#hubs said if i got this job we could get a cat
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How I Became the Token Human
The sign said “Earthling Wanted” in large print, and I, a perfectly eligible Earthling, said “Heck yeah.” Busy space station life bustled around me as I stepped close to read the details on the holoboard. Other ads were for the usual range of odd jobs and social events, but this one was specific.
And it couldn’t have been more perfect for me. A courier ship was contracted to deliver someone’s pet cat to them in deep space (I guessed that a breakup had happened while the owner was away, or their temporary job had turned into a permanent one) and while the couriers were perfectly capable of getting the cat there, this was several days of travel, and they hadn’t the first idea of how to care for an Earth animal.
Well, I thought with no small amount of smugness, They just got themselves an expert. I copied the holo ad onto my phone, then found a vaguely-private corner of a public seating area and activated the call. I stood up straight and professional, as if I was meeting a wealthy new client with an ailing Samoyed. Would they want a detailed resume? A rundown of the places I’d worked and trained, my range of expertise on animals big and small? Or perhaps a description of what I would do in various unexpected scenarios?
Nope. The octopuslike alien who popped into view — deep green, harried, and female unless I missed my guess — only had two questions for me.
“Great, you look like an Earthling,” she said. “How experienced are you in caring for cats?”
“Very,” I said, ready to add more.
“Good. Can you leave immediately?”
“Yes,” I decided, thinking quickly. “I just have to grab my things. Where’s your ship?”
“Meet us at the semiaquatic spaceport before the shadow covers it.” She glanced at something offscreen. “We leave before the solar sails have to fold. Be quick.” With that, the call ended.
I blinked once, then shoved the phone into my pocket and sprinted down the corridor. Passersby stepped aside and gave me disapproving looks, especially the group of red-pink bugfolk who chattered after me in their own language, but I dodged through the loose crowd without hitting anyone. Nearly tripped over a smaller-than-average Waterwill, which could have been disastrous given their “column of jello” consistency, but I hopped on by with a quick apology.
Are Waterwills really that fragile? I wondered as I ran. My biological studies had all been Earth-based. I knew the best way to hold a chameleon, pet a cat, and catch a chicken, but I hadn’t the foggiest idea how the friendly blobmonsters worked.
Well, maybe I’d find out.
I skidded into my small room and threw things into the suitcase. There wasn’t much to pack, since this was a temporary stop. Five minutes ago I’d been planning to trudge back to Earth and look for a new job. My old workplace was under new management and doing a reshuffling that made for a perfect time to take a quick lap around the galaxy, something I’d always wanted to do. It had been a great vacation. But there wasn’t much call for a veterinarian in space. Or so I’d thought.
One more jaunt, I told myself. It pays well enough to be worth it. And they clearly need my help. With a look about the room for anything I’d missed, I zipped the suitcase and shouldered my backpack, then cancelled the rest of my reservation at the control panel by the door.
A few more button presses, and the door wooshed open to let me dash off through the residential area, towing my suitcase on its repulsor plate behind me. That bag was much better than my old wheelie-case, which was always tipping over when I turned quickly. This one did have a tendency to slide around like a toddler on ice, but I was an old hand now at pulling the strap just right to keep it from taking anybody out at the knees. And honestly, I usually walked at a more reasonable pace than this. But time was short.
I glanced at a multiclock as I passed an elevator hub; sunset was coming for this side of the station. I wondered who had decided to make the station rotate in orbit instead of keeping one side facing the sun, but that was beyond my pay grade. Maybe it got too hot otherwise.
Long lines at the food court made me slow down, edging past a variety of body types before I reached a clear area and picked up speed again.
Success, I thought. Didn’t even bump into a scaly tail. This door? That door!
I found the dry-air-breather’s access port and hurried into the airlocks where steeply angled sunlight was streaming in. I only stopped once, to swipe my ID in exchange for a cheapo force-field exo suit. Just in case the separation of dry air, wet air, and water left anything to be desired. I’d made that mistake once. One experience of scrambling for the emergency cutoff switch in an airlock rapidly filling with water was enough.
Those octopeople breathe dry air, right? I fretted while I retrieved the exo disk. I think so. They just like more baths and moisturizers than I do. I’ll be fine on a ship made for them. Assuming the one I talked to doesn’t live in a scuba suit while onboard. But surely they would have said. Probably.
With my ID back in my pocket and the control disk stuck to my chest (using technology that was basically the inverse of my suitcase), I shoved out into the spaceport in a cloud of my own air. I was greeted by more air, rows of parked ships under a glittering force field between us and the stars, and an impatient-looking green tentacle alien waiting in view of the airlocks. She waved me toward her ship as soon as she saw me.
Strongarms, that’s what they’re called, I remembered. I guess I’ll get a name for this one once we’re on the way. With golden solar sails spread wide, the little round ship looked like a cartoon bat, or maybe a lemon that wanted to be a pirate ship when it grew up. The epitome of dignity either way. I made a note to say nothing about that either.
“Right this way; stand back while the door shuts; the animal is in the cargo bay with more food and junk than any sane creature could eat in the time we’ve got; I’ll introduce you after takeoff.” The green Strongarm didn’t give me a chance to do more than nod as she spoke. “For now, come grab a crash seat in the cabin. I’ll introduce you to the crew after takeoff too.” She sped down the narrow corridor with a quiet slapping of tentacles on the shiny blue floor.
I did my best to keep up, despite having to bend over as I walked. This ship was not designed for a tall species. At least the walls and ceiling were a clean white, not one of those squishy organic ships that made my skin crawl.
“Got the human,” she announced as the door to the cabin spiraled open. She waved several tentacles back at me, one pointing at a chair near the wall that had a fighting chance of fitting me. “Quick-quick.”
I ducked through the sphincter-door (also gross, but less so), waved at the dozen or so random aliens, then shoved my suitcase behind the chair and sat. The chair was cup-shaped and way too small, but at least the back was flexible. I could feel a localized gravity field in place of a seat belt.
These folks have a lot of faith in their ship’s power source, I thought as I lifted my backpack to where it would give me neck support. Here’s hoping we don’t crash. For lots of reasons.
The crew were mostly ignoring me, though in a polite way. Strongarms, Frillians, and a few Heatseekers. Octopeople, colorful fin-covered bipeds who looked like tropical fish that had learned to walk, and little lizardy folks. All air breathers, though two out of three had aquatic origins. As the engine hummed to life, I shut off my exo field.
Damp air caressed my face like someone breathing on me from uncomfortably close. Great. But it was breathable and wouldn’t damage my stuff, and we were already in space, judging by the viewscreen that had just registered some very quick movement. Only stars and a few distant ships were in front of us now.
“All right, introductions!” announced the green Strongarm. “You can call me Kamm. What’s your name, human?”
“Robin Bennett,” I said, sitting up straight. “Earth animal expert at your service.”
Kamm accepted that and rattled off the names of everyone else in the room, then gave a quick rundown of the journey we could expect. Three standard days, no wormholes planned, no asteroid showers or other hoo-ha expected.
And now that we were clear of the space station’s shipping lanes, we could make good time and move about the ship.
Kamm hopped out of her seat and hit the floor with a wet smack. “This way, animal expert. Let’s show you to your charge and your room.”
I grabbed my suitcase and followed, trying to be graceful while simultaneously ducking and high-stepping through the door. It was like walking around in a kids’ playhouse.
At least the cargo bay had a properly high ceiling. It also had many boxes of cargo, and one metal cage with a very distressed cat. The I-don’t-want-to-be-here yodel echoed off every wall.
“Well, there it is,” said Kamm with a wince. “It’s been this loud the whole time. I hope that’s not a cause for alarm?”
“Not the sound alone, no,” I said. “Let me take a quick look. Hey, kitty.” I approached with a gentle voice and quiet footsteps.
The tone of the cat’s yowling changed when it saw me, aiming for pity over volume. Poor little gray tabby sounded very lonely. A nameplate with paragraphs of contact information said “PICKLE” in all caps.
“Hello, Pickle. There there, kitty; it’s okay.” I greeted the cat with a soothing babble of syllables, letting it sniff my fingers through the bars, only noticing once it quieted that Kamm had stayed by the door.
“Oh good,” the alien said. “It likes you. Will you want the whole crate in your quarters, I hope? There’s enough room.”
“Yes, definitely,” I said, standing back up. The cat mewed in protest.
“Great. All the food and whatever should fit too. Grab a sled.”
At Kamm’s directions, I helped maneuver a hoversled under the cage, then down the hall. She led the way with a different sled full of airtight cases covered in labels. Her cart was the more rattletrap of the two, which I appreciated; the supplies wouldn’t be bothered by any jolts in height, but an anxious cat sure would.
Pickle yowled all the way to my quarters. Our quarters, rather. Kamm was eager to rush off once I said I had everything in hand, and I couldn’t blame her. But the noise stopped as soon as the door shut.
“Mew?”
“All right, kitty,” I said as I took off my backpack. “That door seems solid, so you probably won’t run off and get stuck under the brake pedal, or however they fly this ship. Do you want to come out?”
Pickle didn’t, when I opened the door, but I made myself comfortable on the floor by the cage and read through the info packet that had popped up on my phone. Pickle was a girl cat, five years old, spayed, fond of cheese and toys that crinkled.
Eventually she crept out to accept some gentle scritches and a warm lap. I was considering moving to the giant squishy cushion that passed for a bed when the door chimed.
“Ow!” Those claws were sharp when Pickle launched off me to hide in the carrier. I got to my feet painfully, shut the small door, then opened the big one. The ceiling was low in here too.
A maroon-and-teal Frillian stood there, just barely short enough to stand normally in the hallway. “Did you bring food, or would you like to join us for a meal?”
I looked back at the quiet cat. “I do have some ration bars, but I wouldn’t mind meeting everyone properly. Let me dig out some food for my charge here, then I’ll be there. Which way…?”
The Frillian gave me directions, then scooted off. I turned to the multiple boxes labeled “food,” and checked the info packet. Pickle had preferences.
But of course she was too scared to eat. I left the tray of high-quality wet food inside the cage alongside a dish of water and a well-chewed toy mouse that promised to have familiar smells. Then I gave her some quiet time.
And I got some fun time! The crew turned out to be outgoing and friendly, with many a joke ready about the types of food that my species was known to eat. They were mostly a carnivorous set, of one kind or another (fish, bugs, rodents; not a T-bone steak among the lot). They weren’t phased by any kind of plant food, but the existence of dairy products as a whole was soundly denounced as vile weirdness.
“Honestly, it makes sense,” I laughed. “Milk is the first food we eat when we’re born, then we found ways to make it into a bunch of other fancy things.”
“Yes, but why?” asked a bright red Heatseeker, his lizardy face intent. “Organic drippings sound like the absolute last choice of edible foods.”
“Spoken by someone who has never tasted ice cream,” I told him. “Or pizza! Those are some of the best foods out there.”
“I’ve heard humans mention pizza before,” said a large gray Strongarm. He gestured with something that looked like an uncut sushi roll. “What actually is it?”
I happily explained, then had to go on a tangent about bread, since that was apparently a weird human thing too.
“Really? None of you folks have food made of processed grains?” I asked, to a row of blank stares. “Guess not, but okay: it’s crushed grain and water with yeast — those are little microscopic creatures that help turn it into proper food — as I understand it, the air bubbles in the finished bread are their farts — I’m not doing a good job of selling this, am I? I swear it tastes good!”
The big Strongarm laughed loudest. “No, but keep going! You were going to circle back to ‘cheese’ and why it’s not rotten.”
I did my best, eventually giving up while insisting that they would probably like at least some of my species’ barbaric dishes if they ever got a chance to try them. It was a fun conversation. And the food was all right too. A bit fishy, but I’d had worse.
I was sad to see the meal end, with everyone scattering off to their various tasks, some of which might have been fun to help with: untangling cords or organizing cases or deciphering random space messages. But my duty was with the cat.
Pickle was caterwauling loud enough to be heard from the end of the hallway. I hurried in and comforted her again, opening the cage and settling in to rest on the cushion-bed with her snuggled next to me.
With nothing else to do, I drifted off into a nap that was more restful than expected, given the alien bed. I woke, braved the alien bathroom, then went back to sleep. Even after the vacation I’d been taking, it was a bizarre luxury to have no demands on my time. I didn’t even know what kind of day/night cycle this ship was on.
And it didn’t matter. I slept as much as I needed to, ate a couple ration bars, fed and played with Pickle, and I read a book I’d been meaning to get around to. It was nice.
Crew members showed up occasionally to invite me to meals, but otherwise I spent the whole trip in my quarters. And as much as I enjoyed the camaraderie of dinnertime, the guilt I felt every time I returned to piteous meows kept me from staying out longer.
I really would have liked to, though. They even had a music night with instruments I’d never heard of. There were spares that I was welcome to try.
But Pickle had been scratching at the cage the last time I returned, and if she tore a claw because I wanted to know what an alien trumpet sounded like, then I would have failed in my duty.
So I stayed with the cat who purred like an outboard motor, and I did some more reading. It was still nice. Peaceful. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to take a turn at the radio station, listening for gossip and distress calls and triple-encoded secret messages.
The end of the trip caught me off guard. Kamm showed up with a ten-minute warning before the time we needed to have the crate stowed in the cargo bay, and me seated in the cabin.
“Already?” I blurted. “Right, I’ll be packed up in a jiff. Got the sleds?”
In the rush of gathering things, ushering Pickle back into the carrier, and hurrying to the cargo bay, I didn’t really have time to Feel Things about the trip ending.
But I felt them anyway. I’d miss my little snuggle buddy. I hoped she had a good life ahead of her.
The man waiting at the spaceport a few minutes later, as close to the landing pad as he was allowed, was a grizzled old space marine type. Stereotypes said he would have been more at home with some vicious beast as a pet, but I’d seen enough mismatched owners in my time to just smile at how eagerly he waited. And the way his face lit up at the sight of his cat was heartwarming.
Pickle’s distressed meows turned to welcoming mews when her human scritched her through the bars. I didn’t have to remind him that he owed money before he could take her away; he was on top of that. Though I’m sure Kamm would have made sure if necessary. The two of them handled the transaction with speed. Then to my surprise, he opened the cage there on the landing pad.
Pickle clawed her way up his thick jacket to settle purring onto his shoulders, like this was where she was meant to be. Maybe it was.
“Thanks so much for bringing her to me,” the man said to Kamm, with a nod to me as well. “Gonna introduce her to the new family; now everyone I love is in one place.”
Kamm said a polite goodbye while I gave him a warm smile and wiggled my fingers at Pickle. The cat gave me a slow blink, purring hard and nuzzling his chin. Then the pair of them walked off to the rest of their lives.
“Come grab your stuff,” Kamm told me. “He left a big tip, which I’ll pass over to you. No way we could have done a thing to calm that creature ourselves.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It was my pleasure.” It really had been; going home seemed anticlimactic now. It was just a pity I hadn’t been able to socialize with the crew more. They were good people.
I followed Kamm back into the ship for the last time — or so I thought, until a pair of crew members called from the radio station about a message from their sister ship.
“They had a fuel leak, and only managed to coast into orbit of a moon four days out,” said the small Frillian. “They need fuel, repair supplies, and extra food for their cargo.” He looked from Kamm to me. “I don’t know what planet the cargo is from, but if you don’t have to be anywhere just yet…?”
I grinned. “I don’t, as a matter of fact. I’ll happily come along if you’ll have me.”
Kamm flipped a tentacle in what was probably a shrug. “Why not? It worked out well just now. And I want to see if you can play a flange horn.”
“Me too!” I said. “Let me just grab some provisions before we go. At least one of you folks has to try pizza.”
This was years ago now. I never did get a regular job back on Earth, and I don’t regret it one bit.
(A couple crewmates did regret the pizza, but at least it was funny.)
~~~
This is official backstory connecting these comics with this novel. Robin has had a lot of adventures, and is about to have more!
#the Token Human#humans are weird#humans are space orcs#humans are space australians#earth is a deathworld#haso#hfy#earth is space australia#eiad#writeblr#my writing#humans#aliens#cats#in spaaace#Robin Bennett#the spacefaring veterinarian and human-at-large#once again explaining cheese to nonhumans#always a fun conversation
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so I applied for a job at a neato cat food start-up and I was asked to do a project for them to see if interviewing me will be worth their time. I'm really struggling to just not look at all the cat pics.
#sloth rambles#i actually do kinda want this job#i just hope they like ad/landing page#or I will cry#hubs said if i got this job we could get a cat#cats#you can ignore my ramblings and just look at cat pics if you want lol
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First Name, Last Name, Occupation Commentary
You guys really swung for the fences for this one. I was inspired to run this by fun little cards like Cat Warriors, Goblin Assassin, and Dragon Turtle. Cards that do one type by way of another. You guys, for the most part, tried to get as weird as possible, more akin to Urza’s Saga. I purposefully left it open ended to allow non-creatures, but I did not expect about half the cards to be a type other than creature. Some people in the Discord tried to break the rules even more than that. Personally, I wish there were more simple creatures, but I’m happy with what I got.
So without further ado, here’s the commentary! They’re alphabetical by submitter’s tumblr name or preferred credit.
@alextfish - Fractal Fish
Holy moly that’s some fish, visually and mechanically. So let me try to parse this: the first time, you attack, get two fish, then next time you turn those two fish (which hopefully also got in for damage) into two counters. So every other turn it doubles the number of counters, assuming you get in with it every time. At a minimum, it’s a little Tana/Living Hive that can’t be used moe than once. It feels weird for this effect to be in blue, though I get why from a flavor perspective. This does feel like a fish, though, and it definitely feels like a fractal. This card feels top down, which is fine, but I’m just not super into it. It feels unnecessarily complex for an effect that you probably only want to trigger once, maybe twice. I still think it’s really cool.
Allie - Urza’s Treasure
It’s a bit of a stretch to have a land named “Urza’s Treasure” but it’s less of a stretch than urza’s saga, so you’re good. The idea of a treasure land in general is cool to me: it’s worse than Tendo Ice Bridge and Aether Hub, but the artifact synergy is notable. Then we get to the last ability: this card is a mox opal. Or maybe a glimmer void? There are a lot of comparisons, but I don’t know which is the most appropriate. A land that effectively doesn’t tap for mana unless you have metalcraft seems awful, but I’ve seen enough affinity to know that that won’t slow it down a bit. So this is essentially a card that’s only good for broken decks, and honestly, I don’t think they need the help. I think the fact that it’s so all or nothing is a bit of a deal breaker. Every part of this card is either massive downside, massive upside, or both. You could argue that makes it balanced, but I’d argue it just makes it broken. I also wish the “Urza’s” part of the typeline played into it more, but I realize the type doesn’t have much of a mechanical throughline.
@arixordragc - Warrior Dragon
Ooh, a bold choice. Dragon Warrior and Warrior Dragon send two completely different feels, and this one is definitely the cooler one. Six mana 6/6 flyer is a good rate, but not so good it doesn’t get good abilities. The abilities it gets are a ghostly prison and two circle of flames. I really like how they both have a similar feels: 2 damage and two mana. However, I think the two abilities are att odds. If you need one, you probably don’t need the other. If your opponent has a lot of 1/1 or 2/2 creatures, they won’t be able to pay 2 for each them, and if they do, they’d just die. The damage does have a little bit of meaning, though, because if they attack with a big creature you don’t have to deals as much damage to it. I also just would have expected a warrior dragon to be more offensive than defensive. This feels more like a guard or defender rather than a warrior. So it might be better to have one be offense and one be defensive. Perhaps one ability could affect blockers and one attackers? This is a good card, and a cool set of effects, I just think it needs to work on multiple angles. I also think this could be a rare: it’s not so powerful you wouldn’t want it appearing more often in packs, and it’s not too complex.
@bread-into-toast - Zombie Mole
I like the flavor of a zombie mole, since it’s already in the dirt. I do think this sounds better than your original entry, Graveborn Mole, but I think the old one told a more complete story. The card itself is pretty neat, it’s a classic red black aggro card with a big body and a risk payoff. There’s some stuff I don’t like about it. First, sacrificing a land is one of those things that players don’t realize how bad it is for you, so this could lead to a lot of players screwing themselves over, especially if it’s as uncommon. Second, the fact that it can be recast with it’s own trigger, such as when you attack, sac a land, let it die, and then get it back because you had a land die is a bit too synergistic, especially because it gets him back untapped. This means that you have a 5/5 on turn two that if you somehow get to kill by blocking they can just pay two to save and untap it. Again, at uncommon, this is very strong, even if the downside is also very strong. The design as a whole is pretty cool, but I think it’s going to lead to a lot of unhappy players on one or both sides of the field. As a final note, I really liked that you put some art direction in the submission (for those at home, it said “Mood: a giant undead mole attacks, startling the giant (living) moles and miners around it”). It’s a cool way to get a lot of the benefits of art without having to make your own or go hunting.
@charmera - Giant Golem Knight
I think the name here is pretty close. It feels a little awkward to say, but I’ve seen worse. The card is a little weak and a little poorly templated, but nothing that can’t be fixed. For the templating issue, I think telling a player they can’t do something then telling them they can in a different place doesn’t work. Cards like Manor Gargoyle that do this just remove Defender. Since this also says can’t block, though, you’d need something different. I might suggest just changing it to “~ can’t attack or block unless you sacrificed an artifact this turn.” It would power it up just a little in the process, but I think that’s called for. A 6 mana 6/7 is not really above the curve, and the activated ability is hard enough to activate that it doesn’t really pump up the power level of the card as a whole. Vigilance also seems weird on a card that needs to pay to both attack and block. I could see a specific format being able to break this card, but as something you’d see in a core set, it would need a lot of support to see play. I really like the design and concept, it just needs to be rebalanced a bit.
@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion - Arcane Trap
So, this one is interesting to me. The base rate on this card is good. Glimmer of Genius and Glimpse the multiverse are both super playable and both have a little something extra. In this case, the little something extra is the trap text, and the idea of repeating this card with arcane spells is pretty enticing for the decks that would play it. But there’s something missing here: the trap text doesn’t feel trappy. It’s a bonus, sure, but if you look at all of the existing traps in the game, the difference between hard casting and trap casting is usually massive, sometimes the entire cost! This instead reminds me more of “gotcha!” from unhinged, where the punishment for a player doing something is that you get a card back from your graveyard. It also doesn’t feel very trap-like because it doesn’t punish a player doing the trap-thing. Usually if an opponent is drawing cards it’s a good idea to out-draw them, and splicing helps with that, but it’s not like this is the “ha, you fool!” card that most traps are. It’s just a little bonus. Like when your opponent adds to your storm count. Functionally, I think this card is cool and feels unique, but doesn’t quite feel like it’s representing its types well. Also, nice job giving trap card art to a trap card.
@davriel-canes-tea-supplier - Hellion Demon
You did this for the pun and you know it. Demon straight out of hell...ion. I’d love to see what this guy would end up looking like (not gonna dock points for that or anything, just on my mind). So first, the templating. You don’t need to tell them to sacrifice a totla of X, since X is undefined at that point. You can just say “you may sacrifice any number of creatures. If you do, ~ gets +X/+X until end of turn and deals X damage to target creature you don’t control, where X is the total power of creatures sacrificed this way.” I also might suggest swapping it to a reflexive trigger, AKA swapping “if you do” with “when you do,” which means your opponent will be able to respond after knowing what you sacrificed. Right now, you could target one of their creatures on attacking, then they wouldn’t know what you’re sacing to do it until after they decide if they want to protect their creature. Then again, maybe that’s for the best, since it would also mean if they bounce their own creature in response, you don’t have to sacrifice anything because it wouldn’t do anything. And actually the trigger would be stifled anyway because it has no targets, which is awkward if you were planning to just use it as a pump. What I’m trying to say is that this card has an incredibly complex trigger with a lot of pieces going on. I think it might be worth it, though, because this is a cool effect. A mix between a fling and a nantuko shade effect. It’s a really cool concept, but it’s doing so much that it doesn’t do a great job at mimicking either, and in the end I just wish it had two different abilities that were linked or something easier to parse.
@Deg99 - Instant Trap
Okay, this is a silly card, and I’ll judge it as such. The blue = water is flavorfully pretty fun and funny, but color hate is always going to perform a little weird. But traps are famous for that! Usually, though, traps care about colors if they are built to be good against that color, and in this case, maybe? I don’t know if casting a free trap is particularly good against blue, so I’m firmly putting the trap text in trinket text land. The card itself does exactly what you’d expect. It tutors and plays a trap. Instantly. None of the traps in the game are super powerful, so you’re kind of avoiding the usual tutor issue of always searching for the same card / having exactly one tutor target that’s good. This is especially cool because the traps are by design extremely situational, so having this as a toolbox option is actually kind of useful. I think you’d usually end up getting needlebite trap, lavaball trap, or maybe mindbreak trap because it would be good in the matchup anyway. As a whole, this card is both kind of silly and kind of cool. I like it, but I wish there was some way to make this more interesting.
@demimonde-semigoddess - Droning Licid
Wait a second, did you just make licids make sense? Putting bestow on a licid makes it feel just like a licid. Turning drone into droning is pretty clever, though you got the types backwards on the typeline. Granting abilities not on the normal creature is something we saw just the barest amount of bestow cards back in OG Theros block. The eldraziness of it I wish was more relevant. I love the idea of using colorless as the alternate cost, since colorless is sort of treated like a bonus, not a given, especially in limited. But the two abilities need keywords. I played that block a lot, and even I kind of forgot what they did. It’s also weird that it grants devoid, but doesn’t have it itself. You could have even given it a colorless mana cost, since nothing it does is particularly black. Every ability on the card was in every color (yes, even devoid, you know what I mean). If this was a purely colorless card it’d be cool, but it’s fine in black. This card has a lot of things meant to make other things easier (enchantments for constellation, devoid for colorless matters, ingest for processing, bestow for heroic), so I’m super curious what set this would go in! But in a normal set, this is just a really weird card. I still think it’s neat, and again I’ll reiterate I’m happy you made a sensible licid, I’m just a little confused by its existence.
@dimestoretajic - Hag Fish
A hag fish is a real thing, and a hag that is a fish is what we have here. This card seems pretty powerful. It’s somewhere between a thallid and a tendershoot dryad and an ant queen. I wish the slime counters had some other use, like granting hexproof or unblockable or something. It would up the power level, which I don’t think this card needs, but it would make it feel more like it was slime on her rather than slime coming off of here. On a grander design level, I think this card requires a lot of paying attention for very little benefit. You get slime counters quickly enough you’ll rarely run out of them, but you will just often enough that you do. The tokens have evolve, which is a hard trigger to remember some times, especially on tokens that you might not have printed versions of. Plus, putting dice on tokens is also hard, since some players use dice for tokens. So while the card’s flavor and concept is pretty cool, I think it’s too complex for how simple it wants to be.
@fractured-infinity - Treasure Goblin
I’ve been told this is a reference, but sadly I don’t get it. Instead, I get golden goblins. The fail state on this card is still pretty good. A 2/1 haste for two mana ain’t nothing! And just using it as a bad skirk prospector can be useful too. I like the utility of it, too, in that once you are unable to attack with it as a 2/1, you can sacrifice it for mana to power out a flying dragon or something. This card isn’t super exciting, but it certainly gets the job done.
@gollumni - Gold Drake
Gold: the long lost parent of treasure. I didn’t even know that it had been errata'd to be its own artifact type. Anyway, the card itself is a reference to gilded drake. It even got hit by the card Gild! However, gilded drake is a super broken card! This is worse in the sense that it costs one extra mana and you ramp your opponent, but the artifact typing makes it easier to tutor and cheat into play, or to kill. Also, the way the last ability is phrased, I think you can sacrifice it to the gold ability and still get your opponent’s creature. If it said “exchange,” it wouldn’t, because exchanging needs both things in play. So this is a three mana permanent control magic that gives you one mana back immediately. I don’t think that was the intent.
@grornt - Skeleton Samurai
Now that is a skeleton samurai! It reanimates itself like a skeleton, it bushidos like a samurai. Three mana feels pretty good for it, since it fights as a 4/3. Now, normally, skeletons enter the battlefield tapped, but I understand not wanting to do that here. After all, it’s got bushido, blocking is a huge part of that! But the reason cards like this enter tapped is to stop you from blocking with it every turn and stonewalling your opponent. But how often is that? Well, this is where it gets tricky. Depending on the standard format, losing life on your own turn is either something you have to build around or effortless. In formats with shocklands, painlands, fetchlands, or even a single mana confluence, you’ll be casting this essentially for free. So assuming it’s in something like current standard, where it’s a little tough, maybe this guy is okay. I just worry about a 4/3 blocker that can’t be easily killed. But I guess that’s why you put it at rare, which was a good choice, but I think almost every player would be disappointed to find this creature as their rare. I do love the name and effects of this card as a pair, but I think it could lead to frustrating games.
@helloijustreadyourpost - Phyrexian Druid
This card has a lot of style and flair, but I’m a little cautious of it. A good comparison point for this card is Oasis Ritualist. Both can tap for one mana or two mana but at a higher cost. The mana cost and body are an important difference, and I think might balance each other out, as well as the fact that the phyrexian can only tap for green or green black. I do like that it implies that the set leans black, which feels right for return to new phyrexia. I’m having a little bit of difficulty judging power level: the life payment doesn’t really power down the card that much, but we’ve seen double ramp at 3 mana before, albeit never this versatile or at common. Still, maybe it’s fine in 2021 magic? After all, this is new phyrexia we’re talking about. Speaking of, I like how the life payment mimics phyrexian mana, and specifically phyrexian black mana. That’s a cool bonus for experienced players. I think this is a very well designed card, but I’d be very scared to print it unless I was certain there weren’t any green 6 drops at common that would be oppressive to the format when played on turn 3.
@hypexion - Skeleton Knight
Undead in white are something I wish we’d see more of. The idea of duty extending beyond life feels super white, but is only ever represented in spirits. But here we have a skeleton! I like the base body, and it does feel pretty skeletonny, though the knight aspect is a little weak. Vigilance is cool but at 1 toughness I don’t know how often it will be able to attack and still block. The reanimation clause is also a little funky, since it returns it to play on attacks, but doesn’t put it into play attacking as I’d expect. It’s also odd that it comes back tapped, though for gameplay reasons I understand. You don’t want to give players a creature that can block for free every turn. Templating-wise, I should also bring up that there needs to be and “if ~ is in your graveyard” between the words “knights” and “you may.” I’m using cards like Auntie’s Snitch and Master of Death for reference there. My final thoughts on the card is that it’s fine, but the two types don’t mesh as well together as I had hoped.
@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes - Spirit Shade
What a strange little creature. Shades are weird, because their signature ability is incredibly powerful and they need a pretty big downside to make them balanced. In your case, tying them to swamps is pretty clever! They already like swamps because of their heavy black costs, so this is a cool way to reinforce that. I still think this is pretty aggressive for a common, but I might be being a little too cautious. My bigger complaint is how awkwardly the sludge counters feel. This is a creature who’s already going to be tough to track since it’s constantly changing P/T, so having counters on it that change a bunch is a lot of complexity, especially at common. If there were also +1/+1 counters in this set, this card would be impossible to track in paper. I also think I would have preferred the name the other way around, but I’ll admit that’s a preference. I like this card in general, but I wish it were more player-friendly.
@loreholdlesbian - Sand Elemental
Sand is a creature type not a lot of people expected, but I have a friend with a Hazezon Tamar deck so I knew. It’s a really clever answer to the prompt, especially since you’re using the word “sand” as an adjective, but it is still also made out of sand! A colorless 3 mana 3/2 is good power level for a common I think, and the ability on it is tough enough to make work that it doesn’t push the card too hard. The fact that it’s asking you to pay 7 mana also means that, so long as you have at least a few deserts in your deck, you’re probably going to have one in play or in your graveyard. The graveyard clause fits the theme of other desert cards, but I don’t know if you’d need in a theoretical future set with deserts. Their inclusion in Amonkhet block was mostly so players wouldn’t feel bad for cycling their deserts in the early game. But hey, maybe that’s just what deserts are now! So as a whole I think this card is pretty well designed, if a bit bland, but it works well with the theme of the week and possibly the set it's in. Good work!
@morbidlyqueerious - Nightmare Spider
This card has a lot going on. The name feels okay. It’s a little odd, but it works in context. The ability feels creepy and scary, which is both a nightmare thing and a spider thing, but a spider without reach will always feel strange. As the for the ability, it needs a little work. There’s some strangeness with the revealing. It only really matters during a multiplayer game, otherwise just revealing every draw would be simpler and save some text, which I think this card needs. Second is the split payment: you lose 1 life, but you also pay two mana. One is optional, one isn’t, and one is 1 and one is 2. I could see this getting confusing to players. I could see swapping some things around to either make them all optional, all life, and/or all 2’s. Lastly, and this is the important one, this card isn’t fun. WotC is pretty solid on not wanting fateseal effects in the game. It makes what is already a frustrating part of the game (the variance of topdecking) into a more frustrating part. Because of the mana payment, is also means that both players will probably end up doing nothing on their turn. The fact that it can’t hit lands is actually kind of odd. Often that’s what you’ll be doing with this card anyway: forcing them to draw lands. I also sort of wish you would have swapped the P/T. I know spiders usually have higher toughnesses, but I’d like this card if it were easily killable but would end the game quickly if it really did take control of the game. Plus, the fact that you keep losing life regardless of if you pay the two means this kind of has a downside that would be more fitting on an aggro card. So while I think it fits the theme of the contest pretty well, and flavorfully it feels very nightmarish and spidery, I worry that it’s too complex and could lead to frustrating games.
@nicolbolas96 - Urza’s Fortification
This is… a weird one. So, you have made a land that can attach to other lands. I would be much more okay with that if it couldn’t still tap for mana. As is, it performs more like soulbond, since both things can still do the same stuff, they just get a little better. I’d also like it to turn off the original because the ability it’s granting is bonkers. Paying three mana to turn a land into a tolarian academy is an incredibly low cost. The land itself being an artifact also means you don’t even get the normal downside of tolarian academy not tapping for anything if you don’t have another artifact. You can even attach it to a land, tap that land for mana, then use some of that mana to tap another land. This means once you have four other artifacts, each of your lands tap for two mana or more. Being legendary and coming into play tapped isn’t enough of a downside for that. This would be strong even in a modern horizons set. I will say this: I do love the flavor. This really feels like an Urza’s land, which is not easy to do. The idea of a land that moves to other lands and is also a machine somehow feels cool and flavorful, too.
@nine-effing-hells - Constructed Cleric
Remember when they printed an artifact cleric in Guild of Ravnica and no one knows why? Well, here’s a robot cleric that feels more clericy. The name is a great fit, and I love the flavor of it. The twobrid mana symbols are a cool way to make it feel more artifacty, but I think they weren’t particularly necessary. No one is going to play this in a colorless deck, and splashing for it doesn’t seem worth the effort. The difference between 4 and 8 mana for the activated ability is huge. So yes, I think this card would see play almost exclusively in mono-white decks. And how is it there? Pretty good! Granting lifelink to your whole board every turn is very powerful, it makes it nearly impossible to race, but you do need at least a bit of a board. I think this is a solic card in a lot of decks, pretty well balanced, so far as I can tell, and the only real issue I have with it is how weird the twobrid is in it.
@pocketvikings - Hamster Advisor
What a pleasant little fellow. Not something I’d normally expect to see in MtG, but I’ll let it slide. I wish there were some flavor text explaining what he’s advising me on. Is he just telling me not to eat my food? So this card is very similar to the card Tajurur Preserver, what with being two green and preventing sac effects (primarily a counter to annihilator), but this guy has the upside of making a food but the downside of turning off your own food. I might suggest using that card’s templating or Angel of Jubilation’s templating. Maybe “You can’t sacrifice permanents or discard cards to activate abilities,” then on another ability the text from Tajurur preserver but with discard added on. It seems strange to see this card at uncommon, since it feels mostly like it’s protecting you from very specific effects that may or may not be in the format. It’s actually a pretty big downside in some decks, like turning off fetchlands, and of course if you’re playing this in a food deck you won’t want in play for long. That’s cool, and we’ve seen that on some black cards like Priest of the Blood Rite. I think this card feels out of place in a lot of formats and a lot of decks in particular, but I’m interested in the implications of it.
@partly-cloudy-partly-fuckoff - Aetherborn Angel
This is one I didn’t see coming, but not in abad way. This feels like a natural name, and immediately conjures an image in my mind. The fact that both angels and aetherborn are sort of non-natural creatures makes he combination feel fitting, but them being opposites of the color pie and origin intrigues me. The card? It feels alright. Artifact matters seems pretty aetherborn-y, though that’s mostly just because they're in Kaladesh. Counters feel pretty angelly, but that’s usually just because white has +1/+1 counter themes all the time and big white creatures are often angels. What I’m trying to say is that while this does feel like it’s an aetherborn angel, it doesn’t feel like it’s THE aetherborn angel. But I still think the card has a place in whatever set it’s for. It seems powerful, and I like that it’s usually the best place to put your counters, but has some utility, plus I’m sure there are ways to go infinite, but when you’re paying seven mana for it that seems fair. I love powerful commons because there’s nothing saying a common can’t be powerful, just not complex, and while this does add a little strategic complexity, it’s not gonna burn any brains. This is a well made card.
@reaperfromtheabyss - Goblin Knight
It sure is. This feels pretty right on the money, not just because the name feels real and the creature types fit well, but because the text on the card feels like how a goblin would be a knight. They aren’t particularly any better at fighting or better equipped, but it at least can scare some people or keep them at a distance. I very rarely ever say this but I think there was room for flavor text here. I’d like to know how this goblin got in this position, and what they’re doing to stop creatures from blocking. The cost also seems great, perfectly in between fervent cathar and voldaren duelist.
@shootingstarhunter - Island Turtle [the 0/4]
One of two island turtles this week. So it’s a 0 mana 0/4 (or U if you count coming into play tapped as paying a cost). I think with literally no other text, that would be a pretty cool card, if a touch strong. There’s also the issues with land creatures, which there are some weird rules for that mostly just annoys judges more than players. However, you decided to put on some… interesting text. It can turn another land into a creature, one with a little bit more power and toughness. That seems… okay? I think if it had just said something like “Adapt 1: sacrifice a land” it would be almost identical mechanically but far, far easier to understand. I think you made this card to fit a very specific idea you had in your head, but I think you needed to step back and look at the final card and see if there was some way to make it simpler, or if not, what that extra complexity would get you.
@snugz - Island Turtle [the 0/2]
Interesting. I like the simplicity of it on the surface. It’s just a Dryad Arbor but with a little more toughness, and it’s blue. A 0 mana 0/2 is on curve, I think, though I don’t know what kind of deck would want it. It doesn’t block anything but the smallest of creatures, which decks you’d need to block against probably aren’t playing. But it can chump, and doesn’t die to 1 damage from stuff like Chandra Pyromaster or Goblin Chainwhirler, so that’s something. The reminder text is appreciated, though the “isn’t a spell” feels less necessary considering the first line, but reminder text can be there anyway! The first line I feel like is trying to fix something, but most of the issues with land creatures are about integrating them into the comprehensive rules, which Dryad Arbor is already forcing WotC to do. But I guess it has it’s uses here and there. Rules aside, I think this card is fine. Like I said, I’m not sure what decks would want this, but it’s unique enough I think someone could find a use for it.
@starch255 - Enchantment Class Saga
Oh boy, what did I do to deserve this? First, the elephant in the room, no one at wizard’s would ever call this Enchantment Class Saga. Is it supposed to be the story of a class about enchantments? Mechanically I guess it’s at least tied to everything. I don’t think I have to tell you this is too complicated. This has more words on it than a pack of homelands. I also don’t know if it’s phrased right, because we don’t even have the comprehensive rules for classes out yet. Setting X to a certain number at the top of the card also may or may not work? We’ve yet to see a saga with a static effect like that. I also think just playing it and waiting till turn four to level it up gives you a crazy amount of advantage, digging 4 cards deep every turn if you have another saga, plus getting through those sagas even quicker. I’m having an extremely difficult time judging this one, but I can at least say it’s too complicated, and that’s enough to keep it out of the running.
@thedirtside - Treasured Clue
This is a really cute card, but I don’t think it quite hits the mark (pun intended?). One mana for a treasure is kind of weird. We saw a lot of people thinking like that for a while with golden goose, which generated a mana on turn one and rarely did anything else, but let you ramp out a three-drop on turn two, and doing this on a colorless card just feels kind of dangerous, especially because being common means you could crack two on turn three for a 5 drop two turns early. But I also like the combination of the two types, since if you don’t need the treasure then you probably need the card. Reminds me of the Horizon lands. The name is also really close, better than some this week, but feels kind of forced. I wish there were a little more you could do with this guy to make him worth tacking on an extra mana. As is, it’s just a little too swingy to be fun.
@wolkemesser - Orgg Hag
I actually had to double check to see that these were both existing creature types, but lo and behold, they were. And they’re both pretty thematic! Orggs are just like big 4 armed goblins, and hags are I guess like witches? But now witches are warlocks. Anyway, the card. I think it’s alright. Trample feels very Orgg, lifelink feels haggy, but that last ability just seems odd. Orgg itself had an ability that cared about size, and the sort of curse flavor of it feels haggy, but it just feels so out of nowhere. I feels like if you removed the white mana in the cost and the ability it would feel just as appropriate a card. Humility in general also has a lot of rules issues that don’t really make them worth it unless they are on big, swingy cards, which this isn’t quite. Still as a whole I think the card is perfectly fine, but a bit off for this week’s contest.
~
And that’s everybody! If you want to get a hold of me, you can contact me on the Discord. Thanks again for entering! Good luck next week!
-Mod Mr. ShinyObject
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Welcome to the World, Little One
This is a continuation of my “Life in the ER” series. To catch up on the series, you can click here. This is the story behind baby Kelly's birth.
Warnings include: cursing, hospital, needles, mentions of surgery, blood, pain, and the emergency room.
July 5, 2020 4:00pm
“Do you boys need anything before I take off for the afternoon?” Plums tossed a chart on the counter, giving Albert and Spot a glance, leaning against the counter, rubbing her heavily pregnant belly.
“Pizza, beer, cheetos, need I go on?” Spot raised an eyebrow, grinning at Plums.
She leaned over and swatted him, cursing her big belly for getting in the way. “Smartass. Do you need anything related to the job?”
“Nah I think we’re good.” Albert said with a grin. “When do you start maternity leave?”
Kat looked around the busy room, feeling comfortable with the constant beeping of monitors and the quiet murmurs of conversations around her. Looking between the two, she sighed. “Not soon enough. I’m working until this baby comes.”
“Have you figured out names yet?” Spot asked, knowing that was a hotly contested debate between Jack and Katherine.
Sighing, her eye caught the clock as she shook her head. “We’ve got middle names figured out but a list a mile long with first names. We figured we’d see them first before figuring out a first name.”
“Can we know? Are you telling people?” Albert leaned forward, full display of puppy dog eyes on display.
A commotion at the bay doors caught their attention as Kat grinned brightly. Jack walked over to where she stood, leaning over to kiss her before shaking hands with Spot and Albert. “Afternoon boys.”
“You’re not letting her drive, huh?” Spot asked, looking at his brother-in-law with a grin.
Kat sighed while Jack nodded. “He took away my driving privileges thus he is my chauffeur now.”
“So what was with the serious looks when I walked in?” Jack asked, mimicking his wife’s stance.
She grinned. “They were asking me if they could know the middle names we picked out.”
“I don’t care. Share if you want.” Jack shrugged as Spot and Albert both turned to Plums with their puppy dog eyes.
Kat smirked. “Charlotte and Robert and that’s all you’re getting from me. Ready, Jack? See you tomorrow boys.”
And with that, the two of them headed out of the hospital, leaving Spot and Albert grinning at the desk.
Soon there were several ambulances at the door, causing Spot and Albert to spring into action, busy for the rest of the afternoon.
8:00pm
Leaning back in his chair, Spot sighed loudly. He was eight hours into his 12 hour shift and the last four hours had been a nightmare with more gunshot wounds and a heart attack victim than a normal night. This was the first time he was able to sit down and catch his breath. Hearing his stomach growl, he looked over at Albert, who was sitting next to him charting.
“Wanna go grab some food? I’m starving.” Spot pushed back his chair and stood, not waiting for Albert to follow suit.
The two headed towards the cafe, each lost in their own thoughts. They broke off, each getting their own food before meeting up at the table. “I feel like I haven’t even gotten to talk to you today - why does the day after fourth bring all the crazies out?”
“Because people think they’re suddenly smarter after drinking and partying and celebrating the birth of this country!” Albert explained dryly as he savored his mac and cheese.
Pointing his spoon at Albert, he didn’t get to say what he was thinking as Michelle, another nurse in the ER, skidded to a stop in front of their table. “Plums was just brought in. She’s in labor.”
Pushing back from the table, Spot and Albert both stood, quickly throwing their trash away before following Michelle back down to the Emergency Room. Spot took a deep breath before pushing through the doors, not knowing what was waiting for them on the other side.
“Spot, Albert, Plums is in Bay 3 getting checked out.” Romeo pointed out. Spot gave Albert a nod before heading in that direction.
Ducking through the curtains, he smiled seeing Jack and Plums along with several doctors and nurses around her. “Spot!”
Jack’s head quickly turned to him as Plums yelled out, holding out the hand that Jack wasn’t holding. He quickly was at her side, leaning over and kissing her already sweaty forehead. “Hi Spottie. Michelle said you were down at the cafe.”
“Yeah . . . it was the first time Al and I could get away to eat something.” Spot said, reaching over to clasp Jack’s hand with a grin. “But I hear we’re on baby watch now.”
Plums sighed, squeezing both his and Jack’s hands as a contraction hit. “That’s what they tell me.”
Jack pressed a kiss to her forehead before looking over at Spot. “Can you call Medda, Race, and Smalls and let them know?”
“Do you want them to come down?” Spot asked, raising an eyebrow at them. “Do you want me to call your parents?”
Jack looked at Kat with a grin before quickly nodding. “Tell them they can come down. I’ll call my parents later - you guys don’t need to be dealing with them. Are we heading upstairs?”
Spot looked over his shoulder at Dr. Smith, grinning at them. “We will be moving you upstairs shortly. We’re going to do a quick exam to see where you’re at then we’ll get you upstairs. Do either of you need anything?”
“Ice chips and an epidural.” Kat grinned, raising her eyebrows at her colleague.
“Slow your roll, Plums.” She grinned. “I’ll get your ice chips but let’s see how far along you are before I order an epidural.”
Spot chuckled at Plums expression before pointing out in the hallway. “I’ll just go make those phone calls.”
He quickly made the phone calls to Smalls and Medda before dialing Race’s number. “Spot, hey what’s up?”
“You need to get down to the hospital. Kat and Jack are in and Kat’s in labor.” Spot said, walking over to the nurse’s station and taking a seat.
“Did you call momma and Smalls?” Race asked.
Spot smiled. “Yeah, I called them first. Just make sure you get here quickly - I don’t have any details yet. Just that they’re in the ER, probably being moved upstairs.”
“I’m on my way. Do you need anything?” Race asked as Spot paused.
Spot watched Dr. Smith make her way out of Plums’ room. “Can you bring me a change of clothes? Sweatpants, hoodie, and tennis shoes. Might want to bring a deck of cards or a board game. I have a feeling we’re in for a long night.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a bit, Spottie. Love you.” Race said as Spot echoed the words back to him.
Walking back to room, Spot entered Plums room with a grin. “Race, Smalls, and Medda are all on their way - I told them they’d be moving you upstairs.”
“I’m 6 cms along and they’re going to be moving me upstairs in the next few minutes.” Kat grinned.
“That’s good to hear.” Spot grinned. “I’m going to go make some rounds but I’ll send the crew up when they get here.”
Kat looked at him, reaching over to grab his hand. “You’ll be up there?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Spot promised, squeezing her hand and grinning before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Do you need anything?”
Holding up her cup of ice chips, she grinned. “I’m all set. Go see your patients and we’ll see you upstairs.”
“Love you too Plums.” Spot grinned, blowing her a kiss before walking out of the room.
Stopping at the nurses’ station, he grabbed two charts, flipping through them as Albert gave him a long look. “Everything okay with Plums?”
“She’s six cms dilated and they’re about to move her upstairs. But Race, Smalls, and Medda are on their way so can you keep an eye out for them?” Spot asked as he grinned.
Albert nodded. “Let me know where they move Plums and I’ll send them up.”
“Sounds good.” Spot smiled before heading towards the hub of the ER to make his rounds.
Thirty minutes later, after catching his replacement up with what was going on in the department, he was back sitting at the nurses’ station, taking a moment to himself. “You okay?”
Looking up at Albert, Spot nodded. “Just taking a moment to myself. Didn’t think this night would go this way.”
“Plums got moved up to maternity, room 1184.” Albert smiled, clicking a few things on the computer. “I sent Race, Smalls, and Medda up about twenty minutes ago. Race asked about you.”
Spot grinned. “Of course he did. Alyssa’s here so I’m heading up. Did you let Finch know?”
“Not yet but now that I have a moment to breathe, I’m going to text him.” Albert held up his phone, giving Spot a grin. “We’ll both be up when I’m off work.”
Spot grinned. “From what Race texted, they’ve got us in a private waiting room. It looks like they want to keep the noise levels down.”
“Thanks, Spottie. I’ll be up there soon.” Albert promised, looking up from typing on his phone.
Spot slapped the countertop before making his way over to the elevator before pressing the up button. He texted Race that he was on his way up. Watching the elevator open up, he quickly entered before pressing the 11th floor button.
Soon he was walking off the elevator, looking for the waiting room where his family was. A nurse grinned at him. “Well lookie what the cat drug in? Mister I don’t do babies.”
“Haha, Alicia. It’s good to see you too.” Spot grinned. “Where’s Plums’ family?”
She pointed down the hallway. “We put them in the private room, just down there. Plums is in 1184. I take it you’ll be heading to the waiting room before going to her room?”
“You got it in one.” Spot grinned. “It’s good to see you Alicia. You should come back down to the ER every once in a while.”
She laughed. “And why would I do that? It’s nice and quiet up here.”
A yell came from one of the rooms as Spot raised an eyebrow in her direction with a smirk. “Sure.”
He waved at her before walking down the hallway to the private waiting room. He pushed open the door, peeking his head in. He grinned walking into the room, letting the door close gently behind him. Medda looked up, a grin crossing her face. “We were wondering when you’d get here.”
“Sorry momma, had to wait until my cover got here so I could get her up to speed.” Spot smiled, letting himself get pulled into a hug. Smalls quickly pulled him into a hug before Race hugged him before placing a kiss on his lips.
“Have you checked in on Jack and Kat?” Race asked, bouncing on his toes, eager for news.
Spot shook his head. “Not yet. I thought I’d check in with you guys before going to see them. Do you guys need anything?”
“No, I think we’re good. The nurse has been in here a couple of times checking up on us.” Race grinned. “Why don’t you go check up on them and let us know what’s going on?”
Spot kissed Race once more before leaving the room. He walked down the hallway before pausing in front of the room. He sighed, before walking into the frenzy of the room. He hung back, watching the nurse and the doctor look at the sonogram machine as they ran the doppler across Kat’s stomach. “Katherine, we need to prep you for emergency surgery - you have a Prolapsed umbilical cord and right now we need to get you down to surgery to save both you and the baby.”
With that, the room came alive and soon Katherine’s bed was on the move as Spot and Jack ran behind him. “What’s going on? What’s happening to my wife?”
“Spot, Jack.” Kat cried as they pushed the bed through double doors.
The nurse put her hand up, stopping both men in their path. “You can’t come in here. You’ll have to wait out here.”
Jack watched the nurse walk through the double doors as he carted his hand through his hair, turning to look at Spot, pain, worry, and frustration across his face. “Spottie . . . what’s wrong? What’s happening? Is our child going to be okay?”
Spot pulled Jack into a hug, letting his brother-in-law collapse into tears. “Shhh, Jack. She’s going to be okay.”
“And the baby?” Jack asked, looking up at him with worry in his eyes.
“Do you want it straight?” Spot sighed, leading him over to a set of chairs, looking at Jack dead in the eyes.
Jack collapsed into one before looking at the ground, nodding. “Yeah.”
“Katherine had something called a prolapsed umbilical cord, which is when the umbilical cord drops through her cervix into the vagina ahead of the baby.” Spot sighed. “It can be dangerous for the baby and that’s why the emergency surgery is necessary.”
Jack sighed, throwing his head back against the wall. “Can you go in there with her? I don’t want her to be alone.”
“I will try.” Spot said, pulling out his phone and shooting off a text to Albert and Race, letting them know where Jack was. “Let me see if they’ll let me in there but you have to stay out here.”
Jack nodded, as another round of tears fell down his face, worry evident across his face.
Spot glanced behind Jack at the closed doors before giving him a hug, slapping his hand to his shoulder before walking through the doors. He quickly scrubbed in, throwing on a surgical mask, before looking in the big bay window. “Spot, you can come in.”
He walked into the room and grinned behind his mask at Dr. Smith. “Thank you. I know this is unusual but . . .”
“I figured you’d weasel yourself into this room.” She nodded to him. “Stay up by her head - reassure her and soon we’ll have a baby party.”
Taking a seat on the stool, he reached over and kissed Kat’s forehead. “How are you doing, Plums?”
“Ready to have a baby.” She grinned, looking over at him, worried evident in her eyes. “How’s Jack?”
Spot sighed. “He’s out in the hallway. The family is on their way down to be with him. He’s kinda freakin’ out, Kat. But I told him everything will be alright.”
“Thanks, Spot.” Kat grinned, eyes bright. “Thank you for being there for both of us.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be. Now what do you think you’re having? Final bets.” Spot smirked, as she laughed.
“Jack thinks boy but I think a girl.” Kat sighed, wishing it was all over so she could see her husband and baby. “What do you and Race think?”
Spot laced his fingers with hers giving them a squeeze. “I think girl but Race can’t make up his damn mind and keeps changing. Yesterday was a girl but today was a boy. I think he’s just ecstatic that he’s going to be an uncle and doesn’t really care.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me. I’d be happy with either.” Kat smiled. “I just can’t wait to hold them.”
Spot pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’ll do that in a few minutes.”
True to his word, while gripping her hand, a cry rang out through the surgical room. “Congratulations, Katherine, you have a healthy, beautiful baby.”
Kat looked at him with tears. “Will you go make sure they’re safe and healthy?”
Nodding, Spot stood walking over to the bassinet as they weighed the wrinkly mess of a baby. It was the sweetest sight Spot had ever seen. Just as he turned to tell Kat the gender, monitors started blaring. “We’re losing her.”
Spot abandoned the baby, sitting next to Katherine, leaning close to her ear, his heart pounding rapidly. “Dammit Plums, you better pull through. Jack and your baby need you!”
The next few seconds were tense as the team worked on her. Spot whispered a prayer under his breath as he held tight to her hand, squeezing it every few seconds. Finally the monitors stopped blaring and a collective sigh sounded through the OR. “Get a few bags of O+ blood and get them hanging. She’s good for now but not out of the woods.”
Spot looked over at Dr Smith as she took off her mask. “Spot do you want to introduce this peanut to the family? We’re going to get her down to recovery.”
Unable to speak, he pressed a kiss to Kat’s head, promising he’d be back before standing. Clearing his throat, he looked up at the team. “What are the baby’s stats?”
“Seven pounds, eight ounces, 22 inches long, born at 10:15pm on July 5.” Dr. Smith smiled, handing over a blanket wrapped baby with a blue and pink striped hat on its head.
The team quickly moved Kat into the recovery room. Dr Smith hung back, giving Spot a look. “Once you tell the family, bring the baby and Jack back to recovery.”
He nodded as he pushed through the door of the OR, before walking down the hallway, precious cargo in his arms. “Now baby there’s a lot of people waiting on meet you, but your daddy especially.”
He pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead before pushing through the double doors, eyes searching for Jack. Race caught his eye first, as he reached over and nudged his brother. “Jack, look.”
If the situation wasn’t so tense, Spot would’ve laughed at how hard and fast Jack’s head snapped up. He staggered to his feet as Race steadied him as they made their way over to Spot with Medda, Smalls, Albert and Finch behind them. “How is she?”
“First things first, Jack, I’d like to introduce you to your daughter. She was born at 10:15pm and she’s 7lbs, 8oz and 22 inches long. She’s got your lungs.” Spot said as Jack peered into his arms and a smile crossed his lips.
The group crowded around Spot to look at the precious baby in his arms. “She’s precious and adorable.”
“C-can I hold her?” Jack asked, clearing his throat. Spot would’ve laughed but it got strangled in his throat.
Nodding, Spot steered him over to the chairs. “Sit down first - it looks like you’re going to fall over.”
Once he was situated, Spot placed the baby in her father’s arms with a grin. “There you go - you look good with a baby, Jackie.”
Jack ran his finger over her hands and face before looking up at Spot. “Thanks. How’s Kat?”
Spot sighed, the weight of the situation catching up to him. “She lost a lot of blood but they’re giving her a transfusion. We’re just waiting on her to wake up. When you’re ready, I’ll take you both back to recovery.”
“But she’s going to be okay, right? I can’t lose her.” Panic was evident in Jack’s voice as he looked at Spot.
Spot bit his lip. “I’m not going to lie - she’s got a tough few days ahead of her but if anyone can pull through, it’s Plums. You have to believe in that Jack. She’s strong and she’ll be yelling at you soon enough.”
Nodding his head, he looked at his daughter before looking over at Medda. “Momma, wanna hold your granddaughter?”
Medda laughed, holding out her hands as Jack expertly transferred the baby out of his and into hers. As soon as Medda had her, Jack pulled Spot into a hug, tears and worry melting away as the two embraced. Spot rubbed Jack’s back as the last two hours frustrations, worries, and scariness came pouring out in tears. Soon Race and Albert embraced the two of them, causing Spot to join in the tears.
Soon Spot tried to step back, wiping his eyes as he looked at Jack. “You okay?”
“Yea.” Jack sniffles, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. “Thanks.”
Spot grinned. “Anytime. Do you have a name for your daughter?”
“Kat and I had it narrowed down to two. Can we wait until she’s awake?” Jack bit his lip, worry stretched across his face.
Spot nodded. “Of course. I’ll let Dr Smith know. Do you want me to take you back to Kat?”
“In a few minutes. Your husband is getting antsy about holding her.” Jack smirked, watching Race bounce beside Medda. “I’ll grab her if you want to settle Race.”
“Give me the hard job? I see how it is.” Spot complained before looking at his husband. “Race come ‘ere.”
Race left Medda’s side before joining his husband. “Spottie, our niece is freaking adorable. Can we have one?”
“Slow your roll, Race. One step at a time.” Spot gave him a look. “Come sit down beside me.”
Race obliged, immediately lacing his fingers with Spot. “I’m so proud of you - have I told you that lately?”
Spot looked at Race, who’s eyes flowed with sincerity and love. “You haven’t said that lately but what brought this on?”
“Just seeing you walk out here confidently and holding everything together, even though I’m sure you wanted to curl up on the couch and cry your eyes out from exhaustion and fear.” Race leaned over and kissed him. “I love you and am so proud of you for being there for Kat, Jack and our niece.”
Spot swiped at his eyes as additional tears fell down his cheek. “Damn you Racetrack. Making me cry but I love you too.”
“Sap.” Race chided, before leaning over and kissing him. “Now what’s the plan?”
Spot sighed, lowering his voice as he watched Smalls hold the baby. “I’ve got to take the baby and Jack back to recovery then we’ll see what Jack wants to do. He’ll probably want to stay the night so we might need to go get him some clothes and anything else he may need.”
“Do you want to change before you go back?” Race asked, motioning to the duffle bag that was shoved under the chair.
Biting his lip, Spot shook his head. “Eventually, yes but I’m letting Jack dictate what he wants us to do. I think as soon as he sees Kat, it’s going to come crashing down on him. She’s going to be moved to a room in about an hour so you guys will be able to visit.”
“Momma and Smalls said something about going home but Albert and Finch will stick around. I’ll be around for as long as you are.” Race laced their fingers together as Spot gave him a small smile. “Jack needs to call her parents.”
Sighing, Race shook his head. “Is he gonna be up for that?”
“Who knows. Maybe momma will do it.” Spot suggested, knowing Medda had the patience of a saint.
Soon Jack had made his way over to where they sat, baby girl in his arms. “Baby girl, these are your uncles. You already met your Uncle Spottie but this is your Uncle Race and he’s going to spoil you rotten.”
Spot grinned, watching Jack expertly pass the sleeping baby to his brother. Race went still as he adjusted the baby in his arms. “Breathe Racer. We don’t need you passing out. She’s asleep and not looking to wake up anytime soon.”
“Look at your doling out the dad advice already.” Spot smirked as Jack collapsed into a chair beside him. “You need to call Kat’s parents.”
“Momma said she would do it as soon as you came up with an update.” Jack said, sighing while running a hand over his face. “She’s going to be okay, right Spot?”
Spot nudged him with a small smile. “She lost a lot of blood during the c-section so her body is in shock. Once everything regulates she should be awake and fine. She’s tough. Do you want to go back and see her?”
“You’ll stay?” Jack asked, a subtle pleading in his eyes.
Spot nodded. “Race and I aren’t going anywhere. We’ll hang around as long as you want us to. Finch and Albert might as well.”
“Let me see if I can wrestle my daughter back from Race and we can go check up on her mom.” Jack said pushing himself up from the chair before standing in front of Race. “Time’s up Race.”
Looking up from whispering with the baby, Race groaned. “I’m not done telling her all of the secrets.”
“You’ll have the next 18 years to do that.” Jack rolled his eyes, a chuckle escaping his mouth. “Hand her over.”
Spot watched Jack take back the baby before going over to talk to Medda and Smalls as Albert and Finch ventured over to Race and Spot. “What’s the plan?”
“I’m going to take him back to Kat. Race and I are hanging around until he kicks us out.” Spot shrugged.
Jack stopped at the group. “Momma and Smalls are heading out - Finch, Albert don’t hang out, go home. Come back tomorrow. We’re just hanging out until Kat wakes.”
“Will you text us updates?” Albert asked, looking between Spot and Jack.
Nodding, Jack smiled. “Absolutely. Thank you both for being here.”
“As if we’d be anywhere else.” Finch shook his head, pulling Jack and the baby into a gentle hug before Albert did the same. “Let us know if you need anything. You can only eat so much hospital food.”
Nodding, Jack smiled, watching them walk down the hallway before turning to Spot and Race. “Can Race come back with us?”
Nodding, Spot watched Race pick up the duffle bag before motioning them to follow him. Tapping the badge reader with his badge, the door opened and he led them down a hallway before stopping at the desk. “Hey Alicia, have they moved Plums yet or is she still in recovery?”
“They’re getting ready to move her. I don’t know if she has a room number yet.” Alicia said, clicking a few keys on the keyboard. “Looks like she’ll be in her original room - 1184.”
“Thanks Alicia. Will you let Smith know we’re heading that way?” Spot grinned.
Walking down the hallway, he looked at his watch and yawned loudly. He looked at Jack and Race. “You’re the only four people that I’d be up this late for.”
Jack and Race laughed as Spot stopped in front of Kat’s door. “Do you want us to go in?”
Jack nodded, adjusting the baby in his arms. Spot pushed open the door as a nurse gave him a bright smile. “Spottie it’s good to see you.”
“Hey Helen, this is Kat’s husband Jack and brother-in-law, Race. How’s our girl doing?” He asked, eyes on the monitor she was hooked to.
The nurse fiddled with something before giving the men a smile. “All her stats are good. We just need her to wake up. Do you guys need anything? Food, drinks?”
Spot looked at Jack and Race, both who’s eyes were glued to Kat. “I think we’re good now but I’ll let you know if that changes. But could you bring some formula, little miss is going to need to eat soon.”
She nodded and without another word, she left the room, only to return a few minutes later with the premade bottle. Spot grinned at her as she left them alone. “Jack, Spot, take a seat. We’ll be here for a while. Do you want me to take her?”
Jack handed the baby to Spot before collapsing into a chair next to Kat’s bed grabbing her hand, before whispering to her.
Spot sat down, cradling the baby as he got Race’s attention. “Race, go sleep on the couch. You look like you’re gonna collapse.”
“What about you?” Race looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m a master of sleeping in chairs.” Spot grinned. “I promise I’ll wake you if anything should happen but Jack’s gonna crash within an hour. Little miss and I will hang out while everyone sleeps.”
Race flopped on the couch. “You need to sleep too, Spottie. Are you working tomorrow?”
“Nope, I'm not scheduled again until the 8th. Go to sleep Racer. I’m going to put a little girl in the bassinet and go change.” Spot stood, did that before escaping to the little bathroom to change.
Opening the door, he surveyed the room. Light snores were escaping Race’s mouth as he slept on the couch while Jack was slumped over the bed, clutching Kat’s hand while he slept. Checking on the baby, he smiled seeing her puckered lips as she snoozed. Settling himself in the chair, he scooted himself down so the back of his head rested on the back of the chair and let his eyes close, the comforting beeping rocking him to sleep.
Hours Later
Cracking open an eye, he heard something shift in the room. Letting his feet drop from where they were propped up on the bed, he quickly stretched, groaning as his muscles loosened from the awkward position they were stuck in. His eyes quickly moved around the room. His niece, husband, and brother-in-law were all sound asleep. The door was still shut so it couldn’t have been a nurse. Looking up at bed, he grinned seeing movement.
Pushing himself off the chair, he walked to the other side of the bed and grinned at Kat. “Welcome back. How do you feel?”
Her eyes fluttered open as she took in her surroundings. “Sore. What happened?”
“You lost a lot of blood, they had to give you a blood transfusion. We were just waiting for you to wake up.” Spot grabbed her other hand, giving it a squeeze.
Her eyes flew up to him. “And the baby?”
“Sound asleep, like her daddy and uncle.” Spot grinned. “Sorry, these two are making all kinds of racket.”
She smiled, reaching over running her hand through Jack’s hair. “It’s fine. How worried were they?”
“They were pretty worried. I didn’t find out until afterward since I was with you.” He grinned. “Do you want to see your little girl?”
Her eyes lit up and she nodded. Spot quickly adjusted her bed before walking over to the bassinet and picking up the little girl, who stretched before settling down. “Here you go, mommy Kat, your little girl.”
Once Kat and the baby were settled, Spot walked around the bed to rouse Jack. Crouching down, he put a hand on Jack’s back before rubbing it gently. “Jack, hey Jack.”
Groaning, Jack lifted his head to look at Spot. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Kat’s awake.” Spot whispered as Jack’s head flew up and looked at his wife and daughter.
Stepping back, he let the three of them have a moment while he went to rouse Race. He crouched beside Race’s head, running his hand through his hair. Race hummed before a groan was released from his lips. “Spottie, stop.”
“Hey, hey. Kat’s awake.” Spot murmured while looking between Race and the new family on the bed. “She just woke up and is meeting her daughter.”
Race’s eyes popped open, looking between his husband and the bed. “She okay?”
“She said she’s sore but other than that she’s fine.” Spot grinned. “I should go let them know but I’ll be right back.”
Pushing himself into a stand, he grinned at Kat and Jack before motioning to the door. “Hey Spot?”
“Yeah Kat?” He paused in his step with a grin.
“Thank you for everything.” She gave him a look as he nodded. “Jack was just telling me everything.”
Redirecting his steps, he headed to the bed, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Anytime, I know you would’ve done the absolute same for Race and me. I’m going to let the desk know you’re awake. Do you need anything?”
“Coffee?” Kat grinned as Spot shook his head.
“I’ll check but I’m guessing you already know the answer to that one.” He gave her a look as Jack and Race both laughed. “But I’ll get you three some.”
Quickly letting the desk know that she was awake, he returned to the room with four coffees before collapsing into a chair with a sigh. “So I’m very happy that you’re awake, but I’ve got to know. What’s our girl’s name?”
“So Jack and I decided we were going to wait until the baby was born before actually deciding on a name as we had it narrowed down to two.” Kat grinned, looking up at her husband. “So, Jack are we going with A or M?”
Jack looked at his daughter with a smirk. “You know I always leaned towards A so I’m voting for that name.”
“Uncle Spot and Uncle Race, may I introduce you to Adelin Charlotte Kelly, Addie for short.” Kat looked between her daughter and the three most important men in her life. “What do you think?”
Race grinned. “It’s perfect. A perfect name for a perfect little girl.”
Jack leaned over, first pressing a kiss to his wife’s forehead before dropping one on his daughter’s cheek. “Welcome to the world, Adelin Kelly.”
This is 5500 words of pure love and written over the last few weeks. Feedback would be much appreciated and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
#Newsies#Newsies Fan Fiction#writing#Life in the ER Newsies Series#Newsies Drabble#Jack Kelly#Katherine Kelly#Spot Conlon#Racetrack Higgins#Katherine is a PA#Spot and Albert are nurses#Baby Kelly Arrives
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I HAD A FUCKING EXPLOSION THE OTHER DAY—
So if you follow me you know that sometimes I make Royal Chaos content. If you’re also a history geek like me you’d know that most of the heroes from RC if not all are based off of real people.
Six out of eight of the most beautiful people of Chinese history are in the game, being Pan’An, Song Yu, Prince Gao, who is also known as Lanling Wang for the men, and Diaochan, Zhaojun, and Yuhuan for the women.
The other two are missing: Wei Jie and Xi Shi.
But good news for you all because after some digging I found them. And they are SO CUTE! We need to make a petition for RC to put these characters into the game! I can DEFINITELY see the four most beautiful men and women having a connection with one another, like little hubs! 😫 But I know what you’re thinking now, maybe some of you. Royal Chaos shouldn’t take from other games! Oh, but my dearest reader, you do know that some of Royal Chaos’s characters are in different games too, right? It wouldn’t be “taking from,” now if they just stole the concept than yes it would be. It’s not like Sega took Mario and co for the Olympic Games, and Vice versa. It’s kind of like that in a sense. ☺️
So, with no further adieu, I bring to you...
✨Headcanons on what class they’d be in and what they can do, as well as background information!✨
Disclaimer: I’m terribly sorry if I spell any of this wrong, Chinese is not my first language and it’s hard to spell out in English. Also, tw // war and suicide mentions, as well as descriptions of murder and violence, just in case...
This is Xi Shi.
Her clothes actually remind me a lot of Diaochan’s with the colors, as well as the moon in the back, as per history, Diaochan was so beautiful the moon would shy away when being compared to her. Xi Shi on the other hand, was believed to be so beautiful that when fish would see her as they swam by, they would forget how to swim and sink to the bottom of whatever body of water they were swimming in. (Beauty can really kill huh?) Out of the four most beautiful women in ancient China, she was considered to be the first.
Her Background and Biography
Xi Shi was born in 506 BC on the nineteenth of July in China’s Zhejiang Province in a small village called Xi Cun, or “West Village.” Because a lot of people that lived there had “Shi” as a last name, and because she was born in the west, she was referred to as Xi Shi. She was born into a pretty ordinary household. Her father sold firewood for a living and her mother did silkwork. Ever since she was little, she would go out to this river to wash the silk that her mother had made. She lived during the Spring and Autumn Period, and within that time, China wasn’t a “whole country,” it was made up of several kingdoms fighting against each other. Xi Shi is from the state of Yue, which had been vanquished by the state of Wu. After that the Emperor of Yue, Gou Jian, was forced to serve the Emperor of Wu, Fu Chai, for three years. Gou Jian then thought of a plan to defeat the Wu State and take power back. He knew that the Fu Chai was a sucker for pretty women, and he also knew that if Fu Chai was surrounded with beautiful women, he would be too distracted to work for his state. But for this plan to work, Gou Jian needed to find a woman that had stunning beauty that was willing to sacrifice herself for the better of the country. Gou Jian found Xi Shi and he picked her. He then asked his minister, Fan Li, to take Xi Shi to Fu Chai as a tribute gift from Yue. On the way however, she fell in love with him, as he was wise and kind. He reciprocated her feelings in turn. Now, they could have escaped this plan and thwarted it but they were both loyal to their country. So, they made a pledge of their undying love for one another in secret. When she was brought before Fu Chai, he was indeed entranced by her, spending more and more time with her, neglecting his duties. After some time, he realized that he should not have been bewitched by her, as the Yue Stare had become more powerful due to his neglectful behavior. Gou Jian had invaded the state of Wu and forced Fu Chai to commit suicide. When this happened, Xi Shi’s mission was complete. The ending that I choose to believe is that she reunited with Fan Li and she lived on with him after he quit his job as a minister. The other ending is really grim...
Her Class and Quality
Xi Shi could definitely be a scholar, an AOE especially. I can imagine that she could do something similar to that of Diaochan, despite her being a medic. She could impact the opposing formations’ abilities to put damage on the formation shes defending using a debuff, much like Daji can do. I can see her being a Defense Hero and possibly having strength in Control for all these reasons, as well as real history, helping her state in the face of despair. She could be considered as a fabled hero, but could also be an epic hero considering the bloat of the fabled class making up mostly half of the hero cast as a whole.
Her Possible Abilities
Chant of Heroism
She can attack anywhere from 4 to 8 times descending on CRIT, dealing 60%+164 DMG to a random front enemy with each hit, lasting one round. Until three layers are tagged, the enemy will lose anywhere from 15 to 25 HP, decreasing DEF by 4%.
Promising Honor
50:50 chance of tagging a back or front target. Allies then force attention to the front if the tag is in the back, dealing 5% more damage. This tag cannot be dispelled for two rounds.
Her Preferred Gems and Treasure
Gems: DEF, ATK, ACC
Treasure: Primarily something with a DEF bonus, so the lamps, each one activating her Destiny ability. However, any other treasure that offers an ATK or RES bonus is also good.
Her Occupation
I can imagine her working in the Ministry of Defense as a General, much like Wen Ruyan. For her other occupation, she could be a poet of some kind, probably a primary or mid poet, something like that, or she could be a primary chess sage.
Hero Compatibility
She could work with other scholars that can do some damage, namely Song Yu and Ying Zheng. She could also work with medics depending on their skill set. Diaochan would be a prime choice.
~~~~
The guy on the right is Wei Jie.
Look at that cat! (´⊙ω⊙`) But for real, this poor guy. He reminds me of the “gentle giant” archetype. Not just because of his looks, no, he’s actually ill with some kind of disease. (I have a head canon that it’s AIDS/HIV, but I don’t have a lot of evidence to support that right now. All I know is that his immune system is very weak to infection and he has respiratory problems and it’s just that he’s very weak overall...) Despite his health however, he’s actually compared to Jade, being like a jade doll. Jade is very valuable in China and is considered to be a very precious stone, especially in the eyes of aristocrats and royalty. Out of the four most handsome men in ancient China, he was considered as the fourth.
His Background and Biography
(I had to use multiple resources for this, I couldn’t find a lot of information on him, so I had to get creative. Sorry!)
Wei Jie, like Pan’An, also lived during the Xi Jin (Western Jin) Dynasty. He was born into a very wealthy household, and was recognized for his beauty alone at the age of five. His uncle, who also had extraordinary good looks, said that walking with his nephew was like “having a gleaming pearl at my side.” He had fans from far and wide, causing chaos and the forming of something along the lines of a twisted harem to form under his shadow. When Wei Jie grew up, this only got worse. Hoards of women would literally block the streets and chase after him because they all wanted him so badly, which this caused a lot of backlash onto his family. Because his family was aristocratic, they had to keep a sensible reputation. People were jealous of the Wei family because of the immense wealth and beauty that they all possessed. Luckily, Wei Jie couldn’t go out that often, as he doesn’t have a strong body, and has been ill since his infancy. He wasn’t allowed to go out during his childhood because of the fear that whatever ailment he had could spread. Because of this belief and the immense jealousy that others had, most of his family, with the exception of his father, fifth uncle, and cousin, were all murdered quite brutally. This lead him to be the young master of the Wei Manor. This pattern of not going out a lot and things continued on for some time. He would go out on occasion if he really needed something, and he didn’t necessarily like all the attention he brought to himself unknowingly. He grew easily overwhelmed by it and constantly sought to get away from the large groups of people that swarmed him. This anxiety and stress of attention exhausted him, and he actually passed from all that exhaustion. He was “watched to death,” as people said. Poor guy... he just wanted to be alone... let us introverts be!
His Class and Quality
Oh, he’s a medic, for sure. I know also that he was an imperial physician in the game I found him from, but he only worked on commission, if that makes sense, like if people actually wanted to be treated by him. He would kind of be like a better version of Shizhen. Very agile and quick, but also the more you get to him, his attack rate can slowly increase. I can see him being some kind of control hero. Back Support too, that would make sense. So control + support. He would be in Fabled Class, definitely. Props to him!
His Possible Abilities
Jade Solstice
Chanting a medical spell from his calabash gourd, he can stun a front line enemy for one round, lowering 20 rage. If a critical is achieved, they will turn chaotic and attack other members of their formation for one round, taking away 15% of the enemies overall DEF and then giving it to his other formation members.
Internal Grace
Shielding himself using the gourd’s energy, he gains 10% RES. Any rage prompted attack he makes will grant him 2% more ATK bonus points for one round, increasing the formation’s overall CRIT by 10%. This can be layered twice and cannot be dispelled or immune to.
His Preferred Gems and Treasure
Gems: HP, CRIT, ATK
Treasure: To increase damage while keeping DEF, use the stamps. However, any CRIT or ATK bonus treasure is good too, just as long as it buffs his accuracy as well!
His Occupation
This is where it got tricky. I would assume he would work alongside Pan’An in the Ministry of Rites where they would compose poems together. It’s just that since he can’t actually go out too much that’s where it gets a little complicated. He could probably act as some kind of moderator or something along those lines, something where he wouldn’t have to deal with people that much.
Hero Compatibility
He would need strong tanks to help him out. Prince Gao, Prince Jing, or even Xiang Yu would be good for him. He would also want heroes that would boost his abilities even more, gotta have that support, you know? Wu Zetian, Yuhuan, or Pan’An would be good choices.
~~~~
Now for the final part...
✨Connections✨
Xi Shi
I think they’re’s already a connection that has Zhaojun, Diaochan, and Yuhuan in it. I would take that and add Xi Shi into the connection, but also bring her attributes to the table, in summary. What I mean by that is take her attributes and summarize them into one. So her strongest asset would be the fact that she could be an AOE with a control bonus. She could add ACC and DEF to the table to help with your formation if activated.
Wei Jie
Just like the ladies, I know there’s already a connection with Pan’An, Song Yu, and Prince Gao in it. Same deal, take it, put him in it, and add his summarized ability. He could be a Medic with strength in CRIT. So, he could bring CRIT to the table, obviously, as well as extra ATK buffs if activated.
~~~~
To conclude, *coughs as if to clear throat* Xi Shi, Wei Jie. We need to add them. The quartets aren’t filled up yet. Wouldn’t it be a surprise for them to finally come together in gorgeous matrimony as the queens they are? All heroes are queens. Plain and simple, not matter how awful their skill sets may be at times. (We see you, Shizhen. You matter, even though his skill set isn’t the best he’s still kinda great 😅)
#royal chaos headcanons#royal chaos#fabled hero headcanons#headcanons#royal chaos theories#infrawrites#tw //
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Survey #479
“war sends our sons to slaughter / another failed attack; there is no turning back”
Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit.
Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes, a video game when I was little. I was so mad, lol.
Do you vent a lot on social media? No. I don't want people to get annoyed with me.
What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I haven't been responsible for any bills yet.
What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? I can't/don't do either really, but if I could, I'd probably donate to uhhhh... suicide prevention organizations. As for volunteering, definitely something with animals.
Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t at all your usual type? No.
What is something you have no patience for? Waiting at the doctor's office.
Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes.
What’s that you’re listening to? I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within 2.
What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We're a couple.
What is your biggest accomplishment in life? Still being alive.
What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Political stuff. Economics.
Have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I had an Algebra tutor the last time I was in college, and I had to strangle an anxiety attack down because I wasn't understanding the material AT ALL and felt so dumb and annoying. I never did it again.
What was the last thing you said out loud (singing doesn’t count)? "It's really embarrassing," to Mom. It really is fucking humiliating that my ankles are swollen from walking/standing more and pushing my desk chair back against the resistance of the carpet. That's pathetic. I'm trying to focus on the fact it's good my body is even reacting to moving more, though.
Is everything you have on actually yours? Yep.
Do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don't drive, but if I did, that would NOT be my method of de-stressing.
What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Writing an RP post.
What’s your favorite department in Wal-Mart? Uh, I guess where you can go see the plants and flowers.
Do you find kite flying boring? I LOVED it as a kid. I'd still probably find it kinda fun.
Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yes, but it's not a massive interest. I've heard the humidity can kill a bitch, and I am NOT into that.
Have you ever run a cash register? Yes. I sucked.
Have you ever worked as a server? No.
Have you ever done the Bratz challenge on YouTube? No, but I saw James Charles do it and it was v unnerving, holy shit.
Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Carve.
What was your worst experience in high school? My depression as a whole.
How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember.
Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Three, if you include my current one.
Which part of your body is the most muscular? Uh, nothing?
What is the first site you check when you get online, generally? KM.
Are you good at creative writing assignments? That's my forte. In elementary school, I actually won a I think county-wide creative writing short story assignment. Not to brag, but I've always been very proud of that, ha ha.
Or would you rather just do an informative essay? That's easy for me too, but I prefer writing creatively.
Are you more attracted to the badasses, or the goody-goody types? Definitely the goody-goodies. The "bad guys" have never appealed to me romantically.
Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did if I really wanted to ask something or was confident in an answer.
What is something BIG you want to do with your life? Make a difference, somehow.
What do you think of people who own wild animals? Do NOT just casually take in animals from the wild. That's selfish and just generally disgusting. If you're going to keep an animal generally described as wild and undomesticated, you'd better have a license and deserve that license. Know what you're doing and be certain that keeping the animal in captivity is in the animal's best interest for its unique case.
Are you good at explaining things, in general? NOOOOOOOOO, I suck at that.
Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? Not our mall, no. Its stores suck/are extremely limited, and SO much crime has happened there.
Do you like window shopping? Why or why not? YESSSSSSS, mostly on Morph Market, a mostly reptile selling hub online. You can browse TONS of breeders and literally thousands of reptiles, especially ball pythons. They even have a tarantula section I like to look at sometimes.
If you lost your job/home/etc., who would likely help you? If I'm losing my home, I'm assuming my mom is gone, so my dad.
Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? We were a couple and I felt like I was supposed to. At that time I didn't see him romantically, but I desperately wanted to. Funny how we're back together and I've no reservations against kissing him now. Feelings change, for sure.
Plans for tonight? Girt and I will probably play some WoW Classic together. We've started playing that together, and it's lots of fun with him. :')
Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Actually, no.
Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know Girt does.
Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My mom.
Who last made you smile? Girt, 'cuz he's a sweetheart.
Where is your mother? She's in bed in her room. She feels like shit. Like, you would think she WASN'T vaccinated, though her long-time doctor has said she'd probably be dead without it while having Covid.
Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars.
Think about your biggest mistake, would you go back and change it? I absolutely would.
Are you dating the person you last kissed? Yeup.
What is the most immature item you own and actually use? Um. Idk.
Do you always take a shower after you have sex? I... didn't know people did this? Like I know women are advised to pee after sex, but full-on showering? No.
Do you like chocolate popsicles? Oh hell yeah.
Are your parents proud of you? They claim to be. I don't see how.
Are you interested in the ocean? Yeah; it's inarguably so fascinating.
Hot dogs or hamburgers? I prefer burgers.
Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No.
Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No.
Do you have any dietary restrictions? No.
Have you ever turned down a job offer? No.
What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A dog named Cali that was a boxer mix.
Do you ever pray, even if you don't believe in God? What exactly is the point if you don't believe in God...? Anyway, I don't.
Have you ever been to Mexico? No.
Have you ever gotten stuck in quicksand before? No.
What's the shortest or longest length you've ever had your hair grow? To around the small of my back.
The last nest you saw - was it a bird nest or a hornet's nest? I think a bird's?
Do you enjoy Jeff Dunham? I don't know if I'd like him as a person, but I do think he's a funny comedian.
Who is your favorite character from Frozen? I was never into the movies. I do think Elsa is kinda cool (no pun intended, lol), though. I like that she has her flaws.
Did you finish high school? If not, do you plan on doing so? I did.
Have you been in a simulator that mimicked a submarine or rollercoaster? A rollercoaster, yes.
How often do you go out to eat instead of cooking for yourself? Mom and I try to avoid fast food for our health. We do a pretty good job at it, but sometimes for convenience's sake, we do eat it.
What is the largest family of siblings that you know of? This is probably gonna come across as very judgmental, but... it really bothers me. I don't know how many kids she has now, but one of the dance moms from the studio has SO many children; I've completely lost count. Now if you want that many kids and can provide for them, that's cool. But that's not the case. She uses the "if God wants me to have a baby, then it will happen" mentality, and I'm just like... um, no hunny. Poor choices are leading to kids you're not adequately providing for. She uses no methods of protection and literally has twins whose room is a fucking closet. Ugh it just really bothers me.
What foreign languages were offered to you at school? A whole lot. Only Spanish and I believe French were offered as in-school courses, but there were lots of online classes.
If you were required to take a course right now, what would you choose? Photography.
Team Biden or Team Trump? Over my dead body would I have voted for Trump. My vote went with Biden.
What is an animal native to your country that may not exist in others? Bison are factually exclusive to North America. Note that bison and buffalo are different.
What are some of your favorite autumn activities? Taking pictures of fall scenery. <3
What are some of your favorite winter activities? Going out in the snow. :') Especially with a camera.
Do you eat a shit-ton the week before your period? uuugggghhHHHHHH yes
Wendy's, McDonalds, or Burger King? Wendy's.
What's the weirdest question you've ever asked Alexa? I've never asked Alexa anything.
Do you prefer your apple cider to be warm or cold? I've actually never had it.
Do you prefer your coffee hot or iced? Y'all know the story of me and coffee.
Can you sing the alphabet backwards? I can't.
Have you ever sent flowers or chocolates to yourself before? Ha ha, no.
Is there any meat that you won't eat? Yeah, fish and ANYTHING that comes from a wild animal.
Does your cat use anything other than it's scratching post as a scratcher? When we got him a scratcher WITH CATNIP, the lil butthead ignored it. -_- He scratches the carpet instead.
Did you go through a vampire craze before? Are you still going through it? Nah.
Have you ever forged your parents' signature on a poor test paper, etc? No.
Has a bird ever pooped on you before? Omg, no. I'd die.
Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk before? No.
Are black jellybeans delicious or disgusting? I HATE them.
Have you ever rolled down a grassy hill before? I have! I miss that.
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Blue Star | Oikawa x Reader | Ch.1
- Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x Reader
- Word Count: ~ 3,900
- Genres: Fluff, angst, Ushijima doesn’t know what a meme is
- CW: Mild swearing
- Summary: Sometimes, (Y/N) wonders if it was hard for her father to send her away. To a new prefecture, a new home, a new school. It all just might be worth it when after becoming the (suspiciously knowledgeable) manager of the Aoba Johsai boys’ volleyball club, she meets Oikawa Tooru. Together, they do their best to exorcise demons they thought would never leave. They learn about progress, when to strive for it, and when to accept the realities that cannot be changed.
Chapters: First | Previous | Next
Sweaty and shaking, (Y/N) sat upright in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. The walls were eggshell white, bare, pristine as if they had been untouched. There were no souvenirs or personal belongings anywhere, save for a short pyramid of boxes sitting in the corner.
Stiff, unused sheets wrapped around her, nothing like her beloved bed set back home.
‘Oh, that’s right…” she thought, ‘This is home now.’
Her mind flashed back to the busy day before, where she said goodbye to her mother and had the movers bring only some of her belongings to her new apartment so that the space didn’t completely fill up with unpacked boxes.
After some long, deep breaths, (Y/N) turned her attention to the obnoxious noise her phone was making.
The overly bright device read ‘6:20’.
(Y/N) flopped back down on her bed.
She ran a hand down her face, groaning.
“I don’t really need an education, right? I’m still pretty flexible. I could probably drop out and become a stripper, right, Hubble? The club down the street is always trying to hire new people.”
Across the room, the round orange tabby gazed back at her judgmentally.
The teen rolled her eyes at her pet, “Thanks for the support, Hubs.”
Once in the bathroom after a long struggle to drag herself out of bed, (Y/N) rested her weight against the sink. Gently touching the bags under her eyes, she sighed.
“I’ve looked better,” she said to herself, “Hey! Bad kitty!”
She tried to nudge Hubble off the counter, only for the feline to look at her with a look of even lesser interest than she gave frogs or mice.
Realistically, (Y/N) could lift the cat of the counter herself, but honestly, she didn’t have the energy to do so.
Rather than get dressed for school, she sat down on the edge of the custom made bathtub.
Lips pursed, she said to her cat, “Hey, at least you got to come with me, rather than stay home with mom and dad. That’s good.”
Hubble gave her the facial equivalent of crickets chirping.
Snatching her new uniform from its hook, yanking the brown plaid skirt up her thighs, she grumbled to herself, “First I get exiled to a whole new prefecture, and now I’m talking to my cat, who has also decided to be a dick to me, but this is what I needed, right?” she asked sarcastically, “A ‘change of pace.’”
She tucked in the lilac dress shirt far more aggressively than necessary. Her sigh of relief was cut short when she spotted the cream vest and a blazer that she had to wear.
“Why does this stupid uniform have so many damn layers!” she screamed into the empty apartment.
Soon after, her shoulders sagged in resignation. Expertly lacing up the uniform tie, she sighed for the nth time since she woke up. There was no use fighting it any more. This empty, desolate apartment was her new home. Aoba Johsai was her new school. No amount of anger was going to change that.
She recalled the conversation she had with her childhood friend before she left.
“Wakatoshi said to just keep to myself. That’s easy. I can do that. Of course…” she glanced over to the box pyramid on the other side of her bare apartment.
(Y/N) stalked over, picking up the box on top, securely sealed with red duct tape. A scowl marred her already unpleasant expression.
Desperate to get it out of her sight, she shoved the box unceremoniously into her deep bedroom closet, where it (hopefully) would never bother her again.
~~
“It’s kind of weird to get a transfer student in the middle of second year.”
“Maybe one of her parents got a new job or something.”
“What if she’s a delinquent?”
‘You know, it costs you nothing to mind your own freaking business.’
“All right, class, settle down,” the teacher raised her voice just slightly. “This is (L/N) (Y/N). She’s our new transfer student, and she’ll be the boys’ volleyball club manager this year. Make sure you all treat her well. Please have a seat in front of Iwaizumi-san.”
(Y/N) bowed, “Thank you, Yukino-sensei.”
The woman nodded, “Of course. I hope you enjoy your time here at Aoba Johsai.”
(Y/N) slid into the desk in front of a tan, spiky-haired boy who she recognized from middle school, only now it looked like his biceps were about to bust his uniform sleeves. It took her a second to realize who it was.
“Hajime!”
(Y/N) froze, worried they were no longer on a first-name basis, but the teenager just smiled back at her.
“(Y/N)! How’ve you been?”
“Eh, same old, same old. But it looks like you’re doing great! You’ve gotten so much bulkier since middle school! What have they been feeding you?” she said, causing him to laugh and ruffle her hair.
In fear of Yukino-sensei’s wrath, the class stayed relatively quiet. Though, people were stealing glances at her a noticeable amount. In their defense, they had a valid reason. One of the most intimidating students alive was being extremely friendly to an unknown, unheard transfer student. The stares were annoying, but not distractingly so.
The moment the final bell rang, a cluster of students swarmed (Y/N)’s desk.
“(L/N)-san, why did you transfer?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“(L/N)-san, how did you get the manager position?”
Ah, the manager position. That one came up a lot. Honestly, she didn’t see why people were so worked up over it.
She couldn’t exactly ignore her classmates, so she responded in as few words as possible, “I had to,” “No,” “I asked for it.” She kept her answers brief, hoping her fellow students would find the lack of response boring rather than alluring.
“(L/N),” Iwaizumi called out.
Her head immediately snapped to where he was standing by the door.
“You’re our new manager, right? Want me to show you where the gym is?” he asked gruffly.
(Y/N) grabbed her school supplies and practically ran over to Iwazumi, who had a tall brunette boy standing behind him.
“I’d appreciate that, thank you.”
On the walk to the gym, Iwaizumi introduced the brunette, Oikawa, to her.
“I was Iwa-chan’s handsomer, much more popular friend, remember?”
Oh, she definitely remembered him. Was she about to tell him that, though? Not a chance. She pretended to think for a moment, then shook her head.
“I’m sorry, Oikawa-san, that doesn’t ring a bell.” She tilted her head, “Besides, Hajime here is a perfect 10, so I don’t know where this ‘handsomer’ business came from.”
While Oikawa stopped in indignation, (Y/N) walked on as Iwaizumi followed, laughing shamelessly.
“It’s not like you remember me, either,” she added.
Oikawa pouted, “That’s not my fault! I was invested in volleyball, not cute girls.”
(Y/N) ignored him and the three of them walked along the school hallway in silence for a while. (Y/N) did her best to keep her mouth shut, but her curiosity got the better of her.
“Hajime? Do you know why the manager position is so important to people around here?” she asked tentatively.
Iwaizumi barked a laugh, “That’s because--”
“-because I’m on the volleyball team! The manager gets to spend time near me, which is something pretty much everyone around here wants,” Oikawa winked and made his signature peace sign.
He grinned charmingly at (Y/N). Iwaizumi facepalmed. (Y/N) stared back blankly.
“Sure,” she deadpanned.
“Huh? You’re the one that asked!” Oikawa protested.
“She didn’t ask for an egotistical answer like that, Crappykawa,” Iwaizumi growled. He turned to (Y/N) once again, “As annoying and stupid as that answer is, he’s not entirely wrong. He’s really popular for some reason.”
“Weird.”
“I know, right?”
“Hey, don’t gang up on me!”
(Y/N) ducked under Oikawa’s arm into the gym, turning slightly to thank him over her shoulder. The first person to greet her was the short, stout Seijoh head coach.
“Well, if it isn’t (L/N) (Y/N). You have no idea how happy I was to hear you’d be transferring to our school,” Coach Irihata gave the teen a small nod. “Though, I wish it were under different circumstances,” he grimaced.
(Y/N) bowed at him respectfully, “You and I both, Coach. I’ll put all my focus into being your team manager from now on.”
The older man laughed, “I don’t doubt that. Let me introduce you to the team.”
He led her to stand at the edge of the court.
“This here is Mizoguchi, the coach. He’s a bit of a hardass.”
“Are you allowed to be saying these things, Coach?”
“Were you planning on reporting me, (L/N)?”
“Touche.”
Coach Mizoguchi had all the boys line up. The two coaches and (Y/N) walked down the line.
“These are our first-years, Kyoutani, Watari, and Yahaba. Our second years, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Iwaizumi, Oikawa--”
‘They’re an odd group. Not horrible mismatched, but definitely not inherently interwoven like other teams I’ve seen.’
“We’ll be playing quick, 3-on-3 practice matches so (Y/N) can see what you can do.”
Some of the boys looked surprised, others even leaned over and whispered confused words to each other. At the same time, their new manager felt every drop of blood draining out of her face.
(Y/N) leaned in, “Coach, may I speak to you for a moment?” she whispered frantically.
Irihata allowed her to lead him out of earshot.
“I know I’ve asked a lot of you lately, Coach, but if we could call as little attention to me as possible, I would be eternally grateful. I doubt anyone will say anything, but if we could avoid giving them unnecessary hints, that would be ideal.”
He quirked a brow slightly, “(L/N), this is just a small request. You don’t have to grovel every time you ask something of me.”
(Y/N) fiddled with her track jacket, “I know. You’ve just done so much for me already.”
“So much by your standards, very little by mine. All I had to do was put in a good word for you. You secret’s safe with me, (L/N). Do your best as our manager,” he clapped her on the shoulder before gesturing for her to head back to the courts.
By the time practice was over, the players were all dog-tired and drenched in sweat. Despite the fact that her brain had gone numb from the busy analysis, she felt she had gotten a good grasp of the team’s individual and group abilities, having written mini reports in her notebook about all the players, their habits, and how they work together. Each player’s individual page included a few people they worked especially well with, but (Y/N) noticed that everyone worked especially well with Oikawa. He seemed to bring out the most ability and talent in everyone he set for.
It was unfair, really. Such amazing athletic talent, coupled with fluffy brown curls and a sharp jawline, only to be spoiled by a smug, flippant attitude.
Earlier, she’d made the mistake of letting him catch her staring once. The corners of his lips quirked up slightly, causing her to look away quickly.
(Y/N) changed back into her school uniform and locked up the main gym. Shouldering her bag, she noticed the lights on inside one of the smaller gyms.
She stepped inside to see Oikawa practicing his sets against the wall. He’d taken the time to change out of his sweaty practice gear, but he just changed into clean, dry practice gear.
“Oikawa-san?” she called out.
The setter caught the ball and turned his attention to her, “Ah, (Y/N)-chan! Heading home already?”
She nodded, “Yeah. You’re still going to be practicing for a while?”
A look of annoyance flashed across his face before returning to his usual carefree expression.
“Yes, I will be.”
(Y/N) nodded, taking a few steps in to set the master key on the bleachers, “I’m heading home, so please be sure to lock up when you’re finished.”
Had she stayed just a second longer, she’d have seen the slightly dumbfounded, mostly intrigued look on Oikawa’s face.
~~
“Wakatoshi, I’m having the time of my life!”
“That’s an unexpected response, though I’m happy for you,” Ushijima’s slightly pixelated voice came from (Y/N)’s firepods.
“I’ve been keeping to myself enough where no one bothers me, I get to manage the volleyball team, and I’ve had two whole weeks of fucking peace here. All my hopes and dreams have come true.”
“Well, not all of them--”
“Stuff it, Ushijima, I know,” she grumbled.
A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest, “Sorry, sorry. Have you met Oikawa Tooru yet?”
(Y/N) frowned, dodging a group of boys walking down the hall in the opposite direction.
“Yes,” she said in a small voice.
“Why did you say it so quietly?”
“No reason,” she said just as quietly.
“You find him attractive, don’t you?”
“What? Him? But he’s so-- he’s such a flirt! He always has girls hanging around him and he always looks so pleased with himself. Not to mention he’s a genuinely amazing setter and he’s a considerate captain and--”
“So, you do find him attractive?”
“I mean,” (Y/N) huffed, stopping outside the equipment room door, “Yes.”
“More attractive than Semi?”
“I’d say they’re about the same.”
“Wow. That’s a high compliment coming from you.”
“Isn’t it? But-- Oh, I gotta go, Wakatoshi, I need to fill the water cooler.”
“I’ll talk to you tonight.”
“Later!”
(Y/N) was breathing hard as she carried the water cooler from the equipment room to the gym. She wondered if they could get a wagon or some sort of wheels so she didn’t have to pull a muscle just to fill the cooler every practice. Better yet, maybe just let them die of dehydration so she wouldn’t have to move at all.
Sigh.
No, (Y/N), this isn’t that type of school.
Finally making it to the gym, she took a deep breath and shuffled inside. Almost immediately after she set foot in the gym, all of a sudden, the water cooler had slammed back into her, pouring its icy contents all over her and her uniform.
She fell flat on her ass, rubbing the sore spot on her chin where the plastic had knocked into it.
‘Someone around here wants me to relieve them of both their arms,’ she thought.
“Kyoutani!” she heard Mizoguchi yell, “How did your spike end up all the way over there?”
She didn’t get the chance to hear the first-year’s reply before Coach Irihata kneeled in front of her, the boys crowding around the two of them.
‘No, no. Deep breaths, (Y/N). It was just an accident. Breathe in, breathe out. In, then out.”
Taking a final deep breath, she looked up, smiled sweetly and said, “Don’t worry. It’s just a little water.”
Iwaizumi came up behind her and hauled her up by the armpits, “You alright?”
(Y/N) nodded in affirmation.
Oikawa passed her a large - presumably his - Seijoh BVBC sweater. She fully expected him to say something that would get him smacked by Iwaizumi, but was surprised to see him walk away almost immediately.
~~
Stepping out of the locker room, (Y/N) looked up at the dark evening sky.
“It’s already this dark?” she wondered aloud.
“Yep. It’s that time of the year,” came a voice from behind her.
Oikawa stepped out from the boys’ locker room, hair still damp, and aqua t-shirt clinging to his skin slightly from the moisture.
She stared at him.
He tilted his head. “I do take breaks sometimes, you know,” he said as if he’d read her mind.
“Could’ve had me fooled,” she replied, gathering her composure and making her way towards the front gate.
“See you tomorrow, (Y/N)-chan,” he waved her goodbye.
“See you tomorrow.”
Exiting the school gate, they both turned left, ending up walking the same direction anyway. They chuckled awkwardly.
“Never mind, then,” Oikawa smiled.
“I’m getting on the G-train and going down 6 stops. You?”
“G-train, 8 stops,” he gasped, “(Y/N)-chan, we live so close! We can hang out together every day!” he teased.
(Y/N) huffed, turning away so the brunette couldn’t see her smiling, “We already hang out every day, nerd.”
“How hurtful! I can never spend too much time with you, (Y/N)-chan,” he nudged her playfully with his elbow, letting out a small ‘oof’ when she pushed him back.
They got on the G-train, which was mostly empty around this time of night. Their car held them and two other girls from their school, who seemed to pay them little mind, aside from the occasional glances that were typical in Oikawa’s presence.
The brunette stared down his nose at her, “So. Are you ever gonna tell me why our brand new lady manager has an abnormally thorough knowledge of volleyball?” he questioned.
(Y/N) took a seat across from Oikawa. He made himself comfortable opposite her.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Oikawa-san,” she said innocently.
Oikawa leaned forward in his seat.
“I saw your notebook. Your notes are way too detailed for anyone less than an expert. Did you or a family member or a friend or whatever play?”
Her gaze turned downcast. The train car was relatively empty, and he seemed genuine enough for her to softly reply, “I used to.”
There are two specific expressions (Y/N) saw the most of in the months following the incident.
One was less common. It was a thinly-veiled smugness, poorly hidden behind feigned sympathy. It was a look that said, “You got exactly what you deserved.”
The second was much more common, and on the days that made her want to lay in bed all day, seeing that expression plastered all around her like wallpaper just made her want to dig into the earth and make a home for herself there forever.
Pity.
It’s the same look every time. Their eyebrows go up, then furrow, finally slanting down as the realization dawns on them. Their mouth will drop open like they plan to say something, but no words come out because what are they supposed to say?
He must have seen the look of anguish on her face, because his expression morphed through each phase of that second type, word for word.
“You don’t play anymore because you won’t or because you--”
A dark shadow crossed her face, “I’d rather not talk about it.”
Oikawa nodded, “Okay.” His pretty brown eyes rolled up to the ceiling in deep thought. “What’s your favorite cake flavor?”
(Y/N) blinked at him confusedly for a moment, then her expression shifted to one of realization, and she gave him a small smile, the most genuine he’d ever seen her wear since she arrived at Aoba Johsai.
“Red velvet!”
“That’s just chocolate with red food coloring.”
(Y/N) gasped loudly, “You take that back!”
Oikawa raised his hands in defense, “I’m sorry, I only speak facts. Is now a bad time to mention I love pineapple on pizza?”
(Y/N)’s jaw dropped, “Are you serious? Do you even have taste buds, pretty boy?”
The taller male laughed and teasingly batted his lashes, “You think I’m pretty, (Y/N)-chan?”
She rolled her eyes, “I don’t know how to tell you this, Oikawa, but everyone thinks you’re pretty. You literally have a fanclub. They bring you homemade cookies on a regular basis.”
He got up from his seat across from her, only to settle down in the seat beside her. They sat there, shoulders against each other’s. Oikawa Tooru smelled like mint and the breeze on a summer night and a little bit of man sweat, but that’s to be expected coming straight from practice. It was a very distracting few seconds.
“But I don’t care about everyone’s opinion, (Y/N)-chan, I want yours.”
(Y/N)’s cheeks buzzed with heat. Ugh, he’s unfairly cute, isn’t he? But! Even if she would never tell him, she remembered him from middle school. He didn’t remember her. A guy like Oikawa was probably flirting with her because she didn’t fall desperately at his feet. She wasn’t going to be a part of that game. Not now, not ever.
At the sound of her stop, she stood and made her way over to the door. Just forcing the blood in her cheeks down through sheer willpower, she said, “I’ll see you in school tomorrow, Oikawa-san.”
Oikawa leaned back in his seat.
“Hey, (Y/N)? You’re not thinking I’m flirting with you because I’m some tail-chasing fuckboy, right? Because if you are,” he quirked a perfect eyebrow at her, “That’s hardly fair, is it?”
‘What? How did he know??’ she internally screamed, ‘He’s right, though. A lot of girls like him, but it’s not like he has a reputation for sleeping around or anything. Even if he did, that’s not for me to judge.”
(Y/N) braced herself against the open train doors. The cool night air blew into the train from behind her, ruffling her uniform skirt. She groaned.
“That smug face you make when you know you’re right? Yeah, I hate it.”
The setter’s hand came up to rest under his chin, “But you do have an opinion about my face?”
“Goodnight, Oikawa.”
“Text me when you get home!”
“I don’t--”
“Ask Iwa-chan for it! Goodnight, (Y/N)-chan!”
The train doors shut, and Oikawa sent her a wink through the glass doors before it departed. The breeze ruffled (Y/N)’s hair. There she stood, staring at the empty tracks. Rooting through her bag, she yanked her phone out and dialed a number.
“Wakatoshi, I’ve been a dumb hoe.”
“(Y/N), I told you you shouldn’t--”
“I shouldn’t belittle myself, even as a joke, I know, I’m sorry, Wakatoshi.”
She could feel him shaking his head in disapproval, “Right. Now, what’s your issue?”
Fingers fiddling with the hem of the borrowed oversized Seijoh sweatshirt, (Y/N) pressed her phone between her ear and shoulder.
“I accidentally made friends.”
Ushijima sighed on the other end of the line, “(Y/N), when I said to keep to yourself, I did not mean you had to become a total recluse. You may not want to hear this from me, but meeting new friends is a good thing.”
(Y/N) slowly shook her head, “They’re pretty popular, though, and the last thing I wanted since coming here was to call attention to myself.”
“You may have gotten some unwanted attention at your old school, but maybe you can start over at Aoba Johsai. If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”
“...are you using a meme to give me advice?”
“A what?”
“A meme, Wakatoshi. It’s a joke passed all over the internet. Come on, there’s no way you haven’t seen them, even accidentally.”
“I am unfamiliar with the term. Anyway, I was quoting renowned columnist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. I was trying to make you feel better.”
Though he couldn’t see it, (Y/N) smiled warmly at how hard he was trying to help.
“You did a great job, Wakatoshi. Hey, I just got home, I’ll call you back and we’ll talk all about your day. How’s that?”
“Alright, get inside safely.”
Upon hanging up with Ushijima, (Y/N)’s hand stopped just short of putting her phone away. Perhaps against her better judgement, she reluctantly sent one more text.
[SENT] To: Iwaizumi Hajime-Kun [8:37 pm]
~~
- Admin Mango
#oikawa#oikawa tooru#oikawa tōru#ushijima#Ushijima Wakatoshi#Iwaizumi Hajime#iwaizumi#oikawa x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyu#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu scenarios
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but here i am
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
word count: 4,187
summary: After years of being separated from the Avengers, Bucky finds you during a job.
prompt: ‘You told me not to fall in love but here I am. Coming back to you again was not the plan. Barely coming up for air, what can I say? Baby, I’ll go anywhere you take me’ - Pull Me Deep - Logan Henderson
warnings: swearing, violence
a/n: This was written for @fvckingavengers Writing Challenge! Thank you so much, and I hope you enjoy!
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
That stupid ass smirk tugged at James lips as he took in the sight in front of him. Me with a knife in hand and standing over Harold Carr, billionaire and tech extraordinaire. There’s not a single hair out of place, my Valentino dress as pristine as ever.
“It’s been a while, sugar,” he said, and my attention is captured by the way his tongue flicks out over his lips.
I wanted to punch that stupid look off his stupidly attractive face.
I pointed the knife in my hand at him, the other hand going to rest on my hip. “Get out. I got here first.”
“No can do,” he said. As he sauntered closer, I just continued to hold the knife up. He eyed it without a drop of fear. He was too accustomed to being threatened with sharp objects. “I’m an Avenger, remember? That means that I have seniority over you.”
“Bullshit!” I snapped, my frustration growing. “You don’t get to take over whatever you want just because you have a fancy ass suit!”
Carr’s eyes were flickering back and forth between the two of us, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to make sense of our relationship. Or whatever you’d call it. It was more of a love-hate thing, with him loving antagonizing me and me hating his guts for it. The fabric I had torn from the curtains and stuffed in his mouth muffled anything he had to say about it.
“You used to have a ‘fancy ass suit,’ too, remember?” James took a step closer, not even flinching as my knife pressed into the soft skin of his neck. With just one flick I could slice his jugular.
He was trusting me not to.
“You really are stupid, huh?” I asked. The sounds of the party wafted in through the cracked door. A horde of rich cats all too preoccupied with playing a game of Who Has the Best Life to realize that their host had disappeared over thirty minutes ago. “I could kill you right now,” I said, though even as the words fell from my lips, I knew that I wouldn’t. That I couldn’t.
Even though I’d never admit it, James Barnes had wormed his way into my heart years ago and had never quite left.
“But you won’t.” He swallowed and the knife nicked him. A small drop of scarlet trailed down his porcelain skin, staining the crisp white shirt he donned.
“James.” I dropped the knife and rushed to look at the tiny cut. It was nothing compared to the injuries the both of us suffered almost daily. I hadn’t even realized what I’d done until a fond smile lit up his face.
“Told you.”
I opened my mouth to shoot back some smart ass response, but the look on his face stopped me. There was a glint in his eyes, but it wasn’t malicious. He wasn’t trying to taunt me. “James,” I breathed, suddenly finding the dress I was in very, very restricting.
I swore I could see the raging ocean in his eyes as he towered over me. His breathing stuttered as he tried to joke, “I think you’re getting soft for me, sugar.”
The moment that lingered between us was ended by the groans coming from the man currently tied to a chair. With the spell broken, I took a step away and willed my heart to stop beating so god damn fast. “You need to leave,” I said, clearing my throat as I turned to look back at my target. The feelings I’d harbored years ago were drifting out of the box I’d thrown them into in the back of my mind.
“Come on—”
“James. Leave.” My voice was cold, and my eyes even icier. There was a tone of finality to it, despite the fact that I was going against what my heart wanted.
But listening to my heart will get me killed.
I’d seen it all before. People like us thinking that they could be normal. That they could be in love and nothing would happen.
Then they ended up with a bullet between their eyes.
I’d almost been one of them, once upon a time. And then I learned that none of us get a happy ending.
The ballroom was filled to the brim. There was hardly room to breathe, let alone walk. Dignitaries from all over the world had come together for this one event. It was a modern day Babylon, with the myriad of languages floating around.
But as much as you wanted to drink your weight in champagne, you had a job to do.
“What’s your status, sugar?” His voice crackled in my com.
“Heading for the control room now, Sarge,” I said under my breath, ducking my head so that my hair fell like a curtain to shield me from the others at the party. I sipped at a flute of champagne as I made my way towards the staircase. My movements were languid, slow, as though I didn’t have a care in the world.
The super soldier’s chuckle fills my ear and I can picture it—him sitting in the limo outside that’s waiting for me, surrounded by surveillance equipment. He was in his gear, ready to burst in at the first sign of trouble. Wanda was probably rolling her eyes at his antics as she lazily watched the screens. “You know what calling me that does to me, baby doll,” he purred, mischievous even though it was most certainly not the time.
“Can you two not flirt when we’re on a mission?” Sam asked from where he stood at the bar. He was playing lookout, making sure that no one followed me. James had thrown a fit during the briefing when he’d been told that he was going to be stuck out in the van with Wanda.
But then Rhodey had reminded him that he tended to get reckless when it came to me, and it shut him right up. It also helped that Sam had actually gotten an invite, since he’d taken on the mantle of Captain America about a year prior, and him sitting calmly by the bar made it seem as though the Avengers weren’t onto the operation’s antics.
If only they knew.
The hub of the operation we were working to take down was easy enough to find. All I had to do was try each door until I found the one that was locked.
“Oh, the magic of a good bobby pin,” I said as I crouched down. I slipped one of the pins out of my hair and bent it so it was a little easier to get into the keyhole. With a few twists and jimmies, I had the door opening without so much as a creak. It revealed rows after rows of computers, though it was clear that the most important one was the one situated on a huge desk at the front of the room. “I think they’re just trying to do our jobs for us at this point.”
The door shut behind me with a soft click and I slowly made my way across the room. It felt too quiet and it was stupidly easy for me to get to the control room. Everything I knew about this kind of situation was telling me that something really, really bad was about to go down.
“Something feels off.” But even as I voiced my concerns to my team members, I took a seat at the head computer, plugging in the drive. Hacking into it was easy enough, but it just added to my anxiety.
“You okay, L/N?” Wanda asked. “I can send in Barnes if—”
“No,” I said, cutting her off as I began to load the files onto the drive. “Sometimes I forget that people think they’ll never be caught and don’t bother with better safeguards.”
But even as I said it, it felt like a lie.
“Or they think we’ve all retired,” James offered.
Despite the dread that was pooling in my gut, I watched as the files loaded themselves onto the drive, willing it to go faster so that I could get the hell out of there. “Come on, come on, come on,” I muttered, my leg bouncing.
My eyes kept flickering to the door, knowing that if anyone came in, I’d be screwed. There was one entrance into the room, which meant one exit. If I was lucky, I could hope that the monitor would turn off fast enough that I could duck down beneath the desk.
But, of course, luck wasn’t on my side.
I heard the twist of the doorknob before anything else, and I quickly turned off the monitor before scrambling to take cover under the desk. The drive was still stuck in the computer, hopefully still loading files onto it despite the monitor being dark.
“I swear, I saw someone come in here on the cameras,” a strange voice said, and I cursed.
We hadn’t found any evidence of cameras in the blueprints of the building, and it would appear that it had come back to bite us in the ass.
Well, more specifically, my ass.
I couldn’t even call for backup. The men were too close and Sam, Bucky, and Wanda wouldn’t make it to me in time. My best bet was to stay completely silent and hope that they left.
“I think you’re seeing shit, Davies,” a second voice said. It was much gruffer and it sent chills down my spine.
I let out slow, carefully measured breaths through my mouth, ensuring that I didn’t make a peep. Even the softest of sounds could alert them and I had no desire to get caught. My heart jumped in my throat as I heard one of the desks scrape the floor with the same jeering quality as nails on a chalkboard.
It was quiet for several long moments, and I could hear them start to make their way back to the hall.
“I swear, I’m gonna tan your hide if I check that security feed and no one’s there,” the second voice snapped. The door opened and I was sure that I was in the clear.
“Y/N, are you okay? What’s your status?” Sam asked, and my heart stopped as I heard the footsteps stop.
They’d heard it.
In the stark silence of the room, Sam’s voice was as loud as a gunshot.
My heart pounded against my ribcage as I prayed to whatever God there was that I was wrong, that they hadn’t heard him. I slipped my hand down to the slit in my dress, my fingers curling around the handgun strapped to my thigh. If I was fast enough, I could get the jump on them, but I’d have mere seconds—no, milliseconds—to shoot.
Steeling myself, I jumped out from behind the desk and fired in rapid succession.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Four shots total. Three of them hit their targets, though nothing vital.
The men in front of me thundered towards me, anger twisting their faces.
“Y/N, I’m on my way!” Sam said, though I barely heard him as my gun was knocked from my hand.
Hand-to-hand, then. I ducked as the larger of the two—the one with the gruff voice—reached for me, kneeing him in the groin. The smaller man—Davies—tried his hardest, but he was easy to take down. Even with my evening gown on, I flipped myself up and wrapped my thighs around his head, twisting until he fell to the ground.
But before I could get to my feet, the other had his hand around my throat, choking me until the edges of my vision went black and I went limp in his arms.
“You know I can’t do that,” James said with a deep sigh as he watched me twirl the knife in my hand.
Scoffing, I kept my eyes locked on Carr’s. There was a twinge of fear in the cold green orbs of the tech genius gone terrorist. Despite the front he put up, he knew what I could do. What I could do. “Why not?” I asked calmly, as though we were making small talk about the weather. “You’ve done it before.”
Even Carr knew how low of a blow that was.
The super soldier stood so close behind me that I could feel the warmth radiating from his broad chest. He always was some kind of human heater. Memories of him holding me close in the cold of winter flashed through my mind. A mission in Siberia that had resulted in us taking shelter in a safe house without electricity.
It felt like a million lifetimes ago.
“Really, Y/N?”
Even after all the years we’d been apart, my actual name slipping from his lips sounded foreign. From the second we’d met, I’d always been ‘sugar’ or ‘baby doll’ or sometimes even ‘kitten,’ if he really felt like annoying Sam on the coms.
I didn’t want to admit how much his presence affected me. How my entire body felt tense with him being so close. How badly I wanted to turn around and throw myself into his arms, pretend that the years we’d been separated hadn’t happened.
But I couldn’t.
The pain of being left behind had seared my heart, left me reeling.
So I pushed aside the twisting in gut, gripping my knife so tightly that my knuckles went white. “So, Harold,” I sneered, “are you going to tell me about your little operation or am I going to have to put in a little elbow grease?”
“Are you actually going to ignore me?”
“Are you actually wanting to have this conversation now?” I asked, my tone running over my teeth as I tried to control my anger. I just wanted to finish this stupid job so I could collect my paycheck and go home to a nice bubble bath and a bottle or two of wine.
James crossed his arms over his chest, the Kevlar doing absolutely nothing to hide his thick muscles. “Yes.”
I stared at him incredulously. I couldn’t believe he was actually trying this right now. “I’m working!” I pointed at the man in the chair, the knife coming close to slicing his nose. “I’m doing a job that I’m getting paid for. If you wanted to talk, you could call literally any other time. I know that you all have my phone number on file, even though I’ve changed it at least seven times!”
“If I did call, you wouldn’t talk to me,” he said, his jaw clenched so tightly that I was sure his teeth were going to shatter.
“Maybe that’s because I don’t want to talk to you,” I hissed.
Both of us stopped as we heard a sputtering, turning to see that Carr had managed to spit out the wad of fabric in his mouth. “Not that this isn’t riveting,” he drawled, not at all sounding like a man currently being held hostage, “but can you two stop your little lovers’ quarrel long enough to finish this?”
“We’re not lovers!”
“Stay out of it!”
Carr raised his eyebrows. “Because that clears things up.”
I rolled head to the side to glare at him. “Did anyone fucking ask you, Harold?”
The man looked a little taken aback, his mouth hanging open. It was clear that he wasn’t used to be talked to in such a way. But, then again, most men like him weren’t. Rich, white men were used to having the world bow at their feet.
There was no way in hell he was getting that from me.
“You were the one who left, Y/N,” James said, interrupting the stare down that I was in the middle of.
I whirled around, pointing the knife at him yet again. “Don’t you start with that shit. You guys are the ones that left me for dead!”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I slunk through the doors of the Avengers compound, still limping from the gun shot that had grazed my thigh over a week earlier. I hadn’t gotten to shower since I’d managed to escape my captor eight days before, and I knew that I smelled like something fierce.
But it didn’t matter.
Because I’d escaped.
Agents were starting to notice me, stopping in their tracks and staring at me as though I’d risen from the dead.
And in a way, I had. When I’d finally made it back to civilization after two days of wandering the forest surrounding the abandoned house I’d been held in, I’d found that I’d been held hostage for a little over seventeen months.
I knew that the whispers from the agents surrounding me were going to reach the people who used to be my team within minutes. Being an agent of the newly rebuilt SHIELD was like being in a sorority. Since everyone worked, lived, and breathed each other, anything new spread through the group like wildfire.
It was a little concerning when I realized that the doors still opened for me automatically. The A.I. controlling the locks still recognized me.
“You should really update your security,” I said coldly as I stepped into the conference room that my team was in.
No, not my team. My former team.
Sam, Rhodey, Bruce, and Wanda were all standing around the table staring at a hologram. But the second I’d walked in, they’d frozen in place.
“What?” I took a step forward, ignoring how badly I wanted to collapse from sheer exhaustion. “No words?”
The door behind me opened once again, and I could feel who it was without even looking.
“Sugar…,” James said, completely breathless. “Y/N… You’re alive.”
I didn’t turn around. Didn’t even look at him. My fists clenched at my sides, sweat on my brow from willing myself to keep standing. I was in so much pain, it was insane. “Do you want to know what’s worse than being kidnapped and tortured?” I asked, hating the waver in my voice. The five of them were watching me with something akin to horror. “Realizing that your team—your so-called family—isn’t coming for you.” Sam took a step forward and I shook my head, taking a step back. “Don’t bother,” I said. “I’m done.”
I turned on my heel and made to leave the room, but stopped in my tracks when I saw James staring at me with heartbreak in his eyes. He looked just as beautiful as he had the day I was taken, with his dark hair half-pulled up. Everything I had felt for him seemed to come back ten-fold but I pushed it away. Taking a shaky breath, I brushed past him and began to head for the exit.
As far as I was concerned, I was done with the Avengers.
“Y/N! WAIT!”
I ignored the man calling after me, walking as quickly as I could. It was a lot harder and had a lot less impact with a limp.
James quickly caught up, moving so he stood in front of me, blocking my path. “Y/N, please. Wait,” he said, blue eyes blown wide as his hands went to my shoulders.
I roughly shoved him away from me as though I’d been burned, eyes narrowing. “Don’t fucking touch me,” I snarled. “Did you even try to find me?”
“Of course, I did. I—”
“Then how did you not find me?” I asked. My chest was heaving from the exertion. “I was in an abandoned house in upstate New York. I managed to get out and find my way back here in eight days. I’ve been gone for almost a year and a half, and I was in the same god damn state.”
James looked at me as though he’d had his heart ripped out and tossed to the ground. “Y/N, please… I’m sorry we didn’t find you,” he croaked, his eyes watering. “Please, stay. You… You don’t have to be a part of the team, but—”
“Why?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. My face was flushed as I tried to keep myself steady. I needed to get to a hospital, or at least a place I could take care of my wounds myself. “Give me one reason to stay.”
“Because I love you!”
I froze, my heart stopping. “No, you don’t.” I moved to walk past him, hyper aware of the stares we were attracting.
“Would you listen to me?!” He chased after me, easily keeping up. “Y/N, I am falling in love with you, okay?!”
“Well, don’t!” I pivoted, almost causing the super soldier to crash into me. I felt like I was going to combust from anger and frustration. How long had I waited for him to say those exact words? I’d waited for a year before the Snap, then desperately tried to get him back for five years, and then waited two and a half more years for any return of my feelings. But now it was too late. “Okay?! Don’t fall in love with me! Because I’m done! I’m done with this team! I’m done with this family!” The energy around the two of us crackled, like lightning was about to strike. I took a deep breath, grounding myself. “I. Am. Done.”
“We searched for you! For the entire time you were gone, we never stopped looking!” James retorted, his face red. The vein in his neck was popping out against the rest of his skin.
My hands were shaking as I thought about that time. I’d been so scared, even though I couldn’t show it. “I spent a year and a half waiting for you,” I said. The tremor in my voice betrayed how hurt I actually was. “And I waited years before then for you to want me the way I wanted you.”
“Sugar,” he said, earnestly searching my eyes. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Baby doll, please. I love you.”
“I told you not to fall in love with me,” I whispered, though there was no conviction behind it.
A small smile tugged at his lips. “I’ve never been good at following orders.”
“I’m still here!”
Scowling, I pointed the knife at Harold Carr, who got real quiet, real quick. “We’re having a conversation. Don’t be fucking rude.”
James straight up smirked at that, his tongue running over his teeth. “So those feelings you had for me—any chance they’re still there?”
“Don’t be an ass, or I’ll carve up your face next,” I threatened, even though we both knew it was empty. There was no way I’d touch his pretty face.
As if to prove that point, he pursed his lower lip and sauntered towards me. His chest pressed against mine, his flesh hand moving to cradle my face. “I’m in love with you. Always have been. Always will be.” His calloused thumb rubbed against the soft skin of my cheek. “If you don’t have feelings for me, I’ll walk away. But if you do…” His hot breath fanned over my face and his lips were so close. I just wanted to kiss him senseless. “Please. Let’s figure this out.”
Everything that had happened over the years flashed through my mind. My first time meeting him, realizing that I was in love with him. Pining after him and spending five years trying to bring him back. Resigning myself to being just his friend after the Snap was reversed and he didn’t anything. Being taken and praying for him to find me, only to rescue myself and walk away from life as an Avenger.
As much as I hated it, I missed it. I missed being a part of a team. Sure, the money was better doing freelance work like I had been since I left, but it was so lonely.
And there was no James.
My heart pounding in my chest, I grabbed him by the collar and pressed my lips to his. Pieces inside me clicked together like a puzzle as his arms wrapped around me. Everything that’d happened faded away as my fingers tangled in his hair.
He was the one to break away first. He leaned his forehead against mine as we savored in the moment.
“I love you.” My nose nudged against his as I stole another quick kiss.
“I love you more,” he said, refusing to let me go. There was a sort of magic that hung between us. A spell that could only be brought on by a kiss so right that it was as if fate had written it.
A spell that was broken by the man you had been interrogating before James had interrupted you.
“I still here!” He bellowed, his ugly face twisting.
“I guess we should take care of that, huh?” I asked, though my eyes didn’t break from the super soldier’s.
His lips brushed against mine in a promise of a kiss to come. “’We?’”
“Yeah,” I said, as though it was obvious. “We’re a team, right?”
#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes imagine#fvckingavengers writing challenge
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50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked
Tagged by @burninghoneyatdusk & @sassmasterblake - thanks for tagging me and for the 15 minutes of entertainment, haha! 💜
What is the colour of your hairbrush? black
Name a food you never eat? seafood.
Are you typically too warm or too cold? I like being cold so I can wear layers of sweaters and blankets.
What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Scrolling tumblr, drinking coffee, watching iZombie...
What is your favourite candy bar? anything chocolate.
Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Unfortunately. Lol, I am sooo not a #sportsball person, but I’ve got to professional soccer, baseball, and hockey games with family.
What is the last thing you said out loud? umm, talking nonsense to my cat, and telling her she’s cute, lol
What is your favourite ice cream? Kwartha Dairy Moosetracks (local canadian dairy, vanilla with peanut butter cups and chocolate swirls)
What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee
Do you like your wallet? Yes, lol. My last wallet broke so I had to buy a replacement quickly, and found a $6 pink llama one at walmart and I can’t complain.
What was the last thing you ate? a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese
Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no.. I wish.
The last sporting event you watched? Like I said, I’m not a sportsball person, but it was a hockey game, which I call ‘sports ball on ice’
What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? Caramel
Who is the last person you sent a text message to? To my coworkers, complaining about our boss, lol
Ever go camping? Every summer. We go for a week with all of my family - aunts, uncles, cousins, and it’s the highlight of my year.
Do you take vitamins? Every morning.
Do you go to church every Sunday? Yep. Except now we watch online because of quarantine, lol.
Do you have a tan? Ugh, I wish.
Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Pizza. I could eat pizza every day.
Do you drink your soda with a straw? Only when I’m out at a restaurant.
What colour socks do you usually wear? White with patterns of fruit, dogs, and stripes.
Do you ever drive above the speed limit? All the damn time. It’s an unwritten rule where I live that you can drive 10-20km over the speed limit without getting pulled over, especially on the highways.
What terrifies you? Spiders, snakes... and that this quarantine will never end.
Look to your left, what do you see? My empty coffee mug, time for a refill.
What chore do you hate? Everything but laundry. I weirdly love doing laundry.
What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Umm, Beliza? Also my Australian cousins.
What’s your favourite soda? I don’t drink soda.. so sparkling water?
Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus? Normally drive-thru.
Who’s the last person you talked to? said good morning to my husband.
Favourite cut of beef? Anything I don’t have to cook.
Last song you listened to? Ha. I’ve had an ABBA playlist going on Spotify while I work.
Last book you read? I reread the Hunger Games trilogy.
Favourite day of the week? Tuesdays - they’re my most productive work day, and the day I go to work early, but get to leave early, so it’s also a date night with the hubs.
Can you say the alphabet backwards? Backwards and forwards. I alphabetize all the time for work.
How do you like your coffee? Usually black, but sometimes I go full canadian and get a ‘double double’
Favourite pair of shoes? My Nike running shoes and my Converse.
The time you normally go to sleep? Between 10-12, depending on the day.
The time you normally get up? Between 6-9am depending on the day, and if I have to work.
What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets.
How many blankets on your bed? Just a really thick duvet.
Describe your kitchen plates: Dark blue edges that ombres into white in the centre.
Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? Red wine, but love a good cold beer on a summer day.
Do you play cards? Does Uno count, haha
What colour is your car? A really ugly grey/brown.
Can you change a tire? Yep. My dad’s a mechanic so he taught me when I was ten, ahah
Your favourite province? I’m an Ontario girl through and through. Perfect balance of city, nature, and small towns. And I love the fact that I’m walking distance to Lake Ontario.
Favourite job you’ve ever had? I was an au pair (nanny) in London for a year, that was pretty dang cool.
How did you get your biggest scar? I have like zero scars.. maybe a teeny scar on my arm from when my brother bit me twenty years ago.
What did you do today that made someone else happy? I did a Costco run yesterday and am about to bring a carful of supplies over to my dad and step-mom.
Tagging all of you beautiful people (sorry if any repeats). 💜
@useyourtelescope, @thefangirlingbarista, @carrieeve, @nakey-cats-take-bathsss, @katersann, & @braveprincess
#tag games#get to know me#about me#i definitely edited everything for canadian spelling#added a u to favourite
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Tales From Mount Othrys
Ajax: Birth of the Triple A Chimera
Warning: cute fluffy creature death. I tried not to make it graphic. :/
The fall splintered your body. It ruined your mind.
Like Lucifer grasping at the heavens, wondering, But you said you loved me, your hand extended towards her, clinging to a snapping string, to your love, admiration, and respect. To the world how it once was. To a world how it should be.
But she let you crumble into oblivion. That angel of Justice. Your Michael. The slick-fingered Azrael. She condemned you to be lost forever.
Banishing herself into the bosom of a merciless moon queen, she left you there, on the cliff’s bottom, a scattered mosaic with nothing but Achilles’ curse keeping your meat suit together. Your eyes stare out like the exit of a well. Blank.
Dead? No. I trembled to think you dead.
Your injury is hidden behind a sheet of skin, but I can see your mind break. She betrayed your trust and betrayed your love. Your eyes gaze to the heavens as I cradle you, and you think you are lost.
I won’t let you fall apart. If God doesn’t want us in his court, we shall build our court up to him and make him love us.
--Jack, The day Thalia kicked Luke off a cliff
“Can you babysit Ajax this Friday?”
Pax wasn’t supposed to be eavesdropping on Axel and Alabaster and probably wasn’t supposed to hear that question. He was supposed to be moving boxes from the front of the new laboratory’s atrium to the center of the laboratory. This is where he hoped he would be turned into a variety of rodents (or mustelids, as Alabaster had corrected him: otters, minks, weasels—and that one time Axel was turned into a wolverine—were all part of the mustelid family).
Technically, Pax was still doing his job. He just slowed down when entering the central hub of the laboratory, where Alabaster and Axel were talking.
The two had dragged in a massive crate of magical artifacts from different colonies of Greece. Really, Axel had carried his side while Alabaster was cursing and swearing over a hand that had been smashed in the doorway. Axel pulled the box open with a crow bar. Alabaster withdrew a lion mask that he said had mislabeled from Numidia, grumbling that he’d need to fix the labels once they were ready to put things on shelves.
Between grumbles and devious chin strokes—which Pax thought made Alabaster look quite esteemed—Alabaster nodded. “I can watch him. Same time as your normal matches?”
Axel’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He set the crow bar atop a stack of unsorted wooden boxes with a thunk. He undid his hairtie, shook the mane of braids and locks out, and went to retying his hair. Recently, Axel had quarter-shaved one side when he found a wad of gum in his bed. Pax knew it was Mercedes. Would anyone else believe him? No. Pax got blamed.
“Thirty minutes earlier. Jack and Luke want to add in a pre-show. Apparently, they’re going to be recorded and sent to Antaeus. Luke… thinks he’ll like them.” Axel puffed up his cheeks and popped them. The motion made the shadows under his eyes look like a pit of Cocoa Puffs.
“Ajax mentioned that you haven’t been sleeping well,” Alabaster said. Although he held the mask up, like he was examining it with the aloof expertise of someone that Indian Jones would rob, his gaze narrowed at the older boy.
Pax hoped Axel would listen to Alabaster.
Instead, Axel glared at the door entrance, where Pax hovered with another box. Pax thought he’d been inconspicuous. He’d been wrong before though, like the time he tried sneaking into the girl’s bathroom with Matt. Their wigs and fake boobs had taken Pax a full ten minutes to assure they weren’t lopsided.
“You little snitch,” Axel snapped.
Pax gave him an innocent grin. “That’s literally my job.”
Alabaster sighed. “Get out.”
“You told me to carry in boxes,” Pax complained, setting his atop another with a huff. This box was, in fact, full of various bird feathers and did not warrant a huff, but he relied on Alabaster and Axel not to check the label.
“Yes. To carry boxes in. Not to eavesdrop. Take a camou blanket and go find Sphinx.” Alabaster pointed to the door.
Sphinx was Lou Ellen’s Mist cat, one that (Pax was disappointed to discover) could not sprout wings or a tiny human head. Alabaster often pretended Sphinx had escaped to give Lou Ellen and Pax busywork. Pax loved it. They could pretend they were hunting through the savannah. Shoddily-made safari hats included.
Today, Alabaster gave him a meaningful look. After Axel’s last match, Alabaster had agreed to talk to Axel about the nightmares. If nothing else than to get Pax to shut up for thirty minutes. Pax agreed to fifteen and they had themselves a deal.
Pax knew the real solution was to end Axel’s arena fights. Killing legionnaires for sport in front of a live audience? Good for super villains. Not good for secretly-squishy older brothers.
Axel always had nightmares, but he could hardly get through a few hours of sleep without waking up screaming. The nights that he carved a new scar into his cheeks—one for each person he killed—were the worst. “They deserve to be remembered,” he had explained. His morbid collection of trinkets from the dead had grown too large for their room (and too much like a “ZOMBIE VENGENCE HERE” sign for the inevitable apcocolype). Scarification was Axel’s new method.
Apparently, Luke wasn’t about letting Axel stop his fights; Jack said the ratings were too good.
As such, Pax hoped Alabaster could magic the nightmares away. That seemed like a healthy way to repress trauma, right?
“Ajax,” Alabaster said in his Don’t Make Me Remove Your Mouth voice.
Pax scrambled to a box with some of his, Jack’s, and Axel’s band equipment. Prometheus—likely in attempt to gain Alabaster’s eternal hatred—had suggested the boys do band practice in the laboratory while it was being set up. The lab was out in the middle of nowhere and non-disruptive for anyone but Alabaster (a hermit who loved silence). Luke thought this was a grand idea.
Pax’s fingertips found the cold, stretchy fabric of the camou blanket. They hadn’t figured out what to use it for, but Jack was sure some inspiration would hit while they were practicing.
In the meantime, Pax tossed the blanket over his shoulders and slunk out the door.
There were only a few rooms in the building. Boxes littered the front atrium and back entrance. His fingers twitched to think of all the magical ingredients mishmashed in the cylinders resting on walls and various, mysterious jugs. Supposedly, Alabaster had labeled everything. Unfortunately, Matthias was in charge of dropping off their stuff from the Princess Andromeda and had taken the courtesy to do artistic renderings over each label. To put it kindly, Matt was a genius of ideas, but would starve as an artist.
Alabaster’s new laboratory was a pioneer project—the first land-based operation center, functioning almost independent of the soon-to-be self-built Mount Othrys. Pax had ignored most of the politics involved in asking Kronos for the separate space (an area Alabaster, Lou Ellen, and Lamia didn’t need to worry about blowing up the Princess Andromeda while experimenting with magic of mass destruction). All Pax cared about was why they weren’t wearing pioneer hats if this was a pioneer project. He had even offered to reenact dying from cholera a la Oregon Trail, though no one paid him much mind.
This was super top secret. No one knew where it was. Not even Axel and Pax knew where they were going until that morning. Pax wondered what Matt knew about it and how Alabaster had managed to commandeer Axel and Pax during would-be band time. From what Pax had heard, Jack was conspiring to visit as a surprise (which meant he, and by extension, Flynn knew the location). If anyone could puppy-dog-eye information out of people, it was Jack. Pax aspired for such unassuming, devious cuteness.
Pax crept over a Styrofoam box he could only assume contained dry ice and perishable ingredients where Matt had sloppily etched a Yeti. Or those spiky bits could be a crown of thorns for a stick-figure Jesus. Pax would have to talk to Matthias about blasphemy later.
At the front, there were pillars on either side of the entrance, and a low wall between the two of them, forcing anyone advancing to pick one side or the other to enter. Alabaster explained this was in honor of Hecate and there were—in fact—three different paths to take. This led Pax and Axel to energetically vault over the low wall. It warmed Pax’s heart. Alabaster pretended he didn’t care about them, but, for whom else would he personally design an obstacle course?
A tail flicked on the other side of the wall.
Pax crawled up against it.
The front had a concrete patio with no walkway, just long grass, scattered trees, and rolling hills. Soon, the children of Hecate would make runes around the place to ward off attention. They had already put some in place to make it so no one could stumble upon it unless they knew to look for the laboratory. Pax called it paranoid. Alabaster called it preparedness.
The stone wall felt cold against Pax’s back as he flattened himself, keeping the blanket wrapped around him. This gave him a good view through the doorway—in case he could spot Axel or Alabaster for more eavesdropping—and a narrow view outside.
There, curling around the end of the low wall, was Sphinx. Her black hair bristled. Pax assumed she had see him and was lazily coming his way for pets.
However, her head wasn’t turned towards him. Her ears were alert, gaze surveying the tall grass.
Pax opened his mouth to chirp at her.
Something thudded into Sphinx’s neck, pinning her to the building. It happened so fast, Pax didn’t register that Sphinx was dead.
He was accustomed to seeing violence against humans in his favorite gore movies, his father’s “entertainment nights,” and the few cage fights he’d seen Axel do. He was used to it against mythological creatures.
Seeing the thing protrude from her scruffy fur made Pax cover a scream.
An arrow. It had been an arrow.
“Bryce, what the fuck!?” someone hissed, only a few yards away. “It was a cat! You could have given away our position.”
Pax froze, keeping his hands clamped over his mouth. Had he made a clapping sound when he covered his lips?
“A witch’s familiar, Centurion. It might have alerted the leader of Hecate to our presence. It wasn’t a real cat.”
Not a real cat. Pax thought about the times Sphinx had chased him around the ship’s laboratory when he was various rodents, the times she’d snuck into the Pax brother’s room to curl up on Axel’s chest as a space heater, the way Lou Ellen giggled with glee to see her “baby girl” lose all her grace and elegance to the superiority of a laser pointer.
Her Mist body crumbled and collapsed, leaving the arrow pinned into the wall.
Tear burned the rims of his eyes. The urge to sob reminded Pax that he hadn’t been breathing. He couldn’t tell if the world was spinning from a lack of air or from panic. A warning slithered in the back of his head, if you breathe, they’ll know you’re here.
The camue blanket had fallen to his shoulders when he grabbed his mouth. Hands trembling, he clutched the edges.
This voice drifted from the other side of the low wall.
They’re surrounding the building. Pax swallowed. Centurion. Romans.
“You’re fucked up, Bryce,” a third mumbled. “We weren’t supposed to move until Cahoon cut the power.”
If they cut the power, all the phone lines would go down. Unlike other demigods, Kronos’ men didn’t fear drawing monsters with technology; they welcomed new recruits. But, Iris wasn’t exactly cool with delivering messages for the opposing side. If they lost the power lines, they might not be able to get word out.
Pax’s breath went from nonexistent to ragged.
Alabaster had wanted privacy and quiet to set up his lab. Matthias was only supposed to do one drop off that morning. They didn’t know when Jack would show up.
They were alone.
“I can’t wait to mount a lion’s head on my wall,” the second guy, Bryce, muttered. His voice had a bouncy energy to it. Pax had heard of pre-battle jitters. These sounded too light.
A Lion’s Head. Pax choked on a whine. They’re talking about Axel.
“The lion’s head is mine,” a feminine voice stated softly.
“Alright, Ari. Sheesh, we get it. You’re mad that that cannibal ate Julian after he killed him.”
A tiny, detached part of Pax wanted to squeal a protest. Julian? Praetor Julian? The first person Axel had killed. He hadn’t eaten him—Axel fought to get Julian a proper funeral so he would remain uneaten.
Everything felt like it was tunneling to the arrow on the wall. How much time had he wasted cowering here? His brain fumbled. This was it. This was his job. He was the recon guy. That’s what Mercedes had been—
What would Mercedes do?
Pax fumbled to his belt, to the mirror she had specially made for him. It was reflective, but the surface was dulled to minimize glare. He forced himself to take two regularish breaths, to not picture Axel’s head on a wall.
“Damn it, Bryce. How did you get put on this mission? Just remember we’re not supposed to kill the younger kid with the two colored eyes. You heard command. He’s their spymaster’s assistant and a whole wealth of information.”
They know a lot. They know too much.
With as little noise as he could manage, Pax shifted the camue blanket up his arm, so he could hold the mirror with a covered hand. He leaned against the edge of the wall, tilting the mirror to see into the fields.
Memo to self: request magical one-way camue blanket that he could see-through but others can’t.
“He needs to be able to talk. Doesn’t mean he needs to be able to walk.”
“I reiterate: you’re fucked up, Bryce.”
�� “Quiet,” the feminine voice, the centurion, growled.
There they were: not people, but ominous divots in the grass. They might have been wearing camue blankets too, though Pax doubted it. These weren’t professionals. Pax could tell from the loud chatter. He wondered if they’d been gathered in a hurry and hadn’t been able to vet out people like the cat-killer, Bryce.
About thirty feet away, beyond the long grass, two people stood by the power line in construction workers outfits. From what Pax could see, something glinted under the bright orange reflectors: armor. The perfect, quick cover. Alabaster even said they’d been struggling with power and relying on backup generators. Would the Romans know to cut the backup generators?
One thing was certain: there was no referee to yell at the Romans for bringing too many players onto the field. If Pax had to guess, the back door and windows would be covered too. He shivered to remember Mercedes’ fingers glide across his shoulder. Pax Two, I will give you a piece of candy if you can tell me how many doors and windows we passed in this building.
He wished she were here, barking orders about the obvious things he had missed. But, then she’d be in danger too.
If Pax made it out of this alive, he vowed to write a Hey Mr. ADHD song that promoted concentration and calm. There was a back exit, a front exit, and several windows in every room except the very center of the building, where Axel and Alabaster were unaware of their plight. Pax puffed up his cheeks, barely catching himself before he popped them. He didn’t know if there were any secret exits. That would be prime information.
As he crept back through the atrium, he tilted his mirror out the window. Maybe thirty feet away, he caught sight of movement: snipers. The Romans had scouted the building. They would be watching every exit, and likely had attack forces at each entrance.
Panic later. Move now.
The Romans were far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to hear missteps past the atrium, but Pax focused on the memory of Mercedes’ bells strung at his neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and feet. If one of the imaginary bells rang, the Romans might know. They might come in here, skewer Axel, shoot Alabaster in the head with an arrow, and drag Pax off, kicking and screaming.
By the time he reached the central lab, sweat trickled off his face, threatening to make a plopping sound onto the floor. Axel and Alabaster’s voices echoed amongst the boxes. Although they spoke at a normal level, each word made Pax’s ears ring like a cannon.
He couldn’t decipher what they said. The boxes, tubes, and wayward lab and band equipment blurred as he stepped up to Axel, his feet knowing where to go while his mind was numb with fear.
His hand was on his brother’s arm. Axel and Alabaster froze, mid-talk, staring at Pax in worry. There must have been something wrong with his face.
“There is a Roman hitsquad outside. I counted five in the front. There are likely five in the back and there are snipers at every window. They want to kill Axel and take me alive for interrogation. Unsure on their intentions with Witch Boy.”
Once the words were out, it became real. It wasn’t his turn to keep it together. It was Axel’s, the planner.
Which was good, because Pax felt himself tremble with panic.
Thank you for reading! Stay tuned next week to see how well three teenage idiots panic over being surrounded. I hope you guys are staying safe and healthy!
#Axel#Pax#alabaster#Sphinx#SPHINX D:#I love cats and may have cried over this cat that has been mentioned a grand number of two times in the series#Bryce of the Head Shaped like a Dickus#Centurion Ari out for revenge#Tales from Mount Othrys#PJO#HOO#Percy Jackson and the Olympians#Heroes of Olympus#Byrce#Trying to get my steam back#I would rather be giving you guys light-hearted stories right now#but unfortunately this is all backlogged from when I was going through a rough time#soooooo--yay! Angst!#But for real--the rest of the book is basically if all the early 2000 emo bands had a reunion at an Abandoned Twinkies factory
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In Conversation: Malaysian Strippers in Melbourne
In Malaysia, most sex workers are still referred to as “prostitutes” - women that sell sex for payment, a derogatory slur. The definition perpetuates a very narrow vision of sex work for our population. That, combined with the religious underpinnings of many of our laws, criminalizes most forms of sex work and in turn endangers the livelihood of sex workers throughout the country. Many conflate sex work with sex trade/human trafficking but whilst many people that are trafficked are wrongfully subjected to rape and sexual abuse, it is important to not mix a sex worker that has agency versus someone that is being trafficked. Strip clubs/Gentlemen’s clubs are popular destinations across Australia and are not illegal as opposed to Malaysia. I had the pleasure to chat with Kenji and Aria, both Malaysian born and raised, who are or were strippers in the Melbourne industry.
Disclaimer: To protect their identities, the dancers are referred by their aliases and also the reason why this interview was transcribed into a piece of writing instead of a voice recording!
Thank you so much for joining me today, ladies. Let’s dive straight in. How did you both come into the industry and why?
Aria: I love telling this story because it clearly encapsulates how naive I was! I was an international student pursuing my undergraduate degree in Melbourne - it’s a privilege to be able to study abroad but it also comes with a lot of financial strain if you don’t come from the RICH rich section of Malaysian society. I wanted to do more than just the typical go-to-class, study, and done regime. But applying for a job in Australia when you’re fresh out of college and don’t have any credentials, is so difficult. It’s already difficult enough to get a job when you’re qualified so you can imagine the struggle with not much. A friend recommended trying a search for nightclubs that needed podium go-go dancers. I thought, “hell yeah! I love dancing and I think I’m pretty good at it so might as well get paid!”. I went through different job sites and found something on Gumtree, that should’ve been my first indication of dodginess but hey, I didn’t know better. So I scored an interview with what I thought was a night club which turned out to be a gentlemen’s club - a guy friend pointed it out to me when I told him about the interview and where it was! I tossed about whether to go or not but ended up doing it. I wanted to be able to save money and invest in myself so this was a way for me to do just that.
Kenji: I was studying too. I had a slight idea of what the industry was like having met a dancer through one of my friends beforehand. For me, it was kind of like curiosity killed the cat. I’ve always been attracted to the strip club scene but never had the balls because of how taboo it was or is. On my birthday, I did my first audition. I was fortunate enough that I knew someone that was familiar with the industry - so he pointed me towards the more reputable clubs in the city. I did my thing and there were a few other dancers auditioning - they felt pretty stern and unfriendly but having been in the industry myself now, I understand why they weren’t too warm to new dancers because the more dancers there are the more competitive it becomes, on a broader scale. My audition happened during club hours - didn’t get the part because at the time they were looking for girls that could do pole tricks BUT I got tipped which was a nice birthday gift. King street was notorious for being the hub for strip clubs so unknowingly, my best friend and I stumbled across another club. We got in for free at this other club because we were girls. We went straight to the manager and asked about jobs there so we were kind of scouting and wanted to get a dance from one of the girls there to get a better grasp of what it was like. She to this day is still the BEST hustler and dancer in my eyes. She approached us and worked her magic - experiencing this and getting to work with her later on I will always be in awe of how she hustled us. Many that approached us were standoff-ish after they found out we wanted to be dancers but she wasn’t. I ended up applying to that club a few months later and started working. One of my parents fell sick and filed for bankruptcy a few months after I started working so it worked in my favour because I had this as a source of income to support myself while at uni.
What was it like for both of you starting out? Did you have a friend to hold your hands through the initial few months or did you have to hit the ground running and how did it evolve?
Kenji: I’ve definitely got a broader network of sex workers; dancers, escorts, and even pornstars and it’s completely different from when I started out. Like I said before, I had a friend who was familiar with the industry so he was able to answer any queries I had. I remember him telling me, “oh you’ve really come out of your shell” and to an extent, I had, but in saying that, when I’m stripping I’ve got a whole persona going for me. I’ve noticed that with a lot of girls, they have a facade almost. The more full-time you do it, the more you embody that persona. Then the less you do it, especially now with COVID, so many girls in the sex industry speak out about how they feel like they’ve lost their sense of their identity.
Aria: You know I definitely think the loss of identity also spreads across the board of people that have lost their jobs due to redundancies. The sex work industry definitely suffers more because we don’t have a lot of spaces to openly talk about it. I’m no longer a stripper but I feel for my sex workers across the board. But to answer your question, I started in the industry not knowing anyone - it can be quite isolating. I quickly made friends with girls that auditioned the same time I did. We had a rule in the club that newbies had to work every Tuesday night for the 1st 3 months - it was poker night, also very dead but great to practice getting comfortable with the pole and patrons. I think becoming a sex worker really dispelled a lot of the internalized myths, especially when people say that it was/is easy. It’s something that gets signaled through language, through media when you’re growing up that sex workers choose this line of work because it’s easy but if they only knew the sheer amount of work it takes to be a successful one! You need to act, it’s a business, and it’s also a lot of rapport building whether that’s with clients or your fellow strippers. Sex work also opened another door into the hospitality industry for me and it served as a wonderful stepping stone into different work that probably fit better with my schedule.
Kenji: Yes! Dancers can come off as standoff-ish sometimes but I know it’s just a wall to protect themselves from all the bullshit they go through day in day out.
I know the clubs have different touching and no-touching policies. Can you both tell me about how you navigated those boundaries with different patrons?
Aria: Those boundaries were definitely something I learnt about the stripper world, I guess. There are rules and like any workplace, some people think it fit to bend those rules and blur the lines. It’s frustrating because it skews shit for other dancers because then you get the clients that say, “oh but X did this for me and it was fine” Well I’m not them!
Kenji: Exactly! Every strip club has its politics like every other workplace. Stripping can be seen as teasing. “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you go for dinner”. It’s built for these corporate men who have wives at home. I was working at one of the two non-touching clubs in Victoria. I can’t speak for the whole of Australia but it seems like most clubs have a waist and above policy. It would be annoying whenever we’d get clients that kept insisting for more. You’re probably at the wrong club if that’s what you’re after. You came in, there’s a certain set of rules, we don’t want to be touched, none of the girls want that but too often we’re faced with a rebuttal insinuating that another dancer in the club would allow it. When asked who it is, so we can do justice and tell management, often it’s a sham or they’d be ridden with fear. I have seen it happen once or twice but the girls never seem to last many shifts. Some clubs are stricter than others; though it’s difficult to police and check even with all the security cameras because it’s dark and the weekends get pretty busy.
So no touching meaning they can’t touch you at all or are there some exceptions?
Kenji: We call it control touching. So you can sit on them, you can’t grind on their privates. They can have their hands on your waist but not too low.
How did you make the distinction on who to disclose your sex work to? Do you wish you could have been more open about it?
Kenji: It’s something that I’m proud of but secretly proud of. There’s that conflict in my head because it’s not something that’s widely accepted but it’s a great way to filter out those whose values don’t align. People’s views on sex work are a huge prerequisite to whether I can hold space for them in my life or not. I’ve told a few people from home, and there are a few people I regret telling because it’s so easy to slip and that can have a ripple effect. I’ve got a handful of people from home that share this secret, my sister included. It’s a lot easier telling the people I meet in Melbourne being foreign. Dating is a lot easier when you lay out the facts from the get-go - if you can’t take the heat you gotta leave the kitchen!
Aria: It’s so important to be upfront about it. When I started, I told a few friends who I knew wouldn’t react badly to it, all they cared about was my safety. The men I dated in Melbourne were mostly so lovely. Their responses were like “Yas, get that bread!!” It was nice and unexpected. Funnily enough, it was the opposite when I went back to KL and dated during the holidays. I wasn’t dancing anymore at that time but for me, my partner’s views on sex work were important for me to understand their own whorephobia. So I had a great date with this guy and the next day I told him about my previous sex work - he flipped. He said, “how can you be someone that wants to practice feminist values, someone that wants to empower women, and then you do this?!?!”. Sometimes, you have to protect your peace and walk away but I was feeling up to the emotional labour that day. Sometimes, you just have to respond with a little empathy because he grew up with a lot of conservative/puritanical values. So I explained everything to him and unpacked his skewed perceptions and biases; it took him a day to process but hey, now we’ve been dating for almost 4 years. Being a sex worker is part of me and will always be. It’s nice to see people capable of changing their mindset when they get the chance to and when they matter enough to you for you to put in the effort.
Safety is one of the most common things people have concerns about. How did you personally manage your own safety? Whether that's you know, maintaining your anonymity, maintaining safety from clients outside the club, and working late hours?
Kenji: Kenji is my alter ego. Keeping your identity separate definitely helps. With regulars, some have my number but it’s a lot easier to give out your strippergram if you have one. It’s a great way to stay anonymous considering I don’t have my face on there. With physical safety, we’re not allowed to leave with any clients and we’ve got backdoors if we wanna leave unseen. The guards are lovely enough to escort you to your car or uber if they’re not busy breaking a fight or tossing someone out of the club!
Aria: Sometimes, you also just leave with friends and you grab a bite after. Those are some of my best memories after work. It’s 5 am and you go for a quick Maccas run or burger run with the girls.
Kenji: Yes! The guards are your best friends when it comes to safety. They’re big teddy bears to us but vicious to patrons and those who disrespect us. All I have to do is tell a guard someone’s harassing me in order for them to send them out. The night I found out my dad fell sick, I still had to go to work after bawling my eyes out. I went to work at 9 pm and the shift lasted till 7 am. My phone died whilst I was trying to book an Uber so I asked the Head of Security to help hail me a cab. He asked how far away I lived, and it was barely a 5-minute drive so he took his own car and drove me home mid-shift. It’s comforting to know that we’re being looked after.
Aria: I did a lot of half an hour walks back home in the wee hours of the morning. Not the safest, I know but I honestly was at the point where booking an Uber was an expense I didn’t need. I would dress up in baggy clothes and have a large hoodie to protect my safety and you couldn’t tell I was a woman.
Kenji before we started the interview, you briefly mentioned grappling with your sense of identity. Can you delve a little further into this?
Kenji: This club has been my home club for over three years now and that overlaps with the years that I’ve spent in this foreign city. I had a little more of an ambiguous accent back then and it was fun at first but the question “where you from?” grew old. I’d mix it up, play around with my accent, or make them guess and pretend they’d get it right on the first go. These guesses are usually telling of what they want you to be. Further, into my Melbourne journey, it was a lot easier to speak in an Australian accent to cut the story short. This was sometimes confusing to my peers and whoever was close to me. The versatility I have coming from a multiracial country is usually an advantage because of the ability to mirror whoever I speak to but that too can be hard on me especially when I’ve been away from home for a while and it’s difficult to distinguish what home is. That and the persona you adopt in the club because I can be quite the introvert outside of work. I’ve always been an openly sexual person so being in Malaysia definitely hindered me from being my authentic self. It’s suppressing being there in the way I dress, speak, and carry myself. As Aria said, it’s been a part of your life and it will always be there and I completely agree. The best piece of advice I got was that this is a transition, not a destination and I always felt that. You can definitely become a successful full-time stripper and retire with stripper savings but I am studying and I believe that this experience will only supplement what I choose to do in the future!
Aria: That’s definitely relatable. When you’re a dancer, you have to come up with your dancer name and like Kenji said it becomes your persona or alter ego. You have to create a whole character with that and it feeds into how you dress, what your stage performances are like - I feel like my time dancing was a time for me to explore parts of myself I didn't get to, back home in Malaysia. At home, it was always "that's too much" "that's too revealing"....... through stripping, I became so comfortable in my body. The club I worked at had mirrors surrounding the stage and when you turned on the pole, you could see every nook & cranny of your body. If you didn't like what you saw, then you really couldn't expect your clients to buy into your persona - at least I couldn't. So it was almost like I had to fall in love with myself and the character I portrayed. One day I remember thinking "wow, I'm everything.” When you feel that way then people that see you feel similarly when they see you too.
That’s fascinating - so much internal growth. How did you both come up with your names?
Kenji: I always wanted the name KAYA but another girl at the club beat me to it and had it spelled differently. I wanted KAYA because being Malaysian it meant, you know, something sweet, a coconut buttery spread, good ol' Malaysian; it also means rich, and that's exactly what I want to be as a dancer - but of course no one else would know what it meant. Funny thing though, after that I ended up looking up Asian baby girl names because I wanted to market my Asian-ness. "FETISHIZE ME! As long as I'm profiting from it, but don't fetishize me outside of work, that'll piss me off”. The more exotic I was to them, the better. It’s honestly not ideal and I wouldn’t accept it outside of the strip club. Patrons would come up to me and say something like, “My friend likes Asians, do you want to talk to him? I’ll buy him a dance” and I’ll say of course, but in real life, if I were to experience that in a nightclub or a bar setting, fuck no. I will not stand for it.
Aria: Yeah, how do you balance that? I chose Aria randomly actually. With the name though, I realised quickly it was also really racially ambiguous which really mimicked my world outside of work. My name wasn’t a typical Indian name so I’d always get the “Are you Chindian?” or “Are you Eurasian” growing up. And again, you can’t really tell Aria is a brown person’s name, it almost plays into the mystery. Growing up I never felt Indian enough and at the same time didn’t feel Malaysian enough - now I realise that’s absolutely bullshit but we conflate nationality, ethnicity, and culture too often. Outside of dancing, I don’t enjoy it when people fetishize South Asian women and reduce us to just qualities instead of a whole person.
Kenji: I feel that. The more a guy fetishizes me at work, the more of an incentive it is to milk him for it!
Aria: Its powerplay. Who has the power in that moment? It’s up to us to make sure the men believe they do. In the moment though, I am, in fact, profiting from his desires.
Kenji: This is true. One guy pulled the slanted eye gesture and I was quick to walk away from that client. I told the guards about him and this man was apparently being a nuisance to other girls too so it didn’t take long before he was chucked out of the club. Always feels so liberating when that happens. During my baby stripper days, I was naive and genuinely thought I was only selling dances but got to learn that the whole marketing scheme was pivoted around a man’s libido. I understand that now and it’s important to find those boundaries and not let it consume me inside and outside of work.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions of what it’s like to be a stripper?
Kenji: That all strippers are loaded. We all have bills to pay so it’s not like we can dance for free and it’s actually ludicrous the number of times we get asked to do a free dance for whatever reason as if we’re partying with them and not working laborious hours in 6-8 inch heels.
Aria: Another one is that we’re all very sexual just because we’re sex workers.
Kenji: Yes!! We’re sexually open but I think that makes us more protective of whose energies we allow into our personal space.
Aria: When I was dating, I had to weed out the men that only saw me as a sex object. Sex work is my work. Outside of that, I’m not always trying to have sex! I’m a whole person with other interests too. Just like you.
Do you have any favourite clients or stories about them?
Kenji: I love foot fetish guys! They don’t make you dance or anything, they just want to admire your feet. It’s an absolute blessing to have a break in the night where you can put your feet up, literally, and have your feet rubbed and not to mention get paid for it!
Aria: Oh who doesn’t love the simpler clients! My favourite client definitely had to be someone that booked me for 3 hours to just sit and talk. So a regular of one of my good friends at work, let’s call her Lila, walks into the club. He already booked Lila out for the remainder of the night but also had a friend with him and asked her to find a girl to keep his friend company. So she pulled me to the side to see if I was free. That’s where, you know, it’s so important to build good rapport amongst other workers because they can also bring clients and good business to you. It was the best because all this guy wanted to do with me was talk! Lila was fully naked enjoying her time with her person and in my head, I was down to do the same for mine but he turned to me and said, “could you just maybe keep your clothes on and we just talk instead?” so hell yeah! We made great conversation and went on the most interesting tangents - anxiety, his addiction to cocaine and how it fuelled his anxiety which he tried to subside through masturbating to pornography, his struggle dating because most milked him for his wealth.
Kenji: Yes! Completely forgot about those kinds of clients as they’re a lot rarer these days. Some men, typically older and more established tend to just want a chat and have a good time. These men are the best because you can drop your guard and essentially have a break from your usual stripper act. International clients with experience in foreign clubs often come in and you can observe the differences in stripper culture, typically American or European club etiquette... So you have to learn to be assertive of your boundaries and the rules at your club because they come in with their own preconceived rules; especially if you’re in a non-touching club vs a touching club. Clubs have their own set of rules, some have table bookings, some have tipping dollars, some make it compulsory to tip if you’re seated around the stage.
Final thoughts and final words for the people?
Kenji: To anyone that wants to join the sex industry, do your research. It’s so important. It will definitely have an impact on your life. I’ve definitely grown to love my naked body more from this experience. You can say I’m vagina positive - I’m a huge advocate for vagina lovin’, no pun intended. I’ve come a long way from being ashamed of it to be able to recognize that there are so many different types of vaginas and that they’re all beautiful; whatever shape, size, or colour. Anyway, it’s good to know what you’re going up against. For both myself and Aria, it seems like we dove head in. I think it’s done more positive than it has negative for us personally. But many girls do lose themselves in the process, some really hurt themselves because it’s a tough job. Know how to protect yourself while you’re in the industry. Some girls get stuck and don’t know which way is out and it’s difficult when there’s a huge gap in your resume. I feel similarly but I know it’s a means to support myself whilst studying and it’s important to keep a goal in mind and stick to it.
Aria: Sex workers are all different and multi-dimensional, like any other workplace and community. We’re such a diverse background of people. There’s the perception that there’s just one type of person that goes into dancing or goes into sex work, but in reality, people come from various backgrounds. Whether it’s a lifestyle, whether it’s survival work, whether it’s a side hustle; we all deserve respect. To decriminalise sex work and reach a point of respectability, it’s not just us who need to speak out. Clients and patrons need to also try to be unashamed about buying sex or seeing sex workers. People that date sex workers need to call out whorephobia within their circles and address it. Pay for your porn when you have the means to, don’t ask for discounts from sex workers. Respect the work.
It was so lovely to listen to both of their stories. Both Aria and Kenji both talked about how being sex workers pushed them to come out of their shells. Kenji had friends that complimented her newfound assertiveness and Aria personally became a lot more comfortable with her skin suit/ her body. I hope if you’ve made it this far into this piece of writing and conversation that you learnt a new perspective. This isn’t just a story about two sex workers, it’s also a story of two women of colour who are students in a foreign country.
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Survey #305
“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”
Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here.
What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn.
If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A
Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't.
At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to.
Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80.
Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah.
Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step.
What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though.
Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No.
Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math.
Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No.
Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really.
Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white.
Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school.
Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up.
What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it.
Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig.
Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch.
Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state.
Ever paid for sex? No.
During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed.
What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome.
Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no.
How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her.
Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference.
Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know.
Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No.
Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh
What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo?
Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe.
Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another.
Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No.
Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey?
When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good.
What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed.
How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo...
When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that.
Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out.
Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really.
What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent.
What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic.
What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy).
What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao.
What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things.
What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention.
What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig.
How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event?
What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge.
How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha.
What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something.
What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it.
What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have.
If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid.
Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something.
How about a slot machine? I've never played one.
Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right.
What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat.
Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though...
Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks.
What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station.
What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets...
What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console.
Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible.
Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though.
How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought.
What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets.
What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug*
How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook.
Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him.
What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough.
If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago.
Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it.
Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert.
Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah.
What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head.
What's your father's middle name? John.
What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake.
Have you ever vandalized? No.
What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever.
Do you like mice? I love mice!
What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in.
Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo.
What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden.
Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend.
What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it...
What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one.
What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk
Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No.
If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking.
How do you like your steak? Medium well.
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Worldbuilding questions! In your world... Is the economy currency based or based on bartering physical goods? What is most valuable? What is least? | What do dwellings typically look like? What materials are usually used in their construction? Are there stylistic features common among structures? | What is the typical wardrobe like? Colourful or dull? Fancy or functional? Warm or light?
This got super long, so there’s now a read more
~Is the Economy Currency Based or based on Bartering?
a) It depends on location and access. In the Spindle ‘Verse, there are several major economies that happen simultaneously. The major economy that’s is the evolution of our current model of currency but has switched to an entire electronic method. You have your legal methods and your illegal methods of transferring money between people. The legal method is determined based on your UBI which all citizens have once a spindle is installed and they’ve reached the age of sixteen. Citizens can apply for work programs, university education, and internships once they’ve finished schooling but the numbers for each are limited. Each Megalopolis have their own numbers for what positions and jobs are available at any given time. Spindles work as a biometric tag, an identification, access to the internet, access to the government, complete health history. Everything is collated and transferred via the Spindle. Money is no longer physically necessary because those who wish to purchase things, can either purchase them from the net, or if they would like to go to a local store walk in and walk out with their items the system debiting their bank accounts upon leave. However, this hasn’t stopped people from referring to money, the general term used is Coin.
However, to get around these limitations and to have funds available or necessary items not provided by UBI or other means, bartering has sprung up in many places. Most notably you’ll find bartering systems in the old Waterfront, and inside the Weeds. The tent cities that pop up around the waterfront are strictly prohibited from using any forms of currency, they’re given only so much and access so Spindles are limited to citizens only.
That being said, economies spring up where they need to and use whatever they have on hand. Bartering is one of the easiest forms of trade, whether in physical goods or in skill. Pop ups are very common where noncoms open up quick pop markets, for exchange skills (repair services, health services, etc), textiles are very popular.
The Weeds has done something similar with markets and bartering. When the Havens started enforcing limits on jobs and businesses that could be opened they stopped requesting and opened stalls on the street. In the beginning the police tried to quell the markets, claiming they opened up to black market items and illegal goods, but the markets kept on coming and the people fought back. In order to keep the peace the markets were allowed to stay.
Off Comms deal with their economy an even different way, dealing with both currency and bartering systems as necessary. Most OffComms are socialist communes where no one person owns one thing. Things within the public domain are kept there and everyone has access. Fair compensation is given for goods and things like food and shelter are provided and obtained as a collective. It’s not a perfect system and there are things that need to be worked out and communication between everyone is necessary to keep it functioning but so far so good.
~What is Most Valuable/What is Least?
a) Skill sets are one of the most valuable commodity among bartering econs. Textiles, repair services, gardening, cooking, art pieces, jewelry making. All of these have great value within the market because they’re often unique and can be traded one to one. Someone who is very good at carpentry or repair work can barter their services to fix someone’s home for clothing, or for food items not provided or difficult to obtain fresh. In the Weeds, actual money, is useless unless being used one of the registered businesses and you can’t get anything without a spindle anywhere else.
~What do dwellings typically look like? What materials are usually used in their construction? Are there stylistic features common among structures?
a) Homes in the Havens are tall, towering skyscrapers and super sleek apartments. They’re hyper green, with aesthetically pleasing gardens cascading artfully over balconies. It’s full of shining white concrete and sleek metals, tasteful and appropriate flowers and trees. The Havens has all the money, or a lot of it and all the government. And all the control. It’s home of the Spindle, main offices of SpOre and has the largest space cargo hubs in North America. The next largest is in South America in Caracas Venezuela.
The Hub’s location in the Havens is relatively. Following the events of the L_1_Virus outbreak in the 2070s the old system was scratched and a new one was built in the Havens in the early 2080s.
The Havens is a poster child, set up to be photographed and looked at from afar. Not many have the clearance or status to enter the main part of the city except on certain holidays and events.
The Weeds, when it was known as the Garden had much the same infrastructure but overtime and through shitty government handling building in the Garden took on a life of its own until SpOre under the instruction of the Government and with the help of the Spindles to corral growth. (This was much longer and included but I lost all of it because tumblr if you’re interested in the really shitty government handlings and the fact that Canada as we know it doesn’t exist anymore -- neither does the US mind you, I can go into more detail in a separate post)
Materials are pretty simple and prefab within the Weeds and even objects are simple and come with AR enabled options so that people customize their homes based on their spindles not wht’s actually present.
~What is the typical wardrobe like? Colourful or dull? Fancy or functional? Warm or light?
I am going full cyberpunk cliche with the clothing styles, sleek and form fitting with clean lines, or leather and lots of buckles. Think sci fi anime and blade runner had a really well dressed baby. Colours are generally dark greys but that’s to enable the smart coding for the spindles to read the styles. People can change their styles and their clothes on a whim and purchase sets electronically.
There are other ways clothing is produced, and see above with the economy, cloth, weaving, and other forms of textile manufacture are still carried out and done. Some is boutique and sells for ridiculous sums in the Havens. (I have yet to determine the giagantic question of where are the sheep, but this is humanity and I’m just going to say we’ve found a way, and you’re just as likely to see a goat wandering down the streets in the weeds as a cat.
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