#hell even crying isnt cathartic anymore i just feel weak

[hearties-circus]

Oh! Fuck.

#i havent tagged alot of my vent posts as vents recently and i think its cus i dont want to admit to myself that i have negative feelings ! #but uh. yeah #vent #ive started to draw somewhat regularly again and wow! the self loathing i feel from unproductivity started immediately and got worse! #what the fuck is that about #the self loathing recently has uhm. been killing me honestly #its even worse bc i keep realising that i kinda hate myself right now and i tried so hard to stop that and love myself and i did! #and now ive fucked up again and hate myself once more and it just makes me loath myself that much more ! #every thing keeps happening and i keep fucking it up! #hell even crying isnt cathartic anymore i just feel weak #argh fuck man!! i cant even just be sad about it i have to so fucking mad #i hate it!! i hate being angry so much its the one fucking emotion i rarely even let myself experience #which makes sense i guess. no wonder im so fucking mad when i never let myself be mad #g-d and now i just hate myself more for that