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#how can 3 men who are so clever be so stupid
crownmemes · 11 days
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Oblivious Sentences, Vol. 3
(Sentences for characters that have a habit of missing the obvious. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"You hide behind your intelligence."
"Are you being intentionally thick?"
"You never could read people, could you?"
"How bad can it be?"
"Even if real human contact is something you don’t have, or even want or need, you should at least be able to see it in other people."
"There are many aspects of human irrationality I do not yet comprehend."
"How do you know you didn't miss something important?"
"Are you saying you want to date me?"
"What people say and do doesn't always make sense."
"You're really not good at reading people, are you?"
"I don't know how to make people like me."
"Is that rhetorical?"
"Forgive me, these things sometimes slip my mind. It won't happen again."
"This actually makes sense to you?"
"Is this some clever practical joke that I'm not aware of?"
"Is that what they say about me now? Paranoid?"
"I've got to warn you, he's lacking in some of the social niceties."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"You really don't know, do you?"
"I'm supposed to show you sympathy?"
"Just because you can't see what's going on doesn't mean no one else can!"
"Am I behaving incorrectly?"
"Was that funny? I never know when I'm being funny."
"I can lie, I'm just not all that good at it."
"I've been out of circulation so long, I've completely forgotten social niceties."
"You know, when you're interested in something and nobody else is, the polite thing is to keep it to yourself."
"I'm trying to make people like me. I want them to like me."
"Your not knowing the reason doesn't mean there isn't one."
"I don't quite understand what's happening here."
"If you look the way you do, and you say what you said, you have to be aware of the effect that it’ll have on men."
"How is it, for a man surrounded by women, that you know so little about us?"
"You're much better at this sort of thing than I am."
"Did I do something to anger him?"
"I know you were trying to help, but there are some people who might not see it that way."
"Sometimes I forget that you have such capacity for pure innocence in your life."
"Is that what we are? Friends?"
"Do you know why people are nice to other people?"
"Is there some significance to this action?"
"It's frustrating not to understand something so fundamental."
"Did I say anything stupid?"
"I've been trying very hard recently to get more in touch with my feelings."
"But how does this even make sense?"
"You're really not good with nuance, are you?"
"I thought you didn't have a sense of humour?"
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denial-permanente · 8 months
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Who do You think u Are the Queen of Sheba....
The Queen of Sheba was a wise and clever queen of a wealthy empire, who eventually married King Solomon. I'd say that is quite a compliment. 😉
Honestly, we get a lot of questions here that are stupid. No matter how much we write that we do not have a relationship like those stupid Tumblr meme pictures that are all over this site, we continually get questions about if I dress my husband like a maid or if I have sex with other men or why don't I unlock him for teasing.
We've been at this blog for like 3 years and have answered at least 200 or 300 questions. So yes... sometimes I get annoyed at the 10th question about cucking in a week. Or things like that.
If you don't like how I answered your question you can always apply for a refund.
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istumpysk · 10 months
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Operation Stumpy Re-Read
TWOW: Victarion I
My little airhead! ❤️
The Noble Lady was a tub of a ship, as fat and wallowing as the noble ladies of the green lands. Her holds were huge, and Victarion packed them with armed men. With her would sail the other, lesser prizes that the Iron Fleet had taken on its long voyage to Slaver's Bay, a lubberly assortment of cogs, great cogs, carracks, and trading galleys salted here and there with fishing boats. It was a fleet both fat and feeble, promising much in the way of wool and wines and other trade goods and little in the way of danger. Victarion gave the command of it to Wulf One-Ear. "The slavers may shiver when they spy your sails rising from the sea," he told him. "but once they see you plain they will laugh at their fears. Traders and fishers, that's all you are. Any man can see that. Let them get close as they like, but keep your men hidden belowdecks until you are ready. Then close, and board them.
Explain to me how somebody can be stupid when they're so clever in battle. Impossible!
Compare this to Barry's strategy: leaving the protection of the walls and running at them.
Barristan: 0
Vicky: 1
+.+.+
Free the slaves and feed the slavers to the sea, but take the ships. We will have need of every hull to carry us back home.
Victarion wants all the slaves freed, whereas Barry told his men spare them if you can. That's not good enough.
Barristan: 0
Vicky: 2
+.+.+
The warship and the cog parted ways. In the distance the rest of Victarion's famed fleet was raising sail. A ragged cheer went up from the crew of the Iron Victory, and was answered in kind by the men of the Noble Lady.
Nobody cheered for Barry.
Barristan: 0
Vicky: 3
+.+.+
Victarion had given Wulf his best fighters. He envied them. They would be the first to strike a blow, the first to see that look of fear in the foemen's eyes. 
Of course he did! A selfless king.
Meanwhile, Barry's monopolizing all the pit fighters, while simultaneously looking down on them.
Barristan: 0
Vicky: 4
It's a blowout.
+.+.+
All that was done and gone now, though. Victarion would have his due at last. I have the horn, and soon I will have the woman. A woman lovelier than the wife he made me kill.
I'm going to guess Victarion Greyjoy has narrow ideals when it comes to physical attractiveness.
Daenerys is currently emaciated, with minimal hair. I won't endorse whatever thoughts may cross his mind when he eventually sees her, but I can't promise I won't laugh.
+.+.+
Three of them, and strong ones. "Send them to my cabin. I'll want the priest as well." The oarsmen were all big. One was a boy, one a brute, one a bastard's bastard. The Boy had been rowing for less than a year, the Brute for twenty. They had names, but Victarion did not know them. One had come from Lamentation, one from Sparrow Hawk, one from Spider Kiss. He could not be expected to know the names of every thrall who had ever pulled an oar in the Iron Fleet.
Agreed! Ridiculous expectation. If they wanted to be known they should have considered being named Ralf.
+.+.+
Moqorro brought it forth, and the dusky woman lifted up a lantern to give them all a look. In the shifting lantern light the hell-horn seemed to writhe and turn in the priest’s hands like a serpent fighting to escape. 
See how quickly Vicky has Moqorro and the enslaved woman of colour cooperating?
Daenerys needs Vicky, like Jon needs Sansa.
+.+.+
"My brother found this thing on Valyria," Victarion told the thralls. "Think how big the dragon must've been to bear two of these upon his head. Bigger than Vhagar or Meraxes, bigger than Balerion the Black Dread." He took the horn from Moqorro and ran his palm along its curves. "At the Kingsmoot on Old Wyk one of Euron's mutes blew upon this horn. Some of you will remember. It was not a sound that any man who heard it will ever forget." "They say he died," the Boy said, "him who blew the horn." "Aye. The horn was smoking after. The mute had blisters on his lips, and the bird inked across his chest was bleeding. He died the next day. When they cut him open his lungs were black."
We have every reason to question whether Euron actually found this horn in Valyria.
A smile played across Euron's blue lips. "I am the storm, my lord. The first storm, and the last. I have taken the Silence on longer voyages than this, and ones far more hazardous. Have you forgotten? I have sailed the Smoking Sea and seen Valyria."
[...]
"Have you?" the Reader asked, so softly.
Euron's blue smile vanished. "Reader," he said into the quiet, "you would do well to keep your nose in your books." - The Reaver, AFFC
What I didn't notice until now is the striking similarities between the mute's death and when Melisandre killed that eagle.
The sound was shocking, ear-piercing, thick with agony. Varamyr fell, writhing, and the 'cat was screaming too . . . and high, high in the eastern sky, against the wall of cloud, Jon saw the eagle burning. For a heartbeat it flamed brighter than a star, wreathed in red and gold and orange, its wings beating wildly at the air as if it could fly from the pain. Higher it flew, and higher, and higher still. - Jon X, ASOS
x
His last death had been by fire. I burned. At first, in his confusion, he thought some archer on the Wall had pierced him with a flaming arrow… but the fire had been inside him, consuming him. And the pain… - Prologue, ADWD
vs.
All eyes turned toward the sound. It was one of Euron's mongrels winding the call, a monstrous man with a shaved head. Rings of gold and jade and jet glistened on his arms, and on his broad chest was tattooed some bird of prey, talons dripping blood.
[...]
It was a terrible sound, a wail of pain and fury that seemed to burn the ears. Aeron Damphair covered his, and prayed for the Drowned God to raise a mighty wave and smash the horn to silence, yet still the shriek went on and on. It is the horn of hell, he wanted to scream, though no man would have heard him. The cheeks of the tattooed man were so puffed out they looked about to burst, and the muscles in his chest twitched in a way that it made it seem as if the bird were about to rip free of his flesh and take wing. And now the glyphs were burning brightly, every line and letter shimmering with white fire. - The Drowned Man, AFFC
I don't know what this means.
Does the horn have something to do with R'hllor?
The sound it made … it burned, somehow. As if my bones were on fire, searing my flesh from within. - Victarion I, ADWD
x
"Here it says, 'No mortal man shall sound me and live.'" - Victarion I, ADWD
Looking back, this feels like R'hllor nonsense.
+.+.+
He brushed his hand across one of the red gold bands and the ancient glyph seemed to sing beneath his fingertips. For half a heartbeat he wanted nothing so much as to sound the horn himself.
Am I crazy, or does that read like the horn has a hypnotic grip on him?
+.+.+
Euron was a fool to give me this, it is a precious thing, and powerful. With this I'll win the Seastone Chair, and then the Iron Throne. With this I'll win the world.
Euron is a lot of things, but he's no fool.
He's never giving up the horn if it's in any way useful.
+.+.+
"Claggorn blew the horn thrice and died for it. He was as big as any of you, and strong as me. So strong that he could twist a man's head right off his shoulders with only his bare hands, and yet the horn killed him."
"Cragorn's died, you know."
"Who?"
"The man who blew my dragon horn. When the maester cut him open, his lungs were charred as black as soot." - The Reaver, AFFC
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+.+.+
"It will kill us too, then," said the Boy. Victarion did not oft forgive a thrall for talking out of turn, but the Boy was young, no more than twenty, and soon to die besides. He let it pass.
Lol.
One day you will all come to realize Victarion is as entertaining as Cersei, and then you'll all owe me an apology.
+.+.+
"The mute sounded the horn three times. You three will sound it only once. Might be you'll die, might be you won't. All men die. The Iron Fleet is sailing into battle. Many on this very ship will be dead before the sun goes down – stabbed or slashed, gutted, drowned, burned alive – only the Gods know which of us will still be here come the morrow. Sound the horn and live and I'll make free men of you, one or two or all three. I'll give you wives, a bit of land, a ship to sail, thralls of your own. Men will know your names."
Does it actually need to be sounded three times? Is that written anywhere? Are we only doing that because Claggorn did?
+.+.+
"You will sail with me on Iron Victory," he told them, "but you will not join the battle. Boy, you're the youngest – you'll sound the horn first. When the time comes you will blow it long and loud. They say you are strong. Blow the horn until you are too weak to stand, until the last bit of breath has been squeezed from you, until your lungs are burning. Let the freedmen hear you in Meereen, the slavers in Yunkai, the ghosts in Astapor. Let the monkeys shit themselves at the sound when it rolls across the Isle of Cedars. Then pass the horn along to the next man. Do you hear me? Do you know what to do?"
As discussed in the previous chapter, without even factoring in how the dragons (or Victarion?) might react to it, there's a possibility this horn creates a lot of confusion and chaos.
"Listen for my horn," Ser Barristan told them. "If you hear the retreat, fall back. Our walls stand behind us, packed with Brazen Beasts. Our foes dare not come too close, or they will find themselves in crossbow range. If you hear the horn sound advance, advance at once. Make for my standard or the queen's." - Barristan I, TWOW
+.+.+
They left him one by one. The three thralls, and then Moqorro. Victarion would not let him take the hell-horn. "I will keep it here with me, until it is needed." "As you command. Would you have me bleed you?"
Looks like Vicky has gone ahead with horn blood magic.
"Your brother did not sound the horn himself. Nor must you." Moqorro pointed to the band of steel. "Here. 'Blood for fire, fire for blood.' Who blows the hellhorn matters not. The dragons will come to the horn's master. You must claim the horn. With blood." - Victarion I, ADWD
Do you see how he won't let Moqorro have the horn? Something weird is going on, I can feel it.
If he can bleed, does that confirm he's not dead/reanimated?
+.+.+
Victarion seized the dusky woman by the wrist and pulled her to him. "She will do it. Go pray to your red god. Light your fire, and tell me what you see." Moqorro's dark eyes seemed to shine. "I see dragons."
I see dead people.
Final thoughts:
That's not the end of the chapter.
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(my phrasing) Thanks for clarifying, lol.
"My horn...dragons..." is giving this:
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I fear my Vicky has done something terribly stupid.
It's okay, he'll be fine. Trust the process. Everything is going according to plan. Falling into molten rock with a ring, falling into the ocean with your brother ... same thing.
Next chapter: Tyrion I (summary #1, summary #2)
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totally-not-your-babe · 2 months
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Too Much Love Will Kill You Vol.1 Chapter 3
Summary: Hel and Crosshair having a stand off
Warnings: mention of injury, mention of nudity (I guess) violence, use of firearm, cursing, knives, mention of blood and death (let me know if you find anything else worthy of warnings)
word count: 2429
Author's note: This chapter is slightly or not so slightly longer than the ones before. I will be honest I did research on the planet they are heading and looked in the map that how far it was from Coruscant, but I'm not sure if the time they got there is realistic or not, so apologies.
MASTERLIST
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"I told them we should have restrained you."
„Crosshair” I breathed out and I just realised how dry my throat and mouth were.
“Pleasure.” he nodded mockingly and kept pointing his rifle at me.
“If you think that I’m going to put it down” I gripped the hilt of the blade tighter. “you are wrong.”
“Then you are not as clever as I thought you were.” he scoffed.
“Maybe, but I’m faster than you’d think.” I was bluffing of course. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that in my condition I had any chance to get to him before he shot me dead.
Neither of us moved, we were just staring at each other waiting for the other to stand down, but we weren’t aware of the other’s stubbornness just yet. I tried to keep myself steady but with every passing second, I felt more and more dizzy and no matter how quickly I blinked I started to see two of the sniper standing in front of me. Then I saw a large figure move out of the corner of my eye.
“What’s going on?” asked Wrecker hesitantly and stepped a little closer to me which made me instinctively take a step back and turn the blade towards him. “Wow! Easy Little Lady!” he raised his hands showing he had no weapon on him. Not like he needed any to over-power me without breaking a sweat. “We don’t want to hurt you.”
“Does he know that?” I nodded towards his brother, who was still aiming his weapon at me.
“Crosshair” Wrecker warned his brother, but he didn’t budge. “Hunter?” he shouted towards the cockpit still putting his hands up assuring me he means no harm. “You remember us, right? We’ve met in the bar, we helped you.”
“Of course, she remembers” said Crosshair his voice raspier than before.
“Tech said she might have concussion.” before I could say anything their brother arrived.
“What’s wro…” but Hunter couldn't finish the sentence when he entered the words stuck in his throat.
“You want me to tell you I told you so now or I should keep it for later?” asked Crosshair with a smug grin. Hunter didn’t answer just shot him a glare, then looked at me with a softer expression on his face and stepped closer.
“Stay where you are!” I snarled at him, and he took a step back mimicking Wrecker’s stance. I was almost sure they meant no harm – well Wrecker and Hunter didn’t – but it was three against one and I wasn't exactly at my best.
“Alright, easy! Let’s all just try to calm down, okay?”
“Where are we going?” I asked trying to stand as straight as I could. My head was pounding even more and the pain in my side started to get worse.
“You are in no position to ask questions.” said Crosshair and it set off something in my brain.
“Now listen to me Sunshine and listen very carefully.” I turned my attention fully towards the sniper pointing at him with the blade. I swear to the Maker, I heard him growl at the “nickname” and I was ready for him to bolt towards me and be at my neck at any moment. “I woke up on an unknown ship, going the Force knows where, with four unknown men around me, one of them pointing a 773 Firepuncher at me from the moment I’ve been up on my feet. So, if anyone here has a good reason to ask questions, it's me.”
“She has a point.” came the fourth voice from behind Hunter. Tech slowly, almost comically slowly walked towards us. “I can assure you; we mean no harm. It really is just an unfortunate series of events. You see while we were trying to – if I may - put you back on your feet, a call came in with a new mission. You were certainly not in any shape to be left alone on Coruscant and we weren’t sure if with your line of work a Medcenter was an option, so we took the liberty to take you with us.” he explained. I was about to say something when the ship started to spin around me, the blade slipped from my fingers, and I was desperately looking for something to hold on to before I could get a closer look at the durasteel floor. I could feel my stomach churning and as if Tech had read my mind, he immediately appeared in front of me with what looked like an empty container. Although I didn’t really get to think about it much as my stomach gave out everything I ate that day, or the day before, depending on how long I have been out. “She for sure has a concussion.” Tech acknowledged as he held my hair keeping it from my face while I was gagging and heaving into the bucket, which made my side hurt even more with every gag that was torn from inside of me.
“For the Force’s sake Crosshair put the rifle down! She is vomiting all over the ship, what do you think she’s gonna do?” I heard Hunter’s frustrated voice.
“I’m trying my best aiming for the bucket, thank you very much.” I said sarcastically, trying to catch my breath. “Although, I can’t promise I won’t throw it at your brother after I’m done.” I added and I heard Crosshair mutter something under his breath, but I didn’t understand what it was. “Thank you.” I looked up at Tech with a tired smile and he only nodded.
“Here.” Wrecker was kneeling next to me – I didn’t even see him move, but again I was pretty busy emptying my stomach just moment before – and handed me a glass of water with a shy smile on his face.
“Thanks.” I breathed with a pained smile, and I reached for the glass. The tips of my fingers were grazing the glass when my gaze strayed to my outstretched arm and my eyebrows shot up. “These are not my clothes.” I looked down on myself and while I waited for their explanation I sat down, and I downed the whole glass of water. It was a black jumpsuit which was obviously too big for me, but not so big for it to be Wrecker’s, I’m sure I would have disappeared in his.
“Yes, well” started Tech and and his face was a little flushed. “your clothes were, well are damaged and we didn’t want to leave you in them so… They got changed…”
“You changed me?” I asked with a serious expression, but I was enjoying his face getting even redder.
“I… I didn’t look.” he stuttered with panic in his voice. “I mean as much as I had to… In a very professional way.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.
“It’s alright.” I said with an amused smile which made him blew out some air which he probably kept in waiting for me to shout at him or something. Crosshair scoffed at his brother’s obvious distress which made me look at him. “You wanted to set me up.” I accused him which made him clench his jaw. Even now that he wasn’t pointing his weapon my direction his stance was threatening. His brothers looked at me with questioning looks and I nodded toward the blade on the floor. “That’s yours, right?” I asked Hunter who nodded. “Where do you keep them?”
“In a box under the bunk?” he said with raised brows.
“So, you don’t leave them laying around on the floor?” he kept looking at me with a puzzled look, then put two and two together and looked at Crosshair with an incredulous expression.
“Really?” Hunter asked but his brother didn’t even bother to look at him, he just kept staring daggers at me.
“You left it out where I would find and take it so you could get all trigger happy with me.” I said while slowly – with the help of Wrecker – standing up.
“You really just wanted to prove that you are right, didn’t you?” asked Wrecker with a little disappointed look on his face.
“Technically he wouldn’t have proven anything. Any sane person in her situation, which is waking up on an unknown spacecraft with strangers, would have looked for weapons to defend themselves if necessary.” Tech interjected as he moved the container with his foot.
“You want me to apologize?” Crosshair raised a brow while putting a toothpick between his lips.
“You really are just a little ray of Sunshine, aren't you?” I challenged which made him take a step towards me. “But at least I proved to be as clever as you thought me to be, if not more.” I added which made him huff.
“Just don’t let it get into your head, Beroya.”
“Sorry about Crosshair.” Hunter sat down beside me when Tech was done with the tests.
Hours passed after that, Tech looked at my injuries and applied some more bacta to my side. I really wanted to tease him a bit more about my clothes, but I was afraid that he would get a stroke if I did. He gave me some meds which helped with the headache and the dizziness and run some more tests just to be sure. Sweet Wrecker kept bringing me water even though I felt like I would explode if I drank one more sip.
“It’s okay.” I looked at him with a smile then turned to the direction where the sniper sat, still watching me like an ice vulture. “He is protective, he wasn’t sure he could trust me around his brothers and did what he thought was the best.” I said and Hunter looked at me with wide eyes. “I didn’t say it wasn’t stupid or an asshole move" I added with a chuckle. "but I understand. Just don’t tell him I said that.”
“Cross my heart.” he said and was quiet for a couple of seconds. “We wrap this mission up, and we will take you home, I promise.” he said in a serious tone, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I have no doubt. So” I started, and Hunter looked at me expectantly. “what is it that your pocket sunshine of a brother called me? Be… beroya? Did he expressed himself eloquently while calling me a bitch or…?”
“No, it means bounty hunter in mando’a.” he explained with a nervous chuckle. “He didn’t call you…”
“Anything that you are not.” Crosshair finished his brother’s sentence standing in front of us.
“How nice of you.” I said in a sarcastic tone with a fake smile. “You seem pretty pissed about me being a bounty hunter.”
“I don’t like that you can never know where your kind’s loyalty lies, if you have any.” he practically growled the words.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Bounty hunters work for credits no matter where they came from. Republic or the seppies…” that was the moment I was on my feet standing right in front of him. He was at least a head taller than me, so I had to look up at him raising my head so high it made my neck hurt but I didn’t care.
“I would never work for the separatists. You hear me? Never.” I saw red even just from the very assumption that I could work for those murderers.
“You expect me to believe that you are willing to refuse working for separatist when they are quite famous for paying their bounty hunters handsomely.” he called after me. I clenched my hands in a fist to stop them from shaking and I avoided looking at any of them, but I felt their eyes on me.
“Oh, is that so? And why is it?”
“Crosshair leave her be.” Hunter warned him but he didn’t listen.
“You're the last person in this galaxy I owe an explanation to.” I spat out turning away from him. “None of your karking business.”
“You believe whatever you want.” I growled. “I’m not working for separatist scum, I’d rather die. I work for the Senate and the Jedi Council; I’m not taking calls from Dooku or his friends.”
“Why?” he pressed, and I spun around.
“It’s this way.” I heard Tech’s voice and turned to him. He led me to the refresher but before we were out of earshot, I heard Hunter’s and Crosshair’s voice.
“Because they murdered my family!” I shouted before I could think through what I was saying. The silence that fell on the ship was almost deafening. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I blinked them away as fast as I could before any of them could see. I took a deep breath, straightened my back and put on as neutral an expression as I could. I looked Crosshair dead in the eye and didn’t look away no matter how bad I wanted to. “I hope that my answer was satisfactory.” I said in an ice-cold tone and looked over all of them. “Would any of you be so kind and show me where the refresher is? Unless” I looked back at Crosshair. “you are afraid that this disloyal bounty hunter will try to kill all of you with the shower head, or with a bar of soap or Force forbid with a roll of toilet paper.”
“You just had to.”
“How was I supposed to know?” Crosshair shot back angrily.
When we get to the refresher door Tech stood beside me not saying anything for a good minute.
“Crosshair” he started and readjusted his goggles. “can be a lot sometimes, but he is not a bad person. I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you. Well not in that way at least…”
“Thank you, Tech.” I said in a monotone voice, I was afraid if I let any emotion slip then there would be no going back and I couldn’t let it happen. It wasn’t the time and place for that. “How long till we get to our destination?”
“We will reach Celanon in about two hours.” Kriff that’s way too long. I can’t just hide away in the refresher for two hours to ignore them.
“You think it would be possible to borrow one of your bunks after I finished in here? I think the meds finally kicked in.” If he saw right through my lie, he didn’t say a thing about it just said he will make sure one of the bunks is decent enough for me to get some sleep in it.
It was going to be a long two hours.
A/N: I wanted to write the mission in this chapter but it kinda run away and with the mision and everything that will happen after it would have been way too long so I had to split it.
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Tags: @techs-stitches @lokigirlszendaya @savebytheodoresnonjosestuff
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triflesandparsnips · 2 years
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Speaking of ahistorical gay pirate fashion: There's something deeply weird about Stede's collars.
When he's at real ease (at sea), his shirt is gaped open, but you'll note that his collar is starched upward so that the shirt points are facing up toward his chin -- not a fashion from the 1710s, but rather from the 1770s.
Figure 1. Dandy en déshabillé.
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When he's embodying his most Captain-like persona -- 'sea-faring butch,' if you will -- his neck is fully covered up with cravat, stock, jabot, whatever. Shirt points are often (always?) absent.
Figure 2. Intensely wealthy and impeccably dressed weirdo.
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His neck is covered up similarly (no shirt points) when he goes back to Bridgetown in 1x10, though his cravat is tucked sensibly away beneath his waistcoat. He also had no visible shirt points before married life, though he hid bright colors and lacy cravats under drab jackets.
Figure 3. Man on brink of divorce realizing that perhaps giving up his shirt points was Not Enough.
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Figure 4. Man about to make terrible life choice wonders if maybe adding more colored cravats to his wardrobe will feel sufficiently adventurous for the next sixty-odd years.
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When he's actually in the middle of married life, though? Stede's collars are fucking weird. They're folded down and away, looking very much like either Peter-Pan collars or, frankly, the fashionable look for 19th century boys who hadn't yet hit puberty. On top of that, his jackets also have teeny tiny lapels, which end up doubling the effect of making Stede look a bit turtled into his own shoulders -- smaller and, ahem, spineless.
Figure 5. Authorities unsure whether local deadbeat dad was coerced into flight by own yellow cravat knotted too tightly under man's stupid collar.
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Figures 6 and 7. Married men: Are they obligated to wear weirdly matching or contrasting cravats tied under tiny squished-down collars, or is it just This Fucking Guy.
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And then, for people who are much cleverer than me, there are...
..the Outliers.
These are the fuckers that, imo, are the most indicative of whatever the hell self-transformation Stede is going through. But fucked if I know exactly what they're saying.
Figure 8. Recently resurrected idiots of the Caribbean wonder: how many collars can they leave open? And does wearing the solitaire anyway keep it Respectable?
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Figure 9. Clueless moonlit asshole unaware that his "marriage" collar, silk cravat/shirt, not-black-but-very-dark solitaire and wtf poorly fitted double-breasted waistcoat are somehow the goddamn height of queer seduction.
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Figure 10. Man attempting to regain his feeling of ease on the sea by wearing nightwear that is not buttoned up to his chin is shocked to discover that life remains stressful.
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Figure 11. Newly poor but happily divorced man still somehow finds new fashion statement before seeking lost love: cotton weave gathered at the shoulder seams, wide but folded down collar, romantic lace-up that not only fastens nowhere near his chin but can also be loosened for peak nipple play, should any nearby dread pirates feel the urge.
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demigodpjbth · 1 month
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So…reading the odyssey. There is A LOT of values dissonance in this book.
1. Telemachus expected to send his mother back to her father now that her husband is dead.
2. Men sleeping with other women isn’t considered cheating because he didn’t love them (double standard there).
3. Odysseus casually mentions sacking a city after leaving Troy. “We killed the men and split up the women amongst us before taking all of their stuff.”
4. Gets to the island of the Cyclopes, goes inside the cave while Polyphemus is out. Odysseus already warned his crew that Cyclopes are lawless creatures, knows a Cyclopes lives in the cave, the crew offers to steal his cheeses, Odysseus says he wants to wait for the homeowner to return to follow rules of hospitality so he can get a better gift. (Seems kind of stupid to me. You expect these lawless beings to follow the rules of hospitality? I feel like you’re not really guests if you’re intruders…”We entered your house without your knowledge, give us stuff”).
5. Circe gets threatened with a knife by someone who is immune to her magic. “Sleep with me!” (This must be my Asexual self but this doesn’t track in my head). What’s weirder is that Hermes tells him that she will do this to subdue him or control him, but sleep with her anyway??? (This scene was so confusing to me. How do you go Fight—> sex —-> save your men? Was it like bribery? Why would she even want to?)
6. This story has a thing with names, epithets, and lineages. Whenever anyone is addressed they say their father’s name, country, mannerisms, and accomplishments. Whenever someone wants to know who they are, they ask for name, parents, country. How does Odysseus introduce himself, “Odysseus, king of Ithaca, son of Laertes, cleverest of men, lion-hearted God-favoured.” Wow….
7. Odysseus feels it’s necessary to kill all the suitors for eating all the palace food and sleeping with the maids (not trying to marry his wife or kill his son, but wtv), but then it’s necessary to kill all the servants that slept with them or attended them? Penelope didn’t tell them not to (“guest rights” which is weird since they are bad guests so they shouldn’t apply anyway), and I’m pretty sure the servants had no say in the matter since most of them were slaves and under threat of violence by the guests.
I just think that for someone who claims to be a clever schemer, the logic in this story doesn’t seem to track unless you lived in the time period. (Interestingly, Romans and classical writers didn’t really like Odysseus. Not for being violent or bloodthirsty, but for being cowardly and a liar, using mind games instead of brute force and telling lies instead of being honest.)
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vmdwriter · 11 months
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The First of Heart!
The best friend forever, and member of the one-brain trio. It is Ace Trappola!  
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Men, you guys do get along at first. Like when he first saw you, he immediately bullied you and then picked a fight with you. Like it was on-site for him. But worry not with everything you guys have gone through (let's see here: death, overblot, oh yes, food poison, did I mention death?) with Deuce and Grim. It is safe to say you are the DAYG (Ace's idea). He has your back, just as you have his. This was a mistake, and you won't ever see peace again. 
Like Grim, he will steal your food. So, keep an eye out for your food, and if it is cherry pie, then say bye-bye! 
Also, He's the kind of guy who never has the patience to let his food cool down. Without fail, he scalds his tongue at least once every single day. It's a habit he just can't seem to break, and it's cost him the pleasure of savoring the flavors of his meals. Instead, he treats this quirk as a tool for making bets with his friends.  
He smells like strong Axel body spray like he will wear 2-3 layers of it. He also does not take a shower after a basketball game; he just sprays on Axe's body and calls it a day. 
He is a walking arrogance and faux confidence, but under all of that is a layer of awkwardness, fear, and panic. 
Will hype you up, like if you said you were prettier than Vil. Yes, yes you are.  
Have broke in through the ramshackle window when you were late to open the front door. Have once was put in a washing machine while it was on (worry not, he only broke his arm). Have chokes on a cherry when he tries to show off how hot he is. Have his name put as a verb in a dictionary for 3 years. Have duck Riddle in the face when he called you stupid and will do it again. Have a broken sense of humor and laugh when you trip on air. I think that is enough have.  
He will do any dare. He does not have forethought. He is head empty 24/7. which is funny because he is a quick thinker who knows when to put his lie to good use. 
He always drags you, grim and deuce, into trouble. So you threatened him by saying you were going to put a backpack leash on him, deuce, and grim  
Please take note for him in class; while he is clever and magically adept (and he knows of it), he umm does not really do well in school compared to like Riddle or you. 
Can not grow a beard for his life. The best he can do is an ugly ass mustache. He will wear that like it makes him the hottest thing ever.  
Ace is a little bitch but will 100% run to your dorm to make sure you are still there if like 5 students are missing. 
Like the rest of NRS (unless it's Kalim or Ortho), he will act like he does not care for you. Like he will hit you in the back of the head, panic over you, and then act like he does not care.   
Have learned that there's always an illegal solution to your problem when he was signing Azul's contract, but he will later be saying “a solution, but at what cost” when he has to work at the lounge.  
Men, he pins after you so hard. Like he is such a fool for your love. He enjoys flirting with you, but the moment you flirt back with him, he is falling to the floor and becomes goopy. Well, do the DO YOU LIKE ME? YES/NO with a winking face. It is stupid and childish, but it is also endearing.  
He is really good at wind magic. Like really good. So, if you need wind, hit him up. Please let him show off his magic to you.  
Remember to get a sofa that can turn into a bed or clean out another bedroom. The amount of time Ace stays over (and drags the other first year) is a lot.  
The only thing he's good at is card games, e.g., Enigmics, etc. He is not good with a glue gun. Do not give him a glue gun. I repeat, do not give him a glue gun. This is for your own good unless you want to go and explain to the nurse how he glued his hand and hair to a wooden board. 
Also, please do not confuse him with Riddle, or worse, his brother! He will cry and talk to you for weeks. If this happens, just make him a cherry pie and give him a big kiss. He will be good at new after all that. 
He likes how your name sounds. Yuu. It sounds so pretty. He also writes your name over and over with different last names (because you never seem to have one or mention one) Yuu Rosewood, Yuu Reynolds, Yuu Sullivan, or Yuu Trappola... Oh, your name is pretty. 
Will go and complain to you if he gets collared and make (beg) you to get him out of it.  
Will help you carry something even if he complains about it along the way, but he will still help you carry the heavy thing because he cares. <3  
Would call you if he got into jail, but he feels safe in jail. So, he will call Riddle. Which is stupid, but at least it's not you, and is funny because they keep making you snap in anger. 
Have once said that the law is gay...  
asks to copy your homework and not change anything. 
Will call you out for favoritism but will not let others call him out when favoritism happens to him.  
If he said, “Hey, we are friends, right?". Close the door on his face, and leave him in the rain. You would go to jail if you did the thing, he wants you to do.  
People either mistake you guys as "lovers who act like best friends" or “Is he bordering you?" "Nope, I signed up for this." would be the most common thing out of your mouth. 
will help you get used to twisted wonderland. To love the world as it is your own but keep your old world in his heart. Even if he wishes you had forgotten your old world. 
He will say something along the lines of, "You can live with my family if you want if you do not have a place to go." So would you stay the night with him?  
Have I ever conveyed the depths of Ace's love for you? It's as if you are his guiding star, outshining even the most enchanting roses that grace his homeland, the Queendom of Roses. You hold every fragment of his heart. So, why did you choose to depart? Why couldn't you have stayed? Yes, he may eventually move forward and find someone new, but they will never truly be you. You are the one who resides in his heart, mending the voids with the sweetness of your laughter and the radiance of your smile. It's profoundly heartbreaking how profoundly he loves you, while you may not reciprocate the same affection. Life can be astonishingly cruel in matters of love. 
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animebw · 11 months
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The Graveyard of Dropped Shows
So the thought occurs to me that I’ve dropped quite a few anime this season. Turns out, when you don’t pressure yourself to keep up with every show you start out of an obsessive need for cataloguing, it’s a lot easier to say goodbye to shows you don’t like. Who’d have thought? And at this point, I’m far enough into the shows I’m still watching that I’m mostly confident sticking with them to the end. Unless things really take a turn for the worse, but hey, we’ll burn that bridge when we cross to it. For now, I thought I’d just give a quick rundown of all the spring 2023 anime I started watching but gave up on for whatever reason. Cool? Cool. Welcome to the first installment of my graveyard of dropped shows!
Hell’s Paradise: Dropped at 4 episodes
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This is probably the most unfair drop on my list. Hell’s Paradise is fine, I guess; as much as I hate the overly bloomed-out lighting Mappa decided to go with, the action’s pretty fun and I’m a sucker for a good Garden of Nightmares setting. It’s a perfectly adequate Shonen Thing that’ll scratch a lot of people’s itches. But man, the older I get, the less patience I have for what I’ve come to call Shonen Gender Bullshit, or SGB for short. And sweet buttery crumpets, this show is full of it. It takes all of one episode for Sagiri to transform from a competent executioner deuteragonist to an inexperienced damsel who exists mainly to be outclassed and taught lessons by the men around her while she stares on in reactive awe. The only other female characters besides her are either evil seductresses who flaunt their bodies for the audience at the first possible opportunity or saintly, far-off idealized wives who exist as goals for Gabimaru to strive for. And in a post-Jujutsu Kaisen world, there is no more excuse for your ridiculous shonen beat-em-up to not treat its ladies with respect.
Konosuba Megumin: Dropped at 2 episodes
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Was there a time when I actually liked Konosuba? I’m sure there was, but every new installment in this series just makes it harder and harder to remember why any of us thought this show was anything more than passably amusing at best. And this is a spinoff centered on its best character! If anyone from this cast of losers and misfits had the strength to carry a side story of their own, it was the crimson witch Megumin herself. But absent the incredibly expressive, body-contorting animation that made Konosuba’s comedy work as well as it did, all you’re left with is a boring supporting cast, stupid fanservice, and jokes about guys being creepy perverts who want to molest women. Riveting.
Magical Destroyers: Dropped at 3 episodes
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It’s almost impressive how lame Magical Destroyers manages to be. It’s got some of the most unhinged, creative animation this side of mid-2000s Gainax, all the angular momentum and unhinged editing of a lost Hiroyuki Imaishi show. You can tell the series creator started as a graphic designer, because he sure designed the fuck out of these graphics. Unfortunately, you can also tell he’s a graphic designer from the script. Because all that insanely creative animation is paired with some of the dullest, stuffiest, most conservative writing imaginable. If you were hoping for some clever subversion of the “otaku are the most oppressed minority” setup, prepare to be disappointed. This is just brainless wish fulfillment for insecure manchildren who want to feel like badass revolutionaries surrounded by super-sexy, super-powerful warrior women who nevertheless happily submit to some hapless dudebro’s orders. Every single artist involved in this slog deserved to put their talents to better use.
The Marginal Service: Dropped at 1 episode
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How do you take a premise like “sexy firefighter super sentai heroes fighting aliens” and make it boring? Well, by slathering it in five layers of faux tryhard grit and grime, making every character the dullest possible archetype version of themself, and drowing the whole affair in a level of xenophobia so uncomfortable I barely made it through a single episode. Cygames just knocked it out of the park with Akiba Maid War, how did they go from that masterpiece to this?
Mashle: Dropped at 2 episodes
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This show feels like someone watched One Punch Man and Mob Psycho 100 and thought “Wow, I should make a show like that!” without fully understanding what makes them so great. Everything is such a surface-level approximation of ONE’s writing talents, from the tired “Wow, this guy is so overpowered!” gags to the reheated “Despite my powers, I just want to live a normal life” motivation. Not to mention its own struggles with the dreaded Shonen Gender Bullshit. But what really killed Mashle for me is very simple: it’s primarily comedy, and it doesn’t make me laugh. Or at least, it doesn’t make me laugh consistently enough to justify sitting through the lackluster animation and cardboard characters. I’ll just watch Mob Psycho again, thank you very much.
My Clueless First Friend: Dropped at 1 episode
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Okay, I lied: this is the most unfair drop on my list. As a simple story about a clueless elementary school boy unknowingly helping his classmate deal with bullies, there’s really nothing wrong here. But we have no absence of fantastic rom-coms to keep up busy these days. Just this season alone, My Love Story with Yamada-kun, The Dangers in my Heart, and especially Skip and Loafer have more than enough charm and wholesomeness to fill those needs. And unless you’re really fond of shrill vocal performances (seriously, whoever’s voicing the male lead makes him so irritating to listen to), there’s nothing here you can’t get much better in countless other places. Just Fine, sadly, no longer cuts it in the competitive world of anime rom-coms.
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abitohoney · 11 months
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What would you do if you met Sevika in person?
LMAO. Nonny, this is such a loaded question! If I managed to avoid spontaneous combustion upon first laying eyes on the goddess, I'm sure I'd inadvertently manage to either be ignored entirely because of my shyness, or draw enough attention to myself through my awkwardness and lack of social skills to scare her away.
Some ramblings below the cut cause who tf wants to read this? (besides you nonny, and thank you! <3)
I'd probably try, but fall, to watch her for a while without being caught. If I did get caught, my cheeks would light up cherry red and I'd start sweating. I can just imagine her heated gaze on me, wondering why the fuck this adult woman is acting so damn weird. Or, IDK, maybe I'd be super lucky and she'd find it charming or cute. (Probably not 😭)
I'd like to think that given my age and experience with interacting with my adult coworkers (although they are 99% men and not at all attractive or intimidating like Sevika), I could actually gain the courage to approach her if she's alone. Assuming she's got that awesome prosthetic, I'd likely attempt to open a conversation up with something stupid like, "Hi. I like your arm." Then I'd proceed to just stand awkwardly next to her in silence while waiting for her to say something. And she probably wouldn't say anything, thus leaving me to believe she hates me, I'm stupid and annoying, and my mind would start racing about how to get out of the situation I just put myself in and calculate how long of a fall it is if I drove off the nearest cliff and if anyone has ever died from severe embarrassment or anxiety.
And THEN, with a stroke of genius and perfect social skill, I'd break the silence with something really clever (this is heavy sarcasm) like, "I'm an engineer." Like that statement by itself means something. (In my head I've played through explaining what I like about her arm, how I'd love to see it's inner workings, and how I'm fascinated with all forms of engineering, but my mouth only speaks the very end of the thought process.)
So having just dug myself a deeper hole of embarrassment and humiliation, I would laugh awkwardly and my face would be on the verge of bursting into flames which she would have to notice.
If, IF by some crazy chance she was able to ignore my inability to start a normal conversation, or actually thought it was endearing, and therefore gave me a positive or, hell, even a neutral response, I would proceed to relax considerably and start rambling about her arm and then tangent from one subject to the next to the next until either she told me to shut up or I realized (far too late) that I was rambling and not even giving her a chance to say anything.
She would probably hate me. 💔
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haraxvati · 1 year
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the glory
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(You know, as opposed to KES's last four shows which could all just have been titled THE POWER. Sorry Graham Greene ilu.)
What can I say about The Glory: Season 1 without boring anyone, including myself? Let me recap what I found to be the show’s most interesting verbal exchange. Bully #3, professional cabin crew, is talking to Bully #4, a rich sleazebag, about the rich husband of Bully #1. What’s that guy like, #4 asks. He’s nice, #3 says. And he’s a son of a bitch. What does that mean, asks #4. #3 says: you always meet men like him in first class — they assume we’re no better than maids, and can’t speak English. Oh, says #4, so he’s like me. No, says #3. You’re obviously an asshole. But with him, you have to look harder to spot it.
It isn’t even like he’s trying to be a son of a bitch, she says. It’s just that he’s always known how to order people around.
I don’t want to say that only Kim Eun-sook can write like this. Many drama writers can. But the majority of them can’t. My favourites can’t (or won’t). Whenever I come across something clever in a KES drama I am struck by how deeply she enjoys irony and the power of the ironic flourish — so much that her shows themselves are gigantic ironies. This is the show I could give you, she says, posing something — a character, a setting, a passage of dialogue — that works on a completely different level from the rest of it. (In TK:EM, for example, this is Kang Sin-jae.) To me, she is one of drama’s great assessors of class, able to convey how different the world of the wealthy is from ours in a way few other writers care to do.
That’s the biggest irony of all: that she knows exactly what the rich in her stories are like. But she likes them for it. And she expects us to love them for it.
The Glory is, on the surface of things, a reversal of that. It’s about what it’s really like to be a poor girl who attracts the attention of the rich at school — a gotcha for everyone who enjoyed Heirs, if you like. The girl is bullied and assaulted so violently that a less carefully directed show would tip over into gratuitousness (I’m not fully sure this one escapes). It’s about the ugly rich. The only thing that’s changed is our media diet. Our post-Parasite, Reborn-Rich White-Lotus-Succession-Glass-Onion world (I only know what some of those words mean I’m sorry) in which we say we’re eating the rich when what we mean is that we’re consuming them. On streaming services, we binge the rich. And KES is utterly, totally, completely here for that.
There are material differences between the rich of The Glory and the rich of KES’s past work, sure. But fundamentally they’re the same types. In the old stories we were supposed to like them because they were the heroes. In this one we’re supposed to dislike them because they’re the villains. I haven’t been able to see more than 20 minutes of Heirs in toto but if someone can draw a meaningful distinction between the personalities (not the actions) of the people on that show versus the bullies in this one, be my guest. I don’t find this particularly compelling. The rich on Reborn Rich, templated though they may be, are at least twisting and changing shape as they aim to outwit one another. The bullies on The Glory are automatons: they’re just unchangingly mean, stupid, snobbish and sly. They’re written for audiences who are automatons, too. Put a coin in us and we’ll hate them.
Having said that, I don’t think this is fully in line with her other work. For one, the bizarre TVN-ification of her 2010s dramas magnified her worst habits. Jung Ji-hyun had no idea how to create scenes from the sketches in Mr Sunshine and Lee Eung-bok was, I think, equally responsible for the shocking laziness of TK:EM. But the combination of Netflix editing and the spare steel-tinged discipline of Ahn Gil-ho have combined to make this her most coherent show that I’ve seen. (The blue concrete stretches of the opening sequences made me long so much for the world of Stranger S1 –– who does twilit suburban isolation like Ahn PD?) Where he can cut away from beautiful faces, he does; where he can give us crispness instead of circularity, he does. He indulges us as little as possible. KES always writes her Poor Little Rich Boy heroes like victims, and an entire circus of people, including her audiences, and including GONG FUCKING YOO, have really allowed themselves to embody that (though I admit Lee Byung-hun looked a bit shame-faced, at least). Amazingly, The Glory is a show about an actual, honest-to-god victim presented without the rigmarole.
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Do we need to have a separate conversation about Jung Sung-il? I guess we do. But I’d like to hear what you think. I’ll stop here for now.
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just-call-me-angel · 2 years
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Clever Girl
Chapter 5 - The Power of Killing
Warnings: All chapters after this point will contain spoilers!! graphic depictions of murder, edward is a lil creep who thinks killing is a good form of seduction and i kinda love him bc of that
Author's Note: I apologize that this took so long, I have been sister struggling with this chapter omg I ended up making it more of a filler chapter bc i was struggling so much, I promise the next chapter will be better and will contain smut lol. No riddle this time because my brain hates me :( riddles will continue in the next chapter <3 Good job to everyone who got the last riddle correct btw!! The answer was Power! Ily guys so much and I appreciate the continued support
Summary: It’s a bit of a shock when you hear about the Mayor’s death the day after Halloween, but you couldn’t exactly say you were all that torn up about it. Men like him spent most of their lives getting rich off of killing people like you– it was really only fair if they shared the same fate–hell they probably deserved worse.And worse was exactly what Mayor Mitchell got.
Chapters: || 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 ||
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Living in Gotham had always been interesting. Though the longer you live in a city like Gotham, the more interesting became plain fucking annoying. And you’d lived in Gotham all your life so you’d pretty much seen all there was to see.
That was until you started talking with Edward Nashton. He made everything interesting. You’d never met someone quite like Edward. You hadn’t yet decided if that was a good thing or not.  
But you liked the addition of Edward being in your life. Knowing you got to see him when you got into work gave you something to look forward to. You’d spent most of your living day today out of pure spite but now you had Edward and his riddles to get you out of bed. 
It’d be even better if he got you into bed though.
You’d only been talking to the guy for a few weeks and already you wanted him bad. Real bad. 
You wanted to believe that he wanted you just as badly. But Edward wasn’t always easy to read. Despite his awkward fumbling, Edward was meticulously careful about what he let you learn about him. 
Sometimes you’d catch a glimpse behind his carefully constructed mask. 
He’d get frustrated if you didn’t understand one of his riddles and you’d watch as his eyes darkened at you. “You’re not stupid. I know you can figure it out.” You’d blink and he’d be back to his usual self, smiling sweetly as he offered to repeat the riddle. 
It probably should have scared you. 
Unfortunately, you’d never been a very good judge of character.
Sometimes you felt scared for him though. He’d been saying odd things and giggling to himself and changing the subject with a riddle if you asked him any questions.
He’d disappear for a few days without warning and then come into the diner like he hadn’t been driving you up the wall with worry. Eventually, you gave him your phone number. He’d been so confused when you passed him a little note with your number carefully written beneath your name. 
“You’re giving me your number?”
You laughed, despite being a bit annoyed with him, “Yea, maybe shoot me a text next time you decide to disappear without warning.” 
He looked confused for a moment and then smiled at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “You were worried about me?” 
You snorted, “Of course I was… Besides, how am I supposed to solve your riddles if you aren’t even here to ask me them?” 
You’d never seen Edward get so red in your life.
At first, he used your number sparingly. Still, you took the chance to message him whenever you could, even when you knew you’d be seeing him later. You asked him about his day, told him about the next-door neighbor who always played his music obnoxiously loud, and sent him pictures of the stray cats that lived in the alleyway next door. 
It helped for a while that you could message him when you were taking a different shift or you were taking a day off of work but Edward wasn’t as forthcoming. Most of the time his responses were either one-word responses or his usual cryptic riddles. 
He was awful at updating you if he decided not to come into the diner. And you tried hard not to feel hurt by it– he had no commitment to you after all—but it wasn’t easy.
Gotham wasn’t exactly the kindest place to people like him–you knew that firsthand. 
So it worries you when you don’t see him for a few days and he stops returning your texts. Normally he’d come in late at least and apologize profusely for keeping you waiting. But you were receiving complete radio silence from him now. You were starting to wonder if you’d done something wrong.
But living in Gotham also meant you didn’t always have time to worry about your own bullshit. You had to work, pay your rent, and try to drown out the constant stream of news stories about poor men, women, and children dying in the streets because of rich pricks who wanted to make a quick buck.
It’s a bit of a shock when you hear about the Mayor’s death the day after Halloween, but you couldn’t exactly say you were all that torn up about it.  Men like him spent most of their lives getting rich off of killing people like you– it was really only fair if they shared the same fate–hell they probably deserved worse.
And worse was exactly what Mayor Mitchell got. 
It really should have made you feel at least a little horrified to find out he’d been violently murdered in the safety of his home. But it didn’t. In fact, it thrilled some twisted part of you to know he’d suffered. 
You almost wished you had been there to see it. Of course, you didn’t say that to Darcy or any of your coworkers when it came on the news that night during your shift. 
“Oh that poor family,” Darcy said, shaking her head as she listened to the reporter on TV go over the case. You looked up from where you stood at the counter, trying hard not to roll your eyes when the screen showed Commissioner Pete Savage standing in front of the Mayors home droning on about how terrible it was to have lost a man as incredible as Mitchell. 
Darcy pats your back and shuffles past you, “Alright hun, im gonna head on home, do me a favor and ask Chris to walk you home tonight, I don’t want you walking alone knowing there’s some maniac out there.” 
This time you did react, snorting, “Do I look like a corrupt official to you?” 
Darcy turned back to look at you, brows furrowed, “(Y/N) this isn’t something you should joke about.” 
You lower your head, “Sorry Darce.”
She sighs and shakes her head, “Just promise you’ll ask someone to walk you home–for my sake please” 
You catch her gaze, and any intention to argue with her leaves you instantly when you recognize the exhaustion and worry in her eyes. 
You muster up a smile and nod, “I promise.” It's a lie–just like all the times you’d promised to quit smoking–a lie she readily accepts with a tired smile as she moves towards the door, gathering her purse against her hip as she does.
“Maybe ask that sweet boy you seem so smitten with to walk you home.”
You stumble, just barely catching yourself from falling. You hear her chuckle, and the bell of the door chime, and by the time you look up, she’s already out of your sight leaving you huffing as you stare at the puddle of coffee that you’d spilled onto the floor. 
Of course, she knew teasing you about Edward would get you all flustered. You couldn’t hide anything from Darcy, no matter how hard you tried. 
You sigh looking around, thanking your lucky stars that there aren’t many customers left in the diner this late at night. You grab the closest towel and set the half-empty coffee pot aside on the counter as you slowly sink to your knees to clean up the mess.
The bell chimes and you almost expect to hear Darcy’s honey-sweet drawl. Instead, you hear the quiet tap of shoes on the tiled floor and the rustle of paper against the counter. A customer—Great.
You don’t look up as you continue cleaning up the spill, “I’ll be with you in a moment.” you call behind you, receiving no response except silence at first.
You grab another dish towel, bending forward a bit more to mop up the last of the spill. You can feel someone watching you and ---fuck you really should have worn a longer skirt to work. 
“People make me, save me, change me, raise me. What am I?” 
Shit—
You yelp, scrambling to stand up, face bright red as you look up at Edward. He tilts his head at you, giving you a teasing smile. You huff at him, crossing your arms, “Edward!-- give a girl a warning before you sneak up on her.” 
He laughs a bit, “Sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you.” 
Fucking liar.
You can feel his eyes dragging down your body, catching on your exposed thighs beneath your slightly bunched-up skirt. It’s stupid but you let your hands fall to your skirt, fingers toying with the hem of it for a moment, and—fuck—the way Edward’s breath catches in his throat has you feeling a little dizzy. His cheeks go pink when you finally brush your hands over your skirt to flatten it back over your thighs.
You stare at him for a moment just taking in the sight of him. He looks nervously up at you, cheeks flushed as he gives you a small smile. You fight the urge to smile back at him, reminding yourself that you hadn’t seen him in a few days and he’d been avoiding answering your texts. 
You cross your arms, “Where have you been anyway?”
 His smile falls and he bows his head sheepishly. After a minute he takes a breath and looks up at you again, smiling, “People make me, save me, change me, raise me. What am I?”
You raise a brow at him, placing a curled fist over your hip, “Edward come on you had me worried–”
Edward shakes his head, clicking his tongue, “Answer the riddle and I’ll explain” You pout at him but don’t argue, rolling your eyes a bit at Edward’s cryptic nature. God, you really wish it was easier to stay annoyed with Edward. 
With a sigh, you grab a clean mug and set it down in front of him, carefully pouring coffee into the mug, “You want a slice of pie again? We still have some of your favorite left from the morning crowd.”
He nods, quietly thanking you and you shuffle off to the kitchen. Chris is sitting on an upside-down crate screwing around on his phone and nearly jumps out of his skin when you tap his shoulder.
“Fucking hell– (Y/N) I thought you were Darcy coming to kick my ass.” He pouts when you laugh at him, patting his arm and shaking your head at him. 
“Chill out, Darce went home a little bit ago, I just came to get a slice of pie for Edward” 
He nods, passing you a clean plate to put the pie on, “Edward? You mean that freaky guy who's always doing puzzles and shit?”
“Edward’s not a freak, don’t be an asshole Christopher.” You hiss, cutting a slightly larger slice of pie and placing it on the plate for Edward. 
Chris laughs, leaning back against the counter, “I didn’t realize you two were on a first-name basis with the guy” He pauses to open the fridge, allowing you to grab the whipped cream, “Ya know if you keep spoiling the guy with extra pie and shit you’re gonna give him the wrong idea.” 
You shrug, trying to hide the blush rising to your cheeks, “Shut up or I’ll tell Darcy you’ve been joining me on smoke breaks again.” 
He snorts, raising his hands in mock surrender, “Jeez no need for the threats (Y/N)” he pauses for a moment and then his eyes go wide as if he’s realized something important, “Holy shit–you like him don’t you?”
You nearly drop the plate, turning around to look at him, “What–no–”
He shakes his head, laughing, “No no– don’t deny it now (Y/N), you like him– I never pegged you for the girl to go for guys like him.” 
You pout, crossing your arms, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 
He raises a brow at you and snorts, “Come on– you are way out of that guys league–and besides he’s kind of creepy– the guy is always staring at you.” You glare at him, grabbing the plate and shoving past him. 
He stumbles a bit and sighs, “Wait come on– (Y/N) I’m sorry–I didn’t mean it” you pause at the door to look at him, “I’m just being an ass. I’m sure Ed’s a cool guy–” 
“Edward” you correct with a stern look.
“Right–” he pauses, rubbing the back of his neck, “Just be careful, there’s a lot of creeps in Gotham ya know?” 
You sigh and manage a smile, “I appreciate your concern Chris–really I do—I’ve lived in Gotham long enough that I think I can handle myself, okay?” 
He nods, “I know you can” he pauses and offers you a sheepish smile, “We cool?” 
You take a minute, resting the plate against your hip and pressing your index finger to your chin as if deep in thought for a moment before grinning at him, “We’re cool–just quit being such an asshole all the time, yea?”
He gives you a cheeky grin, “ You’ve got yourself a deal if you let me bum a cigarette off of you.” 
You snort, “I thought you told Darcy you quit.” 
“And you tell her you’re gonna quit every other week and yet here we are.” he retorts.
You shrug, setting the plate down on the counter for a moment while you dig into the front pocket of your apron, “Fair point.” you chuckle as you pull out the half-empty pack, slipping two cigarettes out and passing them both to him. 
He gasps with a mocking shocked expression, “Two whole cigarettes? Must be my lucky day” You roll your eyes shoving the pack back into your pocket and picking the plate back up, turning to push the door to the dining area open again. 
Edward barely acknowledges you when you set the plate down in front of him, too distracted by his daily crosswords. You smile fondly, watching as he carefully pencils the answer into a row of boxes with a pleased little giggle. 
After a moment, he glances at the pie, brows furrowing a bit as he looks up at you, “This slice is bigger than normal.” 
Of course, he would notice something like that.
You shuffle nervously in front of him, “Oh? I uh–I didn’t even notice.” 
Nice, that’ll definetly convince him.
He stares at you curiously, and you suddenly feel far more exposed than you had earlier with your skirt bunched up. His lip twitches and he smiles at you, giggling a bit as he drags the plate closer to him “Pumpkin pie is my favorite, you know.” 
You nod, fidgeting with the end of your apron, giving him a nervous smile, “Really? It's my favorite too.” 
He looks up at you again just as he’s swallowing the first bite of pie and offers you a quiet hum of approval before replying, “Do you remember the riddle I gave you before?” you shake your head and he smiles, pushing his glasses up his nose, taking a deep breath before he repeats the riddle for you, “People make me, save me, change me, raise me. What am I?”  
You sigh leaning over the counter a bit, unbothered by the way Edward’s eyes catch for a moment on your slightly exposed cleavage–you’d caught him staring more than a few times since meeting him and you’d be lying if you didn’t encourage it a bit by leaving a few extra buttons open on your shirt. 
People make me, save me, change me, raise me. What am I?
You thought on the riddle for a bit, glad to have Edward sitting in front of you again after days of worrying over him. You really hoped he had a good explanation for his disappearance–though you doubted you’d be able to stay annoyed with him even if he didn’t—still you’d probably remind him that he had a phone for a reason. 
You took care of a few customers as you pondered over the riddler. It can’t be children, that’d be too easy, you thought as you poured a fresh cup of coffee for a young man working on his laptop in one of the corner booths. The answer finally came to you as you were gathering the measly little tip one of your regulars had left you at their table. People make it, save it, change it and raise it. The answer was money.
You stuff the crumpled-up cash and loose change into your apron, gathering the dishes off of the table as you shuffle back towards the counter. You smile at Edward as you pass, stepping into the kitchen quickly to place the dishes in the sink. You roll your eyes when you notice the backdoor is cracked open and you can see a little cloud of smoke meaning Chris is probably taking a quick smoke break. 
You can almost hear Darcy scolding you in your head as you walk back out into the dining area. You stand in front of Edward, tapping the counter to get his attention as you lean towards him a bit, “The answer is money.” 
His face spreads into a smile as soon as he hears your answer and he claps his hands excitedly, “Correct! You’re getting better at these, Clever girl.” 
Christ the things you’d do to hear him praise you like that all the time. 
You giggle, combing a hand through your hair as you beam at him, “You think?” 
He nods, “Of course I do.” he pauses, just staring at you and you feel your cheeks going bright red, “Would you like another riddle?” 
You have to fight the urge to say yes when you remember that he had promised to tell you where he’d been if you solved the riddle. You shake your head pouting a little,  “Not yet, first you have to answer my question, remember—”
“Hey, sweetheart!” an older man calls interrupting you before you can get an answer from Edward. You look up at the man at the other end of the counter, sighing when you recognize him as a regular—one who you had reminded on multiple occasions not to call you sweetheart. 
“I’ll be with you in a moment Mr. Seavers,” you say, forcing a polite smile as you look over at the balding man and then back at Edward.
Edward isn’t looking at you when you turn back to him. He’s staring directly at the other man, jaw tensing until he looks back at you with a strained smile. 
You muster up a nervous laugh, “Sorry about that–”
“Sweetheart come on I ain’t getting any younger over here.” 
You sigh, glancing at the man again, polite smile no longer gracing your lips, “Please Mr. Seavers I’ll be with you in one moment–”
“I’ve told you to call me Jimmy, sweetheart.” 
Edward tenses again in front of you, and you squirm a bit watching his eyes darken as he stares at the man. Christ, it should not be turning you on to see him look like he’s two seconds away from lunging at the man. 
You brush your hands over your apron, smiling at Edward and offering him a brief apology before shuffling over to the man, “Mr. Seav– Jimmy what can I get for you.” 
“I’ll take a refill on my coffee and a slice of pie sweetheart.” 
You bite the inside of your cheek glancing at Edward for a moment and then back at Jimmy as you pour fresh coffee for him, “I already served the last slice of pie.” It's a petty lie but you really don’t give a shit–you just want to finish your shift and talk to Edward—and dealing with Jimmy and his usual bullshit was keeping you from doing that. 
He curses and offers you a smirk, reaching out to touch your hand for a second before you can pull it away, “That’s alright sweetheart, getting to see you is a treat enough for me.” 
You’re stomach turns and you yank your hand back, “I’ve told you before Jimmy, don’t call me that.” 
He chuckles as you walk back to Edward and you resist the urge to rush into the kitchen to scrub your hands clean. Edward glares at Jimmy for a second, fingers curling into white-knuckled fists on the counter. You reach across the counter and place a hand gently over his, smiling at him when he finally looks up at you. 
“So–What have you been up to?” you ask, tracing a circle over the back of his hand until he stops clenching his fists. His eyes shift back and forth for a moment between you and Jimmy before he finally sighs, and fixes his glasses as they slip down his nose.
“There was a work emergency that required me to work extra hours. I apologize if I worried you at all.” 
You recognize a well-practiced lie before he even finishes the sentence. It annoys you a bit but in your experience, things like this were usually best left alone. Besides, he seemed genuinely sorry that he’d worried you. And it wasn’t as if you’d never lied to him before so really you had no room to judge him. 
You shrug “It's alright, just text me next time” you squeeze his hand with a teasing smile, “That’s why I gave you my number remember.” 
His face flushes and he laughs nervously,” Yea—I’m sorry about that too—I’m not—uh—not used to having someone worry about where I am I guess.”
Oh. Well, now you definetly couldn’t be annoyed with him.
You squeeze his hand again, “Well now you have me,” 
He smiles, avoiding your eyes as he turns his hand over to hold yours for a moment, “And–and you have me.”
You don’t tell him how much you’d be willing to do for him—and neither does he. 
You nod, a little distracted by the way his hand feels in yours, long fingers tangling with yours. He has the hands of a pianist, with long fingers and pale knuckles. There are scars on his hands, mostly along with his fingertips and the backs of his hands and knuckles. You don’t need to ask where they came from—you’d lived in Gotham long enough to know what kind of scars came from living on the streets—Lord knows you had your fair share of them. 
You brush your thumb over his knuckle, he tenses a bit like he’s worried you’re going to ask him about the scars and you smile, “Do you have any more riddles for me?” 
—- Edward’s POV —
Edward hated avoiding you. But balancing his life with you in it was becoming increasingly difficult. You were a distraction— and as much Edward wanted to welcome that distraction he also knew he had a job to do. It was better to avoid you for periods of time. It kept you both safer– at least until he was sure he could bring you into his life completely. 
It helped that he had the cameras in your apartment to watch you at least. He hated seeing you look so sad whenever you tried to message him and he left you on read. But he told himself he’d make it up to you in the end. 
He just needed to finish the first part of his plan and then he could watch Gotham tremble in fear for a while and allow you to distract him again. Hopefully by the time he needed to complete the next step he’d be able to show you his true face. Then he wouldn’t have to hide from you. 
Besides the thought of seeing you again was a decent motivator for getting rid of the Mayor as soon as possible—if he was lucky he’d soon have you and the Batman on his side and then he’d be unstoppable. 
It took everything in him not to message you as soon as he finished setting the scene in the Mayor’s study after killing him. He wanted to show you his work—he wanted you to admire it —he wanted you to tell him clever he was for putting this all together. 
He went home that night and barely made it through the front door before dragging his pants down to his knees and stumbling to his desk to watch you on the monitors. He didn’t know if it was the adrenaline from having just killed a man or the thrill of imagining how you would react when he finally showed you his true face, that had him half-feral as he came into his hand—it was probably both. 
He hardly slept that night knowing he’d get to see you again. He’d have to ask you what you thought about the Mayor’s death—he needed to know that you understood how much men like Mitchell deserved to suffer—he’d make you understand if he had to. 
The next day when he walks into the diner and he doesn’t see you he worries that you might have called in and decided not to tell him. He’s pleasantly surprised when he finds you behind the counter, bent over cleaning up a coffee spill— especially when he’s got a nice view of your baby blue panties. 
Silly girl, you really should be more careful what if someone saw you like this and decided to take advantage. 
He snaps a few pictures when he’s sure no one is looking at him—he doesn’t even worry about the four cameras arranged around the diner, you’d already told him that the one pointed at the door was the only one that actually worked. He very nearly had to rush off to the bathroom again when you finally stood and gave him a bit of a show as you fidgeted with your skirt.
He feels guilty when you admit to being worried for him and has to remind himself several times that there’s a reason he can’t tell you the truth yet. He’d never been the patient type. He’s glad at least that you don’t pry, accepting his excuse even though he’s positive you know he’s lying. 
It’s incredibly easy to slip back into his usual routine with you, teasing back and forth and chattering over pie and coffee. It reminds him why he needs to be patient. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like other customers have gotten the memo that it’s Edward’s time to have your attention.
“Hey sweetheart, turn up the tv would ya!” 
Edward has no idea how you manage it but you take the man’s insistent prattling in stride, showing hardly any signs that it bothers you. He notices the slight twitch of your jaw tensing and your hands curling into fists at your side but he doubts that anyone else notices it. It makes his blood boil to think you have to deal with people like this every day and he wants desperately to take you away from it all. 
Soon—I’ll take you away soon.
It doesn’t help that Jimmy’s flirtatious comments give way to jealousy that rages in his belly. It’s stupid—he had no reason to be jealous of the man—it was pretty clear you didn’t like him. Still, it makes his stomach twist in anger watching the man interact as he owns you—like he deserves to even breathe the same air as you. 
It makes him want to put the mask on again and teach the man a lesson—now there’s an idea. 
He wonders if you want to watch the man bleed out as much as he does— he imagines you want it more than he does—he wants to give you that—he wants to set you free in the way he had been set free.
He wants to show you the power that came from ending someone's life.
“Come on sweetheart hurry it up–”
You offer the man a polite smile, picking up the remote and quickly turning up the volume a few clicks until Jimmy gives you a wolfish grin and a wink, turning to watch the tv. You cringe, shivering as you turn back to Edward, smile a little tense, “Sorry–would you mind repeating the riddle?”
It takes him a minute to reply, too lost in his thoughts, deciding he’d pay Jimmy a visit later in the night so you’d never have to deal with him again. He grins at you after a moment, “ Some try to hide, some try to cheat, but time will show, we always will meet. Try as you might, to guess my name, I promise you'll know when I come to make my claim. Who am I?” 
He likes watching you think about the riddles so hard— he likes that you put effort into trying to please him. Plus it gives him a little time to plot against the man at the other end of the counter who keeps eyeing you up when you aren’t looking. 
You find the answer to the riddle just as Edward is gathering his things to leave, “Death, the answer is Death, right?” you ask eagerly looking at him.
He grins, nodding enthusiastically, “I told you, you’re getting better at this Clever girl” 
You clap your hands, pleased that you’d made him proud and he chuckles placing an extra tip on the counter before you can argue, “I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
You tilt your head at him, hands on your hips, “Promise?” 
He grins, “I promise.” You seem convinced, hands falling back to your sides as you beam at him, watching him gather his things, and tug his jacket over his shoulders. 
Edward is pleased to find that Jimmy stays a little longer than him, giving Edward the perfect opportunity to follow him home. He wishes he had the forethought to grab his mask before leaving home earlier—but a part of him is glad he doesn’t have it—he wants Jimmy to recognize him in his final moments. 
Jimmy is foolish and arrogantly unaware of his surroundings, completely missing the soft tap of Edward’s shoes against the damp pavement as he follows him. It’s not the same as when he follows you home or when he tails one of his targets as the Riddler—but it’s thrilling all the same.
He’d normally hate to do something without weeks of planning–too many things could go wrong—but he couldn’t get himself to step back when it came to someone posing a threat to you. 
It was easy to catch the man off guard and shove him into an alleyway nearly a block and a hlaf away from the diner. The man stumbled, crashing forward into the ground with a grunt. He was a little larger than the Mayor so he worried for a moment he might not be able to overpower him. The man staggered, attempting to look back and Edward shoved his boot into the man’s gut, giggling when the man curled into himself with a choked gasp.
Edward let the man lay there for a moment as he looked around the alley for something to hit him with. He couldn’t help the wicked little grin that formed on his face when his eyes landed on a glass bottle. He swiped it off the ground quickly, twisting it in his hand with a look of glee as the man turned to look at him.
“What the—”
Edward swung the bottle into the side of the man’s face, giggling when the man yelped as the bottle shattered, shards digging into his face—and fuck the sight of the blood beginning to drip down the man’s forehead was enough to send Edward’s heart racing. The man hit the ground again, hands reaching up to cover his face as he began to cry.
How fucking pathetic.
The man began to crawl away, dragging his legs on the ground in a desperate attempt to escape the fate he knew awaited him, “ple–please.”
Edward grinned, letting the man drag himself further into the alleyway. He stalked after him, swiping a loose metal pipe off of the ground as he crushed the man’s left ankle beneath his boot. 
The man yelps, twisting to look up at Edward again, “Please—please just let me go.” 
Edward clicks his tongue, tilting his head down slightly at the man, “This wouldn’t have happened if you would have just left her alone.” 
“Wha–what? What—what are you talking about?” 
Edward doesn’t answer, swinging the pipe hard against the man’s face, giggling when he hears the sickening crack of the man’s jaw dislocating.
The man chokes on a scream, incoherent cries for mercy being drowned out by the blood filling his mouth,”pl-plea--pleas–”
Edward swings again, this time a little harder, relishing in the sound of the man’s face hitting the pavement. The man tries to speak again but no words come out, only choked little cries of pain. 
Edward lets the pipe crash against the man’s head again, and again and again until he stops hearing the man’s pathetic cries for mercy, and even then he keeps bringing the pipe down until the man’s face is barely recognizable. He’s got blood spattered on his hands by the time he lets the pipe clatter to the ground.
He stands there, chest rising and falling with quick heavy breaths as he stares down at the body. He should feel disgusted as he looks upon his work–-but all he feels is a wave of power.
He crouches, digging his hands into the man’s pockets and dragging his wallet out, flipping through it for a moment before pocketing it. He’d already made it nearly impossible to recognize the man, so taking his wallet was only a secondary precaution–though with the murder of the Mayor the GCPD would hardly be worried about some lowlife getting his head bashed in.
He couldn’t deny the benefits of the corruption in Gotham allowing him to slip through the cracks without raising suspicion. 
It takes him a moment to drag the man further into the alleyway, and he sobers for a moment as he shoves the body into a pile of garbage, tossing loose trash bags and cardboard over it. It wouldn’t keep it hidden forever but it’d given him a head start if the cops wound up investigating further-–if he was lucky they’d shock it up to the murder of a homeless man and the investigation would be lost in a sea of unsolved cases. 
He takes his time walking home, giddy and overjoyed with the knowledge that the man would never again bother you— he had protected you—and one day he hoped you would thank him for that. 
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aboutanancientenquiry · 7 months
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Flourishing with Herodotus
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"FLOURISHING WITH HERODOTUS
by royalhistsoc | Jul 13, 2023 | General, Guest Posts, History and Human Flourishing | 0 comments
In this second post of the ‘History and Human Flourishing’ series, Suzanne Marchand explores the contemporary value and relevance of Herodotus in historical teaching and methodology. Though often overlooked in favour of a ‘scientific’ approach advocated by nineteenth-century acolytes of Thucydides, Herodotus and his Histories remain a rich — and much needed — guide to history as the story and study of human behaviours. In this post, Suzanne considers Herodotus’ appeal and lessons for historians today.
This post is the second contribution to the Society’s 3-part ‘History & Human Flourishing’ blog series. The first, by Darrin M. McMahon, explores the often-neglected study of the history of human happiness. 
There is, in my view, too much Thucydides in our histories and perhaps in our hearts today. This is partly the fault of the nineteenth century, when he became exemplary of the ‘right’ kind of historian: cynical, disciplined, grimly determined not to waste time on trifling matters. Power, for him — in a way oddly reminiscent of the also still-pervasive work of Michel Foucault — is what drives history and defines all human interactions, regardless of what anyone might say. So much have we accustomed ourselves to this cynical view that even the cultural historians among us struggle to wrest ourselves from its grip.
This is why it might be healthy to recall that Thucydides devised his historical principles to demonstrate his superiority to an already famous predecessor — one who has always, also, had his advocates, even if his reputation suffered a tremendous blow in the age of Leopold von Ranke. Pace the military strategists and the philosophers of international relations, we historians do not have to be eternal Thucydideans. Indeed, in doing so we might find new means of flourishing by embracing some of the richer and weirder methods of writing — and especially of teaching — history and of conceiving human nature that Thucydides renounced.
Herodotus gave us so much broader a picture of the calculated and crazy things we do, how rulers succeed and screw up, how cruel and clever we can be. 
The spurned predecessor to whom I refer to is, of course, Herodotus, whose Histories relate, in shaggy dog fashion, the cosmopolitan backstory and then the unfolding of the Persian Wars.
It would wrong to insinuate, as Thucydides does in the famous passage at 1.122, that Herodotus wrote merely for entertainment, and did not care about truth, or to assert, as would Plutarch five centuries later, that Herodotus maliciously skewed his story. There are entertaining and improbable stories in The Histories, such as the rescuing of the poet Arion by a sympathetic dolphin, and plausible but probably exaggerated ones, like the water management projects of Assyrian Queen Nitocris (1.185). But even more, there is with Herodotus a rich variety of life, women as well as men (by one count, only six are mentioned in Thucydides, to 370+ in The Histories). To these we may add animals, gods, rivers, kings, and others, motivated not just by self-interest or the yearning for power, but by dreams, vanity,  misunderstanding, passion, stupidity, pride, or simply unknown forces the historian cannot fathom.
In Book 6 (6.129-130), Herodotus tells the story of Hippokleides, set to make an advantageous marriage, who drinks too much at his engagement banquet, resulting in a bout of ribald dancing during which, it is suggested, he reveals his privates. When his prospective father-in-law tells him that he has danced away his good fortune (the original ‘balls up’), the merry-maker’s response — still used as an adage in modern Greek — is ‘Hippokleides doesn’t care!’ Don’t we all recognize a Hippokleides in our lives, perhaps (at least occasionally) in ourselves?
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Image 1: Claude Vignon, “Croesus showing Solon his Treasure” (1630s) Wikimedia commons
Cicero termed Herodotus the ‘father of history,’ but in the same breath bracketed him with Theopompus, known for his long-winded digressions and his innumerabilies fabulae. What Cicero didn’t note was that Herodotus’ approach had a purpose: to convey a great deal of information and insight into human behaviour, at home, and abroad. Over the centuries, thousands of Herodotean fact-checkers have attempted to verify his information, sometimes finding him mistaken, but often recognising ways in which he was interestingly (if not perfectly accurately) right — about the Egyptian labyrinth, for example, or Persian horse lore.
But an even better reason for teaching Herodotus, or better teaching like Herodotus rather than, unrelentingly, like Thucydides, is that Herodotus gave us so much broader a picture of the calculated and crazy things we do; how rulers succeed and screw up, how cruel and clever we can be. Of course, his was also a very Greek way of seeing the world, and Herodotus’ stories about the despots of the East must be read with this in mind. But as he says in the very first line of his history, his intent throughout is to record for posterity the great deeds of the Greeks and the Persians, as well as to explain why they fought. I believe that Herodutus meant it, as he meant to show, too, that Egypt was full of wonderous things; that Scythia was home to brave if barbaric tribes; that some Greeks were cowards and tyrants; and others, at least some of the time, ingenious and courageous.
What if we accepted a bit more of the Herodotean worldview, and his approach to engaging with the past?
Herodotus certainly did care about human happiness. One of his most beloved tales, that of Solon and Croesus (1.29-33), goes right to the heart of the issue. As Herodotus relates, during travels he initiated to avoid having to repeal laws he imposed in Athens, Solon visited the extraordinarily wealthy king of the Medes. During his visit, the proud king shows Solon his riches, whereupon Solon launches into a story, the moral of which is that as fortune is ever changeable, one should not count oneself happy until one rests on one’s deathbed, surrounded by adoring family and friends.
The story acts as a prophecy, as Croesus will soon fall prey to an epic form of pride inciting a fall. Croesus will recall Solon’s admonition as he is about to be burnt on a pyre after the conquest of his kingdom (1.86). This is no mundane proverb, and it teaches an important, perhaps better, lesson than most Disney movies: one can and should try to live a good, honourable life. But one might fail, and not necessarily because of a ‘fatal flaw’ — fortune can simply deal a bad hand. Isn’t this a sensible way for us to conceive of our fellow humans and their flaws?  Sometimes the flaws get you, sometimes you simply have bad luck (which might be structurally conditioned). If the seventeenth century read the story as a warning against enjoying worldly riches (see image 1 above), we might read it as an admonition not to judge people by their fates, and to take seriously the view that there, but for the grace of God, or fortune, go I.
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Image 2: Karl Gottfried von Lück, ‘Tomyris with the Head of Cyrus’, Frankenthal Porcelain Manufactory, c. 1773; Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York. Public domain.
Most especially, I would like to advocate for more Herodotean teaching in the classroom … Environmental history has spurred us to put nature and animals in the picture, as did Herodotus; he would approve of discussing commerce and foodways.
What if we accepted a bit more of the Herodotean worldview, and his approach to engaging with the past? I don’t think scholarly history can do this entirely, but it would be a relief to escape the unrelenting cynicism of the Thucydidean-Foucauldians. But most especially, I would like to advocate for more Herodotean teaching in the classroom. College students have endured all too much ‘high’ political and military history in high school, and find more engaging lectures on ‘everyday life,’ whether in discussions of colonial Salem, or Roman Britain, or Nazi Germany. Environmental history has spurred us to put nature and animals in the picture, as did Herodotus; he would approve of discussing commerce and foodways.
Why not indulge in a few good stories, such as that of Queen Tomyris, who avenged her army’s slaughter at the hands of Cyrus by having him decapitated and his head dipped in a bag of blood? Herodotus told this story (1.212), and it was so memorable that even when his Greek text was lost to the West, medieval and early modern writers (including Shakespeare) knew and repurposed it; eighteenth-century porcelain makers, too, recreated it (see image 2).  The story may well be apocryphal, but these too can occasion good teaching moments. Let’s see what we can do to make college history more Herodotean. Even if it won’t save us from the disdain of an increasingly presentist culture, at least, like Hippokleides, we might enjoy a last binge.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Suzanne Marchand is Boyd Professor of European Intellectual History at Louisiana State University. Her current research projects include a history of Herodotus’ readers from 1700 to the present, tentatively titled Herodotus and the Instabilities of Western Civilization. Her wide-ranging research interests include classical studies, art history, anthropology, history, and theology in modern Europe, as well as in the history of porcelain and related topics in the history of material culture and consumption in Central Europe.
Suzanne’s publications include the article ‘Herodotus and the Fate of Universal History in Nineteenth-Century Germany’, Journal of Modern History (forthcoming, 2023) and the monographs Porcelain. A History from the Heart of Europe (Princeton UP, 2020) and German Orientalism in the Age of Empire: Race, Religion, and Scholarship (Cambridge UP, 2009).
Her essay, ‘Flourishing with Herodotus’ appeared in Darrin McMahon’s edited collection, History & Human Flourishing (OUP, 2023)."
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burgundybmw · 2 years
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Stranger Things Zodiac Signs: The Girls
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Max Mayfield // Sagittarius
I think most people agree Max is some type of fire sign, my argument is that she is a Sagittarius specifically. Max loves a challenge, we see this with her high scores in Dig Dug in season 2, and also how she was hell bent on joining the party. If Mike wasn't so against it, I don't think she would have made the effort. Sagittarius also likes jumping into new adventures, this is obvious throughout the entire series with her. Max is known for her rollercoaster relationship with Lucas, she breaks up with him and gets back together often. Sagittarius is notorious for keeping one eye on the exit within their romantic relationships. They don't like to be tied down, and hate to talk about their feelings. We see this in season 4 when it takes her NEARLY DYING for her to finally open up to vulnerability, and she still does it in the form of letters instead of face to face conversation.
However, it's different with platonic relationships. Sagittarius are amazing friends, they are low maintenance and are always up for a good time. We see this with Max and Eleven's friendship. She immediately calls Eleven up, says boys are stupid and they lie, and takes her shopping and out for ice cream. Shows her what it's really like to be a teenage girl. I honestly loved her and Eleven's friendship, and they definitely need to bring that shit back in season 5. Sagittarius are also known for being clever and having a great sense of humor, we see this in Max's character in season 4. Her sarcastic comments to Dustin in the beginning were hysterical, and she was the one who figured out the connection between the number of gates with the clock chime. Max has insane Sagittarius energy, and that's why we love her.
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Jane "Eleven" Hopper // Pisces
This girl is a Pisces, full stop. Eleven is very emotional and impressionable, we see this with how she interacts with the men in her life. Poor thing was manipulated by Dr. Brenner most of her life, and it took her a long time for her to unlearn that. With her relationship with Mike, she just took whatever he said at face value (until she started hanging with Max.) She got upset with him when he wouldn't say the L word to her, and wasn't afraid to show those emotions. When she was with Hopper, she was quick to huge emotional responses when he was trying to enact discipline, whether or not he was right is a different debate.
Pisces is also known to be very mystical, to have "half body half spirit." Eleven can LITERALLY see into another world, her physical body still on Earth while her consciousness peaks into the Upside Down and beyond. They also have a habit of adopting other people's problems, we see that throughout the show. Something that comes to mind is with Billy, she wanted to dive deep into his psyche and try to understand him more. Pisces tend to feel insecure about their place, and want to feel needed and important. We see this when she loses her powers, and decides to join Dr. Owens for the Nina Project to get her powers back, despite knowing it will be traumatic for her. Eleven is loyal and unselfish, ready to sacrifice herself when needed. Something every Pisces needs to look out for.
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Erica Sinclair // Capricorn
Miss. amERICA herself, is definitely a Capricorn. She is very intelligent and outspoken, and is incredibly ambitious. Capricorns are known for their goals of seeking fortune and power, and Erica gave this whole speech about how much she loves capitalism. She was the first to call out the DnD group for wanting to retreat, and she wanted to finish it to the death having faith she would succeed, and she did! She is determined, and quick to follow any opportunity that could help with her goals. Erica is constantly moving forward, and doesn't let anyone or anything hold her back.
Capricorns are not comfortable with ambiguity, they like to view their world in terms of black and white, not a million shades of gray. We see this in season 3 and 4 with her trying to understand the Upside Down. When Dustin goes on with his theories, she's the first to call him out and explain it in more definitive terms. She is factual, logical, and direct. Erica lives her life with a her way or the highway mentality, and that frequently leads to arguments. Capricorns have a tendency to come off as cold and shallow, but if someone manages to find their way into their inner circle, Capricorns will deeply cherish them and will remain loyal to them. We see this with her relationship to Lucas, she may seem like she doesn't care about her brother, but she loves him very deeply. She follows him and his friends on all the craziness, and doesn't hesitate when the going gets tough.
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potatoleeksoup · 1 year
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3, 4, and 13!
ty!!!
(3) what were your top five books of the year?
in no particular order i loved:
mrs caliban by rachel ingalls. this is SO good. ingalls went straight on my list of forgotten 20th century women that i want to become. actually it's an extremely short list but she's on it right behind my forever queen gina berriault look her up
what you can see from here by mariana leky. honestly this has faded from my memory a little bit since i read it in the spring but i remember being totally obsessed with the prose and narrative movement of this. id love to relearn all my german and read this in the original and also all leky's other books (i believe she has other novels but idk if any have been translated?)
a home at the end of the world by michael cunningham. is it boring to recommend michael cunningham maybe. did this book make me insane and do i frequently think about specific lines and phrases from particularly the first third of it YES. michael call me i just want to talk
the tree and the vine by dola de jong. being in secret unrequited love with your roommate is so scary and horrible ! this book is like a very very sharp gemstone !
all fires the fire by julio cortázar. cortázar is one of my favorites ever and this collection is just like completely complex and perfect like a box of bitter chocolates. right after german i will be learning spanish in order to experience these stories for the first time in a new way again
honorable mentions to:
reprieve by james han mattson. it's possible that this isn't good but i had SO much fun reading it. one of the only books i have read over the past few years that i found really and truly exciting. escape room novel!!!!
the glassy, burning floor of hell by brian evenson. good book! but MOST importantly my favorite title of the year.
anddddddd interview with the vampire. sorry. i loved this.
(4) did you discover any new authors that you love this year?
definitely rachel ingalls! i had heard of her but never read her and i am so pleased to have finally dipped my toesies into her work. maybe rivka galchen too... everyone knows your mother is a witch was good and i am excited to see if i like her other work even better. and dola de jong! i had never even heard of her! if any of her other work is ever available in english translation i will be sprinting to the library
(13) what were your least favorite books of the year?
ahh yes my favorite. hating. let's see...
the charm offensive by alison cochrun. unfortunately had to revoke the bisexuality card of the dear friend who recommended this to me. stupid and really bad in ways that matter (fetishistic strange representation of gay men) as well as ways that are just annoying (horrible prose and overtherapized emotional narratives)
a visit from the goon squad by jennifer egan. sad that i broke my 11 year streak of never reading this but it was required for a class. the PULITZER PRIZE? for LITERATURE? are you SURE?
the snow queen by michael cunningham. goddamn the higher they climb the harder they fall!!!!!!! this was one of the worst structured and most sloppily and fluffily written novels i have ever read. and from the king of structure and perfect sharp prose himself. sad... well there's other fiction writers
how to find your way in the dark by derek b miller. a genuinely antisemitic book recommendation from the aforementioned formerly bisexual dear friend. horribly written and with a bad case of my protagonist is the specialest little boy in the world. special shoutout to this book for inspiring the novel i am currently working on by being so bad that i looked at it and thought even i could do a better job at this
the temps by andrew deyoung. no more clever little books by clever little guys. it is appropriate that the cover of this is green like toxic slutch because it gave me horrible indigestion. thinks it is so smart about the world and is so fundamentally mistaken about every single one of the issues it tries to tackle
and i COULD GO ON!!!!! there are bad books being published every day on this bitch of an earth!
this was so fun i love yelling
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jewpacabruhs · 1 year
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????? new ep was lowkey sexist. they pulled a huge double standard with how they treated meghan, calling her stupid/dumb, not even treating her as a person but more an accessory of the prince…and then the prince got a redemption arc. come on like that was pretty nasty no…and this is coming from someone who loves kyle focused eps. first ep of the season wasnt too bad tho. lets hope for more of that
[wrote this reply up right after i got this but posting 2 weeks later cuz i was meaning to proof read and post but i got busy)
i get ur perspective but honestly ive never thought to view south park thru a sexism lense or to try to condemn them for it. its satire of female and male celebrities is equally scathing, the men are depicted as similarly vapid and irritating. i don't think sp's history of mocking women is particularly targeted and nasty. as i said in my other post (which you sent me an additional anon about so i kno u read it), sp is about exaggerating things, not always accurately, to make a point. and sometimes that means portraying capable and normal women as, what, mid-00s MTV-type party girls? and sure, that's one of the many features of sp that's technically 'problematic', and the reason so many ppl have 'sp fans dni' on their blogs - but we're here, aren't we, watching this bastard show and trying to juggle watching it critically and enjoying the stupidity?
i dunno, im neutral towards meghan & harry, if anything i respect them, but i very rarely have actual firm opinions on the shit matt & trey choose to make fun of, and this was a situation where it was just their usual shitting all over their celebs of choice who i personally have very little opinion on, and i thought that what they were trying to say in the episode was good. sp's only ever been abt making an individual or group represent something, and then using it all as a way to bitch about a genre of prevalent stupidity. that's what this ep did. was it at the expense of a woc? yeah, and usually that'd be immediately condemnable, but matt and trey have pretty firmly made it clear they're in the "we can find stupidity ANYWHERE" libertarian boat. i have enough respect for them as satire-oriented comedy writers to believe that they're sufficiently capable of lacking bias or prejudice in who they mock, for the most part at least, and that's why i can't condemn them for it specifically. though i know that's very subjective, as im aware that lots of people don't think satire is clever and it's just thinly veiled bigotry. but i'd assume the majority of sp fans who actually care about the satirical plots would be attuned to where matt & trey are coming from.
im disliking the way im seeing south park fans on tumblr perceive episodes lately. people forget that it's a satirical show, and it goes so thoroughly over their heads. but ig thats what happens when smth develops a tumblr-type fanbase, and in this case it's at the expense of critical readings of a sometimes rather insightful show. but i digress. i rlly did think the first ep was terrible. this one at least had smth to say.
(update, as of 3/3: the most recent ep came out the other day and it was a tad boring but very much, again, fairly well-done satire. i didnt even check how ppl reacted to it tho, im not rlly caring lately tbh)
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maguro13-2 · 4 months
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War of Shadow Realm ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Chapter 4 Finale [3/5] ~
"Continuing Transmission..."
*TV BUZZING*
Hal : Hang tight, folks! We're are experiencing some heavy technical difficulties! Things are quite a bit messy around here at Channel 5 and we--*TV BUZZING*
Rosalina : Hey! What happened?! Who's re-broadcasting the thing?! Penny get that thing working!
Penny Crygor : [types quickly] I'm trying to getting back in fast as I can! But someone is hacking into my computer! What a sucker! Can't say for sure who's been re-broadcasting my Communicator, someone really managed to pull this one through!
[Necrodeus appears on the screen]
Necrodeus : Citizens of Real World AU. I am Necrodeus, the leader of the Skull Gang and ruler of this world's darkness. It is my pleasure of thanking the Kusakabe for making these parasites of this planet to protect the legacy of Shinra Kusakabe. His influence has made everyone strong, but apparently heroes of law and justice like you witches have able to monitored the situation, and that's exactly what I must do for our uprising!
Kimial Diehl : It's that righteous son of a b*tch!
Maka Albarn : So that's him, right? That's the Skull Gang Leader, Necrodeus!
[The Skull Gang - Shogo Sakai]
Daroach : So that's one of the mastermind that is behind the scenes in Soul World!
Tifa Lockhart : It's that skeleton guy! That's the leader of that floating skull head gang!
Cloud Strife : Author Ohkubo have led us astray for all of that Soul Eater crap. Who would've thought that floating skull thing finally arrives?
Yuffie Kusagari : What about it? It's no wonder that Soul World was nothing more than a common facade to this Shadow Realm thing. And he had been turning the tables pretty quick.
Ashley : I've know you something from before. You're that creep who turned a pink puffball into 10 clones of him! This was all your doing and including My partner Kimial, which used the meisters and the so-called Meisters as puppets on a string to you the entire time! And now I realize that the Kusakabe legacy was nothing but a piece of data that was created within the database! And let me guess...you are responsible for being the fake Shinigami of Soul World!
Necrodeus : (broadcasting) Let me put my thinking cap on...of course I did it to impress the Real Wolrd like a bunch of fools! What do you think I am, an imbecile?! I only wanted the real world to impress everything and in fact that you are absolutely right, detective! The Kusakabe legacy was really a piece of data that was stored within the database.
Ventus : So, the legacy of Shinra Kusakabe that we've been looking for...
Axel : Ah, nuts! It was in that stupid computer all along and nobody else was looking! All of this was a distraction to protect data from falling into the wrong hands!
Xion : So the meisters and witches have been deceiving from all of those lies. The author of Soul World lied to us, there was no such thing as bringing madness to the real world at all! It's all just a crummy joke to be deceive from the devil's eyes!
Tails : Shinra Kusakabe's legacy was really a piece of data stored within in the database?
Sonic : That's what this is all about? Someone finally knows how pull their tricks up in their sleeves!
Shadow : This case has been officially cracked! Guess that wasn't how Shinra's creation of Soul World isn't going to be.
(Everyone exclamaing)
Maka Albarn : Kusakabe legacy that we've been looking for...was a piece of data? So that's what this is all about, protecting data from being stolen by the hands of a criminal. So that's how the men of Shinra's influence to keep it all a secret.
Necrodeus : So, I am giving you a proper demand that In needed to me within 24 hours to hand over the Legacy, I will plunge this planet and the universe into darkness!
Ashley : Oh yeah? If you're clever of stopping us in favor of saving humanity and witchkind from the forces of true evil, (flips Necrodeus) then how about that I give you a demand of having no authority to respect, you F**king dark prick!? We have no idea of where the legacy might be and that's a clue that will never forget!
Necrodeus : And if you sure about having a fair fight. Watch as I annihilate the real world with the help of my people that I'd like to introduce you to.
Ashley : Charmed. Hope that your so-called friends of the Skull Gang would mind saying the question of--
Skullies : You and what army!?
(An army of the Skull Gang sppears)
Ashley : Oh, those friends of your. That was a stupid question to ask, but rhetorical.
Kimial Diehl : There's no end to these guys, is there? An army of Skulls would be a much of this War on Moon crap. That is a lot of enemies to take down!
Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Even the pink puff has some gutsy moves to beat those guys if there were only 10 clones of himself, the one that Necrodeus pulled a slick move on him.
Mario : So, what do we planning on destroying the moon, Ohkubo's moon? Should we just blow it up with any kind of destructive weapons or something?
Luigi : I don't know, man. But why did we came to the moon of Soul World for that?
Mario : No reason for that matter, Just uhh--
*DBZ SFX : RUMBLING*
All : WOAAAAAAH!!
Luigi : Hey, guys! What the hell is happening?! Why is the universe shaking?!
Rosalina : Is it me or does the universe is kinda shaking the planets right now?
Toad (via radio) : Guys! Something's really happening! We can feel tons of dark energy coming fround somewhere over the planet. And I don't think this is a good one, but I think that something's not quite right for ourselves and I don't think that Bowser's doing this.
Knuckles : What?!
Sonic : What the heck is going on?! Is there a earthquake in Space that we all feel?!
Knuckles : This is no Earthquake!
[Stop the Black Hole - Hideaki Kobayashi]
(a black hole appears with mysterious space craft; it's Astral Babylon from the Sonic Riders series)
Tails : The Lightless Black, it's back! And isn't that...
Sonic : Hey wait a sec, that ship. that's Babylon Garden!
Shadow : What?! This is the instellar spacecraft that disguised itself as an island? You mean Babylon Garden's true form was a spaceship that crashed landed on Mobius! In fact Babylon Garden wasn't an island at all!
Mario : Guys! Everyone! What is going on!
Rosalina : (broadcasting) Oh no, guys! Someone managed to activate the Lightless Black, I bet it's the work of the Time Eater that Homura Akemi mentioned.
Mario : What?! The Time Eater?! the one that destroyed half of the Ohkuboverse?!
Kimial Diehl : So that Time-eating creep was behind all of this! Planning to wipe us all out! So it wanted to destroy the Ohkuboverse that badly because of the spreading influence! And it's all of Ohkubo's fault that he started Soul World in the first place!
Shinra (Devil Chaos Chao) : But at this rate, the moon that the Author designed is going to be swallowed! We have to evacuate this area now!
(Abis Roars)
Shinra (Devil Chaos Chao) : What was that noise!? Was that my grandson making noise!?
Kimial Diehl : Umm, Guys? Look! (Points at something in horror what appears to be Master Core : Abis) that robot with a Meteortech symbol on his head , I believe it's...(flashing images of SCR-HD of himself)
Sonic : Hey, That's MeteorTech's leader, it's one of Eggman's robots! I think it's time for a rematch with this fella.
??? : Then leave this one to us! I'll help you guys on saving earth from that tin can!
Sonic : It's you...*DBZ SFX : Surprise* Jet!
Jet : Did you miss us, blue rodent? Haven't seen you awhile since our last race at the tournament and the Olympics! But it's a good thing we decided to help with someone from earth.
Sonic : But with who?
??? : Because that So-called Shinigami is such a charlatan. Only a true reaper is capable of having no boundaries between the balance of life and death. I do not care about the money, I care about saving lives in earth. But do not worry, Adam Blade and the other won't know thing that I will be Japan's truest Shinigami.
Sonic : "Truest Shinigami" So, you wanted to be someone that is a true Shinigami, a Shinigami that protects the innocence and defends humanity from the threats of evil. The girls who is cold deathless that wields a powerful sword created by the death gods, and perhaps it's wisely that the detectives have known you somewhere before...You are blonde girl that met Adam Blade for the first time in Japan and you were the shinigami chosen by the death gods. You...are...Seto.
Seto : Yes...You are correct!
[Jingle : Round Clear (Shadow) - Jun Senoue]
[NEWCOMER : SETO RETURNS FROM THE AFTERLIFE]
Seto : Let there be judgement against tyranny, cause the Shinigami is here today!
~ Seventieth Scene : The Girl from a Needless World
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