#how to stay fit in a pandemic

[yamameta-inc]

The Swiss Cheese Model of Covid Prevention

An edited version of the swiss cheese model tailored towards the measures that you as an individual can take to minimize your risk of infection. Public health is ultimately what its name implies, public, but that doesn't mean you're powerless.

Covid prevention is not all-or-nothing. Think of it as risk reduction, rather than a binary.

Let's go through these step by step.

VACCINES

The current vaccines are meant primarily to reduce chances of severe illness, hospitalization, and death. They will reduce your chance of infection a bit--but not nearly as much as you might think. You should still get your boosters regularly, because avoiding severe illness is of course worth doing.

If you haven't gotten the updated monovalent vaccine yet, go get it. It is not a booster. Think of it as a new vaccine. It's targeted towards the XBB lineages, which are now the most common variants. Your last boosters were likely of the bivalent type, aimed at both the original Covid strain from 2020 and Omicron. The new vaccine is monovalent, meaning it targets one family in particular.

Some studies suggest that the Novavax vaccine, which is a more traditional protein-based vaccine, is more effective and safer than mRNA vaccines, and offers better protection against future variants. Of course, the data we have so far isn't 100% conclusive (the last paper I linked is a preprint). Make of these findings what you will, just something to keep in mind. The new Novavax vaccine's availability is still limited, especially outside of the US.

MASKS

Masking is one of the most effective ways to protect yourself. While it is true that masking and reducing Covid transmission protects those around you, the idea that masks can't protect the wearer is outdated information from the early days of the pandemic when medical authorities refused to acknowledge that Covid is airborne.

The key to protecting yourself is to wear a well-fitting respirator. You want to minimize any gaps where air might leak out. If your glasses get fogged up, that's a sign that air is leaking.

Headbands will always have a tighter fit than earloop masks (and therefore provide better protection). However, you can use earloop extenders to improve the fit of earloop masks. You can find these online. Your comfort in wearing a mask is important, but there are options for compromise.

The above graphic doesn't include elastomeric respirators. While some (like the Flo Mask) are expensive, they can be much more affordable than buying disposables--look for P100 respirators at your local hardware store, but make sure it fits your face well.

For more general information, see this FAQ. For mask recommendations (NA-centric, sorry!), see my list here or Mask Nerd's YouTube channel.

For situations where you need to hydrate but don't want to take your mask off, consider the SIP valve.

Not even N95s are foolproof (N95 means it filters at least 95% of particles--with the other 5% potentially reaching you). Most people will likely not have a perfect fit. There will be situations where you'll have to take your mask off. The key is risk reduction, and that's why the Swiss cheese model is crucial.

If you can't afford high-quality masks, look for a local mask bloc or other organization that gives out free masks. Project N95 has unfortunately shut down. In Canada, there's donatemask.ca.

AVOID CROWDED INDOOR SPACES

This is rather self-explanatory. Indoor transmission is much, much, much more likely than outdoor transmission. If it's possible to move an activity outdoors instead, consider doing so.

If possible, try going to places like stores or the post office during less busy hours.

Viral particles can stay in the air for a considerable amount of time even after the person who expelled them has left. Do not take off your mask just because no one is currently present, if you know that it was previously crowded.

A CO2 monitor is a decent proxy for how many viral particles may have accumulated in the air around you. The gold standard is the Aranet4, but it's expensive, so here are some more affordable alternatives.

VENTILATION AND AIR FILTERS

Ventilation is effective for the same reason that outdoors is safer than indoors. If it's warm enough, keep windows open whenever possible. If it's cold, even cracking them open occasionally is better than nothing. Try to open windows or doors on different sides of a room to maximize airflow.

HEPA air filters can significantly reduce viral transmission indoors. Make sure to find one suitable for the room size, and replace the filters regularly. You want to look for devices with HEPA-13 filters.

You can use websites like these to calculate how long it takes for a device to change all the air in a room. Remember what I said about viral particles being able to hang around even after people have left? If an air purifier provides 2 air changes per hour, that means that after 30 minutes, any potential viral particles should be gone.

If you can't afford a commercial air filter, here's a useful DIY filter you can make with relatively simple materials. The filtration capacity is great--but due to being built with duct tape, replacing filters will be a challenge.

If you have to hold meetings or meet with people at work, having a smaller filter on the desk between you will also reduce chances of infection.

As a bonus, HEPA filters will also filter out other things like dust and allergens!

REDUCE LENGTH OF EXPOSURE IF EXPOSURE IS UNAVOIDABLE

Viral load refers to the amount of virus in a person's blood. If you've been exposed to someone with Covid, how much you've been exposed matters.

You might escape infection if the viral load you've been exposed to is very small. Or, even if you get infected, there will be less virus in you overall, leading to milder illness--and crucially, a lower chance of the virus penetrating deep into your body, creating reservoirs in your organs and wreaking long-term havoc.

A low viral load is also less contagious.

This is the same reason that wearing your mask most of the time, but having to take it off for eating, is still much better than not wearing your mask at all.

RECHARGEABLE PORTABLE AIR FILTERS

You might attract some odd looks. But if you're at high risk or just want to be as protected as possible, small portable air filters can help. Try to find models small enough to take with you on public transportation, to school, or while traveling.

These devices will be far too small to clean the air in the whole room. The goal is to have it filter air in your immediate vicinity. Be sure to angle the device so that the air is blowing in your face.

Unfortunately, rechargeable devices are much rarer and harder to find than normal air filters, and many are also expensive.

The best option at the moment, apart from DIY (which is possible, but you need to know what you're doing), seems to be the SmartAir QT3. The size and shape are a bit clunky, but it fits in a backpack. Its battery life isn't long, but it can be supplemented with a power bank.

NASAL SPRAYS

There's some research that suggests that some nasal sprays may be effective in reducing risk of infection by interfering with viruses' ability to bind to your cells.

These sprays are generally affordable, easy to find, and safe. The key ingredient is carrageenan, which is extracted from seaweed. So there are no potential risks or side effects.

Be sure to follow the instructions on the packaging carefully. Here's a video on how to properly use nasal sprays if you've never used them before.

Covixyl is another type of nasal spray that uses a different key ingredient, ethyl lauroyl arginate HCI. It also aims to disrupt viruses' ability to bind to cell walls. Unfortunately, I think it's difficult to obtain outside of the US.

CONCLUSION

None of the methods listed here are foolproof on their own. But by layering them, you can drastically reduce your chances of infection.

The most important layers, by far, are masking and air quality. But you should also stay conscientious when engaging with those layers. Don't let yourself become complacent with rules of thumb, and allow yourself to assess risk and make thought out decisions when situations arise where you might have to take off your mask or enter a high-risk indoor area, such as a hospital.

Remember that the goal is risk reduction. It's impossible to live risk-free, because we live among countless other people. But you can use knowledge and tools to keep yourself as safe as possible.

#covid #this took a while... i feel like i forgot stuff #but i can't think of what atm

[mockingjaysnakes]

some facts about tom blyth:

did therapy.

he has a motorcycle.

he used to draw, learning how to use oil colors and mixing paint would be a feasible hobby to fit in between concerts.

in an interview he said: "i like the idea of doing something that scares me because that's where you learn the most."

his teenage (and ironic) fear of snakes derived from Indiana Jones and the unknown terrors that lurk in deep waters were conquered through exposure therapy.

he is studying and learning to speak Italian for his next film.

the mix of teenage angst, self-loathing and mischief has been processed in therapy. Now that you have competent knowledge, confidence and experience, acting has become more of something you can experiment with, learn from and expand on.

for Tom, acting used to be a form of escape. In an interview he talked about it: "i love accents, costumes, anything that takes me further away from myself because before I simply wanted to be anything but myself."

Donald Sutherland was actually one of his favorite characters in the original films of 'the hunger games'. In an interview he spoke about him and said: "i think he is one of the best villains in modern cinema."

Maya Hawke and Tom met at the Juilliard audition, the first time they started talking was at a school question and answer session.

he always creates a playlist for each character he's playing.

he gets a little camera shy when playing himself.

his passion for acting was influenced by his father, although he did not spend much time with him because he died when he was young.

during the pandemic, Tom was living in a cabin in the woods upstate, and he got up at 8 a.m. every day to chop wood for the wood stove to stay warm. "I was living this kind of lonely life and auditioning every day and just looking for the right job."

he loved western movies when he was a child.

at the premiere of The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, in Los Angeles. After he took off his oversized jacket, exposing his arms, Rachel Zegler spent the next day sending him messages about the "thirst trap."

his favorite rom-com movie is 'When Harry Met Sally'.

#tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg #the hunger games #tom blyth #coriolanus snow #billy the kid #william h bonney #interviews #facts #celebs #rachel zegler #movies #maya hawke #donald sutherland #things about him #actor

[robfinancialtip]

🗽🌍Raja Iqdeimat, a successful pastry firm owner, describes her story. Born in Abu Dhabi, she grew up in several places, including Libya, Lebanon, Jordan, and Kuwait before moving to Turkey, California, and finally New York. Despite her parents' lack of education, she was the first member of her family to pursue higher education and succeed. She credits her parents for instilling entrepreneurial skills and determination in her despite their lack of formal schooling.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🌱Growing up as the youngest member of a large family of nine, Raja felt unusual, but she believed that each family had a unique person who contributed in different ways. Despite lacking a formal education, she describes how her father was a successful businessman who inspired her to pursue her aspirations. Raja's mother, though uneducated, was hardworking and concerned about her family's well-being, imparting in Raja a strong work ethic and tenacity.

😔💼Growing up in different places and seeking a profession in finance was filled with personal losses and difficulties. Despite working as a brokerage manager in Jordan for seven years, dealing derivatives, equities, and bonds, she felt great loneliness following the deaths of her parents when she moved to the United States as a single mother without a broker's license. When the mass layoff in 2008, she was unemployed for six to seven months in California, struggling to support herself and her kid. Realizing that California's emphasis on the film industry did not fit with her career goals, she boldly moved to New York, where she swiftly obtained a job at an insurance firm and began rebuilding her life.

🏙️🎉While working at a New York bank in 2018, her manager questioned her capacity to buy a Manhattan apartment, which proved critical. This distrust motivated Raja to pursue entrepreneurship and independence. Despite difficulties and misgivings, she bravely launched her own business, motivated by her passion for entrepreneurship and need for autonomy. This marked the beginning of Délice Macarons, her venture into the world of cooking pastry, and her journey toward self-reliance and success.

🚀🧁Raja, a dessert shop owner in New Jersey, faced challenges during the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite lacking retail expertise, she managed everything from decoration to recruitment, relying on her entrepreneurial flair. She and her chef friend opened their first physical store in Cranford, New Jersey, in January 2020. Despite financial constraints, they shifted their business strategy to focus on fundamental products like bread. Raja's resilience and ability to transform adversity into opportunity remained evident.

🌟🗣️Raja's message encourages listeners, emphasizing the value of endurance, adaptation, and believing in oneself. Despite various barriers, including financial difficulties and the enormous task of beginning a business in a new nation, she stayed determined to succeed, demonstrating that anything is possible with devotion and hard work. Raja's path demonstrates the importance of taking risks, pursuing passion, and never giving up on one's goals. Her tale resonates with individuals who want to overcome obstacles and succeed on their terms. Raja highlights the importance of perseverance, hard work, and financial acumen. She promotes confidence in oneself and pursuing one's goals, emphasizing that hard work combined with passion may lead to success in any activity.

#Youtube

[swampgallows]

do you have advice on how to find a mask for someone who legit, for real has difficulty breathing through one? i get badly congested because of the build up of humidity/moisture (plus a deviated septum), so then i have to remove the mask to blow my nose every 10 seconds which obvi defeats the purpose. i've tried to do research but i'm having trouble finding answers to this specific query. since you seem knowledgeable i would really appreciate any pointers if you have them. thank you.

hi! first of all thank you so much for wanting to mask despite the difficulties. second, i want to mention that im not a science or medical-type person of any kind, just a high-risk civilian trying to stay alive through the ongoing pandemic.

with the widespread non-industrial use of respirators in dealing with covid, there are manufacturers that have been looking for more comfortable, casual options while still offering adequate filtration. however many of these kinds of masks are either quite expensive, perpetually hard to acquire/sold out, or aren't fully NIOSH-approved (or equivalent standard). so my recommendations will be for only NIOSH-approved headstrap N95s.

since you have a structural condition (deviated septum), finding a breathable mask that fits your face without agitating your sinuses is essential. you'll want to be sure it's large enough that it's not pinching or putting too much pressure on your nose bridge. some users in the Masks4All subreddit have said saline rinses and BreatheRight strips can alleviate congestion issues, along with the right kind of mask. exploring a variety of mask shapes may help you!

finding a well-fitting respirator is difficult because there is no "one size fits all", but the 3M Aura 9205+ comes close! it's available in many areas and fits a wide range of faces. this is the mask i use. the "tri-fold" shape allows me to talk or laugh without compromising the seal or brushing against my face, compared to a typical "cup" shape N95. they also come individually wrapped, so it's easy to keep one in your car or bag, or distribute to others.

according to many who are "still coviding", the most breathable masks are the "duckbill" shape like the Gerson 3230+. I personally haven't tried them myself as I'm put off by the shape, but many duckbill wearers say that they easily overcome this "flinch" once they feel how comfortable it is, and that it's their go-to mask for extended wear or strenuous activities like the gym.

a more standard shape said to be close to the comfort of the duckbill is the 3M 9105 VFlex. It still has a larger silhouette than the Aura, but the duckbill look is less pronounced. "bi-fold" mask shapes like the BNX N95 can also put less pressure on your nose and allow more breathing room while keeping a slimmer profile.

you can also try something like the Readimask, a strapless mask that adheres to your face with medical adhesive (think like a band-aid). these can be a little more expensive, but you can order a free sample pack for sizing purposes (free plus shipping, mine was only $5 in the US) and see if it works for you.

if you feel that the humidity/moisture is more of an issue than your septum, you may also want to look into valved masks, but be warned: masks with an exhaust valve only protect the wearer, and not the people around you. reserve these only for situations where you will be one-way masking. particles cannot enter through the valve, but particles you exhale exit into the ambient air. however, if you are in a situation where you find you are the only person masking and everyone else is breathing unfiltered air anyway, a mask with an exhaust valve is fine. reusable elastomeric respirators often have exhaust valves, but there are disposable versions too, like the 3M Aura 9211+ above.

"mask nerd" Aaron Collins has a full demonstration and overview of many of these masks in his most recent video. He also discusses earloop masks if you prefer those:

you can also view AccuMed's Mask Testing Data and sort by lowest to highest breathability (lower numbers indicate the pressure drop = better breathing). This doesn't have every mask on the market (for instance, it's missing the VFlex), but it does have many common brands/models. Aaron Collins also made his own spreadsheet of over 200 masks he fit-tested himself.

i hope this gives you a launchpad to find something that works for you!

#masking #still coviding #covid #covid is airborne #covid is not over #anon #ask #long post

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

lrt the key thing to remember about covid is that it isn't magic. It has to get in you first before it can infect you, and you have to have a certain amount of viral load before it can take over (it doesn't take much anymore, but it still has to reach that threshold).

The key to being able to do fun, indoor things is to find an n95 or higher respirator, test to make sure it fits you without leakage, and then do not take off your mask. ever.

This is where it gets people. I hear tons of stories from people who caught Covid even though they masked, and it almost always turns out they took it off for one reason or another.

"Hungry or thirsty?" Eat and hydrate beforehand or plan to stay until you get hungry. If you have a medical condition where you have to eat or take meds while you're out, find a place outside and bring multiple masks so you can put on a fresh one when you're done. For thirst, they actually make something for this. Do not take off the mask.

"What if we wanna take a selfie?" Take them beforehand or keep the masks on. Do not take off the mask.

"What about air breaks?" No air breaks. If you can't tolerate being in a mask for long periods, you cannot safely go to long events. Do not take off the mask.

Respirators have a seal. When you break the seal by taking it off, they do not work as effectively. The seal can also break after a certain amount of use, which changes depending on how many other people are masking around you. I used to have a diagram showing how long each masks last in different situations, but I sadly cannot find it so I won't say a specific time since I can't confirm it, but this is essentially why if I'm going to attempt something riskier, I wear a p100 because those are good for 8hrs before you have to change the filter, and anything that I go to indoors won't be more than 3hrs (simply because I'm old and I ain't staying out longer than that lol)

I really appreciate that op made a psa, because the point of that post I think a lot of people are missing is that we need to be in full pandemic mode specifically because of the wave. But the problem with writing Covid things in a sensational kind of way is that it makes mitigation seem like an impossible task that requires monk like sacrifice, and that makes people immediately shut down. It's not, even in a huge wave like this. Will you have to change your routine and behaviors, and some of those changes might be inconvenient? Absolutely. But they will never be impossible. It's important to remember that adaptation isn't sacrifice. You're not "giving up" anything. You're still gonna be able to have your social needs met, you'll just be doing it in a different way for awhile.

If you want to hang out with a small group of friends at their/your house, and it's too cold to be outside or you just don't want to, the safest way to do it is universal masking, full vaccinations, testing multiple times beforehand, and using at least one air purifier that filters up to 0.1-0.5 µm in the room you'll be gathering in. This can be done diy with a Corsi-Rosenthal box if you need something cheaper! Air filters suck in viruses faster than people can breathe them in, so the risk of getting covid would be incredibly low in this situation (but never zero). If you want to share a meal, know that taking off the masks will increase the risk, but at least let the purifer run at the highest setting tolerable for an hour before doing so

If you can't afford to stop reusing your N95s, I recommend either locating a mask bloc near you and ask for some mask donations, or buy an elastomeric n95 like this one. There are many to choose from and while they are more expensive, they're reusable, with the filter only needing to be changed after 8 hours (or sooner if in a big crowd)

Some people are currently inventing portable air-purifiers you can pair with masks, and you can 3-D print them!

You're at work/the dentist/some other situation where you absolutely can't go outside in a non-crowded space, and you need to take down your mask? Nasal sprays like this one can be a good extra layer of protection for these situations. You can always, like with most viruses, rinse out your nose after being in public and rinse your mouth with CPC mouthwash for even more extra layers of protection.

One of the frustrations I have with the current Covid advocacy is that it's still largely focused on near-total abstinence, which has never been and never will be an effective education tool. I prefer taking a cue from AIDS advocacy and focus on education and providing resources. Of course, staying home is the only way to stay 100% safe, and you should choose contactless options whenever you can as long as the pandemic is still going. But isolation is becoming less and less realistic for most people and I want to still show them that you can stay safe even if you can't stay home.

Covid is not an impossible task. It's not magic. You do not need to catch that wave. These are imperative facts we as a collective have to internalize if we want out of this pandemic. You are not helpless. We've had airborne viruses for years and years, and we've known how to protect ourselves from them as well. We've known how to protect from Covid, specifically, for years. The only reason it's gotten this bad and is still a pandemic is because our governments benefit more from the masses being sick and needing resources, full stop. Like climate change, we have the tools to beat this virus back at any point. Because of this, even in this huge wave, there is no reason you have to only exist online. There are ways you can see your friends safely.

All people like OP are saying is that, at least until this wave improves, you should do that without going to the bars, clubs, restaurants, concert venues, etc. Because it's not only extremely unsafe for you, but it's putting other people in danger too.

#danger days: truffula flu simulator #truffula flu survival guide #covid #covid advocacy #covid-19 #covid-19 resources #covid safe

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

They’ve suspended Matt Hancock for going on I’m a celeb. Thoughts?

YEAH THEY HAVE

Okay so for those just joining us let me explain this latest dance segment in the clown show

So during the Pandemic, back in the days of Big Dog the Clown being our Prime Minister and encouraging us all to go out and catch COVID because he thought that would make us all stronger, our Health Secretary was a terrifyingly incompetent humanoid blancmange called Matt Hancock. As with all of BlowJo's Cabinet, Matt got the job because he was absolutely fucking terrible at everything except being an oily sycophant. Imagine, if you will, they looked around the circus and saw, not even a clown, but one of the freaks in the freak show; not because he even fit the profile for 'circus freak', but because all he had to do was sit there and guard the bin or something equally useless, and that was all he could achieve (for about 71% of the time, and he would otherwise get distracted by candy floss, which he would try to eat by ramming it into his own nostrils and then get into a muddle and cry); and then imagine that guy is who they selected to be in charge of safety for the acrobat show, and called him Chief Safety Clown.

This guy.

So obviously Britain immediately generated one of the worst covid mortality rates on the planet.

But he didn't stay in position too long, because in the summer of 2021, he broke his own lockdown rules by, yes you guessed it, having a greasy affair with an aide in his Downing Street office and taking her on taxpayer-funded dates. And obviously, that was a big problem because the public were super furious with politicians breaking the lockdown rules, so Boris Johnson did the sensible thing and fired him LMAO LOL ROFL I'm sorry I can't keep a straight face, Boris Johnson said it was completely fine and he could stay.

But uh. Matt Hancock decided a lynch mob was not a scenario he'd planned for, so he resigned, and bumbling ham Sajid Javid took over instead.

So, that explains who he is. Now, his signature move is basically to just fellate whichever ringmaster will give him a job, because as you may have guessed, he certainly is not capable of getting a job otherwise, other than guarding the bin. So as the latest ringmaster auditions began, he immediately set about making little "Rishi is the Greatest Briton" badges and generally doing a really good imitation of Nadine Dorries, except for Sunak instead of Johnson.

...which didn't work because Rishi Sunak passed him up for a job entirely lol

So as far as I can see I think Matt Hancock has finally realised that the only reason he was given a job was because Boris gave him one for doing good cheering. I think he's actually spotted that no one else even likes him, because he's greasy and disgusting and also killed loads of people. So if he wants to get back into politics - or indeed if he wants to move from there into the lucrative world of after dinner speaking - he needs to build his public profile as someone who is likeable and doesn't kill a chunk of the country and doesn't have grubby wandering hands like moist prehensile plums.

So, he decided to go on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

(???!?!?????)

Except the thing is, "being an MP" is actually a job, and you are actually expected to pretend to do that job. I don't know how anyone else's jobs work, Tumblrs, but I personally am not allowed to just... go to Australia for three weeks without taking any annual leave and abandon the office, and also get paid to do so while still drawing my salary. And it turns out nor are MPs.

His excuses so far are:

I can be an MP in the Australian outback, I'm going to talk about dyslexia so really I'll still be working

I don't think I can work in politics for much longer because I'm bad at guarding the bin and Rishi won't let me do anything else even though I said his hair looks nice :(

Let's see how this is going down!

Oh to have a job where you can decide for yourself you're taking a month off, abandon your work and responsibilities, get paid shedloads and face little consequence. I'm sure he'll be an inspiration to other public servants

-Dave Penman, general secretary of the FDA union which represents senior civil servants

The prime minister believes that at a challenging time for the country, MPs should be working hard for their constituents, whether that's in the house or indeed in their constituencies.

-Rishi Sunak's spokesperson

Matt Hancock isn’t a ‘celebrity’, he’s the former health secretary who oversaw the UK having one of the highest death tolls in the world from Covid-19 while breaking his own lockdown rules. The fact that he is trying to cash in on his terrible legacy, rather than showing some humility or seeking to reflect on the appalling consequences of his time in government, says it all about the sort of person he is.

-Lobby Akinnola, from the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice campaign

Following a conversation with Matt Hancock, I have considered the situation and believe this is a matter serious enough to warrant suspension of the whip with immediate effect

-Conservative chief whip, Simon Hart

I’m looking forward to him eating a kangaroo’s penis. You can quote me on that.

-Deputy chair of the West Suffolk Conservative Association, Andy Drummond

So there we have it, folks! It's going super well!!!!

But having the whip suspended means "expelled from the party until the matter is resolved", which means he is, as of now, no longer a Tory - he's an Independent. I imagine his constituents are delighted.

#politik #asks

[thegettingbyp2]

Austin x Reader // angsty breakup and reader and austin bump into each-other after and Austin’s shocked at how much reader has changed etc, maybe reconciliation!

The Right Time

You and Austin clung to each other so tightly you wouldn’t be surprised if that was what had driven the two of you apart. You knew that when Austin had been given the role of Elvis Presley, it was going to be a defining moment in his career so you knew that it would take up the majority of his time; you just didn’t think it’d take all of his time.

The breaking point had come when you realised that every night for the past couple of weeks, Austin had come home and the two of you seemed to find something to argue about, each night ending with one of you taking the sofa. When you told Austin that you thought it was best for the two of you to split up, it almost caused another argument there and then:

‘What are you talking about? We don’t need to break up,’ Austin said as the two of you stood on opposite sides of the living room. You’d been going around in circles, having the same argument about him not having any time. The suggestion to break up hadn’t meant to slip from your lips the way it did, but you were so worked up from repeating yourself over and over again that you couldn’t think of anything else that would get through to him.

‘Austin,’ you said calmly, tears streaming down your cheeks as you walked over to him. ‘I can’t keep doing this, it’s exhausting, we’re having the same argument time and time again and we’re not getting anywhere. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.’

‘(Y/N), it’s only until filmings finished,’ Austin pressed, moving to take your hands in his, ‘if we can just get through this, I’ll have time again, I can’t take a step back from this.’

‘I know you can’t and I’d never ask you to, you’re going to be incredible in this film. I just don’t think I can hang around, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Maybe when the film’s finished we can re-evaluate, maybe a break is what we need but if we stay together right now, it’s going to kill us both.’ You said softly, reaching out to wipe a tear that had fallen from Austin’s eye as you spoke.

What you didn’t expect was for filming to take years due to the pandemic. The two of you had agreed not to contact each other; that a clean break was what you needed. In that time, you’d gone on a couple of dates with one of your co-stars for a play that you were currently in, something that the press had been all to quick to post all over social media.

The next time you and Austin saw each other was at the BAFTAs. The second your eyes fell on each other, you felt your heart leap in your chest; you’d missed him but you were too scared to go over to him, scared that he’d moved on and no longer reciprocated your feelings. Austin was sitting a few rows behind you and you could feel his eyes on you for the whole night. When it was announced that he’d won the BAFTA for Elvis, you couldn’t stop the tears from springing to your eyes; you knew that he could do it.

During his acceptance speech, it felt as if he was talking to only you and as he walked back to his seat, he was quick to give you a look that told you he wanted to talk. You met him at the back of the auditorium after the ceremony had finished and the two of you headed outside, needing somewhere quieter to talk.

The second you were outside, both instantly reached for each other, Austin pulling you against his body in a tight hug as the both of you were reminded how well you fit against each other. ‘I told you, you’d be amazing,’ you said, pulling back slightly and smiling at him, ‘it’s an incredible film!’

‘You watched it?’ Austin asked, surprised.

‘Of course I did! I wasn’t going to miss it!’

‘You look beautiful, you look different,’ Austin said, taking in your appearance, not quite being able to pinpoint exactly what it was about you that had changed.

‘Healthier?’ you supplied. ‘After we broke up, I realised that I hadn’t been looking after myself, I was burnt out so I’ve spent the past couple of years getting better and making sure to look after myself a bit more.’

You watched as Austin’s smile dipped slightly and a look of guilt crossed his features. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise how bad I was getting that you,’

‘You don’t need to apologise for anything, it was both of us. It was just the wrong time,’ you reassured him, pressing your hand lightly to his chest, his hand coming up immediately to cover it, keeping your hand in place.

‘And what about now? Is it the right time for us now? Or are you still with,’

‘It was a couple of dates that went nowhere because he wasn’t you. I’ve been waiting for it to be the right time for us since the second after we broke up.’

‘So we’re having another go?’ he asked hopefully.

Instead of replying, you leaned up on your toes and pressed your lips to his. The second your lips connected, you felt your body relax as his arms wrapped around your waist, you were both back where you belonged.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine

[guess-my-next-obsession]

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

pairing: frankie morales x f!reader

rating: E (MINORS DNI, oral (fem recieving), unprotected piv, breeding kink)

word count: 2.5k

8 Days of Christmas Masterlist

Frankie always loved Christmas as a kid, and truthfully hadn’t stopped loving it even into his adulthood, but in his line of work, it was easy to forget all the magic in the chaos.

This holiday season had been one of the busiest ever at the airport, everyone excited to be able to travel again after the pandemic. From October to Christmas Eve, Frankie had been home for a total of only 18 days, missing Halloween and Thanksgiving due to short staffing at the airline.

Instead of watching his three year old trick-or-treat for the first time, or helping his wife carve the turkey on Thanksgiving day, he was stuck on a layover in the middle of the country watching via FaceTime as his family gathered to celebrate.

Having quickly learned his lesson, Frankie made sure to request a month of time off starting December 25th, desperately needing as much time as he could afford alone with his family—with you.

There was no way he was going to watch his daughter tear into gifts via video chat in another Hampton Inn. There was no way he was going to watch you give him another fake smile, reassuring him that it you were okay when he knew how much you wanted him there. No, he was going to be home for Christmas. Even if it meant he had to brave the airport on Christmas Eve.

The drive home seemed to never end, some overly cheery radio host blabbing on about their holiday plans almost enough to make Frankie nod off on the freeway, but he persevered, switching stations to one less focused on talking.

Frankie couldn’t help but to chuckle at the song playing on the first station he landed on, a song he recognized as I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

How fitting.

As he sat there listening to the words, a tired smile appeared on his face. Though there’d be no snow, Florida hardly getting cold enough to feel like Christmas, there’d surely be a mistletoe for him to kiss you under, and presents under the tree for your daughter to tear into tomorrow morning.

Just the thought of seeing you two again after two weeks of being away made him feel more warm and cozy than any fireplace, any cup of hot chocolate, any knit sweater ever could. With a new spring in his step, he straightened his posture and rubbed the exhaustion from his eyes, determined to give you and your daughter all of the energy he had left.

•••

Two headlights peering in through the window of your living room made your heart pick up in pace, your three year old tucked into your side on the sofa dressed in her Grinch pajamas and two fluffy slippers designed to look like reindeer on her feet.

“I think dada’s home,” you announced in a singsong tone, smiling through your words as your toddler jumped up and down on the cushion, eager to see her father.

The holidays were always hard with Frankie gone, but you knew he wasn’t doing it for the hell of it. He was providing for the two of you, picking up extra shifts so that you didn’t have to go back to waitressing and could stay home to raise your daughter. He was working hard to make sure your family had everything they needed, and boy, did that turn you on.

You couldn’t help but giggle along with your daughter as Frankie knocked on the window and grinned at the two of you. Your daughter climbed off the couch and waddled over to her father’s face, putting her hands on the window as he fogged up the glass only to draw a heart.

“Dada! Come in!” Your little girl begged, Frankie cupping his ear as though he couldn’t hear her pleas. “Dada! Can you hear me?”

“Huh? You want candy?” Frankie asked through the window, your daughter letting out an amused cackle and nodding.

Not a second later he was sliding his key into the door and swinging it wide open. Your daughter ran up to his legs, hugging them tight as Frankie set down his luggage, his eyes locked on you cuddled up on the sofa. He shot you a wink as he lifted your daughter up, perching her on his hip before walking over to you.

“Hello, mamas,” he pressed a kiss into his daughter hair before leaning down to kiss you sweetly, your hands resisting the urge to tug him close when he leaned upright again. “Hi, baby.”

“Welcome home,” you purred back, Frankie starting off towards the kitchen, turning to your daughter.

“How about I take you with me and we make mama some hot cocoa?”

“And me!” He chuckled and looked over at you, silently asking you for your approval.

“She’ll be bouncing off the walls all night,” you warned, Frankie and your little girl giving you the same brown puppy eyes and pout. “But I suppose, since it’s a holiday.”

“Say, ‘thank you, mama’,” Frankie instructed, your daughter grinning and sticking her fingers in her mouth as she mumbled a shy thank you.

You had already landed on a movie, your daughter’s latest obsession, “Elf”, when Frankie returned with two mugs of hot chocolate and your daughter trailing behind him eating a lone marshmallow.

“What about you?” You asked as he handed you yours before setting the smaller mug down on the coffee table.

“I gotta go shower real quick,” he couldn’t help but steal another kiss, this time letting his lips linger a little longer than the first one, his fingertips underneath your chin keeping you close to him. His voice was a husky whisper when he pulled away, sending a jolt of arousal to your core. “Start the movie and get comfy, I’ll be right back.”

“Dont take too long. I miss you,” you gave him a half-smile, half-pout, earning another kiss to your lips before he was shuffling off down the hallway with his duffel bags. “Alright, kiddo, come up here.”

“I wan’ my hot cocoa,” your daughter demanded and you chuckled at how similar she sounded to your husband.

“Okay, but its gotta cool down a little bit.”

“No, dada put ice in it for me,” she corrected you sassily, your hands lifting up in a sarcastic apology.

“My bad, didn’t know you and daddy had this all figured out,” you scooped the three year old onto your lap, setting your cup down to help her lift hers to her lips without getting it everywhere.

Frankie returned twenty minutes later with wet hair and his flannel PJ’s on, matching yours. You beamed at him as he walked over with a smile, content with the sight of his daughter curled up into your side under a fuzzy throw blanket, both of your bellies full of hot chocolate.

“She’s crashing,” you whispered, the baby girl half-asleep in a post-sugar coma.

“Dada, can you read me a book?” She lifted her head up to ask Frankie, her voice hoarse with exhaustion. Frankie’s smile turned into an adoring frown as he nodded, walking over to the bookshelf.

“Which one, bebè?”

“Christmas one,” she demanded vaguely, Frankie putting his hands on his hips as he searched the shelves for a book that fit the requirement.

Noticing your yawn, he quickly picked up the first book he found with a Christmas tree on it and walked over to the couch, scooping up his baby girl with one arm.

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed, baby? I can take it from here,” Frankie offered with a softness you missed so dearly. Nodding sleepily, you stood up, pecking him on the lips before kissing your daughters cheek, her head resting on her dad’s shoulder. As you turned to walk to your bedroom, Frankie grabbed your hand, stopping you. “Don’t get too comfy without me, cariño.”

“Oh, I won’t,” you promised with a wink, continuing forward to your master bedroom while Frankie walked your daughter to her room.

•••

“One more story, dada,” his daughter persisted, though her eyes could hardly stay open long enough to blink. Frankie chuckled and shook his head, petting her hair back as he stood up off her bed.

“No, bebè. Santa’s coming and you need to be asleep when he gets here otherwise he won’t bring you any gifts,” he bargained, the little girl nodding quickly as she lifted the covers over her chin.

“Okay, I’m sleeping.” He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“Santa will know if you’re pretending, mija. You need to actually go to bed—“

“Okay, okay. Lemme sleep, dada!”

Frankie backed out of her room with hid hands held up in defense, smiling to himself as he closed her door behind him.

•••

He wasn’t paying much attention when he opened the door to your bedroom, his eyes squeezed closed as he yawned into his palm. You remained posed on the bed like Burt Reynold’s in his centerfold, wearing the sluttiest Santa-inspired lingerie you could find online. When he finally focused his eyes on you, he froze in place, his eyes wide with both shock and delight.

“What in the world—“

“I wanna be your hoe, hoe, hoe tonight,” you stifled your chuckles as he stood there, his grin growing larger with each passing second. “You’ve been an awfully good boy—“

“Alright, I think I get the idea, baby.” He stopped your bad jokes with a chuckle, crawling onto the mattress and caging you beneath him, his eyes raking over your scantily clad body, one hand traveling from your hip up to the red velvet covering your breasts. Your breath hitched when he pinched your nipple just how you liked it, rolling it between his pointer finger and thumb. “God, I missed you.”

You placed your hand over his and dragged it down your stomach to your core, his eyes locked with yours as he felt the wet patch on your panties.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Frankie,” you husked, his brows creasing as you guided his fingers to circle your swelling clit over the fabric. “I love how hard you work for our family. You’re such a good husband and father, baby.”

“Fuck,” he dipped his head down, kissing you filthier than he could with your three year old watching. You eagerly accepted his tongue into your mouth, tasting the peppermint candy he must have indulged in at some point tonight. “Wanna take my time with you tomorrow, but I need to be inside of you right now baby.”

You nodded eagerly, watching as Frankie peeled your thong off your hips and legs, tossing it behind hin without care before he was splitting your legs apart, licking his lips as he caught a glimpse at your dripping sex.

“Fuck, I need a taste.” Frankie never could stop himself from tasting you, even when he was in a rush. You hummed and combed your hands through his hair as he lowered his mouth to your pussy, lazily lapping at your arousal like he had all the patience in the world.

“Oh, Frankie, baby…I missed your tongue,” you mewled as his tongue tensed, circling your clit over and over until he felt your walls fluttering around nothing.

“Mm, fuck. You taste so good…I never wanna stop once I’ve started.” He sucked hard on your clit, pulsing against it with a moan until your back was arching off the mattress. Your hands tugged at his hair harsh enough to hurt as you came against his mouth, a hum of victory vibrating against you as he drank down your release happily.

“Frankie, need you inside,” you demanded, still lost in your euphoria. He nodded, though you couldn’t see it with your eyes closed, quickly shedding his pajamas before kissing up your body.

His lips started at your knee, placing open mouthed kissed up your thighs and stomach, sliding his tongue up the valley of your breasts as he slid the straps of your bralette off your shoulders, finally exposing your nipples. Your eyes opened to watch as he sucked one bud into his mouth his fist stroking his weeping cock against your still-throbbing cunt.

“Please,” you begged again, Frankie nodding against you and releasing your nipple with a wet pop. Sitting back on his ankles, he dribbled spit down onto his cock, keeping his eyes on yours as he coated himself in the slick.

“Keep your eyes on me, baby. Wanna see you when I put it in,” he ordered and you nodding eagerly, ready to comply with any demand he could possibly make. He smiled down at your obedience, the fat head of his cock stroking up and down your slit. “You ready for me?”

“Always,” you whispered, Frankie wasting no time on sliding into your cunt inch by inch, both of you gasping at the sensation of being flush together after so long. Your praise came out in a string of nearly incomprehensible mumbles, your eyes struggling to remain open as his the curved head of his cock brushed against your g-spot. “Ohmygodit’ssogooddon’tstop.”

“Fucking…christ.” His chest was heaving as he willed himself to be patient, allowing your walls to accommodate his size before he started to snap his hips into you like he wanted.

“I’m ready,” you assured, sensing his hesitance. “Don’t hold back. I need to feel you.”

“Baby,” he whimpered, leaning over your body to kiss you as his hips started to thrust shallowly in and out of you, properly lubricating his cock so that he didn’t hurt you.

You held onto his face with both hands, gasping and moaning into the clumsy and heated kiss, his thrusts getting rougher and needier with each withdrawal.

“You feel so fucking good, bebita…always fucking dripping for me, aren’t you?” He husked against your mouth before tugging on your bottom lip with his teeth.

“Didn’t touch myself at all while you were gone,” you confessed. Frankie let out a strangled whine into your ear as he buried his face in your neck, his hands pinning your hips to the mattress as he fucked into you brutally. “Wanted to save it all for you.”

“Jesus—fuck.” His thrusts were getting sloppier, a grin growing on your face at the feeling of your own orgasm building in time with his. “Baby, I’m so close—“

“Me too…please don’t stop…wanna cum with you.” Frankie’s moans became wanton, your lips shushing him as you kissed his temple. “You’re gonna wake our little monster up.”

“S-sorry, baby. Feels so fucking good.” His body lifted into a plank, his eyes dropping to watch as his cock disappeared into your heat over and over, each time coated with more of your slick. “Rub your clit. I’m about to cum.”

“Please fill me up…gimme another little Frankie,” you begged as you obeyed his command, rubbing your clit frantically as you watched him lose control, your words turning him feral. “God, I’m—“

“Shit!” He moaned much too loud as he came in time with you, but neither of you could care as you floated together in bliss, his cock stuffing you full of his cum. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“I love you, Frankie,” you breathed out, already nearing sleep as your high dwindled into a soft buzz. Frankie hummed and laid down beside you, pulling you into his side.

Turning your head over to glance at the clock on your bedside table, you smiled as you saw it was well past midnight. You looked back at him and reached a finger up to trace his jaw, stealing one last peck.

“Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal,” you purred, Frankie’s mouth curling up in a sleepy grin.

“Merry Christmas, mi amor.”

•••

frankie taglist: @joelmillerscoffee @ajeff855 @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @tooflef @mariasabana @tae27 @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @mandomover @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @vanemando15 @wickedmunson @marvel-sw-lover @jediknight122 @harriedandharassed @star-wars-fan-2005 @alwaysdjarin @jalobro @trickstersp8 @mccn-bcys @manuymesut @trinkets01 @tanzthompson @jlmaddinson @hopeamarsu @fanofverymanythings @lovesbiggerthanpride @pinkything @fireproofmarta @littlenosoul @tryonmyworld @pedropascalsx @laureliciousdefinition @rocketrhap3000 @fishingforpike @lexloon (please let me know if you’d like to be removed/added to future frankie content!)

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fluff #frankie morales oneshot #frankie catfish morales #frankie morales fluff #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales smut #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x y/n #8 days of christmas

[laurellynnleake]

🎇 NYE COVID-19 RED ALERT - AVOID CROWDS & MASK UP 🎆

You wouldn't know it from our governments, but Turtle Island, aka the US & Canada, are in the worst spike of illness and deaths since 2020's deadly Omicron surge.

That means it's more dangerous to go to a New Years party this weekend than it's been for approximately 96.4% OF THE ENTIRE PANDEMIC. It's bad out there tonight, and your odds of staying healthy after an unmasked gathering are NOT good.

The more people at your party, the higher the chance you'll catch COVID-19. You may think it's worth the risk, since many people appear to have "mild" infections, but that's not the whole story.

The first 2 weeks of COVID-19, aka the "acute phase", are just the beginning. Even if you don't need emergency hospitalization, or even if you never have any symptoms at all, the virus SARS-CoV-2 responsible for COVID-19 silently turns your immune system against you and shreds the lining of your circulatory and nervous systems. This can permanently elevate your risk of heart attacks, strokes, digestive problems, and even life-changing disabling disorders like ME/CFS.

And even if you escape relatively unscathed, you could pass the virus onto loved ones who WILL get hit hard, and survive with new life-long disabilities, or not survive at all.

COVID-19 never left, and our healthcare systems are NOT looking out for us. We have to take care of each other. Please, please rethink going out to that party tonight. If you can't avoid socializing, please protect yourself as much as you can:

Wear WELL-FITTING respiratory masks like N95s & KN94s

Use nasal sprays before & after, & CPC mouthwash after

Gather outdoors whenever possible

Get good air circulation indoors with air filters like CR Boxes, or open windows for outside air (bundle up if it's cold)

More resources on these tips, and how to reduce the damage if you do get sick, can be found on this COVID Safety Roundup list. All graphics courtesy of the Pandemic Mitigation Collection and Dr. Michael Hoebert, from their website. Hoebert further breaks down the data on his twitter too.

You can also ask me any particular questions and I'll do my best to help! We all deserve to survive this, and we'll do it together.

#covid 19 #long covid #still masking #mask up #actually disabled #covid isn't over #covid19 #new year #happy new year #new years eve

[transmutationisms]

i like seeing your thoughts on covid messaging as someone who is frequently bombarded with alarmist messages on twitter and gets really stressed out about it, you seem really well informed and knowledgeable about both the risks and dangers of covid and the way some of those things can be frequently overstated to unproductive ends. i know you're focused far more on the big picture than individual behavior and for good reason, but can i ask what is your personal course of action or recommended course of action i/r/t types of masks, amount of leisure going out, etc? on the one hand i'm surrounded irl by people who basically act as if there's no pandemic and on the other hand i see posts from the covid cautious community saying you should never eat outside of the house or go anywhere crowded even with a mask on, and it's kind of dizzying 😵‍💫

i don't think this is a topic where you can rely on somebody else honestly unless you were solely asking for statistical risk in which case, talk to someone who knows your medical details and epidemiology. otherwise what you're asking is basically how to weigh the value of life events against the risk of disease transmission from them and that's not a calculus anybody else can make on your behalf. i would ofc circulate the standard public health advice (stay home when you're sick, etc) but i can't tell you what sorts of events are worth you risking catching covid. when i make this calculus in my own life it depends on how important the event is, how much risk i think i'm incurring, etc. i think basically everyone is making this calculus all the time, whether they admit it or not. the only thing i would add as actual blanket information is that if you're serious about reducing transmission of aerosolised diseases including covid, cloth and surgical masks are categorically insufficient and you need a kn95 or n95, whatever model fits your face with the least gapping around the edges

[copperbadge]

maplerosekisses

Could you expand on the grocery stores thing?

I was gonna be like “sure have an essay about my issues with grocery shopping on Adderall” but it’s remarkably difficult to talk about. I wrote like four responses to this before I was satisfied. 

If I’m in a grocery store unmedicated, I have coping mechanisms -- I have a list, a mental map of the store, ways of determining what to buy based on options. I’ve had a lot of time to develop technique. In the months before the pandemic, when I unexpectedly began earning a middle class salary, I was even working on relaxing my budget so that I wasn’t wearing myself out wondering if $1 extra for nicer potato chips was worth it. 

But if I’ve taken an Adderall within three hours of a shopping trip, suddenly my coping mechanisms, even the Hey I Have Money Now one, don’t fit my new behavior patterns. 

I am capable of spending more time figuring out what I want because I can compare similar items and hold details and prices in my head, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. The longer I stay in one place the higher odds I’m in the way of other shoppers and I hate being in the way. Meanwhile, I can remember things I didn’t put on the list, but I’m so thrilled to be buying food I didn’t realize I needed that I don’t remember to make sure all of it will fit in the bag I brought to carry it home in. I can also browse, which is not something I normally could do, but I get frustrated browsing because I expect to find something cool and most groceries are not cool. Browsing is highly overrated and yet so irresistibly novel!  

This isn’t a problem with most tasks, because most tasks don’t involve the amount of sensory input, decision-making, and public presence that grocery shopping does. Even restaurants have a place to sit and a list to choose from. 

So my options are to shop unmedicated, where my coping mechanisms exist but my experience is subpar, or to shop medicated, where in theory eventually I would buy better food, spend less, and carry a lighter mental load -- but where I have zero skills to actually handle the experience. 

It’s okay. I’m learning new skills. I’m giving myself permission to be in peoples’ way, because fuck knows nobody in the grocery store is willing to get out of my way. I add an extra bag to my backpack so that I have a comfortable way to carry what won’t fit. I sometimes check the online inventory of the store before I go so that I know I’m not missing anything fun. If I get tired and I haven’t found everything yet, I buy what I’ve got and leave and remind myself that the Adderall will also allow me to come back tomorrow and buy the rest. I buy myself a Diet Coke to drink on the walk home as a treat regardless of how successful I was.  

But yeah, the problem with Better Living Through Chemistry is that sometimes you’re wholly unprepared for life to be better. Tough to know how to polish diamonds when you’re used to scrubbing floors.

#maplerosekisses #sam has adhd

[sweaterweatherever]

Struggle (Xavier Thorpe x reader)

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem Reader

Warnings: Cursing, kissing, groping. Cheesy pick up lines. Part two to Competition (See my pinned post) Same gif for continuity

Requested: Yes. 

A/N: Blurb thing worked! Remember that requests for them are still open because they help a lot. Got my writing back. Here, enjoy. I never went to prom because pandemic. No, there won’t be a part three. No smut because to me, it didn’t fit. 

“What do you think?” You asked Tyler, pinning your hair in a half up do. You were taking advantage of the biggest mirror in the house, the one in the living room. Tyler was hanging around, waiting in his white suit. “Too much?” 

You had curled your hair and put on a light makeup, trying to make it look natural. The same could be said for the dress, choosing a simple white slip one, that shimmered with a pearl finish in the light and ended up in mid calve. You had worried about the theme a lot, not wanting to look like a bride. 

“I think you look way too good for being the date of Xavier Thorpe.” He said, placing himself behind you to help you zip up the dress. “Maybe go for a bolder lipstick, so you look more tan.” 

The bell rang at that moment, and you gave him a look through the mirror. You were just starting to get your makeup finished, you weren’t going to receive Xavier now. Besides, the door was, like, five feet away from the living room. They would be fine.

“Fine.” He muttered. “I’ll go.” 

“Be on your best behavior! And maybe apologize!” You screamed after him, painting your lips red on a whim. Tyler might be the whitest boy ever, but he gave good make up advice sometimes. He had been a mommy’s boy through and through when your aunt was alive, always standing behind her when she got ready, looking with wonder how she did her makeup every day. You knew it because you used to do the same when you were kids, hanging in his house a lot. 

You completed your look with some gold earrings, and looked thoughtfully at your hair, lifting it to picture how it would look if you went for a French twist instead. 

“Don't.” You heard a voice say. Xavier. “Your hair is stunning. You should wear it down more often.” 

“Oh, wow.” You said, turning to him and letting your hair fall back down. He looked good, all dressed in white and with his hair pulled back. But you couldn’t resist. “I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away!”

Xavier laughed, eyes scrunching up in the most adorable way. 

“So our competition is still on?” He asked, reclining casually against one of the couches. Because in that case, … Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.”

“Where's Tyler?” You smiled at Xavier, but started looking around for your cousin. He had been ready, but had stayed to hang with you for a while. “Because if he is not here… We have the house to ourselves.” 

“He just walked out after letting me in. Didn’t say a word.” 

“Sorry. He is sorry about assaulting you, you know? He is going to therapy, he can still be an asshole, but he is trying. I know it doesn’t excuse what Tyler did, but I am sorry you have to interact with him.”  And you were truly sorry about it because no matter how much Tyler was trying to get better, no victim should be forced to interact with their aggressor. Xavier was doing it for your sake only. 

“Enough about him. You look gorgeous. “ Xavier approached you, hesitant hands coming to grasp at your wrists, slipping something there. A bracelet. One made from moonstone. “Goes with the theme.” But his hands didn’t let go of your wrist. You could feel the warmth there, long fingers circling your wrist. And you were sure he could feel the way your pulse was beating wildly against his fingers, but Xavier seemed unwilling to let you go, lips parted in a surprised expression. It didn’t feel real, after so much time flirting and texting. You were a good match, in terms of intellectual compatibility, you knew that already, with your similar sense of humor and love for banter. It seemed like your chemistry translated to the physical aspect, if a simple, innocent touch like that was affecting you this much. 

“You know, my uncle won’t be coming back until twelve or one, maybe. He is obsessed with the murders and avoids Tyler like the plague. He will stay at work for as long as possible.” You said, looking at Xavier’s eyes. You really wanted him to kiss you, to give in. It would be so much better if he was the one coming to you and not the other way. You wanted him, but victory was sweeter. By the look in his eyes, Xavier seemed to be thinking along the same lines. His eyes dropped to your lips, highlighted by the crimson paint there, but he quickly righted himself, looking back into your eyes with a smile. 

“As much as I would like to stay here and ditch the dance…” He dropped your wrist, one of his hands making its way to the small of your back. You couldn’t help but shiver at the touch. “I want to do this the right way. Even if in that dress, you look good enough to eat.” 

“Oh, you could eat me out anytime.” You winked, making him snort. 

“You meant up, surely.” Xavier scrunched his nose, but his lips were stretched into a smile.

“I know what I said, mister.”

Still with his hand on your back, Xavier steered you towards the door. It seemed like tonight, you were the bold one, even if he was unable to stop touching you. You weren’t sure you liked it, so decided to tone it down a little. You weren’t going to spend the whole night chasing him, that’s for sure. It was time he upped his game too. 

“You are pretty confident you lead, and I follow.” You stated, letting him move you forward anyway. 

“Oh.” Xavier pulled his hand away. “Sorry. Didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“No, it's fine. I like it. You wear it well.” You gave him a smile of your own, grin slightly turning more mischievous. After locking the front door, you started walking towards the path with him. “You know, if being sexy was a crime, you would be guilty as charged!” 

“Fuck, that was so bad.” Xavier laughed. “ I got one worse.” His hand nestled comfortably against your waist, pulling you along. “You are a hell of a thief, you know?” 

“What?” You asked, turning to look at him and tripping with your heels in your haste. 

“You stole my heart from across the room.” He finished with a smirk, hands going to steady you. “Careful there. I have been told pearls scratch if they touch gravel.”

“Convenient.” You take his hand in yours and start walking more purposefully. You enter the place confidently, keeping your posture open and a smile on your face. The decorations are nice, the all white theme making it look like a winter wonderland. 

“So.” Xavier says, shifting a little on his feet. “Do you like it? Want me to get you a drink?” He rubs the back of his neck. You like how nervous he gets. You aren’t a sadist, but there is something about seeing someone who is so confident in everything else get all shy from holding your hand. It makes him sweeter, softer, like he is not all smooth lines and cocky grins. Tyler was wrong, you realize, Xavier Thorpe is nothing like him at all. In Tyler, there was something harsher even, lurking just beneath the surface. He was too, all smooth words and not an ounce of shame, pulling blushes from girls left and right, with that damn overconfident smile. In Xavier's case, what lurks behind the surface is a softness, a sweetness you bet not many people see from the popular guy. 

“It is a beautiful set-up.” You reply, turning towards the commotion in the door. “Seems like my cousin finally made his arrival. Fuck, they look good together.”  And you are saying nothing but the truth. Wednesday looks stunning in a black vintage dress, eyes and dark hair glinting prettily. Tyler looks like a dork, but a cute one, looking at her like a lovesick fool. 

“Seems so.” Xavier’s voice is bitter. You can’t tell if this is about Wednesday or Tyler, but keeping quiet isn’t an option. 

“You are in love with her, too?” You ask him, reclining casually against one table. There has been a spark underneath all your flirting, but if he is in love with Wednesday, you would rather know now before you went all the way and fell for him. 

“Just had a tiny crush on her. And… I thought we were friends. ” Xavier answers, leaning on the table too. This way, both of you have eyes on the dance floor, where Wednesday is already causing a commotion. “Seeing her with your cousin… You tried, you know? And I like that. You said you were sorry. But if she is my friend, why would she be his? You are tied to him, I know how blood…” 

“Yeah. Blood is thicker than water.” You grab at his hand, holding it in yours once again. This has to be the oddest first date you had ever had, consoling a guy who is moping about his crush going on a date with your cousin, who also assaulted the guy. It is such a ridiculous thought, you can't help but laugh. “You realize how absurd this is?” 

“Yeah. Now, let me finish. I might have had a tiny crush on Wednesday, but I have a big, fat one on you.” Xavier drapes his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, until your bodies are touching. You don’t resist. Xavier seems more at ease than before, like the cloud of sadness has lifted from him. But his touch is hesitant, and the way his eyes keep darting to yours shows he is worried his advances might be unwelcome. You have to defuse the situation somehow, and you know just the way.

“Ever the flatterer.” You answer and snicker. Xavier blushes, but doesn’t apologize for the innuendo.

“Dirty mind.” He chastises instead, tugging at a strand of your hair. His hands are gentle, careful to not mess up your curls. You smile at him. It would be easy, you realize, far too easy, to fall for him. 

“Oh, I didn’t say anything. You did that all on your own.” Xavier smiles back at you, blush still prominent on his cheeks. It’s kind of cute. “I think we can’t let Tyler embarrass my family name by making all the Nevermore students think we can’t dance.” 

“Is that an invitation?” Xavier leans closer, allowing you to smell his cologne. It must be something expensive because it is delicious. You can’t help but lean close too, and going by the way his smile grows, Xavier notices. “I think you look good already, but I bet you would look even better in my arms.” 

“Laying it a bit thick there.” But you let him pull you to the dance floor. You catch Tyler’s eyes and give him a wave. He frowns at the way Xavier is pulling you closer to him, hands on your waist, body flush with his. Your eyes open as wide as saucers, and you stop looking at Tyler, instead looking up at the confident grin Xavier is sporting. The heat on your cheeks intensifies, blush coming out in full force. 

“Got your attention now?” He arches one eyebrow, a genuine smile threatening to break his facade. You feel giddy, oddly.  Like you could end up in a fit of giggles any time from now. Quickly but swiftly, you are losing ground against him and it shows. If you are competing, Xavier just scored twice. The song doesn’t call for this kind of dance, but Xavier seems to want to touch you more than anything. And so because you refuse to lose so easily, you let him do it, peering at him between your lashes, coyly. “You know, we should go to the movies sometime… No, bad idea…”

“Why?” It is a weird conversation topic, for sure. It has nothing to do with your previous talk, nor with the way, he is holding you. 

“Because they don’t let you bring your own snacks.” Xavier smiles, dimples in full display. You can't help the groan that leaves your mouth. “Got one worse.” 

“Do you?” You arch an eyebrow. That was so cheesy, there was hardly anything more outrageous. 

“If you are here, who is running heaven?” Xavier brushes a piece of hair behind your ear, seemingly unable to contain himself. He looks like an eager preschooler showing his friend a new toy. His smile is contagious and so, you end up laughing too. “If you let me, I could worship you all day long.” The second part is more of a whisper, Xavier’s voice going all low and raspy, making your body tingle. He won. That you will admit. There is still honor in losing to a great competitor, after all. You want to jump his bones right there because this boy isn’t only pretty and funny, he’s got a sharp mind and hotness in spades. 

“Well, I love me a pious man.” You say, going on your tiptoes. You desperately would like to kiss him, admitting defeat. Overall, it doesn’t matter because you bet tasting his lips would feel like winning too. You don’t get the chance because suddenly, you feel something slimy and cold fall over you. A tiny scream leaves your throat at seeing it is red.  The sprinklers… They are leaking something all over the hall. Red liquid splashing everywhere, with a weird texture that reminds you of blood. A terrible thought crosses your head, and you try to get away from Xavier. But his grip doesn’t budge, pulling you even closer instead. 

"Shhh, it's just paint.” He says, running a hand over your hair, like one would do to soothe a scared animal. “Don’t freak out. Breathe.” You try to obey him, taking deep breaths. “Look, smell it.” Xavier sweeps his hand over your face, collecting some of the red liquid that covers both of you. He presses it against your nose, which wrinkles at the smell. Xavier is right. Only diluted paint. You feel stupid for panicking, but the way he is rubbing your back prevents you from feeling too bad about it. Now that you aren’t as afraid, you risk a glance at him. Xavier looks silly, all covered in paint, and you can’t help but smile.

“My dress is ruined.” You complain, watching how everyone is evacuating the place, most people running around in blind panic. Xavier keeps holding you, preventing you from rushing to the exits. It is a smart move because you would get trampled if you did the same. You are already getting pushed around from the haste everyone has.  Xavier shields you with his body from getting the worst of it. 

“Maybe.” Xavier rubs at your back, gently. “You still look gorgeous.” 

“You don’t, you look silly.” Xavier gives you a fake wounded look. “You know, you are quite the artist…. You were great at drawing me in.” At that, he laughs, throwing his head back. He looks cute. You hate it. To distract yourself from his stupidly cute face and kissable lips, having came back to your senses and refusing to surrender in this game of yours, you take a look across the room. People have started calming down, only a few students left, calmly heading to the exits.”I should go home, right?"

“Let me find your cousin first. If he doesn’t show, I’ll walk you home. You can’t go back on your own this late, with all the attacks.” Xavier scans the crowd, but he is unable to find Tyler, too. You bet he has gone with Wednesday somewhere. You pull out your phone, checking your lock screen. It is just as you suspected. 

“Tyler texted me, he is going after Wednesday.” You say to Xavier, not sad at all. You would much rather have him walk you home than your cousin. 

“Come on, I'll walk you home.” Xavier takes off his jacket, soaked in paint as it is, and places it over your shoulders. “It must be cold outside.” He explains. You smile at him.

“Thank you.” You slip your hand in his, and lead him towards the exit. You spent the walk in a comfortable silence. Occasionally, Xavier’s thumb rubs at your knuckles. When you make it to the doorstep, you feel butterflies flutter in your stomach, anticipation cursing in your veins. Is Xavier going to surrender and kiss you goodnight? Or is he going to tease you, make you work for it? 

“So.” Xavier says, holding both of your hands in his. “That was a great date.” 

“Great enough so I can get a kiss?” You ask, teasingly. 

“Maybe. Why don’t you kiss me and find out?” Xavier advances towards you, smirk firmly in place. He was going to be the death of you. Why did you have to love cocky boys? Why?

“Oh, darling, I won’t give in so easily.” You advance towards him, too, until you collide with his chest. Xavier’s eyes drop to your lips and then go back to staring at yours. 

“Neither will I.” Xavier answers, grabbing your waist. “No matter how sweet you ask. Not even for this.” He brushes your lips gently with his thumb, smearing the paint covering it. You can’t tell if the red on his thumb is paint or lipstick. 

“Are you sure?” You raise yourself on your tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek. Then, to his jaw. The paint smears, covering your lips. You smile against his face, dragging your lips against his skin. 

“Sure.” But his hands are gripping your waist even harder. You can tell he wants to pull you even closer, until not even an inch of space remains between your bodies, until you are so close he can feel your heartbeat. 

“Sure.” You say, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Xavier loses it, then. He pulls you close and kisses you, practically pouncing on you. In his haste, your teeth knock together, and you snicker, but he quickly fixes the angle. One of his hands remains in your waist, gripping the fabric of your dress harshly in his fist. The other comes to grab at your hair, pulling a little at it. You moan, and pull away from him. “Maybe you would like to come in?”

“You drive me crazy.” Xavier grasps at your thighs, palming at your legs over the dress. Then, suddenly sobering up, he pulls away. “But, I am doing this right.  And make no mistake. You might have won this battle, but I will win the war.” 

#my writing #xavier thorpe #wednesday 2022 #xavier thorpe x reader #tyler galpin #xavier thorpe x fem!reader #xavier x you #xavier x y/n #xavier thrope imagine #cant stop thinking about the spelling anon #xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe x fem reader #wednesday netflix #wednesday

[dailyniallnews]

The former boyband member Niall Horan on his new album, headlining the Electric Picnic, turning 30 and taking on the world, says Louise Bruton

Sunlight pours in through the large bay windows of the Westbury Hotel and Niall Horan is a little tired. In Ireland for less than 36 hours, he’s fitting in this interview and a surprise appearance for 80 of his biggest Irish fans, all in the build-up to the release of The Show, his third solo album. Once upon a time the five-star hotel would have been mobbed by hyperventilating fans, but today he got in unnoticed.

“If someone had said to me in 2013, ‘Do you want to go for a coffee?’ I’d go, ‘No, you’re joking? That’s nuts.’” Over an Americano, a low-key Horan relives the hysteria of once being in the boyband One Direction. Since the group’s formation on The X Factor in 2010 and their indefinite hiatus announced in 2016, the Mullingar man wasn’t able to walk down the street without people pulling over in their cars to take a gawk, let alone meet pals for coffee. Unsure if he developed a fear of being surrounded, he recalls that he “nearly became a bit of a recluse”.

Going unnoticed doesn’t mean that Horan’s star has faded. With his previous albums reaching the top of the charts in the UK, the US and Ireland, and charming everyone so much as a coach on NBC’s The Voice that he’s back for the next series, he’s on top of his game, but he has learnt how to live under the radar.

“When the band stopped I went travelling in Asia for four months, just staying in shite hotels and hostels and I could do more than I expected,” he says. That trip encouraged him to reconfigure how he moves through the world. Dividing his time between his homes in Co Westmeath, Los Angeles and London, he lives as much of a normal life as he can when he’s off the pop star clock. “In this world you give people a handshake, they take your arm off, so I just keep my private life private,” he says.

In London he travels on the Tube and in Los Angeles he claims that the paparazzi only want his photo if there’s some “other famous fella in the bar”. He doesn’t play the game of going to certain restaurants just to be seen. “It’s a shame, though, because some of the nice places in LA are like that,” he says. “You have to take that risk sometimes to get a bit of grub.”

This September sees two big events that capture the stark difference between his private and professional lives — headlining Electric Picnic and turning 30. In Stradbally he’s looking forward to experiencing “the Irish love again” from the main stage, but it’s his 30th birthday party happening later on in the month that has him jittery.

“This sounds mental, coming from a pop star, but I don’t really like attention,” Horan says, so he’s “splitting the adulation” with his best friend from home. Thousands of fans screaming at him? Grand. His closest friends and family singing Happy Birthday to him? Nerve-racking.

That milestone birthday has him feeling reflective. “At my age you start to think a little bit more,” he says, joking that he’s probably 65 in showbiz years. “I don’t remember overthinking much, or ever, up until the pandemic.”

The first lockdown was the longest he has ever taken off from work. Hunkering down in London and with no pubs to go to, he was “in the best shape” of his life. He also became official with his girlfriend, Amelia Woolley, and took stock of who he is. “The last five years have been more formative than I was expecting,” he says, and it’s no surprise that this maturity syncs up with leaving the bubble of One Direction. “I had to do a lot more growing up than your average 16-year-old.”

With his peers Lewis Capaldi and Selena Gomez releasing documentaries on their struggles with fame, does he wish that he did anything different with his career? “I think if I’d had any way of a dodgy experience, I’d probably say I would change a few things, but I’ve always had a good experience with it,” he says.

“I was well supported. It’s all about the people you have around you, I think. Coming from a small town and wanting to take over the world,” he pauses to punch the air like a rock star, “in my head at the time I was ready, but most 16-year-olds are probably not.”

The Show is a different beast from 2017’s lustful Flicker and 2020’s self-explanatory Heartbreak Weather. For one he’s in love, but more thought has gone into this album. Horan’s newly considered approach to songwriting makes vulnerability look easy. “I’m in a good place in my head,” he says, but he’s hesitant to call this a happy album.

“When you’re happy I feel like that scares some writers,” he says. Bursting into a rendition of Pharrell Williams’s song Happy, he notes that if you’ve historically done cheery songs you have to show the full “umbrella” of happiness. So instead of taking the sunny route, he writes in a relatable way about the work that goes into feeling good and falling in love.

“There are artists out there that get so introspective that you have to pull out a thesaurus to see what they’re talking about,” he says, and that’s why his latest single, Meltdown, works so well. With an anthemic quality built for festivals, the chorus guides people out of a panic attack. “I was big on writing a song about feeling anxious at 180 beats per minute. The song is fast and

I wanted that because that’s what that feeling feels like,” he says, mimicking a shortness of breath. “It has to feel rapid and then the chorus just comes and it slows down.”

It’s apparently based on a few personal scenarios, and he suggests that good communication has always been a skill of his. “I think I’m a good talker,” he says, exaggerating his candidness. “I have no problem telling you how I feel. Do you want to hear it?”

Busy, at peace and taking nothing for granted, Horan’s new material is a true representation of where he is in life. With a busy year ahead with festivals, turning 30 and a freshly announced 2024 world tour, it’s time to stop thinking so much and get on with The Show. Or, as he puts it more directly: “Let’s get out and have a f***ing good time.”

Niall Horan’s album The Show is out on Thu. Tickets for his tour next year are now on sale

#niall horan #the show #4june2023

[notesfromtheidiotbox]

I'm showing a picture of this post instead of reblogging because I don't want to distract from OP's point, but the various comments and reblogs all seem to have a common thread of "how did this happen? Why don't people seem to care?"

My personal theory is widespread compassion fatigue. It's finally ingrained itself fully into our collective psyche. And I'm not just talking about recent events either.

I'm 47 years old. I've lived through the end of the Cold War, two Gulf Wars, one major terrorist attack on US soil that upended literally EVERYTHING about everyday life in the US, the rising threat of climate change, a once in a century pandemic, multiple boom-and-bust economic cycles, the rise of the internet and with it the rise of accessibility of both information and MISinformation, multiple smaller conflicts around the world, the change in corporate attitudes from "we serve our customers our products faithfully and loyally" to "fuck you! That's our money in your wallet and we're not even going to pretend we thought of you as anything else anymore," the creeping resurgence of fascism as a political ideology in the US not seen since the 30s and early 40s,* rapidly rising inflation and wage stagnation without any sort of action to mitigate it for most of the population. and literally hundreds to thousands of people online yelling at each other for not "doing more," "doing better," or for not supporting/believing/doing the right things in the right way.

I honestly think the compassion/empathy tank is not just empty in the US, it's burned through the fumes and is now bone dry.

Being as generous as possible with the timeline, ever since 2001**, what we laughingly call the news in this country has served us a 24/7 diet of crisis after crisis, with no respite. It's ebbed and flowed, of course, but the general message has been "everything is getting worse, nobody is going to save us, we can't solve the existential threats of war, disease, famine, climate change, racism, and lethal prejudice that exists everywhere." And while collective action has garnered several significant victories, the attitude is still "this won't work because everybody has their own ideas of what needs to be done and how to do it and spend more time arguing over the details rather than doing anything***"

I think we don't care because we just CAN'T anymore. Even the things we would normally use to recharge ourselves aren't working. The food doesn't taste good, the entertainment is turning into forgettable sludge by the rapid rise of streaming, and it seems like you aren't allowed to be anywhere in public without spending money, and if you aren't required to spend money to be somewhere, odds are if you stay there for too long you'll have somebody giving you the side eye and demanding an explanation.

And online? Anger, dehumanization, and the constant cry of any sincere expression of joy or excitement is "cringe."

22 years of being constantly told the world is shit, humans are awful, you only have as much value as your bank account has digits, your employers don't respect you or the customers who get affected by their boneheaded decisions, leaving you to take the bullet, and constant reminders if problems which are too big to be solved in our lifetime.****

We're all tired, and we're beaten down, and we just don't have any more fucks to give about the latest crisis created by those in positions of power for what we are realizing are the most petty and stupid reasons.

There isn't a one size fits all solution here. But that's pretty much what I think has happened: the people of the United States in general have reached a point where we don't have the emotional capacity to deal with any more of this seemingly unsolvable shit. And I honestly think it's going to continue to get worse before it starts to get better.

Try to take care of each other out there, okay?

--

*For younger readers: oh yeah, during Hitler's rise to power until Pearl Harbor, there were PLENTY of people who thought Hitler was just swell.

** I'd actually argue the trauma cycle started with Vietnam, but it really accelerated with the 24 hour news cycle, the increase in internet speeds, and the events of 9/11.

***On a related note, be EXTREMELY leery of those online who won't accept anything but full-scale revolution as a remedy. Most of the time, these people have no plan for what comes after or seem to think that when society collapses, they'll be on top of the pile, ready to be the boot.

****The kinds of changes that would be needed to wipe out war, prejudice, and many other systemic problems are probably going to take decades, if not centuries. And because of the always on demand nature of society right now, a lot of people seem to have a real problem wrapping their heads around that. Change for the worse happens immediately. Change for the better takes a LOT longer.

#compassion fatigue #state of the world #united states #cannot wait for the shitshow this post is going to start

[mariacallous]

Jalon Hall thought she was being scammed when a recruiter reached out on LinkedIn about a job moderating YouTube videos in 2020. Months after earning a master’s degree in criminal justice, her only job had been at a law firm investigating discrimination cases. But the offer was real, and Hall, who is Black and Deaf, sailed through the interviews.

She would be part of a new in-house moderation team of about 100 people called Wolverine, trudging daily through freezing weather to offices in suburban Detroit during the early pandemic. When she accepted the job, the recruiter said via email that a sign language interpreter would be provided “and can be fully accommodated :)” That assurance unraveled within days of joining Google—and her experience at the company has proven difficult in the years since.

Hall now works on responsible use of AI at Google and by all available accounts is the company’s first and only Black, Deaf employee. The company has feted her at events and online as representative of a workplace welcoming to all. Google’s LinkedIn account praised her last year for “helping expand opportunities for Black Deaf professionals!” while on Instagram the company thanked her “for making #LifeAtGoogle more inclusive!” Yet behind the rosy marketing, Hall accuses Google of subjecting her to both racism and audism, prejudice against the deaf or hard of hearing. She says the company denied her access to a sign language interpreter and slow-walked upgrades to essential tools.

After filing three HR complaints that she says yielded little change, Hall sued Google in December, alleging discrimination based on her race and disability. The company responded this week, arguing that the case should be thrown out on procedural grounds, including bringing the claims too late, but didn’t deny Hall’s accusations. “Google is using me to make them look inclusive for the Deaf community and the overall Disability community,” she says. “In reality, they need to do better.”

Hall, who is in her thirties, has stayed at Google in hopes of spurring improvements for others. She chose to talk with WIRED despite fearing for her safety and job prospects because she feels the company has ignored her. “I was born to push through hard times,” she says. “It would be selfish to quit Google. I’m standing in the gap for those often pushed aside.” Hall’s experiences, which have not been previously reported, are corroborated by over two dozen internal documents seen by WIRED as well as interviews with four colleagues she confided in and worked alongside.

Employees who are Black or disabled are in tiny minorities at Google, a company of nearly 183,000 people that has long been criticized for an internal culture that heavily favors people who fit tech industry norms. Google’s Deaf and hard-of-hearing employee group has 40 members. And Black women, who make up only about 2.4 percent of Google’s US workforce, leave the company at a disproportionately higher rate than women of other races, company data showed last year.

Several former Black women employees, including AI researcher Timnit Gebru and recruiter April Christina Curley, have publicly alleged they were sidelined by an internal culture that disrespected them. Curley is leading a proposed class action lawsuit accusing Google of systemic bias but has lost initial court battles.

Google spokesperson Emily Hawkins didn’t directly address Hall’s allegations when asked about them by WIRED. “We are committed to building an inclusive workplace and offer a range of accommodations to support the success of our employees, including sign language interpreters and captioning,” Hawkins says.

Figuring out how to accommodate people like Hall could be good business for Google. One in every 10 people by 2050 will have disabling hearing loss, according to the World Health Organization.

Mark Takano, who represents a slice of Southern California in the US House and cochairs the Congressional Deaf Caucus, says that Google has an obligation to lead the way in demonstrating that its technology and employment practices are accommodating. “When Deaf and hard-of-hearing employees are excluded because of the inability to provide an accessible workplace, there is a great pool of talent that is left untapped—and we all lose out,” he says.

Unaccommodated

Hall was born with profound bilateral sensorineural hearing loss, meaning that even with hearing aids her brain cannot process sounds well. Two separate audiologists in memos to Google said Hall needs an American Sign Language interpreter full-time. She also signs pre- and post-segregation Black ASL, which uses more two-handed signs and incorporates some African American vernacular.

During her childhood in Louisiana, Hall's parents pushed her into speech therapy and conventional schools, where she found that some people doubted she was Deaf because she can speak. She later attended a high school for Deaf students where she became homecoming and prom queen, and realized how much more she could achieve when provided appropriate support.

Hall expected to find a similar environment at Google when she moved to Farmington Hills, Michigan, to become a content moderator. The company contracts ASL interpreters from a vendor called Deaf Services of Palo Alto, or DSPA. But though Hall had been assigned to enforce YouTube’s child safety rules, managers wouldn’t let her interpreters help her review that content. Google worried about exposing contractors to graphic imagery and cited confidentiality concerns, despite the fact interpreters in the US follow a code of conduct that includes confidentiality standards.

Managers transferred Hall into training to screen for videos spreading misinformation about Covid and elections. She developed a workflow that saw her default to using lipreading and automated transcriptions to review videos and turn to her interpreter if she needed further help. The transcriptions on videos used in training were high quality, so she had little trouble.

Her system fell apart late in January 2021, about 20 minutes into one of her first days screening new content. The latest video in her queue was difficult to make sense of using lipreading, and the AI transcriptions in the software YouTube built for moderators were poor quality or even absent for recently uploaded content. She turned to her interpreter’s desk a few feet away—but to her surprise it was empty. “I was going to say, ‘Do you mind coming listening to this?’” she recalls.

Hall rose to ask a manager about the interpreter’s whereabouts. He told her that he and fellow managers had decided that she could no longer have an interpreter in the room because it threatened the confidentiality of the team’s work. She could now talk with her interpreter only during breaks or briefly bring them in to clarify policies with managers. She was told to skip any videos she couldn’t judge through sight alone.

Feeling wronged and confused by the new restrictions, Hall slumped back into her chair. US law requires companies to provide reasonable accommodations to a disabled worker unless it would cause the employer significant difficulty or expense. “This was not a reasonable accommodation,” she says. “I was thinking, What did I get myself into? Do they not believe I’m Deaf? I need my interpreter all day. Why are you robbing me of the chance of doing my job?”

‘Pushed Aside’

Without her interpreter, Hall struggled. She rarely met the quota of 75 videos each moderator was expected to review over an eight-hour day. She often had to watch through a video in its entirety, sometimes more than an hour, before concluding she could not assess it. “I felt humiliated, realizing that I would not grow in my career,” she says.

Throughout that February, Hall spoke to managers across YouTube about the need for better transcriptions in the moderation software. They told her it would take weeks or more to improve them, possibly even years. She asked for a transfer to child safety, since she had heard from a colleague that visuals alone could be used to decide many of those videos. An HR complaint filed that spring led nowhere.

Black and disabled colleagues eventually helped secure Hall a transfer into Google’s Responsible AI and Human-Centered Technology division in July 2021. It is run by vice president Marian Croak, Google’s most distinguished Black female technical leader. Hall says Croak supported her and described what she’d been through as unacceptable. But even in the new role, Hall’s interpreter was restricted to non-confidential conversations.

Hall says the discrimination against her has continued under her new manager, who is also Black, leading to her exclusion from projects and meetings. Even when she’s present some coworkers don’t make much effort to include her. “My point of view is often not heard,” Hall says. In 2021, she joined two gatherings of Google’s Equitable AI Research Roundtable, an advisory body, but then wasn’t invited again. “I feel hidden and pushed aside,” she says.

Hall filed an internal complaint against her manager in March 2022, and an HR staffer has joined their one-on-one meetings since October of that year. One of the interpreters who has assisted Hall says the friction Deaf workers encounter is sadly unsurprising. “People truly don’t take the time to learn about their peers,” the interpreter says.

The allegations are notable in part because a civil rights audit Google commissioned found last March that it needs to do more to train managers. “One of the largest areas of opportunity is improving managers’ ability to lead a diverse workforce,” attorneys for WilmerHale wrote. Hawkins, the Google spokesperson, says all employees have access to inclusion training.

Hall says when she has access to an interpreter, they are rotated throughout the week, forcing her to repeatedly explain some technical concepts. “Google is going the cheap route,” Hall claims, saying her interpreters in university were more literate in tech jargon.

Kathy Kaufman, director of coordinating services at DSPA, says it pays above market rates, dedicates a small pool to each company so the vocabulary becomes familiar, hires tech specialists, and trains those who are not. Kaufman also declined to confirm that Google is a client or comment on its policies.

Google’s Hawkins says that the company is trying to make improvements. Google’s accommodations team is currently seeking employees to join a new working group to smooth over policies and procedures related to disabilities.

Beside Hall’s concerns, Deaf workers over the past two years have complained about Google’s plans—shelved, for now—to switch away from DSPA without providing assurances that a new interpreter provider would be better, according to a former Google employee, speaking on the condition of anonymity to protect their job prospects. Blind employees have had the human guides they rely on excluded from internal systems due to confidentiality concerns in recent years, and they have long complained that key internal tools, like a widely used assignment tracker, are incompatible with screen readers, according to a second former employee.

Advocates for disabled workers try to hold out hope but are discouraged. “The premise that everyone deserves a shot at every role rests on the company doing whatever it takes to provide accommodations,” says Stephanie Parker, a former senior strategist at YouTube who helped Hall navigate the Google bureaucracy. “From my experience with Google, there is a pretty glaring lack of commitment to accessibility.”

Not Recorded

Hall has been left to watch as colleagues hired alongside her as content moderators got promoted. More than three years after joining Google, she remains a level 2 employee on its internal ranking, defined as someone who receives significant oversight from a manager, making her ineligible for Google peer support and retention programs. Internal data shows that most L2 employees reach L3 within three years.

Last August, Hall started her own community, the Black Googler Network Deaf Alliance, teaching its members sign language and sharing videos and articles about the Black Deaf community. “This is still a hearing world, and the Deaf and hearing have to come together,” she says.

On the responsible AI team, Hall has been compiling research that would help people at Google working on AI services such as virtual assistants understand how to make them accessible to the Black Deaf community. She personally recruited 20 Black Deaf users to discuss their views on the future of technology for about 90 minutes in exchange for up to $100 each; Google, which reported nearly $74 billion in profit last year, would only pay for 13. The project was further derailed by an unexpected flaw in Google Meet, the company’s video chat service.

Hall’s first interview was with someone who is Deaf and Blind. The 90-minute call, which included two interpreters to help her and the subject converse, went well. But when Hall pulled up the recording to begin putting together her report, it was almost entirely blank. Only when Hall’s interpreter spoke did the video include any visuals. The signing between everyone on the call was missing, preventing her from fully transcribing the interview. It turned out that Google Meet doesn’t record video of people who aren’t vocalizing, even when their microphones are unmuted.

“My heart dropped,” Hall told WIRED using the video chat app Sivo, which allows all participants to see each other while a hearing person and sign language interpreter speak by phone. Hall spent the evening trying to soothe her devastation, meditating, praying, and playing with her dog, which she has trained in ASL commands.

Hall filed a support ticket and spoke to a top engineer for Google Meet who said fixing the issue wasn’t a priority. WIRED later found evidence that users had publicly reported similar issues for years. Microsoft Teams generally will record signing, but Hall wasn’t permitted to use it. She ended up hacking together a workflow for documenting her interviews by laboriously editing together Meet recordings and screen-captured video using tools that she paid $46 a month for out of her own pocket.

Company spokesperson Hawkins did not dispute Meet’s limitations but claims support for the Deaf community is a priority at Google, where work underway includes developing computer vision software to translate sign language.

Google leaders have often paid lip service to the importance of including people with diverse experiences in research and development, but Hall has found the reality lacking. Despite her understanding of the Black Deaf community and research into its needs, she says she is yet to be invited to support the sign translation work. In her experience, Google’s conception of diversity can be narrow. “In the AI department, a lot of conversations are around race and gender,” Hall says. “No one emphasizes disability.”

Her research showed Black, Deaf users are concerned about the potential for AI systems to misinterpret signs, generate poor captions, take jobs from interpreters, and disadvantage individuals who opt for manual interpretation. It underscored that companies need to consider whether new tools would make someone who is unable to hear feel closer or further from the people with whom they are communicating.

Hall presented her findings internally last December over a Google Meet call. Twenty-four colleagues joined, including a research director. Hall had been encouraged, including by Croak, to invite a much larger audience from across the company but ultimately stuck with the short list insisted upon by her manager. She didn’t even bother trying to record it.

[gyuluttony]

Camera Weight

oooh once again, if i'm not given something, i'm just going to keep pushing out the minwon mutual gain fics because something about them has my brain like hardwired rn sdfjhs i hope y'all don't get sick of me writing them in situations like this. i mainly write scenarios that get my rocks off so a lot of them are similar because i like this stuff SDFJS

As a warning, this is a feederism fic and features weight gain, mutual gaining, weight gain denial and dry humping. Don't like, don't read.

The setting for this one is that Wonwoo is an office worker who didn't end up going to the office post pandemic so works from home and Mingyu is a mukbanger. You can see where I'm going here.

Wonwoo closed the laptop that he had for work, making sure that the fake smile he wore stayed on for a couple of moments even after being aware that the camera was long hidden. When he heard the sound of the device powering down, he let out a sigh of relief.

Every work meeting was so tiring. He could only be so amused in seeing Seungkwan and Soonyoung butt heads and it seemed that Jihoon shared the same sentiment considering he looked just as tired when the meeting finished. When the team leads had such vast creative differences, it was a miracle any work could be done.

The miracle in question being named Jeon Wonwoo. Looking at his wristwatch, Wonwoo hurriedly pushed his laptop to the side as he started his home desktop, a set up that was used for much more important matters than organizing spreadsheets and data.

His phone buzzed and he saw Jihoon's contact name as well as a text: "Have fun on your date 😘" Wonwoo felt his face grow warm as he grimaced. Of course he would have slipped while drunk and accidentally confided one of his darkest secrets in a while to his best friend, but he didn't realize it was a free pass to jab at him whenever.

As his screen switched on, there was a small smile that came across his face as he opened Youtube, eager to see the face that he had grown a little parasocially attached to in the past couple of months. The wide smile of the other man pulled at the corners of his mouth as he watched him.

"Wow, it's like the turn out gets bigger for every live that I have!" He waved eagerly and Wonwoo shyly waved back at the screen, almost as if the other man could see him through it. Wonwoo reached for the bag that was at the side of his desk, pulling out his meal.

He had always been a peculiar case when it came to remembering to eat. In school, he had no problem with it because everyone around him ate around the same time but if there was no one to eat with, he just didn't feel the urge to. It was a rather atrocious habit to have but it didn't affect him all too much.

Until he got to work and working from home with his new position. Now, it wasn't out of the blue for him to work the whole day and spend his lunch playing games until Jihoon called him out for it because he was concerned at how much weight Wonwoo had lost in the past couple of months. He was well aware of his friend's habit when it came to eating so he recommended that tried just watching some mukbang streams on his lunch break so it was like he had company.

It was helpful actually! Slowly, he was remembering to eat and just eating properly in general. That was until he found Kimgyu. A mukbang channel that had grown in popularity around the time Wonwoo started paying attention. Originally, he just wanted to see what all the hype was about until he actually tuned in.

A fit, handsome young man who cooked meals for himself for videos and streamed his mukbangs afterwards. The meals he cooked looked good and honestly, Wonwoo admitted that the one making the meals looked even better so he became something of a dedicated fan.

"Today, I made a lot actually... I don't know if I can finish everything that's in here but we'll see." Wonwoo opened his own matching containers as he prepared to eat.

Did they mess up his order? It looked bigger than usual. As he popped a dumpling into his mouth, he shrugged it off since it tasted as good as it usually did. Kimgyu was rather popular for telling stories and anecdotes and realizing he shared a little too much on livestreams but the ditz factor was something that Wonwoo liked (and would rather die than admit).

Kimgyu slurped the noodles in his pan full of them and chewed while he read some responses, "Oh, you're going to get puffy if you're eating that much." A smile comes across his face, "Ah, you're talking about my face. I am getting a lot puffier in general though, don't you think?"

Wonwoo felt his face grow hot, watching Kimgyu show off his new belly in profile on the camera. It was starting to pooch out and he had barely eaten anything. That wasn't there when he first started watching him and... it was making him feel all sorts of things.

Squirming in his computer chair, Wonwoo felt the warmth spread into his system more as he listened, "I do work out still but honestly, I'm starting to explore dishes a lot more instead and I can only do so much cardio." There was a whining tone in Kimgyu's voice that sent shivers down Wonwoo's spine before he was interrupted. "Oh, but I think everyone's enjoying themselves lately it's fine!"

All the chat became a chorus asking why he came to that conclusion and Wonwoo was now hyperaware of the fat around his face, only making his pout more babylike. "I think everyone is just having better food these days! There's..." It was Kimgyu's turn to blush as the chat teased him and encouraged him to continue and he looked rather shy.

Wonwoo wiped his hands on his hoodie as he typed, 'There's what?'

The hand on Kimgyu's face hid a smile as he admitted, "You guys... need to make sure this stays between us. I'm not saying it in a mean way!" Wonwoo nodded, acting like it was a one-on-one conversation while he ate large bites of his rice bowl.

"There's a guy in my building and when I moved in a year ago, he was like... small. Which, there's nothing wrong with! But, he was around my height and I was worried like even the wind would blow him over. But, when I see him recently, he's gotten more sturdy so now, I think it's not like putting on weight is a bad thing."

The chat began to tease him and Kimgyu looked flustered as he explained hurriedly, "I- I mean he's always looked good but he looks even better n- I think I'm just going to stop talking about it." Stuffing his face with a large mouthful of noodles, Kimgyu stated, "So, don't worry about me getting puffy! I'm eating well."

The stream continued and Wonwoo was left wondering why he was feeling the most turned on he's felt in a while. Was... Kimgyu into guys that put on weight? It was one thing to know that he was into guys but it was another that it was a possible fetish as to why he had been getting bigger recently.

Wonwoo opened some videos after the stream, looking at the videos he found when he located Kimgyu's channel for the first time. His arm muscles were bulging because he admitted to doing cooking videos after his workouts. His pecs were large and firm, always making their presence known in his clothes and his ass was doing the same down lower.

But, in the recent videos, these same clothes showed just how much he had been enjoying those meals. Gone was the small waist that Wonwoo drooled over on a couple of occasions, replaced with something that was burgeoning with fat and pressing into his shirt by the end of his streams. At the end of today's, he could have sworn he saw golden skin spill out of the fabric and his hand slipped under his pants to stroke himself at the thought. He had been eating himself bigger everyday and let his massive internet fanbase know about it.

It was hard not to pay attention after. Seeing the way his gut was starting to rest on counters while he was mixing, making the appendage jiggle. Wonwoo couldn't really say that he was only watching because he needed the company to eat. He was watching because he was getting his rocks off on seeing Kimgyu get fatter with each passing week.

From the shots that lingered on his ass that only got wider and stretching the seams of his pants with each and every video or the belly that was no longer able to be contained in shirts, he was going to sleep to the sound of Kimgyu's voice, giving directions on how to cook kimchi fried rice that does good in a caloric deficit while his body showed itself to be in a heavy surplus.

He was still eating with him during the mukbang streams but Wonwoo found himself eating a lot longer considering Kimgyu's portion sizes were growing each time as well. But, it was hard not to get side tracked as he moaned about how full he was, even slipping his hand under his shirt to rub the bloated belly that Wonwoo had pictured plenty of times before seeing white in his vision.

It was a little upsetting he missed the final livestream celebration for his two million subscriber milestone. He was working overtime on a project and most people could sense the grumpy energy from Wonwoo as he typed away at his computer in the office.

"Yo." Jihoon's easygoing gesture was met with a rather cold side eye that would have swayed anyone away. Unfortunately for Wonwoo, Jihoon was well aware that Wonwoo just looked like that and it wasn't pointed... mostly.

"Remind me to never let Seungkwan and Soonyoung lead a project again." A chuckle comes from his friend, laughing at his misery. "Well, this was one of the company's biggest successes in a while so I have some bad news for you."

Wonwoo's groan must have been music to Jihoon's ears at the way his laughter sounded so triumphant before he said, "Let's go grab dinner. We're free tonight from their hell temporarily."

His original plan was to watch the stream VOD while getting dinner but he missed his friend so he shut down the computer after a couple of moments, making sure everything was in check. "Okay, your treat."

Wonwoo wasn't a heavyweight per say, but he definitely could handle his alcohol. He was prepared to get even with Jihoon constantly teasing him about his parasocial boyfriend and he had to hold his tongue at the way he was watching him put on weight over the past couple of months and the amount of things he's done to those videos.

So, using his wallet to get drunk and eat whatever he wanted was payback enough. Jihoon rolled his eyes as Wonwoo got out of his car with a little difficulty, stumbling from the alcohol he drank and the food that he ate. "Maybe mukbangs were a bad influence because I don't think any person should have that much food in one sitting."

Wonwoo smiled as he stuck his tongue out, "Sucks. You offered to pay." Jihoon smiled as he muttered some curses, "Get upstairs safely!" He drove off after watching Wonwoo enter the building but in the lobby, it was really starting to hit him how much he drank.

He felt himself swaying before something supported him. It was large and sturdy. "Are you okay? You're not walking straight and I saw you almost fall while going to the elevator."

Wonwoo hummed in response, "Mm, I'm fine. Just had a lot to drink so thanks for ca-" The words got caught in his throat when his eyes focused and he saw the face that was staring at him.

"Kimgyu-" The words left his mouth before he could realize and both of them looked rather flustered by the admission so plainly. Wonwoo moved away, albeit somewhat shaky and Kimgyu saw the movement before moving back, his hand placed at Wonwoo's waist, "Sorry, I'm not used to being called that in real life. Just call me Mingyu and... let me help you up."

His fans were right because the puppy dog eyes that were pleading were near lethal to him at this moment in time as Wonwoo conceded, "Thanks." Mingyu's smile was wide as he moved Wonwoo's arm around his broad shoulders and supported him the whole way.

It was a difficult trip considering Wonwoo was going insane feeling the immense presence of the man next to him and the realization that they lived in the same building. He felt Mingyu's belly pressing into his side and saw it sway in his peripheral with each step they took and they ended up in the elevator.

Mingyu awkwardly chuckled, "Y'know, it doesn't hit me that people know me until they say my username but thank you for your support..." He trailed off, almost expectant before Wonwoo nearly facepalmed, "Ah, my name's Wonwoo. Sorry, I was..."

"Starstruck?" Mingyu's smile was charming which was doing no favours considering Wonwoo was oogling the body that was lingering a little close to him.

Wonwoo sighed, a smile on his face, "Trying not to fall." Mingyu looked flustered that his attempt at flirting fell through before Wonwoo added, "And maybe a little." He could practically see a tail wagging from behind the other man before the elevator arrived at his floor.

He was feeling a little better already because the shock helped him sober up but as the door open, Mingyu was ready to head to his floor before Wonwoo asked. "Did... you want to come to my apartment? I'm sure there's something I can share with you."

He stepped out in case the invitation was declined and Mingyu smiled as he followed, "I know all I do on stream is eat but you don't have to offer me food." His stomach gurgled as he flushed, "But, I wouldn't say no."

Wonwoo chuckled warmly as they entered his apartment.

Despite the first time meeting, it was easy to talk to Mingyu. Wonwoo even surprised himself by saying why he started watching his videos in the first place and Wonwoo looked amused as he looked at the other man sitting next to him on the couch.

"Woah, are you crying? It's not that sad though?"

"Hyung, stop teasing me! It just makes me happy that I could help..." A sniffle broke the silence before Wonwoo laughed warmly, patting Mingyu on the shoulder.

"It's fine! I've gotten to eat regularly... just like you have been." A gentle pat on Mingyu's stomach that pressed into his lap. It was more sinful in person as he looked at the result of months of indulgence on the other man. His muscle was still there but there was a majority of fat that rested on his body.

Mingyu looked at him with a different expression as he leaned in closer and Wonwoo was ready to receive that body pressing against his. Although he froze when he felt a hand on his stomach and squeezed it, now aware of the excess fat that was on his own body.

Mingyu stopped, almost concerned at the reaction while Wonwoo rebooted, "Is it alright?"

Wonwoo moved his hand to Mingyu's, now aware of the spread of his gut as he stated quietly, "I... didn't realize I had gotten so big."

Mingyu seemed to be taken aback by the statement before the same look in his eyes popped up as he asked, "Where's your bathroom?" Wonwoo pointed to the closed door as he was flustered from standing so quickly as Mingyu took him.

Taking him to the mirror, Wonwoo stood in front while Mingyu stood behind him, feeling his gut pressing against the curve of his back as he took in the sight.

Everything was making more sense now. Why he was eating longer during Mingyu's streams. Why he took longer in the shower while cleaning himself. Why the bottom of his stomach felt cold when brushing his teeth. Why the floors creaked if he walked quickly to get his take out that he ordered. Why he got out of breath when taking the stairs for his one day a week at work.

He had gotten fat. Mingyu's hands cupped his belly and he gasped, "Remember when I said I was looking at the guy who got bigger? I was talking about you, hyung." Lifting his belly, the sound of the clothed protruding body part echoed in the bathroom as Wonwoo whimpered.

"It was one thing that you didn't even know you were getting bigger but this? You even burst a button and didn't even know." Mingyu's hand slipped into the gap of his button down that he didn't notice until now. Did Jihoon notice when this happened? Is that why he looked at him funnily after he ordered more food? Was the proof of his gluttony somewhere in the restaurant they went to?

Mingyu's hands played with Wonwoo's fat body as he whimpered from the touch. "Hyung, I did this by choice." He brought Wonwoo's hands to his own belly as he groaned, feeling Mingyu press him against the counter with their combined weight.

"But you? You did this without even realizing. Look how massive you are everywhere." Mingyu's hands roamed around Wonwoo's body, making him more aware of the fat that bulged all over him. His moobs that rested on his gut. They were properly rivaling Mingyu's and he moaned when the other man squeezed them.

"You won't ever fit into this again." Mingyu pulled the button down apart, ripping the buttons off as they were freed from the strain of Wonwoo's fat body as he braced himself on the counter, so horny it was hard to stand up. His plump ass ground into Mingyu's crotch, eliciting a sigh of pleasure from him before he felt Mingyu's hands on his waist, sinking into the fat as his belly pressed onto Wonwoo's back, gurgling from the snacks that he had filled up on.

Wonwoo looked in the mirror and saw how much they had both blown up in the past couple of months as the apex of his belly felt cool from the counter it was squishing against, spilling nearly all over the sink area as Mingyu grinded his crotch into Wonwoo's wide ass.

It was hard to last long when realizing just how much he had blown up and all the praise Mingyu was feeding him. He was already stuffed full of food and memories of how much he had done it before, rubbing his gut not even aware of how much his computer chair creaked after each meal because it was starting to strain to hold Wonwoo's obese body. He felt Mingyu convulse as the cloth now sounded wet and Wonwoo felt himself release at the realization that Mingyu was so turned on by how fat he was and how he felt their combined weight with his awareness and the way Mingyu jiggled as he rode out his high.

Catching their breaths, Mingyu clutched Wonwoo's stomach as it got a shuddering sigh from the other man.

"So, should I expect a guest for my next mukbang?"

#kpop feederism #chubby wonwoo #chubby mingyu #gyuluttonous behaviour #weight gain fiction