her soul gem will transform into a grief seed which then becomes one of the monsters they fight. These nightmare collage monsters have new names separate from their old identities and live in pocket dimensions where they lure people in. These pocket dimensions often in someway manifests the desires of their old lives being filled with sweets, TVs, or (in Sayaka’s case) violinists. Interestingly, when Sayaka first dies and is reborn as the witch Octavia in a train station, her labyrinth is also full of railroad tracks. She relocates to a concert hall and the labyrinth follows suit, but train wheels remain despite having no apparent bearing on her previous life. This could be a reference to Buddhist beliefs about your final thoughts and which direction you look when you die having bearing on which realm you’ll be reborn into.

Homura’s obsession in contrasted by Madoka’s ability to let go. Madoka’s final wish and subsequent ascension has often been compared to Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and rightfully so. Madoka’s wish to become a cosmic force that can take on all the despair of magical girls before they become witches at the cost of her own mortal life has many strong parallels to Jesus suffering on the cross to redeem humanity. However that idea only works if Jesus is suffering. Madoka is stated to be taking the grief of every magical girl who ever became a witch onto herself and we even see a far future version of her becoming a witch large enough to destroy the world. But before it does it is shot down by another version of a truly ascended Madoka in a white dress. This version states paradoxically that since her wish applies to all magical girls that would become witches, that includes herself. The fluidity of time and direct denial of the necessity of suffering or sacrifice are at odds with Orthodox Chriastianity, or at least its perception of Jesus. Rather I argue that the way Madoka saves all the magical girls, her subsequent erasure from existence, and even such mundane symbols such as the white dress all link her closer to the Bodhisattva, Kannon.

Let’s take a closer look at the scene where we see Madoka actually ascends and manifests to relieve the potential witches of their grief. We see Madoka split herself into thousands shafts of light, all of which appear above different suffering magical girls in different places and time periods. And above all of them Madoka appears, she touches their corrupted soul gems which are then purified before shattering, allowing the magical girls to die in peace. A rather sad ending, but one that’s better than rebirth as a witch, which we already identified as equivalent to the hell realm. So while it is unclear where the magical girls are going to go after they die (or even if they go anywhere at all as we just saw the gems holding their souls shatter, possibly destroying them), we can know that Madoka is saving them from a worse rebirth. This directly parallels miracle tales that surround the Bodhisattva Kannon, especially in her Chinese incarnation as the white-robed Guanyin.

Kannon is the primary example of Bodhisattva or one who has put off Budhahood to aid those still on earth. Kannon in particular swears to never ascend until all living things have been freed of samsara. She’s often depicted as having 11 heads and a thousand arms to better reach all those suffering in the world at once, like how Madoka splits herself into a myriad of forms. Many of these tales have devotees of Guanyin spared from tragic fates such as beheadings or shipwrecks. However a few, adapt these stories to instead refer to a more metaphorical salvation, especially in the pure land tradition popular in Japan which then says that anyone who calls out to Kannon on the verge of their death will be still die and be reborn to the pure land rather than wherever else they were supposed to reincarnate. Madoka’s god form even highly resembles the Chinese incarnation, Guanyin. Wikipedia states, “Guanyin is generally portrayed as a young woman wearing a flowing white robe, and usually also necklaces symbolic of Indian or Chinese royalty. In her left hand is a jar containing pure water, and the right holds a willow branch.” While we never see Madoka with any water; the flowing white dress, red gems along her collar bone, and branch-like bow (though on that seems to be more of a sakura branch) all bring to mind Guanyin.

Finally Madoka’s ascension ends with her body dissolving into glimmers of light as she explains how no one will remember her, but she’ll still be there. This dissolution of the her spiritual body is a visual symbol of ego-death. Madoka recreates a word where she does not exist, and had never existed, yet still manifests as a concept and virtuous force that leads others to salvation rather than as a sentient entity. This is the Nirvana. Madoka hadn’t just ascended to godhood, she had surpassed it and achieved nothingness, as her buddha nature radiates throughout the world, ultimately changing it into something better. This is the paradox of Buddhism and the goal of any buddhist practitioner, to achieve an inner peace so strong you become a part of the universe like madoka had. And the new world she created was better for it.

That is at least until the show decided to make a movie sequel and trick madoka into descending. At that point she stops acting as a Buddha and instead as Pistis Sophia in line with the obscure belief system of 2nd century Gnostics. But that will be a conversation for another time.

#madoka magica #buddhism #madoka kamane #kaname madoka #kannon #guanyin #kuan-yin #samsara #homura akemi #pmmm sayaka #pmmm #Essay #Religion #Religious studies #I should've submitted this two months ago when it was still relevant.#oh well

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lokidrabbles · 4 years

Text

Ethereal (Loki x Reader)

Reader is having some doubts about their relationship with Loki.

You had been quiet. Too quiet. Loki took note of this, wondering what could have happened to cause you to...refrain from talking so much like before.

You had been mindlessly staring at a window, lost in your thoughts and in your doubts. Something had been building up in your chest, something important to spew out towards the other individual in the room. It was shameful and embarrassing, however, and you dared not disrupt the harmony you had created with him. You attempted your best to ignore the subject as much as possible. Unfortunately, Loki was a master of knowing very well when you weren’t being your usual self.

In a way, both of you knew your relationship was more than typical. You two had shared several intimate moments, had expressed your attraction to each other in the most physical way imaginable, and now it was undoubtedly true of how you both could not go one day without seeing each other, being in each other’s presence.

But, how long would it last? How much deeper could you dig into this?

While Loki was no mind reader, he has lived long enough to know exactly what thoughts had been racing in your mind. He wasn’t a fool. He knew you had more than likely taking a huge fancy to him, developed those sweet feelings, and you had been battling within yourself whether this was a right step to take. He knew, whatever little thoughts you had running in your head, of the doubt which was present, and how you were potentially wondering how this could just be a huge mistake.

It irked him to no extent.

To Loki, he took this much differently as an Asgardian. While you were preoccupied with creating a catastrophic event to every little negativity present in your head, he dug himself deep in the moment and in the small private occasions he would spend with you. Loki was certainly a person who enjoyed the instant gratification of being able to be this close to you, both physically and emotionally. While it would be a lie to say he did not fall into brief doubts ever so often, he was fully open to taking in the enjoyment of this “relationship” to the maximum. He understood however, in whatever way he wanted to interpret it, he needed to approach the situation carefully. Truth be told, Loki was lacking in providing comfort, or understanding how to do so. But, at least, he could offer some relief.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. It’s obvious it’s about me.” Loki stated nonchalantly, his arms crossed over his chest. There was a small hint of assertiveness in his voice.

“Hmm? Nothing? Why are you asking?” You held your hands close to your chest.

“You know better than to try to fool me (y/n).” He continued, continuing to be annoyed that you would dare to do so.

You turned with an arched eyebrow, seemingly unsure as to what he referred to. You shrugged your shoulders, providing both an answer and no answer at all. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

Loki sighed, swinging himself upwards and walked over to join you by the window pane. He kneeled down on one leg at your eye level, providing you with a good look at his deep green eyes, ensuring your gaze did not falter away from his. His expression was rigid, making your heart skip a beat. You knew this stare very well. He wasn’t messing around. “Speak.” A single word. Simple but a furious strength behind it.

You shuffled a bit in your seat, taking a soft breath. You quickly thought of what way you could potentially cover up, but you feared angering him even more. Caught between a rock and a hard place, you gave in, knowing very well you’d rather take Loki’s scolding than his frustration with you.

“I...just-”

He nodded attentively.

You swallowed down the sourness in your mouth. “I just don’t know if...this is enough for you.”

Loki made a motion with his hand for you to continue. He knew there was more to it.

“I know this is going to sound completely stupid to you, and I know I’m not going to hear the end of it, but I don’t think we should be together.”

Loki hid very well how hard he had taken these words you had just spewed from your mouth. He hadn’t thought you would have been thinking about something this severe. Maybe something along the lines of feeling unwanted, or having a lack of romance, but not wanting to be together? It was an unfiltered feeling he had seldom felt.

“This is only me just lusting after you. I don’t want it to be that way,” you whispered quietly.

“What way do you want it to be.” He responded quickly.

“I don’t...want to just fall for your exterior, you know? I want to, know you better.” You said, feeling the sour knot in your throat. You realized just how selfish you had sounded, regretting everything. “No, I mean-I’m sorry Loki.”

He scoffed. “You know me better than any other human on this whole planet. Try again.”

“It’s not right for me to be with someone like you.” There it was, the true visage of what you prevented from accepting. Accepting the fact of a man like Loki of Asgard to become entangled with the mess which was you. The mess of a human.

“Hmmm. You are ashamed? Because of what I’ve done?”

You immediately looked up to meet his deep eyes. “No! That’s not it!”

“(Y/N).” He placed a silky pale hand on your own twiddling fingers; immediately he felt how fast your heart was racing, how much you were shivering, how hard this must have been for you to speak of. “Please.”

“I’m moreso...scared I can’t fulfill your expectations.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, notably confused at what you were referring to. “Expectations? (Y/N), you’ve lost me. Have I asked anything from you? I realize I may be a bit demanding at times-”

“I mean,” you cut in. “Just look at you. You’re ethereal.”

Ethereal. Never in the thousand years Loki has existed within this realm, did he hear someone or something refer to him in such a way. It was unexpected and something he never pictured himself to be seen as. The sentiment behind it was sickeningly genuine, sweet and raw as well. He saw how your pupils became enlarged as your looked upon his face, like a deer caught in headlights. He knew you had a fancy for him, but to this extent, he was still foolish in accepting this.

An smile crept up between Loki’s lips.

“You’re this otherworldly being whose gifted with these unbelievable skills and immortality. You’re a literal piece of ancient mythology. And I’m just...me.”

“Why do you refer to yourself like that? Just “me”? Are you this unsure of yourself (Y/N)?” He had no need for you to be this foolish of yourself, of him, or of whatever you would call this connection you had developed with him.

You gave him the most unassured smile possible, much unlike what he was used to seeing on you. Loki was absolutely flabbergasted.

You sighed, the smile vanishing immediately. “Sorry. I know I get these stupid things in my head. I guess I’m still in awe at how close we’ve gotten and well...how lucky I feel.”

“This has nothing to do with luck (Y/N). I fancy you, very much so, simply because you are you.”

He placed his hand behind your head, pulling you close to where your lips met his in a soft but deep kiss. You felt your heart heat up, inching in slightly closer into his mouth, wrapping your arms justly around his neck. He pulled back, looking at you with such intent.

“You intrigue me (Y/N). You truly do. But I need you to be a little more confident and honest in regards to me. When that time comes, I’ll demonstrate to you that I have valued this time with you.”

You leaned in once again and felt cold, full lips against yours. It was only for brief moment when you pulled back to look at the man in front of you once more. Your eyes glistened as Loki gave you a soft smile.

“You are a meek one. You don’t need to worry about nonsense like this.”

You cleared your throat, to hide the fact that you felt your blood rush to your face. “You know, you need to be more honest with me too.”

“Hmm? What do you mean?” He asked you.

“You know very well what I mean Loki. You leave me a cliffhanger way too many times.” Your voice was more marked and clear.

He remained quiet for a moment, then crossed his arms in contemplation. It was true, there were still many things you did not know about Loki. There was probably a lot of things Loki did not know about you. The connection was still young, and there was still plenty of room to explore each other. But Loki knew this was still something forbidden, for your sake.

“There are things I’d still like to keep to myself. Things you don’t need to know. However,” he paused. “...those things shouldn’t cross between us.”

You hummed. You knew this was probably as close as it would get to being this severely close to Loki. And yes, the curiosity burned you intently. However, you too also knew discovering too much this early on would be too much. “ Fair enough. Thank you, Loki. For, uh, getting me out of this funk.”

He nodded, gifting you his signature smirk.

“Let it not happen again, it’s rather annoying having to tell you the same things over and over again. The next time you wish to doubt me, or my intentions with you, I will make sure to deprive you of these lips.”

Your mouth fell agape, and you gave a single chortle. Was he really bribing you with denying you of kisses?

“Are you serious?”

His mischievous nature began to manifest itself again. He winked at you, a devilish grin present. “Of course. After all, I am quite ethereal, don’t you think so?”

You pushed him off, grumbling and muttering nonsense along the lines of “stupid” and “jerk”, huffing and stomping to your room efficiently.

Loki giggled at your undoubted reaction, knowing quite well he would not let this go for a very, very long time.

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki of asgard #loki odinson #loki drabble #loki headcanon

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whathappenedtoyourgender · 5 years

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Hi! Do you have any tips on figuring out your gender? I don’t really feel like a girl or a boy I just kinda wanna exist as a human and not really conform to either? Idk if that made any sense but thank you!

Hot tips for advanced gender:

1. Don’t worry, it’s fake and made up. If you don’t feel like your assigned gender, or a binary gender, that’s just because they are very ill-defined societal roles that are rapidly losing relevance in the modern world. It is no longer necessary for society to sort us into a strict man-woman system, but since it’s been the norm for most of us for so long, it’s really hard to think outside of it. Even being nonbinary myself, I still look at people and pretty well the first thing my brain does is sort them into one of two categories. It’s something we all have to work on.

2. Don’t be afraid of changing your mind. Getting set into one identity can make you feel a part of a community, but it can also make you feel stuck. IDing as one specific gender identity isn’t bad, but it’s also okay to change your mind, or go with broader terms while you’re still getting to know yourself. There’s nothing wrong with trying an identity to see if it works for you and then changing your mind. For example, I may not always identify as nonbinary or agender, and that’s okay! It’s a tricky thing, figuring out what you are in a world that says you have to be one thing, and the road may not even have an end.

3. Focus less on your gender and more on other aspects of your personality. If you decide that a gender is not part of who you are, you need to know what is. Identifying as something you aren’t leaves you with a bit of a void, and it’s important to anchor yourself to other kinds of communities and interests. Again, as a personal example, I don’t meet up with women for the purposes of discussing women things, because I’m not a woman and I don’t want to. If I didn’t replace that kind of sorority with something, I’d be pretty lonely. So instead I do drama, and crafts, and dnd and things like that.

4. Find IRL people to discuss the matter with. Tumblr can be a pretty intense, negative space sometimes. It’s good to find people in your community, at school, etc., where you can meet other nonbinary folks in person. Universities are generally really good for that, but I have no idea what age you are, anon, so I’m sorry if that one doesn’t work for you.

5. Restaurants are like, the number one place where you’ll get gendered for some reason, so if you can avoid them, do it.

6. Don’t be afraid to dress in a gendered way if it makes you happy. Sometimes I avoid looks for being too feminine, but it’s you who makes the outfit. The outfit does not make you.

7. Go on walks? This is kind of a weird one, but the time I spend just walking around outside under trees, listening to music, is a very good time for me to just connect with myself. I feel apart from expectations of what I’m supposed to be as a girl, and I can just have fun moving. Being in nature is especially nice. It gives me that feeling like it doesn’t matter what people think I am, because it genuinely doesn’t. Your connection to yourself matters far more than how others perceive you. We’re all a part of something bigger than ourselves.

9. Keep track of your thoughts, it will help if you want or need to explain your feelings more in-depth. Relationship to gender is complicated for a lot of us, but if you’re trying to explain that to a cis person, God help you. For people who do connect with their gender, the idea of not having one at all makes no sense. You don’t owe them an explanation, but if you want to, just know that it’s very difficult and annoying, and try to prepare for it.

10. Most importantly, stay sensible and safe. If you do decide that no gender or a nonbinary gender is for you, know that people around you in general will not see it automatically. Be rational if you are going to correct someone, and don’t feel ashamed of keeping it to yourself for any reason. Your safety is important. If you are uncomfortable disclosing your gender, then don’t. You don’t have to. You’re not letting anyone down, you’re staying safe, and that is vital. I tend to be pretty blasé about my identity, but I know how much it matters to others. Being misgendered sucks. Being cooped up into a set of gender roles sucks. Feeling like you’re in danger if you speak up SUCKS. But find those safe spaces, make friends, and you’ll find the respect and community you deserve.

As long as you are questioning, know that you belong. Even if you decide that a binary gender is for you, that you aren’t trans or LGBT+ at all, you will learn more about yourself, and that’s a wonderful thing. I wish you the very best of experiences in this journey.

All the best,Lin.

#agender #nonbinary #gender advice

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differential-form · 4 years

Text

It's time to end the myth of emotional self-sufficiency

There’s something much more dangerous out there than the next big flu. It’s a virus, and it will shorten your life. But it’s not a tiny microbe; it’s a meme. It’s the prevailing myth of emotional self-sufficiency. You know this myth—it proclaims that people who need people are pathological, that a deep longing for relationship is sick, and that caring for and about others is co-dependent. It says you should be able to meet all your own needs, and that if you loved yourself enough you wouldn’t need anyone else—so if you’re wanting love, there’s something deficient about you. It’s the myth that shames you for feeling lonely. It’s the myth that has people in my therapy office whispering, “I really want a partner. But I know that’s wrong.” I am so tired of battling this myth alone. I need you with me on this. And here’s why. Humans did not evolve to live alone. It’s not our natural state. We evolved in closely knit bands of about 30 to 40 people. Out there on the plains, or in the forest, or wherever we were, we depended on each other. We hunted and gathered in groups, we sat together around communal fires, we shared food and stories, we slept snuggled up against the cold. It was safer to be part of the pack. You couldn’t survive long alone. Some of the unpleasantness of loneliness is that millions of years of evolution triggers a trace of ancient fear when we’re alone— the outliers are the ones that get picked off by leopards and lions. So, I need you. And you need me. We need each other. It’s in our DNA. We are relational beings We were born to be relational. Day-old deer can run and jump, but humans are helpless when we’re born. For the first months of our lives, we rely so totally on our mothers that attachment researchers say it makes no sense to talk about two separate people. The baby is entirely regulated by the mother. Good attunement by mother to baby builds trust and love. Enough trust and love creates what’s called secure attachment—the inner confidence that you are loved and will be responded to. Secure attachment creates confidence in exploring the world. Securely attached toddlers run off to explore, and then look back at mother, checking that she’s still there. Sometimes they run back, for ‘emotional refueling’ in the form of a loving glance or a kind word. Then they run off again, feeling safe and happy in the world. The myth is that somewhere along the line we grow out of this. But in fact we continue to be regulated by each other. Holding the hand of the one you love calms your heart rate and reduces your cortisol. Research shows that men live longer if they’re married, and women live longer if they have a network of close friends. Think about that—our need for relationship is literally a life and death issue. Our need for touch is another. Loving, caring physical touch causes us to secrete oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone—it makes us feel calm, safe, and happy. Just 40 seconds of being hugged by someone you like causes oxytocin release. But you can’t hug yourself, at least, not very successfully. You need to get it from someone else. Try it. Hug someone and count—you’ll feel the relaxation response switch in. That feeling of closeness with someone else will literally lengthen your life if you get enough of it. Far from being self-sufficient, we physically need each other. It’s a mammal thing In his book, ‘Outliers’, Malcolm Gladwell describes the town of Roseto, in Pennsylvania, which was settled by immigrants from Italy, and which has an extremely low rate of heart disease. It’s not because of diet, and it’s not because of exercise, or genes, or any of the other obvious potential causes. It turns out that the people of Roseto are abnormally healthy because they live together in extended families, and spend a lot of time socializing with each other and visiting with their neighbors. It’s the human contact that makes the difference. Human contact is literally essential for the health of your heart. Is that surprising? Only if you’re infected by a meme that tells you to deny your fundamental nature as a mammal. Ethologists are producing more and more data now that shows that all mammals are programmed for altruism and love. Our previous view of the world as a jungle full of selfish creatures fighting for survival is giving way to one of the world as a tightly knit tapestry of reciprocal relationships. In the early part of the twentieth century we were told that since aggressive chimps dominated by alpha males and their chest-beating ways were our closest relatives, their behavior proved that humans too were wired for aggression and domination. Then, as society shifted, and we became capable of seeing something other than aggression and domination ourselves, we ‘found’ the bonobos—pygmy chimps who live peacefully in matrilineal groups, happily spending their time sharing food and sex. So now we know that at least some of our closest relatives exist in polyamorous, sensual bliss! Lately even rats have been found to be capable of altruism. An experiment showed that a free rat will take the time to free a trapped one, and even save that other rat some of its food. I’d bet if those scientists went one stage further, they’d find that both the freed rat and the one that tripped the latch feel pretty damn good about it. It’s ridiculous to think we don’t need each other. In fact, the opposite is true—the more you give and take love, care, attention and contact with others, the happier and healthier you will be. So humans are naturally relational why has this meme taken such a hold? How did a meme based on avoidance become such a fervently held belief? This meme is all about fear We become avoidant because of fear. Sometimes people have been mean to us in the past and we carry the scars of that trauma—which makes us turn away from love because it has become twinned with the fear of betrayal. The far end of that avoidance response is the supreme isolation of schizoid personality disorder, or the lonely fearfulness of avoidant personality disorder. The near end is believing in the desirability of ‘meeting all of one’s own needs’. All of us have been betrayed at some point. So all of us harbor a little fear connected to the vulnerability of opening ourselves to love, and therefore this meme is seductive. But there’s another reason why it has taken hold, even though it’s one that goes against what makes us most healthy and happy. Primates live in bands, and those bands have hierarchies. The alphas get the girls (or the guy) and the best food. The betas are less highly ranked, but still ‘in’. Further down the scale the pickings are thinner, and you may not get to breed. Further down than that and you’re on the edge, glancing behind you for leopards while you scavenge for what you can get. The fear of being out on the edge leaves you dangerously open to infection by a toxic meme that’s gone viral, like the one I’m talking about. Here’s why. There are two ways to get to the top, depending on what type of society you live in. One is to be more aggressive than everyone else—that used to work, and still does in societies run by war lords (or chimps), for example. The other way is by affiliation—being appealing and friendly, and getting everyone to like you. In the modern Western dating world, affiliation is essential in bagging you a coveted position in the pack. And you don’t succeed in that venture by standing up against a major myth —particularly one about relationships—and saying, “nope, I don’t agree”. That would mark you as weird, wrong, dangerous to be associated with. Unless a significant proportion of your group is secretly thinking the same thing. And I think you are. Because at the deep level of feeling, you know this meme is wrong. Don’t isolate, inoculate. The solution is not to open less to other people. The solution is to open more. The idea that we can—and should—provide for ourselves in every area of our lives, is one that has been sold to us. It’s part of the ideology of the consumer society. We are increasingly reduced--reduced, not empowered—to buying as services the things that used to unfold from natural human relationships: home health care, baby-sitting, massage therapy, spiritual counseling, sexual fulfillment, entertainment, and so on. All these things used to be available to us for free, because we lived with and among other people. Community gatherings met layered sets of needs, in a rich texture of transactions. Markets, barn raisings, harvest times, village dances, and weekly church services, for example, provided opportunities for sharing information, trading, making friends, getting help, courtship, and entertainment. Now we’ve lost that collectivity, and most transactions have become one-dimensional. Even cafes and bars are no longer meeting places—they’re full of isolated individuals staring down at screens, updating their status on Facebook. But god forbid anyone talk to their neighbor—it’s become a weird thing to do, an impingement, something that creates unease. Fight the meme, my friends. We don’t need more self-reliance. Or more narcissistic focusing on ourselves. What we’re blocked in is our relationality: our readiness to receive and our willingness to give. We’ve become so infected with the values of the consumer society that we think we should only give if we’re going to get, and that we should try to get the most return for the least investment. God forbid we love someone more than they love us. Or give our love for free. We think we should provide for ourselves, because otherwise we’d be relying on someone else. And that means taking a risk without any guarantee. We’d rather hoard our own resources, and be all right, Jack. This is the attitude to life that has people in my office feeling both lonely as hell, and ashamed of it—they’ve been told it’s wrong to need people, and they’re scared that their normal attachment instincts are sick. Instead of going inward and trying to meet your own needs, go outward and build yourself a robust network of relationships, a community of like-minded souls that you can laugh with, cry with, listen to, care for and love—the type of network that makes people in Roseto live longer. Then when the inevitable betrayals, bereavements and disappointments happen, you won’t be alone. You’ll have support. Because the truth is, no-one makes it alone. And no-one—unless they’re the sole survivor of a plane crash in a jungle—should even try. Innoculate yourself from the virus by smiling at people, saying hello, getting involved, keeping in contact, leaning into differences, sticking with a friend who’s in hard times, offering to help, forgiving your lover, sending a card, giving a hug, picking up the crying kid, calling your mother. People need people. You’re perfectly normal. Rachel Vaughan MA, MFT

#Humans #Society #Myths #Codependency #Self-sufficiency #Health #Relationships #Love #Mammals #Science #Interdependency #Dependency #World

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galahadwilder · 5 years

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Inconceivable, Ch. 2: Mandarin

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When he and Emelie discovered Adrien’s Mandarin lullabies were from his soulmate connection, they insisted on enrolling him in Mandarin classes. If his soulmate was Chinese, they were going to make damn sure he could communicate with them in their mother tongue.

Gabriel isn't sure whether to feel angry or embarrassed when he discovers that the Dupain-Cheng girl doesn’t speak Mandarin at all. He doubts his assessment, briefly—could he have been wrong? Could he have misread the signs?

Impossible. Everything else is too perfect. It has to be her.

Her talent at designing is evident; she won the hat contest easily, and on her own merits, while simultaneously standing up to Bourgeois (which is excellent: Gabriel is full aware that Adrien is what some would describe as "a pushover," and the fact that his soulmate is willing to stand up for herself—and, by extension, him—is an incredible relief). However, he knows little else about her. For some reason, she's never been present at any of his Akuma attacks, so he hasn't gotten the opportunity to watch her. She's an enigma.

When he Akumatizes Adrien's fencing instructor—an arrogant ass, no wonder he failed to win the mayorship—it doesn't take him long to realize that he's accidentally trapped Adrien's class inside City Hall, and the girl with them. He's delighted to realize that she's there: this is his first opportunity to actually get a good look at her. And she doesn't disappoint. The girl is a firecracker, quickly rallying her class and getting them all to safety. She's clever, responsible, calm under fire, and appears to be completely without fear; Gabriel finds he more than approves, and honestly catches himself considering her a worthy heir. It's no surprise when Adrien comes home that day and mentions that she won the class president election.

But she doesn't speak Mandarin.

It's driving him insane. Worse than consistently losing to two children who barely know how to use their powers; worse than being so powerless to save his wife. She has to be the one, he needs her to be the one, she's too perfect for Adrien to be anything else, but the one thing that led him to discover his son's nature is simply not lining up.

He decides he needs to find out for himself, and two days later he enters the Dupain-Cheng Boulangerie & Patisserie in the mid-morning, while both children are in school.

"Good morning!" says the small asian woman behind the counter. "Welcome to Dupain-Cheng!"

Gabriel can see the woman's resemblance to his son's soulmate, so clearly, she's family. "Hello," he says. "Are you the mother of Marinette Dupain-Cheng?"

She looks at him suspiciously. "Is she in some sort of trouble?" He can feel her emotions through the Butterfly brooch, and he realizes that she knows who he is; a wave of protectiveness flows out from her, and he has no doubt that this woman could flatten him if he were to threaten her daughter, Miraculous or no.

Gabriel frowns. "No, nothing like that," he says. "Actually, I was hoping for her help with something."

Cheng raises an eyebrow and smiles, her suspicion replaced by pride. "What can we do for you, Monsieur Agreste?"

Her emotions are strong, reminding Gabriel why he hasn't gone out much since he started wearing the brooch full-time; it's all he can do to avoid being washed away. "Well," he says, trying not to cough from the pressure her pride is putting on his lungs, "my son has been taking Mandarin lessons for some time now, and I thought it might help him to start spending time with someone who speaks it more... fluently." He tilts his head, his expression impassive. "I thought you might have taught Marinette?"

Cheng leans onto the counter and frowns. "Unfortunately, no," she says. Her disappointment feels disproportionate—surely she can't have wanted to help him that much. "She and I mostly speak Yueh around the house, so she never learned Mandarin very well." She shrugs. "She can sing a few lullabies, but that's about it."

Gabriel's heart smacks against his ribs, almost as if to inform him that hey, something important was just said! but it's not like he didn't notice it himself. Even Nooroo gasps a little from the pocket of his blazer, and Gabriel thinks, Exellent. "Hmm..." he says. "Perhaps she would be interested in a tutor?"

Cheng narrows her eyes, confused, and then suddenly a wave of mischievous understanding flows outward from her. "Monsieur Agreste," she says, "are you trying to set up your son with my daughter?"

Gabriel is so surprised at the accuracy of her accusation, and the suddenness of it, that he can't do anything but blink.

She grins, and he can feel the gears turning in her mind. No wonder her daughter is so clever, if this is where she came from. "My brother is coming in from China next weekend," Cheng says, "and I'm won't have the day free. If I tell him to pretend he doesn't speak French, she'll think she needs a translator."

Gabriel is too swept up in her enthusiasm that he finds himself unable to object. "Won't she try to speak to him in... whatever that other language you mentioned was?"

Cheng's smile goes crooked, rogueish. "She's fourteen, and she hasn't been to China since she was a baby," she says. "If I don't tell her he speaks Yueh, she'll assume he doesn't."

Gabriel swallows. This has gotten very much out of hand.

"You know, she's rather infatuated with your boy," Cheng says. "I take it he feels the same way?"

More excellent news. Gabriel is ashamed that he has to respond with a shake of his head. "Not yet," he says, "but if I know him at all, he will soon." He doesn't mention the things he knows; he doesn't mention soulmates. Better to let these things happen naturally than have her assume that he's crazy. He holds up his phone, looking through Adrien's shoot schedule. "Next weekend, you said?"

She nods.

"I'll have my assistant clear his schedule ahead of time," he says. He looks back up, meets her eyes. Feels a little bit of his old self come back, the him from before Emelie's illness, and for the first time in over a year he decides to make a joke in the presence of another human being.

"I look forward to doing business with you," he says with a smile.

Her smile in response, and his connection to Nooroo, let him know that she knows exactly what he meant.

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This fic is also available on my AO3!

#inconceivable #miraculous ladybug #adrienette #adrinette #soulmates #soulmate au #adrienette soulmates #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #sabine cheng #fic #my fic #original content #fanfic #fanfiction

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the100epic · 5 years

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Mackson meta

I love the relationship between Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller on The 100 and am in the mood to do a bit of meta, just to answer the questions ‘Who are they and what makes them work as a couple?’ Given their limited screen time, it was fun to mine what I could from limited material. First, a disclaimer - I’m only on episode 5 x 8.

Looking at Jackson first, and starting with a few obvious things. He’s an adult when we first meet him, and he already has a good sense of purpose. He’s a born healer. He’s quiet. He is very serious, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders –given his limited time in front of the camera, we don’t know how often (or if) he lets his guard down and laughs. He probably puts the needs of others before his own – think of 5 x 2 when Abby tells him she’s happy for him (because he has Miller), and he immediately turns it around to ask how she is and express concern for her. He lost his mother, possibly when he was young, and it’s obvious that Abby has been his mother-figure for a long time. (Check the tears in his eyes in 1 x 1 when Kane is trying to float Abby). He decides to take the chip in Season 3, probably feeling desperate for a route towards ending the suffering of other people, something he always tries to do but can never succeed at.

We don’t know if he’s ever been in another relationship before Miller. Maybe he has; he’s got to be at least 23 years old before the time jump and there had to have been some interested parties on the Ark. Or maybe he hasn’t; he’s clearly been working constantly ever since he’s been able to, so maybe he would have felt guilty for pursuing romance. However, I lean towards thinking that he has been in a relationship before. He is the one who makes the first move on Miller in Season 4, suggesting that he has some experience and confidence in this arena.

We have more material on Miller (though still not enough). He is younger when the show starts, and I feel his personality was not yet fully developed or defined back then. Partially because of limited screen time, and partially because he is under 18 when the show starts and he just has some natural growing up to do. What we do see is that he has a sense of humor (such as during the ghost stories conversation with Bryan and Harper), and he appears loyal to Bellamy. Part of that loyalty is undoubtedly due to the fact that he is trying to do what all of The 100 is trying to do - whatever it takes to survive. Miller does a good job of getting in with Bellamy’s group and being seen as a good foot soldier/ good lieutenant to Bellamy. This theme replays itself throughout the series; he is always a good solider, and in Season 5 it is the other Blake for whom he is a good lieutenant.

We know three things about Miller’s time on the Ark.

1. He has a father who loves him

2. He has a boyfriend named Bryan

3. He was arrested for stealing

My head-canon is that his theft had to do with stealing a gift or something for Bryan, but there’s nothing in canon to back that up. We do know from season 2 that Miller is ashamed of what he had done, ashamed for having let his father down. We don’t know how long he was incarcerated before being sent down to earth, but you can be sure that he’s had plenty of time to think about the ramifications of his actions.

We can also infer that he was training to be in the guard, like his father, back on the Ark. Miller’s too good of a solider by the time he gets to the ground for him to not have had some training.

Before we can get to Mackson as a couple, I need to take a glimpse at “Briller” – Miller and his ex Bryan. They’re reunited in Season 3, and it must have been hard for them; at one point they surely must’ve thought they’d never see each other again. On top of that, there are serious, major life experiences that they do not share (Season one’s war with the Grounders, Miller’s experiences as a captive in Mount Weather just for starters). As far as we can tell, the two young men do try to make it work, which indicates to me that Miller likes being in a relationship, likes having someone to love. When Bryan is up on the Ark, Miller never cheats on him despite knowing that he might never see him again. Unlike with Finn, perhaps the opportunity never presented itself but this still suggests that one of Miller’s qualities is loyalty.

My favorite conversation of Briller’s occurs at the end of Season 3 when they spend a minute dreaming of their future, thinking of how they’d love to have a farm and chickens. It gives a great glimpse into Miller’s head. He probably is a solider because he has to be, but he dreams of peace. During those years in the bunker, his dream of living on a farm must’ve felt even more remote than ever, though at least he had a man he loves to dream alongside.

We never get the full story on why it didn’t work out with Bryan. Was it due mainly to their disagreement on how to handle the Azgeda slaves or was that just one factor among others? (That debate – freeing the slaves versus getting the equipment they need to survive - does deserve some more analysis which I won’t get into here). We can only speculate as to whether that was the main reason for the breakup, or if other reasons presented themselves. Given what we do see with Mackson though, I wonder if Bryan and Miller were just too similar.

Because I see some good yin and yang with Mackson. Miller’s words in 5 x 2 to Jackson give us a great clue: “You’re a healer, not a fighter. That’s why I love you.” So we can add up the ways Jackson and Miller’s differences complement each other:

1. The fighter and the healer

2. Miller’s sense of humor contrasted with Jackson’s seriousness (Miller gets a rare smile out of Jackson in 4 X 9 during their scene in the rover)

3. Miller’s impulsiveness contrasted with Jackson’s clinical detachment

4. Possibly their age gap as well, with Jackson’s maturity being a plus for Miller. Remember that Miller’s father dies at the end of Season 4, right at the time that Mackson is taking off. I doubt Miller views Jackson as a father-figure in any way, but I do think Jackson’s maturity and ability to deal with other people’s pain provided a lot of balm for Miller. This experience had to have helped bond them.

But for a relationship to work, the partners can’t be too different. There have to be similarities too. Here are some Mackson ones:

1. They grew up with love. Miller’s dad and Jackson’s mom (whom we know less about, but we can infer a lot given the impact she made on his life) showed them love.

2. This trait is usually viewed as a negative, but the truth is that both Miller and Jackson are followers, not leaders. Miller follows whoever is their military leader (Bellamy, Octavia, etc) and Jackson follows Abby. Being a follower carries stigma, but the flip side of that coin is that both are very loyal. And maybe it means they are smart survivors, knowing that if you want to stay alive, it can’t hurt to hitch your wagon to an alpha.

3. Both are driven. Miller knows he made a mistake on the Ark, and he worked his butt off to survive on the ground and prove himself a valuable solider. And there’s no need to reiterate how driven and self-motivated Jackson must be in order to devote his life to healing.

4. Every single character on The 100 has made morally questionable choices, and I need to point out that Mackson are no different. Even Jackson was willing to experiment on “Baylis” in Season 4, and was about to do so to Emori. You can see the agony in his eyes, but we do not get any lines of dialog to indicate that he spoke out or offered himself in their places (which Abby would never have accepted). They both have to live with their demons and their regrets like every other character on the show.

Here’s something I wish I knew more about: When Mackson first gets together, they were facing – as Miller quips – “fiery death in five days”. Their relationship could’ve easily been a fling and nothing more – just one last sexual encounter before the world ends, perhaps? I wonder when it became more, or whether it was always intended to be more than a fling. The next time we see them together, the five days have passed, Praimfaya is upon us, and they are clearly a couple (as we see in 4 x 12 – there are SO many looks and touches, including an unexplained, secret hand gesture, the type of move done by intimate couples). Did they have in-depth conversations to discuss what might happen if they both somehow survived Praimfaya? I can definitely see Jackson being the type who would want to think about and discuss this. Or did they realize that there was a good chance that one or both of them wouldn’t make it, and thus tacitly decide that the topic was just too painful to discuss? Maybe they just took the approach of living for the moment and hoping for the best? (And next, of course, would come the moment that they woke up from the gas and had to face the fact that Miller’s dad wasn’t chosen, and they would have to process that).

Also I wish I knew more about what prompted Jackson to make the first move. I suspect some fans view him as passive, given his interactions with Abby, his quiet demeanor. So I will always love the fact that he made the first move. Was it motivated solely by Praimfaya? Did Abby at some point tell Jackson that Miller was single now and that he should approach Miller? Was it something that Jackson had quietly wanted to do for a while? (Maybe he noticed Miller even back when Bryan was still a thing). Had Miller been giving him a few signals to let him know that he was open to something? Was Jackson lonely and just wanting to reach a deeper connection (whether it be sex or a relationship) with another human being, especially given what they were facing in Season 4? Or some combination of the above?

No way of knowing this glimpse of their past, but I look forward to their future.

#the 100 #mackson #eric jackson #nathan miller #the 100 meta

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diveronarpg · 4 years

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Congratulations, CHARLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of GONERIL. Admin Jen: You have no idea how happy we are that you’ll be bringing us Verona’s favorite firebrand, Charlie! Like you pointed out, it’s easy to write Grace off as just that -- a whirlwind of chaos and spite with nothing more to her other than that, but you’ve definitely succeeded in bringing her out of the shadow of that impression and exploring everything else that makes her shine. There is so much more to her than meets the eye, and your diligence and care when it comes to portraying that left us completely thrilled to have her flourish in your hands. We’re so glad to have you back, and we can’t wait to see what more you have in store for Grace! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Charlie

Age | 22

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | 5-6/10. I’m a law student and working 20 hours per week. So it’s safe to say that my rl can be pretty stressful. In addition, I like to take my time with my replies so that I can actually be satisfied with how they turned out. I’ve found in the past that it’s the easiest and most efficient for me to do replies as inspiration strikes and queue them to post every 2-3 days which I plan to do as well. However, I’m available every day almost all day long on Tumblr and Discord to chat and plot.

Timezone | CET

How did you find the rp? | Originally, through Jen, but this time because I’ve been a part of the group before.

Current/Past RP Accounts | may I introduce you to https://ofbellos.tumblr.com/ and https://ofdupont.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Grace Daly aka Goneril.

What drew you to this character? | Goneril is a character I’ve been intrigued by ever since I first stumbled across the rp. Back then, she was still a taken character so I’ve never really bothered thinking about whether I’d apply for her or not and when she was reopened, I had my fair share of characters that were keeping me busy.

Somehow this fascination I have with her has never fully gone away, though. There’s something about her, her passion, her fierceness, how unwilling she is to be anybody but herself (and to hell with everybody who has a problem with that, quite literally, you'll probably end up dead if you insult her) that just really intrigues me. I feel like it’s easy to assume that Grace is downright crazy or doesn’t think at all about the consequences her actions might have, that she might not even have the mental capability of doing so. But while she’s definitely lead by her emotions and doesn’t fully know how to control her temper (and mostly doesn’t even want to), she doesn’t act without thinking about the consequences beforehand, very often, she acts a certain way despite having thought about it before. The ‘problem’ is that, in most cases, she simply doesn’t give a damn. She lives to provoke, to toy with the line of right and wrong and to run right through the wall that exists on that line for most people simply because she enjoys it. A part of her is eager to see just how far she can go simply because the search excites her. It’s most of the time not really about the other person (except for the times somebody managed to piss her off, which, admittedly, is not the hardest thing to do) but mostly about herself and what she wants to do. Everything else is secondary. And quite frankly, there’s nothing that she hates more than being bored. She lives for the thrill, be it the thrill caused by a good old bar fight, killing somebody with your bare hands, a steaming hot fuck or a simple argument. And the power of winning the things listed before. In some way, everything’s a fight for her and the big thrill of life is in that fight and winning it. After all, Grace Daly is nothing if not a winner. Losing isn’t an option. However, despite what you might think at the first (or even second) glance, she’s not just all fun and games. There’s this blazing hot desire burning inside her to conquer and rule her own kingdom. I’m gonna stop right here because I’m gonna be exploring this aspect further in the future plot section. However, I definitely see these various facets Grace has to offer that are so unique to her in my eyes and I really want to explore those in greater detail. Grace is bold, loud, unapologetic, reckless and untamable all wrapped up in one fiery ball of chaos and she’s definitely a force to be reckoned with, not just despite but because of how unpredictable she is. It might have not gotten her where she wants to go so far, but that certainly doesn’t mean that there isn’t a certain kind of power in it.

She’s so unlike any other character I’ve ever truly played before and that’s one of the many reasons why I actually thought long and hard about whether to apply for her or not. She’ll be quite the challenge for me, I’m not ashamed to admit that, but part of the reason why I’m still so into rping after all these years is the desire to challenge myself and hopefully become a better writer in the end. Grace Daly will without a hint of a doubt be a challenge for me, but I’m so ready for that. Also, her uniqueness compared to other characters I’ve played - even characters I’ve already written here in DV - makes it possible for me to explore other plots, connections, and interactions I haven’t gotten to explore before which really excited me as well.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

I’ve added some future plot points that are more ideas than already thought out plots which I’ve called ‘ideas’ instead of ‘plots’. For a better understanding and cohesiveness, I’ve mixed them together so that they fit contentwise, I hope it isn’t too confusing. If it is, I want to apologize in advance.

PLOT 01

The Daly Sisters own a huge space of my heart when it comes to this rp. There dynamic is so unlike any other in the rp and, quite frankly, I cannot wait to sink my claws into that. I’d really love a family face-off, especially between Regina and Grace. After all, one of the reasons why Grace joined the Montagues in the first place - even if she’d never admit it out loud - is the fact that little, boring Regina got promoted to Captain by Cosimo after spending only a blink of an eye with the Capulets. She never earned her name the way Grace did, she did nothing to deserve it. And you can be dead sure that once word got out that Regina has been promoted to the position of a hitman - and sooner or later Grace would have found out, nothing stays secret in Verona forever -, she’d have been fuming. It’s just another promotion she doesn’t deserve. And here Grace is working her ass off - Grace Daly style, obviously - and has nothing to see for it. Actually, fuming would be a nice word. So yeah, I feel like a sisterly confrontation is overdue in Grace’s eyes. If you can’t ignore an annoying bug, you have to squash it to finally get rid of it. And Regina Daly is a bug Grace has been dying to step on for quite some while now. She tried to ignore her when she was younger, forget all about her existence in the first place, but apparently, that’s not an option anymore. So yes, I can totally see a sisterly face-off happen in the near future because sneaky scheming and planning to get rid of somebody isn’t really Grace’s style. She tends to rely on sheer brutality and cruelty and wouldn’t it be quite poetic to have one last fight to finally set an end to this argument (idk if you can even call it that cause I’m pretty sure Regina doesn’t give a damn about Grace)? Grace at least would love the poetry of it.

IDEA 01

This idea is related to the first plot in some way. It’s pretty established in her bio that Grace has never been willing to give her two younger sisters the time of day and would like to forget that she’s ever shared a home, not to mention blood ties with them. However, I want to explore just how deep this disinterest goes. I know for a fact that she wouldn’t shy away from killing Regina in cold blood. However, what about Catherine? Is there some small inkling in the dark hole that is her heart that does care for her? I’m not sure, but I want to find out. At the same time, I also want to explore if there’s actually a person (apart from herself) that she cares for or rather cares enough about enough to sacrifice? I don’t know if there’s a positive answer to that question, even though Grace is only human, after all, and it’s in the human nature to want to be connected to other people, but I just want to explore this question further.

IDEA 02

If I cannot bend Heaven, I’ll raise Hell. Even though you wouldn’t necessarily suspect it, Grace is ambitious as they come. Blame it on her parents for always treasuring her like grace from God, telling her she can everything she sets her dark eyes on, but she’s always known that she’ll be a queen an empress one day. And she won’t stop at anything to get her way. So far, she’s had very little success, though. After all, despite having been involved with the mob for years now, she’s still nothing more than a soldier, a little pawn in the game of others. While I’m not sure if she’d make a good ruler (in fact, I know the opposite is the case), she’s definitely a conqueror. Or has the potential to be once she figures out how to make the best use of the anger, passion, and fire that runs through her veins. She’s smart enough to figure it out. After all, as it’s already said in her bio “Every move she made was calculated, every strike meticulously aimed”. She definitely has the mental capacities for it. I think her biggest problem is that she needs to learn how to control her emotions and not have them influence her moves and the goal of her plans as they do now. However, learning is hard (read: almost impossible) when you’re as self-conceited as Grace is. I want to explore that struggle further, this dissonance of ambition & desire and her temper & boisterousness.

PLOT 02 a

This plot is related to the second idea.

If you can’t learn how to balance out your own strengths, you either need to accept that you might never reach your goal or team up with somebody who can provide what you’re lacking. The first one is clearly no option and the second one is not exactly the first thing that comes to your mind considering we’re talking about Grace either. After all, Grace isn’t really much of a team player either for she’s too selfish for that, not to mention too unpredictable, unreliable and many other things. However, I want her to seak out a partnership nonetheless. This is not to say that she’ll suddenly turn into a team-player or people person all of a sudden - hell no. No, it’d be a play really. It’d mostly be an idea born out of an alcoholic haze, nothing that serious at first. It’d be with somebody, who’s about just as desperate as she is to get to the top, and a partnership that is already doomed for a start because she plans to get rid of them as soon as the situation improves for her. She sure as hell doesn’t plan for one second to share the spotlight, they’ll just be a tool in some way. Not because she’d be manipulating them into thinking that she sees it as a real partnership, she’s no schemer, after all. No, they’d get into this with both eyes open and be ambitious enough to do it nonetheless, probably even thinking to cut her loose the first chance they get as well.

PLOT 02 b

As it’s kind of a second part of the second plot, I wanted to split those up.

I could totally see the previously mentioned partnership turn into something of a cat and mouse kinda game. It’d actually be quite intriguing to see somebody to challenge her directly and on a personal level for a change because while the whole thing would still be somewhat mob-related, it’d be more focused on the power they’ve gathered together and that both of them wants the biggest piece of. Or rather the only piece without having to share it with the other person. It’d need to be somebody who’d be her equal, who could handle themselves around her, but then again, if they couldn’t, this partnership would have never seen the light of day in the first place. I want Grace to face a challenge/challenger she can’t get rid of that easily. I want her having to face them again and again, simply because they’re both too stubborn to die and to give up what they’ve earned.

PLOT 03

This plot goes a little hand in hand with the previous plot, but I felt it still deserved a plot point on it’s own as it’s related to her connection with Ivan Rahal in particular.

Whereas Grace is chaos come to live and craves power above all, Ivan is a master chess player who craves chaos and destruction above all. It’s an unlike combination and yet one, that causes fear and terror among Verona’s citizens unlike any other for their united in their darkness and their thirst for blood. I feel like there’s so much Grace could learn from him and his talent for strategy. She wouldn’t ever ask for help nor would she want to change, after all, she’s perfect the way she is. Nonetheless, I want her to observe Ivan more closely, to study the way he thinks and does things, to get a feel for how he operates. I highly doubt she’d be able to employ these tactics for her own goals simply because she’s disciplined enough for that, but I feel like it’d be a valuable lesson for her nonetheless?

PLOT 04

I feel like it’s only a question until her treacherous past truly catches up to her. After all, so far, she’s gotten away with turning her back on the Capulets to join the enemy’s ranks pretty easily. I mean she’s still alive and relatively unharmed which is more than most people could say in the same situation. Of course, she’s under the Montagues’ protection, but even that doesn’t have the same weight in every part of Verona. Knowing Grace’s recklessness and her tendency to live dangerously, she doesn’t shy away from Capulet territory. Probably even provokes them when she feels like it simply because she can (and because it makes her feel powerful). So it’s only a question of time until she gets into a situation where she has to pay for what she’s done. Unlike Grace, I’m not narcissistic enough to assume that she’s the Capulets’ main agenda, however, especially in combination with the connection with Vivianne provided in her bio (so I could def see Vivianne playing a role in that one way or another, maybe even assigning somebody to take care of her? Maybe even Regina which would kind of fit together nicely with Plot 01), I do think that this is still a topic worth exploring. After all, the Capulets won’t just forgive and forget.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes. With her recklessness and ability to piss off the people around her, I feel like it’s only a question of time until Grace is killed, not a question of if.

IN DEPTH.

mentions of graphic violence tw

Carelessly she flicks the cigarette against her chair, her lips curled up into an amused smirk and her long legs draped on the table in front of her. Grace Daly has never been one to give a damn about the rules of properness and she sure as isn’t going to start now just because everybody around her does it. Just because, apparently, there some things you simply “have” to do, especially when being in a lion’s den. Idioti. No, following the rules is something reserved for sheep, people who aren’t bold enough to make decisions for themselves. And Grace Daly is most certainly not a sheep nor is she scared of anything or anybody. Fear? She laughs in the face of fear. It’s not like she’s stupid. Even though it doesn’t look like it, she’s perfectly aware of how dangerous this situation can be for her. How she might not make it out of here alive. The sheer thrill of it causes the adrenalin to rush through her veins, the smirk on her lips to grow just a little more intense. Other people might sit on the edge of their seats, all fidgety and nervous. Not just because of the fact that she’s currently meeting who’s supposed to enemy nr. one, but also because this meeting alone is enough to paint her as a traitor in the eyes of some people. But not Grace. Oh hell no. No, it takes more to get under her skin. Besides, it’s not like she asked for this meeting. No, Damiano Montague reached out to her, invited her. And well, who was she to refuse, even if meeting with him for any other reason to put a bullet between his eyes might be enough reason to some to try put a bullet between her eyes? Turning down the invitation would have been plain stupid. However, not for the reason most people might believe. No, it wasn’t fear that made her accept the invitation, It was sheer ambition. Fuck rules of decency and properness, fuck the rules of the mob if they’re getting in the way of what she wants. After all, when has she ever not taken what she wanted the instant she wanted it, no matter what it takes? Her teeth and ambitions are bared now more than ever, after having her potential ignored in favor of her younger, colorless sister. If it takes a swim to the other side, to change that situation, it’d be stupid to turn down the opportunity.

Her head slightly tilted to the right, her dark eyes are focused on the man in front of her, eying him attentively. It’s quite ironic really how he looks nothing like Cosimo Capulet and exactly like him at the same time. There’s this air of confidence - arrogance really - surrounding him, the charisma of somebody who’s used to getting what he wants, who’s demanding it really. It takes only one look at him to know he doesn’t take well to being turned down. Not that she gives a damn. If he doesn’t offer her a deal she’s interested tonight, Grace won’t feel obligated in any way. Hell, if things don’t go the way she wants (and quite frankly, expects) them to, she might just try to ram or throw the knife she always has with her, hidden in her left boot, into his trachea. If she returns to the other side of the Adige with Damiano Montague’s blood on her hands - literally -, they just have to promote her to Captain at least. Better even, kiss her ass for quite some while. The smirk already gracing her lips grows just a little bit bigger at the thought of his face slowly losing all its color, the desperate death rattle of a dying man, maybe even some pleas for mercy. Somehow this turn of events would be almost just as nice as what she actually came here to do. So whatever is going to happen next, she knows she’ll come out of this little meeting with one sort of advantage in her hands. So much for Grace Daly being incapable of having a plan b.

Without taking her eyes of the mob boss in front of her - direct eye contact is important, after all, to assert dominance and to show that she isn’t the slightest bit afraid of him-, she stubs the cigarette on the wooden table, not giving a damn whether it’d leave a burn mark or not. After all, it’s not her table, is it? “Va bene, vecchio mio, how about you go ahead and make your offer?”, she says, her lips curled into a wolfish grin, “I don’t have all day, after all. Got some disloyal couriers I need to care of.” Oh, the irony talking about disloyalty and treachery while she’s currently committing treason herself. It’s not wasted on her, that’s for sure, quite the opposite, really, it’s highly appreciated. The thought that the Capulets have no idea what might be coming for them, made this little meeting all so sweeter. Would serve them right for ignoring her potential.

___

murder tw

Leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed before her chest, she just stands there for a moment, her eyes focused on Ivan, the corners of her mouth curled up into a lazy half-smirk. “Looks like you have the luck of having the best partner possible today”, she says as she pushes herself away from the frame and heads towards him. From everybody else, these words would have been meant as a joke and yet, even though there’s a slightly amused, teasing intonation to them, she’s dead honest. She might not have been a part of the Capulets for as long as other members, but Grace still knows she’s better than a lot of them. At his slightly amused “and I assume that special one is supposed to be you”, she gives him a little smirk and shrugs her shoulders just slightly. “What can I say? It’s not arrogant if it’s true.” Not that she’d care either way. Caring about what other people think of you is something reserved for pathetic people who aren’t sure of themselves. And she most certainly doesn’t belong in that category. “Sei pronto?” The little smirk still present on her lips, she puts the hand on the gun on her left hip. As a little extra backup, there’s a knife safely stored in the right back pocket of her jeans, hidden by her leather jacket. “Sí.” She’s ready in every possible meaning, eager to, hopefully, get her hands on some real action. Sure, this mission isn’t supposed to turn violent. It’s only planned as some sort of check-up meets interrogation to find out if the rumors are true and they’ve really gone behind their back and are dealing with the enemy. But then again, you could never know how they’d react to this checkup, right? And a girl could still hope, after all.

Slowly but self-assured they head straight towards the building that, their silhouettes one with the shadows of the containers. Every now and signal horns of approaching container ships disturb the silence, but apart from that, there’s complete silence. It’s quite peaceful, actually, she can’t help but notice and at the irony, the hint of a smile sneaks onto her lips. It’s so peaceful that nobody would expect the attack that is going to happen within a few minutes. Which, frankly, makes it even more fun. There’s nothing quite like taking something wholesome and peaceful and turning it upside down. Judging from the information they got, it’s gonna be a relatively easy job from the information they got. Three people top, most likely only lightly armed. They aren’t expecting an interrogation not to mention an attack any time soon, it’ll be like taking candy from a child.

After exchanging another glance with Ivan, she kicks the door open. “Ciao, stronzi.”Charming as ever, she flashes a wolfish grin at them. If they wanted somebody who’s all polite and diplomatic, they wouldn’t have paired Ivan up with her and so she sees no need to be anybody but her usual, charming self. However, for now, she lets Ivan take charge of the conversation. It’s more his style anyway. She prefers to stand there leaning against the door - these fuckers better don’t assume they could get past her - and casually playing with her knife as not that subtle thread while she attentively observes the interaction, ready to jump into action at any howsoever small, wrong movement.

It doesn’t take long, only a few questions to realize that their source was right, these bastardi are trying to cheat them out of their profit. They realize almost as quickly that their cover has blown as Ivan and she do and pull their guns. Too bad it’s only almost. Without thinking about twice, Grace throws her knife, aiming right at the left guy’s forehead. Ivan reacts just as quickly, taking out the other guy with one unerring shot. Everything happened so quickly, that it takes her a moment to fully process what just happened. Completely collected on the outside, she stares at the dead body in front of her with some morbid curiosity. Even though she’s already seen her fair share of dead bodies ever since having joined the Capulets, it’s the first time she’s responsible for one. It’s an intriguing feeling, really. A part of her is well aware of she should feel at least some sort of regret or guilt. And yet, there’s nothing of that crap on her mind. The only thing she feels is excitement and satisfaction. It felt good to bury that knife between his eyes before he could even fully realize what was about to happen, it still does, to be honest. Slowly she steps closer to the corpse and pulls the knife out of it without flinching. She’s never been afraid of blood and she most certainly isn’t going to start that now. If anything there’s something quite satisfying about seeing your work in all its unholy glory. Is this what it feels like to be God? This rush of power of having just ended one life simply because you chose to do so? For a moment longer, her eyes are focused on the body, eying it almost thoughtfully, before she turns back around to Ivan. “Well, this didn’t exactly turn out as planned”, she says, the hint of a smile in the corners of her mouth betraying her words. “Too bad we didn’t get to question them further before blowing their brains out, though. The info whether they decided to cheat on us all of a sudden on their own or were instigated by somebody else wouldn’t have been the worst to have.” It’s not like she particularly cares about the answer, what this answer could have gotten her recognition wise is the much more interesting question. Ah well, what’s done is done. She shrugs slightly as she wipes the blood of the knife on her jeans before putting it back into the back pocket. “Let’s go check out if we can find some more information on what these idiots were up to. Maybe they were stupid enough to store some important documents here that give us a better idea of how far this whole little boycott goes and if other business partners of us are involved.” Eliminating two traitors might be useful and a nice accomplishment, but it’s not enough for her. No, she seeks something more impressive to bring back to the headquarters. After all ‘nice’ accomplishments, didn’t exactly allow you to climb higher on the mob’s hierarchy, won’t get her the recognition she deserves and craves.

___

Everett Craven - Emissary. Easton Craven - Captain. And darling Regina promoted as well. Even hours later, her fingers grab the glass of Scotch in her hands more firmly, the knuckles from the pressure she exerts, the rest of her body just as tense. Honestly, if this was one big fucking joke it wasn’t remotely funny. And despite her rather unique, wicked sense of humor she could usually see a joke for what it is. Although it had to be one - it’d be the only explanation that made some sort of sense -, she knows it’s not. It’s the fucking reality that everybody, who so much as breaths, gets a fucking promotion. Hell, even on the Montague side, promotions are a dime a dozen and everybody gets one. A dry, sarcastic laugh dies in her throat before she can get it out. Everybody but her that is. It seems like no matter what she does, it’s just not good enough. Like she’s nothing but a slightly tamed but rabid dog you can’t fully control but the perfect tool for threatening and intimidating your enemies. The one you send out to do all the dirty, bloody, disgusting work nobody else is willing to get their hands dirty on. She takes a sip of her drink, the burning sensation of the liquor running down her throat is a welcome distraction and yet, it isn’t nearly enough to burn away the frustration. And she does what they want like the good dog she, apparently, is. Does jobs nobody else would want to do if they don’t have a choice, just to prove her worth. Follows orders, even though somebody like Henry Zhang - the thought of her Captain is enough to roll her eyes - really couldn’t handle her under any other circumstances. Plays nice with men like Faron Vasilev just to get in his good graces and have him speak out for her. Even now she can still smell his cologne, the air of arrogance and entitlement surrounding men like him. It tastes sour in the back of her mouth, her. Maybe she should have tried sleeping with him while she still had the chance, seemed to have worked out perfectly for that puta Calina, after all. She even plasters a (more or less) friendly smile she plasters on her face every time Damiano walks past her and keeps her mouth shut, even when they talk bullshit. Her stomach twists and turns. They could drop dead this instant for all she cares and yet, she still plays nice.

And for what? A small part of her mind that is still capable of thinking straight knows that she might just haven’t been a part of the Montagues long enough to earn the position of Captain. Castora has been a Montague for longer than her, it’s true. But Damiano wanted her. With one loud, shrieking noise, a glass breaks into a million shards as Grace throws it against the wall, not giving a damn if its ember content ruins the wall. He invited her personally into the fold and she deigned to accept that invitation. And yet, she’s still left with nothing. Maybe she really should have slit his throat right there during that meeting that promised to be a turning point. Frowning just slightly, her lips curled up into a sneer, the drops of liquor on the wall turning into crimson red bloodstains in her mind. She could have painted the walls red with mighty Damiano’s blood. She should have. That at least ought to have earned her a promotion with the Capulets. And yet, she’d resisted, had believed the stronzo’s golden lies of how they could achieve something great together, of how he could offer her more than Cosimo ever could. She’d known that he couldn’t make her Captain right away, that wasn’t how things worked. Anybody, who’d promoted somebody who’d only just been accepted into the fold (not to mention from the opposing side) was plain stupid, Grace understood that. But hasn’t she waited long enough now? Isn’t it time for her patience and hard work to finally be rewarded? And instead, she simply gets overlooked again.

It’s not the first time she’s been overlooked, she should be used to it by now. She used to be the center of their parents’ universe, until her younger sisters - it’s an insult really, not a term of endearment -, took it away from her. After all, ever since darling Cat came into the world with her blonde locks and angelic nature, their father would choose the younger over her, dote on her instead of always on her like he used to. Memories of a little Cat, innocence come to life, run through her mind and she scowls. Her sweetness tastes like acid on her tongue, always has. And Regina took away the recognition and respect of the Capulets. The thought of her passionless, disinterested attitude alone is enough for her body to tense up and yearn for something else to punch bloody. How can somebody be so bland and yet so successful? Grace has always been fire and action and still, no matter how intense and destructive her fire, Regina’s hollowness seems to swallow it whole. If she ever felt a small flicker of sisterly love it’s long gone, she should have killed both long ago. Should have drowned them both like you did with unwanted puppies and kittens. Being overlooked is certainly nothing new so she really should be used to it by now. And yet, it hurts all the same, the sting of rejection, of not being good enough or enough, really. Whatever she does, she always gets overlooked for somebody else. For somebody who doesn’t want it nearly as much as she does. Who wouldn’t be as a great fit for the position as she would. She knows she can do better than all of them, why won’t anybody see it? Why won’t anybody see her for the potential that she has to offer?

For a time, it seemed like Damiano Montague saw it, saw her. That he would value her like the Capulets never did. And now she knows how wrong she’s been. Red painted lips twist into a sneer as she forgoes the thought of getting another glass and grabs the bottle instead. One sip, then another. She could empty the whole bottle, drink herself into oblivion and the liquor still couldn’t wash away the all-consuming feeling of humiliation cutting through her intestines like a hot burning iron. How utterly stupid she’d been. If she’s completely honest, it hurts almost just as much as the disappointment and rejection that she’s partially to blame for her misery. She should have been smart enough to see through Damiano’s empty promises. Eyes focused on the wall in front of her, she glares a hole. One rapid breath, another, her body tensing with every single one - then she punches it, only barely noticing the dull pain quickly spreading from the via the arm to her shoulder or the sting of the bloody, torn open knuckles. She should have at least thought in greater detail about how her chances at a promotion, at validation, are, if she stayed with the Capulets. After all, if colorless, hollow Regina managed to get two promotions, it should be out of the question that she would have made it to Captain during that time. She needs to believe she would have. Her stomach slumps at the mere prospect of not having made the cut either way. No, everything else is unacceptable. And yet, despite priding herself on her cleverness, she allowed herself to be blinded her own and ambition. It’d felt so good to be seen, to have your potential and talent acknowledged, to be recognized for what difference you could make if you changed the teams, that she’d gladly taken the opportunity offered to her on a silver platter. The Capulets never valued her, so why should she burden herself with them if somebody else could offer her the opportunity to finally rise to the station she knows she deserves? Her eyes fixed on the mess she just created - the shards, her bleeding knuckles, the ruined wall - she can’t hold back cynical laughter any longer. It’s too much of a representation of the rest of her life. After all, as it now turns out, neither do the Montagues really see and value her. She desperately wants to say that it’s their loss, that it’ll be their own ruin. And it probably will be. But if she’s completely honest, right now, it is her loss. She’s the one who has to deal with the humiliation of having switched sides for nothing. To have made a traitor of herself for nothing. To have started again from scratch basically for absolutely nothing.

Extras:

A Mockblog can be found here. Pls ignore the ugliness, I couldn’t be bothered to make it fancy as I’d only use it to reblog stuff from if I should get accepted anyway.

You can find a pinterest board here.

MB Type: ESTP-A - The Entrepreneur

Eneagram Type: Type 8 - The Challenger (81%) Type 3 - The Achiever (61%)

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Evil

The Four Temperaments: Choleric

Archetypes: Rebel (56%) - The Wild Woman, The Criminal & The Rebel Explorer (22%) - The Adventurer & The Explorer Royal (22%) - The Excecutive, The Bully & The Greenvy

#accepted: goneril #accepted

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ilosttrackofthings · 5 years

Text

A comparatively brief rundown of C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy (because I love it and need to babble but also it is looong and no one will read it so you can all read this instead):

Book 1: Out of the Silent Planet

spoi|ers: we’re the Silent Planet

this dude named Ransom is taking a proper English walk and hears sounds of distress

he discovers some random escaping from our two villains and helps him get away

no good deed goes unpunished and he’s captured in the random’s place

the villains drag him on their spaceship and blast off into space

they all spend a few months just chilling because it’s a long trip to Mars and the whole kidnapping issue is gonna have to wait

the villains wanna make nice with the Martians and need Ransom to be their human sacrifice to the Martian god to really solidify this new interplanetary friendship

Ransom, not wanting to do any of that, escapes when they land

turns out there are lots of different kinds of Martians and he chills with the really tall otter people for a few months

also Ransom is a linguist and learns to speak their language because he’s cool like that

at one point he sees a little kid talking to their imaginary friend and tries to do that adult thing where he pretends to talk to him too

and the kid is just like “...what?”

because it’s not an imaginary friend

it’s an angel eldil

Ransom convinces his otter buddy to stay out on the lake fishing even though it’s time to come in and otter buddy dies because this was a sin and Ransom feels SUPER GUILTY for corrupting his bro and getting him killed

man, sin is harsh

Ransom ends up leaving for reasons and goes to deal with our villains, who are still running around on Mars somewhere

he has more adventures, one involving a cave that is described in minute detail because it’s a MARTIAN cave, don’t you care just so much?

all the Martians think Ransom’s cool

the ~advanced ones the villains wanna deal with make a frieze depicting Ransom’s adventures

all the humans on the frieze look like Ransom

everyone gets to meet the god of Mars

who is not a god, he’s another angel eldil, he’s just in charge of Mars/the spirit of Mars

he also thinks Ransom’s cool

Ransom is allowed to take the villains home so they won’t cause Mars anymore trouble

they naturally plot to murder him

one of them dies, the other escapes, and Ransom goes off to enjoy normal Earth things like sandwiches and tea and beds

Book 2: Perelandra

that’s Venus

because Ransom is so cool, and also the only human being who’s not a villain and has been off of Earth, he’s sent to Venus

they’re still at the Eden stage and it’s time for the snake to show up and make his offer

Ransom basically gets in a glass box and is carried through space by the eldil

he’s all sunburned on one side and ~Eve laughs her ass off when she meets him

Venus is all oceans with floating islands like that island of insanity in Life of Pi

[that was literally the only part of Life of Pi I liked and this connection is why]

all the animals are super chill because there’s no sin yet

Ransom ultimately realizes that he might have to die to stop Venus from Falling

he decides he’s cool with that and also recognizes that his name is appropriate like he’s a character in a story

such a nerd

I love him

he does not die

Venus does not Fall

it’s all good

Book 3: That Hideous Strength

new main characters!

professor who just wants to be in the cool clique at work and his wife who’s having second thoughts about this marriage

the wife freaks out one morning when she sees a picture of an executed murderer in the paper because she had a dream about him the night before

there is a LOT of stuff about how the professor’s college has this pretty little wooded area that they’ve sold off secretly as part of some mundane-sounding measure and it’s all gonna be torn up even though people LIVE THERE and the town goes into chaos but it’s too late, the damage is done

the professor is taken out of town by his new friends, who all work for the people who bought the land

they say they’ll give him a job, tell him to write up some blatantly false propaganda for them to keep the little people thinking the way they want

he starts to realize that this fancy new job is too good to be true

also they’re not paying him

whenever he tries to leave, the harmless figurehead stops him

he makes sure to leave when the figurehead is occupied in his office inside, no way he could get in his way

he barely makes it out of the house before he sees the figurehead, not inside, but in the distance, coming across the lawn

it is not even the creepiest thing

the Creepiest Thing is the head

ohmygosh the head

the head of the executed murderer, removed from his corpse, hooked up to machines to put saliva in the mouth and air in the throat and to make it talk

this is how they communicate with demons their outerspace friends

the head is a stepping stone to their ideal person: no body, just a mind, free and untethered by silly wants and needs and UGH I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT THE HEAD IT’S SO GROSS

sidenote: THE MOOOOOOOON

the moon is inhabited

aliens live under the surface

the ones on the dark side are cool, they’re like any of the other neato aliens we’ve met

the ones on the side that’s locked facing us have been corrupted by humanity’s sin and they’re so disgusted with their own flesh that they build robots of themselves so that moon-husband doesn’t have to have sex with his moon-wife, he can have sex with her robot double instead, clearly way less gross

they’ve already perfected the whole body-free thing and they’re trying to force it on their non-corrupted moon-brethren

anyway

back to the story

the professor’s wife has been doing her own thing

she’s trying to deal with these ~weird dreams~ she’s been having but the only help she finds is in some kinda awkward people and no one wants to hang out with that

only then their sleepy little town becomes a warzone because of the destroying the land and the professor’s propaganda and also the people her husband is with send someone to kidnap her so yeah, she’ll take the awkward people

at this point we’re like halfway through the book and there’s been no space stuff and no Ransom and you’re probably wondering what this has to do with anything but it’s a really dense book so there’s really no stopping now

the wife ends up in a kinda weird house with a weird collection of people and also a bear

the bear is great

he is a puppy

a very tiny englishwoman bosses him out of her kitchen

the best

all of these people know about the bad guys the professor is with, some of them were displaced by the land being taken

they’re all here to help the guy upstairs

no, not God

literally the guy upstairs

who is Ransom

freaking finally

he’s kinda frail but also not? and he seems super young but also old?

basically his space adventures messed him up but not in a bad way

he is the New Pendragon

this happens a lot, Pendragons, the True Spirit of England having to be fought for and preserved

he’s not Arthur reborn, he’s just ... filling that role or whatever in these modern times

and also he is not a king

def. not

but he’s in charge and also we need to find Merlin

he’s buried in that quaint little wood the baddies are tearing up

and also the wife is psychic, that’s why she has the dreams

so they need her to tell them where to find Merlin

remember that this is the Space Trilogy?

everyone’s going after Merlin at once

he gets away by pretending to be a tramp

because he’s Merlin

he goes straight to Ransom because he knows what’s up

they do lots of cool magic stuff

the spirits of like three different planets come upon Merlin to infuse him with power and it’s just a really pretty section of the book with each spirit overflowing to briefly alter the emotional state of everyone nearby in really cool ways

Merlin goes off to fight the bad guys by freeing all their animal test subjects and setting them on them in a horrible massacre

the bear was also captured by the bad guys previously and is ashamed of his actions during the fight

it’s sad

Merlin dies from all the power

oh also the surviving villain from book 1 was one of the baddies here

he dies

the professor is saved

he and his wife reunite with a new outlook on their marriage

Ransom gets to go back to Venus because his work is done and he loved it so much there

and that is the Space Trilogy

where is the movie series?

#talkytalktalk #bibliophile

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