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#his biggest mistake still took enormous skill to even get as far as he did
ayrennaranaaldmeri · 3 years
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gale is smarter than you, get over it.
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lapinmiel · 3 years
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Mirror, Mirror
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Felix and OC (Female), 1,8K. (Part 1)
Phoebe’s life was never one of an adventure, even as a vampire — after being discovered by the Volturi for her talent, she finds herself running away from the world’s most powerful organization, and soon she finds herself in a complete lie and truth situation, with the anchor of her lover leading her to his side.
Part 1, Part 2
None of the nights were calm anymore, it was always a chaser behind, and there was always an obstacle to be faced ahead. Days were filled with blood and dread, and she wished she could close her eyes for a night and never wake up again.
He called it “teenage dread” which made her very sad and furious, because she had been alive for fifty years now, how the hell could she have a teenage dread now? She had never heard it before anyway, she was past her teens — more like early twenties, but she didn’t remember her birthday. Her thoughts were like water droplets in a bucket of water swaying left to right, purely disordered.
And now, she was dealing with another threat: the damn Volturi were after her.
The night they realized there was a vampire out there who could mirror any talent was the night her life as a free vampire had ended. She had never seen the Volturi before, but she’d heard about them from Saladin’s stories, and all those were horrible. From executing clans to poaching lone vampires, they gained form as soulless monsters in her imagination, and she was not ready to face them.
And when the night of her planned poaching had come, she was surprised, because even Jane, the little one was a monster in her mind but, she was barely half of her height, which made things complicated for her. She knew she could kill Jane in a heartbeat, it was one of her skills after all, but would she feel comfortable killing a child? She didn’t know, but she realized she would have to do it one day rather quickly.
“Phoebe.” Jane’s dead, stone-cold voice had traveled the air and reached her. “I propose you join us, and we will let your creator be free.”
It wasn’t an easy choice. It wasn’t a choice. Saladin had told her before, the Volturi does not forgive. The Volturi does not tell the truth. If she joined them, Saladin would be dead by dawn, and she would have to spend her whole life serving for three marble like (but much uglier) creatures to death. Her aspirations didn’t fit theirs, and her sense of freedom definitely wasn’t a thing that they could inspire. It wasn’t the right band of people to be sent to offer a union anyway, a little agony machine, a man with eyes of mischief and another one with a door like figure that looked like it would take him a single wrong lettering of a name to crush your skull to a jelly. Besides, the men looked slightly attractive, and it wasn’t for the easy lover like Phoebe to resist men like that easily.
She refused. No hesitation was found in her noise, no twitching of hands — and in a second of leaves falling from the trees, she felt thousands of needles trying to penetrate through her skin. Her mind took action in an instant and the three vampires fell on the ground. She used the chance to turn around and tell Saladin to run away, but he had already, and when she tried running, she felt something around her neck.
The arm, or whatever it was that choked her, felt like a tight rope, much like when she was drowning in her human life. She tried putting her hand around it, but the force was far too powerful for her to slip her hand.
Then she acted out on her instinct, and kicked the figure behind her. The arm around her neck loosened, and she used the moment to run away.
It had been five days since the night happened, and they hadn’t stopped for more than two hours. “If we stop, they will find us.” Saladin had said to her earlier, he told her that the shorter man was called Dimitri, and he could find anyone, anywhere. He couldn’t risk staying in a place more than a couple of hours because he knew the Volturi would bring a whole army to poach Phoebe, and it wouldn’t matter whether his shield would be working or not. They had penetrators anyway, and he wasn’t looking to die in at least three hundred years from that moment on. They were running for hours, hunting, and running again. Saladin knew the Volturi were tracking their footsteps, and Demetri was on their necks like a crow.
It had been three hours since they’d stopped on a mountain in north Asia, and soon, it was going to be the time to move.
Phoebe had been thinking to say something for days, and the mountain range, which she didn’t know the name at, gave her the feeling of what would happen if I said, it doesn’t matter, and she wanted to go for it.
“You know what, Saladin.” She said in a breath. Saladin was busy with finishing his food. “I’m gonna say it.”
He looked up with curious eyes.
Phoebe poked the hand of her victim on the ground to fend off nervousness.
“You are the reason that we are running away now.” She looked up at Saladin. His eyes showed no emotion other than curiosity. “If you hadn’t put your shield down on the forest, we wouldn’t be here. We would be looking for Zareen like you wished.”
Saladin, licking the blood on his lips, got up and stood on the place like a mannequin. Phoebe was relieved now, because her thoughts had reached the belonging place, and now she could deal with his bickering for a couple of days. Better than keeping thoughts in a locked up place.
“Well, I am.” Much to her surprise, Saladin wasn’t angry. “But you must accept that it wasn’t intentional. I was distracted by the human. If I wasn’t, nothing would have happened.”
“Yeah, that’s the point.” She said. “If you weren’t. You should keep your guard up all times. You hadn’t one time, and we are being hunted down by the Volturi and you are probably going to get burned like a witch at a stake as if it was the Middle Ages!”
“I’m not you, Phoebe! My talent doesn’t work on its own, I have to focus on it.”
“I know.” She was feeling guilty for telling him what she thought now. It felt ungrateful.
“It doesn’t matter. We will survive this.” Saladin took a step towards her and put his hand on her shoulder. “We are going to find Zareen, and we are going to erase our existence from our world.”
He smiled, and embraced her tightly.
She knew it wasn’t completely his fault. She knew that it was a distraction that caused this all, yet, she couldn’t forgive him completely. No, it wasn’t a matter of forgiveness — it just felt wrong. It felt wrong that after living fifty years in peace, she now had to run away, and if they couldn’t find Zareen, they had to do it for their whole life. God knew how long would that be.
She was already getting bored with her life. Living in the shadows, hunting people, overpowering every being on the planet, being indestructible. A weakness was lacking, and her talent didn’t help at all. She was presumably the luckiest person in existence, and perfection was boring after spending decades being it.
After Saladin released her from his hug, they started running again. Hours and minutes were as light as a bird’s feathers, and later, they found themselves in the southern regions of the continent.
After hours of running, they stopped again, another mountain by a big city. Saladin felt like the place was quiet enough for him to catch any sound that sounded peculiar, and Phoebe thought that the trail around the mountain was the perfect place to hunt humans. They quickly ran around the mountain for a possible prey, and they fed on him to his last drop of blood once they found him. Within seconds, they felt powerful again.
In that little euphoria of feeding, Phoebe caught the glimpse of a plane flying right above their head. Her eyes glimmered. She turned and looked at Saladin to see whether he was thinking the same thing, but no, he definitely was thinking about his meal.
“Saladin.” Her voice brought surprise to Saladin again.
When he looked at her, she pointed upwards to the plane, but still, Saladin’s eyes were oblivious as ever. Maybe it is his old age, she thought.
“We can use planes.”
Saladin furrowed his brows.
“We can use planes to stop the Volturi from finding us. We’ll sneak into the cargo compartments during take off, and you’ll use your shield throughout the journey. When we land, we feed and look for Zareen. Then the Volturi will be confused.”
Saladin finally understood. Phoebe often felt like following him was a mistake, because despite his brilliant plans, he was often too slow at understanding her plans.
“They won’t be able to track us without thinking that something is wrong.”
“Yes!” Phoebe’s excitement was flowing through her veins. “No vampire uses technology. And I wasn’t born a thousand years ago.”
Saladin gave a quick smile. They agreed on the plan, and they quickly finished their meals. They arrived at the airport soon after. Phoebe offered playing a little game to choose which plane to sneak in, but Saladin, being his no-bullshit self, refused it, and choose the biggest plane. The logic behind it wasn’t clear to Phoebe, because he had never traveled by plane before, how could he know which plane flew where? Phoebe didn’t know it either, but judging from the size, it was likely going to America.
The plane they chose came to the runway about an hour later. They were waiting by the airport fences. When he felt ready, Saladin told Phoebe to run and lead him. She did as he wanted — just when the plane was about to start its engines, she run and entered the plane from the back tires.
The space was enormous, and Saladin look terrified. He knew he wouldn’t die even if something happened, and he knew that planes were completely safe after what Phoebe told him about them, but being in such a foreign object was giving him an extremely uneasy feeling, as if he was a human again and was sick with nausea. Taking off part felt like he was flying, not the machine, and after spending long hours, lading felt like falling.
The terror in his eyes when Phoebe told him to hold on to somewhere on the top of the compartment was remarkable, and Phoebe couldn’t contain her laughter when he saw him looking like a little scared puppy. While they were holding to the cables and parts of the plane, the tires got lowered, and for once Saladin felt thankful for his vampirism. At least I won’t be crushed by this thing, he thought.
Just as when the plane was getting out of the runway, Phoebe and Saladin jumped off the plane and run to the nearest fences. They jumped through them, and started running again.
It took a couple of seconds for Phoebe to realize it wasn’t morning and that they didn’t have to run away. She slowed down and told Saladin to do the same too. He came close to her to get her in his shield.
But it didn’t take long. The feelings that settled in Phoebe was not relaxation, but fear.
Because the signs on the streets didn’t read any English words. The people around them were not speaking English either. It was melodic, much more than her own language. And it was terrific too, because they were trying to run away from their hunters, not land in their homeland.
From the Writer: Just a heads up, my first language is not English and I struggle with choosing tenses when writing. If you see “had been” mixed with “was” or thing like that, please inform me. I can’t really differentiate them. By the way, Phoebe is not read the regular “Phee-bee” way, it’s more like “Pho-ee-bee”, because that’s how I pronounce it lol.
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chickensarentcheap · 3 years
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Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 46
Title: Not Broken, Just Bent
Warnings: mention of suicidal thoughts, profanity, angst
Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip, @miss-smutty​
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“I appreciate this,” Tyler says, as he and Desi work side by side in the front foyer; assisting the three littles with the zippers on their coats and the laces on their boots.
He’d called the neighbour on a whim; desperate for even the smallest bit of help. He’s never been one to just reach out to others; long drilled into him that only a pathetic and weak man needs a helping hand. But if the first nightmare in Dhaka had taught him anything, it’s that even the biggest and strongest need someone to lean on from time to time; his body and his spirit so broken that he’d required assistance with even the most basic and simplest of everyday living skills. Esme stepping up to the plate and never once complaining about the energy it depleted her of or the time it took out of her own schedule; never making him feel as if he were a burden. Accompanying -and chauffeuring, as both his physical limitations and pain medications made it impossible for him to function to that extent- him to doctors visits and physiotherapy sessions and counselling appointments with addiction specialists. Always wanting her right there with him even when the most difficult of subjects were broached or intense physical exercises caused excruciating pain. Her quiet presence and all of the patience and resilience inhabiting that tiny body both a source of strength and a tremendous comfort. Accompanied by the tender touch of her hands as they massaged his shoulders or rubbed his back or her fingertips cleared wayward strands of hair from his forehead and out of his eyes. Voice soft and soothing even during the moments where frustration and pain had him raging; a palm on the back of his neck and her nose pressed against his temple as she encouraged him to ‘just breathe’ and reminded him of how far he’d already come and how he was proving all of the doctors and the naysayers wrong.
Six years later she’d find herself back in that situation again; his babies growing and thriving inside her as she once more took on the role of his caretaker. Having to lend assistance with even the mundane things most people take for granted; helping him to the bathroom when the pain was too intense to make it even when the aid of crutches or a walker, keeping a well organized and attentively followed medication schedule, feeding him when the tremors in his hands -a side effect of the meds- made it impossible for him to even hold a fork or spoon. Giving him showers or sponge baths or washing his hair in the kitchen sink and trimming both his hair and his beard. And she’d willingly learned more intensive care as well; wound irrigation and cleaning and how to switch out the IV and medication bags when an infection in the lower back had forced him onto powerful antibiotics. She’d been overwhelmed and exhausted but had never shown it; never losing her patience or her temper with him and never reacting when his own -triggered by pain and frustration and vulnerability- kicked off.
Months of her constant presence, reassurance and steadfast care had opened his eyes to who his wife TRULY is; an incredibly strong and resilient woman that has been through hell and back -a number of times- but never lets the situation break her. Always positive and upbeat; gracing him with smiles or ruffles of his hair or kisses to his cheek and words of praise and encouragement. It had given him a new appreciation and respect for her; how easy she made it look while caring for him and keeping a home running and taking care of his children. Even now he remains in awe of her; the amount of determination and love that can exist in someone so small. And if it taught them both anything, it’s that they truly ARE a team; relying on one another in many different ways. What could have destroyed other couples only served to make them stronger. That foundation built upon a unique and powerful bond and formed through a complicated and dangerous situation never crumbling; holding them up with everything around them seemed to want to break them down. Everything became more solid; their marriage, their roles are parents, their friendship. And they’ve discovered they loved each other even more than they ever realized; a love so complete and whole and all consuming.
Now it’s his turn; shove all of his issues and his demons and monsters aside to take care of her. It’s the one thing he’s always been both good at, and consistent with; shelving all of his problems in order to focus on hers. It’s two fold. A chance to show her just how loved and appreciated and adored she actually is; a way of proving just how grateful he is for everything she’s done -for him AND their family- throughout the past twelve and a half years. And it keeps both his body and his mind busy; making her his number priority an effective way to battle back against his demons. But He realizes he can’t do it alone; the old adage of ‘it takes a village’ proving true. Seven kids in the house means a lot of noise and a lot of activity. Not the ideal setting and atmosphere for someone that is both mentally AND physically exhausted.
While Desi had been the obvious choice on who to seek out, it had taken Tyler nearly a half an hour to convince himself to make the call; feeling guilty for yet again turning to their neighbour to lend a hand. It’s primarily an ego issue; feeling like ‘less of a man’ for not only needing help, but outwardly admitting it and lowering his guard enough to ask for it. Esme would blame it on the toxic masculinity that still lingers deep inside; the ghost of his father telling him he should be dealing everything on his own and that not being able to is a sign of both cowardice and weakness. It remains a struggle at times; breaking away from that train of thought and reminding himself that everything his old man had taught him -or attempted to- had been unhealthy and toxic and nothing but complete bullshit. And Desi is like family; always stepping up when either of them have needed him. A loyal confidant and steadfast supporter, he’d easily and effortlessly blended with large broods; enjoying the time spent under their crazy and chaotic roof and giving the kids the kind of uncle they deserve. And while it normally takes Tyler months or even years to trust someone when it comes to his personal life and the safety and the well being of his family, with Desi it has come fairly easily. That laid back and enormously generous personality and the gentle and compassionate way he treats Esme and the kids had triggered Tyler’s instincts. Letting him know that the man was trustworthy and reliable and in no way a threat.
“Anytime,” Desi says, as he finishes with the laces on Takota’s boots and turns to help Brooklyn, allowing her to attempt the tying and only stepping in which she gets frustrated and gives up. “You know I’m here for you guys. Always.”
Tyler slips a purple and pink knitted beanie onto Addie’s head. “Seem to rely on you an awful lot.”
“It’s what friends do, right? Help each other out when they need it. They step up. Lend a hand. No one can go through life alone. No one.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to tell me that thirteen years ago. I was pretty sure that’s how I’d live out the rest of my life. And die.”
“Were you happy though? Living like that? All by your lonesome? Out there in the middle of nowhere?”
“I had company.”
“A dog and a chicken are NOT company,” Desi informs him. “Not by a long shot.”
“Dogs are man’s best friend, aren’t they? And it was a pretty smart chicken.”
“You can’t tell me you were happy like that. Living way out there, alone, no one to talk to. No one is happy living like that.”
“In all fairness, ninety percent of the time I was too out of it to be carrying on conversations.”
It feels like a lifetime ago; that rundown shack in the middle of the outback, surrounded by nothing but the sparse trees and dry earth and looming mountain ranges. It had seemed like the perfect place to let his wounds fester and his addictions take hold; no one trying to dictate what he could and couldn’t do, no attempts at trying to talk him into rehab or counselling, far enough out that not even Koen or Rata made it a habit of stopping by unannounced. Out there he’d been surrounded by nothing but emptiness; a perfect match for the gaping hole in his chest where his heart had once been. A punishment of sorts. Nothing but the mistakes of the past and his overwhelming grief and guilt to keep him warm at night. Out there he could let the demons run rampant; drinking himself into oblivion and abusing Oxy at an alarming rate. His last coherent thought before passing out would always be the same; that the substances he’d put in his body would be enough to ensure he didn’t wake up the next day. But he always did; usually coming to in the middle of the warped and dusty floor or sitting at the kitchen table. Surrounded by empty bottles of booze and tipped over vials of pills and crippled by a brutal hangover; the headache and nausea and the dizziness so intense he’d have to crawl to the bathroom.
When it became apparent that the mix of alcohol and painkillers weren’t enough to do the trick, he began taking the most risky and dangerous jobs possible. By that time, he was fully engrossed in his death wish; too chicken to pull the trigger himself so instead relying on someone else to do it for him. Every time he went out, he’d all but pleaded to a higher power that it would be his last. Resorting to begging and pleading with whatever -or whoever- was watching his ass to take break; take their eyes off him or shirk their duties long enough for him to catch a bullet to the head. Yet it never happened. No matter how many times he’d spun that barrel and taken the risk, he always lived to see another day. Which in turn had only made his desperation even more intense; feeding into that grief and the sorrow that threatened to drown him yet never took him right under. That day on the cliff when he’d plunged into the water below, there’d been nothing stopping him from giving up; the weight of his regret and self loathing enough to keep him below the surface and allow his air to slowly run out. He hadn’t been afraid. He’d been ready to die for a long time.
Yet something had told him to keep going. A little voice hanging onto a thread of hope; louder than those attempting to destroy him. And when he’d pulled himself out of the water, he’d found he suddenly felt lighter; as if some of the burdens and past mistakes had temporarily lifted and been replaced by the first shred of contentment he’d experienced in a hell of a long time. Less than forty minutes later, he’d be watching Esme as she climbed up onto his porch. Studying her as she crouched down and showered his dog with attention. Finding himself both curious and intrigued about the unknown, tattooed and pierced dark haired beauty that had suddenly shown up in his life.
“You gotta admit, that kind of existence IS lonely,” Desi says, as he opens the front door and motions for the three littles to step through. “All alone? Out in a place like THAT? I’ve been there, remember. I’ve seen what it’s like. It’s desolate and it’s isolating and…”
“And it’s what I wanted at the time.’
Desi cocks an eyebrow, then steps out onto the front porch. “What you wanted? Or what you thought you deserved?”
A smirk tugs at the corner of Tyler’s mouth, and he stands on the threshold with a palm flat against the door, effectively holding it open. “What seemed right at the time.”
“Were you? Lonely?”
“Never gave it much thought, to be honest. But in all fairness, most of my days were spent drunk and high off my ass, so…”
“You never once wished that you had someone around? Someone to talk to? Spend time with? Get...you know...PERSONAL with.”
“If I wanted that, I could get it. Easily. There was no shortage of that, believe me.”
“You never wanted more than that? I mean, there’s more to life than THAT. What about bonding with someone? Yeah, sex is great, but what about everything else? Companionship. Friendship. Someone to come home to at the end of the day or however long you were gone for some times. Someone that’s just...THERE...you know?”
“I was a fucking mess. Way worse than you could even begin to imagine. Why would I bring someone into that? Why would I do that to someone? Ruin their life like that? They get with me, everything’s great for a while, then they discover just how messed up I am and take off. What would be the point? Bringing someone into that? That’s just wasting their time.”
“Was it about them or you? Not wanting to get involved with someone.”
Arching an eyebrow, Tyler leans against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seems like maybe you were using all that as excuses. To protect yourself. That maybe you were scared to get too attached. Just in case they DID decide it was too much and run off.”
A slow grin tugs at his lips. “ You’re starting to sound an awful lot like Esme. You’re getting into the psychoanalyzing business too, huh?”
“I’m just saying that maybe it ran deeper than worrying about other peoples’ feelings. Maybe you were worried about your own too.”
“I was dead inside, Des. I wasn’t feeling a damn thing.”
“Except for shame and guilt and regret. And a whole hell of a lot of self loathing.”
“You really ARE spending too much with my wife.”
“I just think it makes sense. You protecting yourself too. But not willing to admit it. At least not out loud. Wouldn’t it have been worth giving it a shot? Finding someone? Seeing if they could put up with everything?”
“I was an alcoholic mercenary with a drug addiction and a death wish. Who would put up with that?”
“Esme, for one.”
“Esme is an entirely different breed all her own. I highly doubt there’s many out there like her. That would willingly hook up with a fucking train wreck and put up with everything I’ve put her through. That I KEEP putting her through.”
“You know, you’re not as bad as you think you are. Do you have some issues? Yeah. But shit, we all do. We’re all a mess. In one way or another. You might be a little messier than most, but…”
“A little? That’s being awfully nice about it.”
“Look, she sticks around, doesn’t she? She’s still here. Twelve and half years later. You really think if things were THAT bad she wouldn’t have hauled ass a long time ago? Didn’t y’all split up for a while?”
“Six months,” Tyler confirms.
“And yet you got back together. She wanted things to work out. Not like she kicked your ass to the curb and hooked up with some other guy. You guys fixed your shit, made things better. She wouldn’t have taken you back if you were that bad. She wouldn’t have put herself or the kids through that.”
“Still a lot for one person to deal with. We’ve been through a lot shit. Way too much, actually.”
“Shit that would have broken weaker people,” Desi points out. “Both of you...separately... are strong as hell. But the two of you together? That’s a force to be reckoned with. And maybe she is a different breed of woman. Maybe it was the way she was raised that made her the way she is. Or the way she WASN’T raised. But let me tell you, she is a tough little thing. Feisty as all hell.”
“Totally a study in contradiction. You see that little body and that cute face and you think she’s all innocent and sweet and the next thing you know…”
“You’re married to her and seven kids?” Desi grins.
“I was going to say the next thing you know, she’s telling you where to go and how to get there and putting you in your place. Totally not what I expected, that’s for sure. Woman that size to be such a challenge. And so fucking bossy. If you heard half the shit that comes out of her mouth…”
“She keeps you on your toes. Challenges you. She’s definitely no push over. Which leads right back to my point. If you were as bad as you think you are, do you really think a woman like her would stick around? Hell no. She’d tell you off and pack her shit and take off. There’s no if’s, end’s, or butt’s about that. You brought that much shit and pain into her life? Things would have never gotten this far.”
“You know, you make a little TOO much sense.”
“I just tell ‘em like I see ‘em. You’re not the massive prick you think you are. Maybe a little bit of one…”
Tyler smirks.
“She showed up right when she was supposed to. That day at your place. Think of all the things in both your pasts that had to go wrong for you two to cross paths. If even just one of things went right, you probably never would have laid eyes on her. And that would have been a damn shame.”
“Yeah,” he nods slowly, considering his friend’s words. “It would have been.”
“The right woman came along at the right time. If your heart and your head didn’t think so, you wouldn’t be where you are now. You wouldn’t have the life you do. Hell, you probably wouldn’t have a life at all.”
“I’d be dead. If Esme hadn’t come along. I don’t doubt that for a second.”
“Daddy!” Addie clomps up the front walk and climbs the porch stairs; abandoning the task of helping her siblings build a messy fort of wet snow. And she wraps both arms around one of his thighs and leans her slight, tiny body into him. “Do we REALLY have to go out?”
“It’s just for a few hours.” He scoops her up into his arms and settles her on his hip. “ Go get some lunch, go see a movie, stop at the candy store. Doesn’t that sound like fun? A day out with Des? You always love your days out with Des.”
“It does sound like fun and I DO love going out with Desi, but…” she curls both arms around his neck and nestles her face against the side of his throat. “...I want to stay with you and mummy. She was gone this morning. And it scared me. That she wasn’t here to do our thing.”
“Well tomorrow you can do your thing. Sometimes OTHER things come up. Can’t help that.”
“And I only got to spend a little bit of time with her because she’s been sleeping a LONG time!”
“She’s only been sleeping an hour. Didn’t you spend some time with her? Didn't you take a bath with her? In the big tub?”
“Yeah, but…”
“I need you to cooperate, okay? Mummy needs some rest. And she can’t really get that with all you guys in the house. Right now, she needs to sleep and when she wakes up, I need to be able to take care of her. And if I’ve got all you guys to take care of, I can’t really do that, can I?”
“Is she sick?”
“She’s a little under the weather.”
“Like a cough due to cold?”
“Nothing like that. She’s just feeling a little rundown. Nothing some quiet time won’t help. So you think you can do me a solid? Go out with a Desi for a bit?”
Addie sighs heavily. “I guess…”
“We’ll have a great time,” Desi promises. “We always do. Mommy and daddy need some time alone. It happens. They’ve got some stuff to take care of.”
Addie reaches for him; allowing herself to pass from one set of arms to another. “Like making a baby?”
“No one is making any babies,” Tyler informs. “Not in this house anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Because our days of making babies are long gone. The shop is closed. All done. That’s it.”
“One more wouldn’t be so bad,” Addie reasons. “Another sister.”
“One more WOULD be bad. And a shock because neither mummy or I can have more babies. Now…” laying a hand on the back of her head, he leans in to press a kiss to the tip of her nose. “....be good. I don’t want any bad reports when Desi gets back.”
“Why you telling me? I’m always good.”
Tyler stares pointedly at his daughter.
“Well, ALMOST always.”
“Remember what I said. No taking off. You stay with Desi. Or with TJ. Got it?”
Addie gives a thumbs up. “Got it!”
“Have fun. And don’t worry about mummy. She’s fine, I’ll take care of her. I promise.”
“You better,” the five year old warns. “‘Cause that’s my mummy and if anything happens to her…”
“Your mummy is in good hands,” Tyler promises. “Daddy knows what he's doing. I’m not some rookie, you know.”
“You be nice to mummy,” Addie orders. “No arguing and no making her cry and no making fun of how tiny she is.”
“You’re kidding me, right? That’s my go to. Making fun of her height.”
“Speaking as a short person, it’s NOT funny. At all.”
“I wonder how funny it will be when I DO pick you and your mum up and put you in my pockets.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Addie’s eyes narrow as she glares at him.
“Don’t give me that look,” He pecks her pouted lips. “You and your mumma both know everything I say, I say because I love you guys. Can I help it that you’re both so tiny and cute?”
“Can we help it that you’re so big and have humongous feet and ears?” Addie counters.
“Ouch,” Desi chuckles. “Savage.”
“She gets that from her mumma. Little, but so full of rage.” He digs his fingers into his daughter’s side, tickling her until the pout turns into a smile and she begins to giggle. “Do I need to remind you that you got my ears? And my feet? You all do.”
“Poor us,” Addie quips, and then squeals and giggles even louder when he brushes his beard against her cheeks.
“I love you,” he says, and presses a kiss to the freckled bridge of his daughter's nose. “Be good, okay? I’m counting on you here.”
“I got this!” She flashes two thumbs up over Desi’s shoulder as he carries her down the stairs. “See you later, alligator!”
“In a while crocodile,” Tyler responds.
“Blow a kiss, goldfish!”
“Bye-bye butterfly.”
“Toodle-loo kangaroo!”
Tyler shoots her a wink and then steps out onto the front porch. Hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie as he watches Desi herd the noisy and excited and noisy bunch out the front gate and then down the slush covered sidewalk. Waiting until they disappear around the corner before heading back into the house.
*****
The shower feels damn good. Hot enough to sting and to cause a new layer of perspiration to form on his skin; gathering at his temples and along his hairline and above his upper lip. The latter he swipes away with the tip of his tongue and then places his palms flat against the tile; chin tucked into his chest and his eyes closed as the water beats down on his weary body. Physically speaking, he feels great; very little pain or tightness across the small of his back, a dull yet manageable ache in his repaired shoulder, the swelling of his right knee not as not as prominent as it usually is. The latter surprises him. He’d pushed himself extremely hard during his run that morning, greatly exceeding anything he’d ever put himself on the treadmill and far beyond the limits the specialists had put on him after his second surgery. And while he knows he shouldn’t ‘test the waters’ and there’s a legitimate risk of ligament tears and dislocations, he’s never been one to play by the rules. Refusing to let anyone confine him to what’s conventionally acceptable; always wanting to prove not only the naysayers wrong, but his own mind and body. An injury he can deal with; another operation and the recovery afterwards a lot easier to bear then the damage to the ego. His physicality has always been of major importance; strength, size, speed, stamina. And he’s had a hell of a time getting back to even seventy percent of where he’d been five years ago. When Nathan had managed to get the jump on him and achieved what no other foe had ever managed: breaking his body and mind.
He refuses to dwell on it. Nothing he can do will ever erase or lessen what happened; his body forever damaged and his entire lifestyle permanently altered. Physical injuries, mental health issues, the constant toeing of the line between addiction and sobriety. And he knows things could be a lot worse; dying that day on the bridge in Dhaka and never getting his second chance. He’d been given an incredible opportunity; an absolution for the mistakes of the past and a whole new life and a bright and content future. But it hasn’t been without its own share of pain and sacrifice and suffering; every blessing coming at an exceptional cost. Ones he’d happily paid and would do so again; willingly putting his own body and sanity on the line if it means keeping his family safe and sound.
A half an hour passes; hot water tank nearly drained when he finally steps out of the shower. Body still damp when he heads into the bedroom; a towel wrapped loosely around his waist and another being used to vigorously dry his hair. Slivers of light manage to trickle through the gap in the room darkening curtains, and he uses it to his advantage; quietly navigating the spacious master suite. She’s been asleep for more than an hour now; on his side of the bed with the heavy comforter pulled up to her chin and her cheek nestled into his pillow. Normally she would have argued with him; pointing out the list of things that -in her always busy mind- needed to be done before her sister’s arrival. But her ‘meltdown’ earlier had left her emotionally exhausted and she hadn’t kicked up even the slightest bit of fuss when he suggested she take time for herself; a long soak in the tub, her favourite ‘comfort’ clothes, a well deserved nap.
It’s been twelve and a half years of sacrifice and compromise on her part; giving up her old life in favour of a new one with him, adjusting to life in a new country only to have it torn apart and be forced back home, reluctantly agreeing to his return to the job and the worry and the stress that came with it. Five pregnancies that resulted in seven amazing and beautiful children; her physical and mental health paying a steep price each time, yet never denying him the desire for a big family. And the times she’s seen him near death. Horrendous injuries inflicted upon him; those long days and nights by his side in various hospitals and eventually the arduous and painful roads to recovery. Yet she’s done it without complaint; throwing herself into caring for him and their family and consistently putting her own well being on the back burner.
Lowering himself cautiously onto the end of the bed, he once more scrubs at his hair and then tosses the towel in the direction of the laundry hamper; sighing when it misses its mark and falls heavily to the floor. While mentally weary, his body feels great; relieved to be relatively pain free and filled with an uncharacteristic optimism. The silver lining within a very dark and immense cloud. A welcome boost of confidence he hasn’t experienced in years; brave enough to consider that maybe...just maybe...the worst is now behind him. And as he studies his reflection in the mirror atop the dresser, for once he’s not finding all the faults. No anger or disgust when his fingers lightly travel over the myriad of scars that inhabit his face, no thoughts of how battered and worn down he appears. Instead he notices that his eyes seem brighter; not as haunted and empty as they’ve been since his return from Cambodia. His face has filled out; the slight weight gain making the lines that accompany aging -and a hard life lived on the edge- not seem as prominent. His chest and arms are bigger; the slightest of flexes stretching the tattoos that decorate the insides of both biceps and shoulders. The positivity is surprising; years spent living in a state of self loathing and speaking self deprecating words long ago taking their toll and reducing him to a man that didn’t give a shit about his personal appearance. As long as he maintained his strength and his quickness and his skills, that had been all that mattered; not giving a second thought to his choice of attire or the thickness of his beard or the unruliness of his hair.
He’s still not what would be considered high maintenance; the opposite of a Desi who spends more time getting ready than the average female and has closets full of insanely expensive high end clothing. Still the most comfortable in bare feet and board shorts; jeans and a simple t-shirt considered ‘dressing up’ in his world. It’s an effortless existence; relaxed and content and low key. And it’s one the entire family -aside from a very ‘girly’ Addie- has adopted. Happy and secure; tucked away at the end of that dead end street and surrounded by nature and the smells and the sounds of the ocean. Their own slice of paradise; hard work, resilience, and a hell of a lot of money turning what had once been a modest residence into their dream home. It will be their ‘happily after after’; the place where they’ll raise their children, spoil their grandkids, and grow old and grey together. And for once, he’s confident that will happen. That they’ll get those moments Esme often speaks wistfully about. When their home is empty and it’s just the two of them; quiet breakfasts on the back deck and dinners down by the water. When there’s more grey in their hair and wrinkles on their faces, yet they still walk along the beach hand in hand or with their arms wrapped around each other; indulging in their bantering and their teasing and stopping to steal kisses in the surf.
And still giving her piggy back rides back to the house.
He feels the mattress shift slightly, and he watches her reflection through the mirror as she adjusts her position in bed. Rolling over onto her back and stretching languorously; a long, content sigh escaping her lips and the heels of her palms pressing into her eyes. When she props herself onto her elbows and looks at him, her hair is disheveled and her eyes are slightly narrowed; a pout of confusion and disorientation capturing her lips.
“Tyler?”
“Yeah?”
“What time is it?”
“Almost one.”
The pout transforms into a frown. “In the afternoon?”
“No. Morning.”
“Smart ass,” she grumbles, and then flops down onto her back. A foot kicks off the heavy comforter in favour of coming in contact with his back; toes slowly brushing along the top edge of the towel. “What are you doing?”
“I was in the shower. Didn’t get a chance to do it when I got home from my run. With everything that happened and you leaving and having to take care of the kids....” his voice trails off. It’s the last thing he wants to revisit. His panic attack in the kitchen, the way his oldest son had sensed the urgency and the stress and stepped up to the plate to care for his little sister, the worry that his wife either wouldn’t return or would walk through the door and tell him that it was over. That he was just too much for her to bear; a heavy and troublesome burden weighing her down.
“Why’s it so quiet?” she asks, and he’s thankful for the change in conversation. “What happened? Did they get a little too feral? Get on your last nerve so you tranquilized all of them?”
“I sold them all. On the black market.”
“I hope you got a good price for them,” she chides, and trails the tip of her big toe along his spine. “I put a lot of work into those kids. Not to mention what my body went through. I think that’s worth a good penny, don’t you? Doesn’t it deserve compensation? My body going to absolute shit?”
“Your body is amazing. It was incredible when we met, and it’s even more incredible now.”
“You really are the most biased husband on earth. My ass is bigger. My hips are wider.”
“You’ve had babies. MY babies.”
“Yeah, I have,” she smiles, and once more props herself up on her elbows. “Only guy in the universe I’d ever give that many spawn too.”
He grins at her through the mirror. “I’m honoured.”
“You should be,” she playfully retorts. “You’re naked under that towel, aren’t you.”
“Well considering I just got out of the shower and I don’t wear board shorts or underwear when I’m in there…”
“Honey, as incredible as your body is and I could lie here all day admiring it, I’m going to need you to put some clothes on. It’s far too tempting to engage in X rated activity when you’re naked. Or next to naked.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing. X rated activities. With me.”
“Normally it’s not. But I think I’m PMSing.” That dramatic, adorable pout again. “ I’ve got wicked cramps and I’m feeling bloated as fuck and you know my hesitancy on having sex when all of that is going on. I know it doesn’t faze you and as much as orgasms DO help, it’s just not my jam.”
“Say no more.” Sighing, he gets to his feet; grateful that the normally bone deep pain that resides in his right knee has settled into nothing more than a dull, manageable ache. And he grabs a pair of discarded jeans slung over the back of the chair by the balcony door; releasing the towel from around his waist and tossing it in the direction of the laundry hamper.
“Now that’s just evil,” Esme declares. “You are a bad, bad, BAD man.”
He smirks at her through the mirror. “Why’s that?”
“Don’t play innocent with me. You know exactly what you’re doing. Just dropping the towel like that. That’s so, so, SO mean.”
“Gotta give you something to stare at, yeah?”
“I prefer to call it admiring. And I have done a lot of admiring over the last twelve and half years. You never disappoint, husband.”
“I aim to please.”
“And do you ever hit your mark. Each and every time.”
Grinning, he tugs the jeans up over his hips and ass and tends to the button and zipper; pushing a hand through his damp hair as he approaches the side of the bed. “Move.”
“I like this spot. It’s YOUR spot. It’s got all your grooves in it. It’s comfortable.”
“Yeah, but it’s MY spot. And you know how anal I am about my spot. So haul ass. Please.”
“Grump face,” she mutters, but wriggles her way backward across the bed; rolling onto her hip as he joins her; sliding under the comforter and laying on his side facing her.
“Come here…” Reaching out, he curls an arm around her petite frame and pulls her into him. Hand resting in the middle of her back as his other arm slips under her shoulder; thigh wedging between her legs.. “...I’ll make you feel better, baby. In a non X rated way.”
“You’re so selfless.” She presses her body against his; a hand pushing through his hair and her head tucking under his chin. Eyes closing and a long, content sigh escaping her as she breathes in his familiar scent. Clean and crisp; notes of sandalwood and citrus. “So generous. Where ARE the kids?”
“Desi took them out. Lunch and a movie. Candy bar afterwards.”
“He just offered or....?”
“I called him. Told him you were having a rough day. That I needed some time and some space and some quiet. To take care of my girl.”
A smile plays on her lips as she pulls back to look at him. “Your girl, huh?”
“That’s what you are, aren’t ya? Or would I rather I call you my old lady?”
“I would definitely NOT rather that. I like it; being called your girl. It’s cute. I like the sound of it.”
He presses a kiss to the bridge of her nose. Palm sliding up her back, across her shoulder and then gently cupping the side of her face ; thumb repeatedly brushing against the top of her cheek.
She likes these moments with him. Quiet and content; bodies pressed together in a pure and innocent form of intimacy. The way his gaze never wavers ; as if he's intently studying every inch of her features and committing them to memory. Love and adoration written as plain as day upon his face; the softness of his expression, the gentle touch of a callused palm and fingertips, the tender smile that plays on his lips. A beautiful man with a not so beautiful past. A childhood filled with torment and abuse and anguish and tremendous loss, followed by years of substance abuse and a life lived on the edge; hounded by immense grief and guilt and regret and anxious for death to claim him. It’s no surprise that he has the issues he does; no one can go through a lifetime of trauma and come out of it unscathed. But it’s a shock he isn’t worse than he is. Still filled with so much strength; resilient and brave and never backing down from even the biggest of challenges. Loving and compassionate and sensitive. A striking juxtaposition considering his choice of career. A hardened and highly skilled mercenary that kills as a means to an end, not because he enjoys it.
“So you actually CALLED Desi?” she inquires. “For help? That’s a little...out of character.”
“Didn’t have much of a choice. Your sister won’t be here until later and I wasn’t waiting that long. So I got a hold of him and asked him to do me a favour. If he could take the kids so I could concentrate on you. That’s kind of hard to do when there’s seven plus one under the same roof.”
“That’s HUGE for you. You didn’t just acknowledge and admit you needed help, you actually ACTED on it.”
“What’s so huge about that? I’ve asked for help before.”
“You’ve asked ME for help before. Never someone else. That’s not you, Tyler. You’d rather wear yourself thin or completely burn yourself out than rely on other people.”
“It’s one of my issues,” he admits. “For many reasons. But you know how I always say there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you?”
Esme nods.
“That includes swallowing my pride and asking for help.”
“You doing THAT? THAT’S love right there. And probably some lust, too.”
“There’s a little bit of that in there too,” he teases, and then places a soft, lingering kiss on her lips. Their eyes closing when the tip of his nose comes to rest against her forehead; hand slipping from her cheek and finding the back of her neck, fingers gently and deftly massaging the tense muscles.
For several minutes neither of them speak; basking in the silence and the warmth that radiates from one another's bodies; his slow, even breaths ruffling her hair, hers tickling his bare neck. These moments are rare; the chaos of raising seven children and their respective work schedules and responsibilities. Both are looking forward to her being home more. The opportunity to actually be alone; walks on the beach or time in the water, hikes in the woods or strolls through town. And the road trips. Needing nothing more than gas in the tank and money in their pockets.
*****
“Feeling any better?” Tyler asks, and slips his hand up into her hair; fingertips gently kneading the scalp.
“A little. Have a headache though. Not sure if it’s PMS or my moods or my meltdown earlier. But it’s a bitch. A mean, old bitch.”
He pulls away. Hand moving to the top of her head and fingers pressing on her well known problem areas; along the tops of both brows, the inside corners of her eyes, the bridge of her nose. Attempting to alleviate at least some of the pain and pressure. “Good?” he asks, when she reaches up to push her fingers through his; drawing their joined hands down to her lips and pressing a kiss to the side of his wrist.
She nods, a smile curving her lips. “Good. You and your magic fingers. They certainly know their stuff. In many ways.”
“They have a talent all of their own.”
“They certainly do. MANY talents, actually. Are YOU feeling better?”
“Not bad. My body feels pretty good. Thought maybe I’d be in agony after my run, but…”
“You pushed yourself, didn’t you. HARD. Harder than you’re supposed to.”
“Come on now. Would I actually do something like that? Not listen to the doctor’s orders?”
“You most certainly would. And you definitely have. Be careful, Tyler. Don’t push the limits too much, okay? I realize you know your own body, but you don’t always listen to it. I don’t want you hurting yourself. Screwing something up and needing surgery. AGAIN.”
“I won’t go too hard,” he promises, and pecks her lips. “But right now? I’m taking care of YOU. Not the other way around. You’ve spent a lot of time looking after me. Worrying about me. Probably too much.”
“It’s not like it’s a job or something like that. You’re my husband. I love you. That’s why I do it.”
“And I love you. Which is why I need to step up and take care of you. Don’t be so stubborn, Me. Let me look after you. We’re a team, yeah? We’re supposed to be in this together? Let me pick up some of the slack.”
“It’s a bad habit of mine. Doing everything myself. I mean, in high school I was the one that got saddled with all the work during group projects. My classmates would fuck around and I’d be stuck having to do it all by my lonesome.”
“Well you don’t have to do this by your lonesome. It’s a two way street, right? You and me against the world?”
Nodding, she presses a kiss to his chin, then his lips. “You’re a good husband. I think I’ll keep you.”
“Good. Because I think I’ll stick around. I kinda like it here.”
Smiling, she lays a hand on the side of his face. Her fingers press through his beard; nails lightly scraping along his jaw. “Do you think we could talk?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing? You already said no naked time, so…”
“I mean a serious talk. Piggybacking off what happened this morning. More specifically, what happened with ME this morning. And WHY it happened.”
“I thought we already talked about it. When you got back. Didn’t realize there was anything more to say. You’re going through some shit. Depression. Probably PTSD. You got a lot of stress. And probably most of that can be blamed on me.”
“I’m not blaming anything on you. I never have. I never will. My brain was screwed up way before you ever came along.”
“I’m sure I made it worse. I’ve put you through a lot of crap. Twelve and a half years of it.”
“We are not doing this. YOU are not doing this. That’s all water under the bridge, Tyler. Things we went through and dealt with. It’s behind us. Can we leave it there? Can YOU? Because it’s not doing you any good; holding onto so much guilt and regret. I don’t want you doing that. That’s the last thing I want, actually.”
“It’s kind of hard NOT to do it. To think back on it all and not see how badly i’ve fucked up.”
“It was all beyond your control. Things went bad. That’s all there is to really say about it. Things went to shit and you reacted badly to them and you made some pretty crappy judgement calls. But we got past all of that. I don’t hold grudges against you. I don’t hate you. Or blame you for anything. It’s time you stop blaming yourself, okay?”
“You know me. I’m willing to try anything once. Except for maybe eating ass. That’s a little too far out of my comfort zone.”
“Well lucky for you, it’s WAY out of mine. But can we? Have a serious talk? Without it turning into a fight? I don’t want to fight with you. We’ve come a long way since those days; everything turning into a big blow out.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, either. But if it’s something THAT serious…”
“I mean, it’s serious but not THAT serious. It’s not life or death or anything. It’s just...I don’t know…” her fingers nervously fidget with the chain around his neck. “...it’s a pretty big deal.”
“Is it about us? Are we having problems I’m not aware of? Is there someone else?”
“No! Oh my god, no. Nothing like that. Other than dealing with our own mental stuff, we are fine. We are MORE than fine. And there isn’t anyone else. There never has been. And there never will be. You’re it for me. For the rest of my life. There’s no one else I want. I could EVER want.”
Smiling, he presses a kiss to her lips.
“It’s to do with me. What’s going on in my head. What HAS been going on in there. And I need you to promise that you won’t freak out. That you won’t hear the worst of it and shut down and lose your temper and…”
He frowns. “Esme…”
“Tyler, I love you. More than you could ever possibly know. And right now, I need you to promise me that you won’t lose it. That you’ll just listen and let everything sink in. Not just hear a bit and react. Can you do that? Promise me?”
He nods. “I won’t lose my shit. Promise. What’s going on? Are you okay? Are you sick? Is there something wrong and you’ve been holding out on me?”
“I’m not sick,” she assures him. “Not physically anyway. It’s all to do with my brain. I’ve struggled for years. Long before I ever met you. And I’ve had some down moments; since we’ve been together. Especially after each of our babies. When postpartum was a real bitch to me. So it’s not like you don’t know what I deal with. In my head.”
“I’ve known for years. You told me pretty much right from the start. A couple days into Dhaka. About having depression. Being diagnosed after your dad died. And I’m pretty sure you’ve got PTSD too. After everything that went on in Bangladesh, ESPECIALLY on that bridge? You can’t say it would be a surprise. If you were diagnosed with it.”
“The furthest thing from a surprise. Now you promise? Not to freak out?”
“I already did. Can we get to it already? Because you stall any longer and my anxiety is going to go off the charts.”
Sighing, she curls a finger around his necklace and gently yanks him into a kiss. Lips lingering on his before finally pulling away. “I lied to you. About a year ago,”
“About…?”
“Do you remember when you were in Brazil? For a couple weeks? The whole drug cartel thing?”
He nods. “What about it?”
“Remember how when you came back, I mentioned a girls weekend. In Cairns. With Riley and Shaena. And how I was worried you’d be pissed because I wanted to go on it? Because you’d been gone for two weeks and me leaving meant we’d only have a couple days together?”
“Yeah, and I was fine with it. You needed a break. I didn’t have a problem with you going. What…?”
“There was never a girls weekend,” Esme admits, and his frown intensifies; deep furrows inhabiting his brow. “We made it up. So you wouldn’t know what was really going on.”
“Babe...what…?”
“I was in the hospital. For three days. And not just any hospital. A psychiatric one.”
“A psychiatric hospital? Why? What…?”
“When you were gone, I had a really bad time. I mean, I always do when you leave. I don’t sleep, I worry constantly, I stress over everything and even little stuff gets on my nerves and drags me down. But this was worse. WAY worse. And even though I knew you were okay and that you were coming home, I still had all that dread, you know? All that worry. Constantly wondering if maybe I’d never see you again. That maybe the last time you walked out the door really WAS the last time.”
“That was an easy job. I wasn’t even out in the field. I was strictly behind the scenes. I never even left the hotel. Not until I had to go get everyone out. I told you I’d stay behind and I did.”
“I know. But I still freaked out. I was still worried. I always worry about you, you know that. And one night it was really bad. I felt like I was losing it. I hadn’t heard from you that day and you didn’t return any of my voicemails or texts and…”
“We had problems with coms. I told you that. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to you. There were legit issues.”
“And I tried telling myself that. That there were issues. But it didn’t help. And I lost it. Badly. I’m pretty sure it was actually a mental breakdown. And I called Riley because I was freaking out and I couldn’t get control of myself. I thought I was going crazy. And I told her that I felt like I was going to hurt myself.”
He blinks at her confession. “What?”
“I don’t think I actually would have done it. I think I was just feeling desperate at that moment. I don’t think…”
“You wanted to kill yourself? You wanted to die?”
“I guess. I don’t know. I was looking for a way out. An escape. And my brain wasn’t exactly in a good place and that’s where it went. Like I said, I don’t think I would have actually done anything. But I called Riley and she came over and stayed with me and the kids. Just in case.”
“What if she hadn’t been around? What if she couldn’t have come over? What if she still lived in Colorado? Would you have done it? Hurt yourself?”
“I don’t know,” she admits. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t THINK so? Esme…”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking right. I was in a really bad way, Tyler. REALLY bad. And I needed help. So I called her.”
“Why didn’t you call ME?”
“What would you have been able to do? You were in Brazil.”
“I would have come home. Right away. I would have dropped everything and had someone else be in charge. Do you really think I wouldn’t have? Come home? There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Why didn’t you call me?”
“You were so far away,” she attempts to reason. “And I needed help right away.”
“I would have talked you down. I would have gotten you through it. Why wouldn’t you get a hold of me? I’m your husband.”
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was just thinking in the moment. And getting ahold of you in Brazil wasn’t the first thing that came to my mind. It wasn’t personal. You should know that. That you’re the one person that’s always been able to help me. But you were thousands of miles away and you were busy and I didn’t want to put something else on you. Burden you.”
“Burden me? You’re my wife. You could never burden me. What the fuck, Esme? Why didn’t you at least tell me I got home? Why lie to me? Why make up this whole fucking story about a girls trip? Why…?”
“I didn’t want to put that on you. Especially when you had to stay with the kids. They needed you to be focused and all about them. And you wouldn’t have been able to do that if I told you. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“You didn’t want me to worry? You’re my WIFE.”
“I was trying to protect you. I’m always trying to protect you.”
“I don’t need you to protect me,” Tyler argues. “I’m not a fucking child, Esme. I’m a grown ass man. I don’t need you coddling me and babying me and protecting me. I would have stepped up and took care of you. That should have been on me. Not your sister. Not Shaena. Not anyone else. Me.”
“I needed you to take care of the kids. You’d been gone for two weeks and they missed you and I didn’t want them to be without BOTH parents. It’s not personal. I didn’t make the decisions I did to hurt you. I made them to help you. To help our family.”
“How much help would it have been if I’d come home and you were dead on the floor? How much help would it have been if one of our kids had found you? Do you know how bad that would have fucked them up? Losing their mother like that? Do you know how bad it would have fucked ME up?”
“I wasn’t thinking of those things. I wasn’t thinking about anything. That’s the problem. All I wanted was an escape. That’s it.”
“An escape from what? Your shitty life with your shitty husband?”
“No!” She clasps his face in her hands. “I love my life. And my husband. You know what depression is like. It doesn’t care where you live or what you have or how many people love you. It’s all in your head. It’s a fucking monster you can’t escape from. You know EXACTLY what it’s like. I never meant…” her voice cracks with emotion. “...I never meant to hurt you. I would NEVER hurt you. I thought I was protecting you. And I know you say you don’t need me to. And maybe you don’t. But I do it because I love you. Because I want to make things easier on you. That’s all. It’s not to hurt you, Tyler.”
“You can’t try and convince me I’m not broken when you treat me like I am.”
She frantically grabs at the chain around his neck with one hand, his shoulder with the other. “That’s not what I was doing. You AREN’T broken. I don’t treat you like you are.”
“You are when you do shit like that. When you lie to me. Especially about something like this.”
“I’ve never lied to you. About anything. I’ve always been honest. About my childhood, about what Mark put me through, about…”
“What about the guy?”
“What guy? What…?”
“The one you went out with. When we were separated. Took you years to tell me about him.”
She frowns. “There was nothing to tell you. He was just some single dad I met at daycare pick up. That’s it. It was nothing important. Just some guy.”
“That you went out with. While we were still married.”
“Have you been just waiting to throw that in my face? Have you been holding onto that all this time? Just looking for the opportunity to hold that over my head? Why would you…?”
“I was faithful to you. Whether we were going to work shit or not. I wasn’t looking for someone else. I didn’t want another woman. And I could have had one. I could have had tons of them. It wasn’t for lack of opportunity, believe me.”
“Then why didn’t you do it? If you had so many chances. Why didn’t you take any of them?”
“Because I wanted my wife. I didn’t want anyone else. You, Just you.”
“And I wanted you! But you were a fucking mess and I was hurt because you weren’t fighting for me. For your family. So yeah, I went out on a date. Because someone showed interest in me and made me feel special and beautiful and wanted. Because I was hurt and I wanted you to hurt just as much as I was. I was so pissed at you. For not getting your shit together and coming home and fighting for us. So I went out on a date. And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the attention."
“Did you fuck him?”
“No. I told you what happened. I told you he tried and I turned him down. I told him that I couldn’t do it because I was still in love with my husband. That I was still hoping we could work things out. That’s the truth. And that’s how I got that black eye. Because he didn’t handle the rejection so well. That’s the truth. All of it. I never slept with him. I’ve ever been with anyone but you. For the last twelve and a half years. Just you.”
He nods slowly, letting her words sink in.
“Tyler…” her nails dig into the back of his neck. “...don’t do this...don’t shut me out. Please don’t do that. I don’t want you to do that.”
“What do you want me to say? What…?”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to lie to you. I…” tears flow freely down her face. “...I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry.”
“Come here,” he gently orders, and pushing a hand through her hair, settles it on her back and pulls her into him. “It’s okay, Me. Everything’s okay.”
“I didn’t mean to lie to you. Not about the guy and not about the girls weekend. I was just trying to protect you. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know you weren’t.” Pressing a kiss to her temple, he rolls over onto his back; both arms wrapping around her and pulling her with him. “And I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have brought that shit up. I haven’t been holding onto it. Or waiting to use it again. I reacted. Badly. And when I do, nothing is off limits. I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to say that shit.”
“It’s okay,” she sniffles, and curls her arms around his neck. “I know how you get. When you hear things you don’t like. But for the record? This is what I meant when I made you promise not to lose it.”
“I am so fucking sorry. I’m an asshole. A huge asshole.”
“No. You’re not. You just have no chill sometimes. I’m used to it. Or fairly used to it, anyway.”
“I never should have said what I did. About the guy you went out with. You had every right to. Go on a date. I wasn’t exactly stepping up. I just lost it. Hearing about you wanting to hurt herself and how you spent time in psychiatric hospital. Kinda kicked me in the nuts, ya know?”
“I was going to tell you,” she says, chin resting on his chest as she looks up at him. “When I got home. But I was feeling so much better and you and the kids were so happy to see me. I didn’t want to ruin that. And then we got on with life and there never seemed to be a good time. So I kept it to myself. It wasn’t to intentionally hurt you., I’d NEVER do that.”
He presses a kiss to her forehead. “I know you wouldn’t.”
“And I don’t mean to treat you like you’re broken. Because you’re not. A little bent, maybe…”
He manages a laugh. “I’ve been put through the ringer a few times. Got a little too many miles on me. Quite the collection of dents and scars going on.”
“They’re beautiful. Every single one of them.” Wriggling further up the bed, she pushes a hand through his hair; tightly gripping the longer locks as she pecks the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry, Tyler. That I lied to you. I had good intentions. I really did.”
“You always do.” He curls an arm around her neck and kisses her. Long and soft and sweet; tasting the salty tears that linger across her top lip. “It’s okay, Me. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” He tangles his fingers in her hair, gently pushing her head back down onto his chest. “ Has it happened again? Feeling the way you did? Have you wanted to hurt yourself? Or worse?”
“No. I haven’t felt that way since. I’ve been depressed, but not like that.”
“And you’d tell me? If you did feel that way?”
She nods.
Sighing heavily, he places a forearm over his eyes. Lying in silence and feeling her body tremble against his; knuckles repeatedly ghosting along her spine as he attempts to get a grasp on the situation. Her mental health issues have never been a secret; she’s been on medication for years and has occasionally needed it to be tweaked. But to hear that she’d been THAT low? Considering hurting herself? Or even attempting something more permanent? It’s devastating. Feeding right into his worst fear. The thought of losing her to an event totally beyond his control. A wedge of emotion settles in his throat and tears prick his eyes; the realization of how close he’d come to losing. But he fights it off. Needing to stay strong for her. Always willing, ready, and able to put his own problems aside. Her rock and her protector.
“Tyler?” Her voice is impossibly tiny. Apprehensive. Scared.
“Yeah, babe?”
“I love you. So much. You’ll never know how much.”
Smiling, he slides his palm to the back of her neck and drops a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you too.”
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Text
You can STAY- Part Three
F/M Pairing: Y/N x Lee Felix (side pairing: Y/N x Stray Kids)
Word Count: 5.2K
Warnings: Language
Genre: Fantasy AU; Scarlet Heart AU; OT8 SKZ
Previous Parts: Part One, Part Two
Summary: Y/N has another unexpected confrontation with Prince Felix. But he’s also not her biggest problem, especially when she uncovers a potentially devastating plot that could completely unravel the royal hierarchy.
Taglist: @angelphantomlove​ @moonlightracha​ @staycarat0801 @jjabbur​ @pinkchcn​ @smolchild-lol @straykidbaby​ @moonnstars90​ @choisaemi @dru-shadow​ @skzooyeet​
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It was still early that morning when I woke-up to the sound of someone knocking on the door to my bedroom. For a moment, I was too disoriented to respond, but the sound grew louder with the force of whoever was insistent about coming inside. Finally, I gave in and walked over to answer the door with a nonchalance that I’m sure reflected my drowsiness.
“Jeongin?” I questioned, surprised to see the younger standing on the other side.
“Hi, Y/N,” he said, and it was a timid greeting as he shuffled anxiously in the doorway. 
“Did you need something?” I asked, wondering why one of the King’s sons had went out of his way to visit me in my small dungeon bedroom.
“I, uh, wanted to make sure you weren’t busy today,” Jeongin said. “I'd like to visit the market again and try to sell my paintings.”
The request took me off-guard, and I didn’t know which I was more surprised to hear: that Jeongin wanted me to accompany him, or that the King’s youngest son made trips to the market to sell his artwork like he didn’t already have enough money. “I guess I can go with you,” I said.
“It’s mostly for protection,” Jeongin said. “Cuz’ of your powers and stuff...”
I grinned at his awkward conversation because it was strangely adorable to hear him stumble over his request. “I’d love to, Jeongin,” I said. “Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you outside on the bridge.”
Jeongin nodded in agreement and I gently closed the door to prepare myself for an impromptu trip into town.
It certainly sounded like a better prospect than resigning myself to another day of medicinal experimentation - searching for the cure that would alleviate Ella’s suffering. Ever since my encounter with Chan’s wife, I had been relentlessly searching my manuals and the records kept neatly arranged in the Castle’s library. However, despite my efforts, I was no closer to finding the answers than I had been during our first meeting.
Yet, I could never give-up on something that might help someone else in need, so I maintained my confidence that I just needed to look harder. But one day out of the confines of my bedroom couldn’t possibly hurt, especially since I had experienced an excruciating headache during the previous night after spending all afternoon hunched over my desk.
I nodded in self-determination, swiping my brush through my hair one more time before I left my room, walking upstairs alone with the company of my thoughts as I tried to focus on the task at hand. If Jeongin trusted me enough for protection, then I would do my best not to disappoint him. I had worked hard to fine-tune my powers for any case that might arise while I served the royal family, and I considered my fighting skills to be an enormous source of pride.
“You should feel privileged to walk so freely without care.”
I paused at the top of the staircase at the sound of an all-too familiar voice, and I frowned when Felix came into view while wearing an arrogant smile. “Forgive me, miss,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of a proper introduction.”
“Then what do you consider our last meeting?” I asked him. “If I recall correctly, you insinuated that I would bring ruin to this Castle.”
“Of course not,” Felix said. “It was rather premature of me to base my opinion on a foolish disagreement with Seungmin.”
“I agree,” I said, keeping my tone neutral as I watched him come even closer. “Do you not believe such things anymore?”
“I find you perfectly elegant, Y/N,” Felix said. “You seem to prioritize your morals above everything else, and I can sense a profound loyalty for my family despite only just arriving a few nights ago.”
“Not so much your family,” I corrected him. “I serve the kingdom, and that means honoring those who lead it.”
“How righteous,” Felix said. “Consider me impressed by your character.”
“I wish I could the say the same,” I said, and I was pleased when Felix’s smile vanished.
“Have I done something to offend you?” Felix asked. “I apologized for my actions. Please don’t tell me that you intend to hold a grudge?”
“Consider it more of a casual suspicion,” I said, watching his green eyes narrow. “I’ve learned a lot about you since my arrival.”
“Is that so?” Felix asked, and I could tell that he was not appreciative of my comment.
I nodded as I remembered my conversation with Chan on the same afternoon when I met his wife - how he willingly opened up to me about his red-haired brother in exchange for a tentative promise to help his wife.
“I know that you aren’t wanted here,” I said. “I was told that your own mother tried to kill you when you were merely a child.”
“Where did you hear this?” Felix asked, but his tone wasn’t angry like I had been expecting; instead, he seemed unusually morose while he looked at me with sad green eyes.
“Does it matter?” I asked him. “How else should I look upon someone whose own father hated him so much that he sent him away to another kingdom?”
My words triggered a brief silence between us, and it seemed like they had a great affect on Felix, but I was still stunned when he reached out to grab my wrist - directing my hand over his heart. “Do you feel that?” he asked, and I slowly nodded. “I’m human, Y/N,” he continued. “This opinion you have of me matters because it’s made you forget that I’m flesh and blood like you. And I expected someone with your moral integrity to know better than to treat an equal as lesser, or to believe nasty rumors without understanding the whole story.”
I could feel my mouth fall open in shock, and I looked at Felix for the first time without a single ounce of judgment. But I still couldn’t help but remain stuck on one word in particular: “Equal,” I repeated.
“Do you not consider that accurate?” Felix asked. “As far as I’m concerned, we both live and breath and share the same experiences. And to address your other offense against me, I’d like you to understand that my mother is a wicked woman who has always favored her eldest son. She held him to the utmost regard while I was nothing but a mistake that she always regretted...Yes, my mother did try to kill me, but it wasn’t out of a sense of righteousness to rid this world of a perceived evil. And when she wasn’t successful, she gave me this scar that I hide from the rest of the world.”
I swallowed hard when Felix removed the black mask obscuring the left side of his face to reveal a diagonal line of jagged edges. “In actuality, she would’ve done anything to ensure that Chan had no competition to stand in his way of the throne. But look at how well that worked out for them both. Chan decided to marry a peasant girl and defy our father, and he deserves his lowered status because he needs to finally understand that his actions have consequences that can last for a lifetime.”
He finished his tirade with a heavy exhale before securing his mask back into place. “Look at us, Y/N. We’ve both decreed presumptive judgments of one another, and they’re entirely inaccurate.” He then lowered his gaze when he infiltrated my personal space - far closer than what might be considered appropriate. “Forgive me for all that I’ve done that forced you to seek these lies. Perhaps in the future, we can hold a civil conversation together.”
I closed my eyes, reeling from the onslaught of his confession. “Why are so insistent on defending these perceptions, Felix?”
“Because you came here with no outside bias against me,” Felix replied. “I refuse to see these royals feed you misinformation just for you to turn against me as well.”
“I suppose it almost worked,” I said. “But I’m still confused after listening to an entirely different side.”
“It’s my side,” Felix insisted. “Seek the truth for yourself, but keep in mind that the people in this Castle are all looking out for their best interests.”
“Aren’t you doing the same?”
“Yes, but you’ll hopefully come to find that I never speak untruths,” he said. “My mother is an insane liar, and her clever tongue managed to keep Chan in this castle after his marriage, even though the king decided to deny him the opportunity to take the throne. I’ve seen her behave this way for my entire life, and I once vowed to never be anything like her.”
He finally stepped away, and I was able to inhale without restriction. His grin returned as he observed me. “Despite what you’re thinking, my return to the castle was not predicated on ill-conceived intentions. There’s no reason to doubt me, Y/N, and for the record, I’d like you to know that you’ve fascinated me from the moment I saw you at the choosing ceremony.”
His final declaration rendered me speechless, and I found myself trembling when he offered me a discreet wink before returning in the direction from which he had arrived.
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By the time the sun was at its highest point in the sky, Jeongin and I were carefully walking around the outskirts of the market - searching for the perfect place to set up his paintings. “I do this all the time,” Jeongin reassured me with a cute smile that was impossible to deny.
“Okay,” I agreed, admiring the usual bustle of the market as eager patrons searched for the best prices on the goods they required.
“Over there,” Jeongin suggested, pointing to an empty stall, and I followed him with a selection of his paintings secured under my arm. “Let’s organize them,” Jeongin said, and I carefully followed his instructions while also admiring the beautiful creations that he had crafted. 
“These are gorgeous,” I said, and he brightened at the compliment.
“Really?”
“Of course,” I said, tracing my fingertips across the texture of an oil painting. “They look so real.”
“My mother thinks it’s a waste of time,” Jeongin scoffed, gaze hardening for a moment as he stepped back to admire our efforts. 
“I think it’s creative,” I said. “It makes you stand out from the others.”
“Exactly,” Jeongin agreed. “Everyone else already has something that makes them unique, and I wanted my own thing.”
“Well, you certainly found it,” I said, pausing when I noticed an elderly woman approaching our collection.
“How much for this one?” she inquired, indicating a rather gorgeous recreation of the surrounding mountain range.
While Jeongin started negotiations, I took my time perusing the remaining pieces that he had brought with him. I could tell that he had put his heart and soul into faithful adaptations of the most random subject matter: everything from scenic portraits to little drawings of his family members. It was a fascinating dynamic to his character, and I wondered how long the prince had been painting because these looked far too advanced considering his young age.
“Are you serious!?” a hostile voice growled, interrupting my musings with a tone that alerted me to possibility of an impending confrontation.
“What’s going on?” I asked, coming to stand next to a fuming Jeongin as he glared at the man who was holding one of his paintings.
“This little brat thinks he can swindle me out of my money!” the man said. “The cost of this shit is worth more than my house!”
“Oh, I’m sure he’d reconsider the price,” I said, stepping closer when I sensed an opportunity to appease the tension.
“I won’t!” Jeongin declared. “That piece is incredibly valuable!”
“Of course, the bastard thinks that his royal blood makes everything he touches turn to gold.”
“That’s enough,” I said, lowering my tone. “You can look elsewhere if you can’t afford his price.”
“For your information, bitch, I’m looking in exactly the right place,” the man said, and I noticed him reaching for the sword secured at his side. 
I took a deep breath when I noticed that the men he had traveled with were also advancing on the two of us - raising their own weapons into the air. I narrowed my eyes and willed their swords to fly out of their hands - shocking both of his partners. “You might want to reconsider your stance,” I said to the first man, but his accompanying smirk caught me off-guard - like he wasn’t intimidated in the slightest by my magic.
“Maybe you need a lesson in manners too,” the man said, and I could barely formulate a response before I heard Jeongin shriek my name while a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I could feel the breath escape my lungs, and then there was a hand over my eyes, preventing me from seeing what was happening, and I started thrashing around in the limbs holding me hostage. “Let me gut this stupid girl first,” the man said, and I could hear Jeongin calling for help as the sharp point of a sword teased the side of my throat. 
But the man never followed through on his promise, and I only realized a moment later that he had been compromised when I fell to the ground with a grunt. My hand went to my throat because I could still feel the phantom effects of the sword’s blade, and my eyes blinked rapidly as I saw two figures standing at the front of our stall - waving their swords with impressive skill and growling out insults. Apparently, Jeongin’s call for help had actually been answered, and I was relieved to see both Prince Chan and Prince Felix warding off the opposition. 
“Your business here is done,” Felix said, appearing nothing short of intimidating with his mask and sword.
“They should be so lucky,” the first man snarled, but he knew better than to continue a fight that he was destined to lose.
I watched him walk away before I realized that Felix and Chan were both hovering over me with matching expressions of concern. “Y/N?” Chan asked with a gentle tone.
“Thank you,” I managed to respond, flushing when I noticed that both Felix and Chan had outstretched their hands for me to take. But instead of forcing myself to make that decision, I rose at my own autonomy, glaring at Felix when he chuckled.
“They might not be so lucky next time,” one of the men called back, and he must’ve still been riding the waves of adrenaline when he chanced a step back in our direction.
“Get the hell out of here,” Chan snapped at the burly man who had helped attack us, and he grumbled in complaint but obeyed nonetheless. “Y/N,” Chan repeated, shoving Felix out of the way as he came closer. “Are you okay?”
I nodded while Felix scoffed. “What the hell were the two of you doing causing trouble like that?” 
“We weren’t causing trouble,” I said, and Felix smirked.
“Good,” he said in response. “After our conversation earlier, I would hate to discover that you had lied to me, Y/N.”
Chan frowned at that - glancing between me and Felix with a curious expression. “Let’s just get everyone back to the castle,” he said, and I agreed with one last glare in Felix’s direction.
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The next morning, Anna woke me up early with a bright smile. “Good news,” she said, starting for my wardrobe. “The King has requested your presence at the tea ceremony today! They’re honoring Minho for his selection.”
I groaned around the exhaustion holding me captive. “Is this a request or a demand?”
Anna hesitated as she laid a dress across my bed. “Well, I wouldn’t ignore the King.”
“Of course,” I said, forcing myself to abandon the comforts of my mattress. “When will it take place?”
“This afternoon,” Anna said. “You should hurry and get dressed.”
I nodded quietly in easy compliance, watching Anna leave me to my own volition as I forced myself to put on the dress that she had left behind for me. It was fairly modest, but the sleeves had a very delicate lace lining them. I also spent a few moments in front of the mirror to check my appearance, which I never normally allowed, before I left my room to walk upstairs. 
It was suspiciously quiet in the corridors, and I found it strange because I remembered that the King’s wives lived in this area of the Castle. But it was pointless to assume anything, and perhaps they were already waiting at the ceremony with their sons.
However, my senses went on high alert when I heard two voices intermingling towards the end of the passage, and I pinpointed the noise coming from a single bedroom. Subsequently, I paused outside the room, glancing through the space between the door and the entryway to see Changbin and Queen Seo speaking together in low voices.
“You’ll be next to the King,” Queen Seo said, and she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she examined Changbin’s outfit. “Do you remember the plan?”
“Of course,” Changbin replied. “I shall look for the handmaiden.”
“I’ll have her deliver the tea,” Queen Seo explained. “Once Minho drinks it...” She trailed off with a maniacal grin, reaching out to adjust Changbin’s hanbok. “My son looks so handsome,” she remarked. “Like a true leader.”
Changbin sneered at her words. “He thinks that Minho could possibly do better than me?”
Queen Seo shook her head as if she couldn’t believe it either. “Don’t trouble your mind. Tonight, we shall change his perception after we kill that little bastard.”
The promise held dangerous implications, and I stumbled backwards from the door in surprise. It was my sworn duty to protect the rulers of this Castle, and I had barely given the plot any further consideration before I was returning to my quarters.
Because I would ensure Minho’s well-being, even at the cost of my own position.
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I was late to the tea ceremony as a result of my efforts, but I only received a stern reprimand from Ms. White before she escorted me to my seat next to Seungmin and Jisung. It also offered me an appropriate vantage point of Minho who I kept within my sights as everyone spoke around me with joyful tones. I had nearly forgotten that it was a celebration, and I found myself narrowing my eyes at Queen Seo and Changbin as they laughed together with the King like there was nothing wrong.
“You seem distracted.”
I slid my gaze away from Changbin - locating Seungmin as he leaned in closer to be make himself heard over the noise. “What did you say?”
“You know, Y/N,” Seungmin said, propping his chin against his hand. “I happen to like this color on you.”
I was surprised by his strangely flirtatious tone. “Excuse, me?”
But instead of replying to my query, Seungmin shot me a discreet wink and turned to Jeongin who offered his brother a friendly smile. The whole encounter was decidedly unusual, and I wondered if everyone in this Castle was startling to lose their minds.
“Don’t concern yourself with him,” Jisung said while nodding at his brother. “He’s a rare breed.”
I found myself smiling at the jest in spite of my concerns. “What can you possibly mean by that, Prince Jisung?”
“It’s his way of impressing you,” Jisung said.
“Impressing me?”
“He’s convinced himself that you only fight with him to hide your true feelings,” Jisung revealed. “Seungmin thinks you’re harboring secret affections.”
“I might’ve helped,” Hyunjin added from across the table, and I grimaced at the idea before reclining back in my chair.
“How remarkable,” I said. “He didn’t seem to like me.”
“Seungmin always acts that way around strangers,” Jisung said. “But he warms up to them eventually.”
“Don’t take it personally,” Hyunjin said. “And try not to hold it against him. He really does like you.”
“But why shouldn’t he?” a new voice contributed, and both Jisung and Hyunjin flinched when Felix suddenly entered the room - pausing at the end of the table. “Y/N is very interesting.”
I turned away from him, fanning my hand across my chest because my heart was doing something peculiar inside my chest.
The King, however, was furious. He stood and glared down at Felix with narrowed eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Why shouldn’t I come?” Felix returned. “I’d like to celebrate Minho’s ascension to the throne. It’s what a good brother should do.”
“It’s alright, father,” Minho said, and I’m sure his words were shocking to most of the people at the table. “He can sit with us.”
“Very well,” the King relented, but he never took his eyes away from Felix as he sat down next to Hyunjin. “We shall begin.”
The King’s command summoned several handmaidens who brought inside the ceremonial tea for our consumption. Because of what I had discovered earlier, I kept a close eye on the handmaiden who served Minho - it was poisoned tea, and I had taken a potion earlier that should stop its effects. Since the potion contained a powerful chemical that was effective against all the traditional poisons I had studied, everything should be fine.
But there was a small risk that the queen had chosen a poison that could defy my potion, but I doubted that she would go to such great lengths.
“In honor of my son, Minho,” the King announced. “We shall drink to his health and vitality.”
I held my breath when everyone lifted a tea cup into the air, and I chose that precise moment to make my move.
“Your highness,” I intervened, coming around the table to grab Minho’s cup - ignoring the gasps of horror that echoed from the queens. “Shall I try it first?”
Minho blinked in surprise, looking at me like he couldn’t believe that I was standing over him. “I-I suppose.”
“In your honor, of course,” I added hastily before lifting the rim of the delicate cup to my lips. 
I could taste the poison as it slid down my throat, but I emptied most of the glass before wiping the remnants with the back of my hand. I sat the cup back on the table, swallowing hard when I felt the effects swim through my system. Thankfully, they were quickly assuaged by the potion that still lingered in my bloodstream. It worked just as I had imagined, and I reached out for Minho’s chair to overcome a brief bout of dizziness.
Everything was silent around me, but I forced a smile as I bowed to the King who was regarding me with a peculiar look. In the meantime, I was determined to finish the rest of the tea so that I could pour Minho something untainted. But I never anticipated further interruptions:
“I’d like to have the honor as well,” Felix said with a smirk, and I glared at him when he rose from his seat.
“It’s not necessary,” I insisted, but Felix jerked the cup away from me with an acute speed.
“But I insist,” Felix said, and he gave me a knowing look - one that said he was aware of the situation.
“Felix-” I tried again, but he had already lifted the rim to his lips - downing the rest of its contents with a sigh.
“Is this funny to you?” the King growled, and Felix simply chuckled.
“I’ve caused enough mischief for one afternoon,” he said, and he stumbled on his way to the exit. 
“Fool,” I whispered because I knew that Felix could potentially die without treatment. Thus, I bowed once again to the king before running out of the room in search of him.
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It didn’t take me long to find him - collapsed in the remote corridor outside of the room.
“Prince Felix!” I gasped, and I ran the remaining steps before dropping down next to his crumbled form. “Are you insane?”
Felix rolled over onto his back, chest heaving, as he fixed me with a familiar smirk. “How is it fair that you get to have all the fun?
“You knew,” I hissed, cradling his head on my lap as I reached into my robes for the extra potion. “Drink this,” I insisted, holding the vile up to his pale lips.
Felix obeyed, consuming the potion before grinning up at me. “Are you furious with me, Y/N?”
“You absolute fool,” I said, resisting the urge to jostle the prince too much while he still fought to recover. “Why would you do something like that? It was poisoned.”
“But nobody would’ve ever known,” Felix said. “I do admire you, Y/N, but is it wise to stop the efforts of one plot when the same person might conceive of a dozen others?”
I sighed when I realized the wisdom of his words. “It’s a complicated matter,” I said, and the Prince narrowed his eyes.
I didn’t like the suspicious gleam in his gaze, especially when he leaned most of his weight against me for a closer examination. “You know who it is?” he asked, and his nose brushed against mine. 
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded with him because I knew that we were teetering precariously over dangerous ground with consequences that went beyond what either of us were prepared to face. It was a personal mattered that involved one of the King’s wives and her son - an issue that would lead to radical conflict.
“You won’t tell me,” Felix stated simply, and I thought I was in the clear until the prince opened his mouth again. “It must be very sinister. I’ll have to assume that it involved someone in that room.”
I swallowed hard and Felix smiled because I had just inadvertently given him the confirmation that he was seeking. “You shouldn’t meddle,” I warned him, shivering when his fingers traced along my lips.
“What I wouldn’t give to see inside that beautiful head of yours,” Felix said, and we both continued to stare at one another in awe.
But the moment was broken by the sounds of approaching footsteps, and I moved away from Felix just in time to see several guards running in our direction. “What’s wrong with him?” one of the guards demanded, and I hesitated because I had also noticed that most of the princes were arriving on the scene. 
There was every opportunity to stick to my original plan and keep everything incognito, but then Felix gave me a meaningful look, and I reluctantly relented. “He’s been poisoned.”
“Poisoned!” one of the guards exclaimed, and there was only chaos that followed. Just as I had suspected. But there were also Felix’s green eyes, and they managed to anchor me to the moment, even amidst all the noise and screaming. 
They were somehow reassuring, and I clung to them desperately when the King demanded my presence in the Throne Room.
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It was an intimidating sight: kneeling before the King as he leered down at me from his throne. “Do you understand that you have no right to decide the fate of this Castle?”
I shivered at the underlying threat in his tone. “Your highness,” I said. “Forgive me. I thought it was best to solve this issue on my own as deemed by my duties.”
“Is this an admission of guilt?” The King asked. “Did you know what would happen before stepping inside that room?”
“Yes,” I said, closing my eyes and wondering if this would be my last day in the Castle.
“You knew of this plot but refused to speak up?” the King growled, and I lowered my head before him.
“Forgive me,” I once again requested softly. “I was afraid that revealing the complexities would cause the perpetrator to act out far more rashly.”
“My son almost died,” the King said, and I could see Minho shift in his seat from my peripheral vision. 
“My intention was to save him,” I said. “I wanted to let the assailant know that their plots will never work while I’m around to protect the royal family.”
The King was silent for a moment after my confession, and he considered me with a strange look. “I see,” he finally said. “I cannot punish you mage because your efforts saved Minho, but I must also give you a warning: the next time you learn of something so consequential, you will come to me and reveal everything.”
“Yes, your majesty,” I said, and I stood once more at his command. “I shall remember your words.”
“Very well,” the King said with a dismissive hand. “You may retire to your quarters.”
I made sure to offer him a polite bow before I was rapidly making my way out of the Throne Room - mind working a mile a minute. The brief intervention had allowed the the rare chance to speak to the King without his wives - one of which remained guilty of the plot to kill Minho. I could’ve spoken out against her, but there were far more complications to such an innocuous action.
Who would really believe me over the word of the Queen?
More importantly, would Felix say something about my hidden knowledge? Because he had somehow figured out that I was aware of the guilty party involved, and I had no doubt that he would question me in the future.
Yet, there were also more pressing matters to consider, such as the unexpected arrival of Minho who had somehow escaped the King’s notice. “Mage,” Minho interrupted, stopping me outside the throne room. “Could I have a word?”
“Of course, your highness,” I said, and I followed Minho as he led me further down the corridor to a quiet enclave.
“This is more private for our conversation,” Minho explained, and I was struck by the smile he gave me.
“I’m all ears, your grace,” I said, but Minho surprised me further by laughing, and he crowded me against the wall.
“I know you drank the tea to save me,” Minho said, and I startled when he reached out to touch the side of my face.
“Your highness,” I said, flushing at the unexpected contact. “W-what do you mean?”
“You don’t have to be coy with me, Y/N,” Minho said, and I gasped because it was the first time that he had ever used my real name. “I may not understand love, but I can tell when someone is trying hard to catch my attention.”
I nearly spluttered around my words when I caught onto his implication. “Y-you misunderstand-”
“Please don’t hide anymore,” Minho said, and I faltered at the desperation in his tone. “Perhaps when we get to know one another, I’ll consider bringing the prospect of marriage before my father.”
Marriage!? 
“You’re serious,” I said, and I struggled to form a single coherent sentence following Minho’s passionate declaration. 
“Shall we start tonight?” Minho continued as if I had never spoken, and his fingers burned a trail down the side of my face. 
It was obvious that he was lost to whatever perception he held of me, but I glanced to the side when I heard a noise that had not originated from myself or Minho. My eyes scanned the darkness, and I froze when I found myself caught in the snare of an intimate gaze. But I hesitated when I realized that those green irises belonged to Felix, and the look in his stare was impossible to discern.
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clayandstuff · 3 years
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Becho Musings Part 2
Some more musings about Becho while simultaneously addressing unfounded blorke takes that make my blood boil and have no basis in reality. Focusing on S5 and on since I’ve already covered Becho’s relationship before they got together, this will look at them specifically as a couple. Posting this for posterity on my blog.
TL;DR
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Not to accidentally validate any of these blorke claims by talking about them or giving them attention, but they’re so easily debunked by canon I can’t help myself... 
Garbage take #1
Echo is just following Bellamy, she doesn’t love him, he is her King, they have a spy/king dynamic (lmao this isn’t even a real thing like wtf does this mean? You can tell blorkes are pressed about the knight/princess racist trope their ship falls into but you can’t just make things up! What a sad, misguided attempt to create a false equivalence between bellarke and Becho. A spy/king dynamic is literally not a thing - and unsurprisingly, it doesn’t accurately represent the relationship between Bellamy and Echo at all - but nice try I guess), Echo is only looking for someone to follow and take orders from, etc. 
There’s so much to break down in this hot garbage take:
Before I get into absolutely destroying this hot garbage, let’s quickly address how the subtle framing of these “arguments” purposefully doesn’t acknowledge Bellamy’s feelings for Echo. Attempting to discredit Becho by designating Echo as a follower deliberately disregards Bellamy’s active role in his relationship and his feelings for her. Bellamy loves Echo and that’s clear throughout the show, but it’s wonderfully vocalized on screen multiple times in S5. Bellamy considers Echo his family (5x01 “we’re family and nothing can change that”) and it’s explicitly verbalized in 5x07 (”Our friends are there. People we love”) and once again in 5x12, from Clarke herself, when she told Echo “Bellamy loved you”. So, ya know, Bellamy loves Echo. That’s not debatable.
So first off, Echo’s relationship with Bellamy is not at all like her relationship to the Azgeda royal family (who she was in servitude of and essentially employed by). This is one of the worst takes I’ve ever seen and I’m not sure how anyone can logically come to that conclusion? (Which is mainly due to the fact that this claim is made in bad faith and isn’t actually based on logic or what we’ve seen in canon, but I digress). Not to mention Echo refers to Roan and Nia with honorifics and obviously does NOT do that with Bellamy, seriously wtf show are blorkes watching... Being loyal or devoted to someone does not mean the same thing for every relationship. Context matters. People can be loyal to each other for a variety or reasons, family/survival/clan/duty/temporary alliance/self-preservation/etc. Echo's never even hugged Roan, that already contextually makes her relationship with Bellamy very different from her relationship with Roan. Being devoted to someone because it's your job to protect the royal family (as a member of the Queen's guard and spy for the Ice Nation) is not the same as being devoted to someone because you are in love with them, in a romantic relationship with them, and want to keep them safe because they’re precious to you. Hello?? 
The other glaring inaccuracy with this garbage take is that Echo is not someone who just follows people or orders. That’s never been her character. She is a soldier, like Bellamy - but even when she was loyal to Azgeda she was never just a good little follower. She singlehandedly took control of Polis for Azgeda and commanded the entire Azgeda army in Roan’s absence. She doesn’t sit around waiting for people to give her orders or tell her what to do next. That’s simply contradictory to what we’ve actually been shown on the show. Mischaracterizing her as such is nothing more than a blorke ploy to minimize (and outright ignore) her strengths and agency as a character, intentionally erasing the fact that she is a brilliant strategist, skilled warrior, and a trusted political confidant. 
Also, did blorkes forget that she’s literally a goddamn spy?! Being a spy is not the job for a follower who can’t think for themselves and needs someone to take orders from. A spy is given a mission and it’s up to them alone to make it happen. There’s actually an enormous amount of freedom and trust given to a spy. No one gives you step-by-step instructions to achieve your goal. You are literally on your own, often in enemy territory, having to think on your feet, adapt, and come up with a plan to get the job done. Oops embarrassing they forgot she’s a spy (it’s laughable to watch S7 and think she would ever actually betray her friends. She. Is. A. Spy. Infiltration is her job - we even saw her successfully infiltrate Diyoza’s camp in S5 and Diyoza herself actually admits she “got played” by Echo - CMON. Loyalty is her defining characteristic. PAY ATTENTION)
Calling her a follower is such a gross mischaracterization. Just look at her relationship with Roan (her actual King). She constantly argues with him, gives him push back, and even insinuates that he’s weak (to his face) on more than one occasion (in 4x01 when she flat out tells him “we can’t afford for our people to think you’re weak” and he gets offended enough to call her out on it, and then again when she’s sparring with him in 4x02 and offers to take his place once she knocks him on his ass). She doesn't even follow orders all that well if we're being honest (bless her little panda heart). She's the one who tells Roan to "send me to Arkadia" when she thinks Skaikru isn't being honest. She's the one telling Roan, the king, what to do! Not only does he let her talk to him like that, he actually values what she has to say. 
Furthermore, the one time we see Roan actually give her a direct order (to bring Octavia back alive) Echo ends up NOT doing that (lol). She isn’t afraid to speak her mind or make her own decisions. One of her biggest character defining moments (that gets her banished from her clan) is when she decides to act of her own volition and go directly behind Roan’s back, to cheat in the conclave. No one ordered her to do that, it was all her. And there’s also all of the S7 Bardo Disciples plot which further proves that Echo isn’t just some mindless follower (cough cough Bellamy with the Shepard cough cough and Pike...). She’s always been her own person who thinks for herself and does what she believes is best for her people. (Even as far back as her introduction in S2 when she realizes Bellamy is Skaikru but still decides to trust and work with him in Mt. Weather. She also silences all those grounders in the cages with a single command and they ALL shut up and obey her, but sure yeah she’s just a follower 🙄🙄🙄)
So now that we’ve established how she interacts with Roan, let’s look at how she interacts with Bellamy. I’ve already detailed their attitude towards each other before they get together here, but now let’s look at how they act as a couple. 
In S5, we see in their first scene together that they are very affectionate towards one another (so much kissing, arm rubbing, smiling, and forehead touching) as they mutually comfort each other. Echo is apprehensive about things changing on the ground because of Octavia and the fact that she’s still banished, but Bellamy makes an effort to get her to smile (even going so far as to joke about her “almost killing” his sister and him being more stubborn than Octavia. He gets her to laugh with him and even exclaims “good!” once she finally relaxes and smiles). He also tells her “we’re family and nothing can change that” - very different from her relationship with Nia (who Echo bowed down to when in her presence) who used Echo as spy/weapon of war, and Roan, who cast her out after using her political knowhow to effectively lead. Then on the Eligius ship in 5x03 they get their battle couple on by working together and fighting side-by-side to take out the prisoner who woke up. Later in that same episode, they jointly come up with a plan to deal with the cryo-sleeping prisoners that isn’t just murdering them (ultimately utilizing Echo’s plan to use them as leverage since Bellamy doesn’t want to kill them and Echo knows that it’s a strategic mistake to leave their enemy with reinforcements if they can stop it). When they don’t agree on something, they always talk it through and compromise (a sign of a healthy and mature relationship, where both people are regarded as equals and their input is valued). 
Also, Echo was the one who came up with the plan to counter McCreary’s forces when he’d stolen Diyoza’s battle plans. Echo and Bellamy share a voiceover as they both relay the plan simultaneously to their separate groups. Once Bellamy finishes explaining, Octavia says to him “tell Echo I said well done”, giving Echo credit and acknowledging the fact that this is indeed Echo’s idea. Can someone kindly point me to where Echo is being a follower waiting patiently to be given her orders from her “King”?? Because as far as I can tell that never actually happens...
Side note, anyone else remember how blorkes were irate that Echo was the one leading Spacekru at the end of s5. They complained that it didn’t make sense for Echo to be in charge because “Raven was smarter” and Echo was being “so bossy”. Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge the contradictory nature of the arguments “Echo is so bossy and leading Spacekru” but also “she’s just a follower with a spy/king dynamic to Bellamy”. She can’t be both 🤣 stick to a story please. (Also, I LOVE Raven so this is in no way me shading Raven, she’s amazing and brilliant). Bonus: when the show runner is sick of your garbage takes and calls you out
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To reiterate, the contradictory claims and clear disregard for facts and the truth of the show just further proves that their “complaints” are made entirely in bad faith. They are rejecting reality and demonstrate no comprehension of canon - their garbage takes should not hold any weight and are merely a form of lashing out because they’re upset their fanon ship never happened.
Getting back on topic...
So, S5 is where Becho are canonically established as a romantic relationship and the audience gets to see, for the first time, how they interact after 6 years in space and falling love. (Can I just point out that the entire purpose of a time jump is to have our characters change and be in emotionally new and different places - it’s a storytelling device to change the status quo and shake things up - it’s perfectly acceptable to have Becho get together during it given their history with one another. I address this in more detail later so we’ll put a pin in this for now)
Once they get down to the ground, Bellamy fights for Echo (both figuratively and literally) with Octavia and at every turn he doubles down on his love for Echo. To summarize, Echo won’t turn in the defectors and is willing to be banished for it, leaving Bellamy to stay in Polis with Octavia so he can still have a relationship with his sister. However, Bellamy won’t let Echo do that. He doesn’t want her to leave and he doesn’t want to be apart from her. He offers to defect with her! He would chose to give up his relationship with Octavia and Clarke (who he just found out was alive and reunited with) to be with Echo. Echo doesn’t like that plan because she doesn’t want Bellamy to be in harm’s way. She even tells him “we’ve been through this. You’re not going with me” to which he responds “like hell I’m not!” and she tells him “you are not dying for me”. Bellamy seems inconsolable at the thought of her leaving and can’t even look Echo in the eye when he’s telling her that he’ll be in the rover and it’ll only take him a few days to get to her, and once again Echo comforts and reassures him. 
While Echo is at Diyoza’s camp trying to take down the eye, Bellamy has been staring at the monitor nonstop for 8 hours waiting for any change or sign that Echo made it there safely. Harper has to come in and tell him "you've been staring at that all night" and to “go, get some sleep”, knowing that if left on his own he would emotionally exhaust himself worrying about Echo and her safety indefinitely. Bellamy responds that the eye should be down by now and even says that he "wishes it was me over there". (This line reminds me of when he took her place in Mt. Weather to get bled in the harvest chamber. He is always willing to put himself in her place if it means getting her out of danger - he loves her and would do whatever it takes to keep her out of harm’s way). 
Eventually Bellamy marches through the desert and carries Echo’s sword for her. He even sits by the fire and holds onto her sword because he can’t reach out and hold Echo (meanwhile Echo is being comforted by Emori that she’ll be together with Bellamy soon - I love a good yearning parallel!). When they reunite at the end of the season, they hug, grip each other tightly, and stay pressed together just being in each other’s embrace (again, this is NOT how she acted with Roan or Nia... this is a romantic relationship, and it's obviously played out on screen very differently. Echo never received a singe bit of comfort - physical or otherwise - from anyone in Azgeda). 
Before they get out of the rover after rescuing Octavia, the minute Echo and Bellamy are reunited, Bellamy reaches out for Echo's hand and holds it (a callback to earlier in the season when he was reaching out for and grabbing onto her sword in her absence). Then they battle-couple-it-up again and take out the gunners making it possible for Wonkru to march through the gorge. They are equals (and partners) on and off the battle field.
S5 ends with Bellamy staring at Echo in cryosleep, yearning for her once again. And in S6 right off the bat they compromise with each other to get things done. The planet is dangerous and Bellamy doesn’t want to take fighters but Echo counters that it might be a mistake not to bring their to best fighters (Echo vouches for Octavia here) and Bellamy doesn’t want Octavia to come so instead he agrees to wake up Miller - another compromise where they make decisions together and work as a team. In S6 we also see in real-time Echo opening up to Bellamy and trusting him enough to let him in to her traumatic past, strengthening their relationship (directly in front of the audience) as Bellamy promises “from now on, we look forward not back” and comforts her with a loving forehead touch and a kiss. 
Bellamy and Echo both come up with the plan to rescue Clarke from Josephine (Echo directly gives Bellamy the go ahead to “go save Clarke” while she stays back and saves the rest of their friends after they set off the EMP taking down the radiation shield). While Bellamy is in the forest, he expresses regret and worry for Echo explicitly two separate times (Bellamy asks Clarke “what about the people I left behind” and Clarke assures him his actions helped to keep Echo specifically (as well as Madi) safe. He has another separate conversation with Octavia about Echo where Octavia reassures him that “Echo’s strong” and “she’ll be okay”). Bellamy also gets more reassurance from Murphy, who informs him that “Echo is in trouble” but he’ll “do what [he] can for her”. He tries to console Bellamy because Bellamy is currently captured and can’t get to her to help. Once Bellamy returns from his mission in the forest, he sees Echo smiling right at him and he sprints into her arms, hugging her desperately and smiling into her shoulder with his eyes closed. Becho is a loving, healthy, mature relationship filled with trust and mutual respect, where both people are treated as equals.
So yeah, no follower spy king dynamic BS. Equal partners in love.
Garbage take #2 
Becho is toxic because he got mad at her and called her a spy, etc.
 Blorkes love to incorrectly imply that Bellamy’s little outburst in 6x04 at the party means that “Becho is toxic”. Well, if you actually watch the rest of the episode you’d see that there was a loving resolution to this “fight” 🙄
As Echo is walking away from Bellamy at the party, Bellamy instantly hangs his head in regret. He then immediately goes to find her and apologizes. He tells her “I’m a jerk. I was taking my feelings about Octavia out on you” and “I’m sorry”. Then we see Echo open up to him about her past and would you look at that! Their romantic relationship is being explicitly developed on screen! The trust! The love! The tears in Bellamy’s eyes as he listens (it hurts him just to hear what she’s been through)! The way he gets up on his bad leg (thanks Clarke) and goes to comfort her, kisses her head before he even sits down and tells her “Everything we’ve been through has brought us here. From now on, we look forward, not back”, fully committed to her and reaffirming that they’re in this together. Then Bellamy touches his forehead to Echo’s, but that’s not close enough so they kiss to be together. Their love is so palpable. 
Show me where this is toxic??? Because it’s not and you can’t just say things. Words have meaning. I don’t understand how anyone can deny that lovingly resolving a misunderstanding only strengthens Becho. Getting in disagreements/arguments is part of every relationship. Becho having one (one-sided) “fight” doesn’t make them toxic. Especially when Bellamy immediately goes to apologize, knows that what he did was wrong and wasn’t fair, and they talk about their feelings and work through it together. That’s like the exact opposite of being toxic.
It's fine not to ship them, but there's no need to be willfully obtuse about canon or what the show presents. Their romantic relationship is not toxic and is arguably the healthiest one on the show.
Garbage take #3
Becho’s development happened off screen, Becho has no development, etc.
In season 5 Bellamy and Echo are revealed to be in a romantic relationship. I’ve already addressed how the ‘no development’ claim is just a blatant lie, so I won’t repeat myself here (you can just read about it in my other post which was previously linked). But let’s talk about why this “argument” is also pretty garbage and is once again made in bad faith.
S5 is THE definitive Becho season (and it absolutely slaps). Blorkes couldn’t accept that Becho were a couple because they intentionally chose to ignore all of their previous development and then had the nerve to (falsely) claim that it all happened off screen. (Which is blatantly untrue, but even if it was true - quick reminder that “lack of development” doesn’t seem to be an issue for Marper - it’s just a problem for Becho 🙄 even though most of S4 was explicitly focused on developing Bellamy and Echo’s relationship while Harper and Monty had sex once and then were instantly a couple...hypocrites 🤷). It’s the flagrant refusal to accept what’s being shown on screen that bothers me. You don’t need to make up lies and spread asinine comments about the characters - you can just acknowledge that the show is going down a route you don’t personally like. You don’t need to twist yourselves into a pretzel to justify your preferred ship. Just be honest about what’s really upsetting you.
I’ll admit that it’s fair to say you wished we could have seen more of their development becoming explicitly romantic, but the ground work is absolutely there and to say there’s NO development and that it all happened off screen (ala Gina the walking plot device who didn’t exist as a character until she showed up as Bellamy’s gf for all of 5 mins before getting killed off) is just simply untrue. And while I’m addressing genuine criticism/complaints, it’s definitely frustrating that we never got to see any flashbacks of the Ring during S5 despite getting to see both Clarke and the Bunker during the 6 year jump. Thankfully, we did eventually get to see Becho’s first kiss flashback (swoon 🥰) in S7 but even without explicitly seeing Spacekru flashbacks during S5, all of Becho and Spacekru’s interactions throughout the season made it perfectly clear how much they all loved each other and were a family. The writing and character interactions easily convey to the audience Spacekru’s closeness and tightknit bond and it was a joy to watch. Because Octavia becomes Blodreina, you need to see at least some of how that happened, so we get bunker flashbacks. And Madi is an entirely new character, so we have to see how she met Clarke. But it’s actually not that big of a leap to get to romantic Becho since it was clearly set up (we also don’t see Memori break up, but again it’s not a big leap to understand why they would given the explanation we got), so Spacekru flashbacks aren’t actually necessary although they would have been greatly appreciated.
Garbage take #4
Bellamy doesn’t care about Echo and abandoned her for Clarke
This is somehow the narrative blorkes like to perpetuate about S6, but again this is completely factually incorrect. If what they are referring to is Bellamy going to get Josephine out of Clarke’s body while Echo stays back and looks after everyone else, it still makes no sense. There is no reading of the show in which this garbage claim has any basis. Bellamy would never willingly leave Echo behind (splitting up to take care of something they previously established they were going to do is not abandoning her 🙄x50).
Here’s what is actually happening in that scene: Echo is the one who tells Bellamy that she will stay and “keep the others safe”, and that he should “go save Clarke”. (keep in mind that saving Clarke actually isn’t the end goal of what they are trying to do here anyway. They are trying to get Josephine’s mind drive to use as leverage with Russell so that their people can have a place to live). Echo told him to go because the alarms were going off and they needed to get Josephine to Gabriel instead of waiting for Jackson to get to them and take out the mind drive. Context fucking matters. Blorkes just love to twist anything onscreen to fit their agenda and it just ends up making them look delusional.
As for “Bellamy not caring about Echo”, show me where????? S6 gave us one of their softest and sweetest scenes (as well as a fireside cuddle) that begs to differ. All of S5 begs to differ. Hell, all of S4 begs to differ too. In fact, the entire goddam show begs to differ. Bellamy “sprint into the arms of my girlfriend Echo” Blake begs to differ. This garbage take has no basis in canon. It’s once again just another bad faith claim by blorkes who are hardcore projecting. Because guess what? Not caring about the other person is exactly the way Clarke feels (or more accurately doesn’t) about Bellamy. Clarke left Bellamy to die in Polis in S5. Clarke physically slapped him in his face. This is canon. That’s THEIR ship, that’s not how Bellamy feels about Echo.
Blorkes like to say Becho don’t have any scenes together, but they’re really just so tilted that Echo gets her own plotlines every season, has relevance to the story, and actually isn’t solely defined by her relationship with Bellamy. She can’t be “just Bellamy’s girlfriend” while blorkes claim that “Becho doesn’t even have any scenes together“. Those are two contradictory statements guys... again, stick to a story please. So we have Schrödinger’s Echo, who is somehow both “just Bellamy’s girlfriend” and also “doesn’t have any scenes with him”. Give me a break. Neither of these statements are true and they’re honestly just dumb. It makes blorkes furious that Echo gets narrative focus each season, so they decide to twist that into “she and Bellamy don’t share any scenes”. But guess what? Queen gets both 👑. She can cuddle by the fire with her little spoon boyfriend and also spread the seeds of revolution while sniping at Russel with her bow and arrow during an execution to save her family and friends.  
Also to the people who think S6 was so good for bellarke
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Why didn’t Bellamy actually realize that Clarke wasn’t Clarke. Josephine reveals herself to him, he didn’t figure it out 🥴 (Echo was able to piece it together though, so Clecho Endgame I guess)
At the naming day lantern thing, Clarke tells Bellamy that she “lost sight” of him (supposedly) being important to her. She tells him that he is her family too (which he doesn’t verbalize back oop) and she won’t forget it. How nice that that’s something Clarke COULD forget and that she said that to his face 🥴
Bellamy is oblivious that Josephine is impersonating Clarke, so much so that when he hears her say “chill out” to Gaia, he repeats back “chill out? Happiness looks good on you”. He can’t even tell that’s not Clarke and he actually thinks she looks happy 🥴
Why was Bellamy completely unfazed, not jealous at all, and totally cool with Clarke having sex with Cillian. He even says “I take it you had fun with the doctor?” and Josephine!Clarke says back “let’s just say it’ll be a while until he recovers” and Bellamy couldn’t care less that “Clarke” is talking to him about her sexcapades with other people. There’s no angst or jealousy or longing looks or sadness lsdjsdkf. He’s genuinely happy for her. Then he makes an “ugh TMI” face and turns away. As if the thought of Clarke having sex in general is uncomfortable. Great blarke content, much romance  🥴
When Josephine has control of Clarke’s body she flirts with Murphy (and not Bellamy... a huge L in the metastory)
When Josephine is in Clarke’s mind and has access to all of her innermost thoughts and feelings - there’s no mention of any hidden or repressed romantic feelings for Bellamy (but we do get Josephine taunting Clarke about an actual love interest - “it’s why you cry when you think of Lexa”). Where was all this good blarke content guys?? 😩
The crumbs were extra stale in S6 if you ask me... almost as if the story between Bellamy and Clarke is, in fact, not a romance  🥴 🥴 🥴
ANYWAY
Becho as a couple are emotionally supportive of one another, unshakably stable, communicative, open, and loving. They support each other, they fight for each other, and they absolutely cherish each other. Whoops looks like I accidently wrote a thesis paper (and I’m sure I still managed to leave a bunch of stuff out). Thankfully, the show is the show. And it will always be about canon romantic Becho. And blorkes can die mad about it while we rewatch and enjoy the show to our heart’s content 😊
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biolumitranslations · 6 years
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The Unicorn Legion - Chapter 21
First Battle
As soon as the strange vines entered his range, Shelly waved his hand and jagged ice shot out of the rain-soaked ground. Although the magical construct was mostly a mix of Water and Earth element, it was vulnerable to cold. The vines that touched the ice writhed in pain, and the others carefully avoided it.
Julian also took aim, and fired dozens of bolts in quick succession. The vines were very thin, making it difficult to score a direct hit; still, several vines were successfully pinned.
Seeing that the vines were still approaching, Julian clumsily began to reload. Rosanna could hold twice as many bolts as the average crossbow, but by the time he’d finished reloading and looked up, the battle was already over. The burned vines lay dead on a patch of dry ground.
“Well done,” Rowenna patted Shelly’s head. “Although your innate Fire element is weak, it’s powerful enough to deal with opponents of this level.”
With the obstacle removed, the team slowly began to advance. Julian hurried to retrieve the bolts that could still be reused.
“You did well,” Ellen placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “Weapons like ours are better suited to larger targets. If we run into a creature like this again, you can let someone else handle it.”
“Thank you,” the dwarf mumbled, wiping mud off one of the bolts.
However, Julian stubbornly continued to attack every time they encountered another magical construct. Unfortunately, they were still in the outer area of the forest, where even the biggest monster, the Mud Turtle, could be held in one hand. Rosanna was considerably powerful, piercing the shell of the Mud Turtle easily, which cheered Julian up a little. However, with a flick of his hand, Shelly sent a wave of mud over the Mud Turtle, trapping it.
In order to reach the center of the forest, the group was running without taking any breaks. When Julian paused to catch his breath again, Ellen hardened his heart.
“Julian,” he said. “You’ve being doing well so far, but you need to take a break now. You’re pushing yourself too hard.”
“But, I . . .”
“Take a break. That’s an order.” Despite his harsh words, Ellen spoke gently. “We’re about to enter the mid-level area of the forest; there’s bound to opponents better suited to you there.”
“. . . Yes, sir.” Julian answered after a long pause.
Ellen could see that Julian’s mood wasn’t any better, and sighed quietly.
Still, Julian didn’t stop trying, and the team’s speed didn’t decrease. Shelly handled the stronger opponents with ease, becoming more and more confident.
Finally, they came upon a sign marked, “Apprentice Mages and Mid-Level Mages are Not Allowed Beyond This Point.”
“Ha!” Shelly grinned. “I might not be a real mage, but now I’m as strong as a mid-level mage, right?”
“Don’t get cocky. You’re only one third of the way through the forest.” Rowenna scolded him, but her voice sounded fond. “Besides, this is only the practical exam. There is also a personal examination and a theoretical exam.”
“Personal? Theoretical?”
“They’re written exams. You need to have a solid grasp on magical theory to pass the theoretical exam.”
“Uh-oh,” Shelly gulped. “Then . . . the personal exam?”
“To pass the personal exam you need proper form while casting spells, clear and precise incantations, and accurate aim with long distance spells. There is also a physical portion, to measure your running speed, your dexterity, your flexibility, and your skill in dodging oncoming attacks. They also measure your skill in melee, both hand-to-hand and with various weapons.”
“Mages also undergo a physical examination?” Cain interrupted, curious.
“. . . Of course.” Rowenna frowned. “What, did you think mages were fragile? How else are we supposed to fight when we’re alone or have no warriors in our party?”
“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that . . .”
“It’s fine,” Rowenna turned away. “I’m used to such questions. Let’s go.”
She adjusted her robes and strode forward into the Mid-Level area of the forest. Cain grimaced at Ellen, and reluctantly followed her.
“Shelly, Julian, stay close to Cain and Rowenna. Don’t wander off.” Ellen instructed, then fell into place at the back of the group.
At first glance, except for heavier vegetation and less light, this area of the forest was no different than the outer area. However, the path began to twist confusingly, branching off into the dark forest as though it were trying to lead them astray. At the mouth of each new pathway was a colored will-o’-wisp.
“Usually, you would choose your route according to your preferred field of magic,” Rowenna explained. “But since we aren’t taking the exam, we’re taking the shortest route. In the past, there was a student who was lost for more than a week in this part of the forest. If you don’t want to repeat his mistake, be sure to follow me closely.”
After traveling for a while, the scenery began to change. The surrounding trees were no longer green, becoming withered and blackened. They grew further apart, the spaces between them wide and empty. There was a chill in the air, giving off the feeling of an unforgiving winter. The spring of the outside world had not reached this place.
“. . . This isn’t right.” Rowenna stopped, frowning. “Be careful, everyone.”
“If this is the work of a magical creature, it must’ve lived here for months,” said Ellen.
“It’s possible. There’s not many mid-level mages, so it was only discovered recently.”
As they went on, the path began to slope upwards. When it became so steep that they struggled to stay on their feet, an enormous snowball suddenly appeared and began to roll down the slope. Rowenna waved her hand and blasted it with Fire element. However, instead of melting, the snowball continued to roll towards them.
“Fall back; we just need to get out of its way!” At Ellen’s words, everyone threw themselves backwards, but they were too late, and the snowball was upon them in seconds.
Rowenna didn’t hesitate to fire off a few petrification spells to slow it down, but there was still no effect. She couldn’t bring herself to leave the safety of the path, knowing she wouldn’t be able to find her way back; however, without warning, the snowball bounced off the path. Cain reached out to yank Rowenna to the ground just in time; the snowball soared over their heads and hit a nearby tree. When it fell to the ground, the snow fell apart to reveal a vicious-looking bear with glowing blue eyes and ice-like fangs. Looking at them, it roared threateningly.
“Is that thing immune to magic?”
“. . . Yes,” Rowenna grit her teeth, pulling Shelly behind her.
“You might wanna let us handle this one, then,” Cain drew his sword and stepped forward.
“Use the trees to avoid it! Julian, don’t fire if it runs towards you, focus on getting away.”
As he spoke, Ellen fired an arrow that buried itself into the chest fur of the Ice Bear. Cain took advantage of the hit and swung his sword at the wound created by the arrow, scattering chunks of ice across the clearing.
The Ice Bear groaned in pain, but shook it off and rushed towards Cain.
“The hide’s pretty thick,” Cain commented, leaping out of the way. “That’s not good.”
He was right; this way, they couldn’t be sure their attacks would even connect.
The Ice Bear was actually quite agile, dodging their blows with ease and changing direction quickly. Running on the snow left behind by the snowball was difficult, but it obviously wasn’t a problem for the Ice Bear.
Considering the Ice Bear’s incredible defensive abilities, and the fact that they were confined to the path, this could prove to be a troublesome opponent.
I feel so bad for Julian! I hope he gets his chance to shine soon, too!
I’m with Cain on this one; those physical exams sound killer! Are all the mages in this kingdom super buff?!
<< Chapter 20                    Chapter 22 >>
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canadastartupblog · 5 years
Text
How 7 Entrepreneurs Went From Massive Debt To Incredible Success
The first Rocking the Daisies festival left its founders more than R400 000 in debt. Craig Bright and Brian Little decided to keep going anyway. It took four years to settle that debt, but they knew they were breaking into an industry notorious for low margins and even losses.
When Brian and Craig first decided to host a music festival, they knew they’d have a few challenges. They had no money, no venue and no acts. And while a few isolated events existed, there was no music festival culture in South Africa.
The solution? Craig sold his house, Brian sold his car and they both borrowed cash from their parents. “We were so inexperienced we ended up spending money on all the wrong things,” says Brian.
“We put a full 2kms of fencing up,” recalls Craig. “We were very, very ambitious about how many people would attend, and we didn’t want anyone sneaking in. That fence cost us R20 000 and a lot of time and hard work because we put it up ourselves. And then 700 people arrived,” he laughs.
Through contacts they secured new local acts the Parlotones and Goldfish, printed fliers and hoped for the best. All in all, the event cost R1,1 million to put on. They made R350 000 in cash.
But they didn’t give up. Instead, they found a way to bring brands on board as sponsors and to create experiences for their festivals goers. As their events grew, so too did the experiential marketing offerings they could give their clients. It just took patience, hard work and some smart pivots.
Lesson learnt
“What are we good at? Where are our skills? What aligns? And what’s good versus sexy? It’s easy to get seduced by the sexy, but is it right for the business? Does it align with our strategy? A key learning for us has been when to say no. It’s often tempting to take on a project to prevent another promoter from doing it or to please a sponsor, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for the business.”
Kevin Vermaak: Cape Epic
Kevin Vermaak has managed to turn an 8-day mountain bike stage race into a renowned international brand. But it wasn’t easy. Although the Absa Cape Epic is now a successful race with a strong title sponsor and R63 million in annual turnover, getting it there wasn’t easy.
“When I first came up with the idea of the Cape Epic, I was 30 and it was a way to spend a really cool year and create something special while I figured out what I wanted to do next. That lasted for about three months, and then I started looking at the event like a real business — the potential to do something great and leave a legacy,” recalls Kevin.
Kevin pushed hard to get the Cape Epic off the ground, and from the outside it looked like an incredible success. In the first year it had sold out in three days. By the second year that was down to under five hours, and by the third year they had to implement a lottery system to handle the amount of entries received. Riders loved the race. In a short space of time it had become incredibly popular, both locally and internationally.
“The problem was that the numbers weren’t working. I was hiding the truth from everyone: The riders, my staff, my suppliers. No one knew how bad things were. The riders paid their entry fees upfront, nine months before the race. They’d never trust me with their money if they knew I was using it to pay for the previous year’s race. I understood that their perception might be that the race might not take place, even though I would never, ever have let that happen,” says Kevin.
“Getting Absa on board was a major win, but it didn’t immediately solve all of my money problems. Our third year ended up being our biggest loss. A title sponsor meant glitzy press events, PR agencies, and sponsorship agencies, all of which come with a price tag. In fact, five events in a row made a loss. By 2008, our turnover was R22 million, but our accumulated losses amounted to R8,5 million. We even extended our bridging loan from the IDC to R5 million to ensure we had sufficient cash flow to stage the event.
“The fact that we were oversubscribed and there was so much hype around securing an entry to the Absa Cape Epic was a massive pull for sponsors, which had always been my focus. To monetise this event I needed sponsors, not more riders. This is where a mentor is so crucial and adds such huge value. Neville Crosse, the youngest CEO of a JSE listed company in the 1980s and the chairman of Omnia Holdings in 2008, forced me to evaluate my own preconceived ideas around entry fees. The following two years we increased the price, year-on-year. In 2010 we made a profit. By 2012, we were in the black. We’d paid off our debt and were now finally a sustainable, profitable business.”
Lesson learnt
“Growth was never going to be about more riders, which is the model for most amateur events around the world. More riders mean more costs. We needed a way to leverage what we had without incurring more costs. The Tour de France only has 198 riders. You don’t need to be a huge event by participation numbers to be successful. You need to monetise what you have.”
John Nicolakakis: Romans Pizza
The first Roman’s Pizza franchise John Nicolakakis ever sold was to a complete fraud. He was 23 years old, and it was his first deal since joining his father in the family business.
“I was so excited when he handed over the cheque for his joining fee. I didn’t realise it was the last cash we’d see from him. He couldn’t even cover his set-up costs. We had to step up and help him get the business up and running. We basically loaned him the money to buy a franchise from us. And we had to do it. The brand was more important than my mistake.”
John’s father hadn’t liked the prospective franchisee, but he’d gone through with the deal anyway, against his father’s wishes. It was a lesson the young businessmen took to heart. “From that moment on I became far more discerning, and a lot less eager. The agreement that my father and I had when I joined the business was that we would embark on an aggressive expansion plan,” says John.
As so much of the brand’s success rests with its franchisees, the company has also fine-tuned its franchisee selection process since John’s early (and over-eager) mistakes.
“Our first step is to verify financial records and vet all financial criteria,” says John. “We learnt the hard way that you can’t just take someone’s word at face value. We conduct personal interviews and do psychometric testing as well.” As a rule, Roman’s Pizza franchisees should be owner-operators, and before any documents are signed or money exchanges hands, each prospective franchisee spends one full week in a store, from open to close.
According to John, many prospective franchisees drop out of the process at this point. “This business is a lifestyle choice. You either love it, or it’s not for you. But it’s important to know which before we embark on a relationship together. Protecting the brand is far more important than selling another franchise. We want our franchisees to love what they do and what Roman’s Pizza stands for.”
Lesson learnt
“I wanted to grow a brand that would be a household name. But I realised that there’s a right way to grow, and a wrong way. Every decision I made from then on had to take the sustainability of the brand into consideration.”
Rodney Norman: Chrome Supplements and Accessories
When Rodney Norman was 21, his first business ended up R1 million in debt. With so much owing to suppliers, he couldn’t continue trading.
It took him two years to pay off the debt, but as soon as it was settled, he quit his job – as an employee of his own business – to build R100 million-rand business Chrome Supplements and Accessories.
Rodney’s a born trader. If he’s not making deals, growing a customer base and finding solutions to all the daily challenges that running a business brings, he’s not truly living. Chrome SA is the result of taking life’s knocks on the chin, and then manning up, facing the music, and growing stronger through adversity. A lesson he began to learn at the tender age of 15, when he was kicked out of school in Grade 10. His parents were not impressed. Determined to teach their son to face the consequences of his actions, they told him to find a job, pay rent, or move out. It was the greatest gift they could have given him.
“I got a job at the local gym as a weight packer. But my studies through Intec College cost R650 a month, my rent was R650, and I only earned R1 050. I needed to find a way to supplement my income.” Rodney was athletic; he worked out and was interested in supplements. Soon people at the gym started asking his advice on supplements, and he saw an opportunity. He offered to organise products for them, adding a small mark-up for himself.
“The gym had a strict no-supplements policy, so I’d deliver the products before and after my shifts. I once cycled from Edenvale to Isando to make a delivery that was worth R50. I was that serious about building up my client base.” It worked. That customer is still a Chrome client today.
Lesson learnt
“At 21 I had this enormous debt. Where the hell do you get R1 million? It was a defining moment for me. I could call it quits or get stuck in and make it happen. I managed to pay it back in two years. That’s all it took. I just had to start. I remember my dad telling me he would never see R1 million in his lifetime. It was this huge sum. So how could I do it? The answer? Slowly. I was young, but that was also to my benefit. My life wasn’t over. I knew it would be a rough few years, but I also knew that if I didn’t man up and make this right, I would never build the business I now knew I was capable of building.”
Peter Mountford: Super Group Holdings
When Peter Mountford was asked to return to Super Group as CEO in 2009, it was to help the holding company regroup and find its way back to profitability. The business had lost its way. Super Group itself had annualised pre-tax losses of approximately R1,5 billion. Its borrowings had escalated to R4,3 billion and there was virtually no shareholder equity left in the business as a result of aggregated losses.
Something had to be done if the group was to survive. Sharks were circling the waters, looking for opportunities for a hostile takeover. Attrition and even death were imminent. The whole situation was a lesson that even large, profitable businesses can lose their way. It was time to make some changes.
“In a sense, the group had lost direction from 2006 to 2009. Our core businesses are supply chain, fleet lease and dealership businesses,” explains Peter. “We had lost sight of that and expanded into a series of industrial products businesses, which were importing and assembling a range of Chinese trucks, material handling equipment and so on. These businesses had underperformed and were losing R1 billion per annum.”
Peter spent three years focused on regenerating Super Group’s three core business pillars, highlighting the importance of cash generation. “We managed to turn the group around to modest profitability — R150 million pre-tax profit by 2010,” he explains. By 2012 the core group businesses were starting to perform well, and had paid back all its borrowings, were in a net cash position, and had managed to re-establish ownership of the underlying net assets of the business.
“We did not repeat Super Group’s mistake of the past, which was to enter into completely new territories. Instead, we focused on opportunities that played into our core strengths. Experience has taught us that you can end up over-investing in a business that doesn’t perform.”
Lesson learnt
“To be successful, I believe you need to retain a small business mindset. You need to be quick, decisive and entrepreneurial in your decision-making processes. We’ve resisted bogging the organisation down with administrative processes and documents, such as daily sales forecasts, daily order covers and daily cash flow forecasts. We run a small executive team at group level and keep our decision-making process highly efficient. Bureaucratic matrix structures tend to be removed from the coal face; when that happens, the wrong decisions are made, which ultimately hurts the business.”
Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck: Joe Public
Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck’s paths first crossed when Gareth saved Pepe’s life. A few years later they were introduced by a friend who thought they’d make excellent business partners. Today they’re South Africa’s largest independent agency, with a turnover of R700 million, and gross profits in excess of R200 million.
In 2006, eight years after launching their business, and five years after selling it, Pepe and Gareth’s biggest client fired them. The account brought in 40% of their revenue, and the company needed to retrench 50% of its employees as a result.
It was the single worst day of Pepe and Gareth’s careers. They no longer owned Joe Public, but it was theirs in name and brand, and it was they who had to retrench staff.
However, losing their biggest client also allowed Gareth and Pepe to not only buy back their business, but find their purpose and change the course of the company as well.
“We wanted to zig while others zagged,” says Pepe. “When we got the chance to buy back our business because of the huge losses we had suffered, we changed our focus. We’d been part of a big corporate that only looked at the bottom line. From 2009, we stopped doing that. We put product first.”
“One of our clients once told us that all they wanted to do was serve the best possible product to customers, with the best service, at the right price to give value,” says Gareth. “It really resonated with us, reaffirming everything we believe as well. We all tend to complicate business, when what we should be doing is serving our clients — and the best way to do that, is to do great work.”
Lessons learnt
“The problem is that you can’t put bottom line at the top. Revenue is a lag factor. If you become too focused on it, you lose sight of the rest of the business. You can’t measure the health of a business on the bottom line. The year we made our first million, we weren’t focused on the bottom line. We were focused on delivering the best product and service possible, and the natural result was a big, fat bottom line.”
Max Lichaba: Lichaba Creations, Kwa Lichaba and Lichaba Custom Rides
Max Lichaba finished school with a Grade 10 and no prospects, except for a burning desire to do more with his life than become a miner like all the other men in his community. He started a jewellery business, lost everything, and painstakingly built it up from scratch again.
“Starting over is one of the hardest things in life. I had nothing, and worse, I’d failed the people I had wanted to protect. They were all jobless, my old ladies and my new staff. The younger staff who hadn’t been with me at the beginning were particularly angry and wanted their salaries. I was devastated,” recalls Max.
How had it happened? He’d taken his eye off his jewellery business, Lichaba Creations, which was booming and practically ran itself, to concentrate on the school he’d started to teach the next generation of jewellery designers. “We’d moved into new, bigger premises to handle our increased international orders. The first payments came through 12 months later than expected.”
Lichaba Creations was effectively carrying the school, and the result was that Max couldn’t pay rent for the jewellery business.
“After two months our landlord told us he was locking our doors. I needed to get back on my feet, and I no longer had a business, or the school. I started by reaching out to my old school — could I teach there?
“For six months, that’s what I did. I taught and saved every cent I could. I sold most of my furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor. When I had enough cash in the bank, I started visiting all the pawn shops in Welkom. I knew my equipment was specialised, and I had a feeling that the people who had bought it wouldn’t be able to use it. I was right — I started to find my machines at different pawn shops. Piece by piece, I bought them back.
“It took eight months, but I was able to get back up and running — at a very small scale. I worked from my flat, exporting to India and the UK. I was totally focused. I vowed I would never lose sight of my core business again, even if I pursued other ventures.”
Today, Max runs Lichaba Creations alongside restaurant and carwash business Kwa Lichaba and Lichaba Custom Rides, a car customisation and sound business.
Lesson learnt
“Start small, but start — that’s the key. I could have gone out and tried to figure out how to raise R100 000 for fancy machines. I didn’t do that. Instead, I focused on trading — bringing in cash to feed and support us. The equipment took us to the next level, and I was able to look for our next opportunity.”
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ecompaniesusa · 5 years
Text
How 7 Entrepreneurs Went From Massive Debt To Incredible Success
Brian Little and Craig Bright: Seed Experiences (Rocking the Daisies)
The first Rocking the Daisies festival left its founders more than R400 000 in debt. Craig Bright and Brian Little decided to keep going anyway. It took four years to settle that debt, but they knew they were breaking into an industry notorious for low margins and even losses.
When Brian and Craig first decided to host a music festival, they knew they’d have a few challenges. They had no money, no venue and no acts. And while a few isolated events existed, there was no music festival culture in South Africa.
The solution? Craig sold his house, Brian sold his car and they both borrowed cash from their parents. “We were so inexperienced we ended up spending money on all the wrong things,” says Brian.
“We put a full 2kms of fencing up,” recalls Craig. “We were very, very ambitious about how many people would attend, and we didn’t want anyone sneaking in. That fence cost us R20 000 and a lot of time and hard work because we put it up ourselves. And then 700 people arrived,” he laughs.
Through contacts they secured new local acts the Parlotones and Goldfish, printed fliers and hoped for the best. All in all, the event cost R1,1 million to put on. They made R350 000 in cash.
But they didn’t give up. Instead, they found a way to bring brands on board as sponsors and to create experiences for their festivals goers. As their events grew, so too did the experiential marketing offerings they could give their clients. It just took patience, hard work and some smart pivots.
Lesson learnt
“What are we good at? Where are our skills? What aligns? And what’s good versus sexy? It’s easy to get seduced by the sexy, but is it right for the business? Does it align with our strategy? A key learning for us has been when to say no. It’s often tempting to take on a project to prevent another promoter from doing it or to please a sponsor, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for the business.”
Kevin Vermaak: Cape Epic
Kevin Vermaak has managed to turn an 8-day mountain bike stage race into a renowned international brand. But it wasn’t easy. Although the Absa Cape Epic is now a successful race with a strong title sponsor and R63 million in annual turnover, getting it there wasn’t easy.
“When I first came up with the idea of the Cape Epic, I was 30 and it was a way to spend a really cool year and create something special while I figured out what I wanted to do next. That lasted for about three months, and then I started looking at the event like a real business — the potential to do something great and leave a legacy,” recalls Kevin.
Kevin pushed hard to get the Cape Epic off the ground, and from the outside it looked like an incredible success. In the first year it had sold out in three days. By the second year that was down to under five hours, and by the third year they had to implement a lottery system to handle the amount of entries received. Riders loved the race. In a short space of time it had become incredibly popular, both locally and internationally.
“The problem was that the numbers weren’t working. I was hiding the truth from everyone: The riders, my staff, my suppliers. No one knew how bad things were. The riders paid their entry fees upfront, nine months before the race. They’d never trust me with their money if they knew I was using it to pay for the previous year’s race. I understood that their perception might be that the race might not take place, even though I would never, ever have let that happen,” says Kevin.
“Getting Absa on board was a major win, but it didn’t immediately solve all of my money problems. Our third year ended up being our biggest loss. A title sponsor meant glitzy press events, PR agencies, and sponsorship agencies, all of which come with a price tag. In fact, five events in a row made a loss. By 2008, our turnover was R22 million, but our accumulated losses amounted to R8,5 million. We even extended our bridging loan from the IDC to R5 million to ensure we had sufficient cash flow to stage the event.
“The fact that we were oversubscribed and there was so much hype around securing an entry to the Absa Cape Epic was a massive pull for sponsors, which had always been my focus. To monetise this event I needed sponsors, not more riders. This is where a mentor is so crucial and adds such huge value. Neville Crosse, the youngest CEO of a JSE listed company in the 1980s and the chairman of Omnia Holdings in 2008, forced me to evaluate my own preconceived ideas around entry fees. The following two years we increased the price, year-on-year. In 2010 we made a profit. By 2012, we were in the black. We’d paid off our debt and were now finally a sustainable, profitable business.”
Lesson learnt
“Growth was never going to be about more riders, which is the model for most amateur events around the world. More riders mean more costs. We needed a way to leverage what we had without incurring more costs. The Tour de France only has 198 riders. You don’t need to be a huge event by participation numbers to be successful. You need to monetise what you have.”
John Nicolakakis: Romans Pizza
The first Roman’s Pizza franchise John Nicolakakis ever sold was to a complete fraud. He was 23 years old, and it was his first deal since joining his father in the family business.
“I was so excited when he handed over the cheque for his joining fee. I didn’t realise it was the last cash we’d see from him. He couldn’t even cover his set-up costs. We had to step up and help him get the business up and running. We basically loaned him the money to buy a franchise from us. And we had to do it. The brand was more important than my mistake.”
John’s father hadn’t liked the prospective franchisee, but he’d gone through with the deal anyway, against his father’s wishes. It was a lesson the young businessmen took to heart. “From that moment on I became far more discerning, and a lot less eager. The agreement that my father and I had when I joined the business was that we would embark on an aggressive expansion plan,” says John.
As so much of the brand’s success rests with its franchisees, the company has also fine-tuned its franchisee selection process since John’s early (and over-eager) mistakes.
“Our first step is to verify financial records and vet all financial criteria,” says John. “We learnt the hard way that you can’t just take someone’s word at face value. We conduct personal interviews and do psychometric testing as well.” As a rule, Roman’s Pizza franchisees should be owner-operators, and before any documents are signed or money exchanges hands, each prospective franchisee spends one full week in a store, from open to close.
According to John, many prospective franchisees drop out of the process at this point. “This business is a lifestyle choice. You either love it, or it’s not for you. But it’s important to know which before we embark on a relationship together. Protecting the brand is far more important than selling another franchise. We want our franchisees to love what they do and what Roman’s Pizza stands for.”
Lesson learnt
“I wanted to grow a brand that would be a household name. But I realised that there’s a right way to grow, and a wrong way. Every decision I made from then on had to take the sustainability of the brand into consideration.”
Rodney Norman: Chrome Supplements and Accessories
When Rodney Norman was 21, his first business ended up R1 million in debt. With so much owing to suppliers, he couldn’t continue trading.
It took him two years to pay off the debt, but as soon as it was settled, he quit his job – as an employee of his own business – to build R100 million-rand business Chrome Supplements and Accessories.
Rodney’s a born trader. If he’s not making deals, growing a customer base and finding solutions to all the daily challenges that running a business brings, he’s not truly living. Chrome SA is the result of taking life’s knocks on the chin, and then manning up, facing the music, and growing stronger through adversity. A lesson he began to learn at the tender age of 15, when he was kicked out of school in Grade 10. His parents were not impressed. Determined to teach their son to face the consequences of his actions, they told him to find a job, pay rent, or move out. It was the greatest gift they could have given him.
“I got a job at the local gym as a weight packer. But my studies through Intec College cost R650 a month, my rent was R650, and I only earned R1 050. I needed to find a way to supplement my income.” Rodney was athletic; he worked out and was interested in supplements. Soon people at the gym started asking his advice on supplements, and he saw an opportunity. He offered to organise products for them, adding a small mark-up for himself.
“The gym had a strict no-supplements policy, so I’d deliver the products before and after my shifts. I once cycled from Edenvale to Isando to make a delivery that was worth R50. I was that serious about building up my client base.” It worked. That customer is still a Chrome client today.
Lesson learnt
“At 21 I had this enormous debt. Where the hell do you get R1 million? It was a defining moment for me. I could call it quits or get stuck in and make it happen. I managed to pay it back in two years. That’s all it took. I just had to start. I remember my dad telling me he would never see R1 million in his lifetime. It was this huge sum. So how could I do it? The answer? Slowly. I was young, but that was also to my benefit. My life wasn’t over. I knew it would be a rough few years, but I also knew that if I didn’t man up and make this right, I would never build the business I now knew I was capable of building.”
Peter Mountford: Super Group Holdings
When Peter Mountford was asked to return to Super Group as CEO in 2009, it was to help the holding company regroup and find its way back to profitability. The business had lost its way. Super Group itself had annualised pre-tax losses of approximately R1,5 billion. Its borrowings had escalated to R4,3 billion and there was virtually no shareholder equity left in the business as a result of aggregated losses.
Something had to be done if the group was to survive. Sharks were circling the waters, looking for opportunities for a hostile takeover. Attrition and even death were imminent. The whole situation was a lesson that even large, profitable businesses can lose their way. It was time to make some changes.
“In a sense, the group had lost direction from 2006 to 2009. Our core businesses are supply chain, fleet lease and dealership businesses,” explains Peter. “We had lost sight of that and expanded into a series of industrial products businesses, which were importing and assembling a range of Chinese trucks, material handling equipment and so on. These businesses had underperformed and were losing R1 billion per annum.”
Peter spent three years focused on regenerating Super Group’s three core business pillars, highlighting the importance of cash generation. “We managed to turn the group around to modest profitability — R150 million pre-tax profit by 2010,” he explains. By 2012 the core group businesses were starting to perform well, and had paid back all its borrowings, were in a net cash position, and had managed to re-establish ownership of the underlying net assets of the business.
“We did not repeat Super Group’s mistake of the past, which was to enter into completely new territories. Instead, we focused on opportunities that played into our core strengths. Experience has taught us that you can end up over-investing in a business that doesn’t perform.”
Lesson learnt
“To be successful, I believe you need to retain a small business mindset. You need to be quick, decisive and entrepreneurial in your decision-making processes. We’ve resisted bogging the organisation down with administrative processes and documents, such as daily sales forecasts, daily order covers and daily cash flow forecasts. We run a small executive team at group level and keep our decision-making process highly efficient. Bureaucratic matrix structures tend to be removed from the coal face; when that happens, the wrong decisions are made, which ultimately hurts the business.”
Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck: Joe Public
Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck’s paths first crossed when Gareth saved Pepe’s life. A few years later they were introduced by a friend who thought they’d make excellent business partners. Today they’re South Africa’s largest independent agency, with a turnover of R700 million, and gross profits in excess of R200 million.
In 2006, eight years after launching their business, and five years after selling it, Pepe and Gareth’s biggest client fired them. The account brought in 40% of their revenue, and the company needed to retrench 50% of its employees as a result.
It was the single worst day of Pepe and Gareth’s careers. They no longer owned Joe Public, but it was theirs in name and brand, and it was they who had to retrench staff.
However, losing their biggest client also allowed Gareth and Pepe to not only buy back their business, but find their purpose and change the course of the company as well.
“We wanted to zig while others zagged,” says Pepe. “When we got the chance to buy back our business because of the huge losses we had suffered, we changed our focus. We’d been part of a big corporate that only looked at the bottom line. From 2009, we stopped doing that. We put product first.”
“One of our clients once told us that all they wanted to do was serve the best possible product to customers, with the best service, at the right price to give value,” says Gareth. “It really resonated with us, reaffirming everything we believe as well. We all tend to complicate business, when what we should be doing is serving our clients — and the best way to do that, is to do great work.”
Lessons learnt
“The problem is that you can’t put bottom line at the top. Revenue is a lag factor. If you become too focused on it, you lose sight of the rest of the business. You can’t measure the health of a business on the bottom line. The year we made our first million, we weren’t focused on the bottom line. We were focused on delivering the best product and service possible, and the natural result was a big, fat bottom line.”
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tricityrevivals · 6 years
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Blog Chapter 2.1: The Journey Continues..
Exactly one year ago I wrote our first of now twelve blogs: “Chapter 1.0-The Journey Begins..” and it’s crazy to look back and read that blog and see where we were at that point in time, and remembering our mindset. This year has gone by so fast and it’s been filled with twists and turns along the way. I don’t even really know where to start with this one. Here’s our newest blog as our journey continues with a glance into the past and upcoming year of Tri-City Revivals.
We admittedly didnt know much about A business starting off. Where there’s a will there’s always a way. We knew how to make money selling things, and we translated that into “lets open a business doing this”. It’s pretty funny and crazy to think back and just say hey we can do this based off of that idea, but we took a shot, and it paid off. 
The amount of knowledge we’ve learned this year is insane. Neither of us were really interested in college or schoolwork because the subject matter wasn’t of interest to us, but when we are interested in something we become geniuses. We still have a lot to learn, there’s always room to learn more and more each day. I can say absolutely we can school the majority of people double our age on picks about a bunch of items. They just look at us with the “wtf” look. How do these kids know all this stuff?
A year later we have an amazing instagram following, a tremendous website, an inventory of items that fly off the shelves, and an a pick list that’s double sided upcoming.
Our instagram community has been amazing. From making sales and interactions with all our followers to getting feedback it’s been a very powerful tool for us. There’s no magical social media potion we use, but it’s more of a place to display the work we put in and image of us. The majority of that credit goes to Luke and his keen eye and photography skills. I know the work we put in, but I just don’t know how to translate that into a photograph for our viewers, he does. Our followers have went from 0 to 3,000+ in 1 year. It speaks volumes, and we appreciate every single person who at least gives us the opportunity to see what we are about.
Our website gets compliments from everyone who visits. Our view of what we wanted was completed by NJ Tech Team. Specifically Vin and Jess. Since we graduated High School with both of them, they knew us, our personality, and also listened to what our vision was. They worked their magic, and gave us exactly what we wanted. We could not have been any happier with the way things turned out. Looking forward to this year, expect our website to take it up a notch. We don’t want to give anything away so stayed tuned. Its going to be much more interactive for those visiting the site.
As far as picks- we’re expanding our search. There’s still plenty in our area but we’ve been traveling up and down the East Coast as a test run recently, and expect that to go full throttle in the new year. People are finding us now, as opposed to us finding them. Word is spreading quick on Tricity Revivals and we couldn’t be any more stoked about it. They’re finding us several different ways- from friends of friends, or seeing us at shows/sales, or finding our business card in a local eaterie. That ones always funny.
“Hey I saw your card at this bagel shop and figured I’d give you a call because I have some stuff you may be interested in”
Trust me its not always this simple but it has happened before more than once.
One thing that really sticks out in my mind this year: We had so much fun. All too often you hear about the dreads and sighs of going to work and its really unfortunate. I mean we had a blast-just looking back and remembering certain moments could still crack me up. I couldn’t even count on two hands how many times we were doubled over laughing throughout this year in all the different situations we were put in. We’re friends first, business partners second. We’ve spent a lot of time together throughout our lives but this past year it was more than ever. I can’t wait to do it again next year.
We’re excited about what the next year may bring. I think we’ve exceeded everybody’s expectations except our own really. There’s no one else doing this the way we are. There’s no business plan we can mimic off of, or no monthly subscription payments to be accepted. No latest and greatest equipment we can buy to make our jobs easier. I think we’ve dealt with those circumstances pretty well, and have thought up pretty much any idea thats associated with us or how we do business all on our own. Whether it’s a minor change or a major one, we’re always the ones bringing that to the table and we can only hope it shows to our audience.
There’s always more work to do and more knowledge to learn. With anything new in life you need that grace period to learn the ropes and make adjustments. I feel like that was this year. Neither of us knew what to expect, but we figured it out pretty quickly. We’ve experimented with different methods and formulas. Some worked, others didn’t. Either way we kept pushing forward. There will always be mistakes but you have to capitalize on them.
There weren’t many mistakes this year but we are far from perfect. I won’t even call it a mistake I’d call it a lesson learned. To name one:
We overestimated the value of a bunch of items on one of our first picks in the beginning of the year. The items were great and we just thought we could sell them for a lot more than we bought them for. It was a mixture of our error and the seller being greedy or delusional. He was a lifetime collector and he knew there was no money for us to make on the items but he continued to sell them to us for over retail and promised someone would pay the moon for these things. Lesson learned. We’re human. You live and you learn. It obviously didn’t break us and made us look at things a little differently going forward. It has never, and will never happen again.
No need to harp on that in this blog. Just trying to give a glimpse showing it hasn’t been neat and dandy all year.
It’s hard to write a blog and find compliments for yourself and your business, especially when our mindset is that we can always be better, but I have to say we made it a year and we’re gaining more and more momentum with each day, each pick, and each restoration job.
Speaking on restoration- Most people don’t realize this is one of our services, and just see us as pickers. We did get our start restoring free furniture but we can do much more than that, and have restored some great items this past year. Especially when we have our full Tri-City Team with us. Let’s be clear we’d rather not touch the item at all. It’s only original once! I’d say instead of calling it Restoration we deal more (and enjoy more) of doing Rust-orations. It’s the biggest trend in this game right now, and its exploding. It’s basically restoring something so that its in working order, but the outter part is untouched or touched up very slightly. It still gives that original look. As I said, its only original once. People dont want something that looked like it did brand new in 1950. They want something that looks like it was made brand new in 1950 and survived to 2018. We love it and couldn’t agree more.
What to expect of 2018? 
I honestly don’t know what 2018 is going to bring for us. I know we’ve had conversations saying we feel like we’re coasting a little bit at times. Admittedly, as we always say and think, we can be doing more, but if this is coasting than watch out if we’re going 110%. There’s a lot of things upcoming that we have to be excited for. We have a lot of really interesting and enormous opportunities that are ahead of us coming from all different ways. Some may work out, others may not, but it’s going to be an exciting time either way and I’m pumped to see how everything plays out. The relationships we’ve built throughout the past year will continue to hopefully form a stronger bond. All I can say is, I feel bad for the other side of those relationships if they choose to forget us, because eventually you’re going to remember the name. 
As our best friend and Tri-City Team Member always says, “You guys are playing chess, everyone else is playing checkers”. We’re two steps ahead already even though it may not seem that way. We’ve always got a plan.
Besides that, we are excited at the thought of finding new items this year. We’ve sold over 400 different items this year approximately. Every single one of those items we found in a barn, attic, garage, or home. We’ve shipped items all over the United States and Internationally as well. People will stop in from time to time at Tricity Headquarters and its always the same question
“Where the hell is all your stuff?”
“Gone. Sold”
Every single item we found we learned the background on, educated ourselves, and that’s where the knowledge I was talking about previously comes into play. Every item we shipped to someone who appreciated that piece which makes it all the more special. Everyone isn’t out there getting dirty and looking in barns or attics for it, but they will spend their hard earned cash on it. That speaks volumes to us. 
As long as time on earth continues, there is always going to be a market for vintage or antique items. Years go by, people don’t like the new stuff being made, so they go with something vintage. Or they just have great memories of something they had in their past and it’s not being made or sold anymore, whether it be decor or a functional piece. I wouldn’t say its a fad or a trend. This has been going on for much longer than we have been doing it, but the key is that now it’s in the spotlight. Not everyone can do this. I know plenty of people that do the same thing as us but they can’t sell an item to save their life. You can have a storefront, a big name, and a following but that doesn’t make you successful. Your reputation and work ethic will lead you to success. You have to put in the work, test out the market, learn the history, and be smart with your decisions. As long as we keep doing that Our Journey Will Continue.
Lastly, and on a side note: We want to thank everyone who took the time to help us out this past year. Family, Friends, and Relatives who were supportive from the beginning when all of this was just an idea. Spouse’s and our Fur Children who sometimes get put on hold when we are leaving you in the dust running out of the house for a pick or on our phones negotiating a deal or finalizing business opportunities-It doesn’t go unnoticed, and we cannot thank you enough for dealing with us. Even something as small as you giving us a like, or a follow, or a call, or bought something from us you have all had a hand in where we are at today. Thank You! God Bless! We look forward to sharing 2018 with you!
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