#her and rodeo are my motherfucking babies
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COWBOY LIKE ME
✸ pairing: jason grace x cowgirl!reader smau
✸ notes: this is a random ass prompt but i like it hehe 🤭 this was originally gonna be a leo one but then i found the first pic…cowboy wannabe jason it is
…now playing: our song—taylor swift
yn.ln: cuntry 🎀
tagged: j.grace
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ssmchsizzleee: JASON, SHE’S SOUTHERN AND GREEK, RUN FOR THE HILLS BROTHA 🗣️🗣️
╰┈➤ j.grace: too late 🤷♀️
╰┈➤ yn.ln: said the mf from TEXAS 😒
sunshinesolace: YEEHAW MOTHERFUCKERS ‼️🦅
╰┈➤ yn.ln: YEEHAW
j.grace: i think i pull of the princess cowgirl hat pretty well, if i do say so myself
╰┈➤ yn.ln: yes baby, you’re very pretty
╰┈➤ j.grace: 🤭
abchase: A WIN FOR US SOUTHERN GIRLIES 🤞🤍COWGIRL PARTIES 4EVER
╰┈➤ yn.ln: 4EVER AND EVER BETH
annabethsbf: i never wanna see a pair of boots ever again oh my fuck
╰┈➤ yn.ln: life was so much better five seconds ago before you commented this
honey.hazell: SAVE A WHO AND RIDE A WHAT
╰┈➤ annabethsbf: HAZEL NO HIDE YOUR EYES
╰┈➤ honey.hazell: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
╰┈➤ yn.ln: hazel…sweetie no 😭
piedpiper: still can’t believe you pulled off a rodeo themed party
╰┈➤ yn.ln: you know i love me a good theme 😋
j.grace: SOUTHERN WOMEN ARE THE HOTTEST‼️
╰┈➤ annabethsbf: AMEN TO THAT BROTHER 🗣️
…now playing: stick season—noah kahan
j.grace: if the boot fits then wear it, or something like that
tagged: yn.ln
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annabethsbf: i cannot believe my eyeballs. she turned our roman yeehawy
╰┈➤ j.grace: yippee ki yay or whatever 🤠
piedpiper: do not country-afi noah kahan jason.
╰┈➤ j.grace: why must you have a problem with every little thing 😒
╰┈➤ piedpiper: i am no man’s peace.
yn.ln: MY CUTIE COWBOY ‼️🤍
╰┈➤ j.grace: I LOVE YOU COWGIRL 🫶
╰┈➤ yn.ln: I LOVE YOU TOO 🤭
╰┈➤ ssmcshizzle: GET A ROOM 🗣️🗣️
ssmcshizzle: don’t think i forgot the time i put MY cowboy hat on your head and you swatted it away like a fly 😒
╰┈➤ j.grace: well she kissed me after she put it there so i wasn’t gonna say NO
╰┈➤ ssmcshizzle: I COUPDVE DONE THAT IF I THOUGHT IT WOJLD WORK
╰┈➤ yn.ln: LEO GET AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND
abchase: the boot definitely didn’t fit but it’s okay bc you tried 😇
╰┈➤ j.grace: annie you’re supposed to be supportive of the country escapades 😔
ghostboy.nico: gods, they’re multiplying
╰┈➤ yn.ln: you love us southerners, we know ☺️
╰┈➤ ghostboy.nico: unfortunately
╰┈➤ sunshinesolace: thanks babe 🤩
j.grace uploaded a story!
@ annabethsbf replied:
SHE HAS YOU SAYING YALL NOW???
shhh, quiet city boy
said the kid raised by wolves
i will bite you.
@ ssmcshizzle replied:
yo is that my hat?
probably, considering i’m wearing hers
WELL CAN I HAVE IT BACK??
🤷♂️
@ yn.ln replied:
omg jay you’re tarnishing my mysterious cool girl reputation
you’re as mysterious as a glass window
that’s not true
i’m hot n sexy n mysterious
2 truths 1 lie
you suck
love you too honey 😚
#୨୧ love letters#jason grace#jason grace smau#jason grace x reader#jason grace x y/n#jason grace oneshot#jason grace x you#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus#hoo#hoo x you#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo fandom#pjo hoo toa#hoo x reader#jason grace imagine
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rodeo || johnny suh
⇝ title: Rodeo
⇝ pairing: rapper!johnny x manager!reader
⇝ genre: coworkers with benefits sort of | secret relationship | smut
⇝ summary: After Johnny sees you showing off on one of the set’s mechanical bulls, he can’t help but pull you into his trailer and put your riding skills to the test.
⇝ rating: 18+
⇝ word count: 2.1k
⇝ warnings: unedited (i’m so sorry) | strong language | johnny wears a grill… warning you now | cowgirl duh | reverse cowgirl because we lit | rope play (not really sexual) | spanking/ass grabbing | them chains are staying on girlfriend | dom but bottom!johnny (like she’s fucking him) | spitting/spit play (sorry not sorry) | pet names | scratching | protected sex | gagging/choking on fingers | controlled orgasm | light obedience play | cum shots | the cheesy ending we all deserve | i think that’s all... enjoy!!
⇝ author’s note: Happy Birthday to my sis Beezy @hobeemin !! I love you and I wanted to write you something for your birthday. I did not expect it to get this filthy because I just cannot write Johnny in this way but the minute I thought about this look… I knew it was the one. Anyway, I hope you like it! I wrote it with love.
⇝ playlist: Rodeo by Juvenile | Handstand by French Montana, Doja Cat, & Saweetie | Distraction by Kehlani
masterlist | join my permanent tag list? | mail box | read on ao3 | banner credits
“She is so going to fall. How many seconds are you giving her?”
Johnny leans against the railing, glancing at your assistant as he ponders in his thoughts.
“I give her about two seconds.”
“Bullshit. Both of you are going to be buying me lunch when this is over,” you chime in.
The two men share a laugh, and the rest of the staff join in as they prepare to watch you fail. Your eyes shift to Johnny when the lights reflect off the diamond-encrusted plate temporarily attached to his front bottom row of teeth. His tongue rolls over his top lip before he bites his lip absentmindedly, watching you as attentively as you are him. It’s a distraction you cannot indulge in due to the multiple people around you and the sudden jerk your body feels when the bull begins to move.
“Thirty seconds, motherfuckers! Pay attention.”
Your thighs clench, and you put on your game face, letting the snickers and side comments travel through your ears and disappear into the air. Your dominant hand holds on with all its strength while your other hand extends outward. You’re devoted to staying balanced because that’s going to be the key to lasting the entire time.
“Look at her only using one hand,” your assistant comments.
“That’s all I need.”
You hear Johnny fake a cough after your reply, and you squint your eyes at him just before the bull begins to spin. The ride starts to get rough quickly but you hang in there. Thirty seconds feel like hours when you’re being tossed around. Once you have a strong grip and a feel of what the bull can do, you’re about fifteen seconds in and ready to knock them out.
For show, you arch your back and smile at the people filming on their phones. The teasing is replaced with praises as everyone starts cheering you on. Everyone except one, who’s looking on with an unreadable expression.
Suddenly, the ride switches gears, and you almost slip off. You struggle as you’re leaning toward one side, and you almost allow yourself to fall, forfeiting the last few seconds before a voice sways your decision.
“Keep going, baby girl.”
You don’t even need to look to know who it belongs to. A switch flips on, and you regain control. The countdown begins, and your burning muscles work overtime to keep you on the bull. When time’s up, you make a victorious but not-so-graceful landing.
You lie there relishing in the cheers, but when your eyes open, you only want to see one person’s smile. However, he’s nowhere in sight. You get and dust yourself off before climbing out of the ring, receiving nothing but high-fives as you descend the stairs.
“Let’s go celebrate girl! You did that shit,” someone calls out.
You agree, but only to get them off your back while you seek out the man you’ve been waiting to talk to all day. “Yeah, I’m just going to go grab my stuff, and I’ll be back.”
It’s partly the truth.
You will be back, but your purse is in the sprinter, on the other side of the set.
Still, you make your way past several trailers, looking for the one belonging to the star of the music video. Unfortunately, every trailer looks the same, and you can only pinpoint a general area of where he is.
As you peek into one trailer’s window, the door to the one behind you opens. When you turn around, you see Johnny standing on the threshold, wearing one of his signature smirks.
“Looking for someone?” he questions.
“Maybe.”
Johnny nods, his cowboy hat still covering his dark eyes. He’s probably waiting for the stylists to undress him since there’s one more shoot tomorrow, but since you’re here, you might be able to help with that.
“I see you don’t have time for me today. But it’s cool.”
You roll your eyes. He knows he can’t let himself get jealous; it’s too risky.
The first time was supposed to be the last time, but a year later you still can’t keep your hands off each other. The industry isn’t kind to artists who sleep with their managers. No one wants to work with them out of fear of messy situations. The things you do to each other must remain a secret if you want it all to last. However, some days are more difficult than others.
“Whatever. I’m going to lunch,” you sigh. “Do you want anything?”
You start walking away before he responds, and once you’re about three feet away, something flies over your head and you feel it tighten around your midsection.
“What the–”
You look down and notice that you’re caught up in a rope. Before you can ask any questions, you’re pulled back until you run into something, or someone.
“You aren’t the only one who’s learned some tricks.”
Johnny spins you around, making you face him.
“Don’t be like that. You know I like teasing you,” he reasons, but you don’t want to hear it.
He knows you’re sensitive about this stuff, seeing many of your colleagues' reputations ruined for the same thing you’re doing with him.
“It’s not funny, though.”
Noticing the small pout on your lips, Johnny gives the rope enough slack for it to fall and he pulls you in for a hug. His chin rests on your forehead, keeping an eye out for anyone and listening carefully for footsteps.
“You’re so worrisome,” he sighs, caressing your back. “I was just trying to have a little fun with you.”
“Fuck off,” you murmur into his jacket.
Your cheek presses against his bare pecs, and you find comfort in the warmth of his sun-kissed skin.
“Woah. You’re so mean. I just figured since you liked riding that bull so much, maybe you’d want to go for a real ride.”
Your head lifts and moves away from his chest so you can look at him. “What?”
“Oh, now I have your attention, hm?”
His smirk grows into a smile and reveals his mouthpiece. It shines even brighter when he takes off his hat and places it on your head. Johnny gestures towards his trailer and winks at you.
“Let’s get it, cowgirl.”
Seated on Johnny’s lap, your hand grasps the gold links around his neck while you grind against him. Both of you panting and sweating, the world doesn’t even exist at this moment.
“So good for me,” he growls. “How am I supposed to leave you alone?”
His nails dig into your flesh as he holds your globes within his grasp, wanting to be as close to you as he physically can.
“You don’t. Problem solved.”
You start to move more swiftly, feeling a familiar sensation creeping inside your gut. Johnny’s dick enters your womb each time you land on his hips, leaving you gasping and moaning louder than you should be.
“Yeah? So that means you’re mine, right?”
“Fuck. Johnny.”
The way his lips curl into a grin when you cry his name leaves you shivering and begging him.
For what, is unclear to you, but all you know is that you want him badly.
“Yeah, you’re mine,” he states confidently. “Open your mouth.”
He’s right about that. You are.
Whatever he wants, he gets it—because he never holds back when pleasing you.
Your lips part enough for you to stick out your tongue. He wastes no time shoving his fingers deep inside and spitting into your crevice. Two of his digits push his saliva deep into your throat, making you gag around them. You stare at him through your watery eyes, your damp lashes, and fresh tears blurring your vision. However, you can still make out the pleased expression on his face.
You purposely clench around him, and his hips buck off the couch. Johnny then grabs your waist, halting your movements while he speaks.
“I see how you wanna play. Turn around.” You lift yourself slightly, keeping him inside while you turn in the opposite direction. As you find the right position, Johnny slaps your ass, making you squeak in surprise. He kneads the flesh tenderly, giving it a firm but gentle squeeze of appreciation. “Let’s see how long you can stay on this ride.”
As soon as you start to ride his cock, Johnny begins to thrust into you, nearly bouncing you off of his lap. His toned thighs make it difficult for you to control the pace, but with a hand holding onto his leg, you’re saved from falling on the floor.
Once you’ve gotten accustomed to the way he’s slamming into you, you’re able to regain control. You arch your back and place your free hand on top of his hat sitting on your head. The sounds that begin to leave your lips become feral, and you can hear Johnny’s grunts turn into moans and gasps. He’s close, and so are you. You decide to make the last seconds count.
“You feel so good,” you purr. “Do I feel good, Johnny?”
He throws back his head and whispers a few expletives.
“You feel like heaven, baby. You already know.”
You whimper in response, his deep voice soothing to your ears.
“So wet, so tight. You know how much I love this pussy.”
“Fuck!”
“What’s wrong? Need to come?” he quizzes.
“Can I? Please.”
Your raspy cries fill the room just like the lewd noises produced by your arousal squelching between your thighs. Johnny ceases his movements and allows you to chase your own release while he watches in awe. He holds your waist to support you and guide you because your body is moving faster than your mind can keep up with.
“Get you one, cowgirl. You deserve it.”
When those words leave his lips, your sense of reality disappears. Everything grows white, and you have no control over your body. Your orgasm takes your breath away, leaving you struggling to catch your breath. A shockwave ripples through you, and the sensation is intoxicating.
You can hear Johnny’s groans as he tries to hold on, but the warm feeling of your walls pulsing around his cock is almost unbearable. His cock twitches inside of you as you ride out your high, but he hangs on until you’re flopping forward on your face.
Johnny quickly gets up, and removes the condom, so he can shoot his load all over your ass. Hot ropes of his cum paint your skin, but you’re too out of it to complain about being sticky.
“Are you okay, baby?”
You sigh. “I am.”
“Alright, well you should probably–”
Johnny's phone rings, and he walks across the room to check it. He answers it and puts it on speaker, so you assume it’s important.
“Yeah?”
Fuck. It’s your assistant looking for you.
“She’s in my trailer,” Johnny explains.
You immediately sit up and look at him with wide eyes. Why would he say that?
“She’s embarrassed because she got sick from that bull ride. You’ll have to take lunch without her.”
You exhale and relax your body, sinking into the couch.
“That was too close,” you whisper.
Johnny throws you a wink, and you respond with a small smile. They’d probably have a million questions had he not thought of that response so quickly.
“Yeah, she’s going to get back to the hotel in the sprinter with me, but I’ll make sure she’s okay.”
When the call ends, Johnny joins you on the couch. He wipes the cum off of your skin and tosses the shirt on the floor before he speaks.
“So,” he begins. You turn so you can see his face. “We have the rest of the day together. What are we doing?”
You shrug.
“I don’t know. Maybe we can…”
You grab his arm and pull him on top of you. Your lips graze his ear, and he shudders.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
Smirking, your fingers dance up his biceps.
“Maybe we can take a nap?”
“Now, that’s hot.”
“I know, right?” you giggle.
When silence takes over, you play in Johnny’s hair as he hums.
“You think they’ll notice if that hat goes missing?”
His question makes you roll your eyes.
“I fucking hate you sometimes,” you respond. “But, no. They have several because they know how you are.”
You return to twirling his strands between your fingers, enjoying the post-orgasm quality time until he ruins it once again.
“Good. I wonder if it’ll stay on while I’m fucking you from the back.”
Honestly, as long as he shows you what other trick he’s learned with that rope, he can do anything he wants with you.
#johnny smut#johnny x reader#nct smut#nct x reader#nct 127 smut#nct fanfics#johnny fanfics#thekpopuniverse#kvanity#nct 127 x reader#johnny suh smut#fic: rodeo#fromthebabe
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FINAL EPISODE AHHHHHHHH
LETS GET IT
HANSEO BABY BOY GET JT LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR COURAGE
): I knew it was gonna happen but I'm still sad. OH HE COUNTED
DEADPOOL WAS RIGHT ALWAYS COUNT YOUR SHOTS
HE KNEW IT WAS THE LAST ONE AND TOOK IT
Put pressure motherfucker
NO DONT ASK LIKE TNAT DONT BE SWEET I CANT TAKE THIS IM SO SAD
Hanseo nooooo nononononono you didn't deserve it.
We have about 20 minutes of killing junwoo and then I need the remaining hour of wrap up
I need tooth rotting domestic fluff Mafia man and his family gang.
She took the shot for him. He's not leaving Korea.
Also can we talk about how Chayoung and Hanseo really exemplify Vincenzo? They both changed for the better, in different ways, because of him and in taking after him.
Chayoung became strong, fearless, resolute. A little bit evil, still, but being a better person was her father's doing- not vincenzo.
Hanseo also got strong, but more importantly he got confident in himself. Found his own set of morals, got smarter, and built his self esteem to find what made him happy and secure. He was willing to sacrifice himself not because he felt like he was obligated by a worse fate, but because he wanted to do right and stand up to his brother.
No I don't have feelings, just that I have nothing but feelings.
Actually everyone around vincenzo gained self confidence, really.
HAIR PATS IM GONNA CRY
This is a more compelling romance than 90% or all other media lmao, but then I'm a slut for slow burn kind of shut.
Now it's proper spy movie shit.
ET TU, BRUTE
Oooooh that cine.atic bleeding down the steps is a nice touch.
Nobody in Korea renders first aid apparently lol. Nobody is putting pressure on wounds at all
Oh fuck now she's said that he's gonna die at the end. Mutually assured destruction. No happy endings I feel it.
Why does she have bodyguards that didn't clear the apartment first this can't be baby's first rodeo lmao
He must spend a lot on lighters.
God the slow look is so fuckin scary. A+
NOT MR LEE
HE HAS A BABY ON THE WAY
NO I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS. OW YOU HAVE TO STAY IF YOURE A GODFATHER RJGHT. HES GOTTA STAY ALIVE TKK. DONT TOU DARE KILL HIM OFF TOU FUCKERS. TAKE THE GANGSTER
If he wakes up while you're driving yall both going down
Ope he woke up tied down. How we doin this gucciboy
Hanseo to the rescue at the very end
Ph damn that's slme torture shjt.
Oooo he beggin lmao bitchass if you could have bartered you missed your timeliness my man.
Goddamn cold and alone like that is savage.
Don't leave like that vincenzo. You gotta stay for the bae
Lmao nevermind she did it for you. Shot up arm and all
That's not a kiss. We want kisses. I have paid 20 hours of slow burn. Give me the goods.
SHE TOOK A BULLET FOR YOU STAY A D GIVE THE WOMAN A KISS
Oh shit is he gonna survive it
Oh shit
I hear footsteps
Lol nvm he's bird feed
Is he sending her gifts
What happened to the gold
GOD BLESS A BAD BITCH. FAMILY CASSANO STILL LOOKING STELLAR
She's her own little mob boss
Lmao I forgot about the tae ho shit
What a fucking call back
YES GOOD
Kisses u motherfucker do it. After that cheesy fuckim line
KISSES THA K YOU
Legit the most believable kiss I've seen in a kdrama lmao
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Show Pony
Chapter one - Big Sky
Also on Ao3
Billy doesn’t give a fuck about the rodeo.
He doesn’t care about country music, or fancy horse riding, or the beauty queens, even the bull riders.
What he does give a fuck about it not being in his house today.
Not when his dad was obviously itching to pick a fight. Not when Max gave him such an easy out over breakfast.
“I saw a flyer for a rodeo. I think it’d be kinda neat.”
It was in town for four more weeks.
And Billy could tell the second he and Max bought tickets, he was about to be spending more time than he ever fuckin’ thought he would spend at a rodeo.
He based that on the way Max’s eyes lit up the second she stepped inside the big fairgrounds.
Not knowing that he was right. He was about to spend a lot of time at the rodeo.
But not for Max.
For himself.
And a pretty horse rider named Steve.
He didn’t see Steve that first day.
Was too busy shelling out his own hard-earned cash to buy Max sugary funnel cakes. Sitting next to her watching the poor suckers get bucked off their pissed-off bull.
But when Max was in the car she turned to him, the sun setting outside, eyes as wide as dinner plates.
“Can we come back tomorrow?”
And the tickets were dirt cheap. And Billy hates being at home.
So they did.
And they watched the rodeo queens.
And the team-roping.
But it wasn’t until the calf roping that Billy felt his heart sink.
Because he thinks Steve Harrington might be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.
Tall and broad, smiling like sunshine at his gorgeous black quarter horse, patting her strong neck and leading her to the entry point of the arena.
His name was loudly announced after the event name.
Calf roping, with our very own Steve Harrington! Steve will navigate his beautiful June into the arena, trying to rope and tie down a calf as quickly as possible!
Billy had tuned out everything but his name.
Leaning forward on his bench seat to watch him lead June up to the starting line, give her a few more pats before swinging one leg up, heaving himself up and over her back, settling into the saddle with a grace Billy doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to describe.
Steve appeared to shake himself out, leaning forward over June’s neck to speak quietly to the sleek horse, wiggling his hips a bit in the saddle.
And then he sat back up, readying himself and waiting for the countdown.
He was off like a fucking shot.
Billy’s never seen anything fucking like it.
June kicked up dirt as she thundered through the arena behind a small herd of a few calves, Steve ducked low against her neck as he led her forward, his lips moving as he spoke quietly to her, egging her on and forward. He was clinging to her for dear life, his legs straining as he was tossed up and down in the saddle.
And then he let go of her reins, one hand reaching for the rope on his belt.
And it was the most hick shit he’s ever seen.
This flannel-wearing cowboy on his perfect fucking horse, roping a baby fucking cow.
He slipped the knot around it from his perch on the moving horse, lassoing it easily like that was a common skill, and with a fluid practiced movement, he tossed himself off the slowing horse, getting on one knee to tip over the calf and tie it up like it was second nature.
And maybe it was. Performing in a show like this.
That’s all it was, a performance. Practiced and rehearsed over and over for Steve and June.
It was over in a blink, Steve tossing his hands up to show he was finished, and the calf didn’t break its bonds.
The whistle blew and Steve’s time was read to the arena. Nine seconds. And apparently, nine seconds was a good time, judging by the way Steve’s raised his fists in the air, and patted June’s neck so gently.
He mounted back on his gorgeous horse as the calf he had roped was released by a few of the rodeo workers and the next guy took his position at the starting line.
Steve did a lap around the arena of June’s back, smiling and waving to the crowd.
And maybe Billy just has an overactive imagination.
Maybe his stupid gay brain was looking for something not there.
But he could’ve sworn he saw Steve grin just a little bit brighter in his direction.
There were a few riders after him. Competing to earn a faster score on the same track.
But Billy didn’t give a fuck about calf roping if he wasn’t watching Steve and June.
The sun was setting as Billy finally led Max out of the fairgrounds, one hand on the top of her head, steering her towards the Camaro.
“So, you think we can come back next weekend” Max was giving him a big shit-eating grin, powdered sugar all done her front from the final funnel cake Billy had shelled out to buy her.
“Don’t see why not. Get’s us outta the fuckin’ house, don’t it.”
“Plus, there are lots of good-looking cowboys, just everywhere. Did you see the guy doing the cattle roping, or whatever? He was cute .” Billy rolled his eyes. Max was just touching the age when she stopped thinking of boys as gross, saw them as cute, and whatever else she said. It also made her realize that having a gay brother apparently meant talking about nothing but boys. It made Billy wanna slam his head into the steering wheel. He grunted in response as she kept going on and on about Steve.
Like Billy didn’t see the way his thighs gripped the sides of his horse, like he didn’t watch as he hurled himself off June to tie up the fucking calf. Like he didn’t watch him take that fucking victory lap, shit-eating grin looking like home on his pretty fucking face.
“You gotta carry your own weight, you know that, right Shitbird? I’m talking, pay for your own damn fried shit.” He bets Susan would give him money for tickets if he acts real nice this week.
He can’t blow all his savings at the fucking rodeo of all things this summer. He’s got plans for the wad of cash burning a hole in the shoebox in the back of his closet.
Max huffed at him.
“What am I supposed to do? Get a job? I’m thirteen .”
“So? Babysit or some shit. Rob an ATM. Fuck if I care. Just quit stealing all ‘a my goddamn cash for your fuckin’ funnel cakes .”
“You’re just pissed off because you didn’t try one. They’re the best. You gotta have one next week.”
“I, unlike you, care about what I put in my body.”
“Yeah, because cigarettes and beer are so much better than fried dough .”
“Whatever.” The truth is, Billy’s gotta watch what he eats. Max didn’t know him when he was prepubescent and chubby. He can’t be sitting there shoving funnel cakes in his mouth and not expect it to all go to his gut. Not like her. There’s not an ounce of fucking baby fat on her. She’s positively scrawny. If anything, the funnel cake might help her out a bit.
“Yeah, whatever .” She huffed, slumping back in her passenger seat. “But can we come back?”
“Fuck, if you keep askin’ me, the answer’s no .”
She huffed again. She does that a whole lot when they talk.
“Don’t act like you didn’t like it. I saw the way you were watching Steve race. You were practically drooling .”
Billy clenched his jaw.
“Was not .”
“Was too .”
And Max had a knack of leading Billy into moments like this, childish little arguments that made him feel kinda weird inside. Made him feel kinda warm at how sibling it was. Like they hadn’t been forced together just a few years ago.
For all his bitching, he really did like the little spit. If he didn’t, he’d be a bigger asshole than she’s always accusing him of being.
“You don’t even know what I look like when I’m really eyeing a boy, if you think that was it. Just, you know. Respected his riding.”
“ Respected his riding. Yeah ‘cause you wish he was riding-”
“Finish that sentence and I’m pushing you out of the fucking car.”
“I’m right, though.”
Billy just reached forward to turn up the radio, letting Dee Snider drown out any other awful shit Max wanted to say to him.
Which was probably showing his hand too much. No direct answer pretty much means affirmative when it comes to Billy. And yeah, Max knows that. Judging by the way she’s cackling like a goddamn gremlin over the sound of the music.
He just pressed his foot down further on the gas pedal, letting them fly down the highway.
And he thought about Steve and June, thought about how fast Steve could press that girl to go. Thought about him leaning forward, flattening himself to the horse’s neck, gripping onto the reins and urging her forward, urging her faster.
And if he thought about those strong legs wrapped around him, if he thought about what Max was about to say, Steve riding Billy like he would that fucking horse, his hips flexing as he bounces up and down, well, that’s his business.
And the next Saturday, Susan slid him a crisp twenty-dollar bill to buy Max some lunch at the rodeo.
They took it more seriously this time, bringing water bottles, and Max slathering thick white sunscreen on her freckled skin.
Billy even wore shorts, some old jeans he sacrificed to the summer gods when he wore holes in the thighs and chopped pretty much in half.
And it was kinda fun.
He knew what to expect now. Knew the barrel racing was all women, all beautiful horses winding their way along clover-shaped tracks. He knew that the bull riding was a little more fun to watch with a shot in him, and that his fake i.d. could get him an alcohol wristband from the tent at the front.
Max sneered at him when he bought himself a beer later in the day.
“Uh, you know you have to drive me home, right? Like, and not crash your stupid car on the way home.”
“Fuck off. It’s one beer.”
“And also that shot earlier, and I know you have a flask.”
“Okay, what are you, the cops? I’m just tryna enjoy myself in this blistering fucking heat. I don’t exactly get my rocks off to any of this shit.” Which is a lie. He’s totally sold on every stupid fucking event at the motherfucking rodeo.
“Fine. You wanna get stupid and drunk? Then you have to take me to the pageant. I wanna watch it.”
“Since fucking when do you give a shit about the pageant .” Max glared at him. Her nose was beginning to get red.
Maybe if Billy were less of a shithead he would tell her to put some sunscreen on. But she was really testing his patience today.
And then her eyes went huge, and her jaw went slack, and Billy was just about to tell her to close it and quit lookin’ like a dead fuckin’ fish when he heard someone cough slightly behind him.
And when he turned, he almost made the exact same stupid dead fish face as Max.
Because gorgeous cowboy Steve was standing right in front of him. In another cracker of a flannel shirt, stupid blue jeans, and fucking cowboy boots, because yeah. He’s a goddamn hick that rides a horse and ties up calves in a traveling rodeo for a fucking living.
And God save Billy, because hot damn.
Steve had an easy smile on his face, a little bit lopsided, and perfect white teeth showing between perfect pink lips.
“Hey there.”
“Howdy,” Billy responded before he could stop himself, his face burning up.
He was hoping he was already sweaty enough Steve wouldn’t notice the flush.
But thankfully, Steve’s smile went wider, and he laughed, this gorgeous bright laugh, his head tossing back, and that thick hair flowing easily.
He had gold streaks in his hair, lighter browns tussled within the darker colors. Billy wondered if they were natural, days spent out in the sun on his horse. Part of him hoped they weren’t. Part of him hoped that Steve was that intentional with himself and his goddamn hair.
He smiled at Billy.
“I’m Steve.”
“We saw you. Last weekend,” Max blurted out before Billy could kick her. She looked shocked that she had even spoken when Billy turned to give her a death glare. But Steve just laughed his gorgeous laugh again.
“And what’d you think?”
“She wouldn’t shut up about you on the way home.” And Steve was back to looking at Billy, and his eyes are so fucking big, like, who’s eyes are just. Like that. Just fuckin’. Big.
“And what about you, uh-”
“Billy. And this is Max. My sister.”
“Well, Billy,” and fuck Billy nearly creamed himself at the sound of Steve saying his name. “Did you like my display of talents ?”
“Could say so. I don’t give too many shits about all this hick farm stuff. But I can respect it.”
“Well, that’s alright then.” And Steve reached out to pat Billy once on the shoulder. “I hope I see y’all around. I gotta head off, June needs some TLC before our time.” He smiled at Max, and her already red face flushed deeper, almost blending into the roots of her flaming hair.
And then he doubled back.
“You know what, I forgot why I came over here in the first place.” He was digging through his jeans, rummaging around in his back pockets.
Billy wanted to slide his hands in there, cop a feel while he helped Steve look for whatever he was going to offer Billy.
And then Steve brought out two white wristbands.
“They’re for, uh, VIP seating and stuff. If you’re interested. Gets you closer to the arena. That way I can just see what you look like after I’m comin’ off a ride.”
Hoo boy.
This little cowboy has some fucking charm.
And he knows it too, judging by his smug little half-smile he gave Billy while he fastened the wristband around his wrist.
He helped Max with hers, doing it faster than he had Billy’s, and with a lot less eye contact, which was a good sign. He’s not perving on his twelve-year-old sister. Which is cool.
And then he was looking back at Billy, and brushing his long fingers over the tops of Billy’s shoulders, his arms out in his shirt, the arms torn off an old Aerosmith t-shirt he found at the Goodwill last year.
“You should reapply sunblock. Don’t want you burning now.” And Billy’s sure if Steve was wearing a Stetson, he woulda tipped it at them. “Enjoy the pageant.”
And he was off, and Christ, those jeans. How did Steve even successfully ride his horse in those things? They were so tight, showed off his nice peachy ass as he walked through the fairgrounds.
“Wow,” Max said. And yeah, Billy felt the same.
“In case it wasn’t clear, based on the way he was flirting with me, and also that he’s way too old for you, but, uh, dibs .”
“Billy, you can’t just call dibs on a person.” Billy just laughed.
He knows that his twelve-year-old fucking sister doesn’t have a shot in Hell with Steve. Really, he doubts he even has a shot in Hell with Steve, but he also likes to spend his time making her life as difficult as possible without actually being a shitty person. So, he just riles her up. Says shit that’ll get her going. He wouldn’t be doing his brotherly duties if he didn’t say that shit.
Max calls it even by kicking him in the shin twice and making him watch the stupid beauty pageant.
Which, like, why the fuck are there beauty pageants at the rodeo anyway?
Turns out it wasn’t pageant at all, but the four previous Miss Rodeo’s all lined up and looking far too glammed out for this fucking heat.
Max faked being disgruntled by the disappointment, but Billy knows, somewhere inside that tough bitch little soul of hers, she’s glad she didn’t have to sit through a goddamn pageant just to make Billy miserable.
Besides, Billy had whipped out his flask a few times, and he was feeling alright. Just buzzed enough that the heat had stopped making him feel quite so disgusting.
But not too drunk to miss calf roping.
And yeah, maybe it was a little bit lame to make their way over to the VIP seating earlier enough that they scored the front row. But when Steve came trotting out, leading June behind him, Billy was close enough he could pick out the cluster of moles on Steve’s left cheek.
So, lame was not in Billy’s vocabulary today.
It was pretty much the same thing as last week. Steve made everyone in the arena ooh and aah with his riding, tied up the calf in less than ten seconds once again.
But this time, when he took that jaunty little lap around the small arena, Billy knows for a fact Steve grinned at him. Knows his stupid gay brain wasn’t making up the wink he tossed effortlessly in Billy’s direction.
And they left, just like last weekend, as the sun was beginning to sink below the horizon.
“Just, c’mon. Mom gave you money .” Max was whining for a corn dog, of all things. When they have perfectly good, not fried food, at home.
“Maxine, I swear to Christ, I’m fucking tired. Let’s go home so I can crash, and you can fucking drive Susan up the goddamn wall with your whining.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem too bad.” And Billy felt his insides curdling at that voice, felt himself wilting and shriveling because he would not be getting out of this day without one final, no doubt embarrassing, encounter with his gorgeous cowboy.
Steve was leaning against a booth selling chili fries, looking like a perfect picture of a Clint Eastwood movie.
Billy had never liked westerns.
But he was gonna go home and spend all night watching every one he could get his grubby little hands on.
Steve pushed off the side of the booth as Max found her words again.
“You don’t have to live with him.”
“And you don’t have to live with my folks. I’d trade you any day.”
And Billy nearly died. Right there. On the spot. Because. Holy shit. I’d trade you any day.
Billy was more than happy to follow this fucking hick around America, watch him ride his pretty horse before fucking him against the stable wall.
Or whatever. Do they have stables? Billy doesn’t know how a traveling rodeo works.
But like, they’ve gotta have stables, right?
“Nah, you’d get sick of him. He stinks.”
“Have you ever smelled horse shit? Because that’s the fragrance I wake up to every morning.”
And Max was laughing, and Steve was laughing, and Billy was trying to keep his hands as casually as possible in front of his slight chub.
“Will I get the privilege of seeing you two again?” And what a way to word it? The privilege. And then Steve was looking Billy up and down, and he was biting that perfect bottom lip and opening his mouth and “I could always give you my phone number. So we can. Meet up. Next time you’re here.”
“‘Course. You can give us the grand tour.”
And Steve was digging in those tight back pockets again, and shoving his phone into Billy’s hand, and he doesn’t have a passcode, but his home screen was a picture of him and his fucking horse which is, just about the sweetest thing Billy’s ever seen.
And Billy put himself in as Billy Hargrove , and then panicked because Steve doesn’t know his fucking last name. So he settled for Billy and then for good measure shoved San Diego after it because. Billy’s a common name, okay?
And Steve took his non-password protected fuckin’ horse girl phone, and Billy was giving him as charming a smile as he could muster with sweat on his upper lip and saying-
“You better text me, Pretty Boy. So I can save your number.” Billy shrugged, looking off to his left to try and seem. Nonchalant. “In case I wanna see you again.”
And Max was rolling her eyes, but she wasn’t stopping away. Wasn’t even whining at Billy, no doubt on her best behavior in front of hot cowboy Steve.
But Steve had a glint in his eye, and if Max wasn’t here Billy would be playing this all different, laying on the charm a lot thicker than he was.
But he can’t be a horny bastard in front of her. That’s just, like, gross.
So he settles for making a real show of licking his bottom lip, and maybe flexing his bare arms just a tiny bit.
“We should probably get goin’. Got a curfew for this one,” Billy jerked his head in Max’s direction. She huffed before she could stop herself. “See you around, Cowboy Steve.”
And Steve gave another one of his pretty ringing laughs.
“Come again soon, Billy and Max.” And again, Billy’s sure that if Steve were wearing a hat, he would’ve flicked the brim at them as he set off back into the rodeo, dodgin off the main thoroughfare.
“Wow. That was embarrassing for you.”
Billy whipped his head around to stare at Max, giving her the most disgusted look he could muster.
“The fuck you mean?”
“You were so obvious.”
“That’s the fucking point . We were flirting. It’s supposed to be obvious, you demon.” Billy shoved her once before stomping in the direction of the parking lot.
“Yeah but you were like, making these faces at him.”
“Shut the fuck up. I know what I was doing, okay? It was all very calculated . Let him know I’m down for it, and if he texts, then I’m good to go. If not, then I move on.”
And the thought of Steve not texting was kinda, disappointing. Because Billy really wanted him to text. He wanted to stay up late giggling at his phone and the dumb things Steve texts him and pretend they don’t make him flush like a fucking school girl.
He pointedly didn’t look at his notification when he reached the car, just shoved an old tape in and turned up Black Sabbath when Max wrinkled her nose at it.
They were both quiet on the drive back home. Something heavy unsaid between them.
And only as Billy was pulling into his spot in the driveway did Max suck in a big breath to actually put it out there.
“I won’t tell. About him. Not even Mom. Not even that I think he’s cool.”
“Thanks. Easier just to. Avoid at all costs.”
And if Billy were a better person, maybe he would hug her or something.
But they don’t do that. Instead he sighed and didn’t hip check her violently off the porch like his instincts were telling him. So really, he’s a fucking saint.
#yikes writes#rodeo au#show pony#steve harrington#billy harringrove#steve harringrove#thought i'd make a proper post with the story for ppl that wanted to read it here#i'm very proud of it!!#please read it!!
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keeping pace | jjk
pairing; jeon jungkook x reader
genre; western, crime, fluff, humor, angst
rating; nc17
warnings; swearings, mention of guns, mention of jail,
word count; 1.7k
summary; y/n thought that she was going to make an interview with an ex-criminal, but she learns that he is not an ex-criminal,,
a/n; This is part of the Bangtan Rodeo Drabble Game hosting by @hobiance ♡
a/n2; i hope it’s good for you guys, and you can have fun while reading it!! feedbacks are always appreciated, love y’all ♡ ♡
@minloop-main i’m so sorry for being this late, but hope it’s good enough for you, baby. thank you for requesting it!! ♡
''Let me confess this Mr. Jeon, I didn't think that we would do this on the road, but I guess I can keep pace with this,'' you let out a sigh after finishing your word, eying the man's face who sits in front of you. You didn't know what did you expect from him as a response, maybe a small nod or even a smile? Rather than your expectations, Mr. Jeon stays still, not moving a muscle on his face.
''Okay... So I guess we can start?'' you ask, preparing your paper and pen to note everything he says, but as the dead silence takes over the hansom, it wouldn't be so hard for you to take note everything he says, you think. Mr. Jeon didn't talk much unless he has to. He only asked your name, and if it's okay for you to do this in another place than his office.
You simply said yes because you kinda feel scared around him, as he wasn't the safest man to be around. Regret starts to fill in you with each minute you spend with him. Your boss didn't pay enough to you for throwing yourself in front of a bunch of outlaws. And, you mean it, it wasn't an exaggeration. This man who sits beside you has a lot of criminal records, and you came here to make an interview with him. You did need money to live.
''What's your motivation to commit crimes?'' your forehead creased immediately after the question you just ask. You hesitate to look at the man's face, bet he did think that you were an idiot, just like you. You cursed your boss under your breath, as he gave you these questions for the interview. And, you could understand that they were just a bunch of stupid questions, as the first one gives you the hint.
''I don't have a 'motivation'. I just do.''
He makes a quotation mark with his fingers on the air, and you want to be crushed by the horse who helps to ride this hansom. His gaze now locked on you, waiting for you to ask another stupid question that would probably annoy him.
''Do you ever regret what you did on the past?'' you hear his loud sigh, he moves on his place to get close to you, and you let yourself to meet with his gaze.
His big brown eyes made him look more frightening under his long black hair. His muscular body made his shirt stick on his skin, and you couldn't help but think how attractive he looked. Compare to him and his threatening gaze you felt small, very small.
''I do not regret anything I did,'' you put your head down to write his answer, but your hand starts to shake due to the tension he spreads. You feel overwhelmed both because of how he looked so good and because of how he terrified you. It didn't make any sense how he manage to look this attractive, yet so vicious.
You prepared yourself for asking another question, but his new position stops you for a moment. When he changes his position, your legs trapped between his, and his face came closer to yours. So close that you could feel his breath while he speaks.
''Look, we both think that these questions are nothing but bosh, as I can understand how they made you sick after you asked them. So, why don't you ask me what are you curious about me?'' the corner of his mouth quirked up, scans your face to catch an emotion.
Well, he did have a point but that doesn't stop your heart to go crazy in your chest, hammering your ribs. You were unsure about joining him on this, you feel too anxious to say anything.
His fingers find your chin after you open your mouth to shut it immediately, caring with his thumb.
''You do want to ask me something, yeah?'' his smooth words confuses your mind while his hot breath hits your face, then your neck.
You open your mouth once again to ask what is wandering in your mind, but the hansom stops suddenly, and your body pushed to him without your permission. He holds you steady on his lap, while you were too busy to smell him, a pinch of vanilla fills in your nostrils, and you hold your head up to meet his eyes.
You find yourself eying his pink, thick lips. The same lips now getting closer to yours. For a second, you feel that time has slow down, and contrary to your heart, you could feel the alarm on your mind, beating loudly to warn you what is going to happen, and how this shouldn't happen.
''JK, it's on.''
To your sake, the door opens abruptly to spare you two. The man who opens the door, stare you two with a teasing smirk, while you try to adjust your clothes, and ignore the meaning of his smirk. You need to ignore it to not to lose your self-esteem.
''You can't find your answer with talking, baby. You need to see me while working.'' he gives you a quick smile before jumping off from the car, holding his hand up to you.
Your gaze shifts between his face and his hand, before you hold his hand doubtfully.
''What is that mean?'' you ask while he helps you to get off of the car. He starts to walk, and so do you.
''We don't have time to explain it, girl.'' the other man addresses you, and you look at him. Your hands tighten around Jungkook's arm. It was something stupid to feel, but the other man terrified you more than Jungkook and for some reason, you felt safer around him. Maybe this was because of the time you spend with him on the ride, but still, you didn't know him better than the other terrifying man, who is shorter than Jungkook.
You couldn't understand what was happening, but your blood starts to boil in your veins after you see that you were walking towards the bank. You start to pray that this was some sort of a joke or a coincidence, but deep down you know that it wasn't a coincidence.
You try to stop from going inside, but his hand placed on your waist, and it was too late to go back.
''Write these on your notepad,'' he winks at you before taking the last step to enter the bank.
He places you to the corner of the bank, where you could easily see everything that happens, and you stayed there like a statue. You feel too powerless to move a muscle, besides you feel terrified of what was happening.
''This is a robbery, put your hands up!''
You watched them while they robbing the bank, filling their sacks with money. You didn't know how they hide the guns from you, or you are the stupidest person who can't realize a gun.
In a minute, the robbery ended, and you feel a hand on your arm, who pulls you to exit. Your legs move without your permission, and you couldn't remember when did you get on the hansom once again.
''Why did we take her with us?'' the third man talks, referring you while placing the sack right beside you.
''He did want to learn if I'm regretting the thing I did in the past. I'm giving my answer.'' Junkook speaks, cathing your clouded gaze.
You wanted to punch him, punch him well on the nose, but you manage to hold your anger. What if they would do something to you? They were criminals, aren't they? And you were about to kiss this man. Ahh, fuck. Now, you wanted to punch yourself for being this stupid.
How could you get attracted to him?
''Are you fucking kidding me?'' you let out a scream, couldn't hold yourself from getting annoyed by his smile. ''You are all criminals and I'm with you now. What are you going to do to me? They told me that you were an OLD criminal. Oh, I'm gonna kill that motherfucker boss!''
''Hey, hey! Calm down. We are not going to do anything to you.'' Junkgook holds your arms to reassure you, but you want to kick him between on the leg even though his doe eyes looking you with sympathy.
''I'm serious you don't have to afraid of us. I'll drop you wherever you want.''
You scan him to catch a lie, but all you can find his sincere looks. You don't know why, or probably you shouldn't but you believe him.
''Sherriff would ask me questions,'' you said while crossing your arms above your chest, your eyes locked on him, not caring any other man on the hansom, also not caring how many they were.
''It is okay,'' his mouth twisted,
''I'll tell everything I see,'' it probably isn't the best idea to tell him that, but you wanted to tease, annoy him.
''You can get promotion after making this news.'' he mocked, and you feel the tension between you two. It was ridiculous but you did no longer afraid of him.
''I'll describe your looks,'' you try to go further, probably playing with fire.
''Tell how you turned on by mine,'' he teases with a big grin, and that was the last drop for you.
''Stop the car,'' you say with a direct tone, trying to hide your red cheeks and your embarrassment, but you failed doing that as every man on the hansom tries to hide their laughs.
The hansom stops immediately after they yell at the driver, and one of them opens the door for you. You jump on the ground, but part of you wants to stay on there, even though it's not possible.
''I had so much fun,'' he announces behind you, and you turn your face at him. ''And, I'm sure you had fun, too,'' his grin gets bigger, and you can't help but let a small smile.
''Have fun at the jail,'' you leered, waving your hand. He lets a laugh while closing the door, looking at you one last time.
''You'll come to see me, baby,'' he winks right before closing the door, leaving you on the street, with lots of dust at their back.
You couldn't believe his confidence, but you did think of visiting him. If he gets caught.
#bhqdrabbles#bangtanhq#heartsforbts#bangtanarmynet#goldenclosetnet#btsgoldnet#btswriterscollective#btswritingcafe#jungkook x reader#jungkook crime#jungkook angst#jeon jungkook#bts scenarios#dylanxmin
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Shizuka saunters out of Love Street hospital and begins stretching on the street in front. Starting first with her upper arms, then lacing her fingers in front of her and dipping low, touching her toes. After stretching her calves, heel to thigh, she’s completely loosened out, jogging on the spot cheerfully.
“You shouldn’t move around so much. SATURN BARZ mighta patched you up a little, but you still hurt.” Kilo says, stepping out of the doors behind her.
“I feel fine. Look!” Shizuka replies, then performs a cartwheel on the sidewalk, narrowly avoiding kicking a passerby in the head. “See? Never better!” The passerby shakes his head at her and storms around her, scowling at her and Kilo.
Kilo scowls back, and approaches her. “Alright, enough. Wasn’t my point, but whatever. Here.” He says, pulling something from his back pocket and handing it to her.
He drops it into her hands, and she sees it is a pearl-handled switchblade, confirmed when she presses the switch and the polished blade flicks into being. “Uh… thanks? ”
“You’re welcome.”
She regards the weapon skeptically. “Um… no offence Kilo, but, what do I need this for? I have ACHTUNG BABY. I have my moves. What’s a little knife going to add to that?”
“Well for one thing, it’ll do more damage against someone like Phantasma than bare fists,” he states bluntly, “did you know the doctors thought you’d been hit by a car at first? That little knife might not seem like much, but when your moves and ACHTUNG BABY can’t finish the job, it could save your life… Look, just take it, a’ight? If nothing else, it’ll give me some peace of mind.”
Shizuka looks at the knife again, turning it over in her hand. Then she flicks the blade away, and is about to say something to him when a black Cadillac limousine pulls up in front of them. The door clicks open and Jerome pops his head out. “Hey y’all! Ya boy’s come to pick you up!”
“Good to see ya, man,” Kilo greets him.
“C-King!” she cries, trotting over to him to embrace him. “It feels like forever since I last saw you! Thanks for coming, I was dying to get out of this hospital. I am so ready to get back to your mansion!”
“Ahaha...” Jerome laughs uncomfortably, patting her on the back and pulling away from the hug, “About that… That ain’t where we going.”
Shizuka noticeably deflates. “Whu… Why not…?”
“Yeah, what the hell? What’s wrong with your house?” Kilo asks, frowning.
“It’s still being repaired, that’s what’s wrong. You know? After that time a bunch of crazy motherfuckers tore it to pieces? Remember that shit?!”
Kilo grimaces briefly and looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. “…Wasn’t my fault.”
“Three people died on my property, mayn! I was a suspect in that shit! I nearly went to jail!”
“Oh, Jerome…!” Shizuka whines, “I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to come back on you.”
C-King’s smile returns. “Oh honey, I ain’t mad at you, that ain’t what I’m sayin’. Look, what happened happened, I’ll deal with it like I deals with everything else! I don’t blame you for what went down.”
“Oh! Well I-”
“I blame the lady-pig that led that crazy tattoo guy to my house.”
“I resent that,” Moya says, appearing next to Kilo. She too appears to have recovered from her injuries, though she is still clad in hospital garb. Kilo regards out of the corner of his eye.
“Hey hey, hold on!,” Jerome shouts, pointing at her, “I don’t know what you thinkin’, but this limo’s got room for three people! You ain’t invited!”
“I don’t want to get in your limo. I need to talk to Shizuka. You ought to hear this too Staples, all things considered.”
“What is it? Some new lead about T’onga Kim?” Kilo asks, crossing his arms.
“Something like that. It’s hardly a lead, more like a hunch… Phantasma’s death was not natural.”
“What?” Shizuka asks.
“Course it was unnatural. She didn’t die of a heart attack, it was a fuckin’ car crash,” Kilo declares, “It doesn’t get more unnatural than that. ”
“Not what I mean,” Moya declares back, “I mean it doesn’t make sense. How does a police vehicle suddenly lose control in broad daylight? There are too many details that don’t add up. I have a feeling that someone orchestrated that crash.”
“Orchestrated… You mean, an assassination? Then, the one who did it…?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have any proof. My gut just tells me something is wrong about all this.” She pauses here, and looks around, gauging their reactions. Kilo is inscrutable as ever under his stern masque, while Jerome is clearly clueless. Shizuka eyebrows turn up, an expression of worry. Moya sighs. “Look, I’m gonna settle up here for a while longer. Got reports to write, and I’m still chasing the investigation into Phantasma. I could be completely wrong, so all I’m saying is, look after each other. Keep both eyes open, and all that.”
“…That’s all you ever say,” Kilo says, rolling his eyes. “You gonna tell us to get out of town? Think we can’t handle shit?” Jerome snickers under his breath.
“Relax, Staples, I’m done with that. That one won me over,” she gestures to Shizuka. “I’ll be seeing you all soon enough.”
After a moment, Shizuka moves and lightly hugs her. “Thanks for everything, Moya. Take care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry about me, Shizuka Joestar,” she smiles. Shizuka releases her embrace and climbs into the back of the taxi. Kilo spares a sideways glance before following Shizuka.
“... You still ain’t getting in my limo!” Jerome shouts.
“I don’t want to!”
Jerome slides the door shut and the vehicle starts up, driving away from the hospital. Shizuka looks out of the window, watching her friend fade into the distance.
In the back of the taxi, Jerome and Kilo chat. Or rather, Jerome talks, and Kilo gives mostly monosyllabic answers to his queries and jibes. Shizuka keeps mostly quiet, lost in her own thoughts, and both men decide against disturbing her.
The cartwheel she performed earlier outside the hospital was a mistake. Dull, throbbing pain envelops her all over, pulsating like a heartbeat. She keeps up her smile, and laughs at Jerome’s jokes. Phantasma’s fists mark her all over, and for the first time since she arrived in Los Angeles, Shizuka truly believes she may be in over her head.
***
After about an hour in LA traffic, Jerome's limo pulls up into the parking lot of a hotel. Inglewood is the place to be for high-end Los Angeles hotels, and indeed they passed by several of them before finally arriving at their destination. It is not a large building, but it is a well kept one, with an air about it only found in old structures. Five American flags extend from the front of the stone brick facade, flapping lightly in a meagre breeze. though with no visible sign at the front.
“Oooooh…! It looks so classy!” Shizuka declares, pressing her face against the window to stare at it.
“Nice, right? Just had its grand opening a couple weeks ago. Sounded cool, but the funny thing is, I swear I heard about another hotel with the same name down on Rodeo Drive.”
“How good can it be?” Kilo says, “They forgot to put the name of the fucking place on the front. What’s it even called?”
Before Jerome can answer, the limo parks right at the entrance and the three get out. There are no other people coming inside, leaving the entrance surprisingly vacant. Jerome’s driver gets out and starts taking out his luggage, piling up with numerous suitcases, bags and champagne holders.
“Does he need any help?” Shizuka asks.
“Nah, he good, come on,” Jerome assures her, stepping through the revolving door into the establishment.
The lobby is as empty as the outside, appearing somehow larger inside than the outside would suggest. The lights are adorned in charm holders, a crystal chandelier is in the middle of the lobby. Above the main entrance is a painting on the ceiling of several angels ascending into Heaven, looking for all the world like an image from the Sistine Chapel.
“It’s beautiful…” Shizuka says, looking straight up.
“It’s… old-school…” Kilo responds, casting glances side to side even as he follows Jerome to reception. Waiting for them at the desk is a single bellboy, a middle-aged black man with unusually large ears. The smile he gives them has an odd quality. It is one of genuine kindness, but also, rather like a photograph of a real smile.
“Welcome, sirs and madam. We have been expecting for some time. We’re delighted to have you staying with us. Welcome to the Hotel California...”
END OF CHAPTER 28
#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo no kimyou na bouken#achtung attitude#shizuka joestar#kilo staples#C-King#ch28
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javid headcanons
hey so I haven’t updated in forever (I have reasons just not good ones ngl) (also I’ve been absent on all of my blogs so don’t think y’all are special ;))
but for now here are some wholesome Javid (modern) headcanons that aren’t really supposed to be anything in particular they’re just kind of cute
they skip around from high school to married life and everything in between
also this is so long because I love imagining my two pure boys in love
tw: idk why but there’s more cussing than usual (but I wouldn’t consider it excessive)
———————
- okay so first off, Davey is a mess
- like how does one date??? like he can barely stand his own life how can he share it with someone else????
- especially someone so perfect nice like Jack
- but this isn’t Jack’s first rodeo and God bless him he just smiles when Davey’s awkward and will kiss his cheek or something and Davey will never be sure how he landed someone so nice perfect
- they don’t like the hassle of splitting the bill on dates so they alternate on who pays for the date
- Davey brought Jack sunflowers once for his designated date day and on Jack’s next designated date day, Davey received a painting of said flowers
- as they continuously date, though, they begin learning each other’s favorite flowers
- like Jack loves stargazer lilies but Davey can’t have lilies because of Sarah’s cat, Cheerio (never forget Cheerio)
- Davey favorite flowers are baby’s breath
- on prom night, Sarah and Katherine surprise the two with matching stargazer/baby’s breath boutonniere and they just go soft
- OKAY BUT DAVEY GETS SO SAD AT THE END OF PROM NIGHT BECAUSE HE’LL HAVE TO THROW IT AWAY BECAUSE CHEERIO GETS INTO EVERYTHING SO HE JUST THROWS IT IN THE TRASH AND THEN ON HIS
- AND JACK’S WEDDING DAY, JACK SURPRISES HIM BY SHOWING THE TWO MATCHING BOUTONNIERES now pressed and dead BUT HE CAN’T HELP BUT BE SPEECHLESS BY HIS NOW HUSBAND AND AHHHH
- “wait... oh my God I kissed you that night after you went dumpster diving!”
- also real quick, Sarah is Davey’s “best man” and he’s all like Sarah, you can wear a dress, you don’t have to wear a suit like Jack’s best man (Crutchie)
- and Sarah just glared and is like “bitch don’t take this from me”
- she was the best looking in the wedding photos rocking her amazing suit btw
- but back to when they’re just bfs
- when they first start being together Davey isn’t really sure what to think because they’re more than friends, but is it right to say Jack’s his boyfriend yet? (they hadn’t even had their first kiss yet)
- so he goes for a few weeks with them just have a few dates (are they dates though???) until Jack calls him his boyfriend in front of the other newsies (because he can register Davey’s apprehensiveness so he makes the first move)
- and Davey is just like ???!!?!!
- “you- you just called me the-the” and he can’t even register at the moment because the heart eyes are strong
- and Jack is just grinning and is just like “yeah, I just called you the b word. That’s okay with you right?”
- And Davey could just melt into a puddle and is internally like “HOLY SHIT WTF WHAT IS GOING ON I AM GOING TO IMPLODE BEFORE I DESERVE THIS NERD” but he just holds Jack’s hand and kisses the top of it and is like “yeah, I consider you my b word too”
- then Race says whispers “my bitch” to Spot and ruins the whole moment
(okay that sounded so awkward with the whole b word thing but I really wanted to make that joke because I love that meme(?) so allow me)
- their first kiss took a lot of time to build up to, but they both wanted to make sure it’d be perfect so it was on their last day of Junior year and they just spend thirty seconds afterwards just staring into each other’s eyes with their foreheads touching while holding the other’s hands
- Katherine takes a picture of the “first kiss aftermath” posts it to instagram (with their permission) with the caption “FINALLY!!!” with a billion heart emojis
- everyone who didn’t know the two were together scream in the comments
- Jack has to make a follow up post of Davey kissing his cheek and him winking with a huge smile of his face with the caption “my boyfriend ❤️”
- Race, ofc, comments “I thought he was your bitch”
- they’re not really into PDA except simple hand holding and small pecks on lips/face every so often
- Jack’s favorite sign of affection is rubbing his thumb along the top of Davey’s hand especially when Davey gets really anxious because it helps him calm down and remember to breathe
- Davey loves to run his hands through Jack’s hair because it is so soft and sometimes Jack won’t cut it for a while and it’ll curl at the ends and Davey loves playing with them
- they usually only do this though when in private or around close friends because they feel like they’re shoving their relationship down people’s throats with obvious actions
- sometimes someone like Finch will fake gag and Katherine will punch him and he won’t do it again because damn Katherine punches hard
- Jack’s favorite dates are when they just order take out and sit on the couch all night to watch movies
- Jack has made Davey’s watch Brother Bear probably 300 times, but while Jack loves every second of the movie, Davey just smiles and powers through
- it is a good movie though (go watch it if you haven’t you are going to cry your eyes out)
- Davey likes to watch the action movies and superhero movies like Marvel
- (they totally went to see Infinity War and Davey was so broken after like he just stayed in bed cuddling with Jack for hours balling his eyes out)
- (then they went to see Ant-man and the Wasp and the cycle repeated)
- Davey’s favorite dates though are packing some sandwiches and apples/chips and just going to the park and having a picnic or going stargazing
- in NYC, they don’t see many stars so for Davey’s birthday, Jack picked him up in the middle of the night once and drove them to the middle of nowhere to stargaze
- for Jack’s birthday, Davey wants to do something special, but isn’t really sure what to do until Sarah gives him an idea
- it’s Jack’s 18th birthday so he gets a big box and fills it up with “18 things I love about you” and Jack cries reading the little notes Davey writes
- it’s things like a box of new color pencils with a note saying “you add so much color to the lives of everyone you meet” and also a fidget spinner with a note taped on saying “once start something, you won’t quit until it’s finished. but you also get annoying pretty quick ;)” so it’s just a bunch of useless junk but the sentiment and thoughtfulness of it is what makes it special
- did I say Jack cried? I meant to say Jack BAWLED
- like some of the little tear marks never came out of the pieces of paper
- when they decide they want to get married, they just kind of propose to each other
- like one night they are just like “hey, here’s a wild idea, but I love you like a lot and want to spend the rest of my days with you so let’s get married”
- and a month later, they surprise each other with rings so they both have engagement rings
- (low key inspired by AKB/Scott Bixby because that shit is adorable)
- but every relationship has to have some turbulence but it took me a while to come up with something because I don’t want these boys to be mad at each other :(
- so first off, they don’t argue long about the stupid stuff because they realized early that none of that is worth it because they make each other happy and that’s rare to come by these days
- but there are some persistent things they argue about ike Davey never taking care of himself (especially during their college days)
- poor boy doesn’t get enough sleep :(
- Jack’s hamartia is the fact that he can’t stand injustice/assholes
- so he’s often come home with a bloody lip or black eye
- Davey understands, but he wishes Jack wouldn’t get himself hurt so much
- (so they basically both have the same problem they just experience it in different ways)
- it’s when Jack calls Davey from jail when they have a big fight
tw: vague attempted sexual assault
- “A bar fight? What the hell, Jack?!”
- it was the worse Davey had ever seen him with his jaw swollen and bruises littering his whole body
- “Not my fault that motherfucker-“
- “You can’t just fight anyone who is rude or is racist! I hate people like that too, but you can’t punch them a few times and expect them to change in an instant. Some fights you just shouldn’t pick!”
- Jack had never seen Davey so mad so he takes a deep breath and reaches through the bars of the holding cell and grabs Davey’s shoulder calmly
- “Dave... the drink was drugged. I saw the guy put somethin in the woman’s drink when I was passin by the bar. I warned her, but then he came up and started makin a scene. Started making him the victim. He practically demanded that I let him take the girl home as if I could give him permission. Poor girl was so shocked and scared, and he wasn’t backin off. It was just me and him for a while and then his buddies showed up. Some other people tried to help me, and then the cops showed up. Fuckers pinned it all on me and I was in here before I could even let a word out.”
- Davey is speechless by Jack’s story and he was pretty sure he fell in love all over again
- “I jus hope that girl’s okay. She was cryin when I was being put into car in handcuffs. The other guy was only brought in for questioning. Said I was the one who started it and they believed me, saying only kids my age would start trouble like that. Apparently he’s a mechanic at the building down the road. Probably gives these cops discounts or somethin. It’s a load of shit if you ask me.”
- “I know, Jack. Let’s just get you out of here so you can heal up. Knowing you, you’ll probably have another black eye soon enough. Have to heal this one up so you don’t keep the next one waiting.”
- when they’re in their car, Davey reaches across and kisses his swollen jaw
- “I’m sorry about yelling at you, I didn’t know. You’re an amazing person, I should’ve known you wouldn’t just get in a random fight.”
tw over
- ahhh they’re so in love!!!!
- the best thing though is that they’re each other’s support systems
- like every night they go to bed and just cuddle and whenever one has had a bad day, the other will just open their arms and hug them and kiss them for as long as they need
- there’s just so much reassurance and small little compliments between the two
- a lot of stuff has happened during their lives and sometimes it just catches up to them, but the other is always there to catch him
- it’s just full of all-rounded, pure-hearted goodness
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Ten things I noted about CR2E07 "Hush" and the Talks Machina about it :
Sam's ad was a 80's jingle for D&D Beyond and it was amazing, he sings really well and the 80's drums at the end really got me.
First guest of the campaign. I didn't know Khary Peyton, but he was lovely !! His character was really cool, with the hummingbird named Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna (the delivery of his joke "You can call her Stacy but that's not her name" was so smooth I almost missed it).
Khary Peyton has an amazing deep voice, so when Shakäste said to Nott : "This ain't my first rodeo, baby", and Sam was fanning himself, I was like, same.
The manticore fight could have turned real bad, and from Nott killing the baby manticore, there was a chain of events where one person saved another that saved another.
I find it extremely interesting how Liam had Caleb react to seeing a human burned alive, mechanically speaking, with the wisdom saving throw and the fail that resulted in the "stunned" or the "paralyzed" condition.
On Talks, Marisha talks about how much fun it is sometimes to try a thing and fail. They want their next t-shirt to be “Critical Role : Embrace the Failure”. But cute as it is, they're rather a huge sucess ! And this was before the 11 millions dollars Kickstarter.
Liam poetically described Nott and Caleb as "two pieces of garbage floating around in the world like plastic bags”
There was apparently an entire group of Critters that recorded a parody of Hamilton called Vox Machina : An Exandrian Musical ! and the cast loved it so much they cried.
They talked about the different morality of this campaign, the equilibirum to reach for between "being shifty motherfuckers who keep their backstories close to the chest" and "the necessity to be a team because these are your fellow players". They also want to have something different than Vox Machina, and Liam described it as "taking a sideway approach" rather than acting like heroes from the beginning.
Marisha talks about her note taking, and she seems very organized and really invested in it.
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In the Land of Gods and Monsters: Intro
A/N: I’ve always had a morbid curiosity with the mob(any kind of organized crime, really) and this story has been floating around my head for so long. I love Biker!Bucky, but I feel like it’s a very popular AU right now, so I thought what about Mobster!Bucky? Huh. Fuck yes. I even thought about writing this back in the 30’s-40’s but I’m a sucker for modern day AU’s. This is just the intro, the story will be taking you through Bucky/Reader’s meeting, falling in love, and ultimately demise. This one’s going to be tragic ya’ll.
Word Count: 2k+
Warnings: As with all of my stories, there’s a permanent warning of Cursing. I have a mouth like a sailor, and I express myself through the word Fuck. Mentions of murder and various crime. Mentions of trauma. This chapter is pretty vanilla, since it is just an intro- but this will be a very brutal story. I’ll always give you guys a heads up for what’s coming though.
Summary: You knew what you were getting yourself into when you met Bucky Barnes. He was a known wise guy. A feared mobster. Everyone in the neighborhood knew his name. Funny, in retrospect, you think that might have been why you couldn’t help but be drawn in like a moth to a flame. This first and foremost, is a love story. Blood stained and littered with bullet holes, but the story of how you fell in love with the man none the less. Mobster!BuckyxPlus Size Reader
-Present Day-
As you sit in the police station, you feel numb. Your mind has cooled over, gone ice cold; slow and dragging due to the trauma it had just been put through. You’re not able to process your surroundings. Not really… there, in that moment. You cant hear the constant clicking of computer keys from the cop who sits at the desk, the one you know is keeping an eye on you, or the bustling of people coming in and out around you, on just the other side of the door. Your eyes are glued to the clock that’s mounted on the wall, to the dials that seem to move so slowly now. How had they moved so fast, just hours ago- and now they drug on like molasses.
You couldn’t catch up- your body did the motions, you were here. In an interrogation room, but your mind stuck. Replaying the harsh sharp sounds of gunshots, and the cries of children and your husbands silver blue eyes, frantic as they looked at you.
“It’s gonna’ be okay” He promised, just as he always had. No matter what, you and me, we’re gonna be okay. And you’d always believed him, willingly naïve. Clung to those words desperately, blindly.
He’d lied.
You don’t think he’d meant to, but he had.
You close your eyes, forcing a deep breath into your lungs, hoping it will unthaw your thoughts. Because you had to be strong right now, you couldn’t- you didn’t have the time to be like this. Weak like this.
Where are they? Your brain urges at you, yells. You’d asked that good for nothing secretary over and over, but he’d just looked up and replied with a sack of bullshit. That he didn’t know anything.
“Above your paygrade?” You’d hissed pure venom at him and he’d glowered at you and told you you’d have to wait for the detective. That was close to an hour ago, so when the door finally does open, heavy and whining your eyes snap open and you perk up in the hard, uncomfortable chair. Two people enter the room; the detectives you deduce. A middle aged woman, pretty. Her hair pulled back into a severe ponytail, dressed in a pantsuit that made her look like a force to be reckoned with and a older black man, his salt and pepper beard neatly trimmed and one of his dark eyes covered by a fearsome looking eyepatch…
You’d heard about him before. Him and his witch hunts…
“Scary motherfucker. Got one eye…”
“Mrs. Barnes, I’m Detective Nick Fury and this is Agent Hill” He introduces them both as they approach, before sitting at the table, in the vacant chairs across from you. Your heart is beating in your throat, scared as all hell, but no one would know that by the sight of you. Your jaw is set and your eyes are blazing.
“Where are my kids?” Are the first words that come out of your mouth, the only question that matters right now.
“They’re in the care of child protective services at the moment, but we can get more into that later” Your nostrils flare as he goes on, just at the thought. Oh, you bet they were so scared. Your poor babies, the innocents in all of this.
You feel an ugly bubble of self hatred gurgle in your chest.
Your fault. Bucky’s fault.
“I’m not talking to fucking anybody until I know they’re safe” You snap “Are they in this building? Where are they?”
“That’s information we cant give to you right now-” Agent Hill starts and you cut her off instantly.
“What do you mean information you cant give to me? I’m their mother!”
“Their mother? Yes. Their legal guardian…well, that’s in your hands now, Mrs. Barnes” Fury is calm as he speaks. Calm and cutting and threating. “As of right now, you are an accessory to a slew of illegal activity that ranges over the last decade. Would you like me to list the charges off for you?”
You bite the inside of your bottom lip and keep a hard gaze. Breathe. You’ve been eye to eye with motherfuckers far more fearsome then him…but none of them had ever threatened to take your kids. That’s new. That ignites something in you that feels worse then anything you ever could have imagined.
When you don’t respond, he begins again. Listing, ticking off the crimes he reads off of the tablet in front of him.
“Robbery, multiple counts of Assault. Disorderly conduct, disruption of the peace. Distribution and trafficking of illegal arms and drugs. Possession of illegal arms and drugs. Those in themselves could get you looking at, what” Fury looks to Maria idly “A decade? Twenty years?” She nods at Fury who looks back to you, with his one eyebrow crooked “And that’s not including the murders of Congressman Alexander Peirce, John “Shmiddity” Schmidt, Brock Rumlow- well, you get the just. I’d be sitting here all day if I was to list off all the men your husband and his pals have killed, wouldn’t I?“
You knew better then to say anything else.
This wasn’t your first rodeo, your first back and forth with the law. No, you’d been through this shit before and the only thing you had to say to them was-
"I want my lawyer. I’m not saying another word until she gets here”
Hill shots Fury a look, but his eyes don’t leave yours. He’d known that was what you were going to say. He knew women like you, wives. Girlfriends. Strong as nails females who would follow their husbands through the gates of hell. In his opinion, you were just as bad as your husband, but he forces a half smile at you anyway. Trying to lure you with a false sense of sympathy.
It’s acidic and you see right through it. God you fucking hate cops. You’d always loathed interrogations.
“Why should you take the fall for them? You’re looking at twenty five to life if we can tie you or your husband to any one of these murders” He sighs, his hands folding on the table as he leans back onto the chair “And trust me, it’s not going to be very hard. You know, I’ve been keeping tabs on your husband for the last few years?” That’s when he pulls something up on the tablet, before spinning it in your direction and sliding it to you so you could see the screen.
What catches your eye first are Bucky’s multiple mugshots. You realize he’s showing you Bucky’s file.
“James Buchannan Barnes; street kid, Brooklyn boy. Had a string of misdemeanors on his name before he was even seventeen. Went to Juvie for the first time when he was fifteen. Joined the army right after high school, everyone thought he was going straight- until the accident” Fury clucks his tongue and makes an exaggerated frown that angers you. “Came back with a vengeance, huh? Bloodthirsty”
You grit your teeth to an almost painful point. He didn’t know shit. Bucky was never bloodthirsty, ever. He just did what he had to do…
“Linked back up with his childhood friend Steven Rogers- and the Stark mob” Fury is assessing you as he speaks, his trained eye prying, looking for any crack in your resolve. “One of the most infamous mafia branches in New York. But you know that already, don’t you?”
You don’t do anything but cross your arms over your chest. You don’t speak, you barley breathe.
“I can see you’re not going to be of any help at the moment- which is understandable, considering what you just went through. Call your lawyer- when she get’s here, and you two get all your stories straight, I’ll be back” Fury tells you simply, bluntly as he stands “And trust me when I tell you this Y/N, you’re going to want my help. Your husband is in some deep shit, and you’re not any better off for it”
“And why would I trust you?” You ask, a bit of bitter humor lacing your tone. You didn’t know who you could trust right now, but the feds? Yeah, they were on the bottom of that list.
Fury leans in close, and it takes all of you- all the strength you could muster not to cower back.
“Because right now, I’m the only one who doesn’t want you dead”
And with that- he leaves the room, agent Hill trailing behind him. He tells the secretary to let you make your phone call, and then the door is closed again, behind him.
You want to scream, and cry and flail. You want your children, and your husband. God, you want Bucky right now. You ache to have his steady arms around you-
“Its gonna’ be okay”
His voice hums in your head, and you realize that the only way that statement is going to ring true is if you suck it up. You cant fall apart right now. So with a deep breath, you unclench your hands. You hadn’t even realized that you’d balled them into fists during the duration of your time with Fury. Your manicuredly sharp nails had dug into the meaty, soft flesh of your palm that they left little crescent moon indents. A couple were beading with crimson.
You stand on shaky legs, and go to the phone.
How did it come to this?
Your mind laughs bitterly at you. Dumb bitch. You dumb bitch, you’d always known it would come to this.
And so you dial the number of your lawyer, not allowing yourself even a drop of self pity.
These violent delights have violent ends.
PART ONE HERE
PART TWO HERE
@invisibleanonymousmonsters
Okay, so this story is my new love child. I’m so excited to share this with you all- it’s going to be a lot darker then any of the other fics I’ve ever posted but I love to challenge myself as a writer. As usaul; please leave me some feedback! Comments are like crack cocaine to me lol. And let me know if you’d like to be tagged in this series!
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x plus size reader#bucky barnesxreader#bucky barnes smut#mobster!au#mobster!bucky#biker!bucky#marvel au#steve rogers#plus size reader#sam wilson#natasha romanoff#tony stark#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x oc#bucky barnes x you#this is going to be some#dark#heavy#Lana Del Rey#shit#y'all#organized crime#american mafia#mob wives
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CHEIS BROWN WOBBLE FT NICKI MINAJ AND G EAZY
Wobble Up
Chris Brown
Haha, haha, haha, ha
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick (ooh, ooh)
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick
Baby, show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
You see a nigga got money, you ain't twerkin’ for nothin'
If my dick out, then you better start suckin' or somethin’
Pay your own rent, got your own check, you don't need me
Pussy is the best, that's why a nigga hella greedy (greedy)
Huh, and you ain't out here lookin' for love
'Cause you done had your heart broke, and you've had enough
Huh, your ex nigga, he was dumb as fuck
Soon as I gave her the dick, she fallin' in love
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick (ooh, ooh)
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick
Baby, show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick (uh), wobble up, wobble—wobble up (ayo)
Wobble on the D, gobble up, gobble—gobble up
Players huddle up, cookie cold, better bundle up
All 'em other dudes had their chance, now they out of luck
When I bust a nut, I don’t never wanna cuddle, no
I went to the club, and guess who I seen?
A motherfucker that been stuntin' on me
I told one of the macks, "Yo, back the thing out"
Ain’t showin' off my jewels, but shots gon' ring out
Now that's what I get for fuckin’ with that dub (monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick, ooh, ooh)
For all my real niggas, I'm showin' 'em mad love (monkey on the dick, monkey—)
Baby, show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love (show me)
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love (ay, uh)
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up (yee)
Wobble on the dick (It's Gerry), wobble up, wobble—wobble up (ay)
Okay, now show me what you gon' do on the big stage (ay)
'Cause I'm headin' to Miami for a big rage (vroom)
I'm on 10 and 11, it's been six days (ay)
Yeah, but she gon' ride the pipe in 26 ways (got monkey on the dick)
Ay, the way you bounce on it
I might have to fuck around and spend a house on it
Down Rodeo, now I'm spendin' large amounts on it
Swipe the platinum, I might empty my accounts on it—sheesh
She said her man's a jerk
So I pulled up while her man's at work (monkey on the dick, I got–)
Yeah, she had the night shift, I made her cancel work
Then I asked her twerk on the D, I pulled out, splashed her shirt (ooh, ooh)
Baby, show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Bad bitches in the lobby but they wait for me (huh)
I don't pay for pussy (huh), they should be payin' me
Give me a lap dance, she said, "This one for free"
She feelin' on my D, askin' can she have it please
And she know I like it (yeah)
I ain't worried 'bout my pull out game
'Cause I can't hide it, I'm over-excited
What you wanna do to me?
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick (ooh, ooh)
Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick
Baby, show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Show me that shit, show me love, show me—show me love
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
Wobble on the dick, wobble up, wobble—wobble up
watch the video below
#hiphop#rap#music#producer#rapper#girls#lyrics#official lyrics#chris brown ft nicki minaj and g easzy wobble lyrics#nicki Minaj wooble lyrics#rap lyrics#best rap lyrics
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Day Three: Rodeo Houston.
I recently went to the Houston Rodeo for the first time or any rodeo for that matter. Callie and her sister wanted to check it out and they were nice enough to let me tag along. Of course I ended up getting completely bombed on red wine and Coors Light so they may or may not have regretted that decision. To professionalism! I do what I want. Actually, I'm not being truthful. I didn't mean to get drunk; that just kind of happened. I was feeling very festive and wanted everyone to have a rad time. I honestly did not expect someone to grab me, twist my arm and force me over to the first beer vendor in sight. That same motherfucker kept forcing me back! I believe a doctor would refer to this as Multiple Personality Disorder. I'm joking of course, but Goddamn were those beers cold! I'll hand it to the rodeo for that. My problem is I've been exposed to so many rad things in my life that it can sometimes be hard at times to enjoy the simple things in life like staring at a fucking cow. Mooooooo!!! How is my beer empty already? I spent most of time thinking how great it is to be around someone of the opposite sex who has a passion for anything other than having babies and getting fat. That sounds terrible, but I honestly don't meet a lot of women at this point in my life who are into their own things. Work consumes all. Callie has her own dreams and passions and she's actively pursuing them. It's one of the things I enjoy most about her. Individuality. Plus jumping horses? How rad is that? I saw these pictures of her jumping horses that were so cool and all brand new to me. I've never been exposed to the sport and it looks amazing and dangerous as shit. She's a bad ass. It's funny when I think back to how many times I would drag whatever girlfriend to the US Open of Surfing every year or sit and watch surfing videos all night. Now it was my turn to be in the back seat, but I beat the game! I got sauced and had a great time. But I wasn't watching people jump horses or ride bulls or lasso shit. I was staring at how massive a cow's dick and balls are. One cow even had his slimy red lipstick sticking out and I had to make a conscious effort to keep the vomit down. I was tripping out on how colossal these cows are. I've only seen little parts of these animals in-between two hamburger buns covered in cheese. It was cool to see the whole thing put together living and breathing and doing jack shit. I kept thinking about that episode of The Simpsons when Lisa is watching a video of a slaughterhouse in school. The narrator guy is standing out in a pasture next to a cow, decked out head-to-toe in cowboy gear, and then he drags his finger across the cow's back and licks it before blurting out, "Delicious!" The shit wasn't even cooked yet and still breathing. That always made me laugh and here I was face-to-face with these massive beasts. Delicious! Everything after that is kind of a blur. I remember being in a handbag store and walking back through a bunch of white lights. Next thing it was morning and the regret settled in. I felt like a moron for getting drunk in front of her sister like that. No one else was drinking the whole time, but I was! In my defense, did I mention it was a rodeo?
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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now
Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?
Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?
Tiffany: OMG Britney!
Britney: What? You were thinking it!
Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!
Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.
She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?
HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas ❤
Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.
Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.
Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:
HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.
We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.
Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.
Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.
Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.
The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.
The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??
Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.
Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.
Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .
Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.
Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?
Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.
Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.
Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.
Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.
Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?
Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.
PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape!
FREEFORM: Genius.
Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.
There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.
They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?
They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.
Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.
The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.
The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?
Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?
Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!
Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?
Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.
EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!
Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.
Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.
Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?
Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like
Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.
She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.
NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.
She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?
Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.
Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.
Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.
Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.
Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.
Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.
However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.
Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.
Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.
Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.
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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/
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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now
Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?
Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?
Tiffany: OMG Britney!
Britney: What? You were thinking it!
Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!
Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.
She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?
HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3
Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.
Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.
Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:
HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.
We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.
Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.
Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.
Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.
The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.
The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??
Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.
Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.
Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .
Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.
Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?
Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.
Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.
Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.
Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.
Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?
Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.
PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape!
FREEFORM: Genius.
Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.
There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.
They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?
They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.
Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.
The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.
The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?
Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?
Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!
Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?
Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.
EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!
Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.
Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.
Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?
Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like
Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.
She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.
NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.
She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?
Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.
Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.
Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.
Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.
Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.
Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.
However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.
Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.
Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.
Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/
from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163039991272
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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now
Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?
Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?
Tiffany: OMG Britney!
Britney: What? You were thinking it!
Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!
Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.
She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?
HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3
Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.
Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.
Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:
HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.
We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.
Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.
Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.
Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.
The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.
The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??
Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.
Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.
Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .
Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.
Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?
Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.
Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.
Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.
Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.
Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?
Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.
PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape!
FREEFORM: Genius.
Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.
There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.
They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?
They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.
Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.
The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.
The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?
Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?
Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!
Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?
Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.
EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!
Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.
Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.
Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?
Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like
Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.
She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.
NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.
She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?
Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.
Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.
Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.
Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.
Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.
Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.
However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.
Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.
Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.
Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/
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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now
Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?
Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?
Tiffany: OMG Britney!
Britney: What? You were thinking it!
Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!
Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.
She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?
HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3
Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.
Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.
Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:
HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.
We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.
Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.
Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.
Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.
The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.
The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??
Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.
Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.
Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .
Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.
Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?
Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.
Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.
Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.
Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.
Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?
Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.
PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape!
FREEFORM: Genius.
Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.
There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.
They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?
They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.
Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.
The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.
The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?
Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?
Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!
Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?
Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.
EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!
Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.
Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.
Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?
Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like
Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.
She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.
NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.
She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?
Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.
Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.
Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.
Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.
Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.
Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.
However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.
Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.
Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.
Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.
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source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/
from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back.html
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