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hotluncheddie · 6 months

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high masking autistic steve harrington follow on from this post

ao3

wc: 2.6k | rated: T | cw: description of a meltdown with semi aggressive stimms | tags: autistic steve harrington (and eddie and robin but this is about stevie), hurt/comfort, stobin soulmates, steddie, steve Harrington has shitty parents

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

he failed. he graduated. but he failed. those unsaid words between him and his parents. some get said. the bad ones, about him, they get said. over again like he’s 5 and being told is behaviour isn’t acceptable. that how he is isn’t right. ‘shape up or ship out’, basically. steve knows he can’t go anywhere new, not right now. only freshly recovered, physically at least. mentally; he’s still unacceptable.

when steve works at scoops. it’s so fucking bright in there. so fucking bright, all day and he can’t focus and talking to people gets so much harder. it’s not like school where he can zone out in class and turn it on during lunch, in between, keep up his face with the people around him and sink back into his head during chemistry. no. now it’s all the time, customer after customer. that he has to talk to, put on a smile for, read so he gives them what they want and they leave happy. it’s exhausting. girls don’t like him anymore, they don’t react to him the same way. he doesn’t think he likes them much either though because they’re so much more annoying when it’s so fucking bright.

but robin (robin who cycles to work with sunglasses on and doesn’t take them off till she has too) she turns the lights down during open and close. so those couple hours, it’s not so bad. not so stressful. a little bit less loud.

after the mall burns down steve starts letting her in. tries too. she makes it obvious enough to him that she wants him there. she asks him to stay and calls him at night and he just wants to be enough for her. eventually he’d swallowed his pride and bolstered his courage and called her after a string of nightmares. asking her to stay the night. but then she was there, and it was like everything was thrown off. she was grating on his already freyed nerves but he didn’t know what to say. how to fix it without upsetting her.

but that night, a mirror of the mall bathroom played out in steves en-suite. steve had freaked. hidden. but she didn’t leave. and he tried to explain.

he needs her but he doesn’t know how to have her as a true friend. ‘i dunno how to talk to a girl if i don’t wanna date them. i uh, maybe, don’t really know how to talk to someone as myself. as a friend. sorry.’

‘well i don’t know how to talk to jocks so. same boat.’ and she has this glint in her eye. like she knows. and it’s okay.

because robin, she made it simple. she makes it easy. she says just ask and she’ll be honest and give him a yes or no. she’ll say if she can’t be touched right now, or if the movie he chose is pissing her the fuck off. and she wants the same from him. if the music is too loud, if she needs to let him not speak for a while. wants him honest and present and real. real friends. someone close. finally.

it’s rocky at first. she’s honest and he’s not used to it. it feel like criticism more often than not. makes him see red and lash out, like he was never able to with his parents. but he apologises and she stays. and he’s learning; that’s it’s okay, he’s not perfect and that means she’s knowing the real him. and she’s still his best friend even if he has to tell her to stop picking her nail polish off around him because it makes him want to die. and she laughs at him the first time she sees him in real recovery mode; hair not styled and he has on the only sweatshirt that ever feels good when he’s like this.

they lay on the floor in darkness and silence. it’s perfect. they share a tin of soup and a grilled cheese. it’s perfect.

being around robin as much as he is, its so new, having someone see so many parts of you. sometimes she laughs at him asking steve ‘why’d your voice change?’ but steve didn’t even know it had. he was, he was just talking to someone else quick, being nice like you’re supposed to, attentive to make them feel good. he didn’t know his voice changed that much.

‘girls would like you more if you talked normal to them. how you do to me.’

steve swallowed thickly. he just. he just doesn’t know that thats true. nancy left, he talked to her about lots of things, too many things. she like him better at the start. before some of his black tar innards spilled out. before he freaked. before he was able to paste himself back together and she saw him for what he really is.

he thinks of his parents. how they don’t know him and still don’t like him. anxiety prickles at his fingertips at the thought of those times they do come home.

because with them there the routine he’s carved for himself, those quiet moments of darkness that he so craves. they’re gone. now it’s tv static and plates clanging and having to show his face at dinner again. but he’s not ten anymore. now he’s an adult whose still drowning in the tension of the room, never able to say what’s really going on, never allowed to ask how they really feel, never taught how to figure his feeling out. no listening ear for steve as a child, and the ice only grew thicker with time.

it’s his skin itching at his mother stirring her tea across the house, spoon agains porcelain. it’s the hair on the back of his neck standing up at the sound of ice clinking in his fathers scotch glass. it’s triggered memories playing over and over again. it’s being plagued, by ghosts who haunt him, who left but come back every so often, like poltergeists. polietgists with the deed to the house, and ownership over steve, through blood and fear alone.

‘when they get back you come to mine steve yeah? you come home.’

because now theres not just robin. there’s eddie.

he sees everything. and more. even when steve’s trying to hide. eddie sees.

he noticed steve squinting at the hospital and asked the nurse to turn the lights down. he saw how he started zoning out at a diner with the kids, their arguing reaching a pitch, asked steve to keep him company for a smoke break. once they were outside eddie said he just needed a moment, ‘those kids can be animals’. said it and looked a him like he didn’t need an answer, let steve just breathe a focus on the sound of the wind.

it’s like there’s a million tiny moments, a million tiny cracks in him forming the more he’s around eddie. like his soft underbelly is mewling any time he’s around, wanting attention, wanting to let eddie see. let eddie touch.

eddie used to look at him sometimes, across the lunch hall. stare at him with an expression steve couldn’t really make sense of. he used to think it was judgment, annoyance. now he wonders if that face was confusion or interest. maybe eddie’s always been trying to figure steve out.

once it starts. them. eddie’s everywhere. more somehow, maybe, than robin because, you know, they go there. but it’s different, from those time, with those girls. instead now he’s there and his brains off and on in a, like, magical way. a new way that makes him feel whole and, and beautiful.

this thing they have. it’s fragile. it’s not perfect. he messes up, takes him a moment to grasp how eddie can be so so himself, always, no matter what. especially when it causes him problems. ‘why not just try and fit in?’ but the stone faced reply told steve that was the wrong thing to say, he didn’t get it but he needed to respect it. respect eddie and his choices. ‘i’m not like you steve, even if my brain shit was all gone i’d still be poor, i’d still be othered. still be a gay weirdo little freak.’

and steve is trying to get it. he’s learning to recognise that it’s sadness and confusion in eddie’s eyes when he visits him at work, knowing steve is having a bad day and watching him pretend. watching that mask form thick and fast, hiding the real him, protecting but also keeping everyone far far away. steve thinks maybe they’re living parallels. finding different ways to survive. neither better, neither worse. both far from perfect.

then that pinched sadness in eddie’s eyes. watching steve pretend. cover up. that damn breaks eventually. eddie sees all of him and more. those bits he always kept locked inside. between he and himself. it all comes spilling out.

they were supposed to be going out soon. but eddie wasn’t feeling it anymore ‘let’s just stay here, be cozy a little longer. what do you say, sweetheart?’ it does sound nice. steves so tired. but they decided. they had a plan.

‘we said we would. and i have to buy that thing eddie. we had a plan. and i have to go to work later, so we have to do it before. like we said and then i have to work eddie.’ and before he knows it there’s tears prickling his eyes and the ceiling fan is so loud and the desk lamp is too bright and he smacks a fist to the top of his head and it hurts a little but he’s so frustrated and so overwhelmed and so confused and embarrassed, suddenly. and he can’t breath. why can’t he breath? they had a plan.

they were supposed to go see hopper and pick something up and he has to talk to him and ask about the game because he needs hopper to like him because it’s better when el can come when all the kids hangout. it’s important that she’s happy so hopper needs to trust steve so steve was going to talk to him today and pick something up. it was the plan. hopper makes him nervous but that was the plan. and then he had to go to work. but now he can’t breathe and he feels like he needs something to hurt.

‘but he already trusts you with el stevie. hop trusts you with anything.’

‘i can’t know that. not for sure. when i talk to him it needs to be perfect.’ steve paces. a pinch at his arm. a tug at his hair. pivot. pace. repeat.

‘i heard what he said to you steve, on your birthday, he was calling you son all day. you don’t need to prove anything to him.’

‘i do eddie! you don’t understand. people, they lie. adults lie. they don’t say things the way they mean. i can’t fuck up talking to him. not like i always fuck up talking to my parents. i need to do it better. do it differently. because everyone always leaves. and i just don’t want to be alone again.’ and the tears really start to fall and steve can barely breath and he’s so embarrassed. shaking hands try and cover his face but the tears slip through.

and all he can think about is the plan. going to work. his vest hanging by the door. the way the plastic tapes feel in his hands. the smell of the bleach they mop the back room with. the day stretches before him. so many things in the way. so much anxiety still to come. if he can’t start, it can’t end. he gnaws at his lip. thumps a hand to his chest, trying to breath right, trying to ground.

‘i have to go to work’ he mutters. like a prayer. speak it in to happening. taking him away from the now. thump thump thump at his chest. ear ringing.

eddie’s holding his arms out, giving steve the option. he speaks so calmly, so earnest. ‘you can’t go to work steve. not like this baby.’

steve rounds on him. angry. when did everything get so messed up? if he was just left alone. he should’ve stayed on his own. ‘i cant just call in sick eddie! i’m not sick and and i hate the way they’ll sound when i say it over the phone and knowing what they’ll be thinking about me. they’ll know i hate the job and think i’m lazy and realise how stupid and useless i am and fire me. i can’t afford to get fired eddie. i’d rather just go in.’ he know it comes out garbled, his cheeks on fire.

‘i’m not letting you go in steve. i’ll sort it. i’ll go pick up robin before and she’ll cover for you, she’ll explain. and she would never. ever think that of you.’ eddie’s voice dropped octave. he speaks clearly and plainly and finally there’s a new plan to follow. a new rule for the day.

and all steve can do is curl up in a ball and sob. curl up in a ball against eddie chest, in his arms, squeezing his t-shirt between his fingers. clenching his muscles tight, his teeth grinding together. grunting out some of the decade old scream, still stuck there but more visible to him now.

until finally finally, he relaxes. spent and exhausted. too afraid to open his eyes and face the lamplight, face what could be in eddie’s expression. he drifts..

eventually he gets up, blows his nose and splashed water on his face, turns off all the lights and get back under the warm blanket. fills his lungs. sighs. whispers, ‘m’sorry’

‘don’t say that. there’s nothing to apologise for’ eddie’s so close, so warm.

‘no one’s supposed to ever, see that.. it’s okay if you want to leave’

‘steve. why the fuck would i leave you right now?’

‘who’d wanna date someone who acts like that? it’s. it’s not good eddie. but, but it’s okay. i’m used to being alo-.’

‘please stop stevie. your breaking my heart here. i want to stay, i want to be here with you. i really really like you steve.’ and steve’s cheeks feel wet again. he feels flayed open and young, like a little kid who fell off the swings and everything is different suddenly.

later later when eddie picks robin up from work she stalks in to where steve’s wrapped up on the couch. curls up into his side and exhales. she bites into his bicep. huffing a sad, annoyed little ‘dingus’ before grabbing his hand and fiddling with his fingers.

steve feels his eyes prickle again. looking up at the ceiling he croaks out a small ‘sorry.’ for the day. for everything. for anything he can be. and everything he can’t.

robin kneels on the sofa right next to him. growling a little and placing one of her hands at his sternum and the other at the same height on his back. like she’s forcing herself inside him, holding him together. her hands start to rub up and down quickly, frenzied and grounding for both of them. steve let’s his head hang. eyes closing at the sensation. he grunts. robin grunts back.

eddie joins. sitting at his other side. slipping a hand in steve’s hair, soothing his scalp with long scratching fingers. and steve humms, sighs, keens. eyes closed he drifts but not away from his body, instead into it. with gratitude, and warmth. at the centre of the two best things that ever happened to him. willing to try again. be just, better. never perfect.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

pt 3 snippet

a little happier for u @pearynice <3

ty @spectrum-spectre @vampyreddiemunson @fangirlycupcake @grandwretch for ur tags and additions, it was very inspiring

and tags for lovely @irethsune @willim-billiam-byerson @2jug2head

#hope this is okay #i know the comfort isn't like loads but #unmasking is fucking hard #and hes simply doing his best #autistic steve harrington #steddie #platonic stobin #hotlunch #my fic #steve harrington needs a hug #but he gets one so its okay #feel nervous about posting this but let’s fucking go my dudes #pls let me know if u like it 👉👈

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where-is-tom-scott-today · 8 months

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#submission #hope this is okay

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nooneherebutusghosts · 8 months

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I think he knows what you're looking at, Casey.

I saw this post by @foxslightsaber and had to doodle something silly with it. Thank you for the inspiration lmao

#cloneshipping #cloneship #clonecest #ghost draws //#I could only see this happening with these two ehqweiqihe #hope this is okay #hardcase/dogma

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plulp · 8 months

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im so glad we all agree avery has white hairs

#my art #dol #avery the businessperson #ugh the EVERYTHING is so hard to design #i HATE designing. cant even make my own ocs BEE TEE DUBS #i hate colors too #hope this is OKAY #maybe ill change it later im not sure #i wanted to make their hair more Gray but uwwaaaaagghhhh #tried a lot of things #but this seemed to work fine #oh but all white does look kind of awesome #but i dont know #if any of you have any suggestions ill be glad to get them #OH MY GOD. it was so hard not to draw The American Psycho or Hannibal. you dont understand #i dont know how to color the suit so :(

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patrickoharaandco · 4 months

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Cygnus Dolohov walked into the chamber where he knew he'd find his wife. Initially she hadn't been so receptive to him but he'd managed to bring her around. He'd gifted her lots of pretty, if partly see-through dresses for her to wear.

He put his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her neck teasingly. "Hello my love." He whispered into her ear as he pulled her body close to his own.

@vintagemoss

#hope this is okay #vintagemoss #look at me writing starters

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welcometothevale · 9 months

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@continuingthefamilyname send 😖 (Myra and Cameron)

😖 My muse feels guilty after accidentally hurting your muse

"Fuck! I'm sorry!" She got to him in three strides. She'd disposed of the vampire that thought it was a good idea to mess with her. Some of them found her to try and kill her for the reputation boost amongst vampires. And she'd gotten Cameron hurt because of it.

"Um, here." She tore her usual black tank top off and wrapped it around his forearm where she'd accidentally cut him while going after the vamp. "Are you okay? We need to get you to a doctor." He'd been kept from this kind of dangerous life, and she brought trouble to him. Maybe it was time to get out of town. She'd already gotten rid of the nest here, but she'd stuck around because Cameron with nice. His family was nice.

#continuingthefamilyname #hope this is okay

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rentsturner · 4 months

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blurb about a rough punishment? your choice xx

god there’s so many things I could do for this

With punishment, I think Alex is usually quite playful, doesn’t give you really serious punishments unless he’s really pissed. Yeah, you get spanked pretty often for teasing him, there’s a lot of edging and denial, but it’s never much worse than that. But that’s when Alex is in a good mood. When he’s in a bad mood, well that’s different.

Maybe you flirted with someone else at a bar, ignored Alex all night just to talk to some random guy, knowing it would rile him up and wanting to find out what Alex has in store for you. And it worked. Alex is angry, really pissed, his eyes dark, his gaze only on you and your poor target all night.

You can tell he’s angry on the drive home from the way he doesn’t say a word, just grips the gear stick with white knuckles. He hadn’t even said goodbye to anyone at the party, just grabbed your waist at midnight on the dot and practically dragged you to the car.

Now you’re kneeling naked on the floor at the foot of the bed, while Alex crouches behind you, his long fingers tying your arms securely with loops of rope. He yanks your hair back harshly, pressing his lips close to your ear.

“Such a fucking brat. Flirting with that guy all night, right in front of me, little slut.”

You moan at his words, almost ashamed at how the names make you wet, Alex’s deep voice angry in your ear.

“Al, please…” you can’t help but moan, craving his touch. But he just laughs.

“Oh? You want me now do you? Well too bad. You aren’t getting any pleasure tonight. Nah. I’m just gonna use you.”

He strides round so he’s stood in front of you and you look up at him, his eyes dark, mouth curling into a mean smirk, strands of dark hair falling over his forehead. He takes your face in his hands, stroking your cheek gently. Then he unbuckles his belt, undoes his zip and takes out his cock, pumping it right in front of your face.

“Open.”

He taps the head of his cock on your lips, pushing it past them as you open your mouth eagerly. Usually he starts off slow, lets your throat get used to the stretch, but not today. One hand cups the back of your head, the other pulling your chin down to open your mouth wider as he fucks harshly into your mouth. His tip brushes the back of your throat and you gag around him, but he doesn’t relent, pistoning his hips back and forth until you’re drooling down your own chest.

All you can taste, smell, feel is Alex. The hot weight of him on your tongue, his musky smell, his pubes tickling your nose, his grip tight on your hair, his deep groans whenever his tip slips past the back of your throat. You can tell he’s close by the way his cock begins to twitch in your mouth and you close your eyes, waiting for his load to spurt down your throat. But instead, he suddenly moves away, pulling out of your mouth, pumping himself roughly.

You watch him, wide-eyed, drool dripping from your chin, as he throws his head back in pleasure, twisting his wrist and cumming all over your chest.

“M-mine.” He pants, admiring the way his cum paints your skin.

Then he tucks himself back into his trousers, tidying himself up and shrugging his suit jacket back on. You whine as he grabs his car keys and walks towards the door.

“Al, no, wait-“

“Sorry, darling. I realised i never said my goodbyes at the party. I think I’ll go back for a few hours, spend a bit more time there. You’ll have to stay here, since you obviously aren’t well behaved enough to come with me.”

“But, Al, you can’t just leave me like this.”

“Oh I can. And I will. Maybe if I’m feeling nice when I get back, I might untie you before I go to bed. How does that sound?”

#hope this is okay #it’s not very rough but #if you want something more rough I can do that #just lemme know #asks #Alex Turner x Reader #Alex Turner #arctic monkeys

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do-it-for-the-fandom · 22 days

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Fic prompt: 3x13, Castle takes Beckett home and they make out as soon as they get inside her apartment, where it goes from there is up to you 😮😁

Not a word had been exchanged between them: not as they left the scene; not as she drove him back to her apartment instead of his; not as he followed her upstairs, into her home and toward her bedroom. And now, as they stood - still in absolute silence - his gaze burned like flames against her skin; like the room was burning down around her, fire stealing the oxygen from around her.

But he could save her.

His touch - knuckles grazed gently along her cheek, the pad of his thumb to her bottom lip - it could soothe the burn, heal her scars and right their wrongs.

Because, yes, she was well aware that every part of this was wrong. An act of treachery, of faithlessness. If she crossed this line she would lose everything. She would lose the man she was certain she could love.

But could love just didn't compare to did love. Castle was the man she did love, despite trying so hard not to.

In this moment, she couldn't - for the life of her - remember a single Goddamn reason why she had tried so hard not to love him.

Castle leaned in closer, the inches between them slowly dwindling away, and (for a short moment) she wondered if he was braver than her, if he would be the one to take this final step over the line the had tiptoed for so long but never dared to cross. Not without the guise of undercover to keep their innocence, anyway.

"Why am I here, Kate?" he whispered and her eyes fluttered shut.

He knew exactly why he was here. She was tired of pretending: they both were. Tired of pretending that this thing between them was nothing more than platonic. Tired of pretending the bodies that filled their beds at night were anything more than a stand-in. Tired of pretending that they weren't aware that the exact thing that they needed, that they craved, could be found in the person standing right by there side all this time.

Tonight, in the midst of chaos - when her mind was a frenzy, her heart pounded erratically and the fear she felt for her team coursed like ice through her veins - he calmed her, made her feel safe. He felt like home. She needed that.

Needed him.

With just the slightest tilt of her head, her lips brushed against his. Soft, nervous; not at all like the kiss they had shared just hours earlier. She was giving him a chance to pull away, to stop this before it went too far but he didn't.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her body against his; his other hand weaved through her hair.

It didn't take long for caution to be replaced by heat: by their shameless need for one another, for more touch and less clothes; by the pinch of teeth on flesh, soothed by peppered kisses and gentle tongues; by breathless moans and pleasured sighs that filled the air as they became one and danced oh so carelessly past the point of no return.

Yes, every part of this was wrong.

She didn't want to be right.

#anon request #hope this is okay #it went a little haywire and strayed from the actual request sorry #more focused on the thought process I guess?#castle fanfic #my drabbles #3x13 alternate ending fic #kate beckett #richard castle #caskett #kate beckett x richard castle #castle fanfiction #tw: cheating

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libroseitm · 3 months

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I wrote a note to myself on how to navigate this slightly sketchy time in the campaign, writing things down helps me think more affectively and to remember what I've thought about. As I was reading it this morning, I wondered if others would find it useful, so I changed the writing slightly, here you are:

. I know a lot of people have said it already, but it needs repeating over and over: if you feel burnt out, take a break. It's okay. Many of us have invested a lot of time into this campaign over the last two weeks. It's natural to want to slow down or step back. If you're struggling to take a break, think of it as a strategic rest- you're resting so you can come back stronger and more motivated than before.

. If you want to interact with the people who run large accounts, avoid using phrases along the lines of "I trust you", "I rely on you", "you always do the right thing" etc. At best this kind of language puts undue pressure on the person, at worst it sounds threatening. Try to stick to "[a specific thing you did] helped me today" a simple "thank you", or sending them something lighthearted to help them smile.

. Understand that while many people are taking breaks and feeling de-motivated at the moment, the interaction on your posts will likely go down. I know hardly any of us are doing this for clout or likes, but the sudden change in the amount of interaction can be jarring, and it's natural to feel weird about it. It's important to not rely on others for your motivation and make sure you're doing this purely because you want to.

. Others are not responsible for our motivation and vice versa, we are not responsible for theirs. However, if you are online and want to help, you can like, comment, QRT/reblog the posts that have little to no interactions. Make sure if you're QRTing/reblogging to add the tags. You can find these posts easily by searching one of the tags: #saveOFMD, #RenewAsACrew, #AdoptOurCrew, and put the "latest/newest" filter on.

. To put into perspective why you may be feeling strange: We celebrated the highly anticipated ads along with many of the cast and crew. That was incredible. Then, without warning to anyone, DJ put out a beautiful and hopeful message thanking us and involving us in the shopping process. While this was so very wonderful, it also turned the campaign around in a complete 180. While this was going on, the RAAC team needed to have a change of leadership. The reason for this change isn't something we need to be concerning ourselves with, or trying to speculate on. The point is, they were not available to provide guidance because they weren't able to anticipate the sudden nature of the change (not blaming DJ at all, the timing was just a bit rubbish). Responsibility fell onto Jac who has said from the beginning that they are uncomfortable with being in a main leadership role. That boundary was pushed and broken. In turn, through no single person's fault at all, things got confusing and stressful. So no, you're not weird, crazy or silly for feeling worried, scared or upset.

. And finally to end it on a high note, tonally, OFMD is a silly and lighthearted show. While important aspects like representation of various groups is the main reason we like it so much, the other huge reason is that it makes us laugh. In my opinion, this is why we're such a chilled out fandom in general . We're all here to have a good time. So let's make some memes! Let's share funny scenes! Let's be silly, and have fun! Not only does this get you posting and using the hashtags, it'll help you to laugh, and it'll help to lift this weird vibe we've got going on at the moment.

#Hope this is okay #I really needed to tell myself these things so thought other people might find it helpful #OFMD #Our Flag Means Death #Renew As A Crew #Save OFMD #Adopt our crew

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