#henchpeople

[theshadowrealmitself]

Those jokes about Batman bodyslamming people over the most minor of things like jaywalking kinda annoy me since that’s not actually in character for him

But they become so much more tolerable when I pretend they’re jokes henchpeople make and send to each other, knowing damn well Batman always knocks them out because their crimes are actually bad but not wanting to admit it

Hench J, gesturing to their broken arm: And all I did was leave a piece of trash on the ground and he did this!

Hench 11: And it had nothing to do with the bombs you were planting?

Hench J: ….nope

#Batman #Gotham #Bruce Wayne #henchpeople #Hench 11 #henchperson 11 #henchman 11 #Hench J #made for this joke #unlike 11 #made up dialogue by yours truly #Elle Vaughn

[ven10]

Do you ever wonder what Fiona thought was going on..?

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #out of context #the grim grotto #fiona widdershins #fernald widdershins #count olaf #henchpeople #asoue netflix #soue #series of unfortunate events

[that-knife-lady]

#knife lady shit #hero and villain #henchpeople #sidekicks #citizen #Fuck the government

[sirlordevil]

I hate it when the big bads get all the credit for an evil scheme whenever like 20 henchmen helped out. Give the little guys some credit! They work so hard for you! They must not only believe in your ideals but believe in you so much! They want to help your evil flourish. So make sure that your hero knows that you weren't the only one kicking their ass! All you henchpeople and goons out there I want you to know that you're just as important as any overlord. You're the force that helps us succeed! I want every last one of you to achieve your fullest evil potential! I put my full faith in every last one of your abilities!

#im very evil #villainy #henchmen #henchpeople #respect your henchmen #give your little guys the world they deserve it

[chaoticgoodthief]

May I get some ✨ evil advice ✨ on recruiting the right henchpeople?

Please and thank you!

Er - I mean

Monologues and evil laughs!

Of course, fellow villain. Finding a good henchperson is a very difficult task indeed. They need to be trustworthy, loyal and efficient. A common villain mistake is hiring dumb muscle. Do not, my evil comrade, hire dumb muscle. They are easily tricked by the heroes, and mess up all your evil machines with their bumbling. *Flashbacks to the one time in my youth when I foolishly hired dumb muscle and shudders*

A proper henchperson has a resume. Think of it as if you are running a business, just an evil one. Always look out for henchpeople that do not know that they should have a resume, trust me. *Remembers the time that I hired an antihero in disguise and grimaces* They are either dumb muscle or a fake. Always ask for the resume. I repeat, always ask for the resume.

The final mistake of a villain is hiring a friend. This gets awkward really fast, believe me. You can have your friends as a trusted confidant or a co-villain, but never a henchperson. Think workplace relationships (Remember: evil business). Do you want to have the person that you have snacks with every Tuesday as the person you yell at to hurry up with the death ray on Friday? A-W-K-W-A-R-D.

Evil luck on your quest to defeat your arch-nemesis, my villainous friend. May the villains of the past evilly grin upon you.😈

#villains for the win #evil advice #henchmen #henchpeople #villainy is harder than it looks #hiring henchpeople #villian #evil #advice #answered

[mega-magolor]

@swimming-guy @silliestofsillys

you two should become my lovable duo of EVIL HENCHMEN who will carry out my NEFARIOUS PLANS...

#henchmen is gender neutral because i say so #also henchpeople and henchwomen sound dumb

[anonymouspuzzler]

(To Davy and Buck) Hey y'all ever think of hiring any henchmen? Obviously there's a cost issue there, but getaway securing, junk sorting, babysitting... you can get a lot of use out of a good union hench.

it is SO hard out there for a henchperson these days

(image ID/transcript under cut!)

[Image 1 ID: Panel one of a comic featuring Puzz's OCs. Buck (a middle-aged white man with a barrel-chested build, balding with a bushy mustache, wearing a turtleneck and slacks) is gesturing with one hand with the other on his hip, saying grouchily, "You think I got hench money? Hell, you think I got hench space?? This is a one-bedroom hideout and I've already got this kid takin' up my whole couch!!" In the background, Minnie (a 13-year-old white girl with a stocky build and large braided pigtails, wearing a school uniform-type blouse and pleated skirt, plus fingerless gloves and a sweater tied around her neck) is sitting on the couch holding a video game controller with one hand, glaring and flipping Buck off. End ID.]

[Image 2 ID: Panel two of a comic featuring Puzz's OCs. Davey (a middle-aged black man with a lanky build, amputated right arm, diagonal scar across his face, thin mustache, large ears, thick eyebrows and curly hair in a ponytail, wearing a baggy tank top and loose shorts) is standing to Buck's right, grimacing and gesturing with his left hand. He says, "I never really enjoyed working with henchmen, to be honest. Granted, I don't think the ones I worked with were union, which was probably at least part of the problem..." Buck, turning to look at Davey with confusion, says, "Wait. You had henchmen?" Davey responds, "I worked with henchmen." End ID.]

[Image 3 ID: Panel 3 of a comic featuring Puzz's OCs. Buck and Davey are standing in the background, with Minnie on the couch in the foreground. Buck, gesturing with both hands and looking confused and frustrated, says, "When did you-", only for Davey to interrupt by turning to Minnie with a grin and calling, "You get Street Fighter working yet, Min?" Buck shouts, "DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT", while Minnie, gesticulating angrily in front of her, also shouts, "THEY TRAPPED ME ON THE STUPID EULA!!". End ID.]

#anonymous puzzler answers #anonymous puzzler originals #friendlyfrankenstein #anonymous puzzler art #long post / #i feel like most Relatively Professional Villains use union henchpeople and it's a relatively stable gig unless your villain gets Targeted #whereas the more cutthroat and/or capitalist villains are more liable to use desperate and sketchy nonunion henchpeople (or none at all) #buck and davey are a rare case where they're just broke-slash-know they wouldn't be great bosses #one could argue minnie is kind of like their junior henchperson but A) she sucks shit as a henchperson B) she would disagree with you. #update i had to come back and edit the tags bc i just remembered something i need you all to know #i looked up 'does sf6 have a eula' to see if i could make the joke about minnie and davey playing street fighter work #and not only does it but apparently there was a glitch at some point where folks on pc were getting stuck on the eula. #which made the joke even better #Villain Coded comic

[most-tragic-character-tournament]

Someone drew fanart of tragedy shipping

[The Godfather voice]

You expect, to just waltz into my family home, say such things, and what? Leave? Disappear back into the masses of tumblr? Without so much a link? A name?

Oi legogeek, horizon-blade, ya both know whadda do

#idk if you know whadda do I just see you both a lot in my notifs so I think you’d make good henchpeople #tragedyshipping #lmfao

[ao3commentoftheday]

Would love someone out there to write a fic based around like the Joker or someone who has a bunch of henchpeople and the Joker does something that's not all that different from what he's been doing for years, but this time the henchpeople have had enough and they all start quitting, one by one and as each one quits, the Joker tries to replace them but there's been a global pandemic you see, and the hiring market is really tough right now. Not enough henchpeople for all of the villains. the Joker will need to increase the wages he offers and tack on some more benefits. Maybe a 401K (whatever that is, I'm not American). So the Joker gradually has fewer and fewer henchpeople and the interns who were working there for university credit left a long time ago and the cyborg robot army is still glitching and not ready to go yet, so eventually the Joker tells Batman or whoever that he's decided to retire from his life of crime. There's just no fun in it anymore. It's for the best, really. He's getting older now. Batman's just standing there like, "Are you serious right now?" And the Joker says that line that every guy-who-thinks-he's-funny says any time they talk about the Joker and Batman just rolls his eyes and Bat-jumps down to the Batmobile to Bat-leave because he Bat-can't with this anymore and for the first time in years the Joker truly feels alone and he realizes that all of this could have been prevented if only he'd been a thematically-inclined villain who wasn't also a major asshole. He stares out over the city from the rooftop he was dramatically speaking with Batman on and he says forlornly, "Knock knock," with no hope of anyone answering.

#and then one of the henchpeople he was particularly horrible to at the start of the story #pops out of nowhere and pies him right in the face and yells #Guess who motherfucker! #and someone finally laughs at a joke involving the Joker and the only reason is because he's the butt of it

[theshadowrealmitself]

Villains and other people trying to figure out heroes’ identities by causing high tense situations and seeing who doesn’t freak out, not realizing that, like, henchmen are also used to those situations and wouldn’t freak out, it just ends up causing mass confusion and mixed up identities

#no fandom #heroes #villains #henchmen #henchpeople #normally I love gender neutral language but I hate that henchperson isn’t 2 syllables like henchmen and henchman #ruins the vibes

[black-rose-events]

Heroes, smh🙄

Don't know which red buttons are self destruct ones and which ones just send a warmest "worst regards" message to our co-conspirators

The one in the image is clearly a self-destruct button

But the big red ~that's actually green because of villain color theming~ button on our blog is for villainous queries for the Villaintine's Day Event this February!

#heroes and villains memes #heroes and villains #hero x villain #villain x villain #villain x civilian #hero x villain community #villain #villain prompt #evil #evilcore #villaincore #black rose events #villaintine's day #writeblr #humor #hero x villain humor #who installed this thing anyway? - Mod Spectre👻 #(*whispering* okay so technically it was me (👻) #but in my (👻) defense- #(deflecting the blame like any good villain would) *tsking* it's so hard to hire good henchpeople these days

[black-rose-writings]

Still not over how adorable and incredibly in character David's way of finding out Genya's favorite gemstone was.

He was planning to make her a ring. But he didn't get to it.

Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #david x genya #genya deserved better #david deserved better #why couldn't they just be happy being Sasha's favorite henchpeople

[tumbletownfanfiction]

From Shay, sent by carrier pigeon.

Your interpretation of Dr. Shay D. Guy at prom.

Bonus points if you include who you think the date might be.

It seemed like a simple idea, at first.

Shay knew how to clone people, and he was a mad scientist.

All he had to do was make himself a prom date from scratch.

Or: Shay does science to get the ladies

“Just become alive already!” Shay screams at the goopy mixture in his beacon. It doesn’t. Shay throws it at the wall, wincing at the sound of glass breaking. He really should get some scientific help with his pesky teenage to young adult transition. “Noir is never going to let me hear the end of this…” The scientist growls, walking away from his evil experiment counter.

Noir is having a great time at prom, he’s going around and loudly interrupting couples, saying things like,

“You said you broke up with her!” Or, “You told me you weren’t dating him!” His personal favorite was, “All three of us are dating?! You both said I was the only one for you!”

He doesn’t cause problems. Noir would never. He chugs the punch and hijacks the speakers, playing baby shark at max volume until the staff starts to cry.

He wonders when his not brother Shay would show up, he’s already a while late. Shay is almost never late.

Then the door booms open. “Mere mortals with below average intelligence! Meet my beautiful date, Ladyname!” Shay yells proudly.

His date, presumably, leans closer and whispers something to him. He nods seriously before yelling again.

“I have been informed that Ladyname’s name is indeed Ladyname and she quite likes it!” The lady nods, something unnatural about the motion.

Shay grins at Noir, “And youuuuuuu said I couldn’t get a date for prom!”

Noir laughs, then points at (totally not smugly, he’s so far above that) the snack table. “Your “date” just swallowed our classmate whole.”

Shay clicks his mouth shut. After a few minutes, he shrugs. “She’s special?”

“And that’s why I was exiled from school and my truest love, Ladyname, ended up becoming an urban legend and the fear of many. Sometimes I can still see her bright red eyes and sharp teeth, hidden lovingly under her thick, multicolored hair.” Shay reminisces.

@doctor-shay-d-guy = Shay

@sirlordevil = Noir

#I had so many ideas for this one #there’s so many ways we could’ve gone- #Two of Sir’s henchpeople dress up in a trench coat and wig and tell their boss later (Noir teases Shay about it forever) #Maybe his true love could have been a classmate or something else #but the idea of his “date” unhinging her jaws and swallowing the entire prom seemed pretty funny

[just-an-enby-lemon]

*One of Riddler 's and Joker's first team ups (and likely one of the last)*

Joker's Henchman: Would you tell me another riddle? An easier one this time?

Riddler: *the biggest attention whore to ever whore for attention* But of course, I will even give you a classic one instead of one of my own creation. So tell me my dear *swinging his hands dramatically* riddle me this (another henchmen in the back mutters he did the thing in awe, for Eddie's absolute delight) what gets wetter as it dries?

Henchmen: Uh... no idea... Wait! I got it!

Riddler: *with a happy expectant smile if a bit patronizing* Hmn?

Henchmen: Is it a songbird?

Riddler: *impressed by the stupidity of the answer* Nope. I'm prettty sure a songbird just gets dry normally. Also why exclusivaly a song bird?

Henchmen: No idea.

Harley: What are you boys doing?

Henchmen: Riddles here asked me a riddle.

Harley: *very excited*Oh! I wanna play as well.*jumping* Can I? *puppy eyes don't wait for confirmation* Is the answer Eddie?

Riddler:*confused* You didn't even heard the riddle?

Harley: But am I wrong?

Riddler: Yes.

Harley: Bummer : ( *muttering* The moment he doesn't talk about himself.

Riddler: *annoyed* Any more guesses?

Joker: *coming from a dark corner like a sleep paralisys demon* I have one! What gets wetter as it dries you say? My hands wet with blood as the life dries out of someone else's eyes. Hahahahaha

Riddler: Jesus fucking Christ!? IT WAS A FUCKING TOWEL! It's an easy well known CHILDREM'S riddle! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? *looks at who he is talking to* Nevermind.

#riddler speaks with jokers henchies as if they are kids unless they are Joker's right hand guy like Harley Punchline and Gaggy #for some it works particulary well while others find him patronizing arrogant and a brat #on the other hand he is leagues better to them than joker so they tend to at least not dislike him #riddler has a lot of fans on the henchpeople comunity for being a rare if not the only good boss in gotham's underworld #joker always answers the riddles wrong because he finds edward's reactions funny and he is right #joker #harley quinn #riddler #edward nygma #when harley gets promoted to villan riddler gains competion on the being a good boss departament #wich it doesn't matter but it is a popularity context so for a whole month he just tries to be the best boss ever waay to hard #until his henchman decided to do an intervertion because it was getting ridiculous and convince him that they still love him #harley rly doesn't care she is just happy people see her as a good boss #she does uses it as a mini revenge against riddler everytime he is being to much of dick #when she is the first to become anti hero #he throws a psrty that appears to be on her celebration but it's actually about how now he is the best rogue boss again ny default

[villianblr]

are you accepting henchpeople at the moment?? i would ask a hero but i like villans better

YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE!!

Hmmm… I already have some henchpeople… But show me what you got and maybe I’ll consider it!!

#am I big enough to have more henchpeople yet

[emma-d-klutz]

Batman headcanon: In Arkham, it’s a serious insult to say, “You belong in Blackgate,” and in Blackgate, it’s a serious insult to say, “You belong in Arkham.”

#blackgate? BLACKGATE with the pleebs with no theme? with the Henchpeople? the small timers? the garden variety gang members? the embezzlers? #just what are you saying? say it #you belong in arkham as an insult needs no explanation. like you already knew that #arkham #blackgate #batman headcanon