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ijustloveharry · 2 years

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HOW COULD HE DO THIS / pt 2 / 3k words

thanks for the love xx here's part 2!

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Y/N woke the next morning alone. She wasn't sure if Harry had left or if he slept on the couch - but she had been laying in her bed for over an hour because she was too scared to find out.

What were they supposed to do now?

Even if she was willing to stay with him, how would it work?

Her heart told her to try to fix it; her brain told her to stop being stupid. Usually her gut was the deciding factor but the only thing she felt was nauseous.

Finally getting the courage, she padded out of her bedroom and into the living room.

Harry wasn't there.

Part of her was relieved, and the other part of her was disappointed.

He had left a letter on the counter, but she couldn't bring herself to read it. She pulled the ice cream tub from the freezer and plopped on the couch. She figured there wouldn't be a better day to have ice cream for breakfast.

Today she felt more rational. She felt like she could really figure out if she could ever get past this or if he really pushed her too far. They had been together for four years, and he hadn't come close to making any major mistakes until now.

Y/N did what any rational person would do the day after someone destroys you; she made a pros and cons list.

Pro: He's Harry styles

Con: He's a dirty cheater

Pro: He treats you well

Con: Until he fucking cheated

Pro: You've invested four years into this

Con: He risked FOUR YEARS by fucking cheating

That got her nowhere, obviously, and she sighed in frustration as she was left even more confused than when she started. She was clearly angry. Sure, she was hurt, but anger was the only thing surfacing right now.

She decided to go to the gym, hopefully that could help her let some of it out.

Y/N packed her gym bag and decided to head to a different gym than usual. Harry always went with her when he was in town - they got a private space, of course, but she didn't want to think about him right now.

Walking into the unfamiliar space, she glanced around and looked for an open treadmill. None. She groaned.

She decided to start with a stretch, hoping that a machine would be vacant when she was done. Y/N was about to pop her headphones in before a familiar voice called her attention.

"Hey - I know you!"

Y/N looked at the source, and saw the same man from the night before. James? Justin?

"Jesse." He said knowingly. "Y/N, right?"

"Yeah" She said, and he took a seat on the mat next to her.

"What the fuck are the chances, hey?"

Minimal, Y/N thought. She hoped he wasn't stalking her.

"Hope you're not stalking me, I workout here everyday and I've never seen you here."

That made her laugh, and it lightened her chest just enough to remind her that she might be okay. She can still laugh. She can still have fun.

"Trying something new, actually. Guess it was meant to be."

"Guess so." He grinned, mirroring her stretches. "I'm here with my friend - er, or whatever"

He indicated to one of the guys on the treadmill.

"Complicated?" Y/N asked

"Very." Jesse smiled sheepishly "He's confused."

"Him and I both." Y/N sighed

"Can I get your number? I meant to ask yesterday but we er- got a bit sidetracked."

"Sure." She said, typing the digits into his phone.

Y/N was kind of relieved to have someone to talk to. She had been ignoring her friends and it was nice to see someone who knew what was going on.

"How are you?" He asked, standing to stretch out his arms

"Been better" She laughed "Harry was outside my apartment when you dropped me off yesterday."

Jesse wasn't looking at her though, and Y/N turned her head to where he was looking.

The TV was playing some trashy gossip show, one she normally wouldn't pay attention to. This time she did. The photos of Harry were up on the screen, the current topic of discussion whether or not he was a cheater or if everyone had been wrong about him actually even having a mysterious girlfriend.

"Guess all Harry's are cheaters, huh?"

Y/N gulped and shrugged, pulling her gaze from the photos she had been trying so hard not to think about.

"Guess so." She mumbled

"What do you do?" He asked "For work, I mean."

Y/N was grateful for the change of subject.

"I'm getting a master's degree in marine biology." She explained "I go back for my last year in September. Right now I'm working as a scuba instructor."

"Oh - that's super fucking cool."

It is super fucking cool, Y/N thought, but she didn't feel the need to say that. "What about you?"

"I'm getting a business degree" He shrugged, offering no further information. "Don't know what I want to do so figured it could be the most universal."

"That's very true." Y/N agreed. She wondered how old he was.

"Do you wanna do something? I was going to do a group class at 11 but I could blow it off."

"Like what?" She asked

"I dunno. There's a cool coffee shop down the road"

"I think coffee will amp me up a bit too much, I came here to blow off some steam." She admitted "But I could just get a water or whatever."

"Well if you want to blow off steam, I have a pretty good idea.."

Y/N raised her eyebrows "Thought you were gay?"

Jesse blushed, realizing how he had sounded.

"Uh" He cleared his throat "Yeah - I meant, I know a place that you could get some anger out. Smashing things, axe throwing, that kind of stuff."

Y/N laughed at his flustered state. They could be friends, she thought.

"Yeah, let's go."

~~~~~~~~

It did help her blow off steam.

She used Harry's emergency credit card and bought out the whole showroom - $1050 to be exact. She smashed glass plates and toilet seats and everything they had into tiny pieces. She whacked the baseball bat around with everything she had and she felt so, so much better afterwards.

"Hell yeah." Jesse cheered, high-fiving her as she finished with the last items.

"That's exactly what I needed."

"Good." He smiled "Hey - isn't that Harry Styles?"

Y/N immediately froze, and Jesse noticed the change in her stature.

"Y/N" Harry said calmly. She had yet to turn around to face him

"Wait you know him?" Jesse asked, baffled. He was excited, Y/N assumed he must be a fan.

"Yes." She sighed, turning to face the man she had finally just forgotten about.

"Harry fucking Styles." Jesse said under his breath "Harry! Ohhh, damn."

She winced as the wheels turned in Jesse's head. His eyes narrowed at Harry.

"Hey - I used to really like you and all that so it totally sucks that you're a huge dick"

Harry's jaw clenched at the man beside her, and Y/N silently prayed Jesse would stop.

"Y/N is fucking great-"

"I know. I don't need you to tell me that." Harry said between his teeth.

"Well, apparently you do." Jesse retorted

"How'd you even find me here, Harry?" Y/N hoped to stop the two men from going at it.

"You used my credit card." He said simply

"Yeah - I kinda figured you owed me." She mumbled.

"Sure." He said. He didn't really know why he came here.

"Okay... Is that all, or?" Y/N was starting to get annoyed.

"I just needed to see you." He pleaded.

"Should've thought about that before you cheated in front of the whole world" Jesse muttered. Harry's eyes snapped to him

"Who the hell are you again?" He growled. Y/N stepped in front of Jesse.

"Okay - Harry, let's just go outside, yeah?"

He didn't move, though, he kept his eyes locked onto Jesse.

The two stared at each other for what felt like hours, and Y/N shifted uncomfortably between them.

"You don't have to go anywhere with him, you know." Jesse said to her, and Y/N knew he meant well but wished they would both just shut the hell up.

"Why don't you just mind your own business, mate." Harry growled, his annoyance growing my the second.

"You don't need to be so rude." Y/N snapped back. "I'm leaving now."

"Let me drive you-" Both of them said, stopping to glare at the other.

"Can you just fuck off, please?" Harry snapped at Jesse, who just glared back.

"Think you're the one who should fuck off, mate." Jesse mocked.

It was then Y/N walked away. She was supposed to be taking the edge off, and this was not helping.

"I'll find my own ride." Y/N said simply, she couldn't believe either of them thought they were helping.

"Now look what you've done." Harry rolled his eyes, and Jesse looked at him flabbergasted.

"Look what I've done? We've had a great time and you came in and ruined her whole mood." Jesse snapped "I don't even know her that well and can tell she doesn't want to see you"

Something in Harry snapped at that, and while Y/N didn't see it, she heard the impact. She turned around to see Jesse on the floor, holding the side of his face

"Let's go." He growled at her, pulling on her arm. She ripped herself from his grasp.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? No- I'm not going anywhere with you." Y/N said "You should just go."

"Y/N-"

"Just fucking go - Harry. I don't want to see you. Stop calling me, stop finding me, just fucking go." She said calmly. She didn't want to escalate anything further than it had been.

Harry sighed in defeat and left, offering an apology to Jesse before he walked away.

"I'm so sorry Jesse" Y/N cried once Harry was gone "I don't even know what the fuck just happened."

"I do." Jesse smirked "He was jealous."

He removed his hand from his face, revealing a forming bruise on his left eye.

"Oh my god" She cried harder "What the fuck"

"It's all good." Jesse shrugged "I can take it. I egged him on, I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry" She mumbled, wiping her under eyes with the sleeve of her sweater.

Y/N had never been afraid of Harry. She wasn't sure she really was, she didn't think he would hurt her, but she had never seen him be violent and was shocked anyone could push him that far.

Maybe she didn't know him very well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Of course someone had recorded it.

'Harry Styles fist fight' was trending almost everywhere, and Y/N couldn't be more humiliated.

You could see her very clearly in the photos and videos. You could hear Jesse's remarks. The whole world knew now.

They had never been photographed together, ever. He was very careful, very particular, and wanted to keep her separate so it didn't make things more messy for their relationship. Paps were aggressive, fans were aggressive, and Y/N had gained over 500,000 followers on instagram that same day.

She locked herself in her room. She had countless notifications from strangers and multiple unanswered texts from her loved ones. She lost her job. Negative publicity never did good things for regular people.

The internet applauded Harry for 'defending her honour'. People assumed she had been cheating first and that Harry just snapped. Others assumed she had cheated with Jesse to get back at him. Most agreed Jesse must've deserved it. It's all people were conspiring about.

Y/N was furious. She didn't understand what was going through his head and she couldn't believe he allowed her name to get out there like this.

He didn't call her.

Granted, she told him not to. But she figured he would reach out given the circumstances.

She didn't know what to do. She had some money saved, she could be fine for a few months. This wouldn't wreck her schooling or her career. She could sell a statement if things got bad. She was lucky money wasn't her biggest concern.

Her phone buzzed on the side table and she groaned at the thought of someone else she knew asking her why she didn't tell them she was dating Harry Styles.

Can't believe there is photos of me getting my ass beat by Harry Styles

She smiled at Jesse's text.

Wasn't an ass beating, but yeah, not your best look.

Made Trevor super jealous though. Makes no sense.

Trevor = treadmill boy.

Maybe he was jealous you blew off blowing him to smash shit with some random girl.

Don't think thats it.

Y/N wasn't sure what that meant.

I think you should forgive him.

Y/N was appalled by that

Wtf why would I do that

I think he really loves you

Y/N rolled her eyes

Too much maybe.

Can never love too much.

I'm being serious. He's hurting

I don't feel bad for him

You shouldn't. But you should call him, at least see if he's ok

Did he hit your head too hard

No, maybe reading too much fanfiction tho

Y/N snorted, so he was a fan.

Was getting punched by Harry Styles on your bucket list or something?

Maybe

Weirdo

I just think he's desperate and desperate people have really stupid ideas

I'm not desperate so I'm not sure I should go along with your stupid ideas

Hey!

Y/N smiled to herself

hey

Just think about it

okay, jeez

thank u.

Y/N plugged her phone in, ending the conversation there. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to think after that.

Sighing, she got up from the bed and headed to get a drink from the fridge. She paused as she saw the unopened letter on the counter. She hesitated before opening it.

Y/N

I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't know how to forgive myself so I don't know how you could move past it either.

Please meet me for lunch? Our favourite spot? Noon? We don't have to talk, we don't have to do anything. Just come if you feel you want to or there is any part of you that thinks this can be fixed.

I love you,

Y/N breathed out. Clearly she didn't show up for lunch, and she tried to push down the guilt she was beginning to feel.

"No" She said to herself aloud. It wasn't her fault she didn't want to read it, and it's wasn't her fault he reacted the way he did.

She did decide to call him, though.

"Hey" He answered solemnly. She could tell he wasn't himself right now

"Hey." Y/N but her lip. She didn't know what she wanted to say. "I just read your letter."

Harry let out a breath, but didn't say anything right away.

"Oh."

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't know what it was going to say when I saw it there yesterday and just didn't really wanna read it yet. Obviously, I didn't realize."

"It's okay." He assured. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"Yeah." was all she said. He should be sorry.

"I don't know what came over me." He admitted

"I dunno, H, but it was fucking whack." She was biting her lip hard now. She really didn't know where she was hoping this would go.

"Yeah." He said. They sat in silence for a moment.

"It was an employee." He broke the silence "That sold the footage."

"Oh." She replied. Who cares?

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Well it did, Harry."

He sighed. "Yeah, I've been on calls all day about how I'm supposed to fix this."

"And how are you supposed to fix this." She said. It was a statement more than a question. He couldn't fix this. Her name was already out.

"I can't." He said. "Not anything I'm willing to say, I guess just let it blow over."

She was angry at that, and decided not to hide it.

"I'm so glad it'll just blow over for you, Harry, but my entire fucking life just changed and I'm not sure that it'll ever go back."

"I know." He whispered. She could tell he was crying.

"How could you do this? Did you really think that was going to make it any better?"

"I wasn't thinking at all." He admitted

"Clearly." She rolled her eyes.

"You didn't show up for lunch, I got the notification about the credit card and I just drove there. I didn't think about any of it. I just wanted to see you and try." He rambled "And then you were there with some fucking guy-"

"Some guy is named Jesse, and we're literally just friends Harry. I met him at the bar two days ago and the fact that you even found him threatening is absolutely insane. Do you think I would do that? Do you think I could? We haven't even broken up yet-" Y/N was crying now

"I didnt-"

"You didn't what, Harry? You didn't think? You hadn't thought about that? That's all you've been saying. That's not good enough. You should be thinking about me. But you've only been thinking about yourself, and that's the problem."

Harry was silent at that.

"Yeah, okay. You're right."

"I don't know what to tell you or how could you possibly fix this but I know that whatever is going through your head is absolutely not working for me." Y/N sighed "I just need space, Harry. I need space to stop being so fucking angry so I can see if I can even stomach forgiving you."

"Okay." He finally said "Okay, I'll leave you alone, Y/N, I promise."

Tears were spilling down her cheeks. Is this what she wanted?

"I'll call you Harry, when I'm ready. I promise I will." She meant that. Either way, she would tell him how she feels.

"I have to go." He gulped. "A few things I have to do for work."

"Sure." She sighed.

"I-" Harry hesitated and Y/Ns heart shattered at that.

"I love you too, Harry. But I think that's my issue right now. Loving you hurts too much."

Harry hung up the phone and rested his head in his hands. He only waited a moment before making the call he was sure he'd regret.

~~~~~~~

Y/N's new job started a little over a week later. Didn't take her long to find something that was out of public access, somewhere that wouldn't get bombarded with calls and emails asking for information about her. No one would know she's hidden away in the back.

She was working in a small aquarium, identifying fish that had been rescued and direcing them to the proper rehabilitation centers in the country. She liked it way more than scuba diving.

She had her headphones in, rummaging through a textbook as she listened to Taylor Swift. Classic breakup anthems to help her through.

Her phone buzzed, but she ignored it. She was on the clock; couldn't be that important.

But then it buzzed again. And again. and again.

She groaned and finally gave in, pulling it from her back pocket.

Jesse Hey, did you see this?

Mariana Ummm ok Harry tho?? maybe I take back the long rants from before - if you don't take him back, pls give him my number

Bethany Yo did you see that Harry interview.... sorry to bring it up if you did but didn't want you to be blindsided if not. text me back!!!

Dad why does this harry boy have your name in his mouth

Brotha do we need to beat up Harry Styles or are you believing his stuntin ass

Harry hope I didn't cross any lines x I love you

Y/N stared at the screen silently as she debated watching it. She only had 16 minutes left in her shift but she wasn't sure she could wait that long.

Sighing, she clicked the video and held her breath as it began to play.

"Harry!" The host cheered as he came out. Harry looked good, really good, and Y/N cursed his stylist for doing this to her heart.

"Hello." He smiled. Y/N was sure she couldn't be the only one who knew it wasn't genuine.

"So, what's up?" The host raised his eyebrows "Got some new music coming out?"

"Not quite." Harry fiddled with his rings. He was nervous. "A couple movies, though."

"So I've heard. Not sure they can top your latest performance, though."

The screen behind played the clip of Harry's fist hitting Jesse, and Y/N winced at the impact. She hadn't seen the video yet, and it looked much worse than it seemed at the time.

"Yeah... Not my best moment" He said sheepishly. He didn't look up at the screen.

"Wanna tell me what's going on here?" The host trailed, prying for more

"Just like the final straw in'na huge series of mistakes, i guess."

Y/N couldn't tear her eyes away from how he was playing with his hands. He was very nervous.

"Vague, okay. Can you tell me who this is" The screen zoomed in to Y/N's face, catching the exact moment she realized what had gone on. She looked scared, she looked upset. Harry had never seen her look at him like that; It made him sick.

"Biggest mistake." There was a ghost of a smile on his face "I fucked up pretty bad and I guess this was my way of trying to make it up to her. Didn't work."

"Can't imagine why." The host joked

The screen flashed to the pictures of him on the beach

"Fucked up like... this?" The host asked, and Harry turned to look this time

"Yeah. They're real, to settle the debate. I cheated, and have never regretted anything more in my life."

"Damn, can't believe I didn't even know you had a girlfriend. I've been giving your number out to loads of girls who I thought you'd pair nice with."

"Thanks" Harry deadpanned "But I only have eyes for her"

"For.. her?" The screen flashed back to the earlier photo of Y/N and her stomach knotted. She hated that people knew who she was.

"Y/N, yeah." Harry said, running his hands through his hair. "There isn't much to say about it, yeah? She was perfect and it was great and I fucked it up. I tried to fix it and I fucked it up even worse."

"Well I don't know about that." The host said, the screen flashed back to the punch. "You look like a hero to me"

Something flashed in Harry, and his nostrils flared.

"That doesn't make me a hero. That doesn't make me brave. It's bad enough I have to see my lowest point back on video, but people applauded this like it's okay?" Harry licked his lips, trying to remain his composure. "Her face in that video broke my fucking heart. It doesn't make me big or manly. It makes me a coward and I'll be lucky if she ever looks at me again. She doesn't need me to defend her. She doesn't need me at all - and now she doesn't even want me, so I'm not sure why anyone thinks that this is impressive."

Y/N was surprised at Harry's vulnerability. He always shared as little as possible and he never commented on the things people said about him.

"Wow - damn. I guess yeah." The host clearly wasn't expecting that, indicating to Y/N that Harry had went off script. She couldn't help but wonder what he was supposed to say.

"It's nobody's business, and obviously I run that risk with my work, but that has nothing to do with her." He stated plainly "My mistakes aren't her mistakes. I loved her - I'm in love with her, and I fucked it up and that's the whole story."

The host nodded in agreement, and strategically narrowed the interview towards a fight scene in his upcoming movie. Y/N stopped the video there and sat in silence for a moment.

She knew this was for her. It would have blown over for him- he said it to her himself. But he would rather his reputation tank than have her name out there as anything other than the narrative he could steer it to.

Y/N cried, then. Y/N AND HARRY was trending on twitter and she couldn't bring herself to click on it. She had gained another hundred thousand followers on instagram and she wanted to throw her phone in the fish tank and just leave the face of the earth.

But she didn't. She called Harry.

"Hi" He said softly

"Hey"

"Sorry - I hope I didn't make it worse."

"You didn't." She admitted. She wasn't going to tell him that he made it any better, though. "Can I see you?'

Harry was silent for a moment. This wasn't his motive - he wasn't trying to fix anything this time. He just needed them all to stop.

"Are you sure?" He finally asked "Cuz I wasn't trying-"

"I know you weren't. And no, I'm not sure. But I want to come over, is that okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's okay."

"Okay, I'm on my way."

#harry styles angst #hrry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic

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