#honestly the past long while I've been so quiet in the tags | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xxmiracle · 5 months

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~𝐒𝐰𝐚𝐧 𝐔𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐝𝐚~

~𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐡~

a/n: I'm not sure how this turned out or if I'll continue it. It's an idea I've had for almost a year now, if you like it and want me to continue please tell me.

CW: Smoking, Blood, Probably OOC Characters, Ghost with kids

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Ghost steps out for a smoke break away from his office to be interrupted by two young playing past the bush.

Ghost steps outside taking the spot he claimed himself for his smoke breaks, a quiet spot that drowns as much sound from the training soldiers and moving vehicles. Coming back from a mission meant for him as a lieutenant was a bunch of boring paperwork despite how burnt out he must be. He took pride in doing his job well but he hated the endless boring paperwork that comes when he’s back on base. Lighting up his cigarette he let out an exhausted sigh breathing out a puff of smoke.

He intends to take his spot here as long as he can procrastinate in the paper work. He didn’t care if his Captain or anyone else gave him shit for it. Even so if it was urgent he would know.

Unfortunately he wasn’t alone, past the bush he saw two young boys of different ages guessing from their height. Walking as the older lead with his backpack and the younger followed with his purple cartoon stuffed bunny. He saw their mouths moving while talking but he couldn’t hear them, perhaps some children game. He hasn’t been a boy himself for a long time now. He doesn’t mean to be creepy to stare at the two young boys play, he honestly found amusement seeing the kids play but also on instinct he held his eyes on them especially the lack of supervision they had on base. Ghost could only assume the kids are the sons of a superior from how laid back and freely they walked around the place.

They played freely with one another in childish games such as tag. And perhaps it was just a big brother or sibling thing to do. The older boy took the stuffed bunny out of the little boys’ arms, running away laughing at how much it bothered his brother. Ghost almost felt bad for the poor boy, his big brother clearly had the advantage and he took over that. Though by instinct he worried over the danger of tripping running in dirt and rocks.

The little boy tried to run as fast as his brother but his shorter legs wouldn’t allow him. “James! Slow Down-” The little boy tripped on his own feet falling to the floor, his face getting hit from the impact too.

The older boy, James, came back to check on his brother as he sat on his knees crying, getting to the watchful ears of the man that stood from afar. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to trip.” Ghost could sense the panic that arose in the boys’ face, unsure what to do for his crying brother. He’s seen the look of uncertainty many times on men in his field, just never in young boys.

Whispering a string of curses he ditched his cigarette, pulling his mask down walking past the bush to the crying boy. He’s not sure what opposed him to do this but as the only adult available he guessed it had to be him to help. “Y’re alright, kid.” Pocketing his gloves he picked up the crying boy onto his feet dusting his clothes of any dirt.

“He’s bleeding.” The older kid pointed out. “Shit!” He cursed out he didn’t have anything with him that helped with a bleeding nose and even if he ran to get it the kid will probably get light headed from the blood loss. Feeling small hands tap his forearm, the older kid with his backpack open in his arms, hands him a cloth to take.

Now sitting on the steps of the building the Lieutenant held the cloth near young boys’ face catching any blood that fell instructing him to keep his head tilted forward to keep the blood from the esophagus. The bleeding wasn’t so bad anymore but the boy did show concern of the blood getting on his shirt. The older boy, James, sat next to his brother asking him if he’s alright every few seconds the little boy could only respond with soft weak hums of response. “Can you hold it yourself?” The boy responded with a quiet “Yeah”.

“Forward.” He reminded me. “Okay!”

Now they sat in silence for a few moments. “My name’s James. What’s your’s?” James introduced himself by asking the older mans’ name. “Ghost.” He responded. James looked at him curiously. “Why Ghost? You have a skull mask?” He pointed towards his mask. Though Ghost understood the concept of his callsign when he wears a skull mask. Though he found the question more bearable to answer when it’s the kid.

“And I’m Tommy!” The younger boy blurted before he could answer, wiping his nose of blood. “And that’s Bonnie. From Five Nights at Freddy’s.” He pointed to the stuffed bunny sitting between him and Ghost.

Ghost eyes softened a bit at the name, it’s been years since he’s heard of the name. “Yeah, is that a show?” His question seemed to spark an excitement into their faces. “It’s a scary game.” Seeing how the man seemed to atleast to be interested they took turns ranting about a game of where you play as a security guard in a pizzeria where you must survive the night from animatronics.

The older man couldn’t really understand what they were saying as he doesn’t know what “Five nights at Freddy’s” is but from their description of the game it seemed much for kids who look barely ten and possibly four. What things kids enjoy these days are kinda odd, though he felt relaxed at the moment so he didn’t bother to stop the conversation.

Deciding to finish their little rant he would ask the question. “Who’re boys with?”

“Uncle Price.” Now this was surprising; the Captain has nephews.

James held a guilty expression. “I ran away from his office and Thomas wanted to come with me.” He admitted fiddling his two thumbs. “Don’t tell, Please, Dad will get mad at me!” His round eyes begging to Ghost. He looked away for a moment and sighed, patting the kids’ head.

“I won’t tell, kid.” He said, Jame’s face bursted into a smile.

Thomas looked between the two, he stopped wiping his nose when he felt like he wasn’t bleeding. He wiped his nose a few times more just to be sure. “Do we have to go back to Uncle Price’s office? He smells like cigarettes.” The question was innocent but Ghost couldn’t help but let a deep chuckle out when it was so true the old man smelled of cigar most of the time.

Digging into his backpack James’ brought out a juice box. “Thomas, want one?” When he nodded yes he opened the straw of the juice box poking it in the hole before handing it to his brother. “Mister Ghost, want one too? I brought extras.” He looked at James’, his eyes almost pleading him to take the juice box.

“Why not, kid.” Accepting the juice box lets the kid have that same bright smile as he sat back down on his own spot opening his own. Opening the packet the straw was held in he poked the straw into the box lifting up his mask to drink it. He’ll probably call Laswell to take the boys, afraid the smell of cigar from the old man is gonna have the kids running away again.

~~~~~

“John,”

With a few rings of the ringtone he’d answered the computer’s facetime call revealing the face of Kate Laswell. She didn’t often call him like this so this was sudden, if this was about work he’d expected to get an email to talk about it in person.

“Laswell,”

“Have you read the files yet?” She smiled, earning Price’s suspicion.

“Yes,” He showed the file he’d received from her hours ago. “Though I’m a bit disappointed this is all you can find of her.” He said flipping through the few pages of information he was given, some of it wasn’t even reliable as some still had gaps in between.

“Well she did learn from us.” She chuckled. “Why do you want her whereabouts so bad?” She’d asked. When John came to her for a favor she wasn’t expecting this she didn’t know what he’d wanted with this but she’d did it not because they worked together but also as his friend. Price didn’t answer but he held a complex expression. “Feel guilty.” He’d stayed silent for a moment moving his hand to scratch his beard. “You could say that.” Assuming that was the end of their conversation he was about to end the call.

“Oh John, another thing.” He looked at her puzzled. “Have you lost anything?” All he could do was stare in confusion, raising his brows.

Laswell just chuckled again now he felt like she was messing with him. Like the times she’d call football ‘soccer’ just to annoy him. “Boys, say hi to your uncle.” She showed the camera to the backseat of her car showing the two boys, James and Thomas.

“Hi.”

“Bye,” The boys looked at each other in surprise, Thomas was quick to cover his mouth after blurting the opposite of hello. “I meant hi.”

“What are they doing with you?!” Price looked bewildered at the computer; he swore the kids were fine in the other fine playing with their games. Looking at them they seemed okay except for the dried blood and a small scrape on Thomas' nose. “What the hell happened with his nose?!”

“Ghost called, said he found them outside of the west building. He took care of them till arrived.” She explained she was gonna comment on how stressed out he looked but decided she messed with him enough. “I thought I’d take them out for ice cream and bring them back to you.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” He heard the cheering about ice cream from the boys before he’d ended the call.

Pinching the bridge of his nose he could only brood how’s he’s potentially gotten soft, he’s a fucking captain for fuck’s sakes yet he couldn’t notice two little boys sneaking out of his office. He could blame the tiredness in him but even Laswell it’s something more than that. Those boys are worth more that he won’t even bother getting mad at them for sneaking away, either way he knew their mother would have his head if found out anything happened to them.

Looking at the file almost seemed to confirm that.

______________________________________________________________

NAME: 66

CODENAME: [UNKNOWN]

ALIASES: [REDACTED]

D.O.B: [REDACTED]

GENDER: [UNKNOWN]

NATIONALITY: [UNKNOWN

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butchbenrey · 5 months

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the needlessly long and dramatic answer to "what the hell happened?"

or: a personal account of the horrors within the hlvrai fandom and how i (didn't) cope

hiya. this is butchbenrey aka xenodogartz aka xenodogz.

hopefully this'll reach the right people without me maintagging it. just, i dunno, send it to people who may be curious or something.

tl;dr- i let all the love for my work these past 2 years get to my head and got dangerously attached to my interpretations of the characters, especially these past few months as i've been going through a lot of physical, emotional, social, and transitional distress. all the while dealing with the consequences of being a popular artist in a niche community, such as the occasional rumors, maintagged hate, small communities dedicated to smearing me and my friends, accusations of being vaguely dangerous to minors somehow, deeply parasocial followers, etc. i'm a mentally ill + audhd 20 year old, so i can't really handle shit like this. thus, i'm saying goodbye to the hIvrai fandom for my own sake. i'll like fanart here and there, but i'm not posting about it, not reblogging it, not adding anything more to it. i really just want people to forget i was ever here so i can know peace again.

the long, considerably more personal version:

i'm a pretty transparent person. i'm bad at lying, i'm bad at keeping my mouth shut, and i have a tendency to overshare. but hey, this is the oversharing website, and you clicked on this. if you're the nosy type, this'll be the jackpot for you.

to get some more time-relevant things out of the way first:

no, this isn't a result of One Post. i promise you, i've dealt with a lot of One Posts in my time, i can handle One Post. i have been wanting to break away from this fandom for a while anyways, evidenced by the lack of any serious fanart recently and my new gordie and benrey expies. this, alongside some more personal events in my life, were just the final pushes to get it over with.

to address some claims from that One Post anyway, because it's the most commotion around me that there's been in a while, i hate when people just get away with lying about me, and it doesn't seem like OP wants to share my response:

a) i have never once claimed to own transfem gordon freeman. ever. i don't think i've ever claimed to be the sole owner of gordie either. i've always said she wasn't technically mine, and i've always encouraged other people to make their own designs and interpretations of a transfem gordon if they wanted.

b) all of my nsfw art is correctly tagged (nsft, hornyvrai, not in any main tags), under the sexual content community label, and censored. minors cannot just accidentally stumble across the porn i make. they'd have to be lying about their age to get past the community label, have the nsft and hornyvrai tags unblocked, and deliberately choose to click on the links i provide.

c) i, evidently, did not leave the internet. i'm honestly shocked that both that one anon and the OP would lie about that when all you'd have to do to disprove it was... look at my main blog. on the same note, i didn't leave all my discord servers??? i guess someone was in 2 servers with me, saw me leave one for personal reasons literal days before that post dropped, then saw me leave the public server after that post dropped, and just... assumed that was every server i was in??? and people just believed them??????

d) i never sent any of my friends or mutuals or followers to comment on that post or send OP asks or what have you. in fact, i actively discouraged my friends from chiming in once i realized they had been doing it. in my ideal timeline, everyone would've just ignored that post and left OP alone. genuinely. all i want is peace and quiet.

e) i can't believe i have to say this but you probably shouldn't be tagging petty posts about a weird comment you got one time with two very active fandom tags. and you probably shouldn't be admitting to cyberstalking or calling people delusional in those posts too. or just straight up lying about the person you're talking about. you're pretty shitty at cyber sleuthing if you come out the other side with entirely wrong information that you're weirdly confident about, and an openness to believing literally any anon you get who seems to dislike me too

this isn't me denouncing hlvrai as a whole or anthing like that. i love hlvrai, i do, it's literally just the fandom i have a problem with.

i guess that about takes care of the prelude. yeah, that was just the start. if you're still here then you're dedicated to listening to me ramble so don't try to complain about it.

so i got into hlvrai around like... december of 2021. i'd been a fan of r/t/v/s and the gnome series for a bit longer. i held off on hlvrai because i just kinda assumed it wouldn't appeal to me, as someone who's been staunchly uninterested in action shooter games since i was a wee lad. but, y'know, i ended up liking it, obviously. a lot.

my first real interactions with the fandom were entirely with nsfw artists. to this day, i'm still friends with the person who first welcomed me in and let me into their discord servers. it was right around this time that i created gordie, too. i'm sure that phrasing is having some of you roll your eyes, but stick with me here, i promise i'll get to that.

i made her completely self indulgently. genuinely at first my entire reasoning behind transing her gender was "god i wish this series had women in it" <- lesbian. i honestly didn't care that much for gordon before i adopted that headcanon, and after that she became a huge part of my life and my identity. i'm sure that may sound silly to some of you, but i'd again like to remind you: i have issues in my brain. she was a comfort character in the truest sense, she was (and maybe still is?) my hyperfixation for nearly two years. these past two years that, i must stress, have been incredibly difficult for me. so, put yourself in my shoes for a second. i'm gonna describe the situation i was gradually put in:

i draw a couple pictures of my transfem gordon design and get more attention and (more importantly) interaction on those posts than i ever had before. i keep drawing her, keep writing about her. i meet a lot of very dear friends thanks to her because she was a conversation starter, something people knew me for. people keep drawing fanart specifically of my transfem gordon design, with a total of 349 images on toyhou.se before she got flagged. this is what everyone associates me with. they send me asks about her, they draw her for me, when i join a server it's "oh wait you're the person who drew that transfem gordon aren't you?"

for like a solid year i was Known in the hlvrai fandom. i still am, to some extent, mostly as a vague memory, which is good. i hope it continues to be that way, and my mark on the fandom continues to fade. i'm saying this genuinely. because here's the thing about being a mentally ill/disabled 20 year old just coming out of one of the worst breakdowns of my life and suddenly gaining more attention and love and flattery than i could've ever imagined i would get ever: it fucked with my head bad.

over this period of time i've gone through more transitions and shakeups and breakups than i wouldn't have been able to handle if it weren't for the hlvrai fandom, yes, but more specifically gordie and benrey. i had my first major delusional/dissociative episode,dropped out of college because of it, redisovered my lesbianism, worked a new shitty manual labor job that destroyed my creativity, lost my best friend of ~7 years, applied for college again, organized and largely paid for a trip with a lot of online friends, moved into my new college, forgot what gender was, began having a crisis of whether or not i felt love, dealt with kidney stones and other assorted comorbidities for around 3 months (in which i had to go to the ER by myself twice), got a new apartment, and lost two more friends which sent me into a prolonged paranoid episode that i'm still experiencing. et cetera. i'm saying all this not to gain your sympathy (though to be fully honest i do think i deserve 1 million dollars and a standing ovation and then peace and quiet forever) but to really emphasize this crucial point: gordie and benrey were two of the only stable things in my life. my autism clung to them like a lifeline. the versions of those characters i constructed in my head were critical parts of my identity and i saw them (and, to be honest, i still do) almost as parts of my support system. essential coping methods.

but. y'know. the problem here is that they weren't mine. i knew this, i knew it all too well, and i tried to fight it while still sticking within the confines of non-ownership, which might actually be impossible. i would see designs that looked like mine and feel violated, because my brain recognized them as a sort of uncanny valley mimicry of the characters that had been my whole life for a significant time. i knew, logically, that even if these people were directly copying me, i would have no leg to stand on when it came to making any of it stop, because... they weren't my characters. i had no right to do that. i'd see people use "gordie" as a catchall term for transfem gordons, and even though i knew the name i chose for mine wasn't particularly creative and that people had been using it as a nickname for gordon for years, i still felt violated and scared and confused.

the question of why i didn't just make them ocs at that point is. a very good one. to be honest i think it came back around to how strongly attached to those characters i was, how important their context was, and it felt difficult or wrong to change them. it's still hard, but i'm getting used to it.

aside from the gordie stuff... this fandom was (using past tense because i haven't seen any of it anymore, so hopefully it's completely fallen to the wayside) bafflingly sex negative to a dangerous degree. the worst of it was before i ever joined, which i'm thankful for, but that doesn't mean i never came face to face with any of it. because i was Tapped In to what was going on, i was able to block all the problem people before the harassment got really bad. my friend faced the worst of it. i still consider myself very lucky i was able to sort of sidestep all that. didn't mean i was free from being on DNIs, free from adults showing my art to minors so they could make fun of it together (yeah. i know. it's bad!), free from insane rumors, all that. my nsfw art, alongside like 2 posts i made about something as banal as blue-skinned benrey, left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. let me tell you, it's fucking weird to be in a position where different people you've never met before are consistently talking about you in hushed tones. i got the name "youknowwhodogz" out of it though, which is very funny, so who's to say if that whole experience was good or bad.

there were the smaller discourses here and there, which i consistently weighed in on despite knowing damn well i was making everything worse. i'm sure you can see a pattern, if literally anyone is still reading this. i'm pretty bad at keeping my mouth shut. ultimately, there was no one thing anyone said, not even one shared sentiment among several people, that pushed me away from this fandom. it was Everything together combined with a slow degradation in mental health (almost) unrelated to anything hlvrai. that's mostly what i wanna get across here. after a long time, i'm severing my ties to people and communities that do me more harm than good. it's really tough right now, but i know that in the future, i'll be very happy i finally took the initiative.

i dunno how anyone's gonna take this, but my hope is that it at the very least gives you a bit more context as to why i've been acting so erratic lately, and why i've decided to be done with all this. admittedly though, this was mostly for me. i just wanted to organize all my thoughts, finally be transparent about it, and stop worrying about whether or not people on tumblr are gonna speculate about my disappearance from the hlvrai fandom at large. so, y'know, make fun of me for writing something this drawn-out and dramatic about the funny gmod series or whatever, i don't care anymore. because i know why this series, and two specific characters in it, affected me so much. and i'm not ashamed of that, honestly. i think it's kind of cool of me to be this autistic about something.

anywho. thank you for reading, if anyone did. sorry for treating tumblr like a diary, it will happen again.

#barking #sayonara you weeaboo shits #<- mostly affectionate

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the-sun-is-also-a-star · 6 months

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"For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me."

-- If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

“Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.”

-- On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

and as for poetry, i like to talk about "Written in my Dreams by W. C. Williams" by Allen Ginsberg with other people because it's short and rolls over the tongue nicely and i like to come back to it, puts a smile on my face, you know?

i'll also never forget "A Carcass" by Charles Baudelaire from when we read it at school years ago and then again in high school and i have now chosen Les Fleurs du mal as one of the books for my oral school leaving exam, so it's definitely one of those authors i read once and was never able to get out of my head

and last but not least, Louise Glück (may she rest in peace) and her "Theory of Memory" which includes the ending "Right now you are a child holding hands with a fortune-teller. All the rest is hypothesis and dream." and i simply don't have a choice but to love this one

i have so many more favourites, but these are the ones i can think of right now hehe <33

what r ur favourite poems and quotes??

those are brilliant actually

mine are quite, different to what one may think but i like finding meaning in things that other people think are only surface level :

思い出なんかいらん - we don't need memories

this is from the anime haikyuu LMAO which is a fucking volleyball anime and it is the team motto of one of the teams. It is quite honestly my life motto at this point. I used to live in the past, excused people for thing they do now because they were different in the past. they were different in my memories. I was so focused on the past i forgot to enjoy my present. I am done doing that. My memories hold me back. I am tired of it.

"to love and lose and still be kind" - warsan shire

this is pretty self explanatory. i dont think I've had a hard life. but i certainly haven't had an easy one. i have a habit of giving too much of myself to people. I'm working on rectifying that whilst still being kind.

"but i cut people out like tags on my clothing" - conan gray

I LOVE people watching its one of my favourite songs. but this line is really important to me. I've cut the tags off of my clothing for as long as I can remember. ever since i was a kid. I also have a habit of cutting out people the second they break my trust. as easy as cutting off tags from my clothing. I don't think its a good habit or a bad habit. it just. is.

"It's always the ones who are quietest who often have the greatest things to say" - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This is from one of my favourite books of all time. I was a quiet child for a while. I never got excited for anything and after a while my parents suspected I had childhood depression, we still don't know for sure if I did. It makes a lot of sense though. It took me a while to become confident in my own voice and my own opinions. this quote is really important to me.

"Men don't cry. My daddy taught me that. Men don't cry because they don't have time to cry.

I must not have been a man yet because I cried. I bowed my head and cried." - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This isn't personal to me in anyway, I just really, really love this part of the book and these two lines in particular.

"I'll be your hands." "I'll be your sanity." - TJ Klune, Ravensong

love has always been something I've read about. but this quote takes the damn cake.

as for poems,

At a Funeral by Dennis Brutus

I analyzed this poem for an English Lit class and the story behind why it was written really stuck with me. It was written after the death of Valencia Majombozi who was shot on the day of her graduation from nursing school. Its a protest poem and it just hits really fucking hard.

Death of a Naturalist by Seamus Heaney

This was the first poem that i ever took inspiration from. I had of course written before, but I really enjoyed Heaney's writing style so it strongly influenced my poem Quietude, which I am planning to submit to the empty inkwell publication...hopefully lol

Identity Card by Mahmoud Darwish

This poem is written as a form of protest poetry as well. Mahmoud Darwish was a Palestinian poet, for those of you who do not know and he wrote this poem about being asked for his identity card by Israeli Officers. Its really, really good.

#IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG JSHSKSJSK #this was really fun to make tho #poems #poetry #quotes #english literature #literature #poets #mahmoud darwish

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kuramirocket · 2 months

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I came across posts you wrote a long time ago about Piper Halliwell and had to reach out to thank you. It seems like literally everyone LOVES Piper Halliwell, praising her as not just their favorite Charmed one but one of the best TV characters ever, and finding someone else who dislikes her was honestly the most validating experience I've had on this site! I recently rewatched a bunch of episodes and couldn't get over just how awful Piper is past the very first season. Fans are like 'all hail our sass queen!' like it's somehow a good thing that she goes out of her way to be ridiculously mean and bitter. She never, ever, ever stops complaining about everyone and everything, and it's not just that she's always in a terrible mood---it's that she directly takes that mood out on Leo and her sisters constantly, insulting and criticizing them nonstop. (Can you believe some people here think Piper was "too good" for Leo?! The man is a saint for patiently putting up with that shrew!) And she's always praised for her heart, but while the other three actually care about innocents, Piper is always the one whining about just wanting a "normal life" and throwing literal tantrums over things like wanting a better wedding or which of two great guys she should choose while there are literal LIVES at stake lol. Speaking of which, on a show about women destined to be witches, who thought it was a good idea to have one of the three main characters whine about how much she hates being a witch in Every. Single. Episode?! She's just such a completely unpleasant character with literally the worst attitude I've ever seen, and I can honestly say she ruins the show for me. (Disliking the turn they took with Phoebe's character didn't help either!) She was unapologetically terrible even before Prue's death, and it blows my mind that fans hate Prue for being too "harsh" when Piper is like a million times worse! Thank you for bravely speaking out so that all three of us who dislike her know we're not alone!!

Hello :)

Wow, I cannot believe it's been 5 years since I watched Charmed when I made those posts. And I never did finish watching the rest of the series 😭 So, naturally it's on my to rewatch and actually finish it this time around watch list. Lol

And I'm glad I could make you feel validated. When you, unfortunately, hate or dislike a character for whatever reason, especially one a majority of fans like, it's always nice to find like minded people. It's why I'm not quiet in my opinions. I want people to have a fun and safe space in fandoms even if that's just to discuss dislike for a fan favorite! Which is why if I am anti a specific character I try to tag properly so fans who do like the character can avoid my personal thoughts. And ofc, this means also never directing said dislike towards the fans who like specific characters. I just let people enjoy what they enjoy even if I do not.

Anyways, I'm surprised people view Piper as sassy. From what I remember, I never saw her as sassy, just annoying her complaints and plotline. And yeah! Prue maybe was 'harsh,' but she's the eldest and had that responsibility of caring for her younger sisters. She had a lot of weight on her shoulders. It's why she was serious a lot of the times and seemed to be hit the hardest by their mother's death from what I recall.

I wish I could comment more, but since it's been years don't remember a lot of details.

This ask made me smile, tbh. Again, glad you were happy to find my rants validating xD

#asks #charmed #anti piper halliwell

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xknivesandpensx · 7 months

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Like Pieces of a Puzzle

Chapter 11

Summary: What if Harry wasn't the only extra student called upon to participate in the Triwizard Tournament? Far from the most popular candidate, Draco not only has to take on the trials but also deal with his unexpected feelings for Hermione. Will he be able to face the challenges as well as follow his heart? Chapter length will vary. I'll be referencing both the books and movie versions. Some things from what I've previously written will be mentioned, all of which you can find here. And for those who asked to be tagged: @dayane245love

Hermione expected Harry not to show up at the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. She merely went down to talk to Ron, to see if he changed his mind. Clearly, he hadn’t. His overall blunt remarks sent her away from the table. On her way out, she grabbed a napkin, filling it up with pieces of warm toast.

It was hard not to notice Draco as she passed the Slytherins. There he sat, talking to Pansy, going on about the tournament. She looked rather impressed and even reached out and touched his arm while laughing at something he said.

A spike of jealousy hit out of nowhere, almost freezing her in place. Even if he drew away immediately, the feeling burrowed into her stomach. Hermione pressed her lips together, deliberately keeping her gaze forward (repeating ignore the, ignore them, ignore them in her head as if it actually helped).

The portrait swung open when she reached it. Harry had come through and nearly banging into her in the process.

“What happened to your nose?” she questioned. It appeared swollen and possibly broken. Hermione would’ve seen it last night yet by the time everyone stopped crowding him, she already went to bed, growing too tired to wait any longer to talk to him.

Harry dragged his fingers through his already messy hair. He didn’t think it came across too noticeably. “Malfoy and I decided to get into a row. As you can tell, it went real well. I’ve got the blood stains on my shirt to prove it.”

It stopped bleeding when he joined everyone in the common room. No one paid it any mind, too excited to celebrate. The endless questions, arguing with Ron, what he’d give for a normal school year. No danger, no life-threatening situations.

Hermione rose a brow and shoved the toast into his arms. “Honestly, the two of you getting into a fight, I’m sure the professors were displeased.” She grabbed her wand and pointed it at him. “Episkey. That’s better, isn’t it.?”

His nose felt very hot, then cold right before the bone snapped back into place. “Ouch.” He rubbed his hand along his face and the pain started to settle. “Thanks. What’s all this for?”

“I figured you’d avoid people as long as possible so I brought you breakfast,” Hermione replied, now thinking it over. “I should’ve grabbed more. You’re probably really hungry. I could go back. Maybe get some pumpkin juice too.”

“No, this is enough. I appreciate it.” He paused for a second, thinking of someplace quiet to go. The library didn’t allow food and he hardly felt like sitting in the common room. “Want to walk around the lake?”

Hermione nodded. They took many flights of stairs downward before breaking into the chilly morning air. The sound of chirping birds lingered in the background, adding to the peacefulness.

Unable to prevent himself from asking, Harry felt immense relief in hearing how she remained on his side, believing him despite almost everyone else either accusing him for cheating or sending their praises for getting past Dumbledore’s enchantment encircling the Goblet.

“It never entered my mind once,” she clarified, taking a piece of bread. “The same for Draco. I am worried though. The challenges you’ll have to face are dangerous. And I know you’ve managed to get out of horrible situations before, but this is well…”

“Intentional?” Harry specified. “It’s always been in a way, if you think about it. Only this time round it has nothing to do with Voldemort. Cedirc and the others must think I’m a foul git for wedging my way in.”

“I highly doubt it. Well, in Cedric’s case anyway. He doesn’t seem the type.” At least from what she gathered from their brief trek to the portkey together near the end of summer. “I can’t say much for Viktor and Fleur. They might take a while before they realize the truth of the situation.”

“As in someone else really fancied me participating.” Harry nibbled on the crust, trying to get himself to eat despite enduring no sense of hunger. It dissipated soon after getting up. “Dumbledore’s clueless too.”

“What about Professor Moody?” Hermione made sure not to forget to place the inquiry. So far, her suspicion rested on him, yet she attempted to remain open-minded considering how they wrongly accused Snape in the past. “How did he take the whole thing?”

Harry shrugged. “Like everyone else, I suppose. He had a pretty good idea on how, but not so much on who.” He kept his head down, trying to recall the whole conversation.

The commotion fogged most of the specifics. While he no longer suspected Draco, taking into account his lack of motive and the way he acted, he still didn’t consider themselves in the same predicament, not really.

“Has your scar bothered you lately? Any odd dreams?” The thought constantly remained at the back of her mind and the lull of silence provided a good a time as any to get an answer, more of an honest one anyway.

Harry was surprised she remembered provided everything going on, then again, maybe not. He grew used to Hermione’s attentive nature early on. She tended to bring things up too much or at the worst time.

“No pain since the other day,” he confirmed, unwilling to linger on the subject too long. “As for the other, a barely slept last night to find out.”

“And about Ron.” Hermione paused after nodding, tentative to so much as say his name. “Shouldn’t the two of you try to talk? I just know if given a chance, you’ll manage to fix things.”

“I reckon he didn’t make the suggestion. If Ron doesn’t believe me that’s his problem.” Harry grew slightly agitated, already cross that one of his best friends thought so low of him.

“He’s jealous, you know? Try looking at it from his point of view,” Hermione went on to say, disregarding his tone. “It’s not your fault or anything, but you’re always the center of attention and he gets shoved to the side. I’m not saying he’s right to be angry in this particular situation. Although, I do understand why.”

“Well, I’d gladly switch places anytime. He can have a scar on his forehead, making everyone gawk and stare. He can try living with a family who starves him and knocks him about for merely existing. In fact, speaking of the Dursleys, I’m sure they’d be thrilled knowing I’ve managed to put my life in danger again. Probably waiting for the day they get a letter informing them I tragically died so I’m no longer a bother.” Harry chucked a piece of toast, causing a few birds to jump away, before they fluttered back to try and nab the free food. He took a second to collect himself, letting out a heavy breath. “Can we please drop it, Hermione? Regarding Ron, anyway?”

“For now. As for your aunt and uncle. I hate it when you talk like that. I wish things were different, I really do. I’m sure Dumbledore thought they’d take you in properly.” Hermione slowed down, remembering something. She abruptly took hold of his arm, causing him to skid to a stop. “You should write to Sirius. Immediately. He’d want to know.”

Harry regained his footing after nearly losing his balance. “And give him an excuse to show up?” He needed his godfather more than ever, for even his presence would sooth his troubles, but he couldn’t ask for his help. “In case you forgot, the Ministry’s still after him. What good would it do anyone if he got caught and landed back in Azkaban?”

Sirius, not excluding Lupin by any means, remained to be the individual closest to his family left who cared about him in such a way. If only they managed to clear his name, then perhaps living together might not only be a dream they shared and more of a reality.

Hermione let go, coming around to face him fully. “I realize how much he means to you, but he’s going to find out anyway. The whole tournament will be in the Daily Prophet. Especially, seeing as two extra students are now participating. Let him hear it from you.”

Harry reluctantly gave in, aware as much. Although apprehension remained, her logic persisted. “All right, fine. We’ll head to the owlery then.”

Harry insisted on discussing something new, bringing up classes as an alternative as they changed their intended route. When they arrived, he wrote a quick note, using one of the school’s owls instead of Hedwig, as Sirius suggested. She nipped at his fingers again, unhappy to be put aside.

Returning to the grounds, Hermione suggested they remained outside for a little while longer, glad to enjoy the weather. She saw a Draco, flanked by Crabb and Goyle, from afar no more than a few minutes after the proposal left her lips. It got her wondering why he left the attention he gained behind for near solitude. To her surprise, Cedric stood there speaking to the group. He soon noticing the pair heading past and stretched his arm, calling Harry over.

They traveled down the small incline, able to hear the light lapping of water amid a hushed chatter. Now in full view of Draco, she noticed the reddish mark on the side of his face, the light shade suggested the bruise wouldn’t darken much in color. Hermione supposed neither he nor Harry even attempted to see Madam Pomfrey for their injuries.

Cedric tried his best to ignore the evident tension between the two boys, for they exchanged exasperated expressions. Being in his sixth year, he didn’t know much about them, not counting the obvious Boy Who Lived story everyone went on about, especially when he first arrived.

“I’m glad I don’t have to go searching for everyone now.” He was directed outside while looking for Malfoy, yet Harry’s whereabouts were a mystery considering he never came down to breakfast. “Dumbledore asked for all the champions. He said something about a wand weighing ceremony.”

“Meaning he wants to check your wands,” Hermione stated, gaining attention. “It’s a traditional part of the Triwizard Tournament. It’s necessary for them to ensure they’re in perfect functioning condition for the tasks ahead. I read all about it.”

“Real shocking.” Draco hardly meant to say anything at all to her, the words just came out. Which led him to go on, pretending it hadn’t caused his face to heat up. “So busy reading all hours of the day. It’s no wonder you prattle on and on. As if anyone actually cares what you know.”

He avoided calling her a Mudblood (almost slipping while in need to dig the insult in a bit more) on the account of Cedric being a Prefect. Why unnecessarily loose points or get detention?

All the while, Draco tried desperately to prevent his gaze from lingering. He failed miserably given how the sun shined like a halo from behind her head, providing a soft glow against her brown hair, highlighting her features perfectly.

She had no right to stand there in such a captivating manner.

“At least Hermione spends her time learning things,” Harry defended, returning the glare Draco sent his way. “Can’t say much about you.”

Cedric moved between them, intervening before things escalated. “Let’s not have a repeat of last night. Besides, everyone’s waiting on us. I’m sure Viktor and Fleur are already there.”

Draco rolled his eyes prior to gesturing for Crabbe and Goyle to stay, no longer in need of their company, much less the pointless babble. He trailed behind, not noticing Hermione slow her pace until she fell in line right next to him.

“It might be smart of you to know a little more about what you’ve gotten into, don’t you think?” she questioned, trying to hide the apprehension building inside. His insults were expected but she refused to be fazed by them. Her worry for him and Harry mattered more than his callous ridicules.

“Trying to give me advice? You’ve got to be joking.” He sidestepped the slightest bit, falling straight into a jealousy complaint. “You and Potter looked quite cozy this morning. You must feel terrible having your little romantic stroll ruined.”

Draco noticed how close they were. With Ron nowhere in sight either. The idea of it irked him, it blatantly caused a layer of vexation to wash over.

“And you must feel completely awful tearing yourself away from Pansy. Her concern is ever so present.” The counter surprised even herself, not intending to match his (assumedly) taunting joke by means of something she meant to keep concealed.

Hermione inwardly chastised herself and dashed ahead, accidently brushing his shoulder in the process. Before he had a moment to consider the comment, a spark jumped up his arm. It sent his thoughts reeling, rattling every nerve in his body. Just how much longer did he have to ignore the pulsating, affection driven ache in his chest before it disappeared for good?

He knew disregarding his feelings proved useless though, they’d likely drive him mad if he carried on this way. Did he have to take some drastic measures to force them aside? All Draco knew for sure was he needed to figure out a solution and fast.

#dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #harry potter #the goblet of fire #i read it over so much yet never feel like it's done XD #but that big storm is heading my way #and i want to post this sooner rather than later #nice comments are always appreciated #sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes

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not-poignant · 2 years

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Just curious since it's been a while since the last time but will you be writing any fic for characters or properties that are not your own in the near future?

You can just call it fanfic! :D :D

I'd like to, but I frankly haven't been hugely into any fandoms for a couple of years. Or the fandoms I've really gotten into have pretty much no fanfiction attached (and hell, I've even written some fics for those), and the fandom experience is very different to how it used to be.

But honestly even outside of the fandom experience changing, I just haven't loved a show or anything enough to want to fic for it more than anything else. I really really miss writing fanfiction, but there's been nothing that's really captured my attention for more than a few weeks, and that's not enough to sustain like, writing a longfic like I used to. Some of that is probably the fact that TV etc. is now released all at once instead of week by week a lot of the time. But some of it is also just that...like, while I enjoy a lot of things, I don't feel like ficcing for it.

I came close with Arcane, but the pairing I like had almost no fics (and only like two short porny fics - nothing wrong with that!) and I get, frankly, tired of writing rarepairs. And again, I didn't actually love Arcane, I thought it was very pretty, I disliked a lot of the characters, and it's hard to kind of rev yourself up for one side pairing in that situation.

Likewise I am still curious about writing an old Bull/Cullen fic idea, but it's very old, the fandom is very quiet, it's still a rarepair, and it's hard to commit two years of my life to something I might end up abandoning.

I really miss being deep deep into a fandom, frankly. It's not like I stopped watching TV or movies, or stopped playing video games. But nothing's really spoken to me. Television has either become more excessively grimdark, or more wholesome, and none of it really has what used to hook me in, in the past. It's actually something I've kind of been grieving. Even these days I struggle to find fanfiction written recently that I really love compared to older fics in my bookmarks. It's like... it all has disclaimers for antis, or caveats, or it's weirdly wholesome and pure (fine if you like it, but don't advertise it as whump/angst/hurt/comfort/darkfic), or it's excessively dark to the point of just being a tragedy, etc.

I know there are still really good fandom spaces. If I was still in Mo Dao Zu Shi fandom things might be different, but I felt edged out of that fandom by The Untamed folks kind of taking it over and not separate-tagging their fics, which was just a 'oh I have ideas! Oh...actually never mind' experience.

But yeah I'm just... I mean it sucks. I love writing fanfiction, but the last thing I wrote was last year and it wasn't very long. I thought about returning to the Hades fandom, but again, I just didn't have a very...intense fandom experience, the kind of thing that really revs you up and excites you to write fanfiction! Fandom without community is lonely, and while I don't go as deep into fandoms as others, I still...like some of it?

This is a very navel gazing way of saying 'something will have to change in the media landscape, or in the world around me, or maybe even in me' to make fanfic a 'near' possibility. I have no actual plans to commit to any fanfic in the future, I'm just more excited about things like Underline the Black, which honestly has ALL the tropes I love in fandom, and struggle to find (same with a lot of the other things I write). I consider a lot of my original writing to be an homage to fandom and the fanfiction serial style, but yeah in terms of the literal fanfic, damn, I really miss being hooked on a TV show or a movie or a game and the pandemic has kind of killed that part of me, and so has the shenanigans of antis changing the general fandom climate (if you're putting in disclaimers in your fics just for the sake of antis please fucking stop), and the way TV releases now, and the empty sense of endlessness re: Marvel movies and shows, and just...I don't know.

It's sad and I hate it and I wish it wasn't that way, but it has been this way for a lot of the pandemic and I don't know if/when it will come back. I hope it does. I miss it so much. Meeting new people through writing fanfiction was one of my favourite things, I have friends from different fandoms still, and just... *sighs*

Oof. I'm very sad now. Tl;dr - No, I don't have any plans to write fanfiction in the near future, and it sucks.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on fanfiction #idk what to say really #frankly many 'oldschool fanfiction writers' that i know #are no longer writing fanfiction #at least not like they used to #i think we've all been hit hard for a lot of reasons #including lack of general positive feedback #the rise of antis #the pandemic (writing for free and for fun when you're disabled and your life is falling apart is actually not always fun)#idk everyone has their own personal reasons #but i can think of like 10 authors off the top of my head #who i love #whose works i've bookmarked #who all used to be very fandom active #who *all* stopped writing fanfic about 1-3 years ago #and just haven't picked it up again since

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ringneckedpheasant · 1 year

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tagged by @lavalierre, thank you <3 this was so fun, it's been ages since i've read most of these

10. Blood of Elves - Andrzej Sapkowski

The town was in flames.

I love The Witcher but c’mon man. You can do better than this. “It was a dark and stormy night” ass line.

9. Maurice - E.M. Forster

Once a term the whole school went for a walk – that is to see the three masters took part as well as all the boys.

Establishes that the book takes place in Britain, which immediately makes me disinterested. I am only sort of joking.

8. The Gods of Tango - Carolina De Robertis

Dante died a happy man, although a strange one, known for living with a coffin in his house.

I don’t know what it is but while I love this book, this does nothing for me.

7. Dusty in Memphis - Warren Zanes

This is not a book about a record.

I came here to read about Dusty in Memphis, please tell me about Dusty in Memphis.

6. Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

1801– I have just returned from a visit to my landlord – the solitary neighbor that I shall be troubled with.

Mood.

5. Queer Cowboys - Chris Packard

Think cowboy, and what image comes to mind?

I like that I’m being asked a question that already requires me to engage with the book, and I like that I’m being asked to visualize cowboys.

4. Howl’s Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones

In the land of Ingary, where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility really exist, it is quite a misfortune to be born the eldest of three.

It’s a children's fantasy novel, it’s charming.

3. Cash: The Autobuography - Johnny Cash

My line comes down from Queen Ada, the sister of Malcolm IV, descended from King Duff, the first king of Scotland.

He was so kinnable for this one honestly because I love telling people that if you go far enough back the first member of the [Redacted] clan was related by marriage to Robert the Bruce.

2. Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery

Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies' teardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde's Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde's door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof.

This sentence is unforgivably long HOWEVER it is so unforgivably long that I can’t help but love it, and it establishes the setting and tone quite well, and tells you exactly the kind of person that Mrs. Rachel Lynde is.

1. The Deviant’s War: The Homosexual vs. The United States of America - Eric Cervini

It began, as usual, in a public restroom.

Lol.

tagging @queerical @jockoppressor @iocane @tarantula-hawk-wasp @queerspacepunk

#tag game #marc.txt #edit: just noticed now badly tumblr desktop mangled sams url

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wildcard-rumi · 2 years

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That piece of Jun and Takuto just took me back a couple of years lmao. And I wanted to take the chance to ask!!! Have you ever considered a friendship between Jun and Rumi? We know they both like flowers, and I know you headcanon that Rumi is into astronomy, so I think they could get along pretty well! ^^ There's also the memory rewriting, hehe. Maybe they could bond over that weird feeling that someone important is missing. I did have an AU where they get to be friends, but I think it might work in the canon timeline too ^^

God ikr? Honestly I was considering tagging you when I saw it 'cause I knew you'd adore it!

Ngl I hadn't considered that but now that you've brought it to my attention, I love it so much.

Yes! I could imagine Jun teaching Rumi all about horoscopes and Rumi teaching Jun all about constellions while the two are just quiet sat watching the stars.

And yeah, they could definitely bond over the feeling of missing something but not knowing what, but also... I've just realised that they are both romantically involved with someone who rewrote reality and blamed themselves for things that happened in the past that was beyond their control... Huh.

Oh my god, yeah, I remember that AU! It's really weird thinking that it's been like two years since you came up with that AU and I came up with Takuto is Ren's dad AU... How the hell has it been that long already???

#rumi #p5r rumi #jun kurosu #persona 5 royal #persona 2

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baekdaedream · 3 years

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Preordered my EXO Don’t Fight The Feeling albums 🥰

#personal #so nice!! I'm so excited!!#yayyy this is so nice :)#gosh I just. want it now. I want to listen to it and see it and hold the albums and look through them with the album on!!#gosh like. I love exo so much. I miss them so much #like sure I may be getting into nct lately and you see me posting about them #even my coworker was teasing me about it because I was telling her about dream's comeback #but yeah exo is my everything always they are my ult group forever #honestly the past long while I've been so quiet in the tags #I feel like I used to be more talkative in them?? but I just keep it all in my heart now #too tired to write it all out if I can't find the right words you know?#but they are my boys and I'll always love and support them #they make me so happy and give me so much joy and comfort and like #I still remember the feeling of first becoming a fan of them #and here I am now still :)

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pvarker · 2 years

Text

build you up, then i take.

masterlist • about me • general guidelines

summary: peter parker is especially frustrated after a very hard set of physics problems, and who better to calm him down than you.

warnings: just some making out, spidey sense overload that could be described as a panic attack but not really?

tags: gn!reader, college!peter x college!reader, established relationship, peter parker is a nerd <3, fluff, universal!peter (esp since he goes to empire state uni here), some making out, hurt/comfort kinda??

word count: 2.3k

a/n: honestly a long time no see! college has been pretty busy for me but i've been thinking about this idea for a while, after i did a physics problem set this week and got extremely frustrated. ofc peter our resident engineer will go through the same pain so why not write something for it? this also kinda ended weird but im too tired to really care lolz. i'm still working on one way or another and another one shot (which is at like 2k words rn, and climbing). please enjoy!

As Spider-man, there were a lot of frustrating things in Peter's life. Spandex that was tight in the wrong places, criminals who don't respect the quality of his quips, the little piece of metal that sticks out on his window frame that snags his suit all the time. Oh and of course, the regular things, like not catching a criminal on time or having the culprit run away before the cops could arrive.

But, Peter was a pretty gentle boy, especially after his aunt May sent him to take yoga classes from childhood to take care of his restless energy. It was just a deep breath in and a breath out, to calm himself down, and remind himself to take it one step at a time.

So why was he getting so worked up on a regular thursday evening at his campus Starbucks?

"Okay, let's try 260.16 N this time," Peter muttered to himself, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration. Peter was nestled in the corner, scratch paper scattered all around his laptop. His head was leaning in one of his hands, his hand repeatedly combing through his hair as he worked out the problem. His eyes flickered down from his scratch sheet of paper, to the laptop, and then back to his calculator as his nimble hands redid the calculations to double and triple check, before entering in the answer.

This was his fifth and final attempt at the same problem he's been pouring over for the past half hour. Usually, he liked to study with you, his partner of 2 years, in your apartment. Mostly because it was an excuse to distract and eventually, make out and cuddle with you. But it was also just an excuse to have your calming presence, to watch you work. Your presence was oddly soothing to Peter’s spider senses, in a way he couldn’t understand.

Back in high school, when he was just your best friend and not your boyfriend, it went haywire at your presence. Especially when you did something particularly cute, or something that sent butterflies in his stomach, his vision would blur, only being able to focus on you and nothing else. It was especially bad at your touch, your soft skin against his made him sweat and pant like he just ran a marathon.

Yet, as soon as you were his, his senses settled down, and became unnaturally quiet. A quietness that Peter hadn’t experienced since the spider bite. It was almost like his senses were rewired overnight, like it knew you were safe for him to be around so it was okay for it to turn off for a while.

Today though, he couldn't be afforded to distracted by you. He had already missed two lectures after doing a midday patrol, and unless he caught up with the problems, he was screwed for his midterms.

"God, this better be correct," he mumbled out, his eyes scanning the screen one last time before submitting the problem. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see the results on the screen. He gave himself a small pep talk, trying to alleviate the small anxiety building in his chest before peaking at the screen.

On the screen was a big red outline around the answer box, accompanied by a banner screaming at him that "The answer is incorrect."

He squinted at the problem, confusion taking over his features as he ran a hand through his hair, scrunching it in slight frustration. Rather harshly, he clicked on the prompt box to reveal the correct answer, his fingers pressing into the keyboard harder than needed. Berating himself for being so harsh with his only laptop, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing.

"A fucking negative sign?" he exclaimed a little too loudly, getting weird looks from the near by customers. He looked up, muttering a quick apologies before going back to his screen.

Apparently the answer was negative 260.15 N not positive, according to the taunting banner that was yelling at him that he was wrong for the millionth time.

"How could I have missed a negative sign?" He rifled through his papers, shuffling around the scraps of paper to reread over his work. As his fingers followed his calculation, he paused between two steps, noticing how he dropped a negative sign between the two equations.

Fuck. Peter gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching as he berated himself. His mind always worked faster than his hands, and it often got him in trouble in math, but not this frequently. This was the 6th problem in a row that he had to redo over 4 times, and suddenly a deep breath in and out just wasn't good enough.

A restless frustration took over his body, starting with his fidgeting hands turning into fists, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. He shut his eyes tight, trying to ignore the feeling by practicing some breathing exercises but no avail. It climbed up his body, creeping from his arms to his chest, filling his lungs, before climbing up his neck and filling mind.

It was almost searing hot, the feeling crawling up his body and his spidey sense only magnified the emotion. All of a sudden, he was overheating, the uncontrolled emotion running his sense haywire, making him sweat. His heightened vision was blurring out his eyes, and the smells of the coffee that was once soothing was attacking him, suffocating him. The low noise that was supposed to act like white noise were amplified, every conversation, sniffle and whisper sounding like screams and yells.

But rather than it making him want to cover his eyes and shut himself into a dark, quiet room, like it usually did, it only contributed to the rage and frustration building in his chest. Almost like he was losing control of his sense, and over what? A couple of physics problems?

Maybe it was the building pressure of his responsibility to the city and to his studies adding on, but it was impossible for him to stop seeing red as he attempted to close his eyes and channel whatever breathing exercises that was taught to him. His leg shook underneath the table, biting his lip, trying to think clearly enough to remember what to do to get rid of this irritation.

You. He needed to see you. Seeing you always helped quiet down the noise in his head after a long day of patrolling, so maybe you could help here too?

As if his body was working on autopilot, he quickly gathered up his stuff, trying to cram his paper back into a folder and grab his laptop to shove it away in his backpack. Quickly slinging his backpack on his shoulder, he walked out of the starbucks trying to set off to your apartment before he did something he regretted.

It was a normal thursday night for you, maneuvering around your kitchen to prep some pasta for yourself. The sounds of New Girl echoed through your kitchen, as you smelled the lovely aroma of the food you were cooking up. You were just staying by yourself tonight, since your roommates were out and Peter was out working on school work.

Days like these helped you take stock of your life, just slowing down to take in all the good around you. Going to Empire State University, and living in New York had you in a constant race, rushing to complete work that required more than 24 hours within the span of a day. Still, your life was going well, surrounded by your friends and a stellar boyfriend who you're head over heels in love with.

You were especially dressed down tonight, just chilling in a oversized t-shirt and shorts, while you stirred the pasta sauce, your eyes on the antics of winston and cece on the show.

Before the sauce was reduced too much, you mixed in the pasta, the smell making your mouth salivate, and you gave it a quick stir, before plating it in a bowl. Quickly, you took out some fresh parsley to garnish your creation, before leaning back, proud of your work.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang through your apartment, before a muffled voice of your boyfriend, Peter Parker, sounded through your front door.

Wiping your hands off on a dish towel, you ran to get the door. You swung it open to greet your oddly disheveled boyfriend, his hands tugging on the straps of his backpack. He was more fidgety than usual, his hands playing with the fabric of his shirt as he stood in front of you. Seeing him was quite the surprise for you, especially after he mentioned how busy his next couple days were with midterms and projects.

"Peter!" you exclaimed, grinning up at him, meeting his chocolate eyes. His eyes were one of your favorite features, the brown eyes almost wide and eager to take in everything around him, almost soft and adoring. But those eyes that are usually bright and full of mischief were a darker shade, clouded by something that you couldn't put your finger on.

He walked in, almost wordlessly as he shed his backpack and placed in on your couch, only confusing you more as you shut the door behind him. Your face scrunched in confusion at his odd behavior. It was rare that he came in like this. At least, when he got in his moods, he was usually coming through your window, not the front door, dressed in his familiar red and blue suit rather than as a regular college boy.

He was quiet, but his eyes were on you and you could feel your skin heating up at his gaze. All of a sudden, it felt like you were too exposed to him, goosebumps slowly forming along your arms and legs as his eyes traced your figure up and down.

"What are you-" you started to ask him, but you were cut off as your boyfriend strode towards you, his hands cupping around your face to bring your lips to his. His lips were firm against yours, yet soft and familiar as they pressed against yours. It caught you off guard, your hands freezing at your sides as he pressed his lips insistently onto yours.

Then as if your mind started working again, you lips moved against his, and your hands went to his waist to pull him closer to your body. You gasped slightly against his lips he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. He barely gave you an opportunity to breathe as his movements were insistent. One of his hands traveled from your jaw and into your hair, his fingers threading through it to pull you closer to him. His movements were frantic and almost unforgiving, trying to drink in your presence.

The heat of his body was melding into yours, and every brush against his skin was addicting, your every molecule only aware of the boy kissing you. Your hands traced the edge of his shirt, your finger tracing against the soft skin of his stomach, making him shudder. Your hands moved up under his shirt slowly, your thumbs tracing a soft pattern into his waist.

Peter’s presence was intoxicating, and you couldn’t get enough, your lips moving in tandem as his tongue raced against yours. The kisses grew sloppy as he walked you back until your back was against your wall, his body caging you against it. He pressed his body against yours once again, almost like he was trying to feel every curve of your body against his. You moved your hands from his waist, to his back, the palms of your hands against his back, pressing his body closer to yours.

Your mind was foggy as he drew away from your lips and down to your jaw, his frantic kisses addicting. Peter tilted your head with the hand tangled in your hair, as he left open-mouthed kisses down your throat, ones that left you panting and gasping, his mouth bruising the delicate skin of your neck. The feeling was torturous and delicious, his hand curving around your neck to adjust it as he pleased.

“Peter,” you shuddered out, as he sucked, your breath coming out in soft puffs, a moan growing at the back of your throat.

“Mmm, yes darling?” he murmured into your skin, his voice gravelly and deep, and utterly devastating. His other hand trailed the edge of your shirt, before dipping underneath to grasp at your side, his touch searing your skin.

“What’s wrong?,” you gasped out, trying to clear the fog in your head and think clearly. Or at least, as clear as you can when you have Peter Parker kissing you.

He drew back slightly, just to admire his handiwork. Your pupils were now just as blown out as his, your lips now swollen and red from Peter’s kisses. Both his hands moved to cup your face, his thumb rubbing a small pattern against your cheek as his searched your face, almost like he was memorizing ever part before answering.

“Just frustrated with physics,” he answered, his voice still low. “ ‘was getting overwhelmed with the work.” His breathing was labored, clearly worked up, and it was not just from kissing you.

“Ah,” you answered him, but internally you breathed out a sigh. It was worrying to see Peter so wound up, especially when he’s so in control of his feelings. You know just how much effort he put into balancing his school work and spiderman work, and it was clear how much it weighed on him. His eyes were tired, and he curled into your every touch like he just wanted to bottle up your warmth and keep it forever.

“Come on spider-boy, I made some pasta and you can tell me about your day, hm?” you proposed, and Peter nodded in response. You couldn’t fight his battles for him, but at least you could feed the boy and offer him comfort. And that’s just what you did, today and forever.

tagging: @rednights

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clusterbuck · 2 years

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2021 creator's wrap

tagged by @oatflatwhite thank u<3

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2021. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. once bitten, twice shy (aka the ace!eddie fic)

i mean, of course it was gonna be this one first. never before have i had this many existential crises while writing something, but never before have i been so proud of comments about people feeling seen by something i've written, so it balances out.

2. we will put the lonesome on the shelf (aka eddie reflecting on loneliness & family)

bit of a wildcard pick, honestly, since it's definitely one of my less popular works, but i just really like a lot of the imagery in it. so i'm sticking with it.

3. (as long as you love me so) let it snow (aka the married buddie fic)

i mean. married buddie. i really like how the softness and quiet intimacy in this one turned out.

4. you showed up just in time (aka the 5x06 coda)

i didn't write that many episode codas for 5A (bc honestly i was a little overwhelmed by how many there always were and how good they always were!) but i'm glad i wrote this one, i think it struck a good balance between realistic in terms of the current state of canon but also nudging a little more towards buddie

5. wishing, wanting, yours for the taking (aka vampire!buck)

vampire!buck, my most beloved. i didn't expect to love him as much as i do, and i didn't expect this AU to expand as much as it has, but i'm so glad it did. i'm pretty sure that without vampire!buck i'd still be far on the periphery of this fandom, and i'm just glad other people love him as much as i do lmao

tagging @panicatthediaz @messyhairdiaz @homerforsure @kitkatpancakestack @probieeddie if u want<3

#ok now back to the eyeliner fic but i had to do this now or i'd forget lmao #shush emma

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givemethatgold · 3 years

Text

Fix’er Upper - Pt 15

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Talk of past abusive relationship, swearing

Length: 1.2k

Notes: Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, keep the story rollin’. More plot, lack of smut, surprise guests, it’s all coming together now I promise. Since tags don’t work for me, like AT ALL, I’m going to attempt a posting schedule! Which is laughable if you know how I story-board. Every Tuesday night at 7pm MDT

Series Masterlist

You needed to get laid.

No, not just laid. You needed to get fucking dicked down.

You needed it so hard and rough that you couldn't walk the next day.

It had been seven weeks. Seven weeks without an orgasm.

Sure, you'd tried to get off on your own fingers but after the delicious stretch from manual-labour-thickened digits how could yours ever compare? You had gone so far as to order a vibrator, something you’d never even consider for fear of getting caught, but your body always stalled out just on the cusp of an orgasm.

You needed Frankie and you were going to get him,

Date night was back on the table, and hopefully, you'd be getting railed on said table before the end of the night. Frankie had been very reserved when you'd brought up the idea of a sleepover for Annie, but once Jacquie had assured him for the fifth time that she knew how to take care of children, seeing as she had four of them herself, he had agreed.

The scheduled day had arrived, legs were shaved, an amazing meal was cooked, and a sweet little babydoll dress was purchased that you knew would drive him crazy. You even went the extra mile and set up your old record player and had Johnny Cash crooning at you from the living room.

Finishing the final touches, you surveyed the table setting, trying to decide between using your nice plates to complete the aesthetic or just putting down plastic so you could sweep the table clear and mount your boyfriend on it without fear of broken ceramic.

Finally deciding on the first option, presentation is everything after all, you were digging through your china cabinet when the doorbell rang. How formal of him, you thought to yourself, glad he was playing along with the unspoken mood you'd set for the night.

Opening the door, your gaze widened a comical amount and your jaw went slack. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared you for this.

"Close your mouth dear, before the flies get in."

"MOM?!"

It really shouldn't have shocked you, knowing the woman as well as you did, that she would show up unannounced like this. Ever since you'd let it slip that you and Frankie were in a relationship she'd been dropping hints that a visit was due, and you, not wanting to deal with her, had been blatantly changing the subject every time.

Then, Frankie had to go and tell her that an adorable little girl was now involved? That's not something she could ever resist, even if it wasn't exactly being offered to her.

Finally coming to terms with the fact that you weren't going to get railed tonight, and instead would be spending your week fending off your mother's well-meaning but entirely outdated advice, you opened the door wider and welcomed her into your home.

"Where's Dad?" You ask, glancing behind her onto the porch, noting a distinct lack of other vehicles. "Did you get a cab here?!"

"Sweetie, honestly, you know I don't like to drive and he doesn’t like to leave home," came her answer from your dining room where she was already adjusting your place settings to her standards. "Besides I wasn't sure how long you'd need me here for so I decided to fly and will just borrow your truck if need be."

So matter-of-fact, as if it was the simplest notion in the world, and said with such nonchalance, your mouth was back to hanging open again from the sheer audacity of the woman.

"Mom, no, wait, what?" You were floundering, completely at a loss for words. "Why would I need you here right now? I needed you when I was young, dumb, and blindly in love with Brad. I needed your guidance and concern when I was being manipulated-"

"Oh come on-" she tried to interrupt you with a wave of her hand.

"No! You keep trying to tell me he wasn't that bad but you weren't there. You didn't hear how he talked to me, how he treated me." You were over your shock, residual hurt and betrayal were now rearing their ugly heads. "Don't you shake your head at me! How dare you chose his side over mine! I was your daughter, your little girl," the words were getting stuck in your throat now, burning so hot with emotion you could almost see the pain they were inflicting as they landed on her ears. "and you chose to ignore the signs, the cries for help. You were only there for me when he died, but even then it was just to send your regards!"

"We really didn't know..." she answered in a small voice, so quiet it barely registered through the roaring in your ears.

"Denial, maybe? I don't think we could bear the thought of anything but a fairytale being true, so we willfully ignored the signs." She waited for a beat, probably giving you time to yell back at her but when you stayed silent she continued, "I don't think it truly sank in just how badly you'd been treated until you moved away. We thought quitting college was you just deciding you wanted to start a family. Then when you stopped calling friends and family, we hoped it was because you were making new ones. Then your weight loss and depression we blamed on infertility, and then again from the grief of his death." Lifting your head up and wiping away the tears that had streaked your cheeks, she smiled sadly at you while tears fell from her own eyes. "I'll never forgive myself."

"How could you not?" You sobbed, letting yourself sink onto a dining room chair.

Your mom tentatively made her way over to you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and hugging your head to her stomach.

"Oh, Mom," you couldn't finish the sentiment, but you didn't need to. Springing up, you enveloped each other in a tight hug and rocked back and forth until the tears dried and your breathing was almost back to normal, save for the occasional hitch and sniffle.

Breaking apart, you were just about to ask if she wanted some tea when the front door flew open.

"Where's my pretty pus- oh! Oh."

"Frankie," you said calmly while your eyes screamed ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME at him, "this is my mother."

"So this is the handsome face behind that gruff voice!" God bless Margot and her ability to ignore the obvious, sometimes it actually came in handy. "And I suppose he's the second place setting for a lovely night I seem to have interrupted."

"Oh, no, Mom it's okay-"

"Nonsense! I'll check myself into the sweet little bed and breakfast I've booked for the week and see you both tomorrow!"

"It is nice to see you, Mom," you admitted, finding yourself meaning the words more than you expected to. "I'll meet you in town tomorrow and show you around?" Maybe having her here for a while would be nice, if the week went as well as tonight had, your relationship with her would be salvaged.

"You really don't need to do that, you just got here!" Frankie tried to reassure her, having noticed the red, swollen, tear-streaked faces and assuming there was unfinished conversation to be had.

You knew your mom was immovable once she had made up her mind, however, so you just followed her to the door and handed her her coat and your truck keys.

"Marvelous!" She pats your hand in thanks before a sly smile quirks her mouth up to the side and she winks, "Have a good night, Pretty Pussy!"

Part Sixteen

#frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales x fem!reader #fankie catfish morales x f!reader #frankie catfish morales x fem!reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales fanfic #fix'er upper

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mooniefics · 3 years

Text

— in the grand scheme of things [ 1 ]

pairings : zeke jaeger / reader, referenced eren jaeger / reader

word count : 8.4k

tags : unhealthy relationships, relationship discussions, implied cheating, drinking, break ups, eventual smut, praise kink, mutual infidelity, dubious morality, love triangles

warnings : contains nsfw, sexual coercion, intoxicated reader, rlly toxic behavior

summary : you and eren hadn't been doing the best these past few months, and no one that you knew seemed to have any answers for you, or pointers in the right direction. who better to offer you some sound, insightful relationship advice than his older brother. or so you thought.

note : i apologize if the text convoformatting is a little yucky, i pinky promise it looked wayy better on ao3 (//▽//)

— originally posted 1 / 20 / 21 on ao3 —

you would reluctantly admit that you and eren had been experiencing a few issues as of recently.

it was the run-of-the-mill turbulence: ignored texts and phone calls, unexplained hostility, hanging around with your shared group of friends—more his than yours—without you. you'd been able to ignore it around midterms, being so busy with studying and getting all your family affairs in order for the end of the year that you didn't have much time to worry about how he hadn't bothered to respond to your "happy new year, baby!!!" message you'd sent days ago.

but winter break came and went with no reply from him, you spent christmas and new years in the company of your parents, who couldn't seem to keep quiet about asking about "that jaeger boy". you couldn't really blame them for their questions, you'd been friends for nearly four years now, in a relationship since the night of senior prom, even followed each other to the same university with a few other high school friends just to stay close. the summer that preceded your first year of college was so full of love and life, celebrating your newfound freedom that you had always thought would come with adulthood. but you supposed that it was just the hopeless romantic in you talking, it was called the honeymoon phase for a reason.

consulting his best friends about his sudden detachedness yielded nothing—mikasa had never held much besides poorly hidden disdain for you, and all armin had to offer was nervous glances over to the uninterested girl as he assured you that he was probably stressed about his classes, or had another disagreement with his mother about his choice of major, just excuse after excuse for his friend's behavior. you were feeling desperate. you had little desire to break things off, to throw away nine months of commitment despite how your relationship had soured. you were in love with him, and he hadn't explicitly expressed that he wanted to end things, just left you out of the loop for a bit, nothing that couldn't be fixed with a nice long conversation over dinner, right?

but how could you reach him if he wouldn't answer your calls, if his friends only seemed to want to placate you rather than actively help, you felt like there was nobody to turn to—except him.

zeke, the ever-elusive older brother. you'd met him upon one of your first visits to eren's house, a brief, somewhat awkward exchange when you'd ventured into the kitchen by yourself to grab a few things for your friends in the living room. he'd startled you when you turned out of the pantry to find him standing by the fridge, eyeing you and your armful of chip bags curiously, only wearing a pair of thin-framed glasses and grey sweatpants, revealing the sculpted expanse of his muscular arms and torso, an unopened can of beer in his hand.

"you one of eren's friends?" he'd asked, cracking open the tab and taking a generous gulp.

you replied with a quick nod, adding a sheepish "yup..! everyone else is in the living room, i'm on snack duty" with a shaky smile.

he chuckled, shaking his head and running a hand through his shaggy blonde hair. "typical eren. 'm zeke, good to meet you."

he didn't bother to ask your name before he disappeared into the adjacent hallway, the distant sound of a shutting door finally letting you release the breath you didn't know you'd been holding. that was how a majority of your exchanges went over the last few years, the longest conversations you'd had was when he'd offered to help you on your physics homework more than a couple times, his number was only in your phone because of the one time you'd worn the teeshirt of a band he happened to like and he wanted to send you a playlist. there were plenty of things you didn't know about him, but he was eren's older brother—half-brother, if you wanted to get technical—and after seeing the deflective nature of his closest friends, zeke seemed to be your next best option.

so now you were here, nervously standing at the door to his new apartment, dressed nicely so you didn't risk making a bad impression after not having seen him all these months. he seemed sympathetic over the phone when you'd called him last night, not minding how you'd contacted him out of the blue or that it was only for the sake of asking something of him, inviting you to discuss things more thoroughly over dinner. you didn't know whether he'd extended a helping hand for his brother's sake or your own, but you would be grateful no matter what if he gave some sound advice and a few words of reassurance.

you were startled out of your thoughts by the sound of the lock unlatching, the door swinging open to reveal zeke, smartly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and dress shirt, the top few buttons left undone. "sorry if i kept you waiting," he said, stepping aside to allow you in, "dinner's just about ready."

"no worries." you replied quickly as you slipped off your heels, hoping the heat warming your face wasn't flushing visibly on your cheeks.

he had always been a good-looking guy, an effortless sort of attractiveness that was only magnified by the relaxed yet perceptive air he carried. but he'd changed since that day you first met—his shaggy hair had been trimmed back into a shorter, more manageable style, the usual scruff of facial hair had grown out into a well-maintained beard, frames that similarly complimented his handsome features perched on the bridge of his nose. flashing a polite smile, you stepped into the apartment, trying not to let your anxiety get the better of you as the door was shut and locked behind you.

"nice place." you mused, peering about at the spacious, well-decorated interior as you followed beside him.

"thanks, honestly i'm glad i could find someone that was willing to split the rent," you felt nerves stir in the pit of your stomach, the thought of having to meet the other tenant leaving you feeling a bit uneasy. he turned down to glance at you, grey eyes glinting as he offered you an easy grin, "you don't have to worry about my roommate, i kicked him out for the night so you didn't feel uncomfortable."

you were sure the blush on your face was evident now, biting at the inside of your cheek as you both entered into the kitchen. "oh.. thank you. sorry if i caused any trouble, i know this was kind of last minute."

"no worries." he echoed your earlier sentiment, motioning you to the table just beside the kitchen before he returned to the skillet on the stove. the warm scent of coriander and turmeric filled the air as he lifted the lid and set it aside on the counter, stirring the simmering contents within. "hope you like curry," he said over his shoulder, turning down the gas on the stove and opening up the cabinet beside him to pull out the plates, "i didn't make it too spicy, just in case."

"i don't really eat it too often, but it smells amazing."

you felt yourself starting to relax into the chair, shedding your jacket and hanging your purse on the side of the chair as you watched him scoop a generous portion of white rice onto each plate. it was just you two here, he was willing to help, and you were incredibly grateful for his hospitality.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket to fiddle with while he was still plating the food, aimlessly tapping through your apps to kill some time. your text to eren from a few days ago still read "delivered", and you felt a slight twinge prick in your chest as you closed out of your messages, opting to scroll through your feed on one of the few social medias your friends had convinced you to download. it was relatively safe to look there, seeing as eren didn't post all that often, if at all, but seeing everyone your age, people that you knew from your classes posing with their boyfriends and girlfriends and going out on excursions with their peers made you feel jealous. you couldn't have imagined what you had done to deserve such a shitty situation.

your thoughts were interrupted by the dull clink of the plate being set before you, the clatter of silverware following as he rounded over to the opposite side of the table to place his things down. you switched your phone on silent just in case, tucking it back into your purse and sitting up a bit straighter in your chair. but instead of sitting down, he wandered back over to the kitchen, reaching up into a different cabinet to fetch two glasses.

"i'm assuming talking about your relationship troubles isn't the easiest, so pick your poison. i've got gin, tequila, beer—" he listed off the myriad of drinks he had at his disposal, pausing to throw you a glance. "but i honestly pegged you as a vodka kind of girl."

you felt a nervous giggle bubble up in your chest, fingers twisting in your lap, feeling more than juvenile as you replied. "i'm still under twenty-one, so i'm not really much of a drinker.."

"come on, you're in college now," he said, pulling a bottle of vodka from one of the lower cabinets and stepping over to the fridge, "most of the people hosting parties don't give much of a shit whether you're of legal drinking age or not, and i've got a feeling that you really don't either. i know i got shit-faced plenty of times during my freshman year."

you mentally debated the principles of accepting, he was right in saying that you had attended plenty of parties where you drank with your friends, suppressing a grimace at the memories of you throwing up in a stranger's bathroom while an equally drunk historia or sasha held your hair back. but those times you'd been looking to get wasted, drinking in this context would just be for the sake of loosening up, easing the sting of ripping off the metaphorical bandaid that was the thought of your relationship slowly crumbling right before your eyes.

"you're right," you relented, much to his delight, "and, yes, i guess i am a vodka kind of girl."

you didn't appreciate how charming the grin your words garnered was, fixing your eyes on the steaming plate of chicken curry in front of you before you could embarrass yourself. you were here to figure out how to smooth things over with your boyfriend, not oogle at his unnecessarily attractive older brother.

"here, something simple to start you off." he set down the glass on your place mat, finally taking his seat across the table, "there's plenty of ginger beer and limes in the fridge, and plenty of vodka still left."

you stole a glance at his drink. "whiskey, on the rocks.. how refined."

he gave a low chuckle at your sarcasm, taking a slow sip. "it's an acquired taste, i wouldn't expect someone your age to appreciate it." that was right, he was older than you, significantly older than you. just because you were legally an adult didn't mean your life experience could crop up to zeke's.

"old man." you murmured, a small smile perking up at both of your lips as you spooned some of the curry and rice into your mouth, "wow, thi' i' really gu'!" you managed to speak around the mouthful of food, grey eyes watching you intently with an obvious bemusement from across the table.

"i'm glad you like it. guess those years working at a couple restaurants around town weren't a complete waste." he said, tasting his own bite of the food, "cumin's a little off, hope you can forgive me for that."

"are you kidding me? this exceeds restaurant quality. i can barely put eggs in a pan without burning the kitchen down."

you were nearly a quarter through your plate already, setting your utensil down to take a sip of the drink he'd made for you. it was simple, bubbly, a nice mix of ginger, vodka, and lime to cool off your tongue. you could barely taste the alcohol, which somewhat eased your worries of becoming a drunken mess that required him to babysit you for the rest of the night.

you were both silent for a moment, the air occupied with the scrape of spoons and quiet sips from your respective glasses, and you were beginning to dread ruining such an easy mood with the topic of your emotional turmoil. but zeke beat you to the punch, clearing his throat as he settled his gaze onto you.

"so, you and my brother. you wanted to talk about that, right?"

you allowed yourself to frown a bit, taking a generous sip of your drink before you answered. "yeah. i don't really know where to start.."

"when did you first start noticing problems?"

you felt somewhat eased by his calm tone, bright grey eyes that were entirely focused on you, wordlessly reassuring you that you could trust him with this. you'd come this far, there was no point in trying to back out now.

"well, i guess it was around november." you began, scraping all of the food left onto one side of your plate to keep your hands occupied, "we'd all met up for halloween, me and eren and mikasa and armin—" you prattled off the other names of your friends, even some that you weren't sure he knew from your high school days, but he nodded along all the same. "and we all had an amazing time. got all dressed up, wandered around campus and crashed in on the frat parties, drank ourselves stupid, like you said. and at one point i just completely lost track of eren, and i didn't see him or anyone else besides sasha, connie, and mina for the rest of the night. after that, he kind of dropped off the face of the earth, wouldn't pick up my calls or answer my texts, always told me he was busy when we ran into each other on campus, and he wasn't at his dorm most of the time i came to try and check on him."

by the end, you'd finished off your drink, zeke wordlessly getting up to grab everything to pour you a new one without you asking. you were more flustered at his attentiveness, forcing yourself to chalk it up to him being an excellent host as he returned with a freshly opened can of ginger beer, pouring it over the ice in your glass and adding at least two shots of vodka, finishing it off with half a lime before returning to his seat. had he put that much alcohol the last time?

the thought slipped your mind as he swallowed a few spoonfuls of curry and spoke. "hmm.. so everything was going just fine, and then all of a sudden radio silence?"

you nodded, working on your remainder of rice, watching his face take on a pensive expression.

"if i'm being honest, eren has always been a little shithead." you suppressed a giggle at that. "he's rude, he's immature, and most of all, he's a terrible liar."

"mhm, the ears are a dead giveaway." you added, earning a grin over the rim of his glass.

"exactly. my stepmom— his mom always called him on his shit with that." you shared a moment of laughter at that, the memory of how defensive he would get over in when you'd first pointed it out making you feel a distant nostalgia creeping in the back of your mind.

you remembered how easy the days where all you had to worry about was catching up on all your late work and forcing yourself to learn about nintendo games for the sake of impressing your crush. now on top of school, you had bills and parties and shitty professors and an even shittier situation with your first long-term relationship that had started off so well yet devolved into feeling like you were a million miles away despite living on the same campus.

"so, eren is a shithead. and a terrible liar. go on." you took a long sip of your drink, unable to distinguish the warmth of the alcohol from the warmth of the curry in your stomach.

"well, he's just— how do i say this..." zeke murmured the last bit more to himself than you, pushing up his glasses on his nose and scratching the back of his neck, "he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it." you felt your heart skip at that. "like that mikasa girl, her and eren have been friends since grade school, and never once in all those years has eren ever acknowledged the way she's fuckin' head over heels for him." the mention of mikasa made you feel a sharp pang echo through your chest, suddenly feeling much more disheartened than before, especially at the mention of her perpetual affinity for him.

"but, i do have to give the kid some props," he continued, taking a sip of his whiskey, "at least he had enough of a brain to realize that you're a real catch. if i'm being honest, you're out of his league, and when you first started dating, he knew that."

you couldn't tell if your face was feeling hot because of his words or the fact that you'd just finished off your second drink in one long gulp, already reaching for the unopened ginger beer and vodka. blinking away the glassiness starting to settle over your vision, you met his gaze, suddenly feeling much smaller before him. he waited until you'd finished refilling your drink before he began again, not saying anything about how you'd accidentally poured much more vodka than you meant to.

"i think eren's problem is that he's getting too cocky," your appetite was starting to disappear as you focused on his words, still trying to finish what was left on the plate, "doesn't know his ass from his elbow, but he still thinks he's got everything figured out. you know what i mean, right?"

you nodded with an affirmative hum, a series of incidents that made you want to rip the boy's head off flashing through your mind only added credence to his claim. your tongue was starting heavy in your mouth, movements sluggish as you washed away what was left of dinner with more of your drink. you hadn't been truly drunk in months, not since that halloween party, only indulging in the occasional mimosa over breakfast with your family and your celebratory champagne for new years.

you hoped the heaviness weighing at your lids didn't show on your face, or that your words didn't string together when you replied. "i know exactly what you mean, can't imagine how hard that was to deal with for the last nineteen years."

he chuckled, finishing off his whiskey. "i've saved that kid's ass more time than i could ever care to count. being the older brother is a thankless fuckin' job if i've ever seen one. you done with dinner?"

"yeah. thank you again, it was amazing."

he grinned at your praise, rising from his seat as he spoke. "here, table's kind of crowded, we can move to the couch. i'll take care of dishes later. you want a refill?"

"sure." you responded before you could really think about your answer, trying to subtly steady yourself on the table as you got to your feet, head already starting to spin.

blinking away the blurriness fuzzing at the edges of your vision, you wandered past him through the kitchen and into the adjacent living room, falling into the cushions of the couch before you could trip up over your own feet. you felt embarrassed by your lack of tolerance, but felt some of that tension ebb away when he made his way over to sit next to you, fresh glass of ginger beer and vodka in hand. you didn't expect to feel the warmth of his thigh pressing into yours when he settled down, placing your drink on the coffee table before he turned down to speak to you.

"alright, i haven't said much in the way of advice, so here's what i think."

you grimaced internally, reaching over with an unsteady hand to grab your glass and take a long sip to brace yourself for his thoughts. you weren't expecting that it would be an easy pill to swallow, he'd probably be realistic about things and tell you to just suck it up and break things off while you could still maintain a shred of dignity.

"i know this is probably not what you want to hear, but i really think you should break up with him."

your lips pressed into a thin line, partly from his assertion but mostly because of the burn of alcohol sliding down your throat. there was definitely much more vodka in this than there should be, but you didn't want to seem weak before him, trying not to shudder as you continued to take small, fast sips.

you nearly spat it up on yourself when his hand settled on the skin of your thigh exposed by your skirt, wide eyes raising to meet his intent gaze. "don't tell me you think a guy that ditches you for just about three months now is worth your time, even without everything else considered."

"everythin' else?" your words were starting to slur together, but you still tried to drown out the dread tangling in your gut with the bubbling contents of the glass.

"you haven't figured it out yet, have you.." he faltered, a slight frown drawing across his lips when you gave a hesitant shake of your head, sighing as he pulled his glasses off of his nose and folded them neatly to place on the coffee table. "think about it; he disappears on you while he was drunk at a party, most likely with hanging around alone with the female friend that's clung onto him for a majority of his life, and then after that night he just completely gives you the cold shoulder, avoids you every time you try and come talk to him, like he's running away from you." he paused, adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "like he's hiding something."

you felt your heart sink, biting firmly down on your bottom lip, a thick lump forming in your throat, eyes stinging. "s-so, you're saying th-that—"

you couldn't blink away the first tears as they dribbled down your cheeks, choking back a small sob. he carefully took the nearly empty glass from your hands and replaced it on the coffee table, you could make out the expression of pity drawn across his handsome features through your watery gaze. you didn't protest when the arm closest to you moved to wrap around your waist, the other curling around your shoulder and drawing you against him. restrained sniffles gave way to hiccuped sobs, your own hands linking around his neck and squeezing him tighter against you as you wept out into the empty air behind him.

normally you would've put on a brave face, maybe excused yourself to the bathroom to let out a few silent tears before you returned to thank him and stammer out some excuse to leave and spend the rest of the night wallowing on your own. but the alcohol had melted away any barriers you would've put up against zeke's compassion, made you crave the security his warmth provided as he pressed his face into your shoulder, a large, gentle hand rising to stroke over the crown of your head. he let you cry on your own for a while, not minding how your fingers clutched tightly at his shirt or how your snot and tears wet the pale fabric, petting your hair and rubbing soothingly over your shuddering back.

your adjacent thighs were nearly overlapping each other, but all you could think of was how your hammering heart felt like it was one beat away from bursting at the seams, the dim glow of the lamp in the corner that blurred into a shapeless ball of light, his steady breath fanning across the skin of your neck.

"that asshole doesn't deserve you." he murmured, voice low as his lips ghosted over your shoulder, strong arms fastening their hold around you.

you couldn't help but shudder at the feeling as you sniffed, swallowing down the tension balling in your throat before you managed a shaky reply. "h-he's your brother, i thought you'd b-be on his side.."

"what makes you think i'd be on his side after hearing how he treated you?" his fingers worked their way deeper into your hair, palm cradling the back of your head. you forced yourself not to squirm when his face nestled further into the crook of your neck. "you deserve someone mature, someone who can treat you right.. someone who can make you feel good..."

you let out an alarmed breath at the feeling of a soft kiss over your skin, then another, posture stiffening as your grasp around his neck slackened. "wait, i c-can't," you started, the sudden sensation of his fingers sinking into your waist and drawing you closer against him making you lose your words for a moment, "i haven' officially broken up with eren, just because he might've ch-cheated on me doesn't mean-"

"there's no use trying to deny what he did.. what's done is done, you need to do what's best for you—right here, right now." his voice lowered even further, barely a whisper as he implored, "what do you want to do?"

you bit back a weak sound when his tongue drew a slow lick over the sensitive skin, the involuntary heat stirring between your legs making your thighs clench. this was wrong, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be letting this happen, an endless stream of muddled thoughts flashed through your mind as you desperately searched for some sort of excuse to buy yourself a few more moments to think. a distant memory popped into your head, the blurry mental image of zeke with his arm draped around a dark-haired woman when you'd dropped by to visit eren just before you'd both moved in on campus.

"g-girlfriend!! don't you have a girlfriend?!" you blurted desperately, a small whimper slipping out of you as he gave a brief suck over your pulse.

"girlfriend?" he paused his motions, chuckling lowly and giving a small shake of his head when he realized who you were thinking of, "oh, pieck? i'd hardly call her a girlfriend, just an old buddy. honestly, it's no wonder you got stuck in this sort of situation, you manage to find an excuse for everything."

you couldn't ruminate on his patronizing tone for longer than a moment before he returned to kissing at the sensitive skin of your neck, testing the waters of your resilience. you were afraid of your responsiveness to his touch, your body's unabashed honesty, afraid of how your protests had devolved into uncertain whimpers and shifts in your seat.

"good girl," he murmured, sending a jolt of heat racing up your spine, "see how easy that was? this is what you want, isn't it?"

you allowed the fingers in your hair to gently tug your head back, exposing more skin to his eager mouth as he teased a bite just under your jaw, drawing a soft whine and an even deeper flush of heat over your cheeks from you. your movements were sluggish, limbs leadened with inebriation falling down easily when he urged you down onto your back. in one slow blink he'd settled on top of you, warm lips melded easily against your own as his fingers began to work at unbuttoning your blouse.

maybe he was right, maybe you just needed to accept that you and eren's time had come to pass and indulge in what you really wanted—and now that he'd made it an option, what you really wanted right now was to feel the warmth of his bare flesh on yours, taste more of the whiskey on his breath as his tongue slid between your teeth, replace every hint of eren that still resided on your skin with his scent of expensive cologne. you could already feel the ache of a forming bruise at the base of your neck, fingers messily tangling in his hair and back arching up to his hands when they began to smooth across your chest, snaking under your body to undo the clasp of your bra.

"you never told me what exactly you wanted, baby.." he murmured over your lips, low-lidded eyes meeting yours, "do you want us to just kiss, or do you want me to touch you?"

"touch me, please.." you mumbled restlessly, quickly becoming impatient with the fact that his hands had halted after slipping the straps of your bra free from your arms and tossing it somewhere behind him to be forgotten.

but even after you answered, he didn't continue, a smug smirk tugging at his lips as he gazed down at you. "and then what after that? do you want me to touch you here? his fingers ghosted over the swell of your breasts. "or here?" one hand trailed down the length of your abdomen, forefinger just barely hooking onto the waistline of your skirt and giving it a teasing tug.

"zeke." you whined in frustration, mind foggy with lust and alcohol, uncoordinated hands wrestling with his shirt despite not having undone the buttons first, "you're being mean.."

"sorry," he said without a hint of remorse in his voice, only pride as he returned his hands to your chest, "you're just too easy to tease, so responsive, i'd never get bored of playing with you."

you took it as a compliment, as praise, rather than what it really was. it was easier to think of it like flattery in the moment, to push the obvious reminder that his brother had gotten bored of you out of your mind. despite the implication of such a statement, you couldn't help the odd sense of safety you found in such an equivocal intimacy, hazy, not sound of mind, not entirely yourself as you offered him your body, his to kiss and grab and bruise if only for the night.

you hummed with approval when his lips trailed down to the valley of your chest, fingers sinking into the soft flesh of your breasts, but making a point to avoid your nipples, only further denying you the stimulation that you thought he'd finally assured you with that last arrogant taunt. you could feel his smile on your skin, nearly huffing at the realization that you couldn't squeeze your thighs together to give yourself some friction with him positioned between them like he was, buzzing with warmth yet entirely unfulfilled.

"patience is a virtue.." he murmured sagely, unfazed by your second sound of annoyance.

"what about trying to fuck your brother's girlfriend is virtuous." you bit back, momentary anger leaving you in a surprised pant as he gave a gentle tug to one of your nipples.

"ex-girlfriend." he corrected after a quiet chuckle at your forthrightness, mouth closing around the pert bud not being rolled between his slender fingers.

you moaned out a soft curse, hand threading back into his thick hair and pressing him further against you. the fog that had been momentarily sobered clouding your senses once more, hips rutting up into nothing as he worshipped your skin with his lips, teeth, and tongue. you felt the spark fully reignite when one hand moved back down your stomach to wrestle with the button of your skirt, the zipper sliding down easily after it was undone, fingers delving under the loosened waistline to palm at you through your underwear. he pulled away from your nipple with one last gentle bite over the tender skin, low voice at a husky mutter.

"have you ever had sex before?"

you quickly nodded down at him, seeing your own dazed stare reflected in his darkened eyes, pupils almost entirely overtaking the cool grey.

"was it with him?"

you swallowed thickly, suddenly finding yourself unable to meet his gaze, turning away to focus on your long finished drink on the coffee table, ice already half melted in the sweating glass. "yes." you barely whispered.

"was it good?"

you bit the inside of your cheek, blinking fast, trying to dispel the blanket of unease that was quickly settling over you, suffocating you. you only answered with a non-committal shrug, feeling your face burn with a humiliation that he couldn't have thought such a line of questioning would have not inspired.

he maintained a steady gaze with you for a moment longer, lowering his head back to rest at your shoulder without another word and picking a place on your neck to bite and lick at, fingers rubbing slow circles over the drenched fabric beneath them. a small moan bubbled up in your chest, squirming at just the easy attention over your clit, lids falling shut as your head sank back into the cushioned arm of the sofa.

you sighed out a small whimper of relief when he finally tugged your underwear to the side, fingers instantly slicking with your arousal when they met your bare skin, sliding in with little resistance. he'd started out with just two, but the incessant desire to be filled was quelled for the moment with them, drawing a pathetic mewl out of you when they curled just right within you.

"are you always this excited?"

another question you didn't know the honest answer to, but you shook your head anyways, accompanying it with a weak "n-no" to stroke his ego like you knew he wanted you to. you went stiff with a sudden tension when felt a third finger prodding at your pussy, eyes flying back open as you made a disconcerted sound of protest.

"relax.." he murmured into your shoulder, biting softly over one of the fresher marks, "if you can't handle this, how can you take me?"

you took a shaky breath, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you let your thighs fall open a bit more, doing your best to not clench your muscles. and you could feel how he let out a low groan over your skin when he finally slipped in all three, burying them knuckle-deep, rewarding you with a smattering of open-mouthed kisses across your bruised flesh.

"good girl. good girl." he nipped at your jaw, adjusting the speed of his wrist to match how your hips rolled up to meet his hand, the pad of his thumb rolling firmly over your clit.

you could feel that warm knot in your stomach tangling further, the tantalizing thought of release ebbing every bit of trepidation out of you as you allowed your moans and whines to spill out into the open air, heels digging into the felt of the couch around him. but just moments before you could find your high, his touch gone, and he was rising off of you to sit back on his calves, absentmindedly wiping the wetness from his fingers away on his pants, making quick work of his shirt, standing briefly to kick off his pants and help you out of your displaced bottoms before he settled back over you.

your skin was hot with need against his own, arm linking around his sturdy back and pressing his lips back over yours, letting him guide one leg up against his side as he lined himself up with you. you squeaked when you felt the tip of his cock press into you, hands bracing themselves on his shoulders, wide, unfocused eyes gazing up at him for some sort of reassurance. and that sense of security filled your heaving chest, that knowing look he focused solely on you, only made for you in this moment, forehead pressed to yours, breath fanning over your lips.

a strained, shuddering whine broke from your throat as he eased himself inside of you, inch by inch, barely able to hold your eyes open enough to maintain his fixed stare, mouth falling open in a feeble attempt to gasp back in all the air he'd pushed out of you.

"fuck." he growled lowly, fingers sinking almost painfully into the thigh in his grasp, trying to fit his body as close as it could possibly be to your own.

another sound rumbled out of him from deep in his chest when your nails dug into the firm muscle beneath them, hungry, greedy lips capturing yours. his pace was mercifully slow, given that he was probably just as eager for his own release as you were for yours, but the overwhelming fullness that you felt each time his hips met yours drove whatever tiny breath you'd been able to catch between his kisses.

you spread your legs as far as the narrow space of the couch allowed it, whimpering, feeling how you were already making a dripping mess of your thighs and the fabric beneath you. your heart was practically beating out of your chest, so loud in your ears that you wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it too, his mouth catching every pant and moan he drew from you, the steady pace of his movements falling away into an ardent, frenzied rhythm. his mouth strayed back to your neck, grunting and biting into the abused flesh, and without the barrier to muffle your sounds you were whining out into the open space of the apartment, gasping in the air humid with your shared arousal, nails scratching down his back without care for whether they'd leave a mark, only dragging them back across his hot skin over and over again just to hear him groan out your name once more.

you could feel yourself climbing back up towards that delightful precipice, legs wrapping around his body and forcing him deeper into you so he could reach that spot that made white stars burst across the darkness of your close-lidded eyes. you tried to force your mouth to form coherent words, to warn him about how dangerously close you were, but all that spilled from your lips was more breathless sounds, body arching up to press against his as heat scalded over every inch of your bare skin, limbs shuddering and clinging desperately to him as he continued to roughly thrust into you.

tears were pricking at your eyes by the time he moaned a jumbled string of curses into your neck, arms nearly giving out beneath him as he spilled himself inside of you, your chests heaving in an unmatched, ragged unity against each other. he stayed there for a few moments, still inside you, struggling to catch his breath but still pressing the occasional kiss over your neck and shoulders. your fingers released their grasp on him, not realizing how hard you'd been clenching your hands until you felt the stiff ache resonating through your joints.

you tried to murmur something to him, but all that escaped was a weak whimper, legs slipping back down to lay on the couch, arms resting heavy on his back. you hadn't meant to fall asleep so fast, but your head had already been spinning from warm shocks still echoing through every fiber of your body, let alone the alcohol and the sheer physical exertion. you let your eyes fall shut, lids far too heavy to keep open, and slipped away easily into a dreamless slumber.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

zeke blindly reached about for the towel he'd set aside near the sink, finally grabbing it and pressing it to his dripping face, patting his skin and beard dry before tossing it into the hamper by the door. replacing his glasses onto his face, he blinked away the grogginess in his eyes, running his fingers through his hair to flatten it into a somewhat presentable style. he turned to the open door, catching a glimpse of you nestled under the comforter of his bed, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

he'd carried you to his room last night, but didn't get the chance to clean you up until this morning. by then, the bruises that had been an angry shade of red over your neck and chest had settled into your skin and darkened significantly, some bordered by deeper teethmarks that still had yet to fade. you hadn't stirred when he'd pulled the covers away from you for just a few moments, peeling off your underwear that he'd haphazardly replaced on your body to keep the mess to a minimum and gently wiping his cum away from your skin with a wet washcloth. he'd really tired you out, and something about seeing you so exhausted after just one night with him made a flicker of pride swell in his chest.

flicking off the light in the bathroom, he didn't bother to add a shirt over his relaxed attire of just a pair of sweatpants as he left his bedroom, making sure to quietly shut the door behind him.

"rise and shine." his back was still to the kitchen when he heard reiner's voice, turning to face his roommate who was looking at him with a mix of disapproval and curiosity, most likely having gotten a good look at the scratches you left down his skin last night.

"how was your time at bertholdt's?" zeke asked, ignoring reiner's frown as he glossed over his intrigue, wandering over to the fridge to grab some water for himself.

"not great." he grunted, reaching into the cabinet below the stove and fetching a pan, "he decided to invite annie over when he heard i was coming. you can imagine how boring it was to watch those two make eyes at each other the entire night."

zeke chuckled at that, cracking the top off of the cool bottle in his hands and taking a refreshing gulp, glancing at the table and noticing its lack of plates and the leftovers of night-old curry. "oh, you did the dishes. thanks."

"yeah, yeah, just glad you had your fun last night without me having to hear it." he stepped aside to let reiner put a carton of eggs and the butter out of the fridge. "but seriously man? the couch? you're gonna have to get that dry-cleaned or something, and i'm not helping you pay for it either."

"don't worry about it, i'll take care of it." he replied with a lazy smile, quickly adding on to his smooth response, "and be nice, alright? it's someone we know."

"who?" he asked, not at all looking it but obviously interested in his answer, flicking on the gas under the pan and dumping a spoonful of butter into it.

"one of eren's friends." reiner's eyes shot briefly over to him at that, prompting him to give a brief description of you, "remember? you saw her that time we all met up to watch that horror marathon while i still lived with my parents."

"wait.. you told me about her. isn't she dating your brother??"

"was dating my brother." he corrected, rolling his eyes at the disgruntled bewilderment etched across his friends face, "what? i had to show her that this generation of jaegers wasn't a complete disappointment.."

"whatever, man. your business." he finished off his water bottle in silence, watching reiner crack a few eggs in a bowl and whisk them together with a fork, finally breaking the silence with a generous offer. "you want me to make something for her?"

a slight grin broke out across zeke's face, dumping the empty plastic into the recycling bin, slapping reiner's back affectionately. "thought you'd never ask. thanks again, man."

"at your service." was his grumbled, monotone reply, the shadows weighing under his eyes clearly showing how late he'd arrived home last night and how little sleep he'd gotten. zeke was sure that once he'd got some coffee in him he'd cheer up a bit.

he was sure reiner wouldn't be done for another few minutes, so he wandered back into his room, wondering if you'd woken up yet so he could direct you to the shower if you wanted one. in the time that he'd been in the kitchen, you shifted around in bed, having rolled onto your back and knocked the covers away to reveal your bruised chest, hair covering half of your face but still identifiable. perfect.

zeke fished his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, unlocking it and tapping into the camera app, taking a few steps closer to the bed and zooming in a bit before he snapped a picture of you.

10:39 am you you sent an image to eren

eren 10:40 am uhhh did you send that to the wrong person

eren 10:41 am wait hold on who is that zeke who the fuck is that

eren 10:42 am is that my fuckingngirlfrined

you missed a call from eren

eren 10:43 am why the fuck aren't you fuckign picking up

you missed a call from eren (2)

eren 10:45 am holy shit what the fuck this can't be fucking happening zeke what the fuck is wrong wjth you you piece of fucking shit

zeke tapped out of his messages with his brother, sliding over his notifications setting to "do not disturb" before dropping his phone back into his pocket. he couldn't help the low chuckle he let out at his frantic replies. maybe if he'd held the same enthusiasm with you then he wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. moving over to your side of the bed, he took a seat on the mattress beside you, perking up at the sound of your small groan, eyes sleepily fluttering open to gaze up at him.

"g'morning." you murmured, letting out a quiet yawn as you sat up in bed, holding the sheets up to cover your bare chest despite him having already seen you naked.

"how'd you sleep?"

"like a fucking rock." he laughed softly at your bluntness. "my head kinda hurts.. sorry i fell asleep on you last night."

you looked positively adorable right now, and he was glad you weren't panicking or having any second thoughts about him, that you had fully digested the reality of your situation and come to peace with it. well, at least the situation before he'd sent that picture to eren.

"don't worry about it," he assured you, keeping the thought of his brother probably blowing up his phone and leaving the usual voicemails of him screaming at him when he was angry in his inbox, "i'll get you some breakfast soon. need any ibuprofen?"

"yes please." you smiled gratefully up at him, his heart twinged. "and could you grab me my purse? i left it in the kitchen, my roommates probably wondering why i didn't come back last night."

he began to say yes, but thought of how you were probably receiving a similar slew of alarmed messages by this point made him stop. "how about a shower first? you'd probably feel a lot better after that."

you hummed thoughtfully for a few moments, rubbing the sleep from your eyes with the back of your hand. "a shower sounds nice.. if you don't mind."

"wouldn't have offered if i did, babe." he grinned at the way your cheeks flushed, waving a hand over to his bathroom door, "shower's in there, plenty of towels on the rack by the tub."

he stood, turning to begin making his way to the door to give you some privacy, but felt your fingers gingerly wrapped around your wrist. "zeke.. thank you. for everything. i've been in a really tough spot for the last few months, and now everything seems... it all seems a lot clearer to me, like i just took the hardest step and it'll be a breeze after this."

your smile was genuinely, infectious, eyes full of gratitude, and had it not been for the heavy news that you would most likely be finding out about within the hour, he probably would've responded with one of equal radiance. but he managed to perk up the corners of his lips for you, tracing back to press a quick kiss over the top of your head.

"at your service."

he was pleased to see that his copied, more charmingly delivered words garnered such a positive response from you. and so he made his way back out into the kitchen, pulling out his phone to briefly check the amount of notifications that had racked up on his lock screen. thirty-six messages and sixteen missed phone calls. damn was that little brat persistent.

despite having essentially thrown you under the bus, he didn't feel any semblance of guilt for the action of having sent that incriminating photograph. the only remorse he felt was for leaving you as the sole recipient to his brother's rage, and the fact that he was starting to feel a strange sort of affinity for you, something lighter and more innocuous than the lust that he had shown you the previous evening. so he slipped over to the dinner table, acknowledging reiner's announcement that your eggs were ready with a short hum, finding your purse exactly where you said it had been.

he could hear the sound of the shower being turned on, and he felt safe unzipping the small bag and rummaging around to fish your phone out from beneath your other belongings. as he'd expected, there were a few missed calls from a "sasha", who he assumed to be your roommate, the messages from "eren <3" quickly beginning to pile up on your home screen. and as the "incoming call" text showed on the screen and the phone began to vibrate, zeke held down on the power button, completely shutting it off before he pocketed the device.

he just had to keep you busy, get you to focus on anything besides your desire to get to your purse and check your phone, or figure out a polite way to quickly shoo you out of the door and get home before you realized that you didn't have it in your bag. he hadn't really planned for this outcome, he usually didn't have this sort of compassion for others when he set his mind to getting something done, but he had a feeling that the extra work would be worth it in the grand scheme of things.

⥼ next chapter

#zeke yeager #zeke jaeger #zeke yeager x reader #zeke yeager x you #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke yeager smut #zeke jaeger smut #snk zeke #snk x reader #snk x you #snk x reader smut #aot x reader #aot x you #aot x reader smut #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction

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the-midnight-feline · 3 years

Text

¤¸¸.•´¯`•¸¸.•..>> So this piece is actually part of the Piliin mo ang Pilipinas Collab event hosted by @lumpiang-toge, you guys should seriously check this out since the works posted there are such good reads ❤️️<<..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸¤

this is the first time i've joined a collab, (ngl i thought i was waaay in over my head lol) i'd like to thank a friend of mine, Dylan, (won't tag his blog just cause, loves you for reading it !) thanks so much for the encouraging words ❤️ and of course Mama Rae (@hq-girl-next-door) for the advice on the banner**❤️

**For the banner I did, I took the image from pinterest, if you guys know who the artist is, please let me know so I could properly give credit to them :)

Tags/TW: Mutual pinning-ish, friends to lovers, fluff to angst, Cheating, swearing (I think theres one or two in there)

(A/N: Please don't get too confused /-\, the italic parts is you recollecting the past, it comes and goes (。♡‿♡。))

WC: 3.8k ;-; didn't know it get that long

Pairings: Tendou Satori x fem!Reader

Summary: It all started with a simple crush, you wouldn't have guessed that it'll be more than that, It was a dream come true to loved and be loved by the person you loved, but not all dreams end good, some end as a nightmare.

“You like the Guess Monster, like THE Guess Monster?!?!” your friends shouted in unison, looking at them frantically as you’re in the gym watching the guys warm up for a practice match and the way they shouted had the sounds of balls hitting the floor just below where your group sat, you willed yourself to look at the who were the people below you guys trying repress the blush you feel creeping on your cheeks, swallowing that lump on your throat as you peaked just a little over the ledge and saw his red hair. Internally cussing out your so-called friends, you tired to act like you calm and collected as he was looking up at the bleachers, maybe trying to guess which one in your group, who was also looking over at whoever heard them, liked him, shaking his head, chuckling toward Ushijima and Semi who was already making their way to the court to get this warm up started.

A single tear began rolling down your cheek as you remembered how it all began, your friends’ sudden outburst in the gym gave you the opportunity to talk to the guy you’ve been crushing on when you first saw him in the opening ceremony just something about him drew you to him and you were adamant on getting to, at the least, know him. Sitting on the floor of your shared bedroom, opening the memory box you and your husband made a few months after you started dating.

Semi knew your friend, he actually liked her and from that outburst of theirs at the gym, he 89immediately thought of a way to hit two birds with one stone. “hey, y/f/n, I heard you guys at the bleachers, sooo” scratching he neck out of shyness “which of your friends like our Tendou? Maybe we could setup a date or something?" He really liked your friend and would honestly do anything to get her on a date, she pointed to you, the quiet in of the group, usually the source of rationality and guidance, the one that acts like the mediator of the group. You really always kept to yourself, didn’t really want to attract attention towards yourself. Semi was skeptical at first, you the quiet, shy girl of the class liked that loud ass friend of his? Maybe y/f/n was pulling his leg, she can’t be serious.

A bitter laugh escapes your lips as the memory of your first date comes crashing on you as see the pressed flower from the little hole in the wall café near the school, Semi was the one that found that café and planned every detail of the date.

As you and your friend were walking towards the café Semi told her about, you were itching to just keep hitting your friends back “why the hell did you fucking agree to this?!!” you hissed at your friend, you were practically shooting daggers at her for saying yes on your behalf and you didn’t even know what she agreed to but she told you to get dolled up, silly you, thinking that it’ll be just a girls day out, but peering over her shoulder as your guys walk out of the dorm, you see her texting Semi, thinking maybe it was him asking for notes since they were in the same class. She led you to this small café and you guys sat at a corner booth, making you sit inside by the wall, you really thought nothing of it, until you saw that distinctive red hair bounding towards your booth. Your palms got a tad sweaty, nerves getting the best of you, a million thoughts racing in your mind that you didn’t notice that the Tendou Satori was there taking the seat opposite of you in the booth, the ever infectious smile directed towards you and you alone. Seeing as you and Satori were basically having a silent conversation with just your smiles, Semi and your friend made a discreet exit and left you two be. Little did you know, he often saw you around, he knows you like shounen jump as much as he does since he sees you go to the store he usually goes to, he knows what snacks you liked since he usually goes out at the middle of the night to get some snacks of his own at the convenience store around the corner. He sees you in the library with your nose buried in some book when he follows Semi there just to annoy him. Tendou didn’t tell anybody about the girl he liked from afar, he knew he’d scare you off, no one wanted to date a Monster, or that’s what he thought.

Looking back, that impromptu date was what started the relationship with Satori, a soft sob escapes your lips as tears gently fall on the first picture you have together, he suddenly rang you up and asked you to go to the mall with him. In the picture, he had his arm wrapped around your shoulder while you were hugging his waist tightly, seemingly scared that being with him was a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

Getting out of the shower, you hear your phone ring from under your pillow, confused as to who might that be since it was an unknown number calling you, curious you answered it. “hey y/n! I know it’s kinda out of the blue but, you wanna go to the mall with me?” shock was evident in your body, it was Tendou! Your thoughts was scrambling, you know you didn’t get a chance to give him your number before you guys parted ways on your first meeting since Coach Washijo made Ushijima contact both guys for a weekend practice. You knew the coach was a hot head and would make anymore run 50 laps if they were late and that was a few weeks ago, a worried Tendou called out to you again “uh…y/n? If you have other plans I totally under-“ blinking back to the present “I’d love to go! Lemme get ready and I’ll meet you down” you cut him off midsentence hearing a small chuckle at the other line “don’t make me wait too long ok?” he said in a teasing tone which made you giggle on the line “yes, yes Satori, I’ll hang up so I could get ready ok? See you!” it took every ounce of self-control to not shriek the whole conversation, once he hung up you were practically jumping on your bed out of pure joy, but then you remembered that he’ll be waiting, you quickly snapped out of it and looked through your dresser for a decent outfit for going out with Tendou, you quickly settled with a simple get up of a long sleeved shirt and pants with some sneakers on, you excitedly exited your room, to meet up with Tendou, hoping you haven’t made him wait too long, turning the last corner you see him outside your dorm, almost wearing the same thing as you, even the color of your shoes match, biting your lip to stop a stupid smile from taking over you walk up behind him, gently poking his side, his sudden jump made you giggle as he took in all of you, a smile makes its way on his lips and eyes as he himself lets out a chuckle. “y/n? Are you copying me?” shaking your head, letting a small laugh out “Satori, please you’re the one copying me here” he just shook his out of amusement when he saw the glint of teasing in your eyes before he offended his arm to you like a gentleman would, the small action made you faint blush.

You two spent the day just walking around the mall, just browsing from store to store, having just a blast at all the random comments he makes, the last stop you guys make was the arcade, you guys played all sorts of games, air hockey, tried your luck at a pachinko machine and Tendou even tried the basketball game, which he surprisingly good at that he won a lot of tickets getting you a small rubiks cube, but near the back of the arcade something caught your eye, a purikura, Tendou saw where your eyes went and with a small smile he took your hand and walked towards the machine, and ushered you in the booth, he felt at comfortable around you, he would’ve never guessed that you were a crack head like, random outbursts of ideas and thoughts spouted from you made him laugh as you spent time together. He quickly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him, a flash went off, that was the first shot, with the blush creeping on your cheeks you hid your face under your hair and hugged him another flash went off, that was the second shot, he tipped you head up, making you look at him, his infectious smile directed at you as another flash went off, and the last shot was of him kissing your forehead. You were left speechless after that whole scenario, seemingly in a dazed as he guided you out and grab the prints of the photos. That’s how you guys ended the date, he held your hand in his all the way back to the dorms, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek as you parted ways.

Rummaging further through the memory box, you see all the mementos you both kept from your dates, a few fallen leaves, a couple of pretty rocks, stickers, napkins, flowers, pictures, the cork from the bottle of champagne you drank at your wedding. More tears fell from your eyes as you dug through all the stuff in the box, who knew you both collected a lot of things in just a couple of years. What made you sob so hard was the acceptance letters you both got when you were selected as the few students for the incoming year.

A few months before graduation, you both got accepted into a culinary school in Tokyo, you were ecstatic as this means you and Tendou could get a place together since your parents already gave you two a small amount to get a place near the school so you two could still practice and create new dishes together, it was really no surprise to your friends or the whole volleyball team that you two would get into culinary school, you’ve always had a thing for cooking, you’d often come their practices with some bento boxes for all of the guys so they don’t have to go out and spend for food, on the weekends, the kitchen was his domain he’d let you watch him bake and oftentimes let you help him out. It’s often that the whole group get together during the weekends, you cooking for them while Tendou makes that dessert. For some reason, they got jealous of how your relationship started, it was as if all the pieces just fell into place at the right time, you two together just seemed right like you two were always suppose to be with each other. There’s always been a carefree air around him, it calmed you down so much that it helped you be more open or that’s how you saw it. You were the opposite of him always worrying, always, over thinking, being overly critical of your actions and how you overwhelmed with everything so you turned to anything that’ll help you divert your mind but once he was in your life it just got easier. He voice would immediately calm the voices spewing negative thoughts I had your head.

Looking around your room, you see pictures of you together, your graduation picture, the picture of you guys on the front of the school, the picture of your guys graduating culinary school, a photo of you two at the restaurant where you two both apprenticed and next to that was the candid shot of his proposal there, a mix of joy and hurt shoot through you as you the memory come rushing back to you.

The way he sheepishly confessed that he asked the manager if he could do his proposal there and invite your family and friends for that surprise. “Hey y/n, come with me, a customer just complained about the sauce you made being too salty, I’m not taking blame for that!” an angry chef came shouting at you, shocked and anxiousness dunning through you, you timidly follow behind him, thinking how you could screw up a simple sauce like that, your thoughts were everywhere, but once you stepped outside the kitchen you noted that the dining area was dimmer then usual, but maybe that’s because you’re used to the bright lights of the kitchen, you hear a soft melody playing, it’s one of your favourite songs ‘I Choose' you’ve always related that song to your relationship. On the far wall you see photos of you together, looking around you see familiar faces, his and your parents, your friends, the Shiratorizawa boys were there even the coach came!

The euphoria you felt from having everyone who had been part of your relationship through the ups and downs just had you in tears, your head was fuzzy with the mix of a dozen emotions swirling in you, through a blur of tears you see him kneeling in front of you, he let out a huff of breath to calm his nerves before asking you the question “y/n, my love, my baby, my better half, my paradise. You’ve stuck by my side through my highs and lows, loved me unconditionally, took care of me whenever I got sick, urged me to follow my dreams, guided me into being a better guy, especially with my chocolate making you supported my dreams like no other can, you, you made my world complete, you made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, you gave me your heart to cherish and protect. You made my life whole” the words flowed out of his mouth so freely, every word making more tears come out of you, every word so heartfelt, with shakey hands we presented you a pear cut yellow emerald ring “My Paradise, would you do me the honor of being my paradise for eternity?” no words could express how happy you were nodding your head, trying to stop happy tears from falling a hushed ‘yes’ slips past you lips as he stands to slip the ring on your left hand, pulling you in for a tight hug, whispering endless I love you’s and thank you in your ears as the people around you cheered for the newly engaged couple.

Biting back another sob, you feel fresh tears streaming down your cheeks as your eyes land on your wedding photo above the bed, he loved you enough to marry you, he was yours and you were his, you can’t help but stare at the framed photo, he had that infectious smile of his that made you fall from him the day you saw him. He has you up in his arms as your arms were wrapped around his neck, pecking a sweet kiss on his cheek. You asked him many times if he’d like to blowup another photo from your wedding, he simply shook his head and wrapped you up in his arms “you’re perfect in any picture of us, but in that one you look like the most perfect human being in existence and I’m just lucky to have you in my life” you basked in his love and affection on those simple words pulling him closer and burying you face on his chest, inhaling his sweet scent “I’m lucky to have you Tori, lucky to be called your wife” placing a chaste kiss on his chest as you look up to him with love-struck eyes. This was it you guys moved countries after your wedding to France since Tendou was offered a job at a famous pâtisserie there, all you wanted was your husband happy, wherever you guys may be.

You never really cared where you two were, as long as you were together, you could get lessons on the French cuisine as Tendou works, that was the plan before you guys flew out. You worked hard to learn the basics, you’d often have Tendou taste test all your creations and you’ll you the same for him since he likes to experiment with different flavor combinations, things were great the first few months of moving cross countries, you enrolled in a cooking classes there to build up your repertoire and after a few weeks of learning a few new techniques you've decided to look around for places you could work at just to keep your body busy again. You've decorated the apartment the way you liked it and how you think Tendou would like it, just adding different odds and ends giving it a familiar vibe. This place was your starting ground.

When you got a job at the nearby bistro, Tendou didn’t really mind it, since he’d often come home a bit later then usual saying something along the lines of making things in the experiment lab with the other chocolatiers at the shop to have something new for the upcoming season, in turn you thought nothing of it since you do work nights after getting a gig in a restaurant in town as well, it also means you could still have time to make his dinner and keep it warm for when he gets home. You two actually got into an argument when you got that gig since Tendou was adamant about keeping you in the apartment after the morning shift at the bistro so you don’t work yourself too hard, he wanted to start thinking about getting a kitten to keep you company when he’s out working but you argued back that you didn’t wanna feel like mooching off of him even though he said it was fine, he loved coming home to a warm meal that you made with love and gets more time to spend with you, but he did cave in after a few bats of your eyelashes.

It was perfect, you both were doing what you were passionate about, you two scheduled your offs near each other’s so one could take care of each other after a long day. But there was this weird feeling creeping in you but you simply don’t know why it was there, you and Tendou always kept communication open since you two do work different shifts and that itself puts a strain in the relationship but you two made it work. You loved him. So you would really sacrifice anything for him, he had have a rough childhood, he was bullied cause he looked different, acted different, but he wasn’t like that for you, he never was, even though he had a wicked sense for things which really surprised you, you can’t even hide a gift from him cause he knew what you’d get him or more likely sense what you’ll give him.

You don’t tell him that you swapped shifts with someone so you technically have a day off so you decided to drop by the pâtisserie where Tendou worked with some home made Pan Bagnat since it was nearing lunch, as you were close to the shop you saw his figure near the window placing new confections on display, but something made you stop, another person, a female chocolatier, was hugging him from behind and not in a friendly way, there was familiarity to it, it looked as if she’s been hugging him for so long, like she’s always hugged him, you didn’t notice that you’ve dropped the basket you were holding on the sidewalk, the glass bottle shattering on impact, the sangria spilling on the pavement, the sandwich you made, making a mess, the fruits you packed rolling in every direction. People around gasped at the scene, some tried to help in picking up the fruits that escaped, your mind in thought again, maybe you just interpreted it wrongly they’re just so so close, like a brother and sister kinda way, since they both work in the shop, you simply jumped to conclusions too fast, those thought completely vanished as the next sight you saw.

She kissed him. SHE KISSED HIM!! Your mind played that in your head like it was a song played on a loop. That was what made your heart break, that was the tipping point, he didn’t push her away, it was the opposite, he pulled her closer, the way he held her mirrored how he would hold you when he came home from work, people around you were asking you things trying to snap you out of your trance but you paid no mind to them, your legs moving on their own.

It was as if you were on autopilot, you got home, your mind racing with so many thoughts, how long had that been going on? Is she why he’d come home later than usual, is she the reason he had woken up earlier to get to work everyday? Did he spend his days off with her when you suddenly get shifts? Walking into your apartment, you didn’t know what to think, how to feel, how to make sense of things more questions come into your mind. Does he bring her here? Did they do anything sexual in the place you called home? What places were safe? Did she please him better than I did? You walked into your bedroom where the memory box laid in the middle of bed. It was your first wedding anniversary, did he really forget? Your anniversary was engraved on your wedding rings with your initials on it.

A scream of agony escaped your lips as everywhere you looked at it was all you and him the very place you thought was the safest of all was not. It's tainted with infidelity, your heart broke even more as you took the box from the bed with shaking hands contemplating on whether to open the box or not, he loved you with every part of him didn’t he? You were enough weren’t you? You made sure he was satisfied right? You gave him all the love you could and even more right? Didn’t he promise you that he’d protect your heart? You're still his paradise right? He loves you right?

Maybe opening the box, and finding something that you both placed in there would make him rethink his choices right? With broken sobs and uneven breathing, your fingers shaking as you pulled the pretty red ribbon that held the lid shut, looking at all the things that you both collected that reminded you both that you loved each other you broke even more. Every one of them held the promise of love, of fidelity, of trust. But now, a part of you is doubting every word that passed his lips, every kiss that landed on your skin made you feel dirty, every I love you's he uttered seems like a lie. You didn’t want to feel that way, you love him with every part of your being, you’re THE Mrs. Satori Tendou, no one else but you had that title, just you, it was only you right? You were his paradise for eternity right? Right?

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I hope you guys liked this, I actually really liked working on this one(played my brokenhearts plays it nonstop for it) , but I do have another one coming so...yeah!

Song inspiration :Anong Nangyari Sa Ating Dalawa by Aiza Seguerra

Song used in the proposal I Choose by Alessia Cara

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