#honeymoon phase being over or whatever and actually made my peace with it for a while

[starssgalore]

Get out, please; jungkook x fem!reader

A/N: It's here... after a few days of writing and editing, I'm done.

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of smoking, pure angst

1.7k words

tags: @cordelia456

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Rainy nights at your apartment follow the same schedule every time. Quiet 2000's R&B playing in the background, a lavender candle drifting through every room, and the soft rattles that come from every drop that hits your window. Rainy nights were always peaceful, nothing to disturb the constant sound and scent that lights up every time during the rain.

But tonight will be different. You can't help but be nervous about tonight, so many things can go wrong. Your entire life was about order, this rainy night routine is just for fun, it's almost like you need to have it like this. And if something even deviates out of the plan your mind just shuts down. You can't even complain if something goes wrong, this whole talk you're about to have with jungkook is your fault.

2 years ago

"Jungkook! Slow down!" "Hey! I'm not slowing down anytime soon!" Yelling on the race track trying to communicate with your sweet, caring, and charming boyfriend of 4 years. This was all his idea to go go-kart racing. Of course he's winning, but still it's a nice idea to go out on the weekends with each other. Being in your last year of college was hectic, and having a boyfriend during the whole thing somehow made it better.

Having a person you could vent to or help relieve stress was nice. Feeling not lonely during your freshman year was definitely a game changer. Jungkook was one of the nicest people you've ever met in your life, and to have him besides you was a dream. But even with all that lovey-dovey honeymoon stuff it still doesn't erase the guilt you feel every time you guys hang out.

Two months ago you caught Jungkook smoking again. He promised he would stop and when he didn't it was a problem. It's not your business to be in his but you just felt like you were looking out for him and not badgering him. But obviously Jungkook felt a different way about the situation. That night he stormed out and went to some bar.

But in a moment of weakness and just needing someone to lean on, you turned to someone else. A one night stand is all it was. But the morning you two had made up and what's the point of bringing up something that would cause another huge argument?

Present

Every time you hang out the more and more it eats at you, you started picking up smoking. The same thing that caused this whole mess. But the only person you can blame for this is yourself.

Now you need to focus on what to do. You can't sit and dwell on the past anymore, just sitting and waiting, praying, wishing that you never have to bring this up and be in your honeymoon phase forever. To never have to leave his arms or forget his scent, even the way he talks.

"Honey! I'm home!" Jungkook yells out as he takes off his shoes and starts walking over to your door. The sound of footsteps grows closer and closer as your anxiety rises. All you can do at this point is reassure yourself that nothing can go wrong. Even though that's probably a lie.

"Hey? Did you not hear me... I'm home?" "Oh, yeah sorry I was just zoned out or whatever. But how was work?" All you can do is deflect until you have time to finish thinking this over. "Um it was fine, you know, going to practice with Jimin and J-Hope, then going to some meetings and then coming home to my precious girlfriend." He pinches your cheek at those last two words, your normal response would have been something along the lines of stop it or your my precious boyfriend but tonight all you can do is put on a fake chuckle and smile.

"Hey is everything alright? You usually have a more uppy vibe, even when it is raining." Shit. "Um, actually I wanted to talk about something real quick." The air around started to slowly dissipate, the temperature in the room had risen to what felt like an all time high.

"So baby," you grabbed his hands hoping jungkook's touch would calm your jitters down, "you know, when I caught you smoking again and we had that big argument. Right?" "Yeah I remember it, why?" Jungkook's confused tone makes you wonder if you should do this, if you jeopardize this relationship. "Um so that night you left, and when you did I called up one of my old highschool friends. You know you have someone to talk to about this-s." Jungkook pulls you closer as if he could tell that you're trying not to break down.

All that comes out of your mouth now is a series or siren sobs. Tears flow down like a newborn river, the guilt you've been holding onto flows out effortlessly. "I-i got drunk-k and I c-cheated. It w-was a one one night stand though so." Jungkook's arms drop from around your back, you can feel his body run cold. Slowly the life from his face is drained and sucked away, eyes emotionaless as if he's seen a murder happen in front of him.

"J-jungkook... b-baby? Baby are you there..?" It’s quiet on his end. No response, just a dead stare at the silk white bed sheets. Tears slowly start to run off Jungkook's face, small sobs slip out of his mouth, each one causing more heartache and pain than the last. “Please, baby. I still love you. I just need someone to lean on and y-you were g-gone…” “Ok! Just because I'm gone doesn’t mean you go hook up with someone?!” “I-I’m sorry ok! It was a mistake, please baby just take me back..” Clasping onto his arm, Jungkook starts to stand up. Is he leaving? Please god, if you're by yourself you have no idea what you’ll do to yourself, “Jungkook,” you start to chase after him, “Please, just listen to me.” “Listen?! Are you fucking insane? You just sat here and lied to me for 2 fucking years and then expect me not to be distraught or pissed off about it.”

You're sure at this point the neighbors can hear you but you don’t really care. All you can possibly care about is getting the love of your life, the center of your world back. “I never said you couldn’t be upset or pissed off, I just want you to listen to me. I had a one night stand and you're acting like I shot your mother.” “Maybe because you were the love of my life, one of the biggest parts of my world. One of the main reasons why I get up in the morning when I know the day will be shitty. The one person I could come to and talk about how annoying my co-workers are or even just sit by you and we both say nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. Maybe that’s why I’m pissed off.” Nothing is said for the next few seconds, pure silence as if the world has stopped moving.

“I mean it’s almost as if you don’t care about me. Like you just thought I might just bounce back. Y/N,” You look up facing his tear-stained face, “I can’t love you anymore. And I don’t think you love me anymore either… or you can’t love me anymore after this.” ‘I can’t love you anymore…’ Nothing in the world could comfort you. Each second that passes by brings more and more guilt and grief out of you. Your legs start to wobble, the room feels like it’s on a carousel, and it won’t stop turning. You can’t do this anymore, you feel physically sick just standing here nevertheless in front of your past lover. “Jungkook, I need you to get out.” You whisper, “Y/N… what did you say.” “I need you to get out.” Praying that you don’t sound weak or vulnerable, one thing you hated between you and jungkook’s relationship is how he would mock you.

He would put on the sickly puppy tone that was supposed to be you. Though it was funny or cute sometimes, it would get very annoying when you were trying to be serious. This solely stems from your parents and how you never really took the intuitive to stand up for yourself, to voice your own opinion. So now when every you would try to voice your opinion Jungkook would come around with that horrid tone and mock you, like a child.

“Please just get out, I can’t do this.” “What do you mean, you said you wanted to talk and then you lay this on me without me even getting a chance to say something?” “What are you even talking about, you went on that whole rant about how much you loved me and cared for me? Now you're saying I didn’t even give you a chance?” Is he really trying to turn this into an argument, “Well I don’t think that was me voicing my whole opinion but.” “No, there’s no but. What I did was wrong, and we both acknowledge that now it’s time for us to go our separate ways. So please, just leave.”

Why does he always have to be difficult and stubborn, just leave. But with Jungkook it’s never easy to just put an argument to rest. “Fine I’ll go, but once I leave I’m never calling you again, contacting you again, even interacting with you again.” “Leave your keys on the way out please.” “Peace Y/N.” And with that he was gone, the love of your life.

Your knees gave out the moment the door locked back in place as if the only thing keeping you from falling was Jungkook. But now, he’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. You could cry which wouldn’t really bring him back but it’s better than being a shell of nothing. "Why me? I mean, I cheated but i-i thought he would understand-d." You mumble out from your tears.

"Maybe we weren't meant to be, you know. Fate just got the wrong two people." All you could do is just sob. Mourning a loss that was still there, a loss of love.

A/N: I've been wanting to write some angst, (you could kinda say that most of my stuff is but...) anyways, I think this is ok, not the best though. But as always,

xoxo,

Hoshi 💫

#x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop imagines #kpopidol #kpop #jungkook x female reader #jungkook x reader #bts jeon jungguk #jungkook #bts fic #bts

[sirisuorionblack]

Hiya! I love your writing so much 💜 May I pretty please request a sirius x reader imagine where they have passed the honeymoon phase of their relationship and now struggles with opening up to each other emotionally. Happy fluffy ending where they promise to love, protect and comfort each other?

I hope you have a lovely time wherever you are! Much love 💜

Until the very end

Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Warning - Cursing.

Summary - Realising you are in love is tough and expressing it is quite difficult. But for Sirius Black, it happened in a short period of time and in the place where he would have never expected to confess his undying love yet he promises.

A/N Ahhhh THANK YOU SOO MUCH! I had fun writing this although I cried a bit in the end, curse my emotional personality. I had to take some time to understand how you struggle with expressing all the emotions in being in a relationship cause I have never done that so this is practically very much based on imagination and theory. Hope you like it!

Sirius Black. Your boyfriend of two months and within the short span of time he proved you what an amazing gentleman he could be all the while make you feel loved and cherished. It was beautiful being in his arms, kissing or not. Or just stand next to him, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you to his side as he casually chatted made you feel things that you couldn’t describe in words. All you knew was you wanted to be with him till the end of your life, all the worries and hurt long forgotten with just simple grins on your face.

And Sirius was in no good condition. He was over the moon after the first month of your relationship, he knew the moment you tightly held him in your arms while a tear rolled down his eyes that you were the one. The one who would make him feel loved, safe, happy, like the luckiest human alive. The one who acted as his best friend, a sibling, a parent and…a partner for the rest of his life. He craved to just simply old you in his arms after a tiring day rather than kissing feverishly. He wanted to mutter that it would all be alright and he is right there but gulped all the words of comfort in fear.

Sirius desperately hoped he could gather the courage to at least blurt those three words. How stupid of him to think he would get the courage in two months while he had waited two years to ask you out. He always heaved a huge sigh when he thought of it and today was no different.

“Look at that,” James said, staring at Sirius who had occupied the couch in front of the fire in the comfort of his common room. Sirius sat up straight from his hunched position, rubbing his hand and pried his eyes away from the dancing fires to his best friend’s warm brown eyes, “No one is attached to your hips. What a surprise!”

Sirius resorted to a small chuckle and stared at the fireplace again. James scrunched his eyebrows, the Sirius he knew, never, no matter what could remain silent for this long…unless he was asleep.

“You alright?” He asked, taking a seat next to him, “Are you guys fighting or something?”

The fright in his eyes scared James as Sirius hurriedly said, “No, no. Merlin, no,”

“Then what's wrong?” James asked, getting comfortable so that he was looking at Sirius with his full attention. The fire danced maliciously in his grey eyes. James would never not admire how striking they look but he never would admit it to Sirius.

“I…I want to tell her,” he said, and gulped, “I wanna tell her that, but, I just dunno how!”

“Tell her what?” James asked, confused.

Sirius looked at him weirdly and shook his head, “No wonder how Lily had accepted your date offers yet,”

“Hey!” James whacked him over the head. The two boys laughed later falling into a comfortable silence.

“Do you love her?” James asked, this time both of their eyes on the shimmering fire.

“I-I don’t think so,” Sirius sighed lightly, “It's not exactly love, you know. That would be an understatement,”

James whipped his head to look at him. “Not like the usual definition of love. That “I would die for you” and all that shit. It's more like I would live with you, hold you, protect you kinda…thing. It's like, I want to be with her for every second of my life and…do things, have things I never knew I needed or wanted for me,”

“Oh, Merlin,” James breathed, “Is this how I talk?”

Sirius looked at him for a second before laughing and pushing him jokingly, “Piss off,”

James chuckled, “I say you tell her. I am sure she would think the same way,”

Sirius looked at him, “You think so?”

“Nope. I know so,” he said, with that little smirk that Sirius had grown to find mild comfort in.

“How do I tell her then?” Sirius asked.

“Are you seriously asking me? And look what I did there? Sirius-ly,” He said.

“James,” Sirius looked at him warningly.

“Look, if it is anyone, I should be the last person for you to ask advice on how to tell a girl you love her,” James said, “I have been struggling on my own for years, mate!”

“Then should I ask Remus?”

“He would ask you to get a book for her and say “I fucking love you”,” James said.

“Right, then Peter?”

“Nope!”

”Uh, Marlene?”

“She herself is hanging on thin ice,”

“Alright then who!?”

James thought of it for a second before he said, “Think of it yourself you know, come up with a nice, new amazing idea!”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Where is Sirius?” you asked Remus the next morning in the Gryffindor common room.

“That shit is asleep like a log upstairs,” He mumbled.

You blinked, “Mr Potter, you gotta do something about your ward’s extensive cursing,”

James laughed as Remus rolled his eyes, “Of course, Mrs Black, I will ground him until he stops cursing.”

Your eyes widened at the name he called you. Mrs Black. You knew he wasn’t talking about Walburga Black but the feel of being Sirius Black’s was something new and exciting and beautiful. Something you loved and feared at the same time.

“Shut up, Mr Evans,” You said, wiping the smirk off his face and making him blush.

“Good Godric,” Remus shook his head looking at the two of you, “Just please for Merlin’s sake get going,”

You chuckled and walked upstairs, the sound of James saying Mrs Black echoed in your head. What would happen next? In a few days would he find you boring and leave? Will you confess…the actual feelings? What would happen then? When will it happen? The questions in your head were overwhelming and now you just needed to see Sirius.

When you reached the boys’ dormitory, you gently pushed the doors open and slowly stepped in trying to not make much noise.

Sirius laid asleep on his four-poster. His hair a wild mess on the pillow, his face turned towards the door, a small smile on his face. You tip-toed to his bed and crouched to your knees to look at him. He looked so peaceful and indeed sleeping like a log.

He looked divine. Relaxed yet gorgeous. You knew how much he impacted your life when you pushed away the hair on his face gently and leaned down to press your lips to his forehead. While you moved to pull the blanket over him properly, you felt him grab your hand with his eyes closed.

Holding your breath, you stood still for a second before realising he was still deeply asleep. He mumbled something strangely similar to “love you, puppy”, before shifting to lay straight on his back, his head inclined to the opposite side but the clutch on your hand never losing its grip. He held your hand as would at any other time.

You didn’t want to disturb him and you had no reason to either. You tried to gently pry his fingers but it was of no use as he woke up with a start. Looking around wildly before spotting you. He laid back on the bed, with his eyes wide open and looking at you accusingly but with a smile nevertheless.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

“It's OK, puppy,” he said, in his hoarse morning voice that you wished to hear for every day of your life, “C’mere,”

You took your place in his arms, snuggling closer to him. Sirius gently kissed your forehead, “Something’s wrong, my darling?”

“No,” you lied, moving closer to him. The warmth radiating off him was extremely comforting, those three words sitting on the tip of your tongue ready to slip out of your mouth any minute.

“Are you sure?” Sirius asked, shifting you in his arms so that the two of you were face to face. You nodded lightly.

With the mere months, Sirius had honestly get to know you rather than hiding behind and taking discreet looks, if he learnt anything it would be to identify every action of yours - he would immediately know if you were hiding something from him and usually Sirius wouldn’t pry the information but today was a different case. The hidden distress in your eyes was somehow blatantly visible to him, and he wanted that to disappear once and for all.

“Love, you know it’s okay to tell me anything, right?” he asked, looking intently into your eyes.

You let out a sigh, you could never hide anything from this boy, he knew every move of yours for your own good. You buried your head into his shoulder, his grey eyes too bright for you to look into.

“What is gonna happen next?” you mumbled. Sirius’ face took a look of confusion as he thought of it. What is gonna happen next?

“I dunno, get ready for breakfast?” He resorted to the more silly answer just to hear your laugh.

You pulled away to look at him, a beautiful smile on your face, “Not that, idiot. I meant like what do we next?”

Sirius leaned up to kiss your forehead, “Whatever my princess wants,”

“I love you,” You blurted without giving it a second thought. With wide eyes, you watched as Sirius' jaw dropped, a look of utter disbelief painting his handsome features.

In a state of panic, you scrambled to get out of the bed. Shaking your head, you muttered, “Forget it, forget I said that,”

“Wait, wait, darling!” Sirius threw the blanket away from him and stumbled to his feet. He rushed to you before you could leave the dorm and took hold of your wrist, pulling you flush against his chest. That’s when you saw it, the inexplicable amount of happiness mixed with disbelief in his eyes that would rival the stars themselves.

“Can you-what-can you say that again?” Sirius said, his eyes watering as he leaned down to place his forehead against yours, gently.

You wiped your own tears, taking his face in your hands as you whispered just for him to hear, “I love you,”

A dry sob escaped Sirius lips as he smashed his lips to yours, his arms around your waist tightening as he kissed you passionately with all the love poured into. He pulled away to look at you in the eyes, his chest blooming with pride and love, engulfing his entire being.

Sirius peppered your face with kisses and pulled away to look into your tear-filled eyes, “I love you too, puppy. I always have and always will, until the very end,”

“Until the very end?” you asked, smiling widely.

Sirius tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “Until the very end, darling. I still don’t know what we are going to do next but I know whatever it is, it’s going to be with you,”

You leaned up to press your lips to his, letting the two of you drown into the pure mixture of love, bliss and happiness.

And Sirius Black finally understood the feeling of being loved and loving someone.

#Sirius Black #sirius black x reader #sirius orion black #sirius black x fem!reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black imagine #sirius black fluff #sirius x y/n #sirius x you #sirius x reader #sirius x fem!reader #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #marauders era #harry potter

[2manyfandoms2count]

Alix's rom-com night

The June event of the @mlwritersguild was to create bonus content for one of our fics - I decided to seize the opportunity to finally sit down and write one of the bonus scenes of You can count on me (I will be there for you), and to do draw a bit of fanart to go with it (4 panels, including a Marichat piece)! Let me tell you that the Burrow is a pain to draw, but I'm actually quite proud of the result :)

About YCCOM: It's an aged-up, one-sided reveal with "fake" wedding fic, based on Sallteas' art. The fic is 9 chapters and 20k words long. It was written before season 4, so it's no longer canon compliant in terms of who knows who's identities at the beginning.

Synopsis: Ladybug's identity is compromised, and somebody is after her. After a lot of pondering, she and Chat Noir come to the conclusion that her best bet is for her to marry Adrien Agreste. It breaks her heart that she is not marrying Chat Noir, but she knows that she's buying them time to figure out who is behind the anonymous letters she's been receiving, and hopefully to find Hawkmoth. Whatever the situation might be, her wedding day should provide a moment of respite. And maybe it would have, had Chat Noir refrained from coming to visit her just before the ceremony...

About Alix's rom-com night: it's a one shot that's chronologically set before the main fic, but I recommend reading it after reading the latter since it contains spoilers for it. It follows Alix (obviously), and includes Ladybug revealing her identity to Chat Noir and the set up of their "fake wedding" plan.

Hope you enjoy!

---

Alix opened her door and dropped her keys in the bowl as she kicked off her shoes with a satisfied sigh. Home, sweet home.

Her studio apartment wasn’t very big, but then again, she didn’t need a huge surface when she had a whole extension waiting for her just a transformation phrase away. She’d mentally thanked Marinette more than once for choosing her to wield the Rabbit Miraculous, rather than somebody else, just for the savings she made in rent.

She whistled happily as she made her way to her kitchen area, grabbing a bag of popcorn out of a cupboard and shoving it in her microwave.

She deserved the treat. She’d been running around all week, trying to slide letters to her targets without being spotted, spending hours on end to find the perfect stationary, and then staying up at night to get the wording exactly right, a delicate mix of subtlety and threat to elicit some sort of response from them. It had taken a lot of trial and error, especially for Ladybug. Her friend had always been surprisingly oblivious on many fronts, and it seemed that her honeymoon phase with Chat Noir reinforced her optimistic ability to brush ominous details aside. It had taken three letters for her to start freaking out and to promise Tikki she would talk to her partner about them, whereas Hawkmoth had started the analysis phase upon the first one he’d received.

Alix had only been mildly surprised by the identity of their nemesis when she’d decided it was high time she knew who they were facing; it was all too fitting that the man who leached off Paris’ most intense negative emotions should be the most embittered person she knew, and the one who, in retrospect, had been the cause of many an Akuma (she still shuddered at the what-could-have-been of Chat Noir’s akumatisation).

The microwave dinged, bringing her thoughts back to her timeline. She took the bowl out and called for her Kwami.

“Fluff, clockwise! Burrow!”

A white portal appeared in the middle of her living space and she walked through it, emerging in the ovoid room covered in screens. She made her way to the furthest point, hung her umbrella up on the coathanger she kept in there, and grabbed a folding chair. It was a director’s seat which supposedly had belonged to a rising name in the cinema world before their career had been shot down for obscure reasons, but she didn’t really care about its story; she’d bought it for a very low price at a yard sale, and that was all that mattered to her.

“Right, where are you…” She muttered, scrutinising her surroundings, until she found the screen she was looking for.

She unfolded the chair, zoomed in on the empty (for now) rooftop, propped down in her seat and threw a fistful of popcorn into her mouth, waiting for the show to start.

Unsurprisingly, Ladybug was the first to arrive on the scene. She paced around, mumbling to herself as she wrung her hands together. Alix felt a pang of guilt as she watched her rehearse how she would break the news to her partner, but reassured herself that the ordeal would soon be over.

Finally, Chat Noir landed beside Ladybug, and she flung herself at him, holding him so tight he had to untangle himself from her arms to breathe.

“Well, well, well, my Lady, I know I couldn’t make it to patrol last night, but I didn’t think you’d miss me this much,” he chuckled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Alix rolled her eyes at just how lovestruck he looked as he did so. How could her friends be so sappy, and yet still be at square one in terms of knowing who the other was?

Some might have said that it was romantic, that they loved each other regardless of who they were; but those people did not have to deal with the constant end of the world threat.

“What was so important that you couldn’t just text me?”

Ladybug took a deep breath. Her fingers slid along his arms as she relaxed her embrace, taking his hands in hers at the end of the line. “Somebody knows my identity,” she said quietly, looking down. “And I don’t know who they are.”

“What?!” Chat’s voice detonated in the previously peaceful quiet of the evening, making a couple of pigeons take off in a loud flutter of wings.

“I’m so sorry, I must have been careless when I got home one night, they must have seen me, I bet it was last week when I was tired and I-”

“My Lady, no offence, but I don’t care about the when and why, just... are you okay?” He tilted her chin up, gently turning her head to each side, checking for any signs of injury.

She placed her hand on his, making him stop, and gave him a soft, sad smile. “Yes, Chaton. Just a little rattled; you know you were the first person I wanted to reveal my identity to. Not including Bunnyx, although technically I never told her who I am.”

“And technically, I’m still the only person who knows who you are,” Bunnyx smugly commented between two handfuls of popcorn. “Now come on, I want to see how you react when you reveal your identities to each other.”

“How do you know somebody knows, though? And do you have any idea what their intentions are?”

Ladybug’s expression darkened. “I received some letters. They’re not signed, but they’ve got enough butterflies on them to make me think that even if they’re not from the biggest pest in Paris, then they’re probably from somebody who’s up to no good.”

Chat Noir swore under his breath, then regained his countenance. “So, what do we do now? Do you think we can hunt down the bugger?”

“We definitely will, but…” Ladybug bit her lip, and Alix leaned forward in her seat. This had to be it. “Chaton, I think the time has come for me to tell you who I am.”

“YES! Finally!” Alix cheered, almost spilling her popcorn bowl.

“Are you sure, my Lady?” Alix didn’t have to be on site to tell that Chat Noir’s heart was beating faster than usual; the corners of his mouth twitched as he repressed a smile, as though his excitement could make her change her mind.

“Yes.” She nodded. “I really want you to know.” In case something happens to me, Alix was pretty sure her friend had left unsaid.

“Okay, okay.” Chat Noir took a deep breath, buzzing with anticipation, so much so that he apparently missed the whole subtext of her previous words. “Do you want to do this now? And how do you want to do it? Do you want me to close my eyes? Are you going to write it on a piece of paper for me to read? Are you going to detransform? Should-”

“I was thinking the latter, and yes, now,” Ladybug said timidly. “Up to you if you want to look or not.”

“For some reason, I feel like I shouldn’t.” He took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles without breaking their eye contact, then took another deep breath and closed his eyes, a blissful smile on his lips. “Ready when you are, my Lady.”

“Ok, here goes.” She let out a shaky breath and called off her transformation. The soft pink glow engulfed her and receded, her suit melting away to reveal her true appearance.

“Wow, Marinette, you actually broke out your favourite dress for this? Glad to see all of this isn’t affecting your ability to think straight.” Alix smirked. If her friend had gone home after a long, stressful work day, and found it in her to change and doll herself up to make a good impression on Chat Noir, things couldn’t be that bad. She had to agree that her dress, simple, white, with little red hearts embroidered on it, was perfect for the occasion, though.

“You can open your eyes now, Chaton.” Marinette gave his hands a squeeze.

Chat Noir obliged, blinking slowly as he took in her appearance, her identity, her. Marinette squirmed under his gaze, his expression not giving away any of his thoughts.

“H-Hi,” she stammered when she couldn’t take it anymore. “I, erm, I guess I should introduce myself? We’ve run into each other before, when we were younger, and even if you actually had lunch with my family that one time, I guess it’s been a while… My name is-”

“Marinette. Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Chat’s smile finally broke free, spread from ear to ear, almost literally illuminating his face. Alix wondered if anything could ever wipe it off. Love and admiration twinkled in his eyes as he picked her up and started spinning her. Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling giddily, before Chat Noir closed the gap between their lips.

Bunnyx modestly looked away, allowing them to have their moment. Her eyes landed on a rerun of Plagg putting an end to the dinosaurs’ reign.

“I should have known that it was you, Princess.” Chat panted slightly as he carefully set Marinette back on the roof. “Everything makes so much more sense now, I-”

“Before you finish that thought, I can’t know your identity.” She placed her index finger on his lips. “Yet, of course.”

“What?” Chat froze, and so did Bunnyx, her hand pausing midway between the popcorn bowl and her mouth. “But why?”

“I don’t know what might happen to me, but I don’t want to put you in any danger.” Marinette cupped his cheek. “And I don’t want to lose my memories of you. Of us.”

“Oh for Kwami’s sake.” Alix rolled her eyes. “Boo!” She threw a fistful of popcorn at the screen as her friend continued to list all the reasons Chat couldn’t reveal his identity.

“My Lady, Marinette, if you’re worried about your safety, maybe we should do something about it. I could move in with you, or in a flat nearby, maybe, stay transformed or wear a mask at all times so you don’t know who I am, we can figure it out… Of course I know you can protect yourself, but I could stand guard while you sleep, or...” Chat raked his hand through his hair as he thought.

“You know I love you, Chaton, and that’s why I can’t let you do that! You can’t live like that, I can’t ask that of you. Not to mention how difficult it would be for me, do you really think I could resist having you so close, and not trying to get a glimpse of who you are?” She joked, trying to diffuse the sudden tension.

“Then we need to get you a bodyguard,” he insisted.

“I thought about it, but… Well, I can’t really afford it, and how could I justify suddenly needing personal security? I’m just a designer, and nothing I’ve ever done has been avant-garde enough that I should be worried about my safety.” She shook her head.

“Damn, I knew I should have targeted Chat Noir,” Alix swore under her breath. “He would’ve had to reveal his identity, and she definitely wouldn’t have been a pushover on her kitty’s protection matter. Come on Adrien, do something.”

She could tell that he was up to something just by looking at him. He’d been silent for a little too long for it to be natural. Cogs turned in his head, making him squint. He let go of her completely and paced around the roof, almost pulling his hair out as he did so. Alix sensed that whatever was on his mind was going to be big. She leaned forwards in anticipation.

Finally, Chat Noir came to a halt in front of Marinette, the fever in his eyes and his dishevelled hair making him look slightly unhinged.

“Buguinette, I think I’ve got a solution,” he whispered.

“You do?” Marinette’s voice was full of hope, although she looked slightly concerned about him.

“You’re probably not going to like it,” he warned her, lifting a finger.

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” She shrugged, taking a step forward.

“Right.” He gave her one last look, an opportunity to stop him before the words tumbled out. She nodded encouragingly. “Okay, here’s the thing. I have it on very good authority that Adrien Agreste is being pressured into getting married by his father.”

“I see Gabriel’s just as delightful as always,” Marinette shook her head.

“Unlike good cheese, he definitely doesn’t get better with time.” Chat smiled bitterly, eyes losing focus a little.

“What’s it got to do with us, though?” Marinette prompted, placing a hand on his arm.

“Oh, Agreste, you absolute genius, I think I know where this is going.” Alix took another handful of popcorn.

“Oh, yes, right.” He cleared his throat. “See, Adrien’s not dating anyone at the moment…” Right, Alix snorted. “And he’s not really planning on starting a relationship with his father breathing down his neck, but, well, he happens to owe me a favour, and I’m sure that he’d be more than happy to put his security detail to good use…”

“So you’re suggesting that I marry Adrien.” Marinette deadpanned.

“Well, er, I actually thought you could just date, but thinking about it… It would be less strange for you to request a bodyguard if your relationship was more serious…” He trailed off.

Alix was impressed by how well he concealed his emotions. His poker face was truly exceptional.

“And you think Adrien would be ready to marry me because of a favour he owes you?” Marinette crossed her arms over her chest, pursing her lips and squinting at him as she tried to pick at his lie.

Alix winced for Chat. Maybe he should have waited a bit before blurting out the (as it turned out) probably only sane option in that situation so he could work out all of the details for himself. Marinette was very good at trying to shake plans to see how solid their foundations were.

“Please. Adrien had a crush on you when you were younger, if anything I could probably smuggle it as another favour, given how perfect the fake scenario would be. Although I guess that since you also liked him… It might just cancel out.” He tapped his lip pensively.

“Adrien had a crush on me?” Marinette frowned. “Oh, you must mean Ladybug. I think Nino mentioned it once.”

“Well, yes, but he also had one on you, Marinette.” Chat stepped forward, mischief twinkling in his eyes as he poked her on the nose.

“Really, now,” she muttered to herself.

“The main reason he didn’t act on it was that he thought you loved somebody else.” Chat smiled ironically.

“Wow, what a pair of idiots.” Marinette chuckled.

“You don’t know the half of it.” He kissed her forehead.

“But you know what?” Marinette didn’t pick up on her partner’s comment. “I’m actually glad we didn’t get together. It probably would have delayed us getting together.” She pressed a peck to his lips. “If we’d gotten together at all in that timeline.” She smirked.

Alix snorted. Out of all the timelines she’d watched unfold in an attempt to keep things in check, there wasn’t a single one where Marinette and Adrien, Ladybug and Chat Noir, didn’t end up together, and not just because of her interventions to help them, and the rest of the planet, stay alive.

Marinette’s face fell at Chat Noir’s lack of response. Alix knew her friend didn’t particularly believe in soulmates, but she understood that she would have liked a sappy Chat Noir special comment on how he’d told her he’d grow onto her anyway, and that she would have soon discovered that the Agreste boy had nothing on him. She assumed that he was too busy restraining himself from saying the wrong thing.

“Actually… What about us, then?” Marinette cleared her throat and looked up at him, eyes glistening slightly in the half light.

“My Lady… If you really think that you being a divorcée will spur me away…” Chat Noir looked down at their entwined hands, locks of blond hair falling in front of his eyes, concealing his giddy smile from her. You sneaky cat, Alix thought.

Marinette followed his gaze, letting out a long sigh as she watched their hands sway lightly. Alix knew her brain was probably trying to find all the flaws in the plan. She crossed her fingers, hoping that it would be enough for her friend to accept. It was perfect, whether they got their act together and figured everything out before the event, or not.

“Fine,” Marinette finally said with resolve, making Alix mentally thank whoever was out there. “I’ll do it on two conditions.”

“Anything, my love.” Chat let out a sigh of relief.

“Firstly, we’re honest with Adrien from the get go. No lying about anything.” Chat nodded along. “Secondly, we get cracking on finding Hawkmoth, and after we do and the divorce is settled, if we even get that far with Adrien because obviously if everything is settled before the wedding we won’t be going through the whole plan…” Chat smiled fondly as she took a deep breath. “After all that, we are getting married.” She gestured between the both of them.

“My Lady, are you proposing to me right meow?” Chat Noir all but purred.

“I guess so.” Marinette shrugged, a smile and a blush spreading on her cheeks.

“Wow, then, I’m definitely putting Adrien in charge of the proposal planning,” he replied with a smirk.

“Chaton!” She stomped her foot, her mildly amused smile cancelling out her frown.

“What?” He teased her.

“Will you? Marry me?” She held his gaze.

“Do you even have to ask?” He chuckled. “You know, my Lady, I’m pretty sure that, in my head, we’ve been married since that speech you gave on the Eiffel Tower during our very first fight. Well, I’ve been married to you; you do whatever you please.”

“You’re such a dork,” Marinette laughed, brushing her nose against his and throwing her arms around his neck.

“And yet you still love me.” He pulled her closer.

“Unfortunately, I do,” she sighed dramatically before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Alix dismissed the screen. She’d seen what she wanted, and it seemed like a good place to stop; a happy, sappy ending. Also, she’d finished all of her popcorn.

Everything was on track, her friends would start their Hawkmoth hunt, and soon everybody in Paris would be able to live without fear of their own negative emotions.

(Of course, that was the theory; she’d soon find out that she’d underestimated Adrien’s will to organise the perfect wedding for Marinette, and that, my friends, was no small oversight.)

#miraculous ladybug #the miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #ml #mlb #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #miraculous fanart #alix kubdel #bunnyx #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #half-reveal #one-sided reveal #aged-up characters #elle writes #elle sketches #yccom

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Ten ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 4422

Warnings: Canon-level violence

**Read on Ao3 under the user “bonjour_rainycity” if you prefer!**

A/n Just so you know, I start playing a little fast and loose with ‘elf-lore’ right about here. Thanks so much for all your responses to the previous chapters! Happy reading <3

We retire early, each of us exhausted from our long journey. Elrond arranged rooms for us in his expansive home, which I found out is the heart of the city. I guess when you found a town, it makes sense that you get the largest estate. At Elrond’s instruction, a female attendant leads me up a flight of stairs and down a long hallway. She opens a door to my left to revel a large room with a four-poster bed, table, chaise lounge, couch, fireplace, and, through an archway to the side, a full bathroom. Pillows and blankets decorate every available surface and I notice a large selection of books and candles. After two weeks on the road, I want nothing more than to bury myself in this room’s amenities.

“Wow,” I breathe, unable to do much more in my state of awe and fatigue.

“Lord Elrond knows about your fear of heights and has placed you in one of the most innermost rooms of the estate. Your windows will offer you views of our waterfalls but you are nowhere near to the edge. I hope it is to your liking.”

I smile, my already present fondness for Elrond growing. Though, I do wonder which of my friends told him about my fear of heights. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

The attendant nods, leading me to a chest of drawers. “You will find clothing here and bathing provisions in the bathroom. Meals are three times a day and you may join the others in the common hall or request to dine in your chambers. If you require my assistance, I am in the room at the very end of the hall and to the right. I hope you sleep well.” She curtsies deeply and I wonder if I should do the same. Just to be on the safe side, I place one leg behind the other and squat, awkwardly attempting to mirror her movement. She puts great effort into suppressing a smile, but inclines her head in acknowledgment of my efforts before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

What am I going to do?

This place is dangerous. It’s terrifying. And yes, I feel relatively safe within Elrond’s walls, but he said it himself—just last month, orcs attempted to infiltrate the city. What if they try again, only this time, they succeed? And with some evil being on the rise? Nope, no way. I don’t think I can deal with that.

I throw myself facedown on the large bed, groaning in frustration. This world that I’ve only just accepted to be real is showing me just how real it is. The honeymoon phase is over. The rose-colored glasses have been lifted from my eyes, and what I see paints a dark, fearful scene.

Yet, even still…I cannot ignore the part of me that so badly wants to stay.

The people I’ve met here—humans, elves—does it really matter? Whatever they are, whatever I am at this point, honestly, does it actually, in the grand scheme of things, matter? Because I like them. I care about them. More than anything, I don’t want to leave them, to go back to a world of people I don’t know.

But danger and my friends are a package deal.

And I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle that.

I flip around into a seated position, letting my head flop into my hands.

I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m stressed. And I’m exhausted. Now, I need to sleep. Everything else can wait until morning.

I haul myself off the feathered mattress and drag my heavy feet to the chest of drawers. As far as sleep items go, I find only nightgowns, but they’ll have to do. It’s much better than sleeping in the muddied clothing I’ve traveled in for two weeks.

I change quickly and blow out the candles I rely on to light my room. I crawl into bed, pulling the thick duvet up to my ears. Before I know it, sleep calms my racing mind.

{***}

I wake in the mountains.

A roar, guttural and angry, comes from behind me and I throw myself into a sprint. I stumble over the uneven terrain, catching my foot on rocks and scraping my shins, but I keep going. Whatever I suffer running away is surely better than being at the mercy of the beast that pursues me.

Brown, gnashing teeth cut me off and I shriek, falling onto my back. An orc with its stinking, rotting breath descends on me, dagger cutting into my arm. I cry out not only in pain but in panic, for the blood that falls to the ground is not red — no, it is thick, dark sludge.

I’m underwater.

The sludge suffocates me. It fills my lungs and burns as it slides over my skin. I kick, desperate to get away.

Below me, a honeyed voice sings. It beckons to me, begs me to come deeper, to let myself sink. It promises safety, security.

It promises peace.

“Cosima.”

Haldir’s voice far above me sounds muffled as it travels through the murky waters. I snap my head up. I can’t see anything, only the darkness, but I know that if I can somehow get to him, if I can follow his voice, then I will reach the surface.

“Cosima!” Rumil shouts for me now.

My name, called in turn by each of my new friends, overlaps, drowning out the sweet sounds from below.

My vision darkens. I have gone too long without breath — I have to make a decision.

I kick my legs, propelling myself upwards.

{***}

I break through the surface, sputtering and gasping for air.

Light—harsh and bright orange—momentarily blinds me. As my eyes adjust, I recognize the puffy white duvet, the cool grey of the stone walls, the soft pink flowers cascading from the ceiling. I’m in my guest bed in Elrond’s house. I never left my room. I never lost to an attacker in the mountains. I never fell into the water.

It was just a dream.

Water—the roaring sound of the waterfalls—while muted, is still subtly audible in the background. And my dream—it was nearly exactly what I imagined before waking in Arda. The sound from the waterfalls must have triggered it.

Just a dream, I remind myself, trying to calm my racing heart.

A sharp knock disrupts the silence of the room and sends stabs of pain through my head — bad dreams and a headache, too, I guess. The knock sounds again and I groan, forcing myself to leave the coziness of my covers and pad on bare feet to the door.

It’s Haldir. He stands, hand still raised, in fresh clothes and even more armor than yesterday. His bow is slung over his back, a quiver and sword rest at his hips. I try not to let my thoughts get away from me with overreaction — surely this isn’t necessary for inside Elrond’s halls.

He lowers his hand, dipping his head briefly in greeting. “I—” he seems to notice my nightgown. “Did I wake you?”

I shrug and attempt to lean against the doorframe casually, still mildly disturbed from my nightmare. “I don’t think so.” Then, panic causes me to stiffen. “Have you been here long?” Did he hear anything? Oh, I hope not.

He shakes his head and I relax. “No, I only just arrived.” Whew. “I came to get you — Elrond wants to take a look at your arm. I also wanted to let you know, Glorfindel and I are going to visit a couple of the border stations and see if there are improvements to be made. I will be back late tonight.”

“Oh.” I blink. So he’s leaving. “But you only just got here.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Yes.”

“Well, don’t you want a few days to relax?”

He tilts his head to the side. “I have been relaxing — I’ve been on leave from my duties for three weeks now.”

I roll my eyes, recalling his constant state of watchfulness on our journey. “Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t call the trip we just had ‘on leave from your duties.’”

He huffs, but the beginnings of a smile tugs at the edges of his lips. “Would you please get dressed so I can escort you to Elrond? Glorfindel and I wish to leave within the hour.”

I fight the urge to make some snarky comment about his impatience and instead shut the door in his face, hurrying to get ready. My arm does sting — perhaps Elrond can do something about that.

The chest of drawers doesn’t offer much in variety, mostly just a combination of long dresses and a few tunic and legging sets here and there. I’ve been traveling in the same clothes for two weeks though, and a change in habit doesn’t sound too bad, so I opt for a sleeveless pale blue gown with a gossamer cape at the shoulders. I don’t look as ethereal as Lavandil would, but I suppose it will do. Using my fingers, I brush down the frizz in my hair as much as I can—a lost cause, really—and throw on a pair of cream slippers that no one will see anyway because of the gown. After splashing some water over my eyes and brushing my teeth, I throw open the door to find Haldir standing to the side, back to the wall, watching the coming and going of everyone who passes down the hallway. Always on duty. He acknowledges me with a stiff nod and gestures down the hall, falling into step beside me. When we reach the bottom of the staircase, he leads me to the right and through another open-air hallway.

He breaks the silence. “Is your room to your liking?”

I think back to my plush bed, trying to separate it from the dread and fear of my nightmare. “Oh, yes. As much as I liked sleeping under the stars, it’s nice to have a proper bed and all the blankets I could want. And a door.”

He huffs out a laugh, nodding in agreement. “That is the true indication of luxury.”

“And yours?”

His mouth twists into a grimace. “It is the height of visitor season here in Imladris, so I am sharing with Rumil. Aside from constantly putting up with my younger brother, it’s perfect.”

I freeze, turning to him. “Wait, you have to share? But you’re the one who’s supposed to be visiting, that’s not right. You or Rumil can have my room, I’ll stay with Alex—”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” he interjects quickly, jerking his head to indicate that I should continue walking. “I only meant to joke. I do not mind sharing a space with my brother.” Before I can respond, he changes the subject. “How is your arm?”

I raise it, feeling the skin stretch over the cut. “Stings, but it’s healing.”

“Elrond will be able to speed along the process.” He indicates that we should turn left down a new hallway. He leads me through a nondescript archway on our right and we enter a moderately sized semicircular room.

Elrond sits at a mahogany desk near one of the walls, writing furiously on a piece of graying parchment.  Upon our entry, he looks up, and the lines of stress on his brow melt into an expression of warm welcome. “Good to see you again, Cosima, Haldir.” He nods to each of us in turn and motions for us to join him at his desk. When we approach, Haldir bows his head respectfully, so I do the same. It’s strange to be in Elrond’s presence. He carries such authority that I feel small in comparison, yet he also leads with such kindness that it is impossible to not want to be around him. Based on all the visitors Haldir mentioned, I surmise that I am not alone in this assessment.

Elrond vacates his chair and gestures for me to sit. He comes to stand at my left and gently takes my arm in his hands. “I am sorry for the injury you suffered during the attack. That must have been quite jarring.”

Haldir rests a hand absently on the hilt of his sword, watching us from the other side of the desk. Likely, he too is remembering the ferocity of the attack — the lives he had to take. It must be hard, even if they were the lives of those trying to kill us.

“It was,” I agree, wincing slightly when Elrond unwraps the bandage encasing my upper arm. “As far as I know, my home doesn’t have anything like that.”

He smiles almost indulgently, crouching to more closely examine the gash. “But you would not remember if it did, no?”

I swallow. I hadn’t considered that. “I guess you’re right.”

He looks into my eyes then, and I feel so very young. “Every world has its perils. And every world has its joys. You cannot have one without the other—such is the way of life.”

I exhale shakily, turning my eyes to the ceiling. That’s sobering.

Elrond lays his fingers over my torn skin and mutters something in that language I so often hear.

I try to concentrate on the sounds, but can’t make out any specific words. “What is that?”

Since Elrond is still chanting, Haldir answers for him. “An Elvish healing incantation. Combined with the power in Elrond’s spirit, it should close up the wound.”

Tingles race through my upper arm and converge on my cut. I crane my neck, trying to see around Elrond’s hands. A second later, he pulls away. I gasp. All that is left of the cut is a thin, raised scar.

“What,” I murmur, prodding at the skin. Not painful, not even tender. What was just a two-day old wound now seems as if it happened and healed ages ago. “That’s impossible.”

Elrond nearly smirks, straightening to full height. “Open your mind, young one, and you will see that what is impossible to you is commonplace here.”

“I—” but I have nothing to say to that. Though I cannot possibly wrap my head around what just happened, the fact remains that it did. I’m not sure if I’m ready to confront what that means. So I push it away for later. “Thank you.”

Elrond inclines his head. Everyone around here is so dang respectful. “You are welcome.” With a twinkle in his eye, he turns his focus to Haldir. “Do not give my guards too hard a time. I imagine they are wary of your arrival.”

Haldir gestures for me to follow him to the exit. “I only plan on pointing out strategies for improvement. Suggestions, really.”

With a noise that clearly communicates his disbelief in Haldir’s statement, Elrond returns to his desk, smiling softly and shaking his head. “Be safe, Marchwarden. And Cosima?” I stop and turn, one hand on the pillar leading into his study. He gives me a level look and I have the distinct impression that he is acutely aware of the conflict raging within my head. “My door is always open.”

Mutely, I nod, a little stunned by the gravity in his gaze. I must have been staring, because it takes Haldir gently tapping my elbow to remind me to follow him from the room. Once in the hallway, I feel a little more clear-headed. “So was that magic?”

Haldir shrugs, striding down the long corridor. “Humans would think of it that way I suppose. Magic implies something special and ‘more than,’ though, and it’s not like that for elves. It is to be respected, yes, but it is simply the power in our spirits doing the work that calls to them. For Elrond, his spirit urges him to heal, so when he acts on it, he is more powerful than others who aren’t called to healing. I should mention that we say ‘spirit’ for your benefit. Elves use the term ‘fæ’. Simplified, it serves the same purpose as a spirit, but for elves, it plays more of an active role in our lives.”

I mull that over. It sounds reasonable enough. “So then what’s yours? What does your spirit—fæ want you to do?”

“Keep people safe. And if that means fighting, so be it.”

That seems consistent with what I know about him. Every action he takes seems driven by the desire to protect those around him. “What would happen if you ignored it? Say you wanted to be a healer like Baranor or Elrond.”

Haldir chuckles, resting his hand on the hilt of his sword as he walks. “I have tried before and I was not near as successful. I can perform the basics of healing—anyone can—but there’s no power within me to speed up the process or heal especially severe injuries like Elrond can. If I tried to attend to your arm in the same way he did, maybe it would have healed slightly faster? But as you saw with Elrond, he is capable of doing it in minutes.”

I begin to catch on. “Okay, so you can all learn whatever skills you want but the power to perform above and beyond at those skills lies in your fæ.”

He nods once. “Exactly.”

We turn a corner. “But what if you wanted to be a healer but you were born with the fæ of a fighter? Could you change it?”

Haldir takes a deep breath, his steps slowing slightly. I realize we are nearing the staircase that will take me to my room. “Short answer—no. An elf’s fæ is incredibly personal and incredibly fragile. Really, only two things can change an elf’s fæ: marriage and death. Long answer—you can ignore the desires of your fæ and nothing bad will happen to you so, technically, if I wanted, I could shun the need to keep my people safe and heal them instead. But I wouldn’t be any better at it than anyone else and I would feel unfulfilled because I wouldn’t be giving my fæ what it needs. Does that make sense?”

I nod, but something he glossed over jumps out at me. He said marriage can change an elf’s fæ, but from what I know, marriage isn’t always forever. People can separate, people can die, people can cheat. What then? “Marriage and death change a fæ how?”

A faraway look comes into his eye. “The two are basically interconnected. When elves get married, their fæs bond together in a way that cannot be undone. When it is—through death—the half of the fæ belonging to the dead elf essentially wilts and leaves the remaining fæ damaged.”

That sounds awful. “But what about divorce? Is that kinder to a fæ?”

Haldir smiles ruefully. “Divorce is something unique to humans. Elves live forever and we love only once. When we do decide to love another, the two fæs are literally entwined forever. So divorce is a physical possibility — the two can be separated, yes. But it would cause their fæs so much grief that it almost never happens. Spiritually though, the two are entwined until death, some argue even beyond then.”

I’m almost afraid to ask. “So, if one dies and the fæ is damaged…”

“The other fades. It is not just a physical death, but a spiritual one. They lose the will to live and eventually pass into nothing.”

I look at the ground. Haldir carries a pain in his voice that makes me wonder if he’s seen this happen before. With over three thousand years behind him, it’s likely that he has.

I attempt to veer to a safer subject. He said elves only love once and, as far as I know, Haldir isn’t married. I try to tease him a little to lighten the mood. “So you’ve never been in love?”

He raises an eyebrow, jerking his chin in my direction. “Have you?”

I shrug, climbing the staircase. “I wouldn’t remember.”

“I think you would.” We’re at the top now and I turn to see him looking not at me, but out one of the gaping archways showcasing the falls.

I let out a slow breath, thinking on his words. Would I, though? I mean, what if I’m here gallivanting with my new friends and I have someone at home mourning my loss, missing me? Do I owe it to him to make it back?

Feeling a weight settle on my shoulders, I take small, hesitant steps towards the archway, bringing me closer and closer to the fortified stone railing. I don’t look down—that would be too much—but I do rest my hands lightly against the wood, staring straight ahead at the curtain of frothy white and blue. Guilt as well as fear from being so close to the edge churn in my stomach. Am I a bad person for not remembering my love? Do I even have one?

I let out a shuddering breath, knowing I need something — reassurance or condemnation, I don’t know. I choose to give voice to my fears and trust Haldir to decide.

When I speak, my voice is not as solid as I would like, sounding instead shaky and fragile. “But what if I didn’t?” I swallow against the lump rising in my throat. “What if there’s someone in my world waiting for me and I can’t remember him?”

The sounds of boots clicking against stone echoes. A few seconds later, Haldir appears next to me, resting his hands on the railing, mirroring my viewing of the waterfall.

“An elf’s fæ gives them a measure of awareness. If you are really attuned to someone—love them, have a strong bond with them—your fæs will have a consciousness of each other, almost like they’re in communication. For example, I can see Rumil’s light and I know that he is content. I can feel Orophin’s joy practically bursting and I know how happy it makes him to be here with his love. And, while a human’s fæ isn’t as strong as an elf’s, you do have one. If I concentrate, I can see it. It’s faint, but it is there. All this to say,” he shakes his head slowly, turning his gaze to me. “If you had a love back home, your fæ would know.”

I slump in relief, leaning against the railing and closing my eyes so I cannot further frighten myself. If I had someone that I was bonded to, I would remember him — more than that, I would feel it in my soul. So, staying here…if it weren’t so dangerous…maybe it wouldn’t be bad.

“Haldir, Lady Cosima.” A confident voice at the end of the hall catches our attention.

Glorfindel, golden and gorgeous as ever, strides up to us, bowing deeply. He reaches for my hand and presses a kiss to its back, then straightens and winks—at me or Haldir, I can’t tell. “A human custom I thought I’d try. Not my cup of tea, but I do say I’ll try anything once.”

I bark out a shocked laugh, having not expected Glorfindel’s bold entrance. “Am I one of your experiments, then?”

“If you’d like to be.” He pumps his eyebrows suggestively, though, if what Haldir just explained to me is true for all elves, Glorfindel is only playing around.

Haldir rolls his eyes. “Are you ready to go?”

With a flair, Glorfindel gestures to his armored form. “So it seems. Is the Lady going to accompany us?”

I huff, not liking being cut out of the conversation. “No, ‘the Lady’ hopes to stay here and find breakfast.”

“Ah, it is on the path to the stables! Allow us to show you the way.” With that, Glorfindel strides down the hallway as quickly as he arrived.

Haldir shakes his head—whether in amusement or annoyance, I don’t know—but follows.

The three of us wind up in a large outdoor pavilion sheltered only by a wooden lattice rooftop woven with blue and white flowers. This must be the common dining hall Elrond mentioned last night. It’s relatively late in the morning but too early for the midday meal, so the pavilion is empty. I’m grateful—I’m not sure I could handle meeting a whole city’s worth of elves before I’ve gotten some food in me.

The use of the word causes a brief spark of shock to jolt through my chest. I just referred to them as ‘elves’.

But I cannot deny it any longer—somehow, it clicked. I am in a different world, and the people of this world are not all human. My friends are elves.

This decision to believe—though it is only one of many I must make—releases a weight from my chest. I suddenly feel much lighter, nearly giddy with freedom. I push forward and turn around to face the two ellyn who led me here, nodding with a measure of finality.

“You are elves.”

Glorfindel looks perplexed, but Haldir, for the first time since I’ve met him, looks surprised. His eyebrows shoot towards his hairline, his lips part from each other. I grin, very much enjoying the feeling of catching him off guard. He narrows his eyes slightly, seeming to inspect me for signs of teasing or a joke. I smile up at him, confident in my decision.

Glorfindel looks back and forth between what probably looks like an impromptu staring contest. “Yes…it must be time for you to eat. How often do humans need to eat, anyways?” He chatters on, leading us through the pavilion and into an auxiliary room — the kitchens. “I’ve heard horror stories of new humans needing to eat upwards of six times per day. How do its caretakers get anything done?”

As Glorfindel darts through the kitchen collecting what I assume to be leftovers and provisions for the trip, Haldir comes up beside me, looking almost unsure.

“You have accepted it, then?”

I nod, exhaling quickly. “I have. This isn’t a dream, this is real. Somehow I lived in my world and now I live in yours. And, though there’s no way for me to wrap my head around it, my new friends are elves.”

He smiles softly, hesitantly, and dips his head in acknowledgment of my statement. “I am glad.”

But, despite my momentary feeling of freedom, unease settles in my gut. Many more decisions lie ahead.

A/n Ooo so what do you think??? Likes, comments, and reblogs make me happy! Let me know if you would like a tag :) Also, if you’re bored, pop into my ask box and tell me something that makes you happy -- I’d love to know!

|next part|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff

#lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #haldir #haldir of lorien #haldir x oc #haldir x own character #haldir x own female character #tolkien elves #lothlorien elves #haldir fic #haldir fanfic #haldir fanfiction #lotr fic #orophin #rumil #elrond #ofc x haldir #haldir of lorien x ofc #haldir of lothlorien #lorien elves #rivendell #imladris #marchwarden #marchwarden haldir #haldir the marchwarden

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Spaces Chapter 26 pt. 1

Ok! I’ve actually decided to break the finale into three parts because its nearly 10 pages long on its own (I know I know) but I promise I’ll drop all three today!!

Warnings for excessive fluffiness, more fluff, and tooth rotting fluff

Tags: @rentskenobi @sunshinepascal @maybege @obaby-wan @princessxkenobi​ @agent-450​ 

Masterlist

They’re walking in a park, Butcher is a few steps behind, and its fall and it’s a little chilly and its everything about the season that Erica loves. She’s wearing that pair of black jeans she has that are just the right stretch; that she bought at some store four years ago that are just too comfy to let go of, a cream cable knit sweater that her mother gave her in high school and a camo print jacket that is reminiscent of a military blouse. Her combat boots from her marathon days are the finishing touch and she relishes in the utilitarian look she’s managed to cultivate. She’s added a beanie even though it isn’t quite that cold yet, but she’d wrap herself in the season if she could and Roman knows that by now so there’s no sense being ashamed. She’d managed to talk him out of his suit and he’s looking every bit a dreamboat in his dark wash jeans, a grey button down (that had been their compromise) and a black leather jacket that’s lined with wool (she’s certain Butch bought it, there’s no other way she hasn’t seen him wear it before).

They’re holding hands and every now and then Roman swings them with a little more vigor and it only takes about three random swings before Erica’s giggles turn into open laughter and his smile is getting bigger with every step. They’re practically newlyweds, she reminds herself. The service, though it was more of a random act of the stars aligning that got them married, (well that and Butch having the foresight to become an ordained minister) was only a month or so ago now, and for all everyone talked to her about coming out of the honeymoon phase, nothing has changed. His voice, and she can hear his smile in it, slips into the calm around them.

“I was thinking, we could take your jeans to the lovely woman who makes my suits. Knowing all she does, she could probably make you an identical pair with little fuss.”

Erica’s blushing again, she knows she is, and she’s about to answer before he speaks again.

“I don’t think you’d want her to break them in for you—but acquiring them is quite easy.”

The woman in question, well, she’s at least a foot shorter than Erica and probably a bit heavier, so the image he presents is quite humorous. Erica hides a giggle behind her free hand before looking to his face again.

“You needn’t love, I can attach myself to a new pair, I just haven’t worked myself up to it yet.”

“Exactly why you should let me, you already love these, and I love you in them.” His eyes leave the tree line, a painting of oranges, yellows, and brilliant reds, to find hers with a wink and smile as he finishes. She knows what he means, he’s always had a soft spot for her long legs and since they’re also her favorite part of herself she always indulges him.

“Very well, star shine, I’ll tag along on your next trip”

His eyebrows raise a little at this despite the fact her eyes have returned to the scenery, “that’s a new one.”

“Well, I’ve called you ‘husband’ so much lately I thought you might want me to mix it up.”

He stops walking and tugs her hand until she presses against him and threads her other hand with his as well, staring deeply into his eyes.

“If you never call me anything else, I’ll still never manage to grow tired of hearing it.” He sounds incredibly fond, a little lovestruck even but he doesn’t care, he loves her, always has, always will. No title will change it, but it does make his heart flutter a bit when she says it all the same.

She’s smiling now, dimples forming and eyes crinkling before she says “Marry me. Marry me again. Over and over and over again!” Each sentence is broken up by a giant grin and by the time she starts saying ‘over and over’ Roman’s thrown his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck to pick her up and spin her around while she laughs. He sets her down with a sigh, not loosening his grip in the slightest. They’re still holding each other close, Roman waiting for the slight dizziness to pass, when she starts raking her fingers through his hair. Butcher clearing his throat is what eventually breaks the moment. Sending it scattering away like the leaves that lay around them.

“While I’m flattered I did so well the first time, Hannah really will be upset to be left out a second time. Regardless of circumstances.” He manages to sound genuinely annoyed with them but when they turn to him, he’s already smiling, shoulders shaking from the effort not to laugh aloud. A beat passes before he gives up.

They’re all three laughing now, Erica taking the time to watch Roman as he does, his mouth open, loud laugh seeming to resonate through the air, wrapping her in warmth that she wouldn’t trade for the world. She pauses to think before voicing her thoughts:

“Roman, why not?”

He’s panting a bit from how hard he’s been laughing and re-tangles their fingers as he looks at her brightly “Why not what lover?”.

“Why not get married again? We could do it here, this afternoon?” Her eyes are on the far tree line and the field that’s before it “I’d always wanted a fall wedding, a long sleeved dress, Hannah could be my bridesmaid—” her brow furrows as she looks back to Roman “Would we need two witnesses this time? If it’s a renewal?”

Roman’s enraptured now, looking at her in wonder as a small “you did?” slips past his lips. “We never, we never talked about the details, just the action.” The whole sentence is barely above a whisper, but he knows she hears it. He’s the one who needs to hear her answer, desperate for confirmation, leaning into her space, hopeful gaze still locked with hers.

She’s bashful now, eyes falling to the ground to study his shoes. “Well, not till the last year or so, and certainly not before I met you.”

Roman reaches out to gently hold onto her elbows then, gradually moving up to her biceps, bringing himself closer, his eyes searching for hers. “But you thought about it?” he says it desperately. Knowing Butchers definitely close enough to hear their conversation but too absorbed in it to care.

Her eyes have found his chest, not quite brave enough for eye contact yet. “I did. It was always scary before, but,” then her eyes find his and they’re radiating confidence “not with you, you made it sound wonderful. Like I was being set free instead of chaining myself to someone to be used.” She finishes with a slight frown and he wants nothing more than to kiss the lines off her forehead, kiss the bad memories right out of her mind.

He knows how she felt about marriage before, she’d told him, how she feared if she married a man then she’d have no escape if he didn’t respect her asexuality, no way out. She’d thought of it as a death sentence more than a joining of two people. She’d confided in him after a while that were it a small ceremony (preferably a justice of the peace, over in a moment) she might be able to come around to the idea, but that a large wedding still made her skittish and probably always would. To know he’d taken all that away, shown her kindness to the extent that she believed in love again, even to the point that she’d go through with an actual ceremony not for him but because she wanted to; he might faint.

He’s gripping her arms firmly now, eyes glassing over, “You, you want to do that with- with me?” it’s said in a tone of disbelief and her lips are parting in shock.

“You thought I wouldn’t?” Her frown is deeper now, and he pauses to press a lingering kiss to her forehead, closing his eyes to savor it because he knows he’s a romantic and she makes him want to embrace it.

She lowers her chin a fraction to allow it and smiles to herself, waiting for Roman to collect his thoughts.

He breaks away, looking her full in the face. “I never wanted to pressure you, we’d talked about a ceremony before and, I wanted it to be whatever you were comfortable doing. I would have married you in a dumpster if it came to it!” He finishes desperately, hoping she can feel his sincerity. It is the truth; and he expects she knows it by the way her face is turning into a grin again and she’s finally pulling him closer by his open jacket. What he does not expect is for her to kiss him full on the mouth and to move her hands from his jacket to his hair and take advantage of his gasp to slip her tongue in his mouth. He’s quite sure that he can count their public kisses on one hand despite the years they’ve been together but he can’t be bothered to relive all that now, she’s kissing him, lips soft but persistent and not even Butcher’s presence is going to stop him from enjoying that. His hands are winding around her waist, his eyes slipping shut, and he’s kissing her back with a fervor to match the one she started with, angling his head and putting all the feelings he can into it. All the yearning for her that he’s done, all the desire to hold her forever, all the gratitude that she gave him a chance all those years ago, happiness at the moment they’re currently sharing, care for her, pining after her, love for her.

She tries pulling away twice and he chases her each time, his hand between her shoulder blades brings her back the first time, a hand in her hair the second, before she finally manages it, pushing against his forehead with her own and laughing breathlessly.

“You have to let me go if I’m going to get ready to marry you again”. Her grin is splitting her face and he moves to kiss her eyelids, watching her eyes flutter closed at the last second. He places the first kiss, softly as ever, “What if” he moves to kiss the second one “I don’t want to?”

She smiles softly again, “Well, then you can answer to Hannah about why we didn’t have her in our wedding.” It’s the ace, she knows it, and if her slowly growing grin isn’t obvious enough, the twinkling in her eyes says she’s caught onto the pun too and is eagerly anticipating his pointing it out. He does her the honor, and they laugh together, noses brushing, before he turns toward Butcher, still keeping her close enough to slip his hands into her back pockets. The man in question is typing on his phone but manages to look up after a few seconds, dryly asking

“Oh, are y’all done now?” He says it with such apathy any passer-by would assume they spent nearly every moment lip-locked but Roman shakes his head and continues smiling anyway.

Butcher’s eyes return to the phone, “I got in touch with my Sunshine”. He says it so casually, as if Hannah didn’t have another name, as if they weren’t about to have their three year wedding anniversary soon, as if they hadn’t been trying for a baby all that time, “She’s going to meet Erica at the store, Green’s on his way with the car. My Sunshine’s had all this planned for a while, Ms. Erica, you two can sort the details, I’ll take care of the boss.”

Roman has sincere doubt that Butcher’s darling is the only one who’s had this ‘all planned out’ (if their original ceremony is anything to go by, he’s certain he’s right). Nonetheless, he turns to Erica, giving her one last brush of their noses before pulling his hands out of her pockets and leaning away. “Well, wife“ the word is punctuated by an eyebrow pop, “I suppose I won’t be allowed to see you till this afternoon, any last words for your darling husband who may very well perish from the depravation?”

She’s laughing out loud now, hiding her face in her hands and he can’t stop himself from pulling her in for a hug by the shoulders, certain that the joy between them could power a city. She lingers in the embrace for a few moments longer before they both hear the car pull up in the quiet. When she pulls away her hands come between his arms and cradle his face, “I’ll count the seconds till I’m back with you.”

Its said quietly. Sincerely. With so much gravity that Roman almost regrets the teasing tone he had taken beforehand. She’s sliding away, walking backwards to the car—

“So far I’m up to three!!” It said with so much joviality, such a complete turnaround from three seconds ago that Roman can’t help the huff of air that he blows through his nose, looking away and biting his bottom lip, dragging his hands up to his hips, before looking back to her and raising a hand in farewell. She blows him a kiss and winks and his heart almost stops for the second (or was it third?) time that morning.

“Alright Butch” It’s a tone that reeks of resignation but if he’s honest he can’t wait to see what the man has planned, turning toward him, he opens his arms wide in a gesture of acceptance. “Take me away. Make me look pretty. Make me the prettiest boy you’ve ever seen.” He’s teasing now, maybe if he tries hard enough Butch will leave him here and he can get a cab and follow Erica, spend the whole day with her. Tell her she’s absolutely gorgeous in every dress she has on, that he really would marry her anywhere, that he can’t wait to get old with her, that--- He becomes aware of Butch snapping his fingers in his face.

“Ok I give up, just don’t drool in the car.”

************************************************************************

#asexual #ewan mcgregor #aces in spaces #original characters #original fic #original story #ace character #new chapter

[jamestaylorswift]

You're so mind-blowingly brilliant -- your posts never cease to make my day! I don't even have a tumblr account, but I check your page at least ten times/day, hoping for a new analysis. Reading your essay on "folklore"'s dreamscape felt like an acid trip in the best possible way. Please share your thoughts on the original "Cardigan" lyrics ASAP!

Thanks, anon! You’ve got me blushing like a damn fool over here 😊 You’re always welcome on this blog, lurking or otherwise!

Okay so this is more a line of reasoning that starts at the OG “cardigan,” not just lyric analysis. I’m not exactly sure how to organize all these thoughts so I’m just going to put them in the order that they came. Apologies if this is a mess. (And under a cut because I can’t shut up lmao)

To me, the OG “cardigan” is the antithesis of the song as we now know it. That got me thinking about how the core of the album might have been much different too.

The album-making process started with “my tears ricochet.” (I believe this song is from Karlie’s point of view, per the notes in the dreamscape essay.) I’m assuming Taylor didn’t edit this song much. She has implied in the past that a song is “written” when it takes musical form (i.e. lyrics literally get put to a track). The idea of a dead lover is also extremely compelling. She made “cardigan,” “seven,” and “peace” next.

It’s likely that these four songs represent folklore’s original ideological pillars. The common thread of Aaron’s three songs (both versions of “cardigan”) is the idea of age or maturity. “peace” and “seven” are age-related endpoints and “cardigan” is a midway point. “my tears ricochet” happens to be an endpoint (i.e. dying, as opposed to reaching an adult maturity).

From these songs, I extrapolate that Taylor wanted to explore emotional growth specifically by addressing Peter Pan and Wendy’s philosophical disagreement. (Also…veer off into gay childhood trauma.) “peace” is about the strongest argument anyone could make in favor of Wendy—growing up is necessary, especially in order to love and treat someone properly. (This song even argues for mutual maturity/understanding.) “my tears ricochet” is the fallout if two people end up fighting with each other, not for each other. OG “cardigan” comes down on Peter’s side—if given the choice to preserve youth or yield to age, one should prefer the former. The album was to transform an endorsement of Peter into an endorsement of Wendy.

The three songs done with Aaron were likely written to appear in the order they do today: “cardigan” as exposition, then “seven,” then “peace.” Observe that to chart a course hitting all four songs, Taylor has to align OG “cardigan” with “my tears ricochet.” “seven” can stand on its own, provided she pads it with enough storytelling. “peace” and “my tears ricochet” cannot both be endpoints of the story, especially because they are at odds with each other. The mutual understanding in “peace” is not at all consistent with the hatred and sadness in “my tears ricochet.” Thus, the track list requires the partial ordering of OG “cardigan,” then “my tears ricochet,” then (much later) “peace.”

Let’s talk about OG “cardigan.” The first verse paints the potrait of Karlie. “Vintage tee, brand new phone // high heels on cobblestones // when you are young they assume you know nothing” alludes to the glamor of modeling, plus its stereotype as the profession of being young, dumb, and beautiful. “Livin’ in a gold age // sneakin’ to my bird cage” reintroduces the tension of reputation, youth and freedom at odds with oppressive forces. “Laughin’ like a damn fool // breakin’ every damn rule” contrasts the characterization of Karlie in the verse. She instead has a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil. Through this contrast, Taylor suggests that the power of youth is the freedom to choose to ignore very serious problems (pseudo-escapism?). The OG outro full of zingers is Taylor’s perspective as someone who gets burned by the freedom of choice. Young Karlie leaves young Taylor because the high of reputation-era antics wears off. Then, old Taylor, still affected by this loss, also loses her mind in a reverse-“Don’t Blame Me” kinda way.

Word choice, to me, suggests that “cardigan” was originally conceived not as the Breakup Song of the Cenozoic Era but a narrative partner of “illicit affairs.” Karlie and Taylor are on the same team in OG “cardigan.” They have a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil and breaking all the damn rules together. “You know damn well // for you I would ruin myself” gets spit back in Taylor’s face and is that much more impactful. 

Karlie is justified in leaving because the moment dies. This phrase describes a relationship that mutually and/or slowly dwindles. Karlie makes a decision to leave and save herself, and indeed makes the better choice because she retains her wild and her sanity. Hence, Peter wins the argument.

It’s unclear when “exile” was written, but I think it was early on in the process because Taylor added bird noises to it. “exile” plus OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs” illustrates two joint affairs, such as double bearding. Pronoun issues with the second verse of “cardigan” aside, Karlie’s eventual downfall (i.e. the emotional end of “illicit affairs”) is implied to be a result of Taylor…also cheating? Maybe it’s the whole Friends “we were on a break” thing. (IDK, I’ve never actually seen Friends.)

OG “cardigan,” “illicit affairs,” and “exile” were once closely affiliated. More pertinently, by the partial ordering, “illicit affairs” and “exile” were meant to explain how OG “cardigan” connects to “my tears ricochet.” Karlie leaves Taylor during their illicit affair; the affair ruins Karlie; Karlie dies and Taylor shows up at the funeral because she’s pissed; Karlie becomes a vengeful ghost and Taylor is also emotionally ruined forever. Scene.

But these are not the connections that Taylor put out into the world. Obviously we can never know precisely why. One thing that does stick out to me, though, is how hard it is to turn around and align with Wendy given the illicit affair narrative.

In “peace,” Taylor shows her own maturity by acknowledging that she was cowardly and dishonorable. For what? Karlie left her in OG “cardigan,” not the other way around. Taylor runs away with someone else in “exile” (“him”), ostensibly to enjoy a more stable relationship. Her playing the role of the angry funeralgoer in “my tears ricochet” is perfectly reasonable. Taylor was promised love and Karlie didn’t give her what she needed, so she moved on. Therefore, we should conclude that maturity is really…hanging onto someone who doesn’t stay? Having the courage to stay in an incredibly tenuous affair? Apparently, one also must be cheated on in order to mature. These are all strange conclusions.

Taylor illustrates Karlie’s maturity with a monologue of numerous promises—of pretty much everything except peace itself. The illicit affair narrative does strongly support the argument that maturity is learning how to stay true to one’s word. Yet its logical beginning is that one must cheat on another—plus be unfaithful to the person they are cheating with—in order to mature. (Karlie gets burned by the freedom of choice only when she later faces the consequences of the affair.) Also strange.

The illicit affair narrative as a primary emotional catalyst of the album generates even bigger inconsistencies.

“august” both humanizes the person cheated with and leaves them worse off than the cheater. “my tears ricochet” emphasizes the opposite: the one cheated with stays alive and becomes a very ugly person, but the cheater dies.

Arguably, both people should have anticipated the fallout of the (implied to be years-long) affair. “my tears ricochet” is internally inconsistent. “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace” suggests Karlie died an unfortunate or unforeseen death, not an inevitable one. “You turned into your worst fears” suggests Taylor turned around and became a cheater too.

“invisible string” can support the argument that Taylor and Karlie were always bound to get back together after a breakup. Morally dubious underwriting of the initial affair notwithstanding, this song contradicts “mad woman.” Taylor wrote “mad woman” song shortly after “peace;” in it, she is staunchly against cheating. (She avoids morally dubious underwriting of illicit activity on the album by axing the OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs”/“exile” narrative, then condemning cheating and seducing in “mad woman” and “illicit affairs,” respectively.)

Again, it is impossible to know when, why, or even exactly how the narrative of the album changed as Taylor was writing it. The dramatization I’ve provided of inconsistencies piling up is only one plausible explanation—and a convoluted one at that—for a change of artistic heart. Whatever the reason, I think it is significant that Taylor performed a volte face to never argue in favor of Peter in the first place.

The album version of “cardigan,” and indeed the entire love triangle, supports Wendy’s side of the argument. “cardigan” shows that James and Betty’s relationship was vibrant, joyous, thrilling, and tender, but above all, perfect. The tone of the song helps Taylor denounce James’ choice to leave Betty as cruel and unnecessary. It is James’ fault for leaving once the “thrill expired,” not Betty’s fault for believing James would stay after the honeymoon phase. “betty” reinforces James’ characterization as the ignorant fool too. Because the album necessarily pigeonholes the leaver in the role of the coward, Wendy wins the argument on the grounds of moral fiber.

(James technically ‘wins’ in “august” because the titular character is left devastated and alone. August embodies youth through hope and yearning. James’ lack of conviction kills that hope. Thus, youthful traits are always collateral damage of the entire maturing process. And, the narrative that pits the characters against each other ends with James, regarded as the paradigm youth, losing the most.)

Perhaps this is the best justification for the existence of the teenage love triangle. Introducing characters who are maturing in various ways still allows Taylor to explore emotional growth. Three separate but fixed perspectives act as a proxy for one person’s changing perspective. By aligning herself with each character at a different time in their life, she shows that maturity (e.g. realism, reliability, patience, etc.) always gives one the upper hand.

The love triangle’s main purpose is to illustrate the philosophy that permeates the rest of the album. folklore as we know it is Taylor’s memorial to all the things lost to youth. Maturity would have prevented so many losses. At the same time, it is impossible to mature without first being youthful, making mistakes, and feeling lost while doing so. This is Taylor’s singular but melancholic endorsement of Wendy. How sad, valuable, and necessary, she says of growing up.

Lest my point be misinterpreted as ‘we can confidently reverse-engineer Taylor’s artistic process,’ here are my main takeaways from the “cardigan” changes:

OG “cardigan” is sad and we should appreciate it as such. “I knew to love would be to lose my mind?” Please.

“cardigan,” as a midway point with respect to age, is the only ideologically ‘variable’ song of the original quartet. Furthermore, by placement and construction, “cardigan” is/was intended to be expository. Changing “cardigan” changes the course she charts through the album. Taking sadness out of one song and spreading it over a storytelling album really changes the meaning of that sadness.

Of the eponymous characters, it’s worth noting that Taylor is James, the leaver, whereas she is left in the OG “cardigan.” It’s utterly fascinating that Taylor chooses to embody ‘hanging on to youth’ angle. What we assume is a very deep, primal feeling is one she overemphasizes for narrative purposes. Consequently, dismissing the love triangle as (fix-it) fiction requires dismissing Taylor’s attachment to youth—being Peter. To that end, we might also need to dismiss the infamous “I never grew up, it’s getting so old” line from “The Archer.” Many others, too…

Red herring though it may be, the love triangle alters folklore’s underlying philosophy, hence the very essence of its melancholy. It seems rather unwise to ignore the love triangle or to reduce it to a cheesy storytelling device. Recognizing that Taylor endorses Wendy and only Wendy is, in my opinion, crucial for clarifying other nebulous ideas in folklore. (I know I sound like a broken record, but I really do think abstraction in the music requires abstraction in analysis. It’s really easy to fall into the habit of tying specific lyrics to people or events. Personally, I find richer and deeper connections by actively working against that habit. I’m not saying this is the only way to do analysis—on the contrary, I think all analysis is correct because it’s all subjective. Rather, I think people overlook the value of occasional abstraction, much to my distress. folklore analysis even seems to demand abstraction. Sue me for believing that things like the underlying philosophy of an album are important, I guess?)

Would you believe that there’s more to this change than what I’ve argued? I’m weary that this is answer is already not what you wanted, so I won’t bang on and quadruple its length. In conclusion: the Implications.

#kaylor #folklore analysis #anonymous #qs

[ixchel-sketch]

TITLE: Cacalotl / El Cuervo  GENRE: Crime & Romance FANDOM: Mayans M.C. SHIP(S): Coco & Original Female Character STATUS: Complete LENGTH: 4,057 words

Coco is beginning to feel worn down by balancing his responsibilities with the MC and his relationship with Maya. Before she goes away to a festival for a week he gets a letter letting him know that he’s being placed back on active duty. The club is supportive now that he is a fully patched member and all that is left to do is tell Maya about it. Meanwhile she discovers some game changing news of her own.

The honeymoon phase was officially over, whatever the fuck that meant. Five months into their relationship and there was no longer any novelty about coming home and finding arbitrary art supplies scattered into every corner of his place. Or the small piles of clothes that remained stacked where they’d been removed until he reminded her to do her fucking laundry. Though he didn’t have too much of a leg to stand on with complaints, his beer bottles and cigarette butts were practically a form of interior design by this point. Both of them had low moods where they weren’t productive, much less focused on avoiding the other’s pet peeves. 

When he was still a prospect Coco could get away with disappearing for a few hours to a night or two spent somewhere else. Now that he was a fully patched member he didn't have to stay late after parties and runs to clean shit up. There was more freedom and some stability now that the club business was going good. Maya had decided to cut down on the amount of travel she did a year, her nights spent split between the RV parked in the back of Coco's house and his bed. Sometimes it was great, he felt a sense of peace coming home and seeing her face light up when he entered the room. Or her head popping out from behind the thin door of her van once the sound of his motorcycle cut off. The feel of her pressed against him at night. But on the hard days, ones where she would suddenly stay in all day and only move to finish a painting or pop something in the microwave reminded him of just how trapped all of the so called stability made Coco feel. 

And the guilt at having those feelings just made him feel even more fucked up. Maya would look at him with those big dopey eyes and say sweet things at him.  Even when his temper would flare and he would push her away she would just shut down and give him space or worse...be outright accepting. The guys didn’t see it as a problem and Coco had gone long past the point of trying to explain. As far as Angel and Gilly were concerned she was damn near perfect, never causing drama or getting into Club business. She didn’t even give Coco a hard time when they would spend nights at Vicki’s for some celebration or another that usually involved other women giving them attention. 

 Which was just another sin Coco could add to his current list of burdens. While Maya had remained faithful and filled her time making art Coco had not been able to resist flirting and stealing kisses from the women at Vicki's. He hadn't slept with anyone, an embarrassingly small point of pride he still wore like a badge. Though the longer it took for them to see any kind of excitement or danger the more his resolve weakened on that front. When they finally got a job doing a run that their northern charter couldn’t complete, crossing over territories that would take at least a couple of days to cover and keep up with the necessary hospitality, it felt like a breath of fresh air. An eager distraction from confronting the news he’d gotten earlier that week. 

Maya certainly hadn’t seen it that way. 

“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped and the look of disappointment that wormed onto her face made his stomach clench. “ I have to leave for that festival in a couple days…” 

“Yeah.” She’d been gearing up for that for weeks, only adding to the stress of their interactions. A smudge of red paint on her cheek told him she’d been working on the collection again.  Finally being able to get away for more than a day was exactly what he needed. “And?” 

“I just thought you might want to spend it together.” Her words were loaded and it sent Coco automatically on edge. They had never set restrictions on the other’s behavior before but now she was going to disapprove of the Club business? 

“It’s not exactly a choice.” 

“But you want to go, right?” 

His shoulders bunched up, making the shrug more apparent and he turned his back to where she was standing in the kitchen to head towards the room and begin packing his bag. The plan was to leave early in the morning and cover as much road as possible. Maya stayed at the doorway and even not facing her Coco could guess that her arms were crossed over her chest. “I gotta go. It feels like I’ve been stuck in the house for fucking weeks.”

“That’s kind of funny,” Though her tone made it clear that she felt no amusement. “ considering you’ve had more shifts and club stuff these last two weeks than in the past couple of months. And when you are here you’re practically itching to leave.” 

“How the fuck do you know what’s going on in my head?” The clothes were tossed onto the bed with little care, just a couple things that would fit into his military surplus backpack. 

“Are you serious?” She scoffs, turned to head back into the kitchen so that she could finish putting away some dishes she’d been working on clearing out earlier. Maya had a habit of leaving them in the sink until the end of the day and felt the need to clean from the rising tension come over her. “The only time you want to talk to be around me is when you want to fuck.”

“Wait wait,” He calls from the other room and the sound of his pack being dropped to the floor is the only noise until he’s standing in front of her with an incredulous expression. Dark brows are lowered into a glower and Maya squares her shoulders in preparation for the oncoming fight. 

They didn’t get into arguments often. In fact she could probably count the number of actual fights on one hand, usually resulting in one of them leaving the house until they had both cooled down and were ready to actually talk about it. There was always some sort of catalyst, or some slow building thing that was finally too much for either of them bare. The former was always an easier fix...but something about the way that he’d been pushing her away made her think the resolution wouldn’t be so simple this time. It had only become obvious that something was wrong when she noticed the way he would lean away from her, the casual brush of his hand against her waist or ass had long since stopped when they were in public. And even though she knew the club had legitimate connections and business at Vicki’s, Coco came back smelling more and more like cheap perfume instead of just cigarette smoke. 

“Don’t pull that fuckin shit. If I’m not at the club or work I’m here just hanging while you do your art so you can take the fuck off again. And when I gotta do the same you wanna start shit? Fuck!” One of the drying plates from the sink is swept off the counter in one fast movement, sending glass shattering on the floor and making Maya jump a couple inches in the air. Her eyes are wide with shock and he purposefully doesn’t meet them, only stares at the organic shaped pieces of ceramic that decorated the tile. 

“What the fuck is goin’ on with you?” Her Appalachian draw picked up as her heart started to race. There was definitely something deeper that caused this kind of reaction in him and the dread that it was something big began to loom in her mind’s horizon. “This isn’t about me wanting to spend time with you before I leave town for a couple weeks is it?”

“No, it’s about you never leaving me the fuck alone!” She’s silent, watching him try to breathe some level headed thoughts back into the conversation, his hand swipes at his mouth where some spittle still clung from when he was shouting. “You’re always here, and when you’re not you’re in my fucking drive way. I agreed to date you, not put a fucking ring on it.” 

Coco felt out of control. As though the topic they had was covered in a metaphoric sheen of gasoline and in his hand held the match. Sure, there had been times when Coco had done his best to lash out and push Maya away, but all of those had been weighted down by his infatuation with her. Now, all he could think about was how good the road was going to feel and the hours of silence and distance. Of action. Of getting away from the conversation at hand and where he knew it would lead. There was far more comfort in the life that he’d known than there was struggling to find himself in a life of domesticity with her. 

“Well it’s a good thing I’m leaving then, I guess.” To agree with her out loud would be too spiteful so instead he went to work picking up the mess he’d made. Shoulders still held high and tight and each action was careful, like he was desperately trying to keep whatever he was feeling buried. Each silent moment made the void of anxiety in her chest open just a little bit wider. “Do you...still want me here? Or is this about something else?” 

Coco’s dark eyes snap to her face and Maya swallows heavily. There’s a severity to his grimace and she had a feeling if he didn’t have a dust pan full of broken plate he’d probably be reaching for a cigarette right about now. After dumping them in the trash can he ran a hand through his hair. A few moments of tense silence later and Coco crossed the kitchen to pull out an official looking envelope, her own gaze drawn towards the seal of the US military at the corner. “What the fuck is that?” 

“Got this a couple days ago. “ Her hands were practically shaking as the piece of paper slipped free from its packaging. A quick scan of the first page gave her enough information...he was being called back to active duty and would have to leave at the end of the month.  “I already told the guys, they got no beef with it.” 

“But you didn’t want to tell me. You didn’t even tell me you were still enlisted!” “Signed up for six years, they can call me back if they want.” 

“So? Fuck them!” 

The glare she receives for that outburst tells her all she needs to know. His mind was made up and the withdrawing made total sense now. A lump formed in her throat and she retreated back to his room to climb onto the bed and wait for him to follow. The painting she’d just finished earlier was still hung on the wall to dry and caught her eye. When Coco finally came in to finish packing Maya waited, the air heavy between them. There was an emotional pain blooming in her heart that felt like the coming of the end. Her voice wavered when she finally worked up the courage to speak. 

“What does that mean for us? I don’t...I don’t want us to be over.” 

Tears finally break free and make tracks down her cheeks and Coco lets out a heavy sigh. Maya hadn’t even noticed that she had her palms pressed to her face until his calloused hands are gently pulling them away so he can wrap his arms around her. Falling for each other hadn’t been in either one’s plans and even though she’d never met another person that made her feel like he did --- some part of her had always known that Coco wasn’t ready for something permanent. 

“Nothing’s got to change right now, we got a couple days to figure it out.” She shook her head against his shoulder and let out a small hiccup of a sob. He was leaving to get away from her. He wanted it to end and there was nothing that she could do about it. The emotion at the forefront of her mind was heavy confusion at how they had even gotten to this point. More gentle than he had ever been, Coco buried his face against her neck and for just a moment she thought he might join her in shedding a couple tears. Instead he simply stroked her back until her chest felt a little less tight and her crying had slowed to a stop. The warmth of his palm against her spine and Coco’s steady breathing turned heavy as he pulled her closer still. 

“I love you.” Maya whispered into the space between them. He didn’t reply, simply placed a kiss in the corner of her neck, her jaw, her lips. His hands are careful but still hold a bit of desperation where they grip her. The fact that he doesn’t say it in return doesn’t go unnoticed but she valiantly pushed the fear of what was to come away so that she could only feel the familiar and comforting arousal that his attentions usually brought on. Maya kissed him back with fervor, hands splayed on his chest, smoothed over the loose white T-shirt he wore until she could wrap her arms around his neck.  The long steady strokes down her back slowly reach even lower until he’s grabbing her ass and pulling her into his lap. 

“I’m sorry.” She’s not sure if he means for the fight, or for something more final… Either way it doesn’t matter at the moment. Maya shushes him with another kiss, one of her hands going to card through the short black hair at the base of his head. His gentleness begins to fade when she arches her back so that their chests are pressed against the other,  though there is still a measure of care to his movements when Coco pauses to remove the sundress she'd thrown on earlier. 

His clothes are quick to follow and Maya takes the opportunity to stretch out on the mattress beside him, eyes roving over his bare form -- memorising the lines of his tattoos and the way they move over his muscles. Soon the shadow of him looms over her, his forearms bracketed either side of her and Coco places a kiss on her forehead. There's something heavy and too scary to name behind their intimacy. A slowness that neither had really had too much patience for before that night. Now it was as though both of them were determined to take their time, one of his legs sliding between hers and allowing the weight of his body to rub her in all the right places. 

"Fuck, you feel good." He groans, hips rolling against her. Maya smirks and brings her hand up to lick her palm before slipping it between them and around his member, earning a gasp of pleasure and fevered kiss for her efforts. Coco thrust against her hand, his own findinding purchase in gripping her thigh or calf where it's raised against his side. His breath is hot between them, warming the air between kisses placed on her collar and lower still. 

Maya lets out a small cry when he noses against her breast then his lips close around a raised nipple. At the same time Coco easily entered her, her hand on his dick going to scrape up his back and rest curled around broad inked shoulders in order to keep him close. She feels stretched and full in all the right ways, but it’s still not enough.

"Shit, harder baby--" Her tone breathy and heavy with desperation. The heat on Maya's belly growing and moving south with building pressure of pleasure. Opposite of her request, he comes free of her and laughs at the pouting frown that creased her full lips. Before she had time to complain though, Coco takes firm hold of one of her legs and brings it up to his shoulder. 

“Oh! Fuck!” At this angle it feels like he might be trying to split her open, hips pistoning fast and harsh until the sound of their pants and the slap of flesh is all that’s left. One of Maya’s hands traces up the muscles of his stomach to lay a palm over his chest and Coco meets her lust filled gaze with heavy lidded eyes. A wet kiss placed messily at the where her calf is balanced against his collar. Her own eyes fall closed as her orgasm ripples through her and pulls him closer to the edge, but she thinks she catches the words ‘Te quiero’ on his lips.

It’s almost a week before she talks to him again. Four days before she’s supposed to return from the festival. The next morning Coco had taken off hours before she woke up, leaving Maya full of insecurity over their future and the argument that had occured that night. There was no trying to talk him out of his decision and the longer that she spent thinking about the time that would mean apart --- the bigger the void got in her chest and the looming feeling of heartbreak. They had never spent too much time planning their future, but she had a feeling at least a year apart would require some kind of heavy talking. And if their last conversation was any judge of his feelings on commitment then she truly felt as though their relationship was living on borrowed time. The internal disquiet caused her stomach to let out a sharp pang of nausea, bile rising in her throat and Maya forced herself to breathe through it rather than go running out of her booth. 

“Hey! Maya!” A familiar voice caused her head to snap up and a grin pushed the dark thoughts momentarily at bay. Tati, the artist that ran the table next to hers came over with a water bottle in her outstretched hand. “Here, you’re looking kind of pale.” 

“I’m alright, just a bit of indigestion.” 

“Damn, that sucks. Do you think I could borrow a tampon?” 

“No. Please do not return it.” She laughed and went to get her purse, sure she had a few older ones lying towards the bottom of the large patchwork bag. Her mind ildely trying to think of the last time she’d used them and froze with a sudden icy chill of panic Maya couldn’t hope to hide. Her fingers shook as she fumbled to place the plastic wrapped tube in her friend’s hand. 

“You okay? You look like you just saw a fucking ghost.” 

“N..No, I’m fine.” Tati looked unconvinced but thanked her again before heading back over to the safety of her canopy. These were the times she wished she’d split the table with another artist so that she might be able to take a break and answer the scary question that was growing like a weed in the back of her mind. As it was she would have to wait until the end of the day to close up her booth and head to the nearest convenience store, each hour passing by impossibly slow despite the amount of decent foot traffic she had. Her gaze cast out and locked onto a nest of a black birds, most likely a crow, equally busy in the tree across the foot worn path. Whether they were a beautiful show of nature or a bad omen she couldn’t say.  Instead she counted the weeks since her last cycle, then again for good measure to make sure that it wasn’t just paranoia. Sure, she was on The Pill but had been known to accidentally miss a day or two...and she’d never been very good about staying on schedule with it. 

" Fuck me, shit.” By the time she made it to the store the sun had set and her anxiety was in full swing. Maya grabbed two boxes of tests and polished off the rest of her large water bottle. Privacy was pushed to the back of her mind in panic and the brunette locked herself into handicapped stall. Coco had been slow to answer her texts since he'd left, and even now left her messages on read despite the obvious stress behind them. With her heart racing and the test lining up on the sink accusingly, she was in no mood to be toyed with. 

"Pick up, pinche pendejo." Three calls, no answer. The sound of women coming and going in the other stalls completely ignored by the focus at hand. By the fifth call there's finally an answer on the other end, his voice tight and the sound of laughter in the background loud and obnoxious over the line. 

"What?" 

"Where are you?" She had expected him to be home, or maybe out with the guys. Though the familiar sound of music and women's laughter told her otherwise. "At Vicki's?"

"Yeah. Hello to you too."

"Hm." He'd never ignored her calls when he was there before.

"What? Qué paso?"

"I think we have a problem." She waits for him  to say anything but the only response is the quieting of ambient noise. He must have gone into another room or stepped outside. The tension grows so thick that her stomach spikes with nausea once again. One glance at the four tests lining the sink and she's unable to breathe the repugnant feeling away this time. The cell phone placed quickly on the floor before Maya emptied the contents of her stomach. 

With a tired sigh she wiped her mouth and picked the cell phone up, grumbling a weak apology. 

"What happened? You take something?"

"No, nothing like that." She'd called him from a show sick from drinking or tripping before, her impulse control severely lacking while on the road. The words felt foreign in her mouth but she forced them out. The bitter taste of bile still coating the back of her throat with a scratchy burn. "I'm pregnant." 

Nothing. Almost complete quiet except for where his breathing has gone rough and stilted. "What the fuck did you just say? Are you sure? I thought you were on the pill?" 

Multiple feelings strike her at once, rippling through her core like a physical blow. Intensifying with each question. Though her tone goes flat and cold, the cell gripped so tight Maya's knuckles go white. "I am. It's not perfect." 

"Yeah? No shit." 

Her eyes closed tightly and Maya swept the tests into the trash. There was no use clinging to them as though she could will away the situation. She clears her throat to make sure her voice doesn't break. "So...what do you want to do?" 

It's his turn to sigh, a slow whooshing crackle over the line and he sounds bone weary and utterly contrary to the wired and shaky energy that courses through her veins. "That's not on me. Look... I already got a couple kids, and I'm not in their lives for a reason. Ain't nothing really changed on that front." 

It's a conversation that they should have been holding in person. Both of them shared accountability for what had happened and not being able to see the look on his face only hastened the hysteria that swiftly encroached. "Right. So you don't...want to be involved. If I keep it."

"Maya...I'm not even gonna be here." 

"Right." Her heart sinks and Maya finally flees the small bathroom, rushing out of the store and shivering when the night air chills the nervous sweat that misted her forehead. The lock to her bike came free as she balanced the cell phone on her shoulder. Numb shock of what this meant making her movements mechanical. The consuming heartbreak just waiting until she was alone to attack, for now anger was her only defense. "You're right. I got this. Just do me a little favor, 'kay?" 

He doesn't answer but it doesn't really matter. There's no way that Coco would turn down this final request, especially since she wouldn't be back for another few days. 

"Pack up my shit so I can just swing by and get it? Thanks." 

#johnny coco cruz #coco cruz #mayans fanfic #mayans smut #mayans mc #Coco & Maya #Maya Ortiz (OFC)

[bubblyani]

Deeper Relations: 08

(Freddie Jackson x Reader)

A Freddie Jackson Multi Chapter Series

Chapter 08: The Effect

Rating: Mature (18+) 🔥

Story Requested by: @97freaknik

Summary: Being the youngest sister of Jackie and Maggie, you were quite young when Freddie Jackson went to prison. Upon his return, you cannot help but recall your innocent love you had for him back then. And surprised by your transformation into womanhood, Freddie cannot help but form a desire towards you. Will a dangerously seductive attraction grow between the two of you? What will be the consequences?

Author’s Note: Being the story teller, I’m fanning myself writing this spicy story. Please note, I don’t personally approve of the actions taken by these characters aka infidelity. Just enjoy the drama like you’re watching an episode of the show lol. Enjoy!

Series Masterlist HERE

With the door properly locked, a sudden urge came over you. Stripping down, you stood in front of the mirror completely naked. This was nothing new. You remember doing the same a few months ago. The last time, you acted on this to prove yourself a point. Several points, to be specific. You wanted to prove the change you had undergone from a girl to a woman. You wanted to prove the denial of feelings that were unwanted and forbidden, giving yourself any reason to forget them.

But this time, you acted on this to celebrate.

The average person might consider this as a way to reconnect with one’s body. But what you did was different. For you just wanted to celebrate the change.

You were not in denial of those feelings, instead you were aware and proud of them. In fact, you were confident, and most of all, you’ve never felt sexier. As you eyes traveled across every inch of the reflection of your body, you just could not believe. Could not believe he laid his eyes on them, could not believe his hands had touched, his lips had tasted. All those blessings were completely unfathomable. You had changed, evolved in to a better version of yourself. And you were glad because finally, your wish had come true.

You had won in love.

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( One month later)

Family Dinner. It was that time. A tradition that would be carried out frequently, suddenly broke its cycle for the first time, delaying it for almost a month. But there were valid reasons, like Maggie and Jimmy finally moving to their own place for example. Nevertheless, it was lovely for all to get together after quite some time.

You managed to bring in the biggest surprise, by going through the biggest change. It was not intentional, for it just happened. The one who longed to fade into the background, had grown the most proactive.

Cooking had become a new hobby and the kitchen was a place of peace, that you grew confident in feeding others. So much so you offered to cook for the entire evening, giving your mother some time off to sit back and unwind with a glass of wine, until the rest arrived. Your change was practically announced by your welcoming greeting of a voice the moment they entered the house.

“Y/N…this is all so delicious! I’m impressed” With food still in her mouth, Maggie managed to deliver that line so perfectly. And given the looks of the others, including the children, it was safe to say that all agreed. You smiled brightly.


“Thank you,Mags”

Lena Summers turned to her eldest daughter. “Jackie darling… could you please ask your sister what’s going on with her?” She said cheerfully, her face red as she held on to her glass of wine, “Cause whenever I would…she would just change the conversation”

As a mother, Lena had a point. The change was evident and incomprehensible. Tonight you were chattier, you were helpful, enthusiastic about every damned, thing that was discussed. You were even keen on what the children talked about. And moreover, the huge smile that adorned your face could not be wiped off throughout the entire time. But this phenomena, it was not limited to just today. You had been this way for a while. Smiling to oneself, a musical tune would always linger in your lips while a skip would stick in your step. And your eyes, the light that made them both shine, had an origin no one could pinpoint by yourself.

Jackie, however seemed not so convinced. With a cold smile, she looked at you. 
“Actually I wanted to ask her that myself…” she said, “What is going on with you?”

Guessing from her tone, it was very much clear she did not believe what she saw. Nor was she pleased. Why? You did not know. And frankly you did not care.

“Well…I guess I’m just…” You began, “I finally found the way to be happy with myself-”

“That’s not true…” Jackie cut in to your surprise, “I’m your sister and I know you’ve never been an unhappy child to finally be happy” she added in a rather snarky tone, the gold bracelets on her wrists clashed while she pointed her fork at you, “But this is just quite unexpected…so what is it?” She repeated the question, “You found someone new, maybe?” She asked, wearing a mischievous smile.

“Oh…” Maggie and Jimmy could not help but utter together. You looked down shyly. 
“Oh I rather not say” you said, chuckling. “Why not?” Jackie asked persistently. “Well… “ The moment you put your fork down, all were silenced,  “…suppose I say that I am in love…suppose I am…” you paused, suddenly lost in your thoughts with a smile, “…suppose I am..so very deeply.” Your voice laced with affection,“It’s just that the last time didn’t really work out…so maybe it’s best if I keep my mouth shut this time until I’m sure if er…this gets serious or not” you said. “Oh I agree, smart one Y/N…” Jimmy called out. Looking at him, you nodded. “Thanks, Jimmy” “But isn’t this wonderful? Y/N is in love” Maggie’s heartfelt tone made you laugh, as you picked up your fork again.

But yes, they were right. You really were in love. And you were indulging the honeymoon phase of your relationship, a phase you hoped would never end. For you treasured this relationship. The relationship with the irresistible man who sat across you at the table, next to your sister. A wonderful, yet secret relationship with Freddie Jackson.

Being a secret, the obstacles to overcome were many. The meeting place for example.

The Rose Gardens Hotel, the place that started it all, became the default location for the lovers. It was your home away from home. A quaint space for the two of you, to be free in love, and free to love. To love fearlessly and passionately.

On some weeks, the days were fixed along with the time, mostly being the afternoons.  But some weeks it would change. No matter when, it was made sure it was all unsuspecting and safe. And all everyone knew was that you were at lectures, and he was carrying out business.

Freddie was no fool, and so were you. To be suspected by anyone was a huge risk to take. In order to not cause any suspicion or accidental screwups, you showed little to no indication of your interest to each other at home. You made it quite convincing. So convincing it made the both of you laugh so hard.

When hotel rendezvous were null and void, when chance to make passionate love was not offered, fooling around would be the only option. And you both were willing takers. For even the slightest grope, fondle, grind or any other form of foreplay still satisfied the hunger for one another. Initially you were concerned whether Freddie would be contented by that. But to your surprise he was. This astounded you.

Fooling around, it would occur in the most unexpected of times, meaning every day was indeed a surprise, or an adventure.

There was a reason for your heart to skip a beat, or butterflies to fill in your stomach whenever you’d find Freddie drive by in your neighborhood, offering to drop you off to lectures. And, instead of actually going to lectures, You would end up in the suburbs, stopping by somewhere, where it was just the two of you. At the comfort of his car, in quiet seclusion.

The car was a witness many romantic escapades. Some of them would be when you would please him. Nestled in between his thighs below the carseat, you would taste him for as long as you wished. No one was there to judge. All the while his hands held you by the hair, displaying his approval and satisfaction, while proving more arousal. The other days would be when Freddie takes his turn to pleasure you. Having you sit on his lap, with your back pressed against his chest, was what he preferred. It made quite sense, especially when you curvaceous buttocks rested on his clothed manhood throughout the entire time. It would start out as innocence as you resting against him, indulging the beautiful view of what nature had presented to you. And then it would playfully proceed as to you watching his hand cleverly slither inside your thin sweater, just so he could fondle your eager breasts one at a time, just so he could marvel at their softness. It would get more heated, when you watch him wet his fingers with his own saliva, before encircling your nipples with moist, playfully pulling them to make them erect. Just when you thought things were heated already, he would take another step further, letting his other envious hand take the stage. He’d let you suck his digits, before digging into your skirt to caress and massage your wet slit, inserting them with ease soon after.

This also, was done in his own leisure, forcing you to grip his hair or even the leather seat until you’ve finally reached your peak. He even had the audacity to let you taste yourself in his fingers. All this while you savored the sweet nothings he muttered in your ear.

The physical pleasure was exciting, yes. But you were even more stimulated by the emotional connection you managed to form with him. Wherever you would meet and whatever you would do together, conversations would always take place somehow. The rush from genuine interest with talking and mutual listening was incomparable. With your enthusiasm shown, he was more than happy open up. Whatever the good or the bad, you listened to him. And with your indirect influence, Freddie clearly had evolved more as a gangster, being more careful, less reckless and clear headed enough to take in more responsibility and win the respect or many and be feared by many as well.

Picking on the piece of meat on your plate, you returned from your thoughts, “Yeah well…” you said, “…all I want is to find love as great what Maggie and Jackie has” you looked at your sisters. While Maggie beamed, Jackie smiled with pride.

“Yeah. She will, right babe?” She said, looking over at Freddie. Flashing his signature smile, he nodded enthusiastically as expected.

“Of course she will” he said.

Pulling her husband by the hand, Jackie kept her gaze on you while she leaned to kiss Freddie. Except he did not. Swiftly moving to the side, he rested his lips on her cheek instead. And he did that on purpose. Nodding, you looked down to resume eating. And you could not help but smile. That kiss, it was meant to say something. For that was him, pledging his loyalty to you in public. His very own symbol that his lips were yours from here onwards.

Why did it suddenly feel like there was a game between you and your sister? And you were the only one who knew? And which game you were not sure. Was it for winning his affections? Or succeeding in turning him loyal to one woman? And why did it feel like you won them all?

You could go down that path if you wanted to. The path to feeling pity, feeling guilty. For this was ethically wrong in so many levels. But you chose not to.

Because finally, you were truly happy. Because finally, you were in love the way you wanted to be. That passionate love that excited you. And it didn’t hurt anyone.You made sure of it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(4 days later)

“Ah! Yes…Oh!!! Fuck yes!”

The room at the Rose Gardens Hotel brimmed with the cries of your pleasure. One those rendezvous again between the secret lovers. And given the time, it was an afternoon delight as always. Except this time, Freddie had special privilege in the ‘tasting’ of the sweet dessert.

Your body, it writhed. Your hips rolled forwards and backwards in a steady rhythm. All the while you remained comfortably seated in bed, with Freddie’s face in between your luscious thighs. Sitting on one’s lover’s face had been a fantasy of yours, and here you were living it while he fed on you. Your long loose tresses moved gracefully when you threw your head back, maintaining the rhythm whilst being controlled by his hungry tongue that explored your most sacred place. Playing with your breasts, you made sure the buds were teased and stimulated the way he would always do, which sent you through the pathway to heaven. Your naked body glistened with sweat, making you look more attractive and convincing than any random actress in any erotic film. And what everything better were the delicious sounds that exited his lips whilst he savored you.

“Yes…that’s it. There’s the spot, Freddie!” You moaned, “I’m almost there…ah!”

Finally reaching the destination, You cried out as the climactic juices flowed out of you. You wanted to get up as quickly as you could, in order to avoid the mess in his face, but you could even consider that, you gasped as his tongue lapped up and licked all the remaining juices, until you were completely dry.All because he was famished for you. Literally. As much as he enjoyed tasting your food, nothing could be compared to the sweet taste of your own body. ‘Your little cupcake’ as he called it. Thinking about it for 4 days with waiting impatiently, he certainly was famished.

A few minutes later, Freddie came out of the shower. When he did, he found you sitting on the bed still naked. Leaning against the headboard, you stared at your wristwatch with a thoughtful expression. For suddenly you did not feel good. The more you analyzed it, you realized you were sad about something. And soon afterwards, you realized why. You sighed heavily.

“Why so quiet, babe?” Freddie’s voice reached your ears. Eyes still on the watch, you answered by shaking your head.

“Nothing…just”

“Awww come on!!…Freddie knows that’s a load of porky” You felt the bed shake slightly when Freddie landed on it next to you, “You can tell me…” he said. The moment you finally looked over at him, you were greeted with a gentle kiss. Kisses from his luscious lips were always lovely, you randomly thought. But that thought suddenly disappeared when you noticed what he was wearing.

“You’re wearing a bathrobe…” you muttered with raised eyebrows, “…you look different” you said with a questionable look. “Yeah? You mean like fancy different?” He asked with interest, showing himself off proudly, “ Don’t I look fucking regal? ”

You could not help but laugh at that. Freddie took your hand.

“Now come on… don’t change the subject” He said, using his convincing tone. Taking a deep breath, you decided it was better to just vent.

“I…I found out my grades this semester have gone bad.” You muttered shyly, “I’ve fallen so much behind”

It was true. Ever since this relationship came into being, you developed the tendency to skip classes more than usual in order to meet Freddie. And since the meetups increased than expected, your attendance rate was greatly affected. Which resulted in your lack of attention to the lessons and assignments. At the beginning you thought it wont be much of a problem and making up for it would be easy. But it was not as easy it sounded.

“Those fuckin’ wankers…” Freddie muttered, to which you shook your head frantically, while your hands played with the knot of his robe.
 “Freddie! It’s no one’s fault but mine…” You began, casually loosening the knot to open his robe. Fresh from the shower, his skin smelled like refreshing shower gel, “But…I know this is the only time we can meet.” You continued, as your fingers ran over the tattoos on his chest, “And I love this…” you said softly, bending down to kiss them, then looking up at him, “I love you.” You breathed devotedly, “And I don’t you want to get in trouble by forcing you to meet me at another time” you said affectionately, curling yourself next to him.  

“Well…” Freddie began, eyes half closed from indulging the kisses you placed on his abdomen, “…can’t you get the notes from any of your mates?”

Moving away, your jaw dropped with disbelief.

“Wow! You really don’t remember why, do you?”You scoffed with disappointment.

Because you remembered. It was one particular day when Freddie managed to drop you off to University after a quick session of fooling around. Gilbert Brown, one of the most studious students in your class had promised to lend you his notes. And keeping his word, he stood there outside the lecture building with the notes you needed. Moved by his kindness, you could not help but hug him with such gratitude. But as you closed the door behind you in the building, your eyes caught the of Freddie making conversation with your classmate. It seemed that he had whispered something to the young man’s ear, all the while he held on to his head violently. Ever since then, Gilbert never spoke to you again.

However, Freddie did not see the severity of your problem. For he has his own. “I didn’t like the way that bugger touched you” he growled softly. You clicked your tongue. “It was just a hug, Freddie. It’s not a big deal” “Well it is for me” he replied tad harshly.

During this relationship, the more you learnt about Freddie Jackson, the more you realized how jealousy ate him whole. The fire burnt in his eyes as he said those words. Sensing the anger in him, you grew a bit intimidated. Sensing your fear, his eyes suddenly grew softer.

“Y/N…” He began softly, surprising you as he hovered over you, “You don’t know how fuckin special you are…” the manner his voice evolved into a seductive one, made you gulp,“You’re like crack…” he went on, lifting a finger “You’re fuckin… addictive… and like no… other” just so he could gingerly run it over your rib cage, drawing little circles down your stomach, as you gasped softly “And the thought of other men realizing what a keeper you are…just…ah!”

He grunted all the sudden, when you finally realized how his hand left your body, only to feel his own manhood. With his eyes never leaving you, his hand worked on himself until he was hard.

How he spoke of you, how he revered you, it was clearly your weakness. Freddie Jackson had his way with words. And you were a victim. His desire for you had crossed many lines and his jealousy was evident. The level of how much he wanted you did not make you angry, instead it made you powerful. But more importantly, you were aroused beyond all measure. The dampened slit was proof enough. Spreading your legs wide open, you cupped his face, lust burning in your eyes.

“Fuck me…” you breathed.

And just like that, no more words were necessary for him to proceed.

You tasted his hungry kiss, crying out loud when you felt your inner walls fill up as he entered you with haste. He was particularly rough, moving faster than usual but he was fully aroused. Thus, the bed creaked louder as you moved along with it. Your ample breasts in turn bounced in effect. catching Freddie’s attention in an instant. Maintaining speed, his mouth latched onto the erect nipples, suckling on them hard for he could not resist.

“Ah yes…harder…ah!” Free to vocalize to your pleasure, you moaned out loud as he kept moving. You always welcomed him inside you, and loving him was never a burden. And both of your utmost satisfaction, release was met, the conflict was forgotten, and you rested for the rest of the day as you could not walk afterwards.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(The next day)

Stepping out of the Lecture Building, you never felt more confused. You missed the good old times. The times when you were always ahead of lesson, well prepared with everything and anything. You missed being in control of this aspect of your life.

Walking back to carry out some errands, you began to debate with yourself on getting your studies on track. Would the library be resourceful enough? Or online courses? Before you could make a decision, you felt someone tap you on the shoulder. Turning quickly, you sighed in relief to find Marcus behind you.

“Hey!” You said with genuine surprise, to which he nodded with a small smile. “Where you off to?” He asked softly. “The Chemist…need to get some vitamins” “Oh! I’ll walk with you then” “Thanks…”

Walking together, you breathed in the comfortable silence shared. Looking over at him, you sensed a different energy. He did not look happy as he usually would. Since you both had different classes, the thought of meeting him had slipped off your mind completely. You felt guilty. You missed him. It had been a while since you saw your friends.

“We rarely see you around, you know” He began, when you both entered the Chemist Shop, “Is something wrong?”

With all that happened recently, you did not know what to disclose and what not to . You pressed your lips together, “Uh…you know. Stuff…” Your answer was ambiguous. Awkward silence filled as the two of you walked along the aisles. Chuckling, you were in dire need of a segue.

“Can you believe I can’t get anyone to lend me their notes from class?” You scoffed, eyeing the bottles of Vitamins, “Me… of all people…ha!” But Marcus did not answer nor express his surprise. Except he just stared at one of the bottles of pills. “Y/N…” he began, with his hands deep in his pockets, “I don’t know if you know this but…there’s a story going around about you” “What story?” “People they… they keep saying that blokes can’t talk to you or be associated with you anymore cause this gangster keeps showing up, threatening them not to. I saw him once…” Marcus continued, “Wasn’t that Freddie?”

You froze. You knew it. His actions certainly had brought forth noticeable consequences. So this was what his actions have brought upon you. No wonder nobody wanted to lend you notes. They were frightened of you.

“I mean…Why would your brother-in-law be so protective of you?” Marcus asked, unable to comprehend the situation. And frankly, so did you. “Oh you don’t know Freddie…” you chuckled nervously, avoiding the question at all costs, ,“He’s like this with all the women in the family” “Well I haven’t seen him do this before…” He snapped, which drove you to the edge. “Marcus! What do you want me to say? What do you expect me to do?? HUH?” Panting, you realized how loud and angry you sounded. Taken back by your reaction, Marcus looked disappointed.

“Are we not friends? Why can’t you tell us?” He said, his voice laced with sadness, “You really have changed, Y/N…” he murmured, “Heath was right…You barely see us anymore” Realizing the weight of your actions, you felt your heart break and you wanted it to stop. “Marcus please-” “No…” he cut you off firmly, “Call me when you finally figured out what’s going with you…”He said as he took his queue to leave, “or else don’t…”

Watching him walk out of the store, You sighed heavily, feeling shittier than you felt earlier. He was right, you have been a terrible friend. Barely seeing your friends, or calling them. As if they were suddenly wiped out of your interests at heart. Without even picking the bottle of vitamin pills you needed, you found yourself walking around the store. An empty feeling came over you. First studies, now your friends. Why was everything you had a firm hold on were slipping away from your grasp. As you kept walking, you caught the sight of one particular aisle.

Halting in your tracks, your eyes widened as you clutched your chest with shock.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your heart was beating so fast, you felt in your mouth. Exiting the store, you walked out with haste until you ended up speed walking. When that was deemed slow, you decided to run. The plastic bag floated up high as it hung on to your hand. You just wanted to get home.

Too long. It had been too long. And you did not even notice? How could you be so careless?

You ran so fast, anyone who passed by seemed irrelevant. Even storming into the house, you barely acknowledged your mother as you darted towards the bathroom.

“Having a bad stomach, love?” Lena Summers cried out from the kitchen. “Yes mum!” Answering back, you slammed the bathroom shut, locking it afterwards.

Exhaling deeply, you leaned against the door. The thought of this happening to you was simply unfathomable. You closed your eyes, as you began counting something using you fingers. But no matter how many times you tried, you were not relieved with the answer. Impatient beyond your control, you took the small box out of the plastic bag. You teared it open, to have the small yet long stick land on your palm.

Taking a deep breath for the better or for worse, you decided to get on with the next stage.

“Please say no …please say no”

Muttering to yourself like a prayer, the bare of your thighs felt the cool toilet seat as you began to pee into the pregnancy test stick. You shuddered. Was this another part of being responsible? You could not recall the last time you had your period, and glancing upon the aisle of sanitary napkins and tampons sudden forced you to skyrocket back to reality. You did not even stand up, you just kept sitting there, your panties still bunched around your knees. As the one minute went painfully slow, all you could do was to repeat your prayer with desperation.

“Please say no …please say no” Until you finally decided to take a look.

As your eyes widened, as your breath left your body, it felt as a vital part of you just burnt in smithereens in an instant, leaving nothing but the ashes behind you.

For your prayers, there were not answered. They were definitely not answered.

______________________________________

Chapter 9 HERE

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[stefanmikaleson1864]

A Brand New Life

Here is the Elijah dad story i have been promising. I’m gonna post a part two with Elijah actually finding out don’t worry i just didn’t write to much in one I Hope you all like and enjoy it and as always i love feedback 

Disclamier this gif does not belong to me and all credit to the owner and i know it’s a different character i just like the pic 

Sitting on the big king size bed you shared with your boyfriend  Elijah you sighed throwing another grimoire on the floor and throwing your head back on the mountain of pillows and closing your eyes. 

You had been hard at work all day trying to come up with a spell you could use to be able to have children with your husband and him being an original the idea most would say would be pointless to even try.

 You know those people were right but you wouldn’t let it stop you. There was always a loophole in nature and you were determined to find this one.

 You didn’t tell Elijah because you didn’t want to get his hopes up. You knew his whole time on this earth it was always his desire to have kids of his own. You didn't want to tourte him with hope it would be too cruel.  There was no giving up though even if you had to travel to the ends of the earth you would find a way. 

After being consumed by your thoughts you haven’t even realised Elijah walking in and hovering over you and gently stroking you face with his finger until you woke up. 

You felt his movements and gently opened up your eyes while smiling at him even after 30 years of being together, it still felt like the honeymoon phase never ended, Your stomach rumbling with butterflies and your cheeks turning a bright pink.

 He smiled down at you 

“Well hello love everything okay ? He asked looking around the mess you made in the bedroom. 

“Yeah just working on some new spells Davina asked for my help so i’ve been busy reading up.” 

“I see and this simply nothing to do with the conversation we had earlier.” He said to you while pushing you hair behind your ears.

“ No Love i’m not naive you know i know it can’t be.” I said with a hint of sadness in my voice. 

The conversation earlier was something that was spoken many times between the two of us. About wanting a family each time coming up with different ways it could happen Adoption? Surrogacy ?

 And each time it was something stopping us and honestly i wanted to be able to carry our child. At least for the first time and down the road after that who knows. 

After seeing Klaus and Haliey with Hope earlier you couldn’t help feeling jealous not that you weren’t happy for them you just longed for what they had. 

Elijah knew you felt like that and he felt guilty because if you were with any one else you could of had your dreams but that wasn’t the case you didn’t want a family with anyone else just Elijah but he still felt that way. 

Elijah bent down and kissed you in an attempt to snap you from your thoughts. It worked as you did in effect go you out of your head and you deepened the kiss and pulled him down further by grabbing his tie and he smiled and got your hint and just as soon as things started to heat up . 

Klaus started to call Elijah’s name something about some kind of business they had to handle only god knows what they were up to. 

You Groaned and Elijah laughed simply pecking you on the lips and getting up and reaching you down and helping you up. 

You got up on your feet and wrapped your hands around his neck and kissed him again in a deep passionate one pushing your body into his and he returned just as passionate. 

He pulled away first and Kissed you on the top of your head and simply whispered later before leaving the room before Klaus decided to tear the whole house apart. 

You went back to your grimoires you had been looking at us before. There were so many spells and you head was spinning from all the reading you were doing. 

There was one in particular that caught your eye, it was a little bit older one and it was big with a lot of ingredients. It required some of Elijah’s blood mixed with yours and a bunch of other witchy items you knew you could easily get to. 

Most of it was nature stuff like herbs but there was one that would be a little harder to find it was a plant that was your older than your husband. It was supposed to help with fertility and according to legend and the multiple spells you just glued together it should work. 

You decided to get up and head to the witches quarters and get the stuff you needed besides the flower you know you had to ask one of the originals about it and then that would come with about 100000 questions you rather not share until you knew it was sure it would work. 

Once down at the market the witches down there making it harder than needed to be all because they knew you were basically married to the original. You just decided to ignore and gather the materials you needed and head back to the compound. 

Once inside it was easy to sneak inside and shut the door behind you. You carefully laid down the ingredients and began to work. You knew Elijah would be home soon and wanted to work rather quickly to have it done by the time he got home. 

Once you put everything and worked your magic and creating the right spell by combining everything together and twisting some stuff around. After everything was all said and done it came a weird looking green liquid. You and Elijah had to drink it and that was the worry some part. 

He would ask about a million questions as to what it was and you yourself wasn’t sure what it would do to you once it had been consumed. I mean maybe you could just lie to him and say it was just a witch experiment you had been working on. He was rather supportive you and your magic. 

You had looked up after cleaning up the mess and Elijah was there leaning on the door and his hands in pockets smiling down at you.

“Would you like some help cleaning up whatever this is” He said moving his hands gesturing motion to the stuff around room”

“Nope just a smell i have been working on and the mess besides these few books is all cleaned don’t be so dramatic Elijah.”

You said getting up and putting the books on the shelf with the rest of them. He then walked over to you and put his hands on your waist and pulling you into him. He then started to kiss up and down your neck smirking all along the way.

“Well now that mess of yours is handled and Niklaus is occupied for the moment how about we finish what we started earlier.”

“And what might that be” You said turning around and kissing him hard and forceful which he had no problem returning. 

Before it got even further you decided now was a good time as any to try out the spell. You pulled away rather fast and Elijah gave you a weird look on his face.

“That spell I was working on the juice i need us to drink it before we get any further i just need both of us to drink it. Before you ask just trust me i can’t tell you until i know after a 1000% it worked.”

He went over and drank some without giving even a second guess you walked over and did the same thing as well. 

“Thank you for trusting me you whispered over to him.” 

“I’ll always trust you.” He said back before leaning down and kissing you deeply and pushing you on the bed.

 He positioned himself on the bed as to where you were on your back and he was laying on top. He started slowly leaving a trail of open mouth kisses on your neck. And you both rather quickly started undressing each other. 

After everything was all said and finished Elijah made the two of you switch positions and he was laying down on his back and you were laying your head on his chest and he was playing with your hair a weakness of yours. It was quiet in the house and you close your eyes drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

3 months Later

You weren't feeling up to par. You were sick in the morning and overall you just tired and worn down. A part of you knew something was different but you didn’t want to jinx it.

 You knew it had been a couple months passed. You decided to take a deep breath and walk down the local drugstore and grabbed a couple of pregnancy tests. 

The whole time you had nothing but nerves and butterflies once home you rushed to the bathroom and took the test.  It was the longest 3 minutes your life. But before you knew it the buzzer went off.  

You looked down with a shaky breath and saw all the test said the same thing positive you made a weir vcd noise that sounded like a cry and a scream and Rebecca came running into the bathroom.

“What the bloody hell are you alright love ?” 

Rebecca looked at you and your shocked expression and then down at the multiple test on the sink. 

Her face looked mad and confused and a bunch of different emotions on her face and before she got a chance to say anything you cut her off. 

“Yes it is Elijah’s and no he doesn’t know I was trying and it was a spell I used to help make this happen and yes i’m sure it’s his he’s the only guy i’ve been with in the past 30 years.” 

You smiled at the blonde and let her take on for a second before she vamped sped over you and smiled and hugged you and then took a step back. You could tell on her face she was listening to something.

“I can hear a heartbeat it’s so little but it’s there.” She smiled

“I can’t believe this is happening we both waited so long for this moment.”

You and Rebecca were so caught up in the moment you didn’t even hear Elijah walked in 

Rebecca hurried up and hide the test before he could see. 

“Well what is going on here?”

“Nothing just girl stuff no need to be nosy.” Rebecca said she also grabbed the test before heading out. 

You walked over and kissed Elijah and kissed him softly before leaving to find Rebecca before running off and finding ways to best tell the new dad about the joyful news.

#elijah mikaelson #elijah mikelson imagine #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikaelson fluff #elijah mikaelson fic #Elijah mikelason fanfic #the originals #The Originals imagine #the originals x reader

[austral-taur]

Mindless Self-Indulgence: Venus in Aries Mini-Scopes

Though both the Sun has ended its period of exaltation in Aries, and Venus its period of exaltation in Pisces within a 24 hour time frame, do not fret! Venus will be living her most bold life in her detriment in Aries, where she will stay until May 15th, when she makes her homecoming to Taurus. Even though Venus is in a sign where she cannot be her most elegant and peaceful self, she’s here for a good time, not a long time! She will work her way through Aries largely unbothered until she begins squaring the problematic pileup of Saturn, Pluto, and the South Node in mid to late Capricorn. While you may be tempted to live it up, perhaps a crisis half way through will prevent the good times rolling, more likely than not to keep them from rolling off of a cliff. However, as she parts ways with Aries, she will make a trine with retrograde Jupiter in late Sagittarius, providing some relief as well as a signal that she is no longer walking through the obstacle course laid out by the Capricorn parts of our lives.

As I state in all my threads, I write these Mini-Scopes from the perspective of the rising sign. However, feel free to read for your big three (Sun, Moon, Rising)!

Aries

You may find yourself feeling more attractive, if not starting to realize that you have the agency to turn over a new leaf in relationships and make new moves when it comes to finances. The subtle hints that were muffled during Venus’ time in Pisces have finally made themselves clear, and you will probably feel ready to seize what you feel is rightfully yours. However, a lesson you need to learn is that it is better not to overdo things, because there is such thing as too much of a good thing. If you do find yourself finally starting to reap the benefits of finances, or perhaps you have begun to realize that perhaps that person did like, you, it is best not to take such an abrupt change of pace just because you’re aware of it now! This could lead to some unwise spending decisions, possibly in an attempt to impress a lover or win people over. 

Taurus

Where you were feeling social and busy before, now you may find yourself needing to put a lot more energies into recharging your batteries. During this time, you may find yourself struggling to get work done because you are filled to the brim with new ideas that you are considering acting on. However, you may also be hindering your own ability to take care of routines that need to be taken care, of and you might be a little bit too indulgent during your alone time! Rather than letting all the energy you have for things stagnate or become wasted on things you likely won’t commit to once Venus is back home in your sign, you might want to spend time preparing for the things you are actually invested in.

Gemini

Now that you have probably done the necessary damage control to repair your reputation, you may find that you are motivated to try your hand at being social again. However, you may find yourself getting a little to comfortable with certain groups of people. Something that is important to remember is that the enemy of your enemy was never really your friend, they were just strangers uniting behind you temporarily for a “greater good.” Something you may also have to realize is that certain friends may reinforce some of your less useful habits, particularly those around fun hobbies or romantic activities that are known to often get you in trouble. Something worth noting is that you might want to tread lightly when it comes to reintegrating yourself into certain social circles, or approaching new ones altogether. You want to avoid living out the previous patterns that may have nearly cost you your reputation before!

Cancer

If some of you were able to travel long distances to see family, or perhaps a visit with long distance friends inspired you to consider changing residence, you are probably coming into this time feeling like you can make the necessary career changes to make that happen. Something you might want to realize though is that you cannot just rush through things just to get closer to this fantasy that you can almost taste! There can be a sense of wanting to push too much for this to happen, and in doing so you might alienate your friends or upset the sensibilities for certain family members. You may also find that you are just wanting to move in with friends or something to that effect, but perhaps a series of snafus keeps this from happening at the pace you would like it to happen. 

Leo

You may find yourself thinking that you are out of the woods when it comes to your reputation and the scorn of public opinion because of the help you may have gained from powerful friends or forces in secret. However, you may find that any avoidance of judgment has come to a sudden end, and you will be forced to confront your beliefs about where you stand, and what your role in your community is. You may find it a lot harder to properly control the narrative around what people are saying about you, or if you have siblings, you may find yourself struggling to support them from far away as they go through major life changes of their own. If you are tempted to journey far away from your problems, guess again! They will probably follow you everywhere. The best thing that you can do is use this energetic time to effectively cultivate a piece of mind and perhaps change your views about how public opinion will shape your trajectory.

Virgo

After doing some necessary relationship repair and finally feeling aligned with your partner and loved ones once more, particularly if you were having some difficult challenges related to money or your beliefs about it, you may find yourself needing to spend time with the aftermath of certain financial decisions you have made! If you went on a vacation to repair things with someone you love, now it’s time to work hard and pay off whatever debts you’ve acquired in trying to treat your loved one. If you found yourself instead dealing with legal challenges from an adversary, you might find that even though things went in your favor initially, you may have some challenges to getting the money that you are owed from this other party. Rather than fighting to the death to get what you are owed from this person, perhaps it would be wise to be happy with the bits and pieces they are able to pay you during this time.

Libra

After getting your nest-eggs in order financially and helping your partner sort through their finances, if not finally dealing with some debts you acquired by working smarter last month, you may find yourself needing to expend a lot of your energy on partnership this month. Where things were running smoothly before, perhaps the other party involved might feel that something is amiss financially and is worried about whether they are getting their fair share of the bargain. You may find yourself struggling to smooth things over with a romantic or business contact when it comes to some join resources that you have shared together. If you had already put things towards that agreement, you may find that some challenges with the actual account or resource will require you and this other person to put your heads together to figure out how to get the ball rolling.

Scorpio

While you have probably been able to appease your partner this last month or have a bit of needed seclusion with your partner, you may find that you will need to turn your attention to dealing with challenging scenarios at work or routine wise. You may find that your partner is actually quite busy, and as a result you may have conflicts about the lack of time that you have been spending together. Your partner may also being going through a difficult transition at work that may require you to be a lot more supportive, if not needing to renegotiate a lot of their schedule. Something that you might need to realize is that after the honeymoon or romance, comes the need to really work through some issues that you two have probably spent quite some time putting a bandaid on. The good news to remember is that this is only a temporary transition phase in your relationship.

Sagittarius

Though you might have recently been inspired to make some huge moves to be with friends, or maybe you and some people you know made some huge collaborative effort to redecorate your home or something to that effect, you are probably wanting to go out and celebrate your new space with a house warming party or something like that. Something you might want to be wary of is inviting the wrong people into your space this month, because they can literally and figuratively really do damage to your space. As a result, you may find yourself having to invest a lot more time and energy into cleaning things out and fixing things that are broken. If your friend was going through some challenges with health or family that required you to be supportive of them privately, perhaps going too hard on the celebration isn’t a good idea. You do not want to undo progress that you’ve made!

Capricorn

You have probably been inspired to really make the important creative changes to your lifestyle or career, and have been starting up school to hone your craft, if not telling everyone and their mother about how hard you’ve been grinding to make this a reality. However, this will probably be a time of having to come home to family and face the music about the gravity of your choices. You may find that you will have to smooth things over with parents or people you live with that maybe do not approve of what you are doing. Alternatively, you may find that in getting career things done, you may have to start focusing on life at home that you have been neglecting, especially if children are involved! Though you may experience a semi-turbulent peace at home, do not forget about the things you have been working for.

Aquarius

You have probably been thinking about and saving up for a long distance move for quite some time now, and perhaps you finally have the money to do it! However, during this time, you may find yourself needing to fill out a lot of paperwork and perhaps even renegotiating the terms of your place in a way that makes you think that this is not going to be a stable or achievable reality for you. You may even find yourself needing to make frequent trips to see the place before you can live in it, possibly doing a dent in the savings you have probably miraculously acquired in order to make this happen. Though it might seem like you have to exert a lot of effort just to make this big move a reality, it will eventually pay off!

Pisces

You have probably received some good news about an educational opportunity, if not the potential to gain some financial support or assistance or something to that effect. However, you may learn that you will need to maximize your income in take in some innovative ways if you really want to have the financial mobility you desire. While there is the potential to tidy up and improve your finances, something you might want to do is read the fine print before entering some pretty binding financial agreements with people. Also, your attempts to become more financially savvy or literate might have you consulting way too many sources that may contradict each other, leading you to make some impulsive decisions about what you want to do financially. Now would probably be a good time to just work with the little support you have, until you can really make the most of the funding and opportunity you have been given.

#Venus in Aries #Aries #Taurus #Gemini #Cancer #Leo #Virgo #Libra #Scorpio #Sagittarius #Capricorn #Aquarius #Pisces #Horoscopes #miniscopes

[tellywoodtrash]

Heyy! I really loved your analysis on The Great Indian Dysfunctional Family! Could you give your honest review on it? I mean how did you find it's plot, the story, acting, directing all in all the show and what would you rate it? Thank You! Have a nice day! :)

Hello anon!

I’ve got to thank you for sending in this question, coz I did mean to do an overall review for the show beyond the lbs, and was just dragging my feet and being a lazy POS about it. You’re keeping me honest. :)

Tbh, I’m not sure how exactly to rank or rate this show. Until Ep 6. (the one with the big reveal) I really liked it. I really really liked it. But then the show just took a bizarre turn after the reveal. The plot went kinda off the rails, most of the characters were acting very strangely, and I was just left wondering why they built all this up and made me care about these characters just to bring it all crashing down like this.

The story

Nothing new, it was basically a Kapoor & Sons ripoff; right down to the whole vibe; everything from the setting at this hillstation-esque area, to the house parties, to the interpersonal dynamics (the feuding brothers, one of whom is oblivious as to why the other one is so resentful of him; the chill idgaf elder with the shenanigans; husband-wife tension; one of the characters is gay…) to how it all played out (reveal at a fun party right after a troubled marriage got a second wind, sudden untoward death of a parent, brothers making peace after…) all seemed straight up taken from that movie. They adjusted it a little here and there to accommodate the characters and make it seem different, but overall, it was just Kapoor & Sons, the TV version.

The plot

Like I said above, I really liked the way the show was written till Ep. 6. They built up the world really nicely; the family dynamics were uneasy yet stable in a manufactured way, and it all goes to hell with the entry of the ‘outsiders’ Samar and Sonali. I liked their relationship; they seemed like a couple who not only loved each other romantically, but also genuinely liked each other as who they are as a person. They’re still in their honeymoon phase, unaware/blind of each other’s more icky personality traits. Their coupling is so perfect, that even his own mother feels vindicated when they have a minor tiff, claiming no husband and wife are ever THAT happy. On the other hand we have Vikram and Geeta, who are barely holding on to their marriage; their tension is out in the open, even as much as Geeta tried to play it down. I liked how they paralleled the two couples. They also built up the suspense well; it was pretty obvious that there had been infidelity on Geeta’s part and Mridul’s paternity was in question, but the way they ramped it up was good. All this playing around Addu’s coming out, and the social ramifications of such an act in small town India, was well done. It’s after Ep. 6 that everything goes downhill. Samar and Geeta’s characters get reallllllllly unlikable. Their only regret seems to be that everyone found out, rather than the actual deed. And neither of them seem to be really apologetic? Samar kinda brushes it off after making two, three guilty faces/dialogues, Geeta picks fights with Vikram who’s trying to make peace with her despite the fact that she slept with his brother? Ek toh chori, upar se seena jori. Just distasteful. The pace of the show also suffers post ep. 6; everything just unfolds so quickly, yet nothing is really happening, and I was just confused as to what the point of all this was, and how the characters would eventually resolve this emotional quandary. But also, with the insufferable way most of them were acting, I didn’t really care either. I was just like eh, whatever, you’ve made your beds, now lie in it. The writing for all the characters just made me apathetic to their fates. The convenient killing off of PL was just dumb and contrived. Also confusing, because they had this story-telling device of starting every episode a little bit in the future and then flashing back to the point that led to this. Idk why in just that one episode (#9) they start with that scene of her at home, high on pain meds, signing to Begum Akhtar in her sleep and then suddenly it was cut to her dying in a hospital? Just weird, and it really bothered me. But again, I was just so done with these dumbasses that I didn’t actually care.

But I do have some questions about stuff that was faulty/left unresolved:

Why was Geeta talking to Kashyap on the phone saying she “needs” him and asking him to take her away from all this? Just a random red herring to throw us off? That’s pretty bullshit.

The “clues” that Sonali used to put together the secret were pretty shaky at best. He apparently lied about landslides in the area (which… is a weird lie to keep telling over and over about a place? But also the policeman who stopped the vehicle in the earlier ep. clearly stated that it was because of a landslide. So he wasn’t even lying…) and about when/why he learned sign language? How does that lead you to ‘OMG Samar’s the father of Mridul’?? 

The whole Mridul is premature thing and was conceived when Vikram wasn’t in Kannuri thing. Geeta/Samar clearly slept together when Vikram was there. So……… That whole plot point is just null and void. He could be either brother’s kid.

Did Addu get to go to Delhi afterall? I hope she did. She deserved to get outta this close-minded small town and go live her life in a place where she could exist on her own terms. 

What were we supposed to make of the ending for Samar/Sonali? I mean, the show seemed to imply they stayed together; but from what we’d seen of Sonali as a character, she didn’t seem like the type who could make peace with disingenuity like that… Even if Samar and Sonali did stay together, it was highly unlikely she would be able to hang around with Geeta/Mridul ever again. Idk, they just left that hanging up in the air, and it was unsatisfying.

The cast

Kay Kay as Vikram: It’s completely his show. His character is the best written, and the most satisfying one to follow from start to finish. And he plays all the different facts of Vikram well: the angry, bitter man who’s lost himself as well all emotional connection with his family, the exasperated dad trying to come to terms with Addu being gay/Mridul’s effeminate tendencies, the more charming husband/loving big brother he was in the past before all of it went to shit… He plays all of it really well. You start off disliking the character, but the more you see of him, you gradually come over to his side. It’s not that he hasn’t made/isn’t currently making mistakes of his own, but you grow to sympathize with him. I also loved his brief bits of comedy. I’d like to see Kay Kay in lighter roles like these more often.

One qualm though; idk why they had him wear those tacky light-coloured lenses (reminding me of that 2006 -2010ish time in tellywood, when everyone wore those damn lenses. The entire cast of DMG used to wear the same colour and it just looked bizarre.)

Swaroop Sampat as PremLata: She was the actor is was most excited for in this show, and they just fucked me over so bad. She’s hardly in the damn show. I don’t understand why they would underutilize her talents like that. Also I’m not sure of how to feel about PL as a character; she did seem to love her family a lot, but was also very hands-off and just a witness in the bg to everything? She just seemed very uninvolved in whatever was going on, to the point of apathy, just caring about her daily chais and nothing else. But whatever few scenes Swaroop did get, she was radiant and lovely in, as expected.

Barun Sobti as Samar: I always enjoy watching Sobti. Especially in the role of a straight-man to all the madness around him. He’s so enjoyable with his genuine reactions of perplexed and exasperated and amused. But I feel like… Other than in IPK, he isn’t really ACTING. Both in Tu Hai Mera Sunday and here, he plays this chill dude, which is just who he is IRL. It’s just toooooo easy breezy, and I can see that he’s not really putting any major effort into it; compared to Arnav, whom he played in a very measured manner. Also Samar as a character stops being likable after the reveal. His reason for sleeping with Geeta is hardly compelling enough, and so is his demeanour towards Sonali after the reveal. He just doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of what he’s done. The character didn’t deserve to get the easy resolution that he did, especially because he didn’t do any work for it. Bas sabne aise hi maaf kar diya.

Eisha Chopra as Sonali: She’s a revelation. I think I’ve seen her here and there in some web sketches, but this is the first time I’m REALLY seeing her. She’s very charming and confident and a delight to watch. I’ll surely be watching her web series What The Folks in the coming days. Sonali as a character is kind of a mixed bag though. She seemed like a strong, intelligent woman coming into the show, but her bizarre turn into becoming an obsessive snoop who just wants to uncover the family secrets gets pretty annoying. There’s also a brief bit where she’s being a whiny brat for no real good reason? Other than that, I really liked Sonali as a character.

Shriswara as Geeta: A good measured performance. Her character wasn’t clearly defined in the promo, and I thought she’d be a long-suffering wife, but I’m glad she wasn’t. She did keep mum a lot to keep the peace with Vikram (because of her guilt?) but did counter him when required. Her bond with Mridul was the purest, but it was strange how she had no connection with Addu at all? Most of Addu’s parental interaction is with Vikram, despite their tension. She seems to have zero relationship with her mom. I also disliked the turn Geeta’s character took after the reveal. Like I said before, there was no real good reason for her to sleep with Samar. It was just such a flimsyyyyyyyyyyyy plot point. Upar se, she didn’t even seem contrite about it. Like, idk where she got off having that tone with Sonali asking her what her problem is, for wanting to leave after the reveal. It was just jarring. Overall I liked how Sriswara played all the different bits of Geeta; the patient wife just on the brink of losing it, the indulgent mother to Mridul, the woman in a million different clubs because she’s just trying to fill the void in her. As an actor she was very likable, it’s just that the writing for her character was shaky af.

Sanaya Pithawala as Aditi (Addu): I don’t really relate to teenage angst anymore and get annoyed by it, so I can’t really say I connected with her character, but I did feel for her and her heartbreak when Nandu crushes her brutally. I also liked her cool ‘deal with it’ attitude post the incident and the confidence with which she navigated her coming out. The plot with that boy Shashi though, it was confusing… There seemed a legit moment where she was into him. I guess she’s still really figuring out who she is as a person. Her best scenes have to be with Vikram, whether they’re clashing, she’s purposely taking the mick outta him, or trying to make up with him. She was fine, watchable, but I was very distracted by her bad wig.

Prithviraj Sarnaik as Mridul: The purest. The face of an angel. The only character worth rooting for in the show. (I mean Addu too, I guess, but I found her kinda obnoxious at times.) I normally do not like child actors, but this kid was very adorable. He really seemed to have a maturity to him; silently observing and taking in everything. Other than PL, he’s the only one who really gets everything that’s going on here in this shitshow of a family. I felt really bad about how all these badly behaved adults probably traumatised the kid for life. But overall, it was a charming little performance and I wish they’d made him the overarching narrator of the show, coz I loved his little voiceovers every now and then.

Overall

Overall, I’d say this is okay for a one-time watch. It will disappoint you towards the end; because you just stop caring for these characters, which is a mark of crappy writing. But it does have an able star cast that does the best they can with the material on hand, so if you have some time to kill, and like these actors from other stuff, it’s worth a dekko (esp. since each ep is only about 15 - 18 minutes long; you can be done with the whole show in about 3 hours…)

#the great indian dysfunctional family #tt answers #tt reviews

[artificialqueens]

ain't no big deal, it's innocent (bengela with a side of jivy) - trashqueens

a/n: i kissed a girl au for that killer lipsync, i would also like to add that this fic doesn’t reflect my opinions on the characters mentioned.

Dela was your typical, run-off-the-mill sweet high school girl. She was smart but not too smart, she was well-liked, she was in six different clubs in Rupaul’s High School. She was head of the student welfare group and had a football captain for a boyfriend, making them the power couple in school, which only served to boost her popularity. As the terminally delightful bubble of happiness, her laughter and enthusiasm was always infectious. She never failed to make anyone smile. There was no way anyone could resist her charm.

Shangela was just your typical grade A cold bitch. No, seriously. It made sense, since she was the head cheerleader, and unlike Dela, her popularity was built on fear as opposed to kindness. She was the kind of girl who, if she smiled in just the right way, could easily send even the seniors running in the opposite direction. She was often blunt and upfront, never bothering to talk behind someone’s back if she could just say it to their face. In some ways, her I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude was almost admirable, and most people either envied or hated her. Or both.

It seemed unlikely that two girls with such distinctive differences could ever be friends. True enough, Dela and Shangela rarely ever crossed paths. Dela was often too busy going for student leader meetings or drama class, and Shangela spent all her time on the field making freshmen cheerleaders cry.

So when Dela entered her first dance class that year, and saw Shangela in the studio, she was, well, not quite apprehensive, but curious at least. She knew the rumours surrounding Shangela, of course - she’s a bitch and a real slut too sometimes, I heard she stole some girl’s boyfriend and blew him in the back alley last year - but nonetheless, never having really interacted with her, she didn’t want to make assumptions. She prided herself on being fair and congenial. It couldn’t hurt to try making a new friend, right?

She set her bag down by the side and made her way into the studio, already dressed in her nude leotard. Shangela was on her knees in front of the mirror doing stretches. Dela watched as she bent over backwards at the waist, hands landing gracefully on the floor to form a perfect bridge. Her eyes were closed, lips slightly parted as she breathed evenly.

Dela approached her, leaning against the warm-up bars. “That’s pretty impressive,” she began.

Shangela’s eyes opened, and she straightened up before turning to look at Dela, lips quirked in what could’ve been a smile, but probably wasn’t. She didn’t respond immediately, and it took Dela a few moments to realised she wasn’t going to get a reply. She coughed awkwardly.

“Um. So, anyway, I’m -”

“Girl, please, I know who you are.” Shangela cut in with a roll of her eyes, standing up. “Dela Creme, RuPaul’s poster girl, whatever whatever. And you know me as the bitch.”

She blinked. “More like, the cheerleader, so I didn’t really expect to see you here.”

Shangela easily forced her legs into a 180 degrees split and said, “I’m a professional. I heard y’all was hiring.”

Dela was surprised, but said nothing. She didn’t think Shangela was the kind to actually do anything outside of cheerleading, but clearly she didn’t play into that stereotype. It was noticeable in the way she moved, too, her body amazingly fluid, and as she stretched in that split Dela could see her lean and muscular thighs.

The instructor came in shortly after, and they got started on their dance choreography. Throughout the lesson, she couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the girl beside her, watching her precise and purposeful movements, always in time with the beat, perfectly in sync. Shangela was focused in everything that she did, that in-it-to-win-it attitude apparently evident in dance, too, and not just cheerleading. It was almost oddly mesmerising, and Dela found most of her attention on Shangela rather than the class itself. She hadn’t even realised that practice was over until the instructor dismissed them.

It had been a long day for her. She was tired, that was all, she thought while trying to rationalise her lack of focus during today’s practice. She started on her cooling-down exercises as people started to file out. The other dancers often left as soon as they could, but she always liked staying a little later behind, to get some rare peace and quiet.

Spreading her legs slightly, she slowly bent down to touch her toes. The burn in her thighs felt good, she was practically bent over halfways with her palms flat on the floor. When she got back up, she saw movement in the mirror, and whipped around to find Shangela halfway out the door, staring at her. There was no one else around.

“What?” She asked, suddenly self-conscious.

Shangela just smirked and left.

***

What people often didn’t know about Dela was that the exterior mask she put on hid a vastly different person on the inside. She’d always had to pretend to be someone else to be liked - and while it was her own decision, she did get tired of the whole shtick sometimes. She sometimes fantasized about saying fuck it and dropping everything she’d worked so hard for, but she knew she never would. There was nothing else for her but this life, and there was too much at stake. So she continued being the teachers’ pet, turning up for all her classes and club meetings, dating the perfect guy. And she told herself that she was fine.

***

“I’m not saying that I believe the rumours, but you should probably be on your guard, either way.”

Dela always had lunch with her best friend Jinkx, and her girlfriend Ivy, in the cafeteria. Benjamin used to join them all the time when he first started seeing Dela, but he now usually hung out with his football mates.

She thought about it while sipping on her orange juice. “She wasn’t that bad, she seemed kind of nice, actually? I mean, in a room containing Thorgy and Milk, she was at the very least bearable.”

Ivy giggled. “Well, when you put it that way…”

Jinkx shook her head, unconvinced. “You can’t always trust people who ‘seem nice’. Look what happened with Rolaskatox.”

Jinkx had run for prom queen last year, with Roxxxy, Alaska and Detox as the three other nominees. The notorious clique tried to ‘befriend’ Jinkx with the full intention of kicking her out eventually, but she snatched the crown nonetheless. She never held any grudges, water off a duck’s back and all that, though Dela knew that she was still wary sometimes.

“Alaska isn’t that bad,” Dela tried to defend.

“She’s the lesser of three evils,” Ivy agreed.

“You know what I mean. Just be careful. Maybe she’ll try to steal Benjamin from you - though we’d probably have to thank her for that.”

Dela sighed. She knew that they didn’t approve of him. Sure, he was always busy at football practice, and he sometimes stared at other girls, and he wasn’t always the most sensitive, but he loved her. And relationship was about compromise, wasn’t it?

“He’s not that bad, guys.”

“Who’s not that bad?” Benjamin appeared at their table, squeezing in next to Dela. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and planted a kiss on her cheek. From across the table, she caught Ivy and Jinkx sharing a look.

“No one,” Dela smiled sweetly at him.

“You’re actually spending time with Dela today? Not eating with your friends?” Jinkx’s lips were curled upwards in false cheer.

“Came down to see my favourite lesbians,” he chortled like it was the funniest joke in the world. “Come on, give a guy a show, can I watch y’all make out?”

Jinkx looked like she was about to snap at him, but Ivy clasped a hand around her fist and whispered softly into her ear. Dela slapped Ben lightly on his shoulder. “Stop it,” she chided.

Ben just laughed again. “I’m kidding, babe. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I’ll be at practice tonight. Big game coming up and all.”

Dela frowned. “But we had plans for tonight, you promised you’d accompany me to Adore’s birthday party. I told you weeks ago -”

“Man, I’m sorry, I just can’t, okay? I know you understand. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby, love you.” He pressed another kiss against the corner of her lips and left. Jinkx held up a black-nailed middle finger to his retreating back.

“Honestly, Dela, he’s such a dick, why do you still -”

“Jinkxy,” Dela cut her off, pressing her fingers to her temple and massaging. “Please. I don’t wanna talk about it. We’re fine.”

Jinkx must have sensed her discomfort, and shut up. Ivy laced her fingers through Jinkx’s, the simple gesture instantly calming her down, and Jinkx turned to her girlfriend, love and adoration evident in her eyes. She leaned in for a small kiss, still smiling.

Dela watched the encounter with a slight pang of jealousy. She’d only ever been like that with Benjamin in their honeymoon phase, but their spark never lasted more than a few months. They’d been dating for almost two years, and she really still did enjoy his company, but she wasn’t sure if he was still that into her. She was completely okay with being the one who invested more into the relationship, but watching Jinkx and Ivy, so loving even years into their relationship, made her long for more.

A sudden increase in chatter volume made Dela turn around. The cheerleaders swarmed in as a whole bunch, with Shangela at the front, still clad in her white Halleloo Squad uniform. Her blond hair was tied up in a high ponytail with a white scrunchie, and she looked more like she’d just stepped out of the shower, rather than spent 3 hours sweating in the middle of the hot field.

“Jeez, the speak of the devil syndrome is real today,” Jinkx commented. Dela laughed.

She watched as the group sauntered over to the footballers’ table, most of them shamelessly flirting with the guys. Courtney was halfway draped over Andrew, tilting her head and giggling at everything he said. And Shangela -

Dela tried not to watch, she didn’t want to be the easily jealous or possessive type. But Shangela was seated right next to Benjamin, eyeing him purposefully, that lopsided grin on her face once more. She twirled a lock of hair around her finger, saying something that Dela couldn’t catch from a distance, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Jinkx must’ve caught her looking, because she said, “Dela, she’s doing it on purpose and you know it.”

Dela turned to her friend, whose eyebrows were furrowed, eyes full of concern. She swallowed and looked back down at her plate, picking up her apple and taking a bite even though she wasn’t hungry. “You don’t know that. She could just be being friendly.”

“I think Dela knows what she’s doing,” Ivy said lightly, and looked at Jinkx meaningfully. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Jinkx nodded and gathered her belongings.

Dela got up, but turned around one last time. What she wasn’t expecting was for Shangela to be unabashedly staring right back, and grinning. She winked.

Confused and flushing uncontrollably, Dela let herself be dragged away by her friends.

***

Turns out, Dela also shared another class with Shangela in Calculus, due to the timetable switch. She didn’t have any of her closer friends with her, so she was sitting alone in the second row when Shangela walked in. That in itself was a bit of surprise, given that A) Shangela was almost always late, and B) she usually came in a box. (It was a long story.)

Shangela picked the seat next to Dela, which was even more of a surprise. And her first words were, “You know, your guy’s kinda cute and all, but I don’t really know what you see in him. Kinda boring, huh?”

Startled, Dela took a moment to recover. She didn’t know what Shangela’s motives were. Did she want Benjamin for herself? Or was she sowing discord for no reason? She replied, “I’m sorry, that was kind of rude? He’s a great boyfriend.”

Shangela just snorted. “If you say so, cutie.”

Dela’s insides twisted uncomfortably. Shangela was really good at making her riled up for no reason, in a way no one had been able to before. Something about her just… got under Dela’s skin. It was unnerving.

She spent the rest of the lesson in silence, concentrating hard on the questions on her worksheet, trying to keep up with the pace. She forced herself not to notice Shangela’s messy scrawl of words across the paper, the smell of her cherry chapstick, or the way her collarbones jutted out when she leaned forward in her seat.

Needless to say, she kind of failed.

When the bell rang, Dela gathered up her things quickly, desperate for some fresh air outside the classroom. She had been cooped up too long, her mind a whirlwind of strange thoughts. She was the first one out of the classroom, and as she speed-walked along the corridors to the next class, she pretended not to hear Shangela’s voice calling out her name from behind her.

***

dela: jinkxy you there?

jinkx: what’s up darlin’

dela: oh uhm

dela: i don’t know… shangela’s been acting weird and it’s all a little confusing

jinkx: i mean i doubt she’s ever acted normal but

jinkx: is this about ben?

dela: umm… maybe? probably?

jinkx: you should talk to him

jinkx: and then probably also talk to her

jinkx: and then you can talk to me and i’ll tell you that you deserve better :-)

dela: awww you sweetheart

dela: but ok I’ll do that

dela: love you <3

jinkx: <3

***

Dela wasn’t always this popular. She was a bit of an outcast back in 5th grade, when rumours started spreading about her and Jinkx. They were just really good friends, but people thought it was more than that, and, well - 5th graders were insensitive and mean. Really mean.

It’s not like Dela didn’t already know that Jinkx was gay. She never had a problem with it, Jinkx was her best friend and she’d always be a hundred percent supportive. But Dela knew that she herself was straight, that she couldn’t not be straight, and it’d be weird for her to like like another girl. The thought of people calling her a dyke or a lesbo was downright frightening, and so she’d kept any strange or unnatural feelings she’d ever had to herself. She wanted to be a good girl, she wanted to grow up and be a successful woman with a loving husband and three kids and she wanted her family to be proud of her.

So she avoided the mean girls at all costs, throwing all her attention into her work and achievements in various fields. By the end of her sophomore year, she’d somehow also managed to catch the eye of the most popular boy, and that was when she started dating Ben. The girls no longer called her names, and she was more than happy to leave the past in the past. And if she ever felt like there was something missing in her life, a subconscious thought that caused mild anxiety to ripple through her, well, she was great at suppressing it.

***

“So… Do you know Shangela well or something?”

Dela tried to play her question as casual as possible, and predictably, Ben didn’t pick up the cue.

“Sort of. The Halleloo Squad’s always practicing while we’re playing footie on the field, so. She’s a popular one, isn’t she?”

“I saw her eyeing you, the other day in the cafeteria.” Dela shrugged as Ben turned to look at her. “She was flirting, and, I dunno, you seemed to be having a lot of fun too.”

He groaned. “Aw, come on, babe, don’t pull that card. You know I hate that whole jealousy bullshit. She’s just cool, okay? Christ, I swear you fucking do this to every girl I so much as make eye contact with.”

Resentment burned inside of Dela, but she shut up and dropped the topic.

***

Over the course of the next few weeks, Dela couldn’t help but notice Shangela everywhere. She saw her in the corridors while walking to her next class, talking and flirting shamelessly with Benjamin whenever he had a break between football matches, and on one particular occasion, smoking a cigarette alone behind the main building, a common hiding spot. She never seemed to be able to avoid the other girl - her aura was always present, to the point where Dela just always instinctively knew whenever she was around. It was driving her a little crazy, but the day she caught Shangela with Ben in an empty classroom was the final straw.

Dela was just looking for a quiet place to get her mind off things and finish her art project. Her favourite classroom, which was always empty after the main lessons, just happened to be occupied at that time. She’d heard voices from inside, and was about to go elsewhere to try her luck, when she recognised Shangela’s laughter. Followed by Ben’s voice.

She crept around the doorway, and there they were - Shangela sitting on the teacher’s desk, Ben with his arms on either side of her and pressing his lips firmly against hers, Shangela’s legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

Dela couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. She stared in shock, hand clapped over her mouth, until she couldn’t take it anymore and fled. She ran in the opposite direction as fast as she could, until she couldn’t breathe, until she was kneeling on the floor in an abandoned corner gasping for air.

She left for home earlier than usual, and stayed in bed the rest of the night, unable to get the mental images out of her head. The way Shangela’s fingernails were pressed into the back of his neck, her closed eyes with those long, long eyelashes, the way her lips interlocked with his.

She tried and tried and tried, but she couldn’t cry. She wasn’t even upset. Not even the slightest bit of anger at Ben cheating on her.

All she knew was that it all felt wrong.

***

dela: you’re a cunt and i’m breaking up with you.

[you have blocked benjamin putnam.]

***

Dela walked into the girls’ locker room the next day at 6, just as the cheerleaders were done showering after practice. She caught the tail-end of Alaska’s ‘byeeeeee’ as she left, and then there was silence. She hadn’t seen Shangela come out, so Dela knew she’d still be in there, and hopefully alone, so they’d get to talk.

She sat herself down at the benches outside the shower room and waited, nervously wringing her hands together. She needed to, as Jinkx so nicely worded it, ‘confront a bitch and punch her in the face’. Even after a sleepless night of her mind running endlessly, she still felt nothing but confusion, and she knew she had business to sort out with Shangela.

Soon enough, Shangela stepped out into the locker room, wearing a black and white polka dotted dress, wet hair dripping down her back. She raised an eyebrow when she saw Dela.

“You lookin’ for me, Miss Congeniality?”

Dela stood up and approached her, trying her hardest to quell the pounding in her chest. “Fuck you,” she said shakily. “Stop pretending. I know what you’re doing. You don’t fool me with your innocent act, I saw you with Ben yesterday.”

Shangela didn’t even bat an eyelid at that, just smirked, drying her hair with her towel while still looking Dela in the eye. “You enjoy the show? To be fair, he did come onto me first, I wasn’t even interested, so he can take credit. I must say though, still tasted the cherry flavour on him, don’t know if it was from you or some other girl -”

“Shut up!” Dela’s voice quavered, and her hands were trembling slightly. Heat pooled inside of her, but she wouldn’t let herself back down. “You’re a bitch, I know what they say about you, that you’re a slut with no morals.”

If anything, Shangela’s grinned widened. “I bet there’s one rumour you haven’t heard yet.” She stepped forward, inching closer to Dela, who started backing away until she was pressed against a wall. Dela hated how cowardly she felt, how powerless she was, confronting another girl over another guy when she didn’t even have the guts to admit how she really felt. She was lost and confused and utterly cornered by Shangela, who was merely five inches away by then.

Shangela leaned in and said softly, “Don’t you know what this is really about?”

Dela didn’t know what happened or who initiated it, but suddenly warm lips were on hers and she was kissing Shangela like her life depended on it. She was all soft skin and kissable red lips, and all of sudden everything clicked and made sense and for the first time in a long while, Dela felt like she was doing something right.

Shangela’s tongue brushed against her lips, teasing her gently and she couldn’t help but grab the back of her head and pull her impossibly closer, wanting more but not getting enough. She felt Shangela’s hands grabbing her ass moaned into her mouth, lifting her own legs to wrap them around Shangela’s waist. It felt so undeniably good, threading her fingers through the other girl’s hair and pulling, hearing Shangela make those soft little noises of pleasure, and Dela felt a pleasant shiver run down her spine. Kissing girls was a million times better than kissing boys, why hadn’t she ever realised? How could she have been so blind?

The loud slam of a locker door from somewhere in the distance snapped them both back to reality, and they practically jumped apart. Shangela looked positively ruined, hair wet and messy and eyes heavy with lust. Dela could only imagine how much worse she looked. Then her eyes widened in shock as it finally hit her - she’d kissed a girl, and actually liked it.

“Fuck,” she said, “Fuck, I’m gay.”

Shangela stared at her for one long moment, until she finally burst out in a fit of uncharacteristic giggles. Dela, still startled silly, joined in shortly after, until they were both laughing uncontrollably and gasping for air.

“I’m sorry,” Shangela choked, still wheezing, “You let a girl seduce you for weeks, then make out with her in the locker room like you’ve been doing it your whole life, and that’s the first thing you say?”

“I’m not thinking straight,” Dela grinned, leaning her head back against the wall and one hand braced on her stomach. “You know, you did actually flirt with Ben a lot, and I got confused about which side the jealousy ran, so that’s your fault.”

“Maybe not the best way to get your attention, but it worked, so.” Shangela, still slightly breathless but much calmer, smirked. “Wanna get out of here?”

“Hell yes.”

***

jinkx: so how’d it go

dela: i punched her

jinkx: wait what?????

dela: in the mouth

dela: with my mouth

jinkx: OMG WHAT DETAILS NOW

jinkx: hello???

dela: she’s kind of busy at the moment. -s

dela: or at least, her hands are. -s

jinkx: omg you fuckers

dela: that’s the idea. -s

#bendelacreme #shangela laquifa wadley #jinkx monsoon #ivy winters #jivy #i kissed a girl #high school au #lesbian au #cisgirl au #trashqueens #rpdr fanfiction #submission #dela x shangela #as3

[sometimesrosy]

Coming Home, chapter 13: A Happy Right Now Story

rosymamacita

Chapter 13

Start from the beginning: (Clarke and her two kids come back to town after ten years, and she gets to know Bellamy all over again) 

Clarke can't believe how happy she is. Engaged to Bellamy and living with him as a family with her kids, getting to do her art and be a part of the life she now feels she was always meant to live.

It couldn't possibly get better...

Could it?

Notes:

yeah, well. This story is done. But I've got some fluff to add on because I want to give them happiness. So just imagine that chapter 12 ended the narrative of Coming Home, but you might get updates about the happy life they live together, now and again. I don't have any conflict to make it its own story, so here. Have a post script. All fluff.

Chapter Text

“Hey babe,” Bellamy said, poking his head into her garage turned studio. “I’m taking the kids down for some ice cream. So if you come out and find the munchkins missing, we’re going for the sugar high.”

Clarke just stared at him. Still a little bit in awe that he was there. That he was who he was. That he was watching her kids, as well as his own nieces, without even being asked. He’d shoo’d her into her studio to paint, simply because he knew how much she loved it. When she was married to Finn, he’d rarely watched his own kids, always thinking his time was too valuable, always off on his important adventures saving the world. And here was Bellamy, history professor, who’d rather spend hours playing with a bunch of little kids than doing the serious work of academia.

She opened her mouth to say something, she wasn’t sure what, but Bellamy just smiled, descended upon her to kiss her passionately, and said, “I’ll bring you back a scoop of mocha chip.” He was getting ready to swoop away again when she grabbed at his sleeve and held onto him.

“I love you,” she said, because she wanted him to always know how she felt, after she left him to marry Finn ten years ago, even if he still had a hard time saying it back sometimes.

He pressed his forehead to hers and she felt his indrawn breath. “I’ll show you how I feel about you tonight,” he promised.

Clarke curled her fingers into his hair and smiled. “You always show me how you feel, Bell.”

He kissed her again and broke away when they heard a bunch of little girls screaming.

“BELLAMY!!” Leo hollered, never very good at wrangling a bunch of little girls, being an 8 year old boy, and having no patience for them.

Bellamy laughed and pulled away. “I’d better go before one of them attacks him.”

“My money’s on Penny. She’s as fierce as your sister.”

“Don’t you sell out Violet. She gets her killer instinct from you.”

Clarke snorted. “Yeah, that’s me. Commander of Death.”

Bellamy pinched her side and she yelped, threatening him with her paintbrush full of oils.

“You scare me for sure. Maybe it will be the little one who brings your son down with her sweetness and kisses.

“Sophia definitely gets that from Lincoln,” Clarke said.

“BELLAMY!!” Leo called again.

“I’m shocked that you don’t think she gets her sweetness from her uncle,” he grinned.

She snorted. “Okay there, sweetness. Remember my mocha chip or you will regret it. And go save my son.”

“Yes sir, Commander of Death.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and threw her paint rag at his retreating back. She heard his laughter as he gathered up the kids and stuffed them in his car for the ice cream run. She couldn’t stop smiling.

Bellamy had been living with Clarke and her kids for three months and everything was blissful. Violet thought Bellamy had hung the stars, possibly literally, as he would take them out into the backyard and point out the constellations and tell the stories of how they’d been placed up there by the gods. Leo, being 8, and a whole two years older, considered himself above such fantasies, but still managed to follow Bellamy around whenever he was home and not working in his office. The office that he’d carved out of a space in the attic. Clarke had felt terrible, relegating him up to the third floor unfinished space and it’s steep staircase (really a ladder), but after he had renovated it, it had become the coziest spot in the house, with the angled roof and dormer window and ranks of bookshelves. Clarke was almost jealous.

Except he loved it when she curled up on his cozy chair to work on her sketches or read while he was writing at his desk late at night after the kids went to bed. If she fell asleep there, he’d rouse her with a kiss and guide her down the stairs and into their bedroom and make love to her, so softly, so sweetly, it felt like a dream.

Bellamy Blake was a dream.

She knew it was just the honeymoon phase and soon the little problems of daily living would sneak in and the things that they’d once thought were endearing would turn annoying. She knew that they’d get sick of having each other around and tired of being on their best behavior. That he’d want her to back off and give him some space and she’d get resentful of the time he spent on his work. Right? That was what had happened with Finn, after the kids had come and life had gotten too real.

But the kids were already there, and life was already real and grown up and they were already managing the bills and schedules and jobs and all that boring, dull adult stuff that had made Finn roll his eyes and tell her to figure it out. But Bellamy had never done that. He’d pushed her to make sure they were clear about finances, making sure that she was taking care of herself and her kids, and he was contributing fairly to the household, even though she had been the one to set everything up. Because he didn’t want to take advantage of her. That’s what he said. He was looking out for her, all the time. And it made her want to take care of him. And that would end at some point, right? Like it had with Finn?

But she’d never felt this way with Finn. She’d never felt this at peace, or accepted, or relaxed. She never felt like Finn had her back, she’d always been there for Finn, but could never depend on him to be there for her. But Bellamy was her partner in all things.

Clarke shook herself out of her day dream, she was supposed to be painting, not sitting here playing with her engagement ring, thinking about Bellamy. It was definitely a honeymoon period, right? Nothing could actually feel this good and last? No one could be as perfect as he was.

When her cel phone rang she jumped, already sliding back into her daydream. She shook her head and answered.

“Hi mom, whats up?”

“Nothing,” Abby said. “Nothing.”

Clarke read the nerves in her voice. She was feeling too good to let her stress her out. She decided to head it off. “If you’re calling to tell me that you and Marcus are getting serious, it’s okay. I already know. I will gladly accept him as my step father. He makes you happy, and you deserve some happiness.”

Abby laughed, taken off guard. “Well thank you Clarke. That’s the first time you’ve ever…never mind. I’m glad you can accept Marcus, but that’s not actually why I called, although your reaction, well, it just confirms my decision.”

“What? What decision?”

Abby took a deep breath. “Well, before your father died, when we were having those issues with Finn…”

Clarke felt her mood drop. When Violet had just been born, her parents and Finn had had a falling out. No one had ever really said what it was about. They didn’t want to worry her, it was nothing, but Finn had made it clear that he thought her parents were meddling and judgmental and he didn’t care to be around them. There had been so much tension around it that it had just been easier to… not visit them in New York. To not invite them to DC. To just… not.

“…And we decided to change our wills.”

“Huh?” This was not where Clarke had expected this conversation to go.

“You should have gotten a good deal of your father’s estate when he died, Clarke.”

“I thought it went to you, as his wife,” Clarke said. She hadn’t cared about money. She had only cared that she’d lost her dad, when they’d been estranged. The familiar pang shot through her. “I didn’t want the money, mom. Although Finn was pretty angry.”

“Good,” Abby said. And the word was more vicious than she was used to hearing her mother speak. “Then we were right to keep your inheritance in trust until we were sure.”

“Sure of what, mom?”

“Sure that you and the kids would actually get it,” she snapped.

“What?”

“That’s what it was all about, Clarke. Finn wanted us to bankroll his global adventures. He actually thought that you would follow him around the world saving everyone, with babies tied to your hip. And we weren’t going to pay for him to uproot you and the kids to feed his ego.”

It had been his plan, she remembered, and she’d been relieved when he’d stopped talking about it, even if it mean he was distant with her. But still. “You did that without telling me?” Clarke asked, a little shaken. “What if that had been my goal, too?”

“Clarke, did you want to travel the world with two babies?”

Clarke didn’t say anything and her mother didn’t belabor the point. “I didn’t call to bring up water under the bridge. I called to tell you that I’ve talked to the lawyers and signed all the papers. The money is all yours.”

“Money.”

“Yes. Your father’s entire estate. I never needed it. I never wanted any of it. I have plenty. This is for you. This is for you to start over. You can do whatever you want with it. Never work again. Buy a bigger house. Have a huge wedding. Travel the world with Bellamy… if that’s what you want,” she paused just in case. Just in case she really had wanted to travel the world with Finn. Which she hadn’t.

“Money,” she said again.

Abby sighed with relief, it seemed. She had been holding onto this for so long. Clarke could almost not believe it. “Yes, Clarke. Your inheritance. It’s all yours. Free and clear. You are a wealthy woman.”

“I want to go back to school.” The words came out of her mouth without conscious control.

“Oh,” Abby said with delight. “You want to try med school again.” Clarke could hear the smile in her voice.

Clarke stared at the paintbrush that was still in her hand. Cerulean blue. Like the sky. Like hope. “No. I want to go to school for art.”

There was a pause on the other end. “That’s great, honey.” Her voice was different now. Almost like it was full of tears.

“You don’t think I should?” she asked, like a challenge almost, remembering the discouragement she’d gotten when she considered taking art when she first went to college.

“No,” Abby said. “Oh, honey. No. I think it’s great. Art has always been something that made you happy. And I’ve seen your paintings. I do follow your instagram. They’re beautiful.”

“Octavia made me join.” Clarke didn’t know what to say. She might be in shock a little.

“You should do it. You should go back to school for art. It’s a great idea.”

Clarke laughed. She didn’t know why. “Because you gave up on me being a doctor?”

There was another pause. She could almost see her mother cocking her head at her sternly. “Because it makes you happy and you deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy, mom,” and all of a sudden she was crying. “I’m so happy. I don’t believe it I’m so happy.”

Her mom was silent for a while. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, honey,” she said. And after settling a few details, they said goodbye.

When Bellamy came home with the girls in tow, Clarke was sitting, silent, in shock a bit, on the couch. He handed Clarke her mocha chip ice cream while the kids went outside to play.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked as he sat next to her, a hand on her knee.

She looked at him. And she didn’t know what her face said to him, but he looked more worried and squeezed her knee. “Clarke, everything okay?” He leaned in.

She didn’t know what to say.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her close to him. “Tell me,” he said softly. She could tell he was worried.

She shook her head and huffed out a laugh. “We’re rich.”

She watched his face. The incomprehension. As if the words she said didn’t track. He blinked at her.

She laughed again. This time for real. “We’re rich, Bellamy. Rich.”

“What?”

She took his hand off of her knee and started playing with his fingers. He had a new cut from his latest woodworking project. She loved the calluses on his fingers. “I’m getting my inheritance from my father. I wasn’t expecting it. They’d been holding it in trust until Finn…”

“What?”

“Until Finn went away. Oh my god, Bellamy. My parents though Finn was trying to steal my inheritance. They thought he was a gold digger!”

“What’s happening here?”

Clarke turned in her seat, taking his hands in hers. “They were holding my inheritance in trust until they were sure that Finn wouldn’t get it. And now it’s mine. Everything my father had. The savings, the property, the investments.”

“You’re rich?”

She laughed. “Me? Us. We’re rich.”

He shook his head. Disbelievingly.

“What do you want to do, Bell?”

He laughed. “Have meatloaf for dinner? That one with the sauce you make?”

She fell into his lap then, wrapping her arms around his neck and tipping over the other side of him on the sofa, until she’d pulled him down on top of her. He wrestled his elbows up until he was propped above her. She combed his hair back from his face with her fingers. “I think I want to go back to school to study art studio.”

He breathed out a laugh. “Yeah? That’s great. Really you should. I’d love to see you taking your art seriously. But mostly I just love to see you doing something you love.”

“Really? It’s not too unrealistic? My mom thought at first I wanted to go back for med school.”

He snorted. “Med School? No way. She’s still thinking of you as a kid.”

“It used to be my dream. But my dream got taken up by living and now it doesn’t fit. Should I feel sad about that?”

“I don’t know, Clarke. I got my dream. Doesn’t quite seem real.” He kissed her so softly then. And she knew he meant her. She cupped his cheek in her palm. Her heart could barely fit in her chest. “Is this real? You’re rich?”

“You always knew I was rich. You used to mock me for being a spoiled princess, remember?”

“But that was a lifetime ago and you stopped being rich. And you were having such a hard time.”

“And you had a hard time growing up and you stopped struggling and got more secure. Things change.”

“No, I always feel like I’m struggling, even when I’m not. That never changed.”

“Well now you’re marrying into old money. Gosh. I don’t even know what it’s like to be an adult with money. As a kid I took for granted. Anything I wanted I got.” Clarke slid out from under Bellamy and shoved him to sitting. “What do you want Bellamy Blake? I’ll give it to you. That’s what I want to do with my money. I want to give you that feeling.”

He laughed and looked up at the ceiling. “There is absolutely nothing I want that I don’t have right in this moment. A job I love. A comfortable home. The kids. You. This is everything.”

She nodded and tucked herself up under his arm. “Yeah. It’s pretty perfect. I figure we’ll get past this honeymoon phase soon and you’ll get sick of me or I’ll get frustrated with you or we’ll get tired of this pack of kids or something will happen.”

“I would tell you nothing will happen, but something always happens.”

“My god what is wrong with us? This is a banner day and we’re sitting here waiting for the apocalypse.”

“You know,” he said, pulling her into his side and nuzzling her ear. “I’m so happy with you. Maybe we suffered enough. Maybe now we get the happily ever after story.”

She turned in his arms and kissed him deep and long. When they pulled apart for air, she ran her fingers down his cheekbone. “I’m not sure I believe in happily ever after. But we’re happy right now, and that’s the best story I can imagine.”

He smiled wide and bright and she was dazzled. “I have a good story,” he said and the smile turned dangerous as his hand slipped under her shirt.

“MOM!!!” came the yell from outside. They both jumped.

“I forgot they were out there,” Clarke said.

“UNCLE BELLAMY TELL VIOLET TO GIVE IT BACK!!”

“I got all wrapped up in you. I’m going to be a terrible step father.”

“Yeah right.” She snorted. “You’re the best dad and uncle ever. And you’re going to be the best husband, too.”

“God,” Bellamy panted and kissed her hard.

The screaming started again.

“WOULD YOU BRATS STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!!! MOM! BELLAMY TELL THEM TO SHUT UP!!!”

Clarke and Bellamy cracked up and pulled each other up off the couch. The kids barreled into the kitchen squabbling and bickering.

“Still happy?” Clarke asked Bellamy.

“So happy,” he said, before running to separate Violet and Penny before they got into an epic battle. Clarke sighed happily and followed him, ready to lay some peace down, whether they liked it or not.

#bellarke fan fiction #bellarke #fan fiction #coming home #multi chap #wow this story is old. here have a new chapter. #i love this one actually

[mourn2]

.?

#the prolonged silences between our conversations are genuinely driving me up tue fucking wall #if it were anybody else it wouldnt be an issue. itd be fine. i can deal with them from anybody else but not feom him apparently since i feel #like im going fucking crazy right now. genuinely what the hell is wrong with me. and i know its not because im overly attached its not that #i cant handle not talking for a while in fact most of the time i prefer it but with him its just unbearable its like im clawing my eyes out #im so scared to admit this but weve been falling apart anyway. when this first started i chalked it up to some platonic equivalent of the #honeymoon phase being over or whatever and actually made my peace with it for a while #but its not that i think. its a lot more. maybe the concept of losing him is becoming more and more real to me and maybe whats scaring me #the most is that i actually want it to happen so i can stop fuckijg feeling like im about to die and explode or something #im genuinely on the verge of a panic attack rn at the thought of telling him this but i should. like i have to. i csnt just run away this #time he deserves to know how im feeling right. theres always little mini versions of this where i text him a half truth to satiate myself #and he communicates with me about it and then for once we have a decent convo which smooths me over and makes me feel normal for a while but #it always fucking catches up to me and i just cant do it anymore i refuse to feel this fucking terrible about sometjing i cant even control #oh my god

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

For Tash or Bonnie - Anon please :) xx Hello again! It’s been a while and things have been pretty wonderful for me, but I seem to have found myself in a similar predicament to what I was in the last time we spoke, although not half as bad! 

You’ll be so disappointed, but when I said I’d never date anyone who does drugs ever again I ended up lying to myself and you. It’s been 16 months now and literally everything else is perfect about this one, but he has a strong weed smoking habit and it infuriates me. The thing is, I don’t really know why?

To refresh your memory, my ex started smoking weed and I hated it so when I presented an ultimatum he chose weed and that was that. Extremely hurtful and washed away any sense of worth I had, and resulted in a very long recovery process. 

I got into this relationship knowing he smoked almost every day, and while it made me uneasy, everything about him was just so damn amazing I let it slide. Compromise, you know? Nobody’s perfect. Then it started to creep up on me, and I spoke to him about it, and at the time he actually stopped and went down to once a week - and only one cone - major improvement and it made me feel a lot better. But I suppose we were still in the honeymoon phase of trying to impress each other, because little later we were back up to “only weekends”, and then I found out he was doing it behind my back through the week as well. Our first “fight” or disagreement ensued about 8 months into the relationship over weed and it’s never really been resolved since. I can’t describe or give a reason as to why I hate it so freaking much and because of this, all of my arguments are usually taken by him as invalid. The feeling of deep, deep hate I get can literally be physically felt in my stomach, it makes me angry, makes my hands tremble, tears well up and my mood changes for the rest of the day. When he does smoke, I don’t talk to him for the rest of the day whether we’re out and around friends or not. I don’t let him touch me or go near me or sleep next to me or anything. And it doesn’t even feel voluntary! That’s almost the worst part, my response to it feels more like an involuntary reaction - I can’t help it! So then he gets really upset and mad about that, but nothing changes. It is literally the only thing we fight over. He keeps saying that he needs more independent time where he can be by himself for a couple of days or whatever, but then I find out that on those days he tends to go to different friends’ houses to smoke. That really hurts and angers me because 1. he omits the truth when I ask about his day which is technically lying, and 2. He’s sneaking around my back to do it and 3. Is still doing it more days than not! I get why he does it that way - what I don’t know won’t hurt me, he doesn’t have to face my wrath and he can do it in peace and enjoy it without the guilt etc. I don’t know, in a way I wonder if he should just be with someone who enjoys it and relates to him more in that way. I mean, he’s been talking to this girl who’s a stoner/gamer (we met her a few weeks ago and is already one of the places he goes to when I’m not around for a smoke without me knowing) and their conversations just seem like they get each other and can relate more. They get excited about each others shit and talk about how much they love being stoned and how their perfect day would be getting stoned while playing games with a group of friends. Oh lordy I’m about to cry because that means he would never have a perfect day with me. ha. I just don’t know what to do. It’s becoming quite clear to me that he won’t change for me or his health or anything. He’s been smoking it for like 8 years, it’s literally a part of him now and I find that kind of lifestyle really sad, personally. I couldn’t convince you enough that he is perfect for me and he is the one I want for life, I just can’t live with this habit. I literally can’t, it makes me so unhappy, uncomfortable and sadly it makes me resent him and lose trust in him. I know your advice is probably going to be “break up with him”, but it’s just not worth it. He would be 100% perfect if he just didn’t smoke, he’s at a solid 99% right now hahaha! I almost need to know how to live with it. I feel like the more I resent him for it, the more he resents me and the more he’s going to want to do it because it’s the “forbidden fruit” so to say. He won’t compromise, we’ve tried that. It really is down to me. I don’t know what kind of advice to ask for, but you’ve helped me through so much I think I need to just sit back, let you assess the situation and go for it haha. I need help! And I am so sorry this is so extremely long xx

hey c!! long time no talk, it’s unfortunate it’s not under better circumstances aw <3

well if breaking up just isn’t an option for you, then it sounds like trying to find some compromise or a way to deal with people smoking weed is the only option ): would a compromise of him smoking but just not around you be something to consider? if he smokes around you then I think that’s a really valid request to make, if he fights you on it then he’s being extremely unfair and insensitive. but if he already does the compromise (ie. he makes sure to not smoke / get stoned around you) then that’s a little bit of a pointless compromise to suggest to him haha

if compromise is just completely off the table, then it sounds like coming to terms with & accepting weed is one of the few options left. ways to do this? learn absolutely all you can about marijuana -- everything from it’s nicknames to the chemicals involved and how it affects the body. a lot of the fear or anger around drugs can come from a lack of knowledge? so the more you know about weed, then the less you fear it and the easier it can be (well, sometimes) to accept it. ( side note: I’m not too sure about your knowledge of weed to begin with so I’m just starting from ground zero, apologies if I say things you already know! )

look at tables and charts that compare the use of marijuana to cigarettes, marijuana to alcohol? look at the chemical make-up of marijuana and what thc is, maybe even look into medicinal cannabis? if you read up on medicinal cannabis and why people advocate for it and what it can do for people, it could be something else that can help you feel a little less angry because you’re seeing how it can help you. obviously your boyfriend isn’t smoking weed for medicinal purposes haha, but it’s just something to think about and maybe a way for your brain to see marijuana in a different way. 

I won’t lie though, I feel like people who have their most of their lives revolving around weed are kinda lame )-: like I’m for recreational use and I think there’s a lot worse things that you could be doing, but when your bf and that gamer / stoner friend only talk about weed whenever they catch up, and that’s all they do? then that’s not entirely healthy. so dw c I think you’re all good -- he can definitely still have perfect days with you!! like it’s good for him to have you in his life, it’s good for him to push his limits and to expand his interest circles, it’s good for him to spend time around people who aren’t constantly smoking weed. 

the trust / independence although connected in some ways, is a different issue. I think it’s best to talk to him about the weed, first off? talk it through, let him know that you’re going to try and find ways to accept it, that you value the relationship and want to be with him enough to try and work past this!!!! but in turn? he needs to be more honest with you, lying isn’t helping. even if both you and I can see + understand to some degree why he’s lying about smoking? it’s not helpful. so talk to him and say that you’re going to work on acceptance, and in turn he needs to work on honesty? and the independence issue? I’m not quite sure what he means by that! so maybe ask him about it, ask if he feels stifled and what could help him feel more independent etc, see what he has to say. 

good luck c I hope all of this helps!! let me know how things go alright, love u xxx - tash

#advice #submission #drugs #weed #marijuana #drugs tw #relationships #trust #indepedence #c

[russellthornton]

What It Means When You Think of Someone Other Than Your Partner

You’re thinking about one person, but committed to another? It can be a sticky spot to be in when you think of someone else, so here’s what to do about it.

Thinking of someone else isn’t cheating! It’s either the point before you decide to cheat, or the point in which you simply question your relationship, but know not to cheat. If both explanations sound bad, it’s because they aren’t the best of situations to be in.

Stuck between two people that clearly hold your attention for very different reasons. One person might be the one you’ve been dating for years, while the other might be someone you met recently and gave you something you miss in your relationship.

Ten steps to follow to help make up your mind

Things may seem grim, and they very well could be. But they don’t have to be. With a bit of reflection and initiative, you can make the tough choices needed to solve your problem. [Read: How to handle a serious crush when you’re already in a relationship]

#1 Reflect on your relationship honestly. Are you happy, or could you afford to change a few serious things? Speaking bluntly, and without trying to offend anyone, if you think about someone else while in a relationship, it means something isn’t very right. You don’t have to panic if it’s just a passing thought, but if it’s someone you can’t stop obsessing about, you need to actually ask yourself why this is happening.

Maybe you don’t have enough sex, or maybe you argue too much and this other person is nice to you. Whatever it is, it makes an impact, which left you vulnerable enough to let this happen. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn’t notice]

#2 Reflect on this other person. What made you start thinking about them? What did you notice that made you think? In keeping with step one, this person did something that drew your attention. Figure out what that might be.

Did they make you laugh, or understand something that took you by surprise? Did they give you something meaningful, or show you that you have a lot in common? Were they paying attention to you, which made you feel flattered? Was it something shallow like their appearance? Dig deep and ask yourself why you’re falling for them.

#3 Put two and two together: does the intruder plug the holes found in your relationship? Well, do things make a little more sense now? If your partner is being mean lately, as in they just can’t stop arguing and picking fights with you, but this other person is nothing but sweet to you, then you have yourself a case of using someone else to fulfill your needs.

You fell for this other person, legitimately, because your partner pushed you away and you let yourself get swept away by someone else. Or you’re simply using this unsuspecting person, but you don’t love them. Often times, people still love their partner, they just find someone else that gives them what they’re thirsty for. That feeling of butterflies may be nothing more than you using someone for your own selfish needs.

That’s the same feeling you’d get if you’d been stranded in the desert for two days and then suddenly someone rescued you and gave you water. [Read: What am I doing with my life? How to break through the rut]

#4 Think hypothetically: if there weren’t major issues in your relationship, would this other person even be relevant? Something that helps with this is thinking back to a time when you and your partner were happy, but not in the honeymoon phase anymore, because let’s face it, the honeymoon phase is when you’re wearing blind goggles. Surely, there was a time after that when you both felt happy together and fulfilled. If you had that again, would you even be thinking of this other person?

#5 Think realistically: who do you speak to the most, and who do you want to speak to them most? Who do you miss, or spend more time with, and why? You know that urge you get when you really want to talk to someone, and no matter what you do to try and stop yourself, deep down you know you’re just delaying it? Well, who gives you that feeling?

There’s one person that does this to you, not both. If it is both, then it’s a different feeling, but not the one described here. This is the person you need to speak to every single day, the one you get anxious over, the one that you want to spend time with the most. The one who makes you feel complete, even if you have moments of sadness with them. [Read: What you need to do when you like someone but you’re already in a relationship]

#6 Now that you’ve got all the details in order, pick one person. At this point, it’s become clear you favor one person more than the other and that you love someone, and hopefully not the other. If somehow you’re unlucky and love both, then you surely love them for different reasons. Who feels more real, less selfish, more long-term? Who feels more like it’s just a reflection of what you’re missing and craving?

This may take time, picking one person, but it also might be easy after the previous steps. Every case is a different story, but what remains true in every situation, you are the third choice. Meaning if you feel torn and like you absolutely can’t pick, just be alone. If it sounds odd, think of it like this: do you want a love that isn’t strong enough to stand on its own, or do you want to be alone until you find a love that doesn’t let itself be shared with anyone else? [Read: In love with two people? How to make up your mind]

#7 Come clean to your partner. Something along the lines of “I just wanted to say that Bob/Jill really made me… reflect on our relationship. They’re so nice to me, and never yell out of impatience, and it made me… really want to work on things with you. I don’t want to have a better dynamic with someone else, I want to make us healthier,” works if you’re going to stay with your partner.

If you plan to leave, there really is no good way of saying things. Still, it’s best to start with the good times and work your way through a relatively brief explanation on what changed and where you’re at now, ending with the recent events.

#8 Take a break for a few days, not to do anything stupid, but let the dust settle and think of solutions. Simply talk it out then and there, if the timing is right. The timing is right if your partner takes it well, and realizes you mean it when you say you don’t have real feelings for the other person. Clearly, they know they have neglected points in your relationship and you simply saw them in someone else. That’s the extent of the situation.

It’s not the right timing if they didn’t react well, and they’re clearly distraught over the revelation. Just emphasize your feelings for them, explain you want to be with them, not anyone else, and that you will wait to talk until they’re ready. [Read: Love triangles and the confusing complications they cause]

#9 If you decide to move on with the other person, break things off in the best way you possibly can, and don’t judge, blame, or berate your ex. They will be angry, and frankly, they have a right to be. Take the heat. There’s nothing you could do or say to redeem yourself or make the pain more bearable for your ex.

There’s not much more to say about this step other than it’s not going to be pretty. It is one of those things that really… shouldn’t be pretty. Admit your fault, explain you didn’t cheat, and that you have no words to defend yourself. [Read: How to break up with someone you love]

#10 Don’t feel terrible, you did what was right either way. You never cheated. Lastly, after you’ve made peace with the situation, and your partner, you have to make peace with yourself. Sometimes, people push you out of love with their actions, after years of things like lies, abuse, sexual neglect, cheating, etc.

Other times, people simply grow apart. It’s also possible to love two people, for different reasons, but that just means you love aspects of the two, and not one person as a whole, so it’s best to stay alone.

[Read: Am I doing it? 8 signs you’re accidentally cheating already]

Thinking of someone else while in a relationship is one of those things that happens in most relationships at least once. If you love your partner, don’t be mortified, be motivated to change and take this as a warning. If you no longer love your partner, and move on with the other person, make peace with yourself and your ex.

The post What It Means When You Think of Someone Other Than Your Partner is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.