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cherrycoloredfaith · 1 month

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BEAUTIFUL artwork for Kiss Off by my beautiful friend Ashley!!! she's so talented and beautiful thank you SO MUCH for being a part of this @ash-yuh

Kiss Off

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 5

Chapter 4

He left the bar first and set off down the road alone, getting to his car in a matter of minutes. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to breathe again. Driving aimlessly for nearly twenty minutes he realized he was leaving the city, going to the only other place he knew: Munson Construction. The storm clouds in his head that had vanished at the bar returned on the drive. The roads were dark, but the air was clearer out here, and Steve couldn’t get enough of it. The wind wrecked his hair, whipping it around as he took deep breaths. Steve wondered if he should just book it to Hawkins and give up on all this. Wondered if he was ever really meant to leave his hometown. Wondered if he really messed up and should have just married that girl from high school.

Parking in that same red dirt parking lot, he didn’t ask himself what he was doing because there was no point. He was going to wait it out, stay out of Robin’s hair and give her no reason to worry. Getting out of his car, he headed towards the front to lean on the hood and look out into the surrounding woods that reminded him of home. Except you could see right through them to the street lights beyond the thin cluster of trees. If he was in Hawkins, he could have looked out on a number of lakes within a few miles. Perfectly hidden and perfectly alone. Even out here, he could still hear distant cars from the busy highways, pulling him out of his reveries.

Steve wished he had a pack of cigarettes. Smoking never really tempted Steve until moments like these, where he was alone, searching for some sense of peace. Pausing, he remembered the key to the clubhouse sitting in his pocket.

Maybe Eddie had some in his locker or office somewhere? Would it hurt to take just one?

Steve tossed his keys in the air, caught them, and thought once again, fuck it, they gave him a key anyway, right?

A single light illuminated the steps going up to the door, the screen door slamming against Steve’s back as he bent to unlock the deadbolt. Once inside, he felt along the wall for a light switch and failed.

In the dark, his outstretched arms led his way around to the lockers, trying to use what little light came from outside the doorway. The red hard hat was the second locker from the right if his memory served him correctly, so once his hands made contact with the wall of open shelves, he started to rummage. He felt a small, soft cardboard box in the back of the highest shelf, thought, yes, and fumbled to open it in the dark. Just one.

Steve heard a creak of the floor and his head snapped up, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark hallway beyond that led to Eddie’s office. Nothing but pitch black.

Suddenly, a yell rang out–no, more like a battle cry. The lights came on in a flash, giving Steve just enough time to register the baseball bat swinging for his head. He cowered down, covering his face with his arms as he shut his eyes tight, preparing for the blow.

When none came, Steve peaked out of one eye at the scene before him. There stood Eddie, in Garfield pajama pants, bat still raised high, and hair coming out of its bindings–a look of utter confusion cast upon his face.

“Whoa, dude, what the fuck?” Steve exclaimed once he’d found his voice. Is this guy going to kill me?

“Me, what the fuck? No, you, what the fuck?!” Eddie retorted, not moving to lower the bat. He looked from Steve’s face to his hands where he still clung to the pack of smokes. “Did you come all the way out here for those? I could have told you where to get your own. Jesus fucking Christ.”

“No, Eddie, God, I was just–” Steve realized he didn’t have a good explanation for this situation other than the truth. “Look, my roommate needed me out of the apartment for a bit, I was just driving around, looking for somewhere to go and I ended up here.” He shrugged. “And I wanted something to do. What are you doing here?” Steve was pointedly not looking at Eddie’s silly pajama pants. The last thing he needed was to be punched by his boss for laughing at his sleepwear.

“Shit, well, no fucking point now,” Eddie sighed and rested the bat on his shoulder. “I live here, asshole.”

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, so he picked the first question that popped into his head. “Oh. So… do you normally go to sleep at 10:30 on Friday nights?”

Shutting his eyes, Eddie finally dropped the bat to his side, and Steve could breathe again. When he opened them again, he glared at Steve. “For your information, I was watching a goddamn movie.”

It finally clicked. “Why didn’t you say you lived here before? I thought that was your office,” said Steve, looking towards the dark hallway.

“Because not everyone knows. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, I just didn’t want to stay with Wayne anymore, and it was convenient. I pay him rent, but it’s nothing like what the city would cost me.” He looked defensive.

Steve just nodded, unsure of what to make of it all. Before he knew it, Eddie had walked back into his office–bedroom– and then returned with one shoe on his foot, the other in his hand, his bat nowhere to be seen. He hopped down the hallway trying to pull the other sneaker on.

“Alright,” said Eddie when he succeeded. “Come on, then.”

Steve didn’t move as he passed by, wafting a soft, sweet scent from his clothes. “Huh?”

“You need to waste some time, let’s waste it.” He was leading Steve through a door he hadn’t noticed before leading out of the kitchen. He grabbed a tin lunchbox as they headed outside. Steve followed as if on autopilot onto a surprisingly cozy, covered back porch, fit with a table, chairs, and even a couch and coffee table that made up for the missing furniture inside. It looked homey.

Eddie set the box down to plug in some string lights that provided enough illumination for them to see one another. They sat on opposite sides of the couch; once Steve saw Eddie prop up his feet, he did, too, hoping to give any semblance of a relaxed state–when, really, his heart was hammering in his chest.

When Eddie opened the lunchbox in his lap, Steve immediately got a whiff of what was inside, and he prayed a silent thank you to whatever fates led him here. Eddie looked over at Steve with a grin. “You seemed like you’d need something stronger than those.”

That was the second time Steve forgot about the cigarettes clutched in his palm; he decided to set them down and nod as a sign of his gratitude.

Then, Eddie started to roll his own joint as if he’d done this a million times. Steve even saw that he had proper rolling papers. He watched him with fascination while Eddie focused on his task. No words were spoken between them, but something about the silence felt comfortable. No, not comfortable, but… anticipating. Steve stared in awe at how relaxed he was, delicately licking the edge of the paper to hold it closed. Eddie’s hair was almost completely out of the low bun it was in and long strands dangled down, creating a curtain around his eyes. Steve had the urge to brush it aside.

“How’s the sunburn?” Eddie asked.

“The what?” Steve blinked out of his trance. His heart was pounding.

“Dude, you’ve got to snap out of it. Did I scare you that bad?” Eddie leaned in, searching Steve’s eyes for something.

“No, no, I’m fine, I swear. Thank you.” What was he thanking him for? Steve was screaming at himself on the inside, begging him to regain his cool. “I’m so sorry–for barging in like this. I can go, you don’t have to let me stay.”

“I know, Steve. It’s cool. To be honest it gets… a little lonely living out here, not being in the city. Your presence is welcomed, for now.” He shot Steve another smile and began to light the end of the joint. Steve starts to wonder if Eddie has already done this once tonight based on his low, honeyed voice, the slightest glaze over his eyes.

“Where’s Wayne’s?” wondered Steve.

“Closest suburb to the east of here. Not ten minutes down the road when there’s no traffic. I just needed some space to learn how to take care of myself, but still save some money.” He took a drag. “And to smoke without worrying about Mrs. Wheeler next door calling the cops,” he added, chuckling devilishly low as if it was something that actually happened.

Steve took the pass, inhaling deeply, trying to hide his little coughs. “What movie?” he asked as he stretched his arm back out for Eddie to take the joint from his hands.

Eddie looked over and laughed. “Can you speak more than two words at a time?”

Steve rolled his eyes and snatched his hand back, moving it out of Eddie’s grasp to take another hit. “Fine, fine! I mean, what movie were you watching before I broke into your house?”

“Technically you didn’t break in, you have a key.”

Steve flushed. “That’s another thing to get back to. Are you avoiding the question?”

“Never. I was watching Back to the Future 2,” he said matter-of-factly, chin held high as he took back the joint, fingers brushing Steve’s, sending a shiver up his arm. “Arguably, the superior of the two films. With triple the Michael Fox. ” Eddie looked up at the lights dreamily.

“Dude, what? You’re lying to me. The original is so much–wait, what?” he asked, caught off guard by Eddie’s last words.

He laughed, “Kidding, Harrington! So far, the original one reigns supreme.” He winked, but his gaze didn’t linger. “That was actually going to be my first time seeing it until…” he gestured to the two of them sitting on the couch.

The confusion Steve was experiencing at Eddie’s implications caused him to flush again. “Oh,” was all he said in response. Maybe he should ask him if he’s into guys. “So why give out keys to literally your home? Does everyone have them?” Steve screamed at himself in his head.

“Usually I don’t have to worry about anyone I work with thinking anything valuable is inside. Tonight I was sorely mistaken. And no, not everyone has one, but anyone needs to be able to get in, so…” Eddie shrugged. “It’s worked out for me so far. I keep my room locked too during the day, so don’t get any ideas.” He smiled.

Steve decided not to ask why he received one after his first day, and instead decided to change the subject. “My roommate wouldn’t really have kicked me out herself, but I knew she’d want the place since she was the only one getting lucky tonight.” Oh, God. Why did he have to bring that up?

“Ahhhh, are we in love with said ‘roommate’? Here on a feel-sorry-for-yourself evening escapade?” Eddie tilted his head to the side, peering at Steve through lidded eyes.

“No. Seriously, it’s not like that. She’s my best friend. We went to this place downtown… near Pennsylvania Avenue,” Steve was cautious with his words, but he couldn’t help it. He had to know. “I forgot the name. Do you know any bars over there?”

Eddie met Steve’s eyes, but his were unreadable. “Yeah, I know of one. Did they play a lot of dream pop?”

“Yes!” Steve exclaimed, trying not to sound too overly excited that Eddie picked up on a similar detail as him. And appeared to have visited the same bar as him. This probably meant he was cool, but he still couldn’t tell anything about him. He should just ask. “Yes, that one. Red door?”

Eddie nodded, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Tell me more about her. Your roommate.”

Steve got lost in talking about his best friend for a moment. He was familiar with giving the usual exposition of how they met working at an ice cream parlor but had gone to school together for years. They were inseparable ever since, up until she graduated and decided to go to college, which Steve hadn’t got in. He was so grateful she was close by, but he always felt that he couldn’t follow. When Robin’s scholarship finally let her live off campus, Steve was elated to come join her somewhere new.

“So, she’s the whole reason why you're here?” Eddie asked.

“Kind of. She’s who really got me out of my hometown,” replied Steve, shrugging.

“Hmm, sounds like you might be in love with her…” Eddie repeated. “Why else would you want to move just to work such a shit job with such a shit boss?” He gestured to himself, topped with a sickly sweet smile.

“Seriously, dude, that ship has sailed. Or never even made it in the water. Or doesn’t even exist. I don’t–I don’t see her like that,” Steve answered, not sure if Eddie could pick up on what he meant. The weed was starting to cause his thoughts to swim around in his head. “This was the only job I got called back for.”

“Oh,” said Eddie. The joint had sat forgotten between his fingers as they spoke. Now, Eddie lit it once more, taking a drag. Instead of turning his head to blow the smoke away from Steve like he had before, he leaned in, locked eyes with him; he blinked slowly as he directed his exhale at Steve’s face in a powerful gust. Steve groaned, made a face and put up his hands, pretending to be bothered by it while his stomach did somersaults; he had to fight to not stare at his lips. “Guess Wayne was desperate, huh?” Eddie kidded.

“Hah, yeah, I guess so,” Steve nervously laughed to shake himself out of the trance Eddie put him in. He knew Eddie was reasonably joking, but it wasn’t far from what Steve suspected was the truth. But speaking the words out into the world of his failures didn’t hurt as much with the weed in his system. It didn’t feel so much his own fault as it was the nature of the outside world. Life outside a small town. Simple truths you learn as you age. Finding a job is hard, being gay is dangerous, etc.

A quiet silence fell over them as they finished those last puffs of the joint. It was comfortable, but Steve couldn’t help but feel the absence of the words between them. It was nearing midnight according to Eddie’s digital watch on his wrist. Was it really just hours before Steve overheard Eddie complaining about him? Saying he was going to “ruin everything”?

Steve jostled at the memory, the same concerns from before settling in. He had to ask.

“Eddie… What happened last summer?” Steve urged.

Their eyes met again. When did they get so close? Steve could see the expanses of Eddie’s brown eyes. They suddenly darkened, and it was as if Steve was being pulled forward ever so slightly.

Then, Eddie pulled his legs back, leaned forward, and propped his elbows on his knees, putting distance between them as if nothing had happened. He looked out to the darkness of the woods ahead.

“Nothing that actually concerns you. I’m sorry you heard me yell,” he revealed, defeated and ashamed. “This guy on my crew last year, he caused a lot of problems. Didn’t treat Max well either.”

Steve’s stomach flipped again; so Eddie was referring to him with that outburst. Steve wasn’t sure what this last guy had to do with him. He hadn’t caused any problems like that, right? He barely remembered what he did that day. Steve paused, taking in the information; he had that same feeling again, that there was more to be said about his guy, but before he could pry further, Eddie interrupted.

“Anyways, you might want to be heading back before it gets too late. You good to drive? I don’t have anywhere for you to crash,” asked Eddie.

Taken aback, Steve nodded, feeling dismissed. They stood to walk inside; Steve paused to assess how high he was only to find he was hardly buzzed. He was surprised, certain that he felt so much more a second ago.

Steve couldn’t tell what Eddie was thinking as his face was blank when they walked along a dirt path in the trailer to the front door. Eddie held it open for him as Steve tried to think of something to say.

“Thanks! For hanging out I mean, and the smoke.” Steve hoped he was successful at attempting to sound casual. In return, Eddie gave a familiar grin, nodding once and shutting the door behind him without another word.

Steve stood there for a moment, wondering why bringing up this guy set Eddie off so badly. He wished he could have stayed for longer, but it was getting late. Sighing, Steve brushed off his nerves and walked towards his car to head home.

As Steve drove that evening, despite abruptly being sent home, he couldn't help but to be hopeful. Steve could drop the whole last summer issue if Eddie could. He imagined himself enjoying himself at work, making Eddie laugh, making him proud. Becoming his friend. Really learning how to do the work. He smiled to himself as he walked up to his apartment. He didn’t even feel so lonely when giggling drifted up from under Robin’s door. Steve went to bed in his new room finally feeling a little at peace. He fell asleep to the image of Eddie’s smile behind his eyes.

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #fanfic #art #kiss off fic #hehehehehhehehehehehe #steddie au

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chimcess · 16 days

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Waterlog || pjm (3)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 12.2k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: toxic relationship (not reader and jimin), arguments, cheating (not reader and jimin), talks about previous child abuse, anxiety attack, strong language, crying, emotional abuse (not reader and jimin), talks of bad parental relationships, abandonment issues, some PTSD, prescription medication use, mentions of depression and mental health, lots of angst in this one, finally making some progress though, age insecurity, mutual pining, lots of side character development in this one, they really are so sweet together, jimin just being the nicest boy in the world, so much PDA, physical touch is his love language 👀👀👀, writing this is so comforting even when its angsty lol, i think that's it, let me know if I missed something A/N: Hello hello. Probably my favorite chapter to date. Bad news is that I think this series might be a little longer than originally intended. My inability to just get to the point has things moving a little slow, but I'm trying my best. We'll have to see, though! Hope you enjoy reading :)

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Time went by quickly. Wednesday and Friday morning, Jimin and I met up to train for a few hours and then got breakfast together. When he asked if I wanted to work out with him in the evenings, I agreed. In the beginning, I had given him pointers, but after the second week came to a close, we had started exercising in silence. We spotted one another, made small talk, and went to dinner on the nights he did not go home to be with his parents. We got along and I was happy my overwhelming attraction to him had slowly calmed down.

I was still aware of his presence, the way he smelled, and how often he smiled and laughed, but I had grown used to seeing him walking around in barely anything at all. Hoseok called me a cougar whenever we had time to chat while Andy kept telling me to talk with Jimin about how I felt, but I had gotten very good at deflecting. Things were better and I was taking my wins whenever I could get them. Even if those wins meant I went home sexually frustrated and aching for someone to make it better.

Jimin was packing up for the night and I was getting ready to head out. He had plans with a large group of his friends, so I would have to figure out dinner by myself this time. He invited me but I politely declined. I could vaguely recall how rude his friends from that restaurant had been, and that one girl's mean glare. I had no interest in repeating that.

Giselle waved at me on her way out which I returned with a smile. She was a very sweet, college girl and getting to know her was fun. Her brother moved out here six years ago and was the only reason she left Memphis. In-State tuition and a rent-free bedroom was all it took to convince her to spend some quality time with her big brother and his dog, Lucky.

She and Sam were the closest, but I would often see her eating lunch with Megan when he was with a client. Everyone was making bets on when they would eventually hook up, but I was convinced that had already happened and they were keeping it a secret from the nosy staff.

"See you tomorrow," Yoongi called out from across the room, seemingly appearing out of thin air.

He was out of eyesight before I could reply.

"Bye Yoon," Giselle sing-songed anyway, shoving her ear buds in and leaving before the door could close behind Yoongi. "Night guys!"

As the young woman said, Yoongi and Megan were the two most important people to befriend. Not just for massages either. The both of them were hilarious and kept the back fridge stocked with our favorite snacks. On the mornings I did not have time to eat breakfast, Megan stopped and got me a muffin and coffee from her favorite cafe. If I needed someone to help me out in the pool, Yoongi was always happy to offer himself for the job. It was challenging for me to focus on my swimming when Jimin was around, and I would often come in early to get a quick work out in before he got here.

“You okay getting home?” Jimin asked.

We had come together tonight, and he had offered to drive us in his truck. I had grown very fond of the green machine, which Jimin affectionately called Fiona, and I jumped at the chance to get in his passenger seat. We were usually riding around in my car since it was better on gas.

“Yeah, I’m riding with Sam.”

Sam and I had grown close as well. He was super funny and always down to hang out with me if I showed up by myself. On the odd Sunday I felt like getting out of the house, I found myself at the gym with Sam. I was currently attempting to teach him how to swim and always filled in for Yoongi on the weekends.

Jimin nodded, “Good. See you this weekend?”

I smiled, “Can’t miss your big party.”

Jimin’s 24th birthday was on the 13th and his family liked to go big. Eloise was clearing out an entire section in their restaurant for all of us, and I had found myself teamed up with Taehyung to help with the planning. Na-Yeon put everything in his hands since she was not feeling up to the task this year. I only agreed to help when I realized just how overboard the snowboarder would go if no one was there to reel him back in. So far, I had placed the responsibility of decorating, music, and organizing the gift table on my shoulders. James had pulled me aside and thanked me when he found out. Apparently, he was also worried about Taehyung’s enthusiasm.

“It should be fun,” He nodded. “I’m going to head out.”

“See you tomorrow,” We had finally started coming 5 days a week. "We're working on your turns. Butterflies, too. Be prepared.”

He groaned, “You’re torturing me, coach.”

I laughed, “Is the baby upset?”

“Very,” He winked. My mouth went dry. Sometimes I felt silly for getting nervous around him, especially when I knew he flirted with everyone. I was not special. “See you Saturday.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled as I stared at his retreating back. “See you.”

Jimin’s birthday passed quietly. We had a great time and ate well. Taehyung got drunk enough to suggest karaoke once we cleared out the place for the night, and he and Na-yeon had all of us cracking up. I finally met Jungkook’s girlfriend, a pretty girl who did not talk very much, and I could feel the tension between the two of them. Jimin said that was just how they were and to ignore it.

After Jungkook successfully shoved Jimin's face into his cake, we opened presents. The boys got him tons of workout clothes and gear, Eloise bought him a new blender, and his parents both chipped in to get the new video game he had been talking about picking up.

I gifted him a bottle of his favorite cologne after Na-Yeon mentioned he was out. Jo Malone was the most distracting thing in my life right now, its scent clinging to the passenger side of my car most days and driving me insane if Jimin stood too close. Still, it was something I did not think I could part with now. Jimin was happy with the present and hugged me after opening it. I was positive I had this stupid grin on my face for the rest of the night.

By Halloween we were in the gym every day, save Sunday and the occasional Saturday when Jimin needed some time to rest. We both kept our word, our conversation at the restaurant we went to with Jungkook and Taehyung sticking better than I thought it would. Overtime he got more confident when asking for a break and I was a professional at picking up on his body language. We were a good team, and I was confident he would be in great shape for the Olympics.

It was mid-November now and Taehyung had finally gotten around to getting us together for the sushi date in Detroit. I had just gotten out of the shower when Jimin messaged he was going to come along. His mom had a rough Sunday and could not go to their usual dance class, so he had stayed with her instead. He looked worn out when he walked inside the pool room Monday morning so instead of training, I just sent him home. We were meeting back up on Wednesday to get back to work, but it seemed Jungkook’s nagging finally convinced him to come out with the rest of us.

My relationships with his friends had also started to improve. Taehyung had added me to their group chat a few weeks back and I had tried to keep up with them as often as I could remember to. It was not difficult. They text so often I had to silence notifications for the chat, but I had to admit they were really funny. Jungkook especially.

I was happy to spend time with everyone and getting out of the house sounded nice. Violet and Calvin were great, and I did enjoy eating dinner with them sometimes, but I would be lying if I said they would be my first choice to spend time with.

I had grown close enough with Taehyung during the partying planning that his bubbly, over the top personality had become more endearing than overwhelming. We had gone to lunch a few times together, his boldness only increasing with each meet up, and he could hold me hostage for hours if I let him. Milo was typically my saving grace, and Taehyung would leave with a wet kiss to my cheek and promises of the same time next week.

Tae: Y/N should pick you up

Jimin: Why???

Kookie: Your truck is ass

I chuckled and sent off a text of my own before going to my dresser to find something warm to wear.

Me: I don’t mind driving

Me: Don’t hate on the truck. I like it.

My phone chimed a few times but I ignored it for now. I knew I wanted to wear a pair of dark, navy jeans. It was freezing outside so a long sleeve was a must, but I could get away with just two layers. My hands found a mustard-yellow turtleneck and I smiled. I could wear my brown boots with it. Happy with my outfit, I checked on the chat.

Jimin: U sure?

Tae: The truck is GREEN

Tae: Already a crime

Kookie: It can’t go over 60

Darcy: omg stop blowing my phone up

Darcy: just ride with her dude

Jimin: Y/N?

I rolled my eyes. I hated when he did that. Jimin had the habit of double and triple checking in with someone. It was sweet but it also drove me insane. There was nothing more I disliked than repeating myself, especially if I already agreed to something.

Me: I’ll pick you up in 30, k?

Jimin: Thanks

Darcy: Was that so hard?

I frowned. So, Darcy was in a bad mood then. Shouldn't take it out on Jimin, I thought. Even if she was having a bad day, something that seemed to be a reoccurring theme with her, it doesn't mean she can just talk to people like that. Fighting the urge to give into my annoyance and call her out, I tossed my phone on my bed and made myself finish getting ready.

Walking into the living room, I went on a hunt for the jacket I wanted to wear. It was the same color as my leather boots with sherpa trim. It would tie everything together and, I hoped, would keep Taehyung from complaining too much about the “offensive” color of my shirt. He had a hard time accepting anything in the yellow or green family. Finding it on the sofa, I nodded and left it be. I would grab it on my way out.

It took me more time to get my hair figured out than anything, but once I gave up and did the same thing that I did every day, it worked itself. After that, I put on a little bit of makeup since I figured it would not take me very long. This was a casual outing with friends and the dim lights of the sushi place would give me some grace if things were not perfect. A nice base, simple eye look, and a layer of mascara already had me looking more awake than I had in months. After applying a layer of lip gloss and a misting of setting spray, I was out of the door, jacket keeping me warm, and purse tucked under my arm.

I drove in silence, like I always did, and pulled onto the curb of Jimin’s house. Sending a text to the chat, I waited for him to come out. I was a few minutes later than I said I would be, but Jimin found a way to be late for everything, so I did not feel that bad about it. Taehyung and Milo were already on leaving Ann Arbor, and Jungkook and Darcy riding with them. They would only beat us there by fifteen minutes or so, but I hoped he would hurry up and come outside. Taehyung worked hard for those reservations.

My phone vibrated and I stared at the little device in my cup holder. It was weird how my anxiety fluctuated on a daily basis. Back home, I could talk on the phone and hold a conversation behind the wheel, but ever since I came to Michigan it felt like I had taken three massive steps back. Taking a few deep breaths, I told myself that I was safe. I was parked, completely stationary, and no one was around. No traffic meant no accidents. Sucking in a harsh breath, I picked it up.

Jimin: Be out in a sec

Jimin: Just making sure mom is okay

He had not left his mother’s house in days. I was worried about Na-Yeon, but I had to believe that Jimin would tell me if something was seriously wrong with her. I had truly started to feel connected with the woman. We joked over dinner and I found myself helping her out more and more each time I came by. It would devastate me if she passed away without me knowing how bad it had gotten.

Me: Take your time

He came out only two minutes later. Wearing a heavy, black puffy jacket and tight pants, Jimin leisurely walked over and got into the car. His cologne hit me as soon as the door opened, and I bit my lip, trying to hide the deep inhale I took. Jo fucking Malone.

He smiled at me but otherwise kept quiet as I drove. He knew I had a difficult time behind the wheel and tried his best to keep conversation light. While I normally appreciated the sentiment, I did not want to make him sit in silence for 45 minutes. Opening and closing my mouth a few times, I struggled to come up with a good conversation topic.

We often bounced from idea to idea, mostly sticking to swimming and music, and I always found our little talks to be very insightful. Movies and tv shows had been fun to bond over, a small generational gap introducing us to shit we had never heard of before. There were so many things I could bring up, things that Jimin would jump at the idea to talk about. Still, I could not find my voice.

“So,” I started, awkwardly, trying to push past the blockade of anxiety. “Is this place as good as Tae says or is he going off on one of his rants again?”

Jimin chuckled softly. “It’s pretty good, but it’s still just sushi. Taehyung finds a way to make everything sound extravagant.”

We shared a quiet laugh.

“It was nice of him to invite me,” My hands gripped the wheel tighter. We were starting to approach more populated areas. “He didn’t have to do that.”

Jimin snorted childishly, the sound relaxing me ever so slightly. If there was one thing I hated was driving at night. I was lucky the snow had stopped falling yesterday afternoon and the roads were clear, but a part of me wished I had asked Jimin to drive.

Traffic in Saline was lighter than any town back in Colorado, and driving around was a breeze in comparison. At home, you were lucky if there was only one accident a day, but more times than not I had been stuck on the interstate for hours because of multiple car crashes. Michigan felt less hectic; safer. Not safe enough to let my guard down, but safe enough to listen to Jimin when he spoke.

“Taehyung is just that kind of guy.”

I nodded; eyes glued to the road. I wanted to say something and keep our conversation flowing, but the more cars around us the more I tuned him out. My eyes flickered between my rearview mirror, side mirrors, and windshield rapidly as I drove. Once we were out of Saline and on I-94, I loosened my grip on the wheel. We would not hit much traffic until we were closer to Detroit.

Jimin stayed quiet and looked out the window. I wanted to thank him for being so understanding, but I knew he would not want me to. I kept my thoughts to myself and focused on the road. Jimin began to hum an unfamiliar tune.

My hands were shaking when we pulled up to the restaurant. Traffic had gotten pretty bad coming into the city, but we had picked a good day to come out. Jimin hummed and sang underneath his breath for most of the car ride, and we had a few small sporadic conversations when I felt the knots in my stomach loosen for a few brief moments.

"It's been forever since I've come here," Jimin said to himself, going to unbuckle his seat belt. "It looks pretty filled up."

Bash was a sushi place across from Wayne State University's football field and was one Taehyung’s favorite restaurants. He bragged about how delicious their food was for weeks before finally wearing me down with the promise of picking up the tab. He made reservations for their omakase, or “chef’s choice,” and promised I would get his obsession.

When I talked to Megan about it, she had said it was an expensive meal, so I was going to try and force myself to enjoy it regardless of my own personal feelings. Jimin seemed to like it here, and we usually enjoyed a lot of the same foods, so it made me feel a bit better about things.

I had to park down the street and spotted Taehyung’s Mazda a few cars away. Instead of getting out, I took a few moments to gather my composure. Jimin sat beside me patiently. He had grown used to my traffic anxiety. We had driven together so many times now, and he had gotten a taste of the worst of it a handful of times.

He had only asked about it the first time we rode to the gym together, completely frazzled and unsure of himself as I hyperventilated in the driver's seat. My hands trembled violently as my palms sweat profusely, and I let myself shed a few tears once we were parked. He reached out, placing a hand on my back, and quietly asked me what was bothering me.

“Red light,” I managed to wheeze out. They were doing some construction on the main road and things started piling up. I had gotten stuck in the intersection for just a few seconds, but it was long enough to send me into a blind panic. “Anxiety. Sorry. Need a minute.”

He helped me calm down, calming down to help me through my panic attack. We played a game of I-Spy, Jimin picking out the most obvious shit and saying the most random things to point out in order to make me laugh. When I felt a little better, he got out of the car to help me get out. After that he kept quiet about my obvious driving discomforts, but stuck close just in case I needed the support, and always offered to drive.

“Ready?” He asked when I grabbed my phone out of the cup holder.

“Yeah.”

We walked inside and the hostess made light conversation while she walked us to the back. Taehyung's laugh could be heard from the other side of the room, and his bright blue hair and vibrant eyeshadow stuck out like a sore thumb in this place. Milo was dressed in all black, his arm draped around his fiancé's shoulder, and a smile on his face. Jungkook was beside him scrolling through his phone, but Darcy was nowhere in sight. Glancing at Jimin, he seemed exasperated.

“Trouble in paradise,” He murmured, leaning down so I could hear him. I had to imagine their relationship was very exhausting and took its toll on their friend group. I knew how much it sucked being caught between Tilly and Hobi back in the day. “Here we fucking go.”

Taehyung jumped out of the booth when he caught sight of us, his fluffy, white cropped top riding up, revealing even more of his tanned skin. The snowboarder wrapped his arms around my waist and snuggled my hairline, showering me in compliments. Gold hoop earrings tapped my forehead, and his belly button ring was cold against my ribcage. He was happy to see me “dolled up” for once and forgave how ugly my shirt was since I looked “so cute.”

Milo gave me a slight wave, eyes never leaving Taehyung's bouncing body as he embraced Jimin, and Jungkook put his phone down to greet us. Darcy had gone to the bathroom and from the look on Milo’s face, Jimin’s was right about trouble in paradise. Whatever was going on, we were all about to fall witness. It made my stomach churn just thinking about it.

Our waitress brought a new pot of tea, asking us if we needed anything, before leaving with the promise of the first course coming out soon. Darcy almost slammed into the poor woman on her way back to our booth, her annoyed huff making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. When she sat down beside her boyfriend her entire body was rigged and face pulled together tightly. She did not spare us a glance as she sulked.

Darcy was a very beautiful girl and it made sense why Jungkook liked her so much. Tanned skin, green eyes, and black hair, the girl had one of those bodies most women would pay thousands of dollars for. Like Taehyung had said, she was a pleasant enough person, and we did not along well enough to hold a conversation, but there was no hiding the fact that Darcy was not a nice girl. In fact, I would venture to say she was very, very mean.

I saw it firsthand at Jimin’s birthday party. I had a moment where I felt myself panicking. Overwhelmed with all of the noise and people, I excused myself and called Andy to get my head back on straight. The women's restroom was tucked away in a small hallway and allowed me the space to shed a few tears. I was just starting to calm down, Andy's words of encouragement getting back to some sort of baseline, while I rubbed cold water on my neck. That was when I heard Jungkook on the other side of the door.

He was angry and when I told Andy I needed to go, I had every intention of going out there to talk to him, but another voice beat me to it. Darcy had been in a bad mood since she walked through the front door, her shitty attitude bringing down the party every time she opened her mouth. At first, I just brushed it off as an off night, something I could feel empathy towards, but then she opened her mouth and stopped those thoughts in their tracks.

The two of them were serial cheaters, and Jimin had alluded to that being their main issue when I asked about her attitude problem earlier that night. Eloise was the person who gave me the whole story and was not afraid to voice her dislike for the older girl. This was different from Milo, a guy who she clashed with due to their night and day personalities. Darcy had actively picked on and made fun of her growing up, and bullied her older sister while they were in school together.

Darcy, according to Eloise, started the back-and-forth cheating when they were in college. Instead of going their separate ways, something I doubt anyone would have blamed Jungkook for doing, he chose to get even. After fucking one of her sorority sisters, Jungkook made his way through the entire house within the span of three months. In retaliation, Darcy slept with a couple of guys from the NHL, something she still did to this day.

On the night of the party, she was still fuming over catching him with another woman a few days prior. Trapped in the bathroom and too afraid to let them know I could hear them; I suffered through five minutes of a couple’s quarrel I had no business being in the middle of. It was an eye opener for sure and made me avoid getting too close to either of them.

Darcy was very mean and spiteful, her words meant to cut him deeply with little care about how it would make him feel in the long run. She even brought up screwing one of his rivals to get back at him, something she had done on numerous occasions, and went as far as to compare the two men in bed. It helped to explain why Jungkook hated Jackson Wang so much.

Jungkook, despite how much I enjoyed him as an individual, was just as awful. He spent most of the argument defending his bad behavior by bringing up her own and took no accountability for his actions. He could have sex with all of Michigan and it would be justified because she cheated on him first. It was all very juvenile, and I tried my best to avoid them for the rest of the night.

“Bet they can’t go ten minutes without fighting,” Jimin mumbled in my ear.

I fought back a smile, leaning into his side. Physical touch was the swimmer’s love language and I had slowly grown accustomed to small touches here and there. So, it did not catch me off guard when his arm came around my shoulders, resting just above my head, hand gently brushing against my neck. The voice in my head often wished he would do it more often.

“She won’t start something before the food gets here,” I reasoned, stealing a look at the couple. Jungkook seemed fine, but from the look on Darcy’s face that might change soon. “I’ll say twenty.”

“What are we bargaining for?”

I laughed awkwardly, “Whatever you want.”

Taking a second to think, Jimin eyed the couple across the table. Taehyung and Milo were obviously extremely aware of the couple's awkward tension and tactfully ignored them, instead giggling about some inside joke. They were a very sweet pair. My weariness about Milo had dissipated over the last few weeks, but I could understand why he and Eloise could not get along.

Lou herself had admitted to being a bit of a stuck-up teenager back in the day, and Milo was the typical small-town stoner. They constantly butt heads when they were in high school, and just drifted apart with age. Taehyung and Jimin's friendship were the only reason they were in the same circle anymore, and the two just never spoke to avoid pressing buttons.

“I want to do something together,” Jimin finally said, I smiled, trying to ignore the snarky comments Darcy was making. The arguing was starting, and I felt my neck growing hot. Did they have to do this in public? “Get dinner or something.”

“We do that all the time,” I countered, half-heartedly paying attention to him.

“Denny’s doesn’t count," He mumbled.

The waitress finally came back with a large tray of sushi in her hand. That seemed to break up the argument momentarily, but Darcy did not seem pleased to be interrupted. Stuffing a large piece of ahi sashimi in my mouth, I sparked up a conversation with Taehyung to keep myself from having another meltdown. Beside him, Milo sent me a grateful look.

The rest of the table was silent, waiting for the fight to resume. Taehyung kept smiling painfully, but I could see the panic bubbling in his eyes, and for once I saw a small crack in his otherwise well-crafted facade.

“I didn’t mean just getting food,” Jimin finally continued when we hit a lull, and it took me a few seconds to remember what he was talking about. “I meant… going out.”

I looked at him, eyebrow raised. His cheeks were puffed with scallops and I wished we were alone. This was not a conversation I wanted to have in front of the others, especially if he was insinuating what I thought he was. I did not want to jump to conclusions, but I was sure he was asking me out on a date. Even if it made me feel jittery thinking about it, I had a difficult time finding the voice to say yes. Saying no felt just as impossible, though, and I wished he would have picked a better time to bring this up. Whatever the hell this was.

“What are you asking me?” I whispered, taking another piece of fish off my plate, sneaking a look at Taehyung and Milo.

They were too wrapped up in one another to being listening in on us. I did not even bother checking in with the other two. I knew for a fact they did not care about anybody else but themselves.

“You know,” He replied.

Dating was not off the table, and I was more than happy to indulge myself, but I was worried about crossing this invisible line I had drawn. What would people say if they found out? A coach and her trainee, and even worse, the older woman and her much younger man. I could see the headlines now and it made my palms sticky. That would not be a good look for either one of us, and I did not want our personal relationship to affect Jimin’s career.

Putting my chopsticks down, I leaned away from him. “Can we talk about this later?”

He nodded, meeting my eyes, and I was relieved to see he was not upset. I had seen him angry a few times now, and he wore it on his sleeve with pride. Jimin was not afraid of his emotions, something I found extremely attractive, and it was nice that all I could see right now was understanding. Whatever happened he would hear me out, and I had to hope he would be understanding. I just had to be sure I did not fuck anything up.

Across the table the bickering had started again. Our waitress brought out the rest of our meal, sans desert, and seemed happy we were enjoying the food. She eyed Darcy wearily and left our table in a hurry. I felt horrible for the wait staff who had come to our table. They were all getting the nastiest looks from the dark haired beauty.

“Do we really have to do this now?” Jungkook sighed, running a hand through his hair roughly. His face was red and expression tight. “In front of my friends, dude? Are you serious?”

I cleared my throat, grabbed my tea and took a long sip before sinking into the booth and praying no one could see me. Jimin’s arm dropped, and he squeezed my shoulder in comfort. I let myself melt under his touch. It always felt nice when his hands were on me, his warmth burning hot like a furnace even in below freezing temperatures. Taehyung’s eyes were bulging out of his head now, his bottom lip trembling as he tried his best to keep the conversation between the four of us light. He had stopped trying to include the other two.

“You two seem close,” He gritted, fakeness coming from him that I had never encountered before. “Glad you were able to sort that out.”

I looked over at Jimin and saw his cheeks had gone pink. So, Taehyung knew something I didn’t. It would make sense for the childhood best friend to get the scoop before the chick he’s known for two months, I had definitely vented to my friends on more than one occasion, and my curiosity was peaked.

“I'm working on it,” Jimin replied, taking a big gulp of water. “Thanks, Tae," He breathed, rolling his eyes.

I stifled a laugh. He was so cute when he was embarrassed. I made a mental note to ask Tae to explain what he meant when we had a chance to get lunch. I had a feeling the snowboarder would be more than happy to divulge that little piece of information.

“Talking about me to your friends?” I teased, trying my best to ignore the ever-growing argument across from me. The butterflies in my stomach were a helpful distraction. “Good things, I hope.”

He cracked a smile, face and neck flushed. “The best things.”

Such a flirt.

I bit my lip and looked away. Eating was a nice way to interrupt the electricity that was enveloping us, and I gorged myself on octopus and tuna. Whatever the hell these dishes were, I had to admit the sushi here was the best I had ever had. I would never doubt a recommendation from Taehyung again.

The conversation started flowing easily after that. Jungkook and Darcy were at a stalemate and were relatively quiet on their side of the booth. With the atmosphere lightening, Milo felt good enough to start telling us his latest work stories. He was a firefighter along with all three of his brothers. His father was promoted to chief about five years ago but was coming up to his retirement. The only one of his siblings to avoid the fireman fate was his baby sister, but had still managed to find a job at the station.

"You guys must be close," I laughed in disbelief.

“It’s the family business,” He joked. "Rosie is our new EMT."

Taehyung spoke excitedly about his upcoming competitions and was really hopeful he would win enough to qualify for the Olympics this year. Milo and Jimin both reassured him multiple times while I tried my best to keep up with everything he was talking about. I had very little knowledge of snowboarding, so I was having to constantly interrupt and ask for clarification. No one seemed to mind, and eventually Jungkook joined in to talk about his upcoming hockey games.

The Red Wings were having a good year, and he was proud of his team for working as hard as they did. As a goalie, he did not do a lot of skating, but his job was one of the hardest on the team. From what I knew after watching a few games on tv with Jimin's family, Jungkook was one of the best goalies in the NHL who was highly sought after. He had been offered millions to transfer to the New York Rangers, but out of loyalty he turned them down.

“I’ll take you to a few matches if you want,” Jimin offered. “Kook can get us tickets whenever.”

I smiled, “That sounds like fun.”

“Milo and I go all of the time so we can sit together,” Taehyung interjected, his shoulders relaxed for the first time since we got here.

Darcy was quiet and stayed on her phone. Jungkook was pretending she was not here, and it helped keep the arguing from starting again. I was not sure how long the truce would last, but I hoped they could hold it together long enough for us to finish eating.

“So Y/N,” Milo mused, taking a piece of fish from Taehyung’s plate. “Have you ever thought about competing again?”

I laughed nervously, “For a time, maybe. My injuries make it hard for me to swim the way I used to so I decided to keep it as a hobby.”

It was not a complete lie, but I knew I might be able to get back into competitions if I put in the time and effort. I hated the thought of being back in the spotlight, cameras shoved in my face, only to lose and give them more to talk about. I was still recovering from the trauma they inflicted on me after the accident. My leg injuries just gave me the perfect excuse to keep my distance.

He nodded, eyebrows knitted, “I didn’t know you had medical leave. What happened?”

Jimin tensed up beside me.

“I was in a car accident,” I replied. Talking about what happened did not bother me as much as it used to, and Milo seemed genuinely interested in the answer. “I had to get a full knee replacement on my left side, and a full hip replacement. I should have lost my leg, but the doctor on staff recognized me and brought up my profession.”

Milo whistled, giving me a sympathetic look. “Leg? You could have died.”

“Well,” I breathed, finishing off my last piece of fish. “I pulled through though, so it wasn’t all bad.” I fiddled with my shirt, pretending to smooth it down as I played it cool. "Anyway, I have nerve damage in my leg that makes me get really horrible cramps and twitching if I overwork my muscles. It sucks but coaching is really fun, so I can't complain."

Blatantly lying wasn't something I did often, but I truly hated reliving the months of physical therapy. Unable to walk or talk, I was stuck in that hospital bed for weeks and then got sent home to watch my closest friends wait on me hand-and-foot. When I wasn’t in physical therapy, I was with my SLP. When I wasn’t with her then I was in bed, crying into my pillow, and wishing I had never woken up. It was an extremely dark time in my life, one filled with chronic pain and overwhelming depression, and talking about it made me emotional.

“Anyway,” Taehyung sent his fiancé a pointed look. “Kookie’s next home game is in two weeks.”

Happy to be out of the spotlight, I began to talk with Jimin about changing our schedule around so we could attend the game. Taehyung was excited to get me some Red Wing merchandise, and Jungkook quickly began to boast about his prowess on the ice. Darcy scoffed beside him and I felt the group tense up.

“You’re so cocky, Ian,” She taunted, eyes glued to her phone. “I heard Avalanche was doing really well this season.”

I knew from the group chat that the Red Wings and the Colorado Avalanche had a long-standing rivalry. It had started all the way back in the mid-90’s and reached its peak in 2002. While the intensity had dissipated over the years, it had recently spiked up again due to Jungkook and Jackson Wang’s ongoing feud. The only reason Darcy would bring that up would be to piss her boyfriend off.

“Hm,” Jungkook smirked, chuckling darkly. “Who told you that?”

I held my breath, already guessing where this was going. The tension from earlier was thicker than ever as we fell silent. Darcy put her phone on the table, flipped her hair over her shoulder, and looked Jungkook in the face as she replied.

“Jackson.”

It was dead silent for a few seconds. Then, without waiting for a response, Darcy kept digging the knife in and twisting. She called him ugly, said he sucked in bed, brought up all of the ways Jackson was better than he was, and went as far as to bring up his father's affair. Jungkook could not get a word in as her silky voice dropped lower and lower, words cutting deeper and deeper, and eyes growing brighter as she watched his expression fall. I learned something tonight. Darcy enjoyed hurting Jungkook.

"Why are you doing this, dude?" Jungkook's voice was thick with emotion. "You're acting like a fucking child. It's embarrassing."

“Holy shit,” Milo groaned as their voices got louder. “Are they being forreal right now?”

“Babe,” Taehyung scolded, the forced smile still plastered on his face. “Language.”

“You weren’t embarrassed when you fucked that girl” Darcy screamed and I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably. “Why should I feel bad about airing out my dirty laundry? Everyone here knows how much of a whore I am anyway, isn’t that right, Ian?”

“Keep your voice down,” Jungkook hissed, eyes glassy. “You’re causing a scene.”

Taehyung and Milo looked as mortified as I felt, both of them staring at Darcy in horror. The entire restaurant had gone silent. Eyes were glued to our table as they argued. She shouted about him getting his dick sucked in their bed, and Jungkook was just angry she was acting like this in public. It was Jimin’s birthday all over again only this time they knew people were watching and did not care. Taehyung’s smile was finally gone and replaced by trembling lips and fidgeting hands.

“Take that shit outside,” Jimin cut in, voice cold and hard. Darcy glared daggers in our direction. “You’re going to get us kicked out.”

Darcy opened her mouth to argue but was interrupted by the waitress coming back and demanding our party leave. Taehyung began to apologize profusely while Darcy stormed out of the restaurant, bumping into numerous people roughly without looking back. Jungkook was hot on her heels, breathing heavily, and eyes glossed over with unshed tears. She shouted that Jackson was outside and for Jungkook to go fuck himself. Jungkook didn’t reply but I knew he was not expecting the other man to be here. I sure the fuck wasn't.

An arm wrapped around my shoulders, “Hey, calm down. Breathe.”

I had not realized I had been holding my breath. Turning my head, I was taken aback by how close Jimin was. Our noses brushed together, his breath hot against my cheek, and I jerked away, heart racing. The butterflies were swarming now, and a shiver went down my spine. His arm dropped and I immediately missed its warmth. Flustered, I scooted out of the booth and kept my head hung low. I was so embarrassed, and I could hear Taehyung’s voice starting to wobble as he handed over some cash to the waitress for the trouble. No one was going home happy tonight.

“I’m so fucking pissed off,” Jimin grunted, keeping in step with me. Milo was attempting to get a now hysterical Taehyung calmed as they followed behind us. “I don’t know why Tae invites the two of them anywhere.”

I shook my head, “It’s not his fault. She needs to get some self-control, though. That was so rude and uncalled for, and for what?"

“They both owe him a fucking apology,” He sighed harshly.

The guests of honor were already in a very heated screaming match when we finally made it outside. Whatever had been brewing inside had clearly reached its peak, and neither one of them was willing to back down. Jimin’s arm was back around my shoulders as he tried his best to shelter me from the strong winds that were kicking up. Looking at Darcy and Jungkook all I could see were my parents and it caused me great discomfort. Maybe I should try to call my dad again and make sure he was alright? He rarely answered but at least it would cut some of the edge off of my anxiety.

“Why are you acting like this?” Jungkook shouted, pulling at his hair. “What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?”

“You!” Darcy shrieked. “You! You! YOU! You’re the problem. This is all your fault!”

Jungkook called her a crazy bitch and Darcy slapped him across the face before stomping off. A sleek red convertible was waiting for her on the curb, a well-groomed man behind the steering wheel. He smiled and waved at Jungkook before speeding off, Darcy already attaching her lips to his neck and not sparing any of us a second glance.

“What the fuck!” Taehyung shouted, sobbing and clinging to Milo.

I was surprised he was able to hold himself back for that long. He seemed hellbent on strangling Jungkook as soon as he was able. I stepped to the side watching a man I had never seen upset shove Jungkook backwards. Any resemblance of a smile was gone now, replaced with a snot-nosed, red eyed man with bared teeth. Jungkook stumbled, barely keeping his footing before shoving the other man back. Milo was quick to defend his fiancé, pushing Jungkook so hard he stumbled, fell on his ass, and cried out in pain.

Jimin’s arm gripped me tighter as he stared at the scene unfold in silence. His clenched jaw, however, told me how angry he was. I briefly wondered what he would be doing if he was not so focused on keeping me warm.

“That was so fucked up,” Taehyung cried, wiping his face roughly. “I told you both to keep that shit at home or don’t come!”

“She started it! It’s not my fault-”

“Dude,” Milo shook his head, wrapping his arms around Taehyung. “It doesn’t fucking matter. That’s your girl.”

As the three of them argued, I tried to decipher the look on Jimin’s face. He was angry, that was very apparent, and I felt my own anger finally start to rise. He had been dealing with so much shit and on his first night out in ages this happens? It was unfair and ridiculous, my frustration over the entire situation making me want to go over and push Jungkook around, too. However, I knew that was not the way to handle this. Truth was, he was not the only person to blame for how badly the night had ended. Darcy was the main instigator.

“Are you okay?” I asked Jimin, stepping away from his tight embrace. His arm was still around my shoulders with no sign of moving. “I’m sorry everything got so shitty.”

He nodded, face softening when he looked at me. “Just worried about Taehyung. He was really excited about tonight.”

The yelling was finally starting to calm down and I was happy that they were talking things out. I did not think I could handle the screaming for any longer. I had been a bundle of nerves since I left my house, and my fingers trembled at my sides. I could hear my mother’s voice echoing in my head, though I was positive it was distorted after so many years. Sometimes when her and dad fought, she would find me hiding in my closet and pull me out, hands leaving my skin tender from the harsh grip she had on my arms, before telling me to clean up the broken dishes from off the floor.

“Come here you little shit!”

She hated me; hated being a mother. I could remember how much I wished she would hold me like the other kids' moms held them but was too afraid to ask. One time I drew a picture of her at school and she never even looked at it. Instead, she smoked her cigarettes at the dinner table and watched Law and Order. If I really thought about it, she threw the drawing away. It was too dirty. Just like I was too dirty.

Mom had germaphobia and considered me one of the dirtiest things she had ever seen. I was not allowed in their bedroom because of it. Dad went along with it like he did everything else. When he wasn’t drinking, he was sleeping or in the garage. I hoped he was doing okay. Danielle seemed to be just as controlling as mom had been.

“Where’d you go?”

I startled, whipping around to find Jimin staring at me. His expression was gentle and calm, and I was suddenly aware of the harsh chill nipping at my wet cheeks. I had not noticed I was starting to cry. Strange. It had been a long time since those memories had been brought up.

“Are you okay?” He asked, rubbing my arm. “You looked lost.”

I nodded, quickly reaching up to pat the tears away. It was a good thing my mascara was smudge proof or else I might look even more pathetic. I am 31 now and it felt stupid to cry over things so far in the past. Things I had not had to deal with in well over 20 years. Dr.Wolfe would disagree with me, but she wasn't here.

“Yeah,” I nodded, voice thick. “Just zoned out for a second. Eyes must have dried out.”

It was a bad lie, but a lie he accepted. Squeezing my arm one last time, he finally moved away to give me a bit of breathing room. That was another thing that I always appreciated about the guy. He never overstayed his welcome, even if he wanted to. Taking a second to compose myself, I mindlessly fixed my hair and adjusted my clothes. Nervous habit.

“I think everyone’s heading home for the night,” Jimin said, nodding his head toward the other three men. “They seem cool. You ready to leave?”

I shrugged, “If you are.”

He nodded and walked over to the ground. I gave myself another moment to gather my thoughts. The worst of it was over and I doubted those memories would make themselves known again. With the screaming over it would not take long for my head to get itself straightened out. I might ask Jimin to drive us back, though. I was exhausted, and frankly, I did not think we would be safe if I was behind the wheel. Nothing worse than an anxious driver.

Jungkook was ashamed of their behavior tonight, and when I joined the others, he was quick to throw a million apologies in my direction. I accepted them all easily but knew it would take me a few days to fully forgive him. Tonight was a lot. Hopefully I could speak with Taehyung privately and ask him not to invite the couple out with us. If I never had to see Darcy again it would make my stay that much easier.

“I think we’re going to go home,” Milo said once Jungkook walked away. He was planning on calling an Uber so Tae could have a bit of space. “My little flower is burned out for the night.”

I smiled sadly, “Are you sure? We can always try something else.”

Taehyung’s head snapped in my direction and I wanted to scoop him up in my arms. His face was puffy from crying and eyes still misty. He was quick to nod his head and reached out to take hold of my hands.

“You still want to hang out with me?” He whimpered.

I had only said it to cheer him up not thinking that he would actually go for the idea. I had never seen him so distraught before and Milo seemed convinced that he was over having fun. Stealing a look at the blonde, he gave me a grateful smile but otherwise kept a watchful eye on Taehyung.

“Of course I do,” I finally replied, squeezing his large hands. “Tonight wasn’t your fault.”

His lower lip started to wobble again and next thing I knew I was in a very tight, warm hug. Taehyung cried into the crook of my neck. He was worried I would not like him anymore because of the fight. I awkwardly hugged him back, hoping my calm reassurances would soothe him. We really needed to get from outside the front of this restaurant before they called the cops.

“It’s alright,” I said, trying to gently remove his arms from my waist. “We’re still friends, I promise.”

After another minute of crying, Taehyung was back in Milo’s arms. His face was red, and his nose was running, but the sobs had stopped. Jimin placed a hand on my lower back and started to bounce a few ideas off of Milo. It was late, but from the sound of things, our get together was not over. I could not say for certain if this was a good thing or not, I did need to have that talk with Jimin. If we were out too late there was no way for me to promise I would not pass out in the car.

“Uh,” Jimin thought for a second. “If we’re still hungry there’s Pie Sci and Woodbridge is right down the street. There's also that park a few blocks away."

I shrugged, “Whatever’s the best?” Looking at Taehyung, I made sure that he was feeling well enough to hang out. “I won’t be upset if you want to go home. It was a rough night for all of us.”

He sniffled and nodded. “I’m just really tired.”

Jimin and I said our goodbyes and I promised the blue haired boy I would call him in the morning to set up another meet up. He called it a group date, something neither Jimin nor I disagreed with, but it did make me feel queasy. Depending on how our conversation goes, we may never spend time together outside of training. I felt like I was going to vomit.

“Let me drive?” Jimin murmured as we parted ways with the couple.

I nodded, digging in my purse to find them. “Mind reader, I swear. Get out of my head, kid.”

He snickered, “Who says you weren’t in mine, granny”

The queasiness dissipated and I felt like I could breathe a little bit easier now. Being alone with Jimin had never felt this nerve wracking before, not even the first time we met, and it was hard to explain all of the thoughts and feelings going through my head. We were finally having the talk, but I had never imagined it going this way. Handing him the keys, I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Whoops,” I mocked. “You know me and my bad eyesight, kiddo.”

“Watch it,” He hissed, rubbing the spot. “Don’t want you breaking anything. You know you have frail bones.”

I laughed, “Don’t make me give you a knuckle sandwich, punk.”

Sliding into the passenger seat felt less daunting after the light hearted exchange. Still, my blood was pumping as Jimin clicked his seatbelt in place. I had no idea when the conversation would shift into murkier waters, but I needed to start thinking about what to say to him.

Denying my feelings would only make things worse, and I did not think the younger man would believe me. In fact, he would be offended that I thought he was dumb enough to get bamboozled in the first place. Lying did not seem like the right call anyway. My feelings were not something to feel ashamed about, but they were very frightening.

“When is later?”

I gasped, startled out of my thoughts. We had been driving for over ten minutes already. Time seemed to slip by when I was lost in my own head. Jimin apologized for scaring me but repeated the question once I reassured him that I was fine.

“Now,” I mumbled. “I guess later is now.”

Turning on the blinker, Jimin switched lanes smoothly. He was probably the best driver that I knew and always made sure to keep my little quirks in mind during our rides. He had even gotten used to leaving the radio off when I was around, something that I appreciated more than words could ever say. Recognizing that I was stalling, I cleared my throat and tried my best to get my jumbled thoughts across.

“As much as I would like to go on that date,” I started, voice weak, “I’m just a bit concerned with how that might affect our ability to work together.”

There we go, I thought to myself mentally patting myself on the back. That was not as hard as I thought it would be. Leaving out a few details would not hurt anybody, and it was the main cause of concern for me. My age was definitely up there, but I doubted Jimin would understand my perspective. To him I was just older, but to the rest of the world I was this cougar on the prowl for young men to help me relive my glory days. Even my own friends thought it was funny to make fun of the age gap.

“Is it only because of that?” Jimin pressed, his voice telling me that he was still reacting positively to whatever was coming out of my mouth. I was refusing to look at him, fearful that he would see through me. “Or is there something else bothering you?”

“W-w-well-” I stammered, “There is the media frenzy to think about. Sejin is already dealing with the press and your ‘out of character’ seclusion this season. Then there’s the age gap. I just-” I struggled to find the right words. Having let my insecurity slip out, I lost my flow and scrambled to get back on track. “Look, I haven’t done this whole dating thing in a really long time, and I don’t want that to get in the way of being a good coach. Ozzie put me in charge of you, and my reputation is on the line.”

I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Mouth dry and palms sweaty, I forced myself to look out of the window as I spoke. Anxiety had been something I dealt with for as long as I could remember, and it only got worse the older I got. My hands and fingers trembled in my lap as I tried to steady my breathing.

In all of the dreams I had about Jimin, and there had been quite a few at this point, this moment had never felt so real and raw. We were always in these picture perfect pieces of heaven, sunshine beaming down on us, and the words I desperately wanted to say fell from my lips with ease. It was simple and sweet, and yet profound and beautiful. I could wax poetics and put myself thoughts together so eloquently he had no choice but to say yes to me.

Reality was different. Here I was stumbling over my sentences and stuttering my way through words. Instead of taking his hand with mine, I was fidgeting with shaking fingers and desperately hoping he could not see just how uncomfortable I was. I knew he did. He always noticed. My heart was racing so fast I was afraid it would burst. Had he turned the heart up? It was boiling.

“I just want to know how you feel about me.”

“Hm?” I squeaked, unable to form any real words. My mouth was too dry.

“I’ve thought about all of the same shit,” Jimin continued, voice as smooth and calming as ever. “I don’t care about any of that. All I want to know is how you feel about me.”

“You know,” I replied, wheezing. Talking felt impossible. “You know.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Taking in a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and began the mental countdown. My therapist taught me the technique years ago and I always found it to be helpful. I did this a few times until I felt calm enough to open my eyes.

“Are you alright?” Jimin asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded, finally feeling my heart rate slowing. “A little anxious.”

“Don’t be,” He placed a hand on my knee. “It’s just me.”

And he was right. It was just Jimin and I in my car, but that was also the reason I felt so suffocated. There was nowhere to run or hide in here, and if things went south I was stuck with him for half an hour. Trying not to let those pessimistic thoughts send me back into a panic, I began to mentally point out things in my car.

Air freshener. It's green. It smells like pine and lemons. I want a new scent. Jimin likes to buy this coconut and mango one that smells like candy. I will buy one like his. I love the smell.

I let out a heavy breath. Everything was fine. He was not upset. He just wanted to know how I felt about him. Nothing more nothing less. My heart was settling, and my fingers were no longer shaking.

“I like you,” I choked out, placing my hand over his. “But you already knew that.”

He gently laughed, flipping his hand up to intertwine our fingers.

“Yeah, you’re a terrible actress.”

I groaned, leaning my head against the window. As much as I tried kidding myself, there was absolutely no way he did not see the way I looked at him. I always knew when his flirting took on a more serious edge, like when he called me beautiful after seeing the scar on my leg for the first time, so it should not have been surprising that he picked up on a thing or two. Still, it did not make it any less embarrassing.

“How long have you known?” I asked, peeking at him through my lashes.

“I mean, I had a feeling when you first got to town, but I wasn’t completely sure until that first training day.”

He laughed at my embarrassed groan, holding my hand tighter. I knew I wasn't subtle enough. Poker face champion, my ass.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” He cooed. “You’ve been my dream girl since I was, like, 15.”

“That's not helping the age gap thing,” I tittered as I played with his fingers. Then, because I could not help myself. “Dream girl, huh?”

Picking up on the teasing tone in my voice, Jimin chortled.

“Okay, big head. Calm down.”

“Big head?” I guffawed, pulling my hand out of his grasp. “Who are you calling big head, shortstop?”

“You, big head,” Taking back my hand, Jimin pinned it down and kept a tight grip. “No take backs.”

I always loved it when Jimin was in a good mood. He was so playful and full of energy, and all signs of those dark days were in the deepest parts of his mind. It was impossible to keep myself from playing along which only served to egg him on.

“You never said yes or no.”

“Yes or no to what?” I questioned.

Jimin started rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

“To that date.”

Saying yes felt wrong, but saying no felt impossible. No matter what I said someone would be upset, and I had to decide who that would be: Jimin or America? I turned my own hand around this time and put my fingers through his. They fit together awkwardly, his hands just a bit too large, but I still found it perfect all the same.

“Do you have any ideas?”

His shiteating grin was contagious and a burst of butterflies began to flutter in my stomach. Hands clasped, Jimin started to list off all of the places we could go, but I was not fully listening. I had a date with this guy. I was going on a date with my trainee.

“What do you think?”

I blinked rapidly, hoping he could not tell that I had zoned out.

“You pick,” I breathed. “Surprise me.”

The rest of the drive back home was spent making small talk and discussing food preferences. Jimin was a dinner and a movie kind of guy, while I would rather do some sort of activity. What type of conversation could we have in a theater? Jimin seemed excited to plan out a fun night and I was just happy he was this into me. The feeling was most definitely mutual.

“Do you mind if I go to my house tonight? Mom needs some space and I know my dad is tired of having me breathing down their necks.”

I had yet to go over to his house. The days that we drove together were when he spent the evening with his parents. When Na-yeon and I talked about it, she was more upfront about her health situation than the men of the house. James spent most of his time taking care of his wife and their son enjoyed giving him a break every now and then. James would go on a fishing trip with his friends while Jimin stayed back to keep an eye on his mother.

“Is it closer to town?” I asked, nibbling on my lower lip.

I had yet to drive through downtown Ann Arbor. The Park house, and by proxy the Anderson’s, was a thirty minute drive from the bustling city. Nestled in the smaller town of Saline going towards Manchester, I had rarely had to leave the small town. This trip to Detroit was the farthest I had gone since arriving in Michigan, but I had a feeling the traffic in downtown Ann Arbor would be a bit much for me to drive through alone.

“Yeah,” I felt even more nervous by his nonchalant tone. “I used to live downtown, but I got tired of the noise. I bought my house in Eberwhite last summer, so there’s a little less foot traffic.”

“How’s the drive back to Saline?” Even I could hear the hesitation in my voice.

“Less than twenty,” Rubbing the back of my hand, his voice took on a sweeter tone. “We don’t have to. My truck’s at my parent’s place anyway.”

“Maybe some other time?” I forced myself to laugh, hoping to make the awkward tension leave. “Preferably when it’s not dark outside.”

I relaxed into my seat once I started seeing familiar landmarks. Saline was a very small town with a little over 2,000 residents, but downtown still had a way of attracting a relatively large crowd. Stoney Creek Brewery was packed and Jimin pointed out Sam’s car as we pass by.

“Looks like he came out with Otis and Skye,” He murmured.

Otis was another personal trainer at the gym, and Skye was responsible for marketing. They had been going out for a while now and made plan to move to Ann Arbor once Otis graduated from school. He was getting his masters in movement science at the University of Michigan. They had planned on moving out there when he graduated last year, but neither of them could find a job that could pay their bills. Otis was hoping the master’s would give him a competitive edge while Skye saved up enough money to start her own advertising firm.

“Think Gigi is with them?” I wondered.

“Probably not. She’s busy studying for an exam. I saw that she requested time off tomorrow and the day after, so I don’t think she has the time to go out for drinks.”

Giselle was getting her bachelor’s in dental hygiene at UM, and everytime I spoke to her she was swamped with work. I had no idea she needed to request time off, though. Must be an intense program.

“Did you ever go to college?” I asked Jimin.

He nodded, “I got my bachelor’s in psychology.”

Well, I had not been expecting that.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but I never went back to get my master’s,” We turned onto the long road that led to his parent’s house. “I might after the Olympics.”

It was interesting to hear about his goals post-swimming. I never had those. My entire life was going to be swimming, and then, once I could no longer compete, I was opening my own swim school. After a couple of years of coaching under my belt, the plan was to start training professional athletes until I could join the Olympic coaching team. The accident was a very traumatic and eye-opening experience for me, so most of those plans ended up getting changed and modified over the years.

“What about you?” Jimin asked, pulling up to the curb.

“I went through an accelerated program at UCCS. Just graduated with my Masters in Athletic Training back in April.”

Neither one of us seemed to be ready to break the bubble we created. Even if we were just talking about school, it felt too intimate to leave. Holding hands in my car was new and I was worried if I opened the car door all of this would turn out to be a dream. The date, the confession; all of it.

“I should get going,” Jimin sighed, still not moving his hand from mine. “It’s late and I have to drive home.”

I was the first one to move away. He was right. It was almost midnight and I had a really difficult time tonight. All of that yelling really took a toll on me. Jimin did not move until he heard the click of my seatbelt unfastening.

“See you tomorrow?” He asked when I rounded the car. Getting out of the car, he held the door open as I slid inside. “I know we were out later than we thought we’d be.”

I nodded, “We can have a late morning. 8:30 instead of 6.”

“Sounds good. See you then.”

He closed my car door and jogged to his truck. It was parked in the driveway today. I pressed the button to roll my window down.

“Drive safe!” I called out.

Looking over his shoulder, Jimin grinned and threw a hand up. I watched him climb into Fiona and tried to keep myself from worrying too much. It was so dark outside and he could be exhausted behind the wheel. Who knows what could happen to him.

He caught me staring and waved at me again. I returned it with a small smile. The truck stopped for a second and his phone was his hand. My cell phone vibrated in the cupholder.

Jimin: I’ll be okay

Jimin: Text you when I get home, k?

Looking back at the truck, I found him already looking at me. I nodded my response. He smiled at me again, waved, before finally backing out of the driveway. I did not move until I could no longer see his truck in my rearview. My phone buzzed one more time.

Jimin: At the stop sign on Woodland and Ann Arbor-Saline

Jimin: Go home. I’m here. I’m fine.

I hesitated texting him back when I knew he was driving, but decided that I would just have to trust he would not open it until it was safe.

Me: Get out of my head, kid

Finally putting my car in drive, I threw my phone back in its spot and made the ten minute drive down the road to the Anderson house. All of the lights were off when I pulled up and I was as quiet as a mouse walking to the backyard.

I was beyond tired but still needed to get my nighttime routine done. Stripping out of my clothes, I turned on the shower and took off my makeup. Tonight wasn’t a wash night, so I was not in the shower for long. I heard my phone vibrating as I put on lotion and I quickly threw on a night shirt and went to my bedroom.

Jimin: Who says you aren’t in mine, meemaw

Jimin: I’m home now so you can get some sleep

Jimin: Night, geezer

I snorted. That was a new one. Crawling into bed, I got comfortable under my blankets and thought about a good comeback.

Me: Thank you

Me: Geezer? That’s such an geriatric thing to say, you whippersnapper

Jimin: LOL night 🫰🏼

Me: Night 🌜

I quick sent Taehyung a text to make sure he and Milo go home safely before putting my phone on the charger. Jungkook sent a text to our group chat an hour ago to let us know he was in his apartment back in Detroit. He was in Ann Arbor so often since Darcy lived out here, but he had bought a multi-million dollar home in Corktown when was first signed to the Red Wings in 2019. Milo was the one to reply to my text, signing his name at the bottom, since Taehyung passed out in the car on their way back home.

I took my medications and started up a game of solitaire while I waited for them to kick in. My psychologist had sent me to Michigan with a three month supply. I was planning my first trip back next week so I could see the boys in time for their first big competition of the season. While I was in town, I would pick up another three month supply. We were making the arrangements work as best as we could, and I was lucky I had a large group of people willing to support me during this transition.

Finally I felt the sleeping pills kicking in and I went to my white noise app. I hated falling asleep in silence and Emery had suggested the app while we were in a session. I paid for a yearly subscription and never regretted the fifty bucks. It had been a huge help in lulling me to bed.

Lights out and blankets wrapped snugly around my body, I closed my eyes and thought about everything that had happened. Jimin liked me back, asked me on a date, and told all of his friends about his infatuation with me before I even realized something else was going on. I was his dream girl. That put a lazy smile on my face. Then, I could no longer think about anything and was plunged into a dreamless sleep.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae @adventures-in-bookland

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hellfire--cult · 8 months

Text

Baring Teeth {Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader} - Ch. 11

Edit of Eddie: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Masterlist (Go here to see list of chapters, plotline and general warnings.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU, Mechanic!Eddie

⚠️This chapter contains: Angst, traumatic past briefly, mentions of cancer, anxiety and nervousness

wc: 7.8k

A/N: It's starting to look brighter, isn't it? 🥰 I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this!

Anyways, Enjoy! ❤️ And don't forget to always support me by hitting the reblog button or leave a comment!

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CHAPTER 11

“I made her cry.”

That was Eddie’s excuse. One that almost got him to get kicked out from Nancy’s party, and he was going to leave, all for the sake of not telling anyone about your past. You defended him by saying that he let you hit him, and everyone was confused at that, but by the look on your face and your reddened eyes, no one pressed on the subject.

You told everything to Robin the next day.

“I can’t believe you went through all of that… I promise, I won’t hurt you like that, I don’t want to see you hurt like that.” Those were Robin’s words as she hugged you, tears running down her face as you sobbed onto her shoulder, staining her white blouse with your running mascara. It was going to be hard, trusting someone like you had trusted Camila or Henry in your past, but Robin was already there, and all that was left was this small step of telling her everything.

She was also angry that Eddie got to know about it first, but you explained to her that he made you snap and it just slipped out of your mouth. You simply exploded, and deep in your heart you kind of thanked him for that. A small part of your heart of course. Robin now understood why you hit him, and her respect for Eddie stood like always thanks to that, because Eddie never let anyone hit him again, not after what he went through in high school.

Because of everything that happened, you still didn’t break the news of your new relationship to the group. You weren’t going to steal Nancy’s spotlight on her birthday, and then you were just too broken, with wounds wide open through the week. Billy came by to take care of you, almost everyday, not even knowing about what was going on with you, but simply staying next to you, cuddling you, pampering you, giving soft kisses on your forehead until you felt like getting back onto your two feet again.

“Whatever happened, I’m here for you baby, okay?” He whispered over and over to you, and the warmth you felt for him was growing each day. You never thought he would be an attentive boyfriend, yet, he has been proving you wrong for weeks, and this week in particular just made you more and more vulnerable to him. You were letting down your walls, slowly, and maybe you can tell him about this past of yours, but now, it wasn’t the time, not when it was this fresh.

“Liana wants to see you in her office.” Your thoughts were completely cut off as you looked up from your cut ups and small paragraphs as you arranged a page for the magazine. Robin was looking at you with a confused look on her face, and she simply shrugged at you, not knowing what your boss wanted. You slowly stood up from your chair, your heart increasing its pace because she was still your boss, despite the friendly conversations you might have with her, she was still your superior.

“What could possibly be the issue? I gave all the final reviews in time.” You say to Robin as she walks with you towards the elevator. Your thoughts were processed quickly, trying to think if you missed something, a picture in a page maybe, but no, you checked many times before handing in the final project. Maybe it isn’t even something bad and you’re just going crazy in your head.

“I really have no idea, she just told me to call you after leaving her the word samples.” You bit your lip nervously, as you pressed the button to call the elevator. You looked at Robin in a panicked mood and she rubbed your shoulder with a small smile to her face. What Robin didn’t tell you was that Liana looked angry of some sort, or simply in a bad mood altogether. The metal doors opened and you stepped in, waving at Robin and pressing the button to the second floor.

You had no idea what’s going on, Liana didn’t call you to her office unless something happened, an emergency or something was catching on fire basically. You were hoping it had nothing to do with your projects, because you were completely sure you gave them in even before the deadline and you rechecked everything like three times. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, making you take a deep breath in and step out. You greeted Carol, the receptionist that was just chewing gum while filing her nails. She gave you a nod to go to Liana’s office and you felt your feet just sweating as you opened the door and closed it behind you.

“Liana, you called for me?” You say to her figure that was deep into a folder that was on her desk. She looked up at you from her glasses and she motioned for you to come over and sit down. You gulped because she always greeted you with a smile, and this was not one of those times. You walked over to the chairs across from the desk, sitting on one, crossing your legs and waiting to hear what she had to say. She sighed and pushed her glasses down, leaving them on the desk to look at you.

“I did call for you…” She tapped on the folder that was on her desk once and it sent a chill down your spine. “I really care for you. You know that. I am not here to be a villain, I really am not…”

“I am… not really understanding.” You mumble to her and she sighs, pushing the folder towards you. You frown as you hold onto it, flipping it open for your eyes to widen slightly, your heart in your throat as you look at the contents.

“You know it is against company policy to date clients, don’t you?”

You were starting to breathe heavily as you stared at the picture of you and Billy at a restaurant, evidently taken by a paparazzi. You sometimes forget he is a famous model, and his popularity is rising, a fanbase is being created, and the paparazzis are driven by greed and selfishness. You gulped heavily again as you raised your head to look at your boss again.

“I can explain–”

“No need. Ralph already bought those pictures so they won’t be published. I also know from Ralph that you are officially dating Mr. Hargrove.” Fuck, goddamnit Billy. You closed your eyes as you felt your career falling into pieces at all of this.

“Liana, I– it happened so suddenly, I swear I had no intention of this happening, or even searched for it myself… We just– talked a lot.” You tried to talk but you knew that your throat was beginning to close up on you, your guts turning wildly with nervousness and anxiety.

“I won’t meddle in matters of the heart. But you know about this policy, yet you still dated a client.” You licked your lips, looking down at the picture of Billy and you, just smiling at one another, and you felt your tears coming towards your eyes. Your mind started racing because everything was fresh and you could just cut everything off right now because you didn’t love Billy, not yet, and you didn’t want to risk your years of college and your experience in this job and the position you’re in for a fling that only started almost two months ago.

Yet it still hurts you, deeply.

“I– I can break it off, I mean, I don’t want to lose my job, and we haven’t been together for long, so–- so–” You covered your mouth as a sob ripped from your chest and Liana immediately got up from her chair, rushing towards you, her hands gripping your shoulders and rubbing them up and down with shushing sound to calm you down as your chest felt like it was exploding.

“I would never ask that from you. I don’t want you to break up with him darling. I was never asking for that, and I am not firing you for this.” You blinked at her words, a sniffle heard from your nose as you turned to look at her with a frown to your face. She sighed and sat on the chair next to you, pressing her hand on your knee.

“What?”

“I was just going to tell you what Ralph told Billy. Keep the public spaces to a minimum. There is going to be a point where Billy is not going to be our client any longer, and then you will have free roam with each other.”

You blinked wildly at her, not believing what was going on. You broke the company’s policy, you literally broke it and she wasn’t firing you. Was this really happening? Was she sparing you? Is this even possible to happen? Your mind was reeling over and over again, not understanding how she was actually allowing your relationship to happen.

“I– I– You’re not firing me?” Liana’s eyes widened and she shook her head wildly at you.

“No! You’re one of my best editors here! Losing you is like letting a diamond slip out of my hands for fuck sake.” You knew that when Liana cursed in front of you, it showed how much trust she had in you, and you felt your shoulders relax as your chest finally warmed up again at her praise.

“Pretty sure there’s a lot of talent out there though.” You say with a flushness to your cheeks. She smiled and walked back towards her chair, sitting down in front of you.

“But none of them is you.” You felt your ears burn and you nodded with a smile to your face. Liana really resembled your mother, always caring, always giving a hand, and there are moments like these where you miss your mother’s hugs, or her reassurances, or her opinions, or her soft touches to your hair telling you that everything is going to be okay.

“S-So… I can… Keep dating Billy?” You ask her and she gives you a nod to then scoot over, her elbows propped on the table as her hands went under her chin, curiosity prickling her eyes.

“How did you snatch that man? He is really handsome, and from your smile it looks like he treats you right.” Liana says with excitement in her tone and you feel your cheeks heat up at that. You really had no idea how it happened or why it happened either. You never thought a man like Billy Hargrove would look your way, but the moment he did, your confidence was boosted.

“I– I really don’t know… Meetings here, then calls and well… It just happened. And he really does treat me right, despite him being known and all that.” You say with a smile at the thought of him. He really had you in the palm of his hand, and your belly always reminded you of it, making it burst with butterflies the moment his smile popped up in your head.

“Well, I hope he keeps it that way. Don’t want to see you hurt… And–” You saw Liana stutter for a minute, and look to the side. She licked her lips and you frowned slightly at her change of mood. “If he does hurt you, tell me. I excel at planning revenge.” She smirked at you and you couldn’t help but giggle and shake your head.

“Don’t worry, I don’t really think it will be necessary.” You say to her but Liana only frowns a bit, making your smile falter.

“It’s still soon… You still have to get to know each other, know your plans for now, the future… Just, be careful, okay?” You blinked at her words, slightly confused. She was right, of course, you and Billy don’t know each other entirely. There are past memories that you both didn’t share with one another yet, there are no future plans, there is probably so much more to learn from him, and you know that.

Because deep inside there is still that bug that doesn’t quite die. That bug doesn’t let you trust freely. That bug that nestled inside your body after what happened with Camila and Henry. You weren’t going to fall headfirst for Billy, you aren’t that naive anymore, and you know better now.

“I know… Thank you.” You smile at your boss and she gives you a warm smile back with a nod towards the door.

“Good. Remember, privacy from now on.” You gave her a nod and stood up from the chair to give her a small wave as you walked out of the office. You finally let the air from your lungs leave your body as you stepped into the elevator and went down to your floor again. You really thought you had lost your job right then and there. You felt like you were going to faint when seeing those pictures.

“Did you get fired!?” The doors didn’t even fully open and Robin was already yelling from the other side, completely startling you, making you jump.

“Jesus fucking christ Robin!” You put your hand over your chest as you feel your heart beating fast inside your chest thanks to the scare. You were cursing at her in your mind as you stepped out of the elevator. “No, I didn’t get fired.”

“Oh, then what happened?” She asks and you turn to her, seeing her puppy dog eyes for you to tell her what went down at the office. A pang of guilt filled your chest as you looked at her and you grabbed her hand to drag her towards your own office, Robin asking what was going on as you passed other coworkers.

“Seriously, you’re fucking scaring me.” You closed the door after she stepped in and turned to her, whispers coming out of your lips.

“Alright, uh… She knows.” At that, Robin raised an eyebrow in complete confusion, not understanding why you were talking like that at all.

“She knows… What?” You took a deep breath in and you put your finger on your lips for her to keep her voice low. Robin rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together, pulling them inwards to emphasize that she will remain quiet.

“That I’m with Billy.” You whispered and her eyes widened but her mouth never opened as she yelled inwardly, her hands running through her hair as she stepped back in a panic, about to start pacing, but then she stopped and looked at you again, her mouth opening to whisper.

“And she didn’t fire you?” She asks and your nervousness takes over you, looking down at your hands as you play with your fingers.

“I– No… She didn’t fire me… And she didn’t want me to break up with him either.” At that Robin just simply stands there, still with the confused look on her face and you almost roll your eyes at how dense she could be sometimes. You really loved her, you truly do, but damn you had to have patience with her.

“Break up? You are just fucki—” You could almost hear the ‘Ding Ding Ding’ bell sound in Robin’s head as if she just got the answer right on some show. You licked your lips nervously as you made a shushing sound as you walked towards her.

“I– I am sorry for not telling you sooner, I just wasn’t ready, but… I am dating Billy, we’re official.” Robin was still stunned, looking at you with wide eyes and you raised your eyebrows at her in worry as she was unresponsive. Was she mad? Was she sad? Was she confused? She just generally looks shocked. Suddenly she pulls her lips into her mouth again as she gives a muffled scream while staring at you, and then you could see the smile spreading with her lips still tucked inside which made her look devilish. She grabbed your hands and started doing happy jumps in excitement and you giggled and followed her.

Two grown ups jumping like teenagers in a corporate office. What a sight.

She stopped after a second and she let out the breath she was holding in. Robin was smiling at you as she squealed again, shaking your hands in excitement and you couldn’t help but giggle at her reaction, looking towards your door to check if anyone was listening to you both at all.

“Holy shit!” Robin whispered to you and you smiled at her as your cheeks began to flush, warmth spreading all over your face.

“I know… He was the one to ask actually.” You bit your lip as you kept whispering to Robin and she immediately pulled you into a hug. After knowing what had happened to you, she also understood why you went to all those dates, and she must imagine how hard it must be to trust someone again in your life the way you are doing with Billy. You wrapped your arms around her, laying your head on her shoulder, appreciating the kind gesture.

“Who would've thought? You made Billy Hargrove fucking settle…” She pulled away from you with a smirk to her face. “Are you like a goddess at sex?” You rolled your eyes at that with a smile on your lips and you shook your head at her.

“No, we just got to know each other, and well… I really like him Robs.” You bite your lip again as you feel embarrassed to even say something like that. Your best friend simply giggles at your reaction and then she gasps, making you look up at her in surprise.

“Wait, so, what did Liana say to you?” She asked and you made an ‘oh’ sound, completely forgetting to tell her that important part.

“Okay so, she found out because a picture was taken of us by a paparazzi. Billy’s manager bought the rights of the picture before it went public so… now we just have to meet privately, no more public places.” You sigh at that because you really liked going out with Billy, he would always hold your hand over the table and you would play footsies with him underneath it, stirring him up in a public space. You heard Robin sigh and nod at your words.

“I mean, he will stop being your client at some point. I guess that’s when you could go public?” You nod at that and Robin hums at your agreement. A smirk started spreading on your friend’s lips and you gulped when she put an arm around your shoulders. “So… No one knows but me?”

“No Robin.” You say to her and she giggles at that, the smirk still on her lips as you look at her with worried eyes.

“Well… You do remember tonight we’re going to Jonathan’s, right?”

“WHAT?!” Everyone that was in the room of Jonathan’s apartment yelled loudly as you pinched your eyes together at the shriek of voices. The only one who didn’t yell was Robin, who was sitting back on the couch, drinking a can of beer with a smile to her face.

“When did it happen!?” You heard Nancy yell and you sighed, looking at her.

“Your birthday.” Her mouth hung open at the revelation as she looked at Steve who was still struck by the information.

“You are dating Billy Hargrove, not just sleeping with him… Did I hear that right?” He asks and you gulp, looking at your friend. To be honest, Steve was the one you were scared to tell this to the most. He was like a worried mother all of the time, and you remember vividly how against the idea of you sleeping with a model he was.

“Babe…” Jonathan called to him and Steve put a finger up at him to shut his mouth. His boyfriend rolled his eyes and looked at you with pity from what Steve could say right now.

“Yes Steve, I am dating Billy, officially.” At that Steve scrunches up his nose, almost in disapproval and your patience and anger are slowly rising up. You cross your arms over your chest and you wait for him to talk.

“Does he treat you right?”

“Very.” That was your short response and Steve’s eyebrows were slightly pinched down, with a feeling he couldn’t quite point out, but it wasn’t a happy one. Yet, he looked back at you, and your face was firm, hard yet you were looking at your friend with hopeful eyes to be happy for you and not judge you. Steve sighed and put his hands on his hips, pointing at you.

“I’ll be the judge of that when we meet him.” You rolled your eyes at him, yet a giggle was heard from you, making Steve smile. He might not be entirely sure about the whole dating a famous person thing, but if you look happy then that’s enough.

“Señorita, good job on nailing that dude. So that means your anniversary is the same day as Nancy’s birthday?” Argyle asks with a hand to your shoulder. You blink at not having realized that fact and you quickly turned your head to Nancy who simply shrugged at the news, not caring for it. You turned to Argyle again and giggled at him.

“Yeah, it seems so.”

“Awesome. This calls for a toast then muchachos!” He raised his beer bottle up as everyone else lifted their respective glasses and bottles and then the sound of the door clicking caught everyone’s ears, turning their heads to the new person entering.

“Seriously, lock the door– What are you guys doing?” Eddie asks as his face turns from anger to confusion in a split second, seeing everyone raising their drink of choice up in the air.

“We’re having a toast, join in.” Jonathan says and Eddie blinks as he gets a bottle of beer out of the bag he brought, and walks towards the group, opening the cap with his teeth in a single move, making your eyes widen at him.

You haven’t talked to Eddie since that night, and you really don’t know where your relationship stands now. You aren’t his friend, yet he is no longer a sore enemy. At Nancy’s party he didn’t talk to you at all, except if you needed a smoke or if you were near the fridge while he was getting something, he would ask you if you wanted anything.

“Okay, what am I toasting for?” Eddie asks, looking at everyone in the circle and you suddenly feel anxious at him knowing. He will probably make fun of you, or tell you all the possible bad scenarios that might happen with this relationship, because you just knew Eddie. You know how this will end. You were about to talk, to give another excuse, to lie, but Nancy smiled at him and talked, calling out your name.

“She is finally officially dating Billy.” She blurts and Eddie blinks at the news, looking at you with eyes that you really didn’t know what were transmitting to you. Here it comes, the banter, the yelling, the sarcastic comment.

“Well shit, congratulations Peach.”

What?

You were stunned, paralyzed at the change, and you got out of the trance when you heard the clinking of everyone’s glasses hitting yours. Everyone is smiling at you, wishing you good luck in this new step in your life, in this new flipping of a page in your book. But your eyes were glued to one person in particular, who was also smiling at you. Did the relationship really change that night? Did the doors close behind you and really left what you and Eddie were before in there to never be seen again? Can you become friends with him?

For all you know, he might be faking the congratulations, so you better not think too much about it. Not right now. You took a sip out of your beer and you felt Argyle talking to you again, making your head snap at him, not realizing you were looking at Eddie while he was talking to Nancy.

“So, um… He does treat you right… right?” Your heart softened at his words and care, making you smile softly at him. You know your friends are worried that because you are dating a model, someone who is going to probably become more famous as time goes by, he will hurt you, or leave you, or simply do what most celebrities do with their partners. Mostly cheating.

“He does… I wouldn’t have said yes to him if I didn’t feel he was honest with me.” Argyle gave you a nod with a smile and then his eyebrows pinched slightly together again in worry and leaned forward to you.

“Alright, but he does hurt you and we’ll just murder him. You just have to say the words.” He says to you and you giggle, pushing him away by his shoulder, causing him to let out a chuckle of his own.

“Couldn’t help but listen, but Argyle is right.” That voice made you jump as well as Argyle, turning your heads to see Jonathan with widened eyes at your reaction.

“Muchacho give a fucking warning!” He was holding his chest from the fright and you just huffed with a giggle, looking at Jonathan with a smirk to your face.

“Aw, I thought you would be jealous, Johnny.” You say in a teasing tone and he rolls his eyes at you, followed by a chuckle and he wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a side hug.

“Oh yeah, terribly jealous.” You could feel him starting to do a choking move on your neck, making you laugh as you tried to wiggle away from his hold and he was just laughing now because of how much he was messing with you. He let you go and you fixed your hair, slapping his shoulder afterwards causing him to wince and hold the place where you hit him.

“You almost made me drop my beer, you ass.” You giggle again and you walk towards the balcony, finally letting the nerves of telling everyone disappear from your shoulders. You were afraid, really afraid of saying anything because last time you trusted people with something as important as this, you were stabbed in the back. But these friends, these people wouldn’t do that to you, they really wouldn’t, and what Argyle said stuck in your head.

They would fight for you.

You smile as you step out into the chill breeze blowing in the balcony, taking out your pack of cigarettes from your jacket and popping one in your mouth. You look for your lighter and you whine when you remember that you left it in your other coat. You groaned, ready to go back inside to get some matches but a lighter suddenly is in front of your face, a red one. You frown at it and look to your side, and your eyes almost bulge out of your skull as you see Eddie already standing right next to you.

“Jesus, don’t look at me like I’m about to murder you or something.” He is talking to you. Normally. He squints at how doubtful you look and he flicks the lighter in your face, lighting it, causing you to jump and snap your head towards it again. You blinked a few times and you put the cigarette in your mouth, leaning towards the flame and finally taking the first breath of smoke into your lungs. He pulled away from you and he put his own cigarette in his mouth, lighting his own. You pinched the filter with two of your fingers, letting the smoke out of your mouth.

“Thanks.” You say almost in a whisper as you look out towards the buildings and streets. You hear him hum in response and then his breath as he probably gets the smoke out of his lungs.

“So Hargrove huh.” And shit, there it is. Your heart started racing already as your belly turned at the anticipation of what could happen, of the fight that might happen tonight.

“What about it?” You ask defensively and honestly, Eddie knew you were going to act this way towards him, but yet he sighed as he leaned forward, his forearms resting on the rail of the balcony as he looked forward.

“Just congratulations. I know it must be–” He shut his lips at what he was going to say. He knew he wasn’t on the friendship level to actually tell you that he finds you strong to finally trust someone in that way back into your life. You frowned when he stopped talking, and slowly your mind put the puzzle together. He must remember what you told him in the elevator.

“O-Oh… Yeah.” You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how your relationship is going to be, and you didn’t know if you would like or not the outcome of it. Before, the bantering was easy, nerve wrecking, but it was your daily… Now, it’s starting fresh, and you don’t know the Eddie that your other friends know, so you don’t know how to interact with him.

“Hmm…” He licked his lips, trying to think of his following words, because when the elevator had opened the doors for the both of you, he knew there were a lot of unsaid things he would have liked to say to you. “I want you to know that… I respect you. And I am really sorry for the way I’ve been treating you the past year. I hope you know that I really do mean that.”

Your eyes widened again. He was apologizing. Again. So the relationship will really change from here on out because now you know that he won’t ever bother you with anything again. He won’t get in your nerves or under your skin. And you? You wouldn’t do that either because it is not fair. He probably would just accept every word you throw at him, and he wouldn’t respond. You looked out into the sky and you gave a small nod despite your confusion.

“I know.” Was your simple answer, and that was enough for Eddie. He lets out a sigh of relief as he takes a sip out of his beer at the same time you did, trying to fill in the silence, which was new to the both of you. He needed to lose the tension that was slowly building between the both of you, so he opened his mouth again.

“Also, I heard Argyle, and I have this hydraulic press in my shop…” He turned his head towards you, and you were frowning in confusion at his words, tilting your head to look at him.

“What is that?” You ask him, not really knowing what he was talking about.

“Well, in short words, it’s a machine that simply crushes stuff.” You were still confused at that until a smirk was drawn to his lips. “Even rocks, diamonds, metal… Skulls.” And at that you actually laughed, and you couldn’t believe he actually made that sound come out of your lips. It had always been sarcastic laughing, or a huff, or a scoff.

“So, you would commit murder for my sake.” You say as you take another swig of your nicotine stick, looking at him as he looks forward again into the sky.

“If he hurts you after what you went through? I think Robin would be my alibi.” You couldn’t help but feel mixed emotions at what he implied. First, you were happy that someone who hated you would now protect you that way, the other though…

“Eddie, I don’t want your pity. I really don’t need it.” You say to him with no venom or bitterness in your tongue, just a frown on your eyebrows which made him look at you as he shook his head wildly.

“No, it’s not pity. Like I said, I respect you, and I–” He didn’t want to tell you that he feels the need to protect you now. It happens with his friends, all the time, but you weren’t one, not yet. The need to protect people that are in his circle is unavoidable to him. “I want you to know that I don’t hate you.”

“So you would commit murder for me to prove that point.” You say, now in a joking manner which caught him by surprise, looking at you with a squint of his eyes.

“Who says I didn’t prove points that way before?” He says to you and your eyes widen at that, making his smirk turn into a soft smile that you couldn’t help but stare and your heart felt happy at seeing that. That smile that was always towards your friends, but never to you.

“Why am I not surprised?” This bantering between the two of you was without spite, without anger, without the need of one upping one another. It was pure and fun.

“Do I look like a murderer, like in the daily?” He asks feigning curiosity as he takes a puff out of his cigarette while you take a sip of your beer with a shrug.

“I think it’s the frown that’s always in the middle of your forehead, which by the way, you will get wrinkles.” You reply and he lets out a chuckle at your response, shaking his head at you.

“Good to know, I guess now I know why people stay away from me.” You were amazed by this interaction and also a bit scared because it was too natural. It was way too fucking natural. You were about to talk when the sound of a message rang on his phone, making him frown, walking towards a small table that was in the balcony and setting the beer down to take his phone out with his free hand. You tilted your head as he chuckled at his screen, shaking his head and returning next to you.

You now realize just how large his hands are. He could grab his phone with just one and write with his thumb. You have to hold it with both hands and use both your thumbs to write properly. He was smiling down at his phone and then you see him taking a picture out to the city, making you frown in confusion.

“Why are you taking a picture?” You ask out of curiosity and you feel your cheeks flush at how invasive that question actually is. Why would you need to meddle on his conversation?

“Oh, it’s for my uncle.” He replies to you and you stare at him for a second, noticing that when he clicked send and put his phone back in his pocket, his smile turned somber, almost sad as he retrieved his beer to stand next to you again, taking a long breath out of his cigarette finally finishing it, which reminded you of taking the last puff too, throwing it out towards the street.

For some reason, you didn’t want the conversation to be over, but the finishing of your nicotine sticks was the clock ticking for the both of you. The cigarettes are done, so the need to be on the balcony is no longer necessary, meaning you have to go back inside. You licked your lips and you took a sip of your beer before taking out another cigarette out of your pack. Eddie noticed and he couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his lips as he too took another one and in a short minute, you were both puffing smoke into the air again.

“Your uncle?” You ask and he finds it reasonable to share his story just like you did for him. It was just the fair thing to do.

“My uncle is the person who raised me, basically my father. My parents didn’t want me, all that shit, he took me in.” Your heart broke at that, and you couldn’t help but remember all the responses you did to him in the past.

‘Did Mommy and Daddy not give you enough love as a child Munson? Is that why you’re such a douchebag?’

You remember saying that to him when the group went out to a club and he had gotten into a fight, for god knows what, and you all had to call it quits for the night and go home. So of course you were pissed, and outside the club you started yelling at him for being careless and ruining the night for everyone, but he had, yet again, say that you needed to have an actual orgasm once in a while. So you snapped at him.

“Shit, Eddie–”

“Don’t, it’s fine really. It’s in the past.” It was as if he could read your mind, and that made you realize that it was something that he probably thought about when he went home that night, or maybe he thought about it many times after, not helping with the guilt and the hole that was forming in your chest. “I send him these pictures because he cannot go out that much lately, so I always try to send him pictures of the sky, or the city.”

“Why hasn’t he gone out lately?” You ask, once again being too intrusive with your question which made you cringe and shake your head. “You don’t have to answer that– I’m intruding way too mu–”

“He was diagnosed with cancer almost a year ago… Lung cancer.” He shortly replies to you and you feel your blood go cold at the news. That meant that Eddie might lose him at any moment… You couldn’t help it and looked away from him so he wouldn’t see the burning in your eyes at that. You felt shitty, you felt so fucking shitty. You were both hurting inside and you just snapped at one another as if it were a competition.

“I’m… so sorry.” And you meant that in so many ways. You also had to apologize to him, because it was not fair if you didn’t. You had treated him like shit as equally as he did to you, and you were just now seeing it, but because you now know about him. It feels so stupid, hating one another when you probably could have been friends that could talk about all of this, and probably be there for one another instead of against.

“It’s okay Peach. Really.” It wasn’t okay, it wasn’t okay at all, but he wasn’t going to break down about it right now. He knew his hand was trembling when he took a puff out of his cigarette, and he took a deep one to calm himself down again. You took one too, as long as he did and finally turned back to face him once you felt your eyes not burning anymore.

“Why aren’t you there with him? Is he in Hawkins?” He nods at that, taking a sip out of his beer.

“Because opening a shop there wouldn’t have given me money. I saved up, bought the shop here as soon as we arrived with everyone else, and not even a month later he was diagnosed… I stay here to get as much money as I can to pay for his medical bills and shit.” It was for a split of a moment, but there was a slight break in his voice. You couldn’t help but feel the hole in your stomach dig deeper and deeper, flashes of how badly you had treated him, and it might have happened at a night where he talked to his uncle, or a day where he had sent the money for the bills.

“And do you visit him?” You ask him because you know that Hawkins is just a few hours away and he nods just once at you to then take another swig out of his beer.

“I do, whenever I have time. He has a caretaker at home, so that’s good.” You give him a nod to take another puff out of your cigarette, not really knowing where to go with this conversation, but there was a feeling inside of you that you felt like he had to know.

“Thank you… for confiding this with me.” He shrugged at you, trying to push the negative feelings out of his head as he turned to you with a soft smile on his face.

“We are just finally getting to know each other.” You were stunned at his words and the cigarettes were gone again. You both threw them towards the street again, and you looked down to the floor and then back at him, pressing your hip against the rail to fully face him, taking a sip of your beer to then cross your arms over your chest.

“Normally you ask about favorite things or music, or movies, not telling each other traumatic pasts or stories in the first conversation.” His eyes widened at that and he finally let out a laugh at your words, copying your stance to face you, crossing his arms over his chest as well.

“You may have a point, so let’s be normal. Favorite color.” He asks and you squint your eyes at him.

“Guess.” He widens his eyes at that, making you giggle softly.

“Oh so it’s like that… Okay. Pink.” You shake your head at him and he frowns at that. “Oh come on, Peach’s dress is pink.”

“Just because I choose Princess Peach in Mario Kart doesn’t mean I like pink, Munson.” You reply to him and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Back to surname basis…” He looked at you, and you raised an eyebrow up at him as you saw his eyes roaming your body, to then scoff and look up at your face again. “Lilac.” Your eyes widened at that, completely surprised.

“How did you know?”

“Your smart watch has that color on its bands.” You were amazed by how perceptive he was being. “Your turn.”

“Black.” He rolled his eyes at that and it made you smile with triumph.

“Easy one.” He made a gesture towards his whole body. Black shirt, opaque black pants, a leather jacket. You nodded with a giggle, taking a sip out of your beer.

“Okay… Favorite band…” You squint your eyes at him and he raised an eyebrow up at you. You know he listens to metal, and your expertise in that area was very slim, but it must be one of the main bands. “Black Sabbath.” He winces at that and then shakes his head.

“No darling. Not that one. Try again.” You blinked at that, your brain trying to look for more bands and you saw him move his hand, three fingers going up. The index, middle and ring finger. He then pointed them down, forming the letter M. You gasped and you snapped a finger at him.

“Metallica!” He threw his head back at your reaction, a laugh escaping his lips to then come back to face you and nodding his head.

“Yeah, that’s it.” You raised an eyebrow towards him, waiting for his guess now. “Mmm… Do you even have a favorite band? Or is it a solo person?”

“You caught me there. It’s a solo person.”

And that’s how the night was filled now. The both of you in the balcony, getting to know one another, your favorite foods, your favorite places, your favorite holiday, your favorite desserts, your favorite movie, your favorite tv series. You also found out about what you both hate. You dislike Hot Dogs. Eddie hates pineapple pizza, despite Robin always ordering it. You hate broccoli with your life. Eddie hates spinach. You hate olives. He loves olives.

Your friends were all looking at the both of you, who had disappeared for over an hour, and they couldn’t believe their eyes when you two were laughing with eachother instead of trying to murder or take one’s head off. They looked at each other, wondering if they should interrupt to check if everything was okay, but it did seem like it, so they didn’t bother you both, even if the new relationship was shocking to them.

“You think they will become friends?” Robin asks Nancy, making the other girl jump slightly as a blush spreads around her cheeks from how close Robin was on her ear.

“M-Maybe, hard to guess.” She replied to her, which only made Robin hum at that. Of course, she did notice how her friend’s ears blushed slightly, which made Robin smirk. She could continue the conversation a little longer.

Outside on the balcony again, Eddie was telling you about one time that Steve had smoked a joint with him, one of his first times, and it was making you double over in laughter. He pulled his phone out to show you the video which was saved to his story highlights on Instagram.

“It’s just Marijuana dad!” You heard Steve say as Eddie chuckled behind the camera. Steve was sprawled over the floor as Eddie tried to get him up, but the brown haired boy was still spouting nonsense out of his mouth.

“He never smoked a joint again.” He finishes saying and your giggle slowly dies out as you stare at his phone. Maybe you could ask? Maybe it wouldn’t be too weird? Maybe now it might be a good time to do so? You were about to talk when you both heard some commotion back inside the room, making your heads snap towards the sliding door. You both rushed towards it to see what happened and you saw Nancy on the floor, with a red face, and a smirk on Robin’s as she tried to help Nancy back up.

“Robin, what did you do to Nancy, jesus christ.” You hear Eddie curse and you couldn’t help but giggle as he stepped back inside to check on Nancy. You walked in too, looking at Steve who was trying to hold his laughter in.

“Did Robin flirt with her?” At that Steve nodded wildly, finally letting out a laugh. You giggled as you saw Eddie steading Nancy back on her feet, but deep inside you, you felt happy that Robin was finally moving on from Vickie. You saw Eddie walk towards the hallway, probably heading to the bathroom.

A ping on your phone caught your attention after a minute, and you grabbed it out of your pocket to look down at the screen. There was a feeling inside of you, like a sense of resolution, of closure, of warmth as a smile spread on your cheeks, almost painfully.

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End of chapter 11

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A/N: We're on the friends area of their relationship! Woo!

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yuzukult · 9 months

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yours, but not yours 06 || csc & reader

title: yours, but not yours 06 pairing: choi seungcheol x fem!reader/oc genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut, fake dating!au, bad influence!seungcheol, nice guy syndrome!namjoon, mechanic!seungcheol wc: 6.7k (1k per month i disappeared lol) warnings: profanity, mentions of sex a/n: ... hopefully y'all didn't forget me,, if this chapter is mediocre i am so sorry i'm trying my best here T_T i had to rewrite the chapter a couple times & ended up going with a different route (which may be slightly unexpected) but the series isn't over yet !! this is the calm before the storm ok

There’s nothing worse than being proven wrong.

It’s like when you’re a toddler, your mom tells you to not eat the spicy slice of pork belly, knowing very well that you wouldn’t be able to handle it but you still beg her anyways. Then when you’d finally get a bite, your face contorts into a pained one, desperately wishing that water would be more relieving to the tongue as it is to a house fire. Or like when your high school best friend told you to maybe not get involved with the guy who has quite the reputation, but your constant urge to break the rules practically drowns you, so you go for him anyway. Then, when he left you crying outside on his porch, beseeching him to come back after you clearly saw him cheating on you with that other pretty girl in your Art class with that cool hot pink dyed strip of hair, you’re yet proven wrong again, only to be running to your best friend’s house after you regained your senses.

This is probably another one of those times. And truthfully, maybe you’ve evolved, but there’s this part of you that wishes you’re wrong.

Seungcheol is definitely nothing close to what you’d ever expect to be your type. He’s not the traditional kind of guy—office job, either living alone and saving for a house or lives in a house he owns, has a car, wears business casual clothes on the weekdays, maybe even into different types of beers, occasionally plays a gaming console—instead, he’s a mechanic with a motorcycle and likes to flirt with you whenever he gets the chance. He favors the torn up and stained attire, despite having money (which… you’d only find out not too long ago) but he does love alcohol. Whiskey being on the top of his list; beer is more of an option for social events, he mentions it the one night he stayed late in the garage when you came down with two bottles in hand. “I had leftovers. They were gonna go bad if I left it any longer,” you said as you handed over the Miller Lite. He popped the cap off on the edge of the workstation, swapping it with you after, then opening his own in the same way. “Let’s not put it to waste.”

And here you are, two days after the event, groggily putting laundry into the washer with your head full of—you guessed it!—Choi Seungcheol.

The last encounter was left with you exiting his childhood bedroom with disheveled hair, wet panties, and awkwardly adjusting the fabric of your dress. No phone call to follow up, no text—nothing. Fucking radio silence.

How does someone fucking rail you into the mattress, whisper the dirtiest things in your ear, then claim you as their own and suddenly just go off the grid right after? You didn’t see him for the rest of the night, and when you went back to Rowoon, he didn't interrogate you on your relationship with Seungcheol after he shut him up. The whole thing was eating you up inside to the point that you were fucking wishing that Rowoon would ask, just to have a soundboard for this dilemma.

Was that the finale of it all? Is this the end of You & Seungcheol: The Not-So Love Story? He hasn’t even been back to the garage yet, and it’s got you pondering why he didn’t even bother to send a fucking text. A text! It’s not that hard to send a text.

But maybe this is what that whole “karma” thing people keep talking about—what goes around comes around, right?

You groan. Slamming the door shut, you pull out the dispenser drawer of thr washing machine aggressively. Just like when he pushed you against the wall that night, knee shoving your legs apart as he looked at your lips with furrowed brows. You couldn’t help but grip onto his biceps—he was so thick in that shirt, hugging every curve of his body in waves you didn’t know would leave you breathless from the sight. How is he so hot when he’s angry? He didn’t even have a right to be, you weren’t his (even though he continuously thrusted his hips into yours, heated breath against your neck with the word, “mine,” constantly falling off his tongue effortlessly), but god he was good at convincing you that you were.

You shake your head. Fuck! This is frustrating. Not sexually frustrating, (you’re lying, that’s definitely part of it), but frustrating in the fact that you don’t know where this leaves you. Are you still fighting? Do you make up? What… now? And why the fuck do you keep finding yourself asking the same goddamn fucking question with him?

Nearly overflowing the compartment for the detergent, you quickly grab a wet rag to wipe off the excess that spills as you mutter a couple curses underneath your breath.

He’s got you in a chokehold; how is it that a guy who wasn’t even on your fucking radar suddenly the only one you can think about? Even when you’re vacuuming your living room, you don’t even recall grabbing it from the closet. All you have infiltrated your mind is Choi Seungcheol.

Honestly, you’re a dick.

For one, you’re finally coming to your senses that disregarding Seungcheol’s feelings isn’t fair. He’s been nothing but helpful the entire time you’ve known him; last month, he replaced your windshield wipers when he noticed the rubber was tearing off. He ended up pulling out the weeds from the front of your house after the awkward attempt to water them, and not to mention, he came up to your home when he heard a screech (you’re afraid of cockroaches, and you didn’t admit it even after Seungcheol killed it with a flip flop).

But who really is the dick here? He hasn’t called you, texted you, or anything really. Quite literally have given you the post-nut clarity you needed, only for him to ghost you.

To fucking ghost you! The guy who said he’s head over heels for you, swooning all your friends into believing he’s your boyfriend, and well—also pretending to be your boyfriend, even when he knows what the consequences for it are.

Then again, who cares… right? He’s just some buff mechanic, a fuckboy, and a tenant.

(You almost used the “tenant” excuse to text him, but you hold yourself back and don’t. Only because when the 25th rolls around, you actually have to ask him for rent.)

As you’re making your bed, throwing the sheets up to float down and align with the mattress, your phone rings.

At first, you think it’s your mom, so you let it ring for a little. She has the tendency to never pick up the phone, and although you never have the audacity to ignore her call, you let it ring a couple times out of pure pettiness.

That is, until you realize it’s actually Seungcheol’s name on the lockscreen.

“Hey,” he greets; it’s a mixture of uncertainty and excitement, probably because he knows what he did wrong in terms of leaving you hanging but he misses hearing your voice. “Um, how are you?”

“Not great.”

“Oh? What’s wrong?”

You roll your eyes, despite him not being able to see the action right now, he could feel the burn through the phone. “Actually, don’t answer that. I know, I—”

“What happened?” You snap, pacing in your bedroom. “You fucking told me that you were anything but a fuckboy, and the moment that I let myself be vulnerable, you just leave me hanging? What the fuck was that? Am I just wasting my time with you, Seungcheol?”

It stings.

Of course, everything with you stings. In both a good and a bad way, the words you say always seem to ache, tighten, and sting his chest, all from a variety of emotions you spew out so transparently. You’re so real and raw in the way that if he fully commits to you, that’s it—he’s done. There’s no going back to the lifestyle he had before, no fucking around and dicking around.

And as scary as that is for him, hearing that it’s with you, he’s okay with it.

But he’s now in the position where he doesn’t know how to make that happen. Not after all the current events.

“I got caught up,” he says, unable to even believe himself despite it being completely true. The night of the event, you found yourself scrambling out of his bedroom after sex and his dad called about some emergency with the company—Seungcheol has been in Malaysia since. “I really wanted to call and text—really, I just… didn’t know what to say.”

You scoff in disbelief. “Anything would’ve sufficed. I don’t know where that leaves us now. I’m trying, Seungcheol, I admit I was a jerk for disregarding your feelings and never taking you seriously. But when you pull a stunt like this, it doesn’t really make me believe that you’re not just setting me up.”

He stays silent for a moment; you could almost hear the ringing in your ears from the quietude, and you wonder what’s going through his mind.

“Seungcheol?”

“Yeah,” he says breathily. “Yeah, I—I’m still here.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Can you—Can you take off? Just the Friday. Can I get you on a plane on Thursday night, and you come meet me for the weekend? My treat.”

Choi Seungcheol never really lived an average life.

It all really started when his mom met his dad back in college; this innocent, bowl-cut boy with the thickest glasses of the century, eyesight nearing partial blindness had a crush on the prettiest girl in his economics class. His reputation was practically nonexistent other than for the fact that he looked nerdy, and hers was being… almost every positive adjective in the book. He’d gather the courage to ask her out, expecting a rejection, only for her to turn his way, those chocolate irises sparkling underneath the hallway lights while she said the word that was opposite to his predictions. Yes.

She stuck with him through all of college—even though she had a line of suitors waiting for her, she was always in love with the reputable nerdy boy. Despite what people thought of him, Seungcheol’s dad never failed to make sure she felt loved and supported through the entirety of their relationship. Even when he had these big goals to build a company from the ground up, he kept her as his priority and that never changed.

It’s a love story for the ages, one that his mom reiterated as she tucked Seungcheol into bed during his youth, but he didn’t quite resonate with it because how could someone like his dad be the one to make his mother swoon in that way? The man who sat at the end of the dining table, reading glasses at the tip of his nose even after getting lasik to rid himself of those stocky lenses, physically there but not… present.

Even now, as he’s sitting beside his father at his hotel room’s dining table, he still doesn’t feel him.

But to be fair, can anyone find comfort in a room full of stone tiles, high ceilings, and a chandelier that probably costs more than the average car times eighty?

“Tell your brother that he’s coming tomorrow,” he says, eyes never leaving the screen of his iPad. His father has since graduated from a newspaper to a tablet. “He has a presentation Friday, and he needs to rehearse everything he says. Can’t believe he fucked up the last one.”

Seungcheol sucks his cheeks. He clicks send on the message meant for his brother, feeling more and more like an assistant than someone who was next in line for the throne of the company. “Aight. Sent. Why am I here, by the way? You just so happened to drag me here? I thought there was a company emergency.”

He finally puts down his tablet. “There is. I’m dying.”

Seungcheol’s heart drops. “You’re… dying?”

“Well, not that I’m sick—god forbid, but you never know when I’ll die.”

That pretty much explains the origin of the majority of Seungcheol’s traumatic childhood.

“Dad, I don’t think it works like that,” he retorts with the quirk of his brow. “I thought it was a literal emergency. I left—”

“What? The garage? Come on, don’t act like I don’t know. I keep tabs on all my children—like right now, your brother is at his girlfriend’s house. The one he has yet to introduce to us, and in fact, I don’t think I like her.”

Seungcheol’s face contorts in confusion. He knows his dad like the back of his hand; if he didn’t know about the garage, Seungcheol would’ve been surprised. It’s almost an expectation that he would track both Seungcheol and his brother, and truthfully, it wouldn’t be totally out of character if he was tracking Seungcheol’s mother either.

“You’re always pressuring us to get married and run the company—isn’t him having a girlfriend just him going the right route? I’un get it. Isn’t that enough?”

Maybe that’s why Seungcheol only had flings; the girls weren’t ever disappointed in sex, and they never stuck around enough to figure out that he carried so much baggage. The wealth in his pockets might’ve been the reason for the hearts in their eyes (and his dick), but if they knew the weight of expectations from his parents that came with it, they’d run in a heartbeat. He didn’t want to bring anyone close enough that they’d meet his family, have to deal with the burdens he did, and it’s mostly why he’s been hesitant about telling you… everything. Even when he wanted to.

“I wanted him to date that girl, the one whose father owns KS Bank.”

Of course, everything loops back into business.

“Well,” Seungcheol begins, getting up from his seat. “He’s happy. Regardless if his girlfriend is a stripper or her dad owns KS Bank. If you want both of us to run the company, we should at least come home to a companion that we love and care for, shouldn’t we?”

His dad returns to his iPad, adjusting his glasses once again. “It’s not beneficial for the family business.”

Deja Vu hits—that same feeling he got when Namjoon swung at him returns, except the courier this time is his own father.

But just as he reacted with Namjoon, he remains cool.

Seungcheol probably rehearsed it a million times in front of the mirror, all the possible things he could say to refute his father’s beliefs. If his brother wasn’t in love with the girl he’s supposed to marry, sure, her status would definitely benefit the company, but… would he even want to help out anymore? Isn’t his happiness the priority?

Nonetheless, he knows that fighting back isn’t worth it.

Instead, he figures channeling that energy toward you would be more productive.

Although, with the last encounter the two of you had, it’s a bit doubtful he’d be able to achieve anything from being miles apart. For one, asking you to come see him when he had absolutely no plan whatsoever on what would happen when you arrive is… bold. Not to mention, you rejected his offer, saying something along the lines of, “that’s not how asking for forgiveness works,” and “things don’t get resolved on some ‘vacation high,’ Choi Seungcheol.”

And by all means, you’re 100% right.

This is an entirely new territory for him—he’s never actually had to ask or beg for forgiveness before because quite frankly, he never cared to. Burning bridges wasn’t a new concept for him, it was something he frequents. His mom never seemed disappointed, so he never felt the need to be apologetic, even if he felt the guilt, the words never emitted. Or when his father made that signature displeased ‘tsk’, Seungcheol had always been below the expectation that forgiveness wasn’t even worth chasing after.

But you—this experience with you, is a whole other thing.

That guilt gnaws on his insides brutally; he could physically see the impact that you have on him from his disheveled hair, bags underneath his eyes, and the sullen look on his face. Do you hate him? Do you want nothing to do with him? Did he ruin all his chances with you?

He’s never really had a serious relationship before—well, rephrase, Seungcheol has only ever had one serious relationship. “The Classic Couple,” was what they were called; they were the pair that the wealthiest parents would arrange for their children. The only thing wrong with them was that they didn’t work—or well, Seungcheol couldn’t make it work.

With a click of his tongue, reality settles in. If he really wants this, truly feels like there could potentially be more with you, then he has to make it work. This isn’t like the woman before you, you’re… you. Whether or not it lasts forever or just a couple months, he likes you—shouldn’t that be enough? Especially when you’re finally opening the door and hearing him out, stepping out of your own comfort zone?

“I’m gonna head back home then, since it seems like I’m not needed here,” Seungcheol says, grabbing his phones with a soft ‘thanks’ to the staff as they clear the plates. “I’m sure you two can handle things from here. If there really is an emergency—”

“You should’ve stayed with that girl,” Seungcheol’s dad interrupts, infamously cutting him off as usual. “The girl you dated a couple years ago. Margaret.”

“Maeri,” Seungcheol corrects. “Her name’s Maeri.”

And for the first time, his father’s lips curl into a smile. “So, you remember her.”

“Well, we dated for a while.”

“Shouldn’t have lost her,” he says, inhaling deeply. “I think I can reach out to her father and make an agreement. I’m sure she’d be happy to have you again. I ran into her at the banquet and when I brought up your name, her face lit up.”

Seungcheol stares at his father in disbelief. “Again, I feel like we should have more control over who we end up with, not you. I’m more than happy to try assisting you with whatever it is you need but I should be the one who chooses who I want to be with.”

“And? You chose her before, you can choose her again.”

Seungcheol quits this time, reminding himself again that he needs to preserve his energy for you.

There are a mixture of emotions that are flowing inside of you, eagerness and confusion, unsure of which to display. Do you showcase your excitement and elation or do you express the frustration and annoyance? Normally, it doesn’t really matter which you decide to promote; it’s only because this time, your reaction will result in what happens next.

Seungcheol sits on the hood of your car; in a leather clad jacket that hugs his arms so tightly, you’re almost tempted to spill an insult from between your lips on how he should get a size up (even though you most definitely can’t even stop staring), hair slicked back, and baggy black jeans, it’s the signature look of practically every label that Namjoon had given him. Seungcheol doesn’t say a word—instead, he watches you attentively, trying his best to determine what the expression on your face depicts.

He can’t quite tell what you’re thinking.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, finally shattering the silence. “Get off my car.” You don’t really mean that, you like him here, and the fact that he’s back, still himself with that smirk on his face, only comforts your heart.

“Come on, baby,” he calls out, ignoring your sharp words with his fingers barely grasping onto yours, tugging you in close. The pet name that’s disgusting from a stranger is somehow sweet when it slips off his tongue, luring you in like some hypnosis spell. “You don’t miss me?”

Of fucking course you do—if it’s one thing that you admit, it’s that you were wrong about him. He’s not what those labels people whispered through the grapevine, completely different from an unattached, apathetic guy who doesn’t want anything that lasts longer than a night.

But you’re not gonna let him know that. At least, not that easily.

“No,” you retort through your gritted teeth, almost as if it’ll filter the insincerity of that response. “What’s there to miss?”

His hand slips into yours, interlocking your fingers before pulling you nearer. “Everything. Was it quiet down here? Were you lonely? Did it feel weird not to see my motorcycle out front? Or the garage open? What about my company? I know you hate the way I chew on gum, but I’m sure you missed hearing it in the background.”

You chew the inside of your cheek.

He’s so cute, and you feel like an idiot for being another girl that ends up on the list of falling for his irresistible charms.

“I felt like a one-night stand, Seungcheol,” you confess, his full government name slipping off your tongue with bitterness that hits his ears. He couldn’t get a pet name out of you, but his nickname is enough and his smirk is wiped from his face within seconds. “We fucked then you suddenly pick up a phone call then I just—I never hear from you again.”

“I admit that it didn’t help my case,” he sighs, pushing himself off your car. You’ve got your arms crossed against your chest, a shield to protect yourself from him. “And I can fully explain.”

He starts off with his dad—this cold, distant man somehow ended up with a woman that’s the opposite. Underneath that hard facade, he’s a father who wants his two sons to run his business, only that neither of them inherited the drive to push the company the way that he does himself.

“… That night that I left, I didn’t come back to the party ‘cause my dad made it seem like the company was goin’ under,” he discloses, deciding that now, he isn’t going to hide anything from you anymore. “I thought I had to go into this big board meeting with my brother and sign off to sell shares of our company ‘cause my dad fucked up or something.”

You roll your lips. There’s a bit of regret for making him feel bad, but it doesn’t discount how he made you feel either. “And then?”

“It was some stupid trap,” he groans, shaking his head. “He’s really good at doing that ‘we’re blood,’ guilt scheme. But uh, listen… I don’t expect you to forgive me or for this to fix up overnight.”

“Then what do you expect?”

“Honestly, um,” and for a moment, he pauses before chuckling. “I really contemplated asking you to be my fake girlfriend. My dad has this thing where he’s constantly trying to set me up with other women—”

The fronts of your brows shift together.

“—but,” Seungcheol adds, hoping you pause your thoughts from going in a direction where you’d stray from him. “To me, there’s just you.”

You blink blankly. “And what does that mean for us then? Where do we go from here?”

He slowly eases his arms to wrap around your waist, hesitant in his movements to confirm that you’re okay with his touch, only to then feel the anxiety lift from his shoulders when the weight of your arms replaces it. “We can… fix us. If you can push aside all the prenotions you’ve had of me, view me as someone that could be your boyfriend, then I want this if you do.”

Heat rushes to your cheeks; Seungcheol always manages to make your heart skip in its beats and cause that churning in the pit of your stomach. “Okay… but—” his smile fades the moment the second word appears, “—but we have work to do. You can’t exactly say we started off on the right foot.”

That stupid grin pulls on his lips once again as he settles back down onto the hood of your car, legs parting for you to sit yourself in his thigh, arms never leaving your frame. “I agree, pretty. I’m ready to do this when you are.”

And with a soft kiss planted on your nose, the comfort and warmth it brings makes you feel like this… is right.

Seungcheol admits that within the last month, his life has been pretty mundane in comparison to what he’s used to.

For one, he hasn’t received a call from his parents. Maybe they’re way too occupied to be concerned about him or that there wasn’t enough going on for him to tag along for, but all he knows is that it’s been radio silent on their end. Plus, the garage has been rather busy lately—he credits you for the increase in foot traffic, recalling how you rolled your eyes and snatched his phone from his hands on a Saturday night lounging on your couch, muttering “how are you supposed to get any business if you don’t advertise yourself?” Truthfully, he’s been banking on word-of-mouth from your neighbors that found out he does car maintenance, but this newfound array of customers isn’t so bad.

He likes the simplicity of this—in the mornings, he’d get to the garage early in the morning and park his motorcycle right by your steps. Pushing the overhead door with a rumble, he’d brush his hands off from the dirt residue left on the rubber at the bottom before placing his hands on his waist to take a good look at his shop—yes, his shop. He’d gotten so accustomed with calling it a literal garage that he forgets that it’s really a shop. Brew a pot of coffee, turn on the little TV he got for waiting customers (really, it’s for himself) before he got to business.

Then, around 6PM, you’d be back from work, dragging your legs up the steps into your home and he’s behind shortly after closing up. He enjoys how domestic everything with you is—cooking dinner together, eating dinner together, and then washing the dishes with one person scrubbing and the other rinsing before settling onto the couch to watch something on TV. Last night, you suggested, “King the Land,” which he normally isn’t a fan of watching K-Dramas, but with you, he finds anything entertaining.

Although the old version of himself wouldn’t ever confess this but… he likes being a boyfriend.

Maybe it’s just specifically that he likes being your boyfriend, considering in his last relationship, he didn’t favor that title as much. But now, he finds himself getting a little giddy inside when you introduce him in that way, almost like little kids get when their crush approaches them.

There’s something about the way you’ve given him a spot in your dresser for him to leave his spare clothes in case he unexpectedly stays the night, and how there’s a toothbrush residing in the cup beside yours, or even the fact that you’ve bought another set of slippers that’s just for him… it makes him feel more at home than at his own home. Seungcheol didn’t sleepover during his wave of late night escapades, but with you, he finds that the left side of the bed unspokenly assigned to him is something he didn’t know he craved for.

Seungcheol loves it. He loves all of it. And truthfully, if he didn’t catch himself before spilling it, he would’ve said he loves you, too.

Today is slightly different than usual, deciding that he would leave the estate earlier (and weirdly enough, living under the same roof as his parents didn’t tempt them from bugging him recently, but they did live on the opposite side of the home) so he could stop by the local coffee shop and grab you a cold brew.

You’re so pretty when you look surprised to see him outside your front door thay morning.

“Hey gorgeous,” he greets, that cheesy smile never leaving his face. You grimace at the term of endearment, but your expression juxtaposes how you feel inside. “I thought you’d like a change of pace and enjoy something from the cafe instead.”

“Thanks,” you mutter, grabbing the drink from his hands. “Vanilla?”

“Three pumps. Just how you like it, baby.”

You’re still so awkward when he says things like that—it used to be so easy to roll your eyes and push him away when he’d do it in such a sleazy way. But now, knowing the genuinity behind the words, he leaves you flustered. Even if he’s annoying and it’s the grossest thing he’s ever said.

“I have about six appointments today,” Seungcheol reaches over to open the lid of his black coffee, the steam rising from the paper cup. “You said you had a doctor’s appointment? So you’ll be back earlier?”

“Mm,” you hum in agreement, zipping up your backpack. “I’ll grab lunch for us?” And shortly after, he watches you drive away to work before getting back to the garage so he could greet his next client.

If this is what it’s like to be part of the working class, Seungcheol could get used to this.

He acknowledges that ever since the two of you had resolved your issues, he got a bit carried away. Investing in his makeshift shop has become a whole ordeal, only because the constant drilling, clanging, and unnecessary constructing noises from the equipment installers weren’t exactly what he thought was going to come out of it for the first two weeks—but the realization that he could grow his business from the new customers made him excited. For the first time, Seungcheol felt like he was doing something he was proud of.

So yes, driving or walking by this garage in the middle of a city suburb underneath a house with a whole jacking up station for cars looks futile, but the abnormally high ceilings of your garage should be taken advantage of.

He likes this—beneath a car, pushing aside the plastic tray from this 2018 Honda Accord after unscrewing it and unplugging the drain plug before it falls into a bucket he uses as an oil receptacle. This is nice. This is calming. There’s no hollering from board members, no backhanded compliments from his father, and no attempts on pressuring him into doing things he doesn’t want to do like date a girl whose father has a monopoly on owning property the next town over.

Seungcheol just wants to watch a gallon of old oil release from a crankcase and into a bucket.

And honestly, he thinks his thoughts have spoken too soon when he notices a Rolls Royce Boat Tail pull into your driveway.

He hasn’t met everyone in your life, but one thing he knows for sure is that even the wealthiest people you know (Namjoon and Yubin) don’t flaunt their money in front of you. The rest of your friends are middle class, average working people, and the only way someone is driving to your home with a $28 million car is if they’re part of his life.

“Choi Seungcheol,” the person calls out; the door is shut behind him with a thud, Louis Vuitton sunglasses sitting comfortably on his nose with his long brunette hair combed away from his face. He dresses in a flamboyant shirt, the first couple buttons unraveled, and in sandals that cost four times your car. “I heard you do mods over here.”

Seungcheol comes out from the garage, brows furrowing when he realizes who makes an attendance at his shop. Juxtaposing in a stained white tank and the upper half of his overalls tied around his waist, for a moment, he felt like the two of them were part of two different worlds. “Yoon Jeonghan–do you really think you want to mod your car? Do you even know what that means?”

Jeonghan takes off his shades and slides it into his shirt pocket. “Absolutely not, I heard some guy mention it in a movie once,” he grins cheekily. “So, I heard you got a new place.”

“Well, I’m renting a garage.”

Jeonghan blinks blankly. “What’s renting?”

Seungcheol chuckles, walking back to his station as Jeonghan follows in suit. “It’s when you pay someone to use their space,” he grabs a rolling chair from behind a desk and gestures to Jeonghan for him to sit down. “What’s up? What are you doing here? You didn’t come here to get a lesson on renting.”

“I’m more surprised that you don’t own this place,” Jeonghan stares at the chair skeptically before glancing over at Seungcheol who points to it again. “And… not owning any new furniture.”

“It’s an autoshop, Hannie.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t afford clean chairs.”

“Alright, alright,” Seungcheol rolls his eyes, grabbing a rag to wipe the opening for any residual oil. “You come here to lecture me about my place or are you here with an actual reason?”

His friend sighs, finally deciding to plop onto the old swivel chair. “I know you briefly told me that you’re ready to move on from your parents…”

Seungcheol scrunches up his face, grabbing a cylindrical tool from off his cart as he eyes Jeonghan carefully. “Something like that, yeah.”

“And rumor has it, your dad hasn’t been happy about your brother and his new girlfriend.”

“I wouldn’t say new, but my dad has been acting new about her.”

“Well, he’s been making moves to target you instead.”

The tool wraps around the oil filter, and with a bit of strength, it loosens as more oil spills from the sides, flowing into the bucket in unison with Jeonghan’s news.

“He’s targeting me? Stop being so ominous and go straight to the point.”

“Maeri’s back,” Jeonghan finally spills, and Seungcheol pauses in his movements. “Your dad met up with hers the other day—I have this bad feeling he’s gonna try to set something up.”

Out of all the people that Seungcheol has met through his parents and from their “community” (aka the rich people cult), Jeonghan is the only person he trusts. Although Jeonghan will never cut ties from his generational wealth, his loyalty as friend and unconditional support for Seungcheol has always been admirable.

“I mean, he hasn’t called me and—”

“Hey! I’m back! I brought—” you stop in the middle of your driveway, staring at the car you could never afford in your lifetime before looking at Jeonghan and Seungcheol. “I—Oh, uh, hey.”

Jeonghan grins mischievously, stealing a glimpse of Seungcheol then back at you. “Hey, I’m Jeonghan. Seungcheol’s friend.”

You mimic his smile, and something in Seungcheol eats him up whole because he’s quick to speak before you do. “Jeonghan meet—” he says your name, then for a brief pause, he calls you by a label so confidently, he even surprises himself. “—my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend. He hears Pomp and Circumstance play inside of his head, the image of him receiving his diploma at the podium while in a cap and grown flashes before his eyes. Choi Seungcheol has finally graduated from the school of fuckboys, reaching that point in his life where he looks at the prettiest girl who manages to make his stomach tie into knots and call him his—truly his.

“Wow,” Jeonghan clicks his tongue. “Your girlfriend? Insane. I thought you said you weren’t gonna settle.”

He shrugs with that smirk on his face. “Wasn’t. But when you meet a girl like her, who are you to say no?”

Your cheeks heat up as you place the bag of food on the coffee table. “It’s uh… nice to meet you. I didn’t know Seungcheol had friends other than the girls he met at the club.”

Seungcheol shoots a glare but Jeonghan snickers. “I like you already,” he compliments, hand sliding into the pockets of his shorts. “I actually came to convince Seungcheol to attend a fundraiser that my mom is hosting this weekend,” the look Jeonghan gives his friend for a brief moment is suspicious, but the next inquiry gives it away. “… You should come too! Be his date.”

“Oh, um—”

“I’m not sure about that, Hannie,” Seungcheol interrupts, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t think she’d want to see that part of our lives.”

Jeonghan quirks a brow. “And why not? She’s dating you, right? I’m sure she can answer for herself, and I’m sure she wants to see that side of you and your family.”

Both Seungcheol and Jeonghan divert their attention to you.

“You know, you didn’t have to say yes to Jeonghan,” Seungcheol’s standing outside of your bedroom door, leaning against the wall while waiting patiently for you to get dressed. “It’s a whole thing if we go—it ain’t like going to a work party.”

“Well, he—he made a, ugh,” you grunt, and he could hear you shifting inside with a struggle. “He made a point, if I’m dating you, I’m dating all of you.”

“Baby, why are you getting ready in private again? You’re acting like I haven't seen all of you.”

“I’m just—gah,” you knock your foot into the bed frame and wince. “I feel awkward.”

Truthfully, ever since the two of you had made it official, things haven’t… escalated, ironically. The nights he sleeps over are all pure and innocent; he’d nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck, shower you with kisses, and wrap his arms around you to pull you close, resting your head on his chest.

But that was it.

Nothing more.

He hasn’t asked for it or initiated it, mostly because he’s slightly afraid you’d take it the wrong way but quite frankly, he’s been holding himself quite a bit. From when you come out the shower, the thin oversized shirt that hangs from your body is no match for your nipples protruding through the thin fabric, how you bend over to grab something and your sleeping shorts barely covering any skin, and there was even a time where you’d reach over his lap to grab something, breasts brushing against his thighs and ass up, he was wrestling with his sweatpants to hide his raging boner.

Trying to be a respectful gentleman, he keeps his distance. Normally, he’d be bold in his attempts to sway you—just as he did several times, including that night in his bedroom back at home, but now that you’re his girlfriend, it… feels inappropriate?

Weirdly enough?

A part of him is afraid you’d leave, especially when he’s got you now, but he admits that those cold showers aren’t doing any favors for him anymore.

“…Hey,” you call out again, this time it halts his train of thoughts with the door swinging open. Clutching onto the fabric of your dress in the front, his eyes immediately focus on your cleavage. Fuck. “The zipper is kind of low. Can you help me?”

He swallows that brick inside of his throat when you turn around.

Pushing your hair aside, you give him a view of your entire back. The zipper latch is right where your ass curves, and with a sharp inhale, he places a hand on your waist before pulling it up. It feels brutally slow, not to mention when he reaches up higher, he realizes where he expects your bra—there isn’t one. The smoothness of your skin is exposed and his dick twitches in his pants.

“Uh, um. I’m done,” he steps back, clearing his throat. “Ready?”

He feels like a vacuum sucked the air out of his lungs.

To him, you’re gorgeous all hours of the day. But something about today, in that tight fitting dress that hugs the outline of your body so well, and the makeup you applied only amplifies your beauty. He can’t help himself when he’s sneaking glances at your chest then back up to your eyes to the point he needed to get the fuck out of the house before he oversteps a boundary.

“Wow, uh, you look great!” Way to act natural. “Let’s uh, let’s head out.”

“Mkay,” you make your way before him to the front door, rummaging through the closet for your heels, and he turns away when your ass sticks out while you slip on your shoes. “Can you start the car?”

It’s going to be a long night.

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#gyukultfics #seungcheol #scoups #seungcheol fanfic #seungcheol x reader #scoups x reader #svt fanfic

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wandabear · 9 months

Text

WISH YOU WERE HERE - WANDA MAXIMOFF X FEMALE READER

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Summary: 17 years ago, a New Jersey high school girls’ soccer team travels to Seattle for a national tournament. While flying over Canada, their plane crashes deep in the wilderness, and the surviving team members are left stranded for nineteen months. Based on Yellowjackets

Jules is portrayed by Adelaide Kane. Here.

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THIS CHAPTER HAS SERIOUS WARNINGS: +18 Angst, death, violence, blood, mentions of abuse and allusion to anthropophagy -cannibalism- if you squint; minors dni. Please, as I said before, this is going to be harder on this chapter. And I'm responsible for letting you know that, but if you don't like it, you can choose not to read it. Or skip the 'BEFORE' and go to the 'NOW'. ㅤㅤ

Author's Notes: I must clarify again, all of them are 18 years old or more. Many characters -not the main ones- will not survive, and some will act in a way that is not okay. That doesn't mean I hate them or I don't like them. I just need the story to make sense.

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CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN FINALE

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤCHAPTER SEVEN

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ㅤㅤBEFORE

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That night marked the beginning of one of the worst moments of their lives. The horror got worse when they came back to the cabin, found the worst scene they could have imagined.

Many of the girls were on a completely psychedelic and dangerous trip due to the intake of alcohol and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Others didn't seem to have survived the overdose. ㅤㅤ

Natasha ran over to Yelena when she saw her throwing up in the bushes, Kate standing next to her, completely pale. The blonde didn’t stop crying and vomiting, kneeling next to the body of her girlfriend, her best friend, her soulmate. She was gone. ㅤㅤ

The night that should have been special, turned into a nightmare that many couldn't easily overcome.

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“How did you know where to find us?” Y/N asked Jules, trying to be strong when Wanda cleaned her face so she wouldn't have infections. Y/N had a severe cut over her swollen eyebrow, cheekbone, and lip. Two huge bruises in the rib area.

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Those who were feeling better were trying to get over the nasty hangover. While those who didn’t seem to be very well, were in the kitchen.

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“It was the deer woman.” Jules murmured almost imperceptibly, covering herself with a blanket. She felt awful chills, trying not to pass out from hunger and dehydration. “She told me to.”

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They all looked at each other not knowing what to say. Half of them were high, so they weren't going to judge her, but Y/N, Wanda and Natasha seemed pretty worried.

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Yelena frowned. “The fuck are you talking about?”

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Jules kept her blank gaze. “She said that she hates mischievous evil man… and and- I did it-”

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“What does that mean?” Nat asked this time, it was strange that Jules was the only one who managed to hear that ‘voice’.

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“I DON’T KNOW, I WAS DRUGGED!” Jules finally snapped and then began to cry. It felt horrible, and they all seemed to want to know the reason for everything. Except for Wanda, who seemed grateful.

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“Guys, you're asking too many questions and some of them can't even put two words together.” Wanda tried to bring peace. “She just saved us.”

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“She just… YOU WERE HIGH WITH FUCKING MUSHROOMS!” Hope moved closer to Jules, not in a very nice way. “You killed someone because you were high! You killed our coach! The only adult who could guide us in this madness!”

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“Hey, don't talk to her like that!” Natasha stood up and pointed at the girl, making her step back. “You were too while you were drooling the ground like a fucking worm.”

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“I killed him because he was going to do something to Wanda!” Jules sniffed, a little surprised that Nat stood up for her.

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“Well, we don't know now how it was because the Coach is dead!” Sharon huffed, but those words earned everyone's attention. ㅤㅤ

“Excuse me? Are you saying that I'm lying?” Wanda frowned, leaving that towel aside. Y/N was about to get up and hit Sharon, but didn’t because Wanda placed a hand on her shoulder.

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“The fuck is wrong with you?!” Y/N screamed anyway, feeling a shooting pain due to the swelling.

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“All I'm saying is we should listen to both sides...and one is dead. Chopped. TWICE.” Sharon shook her head, perhaps a bit sorry for her words or perhaps she still believed in that.

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“I was there, he wanted to…” Wanda swallowed hard. “h-he wanted to do things against my will... And if you don't believe me, just look at Y/N's face.”

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Y/N sighed deeply, trying to calm down. She was furious, especially with herself. Feeling so guilty and angry, how did she let him touch Wanda? How had she been so useless? She couldn't protect her.

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FIVE DAYS LATER

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Things didn't seem to improve between them, much less in survival. According to Jennifer, they have been there for three months now, and now winter has arrived. It could be seen in their faces, their bodies, and their spirits.

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Their lips dry and cut due to the cold, they were kept warm thanks to the fire that was lit all day. And sometimes even the blankets weren't helpful.

The worst came when some of them began to have flu symptoms, they were treated in the attic but without any kind of help, the condition progressed to pneumonia and died.

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The loss of those girls created a massive rift in them. The ones who believed that what happened to Jules had some kind of epiphany, and who just believed that it had been pure coincidence.

Strangely, those who first criticized her later began to treat her differently.

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Wanda sighed deeply and looked at the water in the bucket. Her pale hands turned red as she began to scrub the clothes. She didn't know why she did that, maybe because she didn't want to freeze to death in a corner. It was just water, they didn't even have soap anymore.

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“Are you okay?” Y/N knew it was the stupidest question she could ask, but did it anyway. Wanda was far from being okay, like all the other girls.

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Y/N was coming back from the day's hunt, which wasn't a hunt but more like wandering through the cold woods and looking for something to eat.

Her face was still hurt, although the swelling gradually disappeared, those wounds were beginning to heal slowly too., those wounds were beginning to heal slowly too., those wounds were beginning to heal slowly too.

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She took Wanda's hands, completely reddish from the cold, and caressed them to keep them warm.

Y/N knew that Wanda was having a difficult few days after Ward attacked her. Although the brunette tried to hide it, Y/N knew that the sadness inside was increasing. Nobody deserved to go through that.

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“Yeah, I'm just doing some laundry for myself.” Wanda only kept her gaze lowered, hadn't been feeling well for days. “I don't like keep on wearing the same clothes, even if it's stupid and doesn't make sense.”

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“Makes all the sense in the world, okay?” Y/N smiled tenderly and caressed her cheek, making Wanda look up. But even though those expressive green eyes could show all the love she felt inside, Y/N could also see the sadness and fear.

ㅤㅤ “I’m scared, detka.” Wanda said in a shaky voice, about to cry. Although she tried to be positive, everything seemed to get worse. “I don't want to die.”

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“I won't let anything happen to you.” Y/N said worriedly, cradling Wanda's face in her hands.

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“I want to do so many things, you know? I want to go out with you on a nice date, I want to visit New York too.” The sokovian finally cried. “I want to tell everyone that I love you…”

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“Wands…” she whispered; Y/N's vision was clouded by tears.

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“I want us to go to dinner with my parents, because I know they will adore you. And- and I want to live, I don’t want to die here.” Wanda finally burst into tears, hugging her girlfriend tightly.

Y/N just closed her eyes, allowing the brunette to cry for a while. ㅤㅤ

However, when she looked up to look out the window, Y/N could only see something beautiful and terrifying at the same time. It was snowing, and that could only mean the worst.

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Tired of listening to how some of them argued with each other, the redhead decided to go out for a moment even though it was cold. Nat left the cabin and noticed how Jules was wrapped in a blanket, watching the trees. “Hey… It's cold here.”

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But Jules didn't even answer.

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“It’s snowing…” Nat continued even though the dark-haired girl still ignored her. Snowflakes fell again and again, sealing their fates. “It used to be something beautiful.”

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“I just want to be alone.” Jules murmured, settling in between the covers.

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“It's understandable when you've got fifteen girls in there talking for three months.” Nat smirked. She was trying to be nice to Jules, for the first time.

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Natasha just sat next to her, but far from making the brunette's heart race as so many times before, Jules just kept her gaze on the trees. Lost. ㅤㅤ

“Half of them think I'm special or something, and it just freaks me out. I'm sick of it.” Jules swallowed, she hadn't been the same since the Doomcoming. “Half of them thinks I'm crazy… Maybe I am, I don't know what to think anymore.”

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Natasha turned to see her, a warm look this time. “You saved the girls, that's what matters.”

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“I can't think about it, only the blood on my hands.” The lump in her throat made it difficult for her to speak. “And every time I get colder and hungrier. We are.”

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She turned to see Nat, both of them sharing a moment and a necessary connection.

For the first time, Natasha felt like wrapping her arms around Jules and not letting her go. Maybe because she felt that Jules wasn't looking at her the way she used to, and that affected her.

But the cabin door opened and a blonde came out of the house, walking towards them. Carol was holding a book, quite dusty.

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“Jules, come here. You must see this.” The blonde took Jules's hand and pulled her; Carol seemed more excited than the girl. They all entered the cabin again. ㅤㅤ

“Easy, Danvers. What are you talking about?” Natasha frowned, noting that Jules didn't seem to want to but she did it anyway.

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“We found this book behind some old wood in the attic, under where we found the symbol, remember? The rare symbol under the guy's corpse.” Carol exclaimed excitedly. “You are the link with what surrounds us, with the wilderness. That horned or deer woman whatever, it’s… it’s the wilderness.”

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They all seemed quite confused, especially Y/N who was coming out of the kitchen with Wanda.

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“I’m not-” Jules said, her lips twitching uncomfortably. “I was just hallucinating.”

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“We found this in the stuff of the guy who lived here.” Helen Cho picked up the book and brought it closer so they could read it. Jennifer looked at it a bit skeptically.

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‘Deer Woman and the Myth…’ Jennifer couldn't finish reading what it said, the book was destroyed by mold. ㅤㅤ “It says here that the deer woman hunts men who have hurt women or children. She punishes them. See?” Helen and Carol looked excited. “It's what happened to you!”

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“That's not what happened.” Jules frowned, already more tired of all this. She's sick of everyone expecting something different than what it really was. “I killed Ward, I was high, that fucker was abusing one of my friends, that’s it.”

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“Yes, but-”

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“You both are taking this too far! This is just a stupid book full of myths and legends.” Natasha finally intervened between them.

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“Well, I do wanna know what it says there.” Sharon stepped forward, crossing her arms, ready to face them.

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“A lot of stuff in French but-” Helen muttered, opening the book and pointing to several old yellow pages. “It looks like the guy wrote some things at the bottom of the book.”

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“…‘she… it wants blood’.” She tried to translate the French, narrowing her eyes. “Spill blood and you will get what you want. Something like that.”

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“That’s creepy.” Yelena frowned, walking away from that book. ㅤㅤ

Pietro came over to take the book and look at it, those girls were definitely starting to lose their minds. “I knew that guy was up to no good. Burn this now if you don't want to go crazy.”

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“But if you think about it, he's right. The guy.” Carol tried to convince them, or perhaps convince herself to believe in something before giving up and die there.

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“What are you talking about?” Y/N finally snapped. “He killed himself!”

ㅤㅤ Wanda stayed by her side, watching everything.

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“No, but... Every time someone dies, the wilderness rewards us with something.” Helen seemed so excited about it, she looked crazier than usual and that was already a lot. She used to be quite a quiet girl. “When Ward and the girls died, that boar came to us and let you kill it, remember? We ate for days… When Monica died of pneumonia a month ago, that flock of birds crashed into our cabin.”

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The mention of Monica made Pietro clench his fists, but he said nothing. Just let the others take over.

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“That was pure coincidence!” Y/N chuckled wryly, couldn't believe what she was hearing. “We were lucky! That’s it!”

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“You don’t know that!” Sharon snapped. “Maybe we should give that thing more deaths to feed us.”

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“What the fuck, Sharon?!” Natasha's eyes widened. She went too far.

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“Have you gone completely crazy?” Y/N yelled, several seemed quite surprised or pissed by the blonde's words, others not so much.

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“I'm starving, and don't act like everyone doesn't think the same!” The blonde reached out to take the book from her friend's hands and pointed at them. “We are weak, we barely manage to wake up in the morning and get more wood!”

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“Yelena can't even catch a fucking fish, you're closer to catching a cold-” Hope added.

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“сука! The lake is fucking frozen!” Yelena yelled angrily, also insulting her in Russian.

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“It's winter, the lake froze over and we haven't eaten anything but bug or belt soup for a fucking week. A FUCKING LEATHER BELT.” Sharon got fed up and took off, going up to the attic. Many girls followed after them, clearly choosing a side.

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Y/N and the girls looked at each other, knowing that this would bring nothing but madness.

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Y/N sighed deeply, feeling how the cold froze every part of her skin. They were lucky to have a few furs and clothes to survive outside for at least a few hours. Their noses and sensitive parts of their faces were red and bruised from the cold. Nat walked beside her, trying to brush away the snow as they walked through the trees.

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“They're acting strange.” Y/N whispered, Natasha loaded the rifle ready to shoot whatever they saw.

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“I know. What Sharon said yesterday... they're losing their minds.” The redhead wrinkled her nose and pointed towards one of the trees, thinking that maybe it was a bird but then she noticed that it was just leafs. “Fuck! We all are. I thought that was a damn bird.”

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“I don't know what's wrong with them but if Sharon looks at me like that again, I'm going to throw her off a cliff.” Y/N growled, climbing a huge rock to observe some movement around them, but only saw snow and trees.

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“We’re hungry. We need to eat protein, and it's already started to snow. Yelena can't fish anymore, and we can't find anything.”

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Y/N looked worried. Natasha was always their leader, ever since she joined the team. If she didn't know what to do, then they were lost. “What are we going to do?”

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“I don’t know.” Nat looked at her sadly, there were only a few more hours to walk before the sunlight went out.

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Hours later, both returned to the cabin completely exhausted and discouraged. They had found nothing, not even a wretched worm to catch.

They all looked at them hopefully, like every afternoon, but they did not bring empty hands.

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“You’re okay?” Wanda asked quickly, reaching out to help them remove their clothes and move them closer to the fire. They could take a hot bath in the tub with water that they heated on the firewood, but sometimes it was better to only do it in extreme cases.

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But Sharon intervened, arms folded, growing weary. “AND? Did you get anything?”

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Neither said anything, they simply kept their gazes on the flames that flared as much as Sharon's anger. Y/N shook her head.

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“I see you guys come back empty-handed like the losers you are, and I thought you couldn't be more useless.” The blonde spat, moving from one side to another like a caged animal. Now it wasn't just Sharon, but some of the girls. “You two are death itself.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Do you want to say it to my face? Huh?” Y/N finally snapped, rushing towards her but Nat stopped her. “I’ll fucking kill you! I'm done with you!”

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“Do it, PLEASE, at least we would have something to eat!”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The screams drew everyone's attention, who came into the room worried. Natasha kept trying to stop Y/N, but Sharon made it pretty difficult by saying that stupid thing. “Don’t say that! What the hell is going on with you?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“We already tried your options, and it got us nowhere. You two go hunting every day and come back empty-handed.” Some girls nodded.

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“It's hard when there's nothing but damn snow!” Y/N huffed. “The river is frozen-”

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“We have nothing else to eat but the bones of the birds that crashed into the cabin, and I'm sick of dead bird soup!” Sharon spat out the poison, turning to look at the others. “This is fair… Who thinks we should try our option now?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Sharon, I understand that you always wanted to be the center of attention, but shut up already.”

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“We have already tried, letting you go hunting and they have not brought anything.” This time it was Carol who said that, surprising her friends especially Y/N and Jules. “Maybe it's time to try something new.”

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Y/N narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, Carol? You can't be serious.”

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“Someone has to die.” Helen held up the book, pointing to the pages.

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Wanda just opened her eyes wide, unable to believe what she was saying. She just shook her head, taking Y/N's arm to calm her down.

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“You’re insane.” Jules laughed wryly.

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“You can't do this, it's madness.” Natasha giggled sarcastically, she really couldn't believe the stupidity and ignorance she was hearing. “It's an old book by a fucking suicidal guy! doesn't it tell you something?!”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Sorry? Have we gone back to the time where we had to sacrifice people?” Wanda said annoyed and disgusted just thinking about it. “Have we gone that far?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Well, you tell me, four-eyes. We are heating water in pots and living by candlelight.” Sharon hissed.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I TOLD YOU DON'T CALL HER THAT!” Y/N pushed her, Sharon responded in the same way until they were all separated again. Pietro seemed to hold back, keeping to a corner. If Y/N hit her, he would be very proud.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Everyone, choose NOW.” Sharon pointed at everyone. “I'm sick of useless leaders. We are less and less, and the most coherent way is for one of us to sacrifice herself for the others, going away.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Jennifer put a hand to her face, trying not to hit her for the nonsense she was saying. Y/N, Wanda and the others were the same. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Helen nodded. “When wolves know that they are going to die, they know they are a burden to the pack. They just go away to die alone.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“We're not a pack of wolves.” Nat added, rolling her eyes and putting her hands on her waist.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is the way we'll do it.”

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“Sharon… you’re going insane.” Y/N moved closer until she was in front of the blonde, but Sharon just looked at her with enormous anger and envy.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“YOU ALL. Vote right now, who wants to keep eating bug soup or do something about it.”

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First, they were all quite doubtful whether to do it or not. They didn't want to cause more trouble, but at the insistence of both, they began to raise their hands.

Those who wanted to keep following Y/N and Natasha, or who wanted to try Sharon and Helen's way. They were seven against eight.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Oh no.

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Y/N frowned, seeing how some of them looked at her with pity but they had already decided, betraying them. The last one to give the final vote to them was Carol.

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“Good.” Sharon smiled. “We'll make it easy. Pass me the deck.”

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The blonde took the deck of cards that Hope gave her and showed them one of the cards. The Queen of Hearts. “We will take a card, and the one that draws the Queen of hearts... is the one who must go and face the wilderness.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha chuckled wryly, shaking her head. Really hurt by how crazy they were getting. “Oh, you guys had everything planned out perfectly while we were away, didn't you?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I understand that being hungry can make you all impulsive and reduce your fucking ability to make decisions in the long run, but this is wrong.” Y/N added.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

She took Wanda's hand to get away from that group and go up to the attic, feeling enormous pain for their betrayal. “So fucking wrong.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

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Gathered in the attic and illuminated by a gas lamp, Y/N looked at the door before approaching her friends. There were Wanda, Natasha, Yelena, Jules, Pietro and Jennifer.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is crazy.” Y/N whispered, watching them with concern. “We must stop them.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha sighed. “What do you suggest to do?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is my fault, they're crazy because of what I said when I was on mushies. I'm sorry.” Jules mumbled, her gaze completely lost.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is not your fault. Hunger is having a serious effect on them, it’s affecting them psychologically." Wanda leaned over to take the girl's hand, squeezing it softly. Thanks to Jules she was alive, she didn't care if was dancing naked to some weird god while she was high, Jules saved them.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“They're planning to kill us one by one.” Jennifer glanced at the attic door out of the corner of her eye, a little worried. “They were our friends.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Not mine, tho. They hated me a little.” Wanda scrunched her nose.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Maybe they're just bluffing.” Y/N just closed her eyes, completely stressed and in pain.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I don’t know…” Natasha narrowed her eyes. “Remove the bullets from the rifle… None of them are to be trusted now.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

That small group looked at each other and nodded.

The world is a vampire, sent to drain.

Gathered in a circle, they all looked at each other in front of the cabin. That place where long ago they had celebrated together, laughed and danced.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The cold began to burn their skin while Helen brought the book, the others carried the skull of the deer they hunted that first time. Like a divine message, inside the cabin, the fireplace burned fiercer than ever.

Y/N and Natasha looked at each other worriedly. This was insane.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“We need to find a way to stay alive.” Helen said and lit one of the candles on the skull. Carol brought that deck of cards to which they whispered: ‘We hear The Wilderness and it hears us.’

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is fucked up.” Y/N whispered, but no one paid attention.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda settled next to her, holding her hand tightly and Pietro's on the other side.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Carol held up the queen of hearts card for everyone to see, then arranged it in the deck, shuffling it well so it would get lost among the others.

Now everything depends on luck or wilderness.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Carol pulled out her card, followed by Sharon and Helen, who pulled out others. Neither was the queen and that made them sigh. The blonde approached Natasha, who just snorted.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Do it or it will be you.” Sharon ruled, approaching with a menacing look. Swallowing, the redhead looked at her with a deathly glare and took a card. It took her a few seconds to show it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Eigh of spades.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Next was Jules, who with trembling hands took the card and looked at it before showing it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Five of diamonds.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The brunette sighed and Carol approached each of them, who were taking a card until she reached Y/N. Keeping her gaze up, Y/N walked over to take a card.

Before looking at it, she clenched her jaw and lifted it up.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ Ace of Clubs.

ㅤㅤㅤ

The girl just swallowed and handed the card back to Carol, staring at her. The blonde seemed so guilty, couldn’t even keep her gaze on her friend.

The sokovian smiled and exhaled leaving that fear, feeling an enormous release when she saw that Y/N was safe.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The next one was Wanda, who moved a little nervously but Y/N smiled slightly at her, trying to make the girl feel safe.

Before everyone's gaze, who looked like enormous birds of prey, Wanda inhaled deeply and took the card from the deck, closing her eyes and praying she wasn't next. When she turned the card over, Wanda knew that the die was cast.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Queen of Hearts.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N's body tensed upon seeing the card, when it fell to the ground because Wanda's hands began to shake.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Half of them gasped while others looked at her like she was dinner.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This is the way we all made the deal.” Sharon closed the book and walked over with the hunting knife, handing it to Carol. “You can submit or you can run.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“The fuck?!” Natasha stepped forward, as did her friends, shielding her. Pietro stepped in front of his sister, about to go at whoever it was. But even though they tried, the other girls surrounded them.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Especially when Sharon raised the rifle, pointing it at Pietro’s chest. “It’s what we all agreed on. Stay away or I will shoot.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“That rifle has no bullets.” Y/N scoffed.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“There's one on the rifle, one on my pocket… that I took before you guys went hunting yesterday.” Sharon smiled all smug and then loaded the gun, making the cartridge jump, proving her right. “I won't ask again. MOVE.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

They all tensed, but Wanda moved forward leaving them behind. Her huge green eyes showed the fear she felt, as well as the tears.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“We're not really doing this, are we?” Y/N giggled and took a step towards Wanda but one of them stopped her. “Come on, it was just a joke. You can't do this shit.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

But none of them listened, the only one who seemed concerned was Carol. Pietro managed to punch one of them and moved forward but another hit his stomach, crumpling him.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“It’s Wanda, she saved and healed your wounds.” Y/N tried again, watching as her girlfriend closed eyes and let the tears fall. “You all actually lost your minds!”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

They all started screaming as Sharon advanced with the knife on Wanda. “Things must be done as the wilderness commands.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Don't you dare touch her.” Pietro hissed, trying to get free but three of them held him now.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Don’t do this… This doesn't make any sense.” Jules prayed that they would open their eyes, leave the madness behind.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Turn around.” But when Sharon raised the knife, Y/N exclaimed in despair:

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I volunteer!” Y/N took a step forward, not knowing what that meant or what was going to happen, but she would do anything to save Wanda’s life. “Let it be me!”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“You can’t do that.” Wanda shook her head quickly. Now the fear was much worse.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Yes, she can.” Sharon cut her off, then pulled out the hunting knife and gave it to Carol. “If wilderness accepts it, it is.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N took a step forward, taking courage, for the first time in her life. Her friends tried to stop it but Sharon pointed at them again.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Turn around.” Carol ordered, swallowing hard. Y/N just swallowed and turned around slowly and awkwardly, feeling how her muscles hardened. She didn’t know if it was because of fear or cold.

Y/N looked at her friends for the last time, who only seemed to cry and scream. The coldness of her knife blade made her jump.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N gasped. “Wait!” ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Bravely, she took Carol's hand and turned to face her once more. Her hands and legs trembled like jelly.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Not like that.” Y/N turned to face Carol, feeling how tears fell down her face. Like her, Carol allowed herself to shed tears as well. “You're gonna have to look me in the eye… if you're going to slit my throat, do it by looking me in the eye.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

For the first time, Carol hesitated. She pressed her lips together, trying not to cry but it was impossible.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Don’t do this to me, Y/N.” Carol whimpered, feeling her hand shake. The edge of the knife began to scrape Y/N's skin, but the seconds passed and she couldn't. “I can’t.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The blonde’s voice cracked. “You’re my friend.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The Y/N team sighed in relief.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“You've always been good at kicking but never at using your head.” Y/N murmured whimpering too, remembering the times both participated in the best plays together.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The blonde came closer to whisper something in her ear, without removing the knife from Y/N’s neck. But with her free hand, Carol hugged her.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Y/N?” Carol whispered with a shaky voice. “The rifle only has one bullet on the barrell. Just one.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“What?” Y/N whispered too, widening her eyes in fear.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Run.” Without further ado, Carol pushed her away towards the door and lunged at Helen to punch her, allowing Y/N to escape.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“You fucking traitor!” Sharon screamed and shot Carol in the chest, taking her life instantly. At the horrified scream of the other girls, the blonde ran after Y/N leaving the rifle but taking the axe.

Nat and Jules rushed over to Carol to try to help her and stop the blood but it was impossible. The lost look and pale face of the girl only showed that she died. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Stay here and keep them here.” Pietro told his sister before going out the door.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Pietro, please.” Between tears, Wanda prayed that her brother and Y/N were okay.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Are you running? Is that your choice?!” Sharon ran after Y/N between trees. Screaming and howling like wild animals, she and Helen ran across the Canadian arctic tundra.

While running on the cold snow, Y/N looked back when she heard a horrible human howl.

ㅤㅤㅤ

They were crazy, they had lost their minds. They shot Carol. She stopped behind the huge tree, trying to lose them.

Y/N closed her eyes when she heard the footsteps of those girls, following her way.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N tried to hold back crying, just clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. She was so afraid, like never before.

Y/N didn't want to die, she didn't want to leave this world, she wanted to have a girlfriend, be a better person, choose a good career at any college that would accept her. It wasn't fair to end her life like this.

ㅤㅤㅤ

It wasn’t fair.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Her heart was pounding so hard, she thought her eardrums would burst soon.

Y/N’s eyes widened when she heard their howls approaching again, so the girl ran back in the opposite direction. She knew this place, traveled it thousands of times more than them. ㅤㅤㅤ

“Use your head, Y/N.” She told herself before taking one of the paths towards the lake. Behind the lake was the place she found long ago, where she and Wanda used to hang out. That place would be good to hide, yes.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N ran across the frozen white lake, despite the stumbles and pain. Despite the cold she felt, she ran with all her might.

Especially when she heard how they were running after her in the lake. But after a few minutes, the terrifying sound of crack made her stop short, fear paralyzed her.

ㅤㅤㅤ Slowly, the ice around her began to crack but if she didn't move, everything would be fine.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Of course, the others didn't seem to have noticed, so when Helen and Sharon ran towards her desperately, Y/N turned to see them taking a step back.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You’ll die.” Sharon raised the axe.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We all will eventually.” Y/N swallowed and waited for the end. She stomped on the ice below them and it shattered completely, causing them to fall into the frozen water.

ㅤㅤㅤ

The frozen water threatened to freeze her lungs.

Y/N swam into the water and tried to rise to the surface, but something grabbed her leg, pulling and sinking her.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Sharon insisted on haunting her life, even to take Y/N with her. ㅤㅤㅤ

They struggled underwater until slowly their hands lost the strength to continue. Y/N saw with sadness how the light was lost in Sharon's gaze, she was gone.

Sharon's frozen hands were still clinging to her jacket, pulling it down.

ㅤㅤㅤ

And soon she would be gone too. Feeling how the last breath and air escaped from her lips, Y/N closed her eyes.

But at the last moment, like a miracle, a hand grabbed her arm and pushed to the surface. Not just her, but Sharon as well.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Pietro helped Y/N out of that hole, both desperate for as much air as their lungs would allow, even though it hurt like thousands of daggers.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Th-thank you.” Y/N stammered shivering with cold. She took Sharon's arm and they both pulled that body out of the water. “Why risk your life for two corpses?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“B-because you deserve to live, you m-make my sister happy like I've never seen her… and as I told you before, you're a good l-leader.” Pietro was shaking too, getting up slowly and helping Y/N to do the same. "And her? We d- we don't want them to think we killed her, you both fell into the r-river. We'll b-bury her like the rest.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

When they both arrived at the cabin with Sharon's cold body, they all seemed quite surprised and sad at the same time.

Sharon's madness had brought everyone to a point of no return, especially for Y/N and Carol.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Completely frozen, the first to take the hot bath was Y/N, who wouldn't stop shaking. Pietro spent a long time in front of the fireplace, until the bath was ready. Of course, that decision would cost him dearly.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Her gaze was so lost in the flames of the fireplace; how had everything become so terrifying?

Y/N felt like something inside of her completely snapped. Deeply broken. Perhaps being about to die slit by one of her friends, or seeing that friend die in front of her, plus they hadn't eaten well for three months.

ㅤㅤㅤ

It was all so painful that she allowed herself to shed a few more tears.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Hey.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha's soft voice caught her attention, but Y/N couldn't take her eyes off the fire.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Asking if everything was alright seemed fucked up, so the redhead decided to go for the best she could: “Is there anything I can do to ease the pain?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N finally looked at her with a look full of sadness but also kindness. “Where’s Wanda?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“She's with Pietro in the attic, taking care of him. I think he has a slight fever. Jules is helping too.” Natasha sighed and sat down next to her best friend.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N looked down, feeling quite guilty. Pietro risked her life for her and now he was fighting to stay alive. With all her heart, she hoped Wanda didn't hate her.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Nat said with a lump in her throat, her green eyes brimming with tears.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N just nodded slowly and sighed deeply, she must be strong. For all the girls who were left.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We can't bury them, the ground is frozen and the snow...” Y/N whispered, she couldn't go on.

ㅤㅤㅤ Natasha nodded, surprised. “We have to burn them.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Yeah…”

ㅤㅤㅤ

With Jenn and Yelena’s help, they took Carol and Sharon's body to the pyre they had made with some logs and branches. While the sun was hiding on the horizon, the fire began to lick the branches and the bodies of those girls hungrily.

The rattling of the fire was all that could be heard.

ㅤㅤㅤ

With sadness and a few tears, they watched from the window as the fire burned the bodies of those who were once their friends. ㅤㅤㅤ

But after a while, as a horrible dark monster deep inside them woke up, the smell reached them and tortured them. A monster awakening in the need for survival, awakening thousands of thoughts and feelings that made them conflict.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N swallowed as fire lit their eyes. All of them, sharing the same moral battle.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Y/N?” For the first time, Natasha sounded completely fragile. Y/N turned to see her, noticing the sadness and disappointment in her green eyes. Self control.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Her full lips trembled.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I’m so hungry... it's hurting me.” Natasha wept, so ashamed of herself, feeling her eyes fill with tears. “I don't want to do this, but I feel like something is in me... something so bad… so hungry.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N remembered Wanda's words, completely heartbroken. “I'm scared. I don’t wanna die here. I wanna live.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

And those words marked her like hot steel on her skin.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We need to survive.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

The hours went by and Wanda didn’t abandon her brother.

The cold and the heat, the tremors in Pietro's body. The tears that she was tired of shedding. Jules decided to go down for a moment to discuss the situation with the girls, Pietro seemed to be fighting a high fever and cough.

ㅤㅤㅤ If he didn't make a recovery, he could progress to complicated pneumonia and that wasn't a good prognosis.

ㅤㅤㅤ The sokovian sighed, watching how Pietro managed to calm down for a moment, grateful that someone was going up to the attic.

ㅤㅤㅤ

She turned quickly when she heard the voice of Y/N, who sat next to her. In her hands, Y/N brought a steaming bowl which made Wanda's hopes revive.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Hey, babe.” Y/N smiled slightly, with a certain sorrow. “I brought something for both of you. My favorite sokovian team.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda just looked at her with teary eyes and nodded, glad to see her there. “Thank you, detka.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

The brunette kissed her cheek carefully and took the bowl to bring it closer to her brother, so she could feed him.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“What is it?” Wanda frowned, curious.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“It will keep him alive.” Y/N replied without elaborating, hoping she would understand that the idea was to survive.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda looked at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. Words were unnecessary at that moment. She just took the bowl and nodded, moving closer to Pietro who was burning with fever.

If they wanted to survive, they had to try.

ㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤNOW

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N returned to the living room, noticing that Nat and Wanda kept chatting pleasantly. She smiled, thinking about how beautiful the brunette looked today And when their eyes met, this time in a very different way, Wanda smiled.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“So…” Jules walked past her, snapping her out of her daydreaming. “You both suggested we meet, and I must say that a delicious spaghetti is cooking in the kitchen so…” Jules sat next to her wife. “We have a while to chat.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Yeah, I’m surprised these two are not killing each other.” Nat arched an eyebrow. Wanda and Y/N looked at each other for a moment and said nothing, sitting down on the sofa. ㅤㅤㅤ

“Yep, well… ” Wanda started, sitting next to Y/N. “We have something to tell you.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“WANDA has something to tell you.” Y/N quickly corrected it.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Coward.” The sokovian whispered, shaking her head. She took a deep breath to take courage and finally express that great secret.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We found out the person who is blackmailing us.” She pursed her lips, Y/N just nodded watching her friends widen their eyes in surprise.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“What?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“That's great, let's go find this asshole right now.” Natasha got up from the sofa, ready to go but then she stopped when she saw how her friends shook their heads.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Yeah… We already found him.” Y/N narrowed her eyes.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“What do you mean?” Jules frowned.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“The blackmailer was Vision.” Wanda finally let go, and closed her eyes when her friends yelled 'WHAT' at the same time, again.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda took the time to explain everything that happened with Vision, and why he did it. Of course, that didn't seem to matter much to Natasha, who seemed completely furious.

Especially after knowing that he was to blame for beating her pregnant wife.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Then everything is fine, besides that he will return the money to Y/N…” Jules placed a hand on her chest, feeling her soul return. “What happened is still safe with us.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Does Vision know what we did?” Natasha frowned as she leaned over to pick up a can of soda. Ever since Y/N came back, no one drank alcohol around her. Not because she wanted to, but to respect her.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“He knows nothing, nor will he say anything. I swear.” Wanda sighed. Y/N placed a hand on Wanda's back, as a sign of support. But that made their friends look at them curiously.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“What we did…” Jules began somewhat thoughtfully. “It's not easy, for none of it was.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Leaving that weight behind takes a lot of pain and time and we have all paid for it.” Y/N nodded. “We tried to survive, and the others as well.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“They lost their minds, and how not to? We spent a year and a half in the forest.” Natasha said with some regret, looking down. There were no days where she didn’t remember her friends, her team. “And we did it too.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Was there really something there? Playing with us?” Y/N hesitated to ask but did, she needed to know.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We will never know, but that horror must be left behind.” Nat sighed heavily.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I'm really sorry for everything that happened to us. Every night I pray to whoever, that they are okay. None of them deserved that.” Wanda said and they all remained silent for a moment, remembering her brother. ㅤㅤㅤ

After a moment of silence, listening to some soft music, Jules cleared her throat.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Changing the topic…” The black-haired girl bit her lower lip and looked at Natasha, who smiled tenderly. “We want to tell you something.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

She looked at Nat who squeezed her hand and nodded, giving the okay to finally let go. One of the most important moments of their lives.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We’re pregnant.” Jules let out an excited squeal. “We are going to be moms!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda and Y/N opened their eyes wide, as big as their smiles. Finally some joy came into their lives, after so much pain.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“OH MY GOD!” Wanda squealed. “That’s amazing!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Dude, we’re having a baby!” Y/N screamed too; they both tried to fake surprise. But Natasha was a really good detective, and Jules was too empathetic.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Yeah, you told her already, don't you?” Nat narrowed her eyes and threw a cushion at Y/N. “You dumbass!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You had to open your big mouth!” Jules did the same, attacking Y/N with pillows, laughing.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“SORRY, I WAS SO HAPPY. I COULDN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!” Y/N exclaimed between laughs, trying to cover herself with the pillows.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Sorry, detka, I don't know how to lie.” Wanda scrunched her nose and laughed. “I couldn't help it.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You're very lucky I love you.” Y/N winked at her, playfully. But her friends soon noticed, they stopped short, still holding the cushions in their hands.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Wait, you… you two are-?” Jules narrowed her eyes and smiled happily, pointing at them. “You bitches. You finally did it.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“No, really? they don't stop ogling each other, have you noticed it NOW?” Nat continued with the joke and they all laughed.

ㅤㅤㅤ

After a delicious dinner, some smiles and knowing glances, Y/N was with her sister in the kitchen, washing the dishes while Wanda and Natasha chatted in the living room about being a mom.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Jules passed one of the dishes and Y/N dried them. Although Nat offered to buy her a washing machine so many times, Jules always said that washing the dishes relaxed her.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I'm so glad you're okay, you both trying to do this right.” Jules smirked, glancing sideways at Y/N. “You look much happier and healthier, I am very happy to see you like this. You deserve it.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N smiled and nodded. “I feel... so much better than before.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

She stopped for a moment, thinking well about the words she would use.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep, I stop feeling that deep dark hole inside of me. I'm beginning-... I'm beginning to think that maybe something good could happen to me.” Y/N's voice showed how hopeful she felt. Jules turned quickly to see her, her eyes showed how moved and proud she was.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I'm so proud of you, Y/N. Mom would be too.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You think so?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I do.” Jules nodded and looked down to turn off the faucet and hand her the last plate. “You deserve to be happy, so does she, you have no idea what Wanda was like before you came. I don't know what you two have been doing all this time, but I have to tell you, she looks... happy. Glowing.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N smiled and nodded, wiping down the plate. “You know, I was thinking about what you said today? About what we did.” she swallowed. “I let all of that get to me, and what we went through later with Mama Claire... I left you alone and I'm so sorry.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We can't fix much of what we did, but we can do better. Every time we can.” Slowly, Jules reached out to hug and rest her head on Y/N’s shoulder. After a moment, she dared to speak, somewhat embarrassed. “I'm so afraid.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Afraid of what?” Y/N looked down, noticing Jules's blank look.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Sometimes I feel like this little baby deserves so much better.” The woman bit her lower lip, releasing one of her deepest fears. “I’m so lucky to have Natasha by my side, but I'm so scared, you know? I feel like something…something won't let me forget what I did there. Fucking Ward.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

She swallowed, feeling Y/N's hand caress her back affectionately.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Don't let fear or the past take away the most beautiful moments of your life. You’ll be an amazing mom.” Y/N said in a low voice, taking Jules's hand, smiling when she rested on her shoulder again. “Wonderful, kind, funny. You know math, that’s a lot, dude. Am I forgetting something else?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Oh stop it, you're just flattering me.” They both laughed and Jules patted her. “But i’ve to say… you will be a great godparent.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Those words took Y/N by surprise, who turned to see her so surprised. “What?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Jules nodded, smiling. “You in?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Completely shocked and excited by the choice of her friends, she didn't know which emotion to show first. She felt happy, surprised, a little terrified of screwing it. “Are you- are you sure?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“So sure.” She giggled when Y/N hugged her so tight, like a huge bear. “With my whole life. We are cousins, but we grew up together as sisters. Except for Natasha, there's no one who knows me like you do… And I know that there will be no one in this world who will take better care of my little one.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You know Wanda would do better, she has experience with kids.” Y/N whispered, looking down for a moment while her friend poured three cups of coffee for them, one cup of tea for herself.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Well, you guys are together, aren’t you?” Jules winked at her. “Then it’s the same. Also the other godparent will be Yelena. So this baby will go crazy!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

They both shared a laugh, before returning to the room, Jules took her arm. “I love you, Y/N.” She caressed her cheek with unique softness, her brown eyes brimming with tears. “My sweet brave Y/N. I am proud to be your sister.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Completely moved by her words, Y/N smiled. “I love you so much, Jules.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

And the months passed quickly, especially when you're happy. ㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha and Jules were able to enjoy every month of the pregnancy. Of course, the redhead became very protective of her wife, and their little bumblebee. Although they could have figured it out long ago, they decided not to find out if it was a boy or a girl until birth.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N always showed how proud she felt to be the godparent, although it always unleashed adorable fights with Yelena to see who was better auntie or with which of the two the baby kicked the most.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Beating all the odds, Y/N stayed sober all those seven months. By attending a NA group and a new therapist, the dark haired woman was able to leave behind much of what was hurting her to start anew.

And Wanda was a big part of the new hope inside her. The relationship with Wanda improved a lot.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Since they had spent the first night together, the dates became more frequent. Of course, the sokovian seemed to want to go slow, it was the best for both, but at the same time they both wanted so much more.

Y/N also worked hard to make her feel safe, patiently winning her heart.

The twins fully understood that their parents were divorcing because they were no longer happy together. That Vision was in love with Virginia and that Wanda was in love with Y/N. ㅤㅤㅤ

The first time they met, Y/N was terrified. She hesitated many times whether to knock on the door or run away but finally, she decided to face all her fears for Wanda. Because she deserved it, they both deserved a chance. Incredibly, she made the best decision of her life.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“So, do you like it?” Y/N asked as she cut up some mini sandwiches and brought them to the coffee table in front of the sofa.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“We love it!” Billy exclaimed with that console in his hands. Tommy nodded, taking a mini sandwich.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“When I was a kid, I loved playing this one. My family didn't have a lot of money so I sold some candy and delivered newspapers so I could buy it.” Y/N smiled to see how Billy was looking at the console with curiosity and an adorable smile.

ㅤㅤㅤ

For a while now the boy hadn't stopped telling her how happy he was catching pokemons in the 'Fire Red Pokemon'. ㅤㅤㅤ

“They are not the same one, of course. I lost mine a long time ago on a trip with your mom and your aunties.” She swallowed hard and smiled sadly. “But I got these for you. It’s not the new Switch one, that… one is so much better, but… I thought you might like this one too. I like it.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Feeling a bit shy, Y/N always had a soft spot for old-school stuff. As if part of her didn't want to give up the innocence and past she lost in the woods.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Thank you, Y/N!” The twins said at the same time and hugged her waist, making her laugh a bit. Y/N ruffled their hair when they parted.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I’m glad you liked it, boys. I was afraid it would bore you.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“This is amazing! We like spending time with you, Y/N.” Tommy smiled and ran back to the sofa.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“You’re so funny… and you make mom happy.” Billy was encouraged to say with a toothy smile and then followed his brother.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I'm not that boring, huh. Take that, anxiety.” Y/N sat on the other couch, taking control of the TV. Outside, the sky was beginning to darken from the coming storm.

ㅤㅤㅤ

They were together for another half hour until the door opened, Wanda came into the house somewhat in a hurry and soaked by the rain.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't want to be late, it's just that in the end I couldn't find a place to park, it was chaos!” Wanda exclaimed as she took off her soaked coat in the doorway. She couldn't help but smile when she saw them like that.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N came over to give her a little peck and help her with her bag and coat. “So? How was it?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

The twins left the console and sat on the sofa, as expectant as Y/N to hear the news.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Oh… well…” The brunette scrunched her nose. She inhaled deeply, then released it. “They gave it to me! I've got the job!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

The three approached and began to jump and cheer with the sokovian.

As soon as the little ones hugged their mother -and then walked away saying 'ew' because her clothes were still wet-

ㅤㅤㅤ

“The good thing is that I can do it from home.” Wanda explained to Y/N speaking fast, all excited. “All I need is my laptop.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“That’s amazing, babe! Oh, I’m so happy for you.” Y/N bit her lower lip. Finally everything started to go well, right?

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Me too.” Wanda smiled happily. “I can finally do something for myself. Isn't it amazing?”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“It is, my love.” Y/N walked over to wrap her arms around her. “You deserve it more than anyone. I’m so proud!”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I love you so much, detka.” Wanda's green eyes sparkled with happiness.

ㅤㅤㅤ Y/N just smiled tenderly.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“I love you too, luv.” They both looked at each other for a moment before leaning their foreheads together, losing themselves in each other.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Well, I’m gonna take a bath but first… I think today we can celebrate by ordering pizza and ice cream. What do you think about it? And maybe I’ll even let you guys try to beat me at Monopoly.” Wanda said, looking at the three of them.

ㅤㅤㅤ

The adorable twins squealed with excitement and jumped on the sofa happily. And although Wanda tried to stop them, she ended up laughing.

Y/N just smiled happily from where she was, feeling that maybe she finally had a place in the world. A comfortable and pleasant place.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Hours later, after a delicious pizza and a night of laughter, Y/N and Wanda slept peacefully for a few hours until a screeching sound interrupted them. Outside, the storm was fiercer than ever.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“It's so late... who is it?” Y/N murmured sleepily, trying to go back to sleep entwined with the body of her beloved. It was 2 AM. ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda just snuggled against the covers, opening one of her eyes to see how Y/N's phone began to vibrate and ring again insistently. “I don't know, it's your phone, detka.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Sorry.” Y/N muttered before yawning, sitting up on the bed to take the call. The screen said that her number was unknown, which made her frown. “Hello?... Yeah, it’s me.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N sat up in bed and ran a hand over her face, trying to wake up. She tried to understand what the person was saying, but nothing seemed to make sense.

Her eyes showed confusion and fear, her lips trembled.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“What? Wh- What do you mean?” Y/N said shocked, surprised, terrified. Hearing her voice like that, Wanda also got up feeling her heart jump. “No… No, that’s-”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Detka, what is it?” Wanda put a hand on her shoulder and tried to understand, Y/N seemed lost in shock.

ㅤㅤㅤ

With her teary eyes, Y/N begged: “That's not true.”

ㅤㅤㅤ

“N-no… You must be wrong.” She started to cry, getting up to put on her clothes and dropping the phone on the bed.

ㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda hesitated whether to hug her or take the phone, but she needed to know what the hell was going on.

ㅤㅤㅤ

“Hello? Yes, I’m-” The brunette finally managed to understand, opening her green eyes wide, listening to the person on the other end of the call. “Oh… Yes, we will-”

ㅤㅤㅤ

Y/N walked away looking for her jacket but she couldn't help but walk down the hall and cry in silence. But the voices became distant, more and more. All Y/N could hear was the annoying beep. Like white noise. Everything about her was shattered. Everything inside her was starting to break down.

🐝🐝🐝 Only one chapter left.

This is the hardest chapter to write. The finale is all about present day. Although it is not direct, it is an allusion. I didn't know whether to make them make that decision or not, but the truth is that survival is harsh. I don't think I can made it as harsh and as selfish as in Yellowjackets.

Those women were selfish (and human, that's perfect. That's the point of the tv show, this moral battle), but our girls are not like that. They're good friends.

I'm babbling too much, I'm sorry if this is not okay for you. Maybe you'd better skip this past, and just finish the story with the next one. It's all about present. Have a good sunday, sweets. 🐝

ㅤㅤ

the cutest and lovely people tags ✨ @kaiidth-wandika @yourfavunsub @pawiie @fanboy7794 @sunsol-22 @scarlettbitchx @arcturusseer @imnotasuperhero @chtte @lesbians-in-outer-space @starry-night17 @cristin-rjd @kenlymar @chtte @marvelogic @druggedduck @aliherreraaa @widowwaddles @gingiesworld

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#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda x reader

156 notes · View notes

miela · 7 months

Text

Shattered Memories • Chapter III: A Sense of Reunion II • {Peter Parker x Stark!Reader}

Chapter Genre: Angst (???) Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Substance Abuse Masterlist

↪ divider by firefly-graphics

VIDEO LOG #20 / 10 JUNE 2026

Hey (Y/N),

It’s me, Peter.

It’s been almost two years since you have forgotten about me. And to be honest, these two years have been absolutely hell without you. I got a redo on life as most people wish for but be careful what you wish for I guess. I have a new life and it’s okay. I have friends from school but they’ll never compare to you, Celina, Ned, and MJ. I have two jobs and they pay okay. It helps with rent. I’m still out there being Spiderman, I haven’t heard anything about you though which I guess is understandable. I hope you’re doing okay.

I miss you….I miss you so much. In times like these, I know I could always turn to you, lay my head on your shoulder, and cry…you would rub my back, kiss the top of my head, and tell me that everything is going to be okay...because we had each other. I feel like I took those moments for granted even though I know I didn’t. I just really miss you.

I hope one day…I could be in your arms again. I love you so much.

[END RECORDING]

I know who you are.

It rang and echoed in Peter's head after you said it. His heart didn’t know what it wanted to do; stop and explode or race and explode. He looked at you with an expression he could only imagine was a mix of shock and anticipation. How long did you know? Is that why you came to find him? Because you remembered him? There were so many things he wanted to say, ask and do.

But before he could even react, your words knocked his cathedral of hope down to the ground just as quickly as it was built up.

"But I don't remember you."

And there it was. The catch. His heart dropped.

Of course, it wouldn’t have been that easy for him. Even though five years went by and that was more than plenty of time for you to figure it out with what little information you had, Strange’s spell was thorough and very effective. Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream or cry or to crawl in a dark hole and whither away. He didn’t even know how to respond. How was he supposed to explain everything to you? How was he supposed to explain his reasoning for not following through with his promise five years ago?

He just looked at you dumbfounded.

You pressed your lips together and nodded slowly at his response of silence. “When going through the Avenger files, I saw your file. Funny how I recognized everyone else but I didn’t recognize you. Even funnier that we were partners in justice and crime fighting and I didn’t even remember your face. So I did a month-long deep dive.”

Peter never took his eyes off of you and you never took your eyes off of him. He could tell you were getting serious although your expression was still pretty relaxed. On the other hand, he could feel his jaw clench from his nerves making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“I asked around. I asked Sam, Bucky, Dr. Cho, Ned, MJ, Celina…anyone who has a connection to you and none of them know who you are. Well, MJ and Ned said you come into the coffee shop a lot, but they don’t know you. See, memories can be erased from people, but not from algorithms. We went to the same high school, both were in the academic decathlon with MJ, and we had almost all the same classes together. We were both Avengers, we were a duo team because we have the same powers, I remember every single mission, Hell, I remember fighting you,” you continued with emotion in your voice that Peter could only guess was frustration. “But I don’t remember…you.”

Peter decided he wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and then tell you everything, but he had his reasons for not telling you.

“For five years I’ve been dreaming of this guy. I call him the Faceless Boy. I have dreamt of him every single night since that day five years ago. The dreams are more than dreams, more than that dream-walking shit Celina talks about. These dreams are memories with someone who is so foreign to me.” You walked over by him slowly and stopped when you were about three feet away and you looked up into his eyes. “When I snuck through your window today, I expected a different response from you after webbing me to the wall.”

Peter gulped slightly.

“You talked to me like you knew who I was. A long-time friend that you haven’t seen in a while and one you weren’t expecting to see for an even longer while. And then when we shook hands…?” You chewed on your lip nervously, almost like you were afraid to say the next bit. “For five years, I’ve had this hole in my chest, as if something was carved out of my life when it wasn’t supposed to be. I’ve tried to fill it with anything and everything and I failed every single time. So tell me why when we shook hands I never felt it so whole before. A simple handshake from a boy from Queens filled my emptiness like he was the missing puzzle piece.”

Peter’s heart raced as you spoke and looked at him with a desperation for answers, but he couldn’t speak. He didn’t know how to respond as you searched his dark eyes for answers. He didn’t want to lie to you but…he also didn’t want to tell you the truth. The truth is what is keeping you safe and what is keeping you sane.

“I know you feel it right now,” you said. “The pull.”

The pheromonal connection.

Peter could feel it, He didn’t stop feeling it since he sensed you in his apartment, especially after the handshake. His senses were in a frenzy, he could only imagine how yours were, especially when you couldn’t even remember who he was to you. He pressed his lips together.

“So tell me, Peter Parker,” you started again. “What happened?”

Peter looked deeply into your eyes and slowly brought his hand up to your cheek and gently caressed it before laying his hand on it. You leaned your face into his touch and closed your eyes. His senses instantly focused on you. Your breath hitched as you opened your eyes again to look up at his dark ones.

He wanted to tell you everything so badly. He wanted to tell you how he knew you like the back of his hand. He wanted to tell you that he knew your favorite things and that you couldn’t cook to save your life, and that you loved to dance and you did ballet since you were a child. He wanted to tell you how in high school you would viscerally defend him every time Flash Thompson opened his mouth and called Peter “Penis Parker” and how when you found out Flash’s real name you started using it just to piss him off and shut him up. He wanted to tell you about how MJ didn’t like him at first because she was afraid that the same situation that happened with him and Liz would happen to you. He wanted to tell you how you and Ned would constantly bicker over who was the coolest character in Star Wars and that everyone thought your favorite anime was Chainsaw Man but he knew it was actually Sailor Moon (and that you constantly argued that Usagi would floor Goku anytime any day and any era). He wanted to tell you everything about yourself and your memories until his jaw hurt from talking too much.

But everything in him told him not to.

“(Y/N)...” he began. “I-”

Before he could finish his sentence your eyes blinked rapidly and your brows furrowed before you winced and hissed. You held your head as you let out a noise of pain and Peter instantly pulled back.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)! Are you okay? What’s happening?!” Peter panicked.

After a moment you looked up at him catching your breath softly. “Yeah….yeah. I’m fine. Like I said before. Stark Stress.”

Peter called total bullshit on that.

“What were we talking about?” You asked softly to no one in particular.

Peter looked at you wide eyes filled with confusion and concern.

“Uh…” he searched his scatterbrain for something to say. “The…uh…Avenger Files? You were going to tell me why you were going through the Avenger files, yeah…mhm…”

You looked at him with a knowing expression. “Parker, I remember everything I said. It was a rhetorical question.”

“Oh…!” Peter squeaked.

You rubbed your temples and smiled up at him. “You won’t tell me anything. That’s fine I won't force you. Whatever you did, you did it for good reason.” You leaned back on the table. “I’ll figure it out anyway. Just promise you’ll be honest with me when I ask about something.”

Peter nodded. “Y-yeah! Yeah, sure, yeah I’ll be …uh….I’ll be honest.”

“Great!” you clapped your hands together. “Now down to business. I didn’t just drag you here to interrogate you.” You turned to the table to avoid his gaze.

You were deflecting the situation. Peter knows because you tend to do that when you have felt like you came off too strong in a situation and your way of reacting was to pretend like it was nothing big in hopes that the other person would follow suit. At this moment, Peter was glad you did, because he would’ve done it if you didn’t. Especially when those Stark Stress Migraines seemed more like Parker Stress ones. Both times you guys made contact you had a strong reaction. It scared him and he wanted to know why. He wished he could have asked Strange about this, but Strange didn’t remember him and probably wouldn’t even remember the spell.

He guessed that was his big sign to keep his distance from you.

Later, he was taken back home in time for him to go out patrolling once more. He swung across the veins of New York City as he thought about the events that happened.

Today was a really strange day.

After your whole interrogation, you told him about your plans for the NAI and the scholarship that Tony had left for him.

“My dad had an actual internship and scholarship set aside for you but obviously it was meant for MIT. I changed it up a bit for your sake. So your last five years will be compensated and paid off tuition-wise and the rest of your time in school will be paid in full. You will also have an internship opportunity whenever you’re ready for it. It will be a summer internship so you can have full focus on it without any distractions, or you could do it during winter break. Whatever works for you.” You pointed at the holographic screens respectively.

Peter looked at the holograms in shock. Tony was planning on doing all of this for him. He shouldn’t be surprised but he was…and was touched by it. And you modifying it to fit his needs made it all the more… meaningful. He did remember Tony offering him a grant when he first came to visit him but he thought he wasn’t serious about it and was using it for code to add to the stark internship.

He almost didn’t take it, but you insisted.

“Parker, this was something my dad set in place years ago. Consider it a token of gratitude. He would want this for you.” you explained. “But I won't force it on you if you really don’t want it.”

Peter sighed when he stopped on a building to think. He hated keeping the truth from you, and he hated that you were suffering all this time because of your migraines. He remembered your big reaction to both times that he touched you.

It was hurting you.

He wondered if it would be the same for Ned, Celina, and MJ. Would they have a splitting headache if he got close to any of them too? The whole point of this stupid spell was to protect the ones he cared about, not cause them pain.

He really, really hated magic.

He sighed and sat down at the edge of the building. He thought about what you went through in the past years without him. He had hoped that you would have been living your best life without worry, but instead, you were dreaming about him without knowing who he was, and he had to sit there and not tell you that it was him that you were dreaming about.

It was best to just stay away from you all. Like it was intended five years ago.

He needed a distraction. He remembered one of his friends from school mentioning a party at his Fraternity House this weekend that Peter initially said no to going to. But after today he could use it. He took out his phone and called him.

“Parker,” Harry Osborn, chimed. “What’s up, my guy?”

“Hey Harry,” Peter greeted. “I changed my mind, I do wanna go to that party tomorrow.”

To say you were a mess was an understatement.

You didn’t seem it though. You were working with Nika on the list of foundations and non-profit organizations that would be attending the charity gala that you were hosting in a month. You’re first act of Philanthropy would be donating at least one billion dollars each year to different organizations and you wanted it to be a well-rounded event but you were distracted by the recent ones that happened.

Nika could tell.

“(Y/N),” she said, folding her hands in her lap. “Are you okay? Did that Avenger boy do something to you?”

“Huh? What? No,” You replied a little defensively. “He’s harmless.”

“Then why do you seem so upset?” She asked with concern in her tone. “You were fine earlier.”

You sighed and rubbed your temples with your fingers gently as you closed your eyes. “Migraine,” you responded, only giving part of the problem.

She sighed knowing that you weren’t telling her everything. “I’m going to talk to you as a friend.”

You looked at the redhead expectantly.

“You haven’t had much of a life since…well…since I first met you four years ago.”

You met Nika Eyrewolfe, back in the recovery center. She was in for substance abuse herself. Since then you guys have been great friends and been a good support for each other. When you found out that she had no place to call home or anything to her name, you got her a job at Stark Industries before she was promoted to your assistant. She’s done nothing but a great job at it. She has been with you most days since you became CEO. So to say the girl knew your life and schedule like her life depended on it was an understatement.

“You’ve worked yourself so much that your headaches are getting worse and worse,” she continued. “The only person you hang out with is Morgan, who’s ten years old. You haven’t made time for Celina, Ned, and MJ in forever. But you had time to get Avenger Boy.”

“He has a name,” You retorted. “Peter. Peter Parker.”

“That’s nice,” Nika replied sarcastically. “And who is Peter Parker to you exactly?”

That’s the problem. I don’t know, you thought.

All you know is that he was the cutest guy you have ever seen in your entire life. His brown curls were soft and silky on his head. His eyes looked tired but they were soft and kind. He had boyish features that only added to his softness. And his smile. God, that smile. It lit up his whole face. His black tee shirt hugged his muscles nicely, and his dark denim jeans hugged his thighs and legs in just the right way. You had to catch yourself from staring at him too long before it got really weird.

You stayed silent and leaned your head on the back of your chair.

“Exactly,” Nika stated. “Nothing. So, you should make time for your friends. I’ll clear your calendar this weekend.”

The thing was that Peter wasn’t “nothing” to you, he was definitely a big something. You were at least eighty percent sure he was the faceless boy from your dreams. And when he touched you…? You couldn’t ignore that no matter how much you tried. The way his hand was so heartbreakingly gentle on your skin as all your worries faded away for a small moment before the splitting headache came again. It’s not like you could tell Nika any of this.

But she was right about one thing. It had been a while since you hung out with your friends. You kept in touch with them in the group chat, but it wasn’t the same as seeing them.

“Okay,” you gave her a small smile. “Thank you, Nika. What would I be without you?”

“I dunno, probably insane.”

You snorted in response.

Maybe it would be good for you to step away from everything for a little bit. Especially with how crazy your day was. You especially wanted to pretend this day never happened, crawl into the void, and scream until your voice was gone. You deserved to relax for a moment and maybe next time you make the impulsive decision to climb into the window of someone you think you know but you don’t…

You won’t.

tags: @riordanness @chrisevans-realwife @peterdarlingg

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icedmatchatae · 1 year

Text

Glimpse of Us | KTH Chapter VIII: Please Don’t Break It

Pairing: Problematic Idol Taehyung x Grad Student Reader

Genre: Idol AU, Ex-Childhood Best Friends into—, Angst (Hello, welcome to my angst central), Fluff (mainly in the flashbacks), Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

Summary: BTS’s V has been living a lavished and successful lifestyle, but underneath all of that, Kim Taehyung is far from the perfect image the media and fans made him out to be. All he wants is to relive the feelings of happiness and purpose in his life, but how can he when he left behind those memories years ago? The same memories, he hopes to see a glimpse of.

Warning: Angst (but what’s new), mentions of incompetency, scenes of therapy, mentions of past substance use (alcoholism, drugs), brief mentions of withdrawals, alcohol consumption, intoxication, aggressive behavior, violence/fights, mentions of murder (no one gets killed) descriptions of panic attacks, vomiting, crying, [Disclaimer—how panic attacks occur varies by the individual. I for one have experienced panic attacks and used some of the methods described. It may not work for everyone but it worked for me and how to cope]

Word Count: 12.6k

Chapter VIII: Please Don’t Break It || Series Masterlist

After the school bell rang, second-year middle schooler Taehyung exited the classroom with his three other classmates. They were talking in-depth about the new volume of One Piece that came out recently. As they were doing so, a flyer plastered on the school’s bulletin board caught his eye.

Geochang Middle School’s Annual Talent Show.

Taehyung remembered last year’s and it was absolutely remarkable. The singing, dancing, the tricks, students performed. He was impressed yet slightly envious of their confidence. He wished to sign up, but he was actually shy about his abilities. He has been practicing the saxophone, but he didn’t think he was all that skilled yet. He can dance?? It was a trial and error, but he didn’t look weird doing it.

But the thing he loved doing the most was singing. He loved it and learning how to sing songs and melodies. Although he never really performed in front of others before, well, except you and his family.

“Hey, Tae! Your girlfriend is coming.” One of his classmates tapped his shoulder for his attention. The other two snickered in the back, making him roll his eyes at their playful teasing.

“Not my girlfriend.” Taehyung corrected as always before turning his head and smiling to see your bright one.

It was your first year in middle school and was so excited when you got into the same school as your best friend. Though you weren’t in the same classes, you were still able to have lunch with him and walk to and from school with him. With your stuffed backpack carried over your shoulders, your uniform bounced in the air as you eagerly walked towards him.

“Whatever you say!” His classmate scoffed before the three of them went their separate ways. Taehyung waited for you as you headed down the hallway.

Once you reached him, he pulled you into a big hug and shook your body happily in his arms. “You think you did well with the quiz after lunch?”

As you parted away, you nodded proudly with your shoulders high. “It was surprisingly easy. Algebra equations weren’t as bad as I thought.”

“Only you would say that because you love math so much.” Taehyung retorted before his eyes diverted back to the board. “Hey, Blue.” He then pointed at the flyer. “What do you think about the talent show?”

Your eyes followed his pointing and hummed in thought, “I haven’t seen it, but it sounds like fun. Of course, I could never do that.”

Taehyung chuckled softly at your evident shyness from the spotlight. His curled lips progressively sunk as the nerves got to him by the thought. “W-What if I…signed up?”

Your head pivoted at him as your irises gleamed with glee. “If you signed up, you’re gonna be amazing, Hyungie! You have so many talents!”

A tint of pink powdered across his cheeks and nose from your compliment. “Stop, you’re just lying.”

You gasped dramatically before slapping his arm, “I can’t believe you think I’d stoop that low. I would never lie! I’m always honest with you.” You pouted childishly as you crossed your arms over your chest.

Taehyung cooed at your fond expression, wrapping his arms around you once more. “Of course, my Blue. Forgive me!” You shook your head before getting away from him. He quickly followed behind and caught up.

The two of you walked out of the campus and headed down the pathway toward your houses. There was a moment of silence before you spoke up about the talent show. “So…are you gonna sign up?”

He sighed as he stared up into the clear sky. “I’m not sure, like what if I’m not good enough?”

“If I’m not mistaken, it’s a middle school talent show where anyone could sign up for anything.”

“Wow, you say it so rashly.” He laughed, throwing his head back. “I don’t wanna make a fool out of myself. Middle schoolers are mean!”

“You’re not gonna make a fool out of yourself.” You reassured, holding the straps of your backpack. You pulled on it, so it’ll lift higher. “Because you have talents. Singing, dancing, playing an instrument…”

“Rapping?”

“No.”

“How can you be so cruel??” He shouted, his prepubescent ego shattering at your comment.

“I told you I’m always honest with you!” You giggled mischievously but spotted him pouting like a puppy. “Hyungie, I’m serious though. If you sign up, it’s gonna be a decision you won’t regret.”

“Really?” He asked, still having doubt.

“Of course, because if you won’t, you’ll keep thinking about it and wondering what if.” You linked arms with him as you leaned into his body. “If you do, I’ll support you every step of the way, okay?”

You sure knew how to make him feel better. Like how you needed reassurance, he needed some cheering on too. He looked down at you with a sad smile on, “You know how nervous I get, Blue.”

You nodded empathically, then squished your cheek towards his arm. “As I said, I’ll be the one to support you every step of the way.”

“So from all of this, how do you feel about her back in your life?” Dr. Im looked at Taehyung sitting across on the couch as practice and routine. In the idol’s opinion, the past sessions have been dreadful. Dr. Im said nothing negative regarding his client, but through his therapist’s non-verbal responses, it was best to say he even agreed.

Taehyung was aware he was at fault. He hasn’t been honest with him, despite certain sessions’ moods consisting of feeling good and better. Though the idol first entered into therapy to “get better,” his goal remained undetermined. Dr. Im tried very hard to cooperate with his stubborn client. He got him talking about happiness in previous sessions, but even that had gotten static.

Taehyung didn’t know why he was so hesitant into telling Dr. Im about his life. Before their meeting, the company provided a file for the professional so he knew everything about him including his alcohol and drug use, minor fights and under-the-table conflict, and even his…episodes that only his close-knit circle knew about.

Dr. Im reminded him again that these sessions would lack if nothing was spoken. He was brutally honest when he spoke that though progress wasn’t linear, actions and words had to be made to see progress. He was there to help by all means within the time frame. Because they both knew that Taehyung wanted to feel better, be better. Yet the term was used so often that it felt futile.

Though he was worried, Taehyung eventually opened up about something. He explained how unsatisfying life has been, including the struggles of feeling happy. But one good thing that has happened recently for the last months was reuniting with you. He described your childhood friendship, how close-knit you were with him and even his family, the fights and distance that happened leading up to the falling out, the reunion, the start, and potentially the beginning of the end once again.

It was the way Taehyung rambled about you for such a long time that there were only ten minutes left in the session. Though Dr. Im enjoyed every minute of how willing the idol talked, he needed to get out some answers to all of this.

“So how are you with her now?” His therapist asked.

The idol frowned at the recent memory. It has been two weeks since you’ve last spoken to him or since he last saw you. When it reached the one-week mark, he have had enough and tried to go to the restaurant to see you. But for some reason, Jungkook convinced him that you didn’t want to see him. Why? The answer was through Jungkook’s phone. You texted him saying he was forbidden to see you.

Everything he experienced about that felt so wrong to him that it stabbed him in the chest. The distance between you two seemed to grow as days went on. He missed you and wanted to talk to you. He didn’t like how close you were being to his member, nor did he like how you text Jungkook instead of him. The youngest even texted you right in front of him with a fucking smile too.

You were his best friend. Not fucking Jeon Jungkook.

Nevertheless, Taehyung grinned appreciatively as he reminisced about his time with you those weeks before. “It’s nice, I love it, a lot…” His responses were curt but genuine. “I, uh, she was actually part of my memories when I was happy. She was a big part of my life and helped me through a lot. I guess you can say, I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for her.”

“Which is…”

The idol squinted his eyes as he dived into the question. “Well, being an idol. To tell you the truth, I used to get quite nervous in front of crowds or people in general. In earlier times, performances used to trigger…my episodes.” His face grimaced at the worrisome experiences, especially the ones when you weren’t there. “She was there to help me, and also encouraged me to sign up and audition.”

“What I’m hearing is how appreciative are you of her?” His therapist smiled empathetically, making Taehyung nod. “I’ve noticed from the way you talked, you must really care for her too despite the years away. She is very important to you.”

“I’ll always care for her,” Taehyung confirmed pridefully with no arrogance slipping out. “Even when I accidentally become a dick sometimes.”

“And why do you think that?”

Chewing on his lips, Taehyung looked at the man as if he caught something that wasn’t supposed to show. He could lie to his therapist, but what good does it do for him? He was spending his money on this anyway. Either way, Dr. Im was wise and has been in the game for decades. A problematic idol wasn’t going to outsmart him because he’ll eventually find out about it.

So he gave up his internal battle and sighed. “I guess because I’m selfish.” And before Dr. Im could say what the meaning behind it was, Taehyung continued. “Since my life was in shambles and was in the dark for so long, I wanted a little bit of control in my life.”

“Care to explain? I remembered you talking about being an idol and the exposure to the world.”

Today was shockingly growth between him and his therapist. Taehyung was willing to let most of his vulnerability flow out in hopes to find at least one other person who understood his thoughts and feelings without shaming him for what he has been doing. “And to be honest, I feel like I haven’t made progress. It’s been the same bullshit every day for the past year and…I don’t know. I don’t feel good at all.“

“You’ve been going through a lot, especially recently.” Dr. Im responded as he scribbled down more notes on his clipboard. Once he was done, he placed his pen and clipboard on his lap to look over at his client. “I know you may think and say that you haven’t done much, but from seeing you when you first came to now, I’d say you’ve changed.”

Snorting in disbelief, Taehyung rolled his eyes as he leaned back into his seat. “Stop lying, sir.”

“As someone in this field of work, it is unethical to lie. Well, when was the last time you used or took substances? Recklessly drunk? Been into fights? Or even have your panic attacks?” His therapist listed meaningfully as he observed the idol.

Pursing his eyebrows together, Taehyung pondered on the thoughts. Sure, he has gotten drunk and had minor episodes but it wasn’t to an extent compared to last year. Jesus Christ, last year was a whole mess. Taehyung was going through scandals back to back and HYBE had to cover it up because most of them were true.

Substances…he promised Namjoon and Jimin that he’d stop for the sake of the group, but he took it hard with his withdrawals. Screaming, hitting, throwing things around, and being tackled by a member or his friends. One of the only coping mechanisms was drinking or fighting with the members, and even that still wasn’t good.

Taehyung merely shrugged, “I still drink but less, I guess. I don’t know about the rest…probably a while. I was forced to stop when I came here. The…substances that is.”

“That’s amazing, Taehyung. You’ve pushed through that very well.” Dr. Im praised and nodded. “There have been improvements. You just haven’t been entirely aware of them with everything else that’s going on.”

“You think?” The idol asked softly. He always had this concern. His life never felt any better—apart from you—to fully accept how much he overcame in the past year. There were still more problems, but fewer than before.

“Of course, I’ve kept track and listed down all we discussed and the concerns that were brought up from the first time.” Dr. Im explained. “I commend you with your strength.”

“But what if I fuck up? Won't disappointment come my way?”

“Having those negative emotions will not benefit the situation, whether it’s internal or external. The hars truth would still be that you messed up, but there’s always time to get back up. Relapsing happens, but it's not the end. It may take longer but have patience with yourself.”

Taehyung didn’t realize that a tear ran down his cheek until he hiccuped a sob. But it wasn’t by the comment. It was the realization that Dr. Im was the only person who understood him being like this—a fucked-up unhappy person. Someone who won't blame him or scold him around.

But still, the hard-hitting question lingered in his mind. With or without all the problems he had, why was the feeling still there? “But even with all of that, then why am I still unhappy?”

You were wiping down tables while Kenji took a nap behind the cash register. You glanced at him before shaking your head in disappointment as always. He was lucky that it wasn’t busy today, it was practically empty. Then again, rush hour for lunch was over so all that was left was to wait until dinner time.

You heard rummaging through the tarp before looking up to find Jungkook and Jimin smiling and waving at you. “___! Hi!” Jungkook greeted you before coming towards your frame for an unexpected hug.

You flinched at the touch before carefully hugging him back. “H-hi?” You lightly pushed away from him despite his strong grip. You waved at Jimin with a friendly smile. “W-what are you two doing here?” You were kind of shocked to see them. It wasn’t a bad thing because they’d been here before, but those times, they would be with Taehyung.

You haven’t spoken to or seen Taehyung since the somewhat incident. You weren’t angry at him, but the behavior still bummed you out. You were still undecided about how to think about it, but it didn’t mean you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Ugh, you regretted those words out of your mouth. It didn’t even help that you even texted Jungkook you didn’t want to see Taehyung at all the day after.

Wow, you were dramatic and exaggerated everything. Can’t really blame yourself because of all the trauma and hardship that you’ve experienced.

You wanted to see Taehyung again, and knowing how stubborn he was, you expected him to come and disregard your insult at most a week, the earliest being the following day. But now it has been two weeks, and you were rethinking your actions. Though it was to protect yourself, you were still so hard on him. Every frown, sad twist on his face, the deflating in his shoulder, it killed you.

You always hated seeing him like that, even when you were younger. If Taehyung hated seeing you cry, then you despised seeing him sad or scared. He was never good on his own with things like that, so you wondered how he held up all those years.

These months reuniting with him were flourishing. When you were able to push the tension to the side, you’ve seen a new light of this Taehyung. More mature, more charismatic, and more confident in himself, which made you very proud to see knowing his struggle.

But after reflecting and being honest with yourself, you truly saw your Taehyung in him. Still playful, still has a shit ton of friends, still caring, still affectionate, still thoughtful, you’ve seen him all the time.

You just weren’t fully trusting of him to even accept it. You were scared, but you had every reason to be. You knew the effort he made while you gave very little. Maybe he too had his reasons for the mishap. You shouldn’t think of him so lowly, he was trying his best while you weren’t. You felt guilty about what you’ve done and now suffered the consequences.

You dearly wanted his friendship, whether you liked it or not.

You did miss him within the weeks that passed. Maybe it was your turn to approach him.

“Jimin Hyung actually just came back from a trip to America.” Jungkook stretched a smile at you. “That means to eat your heart out with homeland food.”

You chuckled at him as you threw the used cloth into the bucket behind the cashier, though you purposefully missed so it hits Kenji hard enough to wake him up. He startled awake and groaned when he smelled the dirtied fabric on his face. He threw it rightfully into the bucket before standing up and glaring at your calm state. It happened before, but it always got to him like it was the first time.

“So I’m assuming you both are here for dinner? It’s pretty early for that, but doesn’t matter.” You quipped as you pulled out two menus for them.

“Actually, no.” Jimin shook his head, which made you confused. “We wanted to invite you out…for dinner.”

“Uhh, what?”

“Please, it’ll mean so much for us if you could come.” Jungkook came forth to you and grabbed your hand with both of his. Gently squeezing it when you tensed up, you seemed to relax right after. “It’ll be fun! We have to go to our company building really quickly, but we’ll eat!”

Though their invitation remained harmless, you couldn’t help but be hesitant of them and their doings. For starters, you were working and it was a weekday. You were sure you explicitly mentioned that you worked every day of the week except weekends. Though Jungkook and Jimin were kind, you don’t know much about them. Yes, you texted Jungkook from time to time but he’d usually initiate it and if you hung out with them, Taehyung would be in the picture.

“Umm, just us?” You asked. When you felt another pair of eyes on you, you glanced to the side to find Kenji staring entertainingly.

“Well, Hobi Hyung and Namjoonie Hyung will come too! That’s why we have to go back to the company.” Jimin responded enthusiastically. “Everyone else has a schedule or other prior engagements—”

“Then I remembered you, and we haven’t hung out in a while!” Jungkook interjected impatiently, squeezing your hand again for encouragement. “Please, please, please, come!”

Now there was too much hand-in-hand contact with this man. You pulled your hand away from him but lightly laughed it off to avoid any awkwardness. You waved him off and shook your head. “Thank you for the offer, but as you can see I’m w—”

“___ can go!” Kenji shouted out of the blue. He sped towards you before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into him. You huffed at the unexpected contact with your smiling coworker before scowling up. “We aren’t as busy today actually, so we don’t need two workers here. I’m the boss so…”

“Excuse me, you are definitely not—”

“Give yourself a break from time to time, ___.” Your coworker suggested. “The last time you did so was when you were in the hospital, which shouldn’t really be the only time to take a break.”

“Kenji!”

“Halmeoni will understand and will be happy for you!” Kenji wasn’t taking no for an answer. You thinned your lips into a line before pushing him away.

“Just because you’re their grandson doesn’t give you special privileges!”

“Uhh, it absolutely does.” He scoffed, enjoying your angered state. Well, not only him. The two idols were quite fond of your reaction. “Just go, ___. Plus you need to eat.”

“I’m not a child. I can remember things like that by myself.” You rolled your eyes before crossing your hands over your chest.

“So you’ll come?” Jimin’s eyes lit up with hope. “The Hyungs don’t mind at all! I even texted them.”

Having dinner with four highly-acclaimed and handsome idols all by yourself? The offer was very intriguing, to say the least. “But wor—”

“___, Halmeoni would get mad if she saw you here and not me because she knows how much you work for your gra—”

You smacked your palm over Kenji’s mouth while you glared deadly into his pupils. You didn’t want them to know your business, despite telling your only coworker and perhaps friend—you don’t even really hang out with him outside of work—in confidence. With your eyes piercing holes into his brain, he quickly shut his mouth. “Don’t speak of it if you want those to be your last words.” He nodded, agreeing in a heartbeat before you released him.

Your coworker gasped exaggeratedly, getting a nasty shiver from you. “But ___ can go. I don’t mind working the whole dinner rush and closing up alone.”

“I don’t even have money to spend!”

“We invited you! It’s our treat!!” Jimin announced with a very lovely smile.

You sighed, still contemplating. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure! Go have fun.” Kenji reassured.

“If you text help, I’ll drop everything to come back, okay?” You told him, making sure that he was free to ask you.

Kenji shook his head, knowing how much you liked to help but never wanted it back. “Yeah, I will.”

You turned your head to spot Jungkook and Jimin being all giddy. They couldn’t believe they got you out of work so easily. They were mentally high-fiving and slapping each other’s shoulders. “Yeah, I’ll come but will it be okay? I know you’re idols and privacy and all that stuff.”

“Not to worry about that.” Jimin shooed that idea off. “Let’s go!”

You took your apron off and hung it back on the hooks. You barely grabbed your bag when Jungkook reached for your hand and tugged you to follow him out. Your irises looked back at a waving Kenji as he watched you three leave.

This was going to be an interesting experience. Maybe it’ll be good. Help you put yourself out there again after years of keeping to yourself. That was what you and Taehyung wanted after all.

Though you left, you didn’t realize that you forgot your phone inside your apron pocket.

Taehyung mindlessly stared into the lit TV screen with a random drama playing. The cascading sun began settling down for the day through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Yeontan rested on his lap while the idol stroked his coat. Not bothering to pay attention to his surroundings, he was deep into his thoughts which all resorted back to you.

He wondered how you were, probably working right now since it was close to dinner time. But he wanted to know if you were okay, with school, with work, with everyone going on right now. He understood that you practically banished him and tried to respect your wishes, but the selfish devil on his shoulder told him to fuck that and run back to you. But he reminded himself of what his therapist told him a couple of days back.

“Though it’s great for you to have her back in your life, you can’t force her to do things that you want and she doesn’t.” Dr. Im informed carefully.

“That’s not fair!” The idol whined. “I know she does, she’s just so hesitant with me after all that I did.”

“Well, think about it this way—if someone made you do things you didn’t want but they did, how would you feel? Both sides have to consent, right?”

Taehyung kept silent, knowing the right and moral answer to it. But he knew you were different. Your friendship was different compared to anyone. Simply accepting defeat and parting away from either side was wrong and cruel, making that a bad best friend in the eyes of Hyungie and Blue.

If there was one trait you and Taehyung’s relationship was always strong about was stubbornness and adamance. Your friendship stood long because neither side wouldn’t give up on the other, even if communication lacked at some points. You’d bother and irritate (mainly Taehyung) but also protect and care for one another by all means. Because you knew what was best for each other, whether you liked it or not.

If anything, he knew more about you than you did yourself and vice versa.

“Honey, I’ll be back!” The high-pitched voice sent shivers down his spine. She seemed too giddy for his liking right now. Scowling a bit before relaxing an emotionless expression, he shifted his attention towards his dolled-up girlfriend. He was about to ask where she was going, but remembered she had dinner plans with friends she hasn’t seen in a while.

“Have fun. Hope you black out for me.” He piped, but his demeanor remained.

Clara rolled her eyes, then laughed. “Will you be home alone? You haven’t been out with anyone.”

Ahh, there it was. Yes, what she said was true. After making up with her, Taehyung stayed home all day or at the company building. He hasn’t seen you, Seojoon, or any of his members despite texting. There were no in-betweens, making the growing feeling inside eat him alive.

Life sucked, but hey, his girlfriend wasn’t biting into his ass. The past two weeks Clara was soooo lovey-dovey, sweet, and happy seeing him always in the house. She would ask him if he was going out or not but knew the default answer which she would get all excited over. She spent so much more time with him in that time frame than this past year.

But Taehyung was going mental. Actually, that was the reason why he remembered where she was going because it was finally away from him.

“I’ll be fine.” He hummed, trying to go back to focusing on the TV before him, or whatever he was doing.

“I’ll miss you.” She cooed as she skipped towards the couch. From behind, she bent down to kiss him on the cheek. He scrunched his nose, keeping his hands on his sleeping dog. “Bye, I love you!”

“Me too.” He muttered. Once Clara left and closed the front door, Taehyung realized he held his breath. He felt suffocated, it wasn’t good. Like a time bomb ticking waiting to be detonated any minute, he seemed a bit more alleviated now that he was in the house alone for the night.

Yet he didn’t want to turn into that woman from the Yellow Wallpaper Namjoon talked about before. Maybe it was time to get out. He needed it, but most importantly, perhaps he needed to go to the restaurant to make up with you. He had to. It didn’t sit well with him knowing that you were away from him. He just needed some good right now and if it doesn’t happen, he’d crack.

He turned his head slightly to spot the peace lily plant he had bought for you sitting on the coffee table. It has been sitting there since that night. He took care of it in the meantime, searching online on how to maintain it.

He hoped you understood and forgave him. He didn’t comprehend why he tried to kiss you, but he’ll do anything to get you back.

“Jesus Christ, this place is top-notch.” You muttered under your breath when you observed Jimin scan his face to make the elevator function. Jungkook heard your comment, making him giggle beside you. Jimin pressed a floor button before it began to move.

“Our safety is important, especially when visitors come regularly,” Jungkook explained. “That’s why there’s security everywhere.”

“Yes, but it didn’t help that they accused me of being a sasaeng when you both were on my sides smiling.” You mentioned the unfortunate mishap. You stood there embarrassingly without any knowledge while Jimin had to report to them you were a friend. But you weren’t on their friend list, so you needed to make a pass and fingerprint scan. It took longer than anticipated, so you were slightly uncomfortable.

“Sorry about that.” Jimin blew a chuckle out of his nostrils. “Precautions, that’s all.” You hummed in response, patiently waiting for your floor.

Once you were on the fifteen floor, your trio walked out of the lift. You followed them down a hallway where you reached a spacious lounging area. It shouted out rich and expensive because the couches were built into the floors. Table tennis in the corner, unlimited stocks of water, juice, and other endorsements HYBE groups had, but what fascinated you was the spread of plants surrounding the room.

It looked like the nursery you and Taehyung went to, but of course, the plants were for aesthetics than grabs. You were in awe, scanning through them while Jimin spoke up.

“I texted the hyungs but they aren’t answering, so I’ll bother them. Be right back.” Jimin announced before separating and going down another hallway, leaving only you and Jungkook here.

While you were preoccupied staring at the greenery, Jungkook stared at you nervously. There was something he wanted to ask you but didn’t know how to or when would be the appropriate time especially since it was difficult to hang out with you. The maknae was confident in himself, but yet he was still shy at heart. But this was probably the only time he had a moment alone with you.

“___?” He called your name. Turning your attention to the youngest member of the group, your eyes grew wide in acknowledgment. “C-Can I ask you something? I promise it won’t take long.”

“Sure.” You agreed while keeping a wondering yet polite look.

“I know we only text and we don’t usually hang out but…” Jungkook began. He paused to bite his lower lip to calm himself before gazing his doe eyes onto yours. “I was wondering if we could like…go out together…alone…like a date?”

The sudden confession made you blush red like a tomato with eyes blinking rapidly to wake yourself up in case it was just a dream. But it wasn’t. Jungkook asked you out with confidence and genuineness.

You knew he had a crush on you, but you assumed it was nothing more. Kind of like his crush on IU, it was there but there was no action. Then again, you weren’t an idol. You didn’t even look like IU or even up to par with her visuals…why did he even like you?

“Why?” You wondered aloud.

Your one-word questioning shocked him yet amused him with your furrowed eyebrows and puffed pout. “What do you mean why?”

Your eyes roamed around you to avoid his staring. “Like…why? I’m nowhere near your type!”

His lips twitched upwards. “How do you know if you’re not my type?”

“Well, even though Taehyung and I parted ways before you all debuted, I still kept up with news and music.” You responded, still not meeting his eyes. When he knew you were trying to avoid his stare, he grabbed your chin. Turning to face him, you finally meet his eye contact and cocked your brow. “I-I know I’m not your type. You said it was IU, or anyone will long hair and nice thighs or something. Sorry if I come a bit rude.”

“You’re not.” He smiled, shaking his head. “And that was my type, so who knows what my type is now?”

“You. You would know.”

Jungkook squinted his eyelids at you. A bit sassy, yet you come off so blunt like it was obvious. It reminded him of someone close. “Type can also be different from attraction. But regardless of type, I’m still asking you if you’d wanna hang out. I wanna get to know you.”

Though Jungkook was a good guy, a good person actually, it would be wrong to lead him on when you were not interested in him. He was handsome, sweet, and a bit silly, but it didn’t feel right with him. You knew it wasn’t a good sign to affiliate with him or any of the other members personally.

“Jungkook, thank you for the offer but—”

“Fuck, I knew this was gonna happen.” Jungkook groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose in despair, already thinking the worst.

“No, no, hear me out.” You tried your best to give the benefit of the doubt. “I-I just want to focus on my studies right now. Graduate school is a pain for a simpleton like me. Adding onto work, it’s a lot.”

“You’re not a simpleton…” He spoke softly.

You grinned sympathetically. “Either way, I don’t really want to lead you on if I’m not putting all my effort into it. I hope you understand.” It made sense, though there was more to your reasoning than what was said. But he didn’t need to know that.

Jungkook sighed, “Fortunately, and unfortunately, I do. I should have known better than to ask you since you are Taehyung Hyung’s best friend like you’re…” He scanned around cautiously to see if anyone was around. “The..B word.”

You were taken aback, so much questioning running through your mind. First of all—“The B word? You’re not thinking bitch, right?”

His pupils dilated, waving his hands in denial. “No, definitely not that! I meant your nickname!”

“Nickname?”

“Blue!” He yelled but then slapped a hand over his mouth. He acted like he said a cursed word that brought a demon around us. Still confused, you tried expressing your concern but the man beat you to it. “Sorry, we’re not supposed to call you that, that’s why.”

“It’s not some forbidden word though…” You weren’t offended, but his high alert left you baffled. Taehyung was the only one who ever called you that. Not once did anyone else tag along with it, or at least followed through. You remembered that his younger siblings tried calling you Blue and he was not happy about it.

The nickname held much meaning to you and was kept deep into your heart, even with the hurtful memories that came with it. You haven’t heard the name in a while, so your heart longed for it, yet didn’t like it, especially when it came out of the mouth of someone else. But again, Jungkook didn’t need to know that.

“Hyung gets angry with it.” Jungkook chuckled nervously, easing the awkward tension he created.

“Relax though. It’s not harmful.” You tried calming him down. He nodded and stood quietly, but you still had more questions you wanted to ask. Your heart slowly grew anxious. “But what do you mean you knew better? What does me being Taehyung’s best friend have to do with that? But also I must remind you that we aren’t be—”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, but it’s okay. I still want to get to know you better. I wanna be your friend at least!” The youngest member shrugged, shifting the topic.

He just blew you off like that, but it was whatever. A weird conversation…but you too wanted it to be over.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You agreed slowly. Jungkook gave you two thumbs up and a loving bunny smile. You then heard a group of footsteps progressively getting louder, so you turned your head to see Jimin, Namjoon, and Hoseok coming back. You praised the heavens after that.

So much going on, very little knowledge…

“What do you mean she’s not here?” Taehyung questioned a sitting Kenji who was finished with his remaining customers leaving. The restaurant was still open, but no one but the idol was there for dinner.

Halmeoni then came out from the kitchen and noticed the handsome idol right away. “Oh, Taehyung! You’re back. How are you?”

He looked at the elderly woman and forced a smile and bow at her. “Hello, Halmeoni. I-I’m fine, but Kenji said ___ isn’t here.”

She hummed in response, “Yeah, she’s not here! Kenji convinced her to take the night off. She needed it.”

“Do you know where she is? Is she at home?”

“She’s actually having dinner…with some guys,” Kenji smirked playfully because he saw Taehyung’s eyes bulged out and jaw unhinged.

“What?” The idol yelled a little too loud, making the younger man giggle.

“Finally, she’s hanging out with people!” Halmeoni cheered.

Knowing how much stress and concern the idol was in, Kenji decided to alleviate it. “Relax, it’s your bandmates.” He informed explicitly to get it into Taehyung’s head. “Jungkook Hyung and Jimin Hyung came to visit and asked her out for dinner. Taehyung nodded, also recalling that Jimin was also back from his trip. “Seems like you weren’t invited if you didn’t know?” That brought a scowl towards the younger man, but he couldn’t care less as he kept a smile on his face.

His expression relaxed as the words sunk in. Though it probably was a simple and casual dinner, Taehyung felt insulted and sad. You’ve been away from him for a while and said that you never wanted to see him again. Yet Jungkook and Jimin had the privilege of hanging out with you.

He was hurt, not at you. The entire situation. He hated where everything was going and what changes are happening. It wasn’t fair for him and his feelings. But this was all his fault, right? His doings led to this, so he had to deal with it, right?

He hated it, he hated himself even more. Nothing really was going his way and he had to suck it up so he couldn’t be selfish? Let others be happy and enjoy one another while he sulked and self-deprecated alone by himself. So much for improvement, right Dr. Im?

With that being said, he bolted out of the restaurant in a scurry, leaving Halmeoni and Kenji baffled and wondering what just happened. Now he needed to get away. He wanted to be alone right now. There were so many things that he couldn’t do and have. Well, enough was enough.

He needed an escape fast.

“Cheers!” The sounds of the glass filled clashing together echoed through the private dining room. You smiled and nodded as the boys cheered rowdily at the simple gesture. All of you then took a gulp or sip of the foamed beer that caused you to make a repulsive face with your nose scrunched.

“Don’t like beer?” Sitting next to you, Jimin laughed as he saw your expression.

“Uhh, yeah but it’s fine.” You smiled through the gross bitter aftertaste. “Don’t really like drinking as much.”

“But when you do, what kind do you like? We can order some.” Namjoon, who sat on the other side of you, asked with a friendly dimpled smile.

“I usually just go for wine or any flavored soju. Soda is nice too.” You answered while forcing yourself to drink the beer, making a soured face.

Hoseok, who sat across from you, laughed as he pulled the drink away from you. You grew big-eyed like someone stole your candy. You reminded him of someone and it was so adorable. “You don’t need to force yourself. We’ll get you those.” You muttered a thank you. Before you could even put a vegetable in your mouth, Hoseok wondered, “So how are you? We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh, I’m fine, thank you. Just work and school has been my life right now.” You quickly threw slices of pork belly into your mouth and chewed while thinking of anything else to say. “I’m not doing anything big like you all.”

“___, please. Though our lives are different from yours, we still equate and emphasize the importance of what and why others do.” Namjoon argued as he watched you eat. You stuffed your face and pouted when you did so. It looked so familiar…

“Well, yes. I agree with you.” You shrugged, gulping down the food. “But really, life is…alright.” You hoped they won’t ask because it would be an opening of a dam you didn’t want to let out.

“Feel free to hit us up though!” Hoseok offered, making you relax. “We loved spending time with you at the party! I especially love meeting and getting to know new people.”

“O-Oh, thank you. Just me?” You chuckled politely. You also couldn’t help but be in an intimate atmosphere with your bias.

“Yeah? And the other members too if they want. We all like you.” Jungkook mentioned as he kept grabbing more food off the plates.

Okay, you weren’t expecting this at all. Usually, especially with friends of Taehyung, would only put up with you because of him. They wanted him, not you but you were a package deal. So it was surprising to know they wanted to be friends with you. Perhaps this was what Taehyung meant when they were different than his past “friends.”

“Thank you.” You thanked them, smiling shyly and looking down at the dishes of food.

“You don’t have to be so formal with us.” Jimin giggled as he poured the bottle of wine given in a new glass for you. “You’re acting like it’s your first time making friends.”

“Technically, yes. I’m practically a loner.” You pursed your lips as you looked up to meet all their perplexed yet concerned stares. Obviously, it was true but you made it into a joke, but they didn’t know so you shook your head. “I mean yes, that’s true. But…it’s fine.” You laughed awkwardly, but they continued their gazes, causing you to stop. “I don’t really have many friends.”

“Like…at all?”

You pondered on the thought, trying your best to think of some people. “I guess, there’s my coworker. But we just talk at work most of the time. Oh, and his grandparents!”

“H-How about in Geochang?” Hoseok inquired with a smile. “Taehyungie said he had a lot of friends there! Since you were his best friend, we assumed that they were yours too!”

“They were still his friends. I only was there for Taehyung when he would spend time with them. For the most part, those friends didn’t want me there.” You responded. “His sister was my age. She was my friend, but I barely contacted her after her family moved out. All of them actually…”

Okay, maybe you made this dinner more depressing than it should have, judging by their empathetic faces. Your eyes bounced off of them as you let out a laugh. “I mean now you’re all my friends, right? It doesn’t matter anymore.” You balled your hands in fists and waved them in the air, getting all excited out of nowhere.

Assuming what you were trying to do, Namjoon joined in your laughter to die down the awkwardness. “Yes, we’re friends. Don’t worry, we want to spend time with you too, whether Taehyung’s here or not.”

“Hyung’s right!” Jungkook agreed. “We should be able to hang out with you, even call or text.”

“I guess so, sure.” You said. “Again, I work and go to school. It’s my priority. I’m here in Seoul for that reason.”

“Of course, we respect it.” Jimin nodded reassuringly. “But don’t exert yourself too much. Wouldn’t want to repeat the hospital thing Taehyung told us about?”

With the mention of his name, you were curious if they knew how he was. But you refrained from doing so. For some reason, you didn’t want to ask them. They probably would have meant well, but your gut feeling begged to differ. After all, this was your first time alone with them so you simply nodded. Maybe one day you’ll ask Taehyung about it.

“By the way, let’s get your phone number or username, whichever you prefer.” Hoseok pulled his phone out of his pants pocket.

You accepted and were about to get your phone out of your bag, only to notice it wasn’t there. You checked through the pockets and doubled into the bigger space, but came up empty-handed. You realized you must have left it back at work. “I forgot my phone at work. Can you please bring me back there?”

“Sure, but after dinner, of course,” Jungkook answered before placing meat wraps on your plate. You raised a brow at him, to which he winked cheekily. You scoffed before taking a bite of it.

“___, if you’re not busy on Saturday, I was hoping you could tag along with me to this trendy cafe. I was supposed to go with my sister, but she had a last-minute thing. They have this amazing mango dessert and iced Americano.” Hoseok invited, making you blush. You were experiencing too much with your favorite of the group, but you didn’t want to show how flustered you were.

“I’d love to actually. Weekends are my day offs.”

“Wait, I wanna come too!” Jungkook pouted, not giving up on getting closer to you. “You talked about the place before and it sounded good.”

You shrugged, not minding at all. “Sure, but I hope iced Americanos aren’t the only drinks they serve. I don’t like coffee.”

“They have a lot more drinks like this coconut refresh—” Hoseok couldn’t even finish his sentence when you grimaced at the words. But he merely laughed at your displease. “Not a big fan of coconut?”

“I get queasy from the smell and taste.” Just by imagining it, you swore you could smell the scent, giving you shivers down your spine.

“You’re so much like Taehyung…” Namjoon mumbled, but the rest of you heard him speak. Jimin asked him to reiterate what he said. “I said, you’re so much like Taehyung.”

You blinked at the leader as you straighten your back. You weren’t expecting that either. “Wh—How?”

“You make faces when you don’t like something, you don’t drink coffee, you shake your fists in the air like him, and you pout when you chew.” Namjoon listed his observations, which not only freaked you out but the others. “S-Sorry, I was just looking and thinking. I’m sorry if I disrespected you.”

You shook your head and waved him off. “No, you didn’t. Uhhh…I didn’t think people would notice enough.” After many years and some months reuniting with Taehyung, you realized how many of each other’s habits you took after even to this day. It wasn’t a bad thing but showed how much you influenced and impacted one another.

“I thought I was the only one…” Jimin chimed in as well. “You’ve been doing these small things, like him. Weird…”

“But it’s kinda cute.” Hoseok hummed. “Maybe a best friend thing?”

A soft grin appeared on your face, reflecting on what he said. You weren’t insulted, you didn’t deny, maybe he was right. Maybe Taehyung was still somehow your best friend. “Maybe.”

The clear liquor burned down his throat as he chugged the green bottle in one go. Once it was empty, he threw it to the side of him. The other finished bottles crashed together on the cold concrete ground in the corner of the alleyway.

Taehyung wiped off the excess leaking on the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes roamed around the dark cold night. Blurred blobs of people passed through his hazed vision. None bothered to take a glimpse of a drunken man sitting on trash and dirt. Not even the police were supposed to patrol the area because they didn’t bother to care enough for a place that was deemed sketchy, and probably illegal. Not their business at all.

At some point, the soju and cognac naturally became water to the idol and made him feel something the past two weeks couldn’t do. He cracked, going with the “alcohol can make it better” route he hasn’t done so for a while. He did contemplate his… other methods, but he couldn’t get it right away so this was probably the most convenient way.

He laughed to himself, in a pitied and disappointed way. If his past self saw him like this, the idol he “wanted to be,” he knew the younger him would want to punch present him in the throat for deciding to throw his life away. Because despite being one of the most renowned idols in the world, what the fuck was going on with him inside? He couldn’t help himself with all that was happening to him and the spotlight of V. In the morning, he read articles about death threats and dating scandals with another Blackpink member. Can reporters at least be creative with their fake news? He didn’t like the implied coverage of him running through the group.

He didn’t want to let it get to him, but as a human, it was hard not to. When things spread, it got frightening for him because he knew some of it wasn’t true. He couldn’t have issues that he could keep to himself. A handful of people always had to know, oftentimes before him too.

All these words made him feel discouraged and pressured but hid all his emotions and feelings away to not make anything worsen. Not let those online who read too much into his behavior speculate and spread rumors. But also not let those around him talk down upon him when he suppressed his happiness for theirs.

He fucking hated this. He was feeling too much and there was nothing he could do. He felt it all inside his chest, waiting for it to explode. He didn’t want to cry anymore, he did that within the first hour of drinking. He has been in the same spot for at least three hours. It was probably close to midnight but couldn’t give a single fuck.

He stared at his last unopened bottle, it was Yakult flavored. He never tried it before, only saw them on the shelves. But he couldn’t resist it because it somehow reminded him of you. You used to love Yakult, drinking it at least once a day. It was also because Taehyung gave you one every day to satisfy you.

The alcoholic taste was gone in his taste buds, so he assumed that it tasted like juice. Shrugging, he uncapped the bottle and lipped, gulping in a hefty amount in his mouth.

“Look at that man. Some worthless piece of shit.” Taehyung’s ears twitched at the voice. Turning his head to the sound, he spotted three men staring down at him in disgust. Examining the trio swaying and trying their best to keep still, they were tipsy. Despite being a famous individual, they don’t seem to realize it as their intoxicated minds overpowered their vision.

But Taehyung wasn’t about to ignore another stranger blatantly insulting him. Though with half of his mind only functioning, he lets more of his guard and restrains down. He became more reckless, and messier, and doesn’t give a fuck about consequences. His pride was the center of the cause and he was not about to let a low life say shit to him.

Using his palms, he pushed himself from the ground to stand tall. Well, unsteady but he supported himself with the building wall. He glared at the trio who seemed about the same size as him. At a glance, they looked much older but couldn’t see clearly with their bangs covering their eyes. “Dude, fuck off. You’re one to talk with your five-millimeter dick.” Taehyung slurred.

“The fuck did you say, you bastard?” The center, we’ll call him the leader, a person garbled back as he stepped forward.

“Say it to his face.” The one on the left acted all tough.

“I did. You’re just so stupid, you can’t understand anything any human being says.” The idol snapped back and then glanced over at the other one.

“Acting all brave when you’re a skinny guy.” The one on the right finally came up and slightly pushed Taehyung but he was able to keep his balance.

“Pft, acting all that when you can’t even reach the cupboards above.” Taehyung spat back before hiccuping. “Now leave me alone. I minded my own business and you three shitheads should too.”

“Fuck that, you’re gonna get down on your knees and apologize for what you fucking did.” The leader butted in, getting more riled up than before.

“I didn’t do shit. I’m not apologizing.” The idol shook his head.

“We’ll get it out of you.” The leader came forth and was about to punch Taehyung in the face. But Taehyung threw a jab on the leader’s cheek. The guy fell back on his butt on the ground, caressing his pained cheek. “Ahh, you fucker! You’re gonna get this!”

Then all of sudden, the other two helped his friend by attacking the lonesome idol. But little did they know, Taehyung has had experience with situations like this.

It was the day of the talent show and Taehyung was fearfully worried. He has been practicing day and night and right after school whilst dragging you along with him. You stayed up with him the night before to help him with pronunciation, support, and anything he needed.

This was his first time singing in front of an audience and you were so excited for him. You knew he was going to do well. He always had a beautiful singing voice. It was so worthy enough for him to be an artist, an idol, anything to do with his talent. But you also knew how nervous he was. You had to hold him and run your fingers through his hair last night to calm him down. You cheered him on, praised him, and gave him pep talks, but yet his unconscious thinking dragged him down.

An hour before the talent, his family did quick errands and bought flowers to congratulate Taehyung, leaving you alone with him at his house. You both were dressed up and ready. Him in black dress pants and an ivory buttoned-down shirt while you were in a sage-green dress. Your best friend wanted to do last-minute rehearsals before you left for school.

You clapped proudly as you sat on his bed, watching him finish the song at the end of it. You bounced off and flattened your skirt. “Hyungie, that was amazing. I’m so excited!”

“I felt like I was off-key at the end.” He frowned, criticizing his perfect practice. “Let me do it ag—”

“Taehyung, you did great. There’s no need to practice again. You’ve been practicing so much, you’re gonna hurt your vocal cords.”

“Blue, I know but—”

“No buts.” You squeezed his shoulder as a sign of comfort. “Sit down and rest a little before we leave. I’ll make some tea for you.” He nodded and sat down on his desk chair.

Once you left his room, his thoughts occupied him. He knew how agitated he was. It was because he wanted to do well. He wanted to perform and showcase his talent to not only you but his family, friends, heck, everyone in the school. Sure, there was no winning or losing, but the pride was still there to brag about how well you did.

But this was really for him to prove himself. Though having many other talents, he wanted to think that he was a good enough singer. He enjoyed singing, perhaps even using it to make a career as an idol. But that sounded too far-fetched.

It was the self-confidence he lacked drastically. He couldn’t help but think lowly and envisioned embarrassing himself in front of everyone, giving them and him no hope in his singing. You told him otherwise, and it did help him throughout the weeks before the talent show. But now being on less than an hour before the talent show, every bit of assurance flew out the window and now the negative notions began shining.

Was there even hope for him? How much does he believe to actually go through with this? Maybe he can drop out last minute? He doesn’t think the amount of work and effort he did was enough. Will he disappoint you? His family? The entire school? Himself? He was going to do a shitty job, he just knew.

His hands suddenly became clammy, opening and closing his trembling fists. His breathing felt like it dropped, making him feel choked up and find it difficult to even inhale. The beating of his heart increased rapidly, unable to catch up with it. He winced as the pressure worsened. He got out of his seat hastily, pacing around his room.

He couldn’t process everything clearly, he was getting antsy and afraid by the second. His uncontrollable eyes moved around his surroundings as he felt his tear ducts swell up from the overwhelming state of his body. It was happening again, but this was the worst one yet.

He tried those breathing exercises you taught him to do. “D-Deep breaths. Deep breaths.” He respired quiveringly, but after a few attempts, it didn’t feel like it was working. “Come on, Taehyung. Breathe.” He lets out an alarmed sob. It wasn’t getting better, and he couldn’t come up with anything else.

Unknowing of his episode, you entered calmly into his room with a fresh cup of tea for him. Once you closed the door behind you, you turned around. “Taehyung, I got yo—” You spotted him all frazzled, wheezing, and weeping. He walked all over his room, feeling out of control.

“Bl-Blue!” He wept, going towards you. “I-I’m scared. Pl-Pl-Please.” He grabbed your unoccupied hand into his quaking ones.

You placed the cup down on his table, so your hands were fully occupied with his. “Hyungie, let’s do the deep breaths. You got this. You remember those, right?” Your voice balanced, and relaxed as possible.

He shook his head and cried, “I tried it. It doesn’t work.” He began heaving heavily. You rushed him to sit down on his bed and you followed for support.

You had to think fast about what other things you could do. If deep breathings weren’t enough there has to be something else that can help. Questions? You didn’t have anything cold. Closing your eyes. Maybe distractions?

“Hey, Hyungie. Look at me. Focus on me.” You squeezed his hands. His moving eyes hurriedly gazed at you. “Remember that one song we learned. I love that song and its lyrics.”

He shook his head again. “Wh-What does that have to do with anything?”

“Do you remember it?” You ignored his questioning. “How ‘bout singing me them, come on? I’ll sing with you too.”

“Blue? I ca—”

“Come on. Just you and me, Hyungie.” You encouraged his panicked state.

“Are you sure you want us to leave you from here?” Jimin asked through the rolled-down passenger window. As promised, they took you back to the restaurant. They were willing to wait for you so that they could drop you off at home but you denied. You didn’t want them to know where you lived because it was in a bad area, and they probably had a busy day tomorrow. You didn’t want to bother them for too long.

“Oh, I’m sure!” You promised, shouldering your bag. “I live pretty close to here anyway.” Technically, you needed to ride the bus but that wasn’t anything you didn’t do before.

“Yah, why is this in a scary area?” Hoseok was in the backseat, looking around the area through the tinted window.

“Ahh, it’s not scary. Trust me. I’ve always left here around this time.” You reassured, trying to ease their worries. “I just don’t go down the road we drove through.”

“Yeah, we should take another route,” Namjoon suggested from the backseat, scrolling through his phone. “I think I saw a drug exchange and it’s not sitting right with me. I feel like an accomplice.”

“___, are you really sure?” Jungkook asked once more, ducking down from the driver’s seat to look at you.

“I’m perfectly fine, I promise.” You smiled. “Thank you for dinner and paying. I appreciate it. Jungkook, send my number to everyone.” Jungkook clicked his tongue and threw a finger gun at you.

“Anytime, ___. We’re grateful to have spent time with you.” Jimin chirped happily.

“Call or text us any time!”

“I guess, I’ll get going inside so bye!” You waved your goodbye. They said theirs back and watched you go into the restaurant before they drove off.

Once you flung the tarp open, Kenji was about to yell that they were closed until he saw you again. “Oh, why are you back?”

“I forgot my phone in my apron.” You sighed as you headed towards the hooks. “You know when I was manhandled out of the place.” Your coworker laughed as he started putting up the chairs. You dug into your apron pocket and finally retrieved your phone.

Through your Lock Screen, you noticed many messages and calls. The most recent ones were from Jungkook and unknown numbers, which were probably the other boys. Some messages were from Kenji, but they were irrelevant since most of them were memes. But what intrigued you the most was that there were twelve missed calls and messages from Taehyung. The messages consisted of where you were, how are you, please tell him if you were okay, and other concerns he had.

These were the first contacts from him in a while, telling you that he never bothered giving up. Your lips curled slightly at the thought before you put your device into your pocket. “I guess I’ll get going again. Thanks for covering my shifts.” You announced.

“No need to thank me. It wasn’t bad.” Kenji shrugged. You were about to take your leave before he called for you. “By the way, Taehyung Hyung came to the restaurant and asked about you.”

You stopped your track, diverting your head to your coworker. “H-he came?”

Kenji crooned in response. “Yeah, it was a little while after you left. I just told him you were casually out with his members.” Though it was casual, you spectated that Taehyung could have possibly thought worse of it, especially since you two still weren’t on talking terms yet.

“Do you know where he went?” You gulped, growing concerned.

“No, he didn’t say. Just dipped out.” Your coworker informed. “He was probably pissed that he wasn’t invited.“ Maybe, or maybe even more.

You nodded again before saying your goodbyes. Once he said goodnight, you were out of the restaurant with your phone back in your hands as you wondered where Taehyung was. He may have gone back home, but you weren’t so sure. You could text any of the boys if they knew, but you weren’t so sure if they did since they were with you the entire time. They also mentioned the rest of the members were busy. But now you were questioning how busy Taehyung was if he managed to come here for you.

Calling him should be okay since he texted you back. It should be okay to do so. It would also mean that you were good with him again. As you began your way to the bus stop, you pressed on his contact to call. But after long-awaited rings, it went straight to voicemail. So you called again, but again with the voicemail. Deja vu…

Shaking your head at that thought, you left a voicemail. “Hey, Taehyung. I saw your calls and text. Sorry, I couldn’t answer right away. I left my phone back in the restaurant. I also found out you stopped by. Call me when you received my message…” You were feeling alarmed for an odd reason. “Stay safe, okay?” You ended the voicemail and threw your phone back into your bag.

You couldn’t understand the tingling sensation inside of you. It left you uncomfortable, almost like something was wrong but there was nothing to be concerned about. Your night was restful and enjoyable. The members were indeed affable and kind towards you. Though you were a bit shy with your responses, they knew how to ease you in. They knew how to make people comfortable; you admired that trait of theirs.

While you were walking quietly, you then heard thumps and grunts at a distance. It didn’t stop your feet though, you clutched onto your bag as you pushed yourself to get through. It could be a couple doing public indecency, a burglar, or maybe even a murder. Usually common in areas like this.

But the one thing you had to remember was to protect yourself, so you weren’t about to get into other people’s business and suffer. Unless it was an innocent bystander, you carried pepper spray with you at all times.

The volume of the noises increased as you continued your way. It was until you reached an alleyway that you noticed four figures over each other. It seemed like a fight, but in addition to the emptied bottles you found through your scrutiny, it was a drunken fight.

Because of that, it was not your business, and was about to leave the premises when you heard a shout. “Fuck off!” That voice…was familiar. But senses could deceive you, so you were battling your curiosity with your rationale. You were alone, with nothing but pepper spray and your hands as self-defense, but still, it wasn’t enough if it would be four against one.

Yet if you left, you’d have some sort of guilt if it was someone you knew. But then again, who would it even be? Kenji? He was still at the restaurant. There wouldn’t be anyone you knew, unless—

The sound of glass shattering broke through your mind. You sneakingly stepped forth at the end of the alleyway. You hid behind trashed boxes, observing the people fighting. The streetlights were dimmed and blinking. You were able to see faces and silhouettes, but they were still a bit unclear.

You squinted your eyes. A man held a broken bottle while two stood in front of him. One was on the ground possibly passed out. But you noticed liquid near his head, and it didn’t look like a good sign.

“You fucking killed him!” One of them shouted at the man holding the glass.

“No, I didn’t!” That very man screamed, and it sounded very distinct.

“Yes, you did. You murdered my friend!” Another yelled back.

“No, I didn’t!” The man repeated, voicing out through a sob. Then the two figures attacked him, coming from his sides. They threw punches, kicks, and blows at his body but the man was still standing strong, being able to take both of them. “I’m not a murderer!” He grunted as his back slammed on the concrete wall, throwing down the broken glass.

Through that angle, you were given a vivid image of him. Once you saw it, you swore your heart dropped.

A teary-eyed Taehyung swung his arms and aimed at their face and kicked their chest. One fell back and groaned while the other held his stomach. “I’m not a murderer! You’re hurting me! You’re hurting me!” The vein on his neck was prominent and straining as he kept shouting. He kicked the man on the ground in the chest while he kneed the other in the stomach again.

The two were on the ground, groaning in pain and moving weakly. Taehyung panted, looking down at them. You watched him lean on the wall for support before he covered his face with his palms. You heard soft crying coming out of his mouth, twisting your heart in ache. How did he even get here? How did this happen?

Your thoughts remained, but they were immediately pushed back when you scrutinized him more. His body was notably shaking, even at the distance you were in. He jerked his hands in the air as if it would alleviate him. You could hear his harsh wheezing densely as he began circling the three men on the ground.

It was as if your body was on high alert because you felt yourself running toward him. You curved and jumped over the men to get to him. He then felt another figure coming towards him and was about to get defensive again until he found your eyes, eyes that knew how to calm him down.

“Bl-Blue.” His voice cracked through his heaves, stepping away from you. His eyes went out of control as he looked over at the unconscious men, making him realize you saw him like this. Saw him in a way you have never seen him before.

He feared the worst.

Then all the fears from within traveled from his stomach to out of his mouth, retching all the liquids he consumed on the concrete. You shifted away from the vomit. His throat burned furiously as he gagged the intoxication and dizziness out. Tears pearled down his face and his nose reddened by the forced action.

As he somehow managed to finish, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. But his hyperventilation intensified as he whined at the piercing pain within his chest. Holding where his heart was, he folded down. Before he could crash down, you hooked an arm under his form and guided him away from the scene. Your steps were wider and brisk until you stopped at the corner that had boxes stacked enough for him to not look at what happened.

You helped him stand steadily with cautious hands on his shoulders. “___, I-I-can’t breathe.” He squeaked, his body convulsing under your touch. Despite the signs of a panic attack, when he was in this state, he always needed a loved one’s touch.

“I’m sorry. Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Let’s do deep breaths.” You shushed him. You led some exercises you recalled from your memories. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. But it wasn’t working as he shook his head, the breathing was still weighted and tears slipping out of his puffed eyes.

You focused on him, being as peaceful as possible. It wouldn’t help the situation if you were the opposite. You had to think fast, attempting to recollect past things you’ve done. But it was such a long time ago; it was challenging you. You didn’t think he still had them after he overcame his stage fright, but this was probably for a different reason and his coping stayed constant.

But the pleading eyes of Taehyung ached you, wanting nothing more but to help him be free from his episode. You didn’t have anything you used to help him.

Then your eyes lit up at a method, one that worked every time.

“Tae—Taehyung, focus on me. Your eyes on me, okay? Can I hold your hands?” His tensed eyes landed on your solaced ones. He nodded before your hands made their way down until you grasped onto his hands tightly. The feeling of your touch soothed his fragile condition. “Do you remember that one song we learned when we were in middle school?”

“A-A song?” His lips trembled in fear.

“Yeah, let’s focus on that because I forgot how much I loved it! Do you remember it?” You smiled joyfully, scrunching your nose.

“D-Do you…mean…” He gasped as the pain pinched his heart, causing him to fall forward. But you kept his support, carrying some of his weight through your arms. You motioned him to sit down on one of the boxes. While he did so, you bent down on your knees to meet his eye level.

“I’ll start it, okay?” You told him and he couldn’t get a word out but he kept his gaze and nodded. “Okay.” You let go of one of his hands so you could snap your fingers to the beat in your mind, doing a little shoulder dance and sounding soft tickings as the introduction. You were trying to ease him away from tension.

“L is for the way you look at me,” You sang merrily as you looked at him. “Your turn.”

“O-O...is for…the only…one…I see,” He sang slower while you silently mouthed the lyrics for him to follow, but his breathing control got better. You nodded as your smile grew wider.

“You’re doing so well,” You praised. “V is very, very extraordinary,” You pointed at him and tried your best with that high note where you found his lips curling.

“E-E is even more than anyone that you adore,” He stayed on tempo, but still shaky. Yet you were so proud. He inhaled deeply and exhaled.

“All together!” You expressed. His trembling hands came back to your calming ones before you decided to lace your fingers together. You swayed your intertwined hands side to side with the unheard beat when the two of you chorused, “Can love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two.”

“Two in love can make it,” You vocalized, while you saw his eyes weeping out more tears. You let go of him. Your thumbs reached out to wipe them off his face but kept your palms on his cheeks.

“Take my heart, and please don't break it.” Though he sang perfectly, his voice cracked with his bawling. He wrapped his hands around your wrists, holding you in place.

“Love was made for me and you,” You sang together and you motioned one more time for the ending. “Love was made...for me…and you.” You both held out the last note, but it was slightly off from Taehyung’s cries. But it was all okay because you saw that he felt a lot better and his breathing became stabilized once again.

Only the noises of his sniffing and breathing rang through your ears as your glassy eyes stayed on him, waiting for his green light. But unexpectedly, he slithered his arms around your waist and pulled you into his lap. He kept his grip tight as he buried his face into your chest.

Your body hardened, but then felt the familiar warmth he gave out like when you were younger. Not wanting to reject him after his episode, you let it be and circled your arms around his torso. When he realized you didn’t push him away, he cried in relief. The wetness of his tears drenched your shirt, but you didn’t bother to care. You rubbed his back and rocked yourselves while humming a random tone.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Blue.” He chanted into your skin, having light hiccups in between.

“You’re fine, Hyungie. You’re good, you did so well. No more fears right now.” You hushed as his weeping remained.

You took it all in, never having any doubts at this moment. All you wanted right now was to make all his troubles go away. It was hard, but it wasn’t impossible. And you would do them in a heartbeat because now you took the first step of having him back in your life.

Accepting him. All of him.

Tagged: @manuosorioh @kaal-ee @stfxthv @dahliasbouqet @bertqut1 @fuckthinking @taebangtanbabe @tan-veee

#matcha masterlist #taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #taehyung fanfiction #kim taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #bts x reader

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xenyasplacex · 25 days

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Mama’s Girl Part 1

Summary: Chris Navigating being a single dad to a teenage girl until an unexpected visitor arrives

Warnings: Swearing, Crying, Underage drinking, Drug use (weed), Teenage pregnancy, toxic parents, talks of comas. Lmk if i’ve missed anything

A/N: THIS IS NOT A PREGNANCY TROPE. This chapter makes it seem like one but it is not. i didn’t write this Chapter, my best friend did and has asked me to continue the story because she quit tumblr. I’ll try and get the next part out asap.

Adria Pronunciation : Ahh, deer, ahh

PRESENT DAY

“It's okay baby come on,” Chris said as he gently moved his extremely high daughter up the stairs as she continued to bawl her eyes out.

“I’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry” She repeated over and over again as she clung onto her dads night shirt.

It broke Chris’ heart to see his little girl this upset. He forever cursed the day her mother left. He cursed it because it meant that Adira was never given a proper mother child relationship that she needed. It meant that she was subject to such heavy bullying because she never knew what the love of a mother felt like. It meant that she forever blamed herself for seeing her Father crumbling because the love of his life had vanished. It meant that when she was only 5 she had to bang on Matt’s door with her little fists in tears because she couldn't wake her dad up. It meant that at 4 she had to knock on Nick’s door and ask him to take her to school because her dads bedroom door was locked. It meant that Chris almost ruined his whole career by nearly having his own child ripped from his hands.

But after years of trying hard to fix himself up and care for his daughter, he and Adira were finally happy it had all been destroyed by one singular phone call. A phone call that brought back all those old emotions that Adira had been suppressing. Those feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger came rushing back but now she had a way to get rid of those feelings.

Weed.

Chris didn’t know where she got it from or where she got the money for it, but Chris knew weed and he knew that it would have had to be pretty damn strong to put here in this state.

“I ruined everything, dad I'm so so sorry. I've never done it before I promise, I'm just tired of feeling sad, I'm so so tired” She cried as they got to the top of the staircase.

Chris’ heart broke once again.

“It’s okay baby, this is hard on you I know it is. It’s gonna be okay.” He cooed as he helped her to her bedroom.

He very gently laid her on her bed, wiping her tears away with his thumb as he fought with himself to keep his own tears at bay. Sometimes he hated how much she looked like her because it was a constant reminder of what he had lost. Don’t get him wrong, Chris loved his daughter with every single bone in his body and thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, but he also loved her mother. He loved her mother more than he could even fathom and though people always said she looked like Chris he couldn’t help but see so much of her mother in her.

He gently took off her shoes, putting them in her wardrobe before sitting her up against her headboard and using a makeup wipe to wipe away the makeup she was wearing, wiping away tears that fell in the process.

“Okay baby, let's get you into bed now,” Chris said as he laid her back down on the bed and put the blanket over. Adira only cried harder at that, “What’s wrong baby?” he asked, pushing her hair away from her face.

“Please don’t leave me, I'm scared of being alone please don’t leave me alone.” Adira gripped onto Chris’ hand desperate for some sort of presence in the room with her.

“I’m not going anywhere Bambi, I'm just gonna tuck you in and I'm gonna stay right here.” Chris whispered as he calmed his daughter down and then laid beside her, allowing her to snuggle up into his side and lay there till she fell asleep.

2 WEEKS INTO PREGNANCY

“Hey, Y/n…you okay? You look…nervous,” Justin asked as he stepped out of the way for her to enter.

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Urm is Chris here? I really need to talk to him.” Y/n asked, playing with the bracelets on her wrists as a way of trying to calm herself down.

“Yeah, he’s in his room,” Justin said as he pointed upstairs. Justin had always viewed Y/n as a little sister, he really did care for her deeply and seeing her this distressed really just didn’t sit right with him. He knew something was up but he also knew Y/n would simply shut down if he dared say anything so he just let her go, hoping that he would somehow get to the bottom of whatever it is that was bugging her.

Y/n didn’t bother knocking on Chris’ door, she gently opened the door and spotted him at his computer typing away at something.

“Hey Chris,” Y/n started as she gently shut and locked his door. She couldn’t afford any sort of distractions from the rest of Chris’ family. She needed this to happen and she needed it to happen now.

Chris momentarily looked up before going back to his computer screen, “Hey babe, just give me one second to finish this post and ill be right with you.”

Y/n sat on his bed nervous as ever, trying to rehearse what she was going to say. How exactly do you tell your boyfriend he accidentally got you pregnant at 17 and your parents are just about ready to kill him? And how was she supposed to prepare for his reaction? Chris’ could decide to run. He could decide he didn’t want to be a part of this child's life, he could decide to break up with her on the spot. He could…

“What’s up mama,” Chris interrupted her thought as he crashed onto his bed next to her, a love sick smile plastered on his face. She winced at the word ‘Mama’ knowing that it was now or never.

“Chris’ i need to tell you something and it’s really important.” Y/n said quietly as tears started to well in her eyes. Chris noticed this and his mind immediately went to what he thought was the worst,

“Did you cheat on me?” He asked, looking down.

“What? No, why would you even think that.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No, but I might if you don’t shut up.” Chris looked up at her confused. “Then what is it?”

Y/n took a deep breath, she needed to tell him before it was too late.

She looked him dead in the eye, a single tear falling as she whispered

“I’m pregnant Chris.”

Present day

Half an hour later, Chris was crying in his brother's bed as he clung onto Nick. They had been in this position before, Adira asleep in one room and Chris having a breakdown in the other.

“It’s not your fault Chris,” Nick whispered as he gently moved his curls out of his face “You couldn’t have done anything to stop it. She snuck out, it's not your fault.”

“I got Y/n pregnant, I put her in that coma, i didn’t step up as a father to Adira until it was almost too late. And now she’s high as a kite in her room. All this is my fault, i fucked everything up.” Chris cried.

Nick could only attempt to comfort him the best he could, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake Adira up.

“She’s gonna be okay Chris, everything's gonna be okay.” Nick soothes

“they said she asked for me. She asked to see me. I don't think I can do it, Nick.” Chris chuckled a bit, “It’s sort of funny, for years i begged her to wake up and now she’s finally up i can’t bring myself to see her.”

Nick knew he was only laughing as a coping mechanism but he still put a smile on his face, When he heard the news that Y/n had woken up, it was like everything in the world stopped. He didn’t even get any more news before he threw his phone on the floor, smashing it in the process. Luckily Matt just happened to be in the room with him and had taken control of the current situation, getting the information needed form the doctor and trying to calm Chris down from the panic attack he was very clearly having.

Nick tightened his grip on his crying brother and simply whispered “It’s okay Chris, everything will be okay.”

8 WEEKS INTO PREGNANCY

“What do you mean you’re leaving the school?” Chris questioned as his Girlfriend sat on his bed, watching him pace around his bedroom

“My parents want me out before anyone can notice, they said i'm starting to show and that some people were confused as to why i went from wearing tank tops to hoodies. They just want to be safe. They said homeschooling was the best option for me.” Y/n replied, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Yeah, well what do you think?” Chris asked and Y/n stopped. Come to think of it, so far she hadn’t really been asked what she thought about much regarding the pregnancy. Her mother had forced the brand new clothes, brand new curfew, brand new extracurriculars, brand new skin appointments. She sorted out all the artificial things whereas her dad made sure that there were cameras all over the house. He installed locks that only he had the key for, he boarded up certain windows to shop for any sort of ‘unneeded attention’. She had no say in how she felt, what she wanted, what restrictions she felt were going too far. She didn't even get a say in whether she wanted to keep the pregnancy or not so she hadn’t really thought about what she thought about the whole ordeal.

“I don’t wanna not see you or my friends throughout the day, you guys are the only thing in my life that brings me any sort of joy right now, but i also don't want to ruin my parents name. I can’t be the downfall to their success Chris… I just can't.” Y/n’s parents (Lilly and Tommy) owned a major law firm, one that was currently making insane amounts of money but even a small scandal such as a teenage pregnancy could potentially affect their number of clients and so the couple had opted to hide her pregnancy until Y/n the 2 can be passed of as a sister or cousin.

“I hate this so much Chris. I hate that this pregnancy is ruining my senior year. I hate that I feel guilty about not wanting a child yet, I hate that I've dragged you into this, I hate that your family might view you differently now, I hate that I've strained your youtube career, I just… i just hate all of this”Y/n confessed, finally getting everything off her chest.

Chris just walked over to her and rapped his hands around her waist and whispered into her ear, “I'm gonna visit you everyday. I’ll bring Matt and Nick too, and we're gonna help you through everything. We’re gonna make sure you’re not isolated at all. We’re gonna pick out baby clothes, we’re gonna find out the gender together, we’re gonna stay up for hours talking about baby names, we’re gonna be okay. Imma get my papers straight and imma come straight to you baby, i promise. How does that sound?

No answer

“Y/n?” Chris asked as he looked down to see her asleep.

Fatigue, Chris thought to himself as he layed her down on his bed and threw a blanket over her, finally letting her sleep.

11 WEEKS INTO PREGNANCY

“Are you out of your mind?” Mary-Lou screamed at Lilly and Tommy, “How dare you even consider such a horrible thing!”

“Mary-lou, I understand this may be hard for you to understand but this is what needs to happen. Think of everything this pregnancy has put at stake. Separating Y/n and Chris may be the best option right now.”

“That child has 2 parents, one of which is Chris who is willing to care for both Y/n and the baby. How dare you try to take that from him!” Jimmy exclaimed

Chris’ grip on Y/n’s hand tightened and his other hand continued to stroke her hair as they listened to the argument that their parents were having downstairs.

“This is such bullshit!” Matt exclaimed from his seat on his couch, “I mean neither of you want to be separated and Y/n isn’t gonna want to go through a pregnancy alone so why would they even consider separating the 2 of you?”

“They’re trying to ignore the whole thing. Stop the chances of anyone finding out and I guess getting rid of Chris was the best way of doing that. I mean then I have nobody to go baby clothes shopping with or complete ultra sounds and stuff like that, reducing the chance of me wanting to do them.”

“That still doesn't make it right, or fair! I mean, i don't understand wh-”

“Christopher, Y/n! Get down here at once!” Tommy screamed

“Good luck,” Nick said to the pair as they got up and made their way downstairs. Lilly was sat on one side of the large dining table and Tommy was stood behind her and Jimmy and Mary-lou were both on the other side of the table.

“Christopher, i know this may be hard on both of you but we have decided that it would be best if you and Y/n are to be separated for a little time, then when the baby come we can schedule meeting times and-”

“No. Absolutely not. You’re not taking my child or my girlfriend from me.” Chris stated firmly. He wasn’t going to back down. He knew if he wanted this he would have to fight for it. He couldn’t back down. He needed to show them they had no right to chose his life for him.

“Oh for goodness sake child!” Tommy exclaimed, “Look at your life! You're in high school! You play lacrosse instead of focusing on your grades. Your parents aren’t the richest of them all. You have a blood youtube channel! You are in no position to raise a child. You just can’t. Boys like you always think they can do it and then they just run off leaving the girl and the child. I won't let that happen. I can’t afford a child like you to ruin my life. I can-” “Dad just shut up!” Y/n screamed back. “If Chris can’t see me I'm not going home with you. This is his child too, you can’t just take that away from, and for once in your life can you just stop about your stupid reputation and think about what you are doing.”

“What do you mean you're not coming home?” Lilly questioned, ignoring everything else her daughter had told her.

“I mean i’m not coming home.”

“Y/n if you do this we are cutting all ties with you. We are cutting you off both financially and emotionally and you are getting rid of that child's only stable grandparents. Do you really want to do that?”

If that's what it takes for Chris to stay in this child's life then so be it.”

PRESENT DAY

The next morning Adira woke up with the worst headache she had ever had. Stumbling downstairs she was met with Nick and Matt arguing over what the correct way to make frnch toast was.

“Nick, you're such an idiot, it's painful. You can’t put nutmeg in french toast!”

“Just because you can’t cook doesn't mean I'm an idiot Bernard!” “Damn Uncle Matt, you can’t let that one slide!” Adira said, making the pair jump and turn around.

“Hey Bambi, how are you feeling?” Nick asked, walking up to her and pulling her into a hug.

“Bad, everythings a little…loud right now. Where's dad?”

“In the garden, i think you should go see him” Matt chimed in, pointing towards the back door where she could see her dad playing with Tessa, their dog.

She slowly made her way out the house and into the garden preparing for a lecture from her dad, but when Chris saw her he simply smiled and tapped the spot of grass that was next to him, indicating that she should sit with him.

As she did so she quickly said, “I’m sorry dad, I really don’t know what happened last night.” She said looking down.

“It’s okay Adi, I know, it's okay.” He said ruffling her curls a bit before he went back to stroking Tessa. “I do need to talk to you though.” He said looking down a bit caused Adira’s heart to drop a little.

“I think I'm going to go and see your mom. I know she’s probably confused but I just think I have to do this. For me, for you and for her. We can’t avoid this forever Adi. I just… I have to do it. I have to overcome whatever fear this is. You take your time okay. Let me know when you’re ready to see her and I'll take you,I just…I can't wait any longer.” Chris said quietly. He expected Adira to cry, maybe get mad or just walk away from him all together but instead she gently brought her dad into a hug.

“It’s okay dad, I get it. Do what you think is right.”

Chris just broke down at that. She understood. She understood.

“I love you Bambi. More than anything in the whole world, and im so proud that your my daughter.” Chris whispered as some tears dropped.

“I love you too dad. So much.”

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #Spotify

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suddenlybambi · 11 months

Text

as long as you stay here [10] ♥ kyle broflovski

pairing : kyle broflovski x reader

college AU - 18+

tags : strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, angst, alcohol, afab reader, she/her pronouns, eventual smut

words : 2.2k

chapter 10

previous | next | alaysh masterlist

a/n - we are officially in double digit territory 👁️👄👁️

Kyle didn’t usually eat in his room if he could help it. His mom had always taught him it was unhygienic. But he wanted to talk to Y/N about the night before, and he didn’t want to risk Stan and Wendy interrupting them.

Y/N seemed to consider the bed for a second, but once she realised that Kyle had already made it, she settled on the floor with her legs crossed and plate balanced on one knee. He joined her, sitting opposite in the same position.

“I’m surprised you’re not…” He struggled to find the words without them coming across as rude.

“Hungover and crying on the bathroom floor with the lights turned off?” She smiled, showing she knew exactly what he meant and wasn’t upset by the implications. “Did I really drink that much? I don’t remember much past getting to the party. Clyde had already given me two shots before we left and then another when I got there… I think I remember having a few cups of whatever they had dumped in that fishbowl….”

“Yeah… You were pretty out of it,” He laughed nervously, looking away. He was wary when he realised how much she had actually been drinking and was worried that she probably should be hungover. Unless… “You’re not still drunk, are you?”

“No, I am stone-cold sober,” She confirmed, twirling a piece of pancake on her fork before she ate it. “I don’t get hungover, no matter how much I drink and for how long I do it for. Most I get is a headache, but that is fixed with some water and a Tylenol- thank you for that, by the way.”

“No worries, I know you would have done the same for me,” He shrugged.

“I also assume you took me home, so thank you again for that,” She smiled, tilting her head a little in thought. “I hope I wasn’t too much of a pain for you.”

“You could never be a pain for me,” The words came to him so naturally that he didn’t have to think about them for a second. “So, no hangovers? That’s-”

“Dangerous?” She finished, and he nodded a little hesitantly. “I don’t drink much anymore because of that. I went through a phase in high school, made a lot of stupid decisions with stupider people for the stupidest reasons, all because I could just wake up the next morning with no memory of it and still get my ass dragged to ballet classes at 6am and practice my pirouettes until my toes bled.”

“I always wondered if the rumour was true that those weird ballerina shoes break your toes?”

“Painfully true! Let’s just say I could never pick up some extra cash by selling feet pics because even the absolute degenerates would be turned off,” Y/N laughed at the mildly horrified look on Kyle’s face. “It also breaks the bank. New shoes every couple of months really add up over the years. But at least breaking them in is great anger management control! I personally preferred the method of slamming them against a wall repeatedly. I knew a girl who would run hers over with a car to break them in.”

“Ballet seems really peaceful and delicate from the outside… I had no idea that it was so brutal.”

“Like your mom-” She froze, realising she had let the impulsive thoughts win. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean for that to actually leave my mouth.”

“Don’t worry about it. Cartman once wrote an entire song about my mom being a big, fat bitch,” Kyle shrugged, not bothered in the slightest by Y/N’s joke. “It’s pretty hard to beat that.”

“I think I remember Cartman getting pissed at me last night?” She tried to retrieve the memory, but it evaded her. “But I’m not sure why?”

“Ah… That would be because you stood up for me when he insulted my costume,” Kyle recalled the moment easily. He was touched that she stood up for him but concerned that it was to Cartman, who was unpredictable. “You asked if he was a furry, and he did not like that one bit.”

“It wasn’t an insult! I know some furries, and they’re nice and cool people for the most part!” Y/N sighed, finishing up the last of her pancakes. “I don’t remember spending much time with you…”

“You and Clyde hung out most of the night,” He told her, still halfway through his pancakes. He slipped one onto her plate for her to eat, and she happily accepted it. “I think he’s the reason you drank so much.”

“I hope he’s suffering today,” She mumbled, trying to remember what she could of the night. She thought she could recall actually having fun with her flatmate, which was odd. “Do you know where my phone is?”

“Crap, I didn’t see it…” Kyle looked around in a panic, worried it had been left behind at the party. “When did you last have it?”

“I think I left it in your car?” Y/N informed him after a moment of thought. “I’m pretty sure I had it then.” His panic eased a little at that. Hopefully, she was right.

“I’ll go check,” He grabbed her now empty plate to drop it off in the kitchen as he left to find the missing device. After a minute of panicked searching, he found that it had slid under the seat and retrieved it. The screen lit up to show a lock screen that warmed his heart, one of him and Y/N that she had insisted on taking when they had taken the scenic route from the cafe to the library. He was honoured to have made it to lock screen status and made a note to change his own from the generic scenery he’d had since getting the phone to one of the two of them.

A notification caught his eye after the lock screen. He couldn’t see what the text message said, but he could see the name of the sender.

‘Mother’

Kyle remembered what Y/N had told him about her mom cutting contact with her because she didn’t pursue dance. He wasn’t sure how she would react to getting a text from her and how it would affect her mood. He had to push away the selfish want to say he hadn’t found the phone so she wouldn’t see the message in hopes he could spend more time with her in a good mood.

When he returned to the apartment, he found that she was doing the dishes. Instinctively, he placed the phone on the table and grabbed a tea towel to start drying and putting things away.

“Did you find it?” Y/N asked, looking over her shoulder at him with a sweet smile. He really hoped that whatever the text said didn’t ruin it.

“Yeah, it's on the table for you,” He nodded over at it while drying a plate. “Want me to finish this?”

“It’s fine! I’m almost done anyway!” She shook her head, looking back down at the sink as she finished the last of the dishes. Once done, she picked up her phone from the table and checked it. Kyle tried not to make it obvious that he was watching her, but he couldn’t help himself.

He watched as her smile dropped within a split second, only to turn into a scowl as she actually read the text. She didn’t appear to send anything back, just turned it off and put on a fresh smile for Kyle as she looked back up.

“Do you have a charger I could borrow, please?” She asked, holding her phone up. “I’m on 12%.”

“Yeah, it’s in my room,” He put away the frying pan he had been drying and led her back to his room. He wanted to ask what the text said, ask if she was okay, give her a hug, or do anything that could possibly cheer her up. But it wasn’t his business. She would tell him if she wanted him to know, but she deserved privacy. “Over here.”

“Thank you, sweetpea,” The pet name made his heart race as she took the end of the cable from his hand and plugged her phone in to charge. There was a moment of silence while she plugged it in and set it down. “My mother texted me.”

“Oh?” He didn’t know if he was supposed to act surprised. His mind was running in fifty different directions at once. “Are you okay?”

“I’m here with you, and not with her,” The words were simple but held so much meaning. Kyle’s feet moved without him thinking as he took her in his arms, holding her to his chest in a hug she eagerly returned.

“I’m here for you if you want to talk about it,” He told her. One of his hands lifted up to stroke her hair, still a little messy from the night before. “I’m also here if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t…” He could feel that she was shaking slightly, the slightest crack in her voice betraying that she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know if I can go to yours for Thanksgiving…”

“What do you mean?” He asked as she pulled away to get her phone. They sat down on the side of his bed together as she unlocked her phone, opening the message and passing it to him to read for himself as she didn’t trust her voice to hold out.

Mother : moving house sunday after thanksgiving. anything u don’t collect will be dumped

That was all the message said, but it didn’t have to say anything else for him to know what it meant. Y/N would have to go back to her mom’s house if she wanted to salvage any of her belongings that remained there. The callousness made his blood boil.

“She said Sunday after Thanksgiving,” He pointed out, passing the phone back to her so she could put it back on charge. “We could still spend Thanksgiving at my house, then go to yours on Friday, so we have then and Saturday to get your things.”

“You’d come with me?” She sounded slightly surprised but grateful. “I don’t want to take time away that you could be spending with your family.”

“If it helps…” He leaned in to whisper to her as though they weren’t the only two in the room. “I don’t want to spend the whole week with my family anyway. A few days is more than enough, trust me.” This made Y/N laugh, which Kyle considered a win. Tears were still brimming in her eyes, but there were paired with a smile again. “Plus, who would drive you around if I wasn’t there?”

It had taken a bribe of no chores for two weeks after the holidays, but Kyle had managed to convince Stan and Wendy to take two cars back home so he could be alone with Y/N. It wasn’t a long drive, only an hour and a half, but he valued any time he got with her.

“You mean you actually kicked your brother?” Y/N asked, her eyes wide with shock. “Like, just fully went for it and booted him across the street?”

“I was 8!” Kyle protested through laughter. “Are you saying you and your brother never did anything like that?”

“There was too much of an age gap between us for him to get away with that shit,” She shrugged, opening up the glove compartment, which she had slowly taken over more and more each time he drove her somewhere. “Then again, he was 13 when I was born. By the time I was old enough to be a conscious human being, he was at the end of high school and barely home.”

“Did you get along with him?” He asked, reaching over to grab a mint from the pack she had produced from the glove compartment as she offered it to him.

“Oh, I followed him around like a little lost puppy whenever he was home,” She smiled at the memory. “I wanted to do whatever he was doing and go wherever he was going. He would carry me around on his shoulders whenever we were out and about. People thought he was my dad, and I guess he was the closest I ever had to one.”

“How old were you when your dad… you know…?” Kyle regretted the question as soon as the words left his lips.

“Died?” She finished for him, far more nonchalantly than he expected her to be about it. “Before I was born. Mom never talked about him. I only know what little I do know about him because my brother would slip me bits and pieces of information. I think it was a car crash or something that killed him.”

“That’s rough. I’m sorry,” He didn’t really know how to react, particularly since she didn’t seem that bothered. He figured it was hard to mourn someone who you never knew and no one would tell you about.

“Look! There’s a deer!” Y/N excitedly pointed out of the window as they passed the animal. “Kyle! I saw a deer!”

“You’ll get used to that!” Kyle laughed at how excited she had gotten over something he had considered normal and taken for granted all his years in South Park. “We’re almost there. Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

a/n - the comments you guys write really spur me on when writing, thank you so much 🥰

let me know if you would like to be on the taglist for this fic

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#kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski fic #alaysh suddenlybambi #as long as you stay here #alaysh #south park fanfiction #south park fic #south park kyle #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle x reader #sp kyle x reader #sp kyle

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dj-bynum3718 · 9 months

Text

Of Fire and Ice - Chapter 11

Melissa Schemmenti X reader X Larissa Weemes

Summary: self doubt clouds your judgment and you can’t stand it.

Words: 1097

Notes: I’m so sorry for disappearing thank you to the people who are still interested in this… ❤️

Warnings: angst….

What are you doing… you are being an idiot. You look around at the dark gymnasium, empty except for you wrapped in the sheet from the bed that you grabbed in your haste to get out of there. The voices of self doubt finally too loud you had to escape.

You don’t know how you ended up here. One minute you are buried between Larissa’s legs the next you are having a panic attack.

“Trouble in paradise?” You whip your head around clenching the sheet tighter around yourself. “I-I….” “You know the last time I found you here like this you had just stole Larissa away from us.” You watch as Morticia shoos Gomez away a silent conversation had between the 2.

“I didn’t steal her away she broke up

With y’all and came to me” she comes and sits next to you on the bleachers. “Why are you here (y/n)?” “You wouldn’t understand Tish.” “Oh yeah? Try me because it looks to me as though you are running away from your feelings and being an idiot.” She pulls at your sheet. “They are worried for you…”

Your head snaps up as you look at her. “How would you know that?” “We have the room next to yours” she grimaced “gotta be honest we always thought you were the dominant.” You make a face. “Sorry didn’t realize we were that loud.” She shrugs “so why are you being an idiot?”

You look at her your high school rival now realizing she was probably your best friend in school. The one who talked you off ledges of chaos and self destruction. “Tish…. They aren’t actually my girlfriends… Me and Larissa broke up 6 years ago and Melissa and I are coworkers at a school in Philadelphia… I don’t know what the hell I’m doing! Or how to deal with the fact that I’m in love with the both of them!” She nods as you stand adjusting the sheet around you. Now pacing back and forth in front of her ranting. “Gods Tish what if they don’t like me?! I’m not good enough they deserve better than me! They deserve each other, both stunningly beautiful, incredibly smart you know?” You look up making sure she is listening she just nods along.

You aren’t good enough! You did the right thing in running this way the only life you are ruining is your own. You can start over you can do it you did it before it’s not that hard. Who are you fooling of course it’s hard. Your feeling are to consuming fully convinced that you will die if you run again. But it will be better for them they deserve better. Your mind is eating away at your own sanity making you act foolish and you are self aware but to far him to do anything about it.

“You know it would probably settle your mind if you just spoke to them.” You snap your head up giving her a look. “Right,right that’s too simple for you and you want to feel bad for yourself don’t you?” “What?” You give her a look like she just slapped you. “You are being a selfish stupid idiot!” “What am I supposed to d-“ she stands to her full height now scolding you. “Do have any idea how much those 2 women care about you? The moment you just poofed away they started panicking! We heard them we heard the commotion.”

They panicked when you left… why they don’t love you! They don’t want you Morticia is lying she has to be. “That’s why I knew where you would be because you always come here when you are being and idiot! So get out of your head and wake up! Because you’re right about one thing they do deserve better. They deserve to be treated way better than you are right now!”

Now that hurts you never wanted to hurt them. You didn’t. They don’t care about you, you are better off alone.

“Don’t you think I know that!! I love them so badly it hurts! They run through my dreams! And plague my thoughts. Every piece of art I see, every symphony I hear.” You are crying so full of emotions that you can’t stop them. “When I cook I feel Melissa when I play Fleetwood Mac I hear Larissa sing! I burn for them, I would climb every mountain, crawl through hell, catch a falling star if they just asked! I want to spend the rest of my life making sure they never want for anything! I want to take care of them. I want to love them and give them everything they deserve! Gods do I love them!”

“We love you too.” “Even when you are acting foolish.” You freeze staring at Morticia not daring to move. “I think it’s time I take my leave. I think you 3 have a lot to talk about. Come Gomez.” She stands walking out with her husband as your girls move to take her place in front of you.

“Care to tell us why all of this happened?” You look up at them standing in front of you in comfortable clothes eyes red and holding each other. You fucked up. “(Y/n) did we do something? Help us understand what happened.” You can see that you hurt them you did this caused this problem the last full day and you ran. To consumed in your own issues you didn’t even realize.

“I-I’m so sorry”. You take a step forward and at meet with a hand making you stop in your tracks you heart drops and the feeling of dread. “Why… why did you run…” Melissa oh god the look on her face and Larissa just looks angry. “We thought it was all going so good…” “and it was! I don’t want either of you to think for a moment that this was y’all’s fault. It was me all me, I was in my own head and.. oh Gods I’m so sorry. I never wanted to make the both of you feel like this.”

Larissa turns to Melissa and the whisper to each other before turning to look at you. “Come on… it’s cold in here and you don’t have near enough cloths on… and we need to talk”. Larissa finally looking you over. You let them lead you back to the room looking down self doubt and shame filling your body. You hurt your girls and you don’t know what is wrong with you but you hope to fix this…

@enchantressb @gwendolinechristieiscute @mrs-prentiss

#larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #lisa ann walter #abbott elementary #gwendoline christie #principal weems #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti

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falcqns · 4 days

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the weight of the world (atlas has abandoned his post) chapter two

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Tim Bradford x Lucy Chen x Tamara Colins

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the aftermath of Tamara’s breakdown.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: custody arguments, Tamara is younger in this fic, chenford are still together but arent okay, parental death (not chenford), mention of parental alienation, mention of guns and violence. tagging @natashasera

don’t forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

When Tim opened his eyes the next morning, the first thing he saw was Tamara, curled up beside him. After she had broke down and yelled at him for the first time last night, he had scooped her up, and carried her into his bedroom, where he laid down with her, telling her how much he loves her, and that he was never going to leave as she drifted off to sleep.

He hadn’t even stopped to think about how everything that was happening between him and Lucy was affecting Tamara. He knew the 16 year old saw him as a father figure, but he never knew how deeply those feelings ran until last night. Seeing Tamara, someone who he viewed as his daughter, break down, scream, and yell at him the way she had last night, broke his heart. Seeing her confess the reason her parents had passed away broke him even more. All he wanted was for her life now to be happy and calm, and him not opening up to Lucy and her was clearly bringing up reminders of the pain she felt when she was barely 4 years old. He knew it wasn’t fair to either of them, he just didn’t know how to go about fixing it.

But before he could even ponder it, his phone began to ring. He glanced at the caller ID, and took a deep breath when he read Lucy’s name. He answered the phone, and sat up in bed as soon as he heard Lucy panicking on the other end of the phone.

“Luce, what’s wrong?” He asked, and Lucy took a deep breath before answering between her sobs.

“Tamara’s not here,” She said, her voice growing more and more high-pitched as she began to speak. “Sh-she was here last night but I just went to get her up for school and she wasn’t here. I-I-I tried calling her and I don’t know where she went!”

“Luce, it's okay, she’s with me,” He answered, hoping it would calm Lucy down. To his surprise, however, it had the opposite effect.

“What do you mean, she’s with you?” Lucy demanded. “Why is she with you?!”

Tim sighed. “She had a nightmare after our argument last night but didn’t want to disturb you so she came to me.”

“And you just didn’t think to tell me?” Lucy yelled. “I am her legal guardian, for god's sake! I am her parent, and it never crossed your mind to tell me that the child I have custody of was there with you, someone who does not have custody of her, and you just didn’t let me know? Are you insane?”

Tim sighed angrily, before throwing the blankets off of him, and getting out of bed. He stepped out of the room before he responded, not wanting to wake Tamara.

“Look, I get it, you’re under a ton of stress right now, and I know that I haven’t been the easiest partner, but we both know that I am just as much Tamara’s parent as you are. I know I don’t have custody of her, and no legal right to her, but it's not fair for you to throw that in my face. The only reason I didn’t text you to let you know she was with me was simply because I was focused on making sure she was okay, because she scared the shit out of me, Lucy.” He said, his voice cracking. “She came over, screamed and yelled at me, and then was crying on the ground because she was fucking terrified I was going to leave her.” He yelled, before opening the patio door and letting Kojo out, and stepping out behind him. He took a deep breath and continued, trying his hardest not to yell.

“Lucy, she confessed to me how her parents died. The only thing on my mind was comforting her because she called me her dad and she just,” he sniffled. “She needed me. She was the only thing I could focus on. I'm sorry I didn’t text you to tell you, because legally, yes I should have, but she’s my kid too, Luce. Has been since she stole your car.”

It was silent on the other end of the line for a moment before Lucy spoke again. “I’m coming over.”

“Luce,” Tim tried to cut in, but Lucy didn’t give him a chance.

“Tim, I'm coming over, and we are going to discuss this as adults, and as her parents, okay?”

Tim sighed. He had known for the past 6 years that when she makes a decision, there's no changing Lucy Chen’s mind. “Okay.” He said. “I’ll see you when you get here.”

—-

20 minutes later, the front door to his house was opening, and Lucy came in. “Where is she?” she asked Tim, and Tim pointed down the hallway to his bedroom door.

“She's in there, still sound asleep.”

Lucy nodded in response, and looked around the living room before making eye contact with Tim. “So, uh,” She stuttered. “What did she tell you?”

Tim was unsure if he should tell her. It was Tamara’s story, would she be mad that he told her first? “Luce, I dont think it’s my place to tell you.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw the anger reignite in Lucy’s eyes. “Are you kidding me? You’re going to keep that from me too? I am responsible for her emotional and mental wellbeing as well as physical, I need to know so I know how to help her through this.”

Tim groaned. “I am not trying to keep anything from you, okay? I realized that mistake last night, and I’m sorry that I pushed you two away. I shouldn't have. But this?” He said. “This is something that has to come from her.”

Lucy laughed angrily and threw up her hands, trying to turn away from Tim, but he grabbed her elbow and turned her back.

“I’m saying that because it was awful, Lucy. It was horrible. No child should have gone through what she did, and it breaks my heart to think that our argument caused those memories to come back. I’ve already hurt her enough in the last 24 hours, I can’t hurt her anymore by telling her story.” He explained, and Lucy calmed down, seemingly for the first time since she woke up, if the way her whole body sagged was any indication.

“You’re right,” Lucy said. “I know you’re right, I-” she began, tears returning to her eyes. “I was just terrified when I woke up and she wasn't there. I thought Ray came back and did something to her.” Tim immediately shook his head and pulled her into his arms. She remained stiff, and although it hurt that she didn’t melt into him like she normally did, he accepted it. He had hurt her, she needed time to process it.

“It's okay, she’s safe.” He whispered. “I’m sorry I didn't let you know she was with me, I should have.”

Lucy pulled out of his arms, and stepped away from him. “I’m going to go lay in bed with her.” She said, “And later you and I are going to discuss a custody agreement for her because despite me being angry and frustrated with you right now, she deserves to see you, and I’m not going to alienate her.”

Tim nodded at her. “Thank you. I know I don’t deserve it, but still, thank you.”

Lucy shook her head. “No, you do deserve it. I meant what I said about how you'd be a good dad one of these days. You already are.”

—-

For the next few hours, Tim tried to keep himself busy, and keep himself away from the bedroom where his daughter and Lucy were sleeping, although it was hard. He took Kojo on a long walk, cleaned the garage, and even rearranged the food in the fridge. Eventually though, he had to go into the bedroom after Kojo ate too much grass and threw up on his pants.

He tried to be as quiet as possible as he entered, seeing Lucy passed out asleep with Tamara in her arms. He assumed Tamara was asleep too, until he stepped on a creaky floor board and it caught her attention.

“Dad?” she whispered, and Tim smiled to himself before answering.

“I’m here, bub.” he said, grabbing a pair of pyjama pants from the dresser. “I’m just grabbing a pair of pants, Kojo got sick on my jeans.”

There was rustling behind Tim as he quickly pulled on his pants, and threw his dirty ones in the hamper. When he turned around, Tamara was sitting up in bed, rubbing her puffy eyes.

“I-Is mom mad at me?” she asked quietly, and Tim immediately crossed the room and sat in front of her on the bed.

“Why do you think she’s mad at you?” He asked, reaching out to hold her hand.

She sniffled, blinking away the tears in her eyes. “I heard you guys talking.”

Tim sighed, and moved closer to her. “She’s mad at me, not you. I didn’t text her and tell her that you were with me, and when she went to wake you up for school and saw that you weren't there, she got scared, and then got angry at me for not telling her that you were safe with me. And then she kind of forgave me when I told you why she came, but then got angrier when I told her that you had opened up to me about your birth parents, but then wouldn’t tell her. So basically she’s just really angry at me.” he said, a slight smile on his face.

“But I heard her say something about a custody agreement,” Tamara said, her lower lip wobbling. “D-Does she not want me anymore?”

Tim immediately shook his head and wrapped his arms around her. “Oh bubba, no.” he assured her. “She had brought up the fact that she is the only one with custody of you and how I should have told her that you were with me, and I argued that just because I don't legally have custody of you doesn’t mean that I'm not your parent. The custody arrangement is just so you can still see the both of us even though we’re going through a rough patch, okay?”

Tamara nodded, shakily inhaling. “Okay.” she said quietly, before glancing next to her at Lucy, and then back at him. “Do you think I should tell her?”

Tim shrugged. “It's up to you. I think that it’s important that you tell her, so that she knows how to properly support you through this, but if it's too hard for you to talk about, then, don't put yourself through that.”

Tamara nodded again. “I think I should. She deserves to know.” Tim pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Okay. I’m going to run out and get groceries, do you want to come?” He asked, but Tamara shook her head.

“Nah, I’m going to wait for Mom to wake up and then I’m going to tell her,” She said, “Just, rip the bandaid off, i guess.”

Tim nodded, a small smile on his face. “Okay.” he said. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Tamara nodded as she laid back in Lucy’s arms, her head finding her mom’s heartbeat. “Okay.”

—-

Just after the door closed behind Tim, Lucy stirred, her eyes opening and finding Tamara immediately. “Hey, you.” She said quietly. Tamara looked up from where she was scrolling on ClipTok, and locked her phone.

“M- Lucy!” Tamara said, and smiled when Lucy wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming here.”

Lucy sat up. “I don’t want you to apologize, okay?” She said, reaching dow and stroking Tamara’s cheek. “I’m just glad you came somewhere safe.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

Lucy smiled. “No, of course I’m not mad at you. You needed your dad, and you came to him.” Lucy blinked back a tear. “I’m glad that, despite how hard things are between Tim and I right now, that you have him to come to. I could never be mad at you for something like that.”

Tamara nodded, and sat up too. “What did he tell you about last night?” Tamara asked.

“Not much. He just said that you yelled at him, cried, and then told him what happened with your birth parents.” She said, “He didn’t tell me much, even though I pretty much demanded he tell me, but he was insistent that it's up to you whether you tell me or not.”

Tamara nodded, looking down at her hands. “I want to tell you.”

Lucy shook her head and moved closer. “You don't have to. It’s all up to you whether you tell me or not. I don’t want to push you, okay?”

“No, I definitely want to tell you.” Tamara said. “The only people who know are my social worker, and the cops who worked the case. And, Dad, now I guess.” She looked up at Lucy. “I think it’s important that you know, since you’re my mom now.”

A smile broke out on Lucy’s face, and she reached her hands out towards Tamara’s where they were resting in her lap. “Did…did you just call me ‘mom?’” She asked, shakily.

Tamara bit her lip, her chin quivering slightly. “Yeah, is that okay?” She asked, uncertainty in her voice.

Lucy nodded, sniffling. “Okay? It’s more than okay. It’s…the greatest give you could give me. I’m honoured that you chose me to be your mom.” She whispered as she wrapped her arms around Tamara. She pulled Tamara down onto the bed, and the two of them wiggled around as they got comfortable. “Okay, now,” Lucy said, pressing a kiss into Tamara’s hair. “Take your time, and let me know if you need a break.”

Tamara nodded before speaking.

“When I was four, my parents got into a huge fight. I mean they got into fights all the time, but this time was different. My mother had been cheating on my father with their dealer, who was also my fathers best friend. He had come home and found them in bed together, and my father lost his mind. I ended up hiding in the closet because I didn’t want his wrath turned onto me, and as I was trying to block out the noise when I heard my mother scream.”

She paused to take a deep breath in before continuing. “She kept asking him to stop, to calm down, telling him that she was sorry, but he just kept screaming at her, calling her names, and telling her that she was a dirty cheater. She kept screaming, and then he started screaming louder, and then there was a gunshot. It was quickly followed by a second gun shot and then everything went dead silent. I didn't leave that closet until the cops carried me out of it.”

Lucy sniffled and choked back a sob, hugging Tamara tight to her chest. “Oh baby,” she whispered into Tamara’s hair. “I'm so sorry you had to experience something so terrifying. You're safe now. You're with us, and nothing will ever hurt you again."

Tamara sniffled, trying to stop her tears from falling, but when she heard Lucy start to sob, she couldn’t stop them.

“You were just a baby,” She said, her hand running through Tamara's hair. “You deserved to be loved and protected, not hurt like that.” she whispered. “Thank you for telling me that, even though it was probably hard to open up like that.”

Tamara nodded. “The reason I came here last night was because I dreamt that instead of my mother and father, it was you and dad. I knew Dad would never do something like that, and I was scared, even though I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. When you went undercover on the Teska operation, I confessed to him that I had had a nightmare and he bought me Godzilla. He said ‘Just imagine Godzilla squashing all the bad guys in your dreams, and if that doesn’t work, you can always call me.’ That’s why I came to him instead of you.” She said, 'And you were exhausted, I didn’t want to wake you up.’

Lucy wiped her eyes. “Thank you for opening up to me, and for trusting me with this. For the record, you can always wake me up, okay? But I am glad that you went to Dad when you needed someone. I’m glad you’re not bottling this up. I know this isn't easy for you, but I promise you, me and Dad are going to do everything in our power to protect you, love you, and support you. We’re going to get through this, okay?”

Tamara just nodded, a small smile on her face. She finally had a family.

#chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #tamara colins #tim bradford x lucy chen #lucy chen x tim bradford #tucy #tucy chenford

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writerfae · 4 months

Text

So I cleared out my phone notes and deleted some stuff. Here’s some snippets I stumbled over that I like and I think you’ll enjoy too @bunnymermaidsblog ^^

This is nothing really, just Modern AU Crack

“I think everyone is a little in love with coach,” Halea said.

Her friends nodded in agreement, except for Aiden.

“We're talking about MY BROTHER here guys!” he said. “Stop thirsting over him already, PLEASE.”

This one is actually for chapter four of the Silver lining AU!

"Hello," the young woman smiled. "It's so nice to meet you! I'm Sera."

She reached out to give him a pat on the back, which was nice, because it reminded him of his brother.

Sera leaned a little closer, as if to share a secret.

"My brother can be a bit difficult, but he's a good guy. Let me know if he annoys you, I know just how to deal with him," she said quietly.

"I heard that!" came Talon's annoyed voice from behind them.

"You were supposed to," she called back with a grin, winking at Aiden.

Modern AU again. This time that scene I never wrote where Aiden has a breakdown about being left behind again when he and his friends will have to split up for college.

“Hey, shhh,” Talon soothed him gently. “Stop talking nonsense, I’m not gonna leave you.”

Aiden looked up to him through eyes red from crying. "You won't?"

It sounded so small, so hopeful. Talon wanted to hold him even tighter and never let go.

"I won't." He kissed his boyfriend's temple, then he pulled back to look at him again. "I love you, Aiden. I'm not going anywhere."

Tears welled up in Aiden's eyes again, but this time for a completely different reason. “You do?”

Only then did Talon realize it was the first time he said those words to Aiden’s face, despite thinking it a million times before.

He nodded, caressing Aiden’s cheek. “I do.”

Aiden buried his face in Talon's chest again, arms tightening around his waist.

He was smiling. "I love you too."

Modern AU part three, this time a note for the sequel of Take a Break I considered writing forever ago

Aiden was wearing Talon's old high school volleyball jersey and for a moment Talon thought how good his lastname looked on his boyfriend.

He sighed fondly. "Hey wolf whisperer, still working on your thesis?"

And lastly some brotherly angst for you cause I know you love Aiden and Henry

Henry's face darkened. “I was very unhappy, Aiden. And I made you and father unhappy too. So I left, because I thought it's for the best.”

“That's not true. You didn't make us unhappy. It wasn't your fault that father became like this.

And me... the only thing that made me unhappy was when you were missing in my life.

I get that you weren't happy, that you had to leave. But you could've at least.. I wish you would've at least said goodbye.”

#there were other nice things too but I kept those so I just wanted to share those I got rid of #writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder #writing #my writing

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bad-surprise · 8 months

Note

⭐️directors commentary of your choice please?

i held onto this for a minute because i knew i wanted to wait until the fic was complete (same for museum, that’s sitting in my inbox for now)

apologies in advance, this is a long one.

but i thought you might

haladriel modern au | E | 135.4k | 26/26

but i thought you might (bitym) began as a promptfill i posted on december 9th, 2022— the day i created my fandom twitter account.

at very basic level, bitym is a story about purity culture and the impact it has on those who grow up within it, even if they believe they never bought into the conditioning. it taught me that i love writing about sex— particularly deeply psychological sex scenes that reveal new info about the characters and their relationship, motivations, and overall dynamic.

it really only exists because my husband had covid that week, and because i was exposed but tested negative we were isolating separately. i had a lot of time to fill and spent a lot of it daydreaming, listening to music, and writing little bits of a story in my notes app. there was a very clear moment where hal’s voice just clicked for me and the first chapter came together from there. chapters 1, 2, the last half of 4, and 5 were all written first, back when i thought it would be an 8k one shot. i still have the draft of this, along with another one shot version of it.

it was inspired by memories of high school, particularly one off-campus lunch senior year where a friend confessed that she and her boyfriend had sex and she enjoyed it and didn’t know what to do with that. i believe my response was “i’m pretty sure you’re supposed to like it,” but she started crying. hal and gal’s high school is largely based on the private religious school i attended, and when i imagine their campus, that’s the image in my mind.

i really struggled to find a title, and sort of impulsively chose a line from home by daughter because i thought that song captured the right vibe.

personally, the story only becomes something i’m not embarrassed by around chapter 6. i knew what i was writing towards at that point but only in vague terms. going back into hal’s pov there for the first time since chapter 2 really clarified things for me. i’m not proud of it until chapter 10.

note: spoilers for the entirety of but i thought you might below.

many of my favorite elements were happy accidents, including the introduction of luthien, the two year time jump in chapter 11, the entire diner scene, and hal going to therapy. in conversations with my husband, i was adamant for so long that bitym!hal would never go to therapy. i underestimated what he would be willing to do for gal.

i didn’t really know the ending until around march, and a key aspect of it changed while drafting the penultimate chapter. the original ending i had in mind was incredibly dark, much closer to the shark in your water. it was initially going to be a story about hal thinking he was free from the religious conditioning but turning out to be just as toxic as fin, and galadriel coming to terms with being trapped. i was terrified when this changed and so so scared that hal would lose empathy from readers because of what he did, but ultimately that doesn’t seem to have happened.

the process of writing felt like constant excavation. i felt my way through the story intuitively, with a very flexible list of some plot points in my mind, but i was pretty much flying blind here. i’m so glad it worked out alright in the end.

easter eggs/random bits of info

references

“but they say you have the voice of an angel” is a reference to the music of the ainur

many celebrian moments were inspired by tiktoks and reddit posts.

“the last person i dated was awful” from chapter 17 (i think?) is the only morgoth reference in the whole fic. i debated including him but it ultimately felt like too much work to add it in and i don’t think the story needed it.

when hal’s telling galadriel how he lost his virginity, he says “she had a boyfriend anyway”. this is a reference to the song sex by the 1975.

in chapter 18, the event the girls go to is a reference to revolve tour (the girls who get it, get it)

the conversation hal and gal have about the differences in sex ed for girls and guys at their school is intended to slightly reference “then why is it not gone from here?” in the show, which is largely how it felt for me to leave evangelicalism before recovering from a lot of the related trauma. i didn’t believe it anymore, so why was it still strangling me all the fucking time?

depression as anger turned inward comes from my therapist, who knows i used it in this fic.

takes 20 attempts for halbrand to get the ring right because 3 rings for the eleven kings + 7 for the dwarf lords + 9 for mortal men = 19 before he forges the one.

hal is an aeronautical engineer working in the defense sector. this is a reference to some legendarium stuff around sauron in numenor.

writing process + personal shit:

in the first draft, hal was morgoth’s son and there was a plot point involving the theft of the silmarils.

the nursing student line in chapter 1 is based on some people i knew at university.

i am too embarrassed to read chapters 2 and 3. like i just want to curl up and hide whenever i think about either of those chapters, i think they’re terrible.

there are many “deleted scenes” from bitym that just didn’t fit into the narrative in the end, so they live in the unused scenes folder in my scrivener project. one of these scenes— a description of hal’s apartment— actually ended up being used for museum, and another scene i deleted was reworked for chapter 7 of shark.

i wrote the infamous chapter 5 car scene in the middle of the night, during what felt like a dissociative state, because i knew if i wasn’t exhausted my inner critic would start shame spiraling due to my own religious upbringing.

every single purity culture experience in the text, with the exception of chastity club and the purity pledge, is something that actually happened in my life. the only reason i didn’t do a purity pledge is because i missed youth group that week.

“they cannot convince her she’s sinned” is 100% from my own experience of being surprised by my complete lack of guilt lol.

i really want to have a longer convo about the consent stuff in it because i’m fascinated by some of the responses i got to the chapter 5 car scene. some people were really angry with me for it, which was interesting bc i really had the archive warning on there because of the birth control tampering.

i fucked up the time skip in chapter 11 and added an extra year. this changed the story dramatically (and is why the ending ultimately changed) but i prefer the way it turned out. i also fucked up the age gap between fin and gal, and don’t ask me what grade celebrian is in bc basically i cannot do math to save my life.

i find it really interesting how many readers seem to think galadriel’s POV chapters are more reliable than hal’s, because i definitely see it the opposite way.

i get super nervous about the references to their jobs because i’m terrified of getting something wrong but definitely don’t know the ins and outs. i do research, but i still feel super inadequate there, which is why you never see her at work and only see him at work twice.

chapter 13 (diner scene) was so difficult to plan, but once i decided to use those two songs, it became fairly straightforward. it’s one of my favorite chapters in the entire story.

you probably know this by now if you’ve read chapter 25, but their first kiss being in a closet was 100% deliberate.

i’m so so proud of the sequence with the pregnancy tests in chapter 15.

i decided celebrian would be in this while writing chapter 6.

the drive home from the bachelorette party was written about five days after i started working on bitym.

i knew as soon as chapter 6 that hal would wait until celebrian was born to tell galadriel that he loved her, but holy shit it was so difficult to wait that long.

the scene I’m most proud of is the opening to chapter 23.

misc. in universe info:

the night out with elrond and miriel in chapter 22 stresses me out so much bc gal doesn’t understand what she’s doing and it’s such a horrible position for hal to be in, seeing how she’s basically asking him to come out to her before he’s ready. this all happens only a few days before galadriel leaves for the first time.

hal doesn’t know that galadriel doesn’t think they’re a couple until B+L’s wedding. his response when she tries to bring it up earlier is because he’s worried officially defining it its going to either set him up for failure, or scare her off completely, but in his mind, they were basically together together as soon as he said “yeah, i think i’ll keep you” in chapter 5.

there are subtextual references to substance use issues in hal’s family. this is why he doesn’t drink much or do drugs— though by his 32nd birthday his attitude is a bit more relaxed, considering that their second child is conceived while both of them are drunk lol

in chapter 12, galadriel left her car in accessory for too long and the battery died. hal is fully aware of this and totally could’ve just jumped her battery but he missed her and wanted an excuse to spend time with her.

galadriel’s apprehension about motherhood doesn’t come from a lack of interest altogether, but because the only model she’s really had is one of 100% loss of identity, which is something she’s not willing to do. initially, i planned on this being her ultimate fate and good lord i’m so happy i didn’t go there.

i’m very careful in hal’s therapy sessions to have him refer to “people” he’s dated/slept with, rather than “women.”

galadriel’s friends 100% thought she was sleeping with hal AND celeborn in high school, hence their confusion at her response to finding out they were sexually active then.

hal’s parents aren’t actually homophobic or biphobic, they just didn’t know how to handle that situation and so they sort of pretended it didn’t happen. and if you want to know what happened, it’s just your usual homophobic bullying— the boy he liked turned on him to avoid being a target himself.

hal has had panic attacks his entire life but wasn’t diagnosed with panic disorder until shortly before galadriel moved out for real. he’s very resistant to using rescue meds and thinks he should just be able to tough it out.

they split bills proportionally based on income, with hal contributing 66% and gal 34% around the time of celebrian’s birth. galadriel doesn’t know much about hal’s finances until they buy the house.

i loved seeing how responses to amarie changed as she challenged expectations in the later timeline. i feel really bad for her— it’s implied in the final chapter that she married fin when she was 20 and he was 24, and she dropped out of college as a result. what they’re struggling with by the end is the fact that she wants to finish her degree and has made peace with the fact that they don’t have kids— more of that will be in peppermint for sure.

another aspect in the background that i knew about but decided against mentioning is that celebrian was born just before covid, which is a huge part of why they fell out with galadriel’s family. hal’s health anxiety meant nobody was getting anywhere near his baby and they were not feeling that at all. this might come up a little in peppermint, we’ll see. i doubt i would directly mention covid, just the fact that both of them were working from home for a large part of celebrian’s first few months.

celebrian’s first word was fuck. hal insists it doesn’t count. gal disagrees.

both hal and gal can be read as neurodivergent. it’s revealed in peppermint that celebrian does have adhd. hal also can be read as meeting the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder— that was unintentional but i think it makes a lot of sense.

significant influences on bitym

films/tv

like crazy

normal people

about time

saved

couples therapy

the worst person in the world

before midnight

lady bird

500 days of summer

non-fiction

leaving the fold: a guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion by marlene winell

complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving by pete walker

hold me tight by sue johnson

adult children of emotionally immature parents by lindsay c. gibson

three women by lisa taddeo

fiction

normal people by sally rooney

beautiful world where are you? by sally rooney

little rabbit by alyssa songsiridej

the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera

atonement by ian mcewan

musical theater

the last five years

spring awakening

once

my favorite lines

Fighting is foreplay, so they never fight fair. Grievances are grenades, painstakingly primed for maximum impact. If the situation escalates to all-out warfare, consequences take a brutal turn. All hope of a ceasefire hangs on her eventual surrender to submission. — chapter 8

“Stop fucking running from what you want,” he murmurs, slipping his free hand beneath her shoulders, golden hair tangled around his wrist and laced between his fingers as they sink into her skin. “You’re not scared of me, you’re scared of yourself.” The words sear into her with the precision of a cautery pen, burning through any vestiges of self-denial still humming in her mind, loosening each thought at the root. — chapter 10

Galadriel murmured the words over and over again, whispering them against his lips, pressing them into his mouth, until the taste of each syllable was as familiar to him as the salt of her tears. — chapter 11

“Deciding to leave is very different from deciding to not love you anymore.” — chapter 13

If Galadriel is sunlight, Celebrian is made from the stars. — chapter 21

“I’d be first in line at the gates of hell,” Hal says slowly, with all the steadfast solemnity of a vow or a prayer, “if it meant I could keep this beautiful fucking life of ours for just a little longer.” — chapter 25

“You can stop beating yourself up for this shit, honey.” Hal’s thumb brushes her temple. “It’s not on you to fix something you didn’t fucking break.” — chapter 26

Maybe Hal was right. Maybe these moments only matter because of their fleeting, ephemeral nature. Maybe that overwhelming ache she once believed would shatter her served as a method to hollow out space for feeling to inhabit— this precious alloy of quiet contentment and contagious joy, irresistible wonder and the recalcitrance of love, all bound together by a strand of defiant hope. — chapter 26

“I might never be able to heal the parts of you— of us, of our family, our life— that I’ve broken. But you have my word, Galadriel,” his voice drops, each syllable low and firm, carrying the weight of an oath, “I will keep trying— until my last fucking breath, until the end of the goddamn world.” — chapter 26

that was probably a lot more than anyone wanted to know haha, so i’ll stop myself there. this fic means so fucking much to me and i’m so so proud of it. i never thought i’d be capable of writing anything like it and it’s so overwhelming in the best way to know that it means a lot to other people too.

hopefully this answered a lot of questions, but my ask box is open for anything at all— i could talk about concepts in and the process of writing bitym for days (i’m usually holding back bc i don’t want to be annoying) so please feel free to reach out with whatever.

and again, thank you all for everything. you’re amazing.

#answered #my fics: bitym #my fics: but i thought you might #fanfic directors commentary #poeticmemory

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a-b-riddle · 17 days

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Pen Pals Chapter One: Welcome to the Internet

I feel like most girls who claimed they loved world history either had a hot history teacher or a Percy Jackson obsession. Well, I'm not like most girls. I had both. I may have been failing math, but when I tell you I was passing history with flying colors...

It was 2009: I was a freshman in high school and at 14 years old, I was very impressionable. Full disclosure: I was not groomed. Well, by my teacher at least. My history teacher wasn't like that weird, over-friendly coach with the students. He was just hot. Very incredibly boring, but hot by my standards as a 14-year-old who up until that point had only kissed two boys, but read some very questionable fan-fiction.

Our semester closed on the unit about World War II. It was the week of Christmas, we just finished our finals and we watched a movie I highly recommend called 'Pearl Harbor'.

That movie just kind of fueled my obsession with World War II. It's like those little kids who had a really nice nurse when they were sick and they grew up wanting to be nurses. I saw Ben Affleck in a WW 2 uniform and was fucking SET.

Now don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed it besides the hot actors. I loved the stories. I loved the heroes. Second Lieutenant Audie L. Murphy: The most decorated soldier of the war. He was credited for killing over 200 Germans. Corporal Desmond Doss was a medic, never picked up a weapon and saved 75 men by lowering them down from a freaking cliff. I cry every time I watch his interviews and if you want to know his full story watch Hacksaw Ridge. Then there was Private Steven Grant Rogers. Started out as an E-1 and then promoted to a O-3 (or a Captain) and was renamed Captain America.

Just like how people think of Tom Brady when they think of the Super Bowl, I did the same thing when it came to Captain America and the war. Now, I don't want to say I idolized the man, but I did admire the hero.

My obsession made me major in History and later get a Master's in Conflict Management. Now, I was applying to one of the biggest companies in the nation: Stark Industries. Now, that was partly because I could not find a job anywhere and someone that I went to college with started working in HR and was able to get me an interview. It didn't have to do with anything pertaining to my degree, but it had been a while before I was able to find a job that paid this well.

I felt like I was running my sponsor dry with his support and I had applied several times to multiple colleges in the city. I mean I had a freaking Master's degree with intentions of pursuing my Doctorate for crying out loud and the best I could do was be a personal assistant.

I was going to be a secretary. Nothing important, but the pay was more than exceptional.

Stark Tower was intimidating to say the least. Over 90 floors and reflective glass windows. It hurt my neck to look directly up at it.

When I walked into the building, security instructed me what floor to go to. When I got there, I was greeted with an empty desk. I waited several minutes downstairs before a strawberry blonde woman with cute freckles came down to greet me. "Hi, you must be the secretary applicant." She smiled. "I'm Pepper Potts. So you're resume here is quite impressive and Harrison in HR highly recommended you."

"Yes, I was so excited when he told me you had a position available."

"Usually, I would be doing the interview, but I'm afraid I have to head out on some other business, so if you want to take the elevator to floor 82, Mr. Stark will be waiting."

"Of course." I said holding a folder that contained all the documents he requested I brought in.

"Hello, Mr. Stark." I greeted.

"You must be Pepper's replacement."

"Oh," I said. "Is she not-"

"She's been made COO." He clarified. "She can't leave that easily."

"Oh, good." I said. "She seemed really sweet."

"To you, yes. To me, I can't do anything. Don't put your life in danger, don't challenge terrorists." He mocked. "She's no fun." He walked further into what I assumed was a common room of sorts. It gave no indication that he lived on that floor. There was a full bar and it looked more of a place he hosted parties. "So tell me a bit about yourself." He began to pour himself a drink. "Something that isn't on your resume."

"Um, well, I'm taking a course in French and Greek right now. Just online classes, nothing too time consuming. I prefer dogs over cats because I think that its important if you die, for your pet to at least be sad and I am the first one in my family to live in New York, that I know of. I'm the first girl to graduate with their Master's. I plan on eventually getting my Doctorate, but not for a while. I don't like hot coffee and I'm terrified of snakes."

"Who would actually prefer cats over dogs?"

"Pepper?" I asked to which he laughed, even though it wasn't that funny.

"I like you." He took a sip of his drink. "It's not liquor. Pepper has this rule that alcohol should only be consumed during certain times of the day."

"I think 9:30 on a Monday is acceptable. I was debating on getting Mimosas after the interview if it went well."

"And if it didn't?" He asked.

"I would say tequila, but I got food poisoning from the limes once."

"Really?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I had about 15 limes and felt terrible the next day."

"I prefer a good scotch myself."

"I like anything that doesn't taste like alcohol. I'm really impressed that a bottle of wine can cost thousands of dollar, but I guarantee it can't be as delicious as a Moscow mule."

"I haven't had a Moscow mule in forever." He said. "They were my go-to in college."

"Where did you go to school?" His response was to point at a wall that was covered in awards and accomplishments. "You went to Andover?" I asked looking at his degree.

"Seven years." He said. "I really liked the science department."

"I've given a few guest lectures there. It's a lovely school."

"What was the topic of discussion?"

"The North African campaign during World War 2, but specifically the Battle of Ramree Island."

"History nerd. Nice." Mr. Stark replied sarcastically when the elevator door dinged. "Speaking of historical nerds."

If my legs could have physically turned into jelly at that moment they would. None other than Steve Rogers walked in with a blonde following dutifully behind. "Tony."

"Capscicle and the ice queen." He whispered too low for them to hear.

"Rogers, meet our new secretary." Tony introduced and started to head toward the elevator.

"It is such an honor, Captain Rogers." I said taking his outstretched hand.

"Please, call me Steve." He insisted. The blonde beside him remained quiet and eyed me up and down with a stoic expression.

"Not that I'm trying to cut you off, but I'll let you two old ladies reminisce on the glory days." Tony clicked the elevator door and waited until it dinged opened. "I have somewhere to be. Congratulations. You got the job. Blah. Blah. Blah. Monday at 9, don't be late." He pressed a button I couldn't see and the doors began to close. "Or do. I really don't care, but if you're late, bring coffee."

"He's..." I began, but couldn't quite pick the right word.

"Arrogant." Steve finished.

"I was going to say interesting." I said.

"So what 'glory days' was Stark referring to?"

"Oh. I gave a few lectures about a few battles at the University he went to. Nothing exciting."

"Well Mrs.-"

"It's just Miss." I said. That was stupid. Why did I say that? That was rude to cut him off like that. "Sorry." I apologized. Why was I apologizing?

"Well, Ma'am. It looks like we'll be seeing you Monday morning. If you're late Tony gets a triple shot of espresso and a disgusting amount of sugar in it."

"Being late isn't really my style. My mother always said if you're not early, you're late." Why was a quoting my zealot mother right now. Jesus, stop it. Not like Jesus Jesus. You know what, never mind. "I think I can find my way out." I said.

The walk back home I felt my cheeks burn the entire time. I haven't even started and I'm already flustered. Jesus, get a grip.

Suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was him.

*So how did it go?*

*I got the job* I replied back.

*That's wonderful. I'm so proud of you* I couldn't deny the pride that swelled inside of me at his praise.

*Thank you, although I did make a complete ass out of myself*

*How so?*

*Well, my new boss introduced me to one of his partners and I felt like I made a fool of myself.* I typed. *Not partner in the sexual way, but someone he works with. He called Mrs. and I corrected him and said 'no it's just MIss' like it didn't even matter, he was just being polite. Then I quoted my mother. I was just flustered, but I start Monday.*

C didn't reply after that. We were supposed to have a date tonight so I'm sure he would just finish the conversation later. I had a caprese salad, but ate mostly the mozzarella. I showered, shaved and waited until I got a notification.

*Sorry. Something came up. Regardless, I think you'll do great.* I smiled at his message, but was disappointment that he was cancelling our date tonight. Well the closest thing we came to date nights which usually ended in me being in an unsavory position.

Initially, C and I met on a chat forum in 2016. I was working on my senior seminar and had sort of an open ended question regarding the war. It was something along the lines of taking the notion that if a war on that scale were to happen in today's world in what ways would American citizens contribute to the war effort at home? Back in the 40s most companies like Ford made strictly military equipment. It was an honor to have a government contract whereas now it's more like any other business deal.

I received a lot of interesting responses, but a user named CR0876 replied that shifting the current American ideal of self-preservation to what we had before which was sacrificing for your country was the only way in which today's America could possibly aid in a war. I messaged CR0876 to further discuss the topic.

He wrote me: All I am saying is we now live in a day and age where you have people who won't vaccinate their children simply because they choose not to. They don't have an issue with you vaccinating your kids, but not theirs. We eradicated some of the deadliest diseases that are still present in some third-world nations and you have entitled people who don't trust science to preserve the health and well-being of not only their children, but everyone they come in contact with. The reason that our life expectancy has shot up isn't because of ground breaking medical break throughs like chemotherapy, it is for preventative measures. Getting vaccinated. Getting checkups. Wearing sunscreen. Washing your hands after wiping your ass.

A few minutes later he sent an apology for getting so riled up in his rant and I told him that no apology was needed and I completely agreed with him. From then on our friendship started to blossom.

Most of our conversations had something to do involving the war, but then it got more personal. I felt comfortable with him. I talked about my time at college and what I was studying. We went from a few messages a week to communicating everyday. Eventually when graduation came around, I offered him a graduation ticket. I was a little disappointed to find out it was too far for him to travel. He asked for my mailing address. That he felt guilty for missing such a big event and he wanted to make it up to me. I was a little apprehensive. I mean, we were taught to never give your stranger your address, but I was an RA in a college dorm. I would be out into the real world soon and he wouldn't know my room number or what I looked like.

So I sent it.

A few weeks passed and I got a pair of beautiful pearl earrings with a card that read. A beautiful girl always needs a set of beautiful pearls. Congratulations on all of your hard work. -C

Four and a half years later and I still have that card. We still talk about the war. I recommend him movies, while he recommends books then we both point on the inconsistencies. It was stupid, but it was fun. Now, I just sort of tell him about my day to day life and he tells me small tidbits about his. It was earlier in 2020 when the pandemic hit that things started to get... well things just changed.

I had just moved to New York in early February to start teaching at a local college. I was going to start with May-mester classes, but then Covid hit and the world stopped.

I had moved in with little to nothing. I had a few pieces of stuff for the kitchen and a bed. It wasn't much, but it was mine and I was damn proud of it.

My pride was short lived when I got the e-mail. In a panic, I sent him a message.

Hey can you talk?

Sure. What's up?

Is there anyway you can call me? I'm kind of in a bad place right now and I really don't have anyone else to talk to. I felt guilty as soon as I hit the send button. I'm not like going to hurt myself or anything I am just super stressed and if you have the time and energy, I just need to unload some stuff.

Seconds later my phone began to ring.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I took a deep breath. I can't believe this was the first time hearing his voice. It wasn't what I was expecting. I expected almost a pompous scholarly tone in his voice. But instead he was borderline on being batman. His voice was deep.

"They rescinded my offer." I took a deep breath. "I just spent all of my savings literally to move to this stupid freaking city and they told me over an e-mail 'we are sorry to inform you that your offer for employment has been rescinded until further notice due to the impending pandemic and the unforeseeable circumstances it holds. We deeply apologize for the inconvenience and wish you the best in your future endeavors.' They said sorry and good luck."

There was a pause and I heard him sigh. "Sweetheart, I am so sorry."

"Thanks." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Looks like that chapter closed before it got any good. I guess I can see if maybe I can do virtual learning for a high school, but I don't know if my degree is enough. I think you need an education degree to teach."

"But you always wanted to teach college..." His disappointment matched mine.

"I know..." I looked down at nearly clear streets of New York. "But I need a job, C." I sighed. "It's either that or call my parents and I would literally rather be homeless than ask them for help."

"How much?"

"What do you mean?"

"How much was your job going to pay you?"

"80k a year starting." I said and felt another wave of nausea wash over me. 80k wasn't much to some, but it was a lot for me and it would be doing something I loved.

"Tell you what, that is about 6 and a half grand a month. I will pay you 7 grand a month if you promise me not to give up."

"What?" I couldn't believe this. "There is absolutely no way I could ever accept that kind of money."

"It's not like I don't have it, Princess." He can't be serious. That's crazy. He never mentioned having money or being well off.

"And what do you want in return?" The butterflies in my stomach began to churn. God I hope he wasn't wanting to do anything... unethical. "Surely you wouldn't do that just because you want me to be a college professor."

"Nothing." He said. "Absolutely nothing. I just want you to be taken care of and pursue your dream."

"I really can't let you do that."

"It's only temporary." He tried to assure me, but I still felt guilty.

"C-" He was always so argumentative and authoritative over messaging and he matched it over the phone.

"I promise." He interrupted. "It won't put a dent in my wallet."

"Only until I have a full-time job." I tried to say.

"Until you become a professor."

"No," I said. "As soon as I get a job and can support myself."

"Sweetheart, it's not polite to argue."

"I appreciate it." I said. "I really do."

"So does that make your day a little bit better?" He asked.

"It does."

"Anything else gone wrong you need help fixing?"

"No." I responded and felt like a child and and adult came up to fix the mess I had made.

"Good." I heard him sigh. "I'm glad that was easy to fix and now, that I got you on the phone... it's nice to finally hear your voice."

Chapter Two: Confessions

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark #marvel #anonymous

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bro-atz · 2 months

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1024UB CHAPTER FORTY-TWO: THE MOST NERVE-WRACKING GUYS NIGHT OUT

word count: 2.7k

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

Thanks to Bora and all of her bullshit, the guys hadn’t had a GNO for while, which meant that the one they were at tonight at their favorite KBBQ place was the first one in what felt like decades. Truth be told, San did not want to go for this GNO because he really didn’t want to have to see Seonghwa. Yet, as his luck would have it, San was sitting right next to Seonghwa at dinner. In fact, out of all the guys in the group, he was sitting in between the two boys who still did not know about his relationship with Gyuri.

So, San made a promise to himself that he would not drink that night. He seriously had to watch what he said around those two until Gyuri figured out a way to tell Seonghwa about them. That, and right as they got to the restaurant, Seonghwa drowned himself in soju and beer to the point where he was drunk even before all the food came out. Determined to not let the guy die of alcohol poisoning, San focused on feeding Seonghwa, which meant there was no way he could drink with his hands full with the grown toddler; and because San was feeding Seonghwa, Wooyoung fed San, the three of them in the weirdest food chain San had ever been in.

When the meat came out, all the boys focused on stuffing their faces— it was almost as if they’d been starved for years based off the way the meat was disappearing off the grill. The staff at the restaurant were pretty much running back and forth from the kitchen just for them. Finally, after they had satisfied a majority of their hunger, the boys eased off and ate the meat calmly while maintaining conversations within themselves.

San unfortunately still had his hands full with Seonghwa, who was fully relying on San’s shoulder to keep him upright and awake. He guzzled water as his anxiety continued to torture him when Seonghwa buried his nose in the nook of his neck and threw his arms around him.

“Sannie…” Seonghwa whispered— well, the drunk boy thought he was whispering, but everyone in the group could definitely hear him. “I miss Gyuri.”

Silence fell over the group as they all froze, the only noise in their vicinity coming from the sizzling meat on the grill. Seven pairs of eyes landed on Seonghwa as he continued to drunkly babble, “I miss her so much…”

“But you see her every day,” San told him.

“Yes… But… I still miss her. I’m so mad that that bitch, uh, Bora got in my… Uh…”

“Head?” Someone finished the sentence for him.

“Yeah! That.”

Several of the friends rolled their eyes or smacked their forehead with their palm. San couldn’t do anything but continue to hold Seonghwa up.

“You know, she kept saying all this nasty shit about Gyu and San…”

The whole group froze once again, almost as if Seonghwa were Medusa and petrified them to stone.

“And Joong and Woo and…” Seonghwa continued, allowing the boys to ease up again.

In attempt to make Seonghwa feel better— and also shut the fuck up— San hugged Seonghwa and patted his back softly like Seonghwa was a crying baby. Seonghwa hugged back and nuzzled his nose into San further, making San feel like he were being assaulted by a bear. It took everything in him ot not yeet Seonghwa across the restaurant purely because of how uncomfortable he was.

Seonghwa was apparently not done talking. He continued his saga by stating what everyone already knew, “I’ve known Gyu since high school!”

“Yes, Hwa, we know,” someone else answered.

“I’ve loved her since high school!”

Every single boy at the table choked on either their food, drink, or spit. San stopped breathing in attempt to keep from coughing— he was one of the boys who choked on his spit. He stared at Seonghwa in complete and utter shock. Drunk Seonghwa was now officially a nightmare.

“She’s the only one who ever really understood me, you know? Like she’s just…” Seonghwa trailed off.

Everyone waited in anticipation for his next words.

“She just…”

Stools scratched along the floor as they all leaned in.

“She’s just everything. She’s everything to me.”

A deep wound opened in San’s heart. He felt completely and utterly horrible in that moment, and Seonghwa pretty much squeezing him to death was definitely not helping. His lips pulled into a tight frown as Seonghwa placed his chin on the boy’s shoulder and continued to talk in a register that was definitely not a whisper.

“She’s so perfect and so nice and kind and—”

“You said some really mean things to her when you were dating Bora, Hwa,” Mingi interrupted.

“Yeah, you said she has anger issues… That hurt her, bro,” Yeosang added.

San felt something wet fall on his shoulder. He craned his neck to see that Seonghwa was now crying on his shoulder. Great.

“I didn’t mean it!” Seonghwa sobbed. “It was all Bora. I swear. I love Gyu…”

“We know it was Bora’s fault, Hwa, but you still said those things,” Hongjoong sighed as he set his chopsticks down. “I don’t think Gyu will ever recover from that.”

“I feel so bad… I just want to like… Hug her… Tell her how sorry I am… That I will always be sorry…”

Seonghwa continued to squeeze San, making him feel like he owned the trademark for the word “uncomfortable”. He looked around the table and locked eyes with every person who knew about him and Gyuri, and they all looked as terrified as he felt. A couple more of Seonghwa’s tears fell on San’s shoulder as he and Yunho had a silent conversation with their eyes trying to figure out how the hell to get San out of Seonghwa’s grip.

Meanwhile, while keeping one arm around San, Seonghwa reached for a stray, brand new bottle of soju on the table. With his quick reflexes, Jongho snatched the bottle and passed it to Yunho. Yunho pretended to use the bottle to pour Seonghwa a shot, the glass actually filled with water. He pushed the shot to Seonghwa, who downed it in an instant and giggled, “Woo! That shot was smooth!”

San couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Seonghwa continue talking after finishing the shot, more of his body weight transferring onto San with every passing second.

“I can’t imagine my life without her… Not again… Everything was horrible without her…”

Seonghwa fell forward completely, his nose now buried in San’s chest the same way Gyuri’s face usually was. He was still crying. San felt like he was about to cry too. He could feel tears well up in his eyes, only for them to disappear when he felt Seonghwa’s weight lift off him. Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa off San and nodded his head to his seat, the two of them switching seats and taking-care-of-Seonghwa-duty.

San felt all of his energy completely deplete when he sat on the stool Hongjoong previously sat on. He felt a hand on his back and turned to see Yunho, concern plastered to his face. He held out the bottle of soju that Jongho had whisked away from Seonghwa, urging him to drink it. San happily obliged and chugged as much soju as he could without feeling the burn.

“For Valentine’s day, I waited outside for her after class… With flowers and chocolates, right? All the girls in the class were so jealous of her… I want to make all the girls jealous of her all the time,” Seonghwa slurred out.

He turned in Hongjoong’s arms and stuck his face in Wooyoung’s ear while attempting to whisper, “One girl even said, “I wonder who’s lucky enough to land him,” and I showed her who!”

Realization slowly sunk into San— he’s heard this story before. Was Seonghwa going to narrate the whole thing? Panicking, he looked to Yunho to figure out what to do, only to see all of the color from Yunho’s face fade. God fucking dammit, what the hell was this situation?

“Before I started dating Bora, Gyu told me about this exhibit she wanted to see… I got tickets for that while I was dating Bora, but I got the tickets for me and Gyu…”

San felt everyone’s eyes land on him. He couldn’t even keep his eyes in focus— his eyes were wide as he was completely transfixed by Seonghwa— this was not the story he expected him to say. This story was definitely much worse.

“Is he going to…” Yunho started, his voice quiet and right next to San.

“I think he is…”

“Should we stop him?” Jongho asked.

“I don’t think we can…” Yunho sounded defeated.

Yeosang, however, attempted. “Hwa, I think you need to eat more. You’re really far gone—”

“Shh, shh, shh. Lemme talk,” Seonghwa cut Yeosang off.

All San could do was chant “fuck” in his head over and over again.

“When we went to the, uh, exhibit thing… All I wanted to do was hug her from behind… But! I kept my distance. Then, we went to a cafe—”

“Ze Cafe?” Wooyoung interjected.

“No, a fancier one on the other side of town.”

There was a resounding snap as Hongjoong flicked Seonghwa on the forehead.

“Ow… Sorry, Joong. I just wanted it to be a date…”

With that, San felt his blood run cold. What Seonghwa did with Gyuri was in fact a date in his eyes. He could feel himself falling off the stool. He was either about to pass out or start crying. Thanks to their quick reflexes Yunho and Jongho immediately caught San before his butt could completely leave the stool. He ended up sitting between the two boys who physically supported him through this immense shock that rippled through the group. He saw that Mingi had fully turned around and was not facing the table anymore, and Yeosang and Wooyoung were clinging to each other and trembling like chihuahuas.

“She was so pretty that day... I mean, she’s pretty all the time, but that day…” Seonghwa drunkenly continued.

Everyone was frozen. They all held their breaths in complete and utter fear of what Seonghwa was going to say next— no one bothered trying to stop him at this point because they knew he would just plow ahead regardless.

“Then we went to the park… Walked through the trees… And I grabbed her arm.”

Next thing they knew, Seonghwa had caught a hold of Wooyoung’s arm. He was no longer relying on anyone for support as he was fully sitting on the stool all by himself. For a split second, San thought that maybe Seonghwa had sobered up in literally two seconds.

“I pulled her in…”

Seonghwa pulled Wooyoung closer to him. Wooyoung started flailing in the drunken boy’s grasp, his voice coming out in squeaks as he desperately tried to get away.

“And I kissed her.”

All hell broke loose. Hongjoong fell off his stool and hit the ground with a hard thud, his eyes wide in shock. Mingi, with his back still turned, was praying loudly to some immortal entity. Wooyoung, who was still in Seonghwa’s grasp, narrowly avoided his kiss with tears streaming down his face while Yeosang worked hard on prying Seonghwa’s fingers off of Wooyoung’s arm. San, meanwhile, felt himself error out and start a hard reset. His eyes were open, and he was conscious, but he was unable to move a single muscle. Yunho and Jongho were slapping San’s face, arms, and thighs lightly, attempting to reboot San to his last original settings. Through this chaos, Seonghwa continued his epic.

“But... The entire date… I kept thinking about the lies Bora told me… That Gyu would never like me back… That she was the only one there for me because Gyu wouldn’t be… Not if she’s seeing someone…”

The group immediately calmed down and paid full attention to Seonghwa as this was information that none of them had ever received. They all leaned towards Seonghwa, expecting him to continue.

Biting his lower lip with tears in his eyes, Seonghwa cried quietly, “She lied and told me that Gyu was sleeping with San.”

The best way to describe the table at that point was Seonghwa was a car with bright headlights, and the other seven boys were deer standing in the middle of the road. San seriously could not believe his ears. How the fuck did Bora find out about that?

“She said that she saw the two of them go into Gyu’s apartment… That they were kissing… That San’s hand was up her shirt…”

San was both as pale as a ghost as well as red in the face upon hearing this. He ran his trembling fingers through his hair, a shaky breath leaving his body. He felt Yunho put a hand on his back, giving San the tiniest bit of strength to stay alive in that moment.

“I didn’t want to believe her, but she kept telling me that if Gyu wasn’t interested, then I should be with someone who is… Someone like her…”

Everyone else in the group had yet to say anything; they were all stunned.

“But then she kept lying and lying and lying, so I thought… Gyu definitely isn’t sleeping with San… And it doesn’t seem like they are… Which means I still… Have… A… Chance…”

Then and only then did Seonghwa pass out, his head nearly hitting the table with a thud if it weren’t for Hongjoong catching his head in time. Still, no one else in the group had uttered a single word. Everyone was processing all the information Seonghwa threw at them. Usually, their GNOs were dramatic, but more in a fun way than anything, so this kind of drama really took a toll on everyone’s energy. Quietly, they paid the bill and left the restaurant.

On the way back to 1024UB, San and Jongho took turns carrying the passed out boy. Wooyoung was sniffling to Yeosang all the way home. Hongjoong, Mingi, and Yunho all walked like zombies. Still, not a single word had been uttered.

When they got back to the building, Hongjoong took Seonghwa up to their apartment. The remaining six boys went to San and Yunho’s place. They all looked dead serious, like they were about to go into a world war or something. Wooyoung held his head in his hands as he sat on the couch. Yeosang sat at the dining table with Yunho and Mingi. Jongho was busy passing out water to everyone while San paced the living room so much that he was about to wear a hole into the carpet.

“San, you need to tell Seonghwa as soon as possible,” Yeosang broke the silence.

“But, Gyu has to be the one to tell him,” Wooyoung mumbled, his head still in his hands.

“Yeah, Gyu wants to be the one to tell him…” San sighed.

“Wait, does Joong still not know?” Mingi asked.

“No…?” Yunho said uncertainly; he shot a look to San, who shook his head. Confidently, Yunho continued, “No. He doesn’t.”

“Okay, so here’s what needs to happen: San, you tell Joong tomorrow, and tell Gyu to tell Hwa tomorrow,” Jongho came up with a plan of action.

“It has to be tomorrow,” Yeosang emphasized.

San wasn’t going to argue with his friends because they were right. He was just scared shitless to do so. He wasn’t scared of Hongjoong, but he was scared of how Seonghwa might react to Gyuri telling him the whole unfiltered truth.

“You need to go tell Gyuri right now,” Jongho instructed. “Otherwise this will get delayed further and have a worse outcome.”

“Are they even home yet? They went out for a GNO, too,” San suddenly remembered.

“They kept their GNO in their apartment, but they could be asleep… Let me call Iseul,” Yunho said.

While Yunho made the call, San continued to pace. Yunho remained at the dining room table while the other boys accompanied San in the living room and gave him quiet words of encouragement or pats on the back.

“They’re home and still up,” Yunho informed after getting off the phone with Iseul.

“Okay, I’ll go now,” San announced.

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