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damnlance · 3 years

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Klance angsty prompt 6 please 👀

Klangst Prompt #6

6. “You’ve never hurt me. Ever”

Summary: Lately, Lance has been stressed beyond the point of breaking… The end of the war was 3 years ago and yet, it’s not enough time to pass for Lance to feel better. Not even close. Everyone has always called him a hero. And since the day they landed back on earth, everyone has gone so far to ask for photos and autographs and all that. These days Lance is sick of it.

Or; the pressures of being the ‘savior of earth’ has been building up inside of Lance, causing him to erupt on any and everyone.

Good thing he has his amazing boyfriend.

-there’s a slow start, but I PROMISE it’s klance so just keep reading!

-also galra (kitten) Keith ?? I love him

It all started with a fangirl just a few weeks ago.

Lance decided to walk to his favorite coffee shop one chilly afternoon. He woke up really late and was immediately craving something sweet yet bitter. And since he lives with most of his family, running out of coffee five days after buying a brand new pack of it is very common, especially when no one wants to buy more for whatever reason.

So there Lance was, walking down the street. Hands tucked into his blue lion hoodie (thanks to all the merch the fans of voltron have made over the years), making his way to the closest coffee shop near his home. And then he hears the high pitched squeal of a girl at least 10 feet away from him. Then 9 feet.. then 6.. then 4 because she’s literally running at him with the speed of a hundred cheetahs chasing a gazelle until she’s right there, face to face with Lance.

“Oh my god!!” She yelled, jumping up and down like some 5 year old girl getting a puppy. She was about 5’7, short brown hair and huge blue eyes that almost resembled Lance’s. She wore this giant faux fur coat and beanie to match, and her phone was IN LANCE’S FACE.

She was all over him and it was attracting others to stare their way. Lance tried to calm her down by smiling and using a little of his charm but it was just making the girl fangirl even more. So he took a picture with her to be on his way before the coffee shop got too busy. But she wouldn’t back off. Apparently she wasn’t satisfied with the picture, something about how her eyes were closed? Or how blurry it came out? Lance couldn't remember, he just wanted his coffee.

The girl kept hounding him and following him, demanding that he retake the picture with her. Lance let her down easy, saying how he needed to be someplace important and that he was running late. The girl kept pushing him. Following his every move, right on his heels. Begging, pleading with him to take more pictures because she ‘needed them,’ whatever that meant. Lance tried his hardest to be nice and polite because as a former paladin of voltron and as one of seven someone’s who have saved the entire universe, his image is everything. Without him or his former paladins, there would probably be no earth. So he stopped in his tracks and took a better picture with the girl.

He felt good to see her happy because of something that he had done. Plus he looked really good in that picture, who knew the earth’s natural lighting at 1pm could make his skin look so smooth? Once he gave his approval of the better pic, he was on his way again, hoping that the line to the coffee shop wasn’t even longer now. As he started to fast walk down the busy sidewalk, something yanked him back by the neck and he came crashing down. Literally. He fell right back on his ass and when he looked up, this same crazy girl was looming over him like a mad woman. With his blue hand-knit wool scarf dangling from her grabby hands. The anger that had been simmering in Lance’s gut was at a full blown boil and he was just about ready to explode. So.. he kinda did..

Long and embarrassing story short, Lance yelled at her. He snatched his blue scarf out of her hands so fast, it scared her, and as he rubbed his most likely bruised tailbone, he got in her face and began blaming her for the world's most horrible fan interaction. He was so angry, that he balled his fists, stomped his foot and had veins protruding out of his neck and forehead. He called her names and most likely spit in her face, but he didn’t care. And when he was done, he took a step back and examined the girl in front of him. She was folded in on herself, holding her arms close to her body as her bottom lip quivered and fat, giant tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked so.. mortified. And actually.. scared of him. Like if Lance were to say anything or move a muscle, she’d flinch.

Seconds later, Lance’s face softened into something regretful and he went out to reach for her, to apologize. But, like he knew she would, she flinched. And then hurried away like he was a mad man. All the while crying and clutching her phone to her chest. Lance felt absolutely demolished inside. He tried to go after her but his feet were glued to the cement of the sidewalk. He didn’t even want his coffee anymore.

Thankfully, there were no viral videos or photos or posts about the incident. Lance ended up tracking the girl down a few days later and showered her with all the love he could muster, even taking as many pics as she wanted and liking them on Instagram when she tagged him. But.. something inside him still felt so horrible about the incident. For a moment, Lance had realized that he genuinely hurt that girl for no real reason. He just wanted some coffee but is coffee more important than the people who are thankful and want to show their gratitude for him for everything he did with voltron? If the roles were reversed and he stayed on earth, he would be bending over backwards to let all the paladins know just how thankful he was to live another day on their planet. That girl probably had family, friends, maybe a spouse and kids, and in the midst of that horrible battle 3 years ago, she most likely thought that one of those days would be her last with them.

It broke Lance’s heart thinking about it. He really hurt her. Sure, he made it right and she forgave him, but in that single moment, he actually hurt someone enough to make them cry, to make them run away from him. It was a terrible feeling. It wasn’t Lance. He never wanted that to happen again.

And at the same time.. he.. kinda never wanted to be the savior of earth. Not really.. he just wanted to feel like he had a place in the universe, and to know that he played an important role. That he mattered.

Guess he really matters now..

He sends a long text to Keith with shaky hands.

Message delivered..

The second he walked through the door, his phone rang. It was a three-way call with Hunk and Pidge. Lance pressed the green button to answer and placed the phone to his ear. Immediately, Hunk starts going on and on about how much he misses Lance and when the next time they’ll see each other will be. Lance smiled at his best friend’s inability to ever take a breath between sentences and replied with a warm ‘I miss you too, buddy.’ They got to catching up as Lance ordered his garlic knots and sat down at a private booth near the back of the place. He didn’t want to draw any attention to himself, especially when he got the call from his best friends.

Hunk tells him all the great things that’s been happening at the Garrison and even on the Atlas. He tells him how his restaurant is doing and how his family is doing and how Shay is doing. Pidge catches him up on things with her family, some new inventions she’s been working on, and how being the youngest teacher at the Garrison is going. Lance listens and gives his two cents on everything his friends tell him and honestly, he couldn’t be more happy for them. The way they were able to just get their lives together 3 years after the war is.. incredible. It made him think about everything he’s done since the war ended. Which wasn’t much.. he took over his family’s farm and brought it back to life, he helps out Colleen, Pidge’s mom, with medicine and finding cures to strange space illnesses with plants she has him grow on his farm, and his family’s market wouldn’t be as popular or swarming with business if he didn’t work there. Sad but true. And that’s really it. He hasn’t done much else. Nothing life changing or breathtaking like his friends.

But Hunk and Pidge don’t need to know that. So he simply replies with: “Oh, ya know.. same old, same old,” and hopes it works enough to keep the conversation flowing and follow up questions at bay. It does.

30 minutes into their conversation and Lance is starting to feel a little.. agitated. With the garlic knots consumed and digesting in his stomach, he sits in the booth, alone, listening to his friends go on and on and on about their perfect jobs and their perfect little lives. He gets lost a few times and at one point has literally no idea what they’re talking about. When he tries to ask what or who or even get the slightest details, Pidge lets out a sigh that Lance can’t help but feel like is out of annoyance. Lance sighs back and continues to stay silent because obviously he’s not getting anywhere. Why even bother putting him on a call that Hunk and Pidge could have just had on their own??

Balling his fist, Lance let out a loud, overdramatic sigh. He didn’t care if his friends heard it or how they took it. He was upset. The conversation between his two friends comes to a halt and then awkward silence. Pidge is the first to speak up with a:

“Something you wanna add, Lance?” The annoyance in her voice is very much there and Lance doesn’t miss it. He scoffs loudly and grits his teeth.

“No.” He says, voice deepening in anger.

“Oh really?” Pidge asks, poking the sleeping bear that lies dormant in lance. “Cause it sure sounds like it to me. Why don’t you stop being such a fucking child and tell us what’s bothering you this time??”

Lance damn near growls.

The line has gone quiet now. Hunk’s unsteady breathing is audible but other than that, silence. Lance digs his nails into the skin of his palms and tries to keep the angry tears in his eyes from falling down his cheeks. With a deep shaky breath, he smiles through the pain.

“You know what, Katie,” Lance spits and it makes Hunk gasp. “Fuck YOU and this stupid, shitty attitude you have all the time!”

“Oh, god..” Hunk winces.

“I don’t know what the actual fuck crawled up your ass,” Lance continues, “but I’m sick of it! I've been sick of it for years! I’m sick of keeping my mouth shut and quite frankly, I’m sick of YOU!”

Lance is standing up out of his seat now. His chest heaves up and down as the angry tears have fallen past his face and down his neck. His voice is two octaves deep from anger and the skin of his palm is bloody from how hard he’s digging his nails into it. The place has gone quiet now and Lance can feel multiple pairs of eyes on him. So much for not drawing any attention to himself.

The line is quiet. Then, the sound of a huff of breath. A small laugh.. And then:

“Wow. Nice one, McClain..” Pidge’s voice is small, but so full of something. “Go screw yourself, you asshole.”

The call ends. Whether Pidge or Hunk ended it, is unclear.

Minutes pass, and Lance is still standing in the same place with the phone to his ear. Tears are running down his face, and his Altean marks are buzzing so loud in his ears. His heart is pounding in his ribcage and ice cold sorrow runs through his veins..

He sends a long text to Keith with shaky hands.

Message delivered...

Now, exactly 3 months since that little incident, Lance sits alone in his home. In his childhood bedroom he can’t seem to rearrange because he’s still holding out hope that one day he’ll turn back time and be his child self and get a redo on his life. But hey, it’s better this way. After the whole dilemma with Pidge, Hunk tried to call Lance to help but ended up getting his feelings hurt. Yep. By Lance. Because Lance is a big jerk and can’t stop hurting everyone around him.

So he hasn’t talked to Pidge or Hunk since then. Mostly out of guilt and shame because those two are supposed to be his bestest friends and he hurt them. Nothing he could say or do could make up for his selfish mind and stupid mouth. Lance had this whole plan to go to Shiro about it, to get his advice so Lance could make it all better.

But Pidge being Pidge.. texted the whole thing in their group chat and.. well.. everyone saw it. Shiro, Hunk, Matt, even Keith possibly! It got so bad that Lance’s phone kept going off with alerts from everyone asking what happened and what he said. Curtis tried calling him and left a few messages. Shiro left him a long voicemail. And of course the word traveled so fast that it reached New Altea and Coran got involved. Which caused Romelle to be involved, too. She gossiped to Acxa, who told her girlfriend, who happens to be Lance’s sister, Veronica. Veronica blabbed to Rachel, who blabbed to Marco, who blabbed to Luis.. who blabbed to Lance’s dad.. WHO BLABBED TO LANCE’S MOM. And boy did she have some interesting words for him in the SEVEN, LONG voicemails asking exactly ‘what happened’and ‘why The Holt siblings were so angry with him.’

Everything escalated so fast. Lance can’t even remember what he said. Or why he said it. Since the war ended, it’s been so hard on him. Sure, it’s been hard on everyone, but for Lance it’s been different. Everyone looks up to him for some reason and expects him to do so good and be the hero they all think he is, when in reality? He was just a leg…

Exactly what did he gain from being a paladin of voltron anyway?? Get banged up and bruised almost everyday he was out there? Have people on his case, constantly reminding him how unimportant he was to the team? Pointing out all of his flaws and mistakes and focusing on those when there’s a million other good things he’s done that towers over all the bad shit?? Sure, he returned home to his family who he literally missed and cried for every single day, but he lost the love of his life in the process.

To put it all out there, Lance didn’t really gain anything. He got to travel through space, which was his dream since he was a little kid, and then space chewed him up and spit him out as some fake hero with PTSD and other trauma that will haunt him for the rest of his pathetic life.

So.. these past 3 months.

Lance has been sitting up in his childhood room.

Wishing he could use the power of Altea or something to turn back time.

And be his younger self.

His innocent self.

His happier self.

Back when he wasn’t so fucked up and had dreams and goals.

Back when everyone was proud of him.

Back to when he didn’t know who Allura was or that she even existed. Back to when Voltron didn’t exist either and everything was fucking fine.

Staring up at his ceiling, Lance counts the glow in the dark stars that he’s had up there since he was six years old. Somehow they’re still glowing and Lance is thankful for that because at 3 in the morning when the world is fast asleep and everything is pitch black, he could use the light.

It comforts him. Reminds him of a simpler, more happier time in his life.

Something sharp digs through Lance’s chest as he stares at those fake neon stars, and it hurts really bad. His breathing begins to quicken, matching the beat of his heart, and a lump finds its way up his throat. Tears pool in the rim of his eyes and spill down the corners, streaming down the sides of his face.

And they don’t stop. The stars get blurrier as Lance’s breathing gets heavier. His body begins to tremble with every hiccup of a sob that pours out of him and he’s crying so hard that his brain throbs in his head.

He curls in on himself in his bed and wraps his arms around his torso, crying uncontrollably into his space themed pillow. His Altean marks begin to buzz and glow and he can’t bring himself to care because all he wants to do is disappear.

Disappear from this game called life.

He types a text to Keith with teary eyes and a quivering bottom lip.

Message.. deleted…

As 3 in the morning turns to 4, a pod lands in the grass just a couple yards away from Lance’s farm. Boot covered feet step out of said pod and touch the wet grass waiting for them. It’s still dark out and the only light visible are the fireflies that buzz around a pair of cowboy booted feet. Those booted feet begin to walk, carrying a tall, broad, raven haired stranger up a hill to Lance’s home. The frogs and crickets seem to grow louder as the stranger in black cowboy boots makes their way to the front porch and pulls back the creaky screen door to a cold, locked doorknob. A set of keys are pulled out and a specific blue key is pushed inside the lock, turning and unlocking the door. The stranger walks in and is instantly met.. with..

Crying??

“H-Hello??” The stranger calls out. “Lance?”

The crying stops.

It’s dead quiet..

The door shuts on its own and the echo around the house is eery.

Light footsteps descend the stairs and before they know it, the stranger is being tackled to the ground in a bear hug.

“Ah-! Lance!?” They yell as the duffel bag from their hand falls to the ground.

“Keith!!” Lance yells out, voice rasped from endless crying.

Keith can immediately hear it and wraps his arms around Lance so tight, holding him close. His eyes glow yellow, something that usually happens out of fear, anger, or protectiveness, and his lips protrude to make way for his double set of fangs that are ready to bite any and everyone.

“Lance!” Keith tries to sit up but is pinned to the ground with all of Lance’s dead body weight. “Lance, honey, are you hurt? What’s wrong??”

A hand through curly brown locks and Lance’s crying dies down. He snuggles his face into Keith’s neck and hiccups through a response. Something too incoherent for Keith to make out, but he feels it has something to do with why he was told to go home ASAP.

A few weeks ago, Keith was contacted by Acxa via video chat. They talked and caught up for a few minutes before Acxa told Keith the real reason for her call. She explained that Veronica was having a tough time reaching out to Lance and that he might be in some kind of trouble. Not knowing the full extent of the story, Acxa only told Keith what she heard from Veronica and others. Fearing the worst, Keith packed up his shit and set a course for Earth as fast as he could.

Unfortunately, there were some setbacks on his way over where he had to make a few stops to tend to aliens in need because after all, that’s still his job as a blade member, but when that got finished, Keith hightailed it over. His Galra instincts wouldn't allow him to stay away for much longer anyway and having accepted his galra side a long time ago, it would have been best for everyone to let him go home.

Keith now lays in Lance’s bed, every inch of Lance’s body wrapped up around him like a snake. Keith strokes Lance’s hair soothingly and holds him close to his chest, right over his beating heart. A deep, soothing purr emits itself from Keith’s body and calms Lance’s nerves right down to the bone. Keith knows how much Lance adoreshis Galran features and at this point, Keith would do absolutely anything for Lance to feel better.

They talked about everything that happened and are now in the cuddle stage. Lance has his eyes shut, listening to Keith purr just for him. Long limbs wrapped around every inch of his boyfriend while Keith’s long nails scratch at his scalp, life is so good.

Life is so good with Keith around.

“So,” Keith says, voice as calm as ever. “What exactly did Pidge say?”

“Oh,” Lance answers, his voice quiet as a mouse. “You didn’t see the messages in the group chat?”

“No.” Keith shrugs, laying his cheek against Lance’s forehead. “Been kinda busy.. And I actually don’t understand how a group chat works.”

That rises a chuckle out of Lance as he sits up a bit to reach for his phone on the bedside dresser.

“Idiot,” he whispers with a small smile on his face and it makes Keith light up, his purring becoming a bit louder.

Lance lays back on Keith’s chest as he scrolls through the messages on his phone. When he finds the message from Pidge, Lance clears his scratchy throat and sniffs.

“From Pidgeotto,” he starts, looking at Pidge’s name in their ✨Paladudes✨ group chat. “Just an FYI lance is a.. a total fucking jackass and I am no longer friends with him..”

Keith immediately frowns at that.

Lance continues. “He can suck my big toe for all I care. I’m done with him. Have fun being a lonely loser @LanceyPants.”

“What the fuck?” Keith says, eyes glowing yellow in the dark room. “Why would she say that!?”

Lance shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes again. “Because she was right. I am a jackass..”

“Lance, no!” Keith sits up, bringing Lance with him. They sit side by side as Lance holds himself and looks down at his space blanket. He shrugs once and sniffs.

“Keith, stop,” he says, wiping a tear from his eye. “Look, I said some very hurtful things to her and she lashed out in a perfectly normal way..”

“Normal!?” Keith scoffs, grabbing Lance’s phone and rereading the message again. “Jackass? Loser?? Come on, Lance, she’s completely bullying you and you know it!”

Lance whips around with an angry expression on his face “Because I deserve it!”

The room grows quiet. Keith takes a deep breath and reaches over to grab Lance’s shoulders.

“Calm.” He says, taking a deep breath for Lance to mimic. Lance takes a deep breath with him and lets it out. Keith begins to purr again and it calms Lance even more.

“I.. Sorry..”

Keith nods. He reaches up to cup Lance’s cheek and rubs his thumb across Lance’s tear stained eye.

“You know I would never hurt anyone on purpose..” Lance sniffs. “That’s not who I am. I’m just.. I’m tired of being this symbol of everything strong and good and brave.”

“Mhm,” Keith rubs Lance’s back, leaning in closer to him to nuzzle his forehead. Lance nuzzles back and Keith’s purrs.

“I keep.. I keep hurting everyone I care about..” Lance whispers in a voice so low and fragile, it nearly shatters Keith’s heart.

“That’s not true.” Keith pulls back a little to look into Lance’s teary blue eyes. “Lance, you are the most incredible, selfless, honest person I’ve ever known. You are strong and good and brave even if you don’t mean to be. Or want to be.”

Lance pulls away and stares at his hands. Keith keeps his eyes focused on Lance.

“I know you think you hurt that fangirl from a few months ago.” Keith continues. “Or Pidge. Or Hunk. Or your parents or friend or family or whoever, but you could never hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, right,” Lance shakes his head. “I already did. I hurt everyone.”

“And even if that’s true,” Keith grabs Lance’s hands in his own, “which it’s not, you’re not doing it on purpose. You have a right to your own feelings! And you have a right to speak your mind.”

“And what if that hurts people??” Lance looks up and meets teary eyes to indigo ones. “What if I accidentally hurt my mama or my sisters or brothers, or nieces and nephews because I can’t be who they want me to be, who they think I am!?”

“Lance,” Keith shakes his head.

“What if I hurt you???” Lance’s eyes go wide. He looks Keith up and down and exhales a panicked breath. “God, Keith.. wh-what if I hurt you??”

“Oh, Lancey,” Keith sighs that lovey-dovey sigh where his eyes go all big and black like a cat’s, and the purr in his chest gets louder. “You’ve never hurt me. Ever.”

Lance stares into Keith’s eyes like they’re his lifeline.

“B-but.. but what if-?”

“No more what if’s!” Keith cuts Lance off by covering his mouth with his hand. “Listen to me, Lance. Are you listening??”

Lance nods repeatedly.

“Good,” Keith smiles, all crooked and cute and beautiful. “The only person you ever need to worry about hurting is yourself.”

And there it is. The one thing Lance has been dying to hear without knowing he’d been dying to hear it. It’s like a breath of fresh air, or cool rain on a hot and sweaty day. The permission he needed but didn’t really need. He has a right to care about himself and put himself first but whenever he tries, the guilt eats him alive. Why should he care about himself when he has to care more about others???

No. That’s not the case. It’s never been the case.

“You’ve gotta stop doing this to yourself,” Keith finishes, stroking the endless sea of tears that are falling from Lance’s eyes. He strokes Lance’s glowing Altean marks and leans forward to kiss one softly. Lance trembles slightly, closing his eyes to bask in the moment.

“I’m sure Pidge has gotten over it by now,” Keith reassures. “She just has too much pride to make the first more and apologize. You know how she is.”

“Y-Yeah,” Lance hiccups, nodding.

“And Hunk?” Keith scoffs. “I bet your mailbox is full of letters from him, explaining how sorry he is and hoping you’re doing alright. You know if he can’t reach you from your phone, he has other ways.”

That makes Lance smile.

“There’s probably cookies on the way right now.” He looks into Keith’s eyes, exhaling a small laugh.

“Oh, yeah,” Keith agrees, laughing that angelic laugh and showing off his perfect pearly fangs. Lance’s heart skips a fucking beat.

“And your fangirl?” Keith’s purring stops. “Well, she never should have gotten all up in your space that’s for sure. You had every right to punch her.”

“Keith!” Lance squeaks, face contorting into shock and confusion. “I-I didn’t punch her!”

“Really?” Confusion etches itself all over Keith’s features and he puts a finger to his chin. “I could have sworn I read that in your text.”

“No way, man!” Lance defends, waving his arms around. “Why would I ever in my life-!” He stops mid sentence to see the shit-eating grin plastered on Keith’s face.

“Just kiddin, lil lady,” Keith says in his best southern accent, smiling big and wide.

Lance bursts out into a fit of laughter, hitting Keith’s chest and arms and back. Keith shields himself and laughs, grabbing Lance’s arms and bringing him down onto the mattress. They fall back with Keith looming over Lance, his long raven hair surrounding their faces.

Lance stares up into those beautiful, indigo eyes and sniffs, unable to look away. He reaches up and cups Keith’s face, rubbing his thumb over Keith’s Galran stripe.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Keith asks in his softest voice, eyes roaming from Lance’s teary blue eyes to his luscious lips.

“Yes,” Lance nods, not even bothering to blink because if he does, he’ll miss Keith’s everything.

“Don’t let anyone get you down, my sweetheart.” Keith whispers, leaning in closer. “Ever.”

Lance nods.

“And if they do,” Keith’s face turns serious, indigo eyes going dark. “I’ll bite their throats out and hand them to you on a silver platter.”

“Keith,” Lance exhales, going red in the face and ears. “Holy shit, you can’t just say things l-like that.”

Keith’s hard demeanor falls as he giggles and leans in close. Before they close the gap between their lips, Lance whispers, “And hey. I thought pet names were my thing?”

And Keith kisses him to shut him up.

They kiss like they haven’t seen each other in years and it’s the greatest Lance has ever felt. Keith kisses like he’s starving for it, craving it so much more than air and it’s hot and powerful and so, so damn good.

Lance wraps his arms and legs around Keith’s body and kisses him back with fervor. He allows Keith to make him feel better, and kisses his pain away. Keith pulls away slowly, licking into Lance’s mouth before he does so. Lance lets out a small groan and smiles before he opens his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispers, tucking some hair behind Keith’s ear.

“I love you, more,” Keith whispers back, settling himself between Lance’s legs. “Feeling any better?”

“A little,” Lance looks away, sniffling a little. His eyes focus back to Keith’s and a small smile appears on his kiss swollen lips. “But I know a great way you can make me feel all the way better.”

“Oh, yeah,” Keith smirks, burying his face into Lance neck to start kissing slowly. “And what’s that?”

Lance giggles like a little kid, running his hands up and down Keith’s sides. When Keith pulls back, he trails his kisses up the side of Lance’s face and stops at his Altean mark.

“Make love to me,” Lance whispers, rubbing his nose against Keith’s. “Touch me all over and hold me until the sun comes up and just.. love me. Please..”

Keith’s face softens into something full of love and adoration. He moves forward to peck Lance’s lips, then his chin, and then his other Altean mark.

“Anything you want, my sweet..” he kisses Lance’s cheek. “Beautiful..” he kisses Lance’s jaw. “Amazing.. wonderful..”

“Alright, enough!” Lance laughs, slapping Keith in the back. His cheeks are on fire as he closes his eyes when Keith starts nibbling on his neck with his fangs. A chill runs down Lance’s spine and tingles to his toes, making them curl.

Keith sits up one last time and stares at Lance like he’s the world.

“I’ll take good care of you, baby.” He says with the utmost truth in his sultry voice. “I promise. We’re in this together.”

“Yeah,” Lance nods, letting his tears fall down his face and glowing Altean marks. “Together.”

And as Keith kisses Lance so lovingly, Lance can’t help but be glad that he can’t turn back time to be his younger self. Because with Keith around, he feels all the happiness in the whole world just like he did when he was young.

-END-

(send me a klangst prompt)

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fandom-blackhole · 3 years

Note

Hi, are you still taking AU requests, and if so: can I get a 77 & a 94 with Agent Whiskey?

I am ALWAYS down to take more of the AU/Tropes! In fact, I should really reblog that post again because I'm in a bit of a writing stump...

Also, this gives me a chance to really test out my Agent Whiskey writing skills, and I wrote this as a little intro into the world I have planned out for a Whiskey fic

77. In Vino Veritas (I am ashamed that I had to google this...)

94. Hair Brushing/Braiding

Send me an AU or 2??

October. It was already October, and you were only a few weeks shy of having been with the Statesmen for an entire year. It seemed like yesterday that you were recruited. You could still see the glinting eyes of Champ as he asked you to join his rank of agents. You'd thought he was mad at first, playing along just for curiosities' sake, but one thing lead to another, and for all the coincidences out there you joined the Statesmen and started working on October 31st, Halloween day. Which was a bit laughable if you considered your line of work heavily involving human direction, being a forensic pathologist and all.

A year... you still couldn't really wrap your head around it. But then again, you were still getting used to this job, after all it seemed like the places was was made to keep you on your toes at all times.

"Cherry, darling, you have got to stop staring at you computer like that. Gonna strain those pretty eyes of yours if you keep that up," speaking of keeping you on your toes, you jumped slightly and your eyes jumped from you computer's digital calendar up to meet those of your favorite, and least favorite, fellow agent.

"Whiskey," you sighed out, "Please tell me your here for something more than just to pester me. I do have work to do."

Whiskey only grinned, and pulled out the chair in front of your little desk before sitting down and leaning back into the chair.

"Now, I would never do something like that to you, darling! I just wanted to come check in on you, make sure you're not stressing yourself over your work."

You sigh harder, and run your fingers over your temples, before looking up giving the man across from you, whose eyes were sparkling with playfullness but sincerity, and you couldn't help but shoot a small smile back at him. "I am fine Agent Whiskey, and I appreciate the concern, but I do have quite a bit to do."

"Oh come on, its almost lunch, let me take you somewhere to get something, on me."

He was smirking now, and you were just shaking your head softly. "No, thank you for the offer, but I did pack a lunch, and I plan to eat right here so I can get through the paperwork that has been piling up."

"Please darling?"

You only shook your head again, and sent him a look of, "this is not a fight you're gonna win", and Whiskey sighed before slapping both legs with his hands and standing up, "Well, I guess I won't argue with you this time, but the offer stands whenever you want to take it."

And with that he left you alone in you office as you sigh and relax back into your chair, a soft pang of regret echoing through your chest before you turned back to you computer, this time to actually get work done.

---

He stayed away from your office for a few days. Something that surprised you a bit considering how much he loved to show up and distract you while he wasn't away on a mission. You didn't hate Whiskey, not at all. In fact, you found yourself constantly fighting a loosing battle with how much you were falling for his charms and teasing. He was a good man, and you new that, but it didn't change the fact that he was a serial flirt, and he probably only came to you for how you flustered and reacted to his advances.

When he walked into your office this time, all swagger and shiny white teeth, you had been gathering your things to head down to your lab, nearly running into his chest as you opened your office door.

"Now, Cherry, had I known you were so eager to jump into my arms, I might have come by sooner."

As always, you sighed and felt hear creep onto your face, before taking a step back and clearing your throat, "Agent Whiskey, please, I have to get to my lab, I have work to do."

He just stood there, smirk plastered on his face, before he held his arm out, and said, "Well then, let me have the honor of escorting the pretty lady?"

You just rolled your eyes and shouldered past him. "Agen-"

"Darling, we both know you can just call me Whiskey, you don't have to be all proper with the agent each time."

Shaking your head you started walking down the hall, listening as his booted footsteps followed after you with a slump of your shoulders. "Agent Whiskey, don't you have work you need to be doing, instead of following me down hallways?"

He only chuckled in response, stopping next to you as you stopped in front of your lab's entrance. "Ok ok, i know when I'm unwanted, I just wanted to make sure you knew about the yearly Halloween party, and make sure you're going this year."

You knew about the party. It was one of the few things the Statesmen did together as a way to let loose and hang out with their friends and fellow agents. You'd been invited to come the year before, but considering you went even officially apart of the organization yet, and you knew no one but Champ, you had not gone to the party. And in all honestly, you were planning on doing the same this year. You still felt to new to really enjoy partying with people you barely knew, having only a few people you did actually converse with, and you meant to tell exactly that to Whiskey, but the second you made eye contact you were a goner. He was looking at you with some sense of eager hope, one that made you ache with guilt for even think about telling the man no. Damn those puppy eyes.

"I....I guess I hadn't really thought about it until now. I guess I could show up for a little while."

The grin that spread across Whiskey's face, highlighting his singular dimple in one cheek had you fluttering under his apparent happiness. "Wonderful! I cant wait to see you there, darling. Find me and ill buy you a few rounds of drinks!"

Still grinning he took a step back, before grinning out, "and don't forget to dress up, it is a Halloween party after all."

And with a wink, he turned and left you cursing your inability to withstand his charms as you shakily pulled yourself into your lab.

---

You shouldn't have agreed to this. You felt silly, and standing outside the party venue you found yourself repeatedly pulling on stupid black gloves that went with your "mad scientist" costume. This is ridiculous, you should just turn and leave and just sit on your couch and watch Stephen King movies all night as you eat far to many fun size candies.

But you were already here, you were already wearing this joke of a costume with black smudges painted across your face as proof of a failed experiment, so you just sighed and yanked on the labcoat dress before taking a deep breath and walking into the party.

Your arrival wasn't late, but you certainly weren't early either. The party had already been in the swing of things for a little while as Purple People Eater rang out across the venue. It was obvious that a few of your fellow agents had already been going after the drinks as they partied, and you couldn't help but cringe a bit at the sight of so many people moving about.

You were debating over staying or leaving again when you heard a loud, but very familiar laugh echo from your right. Turning your head, you had to bite your lip to stop from laughing as you seen Whiskey saddle up beside you. You thought he'd been the living embodiment of a cowboy before, but now, there was no doubt about it. Whiskey had really played into the stereotype, doning a pair of chaps with fringe along the sides, a lasso loosely wrapped around the shoulder of his pearl snap button down shirt, a vest matching his chaps fringe and all, and of course his stetson and his usual cowboy boots now paired with spurs for good measure.

"You, darling, really look every part of a beautiful mad scientist, and id love to be put on the mission to take you down," he finished with a wink, and this time you could help the small giggle that escaped you.

"Please, I didn't think you could look anymore like a cowboy, yet here you are looking like you step out of an old western! Where have you parked the horse? Out back?"

Whiskey chuckled, smirk spreading as you teased him, and his eyes lighting up as he leaded down and whispered, "No horse, but you know what they say, save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed, looking around the room before you turned back to Whiskey and saying, "I remember you promising me some drinks?"

Grinning, Whiskey motioned for you to walk first as he followed behind to the closest bar. If you were being honest with yourself, you could feel your hands shaking with nerves. You'd never really teased Whiskey back like that before, and while you had enjoyed it, and could tell he had liked it as well, you couldn't shake the nerves that seemed to be following you, the nerves that always followed you when Whiskey was near.

You downed the first drink Whiskey had gotten you, even as he chuckled in surprise before ordering you a second as he only sipped on his own iced whiskey in his hand. The two of you talked, well Whiskey mainly talked, telling stories about past missions and what heroing things he's done, though some seemed a little far fetched to believe no matter how much he insisted upon them. You laughed, and teased him a few times, and as time ticked on and you finished more and more drinks, you found yourself enjoying the party and happy that you actually came.

Then, as you started swaying a bit back and forth from the amount of alcohol you had consumed, Whiskey leaned forward and said, "I think its time I get you home. I think you've have enough fun for one night, darling."

You wanted to put up a fight, you were having fun and going home meant that your time with Whiskey would end, that all this false confidence you had gotten from your liquid courage would fade and you'd be back to just flustering at his teasing words as he followed you down the halls or sat in your small office, and you didn't want that.....you were having fun...you were having fun with the man you liked... a lot...."

Looking up, Whiskey was staring at you, deep pools of brown swirling as he took in your face, which only confused you, was there something on your face? But then Whiskey smiled softly at you, and said, "Come on, I'll drive you home," and you could only melt at his soft words and expression as he guided you out of the party and towards his vehicle.

The second you were seated, you felt your eyes dropping, the weight of the day paired with the alcohol finally making you sleepy, making you slur your words as Whiskey asked for you address, but you eventually got it out as you leaned against his side.

You fell asleep on the trip to your home, only waking as Whiskey nudged you and helped you walked to your home. He even took your keys, opening the home for you as you stumbled inside, not even bothering with changing clothes as you walked to your bedroom and collapsed onto your bed.

"I know you're tired, darling, but you need to shange into something more comfortable, or at least get these boots off, Cherry."

You just whined and rolled onto your back, lifting your leg trying fruitlessly to yank the boot off, before you heard Whiskey chuckle and walk over to help. Gently, you unzipped and pulled off your boots one at a time, making sure to lay your legs back onto your bed softly. He stood there for a few seconds looking over you, before asking, "Anything else you need?"

It took you a few minutes, but in your intoxicated state, all you could think about was how ratty your hair must look, and how you didn't want to deal with it in the morning, so with puppy eyes and a slight piut on your lip, you asked, "Brush my hair for me?"

Whiskey startled, not expecting that to be your answer, but he smiled and nodded, "Of course."

Gently, he sat you up on the bed, before sitting behind you with the brush in hand. "Tell me if I brush to harshly, ok darling?"

You just nod, and sigh when you feel the first knots coming free from your hair. Whiskey was so gentle when brushing your hair, treating you like you'd break if he applied too much force, and after each brush stroke, he let his fingers slide through the untangled locks of hair, occasionally brushing against skin and making you shiver. By the time hed finished, you'd fallen asleep from the soothing movements.

---

The next morning you woke up to a glass of water and some aspirin on your bedside table with a note from Whiskey that just said, thanks for coming last night and little drawing of a cherry, and no memory past Whiskey mentioning something about an electronic bull from hell the rest of the night and getting home a blur with only a soft voice and white teeth.

While when Whiskey woke, all he could think about was your words you had not meant to say aloud,, right before you both left the party, "you were having fun with the man you liked... a lot...."

Permanent Tags: @mysticalgalaxysalad @phoenixhalliwell @moodsare @perpetual-fangirl900 @night-snows00 @dumbass-simp-for-fredweasley @stargazingthenightaway @meabravo @just-here-for-the-moment @masteracewindu

Pedro Boys: @blackmarketmummy @djarin-junk @littlemisspascal

Also tagging @writeforfandoms because I thought you might like this.....

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#au tropes asks #in vino veritas au #hair brushing/braiding au #agent whiskey x reader #jack daniels x reader #let me know what you think of how I wrote whiskey ....please??#is it 2.30am? yes #should i be asleep or studying? yes #but whiskey seemed more important 🤷‍♀️😌

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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Back, finally, with Word of Honor, Episode 11, which involved a lot of waving my hands around over precious button Zhang Chengling and his concern about whatever ridiculous argument between his Murder Dads left his shifu in a snit and must be solved right this minute. I really think if he could’ve just pushed their heads together like two Ken dolls to make them kiss and make up, he would have. Didi, I could eat you up with a spoon, although not in the creepy way that Du Pusa threatens. I promise.

First, though, due diligence: Spoilers, possibly likely for the entire show, not just this ep, so scroll away and come back later if you are still, at this point in the game, trying to watch the whole 36.5 eps unspoiled. Also, this is hella long. Strap in. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

First thing I actually want to do is point out a couple of scenes that I found particularly striking for various reasons. The first one is not quite the opening scene - which is super-brief and involves Yueyang’s prep for the Heroes Conference, Gao Shan (AKA Chengling’s bully-in-chief) being smug about Yueyang’s upcoming ascendance (oh boy, are you in for a surprise, you little schmuck), and Gao Chong’s extreme weariness at the idea of Yueyang’s upcoming ascendance. Gao Chong is very tired, y’all. It’s been a long 20 years. There’s also a ginormous sword on display, like Yueyang is now having a dick-measuring contest with who they think is the disciple of the Changming Sword Immortal (and oh boy, are you guys in for another surprise. I’m not sure what part of “immortal” y’all don’t understand). But I digress - as I said, this is a very brief scene, and then we cut back to Luo Mansion, where we left Ghost Valley and Lunatic Wen at the end of the last ep. Everyone is gone except for Wen Kexing, who’s still plotting, Beauty Ghost, who’s trying to stay tf out of this current shitshow as much as possible (good luck with that), and Tragicomic Ghost, who is totally and completely Done With This Shit. She berates WKX for acting crazy, he gets snappy back – I feel like their relationship is maybe a little bit fraught at this point – and Beauty Ghost attempts to soothe the waters, leading to an eyeroll from Tragicomic Ghost with a directive to stand the hell up and stop being scared of this idiot child throwing his weight around. WKX dismisses Tragicomic Ghost so he can plan a Very Secret Mission for Beauty Ghost in secret. WKX is … he is super-tired at this point. Painfully, achingly tired. I would almost say weary. We can see it in Gong Jun’s face. It’s a nice subtle bit of acting, and it definitely says something about WKX’s relationship with these women that he’s willing and able to show it in front of them, even as he’s still throwing his weight around.

Anyway, Liu Qianqiao proves her smarts by showing her hand just enough for WKX and us to see that she’s seen through the Lunatic Wen act to the utility of chokin’ out a dude as a warning, to try keeping Changing Ghost in line (good luck with that), but she also assures all of us that she only wants to serve the Ghost Valley Master and has no agenda of her own. WKX assures her that he has everything under control (Uh … huh. OK, my dude) and tells her he has a task for her, before detouring into a quiz about her disguise technique (learned from Qin Huaizhang, Zhou Zishu’s shifu at Siji Manor, and this is probably a tipoff that the Very Secret Mission will involve disguising herself), about Siji Manor, and about why she never visited there. We get some interesting vague hints about her past, including the fact that she met Qin Huaizhang when she was “little” and he took pity on her “disfigurement,” according to both the Youku and Netflix English subs. @coralcoloratura pulled out 童年时 (tóngnián shí) from the Chinese subs for me, which does mean “childhood.” Given that the going story is Yu Qiufeng’s wife threw acid in LQQ’s face over their affair, this opens up some questions about how old LQQ actually was when all that happened. Viki subs, per @janedrewfinally, add that she says she treated Qin Huaizhang to a meal, so she couldn’t have been too young. But Qin Huaizhang dies when ZZS is just 16, and LQQ can’t be any older than ZZS, and is likely younger (good lord, I just checked actor ages, and Ke Naiyu is 7 years younger than ZZH, so that’s probably not a good age gap to port over to the show, because just. No.). All this leads me to place LQQ at somewhere between Zhang Chengling’s age and Gu Xiang’s age (at most) when this whole tragic backstory happened, which is still pretty freakin’ young, and I can see why she would consider herself a child, at least metaphorically, in terms of naïvete, if not literally. I don’t know how much exploration has been done about this, on the fannish side of things, but it seems like an area rich for exploration. Also, I CANNOT TELL YOU how much I now want to read the AU of WKX and LQQ both actually being brought to Siji Manor at various times by Qin Huaizhang and staying there. I suspect that with those two shidi backing him, ZZS might never have had to go to Prince Jin in the first place. (Clearly this makes some things problematic, including A-Xiang, but I keep thinking about ZZS, WKX and LQQ growing up together … And anyway, I’m ALSO willing to read the AU(s) where WKX’s storyline stays the same, but LQQ does come to Siji Manor – both the AU where she and ZZS together manage to save the sect, and the AU where she goes with them to Jin, and the kind of weapon she could be for ZZS there, as he runs Tian Chuang. Who’s writing all this? Anyone? Anyone?) Anyway, when WKX asks why she didn’t visit Siji Manor, LQQ tells WKX that she’s a ghost now and doesn’t want to think about the living world anymore, which is probably a way of saying she wishes she had gone there and doesn’t want to talk about her many and varied bad decisions back in the day; it also acts as an unknowing reinforcement of that bright line WKX is desperately trying to maintain for himself between the world of ghosts and the world of humans. Plus it gives him the chance to speak the very portentous line that “Yes, we’re ghosts, and ghosts disappear in the light,” pulling the theme of light back in, again and giving us all kinds of foreshadowing. Cut away as he leans in to whisper her mission to her.

The other really striking scene, for me, happens near the end of the ep, when Gao Chong visits the shrine room, with the memorial tablets of his various brothers and friends. This hit me not just because of Hei Zi’s acting (which is great, don’t get me wrong) but also because this is a scene that reflects both backward and forward in the show - back to ZZS in Ep 1 and forward to the two scenes that Zhao Jing will have in this same room – as well as giving us all sorts of subtle clues about relationships throughout the show. So first of all, we see, in a shot that will mean more the deeper we get into the show, tablets for Zhen Ruyu and Gu Miaomiao (or, “his wife,” as the Youku subs call her, and this is me, rolling my eyes), who were apparently close enough to Gao Chong that he keeps memorial tablets for them on his home altar - which helps explain why WKX is so incensed that none of these Five Lakes Alliance assholes helped his parents when they were turned out of the Healer’s Valley, although that’s not something we would have known yet on a first watch through the show. Gao Chong lights some incense and apologizes to the tablet of Zhang Yusen for letting Zhang Chengling get kidnapped. He talks about waiting 20 years to learn the truth – which is kind of cryptic, but probably means the truth about who poisoned his sword before the spar with Rong Xuan, which we hear about in a later scene this ep – and gets a little bit salty about the fact that it doesn’t matter if everyone else doesn’t believe him, but why didn’t Zhang Yusen believe him? Again, I’m assuming this is about Gao Chong’s protestations that he’s not the one who put poison on his sword. We also learn in this same ep – from Chengling – that Zhang Yusen’s break with the Five Lakes Alliance seems to have at least started that far back, and that Yusen would have been at Mount Qingya to stand with Rong Xuan against his other Alliance brothers, if Yusen’s shifu hadn’t broken his legs so that he couldn’t travel there. (Yusen clearly had some strong feelings about this, if that’s what it took to get him to sit still for it. Also, it makes me wonder how Ye Baiyi’s feelings about Chengling might change if he ever learned that Chengling’s father intended to defend and stand with a guy who Ye Baiyi considered his own child, as well as his disciple.)

Gao Chong then proceeds to have a little crisis of faith – he’s very tired, y’all, it’s been a long 20 years – and talks about how no one understands him, and he’s old, and everyone’s dead. He also yells at Rong Xuan’s tablet, calling Rong Xuan da-ge but also saying he’s sorry he ever met him, but then there’s this brief little moment after, when he seems a little bit shocked at himself for saying it out loud, which reminds me, honestly, of the moment in CQL (we’ve all seen The Untamed, right, I don’t have to put spoiler warnings for it, right?) when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are in the Yunmeng Jiang memorial hall and Wei Wuxian talks about Yu Ziyuan’s punishments back in the day, then pats his own mouth and says “My fault, my fault, my fault” before bowing to her tablet. Like, yes, their relationship was multiple levels of fucked-up, and his reaction is not out of place given some of his continuing neuroses, but also, this is just not a thing you do, speaking ill of the dead to their faces. I’m sure Gao Chong does regret ever meeting Rong Xuan, and the way that led to the building of the Armory and the Five Lakes Alliance to guard it, and the position that ultimately put Gao Chong in - not to mention that if he never met Rong Xuan he never would have accidentally killed him. But you can’t say things like that OUT LOUD to the MEMORIAL TABLET. Then contrast this to Zhao Jing, who literally takes a piss on the tablet in one of the later episodes. Because he’s the worst. And THEN, Gao Chong kneels and talks to the tablets of Zhang Yusen and Lu Taichong, his dead Five Lakes Alliance brothers, saying they must have met again in the netherworld, and that they’re probably swearing about him right now, and this is the point when I sit straight up and exclaim, out loud, “Fuck. Me. This is Zhou Zishu’s breakdown at the mirror in Episode 1.” When he talks to Jiuxiao about how Jiuxiao and Jing’An must have met again in the afterlife by now and are probably discussing what an awful shixiong ZZS is, right? And then Gao Chong even laughs bitterly like ZZS, and cries like ZZS, and I just. OK. FINE, show. I’ll try to go a little easier on Gao Chong, because you’re clearly linking him to ZZS, here, and I’m willing to forgive ZZS for anything. I suppose I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t try to extend just a little bit of the same grace to Gao Chong.

So, that’s a lot of verbiage, and I haven’t even gotten to Wenzhou yet, but trust me, I have some things to say about them. While WKX has been terrorizing the troops, ZZS left Han Ying’s place and immediately started drinking again, because that continues to be the best way – in combo with his Nails – he knows to kill himself by increments, but so sad, he’s run out of wine as he wanders the marketplace, alone and zhiji-less. Inside Yueyang, Chengling finds a note purporting to be from “Xu,” instructing him to meet at the North Gate that night, and like the little idiot they keep calling him (he really is too pure for this world), he takes it at face value. On his way that night, he runs into Gao Shan, who inadvertently almost saves him by interrupting his sneaking around to try to bully him back to his room. Something something food as bonding, because the lie Zhang Chengling comes up with is that he’s hungry (he’s not eating Yueyang’s food, and it’s not nourishing him), and he’s on his way to find something to eat (because he and his Murder Dads are in a mutually nourishing relationship, and that’s who he wants to be with). Also, no, he would prefer going to find something to eat for himself and not eating whatever Gao Shan will bring back to Chengling’s room. (A little bit, I’m sad there’s never any place to fit in some canon-complicit long-form enemies to failboats to lovers fic for these two. I have to admit, I would read it. Someone should do something with the tension between them, although I don’t really want it to be anything that will make Best Boy permanently sad.) Anyway, A-Xiang shows up just as Gao Shan is about to frog-march Chengling back to his room, and Gao Shan never sees her coming before he’s knocked out on the ground. A-Xiang is confused about the note but nevertheless helps Chengling get to where he’s supposed to meet “Xu,” whereupon she gets beat up and gets her didi took by the Scorpions. (There’s an interesting moment here where Pretty Arhat is fighting with A-Xiang and asks what her relationship is to Beauty Ghost, which whaaaaaat? THERE’S some backstory I need more on. I’m assuming this is based on A-Xiang’s hand-to-hand fighting style, which I think is the only thing Pretty Arhat has seen at this point, and exactly WHEN has she gotten so familiar with Beauty Ghost’s fighting style? Also, I like the apparent nod to Beauty Ghost’s influence in raising A-Xiang (and we’ll see more of this).) Meanwhile, ZZS has been inexorably drawn to the place he left his child disciple child and is moping right outside of Yueyang, so he sees Pretty Arhat fly away with Chengling. Murder Dad 1 springs into action.

Yueyang disciples run around like ants whose hill has been kicked over, looking for Chengling in town, and two of them encounter Wen Kexing, out for a midnight stroll in a fetching pastel blue and green combo. They ask him about seeing a guy. With a pipa. Or maybe without a pipa. So maybe just a guy. Wen Kexing correctly deduces they’re asking about Phantom Musician Qin Song, who covered Pretty Arhat’s getaway by incapacitating everyone with his magic music. YY disciples are excited and tell WKX yes, this dude was involved in kidnapping Zhang Chengling! Y’all. WKX’s face when he hears that. He is not happy. Almost immediately, he spots Qin Song on a rooftop. Murder Dad 2 springs into action.

So, WKX the Ghost Valley Master finds Qin Song, asks him where Chengling is, crushes his playing hand, threatens to break every single bone in his body one at a time (meanwhile dropping the tidbit that he learned the number of bones in the human body from his dad), and tells him a little story about a time when – apparently – he asked another guy the same question (about WHO? has A-Xiang been kidnapped in the past, because that’s about the only other person I can imagine him being like this about?) and only had to break 80 bones before he got an answer. Meanwhile, ZZS actually finds Chengling, in the Scorpion lair where Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat have variously been molesting him (srsly, I feel like I should probably say something to a trusted adult Murder Dad), torturing him with unpleasant magic pixie dust, smacking him around (he loses a tooth, y’all), and waterboarding him. During all this, Pretty Arhat says she’s yet to meet a man who can stand up to waterboarding, and I’m kind of reminded of WKX’s scene threatening Qin Song, and I don’t know if that’s on purpose or not. Chengling literally spits in her face and proclaims that he’s the son of Zhang Yusen, none of whose sons are cowards, and about then, ZZS busts down the door like he’s WKX (by throwing Monster Jiang through it), tells the Scorpions he’s their daddy, and gets into a big fucking fight with all three of them. He flags a little bit somewhere in here as he starts having some Nail pangs (which, yeah, it must be getting about midnight, which is when that’s supposed to happen) and spits some blood, but he reassures Chengling and then tells the Scorpions no one can stop him from killing who he wants and getting what he wants (OK, Wei Wuxian …). Then he shoots some projectiles from some little contraption up his sleeve that we get a quick look at that I did not remember AT ALL from my first watch of the show but is literally like the gun hanging over the mantel in the first act. Huh. Anyway, he kills Monster Jiang, and Du Pusa (who didn’t give a shit about Monster Jiang OR Qin Song earlier), wants to capture him alive, supposedly so she can get revenge for them by teaching him how it feels “to want to die more than live.” Joke’s on you, lady – too late! That’s literally his constant state of being!

About this time, Qin Song comes flying through the doors – or what’s left of them – gasping his last breath as WKX makes his dramatic entrance. Chengling not only calls him “Wen-shu” but also has already figured out exactly how to manipulate Murder Dad 2 and tells him that in addition to kidnapping him, they also hurt ZZS. WKX is predictably murderous, and Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat run away and hide behind the skirts of Xie Wang’s robes as the Zombie Drug Man Army approaches. WKX tells ZZS to take Chengling and leave, ZZS refuses, and Xie Wang LITERALLY SAYS “IN LIFE AND DEATH YOU WILL NEVER PART. WHAT A TOUCHING MOMENT.” and I am DYING. Also, this will not be the last time ZZS/WKX will exhibit what Xie’er wants from his Awful Yifu. Anyway, Xie’er calls ZZS “Leader Zhou,” then tells WKX that he’ll tell them who he (Xie Wang) is if WKX tells them all who he is first. ZZS is Very Done with all of this and smoke bombs the Scorpions to escape. Xie’er shows he actually does know who both of them are – even though each of them doesn’t know everything about the other’s identity yet, and won’t for a while – by telling Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat that they’re the leader of Tian Chuang and the leader of the Ghost Valley and wondering “How did these two devils end up together?” Like calls to like, I guess.

OK, this is getting super-long, so I’m going to attempt to wrap up with the actual Wenzhou material. We cut to Murder Dads and Chengling sitting in the forest, around a campfire, and Chengling is in heaven, back with his family. He’s super-emotional, and ZZS is all, come on, be a man, don’t cry (OK, crybaby). WKX gives some campfire-cooked rabbit? maybe? to ZZS, who starts a precedent by passing it to Chengling. Please, A-Xu. WKX wants to feed his laopo, will you eat something, ffs? Chengling, still emotional, tells them that he knows they’re the only ones who are sincerely kind to him, that Five Lakes Alliance has all kinds of agendas and none of them care about him, and nobody has asked him what he wants. (I know, bb, they were awful.) ZZS asks what he wants, and Chengling says he wants to learn martial arts, to get revenge, and to not be a useless child anymore. Oh god, the cut to WKX here. His face, y’all. He is not cool with the fact that Chengling thinks he can’t be a child anymore, and probably with whatever role he (WKX) had in it. He is so sad. It’s killing me. However, it’s not as if WKX has lost his edge, and he also pounces, asking Chengling if something happened that made him suspicious of the Alliance. Chengling spills that his dad already didn’t trust them and also told him not to trust anyone ever, but he trusts his Murder Dads! This kid, I tell you. He tells them that his dad hid the Mirror Lake Glazed Armor in his stomach and starts getting ready to cut it out for them before ZZS stops him. He tells them Yusen gave him a letter for the Changming Sword Immortal detailing Rong Xuan’s injury (and we get our first iteration of the story of the battle between the Five Lakes Alliance brothers and Rong Xuan, the poison on the sword, and how that turned Rong Xuan evil). Per Chengling, the original argument was about the Combined Six Cultivation Method. Also per Chengling, the Alliance bothers should have been responsible for Rong Xuan after that, but no one stood up for him – I mean, Zhang Yusen would have, but his legs were broken. We learn that the poisoned sword that injured Rong Xuan belonged to Gao Chong. ZZS looks taken aback, but this all just CONFIRMS WKX’s SUSPICIONS.

Cut away for another scene. Cut back. ZZS has suddenly remembered that he’s pissed off and that someone (else, not him) is sleeping on the couch tonight. Earlier, they were sat in order of Chengling, ZZS, WKX. Now Chengling has been put between them. WKX asks for wine, A-Xu is being passive-aggressive and ignoring him before finally handing the wine gourd to Chengling to pass to WKX. He won’t even look at WKX. It is hilarious, particularly as he only remembered he was mad after they’d all eaten dinner, which WKX cooked, and the pair of them made sure their child was OK. Chengling wants to know if they fought and tells them there’s nothing confidants can’t resolve. He’s in full puppy mode. He tells WKX to hurry up and comfort ZZS, because you know he looks tough on the surface but he’s got the softest heart! Didn’t you teach me that tough women can’t resist clingy men? ZZS’s indignant little face at this is a picture. Chengling offers to apologize for WKX. WKX’s face is all fondness for Chengling, except for the eyebrows, which are doing the Tragic Sadness Eyebrows at ZZS. ZZS is all, OK, fine, although he immediately changes the subject and starts talking about the kidnapping attempt. He tells Chengling that the world is dangerous right now, and the safest place for him is Yueyang Sect. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? Chengling sadly nods. My little dude, c’mon. ZZS’s Nails are bothering him and WKX takes the chance to feed him qi, which ZZS accepts – might I note - without complaint. WKX waxes rhapsodic about A-Xu’s shoulder blades, and says he once saw a dead body with beautiful shoulder blades. Smashcut to a flashback of two people who we don’t yet know are Zhen Ruyu and Gu Miaomiao dead on the ground. Although this takes place immediately after the scene of Gao Chong at the altar, when the first tablets we see are Zhen Ruyu’s and Gu Maiomiao’s, we also don’t know yet to connect those names to these bodies. Tricksy, show. We see Zhen Yan place his hand on Gu Miaomiao’s back, and WKX’s voiceover talks about how he could tell she was a beauty despite the blood everywhere. ZZS interrupts this morbid tale to say they should let the past stay in the past, and then tells WKX, “My condolences,” even though WKX hasn’t actually mentioned anywhere in the story about this dead body that it was even anyone he knew, let alone someone he was related to. Because A-Xu isn’t stupid. Immediately after this - after saying they should leave the past in the past - ZZS asks WKX who he is. WKX goes into his Philanthropist Wen evasion spiel. ZZS shakes his head, visibly steels himself, and apparently comes to the decision to model the behavior he’s trying to encourage by coming clean about his real name, his relationship to Siji Manor, all of his bad decisions, his choking guilt over the deaths of all the Siji Manor disciples, and his reign of state-sanctioned terror as founder and leader of Tian Chuang. Notably, the very first word Chengling speaks to ZZS after hearing this rundown of supposed and actual crimes is to call him “Shifu” again to get his attention before asking for more info about the Scorpions. THIS CHILD. MY HEART.

ZZS tells them both, “I spent half my life alone, doing things I didn’t want to do and killing people I didn’t want to kill,” and I literally want to reach into the screen and shake WKX, because OMG LAO WEN. You are reflections of each other, and he’s baring his soul, and you’re going to continue to be so afraid that he’s not going to accept every part of you that it’s going to be episodes and episodes before you open up, and even then, only after he figures it out on his own. :hands: To make things even more OBVIOUS, ZZS then asks Chengling if he still wants ZZS to be his shifu after learning all of this, and Chengling doesn’t even hesitate, he says “Of course,” and ZZS and I are both about to cry. UGH. Zhang Zhehan, your face. It’s killing me. This is a man seeing the hope of resurrection for the sect he was convinced he had ground into dust. ZZS and Chengling are both so busy being emotional at each other that WKX has to take matters into his own hands, encouraging Chengling to bow, and we get a real bow to shifu this time, in a scene that once again mirrors the later scene when Zhen Yan makes his bow to Qin Huaizhang to become a Siji Manor disciple.

ZZS tells Chengling, all right, then. You are the first disciple of the sixth generation. (SHIXIONG. NO PRESSURE.)

End ep.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #beauty ghost #liu qianqiao #gao chong #gao shan #du pusa #pretty arhat #qin song #gu xiang #xie wang #tragicomic ghost #luo fumeng #qin huaizhang #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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volfoss · 3 years

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how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny

#asks #wholesome mutuals #vento aureo spoilers #to add that bruno is one of my faves of all time is probably obvious by me putting him at 10/10 #fiance bullies me lovingly for liking leone so that is explanation 4 first bullet #he has not even met him but just calls him piss man #the fandoms treatment of most of these characters makes me really mad tbh

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triviareads · 3 years

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I know nobody wants to hear about Penelope anymore but I want to get my two cents in. I never really cared much for her so I‘m not like one of her Stans or whatever, I feel like she should’ve faced more consequences for the whole Whistledown-thing. But about what she did in the show: It was bad like real bad and definitly could‘ve been solved differently but like Marina did not have the moral highground here. I get that she was pregnant and desperate because of her reputation. It was life and death but Marina could‘ve married some old dude who wouldn‘t care about the baby. Instead she uses Colin. Colin did not deserve to be deceived like that. He was nothing but nice to her and she used that against him. That was an awful thing to do. But I‘ll give her one thing it was understandable. Who wouldn‘t rather have the sweet young man instead of some old creep?

And here is where I come to Penelope. One thing I will say in her favor is that I understand why she didn‘t want Marina and Colin to marry. Not just because she is in love with him but also because she likes the Bridgertons. Eloise is her friend fo heaven‘s sake so I didn‘t find it too bad that she didn‘t want them to marry. She also did try to tell Colin that Marina was in love with someone else, to protect Marina from ruin and well stop them from marrying. Didn‘t work. And here comes where my opinion kinda differs from yours. I watched the show before I read the books but to me it seemed like Penelope did what she did not because of Colin but because of what Marina said to her. I honestly believe if that hadn‘t happened Penelope would‘ve kept quiet. I see a lot of people saying what Marina told her was the truth and yes it probably was but the way she said it well…. It was not nice. Penelope had up to that point been Marinas only friend and ally. I believe she felt betrayed by being dimissed like that. And that‘s what Marina did she dismissed Penelope and not even in a nice way. She basically didn‘t care for what Penelope had to say. I‘m not saying she had to say yes I won‘t marry him but like a litte more explanation and empathy and that she is sorry something like that would’ve been nice. I understood why Penelope was mad at her after that.

What Penelope did was awful. It was mean, petty and vindictive and she could‘ve done it in another way. She could‘ve gone straight to Colin/Violet/Anthony and tell them in private. But she didn‘t. Instead she printed it out for all to see. And the one thing that really stuck with me is that they way she did it was so stupid it couldn‘t have been like a real plan where she was like I want to destroy her but like something you didn‘t wholly think through. Because in the process of ruining Marina she ruins her entire family (herself included!). Everyone could‘ve known that would happen yet she did it anyway. The only reason why the Featheringtons surrived this is because of Daphne and the death of Mr. Featherington (since everyone feels bad now). Two things Penelope could‘ve not predicted at that point of time. I believe it was a splitsecond decision and here is were I kinda get it. Sometimes you make a really stupid mistake that hurt a lot of people and you can‘t take it back but it all comes to how you act after what happened. In my eyes Penelope can still be redeemed if they show that she truly regrets it and tries to make amends.

We have not seen much regret from her in season 1 but to be fair we are not supposed to know she is Whisteldown at that point so I can imagine that we might see something next season. If they go the same route as they did in the books where everyone pretends it‘s not a big deal than she is every bit as awful as you say she is. I for one am really curious for what is to come there. I honestly think they might can make her interesting because in the books she was just not.

And sidenote: No matter if they make Penelope take responsibility or not there is NO WAY the will keep the Marina Plotline, at least not the way it went down. If they come this far they will make Marina die from an illness or an accident. Phillips and her marriage will not be a loving one but one with friendship (because this is a romance show and you can only have one true love here). Even if they redeem Penelope I feel like more or less driving someone into suicide is a lot, especially if she is a good person again. Because no decent person I know could ever forgive themselves for that no matter how much they tried to make amends and regret what happened.

Thank you for taking the time to write all that out! I think your opinions differ a bit from mine, but I won't get too into it, mostly because I've posted my views on the subject in great detail in the past. Also, people ("stans") seem to love policing what I have to say on Penelope, and it's quite frankly getting exhausting, and a bit vulgar.

I guess the big question is, where do we go from here? There are certain givens in this series that we know, namely, that Penelope will end up with Colin. I think if the writers want people like me to root for Penelope once more, and like her as a person, they'll have to give Penelope some grand realization that she's fucking with people's lives as Whistledown, and then try to atone for her mistakes. Her work as Lady Whistledown is only a girlboss-esque triumph as long as the readers/viewers are convinced the people she writes about are horrible and deserved every rumor she spreads about them to her enormous audience- which they aren't, and therefore don't. Daphne is her target at some point, so is Colin indirectly, and of course Marina. So Penelope will need to understand that, in my opinion.

I would like her to beg Marina for her forgiveness, and whether Marina gives it or not will be entirely up to her and based on however decent (or not so decent, like book!Marina's circumstances when she struggles with depression) her circumstances are at that point in the story. I would also like Marina to not die to advance another white woman's love story.

#bridgerton #penelope featherington #marina thompson #ask

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northernscruffycat · 3 years

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Tagged by @101flavoursofweird

I’ll tag @pandirpus @krokonoko @my-artblog-is-ssjumi @yallemagne @amberrgalaxy @swamp-y and anyone else who wants to do this. But this is a pretty long one, so don’t feel like you have to :3 (On that note, I’ll be putting most of this under a cut for exactly that reason)

How many works do you have on AO3?

131 at the moment. But some of those are different oneshots from FFN that I posted into one fic when porting over to AO3, so I’d be fascinated by what the actual amount of fanfics I’ve written is.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1242922 words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just counting what’s on AO3, so far I’ve written for 17 fandoms. They are: Free!, Professor Layton, Hades Game, Steven Universe, Pokemon, Ace Attorney, Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Yu-Gi-Oh 5d’s, Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Mario, Dr. Stone, Tintin, Night in the Woods, GetBackers, Good Omens and Cooking Mama What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

‘just wanted to write a fic where senku says ‘get excited’ during sex’ (My SenGen oneshot that gets a wave of attention whenever a new chapter or episode of Dr. Stone comes out)

‘laughable’ (An Ares/Hypnos oneshot I wrote purely as a sample for a zine app and underestimated how popular that ship is lol)

‘the prince with specific tastes; the king with specific regrets’ (THAT Theseus fic. My absolute fave thing I’ve ever written)

‘Shallow Grave, Shallow Bae’ (A Reigisa fic based on Octopimp’s 50% Off! abridged series of Free!; I honestly do think this fic slaps and I’m glad folks like it)

‘Barrel of Monkeys’ (The AsaIku & KisuHiyo collab fic I wrote with Amber that was a lotta fun and I’d love to do something like this with them again one day for a different fandom. Also, I feel like we captained the small KisuHiyo fandom with this fic back in the day)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I generally respond to comments. Almost always, unless I really can’t think of anything to say in reply, which is pretty rare. Comments make me so happy and I just want to let people who do comment know that I appreciate them.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think the angstiest fic I wrote was a Free! fic called ‘Moves Across the Land’ - the premise of which is that Makoto died as a young adult of an illness and each chapter is a different person in his life receiving a letter that he wrote for them before he died. But that one had an optimistic ending, with Haru and Kisumi unexpectedly finding a newly strengthened friendship in sharing the grief of Makoto’s death. So I guess technically the angstiest ending I wrote was a short Archie/Maxie oneshot where Maxie gets killed by Kyogre lol

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, but I ended up agreeing with it! Waaay back (probably more that 10 years ago at this point), I wrote a bunch of Layton/Rosetta oneshots that I now don’t stand by. One of them, in my naivety, I went too far with and breached uncomfortable territory. I got a couple of comments about how uncomfortable it was, so I ended up deleting that particular fic and felt better after it was gone.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I am a fledgling at writing smut, which is probably obvious to anyone who’s read my smut haha. When I do write it, I prefer to focus on the dialogue between the characters - I like a banterous smut scene. Also, they’re usually pretty tame. I like writing about handjobs, blowjobs and wanking the most when I do write smut.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I know of, but that would be awesome! A few years ago, a kind person messaged me about potentially translating my Layton fic ‘Grasping Liquid’ into French, but I don’t think they went through with it in the end. Though honestly, the dialogue and slang in that fic is pretty much illegible in English, so I reckon it’d be a tough fic to translate.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, the aforementioned ‘Barrel of Monkeys’ that I co-wrote with @amberrgalaxy It was a lot of fun and I love it :D

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hmm... I don’t think I have a single all time favourite. I jump through a lot of OTPs and they always mean a lot to me, but it wouldn’t seem fair to pick out a single one that’s always shined brighter than the others, because that’s not really how my hyperfixations work. But my current favourite ships are Momus/Heracles (to be narcissistic) and TheseZag from Hades Game. While my oldest ship that I’m still invested in is Yami/Seto from Yu-Gi-Oh DM.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Shockingly, I don’t have any right now. A few years ago (I think 2018?), I made a point of going back and finishing ALL my old WIPs that I’d left hanging but intended to finish, even for fandoms I didn’t plan on going back to. So that freed my conscience of them and felt pretty good. At the moment, my only WIP is ‘if found please return to the underworld’ - an AU where Zagreus does make it to Olympus, so Hades sends Theseus, Asterius and Meg to try to get him back. But I’ve only just started writing that one, so I do hope to stick with it until it’s finished.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. Definitely dialogue. I’m told that I capture the canon voices of characters pretty well and that’s always what I’m trying the hardest to get right, so it means a lot to me. I also feel like I’m good at keeping a fic flowing, without being bogged down by too much detail. But the downside of that is that I often sacrifice description, so I still hope to find the balance. Since Hades Game has more flowery prose than I’m used to, I think getting into that series actually helped me with this.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do not think I am experienced enough to be able to pull this off well and would worry too much about making mistakes.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

It was Pokemon, but those fics aren’t online anymore. The oldest fics you can still find buried somewhere with my name attached to them are Sonic fics.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

‘the prince with specific tastes; the king with specific regrets’ - Sometimes I look back at that fic and wonder if I actually wrote it, since I avoided falling into all of my usual traps: I researched it properly and frequently, I kept the focus on the five main characters instead of getting distracted by introducing a million other character like I usually do, I plotted the fucker out from start to finish instead of winging it, and I worked the flashbacks into it in a way that balanced the present-day out instead of distracting from it. Also, I got the whole thing written in about two months, instead of staling for years. ...Whatever possessed me when I wrote that fic, please come back. (It was the first time I’d had two weeks off together in about three years, so I think that had a lot to do with it) OH YEAH and that same kinda villain OC who I recycle in every fandom I’m in actually landed this time. It brought me so much joy to see how much people loved to hate Momus. Those two months when I was posting that fic are easily a highlight of my life. :D

#*Talking #*About Me #*Writing #*Hades Game #*Dr. Stone #*Free Iwatobi Swim Club #*Professor Layton

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hyunsonsae · 3 years

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Jackson Storm Headcanons (part 2)

part 2 of jackson headcanons + quarantine edition

At the start of the whole pandemic, he didn’t believe in the whole "there is a highly contagious disease going around" because he didn’t trust the internet at all

So when the airborne illness really starts making its mark, you can just imagine Jackson’s reaction

Unfortunately, races have been cancelled and practice rounds have been limited until further notice so this leaves Jackson open to anything that might entertain him, anything

While in quarantine, he does his best to distract himself, learning new things about his home he didn’t know before

Cue very dangerous stunts and questionable decisions revolving around his penthouse

His addiction to his phone increased by tenfold, if it already wasn’t high enough

When he read the tweets and posts about wanting to ditch online classes, he takes it upon himself to raid zoom meetings

It ends with a very firm reprimand from Gale when the teachers catch on and he gets his console confiscated for a week

Jackson swears, upon the fourth day into his unjust robbery that had him slowly spiralling into insanity, to never ever mess with anything that might set Gale off

But he isn't sorry for interrupting online classes

Fashion sense out of the window

Sporting Broke College Student™ aesthetic unintentionally because he honestly doesn’t care anymore

I mean, who was he gonna look good for, covid?

A surprise came one day when his phone rings and Jackson picks up to see an unknown caller

He’s skeptical at first, this was his personal number, for close friends and acquaintances, but still answers the call

He stops mid-way, recognizing the voice immediately as his mother

He's slowly getting back in touch with his parents after that call and taking the liberty to call them every day, especially his mom

Reconnecting is...awkward and a little hard, to say the least

No, scratch that, it was a lot hard

Jackson would rather lick a toilet seat than to admit that they had drifted apart so much that he feels like he is talking to strangers

But things are slowly getting back to normal, and Jackson is...okay with the new developments

He is okay with the words like “dad” and “mom” coming out of his mouth occasionally, softly

After this whole situation, he thinks that it is time for his character development

AKA his Redemption Arc™

After the crap he pulled during the Piston Cup, he was adamant on never speaking to Mc-gloriously-treacherous-Queen and Cruz ever again

Believe him, he feels indignation, guilt and regret whenever he thinks back to the Piston Cup

So, he rather not contact them at all and they probably wouldn’t want to do anything with him anyway

Well, that was the gist till the pandemic

Holy God- he was so bored, he was this close to calling McQueen over for dinner or something

The years they had been each others nemesis had made them close, albeit little mean jabs here and there

Can you just imagine him calling Lightning over just so they could play Smash Bros together I-

Jackson also takes the liberty to bring groceries to his elderly neighbours since he takes drive around the city

He is even surprised with himself when he blurts out to an old woman who is equally shocked by a rebellious, almost teenager looking adult asking if she wants a lift to the shop

‘Odd Sense of Accomplishment’ Achievement Unlocked!

Speaking of groceries, the chronicles of Jackson trying to make himself some home food is ridiculous and honestly, a little pitiful (don’t tell him I said that)

When he set his pasta fire for the 3rd time, he decides then and there sitting on his kitchen floor with a burnt pan that he could live off on ramen for the rest of his life.

He did it before and he could definitely do it again

But of course, Gale, in her ever eternal wisdom and as a self-appointed guardian of Jackson’s well-being, takes the initiative to teach him a few stuff about housekeeping

Now he cooks, by some miracle

In an attempt to stir himself away from the impending doom of boredom, he discovers *drum roll please* Tik Tok

It’s an oh no from the start

And Tik Tok decides that his fyp should be filled with thirsttok-

It’s safe to say that he has discovered very interesting things that he shall not speak of and he quickly deleted the app before he is pulled to the rabbit hole

I don’t think he recovered from that experience yet

Okay, moving on before we are eventually yanked into the deep dark abyss of the unformidable force of the-

To quench some of his boredom, and Jackson is very cautious on the things he try cuz the last one was just AAA-

Jackson subscribes to Netflix and finds himself stumbling upon a show called ‘Avatar’ and something airbender

Since Jackson was into anime when he was a child, he decides to give this show a go. You know, it actually might be fun-

He finishes it in two days

...

Where to even begin-

Jackson doesn’t remember the last time he displayed such a range of emotions in such a small amount of time

He went in with a non-existent expectation and ended with tears and snot

He contemplates whether or not he wants to share this revelation with Cruz, I mean, it would simply be a waste to not enjoy this show with others but who would even want to watch it with him-

He ends up watching it with Cruz, later joined by McQueen

The poor child is vibrating with excitement as they finish Avatar

The second wave of tears during the episode of The Tales of Ba Sing Se

He tries so hard to control the tears but it bursts out like a dam when Uncle Iroh started singing on the hill

Cruz and McQueen were both surprised and a little sympathetic when he says for the 9th time he isn't crying as he furiously glares at the screen with sunglasses even if there are evidently tear stains on the said glasses

He just loves Avatar so much

Cruz is very generous to point out the fact that Jackson reminds her of Zuko

Which infamously leads him to be named “Angry Fireman”

Most days are spent with Jackson in his balcony, mellow music in the background as he looks out from his terrace, lying on his floor and contemplating about life while watching the city flourish, as much as the quarantine allows it

He does a lot of soul-searching

And he makes a lot of self-discovery

Things are a little sad and confusing at the beginning but it is getting better

And he will continue to work on himself and vibe alone for a while.

Oh, by the way-

Are we ready for the conversation that Jackson is very much subscribed to he/they pronouns?

#cars #cars fandom #cars headcanon #cars 3 #jackson storm #headcanon #sad boi vibes #but he is definitely making improvements #nON-BINARY JACKSON #you cant convince me otherwise

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sweetiejunie · 4 years

Text

Fantasy

Summary: You’re the not-so-typical girl next door

Genre: Slight fluff, smut «60-70% is just smut»

Beomgyu x reader

—.*•—

A/n: this was the smut i was hesistant about posting. I thought about it for a couple weeks and decided to just post it •_•

[Note: If ure only int in the ‘smut’ part, it roughly starts at the —.✿ฺ— till the end]

=====================================

Beomgyu knew he recognised you from somewhere. He just couldn’t figure out where. The way you smirked, the way you played with your hair, all seemed familiar to him. But where?

That night soobin had invited him and yeonjun out to a diner with him and this girl he had been seeing, soyu. Apparently, and he quoted, soyu had ‘two hot friends that she met recently and thought a night out with everyone would be fun’. So in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, soobin invited them to some triple-date deal.

At first, beomgyu was reluctant to go. He didn’t like the idea of blind dating. The previous time someone had set him up with a girl they claimed to be ‘his perfect match’, the girl turned out to be the exact opposite of what he liked. She was loud, ill-mannered and overall just too childish. Honestly, he had no idea how anyone could have thought he would like her. Since then, beomgyu always preferred to choose the people he dated. But for some odd reason, he agreed to soobin’s proposal. Not sure why, but something told him he was going to regret it if he didn’t.

That’s how he ended up here, in a ‘U’ shaped booth with two of his closest friends and three, admittedly, really good looking girls. Aside from soyu, the other two girls were you and your coworker, Zoe. As these things would typically go, everyone would be paired up. In this case it was of course, soobin and soyu, yeonjun and you, leaving beomgyu with Zoe. Not that Beomgyu had anything against zoe, it was just that as the group started talking more, the contrast between you and Zoe’s personalities started to become more noticeable. Zoe was sweet, your typical girl-next-door, while you were more sly, mysterious. You were the girl every mother feared their son dating. Yet, something about you drew beomgyu in, something seemed like déjà vu.

Yeonjun was the first to point out this difference. “You know, you and zoe are pretty different, it’s kind of surprising you two are friends.”

“Y/N just started working at my salon recently and i dont know, the three of us just cliqued,” zoe stated.

“Where did you work before that?” Beomgyu asked you, hoping your answer could give some clues to his mystery.

“I just moved here from London last month,” you replied.

London, that’s one clue. Beomgyu made a mental note. You continued on about your story, telling them about, when you a teenager, how you had moved in with your grandparents and studied in korea until you graduated high school. How your parents thought your behaviour was getting out of hand and how they thought sending you abroad would someone solve that problem. In all honesty, they probably just didn’t want to have to deal with you anymore and sending you to an overseas dormitory seemed like a liable option. You were never a bad student, in fact you actually scored straight A’s and was always the too in your class. Your behaviour was what drew the line with your family, always getting caught skipping classes and trespassing on school property during the night. They were just done with it and sent you packing.

As beomgyu picked up each clue you dropped, he started to remember his neighbour when he was about 17. A girl that moved in with the elderly couple that lived next door and went to the same school as him. Rumours eventually spread about that girl. At school, he heard the students gossiping about her, saying her parents had threw her to live with her grandparents cause they didn’t want to deal with her. That in her previous school she seduced boys and slept around. Breaking school rules to the point of suspension, leading her here. Parents, including his own, were instructing their children not to befriend her and to stay away from her. The more beomgyu heard about the girl, the more intrigued he became.

Even though beomgyu was in a different class from her, just from all the talking, it felt as if he knew her. He saw her pretty regularly, in the cafeteria, in the halls and even at the bus stop, most of the time, if not always, she was alone. He felt bad seeing someone he ‘knew’ on their own but being the good child he was, he listened to his mother and stayed away. Of course, this made her an easy target for bullies, or so they thought. Every time they tried to pull a cruel prank on her, she never reacted the way they wanted. When they poured something over her head she would simple shrug and go to clean herself off.

When another girl talked behind her back, or straight up tried to insult her, instead of getting embarrassed or mad, she would laugh and reply with, “i know I’m a bitch. I never tried to hide it.”

Eventually, the bullying stopped and boys started wanting to get closer to her, something about her pulling them in. She however, never really showed much interest in any of the boys that threw themselves at her. Through her time in there, she never had any trouble getting one of the boys to be her ‘little assistant’ for the day, be it running to the nearest convenient store for her snacks or kneeling on the ground and tying her shoe laces. Any boy would have killed to be in that position, wanting to test their luck with her.

Throughout her time there, beomgyu never spoke to her. He never so much as asked for her name. But since they were neighbours, beomgyu saw her often, mostly on the bus, but he always kept his distance. Every now and then, students approached him asking for information about the mysterious girl, but he could never give them any, saying he didn’t know anything. People found it hard to believe, beomgyu was one of the most charming and best looking guys in the school, if he wanted to, he could get someone falling head over heels for him in minutes. But he knew better than to get involved with her.

She wasn’t the prettiest, maybe slightly above average at best. But her attitude automatically attracted people’s attention. The aura she possessed, one of power and manipulation. From what beomgyu had observed, she was a kind and friendly person and would have probably even made a good friend. But she had a strange way of figuring out what people wanted from her and then using it against them to do her bidding.

—.✿ฺ—

Beomgyu’s bedroom window faced out overlooking hers. On occasion, she would fail to shut her curtains all the way and beomgyu would look in, seeing a small section of her room, her figure walking past every so often.

One evening however, while beomgyu was studying, he suddenly heard a soft noise from across alley. Shocked, he snapped his head up. Only to see the curtains were still drawn. Looking out to the driveway, he realised the car that was normally parked there was replaced by a new black one. Thinking back, he couldn’t recall ever seeing the elderly couple driving it. It wasn’t their car. Intrigued, he continued to listen, hearing more noise which eventually he identified to be moaning. And suddenly they stopped, ending with a long sigh. Soon after, he saw her walking out from her house, in a plain tshirt, as she lead someone to the mystery car. It was a boy, one that he may have seen around campus before but never acknowledged. The boy placed a kiss on her forehead and entered the car, driving away.

At that moment, beomgyu knew. He cheeks grew red as he felt his pants tighten just at the thought. Shaking his head to rid himself of the thought, he looked back down, only met by her gaze. She had turned around and saw his silhouette at his window. Quickly crouching down to hide, he clutched his chest. He was screwed.

That morning, he feared having to face her again. She saw him, he was one hundred percent certain about it. He stood at the bus stop, his mind still a complete mess. Hitting his head with his hand until he noticed her walking out of her house. Immediately he froze, expecting her to accuse him of his deed. But to his surprise, she didn’t. She didnt so much as spare him a single glance. Part of him was relieved, but the rest of him was starting to panic more, overthinking what it could possibly mean. But maybe she didn’t see him afterall. At school, beomgyu never muttered a single word about it to the others. The thought of having o share what he knew wasn’t something he was very fond of.

That night, beomgyu laid at his usual spot on his bed, reading. Interrupted when the sudden light from her bedroom lit up the otherwise dark alley. Looking across, she had just taken a shower, she was in nothing but a towel, her hair wet and skin sprinkled with water droplets. He couldn’t help but stare at the sight in front of him. No matter how perverted he knew he was being, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He watched as she entered her room, closing the door behind her. He figured next she would approach her window and draw the curtains, like usual. But instead, she sat on her bed, her back facing him. Placing her clothes next to her, she unravelled the towel around her, letting it drop and gather around her hip. Her bare back, now exposed to him. He knew it wasn’t much, but combined with the thought from the previous day, it was enough to get him worked up.

Not wanting to be seen again, he ran to turn his room lights off. He sat the edge of his bed, still facing her, as he started to palm himself. He studied her actions carefully, taking in the way she carefully dried herself with the towel, using a hairdryer to lightly blow dry her hair. He felt himself get harder in his sweats, just imagining what a front view would look like. Just as the thought came to mind, she stood up, towel falling on the floor, her rear end now on show to him. He wished how he could reach out and squeeze her with his hands. Sliding his hand into his boxers, he started moving his hand on his length. He felt as if he had a front row seat to the show that is your life. He continued jerking himself off as she continued on with her nighttime routine, struggling to keep himself silent. Eventually, she turned around to put her clothes on, allowing beomgyu to see her body clearly while she dressed herself. That alone got him to come undone, ruining his boxers as he continued to ride out his high. His hand lazily running along his now softened dick.

Again, the next morning beomgyu was terrified to see her. But once again, she acted as if nothing had happened. Whenever he passed her on the streets or in school, she always acted as if she didn’t know him. At this point, beomgyu thought he had gotten away with it. Cause he couldn’t think of any reason why someone would leave their curtains open, knowing that their neighbour is spying on then.

With the third night rolling around, beomgyu kept his lights off, using only his table lamp to study. Once again, he looked over, her curtains were open but today, she was just sitting on her bed, dressed only in an oversized shirt and panties, reading a book with her bedside lamp on. The lamp wasn’t the brightest, but it was enough for beomgyu to see what she was doing. He sat staring at her for nearly an hour, watching her switch between her book and her phone. Finally, she put her book down beside her. Beomgyu assumed she was probably going to bed until he saw her pull her panties off, throwing them on the floor.

He watched as she slowly slid one of her hand under her shirt, massaging her breast as small high pitched moans left her lips. His eyes widen, his mouth falling open. Immediately, beomgyu felt himself getting aroused. Moving closer to his window, as if one feet could get him any better of a view, his forehead was pressed against the glass. Her other hand moving down to touch herself. Beomgyu’s hand shamelessly moving to his own pants as she started pumping her fingers in and out slowly, as if she was teasing him intentionally. After a few minutes, she stopped, pulling off her shirt, exposing her body to him. Her hands going back to what they were originally doing. Only this time, he could see her kneading and playing with her breast as her fingers rubbed her clit. Beomgyu began stroking himself, eventually completely ridding himself of his pants and boxers, leaving himself bare for anyone to see.

Beomgyu closed his eyes, imagining that it was her hands around him instead of his own, the feeling of her small, fragile hands around his dick, pleasuring him. Suddenly, another moan escape her lips, causing him to shoot his eyes open, he stare falling back on her and how her back arched as she got closer to her high. Fuck, how much he wished he could jump over the alley and take care of it for her. The thought of roughly fucking her against her bedroom door, making her regret torturing him like this, even if she didn’t know it.

Beomgyu admired as her moans got louder, echoing across the alley, filling his ears, letting him bask in the sound. As he watched her fingers pumped faster, his hand speeding up its movement. His leaned against the window, not wanting to miss a second. Soon, he had to use his free hand to muffle to sounds of his own grunts, feeling himself coming as soon as she did, finishing at the same time. Streams of his cum dripping down the wall he leaned against. He was still panting for air as he stayed focus on her. Her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath.

Up till graduation, beomgyu would spend his evenings looking out his window, his hands down his pants at whatever she gave. Most days, it was nothing, just her studying or watching netflix shows. Some days it was her naked in front of the mirror, preparing for bed. But on the days he got lucky, he would be able to see her pleasuring herself. And on rare days, he would even be able to see her get fucked by other men. How he wished he could be one on top of her, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.

Beomgyu would admit that, within those months, what he did was wrong, but it just felt so right. Every evening he looked forward to the show she was going to perform. However one day, a few weeks after graduation, it all just stopped. Her blinds where drawn once again and all he could remember was overhearing his parents talking about how the elderly couple next door was sending their granddaughter to study in the UK.

For some reason, it stung. Even though they didn’t even know each other, beomgyu felt as if he had been abandoned. Now and then, he found himself checking out his window, in hopes she would suddenly appear again, but it never happened.

This brings us back to the present. Beomgyu sat in the booth next to zoe, unaware that she had been talking to him for the past few minutes.

Was it really you? What were you doing back so soon? Was all that was going through beomgyu’s mind.

“Beomgyu!” Yeonjun called, snapping his fingers in front of his face to get his attention. “Zoe’s talking to you.”

“What? Oh, sorry i spaced out. You were saying, zoe?” Beomgyu apologised, trying to keep his focus on the girl he was supposed to be giving his attention to.

But as she continued talking, he still found himself stealing glances at you. The way you laughed at something yeonjun told you. And the way you lightly hit his shoulder when he made a joke.

Just as zoe was about to say something else, beomgyu interrupted her, “yeonjun, let’s go order some milkshakes for everyone.”

“What-,” before yeonjun could reply, beomgyu grabbed his arm, forcing him to get up and follow him.

When he was sure they were far enough away, beomgyu spoke again, “listen, dont ask any questions. We need to trade.”

“What why? Aren’t you and zoe having a good time?”

“I- we are,” beomgyu started, “it’s just, i need to talk to y/n. I think she used to be my neighbour.”

“Then why dont you just asked her like this? There’s no way im trading. Zoe is cool and all but y/n is cool,” yeonjun replied, putting emphasis on the last part.

With that, yeonjun walked back to the table, leaving beomgyu to sigh in frustration. There was no way he could just ask you like that in front of everyone. Going to order a couple milkshakes, he returned to the table. This time, he noticed Yeonjun’s arm around the back of the booth. It was his usual, eventually, his arm would end up around you, pulling you closer to him. It was infuriating, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Some ways through the night, you had excused yourself to go answer a phone call. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, beomgyu excused himself after you. Following you to an empty hallway that connected with the bathrooms. An emergency exit at the end. He waited around the corner, calling your name the moment he saw you put down the phone.

“Y/n, hey.”

“Oh hi beomgyu, where you waiting for me?” You asked, perking an eyebrow at him.

“No-,” he considered lying for a second, but saw no point for it. “Actually, i was. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Well what is it that you couldn’t say in front of the others?” You asked, folding your arms and leaning against the wall. After all these years, you still had the same powerful aura that left him speechless and flustered.

“I- er. I don’t think you would remember but... i think we used to be neighbours... We went to the same school.”

You chuckled at his hesitation, “i do remember you, beomgyu. The moment i saw you even.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Probably the same reason you couldn’t. Dont think I didnt know about you jerking off, watching me every night. I’m not blind beomgyu,” you smirked.

Beomgyu swallowed hard, looking at the ground as face turned a shade of red, “you knew? I’m sorry. But if you knew, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Where’s the fun in that? Knowing that i got my hot neighbour jerking off to the sight of me was thrilling. Teasing you every now and then, my poor boy,” you leaned in closer to him before practically whispering the rest, “got me so damn turned on.”

Once again, beomgyu was at a loss for words. He felt the blood from his head rush to between his legs. The thought of him jerking off to you turned you on?

“I only wish you would have let me watch you as well,” you said out of the blue, causing beomgyu’s head to snap up in shock.

“I think you owe me. Don’t you, baby boy?”

By just listening to your words, beomgyu was getting harder by the second. Looking down, it was blatantly obvious to everyone.

“Poor thing. Do you want help with that?” You asked, you hand ghosting over his clothed dick.

Beomgyu tried to keep his cool but ended up frantically nodded at your statement, “why dont we go somewhere else?”

“You dirty boy. We’re in a public place and all you can think about is getting off. Tsk. I think you should take care of it yourself, don’t you?” This time, you walked towards the exit door, leaning against it and got beomgyu to face you. “I want you to jerk off. Right here. I think you owe me, after months of watching me do it.”

“But-“

“Or you know what, im just going back to join the others,” you quickly said, cutting off beomgyu’s argument.

“No!” He said, a bit too eagerly, clearing his throat immediately after.

“I knew you weren’t as innocent as your portrayed,” you shot him a smirk, palming him through his jeans and watched as beomgyu’s eyes shot open.

Undoing his zipper, you pulled his dick out, leaving beomgyu to savour that short moment of having your hands on him. He was almost completely hard by this point, the tip red, pointing slightly upwards. Slowly, he grabbed himself and started pumping his length.

Leaning closer to him, you put your arms around his neck and whispered, “have you ever fantasied about this before? You jerking yourself off in front of me in a public place.”

Shaking his head as a response, he started working himself faster, feeling himself get more turned on by your words, using the precum that was leaking out as lubricant. He felt embarrassed you could have this kind of an effect on him but he couldn’t care right now.

“Fuck, you know baby boy, since high school, ive always found you really attractive. And seeing you like this right now is actually really hot. I’m actually staring to wonder how you would feel.”

“Then let’s go somewhere more private. I swear ill take really good care of you,” beomgyu suggested, hoping it would convince you, losing his breath as he felt his dick start to twitch in his hand.

“No, i think i like it here. Do you remember how i looked back then? I always made sure to be within your view so you could see me.”

Beomgyu shut his eyes as he listened to you speak. He remembered those days as clear as crystal. Right now, he wondered if anyone walked by, would they know exactly what you two were doing? He felt nervous getting caught. But at the same time, the though thrilled him. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so turned on, excited and worried at the same time.

“Look at me baby. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you come. I bet it must be so hot right? I wonder what your friends would think if they knew what you did. Would they think you’re a pervert? Would they think you’re so lucky right now? While they’re stuck back there being good boys with their dates, you’re here, getting off.”

Looking up at you, beomgyu saw your signature smirk as you watched his hand moving up and down his length. His hand moved faster as he got closer got coming. Never in a million years would he have thought he would be in this situation. The girl of all this teenage fantasies watching him jerk off in a public hallway. The more he thought about his, the closer he got. A struggled groan coming from his throat.

“Fuck, im- im cumming.”

Taking a step aside, you watched him spill his cum onto the back door. You gaze never leaving beomgyu’s face until he relaxed. He looked down, tucking himself back into his pants and laughed.

“Well, fuck. I never thought i would do that,” he stated, “so what do you want to do now? I’ll go anywhere with you.”

“I’m going back to the table,” you shrugged.

“Wha- I’m sorry, what? Why?”

“I left yeonjun alone. In case you forgot, he was supposed to be my date for the night.”

“You’re still planning to spend the night with him?” Beomgyu asked, completely shocked by your answer.

“Of course i am. It’s rude to leave halfway.”

“I was really hoping this wouldn’t be a one time thing,” he admitted, a different look in eyes.

“Trust me, it wont be,” with that you started to walk away from beomgyu, leaving him on his own to make himself decent again before joining you and the others back at the table.

Sure, it hurt seeing you still with yeonjun, his arm around your shoulders, whispering things into your ear that made you laugh. But the thought of being able to meet you again was enough the keep beomgyus’s head up. It felt as if all his teenage fantasies were coming through.

=====================================

Ahhhh i freaked out about posting this. Hope u liked this!!! Inspo from smt i read a few years back (i dont rly remember what cause its been so long).-.

Masterlist

#txt fanfic #txt au #txt imagines #txt fluff #beomgyu smut #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu au #choi beomgyu #txt smut #beomgyu #txt network #beomgyu x reader #txt x reader #kpop au #kpop fluff #kpop smut #kpop fanfic

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sickonthedancefloor · 3 years

Text

So... wrote more of the thing, got distracted by a lot of *just gestures at America*, decided to post what I had anyway. Tentative part one? Have fun~

Sickie: Hoseok Caretakers: Namjoon, Jin (so far)

Content: emeto, fevers, flu-like illness

The nap just felt like a bad idea once Hoseok woke up.

The band had finally concluded their fifth weekend in a row of concerts and they have two weeks before the next one, so some downtime would be absolutely appreciated. But sweaty, tired, with their ears still buzzing from the cheers and bones still jittery from caffeine and exhaustion, they needed to just get changed so they could make it back to the hotel for a good night's rest.

Eat, shower, sleep. It was their usual pattern, and one Hoseok had been completely used to. But for some reason he felt like he'd gone overboard today, and his entire body regretted it. After the concert, after the encore, after the staff made their way around the boys collecting sound equipment and disconnecting them from their mic monitors and congratulating each other on jobs well done--ARMY had loved the finale, Hoseok was just so glad it all went well--Hoseok had just gone to the green room and flopped on the couch. After a deep sigh, letting, and a mumble of thanks when he felt one of the noonas fanning him with one of their ARMY face-fans, he'd shut his eyes and... actually had fallen asleep, the adrenaline draining from his body at an alarming rate.

"Hobi-ah! Hobi-ah! You didn't even get up! Come on, it's time to go."

The fan was gone, and the noona who had been there, but an uncomfortable chill had taken over its place as Hoseok squinted his eyes open. The sweat felt caked on his face, like crust gathering at his eyes. His limbs felt like lead, and it took him a few moments to register the voice. Honestly, he couldn't place the light trill until he saw Jimin appear before him, the younger singer's hand finding his shoulder.

"Come on, hero. Sejin-nim found us a ramen restaurant."

Hobi groaned. Food, while advisable and very necessary, just felt like an uncomfortable afterthought. He wasn't in the mood to eat, much less get up, but given the temperature drop in the room he kind of wished he had grabbed his hoodie.

"Jimin, have you seen my jacket?" was what Hoseok attempted to say. It came out more along the lines of, 'Jimiiii, m' jacket?' But Jimin's expression seemed clouded as he looked at him.

"You're cold? But it's so warm here..."

Hoseok nodded. He finally pushed himself to sit up, but the effort it took had him leaning forward to drop his head against Jimin's arm, his back protesting. He just felt so sore. Did he overdo it at the concert?

"Hobi... You're kinda warm."

"Mm... no, cold."

Hoseok really needed to wake up more. He normally felt tired after concerts, but this just felt painfully excessive. He lifted his head, looking towards the floor when he spotted a fresh water bottle. Perfect. Taking the water bottle, he opened it and just drank a solid third. It was lukewarm, which wasn't the tastiest, but it felt needed, refreshing. Maybe he was just a little dehydrated, some food and good sleep would help.

"Hobi... are you feeling okay?"

"Just tired, Jiminie... Just really, really tired."

---

The mere idea of dinner didn't seem to sit well with Hoseok either. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep until he felt Jin shaking his shoulder gently. He blearily opened his eyes to find Jin leaning over him, a smile growing on his hyung's face once they made eye contact.

"Come on, Hobi, dinner!" Jin cheered lightly.

With just a grown, Hoseok shut his eyes again. He really didn't want to get up. His head and his limbs felt like led, and his stomach just felt uncomfortable. But Jin's strong arms tugged at him until he budged from his seat, and he had no choice but to get up and follow along. Once out of the car, Jin paused to look at him for a moment, his grin faltering.

"You look... I don't know. Are you okay?"

"I think I just went harder during the concert than I usually do," Hoseok mumbled. He leaned over, his head dropping on Jin's shoulder. Jin promptly wrapped an arm around his side, hugging him close to him. It was comforting, warm in a way Jin always was, firm and supportive and kind. Hoseok smiled, eyes blinking heavily. "Hyung, don't let me go, I might fall asleep here."

That brought a soft, hiccupy laugh out of Jin. "Aaahhh Hobiiii, don't fall asleep standing! At least get some soup!"

Jin didn't let them dawdle longer in the cold air and he walked Hoseok inside. Limbs barely dragging along, Hoseok followed Jin to their private back room where the remainder of the band had already been seated. The room was cold, and Hoseok could feel a chill the moment he slid into his chair. He could already feel Jin's eyes focused back on him--his eldest hyung, always so observant over the smallest of things--but he pointedly stared towards the menu and attempted to focus on it.

That was until he felt two hands grip his beanie, but the hands merely pulled the hat further down to cover his ears. That.. made a lot more sense, honestly. It was warmer, having the beanie pressed snugly onto his neck, but the light material against his ears muffled the noise of the restaurant. When Hoseok looked up, he caught Jin's light smile before the older man turned to his own menu.

"It's kinda chilly in here," came Jin's only explanation.

Hoseok couldn't fight the small smile off his own face as he returned his eyes downward. He honestly was not hungry, which wasn't too surprising for him. After concerts, Hoseok usually felt rather peckish but never outright starving. A bowl of ramen or a salad could hold him over until breakfast, when he was prepared to eat everything under the sun. With a small yawn, he took a sip of the water provided and tried to tune into the conversation happening.

It was another animated night of Jungkook and Taehyung reenacting something goofy that had occurred during the concert when they were allowed to just let loose and have fun. Today's silly song had been Love Maze, which had ended up with an impromptu dance move between Jungkook, Hoseok and Jin, and Hoseok smiled down at his menu as he recalled the memory. The concert had honestly been a ton of fun, and ARMY had loved it. It had just taken too much out of him. Had he gone overboard? He couldn't even remember, but he didn't regret it regardless. He heard his name passed around, and an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Hoseok didn't waste time leaning into the embrace, humming softly at the sudden warmth... Jimin, he was pleased to see.

"Rest on me, hyung, I'll nudge you when the waiters come," Jimin spoke softly.

Hobi nodded, and as much as he wanted to just rest his eyes, he couldn't help but fall asleep on his roommate's shoulder.

---

"I think he has a fever," Jin said softly over his dinner.

Jimin had moved Hoseok from laying on his shoulder to resting his head against his thigh, and Hoseok's mouth had fallen open a bit from the change. His breathing was raspy, and as Jimin placed a hand on his cheek, he frowned as he nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I think so too," Jimin answered. "He probably pushed himself too hard at the concert, he seemed completely exhausted when it was done."

"I was wondering about that," Namjoon chimed in as he sipped a beer. He fiddled with the plastic bag of Hoseok's to-go order of ramen--they just ordered it to-go when they first picked their meals, no one wanting to wake the dancer. It was late, and it wasn't completely uncommon for them to be too exhausted to eat, but it was a rare occurrence to see their leading dancer and team sunshine so drained. Being sick just made more sense. "Hoseok's usually still fussing over everyone after a concert, I was downright concerned when I caught him sleeping."

"Hopefully it just passes by tonight," Jin mumbled. "It could just be overheating. We worked hard during the concert."

The others nodded in agreement. Namjoon couldn't help but reach a hand to Hoseok's cheek and press his fingers against soft skin. Maybe it was just temporary, he had to tell himself; but the heat radiating against him worried him nonetheless. "I'll stop by a drugstore on the way back just in case. I don't think we've got anything in the hotel, do we?"

Jimin and Jungkook both shook their heads. Usually at least one of them had extra painkillers or various cold or throat lozenges, but he imagines they left everything in the hands of the staff. The energy seemed to dwindle after that; they were all tired, but having their J-Hope asleep and as cause for concern, they didn't seem to be as in the mood anymore. They quickly finished, and as Yoongi took care of the payments, Namjoon and Jimin tasked themselves with waking the poor young man.

"Hobi, c'mon, we're going back," Jimin tried to coax. For the first minute, Hoseok didn't respond at all, but it wasn't until Namjoon's hand tugged on his arm that he groaned, something small and pitiful.

"Hobi, c'mon." Namjoon tugged his arm again, and Hoseok tried to pull away as he blinked open his eyes.

Wait... He glanced over, taking in the decor of their booth in the shop, to Namjoon's face, brows scrunched in worry and lips pointed downward, and it dawned on him that he was still in the ramen shop. Namjoon was just relieved to see realization slowly coming back to him, as Jimin's hands found his shoulders and helped him upright.

"Come on, let's go to bed," Jimin murmured. "We're tired."

We. Collectively. Less room for Jung Hoseok to argue, and Jimin knew it. If he were to point out that Hoseok was tired, he probably would have gotten an argumentative response, something along the lines of being able to finish the night if they had more tasks, or wanted to explore. But we meant it continued more than just him, went to names he wasn't even familiar with and asked for 'rest'. We tonight meant the entire band. And honestly, it wasn't a complete exacerbation--he himself was feeling drained, and he could see exhaustion drooping on all of his hyungs. How Jungkook and Taehyung were still going strong was beyond him.

"Back to the hotel?" Hoseok asked, voice small and shaky. He just stared owlishly between Namjoon and Jimin, as if trying to discover some forbidden secret.

"That's right, Hobi," Namjoon answered. "Come on, back to the hotel."

The next morning, Hoseok just felt worse. That Monday was their first day off, and usually the staff let them partner or split up and explore the city. They didn't get a lot of opportunities during the weekends of the concert, but the next two days, if not spent in the rooms, were often spent shopping and seeing fun sights. Hoseok remembered vaguely telling Taehyung he'd go with him to the aquarium last night, he thinks (did he imagine it?), and he remembered something about a really neat store downtown, but the rest seemed vague and disjointed. Did he really agree to go out today? With limbs that didn't seem to move on their own anymore? This was difficult...

His head felt completely stuffed with cotton, heavy and plugged up like no other. His nose was stuffy, sinuses enflamed and swollen--and it came with not only a dull headache but an uncomfortable fog that seemed to just cloud his thoughts. His ears didn't feel like they worked right. Really, none of him felt right. Not completely focused, all he could think were two words upon waking: 'So tired'. He could barely breathe, and after two very uncomfortable, forced sniffs, he merely opened his mouth to take in more air.

Hoseok's phone buzzed next to him. Then twice, three times.

Groaning, he stretched a hand out to find where it had moved to last night, limb moving lazily across the comforter. Honestly, Hoseok doesn't think he charged it at all, but it definitely came from somewhere around the bed. However, after a few minutes of futile searching, he merely gave up and allowed the uncomfortable haze to take him under.

The brief nap didn't seem to last long at all. There was some sharp knocking, and someone's deep voice calling his name, rather cautiously. A minute or so later, he heard the lock click and the door slid open.

"Hobi, you alive yet?"

Ah, Namjoon. Hoseok forgot he'd given him the extra room key.

Hoseok groaned, turning to the side. His mouth felt dry, and his limbs were heavy. He didn't want to get up yet, that felt like too much energy. And for someone who could run nearly nonstop on one Americano? That was saying something.

"Hobi? You're still not feeling great, Hoseok?"

With an incoherent grumble, Hoseok nodded. He hadn't even opened his eyes, didn't want to risk upsetting his head even further. There was a thick, consistent pounding that he immediately wanted to sleep off. He heard Namjoon's steps approach and stop, and soon long fingers had begun carding through his fringe. Then Namjoon's cool hand pressed against his forehead, and Hoseok shivered--why was he so cold?

"You're still warm... guess you didn't sleep it off like we hoped," Namjoon murmured.

Sleep it off? Hoseok had to take a moment to try and recall what made him feel so lousy in the first place. He remembered falling asleep at dinner, but even returning to his room seemed hazy. Brows furrowed, Hoseok merely looked at Namjoon, eyes squinted, as if trying to search for the answers. He wasn't sure what happened--hell, he wasn't even sure if Namjoon knew. But the look on their leader's face, that heavy-set frown and pensive eyes, Namjoon certainly must have figured it out.

"We should have had you take some medicine last night." His hand raked through Hoseok's sweaty bangs, pushing them from his forehead. His touch was gentle and cautious, and his simple motions lulled Hoseok into closing his eyes, nearly dozing again. He could just figure it out later, really... This felt nice.

"Ah--" Namjoon's hand froze. How long had it been? "Hobi, wake up!"

"Mm?" Hoseok grunted in response, but didn't move from his spot. Namjoon's hand moved away, the younger boy scooting back a little. With a frown, Hoseok moved a hand over to grab Namjoon's wrist. His grip was clammy and warm, not strong at all, but he didn't meet any resistance. Hoseok dragged Namjoon's hand closer, ignoring as Namjoon's fingers whacked his sore nose, resting only when he dropped the hand right atop his head.

'Keep going,' The message was clear. 'Don't stop, it feels nice.' Being sick made sense. It honestly explained everything: the headache, the clamminess, the chills. Even exhaustion--a concert wouldn't take this much out of him, would it?

With the chuckle from Namjoon, but those familiar fingers soon find themselves pressing into his hair again, and Hoseok decides he doesn't care. He lets himself succumb to sleep once more.

---

That was unexpected. Hoseok relaxed far too fast under Namjoon's hand, and only seconds seemed to pass before he could hear soft, congested snoring from the older '94-liner. That was worrisome, especially since Hoseok didn't seem to have a problem yesterday. Did this all come along after the concert? Or had he been hiding it? It took Namjoon a moment as he tried to recall the details of the day, but with last-minute arrangements, costume changing, makeup, stage rehearsal... There was no way to tell.

Worried, he moved his hand to Hoseok's shoulder and shook, concerned Hoseok may have actually passed out in weakness. Hoseok grimaced at the shaking, trying to tuck himself further into his blanket. Okay... so he just fell asleep. Namjoon sighed, and with another ruffle of Hoseok's hair, he pulled out his own phone and immediately scrolled through the contacts to their beloved eldest hyung. He didn't even bother with text and pressed the 'dial' button immediately.

Seokjin didn't take long to answer at all. "Joon-ah, my friend! Where are you? You're missing breakfast, I'm going to eat your share if you don't come for it!"

That got a soft snort out of Namjoon. "There's a reason. Do you have the medicine in your room? I think Hobi's sick, he hasn't gotten out of bed."

The joking tone to Seokjin's voice dropped immediately. "I was afraid of that... Does he have a fever? Is he coughing?"

"He feels like he has a fever," Namjoon answered. "Haven't heard any coughing or sneezing, but he went right back to sleep really quickly."

Seokjin sighed. "Hopefully it's not too bad yet... Hang on, I'm gonna finish up here and grab the bag in the room. Just keep an eye on him until I get there."

"Alright, hyung, I'll be here."

As they disconnected, Namjoon sighed and opened up the group chat, then closed it. No use worrying the others yet. Instead, he switched to the chat with their manager, sending a quick message about his teammate's condition. The near-immediate response he received offered help if they needed it, and just said to keep him updated. Namjoon sent a thumbs-up response before drawing over the chair from the hotel's desk, dropping into it.

Leave it to Hoseok to save getting sick for after the concert. At least it was convenient timing.

"You need to tell us when you don't feel well, you silly," he mumbled, though a fond smile fell as he reached over to pet Hoseok's hair. With his free hand, he just opened up the internet and mindlessly checked his emails.

Thankfully, the wait wasn't long at all. Fifteen minutes later, and Namjoon let in a worried Seokjin who had a bag from the hotel's convenient store, a cup of something hot, and a small RJ pouch from his room. Namjoon picked up the pouch.

"Seriously, how much RJ stuff do you own, hyung?"

"Aish, Joonie, don't worry about how much RJ stuff I own!" Jin bickered playfully as he pulled items out of the bag. Fever patches, cough syrup, pepto, a bottled sprite, a few tea bags from downstairs, and even some cracker packages. Namjoon peeked into the RJ bag to find throat lozenges, painkillers, bandaids... even a small thermometer.

"The thermometer is from Sejin-nim," said Jin, and he held his hand out.

Namjoon handed it to him. The last minute inventory was a pretty good set. "Guess... let's wake him up again and see what he's feeling."

Jin nodded. He kneeled next to the bed and gently shook the dancer. He moved the blanket back, and sighed at the forlorn look the younger one gave him.

"Seokkie-ah! Come on sunshine, wake up for a little bit."

Jin?

Hoseok hummed in confusion as he attempted to turn himself onto his back. His blanket felt positively stifling now, and he was getting sweaty. He grimaced, honestly feeling uncomfortably warm as he tried to push it away. Jin helped by pulling it down to his waist, but soon that large hand pressed against his forehead again.

"You're not kidding. He's roasting. Seok-ah, how are you feeling?"

Hoseok's eyes opened, but he grimaced and shut them again. Everything seemed to spin the moment he tried to look, and it turned his stomach immediately. He curled in on his side, bringing a hand to his head.

"Bad headache?" Jin asked softly.

"Mmhmm..."

"Feeling anything else? Sore throat, upset stomach? Give us something to work with."

"But... day off," Hoseok croaked. His voice sounded hoarse, and he looked completely drained. "No working."

Namjoon snorted. "You got jokes on your sickbed. Can't be that bad."

With a smile that soon turned into a grimace, Hoseok shook his head.

...then promptly leaned over the bed and vomited. Jin barely moved back in time, but didn't manage to avoid side splatter on his shoes. Namjoon was quick with grabbing the wastebin from the desk and moving it under Hoseok's face, grimacing as the dancer gagged up another hot mouthful of sick. Jin moved to the side of the bed, rubbing Hoseok's back.

"There, just get it out..."

And get it out he did. Hoseok barely had time to take a breath in before he heaved forward again, choking out mouthfuls of thick, clustered vomit. Jin held him up by his shoulders when he noticed Hoseok's arm shaking under his own weight holding him up, and he continued to mumble reassurances until he began to slow down.

"Deep breath in, Seokkie," Jin coaxed, pulling Hoseok back from the basket. "You're done. You can't have that much more in you."

Hoseok frowned. "I--" Hoseok grimaced, voice raw. He took a moment before trying again. "I got it on you, Jinnie?"

"No, I'm fine." Jin stroked his hair. "C'mon, rinse your mouth out and then you can lie down again."

Namjoon already had a water bottle open, and Jin took it from him to help Hoseok take a sip. After swishing it around, Hoseok spit it out in the trash bin before collapsing onto the pillow behind him. Grimacing, Namjoon carried the bin to the bathroom and grabbed a towel and the bathroom's bin. He placed the towel on the mess, siently apologizing to the cleaning staff, and attempted to clean it up a little. Bile was gross, especially when it had an especially sick smell to it, but it wasn't the worst he's dealt with. He didn't get sick sympathetically--honestly, it was a small blessing, given how often colds and bugs passed around them. He'd grabbed a washcloth, and secretly handed that to Jin. Jin flashed him a grateful smile and began to wipe his shoes off.

"Well, that made for an eventful morning. Hoseok-ah, I guess in a little while, you should try some tea and then medicine. It's going to hurt your stomach more taking it while empty."

Groaning, Hoseok reached for the blanket and pulled it back to his chest. He just felt chilled to the bone now. He just wanted to sleep, see if perhaps it would go away on its own. He didn't realize he had been mumbling it aloud until he felt Jin's hand comb through his hair and his hyung sighed.

"Seokkie, that's not going to help at all. Come on, just a few sips."

"Nooo..." But it sounded small and pathetic. And Jin wasn't going to have any of it. Without much prompting, Jin's hands wrapped around his shoulders and guided him up, moving him to lay against his shoulder. But before being handed anything, Hoseok could feel something cool tapping his lips.

"Open up, put this under your tongue."

That didn't require much. Hoseok obliged, eyes closed, leaving it for Jin and Namjoon to handle on their own. Namjoon though, had frozen in his clothing, as he caught sight of the numbers climbing up. And up. 38... 38.5... 38.9... 39...

"Aish, Hoseokkie..."

It finally beeped, blinking on 39.3 C.

"It's this high already?" Jin pulled it from Hoseok's lips. "Joonie, grab one of those compresses for him. Hobi..."

Jin moved, and Hoseok grimaced again--Jin had leaned over, and his sense of balance shifted with him. He righted himself, and Hoseok, and lifted the mug to his lips. "Here, drink."

With a soft whimper, Hoseok carefully took sips of the tea. The warmth came with a strangely comforting feeling, soothing on his throat and actually settling against his empty stomach. It was weird, but he had to appreciate it. It wasn't long before he could feel the cool gel sensation against his forehead as he felt Namjoon smoothing a patch against his forehead. It was chilled and uncomfortable, but as he shivered, he could feel Namjoon setting another one on at the nape of his neck.

"Aigooooo," he whines.

Jin just laughs and strokes his hair. "You're really sick, Seokkie. These should help."

But before Hoseok could get comfortable, Jin jolted him again. "Try to take a pill before you fall asleep."

There was a whine of apprehension that surprised even Hoseok, and he looked up at Jin with unsure, squinted eyes. Namjoon had turned off the light again, leaving just a bit of light from the hotel windows. That definitely helped with the headache, but Hoseok wasn't sure if he was ready to try a pill.

"Try? Try for Hyungie?"

There was another whine, but Hoseok held a shaky hand out, curled fingers trying to uncurl. He'd try, at least once. Namjoon was quick to pop a cold and flu tablet from the packaging and place in his hand, and Jin placed a water bottle to his lips. Hoseok made quick work of swallowing the pill, before laying down. He made a beckoning hand again.

"Eh? But you took it, Hobi-ah, you're okay."

Hoseok's fingers clashed again. Namjoon laughed, but Hoseok was too exhausted to gripe about it.

"He wants you to give him your hand," Namjoon translated the gesture.

"OH. Oh, okay." Jin placed his hand in Hoseok's, and Hoseok moved the hand to the top of his head. An unspoken request--pet my hair please. Namjoon chuckled, but he wasted no time in running his fingers along Hoseok's scalp, lulling the dancer back to sleep.

Unfortunately, dozing only lasted a few seconds before his stomach flipped, and Hoseok's eyes widened. He didn't want to throw up again, not on the floor at least... As he attempted to sit up, he swayed the opposite way and found himself suddenly braced in someone's steady arms. The wastebin was handed to him, and he tilted his head down, a mouthful of bile and the little water he drank escaping into it already. Gasping, he pressed a hand over his stomach as a painful cramp waved through him, bringing with it another mouthful. Hoseok gagged and coughed out another long stream, of leftover food from somewhere deep within him and stomach acid. It honestly hurt his throat, and he could feel his eyes stinging with tears from the pain.

Jin's arms just held Hoseok tightly as his body convulsed, a nearly gutteral sound escaping as he retched. There really wasn't anything left in him, and yet his body felt like it needed to purge out whatever viral affliction was plaguing him.

From Namjoon: "Hobi, take a breath!"

Hoseok retched again, then opened his mouth and tried to just take a breath in. It came in as a strangled gasp, mouth open as spit drained from his lips. Another attempt and he managed to settle the urge to vomit again, at least. Namjoon borught the water bottle back to his lips.

"Here, rinse."

Ah... Hoseok followed the instructions easily, letting Namjoon hold the bottle as he brought it to his mouth and swished the liquit about, before spitting it in the can. Namjoon moved the trash can to the floor and ran a hand through Hoseok's sweat-damp hair as Hoseok slumped against Jin.

"It's okay, you stopped," he said softly. "So... I guess that was too much."

Hoseok whimpers. "I'unna lie down..."

Jin laughed but helped ease him to the pillow, draping the covers over his shoulders. He lay on his side, grimacing as another cramp rippled through his stomach.

Jin rubbed his shoulder softly. "Try to rest while you can, okay? We're staying here with you."

"Mm... okay. Don't leave." And with that, Hoseok let sleep overtake him once again.

Jin frowned as he looked up at Namjoon again. What were they going to do now?

#Whit writes #sick!hoseok #!emeto #!fever #!flu #caretaker!namjoon #caretaker!seokjin #caretaker!jin #bts sickfic

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caffiine · 3 years

Text

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS. I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being” but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back.

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #oh and #saileen #just to make sure theyre not forgotten #dean winchester #castiel #Misha Collins #jensen ackles #15x18 #15x20 #15x19 #i fucking guess #dean x castiel #casdean #castiel x dean #supernatural season 15

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goldandbluesmiles · 4 years

Text

Heading Towards Something Good

Summary: Damian, Father, Family and Affection

Notes: Based on this prompt by @just-an-aussie-otaku Hope I did it justice.

Ao3

XXX

The relationship between Damian, his family, and affection was...unnamable at best.

The League had not been big on displays of affection, praise had been sparse and the only positive touch had been after a job well done. Jobs that had let Damian empty and hollowed out. His mother had tried, but in keeping the balance between keeping her father happy and keeping her son safe, his mother had let normal child-rearing slide.

It was probably why she had sent him to Gotham.

When he had first come to the manor, he had been distant from his family. Then his father had died and the emotions that he had tried to keep a lid on had exploded around him.

And there had been Grayson.

Grayson, who had sat up with him at night, even when he had acted terribly to the older man.

Grayson, who had given him hugs and ruffled his hair even when he had threatened to stab him.

Grayson, who had ostracized one of his brothers for him. Damian himself might not like Drake but he knew how much he meant to Grayson and how much it had hurt the man to drive him away to look after Damian.

Grayson had given him unconditional love even though Damian had made it extremely hard for him.

And now Grayson wasn't there anymore.

He wasn't gone per se. Bludhaven was only half an hour away after all, and Damian could not begrudge him his own life. Damian was also quite glad to get to know his father alone.

However, Grayson's absence was felt. Especially on nights when Damian felt like peeling his skin off.

Grayson had always had an infinity for knowing when Damian needed him. And while Father was there now, he had no such instinct. They simply did not know each other enough.

The only way for Damian to get anything out of him would be to ask.

And really, he'd rather just take comfort from the dark.

xxx

Damian might not have had much training as a Bat but he had more than enough as an Assassin. He thinks that maybe his family had forgotten that sometimes, especially during the time his father was lost in the time stream.

Damian had started to silently creep around the house at night and none of the present occupants of the house had ever caught him. It had allowed him to hear conversations and exchanges he wouldn't have usually been privy to.

One of the first ones he had heard had taken place three weeks after Father's disappearance.

"I don't know what to do Wally, it's just so hard. I don't know how Bruce used to do take care of little me- Yeah okay, I guess he wasn't grieving at the time but still-"

If Richard and Alfred ever figured out that he overheard their conversation they had never shown. Hearing them had given him a new perspective on the first Robin, it had allowed him to appreciate what the older man was doing for him and had brought them closer.

It was this closeness that had allowed him to learn more about the kind of man his father was. Richard had told him stories of how in the beginning he had practically forced tactile affection on the repressed man. By the time Jason had come along, Father had been so well conditioned by his eldest that he had reached out on his own. Both he and his young ward had been at an uneasy middle until Jason had finally succumbed to the comfort. Post-death Jason had a relationship that consisted of barbs and retorts underlined with the care that existed years ago. Drake had been different, he had had parents and Father had been grieving, but eventually, they had been headed to a sort to a resolution that had picked up now that Father was back. Cassandra and Father had their own language, consisting of silent looks and precise movements. Stephanie and Barbara were not his children but they both had history and respect with him.

Damian had no idea what he had with Father.

"He'll want something with you too," Richard had said a little while after the original Batman had shown back up.

Damian had not answered him but that statement was the reason that he found himself slinking down the hallway towards Father's room.

Tonight was not a good night. It was the kind of night that made him want to silently scream, made the glass shards inside of him scrape at his sides and made the insistent buzzing in his head loud enough to drown out his thoughts.

It was the kind of night that Richard would have held him to sleep.

But Richard was in Bludhaven. And Father was just in reach.

The door was open. A few more steps and Father would surely notice him.

For a second, just a second, Damian consider just turning back to his room and forcing himself to go to sleep. However, the idea of being alone in his room again made him want to be violently ill.

By God, Richard had spoiled him. He had never had this problem with the League.

Making up his mind, Damian went forward until he was standing on the doorway to Father's room. The man was sitting up in bed and seemed to be looking at some papers with WE logo on them. It took him almost a minute to look up from them but when he did, his eyes alight with curiosity.

"Damian?" he asked

Feeling a bit panicked he blurted out the first that came to mind.

"Father, I need affection,"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Damian felt his whole body grow still and cold. This was not how he was supposed to say that! He looked pathetic! Father was going to think-

Except.

Except that Father merely raises his arm outwards, a clear invitation to sit with him. Refusing to overthink, Damian moved until he was in the circle of his father's arm. Once he was there, the older man bodily hauled him onto the bed. The reports were moved around until there was enough room for Damian to curl up in Father's lap, right against his chest.

"Oh, baby," said Father, once Damian was settled in his arms, "You only have to ask. I know I'm not good at noticing when you kids need something like this and I try to be better at it. But Damian if I don't notice, please ask if you need me,"

Damian nodded against the older man's chest and his father gently kissed his temple.

"Do you want me to turn off the light or is it okay for me to continue reading?"

"It's alright," murmured, already starting to get hazy. Father was warmer then Richard and while Richard's hugs had been tight and soothing, Father's was all-encompassing and safe.

Damian fell asleep as the glass inside carefully receded and his skin finally felt right again.

xxx

After that small incident, Damian became much more comfortable asking his Father for what he needed.

He even used the same line he did the first night. It never failed to make Father's lips twitch up in a smile.

Usually, they were alone when Damian asked. Just before school in the morning, the study or the lounge in the evenings, their rare lunches together, sometimes in the Batcave after patrol.

But they were always alone. Then came the day when Richard was over. School had been long and tedious. Homework had taken more energy than he had anticipated. All he wanted was to curl up with Father and just spend the evening in his company, however, it happened.

He first checked the study. Father was not there. The next place to look was in the lounge. Damian did find Father there, lying horizontally on the couch, book in his hand. However, he was not alone. Richard was there too, working on his laptop. He hadn't called Damian before coming over which meant the decision was last minute.

Damian contemplated just going to Richard and sitting with him the way they used to. However, his older brother looked busy and Damian was surprised to find that he wanted to sit with Father. Not just because he was the only option, but because it was honestly soothing.

Mind made up, Damian walked over to Father and stood by him with his arms crossed.

"Father, I need affection,"

In response, the older man raised his arm without taking his eyes off the book he was reading. Damian ducked under it and ended up laying on top of his father, head pillowed on his chest.

Damian knew Richard was watching them but with the way his muscles were uncoiling, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Dick, for his part, hid his shock pretty well. On the inside, he was squealing in delight but he kept his composure, occasionally sneaking glances at Bruce and Damian. Bruce kept reading his book and Damian seemed to be texting someone. After every few minutes, Bruce gently stroked a hand through Damian's hair and give his temple a kiss.

So Adorable.

Dick discreetly took a picture. Damian obviously didn't notice and if Bruce did, he didn't say anything.

The picture was later sent to everyone he knew.

And if Damian internally smiled at the copy he was shown by Selina...well no one needed to know.

xxx

Tim and Bruce were sitting in the cave working on their perspective reports when Damian walked to them. Tim side-eyes him, surprised to see the boy in his civilian clothing. Most of them tried to keep both lives separate and Damian especially never stayed in the cave in his civies.

He was even more surprised when Damian climbed into Bruce's lap. There were no words spoken, no indication. He just climbed up there and started reading the case file along with Bruce.

And Bruce. Just did nothing. He just let him sit there.

Had Tim missed something? When had these two gotten so comfortable? He'd seen the picture but this-? And since when did Bruce let people that close to him?

Tim himself was rarely on the receiving end of the closeness.

As soon as Tim had that thought, he regretted it. He knew from stories that Bruce had been a different man before Jason's death. His relationship with Cass was good. Tim had been unfortunate with his timing. At first, they were just professionally linked and by the time he had been adopted, they had had a habit neither one had taken the time to break.

Tim couldn't begrudge the man trying to have a better relationship with the child he never knew he had. He just wished watching it didn't make him feel a little hollow inside.

Still, as the even went on Tim couldn't help but feel a little happy about it too. He loved his family and both of them deserved this.

And anyway it wasn't as if his relationship with Bruce was lacking any love. He was especially reminded of this later on patrol when Batman bought Red Robin his favourite shake 'just because'

xxx

Jason was halfway out the door when he realized he didn't have his keys with him.

Damn it.

This is what happened when he came to the manor as Jason Todd and got comfortable. He started acting like a normal human being instead of the paranoid and cautious bat he was supposed to be.

It's good to keep them separate. You can be just Jason too, son.

And that was Bruce's voice in his head.

Jesus Christ. He really needed to get out of here and get drunk with Roy. Maybe Kori could be persuaded to come too.

He headed to the TV room and was treated to a lightly odd but admittedly adorable sight. Bruce was sitting on the couch with Damian in his lap, both of them fast asleep and snoring lightly with their mouths open. Cassandra was also there leaning into Bruce's side, looking sleepy but awake.

Jason let his lips twitch up at one side and grabbed a blanket from the armchair. He spread it over Bruce and his siblings. Bruce and Damian barely stirred but Cass smiled at him and mouthed 'Thank you'.

Jason gave her a salute, grabbed his keys from the table and headed out again, a little more bounce in his steps.

Later when Roy asked him why he was smiling like a moronic sap, he just grinned harder and pushed the other man to the ground.

It's what he deserved.

xxx

"Oh Hey, Bruce-"

Tim entered the living room and was greeted to the sight of Damian, once again, curled up in Bruce's lap. Stephanie was there too, sitting on a different couch and discreetly snapping pictures of the pair.

He had been hoping to get Bruce alone and while he wouldn't mind Stephanie, Damian still had some problem sharing his time with his dad.

"Tim did you need something?" asked Bruce

"Uh, well I was hoping to show you my report but we can do it later. I'll just-"

Before he could walk away, Bruce's voice stopped him.

"Why not now, Tim?"

He turned back to look at Bruce and saw that he was frowning in confusion. Tim didn't know how to tell him that his youngest was most likely to stab him at his intrusion. And the was Stephanie was stifling her laughter wasn't helping either.

Before he could come up with an excuse, however, Damian straightened up and jumped to his feet.

"Father is right, Drake," said Damian, "Putting off work is not a good look. You just reminded me I have a report on my own to finish,"

Tim raised his eyebrow at the boy. Even if Tim hadn't been trained by the Bat, he could have seen the lie from a mile away. Which meant-

He shared a disbelieving look with Stephanie. Had the Batbrat just read the room?

Wonders would never cease.

Tim sat down with Bruce and they carefully started to go over the reports from WE.

As he was sitting, Tim found himself leaning closer and closer to his dad. Finally, he just decided to take a leap of faith and put his head on Bruce's shoulder. Without any hesitation or lull in the conversation, the older man put his arm around Tim, pulling him close and giving his hair a kiss.

Huh. So it was that easy.

Stephanie raised her camera at them, looking at them in amusement.

Tim looked her dead in the eye and, very maturely, stuck his tongue out at her.

The deep sigh from Bruce did not deter either of them.

xxx

Bruce had noticed how comfortable his youngest had become around him and it never ceased to warm his heart.

They were at a gala, Him, Dick, Tim and Damian. It was late into the night but only halfway through the party and Bruce was chatting with a group of socialites. He was in the middle of pretending to find Mrs. Doser's vacation story interesting when he felt a tug at his side. He looked down to find his youngest standing by him and sleepily rubbing his eyes.

Damian didn't say anything but when he looked, Bruce read his face loud and clear even if that wasn't Damian's intention. Without any hesitation, he picked up the young boy and settled him against his shoulder. Damian squirmed a little but in the end, he relaxed under Bruce's gentle coaxing.

Damian was surprised at his Father's actions. At best he had hoped to have some of his Father's attention, at worst be berated or sent away. He had not expected this and could find no reason for it to be happening. But as the night went on and people merely cooed and awed at them, he figured this was just something people did with their children.

He got an image of his mother carrying him after a brutal training session but banished it from his mind. She had done her best and thinking about it wouldn't help.

During a separate incident, Batman was sitting in front of the Batcomputer having a meeting with the core members of the JL. He was in the middle of explaining the budget when Damian marched towards him wearing a mask and completely uncaring of the faces on the computer. As soon as he reached Bruce he jumped into his lap and closed his eyes. He must have been severely sleep-deprived because it only took his moments to fall asleep.

Bruce was torn. On one hand, his sweet, precious baby was sleeping in his lap. On the other hand, the founding members of the JL were still online and only Hal Jordan knew his identity.

In the end, the meeting continued with Batman glaring every time anyone tried to deviate from the subject.

If he smiled at the string of emojis and supportive texts Superman and Wonder Woman sent him on hs secure computer, it was his own secret.

xxx

Damian couldn't sleep and the most frustrating thing was that he couldn't pinpoint the reason. He hadn't gone on patrol and his day had been relatively uneventful.

He just couldn't find sleep.

Damian finally gave up and padded down to the den. He was surprised to find that Richard was there too.

"I guess we had the same idea, huh?" said Richard, sending him a soft smile

A closer look at the older man's face and Damian knew that Richard had a good reason to not be asleep. His eyes were puffy and face a little pale as if he had been crying.

"Couldn't sleep," mumbled Damian

"Same," said Richard waving his arm to invite him over.

Damian went over situated himself beside his older brother leaning slightly against his arm. They sat there in silence for a little while until Father came into the room.

He stopped in the doorway, almost as if he hadn't expected anyone to be down there.

"Boys," boys he murmured sounding tired but awake at the same time

"Hey B,"

"Father,"

"You know what we should do?" asked Father, taking in both their appearances.

Damian was confused by Richard seemed to perk up.

"Pillow fort!" he said

Father smiled, "Pillow fort,"

What followed was one of the most confusing half-an-hour of Damian's life. He hand never made a pillow fort before but he was good at taking directions and arranged blankets, pillows and support as required. When they were finished, they had quite a big tent with pillow walls, blanket roof, and cushions to keep them comfortable.

"Why is it so big?" he asked

As if on cue, Timothy, Stephanie and Cassandra stumbled into the room.

"See, I told you I heard voices," said Stephanie

"Yeah, yeah," said Timothy, "Are you guys making a fort?"

"Yup," said Dick, "Join us! The more the merrier,"

Damian expected himself to feel annoyance at being interrupted but found that he felt...content.

Now wasn't that a thought.

They had just started to arrange themselves when Jason walked in with Duke right behind him.

"Pillow forting without us," said Jason

"That's not a word," mumbled and Timothy, "And there's room,"

"What do you think, kid?" Jason asked Duke, "Should we grace them with our presence?"

Duke grinned, "I don't know about you but that looks comfy,"

"The Duke has spoken," Jason mock cried, "Make room brats,"

They moved around until Father in the middle. Dick and Tim on either side of him and Damian on his lap. Duke curled up across Tim and Father's legs while Jason took the spot opposite of him. Stephanie and Cassandra ended up curled together on the comfy couch behind Father.

"Good Night, everyone," said Father

There were a few mumbled answers as everyone started to nod off surrounded by the comfort of family.

Damian fell asleep with a smile on his face.

The relationship between Damian, his family, and affection was still unnamable. But he liked to think that it was heading toward something good.

#batfamily #batman #batdad #Damian Wayne #Damian al Ghul #bruce wayne #dick grayson #batfamily members

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alightwhendarknessfell · 4 years

Text

Dear Andy,

I have debated posting this for a while, mostly because I wanted to get it right. With the WSTW re-record release approaching and things coming to light about the actions of a former member I feel that now is as good a time as ever. I don’t know if you’ll read this, but it is something that over the past year I have wanted to do. I have been unfair and overcritical and at times, downright mean. I was judging you and your actions based on my own interpretations. The events of the past few weeks have shown me that those interpretations were wrong. So here it goes…

I have been a fan of not only Black Veil, but of you going back to 2008-2009, when everything was still on Myspace. I vividly remember eagerly awaiting the release of WSTW and making my mom drive me to the local Hot Topic to pick it up the day it came out. I remember going to my first show in a small little bar in Raleigh, NC that sadly is no more, and I remember being dressed in war paint along with my best friends. I know that it may not seem like it, but I to this day consider myself a fan. The band that you created was pivotal for my teenage years and to this day the community you helped build means the world to me.

I will admit that it was my passion and love for that community that was the root of my criticism. Despite what you or others reading this may think, I do not hate you, not at all. There have been times that I felt let down, cheated, and disappointed as a fan, but the events of the past few weeks have really opened my eyes. I will get that to that point, but I did not and do not hate you. As a person I speak up, at times when I probably shouldn’t, but I do when I feel strongly about something. I have certainly made the mistake too many times of speaking before I had all the information or trusting my own judgement on things, I knew nothing about. I am trying to get better at not doing that.

I can see how some of the things I have said, condoned, or even given a platform to were mean, uncalled for, hurtful, and regrettably untrue at times. I have had this blog and been in this fandom for over a decade. I was 13-14 years old when I first made this blog, and I am almost 25 now. I look back on some of the things I said, and I deeply regret them. In 2015 this blog was accidentally deleted, and honestly it was probably for the best that some of my earlier posts are gone. Regardless, I have let myself get carried away or swept up in drama perpetuated by others (and sometimes myself). I have said things, even in the past few years that I shouldn’t have, things that could be hurtful. While my intention was never to hurt you, I think it’s safe to say that myself and others lose sight of the impact of our words when they are said behind a screen, to people we think will never read them. As a teenager or even in my early 20’s I didn’t think that someone ‘famous’ would see what I wrote, surely it would all get lost in the sea of tweets, posts and comments.

That does not make saying those things right.

I would like to personally apologize to you for not considering the fact that you might see some of those words. That you are a person with emotions just like everyone else, that could be hurt by them. I am sorry for letting others get away with saying cruel things, even if I pushed back on them or didn’t directly comment. I would be lying if I said that the fame (or infamy), status and notoriety I got for my words didn’t affect my actions. It’s sad, but true that often times more attention comes out of negativity than kindness.

As someone who has been bullied and suffers from mental illnesses, I should have left some things unsaid. I do not know you personally, I only know what you have shared. Seeing you speak about your own struggles with mental illness over the recent years has really given me a much-needed reality check. I have related to some of the things you’ve talked about more than you know. Some of the things that others and I have been critical of were clearly not the result of malicious intent but of your own hardships that we were blind to.

I think people forget, and I know I did, that when this band took off you were just a teenager yourself. To think that at 18 or 19 someone in your situation would act ‘right’ all of the time and never make mistakes is ridiculous. Not only were you a kid trying to figure the world out, but I think it has become clear that you were dealing with people who used you for their own selfish gains. That would be hard for anyone, regardless of their age.

I have never dealt with addiction on a personal level, but I emphasize with whatever pain you had to endure in your own struggles with it. You are right when you said that no one sees themselves becoming an alcoholic at twenty years old, and I am sorry for not being more sympatric in the past. One of my biggest regrets in all of this was hearing that during the time that I was probably the harshest to you (around 2016) was when you were struggling the most with trying to be sober.

I am happy that you are sober, I am glad that you were able to make it out of that cycle that consumes so many people. I hope that others who are struggling are inspired by your dedication to living a healthier life. In an industry where it is too easy to fall back into toxic behaviors and coping mechanisms, I am glad you have found strength.

I would like to speak on why I have been so negative in the past (and at times hateful). As I said, what you created in Black Veil meant a lot to me and so many others. This band has been a part of my life for so long and I have met some of the most amazing people through it. I have met people that I can honestly say I love because of this community. This fan base gave me a home when I felt alone and gave me something to identify with as a kid. That’s why I started cosplaying as you, sure it’s a hobby of mine and aesthetically I am a fan of 80’s glam metal, but it was mostly to pay tribute. I am not a ‘traditional’ artist in the sense of paintings and drawings, my media is makeup and costume. The WSTW/STWOF era is what I consider my era as a fan, the one that I identified with the most.

I admit, I was upset when it ended. That’s a stupid reason to be upset, obviously all bands change and there’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s how I felt. The source of my jadedness was not the adoption of a new look, it was deeper than that. Around 2016 was when I had the most animosity because I saw what I thought at the time was you ‘giving up’ on Black Veil. I felt like the ‘old’ fans weren’t wanted anymore and like most people, I felt the need to protect and defend what I loved.

With the introduction of your solo act, it felt like the community I cared so much about was being destroyed and I couldn’t understand why you were doing that. I was blinded by my own judgements. What came off as hate was really just hurt. I know I am not the only ‘OG’ fan who felt that way, and I took that to mean I was justified. In hindsight it is clear, none of us had any idea what was really going on with the band and certain individuals who were bringing it down. At various times it seemed like you hated the old era and as a fan who stood there from the beginning that felt like a gut punch. I let my own feelings make me bitter, and that was wrong. I let others fuel that bitterness, including ones who were actively stabbing you in the back.

I remember around 2012 I made a very critical post of an article you did in Kerrang talking about your struggles with alcohol. I criticized you for not saying more and even said that what you shared was nothing in comparison to a former member’s struggles with addiction. When I received this DM from that individual saying that they approved of my words and that I was ‘spot on’ I felt embolden. I deeply, deeply regret letting such a toxic and horrible person influence me. That post I wrote was wrong, ignorant and immature. That post was one that got deleted in 2015, but I still regret having written something so heartless.

(screen shot is from 2012, this was a Twitter DM from said individual. I did not share that post with them, they found it on their own and contacted me. )

I see now that you were not turning your back on Black Veil, you were trying to save it. The interview you did with Ryan Downey brought me to tears. I cannot imagine what it feels like to have something you spent your whole life fighting for be taken over by an abusive, evil, and selfish person. I feel like I have gained a better perspective of where you and the band were at over the past three weeks and I am sorry you are not free to say more. I am sorry for defending this person because they did not deserve a single fan.

Some who takes advantage of another’s passion and youth because they lack the creativity and ability to do it on their own is stealing, plain and simple. I am sorry that you have been tethered to such a horrible person for so long. I deeply admire your perseverance, strength and determination in taking back what that person tried to take. To be willing to destroy something you love and care about to keep it from the hands of evil is an incredible act of dedication to it.

I would like to end this with a few more things. I know I have been critical of people that you love. I do admit I have taken those criticisms too far at times where they crossed into bullying. I am sorry to Juliet for being unfairly harsh, I am not a hateful person, but I have allowed myself to act that way. There are certainly things that I have said that I stand by, and there are things that I may not agree with or understand, but I think there are ways that I can voice my own opinions respectfully, without being mean.

In an ideal world I would love to sit down with you, or anyone else I may have hurt and have a discussion about it, but hopefully this gets my point across well enough. I do not intend to delete my blog or stop accepting posts (although I will try and make an effort to get rid of toxic posts. It will just take a while to sort through them all). While I can’t promise to never say anything critical again, I can promise to stop the hatefulness. I am promising to make a real effort to clean up some of the toxicity towards you that is unfair and unwarranted. To facilitate a more respectful, yet still honest and open dialogue. I do take pride in my blog being one of the last places of discussion and community for fans, but perhaps without the cruelty that been allowed to fester. If you are someone reading this who comes here to be mean and hateful, I’m sorry but it has to stop. This was never intended to be a ‘hate blog’, but I will openly admit I understand why people thought it was.

If you take anything away from this, or if you even read this, please let it be this. I consider myself a supporter of you and what you have created. I want nothing more than to see you succeed and be happy. I hope that you are able to overcome the struggles in your life and that you are able to find meaning and true happiness if you have not already. Although it may not appear so, I have always routed for you. It may seem like nothing you do is ever good enough for the fans (or at least some of them) but for me at least that is not true. You have been given an impossible task of trying to please thousands of people, of never being allowed to fuck up, and having past transgressions brought up again and again. For that I am sorry, and I am sorry for having played a part in that.

You deserve to be treated as a person, not as an object or persona. I whole heartedly believe you are a decent person, who maybe has flaws and room for improvement, but so do I and so does everyone else. I do believe there are fundamentally bad people out there, people who deserve the karma they have coming. Those are the people that purposefully hurt, lie, manipulate, cheat and deceive others for personal gain. I think especially in the past few weeks we have been shown who those people are. Yet, I don’t believe you are one of those people.

To everyone out there who is reading this, please give people the chance to change. Be okay with admitting when you are wrong. Allow people to grow and become better. Over the past year my mentality and perspective on the world has shifted dramatically. Two years ago I couldn’t have written this post, but as I enter my mid-twenties I am able to look back and say ‘this is not the person I want to be, this is not the person I want people to think I am’. So all I can do is admit my shortcomings, apologize, and be better.

Andy, if you read this and made it to the end, thank you. You are in no way obligated to respond to or accept any of what I said. I just wanted to put this out there with the hopes that it in some way, or that some part of this, lessened some of the hurt I regrettably have caused.

- Ren <3

P.S the banner of my blog is not calling you or the band trash. It’s a fan term for when someone is really into something. Saying “I am ______ trash” means you love that thing. I know it’s weird, but it’s supposed to be an inside joke for other fans, it’s a positive thing. So, when I say “I am 100% 2010 Black Veil trash” I am talking about myself being a massive fan of that era. I don’t think you or the band is trashy, if I did, I wouldn’t be spending money on tickets, merch and shoving blue contacts into my eyes for 10+ years.

#Andy Biersack #Andy Black #Black Veil Brides #BVB #alightwhendarknessfell

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