The Spuffy Hotlist (according to Me)
Most of these are Spuffy episodes, some (especially the ones from Season 4) are episodes with a b-plot that is centered on Spike, and aren’t necessarily Spuffy-centered. The descriptions are partly taken from the Buffy Wiki and then changed a bit.
also tagging @me-and-snails
S2E3 School Hard – Spike and Drusilla visit Sunnydale for the Night of Saint Vigeous, the holy night of attack.
S2E10 What’s My Line? Part 2 – Buffy drops an organ on Spike.
S2E22 Becoming, Part 2 – Spike offers a temporary alliance to Buffy.
S3E8 Lovers Walk – After Drusilla has broken up with him, a broken Spike returns to Sunnydale to punish everyone to blame, especially Angel.
S4E8 Pangs – Spike tries to get help from the Scoobies after The Initiative has put a chip into his head and is taken in by Giles.
S4E9 Something Blue – Willow’s spell goes badly, making Buffy and Spike fall in love and get engaged.
S4E11 Doomed – Spike has lost his will to live without his ability to kill due to the chip in his head, but grows heartened by the approaching end of the world as the Hellmouth has reopened.
S4E14 Goodbye Iowa – Spike has become an outcast among demons since he has taken up with the Scoobies.
S4E20 The Yoko Factor – Spike joins forces with Adam and devises a plan to tear Buffy from her friends, leaving her wide open for an attack.
S4E4 Out Of My Mind – When Riley stubbornly refuses help for his physical aftereffects of Initiative drugs and goes into hiding, Buffy turns to Spike for help, but he takes her situation for his own plot to rid himself of her once and for all.
S5E7 Fool for Love – In an effort to learn about Slayers’ final battles after having gotten hurt, Buffy forces Spike to tell her how he killed two Slayers.
S5E10 Into the Woods – Spike exposes Riley’s letting vampires suck his blood to Buffy.
S5E14 Crush – Buffy’s rejection of his love sends Spike back into Drusilla’s arms, who is set on returning him to his killer ways.
S5E15 I Was Made to Love You – Spike is thrown through a window by a heartbroken young woman/robot.
S5E17 Forever – Spike decides to help Dawn, who is trying to resurrect her mother, Joyce.
S5E18 Intervention – Believing he is The Key, Glory kidnaps and tortures Spike, but he decides not to tell her about Dawn. As a thank you, Buffy kisses him.
S5E20 Spiral – Spike helps the Scoobies protect Dawn and flee from Glory.
S5E22 The Gift – Spike protects Dawn from Glory’s ritual because he’s “made a promise to a lady.”
S6E1 Bargaining, Part 1 – Spike still takes care of Dawn, even after Buffy’s death.
S6E3 After Life – Buffy opens up to Spike about what happened to her while she was dead, something she feels she is unable to tell her friends.
S6E4 Flooded – In a quiet moment, Buffy and Spike sit on the porch and talk about life and money.
S6E7 Once More, With Feeling – A demon makes the citizens of Sunnydale break into song and Spike sings about their complicated relationship and that she should stay away if she can’t decide what they should be.
S6E9 Smashed – Spike realizes he can fight Buffy. The two fight; but as tensions rise, the two kiss and sleep with each other.
S6E10 Wrecked – Buffy is disgusted with herself after having slept with Spike.
S611 Gone – A social services worker believes that Spike is Buffy’s boyfriend. Later, Buffy is hit by an invisibility gun, which gives her a sense of freedom and she goes to sleep with Spike while invisible.
S6E12 Doublemeat Palace – Buffy starts working at a fast-food restaurant and after Spike annoys her at work, she sleeps with him during her break.
S6E13 Dead Things – Buffy is framed for murder by Warren, Andrew and Jonathan, making her believe she has actually killed an innocent person. Spike tries to convince her she didn’t kill anyone by making the body disappear, even though he had attacked her earlier.
S615 As You Were – Riley comes back to Sunnydale to recruit her to fight a demon. Accidentally, he stumbles onto Buffy and Spike sleeping with each other. However, Buffy decides to break things off with Spike at the end of the episode.
S6E19 Seeing Red – Spike tries to assault Buffy, but she fights him off.
S6E21 Two to Go – Spike starts fighting to get his soul back.
S6E22 Grave – Spike manages to get his soul back.
S7E1 Lessons – Spike appears in the basement of the rebuilt Sunnydale High School but appears to have gone mad.
S7E2 Beneath You – Spike, even though still mad, reveals to Buffy he’s gotten his soul back.
S7E8 Sleeper – Buffy fears that Spike has been killing people again and finds out that he can’t remember what happened, but switches from good to evil, again and again.
S7E9 Never Leave Me – Spike is tied up in the Summers’ house, but is later taken by the First’s lackeys.
S7E10 Bring On The Night – Spike is being kept prisoner by the First, who tortures him by appearing to him as Drusilla and Buffy.
S7E11 Showtime – Buffy rescues Spike from the First.
S7E12 Potential – Buffy and Spike train the Potentials.
S7E13 The Killer in Me – Spike’s chip malfunctions, and he ad Bufy have to find a way to help him.
S7E15 Get It Done – Spike kills a demon to get Buffy back to the present.
S7E16 Storyteller – Andrew documents what is happening for future generations and Buffy and Spike get a big romantic introduction in his story.
S7E17 Lies My Parents Told Me – A solution to Spike’s trigger is found, but Giles and Principal Wood decide to try to kill him.
S7E20 Touched – Buffy is demoted from leadership by the Potentials and throw out of the house. Spike is the only one who stands up for her and comforts her in an abandoned house.
S7E22 Chosen – Spike sacrifices himself to close the Hellmouth, but not before Buffy tells him she loves him.
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Operation Stumpy Re-Read
ADWD: Jon IX (Chapter 44)
Queen Selyse descended upon Castle Black with her daughter and her daughter's fool, her serving girls and lady companions, and a retinue of knights, sworn swords, and men-at-arms fifty strong.
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He met the queen's party by the stables, accompanied by Satin, Bowen Marsh, and half a dozen guards in long black cloaks. It would never do to come before this queen without a retinue of his own, if half of what they said of her was true.
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You should hear what Cotter says of you. "I am sorry for that, but I fear Your Grace will find conditions at the Nightfort even less to your liking. We speak of a fortress, not a palace. A grim place, and cold. Whereas Eastwatch—"
"Eastwatch is not safe." The queen put a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "This is the king's true heir. Shireen will one day sit the Iron Throne and rule the Seven Kingdoms. She must be kept from harm, and Eastwatch is where the attack will come. This Nightfort is the place my husband has chosen for our seat, and there we shall abide. We—oh!"
Where is she getting that from? Hm?
On the show the Night King attacked Eastwatch.
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An enormous shadow emerged from behind the shell of the Lord Commander's Tower. Princess Shireen gave a shriek, and three of the queen's knights gasped in harmony. Another swore. "Seven save us," he said, quite forgetting his new red god in his shock.
"Don't be afraid," Jon told them. "There's no harm in him, Your Grace. This is Wun Wun."
[...]
Wun Wun began to laugh. A giant's laughter could put to shame a dragon's roar. Patchface covered his ears, Princess Shireen pressed her face into her mother's furs, and the boldest of the queen's knights moved forward, steel in hand. Jon raised an arm to block his path. "You do not want to anger him. Sheathe your steel, ser. Leathers, take Wun Wun back to Hardin's."
[...]
He turned back to the queen's knights. "My lord father used to say a man should never draw his sword unless he means to use it."
"Using it was my intent." The knight was clean-shaved and windburnt; beneath a cloak of white fur he wore a cloth-of-silver surcoat emblazoned with a blue five-pointed star. "I had been given to understand that the Night's Watch defended the realm against such monsters. No one mentioned keeping them as pets."
Another bloody southron fool. "You are …?"
"Ser Patrek of King's Mountain, if it please my lord."
MARTIN: Well there's this guy named Patrick St. Denis, who runs a fantasy website called Pat's Fantasy Hotlist. And Pat is a big Dallas Cowboys fan. So we would have a standing bet for a number of years about whether the Dallas Cowboys or the New York Giants would do better. And I won the bet the first two years. But finally, in the third year the Cowboys finished ahead of the Giants. And what I had to do if he won the bet was to kill him horribly within the books.
So I invented a character called Ser Patrek of King's Mountain and described his heraldry as looking somewhat like the heraldry of the Dallas Cowboys with the silver star on a white field. And then I had him ripped apart by a giant. (Link)
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"In the dark the dead are dancing." Patchface shuffled his feet in a grotesque dance step. "I know, I know, oh oh oh."
Dancing is usually Daenerys, but this one feels more like the Others.
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The banker [Tycho Nestoris] pressed his fingers together. "It would not be proper for me to discuss Lord Stannis's indebtedness or lack of same. As to King Robert … it was indeed our pleasure to assist His Grace in his need. For so long as Robert lived, all was well. Now, however, the Iron Throne has ceased all repayment."
Could the Lannisters truly be so foolish?
Yes.
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"You cannot mean to hold Stannis responsible for his brother's debts."
"The debts belong to the Iron Throne," Tycho declared, "and whosoever sits on that chair must pay them. Since young King Tommen and his counsellors have become so obdurate, we mean to broach the subject with King Stannis. Should he prove himself more worthy of our trust, it would of course be our great pleasure to lend him whatever help he needs."
"Help," the raven screamed. "Help, help, help."
Good thing Bran's hearing this.
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"We need a loan as well. Gold enough to keep us fed till spring. To buy food and hire ships to bring it to us."
"Spring?" Tycho sighed. "It is not possible, my lord."
What was it Stannis had said to him? You haggle like a crone with a codfish, Lord Snow. Did Lord Eddard father you on a fishwife? Perhaps he had at that.
It took the better part of an hour before the impossible became possible, and another hour before they could agree on terms. The flagon of mulled wine that Satin delivered helped them settle the more nettlesome points. By the time Jon Snow signed the parchment the Braavosi drew up, both of them were half-drunk and quite unhappy. Jon thought that a good sign.
The three Braavosi ships would bring the fleet at Eastwatch up to eleven, including the Ibbenese whaler that Cotter Pyke had commandeered on Jon's order, a trading galley out of Pentos similarly impressed, and three battered Lysene warships, remnants of Salladhor Saan's former fleet driven back north by the autumn storms.
Baby's first contract negotiation. ❤️
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"Let us hope so. The narrow sea is perilous this time of year, and of late there have been troubling reports of strange ships seen amongst the Stepstones."
"Salladhor Saan?"
"The Lysene pirate? Some say he has returned to his old haunts, this is so. And Lord Redwyne's war fleet creeps through the Broken Arm as well. On its way home, no doubt. But these men and their ships are well-known to us. No, these other sails … from farther east, perhaps … one hears queer talk of dragons."
"Would that we had one here. A dragon might warm things up a bit."
"My lord jests. You will forgive me if I do not laugh. We Braavosi are descended from those who fled Valyria and the wroth of its dragonlords. We do not jape of dragons."
No, I suppose not. "My apologies, Lord Tycho."
There's so much to love about this.
Braavosi have deep-seated hatred of Valyrians ... The Iron Bank will never aid Daenerys ... Jon is reminded dragons are no laughing matter.
It's all great.
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Three of the queen's ladies sat together, attended by their serving maids and a dozen admiring men of the Night's Watch.
I'm going to need Brienne, 12 men, a wolf, and a brother on Sansa at all times when she arrives.
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When he espied Jon Snow, Axell Florent tossed a bone aside, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and sauntered over. With his bowed legs, barrel chest, and prominent ears, he presented a comical appearance, but Jon knew better than to laugh at him. He was an uncle to Queen Selyse and had been among the first to follow her in accepting Melisandre's red god. If he is not a kinslayer, he is the next best thing. Axell Florent's brother had been burned by Melisandre, Maester Aemon had informed him, yet Ser Axell had done little and less to stop it. What sort of man can stand by idly and watch his own brother being burned alive?
Laugh out loud.
<- Daenerys VII
🎨 steamey
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"Lord Snow, if I may ask … this wildling princess His Grace King Stannis wrote of … where might she be, my lord?"
Long leagues from here, Jon thought. If the gods are good, by now she has found Tormund Giantsbane. "Val is the younger sister of Dalla, who was Mance Rayder's wife and mother to his son. King Stannis took Val and the child captive after Dalla died in childbed, but she is no princess, not as you mean it."
It's Jon who will learn this lesson the hard way, and I can't wait.
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It gave him an uneasy feeling. Braavosi coin would allow the Night's Watch to buy food from the south when their own stores ran short, food enough to see them through the winter, however long it might prove to be. A long hard winter will leave the Watch so deep in debt that we will never climb out, Jon reminded himself, but when the choice is debt or death, best borrow.
He did not have to like it, though. And come spring, when the time came to repay all that gold, he would like it even less.
Lumber trade, Jon. Look around you.
They have no trees, she realized. Braavos is all stone, a grey city in a green sea. - Arya I, AFFC
x
"There's no more wood." Dareon had paid the innkeep double for a room with a hearth, but none of them had realized that wood would be so costly here. Trees did not grow on Braavos, save in the courts and gardens of the mighty. - Samwell III, AFFC
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Tycho Nestoris had impressed him as cultured and courteous, but the Iron Bank of Braavos had a fearsome reputation when collecting debts. Each of the Nine Free Cities had its bank, and some had more than one, fighting over every coin like dogs over a bone, but the Iron Bank was richer and more powerful than all the rest combined. When princes defaulted on their debts to lesser banks, ruined bankers sold their wives and children into slavery and opened their own veins. When princes failed to repay the Iron Bank, new princes sprang up from nowhere and took their thrones.
As poor plump Tommen may be about to learn. No doubt the Lannisters had good reason for refusing to honor King Robert's debts, but it was folly all the same. If Stannis was not too stiff-necked to accept their terms, the Braavosi would give him all the gold and silver he required, coin enough to buy a dozen sellsword companies, to bribe a hundred lords, to keep his men paid, fed, clothed, and armed. Unless Stannis is lying dead beneath the walls of Winterfell, he may just have won the Iron Throne. He wondered if Melisandre had seen that in her fires.
Stannis will die, so they might back Aegon VI? I forget if Kevan sorts out the Iron Bank stuff for Cersei.
One thing I do know is that they'll never back Daenerys when she has dragons.
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On the morrow he would draft orders for Cotter Pyke. Eleven ships to Hardhome. Bring back as many as you can, women and children first. It was time they set sail. Should I go myself, though, or leave it to Cotter? The Old Bear had led a ranging. Aye. And never returned.
Silly boy, it's just as easy to die at Castle Black as it is beyond the Wall.
Unlike the show, book!Jon isn't a superhero with an action scene quota, so there will be no trips to Hardhome. Cotter Pyke and Tormund get to have all the fun instead.
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Arya. Jon straightened. It had to be her.
"Girl," screamed the raven. "Girl, girl."
"Ty and Dannel came on her two leagues south of Mole's Town. They were chasing down some wildlings who scampered off down the kingsroad. Brought them back as well, but then they come on the girl. She's highborn, m'lord, and she's been asking for you."
"How many with her?" He moved to his basin, splashed water on his face. Gods, but he was tired.
"None, m'lord. She come alone. Her horse was dying under her. All skin and ribs it was, lame and lathered. They cut it loose and took the girl for questioning."
A grey girl on a dying horse. Melisandre's fires had not lied, it would seem. But what had become of Mance Rayder and his spearwives?
I would also like to know what became of Mance.
Alys arrived alone on a dying horse.
✅ "A girl in grey on a dying horse. Jon Snow's sister."
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"Where is the girl now?"
"Maester Aemon's chambers, m'lord." The men of Castle Black still called it that, though by now the old maester should be warm and safe in Oldtown.
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"That's good." Jon felt fifteen years old again. Little sister. He rose and donned his cloak.
He's sixteen.
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The snow was still falling as he crossed the yard with Mully. A golden dawn was breaking in the east, but behind Lady Melisandre's window in the King's Tower a reddish light still flickered. Does she never sleep? What game are you playing, priestess? Did you have some other task for Mance?
I would also like to know if there's some other task.
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The best solution he could see would mean dispatching her to Eastwatch and asking Cotter Pyke to put her on a ship to someplace across the sea, beyond the reach of all these quarrelsome kings. It would need to wait until the ships returned from Hardhome, to be sure. She could return to Braavos with Tycho Nestoris. Perhaps the Iron Bank could help find some noble family to foster her. Braavos was the nearest of the Free Cities, though … which made it both the best and the worst choice. Lorath or the Port of Ibben might be safer. Wherever he might send her, though, Arya would need silver to support her, a roof above her head, someone to protect her. She was only a child.
Braavos sounds like a great place Arya Stark. Heh.
His hands are tied, but you still have to laugh at Jon planning to immediately ship her off somewhere else. I'm sure the Arya fans aren't bothered by that at all.
She was only a child.
Lol.
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Jon stepped over a puddle of damp clothing. "Snow, Snow, Snow," the ravens called down from above. The girl was curled up near the fire, wrapped in a black woolen cloak three times her size and fast asleep.
Black woolen cloak. No other clothing mentioned.
❌ I must find the girl again, the grey girl on the dying horse.
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She looked enough like Arya to give him pause, but only for a moment. A tall, skinny, coltish girl, all legs and elbows, her brown hair was woven in a thick braid and bound about with strips of leather. She had a long face, a pointy chin, small ears.
You mean like a horse? Are you suggesting your sister Arya has horse-like features?
Capital punishment.
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"I am told you have been asking after me. I am—"
"—Jon Snow." The girl tossed her braid back. "My house and yours are bound in blood and honor. Hear me, kinsman. My uncle Cregan is hard upon my trail. You must not let him take me back to Karhold."
Asking after Jon.
✅ She was racing to him for protection, that much Melisandre had seen clearly.
Running from a marriage to Cregan.
✅ I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her.
Take her back to Karhold.
❌ "I saw water. Deep and blue and still, with a thin coat of ice just forming on it. It seemed to go on and on forever." "Long Lake. What else did you see around this girl?"
The only body of water Alys could have come near is The Last River. The Last River is not a lake, it's a river. There would not be still water with a thin coat of ice.
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For a moment the memory eluded him. Then it came. "Alys Karstark."
That brought the ghost of a smile to her lips. "I was not sure you would remember. I was six the last time you saw me."
"You came to Winterfell with your father." The father Robb beheaded. "I don't recall what for."
She blushed. "So I could meet your brother. Oh, there was some other pretext, but that was the real reason. I was almost of an age with Robb, and my father thought we might make a match. There was a feast. I danced with you and your brother both. He was very courteous and said that I danced beautifully. You were sullen. My father said that was to be expected in a bastard."
Still looking for the right dancing partner.
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"You're still a little sullen," the girl said, "but I will forgive you that if you will save me from my uncle."
"Your uncle … would that be Lord Arnolf?"
"He is no lord," Alys said scornfully. "My brother Harry is the rightful lord, and by law I am his heir. A daughter comes before an uncle. Uncle Arnolf is only castellan. He's my great-uncle, actually, my father's uncle. Cregan is his son. I suppose that makes him a cousin, but we always called him uncle. Now they mean to make me call him husband." She made a fist. "Before the war I was betrothed to Daryn Hornwood. We were only waiting till I flowered to be wed, but the Kingslayer killed Daryn in the Whispering Wood. My father wrote that he would find some southron lord to wed me, but he never did. Your brother Robb cut off his head for killing Lannisters." Her mouth twisted. "I thought the whole reason they marched south was to kill some Lannisters."
[...]
"My uncle declared for Stannis, in hopes it might provoke the Lannisters to take poor Harry's head. Should my brother die, Karhold should pass to me, but my uncles want my birthright for their own. Once Cregan gets a child by me they won't need me anymore. He's buried two wives already." She rubbed away a tear angrily, the way Arya might have done it. "Will you help me?"
My oh my, look at all the things hiding in plain sight.
"Your uncle … would that be Lord Arnolf?" "He is no lord," Alys said scornfully. [...] Uncle Arnolf is only castellan.
"Lysa was murdered before the document could be presented for her signature, so I signed as Lord Protector. I knew that would have been her wish." - Sansa I, AFFC
He's my great-uncle, actually, my father's uncle. Cregan is his son. I suppose that makes him a cousin, but we always called him uncle. Now they mean to make me call him husband.
Running from a marriage to an uncle who isn't really her uncle?
"Wed?" Sansa was stunned. "You and my aunt?" - Sansa VI, ASOS
x
"Even here. In your heart. Can you do that? Can you be my daughter in your heart?" [...] "I am Alayne, Father. Who else would I be?" - Sansa I, AFFC
My brother Harry is the rightful lord
"Harry the Heir?" - Alayne II, AFFC
Before the war I was betrothed to Daryn Hornwood. We were only waiting till I flowered to be wed
If they do that … why, then we shall know that there is no taint in your blood, and when you come into the flower of your womanhood, you shall wed the king in the Great Sept of Baelor, before the eyes of gods and men. - Sansa IV, AGOT
My father wrote that he would find some southron lord to wed me, but he never did. Your brother Robb cut off his head for killing Lannisters.
When you're old enough, I will make you a match with a high lord who's worthy of you, someone brave and gentle and strong. - Sansa III, AGOT
x
"But they have the soft hearts of women. So long as I am your king, treason shall never go unpunished. Ser Ilyn, bring me his head!" - Arya V, AGOT
Should my brother die, Karhold should pass to me, but my uncles want my birthright for their own.
It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. - Sansa VI, ASOS
x
When Robert dies, Harry the Heir becomes Lord Harrold, Defender of the Vale and Lord of the Eyrie. Jon Arryn's bannermen will never love me, nor our silly, shaking Robert, but they will love their Young Falcon . . . and when they come together for his wedding, and you come out with your long auburn hair, clad in a maiden's cloak of white and grey with a direwolf emblazoned on the back . . . why, every knight in the Vale will pledge his sword to win you back your birthright. So those are your gifts from me, my sweet Sansa . . . Harry, the Eyrie, and Winterfell. That's worth another kiss now, don't you think? - Alayne II, AFFC
Once Cregan gets a child by me they won't need me anymore. He's buried two wives already.
"Only Cat." He gave her a short, sharp shove. - Sansa VII, ASOS
So many similarities between this girl not in grey and Sansa Stark. Must be a coincidence.
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"Marriages and inheritance are matters for the king, my lady. I will write to Stannis on your behalf, but—"
Alys Karstark slipped her arm through Jon's. "How much longer, Lord Snow? If I'm to be buried beneath this snow, I'd like to die a woman wed." - Jon X, ADWD
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"Arnolf is rushing to Winterfell, 'tis true, but only so he might put his dagger in your king's back. He cast his lot with Roose Bolton long ago … for gold, the promise of a pardon, and poor Harry's head. Lord Stannis is marching to a slaughter. So he cannot help me, and would not even if he could." Alys knelt before him, clutching the black cloak. "You are my only hope, Lord Snow. In your father's name, I beg you. Protect me."
Why are you kneeling Alys? Is there a king around?
(Dagger for Stannis!)
Final thoughts:
That is no girl in grey, your honor.
We just went an entire chapter without Jon pissing off Bowen Marsh. I feel like celebrating.
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