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#hogwarts houses incorrect quotes
hope-the-joke · 4 months
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hufflepuff: I love you so much baby.
slytherin: Are you... Are you talking to a tray of muffins?
(Huff stuffs another muffin into their already over-flowing mouth.)
hufflepuff, chewing: I sense you're judging me.
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miss-beetle · 1 year
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Slytherin: Don't worry, I've realised I'm not actually in love with you. I just want to be friends. So you don't need to worry about our friendship ending.
Hufflepuff: Lovely!
(She shows him her latest plant. She gives the sunniest smile Sly's ever seen).
Hufflepuff: I'm naming her Ursula.
Slytherin:
Slytherin: Can I take it back?
Hufflepuff: What?
Slytherin: You're cute as fuck. Can I take back what I said about not being in love with you?
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Gryffindor: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!  Ravenclaw: Merry crisis.  Hufflepuff: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.  Slytherin: Hoe hoe hoe.  Gryffindor:  Guys, please.
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R/S: Ah, yes, my train of thought.
R/S: Or, as I like to call it, The Anxiety Express.
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astratlantis · 1 hour
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Hufflepuff : *sobbing hysterically* ARE THOSE FLOWERS FOR ME?!??
Slytherin : uhh. yes
Hufllepuff : *continues bawling their eyes out* DID YOU REALLY JUST GET ME FLOWERS?
Slytherin : don't make me say it again
Hufflepuff : *pulls Slytherin closer* DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS??
Slytherin :
Hufflepuff : COME HERE *absolutely and completely smothers Slytherin with kisses*
Slytherin : * whispers against Hufflepuff's lips * I'm glad you like it.
Hufflepuff : *starts sobbing again*
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radical-ghostface · 2 months
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MC - (worried) Guys, I can’t find Sebastian.
Garreth - Oooh, let me try something. (clears throat) MC IS A SELFISH WOMAN AND A TERRIBLE WITCH-(screams as Sebastian full body tackles him out of nowhere)
Sebastian - WHAT DID YOU SAY
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orphicmortala · 5 months
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Sirius: Y/N, would you do me the honor of becoming my sister-in-law?
Regulus: Did you just propose to her FOR ME?
Sirius: Someone had to do it, Reg!
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Ravenclaw: I failed my safety training course today.
Slytherin: Why, what happened?
Ravenclaw: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"
Slytherin: And?
Ravenclaw: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.
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redadidassneakers · 28 days
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Sirius: do you eat the hopes and dreams of children for breakfast?
Regulus: that and cornflakes, I like to mix it up a little
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Y/n, grabbing Harry by his collar: SAY THAT YOU'RE SORRY!
Harry: I'M SORRY!
Y/n: AND WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?!
Harry, sobbing: FOR SAYING THAT YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE!
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hollowwrites · 9 months
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Parseltongue-tied
Pure brain rot. Not thoughts, only breathy Ominis!
~
MC: So how does Parseltongue work exactly?
Ominis: If I know a word in English I just instinctually know it in Parseltongue…
MC: Could you teach me some?
Ominis: I could. I don’t know why you’d want to learn. Like I’ve said, it associated with dark wizards.
MC: …I just want to say Hello to some snakes…
Ominis: Fine. Hello is Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaa
MC: …Hash?
Ominis: (rolls his eyes) No, listen, Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaa
MC: (sighs) Hhaaaaccssshhhaa
Ominis: Almost. (leans closer to her) Just a little softer. Think how snakes sound. Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaa. Again.
MC: (moves closer to him) Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaaaaaa
Ominis: Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaa (tilts his head down to her) Again
MC: (becoming increasingly breathy) Hhaaaaaaaasshhhaa (notices his eyes closing slightly)
Ominis: (becoming gruffer) HhaaaaaaaaScshhhaa
MC: (involuntary whimper)
Sebastian: What on EARTH have I walked in on?
Ominis and MC: (pulls back blinking and dazed)
MC: I wanted to see his snake. SPEAK. I wanted to SPEAK snake…I need to leave (hurriedly exits the Undercroft)
Sebastian: …
Ominis: … Not a word Sebastian
Sebastian: I haven’t said anything (smirking)
Ominis: …
Sebastian: Oh that reminds me, I was wondering…Could you teach me how to say “I’ve been madly in love with you since I shouted at you outside the Undercroft in fifth year” in Parseltongue?
Ominis: …(sighs)
Other pieces of trash! Welcome to the Garbage Pile
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hope-the-joke · 7 months
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(during class, the teacher asks the students to note down their first interpretations of a passage from their textbooks. once class finishes, slytherin and hufflepuff walk down the hall together.)
slytherin: im not gonna lie, my natural first thought was slavery.
hufflepuff: really? mine was animal crossing.
slytherin: well considering the topic was economics i think we both did really well.
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miss-beetle · 1 year
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Hufflepuff: You're so cute.
Slytherin: I will end you.
Hufflepuff: Even cuter.
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Ravenclaw: What’s your biggest fear?  Slytherin: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.  Hufflepuff: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.  Gryffindor: Zombies.  Slytherin: ...  Hufflepuff: ...  Gryffindor: BUT they can open doors. 
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R/H: [texting] I'm lost without you
Slytherin: Oh, babe, that's so sweet!
R/H: No, no, literally, where the fuck are you? And where the fuck am I? I mean, definitely somewhere in Lower Hogsmede, but babe, I'm panicking.
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astratlantis · 2 hours
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*Slytherin and Hufflepuff stuck in a closet *
Hufflepuff : God I want out
Slytherin : *INTENSELY staring down Hufflepuff* i dont
Hufflepuff : ok. step aside
Slytherin : i don't want to
Hufflepuff : is this you flirting or am I simply getting bullied?
Slytherin : both
Hufflepuff : works.
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