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madamelokiofasgard · 4 years

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A few weeks ago, I spoke up on Facebook (I know, Devil site I should have abandoned but an old best friend and her mom and sis wanted to see me around so I went back to catch up with them).

I spoke up about mask usage and noted that of my family wasn’t going to use them (making a note) then I wouldn’t bring my family around. As I have to take that precaution for me and my son and husband. I also spoke up about how I felt that it was silly to argue the quarantine and mask usage and saying it wouldn’t work when they are literally okay with the other usages of masks have been in long before this and for the same reasons.

I admit, I was a bit upset in my post. But I didn’t attack anyone directly. Just vented my frustration with how so many people were seeing it. But I suppose my mother couldn’t look past me using cuss words.

I’m 35 years old, and she came into my feed and asked me why I am so angry and holding hate in my heart for people that disagree with me, saying that I could have said it without curse words. She was treating me like a 10yr old.

I told her I’d didn’t want to fight either and that I loved her. But also that our beliefs were going to remain different and that was that. I was going to do what I get best for my family.

I haven’t spoken to her since then. In those few weeks, I only posted a single BLM gif. I tried not to post political things on my feed, only because I didn’t want her overly racist/islamaphobic/homophobic/transphobic/sexist/magat/conspiracy theory believing/rush limbaugh loving brother to come in to my posts trying to bait me into an argument. Because he does that. Even for innocuous things like having allergies and dealing with an ear infection. Coming into my posts with random right wing buzzwords to “trigger” his “lib” family member because that’s fun for him. Because he’s manipulative and condescending.

So, of course, he had to come and make an “all lives matter” rebuke. And in the same breath insult another group of people and call them terrorists saying their lives didn’t matter. I have been avoiding speaking to him at all. Simply ignoring him, because I know he’s just looking for a fight. So I calmly responded that no, all

Lives don’t matter unless we start treating them that way. And that was my final word on the matter with him. So he commented again. Condescending to me again thanking me for my final word then saying “I love you”. Something he does when he wants to patronize me and not take responsibility. As though he finds it all a joke when I’m being serious.

But I’d been having a good day. And his daughter (the old child of his who didn’t stop talking to him) liked my BLM post. Like a silent fist bump. So I finally did what I’ve been wanting to do for 20+ years. I blocked him.

I had not done so because, before fbook, I rarely saw him anyway. Once a year. Maybe. So I didn’t have to be present for his bullshit. So it was easy to just avoid him. But going back to fbook I remember why I left. His constant stream of hate and bigotry posts and shares. I never once went into his posts to argue with him. But he always argued in mine. My mom asked me why I was so angry and hateful, when her brother posts the things he does. It’s sad.

So it’s been refreshing not seeing her brother post in my feed. And I’ve been more vocal, especially during all of this. Now that I don’t have to see his posts every day and be careful lest he try to bait me. I was done being quiet. I found my voice again. It felt good.

But I haven’t heard from mom.

Not that it’s not unusual. We don’t talk a whole lot. Sometimes we’d go several months without speaking. But I knew something might happen if I blocked her brother. If she knows or found out or assumed. And I thought it would bring a fight. But I haven’t heard from her. Or seen her much. And she hasn’t commented on any of my posts.

But today is her bday. I was dreading it. Not wanting to fight. We’re on opposite sides, but I still want to attempt a relationship with her. My dad and I are on opposite sides too, but he doesn’t treat me like a kid. We hashed things out 15 yrs ago and so he listens to me and respects my opinion even if we don’t agree. He doesn’t argue. Our relationship is better than it was when I was growing up. But the relationship with my mom has been going the opposite direction.

I called her. And it went straight to voicemail. So I left a message there and on her fbook wall. Wishing her a happy bday. But, I suppose, if I get no response from her today...then. I guess things are really over. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but I’ve never had it go straight to voicemail with her. Or she usually called me back because she was grooming a dog or something. (her business). But...? Not sure where things are right now. And that’s a sad and scary feeling. I’m 35. She continues to treat me like a 10yr old. And perhaps I’m starting to realize maybe she always did, and maybe I was blind to a lot growing up.

I don’t know if it’s broken. I hope not. I want to try. Even as frustrated as I am with her stance on things. But she’s either gotten worse, or I just didn’t see how bad it was.

Not feeling good.

Sorry for the ramble or lack of read more but the app on here has changed so much, I’m not sure how to make it a read more. Anyway...

Time to find a way to fill my time while I wait to see if I’ve lost a parent....

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mutantrenegade · 7 years

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A quick and dirty guide to arguing politics with family (or anyone really)

So I’m sure I’m not the only one on this site who’s both very annoyed at the current political climate in america and tired of family members writing of anything you say as “liberal nonsense.” Here’s a guide that will hopefully help you have some conversations with family that don’t end in everyone being angry at each other.

1: Know the enemy

- Just so we’re clear, conservative (even Fox News conservative) does not automatically equal alt-right. It also does not automatically equal sexist, racist, Islamophobic, transphobic, etc. Don’t go throwing terms around on people who don’t deserve them. Which brings me to the next point.

2: Picking your battles

- Especially on social media, yeah you might be seeing a lot of stupid pro-trump crap on facebook, but arguing every single point family or friends make on facebook will lead to everyone writing you off as someone trying to pick fights or shut up about politics. (yeah i know they are doing the same thing but they won’t see it that way) At family events don’t try to jam political discussion into random discussion. If it comes up in conversation or there is a natural transition. If you do just want to talk politics, find a point where everything is pretty low key and bring it up more as a conversation than an argument (a great way would be something like “so what do you think of trump so far?” or “they’re thinking about repealing the affordable care act, what do you think about that?”) by bringing it up as a question you’re allowing the situation to be more of a conversation than an argument. Also if you cram a political fight into a family event, you’ll get everyone being mad at you for “ruining the get together, because you have to bring politics into everything”

3: Inform, don’t attack.

-If you’ve noticed a common theme so far in this post it’s keeping ya cool. No matter how loudly your uncle is shouting about how Trump is gonna “save this country from these lazy millennials who expect everything to be handed to them” you shouting at him that he’s just so wrong is gonna lead to a shouting match that no one will leave happy. I’m not saying you can’t be passionate about an argument, but your energy level should try to not reach above a loud voice. If they are personally attacking YOU, you can get mad no problem. But outside of that try to be calm and rational. Another thing to remember is you might be vastly more informed on an issue than your relatives. While you’ve been paying attention to things like black lives matter, the trans movement, feminism, what have you. What a lot of your relatives have seen on the subject has most likely been things other conservatives posted on facebook or Fox News. I’ve talked to people who think that BLM is a movement that basically wants black people to be immune from the law. You and I both know that this is ridiculous but your relative genuinely might not get this fact, instead of automatically accusing them of being racist, ask them what they think black lives matter is and explain to them how it’s actually just about how we think that if a police officer shoots someone who has shown ZERO signs of being armed then they should receive an actual punishment instead of like paid vacation. I’ve actually found a lot of conservatives agree with this completely and we actually have a good discussion about police accountability. If you go into a conversation under the assumption that you might know more about a certain social issue than the other person (without acting superior about it) versus them being horrible people. You will likely find that you actually agree on tons of stuff and they might actually learn something (I’ve actually gotten someone who’s 37 and idolizes the columbine shooters and still makes triggered jokes to understand and accept genderfluidity and they/them pronouns, it was insane.)

4. Be open to being wrong.

- A huge thing to remember is that you might be wrong. Now obviously you don’t have to admit that a whole argument is wrong if a few facts are off, but be willing to admit when certain facts are wrong and adjust your argument. It may even help to do a bit of research on main talking points before a gathering to make sure you have your facts right. It shows that you are intelligent to be able to admit when you are wrong.

5. Know when to quit

- This is another big one. If your relative is just being belligerently stupid about a topic and refusing to listen to you, walk away. If you find yourself just getting angrier and angrier about something and it’s getting harder to not just start attack them, walk away. Even if the other person does that smug “you’re walking away cause i’m too REAL for you and therefore won the argument” crap, leave it. They are clearly people who are just talking to masturbate their opinions and aren’t worth talking too. Just let them be delusional and in the future whenever they try to talk politics just make an effort to change the subject. You can even say you don’t want to talk politics because they just turn it into an argument to stroke their ego. Just know a lost cause when you see one, it will help you out a lot.

I might add more to this later but that’s all I have for now, I hope this helps you keep your head during family gatherings. ♥

#politics #masterpost #guide #arguing #liberal #conservative

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